#maybe ill get into it more one day but for now take this

[patchworkcuddlebug]

notes

DONT SUBMIT THIS. this is just where im gonna write down observations and hypothosises hypotheses about the artifact this isnt a formal report. keep this pages seperate from anything you submit to the class

i found it at a non-magical thrift shop. its a single ribbon that was in the toy section, but its too big for a stuffed animal, and it was on a shelf too high for kids to reach anyway. its a simple red colour and you can tell from the wear/bends in the fabric that its meant to be worn in a bow

its SO cursed. i could sense it as soon as i was through the door. something doesnt get that powerful accidentally, unless a witch older than the professors have been using it for over a century. i think it was intentionally enchanted and left for some human sucker

ill read up on class protocol and start experimenting tomorrow

day 1

i scheduled some time in a mannequin room. i double checked everything, the falsified humanity in the mannequin, lack of external contamination, everything seemed fine. after 3 hours of the bow on its wrist, and then its hair, i cant find any registerable enhancements or curses.

my current hypothesis is that there isnt any effect on the wearer. its a false positive enchantement, where all of its energy is going towards appearing powerful instead of actually doing anything

which is a relief cuz according to protocol i can wear it now ehehehe. i was really hoping its be benign because its a really cute ribbon? i was kinda distracted by the magic part but its really nice! it has a fun retro vibe, i love how the colour is just a little faded too. should i wear more ponytails?

day 2

started out by just wearing it on my wrist. i know it probably doesnt make too much of a difference as long as im wearing it at all, but i dunno if it really is cursed i at least dont want it to start by my brain

i dont think there were any effects? maybe its cuz i kept fiddling with it all day so it may have interrupted the connection? most cursed artifacts need a physical connection and if this is an accessory it could be designed for long-term contact. so i guess as long as i take it off every once in a while ill be fine? im still sticking with the false positive hypothesis, just being precautious

i guess i could just talk about my day in case there are symptoms in retrospect? i cant really think of anything negative though. i did a great job focusing in class and i feel like i was really productive. i made some good progress on my term paper and i took really solid notes

i guess i kinda zoned out between classes? it wasnt when i was talking with friends or anything just doing menial stuff like walking around. i wasnt daydreaming or anything it was just like my brain kinda shut off and my body moved on its own. i dont think thats a thing, im probably just on edge and noticing a habit for the first time. nothing to worry about

Day 3

alright. i wore it in my hair today. so far so good?

i experienced the following things that may be symptoms: minor stiffness in the muscles, a greater inclination to formality, and a strange feeling in the wrist (specifically the same one i wore the ribbon on yesterday). the feeling is hard to pin down, its a strange floaty stiffness underneath the skin. it isn't unpleasant, but the asymmetry isnt welcome.

i feel like this is definitely an effect of my wearing it closer to my head, like i suspected the other day. i dont think its enough to warrent taking it off yet. its a very nice ribbon.

Day 4.

I am turning into a doll.

I shouldn't have kept wearing it. I should've taken yesterday as a warning. Now I feel that emptiness spreading and it's spreading way too fast. There's also the... physical transformation.

My left wrist is starting to... it's hard to explain. I can feel the changes happening. There's still skin over my wrist joint but it feels like it's not natural. It's still literally human skin, but it feels as if there's a glove that's growing thinner by the hour. I think before the day is over it'll waste away completely as it slowly corrupts the rest of my hand.

The mental transformation is much more worrying. In the grand scheme of things my behaviour is mostly unchanged. I'm just more... aware of it now. Typically, I naturally slouch, and I've been made more self-aware of this habit to the extent that I need to manually initiate it rather than falling into it unconsciously. It's the same with whenever I notice my attention drifting during lectures, or notice that I'm walking too loosely, or speaking too casually. It may just be that heightened awareness is an aspect of dollhood, or... it's more noticable because it's out of place for a doll to act in such a way. Regardless, I do not feel forced to defy this inclinations yet.

I don't want to write the same way I did before. Looking at how I did before feels... wrong. Inappropriate. i can try and force something more casual but i have to force it, it feels like trying to speak a second language youve only. Excuse me. That you've only just started learning. I want to go back and fix that but I feel like it would undermine my point. It just doesn't feel right, there's something viscerally discomforting about doing that.

