#specifically the line about wished id asked certain questions are me trying to remember if she was being a terf back then and if i knew

[skid-the-mighty-poet]

[purple-fireflies]

try to slip past his defense (without granting innocence)

A/N: Soy Luna Grey’s Anatomy au -- some plot devices will be the same, others may differ. (This is just an excerpt, I'll post the full chapter on ao3 & tumblr when I'm done with it!)

Other notes:

The title is from The Fray’s “How To Save A Life” which is basically the show’s anthem song (that and chasing cars)

Sometimes, certain dialogue may be verbatim from the show (this is only for medical-related plot devices, ie meeting patients, assigning lab reports, establishing exposition, etc) so I’m stating here right now that that specific dialogue belongs to Grey’s Anatomy, and the characters belong to Soy Luna, but everything else belongs to me

Juliana never had the last name given in the show, so for story’s sake, it’s Bahiense.

She’s referred to as “The Nazi” but that’s not meant to offend anyone at all, it was the nickname given in the show, so I’m transferring it here.

In Soy Luna, Ámbar is one year older than Luna, but here she’s the same age as her

In Grey’s Anatomy, there are only 5 people in each group of interns, but for plot’s sake, there are 7 each

In the show, Benicio’s name was never mentioned, so for writing purposes, his last name is going to be Calisto

Luna sits up quickly—bad idea.

She winces at the light coming in through the window and groans at her headache.

And someone stirs next to her.

Exactly how much did she drink?

Enough so she doesn’t remember the name of the smirky boy staring at her, pulling on his boxers.

She is never drinking again.

And he needs to leave.

“You are?” He asks, grinning the grin that probably got Luna into this mess.

“Humiliated on so many levels,” She mutters, “And I’m late, as well. So if you could just, I dunno, leave, that would be perfect,”

“Or we could pick up where we left off?” He asks, with a grin that tells Luna he isn’t used to being rejected.

“No, seriously. I’m late. Which I shouldn’t be on my first day of work, so?”

Take the hint.

“Wait, so you live here?”

Jesus Christ, she’s going to be late.

“Huh? Oh yeah, it was my aunt’s house, but I’m selling it so technically, not for long.” She rushes out.

“I’m sorry,” He replies, actual emotion in his eyes.

“My aunt is still ali—you know, we don’t have to do the thing,”

“We can do whatever you want,”

Really?

“No, the thing. Where you pretend you care or ask me nice questions or whatever. Listen. I’m going to go upstairs and shower, and when I get back, you’re not going to be here, uh…”

What was his name?

He laughs softly, “Matteo.”

“Luna,” She replies, shaking his hand.

“Bye, Luna,” He says winking at her.

She smiles in response and jerks her head towards the door.

“Bye, Matteo,”

And that’s the last she has to see of him.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

“Each of you comes here hopeful. Wanting in on the game. A month ago you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today, you are the doctors. The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? That's up to you,” The chief, Tamara Rios, says as Luna stumbles into the room, causing everyone to stare at her.

Great job, Valente.

Luna walks around the room. She sees Ámbar, avoiding her gaze as if it was poisonous. She sees another girl, a brunette, looking around the room with wide eyes. She sees Simón, looking back at her, and resists waving at him as a kindergartner would. She walks around the OR a little more and sees two girls so close they might as well be stuck together, one a blonde and the other a redhead. She bumps into another boy, who just huffs softly and brushes her off.

Rude.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

The resident takes 3 more interns, leaving Luna with the brunette she saw at the orientation.

“Only 6 women out of 20,” She says, sighing, as if mad at the statistic itself.

“And I think one of them’s a model. As if that would’ve helped with the whole respect thing,” The redhead interjects.

Luna and Ámbar share a look.

Luna turns to the brunette.

“You’re Nina, right?” She says, smiling.

Nina nods, “Which resident did you get assigned to? I got Bahiense.”

“The Nazi? Me too,” Luna replies.

The guy who bumped into her says, “You got the Nazi? So did I. At least we’ll be tortured together,” He says, trying to lean into Luna’s space.

Luna and Nina exchange a quick look saying, God, can you believe him?

A doctor comes up and calls out “Smith, Valente, Ponce, Simonetti, Medina, Sánchez, Álvarez,”

Ámbar walks up to the guy and asks, “Bahiense?”

He points down the hall.

The seven look down to see who he’s pointing at. It’s a woman slightly shorter than them, using a cane to stand up, ordering some other resident around.

The guy who bumped into her says, “I thought the Nazi would be a guy,”

Sexist much?

“I thought the Nazi would be...you know, the Nazi,” Luna mutters.

“Guys seriously? Maybe it’s just professional jealousy. You know, maybe she’s just brilliant and they’re so jealous so they call her the Nazi. Maybe she’s nice.” The redhead says, and Luna sees her nametag saying Jimena Medina.

The blonde next to her, Yamila Sánchez, Luna supposes, nods.

Which means the only one left that she doesn’t know would be...Luna cranes her neck to see his nametag.

Ramiro Ponce. Who is currently staring wistfully at Yamila.

Please.

“Let me guess, you still have hope left in your heart,” Ámbar says to Jimena, rolling her eyes as if it’s what she was born to do.

Jimena shoots Ámbar a dirty look (wow, Luna wishes her luck with that can of worms) and proceeds to try to shake Dr. Bahiense’s hand when she walks over.

Dr. Bahiense looks at her hand as if it’s infectious.

Jimena, undeterred, continues to say, “Right, well. I’m Jimena Medina, but you can call me Jim if it’s easier,”

Yamila, who seemed to jump out of thin air, says, “And you can call me Yam,”

Bahiense looks so unimpressed Luna thinks that if contempt alone was enough to murder someone, Bahiense would be a serial killer.

Luna shares a quick look with Simón, who gives her a reassuring nod.

Bahiense looks them all up and down, evidently annoyed with being stuck with their group (ouch).

"I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up, I already hate you, that's not gonna change,” She starts, then moves to a bench, filled with different objects, “Trauma protocol, phone lists, pagers. Nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A run, that's rule number two. Your first shift starts now and lasts forty-eight hours,”

Everyone rushes to grab their pagers, studying them before Bahiense starts talking again.

“You’re interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain, you run labs, write orders, work every second night till you drop, and don't complain!”

Bahiense opens what Luna supposes is an on-call room, “On-call rooms. Attendings hog them, sleep when you can, where you can, which brings me to rule number three, if I'm sleeping, don't wake me, unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four, the dying patient better not be dead when I get there, not only would you have killed someone, you would have also woken me for no good reason, we clear?”

Luna rushes to nod, writing furiously on her notepad, and then goes, oh.

She raises her hand.

Dr. Bahiense looks extremely pissed at Luna for having the audacity to have a question.

“Yes?”

“You said five rules. Those were only four.” Luna says, trying not to wilt against Dr. Bahiense’s gaze.

“Rule number five. When I move, you move,” She says after her pager beeps.

That’s some TV show shit right there.

They break into a run and watch as Dr. Bahiense runs down a couple of doctors.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

The helicopter—yes, a helicopter—lands, and a doctor pulls out a teenager on a stretcher.

This is way too much for Luna on her first day.

“What do we got?” Bahiense asks, and Luna hears Nina correct the grammar under her breath.

As the paramedic puts the girl on the stretcher (while she’s seizing) he says, “Katie Bryce, fifteen-year-old female, new-onset seizures, intermittent for the past week, ID lost en route, started grand mal seizing as we descended,”

Bahiense stops, leaning on her cane for a second, and then it’s all business.

“All right. Yam, put her on the side, 10 milligrams diazepam,” Bahiense groans when Yam does it incorrectly, “No, no, the white lead is on the right, righty whitey, smoke over fire, a large-bore I.V. don't let the blood haemolyse, let's go!”

Yam injects the diazepam and Katie stops seizing.

Luna releases the breath that she wasn’t aware she was holding.

Another doctor, in dark blue scrubs, another doctor comes up in stark contrast to what she and the other interns are wearing. Luna catches his name very quickly. Gastón Perida.

Nina sucks in a breath as he walks past them, Luna realizes with a start.

“So I heard we got a wet fish on dry land?” Dr. Perida says, and Luna catches how Nina stares at him with intent.

Dr. Bahiense, her sudden brashness gone, replaced with respect as she says, “Absolutely Dr. Perida,”

Dr. Perida nods, his eyes brushing over the intern group, stopping at Nina, and he then continues.

“All right, Dr. Bahiense, I’m gonna shotgun her,”

“That means every test in the book, CT, CBC, chem. seven, a tox screen, Nina and Ámbar, you're on labs, Ramiro and Yam, patient workups, Luna, get Katie for a CT, she's your responsibility now,”

Wonderful. Her first day and she gets the really hard patient.

“What about me and Simón?” Jim asks.

Bahiense looks so tired when she stares at Jim, “Right, you two, uh. You get to do rectal exams. Okay?”

Jim and Simón have faces that say no, not okay.

Luna makes a face gloating at Simón and he just glares at her in return.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

Ámbar peeks into the OR where Dr. Bahiense is. Bahiense comes out and looks at her expectantly.

“Um, Katie Bryce's labs came out clear, there's nothing in the results that explain her seizures,” She says, hoping to catch Dr. Bahiense to ask her what she really wants to ask her.

“And…?”

“ I heard every year the attending on-call picks the best intern and, and lets them perform a procedure, during the first shift?” Ámbar asks, glaring back at Dr. Bahiense when she tries to stare her down.

Ámbar Smith does not get stared down.

“Go away. Now.” Dr. Bahiense says, and Ámbar groans internally.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

Yam sighs at yet another ill-tried joke Ramiro attempts.

Flirty in med school and flirty now.

Why should she even bother?

“We have one more patient to work up,” She mumbles and he nods, walking slower to keep up with her pace.

She places her stethoscope and hears for a heartbeat. “Everything seems to be in order,”

“So he’ll be fine?” The woman next to him—presumably his wife—asks.

“If you don’t count that my bacon days are over, sure,” The patient replies.

Yam shares a smirk with Ramiro.

“You'll have surgery tomorrow with Dr. Perida, I hear he's good, and after that, you can have all of the bacon-flavored soy product you can eat,” Ramiro interjects, speaking easily with the patients.

“Please, kill me now,” the patient jokes.

“Wish I could, but I took the Hippocratic Oath for a reason,” Yam replies absently, going over and signing his charts.

She blushes at the weird looks she gets and rolls her eyes at Ramiro’s never-ending smirk.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

Katie. Won’t. Stop. Talking. Which isn’t helping Luna find her way through these halls.

Did she just miss the last turn?

“You’re lost,” the kid says, grumbling.

What do you think I’m trying to fix right now? Luna thinks to herself and just about stops herself from saying.

“I’m not lost.” Luna insists, then remembers she’s a doctor, “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m missing my pageant. How do you think I feel?”

“Right. You’re missing your pageant.”

This poor girl is in the hospital with seizures and the only thing that she can think about is her pageant.

Luna feels sorry for her.

“The Spokane Teen Miss? I was in the top ten after the first two rounds. This is my year. I could've won,”

Luna absently hums and realizes that they’re going the wrong way. Again.

She turns around and pushes Katie back the same way.

“You are so lost. What are you, new?”

Luna chokes back a laugh. Yeah, something like that.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

Yam watches Ramiro try to give their patient a central line. It’s not working.

And it’s visibly hurting the patient.

She groans and pushes past him, about to put the line in when Dr. Perida waltzes into their room and raises his eyebrows.

“Out.” He says, his nice demeanor replaced with annoyance.

Do all of the residents and attendings just hate interns on principle?

Yam glares at Ramiro and pulls him out, watching from the window as Perida puts the line in perfectly.

“Bet you used to mess up a lot when you started out,” Ramiro tries to joke with Perida.

Yam just winces and nods at Dr. Perida as she leaves.

Ramiro at least has the decency to look sheepish.

This is going to be a long shift.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

Luna sits, taking Katie’s patient history and generally listening to her incessant babbling.

“I twisted my ankle. I do rhythmic gymnastics, which is like, really cool. Nobody else does it. And I tripped over my ribbon, and I didn't get stuck with someone this clueless. And that was like, a nurse,” Katie says.

Luna bites back a retort.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

Simón groans at the plate of food in front of him. The number of rectal exams he and Jim had to do was enough to take the appetite away from anyone.

“This shift is 80 hours long, you have to eat, Simón,” Ámbar mutters, her gaze hardening after leaving Simón’s eyes.

“I can’t.”

“Eat.” Ámbar insists, pushing Simón’s plate towards him.

“You try eating after performing 17 rectal exams. The Nazi hates me. I want to puke.” Simón says, his face contorting.

“Just don’t puke near me,” Ámbar mutters.

“The Nazi’s just a resident. Attendings hate me,” Ramiro replies.

“Did you know Luna is inbred?” Nina asks, and all heads whip to her immediately.

Partly because no one expected the shy ingenue to say anything.

And partly because Luna being inbred is very surprising.

Simón hurries to say “It’s not uncommon to be the kid of a doctor,”

“I mean royally inbred. Her mother is Lili Benson.”

“Shut up. The Lili Benson?” Jim asks.

Nina nods.

“Who’s Lili Benson?” Ramiro asks.

“The Benson method? Where’d you go to med school, Antarctica?” Yam says incredulously.

No one notices how Simón and Ámbar tense up as Yam continues talking. “She was one of the biggest women surgeons. She practically invented th—”

“She won the Harper Avery. Twice.” Jim says, rolling her eyes at Ramiro.

“So I didn’t know one thing.”

“I would kill to have Lili Benson as my mother. Scratch that, I’d kill to be Lili Benson.” Nina says, her eyes alight.

“Katie Bryce is a pain in the ass. I swear if it wouldn’t get me fired, I’d strangle her with my bare hands.” Luna says, walking over to their table, sitting next to Nina.

She seems to miss the wistful glance Simón throws her way.

She does seem to notice the way everyone’s staring at her.

“What?”

Nina opens her mouth to say something but stops immediately when Dr. Perida walks over.

“Good afternoon interns. It's posted, but I thought I'd share the good news personally. As you know, the honor of performing the first surgery is reserved for the intern that shows the most promise. As I'm running the OR today, I get to make that choice,” Dr. Perida says, and Luna feels a rush of hope.

Or. Felt. Seeing as Dr. Perida is clapping Ramiro on his back (it was kind of worth it to see him choke a little on his salad) and saying, “Ramiro Ponce. You’ll be scrubbing in on an appendectomy this afternoon. Congrats.”

Luna deflates.

She wanted that surgery.

She wanted it really badly.

“Me?” Ramiro asks, not quite believing it. Or maybe he’s just wilting under Yam’s intense glare.

“Enjoy.” Dr. Perida says, nodding to everyone.

Luna doesn’t fail to notice that he’s staring at Nina while he says that.

Nina doesn’t fail to notice either, if the blush on her cheeks has anything to say about it.

Ramiro looks like he’s still in shock.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

“I’ve seen his file. Ramiro Ponce barely even made the cut to get into the program. He’s not your guy.” Juliana says to Gastón, raising her eyebrows.

“Oh, he’s my guy alright,” Gastón responds, absently checking the labs.

Juliana sighs, “Every year you pick your guy, and every year your guy suffers most.”

Gastón smiles. Everyone who knows him knows his easy nature, his inclination to being on the side of less serious.

Unless of course, it has to do with work.

“Terrorize one, and the rest fall in line, Bahiense.”

“I get it. I respect it. But Ramiro? Ponce is a puppy. A cute little puppy that is waiting to be killed. He can’t take the pressure. Think about it, Perida.” Juliana says, walking away.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

Luna watches as Katie’s parents stumble into Katie’s room.

The look of pure worry and fear on their faces makes Luna warm to them immediately.

A couple of hours ago, their kid was supposed to go on stage and wear a sash and be a kid.

Now they’re scared that their kid could be dying.

“Katie?” The mom asks, trying to hold her hand.

Luna falters, not wanting to break their little window.

“They gave her a sedative for the CT scan, so she’s just a tad groggy,” Luna says, standing up.

“Will she be okay?”

“Does she need surgery?” The parents ask at the same time.

Their urging faces make Luna wish she had an answer.

“Uh. You know, I’m not her doctor, I am a doctor, just not hers. Anyway, I’m not Katie’s doctor. I’ll go find him.” Luna rambles.

Luna finds Bahiense, “Katie’s parents have questions. Should I get Dr. Perida to answer them?”

“What? No. Perida’s off the case. The case is the new neuro attending’s case, Dr. Balsano. He’s over there.” Bahiense says, pointing to…

Oh god.

Please.

Not today.

This is not happening.

Matteo turns and stops dead in his tracks, his eyes clicking in recognition.

This is not happening.

Luna is not dealing with this.

She turns away from his gaze and walks away. What is she going to do?

She walks towards the stairwell and gets grabbed in.

She stumbles and Matteo catches her, running a hand through his hair, which Luna grudgingly admits looks not bad.

No. Luna. Stop it. Luna. No.

“Dr. Balsano. Did you need anything?” Luna asks, trying to not look at flustered as she is.

Matteo looks positively ecstatic at this turn of events. “Dr. Balsano? This morning it was Matteo. Now it’s Dr. Balsano.”

Luna dearly wants to slap that smirk off of his face.

“Dr. Balsano, we should pretend this never happened,”

“What never happened? You sleeping with me last night or kicking me out this morning because I don’t know about you, but both are memories I’d dearly love to keep.”

This guy really can’t take a hint.

“No. No. No. This is not happening. There are no memories of anything. I’m not the girl in the bar and you’re not the guy in the bar. I am your intern, Dr. Balsano.”

“I see how it is. You took advantage of me last night and now you want to forget about it.” He says, smirking incessantly.

“I most certainly did not,”

“I was drunk and vulnerable. Not to mention, insanely good-looking,”

“You’re not that good-looking,” Luna says, while her traitorous brain says Liar over and over.

“Sure I’m not. But last night, I was wearing my red shirt and I was extremely good-looking and you took advantage,”

He’s not entirely wrong about the red shirt.

“I didn—”

“Want to take advantage again? Say, Friday night?”

He’s smiling again, only this time it’s a smile, not a smirk.

Maybe Luna wouldn’t have said no if he wasn’t an attending.

“No. You’re an attending. I’m your intern. And I would seriously appreciate it if you stopped looking at me like that,” Luna says, glaring at him. It doesn’t seem to deter him.

“Like what?” He asks innocently as if he has no idea what he’s doing right now.

“Like you’ve slept with me,”

Matteo smirks.

“Dr. Balsano. Have you ever considered the fact that this is inappropriate?” Luna breathes.

He doesn’t say anything.

Luna sighs and leaves, the door slamming behind her.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

“Open. Identify. Irrigate. Close.” Jim instructs, and Yam sighs.

“Jim, I think he’d know,”

“He looks like he’s going to puke,” Jim shoots back.

Yam looks at Ramiro and says, “We have to go to the gallery now. Don’t screw it up.”

They walk up and take a seat behind Luna and Nina.

The intern above them says, “He’s going to faint. He’s a fainter.”

Yam fights back a if you only knew.

“Nah, I’m guessing code brown. Right in his pants,” another intern snickers.

Yam and Jim share a look.

Sure, she’s not a huge fan of Ramiro but he helped her a lot in med school. He helped Jim a lot in med school.

This is just savage.

“He’s going to sweat himself unsterile,”

“10 bucks he’s messing up the McBird,” someone says.

Oh god, they’re betting on Ramiro.

“20 says he cries,” Ámbar says, and sends an apologetic look at Luna.

“I’ll put 20 on him melting down completely,”

“50 says he pulls the whole thing off.” Yam hears herself say.

Luna grins at her, “That’s one of us down there. The first one of us. Where the hell is your loyalty?”

Yam breathes out.

The entire gallery, while it was buzzing before, is now silent.

“75 he can’t even ID the appendix,” Ámbar says again.

This time it’s Simón shooting her the look.

“I’ll take that action,” someone says.

Eric, Yam realizes.

The idiot from their bio class.

Nina elbows Luna when Dr. Perida says, “Okay, Ponce, let’s see what you can do,”

Jim breathes in quickly and Yam also holds her breath.

Do it right do it right please do it right.

“Here it comes,” Simón says.

“Scalpel,” Ramiro says and the nurse hands it to him, echoing the word.

Ramiro takes it and everyone cheers.

Perida motions for them to shut up as Nina says, “God, he’s quite a bit of trouble,”

Ramiro gets ready to cut as Perida instructs, “More pressure.”

Ramiro manages to do it without any mishaps and then proceeds to say, “Pickups.”

The scrub nurse echoes the command and hands him the instrument.

They go on for a little bit, and Yam thinks he might actually pull it off.

Until it goes downhill after Ramiro takes out the appendix.

Perida mutters an angry remark as all the interns in the gallery call him Double O’7.

Jim shares a worried look with Yam and asks Luna, “What does 007 mean?”

Luna sends them an apologetic look.

“License to Kill.”

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

The cool air rushes into the basement that Bahiense’s interns have settled into.

The majority of them pile onto the gurney as Nina goes to the vending machine looking for some chocolate.

Luna winces at the whine that Ramiro makes as he walks into their “hideout”.

“They’re calling me 007 aren’t they?”

Luna groans and shoves Simón’s head off of Ámbar’s lap so she can fall asleep in it.

She’s too tired to deal with any human interaction that requires her to, you know, have any sort of emotional security.

“No one’s calling you 007,” Jim and Yam lie (but they do it in unison so like, props).

Ramiro shoots Yam an annoyed look, “I was on an elevator and Eric whispered 007,”

Ámbar pushes Luna’s head off of her lap and glares at Ramiro, “How many times do we have to go through with this? 5, 10, 15? Please tell me soon or I’m going to rim your head off.”

Ramiro sits on the gurney and groans “Eric whispered 007 in the elevator and everyone laughed,”

Luna picks her head up from where she’s trying (unsuccessfully) to fall asleep and actually feels sorry for the guy for a second but the aching limbs and pounding migraine make it kind of hard to console the poor guy.

“They weren’t laughing at you,” Jim says.

“You sure?”

“Would we lie to you?” Jim asks.

“Yes,” Ramiro, Ámbar, Simon and Luna say.

“007 is a state of mind,” Nina yells from the vending machine and throws a packet of chips at Luna as she walks back.

“Says the girl who finished first at freaking Stanford,” Simón yells at her.

Nina just rolls her eyes in response.

Just as Luna finally feels the call of sleep, her pager beeps.

She just wanted 5 minutes.

“It’s 911. Damn. I gotta go,” and Luna takes off at a sprint.

“I should’ve gone into geriatrics. No one cares if you kill an old person.” Ramiro continues after Luna leaves.

“Yes. Yes, they do care if you kill an old person. Plus. Surgery is hot. Geriatrics is… Well, it’s for freaks who live in the basement with their mom,” Simón replies.

“I have got to move out of my mom’s,” Ramiro mutters.

Nina and Ámbar share a grin.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

Luna’s out of breath by the time she gets to Katie’s room.

She really has to go to the gym more.

“Finally,” Katie mutters.

Luna looks around, seeing if anything’s wrong.

Oh god, please tell me she has a good reason for this. She has a good reason. Maybe. Hopefully.

“Are you alright?” The nurse paged me 911.”

“Ha, it took me forever to get her to even pick up the phone. I had to go full Hulk.”

“Wait. So there’s nothing wrong? Nothing medically wrong?”

“I’m bored.” Katie shrugs.

Luna likes to think she’s a nice person. A little absentminded at times, but a nice person nonetheless.

