#maybe it just needs to grow on me
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Not to be a swiftie on main: but North West has the chance to do the funniest thing of all time after thanK you aIMee
#ttpd#tbh not my favorite album#all the songs kinda just blend together#lyricism is off the walls and i love a good metaphor and some wordsmithing and wordplay#but there wasnt really any musicality and none of the songs stood out to me#even the Florence one and i fuckin LOVE Florence#but thats just me#maybe it just needs to grow on me#it does have the storytelling favtor going for it though and that in and of itself is entertaining enough for a relisten#taylor swift#the tortured poets department#thanK you aIMee#~°•*music stuffs#~°•*andy says things
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the amount of trans people i see who are scared to identify as straight is mind boggling. like people who will explicitly say that they are scared to identify as straight. i can only amount it to the growing preceived divide between being straight and being queer, where people arent learning that you CAN be both if youre trans. and ive experienced a lot of hostility just for being an opinionated straight trans guy on this app. like i dont care if you dont think this is a "real problem," i do. i think queer people should be free to feel comfortable in their identity, and if that identity is het-leaning, heterosapphic, het-dyke, hetgay, queerhet, transhet, or literally just straight and heterosexual, they should be free to
#like i would argue that the growing division amongst queer people is a real problem actually#sometimes i just wanna delete this account#like the transphobic interaction is bad enough#i dont need like transmascphobic and transheterophobic ppl bothering me too#and you may say 'evan#EVERY trans person experiences this'#and to that i say#if youre right#MAYBE THERES A REAL PROBLEM GOING ON?#trans#t4t#transhet#t4t mlw#st4t
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finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using
#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for?#open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer)#maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel#once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs#i respected their commitment to the theme#but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities#dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton#ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered#i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it#aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment#honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet#letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already.#really i've put off my responsibilities long enough#(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings)#(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time)#(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.)#(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)
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u know what would be a cool genshin fic idea? isekai/transmigrated reader, but instead of appearing within the general timeline, you come into the genshin world 500 years prior to the start of the storyline in khaenri'ah.
honestly it could be either a little before the cataclysm, giving enough time to delve into some relationship building + explore some world building with characters like dainsleif, traveller's sibling (which would probably be lumine bc i actually do like her as abyss sibling & aether as traveller), and npcs like halfdan (still crying over him to this day ;w;) and possibly the khaenri'ahn royal guards (assuming you either join them or have a good enough relationship with them), OR it could be you appear during the crisis, completely and utterly lost as to why you were brought amidst the chaos and bloodshed as you watch everything you barely knew about this nation crumble before your very eyes.
either route will still result in reader's existential crises and constant "why am i here? just to suffer?" monologues because really, who would be fine after going through that after coming from /our/ world? and not to mention you've had to endure the next 500 years wandering with no real set path because you don't know this world— this era of teyvat or of genshin. you're merely stuck, unable to die, and forced to live a life of uncertainty with no clear direction for you to go to.
despite it all, you've at least been able to see dain during this course. while your meetings pass far too quickly for your lonesome, and his solemn demeanour is something you're yet to be accustomed to after having been with him before the fall of khaenri'ah (assuming it's the route where you appear before the cataclysm), you're glad to see a familiar face every now and then. after the messy departure with the lumine who left for the abyss order, you've come to appreciate his quiet presence more and more each time.
and then you decide it might be time to settle. you soon realise it's difficult to do so when your lifespan has become far more than that of a human's — of a mortal's — and so you find yourself becoming used to staying in one place for a few years before setting off for the next. rinse and repeat. over and over. it's come to a point where you've witnessed the nations undergo various changes each time you visit. you know change is inevitable, and yet your heart stings each time you witness it; a testament to how the world is ever-changing, yet you're stuck in place as a bystander.
one thing you're grateful for, however, are the bonds you've established amid your back-and-forth over the centuries. from archons like zhongli and venti to long-life beings such as neuvillette and the adepti to regular mortals who have showed you kindness as if one of their own... you've grown to cherish those memories, often reminiscing them when the nights get too long and surroundings too quiet. it was difficult at first, and still is, but you've become used to the inevitable change and the passing of those you once knew.
and after 500 years, you find yourself face-to-face with one you haven't seen since before you appeared in this world; the protagonist of this world, and the one you eventually join in hopes of finally finding a means to an end, aether.