I'm very hesitant to reach out about this. Beyond a fear of social repercussion inherent to admitting that a witch is becoming a doll, I'm worried that there will be a serious academic punishment attached to being this callous with a cursed artifact. I'll need to find a student I can trust to reverse this.

Day Five.

Things are getting dire. This I can feel the changes getting harder to resist.

Physically, the transformation has already converted my entire left arm. My wrist, elbow, and most of its my left hand have been changed into a hollow plastic, only movable with exposed joints. This one exp I expected it to feel more harrowing, for the creeping conversion to feel more tangibly uncomfortable, but so far it is... pleasant. Being emptied out always seemed so unwelcome when the older witches described it, but it feels nice to not have the constant pulsing of blood or the strain of muscles. This one likes the noise it makes when it taps agains

I. Me. I do. Me me human person witch.

This is what I mean. It feels like I have to be vigilant to talk like a person, and a single moment's broken concentration is all it takes to give in and become complacent to dollhood.

I need to intentionally break my posture to slouch. This one c I cannot stop my footsteps from being dainty and gentle. During lectures when the professor asks for input from the class, it takes deliberate effort to avoid participation, because good dolls always do as they are told.

I didn't write that. I swear to the stars I didn't write that. It was thinking about what to write next and that thought just... naturally injected itself. Perhaps this one needs to. Perhaps I need to resort to desperate measures and remove the bow. But I... really don't want to. It makes this one look so pretty, like a good doll.

No, no, I'm not a good doll, I don't WANT to be a good doll. I feel like I'm going insane. My humanity is draining by the second and soon there's be nothing left but empty pliability and polite docility. That is a bad thing. I am not excited for that. This one needs to put more effort into finding a witch to break this curse. It wishes it could skip its lectures, but good dolls do as they're t

I. Am. Going to bed.

Day Six.

This one's friends have finally noticed. This one accidentally called one of them "miss" when answering a question, and then the entire secret quickly unravelled. This one needed to use a sweater to hide the transformation reaching its shoulders, and there's a distinctly inhuman texture to this one's face, so it was easy for them to unravel once I gave them reason to be suspicious.

They offered to be the ones to conduct the search for the cure, on the only condition that this one take care of some menial chores to help free time in their schedules. This one feels... a little conflicted. On one hand, it is excited to be closer to its humanity! It cannot wait to feel blood spill through its body, and escape that terrifying feeling of having its brain shut off so it feels nothing but a fluttering emptiness.

This one. Just said "Awawa". Out loud.

It does not want this to progress further. Yes, it feels... very nice to be a doll. But that enjoyment has to be the work of the curse. This one needs to return to its study, it cannot afford to fall behind in the academic arms race. Being a human means having expectations to fulfill, something dolls are too simple and too docile to understand.

This one. Did it. Again.

This is a vacation. Nothing more. It will indulge in its urges to be obedient when doing chores for its friends and then return to developing its magic talent to the greatest degree the curse will allow.

Day Five Hundred and Twelve.

This one was rather surprised to find its notes from before it became. They were tucked away in its closet, with other sentimental items such as certain childhood keepsakes and its government identification. This one figured it would be fun to return to journaling as a hobby.

As can likely be surmised, this one remains a doll. The search for a cure was fruitless and fizzled out naturally due to a lack of investment, both from this one and from Miss. Speaking of, Miss is one of its friends from university, although the word "friend" feels like a shallow means of explaining a doll's relationship with its witch. Its other friends still keep contact and meet up for tea, which this one greatly enjoys catering for.

It feels very silly looking back at this one's humanity, especially given the apprehension it felt towards becoming. In retrospect, the situation being forced upon this one was likely the only way it would have become without years of soul-searching introspection, so it is very thankful to have happened upon such a gift so long ago. Perhaps part of its enchantment was to find the right host?

Part of this one misses that ribbon. It was such a nice colour... but this one feels confident in the decision to return it to the same thrift store it was once found in. It feels excited for the next lucky doll to feel the same joys that this one did. The exhilaration of feeling your body become lighter and more rigid, the stillness slowly overtaking your mind with greater and greater intensity, and of course the pleasure of following one's purpose. Awawawa...

It is late, and good dolls need rest. This one is excited to spend tomorrow night writing about all the joys of serving Miss.

[threepandas]

Bad End: Earth Shaker

People call them "Contracts" but few, if any, ever read the fine print.

