#maybe if all y'all fuck you'll calm down a little idk

[rosesocietyy]

the bedroom scene is not a loumandaniel moment but I'm choosing to see it as one cause who tf gon stop me

[andersonfilms]

❝ DO YOU FEEL ASHAMED? ❞ ✶ ELLIE WILLIAMS !

★⠀warning y disclaimers — eighteen+, ex!ellie, heavy angst, cheating, heartbreak, moving on, reader going through it, no happy ending y'all, this one has a little kick, ellie is a bit of a dirtbag in this, next time i write for her it'll be the most fluff.

RAYNE RAMBLES ★ wrote this last year after getting cheated on and it's just been sitting in my docs, forever. enjoy my pain?? idk, possible abby x reader sequel

ex!ellie who avoids you for a very long time after the breakup. she wishes it could be amicable between the two of you too, but it can't be. it never will be. ellie made sure of it. all of her belongings are still littered across your apartment, though her scent is gone, you still see her everywhere. you can't bring yourself to remove the framed photos of the two of you hanging across your home. she was happy, or so you thought, and you were. but today was the day. you were letting all of it go and her with it. your roommate had taken it all down for you, the strength to remove the past three years of your life just couldn't be found. 

ex!ellie who doesn't really want to think about the way you'll look at her. her emerald eyes were always your favorite, you used to go on about how much you love them. how soft they looked at you, the light shining beneath them whenever she said something stupid and ellie just waited for your giggle or a hint of it anyway. they used to be kind to you, careful, even calm but it didn't seam to be the case anymore. ellie knew you wouldn't be either — not after she’s hurt you. carelessly, abusing your kind-hearted spirit, turned you to something resembling unbridled rage with a large dosage of resentment. 

ex!ellie who is met with your roommate instead of you, before the door is slammed in her face. she expects to be met with sharp behavior. there wasn't a shadow of a doubt she did. ellie just wished it wasn't your best friend who she fucking hated. ellie never liked them. they never liked her and now she didn't have to hide it. what ellie couldn't stand was that they were right about her. three years in and instead of doing the decent thing, ellie chose to betray you. those closest to you were going to protect you from the enemy at all costs. the only you trust the most and cut you the deepest. as much as she despised it, it was all true. 

ex!ellie who eventually gets you, after you hear her voice carelessly arguing with your friend. you place a box at the entry in front of her feet, before you walk away. ellie peaks through one foot in the door, but then you're already back with the second box. ellie can see the tears in your eyes and you see the guilt in hers. almost shining brighter than the shame. she knows how much it hurts you, her being here, being so close but so unimaginably far away it makes you want to hurl. 

ex!ellie who watches you breathe deeply, your hands clenched into fists. before you're rubbing them at drained eyes, dark circles underneath them. she's to blame for everything you're going through. if she had just been honest from the beginning, maybe the two of you could've been friends and just left your love there. you were nothing but good to ellie, pure like white snow, and now the blood from her hands fell over you, staining you a violent red. you would never be pure again. no. not like before. you wouldn't ever blindly trust anyone just because you simply fell in love. putting yourself out like this again? no, you couldn't do it. 

ex!ellie who tries to speak with you, mouth open, but no words are able to come out. she tried her best to put off this moment, the confrontation of the aftermath, facing the fact she had treated you like an afterthought, but you were more than just a thought ellie had tried to push away. you were a person she had left abandoned. she had promised you the world and caved when the time came to give in. she become everything you feared she would be, tearing you in little shreds of yourself as you tried to piece back what she had broke. 

"you look like you haven't slept." ellie states, not really a question, but she almost phrases it as one. she doesn't have a right to ask. the two of you know she's forfeited knowing you, your life, how you're doing — she's the one whose damned it all. 

"i don't really. not right now at least." you look anywhere but her eyes, your eyes concentrating towards the freckles meticulously scattered along her shoulders, her cheeks, and along her button nose. “anyways, should be everything of yours. i’ll contact dina if anything else shows up.” your tone sharp, clearly cutting through. 

there’s no malice when you utter her girlfriend’s name, but ellie senses you’ll reserve the tone of betrayal just for her. she’s the one who abandoned her commitment to you. 

not dina. 

“can we talk? please?” ellie flashes her beautiful puppy eyes at you, once would make you melt, now you feel like throwing up.

“ellie.” there is it is, ellie thinks, betrayal and brutality laced in the voice who promised her a future. there once had been one, house, kids, a ring. it seems so silly now. it’s a warning the way you speak to her. don’t push your luck, williams. 

she’s with dina. why does she even care? 

she’d never seen you so upset, so vengeful, so tired of her. you weren’t lying when you never said you never wanted to see her again. every single beat of your heart meant it, the emotion cut off when you spoke to her, how you looked at her with this cold look in your eyes. arms crossed over your chest as if looking at her is the most taxing task in the world. 

ellie was supposed to not care. she couldn’t, yet it bothered her you clearly didn’t. 

“i have nothing i want to say, especially to you.” you bark, for the first time, ellie fears there might be a bite. 

“i-i know i fucked up, okay? i just can’t stand the thought of you fucking hating me.” ellie pleads, a longing look in her eyes. 

“well, i never thought i would, so i guess we��re all evolving and changing into horrible people.” you roll your eyes at her, watching as she struggles to pick up the boxes laid at her feet. 

you loath how much you want to help her, but don’t. 

you can’t. 

“you’re not horrible.” 

“well, you are.” your insult slapped her right across the face, the burning sensation stung but what hurt more was knowing you meant every word. 

“this isn’t fair, i know what i did was bad, but i told you the truth. i didn’t lie, i confessed. isn’t it worth for at least, i dont know, a little empathy? something?” ellie sighed deeply, shoulders tense from the altercation with you. “

“you didn’t tell me because you’re a honest person. it’s because i would have found out and you were scared.” you scoff. “fuck you. wanting brownie points for admitting you cheated? go to hell.” 

“what else could i have done? it was already too late.” ellie admits, shame laced in her eyes. you hope she feels every bit of shame for all the hell she’s put you through. 

“i wonder why it was too late?” your sarcasm slicing through the air. ellie finally managed to get a grasp on boxes in her shaky hands as she tried to not crumble under your death glare from hell. “i was the last one to show up at the party to your new fucking relationship. huh, guess i would be one not invited? some weird fucking placeholder until you found something better. right under my fucking nose.” 

she deserves every bit of it. 

painfully, you were met with silence. ellie couldn’t do anything, apologize in a way she hadn’t before, beg for forgiveness, grovel for your compassion. 

you were too angry, too heated, too fucking hurt. there’s only a split second of it, ellie almost missed it, but she saw it clearly. the gloomy blues hidden beneath your beautiful eyes, slowly becoming more evident. you’re trying your best to hide it beneath anger, mask it from her, but she sees it. 

tears building the more your voice escalates and ellie would truly hate herself if she made you cry in front of her, again. she’s can’t see you do it again. it’s the last thing she wants. she can’t keep hurting you. 

dina, fuck. she has to protect her. ellie’s unsure if you’ll lash out on here. you haven’t yet, but breakups pull the worst out of you and she’s fearful for the women she does love. 

“just…don’t take it out on dina, alright? if you wanna be mad, fine. as much as i wish i could fix it, i know nothing i can say or do will earn your trust back. okay?” 

your heart breaks at her instinct to protect dina, how she used to do the same for you. it nearly splits you into an abyss, cracking your soul just where she had nicked it. almost seemed intentional at this point. 

“i would never be mean to her. she didn’t promise me a future together, you did. hope you have lovely fucking life with her.” 

ex!ellie who is met with the wooden door being slammed in her face, nearly kissing her chin. she stayed there long enough to hear you cry, sitting on the concrete to hear the consequences of loving someone else who wasn’t her girlfriend, well now ex. she craved to punch something, someone. you whined, a name quietly dropped from your perfect lips, abby, your fucking best friend. she would be the one to comfort you, pick up the pieces of the wreckage ellie had left you with. it scorned her, letting a flame loose on her skin, with the thought of you with her. but she didn’t get to have feelings, she couldn’t be upset with how you chose to reassemble your sanity. not when she’s the one who broke you. even if it’s with the woman she always feared you love more than a friend.

DAILY CLICK + DONT BUY TLOU + DONATE

[fictionfixations]

LMAO ZEN (doesnt it happen for everyones routes though? i havent done like another story yet tho)

anyway before i get into talking about jumin (as the route im on rn) i wanted to wonder

yknow how certain things happen but only on someones route?

like zen has the echo girl thing, idk what yoosung has i forgor but i think jaehee had that one project??? that got her interested in like coffee stuff? jumin has the arranged marriage?? and seven has like. well. the hacker stuff.

but it never gets mentioned on someone elses route ? i dont think? i feel like itd be more cooler if it was all happening at once as like little references (but either something they can handle or cant handle outside of the route. just like maybe a vague mention of trouble to interest the player in that route, while still making sense from like a timeline standpoint???)

like. people doing things but its not because youre the one pushing it towards that. i like that more. and im curious how chaotic itd be

anyway

JUMIN. (disclaimer: I dont like him)

WARNING i start venting in this post. theres only one mention of a triggering thing (which is warned before the actual vent part but i dont want to put here to bring the mood down more cause in all honesty im over it. im just kind of projecting.)

i think ive said before how i can understand the liking of possessive partners

but. okay maybe its just that i dont like jumin as much as the others but. this is kinda way too much. or maybe its that i value my own independence a whole lot or maybe its because i really dont like the thing with his cat (and i LIKE cats. so giving me a character who likes cats and making me not like them??? ahgeiudhf)

like 'dont leave or ill go insane and make your face known everywhere so i can find you again' like the fuck no w h y CAN I LEAVE

I want to leave i dont care if i get the bad ending get me out of here 😭 (actually i think the bad ending mightve been if we encouraged being compared to like his cat and like. was willing to stay forever.)

e w NO like CHILL

maybe. im. being too extreme. and im just too on edge. but like. can you not. i am not your property?? i am not an object??

now LISTEN i understand marking. like like yknow biting and so and so as like a claim over your partner. and now that? thats hot and i like that. but thats ONLY for the bedroom there comes a point where too much of a thing is a bad thing

ALSO we've known each other how many days has it been. eight?? WE've known each other EIGHT days dont be horny bonk

g o o d . this is good.

STOP. dont talk like you know whats best for a person. like its some thing that'll happen, not a what if.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. now if he was being more weird id say go home but hes. OKAY. ish. now. like hes trying. and anyway getting him to not do it takes time. and also this is a game of romance fantasies where creepy shit gets played off as kinky or something. (not a jab towards mysme its just the kind of thing its trying to do which can result in uncomfortable parts if you take off your rose-tinted glasses of wOAH ROmANCE. its expected since ppl think certain things are hot when in reality its kind of very not that great)

…CAN I GO HOME???? like BRUH im not gonna accept you just cause you do so and so

why does this feel like a 'nice guy'. maybe this is my bad because this is making me really want to leave buth gdiuhfuih

trigger warning. i vent. mention of kermit sewer slide but nothing actual.

ive been pushing the 'stay here to help jumin feel more calm' but. i do also need to prioritize my own well being and my well being is not happy here rn 😭 (on a serious note though while its important to be there for your partner, its NOT a good thing to give everything to make sure your partners okay, because y'all are equals and as you help them stand they need to help you stand too or you'll collapse under all that and it really wont be a good time. im telling you its very draining. and why i promote the idea of get your shit together before you get with someone because there comes a point where you can be too dependent on your partner which isnt good for you or for them [and they can feel hesitant to express their feelings because they dont want to hurt you, or hesitant to do anything too stressful because theyre like that support pillar for them, and they dont want to do anything that causes otherwise because they dont want their partner to get hurt. it can also mean they go along with what the other wants even if they dont really want to because they dont want to hurt them. am i projecting? ithink im projecting. cause like. ive been there. and honestly i think it kind of fucked me up cause there was like a power imbalance in that one was significantly more fragile and vulnerable then the other, which made me feel like i should be going along with it because i didnt want them to be hurt when they didnt have anyone else they could rely on but me. [i tried to get them to make more friends cause relying on a single person is very unhealthy but no dice] but that also meant that they didnt respect my boundaries or respect me when i say no and instead just gave off excuses to make me change my mind or made me feel like i had to do what they wanted or theyd deliberately hurt themself. so.. it was a lot. anyway it really fucked me up cause i felt like i was in the wrong for not going along with it. blah blah blah. we split. i genuinely have no idea if it was true or not but they'd started saying things to make me feel bad and just not a fun time at all. they were probably in a really dark time in their life but im gonna be honest. i dont know in what scenario its okay to go 'im gonna kermit sewer slide if you dont [blah blah blah]'. so yknow. and this is not really the same but it still feels the same in walking all over boundaries and lines and is especially why i do not like this character a bit. yay trauma.])

i might actually get a bad ending because i. really dont like this.

[carmenized-onions]

Just Dropped. | Missing Invoice

logline; It's still fucking Friday. Half past five, maybe?

[!!!] series history, this is the eleventh; We're jumping RIGHT back in babe, feel free to re-review chapter ten to remember everything lmao.

Spotify Playlist, if you like to listen while you read. I listen to it when I write :) Constantly gettin’ added to.

portion; 8.2k Thank fucking god this got split off from the last.

possible allergies; hurt,,,,, some comfort? You'll see, idk. No spoils. Terrible self-image, a lot of talk of Mikey's death and blame about it. Just a lot of mean and hurtful words to oneself and others.

pairing; Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto & Fem Reader (i don't believe there's any pronouns but feminine titles are used? you'll see) Also, if I'm being honest, this chapter is not about Carmen, lmao. but when are they, really?

you ever notice that the other shoe chapter doesn't have a period? lol pranked you!! genuinely both very interested and very nervous to hear y'alls thoughts on this one,,, i hope you like it,,,, if you don't,,,, let me down so gently, sweetpea

Same team. You say to Marcus.

