#maybe i'll add the screenshots later

[viluchen]

SCREENSHOT REEEDRAAAWWWW

(my pencil got weird after i sharpened it lol)

[shallowseeker]

The destruction of the family diner in SPN's 14x13 Lebanon:

So many family & Dean symbols

Zachariah appears in front of a GARAGE (Al's Automobile Garage - Automobile Repairing). The light spotlights closed wooden doors, a callback to Castiel's arrival.

Papers and wrappers blow in the wind. There's a shopping cart with a big tire in it. Shopping is another family motif.

Cas joins him from the side of the shopping cart. (Combat isn't Zach's strong suit, I'm guessing, so he needs a specialist with him at all times.)

The next shot includes more CHECKERBOARDED patterned papers, a call-forward to the family unit/family diner. They're restaurant wrappers, strewn about like garbage, the specter of the trampling of the family diner.

Zachariah is disgusted by it, shaking his foot like it's dog poop.

"Earth. You're always stepping in something."

///

Dean's family diner

Zachariah and Cas enter the diner. The triangular neon sign "PSYCHIC" is lit up behind them, its eye peering at the audience. (I think it's a callback to Pamela, anther one of Dean's first contacts with Cas.)

This family diner is a pizza parlor called Big Little B&E Palace Pizza & Pasta. (Or something like that; probably just B&E.) To quote Shaggy from Scoobynatural, it's "like, a great Italian pizza place."

Also B&E -> like "breaking and entering."

///

The menu's got something for everyone:

The Classic Italian, The Greek, the Bacon Double Cheeseburger (Dean), Deluxe Hawaiian (Jack), Garden Veggie (Sam), Super Supreme.

Next to the menu, there's a bronze Roman warrior bust.

On the wall, two coats hang among the mass of coats, touching -- a gray one reminiscent of Dean's dead guy robe and something khaki-tan like Cas's.

///

Cut to Cas, directly positioned in front of the menu and next to the warrior bust. Cas will be shot in view of this threatening bust for much of this scene.

Zach orders Cas to get ready to murder everyone. The lights above the cashier counter burst. We get a shot of Cas powering up that bears some resemblance to the shot of Godstiel at the end of season 6.

When he powers up the windows of the family pizza diner light up, garnering the attention of Sam and Dean, who happen to be RIGHT OUTSIDE 528 B & E.

///

Shot of Cas powered up and ready to kill. The Roman soldier bust remains in the shot.

Enter Sam and Dean.

When Dean calls for Cas, the bust drops from the shot, but only for a second. Instead, we see more of the family diner menu. However, when Dean pleads, "Cas, you know us!" Cas hardens.

"I don't know you." And suddenly, the bust is back in the shot.

Dean's expression is like whiplash. Ow.

"Kill them."

Warrior--pizza--Cas. It's a mockery of Dean's family.

///

The fight & destruction of Dean's family diner

Cas attacks Dean first--throws him into two silver serving trays.

Cut to Zachariah choking Sam...in front of sailboats from Italy, Lago di Garda. (Famously, Lake Garda has something for everyone with its colorful towns, majestic castles, ancient Roman ruins, sun-kissed beaches, vineyards, amusement parks, and historical sites.)

These paired sails bring to mind Mary & John. Or Dean & Cas.

Side note: Absolutely hilarious that Zach blames Sam for the disturbance. Dean is the one who made the wish.

///

Dean is on the defense, but whacking Cas with a silver platter is pretty much like hammering an unmovable wall. Cas just keeps coming. He backhands Dean face-first into a brick wall.

Side sidenote: I'm glad the boys' angel blades hadn't disappeared yet. A few minutes later and the timeline might've eaten them, leaving the boys defenseless.

Side side sidenote: Although Dean favors Cas with the blunt end of the angel blade, quickly getting disarmed in the process, Sam's not that nice. After dispatching Zach, he attacks Cas with the pointy end.

Cas punches Sam in the face...and then backhands Dean again. Sam comes for more, gets the vector of his blade blocked, and gets choked again.

Cas throws Sam into one of the family diner table, spilling the meal the three Lebanon friends had been enjoying. The destruction of the family meal. The tablecloth is the same checkerboard pattern than Zach trampled earlier.

Elbow to Dean's face. Dean gets thrown into the shelf of dishes. The glasses on the top shelf shatter. Both white mugs fall, too. Everything shatters, and Dean falls into the glass. The destruction of the metaphorical kitchen, the domestic space with coffee cups.

[mikesbasementbeets]

I disagree that bi mike wouldn’t make sense within the show’s canon. I strongly believe it would make MORE sense within the show’s canon for many different reasons, and that 99% of the evidence gay mike truthers try to twist to say explicitly confirms gay mike can coexist and be used to support bi mike without much adjusting. I think when you carefully analyze seasons 1 through 4 it’s pretty clear that mike had genuine romantic feelings for El at the beginning of the story. And there’s a lot of subtle things that support a bi mike reading. I think a significant portion of aggressive anti-bi mike theories are rooted in either biphobia, a misunderstanding of the nuances of what it means to be bi, or a desire to avoid having to accept mike’s early canon romantic feelings for El (enshrined into the scripts) cause that would mean accepting that it’s a love triangle. I think gay mike makes sense but it is in no way the only sound theory. And I’m not talking about headcanons, I’m talking about the text of the show

ok i know i said earlier i would respond to this in full but honestly there is WAY too much i could get into and this topic has been discussed to death at this point and i’m not interested in starting discourse again, so i’m really gonna try to be brief (spoiler alert, i failed). first of all, here’s my own gay mike analysis from months ago, back when i personally hadn’t seen any actual analysis about it yet and decided to just go through and analyze the show myself. many others have written much more thorough and articulate analyses, so i encourage anyone to seek those out if you’re really interested in developing an informed opinion about it. but if you’re already convinced one way or another, i’m probably not going to change any minds here, because this has all been said before.

the one thing i’m actually going to try to address here is the claim that mike was at some point genuinely romantically attracted to el, because as far as i can tell, that is the ONLY actual argument FOR bi mike. i haven’t seen anyone ever give evidence or try to argue that mike has shown attraction to any other specific woman or to women generally. if i’m wrong about that, please point me to that analysis (don’t tell me about bi flag colors around him though bc those three colors show up together everywhere in the show and are not specific to mike in any way, i don’t think that’s relevant “evidence”). also, i’m not looking at the scripts here, because i’m really only interested in ACTUAL CANON and the literal content of the show itself overrides any partial, text drafts of it, which is what scripts are. they are written for the specific purpose of filming the show and do not provide full and complete context (and what we are TOLD in this show does not always line up with what we are SHOWN).

just to be absolutely clear, i think that (disregarding the mountains of both textual and subtextual evidence of his LACK of attraction to women) mike having shown genuine romantic attraction to even one woman would be enough for him to be legitimately canonized as bisexual, but in all my understanding and analysis of the show, he has not.

from what i understand, bi mike truthers believe that mike had genuine romantic feelings for el in the earlier seasons that either faded over time or just never evolved past the initial childhood crush stage. i’ve addressed the latter idea before (in a post i can't find rn), but to sum up, crushes on people of a different gender, especially in youth, and during times when one is unsure of or figuring out one’s sexuality are COMMON among gay people. having a childhood crush is not the same thing as having genuine romantic feelings, and therefore is not valid evidence toward any particular sexuality. the insistence that it is concrete evidence of bisexuality is rooted in homophobia and a fundamental misunderstanding of the nuance of gay identity.

the first claim though, that he did have genuine romantic feelings in the beginning, but they faded over time, is what i’m going to focus on. i touched on this in my analysis linked above, but i’m going to try to explain again here. mike’s feelings for el have always been demonstrated with extreme consistency throughout the seasons. after their initial meeting and once mike learns to trust her, each time mike has been in a position to tell el how he feels about her, from season one all the way through to season four, he has behaved in the exact same way: he has struggled to put his feelings into words, refusing to outright claim romantic feeling or intent, and ultimately failed to communicate with el in a way she understands.

similarly, when faced with expressing romantic affection toward or about her, he has behaved with confusion, discomfort, and outright rejection of others’ assumptions of his romantic feelings. (read the analysis for more specifics on this)

each of these times is also rife with familial coding and parallels that subtextually explain WHY he is struggling to either voice or demonstrate romantic attraction. for just one specific example, in the first season, right before their first kiss, mike begins to excitedly describe the relationship that the two of them are about the have with each other (in not so many words) as one of a brother and sister. when el correctly infers this implication from his words, he grows confused, because he had been told previously by lucas, dustin, and even nancy, that his feelings for el were romantic. but he relents, and agrees that that is what his description meant. immediately after their first kiss, during which el is dressed in his sister's clothes, and which mike initiates when he can't find the words to express romantic attraction to her, his first word is.... "nancy." and later, when el is weak from killing the lab people who've been chasing them, mike repeats his earlier promise: that when all this is over, his family will become hers.

this is one thing that i genuinely can’t understand when it comes to the idea that mike ever truly liked el romantically. almost (if not) ALL of their interactions, especially in season one, have some sort of parallel to a familial relationship for one or both of them, on top of many of their interactions blatantly referencing the concept of the two of them being like family to one another. the absolute volume of these instances and the unyielding consistency of this pattern, again, beginning from the very first episode of season one and continuing all the way through season four, means that it is undoubtedly intentional. with that in mind, i cannot see any reading of their relationship that leaves room for genuine romantic feelings, when ALL of the subtext, FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, overwhelmingly presents them as family.

i’m not going to get way into the subject of compulsory heterosexuality because i could go on forever and i don’t want to, but the timeline of events in el and mike’s relationship arc makes it very clear that that's what’s happening. for el, her arc of independence is (not solely, but still) intrinsically tied to her relationship with mike. for mike, his struggle with his sexuality, specifically his lack of attraction to girls concurrent with his present attraction to boys (MOST presently Will), coincides directly with his relationship arc with el. i’m just going to link a couple of my screenshot posts where i've attempted to demonstrate this, bc i can't find it in me to explain all the nuances of comphet and the complex way these three characters' narratives have been intertwined (i'm bad at tagging so i can't find many, but here, here, here)

you might want to argue against my above points with scenes like the snowball dance, where he calls her beautiful and kisses her, or the make out scene in season three. but both the familial coding/parallels and the overarching themes of forced conformity (aka compulsory heterosexuality) associated with the snowball in my view completely changes the context behind the surface narrative of a “sweet romantic moment,” especially when you consider the coinciding narrative of mike’s relationship with will and the subtext of what that dance means for both of them. similarly, that make out scene, which can also be read as further evidence of mike’s discomfort with physical affection with el, as well as the overall arc of their entire season 3 relationship, is presented to be directly relevant to (specifically, in direct contrast with) mike’s evolving relationship with will, which IS genuinely romantic.