Maybe it's because of all the media from my first life; the horror stories and tales of deals gone wrong. Yet it seems like I alone, remain cautious. Careful. It feels like I alone, even understand the concept of "a deal with the devil". Though granted... not by that exact wording.

There are no devils here. IS no Christian Heaven or Hell. (As far as I can tell.)

But... but oh, there is so much more. And all of it is dangerous.

There are demons, yes, but they are creature made of malicious Energies. So too, exsist spirits. Minor and major Gods. It is a full and complete fantasy set up. They whole package. A wonderland of world building. And? A horror story to live in.

Those self same demons? Eat people. Attack travelers. Trains. And those Spirits? Fight for dominance in some sort of ever shifting court intrigue, using mortals as power sources and pawns. Are just as, if not more, destructive then the demons!

But, oh. What of the Gods?

What OF them? Do you think they care?

Beneath the glamorous adventures and magical veneer of the Story, this world was a rotten thing. Barely holding together. Yet... yet it was all I had, now. And that terrified me. Because I could not protect... anyone. Could I? Not.. not a single soul.

In the Story, the Protagonist (bless his empty little head) went to a magical academy. Met friends and foes. There was a love story and eventually? He saved the day. Huzzah. Good for him. But... here was the problem. The one which haunted me so.

That Love story? The "girl" he fell in love with? A nice, if proper, young lady from a house far above his station. But, oh! It was a turn of the century magical fantasy! He became famous! Wealthy! Saved her life with his incredible power! Of course her family approved in the end.

I did not want to BE his love story.

He was... a nice young man. Really! But... but it was like talking to, well, a high school student. Which he effectively was. And I? Had already been in college. Damn near graduating! (Not that I was bitter. No. Of course not. Perish the thought!) Only to then? Reincarnate and go on to live over a decade more.

I was at least twice his age.

The day I'd look at him as a romantic prospect? Is the day I'd gouge my own eyes out. That is a CHILD. My whole class is full of children. It's... exhausting. Ha! "Mature one", indeed. "Class mom", indeed! If only they knew.

But now? Now‽ The school wanted us to make Contracts! For a fucking GRADE! It was horrifying. Ill conceived and frankly? A GREAT way to push kids to over reach themselves. Try and Contract with a more powerful Being then they could handle. Get burned up or used.

"Mandatory". Ha! Mandatory my ass. I should refuse. If I was sane, I was refuse. But the problem was?

The school was fronting the Contact materials and safety arrays.

It was the safest chance I'd ever get. Fuck. Damn it.

So I read. I read and I read. Research til my eyes cross. Practice writing until my hands cramp. Splurge on the highest grade calligraphy instruments and inks I can afford. And with my allowance? And years of saving up? I'm literally buying alongside royals.

But it's the CONTRACT that takes the most time. I have to research law. Act under the assumption that I will be faced with some sort of malicious genie. It... gods, it can only end poorly. I know this. Yet? Here I stand.

Doing it anyway.

(I am a fool... aren't I?)

Unlike my fellow students, I don't do a vague Call All. While yes, the odds are higher for a response (due to it being basically an APB), you will have no control over what responds. Better to call for something specific and fail, in my mind. Then at least? You can plan ahead.

Besides, with the sheer quality of the materials I'm using? Someone will answer. They won't be able to resist. It's like leaving a box of diamonds on the sidewalk.

It takes all day, slowly, carefully writing out the hundreds of thousands of sigils and qualifiers. The "if X then Y, except when Z unless AB" of it all. I magically drain myself twice. Have to eat trail mix on the floor then nap in the corner. I rented the hall for the week, but... once begun? Only an IDIOT would open the safety arrays to leave.

Great way for foreign influences to completely fuck up your spell work. Either try to harvest the building Energies or, more likely, sabotage the Contract for a friend or ally, so they get more then they should. Fuckers.

After nearly two days? It's done. Still, I wait. Even as the air nearly burns with power. The scent of Green so over powering it's like someone dumped a cologne aisle on the floor. Wood and moss and old growth. Deep dark, pitch black earth. Petrichor. All humming, Humming, HUMMING like a bow string pulled back as far as it can. Straining, shaking, desperately ready to release the tension and STRIKE.

But I am no fool.

I wait for my energy to refill. Wait for a nap and some food to clear my mind. For all my papers to be nicely in order. I have called upon you, not the other way around. You can wait. (Because, frankly? I haven't even called you yet!)

