#maybe if I get another ask that wants a longer version I’ll do that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

y3sterdaysproblem · 1 month ago

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you’re not sorry - m.s.

summary: could’ve loved you all my life if you hadn’t left me in the cold

warnings: angst, sensitive topics, no happy ending.

{read with caution}

wc: 3k+

Another night.

Another night waiting up for your boyfriend who could never be bothered to let you know when he’d be home; if he’d even be coming home that night.

It was like this for months at this point. Day after day of you waiting up just for him to stumble inside smelling like alcohol and weed, clothes disheveled as he plows through your front door. You didn’t even know what had changed, but it had.

Things were so good, beyond good, to the point where you guys were considering marriage, considering a family. Maybe it was all too much for him, but that wasn’t your burden to bear.

Your perfect, loving boyfriend had turned into someone you barely recognized, having to look so hard to find pieces of the man you fell for in the man you no longer knew.

You were about to give up and head to bed when you heard keys jingling at the front door, the man outside clearly struggling to unlock it. You stayed planted on the couch, waiting for him to finally come crashing in and make up some excuse about what he was doing out so late. You never believed him anymore.

When the door swung open and your boyfriend stumbled through it, his eyes met yours almost instantly, a small, forced smile appearing on his face. “Hey, baby,” he calls out, shutting the door behind him and kicking his shoes off before he made his way towards you, tripping over his own feet once or twice until he sat down next to you.

You let out an aggravated sigh, standing up and walking away from the couch, not wanting to sit next to him and smell the alcohol leeching off of his breath. It was beyond disgusting and if the smell didn’t make you sick, the thought of everything would. The thought of your life crumbling in a matter of months was enough to make you cry so hard you threw up on multiple occasions, the depression caused by this man that swore he loved you being the culprit of so many breakdowns you couldn’t even count anymore.

“You’re drunk, Matt,” you grumble, crossing your arms.

His eyes trail up to you, shaking his head quickly. “I’m not drunk, just tipsy, I swear. I stopped drinking a few hours ago.”

Your heart dropped. A few hours ago?

“And where have you been in those last few hours, hm?” You question, not really knowing if you wanted to know the answer.

Matt groans, throwing his head back on the couch. “Here we fucking go. All you do is nag on me fucking constantly, why do you think I’m gone all the time? I’ll tell you. Because you can’t fucking shut the fuck up and let me live for two minutes. You’re always up my ass asking me what I’m doing or who I’m with.”

Your heart starts to race in your chest, knowing you’re about to get in another fight with the man you used to never argue with. You used to have perfect communication, always able to work through your issues and things that bothered you, but now it was like a flip switched and he wanted to argue about everything, sober or not.

“I never see you anymore, Matt! You’re never home to just spend time with me! All I fucking want is to lay in bed and watch a movie with my boyfriend who cuddles with me and tells me he loves me! You act like I don’t exist and it hurts and I’m trying to stay but sometimes I wonder why I do.” Your voice is shaky as you speak, the adrenaline and emotions quickly getting to you. You never were good at fighting without crying.

“Why?” Matt questions quietly, dropping his gaze to his lap.

You’re confused. “Why what?” You ask him dryly, arms still crossed in an attempt to protect yourself, almost like you were protecting your heart.

He’s quiet for a moment before he speaks. “Why try to stay? If I’m so awful?”

Your breath catches in your throat. Was this it? Was this the fight you’ve been fearing for the last few weeks? Has everything you both have worked towards finally hit a wall?

“Because… because I keep hoping this is just a phase and you’ll snap out of it and love me again,” you choke out, tears filling your eyes. “I don’t understand what I did to make you not love me anymore and every day that I sit here by myself and think about it, I can’t come up with an answer and you won’t tell me. I would do fucking anything for you and you can’t even tell me you love me anymore.”

Matt let out a big sigh, picking at a rip in his jeans absentmindedly. “I do love you, I just… I need some time to myself.”

You scoff, crying now and not trying to stop it. “You don’t think I would’ve given you time? Space? Matt, all you had to say was that you were getting overwhelmed and needed time think about what you wanted, I would’ve understood that. Do you understand the fucking weight behind that? You have a woman who would let you take a step back from a relationship just because she knows how much you value your own space and time and your own autonomy. You will never fucking find a woman that will treat you the way I treat you. You will never find someone who loves you unconditionally through everything, including this. I swear to god, Matt, you better get your act together before you come home to fucking nothing.”

“Maybe that’s what I want!” Matt yells suddenly, getting up from the couch to walk over to you. You weren’t afraid, you knew he’d never hit you, but he’s also never yelled in your face like this either. “Maybe every fucking night I come home hoping you’ve packed up all of your shit and left. Hell, you could pack my shit and I’d be happy, I don’t fucking care, I just want to come home and know that you’ve finally given up on me. Don’t you get it? I’m trying to make it easy for you. I’m trying to be the worst boyfriend I could possibly be and you still won’t leave!”

The moment he’s done speaking you swear you could hear a pin drop. You felt like your world had completely stopped spinning on its axis.

You’re lightheaded as you stare at Matt, tears flowing freely down your face. He really was completely unrecognizable.

“What did I do?” You cried, still wanting nothing more than to feel your boyfriend’s arms wrap around you and tell you everything was going to be okay. But he wouldn’t, and it wasn’t. “Why do you hate me so much?”

Matt listened to your cries with a straight face, barely even seeming like he cared. “I just… don’t want to be with you anymore. Our relationship has run its course.”

You drop your head and let out a broken sob, reaching a hand up to try to wipe away your tears, but it was to no avail, they would just keep coming. “I love you with everything I have, I… I need you, Matt, how could you do this?”

Matt is silent, feeling like he’s already said all he needed to say. If he cared at all, he really didn’t show it.

You pick your head back up and look at Matt, your own eyes red and puffy, when you see it. You think it’s a shadow at first, but the more you stare, the more you realize your eyes aren’t deceiving you. You take a step forward and reach towards Matt, pulling the hood off his head and tugging the collar down, another choked cry falling from your lips.

“Is that a fucking hickey?” You accuse, looking up to meet his eyes. “You’re fucking cheating on me, too?!”

Matt grabs your wrist and pulls it away from him, throwing your arm back towards yourself before pulling his hood back up. “Back the fuck up, dude, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You laugh in his face, shaking your head in disbelief. “You are so fucking pathetic, Matt,” you spit at him. “You are so much of a pussy that you couldn’t even be a man and break up with me, you needed me to do it for you. Do you feel good about yourself? Knowing you cheated on someone who would literally give you the world? God, I can’t believe I almost gave you a fucking kid, you’re a joke of a partner. I feel bad for anyone that has to deal with you for the rest of their life.”

Matt clenches his jaw tightly at your words, hating how you knew exactly how to strike a nerve with him. “You think I feel good about this? I fucking don’t but I didn’t know what else to do, you would’ve never listened if I tried to leave you, you would’ve talked me into staying and I would’ve been miserable for the rest of my life!”

“You are the one that said you wanted a family! The one that said you wanted to marry me and buy our own farm and live in the middle of fucking nowhere! You said all of those things, not me!” You wanted to hit him so bad. To shake him, to kick him, to do anything to make him see how none of this made sense to you. How could he say all of those things and turn on you so quickly?

You two were laid in bed under the blankets, neither of you ready to get out of bed for the day just yet. The sun shone through the blinds, illuminating Matt’s face perfectly, his blue eyes reflecting the light in a way that had you damn near in a trance, unable to pull your own eyes away from him. “I hope our babies have your eyes,” you tell him quietly, both of you laying on your sides to face each other.

He smiled shyly at you, closing his eyes for a moment. “Stop admiring me, it makes me awkward.” He mumbled, making you laugh.

“I’m your girlfriend, I’m supposed to admire you. Plus, it helps that you’re really hot and easy to admire.” You reach up and brush your hands through his hair that definitely needs a trim, pulling it back from his face to get a better view. “I’m serious, though. Your eyes are so pretty compared to mine.”

Matt opens his eyes and shoots you an annoyed look. “Stop it, our kids would be lucky to have any of your features, you’re fucking stunning.”

You giggle and roll over onto your back, staring at the ceiling for a few moments before speaking. “Do you ever think about that? Like what our kids will look like? I think about it all the time. Especially like… a little girl, running around with your bright blue eyes and your big smile. I just know if we had a little girl she’d be so beautiful, Matt.” You turn your head towards your boyfriend to see him already smiling at you.

“I think about it all the time,” he starts, reaching a hand out to rest on your stomach that had been exposed by your shirt riding up, softly trailing his thumb back and forth. “I think about how protective I’d be if we had a daughter, or daughters. I think about how much of an honor it would be to raise a son with you. I think about what would happen if you got pregnant with twins or, god forbid, triplets.” You laugh at this, knowing it would be an absolute shit show. “I think about our kids, sure, but a lot of times I think to myself, ‘wow, if I love her so much now, I can’t imagine how much I’ll love her when she’s the mother of my children.’ That’s what I think.”

Your eyes become glossy and your vision goes slightly blurry as you stare at Matt, seeing the sincerity in his eyes as he spoke to you. “I love you,” you tell him and his face lights up, leaning in to place a small kiss on your lips.

“I love you more.”

“I did,” Matt shrugs his shoulders like it was no big deal. “But feelings change. People change.”

You shake your head angrily, not believing him. “No, not like that. Feelings don’t change like that, Matt. You met somebody else, didn’t you? All this time you’ve been seeing someone else.”

Matt groans, rubbing his eyes harshly. “So what?! It doesn’t matter, we’re over now, right? I’ll sleep on the couch and pack my shit tomorrow, can we just go to bed?”

You sniffle, the truth finally setting in that he’s completely given up and there was no getting him back. The Matt you once loved was gone forever and there was nothing you could do about it.

So you decided to land the final blow and make him realize how stupid he really was.

You grab his right hand with your left, facing it palm up as you reach your free hand into your pocket, grabbing the strip of paper you had kept in there, waiting for the perfect moment to drop this bomb on him. You slap the paper into his open hand before taking a step away, crossing your arms again.

“What is this?” Matt asks, staring down at the photos in front of him, panic setting in his chest. “Babe… babe, what is this?” He looks up at you, eyes wide. You swear you could almost hear his heart pounding.

“It’s an ultrasound, jackass.” You snap at him, completely over his shit.

Matt’s mouth opens, then closes, then opens again, eyes snapping between you and the photos. “You’re… pregnant?” He chokes out. Despite all the alcohol he’s consumed tonight, he feels the most sober he has in weeks, the reality of the situation crashing into him like a truck.

You laugh at his reaction, hating how he suddenly cared about you again. “Was,” you tell him bluntly, shrugging your shoulders like nothing you said mattered. “Turns out never getting any sleep and stressing out over your loser, lowlife boyfriend isn’t good for a baby.”

Matt lets out a huff of air like his lungs had collapsed in on him, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole. “You… you were pregnant, and now you’re not?” He asks quietly, his own voice now shaking.

“Yes, Matthew, I was and now I’m not. That’s how that fucking works.” You walk over and snatch the pictures from him, ignoring his pleas of denial. “While you were out doing whatever the fuck or whoever the fuck you wanted, I was here throwing up every day by my fucking self, barely even able to eat oatmeal without getting sick. I was here reading up on how to get through pregnancy or how to be a good mother. I was here shopping for fucking baby clothes and decorations. And I was the one here miscarrying in our bed, by myself!” You have no idea when you started crying again, but you were, and there was no stopping it this time. “I was the one going to doctors appointments and listening to our baby’s teeny tiny heart beating. I was here looking at pictures of her tiny feet and tiny toes, wondering if she’d look like you or like me. I was here picking up the pieces when I found out her teeny tiny heart had stopped.”

Matt’s eyes had filled with tears now, too, his bright blue eyes only made brighter by the reflection of the lamp lit in the corner of the room. “Her?” He croaked, voice failing him. “It was a girl?”

You let out a sob, nodding your head weakly. “I found out the day I found out she was gone,” you cry, voice entering a higher pitch from your throat tightening. “I wanted her so bad, Matt, and I was just waiting for you to come around so I could tell you, and… you just never did and now we’re over. I went from a girl who wanted nothing more than a family with the man she loves to being a girl who’s oddly grateful she lost a baby so she doesn’t have to deal with looking at her daughter that reminds her of the man that broke her heart.”

Matt reaches up to wipe the tears from his cheeks, releasing a shaky breath out. “I’m sorry,” he whimpers, looking you dead in the eyes. “I’m sorry, if I had known-.”

“If you had known then what? You wouldn’t have treated me like shit? You wouldn’t have cheated? That should’ve been the bare fucking minimum, Matt, and now you’ve let down who was supposed to be the two most important girls in your life.” You point your finger at him as you speak, wanting to drive your point home and let him know how badly he had fucked up. “I would’ve done fucking anything for you, including growing your baby, and you threw that away, not me.”

“I was just scared, it was all happening so fast!” Matt wails, reaching out for you. “I got overwhelmed with the thought of settling down and I freaked out, I’m sorry.”

You push his hands away, ignoring his pleas. “You said it yourself, Matt. It’s over. Besides, I can’t bring her back. I’m always going to look at you and remember how you treated me when I had your baby inside me, and how you treated me when I dealt with the loss of our baby.”

Matt sobbed, placing his head in his hands as his shoulder shook. “I didn’t know!”

“You shouldn’t have to know!” You cried, hands flailing in front of you as you spoke, or more yelled. “You shouldn’t have to know I’m pregnant just to treat me like your fucking girlfriend! I would’ve done anything for you, including give up my body for nine months to give you a family, and you couldn’t even be loyal, and you have to live with that for the rest of your fucking life.”

Matt sunk to his knees in front of you, head resting on your stomach as he wraps his arms around your hips. You just stare down at him, your tears dripping into his hair. “I’m so sorry, please let me fix this,” he sobs into your sweater, hands gripping the back of it. “I fucked up so bad, I see that now.”

The sight of him made you want to crumble. You wanted to give in, to comfort him, to forget these last few months and go back to being the perfect happy couple you used to be. You didn’t know how you were supposed to live without him after all this time.

But you deserved better.

“Get up,” you tell him quietly and he turns his head up to look at you, cheeks soaked with his own tears. You reach down and cup his cheek, thumb swiping under his eyes to wipe new tears that fell. “Get up, Matt.”

He sniffles and obliges, standing in front of you once again, closer this time.

“You’re not sorry you hurt me,” you start, voice surprisingly calm. “You’re just sorry it backfired so badly.”

Matt grabs your hand that still rested on his face, holding it close and leaning into it. “Please,” he says, voice raspy. “Can we spend one more night together?”

You break eye contact to drop your eyes to the floor, shoulders shaking with the sob that ripped through your body.

“Yes,” you croak out, immediately melting into the arms that wrapped themselves around you like you’d disappear if he let go, your face tucking into his neck that smelled like cheap, floral perfume, the scent feeling like a dagger to your heart.

You ignored it, though. Anything for one more night with the love of your life.

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#matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo fic #chris sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #matt x reader #matt x you #angst #ave’s library 𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚

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callsign-mayhem · 8 months ago

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heartbreak feels so good (part 1)

Pairing: Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x Reader Word count: 8081 CW: Shitty boyfriends, angst, fluff, slow burn.

Your boyfriend's callsign is Viper, which is fitting. Bradley doesn't know how much longer he can watch this man destroy you, but luckily for him, he doesn't have to wait too long.

Use of Y/N, but no description of reader. THIS IS A MULTI-PART FIC.

Part Two Part Three

After another day of having your feelings totally ignored by your boyfriend, you were looking forward to some alone time. Elijah was so hot and cold that you felt as though you were in a constant state of fight or flight, just waiting for him to either make your day or ruin it completely. Most of the time, it was the latter, and although good days with him were few and far between, they were enough to make you stay. See, you didn’t half-ass anything—least of all relationships—so when you were in something, you were in it. You told Elijah that much after your first date. You’d been sitting in the front of his beemer eating ice cream, having the first of many deep talks. Between sweet, sticky kisses, you’d told him that you were dating to marry. He told you he was, too.

He said, ‘I’m yours if you’ll have me, Y/N.’ And that was that.

And it was almost a year ago. You’d survived a somewhat tumultuous winter with him, desperately trying to cling on to the version of him he’d been during the summer. As time went on, he stopped putting his mask on, secure enough in your relationship that he no longer felt the need to pretend to be caring and considerate. The days were starting to get longer, and the weather was warming up again, but Elijah was so far from the man he was at the start that you might as well have been in a relationship with a different person. Every morning, you woke up with no idea what personality to expect that day, whether or not he was going to take all his personal drama out on you, even though you only ever loved and supported him.

Today had been one of those days, and as you finished up with the F-18 engine currently in pieces in front of you, you silently prayed that he wouldn’t text you asking to come over. He was also a naval aviator, but you were working on different parts of the base today. Thank God. Elijah’s callsign was Viper, fitting since vipers prey on small animals by envenomating them and watching them die slowly.

Coyote appeared behind you, helmet tucked underneath his arm.

‘Hey, we’re all heading to The Hard Deck for beers,’ he told you. ‘You comin’?’ You grabbed a rag and made an attempt to wipe some of the oil off. ‘I don’t know,’ you sighed. ‘I want to, but then I’ll have to bring Elijah, and I don’t really wanna see him tonight.’ ‘Why do you have to bring him?’ Coyote frowned. ‘He’s a lousy drunk and never lets you have any fun.’ ‘If he finds out I went out with all you guys, he’ll think I’m up to something.’ ‘Like gettin’ with me?’ He joked, wiggling his eyebrows. ‘Probably,’ you laughed. ‘You or one of the others. Or maybe he’ll accuse me of getting with all of you if he’s in a particularly bad mood.’ ‘Listen, if you wanna come, you’re welcome. We’ll just make sure nobody posts about it, and we’ll get you a fake moustache or somethin’.’

It broke your heart to think about all your closest friends having a fun night without you. Over the past year, you’d lost count of the amount of experiences you’d missed out on because you didn’t want to make Elijah upset or angry with you. The worst part was it was a double standard. He went out without you all the time, didn’t tell you where he’d gone or who he was with, and expected you to be okay with it. If you weren’t, you could kiss your peace goodbye; he’d spend the next week making your life a living hell, ignoring you entirely until you apologised to him for being hurt by his actions.

‘You know what Javy? Count me in.’ He grinned. ‘Thatta girl.’

It was hard to regret coming out when you felt this good. It had been months since you’d gone on a night out without Elijah, which was to say it had been months since you last enjoyed yourself. As you sipped your second sex on the beach, you mused that some kind of higher power must have been looking out for you because you’d yet to receive a single text from your boyfriend. Most of the time, when you spent the night apart, he’d call you incessantly. It was annoying, sometimes bordering on obsessive, and you didn’t need him to tell you he was checking on you, or rather, checking that you were alone in your apartment. That much was obvious.

Dating an insecure man was not for the weak.

You were sat at one of the high tables next to the window watching Jake, Mickey, Javy, and Reuben play pool. Nat was opposite nursing a beer, glowing in the golden light of the evening. Her phone buzzed, and she picked it up, smiling at the notification.

‘Rooster’s on his way,’ she told you. ‘He wasn’t gonna come out tonight, but I told him he didn’t have a choice. It’s not every day Y/N Y/L/N leaves the comfort of her apartment.’ You scoffed. ‘That’s not exactly how I’d put it.’ ‘No?’ Nat raised a brow.

You hadn’t drunk in months, and despite only being on your second drink, the booze had loosened your lips significantly.

‘No. It’s not that I’d rather stay home, it’s that staying home makes my life easier because then I don’t have Elijah breathing down my fucking neck.’

Little did you know, Javy had told everyone about your conversation earlier. Not because he was a gossip but because he was worried about you. It was rare for you to open up to the squad about your relationship, but it wasn’t hard to guess what happened behind closed doors. They all worked with Viper, for one, and they were familiar with his temperament. Not only that, but you dropped off the face of the Earth a few months after you started dating him, and it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together.

‘I don’t know why you’re still with him, Y/N. He’s an ass.’ ‘I know,’ you sighed, frowning into your drink. ‘It’s just not as straightforward as just leaving. I still love him. If I can make this work, I don’t have to start all over again with someone else.’ Nat nodded in understanding. ‘I get wanting to make it work, but at what cost? You don’t see your friends, and he uses you as an emotional punching bag. You can’t even come to the beach with us without him checking on you every five minutes,’ she reached over the table and took your hand. ‘He’s killing you.’

