#maybe it’s the ex-catholic in me

[winged-thinged]

Life gets so much lighter when you are just allowed to exist. When there's no god in your head listening in on everything you think. When the trees outside are not a sign of anybody's presence, but just beautiful. I think the world, fundamentally, belongs to itself. And we are a part of it. That's all.

[trickstersaint]

transubstantiation // august 2 2023

[anotherqueersnailowner]

My catholic parents: we're going to mass tonight, be good

Me: fine >:(

Also me, 55 minutes into the service: The Church is but a Butcher in Shepherd's clothing, luring gullible sheep to Slaughter with Hollow Promises of Green Pastures and a Warm Place to Lay. It is Hateful Actions justified by claims of Love and Righteousness and Virtuosity. It is a Wolf in Sheep's clothing which has Infiltrated the flock, Feeding upon the most Vulnerable among us while our backs are turned. It is

[youwillfindilluminating]

surprise jewish sway! 💕

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

”I don’t want to give Jehovah’s organization a black eye so I have to suffer in silence. Oh the pain! The pain!”

Mhm. Have you ever considered that Jehovah’s organization has given you not one, but two proverbial black eyes, broken ribs, and a concussion over the years; and maybe you should expose them for the abusers they are, if only enough to get yourself help to heal from the abuse you’ve experienced? You’ve got Stockholm syndrome bad, and you’re making it everyone else’s problem. You cared about your abusers so much that you abused me in their name, just because I wanted no part of their organization. Even if I didn’t seek out apostate resources, I wouldn’t have needed them to make my decision to leave because of how much you vented about them to me since I was about five years old. Did you just expect me to stay here and take the abuse like you did? I’m better than that; I’m better than you.

[lucian-evander]

I never thought i'd say that but i think i'm starting to loose my faith (very positive) ?!

[likeabxrdinflight]

will I ever be free of the Catholic Guilt because I sure am tired of shame-spiraling every time I ask people for things that are mild to moderately inconvenient for them

[skid-the-mighty-poet]

[desolationlesbian]

Being raised by areligious jews with 0 exposure to christianity outside pop culture is so fun. One time I asked my ex-catholic friend why a picture of jesus had a bristle crown and she looked at me like I was insane. One time I heard someone mention the "lance of longinus" and responded, word for word, "Like from Evangelion?" One time during a history lesson my professor described an important monk and scholar as "Dominican" and I spent the rest of class super confused and hung up on it because I was very sure that the Dominican Republic didn't meaningfully exist as an entity back then, maybe she meant he was a native Taino or something but that's a weird way to say that and I'm pretty sure this was pre- European contact? Really fucks people up when they realize I genuinely have no idea.

[thefandomlesbian]

I'm thinking about undertaking a challenge to read every book on my bookshelf.

This would probably take the better part of two years, as I have around 200 books. This challenge would include books I have already read and ones I've not touched before. It would include nonfiction books, academic works, poetry books, and novels.

I would probably start a side blog to review each book, the date I started and the date I finished it, and my general thoughts and interactions with the text.

I'm trying to figure out if this is a sustainable goal or if I should stick to my old habits of fanfic writing, haha. Wondering if anyone else has attempted this and how successful they were!

[maraskywalkers]

I don't know why I, a former protestant, have such a soft spot for characters who are ex-catholic but I do.

[phagodyke]

my brother is always SO vague abt his personal life w me I need to sit him down and grill him if I see him next month in person 😡

[heavenly-delusions]

Im an atheist but i find rosaries kinda cool. Someone i know(also a christian but doesnt use rosaries in their worship) made fun of it and laughed and went "oops sorry i forgot ur catholic" i said its ok, tho inside i didnt really care anyway cuz i dont believe in those kinda stuff. but like i wanna know whats funny abt it cuz the particular rosary they made fun of is really pretty it was a bracelet rosary made of real pearls.. i was thinking maybe it was tacky but it looked elegant idk maybe idk how to pick up wats tacky and wat isnt

[spacetronomyfan]

I'd say it's probably way less common in the US by demographics (although I know I'm not the only one in my circle, being from New England)

Normalize not raising kids in a religion 👍

Many conversations about atheism don't consider the existence of the second generation atheist, let alone more. Atheism is almost universally framed as some kind of personal rejection of one's upbringing, culture, family, and/or society, to one degree or another. There is not much widespread awareness of the fact that some atheists were raised that way.

