#maybe it’s the demisexual in me showing

[calciumcryptid]

Apparently, people liked my demiromantic Vegas and demisexual Pete headcanon making VegasPete a demiromantic for a demisexual couple (which is the best dynamic), so here is a long winded version of what I think that would look like.

First, for those who don't know, demiromantic is an aromantic spectrum term that describes people who do not experience romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection or bond with someone. Demisexual is an asexual spectrum term that describe people who do not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection or bond with someone.

My source for Vegas being demiromantic and Pete being demisexual is me, a demiromantic and demisexual who kept pointed at the screen every-time Vegas and Pete showed up and opened their mouths like that one reaction image.

Without a further ado I present-

DEMIROMANTIC VEGAS

Vegas grows up viewing romantic relationships like high risk high reward business transactions, not realizing there are supposed to be feelings and emotions attached to it.

(Now, I'm not saying that when Vegas got to the arranged marriage section of his historical textbook he agreed with it, but I am definitely saying Tankhun and Kinn were horrified Vegas was vaguely chill with the concept.)

In his defense, he wasn't raised around the healthiest relationships with his mother committing suicide and his aunts gone, so there was no one around to showcase a healthy romantic relationship and maybe clue him into the genuine emotion behind it.

This next part might get controversial, but I believe Vegas' silver tongue is greatly exaggerated. My evidence is the way Porsche and Pete cringe every time Vegas flirts with them. While I have no doubt Vegas is charismatic, I do think his looks and his wealth are doing a lot of heavy lifting.

To get even more controversial, while I know the intention of his love bombing is to showcase he is toxic, I can't help but interpret it a little as him using pattern recognition.

The most glaringly obvious example of this is when Vegas proposes to Tawan, then gets surprised when Tawan thinks it gives him the okay to change Vegas' plans. It is almost like Vegas doesn't realize the deeper emotion and symbolism behind an engagement ring other than it being the next step in a relationship.

Vegas is good at going through the motions without ever making the genuine connections even when there are glaringly genuine connections he can make.

(Hello our favorite frenemies, Vegas and Porsche who definitely developed a genuine friendship post-canon, fuck you, because they had so much they could have bonded over even though I don't believe they would have worked out in a long-term romantic relationship thanks to being fundamentally different people. Now I am sure there is something about demiplatonic in here, but I don't know enough to call that beyond Vegas seeming confused at the idea of simply having a friendship with Porsche without any side sexual benefits.)

The final but of set-up here is the fact Vegas only positive relationship (before Pete, of course) is Macau, but, obviously, Vegas isn't going to view Macau in a romantic light. Even disregarding that last little fact, it is a well-known thing among the aroace spectrums that you latch harder onto platonic and familial bonds when you don't need a romantic bond.

Alright, onto the VegasPete of it all.

*twirls my phantom hair because my head is shaved* So, there is this section of the narrative that perfectly encapsulates the deminess of the VegasPete relationship because the setting demands they forge an emotional bond and create an emotional connection.

When I am looking at whether a character is demi, I am looking for a clear shift of when their relationship with a character turns from its previous stage to romantic. I affectionately call this a marker, the place that marks the shift.

For example, if you don't mind a little side tangent, there is another Boys Love character I interpret heavily as demiromantic. His name is Q, he is from the GMMTV series We Are, and his marker is a pencil box given to him by his deceased grandfather, an important familial bond in Q's life who passed away prior to the series and it's story.

The reason I know the pencil box is the marker is because Toey, Q's love interest, finds it and that is what kick-starts their relationship and their emotional connection which continues over the course of the series. Including, sticking post-it notes on the back of an art piece Q has created (since art is like Q's thing).

Vegas' thing is torture, so he tortures Pete until his father comes in to slap Vegas around. At the end, Vegas takes Pete with him to the safehouse Vegas has been blacklisted to.

This is the perfect set-up for a demi for demi relationship because isolation is considered the most inhumane thing you can do to a person, and when it is two people in isolation (and a hedgehog, can't forget our strongest soldier Khun Spikes) those two people have to rely on each other to not go mental or more mental.

The impending loneliness can be felt when Vegas realizes he might cause Pete to die and then he would be truly isolated in the safehouse, so Vegas nurses Pete back to health which causes Pete to be so delirious on drugs and pain he reveals VegasPete's marker.

To put it simply, the moment VegasPete's relationship shifts from captive and hostage into prospective love interests is when Pete tells Vegas he is a victim of child abuse at the hand of his own father. The two form their deeper emotional connection over being abuse victims, and their bond deepens when Pete point-blank tells Vegas victory won't make his father stop hitting him because abuse isn't about them it is about the abuser feeling more powerful.

The shift is felt because later you see Vegas bantering with Pete over a book, feeding him multiple times, and, of course, sleeping with him which LEADS US INTO THE SEX SCENE-

Now, this would be better with pictures but I am not in a space where I can acquire those so you are going to have to bear with me.

Say what you want about Be On Cloud, but they understand sex scenes don't have to be pointless smut (outside of the smut book genre) and can serve as a narrative tool. Many people have already made jokes about the most vanilla sex scene being in the actual dungeon, but it isn't a completely vanilla scene because Pete ends up back in the chains and hands Vegas rope. However, the sex scene isn't the actual point of this point it is the build up to it.

After they bury our strongest soldier Khun Spikes, Vegas and Pete are on the dungeon bed where they are having another quiet moment, furthering that emotional bond, but Vegas hasn't realized he has romantic feelings for Pete yet. He knows he has feelings, but he has never felt these types of feelings before so he can't place them. You can see the evolution of this realization with the buildup to the VegasPete sex scene, where Vegas is content with Pete, then freaking out about the feelings, then defaulting to what he knows (sex), then goading Pete into giving him explicit consent.

The moment Vegas realizes what he feels is romantic? Come on, you know it, it is when Pete is holding a knife to his throat while Vegas is pleading with Pete to not leave him. If I remember correctly, Vegas flat out says he needs Pete in a vulnerability never seen before like you can see Vegas' heart being ripped out.

Afterwards, Vegas is a mess. He is moping in the little dungeon he has, staring at rice, and then he is anxious to see Pete again making it his sole demand in his agreement with Porsche. The alleyway scene. The motorcycle escape where he sees Pete coming and retreats rather than fights. The way he took blow after blow from Pete and confessed his love.

Simply put, this is a man's first experience with the severity of romantic feelings.

After all of that, Pete resigns and goes with Vegas and the pure glee Vegas has before the shots ring out and the way he promises to treat Pete well in the hospital is a lot.

Now that I have rambled all about how Vegas is totally demiromantic, here is how I think he figured it out and how that reveal shook a lot of the perceptions about him!

As I said in my previous post, Vegas doesn't learn he is demiromantic until, like, five years post-canon when everyone can be on reasonably good terms and he can be at a get together with the rest of the cast.

(The reason I say this is because for anyone to clock Vegas as demiromantic and inform him about it, Vegas must be delirious enough to let information about himself and his relationship with Pete to slip.)

In this scenario, Vegas is definitely tipsy and more loose lipped and Tankhun and Kinn zero in on it like hawks because free blackmail material on Vegas that isn't the whole coup thing. At first, it is like pulling teeth until they get on the topic of Vegas' relationship with Pete.

What happens is Vegas starts on a very drunken rant about how bullshit romance and love is, but not with Pete because Pete is different. Anyways, romance has caused him nothing but pain and suffering, not Pete though because Pete is different. Anyways, how the fuck did Kinn tolerate Tawan and Porsche enough to want to marry them because there was no reward high enough to match that risk, and why didn't Kinn go after Pete because Pete is different. Anyways, even if there was no reward to being with Pete Vegas would take that high risk again and again because Pete is different.

The more Vegas goes on the clearer it is to everyone Vegas' views on romance goes beyond regular concerning mafia-centric views to more why is this man using business terms to describe romantic relationships?

It ends with Kinn asking if the reason Vegas hasn't put a ring on Pete's finger (despite them probably having Venice at this point, so definitely parents) is because he finds traditionally romantic gestures repulsive to which Vegas, deeply offended, responds.

Vegas: Why would I propose to Pete? I'm not trying to manipulate him.

Pete: ...Thanks?

Porsche, bewildered: What do you mean?

Vegas: I mean, getting to the engagement ring stage was never worth the hassle because people thought it gave them the right to do things I would never permit.

Macau, way too invested and hasn't stopped recording: Hey, Hia, what do you think an engagement ring represents?

Vegas: You know, it is when the transaction is almost permanent but isn't.

Porchay: ...The engagement ring purchase?

Vegas: No, the romantic one.

Tankhun: Romance is not a transaction!

Vegas: Yes it is!

Pete:

Vegas: Except Pete. Pete is different.

Porchay, starting to pull out his phone and make a search: How is Pete different from the others?

Vegas: I feel things.

Kinn: Did you not feel things with Porsche?

Vegas: No.

Kim: Did you not feel things with Tawan?

Vegas: No, was I supposed to?

The worst part about that night is how genuine Vegas sounded about everything. Of course, Vegas wakes up hungover the next day and Pete is suspiciously quiet and looking at him but won't tell Vegas anything besides a lot of things about their relationship makes sense now.

Porchay is the first one to visit Vegas after that night and teams up with Macau to make a presentation about why Vegas might be demiromantic and why that is fine but also he has a lot of reevaluating and (potentially) apologizing to do-

It is a very eye-opening presentation, but what do you mean when Vegas was fucking around with whoever Kinn was romantically into at the time Kinn felt the same way towards that person the way Vegas feels about Pete?

Vegas: I get why you didn't kill Tawan now.

Kinn: Uh-huh.

Vegas: I mean, I couldn't figure out how you could stand him. I still can't figure out how you can stand Porsche, but at least he has redeeming assets. Tawan wasn't even good-looking-

Kinn, blood vein pulsing: Uh-huh.

It takes Kinn and Tankhun a while to rationalize one of the reasons Vegas was like that was because he didn't understand. Unfortunately for Vegas, this means Tankhun has dragged him in for a romance movie marathon since Vegas might finally understand which Pete has no interest in saving him from. Surprisingly, Vegas gets into the romantic dramas genre and becomes Tankhun's new discussion buddy.

With all of the demiromantic reveals, Pete asks if this means him and Vegas can get married since Vegas now knows what engagement ring actually means and symbolizes and Vegas confesses they have been legally married for years he just never told Pete because he didn't want to think he was manipulating him.

Pete: Wait, but if you thought romance was a business transaction why did you get us legally married?

Vegas: I didn't want you to be able to return me.

Pete: ...I am choosing to find that sweet instead of another indicator we need therapy.

DEMIROMANTIC PETE

What? You thought we were done? Ha.

Fortunately, demisexual Pete is less of an essay because Pete's whole deal is he is more comfortable with violence than intimacy. Genuinely, almost every scene he has in KinnPorsche the Series supports this in one way or another such as the iconic scene of him pummeling Vegas before kissing him.

The only way this intersects with canon is Pete is in a different page as Vegas at points throughout the story.

I believe Vegas fell first but Pete fell harder. Since Pete, for this thought experiment, isn't on the aromantic spectrum, this means he is aware of the emotions he feels towards Vegas. To me, he simply denies them for a long time until his breakdown over the noodle bowl. That is the moment I believe everything crashes into him and he realizes he genuinely loves Vegas but knows their situations would prevent that.

Until, you know, the coup and everything.

It is simply the sexual aspect of their relationship Pete is behind on.

Now, I go in-between Pete being a virgin and him having some sexual experience before the safehouse sex scene, but I tend to lean toward him being a virgin because it is funnier.