when i say that bi mike would be bad representation, this is what i mean. his “attraction” to el is consistently directly related to and contrasted with his relationship with will, coding his feelings for girls (most specifically the one girl for whom he has ever shown potential for romantic attraction) as lesser than his feelings for boys (specifically will, but ALSO OTHER MEN). bi rep that prioritizes and values attraction for one gender AT THE EXPENSE of attraction for another feels like an extremely problematic representation of bisexuality, if that's really what they are trying to portray. and this is not even getting into the countless subtextual clues that mike specifically DOES NOT LIKE GIRLS. (our son with a girl?, it’s not my fault you don’t like girls, el? sorry not interested, disgusted face next to “women in science,” blatant lack positive of response to “phoebe cates only hotter,” women’s room GET OUT, boys only, blatant and continued confusion over lucas and dustin’s attraction to max, "trying to solve the mystery of the female species" *LOUD BELCH* etc etc these are just off the dome and these are things that DO NOT WORK as queer coding if mike IS attracted to girls but VERY MUCH DO if he is gay. and there are SO MANY of them. more than that, if he is attracted to girls, then they are examples of the show consistently belittling that attraction, which again feels like a pretty shitty way to do bi representation)

god there’s so much more to this, but i can’t get into every little thing because it would take forever. literally there is SO MUCH evidence against it that i genuinely feel that the narrative would not make sense anymore if mike were revealed to be bi in season 5.

just to address a couple other things you said: i think the reason anti bi mike theory might sometimes come off as aggressive is because when one actually analyzes the entire content of the show, the evidence for specifically gay mike is OVERWHELMING and the claim that there is just as much evidence for bi mike remains unsupported, unsubstantiated, and at a certain point comes off as just willfully ignoring canon and even, at times, homophobic. i always see claims that some gay mike analysis is biphobic, and yet i have never seen any evidence of this. the claim that mike is not attracted to women, despite having been in a relationship with one, IS NOT biphobic. the claim that he is not bisexual, despite many people believing he is and wanting that representation, is NOT biphobic. the claim that his feelings for el have always been platonic and not romantic is NOT biphobic. it is an analytical conclusion based on the content of the show itself. i don’t doubt that some gay mike truthers have been biphobic, but i have not seen any actual gay mike ANALYSIS that is specifically biphobic (if you can provide concrete evidence, i will recant this, but i know that i and others have been careful not to resort to any sort of stereotyping or attempts at “analysis” that are rooted in biphobia). conversely, the claim that mike being in a romantic relationship with a woman and behaving romantically with her is PROOF that he is bisexual IS inherently rooted in homophobia and again, a misunderstanding of the nuance of what it means to be gay. i know (or assume, i guess) that most bi mike truthers aren’t outright thinking this way, and really believe mike’s romantic feelings to have been genuine, but as i and many others have tried to explain, when you do what the show is constantly telling you to do and look deeper than the surface level narrative, all of the canonical evidence from mike’s relationship with el actually explicitly and unambiguously points to the fact that his romantic interactions with her were NOT a result of genuine attraction, but rather a result of compulsory heterosexuality and a part of the natural process of figuring out his sexuality.

you also claim gay mike theorizing could come from "a desire to avoid having to accept mike’s early canon romantic feelings for El" but the fact is that it's not a desire for mike not to have had feelings for el (that assumption playing into the idea that gay mike truthers simply don't want him to be bi, hence the claims of biphobia) but what's actually happening is analysis that leads to the conclusion that he canonically did not have romantic feelings for el. the misconception is that gay mike truthers are simply projecting their own desires onto the text instead of what they're actually doing: critically analyzing it. i'd argue that bi mike truthers are the ones who want to avoid having to accept mike's lack of attraction to women, despite all of the evidence for it.

i've read a lot of analysis on here, from a lot of different perspectives, and i can truly say that every single comprehensive, good faith analysis of mike’s character i've ever seen has come to the same conclusion. he’s gay.

[boilercity]

Sorry for pointing out errors in a game that isn't even finished but it's actually very funny to me that new Boiler City has the same sky sprite alignment error that Cinnamon Springs had. Where the front layer doesn't actually go down to the bottom of the screen and you can see where it cuts off if there's not ground in front of it. Lol.

[wildflowercryptid]

my 16 year old self has escaped from the recesses of my soul and is losing it over persona 3 again

[frostios]

amy and rouge duo mean so much to me btw

[bi-disastersoup]

R'alma Crissen Lore Masterpost

Hi! Let me introduce you to the complicated mess that is my WoL. I like to write about him frequently, but I'm still developing him as a character. This will probably be updated as I come up with new lore for his personality/backstory.

Wol vs Azem sheet Azem's Familiar Design (or Why Does R'alma Have a Tail?) Azem Lore Masterpost

The Basics

Name: R'alma Crissen Race: Rava Viera (technically not actually, see below) Gender: Male Pronouns: He/Him (They/Them is acceptable for the confused) Sexuality: Definitely Gay (and Maybe Bi, unknown)/Probably Demisexual Height: 5'7" Age: 26(ish? I guess?) Nameday: 32nd Sun of the Fourth Umbral Moon (Aug 31st) Birthplace: Thanalan Tribe: Raptor Family: R'crissen Nunh (father) R'manafa Jhaz (mother) Combat Jobs: BLM/DRK/RPR/DNC/SGE (in that order) Non-combat Jobs: BTN/ALC

The Beginning

Alma Crissen was born a Miqo'te to the Raptor tribe of the Seekers of the Sun. She spent her entire childhood in Thanalan, and because of this she considers the region to be her home. She had long black hair streaked with red, and mismatched eyes, one dark green and one bright teal. Her skin was pale for a Sunseeker, since she spent most of her time indoors studying rather than out hunting with the rest of the tribe.

Her tribe and family were largely hunters of great skill and renown, known for their marksmanship with a bow. R'alma, however, showed an incredible affinity for magic and spellcraft rather than martial prowess, which made her feel like an outcast in the tribe. While no one went to any lengths to make her feel unwelcome, neither was there anyone from which she could learn to wield her magicks. And so, feeling as if on some level she didn't quite belong, she dreamt of the day she would set out on her own to find her place in the world.

She only made it as far as Ul'dah before her destiny found her and swept her away on what would prove to be the journey of a lifetime.

The Reincarnation

After the disaster with the Crystal Braves in Ul'dah, R'alma was thoroughly distraught and in a very bad place mentally. Unsure if she'd be able to return there to continue her studies as a black mage, she instead took up the greatsword and began her journey down the path of the dark knight.

It was also around this time that she met a shady peddler in Ishgard selling potions that he claimed were supposed to reveal the true nature of a person's soul. Not being in the right mindset to make decisions, and believing the man when he said the effect was only temporary, she bought and took one. As it turns out, the potion did exactly as advertised. The effect was not, however, temporary, and R'alma spent the next several years in the body of an Auri woman.

As an Au Ra, R'alma's skin was a dark, vibrant red, with dark scales and horns, and brilliant amber-yellow eyes. Her hair was still red-streaked black, the only feature to have stayed in the transformation.

It wasn't until her travels to Othard and the Azim Steppe some time later that she learned why her transformation had been permanent. As it turned out, her soul was from the Dotharl tribe of the Xaela, but had been somehow displaced during reincarnation. Sadu of course recognized her right away and gave her the name that she had been previously known by. R'alma preferred to continue going by the name given her by the parents that had raised her, however, and kept the Dotharl name secret.

Apollo's Gift

Sometime after the events of 5.3, R'alma decided to try experimenting with attuning to Azem's memory crystal, similar to how she did with Fray/Esteem during her training as a dark knight. In doing so, she was actually able to connect to him subconsciously across time. They spoke together several times, during which she learned that his name was Apollo, that he had vivid dreams of his myriad future lives (hers included), and that while biologically male, he often identified as female depending on his mood and disposition, hence why Hades and Hythlodaeus would often refer to Azem as "she".

Eventually, as matters with the Telophoroi were coming to a head and the journey to Sharlayan drew near, Apollo insisted that R'alma needed to stop contacting him, that she needed to live her own life in the present rather than constantly looking back to the past. As a parting gift, he offered to use his creation magic to alter her body into something more closely resembling his, so that she would have something to remember him by. The new form kept her signature red-tipped black hair, as well as one of her yellow eyes, and the bright teal one from her Miqo'te form that matched his own, giving her ties not only to his past but also to hers as well.

The body that Apollo gave her was that of a familiar that he had been working on designing. Though that was the official story, the reality was just a bit more selfish. In truth, Apollo knew that R'alma would be traveling to the past and meeting both Hades and Hythlodaeus in Elpis, and he wanted it to be in a form that they would recognize and feel comfortable around. Hythlodaeus was aware of Apollo's familiar concept, and would recognize it immediately as his, especially if it was running around with a soul of the same color.

And that is how R'alma ended up as a male Viera-but-not-really with a fluffy tail and cat eyes. In tribute to Azem, and because he is now biologically male, he prefers to go by male pronouns. I hesitate to call him trans, only because the decision was not one that he made himself for actual identity reasons, so.... It's Complicated™.

