#maybe im just stupid and dean is the one in the right here who knows

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

My Job

Dean Winchester x little sister!reader

Requested by Anonymous

Synopsis: You storm out after an argument with Dean, but then you get into trouble. Will he get there in time to help?

Trigger Warning: attempted sexual assault (not graphic), drugging

“It’s not rocket science, kid, we’ve had these rules since you were born.”

“Yeah, but I thought-“

“What, because dad isn’t here right now, I’m just gonna let you do whatever you want?”

You huffed, “Would you let me speak?”

“No, you’ve said what you wanted, and the answer is still no.”

“It’s just a few hours!”

“And you know the rules. When we’re on a hunt, you don’t go out. At all. For any reason other than the motel is on fire.”

“It’s a stupid rule!”

“It’s a rule that means that you’re safe. While monsters are out there, you’re not, it’s not exactly unreasonable.”

“It’s just one time!” Dean’s efforts to bring the volume of the conversation down just made you want to yell louder. “It wouldn’t kill you to loosen up!”

“It might kill you!” Dean matched your volume. “Im just trying to protect you, and dad would say the same thing if he-“

“You’re not dad!” You couldn’t take it anymore. You brushed past Dean, shaking his hand off when he tried to grab your arm, and stormed out the motel door, slamming it behind you.

Who was he to say you couldn’t go out? Dean, who had to be the most reckless person you knew.

Well, maybe you’d have to show him that he should practice what he preached. You were going to do as he did, not as he said.

You buried your hand into your pocket, pulling out one of your fake IDs.

You were going to show him.

…

Not fifteen minutes later you’d slipped into a bar and used your fake ID to order a beer. The bartender gave you a strange look, unsure about the “22” printed on your ID, but he’d served you nonetheless.

You sat at the bar for several minutes, wanting to spite Dean but not really wanting to drink. He’d gotten you the fake ID “in case anything happened”, and you needed to pretend to be an adult. He certainly didn’t get it so you could drink underage, and you honestly had never wanted to. You’d seen what it did to John, and how it was starting to affect Dean. You didn’t want it to somehow turn into your coping mechanism like it had with them.

Suddenly your fight with Dean felt really stupid. Was the rule really so unfair? It was his job to keep you safe, after all, and it made you feel horrible knowing that he’d never asked for that job. You weren’t his kid, you were John’s, but Dean saddled the responsibility anyway. And how did you repay him? Screaming at him and running off without telling him.

Oh gosh. He must be freaking out! He didn’t know where you were, and you’d already been gone for a bit. You’d seriously screwed up.

“Hey, princess.”

Just the sound of the grating voice made your blood run cold, and when it was followed by a hand on your arm, you visibly flinched.

“Do I know you?” You asked the stranger nervously.

“Not yet,” the man licked his lips, and your skin crawled. “Are you even old enough to drink that?” He gestured at the drink in front of you.

“Yes,” you hated how your voice quavered.

“Right,” the man grinned, clearly not believing you. “Don’t worry baby, I won’t tell on you.”

Whenever Dean called you baby, it always made you feel safe, like a baby sister Dean would always protect. When this man called you baby, it made you want to crawl out of your own skin and hide somewhere.

“You here with anyone?”

“No—I mean, I mean yes,” why, oh why had the truth slipped out?

“That’s ok, I can keep you company,” you curled in on yourself when the man leaned his body closer to yours, hating how small and pathetic you must look compared to him.

“No thanks,” your voice came out barely above a whisper.

“What was that, baby?” The man’s hand came around your waist, and he didn’t wait for an answer. “Why don’t you have a drink, you’re so tense.” He pulled your drink closer to you, and suddenly you wanted nothing to do with it.

You shook your head, finding that your voice didn’t want to work.

“Aw c’mon, just a little sip,” the man suddenly had one hand on the back of your neck, the other lifting your drink. You tried to squirm away but his grip was too strong, and a whimper escaped your lips when the cool feeling of the glass pushed against them, demanding entrance.

“Open up, pretty little thing,” he twisted so that his arm was holding your neck in place, moving his hand over to your jaw to pry it open. You felt the bitter liquid enter your mouth, and suddenly the man put the cup down, using one hand to cover your mouth while the other pinched your nose.

You couldn’t think, couldn’t even breathe. Eventually it got to the point where you had no choice but to swallow, and once you did, the man released you.

“There we go, now that wasn’t so bad, was it baby?” He leaned close, and his alcohol stained breath invaded your senses. “The next part will be even better.”

Suddenly your head felt fuzzy, your body swaying in your chair. Surely this couldn’t happen because of one sip of beer, right? The scene played back in your head, and suddenly you saw it. The man’s hand hovering over your drink when he went to lean close to you. He must’ve slipped something in it, that’s why he was so desperate to get you to drink.

“S’cuse me,” your voice came out slightly slurred as you slid out of your chair, heading for the restroom. You sensed the man following right behind you, and you broke into a run.

It was a single bathroom, so you were able to lock the door a split second after you entered. You fumbled for your phone, not even hesitating as you clicked Dean’s number.

“Y/N where are you?” Dean didn’t wait for you to speak, his voice demanding and angry. You felt tears begin to stream down your cheeks as a pounding came from the bathroom door.

“I’m so sorry, Dean I’m sorry, I need help please.”

The anger dissipated, and was replaced with worry as Dean repeated his question.

“Where are you?”

“It’s-um…” why couldn’t you remember the name? Your brain felt so fuzzy, and you were so tired.

“It’s that bar we passed, um…”

“You’re at a bar?” You heard the Impala engine start, and your heart rate picked up when the door shook with the man’s pounding.

“Dean I’m sorry,” you sobbed. “Please hurry, there’s-there’s a man and he-he’s trying to…”

“I’m coming, it’s ok just hold on baby.”

Boom!

The door hinges shook.

“Dean…” you whimpered.

Boom! Boom!

The plaster around the door cracked.

“Baby? What’s happening?”

Boom!

You let out a panicked cry when the door flung open.

“Honey, talk to me, what’s-“ Dean’s voice was cut off when the man smacked the phone out of your hand.

“You didn’t have to do that,” your stomach knotted at the sickeningly sweet tone. “It’s not gonna hurt that bad, I promise. It’ll be quick.”

“Please…” you felt your knees give out, and you curled against the wall as your whole body shuddered.

“I’m gonna take real good care of you,” the man was reaching forward to grab you when he was suddenly flung backwards, and Dean took his place in front of you. He remained for a few seconds, looking you over for signs of injuries, before he turned his attention to the man, his whole body tensing with rage.

You slowly got to shaky feet as Dean began to pound his fists, his palms, his feet, everything, into the man, and before long the creep couldn’t hold himself upright, his face bloody and his body bruised.

“Dean.”

The beating stopped immediately at the sound of your terrified whimper. Dean dropped the man and turned to face you, and you ignored his bloody knuckles and bruised hands as you collapsed into his arms.

“I got you, you’re ok,” Dean’s strong arms held you tightly against him, and you relaxed completely as he picked you up, your arms wrapped around his neck and your legs around his torso as he carried you outside.

He set you down gently in the passengers seat of the Impala, and he moved to close the door but you grabbed onto his hand.

“Not yet,” your voice came out in a hoarse whisper, and Dean knelt down to look you in the eyes.

“You’re not hurt are you? He didn’t…” Dean trailed off as you shook your head, and relief settled onto his features. “Honey what happened?”

You recounted the story, and as you did you began to cry again. It felt like living it all over again, and soon you were sobbing in Dean’s arms as he held you close, rubbing your back and cradling your head.

“It’s over now,” he promised. “I’m gonna take you home.”

You finally let him pull away, and he shut your door before climbing into the drivers seat. You drove in silence for a few minutes, but you couldn’t hold back what you needed to say any longer.

“Dean, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of what I said, I know why we have rules and I know you’re doing your best. I-I know-“ you broke off, pulling your knees to your chest before continuing. “I know you don’t deserve to be stuck in charge of me, and I’m-I’m sorry for being so difficult.”

Dean had been silent up to this point, but now he broke him, alarm on his features.

“What? Baby I’m not stuck with you, you’re my baby sister and it’s my job to-“

“But it’s a job you didn’t ask for!” You broke in, trying to keep back your tears for the third time this night. “Dad just left you here with me, and-and I know I’m not easy-“

“Stop right there,” Dean interrupted. “Sweetheart, this is the easiest job in the world for me, ok? I mean sure, sometimes you run off and give me a heart attack,” he gave you a pointed look. “But sometimes you also help with research, or bring me food, or talk Sammy through his nightmares. Honey we need you around here, just as much as you need us. We’re family, understand? It’s all of our jobs to look out for each other, so don’t think you’re just some burden on me. Don’t ever think that.”

You felt your face light up with a smile, and you finally looked up at Dean.

“Ok.”

“Ok,” Dean nodded firmly as he pulled into the motel. “Now c’mon, you should get some food and sleep.”

“Dean?”

Dean hummed as he opened your car door and led you inside.

“Can…can I sleep in your bed tonight? It’s just…I’m still kinda freaked and I thought-“

“Of course you can baby,” Dean leaned down and kissed your head. “That’s what I’m here for. It’s my job.”

[1000roughdrafts]

Dean Winchester X Reader Masterlist

Some of my works are 18+, which I'll write as such here, but please heed the warnings on the individual posts as well - All under the cut :)

One Shots xx

Angst

💙 Us - request: Can you do a deanxreader songfic to the song us by Regina spektor

💙Goodbye ~ After Dean takes on the mark, his relationship with Y/N starts to fall through the cracks. She’s had enough of him taking out his stress on her, and after years of silencing her pain, she finally lets him know why  it’s time to say goodbye.

💙How Do I Become Enough ~Reader and Dean right about her doubts, she feels somewhat isolated and annoyed. No cheating, necessarily, but think along the lines of Dolly Parton’s Jolene  

💙Intrusive Thoughts ~Dean was supposed to visit Y/N while she was at work, but when he didn’t show, she got worried. After finally getting ahold of him, she was relieved to know that he was alive. But when another full day passes by without a word, her mind goes into overdrive about what could have happened to him.

💙Voicemails ~ this is a small, angsty thing, and it is 100000% self indulging so please feel free to just ignore it.

💙 Illicit Affairs - Request from anon based on Taylor Swift’s song Illicit Affairs <3

💙  Promise Me This Is Forever -  this is for @allywritesblog and #allyswriting event, and im using the quote "promise me this is forever" :)

Fluff

💙 Phone Calls With Dean ~ just a random thing I wrote for a story that didn’t pan out, no real plot to this.

💙Shooting With Dean ~ Dean takes you out for target practice, but something else is on his mind.

💙Time ~Soulmate AU, Y/N has had the ability to pause and unpause time for likely her whole life, believing she was the only person with such a power. One day, she learns that not only is that not true, but the other person is her soulmate. 

💙 Salted Baseball Bat - Anon Request: "'They said that gluing salt to a baseball bat to fight ghosts was a stupid idea, but who's laughing now?' you say as you whack the ghost again."

💙 Criminal - DeanxReader request from @rileynicole1967 based on the song Criminal by Britney Spears

💙 Cat-astrophe Written for @spnfanficpond​‘s unfic challenge with the prompt “I may have accidentally sort of adopted 5 cats.”fluff, stern!Dean, 

💙  Baby Winchester 2021 - Reader finds out she's pregnant, and tells Dean in a cute, fluffy way.

💙  Just Another Day - Fluffy Dean x female!reader Valentine's Day post

Flangst

💙 We're Gonna Get You Through This - reader is triggered back to a horrible memory and explains to Dean why waiting to have sex is best for her. 

💙Currently untitled ~ Request: could you do a deanxreader fic where she goes out on a date (maybe to a bar) for drinks with a guy and towards the end of the night, the guy (you pick the name) starts being rough with her cause he’s drunk and hurts her, then dean finds out somehow and comes over to kick his ass then admits his feelings for her?

💙 A Boring Holy Cross Tattoo - A Fic inspired by Cards Against Supernatural with the cards “Dean has 99 problems but ____ ain’t one.” and “A boring holy cross tattoo”.

💙 Amnesia - Request from @rileynicole1967​ : Deanxreader one shot or series ;) based off the song “amnesia” by 5 seconds of summer but in the readers pov and at the end he comes back for her and it’s all fluffy and cute.

💙 Half a Man - Follow up to the Amnesia request from @rileynicole1967​ - this one takes place the same night as Amnesia, but in Dean’s perspective and based on the song Half a Man.

18 + / Smut One Shots

💙Downtime ~ 18+, smut; After weeks of hunting the same witch, you and Dean decide to take a weekend break, but you didn’t expect what was in store for that weekend.

💙Punishment ~ 18+, smut; After embarrassing Dean at an important dinner, he punishes you with a cold shower.

💙 Size Matters - 18+ Smut DeanxReader request from anon, where reader has a size kink

💙 Poison  -  DeanxReader request from @kaitlaitlaitl​ based on the song Poison by Alice Cooper

Mini Series xx

💙 Movie Monsters Part One | Part Two ~ You’re teamed up with Dean, a man you’ve always found obnoxious, to find out the path of a new monster. Of course, things don’t always go as planned. (Complete)

💙 Never Have I Ever Part One | Part Two  ~ Part Two is pure smut; College!AU - Dean gets jealous of the attention he thinks you’re receiving from Cas during a small party at your house and doesn’t know what to do with it, so he leaves the room to keep drinking. 

💙 Hope is a Dangerous Thing... Part One | Part Two ~ The renowned author of a best-selling crime novel, Y/N Y/L/N, was thrown into a whole new world after her parents were brutally murdered. Their killer never found, Y/N took things into her own hands, meeting the Winchesters in her journey for justice. Even years later, she struggles to let anyone close in fear they’d leave or worse.

