#maybe i'll feel better about it later

[spiralshells]

You were not meant to see the mess inside

[crabsnpersimmons]

i was meaning to reply to some asks today, but then the anxiety hit

so i'm gonna take it easy for the rest of the day. i'll be okay, i just need some rest

for now, here are some cake roll inspired DCA OC doodles i did before the anxiety hit

their names are Beri (a strawberry cake roll) and Cheri (a black forest cake roll) and they are 6 inches tall

[bonefall]

I personally like Thunder's prosthetic. Explained it to my friend (who does use a mobility device, a cane and wheelchair, and listens to me rant and infodump about BB) and they agreed, it's important to know that not every person needs what someone wants to give them. It's another example of "bad ableist person does a thing that hurts a disabled person because they are bad and ableist".

Clear Sky got Jagged Peak killed and would have killed Sunlit Frost! He would absolutely force his disabled son to be "normal" and present it like a privilege. "I wouldn't do this for anyone else, it's special, why don't you want to be helped?"

Thunder Storm should toss it in Clear Sky's face. (I would say toss it into the river but we do not pollute waterways in this house)

Thank you for telling me this, and tell your friend I'm thanking them too! If they have anything else to add please forward what they have to say

Since BB!DOTC tackles some of the heaviest topics in the entire series because its canon equivalent is so dark, I think very carefully about what I do here and how I show it. I take feedback on its sensitive aspects very seriously. If I'm understanding the criticism properly, it's that I should avoid stigmatizing prosthetics by making sure Thunder Storm's not the only one with it-- which he's not! And I'll add even more.

I don't want to avoid something only because it's uncomfortable if the topic is important, and my portrayal is respectful. Ableism IS uncomfortable! There are some situations where a prosthetic is not wanted! I think the rejection of this particular one is both a good opportunity to show a type of ableism and ALSO is very fitting for the characters.

In BB!Clear Sky's mind, the villain, he's fixing an old mistake. He can't admit that he got Jagged Peak killed or take REAL accountability for it (though he will, occasionally, apologize insincerely), but deep in his bones, he knows what he did was cruel. He'll never tell anyone this because he doesn't really cognate it himself, but Thunder Storm NEEDS to take his gift.

If Thunder doesn't take it, it blows a hole in his newest story. You see, throwing Jagged Peak out was All That Could Have Been Done back then. It was a Tragedy and he simply Made A Hard Choice. He regrets it very much, But You Have To Understand.

But now? Now? Well, behold. Look at what he's accomplished since the tragic death of his little brother. His cats are well-fed, cared for, and stable enough to make such incredible advancements. If only Jagged Peak had been able to hold on longer, if only he could be here now, I could fix him.

Just like I can (MAKE YOU JUST LIKE ME) fix you.

"Everything I've ever done is for Jagged Peak. For Fluttering Wing. For you." Thunder Sky is SPECIAL, but if he rejects any gift, tries to turn down the "privileges" offered to him, in an instant that becomes ungratefulness and arrogance. He both forces him to be special, and then leverages it against him if it's rejected. "Spoiled brat, doesn't appreciate what I've worked so hard to give him."

It all goes back to him and his own guilt. He can NEVER be wrong. He can't accept his family doesn't have to be "normal" or reflect his own ability. He won't see himself as a bully, let alone a murderer. It was never about his son's comfort or finding out what Thunder Storm wants or needs, it was about his own ego.

...All that said I'm still taking feedback if there's anything else I should keep in mind, or if anyone has a counter point, especially if you also have experience here.

(In the interest of having a link trail for posterity, here's the critique/call for feedback this is in response to)

[hooffuloftootsierolls]

The “Michael and Lucifer are brothers” came other media having the two be twins. Especially the Netflix Lucifer tv show and the DC comics by Neil Gaiman that the tv show is based on.

Someone giving me an excuse to blabber on about my thoughts and ideas? That only happens in my daydreams! Also I just realized it's spelled Michael not Micheal oop-

I feel like everything can be traced back to Neil Gaiman in someway. Thank you Mr. Gaiman, for giving me more goofy but sad angels.

I haven't seen The TV show or the DC comics, but just the idea alone of these two being twins was enough to make me flesh out Michael's personality and the relationship between the two.

Just kidding : ) Michael wouldn't question Sera, he obeys orders with a morbidly unquestioning loyalty.

I imagine that Michael was the more responsible one, and would try to discourage Lucifer's ideas and dreams, but Lucifer tended to ignore him. Lucifer would cause some kind of havoc, and Michael would be the one to tell the angels. Luci 100% saw him as a buzzkill and a tattletale, and Michael knew his brother was a safety hazard with wings, but I think they still loved eachother.