little side notes/extras:
from /our/ world, you would probably know the storyline from up to around current (5.0) or maybe a little after the fontaine aq conclusion. it gives a lot to work with, but you definitely won't remember a lot of the lore after so long other than some main events, especially since most of your knowledge is pretty irrelevant for the next 500 years,,,
i think it would be cool if you had an inteyvat on your person as a little homage of khaenri'ah, which may or may not invoke some opinions from certain characters (*cough* aether immediately being reminded of lumine and having an existential crisis *cough*)
post-cataclysm you would go through a, uhm, long phase of helplessness, wondering why you were even brought to this world so far back if you couldn't even make any contributions. it does eventually morph into a resolution to do what you can to help those you come across if it's within your capabilities, but the nightmares and helplessness come back every now and then as a reminder for what you can't do :D yippee :D
honestly i'm on the fence whether you would have a vision or some other type of abilities (think on the similar lines of aether/lumine's and dain's), but i think having some type of purification mechanic would be a must in your arsenal !! would definitely lead to some moments between you and characters like dain or zhongli who suffer from the erosion as you give them a slight reprieve from what rages within and corrodes them
a little self indulgent, but i'd like to think your first /proper/ meeting with zhongli happens during a lantern rite festival, wherein you're admiring the lanterns in the sky after making a wish of your own and he comes up from behind with "they're beautiful, wouldn't you say so?" and !!
also as for love interests, as much as i would love for human/mortal characters, a part of me feels like this story would be better suited for the immortal/long-life characters as love interests?? idk i feel like considering that 500 years is, well, a long time, the bonds you would have with them compared to characters like, say, alhaitham or diluc would be way too different ?? though i would definitely still add them as love interest bc i am a sucker for so many of the human characters ;w; it would also add to the angst and hurt/comfort ahahha...
anyway thank you for reading this massive brain dump of a fic bc i absolutely would put this as a long term project, and if u made it this far then i would like to say that dain solos—
#sophie talks : concepts <3#dont mind me i am just in HEAVY brainrot over this genshin x reader concept bc OURGH??? THE POSSIBILITIES??? THE LORE??? THE RELATIONSHIPS?#also exploring dynamics with the immortals/those with longer lifespans like zhongli; the adepti; neuvillette; the archons in general; DAIN#and lumine; and maybe fatui... hehe.... AND AETHER TOO#omg imagine pierro trying to convince u to join him in the fatui after having finally tracked u down after the cataclysm bc of ur frequent#changes from nation to nation only for u to turn him down saying u dont wish for further damnation. he leaves u alone and u think he wont#pester u anymore until u see him years later again and again and again; him with the same question and u with the same answer#BUT ALSO KHAENRI'AH WORLD BUILDING/EXPLORATION BUT ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE WRITING A MEDIEVAL ROYAL AU RAAHHH#sir royal guard captain!dain interactions... the royal guards... adopted royal!lumine interactions bc ur just like her from another world#and tells u stories of her and aether & u grow closer and u travel with them before dain joins u both before the inevitable break up and#OMG WAIT MADAME PING DYNAMIC WHEN U BECOME FRIENDS WITH THE ADEPTI AND SHE JUST OFFERS U TEA AND A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON BC SHE KNOWS U SO WE#AND OHHHRHJFHJHGJF#cries. this fic would be a lot of emotional hurt/comfort and self acceptance for new life and reader will need a big fat long hug#anyway i will write this. one day. hopefully.
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)
#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head#ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it#like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like#kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all#and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo#and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like#now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week?#yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay#kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello#why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine#but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him#they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her)#i just think it'd be fun cos like#it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met#kurama and hiei#kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back#they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀#it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan#yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc#and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺''#''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing#it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next#cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe#okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept#kuwameshi#yu yu hakusho#kuwabara kazuma#yusuke urameshi#koenma
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RETURN TO MONKE (PUBERTY EDITION)
MK’s monkey form doesn’t feel right to me so i wanted to break up his transformation into stages. Maybe as he learns to accept that side of himself it becomes part of him, instead of changing between human and monkey randomly (which is probably painful). Love yourself, NOW!!!