Contract ready, I step into place. And each step, as it lands, is like the falling of trees and the baying of hounds. Thunderous in the sudden silence. Crashing as they fall. It is not me, whoever does this, the heraldry is both dramatic and not something I've ever even practiced. The scent of Green is thick enough now to choke. I'm genuinely surprised that the scent alone has not inspired plant growth.

My meticulous work surges to life, like it was a beast, only barely holding itself a bay. Like it can no longer. Roots and vines, made of then thousand shades of green-Gold-GREEN light shoot forward and up. Restrictive and choking. I am consumed in seconds.

I have to remind myself not to panic. To keep my feet still. As long as I don't move? I am safe. It is all for show. Like a cat, arching it's back. They can't truely hurt me. Bruise? Yes. But true, actual injury? No. It would hurt THEM too.

"Well, now, what have we here?" Mused a voice beyond comprehension.

It was eons of growth, beneath aliens skies. The cries of animals long lost and longer dead. Things that weren't and have never been, but could have. Growth, growth, GROWTH. Hunting and savagery and Death. Trees so tall the eclipse the heavens. Roots so deep they consume the world. Each leaf a tapestry. Decay. Growth from the rotting.

My... my ears were bleeding.

The vines-roots writhed in agony and pleasure under the weight of those few words. And... and that wasn't right. S-something was wrong. Very, very wrong. A spirit wasn't supposed to be that... that powerful.

I could FEEL the Safety arrays all but screaming under the weight they were trying to hold. Like toothpicks trying to hold up a mountain range. W-what? What was happening? I picked an earth spirit! Statistically, the calmest and mildest out of all available options! So... so why...‽

"Not going to bargain, kid? Plead for power and wealth?" The next sentence was no less agony then the first. Like being slammed by a wall of power. "Or are you here to make demands? Hmmm? I'm curious, honestly, to see where this one goes. It's been a while, after all."

The world had a pink tint. I... I tasted iron. Ha ha... oh god. Shit. I fucked up. I knew I should never have agreed to this stupid fucking-!

Wet dribbled down my face. A wheezing gurgle rattled my lungs. My heart was racing... but... but I could get enough air. I tried to suck in more. But the wet gurgle only got louder, as pink tinted foam worked it's way up my throat. Filled my lungs. I couldn't breathe. Something wet trickled from my ears. I Couldn't Breathe!

"Ah. I forgot about that. Fragile little creatures, aren't you?"

Unhurried steps casually strolled closer. Iron flavored foam clogged my air ways, as muscles spasmed, and creeping tendrils of darkness began to work their way closer, around the edges of my dying eyes. The world was muffled yet I could hear him perfectly. My sense were burning out, yet he imprinted himself beyond that. What had I summoned? Oh god... what had I done? W-what had I-‽

A calloused, treebark colored hand (the shade ever shifting, just ever so slightly) passed through the vines. Rather, the vines parted for it. Sun warm. Glowing as though containing that sunlight itself. Big. It... it was a strong, gardeners hand. A hunter's. Yet at the same time... unmistakable for anyone but that of a powerful man's.

Casual in it's impropriety. Sliding through my hair to grip the top of my head like it was simply his due. His skin... buzzed against me. Was almost too hot. Like standing near a live wire. And...? Then...

Then everything was gone.

My lungs free and clear. My eyes sharper then they'd ever been. Hearing so crisp, the silence of the room around us was nearly vertigo inducing. It was like my body had been reset to factory settings. Upgraded. I shuddered, eyes clenching shut. Because even with the pain gone? The horror was still there. The memory of the taste still lingered in my mouth.

"There we go, good girl. All fixed." There was a condescending lilt to his voice. His hand didn't move. Just tightened lightly and dragged, forcing me to tilt my head up, if I didn't want my hair pulled. Making me look him in the eyes. They were shifting, lazily, between hawk and wolf gold even as I watched. "Now, you were trying to be clever, yes? Had your little plan and every thing. Come on, let's hear it. I'm curious to see where this scheme goes. You always think your so creative, after all. So bold and new."

I wanted to send him back.

Now.