This was the first time someone had spoken their mind to you about the situation. While you already knew all of it, hearing it from one of your best friends hit home. Vodka made you emotional, and if not for Bradley, you would have broken down there and then.

He walked up to the table and engulfed you in a hug, practically pulling you off your stool. You pressed your face into his shirt, inhaling the scent of clean cotton and sandalwood. Half expecting Elijah to spring out and catch you in the act, you reluctantly pulled away.

‘Hey, Bradley.’ ‘Hey yourself, stranger. Can’t believe you’re gracing us with your presence.’ ‘I know, it’s been a while.’ ‘A while? Try six months,’ he glanced at your almost empty glass and Nat’s empty bottle of Heineken. ‘Can I buy you lovely ladies a drink?’ ‘Do you even have to ask?’ Nat retorted. ‘What’re you drinking, darlin’?’ He asked you. You smiled sheepishly. ‘Sex on the beach.’ ‘I can make that happen.’ He smirked.

Luckily, you didn’t have to come up with a response to that remark because he turned around and headed to the bar. You locked eyes with Nat, and both of you burst out laughing.

Just like that, all the negativity you’d been feeling dissipated like rain against hot tarmac.

Bradley came back with the drinks, and the three of you took the opportunity to catch up while the others finished their pool game. You shouldn’t have been as surprised as you were to find out that you’d missed a lot. Bradley had started dating one of the medics, but the relationship had crashed and burned almost immediately. He hadn’t bothered trying to meet anyone else since. Nat, after watching all her friends have such bad experiences in the dating world, had decided she was better off alone.

‘Honestly, I don’t blame you.’ You told her. ‘You should dump Viper,’ she said with a devilish grin. ‘And we can have a hot girl summer.’ Bradley laughed. ‘Can’t say I ever imagined you saying that, Nix.’ ‘Isn’t that what it’s called now? We can’t be that out of touch, surely.’ ‘I don’t wanna think about how old I am.’ You said, picking up your phone to see if you’d missed any texts from Elijah. You hated to think what kind of argument missing one of his calls would start. Nat and Rooster shared a knowing look. ‘It rings, you know? Out loud.’

Being this transparent was embarrassing.

‘I think I’m going to confiscate this for now.’ Ignoring your protests, Bradley swiped your phone and tucked it into his pocket. ‘If he calls or texts, I’ll let you know.’

You were tipsy enough not to try and take your phone back but not tipsy enough to be unbothered by the idea of Elijah calling and you not picking up.

‘If he calls, I need it back straight away,’ you told him sternly. ‘If I don’t pick up, I’ll never hear the end of it.’

Bradley rolled his eyes, but you knew it wasn’t aimed at you. He hated Elijah the most of all your friends. Perhaps sensing some tension, Nat slid off her stool and grabbed your arm, practically yanking you off yours.

‘Let’s go pick a song,’ she suggested. ‘We can get more drinks on the way back.’

Since it had been so long since you last visited The Hard Deck, she let you choose. You picked Rebel Yell by Billy Idol, your mum’s favourite. Admittedly, you’d been missing your home town a lot more than usual lately, perhaps because you were in such a weird place mentally. Things must be worse than you thought if you were considering running home with your tail between your legs.

As the night went on, you got drunker and drunker. Bradley watched with a bemused grin as you dragged Bob off to the jukebox again, since he was the easiest person to coerce into doing things. How Bradley wished it was him you were clinging to. Not that he was jealous of Bob—because that would be like being jealous of a puppy—he just desperately wanted to be the object of your affection.

While you and Bob went to change the music, Bradley struck up a conversation with Natasha and Reuben, who erupted into laughter when you pulled Bob’s arm so hard he almost toppled over.

‘It’s nice to have Y/N out, huh?’ He observed. Nat looked at him like he was the biggest dickhead in the world. ‘Come on, Bradshaw. He might be an ass, but she’s got a boyfriend.’

Bradley sipped his beer, desperately trying to come up with a believable response. Reuben smirked knowingly, which only made Bradley more annoyed.

‘I don’t have a thing for Y/N.’ ‘Whatever helps you sleep at night, man.’ ‘Come on, Payback. You too?’ Reuben shrugged. ‘Doesn’t take a genius to work it out. You look at her like she’s God’s gift.’

The reason Bradley looked at you like you were God’s gift is because you were, but nobody was supposed to know that.

‘Why do women stay with guys that treat them like shit?’ Bradley asked. ‘Depends on the woman,’ Natasha started. ‘But if you mean Y/N, it’s because she can’t do anything halfway. She told me earlier that it’s because she doesn’t want to start over with someone new, but I don’t think that’s it. She just loves so hard, and it takes a lot out of her. Why would she wanna start the process all over again if she already has someone?’ Bradley was incredulous. ‘Erm, I don’t know, maybe because he’s emotionally abusing her.’

You and Nat were close. In a way, she knew you better than you knew yourself, so she was the best person for Bradley to ask about things. Now, however, he was kind of regretting opening his mouth. Knowing why you were staying with a guy who treated you so badly didn’t make it easier to accept like Bradley thought it would; it only filled him with white-hot rage.

‘It’s not as easy as just leaving. She has to come to it on her own.’ ‘Yeah,’ Reuben chimed in. ‘You can’t convince Y/N of shit.’ Natasha scoffed. ‘Yup, and believe me, I’ve tried.’ ‘So what, we just sit around and watch him ruin her?’ ‘Y/N’s a smart cookie and one of the strongest people I know. She’ll come to her senses, and when she does, we’ll be here.’ ‘You know, I read somewhere once that you can’t save anyone. You can only hold their hand while they save themselves.’ Nat raised a brow. ‘Damn, Payback. That might be the wisest thing you’ve ever said.’ ‘Hey, why do you sound so surprised?’ ‘You really want me to answer that?’

Bradley had a lot to think about. Realistically, he knew there was nothing he could do. His only option was to let things unfold naturally and have faith that things would work out exactly the way they were supposed to. The only problem was, that sounded too much like ‘sit back and do nothing,’ which didn’t feel right either.

Bradley needed another drink.

In fact, he was just about to head to the bar when you came bounding over, dragging poor Bob behind you.

‘Roooooooooster.’ You cooed.

His heart just about melted when you started batting your eyelashes at him.

‘What’s up, Y/CS?’

Everyone else was watching the interaction expectantly, waiting to hear what you were going to say next.

‘You’re really pretty.’ Bradley laughed, hoping you were too drunk to notice the blush he could feel creeping across his cheeks. ‘Thank you. You’re really pretty, too.’ Nat, sensing the need to intervene, came around and gently grabbed your arm. ‘Hey, let’s get you a glass of water, huh?’ ‘But I need to tell Roo how pretty he looks.’

Bradley’s heart fluttered at your use of the pet name. He really didn’t want you to leave, but Nat was right. You needed some water and probably your bed.

‘You told him already, Y/N. And when you get back, you can tell him again.’

She started leading you away, and Bradley immediately missed your presence.

A very flushed-looking Bob took Nat’s empty stool. ‘That girl is somethin’ else.’ He murmured, pushing his glasses back up his nose. ‘I don’t think you should let her drink anymore.’ ‘I’m not her keeper,’ Bradley responded. ‘Can’t stop her from doing anything.’ Bob shrugged. ‘Maybe so, but you’re all she talked about. You and the fact that there’s no Fall Out Boy in the jukebox. Pretty sure she called it a ‘fucking tragedy.’’ Bradley leaned forward. ‘What did she say about me?’ ‘You know,’ Bob waved a hand dismissively. ‘You’re pretty. Her boyfriend is gonna kill her if he finds out she’s here with you because he thinks you have a thing for her.’ Bradley was at a loss for words. Reuben, however, was grinning like a fool. ‘What was that about not having a thing for her? Even her boyfriend’s caught on, man.’ ‘How many times do I have to say I do not have a thing for-’

An annoyingly loud ringing sound interrupted Bradley’s sentence. It didn’t sound like his ringtone, but the noise was coming from his pocket. It took him too long to remember that he had your phone in his pocket, and that it was probably Viper calling. Sure enough, when he took out your phone, he was greeted by a sickeningly sweet photo of you and your boyfriend on the beach. You and Nat were still at the bar, and he knew he should just let it ring so you could call him back later.

But something had a hold of Bradley, and he answered the call and pressed the phone to his ear before he could really process what he was doing.

‘Y/N’s phone.’

A beat of silence, then some of the most colourful language Bradley had ever heard in his life.

‘Who the fuck is this, and why the fuck have you got my girlfriend’s phone?’ ‘Y/N can’t come to the phone right now. She’s at the bar with her friend, gettin’ another round of drinks, and I just know hearing your voice would ruin her night. It’s ruined mine, that’s for sure. If you want, I can take a message, and she’ll get back to you in the morning.’

Reuben was nearly on the floor, trying desperately not to laugh in case Viper heard him. Bob had paled significantly, like he’d seen a ghost—or worse.

‘That you, Bradshaw? I just knew something was going on-’

Bradley hung up. The severity of the situation was beginning to hit, and despite the sick satisfaction he’d felt when he picked up the phone, he was regretting his decision already.

‘Y/N is gonna kill you, Rooster.’ Bob told him.

Nat made the sensible decision to cut you off, but she said you could stay out with them until closing if you promised to keep drinking water and stop fucking around with the jukebox. That was how you ended up in the corner of a booth with Bradley next to you to stop you from escaping.

Not that you’d want to escape.

Mickey had joined, and the guys were playing cards while you and Nat talked. She was catching you up on her life, and it made a change to think about someone other than Elijah for once.

That’s when it hit you.

You hadn’t checked your phone in hours, and you dreaded to think how many texts and calls you’d missed.

‘Bradley, can I have my phone?’

He set his hand of cards down on the table and reached into his pocket. When you reached out to take it, he pulled away.

‘Before I give this to you, I need to tell you something.’

A wave of nausea hit you.

‘What? What’s going on?’ ‘Viper called about an hour ago. You were at the bar, and I didn’t know what to do, so I answered it.’ Reuben leaned forward in his seat. ‘Oh, this is about to be good.’

You thought you knew what panic felt like, but up until this very moment, you had no idea. Bradley was lucky you didn’t throw up in his lap from the nerves.

‘What?’ ‘I’m sorry, Y/N. I wasn’t thinking-’

You snatched your phone from him, ignoring the kicked-puppy expression he was sporting. A slew of angry text messages that were borderline abusive greeted you. You skimmed them quickly, not wanting to read too many in case you started crying in front of the entire squad.

What started out as the best night you’d had in a while quickly turned into the worst. Your boyfriend's hateful messages reminded you why you never went out and why this was the biggest mistake you could have made.

The worst part was you saw it coming.

‘Move,’ you said, grabbing your bag. ‘Bradley, let me out now.’ ‘You can’t drive like this, Y/N. Let one of us take you home.’

Bradley sounded destroyed. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

‘Move.’

He nudged Bob, who stood up so Bradley could climb out of the booth. You were close behind him, and when your feet touched the floor, you nearly keeled over. Bradley reached out to steady you, but you shook him off.

‘Y/N. You can’t leave like this. How are you gonna get home?’

Ignoring his pleas, you made a beeline for the exit. Nat shoved Reuben into Mickey, trying to hurry them out of the booth so she could follow you, but you were surprisingly fast for a drunk person. Bradley was right about one thing: there was no way you could drive in this state. You ducked around the corner so Nat couldn’t see you and sank to the floor. Hot tears prickled behind your eyes as you did the one thing you didn’t want to do, but the only thing you could do.

You called Elijah.

He didn’t answer the first, second, third, or fourth time.

Half an hour passed, and you didn’t move. At one point, you heard Bradley, Nat, and Reuben talking around the corner, coming up with a plan for where to look for you. They knew you were on foot because your car was still in the lot, and since you’d disappeared so quickly, you couldn’t have gotten far. If the situation weren’t so tragic, it would’ve been funny that you were hiding ten paces away, and none of them could find you.

It was getting very late. People were getting in their cars and leaving or jumping into Ubers. Soon, your Jeep would be the only car left. You couldn’t face the daggers, and you couldn’t drive home, so you picked yourself up and took a slow walk down the beach to where the water met the sand.

What a beautiful night to have your heart broken.

There was no way Elijah would ever forgive you for this, no way you’d ever be able to convince him that nothing had happened between you and Bradley. The sane part of you knew that it was crazy to feel guilty for simply enjoying a night out with your friends, but the sane part of you rarely won these days. The part of you that loved Elijah was always loudest and knew this could never have gone any other way.

You were just about to resign yourself to calling a cab when you heard someone yelling your name from the top of the beach.

You either had the best or worst luck in the world because it was Bradley.

He made short work of the distance, giving you no time to come up with something to say. He looked otherworldly in the pale moonlight. His hair was slightly mused, and the same insane part of you that loved what it loved was whispering at you to run your fingers through it.

‘We’ve been looking all over for you, Y/N.’ He sounded very concerned as he pulled out his phone and texted the others to let them know you were safe. ‘I’m sorry, I just needed to be alone.’

You hadn’t even realised you were shivering until Bradley draped his Levi jacket over your shoulders.

‘You needed to be alone, or you needed to call Viper back?’ The tears threatened to make another appearance. ‘It’s none of your business.’ ‘What makes you think it’s not my business? I care about you and don’t want to keep watching you get hurt.’ ‘Then stop watching!’

Bradley recoiled, and you immediately felt awful. How Elijah spoke to you like that day in and day out without feeling guilty was a mystery to you.

‘I’m sorry, Bradley,’ you sighed, pulling his jacket tighter around you. ‘I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just very drunk and very emotional right now.’

He softened immediately and seemed torn about whether he should let you stand there freezing or pull you close. You hoped he wouldn’t try to pull you close because you didn’t think you’d have the guts to tell him no. Good feelings had been so incredibly hard to come by as of late.

‘Why are you still with him, Y/N?’ Bradley asked almost pleadingly.

Wow. He didn’t waste any time getting right to the point.

‘That’s a loaded question.’ ‘I need you to explain it to me because it’s killing me.’

You thought about it for a moment, and Bradley waited with bated breath to hear what you had to say.

In the end, it was this: ‘I guess we accept the love we think we deserve.’

Until you said it out loud, this phrase held little meaning to you. Now that it was out in the open, it was very heavy. In the last few months you’d tried coming up with a decent explanation as to why you were staying with Elijah, and you fell short every time. Turns out all you needed to do was get drunk and have an honest conversation to figure it out.

Coming to the realisation that what you’d just said was true felt like being in freefall. Everything in your life was changing shape to fit around this ugly truth. The good things in your heart shied away in the face of this monstrous fact.

You didn’t think you deserved a healthy love.

Somehow, Bradley was more hurt by this than when you’d snapped at him earlier. He was staring at the ground, unable to meet your eye like you’d just told him he wasn’t worthy of love.

‘You don’t think you deserve to be happy?’

Hearing him say it was somehow even worse.

‘Apparently not.’

You were both quiet for a moment, and then, for whatever reason, you laughed.

‘This is news to me too.’

The waves crashed loudly, water lapping at your feet as the tide came in. You couldn’t stand out here having epiphanies all night.

‘Listen, Rooster, I need to go home. I’m sorry for snapping.’ ‘I’ll take you home,’ he said quietly. ‘But we should talk tomorrow when you’re sober. Maybe we could get coffee.’ You shook your head. ‘After tonight, I don’t think that’s a smart idea. I’ll probably be spending tomorrow trying to salvage what’s left of my relationship.’ ‘You’re not serious.’ ‘I am.’

He opened his mouth to protest but then appeared to change his mind. You watched as all the fight he had left in him dissolved. There was nothing left for him to say, and he knew it.

The irritating birds that constantly chirped right outside your bedroom window woke you up. It was too damn early, and your head felt as though it was splitting open. When you sat up, you were hit by a wave of nausea so strong that you had no other choice but to sprint to the bathroom, smashing into the corner of your chest of drawers on the way.

Which was to say, it was a bad morning.

After you had puked up the entire contents of your stomach, you jumped straight in the shower, brushed your teeth, and did your skincare. At least if Elijah showed up at your front door, you wouldn’t look like you got super drunk last night, even though he’d probably already guessed.

When you checked your phone, there were still no notifications from him, and when you called, there was no answer. This wasn’t unlike him, but it had been almost twelve hours since Bradley picked up your phone, and you would have thought he’d have something to say by now.

To distract yourself from your impending doom, you threw open all the windows in your apartment, made your bed, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher—all the usual morning tasks. It seemed a shame to waste such a beautiful Saturday, but you doubted you’d enjoy any of your hobbies when you were this anxious and hungover.

With nothing else left to do, you set about making some breakfast.

Just as you put your bagel in the toaster, somebody knocked on the door.

Your stomach twisted itself into an impossibly tight knot. You were rooted to the spot, unable to move until whoever it was knocked a second time.

You looked through the peephole, expecting to see Elijah standing there with his dark eyebrows knitted together in frustration. It was the only scenario that had crossed your mind, so when you saw Bradley standing there, you were very surprised.

You took a deep breath and opened the door, greeted by the warm scent of sandalwood once again.

‘Bradley?’

He was holding two iced lattes, which you were betting were vanilla—your favourite. Elijah hadn’t done that for you since the first week of your relationship.

‘Hey, Y/N. Thought you could use this.’

He wasn’t wrong. You ushered him inside, and he headed to the kitchen, where he

perched himself on one of the stools at your kitchen island. This morning, he was sporting one of his more toned-down Hawaiian shirts and dark jeans. His eyelids drooped, and you wondered if he’d slept at all.

‘I was just about to make bagels. Want one?’ ‘Sure, thank you.’

You busied yourself, putting bacon and eggs into a pan while he sipped his coffee. He eyed you with the curiosity of someone who had come over to check that you were all in one piece. Once he was satisfied that you were, he relaxed slightly.

‘Thank you for bringing me home last night. I really appreciate it.’ You told him earnestly. ‘You don’t need to thank me. You’d have done the same thing.’ ‘True, but still. And I’m sorry for snapping at you.’

Last night was gradually coming back to you in flashes, like a supercut. Each time you remembered a new detail, you cringed internally.

‘You also don’t need to apologise. Has he called you?’

While the eggs and bacon were cooking, you toasted another bagel for Bradley and buttered yours. Even though you’d known him for years and been quite close until you got into a relationship, you were struggling to admit that you were pretty much being ghosted. It was already hard to walk around on base knowing that everybody was aware of how Elijah treated you. When you didn’t respond, Bradley took that as a no.

‘Well, that’s his problem,’ he spat. ‘You did absolutely nothing wrong. Maybe if he were less of a control freak, you would have felt like you could tell him you were out with us rather than hiding it, and then he wouldn’t have found out the way he did.’

The toaster popped, and you jumped. It felt like somebody had run a cheese grater over your nerves. Bradley ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath, clearly trying to reign in his anger.

‘I should apologise too,’ he continued. ‘I shouldn’t have answered your phone. It was a dick move, and I regretted it the instant I did it.’

You buttered the second bagel, put one egg on each of the bottom halves, and stacked two pieces of bacon on top before adding the top part. You didn’t say a word the entire time, and Bradley was starting to get antsy.

‘Y/N. Please talk to me.’ ‘I don’t know what to say, Roo. I’m struggling even to think straight right now. He knows it drives me fucking crazy when he’s having a go at me and doesn’t respond. I don’t understand why he does it, knowing how it makes me feel.’ Bradley sighed. ‘Because he doesn’t give a shit how you feel. He doesn’t give a shit about anything other than himself and how he feels.’

This wasn’t news to you, but again, it was more impactful to hear someone else say it out loud. Really, how long could you keep this up? Whether you thought you deserved it or not, you were starting to wonder if you might be better off alone than with someone who made living feel like walking next to a cliff with your eyes closed.

You pushed Bradley’s plate across the counter and picked up your bagel. Eating felt impossible, but getting through the day with this headache would be excruciating if you didn’t at least try.

‘Come and sit down,’ Bradley said. ‘It’s not good to eat standing up.’ Despite everything, you managed to laugh. And this time, it was a real laugh. ‘Why?’ A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. ‘I don’t know. My mum used to say it all the time.’