After all, the idea of asexual spectrum Pete vaguely knowing what he likes from, like, porn, and offering the rope on a silver platter? Delicious. I love it. It is great fun.

Also, it is fun when Pete reveals he lost his virginity to Vegas at the safehouse and everyone has a what the fuck moment.

Mainly, because I believe Pete wouldn't give a shit about the concept of virginity or the importance placed on it. He seems to have bigger fish to fry, but since he is demisexual he never found anyone he was into like that.

Which brings me to the revelation!

This one starts with Porchay who is nervous about his first time with Kim, so he asks the others about their first times (for bonus points make Porchay ask about it at a family dinner). Porsche refuses to answer. Kinn is frustratingly vague. Vegas is frustratingly vague. Eventually, Porchay gets to Pete who dodges around the question for a while until Pete admits his first term was with Vegas in the safehouse. (Bonus points if this is the first time people learn more about what went down in the safehouse).

Initially, Vegas is preening like a peacock because he was his partner's first and he was so good (ignore the chains and bondage and the overall hostage situation) and no one else has ever seen Pete in the throws of pleasure besides him and Pete is his, his, his-

Until Porsche goes blastic because he assumes it was nonconsensual because he saw those wounds, which isn't an unfair assumption to make considering the situation around it was still questionable even though Pete went for it. Tankhun assumes the same thing.

Pete is quick to say it was consensual, which relieves Porchay and Macau though Tankhun and Porsche are definitely throwing Vegas nasty looks across the table. Though, Vegas doesn't really care because he was Pete's first and his dick made Pete change allegiances, so his dick game is clearly superior to Kinn's.

Sorry this was so long, but Demiromantic Vegas and Demisexual Pete, you know?

[wowthosearebigears]

I’m sorry, are there seriously people who are pessimistic about the next episode because Galadriel and Sauron probably aren’t gonna fuck on screen?? Like, I get the ship. I also enjoy it. But are y’all really out here feeling betrayed because their dynamic isn’t going to go beyond psychosexual tension? That’s already so compelling! Why would you set up these bizarre expectations and then decide to be devastated when they aren’t met?

[makorragal-312]

The only way I can think about Eddie's storyline without having a panic attack is if I think of his whole storyline in parts instead of a whole collective arc.

As in:

Part 1 is the Shannon aspect.

Part 2 is the catholic guilt/religious trauma aspect.

Part 3 is the queer awakening itself.

[heehoothefool]

"Are cishet ace/aro men queer" holy fuck you people are just awful huh. Really just showing that we haven't moved past the Basically Straight ideology.

As a cisgender, heteroromantic ace individual myself, allow me to tell you a little bit about myself.

I spent most of my life wondering what was wrong with me. I knew very quickly that many of the people who confessed their love for me would not want me the moment they found out I was averse to sex. I would daydream of various men I'd had crushes on over the years spending time with me in ways I was comfortable, but rarely did I confess my feelings because a simple saying rang in my ears.

"You'll never find a man who will love you without sex."

And the people in my Instagram DMs who would call me baby and then ghost me after they figured out the flag in my profile picture spoke volumes to that. I was only desirable because I was physically attractive. No one wanted to love my personality, not if they couldn't also fuck me. It just wasn't an option.

I have been ostracized. I have been told I don't belong. The straight community does not want me because I do not actively desire sex. The very people you're trying to lump me in with because I'm "basically straight" will not claim me because I am not like them.

I am The Other. I am Less Than. I am Strange. I am Queer.

A person born male, who identifies as a man, and is attracted to women exclusively but only in one way (romantic) or the other (sexual) is queer.

That is a man who either does not desire sex, and is therefore Not Really A Man by society's gender standards and expectations, or does not desire a romantic relationship/wife/girlfriend and is called a manwhore dirtbag who sleeps around or is asked eternally by family and maybe partners who don't get it When He's Going To Get Married.

To be straight requires you to identify with your gender assigned at birth, to feel romantic attraction to the opposite gender exclusively, to feel sexual attraction to the opposite gender exclusively, and to only desire monogamy in that relationship.

A man, born a man, who is not romantically attracted women, but sexually attracted to them, is not straight.

A man, born a man, who is romantically attracted to women, but not sexually attracted to women, is not straight.

There is no debate. Yes, even the Demisexuals and Demiromantics. Yes, even the ones who are capable of feeling these things only under the right conditions.

They're all queer. Every single one. Because they deviate from the idea that Every Man Wants To Fuck A Woman And Be A Loving Husband By Default.

If you disagree with any part of this post get the fuck off my blog. If you try to start shit in the notes or in my asks you're getting blocked.

We're here. We're queer. Fucking deal with it.

[suitmana]

i guess in general i want to see more platonic interactions with the girls, the dates are cute but their friendships are just as meaningful. including their friendships outside of elise

also we were so robbed of the sleepover. just them staying up late, swapping stories of rozenmarine's travels and all the shenanigans the girls got up to in kieferberg as kids. leb starting a pillow fight and the girls scrambling to retaliate (freya comes out on top, naturally). the poly lgts agenda is real and i love it, but also consider that they would be an insane friend group actually

as much as i love the leblise gay moments, the idea of them just shooting the shit in between their work is great. think casual leblise hangouts that turn kind of unhinged when lebkuchen gets a little too bored and elise has no choice but to go along for the ride, father hans be damned

[escxelle]

about astarion and love

"astarion would never buy flowers for you like wyll or wax poetry for you like gale" etc. etc. blah blah blah

i hear people say this all the time and they always say it as if that's a bad thing.

like have you considered that not everyone wants traditional grand romantic gestures? astarion doesn't offer a fairytale romance, declaring his love from the rooftops of a burning building but he does offer a loyal companionship, a soft gentle romance that's just as meaningful.

you can yap yap yap all you want but i got the line "i'll be here when you're ready. i'll always be here, my love" in the final camp scenes which, yes, does show his committment and loyalty to you. he doesn't kiss you in the epilogue but he does hold your hand and he says that whatever the future holds, you'll be facing it together.

because astarion needs a companion more than a lover and honestly if you say that he needs a friend more than a lover after he confesses to you in act 2 (before you defeat ketheric in moonrise), his reaction is so much more meaningful than if you select any of the romance options (imo at least). he cares more about your companionship than he does your romance so no, he doesn't do traditional grand romantic gestures that you see in fairytales but that does not mean he cares about you or loves you any less than any of the other companions do.

soft astarion does exist canonically in the game so it's not ooc. his softness isn't like the other companions because astarion's trauma is vastly different to any of the other characters in the game. and no this softness is not infantilising him.

if you choose to romance astarion then you've chosen a lifelong loyal companion, who yes, will sometimes most likely kiss and tease you, flirt and sleep with you but that is not the main takeaway from that relationship. he probably won't even tell you that he loves you that often (like in the actual game itself) but it will be in his actions and his other words.

even in the game, astarion tells you that he wants you to see him as more than sex because he has a very difficult relationship with sex and romance. hence why he will decline having sex with the drow twins, hence why he's fine with you sleeping with halsin and he even asks if it's because the two of you haven't had sex in a while etc. etc. there are so many other examples i can list here. and furthermore, if you do choose the "you need a friend more than a lover" option after his act 2 confession, he says that he's had countless lovers but he cannot remember ever having a single friend.

i personally headcanon astarion as demisexual and demiromantic (yes i'm largely projecting but shhh) maybe even aroace so that your relationship is more of a queer platonic relationship because his post-game scenes are focused more on your companionship than your love or sex life (and because of all the other examples i used). me having this headcanon does not mean that i am infantilising him either by the way, you don't have to have sex to be an adult.

anyway, i'm rambling at this point but astarion is so dear to my heart so it upsets me so much when people just boil his character down to "hot sexy flirty vampire" or say that his romance is boring compared to the others because he doesn't love you like the others do etc. etc.

soft astarion my beloved <3 and yes he does exist (and no for the third time, this is not infantilising!)

(fyi i am only talking about spawn astarion here, ascended astarion can go rot in a coffin for all i care)

[victor-v]

i don't think most people understand the importance of neil being openly and unapologetically demisexual. when he was written and the books were published the information about the ace spectrum was so scarce and no one talked about it. personally thanks to this character i got to understand a part of my identity that made no sense for my whole life, suddenly he was saying i don't swing and i mean it the only one im interested in is you and my brain exploded a little and opened the door to actually do some research on it and things made sense. which maybe i would have figured out eventually, but that level of understanding added to showing the importance of consent and boundaries truly rewired my brain (for the better)

this means so much to me

[dunmeshi-darlings]

"you cant ship izutsumi with anyone in the cast she is a child!!"

or

"you cant ship izutsumi with anyone she is canon aro/ace!"

Firstly, Its fiction and people can do whatever they want in fiction it does not matter.

But also, this just isnt correct? izutsumi is considered an adult in the dungeon meshi world with multiple sources proving this.

Here We have the Race bio for teh tall-men race, here it lists ever bit of information about tall men from where they are most common, to hieghts, notable tall-men characters including our favorite cat girl izutsumi.

Here we see that the age of maturity is specifically listed as 16 years of age. That at 16 years old in dungeon meshi, Tall-men are considered adults. Maybe this isnt good enough proof for you, well thats fine the words "age of maturity" are a bit vague. However we have this bit of dialogue between Laios, Chilchuck, And Marcille

Laios Specifically uses the word "adult" Because thats what it is, At 16 the Tall-Men are Adults. Adults who can Do adult things like Join the army, Go out and live on their own, Look for Love and Romance and sexual relationships. Want more proof of that? i can do that

Here we see that Chilchucks daughters Plan to try and seduce and romance Laios, Wanting to engage in a relationship with this new king. As for the ages? Chilchucks daughters are all between 14-16

Puckpatti is the youngest at 14

Flertom is the middle child at 16

And finally meijack who is also 16, however she must be older than flertom as she is referred to as "big sis".

As for laios? We know he is 26 years old.

So here we have two half foots who are 14 and 16 wanting to try and seduce King laios, who is 26 years old. A full 10+ year age gap between them, but it doesnt matter because as Flertom herself says

"But wont it embaras you, dad? To have three ADULT daughters who are unmarried?"

She literally says adult, because thats what chilchucks daughters are, they are adults because they fall into the age of maturity for half foots. (which is stated here)

So because they are at least 14, they are considered an adult and can try and romance king laios, a man who is 26 years old and chilchuck isnt upset at that because they are adult women (just upset that its laios of all people)

So if Chilchucks daughters at ages 14-16 are called adults, The half foot age of maturity is listed as 14, and they call THEMSELVES adults, and are shown showing romantic interest with a 26 year old man. Its safe to say that they are adults in every sense of the word, meaning that age of maturity is when the individual of that race is considered an adult, as for izutsumi?

She is listed as 17 years old, a full year past the age of maturity for Tall-men. Aka, a full year past when a tall-man is considered an adult, therefore by all the rules of the dungeon meshi world she is an adult.

As for the Aro/ace part? there is no specific wording for it besides these parts in the succubus arc

Here we see her say "i dont have a type or anything that im attracted to, so ill be fine."

Here we see the succubus take the form of izutsumis mother (or her supposed idea of her)

As somebody who is asexual (yes little lore drop about yours truly, i am actually ace myself) this doesnt strike me as her being asexual. That isnt to say you cant headcanon her as ace, thats your right and i fully support that especially being ace myself. But that doesnt make it canon though.

I personally headcanon her as demisexual, but i know that also isnt canon. and i dont want to try and claim it is.