Fuck this. Fuck, grades. To hell with "mandatory". I'd drop out if I had too. Gods damn it, I'd go be puppy boy Protagonist's Love Interest if I had too! This was insane. I... I fucked up so bad. Earth spirits don't glow. Light spirits glow! For obvious reasons. But you know who does‽ Who FUCKING DOES‽‽ Gods.

"Ah, ah~." He chided, all but curling over me as he loomed.

There was laughter threatening to escape his control, hidden in his voice. Mocking amusement in the deliberate non-smile that kept him from baring his teeth in a grin.

"Don't go running now. Not when you've already invited me in." Phrasing. Horrifying phrasing! "You wouldn't want to be rude would you? There are Rules, after all. And you know better. Don't you, little thing?"

I wanted to laugh hysterically. Cry a bit. Fuck. God DAMN IT. FUCK! He's right. Of course he is! He mocking me with it! Shit. Oh god. Fuck, damn it! O-okay... I... I can... I just-!

Fear? Truely is the mind killer. For long moments, I could not move. Could barely bring myself to breathe. My mind, a horrible static. But... like slowly forcing yourself to unclench a white knuckled grip. One finger at a time. I... I made myself focus. Tried to bring my arm up. Miraculously, the vines let me. I held the Contract I had written out.

"Oh? And what's this then? Deman-?"

I could feel the pages leave my hand. Hear the rustle as they were flipped. The ringing silence, as he registered what it was he held. But my eyes were closed. I... I didn't want to see the end coming. Maybe I was a coward for that. But damn it, gods damn it, I was scared!

Ļ̵͎̬̙̲̈̽a̶̡̻͕̐̿̆͜ȕ̵̡̠͕̹̌̎̊̔g̷̡̟̞͓̬̿h̴̦̻̼͌́̚t̶͍̑e̴̹̓̚͠r̶̹̳̺̀̿͊̓

Crashing of horns against horns, the bray of dying beasts. Cracking growing and the fall of mighty trees. Mycelium surging through deep dark soil. Ripping flesh. Hunting cries. Green and grow. GREEN AND DEATH. Green Green Green Green Green Gree-!

"Audacious little pet! Aren't you? Oh, you do think your clever!" Amusement sang like venom and traps yet to be sprung. Dying, dying, DYING-! "Oh dear. Again? My poor thing. Hold still. This 'spiritual partner' will make it all better, hmm?"

The hand was back. Cradling my lolling face. W-when had I? G..Gone limp? I can't feel my legs. Can't feel... can't feel.... c-cant f...feel...

GREEN.

I gasp in air, like a drowning man final breaking the surface. My face is sticky. Blood? Tears? Gore? I am terrified to know. Don't have the strength to lift my own head. My magic is being all but ripped out of me. Faster and faster. Like it's being drained into a bottomless pit.

Something beyond sunlight, beyond growth, is reaching back. The very Concept of nature made manifest. What did I summon? What creature? What GOD?! Did I SUMMON?! Please. Forgive me. I.. I didn't mean too! I swear! Please! P-please!

"You know? It's been far too long, since I've had an excuse. I needed a good vacation. And to think," A second hand comes up to cradle my face, with a terribly deceptive gentleness. Tilting my head this way and that, as though to inspect me. "It comes with a free pet. Oh you're going to be so very amusing, I can already tell."

"But don't worry, pet." He nearly crooned. Clearly warming up to his own idea. "I take care of my things."

"And I can just tell. I am going to adore you."

[sushisocks]

I would love to hear your angsty macsummers headcanons 👀

YEEEAHHHHHH let's get INTO IIITTTT!!! I wanna say these sort of -- build up a little, maybe :3c I hope you like them!!!

Lenny isn't really one to talk about his feelings - he might have the words, but he still doesn't really know how to, when it comes to the more negative and deep-seated stuff. King of intellectualizing his emotions fr.

The only person who ever really gets him is Sean, who wears his heart on his sleeve.

It's not even that Sean tries very hard to understand Lenny; but he has the ability to get straight to the point where Lenny flounders or gets avoidant.

Similarly, when Sean starts blustering and distancing himself from the truly vulnerable parts of himself, Lenny can see right through it.

What really first drew Lenny to Sean was his openness about his father; the common ground of having lost theirs in such violent ways. It's the first time Lenny tells anyone what he did in retaliation, and how he did it - Sean responds in neither horror nor pity, but with a sense of vicarious satisfaction and maybe just a little jealousy. They share a drink in quiet celebration of the karmic retribution delivered by Lenny's hands, and it's the least complicated anything has been for him in a long time.