It’s an idiom you coined, long ago. It’s a simple phrase you and your friends started to exchange whenever heads got hot, and you had to remind each other that at the end of the day, you’re fighting for the same thing. To get through the end of the day, together. You’re on the same team.

It’s not interchangeable with ‘we good?’ It means so much more than that. Fights happen, they do. You know that better than anyone, but it’s important to remind each other what you’re fighting for. Same team, you say to Marcus, after reciting all the pastas on order.

He says it back, calming down. Talking to Richie was just as important as running expo; same team. He gets it. You exchange reassuring nods.

Two doors swing open. First, Sweeps comes in through front of house, pressing a note to your back, you hold it there. You don’t think it’s a good sign when he mumbles, slipping past your shoulder. “Need a smoke break, one sec.”

Second, Carmen swings out of his office. Phone call over, he seems deeply bothered. Is Natalie okay? Is he okay? You imagine he wouldn’t just return to his station, right in front of expo, if everything wasn’t okay. He does seem… On the verge of something, though. Despite your concerns, you continue to bark out orders. You try to run it a little more… prim, this time, with Carmen back. A couple fewer ‘love yous’ peppered in between table numbers. You don’t want to make him snap by running the place not like his Exec would.

Richie rolls back his shoulders, stretching out his neck. He tries to find sympathy and kinmanship, in Carmen, “Cousin, your ol’ boss is such an asshole, you wouldn’t believe what he—”

“Respect him, Chef.”

Huh? That gives both you and Richie pause. You stutter on the order. “Twen—Twenty-six, table twenty-six, waiting on fish, Chefs.”

“Fish.” Carmen hands the plate off to expo, immediately. Cold. He hasn’t even commented on you running expo yet. Is he mad? You’re probably doing a shit job at this. You hand the serving tray off to Fak to run. He speeds out, like a reverse lassie, sensing danger and wanting to get the fuck out immediately.

��…Respect him?” Richie repeats, dumbfounded.

“He’s a Two-Star Executive Chef.” Carmen doesn’t take his eyes off his cutting board. You’re not sure what he’s making, right now— Oh shit, you should tell him about the cherry and lamb before he wastes his time.

“Don’t matter what his title is—” “Yes. It does.”

Richie’s brows raise then furrow, as do yours, just not nearly as dramatic. Neither of you were expecting a fight over this, you’ve both been serving this man first hand. Carmen worked for this guy for like two or three years, he knows. He has nightmares about this guy. You were expecting comradery. The guy is a dick, why won’t Carmen admit that? Why’s he suddenly got stock in his captor?

“Who shit in your cereal? He’s bein’ a fuckin’ creep, Cousin.” That touches your heart, a little bit. Richie’s not directly saying it’s affecting you, but it’s nice to know that he just as equally cares about your discomfort.

Carmen’s a different story, though. Because he doesn’t question why Richie would say this. Doesn’t bother to consider the idea that he’s not fully informed, on the situation. On any situation, for that matter. He just thinks he’s being attacked, for some reason.

“N’ what the fuck are you?”

That snaps you off of your focus— Quite frankly, it snaps half of the kitchen out of their focus. Everyone’s knives pause above their cutting boards, spoons half dipped into pots, it hangs in the air, for a second.

“Pardon me?” Richie puts a hand over his chest, taking a half step back, to physically display how much offense he’s taken. Fucking hell, it’s gonna be this now. “What the fuck am I?”

“D’you want me to tell you? Cause I’ll fuckin’ tell you.”

You’ve gotta get between this, before Carmen can tell him. You slip Sweeps’ note in your pocket, long forgetting it, at this point. When you step forward, Richie puts an arm in front of you, barring you from getting in the middle of this. “Rich—”

“Please.” Richie goads, ignoring you. “En-fucking-lighten me.” You immediately brace yourself for whatever impact you and the rest of this kitchen are going to be collateral for.

“You’re a fuckin’ deadbeat, Rich.” Carmen puts his knife down, turning from his station to face Rice. Where the fuck is all this coming from? What kind of phone call was this? When you open your mouth to interrupt, Richie puts his other hand up in front of your face, shushing you. He wants to hear what Carmen has to say. You desperately do not want to hear what Carmen has to say.

“You wouldn’t have shit without me.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t have shit?”

“You wouldn’t be able to pay for your fuckin’ life—” “Oh here we go—” “Or your fuckin’ kid—” “Oh, oh you wanna talk to me about my fuckin’ kid?” “You wouldn’t have shit—” “At least I have a fuckin’ kid.” “Fuck you!”

“Fuck you, you don’t have shit, Carmen, you don’t let good shit ever fuckin’ happen to you. So fuckin’ tough, never let anyone talk to you.”

It is impossible to get a word in, inch wise. They are so in each other’s faces, Carmen’s a bit shorter than Richie, and that somehow does not make him any less intimidating. This has been brewing long before you showed up, that much is very fucking clear. What caused the snap to happen now is beyond you.

You cannot find a moment to interrupt, to attempt to mediate. No one can. The kitchen is divided, some continue cooking to avoid the situation, some have stopped to watch, wondering to themselves who’s going to intervene, and some are like you, waiting for the right moment to step in. There will never be a right moment to step in.

“Where were you, when I fuckin’ put your brother in the ground, you selfish piece of shit?”

Oh. Stray bullet, for you. You wince— Not that you weren’t already, but that was definitely a personal hit. Richie’s still harbouring resentment over that for Carmen, which means he still holds it somewhere for you, too. And at least Carmen came back after, to take care of The Beef. Where the fuck were you for the better half of a year? Vanished. You completely vanished, on him.

“You’re so fucking obsessed with my family— Such—You’re such a fucking leech.”

You catch it from Carmen, too. Does Carmen see you as a leech? A parasite, tethering to his family? To his work? Is that why he’s mad, right now? You’ve inserted yourself without asking— You’re so pushy— No, no, he likes that your pushy, you’re good. He doesn’t think that about you, he doesn’t actually think Richie is a leech either, he’s just saying shit to start shit. It’s working. He’s really stirring up shit.

“Oh, I’m fucking obsessed—” “You fucking leech—” “I’m so fucking obsessed with you.” “I should’ve cut you out!” “Yeah.” “I should’ve fuckin’ cut you out!”

“I fuckin’ love you!” Richie points in Carmen’s face, and Carmen somehow manages to not give a shit. It does nothing, for Richie to have said this, and that is shattering. Sydney reaches for your hand, you don’t look at her, you only know it’s her because of the band-aids. You take it.

“You fucking need me!”

“I fucking love you!”

“You’re fucking nothing!”

“Don’t fucking say that!” That’s when you jump in. Practically call and response, for you. Your body processes what Carmen even said before your brain does. That was the straw. Carmen picked the wrong fucking one, to say that in front of. Carmen drew the line a lot of times, Carmen drew the line when he said to respect that Asshole— Quite frankly, Carmen drew the line with the broken sauce ‘you want a star’ bullshit with Syd— But this was the back breaker, for you.

You let go of Syd’s hand, moving to be in between the men, back facing Richie, defending him, “Don’t fuckin’ say that shit to Richie— To anyone, ‘specially not Richie.”

“Oh, like he’s some fuckin’ prize?” Your eyes go wide, like dinner plates. Carmen continues, “You wanna fix him, too? Add him to the list?”

“Fix him?” Is that what he thinks of you? That you think people need ‘fixing’? “I’m not trying to fix anyone, Carmen.”

“Didn’t try to fix Mikey?”

You straighten up a bit, whole brain dialing up. “Excuse me?”

“You’re excused.”

You adore Carmen, but in this moment, you cannot help but think of all the utterly life ruining comebacks you could say to set him on his ass, right now. Bite your tongue, same team. “Oh, I’m excused?”

“You don’t fuckin’ work here.” Ouch.

“Oh, suddenly that’s a problem—”

“Think you’re the fuckin’ peoples’ princess—” Ouch.

“That is not what I’m doing—”

“No no, of course it’s not, you’re such a goddamn saviour, modern day Christ.” Ouch.

“Carmen—” Richie tries to step in front of you, you put the back of your hand on his chest, holding him back. Time for you to prove what you said, in your kitchen, just a few days ago. Time to prove to Carmen, and quite frankly, yourself, that you can take this. That you can take his teeth. Carmen gave you fair warning, that the shoe could drop, that he might do this. Your first fight. It came a lot faster than you expected, but fair warning’s a fair warning.

“Say what you wanna say, Carmen.”

“Where’s your fucking invoice?” Carmen’s never swore at you, you’re pretty sure. It feels weird, in your chest. Cornering. You frown. “You didn’t fuckin’ give it to Nat, don’t lie.”

“It’s complicated.” It’s a legitimate answer, to you. It is complicated. “We can talk about it, after—”

“I don’t need to be some fuckin’ charity tax write-off, alright?” Carmen interrupts, he doesn’t care to hear your explanation. He’s already decided your intentions, and that feels very unfair, doesn’t feel like you’re on the same team. “Just fucking charge me. You wanna work here? Fucking charge me.”

Is he trying to make your entire dynamic transactional? Why is he acting like this? What did you do wrong? Don’t tear up. You can take it. You can take the teeth, Tony, come on. “That’s not—”

“I don’t need fuckin’ fixing, alright, I’m not another fucking addict—”

You can feel bristle Richie behind you. You both handled that ‘fucking addict’ first hand, and you certainly don’t care for him to be referred to as such. You interrupt Carmen’s tirade, “Don’t say that shit—”

Carmen rolls back his head, like he’s tired of some sort of façade— Like you’re being fake. “Oh, my fucking God—”

“What! What the fuck—” “He’s fucking dead, you can say it— He was a fucking loser junkie—”

He doesn’t mean it, he doesn’t mean it, he doesn’t mean it. He’s just trying to start shit. Same team. He’s just hurt over something he hasn’t admitted yet. Same team.

“Carmen—” You can’t get a word out, with this guy. God, you wish this was at least behind closed doors. Wish he’d give you and Richie the grace of breaking you both down without an audience.

“And, and—” There’s a split second of manic laughter to it, he’s so incensed by the idea. “You, you fucking gave that junkie money?”

You’re quick to furrow your brows, emphatically shaking your head. Did you give him discounts on services and pay his diner tab on occasion? Sure. But that’s an entirely different thing. “I never gave Mikey a cent—”

“Oh?” Carmen shrugs, “So you don’t have a joint bank account?”

Oh.

Oh. Is that what this is fucking about? He found some paperwork or a debit card lying around and lost his shit? Carmen and Mikey are very different people, and you love that, but one of your least favourite differences is Mikey never circled the drain, when it came to what he didn’t like. Carmen’s spent forever, needling Richie, and then needling you over some fucking joint bank account? That still doesn’t feel like it, though. There’s gotta be something he’s not saying.

To be fair, you know how the man spirals, you were hoping to explain these weird leftovers from your history yourself. This is what the painting was for. You were supposed to start on the first page— God, at the very least, a softer page, one that makes it all make sense, for him.

“Carmen, I get why you may be confused, but I—”

“Don’t tell me I’m fucking confused. I’m not fucking confused— I— This is my fucking kitchen, alright?” Entirely nonsensical. Too many thoughts are stirring in his head.

It’s hard to keep your eyes from watering. Take the teeth, same team. It was easier to compartmentalize with Mikey, when he yelled at you, because his eyes were blown out, and you could tell that it wasn’t him talking to you. But this is a sober Carmen. This is what he deep down, somewhere, thinks of you, isn’t it? He doesn’t think you belong in his kitchen. Don’t belong here.

“That— That fuckin’ asshole out front, or whatever you fuckin’ call him?” He points to booth twelve, through the window. You are now reminded that there is a window, and that there are more people than just the kitchen, here, there’s patrons. If they craned their necks and listened close, the sound proofing would keep them from hearing Carmen, but you feel like they could probably hear the way your heart is struggling to keep pace.

“That’s me— That’s who the fuck I am. And I’m good like that, so—So if he’s a fuckin’ creep so am I. N’ I don’t need you comin’ in my fuckin’ kitchen, comin’ in my fuckin’ life, actin’ like you know better than me!”

“I never said I know better than you!”

“You didn’t need to!”

“I—” You swallow your spit. You have always tried to keep a level field, with Carmen. Since day one. “I never meant—”

“I don’t— I am not your fuckin’ charity case, you do not need to-to donate to me to make up for the fact that you failed Mikey!”

Yeah.

You can’t take these teeth.

Carmen Anthony Berzatto realizes a couple of things, seven things, in quick succession, after he says this.

Thing One. His middle name is Anthony. Tony. That’s kind of funny. He should tell you that, make you laugh. He never really thought about it, until now. Didn’t have one of those moments where his brain disconnects from his body as a method of escaping the poison in his mouth, so it can have plausible deniability, until right now.

Thing Two. You are not Mikey. He had gotten so caught up, over the past week, conflating the fact that you’re both so likable and so ‘The Guy’ with the idea that you’re just the same. You’re not. You don’t react to being pushed and screamed at, like Mikey did, you don’t scream back. You defend yourself, but you don’t bite back at him, the way he bit at you. You don’t fight. You don’t get mean. You are not Mikey. Carmen always took Mikey trying to help as him trying to one up him; a silent way of saying he was better. You are not Mikey. You helping around the kitchen tonight, helping him every fucking day, was never you trying to one up him— Let alone fix him.