Aether-Searing

Dark arcane markings twisted and flowed in seemingly random patterns up the front of his torso, spread across his narrow shoulders, spilled down his back, and snaked down both arms. It was an artistic mixture of constellations, mathematical diagrams, and rudimentary symbology that he had somehow managed to keep largely under wraps. Some of the markings were purely arcane in nature, designed as a focus or enhancement for his spellcasting. Most of them, however, told a story or represented some important event from his travels. Much of it was likely indecipherable at the moment due to his injuries, though. All the same, it clearly made for quite the spectacle. "By the Twelve," Alphinaud breathed in awe. "What in–" "Aether-searing," R'alma cut in by way of explanation, his voice feeling thick and uncharacteristically gravelly in his throat. He cleared it before going on, but the thickness remained. "Been working on it for a while. Since we first came here. Different symbols and images that have meaning to me." Moving gingerly, so as not to aggravate his joints, he reached up and tapped his collarbone, where a line twisted and snaked like a ribbon in between an arrangement of simple shapes in varying size and orientation, about eight in total. "This one is us. The people I care about most, wrapped up together in a thread of fate."

He went quiet then, partly because talking sapped what little energy he still had, and partly from embarrassment. This time he could feel the warmth creep into his cheeks as his mismatched eyes stayed trained pointedly on the floor. This wasn't something for anyone else to see, necessarily. He’d done it mostly for himself, and for those whose stories he felt needed to be told, to be remembered. Aether-searing wasn't exactly a pleasant experience, but it was far from painful, and it allowed him to paint the canvas of his skin in private, without the need of another party's expertise or input. It was a technique he'd found detailed in a book in Noumenon shortly after their arrival, and it had served his needs perfectly for an idea that had been formulating in his head for quite a while.

The arcane tattoos that R'alma now sports on his body is an ongoing project that he's been working on since shortly after arriving in Old Sharlayan. As further tribute to Azem, and to all the Ancients who came before, as well as many of the people he'd met himself on his travels, and even to himself, he has committed his body as a canvas for telling the stories that need to be remembered. The symbols are designed in such a way that only he knows what they mean, dreamed up and applied in a stream-of-consciousness sort of manner. Two actual phrases in Eorzean script can be found among the mysterious artwork: "Remember Us" along his back, and on his shoulder "Listen to our heartbeats".

Many of the symbols right now, however, are purely arcane in nature and are meant to help focus his magic. There are a few larger, blockier shapes on his arms that he added just to get rid of the lingering feeling of Zenos inhabiting his body, and that he intends to remove or replace once the memory of that experience has faded enough.

[ifyougochasingrabbits]

TW: Death mention. Feat. Meloran Dowell

Meloran felt his leaden gaze barely slide over to acknowledge the familiar flash of white in his peripherals, only for them to snap back towards the figures below. Maybe if he ignores her, she'll cease to exist. Despite this, his voice escapes him right as she passes, "Been a while. Where might you be headed?"

White stopped mid-skip, her head whirled around at the sound of his voice. The corners of her lips slowly curled into an eye-squinty smirk as her foot planted itself on the ground, but not for long. She strolled on over, swaying side to side. "Nowhere! I was walkin'. Around. Are you people watchin'?" She slapped her hands onto the railing, lifting her head to peer down at whoever might be below.

Meloran released a breath slowly through his nose. "Mm," he grunted in agreement, hand raising to slip deft fingers into his curly locks. He rubbed at his scalp, muttering low, voice rolling, "Aint much happening."

White rolled her eyes over his head, looking from his curls down to his face. She turned, leaning her hip against the railing, lazily tossing her hands up with a shrug. "Everyone's out watchin' the fights. Why aren't you? I thought you liked watchin' people." She swung a weak curled right-handed fist, swinging it out in front of her. "Knockin' the shite out of other. People."

Meloran felt the answer would become readily apparent to her as his gaze languidly shifted to take her in. Watching him gave the initial impression that he was bored, restless... the speed in which he moved told a different story. Not all there, not one bit. He cleared his throat, golden hues snapping back to any kind of movement down below. "Didn't feel like it today," He sniffed, tongue clicking against his teeth. Watching her punch the air seemed impossibly funny. Meloran couldn't seem to will himself to laugh, however. "Why aren't you watching the fights?"

White upon meeting his gaze lifted not one, but two— both of her brows a little. Only a little. "Sparrow~" she cooed. Taking half a step towards him she jerked herself around, dropping her arms upon the stone half-wall, looking out at wherever he had been. "The same reason as you. I stopped by. I did." Lowering her chin into either palm scrunched up her shoulders. "But it wasn't fun. Not one bit. It doesn't look fun here either. I think your face is startin' to get stuck. Like that."

Meloran blinked, inhaling slow. He worked his jaw from left to right, thinking quietly to himself. He felt himself bristle at the nickname, teeth clenching around a portion of cheek until it hurt. "S'them sitting, have been. Not a peep neither." He grew quiet for a long while, lost in thought. "Wanna walk...?" See if they can't find something interesting to watch.

White looked around. It did seem pretty dead down there. "Not a single one?" Straightening her arms she craned her head back over her shoulder, peering at him in some sideway-almost-upsidedown manner. She stared at him wondering if she heard him right. She did. That smirk of hers returned, growing even wider. "Yes! We can. Walk." With a spin on her heel, she step, step, stepped around him, next to him where she stopped, back to the pillar. "After you~"

Meloran pushed off of the pillar, stepping forward idly. He stopped briefly for a moment, as if considering which direction he'd like to go in. He started off without much word, but a few steps in he stopped--- just to be sure she was following him ---before he continued onwards.

White skipped to catch up, taking wide steps beside him to match his pace. "Can you see where you're goin'?" she teased.

Meloran felt his brow knit at her, a face to follow with a mocking shake of his head. "Can I see where--- Yes. Of course I fuckin' can," he muttered lowly. He stopped on the steps to look out upon the others situated above the court, regarding them with a hazy look. "Mh." He huffed, stepping backwards into the hall with a squinted, paranoid gaze. Disapprovingly grunting, "Uh-mh.... Mh, mh, mh..." Meloran pauses once before he course corrects into the other direction.

White had taken a glance at the people. Then him. His face. Yep, they weren't going to cure his boredom. She followed once again, giggling at his cursing. "Are you sure? I think they're lookin' a bit like tomatoes." Another giggle broke free from between her smirky smile. She let him wander ahead a few steps, waited for him to take half a step more before catching up before he could stop and say anything about her lagging behind. Or he could. "We could go watch paint dry."

"Wh--- Tomatoes...?" Meloran frowned at her giggling, nostrils flaring in distaste. White? Having a laugh at his expense? No, can't be having that. "Where in the city would there be wet paint, s'all mostly brick innit." He kept walking, enjoying the movement... and the conversation, despite his grimaces.

White nodded. "Tomatoes!" Bending at the waist she held her hands behind her back, arms straight. Her voice lowered. "They can get so very red, sparrow." Standing up, she puffed out her chest like the proud little 'rabbit' she was. Her hands fell to either of her sides, giving a shrug. "I'unno. Maybe they're paintin' it. The brick. Somewhere." She swung her hands out in gesturing, letting them fall again. Her right one. She flexed it by her thigh. Slowly. The two middle fingers took longer to follow the others into and out of a fist. Over and over, three times.

Meloran felt his eyes distractedly follow her hands as she moved them, leaden lids blinking heavy and slow. He didn't quite put two and two together, nor did he feel like probing her further on what she meant. Yes. Tomatoes were red. So...? And suddenly he had a craving for biting right into one. A bit of salt... Yeah. That'd make for a good snack. "You feel like searching for wet paint to watch? I don't. So unless we come across it, I guess we're shit out of luck, eh?"

White looked around. At what? Many things. Her arms swung by her sides like a pendulum. "Would you? Really watch paint dry. If we found it?" She grinned up at him, one of those kind that told him she didn't believe she was asking it, but was none the less amused. He was pretty. Amusing. Leaning her head his way she laughed. "What color would you watch?"

"White." Meloran answered, squinting down the steps. He stopped, blinking three times before correcting his answer, "I'd watch white paint dry, not you dry paint." Yeah. Anyway, he made his way down the steps pretty comfortably, looking past the railing as best he could to see what goings on were... going on. "How's about yourself? What color?" Then, in the same breath, "Fuckin hell, every step looks the same." Gods forbid he take a tumble in front of her. So, he rested his hand against the stone. Meloran couldn't quite see past what was at his hip, so if there were anyone lining the wall below he was ignorant of them. "...Is everyone out watching that tournament?"

White opened her mouth to ask wha— oh. Her brows furrowed her face into a puzzled expression. "I'd. Pick— I knew you couldn't see! I did. Do!" Her words fell out among laughter. Pressing her weight into her hands she pushed herself, her feet up off the floor, trying to get a look over the stair's railing. "It was busy! When I went by. Even the fight tree had people. Fightin'. Not as many as the other place." She dropped to the steps, turning around to seat her rump against said railing. "Red." Colors. "Or yellow! No. Orange. If it's on the brick. Blue would be pretty."

"Blue wouldn't match," Meloran muttered, looking down at the carpeted steps. "...Nothin' bright anyway. Red would be too much." Yellow was an idea. Gold and red always looked good together. "I can see," he muttered, making more progress down the stairs. "When everythin' aint lookin' the same as the next."

White watched him head down the stairs, rolling her eyes. He of all people would know what would and wouldn't match. But— "Why not? It can!" She hopped down the stairs step by step from one foot to the other past him, hopping yet again up! Onto the stone. She leaned to the side, waving her hand in front of his face. "You've lived here how long? You should know it like the back of your hand! Or. Are you not payin' attention, little sparrow~?" She teasingly tsked him. Running along her palm, from above the heel of her palm near the padding under her fingers marked a scar. A pink one. Fresh.

Meloran lazily watched her as she hopped up onto the stone banister. "Long enough," he answers, non-committal. "You think about the steps everytime you go down them? I'm fine," he dismissed, his nose scrunching alongside a lip curl. But the moment she waved her hand in front of his face he felt his focus zero in on it. A hand instinctively reached out to snatch her by the wrist, tugging her one way--- then the next when he noticed the scar on her had at closer inspection. Meloran felt his brain struggle to comprehend the addition--- had this always been there? Surely he'd've noticed beforehand... then again, scars on the hand weren't uncommon. Even he had a few nicks here from random, daily tasks. He turned her hand over, observing it. Though whether the information would stick in an addled brain was questionable.