[saccharineomens]

i've been poking at this too long to care how visually appealing it is anymore. My headcanons for the main characters' sexualities, based on canon information! (has no bearing on ships.) Canon speculation below the cut.

marcille (bi): fascinated by romance and loves romance. we only see her show explicit interest in a male (fictional character (General Halleus from the book series she loves)), but i don't think she's fully straight.

falin (aro? ace? lesbian? genderqueer?): falin's only interest in relationships in canon is 'she considered accepting shuro's proposal because she was afraid nobody else would want her, but felt it'd be unfair to him because she had no feelings for him'. i consider whether she's aroace or a lesbian or maybe bi/pan, and she also seems like she might have some genderqueer feelings, based on some of her discomfort with her body and wearing certain types of femme clothing. (Also the fact that she‘s part male dragon.) Since she ends the story going on a journey for herself, it feels like she'll finally get the chance to figure out what she wants.

laios (pan, demi): he hasn't shown explicit interest in men, but similar to marcille, i don't feel he's fully straight. He’s aesthetically attracted to monsters, at the very least, so gender probably doesn’t factor in for him. romance/sex just don’t seem to be much of a high priority to him in general, but he did think his ex-fiance was cute and didn't seem uncomfortable with the idea of marriage (just seemed unhappy with being trapped in his hometown), so i feel like demisexuality fits him well.

About his succubus: He was very noticeably not stopped in his tracks by it like Chilchuck and Marcille, but that could possibly be because it just….looked exactly like Marcille, not an obvious fantasy. He started blushing and stammering heavily when it turned into a monster, which like….this boy is definitely a furry/monsterfucker, if anything, but that doesn’t speak on his attraction to actual humans.

I think it speaks for something that the succubi are able to literally read minds and craft the perfect fantasy for their specific target. And for Laios, it wasn’t just “his friend Marcille”. It was a version of his friend Marcille that wasn’t grossed out by monsters, didn’t think he was weird for wanting to be one, and was able to turn Laios into one. It was a Marcille who understood him at his deepest level that made him become a blushing, stammering mess to rival Chilchuck. Which is why I think he’s Demi, and needs a strong emotional connection with someone before he finds them attractive.

kabru (pan): his special interest is people, and he's bold enough with his sexuality to kiss rin despite not being in a relationship with her. so being pan/bi feels appropriate.

chilchuck (bi): he has a wife, and they were childhood friends, so he's definitely allo. but his comments and behavior towards senshi makes me suspect he might be bi, and just never considered the possibility due to being in a committed relationship.

senshi (gay, ace): this is 90% off of vibes. he keeps to himself in the dungeon and doesn't seem to have any need for social company, he's a complete hermit. Being ace makes sense to me, but so would him just having a low social drive. His succubus was 'a woman he hadn't seen since he was a child', but his journal implies it wasn't a romantic/sexual attraction.

namari (bi/lesbian): she is at the very least attracted to women, given her behavior with kiki, but she does make a point to say that kaka is also attractive to her, and her friends at the bar tease her about Kaka being her “new” boyfriend (implying previous boyfriends).

shuro: the token straight (in love with falin, asked her to marry him). i love you shuro <3 (but i can also see him being into men. there's no evidence to the contrary)

izutsumi: aroace. literally no question. her succubus is her mother.

[artsymeeshee]

Hello,

I was wondering if maybe you could help me by explaining something?

So i hear about aromantic and asexual and aroace. I thought aromantic means like no romantic feelings and asexual is no interest in s**. But is aroace just a short ning of the word or does that mean something else?

Also how did you know? Im in my begin twenties and i dont feel any interests for either, but i dont know if i just havent met the right person or if those feelings are just not there at all.

I do think in tv shows its cute (romance like toh or some ships from the gf fandom) but in the real world.. i couldnt really be bother with it.

Aroace is a combination of Aromantic and Asexual. It's what's used when people identify as being Aromantic and Asexual. Aro's and Ace's are usually clumped together because they share having none or a lack of attraction but there are people who solely identify as being Aromantic or only identify as Asexual.

It's been an ongoing thing for me personally. I knew I was Asexual before knowing I was Demiromantic (Though I identified as Demisexual before realizing the demi part was for the romance side.) It was around 2017 when I came across the terms Asexual and Aromantic and things slowly started to click in and make sense. Meeting the right person idea was always on my mind back then and it kind of ate me up because there was a pressure behind it to try and find someone but I've slowly began to appreciate being in my own company.

And a lot of Aroaces do like shipping in fandoms. For some, it's just the practice in real life that just doesn't interest them at all. It's perfectly fine to identify as being Aroace and then something else down the road. I would look up microlabels for Asexuality and Aromanticism because there might be something that you feel strongly about that fits you. And like I said, don't feel bad if one label doesn't fit after a certain amount of time. You'll always find something that works.

[lunar-and-ardent]

The relationship of Tecna and Timmy is so romantic.

It may be not as visible, because the show has couples being romantic in a more classical way, but Timmy and Tecna actually have so many tender, gentle and vulnerable moments. They are so sweet together, and awkward, and then out of nowhere hit you with the deepest scenes imaginable. They are so Jane-Austen's-characters'-coded lol.

Like this short scene of a game from season 2 (first gif)??? This is so romantic and sensual, you wouldn't expect it from them.

Their conflict in the second season was that Tecna at first cared about rather performative bravery (literal fighting, close combat) + wanted something more than just talking about their hyperfixation. Timmy, on the other hand, thought in a more logical way: he knew his strengths, and that he's better at strategy and computers, and wasn't interested in posing as a hero just to feel good about himself (this scene where he realizes he isn't strong enough against Trix and so he gives away the Codex). He also wanted to get closer to Tecna, so it makes sense he tried to connect on their common hobby, at first not realizing that Tecna, with her emotional growth, started to want a little more than this. And you can understand them both, and both have good points.

And Timmy is a freaking badass. He always thinks logically (I'd argue that even more than Tecna, like this scene with Codex, where she called him a coward for not doing something that was doomed from the start), and so the scene in the third season hits so much. You know which one. All Winx cry and Riven tries to comfort Timmy (I really like the fact it's Riven who does that btw, but this is a material for another post), trying to bring reason to him, politely saying that there's no way Tecna is still alive, and Timmy says in a calm and sure way that he knows she is alive. If Timmy says something like that, you know he's right.

I guess the scene from the second season, when Winx go to fight Lord Darkar and specialists stay at the back, sums up their relationship in the best way: Timmy stays inside the ship, because it is his role to navigate it, and he and Tecna look at each other, just sighing each other's names (though they cannot hear it). Their love is so, so deep. And a relationship like the one they have wouldn't fit everyone, since both of them don't need to spend as much time together as others, nor do they have to say as much (but if they say how much they love each other, oh they say it), and they both share their hyperfixation/special interest, but all of this works perfectly for them. They're a match made in heaven. And come to think of that, we have this popular fanon that Tecna is on the spectrum of autism, but I wonder if there is any fanon like this for Timmy? I also feel like being demisexual or graysexual fits them both (maybe I just like the idea of Tecna, a character whose main arc is understanding and expressing emotions, feeling sexual desire only to someone who she has a strong connection with, I guess it feels kinda poetic to me).

[missmorize]

My Personal Alastor Headcanons

Not because I'm a simp or anything ahahahah.... All SFW aside from some cursing of course. :)

I am sleep deprived and stupid so some of these maybe shit and have terrible spelling errors. My mind is running at 3% and some of these were spontaneously made up because that's how my mind works. Enjoy.

📻 Viv let us play with Alastor's sexuality and so I hc he is demisexual (totally not me projecting and basing it off my own experiences, nahhhh...) and he rarely falls for anyone, but when he does he falls HARD.

• That being said, the flirtation begins. He is terrible at it... He respects boundaries and is incredibly respectful but he 100% butchers pickup lines because he genuinely thinks our generation likes those.

- "If you were a vegetable you would be a cucumber."

- "Do you have an extra heart? Mine was stolen."

- Can demons have strokes? That's probably what you are saying

- Angel Dust hears and DIES. Surprisingly gives some solid advice.

- "Stop with the pick-up lines. Just be yourself and it'll work, trust me, ya weirdo..."

- So he does. AKA secretly follows you, will randomly spawn to open doors for you or pull out chairs, chivalry isn't dead, dear! Also tells you about his grizzly murders in his lifetime, if anyone disrespects you prepare for your knight in shoulder pads, will be slick and dedicates one of his radio shows to you and plays an old song from his day. Makes you SWOON. Angel is proud.

- Also likes dates to Cannibal Town and introduces you to Rosie. She thinks you are the cutest thing in the world, prepared to be coddled by both.

📻 He likes to play dress up with you if you let him. Picking out your wardrobe is SO fun for him.

📻 Is a top tier cook. Usually prefers meat and will cook that for you, but if he finds out you are a vegan/pescitarian/etc he will do that. Gets excited when you compliment his cooking.

📻 HE HAS A SECRET TAIL HE IS ASHAMED OF AND I WILL NOT HIDE IT. I LOVE WHEN POWERFUL CHARACTERS HAVE A MILD INCONVENIENCE THAT MAKES THEM LESS SCARY.

📻 He learns words and if it's not from Rosie... Be prepared because it gets bad and gets cringe.

- "Ah! Darling, I heard some demons today as I was on a stroll, they were from your era. What is a mee-mee?"

- "I see... I see. They also said the word "gyatt" to a woman, I assume that is a compliment, so my dear, you have a-"

- You stop him right there, explains what that means and he short circuits. He walks over to the corner and just places his head against it. "I would like to be alone for a while..."

- "If mama knew I said this she would beat my ass to next Tuesday..."

📻 I know it says he's not big on touch but I HC he really doesn't care. He never seems to show any recoil from it, but maybe its just if its strangers?

📻 Will educate you on everything he knows on the macabre and morbid.

📻 Will FORCE you to sit down and check out vintage stuff. Watching TV? Not anymore, there is a microphone cane through it. Charlie has bought you like six phones now...

📻 He is overall an attention seeking puppy.

📻 Does things that get him praise. He WANTS his ego boost and knows you'll give it to him.

📻 Gossips with you about everyone and anything, listens to you rant and will give some genuinely good advice unless its like about an ex or something.

- "Simple, dear! Just kill them."

📻 Jokingly (?) tries to get you to sell your soul to him.

- "All in jest, don't worry! I think the look on your face is HILARIOUS!"

📻 If he sees you upset he tries to make you smile.

📻 If you are short he will put things on the top shelf and stifle a laugh as he watches you try to get it. Bless Husk and Angel for getting it for you.

📻 Angel is the only male he doesn't really have a problem with, hence when he hears about Valentino he has a bit of anger, also just because he thinks hes gross and perverse. Someone like that doesn't deserve to be breathing.

📻 Whiskey is his forte. VERY picky with his drinks, he doesn't like the cheap stuff like Husk does. A lot of people say he drinks wine but I imagine he only likes the hard stuff.

📻 He is the type of man to leave the toilet seat up. Vaggie has voiced her opinions on it.

📻 When he got Niffty out of that toilet he probably waited until the bubbles almost stopped. He's a little bit of an asshole.

📻 Actively pranks Husk. Someone save the cat-man...

- Switches his alcohol with non-alcoholic and sees how long it takes him to realize or get drunk even though he's not.

- Plays poker against him but will actively cheat to make sure he wins 100% of the time.

- Puts cucumbers down to scare the shit out of him.

📻 Since he is a deer demon (a Stag at that) he is VERY territorial, especially of the Hotel. This is HIS home. Will never admit it though.