Thing Three. Your cherry and lamb plate is nowhere to be seen. It’s only been like three, five minutes? Where’d it go? He can’t even find a plate of bones. You’re never going to speak to him again, after this, he knows that. He’s never going to hear straight from you what you thought, he needs to see if you cleaned the plate.

Thing Four. He didn’t even ask. He didn’t even mention the photos, the thing that he was actually hung up about. Carmen’s confrontational, but not in the way that matters. He yells, but it’s never the thing he actually wants to yell about. Those candles could’ve been for anything. How old was Eva, when you met Mikey? Carmen doesn’t know, he wasn’t here. Could’ve just been birthdays. There’s a million reasons to have those photos, there’s a million reasons to have a joint bank account. He should’ve asked. He should’ve listened when you were trying to explain. You were trying to explain. You had something to say. You even acknowledged how confused he must be. How confused must you be, right now? He didn’t explain why he was yelling, at all. He didn’t ask, and he didn’t listen.

Thing Five. Carmen wasn’t here. You were. You were here. He blames himself, for his brother’s suicide, and he wasn’t even here. And then there’s you. You were here, and you probably took Mikey on your shoulders the way you take everything on your shoulders. And he just said you failed. He never asked you, if you blamed yourself, but he doesn’t need to. Everyone blames themselves. God, why did he call Richie nothing? Richie was here, too. He’s not a fucking leech, he was here. And that’s a fuck of a lot more than Carmen did. It’s not just about when Richie put his brother in the ground, it was the years before, proceeding, that Carmen wasn’t here for, and both of you were. And he just fucking said that you failed. He said it was your fault.

Thing Six. Carmen glances over your trembling shoulders, out the window, to where he can just see the edge of his old Exec’s head. Who he’s just said he is. Ugh. He thinks back to when that man became Exec, and Carmen took over as head. He remembers the promise he made to himself, when he went back to his shitty New York studio apartment and cracked open an incredibly expensive bottle of champagne (gifted) to drink alone on his mattress with no bedframe. He promised himself that no matter how bad it got in the kitchen, no matter how bad it got in his head, he would never get in someone’s ear and tell them that they were no good, terrible, slow, useless, better off dead, dumb fuck. He promised himself, that he would never make someone cry in his kitchen.

Point Seven. He’s resented the fact for the past week, that he hasn’t gotten to be the first person to do a lot of things, with you. He’s resented how much he missed out on, how much he wishes it was him in the photos, in the memories. But now you get to be one of his firsts. You get to be the first person he’s ever made cry, in his kitchen. When his brain comes back to his body, and he repeats back to himself the exchange that just happened. Yeah, he’d cry, too.

You have wonderfully bright eyes. He didn’t tell you that, before. He should’ve. He gets compliments on his bright blue eyes a lot, but yours just have this glow from within, about them. A brightness that he doesn’t, a sweetness that his don’t. That’s gone now. Eyes go from wide to hurt to vacant. Gone. Devoid. Hand over your mouth to cover the wobbling of your bottom lip. You look like he did, two years ago, at the French Laundry. A shell of what he was. A shell of what you are.

Carmen was right, he is the man out front. That’s who he is. That’s what he is.

A husk, biting down on the hand that feeds; defending nothing from no threat.

Richie didn’t need to call you, to let you know that Carmen’s awful for you, that he’s an asshole to everyone around him, that he’s sharp and not worth your time. Richie didn’t need to call you, to tell you that he’s just some fucking creep Executive Chef, but this time, he doesn’t even have any stars to retain about it. Richie didn’t need to call you. Carmen told you himself who he is, just fine.

Please make eye-contact. Please look him in the eyes, you used to do it all the time. You might never look him in the eyes again, please do it one more time. He didn’t savour it, before, didn’t hold it, when he should’ve. He would’ve, if he knew it would’ve been the last time. He should’ve been savouring it every time. He should’ve kissed you, when you kissed him on the temple— He should’ve let you know. You’re so smart, when it comes to emotions and things— Everything. Intuitive. If you’d look him in the eyes, you’d be able to tell how sorry he is, how wrong he knows he is for saying everything he said. But you’re downcast, trying to zero in on something.

You swallow, blinking wildly in a failed attempt to stall tears, and nod imperceptibly, digesting his words. He wishes you wouldn’t. This is the last thing he’d want you to eat.

Sydney is already rushing to your side, her station long forgotten. “Yoyoyoyoyo—”

She’s distressed, because she cares about you, hurrying to comfort you, taking your hand, then arm, then shoulder. She’s trying to get you to look at her, you won’t. You won’t look at anyone. She’s crouching to get in your field of vision. “C’mon, c’mon—”

Richie is behind you, where he should be, already squaring himself up, making himself taller. Carmen has never wanted someone to hit him, he’s pretty sure, until right now. He just wishes it was you doing it. Fight him back, please. Break his jaw, permanently, please. Keep him from saying anything ever again. Keep him from making you make that face, ever again. He wishes it was you doing it, but he’ll take Richie as a close second.

Richie steps in front of you, grabbing him by his collar, good. “How could you fuckin’ say that shit to Chippy—”

“Please don’t call me Chip.” Is the first thing you say, voice quiet, cracking. You’re pinching the bridge of your nose, hard, thumb nail digging in. Eyes closed. You’re trying to hold it down. “Not right now.”

And like a guard dog, Richie heels. Of course, Richie would find you more important than violence. He cares. You put a hand over Syd's, on your shoulder, squeezing it. “I’m good, Syd.”

Everyone knows you’re not good. Your voice cracks painfully, again, when you say you’re good. “Just gimme a second.”

“I love you, dude.”

“I know, Syd—” “Will you let me?” “I—”

You take one deep breath, slow, rubbing your thumb over her hand. She gives you a clean dish rag. You wipe your tears and blow your nose. When you lift your head back up, to face the crowd that is the kitchen, it’s like it never happened. Well, your face still has that puffiness and redness to it, and your eyes certainly look irritated and glassy. But you’ve gathered such resolve back, immediately. Hardened up, immediately. Turned off a sect of yourself. If Carmen didn’t know you, he doesn’t think he’d be able to tell you were just crying.

“Apologize,” —He'll grovel to high hell— “To Richie.”

Carmen’s eyes flicker with confusion, just for a second, you catch it. You repeat, clearer. “Apologize to Richie. Say you didn’t fuckin’ mean that.”

Carmen doesn’t need a broken jaw, to go speechless, apparently. You don’t care to defend yourself at all, here. Never put yourself first. He frowns, you don’t take it the right way, no, why would you? You speak with an extra layer of gravity.

“Berzatto.” Hurts worse than when you say Carmen with disappointment. Deserved punishment.

“I’m sorry, Richie…Not nothing.”

“Not fuckin’ forgiven—” You put a hand up, turning your head to face the man behind you. “Rich.”

“Oh, don’t—”

“Say sorry—” “He fuckin’ started it—” “You didn’t have to entertain it.” “He was bein’ a bitch—” “Jerimovich!”It’s more fun, when you do it to Richie. More kindergarten teacher like, breaking up a fight at recess.

“I’m fuckin’ sorry, Cousin.” Richie does not mean it. It’s okay. He doesn’t have to. He was right. Didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.

You turn back to Carmen, of whom you still will not make eye contact. That’s fair. “Can Richie take five?” He doesn’t like that you feel like you have to ask him for permission, now. “He’s gotta help me carry tools, to my car.”

That’s a chance to talk to you, alone. “I can—”

“No.” You shoot Carmen down quickly. “Richie’s got it. You’ve gotta keep your kitchen in order.”

That hurts. But he said it. He said it was his kitchen, he said you didn’t work here. You’re so much more than an employee. You’re family, everyone here treats you like family. This is your kitchen, too. He doesn’t really care what anyone else thinks, right now, but it also occurring to him that he said all that in front of everyone here, everyone who adores you. None of these people have seen this side of you— You didn’t come to the funeral. This is probably why. It’s pretty clear you don’t like crying in front of people, the way you immediately go somewhere else mentally.

Richie’s already walking, you didn’t actually ask him to grab your tools from the corner of the kitchen, but he just does it. Wordless. Richie knows how to show that he loves you. Carmen could learn, from that. Carmen could learn from Sydney too, she said it, and she’s still holding your arm.

Carmen takes a step forward to you, and what you mean by it, he’s not sure, but what he does see, is you take a step back. He immediately takes two steps back.

You’re very good. Too good, too good for anyone. Not gonna change my mind ‘bout that. That’s what he said to you, when you confessed you were worried he would ‘figure out’ you weren’t good. He lied to you. The other shoe dropped and he’s the one that made it.

You sniff, you feel bad for taking a step back, but you think if Carmen touched you right now, you’d have a full-blown meltdown, and you’d like to hold some modicum of respect amongst your peers here.

Carmen hates you. You didn’t expect that. But it’s fair. You’re not certain what he saw along with the joint bank account, but if he was able to put the pieces together, it makes sense. You failed his brother, failed Mikey. God, it’s still ringing in your ears. You killed him. Everyone knows that. Everyone hates you. He said the quiet thing, that everyone here knows, out loud. You didn’t do enough. You weren’t smart enough. You failed to do the one job you’ve been trained for, save someone, set them at ease— For fuckssake, just keep your friend from dying. Is that so fucking difficult? Was that so hard? He’s right to say it. You don’t have the right to be upset right now. He doesn’t owe you anything. You owe him.

You owe him.

You look to Syd, “You have a pen?”

You can tell she doesn’t like that you’re essentially blocking off the part of your brain that feels pain. What’d she expect? You were an E.M.T. for three years, you learned how to turn off your brain. She gives you the pen from her breast pocket anyways. You dig through your pants pocket for a slip of paper, oh shit, the note from Sweeps, you completely forgot about it. It’s a folded guest check, it says ‘B12’ on the front. Booth Twelve, you infer. You unfold and read Sweeps' chicken scratch. It’s nice to focus on something that isn’t the rotting feeling inside you… No fucking way.

“Sweeps!”

“Yuh-huh?” It’s nice that Sweeps has only just came back in from his smoke break. He has no idea why everyone’s shocked and/or enraged right now, and there’s something beautiful and perfect about that. Sanct.

“Did he seem serious?” You hold the note between two fingers for him to see and know what you’re talking about.

Sweeps shrugs, slipping his Marlboro pack into his inner breast pocket. “You can fuckin’ read that guy?”

A very fair call. You sigh, then flip the note over, it’s hard to write, using your hand as a pad, but it doesn’t really matter, neatness doesn’t matter. Just write it fast so you can get the fuck out of here and cry in your car about a boy that doesn’t love you and never will.

“Freezer door hotfix, eighty. Plumbing repair, took about four hours, that’s two-fifty. House call oven, seventy. Oven hotfix just now, plus replacement part costs… One-twenty.”

You hate doing this. It sucks to be doing this. This is what the fucking painting was for. Why couldn’t he just let you do it in the order you wanted? You were supposed to start this on a better page.

“Said I’d pay you back for that pinot, which is about twenty on wholesale, so… Five hundred even.”

You click and unclick the pen, several times, shoulders tensing. “I don’t think you need fixing, and I wasn’t trying to make up for anything. I’m sorry, Carmen.”

“I’m—” It’s the first time he’s tried to speak, and you just can’t let him. You can’t listen to his voice right now, you know it’s unfair, but you can’t, so you interrupt him.

“I didn’t tell Nat you covered the invoice.”

You hand him the note, careful to hold it at the very edges, so you don’t make contact when he takes it. “I owe you two thousand.”

At the bottom of your shoddy invoice, it reads, ‘Advanced Payment, M. Berzatto. $2,500.’

You told him it was fucking complicated.

He should’ve let it lie. He should’ve bitten his fucking tongue, like you did for him constantly. You told Nat her brother covered the invoice; you just didn’t say which one. Was it intentionally sneaky? Yeah, obviously, because how were you supposed to fucking explain that? It’s fucking complicated. But no, Carmen didn’t fucking want to hear anything you tried to explain, so you’re just gonna let his stupid fucking dumbfounded face stay that way. If he just told you what he actually saw, like a fucking adult, you could’ve done so, happily. But Carmen hates you, and he’s decided what you are. He probably doesn’t want to hear much of your voice, anyways. Keep it short.

“So just… I’ll just uhm… Wire you. Or something.”

You sigh, thinking about what’s on the other side of that fucking note. “You have my number, you can give it to him, if you want.”

The Exec liked the cherry and lamb dish. Of course he would, it was perfect. It also seems like he enjoys that you’re both smart and clearly ‘spunky’, or some shit. He wants the ‘wine girl’s’ number. Didn’t even bother to remember you said Jack. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll send the mystical wine girl his close friend Michelin Guide Inspector’s number, and maybe they’ll review the place. Maybe. Doesn’t matter to you. Not your kitchen.

A chance at a chance at a chance or your well-being? That’s Carmen’s choice now.

You snap your finger, pointing to the note, remembering. You never brought The Guy a wine, “Pinot Noir. Marcassin 2013. Top left shelf. Pit a cherry and put it on the rim.” It's the perfect pairing, for his dish.

At least get him a star, if he has to hate you.

When you start to move, Syd’s still holding onto you. You don’t pull her off, but you do put your hand over hers, and she knows what you want. She doesn’t care. She repeats. “Will you let me?”