White was easily moved wherever he liked as if she was a pretty little doll jerked one way then the next. She didn't mind, though another puzzled look might make others think differently. That was a them problem. "What. Are you lookin' at? Whatareyoulookin'at?" Halfway through hearing her own question, it dawned on her. Right. He’s looking at that. She folded her fingers over the scar, staring at him. Smiling a stern, knowing smile. "Did you miss my hands? That much." Whatever had gifted her palm with the scar generously gave another on the other side among the valleys and hills of her scales. On first glance, even more after it could easily be missed.

"You know what I'm looking at," Meloran snapped back, brow furrowing. "'Else you wouldn't be hiding it." He had half a mind to pry open her fingers if she played dumb, to dig is thumb in. The scar looked fresh enough, her hands thin enough. It'd hurt if he did it, even if the scales got in the way, he was sure. "How'd you get it?"

White kept. On. Staring. Unflinching as he snapped at her. Her fingers remained folded. "Why do you care." came out with a sharpness at its tip pointingly stabbed at his ears. "Are you jealous, sparrow? That you didn't get to make it?"

Meloran frowned. "You wanted me to see it, elsewise you wouldn't've stuck your hand in my face." He imagines that, that's the closest to displeased he'll ever hear from her. "I could do worse than your hand. What, then? Couldn't keep your mitts off of something you weren't 'sposed to touch, was it?"

White shook her head, letting out a 'nuh-uh'! "I was tryin' to get your attention." She wiggled her head at him. "Not that it's hard to. With you. When you're not over powerin' your nose. Can you even breath?" She hopped right over his words with her own.

Meloran felt more than just a twinge of irritation at her words, something plain as day on his face. Despite himself, he sniffed, dropping her hand as if it'd burned him. "Just fine," he answered. There was something double annoying about the way she evaded his questions. "Fine, then. I've lost interest. I don't wanna know." He does. He really does.

White's hand fell into her lap. Slid off her lap, using it and the other to push off the stair railing she hopped off of. Stepping past him they softly swung forward, back, then forward again, throwing them into the air! Dramatically shrugging before they fell to her side. She twisted halfway, gazing at him over her shoulder. "I fell." It wasn't a lie.

Meloran believed her, at least for now. His addled brain was pleased enough to recieve an answer that questioning the validity of her statement. Later, though, that'll be be a different story. "Trip over yourself doing one of your flamboyant little turns, did you?"

White nodded, her smile forced itself into something wider. Something patronizing. That also wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the full truth. Later him could figure that out. Or not. She didn't care. "The ground can't get enough of me!" she laughed out.

Meloran thought briefly about tossing her down the stairs. He stared off blankly down the steps, deciding against it. "Someday you're gonna get put into it." Was that a joke, or simply a fact? He took a few steps, asking, "...Where would you wanna be buried, if you had the choice?"

White didn't follow, not this time. She just stared. Again. She continued to stare as she silently filled her lungs through her nose. Where was her grave? She asked when he told her, didn't she? ...no, that detail was left out. Because she didn't. It didn't matter.

Meloran continued to step off, totally ignorant to what was going on in White's little head. After it'd been too quiet, he lifted his head to look at her. A groan. "What? Is that what you're squeamish on?"

White lifted her head a little, whatever distance expression that claimed her face blinked away. Literally. She blinked, pausing a beat longer. "Where is she?" Before he had the chance to open his grumpy mouth she clarified as she approached him, "Her grave." He knew who. She knew he knew somewhere in that addled head of his.

Meloran paused, the world coming to a stand still--- and yet it spun in the back of his head. In a split instant he felt his stomach drop, something indiscernible crossing his face. He didn't know who exactly she meant, but in a surreal snap of reality he gained clarity on her question. Wrong she. Right, she. "Lichyard," he answered, quieter than intended, "The girls n' I pay her visits when we can." He wants to question her about it, but for once he held his tongue on the matter.

A puzzled look returned to White's face, a veil that covered a look even she wouldn't be able to explain. It pushed down upon the corners of her smile. The smile was a little stronger, sitting lopsided on her lips. "Why?" she asked, brows furrowed in confused question. "You can't talk to her. She. Can't talk to you. Or them." Her gaze dances across her face as if she could find the answer on it without him speaking. She still wanted him to. White hovered a foot over the step below while she waited.

Meloran felt his face grimace before he processed her words fully. "The fuck do you mean 'why'?" He spat out, the bridge of his nose snarling. "That's what you do when someone's died. You visit them. You think it'd be any better to leave her there, alone, beause she can't talk back? Why even ask where she's been buried?"

White took half a step towards him, staring up at him with a face that might as well ask what pissed in his drink. If he had a drink. "What do you mean, whatdoImean?" She leaned in, closer. An uncertain chuckle slipped free, like she couldn't understand. She didn't. "What's. The point? Of visitin'."

Meloran stood straight, his face pinched and screwed up entirely. This conversation, and subsequently the discomfort it brought, served only to stoke his ire further. He felt smothered by it, half choked on it. It faltered slightly, seeing her face--- and for a moment in his frustration he pitied her for not understanding. He stared down at her, teeth bared, chest beginning to heave. "It's what you do." He paused, trying to think of any other answer, but each brought him dangerously close to being vulnerable. Vulnerable to her. A sign of weakness, some soft thing he knew she'd dig her fingers into. A wound he'd sooner protect by breaking her wrist than allowing her to pick it apart. "Maybe you ought to give it a go yourself, huh? There's no better teacher than experience," he grunted.

White watched and listened. Listened and watched, studying his face. Her own fell some, just a little. She straightened up at his answer and suggestion, but mostly at his suggestion. "That's silly." Jokes on her. "She won't talk back." she added, heading down the step. She veered to their left in the direction of the weaver's guild's aetheryte, listening for whatever harsh, angry reply she expected to spit her way.

Meloran followed after her despite himself, huffing and puffing all the while. "It's not silly," he hissed, "She existed. She was real. She deserves respect for having lived, regardless of whether she speaks back to us or not. That's not the point."

White stopped, then whirled herself around, meeting his gaze. "I know." Came out between a smile. It sure as hell didn't sound it, more like a hammer's head dropped against a table, startling herself to blink. She straightened herself out, letting her arms hang by her sides nonchalant-like. "She. Exisited. Did you forget where I worked? Maybe you'd like to."

Meloran felt his eyes roll back, any further and he's certainly be looking into his own head. "This conversation's over," he stated bluntly, his frustration reaching its peak. Despite how loud the build up was, the moment in which he gave into his rage was strangely quiet. Golden hues fell back onto her, staring down at her with a cold, dead gaze. "S'fucked, thought you two were close enough for you to give at least one, single flying fuck about her after she's passed," he made a face. Meloran leaned in to spit his vitriol at her, mouth more akin to a snarl what with the way his lip curled around each and every word, "You're like every other selfish cunt that really only cares about herself, the dead be damned even in their memory." With that, he stood straight--- only to skulk off like a dark little cloud in some other direction. Clearly not keen on the idea of being followed.

White didn't move. It wasn't a surprise she'd been called every name under the sun at some point, having the standard list circle back around a few times at this point in her life. She'd bet half of it came from him. But she didn't like it this time, a stern look on her face stared back. Her smile faltered. Lowered so much the slight lopsided curl might as well be nonexistent. She didn't say anything as he walked away, her head following him. Watching him until he could no longer be seen. For a bit after she lingered, eyes on the air where his back had faced her. Then she turned and wandered off to who knows where. She wasn't sure yet.

[orteil42]

Cookie Clicker turns 10 today! Having outlived our enemies, let us celebrate with a fresh batch of announcements!

🍪First of all, Cookie Clicker is 40% off on Steam this week! The perfect gift for your loved and/or hated ones! (the web version is still free forever but you don't get Steam achievements or music by C418!)

🍪Secondly! The mobile version has been lagging behind the browser game for years and is in dire need of an update. I've been dedicating most of my time recently to bringing its content up to par! Here's a progress report:

Compared to the current version, this update adds back 284 upgrades and 179 achievements from the web game, which leaves 83 upgrades and 94 achievements still unimplemented plus a good amount of heavenly upgrades. I am determined to close that gap!

Seasons and the pet dragon are currently partially implemented. These are complicated, compound features with side-effects in all kinds of places so once the update gets an alpha release I'll likely be needing everyone's help to hunt for bugs and oversights. I'm being as thorough as possible but there's no way I didn't forget some obscure interplay somewhere!

I'm also updating the UI! Cookie Clicker's interface makes heavy use of woodwork, which is largely absent from the mobile version; I've been aiming to bring it back. Rather than recycling desktop assets, I'm looking to push the game's visual identity towards less "plain wooden boards" and more "victorian biscuit shop" (something I'd have liked to go for when I first made the game but didn't quite know how yet). Here's some early screenshots!

I'm using Blender for the new assets, I might make a more in-depth post about my process in the future. Please note that these are experimental and I'm still fiddling with the look! Once I'm happy with it I'll ideally be giving the desktop game a similar makeover.

This update will hopefully come out later this year and will likely involve multiple rounds of alpha. Once stable, future updates will focus on adding sugar lumps and as many of the minigames as possible.

🍪Thirdly: the Makeship grandma plushie is real and we're doing a giveaway! Please read this twitter post to enter. Note that if the launch campaign succeeds we've got other plushies in mind! Maybe a wrinkler?

🍪Fourthly - there was going to be a really cool announcement here but I've been informed I'm not yet at liberty to discuss it. It's sooooo cool tho trust me. things happening. u gotta take my word for it. tune in next time

🍪Lastly:

i've got enough dough for like, idk 50 more? mom's recipe. white+dark+milk chocolate. they're very good thank you

PS. thank you for playing with us all these years! odds are some of you reading this have been here since the very start. that's mad to think about! Opti and I couldn't have done this for 10 whole years without all of you hyping us up. i want to see if we can do 10 more. get real freaky with it

[hoodedjelly]

Sleep walk BTS post!

will go in depth with my process and put better quality drawings in here!

Before any of this i was listening to several fiddauthor/ford playlists to hear a song that really got my brain moving. Funny enough i didn't get Sleep walk from one of the 100+ song playlists i was listening to, it was in my oc playlist (thats a mad scientist who would've thought). Originally i wanted to make a fiddauthor animatic (who knows maybe i will), but THIS SONG just caught my brain in a way i couldn't refuse.