Katie, however, is really testing the whole “do no harm” thing.

“I am not your babysitter. I am not your cruise director. You can’t just page me for anything.”

“Don’t be so overdramatic. My pageant is supposed to be on cable, but it’s like this hospital lives in the ’90s. I can’t find anything. If someone who’s not me gets the crown, I should at least get to see it.”

Luna takes a deep breath. She’s a teenager. You were also stupid as a teenager.

“Okay. This is a hospital. There are sick people here. Go to sleep and stop wasting my time.”

“I can’t sleep, my head’s all full.”

“Those are called thoughts. Run with them.” Luna says in a fit of anger.

She’s been working for almost 24 hours and she just wanted 2 minutes of rest.

But maybe she shouldn’t have snapped at a patient.

But that’s a lesson for another day.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

Luna and Nina are in the ER when they hear a loud voice.

“4B has post-op pneumonia. Let’s get her started on antibiotics, okay?” An intern says to a nurse.

Someone didn’t tell the newbie not to piss off the nurses.

“Are you sure it’s the right diagnosis?”

“Oh gee, I don’t know. I’m only an intern. But here’s an idea. You go and spend 4 years in med school and then talk to me. She’s got shortness of breath and fever. It’s post-op pneumonia. Start antibiotics.” He sneers.

Luna rolls her eyes.

The same guy walks over to her and Nina, “God, I hate nurses. I’m Benicio. I’m with Jeremy. You guys are with the Nazi, right?”

“You know it doesn’t have to be pneumonia, right? It could be splinting. Or she could have aPE.”

He sneers again (does it ever leave his face?), “As I said, I hate nurses.” and walks away.

“Well, he’s an absolute idiot,” Nina says, shooting daggers towards Benicios across the room.

Luna’s about to respond, but her pager beeps again.

“Dammit, Katie.”

This time she walks.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

[lawgrain]

Appropriate and Inappropriate Comments on AO3

So I mentioned the idea of doing one of these and I think it’s low key needed. But before I start I do want to say, most of you guys are great and the inappropriate section will seem like comments sense to you. But sadly it’s not to everyone and I’ve gotten comments like them. I’ma start on the positive side though. With that, I’ma jump in!

Good Comments

1) Just leaving hearts is actually pretty chill. I know some of you guys get nervous to comment and hearts might not seem like much, but it’s a very clear message: you liked the story. Not every comment has to be in-depth and if you are afraid to go into a deep comment, at leas for me, I don’t mind just getting hearts. Most the time I just respond with hearts back <3

2) Picking out specific quotes or moments you like is kind of cool. I’ve had people pick out a quote from a chapter and I get so excited when it happens to be a section I specifically worked on. I’m like “Yeah! That’s right! I added that for flow and it was friggen appreciated. Take that world!” It can just be something that meant something to you or that you found particularly funny/interesting. These are words writers have worked on and they’ll be happy to see, oh these are the ones that were liked. Sometimes people even point out things I hadn’t thought y’all would like and that’s super cool too!

3) So low and behold, writers sometimes really like talking about their works. In particular, I get caught up in meanings behind things and morals. Obviously not every writer gets caught up in those things but they still like talking about their work. So asking an opinion on stuff is sometimes pretty fun. Asking about what an author thinks of a certain character or what a character would do in a certain situation is like a fun little challenge game. But with this one, it’s important to keep it within the realm of opinions. 

For example, I got an ask on here once asking what I think would happen in a certain situation. That was a great way to phrase things. It let me know that they are just asking for my imagination on things. They didn’t suggest that something else should be happening or what they wish was happening. It was just “what do you think?”  Here’s a link to that. It was a fun ask to think about and actually made me want to right more. Where things can go wrong is sometimes people ask more into a character while sort of suggesting that I’m doing something wrong with the character or suggesting I should be having more about certain characters that I don’t want to do. So a “what do you think” is a beautiful way to avoid that and keep things to opinions.

4) It’s pretty nice to know people got meaning from a story. I am definitely okay if people just read my work on a surface level. It’s meant to entertain and if that’s all it does, that’s okay. But it’s also really meaningful when I hear that people are taking things away from a story. I love the comments saying “I’m gonna be thinking about this” or “this made me question things.” Because that’s my goal. I want people walking away with a new perspective or something gained. And then I’ve gotten people who thought they were the only ones to feel some of the things I’ve written and it’s kind of amazing to show that they’re not. 

And yes, this doesn’t apply to every fic because not every fic is written to have as much meaning. But every fic is written to do something. A comedy is written to make you laugh and the writer wants to know they’ve done that. A fluff piece is written to make you happy and show cute moments and a writer likes hearing you fangirl over those cute moments. And angst is written to make you feel. It might be heartache but if your stomach drops the moment you read something in an angst, that’s far from a bad comment to get.

5) You don’t have to do this, but sometimes it’s nice to appreciate the writers as themselves. It’s nice when people shift the focus from the fic to how you wrote the fic. There’s a sort of meaningful difference between the two. In one phrasing anyone could have done it. In the other it recognizes the writer and how writing is an enjoyable part of them instead of all they are. I think a lot of times for myself I start to think people just like or follow me for a fic I wrote. That has a lot of me in it, but that’s not who I am. I tend to answer questions in a very fic orientated way. You don’t like my writing you like the fic. You don’t like how I worked on a fic, you just like how the fic exists. Again this isn’t something you have to do and it doesn’t detract from the amazing comments left. But it adds something a little more meaningful for the author.

On to the next thing!

Inappropriate Comments

I’m going to precursor this with I know for sure some of you guys don’t know you do a few of these. Some of these are purely things trolls would do but others happen with people who actually don’t mean to bring a writer down. And I know it’s not your intentions to make a writer feel bad but it can easily happen by accident.

1) I mentioned this in a different post which I’ll link here, but be careful with comparisons. Keep things in a positive manner and focus on writer you are actually commenting on. It is not okay to draw comparisons to describe everything the author is doing wrong and the other is doing right. I got a comment doing that once and, surprise surprise, that's very shitty. If you’re going to compare a fic, do it in a way that doesn’t degrade anyone. Say it’s different or the same, and only do that if you’re going to follow it up with you found it enjoyable. I know for a fact that if someone used my fic to hurt another person, I’d be furious. I don’t care if you like my fic better, that’s no reason to make other people feel bad. Authors writings aren't all supposed to be the same fic. It’s gonna be different and that’s okay.

 2) It's okay to be very impassionate against characters actions in a fic. Some are written to be disliked. But there are lines. It's not okay to say that a child deserves to be beaten by a parent. A lot of things aren't okay. Directing anger at characters is different then implying real world things should happen to them. People are abused in real life. People who have been abused are gonna read you talk about how you think it’s okay. It’s not. It’s never been okay and it’s a really shitty thing to have to find that in a comment section. 

3) It's okay to be upset with things that happens in a story. It's not okay to attack the story itself. You can like a story and still accidentally do this. Saying things are "unrealistic" and "would never happen" are kind of offensive. It starts attacking the author and devalues what they are trying to write. And the other thing about that is not everyones experience is gonna match up. I know I write in a heavy topic. So when I’m told that somethings would never happen and then I have to quietly take it, understand that some of these things have happened. I’m listening to some of you write off things that have even happened to me. And you’re also writing off what might be happening to others. I know teachers might seem unrealistic to people who have had good teachers. I know it seems incomprehensible for everyone to turn their backs on a character to people who have had good friends, who have had people listen to them. And let me just state it plainly, I am jealous of those people. I’m jealous of people who have never been happy one day just to feel completely betrayed and alone the next. I envy you. And I know that’s not the intention with some of you guys when you comment but in the end, not cool. 

 4) Comment on the actual fic. When you go off about how you wish things would happen or say "it's too bad this didn't happen", you are telling the author that you wish you were reading something else. I’ve gotten very well meaning comments talking about how they just wish something else would happen or “what if instead”. And I don’t know what you want me to say. Yeah that’s great but it’s also not what I’m writing. Be my guest if you want to write that I guess. In the end those people never give me something that I can respond to because they made it about what they want and not about anything I did. If you genuinely want to change everything about my fic but keep the bases, just comment “Do you mind if I do a fic inspired by this one” and I will happily say yes, just make sure to note it was inspired by the fic. Hell I’m chill even when people don’t ask for the go ahead and just remember to cite me as the inspiration. But getting a comment wishing you did something else? Not enjoyable.

5) Don’t comment just to confuse the writer. This one is kind of odd and something that hasn’t happened to me as much. But leaving confusing comments that have nothing to do with the story? Like I don’t know what is expected when that happens. I’m less inconvenienced by this because I like to just roll with things but I know others don’t like this. It starts to feel like you’re being trolled. Again I don’t mind this as much. Like once I got a consistent commenter that I never quite understood what their comments meant and I actually started to enjoy the oddity. They’d do a key smash then Id be like “okay well, when in Rome” and key smash back. But some aren’t me and are going to assume it’s being done to them to annoy them. Which is a safe bet because a lot of writers have probably been trolled or low key harassed by people in the comment sections.

6) If you say you like a fic and then say “too bad you did this in the fic”, you don’t like the fic.

7) This one is based on a comment that I know what done with good intentions but careful on how you ask questions. Writers do like talking about their fics but we like talking about it to people who are curious and like the fic. If you have a question, ask it but let us know that you aren’t challenging the fic itself. So for example, I mentioned when a fics realism is brought into question. It’s not chill to say “It’s unrealistic” because that's an insult. It’s not okay to put “how is this realistic” because that’s gonna put the writer back in defensive after their other bad experiences in comment sections. What you could do is say “how did you come up with the teachers acting like they are in the fic”. Or once I got on the defense because a question was phrased in a way that sounded like a set up to hate on my fic. It wasn’t made to do that and the person picked up on my very obvious defensive mode. What can help if you’re unsure how a question is going to come across add something like “The answer doesn’t change how much I like the fic, I was just curious”. That’d set me at ease at leat.

8) Don’t demand answers. And I’m not talking about the silly “wE neEd tO kNoW LaW!!” thing. I usually know when you’re teasing. I’m talking about people who just want an answer from you and leave. This isn’t bad perse and doesn’t actually hurt a writers feelings. It just tells the writer nothing about how they are doing. Did you like the fic? Was there something confusing about this section that caused this question? Again this one is a very small thing. Writers probably don’t mind answering the question either. It’s just kind of one where it’s less engaging because you feel like the person just wants you for the one piece of information.

9) If you have to disclaim it sounds rude or aggressive, think about who that disclaimer is for. Is it for you to feel like it’s okay to say rude things and then claim “but that’s not how I meant it” or is actually because you’re worried you phrased something wrong. And for gods sake if I get a goddamn comment saying “I don’t mean to start a fight” I’m starting a fight next time. Most of the comments I get that have some sort of disclaimer feel like they are just trying to excuse themselves and have a place they can say “look, right there, I said it’s not rude so it isn’t” as if that changes things. It’s like if someone went “I don’t mean to be a jerk, but here’s an entire list of why I don’t like your story and lol that sounded a bit agressive. Woops! Good thing I didn’t mean it like that!” Bullshit. Take a minute to actually access who the comment is for, you or the writer. I’m actually the most heated about this point. Like I’ve gotten a very specific comment in mind and I really regret not going off. I’m still bitter.

10) This isn’t one I’ve gotten as much but have had someone mention to me. Some authors get a bit pressured when all you ask is for more. Like we’re happy you want more. Very happy. But the way this author explained it to me was “It feels like they just ignore the 40k of free work I’ve just written and feel entitled for more.” I’m paraphrasing it a bit here. But the thing is, it’s very flattering that you want more of a writers work but why can’t what they’ve already done be appreciated. Don’t just demand, appreciate too. A lot of writers are working on more things at once and it needs to be recognized that they are worth more than the one chapter more you need for just one of their fics. 

Ending Note

Alrighty! That’s all I can think of for now. All writers are different but I hope this is a good foundation for things. Looking back on some comments I’ve left, I know that they probably weren’t as positive as I thought because they weren’t made from a writers point of view. Now though, I think I’d do a better job after having gotten some of the comments I have. But I don’t want anyone to feel called out or bad. I usually know when you guys are well intentioned and just missing the mark. If anyone wants to add or reblog this, be my guest!

[mistymark]

the one with the annotations.

dong sicheng x reader // 3.7k words // masterlist // send requests here

summary; in which sicheng keeps writing in the books at the library and it should be obvious but that’s,,, not,,, allowed???

warnings: none its just fluff, theres some humour if u like,, squint

requested; yes :D - “Enemies to lovers 👀 with sicheng? Love your writing btw 💕” from anon

notes; based on this prompt: ”You’ve got to stop returning books full of corrections and spiteful comments in red pen bc I can’t stop reading them and my boss gives me disapproving glares when I laugh at the funny ones

ohhhhh boi

so while you were at uni you had a part time job at the library

because surprise surprise as a lit major you like books

shocker there

you always tried to work the late shifts, closing up and doing the returns

just because it was easy and relaxing organising and restacking the books

but soon you wished you took the earlier shifts

because of dong sicheng

not to be dramatic but

your long rival

he started coming to the library to borrow books

because that’s kind of the point of a library

but he ended up liking the environment for studying

and would stay there for hours just to study

and you’d admire his hardworking nature

if he left on time, that is

you would do the rounds ten minutes before closing

just to tell everyone like

‘hey, we’ll be closing in around ten minutes if you want to begin packing up’

but this bitch

would nEVER PACK UP ON TIME

you’d end up standing at his table with your bag and the keys in your hand

tapping on the wood to try and get his attention

and him slowly packing up afterwards

even tho he kNOWS you want to go home

‘you’re just as slow as you were in kindergarten hey?’

and he’d be so furious

‘you know you cheated’

‘I don’t remember any such thing’

and maybe you did maybe you didn’t

you were like four years old

as if you’d remember a race you won when you were that age

he just rolls his eyes and leaves as you lock the doors

you leave in the other direction

happily leaving him behind

but he stops by every Monday Tuesday and Thursday night to study

which are the days you work as well

he acts like it’s just part of his schedule 

but he worked out if he came in on Wednesday’s he didn’t have the opportunity to annoy you

and honestly?

annoying you at the end of your shift and after a long session of studying was the highlight of his night

but he keeps borrowing books

and you’re like

whatever

until he borrows this new book you’ve been wanting to read for ages

and you were low-key so bitter

this lil bitch has no way of knowing you wanted that book but somehow he does and that’s the only reason he’s borrowed it

even though,, he literally had no idea lmao

tbh u probably would have wanted to talk to him about the books he reads bc u have very similar taste

okay the same taste

but he’s such an asshole ur like nah fam

anyways he returns it after a week

boy reads fast ok

and when he goes to drop it in the returns box

you just take it from his hand and scan it under your name straight away

and put it under the desk so no one else can borrow it

and when there’s a lull in the work at the library

you reach under the table for the book and rifle through it

and you notice a few pencil marks

and upon further inspection you realise they’re comments referencing certain parts of the book

and you do nOT stand for vandalism

but some of them are fuckin hilarious not gonna lie

on the page you just happened to open

you can see there’s a comment beside a passage of text depicting a fight scene

‘this would kill someone wtf’

and u laugh and wonder who had done this

like the book had only been out for a little while

and u finish it in just less than a week

bc u read a lot during your shifts

probably a lot more than you should tbh

and seriously the comments made the book better

you hadn’t laughed so hard at random commentary so much

like the words were exactly what you were thinking

you couldnt help it

while ur putting some of the books back in the middle of your shift

!!!! you see another book that u might like !!! 

not to judge a book by its cover butttttttt

it looks like ur type oop-

and after flipping through it

to get an idea of font size and chapter length cause ur a whole nerd like that

u see it ALSO has pencil markings

in the borders and underlining sentences

and without even thinking u borrow it

just to read the funny comments again

and ur boss comes up to you during your shift and is like

‘have you seen someone’s been writing in the books? look at this’

and thrusts a book in ur face

and ur like ??????? okay chill I’ll look

and u read the writing she’s pointing at

the familiar loopy handwriting adorning the page

and it says ‘I hope she throws her drink in his face’

when u read the paragraph for context

u realise it’s a confession scene

a few lines down the mystery person has written ‘called it.’

and u can’t help but laugh

like come on that was funny

but ur boss doesn’t agree

she just asks you to find out who’s doing it so they can be suspended from the library

or charged with vandalism

or something

she wants vengeance

u roll ur eyes and go to one of the staff computers

scrolling through the lists of borrowers for that specific book

and it’s a fuckin library that book has been borrowed a loT

2031 times ???????????????

you almost fall of your chair tbh

then someone clears their throat in front of u

and u immediately apologise as u try and get the right tab up to process the borrower’s book

but once u look at the person in front of u

you wish you hadn’t been so nice

sicheng stands in front of you

a grin on his face as he hands you another book

smug bitch is so happy he startled u

‘looking at porn on the library computer, yn?’

u laugh

‘I’m not u in 8th grade’

he glares at you as he takes his book and goes back to his desk to continue studying

u were soooo hoping he’d leave

even tho u kinda enjoyed looking at him

like dude was hot okay

what were u supposed to do????

ur actual job????

please.

so he stays

and when it’s ten minutes til closing

u go and let everyone know

and u stop at sichengs table

and he’s writing out notes or something

idk it’s not like u care anyway lol

but he’s lowkey frustrated bc he keeps messing up this one goddamn formula

so he erases it

and that’s when u catch a glimpse of his handwriting

and bruh am I high or is that the exact same handwriting as in the books

I mean he has borrowed a few of the books

and he’s into that genre

not that you've checked out his borrowed list or anything

basically ur having this whole conversation with yourself in your head

bc ur cool like that

and he’s like ????? why this bitch standing over my shoulder and watching me write out this equation

until he’s like ‘what are u doing’

and ur like !!!!! oh hi !!! sorry I was busy listening to the voices in my head lmao xD

jk jk

‘have u been writing in the books’

and suddenly he’s super shy

and he has this massive grin

and he’s like ‘no’

bitch we know it was u stfu

u roll ur eyes and ur like ‘its not funny my boss wants you to be suspended’

he squints at you

‘how do you even know it was me’

and then:

‘DO YOU HAVE E V I D E N C E’

and u cross your arms

like a badass bitch

and ur like ‘I have plenty of evidence actually’

‘for one, youve borrowed all the books that have been found with writing’

‘and your handwriting matches’

subconsciously he covers his notebook with his arm to hide his handwriting

and he's like ‘why are u telling me this’

you're taken aback by the question tbh

like ?????? to be a good person ??????

idk u fuckwit just wanted to warn you

‘thought you'd want to know’

and he just turns back to his book

and you shrug and walk away like ok get suspended then see if I care

but u do :((

but as you walk away hes like

‘wait’

‘Im gonna be suspended??’

and u nod like ye that's what I just said but ok

‘like I cant borrow or I cant come in at all?’

u don't know tbh

‘both I think?’

and suddenly there's panic in his eyes

another person walks past u and thanks u

and u mindlessly tell them to have a good night as they leave

everyone has left

except sicheng of course

that beautiful son of a-

wait why did u say beautiful

‘what can I do to nOT get suspended??’

and u shrug bc idk dude not my problem

but then u think about it

‘I mean if u get rid of the evidence theres no way u can be suspended, right?’

and he seems so happy at the thought

‘would you help me? please?’

and ur sooooooo skeptical

‘depends. what do u want to me to do?’

‘I mean I need access to the books so’

‘yeah ill let u in and out’

‘I can't exactly just erase the markings when people could be watching’

and that's exactly how you end up sitting in the library with dong sicheng at 11pm at night rifling through books to find odd pencil markings to erase

it wasnt that hard

u just got his record up

*snorts* ‘you borrowed ‘how to talk to girls’ when we were thirteen’

and he just rolled his eyes and marched to the computer like ‘you can see my record I deserve to see yours’

and ur like NOOOOOO nononononono

but later

‘you've read all the light-fighter novels??’

he looks at you from where hes searching for one of the books on the list, an eyebrow raised

‘yeah why’

‘dude,, I loved those books’

and he smiles a little

‘thats where I started marking the books tbh, every time I read it id add a little cross in the corner of the cover bc I read it so often’

part of u is a little impressed

the other is annoyed at how similar your taste in books is

but the first part keeps asking why u hate him so much

other than the staying late and the snarky comments

which you actually find kinda funny-

anyways

once you've gathered up a few of the books

like at least ten each

you sit on the floor of the childrens section

beanbags sprawled out beneath you as u read through some of the books

most of them you've read before

and every time you giggle at something hes written his smile gets a little bigger

but of course youre looking at the book so you dont notice

and he keeps his head down

‘is it bad that im hungry’

you lift your head from the book to look at sicheng

hes not even reading anymore hes just lounging back on the beanbags

and maybe he'd been watching u read

watching as the smile on your face grew wider at his commentary

‘I didnt see you leave tonight. have u eaten?’

you furrow your brows in thought, trying to recall having seen him leave

‘you been watching me, y/n?’

‘have you been eating, sicheng?’

and there's something about the way you say his name that makes his heart jump

his voice is soft as he looks at you in the dark

‘no’

you focus back on the book in front of you

‘finish whatever book youre on and we’ll call it a night’

‘what, you wanna go eat?’ 

you cant tell if hes just surprised or if hes hopeful

or something else

‘no but I do want to sleep’

you laugh and he forces a laugh too

you dont notice the difference

when you've returned all the books

he meets you at the front door as you grab the book you'd been reading that shift

hes just standing by the door on his phone

and maybe its bc ur tired or maybe its just him

but u cant help thinking

Jesus Christ this boy is attractive

and okay maybe u had a crush on him a few years ago

but hey! you were eleven what could u do

the crush still lasted like two years tho lmao

but u shoulder your bag and open the door for him

making sure to lock it carefully

and he walks with you in the direction of your apartment

and ur like oh u live this way too?

and hes like nah

but what kind of boy would he be if he didnt accompany home

like christ y/n u could be h u r t out here at this time of night

but you just smile at him bc wow thats ??? actually ??? kinda sweet

‘who are u and what have u done with dong sicheng’

and there goes his heart again

he just nudges u with his elbow 

and u laugh at him and continue on ur way

when u get to ur building he thanks u for ur help in the most polite way possible

and u can kind of see that hes actually rlly nice ??? how ???

but hes back at the library the next day

and of course he comes up to the counter as soon as he spots you

sneaking around a few desks so u dont hear him come up behind you to whisper ‘BOO!’ in your ear

you jump like three feet in the air and spin around to tell him to get out from behind the desk

‘I dont see a nametag on u that means u have to be on THAT side of the desk thank u very much’

‘didnt realise your name tag said bitch on it geeeez y/n ://’

and u just fix him with a glare once hes finally on the right side

‘are u borrowing a book or not’

‘nuP’

he leans on the desk

his eyes staring straight into yours

‘just wanted to ask if u were able to stay back tonight’

you roll ur eyes

you'd barely gotten any sleep last night

but the look of concern on his face when he realises youre hesitating makes you nod

‘of course,, wouldnt want my least favourite person to get kicked out’

‘I always knew you had a soft spot for me’

you roll ur eyes aGAiN

‘go bother someone else’

‘oh is the hot librarian in?’

you push him away from the desk

but he doesnt miss the faint smile on ur lips

‘sicheng dont make me give you $100 in overdue book fees’

he sticks his hands up at the threat, his eyes wide

‘no. please. ill do anything’

when u raise an eyebrow at him, he just grabs the book you'd been reading (and not yet borrowed) and walks away

and he winks too

u have to stop your heart from beating out of its chest

and later

its 8pm and the library is officially closing

and for the past three hours you'd been walking to sicheng’s desk and subtly been trying to steal your book back

but every single time hes seen you coming

and pulled the book under the desk or into his lap

away from your grabbing hands

every. single. time.

you tap your foot impatiently at him when its time to continue ur undercover project

and he smiles down at his notebook when he hears u huff in annoyance at him

he dramatically looks up at you

‘do you need something?!’