Goddammit. Does she want you crying all over again? You’re trying very hard to not look like a wuss, right now. “I will. Just need five minutes alone, okay? I’ll wait outside.”

She doesn’t want to, but you’re not giving her many other options here, so Syd nods and lets you go. “Five minutes.”

“Five minutes.” You clap your hands together, eyes glazing over the rest of the staff. Rest of your family. You’re trying not to read their expressions because if you do you very well might scream, cry, and throw up all at the same time. “Everyone! Back to work! It’s half past five you’ve still got a whole night ahead, look alive, Chefs.”

You pass Carmen, careful not to bump shoulders. Just get out of here unscathed. Hopefully he’s not too mad about the dish swap. You made the right call. It won’t matter if he’s mad, anyways, actually, he already hates you.

At least be something of value, for him, if he has to hate you.

Richie’s out there, leaning against the trunk of your shitty 2004 Dodge Intrepid. How he knew it was yours, you’re not sure. Probably the goofy bumper stickers. It’s a piece of shit. Broken fob. You have to use your key to unlock the trunk. It still works. You speak at once.

“What the fuck was that?”

You both laugh, though it’s hollow. You unlock the trunk, Richie throws your tools in. He’s first to add. “You didn’t actually want me to fuckin’ apologize, did you?”

You shrug, head tilting back and forth, he kisses his teeth, you supplement. “Listen, the ‘you don’t have a kid’— Touch crazy.”

“He fuckin’ started it!” “I know he fuckin’ did, I’m not defendin’ him!”

You purse your lips. There was the other thing Richie said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t at the funeral, Cousin.”

“Ah, oh…” Richie attempts to wave it off, shrugging, as if it wasn’t a huge fucking deal to him just two minutes ago. “It’s good—”

“It’s not.” You interject. Richie always says he’s fucking good, when he’s not. He’s not good about Tif, he’s not good about the Exec making fun of him, he’s not good about you abandoning him, for a year. “It’s not good, Richie, and I’m sorry.”

You swallow, closing your trunk. You attempt to remember bits and pieces of your prepared speech, from dinner. But this is reality, and typically once transferred from your mind, it makes the words so much clunkier, lines forgotten, here and there.

“I should’ve been here, after. It was fucked up, that I just left. Made you hold it down, by yourself, and— And I can’t fucking imagine, Richie, how hard that must’ve been.”

Standing in The Bear is a touch easier, because it’s so different now. But Richie was there, days after Mikey died, in The Beef. Taking smoke breaks with a shadow that was no longer next to him. Forced to keep morale up, all by himself. You can imagine how hard it must’ve been, and that’s exactly why you stopped coming around.

Richie can only bring himself to nod, swiping his nose, because it’s starting to run.

“I— I didn’t cut you out. I want you to know that.” Carmen was so cruel, with that shit. “That wasn’t me cutting you out. I— I was tryna cut myself out.”

He halfheartedly laughs, confused. “Fucks that mean, Cousin?”

“I—” How can you word this in a way that isn’t just as cruel? “I didn’t think we were friends.”

He mimics being shot. You add, “Fuckin’ listen—” “Fuckin’ drive-by—”

“I just didn’t think— I don’t think anyone’s my friend, I don’t think.”

“What’s that even begin to mean?”

“I… I feel like… I’m just like… So insecure, about my place in relationships, that like— Like I’m not worth people’s time. Like we were only friends because we were friends with Mikey and we were handling him and I was like— Like I was helpful. So, like, when he died, it was like… We— There was no reason, for you to be friends with me, anymore. No us.”

Richie takes a moment, to digest it. The silence is terrible for you though, so you continue. “I’m startin’ to realize, that not likin’ myself, can actually really end up hurtin’ the people I love—”

“I’d still love you, even if you weren’t helpful. By the by.”

Richie’s interruption hits you in the chest like a fucking freight train. “Oh Jesus Christ, Richie—”

“What? What the fuck—”

“That was just fuckin’ crazy.” You cover your eyes, tears already coming to a head. He’s relieved, you mean crazy like good.

“Fuck, Richie, I love you.” You sniff, trying to look at him through watery eyes, it’s near impossible to do without warbling. “Man… You were here.”

Now it’s Richie’s turn to have his tear-jerking trigger phase said. “Oh, don’t start, Chip—”

“You were fucking here, Richie, Carmen doesn’t fuckin’ get that— No one gets that.” You’re kind of blubbering, honestly, starting to point at him, speaking emphatically. It might be better that this is happening in the parking lot rather than in the middle of the restaurant.

“You’re fucking— You’re fucking something, okay? Carmen is a bitch, you were right— You’re good, Richie. You’re fucking good and—and— You were here, and you’re important, and— And— I didn’t fuckin’ say that enough, back then. So, I’m fuckin’ doin’ it now. I love you, and I’m here, and if fuckin’— If Eva ever needs anything, I’m there, if you’re ever in need, I’m there. If you just want to fuckin— Fuckin’ text someone, and actually just hang out like Normals—I’m there for that, too. I’d even go to fucking Tif’s wedding with you, if that helped.”

Richie’s got a couple tears going, which is good for you, because it makes your sobbing less embarrassing. “Fuck, Cousin…” He looks down, rubbing the bridge of his nose, like a self-soothing technique. When he looks back up to face you, he blurts it out.

“You wanna see a Taylor Swift concert wit’ me?”

Your response is immediate and baffled, “What?”

“I’ve got three tickets for me n’ Eva but Tif won’t come, it’s in January.”

You take a moment to buffer, brain half moving out of the tender moment. Shaking your head in disbelief, still fully crying.

“Richie… That sounds, like the worst experience I could ever imagine. You couldn’t pay me to write an outing so perfectly curated to be the worst, for me.”

“Don’t fuckin’ hate on T Swift—” “Richie, I’d love to.”

The death grip grab and hug is so immediate. You feel bad for getting tears and probably snot on his coat, but he said himself it’s a knock off, so he’ll live.

“You didn’t fail Mikey, Chip.” He kisses the crown of your head. Richie must be a good dad. You’d tell him that, but he might overload, the man doesn’t get acknowledged much, you’ve got to take it slow with the praise. You don’t reply to his sentiment, so he repeats it.

“Y’did everythin’ you humanly could.”

“I could’ve done a couple things different.”

“So could I. It my fault, too, then?”

You both know very well, that you blame yourselves. And as much as both of you would like it to, this one cry-fest isn’t going to magically make all of those bleeding guilts go away. Especially not after Carmen tore those stitches right back open.

“Well, no—” “‘Xactly.”

But you accept it, for the moment. “…Okay.” For this moment, you get the lesson.

And you’ll both forget it tomorrow, when you have that split second in the A.M. Where Mikey is still alive, before you remember. But right now, it’s neither of your faults that the glue between you died and left you both to figure out how to still stick together. You stay in that hug for quite a while, crying and rocking back and forth, before Richie lets go saying, “Aright, I do actually need a fuckin’ cig.”

“You’re going to give me second hand smoke and kill me.”

He smirks, already fishing out a loosie from his pocket. “We can only hope.”

Despite your complaints and not being a smoker, you still pull out a lighter for him. Mom friend. Never know when you’re going to need a fire. You cup the flame for him. This is the worst Friday of your life, you’re pretty sure. But here is Richie, sticking beside you. And here you are, sticking beside him.

Syd steps out, she keeps crossing between a walk and a jog to you two, unsure of what looks more awkward. You don’t know, but you do know the option of switching between both is easily the most awkward.

She asks, walk-jogging up to you, “Are you good?”

“I’ve been better.”

She grabs your face in her hands, reviewing your puffy bleary-eyed face. Just looking at it makes her want to cry, too. You hold her wrists. “M’sorry for cryin’ in your kitchen. I know that’s the type shit you deal with all the time—”

Richie and Syd speak in unison, a rarity, for them to be on the same page. “No the fuck it’s not.”

Sydney continues, “That was extremely not normal. Crazy fucked up of him to say that shit— I don’t even know like— Like any of the backstory, but even I know that was fucked up to say.”

You sniff, nodding slightly. “Yeah, a little.”

“A lot.”

You nod, no longer fighting to downplay it. That was fucked up of Carmen, you don’t need to try to make it seem less bad. “Yeah, a lot.”

She nods back, still holding your face. Bandaged fingers pressed against your head. “What d’you wanna do?”

“Go home?” Cry? Eat freezer cake?

“Well, yeah.” She chuckles, so you do too. “I mean like, like—” She nods behind her, to The Bear. What do you want to do going forward? Never talk to him again? I’ll do it, too. She’s saying, wordlessly.

“I— I don’t fuckin’ know.” You admit, laughing, but hollow. The very idea of reconciliation feels impossible, at the moment. “I think I’m just gonna, fuckin’ ignore it, until it comes up. Just don’t break shit until I figure it out, I guess.”

“Wedding gig is gonna be so awkward.”

“Oh, fuck—” Entirely forgot, about the wedding gig, next weekend. Vinnie and Mira, destination wedding. New York.

Richie pipes in, “Tonight’s gonna be awkward enough, don’t even wanna go the fuck back in.”

Syd nods, letting go of your face. “I think like, half the kitchen wants to walk right now, just to fuck with him. I do, too. Should we just say fuck this and go to Mattina?”

“Don’t think they’re open, only do breakfast and lunch.” Richie knows their hours; it wasn’t always just Mikey and you there. He takes a drag, he blows it away from you, so you don’t get second hand smoke.

“Fuck... Could do Denny’s? Inky, you fuck with Denny’s, still?”

‘Think once you realize, you’ll leave, and it’ll all leave with you.’ That’s what Carmen was scared of, exactly. What he thought would happen, if the other shoe dropped. Is this you leaving? This might be you leaving. This should be more dramatic, if this is you leaving, shouldn’t it? There should be finale music ringing in your ears, somehow. But instead, you’re in a parking lot with a chain smoker and your girl, making shitty diner plans.

You can’t let them leave Carmen. So much work cannot be wasted just for your hurt heart. You shake your head— Then nod, confusing yourself. “I—I do still fuck with Denny’s, but y’all have to go back in, you can’t fuck him over.”

“I very specifically want to fuck him over.” Syd’s quick to reply, Richie nods, agreeing. These two are only bonding over a mutual love of you and a current mutual hate of Carmen.

“You gotta get your star, Squid.”

She swallows, at that. She loves you, she does. But you’re right. You always are. This is her entirely livelihood and career, she can’t just dip out, because of a fight. She’s done it before, during the worst rush of her life, but that was small potatoes compared to this.

“Go hold it down,” You look at both of them, nodding to The Bear. “Don’t let anyone walk, solidarity is cute, but I’ll be okay.”

Regardless of how right you are, both Richie and Syd boo you. “Let him drown!”

It’s hard not to laugh. “Fuckin’ —guys— I’m serious.”

“I’m fuckin’ serious too, Chip!” Richie jabs at your shoulder, lightly, “Thought you said you take me fuckin’ serious?”

“Bitch—” You click your tongue, pointing at him, sighing. You can’t help but smile. They’re both on your team, to the bitter end. “I will see you at the wedding, aright? I’ll text you, both of you.”

“You driving, too?”

You and Syd both back up, for a second, expressions baffled. You’re first to ask Richie, “You’re driving?”

He’s equally confused. “What, you’re fuckin’ flying?”

“Cicero’s paying, why wouldn’t we?”

“Uncle Jimmy is fuckin’ paying?!” Richie gives him an emotionally charged chocolate covered banana and still hasn’t gotten on Uncle’s good side? This is bullshit.

“He’s paying for everyone! Or at least I thought he was—” Syd replies for you. “That was like the whole fuckin’ deal— Did you not get emailed a boarding pass?”

“No! He told me to get gas— You’re fuckin’ flying—?”

You clap your hands together, “Richie, what the fuck is going on in your life that this is not the first thing that you clarified for plans?” You tap Syd on the shoulder, “Marcus said he’s cool with switching seats, by the way, so we can sit together.”

“I have a fuckin kid, aright—”

“Ooohh—” You and Syd mock him in unison. “We get it.” “Whoop-di-doo.” “Did you hear, Squid?” “What’s that, Inky?” “Richie has a kid!” “What? No way. He definitely doesn’t bring it up all the fuckin’ time.”

“Alright, fuck you two.” He waves you both off. “Plane's gonna crash.”

Syd shrugs, “You’re doing a twelve-hour road trip, you’re gonna crash—”

“Fucks Inky mean anyways? Stupid ass nickname—” “Oh, like Chip is so original—” “Actually, a dead guy coined it, so betchu feel real dumb now—” “I’m not capable of feeling dumb—”

You interrupt, “Girls, girls, you’re both beautiful.”

That quells them with snorts of laughter, quickly. They both shove at you. Equilibrium.

You explain to Rich, “I called Syd ‘Squid’ in high-school— Literally just ‘cause it sounds funny, and uh, she felt jealous that she didn’t have one for me—”

“I don’t know if jealous is the word—” “So Inky just became the call n’ response. Cause, cause squid ink?”

“Yeah, I’m not fuckin’ stupid. I can do two plus two, Chip.” Richie tucks his hands in his pockets. It’s starting to get a little chilly. You’re now remembering you left Carmen’s jacket at expo. Goddammit, now you’re remembering Carmen and your heart hurts again. You hug your shoulders.

“What’s Chip, anyways?” Syd asks, you and Richie both cringe, just slightly. Syd mimics it. “Bad?”

You shrug, “Just… It takes a lot, to explain, I guess.” Personal. “We’ll need a trip to Denny’s, for that one.”

“So? Let’s go.”

