#maybe it's the fact that i have guilt issues and i would love to be a billionaire to end world hunger and wars

[sherlock-is-ace]

I understand that money is important and it helps. You can't do shit without money, believe me, I get it. And being poor sucks for a variety of reasons, but one that people don't realize is this pretty much exclusively online thing where people insist that donating to help people in need is a mandatory thing...

There's shitty things happening everywhere in the world so we're seeing this more than ever. Think of those posts that start and end (and sometimes they chuck it in between) with

"IF YOU DO NOTHING YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE, FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO ACTUALLY HELP HERE'S THE DONATION LINK"

Are poor people just automatically and inherently assholes because we can't give money away? Is once again, human worth and morality stored in the wallet?

And you'll highlight that there are some people out there (good people, understanding people) who view speaking up about something as good as donating to help resolve that issue. But that never lasts... I feel like people see that as "ok you can't donate today, that's fine, sharing is also good. But tomorrow? It's time for the actual help" And that's just not realistic...

I'm not even going to speak on the mental health issues that being poor comes with and how seeing every day that you're an asshole for not helping people with money adds to it... But yeah, maybe don't attack and call people assholes? Especially when you're asking for help?

[revelboo]

God hi I know it SUPER isnt gonna happen like this obvs but I'm just imagining EIA Shockwave Staring at the Two Sparkbonds in the human and is like Quiet and somehow figures out the second is Megatron and he doesnt say SHIT and is just like "Uhhhh yeah. Human's fine. Soundwave, please stay back so we may talk" and Sounders just like "Mkay" and so Star and the human leave and stuff and Soundwave is like "Query: What is it that Shockwave wishes to tell me" and Shockwave is just like "Bestie idk how to say this but I think Lord Megatron is what the humans call a homewrecker." And Soundwave has to play. SO cool about everything.

🤣 Shockwave is just assuming the other bond is Soundwave’s and he just can’t understand the appeal- thinks they’re both deviants. I’ve started going back trying to add warnings to the first chapters of everything, so folks don’t get surprised if the run into my stories in the wilds of Tumblr

Psst psst @thegarageafterdark aka Storm is one of my writer buddies who convinced me to even consider Transformers smut back in the day and she’s started a Tumblr. She does fated mates Transformers stuff for Bayverse and G1

Everything Is Alright Pt 129

IDW Starscream x Reader, Soundwave x Reader, Megatron x Reader

• Wincing as Shockwave just stares at you, you’re not about to admit the other bond is Megatron’s. Can’t imagine the Decepticon leader would want that to get out. And Soundwave rescues you by reaching out to run a servo affectionately against your cheek. Making Shockwave stare at him instead, antenna back. You’re pretty sure the scientist just thinks you’re all three a bunch of freaks at this point. If he realized Megatron was also involved, he’d probably literally blow a gasket. “If a spark was to form from a full bond-” Starscream begins and Shockwave growls.

• “Illogical,” Shockwave snarls, turning away with his scanner, studying the readings. Wings lifting in affront, Starscream growls back at the scientist. Not liking the other mech’s dismissive tone. “No sparks are possible with an organic,” Shockwave adds, tone almost angry. Like the very fact that he wanted to spark you is deviant. That he wants you is obscene. Tempting him to lash out at the bigger mech to defend you. Except you might get hurt if he does, worry for you chaining his temper. But it’s something he can’t forget or forgive even if they will need his skills eventually.

• Servo trembling where he’s got it against your cheek, Soundwave wants to take you from Starscream. Press his face against you to feel the beat of your heart, your warmth. Unable to really believe that he can have this without risking everything else he has. And the Seeker scowls at him when he gives in and cups his hands around you, lifting you close. “Little one.” Just needs to hold you, to ground himself in you, because he can repair that broken bond now without any guilt. Can really have everything.

• Gently pinned against his battle mask, you’re aware of the way Shockwave stiffens. Apparently not liking the display of affection. Or you. Pretty sure that he has some sort of issue with you in particular that you can’t figure out. Maybe he’s just xenophobic? And nobody has answered your ‘how long do Cybertronians live’ question which is beginning to worry you. There’s a niggling little worry in the back of your mind about that. Because you’d been in Star and Megatron’s memories and there’d been a lot to parse through, but no real concrete sense of time. Startling when Soundwave retracts his mask and brushes his mouth against your body, apparently not caring about Shockwave watching. Had he been really worried about how long humans live?

• Wings flicking as Soundwave rubs his face against you, venting softly, Starscream wants to be angry still about you and the communications officer. To resent that you love him, too. To ask who you love more even if he’s terrified of what your answer would be. Reminding himself that you’d chosen him. Bonded fully to him. No one can take that from him. “We got our answers,” he mutters, because as entertaining as watching the scientist’s obvious discomfort watching Soundwave is, he wants some quiet time with you. Wants to talk without Soundwave or Megatron listening in. Pretend it’s just you two like it had been back then when he was happiest. Figure out this new dynamic with the other two. His new Trine.

• Following Starscream out into the hall, he’s aware that he’s getting looks. That most of the Decepticons aren’t used to seeing his exposed face. Or it could be you as he nuzzles against your body to make you squirm with breathless little protests. And he stops short when the Seeker stops, wings lifting before Starscream starts laughing. Leaning, he looks down at Rumble and Frenzy and the little human they have in tow, Rumble’s arm around them. “Oh. Hi, boss,” Rumble says as Frenzy tries to pull the human into his arms. Head lifting to stare at Thundercracker, the Seeker carrying plastic boxes full of stuff, his wings flaring like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. And you’re twisting to look too as the other human notices you and waves. “So, we need our own habsuite,” Rumble adds as Starscream keeps laughing.

Previous

Next

[save-the-villainous-cat]

"Are you jealous? Is that it?" the hero whispered. They were fully aware of the villain's personality. They were aware of the insecurities, the fears.

"I'd rather not talk about it," the villain answered. Instinctively, the hero reached for the villain's palm and let their fingertips dance over their skin. It was a soft attempt. The villain did not mind.

"You can't keep me here forever." With a deep sigh, the villain pulled away slowly, avoiding the hero's gaze and turned their eyes towards the window.

The hero knew that at times the villain could be quite delicate. Easy to break. And the hero also knew their role in this play, knew that if anyone could destroy them, if anyone had the power to defeat the villain, it was them. It was the hero.

The hero could have (if they wanted, that is) broken the villain in a matter of seconds.

To possess that kind of power was dangerous and the hero took no pride in it. They didn't want it. They didn't want to hurt anyone.

"I know," the villain said. "I'm sorry."

"I mean, honestly, I wish you could, but I have work and they will file a missing person's report and everything will be messy..."

"I know," the villain repeated with the same heartbreaking tone. "Sorry, I didn't really think about that."

They turned to look at the hero, ready to say something but they closed their mouth again. The hero bit the inside of their cheek. In the last few weeks, something had happened to them. They seemed to long for the hero's company, protected them more often, saw them more often.

For the most part, the villain was a silent threat, a calm force that stroke once and didn't miss. Sometimes, it felt like all the hero had to do was call out their name and they would appear.

That gave them a sense of security. Trust was important and they had worked long and hard to gain the villain's trust.

"What did you think about?"

"You." The villain tilted their head, gaze burning into the floor. "Mostly just you."

"Come here," the hero said and the villain didn't hesitate. They sat down next to them on the couch, looking effortlessly flawless but still tired. The hero took their hand again, choosing their next words carefully. Clearly, the villain wanted some kind of connection. They wanted something. Maybe they couldn't express it, maybe they didn't know where to start.

But the hero couldn't take it anymore. They were tip-toeing around each other and before it escalated and someone got hurt, they wanted to make a few things very clear.

With their fingers on the villain's jawline, they turned their enemy's face to look at them.

"Look, I..." The hero's eyes accidentally dropped to the villain's mouth and suddenly, the hero understood how difficult it could be to force those words out of their mouth. They could understand why the villain preferred to kidnap them instead of confronting their feelings like this. "I...you..."

"Yeah?" The villain put their hand on the hero's thigh.

"Is it jealousy?"

"A little, I think."

"What else?" The villain looked away, but the hero turned the villain's head with their fingers again.

"You know I like you more than I should," the villain said. They cupped the hero's cheek with their hand and let their thumb go over their bottom lip. "You know we should not..."

But the hero didn't care about that.