📻 ✨Sweet Southern Boy✨ (Not really a HC I just wanted to say that, nor is he really sweet)

📻 He hides his accent. It will come out though when he is extremely extremely angry or when he is extremely relaxed.

📻 Will wake you up by staring in your face, you may or not have screamed once.

📻 Bullies Sir Pentious. He's still pissed about him ripping his tailcoat and he holds a grudge.

📻 Also not a headcanon but doesn't mind personal space, will come into the bathroom as you shower for conversation and draw on the steamed mirror. If you ask him to stop he will and completely understands.

📻 Sits and stares at a wall sometime.

📻 Gets everyone to taste his coffee, it is mostly coffee grounds.

📻 Has ate a dog demon on more than one occasion. Unapologetically.

📻 You know those compilations of like people getting hurt on youtube? If he used the internet that shit would be the funniest thing in the world to him.

📻 Uses 1920s slang to confuse everyone.

📻 Jealous.

- Plationic: Um... He's your best friend, right? Why are you giving attention to others when he is RIGHT THERE. Oh? They can do that, well he can do it ten times better. Watch what else he can do! Yeah, he's the coolest, right?

- Romantically: Time to butt heads and flex every possible way. Will RUIN the person's confidence, the psychological warfare begins. He is the better one and he must make it known. If they start flirting with you, blood will be spilled.

📻 When people try and lecture him it goes in one ear and out the other.

📻 His hair tufts are his ears, that may actually be canon, not sure.

- If he gets comfortable enough and you scratch behind they he MELTS. It scared him at first but once he first fell asleep it was nice.

📻 Will tell you about his mother constantly. Bases a lot of his morals and being a gentleman off how his mother taught him and treats women like ✨queens✨

📻 I HC one of his biggest problems with Lucifer and why they had tha number was because he was absent in Charlie's life so much and since his dad left him and his mother he believes absent fathers are the worst. He believes you have an obligation AS A FATHER to be the best you can be and raise your child.

- Absent father? Will bully so hard. He hates them to a fault, even if it wasn't their fault. He refuses to take criticism on it and its one of the things he is most stubborn about. Man got some daddy issues he doesn't want to talk about.

📻 His daddy issues lead to abandonment issues.

📻 His mom passing away will make him be extra attentive if someone he cares about is sick.

- Will check in and only really care if it's the girls.

- Will probably tell the guys to suck it up. Rip.

📻 Touch and affection starved and just doesn't show it. I don't care if it's not in character, let me project my issues in peace.

📻 Says the most out of pocket shit just for shock value.

📻 Rosie teaches him things he isn't allowed to say.

📻 His favorite body part to eat is the heart. He thinks it's poetic.

📻 Owns a record player because of course he does.

- If you want him to try modern day music, you best be getting vinyls.

- If you pull up Spotify he will feel betrayed.

- "So... My radio show isn't good enough? You need some... Application to play music for you?"

- Will guilt trip you and not feel bad. You already use phones and social media, like... Will only indulge if you play HIS type of music, and even then he will bitch about how it sounds better on the record player and how he play it on his show instead.

- I clearly know nothing about how radio shows work and I don't care.

⚠️Mildly suggestive depending on who you are:

📻 Likes boobs, he just likes sleeping on them. He was a mama's boy and he probably rested his head on his mother's chest all the time growing up.

[afreakingdork]

You Are My Sunshine, My Only Moonshine - Chapter 9

RotTMNT x Reader

I am constantly blown away by this chapter art by @yamin-yups

Rated: Teen and Up Audiences

Relationships: Michelangelo (TMNT)/Reader, Michelangelo (TMNT)/You, Donatello (TMNT)/Reader, Donatello (TMNT)/You

Warnings: POV Second Person, Gender Neutral Reader, Anxious Reader, Introverted Reader, Stuttering, Aged-Up Mutant Ninja Turtles, Romance, Love, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Unrequited Love, Rejection, Aromantic Asexual Michelangelo (TMNT), Bisexual Donatello (TMNT), Pansexual Leonardo (TMNT), Lesbian Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit, Demisexual April O'Neil (TMNT), Implied Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit/April O'Neil/Sunita, Endgame Donatello (TMNT)/Reader, Romantic Love, Platonic Love, Panic Attacks, Sexuality Crisis, Agoraphobia, Social Anxiety, Happy Ending, Fluff

Synopsis:  You’ve lost most of your life to anxiety and fear. Now, in your late 20s, you are desperate to reclaim it and during one such outing you encounter the sun personified. With his and his similarly celestially inspired family, will you finally reach your goal or will you lose yourself along the way?

This chapter contains reference to body dysmorphia. Remember that what you feel is completely valid, but we can sometimes see ourselves differently than we really are. Please keep yourselves safe.

Also available on Ao3

First 💛 Previous

“Maybe we take a break from going out into the packed public for once?” Mikey was upside-down, but compensated by holding his phone the opposite way. 

It put him right side up in the video chat, but the view was extra blurry. “Is that… okay?”

“I’m the one suggesting it!” Mikey stuck out his tongue, but his reflection seemed to confuse him on which way the appendage should go. “It’s been awhile. I haven’t been able to see you.”

“Yeah… well…” Though for you it would have been predictable, Mikey hadn’t felt the firsthand effects of your setbacks yet. 

Panic attacks always caused you to withdraw into yourself. 

You weren’t supposed to.

There were times when it was easy to keep going.

Others, such as now, left you homebound for as long as society allowed.

The push to normalcy now included your thoughtful friend.

“Do you know after my tremors went away, I spent months avoiding art because I was afraid of how it would look?” Mikey told you casually. 

You weren’t sure what he was talking about.

You tried to recall something about tremors, but came up short.

You wanted to ask more, but there was a more startling aspect than the content itself.

You couldn’t believe there was ever a period where Mikey avoided art as he had been nothing, but a loud proponent of all its merit.

“Why?”

“Because I knew my level and then… I didn’t. I knew I’d have to get back there. It was like riding a skateboard, but needing to take that time? For a second time. Chancing the bad result? It was like my healing was one thing and then by doing that it would show me just how much further I still needed to go. Like that dude with the cat and the box. I didn’t want to open it and find out. I couldn’t do it.”

“Isn’t the saying… something… about riding a bike?”

“We were skateboard tots!” Mikey rolled over and with it so did his camera, inverting the image.

You nodded lightly.

“I switched up crafts. Started new ones that weren’t so finger focused. Pour paints and candle work!” He made grabby hands at the lens as he fixed his phone angle.

“Something low key…” You hummed where you were sitting at the foot of your bed.

“Yeah, something quiet, calm, and… oh! Oh yeah!” There was another flip, but this one was out of excitement.

“D-don’t… bust through a wall…!”

Mikey appeared within a flurry of static. “Did you just make a Kool-Aid Man joke?”

“I make jokes!”

The wattage of his smile turned up to a blinding degree. “Well then I’ve got just the wall to bust through!”

-

“No.” Donnie glowered over his shoulder.

“Please!” Mikey bounced his plea with his head straight up to the ceiling of the garage you were currently in.

An oddity in the subway, but something you imagined had to exist based on logic, your eyes were openly roving around the tidy depot.

“Absolutely not.” Lifting out from under a hood and minding his head, Donnie craned an elbow to the engine block he was working on. “You know you’ve been banned.”

“One time!” Mikey groaned.

“No!” Donnie felt the need to rip off his leather work gloves to throw an unencumbered finger in Mikey’s face. “You were banned once after crashing eleven separate times!!”

“Eleven?!” You squeaked.

Mikey flipped back and forth between the two of you, obviously caught in who to address first. “My driving is fine!” He chose you and then flipped to Donnie. “I’ve changed!”

From the duffel that was slung around your body, you had already been clinging to the strap as it gave you something comforting to hold on to. With the new knowledge that you had almost been driven somewhere rural by someone with that kind of driving record, you now scooped up the entire sack to soothe yourself. 

“Forget that.” Donnie flicked his gaze to you. “You’d need a full crash suit to survive him.” He then folded his gloves into a pair and went to check his tool box.

You wilted further.

“We’re already packed!” Mikey rounded a new argument. “This is going to be our big, no-stress, relaxing getaway and you’re making it exactly not that!” 

“That’s unfortunate. The bus station isn’t far.” Donnie knelt down to get a wrench.

“And how’s that going to work!? We get dropped at some station and walk to the cabin!? You know it’s in the middle of nowhere!” Mikey stepped up to throw menace over his brother.

Donnie smelled it a mile away and lifted his head, pouring twice the malice. “Oh, you want to play?”

Mikey gulped and nodded his head once. “Let us borrow a car, the tank, a shell cycle, whatever! You’re being unfair!”

“Your planning is poor.” Donnie was slow to get on one knee. “You’re ill equipped.” To the other, he got a foot under him. “You’ve informed no one.” Rising to his towering height above his brother, he loomed. “You walk into my garage, where I am in the midst of my own personal and much needed zen in the form of refurbishing my newest baby and expect me to drop the keys of another into your hands knowing full well that you have destroyed more vehicles on more occasions than I can count on our joined mutant fingers and toes because you just so happened to suddenly decided that you needed to take a weekend trip with your friend of which whom you have a similar slapdash scheme going on with to go to our family’s cabin up north on a whim!?!”

Having watched Donnie not take a single breath, you backed up nearly the same distance that Mikey’s head had shrunk down into his shell.

“Y-yes?” Mikey peeped.

“No.” Donnie said the word firm and quiet, but punctuated it with a tap to Mikey’s plastron which caused the stiff turtle to fall over. “Now leave me to my work.”

Only a shell laying there, you leaned forward to look over Mikey without compromising your spot.

Donnie swung his wrench and moved over to a creeper with the intention to disappear under what looked like a turtle-themed moon buggy.

“You-” Your voice echoed in the garage and you tensed up.

Mikey’s head emerged from his shell to peek at you.

Donnie halted his motion, but didn’t turn.

“You… um… could… come with us?”

You watched Donnie’s lips wobble with disdain.

“N-Not a-as a d-driver! Y-you said…”

In a loud pop, all of Mikey’s limbs emerged. “That’s a great idea!!!”

In a smooth rotation, Donnie both turned and lifted his wrench with a threat.

Mikey crab walked several paces away.

“I’m disappointed.” Donnie sent a glare in your direction. “If your thought is even-” He caught a glimpse of his wrench. “-5/16ths as moronic as his then you are banned from the garage itself. Know that, would you still like to continue speaking?”

Gaze plummeting, your heart tried to escape and you screwed the whole of you shut to keep it inside.

Your entire body shook with the force of your nerves and you had to wait until your BPMs dropped to a manageable limit before you could manage speech. “You… said… m-much needed… so maybe… the trip would… well… be calming… for you too?”

There was a clink of metal hitting the ground.

Banned.

You were banned from the garage.

That was fine.

In theory, it wasn’t.

In theory, you were mortified.

Despite your best efforts, you had never been banned from anything.

Now you were.

A glaring dark spot on your permanent record.

Was Mikey a bad influence?

“You do say driving gets your mind off things…” Mikey said with a sudden supportive starkness.

You kept your gaze firmly rooted to the floor in shame.

“Also hold up!” In a slap of feet against concrete, Mikey righted himself. “You take a few of those things back, Don! I may have pushed the idea through, but it was not poorly planned or ill equipment or whatever you said! Y/N worked crazy hard on putting together everything in the short time frame I laid out!!”

You twitched.

“There’s maps, multiple trails marked, a calculated amount of water, with extra rations, flares… Like do you think this other bag is mine? Heck no! I’m not bringing anything! Both these bags are Y/N’s! They’re both stuffed with… stuff! Like-like!” You felt Mikey come over to you. “How you contacted the ranger’s station to tell them we’d be in the area? I’ve never even thought of that! We’ve never done that have we, Dee?”