You did as you were told, and you walked around the island, taking the seat next to him. The two of you ate in companionable silence, periodically taking sips of your coffees. This was how easy it should have been with Elijah.

When you were both finished, Bradley put your plates, pan, and utensils into the dishwasher. You were too tired to tell him to stop.

‘Thanks for breakfast.’ You smiled. ‘Thanks for being you.’

Bradley’s smile mirrored your own. Unsaid words hung in the air, but you didn’t know what to say. His leaving didn’t feel right, but if he stayed and Elijah made an appearance, he’d most definitely break up with you.

But wasn’t this radio silence all the confirmation you needed that things were pretty much over, anyway? You were starting to wonder if this weekend had all happened exactly the way it was supposed to. Your eyes were indeed open, that was for sure. Of course, you’d known that the relationship wasn’t healthy, but this weekend had really driven the point home.

‘Do you wanna go for a walk along the beach?’ You asked, hopefully. ‘We could grab some ice cream at that little place next to the arcade.’

Bradley didn’t just look happy. He also looked relieved that you weren’t asking him to leave.

‘I’d love to.’

It was a beautiful Spring day, perfect walking weather. Honestly, it was the last thing Bradley expected you to suggest, so he jumped on the idea before you could change your mind and send him home.

Because he really didn’t want to go home.

He’d sensed that you didn’t want to talk about Viper, and you’d yet to bring up your conversation on the beach last night. Bradley was beginning to doubt that you even remembered everything you said—all that nonsense about not deserving a healthy love. Bradley didn’t take you as a liar, which meant you believed that you weren’t deserving of happiness. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt quite so sad and also angry at the same time. So many emotions were warring for the top spot in his heart, and as a result, his brain was incredibly foggy.

A walk along the beach with you was perhaps the only cure.

‘Did you hear about Hangman?’ Bradley assumed you hadn’t. ‘No?’ ‘He’s getting deployed. He’s leaving next month.’ ‘How long is he going for?’ ‘Six months.’ You whistled lowly. ‘Damn.’ ‘I know. I think he’s looking forward to it, though. I sure am.’ ‘You know, I don’t think you hate him half as much as you say.’ Bradley chuckled. ‘Maybe not, but being nice to him wouldn’t feel right. Even after everything that happened on the mission.’

The two of you walked down the beach, chit-chatting about anything that came to mind. You were about halfway to the ice cream place when your phone pinged. Bradley guessed it would be Viper, but he never could have guessed what the message said.

It was a photo of you and Bradley walking down the beach, taken from behind. The picture had been forwarded to you from someone else.

E<3: always knew you were a slut.

You inhaled sharply, obviously hurt by the words on the screen. Not two seconds later, he sent another text.

E<3: PS: we’re fucking over.

The two of you had stopped walking. Bradley watched over your shoulder as you furiously typed a reply and deleted it again. You turned to face him, and his heart just about broke when he saw the tears streaming down your cheeks. You didn’t need to say a word. He pulled you close to him, wrapping you tightly in his arms. You stayed that way for a while, sobbing into his Hawaiian shirt as he rubbed your back soothingly. When you eventually pulled away, the first thing you did was apologise.

‘There’s nothing for you to be sorry for, sweet girl. He’s the one who should be sorry.’ You sniffled. ‘I don’t know what to reply.’ ‘Leave it for now,’ he said. ‘We can go get ice cream, take a slow walk back to yours. Then I’ll help you think of something.’ ‘I don’t know if I feel like ice cream anymore.’ ‘Well, that’s too bad because I do. Ice cream is the best remedy for heartbreak.’ ‘Did your mum tell you that too?’ ‘She sure did.’

It turns out Bradley was right about ice cream being the best remedy for heartbreak. The two of you sat on the wall, watching the waves while he munched on a mint chocolate chip cone and you butterscotch. It was hard to tell whether it was the best ice cream you’d ever had or if it was because you were with Bradley. If you remembered correctly, you’d had ice cream from this same place with Elijah before, and it hadn’t been this nice.

Thinking back on your memories with him only made you want to cry, so you did your best to shove them to the back of your mind. Despite the fact that he was actually a very shitty person, he’d been a dream at the beginning, and that didn’t just go away. The happy moments didn’t just suddenly turn to ash, as much as you wished they would.

‘What are your plans for the rest of the night?’ Bradley asked around his ice cream cone. ‘I don’t know, Roo. I’m kinda working on a minute-to-minute basis right now.’ Bradley nodded. ‘Okay, well, what would you say to junk food run and a movie night?’ ‘With you? ‘If you want to. I just don’t think it’s good for you to be alone.’ ‘I don’t want you to feel like you have to babysit me.’ ‘Is that what you think this is?’ ‘No, but I don’t want to be a burden. Or a charity case.’ ‘Y/N, you’re none of those things. I always want to spend time with you. Just so happens I have a good excuse today.’ You frowned into your ice cream. ‘Okay. As long as you’re sure.’

The two of you finished your ice cream and took a slow walk back to your apartment. When you got in, the first thing you noticed was a framed photograph of you and your now ex-boyfriend on the side table in the hallway. When your bottom lip started trembling, Bradley picked up the photo, put it face down, and then proceeded to run around your apartment and take down any others. It didn’t feel like the same place you’d left a few hours ago. It was haunted by memories that would never look right in the light of day. Even the happiest ones from the start were tainted with the ugliness of his cruel words and actions.

‘This place is so depressing.’ You grumbled.

Bradley stood in front of you with a stack of photos and one of Elijah’s t-shirts.

‘It’s not. It’s your home, Y/N. We just have to pack away his stuff and put it all in a box.’ ‘An ex-boyfriend box.’ Bradley smiled sadly. ‘Yeah, exactly. It might be over, and he might be a dick, but it was still a big part of your life, and it’s important to keep the memories safe in case you wanna look back on them someday.’ ‘Or in case I wanna burn them.’ ‘That too.’ Bradley chuckled

So you helped him gather all the mementoes from your relationship and put them in an old Dr Martens box. It all looked pretty pathetic, packed away in a shoebox.

‘I found one of his hoodies and a few other things.’ You called from your bedroom. ‘Can you grab me a bin bag from the top of the fridge?’

You heard shuffling, and then Bradley was standing in the doorway holding out the bag you requested.

‘Damn, he doesn’t even get one of the nice Trader Joe's bags?’ ‘No,’ you giggled. ‘He gets a trash bag because his stuff is trash, and he’s trash.’

You weren’t really at the stage where you believed that just yet, but saying it was really satisfying, and it felt good to laugh. Fake it till you make it or whatever.

‘Want me to give it to him tomorrow?’ ‘Thanks, but I should really be the one to do it. I haven’t even texted him back.’ You thought about it for a moment and then continued. ‘Would it be cheeky of me to ask if you’ll come with me? Maybe Nat, too? I could use some moral support, and he’s less likely to make a scene if the two of you are there.’ ‘Of course I’ll be there. I won’t say anything unless you need me to or unless he starts. I can’t make that same promise for Nix, though.’ ‘I haven’t even told Nat yet,’ you sighed. ‘I don’t think I wanna talk about it right this second.’ ‘I’ll text her. Don’t worry about it.’

From your spot on the floor, you looked up at Bradley. The evening sunlight was streaming in through the windows, casting an ethereal glow around him.

‘You should change your callsign to angel.’ A look of pleasant surprise flickered across his handsome features. ‘Why?’ ‘Because you’re literally my angel, Roo. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.’

Half an hour later, Bradley convinced you to go on a junk food run with him in the Bronco. He said tonight was a mandatory, post-breakup wallowing sesh because if you bottled up your feelings now, you’d explode later at a much more inconvenient time.

The two of you had been screaming along to all the classic breakup songs: All Too Well by Taylor Swift (yes, he knew all the words), Who Knew by Pink, What About Now by Daughtry… He’d driven the long way to the store because you got so into it.

Now, as you scanned the shelves in Target, you asked: ‘What is it about screaming sad songs that makes you feel better?’ ‘It’s cathartic,’ Bradley explained. ‘Helps you relieve the strong feelings.’ ‘You know a lot about heartbreak.’ ‘Well, I’ve had my fair share of sadness.’ You froze. ‘That was insensitive of me, I’m sorry.’ Bradley took the packed of Reeses Pieces from your hands so he could hold them. ‘Can you make me a promise?’ ‘What?’ You asked sceptically. ‘Promise you’re gonna stop apologising to me all the time. You have nothing to be sorry for.’ ‘Sorry.’ You smiled sheepishly. He shook his head. ‘That’s not what you’re supposed to say.’ ‘Okay, fine,’ you huffed. ‘I promise to stop apologising all the time.’ ‘Thank you,’ Bradley said, releasing your hands reluctantly. ‘Now, pick out five more things.’ ‘Five? There’s already five things in the basket.’ ‘Did I ask?’ ‘I’m gonna get fat.’ ‘Don’t be so ridiculous. Wallowing means junk food, and I don’t know if you’re looking at the same basket I am, but that’s not enough junk food.’ ‘Christ Almighty, okay.’

He helped you pick out five more things, and then you headed to check out.

‘What movies are good for wallowing?’ You asked. ‘Well, we have to start with a couple of sad ones and then finish with a happy one.’

The cashier told you your total, and Bradley tapped his card before you could even get yours out. You gave him a withering look.

‘I would’ve paid for that. You paid for the ice cream.’ ‘So?’ ‘So we should take it in turns.’

Obviously, he carried the bags as well, and as you walked back to the Bronco, he couldn’t help but wonder if Viper made you take it in turns. If you were his girl, you’d never have to tap your card.

‘What’s your favourite sad movie?’ He inquired. You opened the trunk for him so he could put the bags in. ‘Technically, it’s not a sad movie. But there’s this part in Inside Out…Wait, have you watched it before? I don’t wanna spoil it for you.’ ‘The part where Bing Bong gets forgotten?’ You gasped. ‘How did you know?’ ‘Because it gets me every single time.’

The way you looked at him in that moment, like he had hung the moon in the sky—God, it was too much.

‘We’ll start with Inside Out,’ he told you, opening the passenger door so you could climb in. ‘And then we’ll think of something else.’

Without giving much thought to what he was doing, Bradley found himself buckling your seatbelt for you. You were holding your breath, and it dawned on him how easy it would be to kiss you if he were that sort of guy.

And as much as he wanted to kiss you, he was not that sort of guy. He wasn’t about to take advantage of the fact that some asshole had just taken a sledgehammer to your very beautiful heart.

‘Can we watch Bridge To Terabithia?’ You whispered.

Bradley hadn’t moved, and you were so close that he could feel your warm breath on his cheek.

‘Are you trying to break my heart, Y/N?’ ‘Yes. I want you to feel my pain.’

He was grinning the whole way around the car to the driver’s side and still grinning when he got in the car. You already had his phone in your hand, searching for more sad songs so you could continue your car concert on the way back to your apartment. He drove the long way again so the two of you could finish your rendition of ‘I Don’t Love You’ by My Chemical Romance, which Bradley didn’t know the words to. He tried his best, though, because you seemed to love it, and he couldn’t deny you anything.

By the time you got home, the sun had almost entirely set. While he set the snacks out on the coffee table, you went around lighting candles and switching on fairy lights. He’d never seen your apartment in the dark, and it was incredibly cosy. Even though it was relatively warm, you dragged all your blankets and pillows from your bed and made a little nest on the sofa. You were so adorable, it was hard to believe that someone could treat you badly.

If you were his girl, every night would look like this—except you’d be a lot happier, and there would be no tears.

Halfway through Bridge To Terebitha, you fell asleep. Bradley had been trying to keep his distance despite wanting to wrap you up in his arms, yet somehow—in your sleep—you’d ended up with your legs in his lap. He’d frozen at first, but once he realised you were dead to the world, he allowed himself to rest his hands on your knees. Really, it was that or sit with his arms crossed, and that would be silly.

For the duration of the movie, his attention flickered between you and the TV. Every time he tried paying attention to what was happening, his eyes wandered back to your peaceful face. He marvelled at your astounding beauty, the delicate way your eyelashes rested against the tops of your rosy cheeks. Bradley had always admired you, and you’d been good friends for years, but what he felt in that moment was something else entirely. By the time the end credits started rolling, he knew without a doubt that he’d set whole cities ablaze to keep you warm. Feelings as rapidly growing as his should have been terrifying, but Bradley wasn’t scared. Falling in love with you seemed to be as easy as wading out into a calm ocean on a warm summer’s day.

He knew you’d yet to learn that falling in love and staying in love should always be this easy. He knew it was going to take some time to convince you that you deserved healthy love, that the right person would never run away from you and keep turning around to make sure you were chasing them.

But Bradley was a patient man, and he would wait as long as he had to.

End of part one.

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thecordelialetters · 3 months ago

Text

I’ll love you in every multiverse Pt. 2 I Five Hargreeves x Reader

Post Apocalypse Au! WC: 1.8k Pt. 1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4

Summary: The Umbrella’s can understand jumping through time and all its rules, yeah fuck with the timeline and it’ll fuck you right back. But what happens when a portal opens up in the middle of the academy and outfalls a girl who claims to be Five’s wife from a different universe.

It had been four hours since you and Five arrived at the library. Piles and piles of books surrounded the two of you, none of which seemed to have the answers you needed. Equations were littered across the table and papers were strewn about. Five spoke up a few feet away from where you were sitting. "Im getting nowhere. I think we need to start from square one with my formula for time travel and superimpose that on the multiversal possibility." You looked at him ready to ask for a simpler explanation but when you saw his eyes focused on the paper ahead of him, you couldn't help but feel a throb in your chest. You missed your Five. The feel of his skin, the look of love in his eyes, the tone of his voice when he said he loved you. Five noticed your silence and looked up. "Are you okay?" You looked away blinking back tears. "Yeah I'm fine, let's just keep looking." But Five sensed you were no longer in the mood to research, so he got up and held his hand to you.

"Come on, staring at these pages too long will fry your brain, let's get some food." You grabbed his hand and savored the warmth it held. Each callous represented the number of missions he went through, though it was clean of the blood he shed it felt like home. If this was home, if this was before the fight, you and Five might be sitting together, not 5 feet apart, reading books. Perhaps the two of you would be in comfortable silence, your feet in his lap and his hand massaging your ankle every once in a while. Maybe he would look over, and you would glance back, peaking over the words of little women, one of your faves. Possibly he would put his book down and climb over to you . He would kiss your cheek, then your neck, and then settle in a comfortable spot beside you.

A cough from this universe's Five pulled you out of your reverie. The two of you ended up in a small Chinese takeout place that was decorated to the brim with gaudy oriental lanterns and curtains. It wasn't too busy, the noise mostly consisted of the cooking in the back and the occasional ring of the phone. Five brought over two containers, pork and white rice with steamed vegetables for himself and beef broccoli lo main for you. Surprisingly even this Five subconsciously knew what you wanted.

“How,” he looked uncomfortable, as if he didn’t know how to talk anymore. “How have you uh been so far?” He put a big spoonful of rice in his mouth as if it were to stop him from asking another bland question.

Awkwardly you looked to the side, “I’ve been fine, missing home, worried about how my husbands doing, worried how I'll be able to get back, if I could get back.” You paused for a second, pursing your lips at the thought. “Wondering what I’ll do if I can’t get back.”

The sentence brought tears to your eyes, as if saying it out loud only solidified the possibility of it.

Despite thinking you’d flinch back, Five hesitantly reached over to touch your hand. But you didn’t, it was an action he had done a million times over. "I will do everything I can to help you." His eyes held so much sincerity at that moment. Behind the relief you felt at that statement, you felt a question poke your subconscious. Maybe it was the fact that he was another version of your husband, but he looked so handsome and sweet in that moment, that you actually thought about leaning over to kiss him. Five looked at you deeply after promising to help you get home, but he wasn't sure if he even meant what he said. Some part of him enjoyed having you around. You already knew him and he was still shocked that in another world he was able to have you. The two of you finished up your food while making some small talk about your old life, and what his previous plans were. Walking back home was a comfortable silence, two hands occasionally brushed up against one another without the confidence to fully connect.

It was late when you arrived at the academy, a tired look adorning your face with sleepy yawns escaping your mouth. Five gingerly led you through the entrance to his room. He left you sitting on the bed and brought back an assortment of things. "I grabbed you a towel, toothbrush, and an extra set of pajamas. There is a bathroom right outside to your left and if you need anything I'll be sleeping in Vanya's old room." You peeked up at him through thick lashes, "Thanks Five." He closed the door and left the room to clean up for bed. As he was changing he imagined yourself helping him get ready, maybe playfully joking while the two of you brushed your teeth. What were you like in bed, not in that way, but how did you sleep? Did you cuddle him? Did you prefer to be big spoon or little spoon, did you snore? It was 2 hours and he was still imagining the life the two of you would have, did have. His wife. He had Delores and his family, but settling down with a real woman and being able to live a peaceful domestic life was something he thought was a farfetched dream in this world.

Meanwhile, as you got ready for bed you started to look around Five’s room. Everything from his childhood was here. He definitely had a knack for math seeing the equations everywhere and the toy trains on his dresser. You couldn’t imagine young Five being too different from older Five, probably a smart ass. Lifting the covers you slid into the bed engulfed by his scent. Closing your eyes you swore you felt a ghost of an arm reaching around you.

The lights from the window hitting your eyes woke you up. You laid under the covers relishing the warmth, your hand moved over to your left, a cold spot where Five would have been. Your heart yearned for him like crazy, and wondered what he was doing right now and if he was okay. Getting up you got ready for the day, brushed your teeth washed your face before digging through Allison's closet for more normal clothes. Deciding on a pair of jeans and a tank top you made your way down the stairs where you were greeted by Five accompanied by an all-American breakfast, bacon eggs, and toast. "There's some coffee in the pot, creamer in the fridge, and sugar here." He gestured to the counter with a cup in his hand. "Thank you Five, this smells delicious." You let your hair fall over your face to hide your smile. Sweet. That was sweet of him. "Where uh is everyone else?" You hadn't seen anyone at the estate since you arrived. "Im not sure they usually like to go off on their own." Short and sweet, Okay probably wouldn't be getting much help from them. You made yourself a cup and sat down at the counter across from him. He stood there staring at his notebook and occasionally sipped his drink. You probably stared at him longer than necessary because he looked up at you. Green eyes met brown until yours flickered away. "Sorry It's just, you," you paused to think of the right words. "You're him, I can't stop thinking about him."

It looked like Five was having an inner conflict before one side eventually won. He swiftly rounded the corner, face hovering just above your head. "I'm not him...but I hope this helps." He wrapped his arms around your body. Your nose buried in his shirt, the feel, the smell it was all so overwhelming. You brought your hands around him and clung back, eyes clenched so tight as if he would disappear the minute they opened. "Please don't go" you whispered. "I would never." He replied. An outsider, upon looking at the two, would never guess they were strangers. This was a lover's embrace. Surprisingly you were the first to let go while Five continued to squish you. Slowly he loosened his grip, but not before pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. "Do... Do you think I'll find her? My (y/n)?" He pulled away to look at you. You bite your lip, you didn't want to give him false hope nor want to crush him. "I don't know, there's no way to tell for sure. Maybe one day you'll cross paths. But know this." You grabbed his hand and put it over your wedding ring. "You'll make her the happiest girl in the world. And she will love you, all of you, for everything you are." It took everything in him to not kiss you, you weren't really his. The walk back to the library was quiet. Not a comfortable silence like before but there felt like there was an elephant in the room. The tension between the two of you was like a thick block of concrete. You pulled out 4 books from across the library and brought it over to the table the two of you sat at. "Here this one deals with multiversal theories, this one deals with the quantum realm, and this one is about space-time and math." The last book unbeknownst to Five was actually Viktor's memoir. You had seen it discarded in a "free book!" bin and was curious about what information it contained. While your study partner was busy with equations, you silently skimmed the book under the table. You read about the pain Reginald Hargreeves inflicted on the children, how Viktor felt like an outsider in his own home, how the children struggled with the lack of love at home, and the day Five jumped. There wasn't much about the actual day but what happened after, and Viktor's grief coming to terms with it. It was heartbreaking to read, even more so when you read about Ben's death.

