#maybe i’m just exaggerating bc i get emotional like that but

[mitskiluvr]

that body never belonged to you in the first place

[thehighladywrites]

THIS ISN’T GOODBYE, THIS IS SIMPLY SEE YOU LATER…

⋆˙⟡ pairing: ex husband/baby daddy rhysand x fem reader

⋆˙⟡ summary: people who love each other will always find their way back. you and rhys divorced a few years ago, but you will always love each other

⋆˙⟡ warnings: 18+, mdni light angst, hurt to comfort, fluff, smut, violent behavior (not rhysand), misogyny, they’re in love your honor😔

⋆˙⟡ amara’s note: i’m a little iffy about this bc i feel like it could be better but i hope you love it. The smut isn’t really that smutty, it’s more fluffy. Please, let me know what you think; leave a comment😌💗 also english isn’t my first language so if something doesn’t make sense, ignore💀 ALSO LISTEN TO CEILINGS BY LIZZY WHEN YOU GET TO THE RUNNING SCENE PLS IT’S GONNA MAKE SO MUCH SENSE (i hope)

Getting back into the dating scene after your divorce felt strange. Unbeknownst to you, you found yourself unconsciously comparing every man to Rhys, nitpicking on their behavior. Seated at a beautiful restaurant with a guy quite different from your usual choices, things seemed promising until he gave you some backhanded compliments.

“You say you're a doctor? You?” His words grated on your nerves, and you couldn't fathom why he was so shocked.

“Yes, I am. Is that surprising to you?” you retorted.

He chuckled nervously and shook his head. “No, no. I just pegged you for a nurse or something. You know, something more feminine.”

Your hopes deflated. Turns out, this guy wasn't different at all—he was just like every pompous and misogynistic man out there.

Keeping your cool, you fire back with a smirk,

“Is this coming from the person who just told me they bake for a living? I pegged your for a construction worker, you know, something more masculine.” With a smile you excuse yourself from the table, leaving him puzzled and perhaps questioning his outdated assumptions. Your departure left him to contemplate his lacking dinner date skills.

In the search for someone matching the love you'd known, you found yourself in a loop of comparing every date to Rhys. You shook your head, realizing you needed to stop this habit and maybe, just maybe, find happiness beyond those high standards.

With a dramatic exhale, you frowned, blaming Rhys for your lousy love life. After all, he had treated you like a goddess, setting extremely untouchable standards.

—

As if the mother herself had heard your wish, you finally met a somewhat decent man who wasn’t giving you any backhanded compliment or was making you feel uncomfortable. Although he was somewhat nice he was a little bland and not something you would typically go for. He was very nice with your daughters but could have a temper.

But beggars can’t be choosers right?

With utmost tenderness, you approached the conversation with your twin daughters, explaining the new man in your life. In soft words, you explained that mommy and daddy weren't together anymore, framing it as a journey of finding happiness even though you deep down weren’t feeling the happiness you portrayed. You emphasized the still-there love between you and their father, assuring them that sometimes people are just better off as friends.

Even though the news initially saddened them, your gentle touch in explaining the complexities of grown-up emotions, coupled with the warmth of your smile, melted their worries away. As they saw the happiness radiating from you, your daughters embraced the idea, understanding that your heart always carried love for them and their father.

Little did you know that your mischievous baby girls spilled the news to Rhysand, sharing every detail about the man you were seeing, your dates, and even telling him that you still loved Daddy. However, being the little dramatists they were, they exaggerated, making it seem like you were head over heels for him.

Despite almost three years of separation and the seemingly agreement to divorce, the twins' confession ignited a flame of jealousy in Rhysand. The mere thought of you going on dates and being entertained by other men stirred an irrational desire within him to claim you as his own. Witnessing other males treating you and touching you made him feel absolutely murderous.

He hates that you’re not together anymore, hates that you don’t wear your wedding ring even tho he wears his, he hates that he’s not by your side. But most of all he hates himself for ever letting your marriage break apart.

Rhys had attempted countless times to mend what was once whole, to win you back and rebuild what had crumbled. However, you always hesitantly turned him down, insisting that you couldn't put each other through that hurt again.

The fact that the girls spoke so highly of the man you were dating only fueled Rhysand's jealousy and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes dramatically. “Oh, he’s so nice, took us out for ice cream and we went to the theater,” they gushed. He couldn't shake the feeling that it should've been him – watching plays with you and your daughters, taking them out for ice cream together. The longing for the life he once had with you remained a persistent ache in his heart.

Of course he doesn’t let it go the next time you come around to drop off the girls

The joyful echoes of your daughters filled Rhysand's new and massive mansion, quickly greeting their father and saying goodbye before dashing inside, leaving you and Rhysand alone. Observing them run to the living room, playing with their new toys, you couldn't help but smile. With their father's violet eyes and dark hair, they were practically clones of Rhysand.

Caught in the moment, you looked up at Rhysand, finding his captivating eyes already fixed on you.

Fuck.

The intensity of his gaze almost made you forget the dinner plans with your boyfriend.