Donnie continued his bout of silence that you didn’t dare look upon.

“What else…?” Mikey slapped his forehead. “I mean, come on! I can’t even remember it all!”

“I… got that satellite phone… you were pretty excited… about it.” You mumbled to the ground.

“With the backup batteries, Donald!” Mikey hummed a self-important sound. “The backup batteries!!”

The garage made it very clear that Donnie was walking over to you.

You bounced ever so slightly to garner the courage to meet his eye.

“Who did itinerary?” Donnie asked. 

“Me.” Mikey remarked casually.

“I assume food too?” Donnie’s voice was heavy with judgment. 

“Nope.” You could see a swoop as Mikey folded smug arms.

“That’s not quite…” You cleared your throat. “Mikey… shared his… favorite dishes that you… all make…when you… go.”

Donnie dipped into your eye line and you startled.

He’d bent at his waist and come down at a perfect angle.

You stared with warped lips.

“How long?” He narrowed his gaze.

“T-the trip?” Your gaze wobbled.

Mikey opened his mouth and Donnie threw out an arm that, by the sound, must have slapped the younger in the face.

“Yes.” Donnie kept his hand in place.

“Tonight… tomorrow… back Sunday?”

“Is that a question?” Donnie’s head tilted.

Mikey grunted, annoyed.

“No…” You got out, quiet.

“You agreed knowing full well you’d be alone with him?”

Slapped with a similar heat from the first time you’d realized that fact, you gave a tight nod.

‘We have separate rooms!’ Mikey mumbled through closed lips with surprising clarity.

“And that’s okay?” Donnie disappeared.

You chased him up to find he’d released Mikey and was waiting on him for an answer.

“It’s a no brainer.” Mikey nearly rolled his eyes. 

Donnie’s brow lowered, unsatisfied.

“Yes, it’s okay because it isn’t a thing.” Mikey huffed around his clarification.

“I suppose… I’ve been persuaded.” Donnie looked down thoughtfully and you watched him trace back to where he’d dropped his wrench.

Mikey jumped into the air with a sudden bout of energy and caught your hands to spin you.

“Y-y-yay!” You stutter, stalling on the rotation.

“Cabin, here we come, baby!” Mikey cheered. 

“I need my things!” Donnie barked. “And you.”

You jolted. “Y-yes?”

“You will send me triplicate copies of your plans.”

“S-sure…” You spastically patted yourself down for your phone.

“I refuse to engage with either of your antics.” Donnie’s own appeared in his hand. “I am no third wheel. I am coming because I will apparently have to deal with your whining otherwise and because I am not in the mood for the lecture from Nardo and Raphael when they return.”

“Have they texted yet?” Mikey peered over Donnie’s shoulder.

“No. Security detail means one must pay-” Donnie suddenly dropped and ducked through Mikey’s legs in one fluid movement. “-attention. This is why you weren’t requested.”

“And why didn’t they request you, hm?” Mikey pushed his lips into one corner of his mouth.

“Because…!” Donnie trailed off with widened eyes. “My talents lie elsewhere! Enough interruptions. I will drive and then you will leave me be! I am to have my zen! Is that understood?”

“Yeah, yeah, crystal.” Mikey finally did roll his eyes.

Donnie took a few steps away as you found your phone and held it unsure of how to send him the details.

“He’s totally going because he heard ‘yakiniku’ when you mentioned we were making my favorite foods.” Mikey walked over to you with a smirk.

You watched Donnie take an irritated pause before continuing on to get his things.  

-

The ride in the tank had passed with booming music and a tour from Mikey that you only visually participated in because you were terrified to move about the cabin. The younger seemed not to notice as he explained parts with stories more than function. Donnie alternatively, had shades on that further marred his calculated expression and he said nothing as the studious driver.

Leaving the city and entering scenic woodlands, you were soon left to admire the views until you eventually deviated off the road toward the cabin. Tracking it with the little local map you had found, you busied yourself in the comfortable way that most people disliked on road trips: silence in a cozy bubble all your making.

There didn’t have to be talk, that’s what road trip mixes were for.

You only made exceptions for car games. 

You liked that they had simple rules and there were little stakes to be had. 

You only wished cars were safer modes of transport.

There was also something to be said about environmental impact and the culture of automobiles in America, but other than that, you found them nice.

Pulling up to what you imagined was a quiescent place, Mikey could not be restrained a second longer.

Out of the tank in a flurry, you watched through the windshield as his form screamed straight up the cabin’s steps. “He doesn’t do great on car rides, huh?”

“Sitting still for too long? Michael?” Donnie rose from the captain’s chair.

You gave a small smile and gathered up the few things you’d taken inside with you. Your actual bags were stored in an outer compartment and Donnie waited for you as a safety net as you made the harrowing steps down the tank ladder and to the ground. Landing with little fault, you joined him in getting the luggage until Mikey tore back over to grab some of the load. He talked loudly of dust that had accumulated and Donnie griped at him that it was obvious they’d need to clean.

You fondly watched the two bicker and set-up became the next directive. Throwing back plastic sheets that coated furniture, Donnie had a multitude of inventions to clear the space quickly. You had to run to the windows to release the dust tornadoes formed. Making it out mostly unscathed, you then helped Mikey hang bug nets. With the late Spring weather warming the air, soon everything was prepped and Mikey did a little closing dance number, capping off the preparatory part of the trip.

“Swimming hole time!” Mikey cheered and then turned knowingly on Donnie. “Then BBQ and prompt lights out so I can make a lumberjack breakfast first thing!”

“We’re grinding beans… we roasted…” You offered softly. “Uh… Coffee… beans… that is…”

“Oh yeah, I forgot we took that class.” Mikey chuckled. “You almost fell into that sack!”

You squashed a noise of distress at the memory.

Understanding the schedule, Donnie dismissed himself with a turned foot and headed to one of the cabin’s many rooms. You were left to look about the quintessential log cabin where the huge living space and connected kitchen then butted up against a row of doors. They spoke of many rooms that traced the back of the cabin and then up a staircase to a second floor. From what you could see, there were about eight rooms in all. The entire cabin then had a wraparound porch that extended into the wilderness. It was land that both belonged to nature and not, but Mikey had been cagey about revealing property lines. 

“Welp!” Mikey folded his hands on his hips. “Your boy needs to get wet before he explodes.”

You gawked at him.

“Seriously!” He was looking out over the cabin with a vacant stare that held a sort of unhinged quality. “First the car, then stuck inside? This is not an inside trip. if I am not unleashed in the next, oh I don’t know… 2 minutes, I’m going to lose it!”

“Uh…!”

“You got those trail maps?” He turned, both looking through you and not at.

“Y-yes!”

“I color coded the one to the watering hole. Orange, obviously.” Mikey approached with a waggling brow ridge. “I saw you in the car, keeping perfect pace. It was awesome.”

“Just to s-stay b-busy!”

“Uh huh! Your smile said otherwise! You’ll meet me there then! Same way!” He patted your shoulder once with a whack before bolting out the door.

You stared after him now knowing why he’d chosen to travel in his swimsuit.

Looking down at your road trip ensemble, you still felt sure of your decision to take the few hour drive comfortably.

There was a noise of a door opening and Donatello emerged, changed into a casual outfit punctuated by purple swim trunks.

You stared at him and felt a little like a caught fawn.

Donnie took you in before his gaze dulled with understanding. “He ditched you.”

“I’m… going to meet him.”

“He always does this.” Donnie responded dismissively. “You should have seen him in time out as a tot.”

“Oh?”

“One minute in time out for him was comparative to thirty for the rest of us.” Walking around a large kitchen bar, Donnie studied the rations.

You took a few steps toward him for the sake of it.

“He’s so impatient.” Donnie murmured, poking several waters aside to find a carton of juice boxes that Mikey had insisted on. He quickly tossed the set into the fridge. “He’s not even an aquatic turtle.”

You sort of wished you had done more research past looking up pictures of their species.

“You’re losing daylight.” He emerged from the fridge. “Or are you not swimming?”

“I-I am…!” You squeezed a fist to your chest. “Are… you coming too?”

Donnie blinked slowly at you. “No, why?”

“Oh…” You shouldn’t have assumed. He’d already told you otherwise. “Sorry… your bottoms… I thought…”

“Board shorts.” He punctuated the words with an odd accent.

You gave an unsure nod.

“I’m glad their sign was translated.” He glanced down at himself.

“Sorry…” You murmured when he made no further movement and quickly left to avoid any awkwardness.

You weren’t sure what you expected.

It’s not like you wanted to exclude Donnie.

You knew that pain too well.

You also didn’t want to make him feel unwelcomed.

You were painfully aware of that too.

He hadn’t wanted to be a third wheel and you had made it a silent mission to keep that from happening.

Something else you’d experienced in the past, you’d been the unwilling chaperone on more than one occasion just to satisfy parent’s minds. The good one, in their minds, you had always been ditched and the feeling wasn’t one you cared for. Shoving past the bygone era, you were seen now and you tried to relish that.

The sun’s attention was a fickle thing, but you were getting more use to losing Mikey’s. Something you thought should scare you, instead you felt your friendship with Mikey was stronger than ever. You no longer feared losing him in the same intangible way and you weren’t sure if you should crop that up to Mikey’s feelings about you. Instead it felt as though you’d reached a better status quo where Mikey’s running off felt more like the sun moving on its predetermined rotation. It would eventually round back to you and in that way you expected Mikey’s claustrophobia even if you hadn’t known about it.

You picked a room at random and rummaged through the duffel that you placed on your bed. There was a woodsy smell that teetered on musty in a way that spoke of it being well lived in even if its occupants only came every so often. You had your own little stand up mirror, nightstand, dresser, and a closet though you doubted you’d use anything past the first. Pulling out a single slick piece of black fabric, you double checked the door was closed before changing.

The perfect swimsuit was one you hadn’t imagined you’d find. Not one for flashy things, you only wanted a muted cover that also happened to cover you. Water did unimaginable things to fabrics and you hated the way it clinged. You wanted something you could disappear in, that brought no unnecessary attention, and could be forgotten on your end. Finding it in a matter of minutes into shopping as opposed to the years it took when you were younger, the item had even been on sale.

Stepping into it and pulling it up, you shimmied into the fabric and turned for that same show stopping image you’d seen in the changing room.

What stared back was an image of allure.

No.

That was wrong.

That’s not what it had looked like.

It had covered you.

It hadn’t accentuated anything.

It was simple.

You squirmed, changing angles in hopes that it would get better, but each only revealed more.

What had changed?

You’d purchased it this week.

Were you hallucinating?

Was there something in the wooden walls?

Had the tank crashed and this was you playing out some morbid purgatory?

You pinched yourself.

A sting bit your forearm and you threw your gaze back at the mirror for the unwilling shapes it concocted.

This wasn’t right.

You wanted to swim.

There was no way you could.

Miserably turning away from your image, you rooted through your bag for a cover up. Finding one in some oversized t-shirt you’d brought for comfort, you held it and hated that this wasn’t the way you imagined it would be employed. You figured it’d be a back-up pajama top and not something to hide your shame away in. Clinging to the fabric, you hastily pulled it over your head with an imaginary clock ticking away because Mikey was waiting.

You were ruining everything.

Stumbling out into the living room, you found yourself alone.

Momentarily thrown, but shaking off how Donnie wasn’t a priority right now and the guilt that came with that, you went for your pile of maps. Finding the trail one with the orange lines, you gathered some shoes and careened down the porch.