💙  i hate u, i love u (1) Slowburn au/Y/N has been in a relationship with Nick for the last 5 years. They’ve had a rough go. There’s been good and bad times, but she finally realizes that the man she thought she loved has been abusing her. Dean offers her a safe haven when she feared she had nothing else. (this may be abandoned, but we will see)

💙Reverse Supernatural  ~ request; “Hi!! I have been tossing an idea around for a bit… What if… Now hear me out… What if the Reader was the experienced hunter and she/he has to save Dean and/or Sam who have never known the supernatural existed…?” (only part one is out right now / ongoing / might also become abandoned)

Series xx

💙Family Secrets ~ 18+ ; Your uncle Bobby, and adoptive father Rufus, had a secret. A secret they never wanted the Winchester’s to find out. They had done a good job of keeping you from crossing their path, but now that they've both passed away there is nothing they can do about the brothers finding out their secret; you. (ongoing BUT I really want to and am seriously considering taking it down to rewrite it - this was the first thing I ever wrote and it's... it shows lol) 2/22/24 A/N: I want to return to this series, but since it was pretty much my first fic ever, I really want to rewrite some of the episodes and make it pace better. I understand that that might not be the best solution, however, so maybe I’ll just add inbetweeners or something. Just know I want to come back to finish it and may change some things along the way 😊

[shallowseeker]

btw i know you said asks off so i wont be offended if you refuse to answer but im always thinking about how touched cas must feel when dean comes storming in during the diner scene in lily sunder... his friends care about him!!!!! :)

Oh. Hehe. I guess when I turned it off, I only turned off anon asks. :-)

No, no. Not offended at all. I just turned off the anon asks cause I was getting a lot of bizarre messages, some of them really out of line. (I think mostly due to me posting a Rowena-pegs-Sam joke on a poll that was apparently more high-stakes to some folks than I ancitpated.).

BUT YES LILY SUNDER OH GOD LET'S HAVE LILY SUNDER HOURS TOGETHER

You know, I wonder! I think he was touched, but he was feeling some mixed emotions, too. Namely, irritation and eventually horror.

I'm not the best Cas understander out there, so maybe a Cas-pert can weight in but... here we go.

///

At the beginning of the episode, we find Dean and Cas in a Cold War, both irritable with one another for...simply put, being heroes. Neither wants the other to "be a hero" and get hurt. The feeling is mutual.

Cas wanted to protect Dean from his stupid deal, and then Mary stepped in to take on the burden of the stupid deal, and then Cas stepped in to override Mary and got Cursed (TM).

OMG Look at Dean's FACE when Cas says, "I have to go."

////

And yes, it appears you're right. He wanted their support!

///

I wonder how heavily Cas's need for appreciation is weighted into this?

I'm thinking particularly of this line: "...and appreciative, too!"

He wants Dean to appreciate his heroics.

We see this desire repeated in the 12x19 Future script, with the mental picture of a strong, shirtless Cas and the hyperfocused closeup of Dean saying, "Thank you..."

///

And Dean is grateful.

From Sam's words, it sounds like Dean is the one who started the Cold War. The end of this episode will bookend with Dean trying to put to words why he's so pissy.

(He's worried.)

///

Looking at the diner scene today...

I honestly think annoyance might be winning for Cas overall. :D

///

He needed to talk the soldier talk, and he does: complimenting his fellow soldiers' dominations of their vessels and "keeping them" all these years.

Yikes, I'm not sure he'd engage in that kind of "angel bro talk" with Sam and Dean present. It's like they're talking about their cars.

Cas is here with one goal in mind, to get intel. He resolves to be cool-headed.

And Cas resolves to put up with it. For the sake of strategy and intel.

///

But then Dean charges in, and this is the face of an angel "losing face" and alllllll his negotiation power:

Sam and Dean have unwittingly taken away his ability for locker-room talk.

///

And then, things go to Hell. Ishim gets mad.

///

With a lap-full of Dean, Cas tries to salvage what little trust he had: "I only brought Sam and Dean."

And Dean, in Ishim's eyes, starts "mouthing off" and "getting cute." He hates it.

(I think Ishim reads them, and he's jealous about it, to be honest. Cas was everything Ishim wanted to be as a soldier, and Cas's humans truly love him.)

///

And Ishim continues his insults, which has the effect of successfully drawing Dean AND Sam into an argument as they defend Cas.

///

Cas tries to give Sam a BIG hint.

//

And then... Cas loses the discussion. Ishim closes up and decides NOT to play ball. Ishim redirects, "I have a safe house nearby."

This is a face of, "fuck you guys. Look what you did. You've made him shut down AND he's demanding I move the conversation to a 'safe place.'"

And a safe place like that is safer for ISHIM but not for Cas. It's not the outcome Cas wanted. He wanted to get to the meat of things: intel.

And he wanted to do it in a public place with backup.

///

Now that I look, I think... I think yes, he's certainly touched to have their support, but in the moment, his annoyance is winning out.

This has the vibes of, "Don't make things needlessly complicated, as you humans tend to do."

YOU DESTROYED MY NEGOTIATION, DEAN.

///

Later, of course, there's the fight.

And Ishim wipes the floor with them.

This and what happens with Ramiel in Stuck in the Middle with You are two of Cas's worst moments. I think they're huge parts of what triggers his lone wolfism at the end of this season.

He may want support, but he doesn't want them to protect him.

That's unacceptable / devastating / frightening!

(Cas, afraid he's going to have to watch Dean die.)

Dean lowers his hand, and we don't GET Cas's reaction when he does, but I can imagine it was one of the most devastating moments of his life.

Aside/// Someone smarter than me... Is that even a proper banishing sigil? It doesn't have the usual triangle that I've seen the boys use. I know Samuel used some different ones...

///

And Ishim, who already "read" Dean in the dinner, is now wanting to punish Castiel for having THE THING HE HIMSELF wanted...

...and so of course he calls his bluff: "That's what I thought."

//////

I rate it MIXED. I think Cas is having majorly mixed feelings about all this! I think he wants his family's support, but when he finally gets it, it's the WORST feeling. It's maybe the worst thing that's ever happened to him.

[tasteslikevelvet]

thinkng about dean getting into yoga. like maybe its one of those things that sam is always nagging him about, a constant exchange of dean complaining about his back, his knees, his hips, just for sam to say, “you know i do yoga and i love it” just for dean to scoff everytime and roll his eyes. “you should do yoga” “get into yoga” “why dont you try stretching every once in a while” until dean doesnt even bother responding with more than a glare and an unexplainable frustration that sets his teeth on edge.

until one day cas sees dean favoring one side of his body when he walks and cas touches his fingers so softly to deans forearm and asks whats wrong, and dean says that his right leg is just a little tight. and cas looks him in the eyes and says “i know that it’s not something you’d typically be interested in, but yoga might be of help to you.” something is different when cas says it, less accusatory than sam’s suggestions. less like youre not doing enough to fix whats wrong with you and more like there are ways that you can feel better. so instead of brushing cas off, dean says “whats so good about yoga?” cas laughs and admits that hes not entirely sure because hes never done it, but that guided stretching and meditation has been used for years to help sync up the body and the mind, as well as loosen the joints. dean believes him. dean tries it.

dean hates it. no way in hell is he trying this out in public, so he takes cas’s suggestion of an at home video and with the power of modern day technology he finds himself on a youtube page of a woman named adriene who must be doing something right cuz she has almost 12 million subscribers. shes nice, pretty, but as soon as she says the words “downward dog” deans muttering “nope- not happening, not happening”

thats it. he gave it a shot. he doesnt tell sam and he ignores each new slightly condescending suggestion that sam throws his way. but theres something about it he cant shake, no matter how stupid he’d felt alone in his bedroom with his big chunky headphones on. until somehow he ends up on the video again. he only gets halfway through before his tight muscles protest extremely enough that he calls it quits only ten minutes in. but he tries again, again, the same exact video until he practcally has adriene’s introduction speech memorized. it gets easier every time, and when it doesnt, or when he cant, or when it hurts, he just breathes instead and watches as adriene does all the hard work for him. says things like “do this lovingly” and “show up however you show up, no worries. just connect to your breath with me.” its nice. and one day hes in child’s pose (or as close as he can get with how tight his hips are) and it feels good, and his eyes are closed, and he doesnt hear the knock on his door through the padding of his headphones- just looks over and sees cas standing there. deans too damn relaxed to do anything but blink at him.

cas smiles very kindly. “how is it?” and dean just says “im doing yoga with adriene” and realized he doesn’t mean Yoga With Adriene but yoga with adriene, not that cas would know the difference anyway. cas stoops all the way down in an impressive bend to kiss the back of deans bowed head over his hair and says “tell adriene i say hello” before walking back out of the room and closing the door softly behind him, leaving dean in privacy.

dean closes his eyes. in his ears he hears “i lovingly invite you to stay here and experience this stretch, even when you want to fidget or feel unsure.” so dean stays.

[incorrectsides]

y’all can hold seth accountable for shitty things he’s done 4 years ago but can’t criticise dean for shitty things he’s done 7 days ago. makes sense.

[samscompliment]

let’s discuss deans bi agenda actually bc ive decided he was in love the whole time. i’m sorry mr winchester for previously thinking you were stupid enough not to know but anyway heres my timeline

so initially i think that dean’s suspicious of himself early on, but it’s the eighties and he’s only ever around sam and john and theres all the OTHER fucked up stuff john put on him to deal with so he IS going to be avoiding that thought forever probably. except then he meets lee and falls for him and thinks oh. of course i would be. lots of self hating irony and so on

by s1-3 dean is out to himself and doing a couple of clandestine hookups so he probably worked through some stuff during stanford era. a lil rebellious streak like im not what my dad wants me to be but he ditched me so i am going to be WORSE and do it on PURPOSE. ash and victor and cassie and lisa etc

s4-7 he meets cas but cas is an ANGEL and there are definitely feelings of intimidation mixed in there with Whatever The Fuck Else he’s feeling so he simply decides not to think too hard about it. also its the apocalypse and hes stressed and then cas is dead so it doesn’t matter

s8 is the first turning point bc purgatory is removed from society so there’s no right or wrong. i think benny is the first relationship dean has with a man where he isn’t also hating himself for it, and so then when aaron hits on him dean thinks— well, maybe. maybe i could come out. and he doesnt but even then i think dean still sees cas as this, like, separate category in his head. bc deans feelings for him are so MESSY!! they’re wrapped up in love and betrayal and need and awe and fright. i don’t think he has an oh moment so much as i think he comes to a quiet understanding that he loves him and needs him (hello 8x17)

obviously the mark happens in s9 and that’s just a HUGE can of worms and so dean stops analysing his feelings for cas bc he has bigger fish to fry. is just sort of purposefully like well i’m not looking at that maybe if i dont think about it it will go away. it just sort of quietens down to this background noise that isn’t as obvious as lust and just simmers away beneath the surface

s11 my beloved im a “dean has the oh moment in 11x11” as per this post bc it’s literally... i see it i perceive it it’s an inherent truth to my supernatural. this is deans “oh fuck cas is the love of my life im in love with him im STILL in love with him and im not gonna love anyone else. cas is it for me. fuck” moment plus also the realisation that he actually wants it and he wants cas to love him back

of course cas is possessed by lucifer at this point so that’s a snag. i also like this reading bc then i watch them say goodbye when they think deans going to die facing amara with the soul bomb and i get soooo sad. terrible to think that he just figured this out and he wanted to act on it but now he can’t bc he’s going to die. there’s no point telling cas so he just hugs him instead and lets his face fall where cas cant see. delicious

once mary comes back there’s like a billion and one things going on hence why nothing ever gets done about it and then cas dies and jack kills mary and it is a literal fucking nightmare for a guy who just wants to tell his buddy he loves him

i have also recently decided that i like them both knowing they’re hovering on the edge of something in s14/15 but making a mutual decision not to act on it for various reasons. except then of course dean decides to tell him in purgatory bc WHY NOT and cas doesn’t let him say it but he DOES acknowledge it and they have this very soft unspoken understanding between them in the following eps. dare i say hopeful even. which is unfortunate given how this ends but i just think. god. like at the end of the day it just comes down to the fact that there’s love in deans eyes but it was there the whole time. he loved him from the start. and then they killed him closeted at forty

[violenceenthusiast]

im curious why people are saying supernatural is jewish like idk if jewish writers makes an inherently jewish story especially when things like following out the christian apocalypse from revelations and showing a real physical g-d who is just some guy i think is super jarring since though christians claim to be against idolatry they seem totally fine showing depictions of gd or whatever i dont get jesus honestly but jews are far more strict and the idea of showing gds appearance is pretty wrong

WOOF okay um. Maybe this is one of those Tone Doesn’t Come Thru Well Online things but to me this is soo fucking rude… I’m half way between John Mulaney we don't have time to unpack all of that & Ben Wyatt wait it’s gonna bother me if I don’t explain why you’re wrong. 

This turned into all my thoughts. 

So like. First off, it’s all fun and games. We’re all just joking and joshing and projecting here on destiel dot tumblr dot com and Jupernatural is not an exception in a lot of ways. And so when someone shits on what we’re doing here (yes, even unintentionally) what you get is what happened: oh you think you’re funny well I’m about to be hilarious!!! aka I’m gonna do it even more now out of spite specifically because you said not to. Like it really is all jokes but also you know what’s not a joke? Antisemitism in all its forms, even the casual shit! It’s really draining and it builds up in your veins!! Just. Yeah. You saw a lot of people talking about it today in particular because much like other topics of the day, one thing kicks off a whole other turn of events. So like. one misguided comment that’s playfully antisemitic and then one more little one, and then one big/obvious one launched us (Jewish spn fans) into a whole bigger discussion about antisemitism and erasure of Jews in the spn fandom writ large. It’s one thing to be descriptive, offer a headcanon/what if, or employ a certain mode of analysis. It’s another thing to definitively say This Is The Truth, specifically when to do so overrides something else, especially in this case when what’s being overridden is Jews, an ethnoreligious minority. It’s also another thing to talk over Jews. And mind this has been building for days. Not in a bad way just like, it’s been topical for days and then today one big thing pushed it over the edge to us actually posting abt it (partially bc at that point it’s a pattern, which feels like it needs to be addressed). Like, destiel tumblr is small we pretty much all see all the same posts, and then Jewish spn fans… we’re friends, we chat about life? We joke around together, y’know? If you’re being antisemitic (yes, even unintentionally) we’re all gonna hear abt it. It’s how we stay safe or in this case, curate the online exp.