‘do you want to get suspended?!’

he narrows his eyes at you but stands up anyway

he carefully puts his things in his bag and takes the list of books from your hands

a few of them are already crossed out as having been checked and erased

but theres still a lot to go

it takes you almost three weeks to finally get to the last day

and it had been the same thing every time;

sicheng took forever to pack up

you'd eventually find about ten books each

sit in the children’s section

laugh and chat about your lives while you went through the books

tease each other

and when you'd finished,

he'd walk you home

every single time

without fail

it became a habit that on the Tuesdays he'd stop by on his way to his morning class to drop coffee off for you

because he'd kept you up the night before

and it became easy to lose track of time with sicheng

he was just so engaging

there was no part of you that felt bored or uncomfortable with him

yeah he was annoying and infuriating

but his good book taste made up for it

and his annotations in the margins of the books too

‘is this the last of them?’

he squints down at the page again, counting the books on the table again

its the third time hes counted

‘surely ive read more than this’

‘not from this library ://’

you blow your hair out from your face and look down at the pile

‘you know, I think my manager is starting to get really suspicious of me’

‘why’ he looks up briefly from his book to read your face

but you try and remain calm

‘well she only told me about the markings right. and now theyre disappearing’

he looks at you like ?????

‘well she knows ive been closing up late... I think she thinks I did it’

he laughs ‘you? has she met you?’

you pout and throw a pillow at him

‘HEY! what's that supposed to mean :((’

‘it means ive never met someone who's so protective over books as you’

you think about it, chewing ur bottom lip

‘lets just finish this’

‘do u want to get food after’

he surprises you with the sudden question

and the slight nervousness thats evident on his face really makes you want to say yes

but you have a class tomorrow

and you always try and finish up here earlier on a Thursday night

‘cant :((’

he nods and goes back to readng

theres silence for a while

but you find it comfortable

sicheng on the other hand, feels as though hes just been shot down

like

you just turned down his date

you've kinda noticed hes more reserved now

quiet

but rlly hes just kind of embarrassed

until u say something that gives him hope

‘I,, uh, I dont have plans tomorrow night’

and ngl boy is stunned

‘just if u wanted to go see a movie or something idk’

now its ur turn to be embarrassed

u hope ur hair is hiding ur face as u look back down at the book in ur lap bc no doubt ur blushing

but sicheng is just staring at you

and

before even saying anything

he leans over the gap between you

with all the books

and hovers in front of your face

ur so shocked and ur heart is beating way too hard and fast and ur breathing is too quick to be normal are you having an attack I dont know-

and then he leans forward a little bit more

and his lips meet yours

and suddenly its like a fireworks display went off inside you

and then its almost midnight on a Thursday night and ur sitting in the children's section of your workplace in the beanbags with sicheng cupping ur face and kissing you

he just really needed to kiss you

like more than he needed air

and when u finally pull back

he loves how breathless you are

how you have to fight to keep the smile off your face

how you stare at him with wide eyes

‘so its a date then?’

you blush even redder

and nod

‘ye its a date :))’

but for the next fifteen minutes you sit in stunned silence together

small smiles playing on your faces

until u look at your watch and ur like

‘shit sicheng I have to go’

and his eyes widen bc holy crap u were supposed to leave like half an hour ago

so u both sprint around the library trying to put all the books back

and he meets you at the door again after you've grabbed the keys and made sure everything that needed to be locked was,,, u know,, locked

and when ur walkign to the door again

hes on his phone

u cant see but hes texting his friends about what happened lmao what a softie

and when u walk out together

without thinking he grabs your hand

and u walk home

hand in hand

after midnight

he clears his throat

‘so uh,, when actually is our date’

‘my last class ends at 5-’

‘so 5 it is’

‘are u sure??’

he nods happily

and he presses a gentle kiss to ur forehead when u get to ur doorstep

‘ill see u tomorrow’

but the next day

when u come out of your last class

a little giddy

a little too excited

and see him leaning against one of the stone pillars

effortlessly handsome

you feel your heart flip

and maybe ur just tired or maybe its him

but hes really attractive

like really really attractive

its actually just that youre in love with him

he doesnt see you coming

too focused on something on his phone

but he definitely sees you when you push his hand out to the side and step onto ur toes to kiss him

and u can feel him smile a little as he kisses you back

‘ready for that date?’

‘yeah, where are we going’

‘so I was thinking we could go to the libra- HEY! dont hit me I was j o k i n g y/n jesus christ’

[ladybugsfanfics]

Strangers On A Train [3] | Tom Hiddleston x reader

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Style: has become mutlichapter, how long; who knows?

WC: 3.6k

Warnings: cursing, pining, 

Summary:  “we make contact before trying to steal the last seat on the subway/bus/train and I end up in your lap and fuck you, I’m going to stay here because I’ve had a really long day and this seat was mine” - prompt source

A/N: it turns out that this thing that was a drabble has spiraled out of control. I love this fic and it seems to get longer and longer, how long I have no idea. Thank you all for loving it so much <3

If you want to be tagged, send an ask, please ^_^

Previous | Series Maserlist | Part Four

The mix of a buzz from something vibrating against a table and the blare from your annoying alarm wakes you from what had been a deep slumber. Grudgingly, you throw your arm out from under the duvet and smack your phone. This does not have the result you wanted, and you fumble a minute before the sounds fade. 

With a sigh, you turn around and keep huggin your cover, knowing you have about five minutes until the next alarm goes off. Sleep doesn’t come during those five minutes (to be honest, it’s rare when it does), but you still need them to know you have to wake up. 

Your thoughts try to wander back to the dream you had, which was a very nice one where the constant pain in your stomach turned into fireworks because finally something happened. Instead, you have to wake up to a reality where that isn’t the case. 

And the alarm goes off again. You contemplate snoozing it, just this one time, but you know how that will turn out, so you slide it off. It takes a couple of minutes before you actually move. Cold seeps up your legs as your bare feet hit the floor and you instantly regret the decision of waking up. 

Though it isn’t exactly as if you have a choice. 

What you did have a choice in was not to stay up late the past two weeks because you kept talking to Tom. The man himself kept saying he should turn in, and that you should do the same, but neither of you hung up. And the night before had been just as late as the other nights. 

Yet, you drag yourself to the bathroom and do your daily morning routine. With that done, you make your way to the kitchen and make breakfast. Something light (a sandwich), and while you’re at it, you make one for lunch, too. 

It’s only as you’re on your way out you check your phone. Nothing really exciting on the first few notifications. And then, one that has your heart skip a beat and a smile stretch out across your face. 

Tom: Good morning :) I’m taking a plane ride today so I’m not sure if I can entertain you for lunch. - twh

Something about the way he texts has you smile even brighter. 

You: That’s okay, don’t worry about it. Text me when you land??

You put your phone in your pocket as you lock the door and start your little journey to the tube station. The chill morning air greets you, and you take a deep breath. The day already feels like it’ll be a good one. 

And the reply you get from Tom only has your heart beat faster. 

Tom: Of course, did you really believe I wouldn’t? - twh

You grin as you type in a reply. 

You: No, but I need reassurance

Tom: I guess that makes sense. Plane ride doesn’t depart until 10, you have time to talk before then? - twh

You: I can probably make time ;)

Tom: I’m holding you to that. Tell me when you can. - twh

You: :)

---

In the end, the good day you had pictured, turns out not so good. Not only could you not make time to talk to Tom, the lunch break you had pictured―an hour in a cafe with a good book―didn’t happen either because you ended up not taking one. 

There was a constant demand of your attention during the whole workday. You missed the texts that came in at one point, and when you finally sprawl out on your couch from exhaustion, your phone blares to life. 

You read the called ID as that of ‘that one coworker you wish would stop calling this late’. Literally, that’s the caller ID. Instead of answering, because you know you’ll sound like a bitch if you do, you send one of those pre-written texts about not being able to answer. 

Having your phone in your hand, and being certain Tom’s landed, you check your texts. True enough, there is one there. Five hours ago. 

Tom: Just landed, are you free now? - twh

You groan. 

You: I only saw this now, I’m so sorry. I can talk now if you want to?

Seeing as the man is rather busy most of the time, you don’t expect an answer. But hearing your phone pling, your heart pounds. 

Tom: That’s okay, darling. I’m free to talk. :) - twh

Seeing that, you press the call button at the top of the messaging board. It takes little time before it goes through and you hear Tom’s soothing, velvet voice through the speaker of your phone. 

“Hi,” he says.

Just that has you breathless. “Hi,” you reply, some of the exhaustion falling away. “How was the plane ride?”

“It was okay. The same as any other plane ride,” he says, though you notice a slight tiredness to his voice. “How was your day?”

The sigh that comes with the question seems to be answer enough, because he laughs and asks, “that bad, huh?”

“Yeah.” You bring your hand to your forehead and rub your temples. “Barely had a lunch break, actually.” 

“I’m sorry. That doesn’t sound good. Have you eaten dinner yet?” he asks. 

“No. I came home and slumped on the couch.” You gaze towards the kitchen. “Food does sound good, though.”

Tom laughs. “Order yourself some takeout, you deserve it.”

You roll your eyes. “I don’t wanna talk to anyone, or, I don’t wanna talk to anyone but you.” The admittance has your gut churn and you’re glad Tom can’t see how your face flushes bright pink. 

Another chuckle. “I’ll order for you, just tell me what you want.”

The gesture in itself sounds nice, nothing to it. But for you, it means a lot. So far, he know phone calls aren’t really your thing, but you have only mentioned that once. The fact that he remembers and that he offers to do it for you, it makes a warm feeling spread through you.

Nonetheless, you are quite stubborn. “Uhh, no, I can do it.”

“Don’t worry about it. What do you want?” 

Too exhausted to argue, you tell him. Having had cravings for chinese food, more specifically; fried noodles with chicken, bothering you all day, so you tell him exactly that. You can hear his smile through the phone as he asks if there’s anything else you want. 

“Chocolate,” you reply. “And some snacks, not sure what. Biscuits sounds nice, so does crisps. Uhh, what else? Honestly, if you could raid the entire snack section at some store that would be more than enough for me.”

He chuckles. “Sure, I’ll order now, okay? Call you when I’m done?”

You nod and say ‘yes’ at the same time, and the line breaks cut as you both say a quick ‘bye’.

With no need to hold your phone to your ear, your hands falls limp to your side. It connects with the couch in a small double thump as it bounces on first impact. You close your eyes and let out a loud sigh, which eases some of the fatigue from your body. 

Unfortunately, no matter how much you want to sit on the couch and do nothing, you feel a little restless. You stand up on tired feet and let them lead you to the kitchen. Whilst you walk, you pull back your hair into a bun because it became annoying fast. 

Your feet stop in the doorway into the kitchen, and you lean against the frame. Your eyes skim the white cupboards as if you can see through the doors to know what’s in them. Knowing there’s nothing you really want, you walk back to the living room, grab your phone and make for your bedroom. 

Never before has taking off tight fitting jeans felt so good. You slip into a pair of sweatpants and a big t-shirt. Your bra quickly ends up in the laundry basket and just the feeling of not wearing it is enough to make you relax even more. 

And then your phone buzzes where it lies on your bed. You throw yourself down and grab it. One glance has you see it’s Tom and you answer without hesitation. 

“Hi,” you say, sounding more chipper than when you’d talked to him just a few minutes earlier. 

“You sound… not as tired?” You can picture the frown, though slight smile, that covers his face. “Did something happen?”

You shake your head. “No, I changed clothes. Baggy all the way.” 

He laughs. “Ahh, I see. Feels good, doesn’t it?” 

“Really good.” You let the smile creep onto your lips. “When’s the food getting here?”

“Impatient much?” He asks. “It’ll be there in about fifteen minutes.”

“That is too long.”

“Too long? For what? You to not be hungry anymore?”

“No, too long for me to be without food. I seriously would die for, I don’t know, just a tiny bite of something as bland as cauliflower now. Really.”

A soft laugh fills the line. “I guess you’ll have to gain some patience.”

You roll your eyes. “Where can I get that? Can I borrow some from you?”

“I’m sorry to say that that is, in fact, not possible. I have only so much patience and it’s reserved to deal with you.”

You fake a shocked gasp, which only has him laugh. The laugh tugs at your heart, and you try to stop your breath from catching because the sound takes you aback, but by how he stops laughing and just breathes, you know he noticed. 

As neither of you talk, you center in on just listening to him. His breathing is steady, yet he sounds a little bit ragged. In the background, you can hear a small sound of chatter and cars. He’s probably out for a walk, or maybe he’s eating dinner late, too. 

“Hey, something I’ve forgotten to ask,” you say, “how’s Bobby been? You’ve been gone for a few days now.”

“Bobby’s fine. He’s been having the time of his life at my mother’s.” The fondness in his voice has the smile on your face grow wide. 

“Aww, why haven’t I met him yet?” you ask, and pout even though Tom can’t see it. “I find that highly unfair.”

“Maybe sometime in the coming week?” 

You nod. “That sounds perfect.”

And the next thing you’re going to say is interrupted by the sound of a car outside your apartment building. “I think the food’s here.” You get up from the bed and move towards your apartment door. On the line, Tom’s voice is muffled as he speaks to someone else. To not have the take-out guy wait for you to open your door and find everything, you find your card and open the apartment door beforehand. 

However, the sight that meets you is not the one you expected. 

Tom walks toward your door, three bags in hand. Two are grocery-store bags and the third is a take-out bag. The smile that comes on your face from seeing him doesn’t want to die down. Fully clad in a fucking suit that has him look good in more ways than one, holding bags of food and with a smile on his face that makes his glasses scrunch up his noise, Tom is the miracle you need on a bad day. 

Heat flows through your veins. Your lungs feel tight, ache but such a good ache that you can only shake your head in disbelief. The small laugh, the ‘ehehehe’ he has in every conversation, echo from your phone as he comes closer. 

“Hi,” he says, and the cheeky, innocent smiles that accompanies has your heart flip. 

And you want to say hi back, it’s just you don’t know words. Your shuts down. All you can do is stare at him and hit the ‘end-call’ button on your phone. At least, your brain wires up as you’re about to lose it to the ground, and you slip it into the pocket of your pants. 

Tom walks past you with a shake of his head and makes it into your kitchen, taking off his shoes on the way. He dumps the bags on the counter and starts to unload them as you close the door and lock it. Still in shock, you slowly move to the kitchen. 

With an amused glance your way, he finds plates and cutlery. “Here you go,” he says and hands you a fully prepared meal that smells delicious and has your stomach make a low growl. Tom laughs at that and pulls out a chair at your dining table for you to sit. 

“Ho―” You cut yourself off. “Why―what?”

He presses his lips together, probably trying not to laugh at your attempt to speak. But he doesn’t say anything as he readies another plate with food. 

“What the hell is going on?” 

Tom chuckles. 

“When did you come back here?” you ask, though you figure that’s a rather stupid question as you’ve said it. “Or more, why didn’t you tell me?”

“You never asked where I was going. I thought it was nice with a surprise.” He shrugs. Shrugs. The audacity. 

“I… You fucking asshole.” 

He purses his lips with another innocent smile. “I do have one of those yes, but I’m not sure about the fucking part.” 

Something mixed with shock and annoyance leaves your lips. “I don’t think I can reply to that,” you say. “What? Who do you think you are?”

Tom shrugs. “Someone trying to lighten the mood.” He takes a bite of his food, leaving the implication of what more he wants to say, up for you to decipher. 

“Lighten the mood? You did that alone with a phone call, this is much worse. This is literally just making my day, on every level.”

He smiles. “I’m glad I could be of assistance.”

You roll your eyes. “Assistance my ass, you just love getting attention for doing nice stuff, I’m sure of it.”

He doesn’t say anything. Though those blue-green eyes say enough with the look he sends you. It’s so genuine, so relaxed that it eases you out of your stupor of seeing him even more, and you manage to actually bite into your food. 

Water fills your mouth at the taste. It lingers on your tongue as you swallow and you continue to stuff your mouth with food. Not once, during the meal, is your mouth food free. You don’t even take something to drink during it, and the worst part of it all; 

Tom fucking Hiddleston―the man you’ve been crushing on for two weeks―is sitting across from you with this stupid grin on his face watching you eat like the disater case you are. And you don’t care. Which is messed up because you used to care about those things like crazy. 

But with Tom you’ve managed to create an environment where you don’t care. He doesn’t judge you, and you aren’t afraid of him thinking you’re disgusting or weird or anything that has self doubt cloud your mind, because there’s something about him that has you relax and just feel free to be yourself. 

Which is the reason you love spending time with him. Just talking on the phone, or being in his presence, or just texting. Anything that has to do with him, and your whole body eases because he just oozes self-confidence and humbleness. Something tells you he’s not afraid to make a fool of himself, and that you don’t have to be afraid, so you’re not. 

All those things, that’s what makes your heart pound. Makes your hands clammy. Has your shirt cling to your back because god, it’s a little hot in here. Have you become aware that you aren’t wearing a bra and that you know that’s noticeable through your shirt. It’s what makes your gut churn, makes fireworks blow up, and the reason you feel like the places where he touches you during a hug or just randomly because it’s something he does, feel like they’re on fire and that your skin is burning away. 

And you still don’t understand how any of those feelings can be good. Yet, they are. They are the best thing that’s ever happened, because that idea of needing a family, a boyfriend, marriage, and that it’s becoming too late, it’s being pushed on you as you near forty. And no matter how much you tell yourself you don’t care, you do. The thought of Tom being that rescue, well it just has all those feelings start anew. 

“Y/N?” 

You snap out of your thoughts. Tom’s light but quizzical smile has you cock an eyebrow at him. His smile turns amused. “Still tired? Or something else?”

“Yeah,” you say, because it feels like the best option. 

It has him laugh. “Care to tell?”

You scrunch your nose. “Nah, not really. Would rather hear how your trip was.” 

He smiles at that. “Rather boring,” he says. 

“That’s it?” you ask. “You went out of the country for three days to, uhh you actually never said where, and you don’t have anything to say about it.”

“It was a work trip, what is there to say?” He shrugs. 

“Excuse me, mister it-was-a-work-trip, but you’re a fucking famous actor who does not have a boring job, so please tell me how a trip for you can be boring?” You jokingly glare at him, which prompts a laugh. It tugs at your heart and it takes a double take, because he doesn’t stop laughing. 

The glare you have turns into a smile that grows with each passing second. Your eyes crinkle at the glee he shows. 

“I just,” he says, still laughing, “I don’t understand how you find that so amusing. Playing it, doing the movie is the funnest part, but I’m not currently doing much more than traveling from place to place. It’s enjoyable, but it can’t possibly interest you.” 

You scoff. “Really?” you ask. 

He nods. 

“If you really need to know, everything you do interests me. You could sleep or just sit quiet and brood, and it would interest me.” The words feel good as you say them, but also comes with a bitter taste of ‘shit-i-said-too-much’. 

Tom proves you wrong when his eyes crinkle and he smiles wide at you. Grins, actually. He lifts his glasses back into place, and straightens up. “I don’t believe that.” 

Another scoff comes from you. 

“What about me is it that’s interesting enough for that?”

You take a deep breath and sit up yourself. The fork in your hand clatters to the plate and you take a moment to rub your neck and clear your head. Then you put your elbows on the table, clasp your hands together and lean forward, staring Tom right in the eyes. “There is so much, you’ll have to use that patience of yours as I continue.”

He smiles and laughs slightly, eyes trained on you intently as you open your mouth again. 

“When we first met, I sat on your lap. Or almost slept in your lap, and all you did was be a perfect gentleman who let me ease from some of my exhaustion. And after that, you were so nice when we went out. 

“You’re easy to talk to. There is no judgement, and that’s always been what held me back, still holds me back, with others. But with you, there is nothing that has me be afraid I’m messing up, because you don’t care. It makes you so human it’s hard to remember that you have such a huge fanbase who could list a thousand things about you without a second's thought to it. 

“Do you have any idea what those little things you do mean? Like today, getting all this because I didn’t feel like getting it myself. And showing up here because you knew I had a bad day and wanted to help? It’s like you’re some kind of guardian angel or something.

“And, and this is the last thing I’ll say because I’m too tired to list everything, you have so many stories and so much information and knowledge. Listening to you is amazing and I could do it forever. Literally, I didn’t know it was possible to be this perfect.”

A blush creeps up Tom’s neck. You can see the red cover the lower part of his face, and he looks down in his lap. “You’re making me blush.” 

You grin at him. “That was the point, if you didn’t get that.”

He rolls his eyes, but the blush and the smile stays on. “You’re too good for me.”

“Nah, pretty sure, according to all those fans of yours, you deserve even better than me.” 

He shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure most of them say I deserve to be happy.”

You smile. “You do, you know? Whether that’s alone, or with someone, you deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks,” he says. 

You beam at him. “Okay, but what do you say to cleaning up this and watching a movie with all the snacks you bought?” You stand from you chair and take your empty plate. 

He nods, and says, “Sounds great,” as you take his too, and place them by the sink. 

With your back to Tom, and the water turned on to wash the dishes, you let out a content sigh, and let the butterflies fly around. The feeling better than it was before, and the feeling that rushes through you with energy and adrenaline, one you wish to keep feeling. 

CONTINUED HERE

permanent tags: @devilbat @adefectivedetective @gamillian

tom tags:  @inlovewith3  @bookgirlunicorn @mindlesschicca @justawriterinprogress @wolfsmom1

tags: @sabine-leo @sunshinein17

bold in the taglist are people tumblr won’t let me mention, send me a DM and we can solve the problem ^_^

[nonhumanwithin]

Advice for confused kin

(Note: I’m not fictionkin or any other type of unusual kin, just a normal otherkin, so I’ll be talking about my own experiences and not really fictionkin or the like. I wish I could help, I’m sorry!)

This is more centered around my personal experiences, but I do hope it helps others as well. Writing out your thoughts can sometimes help clear your mind c:

So, I’ve struggled with figuring out my kintypes for a long time. I’ve known I’m otherkin for almost 9 years now, and yet I still struggle from time to time with my identity. This is mostly due to my mental illnesses (BPD and CPTSD, if you’re curious), which I know I’m not the only otherkin struggling with. I know of a few others who are adults and have been in the community for some time who struggle with finding out their identity. So, if you’re like me, or maybe more new to the community or younger, either way, I hope this helps at least a little.

First, I’ll go over some basics:

Being otherkin means you identify as a nonhuman being (non physically!). You are this creature, and it is you.

Being otherhearted/kith means you identify with the creature, not as. Maybe you wish you were this creature, maybe not. It holds a part of your heart, and in a way, is probably apart of who you are as a person, but it doesn’t shape your identity in the same way a kintype does. You probably can’t imagine not identifying as your kintype, but you could still be you without your kithtype.

However, being otherhearted/kith is NOT the same as having a favorite animal. It can be like a favorite animal, but you feel like “favorite animal” doesn’t quite describe how you feel about the animal. It is definitely something more than that.

Cameo shifts are shifts into another creature that isn’t your kintype. (Note that shifting as your kithtype counts as cameo, or at least, I don’t know any better word for it, so that’s what I’ll call it for now.)

