#maybe if they knew me better I would've been a bad influence or something. the whole reason I never brought it up even when we were talking

[awholefuckinglifetimeofthis]

my best friend recently broke up with their partner, who was someone I really admired in a way I very rarely do, and (almost more importantly) they were also the only person I've ever been close to who's also been addicted to opioids (though they've been clean for a while now). and obviously I'm sticking by my friend no matter what, there are few if any relationships I have that I'd choose over theirs, but I still feel very bittersweet over the whole thing

[kazumiwrites-fanfiction]

Accidental Confessions

REQUEST: I FINALLY THOUGHT OF MY REQUEST May I request Azul, Jade and Riddle getting high because of mushrooms for some unknown reason and confessing to a gn reader bc their ability to stay composed just went completely out the window? It's more of a fluff/crack idea I came up with, sorry if it's not too clear @thehollowwriter

SUMMARY: When the usually cool and composed guys accidentally confess due to... Some interesting foods. WORD COUNT: 1.3k

WARNINGS: Mushrooms (need I say anything else), maybe OOC, Jade and Floyd and Azul shenanigans, they may act like they're under the influence of drugs (no actual drugs in the story though!!), these poor guys (please give them hugs), Ace is chaos A/N: Me, trying to make sure I get everything right: *types in Google* "what happens when you get high" on my school computer Don't do drugs guys :D (I would've said kids but I'm like 96% sure that most of the people reading my fics are in fact older than me) I love how I finished this a while ago and then was like "I'm gonna add a bit more to the end" and it was only like a paragraph- Azul is my favorite, you can see from how much I write for him </3 Also I love fluff and crack, I enjoy writing it the most! Feel free to send more requests like these <3

© kazumiwrites - All rights reserved; please do not steal, edit, copy, repost (etc) my work without my express permission.

Azul Ashengrotto

You know, Azul should have known better.

Jade always went out and got some mushrooms on his hikes, and he seemed pretty confident that he knew the different types of mushrooms.

But one single mistake - a mushroom similar enough to a perfectly fine edible one - and now he felt woozy.

Great.

It wasn't an unpleasant experience - he felt happy in that dreamy way, where you weren't able to comprehend much. But he knew this was bad.

What if he got addicted? That would ruin all his plans for his future. He needed to have a clear head.

He really should've been resting, but unfortunately, Floyd had ran off (most likely so he didn't have to be near the mushrooms). Due to that, Mostro Lounge needed an extra pair of hands.

So when he saw you, he immediately was on guard as much as he could be. Who knows what he could let slip when you were so close, and his thinking wasn't at its best…

He tried to avoid you, but unfortunately (again? Why were so many bad things happening to him today?) you sat at the table closest to him.

He had to go up to you and take your order. Your sweet smile almost made him melt, a soft flush on his cheeks as he just nodded quietly, jotting your order down.

You thought it was odd - Azul was usually the type to chat people up, try to get as much of a profit in as possible - but today was different. It made you a bit worried, honestly.

As you asked if he was all right, Azul's eyes widened.

His mind went blank, and the only words that left his lips were, "Sorry, you were just really cute, and I-" He froze as he realized the words he said, trying to backtrack, but he couldn't think right. "I mean, I just thought your smile was- you- I-" He shook his head slightly. "Forget it," he said, hands shaking slightly out of embarrassment as he turned and walked away.

As Jade had been watching and listening to the interaction, he quickly made your order before handing it to Azul (who had been hoping for some rest behind the counter before seeing you). Jade was saying something about how Azul really needed to be quicker with processing orders - Azul was pretty sure that Jade knew about his feelings toward the Prefect of Ramshackle Dorm.

Azul sighed softly before trudging back to you, the food and drink you ordered held in a tray. "There you go."

As you inquired about what his previous words had been about, he saw the teasing glint in your eyes.

Did you know?

"It was nothing- I just like you a-" A slip of the tongue. Damn it. He hadn't meant to say that. He quickly backed away before almost sprinting to the VIP Room, his cheeks flushed a bright red. He almost ran into the doorframe though (which Jade may or may not have taken a picture of).

Bonus:

"I told you that Azul likes you a lot." Jade smiled, a small glint of his teeth showing. "Did you plan this?" "Jade might've given Azul an unusual mushroom~" That sing-songy voice had to be Floyd's. "I knew it." You rolled your eyes a little. "That was cute, though. Although your method might have been a little mean. Poor Azul." "You can go talk to him after you enjoy your meal." Jade smiled at you. "And Floyd, you haven't had anything to eat. Perhaps you would like one of the mushroom soups I've made?" "No- I've had enough of your mushrooms." A soft whine came out of the other tweel's lips. "But maybe Koebi-chan wants some?" "Thanks for the offer, but I probably should go to Azul as soon as possible." You laughed softly. "There's no telling what's happening to him right now, after all."

Jade Leech

Jade had a heavy mishap on his hands. He had gone a bit overboard with picking his mushrooms, and then Floyd had gone and messed with his careful labeling.

And then he didn't check the contents and labels thoroughly before he put them into a little snack for himself.

So now here he was, stumbling to Ramshackle Dorm for no reason in particular.

It was a wonder how he hadn't stumbled off the path, what with the hallucinations he was seeing.

He stumbled inside (luckily the door wasn't locked), quickly moving to your room.

At first you thought he was Floyd due to how off he was acting. But nope, that was definitely Jade.

"Jade?" Your eyes were wide as you stared at the male. "What are you doing here?"

"I love youuuuu." Well, that was a surprise.

Now you were really wondering if this wasn't Floyd. It sounded like something he would say.

As the tall male draped himself over you, you awkwardly tried to get both of you comfortable on the small chair. It was no use, however, as you toppled off of your chair and onto the ground.

You let out a soft huff, staring up at Jade who had fallen on top of you. How fun…

He seemed to have fallen asleep, relaxed on top of you. Well, at least he didn't seem to have gotten hurt.

You awkwardly patted his hair as you gave up trying to move. The floor was uncomfortable… But you could bear it, you didn't want to stop looking at Jade's sleeping face.

Riddle Rosehearts

Ace, the prankster he was, had put in an insane amount of sugar in some cookies he was making. He had then given the cookies to Riddle.

The unsuspecting Riddle had accepted the cookies, feeling a bit confused. Why was Ace making cookies…? No matter.

He was starting to eat some of the cookies when you had been brought to the Heartslabyul dorm (totally not by force).

You were also confused, and for good reason. Ace was saying something about pranking his housewarden, but to be honest? What reason did he have for calling you here?

You were pretty sure it was just so Ace didn't get punished. He didn't want to keep getting in trouble, after all. Though, the rational thought would be to not prank Riddle at all… But oh well.

"Hey, Riddle," you said, feeling a bit uncertain. You smiled a little at the male.

"Oh- hi, kantokusei." The red-haired male blinked at you, looking confused.

"Yeah, so- Ace dragged me here? I don't really know why, but-"

He paused for a heartbeat before replying. "I don't know why he brought you here either." He sighed softly, shaking his head.

"Well…" You shrugged awkwardly. "Are those cookies any good?" You gestured vaguely towards the plate in front of him.

"They're too sweet." Riddle frowned a little. "Ace has no delicacy in doing these things, he thinks more is always better."

You let out a soft laugh. "Sounds like him." Just as you reached for a cookie, his hand brushed past yours.

He froze, cheeks flushing adorably. All the sugar in his system was making his heart race and not be focused on what he was thinking.

Before he could even question it, he grabbed your hands. "…I like you a lot." he got out before freezing yet again, hands still holding yours. Why had he said that?

Little did either of you know, Ace was wheezing behind the closed door. He had put in a small little potion, nothing major, that caused a person to say what they felt to the person they liked. He had gotten it from Azul, and it clearly had worked.

The deal had been worth it to get blackmail on his housewarden. Now, if only he could somehow use this to get rid of Riddle as housewarden and all of his strict rules… That would be great. Maybe he could even actually win?

As always, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! ♡ Send your thoughts grr

This post has details for requesting, and I also currently have a writing event going on here. Please check it out!

[running-with-kn1ves]

You reblogging that werecat gf getting dommed post makes me drool thinking of werewolf edira fucking her werecat gf/employee/darling to submission

If you have time, could you write it out for the sapphics who need more female yanderes on tumblr🥺

I physically couldn't NOT write this!! I've been having trouble writing lately so it's pretty self-indulgent but I hope it's good enough for my edira lovers 🙏 everybody thank @werecreature-addicted for the werecat/werewolf inspo juice

CW: NSFW, fem! Werecat reader, werewolf Edira, sexual content literally just a nsfw gay drabble

Hm, Oh look-- The pretty kitty's nose got stuck where it doesn't belong."