The villain seemed to be tortured by the fact that they had fallen in love. They were barely themselves.

And the hero couldn't live with themselves, knowing that they were responsible for someone's misery, especially when that someone was the villain who had proven countless of times what kind of person they were.

The hero knew about the troubled childhood and the horrible coping mechanisms, they knew about the anger issues and the many mistakes, knew about the regret and the guilt.

So, they leaned forward and kissed them. They tried to forget about the we shouldn't and closed their eyes, just as desperate for company as the villain. They were hesitant at first, clumsy even.

When was the last time someone had wanted them romantically? The hero knew about the public, about the media. They knew that a lot of people wanted them in a very crude way and were merely interested in having power over the hero.

But the villain was gentle. They didn't push, they didn't force. They protected, they encouraged, even if it was counterproductive for their own goals. They compromised where they shouldn't have and backed down when they crossed lines.

If this was some kind of manipulation, the hero was gladly walking into this trap. They were willing to get hurt at the expense of having someone value and appreciate them, having someone who protected them instead of the hero being the one who had to protect.

The villain's lips were warm against theirs and the hero regretted not having done this sooner. They had the feeling that the villain wasn’t sure what they were doing either.

However, they pulled away quickly, surprised that they were so daring. When they looked at the villain, they could see their enemy blush.

"Oh..." was all the villain managed and the hero themselves wasn't sure how to respond.

“Sorry, I…I wasn’t thinking.”

“That’s fine, that’s totally fine,” the villain said. They didn’t look at the hero. Their ears were red.

“Please don’t be sad.”

“I’m not.”

“No, I mean…” The hero took their hands again. “Please don’t worry. I like you, too. I like you a lot. I know it’s hard to say, but I want to spend more time with you.”

The villain stared at them as if they’d said something shocking.

“But kidnapping isn’t really…the ideal date, you know?”

“Oh, I—”

“So, let’s go out next week, sounds good?”

The villain blinked a few times, still staring at the hero.

“Yes, yes I’d like that.”

[tacitusk1llwhore]

I saw a really interesting post about Abigail and Arthur’s relationship and the journal entry where he talks about marrying her. While a lot of people see this as a marriage of convenience, I personally see it a little differently! (Don’t worry, I don’t think they were in love at any point!!)

I think the farthest their relationship could/would go during this is a platonic connection that borders on romantic at times, but not because they have romantic feelings for one another. Personally, I believe that with how at ease Abigail is with Arthur and better yet how at ease Jack is with him in the events of the game, Arthur has probably played a big role in Jacks life, ESPECIALLY in the time John was gone. With John gone, there wouldn’t be any guilt of being a surrogate father (the whole “I ain’t the one takin’ Jack on fishin’ trips.” conversation during that one mission, their little squabbles over it in camp interactions too).

Arthur would, in my mind, absolutely step into that role, especially with how he talks about how lucky John is. I think it would be hard to separate feelings, truthfully. Abigail is watching this man take care of her son, whose father is god knows where, seeing a male figure love and provide for her and her son for the first time, probably in her whole life, something she wished John would do for the two of them—(Arthur continues to do this in-game, fishing trip, storybooks, candy, even giving money for new clothes)— and Arthur is seeing this as a second chance of sorts, his way to protect and provide, to do what he couldn’t do for who he lost.

That’s where the issue comes in though…they don’t love each other like that—but at the same time, they feel that connection because they both are using one another to fill a void of some sort. For Abigail, she’s being taken care of, her son is being taken care of, she had a strong male presence not out to manipulate or sleep with her for the first time, and Arthur gets the family that he lost: a good, strong woman and a child.

They both see what can be: her and Arthur a couple, him a father to Jack but can’t force themselves to be that—to truly want that because they don’t, not with each other at least. I think that maybe just maybe they tried it, even toyed with the idea of something at some point in time that John was gone for that reason alone. But with John back, Abigail had to face the reality of the man she truly loved being back (even if he is a deadbeat at the time), and Arthur had to face the fact that Jack isn’t his, he’s not Isaac, and Abigail isn’t Eliza. With the main factor to separate them and give them clarity back in the picture, I think the pair would finally realize this fact and go back to being strictly platonic because any romance that did happen was out of this mutual need to fill a void, not a desire to be with one another if that makes sense. But Arthur seeing that John STILL treats them poorly, the marriage entry makes sense.

The wishing that he could’ve forced himself to marry her, to push through the conflicting emotions and the fact that he didn’t really love her like that—so that he knew that she and her son would be provided for, because at the end of the day he does love both of them, just not in the way that he wants to, and vice versa. Looking into their relationship is so interesting to me.

That’s my hot take for today. That’s all!

[dunmeshistash]

ive always wondered if milsiril's overprotectiveness of kabru was less because of infantilisation (although she def like all elves has that problem) and more so out of guilt. she was a captain of the canaries during the Utaya incident I believe and she witnessed what happened and she couldn't stop it. and she left the canaries because of it and took in the kid who was the Only survivor, raised him in extreme comfort so he'd never see the horrors again and didn't want him anywhere near the dungeons! like i think learning self defense for defenses sake would have made her hesitant but she would have obliged but because it was specifically for the dungeons she was so against it. also like he must have had a rough few years dealing with that trauma as well which doubled her protectiveness

I believe it's a mixture of both, I don't think you can really take away the guilt (actually unsure if that's the best word to describe it) nor the race relations from how Milsiril sees Kabru.

I am the Milsiril apologist ™ but the fact she see's Kabru as a child even now is a big part of their relationship, she's a mother that can't grow up (both for being an elf and for her own issues) and that has to cope with her children outgrowing her fast

Putting a read more cause as usual when it's about Milsiril I talk too much

We can see in every way Milsiril acts that she sees Kabru at most as a toddler during his time with her, she's hand feeding him, has him in a room full of toys and talks about him like he's a cute baby.

I think people are too mean about this side of Milsiril tbh. I think it makes her interesting and it's clear (to me at least) that she does her best to provide for her children even if she doesn't truly understands them. Even in that first interaction with Kabru where she's trying to hand feed him they were *already* training with swords beforehand.

Milsiril also talks to Kabru in a way that kinda seems to expect him to understand more than what a small child would like we can see in the AB extra

So her infantilization doesn't extend to underestimating him at least, rather I think that's how she shows affection (which is still bad 😭)

Anyway, about her trauma with the dungeon and guilt (or maybe shame? Fear?), I do think that was one of the motivations for her to take Kabru in as I said in this post (beware I am a Milsiril apologist and I am VERY biased in seeing her in a more positive light, doesn't mean it's true) but I think that side of her manifests in her sudden switches from crybaby mom to ruthless master

Milsiril is very emotionally unstable from what we can see, she's really trying to convince Kabru not to go into dungeons and when tears don't work she switches into training him so hard he'll give up on his own. I've seen people call this her "true colors" or say she was using "crocodile tears" but in my opnion both the tears and the threat are genuine, I don't think it's a planned switch but rather the fact she's unstable to begin with, both the crybaby mom and the scary swords master are her true self.

Anyway! I think both guilt and infantilization are intertwined in her love towards Kabru, I've said this before but she's a flawed caretaker in a world where she does not have the resources to become a better one. She's traumatized she's depressed and she's an elf, but she's the only one (that we know) willing to at least *try* to treat the people she cares for the correct way. If it wasn't for Milsiril Kabru would have been raised by elves like Rin was (and we know that went very bad, they traumatized her), and Mithrun might not have received the proper rehab he needed to go back into the canaries (He might have managed but we see Milsiril put in the effort to help him cope besides being the one to tell him about Utaya)

That is all to say: Milsiril is still flawed!! It's part of what I love about her, and it's the reason so many people dislike her too. I'm saying this cause sometimes when I go on my Milsiril rants I get asks putting down Kabru to raise her up and that's like, very uncomfortable lmao. Even if she did her best he still was the one that to deal with all of her shortfallings while being raised and he's still the one responsible for getting to where he is, she just made is easier than it could have been.

Disclaimer as is usual for my Milsiril posts: I'm a Milsiril fan, my interpretations of her are very charitable because I often see people being way too uncharitable about her. Please read the original material and make up your own interpretation, this posts only contain what I think it's relevant for my point not an objective view of the whole. I've also already made several posts about her and I don't want to keep repeating myself so if you think I glossed over something important that's probably why.

