#maybe ill delete this later idk
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purple with wings!
(+ green preening purp's wings below the cut, not finished tho)
bro green u cant just grab someone else's wing like that !!
#pawu.art#animator vs animation#animation vs minecraft#avm fanart#avm purple#purple avm#avm green#green avm#anddd hmm#avm shipping#grapeduo#avm grapeduo#i mean u can see it as platonic but just in case yknow#maybe ill delete this later idk
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the sleeve of my pajamas smells like bug spray and i genuinely wish i knew why
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notes game because I can
!!Deadline is December 1st!!
rules:
no spamming!
5 notes per person total
any extra notes will result in a 1 day deduction to the deadline
please do not write meaningless letting or numbers in the comments
10 notes: I'll do my laundry more often
30 notes: I'll take care of my hair and face better
50 notes: I'll take showers more often
75 notes: I'll eat more often
100 notes: I'll stop purposely ignoring my iron pills in the morning
130 notes: I'll get out more often
150 notes: I'll stop my occasional very minor sh
175 notes: I'll stop neglecting myself and others around me
200 notes: I'll set an alarm to remember to eat lunch and other snacks throughout the day
250 notes: I'll stop procrastinating my work
300 notes: I'll find a way (hopefully) to get rid of my chronic year long insomnia
350 notes: I'll stop being so reserved and secretive around my family and friends
400 notes: I'll stop jumping from high things like bringing and trees
500 notes: I'll fix my bad habits
600 notes: I'll start socializing with people
700 notes: I'll seek help about my depression
800 notes: I'll start trying to get along better with the people in my life
900 notes: I'll (try) to cut ties with some toxic people in my life (not talking about any tumblr mutuals or you ace, don't you even dare think that D:<)
1000 notes: I will stop trying to kms at any given chance
#bored#avoiding sleep#notes game#idk why im doing this#might delete later#dont quote me on any if this#who knows.. maybe this will actually make a difference#Ill try my best to follow through
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//suggestive images
Made these cuz uhm. Uhm. Im not sure actually. For funsies or something. Eroticisim of the machine or something idk im new here
God i am SO CRINGE but i am... Free?
#Ughhh do i tag this as nsfw. Everyone is clothed yet i feel like im treading such a FINE LINE#Okay if someone asks me to tag it like that i will...#Posting this im like 'oh my god what if ppl think im weird and i get killed for this'#Then i remember im on Tumblr. Ill be fine. I think#ALSO if u literally click on the read mroe and get mad at seeing. This. Then that's ur own fault ok. Or maybe i didn't actually give a clea#Enough warning idk#Ill probably delete this later if it flops 😭😭😭#ultrakill oc#gabriel ultrakill#V1sona#Oc: V5#oc x canon#Urghhhh this stuff looks so bad BUT WHATEVER#Look at my yaoi or whatever#art#artists on tumblr#artwork#digital art#digital illustration#digital drawing#ultrakill#digital doodle#my art#my ocs#oc art#// suggestive
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journalists underestimate the magnitude of my addiction and how far i'll go for the bit
#snap chats#im lying i physically could not marathon this i got school LMAO BUT IMAGINE#my god speaking of school i signed up for a japanese history class. because of course i did#i also needed an extra class and i didnt know what else to put LMAO but i might swap it or somn#thinkin i should get back into theater..... i got like two months to decide anyway#i was thinking about how im gonna play IW during streams... if the lord will let me i might stream for 2~3 hours or so#im putting such a small time limit due to Aforementioned School but also idk if my computer can record any longer than that#when i tried saving the video to my flashdrive it only lasted about two some hours right ? maybe 3 if i remember right#i decided to record to my computer's hard drive instead of the usb since it has more space so maybe i can record longer#ill prob do a test run later today and record a nonsense video. i WILL delete it i just wanna see what the limit is#cause my plan is to just Record One -> Upload It -> Delete OG yk. Lazy Susan type of plan#didnt mean to type out my whole gameplan in the tags LOL BUT HEY I WANTED TO TALK BOUT IT AT SOME POINT#my final message is that ive Hopefully preordered the ichi statue. i say Hopefully cause i am once again doing it through jp rabbit#and i didnt get the confirmation it was successful yet so I Will Simply Wait.#point is it was a lot cheapter than i thought it was going to be <3 yay <3#ok im running out of tags tl;dr im gonna marathon IW until my eyes bleed BYYYE
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It's been a long year but i am happy to finally be able to post my Polaroid for the @hws-anthology ! This was my first ever zine and I'm honored to have been part of it since Hetalia has been part of my life for 10 years now. And I've made some incredible friends due to it
#romerica#hws romano#hws america#aph romano#aph america#hws anthology#hetalia#aph#hws#emil.art#deleted the ramble ill make a separate post later#< sorry for.being cringe#or maybe I'll put it back! idk. im mentally ill ����
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is this the point where i make a post looking for new ppl to follow bc i want friends in the fandom for the new thing i am hyperfixating on? are we at that point yet?