What did you just say. “Bitch—”

“Heard.” Syd cuts you off, laughing. She gives you a tight hug. “Text me when you get home.”

You hug her back, even tighter, if possible. “I will.”

“I’m glad you’re back.” It’s been three years, since you were really daily friends with Syd. And though you clicked right back into place no problem, in this hug, the feeling really starts to set in of how much you two needed each other this whole time. It’s been so long since you both had a best friend. It was good to be apart, and learn things apart, but now you’re both back. It’s not just Richie that you returned to.

“I’m glad I’m back, too.” You clap her back a few times, before letting go. “Alright, it’s been like ten fucking minutes, go be great. Get a star. Or a chance at a chance for a star.”

“Heard, Chip.” “Heard, Ink.”

One last hug from Richie, before they head back in, and you pop in your car, and drive off. Back home. Music blasts from your radio the entire ride, to keep you from thinking. Screaming along to diss tracks help soothe the soul in any scenario, you think. Won’t let anything hit, this way.

A stray cat, the stray cat, the one you feed on your fire escape, is surprise surprise, on your fire escape, when you get home. She’s (you think she’s a she, you’re not super sure how to check, you’re a former E.M.T, not a Vet tech.) biting the flowers you potted out there. The flowers Carmen stole for you.

After a quick google check to make sure none of them are poisonous to cats, you let her. Let the cat decide how much of him stays. You dish out a pile of kibble for her on the one black plate Carmen gave you. You leave it on the fire escape, long after she finishes. Let the elements decide if it gets ruined.

Let Carmen breaking your text streak, never sending you a belated Connections result tonight, decide if this is the end.

This could be the end.

The same picture frame that fell off your wall, just two weeks ago, when you were making the painting for Carmen, falls again. You grumble, picking up the picture frame, setting it on the coffee table. You’ll nail it up properly in the morning. You roll your eyes at the phantom that you’re never certain actually haunts you.  “Mikey, shut the fuck up, this is your fault, y’know…”

You sigh, staring nowhere. The wind blows against your window.  “I guess it's both our faults.”

You drag your feet, walking to your bedroom.

“I know you said I’d be a perfect match for your little brother, but at this point, I’m taking that as a read.”

It was so fun for me, the way y'all were like, ah, i'm sure this'll be so painful when this is resolved next chapter because Carmen will scream at her about it. hahahahahhaha-- You think the least yet most direct bitch of all time was going to actually confront what he was upset about? NO1!!!!!!! WE'VE ONLY GOT MORE QUESTIONS NOW. WHAT THE FUCK CARMEN!!! What's with that Advanced Payment? And I didn't lie bro, go back and read it, Tony did say Nat's brother covered it. Sneaky sneaky....

Oh, also. Y'all thought I would let the freezer fight slide by? Naahhhh, golden moment of television, just delayed the inevitable muhahahahha and got the FAILED MIKEY?!?!?!?! BROOOOOOOO was it as bad as you thought it would be or no? worse? better? lmk

I loved writing Syd and Richie w/ Tony here. I can't believe any of you thought I wouldn't see Richie and Tony's much needed reconciliation through--- If this was a Richie fanfic, 100% this would've been their smooch moment, fr. Also if you're a taylor swift fan, please don't be mad at me i was doing a funny okokokokokok-- (I also just think it means a lot more, if it's something she doesn't want to do, but will, for him)

i know it's technically still 2022 in their universe but tony was in that fucking car ride home listening to fuckin Ain't Shit, HISS, euphoria, Like That, Not Like Us, Not Nice (YOUR MAMA AINT WORTH THE CRACK YOU SMOKE BITCH!!!!!!!) I know she was so heated in there.

We've got a taglist, I'm bad at keeping track of it, but remember if u wanna be added to this silly little thing you need to hand in an essay (more like a cute lil paragraph) tellin' me what you thought! And also ask. Duh. BUT YA GOTTA DO BOTH!~

@anytim3youwant @navs-bhat @whoknowswhoiamtoday @gills-lounge @slut4supersoldiers @sinceweremutual @itsallacotar @catsrdabestsocks101 @popcornpoppin @renaissance-painting @lostinwonderland314 @v0ctin

I am sorry if your tag doesn't work this is why I hate tag lists tumblr always makes me manually type and sometimes it still don't even work...

As always, i'm always so grateful that you've given me your attention with reading, and if you have thoughts, i'd love to hear em! I always read your comments/reblogs too, even if I don't always reply. Adore y'all.

Next Part

[dreamiesdotcom]

perhaps, Cupid | nct dream

Summary: You lay down in your bed, watch 13 change to 14 as the clock passes 11:59. You close your eyes, sigh, and hope that the world stops at 12:00 before promptly deciding that Valentine's Day is cancelled.

word count: 2.3k

moon's note: idk why but i usually give gifts during occasions... and out of random... but since its v-day and i caNT give y'all any gifts because idk which part of the world you lovelies are at, so maybe you can please have 2322 words of my nonsense? I tried

When Lee Jeno, the infamous Na Jaemin's best friend, walked inside the room to the dance club's meeting room with all sheepish 'Hello's and eye-smiles, you underestimated just how much havoc he could bring into your life. He seemed way too soft for his own good like he had no mischief under his sleeve — the exact reason why when he poked your sides to get your attention and asked you if you'd "help the dumb kids get together", you were more thrilled than concerned.

Right now, you think you should've agreed with Renjun and said 'that's a bad idea'.

Donghyuck, Jaemin's dormmate, wasn't even there when you planned things out, but well, you blame him. Jaemin bitterly staring at Jisung as the younger gets cuddled by Chenle? Hyuck's fault. Jisung blushing incomprehensible whenever it's Jaemin's turn to dance? Hyuck's fault. It's been days and resident sweet boy absolutely makes no move to court Jisung? Hyuck's fault as well.

"This pining is painful to watch," even Renjun can't help but point out even if he didn't even agree to the plan. Jeno sends you a victorious smile. "Jaemin, he's crushing hard on you."

"Yes, but what if he doesn't like me because—" you don't even get to clearly hear his reasons. You shake your head. Jeno's smile falters.

Jaemin sulks a lot about Jisung spending more time with Renjun than he does with Chenle, and asks the other if Jisung has a crush on him. Renjun groans in loathing, asks him to just go and make a move and repeats the same speech for days. Days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, and absolutely nothing happens.

Oh, well, maybe something did. Maybe along the way, you realized that Lee Jeno is one hell of an attractive man.

"Heaven's, Jeno, stop it! Stop pushing me to the side, I can't see what they're doing!"

"They're reading a book for the subject Jisung's tutoring Jaemin in."

"It's a library. Aren't you just inquisitive? That's why they're here. Now let me see!"

"Y/N!"

"Jeno!" you hiss back, still whisper-yelling turning to decently state at him only to find that he's already looking at you. You tilt away in shock, "Flippity pancakes, distance!"

You see, when you start matchmaking, the goal is to get people together — definitely not fall in love with your partner in crime.

"Just say fuck, no one would kill you," he hisses back. The same whining tone is there as he peeks on the other table, "Saying 'flippity pancakes' in a weird accent doesn't wash away your intentions, so just say it already."

"No."

"I dare you."

"No!"

"I double-dare you."

"Jeno."

"Y/N."

"No."

"Do it," he huffs,"Say 'fuck'."

The way he mouths it as if teaching a child to say their first words make you burst out laughing, and for the rest of the day, you forget the mission and get lost into playing games of your own in the library, muffled hums and all. Renjun decides that he's not gonna get any studying done at this table and waves you both goodbye, and you watch as Jeno smiles at him, an expression worthy to compare to that of a luminous star.

And oh, you're in love.

It wasn't all your fault, though. Jeno was way too pretty, too lovely to not fall for. It just so happens that like the fate of you and all things beautiful, you don't deserve him.

You don't deserve him, so he never gets to know.

###

"Be my date for Valentine's day?"

"Hell no."

Apparently, his family has this little gathering that coincidentally matched that time, and he stubbornly refuses to go alone. Why you ask? No reason. He just doesn't want to 'go alone and be forced to socialize with mean cousins' and you spent most of the time teasing about how he's probably one of the mean kids in his family. The rest of the bus ride on the way to school remains silent aside from the neverending proposals and bribings — "I'll treat you candy for one month! I'll do whatever you say for three months! I'll even do your assignments!"

It would be a lie to say it's not tempting, but oh, isn't this just the perfect opportunity to ask Jisung out? The enthusiasm in Jeno's eyes matches yours, and the answer is obvious here: Exactly.

For a whole different reason, the bus ride home is silent too. You sit side by side in pure quiet, Jaemin tugging at your sleeves every now and then to gain your attention. You brush him off, keeping your head against the glass with your eyes closed. You don't speak even after getting inside his apartment and the indifference makes Donghyuck pause halfway his concerned nagging, deciding to usher Renjun and Jeno out with such lame excuse of buying ingredients for dinner.

You go straight to their bathroom to get some supplies, and Jaemin sits on the couch, antsy. He silently curses Donghyuck for leaving, Huang Renjun and Lee Jeno too, those traitors. You sit in front of him, doing your stuff without making eye contact.

"Please talk to me—"

"Shut up."

A dejected whimper leaves his lips, and you quite possibly break. You sigh as if to calm down, and you mutter a warning: "Don't."

"But why aren't you talking to me?"

Why... why would you even ask that?

"You promised me, Jaemin. You made a promise to me." you coldly say, dainty fingers pressing cotton against the cut in his lip. "You promised me that you'll stop getting into fights."

Realization seems to flash in his eyes. He seems torn between reasoning and apologizing, but first, he chases after the hand you pulled away from him. You shrug him off harshly this time.

"I did, for the longest time, you saw that! But he called Jisung a—" he looks at you with betrayed eyes, as if a kicked puppy. He never liked that tone. He never liked how distant that felt coming from you, so tears brim his eyes. "Don't be so cold to me..."

"Jisung let him be. Isn't that enough hint that it's not worth it?" your tone remains the same. The fear in your chest remains stubborn, and no matter how many times he squeezes the hand he's holding, it doesn't bring you ease. It only urges tears that you try so hard to hold back as you croak out,

"Jaemin, this will not make him fall in love with you."

The world seems to pause.

"But I already love him." He answers quickly, honestly, and the raw sincerity in his tone is just a fine, thorough stab in the gut. "And I just want to protect him."

It's painful how you're not even regretting this as much as you should — maybe, part of the reason you keep on chasing him is because it's painful. True to your twisted self, maybe it's the sole reason after all. You don't know why you keep on doing this to yourself — you hate it. You hate how the more things hurt you, the deeper you fall. You hate how you can't seem to tear away from him as quick as possible because you know that what comes next will be even more painful, and might even destroy you.

With all these thoughts inside your mind, you let him lean his head in the crook of your neck, holding him in the way you always wanted. Selfishly, you hope that it could always be like this.

"I know, Nana..." you whisper, his locks soft as silk as you brush them with your fingers. "and for the exact same reason, I want to protect you too."

You take a deep, shaky breath. "So don't hurt yourself. Not for anyone, not for the world... no matter how much you love them."

Why is it so easy to say the things that'd keep you safe, but so hard to even attempt just following them? It's as if the Universe wants you hurt, wants to see you bleed unshed blood. It doesn't make sense.

The rules have been pretty simple; never fall in love. You're helping people get together — you come later, priorities first. Don't fall in love; not with your partner, not with your other accomplices, and especially, not with the fools you're helping.

The rule has been simple. Only that you think, it was way easier to break them than to follow, and you've failed this rule pretty early on.

Just how can you not adore Na Jaemin?

###

You laugh loudly, almost hitting your head to your headboard as you look at Jisung's post. In the picture, Jaemin smiles bubbly, and the caption's way too cheesy to read. Even though you were the one who helped them get together, it's still hard to believe that they actually did, these messes of human beings. You type out a quick 'Congrats to surviving one year together. Give credits to my brain cells, pls' and then turning the device off.

You lay down in your bed, watch 13 change to 14 as the clock passes 11:59. You close your eyes, sigh, hope the world stops at 12:00 before promptly deciding that Valentine's Day is cancelled.

Your phone vibrates in your hold, and you grumble.

From: not hyuck

Hi

It's Valentine's day

Let's use that as an excuse to get ice cream at midnight

You stir, set on ignoring his message, but you quickly shoot up once you hear the sound of something — hopefully not pebbles, God, let it not be pebbles — hitting your window. Seriously?!

To: not hyuck

Is that

Is that you throwing stones at my fucking window

STOP YOU MIGHT BREAK THE GLASS

And that's exactly how you found yourself with sticky fingers from the desert's residue, watching red lights cover the city in celebration of love. It seems ironic. Today of all days, you don't feel dear at all — it's alright, you convince yourself, it's been a year and it's hurting less now.

It's all lies, of course. It doesn't matter that it wasn't this painful all the other days; what matters is that now it hurts, and it fucking hurts like hell.

From up here, if you spread your arms and think hard enough, the wind would make it seem as though you're flying. You do just like that, the flavor of vanilla suddenly so bitter on your tongue as you realize that there's no escape. Oh, how you hate this day. It makes you chuckle.

Renjun sighs, "What's troubling you?"

"Fun. What gave me away?"

"Your eyes." He shrugs. "They sure tell more things about you than your mouth does."

"How do they look?" you ask out of curiosity, unconsciously moving up to feel your lashes. "My eyes..."

"Well, right now... they look kind of conflicted. Sad. Happy. Somewhere in between, like the person who owns them... doesn't really know. And, well, they're incredibly..." Renjun ponders for a bit; beautiful, he wanted to say. "Hard to read."