So i technically started working on it the late night of September 27, exactly a week ago! which yes yes i hear you all in unison go "WHAT???" to that, and all I have to say to that is.... I have untreated adhd and lots of caffeine in my system! (honestly felt like ford sometimes while workin on that animatic)

Started it off with some notes, then thumbnails. I had my tbob AND J3 open next to me stood up with clips for reference (prob looked a little insane looking back but its fine)

now for the rough animatic! i did this in Adobe animate 2022 (i'll get back to that later) the only thing that really got changed was i wanted to add the diner scene from j3. i realize now that it messed up the timeline i was going for with the animatic but i like to think things are out of order because of the state ford is in, things start to merge together.

After i sat with this rough animatic for a bit, i wasn't sure if i was going to make it in Adobe animate (what i usually do) or make it all in Clip Studio Paint. I wanted this animatic to be way more visually interesting then i usually do, so CSP it is. But! i only have CSP Pro, so i had to draw and export every single new frame from this animatic.

it was a little tedious at first (again never done an animatic like this before) but i got used to it! I edited it all together in CapCut and thats really it!

The missing J3 pages from TBOB spoke to me in a way that im not fully comfortable talking about to my followers. I put a lot of myself in this animatic then i'd want to realize, it's very important to me. The night when i uploaded it i was literally shaking with anxiety (and caffeine-) but the overwhelming support for it is really amazing, thank you so much! if you have any more questions please ask away i love talking about the art process.

Below im going to talk about the code and put HD backgrounds!

thank you for dyemro on here for cracking the code first! now i can talk about my insane little thought process about it

So i never planned to add a code until halfway through with the animatic. i was watching ThatGFFan videos and him talking about gravity falls codes got my brain cooking. i wanted something sweet and simple (i realize with dyemro's post it wasn't as simple as i thought, give me some slack it's my first time). like what you should with making codes you start at the end. And i wanted something that was a nice send off for drawing ford be fucking miserable for 1 minute and 30 seconds.

so i got this. (honestly every time i look at this drawing after finishing the animatic it makes me real emotional)

There are 4 codes in this whole animatic 0:02, 0:15, 0:30, and 0:58

wanted the first one to be REAL noticeable so people can stop and be like "wait... theres stuff in here". people usually think to use the bill symbols, but no! from the description theres a little hint to use the Author symbols

doing that code it leads to: imgu r.com /a/uZa iVfu (and if you know that double line a under a letter means capitalization + im a dumb dumb that used a code image that didn't have a Z so thats just a normal Z)

it makes a LINK! > imgur.com/a/uZaiVfu <

now enough of that boring stuff, heres some HD screenshots and backgrounds of my fav parts

[funkyplantguy]

OOH OOH, Mumbo putting the big ol' bootycheeks on the Cub billboard and then stepping back and looking at his work and feeling kinda 😳‼ about it

CACKLED OUT LOUD READING THIS ASK AND IMMEDIATELY SCREENSHOTTED IT TO SEND TO TWO OF MY FRIENDS. anyway, here's...uh...this! -

"hiya, mumbo, what doin?" "studying." "studying...what?" "cub's ass." "...i'm sorry, what?"

mumbo turned to face the avian, folding his spyglass in on itself with a clean, satisfying schwick. honestly, grian sounded much more confused about all of this than he had any right to be - it wasn't as if he didn't do the same thing with scar. arguably, what mumbo was doing (standing at a respectable distance, using his spyglass to peer into the strange labrynth cub was currently navigating) was much better than what grian did when he was bored. he was going to give scar a heart attack, one of these days, with his propensity for perching in trees and dive-bombing the man the second he stepped within range. so, really - grian had no ground to stand on, not with this. "cub's ass," he repeated, "don't act like you don't watch scar build for hours just on the off-chance that he'll take his shirt off" "that's different," grian grumbled, swinging so that he was hanging upside-down off of the branch he'd previously been perched on. "we've been together for years. it'd be weird if i didn't want to see him naked. cub, on the other hand...i didn't know you liked him like that." "oh, i don't," mumbo dismissed (ignoring the way his heart skipped a beat in his chest at the suggestion), "i'm just bored. and someone needs to finish that sign you put up." "sign?" grian asked, peering owlishly at him. "which...oh, the one in the shopping district?" "mmhm. i should have known you wouldn't do the back - but no fuss, i'll handle it." "i...the back? mumbo, what do you mean? it's a billboard, it doesn't need a back." mumbo chuckled lightly to himself, sliding the spyglass into the pocket of his slacks. ah, grian - always skirting around the issue at hand. typical. "i - hey, don't walk away from me - what do you mean, it needs a back? what are you going to add to it? mumbo? mumbo?" a few hours later, grian had his answer. and mumbo could tell that he was impressed (if the wide, round eyes and gaping mouth mumbo was met with as he glided down from the back of the sign meant anything). scar, on the other hand... "no way!" the shirtless man shrieked, from where he was sprawled out on the grass next to his partner. "you gave him an ass! you gave cub an ass! this is great! oh - mumbo, you've really outdone yourself with this one." "mumbo," grian interjected, glaring down at scar with a look that screamed don't encourage him! "what the fuck." "what do you mean? the sign needed a back. i added one. it's simple, really." "oh man. grian - grian, this guy's down so bad. it's so funny - i should tell cub. i should tell cub - can i tell cub? please? please can i tell cub?" "no, scar, you cannot tell cub - mumbo. mumbo, are you sure you don't fancy cub? i mean...you just spent two hours recreating his ass, for goodness sake!" mumbo hummed to himself, turning to survey the sign behind him and...oh, goodness, he'd given cub a bbl. did cub's ass really look like that? it had to - he'd studied it for hours, diligently, so he could get it just right...maybe he'd remembered it incorrectly? maybe he'd need to go back to the source to examine it just a bit further...

oh. oh.

yeah, okay. maybe he understood where grian was coming from. "hey guys - oh, hey, mumbo. did you...is that an ass?" "yes." "huh. nice. good job." "thanks, cub."

[druizard]

Alright so, I'm going through my thousands of BG3 screenshots. I tend to snap pics of conversations and dialogue that I like or find interesting and then ultimately forget about them cuz my brain is mashed potatoes half the time.

ANYWAYS, the scene in act 2 when you save Rolan and he has a breakdown has a lot of lines that I adore but also they break my heart because not only do I love Rolan, but I also relate to him in a few ways. At least on the self loathing part.

Right off the bat, this is what he says after you rescue him. There are so many things he has done right, but he cannot see them, not past his failures, no matter how small.

I particularly LOVE how Larian wrote extra lines for different classes in conversations!! I don't have lines from all of the classes I've played (I'll probably add more to this post later if I end up grabbing more screenshots of em) but I do have a few of my favorites. Here we have my origin Gale, telling Rolan, "A good wizard knows when to ask for guidance - for help." To which, Rolan replies.

Heart-wrenching. And if you ask him, "Should I have left you to die?"

(excuse me while I cry)

My Druid/Bard, Aislyn, in another play-through, tells him, "If it helps, when I re-tell this story, I could say you killed all the monsters?" His response:

While he is speaking to you in this scene, he starts off angry and venomous but very quickly his tone shifts and his voice begins to quiver as if holding back tears. (Bravo, George Taylor) He talks a big talk in Act 1 at the grove, but he really did mean it when he said "I care about our lives, our futures!" He says his greatest ambition is to become the greatest wizard in all of Faerûn, but it all means nothing if Cal & Lia aren't there to share his future with him.

Their family bond is so important to all three of them and I only wish we had more backstory. I want to know what happened to them and what happened specifically to Rolan in his past that made him feel this way about himself. I love seeing everyone's headcanons, but I'd love to know what the writers had in mind when they wrote him into the game.

Anyways, I love Rolan, Cal and Lia, maybe more than anything else in the entire game, thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[violetsquare111]

phew okay, with some last minute additions and at a reasonable hour of the day, i guess i'll finally post this thing!

Green's YouTube channel archive (as of October 9 2024)

this is a google drive folder with copies of all of green's videos and shorts, text copies of the entire video comment sections (yes i mean the ENTIRE comment sections), screenshots of green's community q&a answers, and some miscellaneous screenshots as well. if anything on the channel (or maybe even the entire channel) gets deleted as part of the influencer arc, like those couple tiktoks already have been, then it should at least be saved here.

while we've still got some time, please tell me if there's anything you think i should add to this and i'll go ahead and do that!

i'm not going to include any of the tiktok or instagram posts in this though because i know absolutely nothing about those websites lol. however there should at least be captures of those posts on the wayback machine, and i'll try to take some myself later (it's down right now).

i learned how to run a python script for this please be proud of me /j

[revalition]

OCT 8 - VOLITION

Hold yourself together. Keep your Morale up.

I had to resize this image 3 times to get tumblr to take it... it is also past midnight here, but the day change doesn't really count if I haven't gone to sleep yet, so :)

Volition. My love. my favourite skill. please enjoy. I also drew the volitions of some of my mutuals!! because I love you guys and your volitions very much (holding them gently in my hands). hopefully you guys dont mind and I didn't mess them up too badly

anyway. uhm. I'm much too tired to write anything super coherent right now. please write tags for me or write comments so I can see them when I wake up haha

and! there is a LOT under the cut. like, way more than any of the other days. it is giant. be very careful expanding it <3

ok here goes... I'm typing shorter ones out and screenshotting big ones

--------

VOLITION - Stop, you're only making it worse for him -- you never help with *anything*.

- Rare volition being rude to other skills!!! it only happens under pressure, too

KIM KITSURAGI - "What else could she have done? Lie? She saw there was no way to lie and get away with it."

DRAMA - You would have caught it.

VOLITION - Like hell you would have -- remember?

- you tell him volition!!

SUGGESTION - What is *wrong* with you? Why did you ask to be connected to her? Who *does* that?! Act professional now.

VOLITION - *You* told him to do that stupid thing...

- rare volition callout!!

YOU - Can I trust that guy?

VOLITION - A little. They're all still of limited use, interpreting things to the best of their ability. Maybe they add flair or something? I wouldn't know. I don't add flair.