#iwtv#once again i respectfully ask for only adult to engage w this ‼️‼️#idk how young the iwtv demographic skews but hedging my bets#interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#amc interview with the vampire#friends please 🤲 id like them now 🤲#ill prob delete the big tags and maybe even this post later when i overthink this we will see
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I'm building a new PC!! 🤠
#for the first time ever! eep#my boyfriend's doing most of the building but im so excited#ill be able to draw and game once again hehe#maybe even play the PC version of da4 :'D#delete later#bishi talks#idk i just wanted to tell my internet buddies
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i feel comfier posting sketches and talking about them here over twitter so
a wip for some really cool gameboy cartridge based merch im gonna try and make :) im not making the csm one im sorry im lazy and i dont want to draw three chainsaws…. please understand
#tryna. post more onn tungle for the tumblrinas <3#but ill probs delete later. maybe. idk. woof#dunmeshi#witch hat atelier#frieren#sketches
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tried to test the waters by asking my mother what she would do if she had a gay child and she said that she'd have them sent to ghana (home country) to be purified. ok
#like idk what i expected other than that but damn ok#this is why i'm glad i didnt try and come out or anything when i was younger a few years ago#anyway she said the other option if 'purification' didnt work was to disown them so i guess ill just come out to spite her as an adult#i do not give a fuck about this family line its ending with me brother#deleting this later i just wanted to get it out#i guess i should tag this as#homophobia#?#and maybe also#religious homophobia#because her hatred comes from supposed bible teachings but also africans are usually just Like That when it comes to homosexuals#africa moment
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if i see spoilers for GO s2 im going to sob
#ngl ive been lookin forward to this all year and yet... i have been so depressed lately i am putting off watching it#its like im scared if i watch it then i will have nothing left LMFAOOO anyway it's fine i needa#finish some work and then maybe ill look at it idk#personal#delete later
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every now and then i forget how bad my chronic illnesses are and every now and then my body is like 'hmmm you seem to have forgotten what it's like to be cripplingly bedridden and disabled and we don't want you to forget' and then i'm reminded and it feels a little like being yeeted into a granite cliff wall at full speed and leaving a dent
#mother i am in pain#you know when you're#in the depths of pneumonia#it's like that but without having pneumonia#i think the reason long covid and PSVs scare people with chronic illnesses so much is that#we already have the symptoms#we don't want to find out how much further down the rabbit hole we can go#personal#maybe even dare i say#delete later#anyway i woke up not good and i am still not good#i should not be working today dsalkfjas#idk how relatable 'depths of pneumonia' is#'you know when you cough of blood and pus for two weeks'#like idk how universal that is#/makes sad goat noises
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sorry for making yet another textpost but i came across that post saying they dislike transfem natsume because he "canonically hates being perceived as a girl and tries to erase all sorts of memories related to that" and also went on to shame genderbends of him aswell. So, as someone who not only draws genderbends of natsume but is myself someone who is nonbinary and hates being perceived as a woman, i thought id offer my two cents
first of all; i think its important to note that natsume does NOT hate his childhood. in fact, hes quite happy that he had such an unusual upbringing!