"Doesn't sound like it if you said that much."

Did it sound so rude that you were nonchalant? Probably. You're too tired to mind, though. It'd be a lie to say you didn't expect this, to feel alone once they get together, to be scared of being erased in their lives, to be afraid of being less important now. You knew none of them would be real, but that doesn't stop you from being afraid. Would it make sense to say you don't care at all, at this point? To say you don't give a damn when truly, you do. You care so much you feel indifferent.

"You liked them, didn't you?"

And then comes along the question you're most afraid of.

"You were in love with Jisung... now, you're in love with Jaemin." he muses to himself, "Yet you're the one making sure they end up together. What the hell are you?"

Since there's no place for lies in friendship...

"Do you see the way they look? They deserve to be happy, and me... well. Well, I..." you search for words you can't seem to find. After all, you don't even know where to go now — isn't this what you wanted? For Jisung and Jaemin to get together. What's this all about? You bemusedly shake your head, "Should've just fallen for you, huh."

Accelerate, heartbeat, flying — you turn to look at his direction — your eyes tell, your eyes say so much... how do you feel?

"You'd catch me, right, Renjunnie?"

"I'm not some back-up plan, excuse you." He rolls his eyes, huffing, "But, why not? Certainly. Would be my pleasure."

You stare at him in wonder, awestruck, amused and amazed. It's just a random joke you made so you wouldn't have to answer him truthfully, but goddamn, this — you feel oddly seen, chosen; as if you've never been chosen before. Maybe he's right. His heart picks up speed as more minutes pass in silence, so he looks away and smiles sheepishly.

Renjun closes his eyes briefly, "You didn't answer my question, though. To do whatever the hell you were doing... what the fuck are you?"

Both poison and sugar linger on your lips as you smile.

"Perhaps, Cupid."

Maybe, yes, right, Cupid. Makes sense. A matchmaker who creates perfect love, and quite possibly, trouble. Always setting people up but maybe not themselves. Renjun agrees, and so he whispers,

"Suits you. An angel."

You stare at him again, only this time around it's soft but startled, and for a brief moment of losing himself, Renjun whispers in his mind — hey, Cupid. Love me, will you?

Instead, in the real world, he gives you the same exact gaze — only fonder. Renjun knows. He knows that you fell in love thrice in this journey; once, with Park Jisung, another, with Lee Jeno, and lastly, with Na Jaemin. 

Maybe, just maybe, Renjun wishes that at this tale of Valentine's chapter closed, you'll fall in love with him too.

[vesperstalksclones]

Ramblings of a Bipolar Geek girl.

And a picture of this sexy mother fucker who is haunting my shit RN and is viscerally intertwined with all my hot messy-ness. And why not?

Really this is just brain droppings. I'm ramping up in to what will likely be a doozy of an episode, so I needed a dumping ground and Tumblr seemed like the place.

I own that diagnosis, Bipolar, and not like in a fad way. I mean chemically messed up. My PsychNP who tends my medicine chuckles and pats me on the head when we talk. She loves my stories and our visits are usually more like coffee with a favorite aunt. Not a call for help or anything. I'm good. I think if you've started reading, then you'll find some things to laugh at.

Eh... OK. A&P/Psychiatry lesson. A lot of people talk about Bipolar disorder, but I've found the average person knows very little about psychological disorders beyond "crazy". Specifically, I am medicated for Bipolar II. Bipolar I and II both suffer from the hellish depression that comes in the cycle, but bipolar I is characterized by periods of mania that can get quite uncontrollable and self destructive. Like the things you hear about people running up tens of thousands of $$ on credit cards or selling their house on a whim. Bipolar II still has the manuc episodes, but not so severe. Its a wild ride, but mostly fun and exhilarating. But, well, thats mania. Like, I go through bouts of insomnia, obsessive behavior, blasts of energy; it feels like your personality is trying to shatter your skin and fly off in every direction at once.

The insomnia gets old, and the jitteryness can be obnoxious at times, but the obsessions are downright funny. In the past, oh years ago, I remember a year (I go in nice neat 3 month cycles) where I had a food obsession with fruit roll-ups (an American snack common in kids lunch pails if you're not familiar). So, my last episode was late May - June. I had a new opsession and or new symptom. I thought it was just this mysterious hormonal change that I hear talked about on sitcoms and movies and etc where a middle aged woman suddenly becomes a cougar. Well.... suddenly my mania comes with ADVANCED HORNY. Now, I'm a geek, always have been. And suddenly, this new manic horny thing (and my Puss Puss) said "Look! Fictional characters! And they have genitalia! Imma gonna latch on to this hard!" Somehow the worst of the obsession landed on my beloved clone boys.... and well I started my Tumblr account and poured in smut - fics, pics, follows, etc. After a few weeks, things calmed down. And I thought... well that was refreshing, sorry its over. NOW - three-ish months on.. its BACK. Next manic cycle and skin melting horny have me their grip! Is this shit here to stay?

Ok so... some of y'all write about this or that character going through a heat cycle or a rut... well... this bitch knows what that feels like. I can barely function. I am humming like a fucking tuning fork. I've changed my drawers twice today (sorry, gross but lol) and any conscious thought involves some depraved behavior involving specific handsome brown men. AND THE DREAMS I HAD LAST NIGHT! My stars and garters, I couldn't properly look Nitro in the eye this morning when he got up for work! (No worries, he and I have a happy comfortable relationship and we can talk openly about sex and people we admire and etc. That and IDK what my sexual orientation is so we can appreciate boobs together happily, but this can be another entertaining blog post)

LIke srsly, Temuera Morrisson, Sam Witwer, Dee Bradley Baker, Liam Neeson, and Ewan McGregor should consider getting ready for retraining orders against me. The money I would pay just to have these guys talk at me.. well... might rival that shit I said about Bipolar I mania 🤣.

All things considered... mania is exhausting. Your brain is on constant fast forward and I feel like there is a veil between me and the world. Im sure I'll do or say some stupid things that might embarass me later on, but right now everything seems fair game, kind of like being drunk or something. IDK. So that being said... time to sip some coffee, draw some clone dick,... and maybe write down some of those dreams from last night. Seems a shame not to share! 😁🥰