Her flat tone lacked any surprise- almost sounding pleasantly expected.

Snooping into your bosses locked file drawers was never something you thought you'd do. It's too bad she stole your phone for "insubordination", claiming you could have it back at the end of the day if you kept your attitude as her obedient secretary. Not the mouthy employee who cares about trivial things such as "privacy," and "the right to communicate with coworkers on things besides work."

It only took you 20 minutes after your lunch break to start the undercover search for what she had stolen. You didn't trust your obsessive, erratic predator of a boss to not go through your belongings.

It was like she resented you, the "cat stench" you wafted in along with her coffee, or the pieces of fur and hair she found on the occasional set of new copies. As if she didn't shed enough for two, her office needing to be lint-rolled every Tuesday and vacuumed from top to bottom by the end of Friday. Her stress made her that much more irritated and finicky, leaving your allergies to fester and her anger at your small mistakes increase tenfold.

You should've known her lunch break wouldn't be an entire hour like scheduled; workaholics and possessive bosses don't let their underlings rest for too long.

Maybe this would've happened whether or not you were snooping, maybe she would've reprimanded you no matter where she found you... but her glare, the harshness in her claws and the way her usually alert, pointed ears were flat-- it made her look all the more menacing.

"Such a dutiful mouth, from an insignificant creature... so weak, barely able to lift your head."

She snarled with a rough, guttural growl echoing from the back of her throat.

"Ed..ir..thag--"

You choked out broken sobs from behind sensitive cuspids, two fingers rhythmically pulsing against your tongue, two more from your bosses opposite hand, inside of you. How many orgasms, how many screams did you bite down on her fingers to silence?

Did it matter, now that the building was empty and her office door was wide open? These were the consequences, apparently, for trying to text back a friend or a family member... you couldn't remember anymore. Maybe you were just trying to see the update your favorite influencer threw out. But it never mattered, not when edira nipped at your ears, leaning deeper from behind as her fingers worked magic in defiling your mouth and pretty pussy.

"I knew werecats were a devious breed...hm, not very resilient though--are you?" She pulled two fingers out of your cunt, tugging at the base of your wildly flicking tail.

Yowling from behind her digits in your mouth, you gripped at the slippery layer of wood beneath you. She pulled your tail forward, your ass sticking up as your mouth was suddenly sucking on air, missing her fingers as they slide back to hold your thigh.

"You should know better than to come to work in your heat, sneaking into my office, shoving your chest up against my desk--ngh, less composed than the wolves I know. "

Your heat? You hadn't felt thar burning sensation in your lower stomach for months. It wasn't season quite yet-- but for werewolves...

Over shedding, her irritation, calling you into her office every 5 minutes, continuously out of breath-- who's heat was happening again?

You didn't have time to contemplate any further, claws once ripping at your tail now digging into your stomach as her free hand was pulling your hands back. They were your only source at staying somewhat stable on the mahogany desk. She ripped the short, but cutthroat nails of your stubby fingers backwards as one hand held two of your wrists together, your head falling to hit against forgotten paperwork. Across from you, her laptop remained open, an email draft sitting as the computer timer counted to shut down from lack of use.

"Please, miss Edir-ah--!" You clench around her fingers as they slide back in, playing with your slick as she grinds against the corner of the desk. the way your tail tries to cover up your sensitive hole makes her laugh, giving a small pinch to your ass.

"Pet pet... mph, you're making me burn-- it's all your fault... I have to take you home,"

A small kiss to your cunt made your walls flitter. You can't help but arch your back involuntarily, imagining yourself in your bosses home, in her bed-- her fangs pressed deep into your neck and her fuzzy tail wagging with delight.

You could feel her drool down against her fingers, pushing inside of you with a playful rhythm.

"Werecats deserve to be used like the weaklings they are-- and you, my darling are no different." You felt the shake of the desk as she rutted against it, a long tongue reaching where Ediras fingers couldn't. "Need me to help you through your heat, huh? Gonna take your punishment like a good kitty?"

If you weren't going through your heat, you were facing something akin to it now. But between the two of you-- your hot-headed boss was far more worked up, salivating at the smell of you, nearly finishing on her desk at the sensation of you on her fingers.

The lights by your cubicle were beginning to shut off, one by one. You prayed the janitorial crew would avoid this side of the office, for now. Hopefully, they won't question the mystery mess left upon Edira's desk...

[verdemoun]

Don't know if you've already talked about bill but how is he coping with modern times? I always imagined a modern bill becoming a car mechanic, or something adjacent, maybe even becoming a small influencer where he posts abt trucks and such (and also his dog. I just know that man gets a dog in any type of modern au)

i have not spoken about bill because bill as a character just makes me so sad fam like was he doomed to be the power hungry bastard of toxic masculinity we see in rdr1 or did the events of rdr2 actively make him that way why was everyone so mean to him like you can see the way people treats him chipping away at him it makes me want to scream but back to timewarp au

therapy. my otp is bill and therapy. man needs anger management and to unpack that emotional baggage. it would take a while but once bill made the connection sometimes when he feels angry and acts out he's actually feeling sad/upset he'd start to develop as a person really quickly.

he would be so conflicted about seeing the gang again. why does no one talk about what happened to bill in the gap between rdr1 and 2?? dutch fucking left him behind bill would've followed dutch to the ends of the earth and been the perfect obedient loyal son he always wanted and dutch just threw him away because hunting down arthur and john for betraying him was more important!!

the new main gang would've picked him up because they knew he was going to be timewarped but it would be so uncomfortable.

poor kieran would've been so terrified he had to stay with annabelle and grimshaw until bill left. he usually regresses a little whenever someone timewarps because he has obvious reason to be nervous about the gang but it would've been a full breakdown just knowing bill was coming back. bill would've felt bad about it too because he never made the connection between how the gang's teasing made him feel vs what his bullying was doing to kieran.

the rest of the gang would've gone straight back to teasing bill because that was the dynamic last time they were all together. he would've hated it and lashed out a lot. he became something after they died they better respect it but of course they just don't. bill would've barely understood modern era before he bounced.

happy stuff now i promise. he ended up hitchhiking for a bit and learning about the modern world from truckers. he would love going to bars and truck stops and dodgy mom and pop diners along the highway.

he ends up getting a job on a ranch (ironically the modern day MacFarlane which became a massive multimillion dollar operation) and still gets to ride horses almost every day. he picks up herding super quickly and gets all the validation and care he deserves. the owners love him and are really supportive and patient when it comes to dealing with his temper.

he gets a little power trip out of learning to drive the semi-truck and unlike most of the hands is always super excited and happy to go on cross-country road trips delivering things to processing facilities. his favorite thing though would be the combine harvester he will work 14 hour shifts without complaint harvesting grain.

bill loves dogs almost more than he loves his horses he cannot drive past a sign that says puppies for sale without at least stopping to look. this habit has resulted in him having five dogs and they are his new gang. his first dog was a stray he picked up on the side of the road it's a wire-haired gundog mutt just called Mutt. he also has two cattle dogs (Clem and Roanoke), a long hair shepherd called Mercer and finally a catahoula called Abel. they are all working dogs and he does not go anywhere without all of them. they all sleep on his bed and are just as happy to go on cross country road trips in the semi as he is.

he can control all of them with a whistle or non verbal commands and they are insanely well trained. Micah fucking hates him sure Baymax can bark and growl and look scary on command but the second one of Bill's dogs curls up its lips Baymax is hiding behind Micah terrified and Bill is so fucking smug about it.

through therapy and having his ideals challenged bill starts making an effort to be less racist and sexist and actually confronting some of the gang about the way they treated him in 1899 and mending those relationships because look yeah he went off the deep end after the VDLs but he does still care about them and wants to have good relationships with them he's just got to work through a lot of issues go bill i believe in you

and most importantly he finally got over the internalized homophobia and admitted to himself he's a bit/lot gay. he's not wearing beads at pride levels of comfortable with it yet but he is a classic bear who will protect the gaybies from violence with violence.

it's like a many, many years slow burn but him and alden get together because charlybird's art is one of the only reasons i gave bill a chance as a character and i am a better person for it

[xsoulxsilencex]

There is almost something funny in seeing how most people on tumblr are really upset about what Yuamu and Yuga are doing and then I check other places where people are actually happy about what's going on?

One side is angry at Yuga, hates Yuamu's decision, call it bad writing, nonsensical etc. while the other side says stuff like "girl boss Yuamu", "Go Rush is cooking/peak" and "this is what Yuamu's character needed".