Edit: thinking more about it, maybe rather than feeling guilty herself she might blame "elves" as a whole for the failure in Utaya, it does say she left it "in disgust". It's not that clear how she feels about it.

I still think it's shared trauma though, I don't think it's possible for Milsiril to not have been affected by what happened there and I think it's part of why she doesn't want Kabru to go to dungeons again. But her way to cope is to turn away from it (and blaming "elves" might be part of how she copes) while Kabru's is to face it so it doesn't happen again

[beloveds-embrace]

Hihi!! Re-read your dukedome where reader falls deathly ill after being neglected so many times, I absolutely adore it. It kept me on the edge of my seat, I love how I could actually feel my heart plummet alongside Gaz’s when he finds reader in her bed and terribly sick

It had my brain trying to think up of different ways this could end up. Like if reader ended up not surviving, being too fragile and weakened by malnourishment, the emotional toll of everything and the sickness. Would the 141 be able to look at each other knowing they have innocent blood on their hands? Would it weaken their bond? Would they feel sick to their stomach each time they try to be intimate as the thought of reader haunts them?

Or maybe reader does indeed survive, but the extent of the illness and how far it set left her with permanent health issues, a compromised immunity and weaker lungs, leaving the possibility of the smallest of colds making her bed ridden and proving to be possibly fatal. So now she is truly a bird in a golden cage with her wings clipped as she is too physically vulnerable to do much of anything. The 141 having to live with the physical embodiment of their guilt and regret

Maybe this incident messed up with her psyche, causing her to develop androphobia (a fear of men), or an unhealthy and concerning fascination with drowning and water

Oh and the fact that Gaz was the one to find her could either result in her being afraid of him specifically (last voice she heard, so her fever ravished brain just went bonk) or she grows very attached to him specifically or maybe a third secret route lmao

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough I think. Thank you for the fuel for my silly little scenarios (btw, please don’t feel obligated to write for this ask, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you since it’s your au. In no way is this meant to pressure you, I would hate to come across as demanding or making you uncomfortable.)

Hope you have and amazing day/night and remember to always put your well-being first and take care of yourself <33

WAITTT anon this reminds of the trope of yk “woman of the house who is a recluse” and this fitsss 😩 like yes at first it was due to how much weaker her immune system now was, how vulnerable she was, but more than that duchess is now just… tired. Tired and scared. Of all of them, not just Kyle. They had led her to this point- how is she meant to look at them with anything except for fear?

Though as for them, the guilt is eating them alive. Barely anyone can get the duchess to whisper more than a few words, and now she spends her days even more secluded from everyone than before. It’s a cruel existence, and they are largely to blame for it.

Thank you so so much for this wonderful idea, anon!! I hope you have a lovely, perfect day/night :3 💕🫶🏻

[depraved-love]

Alois Trancy X Mother Figure F!Reader

Self-indulgent content ahead you've been warned.

Honestly, I have no idea how you did this. Maybe you were looking for a job, or perhaps you stumbled upon his manor during a storm. Either way, you ended up in Alois's service.

It took a bit; he was very cautious around you. (It's been a while since he had a human servant.)

One night, you were behind on your duties and working overtime. You were just outside his door when he screamed in terror.

You ran to his side and found him breathing heavily, staring at the door as if a monster would storm in any second. But it was just you.

Used to looking after children, you acted on instinct. You sat next to him, took him in your arms, and ran your fingers through his hair. In a gentle, hushed tone, you asked, "What's wrong?"

In that moment, he didn't care if you were being fake; he just craved the feeling of being truly looked after. He didn't tell you what the nightmare was about, but from there, it all changed.

Day 1: He clung to you the whole day. (To his butler's astonishment and dismay.)

Day 4: You were to stop calling him "Your Highness." (Calling him Alois was faster anyway.)

Day 6: You lost all duties that didn't involve him.

Day 10: You moved into his room.

Day 15: He promoted you from your former role to his caretaker alongside Claude.

Day 30: You moved into his room.

Day 31: He started settling down, or so it seemed.

Day 90: "Mother! Help me get dressed!" It was a slip-up. He expected a big reaction, but when it didn't come, it became the norm. Other servants don't like the closeness you share but keep their mouths shut... for now...

From then on, Alois became dependent on you to an unhealthy degree.

He doesn't like you disciplining him much, but surprisingly he lets you, as long as it's not physical.

He developed a major co-sleeping issue. He can't help that your arms are so warm.

He won't admit it, but he likes when you actively baby him—when you say he's too young to handle something, when you wipe something off his cheek, and so on.

He might act a little more clumsy... not on purpose, of course... He didn't usually cry over a small cut or a scraped knee... well, he certainly changed.

You have your own kids? Great! Now he gets to have siblings again! He has to be the favorite, though.

His favorite activity is always going to be when you sit in the library with him in your lap and read him stories.

You can't heal him, but you help him get better and eventually live a happy life...

[Canon end] You were visiting your family when it happened... you only found the body... The guilt nearly killed you, but you lived through it. You never moved on. The image of the body of a boy you came to love haunts you. The most awful feeling, though, is the fact that you can't feel him. It's like someone or something locked his soul away so that you never can feel his presence again.

[a-bright-comet]

Jade Shadows Thoughts

(NOTICE: I have edited this post after a few days and many lovely replies and tags giving me more insight and opinions, overall my view of this quest has gotten a lot more positive, thank you all <3) okaaayyyy I am utterly rattled rn lmao also made the mistake of looking at tumblr after doing the quest and as expected it seems to be a 50/50 of hating or loving it. so here are my personal thoughts, I am a little scared but talk seems to be civil thankfully. I can definitely agree on the sentiment that this quest needed more time, cause let's be honest the people hating this quest wouldn't be jumping to the things they're jumping to if Jade herself got more screen-time before the big drop, warframe's style has always been vague and never 100% straight-forward and I think that unfortunately hurt it a bit this time, as what they didn't show came off wrong to many people and while I sorta see why I disagree on some parts. I also feel like the quest kinda got a bit *too* hyped both by DE and the fanbase's theories, way too short, it deserved and needed to be a bit longer for it's special narrative. Jade kinda got a weird spot, both being the main focus alongside Stalker but also hardly explored. But let's be honest, most of the negativity is caused by this outside-circumstance alone. Now, what I absolutely disagree with is people insisting that DE was trying to say "bodily autonomy bad" or that Stalker didn't care about her and only the child, thing is I thought it was pretty fucking clear that she *wanted* the child in what little was shown and she was going to die no matter the outcome (thanks to the orokin to absolutely no one's surprise) and Stalker in his guilt for all she's done for him wanted to make sure that he at least kept this one promise to Her, cause She wanted it. she still had bodily autonomy in the fact She wanted this, she wanted the child no matter what. and she wanted stalker to protect her and the kid. And he did, like a true loving partner. DE has a long track record of being very autonomy-positive. A point they make time and time again is that ripping it away is *bad* and horrifying, the quest is a bittersweet tragedy, not a horror. Honestly there would be 0 issue if DE had given us a Jade-only quest before this one, I personally would've preferred it as well, she's cool as hell she deserves it. who knows maybe DE will see all of this and make prequel quests? we can only hope. I do not want to assume the worst of anyone or anything cause that's a miserable existence. Look I personally enjoyed the quest and get the feeling whoever wrote it did it out of some personal experience or sorrow, that's at least the vibe I got. It's a tragedy, but her choice was seen till the end, many women choose to still have a child despite knowing they won't make it, many also don't, that's why choice is important. and she did, she chose her child that she was having while likely forcibly infested and turned into a warframe. (also remember there are women on the team who likely looked at this.) there are some other iffy parts of the quest, (really should've been the drifter instead of the operator if they were gonna do that, but that's personal discomfort.) but overall I enjoyed it and open to explore the implications of a born-warframe-child and Stalker healing as they both grow together. These are my thoughts, and I can understand why people like or dislike this quest, but I think it's fine and just ended up in a very unfortunate spot due to outside circumstances beyond it's control. (sorry if any of this comes off as aggressive it is not my intention despite how riled I am by some folk online, I disagree with you but I do not hate you, I don't even know you.)

Her choice, His promise, Their light.