Love you babies! ✌

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: 👓 Fraze: ⛔ Bea: You'll get a right headache Fraze: Nah Fraze: Be more of one if I put 'em on 🤓 Bea: 🙄 Bea: be so 😎 when you don't pass this test Fraze: I ain't gonna either way Bea: Not with that attitude Bea: why not Fraze: Didn't study, like Fraze: too busy Bea: can't see, like Bea: such a bullshit excuse Fraze: Fuck off, I can see Bea: Alright well the squint doesn't look cute so you'll want to knock that on the head Fraze: Nobody's looking my way but you, babe Fraze: This ain't a paper to cheat off Bea: Better 🤞 they ain't Bea: since you're so concerned what they reckon, apparently Fraze: what are you on one for? Bea: you're distracting me with all your faces Bea: just put 'em on, idiot Fraze: You're distracting me with all this bullshit, that I'm reading easy, by the way Fraze: You know you're copycatting my Ma right now, yeah? That don't sound cute so you'll wanna knock it on the head even faster Bea: Not the same, your phones not even a foot from your face Fraze: And? Bea: 🤓 go sit up front Fraze: fuck that Bea: exactly Bea: what's the big deal anyway Fraze: you're the only one making a big deal out of it Fraze: like I said, Ma will be well proud Bea: whatever Bea: be like that then Fraze: Like what? Fed up that I'm getting a headache off you Fraze: Stop kicking off and get your own test done Bea: Bollocks Bea: you know why you've got a headache, even if you refuse to do anything about it Fraze: I ain't asking you to do anything about it except shut up Fraze: give it a shot if you wanna help, like Bea: you shut up Bea: go lie in a dark room Bea: that'll be cool Fraze: Miss ain't letting me go mid test, feeling fake sick is the oldest trick in the book Fraze: catch yourself on, she has Bea: it's not even fake Bea: you'll be seeing spots in a few Fraze: Who died and made you such a fucking expert? Bea: don't take a genius, babe Fraze: Shame, prime showing off opportunity slipping through your fingers there Bea: Get the chance when I ace this, won't I Fraze: 'Course Fraze: probably wanna concentrate then, yeah? Bea: what are you gonna do? Fraze: I reckon I'll text some girls who ain't you Bea: yeah, that's what I meant Bea: and that'll help Fraze: It won't hurt Fraze: Unlike the suggestions I'm ignoring from you Bea: Your funeral Bea: didn't you listen either Bea: if you don't get at least 50% you've got to come back and do it again at lunch Fraze: Me and Miss, it's a date Bea: enjoy Fraze: Cheers Bea: [slides him notes along the floor that's like everything from the board in as few words as possible 'cos that bitch] Bea: get it 'fore your mate does Fraze: [obvs takes he cos not gonna pass up that opportunity] Fraze: Why'd you bother? Bea: not like it took me long Fraze: Yeah but it ain't like you're gonna miss me that much at lunch Bea: Obviously Bea: idk does it matter Fraze: You tell me, you're the one being proper helpful today Bea: yeah don't say thanks or anything Fraze: Alright I won't Bea: 🙄 Fraze: You done already? Bea: yeah Fraze: fucking hell Bea: I ain't sending you the answers next Bea: before you even ask Fraze: Come on Bea: you ain't thick Bea: you can do it yourself Bea: and I wouldn't want to interrupt your lunchdate Fraze: Worth a try Bea: put half that effort in with your work Bea: mum enough for you? Fraze: 😂 Fraze: Yeah, you nailed it Bea: 👍 Bea: I'll take my bow Fraze: Let me get my 👓 on first, I'd be gutted to miss it, babe Bea: Funny Fraze: Nah but I'm trying to get this done, ain't I Bea: oh what, you'll be so much funnier when you're not busy Bea: sure 👌 Fraze: shut up Fraze: 'course I would Fraze: ask anyone in here, my rep precedes me Bea: maybe they've just got low-standards Fraze: Funny Bea: I'm done so Bea: got the time Fraze: not gonna clap for you like a proud Ma Bea: s'alright Bea: plenty will Bea: you focus Fraze: Let me then Fraze: Think about your 🌟s and head pat 🤓 Bea: like I care Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: I could be legit blind and still see how much you give a shit Bea: not about what anyone here thinks Bea: getting the grades to be where I wanna be, obviously Bea: what else is there, not gonna waste my time here when we've got to be Fraze: Never said it was for 'em, did I? Fraze: smarter than that, cheers Fraze: Even if this test don't show it Bea: I don't care what Miss reckons either Bea: and I said you weren't thick Bea: don't need to impress me Fraze: 'Cause Miss don't know fuck all and you're still the smartest person I know Fraze: I ain't trying to impress you, if you are, you are, babe Bea: Didn't say either way Fraze: whatever Bea: how you doing Fraze: give me the answers to the last couple and I'll be alright Bea: really Fraze: Why not? Fraze: what else you doing? Bea: you're such a pisstake Fraze: I'll be your best mate Bea: 😂 Bea: what an offer Fraze: told you I'm funny Bea: funny enough to be bezzies is another question Bea: hmm Fraze: You've got time to think it over, already heard that brag, like Fraze: can have more too if we fuck off after this Bea: yeah Bea: a valid point Bea: we've only got bullshit left today so Fraze: and I've got a headache Fraze: we both know what the best cure for that is Bea: 🍾? Fraze: Exactly Fraze: I got some hidden Bea: See? Bea: smarter than you look Fraze: You can just admit you're impressed now Bea: nah Bea: see how I feel after a few Fraze: there's 🚬 as well Bea: when did you get them Fraze: [throws her a smug look like 😏 IRL excuse him miss whoever] Bea: [looks back and pretends to be 😒 if the teacher looks but can't help but be a lil 😏] Bea: seriously where was I Fraze: [does an exaggerated stretch and puts his feet up on his desk to signal he's done cos pleasure to have in class] Fraze: dunno Bea: ugh Bea: how many have you saved me Fraze: loads Bea: awh Bea: cheers Fraze: What can I say? Great manners Bea: I'll tell your mum Bea: so proud 💘 Fraze: I'll take any good lad points I can get Bea: how many mates are you bringing for those points then? Fraze: For now you'll do Fraze: you really know how to stroke an ego, like Fraze: make a boy feel decent about himself Bea: not what mates are for Bea: you've been doing it wrong boys Fraze: 😂 Bea: I'll put a good word in for you with girls that ain't your ma Bea: how's that Fraze: I don't need your help Bea: sure Fraze: and what makes you reckon they'd listen to you? It'd put 'em off if anything Bea: why would it Bea: rude Fraze: just saying, not your mates, are they? Bea: doesn't matter Bea: everyone knows I'm smart Bea: regardless Fraze: book smart ain't people smart Fraze: they don't know you're that Bea: don't patronize me Fraze: don't be patronized when I ain't being Bea: yes, you are Bea: like I'm some stunted loser that can't speak to people Fraze: I'm saying none of 'em ever have a clue what's going on, that's it Bea: no shit Fraze: So get over yourself, it weren't about taking the piss out of you Bea: fuck off Bea: what was it about then Bea: telling me shit I already know Fraze: you fuck off Fraze: one rule for you, yeah? Bea: Asking where your fucking glasses are isn't patronizing Fraze: Treating me like a fucking kid is Bea: you act like one Fraze: fuck you Bea: seriously Bea: you can't see, just put them on, it's not hard Fraze: mind your own business, it's not hard Bea: fine Fraze: good Bea: bye then Fraze: Jesus, they're broken, alright Fraze: are you happy now? Bea: No Bea: how broken though? Fraze: am I fucking optician like? Bea: well is it the frame or the lens'? Bea: because we can fix the frame Fraze: If I put 'em on I'd look like the kitchen window after Joe took that wanky free kick and busted it but I said it was me Bea: Hmm Bea: okay, so you need to tell your ma and yeah she'll have a go about looking after your shit better but under 16s are free so it won't be massive drama Bea: until then we can steal one of those carbon copy pads from the art room, easy two sets of notes Fraze: That's actually a decent idea Fraze: first one you've had Fraze: almost reckoned you'd lost the knack, babe Bea: piss off Bea: you know I hadn't and how often I have them Fraze: don't make me actually laugh Bea: no laughing matter, boy Bea: you're such a 🃏 Fraze: [drumming the tune of ace of ♠s with his pencil on his desk so she can hear cos pleasure to have in class again ha] Bea: wow wanna start a band Bea: sure Joe will be in Fraze: 'Cause what he needs is more groupies Fraze: fuck that Bea: 😂 Bea: idk if he's there yet Bea: or they'd like that term Fraze: can we get out of here yet or what? Bea: Oh so you think we're cool again Bea: just 'cos I've solved all your problems Fraze: Come on, you know you wanna go Bea: Maybe Fraze: You don't wanna be stuck here, ain't no maybe about that, babe Bea: alright Bea: let's go Fraze: yeah Bea: can we 🚬 before we run Fraze: 'Course Fraze: who the fuck do you reckon you're asking, like? Bea: 😏 Bea: alright Bea: calm down Fraze: That ain't really me either, is it? 😏 Bea: 😱 are you saying I don't know you that well after-all? Fraze: you ain't got nothing to prove to me Bea: damn right Fraze: [let's say the bell goes so they can leave] Bea: [hit up that smoking spot lads] Fraze: [5ever a mood but don't get caught thank you] Bea: [don't need that today they'd be pros by now] Fraze: [when you're so little still but so grown oh my heart] Bea: [probably the youngest there awh] Fraze: [they so would be, little badasses that can hold their own and Bea is the smolest lil egg] Bea: [when you're cute so sketchy older boys always let you hang its just a thing] Fraze: [and when you could beat older lads in a fight and probably have] Bea: [#squad] Fraze: [gotta go get the booze from the hiding spot, probably buried Alaska style ha, none of the rest of y'all are invited bye] Bea: [toodles] Fraze: [where should we send 'em? playground or somewhere more secret so they won't get spotted?] Bea: [hmm probably be snekky] Fraze: [good plan] Bea: [I don't think Rocky has been born yet so they could attempt the house first lol] Fraze: [oh yeah good point let's send 'em there first and then they can always run if they think they hear someone should we want] Bea: [risque, they would, also not a huge walk] Fraze: [exactly dr phil] Bea: [okay so it is a bit cliche but in a good way I think, 'cos usually these moments are like you're for some reason close enough to kiss and then you just look at each other after a MomentTM and it's like welp, anyway, what if one of the 'rents does pop back for something so they have to get in a wardrobe sitch and hide 'til they gone?] Fraze: [omg yes because I call bullshit on adults/teens fitting in most wardrobes when peeps try and pull that shit but she's smol so believable] Bea: [he'll have to crouch but deal boy] Fraze: [love that for him haha] Bea: [even closer casually] Fraze: [when you're gonna have to get out and pretend none of it ever happened] Bea: [oh lads, good times] Fraze: [story of years of their lives literally] Bea: [soon children] Fraze: [Ali's cat should do something to almost lowkey give away their location since there's no dog yet, remember when Clove was throwing herself at the door lol] Bea: [heheheheh oh bluebs at least you will be ignored orrrr we could get 'em in trouble, means they wouldn't get chance to gloss over in person so we could do awks convo on messenger later] Fraze: [okay so he makes 'em go to work with him and to separate 'em for our own ends we could say Bea is counting stock in the back and he's cleaning up somewhere else idk pub stuff] Bea: [yes, that about sums it up, just in such bad moods lmao you could've been shame-walked into school] Fraze: [at least we can start 'em complaining] Bea: why have you got an easier job Fraze: how'd you reckon? Bea: there's 0 thought involved Bea: I may as well have stayed in school Fraze: there's loads of 💪 involved Fraze: wanna swap, like? Bea: 🙄 Bea: obviously not Bea: how would I manage Fraze: You're a girl, be fucked if you couldn't hack cleaning Bea: you're such a twat Fraze: Don't mean I'm wrong Bea: doesn't mean you're right either Bea: rude doesn't mean it's a harsh truth automatically Fraze: 'Course not but this one's bang on Fraze: Look at my Ma, spends her life picking up after us lot Bea: that's her choice Bea: don't have to be a mum Fraze: you don't wanna then? Bea: no Bea: why would you Bea: like you said, all she does is pick up after us Fraze: must be more to it than that or no fucker would bother Fraze: don't get nearly enough handouts to be in it for the cash Bea: nah don't be thick Bea: most are accidents Bea: or to fix the fuckups with the previous Fraze: Pretty obvious which I fall into, golden boy too Fraze: It don't need to be your turn to tell me shit I already know now, just 'cause you're bored Bea: not shattering any illusions Bea: but you asked so Fraze: I asked about you, not what the standard is around here Fraze: I ain't planning in following in any of these fuckers footsteps Fraze: or coming to 'em for childcare tips Bea: and you think I am? Bea: not one for the parenting books but could be worse I guess Fraze: you ain't talking about moving the goalposts, babe Fraze: why wouldn't you if you can do it better Fraze: goes for anything Bea: I can think of plenty of things I'd rather do Fraze: Me too but eventually I'll have done all them Bea: you gonna be one of those middle-aged dads running around after a toddler then Fraze: Be rude not to knock out a few with my supermodel missus before I run off with the hot nanny, like Fraze: give her something to remember me by and shit to do when the work dries up Bea: 😂 Fraze: what you laughing for, don't you reckon it's a good plan? Bea: I reckon you shouldn't repeat that to anyone else Fraze: alright but you should've said you were that desperate to have a secret with me 'cause I reckon I could've done loads better Bea: I'd hope so Bea: that's kid's stuff, like Fraze: you done treating me like one then? Bea: depends Fraze: on? Bea: you Bea: not acting like one Bea: obviously Fraze: I don't, obviously Bea: okay Fraze: come on, say it with feeling, babe Bea: Maybe when there's some proof Fraze: are you out later? Bea: are we allowed out later is the question Fraze: it's only the question if you're a little kid Fraze: I'm going, come with Bea: where? Fraze: you'll see if you ain't too scared of my Ma's wrath, like Bea: yeah right Fraze: I dunno, sounded like you were gonna pussy out there then Bea: I just don't like to waste my time Bea: nothing wrong with that Fraze: I don't waste your time Fraze: ain't ever Bea: didn't say you did Fraze: If I invite you out it's worth going and I did Bea: alright Bea: we can see Bea: not like homework is much to compete with Fraze: Cheers for ranking me above it, know how much of a swot you are Bea: shut up Fraze: Like to see you try and make me Fraze: just keep counting, babe Bea: easy Bea: you're clearly working hard enough to lecture me Fraze: Thought you might be missing Miss Bea: you're the one who wants her to be your first cliche Fraze: Nah, just 'cause she's missing me don't make it mutual Bea: 😏 Fraze: what can I say? Pleasure to have me in class is all hers Bea: definitely not the rest of ours, like Fraze: I'm well gutted I don't make your day Bea: Obviously Fraze: Yeah Bea: I'll survive Fraze: you and me both Bea: thank god Fraze: I told you there's no need to tell me shit I already know and how lost you'd be without me falls under that Bea: you reckon Fraze: Obviously Bea: Mm Bea: anyway Fraze: 😏 Bea: shame all these bottles can't go missing Fraze: but a few of 'em could Bea: you reckon Fraze: don't you reckon? Bea: I don't wanna fuck over your dad Bea: but I am doing stock so realistically Bea: one or two wouldn't be missed Fraze: one or two ain't gonna bankrupt him Fraze: it'll only matter to us Bea: okay Bea: I'll put them behind the bins, don't forget Fraze: I won't Bea: I ain't sharing with every fucker either Bea: make it last just me and you okay Fraze: 'Course Fraze: they ain't sticking their necks out, that's me and you Bea: right Bea: exactly Fraze: we'll ditch 'em easy Bea: always do Bea: though they're pretty persistent, give 'em that Fraze: Pleasure of your company, babe Bea: 'Course Bea: never mind if they get a sniff of booze or cigs Fraze: there's the secret you wanted then Bea: Yay Bea: let you off for telling me what I already know there as well Fraze: Playing nice for as long as the stolen goods last, yeah? Bea: I'm doing the actual stealing Bea: you gonna snitch? Bea: doubt that Fraze: fuck off Fraze: I ain't that cunt Bea: I know Bea: I'm saying, I don't need to play nice Fraze: You don't know how Fraze: It's why I'm miss' fave even though you get all the gold stars Bea: 😂 Bea: don't make me laugh Fraze: why not? Fraze: we ain't in that much trouble Bea: because I don't wanna Fraze: come on Bea: why? Fraze: why not? I asked that first Bea: Because I'll look insane Bea: in here on my own Bea: stocktake isn't the height of hilarity Fraze: stop before you get hysterical, like Bea: har dee ha Bea: you're never that funny, boy Fraze: You never get me in that good of a mood Bea: who does Fraze: I'll let you know when I meet 'em Bea: so sweet Fraze: shut up Bea: no, I mean it Bea: so adorable Bea: 💘 Fraze: and I mean it, shut up Bea: so sensitive Fraze: don't take the piss Bea: calm down Fraze: don't fucking tell me to calm down either Bea: jesus Bea: what's the issue Fraze: what's your issue? Bea: Nothing Bea: I'm fine Bea: you're being weird Fraze: You're being more of a bitch than standard Bea: Not really Bea: you're being more of a pussy