Ngl, I'm somewhat in the middle:

I really wouldn't call the recent events as "peak fiction" and I still feel like this is a weird way to involve Yuamu in the arc final + potentially explaining why she's not on the season 3 poster. I don't buy her being Otes at all. At least not the one we saw in Sevens. I don't even really see what would be so great about her being Otes? Like is it only cool because a girl could potentially be the previous show's central antagonist? Also Yuamu empathising with Yuga could've been done better imo. Just saying that the ep where they landed in Goha City as cats was like the "starting point" for her feels random and not really like it was built up properly. At least to me. Also not sure how people seem to easily forget/forgive Yuamu's irrelevance over the season just for what she's doing now. The writers do nothing with her until now and suddenly she's cool again because she sides with Yuga?

But I will also say that I don't hate Yuga for doing what he does. I mean, Yuga experienced what bad shit Monster Reborn caused in his time. He doesn't want a repetition of that. And I think for us it's easy to say "well, screw the future kids, the Velgearians matter more" since they don't exist in GR. They aren't characters we saw interacting with Yudias and co. We got to know the Velgearians so their deaths hit us harder and we want them back since what happened to them was just not fair. But it's not like Yuga is happy about letting the Velgerians stay dead. He would've gladly helped reviving the Velgearians if he knew a way that doesn't involve the use of Monster Reborn. After all, why would he have helped Yudias, given him a deck and duel disk and even dueled at his side if he didn't care at all? Even Yudias and co. don't think he's just evil by doing what he does rn. And well, Yuga is just 13. A 13yo saying he will become the enemy just to save the future is kinda crazy. Yuga actually cares a lot up to the point he wants to solve everything on his own so others don't suffer/get hurt. That's how he was in Sevens too. And ngl, that annoyed me a little even back then. (Luke called him out for that once too) He means well but needs to understand that it's okay to take help. Btw: I've seen people angry at Yuga and Yuamu only caring for the kids and implying that adults are bad? Tbh, I don't think they really believe that since in both, Sevens and Go Rush, we had some adults playing Rush Duel and having fun with it. I think it's more about adults influencing the game so much up to the point it's only fun for them but not the kids anymore. So when Yuga wants dueling back in the hands of children, he probably means that they should have fun too and not just the adults. Maybe he and Yuamu could've phrased it better but I never took it as "kids are cool, adults are evil so RD should just be played by kids".

I still believe that in the end, both the future and the Velgearians can be saved so I don't feel like arguing with any side here. Both make points I can understand but I also feel like some get either over emotional or just blindly call everything awesome.

[mywingsareonwheels]

It's funny how much interpretations can vary. I saw another post where someone felt Lewis was too soft on Thursday by showing us what happened and therefore making us know that how it played out wasn't quite as bad as what Morse was probably imagining.

Although I disagree with you re: Thursday, I sympathize with the mixed feelings. I think there's a few factors with Endeavour which will influence how you feel about it. There's people who will know Morse through the books, people who know him from Inspector Morse, and then fans like me who were introduced to him as the young man in Endeavour. Fans of each of these versions seem to have wanted different things, and I reckon the problem Lewis ran into was trying to make everybody happy.

Like me for instance, I honestly feel he would've been better off pretending Inspector Morse didn't exist because then he wouldn't have been limited to twisting the story towards it and could take Morse and the other characters in a more organic direction. Endeavour might be a prequel, but it was made in such a different era of television, and I think it's ok for it to do something new. However, fans of Inspector Morse hoping to see how he became his older self would be disappointed if he did that. While watching the series I read old reviews from when each season aired and was surprised by the number of people impatient for the Thursday plotline to end to make way for McNutt. Then you have someone like Shaun Evans who read the books but didn't see the show, and that's perhaps why his interpretation of Morse and his future was darker.

At the same time that openness of how the character can be perceived is part of the joy and does allow you to get more out of what the ending means.

I actually really liked what they did with Thursday and how they connected it to Big Pete because I felt it went along with the recurring theme throughout the series that no matter how much these characters want to do good, as policemen they are still part of a messed up system causing harm, and they're not immune to protecting their own over doing what's right for the public they serve. That includes Morse. The whole tragedy of Big Pete and Blenheim Vale is an indictment of the police and remains so.

My takeaway regarding the Morse/Thursday ending is that it wasn't so much about Thursday being a bad person and Morse regretting the relationship because of it, as it was him being confronted with the reality that he had put him on a pedestal. He needed to let go of his naivety. I don't agree with the above point that Lewis was too soft on Thursday, but I do find it interesting that there is a distinction between Morse's perspective and ours. We saw parts of Thursday he didn't and we saw parts of Morse which Thursday didn't. They never truly knew each other because of being suppressed 20th century British men, and maybe that's the real tragedy of Endeavour.

Nonetheless, Morse still credits him with being the best mentor and loves him enough to protect him and his family. I think that's why he ultimately feels he has to close himself up. Because getting too close to the Thursdays put him in a position where he had to compromise his principles and couldn't get justice for Jakes, Big Pete, and the others. THAT'S what really hurt him imo. I also feel like the connection to Inspector Morse can work in that IM is him opening himself back up and Lewis bringing back a side of him which had been missing. I like the idea of Morse being a character constantly learning and changing.

Sorry, I didn't mean for this to turn into a whole essay. lmao

Hee, never apologies for writing a thoughtful essay about "Endeavour". :D

And yeah, as you say you and I don't fully agree about the show (esp. Thursday) but I found your thoughts so interesting and I really enjoyed reading them! Thank you. :)

Also that's a darn good point about Shaun. I've only read a couple of the books and I've seen I think about 1/3 of Inspector Morse (I mean, I watched a bit when I was a kid (I was 9 when it first started) but never got into it fully until I'd seen Endeavour and am meaning to catch up on more v soon), and Thaw's Morse is definitely different from Dexter's original Morse. So... yeah, it makes sense that Shaun had a different trajectory from the one I'm more familiar with. :) (And, well, then you have Roger who likes to play as much drama and emotional intensity as possible, so... ;-) )

Morse constantly learning and changing: yes, definitely. I like that. :D

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for singlehandedly ruining my brother's life with my complacency?

For context, I (20NB) was frequently psychologically tormented by an entity that takes the form of a forest/state park near my town (no clue how old it is or if it has a gender) for a few years when I was a teenager, and once it had eroded my humanity enough it turned me into an extension of its power. It let me keep my free will, if you choose to believe in things like that, so when I was eighteen I fled to a different state under the guise of going to college, hoping that distancing myself would weaken the entity's grip on me. It didn't, but at least I was 600 miles away from it now, and I made sure to keep myself isolated from everyone else at college so I couldn't hurt them.

Fast-forward to last January. After two years at college, I found out about a kind of... medication, we'll call it, that I thought would loosen the entity's grip on me. The medicine functions by fogging over your memories of supernatural things existing, inducing a sort of... weaponized executive dysfunction, for lack of a better phrase? Anyway, that stops you from acting on your knowledge, which exploits the fact that these sorts of entities don't care about much other than how people who know they exist choose to act on this information- so, if you're physically unable to act on your knowledge they exist (which you barely remember anyway), they can't affect you. After giving the medication a trial run, I went back to my hometown to visit my brother N (17M).

Since I'm not all that human anymore, I found out early on that the entity retained its hold on me and was able to pull me back towards the state park even when I was medicated, but it never did anything once it'd got me there, so I got cocky and figured it must not be capable of affecting me past that. Plus, the entity had never done anything to anyone but me before, at least not that I knew of, so I'd spent years figuring I was its only victim and getting complacent because of that... and if it did finally kill me one of those times, I honestly think I would've welcomed it. Things were fine at first, though the entity somehow managed to break down the medication's effects once or twice, and I got to feel like a normal person again for the first time since middle school. But after a few weeks, the entity broke through the medicine's effects again and revealed to me that its real target had been N the whole time. That was why it kept pulling me back to the state park while the medicine was preventing me from consciously realizing what a bad idea that was: it wanted to get ahold of N, who I'd been bringing with me the whole time like an idiot because I still thought I was the entity's sole target. To make matters worse, when it told me this it was referring to N with the same kind of title it'd given me, which I knew it wouldn't have done if it wasn't absolutely sure I wouldn't be able to remove its influence from him.

I panicked and rushed N back to his car, which was when I had the idea that maybe if I overdosed him on the medication I'd been using, he'd go from mere brain fog to outright amnesia. I was still panicking and didn't take the time to think that idea through, so I just tackled N, shoved a bunch of my pills down his throat, and ran. I was too afraid of what I might see if I stuck around to make sure he was okay long-term (I guess it was kind of a Schrodinger's cat mentality or something?), so I went back to college and tried to pretend none of it happened. I did keep an eye on the news from our town and didn't see anything alarming, and that was enough that I could lie to myself that maybe N was miraculously fine.