Before you could read any further a cough snapped you out of your concentration. "So from what I gathered...we are going to need a lot of equipment. Now there's a lot of inheritance money left from my father but it's going to take a while." He grimaced, Five felt bad. He felt bad that you were probably suffering. “Don’t worry I’m going to help you, we’ll work day and night to get this thing going. It'll take having to use our powers and though, are you okay with that?” He knew that using your powers siphoned your life force and he didn’t want to risk that. “If that's what it'll take for me to get home then so be it.” You nodded comfortably. “I’ll try as much as I can to make sure you don’t use too much, but nothing's certain.”

He would make it certain. In the few days he'd spent with you, it wasn't hard to imagine eternity. No matter what he would make sure you could get home safely.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚

Author's note: I know I haven't posted in forever but I have like so many chapters in my draft sooooo... be on the look out for She's my angel as well ! She's my Angel Pt1. Shes my Angel Pt2.

Taglist : @cialovesklopp , @lovehatekill

#fanfic #five hargreeves #five hargreaves #five hargreeves x reader #number five #five x reader #tua fanfic #tua x reader #tua five #the umbrella academy #umbrella acedmy #five x you #commonplace #five x y/n #five hargreaves x reader #five hargreaves x you

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cosmicmunsonwrites · 1 year ago

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can you do something with anxious reader who is just always overthinking everything and bf jj comfort her

looking out for you

pairing(s): bf!jj maybank x gf!fem!anxious!reader , sarah cameron x fem!reader (platonic)

warnings: overthinking, slight jealousy, pet names, alcohol

summary: after seeing jj with another girl at a kegger, you start to think of all the possibilities.

authors note: thank you so much for the request! this is my first time writing one so i hope it’s good :) i’m kinda excited to write these so please request more!!

not edited

do not copy my works. i do not condone rewrites, translations, or edited versions. all my content is my content that i wrote.

not my gif

“you need another drink, babe?” sarah asked softly, holding out a red solo cup to you. “you feelin’ okay?”

you smiled gratefully and took the cup. “thank you.” she followed your eye line to jj who was across the boneyard talking to a different girl. “i’m okay. just a little out of it, i guess.”

she leaned her head onto your shoulder, frowning at your expression. “i’m sure its nothing to worry about. don’t stress yourself out too much.”

“sarah! come here real quick!” john b called out from by the water.

she looked to you for a moment with a sad look on her face. “i’m sorry, babe. i gotta go make sure he doesn’t fall on his ass with how drunk he is,” she explained. “you’ll be okay though. if you need anything, i’ll be right there and my doors always open.”

a sweet smile spread across your lips. “thank you, honey.” she giggled and took a sip from her drink.

she waved at you as she walked away, headed towards her boyfriend who was drunkenly stumbling around on the water.

your eyes averted back to your boyfriend who was still talking to that same girl. she had perfectly tanned skin and long brown hair. she was definitely athletic, maybe a surfer if you had to guess.

something jj would totally be into.

from the looks of it, he looked like he was really passionate about whatever he was talking about. was he flirting with her?

your mind began to race and your hands were starting to get clammy.

you had met jj at a kegger and that what had started your relationship. was he doing the same with that girl now? did he want to be with her instead of you? were you not interesting anymore?

they’d been talking far too long to just be passing. you took another sip of the cheap beer and threw the cup away, beginning the walk to the chateau to try and take your mind off things.

————

jj laid behind you on the couch, his chest against your back and your butt flush to his pelvis. a blanket draped over the two of you, the blonde having mischievously turned the temperature in the room down so you’d snuggle up closer to him.

there was a movie playing in front of you, one that you weren’t even paying attention to, too focused on what you’d seen earlier and what it could’ve meant.

his head was propped up on his hand that rested against the arm rest so he could watch while the other twirled your hair between his fingers absentmindedly.

suddenly, a new thought popped into your head.

were you too close to him? maybe you were starting to make him feel suffocated. or maybe your weight was leaning too much on him? did he even want to lay with you like this?

you scooted forward slightly, your body no longer pressed against him. he groaned and placed a gentle hand on your hip. “where’d you go, baby?”

you just shrugged and held onto the blanket tighter. he reached around you to grab the remote and pause it. “whats wrong?” he asked, looking at you with his brows furrowed in confusion.

“nothing,” you mumbled quietly.

his hand moved from your hip to gently grab your chin and turn your head towards him. “tell me what’s wrong, pretty girl.”

you shifted uncomfortably. “who was the girl you were talking to earlier?”

he smiled and kissed your neck softly. “just some random girl.”

that didn’t help at all. “what?”

“some girl tried flirting with me,” he said.

you began to get in your head. “you were talking to her for a while. seemed like you were really into her.”

he kissed along your neck again. “baby, i was talking about you. i told her i had a girlfriend then she started saying all this shit so i started bragging on and on about you before i walked away.” you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your lips before he was pulling you back in. “c’mere.”

you scooted back against him, his lips peppering kisses all over your neck, cheek and jawline. “‘s only you that i want, pretty baby. you’ve got all my attention.”

#gracies asks and requests 💌#gracie writes jj maybank 🌸#jj mayback x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank angst #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank obx #jj maybank x you #jj #jj maybank fic #jj obx #obx jj #obx jj maybank #obx

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tenjikyu · 3 months ago

Note

Okay! With your earlier reply in mind, here is my second request *slides it across the nonexistent table*

I've been having major Mitsuya brain rot so obviously this request will be about him :>

Picture this: Final timeline adult Mitsuya doing all his fashion designing stuff x house spouse (gn version of housewife/househusband).

Genre can be fluff, maybe a bit suggestive if that's okay with you, I don't mind either way, I am just dying for some Mitsuya works cuz I swear I've read most of the gn and male reader x him fics out there and I am starving for new content with him

Hopefully this was coherent and had at least something you could work with (if you need anything more specific, I can send another request)

— 🎭

𝘋𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘍𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘏𝘶𝘴𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ mitsuya x GN!housespouce!reader , pure fluff n slightly suggestive but it’s nothing more then kissing, I 💗 mitsuya omg, still haven’t rewatched Tokyo rev I’ve been slack 🙁, short n sweet but I was struggling to finish it and I didn’t wanna keep the people waiting much longer so I do apologise.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ I’m so sorry for how long this took!! I desperately wanted to get this out before it hit the 1 month mark but I’ve been super duper busy with personal shit! Hope it’s still good enough lmao.

Takashi ironed the fabric with the upmost care, fondling the silk around the board with a low heat level on. The design itself was a dress resembling a lotus flower. The top was beaded with pale pink rhinestones and the bottom consisted with an array of green silks and gems. It had a sharp yet form fitting feel and anyone could tell the designer put the upmost love into the piece.

A gentle knock came from the other side of his work studio, and there was only one person it could be.

“Here darling, I made you some miso soup to have. Light enough it’ll keep you full but still good for dinner”, your voice charms his ears. Ever since moving in with him, you’ve taken on the role of housespouce. You clean and cook for him, in order to provide the best possible space for Takashi to work in.

It had been twelve years since the two of you got together in middle school. You were the schools vice president, and he was a gang member. Despite the opposite worlds, you hung out frequently and even babysat his sisters when he was unavailable. The day Takashi knew he wanted to some day marry you was the day he came home to his two younger sisters resting in your lap, washed dishes and comfortably lying on the futon.

Now, the two of you reside in an upper class place with lots of room for Takashi’s designs, and none of them are anything short of ethereal. Behind every design he creates, inspiration of you seeps through the thread and needle. Your favourite flower, animal, colour and styles all influence Takashi’s dresses and all of them are of the highest quality.

So, whenever you come into the studio, Takashi gives you a big grin and awaits a hug from his favourite partner.

“How’s your day, darling?” He asks you, and you smile gently at him.

“I’ve missed you, I can’t deny. It seems you’ve been locked in here forever”.

“I apologise my dear”.

“I know another way you can’t make it up to me..” you grin at him, and his cheeks flush with a pink hue.

Kissing his Adam’s apple gently, you guide him up and out of the studio, into your bedroom. Lying his cherished body onto the bed, you feel up his torso as you continue to litter him with small hickies.

He soon follows your lead, pressing a loving kiss to your cultivating lips. You swear there’s nothing closer to heaven than this man’s touch, and you’re convinced you’ve ascended as he grips your cheeks to deepen your kiss.

“I’ve missed you too, darling”, Takashi presses another kiss to your collarbone and manoeuvres his hands around your waist, and you sigh gently at his grip.

“I promise you I’ll give you what you want, after we eat dinner “, you giggle, and his pout is nothing short of cute.

“So you lead me to bed and suddenly leave me high and dry? I’m hurt baby”, he chuckles out, pressing one last kiss to the wedding ring on your finger.

“After dinner, I’ll give you all the desert you desire my love”.

#takashi #takashi mitsuya #mitsuya takashi #takashi x reader #mitsuya x reader #Tokyo revengers #Tokyo rev #Tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x male reader #male reader #Tokyo rev x reader #Tokyo rev x male reader

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polyklok · 1 year ago

Text

Thank you @hopedope for sending me this lovely request in a very nice manner! I’m sorry it took me like damn near a year to get it done 😅

Doing Pickles’ Makeup

“C’mon, pleeeeaaassseeee?”

Pickles raised his eyes to you, slightly amused by your begging and more-than-slightly annoyed by your persistence. It was impressive, though. You had caught him at a particularly vulnerable moment of looking through naked lady fan mail and he was in a good mood. With your hard work and determination, you whittled down his several ‘No’s to a ‘Maybe’ and now, finally, a-

“I’ll think aboot it.”

“What’s there to think about? Just lemme take a crack at it!”

You had found an old magazine, of which Snakes ‘N Barrels headlined on. From that, a pretty close-up of Pickles’ glamor days, in which he was smothered in smokey purple eyeshadow and cherry red lipgloss. He doesn’t even know why that magazine was in Mordhaus in the first place. You somehow got it in your head that you needed to see an updated version of his dolled-up look.

He shuffled through a few more letters, no longer taking the time to admire the detailed shots of many-a titties. You leaned forward even more, keeping an eager stare. Damn your puppy-dog eyes.

“Fine. But I’m nat keepin’ it on all damn day.”

A mischievous grin spread across your face. He hated how adorable your evil ass could be.

At the very least, it was relaxing. He insisted the two of you had taken the activity to his room, he did not need anymore comments from his bandmates about how gay his makeup was. You straddled him on his bed, dipping the brush onto the makeup pallet by his head and spreading it across his closed eyelids. He shivered every time your warm breath puffed against his now-highlighted cheeks, fingers gripping harder onto your thighs he was allowed to hold as an added bonus for his troubles.

“M’gonna add shimmer,” You muttered, more so to yourself than him.

“No. Anything but the sparkles.” He said in a flat tone, mocking his earlier reluctance. Although he couldn’t see it, he swore he heard your lips spread into another smile. Maybe he’d let you do his makeup again if it made you this happy. Maybe.

His eyes felt heavier and heavier every time that brush glided against them again. He couldn’t tell if you were adding an ungodly amount of product or if he was just getting sleepy from it. His head sunk deeper into the mattress. He can’t remember why he was so reluctant in the first place. Having you on top of him while he got to practically nap rocked.

“Open your eyes,” You said, softly, ruining the comfortable moment.

“Don’t wanna,” He replied, just as soft.

“Pickles.” Oh shit. He knew not to defy that kind of tone. His eyes immediately shot open, wincing slightly at the sudden light flooding his vision. While you shuffled through your makeup bag, he admired the point of view he had, letting his hands linger up to your waist.

“Here.” You brought out a recognizable tube. Pickles grimaced. Even way back then, this was by far his least part of the process. You popped the mascara out and leaned in even closer than before, placing those little bristles right in his eye line.

“Blink.”

He did so and immediately regretted it. It was so weird to have his eyelashes, a teensy body part he hardly ever noticed on himself, to suddenly be covered in thick goop. But he didn’t fight it, blinking thrice for each eye and pushing down the strong urge to rub it all out. You blew gently on his new lashes, drying them into a thick, heavy fan.

“Yuck,” He mumbled, trying not to let you hear. If you did, you ignored it, simply assuring him that you were almost done.

“You want red, pink, or black lips?” You asked, shimmying down his legs so he could sit up properly.

“Dealer’s choice. I trust ya.”

You chose the black, which was really more of a super dark blue with a pearly sheen. He rested his jaw in your hand, holding his mouth limp to give you the perfect canvas to spread the lipstick on. Just as you were finishing his bottom lip, savoring the intimate moment-

“PICKLES! Toki and Skw-Woah. What the hell?” Nathan kicked open the door, apparently needing to tell Pickles some absolutely essential information, only to find you sitting in his lap and applying fucking makeup to him.

“Jesus fuckin- Nate’n, I told you to start fackin knockin, man!” Pickles turned his head so violently, the black smeared across his cheek in an ugly streak. You frowned, there goes your hard work.

“Pickles is getting his fucking makeup done!” Nathan yelled down the hall.

“Scheriously?!”

“Ha! Dat ams so gay!”

The rest of his bandmates could be heard not too far away. Pickles groaned, “Get the HELL outta here, dood!” He grabbed an empty beer bottle from his nightstand and flung it at the doorframe, shattering it.

“What’re you trying to relive the nineties or something? Gonna go back to your old band?” Nathan was clearly digging into his irritations, playfully enjoying how pissed off Pickles was getting.

“I think he looks hot,” You said matter-of-factly, hugging his head and pressing it against your chest. Pickles went slightly red with the affection, frantically waving his hands to get Nathan to fuck off. Nathan, luckily, understood the signal and promptly shut the door right before the rest of the band could get their mockery in.

“D’ose fuckin’ guys,” Pickles mumbled against you, one again relaxing into your touch, “You really like how I look like this?”

You pulled back, examining his face. His eyeshadow primarily black, blending into a very shimmery gold color. His highlighter was a similar gold and, despite the smudge, his lips looks good enough to kiss. So you did. “You always look good. Just especially now.”

“Don’t give yerself too much credit,” He teased with a smile, dragging you down with him in a tight squeeze. Though he wouldn’t admit it, he loved being fawned over whilst the two of you cuddled into oblivion.

#metalocalypse #dethklok #metalocalypse x reader #request filled #polyklok is real #pickles the drummer #metalocalypse pickles #nathan explosion #metalocalypse nathan #pickles the drummer x reader #pickles x reader #Metalocalypse fanfic

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holylulusworld · 1 year ago

Text

Peacock

Summary: It's your birthday and you end up eating alone.

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

Warnings: angst, trust issues, abandonment, Ransom being a douche, unrequited feelings, being lonely during birthday/Christmas, having the blues,

A/N: This is the alternative version of Dinner for one. I decided to turn it into a story too but with a different ending.

Written for: Winter Break Advent: Day 22 – Quote: "We click. There aren't that many people that you just 'click' with; and when you find those people, you don't just let them go."

“Anything else, sweetie,” the elderly waitress at your favorite café asks. Her name is Dolores, and she’s always kind. She knows it’s your birthday and brought you a cupcake with a burning candle for free. “Happy birthday.”

She watches you glance at the cupcake. You sniffle and try not to cry. This stranger showed more interest in you and your birthday than anyone else in your life.

“Thank you,” is all you get out. You blow the candle out, wishing for nothing but to not feel the aching in your chest any longer. “That’s so kind of you.”

“Don’t sweat it, sweetie. You’re my best and favorite customer,” she smiles and refills your cup. “Chamomile, your favorite.”

“Again, thank you,” you fake a smile. She’s so kind, and you don’t want to be ungrateful. “This made my day.”

“I’ll bring you your order later. Eat the cupcake and remember, not all days are bad. One day the sun will shine for all of us again.”

Damn her, she read you like a book. “I guess,” you drop your eyes and look at the cupcake again. “It just doesn’t feel like it right now.”

“It will,” she insists and walks off, whistling a tune.

“Maybe—” you swallow thickly when the man you had hoped to never see again waltzes into the café, smirking like nothing has changed. He holds the door open for two girls, and two of his buddies. “Why?”

This can’t be. Today out of all days he had to come here. Your favorite café. Ransom always hated it and now he’s here, on your birthday after he broke your heart.

He straightens his hair and puffs his chest. Showing off his expensive coat and the scarf you bought him for his birthday. He looks like a peacock wanting to impress the ladies. You giggle as he looks stupidly handsome and like an idiot at the same time.

His eyes dart from the table the waitress orders toward your table. For a moment, it looks like he stiffens when his eyes meet yours. He clears his throat, and turns away, acting like he didn’t see you sitting alone at the table.

“Hey, Ransom,” one of his buddies punches his upper arm, “isn’t that the mouse you dated some months ago?” The guy points at your table. You try to ignore him, and the girls looking in your direction.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Ransom snaps at his friend, adding another crack to your fragile heart. He can’t even admit that he used to date you. “I don’t date girls like her.”

“Dude, it’s her,” the other man insists. “I remember the pout and her mousish behavior. I bet she must be a bomb in the bedroom, if not you wouldn’t keep a girl like her around.”

“Listen, I don’t know that woman. Can we eat now, or do you want to ask me if I dated half of the people at the café,” Ransom gets louder, making you flinch.

He seems to be embarrassed by his friend’s question. Of course, he’s ashamed of dating you. You’re not one of his wealthy buddies or the spoiled girls hanging on his every word.

You exhale sharply as he continues to explain that he would never date someone like you. He even makes fun of the sweater you’re wearing. Even though he told you he found it cute not so long ago.

Self-cautiously you look down on your body, regretting that you decided to wear your favorite blue sweater with snowflakes today. You try to look away, or not listen to their words, but it’s impossible to not see Ransom staring your way.

“Sweetie, I got you birthday cake,” right when you want to flee out of the café, the waitress returns with three of her colleagues. They start singing Happy Birthday, and the lump in your throat grows.

The guests at the café get up to join the waitresses. They sing Happy Birthday and clap their hands, making things worse for you.

Ransom and his friends get up too, laughing and joking as they pretend to sing with the other people. You’re close to running out of the café and leaving town to forget about this awful birthday.

A few weeks ago, you were in love and believed you’d spend your birthday with Ransom.

Now you are in the same room, but miles apart.

You’re living in different worlds, and this will never change. He’s got a huge trust fund, and you struggle to make ends meet sometimes. When you met Ransom he knew that you still got to pay back your study loan.

“That’s,” your voice cracks when they place a birthday cake in front of you. “Very nice. I-I’m overwhelmed.”

“I hope you enjoy your cake,” one of the waitresses sing-songs. She smiles, and hands you a fork. “It’s a red velvet cake. Your favorite.”

People sit back down and finally turn their attention toward their lives. You release a shuddery breath as the waitresses and some guests expectantly look at you. “That’s a beautiful cake,” you sniff. “But I already got the cupcake.”

“It’s a gift from one of the customers,” Dolores whispers. “We got instructions to serve you the cake when you come here today.”

“What? I don’t understand. Why would anyone buy a cake for me? I don’t know many people in town.”

“Well sweetie, he must be wealthy,” the waitress from earlier giggles. “This is the most expensive cake and he wanted extras. Just enjoy.”

“I rather not,” you doubt whoever bought the cake wanted to be nice. Gifts always come at a price. And you are not willing to be in anyone’s debt. “Can you take it back? Maybe tell the person who ordered the cake for me they can eat it.”

“Sorry, no returns,” she coos and points at the cake. “Dig in, miss. It’s free and very delicious. Look, the cook used leaf gold for the decoration. You don’t want us to throw it away, right?”

“No.” You hate this. All of it. Someone bought you a cake and expects you to eat it, just like the waitresses. “I’ll try it later.”

“She still got the cupcake. Maybe she can take the cake home,” Dolores jumps in. She offers to put the cake in a box for you to take the cake home. “Right, sweetie. You will take it home.”

Dolores tells the others to go back to work. She gives you a sympathetic look and walks away to get the box.

You shift in your seat and try to focus on the cupcake and your now cold tea. It’s not how you imagined spending your birthday but it’s better than to hide at your apartment and think about Ransom, and your breakup.

Ransom watches you eat the cupcake. He frowns as Dolores puts the cake in a box. You don’t look his way any longer. You finish your cupcake and drink your tea. When you get up to leave, you thank Dolores and reluctantly take the box with the cake.

It takes all of your strength, but you manage to pass Ransom’s table by and not look at him. You exhale sharply as one of his friends calls you mouse and cups his crotch.