Which is why it would both break them to have Michael be the one who battled Lucifer and forced him into Hell. Lucifer felt horribly betrayed, and Michael would have been trying to cope with the fact that he drove his own brother out.

I have many ideas for them, so little time to write :(

[silusvesuius]

g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen

[sleepy-aletheas]

Haikaveh and their connection to Nabu Malikata and Deshret

Finally managed to write something down for my beloved Sumeru disasters. It’s a mess written over the course of 4+ hours, I have no idea if I lost the plot or not. My brain just kept going, and I’m not sure anymore if I’m actually putting in more info and explanations, or it’s edited into the text in my mind, but not physically. I’m deciding that it’s not my problem anymore.

Enjoy this mess of a word salad. Freshly picked and all.

Alhaitham is a character driven to take care of himself first before expanding any energy for someone else, not because he couldn’t care less, but because his idealism really is just a more blunt way of establishing boundaries, where to be the most efficient is to take care of his needs first before trying to help others (it does feel like a disconnect between social expectation of ‘over-politeness = good moral citizen’, and ‘straightforward boundary setting = rude selfishness’. Again, different topic for another time). He goes out of his way to help others, even to the possible detriment of himself, because it's the right thing to do, and if anything, Alhaitham very much adheres to deeds that are morally good (he saved Sumeru to keep his peaceful life, sure, but to achieve that everyone needs to have that peace too; he went out of his way to be a bargaining chip in a hostage situation when he really didn’t have to do that; he gives books to Paimon and Isak for them to learn from, and even tries to help Collei with giving select reading material for her to have an easier time with choosing a darshan — those aren’t the actions of someone who couldn’t care less about others or feels contempt at their existence). It is something that he and Kaveh very much have in common, and it’s one of the foundational pieces they mirror — that doesn’t mean they’re opposites / antonyms to each other, but they’re complimentary approaches from two directions to the same problem that need balance to work.

(And I wanna establish something really quickly here. All the God-Kings had their own idea of what Wisdom was; they had their own ways of conducting it and dealing with knowledge. Even as Nahida says that despite Alhaitham having vast knowledge, pushing others away as lesser for not reaching some ideal of genius is limiting himself and making it harder to reach true Wisdom, I do think this is Nahida’s type of Wisdom, and Kaveh fits hers specifically. That doesn’t necessarily mean he would fit with Nabu Malikata or Deshret, but it is a fun thought to entertain while cleaning dishes, that’s for sure)

To me for the longest time, Alhaitham has more in common with Nabu Malikata than he had with Deshret. Not in a visual sense (for all we know; the only thing we’re made aware of is that she had horns and was beautiful like all Seelie were), but more in the way he goes about everything.

I think people tend to fall into the preconception that him being calm and deadpan means he doesn’t care for anyone or anything. Alhaitham is called lazy and cruel too flippantly by too many people, when in-game him is very much not that (but I suppose that is a different conversation to be had for another time again), which really pushes people away from making any connection between him and NM, because she was revered and perceived as tender and sweet.

The thing with Hoyo’s narrative foil characters in Genshin is that they’re not meant to be 1:1 perfect copies that deviate because of the Traveler. It’s not just for plot reasons, but also because it’s an in-game character study and a self-critique of characters and plot development. How much of it is intentional doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes the curtain is blue because the color is neat, other times we can fish out reasons and metaphors; unless we’re directly told what the intention is, we can make all the theories to soothe our love for what the game is giving us.

Nabu Malikata was a being holding immense wisdom, something she carried from her time in the Heavens when she was a Seelie and presumably an envoy. She has a lot of names under her belt, and a benevolent perception for her desire to help and give reprieve to the ones that needed it. Her ability of premonition pushed her to create Simurgh for when the Cataclysm came around (even thought she couldn’t see past her own death, so there must have been other ways she knew that would happen, but again, different topic). She tried to bestow wisdom on her companions so they could lead their people safely and not provoke Celestia, but she did very much take a liking to Deshret’s desire to rebel against the Heavens. She did die for more than to just give Deshret a way to gain the knowledge he needed, she also made sure it was a lesson for his ambition and outright recklessness he was willing to undergo for his desires (I do wonder if she knew that it would cause Deshret to lose his mind, maybe she wouldn’t have done it this way otherwise; or maybe this had to happen so that someone further down the line, when neither of them lived anymore, would take up where they left off and actually do it right — a necessary sacrifice, so to speak).