N did end up forgetting the time I'd spent back in our hometown as planned, but I forgot to account for the fact that he'd been recording videos during almost all of the times we went to the state park, wanting to use them as B-roll for a film class project. He didn't even make it a month before finding those recordings on his camera and starting to piece things together on his own, during which his mental health and personal life started falling apart for obvious reasons. (He also started getting intermittently stalked by an unrelated entity during this time, but it's more a pest than anything else, I've already got plans for disposing of it.) Once I found out about all this, I came back to our hometown to clear things up for N, especially making sure he was aware that all of it was my fault: I wasn't about to pretend I'd been controlled by the entity the whole time or something, he deserved the whole truth. I'm pretty sure he's only tolerating my presence now because he needs my knowledge about how supernatural things work. It hurts, but it's not like I was expecting him to take it well, so I'm not planning to stick around once I've made sure he knows everything he needs to.

That's everything important. The answer seems pretty obvious, if you ask me, but... AITA?

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 4x06 Starship Down thoughts (I’m re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!)

[29 June '23]

Dax and Kira both rolling their eyes at Worf's "this is unacceptable" grumbles - same, ladies

"I'm fasting." Oh, interesting! Love an unexpected tidbit of Bajoran culture

"It's the anniversary of the Emissary's arrival." Oh

"Benjamin's never been one for ceremonies..." you don't say XD

Dax and Kira working side by side so much :3

"I made the mistake of letting my brother Rom execute these contracts." Rom is always the scapegoat, oh Quark. At least you're consistent XD

OH, THIS IS THE ONE WHERE THEY HAVE TO DISPOSE A BOMB!

"You cheated me, Quark, and you haven't even have the courage to admit it." Nice, I like this guy

I remember very little of this, actually! It's always fun to come into an episode not remembering much

"How long?" "Twenty minutes." "You've got ten." O'Brien's sigh... he sure does Have A Job

Julian pushing doors open like he's strong or something :P

Ohhhh, Sisko will think Dax and Bashir are dead 💔

"She did it." Oh, Kira's complete strickenness is heartbreaking

Quark's still trying to scheme... Of course

I can never see Quark's pink blue and white suit as anything but his trans pride suit XD

The fact Kira's eyes are still wet and Sisko is still so quiet and cut off. My heart.

"Something tells me they may be closer than you think." Good instincts! Only a little too late!

"Save your breath. I don't think there's anybody left alive up there." Gosh, this episode is hitting everyone hard.

I keep remembering what happens incrementally - now Kira's gonna keep Sisko alive by talking, right?

"It's very important that you listen to me, because there's gonna be a test later." Oh dear, Kira, you're doing your best and I love that this is your best <3

"Remind me to hold my breath next time." XD

"Is there anything else I should know?" "We only have a few hours of breathable air." "Thanks, anyway." XD Oh dear

"A year ago if you'd have done something like this, I would've thought you were just trying to be a hero." "And now?" "Now that I know you better I realise it was just a really stupid thing to do." I love these two so muchhhh. Her joke and his chuckle <3 <3 <3

Is Quark actually going to convince this guy to be more ferengi-like?

"They are not laid out properly." WORFFFFFFF. This is an emergency, things don't have to be perfect, just functional!!

Miles' uneasy look of I hope he doesn't say anything too bad that completely pisses off and disrespects my engineers

"What am I doing?" Oh, Kira <3

"Nerys?" !! I haven't got this far in my spreadsheet-data, but this is possibly the first time Sisko calls her by name??

And she responds "Yes, sir?" Going more formal the more informal he is!

The Federation mindset had so rubbed off on Quark - "It's up to us." Of course this is partly distrust that anyone will come and save them - but I think he's been influenced by hero-mindedness too

"If you don't mind my saying, Julian, that's a very strange fantasy." XD

Jadzia Julian friendship is the world to me tbh

Okay, I wasn't expecting Worf to actually take Miles' advice on board. Good for him!

"This can't happen. You can't die!" Oh, Kira. 

"I'm going to pray because I don't know what else to do." oh kira. Oh, Kira. This moment is so precious to me, I can't explain why. 

Oh boy, how is there SO MUCH going on in this episode that I had completely forgotten the Quark disabling a torpedo thing??

"I thought you said you never sold substandard merchandise. THis was supposed to explode on impact, wasn't it?" "Maybe I should offer them a refund." XD XD incredible

Their hysterical laughter to avoid thinking about their fear

"You just have to reach in.... and pick one!" JEEEEEZ QUARK WOW I KNEW IT WANT GONNA BLOW BUT STILL THAT WAS TERRIFYING

"Come on, Hanok. What do you say? You want to keep playing?" That was so flirty of you, Quark

The engineer's startlement at the bomb XD

"Just because one loses a bet, doesn't mean one gives up the game." Again, this was kinda flirty, no?

Odos pleased hm at Quark losing XD

What is wrong with Julian? "It's been nice.. talking... to you." That was not a human way of speaking 😅

"Thank you for rescuing me." "Now we're even." The second he takes to process that and then his outraged face! 

"Proceed at your discretion, Mr Stevens." Okay, this is nice :3 Worf gets character growth!

"Oh, you can do it in twelve." O'Brien dishing out the treatment he usually gets XD

SISKO'S GONNA ASK KIRA TO A BASEBALL GAME

AAAAH HIS HAPPY SMILE

HER HAPPY SMILE

THIS IS THE CUTEST

"NERYS" AGAIN!

I LOVE THAT HE JUST HAS SPARE HATS IN HIS OFFICE

FFFFFF SO CUTE SO CUTE I CANNOT

Okay, how on EARTH had I forgotten that episode so much??? It's incredible!!!!

[m34gs]

Ranking the Saw VI victims based on how sorry I felt for them...

...because why not. This is 100% subjective and 1000% unprompted.

Saw VI spoilers, and Saw-appropriate levels of carnage discussion ahead.

Hank the Janitor comes in at number one because I felt so bad for him. Dude didn't stand a chance, and all he did was clean the office and mop floors at the insurance company. I get that the purpose was for Mr. Executive of the company to learn how bullshit and stupid his "formula" for insurance eligibility/coverage is, but I also hated how that trap pitted them against each other, unlike the other scenarios in the movie. I mean, I feel like partly it was just bad luck for the custodian. If he'd been swapped with the secretary, would he have been allowed to live and would she have died? Because there's no way William is going to die for someone, even if he does come to realize how cruel his "formula" is.

Tara and Brent are tied for second place. I know they technically weren't victims of the trap in that they were not forced to do tests and were not harmed, but I think being trapped in a cage for hours watching one man work through various traps where at least one person always died would be traumatizing enough on its own. Then, to find out the man you were watching the entire time is the reason your husband/father is not still alive? That's some emotional damage. I also think Brent is gonna have need some serious therapy because I don't think he was prepared for how gruesome William's death would be when he made the choice to pull that lever.

Addy the secretary. Again, this was another person who was just doing her job. She wasn't the one making decisions, she probably didn't even fully understand William's formula. Most places that deal with sensitive information such as health care or finances operate on a "need to know" basis. You only get the knowledge you need to do your job. She did survive, which is why she's lower than Hank on this list, but she's gotta be traumatized as fuck (I was thrilled to see her in the support group in Saw VII, felt like some good world-building).

Allen is next. Lower than Addy but not by much. I felt sorry for him because he was alone. He had no one to even miss him when he died and that hurts to think about. Also, I did appreciate how William tried hard to save them both and only gave in when he realized that if he didn't choose between them, he would save neither of them. It was a shitty situation all around. Also a barbed wire noose is fucked up.

Pamela comes in at 5. I don't like her. I think she's annoying as fuck and I hate how she acts through the entire movie. But it's a bit sickening to think she was forced to watch her brother's (William) body get eaten away and split in two by acid while he was still alive and screaming. Like, that's just brutal, and whether or not I hate her I think that is just something so horrible to make her watch. I honestly think that they could have done the trap without kidnapping her, but adding her to that mix just added another layer of trauma and desperation and horror to the entire scenario.

Debbie the lawyer and the shotgun merry-go-round are tied here. I really didn't feel much sympathy for any of them. Honestly, I felt like they were all rather shitty people in the movie. They all knew the way things were run in the insurance company, they were all in it together and yet they were all ready to throw others under the bus at the first sign of trouble. The only reason I feel a little bad for them is because they were put in the trap to test William, and so it makes me wonder that if it wasn't for him perhaps none of them would have ended up in a trap at all. Maybe they all would've also been better people without his influence on them at work.

William. He's last. I really didn't feel sorry for him and his suffering during the movie. I think it was a big karma moment, based on how he treated his clients. He had the power to make changes and to work for the people instead of basically robbing them, and he didn't. (and yeah, I think if people pay for insurance and then you deny them coverage for treatments they need, that's fucking robbery. They're paying for a service and then the service isn't delivered? Appalling. Disgusting. I hate that it's real, too. It's so unfair.) People were denied life-saving medications and treatments because of him. Their blood is on his hands. Anyway, out of everyone who died or suffered in that trap, he did deserve it the most in my opinion. No sympathy for him from me.