@zymstarz im tagging you for FULL MONKE
#ALSO BECAUSE. THAT BOY NEEDS A NOSE#i like the idea of MK constantly flashing between his monkey and human forms as some sort of internal conflict or identity crisis#and he can’t hold his monkey form for very long soo. I’m going to put way too much thought into it and say its some sort of repression#also I made the hair on the sides of his face more attached or growing on the cheeks so it kind of frames it#maybe it’s because his design is so top heavy on his head and that’s why the sideburns feel wrong to me#like it’s fine with Swk and macaque because their hair is more like a tuft. but MKs hair is longer it just feels less balanced shape wise#I also don’t see his tail being very strong right off the bat because it’s. a new limb so the muscle has to be underdeveloped imo#I’m still a firm believer in the face mark XP system though. that is his Minecraft experience bar fight me#ALSO ALSO going back to him flashing between human and monkey. I just like this idea because to complement that idea of identity crisis#like think about it. if he comes to accept this new part of himself he doesn’t have to decide between one or the other I guess? like he#gets used to exploring this part of his identity. also it’s like Pokémon evolution lol#my art#myart#doodles#lego monkie kid#lmk#monkie kid#lmk season 4 spoilers#lmk s4 spoilers#lmk season 4#lmk s4#lmk MK#lmk xiaotian#lego monkie kid fanart#lmk fanart
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𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗
#royai#roy mustang#riza hawkeye#fullmetal alchemist#fma#fmab#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#fanart#fma fanart#smoothshine draws#yaaaay i am alive for a bit again and i still can draw!#i am having my exams in the beginning of July so i needed a distraction between studying and eeh not studying x))#but hey it's angsty royai hugs time!!#i wasn't quite able to take part in the royai week this year (which i feel kinda bad about btw)#but i still wanted to draw something involving my favourite war criminals during June and here it is!#tbh i just wanted to work with messy traditional stuff again and i ended up liking it#i have quite a lot of older sketches by now and maybe i'll post them with time if they grow on me ahah
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*poke poke*
*nudge*
You wanna guerrilla garden some swamp milkweed around a retention pond so bad.
#solarpunk#guerrilla gardening#gardening#guerilla gardening#out of queue#ani rambles#me cataloguing seeds:#bot. interests seed packet: swamp milkweed grows great around ponds!#me: swamp milkweed grows great around ponds.... retention ponds.....?#i don't have the balls to do it rn because all the nearest retention ponds i can think of are like#either by highways or fenced in#but if someone has the courage and ability to do so. this is me giving out the idea.#i am in the 'retention ponds need some fuckin COLOR' camp#BEAUTIFY THAT THANG#i mean. I have so many packets of swamp milkweed seeds its unreal.#hypothetically if i were to obtain some clay.... i already have worm castings.... i just need to be able to make seed bombs....#maybe get a friend to be my accomplice and drive me around as i yeeteth deleteth
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#top drawing is silly thoughts i had for the ancient warriors following their kids around and watching them live out their lives#and getting SUPER invested#edit: ive gotta explain myself in the tags hi#so mercuremons egg baby is a gotsumon and hes just got no eyes#and hes in charge of installing toilets in the gotsumon village now#its the highest honor#and grottomons egg baby is the baby bro of the mushroommon brothers now#and he is SO good at digging and landscaping and the floramon love him#dont ask him to plant anything but if you section off an area and drop him in there#then hes gonna fucking LEVEL the ground#if you need tilled soil hes your guy#and arbormons egg baby is that little burger baby but hes got a leaf growing out of his head because it makes me laugh#hes a baby but hes so good at eating burgers. maybe...TOO good....#maybe one day his burgermon parents can teach him how to actually make burgers#litte did they know in another life this baby kidnapped their dad....
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hey do y'all ever think about the fact that Charles probably has told Edwin about being beaten as a child at some point during their 34 years of friendship? And that Edwin likely never found it remarkable enough to ask further questions because back when he was alive, beating children was completely normal
#charles nonchalantly brings up his bad childhood to crystal all the time & he's literally just met her#i find it hard to imagine he never mentioned it to edwin#& i can just imagine edwin being like whomst among us hasn't been whipped as a child haha no need to inquire further#this is normal#like when he was alive teachers were allowed and a courage to bear their students#i can guarantee edwin was beaten as a kid too but it was just. fact of life. so that's why he's blindsided by how badly charles's#experiences w abuse scarred him#'oh yeah we all experience terrifying painful and humiliating punishments as we grow up. and we are all fine! 🙂'#like it seems so on brand to me that he would know - maybe not the true extend but some of it at least - but based on his own experience#think it was one of these things One Just Doesn't Talk About#he's such a compassionate kind hearted person who grew up in such a fucked up society#dead boy detectives#thoughts
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click for better quality!