Thank you for reading my first ever text post about something I care about, not sure I'll be doing this again any time soon out of anxiety lol (Edit: and thanks to everyone responding to this post wonderfully, ya'll are great and have lessened my anxiety and have made me appreciate this quest more <3)

[lyrakanefanatic]

me when i think about jameson believing that no matter what he does to show how invincible and untouchable he is, it will never be enough, and just his self worth issues in general:

me when i think about libby going back to drake time and time again because of how tightly he had her wound around his finger, and how he serenaded her with sweet lies so she could forget about how abusive he really was:

me when grayson hurts himself, and his relationship with others, due to the tremendous amount of guilt weighing down on him every single day:

me when avery has a difficult time trusting people because nobody has ever given her a reason to, and her realizations throughout the series that she will never fit into the society that the will thrust her into:

me when xander casually jokes about how lonely he is, and how he will never be the same as his brothers, so he had to make a “team” for himself:

me when max feels the need to travel across states to be close to her friend for support, when her family disowns her for having a boyfriend, and when she was alone and scared and didn’t want to bombard avery with her problems:

me when rebecca will forever live in her sisters shadows no matter what, and the fact that she can’t be her own person due to it:

me when i think about gigi and savannah growing up and trying to win their dad over by being smart and the “best” versions of themselves, all so that he’ll stop seeing them as the daughters who will never live up to colin, his “true son”:

me when i think about eve being doomed from the beginning, and just how tragically desperate she is due to the environment she was raised in:

me when i think about how nash forced himself to believe that maybe, his mother would finally stick around, even though it wasn’t true, and also just his belief that there was nobody in this world that could actually love him and was right for him:

honorary mention:

me when i think about how lyra must hate her birthday. ☹️.

[causenessus]

try again

part 0.9. ALL OR NOTHING.

“he doesn’t see her today. but he’s thinking of her anyway. when is he not? today, he sends a song to her, because he doesn’t know what she’s playing in her waiting room.”

content warnings: nightmares, lots of talk about death, the fear of growing up, parental issues, manipulation/guilt-tripping, someone here might just be traumatized, my booty writing

when she was younger, she had a lot of nightmares.

sometimes they were something stupid; something that shouldn’t have scared her but did. sometimes they were things implausible; like walking on a dirt path, and suddenly the ground giving out on her and she was falling from an inescapable height, her mouth open and trying to scream with all her might but no sound was coming up, and then she woke up right before she hit the ground.

sometimes, they were about death.

about people dying.

she was never the one responsible, and they never died in a terrifying way.

they were realistic causes, like old age, or a car crash. none of that scared her.

it was her reaction to the deaths that scared her. 

her brain wasn't necessarily punishing her with these terrors of death, it was punishing her for how terrible and cold-hearted she was.

she would dream of her father dying of a disease at an old age and everyone around her would be crying but her. she'd stand there, eyes dry, just thinking about what she should’ve done. she should’ve said i love you, instead of love you. it didn’t matter that he was a horrible person, she was horrible, for being so selfish. maybe it wouldn't have been an honest truth that came out of her mouth, but at least it was something that would've been nice for him to hear before he died. and that's what she'd been known for; for being selfless. how could she ever put herself above another? she didn't even have a purpose or right to live. she felt that she only existed to burden other people.

she would have nightmares of her mother dying in a terrible car crash, and she was standing there again, face blank, thinking about how she should have stopped ignoring her. she should have pushed through her discomfort and hate for the woman, knowing she was still human and deserved to be treated as much.

the entire dilemma stemmed from the guilt that had found its way into every corner and crevice of her heart and mind thanks to her parents. they were the cause of her guilt and the terrors that stemmed from them, but she didn't know how to stop that. to set boundaries, or not let their emotions affect her even if it was all a plot to get her to do what they wanted.

she was an all-or-nothing kind of person; never able to just be in the middle. she gave the entirety of her heart to one person or showed them no care at all. she could either go against every warning signal in her head and put up with her father and mother in order to not feel so bad about the fact that they were providing for her (despite it being their fucking job) or she could completely cut them off.

her mother actually cut her off first, to be fair.

but then she cut off her father the moment she graduated from high school. 

she found a place to stay in the next city over, her last message to him being a simple goodbye, without any details about where she went and if she’d ever be back (the answer was no).

and yet that hadn’t been a clear enough sign for him to back off. she had never been able to communicate that to him. whether it was because he chose to ignore her attempts to distance herself from him or because he couldn’t understand what she was doing, he never left her alone.

she woke up today with seven missed calls from an unknown number. it was one too many calls to be from anyone she wanted the call to be from. there was a pit of despair growing larger in her stomach, a bubble of fear taking up all the space in her lungs as her finger hovered over the voicemail button.

no one needed her that bad to call her so many times. if her patients need her, they knew to text her, or if they really needed to call them, there was no way they'd call seven times, right? she'd have to check her voicemail, just in case.

she only needed one second before she hit the end call button. 

the hum of an old broken fridge in the background, a kitchen chair he always brooded at, keeping her from ever venturing out of her room, the broken clearing of a man’s throat. it wasn't a patient. it was him.

she wanted to throw up.

she wanted to go back to sleep.

she wanted to give this day another try. to wake up, have a phone clear of any notifications, and to have a good day.

but she couldn’t.

it was all or nothing.

close her eyes and stay in bed or get up and do her job.

she couldn’t let other people define her days like this. she couldn’t let the single, most vague mention of her mother let her ruin the rest of her day, but how could she do that? it was all or nothing.

the sound of the door to her apartment closing brought her back to her senses.

akaashi had just left for the day, and she was the last one left in their place.

everyone else was out living their life, she needed to be out there too. she should be out there. she had a job to do. people to help, no matter if she needed help or not. what day was it even?

she squints at her phone, the screen reading 7:30 a.m. she'd skimmed over the clock initially, and she almost wished she stayed ignorant. she should’ve been at her office by now. if she was lucky she'd still get to her office before her first appointment and if she remembered correctly, her 8 a.m. had needed to reschedule their meeting today for a different time.

the final push that got her out of bed was the thought that she’d see him today. she wanted to see sakusa. she could try her hardest to have a good day if it meant getting to see him.

and it all starts with one foot out of bed.

when sakusa walks through the door, she looks more relieved to see him than he does to see her and he knows something is wrong. but she doesn't bring attention to the fact and he worries he might be overthinking it. maybe she’s just getting more comfortable with him, and is happy to see him. but, at the same time, everything about her posture says otherwise. her shoulders are too stiff and her knee is bouncing too much. normally, it's posed and whose foot hits the floor with anxious repetitiveness.

she was the grounding, calming force he tended to rely on but today it seemed that the roles had switched.

it wasn’t a bad thing, she had never been good at putting herself first, and he was sure that hadn’t changed even now.

“how was your week? i know we talked about a game you were worried about last week. did it go well? everything with your game and your coach?” she asks when he sits down. she gives him a casual smile but averts her eyes when he starts searching her face, trying to tell what's wrong. she’s not sure why he’s looking at her like that, as if he cares, but a small part of her is falling apart under his gaze. it’s the same part of her that’s loved him since the day they met. it’s the part of her that when they meet eyes, she feels a common burn between them.

“are you okay?” he asks, and she blinks, feeling like she's one word from falling apart.

“yeah, i’m fine!” she responds, maybe too cheery to appear normal. her other appointments today went smoothly enough, and she feel distracted from her own problems but also worse at the same time, considering she's spent the day listening to others' issues instead. she resists placing her computer on her lap, knowing she needs to bare his gaze straight on in order to get him off her back.

she can feel the weight of his eyes upon her, but he doesn’t keep pushing. she focuses completely on him, telling herself over and over not to let her guard down. it feels a little wrong of her to use the sensitive information her patients trust her with as a distraction from her own thoughts, but when it comes to sakusa, she think it has less to do with what he’s saying and more with the fact that he’s simply here in this room with her.

she wants to stand up, cross the room, sit on the couch with him, lean gently on his shoulder, not throwing her entire weight onto him, but just being in the slightest bit of contact with him.

would he let her touch him like that? or would he be disgusted? avoidant of her touch? weary of it? he had let her put her hand on his chest last time, but had that just been a special moment? maybe she had worsened since then, maybe he could see right through to her depressive state of mind and found it repulsive.

she had to close her eyes for a second and take a deep breath. she was getting too ahead of herself, allowing her head to demonize the man in front of her and making him seem like something he wasn’t. she hoped he didn’t hate her as much as she thought he did. they were in such a strange place right now, seeming to float between the relations of acquaintances, client and consultant, friends, and maybe something a little more.