- this is one of my favs haha. you don't need flair, love, it's ok

VOLITION - Ouch.... That's like twenty points of pride-damage right there, buddy.

- This is after Sylvie turns you down to get coffee. (and you do suffer a point of morale damage haha). him calling you buddy is so funny. it's always mildly condescending too!

- here's the other two:

VOLITION - You're no titan of Volition, buddy. He's got you in a fork. Sit down or leave.

VOLITION - You're a little more moralist now, buddy. A little more *normal*. Even if you didn't want to be.

YOU - "Cryptid extravaganza? I like the sound of that."

KIM KITSURAGI - "And I *don't*. Just one."

VOLITION - Or he'll be *disappointed* in you.

ENCYCLOPEDIA - Whooh... tough choice there.

- volition knows it's truly the most terrible thing haha

VOLITION - An enormous expenditure of willpower to build up strategic semen reserves? You had me at *willpower*. Let's do it!

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Life is all about pleasure... why deny it?!

- these two are hilarious. poor echem. but also volition, honey, nono...

- the game implies consequences when increasing your skills too high but you don't see it with all of them. Volition's one you don't really see much downside to, but you can just. Imagine it here. Him pressuring you to do something stupid, just for the sake of it being difficult. Surely that's not healthy??

- I do think Volition has a lot of issues. I'll get into some more of them later though!!

- but just... Harry wanting to do something that *is* a test of willpower and Volition is completely uninterested. But the semen retention thing is okay? sigh

- and then after that, he's just like. nope. we're not going to not swear :)

- he's so stupid sometimes. also it's absolutely hilarious to me that you can pick the "..." option over and over and Volition will match it forever. You simply cannot out-will your own willpower. It's just not possible.

- I actually live for Volition being the singular voice of reason. Look at the others all chiming in!!

- this one too, Volition being the only one trying to stop it! Why are they all piling on?? Composure not you too >:(

- I had excessively high Volition *and* Pain Threshold in my first run and the two of them!!! PT gets very self destructive at high levels, so seeing the relentless push and pull of PT and Volition was so good.

- This line from the description -> "Cool for: Sane People, Well-Adjusted Cops, The Non-Suicidal" yes it's cool for them, sure, but it's incredibly!!! important for NOT these people! Because Volition doesn't make you sane, or well-adjusted, or non-suicidal. He's just the one voice of reason in there trying to veer you away from making irreversibly bad decisions.

VOLITION - She tries to hide it, but some *great doubt* is spreading within her. There is a crown slowly cracking above her head.

- I need to talk about this line. Just. Volition acknowledging the existence of Joyce's own Volition (which he refers to as a crown!!!) cracking! the *great doubt* spreading and cracking apart the crown! hghh I live for any and every depiction of volition cracking apart when morale gets low and this is absolutely one of them.

AUTHORITY - Weren't you warned to *not* go down this path?! And yet you *still* go and do it...

VOLITION - Just because you *can* doesn't mean you *have to* say everything that comes to mind. Back out before the situation escalates.

- these two's dynamic is very funny to me. I love when they work together (but I also love when they fight! fight fight fight!)

VOLITION - Don't ask, don't look, don't do *anything* here. Just go away. Get back to work.

- "Just go away" ugh my guy is fighting for his life here to get you away from the cigarette and alcohol counter in the Frittte

- hghhk Volition. this is a Challenging passive check too (the second one, to hang up). *one* chance, that's all he has in him. It's not possible at all in the dream, no matter how high your Volition stat is. It's just not something he can do. But here, with the distance of the payphone between you and possibly real consequences, he's able to manage one chance.

- (also did anyone see the post about the payphone conversation possibly being entroponetic crosstalk?? I could talk about that for way too long. but I am getting sidetracked)

YOU - "Yeah, I'm done talking about her. I don't want to think about her anymore."

RHETORIC - What a strange choice of words...

EMPATHY - Caustic, overflowing with negativity.

VOLITION - That can't be healthy. What's happening here? Why do you keep coming back to this window?

YOU - Nothing, everything's okay.

VOLITION - But it isn't. And you shouldn't come back to this anymore. This should be the last time. Stop talking about that damn window, please.

- this one too

VOLITION - Throw it away. Please.

- I need to talk about this. Volition dutifully directs you away from all the reminders of Dora. He does everything in his power to stop the final dream from happening.

- And I get it. He's trying to protect Harry. Because Harry isn't mentally stable right now and it could endanger the case. but... at least, when the final dream happens Kim is (usually) there when you wake up. And if all went well, you get to go back to your precinct, and take Kim with you. And Harry has support.

- If the dream doesn't happen... it will happen eventually. There are a million reminders in Martinaise in the span of a week, imagine what Jamrock is like. It's an inevitability. And then you're taking the chance that the dream happens at a time when Harry is much worse off. Maybe he's alone. Maybe Kim left, maybe he was let go from the force.

- The dream could happen at a better time too, of course. we probably all imagine harry picking up the pieces after martinaise and his life finally taking a turn for the better. and I imagine this is what Volition had in mind, by delaying the dream. Maybe it can be delayed for a long time, long enough.

- but it's a huge risk and I just... don't know if he's making the right choice here. keeping important information about Harry's past, which has shaped his relationships and life considerably, in a box so it can't hurt him

- yeah. anyway...

YOU - What if I don't want to ask questions?

REACTION SPEED - You're a cop, Harry. It is *unnatural* of you not to want to ask questions.

VOLITION - You don't have to. No one is forcing you to be a cop.

- Volition??? sometimes this guy makes no sense, he's so funny. I really think he occasionally just does something for the sake of being defiant

EGG HEAD - "Please. Please?" The young man smiles at you widely, bright and innocent as the summer sun.

VOLITION - His pleaful smile is disarming, but you can withstand it's glorious assault, if you just put your heart into it.

- why? why?? don't turn down egg head ever!

VOLITION - Alright, come on now. If *he* hasn't said anything about your lack of pants, no one will. You're only hurting yourself by not wearing them...

- this one is so funny. I love that he lets you know he *knows* you're trying to get a reaction and you're not going to get one!!

- yes volition, stop himmm

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - How very astute of you! This renders it ineffectual. You should look for a *whole* cigarette. Or better yet -- an entire pack! Strike that, a CARTON! Make sure they're all healthy and able-bodied, then smoke them all.

VOLITION - Or -- you could *not* do that. No one is making you.

- volition as usual trying to stop you from picking up bad habits... I just love the way he talks. he's not even telling you not to, just voicing his disapproval in a rather passive way

INTERFACING - Wow, the gods of mass production have made this alcohol container *laughably* easy to open. A child could have done it.

VOLITION - I don't know about this...

- he still doesn't outright tell you not to drink it... :(((

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Fine. We're not worried... you'll crawl back to this bottle soon enough. We'll give you another chance. Booze *always* gives you *another* chance.

SUGGESTION - Yes, it's *merciful* that way. It's your friend. Come back to it, we're all rooting for you to.

VOLITION - Not *all* of us...

- he's the only one rooting for you to not drink it!! he can't stop you. but he is supporting you in the only way he's able.

VOLITION - No. You *can* stop. Just wade through the hell. Month after month. Year after year -- you against the nothingness. It's possible, because *time* is possible.

- He can encourage you!!

YOU - "I *will* stop drinking."

MEASUREHEAD - "THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE. THE GAME OF *SHAH-MAT* YOU PLAY AGAINST THE GUL'S TRICKS IS UNWINNABLE. THE DAYS, THE WEEKS, THE MONTHS WILL WEAR YOU OUT. THE OCCIDENTAL HAPLOGROUP IS INCAPABLE OF LONG TERM LUCID THOUGHT."

VOLITION - NO.

- volition!!! <3 that's all he needs to say.

HORRIFIC NECKTIE - This is it. I'm gonna hit the ground and burn away now. Most of the people in this yard are gonna die -- if not all. Probably you too. It's a COMPLETE DISASTER.

PAIN THRESHOLD - Get ready for a world of pain, man.

VOLITION - No. Not a disaster. Weave this into the story of you. Walk out of its *ruins*. Save those who still can be saved -- *I'm* on your side.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - And the lieutenant too. And the men behind your back, drawing their weapons... you can live. You can get out of this.

- hnngh. this one is among my favourites too. my amazing 1 int run also had 1 motorics. at this point I had failed the rhetoric check to save ruby, failed the logic check to save lizzie, and now failed the spirit bomb throw too and was about ready to cry. Volition's quiet reassurance was very important to me in that moment. EdC too, and I did save Kim.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION - Your hand trembles as you scratch at your cheek... oh no, that's not how a grown man shaves!

YOU - Leave it for now.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION - Thank god, I would have cut your throat.

VOLITION - The centipede is exaggerating -- people don't actually cut their own throats when they're shaving. At least not accidentally.

- centipede!!! it's such a funny nickname. alternatively

HAND/EYE COORDINATION - Your hand trembles as you scratch at your cheek... oh no, that's not how a grown man shaves!

YOU - This isn't sharp enough. Scrape harder.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION - Stop, for crying out loud! You're gonna cut your own throat.

VOLITION - There's no way to salvage this.

- these guys are hilarious. why is volition even watching this mess? 'there's no way to salvage this.' ??? I'm not even sure if he's referring to you or H/E... he must be so tired.

ENDURANCE - You feel like you're about to faint and fall off the swing. Your hands get clammy and the air tastes sour to breathe.

HALF LIGHT - Oh god, Harry! Oh god, Harry, what did you do...?!

VOLITION - No! Just nope. Say no to this, Harry.

- more of this!! >:( of volition trying to just avoid anything painful. wake up man.

LOGIC - Everything is so pretty and red -- you and Leo look like brothers as you glance around with similar childlike wonder.

VOLITION - Keep it together, no need to show your wonder.

- why? :( it's not hurting anyone. legendary difficulty passive for volition, high levels of volition are sometimes questionable. I love collecting all these instances of volition making weird suggestions. it's like when people point out really weird things Kim does, that you don't really notice as weird because he does it so calmly and confidently.

VOLITION - Huh... no, Mr. Conclusion. You're always kind of limited in your analytical abilities. That's not *her* fault. But still...