“Y/N, open the door!” Ransom is fuming outside of your apartment. “Why did you refuse to eat the cake I ordered for you? I wanted to do something nice for you.”

“Like bringing these people to our place? How could you, Ran? How?” You sniffle. “You walked around the café I showed to you like a peacock to impress these women. Why did you come to the café? And why did you buy the cake?”

“Babycakes,” he sighs deeply. “I’m…we…I let their words get to me. I was a fool to believe I could spend a day without you.”

“You laughed about me at the café!”

“Please let me in,” he pleads. “I came to the café to talk to you, knowing you’ll be there. Frankie and the others waited outside. I must’ve talked about this place, and they wanted to try it out. I’m sorry for their behavior.”

“Just go away, and take that cake with you,” you open the door to push the box with cake into his hands. “We are done, just like you said.”

“I said we should take a break to think about our relationship,” he looks at the box in his hands. “I got scared, Y/N. You know that I have commitment issues and trust issues. But…I wanna get better.”

“You want to hurt me even more to make fun of me with your friends,” you sniff. “I’m done with people walking all over me. I won’t have it.”

“Please don’t give up on me, Y/N. I’m not the best boyfriend and I got flaws but…” He shrugs. “We click. There aren't that many people that you just 'click' with; and when you find those people, you don't just let them go.”

“You let me go,” you tap your heart. “You broke my heart and now you stand on my doorstep asking me to take you back?”

“If you can forgive me, I promise to heal your heart…”

You take the cake out of his hands and jerk your head toward the door. “I’ll eat the cake, and maybe, I’ll call you. For now, I want you to leave me alone.”

Tags in reblog.

#ransom drysdale #winterbreakadvent2324 #winter break advent 2023 2024 #ransom drydale x you #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale x female reader #angst

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tgmsunmontue · 1 month ago

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Saga of Solitude 14/21

Nepo!Baby Bradley and his life at USNA and afterwards. DADT fully in force. IceMav AU. (Begun prior to 'It's not who you know' - the non-angsty version). (Side Hangster, which is ALSO angsty).

PROLOGUE (He remembers)

HANGSTER FIRST MEETING (Lonely Nights - set 2009)

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS

ONE (2000) TWO (2001) THREE (2002) FOUR (2003) FIVE (2004) SIX (2005) SEVEN (2006) EIGHT (2007) NINE (2008) TEN (2009) ELEVEN (2010) TWELVE (2011) THIRTEEN (2012)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN – 2013

The Bronco still isn’t up and running, he doesn’t have enough time to dedicate to it unless he’s got weeks of leave. Fortunately Ice lets him bring it home to the house when he’s back so he can work on it without trekking back and forth to the hangar. Then Ice goes one step better and makes Mav finally clear out the garage at Bradley’s house, and he can suddenly store and work on it even in shorter bursts of time. Natasha is still working on getting the engine restored, but she thinks another week of solid work should have it turning over. Of course, it’s getting the time together to work on it which proves elusive. Mav offers to help and Bradley gladly accepts, he doesn’t want to ignore it or have it languishing for years and end up a retirement project. He can see what it’ll look like in his mind and it’s beautiful.

… … …

Pete didn’t think he’d have to knock and wait. Petra just has a friend over, they were meant to be studying. He’s not sure what they were studying exactly, but it wasn’t in any book. Each other’s anatomy maybe. He picks up his phone and paces back and forth in the garage, not ashamed by the fact that he is in fact hiding from his own daughter.

God fucking damnit, why won’t Ice answer the damn phone already?

“Pete? Is everything okay?”

“I, yes, everyone is fine. Physically. Mentally however, I might be scarred for life. I might have scarred Petra for life!”

There’s a longer than usual pause on the other end.

“Pete, it’s late afternoon and I will be home in just over an hour, can it wait?”

“Did you know Petra has a girlfriend?”

“Oh. Huh. Guess you got your wish about her never being interested in boys…”

“Ice!” Pete exclaims, because this isn’t funny, although he can hear someone laughing in the background. “Am I on speaker?” he asks suspiciously.

“No. But funnily enough noise carries through my phone quite well when you raise your voice. I have Slider and Aubrey in the room. I’m actually doing work, because you know, I’m at work?”

“No no, this is far more amusing than the latest budgetary constraints. What did you see Mav?” Slider asks, and Pete rolls his eyes, remembers now that he’s meant to be coming to stay.

“Too much. I saw too much.”

“Maverick. I’ll be home soon. Just take a deep breath. Take something apart and put it back together again… but not the coffee maker.”

“That was one time!”

“The first, only and last time. Just… see if you can fix the toaster.”

“You don’t think I need to talk to her?”

“And tell her what? The last time you slept with a woman was… what, at least twenty years ago?”

“I don’t need to give her tips! I was talking more about, consent, and taking things at her own pace… Not rushing into things!”

“She’s your daughter Mav, she only has one pace and that’s full-speed ahead.”

“Oh god…” Pete groans, because Ice is so right.

There’s more muffled laughing and Pete wonders if this is karma.

“Fortunately Pete, her mother is a lesbian and likely far more equipped to handle the appropriate birds and bees talk,” Tom pauses. “Birds and birds?”

“Wait. Who gave Bradley that talk?”

“I did.”

“When?”

“About fifteen years ago. Mav! He’s coming up thirty. I hope you don’t think he’s still…”

“I try not to think about it to be honest!”

“Yeah well, lucky you. I had to take him through the safe sex talk. Twice.”

“Huh. I mean, at least we don’t have to worry about her getting pregnant? I’m too young to be a grandfather.”

There’s more laughter and he wonders if he can put something nasty in Slider’s drink.

“Mav. Pete. I’ll be home soon. Just go and find the toaster and take it apart okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah okay.”

… … …

Tom hangs up and looks at Slider and Aubrey, both who are silently laughing. He might as well have had Mav on speaker for how loud his voice had been. He should have probably turned the volume down, but he has no secrets from either of them.

“Sorry about that.”

“Oh, don’t be. Seriously, that was the best laugh I’ve had in a long time. Definitely beats talking shop.”

“I thought it might be something serious.”

“It is serious,” Aubrey interjects. “To him. And no doubt to Petra as well. Go home sir. I think your family need you there more than we need you here. I have all the material we need.”

“Okay. Well, if you’re sure?”

“Of course. Have a good weekend.”

“You too.”

She leaves and he stands, starts packing away his things, taking nothing work related home for once given that Slider is staying, which means no time to do work.

“I’m going to take the rental car and I’ll be around later. After you give me the all clear that it’s safe to turn up. I do not need to be entangled in your family drama.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Oh, I’m doing it for my sake. Plus I need to go shopping.”

“Why, what do you need?”

“Oh, I don’t need anything. You, however, are going to need a new toaster.”

Tom sighs, because he’s probably right. He needs to talk to Melissa and Sarah.

… … …

“Okay. So family conference time.”

“This is stupid,” Petra mutters and Ice looks at him, like it’s his fault that she’s this way. Huh. Maybe it is, he has no idea how genetics work.

“We just think we need to have an open and honest conversation…”

“Learn how to knock and wait.”

“Yes, that too, but also, it would have been polite if you had introduced us to your…”

“Friend. Cassie is my friend. You’ve met her before! I shouldn’t need to introduce my friends every time they come over.”

“Do you kiss all your friends like that?” Pete asks, and he realizes he maybe doesn’t want to know the answer to that question.

“Is it any of your business if I do?”

He frowns, because no, he guesses it isn’t. He looks at Ice, who is rubbing his temples.

“It was just a shock…” Pete starts again, feeling completely out of depth. Maybe he should have prepared for this better.

“That’s not my problem! That’s a you problem! And I don’t need to come out. If anything, Tamsin should come out.”

Pete’s eyebrows go up, looks to Tamsin who is already rolling her eyes and he cannot wait to tell Bradley all about this conversation when they have their weekly talk tomorrow.

“Do you have something you want to share with us sweetheart?”

“That I’m straight? Is that what I need to say?” Tamsin asks, looking at Petra with an incredibly unimpressed look and Pete has no idea how to get the conversation back on track, if it was ever on a track to start with. Tom is standing there silently, which is absolutely fucking useless.

“If the shoe fits.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being straight!”

“In this family?” Petra snaps back, sneering at her and Pete blinks. He’d thought they got on well. What the hell is happening?

“Of course there’s nothing wrong… there’s nothing wrong with any orientation or how you might identify. I would hope you both know that,” he starts, looking frantically to Ice for backup who continues to just stand there quietly.

“Yeah, so shoot me, I’m the token straight family member.”

“Okay… what did we just walk in on?” Sarah asks, standing in the doorway and Pete feels so relieved

“Tamsin just came out as straight,” Petra snaps.

Sarah and Melissa exchange a look, holding a conversation the same way he and Ice do, years of practice communicating silently. Although he admits he sometimes pretends to misinterpret what Ice wants on purpose just to rile him up a bit.

“Okay… we’ve already had this conversation. Labels aren’t always helpful.”

Pete winces inwardly, because of course Sarah and Melissa are all over this, they’re the stable present parents and they know their daughters much better than he does.

“I know! I’m figuring shit out. Just… can we not talk about it? Please?”

Then she’s pushing her chair back and running toward her room and fuck, he thinks he’s maybe fucked up.

“Shit. Sorry. I kind of went about this the wrong way huh?”

“You think?” Tamsin asks, looking between all the adults like she can’t believe how idiotic they all are. It’s a look so reminiscent of Ice that Pete can’t help but be amused, but he’s got years of practice ensuring it doesn’t show on his face.

“Just… we love you okay? Know that.”

“I know. We both know. We love you too.”

… … …

There has been a shift, a subtle one, but still a shift. There aren’t blatant come-ons, but there is definitely less fear, especially among the younger and newer servicemen, ones who have maybe served equal times under DADT and then not, the habits of years not so ingrained and as he watches some of the others hook up and start likely ill-advised affairs he wonders what it must be like to not have over a decade of hiding such a large part of who you are. It makes him a little uncomfortable when he thinks about it too much, so he shoves it down and away, doesn’t let him think about it too much other than in passing.

Plus he’s not sure whether he’s cut out to be a boyfriend, his relationship with Callum often feeling awkward, like they’re constantly on their best behavior and apart from the sex being really good, he’s not quite sure if it’s the fact that every moment not in bed feels like it’s a first date every time, or whether between him being deployed and Callum’s work they just don’t have the time to make it work. Or, more to the point, the desire to make it work.

… … …

“What are you singing?” Tom asks, because watching his two teenage daughters having fun and laughing will always bring him joy, but the fact that Maverick is standing in the corner filming and grinning like he’s up to something has him suspicious.

“Hey, all right now, all right now, fellas!”

“Yeah?” Petra scream-yells and Maverick is grinning widely.

“Now, what's cooler than being cool?”

“Ice Cold!”

“I can't hear ya! I say what's, what's cooler than being cool?”

“Ice Cold!”

He meets Pete’s shit eating grin with dead eyes, expression grim. Inwardly he’s amused, but he never passes up an opportunity to screw with Pete if he can, and this is harmless. Petra and Tamsin continue singing and dancing, but Pete’s straightening up from his slouch, looking contrite. He’s glad there isn’t a camera pointed toward him, capturing the expression on his face because he doesn’t think he could keep a straight face if he was being filmed.

“Ice, Tom… it isn’t…”

It definitely is something, because there’s no reason for Mav to be acting so guilty and apologetic otherwise. But he can’t keep the grin from his face, loops his arms around Pete and pulls him into his arms and kisses him, still feeling the little swoop of unease about doing this in front of other people, even if they’re his own kids. It’s a slow process to suddenly be okay with being affectionate with Maverick when other people can see.

“Ew. Gross. Parents kissing.”

… … …

Bradley doesn’t know where he thought he’d be at thirty, and where he is isn’t bad, but he just thought he’d have maybe more of his shit together. Hell, Tamsin seems to not only have a five year plan, but a ten and twenty year plan and if he didn’t know she was Ice’s daughter that would be all the evidence he needed right there. He has another ten to fifteen years of flying if he wants it, he could go commercial and make it last longer, but he doesn’t really know what he wants, so will remain in the holding pattern he’s in. Unfortunately the holding pattern involves having a 30th birthday party he’d rather ignore.

“You don’t want to invite Callum to your birthday party?”

“No! Look, Callum and I aren’t serious.”

“Oh. I thought…

“Well, you thought wrong.”

A few weeks later he’s not surprised when Callum breaks it off before his next deployment, telling him that while they might connect physically, it’s not something that can make the foundation of a relationship, not for him. He does think Bradley will one day make some guy really happy, but that maybe he thinks about how much effort he needs to put into his next relationship. He stews over that a bit, because it’s not like Callum was the most available or present, even when they’d spent time together Bradley had felt he’d always come in second place to Callum’s job. Then again, he’s pretty sure Callum feels the same about his job.

It shouldn’t require effort, it shouldn’t be work. Or rather, he’ll want to do it, so it won’t feel like it’s a chore. His breakup with Callum doesn’t leave him heartbroken, but it does make him reflect on what he does and doesn’t want, and he guesses that’s the whole point of relationships, to find what works and what doesn’t. There were far too many non-negotiables that they couldn’t work through to make anything long-term work out and they already knew that going in, so he guesses Patrick and Christopher were pretty good judges at least.

He’s deployed with Javy, and he worries briefly that he will know all about him and Jake. He either doesn’t know, or he’s damned good at pretending that Bradley hasn’t treated his best friend like shit. Not that it probably looks that way from a casual observer, but the guilt he feels tells him he hasn’t exactly been the nicest of people. He’s not quite sure how to make it better or right, but at the bare minimum he should probably apologize the next time he sees him. If Jake lets him.

… … …

They find more cancer, but his annual checkups that Melissa bullies him into mean that it’s small. Because Melissa is his doctor he knows he cannot keep it a secret from Sarah. He wonders if he should admit to anyone that there are two women in his life that he cowers under the gaze of. And one isn’t his ex-wife. Sarah might have a special place in his heart, but she isn’t someone that Tom hasn’t ever just acquiesced to. Melissa and now Aubrey, they’re both women that Tom knows, respects and trusts implicitly. And is also a little afraid of if he’s honest with himself, their competency at things he’s not knowledgeable enough about to have as strong an opinion as them. So he trusts them.

He just doesn’t like it when they join forces.

… … …

He rolls up his sleeves and starts working on the rust spots on the Bronco. He’s only got two weeks, and Maverick is off somewhere he can’t share, but isn’t active duty at least so he won’t worry about him. Although he is still Mav. Tamsin and Petra help him, chattering away about their classes and Tamsin about her plans for study and starting college. It makes him feel old. When Petra complains about not knowing what she wants to do when she’s older he just laughs and shakes his head.

“You’ve still got a few years yet. Don’t worry about it.”

“But you knew. Tamsin knows. Dad and Papa both knew. Mom and Mama knew. Surely you figure things out.”

“Well, I’ll tell you a secret. Sometimes you don’t know and you just go along with whatever feels right at the time…”

“Is that what you did?”

“Well… sort of. I didn’t back then but I’m sort of doing it now.”

“Wait. Do you not know what you want to be when you’re grown up either?”

He snorts in amusement at her phrasing.

“No. I guess not.”

“But you’re ancient! You’re twice as old as me.”

“Yeah, thanks for pointing that out Pet. I never figured out how to do maths.”

“Haha. I just thought you might had forgotten at your advanced age.”

“Wow. Just… wow. The cheek of youth these days. You want me to drive you around while I’m on leave, or do you want to be asking your parents?”

“Ugh. Fine.”

“Yeah well, the rust isn’t removing itself. Come on.”

“Fine. Is Natasha coming to visit? Does she know you don’t want to keep flying?”

“Uh. No. She’s currently deployed in the Atlantic. Why? Plus I love flying, I want to keep flying.”

“Oh. No reason. And that’s cool. I just thought you might do what Dad did and become an admiral or something.”

“I can give you her number if you like. I’m sure she’d love to hear from you. And becoming an admiral is… well, it sure is something I guess.”

He’s not even making it up, because Natasha asks about them every time they talk, Petra especially, and he knows it might be because Petra is only a couple years older than whatever kid Natasha might have had, had she decided on a different path. It’s his own path he can’t see very clearly at the moment.

… … …

He looks at the movie title, casts his mind back to the scene in the kitchen of his husband and daughters dancing and singing. This will likely give them ammunition for years but the warmth he feels when he thinks about them being silly and loving makes him smile so he goes in and buys four tickets for Frozen.

FIFTEEN

#Saga of Solitude #IceMav #Top Gun Maverick fanfiction #Hangster

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cupcakeslushie · 9 months ago

Note

sorry for nagging you but i wanted to ask if you have some tips on making comics. I’ve trying making many comics but i always lose motivation and can’t seem to get past even the first panel sometimes.

I did make a pretty long post here, with some advice for starting out! But that’s more technical I guess, and it sounds like maybe you’re looking for some motivational advice? So in addition to that post, I’d say…

Don’t look at these panels where you’re stuck as failures. Look at them, instead, as first drafts!! Keep the early planning stages loose, so it doesn’t feel like an arrow to the heart if you have to make changes. Many artists need to see their thoughts collected somewhere before they can refine things and move on to the next stage. Another big thing is learning to be okay with throwing those drafts away when they become more of a roadblock than a step towards that awesome, final version you’ve got knocking around in your head.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spent an hour plotting the composition of a panel…or maybe I’ve gotten too focused on the little details of a character’s expression, but the rest of the shot has just….idk died. I’ll copy and paste what I did like, and delete what’s not working or I’ll completely start over, no fuss. Wipe my hands of it and refuse to look at it as a failure. If I drew it once, I can draw it again! Practice isn’t time wasted, it’s time invested into growing! Drawing is drawing!

It’s always good to look back at your work, so you can see your improvement, but only focusing on your unfinished pieces might be doing more harm than good.

And maybe, you don’t have to draw a full 10 page comic from the get go! Try experimenting with shorter form comics! You can tell quite a number of stories in just a few panels! Learning the ins and outs of something new is a lot easier to accomplish when it’s done in smaller increments. That way you can have that feeling of success more often and it’ll motivate you into not giving up!

When I started EW, I was doing parts in like, one or two pages! Because I was still nailing down the comic techniques I wanted to employ. I was gathering brushes and learning how and when to use them! Learning how to create compositions that worked around dialogue bubbles! All the boring parts of comic creating lol. But then, the more comfortable I became with those techniques, the less time they took, and I could really go wild with the creative aspect! Now my updates are much longer!

It’s just a process. But at some point, all the advice and resources in the world can only help so much. You have to be willing to put in the time!

I’d say it’s kinda similar advice they give when you start working out. When you’re first starting, and you try to do more than your body is comfortable with, you’ll be in a lot of pain and won’t want to continue. It’s easy to give up if you’re not seeing results and you feel like you’re wasting your time. But if you start in a reasonable place, and let yourself learn as you go, then you can gain good habits and it’ll get easier!

And only then, when it’s easy, that’s when you challenge yourself! Not when you’re already struggling with just starting! Or it won’t be fun and all of your drive will disappear!

And that’s really what you’re doing this all for, right? For fun!

#ask slushie #rottmnt #slushie rambles #art reference

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merakiui · 11 months ago

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I made breakfast + Jade bc he'd be a teasing lil shit and I love him 👉👈

-🦈

Omg this prompt with Jade… 🦈 anon, you’re a genius!!!

(fwb dialogues)

Half-dead and horribly hungover, you wake to the smell of breakfast. It’s a delicious beacon amidst the crushing burden of morning exhaustion. Groaning lowly, you bury deeper beneath the duvet, your face pressed into the pillows.

Clad in sweatpants and a mushroom-print T-shirt, his hair a rightful mess, Jade pokes his head into the room minutes later. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.”

Your response is a not-so-beautiful moan. “I look and feel like shit.”

“Then shall I amend my wording? Ah, but Sleeping Monstrosity doesn’t sound very pleasant now, does it?”

You turn over to greet him with a scowl. “I’m not in the mood.”

But it was my fault for calling him. I always do that. Why did I even decide to drink in the first place? I never make good decisions when I’m inebriated.

He beams, unbothered by the ice in your eyes. He presents the tray with minimal flourish, held at arm’s length. You stare at the contents—plates piled high with pancakes, accompanied with dozens of sides and toppings. It feels like a buffet despite the portion being meant for one person.