“[y/n].”

the sound of her name made her eyes snap open, “yes? i’m so sorry, i promise i’m listening.” she had tried her best to provide some amount of advice and reiteration when she could, but he did most of the talking while she nodded along. she was paying attention but at the same time certainly letting her mind wander ever so often. she felt like a piece-of-shit-failure, sitting there across from him; silent, waiting for him to continue. she had no idea what he had just said before her name, obviously, so she couldn’t even try to pretend like she’d heard anything. she was a failure– it was as simple as that. nothing less, nothing more. a feeling of guilt and shame settled in her gut, making her feel nauseous on top of how heavy her head already felt.

“i didn’t say anything,” he replies and the negative, nauseating feeling inside of her spreads across her entire body, leaving her aching. it physically hurts, how heavy her mind feels. she shouldn’t have come to work today. she should have rescheduled appointments rather than being selfish. maybe she should have never started this career to begin with. “i just said i think it’s almost been an hour.”

she glances at the clock on her wall, and he’s right. their time is up, and for some reason that feels like the end of the world to her. “you’re completely right. i’m sorry, sakusa. i hope you still got something out of today’s session even though I was a little out of it. sorry about that, again– i promise i care and that i was trying to listen as best as i could…” she trails off, feeling like her excuse is meaningless. she should’ve left it at her apology. she couldn’t even say that she was listening as best as she could, only that she tried. and her trying wasn’t good enough. anything less than perfect felt wrong to her; like the worst possible outcome. if she wasn’t always putting her all into her work, how could she hope to help people? as always, she could only ever give people all or nothing. and in her field, she was responsible for making their mental and physical states better, she shouldn’t be so emotional at a time like this it was pathetic and wrong–

they’re standing at her door, and she’s holding it open for him as always. she’d spaced out again, waiting for him to leave so that she could close and lock the door and spend an hour on the floor crying before figuring out how to get home on her own without breaking down in public. but he hadn't left yet. he was stopped in front of her, she realizes. he's staring down at her and now she’s looking back up at him. some of his curls are falling in front of his eyes, and she wants to brush them away.

really, she wants to be in his arms. maybe that would make everything feel better.

but she doesn’t feel like she has the right to hug him anymore. their talk over text a few nights ago feels so far away, like who she was only a few nights ago is a completely different person from who she is now. she doesn’t know who she is, she just feels like a soulless body. she wishes she could go back in time, so many years ago when things weren’t much easier, but at least she still had him. if she could go back in time, she never would have left him. she wishes she could tear her heart out, put up with her father, and never have let him ruin her entire life.

“do you need anything?” he asks softly because he’s not sure how else to word it. what he wants to say, the four simple words “i care about you” get lodged in his throat because, for some reason, it's easier for him to confess almost his entire heart to her behind a screen. so he settles for this question instead, leaving it open, for however she wants to interpret and respond to it.

“no,” she lies. she knows she can ask for help, but she can’t, she can't let herself. “i’m okay, thank you. i’m sure you have other things to do today. don’t let me hold you up.” she’s staring at his jacket now, waiting to watch it start to move, but it doesn't. he doesn’t even move an inch after her answer.

“i don’t have anything else going on today. i want to be there for you.” his voice sounds like everything she could ever wish for. he sounds like the person she spent nights crying to whatever heavenly body resided above, asking them to give her someone, anyone to come into her life and love her.

“you’re my last patient for the day,” she finds herself saying. she never was able to resist him much, “i have to close up, but if you want to go somewhere afterwards, you can wait for me, but only if you want to.”

“i’ll wait,” he agrees. “i’ll wait for you. i want to.”

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extras <3

hi! :3

this chapter was started all the way back in September wow!!!

the tea gossipers have each other's locations

so you best believe they're about to check y/n's location and see she's going out somewhere after work

and together, the three men will piece together what's going on

that's for next chapter

or the chapter after that

next chapter soon!!!

two chapters left <3

taglist: @eggyrocks @wyrcan @guitarstringed-scars @strawberryuri @violetesensou @kakeru-eem @glmge @heytheredemonsss @mollyrolls @bemebiu @daszy @snail-squasher @0moonii @thiisisntlovely @todorokiskitten @rory-cakes @iiwaijime @iatethemochi @yuminako @savemebrazilhinata @kismyscars @bokutoko @nobodybutnnoorr @wolffmaiden @daisy-room @softpia @lees-chaotic-brain @v3nusplanetofluv @crispchocolates @phoenix-eclipses @hhoneyhan @encrypta @rockleeisbaeeee @cr4yolaas @zombriesworld @localgaytrainwreck @moucheslove @hibernatinghamster @notverymarley @certaindreampost  @akaakeis @ciderscape @lucien-luna @strawbrinkofdeath @wave2mia @samuel1004 @01trickster10 @dazqa @cosmiicdust @chemiru (form to be added to taglist! <3)

[yanderes-galore]

Yandere strawhats hcs with a reader who won’t succumb to stockholm syndrome who’s fighting to get back home to her island. ( if that’s to much maybe just Nami and Luffy please if that’s ok with you ? )

I decided to do separate HCs/reactions as I wasn't sure exactly what you wanted? Hope you enjoy ^^; I wanted to do a section for Usopp, Zoro, and Sanji... but you probably meant the entire crew so I stuck to the two you said.

Sorry these are short! I focused on reactions

Yandere! Nami + Luffy with Darling resisting

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Stockholm syndrome, Isolation, Overprotective behavior, Kidnapping, Delusional behavior, Forced companionship/relationship.

Monkey D. Luffy

Luffy probably doesn't even do Stockholm Syndrome on purpose.

Let alone really know about it much (To my knowledge?)?

I mean... He wishes you'd stop fighting, yes.

Although he prefers to see you stop fighting him like you're willingly complying to his care.

In reality, he's accidentally broken you mentally.

He definitely doesn't understand what he did.

Although if he did, there would be some guilt.

Like I've stated in previous Luffy works, he's oblivious to his actions.

No matter how invasive.

He doesn't get why you fight him.

You keep saying you didn't want to come with them, that you didn't want to travel.

You keep saying you miss home.

Yet Luffy doesn't know why?

Wasn't life on your island boring?

When his crew stayed there for a couple days, you seemed to get along fine with him.

But now you're all upset?

Luffy may even think you're sick, bringing you to Chopper to have you checked.

In reality, you aren't the sick one.

It's either just Luffy... or the entire crew.

Luffy breaks you due to being oblivious, dragging you along with him on adventures as you slowly lose hope.

He's just so clingy and insists on you staying at the ship.

He always wants your attention, often claiming the rest of the crew care about you.

So why do you keep running off?

Luffy has had shipmates run off on him.

More often than you'd think, actually....

He may just think you have some sort of issue he needs to help resolve like the rest!

You're trying to run and find help on an island, maybe some way to home.

Only for Luffy to be around looking for you, claiming to others you're just a bit... sick.

He isn't entirely lying.

Luffy just thinks you want to go home because you're ill and need rest on the boat.

Completely ignoring the fact he dragged you on the ship to make you a new member of the crew... against your better judgment.

Luffy refuses to acknowledge your feelings on the matter most of the time, making you upset.

Why would he?

He's showing you adventure and companionship!

He wants you to be there as he becomes King of The Pirates!

He can't seem to let you go and just doesn't understand your escape attempts.

Eventually, unfortunately, you may end up succumbing at some point.

Soon you'll realize it's fruitless, that Luffy will never see reason.

Especially when he tells you, a runway woman, that you're a pirate just like him!

Which only turns people away or makes you targeted.

Fighting just becomes... tiring.

The moment you give in and help the crew, giving up and maybe even helping Luffy out of danger...

That's when he gives a wide grin, finally realizing you're no longer sick!

He praises you, all excited.

In a way you even begin to love and care for him in your own way once it's forced into you.

Now you can adventure with the crew properly... and he'll NEVER leave your side!

Nami

Nami is someone who's more aware of Stockholm syndrome.

Although at first I feel she'd be against it.

She understands your want to escape, especially if the whole crew is obsessive.

In fact, it reminds her of her own past at times.

Not EXACTLY of course, but the want to escape and feeling imprisoned?

She understands that.

That would be why she's hesitant about it or is very sympathetic.