- volition: you're kind of limited in your analytical abilities... meanwhile logic and viscalc and ency calling you stupid and brain damaged lol. vol is so gentle about it!!

- then again...

VOLITION - ...no? He's not going to show up? I'm sorry, your lie detection isn't working. It's not her doing, he's just totally inept. It looks like you're also an idiot. But that's not her fault.

- lol.

RHETORIC - This is good. Clear the air first -- between you two -- then move on to questions.

VOLITION - No, it's not good. It's the opposite of that. This will let her dictate the terms of your...

RHETORIC - Shush. I can't hear what she's saying.

- no. don't ever cut off or shush volition ever again

- >:(

YOU - No-no-no-no...

INLAND EMPIRE - Yes, yes, yes, yes.

VOLITION - No-no, we're not starting with that. Not now. Not this time. This thought is over.

- volitionnnn... ily. my own volition also cuts off dangerous lines of thought for me. I think he's got to be constantly vigilant, in order to be so good at it. must be exhausting :(

YOU - "Can't promise that. I might attack him again." [Leave.]

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant groans, but doesn't say anything.

VOLITION - That's right, you *should* do it again! It's the *last* thing he'll be expecting.

- uhm. not sure that's a good idea!!

VOLITION - You're too weak to say 'no' now. Waking up is the worst part. Maybe somewhere down the line you could decline...

- referring to declining the speed. all volition fails are very sad

VOLITION - Yes, look at yourself. What do you see?

YOU - Just a sorry stack of shit...

VOLITION - Yeah, didn't even know they stack shit *that* sorry.

- beautiful, rare volition scolding you!!!! after you disregard his advice and don't apologize to kim after the church fail. he's on your side, but he also knows he needs to tell you that this wasn't okay.

VOLITION - First the investigation, now this... how many more things do you have to fuck up?

- this one too! same scenario. this is a difficulty 16 (Godly) check...

- yes this again. it just needs to be in here. the volition panic attack. if this volition passive doesn't fire, you take no volition damage. it's completely self-inflicted :(((

PAYPHONE - The headset lands in the cradle with a clank. There it sits -- still warm from your hand. You have no idea what just happened.

(heal 2 endurance and 2 volition)

- if you hang up the phone before dora picks up!

VOLITION - He subdues the feeling. Dusts himself off and moves on. So should you. There will be other chances.

(heal 2 volition)

- if Kim misses getting a picture of the phasmid

HORRIFIC NECKTIE - The necktie is guiding you through this. It's your spirit animal, both your nemesis and friend. Suddenly a feeling of ease brushes through you -- you're fine again.

(heal 2 volition and 1 endurance)

AUTHORITY - That... was the most honourable thing anyone has ever done, Harry.

(heal all volition)

- very special incidences of healing more than 1 volition at once!! the fact that healing/damaging morale is just directly called heal/damage volition in the variable naming is. yeah. I think about it constantly. does it hurt him? I think it does. and he never says anything about it (unlike endurance!) he just bears with it quietly.

VOLITION - In honour of your shit, lieutenant-yefreitor. Which you kept *together* in the face of total, unrelenting terror. Day after day. Second by second.

INLAND EMPIRE - DETECTIVE

ESPRIT DE CORPS - ARRIVING

AUTHORITY - ON THE SCENE

- obviously this one has to be in here. funnily enough, in my second playthrough I had 2 PSY but everyone had been bumped up enough that they all fired except authority... I ended up throwing a point into authority and retrying the dialogue so it could be complete haha

VOLITION - What? I thought you had your shit together! This is nearing a complete meltdown! Stop it!

- volitionnn :( if you don't stop you have a panic attack, so I guess he's only trying to help

- this is too funny. volition honey, you absolutely do add flair too

YOU - Oh, you mean Cuno?

VOLITION - Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

- yup, absolutely no flair. Super. Tip-top!

VOLITION - These guys are compromised. She's got them singing along to her tune. The little bleeps and bloops you trust for info -- you can't trust them anymore.

- it would be a crime to not include the bleeps and bloops in here! why does he call them that?? haha

- rare instance of volition not being able to stop the disaster!

INLAND EMPIRE - Your surroundings are undisturbed. While you slept, you were alone. Now that you're awake -- you're still alone.

HALF LIGHT - Get the fuck out of here. Fuck this place, fuck this world, fuck this life, fuck this body -- just fucking go.

SAVOIR FAIRE - The sheets are stained red. Your blood's been running again. Keep it together. Just get out of here and finish this fucking thing.

VOLITION - Harry... I know there's not much to say -- but if nothing else, just remember that you've made it this far. And it's just a bit farther now. Let's finish this.

- this is just. it's awful, if you have the final dream all alone. but at least you have volition with you

DICK MULLEN AND THE MISTAKEN IDENTITY - Dick Mullen was made to crack skulls and solve cases. It's who he is. He could no more stop being a detective than a tiger could cease to be a predator in the night.

VOLITION - You're no tiger, though, Harry. You're a man. It's your curse to have to choose.

- I like this one.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - That sugary black rum stain on the counter makes you teary-eyed with joy. It's almost touching how syrupy and sticky it is. How long have you been up already?

YOU - Not now.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Oh *excuse me*, do you have something better to do than lust for sweet syrupy rum and lemonade? With a twist of lemon? Maybe lime? Maybe who cares, just rum?

VOLITION - Yes, you do have something better to do. Stop drooling over that stupid rum stain and go. Before it's too late.

- this is a challenging (difficulty 12) check! it's very difficult to resist the sticky rum stain I guess

YOU - Give up.

LOGIC - There we go. Your mind is a relaxed muscle. It's so nice and easy to give up, isn't it? On the downside -- you have no idea what you were supposed to do now. I could have *debriefed* you.

VOLITION - Blissful idiot -- say something. You've stood there for too long.

- blissful idiot

VOLITION - Don't be an idiot and say it. In this day and age, of all times. It won't end well.

- once again, volition pushing you away from the bi-curious thing. :( he just wants to keep you safe, but it comes at a cost.

- you can't just wrap harry in bubblewrap, volition. he'll never grow

- volition absolutely saving the day here. do NOT say it harry! authority's advice is SO hit or miss

VOLITION - It's time to leave it be. You're about to make a child cry. Are you proud of yourself?

YOU - Damn right I am! Proud as the Lion of Serber.

VOLITION - Excuse me, I'm not sure I heard that properly...

- volition ily. he has to deal with so much.

VOLITION - Should we? He's *nice*. I don't like *nice*.

- this is so funny. he's very suspicious.

VOLITION - Look at it, detective. And be ashamed. Until you make it right by *legally purchasing* that raincoat, I'll make sure you feel guilty every time you see it.

- YES YES conscience volition!!

YOU - Close the carabiner.

SLEEPING DOCKWORKER - The sleeping dockworker has little to say about your actions. He remains silent.

VOLITION - You're not 100% clear what you did here was *right*, but to hell with it...

- only sometimes!!

VOLITION - I can't restrain this one. The need to *cop* is too strong. You just need to ask it.

- why are you trying to restrain copping??? this guy, sometimes. he's so stupid (affectionate)

VOLITION - That's it. I'm calling it. Kim is beyond compromised.

- uhm. volition completely overcompensating with the compromised skills is quite funny. once drama wakes up, he does it too

VOLITION - See? It's oddly moderate. Probably compromised.

- oddly moderate now means compromised??

- this is it. this is volition's only comment on this disastrous authority fail. he makes no attempt to stop it!!

VOLITION - Being Cuno's pig has a steadying effect on your hand. Go with the flow, man...

- volition's so silly sometimes

DAMAGED LEDGER - You feel that thing in the back of your head? That little voice, that quiet scream? You already felt this was a bad idea, but especially right now it's even worse. Try as you might, you can't read it now.

VOLITION - You've got *business* to deal with first. Talk to the Union boss first, at least... I can't stop you for long, but there's just enough of an excuse now.

- Volition fighting for his life to stop you from reading the letter :,(

VOLITION - If it's possible, then by pure willpower alone. You are going to have to become... a psycholocomotor.

- that is *not* a real word but we love you anyway vol

LOGIC - Is that how it is now? We should just try all good things *twice* and then give up? By that logic...

VOLITION - Not you too...

- he's all alone out here :(

VOLITION - Someone's been a very busy boy. Good on you...

- thank you...?

VOLITION - *Very* off. Just let her go. Listen to me for once...

- for once?? :((( but if you try...

VOLITION - I can't help you. I am totally useless. Everything I've said is lies. I want the exact same bad things you want. To stand here, like a pillar of salt, saying...

- this is probably one of the saddest lines. all the skills falling apart in the dream is awful, but volition might be the worst. it's also very important that volition *does* want the exact same thing you want. He wants to drink and smoke and think of dora and die. And he chooses to resist it anyways. To be the only thing standing in your way. But it's to the point where it's all he knows. He knows that he has to resist the things he wants, and will occasionally take it too far. Keeping Harry (and himself) from things that will make them happy. In the setting of the game, Volition keeps things together and on track. But once Harry is back in his normal life, it will become very much a double edged sword I think. Luckily(?) it will self balance a bit, where if Volition prevents Harry from being happy then he'll lose morale, weakening volition, and then vol won't prevent harry as much and it'll balance out. hopefully.

VOLITION - Despair creeps into you, getting fat on your weakness. Whatever noble intentions you once had as a police officer -- it's eating them all up now.

VOLITION - Nothing you can say would make you feel any better now...

- 😭 I hate this, I hate the volition death. the endurance one is really painful too, but this one's painful in a different way. Volition isn't getting back up from this. the awful newspaper clipping saying you go to live under a bridge... that's what happens when you let volition die?? if any of the other skills (except endurance) drop to 0 you can just raise them back up, but vollll.... ugh.

VOLITION - Listen... It's okay to take a few minutes to yourself. Sit down and have a breather.

ENDURANCE - You need to rest. Your body is aching. Getting in here has taken something out of you. Have a seat.

- our two health pool boys encouraging you to take care of yourself <3

YOU - "Kim, can *you* see it?!"

KIM KITSURAGI - "I can see it."

VOLITION - Four simple words -- thank god. If he can see, then you're not insane.

- this one is obviously very important.