That being said tho projecting on fiction is like fun and even a good thing at times, and def opens up new modes of analysis. But! the other big thing here is that there IS a LOT of evidence for a Jewish reading of spn, in a lot of ways, and particularly if you know what to look for. Like there’s lots of niche Jewish slang (non-Jews just don’t know these things, and that is a reflection primarily of the writers but once you put it in the script it implies things about the characters too of course), the theology of the early seasons (I’ll get to that in a second), main character motivations (hold on), “Moishe Campbell” implying Mary is (and therefore Sam and Dean are) Jewish, etc. 

It’s not surprising to me or anything that non-Jews don’t catch anything/everything Jewish about spn but that Jews catch both sides of it, because that’s just how being part of a marginalized group works. You learn about your own stuff AND the dominant culture’s stuff because that’s how you survive (socially, psychologically, literally). Members of the dominant culture don’t need to learn the marginalized one, are never confronted with it, and so they just.. don’t. I don’t even mean that in a normative or accusatory way, that’s just an observation on the state of things. Non-Jews who aren’t part of another marginalized religion, aka expressed xtians and cultural xtians, have a ton of misconceptions about Judaism, for example, “Jesus was Jewish” and not, “Jesus was an asshole of an apostate who made life harder for Jews at the time in a myriad of ways and whose movement has had a lasting negative impact on world Jewry (and other peoples) for the ensuing millenia”. I truly Don’t Have Time right now to get into the varied and intense history of antisemitism in all its forms but. the point I’m making here is that I’m not shocked I need to explain that life experience shapes your worldview?? So if you’re Jewish you’re always gonna be living life through that version of the world and it does impact you?? Same as anything else?? As unwell as they may be, spn writers aren’t exempt from that. Jewish people writing about xtianity are doing so thru a primarily Jewish understanding and vice versa. Jews can (and did!) write about xtian lore but in a Jewish way! Some core Jewish themes: wrestling with angels/G-d, questioning G-d, IF there’s a G-d they will have to beg MY forgiveness, the afterlife isn’t really a big thing so all that matters is your time on earth, make amends to others directly and thru your actions rather than seeking absolution with G-d, you are not obligated to complete the work nor may you abandon it, etc… So that’s the other reasoning why we say “spn is Jewish” based solely on it being written by Jews. Rather than Death of The Author, let’s look at what the author has imbued the story with, both intentionally and unintentionally. And re: Chuck and idolatry… I don’t even know where to start with the way you phrased this but. the Jewish Spn Writers of Note are apparently Kripke, Gamble, and Edlund. All of whom stopped writing for the show years before the Chuck Is God plot! 

Like yes it feels very stupid to be writing a thousand words on antisemitism and supernatural but like. this is a spn blog run by a Jew so. This whole thing is also just the same every time. This is very representative of typical casual antisemitism.

[inkedmyths]

S1: E11 "Scarecrow"

I said I would watch some today so here we goooo

One Year Ago? Hm

Ooooh Apple Pie... I want apple pie now

[ Crepe says she thinks I will like this ep. I like apples so this seems like a good sign. ]

Oh is it a cult town? I think its a cult town

Ohhhh spooooky orchard

God I want apples

Thats a spookyass scarecrow

IT MOVED

ITS GONNA COME FOR U

Oh where's he go? Him gone?

OH FUCK HIS FACE

Wasn't there a scary stories chapter like this? A scarecrow that skinned someone?

[ Yes! From Scary Stories to Tell In the Dark: More Tales to Chill Your Bones. This monster isn't Harold, but there are big similarities. ]

HEY ITS THE BASTARD DAD

Ok its a demon? A demon that killed the mom and the gf? Whats its fuckin problem?

Daddy Issues Galore

Generally speaking taking "orders" from a parent is a bad sign for your relationships

NO DEAN THATS NOT HOW PARENTAL RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD WORK

These two are so. So stupid. So bad at emotions in different directions

Worried about their family members and SHIT at expressing it

CLASSIC ROCK FAN fucking moron

Ohhhh this town is definitely a cult or something

Ohhh its a chick. Oh they're going to be the "couple" that get attacked huh

GIRL THATS SO SHADY WHAT. DONT DO THAT

Oh maybe not. Maybe its normal

Ohh weird screaming? Is it the emf? Yep

Haunted orchard haaaaaunted orchard

Ew scarecrow

"Dude you fugly" so true Dean

YOU'RE GONNA POKE IT??

OH FUCK THE SKIN? I WAS RIGHT

Strangercore

OHHHH I get it I seeee like. A yearly sacrifice that keeps the crops bountiful

Lmao girl I knew it

GOD ALL THESE APPLES I WANT APPLE PIE 😭

Dean stop talking to people you're bad at it

Ohhhh they are so definitely being sacrificed

HHHRGH

Dean gets arrested pt..... whatever. Moron

Ok so theres Sacrificial Couple and then Sam is having bonding time with this chick over Families Sucking

There's the scarecrow! A hunting we will go!

I WAS RIIIIGHT THEY WERE SACRIFICES

But I am going to go out on a limb and guess Sam and this chick are gonna be hunted by this ~pagan god~

[ Crepe asks if this is "best girl Meg". Apparently yes! I don't know what this means aside from she will be returning later. ]

I like this professor dude hes excited to share knowledge

OOP

I KNEW IT. CULT TOWN. OUT TO KILL THEM

OHHH they are going to sacrifice Dean right. OH AND THE NIECE NO

[ Crepe points out that aside from the human sacrifice it could have just been like. A normal festival. Like they could have just been normal about it but nooooo. Can't have that. Have to kill people. ]

Meanwhile Sam is like DEANS NOT ANSWERING NOW IM STRESSED

Sam looking like a kicked puppy bc he is worried about his brother

Poor girl she knew nothing :(

Fucking weirdass cult town

GUYS YES THERE IS YOU GUYS COULD JUST GROW APPLES FUCKING NORMALLY

Dean you're so lucky your brother is paranoid

LMAO "I take back everything I said I'm so happy to see you" god they're so funny

LOCALS. LOCAL NUTJOBS

Oops got u instead bc ur stupid

Ah yes old tree old runes on it

Huh I thought the fighting the scarecrow would be more of a fight

And she's the one getting on the bus now. Hope she gets some therapy and a nice life after that.

Sam is like "I was gone for a day and you almost died. I can't leave you be for 5 minutes"

Ohhh hey its this chick again

WHUH

OH MY GOD SHE JUST? BLOOD?

Serial killer Sam bestie you dodged a bullet I think

UHHH WHATS SHE WANT WITH THEM

"FATHER" WHO ARE YOU

What the fuck

---

Alright so I did like that ep. I think taking normal white rural neighborhoods and making them fucked up is fun. Fascinated by this poor Emily girl, just. Like I hope she moves on? Makes a good life for herself? Like losing your parents, living with your aunt and uncle, loving them and the town, then one day without warning they drag you off to a cellar to sacrifice you to the town god, watch them get murdered by said god... and then you pack up and leave for somewhere else, anywhere else, because what else can you do? Man.

Uhh jury’s still out on favorites. This was a good ep for development and a good Sam ep. Actually how did Dean ever survive w/o Sam around to bail him out lmao.

But just. The way Dean goes on about the greater good, but ultimately its more about what their dad wants them to do. Sam’s often more swayed by his bond with his family, as estranged as he feels from them. But this flip flops, back and forth, Saving people, saving family. Its interesting.

And the plot thickens. Dad Winchester’s on the trail of what killed their mom and Sam’s fridged gf, this Meg chick is? After the bros? And was clearly lying to try and get close to Sam for reasons unclear. Hm.

Anyways I get apple pie now so definitely a win

[spiltscribbles]

Im so excited!!!! Here’s a little “It’s always been you. You and only you.” sprinkled in with Green-Eyed Epiphany

~Notes: OMFG bubby!!!! You are so beyond adorable! Thank you So SO much for the sweetness!! I really hope you like this XS and fingers crossed  this fits the promptXS <3 <3 <3

.-

Prompt Smash Game  |  Send Me A Prompt💜   |  A Reblog Is Like A Huge, Warm Hug!!!

.-

~R: my mom’s working the night shift at the clinic👀👀

~S: Kinky😏

~S: I can be there in 15

~R: make it 20 and get Chinese x

~S: sometimes I think ur j using me for the food

~R: and bring henny😈

.-

It’s seventeen minutes since Remus sent the last text when the front door of his modest ranch house begins to thump with a familiar wrapping that’s three quick knocks followed by two slower ones, and he has to wrestle down the eager grin from his face when he swings it open to find one of his closest friends standing at the threshold in that customary  weathered, leather jacket that he found two summers ago when Remus had taken him thrifting for the first time, and an impish sort of smirk that definitely would look ridiculous on anyone else, but only makes Sirius all the more maddeningly attractive. 

“What took so long?” Remus asks mildly, pulling him indoors by the sleeve and gesturing for him to set the goods on the kitchen counter once they cross the small foyer.

“You wound me, Lupin.” Sirius retorts, quick-silver eyes flashing before he pins him against the island and puts his hands on either side of his waistline with more gentleness than Remus would’ve expected before they began this whole sorted affair— Okay, maybe that’s the wrong word for it?

It’s not an affair, or tryst, or carrying on or whatever the fuck else Lily says when she’s teetering on the wrong edge of tipsy and thinks it’s her right to call Remus out on his bullshit— on his stupid, beyond obvious crush he’s been fostering for one of his closest friends since junior high.

It’s none of those things— It’s not nearly as dramatic.

It’s just— Just that yes, Remus has been harboring a tiny infatuation  for Sirius ever since that first day of the seventh grade  when he had moved to this tiny, coastal town after his parents divorce. But how could he have not? Sirius is hilarious, and a genius, and so gorgeous that sometimes it feels like his insides are twisting up whenever he glances over at him. And on that first day, he had just caught Remus’s eyes from across the library shelves before classes begun, and smiled in that uniquely electric way of his, and asked if Remus could put slime in a very specific locker, (Snape’s), for a very specific reason, (Because he kept following Lily around like a creep), on account to no one suspecting the new kid. And yeah— Remus was lost on him an embarrassing amount from then on. 

Sure, it can be regarded as kinda pathetic on Remus’s end— kindling this nest of emotions so close to the chest— but also it’s not as if he’s been lovestruck by his crush, like it’s some sort of waterlogged scarf he’s got dragging him down. His attraction towards Sirius is like a soft melody that’s swelling in the backdrop of all their interactions, nothing overwhelming— not a flood plane, not yet at least. It’s warm, and it’s familiar, and it’s persistent like a flutter of a humming bird’s wings.  And Remus doesn’t mind pining over someone as fantastical as Sirius Fucking Black.

Graciously, in some strike of incredible luck, Sirius never caught on to Remus’s silly feelings, not until that night when they were watching an old movie in Remus’s basement while James and Lily were celebrating an entire year together— save for all their sudden stops and just as speedy starts— and Peter was visiting his grandmother in Tampa Bay. It was the first time they had been alone together since Remus broke up with Caradoc for the final time, and Sirius just looked so fucking good in that casual, white v-neck and his skinny jeans that make him look like some echo of James Dean on his best day. And Remus isn’t sure who exactly moved forwards first, or how the fuck Meg Ryan wandering the Seattle streets was some sort of aphrodisiac, or why Sirius— who could have any guy he would ever want— was actually humoring him, but one second they’re lying down on the sofa— Remus caged between Sirius’s expanse and the cushions behind them— and the next he’s tasting PBR on Sirius’s lips, and has got a fist full of his dark hair, and is thrilling at the feeling of Sirius’s thigh between his legs. And yeah— it just happened like those sort of things are want to do, and by the end of it they were sticky and breathless and diffident in ways they never been around one another, in ways Remus reckons Sirius has never been around anyone.

But the next weekend, when Sirius’s latest sorta— but not really— boyfriend had canceled on their dinner plans, Sirius wandered over to Remus’s bedroom window and it was another tumbling of frenzied hands and loosen buckles and thrusting hips. And then it just became an easy release— a sort of poetry, an understanding in all but name.

And that’s fine. They don’t have to talk about it. Remus knows that Sirius isn’t the type to settle down with a partner, to go bowling for a date, or texting countless messages that amount to nothing at all at the end of the conversation, or putting up with another dude’s parents taking photos of them before leaving to prom or homecoming or whatever the fuck else. And Remus is sorta sick of the idea of love, of trying so hard only to end up heartbroken and eating a gallon of Chubby Bunny in his favorite sweats and cursing John Hughes for pretending Hollywood romances can happen to ordinary high schoolers. 

So yeah— This thing they’ve fallen into with each other is good. They’re friends— best friends— and they have fun and they’re apparently really fucking good in bed together, and Sirius never looks at Remus with pity when he spots him gazing at his profile absentmindedly, and he doesn’t mind when Remus traces invisible designs against his skin when they’re soaking in the after glow, and he never treats him  any different. Sirius still slings his arm around Remus’s shoulders when they walk down the halls, and he still buys him his favorite chocolates when he feels poorly, and he still faces Dorcas's disapproving wrath when he drags Remus out of the library to have a little mischief— whether it’s smoking a blunt in the abandoned skatepark in town or playing some stupid prank on those assholes in their year. 

For all intent and purposes, they still behave the same they’ve always acted around one another, but just with the miraculous addition of mind-blowing and dulcetly ductile sex.

This is good, this is fun, this is completely untethered from the bull shit of romance.