So, how do you distinguish a kintype from a kithtype? What makes a shift a cameo instead of a kintype shift?

I think for something to be considered a kintype, you must identify as it for a certain amount of time (maybe about 6 months) and distinctly feel that it is you and feel as if, when you see your kintype, you are looking in a mirror, not seeing a friend. (Of course, if you find your kintype and decide you’re sure enough to call it a kintype before 6 months that is completely fine, I’m talking about those who are confused or questioning and want to be absolutely sure!)

For me, when I see something I know is a kithtype- for this example I’ll use wolves, as they are a kithtype of mine and I did think I was a wolf for a while- I do see similarities between us. But I feel more a deep admiration for them than a feeling of “that’s me!”. I feel as if I’m seeing brothers and sisters, like I could walk among wolves like they are family, but they’re not. I like to compare it to the way Native Americans in movies (idk about irl so I’m comparing to movies bc it’s easier) have certain animals they deeply respect and sort of draw power/happiness/knowledge/etc from. It is a deep connection, and for me it feels almost familial. I want to protect wolves, and learn about them, and someday see them in person. I want to be their friend, their ally, their sibling. But I am not one of them.

With my dog theriotype, it’s different. When I see seppalas with black and white coats like how I imagine my theriotype to look, I get a very strong feeling like “that’s me!!!” and feel as if I’m looking in a mirror, or seeing a picture of me when I looked really good, haha. I see myself as this animal, and it feels completely natural to do so. I could imagine myself as my dog theriotype doing dog things, or imagine something silly like being a dog doing human things, like typing at my computer. But it feels 100% natural to see myself this way. Calling myself a dog feels right. Calling myself a wolf would feel more like, trying to fit into your older sibling’s clothes as a kid, if that makes sense? I sometimes want to be a wolf because I admire them so much. But, I am not one.

But of course, the lines between kin and kith aren’t always so distinct. Maybe you feel so strongly for an animal that you wonder if it is a kintype, but you feel it’s not quite strong enough to be a kintype. Maybe you have had very strong shifts as your kithtype and question if it means something more, or if the shifts were only cameos. Maybe you heavily relate to some of the characteristics of your kithtype and feel as if these characteristics are linked to a kintype and this creature fits your feelings fairly closely, probably not totally accurately.

Alternatively, maybe you question a kintype being a kithtype instead because you don’t always feel it so strongly. Maybe you’re not as connected to one kintype as another. Maybe you think you’re just biased and really really like this animal and shouldn’t be so quick to label it as a kintype.

So, where do you draw the line?

It might be different for you, but for me personally, I think I would have to consider myself this animal enough to want to call myself this animal, at least most of the time. Maybe I don’t feel it as strongly as my dog theriotype, but if I were to introduce myself to someone, I would want to mention all of my theriotypes. I must have somewhat frequent/strong shifts of this animal that do not fade, or feel partially shifted for a long period of time. I’ve found that if I have random bursts of shifts that are only caused by outside influences, they are cameo shifts. My kintype shifts might be more random, last longer, and feel more solid, while cameo shifts feel more unstable, like they won’t last very long.

What sucks about me personally is that, when I cameo shift, I feel very strongly in that moment that I am that creature, that I identify as it. I have had very strong feline shifts, where I feel totally cat and want to rub my head on things and purr. But I get these shifts too infrequently to call myself a feline. Though that’s how it is for me personally. Maybe you’re different and have very infrequent shifts, that’s okay!

The main difference is that I do not normally identify as a cat. I have strong cat shifts caused by outside influences and will feel as if I am internally a cat for a short time, but it always goes away. If I am doing something unrelated to cats and not thinking about it for some time, and someone asks what animal I feel like in that moment, I would not say I am a cat.

Another difference is I will sort of instinctively shift as a reaction to certain situations, such as fear. For example, I have social anxiety and I remember a day when I went to the store feeling particularly anxious, and had a strong orca shift as a result, feeling the urge to slap my tail at anyone who got too close (sounds hilarious writing it out tbh). I wouldn’t normally have cameo shifts as a defense thing like this. I wouldn’t shift into a dragon or cat or whatever in this situation unless I was already thinking about them a lot or something.

I would have wolf shifted in the past when I believed I was a wolf, because my dog theriotype is pretty similar to wolves and I was confident I was a wolf back then. So, it’s good to try to remain unbiased if you are questioning a kintype and wondering what animal your shift is linked to. Instead of labeling it with any specific animal, stay neutral. For example, if you feel a long snout and the urge to growl and bare your teeth, do not call it a canine shift. There are other animals with long snouts that growl.

If you have a lot of cameo shifts and want to determine whether certain shifts are cameos or indications of a kintype, I would recommend:

Doing research. You’ve probably already done research to figure out what animal exactly you are shifting into, but I’d recommend also figuring out if you identify with many of the traits from this animal. For example, do you feel drawn to the habitat it lives in? When you hear its vocalizations do they sound familiar and you think if you could make these vocalizations it would feel right? Think about how big or small the animal is, does it feel right imagining yourself from that point of view? Maybe you’ll find you do little things that are similar to this animal. Be aware that they could very well be normal human things, but ultimately I think it’s up to you to determine whether these characteristics feel related to a kintype or not. Also, everyone is different! Maybe you don’t like the habitat your kintype lives in, etc. You don’t have to identify with all of these questions.

Take it slow, don’t think too much about it. Personally, the more I think about a potential kintype, the more I want to rush things and feel more biased and want to label myself, but this can be a bad idea.

Going off the last note but it’s 100% okay to be wrong about your kintype. If you absolutely feel right calling yourself a certain creature and want to label yourself this now, go ahead! Do what makes you happy. Maybe in a few months or a few years you’ll realize you were wrong. But that’s okay, everyone is still learning and growing, everyone makes mistakes. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for switching labels when it doesn’t affect them at all. It’s your own life, your own mind. Only you know how you feel, and no one can tell you how to think or feel or whatever.

However, if you are prone to rushing things and switching labels and such and want to quit, I would recommend waiting around 6 months before labeling a new kintype. If by then you still feel strongly you identify as this animal, label away! I say 6 months because from what I have seen it’s the period of time before someone can be diagnosed with a mental disorder. You have to experience symptoms of a disorder for at least 6 months in order to be diagnosed. I think it’s a good amount of time, because a lot can happen in 6 months, but you will not change who you are as a person or your core identity in 6 months. Basically, your kintype isn’t going anywhere by then. The only reason I can think of someone identifying as the wrong kintype for 6 months is if their actual kintype is very similar, and maybe they aren’t aware it exists (which is what happened in my case!), or haven’t looked into it enough. But of course, it’s totally up to you. Whatever you’re most comfortable with.

It’s also totally okay to not know your kintype. Maybe you don’t know any of your kintype(s), and just know that you don’t feel totally human. That’s okay! Everyone goes at their own pace. You have all the time in the world to figure yourself out.

Keeping a journal is a good idea. Try to be as unbiased as possible and write down your shifts and other otherkin experiences. Write down why you think you shifted, if it’s totally random or was possibly caused by something. Write down any urges you have that you think are kin related.

Maybe try inducing shifts of different animals you are considering as kintypes and note the differences between them and how comfortable/stable the different shifts feel.

You could have a friend or just have a timer or something to remind you to randomly ask yourself how you are feeling in that moment, if you feel like any particular animal. It can be very subtle.

Do things your possible kintype would do, watch videos, look at pictures, or if you’re into drawing, draw yourself! Draw how your phantom shifts would look, or draw what you think you would look like as this possible kintype. If you can’t draw or feel it wouldn’t accurately capture what you’re thinking. try to imagine it as vividly as possible. Does it feel like you? Do you feel as if you’re looking in a mirror, or does it feel more like a character/fursona, or like seeing an old friend?

I won’t get too into detail about finding your kintype and how to do research and such because there is already a lot of information about that out there. I wish you all luck on your journeys to discover yourselves!

[kmp78]

DISCLAIMER AND RULES

These are the UPDATED directions/guidelines for all who want to participate/contribute to this blog. Our topics of conversation revolve mostly around 30 Seconds to Mars/the Leto Bros, but we have been known to also discuss various other current events around the world.

By reading, and especially by contributing, on what goes on around this blog, you are willingly agreeing with all guidelines and directions I have mentioned below - no exceptions.

I am willing to give a space to those who wish to discuss Mars (or other topics), and I am washing my hands from any and all fuckery that may ensue from other people´s opinions.

Also worth mentioning: I am fully aware that some people who publicly and very vocally denounce any interest in either this blog or Mars gossip lurk around this blog and then spread shit elsewhere on the internet. 

By doing that, you are essentially outing yourself as a quiet kmp78 admirer, so to speak. 

Or a fangirl, if that suits better. 🤗

Alright then... READ.

1.  This blog is laced with sarcasm, jokes, stupid and often very dark humor and PERSONAL OPINIONS - both mine and the people who participate in our conversations. This is not CNN, BBC or even Fox News - this is a personal blog run by a (sort of) fan. Not someone with inside information, and not someone whose opinions and views should be taken too seriously, and definitely not as gospel. I have no direct access to anyone in the Mars organization, and I do not work for them.

2. Nor do I work for YOU. This may be a blog which is mainly used for discussions about all things Mars and all opinions and topics are welcome, but the only one in charge is ME. I decide if a message gets published, if a message gets edited, if a message gets deleted - and if the sender gets blocked.

And not that it really needs to be said, but here goes anyway: I do not work for any Leto troll either.

3. And speaking of blocking: 

those who send threats or offensive messages will be blocked, as will anyone who I deem block-worthy. Rest assured, I never block anyone without a reason, so if you should discover that you have been blocked, that means I had a reason. I may or may not inform publicly when a person has been blocked, depends on my mood.

4. Everyone who sends messages is responsible for their own words - I do not accept any blame for other people´s opinions. Misunderstandings by accident or on purpose are not my headache. If I suspect a message will potentially cause unnecessary problems or annoyance for me, I will not post it (or will edit it), and  I don´t owe anyone any explanations as to why I´m not posting it. I may explain, or not - that´s up for me to decide. 

In any case, as I said: I will not take responsibility for anyone else´s words other than mine, and screaming at me over here or elsewhere online regarding comments someone else made and I posted...

Well, that´s just infantile. 🙄

5. All opinions are welcome, positive AND negative. A positive opinion does not automatically make you a sheep, and a negative opinion does not automatically make you a hater. 

Readers to this blog should be adult enough to handle both sides.

6. Calling women sluts or whores is not ok here. 

You also need to be able to tell the difference between calling a woman a whore and calling a Leto a whore. If you can´t understand the difference, then get out immediately.

SPECIAL CLAUSE:

the term “YACHT GIRL” when used in connection with an actually legit model who YOU ARE JEALOUS OF BECAUSE SHE GETS TO BONE A MAN YOUR FLABBY LOINS BURN FOR, actually is the equivalent of you calling her a whore, so kindly DO NOT.

Use whatever brain cells your parents genes bestowed upon you and make them at least somewhat proud. That should hopefully partially make up for the disappointment they most probably are already feeling knowing you actually read and participate in this shit.

7. What is also not ok is accusing people of crimes, calling them psychopaths, or threatening others with physical violence etc. - not even sarcastically or as jokes.

Think of it this way: 

when typing your message, if at any point you think that what you are writing might come across differently or more seriously to the person reading it than to you while writing it - then do not write it. Any innuendo about people´s potential “social diseases” is not welcome either, and neither are accusations of “obsessions” and people “stalking” the men this blog is focused on. Be VERY careful when using these terms. 

YOU are responsible for your own words. I cannot stress that enough.📣

8. We use a lot of initials and nicknames in our conversations - for a reason. 

Do not use people´s real names in messages. 

If you do not know who a particular person is, please come ask via chat (directions on how to use the chat feature can be found here). I may or may not blur out a name in a message if I think it´s necessary.

9. I post a lot of pics, gifs - and most of them are found from Google using various search terms, and sadly have no tags or indications as to who is the owner/maker. I don´t own any of the pics or gifs, or videos for that matter either (except the ones I have made and labeled as my own). If you find something of yours posted and prefer not to have it up or to have your name added as credits, please let me know and I will remove it.

As for links to either newspaper articles, IG accounts, other blogs or the like: you can find credits to the sources by either clicking on the links, or if I have decided to post screen caps, in the pics themselves. Again, I do not write articles or make videos and very, very rarely post anything other than other people´s comments - after all, this is prominently a discussion blog now. Opinions/messages from other people represent THEIR views and thoughts, my views/thoughts can be seen in my answers (in case of submits or multi-part messages, you will find my contributions to the message after this sign: ***).

To make this very clear: we don´t make news here, we discuss them.

10. When sending submits, if you are unsure of others potentially seeing your “ID”, please mention in your message that you want to remain anon and I will post it anon. Also please remember tho that there is no such thing as complete anonymity - so be careful when writing down your thoughts. Censor yourself if necessary - don´t make problems for me or others, or yourself.

11. I use Statcounter on this blog, which means I can see IP addresses from people visiting this site. However I choose to use that information is up to me, so if you are scared shitless of being outed due to your own actions/words, then DO NOT COME HERE.

If I out your IP, then there is a reason for it.

Don´t give me reasons if you want to remain in the shadows.

(And same goes for chat messages btw: don´t pretend to be my friend in private, but then turn your back and stab me in it in public. More often than not I WILL find out, and if I choose to then out your bullshit by posting private messages, THAT´S ALL YOUR OWN DOING, KIDDOS.

Play nice with me and you have nothing to worry about.

Start kicking dirt in my face and...🤷‍♀️

12. If you are addressing your message directly to someone (= other than me), please say so CLEARLY in your message, for example by starting your message with “For anon who said...”, or something along those line. I have had it with misunderstandings and unnecessary messes due to unclear messages! BE SPECIFIC!

13. ONLY write either in English or Finnish. I won´t waste my time on Google Translate, I have enough on my plate as it is and your weirdo mongrel lingos are boring as hell anyway.

14.  DO NOT SEND MESSAGES WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE OF STIRRING UP SHIT - OR TO INSULT OTHER COUNTRIES OR NATIONALITIES. That would rank quite high the PATHETIC categories...

15. I won´t post content from so-called private/non-celeb accounts such as Leto trolls (= VK for example IS a celeb so whatever she posts is most deffo getting posted, but anything posted by Lesser´s harem probs won´t be).

16. READ PREVIOUS MESSAGES! READ PREVIOUS MESSAGES! READ PREVIOUS MESSAGES! READ PREVIOUS MESSAGES! READ PREVIOUS MESSAGES! 

I´m beyoooooooond bored answering the same questions over and over again, sometimes in the space of just a few hours! The archives and search option are available on my blog for a reason! USE THEM. 😠

17. When sending messages containing info or “receipts” or whatever it may be that you think we should be made aware of, either clearly state WHERE that info can be found and WHO you are talking about. Do not simply send a message a´la “VK can be seen on Monica´s/Richard´s/Beatrice´s IG”. We don´t know who these people are! You may, but we don´t! I do not follow a single model or fashion industry creeper on social media so FIRST NAMES mean fuck all to me. GIVE FULL DETAILS OR SHUT THE FUCK UP. 

18. IF I SAY A TOPIC IS OFF-LIMITS, THEN YOU WILL RESPECT THAT.

19. I usually try to post messages in the same order they have been sent - with a few exceptions: 

If a situation arises which calls for “immediate attention” (new troll pics or other sudden Mars-related activity, for example), I may leave older messages for later and focus on newer ones first. Also when I am operating on my mobile, I am often unable to post certain messages (videos etc.), so those will be left for later when I am back to an actual computer. 

20. More often than not, tumblr fails to deliver messages to my inbox. If you suspect that yours has not been delivered, please send it again. I don´t mind getting duplicates.

21. If I feel that a message offers no relevant or needed content, I won´t post it. For example, a message such as “JL & XX in Japan bang bang” is unnecessary and pointless and not worth posting. I only have 250 allowed posts per day, and on busy days I have to make judgments on what is worthy of posting and what is not. I apologize if I therefore have to skip some messages. 

When I run out of allowed posts here, I will let everyone know that I am switching over to use the secondary blog which can be found at @kmp78secondaryblog

(PLEASE NOTE: That blog is ONLY used when we run out of room here, and I never go there unless I have to so please don´t send any messages to that blog unless I inform we have to move there!)

AND FINALLY PLEASE REMEMBER:

THIS IS A FANDOM FOR A BAND. NOT A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH. ACT ACCORDINGLY.

Creating hater accounts dedicated to POSTING PICTURES OF MY BLOODY EYEBALL (that btw actually happened because of course it did! This is the echeLOOOOOON after all! 👍) won´t make me quit this blog, so...

Yeah.

Anyway, for further information, please contact me via private message here, on my IGs, or at kmp78@yahoo.com.

Thank you. 🙏

PS: In case you run into accounts/comments made under my tumblr “identity”, or otherwise unauthorized “kmp78″ activity outside of tumblr which you recognize as being linked to this blog in any way (such as my posts being tagged with JL´s tags etc.), please report them immediately, both to the admins of the sites you found these accounts on, and to me directly so I can take appropriate action, thanks.

Any of my personal pics taken from this blog have been taken without permission and I have never and will never give permission to post them anywhere. And when I say I “appropriate action”, I mean just that. If need be, I will be contacting the authorities, like I did when I received public death threats. 

Be very aware that my tolerance for that is less than zero - and also be aware that these guidelines and my rules may change whenever I feel the need to change them.

#DEAL ✌️

[winterverses]

Walking Wounded - Chapter Seventy-Five

Content Warning: Discussion of violence.

The aircar zoomed toward Justice, bobbing and weaving through traffic in a way that reminded Kirk of games back at the Academy. Starships were so much slower, even shuttles-- sure, maybe it was just that they felt that way, but between the shields and the navigation systems there was almost never a situation where you needed the kind of reaction time that you had to have to pilot an aircar. The closest situation he’d come to needing those kinds of reflexes was when they’d first encountered the drones, and still, that had been nothing like the split second timing that this driver had. Come to think of it, it was the same driver from that first day back on Yorktown.

“Ugh. Remind me why I ever thought giving an interview was a good idea,” Anne said, scrolling through the article.

“What? They get something wrong?” Kirk asked, looking away from the window and trying to skim what he saw on the screen. “Slow down, you’re going too fast for me.”

She slowed enough that he could read as well. “Nothing wrong, just… ugh. I hate feeling like my life is being dissected all over the place. Look how many times it’s been read already.”

Kirk began to read at random, in the middle of a passage.

‘It’s easy to tell just how much their experiences have affected their relationship. Captain Kirk’s rakish grin and confident air fade a little the moment Ms. Hardesty begins to look troubled, turning fiercely protective, no matter how casually he plays it off. She, in turn, makes no secret of how much his presence comforts her, and her voice hardly wavers so long as his arm is around her, even when giving what details she can of her quite frankly horrific experiences.

That’s not to say that their relationship has been only beneficial for them; though they couldn’t comment on the exact circumstances, they’ve dealt with some serious injuries, the causes rooted in Ms. Hardesty’s devotion and Captain Kirk’s protective impulses. The worst of these injuries were ones they weren’t even free to talk about, citing their unreliability as witnesses where the other is concerned and their unwillingness to jeopardize their upcoming court case. Only the circumstances surrounding the event itself could be detailed, and there is no better or more succinct way to put it than in the Captain’s own words:

“Anne gets dragged away from the side of one of my senior officers, I rush to get the ship there in time and go haring off after her… and when we come out of that room, my guts are hanging out, and she’s almost lost an eye, her mind, and still doesn’t even remember who I am.”

One can hardly help but question the circumstances; would this have turned out the same had their feelings not been a factor?’

“It’s bullshit, gorgeous. Don’t bother yourself over it.” Kirk went to blank the screen.

“Don’t,” Anne said, batting at his hand in irritation.

Fine, okay. He settled back into his seat, looking out the window again, until the next time she muttered something under her breath. “If it’s going to bother you that much, just shut it off,” he said, a little irritated himself.

She registered that irritation, because she stilled, then leaned on him. “I’m sorry. I just can’t look away. And it’s not like not reading it will be any better.”

Immediately, he felt like an ass. Of course she wouldn’t be able to help wanting to read it. She’d never seen herself through the lens of someone else’s writing before. Her writing, sure, but she’d always been careful to stay out of the public eye. He hadn’t been able to put down the first article he’d ever been interviewed for back when he’d first taken command of the Enterprise, even though it had eviscerated him for not getting to Vulcan in time as much as lauded him for saving Earth. And she was right-- if she wasn’t getting upset by the article, she’d just be getting upset over something far closer, and with a lot better and more concrete reasons. “No, it’s my fault. It’s weird seeing yourself like that, I know. Go on ahead and read it, and if you find anything really awful about it, let me know.”

“The worst thing so far is the craftsmanship,” Anne grumbled. “Really, trying to maintain a neutral voice by using ‘one’ as a substitute for ‘I’ is shoddy. I see why she’s done it, but for heaven’s sake, there are better ways of skinning that particular cat. Learn to use your words to better effect.”

Okay, he couldn’t help a laugh at Anne’s sneering. He kept it quiet, though. “What’s more irritating, the subject matter, or the way it’s written?”

Anne turned to look at him incredulously. “The way it’s written, of course,” she said, then looked thoughtful. “Maybe I should give the girl some advice.”

“I can’t think of a better way to guarantee we get a much less flattering article next time,” Kirk said, throwing his arm over Anne’s shoulders. He was glad of that in a moment, when the aircar started to plummet, not that they felt it. It just meant they were at Justice, and Anne knew that. She inched up even closer to him and blanked the screen, her body tensing. “It’ll be all right,” he said, pressing a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re going to be fine.”

“I’d better be, or Claudia will have someone’s head for all that wasted work,” Anne said dryly.

“I’ll let her take point on that one. Mainly because I think she’d do a better job of beheading someone than I would. She’s probably had more practice,” he deadpanned.

He couldn’t tell whether Anne was just playing along or whether she actually thought that was plausible when she replied. Hell, come to think of it, it was pretty plausible. “I’ll have to ask her about her time in med school. That seems like the most likely setting for a beheading, and I’ve always wanted to know the specific physical sensations involved. For verisimilitude, of course.”

The aircar came to a stop before the Justice building, and Kirk said, “1600 in front of the lower deck entrances, right?”

“1500, sir,” the driver said.

Kirk gave the guy a half grin. “Just checking.” The driver lifted a hand in response.

The crowd outside was, if anything, bigger than the one before. He suspected that article hadn’t helped things any, not with those women still feeding information to the press. Anne had been right about what she’d said, though-- if they left by a route they hadn’t previously been seen to use, they probably wouldn’t have to deal with the crowd on their way out. And then they could just wait out the press until the last trial was over. “All right, gorgeous. Stick close to me and don’t let go,” Kirk said.

Anne’s face was even paler than usual, but her mouth was set in a determined line, and she nodded. Kirk opened the door and stepped out, reaching back for Anne’s hand and tucking it in the crook of his arm as she exited the car behind him. The door slid shut, but by that time they were already walking, dodging reporters, Kirk breaking a path and Anne following behind. About three quarters of the way to the door, he felt a sudden jerk on his arm and heard Anne yelp. He immediately saw red, whirling to find Anne grabbing for his arm, looking behind her. He caught her seeking hand instead, yanking her toward him in a way that could have made someone with worse balance stumble; even in stiletto heels, she was barely fazed by it, her shoulder lightly smacking against his side as she skidded to a halt. Kirk immediately wrapped his arm around her waist, picking up his pace. “Did you see who did that?” he asked over the rising tumult of sound around them.