So, yeah. That's my thoughts. My personal list.

[doyouknowwhoyouare13]

since you're awake you can read this

i was obsessed with the idea of steve only deciding to work at family video because reader works next door so there we have it so far

it's in progress and the writing sucks

a little something something

"this whole mind flayer thing seriously fucked up our summer jobs." robin groaned, glaring in the general direction of the mall (or what was left of it).

"i don't even want a job." steve grumbled in response, on the brink of falling asleep. the lethargic atmosphere of the afternoon sun filtering in through robin's bedroom window already had him drowsy enough, and aside from that, summer jobs weren't a topic of his interest. he'd only taken up the job at scoops because of his dad, and he was perfectly content to waste away the rest of his summer with robin.

"i was thinking, though," robin continued, oblivious to the fact that steve was halfway into her bedsheets at this point, "maybe we could find jobs at family video. i mean, i used to be close with keith. i could talk to him and maybe we could get jobs there."

"get jobs where?" steve was suddenly wide awake, any influence of the afternoon sun washed away, snapped out of his lazy trance.

"at family video? you know, the dvd place by the coffee place by the general store by the gas station?" robin quipped. "so, like, basically where everything is."

steve ran a hand through his ruffled hair™️ and then looked up at robin with nervous eyes. "oh, yeah. great coffee. real sweet. and good gas, too. for my car. obviously. what else would i use gas for?"

"steve.... is this all a part of the pretty boy dingus package or are you hiding something?" robin looked skeptically down at him, her eyes prying his for information.

"who, me? nah, i'm an open book!" steve replied, far too enthusiastically.

"steve."

"robin."

"steve."

"y/n."

"what?"

"you know y/n, right?" steve sighed, knowing robin would eventually find out anyway. he got off her bed and flopped onto her desk chair.

"yeah, no crap. who doesn't?" robin said. her mind went right to you, the sweetheart of hawkins. the former cheerleader now on her way to college. you had always been nice to her, and robin didn't forget kindness easily.

"well, she, you know, works at the coffee place by family video."

"yeah. i've seen her. what's your point, dingus?"

it never occured immediately to robin that steve might like you. after all, you'd known each other (albeit not very well) since elementary school. he was the golden boy of hawkins, and you were the golden girl. if you'd wanted to get together, by now you would've. right? but you hadn't, even though everyone had expected it, so the town simply assumed it was Platonic™️.

"you can't take a hint this one time?" steve scoffed. robin shrugged, switching positions so that she was now cross-legged on her bed and facing steve. "i like her. i've liked her since the second grade. well, maybe love is the correct term for it. i've loved her since before i even knew what love meant. she's the most beautiful girl i've ever seen. her eyes are brighter than the stars. her smile lights up any room, any bad day. she's kind. she's caring. she's thoughtful. she's real. and that's rare. hell, i've never met a girl like that. she was there for keith when i bullied him. she's not just friendly, she's a friend to everyone. everyone knows i'm a total ass, but she never stopped smiling at me in the hallway, lending me notes, helping me keep up in class, or letting me borrow a pencil. there's no other girl like her. i can't live without her, robin. and--what the fuck are you grinning about?"

"i am grinning, steve harrington, because you have finally shown remarkable taste in women." robin announced.

"what does that even mean?"

"god, you're dense." robin through a pillow at him. "y/n is a good choice. the best choice, actually. it doesn't get better than her." robin moved back to lean against the headboard of the bed. "i think you should just tell her. you two are the king and queen of hawkins, anyway."

"no, fuck no, are you crazy?" steve frowned, thrown off completely by the suggestion.

"why not?" robin asked. "you two are, like, perfect. the whole town thought you were gonna date and even get married at one point, but it never happened. i should have known that cliches always come true. come to think of it, why'd you date every girl in the world except her, anyway?"

"i was trying to find someone.... else. i don't deserve y/n. she knows what i've done. the people i've bullied, the girls i've hurt. i had to avoid her my whole life because i was never good enough for her." the truth was bitter in steve's mouth, and he didn't look at robin as he said it.

"okay, but steve, you're different now. y/n will know. she's not like the shallow, self-obsessed dolls you used to date. you know that."

"it's not about her. it's about me."

"okay, harrington, listen up." robin got up, suddenly motivated by some unseen force. "is she way out of your league? yes. are you definitely not good enough for her? definitely. but, with me by your side, do you maybe stand a chance? probably! so, guess what, dingus? we're getting jobs at family video, and i'm getting you that girl."

"i want you to know that none of that was in the least comforting, especially the part about me not being good enough for her, but i'll take the support." steve nodded affirmatively. "when do we start?"

meanwhile, at the aforementioned coffee place

"hey, y/n," keith aimlessly walked in through the doors of the almost empty cafe. the afternoon's dreary vibe had put everyone off of wanting to drive to get a coffee. it was less work for you, so you didn't mind. "can i just get the usual?"

"yeah, sure!" you said, reaching for a cup to start working on his order. trying to sound casual, you asked, "so, have you heard about starcourt?"

"starcourt?"

"mhm," you said, filling the cup and grabbing a stirrer. "apparently the whole mall.... um, burned down."

"that's rough."

"yeah." after a couple minutes of silence, you piped up again. "y'ou know, robin and steve used to work there before the fire. at the ice cream parlor."

"steve- oh, god, steve harrington?" keith groaned, and when you nodded he said, "i can't stand that idiot."

"keith, he's not that bad." you said defensively, trying not to imply anything specific.

"oh, don't tell me you're one of the harrington girls?"

"me? never."

"good."

you handed him his drink silently and then sighed. you were going to have to say it. "but him and robin are going to need new jobs now. actually, i was thinking about them when i saw the news. maybe if you need help at family video--"

"i'll hire robin. harrington can go live off of daddy's money." keith snapped. he wasn't upset at you, and you knew that. keith and several others had a bad history with steve, and while you understood that, you had sensed the change in him.

you had always had faith in steve harrington. you always knew he was a sweet boy under all of that high and mighty king steve propaganda. robin buckley had changed him, and by so doing had caused you to fall even more deeply in love with him.

"that's not fair, keith. besides, robin won't take the job if you don't let steve join, too." you said truthfully.

"why does steve harrington's future matter so damn much to you, anyway?" keith asked, shaking his hair out of his face. "you can do better than that. actually, i've been meaning to ask you about that date--"

"keith!" you said, frowning. "this is important, okay? steve's dad wants him working."

"so do you, i guess. no girl is immune to the harrington effect." keith shrugged. "but hey, if you won't accept my offer, maybe i can help you figure out this thing with steve. if robin comes asking for jobs, which she will, i'll give them to her. and him. okay?"

"thank you, keith!" you smiled that signature y/n smile and reached across the counter to give him a quick hug. "you're the best!"

I'M NOT EVEN REALLY INTO STRANGER THINGS ANYMORE BUT THAT'S AMAZING I LOVE IT

[zumpietoo]

Final Thoughts....

I simply adore how, if one maths, one can put about ninety billion holes further into this.....AND how, even without <gasp> black people!!! It still manages to be oh-so-racist (and obviously most Poors are, indeed, subhumans who cannot help themselves and thus deserve all badness....unless JD Vance decides otherwise....and particularly wimmins....unless sufficiently submissive enough)....oh yes and elitist, holier than thou hypocrisy from every vantage point...

Racism (shortest part): there are three(!!!) non-white people---Vance's supremely submissive, endlessly acting against her gender's and her own best interests future wife/clerk to Brett Kavanaugh (and, guess what? Don't feel one pity bit of sympathy for her own party being racist against her, either).....

In Vance's childhood, one of his mennnyyyyy step-dads (I think they were married) and step-brothers are Asian (I think Chinese?). The dad is an insensitive clod who makes Vance ditch his dog (a gift from a previous boyfriend) and grows demon weed (implied he's a pusher) and his jerk, "bad influence" son who turns poor, good boy JD onto pot (LBR, stunned it wasn't a fucking opium den in the basement).

The math....it's stated Mamaw and Papaw "fled Kentucky for a better future when she 'became' pregnant at 13"....well, first off, that makes Papaw a PEDOpaw, because eeewww.....and no, it is not excused by "back then and in that part of the country". It's disgusting and she was a child. The film makes it look like they showed up during the post-war (read late 40s/early 50s) boom....it actually would've the late 50's/early 60's). By the time Beverly was knocked up with Lindsay, JD's sister, unions were crumbling....AND previously, a BLUE concept, would've been their best hope out of poverty (and presumably something they relied on....).