And if Remus mouths against the juncture of Sirius’s neck a little too intensely— trying to pry off the memory of the hickey Sirius had been sporting after spending the weekend with Gideon Prewett— Well no one has to be any the wiser, and by the sound of Sirius’s hitched breaths, he seems not to mind even slightly.

“Except my apology?” Remus asks, more coy than he ordinarily acts as he drops his arms around Sirius’s neck, and leans on the balls of his feet to whisper against his temple.

“Oh, you’re such a bastard,” Sirius retorts, labored as all get out, kneading his fingers into Remus’s ass that’s only covered by the thin layer of his plaid pajama bottoms. “You are going to have to do a lot more for me to forgive the lip.”

Remus laughs in a stammering sort of way as Sirius tugs him along, walking backwards to his room that he’s become incredibly intimate with since the first time they did this three months ago. 

“Sirius, the spring rolls— they’re gross if we have to heat them up again.”

“I’ll postmate us knew ones,” Sirius insists, covering Remus’s mouth with his own with fervor. “C’mon babe, do not tease me like this.”

Sirius must’ve caught his mistake, because he suddenly goes as red as Remus feels— The pet name was to close for comfort considering their strictly friends with benefits nature, but Remus is already half hard, and he really does not want to end this, so with a sly wink, he returns to nipping at Sirius’s jawline, rutting against him in a very unambiguous way. “Fine, if you really don’t think you’ll need the nourishment for your stamina?”

The words have their intended effect, and Sirius makes a small growl deep in his throat before practically tearing off Remus’s shirt, and dipping beneath the waistline of his pants, scooping him up and racing to the bed.

And they get lost in one another beneath the pale glow of Remus’s lamplight and the moon spilling through the window, relearning each others every patch of skin for minutes on end that wax and wane like the delta of ocean waves, unspooling into something tangible and tantalizing with every kiss punctuated with teeth that Sirius trails across Remus’s collarbone, and the way Remus palms greedy hands up and down Sirius’s back until he gets the hint and undresses.

“Well come on, you’re not an invalid, Lupin.” Sirius jeers and Remus chuckles as he follows suit until they’re both finally, blessedly nude. And with an easy assurance of them having done this more than a dozen times now, Remus crawls into his lap and kisses him straight on the mouth, preening how Sirius moans against him— canting up wantonly and grabbing at his hips with a sort of intensity that will probably leave bruises in the shape of the pads of his fingers, and Remus absolutely adores the idea of that, feels something hot and needy and desperate unfurl in his gut as he presses their mouths more forcefully together, going buzzed when he gets to relish in the sensation of their tongues running against one another, and the taste of the ridges on the roof of Sirius’s mouth, and the slide of the soft skin of his inner cheek— gasping when Sirius pulls away abruptly, panting an almost reverent, “Mother of God, Remus,” and tackles him flat on his back before they commence, with the addition of both their hard,  leaking cocks thrusting against one another and Sirius’s hand in Remus’s hair pulling that bit more forcefully while his other one roams the dips and planes of his side— skirting against the divots of his stomach muscle before he wraps it around the pair of them and begins to pull in earnest, to the rhythm that Remus swears was strung from the heavens above.

“Oh— Oh, yeah— Sirius,” Remus breathes out in a haggard sort of way, words that he refuses to ever call a mewl even if they’re stretched out and crackle with emotion.

“Yes—, just say that again,” Sirius practically demands, his mouth completely covering his ear in a wet, hot heat— his teeth scraping against the soft shell. “Remus, baby, just say my name, tell me you want it.”

And God, Remus is feeling so heady— like he’s floating and he couldn’t possibly come back down— that he probably would’ve listened to anything Sirius asked of him, especially if he does that thing again, when he squeezes the slick length of them with a tad more force than they usually play at. “Sirius, Sirius. Sirius, please, I’m close,” Remus shrills in an unsteady staccato— his normally smooth tenner going pitchy and pleading, and he can feel his toes curling, can feel the eminent release coming— What he does not expect is to feel something poking at his entrance, didn’t expect to be struck dumb by the sensation of the tip of Sirius’s large, dry finger poking right there, right against the fluttering hole, while he’s still pumping them in tandem, and the second it hooks inside Remus goes a startling sort of static , sees blasts of white blotching his vision and his head thrown back and his dick spirting out heavily against Sirius’s deliciously defined torso.

And he’s just breathing heavily now, during the come down, can barely make out anything  through the heavy weight around him, the one  cushioning his head— but he does graciously feel Sirius’s cock fucking into his own hand against Remus’s thigh and then idly the feeling of his come splattering him, but then after that he can just barely hear the distant padding of feed against floorboards, followed by a wet washcloth being dabbed against his skin. So when he finally forces himself to focus, he sees Sirius cleaning himself off, wrapping it into the pair of joggers Remus was wearing earlier and tosses it to the corner of the room. 

“Rude,” he scolds with no heat, shuffling closer to him when Sirius lies down besides him once more and circles an arm around his torso.

“THat’s what you get when you’re acting like a lazy fuck,” Sirius counters, smug as all get out while he threads a hand in Remus’s hair.

“Hmm, didn’t see that in the papers recently. Is it a new law?”

“Yeah, actually just past on the senate floor.”

“Interesting… Well considering that only one of us has a senator for a father, I really have to ask to see the power-point you shared with him to get this bill through the stalemate,” Remus’s head bounces against Sirius’s chest from the force of his laughter at the barb.

“Oh, stuff it, Lupin.”

Hiding his smile into Sirius’s skin, Remus does as told, and they both just lie there, as if everything’s gone suspended just for the pair of them, just so Remus can count out the beats of Sirius’s heart pulsing against his sternum, and can feel the way their legs tie into one another, and can feel Sirius mouthing against his temple, blowing his curls with every exhale. 

And Remus thinks that he’d do anything to remember this exact moment for every single day from here on out.

But then the quiet is abruptly and permanently punctured by the sound of his phone chirping, and he has to breathe in deeply before separating from the warmth of Sirius, and fishes down for the device that’s still crammed into the side of his bed from where he had hidden it after that initial text.

“Is Dearborn still on your ass to try again?” Sirius asks, a bit stilted.

Remus wonders if he’s just imagining the tension twisted in the question, but reasons that Sirius’s never been Caradoc’s biggest fan, so he just shrugs it off— really doesn’t want to get into some stupid argument about his asshole of an ex when he’s still feeling so content. “Nah, ’s James. Still trying to force me to go to the homecoming dance with you guys.”

“Oh,” Sirius retorts, lips pinched while watching Remus redress. “You should go, Marls is pregaming and you know she always gets the good shit.”

Remus shakes his head while puttering over to find a new pair of sweats and a sweater. “Nah, just not feeling it this year— Erm, you’re taking Gid I assume.” He’s not sure why he asks it, supposes he’s always a glutton for some pain and shitty feelings to inspire his playlists habit, but also maybe it’s him trying to sober himself. Trying to remember that despite this— despite everything they just did and  how easy it’s always been for them to fall into step with one another— Remus isn’t good enough to be seen with Sirius in the light of day. He’s probably not handsome enough or cool enough or something else that makes Sirius absolutely revolted from the thought. Probably that he’s beyond bookish, and looks painfully virginal and isn’t nearly as sly or snarky as his other conquests.

Truly, Remus should just be thankful that Sirius wants this at all, he shouldn’t be so crazed over the why nots of the situation— it’ll only kill him trying to be something he never could actually affect with any credence.

Schooling his features to something passably indifferent, Remus pivots to face him again, is startled when he finds Sirius still naked and staring at him with a burning sort of intensity in his storm cloud eyes. 

“He hasn’t said anything, but I guess he’s assuming as much,” he finally says, running a hand through his overgrown fringe, that familiar twitch of the corner of his mouth grabbing Remus’s attention. The one that tells him Sirius is actually irritated about something he’s not letting himself say out loud. 

“Erm, good? Gid’s a decent guy.” Remus mutters, head ducked once it gets to a point that he can’t stand Sirius looking at him like that— Not after how blissed out and ferocious he had been groping every inch of Remus only moments ago. “You guys are nice together.”

And it’s like the breath before the worst of storms when his words collapse between them, making the pregnant silence go suddenly suffocating.

“Right,” Sirius intones once Remus levels their gazes, hurriedly standing and collecting his own clothes, fracturing the moment completely. “Right. Whatever, yeah. I’ll go to the fucking dance with fucking Gideon Prewett. That’s good.”

“Sir—“

“No, it’s fine. You can just stay home, and mourn over that douchebag Dearborn some more, even though you ending it with that dick was the best decision you could’ve made, Remus, and I’m not even saying it just because I’m petty. He is a prick, and you need to finally get a clue how much better you deserve, damn it!”

Remus’s head feels like it’s swimming. Why is Sirius so angry all of a sudden? Does he not like Gideon? Why can’t he just cut it off like so many times before? And why the hell is he petty over Caradoc? The entire situation feels like someone’s just handed him a wedge of Swiss cheese and told him to knit it back together. 

“What is up your ass?” He decides is an appropriate enough question for his floundering, and shutters back only slightly at how fuming Sirius looks when he rounds on him— clothes disheveled and fearsome glower heavy on his face. 

“Whatever Remus, if you can’t see that Dearborn is bad news—“

“I’m not pining for Dearborn,” Remus interjects, really doesn’t feel like listening to one of Sirius’s ridiculous diatribes about him, not now. Not when he’s still so bewildered by everything else. “Why would you think that?”

The fire in Sirius’s eyes vanishes as quickly as someone blowing on a candle, and it’s his turn to gawk, gaping at Remus, shoulders dragged down and eyes wide. “Wait— You’re not?”

“No…. I haven’t even thought about him for weeks.”

“Oh.” Sirius looks contemplative for a moment, before the righteous anger that only he could ever wear with such conviction, melts over him once more. “All right, then what the fuck is this?”

Remus stiffens, feels his veins lace with ice, an his breath catch somewhere in his throat, really does not think he’s ready for this conversation. “This?” 

“Yes, Remus, this!” Sirius demands, sounding harsh in comparison to the barely croak Remus had spoken with. “Listen I don’t care if you want me to wait some more, if you need to lick your wounds or whatever. But why are you like pushing me on other people? Why do you want me not to be around? why do you  want me to go out with other dudes?”

Remus lies back on the chest of drawers now, feels beyond dazed. “What the hell are you talking about, Sirius?”

Sirius clenches his teeth right then, the hinge of his jaw going taught 

before he skulks closer, not letting Remus drop his gaze. “Is it me? Is it that you just can’t see me that way? Are you just stringing me along or something? Because I really didn’t think that was your style, but if it’s that, then Remus—“

“Stringing you along?” Remus asks in a voice barely above a whisper, just needs to feel his lips forming the absolutely risible words, even if it makes it so something dark passes across Sirius’s beauteous features.

“Remus, I swear to God! Stop repeating everything I’m fucking saying!”

“Then start making  some damn sense!” Remus snaps, suddenly heated as he straightens and pins him with a proper scowl. “What in holy hell are you going on about?”

“God! Do I have to spell it out!” Sirius barks, cutting the final step dividing them and grabbing for Remus’s shoulders with a tight squeeze. “I know you just wanted to fuck around with someone after Dearborn showed his extreme dickitude, and listen, I was so fucking ecstatic that you wanted me for it. But I can’t do this in-between shit anymore! I’m sorry, but I can’t! And I get if this is annoying, but I’ve been crazy for you for so long. And I just can’t keep myself at an arms length anymore, not now that we’ve really had each other, not after you let me actually touch and taste and fuck you and— Damn it, this isn’t coming out the way I wanted, all right! Damn it, maybe Evans was right and I should’ve made queue cards like some dumb ass— But then James pointed out how unromantic that was, and Marlene said—“

Gently, Remus puts his shaking fingers against Sirius’s lips, effectively killing off anything else he’s about to say. And slowly, everything is beginning to slot into place, and he’s so spiteful over how they’ve been such idiots this entire time— swears to put salt into Lily’s coffee next time he sees her. 

“I didn’t know you actually were into me Sirius.”

Stunned, Sirius’s dark brows hike up to his hairline. “How the hell didn’t you know?” He demands against Remus’s fingers, thunderous and insulted looking.

“Because you never fucking said as much!” Remus defends himself, feels a mangled sort of laughter squirming out. “God, we’re idiots.”

“We’re?” Sirius asks, hesitant and red faced before Remus moves his hand to peck softly against his mouth. 

“I’ve been half in love with you for years you absolute ass-wipe, it’s always been you! You and always you.” Remus tells him breathily, still fighting down the last remnants of his actual, god forsaken giggle— like he’s thirteen again and getting buzzed off his mom’s peach wine coolers. “I only never said anything because I never thought I’d have a chance with someone like you— Someone so— so— Someone so amazing.”

The smile Sirius favors him with right then is something absolutely incandescent, and his eyes shimmer with a very distinct sort of joy that Remus wonders if anyone besides him has ever witnessed. “Then you’re definitely the biggest idiot between us, Lupin.” Sirius declares, knocking their foreheads together, and lacing his hand into Remus’s own before squeezing meaningfully.

“Fuck off,” Remus snorts, presses forwards for another languorous kiss, not feeling in danger of being swallowed whole any more— finally letting himself drown and knowing that Sirius will be there to pull him back up no matter what. 

“Oh, I could get used to this,” Sirius smirks, snakes his arms around Remus’s waste that bit tighter.

“Hmm, there is the problem that I usually don’t put out until at least the third or fourth date,” Remus says mildly.

“Pff, ‘s fine, Lupin,” Sirius insists, grinning beatifically. “I like you being a hussy for me!— Oof, careful with the merchandize, you were speaking some real exaltations about that part of my anatomy not too long ago.”

Moving his knee from the point at hand, Remus sticks out his tongue at him. “See if you ever get any ever again, Sirius Black.”

When Sirius laughs, it sounds like the strike of lightening against unmarked land, and the honey cloaked side of a knife’s edge, and like everything splendid Remus has ever known. And he thinks that yes, he could get used to this right back.