what natsume hates is being perceived as weak. thats why he was raised as a girl after all, it was his mother trying to protect him from evil spirits. he doesnt hate the whole "-chan" or "wearing dresses" thing because he has a hatred for womanhood, its because due to his upbringing hes now come to associate those things as being weak. he begs tsumugi to forget about it because that means tsumugi remembers natsume being weak, and natsume thinks tsumugi still referring to him as "natsume-chan" means he still sees natsume as weak. (iirc natsume did however once say that he is a little sad that he doesnt really know how to relate to young boys due to this in poltergeist, but i couldnt find the exact quote. either way that just adds to the complexity of natsumes relationship with his childhood, because while he is happy to be "abnormal" in that sense, it has left him lacking in some areas)
i have to ask though, should this conflict of his not be something we hope he overcomes? should we not want him to develop a healthy relationship with various gender expressions? should we not want natsume to overcome his belief that feminine things = weakness? i want natsume to reach a point where he can wear feminine clothing and not feel like some damsel in distress because of it. i want natsumes character to grow. i want him to develop a positive relationship with his gender because natsume DOES enjoy some more typically feminine things, like baking! he used to bake with his mom when he was little! and i want him to feel like he can indulge in that side of him without feeling insecure.....
i LOVE transmasc natsume, my primary hc for him is transmasc nonbinary after all, but with all these things considered, shouldnt people be allowed to headcanon him however they want? if they hear his story and negative relationship with femininity and how that resonates with them and they themselves are transfem, should they not be allowed to hc him as such too?
which brings me to my next point; my own personal relationship with gender and femininity. i was raised as a girl and i fucking DESPISED womanhood. i hated everything about it. i hated how i felt forced into a box i didnt want to be stuck in, and i hated how it felt like my whole life had already been planned out for me due to societal expectations, aswell as me needing to present a certain way. i was peak "tomboy" growing up, constantly wearing super baggy clothes and wouldnt even brush my hair alot of the time. but despite that i remained miserable. i frankly hated how i looked and would constantly dye my hair vibrant colors in an attempt to make me like myself a little more. it wasnt until i realized "wow, im actually not a girl at all" that i finally let go of believing i needed to look a certain way (and thus, defying it) and started to dress for myself. i started to dress in clothes that made me happy and feel pretty! alot of which leans feminine, but clothes doesnt have a gender, and how you dress doesnt define your gender either, but it can still be a bit scary yknow? especially since i dont want people to think of me as a girl, and drawing a bunch of femstars has really made me learn to love myself more in a funny way. i can put these characters in clothes i think are beautiful, i can explore the more feminine parts of me that i adore but dont want to express in public due to how i want others to perceive me, but it has also warmed me up to femininity even more. because femstars to me feels detached from the expectations of society because its not a real thing!! there are no canon femstars designs!!! i can do literally whatever the hell i want with it and its been so liberating to me!!
all this to say; i think it really sucks seeing the way this fandom treats transfem hcs and explicit genderbends, because like ive said before; they can truly be something so personal. you dont know why that person is drawing what theyre drawing, so its a little unwise to make assumptions based on ........ Well, whatever it may be. i know very well that women dressing the way society expects them to SUCKS, esp if you have personal ties to it, but you have to realize the issue isnt femininity, but misogyny.