Buzzing insects mocked your sloppy descent as you rotated the map to be on your course. Following it more than your way, you took the necessary inlet and folded its winds to a drawn T. Bushes and trees concealed you, but the splashing of what was beyond reached your ears faster than you’d hoped. A journey not long to its destination, you slowed as you came to the final bend. You could hear Mikey blabbing presumably to himself as he hooted before resounding sloushes followed. In your mind he jumped off some kind of ledge, you took a deep breath before making the final steps leading to the watering hole.

Somewhere quaint if you had the perspective for such a thing, a tree towered comfortably overtop a sizable pool. One mucked up from algae as the little stream feeding into it didn’t stir the water near enough, you watched roiling green as Mikey emerged with a flip of his wet hair.

“Y/N!” Mikey shouted happiness. “You made it! Come on in! The water’s fine!!” He swam backwards as if giving you room.

The guilt was staggering.

No, Mikey.

I won’t be swimming today.

My body looks like shit and I can’t stand it.

I’ll watch you though.

Have all the fun.

You deserve it.

Signing off your name, you slunk forward only to clip a sight of mixed purples.

Donnie craned his neck back to view you from beneath a large sun hat he’d put on. Sitting on a few rocks that made up the closest edge to you, his lids lowered in a way that said he was reading you like a book.

Hating how he did that, you squeezed the bulky hem of your shirt and walked up. “Uh… M-Mikey…?”

“A-yup!” He stopped splashing to hear you better.

“The… um… car ride… sort of took… more out of me than… I thought? Would it be alright if-!”

“You don’t have to swim.”

You blinked wide and over to him.

“If you don’t want to, don’t!” Mikey continued on. “Let’s compare: are you upset I’m swimming when you don’t want to?”

“O-of c-course not!”

“Then why should I care in the reverse?” He fell back and floated, eyes closed, on his shell.

That was right in a way.

Sweet in another.

You wished you’d put together the same reaction.

Inching closer, it felt like pouring water into an overtaxed bucket.

Another guilty drop in your damnation.

You’d seen your friend in a bad light.

Shirking all the more, you toed off your shoes and let your feet lay flat on one of the worn rocks. It put you near Donnie who’d become the moon on a sunny day’s backdrop. He shined upon the same stone and illuminated its age. The rocks were older and wiser than you’d ever be. They never worried about getting wet. They only knew how to exist, something you wished came as easily to you. Sitting down because you needed more of you to drink from the stone’s wisdom, you kept a lowered head to the water’s edge. It sloshed in a beckoning way and you imagined it too would feel good in a different way. 

You really had wanted to swim.

Imaging your tears would do little to fill up the pool while also overflowing it, you heard a tepid sigh beside you.

Eyes wide and shooting up across the pond, you then turned to where you’d sat down next to Donnie.

Someone who you mistakenly forgot about during your pity party.

How was that for a third wheel?

“It’s always something with you.” He spoke softly.

“Sure is.” You gave an awkward laugh.

“That’s…” He made a little concerned noise. “… I didn’t mean it in a cruel way.”

“You didn’t have to. It is.” You threw your legs off the rock and threatened to drown your toes in the water. “It’s a cruel fate. I’m…” You remembered yourself. “Sorry. Nothing. What are you doing here?”

“My species is aquatic.”

You snuck a glance. “You’re pretty dry then.”

“You are too.”

You frowned deeply and watched Mikey pick up a sun drunk grin as he spread his limbs out to float on. “I don’t know why I feel like this. Everything was fine before…”

“With what?”

“This…” You threw a hand over yourself. “Stupid ugly swimsuit.”

You could feel Donnie’s gaze linger.

“Just trust me.” You folded your legs against yourself.

 “I’m not sure I do.”

You squinted at the glistening water before looking at him.

“I barely know you.” He responded simply, waiting there.

“Oh.”

“Disappointed?”

“In what?” Your ugly side was leaking far beyond the reach of what your shirt could cover. “I didn’t think you trusted me. You may have been wrong about me being bad, but that wouldn’t make you less suspicious. So it’s not that. What’s left? The swimsuit sucks. It’s not like you wanna drool over it. I don’t want anyone too. I wanted to swim.”

Hearing your wish aloud, you pressed hard on your chest with your legs.

You could flatten out your entire form if only you were malleable.

“The water is opaque. I can alert Mikey and we’ll turn away so you can get in.”

You felt too far gone for solutions.

You weren’t worth the trouble.

Burying your chin into your knees, you stewed.

“You know how many times the others have made fun of my board shorts?”

You told yourself you didn’t care.

If that was the case then Donnie didn’t either. “Hundreds, though it might be my attitude when wearing them. I like the excuse. To have my day off and not worry about pleasantries. To not have to tailor myself to others. I can tell them to shove it. It’s my day off and how I look isn’t anyone’s damn business.”

Sounded like an odd hill to die on.

“Everyone should have those days.” Donnie craned his arms behind him and leaned back to soak up the rays he was in.

The tree overhead was clipping your light.

Donnie was free. 

Mikey was free. 

Head lifting a little, you pondered your friend.

He’d needed to get out and he did.

Now he was a vision, glowing amongst the pool.

In contrast there was you, wadded up and tossed away without even giving yourself the chance.

Another terrible reminder that this was the point.

This was what you were trying to avoid.

This was what you were trying to learn from.

Mikey didn’t even have to do anything to be himself.

He just was.

Instead of his usual bustle of light, he shined by matter of existence.

That was why you chased him. 

You wanted that. 

Staring at him until sun spots mucked up your vision, you turned the mass to Donnie.

Beside you in the same pose, he was more calculated.

He had to put on his wares.

His was an unseen struggle you hadn’t considered.

No one gleamed quite like Mikey.

That didn’t mean they didn’t shine in their own right.

Donnie’s darkened scales only threw prisms in a different way.

The cool moon’s glow.

Letting your legs fall, this time your feet drew to the allure of the water.

Just out of reach, you stared hard, making sure the pair would keep their eyes closed.

The both of them were still as if asleep, but you waited past whatever insect was chirping before you slowly tugged your hem out from under you. Emerging without more than the sound of rustling fabric, you rolled your shirt up around your waist. The next move was one harder to conceal, you threw a desperate glance at your friend.

Water rocked the resting Mikey like a babe and you wanted to feel that too.

You wanted to be nestled by the sun’s glow.

You wanted to feel weightless and have those burdens removed.

You yanked the shirt over your head and dropped it to your side.

Donnie stirred at the sound, but didn’t open his eyes.

“It’s… It’s okay… I’m not… okay… but I think I… I don’t want to care…”

He cracked a lid and stared skyward.

“It looked so different in the store.”

“How so?” He asked a whispy cloud.

“It looked… I don’t know… covering? Like it didn’t… show any bits. Like it… hid them away.”

He blinked slow and comfortable. “I’m a designer, you know.”

“What?”

“Genius Built Apparel. Where fashion meets function.”

You stared on.

Of course he was. 

He also built a tank and a legion of dusting robots. 

If this were any other family you’d think he was pulling your leg. 

You’d seen more than enough to believe. 

Most of your stare came from the cocky name. 

Though even that made sense. 

Donnie was a carefully constructed sphere. 

Who were you to take away his gloating? 

He tilted his head just enough to glimpse your face. “I’m serious. I’ve dissuaded Mikey from many a faux pas.”

You shook your head.

“May I?”

“What?” You switched to eyeing him.

“I can take a clinical eye. Examine stitching. Find your err.”

You bounced one of your legs.

You did want to know where it had all gone wrong.

You could theoretically fix it then.

Wash this all away in the water you so desperately wanted to get in.

“You won’t make it weird?”

“I don’t drool on the metaphorical clock; you were right about that, but I understand your concern. I have accosted you before.”

“Different kind of weird. That was mean weird. You were a jerk weird.”

Donnie chuffed and it rolled down his plastron.

You watched it fall into his lap before forcing your gaze back to his face in a rush. “Promise… Promise I can pull your hat down if you… do anything.”

“I won’t so a simple enough agreement. Sure.”

“Go… ahead…” You folded your arms to your sides, obviously nervous as you listened to his clothes move.

In a twist, he was examining you and he gave a faint hum.

Not wanting to see exactly how he saw you and growing miserable, you stared into the water.

You could throw yourself in and be done with it.

“Here.” He spoke.

You moved to the sound on instinct and found him pointing to your hip.

His eye was indeed one you imagined a tired scientist gave the samples he was cursed to study.

You immediately relaxed. “What?”

“This ruching here is meant to cover cellulite when the fabric gets wet. When dry it acts a similar concealment, but the way the strips are sewn are for the first purpose.”

“Oh…” You tilted your head to look.

“Thing is, it’s also leading lines.” He didn’t get any closer, but he mimed tracing the seams of the fabric that curled around your hip and beneath where you were sitting. “It’s meant to direct the gaze to certain assets.”

 You blew out an annoyed breath.

“Dressing room mirrors, where I imagine you first saw this, aren’t slapped on walls without thought. They're engineered with angles and lightning to make clothes look as flattering as possible.” He brought his eye to yours. “Where did you see yourself today?”

“There’s a… mirror in my room.”

Donnie’s lip twitched with distaste. “That floor length one?”

You nodded.

“Dad uses that one to feel tall.” He sneered openly. “It tilts up from below, the worst possible perspective.”

You blinked a few rapid times.

“It took the ruching and blew it up.”

“So it’s not… that bad?”

“It’s anything, it's tasteful!” He spoke with an irritation that said that should have been obvious. “It fits your body well. Does it have a certain allure? Yes, I’ve already spoken of assets, but it is not a piece that invites unnecessary solicitation.” 

“Assets, assets. What are you, an ass man?” You retorted automatically. 

“There is nothing quite like sinking your teeth into that soft, inviting flesh.” He took your response and held it between his teeth.

In a blink, you saw an imaginary Donatello around your hips pointing to the fabric and on contact with the thought your face exploded.

“I say generally speaking, of course.” He clicked his tongue as if scolding you and turned away toward the water.

Hot.

You were too hot.

Run.

Throwing yourself forward, you submerged as indelicately as possible into the water.

Sinking like a stone into the silence, your burning flesh was quickly soothed by a cold lap.

A sweet embrace, you kicked to the surface and emerged with a pathetic gasp.

Never graceful, you shook yourself free of clingy drops and spun back around to view the rocks.

Donnie was staring up at the sky again and you sort of hated him for it.

Swim.

You’d swim with Mikey.

Spinning around, the other turtle was not only longer floating, but you couldn’t locate him at all. Quickly worrying that you had toppled him in your dive, you swam forward. “Mikey?”

Quieting to listen, you didn’t hear anything past the faint roiling of the water against its container.

Thinking he must have dove, you looked down to find Donnie’s earlier comment to be a correct one. With the water murky to a fault and a new fear cropped up. You had no idea what was in the water and you immediately darted for the closest shore. Something several long feet from Donnie, it was a sort of marshy landing that rocks from below steeping up to meet. They were covered in a slime that clung to your feet and had you pausing until you heard an off-toned lap behind you.

You whirled around with wide eyes and found a sea monster waiting for you.

Something matted with algae, it groaned pathetically and you sucked in enough air until the balloon was full enough to scream.

“What!? Who?! Where?!” The creature splashed with Mikey’s voice.

He’d been captured by another mutant.

You turned to get out of the water with some intention of getting to the tank.

It had to have missiles or something.

Anything to help.

You’d take a bowling ball launcher at this point.