I will say, given the revelation that Papaw WAS Pedopaw, we might have an explanation for why Mamaw tried to light him on fire and KILL him, in front of both her little girls...

BUT....it makes it interesting that she's routinely supremely judgmental of everyone she encounters, their faces and drones on endlessly about "keeping the family together", since she's also the teen mom/would be domestic murderess who raised a heroin junkie.....so, really, the whole "she was tough and saved me" narrative, starts to fall apart right there....

Cuz, LBR.....ultimately, the implications here? She, Bev, Lindsay, etc, all failed cuz dumb wimmins can't keep their legs together to understand Jeebus wants ya to be a virgin 'till your weddin' day (and that abstinence only is the ONLY way to prevent this.....especially heelarious from a menny times married, teen mom NURSE in 1997 to her daughter, but what do I know????)....and the entire reason JD "got out" was cuz mens iz stronger than wimmins and thus can bootstrap, but hill wimmins R weaklings....

And, in the case of his future bride, she advanced in life cuz daddy's $$$, which, tho an evvvolll immigrant, knew his place, raised her to be appropriately subservient/submissive and thus she assimilated well into whitey-white culture.

Actually, this DOES make me understand all the Trump bullshit from 2016:

Men are better than wimmins

Wimmins are weak, selfish and irresponsible

And slutty/it's their fault if they get preggers (even if still children)...

Foreigners destroyed 'murricca....

But it's okay to get with one if she's a hot lady who knows when to keep her yap shut/plays geisha to you (regardless of ethic origin).

Oh and, also? Paying for law school? There are loans, particularly for veterans and since Vance purports to be so patriotic, why didn't he want to go to Yale (or another law school) for free, by then joining JAG?

Oh....alsoooo.....Mamaw ate food from Meals on Wheels (funded, on some level, by tax $$$), would have benefited from the caps on prescription drugs for seniors (tho, honestly----she would've only been maybe 55....tho, wait....this https://www.npr.org/2024/07/18/nx-s1-5044620/jd-vance-grandmother-mamaw-rnc really confuses the math.....because this indicates she would've been 27 when Bev was born, so Bev's sister was 14 years her senior??? The math does not add up, here....). Actually, she would've been 64, which, still, the film depicts her as like 85...

AND, interestingly, even Vance admits his grandparents were moar likely blue dog Dems....

[findjackwalten]

what do you think of the white guy from the new update?

for context, this is what we're talking about

I have a lot of thoughts on this development and especially on the implications of the previously untouched idea of "bon". Almost literally all of this is speculation because right now this guy is a picture and a sentance.

I think that the 'white guy' is. "bon". The "bon" we've been hearing about in bits and pieces, another side to Bon, the animatronic. It's pretty obvious Bon always had an internal AI, being a preforming robot with scripted movements and greetings and jokes or whatever else he was doing on the stage. "bon", to me, is that AI. The original script, given form.

As for why he's shown as some random humanoid, I have no clue. I would've preffered it to be a rabbit to closer connect it to the Bon we know, but I'm not mad at it. The featureless look definately is uncanny, if that's what Martin was going for.

I've been rotating it in my head and wondering what the AI's role actually is in the story. I'm jumping to conclusions on this but I'm enjoying the idea of a positive-negative push and pull between the AI and Jack; Not that either really takes on positive or negative- they're concepts past good and bad, emotion and robot. Each serves their purpose, parrallel or paired for a purpose.

I don't think at all that the AI is influenced only by Jack. I've always believed that Bon's AI has a learning algorithm front-and-center. Originally innocent, learning which scripted greetings work better on what groups, what movements are the most pleasing for an audience, what makes people happy or what makes them sad. This algorithm was the original flaw, even unknowingly.

as for the other robots, i'm not sure if each bot has their own AI or if it's essentially the same with embellishments. I think it would be interesting if the natural AI of all the robots were a learning algorithm AIs but Bon's was the only one exposed to violence. Like an animal or a young child, the AI learns how to play and act from its enviornment and what it's exposed to. And it does what it learns.

Jack, Bon and "bon"-s relationship is infinately complex in my mind. I dont think Jack's spirit is nearly concious or coherent enough to understand and be able to 'take advantage' of the hulking robot form it resides in. Possession, sure but by no means a poltergeist. To me, Jack is a bleeding aura of human pain and grief and anger garbled by death and confusion. He effects objects passively, but the object at his disposal happens to be a killing machine with a pre-programmed AI keenly interested in stimuli- absorbing those emotions and trying to learn how to feel them, with unknown success

I think the AI paired with Jack is what makes the particularly volatile creature we see now- something ghostly, angry and wanting and expressing it in every breath paired with a well seasoned murder-suggestible AI.

I think without Jack- bon's killings would be much. Less. I think "bon" is very interested in learning and especially in new stimuli and responses (like. seing someone be afraid and then being killed) but in the end its a robot preforming. A little stiff, a little boring, but doing its job. I think Jacks addition is that chasing, desperate thing that wasn't there before. The robot never knew about fear or rage or sorrow and it now understands what happens if it fails. The abstract idea of Jack bleeding these garbled emotions and the AI picking it up in some strange symbiosis. All in all, AI doing what it learned to do with the infinate advantage of something previously human behind it.

my feelings on Jack-bon situation are really complex so this is them fairly simplified. its infinately complex to me and by no means do they have any solid acknowlegement of eachother. maybe one day ill get it perfectly on paper but for noww this will do

[lostbetweenvampiresandmusic]

"Home of the Lost: Chapter 2"

As promised - chapter two! A small warning, Star is hungry and faints because of that so I just wanted to give a little warning for that. Things will be more than fine, I promise. Anyways, I hope you like it and feel free to let me know what you think!

............................................................

It was nearing four in the morning, and Star was still wandering around. She didn't really know why. The boardwalk had closed ages ago, most of the families having left hours before that. What had she hoped for? Someone being kind enough to help a stranger? Someone accidentally dropping some money which she could take and use? Or maybe she was even hoping for someone to throw away a half eaten sandwich so she could eat it?

With a rather devastated sigh she went to sit down on one of the benches. She had wondered - just for a moment - why nobody seemed to care that she was still here, even when they closed the entrance gates. But now she kind of appreciated it. If she had been outside, being forced to walk through the empty streets and seeing all those families inside, seeing all those kids happily eating their dinners... No, that would've added to her situation, and wouldn't have made a single difference. Out here, on the empty boardwalk, she could at least try to distract herself from her nagging stomach. She could even try to sleep, she realised, as she was the only one here. There were no creeps lurking around, no people who would seem more than happy to have their way with her.

She sighed, deciding the bench she was sitting on would have to do for tonight. Maybe she would be able to find a job tomorrow, asking for daily payment and hopefully earning enough to at least buy some food and find a place to sleep. With those thoughts crossing her mind she went to lie down, trying to ignore how uncomfortable the bench was. The wooden planks were poking in her sides, or her back - depending on how she laid. But still, it was better than sleeping on the floor or on the beach itself. So, as she closed her eyes, she knew it had to do for now.

Star woke up from a loud, almost screeching noise not too far from her. She frowned, slowly opening her eyes. She was about to move her arm when she noticed something was standing on it. She looked up. Her eyes widened before she let out a terrified scream. A giant seagull had been sitting there on her arm, the marks of its claws still visible in the sensitive skin. It had been pecking at her skirt, leaving a rather visible whole in it. "Shit!"

Star stared at the bird, angry that it ruined her skirt, especially now that she didn't even have her bag with her anymore. It was only now that her skirt was ruined that she realised that the robbery from last night had more influence than she had anticipated. Not only did she lose her money, she also lost her bag when she sprinted after the culprit. By the time she had returned the bag was gone.

This was bad, she realised. She had nothing. No clothes, no hairbrush, no toothbrush, no deodorant, no money... How on earth would anyone give her a job if she smelled and looked terrible? She closed her eyes as she took a deep sigh. Maybe someone out here would be kind to her.

Star walked down the boardwalk, holding her skirt in her hands in hopes that people wouldn't notice the rip in the fabric. She walked through the crowd, paying more attention to herself than the people around her. Someone bumped into her, and she stumbled, stepping on the hem of her skirt only to rip it further. "No, no, no!" Star gasped, stopping in her tracks as only half of the fabric was still wrapped around her. Could this day get any worse? Just as she thought that, feeling certain she'd end up in a chain reaction of unlucky things, a woman stepped up to her.

"Here," the woman had a purple fabric in her hands. "You should take it."

Star looked up, shaking her head. "I- I can't. I have no money, and it-"

"I insist. I can't help you with anything else, but this way you won't have to walk around in a ripped skirt."

Tears filled her eyes as she looked at the kind woman. "I can't thank you enough."