.-

[vivithefolle]

I just wanna ask, and don’t get mad at me cause I’m genuinely curious, how do you stan Ron? Like, I like him, but he is definitely misogynistic (slut shaming Ginny, treating hermione like she owes him something and being mad that she kissed someone years before, always objectifying Fleur, and acting like girls who aren’t pretty aren’t worth much). Like, by DH I feel like he definitely has mostly grown out of it, but still 6/7 books he’s kinda unbearable IMO

how do you stan Ron? 

Like this:

OH MY GOD HAVE YOU SEEN. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM DID YOU SEE MY BABY OH MY GOD. WHEN HARRY’S ARM HAD GONE KABLOOIE BECAUSE OF LOCKHART AND HE. RON. HE WAS. HELPING HIM GET DRESSED???? OH MY GOD BABY???? HHHHNNNNGGGG. AND. AND. AND ALSO WHEN HE. OMG. WHEN HE WAS PUTTING FOOD ON HIS FRIENDS’ PLATES LIKE. MOM FRIEND ALERT MOM FRIEND ALERT MOM FRIEND ALERT. AND THE WAY HE’S ALWAYS BLUSHING AND BEING EMBARRASSED AT THE SLIGHTEST PRAISE BUT ALSO HE’S SO DESPERATELY SEEKING IT BUT HE KNOWS HE CAN’T TAKE IT AND EEK EEK EEK THAT’S SO CUTE SOMEONE HOLD ME IT’S ADORABLE RONALD WEASLEY YOU ARE SO GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME IT’S ILLEGAL TO BE THIS CUTE!!!!

Ok and then.

he is definitely misogynistic 

No. And here’s why.

slut shaming Ginny 

Yes, that was wrong. And guess what, that’s also something he probably - scratch that, definitely - picked up from his mother. And also his brothers, recall how Fred and George too don’t like to see Ginny go around with boys. There’s also something to recall: Ron was there when Ginny was taken into the Chamber of Secrets and learned later that it was because she had trusted an older guy. You seriously wouldn’t be paranoid about who your sister dates after that? It was wrong. Yeah. And he more than learned his lesson when Ginny clapped back by virgin-shaming him and basically told him that he was childish because he hadn’t have a relationship yet. So would that make Ginny sexist too? Or is it just for Ron?

treating hermione like she owes him something 

..................... uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh... when? When the fuck did anything like that happen?

He made a prat of himself at the Yule Ball, that much is obvious. But he didn’t tell her anything like “you should be with me” or didn’t insinuate anything of the sort. He was a jealous bitch but kept attacking Krum, not Hermione.

If you mean in sixth year when he treated her with “icy, sneering indifference” for the course of two weeks, yeah that was bad but that’s not “treating her like she owes him something”, the fuck?

being mad that she kissed someone years before 

Yeah. I know. And that was bad, ooooh you got me to admit Ron did bad stuff, that’s what you want to see, right? And I reckon he was also mad that she hid it from him, and that he had to learn it from his sister of all people. We see Ron handles what he considers betrayals terribly. I have some meta discussing the possibility that he has a form of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

always objectifying Fleur 

Um... no, he doesn’t. He makes a stupid comment about her once in GOF then stops. Let’s also fucking remember that Fleur is a Veela, she literally makes guys stare at her as part of her powers!! I’m not blaming her because she’s literally born that way, but you can’t blame someone who is under magical compulsion either.

acting like girls who aren’t pretty aren’t worth much 

So tell me why he was friends with Hermione then?

Because Hermione wasn’t Emma Watson the super hawt sexy model goddess. Hermione was Mrs Generic. Until this once at the Yule Ball when she got the pretty princess perfect Mary Sue makeover but then stopped because she had to remain ~relatable uwu~.

Again. Ron made stupid sexist comments. But it’s actively shown that he doesn’t follow up on them. If he did indeed live by the motto “girls who aren’t pretty aren’t worth much”, explain to me why he wasn’t simping and drooling all over Padma Patil who is explicitly stated to be one of the prettiest girls at school when she was his date? Why exactly did he ignore her and was a miserable twat the whole evening instead of basking in the joy of having snagging a girl that was “worth it”? Well surprise, it’s because HE ACTUALLY ISN’T LIKE THAT AND WHAT HE SAYS IS MAYBE SHIT HIS “COOL OLDER BROTHERS” SAY AND HE THINKS THAT BY EXTENSION IT WOULD MAKE HIM COOL TO REPEAT IT. MIMETISM, THAT'S BASIC FUCKING HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY FOR FUCKING TODDLERS MY FUCKING GOD.

Like, by DH I feel like he definitely has mostly grown out of it, 

............

...................................

...............................................................

so. so why. so why wouldn’t you. use that. as a reason. to stan him.

like.

fuck all the “hurr durr ron weasley the boy who made it out of the friendzone!!!!” bullshit, let’s start going with “Ron Weasley, the Boy who became a Man, and not one of those 'uugghh im such an alpha male’ ones but one that’s got the balls to say ‘hey love, I’ve got an idea, what if you kept doing that job you love and feel passionate about while I support you and do the majority of the childcare while also working a smaller job on the side so we’re never short on money’“

Why you people gotta be “yeah I like Ron BUTT” when you know full-well this fucking awful fandom will rake him over hot coals over the slightest mistake he does - worse, will actively go out of their way to interpret his positive moments in the most negative way possible??? Fuck off with that bullshit. Ron dared to say bad stuff omygah big deal, he was forgiven for it all and you’re just all cowards looking to feel “pure” by telling yourself “oh yeah but he was problematic once uwu”. FUCK. THAT. NOISE.

but still 6/7 books he’s kinda unbearable IMO 

And IMO he’s not, funny how that works

So.

I guess it’s impossible to stan Ron because he was problematic uwu.

Ok.

Then I hereby decree that it’s impossible to stan Hermione Granger because:

“I’ll bet you wish you hadn’t given up Divination now, don’t you, Hermione?” asked Parvati, smirking. [...] “Not  really,”  said  Hermione  indifferently,  who  was  reading  the  Daily Prophet. “I’ve never really liked horses.” She turned a page of the newspaper, scanning its columns. “He’s not a horse, he’s a centaur!” said Lavender, sounding shocked. “A gorgeous centaur . . .” sighed Parvati. “Either  way,  he’s  still  got  four  legs,”  said  Hermione  coolly.  “Any-way, I thought you two were all upset that Trelawney had gone?” - Order of the Phoenix, ch 27

wow casual use of a racial slur yay!!! A+

And it’s also forbidden to stan Harry Potter either since:

It was raining hard now, and she was nowhere to be seen. He simply did not understand what had happened; half an hour ago they had been getting along fine. “Women!”  he  muttered  angrily,  sloshing  down  the  rain-washed  street with his hands in his pockets. “What did she want to talk about Cedric  for  anyway?  Why  does  she  always want to drag up a subject that makes her act like a human hosepipe?” - Order of the Phoenix, ch 25

and

“Harry! There you are, thank goodness! Hi, Luna!”  “What’s  happened  to  you?”  asked  Harry,  for  Hermione  looked  distinctly  disheveled,  rather  as  though she had just fought her way out of a thicket of Devil’s Snare.  “Oh,  I’ve  just  escaped  —  I  mean,  I’ve  just  left  Cormac,”  she  said.  “Under  the  mistletoe,”  she  added in explanation, as Harry continued to look questioningly at her.  “Serves you right for coming with him,” he told her severely.  “I thought he’d annoy Ron most,” said Hermione dispassionately. “I debated for a while about Zacharias Smith, but I thought, on the whole —”  “You considered Smith?” said Harry, revoked. - Half-Blood Prince

Victim-blaming! Nice Harry, nice. Always classy.

Ok, Ginny stanning is already cancelled because she virgin-shamed Ron, right, so who’s left, who’s left... ah yeah:

“There you go,” said Fred proudly. “Best range of love potions you’ll find anywhere.” - Half-Blood Prince

Selling date rape drugs proudly ouh là là. Bye Fred.

"Do they work?” she asked.  “Certainly they work, for up to twenty-four hours at a time depending on the weight of the boy in question...”  “...and the attractiveness of the girl,” said George, reappearing suddenly at their side. “But we’re not  selling  them  to  our  sister,”  he  added,  becoming  suddenly  stern,  “not  when  she’s  already  got  about five boys on the go from what we’ve...”  “Whatever you’ve heard from Ron is a big fat lie,” said Ginny calmly, leaning forward to take a small pink pot off the shelf.

Assuming that only girls use love potions, and only on boys. Men never rape in JKR’s world, only women do, you heard it from George Weasley here folks, I’m just passing on the message. Ah and I hope you’re also starting the Fred And George Hate Club given how he’s also slut-shaming Ginny.

“What’s this?”  “Guaranteed  ten-second  pimple  vanisher,”  said  Fred.  “Excellent  on  everything  from  boils  to  blackheads,  but  don’t  change  the  subject.  Are  you  or  are  you  not  currently  going  out  with  a  boy  called Dean Thomas?” “Yes, I am,” said Ginny. “And last time I looked, he was definitely one boy, not five. What are those?”  She  was  pointing  at  a  number  of  round  balls  of  fluff  in  shades  of  pink  and  purple,  all  rolling  around the bottom of a cage and emitting high-pitched squeaks.  “Pygmy  Puffs,”  said  George.  “Miniature  puffskeins,  we  can’t  breed  them  fast  enough.  So  what  about Michael Corner?”  “I  dumped  him,  he  was  a  bad  loser,”  said  Ginny,  putting  a  finger  through  the  bars  of  the  cage  and watching the Pygmy Puffs crowd around it. “They’re really cute!”  “They’re  fairly  cuddly,  yes,”  conceded  Fred.  “But  you’re  moving  through  boyfriends  a  bit  fast,  aren’t you?”  Ginny turned to look at him, her hands on her hips. There was such a Mrs. Weasley-ish glare on her face that Harry was surprised Fred didn’t recoil.  “It’s none of your business. And I’ll thank you” she added angrily to Ron, who had just appeared at George’s elbow, laden with merchandise, “not to tell tales about me to these two!”

Ah, good on you for defending yourself, Ginny, but remember, Ginny stanning is prohibited because she’s been problematic in the past and is gonna be problematic in the future and that’s baaaaaaad. Careful kids, don’t get ideas. It’s problematic to like people who’ve done problematic things.

So I guess nobody can like anything or anyone now. Sorry guys. Liking things is evil, what if the thing you liked had, OR USED TO HAVE, *gasp* flaws, can’t take that risk, ohmygah.

[fumingspice]

kiss me hard before you go

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x Reader

Angst because someone (not naming any names) *cough* @lilypadscoven is too happy to write angst. Such a strange excuse, i know. Like whose even happy anymore? That’s so 2014, Freya.

Warning: Angsty as shit! I think. Idk im usually a happy person. Mentions of cheating, mentions of smut etc. 

Requests are open!

taglist: @sarahp-stan @jumpoffabridge-t @sarahpaulsonsoftie @definitelynot-a-writer @bottom4delia @delias-bitch-craft @creepingwolfberry @thesapphictimelady @goodeday2u @that-fucking-error @saucy-sapphic @sarahp-stan @winters-witch-bitch @rainbow-hedgehog @pearplate​

You frowned to yourself, flicking through the endless posts on Instagram. It was some godforsaken hour in the morning and no matter how hard you tried or how deeply you tried to ease your restless mind you could not fall asleep. You scrolled on social media endlessly. 

God, what time could it even be? 04.27.

You gave a defeated chuckle. Even time was in on the universe’s cruel joke. She exited Instagram and went to messages. You couldn’t count the number of unsent messages and thrown out speeches you had started and couldn’t bring yourself to finish.

Billie Dean Howard.

The contact had found itself hidden deep in the archives of old messages. You hadn’t contacted her since December when you had walked away. 

Walking away was better that being the one left behind, or so you had tried so hard to tell yourself. In hindsight, the truth was that Billie Dean was going to end up leaving you anyway. Was it courage of conviction or just the simple knowledge that you couldn’t live knowing that the only person you had ever opened your heart to was going to leave you?

What was the last thing she said anyway?

Goodnight :(.

Always with those stupid text faces. Those stupid, adorable text faces. How did she have such a powerful effect on you that you could see Billie’s face in a colon and a bracket? Why hadn’t you blocked her yet? What was left to hold onto other than movie-like memories that had slipped away like the changing of seasons.

You slipped from beneath the covers, Your hair tickled Your shoulders. There was no one beside you for you to reach for in your infinite loneliness anyway. It wasn’t infinite. Why did it feel infinite? Why did you allow one person to waltz into your heart and make you home there? You reached for an unopened bottle of wine and paused. Billie had left this bottle there. You never drank unless it was around Billie. 

“Dom Perignon,” Billie told you. You were never interested in the details of fine wine. All you knew was that the older it was the more people liked it.

“Isn’t that expensive?” The brunette asked, reading the label.

 Billie nodded with a throaty chuckle. “Only the best for my girl. I thought I would save it for a special occasion.”

A special occasion. You chuckled in spite. The occasion in question was supposed Billie’s birthday. A party with many guests. One too many. The house was brimming with sets of both of your friends. You could recall reaching for the same wine all too well before being stopped by your friend’s girlfriend. Erin took you by the wrist and guided you out to the garden. 

“No one’s out here,” you protested. Erin’s face was almost forlorn. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

Sorry for what? You snapped out of your confusion. You could see the side of Billie’s body. Pressed against the wall beneath someone else. The anxiety had somehow eased when you watched Billie kiss another, fading into nothing because you knew that there was quite literally nothing that could get even worse than what you were watching.

You pursed her lips. When you imagined these moments, you had always imagined screaming bloody murder. You imagined punching and yelling. You couldn’t move. No tears. Hell, you couldn’t even feel. Erin grabbed your arm and trailed you back, but not before the sight of you, heartbroken in a red dress. had registered in Billie. She barely had time to pull away from her kiss and have the shock of what she was actually doing register. 