“No, but he won’t be walking very easily,” Anne said, rubbing at her bare arm. Red marks from the guy’s fingers were slowly fading. “I wore these heels for a reason.”

Kirk pulled out his communicator just as he saw a few members of his senior staff directing officers in the Starbase uniform to come and meet them. Immediately, he holstered it, beckoning two of the officers to him as he and Anne were surrounded by the rest. “You, and you, search the crowd. Whoever did that will be limping. Find him, and hold him on my authority. Notify me immediately.” The officers acknowledged and hurried past. “If they don’t find him, I want the surveillance clip from that timestamp examined until a positive ID can be made,” Kirk said, directing his order to the ranking officer.

“Are you planning to press charges, sir? I mean, ma’am?”

Kirk looked down at Anne. She looked shaken and sick, but not so upset that she was about to call this thing off. He almost wished that she was. “Yes,” she said. She tried to grin, but it was just a shadow of its normal brilliance. “Provided that someone who specializes in law can be found somewhere around here.”

“Federation Justice has several dozen representatives on hand at any given moment, ma’am,” the Lieutenant said earnestly. Kirk and Anne just looked at each other and then kept walking. To his credit, when the Lieutenant received no reply he seemed to catch on, looking a bit embarrassed. “Sorry, ma’am,” he said as they reached Uhura, Spock, McCoy, and Hayes.

“It’s all right. I’m afraid my wit isn’t at its best when I’m nervous,” Anne said, flashing a more natural looking grin at the Lieutenant, who gave her a tentative smile back.

“I’ll make sure that footage gets reviewed, Captain, ma’am,” the Lieutenant said.

“While you’re at it, you can tell Commodore Paris that we want a dedicated escort any time those women know where you are,” Hayes said. “This is really ridiculous. It was ridiculous last time and it’s even more ridiculous now.”

“While Medical gets a certain amount of leeway, the rest of us have to follow the established chain of command, Lieutenant Commander Hayes,” Kirk said pointedly. “I’ll take it up with Commodore Paris while I wait.”

“You’d better--”

“I’ll hold him to it, Dr. Hayes,” Uhura said.

“Good,” Hayes said. Then they were past the doors, and the din seemed to press closer in. The crowd was more orderly, however, with officers clearing a path and keeping the press well back. Kirk kept his arm around Anne’s waist, though, deciding that he didn’t particularly care about looking unprofessional at the moment. As soon as they were in the elevator, however, Hayes practically shoved him aside, looking Anne over, checking the arm the man had grabbed. “What happened? Did he hurt you?”

“No, he just grabbed me,” Anne said, holding out her wrist so that Hayes could take her pulse. “It frightened me, that’s all.”

“I’ll have to run it by our judges, but I’ll try to get you a dose of anxiolytic before we start. Don’t you even open your mouth,” she said, cutting Anne off before she could say anything. “This cannot be called normal anxiety considering your recent experiences, and it could mean the difference between being able to go through with this and just suffering all the collateral damage while not actually being far enough under to get anything done.”

“If it means only going through with this once, I’m all for it,” Kirk said. “Any chance you can triple that dosage?”

“Unfortunately, no,” Hayes said. “Truth serums don’t exist, or at least, not in the sense of being unable to lie. The drugs we have depend on both lowering inhibition, and creating fear. It’s a balancing act, and if she has too much of the anxiolytic, it could inhibit the effects of one or both of the other drugs.”

No wonder Anne had avoided the topic so thoroughly in conversation with him. She had to have known he’d hate that. “Can’t we just get a brain scan done and--”

“No,” Anne broke in, her voice as thin and sharp as a blade. As Kirk opened his mouth to question, she interrupted him again. “I don’t want my brain on file, not even with Starfleet. It’s not an option.”

Between the set of her mouth and her serious eyes, Kirk knew better than to question further-- at least not right now, anyway. “What happens if they don’t think you’re telling the truth?”

Claudia answered him instead. “The normal process is that they’ll go through it a few times, at incrementally increasing dosages. I’ve been lobbying to try to get them to settle for one or two passes. It averages four, though. Never more than six. After six, you run the risk of self-harm even in restraints, unrecoverable mental damage, and cardiac events.”

Now he understood. She’d tortured the other women. It probably seemed only fair. Before Kirk could decide whether to call her on it, Spock broke in. “May I remind you, Captain, that I will be immediately available throughout and if Anne is too strongly affected, I will do whatever is in my power to mitigate her distress.”

Kirk almost spoke, then did a double-take. Spock had used her first name. He glanced over at Uhura, who just shrugged. “Thank you, Mr. Spock,” Kirk said. It was almost enough to take the edge off what Hayes had said.

“I’ll be fine, mon étoile,” Anne said softly, shaking off Hayes’ hand and stepping back up against his side. “Whatever they do, it can’t possibly be as bad as what has already been done, and I’ve recovered well enough from that.”

McCoy snorted, but didn’t speak. The turbolift doors slid open and they filed out, following Hayes, who seemed to know where she was going. As they did, Kirk looked down at Anne. “Your accent says you aren’t as calm about it as you’d like to be,” Kirk said, pulling her close. Damn, it was weird having her so tall. Well, relatively speaking. Her eyes were about level with his chin.

“And the polite thing would have been to ignore that,” Anne said, regarding him with a small frown. Regardless, she pressed into him, her body taut against his.

Kirk slid his arm back around her waist. With those shoes on, she was just a bit too tall for his arm to rest easily across her shoulders. “Maybe we should just give Sulu our apologies now,” Kirk said, studying her face.

“No. At the very least, we can go and say hello while we pick up dinner. Ben promised he was going to make me chòudòufu.” At his questioning look, Anne grinned. “Well, it was really more of a threat. Stinky tofu.”

Kirk sighed. “This is restaurant humor, isn’t it? Like telling Scotty you ejected a warp core while running maintenance on the cylinders or something.”

“Yes, mon étoile. I would never surprise you with something that… particular. No natto, no durian, no chòudòufu… Well, maybe natto. If you can eat gagh, texture certainly isn’t an issue.”

“Should you ever decide to make chòudòufu, I would be interested to try it,” Spock said, and Kirk couldn’t tell whether he was serious or not. “I find many human dishes to be lacking in flavor, perhaps due to my biology.”

“There’s nothing markedly different about your sense of taste,” Hayes said. “You’re better at handling capsaicin because of your higher pain tolerance.”

“He’s just a closet gourmand,” McCoy grumbled. “Tries to explain away his daredevil tastes by blaming it on being Vulcan.”

“I apologize, Spock,” Anne said, looking genuinely sorry. “It takes several months to make properly. Ben doesn’t have any either-- I would know, because I would have smelled it in their apartment by now. Even air scrubbers can’t get rid of that smell. I very much doubt you can get it on Yorktown at all, and it’s an absolute certainty that it isn’t on the synth logs.” She paused, thinking.

“Oh no you don’t,” Kirk said. “If it’s that bad, the last thing I want is for people to be able to synthesize it on extremely lengthy deep space missions. That would be like weaponizing the synthesizer.”

“It occurs to me that it could be to our advantage to be able to synthesize a potentially objectionable form of human food, Captain. Most specifically in diplomatic capacities.”

Kirk was tempted for a moment, but eventually shook his head. “In this case, I think the cost would outweigh the benefits, Mr. Spock.”

“Here we are,” Hayes said, stopping at one of the nondescript doors lining the hallway. “Now, Captain, you’ll be allowed to sit nearby, but not within arm’s reach. Leonard and I will be right there, so you don’t need to worry. If anything starts to look odd to me, I’ll call a halt.”

“Have you ever sat in on something like this before?” Kirk asked.

Hayes nodded. “And worked with people who have been through it. That’s where I developed the technique I used with Anne, among others.”

That, at least, was comforting. Hayes had been a stroke of luck in so many different ways. Kirk knew he should have at least tried to appear professional, but letting Anne go before he had to was just not going to happen. They walked into the lab, the others following behind.

Padded restraints. Barbaric. The examination table looked like a relic from another century. Vice-Admiral Landau glanced up from his padd as they stepped into the room, his lips thinning in a humorless smile. Councilor V’nula and Councilor Andrews looked on impassively as he spoke. “Good. I was notified that there was some trouble at the entry, but you seem sound enough.”

Claudia immediately sailed into her request for something to calm Anne, pulling up research and specific chemical interactions to justify the use of an anxiolytic. As Landau listened, a skeptical look on his face, one of the nurses approached Anne. “This way, please,” she said, smiling reassuringly. When Kirk started to follow, however, she held up her hand. “Just Ms. Hardesty, I’m afraid. No one is to have physical access to Ms. Hardesty apart from medical personnel from our initial scans onward, otherwise our results could be deemed invalid.”

She meant the possibility that he might slip Anne something, a contact drug of some sort, that might alter her ability to deal with the drugs. That didn’t make it any less insulting. Still, he didn’t intend to sit through this more than once, so he didn’t put up a fuss. Anne hesitated, then turned back to him and hesitated again, glancing at Vice-Admiral Landau.

He couldn’t help a little pang of affection. She wanted a bit of comfort, but she wouldn’t make him look unprofessional in front of someone who technically outranked him. It was good that he didn’t give a fuck what Landau thought. Kirk pulled her into an embrace, kissing her forehead and murmuring softly, “You’ll be okay, tiger. We’ll make sure of it.” Even if he wasn’t entirely sure, he wasn’t about to undermine her confidence by saying so.

She held onto him for a few moments, then pulled away, immediately walking toward that barbaric examination table.

A lot of nothing interesting happened in the beginning. Most of it was just scans and calculations. Hayes seemed to find something odd, but she shrugged it off after talking to Bones. Kirk contacted Commodore Paris and formally requested a security detail for Loche’s trial, and she agreed. She also complimented him on his handling of the media; apparently the article had been well-received.

So much talk about that stupid article. Kirk borrowed Spock’s padd and read it through while waiting for something to happen. That reporter had gotten everything right, and the writing wasn’t half as bad as Anne had claimed. He didn’t remember talking much about how they’d become involved, though-- Anne must have said something about it to Felden. Again, they’d gotten everything right. That didn’t improve his opinion of that reporter though.

He was wondering what to do next when he saw Anne arranging herself into those restraints, and Hayes shooting her up with multiple drugs. Seemed like the circus was about to get started. Kirk gave back the borrowed padd and kept his attention on Anne. She looked miserable, of course. Who wouldn’t be miserable? The restraints automatically adjusted to her limbs, trapping her. Hayes must have won the argument about the anxiolytic, because Anne didn’t immediately try to get out of them. There was a bit of shuffling and rearranging of where people were standing, and then Vice-Admiral Landau spoke quietly. “For the record, we need you to state that you’re here of your own free will and that you have not been coerced or compelled to be subjected to this procedure.”

Anne frowned, but complied. “I’ve agreed to this procedure of my own free will. I have not been coerced or compelled.”

“Thank you,” Landau said. He nodded to the doctor. Hayes and McCoy were both scowling so hard at that doctor that Kirk wondered why he didn’t burst into flames. Instead, he tinkered with a few of the displays before pressing another hypospray against Anne’s neck. Immediately, he loaded it up with something else and dosed her again.

It was evident when the drugs kicked in. Anne’s breathing quickened, her hands clamping into fists. Councilor V’nula began the questioning with simple things like Anne’s name, date of birth, and place of residence to get a base reading from her. Anne answered quickly, as if she wanted all this to be over with, and Kirk agreed completely.

Councillor Andrews stepped in with the harder questions. Despite her stern look, Kirk knew that she was a bit sympathetic at heart. She was the best choice for some of the things that were asked. Anne answered with as much detachment as she could muster, but by this point she was almost panting with fear.

“When you threatened Meredith, did you have any idea that you were pushing her toward suicide?”

“Yes. That was what I was told to do. He made me memorize how to push her buttons. He told me to make her feel worthless.”

“And why did you comply?”

“Because he had just cut me up and I was afraid he would do it again. More than once he told me he wanted to cut my back and legs or my face the same way.”

“So you played the role of enforcer with his other captives.”

“Yes.”

“Did you enjoy hurting them?”

“I don’t know. I hated them for being weak. I wanted to be away from them. I wanted to be one of them. It looked easier.”

“Did you ever attack them on your own initiative?”

“Only Brynna.”

“Did you enjoy killing her?”

“No. No. I never want to think about it again. I wish I could forget it.”

How could this not be enough? Anne was clearly unwilling. Even if she had mixed feelings about the other captives, she was consistently horrified by the things she’d had to do. Kirk had heard some of them; others he’d guessed at, and still others were a surprise. Uhura looked sick hearing some of the things Anne had done. Spock betrayed no emotion whatsoever; he’d been in her head for some of these memories. Bones was just watching Anne thoughtfully, and Hayes was unmoved by the things Anne said. Of course, Anne must have discussed some or most of them with her.

As Andrews finished up, the doctor began fiddling with his displays again, then shot Anne up again. This time, the results were far more visible. Anne was actively struggling against the restraints, her breathing shallow and quick, her movements jerky with all the adrenaline that had just been dumped into her system.

And they asked her the questions over again, digging for more details this time. Kirk could see why it was done that way, but still, these memories had been part of why Anne was so traumatized. This basically amounted to a form of torture.

“When you cut off Heather’s fingers, what were you feeling?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t remember doing it. I don’t want to remember it… she was screaming.”

“Why did you cut them off one by one?”

“Loche. He made me. He told me.”

“Why did you obey him?”

Anne broke down crying, and Kirk felt sick watching it. He’d almost stood up, but a warning glance from Bones reminded him of the consequences. He gripped the arms of his seat and waited.

“I had to. I couldn’t-- I-- He made me. He hurt me if I didn’t obey.”

“Did you ever try to disobey?”

“Yes. Five times.”

“Why did you stop?”

“I tried to escape. I failed. He punished me.”

“How did he punish you?”

Instead of answering, Anne started to retch. Kirk heard a crack, and realized he’d gripped the arm of his chair hard enough to break the plastic. The doctor rushed up and shot her up with something, and the retching stopped.

“How did he punish you?”

“He-- He-- I-- Lauren. She died, he killed her. He killed her with my hands. He made me hold the knife. He cut, he made me cut her face, she was still alive. He held my hand and made me. After that… After that I couldn’t. He wanted to make me sick like him.”

By that point, Andrews and Landau both looked unsettled. Uhura looked as if she was about to cry. Spock was Spock, of course, and Bones still looked more thoughtful than anything else. Hayes was scowling again.

Landau, Andrews, and V’nula huddled for a conference, and a disagreement appeared to happen. Kirk couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he could see that V’nula was insisting on something, and Andrews and Landau were against it. He had the feeling this was about whether they would do a third pass or not. In the meantime, Anne was silently crying, swallowing hard but making no sound.

The argument continued for a while, but eventually they came to a decision. “We have no need of further investigation,” Landau said. “It is clear that Ms. Hardesty was coerced and in danger of losing her life.”

The doctor began to adjust the displays again. Kirk tried to bite back his anger. There was no need for this. Even if this was what Anne had chosen, Starfleet didn’t have to go along with it. They could have looked at the evidence. They could have used a mind meld. They could have brought a Betazoid in to listen to Anne and find out whether she was telling the truth. He was walking toward Anne before he realized it, but no one stopped him. Before anyone could do anything, he’d hit the release on the restraints. Bones stepped forward, reaching for one of the hypos on a nearby table, but all Anne did without the restraints was sit up on the table, curling her legs under her, and look up at Kirk.

“Do you hate me for what I did?” she asked, her eyes brimming with tears. “I know it’s the drugs but I’m so scared--”

He cut her off by pulling her into his arms. “No way. I get it. Let’s just get you the counteractives and then we’ll get out of here.”

Her whole body was trembling. Kirk snapped at the doctor, and he gave her a few shots with the hypo, after which she started to calm down. Spock and Uhura approached, and Anne smiled weakly at them.

“Would you like this memory or any other excised?” Spock asked.

Anne shook her head. “Thank you for making the offer. I’ll get over them the old-fashioned way.” She looked over at Claudia. “Provided you’re still available,” she said uncertainly.

“Of course I am,” Claudia said, her voice low and even. “Remember, Anne, we all knew your situation. Knowing the details isn’t comfortable for a friend, but it’s not like any of this was a surprise.”

Uhura stepped up, laying a hand on Anne’s shoulder. “We took them all down. Don’t forget that.”

Anne’s eyelids were starting to droop. “I know,” she said softly. “But some things you just can’t make up for.”

“It’s all right,” Kirk said. She looked exhausted, and no wonder. He glanced over at Vice-Admiral Landau, wondering if they were released to go. It wasn’t quite 1500 hours yet, but he wanted to get out of here. He wanted to get Anne out of here. Deciding he didn’t give a fuck, he asked, “Do you think you can make it to the car or do I need to carry you?”

That earned him a little smile. “I can walk. Probably.” Kirk moved out of the way and she slid off the table, a little wobbly in those spike heels but all right.

Bones shook his head. “I hope this decision was worth it for you,” he said, his voice curiously free of the disdain Kirk would have expected with a comment like that.

Anne rubbed the tears from her cheeks. “I do too.”

“I want to see you tomorrow,” Bones said. “There was an anomalous reading I want to check out.”

“I don’t know if… could you come to our place?” Anne asked, her voice tentative.

Bones smirked. “Better than having you wreck my equipment again.”

Not that he wanted to be impatient, but Kirk wanted to leave. It was over, she looked like she would recover, and they were expected at Sulu’s apartment before they could go home. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

Vice-Admiral Landau must have overheard him, because he approached Kirk and Anne. “I would very much have preferred that this went to trial, but I’m glad it’s over with and you’ve been found definitively, objectively innocent, ” he said. “I hope never to have to see you in a professional capacity again after Loche’s trial.”

Before Anne could answer, Kirk found himself speaking up. “This was unnecessary, sir. You could have received the same results by using a mind meld or calling in a Betazoid to read her responses.”

The Vice-Admiral shook his head, his eyes regretful. “If we used a sentient for this, it would be less objective. At best it would be filtered through someone else’s biases; at worst, subject to potentially relevant concerns about corruption or conspiracy. It needed to be absolutely unassailable to protect all parties’ rights. I’m afraid there was no better way in this case.”

Frowning, Kirk was about to make a sharp retort, but Anne spoke before he did. “I just want to go home, Jim,” she said softly, her eyes inexpressibly tired.

It was her exhaustion that stopped him. “You’re right. It’s not worth it now.” Kirk sighed and wrapped an arm around Anne’s waist. “Let’s go.” Kirk nodded to Landau. “Sir.” Without waiting for a response, Kirk headed off to the elevator with Anne at his side, making for the lower decks.

[scarfanon]

Etiquette for calling a customer service line

Let’s face it, there are a lot of products out there that don’t always work the way they’re supposed to.  So what do you do when this happens?  If you have two neurons to rub together to form a synapse, you read the labels and/or the use and care manual until you find a customer service number.  Now, it has become increasingly clear to me that many, many, MANY people out there don’t understand that there are rules and protocols that customer service reps are required to follow, so here’s a few handy tips to keep in mind:

1. Make sure you are actually standing beside the product that you need help with when you call.  We only know what you tell us, so we need you to be our eyes, ears, and most importantly, our hands when addressing the issue with the product in question.  If you’re running an errand and think for one second that we can do anything at all to help you when the product is at home, you’re going to have a really unpleasant time.  Don’t call us while you’re driving, unless it’s to ask how late we’re open, and please for the love of all that is decent, DON’T TRY TO RETURN THE PRODUCT WITHOUT CALLING US FIRST OR YOU WILL VOID YOUR WARRANTY.  Also, make sure you actually have time to stay on the phone and address the issue.

2. Do not just start rambling at the person you are speaking to.  There is always an order of operations that must be followed if they are to help you and more often than not, the person who picks up the phone is either not trained or not authorized to directly address the problem that you’re having, unless they tell you otherwise.  In most cases, the first person you speak to is only supposed to do two things: register a file in their computer system for the product in question (or otherwise access an existing file) and then transfer you to someone who can actually help you with the problem that you are having.  In addition, extraneous information can slow down the process, waste time for both parties, and cause additional problems, so listen carefully to the person that you speak to and they will tell you what information they need.  Once the unit is registered, the agent may then place you on hold and transfer you to the department that is trained to address the specific product you have and the specific problem that you are having with said product.  This is why you need to make sure you have time to actually stay on the phone, because they can only help you if you’re going to be available long enough for them to get the information they need.  If you require a representative who speaks a language other than English (usually Spanish, but the center where I work does also employ at least one French-speaking agent), please request to speak with a representative who speaks that language, as the agent may be able to immediately transfer you to someone who can communicate with you more easily.

3. Answer all of the questions that you are asked, and only those that you are asked, in the order that you are asked them.  yes, I briefly addressed this above, but it still bears repeating.  The data entry systems have variations from one company to the next, but more often than not, when the agent answers the phone, the only thing they have on the screen before them is a single textbox that will only accept one specific piece of information.  In addition, the systems are usually designed to access data from the top down, meaning that you MUST provide the information specifically requested before it will allow the agent to access anything else.  If they don’t ask you for a piece of information (such as the date of manufacture or who installed the unit), it’s more likely that the information is unnecessary than it is that they forgot to ask for it.  And if they ask you what room an appliance is installed in, it’s usually because certain models are only designed to be installed in certain locations, so please be specific.  And for pete’s sake, A HALLWAY IS NOT A ROOM; IF YOU MEAN CLOSET, JUST SAY CLOSET.

4. Read all information directly from the label on the product itself.  In many cases, the only place you will be able to find the information is on the product itself, and the agent with whom you are speaking will be able to direct you to its location.  This is why you must remain near the product for the duration of the call.  DO NOT WRITE IT DOWN OR READ FROM THE COPY THAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN.  100% of the time, one or more digits are omitted or miswritten and you will be asked to go back and check again, and the system will not accept the information unless every single digit is entered correctly.  This is not something that you can ballpark.  Every single specific individual digit of each number requested must be included, correct, and presented in full and in the right order.  This isn’t just limited to Serial and Model numbers.  Learn to distinguish between Q, O, 0, 8, B, U, 4, and A, the difference between G, 6, and 9, the difference between 5 and S, the difference between 1, 7, T, 2, and Z, and the difference between a dash/hyphen (-), an underscore (_), and a space ( ).  Yes, I have seen every single one of these digits mistaken for every single one of the others and getting even one digit wrong can mean the difference between getting the help that you need and wasting time.  And when providing these numbers PLEASE ONLY SAY ONE DIGIT AT A TIME.  You may see it as 217, but when we hear it, it comes across as 2 7 teen, and then we have to go back and correct it, which gets especially annoying when the text box that we’re entering it into has a character limit and has to be manually highlighted in order to correct the error, which causes us to fall further behind.  And don’t say “oh” when you mean “zero”, it doesn’t save any time.  Also bear in mind, if you have more than one unit, each unit must be registered under its own file so that they may be addressed individually; remember that the information for the product is saved under the serial number, NOT the owner’s name.  Also, if you need glasses to read small print, WEAR THEM.  I cannot begin to describe how many times I’ve asked a customer for their serial number and then had to wait several minutes for them to put their glasses on so that they can read it.  And when we ask you for your serial number, please don’t ask “are you ready?”  We were ready the moment we asked for it.