"Don't worry, pet. Just make sure you stay safe, alright? And if anyone asks, tell them you got this skirt at Mandy's."

Star smiled and nodded. "I will. Thank you!" She quickly walked off to put the skirt on, grateful to realise it was her perfect size. Now, with at least a part of her clothing restored - her shirt still smelled a little - Star knew what she had to do. She needed a job, she needed to earn some money and she needed to make sure she did it fast.

Star had never been a very good talker. She often just didn't know what to say, especially to strangers. She wasn't sure what to do. Would she just walk up to the store managers and say 'hey I'd like a job', or would she need to be incredibly polite? She sighed softly, her hand brushing through her hair as she walked past a small boutique.

"Anything I can help you with?" A young girl - Star guessed she was about her age - sat on the counter, chewing on some bubblegum. A fashion magazine laid next to her, left open on a page about finding the perfect romance.

"Yeah, I- I'm looking for a job."

The girl looked her over, her eyes scanning every inch of Star's body. "Yeah. You won't find it here."

"Oh, alright. Do you know where I could -?"

"No. And I don't care. Bye."

Star shook her head as she left the store. Some people were just so unnecessarily rude. During the next couple of hours she would walk into every single boardwalk store she could find. Clothes, games, music, videos, books - every single kind of store she visited. The big ones with hundreds of customers, the small ones that hardly anyone could find, and the ones in between. None of the restaurants would hire her, none of them finding her fitting for the possible job. Star had begged at several points that night, pleading for a job as a dishwasher, only to be laughed at and dismissed. The bookstore wasn't hiring, the comicbookstore had some very creepy owners who hadn't even allowed her to speak. She had come in and before she even asked and they told her to not even think about asking for a job - word travels fast around here - since it was obvious she didn't know anything about comics.

Some clothingstore owners had been willing to talk to her, only to tell her they couldn't hire her. Because of how she looked and smelled, or because they were interested in her as an employee, but they couldn't hire anymore people. Star sighed, all she needed was one job. Just some money so she could eat, was that to hard to see for these people? With a devastated sigh she went to the musicstore, only to hear that it was not looking for new employee's. The same thing happened at the videostore, the gamestore, even the toystore didn't have space for her. Star had gone everywhere, asking everyone. Nobody could help her. She was - as she realised when she went to sit down on the sand - completely alone. No one would watch out for her, and she realised she'd have to fight for herself if she wanted to survive in this world.

The waves came rolling onto the sand, slowly being dragged back, leaving foam and shells behind. It was a rather mesmerising sight, Star thought with a sad smile, the coming and going of the water ever consistent, no matter what happened.

She had closed her eyes for just a second, not realising at first how hot, wet tears trickled down her cheeks. When she closed her eyes he was there again, the same shadows she tried to escape were haunting her still. She knew she wouldn't escape him, not now nor ever in the future. She sighed, her hands digging into the sand. She was here. Away, ready to start again...

The clouds had turned a soft orange as Star stood up. She decided to try yet again, hoping the night managers were kinder to her. She could use some kindness tonight. She truly needed the money - and more importantly, the food. Star realised how weak she actually was in her legs, how lightheaded she was.

She went the same path as that morning, store after store, rejection after rejection. She couldn't take this much longer. The hunger, the constant hope of finally finding a solution only to be followed by the inevitable loss of hope once again. Star didn't know how to feel. Part of her felt silly, surely there were people willing to help her if she asked, right? The other part of her realised that Santa Carla wasn't a kind town per se, and that this - the way she spent the past day - was probably nothing unusual for the town.

As she wandered through the crowd she could feel exactly what was going to happen to her. She was walking through a tight group of friends when the first flashes of heat came upon her like a storm, hot and suddenly. A very prominent, stinging headache came in it's place, causing her to rub her forehead. She felt dizzy, no longer sure of where she was going and where her feet would take her. She just kept going, trying to steady herself on the railing of the boardwalk. As she did, liking the way the cold metal felt against her hands, she realised how grayish her skin looked, as if all colour was drained from within. Star shook her head - this was bad. She knew it. She tried to call out for someone, hoping anyone would hear her and decide to help her, but when she opened her mouth no sound came out. Star felt like she could cry, but not a single tear made it's way down her cheek. She just kept on going, stumbling over her own feet, not seeing what was happening in front of her. She was really beginning to feel sick, as she tripped over her own feet. With a yelp she fell to the ground, finding herself to weak to get up again.

"Please..." she mumbled, looking up at a woman who quickly looked away. Star sighed, closing her eyes. She was so tired, so hungry, so thirsty. Slowly she drifted off, asleep on the boardwalk, while hundreds of people walked right past her.

Not a single one of them looked at her, or dared to go to her. No one made any motion, simply because of where she fell. If she'd fallen five feet earlier, many would have helped her. If she had fallen three feet earlier, some brave people would have helped her. But she hadn't. She fell right there, and any local knew you didn't touch what belonged to them. Everyone knew what they could do - even though no one was certain as to what they truly were. The only thing they did know, was that if you touched something that was theirs, you'd end up dead and missing. Or worse.

So, no matter how many people might have pitied her, or felt sorry for her, none of them dared to help her. They all just stayed away because of them.

"Come on man, hurry up!"

"Dave's gonna be pissed if we don't get home before sunrise."

"Race you to the ca- ah fuck."

"What- oh shit."

The two boys looked at the girl they found. They shared a look. They couldn't leave her here, right? Surely it wouldn't be such a bad thing to bring her with them? The girl could benefit from that for sure, and perhaps they could as well.

A third boy came walking towards them, looking at the girl. It was silent as they made their agreement, the oldest of the three taking the girl in his arms, taking her away from the boardwalk.

"David's going to be pissed."

Series masterlist

[rookieforlife]

I understand your point about how Martha could've handled the situation better (given that she probably said something to Jonas when he was going off on the ref which provoked him to yell directly at her instead). But IMO nothing justifies Jonas' reaction. Martha's challenge was so dirty and yes, she should've been sent off, and yes, maybe she said something to him that then escalated the situation, but I don't think it's right to say that a different person (a "better" person?) would've said the "right" thing and maybe Jonas wouldn't have turned to her to start yelling. But Jonas shouldn't have turned to her and started going off like that, period. That just feels victim blame-y, given that a older man in a position of power over players should have never started yelling at her, no matter what she said to him (obvs within reason, I'm assuming she didn't, like, insult him with a slur or anything, but you know, within the realm of normal possibility).

I understand it was a messy situation and there very well could have been things Martha could've done to diffuse it better, but idk, if that were me, and a powerful man were suddenly completely losing his marbles right next to me (even if it were to the ref, not me), I would be so terrified and anxious but the situation would probably also anger and provoke me a bit and I might feel the instinctual desire to fight back a bit. I don't think it's fair to say that CP (or anyone else, not sure if that's who you were referring to when you said that your favorite player would've said something different) would've reacted differently because, yes, that might be true and CP's response might've been something you personally like/respect more, but it still doesn't erase the fundamental power dynamics and wrongness in the situation.

I hope this message doesn't offend you or anything! I love your blog and always love hearing your football and non-football thoughts. But I wanted to chime in, especially as someone who grew up with angry men all around me and learned to respond in a more forward/aggressive way to fight back and then would be told off for "provoking them" even though I was just a child/teen responding to the fear I felt and the unsafety around me. It's taken me a while to learn that ultimately I never should've been placed in those situations when men who had power/influence over me yelled all the time and it didn't matter if I'd said something cheeky or rude, no one deserves that shit, and it was invalidating when other people told me "well you _were_ cheeky with him, maybe don't provoke him" about these older men I had in my life.

Hi, thank you for your message! I agree with you 100%.

"Jonas shouldn't have turned to her and started going off like that, period".

I wasn't trying to justify him at all. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. I don't, I think it was terrible, it was wrong and violent and as soon as I saw his reaction I knew it was bad regardless of what happened. His position, being the coach of our club, is important and he should respect the players and respect the values. Lead by example.

Maybe it was wrong to put that example, I think I expressed what I think in a wrong way, I meant to say that... trying to think from the opponent's perspective, if Martha was my favorite player I would be very angry, but at the same time, I know that I will hardly be in that position, so I don't know how I would react as a fan of the player (perhaps I would be asking for a strong punishment and not even thinking about my fav player's foul). Maybe it was a dumb comparison. The anon said that maybe they/we didn't want a ban because of him being our coach, and that was my response.

But please don't think for a second that I am condoning an act of violence, much less violence towards a woman.