It was always a red dress. Red dresses end up in heartbreak. A goddamn blaze in the dark.

Now, you found yourself standing at the window that looked out into the garden. Looking at the spot where you had seen her lover betray every bit of trust that you had. What would have happened if you didn’t see? What if you had seen but Billie didn’t? Would you have said anything? Would Billie have said anything?

It doesn’t matter anyway.

Billie was wine. Aromatic, warm in her stomach. She was a magnificent swirl. She was the impossible to hide stain on your favourite white dress.

Every inch of this house had Billie in its essence. She was inescapable. 

It got even worse when a buzzing noise brought your attention to your phone. “Who the fuck could that be?” you asked yourself. Your heart dropped at the contact.

Billie Dean Howard is calling...

Your world collapsed for a moment as you stared at the phone buzz. Your head told you not to answer, your heart launched for it like a desert oasis. You let it ring a moment too long. You barely managed to blurt out a cracked, “Hello?” when Billie hung up. Presumably giving up.

You bit your lip. Your thumb hovered over the redial button as you fought with yourself. Maybe she’ll call again. That’s a huge maybe. Your finger jolted down unintentionally. Billie picked up on the third ring.

“Y/N?” Her breath hitched. “Y/N, can you hear me?”

You swallowed hard. “I’m here,” you stated flatly, “I can hear you.”

“I didn’t think you’d answer.”

“Honestly,” you replied. You felt no need for warmth. “I don’t think I meant to.”

“Oh. Uhm, how- how are you?”

“What do you want, Billie? It’s five in the morning,” You cut off. You could hear Billie’s breath falter a little.

“To be honest, I just wanted to see if you would pick up.”

You shook your head, cursing how well you knew the medium. “Don’t lie to me, Howard.”

Billie chuckled. “How can you tell?”

“You were the medium, but I was the human lie detector.”

“You’re a lawyer with an Irish mother and Scilian father. It would be more shocking if you weren’t one.”

You smiled, before catching yourself in an eyeroll. “Don’t change the subject.”

“I’m in town. I wanted to see you.”

“It’s five in the fucking morning.”

“You’re telling me that I actually woke you up? You were sleeping when I called?”

You bit your lip. “Yes.”

Billie chuckled again. Like it was a fucking game to her. “Well, now who’s lying?”

“What do you want, Billie?” You scoffed.

“I already told you. I want to see you.”

The audacity of the last sentence. The fact that you knew Billie Dean would come whether or not she was invited boiled your blood.

“Why.” It was more of a flat remark than a genuine question. Why. Why now.

Billie was silent for a moment. “I just want to see your face.”

Your groaned internally, another eyeroll coming into play. You scoffed. “You know the address. Find your own way over.”

And she did. The door knocked almost immediately.

You opened the door so quickly that it creaked aggressively.

“You have some fucking nerve. You know that right?” You snapped. The medium’s eyes widened in shock.

“Nice to see you too.”

You stepped aside and ushered her in, cold from the whipping air. Refreshing if you weren’t standing in shorts and a cardigan.

Billie turned around to face her. Tension grew, like insulation keeping everything in. You could choke on all the words you never said. 

“You look beautiful.”

“Je vais te tuer avec mes mains nues et dormir comme un bébé après.”

“I’m flattered.”

You groaned and walked away from her and into the kitchen. You didn’t know if you would slap her, kill her, or kiss her. You were just as prepared to strangle her as you were to fuck her hard on the kitchen floor then and there, kissing every single freckle and mole on her skin. “You have three minutes,” You muttered, pouring yourself a cup of coffee to stop yourself from looking in Billie’s direction. Your heart raced at a thousand miles a second.

“I just dropped in to say hi.”

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

You were unamused. “Is that it? Are you going get out of my life again?”

Billie frowned. “Am I? Y/N, you left me.”

“Because you fucking cheated on me, Billie Dean! What? Did you want me to pretend I didn’t see it? Pretend nothing happened? Do you want me to pretend that you didn’t rebuild my ability to trust people just so you could knock it down yourself?” You shouted. The words were coming out thick and fast now apparently.

“I was so drunk, Y/N,” Billie whimpered, her eyebrows furrowed. She was in genuine pain, you could see the guilt right in her brown eyes.

And you couldn’t give a shit.

“I’ve heard this a hundred times.”

“How many times do I have to say sorry for this?”

You raised your mug to your lips. “You can say it until I’m dead.”

You met the medium’s gaze. Brown eyes waterlogged with tears. Billie dipped her face in her hands. “I don’t know if I can go through with this again.”

You snapped again. “Good,” you said. “Because I’m done.”

“You can’t be serious.”

The pair met, closer than you had in months.

“No matter what stupid, thoughtless, selfish, idiotic, drunken things you said or did. No matter how many times. I have never stopped loving you. I’ve never fallen out of love no matter how many times I told myself I had. I haven’t gone to sleep without imaging your goddamn mouth on my lips and hands on my body and I fucking crave to hate you for it,” you spat, venom on you tongue and tears spilled down your face. “I don’t sleep, Billie. I don’t sleep because I know your arms aren’t there to hold me when I’m still awake at four in the morning. Because I can’t reach across the bed no matter how angry I am at you and feel your hair. I fucking love you goddammit. You threw that away. Not me.”

 Tears streamed down Billie’s face. “I regret what I did every. Single. Fucking. Day. I miss coming home and seeing you writing those stupid fucking reports that I know you hate writing because I know you hate your job. I miss seeing your face when you’ve won a case that has been scratching you for weeks,” she inched forward once more, her hands close to Mallorie’s face. “I miss seeing you reorganising the goddamn silverware every few weeks to keep the Fair Folk happy in the same way I miss seeing the way your mouth curls when you come.”

 You scanned Billie Dean, searching despreately for a bluff, something that would give way to the fact that this was all a lie; a gimmick for a one night stand so that you could just shut her out and go back to hating her. Hating the person you love is so much easier than having your heartbroken again. You couldn’t find that bluff. Even your gut-instinct that panged you when someone lied to you wasn’t alerting anything. Billie’s words were as genuine as her tears and it was killing you to see that Billie loved you. The lawyer had hoped- prayed even- that the medium’s words had been bullshit, sweet nothings that could be whispered into the ear of any lover that had fallen into her bed. But you weren’t just a one time fling that had walked into a casual meet. You had walked into her long-term girlfriend with her tongue down another’s throat. You had stashed that little red box with a diamond engagement ring inside even further into the closet that night, and that’s what had hurt you.

A raw truth in her words soaked into you. Refreshed you. They were the words that the ocean screamed back at you when you stood on the cliffside begging for a reason to go on.

And so you gave in. Almost, at least. You stepped forward into Billie and allowed her storm to engulf you. There was no calm here. There was a raging appetite for destruction and creation. What was that lyric? A tornado has met a volcano. Her lips ravaged yours to the point of being rubbed raw, the type of sting that bothered virtually every moment of your waking day, one that went on for days. You bit down on her lips, her tongue, her chin and cheek. Whether in was in spite or the desperation to seek and find every single piece of her that you could was unclear. 

Those fateful memories crept back, and you pushed hard against her chest. Billie’s lips, now red, white and swollen, pressed against yours again, retracting when there was no return.

“I’m sorry,” you lied. “I think there’s a possibility that I don’t love you.”

Billie’s eyes resembled a broken mirror, or maybe the view of a dying star. The thing about dying stars is that they died a very long time ago and you only notice years later. She nodded with a weak smile. “I understand,” she whispered, pressing her head against yours. She picked up her bag and turned to leave.

You stopped her. What on Earth were you doing? Let her leave so you can hate her in peace.

“Kiss me. Before you go,” you pleaded. “Hard.”

Billie shook her head, her face scrunched before throwing her face at you. The force drove you into the counter sending a glorious shock of pain up your back. Billie was doing what you had asked.

“Fuck you,” you pulled away and muttered, as if she had gonr too far in teasing you.

“What did I do?”

You raised your hand and slapped her face, lightly. “Fuck you for proving that I still love you.”

A rush of relief knocked Billie, visibly. She returned to your lips, much more gently this time, as if she were savouring every part of you.

“I told you to kiss me hard,” you whispered, although not necessarily opposed to Billie’s touch.

“I’ll do anything you really want,” she replied.

You paused for a moment. “Anything?”

Billie smiled. “Anything.”

You kissed her once. Soft. Tentatively. “Fuck me. On the table.” 

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here).  The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion.  Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies -  “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point.  Sigh.  Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever. 

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY!  But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices?  What is that sexual gaze?  

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell.  They need the other 1/2.  Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered.  I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember?  But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression.  Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie.  Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone.  Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab.  Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point.  We are introduced to two one off characters named 

Smash (human/female presenting) -  can crack any safe built by man 

and Grab (demon/male presenting)-  expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).  

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah.  Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality.  Human/Demon.  Femininity/Masculinity.  Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it.  I’m not even going there here.  I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked.  90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID.  They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)  

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps.  Something stereotypically associated with masculinity.  Not feminine.  Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female.  But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda.  They are The Same.  She shares the soda with Dean.  HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing - 

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH 

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode - 

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay. 

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders.  Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn.  Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push.  I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push.  A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ -  she   gives   him   a     p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would. 

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.]  BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop! 

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ] 

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice.  The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push.  And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked.  The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality.  Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice.  He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different.  Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push.  That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it. 

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley.  It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk​ and @deanwasalwaysbi​ for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void​ because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

[perhapsthanatos]

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[daydreamingintheimpalax]

Little Beginnings

Dean X Reader

Warnings: Mentions of cheating, mentions of pregnancy, possible swearing. 

A/N: Just a little something i wanted to write. Dean’s 40, Reader is 28. 

                                           ************************

You were fucking late, again. Dean was an amazing boss, and an even better friend, but just because he was a super sweet guy, didn’t mean he was going to keep letting you get away with being late. To be fair, you were about 6 months pregnant, and it did cause for a lot of doctors appointments, which Dean had driven you to a few times when Andy was too busy at work. 

Your fiance Andy and you had been engaged for the last year, deciding you were going to wait a while before getting married, Andy was up for a possible big promotion at his design company and he wanted to focus on his work, which you more than understood, so the couple times he’d failed to be there for some of the milestone appointments, you relied on the bus, making you late, opting Dean to offer to drive you so the other staff members would stop harrassing him about special treatment. I mean, you were pregnant, and it wasn’t your fault the appointments ran longer than usual and you’d missed the bus one too many times. 

The bell above the auto shop jingled, signaling that you were finally at work, you were out of breath, stopping slightly to hold your belly. “I’m here, i’m here, i’m so sorry, it was suppsed to be a simple scan and then she thought she saw something and wanted to do a more extensive exam, and i promise next time i’ll just have her reschedule for my day off.” You gasped, out of breath from running all the way from the bus stop, all the extra weight making it harder to move fast. 

Dean waved his hand dismissively, you could see he was sort of lost, trying to work the register, Dean wasn’t good at the front end work, he was however the best mechanic in town, so he handled the cars and you handled the cash. 

“Hey, don’t worry about it, not your fault, if the doctor said you needed it then she must have been worried,” he finally stops and looks at you concerned, “Everything okay? are you and the baby okay?” He asks and you smile widely. 

“SHE and i are just fine, she was just being squirmy.” You jump a little in place, finally having found out the sex. Dean’s eyes widen and a pure look of excitement and joy crosses his face.

“No way? It’s a girl?” He asks and you nod, squealing. Dean lets out a laugh and makes his way over, pulling you into him, not caring that he’s in his greasy work coveralls. “Congratulations, sweetheart!!” He speaks, placing a small kiss to your head. 

He smells like car oil, a little musk from all the sweating from working in the extreme heat and the lingering scent of his aftershave and bodywash. It comforts you, you take a breath, taking in the smell, the familiar smell, Dean has always welcomed you with open arms, making you feel perfectly at home in his auto shop for the last 4 years. He had made you feel loved and valued when your own parents basically banished you for being pregnant before being married. If they had their way, you would’ve been married years ago, they had their opinions and beleifs and you didn’t follow them, and because of it, they hadn’t spoken to you since you told them the news. 

“Have you told Andy yet?” He smiles, you shake your head, moving around him to show him how to open the cash. “Not yet, we’re suppsed to have dinner tonight, i was going to tell him then.” You smile, hardly containing your excitement. You open the register and Dean let’s out a small ‘yes’ before squishing your face, “What am i going to do without you while you’re gone.” He speaks and pinches your nose. You shove his hand away.

“You’ll be fine, plus if you need anything, call. No questions asked, just call.” You smile widely and he returns it. 

The rest of your shift goes smoothly, you count the register at the end of the day, Dean cleans up and changes, grease still on him but for the most part he got it off, he waits for you and like a true well raised gentleman, he drives you home, not wanting you to walk or take the bus alone at night. 

                                  ************************************

When you walk into your apartment, you don’t see Andy on the couch watching tv like he usually is, you assume maybe hes making dinner, since you are home much earlier than expected, the shop hadn’t been overly busy and Dean was so good with cars he had finished all his jobs for the day early.

You hang your coat up and walk into the kitchen, expecting to see Andy cooking, instead, your greeted with silence, with two almost empty plates on your kitchen table, but the part that makes your heart sink into your stomach is the two wine glasses, one, which has a very clear lipstick mark on it. 

A bang comes from your bedroom upstairs, the fire in you already ready to explode. You make your way upstairs, and before you realize it, your swinging your bedroom door open, a woman is sprawled on your bed, her ass in the air as your fiance drills her from behind, his one hand gripping her hair as the other rests on the headboard, she lets out a scream and he swears under his breath. Finally able to speak you clear your throat. 

“Are you fucking kidding me!” You yell and Andy freezes, the girl letting out a whine before she finally peels her head from your pillow. Your fucking god damn pillow. 