I imagine if the whole crew was obsessive over this one woman, Nami would at first seem comforting.

She's sympathetic and caring, even if you keep trying to escape.

Although your attempts REALLY get on her nerves.

Nami is shown to view the crew as family.

Which means she views you as family.

While she isn't oblivious to what her actions will accomplish, she can't bring herself to let you go.

She tries hard to make you feel welcome and cared for on the ship.

You're both women so surely you should feel better now that you have female company, right.

Unfortunately, no, you still run away whenever you can.

You keep trying to ask others for help, claiming the Strawhats are kidnappers.

Yet, Nami knows how to swing the odds in her favor with words.

She's used to manipulating people.

So Nami may just retrieve you by saying you're overwhelmed, that you two are close and you're always like this.

She does it all with a smile even if she's laying, dragging you back to the crew as she scolds you.

Nami is both the most understanding yet also strict with you.

Her biggest fear is her family being torn apart since the lost her family once already.

Which drives her to force you by her side and even coddle you at times.

She tries to show vulnerability towards you, she tries to show you she loves you.

Yet you keep trying to leave.

Eventually Nami may convince you against fleeing by locking you in the boat, probably in the sleeping quarters.

She can be tolerant...but she can also be easily annoyed.

You plead with her to let you go home, that you miss your home!

Yet Nami seems like the type of yandere to just grin while she pulls you closer with a sigh...

Then she tells you the ship and the crew on it are your home and family.

This is where you belong.

This is where you need to be.

Then she'll just hug you, mumbling about how you need to move on from the past.

It's heartbreaking, you thought Nami would help you get out of this situation.

Unfortunately, she doesn't...

Which makes you lose hope since she seems the most... rational.

Eventually, when you break down due to feeling hopeless and isolated...

Nami's there to comfort you.

She tells you over and over again she cares... she loves you...

You can trust her, she's family.

While you don't want to... she and the rest of the crew is all you have...

This makes you give up... and maybe even love her in return...

Which makes her adore you even more now that you've given in.

[steddieas-shegoes]

Baby formula was expensive, and Eddie knew the fact that half of the container being spilled on the counter would probably cause Steve to have a heart attack.

It was an accident, obviously. He didn’t just decide to dump half of the powdered gold that fed their newborn daughter on the kitchen counter.

And Steve wouldn’t be mad about it. He didn’t get mad about accidents.

But he would definitely spiral about how that was two days’ worth of bottles for Ella and how they had a budget.

Eddie told him many times they were fine. He had more than enough money in savings from the band’s success, and he knew Steve had his own trust fund that he’d guilted his parents into letting him keep as a way to apologize for never being around in his childhood.

Money wasn’t really an issue for them.

But Steve was still careful with it, and Eddie loved that about him.

Other than their house, they’d never made major purchases, and stuck to necessities only with occasional extra spending for birthdays and Christmas for their loved ones.

But after they adopted Ella, Steve turned into a penny pincher. He stocked up on everything from diapers to formula to baby soap any time there was a sale, and refused to buy the “fancy” brand that had the same ingredients and vitamins as the generic store brand.

Eddie loved him.

But he was very worried about Steve finding out about this.

Maybe if he just cleaned it up and then pretended Ella had had a few extra bottles?

No, then he’d panic that her food intake was abnormal and he’d call the pediatrician and Eddie would have to backtrack and then Steve would be mad.

He pulled the trash can in front of the counter, swiping his hand across quickly to get most of it into the trash.

As he moved the trash can back to its usual spot, Steve came around the corner with Ella in his arms, cooing at her.

God, he was born to do this. Eddie was gonna do everything he could to give him the six nuggets he wanted so he could watch him in his element for as long as possible.

“Say hi to Daddy, Ella,” Steve said before looking up at Eddie, who was wiping down the counter furiously.

Not fast enough if Steve’s face was any indication.

“What are you doing?”

Dammit.

“Just cleaning.”

“You’re wiping the counter.”

“Yes.”

“You never do that.”

“I just finished the dishes so I thought I should.”

“You do the dishes all the time and never do that.”

He was so suspicious. Rightfully so.

Eddie knew he was found out, or if he wasn’t quite yet, he would be as soon as Steve saw the trash.

He sighed, letting his head fall down and his chin hit his chest.

“Eds, what is it?”

Steve was walking behind the counter, concern on his face. Concern for Eddie. Concern he didn’t deserve.

“I spilled something, it’s not a big deal.”

“Okay. But you’re being weird about it so it makes me think it is a big deal.”

And then he saw it. He must have, because Eddie watched him freeze in his tracks and stare down at where the trash is.

“Stevie, it’s not a big deal. I’ll go get another can to make up for it.”

“What happened?”

“I was measuring out her nighttime bottle and knocked the can over.”

“That’s a lot of formula.”

“I know.”

And then Steve started laughing.

It startled Ella in his arms and she let out a whimper like she was about to start crying.

Steve handed her to Eddie so he could lean over, hands on his knees, and laugh louder.

“Ella, your dad’s lost it.”

“Sorry,” Steve said as he tried to gasp for air between hysterical laughter. “Just- you were so serious. Why didn’t you just say that?”

Eddie knew he wasn’t seriously asking that.

“Sweetheart, you��re kind of insane about this stuff. In a good way! I love you because you’re a little crazy! But like, that was a lot of formula and it’s wasteful and costs a lot to replace.”

Steve’s face went serious.

“Baby, you don’t think I’d be mad about an accidental spill, do you?”

Oh no, he was hurt.

Eddie hurt his feelings.

“No! No. It’s not that. It’s just you’re so serious about the budget and this would mess it up.”

“It’s just a little. And it’s not like we actually have to live so tight.”

That was suspicious. What the hell did that mean?

Steve wasn’t changing his mind on the budget, was he?

He must’ve done something.

“Oh my god. What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Oh yes you did. Your face is bright red and you look like you committed a felony. I would know what that looks like since we’ve committed at least two together.”

Steve somehow blushed harder.

“It wasn’t a felony.”

“Aha! But it was something!”

The tables turned awful quickly. Eddie didn’t know how, but he’d take it. Anything to get the focus off of him.

Ella was gurgling in his arms, eyes flitting between the two of them like she was watching a tennis match.

“Well, you know how we talked about getting an RV, right? Since we had Ella now and might try to adopt again? Since it’s one of the things I want more than anything?”

“You bought an RV.”

Eddie was smirking at Steve, who probably expected him to be upset, but Eddie was thrilled.

Not only would they be able to travel the way Steve wanted to, Steve had thrown their budget right out the fucking window.

“I put a down payment on an RV. I told them I had to talk to you first.”

“This is gold.”

“We did technically talk about it already.”

“We did.” Eddie bounced Ella in his arms and looked down at her. “Wanna go on a road trip, angel?”

“So you’re not mad?”

“Sweetheart, I’ve been waiting for you to spend my money for years. This is the third best day of my life.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Eddie walked up to him and kissed the corner of his mouth, then his nose, and finally his lips.

“I love you and your crazy budget.”

“I love you and your ignorance of how money works.”

“That’s why I have you, sweetheart.”

Steve rolled his eyes but nodded.

“We can pick up the RV tomorrow if you want.”

“Did you plan our first trip yet?”

“No.”

Eddie raised a brow at him.

“Yes.”

Eddie jumped up once, making Ella giggle.

“Where are we going?”

“I figured you’d wanna take Wayne to the Smoky Mountains.”

Of course he did. Of course he thought about what Eddie would want and what would make Wayne happy and what he could do to make it happen.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Then I guess we better make a stop at Wayne’s house tomorrow with the RV.”