5. Yes, you do need to provide your personal information.  but usually only the first time you call.  It’s the only way they can link the product in question to the customer that owns it, and in most cases, the warranty will only pertain to the original registered owner of the unit.  In some instances, the database will be designed to allow for multiple contacts to be attached to the same file, but there will always be one primary homeowner that takes priority over the others, and so all information must be correct, especially with regards to sending parts or repair personnel under the warranty coverage.  In addition, when accessing an existing file, asking what name the file is registered under is the easiest way for the agent in question to determine that they have entered the serial number correctly, which means that telling them to write “john doe” will just make it impossible for them to find your information should you need to call back.  In addition, you must also provide the information requested of you in full.  This means that when you are asked for the owner’s name, you must provide both the FIRST AND LAST name.  When you are asked for a preferred phone number, YOU MUST PROVIDE THE AREA CODE FIRST, and when you are asked for the address, YOU MUST INCLUDE THE HOUSE NUMBER, STREET NAME, APARTMENT/TRAILER/LOT/SUITE NUMBER (if applicable), CITY, STATE, AND ZIP CODE (or province and postal code if you are calling from Canada), as the system will usually have a feature that it uses to validate the address for the purpose of sending parts or technicians to the correct location under the warranty, and if it does not recognize the address or the address is incomplete, it will not accept it.  In addition, for larger appliances, the warranty will only apply if they remain installed in their original installation location, so we need to know where that location is in order to cover the appliance.  And if they ask if your phone number is a home, work, or mobile, it’s usually because they’re selecting from a drop-down menu and can only select one option, so if you say “all of the above,” they will want to reach through the phone and swat you, and just because they ask this question doesn’t mean they are looking for a specific number (hence the use of the term “preferred phone number”).  “But I don’t want my information where some stranger can access it!” I hear you cry.  Tell me, How are you calling us right now?  and how did you obtain the means to do so in the first place?  How did you pay for it?  Chances are, the answers to all of these questions required you to offer your personal information to some party or other in the past, so I’m sorry to break it to you, but if you’ve ever used a cell phone, or the internet, or a credit card, or have a driver’s license, or any form of legal ID whatsoever, your information is already irretrievably out there and you have nothing to lose by providing it to the people who actually need it in order to help you.  You’ll be happy to know that in most cases where appliances are concerned, providing your email is optional, but if you don’t wish to provide your email or otherwise don’t have one, don’t be an ass about it, just say “no email”.  And if you do provide your email, here’s a couple of pet peeves I would like to address.  I have been on this earth for about as long as email has existed, and never in my entire life have I encountered an email program where the email address was case sensitive, nor have I encountered an email address that has spaces.  YOU DO NOT NEED TO TELL ME THAT IT IS ALL LOWER CASE AND YOU CERTAINLY DO NOT NEED TO TELL ME THAT THERE ARE NO SPACES OR THAT IT IS ALL ONE WORD, because it is my job to copy every single digit that you provide exactly as you provide it and I will read it back to you digit by digit to make sure I have it written correctly.

6. You must stay on the phone until we have finished all of our procedures.  Once the first agent has registered your unit, or confirmed that they’ve opened the correct file, they will likely transfer you to another department that has the training and authorization to directly address the problem that you are having.  DO NOT GET UPSET THAT YOU ARE BEING PUT ON HOLD.  This is a necessary evil, as the agent is required to wrap up the conversation in a hurry and move onto the next customer, and you need to speak to someone who can actually use the information that has been gathered to help you.  once put on hold, they will tell the system to transfer you to a particular line within the call center, at which point you will be added to the end of a queue.  If the agent says something to the degree of “Please stand by”, that is an indication that they need a minute or so to finish entering the information that you have provided, that they are waiting for the next page to load on their screen, or that they are about to send you to someone who can help, and are requesting that you patiently wait for them to request the next piece of information.  NOT AN INVITATION TO START TALKING OR YELLING AT THEM.  There will be times when the automated hold system will tell you that there are a number of callers ahead of you, or that you will have to wait a certain amount of time before an agent will be available to answer.  Whatever you do, DO NOT HANG UP THE PHONE AND CALL BACK HOPING TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE SOONER.  All that will accomplish is getting ahold of another registration agent, who will ask you for your serial number again, and will then transfer you back to the same queue, where you will now have to wait even longer because you gave up your place in line.

7. When providing information, SPEAK SLOWLY AND ENUNCIATE YOUR WORDS.  This is a huge pet peeve of mine.  If English is not your first language, then it’s understandable (also you speak my language MUCH better than I speak yours), but if you’re a native English speaker, you have no excuse.  Half the mistakes that are made are due to poor or miscommunication.  When I ask you a question, I expect to hear words, NOT A STRING OF GROANING NOISES.  If I can’t understand what you’re saying, I’m going to write the information wrong and then we’re going to have to waste even more time correcting the errors.  In addition, make sure you speak at an audible volume.  You don’t have to shout, but if you’re mumbling or speaking in a low tone, we will not be able to hear what you are saying.  And PLEASE keep your fingers away from the buttons and/or screen while you are on the phone; it’s going to make it that much more difficult if I keep hearing buttons being pressed every two seconds.  And for Pete’s sake, CHANGE THE BATTERIES IN YOUR SMOKE DETECTOR.  I swear, every third call I hear that infernal beeping in the background.

8. Yes, you must troubleshoot the product.  Regardless of your preconceived notions of how a particular product works, or what the problem is, or what you want done to resolve the issue, we still need to know the exact nature of the situation before we can take any actions to resolve it; the most fundamental of which is to walk the customer through a step-by-step diagnostic and troubleshooting procedure over the phone.  The purpose of troubleshooting the unit is to determine the nature, source, and severity of the problem through process of elimination by observing the symptoms that it exhibits under different circumstances.  You may think you know what’s wrong and what needs to be done, but there will ALWAYS be something that you missed or otherwise didn’t think to look for.  Plus, as mentioned above, we cannot see what is happening on the other side of the phone, so we need you to be our eyes, ears, and hands and follow our instructions, many of which are time sensitive once we begin.  Always listen to the precise wording of each instruction you are given and each question that we ask, as if a step is performed incorrectly, it can give inaccurate information or force us to start over.  It may seem intimidating if you’ve never done it yourself before, but it’s necessary for you to help us help you resolve your problem.  And no, we will not ask you to do anything that will endanger your health or safety; for any problem where that would be an issue, you will likely be instructed to hire a professional to do the work for you (assuming that one isn’t already being requested under your labor coverage, if applicable).  In most cases, the steps are simple enough, and the agent’s instructions easy enough to follow, that even a child could accomplish them.  “But I just have a simple question!” I hear you cry.  No, no you don’t.  It’s never simple and it’s never just one question.

9. Sometimes you just have to wait.  It is inevitable that a problem will sometimes require that a part be replaced or that a licensed professional be sent to diagnose, repair, or replace the appliance in question.  But understand that we will never be able to get them to you the same day that you call.  In the case of the parts, the reason for this should be obvious, but in the case of the technicians, there is some explanation required.  You see, while there may be some companies out there that have their own field technicians on their payroll that can be sent out at a moments notice, said companies are increasingly few and far between, and most of the time they prefer to cut corners in the interest of spending less money, and the easiest way to do that is to outsource to independent businesses.  Typically the situation is as follows: The parent company manufactures the product, which is then sold to an independent vendor, who then sells the product to the customer at locations of the vendor’s choosing, with little to no input from the manufacturer.  The manufacturer themselves will then sign on various independent contractors and business owners to take warranty jobs in the contractors’ own service radius if a customer should need a technician to help them with their unit under their labor coverage.  Because the units are sold to the customer by the vendor, whose distribution is not controlled by the manufacturer, there is usually little to no correlation between where the products are sold and whether there are technicians under contract with the manufacturer within the same area, so even though a product is sold in a particular location, the manufacturer may not be able to send a technician, simply due to not having anybody under contract that services that zip code, or otherwise not being able to reach or send the ones that do, due to various circumstances (eg outside their normal service radius, too many customers on their plate at the time, or just plain not answering their phone).  In most cases when something like that happens, the company will offer the customer the means to hire their own technician and then submit for reimbursement for the service fee.  From what I’ve gathered, most companies that have a need for field technicians function this way, for better or for worse, simply because it’s cheaper and easier for the company to contract independent businesses than it is to employ personnel for a division that only sees occasional use.  Why am I telling you this?  Because I’m tired of customers acting like it’s our fault that the technician never showed up, or that there wasn’t one available for us to send in the first place.  Our influence only extends so far, and while they may be under contract with us, we don’t own them, and so have zero influence on when or where they are available.  Yes you should call us back if there is a problem with the technician, but also understand that simply sending a technician in the first place means that there are now three separate parties involved in the situation, two of whom are separate businesses.  And this should be a no-brainer, but when the technician does show up, please please PLEASE have the technician call the manufacturer while they are in front of the machine so that we can walk them through our troubleshooting steps and ask them what they find.  Telling us “they already left and they said xyz” is not at all helpful to us, because how do we know you didn’t cancel the technician and just make that up on the fly to get a quick fix?  How do we know the technician actually said that?  How did they come to that conclusion in the first place?  What did they do?  What did they see?  This of course is to prevent people from just calling and asking for free parts or replacing the device for something as simple as not understanding how it functions.  Our job is not to give you what you want.  Our job is to solve the problem with the unit.

10. All of our calls are recorded.  This is something that a lot of customers seem to not realize, even though the recorded message that they hear while on hold explicitly tells them as much (it also explicitly tells them to have their serial number ready, WHICH THEY NEVER DO).  So if you say something off-color that makes the agent uncomfortable, or if you threaten the customer, their employer, or the parent company in any way, THAT SHIT GETS RECORDED AND CAN BE PRESENTED IN A COURT OF LAW.  It also means that you can’t say one thing and then deny it later in the call, because guess what?  We have a recording of you saying the thing that you said, which means you can’t take it back or say that you were lying earlier and that your new story is the truth, because how can we trust that you’re telling the truth now if you didn’t tell us the truth to begin with?  This is a major pet peeve of mine.  I’ll get a customer who says their unit is having a problem whose nature or circumstances are not covered by the warranty, and then when I tell them as much, they’ll suddenly change their story, thinking they can talk us into giving them what they want.  Sorry, but that ain’t happening.  We already have you on record as saying A, so if you think you can talk us into believing B, you’re wasting your breath.  This is also why it’s important that you give us the CORRECT information the first time we ask for it, because if you feed us false information and then call back later and say that it’s actually something different, we will call you out on that shit.

11. Nobody manually answers phones anymore.  Every time someone complains to me about how long it took me to pick up the phone, I want to reach through the line and slap them.  All call centers have an automated system that directs the call to the first available agent’s computer.  That computer will then answer the call automatically and let the agent know through their headset that the call is coming in and which queue it is coming from, usually about two seconds before the line connects.  The agents have zero influence over how quickly your call is answered, because that part of the process is entirely automated.  If it does take a long time for your call to reach an agent, it’s usually due to one of two things: they are either experiencing a higher call volume than normal, which means there are more customers ahead of you in the queue, or they are understaffed, meaning that there are fewer people available to take the calls in the first place.  Either way, as soon as one call ends, another usually connects, and rarely does it take longer than a few seconds for an agent to receive their next call.

Here’s a short glossary of terms to keep in mind when calling:

Unit: the individual product that you are addressing

Model: the type of product under which the unit is categorized

Part: a specific component of the unit which may be replaceable.

Serial Number: a sequence of digits (often both numbers and letters) that identify the specific individual unit that you are working with.  Every unit of every product ever manufactured has a unique serial number that is not shared with any other unit of that product, and so this is the number that the call center agent uses to identify which file to open, and the first thing they ask for when creating a new file.  ALL OTHER INFORMATION IS SAVED UNDER THE SERIAL NUMBER.  Just because you have provided all of your information during a previous call does not mean they will instantaneously have your information in front of them the next time you call; the registration personnel alone receive a bare minimum of about 84 calls per day, rarely from the same person twice, and do not know you from a hole in the wall, so you must provide the serial number again in order for them to access the file for your unit.  And please please PLEASE make sure the serial number you provide pertains to the unit that you actually need help with, because as mentioned above, each individual unit must be registered under its own separate file, and the serial number for a replacement unit will not allow us to access the information for the previous unit, regardless of whether they have the same owner’s info attached to them.

Model Number: a sequence of digits (again usually consisting of both numbers and letters) that identify the type of product that you are working with.  Unlike the serial number, which is unique to the individual, the model number is shared among all units in a specific production line.  More often than not, the model number will tell the agent various other pieces of information about the unit as well, so that they do not need to ask you for as many details about the product (such as the warranty, size, capacity, etc), which means fewer questions for them to ask.  The model number will usually only be requested the first time you are calling about a particular unit, and only after the serial number has been provided.  Usually the model number pops up on their screen automatically with the touch of a button, but the agent will ask you to read the number anyway in order to confirm that it matches the one that is attached to the serial number that you have provided.  If it doesn’t match, you will be asked to provide the Serial number again, ad nauseum, until it does match.  WE CANNOT USE THE MODEL NUMBER TO PULL UP YOUR FILE BECAUSE MORE THAN ONE UNIT HAS THAT MODEL NUMBER.

Part Number: a sequence of digits (again, usually consisting of both letters and numbers that identify to a specific part of the product that you are working with.  Similar to a model number, a part number is shared among all individual units of that specific part, but does not say much about the unit as a whole, as multiple models may utilize the same parts.  Many appliances are designed to be repaired on the spot, hence the need for part numbers, but if you think we’ll be able to tell which unit you have just from the part number, you are sorely mistaken.  More often than not, agents higher up the chain will be able to access a list of all part numbers pertaining to your unit once they have access to your file, so this number is almost never necessary to provide.  NO, WE CANNOT JUST SEND YOU A PART BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PART NUMBER WITH YOU.  First off, it may not even be the correct part for that unit, and second we still need to know what the actual problem is before we can determine if you even need that part in the first place.

SKU Number: a sequence of digits (usually just numbers, but may occasionally include letters) that the vendor (read: the store where you bought the damn thing) uses to identify the individual product in their database.  This number is completely useless to the call center agent and will never be requested over the phone.

Troubleshooting/warranty department: usually used interchangeably, as the person troubleshooting the unit over the phone is required to recognize what is covered under the warranty and what is not.  Either way, they are the ones you want to speak to after the unit has been registered, and if they aren’t, they can usually direct you to the ones that are.

Parts department: this department process part orders, both in and out of warranty, but will only speak to a customer directly if the customer wishes to purchase a part out of warranty.  If the customer wishes for the part to be sent under their warranty coverage, they need to speak to the person troubleshooting the unit.

Contractors department: This is the department you want to speak to if there is a problem involving a field technician, whether it’s having trouble finding one in the first place, or having problems with one that has been dispatched to the location of the appliance.

Billing department: this is the department responsible for processing your reimbursements.  if a reimbursement is necessary, the customer will usually be given specific instructions on what information to send and where to send it.  most such info is sent electronically these days, so you will likely not be able to send it via physical mail.  Also bear in mind, WE ARE NOT STUPID.  If you think you can send us a hastily written MS Office document or handwritten “invoice” and that we’ll give you free money, you will instead receive a templated email and/or letter explaining that your document is invalid and cannot be used.  I worked in my company’s voucher department for a time and nothing would bring me more joy than going into miniscule detail in my reply to a fraudulent customer’s email about why their documentation was invalid.

Claims department: This department handles any cases where the customer is seeking reparation for damages caused by the product in question, but you usually won’t get to speak to them until after the unit has been registered and diagnosed.  In addition, any cases where a claim has to be filed will require that the appliance remain in its installation location pending further investigation.

Supervisor/Manager: Most of the lower departments are required to strictly adhere to the rules that they have been instructed to follow, else they get in trouble and are required to correct their indiscretion, usually by calling the customer back and explaining that whatever we promised is not actually going to happen and that we need to go through all the steps properly before we can provide anything (this is referred to as a rework).  Only the supervisor or manager has the leverage to bend the rules and give you something that we otherwise would not, though they are also required to work within certain limitations.  Bear in mind however that they can only help you if you’ve already tried to cooperate with the lower departments and if you think you can just bypass the process by immediately asking to speak to a supervisor and demanding things from them, you will learn very quickly that they have the authority tell you where you can stick it.

I think that about sums it up.  Just try to be polite and cooperative to the person you’re talking to and they’ll do their best to help you out.

[mynameislangdon-blog]

If You’re Still Breathing

This story involves Michael, Mutt, Jeff, a main original character and some minor original background people. It attempts to fill in some of what happened between the Apocalypse and Michael’s arrival at Outpost 3. I’m a fan of being inspired by music, so each chapter (and IYSB) are named based on what I was listening to when I wrote it. There is also smut, but it’s pretty soft, I think. This is not complete, needing at least 2 more unwritten chapters to resolve the story.

Characters: Michael Langdon, Mutt Nutter, Jeff Pfister, mention of Ms. Mead. Original main character because I don’t like first-person. Tag requests: @thelangdoncooperative , @ccodyfern

Word count: 5,073

Chapters 1-4 Warnings: some sexual content, blood, gore, death. Chapter 1: “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid”  Outpost 2 was easily the largest, most technologically advanced of the bunch. The inhabitants wanted for nothing. Expanded from the historic Greenbrier Bunker in White Sulphur Springs, Outpost 2 had private rooms for 25, and dorm rooms for another 50. There were two 250,000-gallon water tanks, and 2 50,000-gallon diesel fuel tanks. All ventilation had radioactive particle filters and clean air circulators, plus there was water filtration, bunker to surface vault doors that needed 50 pounds of pressure just to unlock, and even recording and broadcasting equipment. The upgrades from the 60’s included hydroponic agriculture & livestock annexes, solar power, hydroelectric power, an armory, and for some reason a bowling alley. You name it and they had it. Unfortunately, it had a little too much of some things. And by things, I mean people. And by people, I mean two individuals in particular. Mutt Nutter and Jeff Pfister. They were the outpost designers, and they never let any of the inhabitants forget that they were alive because of them. “You want me to what?! Check the irrigation drains under the northwest crops? I don’t need to do anything; those fucking freeloaders can do it. I already saved humanity once!” They weren’t any better with each other. “You see this coffee, asshole? Tanzanian Golden Black Sky Desert Roast! If it wasn’t for me, you’d be eating nutrient cubes back in California!” “You’re the one who fucked up and put us here after I SPECIFICALLY said to put us in the Bahamas! I should be balls deep in Jennifer Lawrence right now, but instead we’re trapped with these fucking gremlins!” And that was just banter over breakfast. The others chalked it up to the price for surviving in splendor, and left them to their drugs and robots. The Outpost was light on entertainment personalities, but heavy on scientists, politicians and inventors. Many of the people who were meant to be there hadn’t made it, but certain people, mostly Cooperative members, had been given a heads up, and were already underground when the bombs hit. Grace had been one of the first people to arrive, but she wasn’t in the Cooperative or a billionaire. She was just a special education therapist who’d moved to White Sulphur Springs from California 3 years ago.   *********

There at the base of the stairs, Grace smiled. “I thought it had to be you. You sent me the card with the Cooperative ID, didn’t you?” “I did. I wish I could have collected you myself.” “But why?” “I needed you. There wasn’t time then, but there is now.” Grace watched his eyes. The bright blue she’d grown so accustomed to now looked like moonlight on an ocean. “What’s happened to you? Are you okay? Where’s Ms. Mead? Did she… oh no. She didn’t make it did she?” “No.” He stared straight ahead, pretending he didn’t feel; a move she’d seen before when he was trying to not cry. A tear slipped out and she watched it roll down his newly chiseled features. She reached out her hand to wipe it away then stopped. He had never liked surprise touching.  In a soft voice she said, “I’m sorry, I forgot to ask first. I won’t touch you without your permission again, I promise.” But he wasn’t the same boy next door she remembered that was full of anger, swinging from sweet to vicious with no warning. Surprisingly, he stepped closer and enveloped her in his arms. Suddenly buried in his cloak, she relished the embrace. It felt good to be held, and it felt good to know that Michael had become more comfortable with touching. There, in the folds of his cape, she breathed him in, inhaling the scent of burnt wood mixed with something metallic. Electric. Grace realized he smelled like a battery tasted. She had to fight the urge to lick him to see if her tongue tingled. Instead, she laid her cheek on his chest and sank into the hug. Then her former boy next door leaned in and whispered, “But you want to touch me, don’t you?” His lips brushed against her ear and she reeled, feeling like she’d just been sucker punched in the libido. She didn’t know what had come over her, but she could barely restrain herself from grabbing at him, pushing him to the floor, wrapping herself around him and eating him alive. Her hands tightened on him for a moment, threatening to tear his skin right through his clothes. Then she forcefully pushed him away, succeeding only in pushing herself back against the stairs.   What was happening here? Grace thought she might faint from her sudden need for him, but he simply stood and observed her. It was clear that he was relishing the sight of her feeling so many things at once, her former role of protector wrestling with her baser instincts. She was literally clinging to the banister for support when he ran the tip of his tongue over the edge of his upper lip. With the cool nonchalance of tossing a valet the car keys, he cocked an eyebrow and said, “You have my permission”, then turned and walked into the conference room.

Shocked, she ran scurrying down the hall like a mouse chased by a cat. She could almost hear Michael’s laughter following her. Once she had reached her room and locked the door behind her, she collapsed on the bed and whispered to herself, “What the fucking fuck was that?!!” She replayed the reunion in her mind. Instead of finding answers, she found herself reliving the moment his lips touched her ear, over and over again. 

Without even realizing it, she had pulled up her dress and begun touching herself. Her body ached for more, and Grace obliged, putting one, then two fingers inside herself, thrusting and rubbing, involuntarily moaning, “Oh yes, please, please, more!” Her hips squirmed, and the memory of Michael sent a spasm through her, pushing her over the edge into climax. Unaware of anything existing but Michael’s touch, she cried out with pleasure and release. “Oh! Oh fuck! Oh my god! yes! Yes! OH FUCK YES!!!!” She brought herself to orgasm over and over again until she lay on her bed drained, unable to move, aftershocks of pleasure still rolling through her in waves as she fell asleep on her bed, half undressed and limp like a doll.

******

The meeting with Mutt and Jeff was predictable. Them being overly solicitous to Michael with just enough questioning and doubt to show they still thought they knew better. This had been coming for a while.

“So, what’s going on out there, dude?”

“Most people are dead, the ones that aren’t are mutating and dying. Outpost One has been overrun and destroyed.”

“What?! No way, man. New York had a great defense system. Almost as good as this one!”

“Apparently not good enough.”

“Shit. So, what do we need to do to keep it from happening here?”

“There’s nothing you can do except… are you prepared to fight?”

Jeff started making Pew! Pew! Blam! noises and pulled a gun out of his waistband. “Oh, we’re ready. POW!”

Michael looked at Mutt. “I need to report back to the rest of the Cooperative of course. Why don’t you show me around so I can get an idea of where we stand supply-wise?”

Clearly uncomfortable, he said, “Oh, sure. But, uh maybe we should stay here, make sure everything’s ready for your dinner.”

Jeff chimed in, “We’re doing a special dinner to celebrate your arrival, man. Like, top of the line.”

Michael observed them both, having expected nothing less than avoidance. “M-mm, I see. Of course. Shall I just, wander about on my own then? See what I can find?”

Jeff gave a panicked, “No!” then added, “What I mean is, you wouldn’t want to miss anything important. You should totally have a guide. You want your special friend to take you around?” He exchanged a knowing look with Mutt.