Fraze: No I ain't Bea: sure Fraze: I'd be a pussy if I let you bullshit and didn't say fuck all Bea: What's your point here? Fraze: Why do I need one but you're a twat for the sake of? Bea: I ain't but whatever Bea: this has been boring for too long Fraze: Yeah, that shit we can agree on Bea: great Bea: happy days Fraze: what do you want? Bea: nothing from you Bea: I am going to see if I can go Bea: homework would be a better use of my time Fraze: He's a pushover, mention a deadline and he'll be convinced Bea: Yeah Bea: I've met him before Fraze: One of those involved, toddler chasing da's, like Bea: Not old though Bea: or a total cliche Fraze: Let him know, there's worse ways to point score Bea: tah Bea: I reckon I've got this Bea: you get in trouble much more than I ever do Fraze: see you later then Bea: TTFN Bea: I'm taking the bottles Fraze: whatever Fraze: they're yours Bea: I mean you don't need to try and get them in the car with your dad Fraze: like I was worried Bea: I'm not asking for a thanks, I'm just saying, they're gone Fraze: alright Bea: ✌ Fraze: Go do your homework 🤓 Bea: you as naive as your dad? Fraze: don't be stupid Bea: then don't take the piss Fraze: so sensitive Bea: so funny, you Fraze: I keep telling you Bea: Trust me, I know Bea: you've got more planned than talking tonight, yeah? Fraze: I ain't planning on doing any talking Bea: then I'm still in Fraze: you weren't ever out Bea: so sure Fraze: yeah Bea: well Bea: you know there's nothing better to do around here Fraze: obviously, I live here too Bea: 💔 Fraze: You sound it Bea: not as much as you Bea: gutted Fraze: Nah Bea: mhm Bea: 👑🍀 Fraze: Have a drink, it'll make you less of a wind up Bea: brave Bea: I could drink through your share Fraze: Like I said, its yours Fraze: I didn't do fuck all Bea: you would've if you could so Bea: only fair Bea: I didn't get the cigarettes or drink earlier did I Fraze: whatever Fraze: we didn't get to drink much earlier, barely counts Bea: need a better spot Bea: somewhere between home comforts and hiding from cops/nosey concerned citizens god knows where Fraze: I'll think of something Fraze: like you said, don't need my 🧠 for what my da's got me doing Bea: still more fun than double english, yeah? Fraze: Well yeah Fraze: 'course Bea: so no need to complain, like Fraze: I'm just saying, I'll sort it Fraze: no more interruptions Bea: no more wardrobes Fraze: don't need neckache and a headache, like Fraze: it ain't gonna keep me off school tomorrow Bea: have as much chance as growing pains Bea: no sympathy for your plight Fraze: they are fucked though Fraze: not that you'd know Bea: don't take your rage out on me Bea: you can reach the top shelf Bea: there are no perks to being small, lurch Fraze: 'course there are Fraze: you can get away with loads of shit Fraze: just 'cause you look cute Bea: well you fucked that from the off being born a boy Bea: no one would be calling you cute Bea: maybe your ma 💕 Fraze: 😂 Bea: 😏 Fraze: you home yet? Bea: yeah Bea: still a while before the others descend Fraze: give the cat a swift kick for us before they do Bea: I'm not committing animal abuse for you Bea: I won't feed it, because I'm certain it does not need it Fraze: shit partner in crime you are Bea: excuse you Bea: maybe we should go over the approved and not crimes, like Fraze: too late for that, ain't it Fraze: you know too much to just be replaced Bea: you're really gonna murder me to end it all Fraze: don't take the chance Fraze: behave better than that snitch of a cat Bea: 😒 Bea: you've got more chance 💀 me than telling me to 'behave' Fraze: lucky I don't want you to then Fraze: tonight'd be proper boring Bea: yeah? Fraze: yeah Bea: your friends ain't MY favourites but Bea: bit harsh from you Bea: they'll be 💔 Fraze: don't make me laugh Bea: come on Bea: why not Fraze: you got out, I'm still pissed at you Bea: no you are not Fraze: already aced one test today, fancy your odds? Bea: it's subjective Bea: no proving it either way Fraze: take me at my word that proves it Bea: but you're also saying you still wanna go out later so that contradicts it Fraze: I don't have to like you to have a drink with you Bea: but you do Fraze: don't flatter yourself Bea: fuck off Fraze: you first Bea: why are you bothered Bea: you don't mind being at the pub Bea: I know your dad ain't working you to the bone Fraze: Still don't compare to being home alone doing whatever you want Bea: don't worry, not like I've got time to throw a massive party Fraze: not like you would Bea: you don't know Fraze: bullshit Fraze: I know you Bea: obviously not Fraze: are you kidding yourself yet babe 'cause you ain't me Bea: you're such a dick Fraze: why are you bothered? Fraze: you don't need to impress me Bea: I'm not trying to Bea: I'm telling you how it is Bea: you're rude Fraze: to you 'cause you are to me Bea: oh yeah 😂 well special Bea: you're a delight to everyone else Fraze: unless there's a gun to your head, feel free to fuck off then Bea: I have Bea: be more mad about it Bea: not gonna be here when you're back, easy Fraze: What's your problem today? Fraze: you were alright earlier Bea: yeah well Fraze: What? Bea: forget about it Fraze: So you can avoid me, fuck that Bea: I don't appreciate being called a loser by you Fraze: I never said you were Bea: Bullshit Bea: you've been doing nothing but Fraze: Bullshit Bea: whatever Fraze: it's not Fraze: I ain't mates with no losers, you know Bea: well you don't like me do you Fraze: Don't be thick, it don't suit you Bea: Couldn't if I tried Bea: but thanks, that was ALMOST a backhanded compliment Fraze: Shut up, I just said I like you Bea: good Fraze: You gonna stop sulking now then? Bea: I am not sulking Bea: quit whilst you're even Fraze: Whatever Fraze: Are you gonna run off when I get back or not then? Bea: No Bea: dead giveaway, your dad ain't that much of a pushover Bea: your mum needs to see we're in before we ain't Fraze: so you are scared of her Fraze: knew it Bea: again, no Bea: idiot Bea: I'd just rather not get caught Fraze: we won't Fraze: she ain't caught me out doing anything for ages Bea: let's not get hyperbolic Bea: 🐈 managed it today so Fraze: yeah but if my Ma had been home she wouldn't have given a shit what the cat was doing Bea: maybe Fraze: come on, you know she'd have been in and out well before my da Bea: that has nothing to do with how clever you are Bea: or stealth Bea: so don't be cocky Fraze: never said that one did Fraze: I've got loads of other examples though Fraze: probably half of which you were there for Fraze: it ain't being cocky if you can back it up Bea: 😏 alright Bea: the others are back, Joe was on wrangling duty alone so he's in a good mood Fraze: always is Bea: yeah but you forgot, they had play rehearsal so he had to stick around for that joy 😬😂 Fraze: 😂 Bea: they're STILL singing Bea: even if I wanted to do homework Fraze: come walk with me, he's letting me off Bea: you need a chaperone too? Bea: okay Fraze: armed guard, like Fraze: that much of a troublemaker Bea: shh Bea: you're making me laugh and I don't want to encourage any of 'em Fraze: 🤐 Fraze: hurry up then Bea: alright alright Bea: lemme put my shoes on Fraze: you better I ain't carrying you home Bea: weakling Bea: I'm SO small, remember Fraze: it ain't 'cause I couldn't, princess Bea: well that's just mean Fraze: we've called a truce for now, like Fraze: don't mean I'm gonna play that nice Bea: however will I cope Bea: 🙄😏 Fraze: the booze will help Bea: your da recruited you for promotion? Fraze: would if he was smart Bea: trademark it Bea: not sure its an original concept but can work around that Fraze: 👍 Bea: be outside, I don't wanna hang about, like Fraze: alright princess, calm down Bea: k I'll get murdered Bea: you live with that Fraze: I'm not gonna let anything happen to you Fraze: don't be dramatic Bea: when the audience demands it Fraze: what? Bea: you're all about the dramatics, don't lie Fraze: you got my mates with you then? Bea: they didn't come knocking askinf if you could come out to play, no Bea: sorry Fraze: well there ain't any audience to worry about without 'em Fraze: I don't reckon you're that sorry Bea: I don't think you are either Bea: that's more of a story Fraze: if I wanted to piss about with 'em, I would Fraze: I picked you Fraze: end of story Bea: to me, yeah Fraze: I don't owe 'em fuck all Fraze: don't worry about it Bea: do my best Bea: bless 'em 💔 Fraze: you don't know how to do anything else Bea: thought we weren't playing nice Fraze: it weren't a compliment Fraze: sounds fucking knackering to me Bea: that's why I do it, not you Fraze: cheers for falling on that bullet, babe Bea: not for your sake or anyone's but you are welcome Fraze: I know it's for your own sake Fraze: I ain't that much of a div Bea: Good Bea: bit awkward if not Fraze: you ain't the only one who wants to get out Bea: I know Fraze: good Bea: not long now Bea: grand scheme of things Fraze: how'd you work that out? it's ages Fraze: can't believe Da had you counting Bea: Shut up 😂 Bea: so we're about half-way Bea: it's called optimism Fraze: halfway is only nearly done if you're half arsing it, babe Fraze: that's realism or whatever Bea: Stop being pedantic Bea: 🤓 Fraze: I dunno that one, like Bea: trust me, you do Fraze: come on, what's it mean 🤓? Bea: excessively concerned with minor details or rules; overscrupulous. Fraze: 😂 Fraze: you reckon I care about rules? Bea: when it suits you Fraze: I do everything to suit me, why wouldn't I? Bea: Exactly 😂 Fraze: What the fuck are you doing, any slower and you'd be dead Fraze: it ain't that long of a walk Bea: I didn't just drop everything to run, God Bea: I'm basically there Fraze: Legit or the same as how you reckon halfway is nearly done? Bea: 😑 Bea: I can turn around Fraze: don't though Bea: I won't Bea: don't like wasting time, yeah Fraze: I ain't forgotten Bea: Good Bea: [show up hoe] Fraze: [when you can't stop yourself from smiling when you see her though cos that's just how it is Bea: [gurl same even if that wardrobe situation was awkward we all know you're about it] Fraze: [passes her the 🚬 he's been smoking while he waits cos we know she ain't got any] Bea: [nudging his shoe with hers like tah when she takes it, also probably start walking 'cos a pub isn't an ideal place to chill outside of] Fraze: [strutting together but we all know they have to take a detour because fuck going straight home, should we say playground or shop?] Bea: [let's say playground] Fraze: [always here for that, on you go lads, get amongst those older kids you shouldn't be hanging with but are] Bea: ['how'd you break your glasses then?'] Fraze: [shrugs cos he never wants to talk about fights that don't go perfect for him obvs] Bea: [a slight eye roll but changing tact 'when even, then?'] Fraze: ['the other day' be more vague boyyy] Bea: ['when are you gonna drop it on your mum?'] Fraze: ['dunno, depends if Da grasses us up for earlier or not'] Bea: [nods like true life, you know he wouldn't lmao] Fraze: ['I'll tell her tonight if he keeps his mouth shut, like'] Bea: ['gonna bother making up a story or you just gonna ride out the nag?' be thinking 'we had PE today, could say they got broke then'] Fraze: ['see, this is why I picked you over those useless fuckers' nudges her as he says it] Bea: [😏 but genuine under it, nudging back 'could lob a ball in your face for extra realism, if you like'] Fraze: [😏 back but then a genuine little lol] Bea: ['take that as a no' as she's going through park gate] Fraze: ['take it as I ain't as sure of your aim as you are, babe'] Bea: [scoffs 'if that were true, you'd be happy to let me try, duh'] Fraze: ['Fuck that, I'm saying you'd go too far 'cause you've been waiting for the chance to hurt me, not that you'd miss'] Bea: [evil smile like damn you got me but shakes her head and heads for an available swing] Fraze: [gives her a look like yeah I keep saying I know you and throws someone off a swing so he can have the one next to her #truelove] Bea: [we all love a swing moment] Fraze: [soz random kid but she ain't your bae] Bea: [at least it won't be an actual kid this time of day lol, should be wearing school skirt for that moment of letting it fly but not showing your knickers, aka a dangerous game] Fraze: [yassss] Bea: [casual see how high you can go contest always] Fraze: [we should let her win cos he'd hate that but also be impressed af obvs] Bea: [heheheheh] Fraze: [he can jump off further though that'll please him] Bea: [yeah you don't need to be doing that in whatever lowkey heels you tryna wear to school bitch] Fraze: [don't hurt yourself bab] Bea: [there should be dickhead teens doing something dickheadish 'cos always] Fraze: [100%] Bea: [they'll have to walk away anyway 'cos not sharing their spoils so byebye] Fraze: [run babies run, take her sleeve and go boy] Bea: [that backpack be rattling a girl came out prepared] Fraze: [boy gotta offer to carry that cos gentlemanly you know] Bea: ['I managed this far, like' but gives it him anyway 'cos you may as well honey] Fraze: [gives her a look like yeah that's the point it's my turn now cos you've done your share] Bea: [gives him a look like cute] Fraze: [gives her a look like shut up] Bea: [lil lol] Fraze: [another genuine smile cos happy to be with the bae] Bea: [just talking about whatever shennanigans he missed at home] Fraze: [and he's filling her in about shit she missed at the pub it's like honey how was your day lol] Bea: [god bless 'em] Fraze: [when they are already a better couple than drow] Bea: [at least that's a ways away for everyone rn 'cos no one is less here for it than Bea] Fraze: [thank god ro and ali are living their best spooky kid lives rn] Bea: [they might be about to get separated tho? like soz] Fraze: [not yet I don't think cos it's when they 11ish and we said Rocky ain't born yet here but soon lads] Bea: [a few years then, defs living your best lives] Fraze: [we also need to think of a place for them to hang out like the hideaway way back when lol but more legit] Bea: [yes, like an allotment or a dump/wasteland moment, something not yours but shelter is there] Fraze: [that's 100% the vibe I was thinking too] Bea: [unless I can think of anything more specific we should go with that, I know in certain spots 'round here cars get stolen and left a lot so they could probs chill in them as and when they're found] Fraze: [oooh that's such a mood] Bea: [contaminate a crime scene honey] Fraze: [lol crack on kids, you know he's gonna open the door for her like a gentleman bye] Bea: [just giving him a look that's like amused like she's so over it and he's silly but also like oh and a LOOK 'cos we know] Fraze: [shamelessly giving her a LOOK back cos when has he ever given a fuck everyone knows he's in love with her at this point] Bea: [checking all the compartments in case they missed any good loot but probably not, maybe there's a lighter though] Fraze: [I approve wholeheartedly cos they'd be buzzing] Bea: [such sweet babies] Fraze: [I just keep screaming inside cos they're so young but crack that bottle open boy] Bea: [I hope you took something paletable girl] Fraze: [we know she knows her shit thanks creepy old dudes of the past] Bea: [truly, and can handle it so no embarrassing moments on that score] Fraze: [literally she'd be better than him on it but his pride and need to keep up would stop him from being cringe either] Bea: [you got this boy, she wouldn't let him get schwasted anyway lbr] Fraze: [not when you've gotta go home and tell Tess about your glasses boy] Bea: [exactly so they won't be knocking it back hardcore just taking that edge off sweaty] Fraze: [it's always one of those days for you two, we get it] Bea: [especially when you had a moment in the wardrobe lol] Fraze: [we all know he hasn't stopped thinking about it since it happened, god bless] Bea: [we should do a drinking game like best day/worst day but not that 'cos he knows lmao but like your funniest mem etc] Fraze: [it can just be happy ones we don't need to hurt ourselves] Bea: [keep it light lol] Fraze: [but don't think about how close him and Joe used to be and all those cute mems] Bea: [exactly it'd still get feelsy and emosh 'cos life they've been living but it isn't like let's go deep into the trauma] Fraze: [#bondingmoment cos you obvs aren't close enough you two] Bea: [its coming boys] Fraze: [imagine the texts from his friends that he's shamelessly ignoring rn] Bea: [boys are so highkey for the squad at that age] Fraze: [and you know he's #leaderofthepack of his school mates that are similar age to him so] Bea: [exactly dr phil] Fraze: [can we do another moment or is that flying too close to the sun?] Bea: [we absolutely can they obvs happen a lot] Fraze: [realistically who do you reckon should instigate it cos might be relevant in the aftermath] Bea: [hmm literally either or not to be annoying about it lol] Fraze: [maybe she should cos then she can also stop herself cos remember those younger years and he can be like wtf] Bea: [solid logic I'm wid it] Fraze: [bonus points if she stops herself before anything's really happened at all cos that bitch like its v subtle and other peeps might miss the cue but he be knowing cos he's that bitch] Bea: [yes absolutely hence you'd feel more awks bringing it up 'cos you could just gaslight him like what are you chatting about lol] Fraze: [literally cos you know that would've happened before on both sides] Bea: [mhmm, bonus of 'we were drunk' when you ain't even] Fraze: [you both know neither of you are even tipsy lads shut up but don't because so real]