“I made breakfast.”

“No shit. Why?”

“Is it not common courtesy to feed your guests?”

“I wouldn’t know. I like to leave before breakfast.”

“So I’ve learned.” He moves in closer, lowering to sit on the edge of the bed, testing just how far he can go before you push him away. “Aren’t I fortunate to have you to myself just a little longer?”

You scoff when he gathers a bite of pancake on the fork and offers it to you. “Don’t get used to it.” Throwing your dignity aside, you close your mouth around the utensil. “Not bad.”

“Consider it a token of my gratitude.”

“For what?”

“For calling me. I do so enjoy our midnight mischief.”

Your brow furrows. “I didn’t mean to. It was an accident.”

“Are you sure you’re not mistaking accidental for intentional?”

You snatch the fork out of his hands. “I’ll block your number and never call again.”

A smirk curls on his lips. You think he almost wants you to go through with it, if only so he can laugh when you inevitably come crawling back.

“We’ll see.”

“Just you wait,” you threaten around another morsel of pancake.

Jade chuckles. “It’s difficult to take you seriously when you’re stuffing your face like a hamster.”

“Can’t help it. Food’s good.”

“I’m pleased it’s to your liking.” Jade’s gaze flickers from your face to your hand. “If I may ask, why were you drinking alone?”

“No reason.”

“That’s not what you said last night.”

You struggle to recall that, but from the way his eyes twinkle you suspect he remembers it well enough to recite it verbatim.

Intending to spare yourself the embarrassment, you heave a great sigh and force the words out. “My friend announced they’re getting married, and that makes me the last one.”

Jade blinks, stunned. You’re beginning to wonder what version you told him in the midst of your intoxication.

“The last one?”

“The last one left. I’m not married. Yet. Obviously. Otherwise I wouldn’t be…here.”

“Obviously not,” he echoes. “Well, if you’re so devastated, why not find someone to marry?”

“You say it like it’s easy. Where am I gonna find someone who wants that?”

Jade opens his mouth and immediately shuts it.

Neither of you says anything else regarding that matter. Maybe it’s for the best. The future is scary, but a future with Jade is even scarier. Because that would mean opening your heart to him. Because that would mean recognizing what he is to you.

Because you’re not here for the breakfast, and it’s not just drunken desire that leads you to his doorstep. It’s muscle memory, but you won’t acknowledge that. Neither will Jade. Not yet.

#twisted chit chat #🦈 anon #meraki dialogues

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honeypiehotchner · 1 year ago

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Devil's Backbone (Unsub!Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- part ten

I listened to the stripped version of "Good Looking" a lotttt starting around now as I wrote this fic. It's perfect for how the reader is beginning to feel, the sadness and confusion, remembering how Hotch was and realizing how she no longer knows him 😭😭

Warnings: things are beginning to unravel

Follow @honeypiehotchnerlibrary and turn on post notifications to be "tagged" when a new chapter goes up!

Ten: The skyline falls as I try to make sense of it all -- "Good Looking" by Suki Waterhouse

“Hotch said he didn’t have any of the files, JJ,” Dave said, stepping into her office. The two of them spoke on the phone last night, as promised, and Dave wanted to give JJ the update first thing in the morning, as promised. “He said he had older ones.” He listed the names off and JJ nodded along.

“I have those accounted for,” she said, looking at her computer, shaking her head. “I know he had those. The others are probably in here somewhere. It’s just weird.”

“I agree,” Rossi said. Files didn’t disappear randomly. If some were taken or even copied, JJ was notified, and she logged it. “But we’ll figure it out.”

“Did you look through Hotch’s office?” JJ suggested. She seemed hesitant to even ask, chewing on her nails after proposing the question.

“No,” Rossi said. “Should we?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, should we?”

Rossi thought it over. Strauss’s concern. Your odd reaction to his questions. Hotch’s strange character every time Rossi called. None of it made any sense. Rossi assumed it was grief, just like you told him, just like he told himself, that maybe it was Hotch even trying to convince himself that he was feeling better than he was. But there was a nagging feeling deep in his chest that he couldn’t get rid of.

“Yeah,” Rossi finally said. “I’ll go look.” He knew how it looked and felt: like an invasion of Aaron’s privacy. But this was becoming too convoluted to worry about privacy.

Rossi went back into the bullpen, glad to see you sitting at your desk already. He tapped your shoulder as he went by, nodding his head up to the second level.

You got up and followed, assuming he was going to his office. Your heart began hammering in your chest when Rossi stopped outside Hotch’s office. No one had been in there since Hotch left. It was locked.

You watched in terror as Rossi took out his keys and let himself into Hotch’s office, flicking the light switch.

You walked inside slowly, your voice low as you asked, “What are you doing?”

“What I don’t want to be doing,” Rossi replied in a hiss, pinching the bridge of his nose. He gestured toward you. “Shut the door.”

You closed the door and pulled the blinds for good measure. Or to help your paranoia. You had a bad feeling in your stomach and a bad taste in your mouth. “Rossi, what the hell is going on?”

“JJ can’t find a few files,” he replied, stopping in front of Aaron’s desk facing you, placing his hands on his hips.

“I know, she told me--”

“One of them she can’t find is Issac Holman.”

“What?” That was not right. That had to be a bad coincidence. The file showed up missing and Holman was dead? Impossible. Too eerie to be a coincidence.

“Another one missing is Nicholas Edwards,” Rossi continued. “He died two days ago. Shot in the back of the head, executioner style.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell us?” That was a brutal method; it was necessary to alert the team.

“Because I didn’t want to say anything just yet,” Rossi replied. His fuming eyes landed on you next. “I need you to come clean with me.”

Fear shot through you so hard that you took a step back from him. “What?”

“When I called you into my office a couple of days ago, you acted like I was interrogating you when I asked simple questions,” Rossi recalled, stepping closer to you. “What did you and Aaron talk about? Tell me the truth. Right now.”

You shook your head. This was a nightmare. This was not happening to you. “Rossi--”

“Agent L/N, I am ordering you,” he pressed, raising his voice. He stepped closer, pointing an accusatory finger at you. “Tell me. This is bigger than whatever secrets you might have, so I need you to get over it and--”

“We had sex!” you blurted, shame rising in your chest like flames, burning their way to your neck. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Stunned, Rossi struggled to find words, eyes blinking and jaw opening and closing. “You-- Are-- Are you two seeing each other?”

“No,” you replied, your face burning with embarrassment. You wished that was the reason behind the sex, that it was a sweet, romantic, domestic relationship you were hiding. “He kicked me out. He wanted nothing to do with me. Can we move on now?”

“Yeah,” Rossi said, turning around slowly. “Help me look for any files he kept in here. Holman and Edwards might be in them.”

You nodded, glad your failed fling with your boss was forgotten for the moment. “Why would they be in here?”

“He liked to go over them afterwards,” Rossi explained.

“Yeah, I know.” You turned to look on the side tables by the couch, but there were only random magazines, no doubt put there by someone else. Strauss probably put them there one day to liven the place up a bit.

Rossi studied one section of Aaron’s desk against the back wall. “This is empty.”

You leaned over. “Yeah.” You stared at it, eyebrows furrowing. “He used to have a lot of books and…” Files. You remember. You watched him close his briefcase as he said he was sorry but you knew he didn’t mean it.

Rossi turned and looked at you, the same haunted expression on his face. “He took them with him.”

You nodded slowly, your hand covering your mouth. “I watched him take them.” You paused, a sick feeling settling into your bones. “Rossi…what is going on?”

“I don’t know,” Rossi said slowly, shaking his head. “I don’t know.”

But he knew. You both knew. Neither of you wanted to admit it.

+++

Aaron was washing the blood off his hands in the unsub’s bathroom sink.

He didn’t mean for that much blood to be shed, but he got carried away. The unsub fought back harder than Aaron expected him to. One punch led to another and then Aaron had flashbacks to George Foyet. The unsub’s face no longer existed. It was only Foyet, and Aaron got revenge. Again. And again.

Unfortunately, it made a mess of the fucking bedroom. Thankfully, none of Aaron’s blood was shed. He caught a few blows to his chest and abdomen, but none to the face, none that bled, not like the unsub bled all over the goddamn place. Aaron knew the human body carried 5 liters of blood -- thanks to Reid -- but it looked like much more.

He needed to leave as soon as possible, so he settled for cleaning his hands thoroughly and forgetting the rest.

He rode back to his home in Quantico in silence. No music, no news. He needed to think.

But thinking only landed him in places he didn’t want to be, so he stopped. He stopped for food and carried on back to Quantico to get his things together.

He had one more unsub to hunt, and it wouldn’t be easy. The fucker ran from him once, he assumed he would do it again. So, Aaron needed to be careful and meticulous about this one. It would take longer than a weekend getaway.

+++

You were called into Strauss’s office the following day. You knew it wasn’t good, but you knew that even before you saw Rossi sitting in one of her chairs, fingers pressed to his temple.

“You called for me, ma’am?” you asked, shutting her office door behind you.

“Yes,” Strauss rounded her desk, gesturing to one of the empty seats on her couch. “Sit.”

This is not good. You did as you were told, sitting on the very edge of the cushion. Rossi refused to look at you, and it made your stomach turn. You took a deep breath.

“What do you know of Hotch’s whereabouts?” Strauss asked conversationally. She went over to her minifridge and grabbed a bottle of water.

“Uh, he’s at his apartment, I guess?” you replied, taking the water from her.

“You guess?” Strauss pressed.

You chuckled awkwardly. “Ma’am, with all due respect, I don’t know where Agent Hotchner is. We haven’t spoken since he left.”

Strauss laughed as she sat down across from you. “Well, Dave told me you did speak to Aaron.”

You looked at Rossi with wide eyes, sensing betrayal, but he shook his head only slightly. So he told her the truth, but not the full truth.

“I went to his apartment to offer condolences,” you said. “And to check on how he was doing.”

“And how was he doing?”

“He seemed fine,” you shrugged, putting the water down on her coffee table. “What is this about?”

Strauss sighed. “Agent Hotchner’s behavior has been worrying me since the day I sent him home,” she said. “Now, supposedly, he needs to get away, with no phone, no devices. And frankly, I cannot let him do that.”

You looked at Rossi, your eyebrows furrowed. “Where is he going? What is he thinking?”

“I don’t know,” Rossi replied. “He wouldn’t tell me. Just that he is heading out tomorrow morning.”

You turned back to Strauss. “Ma’am, I had no idea--”

“I know,” she stopped you with her hand in the air. “I don’t care to know the details of your relationship with Agent Hotchner. I hope there aren’t any details. But seeing as you are someone he trusts, I need you to follow him.”

“Follow him?”

“Yes. See where he goes. If it’s nothing troubling, you will return to the BAU. This is a private assignment and you are not to discuss this with anyone outside of this room, do you understand?”

You nodded. “I do.”

You felt like you were signing your life away.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #unsub!hotch x fem!reader #unsub!hotch x reader #unsub!hotch x you #unsub!hotch #unsub!hotch fanfiction #unsub!hotch fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic

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jpitha · 1 year ago

Text

Same as it ever was

"Ugh, this coffee is awful!" Daniel makes a face after he takes a sip. "What is this, hazelnut? Did the person who signed off on this flavor ever try a hazelnut in their life?"

"Come on Dan, it can't be that bad." M'erian rolled her eyes and flicked her ears.

Dan sipped it again and winced. "No, seriously Mer, if you could drink coffee I'd have you try this. It's impressively bad."

"Is that why you keep drinking it? Out of some sense of admiration for someone who could make coffee that bad?"

Dan shrugged. "It's still caffeine. There isn't anything else onboard until we reach a Starbase and resupply. Maybe some creamer will help." Dan gets up and bustles in the kitchenette. A moment later, his coffee noticeably more buff colored, Dan returns to the seat. He sips again and frowns, but is no longer wincing. "That will have to do."

M'erian sipped her tea and enjoyed her time listening to Dan complain. He did it often enough that she was thankful she found it charming instead of annoying.

While they were chatting, Uumer walked in. They were a Sefigan, from this universe, and Daniel was still surprised when he saw them. He could only describe them as looking kind of like teddy bears.

Teddy bears with retractable ten centimeter claws. They were lacquered a deep blue and highly polished.

“You are making a gesture Daniel, I recognize it from the humans in our world. What is wrong?”

“It’s his coffee” M’erian gestures “It tastes terrible.”

Uumer’s ears twitched. “Oh? You can consume caffeine? It is highly toxic for us.”

M’erian shakes her head, a human gesture. “No, but Daniel was telling me about it. It’s ‘hazelnut’ and he doesn’t like it.”

“No, it’s called hazelnut. It tastes nothing like actual hazelnuts. I think you can consume them M’erian, I’ll see if I can get some next time we’re at a station.”

"Daniel, I apologize for the quality of the coffee, it was ordered by Captain Reynolds." Universal Solvent sounded apologetic. Captain Reynolds was the previous captain on Solvent. For this trip, it was just Daniel ,M’erian, Uumer, a few more Coalition races and Solvent themselves.

Daniel made another face. “Did he like this? Or was he just trying to punish his crew?”

“I seem to recall him saying it was his favorite. I also seem to recall that most of the other human crew members brought their own coffee with them.” A tone sounded throughout the ship. “Daniel, M’erian, Uumer. I must ask you to retire to your acceleration couches on the Command Deck. I am alerting the rest of the crew as well. Maneuvers will being in one hour.”

Sighing, Daniel finished his terrible coffee, and takes the time to rinse out the cup and secure it in the cabinet. They make their way through the empty ship.

Universal Solvent is a Starjumper, one of the largest human built ships in space. Only the dozen or so colony ships built for humanity to spread out in space were larger. One of the reasons it’s so large is that their design predates the development of wormhole generators. They were originally designed to ‘jump’ between the stars at half the speed of light with passengers in hibernation and enough cargo to make the trip worthwhile. These days they all have wormhole generators installed and can link from location to location like any other craft, but they’re still seen as high status spacecraft.

And sometimes they’re the only ones that can do the job.

Like, for example, if one wanted to demonstrate a relativistic impactor to the Gren. Daniel was surprised to learn that the humans in this universe developed their version of the wormhole generator - called a Flip Drive - before they ever needed to develop relativistic flight. They don’t have Starjumpers and never needed to accelerate towards the speed of light.

After the Gren came through the Gate, they fought the humans and K’laxi on that side to a standstill. The truce was tenuous and it was decided that a demonstration was needed to remind the Gren - and the Coalition - what the humans from Daniel’s dimension could do.

Daniel thought it was all a little bit dramatic and overblown, but at least they were just going to strike a planetoid in the Gren’s system. Long range scans had indicated that it was dark and cold and wasn’t a secret base or anything. Just a large rock.

As Daniel was secured in his acceleration couch, he connected to Solvent and made sure everyone else was secure. Solvent had inertial compensators, but at the speeds they were going, even a slight error in compensation would cause damage or death to anyone outside the safety of the couch. It was a bit of work to get the Sefigans and other Coalition species to interface with the couches, but humanity’s experience with the K’laxi helped.

“Daniel, everyone is in their chairs and secure. We can begin when ready.”

Connected to Solvent, Daniel was able to look through their sensors. They were currently boosting at 2gee and running at around 75% C. “Okay Solvent. We’re going to do to links back to back, so we’ll need War Emergency Power. Do you want me to say the phrase?”

“Only if you want to Daniel. I know how to work my own reactors.”

Daniel chuckled. In the old days, Captains would order the ship AI to release War Emergency Power, which would disable all fuses and limiters to the reactors. This would give the ships a tremendous amount of power for a short amount of time. It also increased the risks of the reactors destroying themselves. These days, relations with AIs are better, and most commanders know that the ships know themselves better than the commanders do. Ordering the release of War Emergency Power is seen as a bit old fashioned. “I’m good Universal Solvent. Please use your own discretion vis a vis power.”

“Aye Daniel. I will be releasing War Emergency Power for the duration of the exercise.”

At that, Daniel could feel, rather than hear the reactors. There was this noise or feeling that set his teeth on edge. It rose in tone and intensity until it almost sounded like a whistle at the edge of hearing. Uumer reached out over the ship’s comm channel “What is that noise? Is something broken?”

“Nothing to worry about Uumer, I have removed the fuses and limiters from my reactors. I need the additional power for our maneuvers.”

“You can do that?”

“Oh yes, but the risk of critical catastrophic failure is much higher now. Once we’re done, I’ll take things back to normal.”

Uumer didn’t say anything, but Daniel could feel how impressed he was.

“Daniel, we will link in 10 seconds.”

“Thanks Solvent. Once we’re back in real space, release our impactors and drop camera beacons. We’ll then link back and begin braking.”

“Aye. 5 seconds.”

They Linked.

One of the things that humans of this dimension don’t like to mention is that while their wormhole generator is considered to be much more accurate and robust than a Flip drive, it does require quite a bit more power and also has this… side effect.

About one in one thousand people who use the drive experience something like death while they’re in between points of reality.

Humanity on this side has been dealing with it for nearly a millennium and by now is mostly used to it. Sure, it frightens folks when it first happens, but like they say, you’d be surprised what you can get used to.

In fact, it’s so commonplace that they often forget to tell people that it happens.

Uumer is on his back. He feels the warm grass and bright sun. Blinking he sits up. It looks like… home. More than that, it looks like his homeworld, or at least the descriptions of it that he’s read. He’s never been there. He’s on a wide savanna. In all directions is a sea of golden grass. As he stands, a breeze picks up and the grass undulates and moves like water. Someone approaches. Another Sefigan. “You made it!” They throw their arms forward and tumble towards him in greeting. Bewildered, but happy to see someone like him, he reciprocates the gesture, a traditional greeting. “Thank you brother, but where am i?”

The other Sefigan’s ears waggle. “Brother, you are dead.”

Uumer comes back, strapped into his acceleration couch. He blinks back tears. In the moment he’s struck by a thought. The humans keep their eyes clean this way too, they also cry. “D-Daniel.” Uumer’s voice is unsteady. “What happened?”

“Uh, we linked into Gren space Uumer. We just released the camera beacons and the impactors. We’re going to link away in a second. Can your question wait?”

“Yes.”

They link away.

When they’re back in human controlled space, Solvent begins the long deceleration process. It’ll take another month to slow back down relative to their departure and be able to link to another starbase. The camera beacons caught the demonstration perfectly. The three impactors struck the planetoid at 75% C and completely obliterated it. Supposedly the flash was seen with unaided eyes by the Green Fleet Command themselves. Publicly, they declared it an unwarranted provocation. Daniel will have to wait until they’ve come to a halt and linked home to learn what - if anything - they said privately about it.

After all the excitement calms down, Uumer goes to find Daniel. He’s back with M’erian in the lounge and they’re snuggled together watching something on his pad. “Uh, Daniel?”

Daniel looks up with a start. “Oh! Hi Uumer, what did you think of the run?”

“I uh, had a question about that actually. You know that was my first link ever?”

“Oh that’s right, you would have Flipped or FlashWarped over to the starbase.” His eyes go wide. “Oh no, did you…”

“I did Daniel. Did I actually die?” Uumer’s claws are sliding in and out of their sheaths.

“Uh well, nobody really knows. It happens to us too, and the K’laxi-“ He starts idly stroking M’erian. “-but our philosophers can’t come to an agreement about whether it’s real or not.”

“Does it happen to you?”

“No, fortunately. It’s only about one in one thousand that it happens to.”

Uumer is shaking slightly, “and you’re okay with that? With a small percentage of people dying when you use the wormhole generator?”

“Uumer. For one, they all come back. For two, most report that other than the surprise, it was a pleasant experience. And for three, we’re not about to give up on a way to shrink the distance between the stars over something like that. It’s fine.”

“Uumer, it’s a scary thing. Some people in my familiar group experience it too. But really, it’s normal here. Everyone gets used to it, and if they don’t then…” M’erian’s ears flick. “They make other arrangements. They either stick to worlds they can reach via Gate, or stay in one system, or hibernate for the trip. There are options. Especially now that you and the Coalition is here. We can see if we can work out FlashWarp technology, or build our own Flip drives.”

Uumer looks at both of them. How comfortable they look. How much they enjoy being together. He’s overcome with a flash of jealousy and disgust. His ears droop. “I thought I understood humans and that over here they’d be the same as over there. I’m beginning to wonder about that.” He turns and leaves the lounge.