Michael’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“You know, the nobody who you put in here with us, the one with no money or special talents who had a priority entry clearance? Come on, dude. We’re not stupid. Obviously, she’s somebody special to you. I didn’t even know the Son of Satan could have personal attachments. Beyond the Battlea…. Ms. Mead, I mean. So, what’s the deal, you two getting it on? Did you save her to be like, your post-apocalyptic sex slave, or what?” Michael’s eyes grew black, and the lights flickered. “That’s not your concern.”

Mutt looked around nervously. “Okay, we were just curious. So, you don’t want her to show you around? We can find…”

“It will be fine.”

“Yeah, okay. We’ve got some... stuff to take care of.” Before Michael could even leave the room, the boys made a beeline for the drink cabinet, and opened it to reveal a giant crystal skull half full of cocaine, several syringes, and the bar sink full of robotic arms clutching bottles of alcohol. As the door shut behind him, Michael heard a gunshot and a round of hysterical giggling. He put his hand over his face and sighed.

****************

Chapter 2: "The Distance”

The intercom in Grace’s room buzzed, startling her from her unplanned nap. Once she got her bearings, she went over to the speaker. “This is Grace, what is it?”

“Got a job for you, sweetheart.” Ugh, it was Jeff. Grace rolled her eyes at the intercom and prayed it wouldn’t be something humiliating.“What kind of job?”

“Langdon wants a tour of the bunker.”

The butterflies started in her stomach, and lower down her parts clenched in an agonizing ache. “Can’t Josie or Henry do that? I’m kind of busy right now.”

Mutt chimed in, “Nope. It’s gotta be you babe. Try not to have too much fun. We need him back for the big dinner at 6.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. He just left the conference room so get your ass up here pronto.” Grace hurriedly changed out of the rest of her clothes and into jeans, a t-shirt, and work boots. A full tour would include the livestock pens, and she didn’t want to look seductive anyway. She grabbed a hair tie on her way out the door and pulled her hair into a ponytail as she hurried down the hall. She rehearsed in her head giving a firm “no” if he tried touching or whispering to her again. But she also couldn’t help imagining what could happen if she didn’t.

As she rounded the corner, she saw Michael once again standing at the bottom of the steps, writing something in a small black notebook. Not knowing what to expect, nervous with anticipation, she walked up to him and tried a casual, “Hi.” Her voice came out hoarse and she began to cough. She thought back to all the screaming she’d been doing recently and grew warm with the thought. She hoped she wasn’t blushing.  

“Sorry about that. Air gets pretty dry in here.”

Michael tucked the notebook into his jacket, then looked at her coolly. “Please lead on. We have a lot to see.”

“Okay, well you’ve seen the decontamination entrance and the overview/conference room, so let’s go down to the big stuff at the back.” As they walked down the corridor, Grace kept talking. She told herself it was because he would want to know as much as possible but truthfully, she was just trying to avoid thinking about what happened earlier. Michael either didn’t notice or chose to ignore her, as his only contribution to her running dialogue was the occasional, “Interesting.”

She pushed open a set of glass double doors. “This is the ER.” They walked past hospital beds and Michael peered into one of the operating rooms. There was everything a regular operating room would have: bone saws, ventilators, shock paddles, EKG machine, IV drips, and so on. “You’re quite prepared.”

“Mostly. And here’s the pharmacy. We have everything one needs for typical stuff, we even have a setup for chemo. But they went heavy on the painkillers and didn’t stock a lot of long-term meds, which I think was a mistake.”

They took a walk through the pharmacy rows, and as Grace talked, Michael would occasionally pick up a bottle or package. “If you have questions about any of these, we’ve got a basic guide and I still remember a lot from school so you can always ask.”

“These aren’t locked up? Anyone can access them?”

They’re unlocked now because I’m showing it to you. There’s a code on the room and on the shelves, plus the cameras are simply everywhere.” She pointed up and waved to the camera. “Josh is probably on camera duty tonight. Hi Josh!”

Michael glared at the camera, and in the observation room, Josh grabbed his heart and collapsed to the floor.

They left the medical area and walked down to the power room. Keying in another code, Grace opened the heavy door and they were greeted with a wall of noise. “They’re pretty loud. Sorry.” She flipped a few switches and the actual size of the room became apparent. “These are the diesel generators and tanks. We actually don’t use them much since gas is a finite resource, but the sky isn’t very bright some days thanks to the fallout, so… yeah. See these two tanks with the staircases attached? That’s all of our fuel.”

“And how full are they now?”

“What?”

He leaned in closer. “How full are they now?!”

“One hasn’t been touched at all, and the other has...” She walked over to the tanks. “This one’s at 89%.”

“And where’s your water source?”

“Oh, most of that is filtered and recycled. This was a great place to build a bunker because there’s also a naturally occurring deep spring underneath. The radiation levels for that are still holding, but we predict they’ll eventually succumb to runoff from the surface. The good news is even contaminated water can run a hydroelectric generator in a pinch.”

“You know a lot about this. Special interest?” Grace raised an eyebrow and smirked, “You mean survival? Yeah, I’m pretty interested in that. It’s in the best interest of the group that we all know as much as possible. We’ve got experts in certain areas, like the two chuckleheads and their robotics…”

“You mean Nutter and Pfister?”

“Oh, no offense, I know you three work pretty closely.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well… you saw them alone in the conference room, and they talk all the time about how they’re very influential with the Cooperative leader. That’s you, right? The leader? What’s the deal with The Cooperative? What’s the common goal?”

Michael hesitated, trying to avoid the topic

“Look, if you can’t talk about it, I understand, but how did that happen? Leading the Cooperative is a long way from lessons in my basement. I’m glad for you, I always knew you were too strong willed to let anything hold you back but…”

Michael rushed in and closed the gap between them pinning her against the tank. “You have no idea.” Then he kissed her, roughly. His lips mashed up against hers and she never even had a choice. She opened her mouth to him, nipping at his bottom lip, hungry and uncontrolled. His tongue slipped inside her mouth and they fought, her need matched by his hunger. Her hands ran through his long golden curls, grasping and tugging, trying to bring him closer. The kiss broke, and she sighed as he bent down to kiss her neck, licking and biting his way from her collarbone to her ear and back again. His hands roamed over her body, her skin burned hot wherever he touched her. It was too much for Grace, and she had to cry out, “Stop!, I can’t! I... Please, it’s too much!” Tears leaked from her eyes, not because she was in pain, but because she’d never wanted something so much in her life and for some reason, she couldn’t just let it happen.

Michael looked at her, glassy eyed and drunk on her need. He watched her hands opening and closing, grasping at the air instead of him. She wanted this. She needed this. This was rich, thick desire that he could taste and hear and smell and feel. The tension between them made the air shimmer with heat. Like magnets, they could only get so close to each other before they touched out of sheer force. He experimented, raising his hand to her waist and bringing it closer and closer until he felt the pull, breaking free only to do it again. She held her breath, afraid of what she might do if he touched her again.

A door alarm blared at the end of the hall, breaking the spell. Michael clenched his fist, ready to set ablaze the person who interrupted them, but remembered where he was and restrained himself to avoid an incident. Surprisingly, it was Grace who composed herself first and suggested, “Shall we move on?”

They walked through the kitchen, avoiding the hot pans and sharp knives, chopping and slicing, sizzling and flashing. The kitchen crew couldn’t help but stare as Michael strolled through with his blonde shoulder-length hair and elegant black clothes, nodding approvingly at one thing or another. He dipped his finger into the creamy mushroom soup and tasted it, saying simply, “Not bad”, giving a rare glimpse of his full-wattage smile. With that, he could have stabbed every member of the crew with their own knives and they would have thanked him for the privilege of dying by his hand. Grace was impressed. He had come a very long way.

She chimed in to say, “Almost everything you’ll have tonight was grown right here. The animals aren’t ready for breeding, but when they are, we’ll have fresh meat as well.”

“What kinds of animals do you have now?”

“Oh, you know, chickens, a cow and a steer, a pair of pigs… It’s like Noah’s Ark down there. But not all the animals are for eating. Come on, I’ll show you.” They walked through the green mist of the hydroponic vegetables and herbs, past the fruit trees in pots, past the composting, and entered the husbandry through an honest to god split-rail fence.

The animals came crowding around and at first Grace thought it was for her, but then she realized that they had all gone to Michael instead. And the oddest part was that they weren’t crowding him, they all just… sat there, as if in a trance. “Like they’re asking to be spared” ran through her mind. What a strange idea.

“You’ve got a way with animals.”

He looked a little uncomfortable. “Not really, I think they’re just interested in me because I’m new.”

“That must be it.” Grace knew better, but if Michael didn’t want to talk about this particular weirdness, that was okay. “But you haven’t seen the best part.”

“Am I going to have to walk through more mud?” His fancy Louboutin boots were looking quite muddy.

“Mud, no. Dirt, probably.”

Michael seemed to stop and consider his options. He sighed, “Fine.”

She led him around the side of the enclosure and whistled. Two beautiful black horses came trotting up. “Aren’t they amazing? Do you want to feed them?”

“Why?”

“Why? Because it will make them happy.” Michael seemed a little confused by the idea of making an animal happy, but took the shiny red apples that Grace gave him and held one in each hand for the two beauties. They gently nuzzled his hands and then methodically chomped away on them until there was nothing left. “Huh.”

“Good babies”, cooed Grace. And to Michael, “You see? That wasn’t so bad. Oh!” She suddenly beamed. “I forgot, check this out!” She led Michael into the enclosure and waved her hands dramatically. “Ta-da!” There stood a black carriage, like the ones you’d see in old movies. His eyebrows raised in quiet approval. Wooden wheels, curtains on the windows. He peeked inside. Leather seats, too. “What’s this for?”

“Well, Henry’s logic was that if the day came where we needed to venture out for supplies, that having a carriage would make much more sense than a car because we wouldn’t need to carry gas for it or rely on finding any later. If the horses can eat what we eat…” She was interrupted by an announcement blaring from the speaker in the ceiling. It was fucking Jeff again.

“Ladies and gentlemen! The time is now 5:00 and in an hour we will be having a celebratory feast in honor of Mr. Langdon. Please make sure you are tastefully attired and on time! Over and out!”

Grace and Michael shared a look.

“I guess the tour’s over.”

“We’ll finish it later.”

**********

Chapter 3: “Belief In God Is So Adorable”

The dinner was unnecessary, but Michael had learned that these kinds of things were easier to get through than call off. And besides, it would give him a chance to try an experiment. He looked around the table at the scientists, intellectuals and politicians and military men. He stood and raised his glass in a toast. “Fellow Cooperative members, as you may have heard, Outpost One is gone.” People nodded their heads and tried to look broken up about it. “But let us not ignore the fact that we are still here.” More thoughtful nodding. “I would like to raise my glass to Outpost two, and your efficient and sustainable colony.” Mutt and Jeff let out a “Yeah! Damn right!” and stood up to chest bump each other. Then they stepped away from the table to do a few lines and argue about which bottle of wine to open. Everyone else applauded politely, raised their glasses in return and drank. Individual bowls of soup were being placed before each person. “What do we have here?” asked Michael. The person serving said, “Mushroom soup, sir. Made from mushrooms grown right here. And fresh cream, too.” “Well, it looks delicious.” He winked at the server, who from that moment on would have gladly cut his own eyes out with rusty razor wire then sautéed them with rosemary and eaten them if Michael had asked him to. Michael dipped his spoon into the bowl and brought it to his lips then stopped, putting his spoon down and simply sitting while he watched the guests eat every last spoonful while they talked about some garden pests or fortifying a support girder or something else equally pointless. Michael frowned. It hadn’t worked. He wondered if it was a dosage problem or if it was the rate the pills dissolved in hot soup. But then, Henry started to drift. He looked so tired. Then Josie, then Doris too. They could barely hold their heads up. The three senators soon followed suit, then the General. The other diners were slumping in their seats and Michael began to smile. “Good to know”, he whispered to himself. Mutt and Jeff continued to argue in the corner, oblivious to anyone else’s condition. Michael sighed internally. No one appreciated subtlety anymore. Once everyone had succumbed and was face down in their soup or puddled on the floor, Michael stood up. “Gentlemen, since our companions seem to resting, I wonder if you could help me with something.” “Yeah, sure. Whoa, what happened? Are they going to be okay?” “Oh, yes. They’ll be fine. Just… napping. I still need a tour of the armory and I wanted you two to take me since I know it’s your area of…” Michael hesitated, barely able to say the word, “…expertise.” “What? Oh dude! Absolutely! Let’s go!”Jeff whooped and hollered the whole way there, Mutt egging him on. They unlocked the shooting range and took Michael to the armory. “We’ve got everything you need, man.” “I don’t need anything, I just need to know what you have.” “Oh. Well, you mind if we shoot off a few rounds first?” Michael waved his hand at them, “Of course.” He sat back in a green plastic chair, putting his feet up on the rail. He knew what was coming. “So, uh, let’s just do a few lines first, ok?” They opened up yet another unimaginative cocaine stash inside a target dummy then laid out a pile and bulldozed their faces through it. As they brought their heads up, they realized something was off. Weird. “Dude, you feel that?” “Like, that buzzing? What the fuck is that? OW!” Blood began to run out of Jeff’s nose. He turned to look at Mutt, who had sunk to the floor holding his head in his hands. He turned to Michael and yelled, “What is happening?!” Michael gave the most sardonic of smiles and said, “Oh, it’s quite simple really. My father has revoked your privileges.” Jeff’s eyes bugged in disbelief. He screamed hysterically, “What do you mean fucking revoked? We paid our dues man! We sold our souls!” Behind him Mutt began to rhythmically beat his head on the floor. “Yes, you did. But you haven’t exactly upheld your end of things, have you? Did you think I wouldn’t know?” “Auuugh! Fuck!” The nosebleed was hemorrhaging, leaving Jeff soaked in his own blood, woozy and thick-headed. “Wouldn’t know what?!?!! We gave you the apocalypse, dude!” Michael stood up, clasping his hands behind his back and cocking his head to one side. Speaking in a voice that was all gravel and bitterness he said, “You lied to me. You tried to manipulate me.” Jeff fell to the floor next to Mutt, trying to stand but slipping in the blood that was spreading around them. Michael continued, “You programmed Ms. Mead to say what you wanted to say. You used her. You took away her memories and gave her ones that you liked better. You changed her. And in doing so you worked against me.” He slowly walked his way over to the miserable pair. “You.” He looked at Mutt, who had slammed his head into the floor so many times that his eyes had rolled back into his head and pieces of his brain were flapping idly at the edges of his skull. He stepped closer, hand clenched. “Used.” He watched Jeff try to hold his head up, blood now flowing from his ears, eyes, and skin. He stepped closer, clenching the other hand. “Me!” He threw his hands open and they held roaring fire, flames licking and jumping in anticipation. “And my...” His face went ghostly white, black holes where his features should be. His voice boomed so powerful and angry it could have toppled mountains. “…MS. MEAD!!!” The flames shot to the ceiling and curved back down, igniting Mutt and Jeff. They wailed and screamed, slowly and painfully burning to a blackened crisp. Michael snapped his hands shut and stood stone faced, watching the ashes swirl across the floor. He casually brushed a stray lock of hair off his face and straightened his jacket. One last loose end to tie up. ******** Beginning of Chapter 4: “I Am a Rock”

Grace thought back to when she first met Michael. When a boy of 16 comes knocking at your door and he isn’t selling something for school, one gets nervous. And here was this boy, all ripped black jeans and combat boots, unsure of how to say hello to a stranger. He stood there on her doorstep, just looking at her, as if she was supposed to just know what he needed. “Where’s your mo…Ms. Mead?” she asked, looking around. The tall boy with icy eyes and curls like an angel looked around too. “I don’t know, I mean she was here, but now she’s not and the car’s not here…” The boy was clearly not comfortable being alone, and seemed anxious. “Is there someone I should call?” He looked sheepish and said, “Can I just wait here?” “Sure. We can do that. Let’s wait outside so we can see her car when she gets back.” And she thought to herself, “And so Ms. Mead doesn’t skin me alive for having her boy in my house unsupervised.” “Okay. Thank you. May I have some water?” Grace brought out some water for the boy and tapped him on the shoulder. He flinched, swatting at her hand. She took a step back then sat down on the steps at a respectful distance, putting the glass of water in the space between them. “Sorry, I’ll ask permission next time, okay?” Michael stayed silent, looking doubtful. “I will ask permission before I touch you. I promise.” They sat awkwardly until he finished the water. He handed it to her saying, “Here’s your glass. I’m finished.” “Thank you… I don’t know your name. What should I call you?” “Michael. Michael Langdon.” “How old are you Michael?” “16.” “And where do you go to school?” “I don’t like these questions.” Dammit, she had pushed too hard again. In her head, she admonished herself. “Listening skills, Grace! Come on!” “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you not want to talk? Just wait?” “Just wait.” Grace was trained in working with special needs kids, and this young man Michael, with his specific ways and rigid preferences, acting a little younger than his age would suggest, seemed to have some delays. She wondered if there was some kind of developmental disability there. She desperately wanted to ask more, but there was no point pushing him. They sat and watched the cars pass and listened to the summer insects buzzing.   Michael broke the silence. “Why are you always playing music and hitting things?” “What? Oh, I’m practicing. Practicing martial arts.” “You listen to music for that?” “Well, I do. It helps keep me motivated. It’s not too loud is it? I don’t want to bother anyone.” “No, it’s not loud. Well, Ms. Mead doesn’t like it but I think she just doesn’t like that kind of music.” “Well, it’s not for everybody. I’ll try to keep it quieter so she doesn’t have to listen.” “You practice fighting? Can you teach me fighting?” Grace had an inspirational idea, but it would require some coordinated effort and planning. “That… would be up to Ms. Mead. If she says it’s okay, then I can certainly try.” “She’ll say okay.” And just like that, her car came pulling into the driveway.Michael’s face lit up, and he ran off, calling out over his shoulder, “Bye! I’ll see you tomorrow!” “Tomorrow?” Grace thought, “Oh, boy.”

[transgenderlies]

Countering transgender lies about Stonewall

Transgenders consistently lie about what happened at the Stonewall Inn in 1969. Their lie holds that the Stonewall riot was variously spurred by or chiefly carried out by transgenders, specifically “transwomen of colour” and even more specifically an “instigator” named Ray “Sylvia” Rivera. If you’d like all Stonewall-related transgender lies collected in one place, I would refer you to the so-called Transadvocate.

Of course this isn’t what happened. It was illegal to appear in public in the attire of the opposite sex in New York in 1969. You couldn’t just sashay down to the Stonewall of a Friday night for a watered-down drink served in a dirty glass, at least not without expecting hassles from cops. The Stonewall Inn was not an early Woody’s with weekly drag shows. The primary clientele was gay males, with some lesbians, and they were dressed like men and women, respectively, in most cases. Whatever “transgenders” frequented the Stonewall were actually drag queens, though that is a distinction without a difference here.

The facts are well established, except to lying transgenders. We have not merely the eyewitness accounts of gay men who were at the Stonewall that night (or the next two nights, or some combination), as in PBS’s Stonewall Uprising. We further have the direct statements from Sylvia Rivera herself, as recorded by recognized historians.

Eric Marcus, Making Gay History

Actually, it was the first time I had been to the friggin’ Stonewall. The Stonewall wasn’t a bar for drag queens. Everybody keeps saying it was. The drag queen spot was the Washington Square Bar, at Third St. and Broadway. This is where I get into arguments with people. They say, “Oh, no, it was a drag-queen bar, it was a black bar.” No. Washington Square Bar was the drag-queen bar.

If you were a drag queen, you could get into the Stonewall if they knew you. And only a certain number of drag queens were allowed into the Stonewall at that time. [...]

That first year after Stonewall, we were petitioning for a gay-rights bill for New York City, and I got arrested for petitioning on 42nd St. I was asking people to sign the petition.

I was dressed casually that day – makeup, hair, and whatnot. The cops came up to me and said, “You can’t do this.” I said, “My Constitution says that I can do anything that I want.” “No, you can’t do this. Either you leave or we’re going to arrest you.” I said, “Fine, arrest me.” They very nicely picked me up and threw me in a police car and took me to jail.

Martin Duberman, Stonewall

Washington Square was Sylvia’s special favo[u]rite. It opened at three in the morning and catered primarily (rather than incidentally as was the case with Stonewall) to transvestites[.] [...]

If she was going out at all... she would go to Washington Square. She had never been crazy about Stonewall, she reminded Tammy: Men in makeup were tolerated there, but not exactly cherished. [...]

If the raid went according to the usual pattern, the only people who would be arrested would be those without IDs, those dressed in the clothes of the opposite gender, and some or all of the employees. Everyone else would be let go with a few shoves and a few contemptuous words. The bar would soon reopen and they would all be back dancing. It was annoying to have one’s Friday night screwed up, but hardly unprecedented.

Note 39:

Section 887(7) of the New York State Criminal Code was the one traditionally invoked by the police against transvestites. The law was supposedly ignored on Halloween, though the police-department handbook specified that even then, someone dressed in costume had to be wearing a certain number of garments “appropriate” to their sex.

Note 40:

The eyewitness accounts in RAT (July 1969) specifically credits “one guy” (not a lesbian or a queen) for precipitating a scuffle by refusing to be put into the paddy wagon.... At least two people credit Sylvia herself with provoking the riot.... But I’ve found no corroboration for either account[,] and Sylvia herself, with a keener regard for the historical record, denies the accuracy of both versions. She does remember “throwing bricks and rocks and things” after the mêlée began, but takes no credit for initiating the confrontation.

David Carter, Stonewall: The Riots That Sparked the Gay Revolution

pp. 261–2:

The question of who gets credit for starting the riots is one that deserves consideration. The question, however, contains a premise: that an individual or group of individuals can be singled out as the prime mover in a complex process that many person s collectively created. This is important for two reasons. First, as John O’Brien pointed out, there was a continuum of resistance ranging from silent persons who ignored the police orders to move to those who threw objects at the police. O’Brien maintains that it was because of those person standing around and blocking the streets and sidewalks and keeping the police from being able to operate efficiently that he and others were able to engage in their tactics as effectively as they did: if there had been only about fifteen youths lobbing objects at the police the young men would have been quickly caught or chased away.

Second, I wrote the account of the first night to reflect my understanding of what happened, namely, that until the definitive outbreak of rioting when the police retreated inside the Stonewall Inn, there was throughout the evening both a gradual buildup of anger and, correspondingly, a gradual escalation in the release of that anger. In the course of that buildup there were numerous turning points, some more critical than others. With these qualifications noted, I think it is clear that special credit must be given to gay homeless youths, to transgendered men, and to the lesbian who fought the police.¹⁰

Footnote 10 from above:

Charles Kaiser suggested to the author that Stormé DeLarverie (see The Gay Metropolis: 1940–1996 [Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1997], p. 198) was this woman, but she could not have been. To cite only a few of the problems with this thesis, DeLarverie’s story is one of escaping the police, not of being taken into custody by them, and she has claimed that on that night she was outside the bar, “quiet, I didn’t say a word to anybody, I was just trying to see what was happening,” when a policeman, without provocation, hit her in the eye (“Stonewall 1969: A Symposium,” June 20, 1997, New York City). DeLarverie is also an African-American woman, and all the witnesses interviewed by the author describe the woman as Caucasian.

And here’s what The Gay Metropolis actually says:

Several spectators agreed that it was the action of a cross-dressing lesbian – possibly Stormé DeLarverie – which would change everyone’s attitude forever. DeLarverie denied that she was the catalyst, but her own recollection matched others’ descriptions of the defining moment. “The cop hit me and I hit him back,” DeLarverie explained [in Kaiser’s own interview with her on 1995.12.09].