“Oh my god, who is that.” She squeals before yaking herself off the bed and away from him, holding your blanket to cover herself up. 

“I’m his fiance, his pregnant fiance. Who the fuck are you!” you scream, livid. 

Andy is up, blanket around his waist before he’s walking towards you. “Baby, this isn’t- i uh- i can explain.” He stumbles over his words, not knowing what to do or say.

You glare at him, “How long?” you ask, he shakes his head confused. “How long have you been fucking her? and don’t you dare fucking lie to me right now Andy!” You scream and he flinches, not used to your high vocals right now. 

He sighs, “Since you told me about the pregnancy.” He admits, running a hand through his hair, “Listen, i need to explain, i just, i needed a break, everything with the pregnancy has been too much to handle and im stressed with work, now the pregnany, i just, i needed to get away from it all.” He speaks and soon enough you’re in his face. 

“What are you sick of Andy? The fact you have barely been home since i told you about it? or the fact you haven’t been to one single appointment? Not the first time we got to see it, not the first time we got to hear the heartbeat, and now, you couldn’t be bothered to come find out the sex with me, it’s a girl, FYI, you havent been around for any of it. So what exactly are you sick of? you’re a worthless piece of shit, and i never want to see you again. Go fuck yourself.” You finish it off with a slap to his face, the contact is so loud, even the girl behind him flinches. 

She gives you a small smile when you make eye contact. “I’m really sorry, i didn’t know, he never mentioned you or the baby, if i had known...” she pauses, obvious guilt in her face. You shrug, “I know, do yourself a favour, find a better man to give yourself to, trust me, this one isn’t worth it.” You tell her, she swallows before grabbing her clothes and leaving the room, but not before glaring at Andy herself, “Don’t ever call me again.” She spits at him and he flinches, he tries to get close to you and you back away, skaking your head. 

“No, i’m leaving.” You spit out and he frowns, a little angry. “Where are you going? You’re pregnant and you know damn well your parents won’t take you back in.” He says it with a tone, almost like he’s proud to know that’s true, without them, you have nowhere to go. 

“I’ll figure something out, i haven’t needed you for the last 6 months, and obviously i still don’t.” You state, grabbing the prepared hospital bag you had done two months ago, for the most part it had enough stuff in it to get you by for a few days and you’d eventually come back for the rest of your stuff, preferably when Andy was away at work.

You storm out, getting into the car you had spent years saving to get, you had bought it on your own, but had decided since Andy made more money that he needed it more. As you drive away, you can hear Andy shouting, you roll down your window and catch the ending. 

“You stupid bitch, how the fuck am i supposed to get to work!” He shouts, you laugh, “Take a bus, asshole. I paid for the car!” Before you’re peeling out of what is no longer your drive way.

                                               ****************************

Dean’s surprised when he hears his phone ring, he isn’t expecting any calls, usually Sam is the only one who calls him, to be honest, he’s pretty much lonely most of the time. 

 Sammy tries to call each week, but he’s usually busy with work or the kids so usually Dean’s alone. Some days he wishes he had done what Sam did, settle down with a nice girl, have some babies, but most of the women he had dated just wanted the idea of a hardworking attractive man by their side, when it came down to it, they backed off when they realized he’d wanted more. it worked out for the best, none of the women in his life had ever truly been longterm material, sometimes he regretted having too much fun and not enough substance, airheads only stayed interesting for so long. 

It’s 8:30 pm and he had just finished making one of his best pasta dishes if he does say so himself. He was about to dig in and turn on some criminal minds when his phone had gone off, he stares at it, not recognizing the number. 

“Hello?” He speaks and a feminine voice is heard, “Hi, may i please speak to Mr. Dean Winchester?” She asks and he clears his throat, “Uh, speaking, who is this?” he raises a brow and his heart sinks slightly when he hears her speak. 

“Hi Mr. Winchester, my name is Sadie and i am calling on behalf of Miss Y/N Y/L/N, i’m a nurse at memorial hospital and Y/N was in a small car accident earlier and she had you listed as her second  emergency contact, she refused to allow me to call her first contact.” She speaks, Dean’s barely listened, he interupts her, completely worried why he’s being called.

“What? Where is Y/n, is she okay? is the baby okay? what happened?” He talks a mile a minute before the nurse calms him down. 

“She and the baby are fine, she is however a little shaken up, can we ask that you come down here, maybe take her home, she refuses anymore help insisting she’s fine and she wont let us call her fiance.” The nurse sighs and Dean agrees. 

He reaches the hospital in 15 minutes, rushing through the place to find y/n. Eventually he finds the nurse that called and he’s led straight to the room you’re in, you’re sitting in the bed, hands on your belly, moving them around and smiling when you feel your baby move. He let’s out a relieved sigh to see you’re okay, and thankfully, still pregnant. 

“Y/N?” He speaks and your head shoots up, you let out a soft smile, he can tell you’ve been crying. “Hey Dee, glad to see you own something other than flannel and ripped jeans.” You smirk, he looks down at his sweat pants and hoddie, smiling to himself before letting out a small chuckle. 

“Theyre my comfy clothes, shut up.” He teases and you giggle. He moves closer, sitting on your bed near you. “You wanna tell me what the hell happened, sweetheart?” He asks and you look down, focused on your hands on your belly, biting the inside of your cheek. 

“After you drove me home, i walked in on Andy fucking some girl in doggy on our bed, i was furious and yelled at him before slapping him and leaving, i grabbed my to go bag and didn’t even care if it wasn’t enough and left, i took my car and just drove off, i didn’t really know where to go and i started crying because Andy was right about my parents probably not wanting me back, so i cried harder and i guess i couldn’t see clearly and went off road. It wasn’t bad, but i sorta put some dents and bumps in it, a jogger found me and insisted i go to a hospital and called the abulance.” You shrugged. 

Dean scoffed, “Are you fucking serious, the nerve of that jackass, i swear if i ever see him i’m gonn-” You cut him off. “Dee, it’s not worth it, i’m mostly just mad at myself for not seeing it, the missed appointments, the constant late nights, he didn’t want this, the marriage, the pregnancy, he wasn’t ready, i should’ve figured it out, i should’ve seen it.” You shrug softly, wiping a tear from your eye.

Dean sighs, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “Hey, listen to me, this isn’t your fault, you didn’t force him to have sex with you, and you sure as hell didn’t get pregnant on purpose, if he didn’t want a kid, he should’ve kept his shit wrapped. He’s the asshole in this situation, not you. As for where to go, you should’ve called me, you know i always have your back. You’re staying with me,” you’re about to interupt him but he shuts you up with a hand, “No, no talking, and i’m not leaving you alone, you’re moving in with me and that’s final.” You huff and pout, making him roll his eyes. 

“Don’t try to cute your way outta this, and don’t be stubborn, i got plenty of space not being used, i could use the company.” You huff, “Fine, but at least let me pitch in for rent..” He cuts you off, “No. I’m not charging you, save your money for the baby stuff your gonna need, just help me keep my fridge stocked and we’ll call it even, i’m a bad grocery shopper.” He smiles, you roll your eyes but agree. 

                                        *****************************

“Hey dee?” You speak as he drives you back to his place, “Yeah?” he hums as he fiddles with the radio before landing on a station. You look over at him and smile. 

“Why can’t all the guys in the world be more like you?” You smile softly and he chuckles, “That wouldn’t make me one of a kind now would it darlin,” he shoots you a wink and you laugh, shaking your head. 

“No seriously though, thank you, for everything, the job, the constant rides, always making sure im eating, getting my vitamins and water intake, always keeping your mini fridge in your office stocked with snacks, you’re literally amazing, and i don’t think i could’ve handled this whole siatuation well if it wasn’t for you. At this point, you’ve done more for me and this little girl than her father has, i need you to know how much i appreciate you.” You reach over, grabbing his hand and he looks over and smiles.

“I know y/n, don’t you worry about it. Besides, one of you already has me wrapped around her finger, what’s one more? Hmm?” He smirks, laughing at your shocked face. You shake your head at him, smiling as parks the car in his driveway. You both get out of the car, but before Dean can walk to his door, you pull him back towards you.

He’s surprised at first then melts into the kiss, wrapping his arms around your slightly big middle, he chuckles and pulls away when he feels movement in your belly. You laugh softly, “I think she likes you, she’s all excited.” You smile, letting him place his hand on your belly, feeling all the movement going on. 

He smiles gently, “yeah well, i like her too, i really REALLY like her mom though.” He states, leaning in to kiss you yet again. 

                                     ********************************

Tags: @akshi8278

[ssamie]

six. she likes someone else, idiot.

oikawa tooru x fem langa!reader

(hq x sk8 the infinity)

warnings: spelling mistakes, swearing, 2k+ words, u have langa’s blue hair sorry 

gen masterlist.            “snow” masterlist.

"as promised, here we are" oikawa greeted her as she opened the door to reveal him and iwaizumi. "good morning " she greeted them with a bubbly smile "hey" iwaizumi nodded at her. 

"oh, you're not skating today, y/n-chan?" oikawa hummed "well, i don't want to accidentally leave you behind again" she said as she closed the door behind her. oikawa sweat dropped and nodded along "how thoughtful" he chuckled 

"here's your coffee, oikawa-san" she had a determined look on her face as she hands him the beverage in a disposable cup

"oh... yes.. my coffee" oikawa deeply inhaled a breath of air and took it from her. "thank you, y/n-chan. i didnt think you were serious about it, though" oikawa laughed as he took a sip of the coffee 

"oh, well i thought you'd be bummed if i forgot a promise" she said 

as soon as she looked away, oikawa gagged and shuddered, making iwaizumi sweat drop and look at him in concern. "dude what the hell?" iwaizumi deadpanned 

as y/n looked back at them, oikawa's dread filled expression quickly changed into one of delight as he happily chugged down the drink 

"haha, i was just amazed at this coffee!" oikawa exclaimed with a grin "and y/n-chan made it so its extra special!" 

"oh, that's great!" y/n cheered as oikawa gave her a thumbs up paired with a wink "im glad you like it" 

"yup! looking forward to the next one tomorrow" oikawa chuckled 

iwaizumi watched the whole thing go down with a look of bewilderment. he was just about done with these two and their shenanigans. "dude.." iwaizumi muttered as he watched oikawa gulp the whole thing down "why're you doing this.."

oikawa turned to him with a grin and clocked his head to the side "what do you mean, iwa-chan?" he asked "i told you, y/n-chan made it so its extra special!" oikawa said with a laugh as he threw the cup away at a random trash can

iwaizumi's eyes widened as he watched his friend jog over to the girl and happily start up a conversation 

"jesus christ.." iwaizumi sighed "i don't know if him being like this is a good thing or not.." 

now, its no secret that y/n was attractive. her features were head turning. and her eyes alone could bring a grown man to their knees. she was quite captivating, to say the least. 

so it shouldn't come as a surprise if boys and girls start flocking around her for the same purpose. 

to have her as their girlfriend. what else? 

"hey, hasegawa-chan" a boy greeted her as she exited the classroom. "oh. hello.." she replied with a hint of confusion 

"are you free today? if you want, i would love to treat you to some snacks after school" the boy said with a nervous chuckle. "oh, thank you but.. i have club duties after school." she said "maybe some other time" 

she then walked away from the boy, absolutely clueless to the fact the she was just asked out on a date. 

from inside the room, oikawa watched the whole thing go down with a look of distaste. "hey, hey, iwa-chan!" he slapped iwaizumi's arm. "that boy just flirted with y/n-chan, look!" 

iwaizumi spared him a glance before looking back down at his comic. "i know, shittykawa." he sighed "its no big deal anyways. she declined, didn't she?" he said 

"it doesn't matter! people are trying to steal her before i could even exit the friend zone!" oikawa exclaimed "actually, im not sure if im even in the friend zone yet!" he pulled at his hair in distress 

"i told her we'd be best friends in the future but that means we're not right now, right?!" 

"you're thinking too much, shittykawa" iwaizumi sighed as he pushed him off his desk, since he was hitting his head repeatedly against the wood 

"im gonna follow her and shoo the boys away" oikawa perked up with a determined look on his face. "dont do that" iwaizumi grunted in annoyance. "and you look stupid. your forehead has a red spot now, dumbass" 

"actually, what if i ask her out before they do?" oikawa hummed thoughtfully to himself. 

"you did that already. didn't she say she has the 'boyfriend spot' reserved for someone?" iwaizumi raised a brow 

"whatever im gonna follow her" oikawa waved him off. "dont do that-- and he's gone." iwaizumi merely sighed as he watched oikawa rush out of the door 

"now.. who is that ugly guy?" oikawa muttered to himself as he watched a boy flusteredly hand y/n a letter 

"h-hasegawa-san..this is for you!" the boy exclaimed as he handed her the letter without making any eye contact. "oh.. its a letter" she muttered as she went to open it 

"no! uh- read it later when you're alone.." the boy stammered out "it's a bit embarrassing for me" he said. "oh, okay then" y/n simply nodded and put it in her pocket. "goodbye" she said as she walked away 

"right! bye, hasegawa-san!" the boy nervously waved 

oikawa sweat dropped as the boy looked at her with a lovesick grin even though she just straight up ignored him and walked off. well it's not like he has room to say anything. he's the exact same, if not, maybe even worse. 

"tch. hey" oikawa called out to the boy. 