M’erian and Daniel share a look. He shrugs and smiles and flicks her ears and they go back to their video.

#humans are deathworlders #writing #humans and aliens #jpitha #humans are space oddities #humans and ai #sci fi writing #the k'laxiverse #the grenverse #humans are space orcs #humanity fuck yeah #hfy

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whxre-bxby · 2 years ago

Note

I just finished reading your fic "Cursed By Blue" (AND IM SO IN LOVE, fr marry me 💍) and i was hoping you could make a different version but with Ja and Prager?

I KNEW this was coming LMAO (let's go on a honeymoon) here you go <3

"Cursed By Blue" 2.0

f. Recom Y/N x Recom Prager x Recom Ja

(I can't find a gif of Ja) heartbreak hotel

"Cursed By Blue"1. Masterlist

Summary: The recom team is out on another mission, exploring the woods in search of Sully. However, the ladies become inconvenienced by a certain seasonal feeling they didn’t expect. It hits Y/n the hardest and it’s not long before the others understand what’s happening. While everyone fights their instincts, the only option Y/N sees available is to run.

WARNINGS: SMUT, force with consent, predator/prey, heat fucking, heat cycles, penetration, unprotected sex, breeding kink, quickie, Z-Dog absolutely destroying everyone

Word Count: 4555

We were nearing the weekend. Not that that affected us. Lyle told me it was Friday today and I was surprised because I had completely lost track of time. But it didn’t really matter what day it was because we didn’t get time off anyway. Finding Jake was our number one priority and no breaks other than sleep were allowed.

So here we were again, walking deeper into the forest of Pandora. It had just passed lunch time and we were here since early morning.

No one was tired though, not yet. We weren’t allowed to be either.

Today also happened to be warmer than usual so I wasn't wearing my usual long-sleeved attire and pants. I dressed like Walker usually did, in a sports bra and shorts. She and Z-Dog decided to wear tank tops like most of the others.

The forest grew quieter the more we distanced ourselves from the RDA base and the city. Soon, we could only hear the wind blowing between the leaves and the distant calls of animals. That and our heavy footsteps.

The Colonel and Lyle started the day off by leading us into the woods. As the hours passed by, the line mixed since everyone had a different walking pace and now it was Z-Dog and me leading at the front. Walker was close behind.

I had been excessively drinking for the last 30-45 minutes and I wasn’t sure why. Z-Dog glanced over at me when she saw me reach for another water bottle.

“That’s your third one already. Are you okay”? She asks, watching me gulp it down. I swallow most of the water and inhale sharply, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

“I don’t know.” I say, gasping for air. “Maybe I’m dehydrated?”

“Don’t think so, we always drink the same amount and I’m fine.” Z-Dog says. We continue walking for a while longer in silence, thinking. Then Z reaches for her water and starts drinking it like she’s been running.

I laugh a little but seeing her drink made me feel thirsty again.

I reach for my water only to notice I have a few drops left. I down the remaining liquid and hold the bottle to my head. It seemed to be getting really warm.

Turning around, I open my mouth and want to say something to Walker only to see her finishing her own bottle of water. I look behind me fully and no one else is drinking.

“What. The. Fuck.” I say, feeling genuinely confused. Walker looks up at me with water drizzling down her chin and Z turns around.

I wheeze and Z laughs and we wait for Walker to catch up so we can walk together.

“Do you have any water left?” I ask her, knowing we at the front drank ours.

“No, that was my last bottle.” she says and I notice how heavy my breathing is becoming.

“Wait, you ran out too?” she asks and Z-Dog scoffs.

“Yeah, been drinkin’ like we ran a marathon.” she says and I nod.

“I’ll ask the others.” I say before turning around and seeing Mansk behind me.

“Can I have some of your water?” I ask, wiping a bead of sweat from my forehead. Compared to us, Mansk is not sweating at all. He’s wearing his usual long-sleeved jacket over his tank top.

The man glances up at me and his eyebrows furrow for a split second before he nods and hands one of his bottles over.

“You ran out already?” he asks while I open it and drink about half.

I wipe my mouth again, closing my eyes for a second and nodding. “Yeah.” I breathe out. “Thanks.” I say, handing it back to him.

“Y’ alright?” he asks again taking the bottle back and I nod, not thinking much of it. Mansk doesn’t seem convinced.

Ja overheard our conversation and sped up his walk to catch up to us. When Mansk noticed his presence he seemed a little relieved.

“Is she okay?” he asks his colleague. Ja was the medic of the group so he would know. He took a glance at me and also thought of what I suggested.

“Did you drink enough?” he asks me and I nod.

“Yeah, I drank all my water and some of Mansk’s.” I scoff, wiping sweat from my forehead again.

Ja presses the back of his hand against my cheek and then my forehead.

“Shit, you’re burning up.” he said, scanning over me.

I was feeling extremely warm. My skin felt like it was burning and my clothes suddenly felt tight and restrictive.

In front of us, Z-Dog and Walker are discussing something.

Ja felt up my arm and checked my pulse while we were walking and Mansk stayed on my other side in case I was in fact not okay.

“Yeah, somethin’s definitely not right.” Ja announces to us, not quite sure how to help me. Mansk has his eyebrows furrowed, examining my behaviour.

“They have it too.” I say, pointing at Z-Dog and Walker who now turn around. Walker is grimacing a little and Z looks worried.

Mansk’s and Ja’s heads look up at them and they notice that they are breathing heavily and sweating just like me. Ja also takes note of the empty bottles in their hands.

“Everthin’ okay up there?” the Colonel calls. It seems as though the others have noticed the small commotion and the medical check-up.

Ja turns around, rubbing the back of his head.

“Uh- no sir not really.” he calls back, stopping in his tracks to wait for Quaritch so that he can explain. Mansk and I keep walking and he watches me intently as I break out into a type of pant. My ears are pinned back and my tail is wildly flicking around behind me. My eyelids also happen to suddenly grow heavy and I keep them half-lidded.

What snaps me out of my haze is Z calling my name.

“Hey, Y/N come over here for a sec.” she says, turning around. Walker is running her hand down her face in what looks like frustration.

I nod, jogging over and leaving Mansk behind. He’s still watching me, trying to make sense of what’s happening.

Neither Z nor Walker looks like they feel like joking around anymore.

“Have you read the manual?” she asks and it takes me a few seconds to realise she means the Na’vi Body data.

“Yeah, of course, we had to.” I say, trying to play it cool. She raises an eyebrow and I sigh.

“I stopped once I reached the shit about plants. It got boring.” I say and she nods, knowing damn well she didn’t read further than that either.

“Walker read it, and it said somethin’ ‘bout a heat cycle.” Z says and I glance at Walker.

“Yeah… we’re not dehydrated. I remember the symptoms. It’s happening right now.” Walker says, scanning my reddened face.

“Does it burn?” Z asks and my ears perk forward for once, being relieved from the tense strain I kept them in the past half hour.

“Everything burns.” I say.

“You know what I mean.” she adds and I groan in frustration too.

“Yeah.” I mumble. I can’t deny the heat that’s been forming between my legs. I tried ignoring it but it grew worse.

“Do you feel, like-” Z says, gasping for air herself. “...uncontrollably horny?” she asks with a light laugh and Walker smirks.

I have no shame admitting anything in front of them so I chuckle and answer. “More like painfully horny.”

They laugh a little, struggling to even out their breathing.

“We need to distance ourselves from them.” Walker says, glancing over her shoulder. “Especially you Y/N you seem to have it bad.” she chuckles, motioning to my panting self. “Otherwise we’re done for and this squad will no longer be as professional.”

My eyes widen. “Wait- you’re joking right? It’ll go away like tomorrow. How would they know about this if we don’t tell them?” I ask and Walker opens her mouth to answer but before she can, my answer is handed to me differently.

“You smell that?” someone says behind us. My heart stops pounding for a second. Right our new senses have us picking up more.

“These cursed blue bitches.” I swear and Z breathily laughs, seeming to know how screwed we are. She’s passed the stage of denial and is now accepting our fate.

We turn around and notice that Lyle was talking to Prager. Prager nodded and they stopped walking. Mansk had also stopped in his tracks, turning to them. Behind them, Ja, Quaritch, Brown, Lopez and the remaining team catch up and everyone comes to a halt.

Quaritch walks between them and deeply inhales. He looks around, noticing how his soldiers are smelling what he is too.

I feel my heart slowly drop and I hold on to Z-Dog for some comfort. All three of us are watching them, dreading their reaction.

“What is it?” Lopez asks.

“No idea, but it’s fuckin’ great.” Lyle chuckles and my breath catches in my throat.

It seems to affect them too. As Lyle inhales, his own tail is swishing around behind him and his muscles flex. He’s growing restless and the recom’s are looking at their Colonel for an answer or instructions.

My heart seems to stop beating when I see Ja turn to me. Prager’s gaze meets mine as well and it’s so intimidating which is unlike both of them. They’re watching my every movement and I take a step back, my grip on Z’s arm tightening.

“Oh fuck.” I whisper while barely moving my lips. I feel a little hazy again and start leaning against Z-Dog. She sighs looking more pissed than worried and catches me, trying to keep me upright.

The soldiers follow Ja’s, Prager’s and the Colonel’s eyes and notice us standing a bit further away.

“It ain’t dehydration, I can tell ya that.” Quaritch says, referring to Ja’s hypothesis of what might be happening. Seems like he read the manual too.

The stupid excitement in my stomach has grown so big it’s making me feel sick. And all their eyes on us have me more nervous.

"Do we kill them or ourselves?" Walker asks, not liking any of this.

“Can we leave?” I whisper to Z and she nods, staring down the others as if they would move when she looks away.

“Yeah, come on.” she says, guiding me forwards. I take a wobbly step, almost stumbling.

Walking won’t do it. I have so much adrenaline coursing through my veins I want to run away.

I glance back, noticing everyone’s tense poses. Their eyes follow our every move, making them seem almost predatory. My only instinct now is to run.

Z gives me a push and my legs take off. I start running and hear Walker and Z-Dog do the same behind me. There’s a commotion happening behind them and the next time I glance behind me, everyone is chasing after us.

It was a miserable escape attempt, to be honest. We were already so out of breath compared to them, we really didn’t make it far.

Z caught up to me because she was not affected by the heat as much as me.

Within the next few seconds, I was tackled to the ground, luckily hitting the soft grass. I fall with a shriek and when I look up I see Z-Dog made it a little further but she’s down now too.

I felt bodyweight on my back and a hand wrapped around the back of my neck. I couldn’t move. Z-Dog could and the man that pushed her was getting a beating right now. She wasn’t having any of it.

I cry out, feeling uncomfortable in this position. My chest was pressed into the ground and I was struggling to breathe.

The feeling and the effects of the scent the recom’s picked up had everyone acting on their primal instincts. Most common sense was gone as their new bodies seemed to be overpowered by the will of nature.

The scent had the soldiers feel just as worked up as the heat cycle did. Instinctively, they ran after the ‘potential mate’ they felt most attracted to because that was Eywa’s will.

I couldn’t say anything, I felt completely overwhelmed and somehow, submitting to him felt like the right thing to do. My right mind would never let this happen but I couldn’t think of anything else but finding some relief in this agonising feeling. My body longed for this.

“Shh- it’s alright.” A voice from above me cooed. “Just stop movin’.”

My eyes shoot wide open and I recognise that it’s Ja. His hands found mine, and he held them together behind my back while leaning forward and speaking close to my ear.

Another pair of heavy footsteps come to a halt close to me and I see how a weapon is thrown to the ground on my left.

Ja is straddling me, keeping a knee on my lower back to pin me down while he removes the heavy medical equipment from his back.

I whine and struggle beneath him again but this time his hand catches my jaw, holding my face still and making me look forwards. He leans down, pressing his face against the side of my head.

“I know how to help you, princess. Quit the movin’.” he told me, almost snarling his words.

Next to us I hear a shout of pain and see how Z-Dog has fought a man to the ground. At least she was going to be fine. Ja turns my head away from her, not wanting me to get any ideas from her.

“Fuck- we really doin’ this?” Another person says and I realise Prager is here too.

“Shut up and help me out here.” Ja replies, growing restless and impatient.

The shouting in the distance is increasing and I hear Walker and Z-Dog just demolishing things while the Colonel is yelling and getting angry that equipment is being destroyed.

Both Prager and Ja’s head’s shoot over to the commotion and they exchange looks.

A gunshot suddenly makes me flinch and I want to turn my head to see what the actual fuck is happening but Ja doesn’t let me.

Without hesitating another second, Ja moves off of me and both men hurl me to my feet, quickly dragging me behind a tree. I’m being pulled backwards so I finally get a small glimpse of the action and I notice that something has been set on fire. Looking at what I think are Z-Dog and Walker, I notice how they’ve put the fire between themselves and the others. There was too much going on.

Suddenly I was being pushed down again and I landed on my knees. Prager and Ja had pulled me away from the others just enough to get some type of privacy.

The last thing either of the men wanted was one of the others interfering with you.

I move forwards, staying on my knees but leaning against one of my arms that I now placed on the ground. My free one wrapped around my middle section and I continued to pant. The sensations I felt were so odd. My body seemed to be buzzing and I was overwhelmed.

Prager and Ja were hastily removing their vests and other equipment, knowing they didn’t have all day and they were not going to waste this opportunity.

Footsteps jog over to me and Ja lands on his knees in front of me. I look up and see that his torso is bare. With the current state I’m in I can’t help but stare.

He smirks, cupping my flushed cheek and making me look up at his face.

“That’s right baby, you’ll get what you want.” he said. Since he was a medic, he had to know everything about the Na’vi body and he knew very well what I needed now.

My eyes widen at his words as I can only imagine what he means. He chuckles and looks at his friend.

“Ain’t that right, Prager?”

“Fuckin’ right.” Prager answers and moments later I hear a thud on the ground behind me. He too dropped to his knees and I heard him unbuckling his belt. Ja swiped a strand of hair from my face, brushing it back before smiling. We locked eyes again and he mirrored Prager’s actions, opening and removing his belt with one hand, making me swallow nervously.

“You want this, don’t you baby?” Ja asked, making sure he and Prager were good to go. I nod, letting out another impatient whine while my fingers tug at the waistband of his pants.

Ja chuckles, nodding at Prager before opening his pants. I watch with parted lips, not even noticing the drool leaking down the side of my mouth.

Hands are around my waist and my own pants are being tugged down my legs. Prager pulls them off, throwing them to the side and rubbing over all of the newly exposed skin. He rested his hand on my ass, squeezing the flesh before pulling my panties to the side. His hand wrapped around my tail, lifting it into the air so that my wet cunt was exposed to him.

I shiver when the cool breeze hits my hot skin. Prager hums approvingly, tracing his fingers around my core before sliding his thumb through my folds.

“Y/N?” Prager says from behind me and I look over my shoulder, seeing he discarded his pants. “Ready?” he asks, wanting to make sure I was still okay.

I nod my head, breathily saying ‘yes’ because I was out of breath. To make it clear to him I push my hips back, pressing them right up against him. I feel his bare thighs press up against the back of mine and his now free dick is resting between my ass cheeks.

“Fuckin’ hell…” he curses under his breath and Ja scoffs, wanting some attention too.

I face forwards again, looking up at Ja who pulled his pants halfway down his thighs, revealing his own length to me. My eyes grow wide and I look at him to make sure I can touch him.

He tangles his fingers into the hair on the back of my head, edging me closer to him until my hot breath is hitting his skin.

My tail wraps around Prager’s slim waist, pulling him further into me to encourage him to finally do something. He doesn’t need to be told twice.

Ja’s eyebrows are furrowed and his lips are slightly parted as he watches me and I take the hint. I open my mouth and stick out my saliva-covered tongue, licking around the base of his throbbing erection. His body shudders in excitement while he inhales sharply, tucking in his bottom lip between his teeth.

I smile at him before moving my tongue further up his dick until I reached his tip. It’s where he’s the most sensitive. It’s also the area I will devote most of my attention to.

Prager pulled his hips back a bit, his right hand tightly gripping my waist while his left lined up his pulsing cock with my hole.

Slowly, he pushed his hips forward, watching with lust-darkened eyes how the head of his dick was being engulfed by me.

I close my eyes and moan while keeping my lips attached to Ja’s length. His breathing stuttered unevenly as he felt the vibrations soar through him and then he let his head fall back once my lips wrapped around his tip.

I sucked on it, keeping my ears perked forward to catch every noise he made. He cursed while looking up at the sky, before watching me work my way down him.

I swirled my tongue around his tip and then pushed myself further down. He already hit the back of my mouth but I decided to not stop there because I only had half of him in my mouth.

His fingers tightened in my hair but he didn’t push me down further. Ja let me go at my own pace, he just needed to grab onto something to keep him grounded.

Prager had now pushed all the way in and it immediately felt good. I was finally full. My eyes fluttered closed as I spread my legs further apart for him, arching my back to see if he could go deeper.

He was hypnotised by my inviting movements and realised how my desperate attempts for more made him even harder.

Luckily, Prager didn’t keep me waiting and soon found a steady pace.

I was being nudged forwards with each thrust of Prager’s hips and thereby moved my head up and down Ja’s dick. I inhaled deeply through my nose, closing my eyes to concentrate as I pushed my head down further down him.

Ja’s eyes turned from watching me half-closed to being unable to look away. He was surprised by how much of him you were able to take and it made his dick twitch in your mouth. Fuck, how did he only realise now how perfect you were?

Prager’s hips snap forward more suddenly this time, rocking me further forward so that my nose hits Ja’s abdomen while his dick is down my throat. Ja’s mouth is hanging open and he moans once he bottoms out.

“Holy shit-” he curses through clenched teeth as he fights his body and tries his absolute best not to spill just yet. “Didn’t know you could take it all.” he breathes out, trying to calm his panting. I hum in response, pulling back before pushing down all the way again. Ja’s muscles flex as his body floods with waves of pleasure.

Prager is pulling my hips back against his now, every time he thrusts into me and with my further spread legs, he hits my sweet spot at a new angle, managing to plunge himself deeper into me.

I moan around Ja, going weak in the arms for a second and he curses.

“Shit. Whatever you’re doin’ Prager-” he groans, clenching his eyes closed. “Don’t stop.”

Prager nods with a grin, relishing in the feeling of your warm walls tightly hugging him. He also takes note of the slick slowly running down your thighs. The sight turned him on so much he couldn’t wait to cum deep inside you. The way you started rocking into him indicated you were close so he was glad he wouldn’t have to restrain himself for too long.

Ja was so close to losing it, shivering and groaning every time your face pressed against his lower stomach.

I decided to take it up a notch and hollowed my cheeks around him each time I pushed forward. This way I was creating a strong suction, not letting his dick escape my mouth when I pulled back. His tip always stayed in my mouth.

Suddenly Ja whimpered, making my ears shoot forward.

He threw his head back moaning “Fuck, fuck fuck-” and couldn’t stop his hand from pushing your head down him as far as possible. His hips bucked forwards and he stilled while his entire body tensed and he released his load deep down your throat.

The way you hollowed your cheeks made him cum instantly, loving the feeling of how you sucked him dry.

Prager’s huffing turned into groans and growls as he dug his fingertips into my hips, rutting into me like there was no tomorrow.

I swallow all of Ja’s cum and he releases my hair, sitting back on his knees and breathing heavily. I gently pull back from him, letting out a small cough before licking away any remaining cum on his dick. He watched me with soft eyes, almost falling in love at the sight.

Prager moans, letting his head hang down for a second as he leans over my back and wraps both arms around my waist. His head is resting in the crook of my neck while his chest is pressed up against my back and his hips continue their brutal pace. Our skin slaps against each other and I know my ass is going to be red or at least a shade of purple by the time we are done.

I’m finally so close to my own high that I curl my fingers in the grass, pushing my ass further into the air so that he can access my cunt better.

Prager doesn’t stop ploughing into me and continues the bruising pace while the sweat on our bodies mixes.

“Prager-” I moan, closing my eyes. “I’m so- close.”

His deep voice growls into my ear when he hears the words, making him speed up his thrusts even more.

“Cum for us. C’mon.” he breathes, encouraging me as he feels his own high near him.