Catching grip with one foot, you hoisted up the other. The many rocks acted like a disjointed ladder and your entire torso emerged from the water before one of your feet slid. The moment it happened felt like you were falling out of time. In slow motion, you knew your face was one of surprise. You painted an open expression where the imminent terror that you were falling couldn’t catch up as neurons to save yourself from the action. 

Your mind knew, but your face didn’t know that you were going to crack your head open on the rocks you just slipped on.

“Y/N!”

“Y/N!”

Two voices.

Too far.

Something skewered your side as the first injury of many.

Hoping only to black out on that first step, you willed your possessions to your friends.

You didn’t bother hoping they would remember you. 

You only hoped that they could make some use out of your worldly imprint.

No matter how small it was. 

Water rushed to greet you and shoved you away. 

That wasn’t right. 

That was the wrong direction.

Water swayed like waves. 

The equal and opposite reaction wouldn’t come until you fell in. 

Why had it preemptively come for you?

Your arms dangled heavily from gravity and you forced your eyes from wherever they had gone.

The monster was right in front of you. 

Its face was one of Michelangelo.

Green sludge caught in his blackened locks and his worried expression peered out from between a small part. 

He had you by the waist and was holding you up in the air. “Are you okay!?”

You were a loose toy strung up.

Flopping down, lifeless, you were a doll that couldn’t close its eyes until it was laid down.

A second deafening splash came as you hung there.

Mikey’s lips were moving awfully fast.

“Did they hit their head?!” Donnie’s voice broke through.

“No! Above water the whole time! Donnie! They aren’t saying anything, I don’t-”

“Shock?” Donnie wondered, but he never came into frame.

Where was he?

Mikey jostled you as one might bounce a colicky baby.

It was pulling a string on your back and you hacked on contact. 

You wheezed, forcing air in where terror had torn it from you. 

You fought. 

Not Mikey exactly, but the situation. 

It strung your arms back. 

It shoved your torso forward. 

It threw your head skyward. 

You gasped, alive. 

You saw blue.

It was the sky.

You hadn’t died.

Mikey had saved you.

Finally.

You came down from your arching to translate your joy. 

Mikey’s face slid into your vision and he was the picture of a boiled red tomato dotted with summertime spots.

He was looking at you. 

He had ogled you. 

He was embarrassed. 

Your blood pressure plummeted twice as fast as it had when you thought you were about to die.

This was worse.

This time you heard yourself scream as you lashed out.

Water flew up as if to welcome you, to bring you where you were meant to be. 

Drowned. 

Returned you to that place where you weren’t an object to be viewed.

You were a person floating free.

Liquid carried life.

It supported it.

It didn’t have it.

Vertigo struck you as you moved within a blink. 

In a disorientated spiral, your lids fell heavy as your inner ear tried to correct the imbalance. 

There were no longer hands around your waist. 

Something clicked like an engine uselessly turning over. 

Weary, you realized you were standing in a safe spot in the water. 

You drew up the dreary blinds of your curtain and found a muscled arm thrown out protectively in front of you. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!!!” Mikey cried, loud and desperate.

“What the hell was that then!?” Donnie’s voice rang close.

That firm limb tucked you further behind someone. 

You were being shielded.

A squabble happened in front of you, but you only looked down at the jade appendage acting as your guard rail.

You touched the arm and it felt familiar.

“Don-nie?” Your voice came out synthetic.

His was the body you were behind and his face appeared in a whip of his head. “Are you alright? Can you swim? I’ll move.”

“I’m not…?” You weren’t swimming.

You weren’t doing anything.

You were standing in the water. 

“What…?”

You looked past Donnie and glimpsed Mikey with a faint blush still stuck to his cheeks.

“Y-you…!” It felt accusatory on your lips.

“I’m sorry!!!” Mikey screeched.

“Turn around, dummy!” Donnie growled hot and was in motion.

You were soon ushered into a spin with an indelicate hand to your back and all but rushed over to the rock you had jumped off of.

You heard a splash of what you assumed was Mikey growing distant behind you. 

You hoped that would cool him off. 

“You ready?” Donnie’s voice appeared like it was newly there. 

“For what?” You were already used.

What was left?

Was it time to take out the recycling?

“I’m going to lift you up. Your shirt is right there.” Donnie instructed. 

“My shirt…” You were forlorn.

It was your back-up comfort item.

“Ready?” Donnie asked again.

The water rocked you and you barely bumped his firm plastron. 

You nodded dumbly.

Your hips were taken in what you read as a clinical way. 

You were barely bounced once, then twice, in a way that ballet dancers got momentum to lift their partners. 

Sure enough, you were lifted cleanly out of the water.

Only this time you felt well handled.

You weren’t swung around like a toddler holding up their favorite doll.

A child who cared for his toys put you on a shelf.

When your knees touched down, you drank in the life of the rock and scrambled for your shirt.

All the things that had just occurred crashed into you.

Shoving your head through the hole, you yanked the shirt down your body as you were already in motion. Forest floor digging into your bare feet, you didn’t need the map to retrace your steps. You followed the single, winding, prickly path and emerged out by the cabin only to fly inside it. A sanctuary amongst the unrelenting woods, you left a rotting drip trail as you entered your room. Your door clattered from where you had thrown it open and you ripped your duffel bag to shreds to get to its confines.

Pulling on layer after layer, you could see Mikey’s blush with each piece of clothing.

He’d looked at you.

You shoved your feet into a third pair of socks.

His gaze was amorous.

Into a thermal that was very much against the season, you ran out of clothes and stormed the dresser.

Sexual.

There were oversized men’s clothes that struck you as maybe being Raph’s and you thanked their huge size.

You put shirt after shirt on.

Mikey had said, point blank, that he wanted to see how far his feelings went.

Why were you so stupid?

You screamed.

Raw and uncut.

Tearing at your larynx, you ripped a few too many layers off as they impeded your melt down.

You needed space to breathe.

You needed to be swallowed whole.

Stumbling out to that accursed mirror, the shape you found there was a frumpy one.

Smiling a teary look at it, you watched it warp your face into one of dismay and you cried.

Where had you last felt okay?

It wasn’t here.

Moving around the room you searched for it.

That intangible something that would help.

Knocking everything over, you finally got a hold of a much too large pillow and hugged it to your body.

It was large and not at all as firm as you wanted.

You needed a hard wall.

You needed that unrelenting nature.

You weren’t something to be judged with heat.

You needed a cold light the sun couldn’t supply.

The wall knocked.

You spun around with your pillow defense to find the back of a head waiting there.

“I come as an emissary.” Donnie spoke slow and methodical.

“You can-!” It wasn’t Mikey.

Your pillow fell slack into one hand.

It wasn’t Mikey.

You let it drop with a thump to the floor.

It wasn’t Mikey.

“…come in.”

You took a wobbly step to spread out your clothed legs in hopes of keeping yourself upright.

Donnie didn’t move.

“You can… come in…” You repeated, not sure if you had gotten the first phrase out.

“No.”

“No…?” You took another step and saw how Donnie was clearly beyond the boundary of your open door.

With his back to you. 

Not impeding on you in any way. 

“This is your space.” He spoke it like a finality. 

You stared at the knot of his mask tails and tried to place what you felt.

“Being out here with us…” Donnie let the sentence hang before he lowered his gaze to the floor. “I want to… respect that much.”

“Why’d you say it like that?”

“I prefer the term ‘sanctum,’ but I couldn’t fit it in.”

“A sacred place…?”

The back of his head nodded. “My lab is supposed to be one.”

Sanctums weren’t places to be invaded.

If they were then they were violated.  

He understood.

Is that what you felt?

Camaraderie?

Even his mania in the beginning had been one you made sense of.

Was that why you hadn’t complained?

No, you were rewriting history from your current perspective.

It was also the only one you knew.

It was one where you envied one man. 

It was where you once feared another. 

Now their roles were reversed. 

You never had to explain your misery to Donnie.

You didn’t have to make him understand.

He was the moon.

You rushed towards him.

Donnie heard the footsteps and made it about half a turn before you reached him. “As… I was saying, I talked to Michael and come in his stead to-”

You collided with that unrelenting wall of plastron. Finding an odd hinge between the front of his shell and the back, you did your best to tuck into that space and weaseled under his arm. You felt it rise above you, out of your way and a rotation brought you more towards his front. There you felt him stop to take your over-clothed form in.

“I’m sorry!” You choked on tears, rooting the sound as deep against Donnie’s wet clothes as possible.

He let your misery hang for exactly one second. 

Then he surrounded you in a soft moon glow.

He pulled you toward his chest and you burrowed closer to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I completely overreacted. It was just too much… Too much attention… the way he looked. He said… I thought he wouldn’t… I didn’t want…!”

A hand pet through the layers of your back.

Even and careful.

No further connotation other than to soothe.

Squirming to get your arms out from where you were crushing them, you wiggled them free to embrace him.

You squeezed a sigh right out of him.

“I know.” He spoke into your damp head. “I know…”

You nodded and basked in the tide. Pulled by the moon’s orbit, the waves rolled in and out with a sway. A gentle rocking, you were cast a comfortable drift by it. This was the one you had longed for from the swimming hole. Here, you floated amongst sturdy shores. Held safe, the guiding white light poured around you. One that pushed back against the darkness, it shone on you. Lucky to be in its reach, it wasn’t the type you soaked up. It instead washed over you in a cleanse. Feeling lighter and a little stifled, you extracted yourself from moisture to moisture.

Everything around you from your leaking face to the clingy pond water was soaked and you frowned down Donnie’s body. Standing in a little pool mostly created by him, you wanted to stick your tongue out at it, but you feared the bacteria clearly clinging to your skin.

“The cabin is yours tonight.”

Before you could register the words, you felt him strengthen his resolve with a puff of his chest.

“I don’t want to hear complaints otherwise.”

You wanted to pout.

“I checked the systems when we were doing our preliminary cleaning. The water will be hot. Shower, bathe, do whatever you’d like. We’ll be staying outside.”

You gave a faint nod to the wet floor.

“We’ll grill and I’ll make you a plate. Preference?”

You shook your head. “I don’t… feel like eating…”

“Bland it is.”

Now you were pouting.

“Y/N.”

“Yeah?” Your head felt heavy.

“I still have a message from Mikey to deliver.”

“I really don’t want to hear it.” Irritation brought you to look at him.

Donnie took you in with a sort of smile. “You’ll want to.”

You dropped your features in a way that said you didn’t believe him.

“He said he’s not ready to talk as he’s having his own crisis, but he’ll let you know when he’s ready to apologize.” Donnie tilted his head, almost amused.

You blinked straight out of your bitterness to stare openly.

Donnie gave a single knowing nod.

“Enjoy your shower.” With one last sweep over you as if to check you were all still there, Donnie turned and headed for the door.

Watching him go, you saw the faint amber hue of sunset.

“It’ll all work out.” Donnie tossed just as he grabbed the knob to exit.

You turned and stormed straight to the bathroom. Drowning in clothes and scum, you locked the door tight and turned the shower knobs to their highest setting. Leaving the water to warm, you started removing your outermost shirt. As soon as it hit the ground you felt possessed. You tore off your clothes with each subsequent layer removed at a faster and faster pace. You needed to be freed. You needed that ridiculous protection off of you as soon as possible. All of it soiled, you stripped down bare and left your feet for last.

The moment they were naked and pressed to tile, you leapt into the old style tub. Instantly boiled by the too hot water, you let it scorch you with clenched teeth at first until the burn seared and you adjusted the dial for something reasonable. Still a lobster in a pot, you scrubbed your skin until you thought it might flake and then doused it in suds until you couldn’t see its color. A sea of white foam, the second scrounge came through, washing the detritus away.