"me..?" the boy muttered in confusion as he pointed to himself. "yeah you" oikawa raised a brow as he judgingly looked him up and down "why'd you give y/n-chan a letter?" he scowled 

"oh well i -" before the boy could finish oikawa laughed at him in a mocking way. "yeah yeah, save your voice. it's not like i'll listen to you anyways" he said with his usual charismatic smile 

"but don't do that again, okay~" oikawa cooed "y/n-chan doesn't need a boy toy like you! but maybe try with another girl!" he suggested 

he patted the boy's shoulder and waved him goodbye "good luck~" he cooed. the boy watched oikawa walk off with a look of dread and confusion. "what the hell, man?" the boy muttered 

"now, where is she-- another one?!" oikawa groaned to himself as he watched y/n receive another gift 

except this time, it was a from a girl in the first year who was shakingly handing her a bento with a cutesy note "hasegawa-senpai..! um- this is for you" the girl said as she shyly presented her the neatly wrapped lunch box 

"i made it myself, i hope you like it!" she said with a bow before hastily running off with an alarmingly red face. "..?" y/n cocked her head to the side as she waved the girl goodbye "thank you..?" she muttered 

she opened the bento slightly and gasped in awe at the food 

"no! don't be swayed by the food, y/n-chan!" oikawa silently screamed to himself "its a trick!" 

y/n then closed it and continued to walk away.

"yes! she wasn't swayed by the food. that was close" oikawa let out a sigh if relief as he placed his hand over his pounding chest. "maybe i should cook her food from now on" he muttered as he took a mental note for future use. 

"now--" before he could move another inch, he was suddenly crowded by girls that came out of nowhere. literally. 

"oikawa-senpai!" "oikawa-senpai, we made you a bento!" "oikawa-san i made you cookies, see?" "oikawa-san let's hang out!" 

"ah, hey there girls~" he cooed at them. as much as he wanted to leave them, he couldn't just ignore his fan girls. as annoying as they were, they were still his supporters after all. 

"oikawa-san, are you practicing later? can we watch?" "we'll bring you snacks during practice!" "i'll cheer for you, oikawa-senpai!" 

it had been roughly five minutes since the girls arrived. and it had also been five minutes since he's lost sight of y/n. oikawa was starting to get antsy. his sole purpose was to shoo her admirers away and yet he was being bombarded by his own. 

suddenly, the blue hue which he seemed to grow so fond of caught his eye. he turned to look at her, walking so casually while she frowns down at a piece of paper in her hands 

"y/n! -" sadly his voice was drowned out by the shouts and squeals of the girls, although the noise still got her attention 

y/n looked up to see the brunette waving at her with a girl latched onto his other arm. and being the clueless one that she is, she simply waved back with a smile before walking away 

"that might be the girl he liked.." she muttered with a hum. "he mentioned it at the park that night.." 

"ack! she wasn't jealous at all!" oikawa spluttered with a gasp 

"oikawa-san what are you talking about?" "do you like someone?" "what?! oikawa-senpai, you like someone?!" 

oikawa waved them off and hastily ran after the blue haired girl. "y/n-chan!" oikawa exclaimed as he slammed their classroom door open 

y/n, along with the rest of the class looked over to him in confusion. ".. yes?" y/n replied "ah sorry" he sent the class a peace sign before rushing over to her side 

"i was gonna ask --did  anything interesting happen just now?" he mused with a huff "did ya maybe get something from someone..?" 

oikawa, bless his heart, was trying to be as discreet as he possibly could. though it's not like he has to try since she was probably as dumb as a rock when it comes to shit like this. 

"oh.. i got a letter and a gift" she said as she shuffled through her bag for the said things 

oikawa dramatically cried in his mind as he looked away from her. "she has no shame! so she really doesn't care about my feelings!" he muttered to himself in distress 

"its this." she said 

oikawa reluctantly faced her with a furrowed brows and quivering lips, ready to throw the love letter and bento away. that is, until he actually saw what the 'letter' and 'gift' was. 

"uh what is this?" oikawa sweat dropped as he pointed to the pair of school shoes and a note from the dean. 

y/n sulked as she reluctantly started removing her converse. "i got in trouble today" she said "apparently, im not allowed to wear these" she said as she stuffed her shoes in her bag and slipped the school shoes on 

"well yeah, everyone knows that" iwaizumi sweat dropped. "then how am i gonna skate?" she faced them with exaggeratedly teary eyes as she uncomfortably moved her feet about 

"guess you're gonna have to make do with that" iwaizumi comforted her 

"is that all you got?" oikawa asked again 

"oh. i actually got a love letter and a bento. but that's about it" she casually replied 

oikawa gave her a painfilled smile and a thumbs up. "ah. i see." he grimly replied. "well.. aren't ya gonna give them a response?" oikawa asked followed by a strained laugh 

"i can't.." she mumbled with slight embarrassment 

"why not?" iwaizumi asked 

"i can't read it.." she admitted, her face gradually getting hotter and hotter from shame 

"what?" 

"i can't read it!" she covered her face with her hands "japanese is still hard for me! i can only understand certain parts!" 

"and i also ate the bento because i was tempted!" she confessed 

oikawa and iwaizumi sweat dropped and nodded along. "i see.." oikawa laughed 

"well it's no problem" he said. "you can choose not to respond. you're not really obligated to, anyways." 

"really? that's great!" she perked up. "i didn't know what to do anyway" she chuckled "i could only understand parts of the letter cus i wrote it for reki!" she said 

"im glad im not stuck in that pinch anymore.." she sighed in relief "im not used to people liking me.." 

iwaizumi watched as oikawa's face visibly fell at the mention of the redhead's name. his already pained smile quickly turned into a frown. 

"y/n-chan! can you come here for a sec?" one student called for her "oh sure." y/n replied before quickly making her way to them 

oikawa pouted and trudged over to his seat, plopping himself down on the chair and resting his head on the desk with a huff 

"so, what'll you do now?" iwaizumi asked as he glanced at his friend "dunno" oikawa replied 

"hey iwa-chan. am i ugly?" he asked. "i was gonna say yes but that'll be too mean at the moment. so no, shittykawa. you're not." iwaizumi replied with a sigh as he put his comic away 

"is that reki guy hotter than me?" he asked again. "i dunno, dude" iwaizumi shrugged "i mean, probably." 

"do ya think i have a chance? i mean, i always get with girls so easily!" oikawa huffed. iwaizumi rolled his eyes and hit him on the head with his fist. "wanna know why you don't got a chance, shittykawa?" he said 

"ouch -- yeah sure, enlighten me, iwa-chan" oikawa replied with a wince 

"its cus she likes someone else, idiot." 

oikawa rolled his eyes and rested his chin on his hand, watching y/n converse with another student from across the room 

"just how amazing is this reki guy anyway?" 

"I HAVE 40, 000 YEN AND A SKATEBOARD!" reki exclaimed as he slammed the money and the board down before cherry "IS THIS ENOUGH TO VISIT Y/N, CHERRY?!" he asked with an excited smile 

"for a plane ticket!" reki replied "do ya think if i sell this skateboard i'd get at least a thousand yen?" he asked 

cherry sweat dropped and pushed the things away. "what is this for?" he asked with furrowed brows 

cherry watched the boy fuss with a smile of amusement, chuckling lightly to himself as reki starts listing down the jobs he's done for the money. "a plane ticket costs roughly 15 thousand to 30 thousand yen. with your budget now, you won't be able to afford a trip back home" cherry explained 

"whaaa?" reki groaned out "then i have to work more? but thats so boring! i haven't skated in forever for this!" he whined 

cherry patted his back as the redhead sulked. "don't worry, we'll be going with you anyways" he said "you can borrow money from the gorilla" cherry suggested with a smile 

"why not from you?" reki raised a brow. "because i don't want to." cherry replied 

reki sweat dropped but nodded anyways. he gathered the money and the skateboard before running on his way over to joe's restaurant. 

"JOE HELP!!" reki exclaimed as he slammed the restaurant doors open. "yo, what the hell?!" joe yelled back as he watched reki rush over to him and cling on his arm with a cutesy pout 

"hey hey, joe~" reki cooed "can i borrow money from you? i can right? right? great!" he exclaimed "i'll need 20 000 yen atleast!" reki said with a grin as he held his hands out expectantly 

joe spluttered as he stared down at the redhead. "hey, who said i'll give you money?" he scowled 

"cherry did!" reki exclaimed 

"kaoru.." joe muttered through gritted teeth. "that damn brat." he sighed. "whatever. i'll give ya money." he said. "it's to see y/n right? we've been planning on visiting soon anyway" 

"really?! great! can i have it now-" reki was cut off by joe's laughter. "no, no" joe cooed

"you're gonna have to work for it" he smirked as he pulled out an apron and a menu and shoved it into the redhead's arms. reki's expression morphed into one of dread as he held the apron against his body ".. am i supposed to be a waiter?" he groaned out 

"you're a smart one, aren't ya?" joe said in a teasing tone 

"but why do i have to work?" reki whined. "oh, cmon! it's for y/n, don't ya care about her?" joe taunted him 

reki sent him a glare and reluctantly put the apron on. "for y/n.. sure" he muttered with a blush of embarrassment as joe started ruffling his hair like a child

"hey, joe.." reki trailed off "if i have to work.. the shouldn't he be working too?!" he shrieked out as he pointed to miya who was quietly sitting by a booth. "hah?!" miya exclaimed "i actually have money, unlike you, you slime!" he yelled 

"how?! you're thirteen!" reki shrieked out 

"and you're seventeen but poor! shut up and take my order, slime!" miya hissed back at him 

"i hate you!" reki hissed back "im not letting you near y/n after this, just so you know" he said. miya simply rolled his eyes and huffed. "shut up, slime. i want a drink." he said 

"you shut up" reki muttered back in annoyance, but quickly wrote the order down anyways 

"haha, keep this up and you'll see y/n in no time!" joe cheered as he patted reki's back. "why can't you just give me money, dude?" reki groaned 

joe laughed and sent him a cheeky wink "gotta milk the opportunity, you know?" he mused 

"so you're just using me!!" 

ppl r asking for them to see y/n skate,, dw that's coming soon haha,, and reki and the others are also appearing soon :) 

"exactly!" 

sorry for the spelling / grammar mistakes if there are any :<

[artreider]

Station 19 returns in a little over 2 weeks so im going to try to finish my rewatch this week.

Im doing todays rewatch while my daughter plays we'll see if i can work this out.

This is one one of my favorite episodes but im liable to cry watching it again.

Ugh dixon why cant we have lost him this season.

I love the family talks between the crew to start the episode and jack with his seemingly random trivia/information that he just feels like educating his team about.

Poor vic you can see how much she is struggling as the news is on and her crew discusses protesting and police brutality.

I love what Montgomery says that things felt different right after george floyd and breonna taylor were killed, like something was going to change. But now a year plus out i cant help but feel like nothing is really changing, like we all forgot what we saw.

I do love their shirts.

Oh maya trying to navigate being there for her team, doing whats right and whats expected of her. I don't envy her. Also its all in vain and she came so far and is the best captain.

Hughes wanting to change the subject and celebrate marina's engagement, i love her but my heart hurts for her. I also love the support for maya from her team.

I know some fans take issue with vic calling it a lesbian wedding but im onebof those who isnt. That comes from a bisexual woman married to a bisexual woman who normally just tells people she is gay or a lesbian because ita simpler. And also because you can sometimes avoid the inevitable question of why did i choose a woman instead of a man.

I love the i could barely agree to get carina to marriage line and i dont know why.

There's hererra eating away lol; either they just had fun messing with fans or really planned the long game pregnancy. Is it possible we'll see glimpses of her pregnancy in flashbacks this season and then she'll have a baby in present day. This could've been their way of getting around having to film a pregnancy over the course of a season and keeping andy in the action. Hmmm

Vic and travis, i love them. Im glad travis trying to get vic to open up. I just want to hug vic so much, i cant imagine what she's going through.

Barrett kills this episode.

Bishop is right, vic cant be objective she needs to foucs on her family and trust her team.

I love watching maya captain.

Asshole kids.

Vic talking about her team is love. In light of the following episode i wish we could've had them all be introduced to her folks on screen. Also i need fics of how the wedding came to be at the restuarant and just marina month apart after becoming engaged.

Ugh between the popo and news its like vultures outside the fire. Also the portrayal of the news pisses me off as a news producer. Thats not to say some news stations may have agendas or some reporters an inability to seperate themselves from the story but in my experience that is few and far between.

"Fire" "whatever your question is the answer is fire and we are working to put it out" ugh i love the bde and quote from maya. And the "buhbye" so much love here.

These officers are out of line, if you cant do your job properly then hand in your badge you pos. Love the female officer here, ill take more of her. Clearly she has no issue with the station or the lawsuit.

Im glad dean listened to maya and didnt question her. I also just realized she said "ill deal with pd", such a good captain putting herself between the pos and her team.

As maya watches vic and her family you can just see her heart going out to them.

Ugh vic you need all the hugs, also mama hughes is so stubborn lol but i love her.

I love them ribbing on andy about eating and her choice of food as well as her loud stomach rumbles.

Too much bad news delivered by emails/texts to the team.

Its not fair the team seems upset with maya about the city's decision.

Perv andy lol also totally pregnant. Also the look she gave sullivan when they were on their way to the fire just screamed i know im pregnant and love my baby daddy.

Theo means well and im glad travis is letting him help.

Sometimes moms say things and mean well but they just dont come across right.

Stupid news reporter.

I love this scene and mama hughes. "Let it burn" so succinct. She is an icon. The recitement of the names never fails to bring tears to my eyes.

That her parents know the names rings differently for vic, its like she feels seen amd that maybe they werent as unaware as they came across.

Jack seems so lost and is just trying to understand the world and himself. I just want him to find his purpose and happiness. I swear it just seems like he'll be the next person killed off after finding his happiness.

I love the boards dedicated to vic, just goes to show sometimes parents care more than they seem and are just not good at showing it. They are so proud of her.

Them both telling just a second made me chuckle so much.

The apology may not bring back michael but its important none the less.

Im glad maya checked on dean. And the solution they came up with. Side note danielle looks so good in this scene, i may have a crush.

Fhe breath she takes when he stops her from leaving, it hurts me. I take it as she is bracing herself for the worst especially when he says he doesnt want to be disrespectful. Its still hard for her to believe she has the teams unwavering support. I love dean telling maya to have a wedding for her station.

The breaking the plates scene i love it. Love the conversations between vic and her mom.

The breaking of the plates, such love.