must be fall
#my art#eye contact#tw eye contact#scopophobia#scopohobia tw#furry#sfw furry#oc#let me know if i need to tw tag this more or give me the proper tags if im not using the right one!!!#i do not remember my oc tag bc when i went to look NOTHING would pop up . so maybe i'll edit this later and see#I HAVENT DONE ART FOR [ME] IN A REALLY LONG TIME which is why ive been working up to posting this AHBDFKU#BUT YEAH i am really happy with this. im having a fun time switching between the first sketch and the final product#im also eating a bag of blue raspberry sour patch kids like my life depends on it theyre so good#my hair is also getting pretty long i think and im debating on just letting it grow out or buzzing it again or a Short haircut#we'll see i'll probs figure out by the time october is over#ive been stalling the last 30 minutes to post this LMAO
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o wait before i start posting any pics.. i was thinking that maybe.. you guys could help me liquify this gender some more by switching up what you call me.... DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE . LOVE LOVE LOVE WHEN YOU USE HE/HIM AND JUST OVERALL LIKE MORE MASC STUFF THAT'S SOOO MMMMMMMMMSO FUCKING GOOD like i don't get to feel that irl at all so it really does make me so happy but i've just been thinking abt TRYING to switch it up more yk? does this even make sense...... . hhhh anyway i might won't even like it and i'll want to just go back to hehim but i wanna try... JUST TO SWITCH IT UP.
#i think the only term that is incredibly questionable is “queen” lmao#idk i have some personal beef with that one#MAN I REALLY MIGHT JUST DELETE THIS IN LIKE FIVE MINUTES#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#WHY DON'T I KNOW WHAT I WANT#i'm not asking you to fully drop the he him but just maybe.. use she her every once in a while..#I'M GONNA EXPLODE WHY IS THIS THE WEIRDEST POST EVER TO MAKE WHAT IS GENDER CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME#btw if anybody happens to be wondering why i don't just use they/them#iii just don't feel anything towards those#personally#like they don't make me feel like anything while he him and she her are more like yes:3333#does.. does that even make sense#oh my god#there are question marks flying around my head#i read this fic the other day#which is in my drafts i need to add tags to it#but the op just.. like made my brain grow two sizes#bc they made the reader genderfluid and then proceeded to use both “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” throughout the fic and i just#HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#how do i .. get that#asghdhsaghdasghdshagdhgas#GUYS LOOK I'M GONNA SPIRAL I'M JUST GONNA HIT POST#ENOUGH#mayor of loserville#mickey vs gender#10 - 17#I'M LOSING AGAIN OHHH FUCK OFF
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How old do you think the turtle tots are in the comics/art you've shown? (like, roughly, how it's their development)
will probably be a bit long because of pics so!
^ a few weeks after being mutated (basically still newborns, very small)
^ Around 6-7 months! Can be seen crawling around the house
^ Roughly around 8 months old (already starting to string together syllables)
^ Around 3 years old! (Yi is VERY smart for her age)
^ Around 4 years old!
^ extra silly fun fact! they started purring being only a few days old!