#maybe ill delete this later idk but i just felt like i needed to say something#as i constantly see these things being spoken of yet never do these people actually reach out to femstarries#and ask Hey why are you doing this?#so instead they make bad faith assumptions and it really sucks.#and while im here;#trans hcs count as genderbends. Because you have changed the characters gender#*IF the org chara is a cisman and you make them a trans woman i should add#once again Stop treating trans and cis people as two separate things#if it was a cisbend itd be CALLED CISBEND#and the reason i tag genderbend is because i know some people dont like it#and thats valid!!! no one is forced to like this kind of stuff!!!#and some people who dont like genderbends might be new to enstars and dont know what femstars is#so should it not still be tagged for those people too?#should we not look out for the trans people who dont wish to see their favs be a different gender???#i dont get it. i really dont#this post probably wont even reach the right audience but wtv#nat rambles#nats enst posting
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Does anyone else feel a debilitating fear of getting better? Is this normal? Does it secretly prove I'm just faking everything for attention? Probably tbh
#cicadas vent tag#likr#i was looking at my knee would and realised it was getting kinda better#and felt almost . disappointed and afraid#and with mental illness the feeling is rven worse#like of course i want to get better!!! obviously!!!#but i feel almost sad when i realized i havent had a suicidal thought in a while#but tbh#the fear of never getting better is also terrifying#it must be so annoying to watch me hate myself and hurt myself over and over again and not get any better#but the idea of getting better is scary too#yknow?#its all terrifying#maybe the only non scary reality is one where i isolate myself from all of my friends forever#but that just makes me sad#ok this feels kind of all over the place but . idk its a very all over the place kind of feeling#delete later#ok this one is getting taken out of the drafts early cuz i just refused my parents offer to wash my knee#and one od my thoughts was 'what if it stops hurting'#im fucked up like deeply i think#btw im doing fine now im so cozy just . yeah
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i dont usually post random snippets like this but everyone PLS listen to chii she is adorable 🥺🐟
#my video lol#openutau#choubi chii#gekiyaku#kazehiki#cause they're here too. IG. 🙄#i might delete this later idk. i do this a lot with my sillies i just listen to them sing random files i have saved lol 😭#and yes this is the same ust i used for genbu's conchita cover lmao. funny joke about goldfish being opportunistic feeders idk#i had downloaded chii months earlier but only just properly installed her recently lmao. AND UEEE FISH GIRL 🥺🐟#i literally never see anyone talk abt her and like fair sure cause kuzutokaze's other utaus are more famous and she only came out in 2020#i might be biased bc i love aquatic creature theme but SHES CUTEE cmon pls i wish more people noticed her...#i do wanna do stuff w/ her at some point but problem is i have no ideas lmao :') i need to keep testing#also this is what some stuff sounds like with absolutely 0 mixing or proper rendering stuff (in this case the shitty default resampler LOL)#not good tbh. but good enough to give me serotonin when i am depresseddd. sing for me little goobers#the default resampler doesnt do her complete justice im sure and one day maybe ill do smthn better w/ her (to the best of my ability)
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I'm gonna get salty
So I finally got to playing the game (more like watching my sister play cuz my computer is too ass to run it without 5 billion lag) and like
It's so fucking neat??? And yet I've just seen post after post of everyone being angry and dissappointed about it??
Idk it's getting to a point where it's genuinly disheartening how negative people in this fandom have been in the last few years, even if they have a point. I've been wanting to say something all this time, but didn't cuz I thought maybe it would pass.
I've pretty much never been disappointed with Bendy content, ever. Like, I think it's just getting better, BatDR was so worth the wait, and Secrets has me even more excited for what's coming next.
I don't think they're without flaw, obviously, that'd just be naive of me. I don't care for Mike, and I think they'd benefit greatly from sitting down and working out what their story actually is, but idk I still think everything they've made is FUN. I love Bendy, and even if I'm not exactly in the fandom anymore, I'll always love it.
Idk if there's any point to what I'm saying, maybe I'm just stupidly easy to please, but Bendy just means a lot to me, and the things people have been saying about it, even if correct, just hurt.
I want to be able to enjoy Bendy without feeling like I shouldn't.
#abrambles#bendy spoilers#bendy secrets of the machine#bsotm#this isnt targetted toward anyone in particular ive just been seeing a good handful of people saying this#idk maybe ill delete this later
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