[contumacious-arcadia]

Hello! I'm aware there is a lot of discontent around shipping Alastor with anyone since it's been stated that he is an asexual character and I would also like to throw my two cents out into the void pertaining to the issue. I *really* like radioapple. My lizard brain spouted "they gon' fuck" as soon as I saw "Dad Beat Dad". I find it super charming and enemies-to-lovers is naturally hella entertaining in my opinion - so I started reading radioapple fics and **they may have actually taught me something about myself. ** I'm on the older side (37), and have always just referred to myself as bisexual. I never really considered anything else because when I was younger and learning my own identity, all of the super specified language just wasn't available to me. It didn't really cross my mind to reexamine those conclusions as time passed, because I was under the impression (as many others also seem to be) that asexual meant "ABSOLUTELY ZERO SEX OR SEX-ADJACENT THINGS FOREVER, NO, NYET, NINE" and aromantic meant "ABSOLUTELY DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS, NEVER EVER, NOPE". ...I am definitely not the only one, as this does seem to be the sticking point people argue about when shipping Al with literally anyone. After reading many, many radioapple fics written by people within the asexual and aromantic spectrums, I feel like I've gotten a better handle on the categorization and shockingly (to me, at least) it seems *I* am actually also very aromantic and moderately touch averse (though I would not consider myself asexual). Who would have thunk that fanfic would teach me a very important fact about myself? It was like I was given a key to understanding why my relationships are always so troubled and why I seem to HATE being in relationships, despite repeatedly diving back into them. I literally give each new partner a whole-ass speech about how *incredibly* uncomfortable overly romantic crap makes me feel and how if they start badgering me/guilting me about the whole 'love' concept incessantly, I will likely freak out and end the relationship... and EVERY TIME they pull that crap and then try to guilt me by claiming that they "didn't think I was serious". If I had the language to explain I was aromantic and touch averse (when not specifically gettin' down), I think I could have avoided a lot of damage. Maybe. Anyway, I just wanted to state that shipping an ace or aro/ace character and writing fanfic that actually explains their thought process and feelings can be a SUPER beneficial thing. I don't know why it wasn't obvious to me that nothing is ever 100% black and white, but again, I don't seem to be the only person who believed that. I would gently urge some of the fans who are hardcore (and vocally) *against* shipping Al with anyone to read some of the fics and maybe it can help them adjust their perspective a bit too - just like it helped me. BUT - this *IS* the internet, so if you just want to shout angrily into the void, you can do that too! Two cents complete.

[vxlentinescookies]

This is a sequel of the previous Dark Cacao one were they fought and everything

Things have calmed down now, the awkward moment has open space for some time, peace and some further talks

But Dark Cacao has come into term with a little something

He likes Reader Cookie: (use any pronouns) are/is strong, resourceful, agile and very skilled, he could see so much potential, and it's a surprise to find someone who not only knows their way in a fight, but ALSO can match HIM

He wants to ask her out, the issue is: how!?

He was not a single clue, time to ask his soldiers for advise I guess?

Maybe even contact hollyberry?

(To resume, this is Dark Cacao finally knowing he likes Reader Cookie, asks others for advise to ask them out and fails miserably, but Reader Cookie is so amazed at the brave [though failed] attempt that decides to give the idea of a date a try)

→ ❛Between the sword and your opponent, pt. 2❜

→ Pairing ; Dark Cacao Cookie x Reader → Quote ; ❛❛It surely didnt go according to plan but, to say Hollyberry, who had been listening intently from behind one of the pillars, wasnt satisfied, would be an understatement.❜❜ → Genre ; Drama , Romance → A/N ; This was very fun hahah, pt 1 is here!

Its been a good few days after the incident, the one where you shamelessly flirted with Dark Cacao in the middle of a fight. To say the king hadnt been thinking about it was… an understatement, he had thought about it, quite a lot. It had leaked into his daily like like the growing vines of grapes, and in return, they were twisting and shaping around his brain like a deadly respite. This, paired with the following talks you both had about the help the kingdom of Rose Champagne wanted to offer to the kingdom of Cacao, and the inevitable flirting that came with your personality, Dark Cacao seemed to inevitably start falling in love. It was a force of nature he didnt expect, that he didnt take in consideration, but as time passed, he realized that these feelings were ever present, and that there was no way he could keep them hidden.

Love, for Dark Cacao, was something he had long since given up on. He no longer seeked it, and he no longer expected it, especially after the falling out with his previous wife and the loss of his son, that he still deep down loved dearly, he no longer felt he had a place in the grounds of love, therefore, he simply stayed on his own place, allowing himself to be moved by the currents of life while focusing on the current moments with his kingdom, his subjects, and the war ever present with Dark Enchantress Cookie.

Thats perhaps what made this moment the more jarring to him, to be flirted with after he felt unlovable, after he felt undeserving of being loved—And then, the fact that his heart was starting to beat with fervor and energy yet again, for someone he once hurt unintentionally… It put his mind and heart at a standstill, confused as to how to proceed, confused as to what to do exactly.

“Damn, sounds like you’re deep in the trenches of love, old friend” Hollyberry would tell them once Dark Cacao sought them out for help, after all, out of all his comrades, the hollyberrian was the most capable when it cames to matters of love.

“Sigh, Im just, confused as what to do… I’ve given up on love a long time ago…” He said, looking down for a few moments, before turning back at her.

His hands were tainted with blood, and his mind haunted by the warriors long lost in the wars the cacao kingdom had been part of, not to mention the small guilt that followed him for having fallen in the trap that was Affogato’s tricks. He sighed yet again, because then there was you, someone hurt unintentionally by his hand, even if he was under the tricks of the snake, he still felt like he owed his people something. 

“Oh c’mon, rid yourself of that long face, Dark Cacao!” Hollyberry would snap him of his thoughts, as she’d laugh heartily “Its clear what you must do, you must act upon your emotions!”

“Act… Upon my emotions?” He felt like he stayed in square one, unable to think of what exact way to move thorough this new challenge. “Right, but, how exactly?”

“You speak as if you hadnt been in a marriage once!” She spoke yet again, frowning for a moment before patting his back lively, and perhaps a bit too strongly “Fret not! What you must do, is confess and ask her out on a date! Dosent that sound logical?”

Right, a date… If only he wasnt rusty in these themes, perhaps the idea would’ve seemed more appetizing, but as it stood, he was confused and didnt know exactly what to do or say. Hollyberry, noticing this, would just sigh and shake her head, she thought Pure Vanilla was THE challenge in the ancient’s groups when it came to love, but Dark Cacao? Now he was winning second place.

You had been resting in your quarters, quietly taking a nap when it happened, a soldier knocking on your door causing you to wake up startled, and once the door opened, you would look confused at the soldier in question, looking at you with seriousness as he spoke the words sent by his majesty. He was requesting your presence in the throne room, words that left you dumbfounded as you brushed hair out of your face before nodding. You didnt put much thought about it, as you dressed to come see Dark Cacao in the throne room.

Walking towards the castle suddenly felt colder than usual, and your steps felt heavier, as if you were expecting something bad to happen, but thinking about it, the worse that could happen would be Dark Cacao shaming you and sending you back after your constant flirting… which didnt seem to be the case, if anything it did seem quite… out of character? The king didnt seem to be that fazed by your flirting, so… But on the other side, you could be expecting the end of the trip as he declared that all was well, and that the Cacao Kingdom would continue relations with the Rose Champagne Kingdom… Not really out of character and far more viable… still, if it were to be the case, why were you hesitating? Why were you feeling so heavy? Confused, you simply approached the door before stopping.

Were you, were you falling in love? No, there was no way, there was simply no way that you were falling in love with the King of the Cacao Kingdom, was it…?

“Your majesty, I’ve arrived…” You spoke as you finally took a step inside, bowing in front of the king, before he’d dismiss the other cookies in the room, letting you both alone in the room. “Is there, something you wished to discuss with me?”

“Yes, ahem… (y/n) cookie, there are some matters I must get to… involving you”

You lifted an eyebrow as he spoke, his nervousness apparent as he left the throne and walked towards you. Each step felt dangerous yet filled with a certain sense of unknown that scared you in some way. Yet you persisted, until he was right in front of you.

“Will… Ahem… Will you go on a date with me?”

“Huh?”

Now it was your turn to be taken aback. You stared at him dumbfounded as you felt all your worries and fears fade away into the dark. He looked at you curiously and you simply coughed before looking at him, smiling.

“... S-Sure, I dont mind!”

“You dont have to if you dont want to…”

“No-No, I do want to! Lets go on a date!”

It surely didnt go according to plan but, to say Hollyberry, who had been listening intently from behind one of the pillars, wasnt satisfied, would be an understatement.

[lostgracestories]

Same characters: Morgott and Mohg. 😋

So we've had "how do they comfort their S/O," but how do they deal with being comforted? Whether it be from an injury, or maybe they've allowed themself a moment of vulnerability.