But second generation and more atheists already exist, and as open atheists grow as a demographic, for more and more of them the answer to "Why are you an atheist?" is not going to be a long, involved story of self discovery or a bitter rejection, a principled decision or a sharp retort, but simply "Well, that's how my family was." Does your concept of atheism account for their existence?

How does the concept of children being raised by atheist parents make you feel? If it makes you feel uncomfortable, or like the children are missing out on something, you may need to unpack that. What responsibilities do you feel that atheist parents have to their children's religious education, and do you apply those same standards to religious parents? If you find yourself with a double standard, ask yourself if the higher one or the lower one is more reasonable to apply broadly.

The big question here is this: do you consider atheism to be an idea that can be held independently, or a solely reactive concept?

[lucian-evander]

OK so now apparently i'm trans because satan (in person) influenced me... my mom is honest enough to not be able to blame it on the lobby ™️ since well i knew it since i was a kid and was raised in a strictly catholic environment so yeah satan made me trans (probably by using the 5g waves, wait no it didn't exist back then whoops ).....

[trash-and-trash-accessories]

I love Spike so much. He's the most character of all time. But it's more than that. He's more than bleached hair, a pretty face, and bloodlust. He makes sense. The character makes sense.

He's William. He's still, despite it all, William Pratt, the god-awful poet and pathetic wet cat of a man under the thumb of mommy his whole life. He just wants to be loved and held and to satiate his unending bloodlust. He's not the big bad. He's pathetic.

He's burnt out on all the plots and schemes. Plots and schemes are Angel's thing. Serving some grand evil purpose is Darla's thing. Cruelty is Drusilla's thing. William Pratt is a poet and a mama's boy who just wants a strong woman to love him and tell him what to do. He's tired. He's so tired of the plots and schemes.

Sure, he knows how to have a good time, he plays kitten poker and sells demon eggs to the highest bidder but that's a matter of making money or hanging out with friends. It's not what he WANTS. The only thing he wants is to be loved by someone who loves him back. The problem is, he's toxic and obsessive. He doesn't fall in love. He becomes consumed. His whole world revolves around the object of his obsession. So when he's with Drusilla, he's the big bad evil guy doing schemes. Trying to impress her with extreme violence and death. Because that's what Drusilla is into. Torture and death. She's Catholic. And a vampire.

He also tries to impress Angel by killing Slayers because Angel is into Slayers and Angel and Spike canonically slept together don't at me. This man is bisexual.

When he's with Buffy he's a loyal dog. A bad boy, a part of the demonic world, but a dog nonetheless. He's a soulless monster but his obsession with Buffy turns him into one of the good guys. It's not natural for him. He feels it happening and he fights against it, but he's madly in love with her and he will be and do whatever it takes to impress her and make her love him back. He's obsessive.

He knows it, and he doesn't like that side of himself. He doesn't like that he's a pathetic dog. Sometimes he pushes against that side of himself. He tries to be a good person, for real. Not just a pathetic stalker of a man.

But he can't fight it. He is what he is.

And unfortunately that is a soulless vampire.

Hence that one scene that I pretend didn't happen.

But despite being definitionally evil, he can't stop being consumed the person he's obsessed with. Buffy wants him to have a soul. She wants him to not be the monster he is. So he rips William Pratt from his grave and resurrects him for her. He goes through hell to put his soul back inside his body for her. It takes her a long time to accept him again after what he did.

But he's the good boy now. He's a good dog.

Only she doesn't see him that way. In the end, he has her trust. Her love. She cares about him and sees him as her equal. As someone she can trust. She can't trust her friends because they're messy and constantly fucking up and betraying her because they don't understand what it is to be The Slayer. To have a human body and a human soul, with demonic power inside, and the divine mandate to sacrifice yourself for others, to save the world. No matter what that does to you.

Spike has a human soul, a demon inside him, trauma, and a divine mission to save the world. To sacrifice himself for everyone.

Spike is the only one who understands Buffy, and maybe the only one who ever will.

He's the perfect culmination of all her other relationships.

He fucks. Unlike Angel, Spike can fuck. He can experience joy alongside her.

He respects her strength and isn't emasculated or intimidated by the fact that she's stronger than him. He loves that she defeated a god. Unlike fucking Riley.

He's lived lifetimes worth of traumatic experiences. But he isn't currently experiencing an ongoing mental health crisis like Faith was.

And he likes poetry!

They even have the same ex boyfriend!

In conclusion He and Buffy are both the most character of all time and the narrative's favorites and therefore they are both perfect for each other and have the potential to be extremely toxic together and I'm so happy for them, I hope she pegs him, I know he would love that.