Continuing:

Among these, we can name three individuals known to have been in the vanguard: Jackie Hormona, Marsha Johnson, and Zazu Nova.

A common theme links those who resisted first and fought the hardest, and that is gender transgression. While we do not know how the lesbian who fought the police saw herself, we do know that her clothing was masculine, in keeping with her general demeano[u]r. We know from Pine’s testimony that the first significant resistance that he encountered inside the bar came from transvestites, and Joel S. places them among the first outside the bar to resist. Marsha Johnson and Zazu Nova were both transvestites, and, as the reader has seen, the street youth were, generally speaking, effeminate men. All available evidence leads us to conclude that the Stonewall Riots were instigated and led by the most despised and marginal elements of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered community. My research for this history demonstrates that if we wish to name the group most responsible for the success of the riots, it is the young, homeless homosexuals, and, contrary to the usual characterizations of those on the rebellion’s front lines, most were Caucasian; few were Latino; almost none were transvestites or transsexuals; most were effeminate; and a fair number came from middle-class families.

Footnote 11 from that same chapter:

It is remarkable – and no doubt inevitable given human psychology – that in the popular imagination the number of transvestites at the riots is always exaggerated. Readers will note that in the [Fred] McDarrah photos of the riots there is one transgendered person[,] and none of the persons I interviewed, some of whom knew her, ever saw her actively involved in the riots. (Note that the McDarrah photographs, which do feature the street youths, were taken late on Saturday night during one of the lulls in rioting, when nothing in particular was happening....) The Ambrosini photo does not show a single transvestite. Craig Rodwell told researcher Michael Scherker that “one of the myths about Stonewall is it was all drag queens. I mean, drag queens are part of what went on. Certainly one of the most courageous, but there were maybe twelve drag queens. In thousands of people.”

Transgenders lie about Stonewall in part because they are fundamentally dishonest (about themselves and about human anatomy, to give two examples), but they do it here to establish primacy over the legitimately constituted lesbian and gay community. The way they tell it, we owe them because they bravely instigated the Stonewall Riots that led to actual gay and lesbian liberation. (Even that last part isn’t true just in the U.S. context, as veterans of the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis will attest.) As far as they’re concerned, transgender is the supercategory and we gays and lesbians are mere variations of trans. And Stonewall proves it.

Well, all of that is untrue, honey, and nobody’s buying what you’re selling, literally or figuratively.

(Original post)

[zadzapfanfiction-blog]

Strings That Hold Me Together chapter 5

Strings That Hold Me Together

Chapter 5

Ink had a tendency to see the beauty in everything, from the smallest of things to the biggest of things no matter how ugly it could be. Now, that isn’t to say that what he found beauty in wasn’t beautiful in its own way or anything. Beauty did come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and it didn’t take much to see beauty in almost everything that existed in all universes. This…this was how he felt when it came to Error, despite what he had been through, despite what he had done…Error was a beautiful creature.

As he sat on the couch, string covered soul in hand, looking at each crack beneath the strings that literally held his soul together he contemplated things. The glitched up skeleton deserved as much positivity as other things he treasured, treated as though he mattered. Of course Error mattered, must because he was a destroyer didn’t mean that he was nothing more than what he set about to be. No one deserves to be feared…no one deserves to be lonely like Error was, not even Error did, even if he had destroyed things.

A small smile appeared on his face as he looked at Error who had fallen asleep on the couch after much convincing. The other needed the rest, especially after he had stayed up all night trying to figure out how he could be solid against things. He had to admit that Error kind of looked cute as he slept, head resting on the arm of the sofa, curled up and peaceful. He doubted Error ever had much peace with how things were for him, how he had been hurting after his world just became corrupted.

Error had two sides to him, at least that’s what Ink had observed after many years of knowing him and getting to hang out with him now. Yes…Error was a destroyer, there were times he would just go on a killing spree for no apparent reason. Well…no reason that Ink could think of at least, then again he didn’t know Error’s mind very well, so he couldn’t judge him. It amazed him though, that Error seemed to be a nice person underneath that extremely rough exterior of his. To tell the truth, he though Error could do some good.

Humming softly, Ink settled back into the couch and rested, careful of his injuries that were still slowly healing up; his thoughts filled with Error. How the other seemed to be showing off a different side than what Ink was used to seeing with him. It didn’t take long for Ink to be lulled to sleep with his very last thoughts being about how he was glad things seemed okay with Error.

~~oo~~

The vibration of a phone awoke Ink from his slumber an hour later and he looked at his caller ID to see it was Mirror. The other was probably worried after not hearing from him for…how long had he been here again? A week and a few days he guessed. A sigh escaped him as he looked to see Error was still asleep and he went to go to the other room to answer.

“Hello Mirror, sorry I haven’t been in contact for a while...” Ink answered.

“Ink, where are you? I haven’t had any reports from you in a while and I was starting to get worried.” Mirror’s voice sounded the other end of the line, okay…so maybe Ink had completely forgotten about calling. It had completely slipped his mind, but at least in the process he had gotten to see things that he didn’t get to see otherwise. “Yeah…sorry about that, I sort of ran into some trouble.” Ink said and sighed a little, it wasn’t like he was intending on it or anything.

There was silence on the other line for a moment before Mirror answered him. “What kind of trouble? Is it Error? I swear, that asshole…” Mirror said, sounding very annoyed. “We really need to do something about him Ink.”

Ink rubbed his skull a little, careful not to touch the healing crack. “It wasn’t Error.” He said and sat on the bed in the room. “There was this new universe that appeared and I wanted to explore it, see what it was…” He added and closed his eyes as he tried to remember the specifics. “While exploring I was attacked by this creature…I didn’t get a good look at it, but I was in pretty bad condition at the end of it. I probably would have been dusted if Error hadn’t gotten involved in the fight.”

“Wait, Error…saved you?” Mirror asked, his voice full of disbelief at the situation. “You were injured you said?”

Was it really so hard to believe that Error could be a good person if he really tried? God, it annoyed him how little faith people seemed to have in the glitched version of Sans. Yes; he had destroyed worlds, almost killed Mirror’s brother and would have killed Mirror had Ink not got involved maybe. Either way, that was all in the past and shouldn’t matter.

“I am, but it wasn’t because of Error.” Ink said. “This creature in the universe I was looking at sort of attacked me, my soul was pretty close to shattering…still is.” He explained, earning a gasp on the other end of the line.

“You’ve been gone a week and three days Ink, where are you?” Mirror asked. “I can’t seem to find you on my mirrors.”

Ink rolled his eyes at his worried tone and gave an exasperated sigh as he listened to the other, what good could Mirror do right now. “With Error, if it weren’t for him I would be dust…so I kind of owe him my life in a way.” He shrugged. “I’m all bandaged up and I’m literally being held together by string so…”

He could practically hear the frown as the other spoke and rolled his eyes; he was not in the mood to listen to Mirror ramble on about how Error was evil. Okay, so the others may not see what he sees all the time, and that was very annoying. Others only saw things for what they were and he guessed he couldn’t blame people for acting the way they did around certain people. They just didn’t seem to have Ink’s eyes, and he sort of wished other people did to be honest.

“But listen Ink, I think Error’s been out destroying a few universes…there’s been a few of them disappearing or being destroyed.” Mirror said after a moment.

“No.” Ink said, suddenly worried. “No, Error has been with me the whole time aside to stop off somewhere to get food once. Listen, I’ll go check it out.” He assured and sighed. “I should go, I’ll look into this and see what Error Says.” He said and hung up before the other could argue; his thoughts turned to Error, had he done anything while Ink was out of commission? One thing was for sure; he needed to at least speak with Error about this and investigate what was going on.

“Ink?” Said skeleton jumped at the mention of his name and looked behind him. “I’m sorry Error…did I wake you?” He asked, putting his phone back in his pocket.

“No, I just woke up and you weren’t there…so I looked.” Error said, studying the other a moment before Ink spoke up, clearing his throat beforehand. “Um…Error, did you go destroy a few universes while I was in that little coma?” He asked, earning a shrug from the other. “No, I was more focused on getting you better to be honest.” He said, not seeming concerned with the little question he was asked.

Ink stayed silent and he frowned, trying to figure out what had caused the problem if Error hadn’t done anything. “What’s this about?” The other asked and Ink sighed. “Something is destroying universes…and if it’s not you then it has to be something…” He said and looked at Error who rolled his eyes, leaving the room. “Well it certainly isn’t me, but I think I know what it is.” He said and the other followed him out of the room. “Well…who is it then?” Ink asked, crossing his arms.

Error only glanced back at him. “The creature that attacked you.”

[teesturtle]

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[wxkryarb-blog]

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[stonerboy-writings]

A L’Avis De Victor : Une Réponse à la Première Essai que J’Avais Ecrit

The general dissatisfaction that I had with the mark I had received, compelled me to “re-interview” my friend so that we could bond over my most unfortunate loss. Even though this our discussion had begun as a means to remedy my overall disappointment with the system under which I had been judged, it did provide me with a sense of pride surrounding my work as well as an improved understanding of Victor’s field of study.

I messaged Victor via Facebook to express my discontent at around 12:30, which had been 6:30 in Paris. I was happy to receive a quick response from him, which said:

“Darling I’m almost home, let me tell you about my day. It will make yours seem like nothing. I’ll be on skype in five minutes.”

I smiled and knew that we would have a marvelous session complaining about the insignificant details of our lives.

I put down what I had been doing, placed my phone on my desk, and woke my laptop from its most somber sleep. After entering my password, I logged into skype, to then be happily greeted by skype’s “wheep” tone, which notifies its user that they have a new message. Unsurprisingly it was from Victor, who then initiated a phone call. I answered, to be greeted with Victor’s dark apartment and his unkempt hair, which had to be accompanied by a nearly overflowing glass of two-euro red wine.

He smiled and said, “well darling tell me about your troubles.”

I looked down to say, “well was nothing, it was just a bad mark, and I’ll be able to make it up later in the semester.”

“Yes, too bad you are no longer in high-school when your grades were actually something –

I cut him off “Ah, grades how American of you, even I don’t even call them that anymore”

He glared in continued, “As an Albertan, I take offense in drawing those conclusions, but as I was saying, it’s too bad that those do come more frequently than they once did”

“Yes that is true, but I do have four more essays to improve help improve my mark,” I responded.”

“hmm” …Victor glanced up to then go on to say, “well why don’t we just redo it, it is a shame though as I feel that your essay did capture my, essence.”

I chuckled to then say, “well if you wish dear, we can”

I opened my marked word document to then go through the specific criteria required for this assignment.

“I have it!” I exclaimed, “Okay Victor, let’s start from the top, first question, what ‘specific claim about the literacy (reading and writing practices) in [your] field’ would you make? (Phifer-Byrne)”

Victor smiled to then say, “the study of Anthropology, or rather the study of people has gone through great changes over the past half century. The field’s conception was out of European Imperialism, and with this background, it has and continues to oppress the people it studies. I feel that it has changed to become less oppressive, but the goal of Anthropology is to critically analyze, or judge the people it intends to study and to some that can appear to be oppressive. This analysis is then contained in the various essays that we make on a number of subjects related to our people of study.”

Very good, “Now how and why are you Victor, ‘appropriate for insight to a specific field, (Phifer-Byrne)’ or for your case Anthropology?”

“Well darling you and anyone who read your initial assignment would know how accomplished I am in my field, so I believe we can continue.”

“The next question asked Victor, would be, ‘adequately explore the reading and writing practices of the specific field, considering different variables like: what types of texts and genres are read, referenced, and produced. What methods and and technologies are used to consume, use and produce texts. What work of the field is accomplished through reading and writing? (Phifer-Byrne)”

“Well we do use primary sources, I remember that in one of the papers that I wrote during my master’s program I included a notebook written by this prostitute that I had been interviewing. Materials such as these are invaluable as they act as an account of a multitude of interviews over time, which allowed me to study a number of experiences that my subject had experienced. We can also use visual references, such as photography, or works of art. I know that in my line of Anthropology some Anthropologists have examined Picasso’s “Les Demoiselles d’Avignon,” and Ingres’ Grande Odalisque to understand the historical perceptions of prostitution in Europe over the past centuries. So because of that there are countless forms of expression that we analyze as Anthropologists to gain an understanding of the people we study.”

“Now Victor, I must, ‘include appropriate evidence from the interview to support an analysis (Phifer-Byrne)’ would you mind elaborating on the ��evidence relevant to [your] main points and [your] overall claim[s], (Phifer-Byrne)’ ‘make evidence appropriate for [your] topic[s], audience, and purpose[es] (Phifer-Byrne)’ that you covered, and ‘provide detailed connection [or] description of how the evidence supports the point [or] reason, [or] claim? (Phifer-Byrne)”

Victor paused and said, “well I guess one could say that Anthropology is the study of people; however, that is the first definition out of your Oxford English Dictionary. I think that what we have learned as a field is how to be more respectful of ‘the other,’ since the mid-twentieth century. All you need to do to understand how Anthropology and Archaeology was used during the third Reich to support Aryan claims to ethnic superiority. I feel like there is much more that needs to be done in that regard as there is still a level of judgement to scholarly superiority in regard to the study of non-western peoples. Because of that I decided to people a social anthropologist as I would be studying sub-groups within the western world, which would help me stay away from issues such as ethnic and cultural superiority that has been the means under which abuse has been committed against non-western peoples. I think that we will eventually become better as time goes, on. Typically, philosophers are the ones that inspire the artists, whose art compels us to become better at understanding the human condition and the pressures we face as members of our world’s various societies.”

I interjected to say “I agree with that opinion.  I know that when we had spoken a few months ago about our own educations, primarily in Canada and the United States, there were rituals that w preformed to have a sense of collective superiority. With the arts, which artists do you think have been deconstructing this Euro-centric superiority complex?”

“Oh yes Ted I do remember that, very good point. I think that many of the apparatuses rituals that we have as people and within our western societies help speak to a certain hierarchy, which is common throughout many cultures; however, it is not an essential part of human society as a whole. I remember studying collectivism at University and how many so called ‘primitive’ societies used inclusion rather than deprivation as a means of supporting their societies. I think that Artists such as Marta Minujín, especially in her Destrucción (1963) speaks to how arbitrary our societies place value on certain practices. In her performance, the Destrucción (1963) she destroyed all of the art that she had made throughout her career as an artist to symbolize rebirth as an artist that was free of the so called “high-arts,” an artist that excluded herself from this arbitrary valuation. This performance acted as her first great performance and launched her career as a visionary who challenged our western status quo. I hope that someday the social-sciences, sciences, and humanities at some point might be able to become more universalist, rather than the critical exclusive disciplines that they had originally been drawn out to be.  I feel that once our Universities can help shed light on these misfortunes that we might be able to provide a truer understanding of plant’s peoples and cultures. Anyways, sorry for going on is there anything else that I should respond to?”

I looked down to examine the rubric to see I had stayed true to its requirements in order to receive a higher mark, but then realized that beyond proper grammar and syntax that all the questions that I had been asked to question Victor on had been answered.

I looked up at the screen and said, “No Victor, I think that is everything, so long as I remember my student ID number and section number this paper will have all the content necessary for a ‘proper’ mark.”

He smiled and said, “well darling, I hope that it all goes well. I would love to chat longer but I have a gig tonight so I should put get ready.”

“A gig?” I asked.

“Why yes I gig,” he said while winking at me.

I giggled, we then said our good-byes, and ended our call.

***

As this has been the first one-hundred level course that I have taken at the University of Arizona, I would like to apologize as I am used to having more creative freedom in my writing. I hope that this would answer all of the requirements that I would be asked of for this assignment and I hope that I might be able to improve myself in the future assignments for this course. The problem is that I am typically used to writing a paper around a general topic, that would be covered within a specific course. One example would be one course that I took on Conflict Management and Resolution. The general requirement was to write a final essay that carefully examined a conflict and then provide suggestions and commentary on how this conflict could have been more easily resolved. For this assignment I examined it as an exercise on conducting and recording interview surrounding aspects of academia. In that regard I do believe that I was to some degree successful at that in my first essay that I submitted for this course. Either way I hope that the response above can help show that I am trying to remember how to navigate a first-year course and that I am capable of following a rubric’s specified guidelines.

Figures:

Figure 1:

Marta, Minujín. Destrucción. 1963. Performance Art/Photograph. MoMA, New York. Image Courtesy of: Henrique Faria Fine Art, New York. Online. Accessed 24 Feb 2017. http://post.at.moma.org/sources/8/publications/129

Figure 2:

Pablo, Picasso. Les Demoiselles d’Avignon. 1907. Oil on canvas. MoMA, New York. Acquired through the Lillie P. Bliss Bequrest. Online. Accessed 24 Feb 2017. https://www.moma.org/explore/conservation/demoiselles/

Works Cited:

Phifer-Byrne, Kasey, Erin. Grading Criteria. 2017.

Originally published on Old Wordpress site: edwardjelliott.wordpress.com on Feb. 27 2017

[racheltgibsau]

What it Means to Provide Value as a Digital Marketer

Value. It’s a concept that we all understand in theory, and we have all certainly faced this question in our professional lives: “What value do you bring?”. It can be a tricky question to answer, and to even begin to answer it we first must have an understand of this word “value”.

This is the cliché part where I include a Merriam-Webster definition of “value”

Source

It’s a lot to think about! I’ve been working at Hanapin for 5 years now, moving from the client-facing Account Manager role to my current role as Senior Account Analyst. Recently this topic has been on my mind, both in terms of how I’m providing value to my teammates, their clients, and Hanapin as an agency. I have the added benefit of sitting next to Kayla Kurtz, our Associate Director of Sales, and this has given me opportunity to learn a bit about what prospects are looking for when they come to us.

I have found that much of our focus is turned towards hard skills. Learning how to use the AdWords (I mean, Google Ads) interface. Excel skills. How to write ads and use the coolest new betas available. But I think we sometimes miss a piece of the puzzle, and need to occasionally take a high level look at how we are providing real value.

As you read this, I encourage you to think about how you can provide value to:

Your boss

Your clients

The C-suite

Your organization

Ready to dive in?

Provide Insights, Not Just a Data Dump

“Insights” is a word that’s thrown around the industry a lot, but what exactly does that mean? What distinguishes an insight from data? Here are two graphics that I think illustrate the point:

  Source

Source

Anyone can pull data from an interface or analytics. It takes someone with some experience and intelligence to take that data, organize it into information, then apply their brains to it to produce something meaningful to the organization. As you become a seasoned PPC professional, you can use your experiences with other accounts to help build insights for current problems. Here’s a practical PPC example:

Data: A campaign report pulled from Google Ads, broken down by month.

Information: That same campaign report segmented into brand vs. non brand, with some notes about budget changes over the last 2 months. Also noted that CPL has risen substantially.

Knowledge: Knowing that we need to take this report and look at CPCs and conversion rates to uncover why CPL has risen.

Wisdom: Competition has increased substantially over the last few months, as search impression share has decreased. By using competitor insight tools we see that major competitors have increased their bids and budgets, thus driving up CPCs which results in a higher CPL. Conversion rates have also decreased from 30% decrease in page load time for our key landing pages. To remedy the situation, we should loop in the web development team, and reassess our strategies around bidding and ad copy to stay competitive.

A good insight does the following:

Doesn’t just list what happened or give the numbers, but digs into the “why”

Focuses on metrics that are important

Connect to Real Business Results

Now that we’ve talked about what makes a great insight, we need to dive into how exactly you can connect that to business results.

Sure, you’ve found that competition has increased by 15% in the last three months, driving up CPCs. But what does that mean for the larger scope of the business? This is where we can be really valuable, especially to those who aren’t in the PPC weeds all the time.

Frame your data and all of your hard work around what impact it has on the business. In the example above I mentioned increased competition and rising CPCs. What would a stakeholder care about? I would take a guess that they care about profitability and the bottom line, as well as growth. Make sure each of your points ties back to these KPIs, and make it clear and easy to understand!

Step Outside of the PPC Bubble

This point goes along nicely with the previous one. Not only do you want to connect to business results, but you want to look for learnings and insights that may impact other channels or areas of the business.

Some examples of this can be the competitive landscape, ad copy language, and search query language. These areas can provide nice little nuggets of insight that might be valuable to other marketing or branding efforts. If you find that a certain unique selling point does really well in your ad copy, consider adding that language to landing pages or email blasts. You are uniquely positioned to give these insights, so take every opportunity you can get!

Present in a format that’s understandable & relatable

The above point was a nice segue into presentation. It’s so important to speak the language of whomever you are presenting to. If you’re talking to a PPC Account Manager or Digital Marketing Manager, then you can probably get away with using all the PPC jargon your heart desires. If you’re presenting to a VP, CEO, CMO, or other executive, you’re probably better off not using a bunch of acronyms and jargon.

I could ramble on and on about data visualization and its importance, but that’s a story for another time. For this article, I’ll leave it at this: use graphs that your audience will be comfortable reading, and that gets your point across cleanly and concisely. If you want more information, I suggest do some Googling for data visualization and presentation best practices.

Unique Tool & Process Development

In my particular role at Hanapin, this is my favorite way to provide value to my teammates and their clients. I get to be creative in how I solve problems (I love puzzles, Logic was one of my favorite classes in college), learn new things and expand my skillset, and collaborate with other brilliant minds, all while making my coworkers lives easier (I hope).

When developing a proprietary tool or process, you should ask yourself these questions:

What problem or pain point am I trying to solve or alleviate?

What’s the best way to solve that problem?

Do I have the skills and/or resources needed? If not, what can I do to fill those gaps?

Does developing this tool provide value by either:

Saving time

Saving money

Providing insight (remember our discussion on insights above!)

These questions should provide a good guide on your tool development process.

Have a Plan to Execute

When delivering recommendations based on your expert analysis, it’s always a good idea to have a plan to execute said recommendations. Remember that old saying “a goal without a plan is just a wish”? That applies here.

Your plan should include the following:

Why is this important? What impact will this have on the business?

A time frame. When will this be completed? For how long will this test run? When will we know if it’s successful?

Measurements of success. What metric will we look at to determine if we succeeded? What’s our specific goal?

Be A Good Partner & Establish Yourself as the Expert

Don’t Be a Yes Man

One critical thing that is easy to forget is that you are the expert. Your client, boss, etc. has hired you for a reason, and is leaning on you to use your expertise to give a recommendation. Know when to push back, and don’t be a yes man.

Of course, there are times when a client or boss tells you to do something and won’t budge from their standpoint. However, it’s crucial to know when you should push back a little if your recommendation is truly in the best interest of the account. As a good partner, you should always have the client or business’s best interests at heart.

To build trust I find it’s very important to give all the supporting data, articles, etc. to back up your point.

Know your expertise, but also know your limitations

If you work at an agency, your clients will know their business better than you. Of course you should strive to understand as much as you can to be a good partner, understand that you can’t know everything that happens internally.

What You Should Take Away From All of This

We’ve gone through a lot in this article, and kudos to you for following this thing through to the end.

Here’s a quick TL;DR –

Provide insights, not data.

If applicable, create proprietary tools & processes

Be a good partner – speak their language, and know when to push back

As digital marketers, it’s easy to get lost in the daily ins and outs of managing accounts. Clicks went up, CTR increased, etc. Make it a practice to step back and really think about how you are providing value.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 https://www.ppchero.com/what-it-means-to-provide-value-as-a-digital-marketer/