What is most likely NM’s quote in Amethyst Crown artifact, this excerpt is fun to think about: “But ‘eternity’ is ultimately a lie. Intoxication and love could only grind memories down to broken dreams.”

Alhaitham is a very much in-the-present type of character. Lingering on the past ceaselessly won’t make the future better, and neither is running up ahead make the past less prone for regrets. Him being a rational person doesn’t mean he doesn’t take into account either past or future, but he knows that chasing either won’t solve anything. He has a very hands-on approach for external problems, and a delicate slower untangling of his inner workings; he tries to better himself from his past mistakes, but he won’t limit himself for a future what-if. NM had a lot of longing for the past, but went head-first into helping Deshret once his ambition started to sound good to her.

If anything, Alhaitham is the narrative foil of the two God-Kings that shows their recklessness, their passion and desires, and human brashness. The game keeps showing us how human the gods are, and Alhaitham is a funny mirror to put up to them, cause he’s the storyline deviation, where he is curious, but knows his limits. He helps when needed, guides people for them to find their own truths, but he wants to be just Some Guy. He probably won’t become the next Deshret or another Nabu Malikata, because his goal is a peaceful life, and unless he’s helping others, he won’t go out of his way to chase shadows of ideas that are nebulous in nature.

Then again, it would be a tragic story (or at least a very angst filled plot point) if Alhaitham became the Nabu Malikata of Kaveh’s character arc. Because he does have a penchant for demonstration of his ideas, and he is nowhere above being petty to show his point. He has a soft spot for his loved ones, sure, that doesn’t mean he won’t be more direct on showing them wrong when he deems it needed. (Really, Alhaitham is more a narrative foil to Kaveh who is a narrative foil to Deshret and Nabu Malikata. It's kinda funny to me how this works.)

Hmm, the longer I’m putting this into words, the more obvious it seems to me that he is the narrative opposite of them. He shares similarities of visual motifs (Deshret), and the relatonship dynamic NM and Deshret had (it’s interesting how it’s reflected with him and Kaveh). There is just something about Nabu Malikata that reflects in Alhaitham a lot, be it their more passive approach of situations, or them being big supports (or emotional detriments) to their close companions. It’s hard for me to directly point between their similarities, because it feels too vague to me; I just know that they’re reflected, but I’m not sure how to properly explain it so others can see what I mean.

Now the foil part of Deshret is easier to point out. There are a lot of visual motifs that tie Alhaitham to him; from the unique eyes, his best artifact set being Gilded Dreams, the falcoln/hawk/bird of prey symbolisms tied in the design and constellation. Alhaitham is well versed in many types of knowledge circles outside his primary niche (number 1 nerd of all Sumeru fr), and it wouldn’t be a shock if he let his curiosity win and toss him into a lot of trouble (if not directly overstepping a cardinal sin, deliberately or not). He has reflections of Deshret hidden in him, but the longer I think about it, Alhaitham truly is Nabu Malikata coded.

Maybe it’s also because Alhaitham’s first story quest has him dismantle a hivemind, and think it’s stupid to do to begin with, you know, something that Deshret tried to do (and kinda succeeded, but probably not how he intended). It really shows that just because some characters rhyme in the story doesn’t mean they’re one and the same.

Now Kaveh on the other hand is very much Deshret coded, and it’s fascinating to me.

Visually Kaveh fits the Deshret-inspired look. From being a visually similar (Liloupar thought the Traveler physically looked a lot like Deshret, and Kaveh also has similarities to the Traveler, so I give myself this leeway, thanks), his earrings just being a miniature of deshretian architecture motifs and colors.

Kaveh’s fiery personality could easily fit in too. He has his calm times, his depth, his guilt and self-destructive tendencies to achieve his ideals, but it also is a contrast to his more boisterous and energetic moments, his compassion and passion. He feels for others and tries to help where he can, regardless if it causes more harm to him than not. He holds steadfast to what he believes and refuses to compromise on it, even if he loses everything else in life.

Deshret had a lot of compassion and tried to make people not need gods, elevate them to become independent of divine judgment and law, and be free. He lost his companions, he lost his mind. But he believed he was chasing a good cause, his ideal where no one had to suffer and be separated ever again. He also wasn’t willing to compromise on his ideals.