Sean's story feels heavy with unfinished business, in comparison; turns sweet liquor sour to hear of a man shot in his bed. Lenny indulges him, lets him talk about his father at length, and feels his own sting of jealousy at how close it seems they were - reminded of his own father's words in the letter he still has from him. He's not sure he ever fully understood the 'more tutor than father' line before meeting Sean.

Nightmares; when Sean isn't blacked out to the world from either drink or exhaustion, he has them. Usually he dreams of waking up to his father's dead body, though that has certainly morphed over the years through the death and injury he's witnessed since. It's not uncommon for him to dream about Lenny being dead, now, and waking up panting and panicked just to see Lenny next to him - Sean usually curls right up against him before trying to get some more sleep.

Conversely, Lenny only has nightmares after experiencing something really bad - Sean usually is woken up by Lenny though, and is there to comfort him after.

When Sean returns from the bounty hunters, he spends the first night drinking, partying, and partially avoiding Lenny. He's overly successful as Lenny is gone for the next couple days with Micah, and then gets taken out to drink with Arthur.

By the time Lenny DOES approach Sean and asks to talk, Sean is on the verge of exploding. He doesn't WANT to talk about it, he wants to move on with his life, but he has been anticipating Lenny's question and barely needs to be prodded before he's spilling his guts out.

He tells Lenny about the haze of pain and confusion, about how he had no idea how much time passed prior to getting out - it could've been days or months as far as he was aware. Sean isn't really sure what all they did for the duration he was there - he just knows he was in pain for the most of it, when he wasn't unconscious, and that the burning and pulling was among the easier things to bear.

Lenny asks Sean if he's thinking of leaving, after all that. Sean says no, and Lenny has no idea why he's vaguely disappointed. They both know something is left unsaid there, but neither can bring themselves to push it or bring it up again.

Lenny does still notice how unsteady Sean is on his feet in the time after, at Horseshoe; he does his best to make sure Sean has somewhere to sit down nearby, if he needs it. He also notices how Sean's struggling to eat, and speaks to Pearson about cutting everything in the stew into smaller pieces for a while - he also makes sure there's softer snacks for Sean in the meantime.

When Sean dies, Lenny shuts down in what ways he can. He has never figured out how to handle grief without vengeance, without anger, and when there is no revenge left to take, he has no idea how to handle it. So he just gets quiet.

He was the same when Jenny died, but with Sean it's worse - Lenny becomes a lot more withdrawn, to the point that people notice.

Several of his friends in the gang try to check up on him, but Lenny brushes them off - doesn't want to talk about it. He keeps up with the day-to-day because he doesn't know what else to do, a sort of distant dissociation carrying him through it.

When he has a moment of quiet, he doesn't even know how to identify what he's feeling, he just feels-- empty.

Where before he was foolhardy now he's reckless - borderline careless - with himself. It's not that he wants to die but the rush of adrenaline is one of the purest feelings he has left, not waterlogged by the reminder of his person not being there anymore.

It doesn't help, in the long run - remembering just hits harder once the thrill fades.

[quirkle2]

no matter how hard i tried i couldn't get this piece to work w full color and lighting so ur just gettin this instead </3 reigen's somewhere off-camera with his head in his hands wondering who FUCKING hurt his kids

[xxplastic-cubexx]

tablet died right when i finished that wanda doodle but i still wanna doodle what if i ended it all

[lemongogo]

college … wasted on the youth (me)

[ratatatastic]

do you write fic on ao3?

unfortunately for everyone involved i do!

[yikes-ajax-thats-sad]

People really think trust issues are just "aww they're scared of love" and it's like bitch no. Trust issues as in I'm deeply in love and the issue is I'm waiting for you break my heart after undergoing periodic abuse in relationships. I'm not scared of love I'm scared of what you'll do with it.

[clowningcrows]

accidentally took a fairly objective step away from myself today and went. oh shit. i’m like REALLY hard on myself aren’t i?

[rainingincale]

.