#THESE MIGHT NOT LOOK MUCH DIFFERENT FOR YOU GUYS BUT LITTLE KIDS DO SO MUCH PROGRESS AND#GROWING UP IN SUCH LITTLE TIME OK. THESE LITTLE MONTH DIFFERENCES MEAN A LOT.#especially when we are talking about like the start of crawling walking and the start of them doing chirps squeaks and sounds that lead to#actual words#ofc by chirp and squeaks im specifically talking about turtle tots lmao#please dont spect your actual kids to do chirps or smt hahsagh#kids developing is truly crazy dude!! they be going!!!!!!#just realized i have yet to draw them older asjhfjs maybe soon#baby turtles are still so fun to draw! fun shaped!!!!#miguel ohara jumpscare because i just realized thats the only purring tot ive drawn until now lol#i think my friend who is a preschool teacher would be very proud of me because of this post HWHEH#ask#peepaw and babies au#i really need to answer more of the peepaw asks i love peepaw asks :']
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Quick s7 premiere thoughts
Loved the new episode, I sure wasn't ready for Afomura becoming a thing so soon, like that scene is still... that
But otherwise wow
also a quick thank you for this scene having THIS track (a bit off from the original version) and voices of both AFO and Tomura mixing in places there
to other things
little dangerous hand man
I'm in love with the ending... "Believe" and "Sketch" and now this one are like a Holy Trinity of Villain connected endings and this one FEELS like it belongs to MVA or something like that WAY MORE than the ED version of Believe did, even if the song was directly connected to Tomura and Izuku via text
that's just my "I want THIS SPECIFIC WAY" of wishing an ED was and I got what I wanted in a way with everyone from the LoV having their moment to shine (from the current arc aside from Compress) - so Spinner, Toga, Dabi and Tomura all have that. IN BOTH ED and OP
and then OP is like
this
so yeah, happy s7 day
#bnha#not art#shigaraki tomura#league of villains#tenko shimura#spinner#toga himiko#dabi#toya todoroki#mha season 7#first thoughts#I disliked the OP when I first heard it but it grows on me#sooo now it's like 2-3 months until Tomura takes his control back#and maybe they'll stop before that happens but unlikely#but AFO's return is too recent to be in s7#for now it's time to patiently wait for next ch spoilers#I've recovered from the last one again#I still need to know what Horikoshi wants to tell#and also just curious about what happened to everyone in LoV#like dead or no#and what's with Tenko.#Tomura is once again dead temporarely but that happened like 3-4 times already#every Tomura and AFO scene is better with "Power of All For One track#and a lot of them do have it as the main track and I love it#I have a love/hate relationship with that track specifically#scenes with it in MHA and MVA are my favorites for how much worse they become with it in the background#and the track itself is like a lullaby really calming#but I hate AFO with passion and that track plays at the worst times for characters#so basically enjoy it for the role it plays and how it sounds but hate it for the context
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the reason for which jason struggles with forgiving bruce specifically is because bruce is the only person he ever had so much hope in. the only person he came to truly rely on.
he has a huge heart. he forgave his parents for not being perfect and neglecting him, he forgave two-face for killing his father (and said he pitied him, even), his last act was a self-sacrificial attempt to save a woman who set him up for torture and death. he can justify nearly every offence toward himself, because he feels for people so deeply.
but perhaps part of the reason for which it came so easily to him was also that he never expected these people to do any better. he was a parentified child, and he grew up watching his neighbours slipping into the life of crime due to the flawed system. he understood survival, self-preservation, and despair. he was not always alone, he might have been loved, yet he could not rely on "charity." everyone had their own burdens. so jay, 12, already had a deep conviction that he could not be a priority for anyone, and in his books, that was okay. he still believed in the world as a whole. he just wasn't sure if anyone in this world could genuinely care for him.
and then bruce came into his life, challenging this idea. bruce chose him. bruce spent years gaining his trust, dedicated so much of his time to training him. bruce, who patiently worked through his insecurities with him in the field, who looked out for him. bruce, with whom jay spent most of his time, his world being so narrow, everything concentrating on the joy of being robin. bruce, who made him feel so protected when out fighting criminals, that jay's reaction to getting snatched and tied up the scarecrow was merely saying: batman will put you away!
and by the age of 15, jay is open to being loved and cared for. in fact, jason can't imagine not having someone to lean on anymore, to the point where a single doubt that bruce expresses leaves him petrified. maybe he never realised that he could be so greedy before, that he could crave safety so much. but that fear of losing the thing he never even suspected he could have until a couple of years before – this is what now leads him to that warehouse in ethiopia.
and even after all of that, this implicit trust is not gone. fresh out of soil, jay's first thought is that of his dad. but to discover that the world he came back into feels so unsafe, that he is so alone, makes him feel betrayed. because there was a time when bruce made him believe that he was his priority. that he was loved. that he was special. bruce was one single person in his life that he grew to have expectations of. and where is bruce now? of course he doesn't know jason is alive, but where is bruce now? why does it seem like that love never really mattered? where is bruce now?
there is, of course, a part of him that is so quick to forgive, or rather a part that doesn't even think there's any blame. but he also had expectations, expectations of no one else, expectations that his father worked so hard for. and bruce taught him how to ask for things.
so he will ask. just this once.
#jason after he experienced being loved and protected once: i can never live without this again#maybe it's less of 'just him' <- the joker and more of 'just you' <- bruce (were supposed to truly care for me)#also#you dangle on the leash of your own longing; your need grows teeth.#i'm normal!#jason todd#jay meta#dc comics#red hood#wretched mirrors
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