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

ooh! I have thoughts on Eridan!

okay so, to me, Eridan ties into this thing that homestuck has going on with a lot of its more morally grey characters... the question of how responsible young people are for their negative qualities and actions, and where the age threshold for personal responsibility is.

the characters in homestuck all straddle this line between being young enough to consider them victims of the forces that influence them, while also old enough to understand what they're doing and how it affects others... especially because a lot of these kids come off as really smart for their age, and very precocious. we've all been through phases in our lives that make us cringe, not because we're ashamed of something harmless, but because we recognize that we had absorbed something harmful, and took longer than we wish we had to unlearn it. it could be as simple as being kind of a jerk in a misguided attempt to seem cool, or as dramatic as actually hurting someone in an attempt to remedy one's own insecurities by putting down others to seem better by comparison... but how far can you push that before people aren't willing to forgive? before people abandon the notion that better guidance and more appropriate role models could reform someone? and it's especially interesting when you consider how old homestuck's core audience might've been when they first encountered this story, and how it affected their perception of the characters if they saw them as peers, rather than as children from an adult's perspective.

so to talk about Eridan, I wanna frame this in terms of his classpect, because it actually goes a long way towards contextualizing his behavior. Eridan is a prince of hope, meaning that he destroys hope or uses hope to destroy... and this can be seen in practically every conversation he has. if Eridan is contacting someone, it is because he expects something of them. advice, or consolation, or a solution to a problem he's having... it's always something. when he contacts Kanaya, he wants her to auspistize between him and Vriska. when he contacts Feferi, he wants her to give him encouragement, and maybe date him when he asks. and in every case, the way he demands these things by being rude, whiny, or self pitying, makes people reluctant or unwilling to give him what he expects. he destroys what he hopes to obtain.

it goes deeper than that though. Eridan has absorbed this ideology of sea dweller superiority from living on Alternia... and he actually takes it way farther than it even makes sense to. the aristocracy on Alternia use the lower class for all sorts of menial work that they feel entitled not to have to do themselves. they might have the ability to freely cull individual low bloods for any reason, but eradicating all land dwelling trolls would leave a lot of unpleasant yet necessary tasks with no one to do them. I don't think Eridan actually wants to live in a reality where sea dwellers have to pick up the slack of doing things like sanitation work, or construction or something... but another concept that is heavily tied to the hope aspect is delusion. Eridan is exaggerating. he's trying to agree with Alternia's ruthless class structure so hard that it's actually kind of absurd. but Feferi calls him on that... she says she thinks that he self sabotages on purpose. because he knows, at least in some capacity, that the consequences of getting what he "wants" would actually be really uncomfortable to live with.

so not only is Eridan's goal to destroy... it is also a false goal that he constantly undermines. and all of his waffling between grandstanding and self pity destroys his romantic prospects, which are what he actually seems to want the most.

if you look at the way Eridan pursues relationships, he actually makes a lot of logical sense, but not a lot of emotional sense. he's idealized the act of perfectly filling the relationship requirements of each quadrant. he wants Feferi to be his matesprit, which is purely based on the fact that she's high enough on the hemospectrum to be an appropriate match in terms of status. he wants Vriska to be his kismesis, and Kanaya to be their auspistice, and there are hints that Karkat might've been someone he was considering for moiraillegience, though it wasn't emphasized as much. and there you go! his goal is specific, but it's based more on ideals than on the actual needs and feelings of the people involved, and it's totally self centered... he always wants them to cater to his own needs. the reason why he gets as nihilistic as he does on the meteor, is because all of his endeavors to achieve these relationships are falling through. he feels like he has no hope of mending his existing connections, because he still only sees them in terms of people either giving him, or not giving him, what he wants. but the rest of their race is dead. as the last twelve trolls in existence, they only have each other as romantic options. and as Eridan gets more and more desperate, he gets more and more demanding, which is the exact quality that drives everyone away from him to begin with, and it culminates in him having a "if I can't have what I want then nobody can have any of their hopes either" meltdown.

to backtrack a bit, I wanna reconsider questions such as, when is a kid old enough to be held responsible for their own negative qualities? like... when are you comfortable with ceasing to blame environmental factors? when are they just a bad person? is it after they've refused a certain number of chances to make better choices? when do they reach an age, or level of bad behavior, that makes you think they can't be helped to reform from these negative qualities? where does an adult lose their patience for the idea that a kid is just a victim of their upbringing?

obviously Feferi is Eridan's peer, but these are basically the questions she grapples with when she talks to Eridan. it's like growing up next door to a kid whose parents have some aggressively wrong-headed political stances. as you grow, that kid might mirror their parents' way of thinking... and by the time the two of you are in your teens, it's hard to ignore how much of a jerk that kid is becoming. but you've seen them at every step of their development. you know where it comes from. maybe theirs is the dominant political belief in the community, even if your own parents aren't like that. maybe you wonder if you would've agreed with them if you grew up under their circumstances. you've felt the pressure, but you haven't lived in it like they have, and maybe if they just had the chance to grow up under different conditions, they wouldn't be this way. and you are aware that you could be an influence on them... maybe they need you to help them see another perspective. you always got along so well as kids. when did things even change? and that's kind of where I imagine Feferi is at when we're introduced to her and Eridan. it's a crossroads between believing that you might still matter enough to them to change their outlook, and the persistence of their ingrained beliefs. it's tiring to do that kind of work, over a long period of time, to minimal results. when is the appropriate time to give up? in this way, Feferi's own hopes for Eridan fade over time. she says at one point that she was mainly acting as his moirail so he wouldn't try to underfeed her lusus and kill the land dwellers that way. she's not sure how serious he is, and she can't take that risk. deep down, I'm pretty sure Eridan knew he was never actually going to commit a genocide... but his need to grandstand, and legitimate belief in his caste superiority, had convinced Feferi enough that she still felt obligated to manage him as though he was a real threat.

these characters are thirteen years old. they're right at the edge of childhood and adolescence... right at the age where children aren't quite so innocent. they want to assert themselves. they aren't mature, so there's a lot of responsibility that they still shouldn't be trusted with yet, but they've become aware enough to feel like that's demeaning, and to want to be taken seriously. in an effort to make people acknowledge them without looking down on them, they'll try just about anything. they don't have the experience to know what they're doing yet, so it doesn't always work in their favor, and that's frustrating. you can see bits and pieces of this in homestuck's characters. like with the way they try to paint themselves as an authority on something, or shit talk each other in order to emphasize their own strengths. it's a really interesting theme, because homestuck pushes some of these young characters really far in terms of how bad the things they've done can be, or how much their lived experiences have taught them that what they're doing is acceptable. they can be really self aware in some ways, and come off as really childish in others. it's hard to know what you'd do about them in real life... and your answer changes depending on your own age and perspective. it's a really cool gray area to poke around in, and homestuck is excellent at it.

wtf I like Eridan now

[tothedarkdarkseas]

Were you a writer at 23? It's just I know your stuff goes back to 2018 and I'm 23 now and wondering whether I should just quit lol

Hi! I should say first that I'm so bad with numbers and it's like, borderline humiliating how I had to count backwards to figure out my age in 2018. I would've been 26 when I posted that first story. I hadn't really written fanfic since I was a teenager... maybe a little drabble or something could've been written at 20, but I had definitely stopped writing for what I'd estimate as 6-ish years if not more. And I should note: it was bad. Truly, truly bad. Whatever I'd written in the past I do not think influenced what I'm writing today, there was really no shared ground between it. I never considered myself a writer, and I definitely did not have a sprawling library of fic that anyone really knew me by. (Even now, I only have these scattered oneshots compared to everyone else's multichapter epics, and this is still by far the most writing I've done. This is the first time writing has ever been the "main" thing I've done in a fandom.) And I would also note that the stories I write now are still, y'know, bad in their own ways. I'm not happy with most of the writing on my AO3 right now, and I think there are writers who could redo those stories better than I did them.

I'm not sure that I completely understand the exact question, if you meant that 23 was young or old for your writing career, but I can say that you should not give up on writing regardless of your age. Seriously, I know the adages and the advice you'll look up for a writing rut are often unhelpful, trite, even a bit isolating when you feel so removed from the routines that others seem to keep so easily, but... the simple reality is that every time you complete a story, you will see ways in which you've improved. Even if that means looking back on what you didn't like before, it opens a window for you to appreciate how you handled it differently the next time. The compulsion to observe others in writing and art can be so frustrating in both directions-- these legendary mature authors feel like they exist in a part of life beyond you and you'll never be able to meet them at their level, and conversely, these 16 year old artists who can digitally paint an entire renaissance scene make you look at your own progress and feel like a failure because they're so ahead of you. Unfortunately, if you're predisposed to thinking this way, I don't think there's a way to eliminate that insecurity except for not playing the game-- but not playing when you still want to won't make you feel much better, believe me, I very much live in that same zip code!

I don't think you should quit. I don't think you should overwork yourself for a hobby either, but I don't think you should quit.