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

me: constantly cracks jokes about how disabled/chronically-ill sickly i am

also me: surprised pikachu face when i get regular-illness-sick ontop of my usual-sick (as if im not suspected to be somewhere on the spectrum of immunocompromised) "this should be illegal"

[risingsunresistance]

damn i kinda dont like it here anymore

[littol-bun]

i love being an age regressor ૮ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠ tonight it feels very affirming and comforting. I've kind of always had to look out for myself and be my biggest supporter, and there are a lot of strange ways this feels like a second chilhood at times.

like i regress to being younger, but I'm also a girl now in a completely different place with completely different circumstances/social circles etc. yk?

but when i feel rly small and my reality feels so big, it makes me happy that older me is there for me to make the important decisions and guide us there :3 it's like i am holding my hand through this, i haven't had an adult rly look out for me like this and it's so nice to have one now!!

i don't have to be scared of big changes, I'm doing good and I'm here for me and i can take it easy. i have someone who is helping me ♡⁠ i have someone who is keeping me safe. they work hard so i can be little ^.^ thanks big sis hehe ✌🏾

ouggghh im not little anymore but (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) ♡⁠ yeah. when i am little i can still like.. function as an adult n talk to ppl n stuff. but it's also like, well like i said before ig 0:

like im smaller but different‚ subtly. still me‚ but someone else since I'm like.. a teen?? that i never was. my childhood was nothing like my adulthood so this rly is a whole new thing little me has needed to learn 2 navigate emotionally/mentally.

but as i become more aware of when I'm in a little headspace and not, the difference in perception stands out to me a lot more. i can't articulate it very well... oughh. this is giving me very specific questions, but on that note — i am happy to feel so safe and looked out for when I'm little 😌💕 i used to feel scared and helpless but it's different now. we're doing this together 👩🏽‍🤝‍👩🏾 i got ya lil sis

[crows-of-buckets]

Sometimes all of my ocs decide they wanna do laps in my head all at the same time so I just end up sitting there like "I want to draw tyrian and Daeran, and Aviae and Morrigan, and Lucio and Anders, and Selene and Sera, and my other Hawkes and my other warden and-" and then none of it happens

[doublekanble]

ghost in your home was not supposed to end like that at all lol, wrestled with the idea of letting him have his cake and eat it too or shove it in his face a bit more and ended up with just letting him be

[xxswagcorexx]

watching this au somewhat-flesh out in the tags like heeehoo giggling and twirling my hair etc. thank u for sharing its really cool to hear about this especially your reasonings behind things :) and the au name FUCKS btw 10/10 on that one (you can take this as a free space to ramble more about it if you like)

AHHH TYSM ANON!! ive been having a lot of fun with au (but im a lil. tapped out for ideas, but the general idea is that you can do. Whatever you want with this [wowie just like actual mythology!] so!! feel free to add on/make ur own/be inspired or whatever from this ^_^ most of this is mostly what i feel from Vibes anyways [and i would be very very happy to see any content in general so !!!])

ANYWAYS going to use this an opportunity to ramble about clown and spoke!! this is gonna focus more on their myths rather than their cults bc. i have a clearer image abt their myths than their cults (and vice versa for ash and red)

ANYWAYS lets start of with clown! ^_^ for some context, clown's username used to be godlysins (which is something he only went by for a little bit, he's been using clownpierce for a Lot longer) but basically id imagine he'd start off as a god, and after some time his mythology would be about him rejecting godhood and being able to complete impossible tasks as a mortal (also he gets a name change, pissing off any historians trying to study him <3), so essentially functioning as a greek hero in this au (also bc i think there's this cool quote of him saying that he's human, so that's a fun tie in!). anyways he's popular among warriors and looked up by anyone who wants to accomish something really hard :)

i also mentioned spoke being an import god in my tags where i mentioned clown, and that idea is mostly because iirc he got a lot of his powers from a hypixel exploit? don't quote me on that though im not very caught up on his lore (or ls lore in general </3 i cant watch streams bc of School and energy levels) . anyways since he seemingly got his powers from a 3rd party, id imagine (similar to the original theory about dionysus' origin before we found his name in older records) that spokes origin myths would have him coming from some far off land and having arcane powers compared to the other god bc he got it from somewhere else ^_^ awesome! (also this is a Different reason to why i think ash is more of an import god bc ash is known for. a lot of things? like you cant really point where Most people know him, so that idea kinda transferred to him being an import god)

but YA! ty for the ask anon <3 i loveeeee thinking abt related ideas abt a topic so ^_^ tysm for the ask and giving me a chance to talk abt clown and spoke!!!