Both Kaveh and Deshret are connected with the sun — Kaveh being the Light of Kshahrewar, and Deshret literally likened to the sun — and both of them had a hand with mechanisms and architecture (Kaveh created Mehrak — his little light — from an old deshretian core, and his darshan is overall more into mechanisms and technology, not just architecture; and Deshret didn’t only create the Primal Constructs, but he did try to build his ideal utopia that wouldn’t have any “worry, schemes, or slavery”, letting little kingdoms and city-states raise up, so really architecture was also related to him in a way).

With all of this, Kaveh falling down a rabbit hole of trying to help others and get into Trouble wouldn’t be weird or out of character down the line. Even if he mellowed out a bit after Parade of Providence, he is a firm follower of his ideals, and no matter how bad of an idea it would be, he most likely would jump headfirst into problems if it meant helping solve another problem entirely.

His connection to Nabu Malikata is also pretty obvious. His best artifact set is Flower of Paradise Lost, and him being connected to art makes it easy to connect him to her in that regard too. Of course then there is his constellation, Paradisaea (who could thematically fit both Nabu and Deshret, but shh), especially his c6: Pairidaeza’s Dreams, which is a direct call back to Nabu Malikata and her Orchard of Pairidaeza. It really shows that even if Kaveh has a lot in common with Deshret, NM’s dreams are more in direct reflection with Kaveh’s, who tries to make a lasting memory of himself even when he’s long gone, and to keep beauty in the world (a reoccuring theme with Nabu Malikata is the flourishing and dying of flowers, their endless cycle of life and death and rebirth; in the artifact Wilting Feast that could be linked to Kaveh’s vision story: “Dreams will always dissolve, their landscapes fated to collapse — this is the true meaning of the blooming flowers. Only by suffering through the destruction of a god’s delusions can humanity learn to rise against divine will…”, it connects the rise and fall of something precious, knowing that there will come a new one after that).

Well, I’m losing the plot now.

I wanted to dabble into some gods that connect to them from irl (Amun-Ra, Osiris, Thoth, Ma’at..) and that became a mess even to conceptualize for this, especially since it made me slip into dissecting Sumeru as a whole, and that’s a lot. I love myself, I’m not gonna do that at 4.50am, thanks.

Could I’ve been more detailed and explore it better? Yes. But I struggle with my head lately, and I’m teetering on the edge of madness, I should stop while it still makes a lick of sense. I might eventually revisit this and expand when I have the mental space, because this is fun and can go more detailed (read: unhinged), the potential is all there.

[mypeggableromance]

.

[my-beloved-lakes]

I see a lot of people I knew from school posting pictures on their social medias with all their friends doing various fun things together. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at home wishing I could take a group photo with all my Tumblr mutuals to post so I can brag about having the best friends.

[camels-pen]

(i haven't read Whole Cake in a while, and i never really watched it, so bear with me)

I'd love to write a fic with Usopp on Whole Cake. it'd be sooo fucking long and i'd need to refresh myself on the entire arc, but god i'd probably be so satisfied when it's done. specifically for having brought a single moment in my head to life, but we'll get to that.

On Zou, he insists to be taken along on the Sanji rescue team and has worked himself up with a whole bunch of very good reasons as to why he should go there instead of helping in Wano, but of course Luffy just immediately accepts with a "yeah sure"

With Whole Cake, I think he'd be flipping between having fun as part of the idiot trio/quartet (Luffy, Chopper, Carrot), and being terrified with Nami. There wouldn't be that many differences in the arc as a whole, though; some things would be easier/better and some things would be worse- I don't necessarily think Usopp's presence would be overall an advantage or disadvantage, just different. Like, major events would stay mostly the same, but little details would change and maybe those little details would build to a far more drastic change-

for example, maybe one of Big Mom's kids considers themself a great sniper and wants a match with Usopp, or is motivated to work harder because Usopp is around and they want to take him out and boast about it. Maybe it means Sunny takes more damage than canon, or maybe Usopp's help means less damage to Sunny. (idk if i'd really do smth like this, but it's just an example)

skjdhf fuck i'm really not equipped to try and figure this out when i don't remember shit from Whole Cake aaaa

I do know that, despite his penchant for talking and rambling, I'd probably have Usopp be dead silent after his initial shock when Sanji fights Luffy. Everything about that is the same, except Usopp is just watching Sanji the whole time- not panicking, not moving, and not speaking. He doesn't say a word the entire time, doesn't even make a sound, and that, along with Luffy's words and Nami's begging, stick with Sanji.