I cry out and suddenly I’m pushed over the edge. My pussy clenches around Prager’s dick as he rides out my orgasm which leaves my arms and legs shaking.

His hips stutter and once I’ve come down from my high, he bites down into my shoulder and buries himself as deep into me as possible. His cum shoots into me, filling me up while my now sensitive pussy throbs around him.

His hot breath coming from his nose is fanning against my shoulder which he gently releases from his bite. Prager looks down at it, not quite sure why he felt the need to do that.

“You okay?” he whispers, nuzzling his face into my neck and awaiting a response.

I nod, inhaling deeply. “Yeah. Much better.”

Ja chuckles and Prager smiles before pushing himself off of me and gently pulling out.

He leans back, examining how his semen is drizzling out of my cum stuffed cunt.

“That’s stayin’ there.” He said, fingering it back in with his fingers. I gasp, biting down on my teeth. Ja rubs my attacked shoulder, wiping some blood away with his thumb in an attempt to soothe me a little while Prager puts my panties on, making sure most of his cum was still inside me.

They dressed me first which I appreciated, helping me back into my pants before they clothed themselves. While they were getting dressed I just lay on the forest floor, going over what just happened.

At least I was no longer burning up. I was sure it would come back but it was solved for now.

They walk over to me, gently but effortlessly heaving me to my feet and both of them chuckle when my legs tremble.

“Don’t worry, we got you.” Prager said, wrapping an arm around my waist and helping me walk again.

When we returned to the others, the ground was a mess. The fire had been put out but a soldier which Z had probably hit was sitting on the ground with a cooling blue pack over their eye. Seems like Fike got the worst beating.

They were all sitting on the ground and the Colonel was walking by them, making them fix all the equipment that had been broken.

We were glad not to be a part of that and managed to rejoin them without raising suspicion. Everyone was distracted so they didn’t notice me struggling to stand and Ja and Prager refusing to leave my side.

Tag List: @ikranwings @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @number1gal

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imzadi-caskett-huddy · 7 months ago

Text

Break First (1/1)

I know I owe you guys chapters on “Hell Hath No Fury” and “It Started With a Kiss.” Trust me, I know. And I would love to be writing them for you. However, as I was listening to some music, minding my own business, this idea hit me BAM! Like lightning. And now instead of writing the fics I’ve already got going, I’m writing this one-shot to get it out of my head so I can get back to my regular scheduled fic writing.

This fic takes place after “The Limey” in season 4. The fic is inspired by the song “Break First” by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. If you look it up to watch on YouTube, I recommend watching one of the versions from their live concert because their chemistry together is unreal. The words will appear in the fic, so it’s not completely necessary to look up the song…but you won’t regret it if you do. You’ll get more emotion behind the words if you listen to them with the music as opposed to if you just read them.

I do not own the song “Break First,” nor do I own Castle.

xxxxx

Standing at the bar tryin’ to get a drink

Got one I haven’t touched at the table

Somebody said you’re here, but I ain’t gonna leave

Maybe I’ll just act like you’re a stranger

Kate was sitting at the airport bar next to the handsome Scotland Yard Detective Inspector, nursing her glass of whiskey…whiskey, because after the day–well, few days–she’d had, there was no way she could settle for beer or even wine, and her only answer when Colin had asked what she wanted had been to say whatever he was drinking.

There was nothing particularly wrong with Colin. He was ridiculously handsome, sexy even…she’d snuck a peek at his body when his towel had dropped. He definitely checked off all the boxes from a physical standpoint. He was interesting enough, and even if he wasn’t, he had an accent that automatically made everything he said more interesting simply because of how it sounded coming out of his mouth. They even had things in common professionally.

So no…Colin wasn’t a bad date. But she found herself doing her best to feign interest as he talked, as her mind kept wandering. She kept replaying how Castle had pulled up to her crime scene in his Ferrari with that blonde floozy, and much as it had that night, she felt her heart clench and a sinking feeling in her gut. Lanie’s voice echoed in her head–Like you waited too long. She took a drink of her whiskey at that thought.

As if on cue, she spotted him…no, them taking an empty table across the bar. Jacinda. She was pressed against his side like she was glued there, and Kate guessed she may as well have been with the way Castle’s hand was around her waist, holding her against him. And then her damn eagle eye spotted the blonde’s hand running up along his inner thigh; a wave of jealousy,

anger, and hurt rolled through her body, and she felt almost sick…definitely like she’d just been sucker punched.

Do you know how hard it is, tryin’ to hold a conversation

Knowing you’re right there across the room

So I don’t hear a word that they’re sayin’

No I don’t hear a word that they’re sayin’

“I’m sorry, Kate; I’m boring you,” Colin apologized, realizing he’d lost her attention.

“What? No…no, you aren’t boring me,” she tore her eyes away from the scene that was breaking her heart as she finished the alcohol in her glass and ordered another. “I’m sorry, it’s just been a long few days,” she apologized, turning to face the bar in front of her completely so she no longer had to watch Castle get a handjob from his latest squeeze underneath his table.

Colin studied her a moment before turning to look in the direction she’d been staring daggers at moments ago. Seeing Castle and a blonde woman, he turned back to her. “Must be hard working with your ex. How long ago did you break up?”

“We didn’t break up.” Seeing his confused look, she continued. “He’s not my ex,” Kate told him simply.

“Really? I could have sworn you two…”

“No,” Kate interrupted him. “Castle and I have never dated,” she exaggerated her annunciation of the word dated as the bartender placed a fresh glass in front of her, and she took a drink.

“Ah,” Colin nodded his understanding then. “But there’s something there?”

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I thought so.”

“But you don’t think so anymore?”

Kate offered a half-shrug and took another sip of her drink, letting the burn of the alcohol take the edge off the sting of it all. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Who’s gonna walk up and say “Hi”

Then lean in a little too close to whose lips

Say “What the hell are we doin'?”

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Castle had spotted her almost as soon as he’d entered the bar with Jacinda. He was a writer…he paid attention to the details. Even with the uncomplicated distraction of the attractive woman on his arm, there was no way he wouldn’t spot Kate. Unfortunately, he also spotted him. Of course, she was there with Scotland Yard. Just one more guy she could add to the list of men she dated. It seemed like she was willing to date anyone but him…almost as though the first criteria a man had to meet to score a date with Kate Beckett was to simply not be Richard Castle.

He watched as the other man placed his hand on her arm, earning a small smile from her in return. The Englishman stood from his seat at the bar then, and Castle was relieved it seemed like he was leaving. Only then he leaned in and placed a kiss on Beckett’s cheek, and Castle saw red. He immediately slid the hand that had been on Jacinda’s waist down to her ass, leaning in to whisper into her ear with a smile, his lips grazing the skin of her neck.

I’m dancing with a girl, got my eyes closed

Actin’ like I’m lost in the music

All I’m thinkin’ ‘bout is holdin’ you close

I don’t know how much longer I can do this

When he pulled back slightly from Jacinda and braved a glace in Kate’s direction, he was pleased to find that Scotland Yard was gone. He’d probably had to catch his flight. But Kate was still there, drinking alone now. Part of him wondered if she’d noticed him come into the bar with Jacinda. Part of him hoped she had, wanted her to see the way the blonde woman wanted him, touched him. Part of him wanted her to know that he didn’t need her.

Only…he did. Because while the flight attendant was attractive and fun and uncomplicated, she just…wasn’t Kate. She wasn’t as beautiful as Kate. She wasn’t as witty as Kate. She didn’t smile or laugh like Kate. She definitely wasn’t as brilliant or as intelligent as Kate. Her eyes weren’t the right shade…her hair wasn’t the right color. He hated himself but he still wanted her…he still wanted Kate. Jacinda was nothing more than a blonde distraction, the same way Gina had been.

He closed his eyes, letting his mind play tricks on him, letting his mind convince him that it was Kate he had his arm around; it was Kate who had her body pressed up against his, whispering seductively into his ear; it was Kate’s hand on his thigh. For as long as he kept his eyes closed, it worked. As long as he kept his eyes closed, he could pretend that she loved him too, that she was with him…finally. Kate... But when he opened his eyes, it wasn't Kate’s hazel eyes looking back at him.

Do you know how hard it is, bein’ in this situation?

Knowing you were everything

And now havin’ to act like we’re nothing

And pretendin’ that I don’t still love you

“Who’s Kate?”

Castle froze. Shit. He hadn’t realized he’d said her name out loud, but obviously he had. “She’s nobody. Just…a character in a chapter of a book I’m writing,” he tried to cover. “I was trying to figure out how to say goodbye to her. Her chapter in my book is over.”

Jacinda wasn’t as quick or as brilliant as Kate, but she wasn’t completely dumb either. “Sounds more like an old girlfriend to me,” she stated, pulling back from him slightly.

“Well, she’s not,” he shrugged. “In fact, I can promise you that she is not now, nor has she ever been, my girlfriend.” That part was painfully true, unfortunately.

“I’ve got to go, Ricky. My flight is boarding soon,” she told him, slipping out of his grasp.

“Jacinda, wait…”

She paused and leaned in to give him a gentle kiss. “When you finish working out whatever is going on with whoever Kate is, give me a call,” she told him, offering him a small smile before exiting the bar.

Castle sighed deeply. Damn it. He hadn’t ordered a drink when they’d entered because he was being nice about the fact that Jacinda couldn’t have one right before she went on duty. But now he definitely needed a drink. Only he couldn’t go up to the bar because Kate was still sitting there.

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Who's gonna walk up and say “Hi”

Then lean in a little too close to whose lips

Say “What the hell are we doin’?”

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Kate noticed the blonde leaving the bar out of the corner of her eye. She decided she had enough of this…whatever this was. Tossing back what was left of her whiskey, she placed her glass on the counter and slid out of the chair. She wasn’t drunk by any means…no, Kate Beckett could hold her liquor. But her filter was no longer operational after 3 glasses of whiskey. She marched right over to his table. She didn’t bother with pleasantries, she cut right to the chase. “What the hell are you doing?”

His eyes narrowed at her. “What the hell am I doing? What the hell are you doing? I thought you said Scotland Yard…”

“His name is Colin,” Kate interrupted him angrily.

“Fine…I thought that Colin was flying back to London,” he countered, his own anger flaring.

“He did.”

“His departure for London obviously made him irresistible to you. Can’t get much more one foot out the door than a relationship with a man who is a 7-hour flight away from you,” he stated.

“Why do you care? Didn’t you have a date with Jacinda?” she practically spat her name.

“Jealous?” he smirked smugly.

“Of your flight attendant floozy? Please,” she snorted. But oh…she was jealous. Jealous of the way Castle looked at her. Jealous of the way Castle talked about her. Jealous of the way he so easily handed the keys to his Ferrari…his Ferrari…to her. Jealous of the fact that Jacinda had driven his Ferrari more in 3 days than she had in 3 years.

“You sound jealous.”

Kate clenched her jaw and narrowed her eyes. “I’m not jealous. If you want to fuck your way through Delta’s entire fleet of flight attendants, be my guest. Just keep them the hell away from my crime scenes, and the hell away from my investigations,” she growled.

“Because you never mix business with pleasure,” he commented sarcastically.

“Excuse me?”

“Sorenson…you kissed him at the house of the kidnapped girl. Demming…you kissed him in the precinct, slept with him while you were working together too. Josh…paraded him around the precinct and couldn’t keep your hands off him. Now Colin. Only a matter of time before you sleep with him too…assuming you haven’t already. And those are just the ones I know about,” he said lowly.

She swallowed hard, her hands clenching into fists as her anger flared. They were standing almost toe to toe now, staring each other down…no, more like glaring at each other. Her eyes were getting watery, and she hated, hated the fact that when she got this angry the tears came without her permission and were completely out of her control. “You’re a jackass,” she hissed lowly.

“You’re a coward and a liar,” he growled, trying to mask his hurt behind the venom in his tone.

Who’s gonna say, “What were we thinkin’?

Who’s gonna cut right through the tension?

Who’s gonna admit that they miss who worse?

Who’s gonna tell who how bad it hurts?

His words felt like a slap in the face, made her heart feel like it were being ripped apart by that bullet all over again. For a moment, she found herself wishing it had been a bullet ripping through her heart again; at least a bullet’s damage could be repaired easily by a doctor. The damage his words were causing, however, would require much more than the skilled hands of a surgeon.

Their eyes never left each other as they remained in their glare-down, standing so close they were invading each other’s personal space, neither one willing to back down. It wasn’t until she felt a couple of rogue tears slipping down her cheeks that she was finally the one to break first. “What the hell are we doing?” The words were soft when they fell from her lips, and she couldn’t hide the hurt in them. “What did I do to make you hate me?”

He simply stared hard at her for a moment before his eyes finally softened just slightly. “I don’t hate you.” He didn’t hate her. He could never hate her. But he did want to hurt her, inflict some pain the way she’d hurt him.

“Really? Because from where I’m sitting, it sure as hell feels like you do,” she wiped her cheeks. “I miss my partner…I miss my friend…I miss…you. So please…just…tell me what I did. Because this…” she gestured between them, “this hurts.”

“You want to talk about hurt?” he started. “Do you have any idea how much it hurts to find out everything you believed in for almost a year, hoped for, were working toward for so long is nothing more than a lie from a coward too afraid to just come out and tell you it was never gonna happen?”

She shook her head. “Castle, what are you talking about?” She genuinely had no idea where all of this was coming from.

“I heard you,” he finally stated lowly.

“You heard me?” she shook her head, still not following.

He just stared at her. Did she really not know? “In interrogation. With the bombing suspect.”

She stared back at him, trying to put the pieces together. And then it clicked. Oh shit. “Castle…” she started. “It’s not what you think.”

“It’s not what I think?! Kate, you lied to me…this whole time you knew, you knew how I felt about you. And you said nothing!” he said lowly, the anger overruling the hurt in his tone at the moment. “And what’s worse…you made me think there was something between us, something worth waiting for. But the whole time…everything…it was all just a damn lie.”

That’s what all this was about. He’d been waiting for her…and now he thought there was nothing worth waiting for. “Castle, please…just…just let me explain…”

“Explain what, Kate? That instead of just telling me the truth you would rather lie? That you would rather just string me along for God knows what reason instead of just putting me out of my misery? That you would rather be in a relationship with literally anyone but me?”

“Castle, that’s not it!” she tried.

“I’m so tired of this dance, Kate. I’m so tired of doing this with you. Just…just tell me you don’t feel the same and let me go on with my life, let me get over you.”

“Castle…”

“Tell me!” he insisted.

“I love you, okay!” she finally practically yelled at him. Only the fact that the bar was busy kept her confession from being overheard by more than just a few of the closer patrons who, thankfully, didn’t seem to pay them much attention outside of a wayward look at the commotion.

He was frozen at her words. So was she. The look of panic in her eyes told him that she had no more meant to say those words than he had expected to hear them from her. But they were out now. “What?”

She was still frozen, like a deer in headlights. She could feel her heart racing as the walls seemed to be closing in. She could feel the grip of panic rising in her throat. And like a deer in headlights, she turned and ran.

“Kate!” he called after her. But she had caught him off guard with her words and her sudden movement, and it took him a few seconds to get his body to move to chase after her. By the time he made it out to the main terminal, he couldn’t spot her through the crowd of people heading for baggage claim at JFK. Damn it! But he knew where she was going. It was late, she didn’t have a case…she’d go home. And he’d meet her there. This was not over.

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Who’s gonna walk up and say “Hi”

Then lean in a little too close to whose lips

Say “What the hell are we doin’?

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

“Kate!” he stood outside her apartment, banging on her door. When she didn’t open it, he kept banging. “Kate! I’m not leaving until you open the door and talk to me!” He banged on the door again to reiterate his point.

She stood on the other side of the door, her back leaning against it as she wrestled with herself over what to do. She could test him…let him keep banging and yelling and maybe he would get tired and just leave…but she would have angry neighbors. Or she could just open the damn door and face him. She’d rather have the angry neighbors. After a few moments of his continuous banging, she finally opened the door, ready to yell at him.

Only before she was able to say anything, he pushed into her apartment, took her face in his hands, and kissed her hard. The way he moved was so determined and swift that she had to grip his shirt to keep from falling backward. It took several moments for her to get past the shock of his action, but she finally gave herself over to the kiss, the grip on his shirt loosening slightly, her mouth softening under his lips.

His kiss was demanding and thorough. He’d loved her, wanted her, thought he would finally have her…only to have it ripped away because he thought she didn’t feel the same…to then have her admit, albeit accidentally, she did feel the same…and then run away from him. He was making it clear, there was no way she was getting out of this yet…they were going to work this out now. She wouldn’t be able to run from this.

When he finally pulled away, they both stared at each other breathing heavily for a few moments. Kate finally broke the eye contact and moved past him to close the door. “Castle…” she started, only to have him interrupt her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She sighed softly, leaning her forehead against the door for a moment before finally turning to face him. “At first I didn’t know what parts were true, what things actually happened, when they happened. Castle…there were so many flashes of things…I didn’t know which ones were real, which ones I’d hallucinated, or which ones were drug-induced. I was a mess…I had to work through so many issues…” she tried to explain. “By the time I actually remembered and knew it was real…there were so many other issues I needed to work through. I didn’t know how to deal with everything. But I never lied to you about what I wanted.”

“So the relationship you mentioned wanting to have…”

“It was with you. I should have just said that…I shouldn’t have expected you to understand what I meant…” she shook her head. “I’ve been seeing a therapist, Castle. He helped me work through my shooting, my PTSD…he’s helped me with my wall. He’s still helping me,” she told him quietly. “I see him once a week.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he found himself asking her again.

She shrugged. “I just wanted to show up and put in the work without making any excuses,” she answered.

“So this therapist…he’s helped?”

She nodded. “He has.” She was quiet for a few moments. “I need you to understand that me not telling you I remember has nothing to do with how I feel about you. It is and was about me...it never had anything to do with you,” she told him softly. “And I’m sorry…I never meant for you to find out the way you did. I was going to tell you…”

“When?”

She was quiet for another few moments. “After this case, actually. When I asked if you had a minute to talk.”

“Only I didn’t…” he realized, rubbing his hands over his face. “I’m sorry, Kate…about Jacinda…I just, I thought…”

“I know what you thought,” she held up her hand to stop him. “Did you sleep with her?” she asked quietly after a few moments. She needed to know.

“No,” he shook his head. “I’m not going to lie…I tried. I wanted to. But every time we got close I…I couldn’t,” he admitted quietly. “I felt like I was cheating on you, and I couldn’t go through with it.”

“Castle…” she murmured, moving into his arms, burying her face in his chest and just inhaling him.

His arms wrapped around her tightly, resting his head on top of hers as he held her tightly. “I’m sorry…I’m so, so sorry…” he murmured.

Her arms tightened around him as well as she turned her head to look up at him. “Me too,” she

murmured. She tugged her lower lip between her teeth. “Are we…okay?” she asked nervously.

He looked down at her. “Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that, considering?” he asked softly.

“We’re ok,” she nodded, resting her head back against his chest.

He released a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. He hadn’t messed this up. “We’re ok,” he repeated with a smile.

She felt a weight lift off her chest as he repeated her words. She hadn’t messed this up. “Castle…” she looked up at him. “That wall I told you about? It’s coming down,” she told him.

“I’d like to be here when it does,” he told her seriously.

She bit her lip again as she smiled slightly. “Maybe…we can knock the rest of it down together?”

“You mean…?” he trailed off with his question, wanting to make sure they were understanding each other since they seemed to have issues actually communicating with anything beyond subtext.

“I mean together,” she nodded. “I’m tired of waiting. We’ve both waited long enough, don’t you think?”

Her words brought a smile to his face. “Together…” he murmured, leaning down to kiss her, this one much slower and more gentle than the last.

She smiled against his lips, her hands sliding up his back to pull him closer as she returned his kiss. "So...can I drive your Ferrari now?" she asked softly with a smile.

He chuckled at that. "Kate, you can drive my Ferrari whenever you want," he promised, kissing her again.

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Who’s gonna break?

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

xxxxx

So this fic didn’t exactly go way I had envisioned it when the idea struck me, but I’m still pretty pleased with how it turned out.

And now I can go back to writing the newest chapters for Hell Hath No Fury and It

Started With a Kiss.

I hope you all enjoyed this little angsty piece. I look forward to your comments!

#castle #caskett #kate beckett #richard castle #castle fanfiction

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