I literally love you, please never stop giving me ideas ❤ AAAA

Anyways, I'm lowkey writing this on my phone so not proofread or anything. 🫶 enjoy my loyal pookie

wc: 483

tw: injury, tiny bit of angst, panic attack

Rough Comfort

Morgott

Morgott didn't mean to, but he had sliced his bicep open in the midst of a squabble. At first he tried to hide it from you by bandaging it himself, but the moment you noticed the bandage when he stuck his arm out a little too far from his cloak, you forced him to sit down so you could fix him up. At first he protested, not wanting to get you dirty with his blood. But the moment the warm feeling of a healing incantion buzzed over his skin, he shut his mouth and a quiet purr escaped his lips. He tried to stifle it but the smile on your face convinced him otherwise.

Morgott definitely has self worth issues. He measures his worth based on what the golden order established omens as. The idea that he was cursed and unwanted would often weigh him down. Anytime you caught him silently spiraling, you would climb into his lap and draw circles over his rough features, offering him praises. He wouldn't admit it, but he absolutely loved the feeling of his face being touched in such a way. His shoulders would immediately relax and his eye would shut as he sunk into your hands.

Now, if Morgott is having a panic attack or feeling stressed, comforting him can become very difficult. He paces back and forth and rambles over the topic of trouble and it takes you nearly an hour just to talk him into sitting down with you. Finally, when he resorts to simply spacing out, you pull his head into your lap and brush your fingers through his hair. In these situations you find that silence seems to bring him the most comfort as he grounds himself with your touch.

Mohg

Mohg is a different story. When he gets injured, he immediately comes to you like a wounded puppy. Even for something as small as a minor cut. And you oblige him with praises each and every time, soaking in the delighted sounds that fall past his fangs.

Mohg doesn't particularly feel a sense of guilt for being born the way he was. In fact, he seems to celebrate his appearance and embrace his "curse" however, he does struggle with self image in what people think of him. He'll come to you all sad if he thinks that he wasn't "imposing enough" while explaining his dynasty to another possible candidate.

Finally, mohg sometimes also experiences panic attacks. But instead of fearing that he would burden you with his troubles, you are the first person he seeks out. The moment you see him, hands trembling and eye glossy with tears threatening to spill you take him by the hands and pull him into a much needed hug. Once he's calmed down a little, you'll sit with him and listen to whatever is troubling, he sometimes just needs to get it out of his mind.

[kalinara]

(X-Men #14, Fall of the House of X #1, X-Men #1 - 2024)

So one of the things that I've been wanting to blog about since I went back to my origins to be a full on Cyclops-centered comics blog again, is how delightful (and maybe a bit delightfully dysfunctional) I find the modern Jean Grey and Scott Summers relationship.

You probably have an idea of where this is going already, given the number of top/bottom jokes I've made about the two. (Technically they're probably domme/sub jokes, but it's funnier to use the other terms. Also, I'm pretty sure they engage in telekinetic pegging.)

So I'm putting it behind a cut, because it's long and rambly, and with additional scans. But nothing in it should be a surprise.

Anyway it really is genuinely fascinating to me.

First of all, I'm very happy with the modern, and I think ORIGINAL, interpretation of the Jean Grey - Phoenix relationship, where the Phoenix is, always has been, and always will be, a part of Jean Grey herself. I always thought the possession/replacement story was unnecessary, and it's far more interesting to look at it as Jean all along.

But more importantly, given my focus, is that I'm delighted at how this has shaken out into this absolutely fascinating Goddess-Mortal dynamic between these two characters.

I chose the panels that I did for this post, because I feel like they really illustrate Scott's side of their relationship dynamic. You have poor Jean, who fears her power and what she might do, and constantly tries to atone for the damage she'd done in the past when she'd lost control of herself* (and I want to get back to the Dark Phoenix Saga, in a bit). And then you have Scott, whose reaction to the fact that his wife is maybe the most powerful being in the universe appears to be "my wife can beat up the entire universe, and it is fucking awesome!"

I mean look at these panels. The first one is from Judgment Day, a story that could prompt so much meta in its own right. We've seen how the Progenitor works at this point - he judges the vast majority of people and finds them wanting. A lot of times the root of his judgment seems to be based either on the character's own guilt and sense of failure (see e.g. Steve Rogers and Matt Murdock), or their complete apathy and disinterest in improvement (see: Charles Xavier). Scott seems like a sitting duck for the first kind of judgment: he IS prone to self-hatred and is haunted by his bad decisions and mistakes.

But he does something unexpected: he denies that the Progenitor has any right to judge him at al. He's willingly given that authority to only one person. And she's not here right now. And he PASSES.

Sadly, the Progenitor does end up throwing this back onto Jean during HER test:

(A.X.E. - X-Men #1)

Sadly, Scott's dead right now and not really able to clarify. But we as readers can go back and look at that top panel. That is not a man who is petrified of his wife. He may well sleep in the lair of the red dragon, but he LIKES it that way.

Basically, Scott Summers passed his Judgment Day test for being a massive submissive. And I love that.

And we see the "only my wife can judge me/would you like to meet her" thing again when Scott's on trial in Fall of the House of X.

And it's fascinating in context, because only a few issues before, he and Jean were on the outs, and she basically DOES judge him:

(It's probably wrong how hot I find it when she holds back his powers like that. It's like power-bondage or something.)

Anyway, this is from X-Men #23. In two issues, he'll be captured. She'll be DEAD. And everything goes straight to Hell. And yeah, they've implicitly resolved their issues before hand (since he's agreeing to leave the X-Men with her in Hellfire Gala), but it's still very sudden.

But in that panel, up there, he has no doubts at all. They were on the outs. She's dead. He's been tortured. And still, facing a kangaroo court, he's completely unwavering in his faith in her.

It's lovely.

Sentimentality aside, the key takeaway here is that he's not afraid of her. Even now, when she's fully integrated her power and is up in space re-igniting stars, he's not afraid of her. I'm actually not sure if he was even afraid of her in the Dark Phoenix Saga. Afraid FOR her, yes. And he certainly recognized when she lost it and tried to talk her down (and seemed to be succeeding, until Xavier interrupted!).

We do see, at one single point, Scott express any kind of feeling of inferiority to Jean. And that's in that truly delightful From the Ashes, Infinity storyline where, when she's freeing him from telepathic captivity, he shows her the hidden files in his mind - how he'd fantasized about them growing old together, and how he knows that won't happen now.

(I love the infinity comics, but it's so hard to blog with them, you know?)

But yeah, Scott's one point of vulnerability with regard to the inequality in their relationship has nothing to do with power. He just doesn't want to be forgotten.

So anyway, I included the last scan because, vulnerable issues aside, overall, he really does seem to enjoy the fact that his wife is the more powerful cavalry, who'll happily come to save and/or avenge him and is very happy to use that against anyone he wants.

It's cute and even a little childish in a fascinating way. "My dad can beat up your dad." Only it's wife, instead of dad.

(Look, I've already done the meta about Scott Summers dating people who parallel his many abusive father figures. The fact that both Emma Frost and Jack Winters have unbreakable diamond alternate forms ALONE...well...)

But we are talking about a man who hadn't really been a child since the day his parents' plane crashed, who bounced from abusive situation to abusive situation, without any hope of rescue (even from the father who was STILL ALIVE in space somewhere). It must be an incredibly heady feeling to be able to say, "YES, my wife is bigger than you and will ALWAYS come to save me."

It might be a bit of a gender subversion on the whole historical romance novel premise of the abused servant girl getting to run off with the warlord who would kill everyone who looked at her wrong.

(I also suspect there's an element of "Okay, fuck it. Everyone's blamed me for everything for so long, including me, that I'm just going to bend over and let HER punish me. And that's IT.")

As for what Jean gets out of the deal, well, she's got someone who will never be afraid of her, who admires every time she lets loose with her power, and thinks she's beautiful and amazing, and helps keep her connected with her past, her self and humanity, not by trying to rein her in, but by providing her with basic human comforts (like an unnecessary space ship), simply to make her happy.

Let's just hope that nothing ever happens to him. Because, well, as I've said before, the thing that most adaptations miss about the Dark Phoenix Saga, is that it's never been about a woman being too powerful for anyone's good. It's about a woman who gets repeatedly gaslit, manipulated, mentally fucked around with, who then watches the man she love get hurt and (apparently) die without being able to do anything about it.

...well, I'm a whump fan who likes seeing powerful ladies wreak havoc to rescue hurt and vulnerable men. So I know what I would like to see happen...