(Usopp is thinking of his own fight with Luffy in Water 7, he's partially wondering if this was what it was like- if it was this painful to watch from the sidelines- and partially knowing he doesn't have to say a word, because he knew, like he knew back then, that it didn't matter what was said. It wasn't quite the same, but he could tell in the way Sanji moved, in the way he spoke and held himself, that he was putting on a front, trying to be brave in all the wrong ways. Usopp didn't say a word to Sanji because there was nothing he could say that Sanji himself didn't already know. Should've known. And his quiet, direct stare, was more than enough.)

the singular moment i really wanna write, is a scene where Sanji is apologizing for dragging them into his mess- either during the big meeting in Bege's castle or some other time- and Usopp's like "I'll do what you can't, you do what I can't, right?" and Sanji pauses, a little confused, until he remembers Enies Lobby and a stupid mask and cape and-

and tears are gathering in his eyes now, fuck, but he laughs a little. It sounds wet and his face is itchy and they're surrounded by tentative allies, but he- he laughs again and he says, "Fuck, you remembered that?"

Usopp shrugs, a little smile on his face. "They were some wise words from a wise man."

Sanji laughs a third time. "You think I'm wise?"

And they banter a little more before Bege tells them to quit it since they're on a time constraint or something. Quietly, Usopp will ask, "It-it helps. On bad days. And I figured, 'what's a worse day than this?' Ah, not that you getting married would ever be bad per se-"

"Usopp," Sanji says, looking more relaxed and settled. He smiles fondly and grabs his friend in a one armed hug, crushing him to his side. "Thanks."

And yeah, don't remember much beyond that, except the whole "hiding and then busting out of the cake" bit, which would mean Usopp in a cute little tuxedo or smth- maybe with a fedora aaaaaa <- loves fedoras- helping out with the fighting and eventually sailing with everyone to Wano.

He would be so distressed about fixing up Sunny now that the whole thing with Whole Cake is over. Maybe there'd be a gag about him promising Franky to take good care of Sunny while they were gone and being confident, after being Franky's tinkering partner and learning from him over time, that he could handle minor repair work much better than he did the first time around with Merry. And so when he finally takes in all the very-not-minor repairs he has to do, he's certain Franky is gonna strangle him for not keeping his promise. Probably also try to write in some nostalgic 'repairman Usopp' vibes from pre-Water 7.

Also something something, Sanji, wanting to do more for the crew bc he still feels guilty about Whole Cake, decides to take it upon himself to help Usopp not fall into a whole anxiety spiral about the ship. In turn, Usopp ends up helping Sanji not feel so guilty- usually by handing his own words back to him on a silver platter. And, yknow, having the two of them bonding and being buddies again like they so rarely get to be in canon nowadays qwq

[byanyan]

anyway i'm back from a walk but i'm tired and sore and still pissed after that appointment so. i'm gonna answer a dynamic ask on the multi and then probably bury myself in my dumb video games for the rest of the day

[thesarcasticism]

YEAH I WROTE A FUCKIN SHINJIRO IN THE ANSWER FIC. IS ANYONE SURPRISED?

go read it if you want to or don't if you don't.

[iwonderwh0]

What's a little comforting is that people with terminal insomnia don't live as long as I have been already living with mine. At least that's what I've been told

[medicinemane]

Honestly a lot of the time, it's not even about people having to agree with me, it's about needing to know that they actually heard and listened to what I had to say even if it didn't persuade them

Just... some basic indication that there's enough respect to give a shit about what I said, and also to make sure that they disagree because they actually disagree and not cause they just didn't bother listening

It's all I really ask

[nobodybetterlookatme]

I've been working more events lately and I keep getting paired with one specific medic and some of my other coworkers told me that it's bc he's an asshole and everyone else hates working with him and apparently all his attempts at being a jerk to me have flown right over my head and I've therefore had no complaints so that's why my supervisor keeps partnering us up 😂😭

[genesisvirus]

oh. well that short leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

[wanderingmind867]

I want to know about mythologies besides the ones rick riordan covered, but it's hard to get into it without his writing style. Or without the writing styles of some of the people he promotes. Like, the rick riordan presents books can be good. But i haven't read many of them. Maybe when the school year returns in september i'll get around to reading some of those books (i am a bit nervous for going back to school for full days, but i can vent about that again later).

Because i do want to know more about Indian mythology, Aztec mythology, Mayan mythology, Celtic mythology, etc. Because besides knowing some names from these pantheons (like Quetzalcoatl and Shiva and some others), I don't actually know much about them. And that's a shame. At the very least, I want an easily digestible guide to mythology sorted by country and continent and culture and all that. That would be helpful for someone like me.