YOU - "I've finally gone insane..." (Put your head in your hands.)

[...]

VOLITION - My god... maybe you *are*.

- if Kim and Cuno aren't there, and your Volition is really low, you get this very sad fail. :(

VOLITION - True, you ought not love ruins and hell -- and the fading scent of apricots.

- I like this one.

WASHERWOMAN - "I *can* wash it for you," she says after looking the jacket over, "but it's going to take about a half an hour. Think you can stay put for that long?"

VOLITION - Hell yeah!

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - No, we must run around ceaselessly. It would be torture to stay put.

- I really really love him.

YOU - "By the way, I'm going to sing karaoke here."

GARTE, THE CAFETERIA MANAGER - "Absolutely out of the question."

VOLITION - You wait and see, cafeteria manager!

- volition will not be told no!!

VOLITION - No one can STOP you from finding the phasmid.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU?!?! Are you going to CRY now, son?

VOLITION - You heard the coach! This is weakness. It cannot go on much longer, or you will LOSE.

- these guys are great. coach!

YOU - Right. Activate Denial Mode.

VOLITION - You're not really an automaton, you do know that?

- oh, thank you for the insight volition

- even your most willful, imaginative skills know this scope creep was insurmountable...

DRAMA - But we *are* awake, sire! She has been forthcoming -- with sordid details women usually conceal! Most *shocking* details of the sexual kind! We are a bulwark, un-breached...

VOLITION - You've been breached, bulwark. You've been breached, like, a thousand times now!

- nooo poor drama (volition is right)

- Volition trying to reassure you after the Tribunal is very important.

- SO TRUE.

DRAMA - This may have been a *grave* mistake, sire.

VOLITION - Maybe. Maybe not. Mercy is rarely a *complete* mistake.

- I really adore this quote.

I think I'm going to leave it here. I haven't included some quotes that I put in other posts already but I might add them in later to have a comprehensive Volition post... But I've spent like 4 hours on this already so I'm giving it a rest for now :)

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, so, this will be a stream-of-consciousness type post, because I am this close to starting to print screenshots and do a full murder board trying to make this make sense to someone who is not in my brain, so I'm gonna type this out, and if you're seeing this that means it worked or I just typed for too long to not post lol.

Buck, Actually. Buck, Bothered, and Bewildered. I am not the only person that desperately wants a callback, and I know I'm not the only one thinking about what this might mean for buddie. Well, I've been saying for a while now that I would try to type out something about how buddie has been planned and the answers are in Buck, Actually, and that's what I'm gonna do now, I guess.

We know Buck gets a lot of his ideas of love from Buck, Actually. Seeing Maddie and Chim in the early stages, his own quest with love while moving on from Abby, notably Mitchell and Thomas and the "you don't find it, son, you make it." Buck's quest with love now is at a point where Buck wants to be seen "I feel like she sees me" but he is still at a point where he doesn't want to actually be seen, he wants someone to see what he wants to show, but that's not what actual love is. But still, we start out Buck, Actually with Buck literally in front of a huge sign that says "See Me" (also just to add into my madness about the blue and green in other elements of the scene, love the clear divide of Eddie against the sky and Buck against the sign, and yes I know they can't change the color of the sky or the sign but shh just go with it) with Eddie right above it. Interesting scene composition I think.

But talking about the actual couple here, we have Lola, who feels like her husband doesn't see her anymore after a situation where she feels like she lost herself, their kid went off to college, she has more time to herself, is struggling, and goes nuclear until Norman proves that he does in fact see her, just not in the way she was looking for, dude just wasn't aware there was a problem that needed to be addressed. I know I make everything about the cemetery scene lately, but come on. The whole thing with being seen, Buck not knowing who he is after dying, the expectation he is putting on himself about being the person he was before but he doesn't know who that is, like, come on, it's there.

Then the robbers and the two employees at the gas station, granted the robbers are a lot about Buck thinking about his own ways when it comes to sex and women considering he just had sex with Taylor in a bathroom, BUT here is when I start to go a little crazy. Because Ruth and Earl have that little moment of a relationship developing (hi blue scrunchie green cap 🫶), which we later see has developed, but Earl with his injured right shoulder is talking about how he's hurt but he was only thinking about her safety.

Does that sound familiar to anyone else? Just a thought. Yes, I know I'm crazy, it's fine, it will get worse.

Because another thing about the episode is the whole "till death do us part" thing, with the newlyweds who crashed their car, Mitchell and Thomas dying together, and maybe even Buck having to hold Lola back so she wouldn't fall. I'll come back to this in a second, but you gotta love a nice little crush injury involving a vehicle and a focus on handholding, huh?

But the thing is, Mitchell and Thomas make an impression on Buck, and Mr Self Destruct for Attention because that was the only way I was shown love as a child definitely takes the way they die together a bit too literally. Taylor being in this episode while being blatantly wrong for Buck makes an interesting point on that and the way bucktaylor evolves, because Buck gets the whole you make it, and decides he needs to kill himself to make it work, and it is what he ultimately does with Taylor, he thinks he loves her, he thinks she loves him, and he thinks that means if he doesn't give up he can move past his very obvious reservations about the relationship as a whole because "love is not supposed to be easy". But the whole thing is that Buck focuses on the wrong thing there because while Michell and Thomas died together, they had a whole life together, the point is not the death, it is the life. Yes, you need to fight to make it work, but the fight is not all you have.

Another thing about the episode is the concept of movement too, like, Lola's call on a freeway, both accidents involving a car crash of some sort, the robbery is a chase, even Buck and Taylor in the news van, Maddie talking about how slow being on the freeway is, and metaphorically too, with Madney starting to move towards something, Athena learning to deal with Michael's boyfriend. And Buck finally allowing himself to move on, and move on not going back to his old habits, sleeping with anyone for connection, but actually talking to his love interest for a change.

And we have relationships in all types of moments there, we have Buck and Taylor doomed to fail, we have Maddie and Chim in that nice early stage where you're falling in love with someone, you have Bobby and Athena and the whole when you know you know and the way Bobby proposes the next episode, we have the newlyweds, we have Ruth and Earl making the change in their relationship, we have Robber Guy and Baby Bear realizing that she's more in it than he is, we have Lola and Norman and the whole relationships take effort no matter how long you've been together, you have Mitchell and Thomas sharing a whole life.

There's also the whole layer of having the couple that shows Buck what he wants out of love be a gay couple, the way when Buck realizes Thomas is unresponsive he calls for Eddie first, because Chim and Hen are at the call, and they're not with Mitchell because Mitchell's body is there too, so like, the choice to make sure Eddie would be right next to Buck to comfort him is something.

Also, something else, the inmate who kidnaps them is also called Mitchell, and I cannot explain how I got here for the life of me. But Mitchell, Mitchell, Charlie, Charlie, Ambulance.

I don't know, something about the repetition of names, the ambulance as a key piece of the scene, the bonding, the comfort, the fear, the way Mitchell and Thomas died together, and Buck and Eddie could have died together in all of those situations. And the way Buck volunteers into the danger in all of those situations, he offers to help Eddie with the grenade, he goes to get Eddie without backup while actively being shot at, he runs toward the gunfire because he thinks Eddie is in danger, so like, it's a pattern of wanting to go together.

But also, the madney of it all, because while they are clearly moving towards something, they are not ready yet, but everything is acknowledged, which honestly is my main hope, because I don't think buddie is ready yet, but I would like some acknowledgment that where they're going, yk? And with the episode title possibly being a play with the song about being in love and not showing it, not knowing what to do with it, and the next episode being called "you don't know me" who could also be referencing a song about being in love with someone who doesn't know, we could be looking at real movement happening between the two of them yk?

I don't know if this makes a lot of sense, but if you read this I love you 🫶

[ayyynne]

Buck wakes up at some stupid hour of the night with a strange feeling that for the first time in months he needs to text Bobby, like he did every day when we first woke up from his coma.

Except his usual "hey Cap. My brain just needs to know that you're alive. Text me when you wake up?" never gets answered. And he's not really expecting one at 2am, but he still can't fall back asleep.

So he's wide awake when his phone rings again just a little while later. And why the hell is Hen calling him at this hour. Somehow he already knows the answer. He's already grabbing his keys and slipping on shoes as he answers the phone. She gets right to the point.

"they're both in the hospital. Athena is stable. Bobby's heart stopped. There was a fire. Cedar's. That's all I know. I'm heading there now. Calling Chim next, can you call Eddie?"

There's no need for a "holy fuck" or "oh my God," she already knows. They're beyond that right now.

"Harry and May and Michael?" He asks as he runs to the Jeep.

"Called May first. Harry was at a friend's. Shes calling Harry and Michael. If Eddie needs to drop Christopher off, Karen is still home with Denny"

"thanks." And the line clicks and he's immediately asking Siri to call Eddie, not even thinking about the Shannon/Kim/Marisol bullshit because that handful of hours ago feels like a million years ago. He thinks for a second Eddie might not answer. He does by the thrid ring.

"Cap. Athena. Fire. Hospital. Cedar's." Bucks not even sure his brain could think of complete sentences anyways even if he wanted too. "Karen home Denny if Chris needs it" he adds. Almost a full sentence. Eddie gets it.

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Are you driving? Are you okay to drive?" Because of course Eddie knows. Eddie knows how much Buck cares about his whole team, his family, but especially Bobby. He remembers Buck's fear on the cruise ship. Or when Bobby was exposed to that radiation. Or any time Bobby wasn't okay. Because Buck wasn't either.

"fine. Almost there" the plus side of it being 2am? LA traffic isn't terrible.

----

Athena's stable. Smoke inhalation but nothing some oxygen can't fix. Bobby's heart stopped. Bobby was dead. Buck wonders if how he feels now was how Bobby and Eddie and Hen and Chim and Maddie felt after the lighting. When all they could do was sit. And wait. And pray. And hope for the best.

So that's what Buck does. He sits there. Staring at that lest text he sent. Waiting. And Hoping. And maybe he even prays a little.

(Weeks later, after Bobby is awake, and has a new phone to replace the one that burned with the house, the very first text he sends is a familiar "morning kid, I'm all good 🙂." Buck screenshots it to save forever.)

Also on A03