Pickled in the process, you emerged and greedily took up every towel in the room. It meant toeing around the disgusting mound of clothes you’d left, but Donnie had said the cabin was yours. Until tomorrow when you’d clean the place up, you instead mourned how you hadn’t even brought your toothbrush in with you. Scowling at a fog coated mirror, you cracked the door and watched the steam leak out.

Chasing it with your ear, you didn’t hear anything, but there was a distinct lemon scent.

You followed the smell into the hall where you quickly placed it was cleaner. The floor had a sheen to it that spoke of a recent mopping. The clean line ending abruptly at your door said exactly who the culprit was. Donatello had snuck back in to clean and you were thankful for it. He’d left your sanctuary untouched and instead set a stool just outside the door. 

On it was a stack of comfortable looking clothes and a note.

‘Keep your room or upgrade. I recommend the one upstairs, second bedroom on the right.’

You folded the note along its lines and placed it back on the offered clothes. You then gathered the lot and took it with you along with a brave face as you entered your room. You barely looked up as you salvaged what you could from your duffel. Carrying the mostly limp sack, you then moved to follow your recommendation. It led you through the darkened cabin and up the winding wooden stairs where the door in question was closed. Knocking on it out of politeness, you found it empty and slipped inside. It was decorated similarly, but clearly different. Comfortable in its own sense, you went about your nightly routine as best you could and thanked the space for not having a mirror. Growing more weary by the second, you thought vaguely of meat as you instead pulled back the covers.

Sinking in and imagining charcoal lighting the men’s faces, you settled down into the welcoming embrace of bed.

You eventually got up and padded across a tiled floor.

Pulling out a single slick piece of black fabric, you double checked the door was closed before changing.

The perfect swimsuit was one you hadn’t imagined you’d find.

What luck, you thought, as you slipped it on.

Stepping into it, you shimmied into the fabric and turned for that show stopping image in the changing room.

It was perfect.

It covered you in all the right ways.

Finally, the piece you’d been looking for.

Smiling and striking pose after pose, you saw a hand wave above the curtain.

“Come in!” You called to it. 

Sanctum’s were only to be entered with permission. 

“Silly.” You looked over your pleasing image once more. “Is it still a violation if I request it?”

“I guess not.” Instead of drawing the curtain back, Donnie slipped through it.

Tucking himself a strong wall behind you, he looked into the mirror at you.

What looked back held no heat, only appreciation.

“Do you like it?” He checked with you without passing judgment himself.

“I do…” You smiled.

He gave one of his own, though subdued, and flicked his gaze down. “Look here.”

You lowered your gaze to find him kneeling behind you. With his head popped out around your hips, he was looking up at you in a way you liked quite a bit.

You felt powerful.

You were a light bright enough for him to want to project.

“This ruching here has leading lines.” He didn’t touch you, but his hands ghosted over you along the fabric’s pattern.

Your lips parted and your chest filled with heat.

A celestial body was meant to look on.

You were safe. 

“May I?” He asked you once again. 

You were glad and responded with a breathless, “Please.”

His mouth opened a dark orbital maw, a new moon, which then glinted into a teeth-filled waxing crescent headed in its trek to sink into your soft flesh.

You jolted the moment the teeth supposedly hit their mark. 

You stared into the dark abyss and saw drifting images of sharpened grins. 

You were dizzy.

A sheen of sweat to you, you tossed back a cover. 

The black hovel above you took shape as logs in the cabin ceiling. 

They lined up like thick thighs appearing from where board shorts had hiked up. 

Begging for a taste.

Awareness struck with a sharp inhale.

Fully awake and doused with dread from your dream, you voiced your despair with a whisper.

“Oh no…”

💛 NEXT 💛

I swear I handed this to my betas over a year ago... @tmntxthings and @thepinkpanther83

[magicaii]

Ok maybe this has to do with me being demisexual but I don’t really like any of my enemies/rivals to lovers ship in the “we fuck cause we hate each other and it’s hot” kind of way. I like enemies to lovers in the ideologically opposed, unreachable, trust issues, crumbling facades, fighting over Kira like a toy, I’m supposed to hate you but now I’m grasping for straws kind of way. In the I’m the only one who sees right through you and I don’t know what to do with that power kind of way. In the you’ve been handed everything I ever wanted on a silver platter, show some emotion near damnit, am I the only one getting eaten alive on the inside, the I don’t know how to tell you I secretly care, imagine what we could do together mello, why do you always leave before I figure it out kind of way. And only after all that maybe they can fuck if they feel like it. But enemies to lovers is only good to me when the crux of it is a complicated, messy entanglement of fear and phantom hatred and resisted romance.

[spaceorphan18]

SO's Guide to the Bridgerton Children so @coffeegleek can tell them apart ;)

Violet Bridgerton

Okay, so first of all this is the mom of all these children. Her husband was Edmund. He got stung by a bee and died, so he is no longer around.

Anthony Bridgerton

Okay, so the oldest son is Anthony. He is the current Viscount (don't ask me about British nobility, I know nothing) and is currently running the Bridgerton estate, though that is not his favorite thing to do. He had very unfortunate sideburns in season one. And he likes to shout things like "you are the bane of my existence" and "LILACS". He does have oldest child syndrome where he acts like he doesn't want to be in charge, but he totally loves being in charge and telling everyone what to do.

His wife is Kate Sharma. She is a delight, and possibly the second best character on this show (obviously after Penelope). So just remember, passionate and loud guy with Kate -- that is Anthony. Oh, and they have one child who is being born in India because Jonathan Bailey is apparently very in demand right now.

Benedict Bridgerton

Benedict is the artsy, bisexual who hangs out on the swings with Eloise. He is an actual delight, but the writers don't seem to really know what to do with him. He makes a good comedic foil to Anthony. Also they cut his hair for seasons 2 and 3 which doesn't help the whole looking the same thing. We're speculating his season is next because of a bunch of hints. In the books he falls in love with a lower class girl.

Colin Bridgerton

Colin is the sweet, sensitive (most likely demisexual) writer and world traveler. He's got some insecurity issues, a massive hero complex, and is a complete simp for his wife.

HOW HAVE YOU FOLLOWED ME FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS AND NOT KNOW WHO COLIN IS - C'MON GIRL, PAY ATTENTION

He is married to Penelope Featherington, aka Lady Whistledown, aka the best damn character on this whole show. 90% of the time, Colin is hanging off Penelope, so he honestly should be easy to spot. Also, he got her pregnant BEFORE the wedding and little Lord Feathertington was born 8 months into their marriage.

Daphne Bridgerton

She was the main character of Season 1, who looks a lot like Keira Knightly. You don't really need to worry about her, because it's doubtful that she's coming back.

She is married to the Duke - Simon Basset, Lord of Hastings or something. He enjoys licking spoons. Daphne burns for him. Again, he's not coming back so, you know, I wouldn't worry about it.

They do have a child together, a little boy I believe and I think they hinted at a second one? Idk, maybe the kids will come back to hang out with Gregory and Hyacinth at the end of the series.

Eloise Bridgerton

Probably my personal favorite Bridgerton? (Idk, Colin wormed his way up there.) She stands out because Claudia Jessie is just amazing at giving her a lot quirky mannerisms. She doesn't want to get married and is really into women's rights. She is also fucking hilarious. I would love her to be asexual, but the writers insist she's getting a love story at some point, so.... The internet would prefer her to be a lesbian. That's cool, too, but also unlikely to happen.

Eloise spends a lot of her time on swings with Benedict and in is often the third wheel with Pen and Colin (though sometimes Colin is that third wheel).

She and Penelope are BFFs. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

Francesca Bridgerton

Francesca is SUPER into the piano(forte) and really nothing else. There's really not a whole lot to say about her other than she IS probably going to be the lesbian of the show.

She is currently married to John Stirling. The two are very quiet together and that's exactly how they want it. Don't get too attached to him, he's most likely going to die in the next season. John also has a female cousin named Michaela, whom the internet is mad about because she is a woman -- making Francesca's future love interest a woman instead of a man. I say more power to the lesbians. Calm your tits folks, it'll be fine.

Gregory Bridgerton

OMG, look how adorable this kid is. He's gonna look just like his older brothers when he grows up. They've already given him a tad more to do in Season 3, and he's been an utter delight. I'm sure he'll be great leading Season 8 when we get to it in 2034.

Hyacinth Bridgerton

The youngest Bridgerton! She is excitable and energetic and super excited about all the marriages and also KNOWS who is ending up with who and is totally down for it. She is also a sassy delight and really can't wait until she starts holding her own with Eloise!

THERE YOU GO THAT'S THE WHOLE BRIDGERTON FAMILY - DOES THAT HELP??

[evillemons]

WHAT SEX WITH TAEHYUNG WOULD BE LIKE (V pt.3)

~ everyone’s favorite part, based on the character as described in part 1 and part 2. Masterlist here.

*NSFW CONTENT*

(this picture is so fuckin spicy I love it so much)

• Perceptions on how Tae is in bed are quite mixed, but here is my take:

• I see him as borderline demisexual, and he takes a while before he’s ready to have sex. There’s a lot of buildup and he would think about it often, but he would want to make sure the time is right and that she is the right person.

• But when it happens… it’s kinky, sexy, and smoking hot.

• Candle wax, rose petals, champagne, dark ambiance, music. Their vibe would be moody and sensual, but loving and romantic at the same time.

• Tae is so sweet it’s almost painful, but he would not be timid in bed. I see them engaging in threesomes, public sex, role playing, or light BDSM.

• He’s quite dominant. Not in a masochistic way, but he likes to be in control. Because of this, he would most enjoy positions from behind such as doggy style, spooning while holding her leg up, or on top of her with her legs on his shoulders.

• OR he could be into extreme switching of power dynamics. I’m torn on this one, but I think either way he likes it a little rough.

• They wouldn’t hesitate to have sex in the car or to find a private room in a public space if they were horny in the moment. She would love to get him off under a table or in an isolated outdoor space.

• He wouldn’t turn down anything she wanted to try; in fact, he would be eager to oblige.

• He is extremely touchy and affectionate; his hands would always be on her face/neck, back, waist, ass etc. They would be all over each other, and there would always be a level of romanticism despite whatever act they are indulging in that day.

• He would kiss her neck, collarbones, and breasts aggressively.

• Loves eye contact and to watch her face as she orgasms. He would think she’s so pretty when she comes undone for him, all sweaty and makeup smudged.

• Like Namjoon, this man is excellent at dirty talk, although is a lot more explicit and occasionally a little degrading.

• “You like it when I do that?” “Cum again for me.” “Take off your clothes and open your legs.” “Touch yourself.”

• I actually don’t think they would use a lot of toys, as Tae would want to please her himself. He would be very good at multitasking and using his mouth, hands, etc. at the same time. He would love to make her squirt.

• Likes to be in control during blowjobs. Gripping her hair, thrusting his hips, telling her to look at him while he’s in her mouth. Would cum on her face or in her mouth without warning (although might feel bad afterwards).

• Oof, I can see him loving spanking. Like, hard, repeated spanking that leaves her with a red mark. Maybe with his hands, maybe with a belt or paddle.

• He would love if she wore skimpy lingerie, to which he might rip with excitement.

• They would be quite loud, vocal, and expressive together, with lots of demands and heavy moaning.

• Dirty shit aside, there are also times when he would want sex to be gentle, slow, and intimate so that he can show her how much he loves her. He may be freaky, but at the end of the day he is still a romantic at his core and would value his partner a ton.