“I heard you were seeing someone,” he remarked, and you froze, feeling an unexpected twinge of embarrassment. It wasn't supposed to be a secret; you just weren't ready to share it yet. Trying to save face, you swallowed back any stutter and inquired,

“Who told you that?”

“My daughters told me all about him.”

That’s what you get for trusting 6 year olds. Your attempt at secrecy shattered, and you found yourself apologizing,

“Ah, sorry for not telling you about it; it's all very new, but the kids seem to like him. And I promise he wouldn’t be around them if i didn’t trust him.”

Rhysand's jaw ticked in frustration. Well, wasn't that just fucking great? Your daughters not only liked but loved the guy, and here you were, agreeing with them.

“So, you two hit it off. How marvelous.”

You sighed and looked away,

“Please, just don’t.”

Silence hung in the air as you both stood there, the weight of unspoken emotions filling the room. Breaking the silence, you sighed, signaling your readiness to leave your old house.

“Okay then, I'll be leaving now. I'll come pick them up later tonight. Thanks for watching them tonight, I know it was last minute. But, um, actually, can I pick them up tomorrow instead?” you asked, and Rhysand felt a flicker of suspicion, silently praying he was wrong.

“ I thought we agreed on tonight. Do you have other plans?” he inquired, hoping for a straightforward answer.

Your face flushed red as you considered explaining the evening's plans, but it felt wrong to share such details with Rhys. Opting for a lie, you hoped he wouldn't catch on.

“Oh, yeah, I've got some things I need to do at the hospital tonight. You know, just some reports on a few patients. Nothing major, but I might be a bit... worn out tonight, and that's why I need to pick them up tomorrow.”

The half-truth hung in the air, and Rhysand's suspicions lingered, creating a subtle tension in the farewell.

“So this has nothing to do with you going on a date with your little friend? Sorry, boyfriend.”

Before you could respond, Rhysand stepped closer, closing the gap until there was almost no room between you. You backed away slowly until your back hit the front door. His towering presence made you look up at him, a shiver running down your spine. Tilting his head, he approached your ear, and the soft words he spoke, combined with the warm breath on your skin, sent a wave of heat through your body.

“It should be us, love. Please come back to me,” he murmured, and your eyes fluttered shut, overwhelmed by the proximity. As his hands came around your waist, turning you around so your back rested against his sturdy chest, it became impossible to leave the embrace of his warmth. Deep down, a part of you didn't want to escape the intoxicating sense of his presence.

He pulls you even closer, wrapping his arms around your middle as his calm heartbeat pounds against your back, his words confessing a truth that breaks your heart twice.

Once, because the vision he paints sounds so ideal – the two of you getting back together, going on dates, playing with your daughters, being a whole family again. It's the life you had once dreamed of, the life you wanted with the man you spent centuries with, the father of your kids, your greatest love.

The second break comes with the painful reminder of why you found yourself in this mess in the first place. Rhysand had been too consumed by his work, constantly holed up in his office, neglecting the precious time with you and your daughters. Despite understanding the importance of his duties, you couldn't help feeling the sting of neglect. It reached a breaking point when your girls tearfully asked for their daddy every night, only to find he wasn't there.

Realizing the toll this dynamic took on your family's well-being, you made the difficult decision to part ways. Telling Rhys that you weren't good for each other at the moment, you emphasized the need for him to work on himself and find a balance between work and family.

As you gather the strength to move out of his grip, facing him becomes the hardest task.

Turning around to meet his gaze, his face reveals the devastation within. His once vibrant features now wear a sad and empty color. You utter words that add another layer to the heartbreak,

“Rhys, please, you know we can't. Someday but not now.”

His eyes gloss over as he whispers,

“Fate was not in our favor, my dear. But I swear on everything I have, I will do my best to earn you back.”

Tears well up as he kisses your forehead, whispering promises of finding a way back to you.

The weight of the unspoken goodbye lingers, and you walk away, hoping that time and healing would pave a path for the future you both yearned for.

Because you did want to be with him, you really fucking did, and you cried the whole way home. Rhys had given you the town house while he lived in the River estate. The tears flowed even more freely as you sat in your empty and silent house.

Each sob intensified as you went to your cold and empty bed, the very one that used to cradle him in – your husband, your heart. The ache of the empty space beside you was a painful reminder of the love that once filled those sheets, now replaced by solitude and the haunting echo of what had been lost.

—

Your puffy eyes opened slowly, abruptly yanked from a deep slumber by the pounding on your door. Glancing at the clock on your desk, the numbers 1:46 glared back at you – who the hell could it be at this hour? Irritated, you stumbled to the door, ready to chew out whoever dared disturb your sleep.

The door slammed open, revealing Sam standing there, visibly upset. Your still-sleepy brain failed to connect the dots fast enough, and it took a moment to register that you were supposed to be on a date with him tonight. The realization dawned, and you found yourself caught in the awkward aftermath of a missed arrangement, facing Sam with both confusion and exhaustion etched on your face.

“Where the hell have you been? I have been waiting for hours,” he exclaimed, his worried and angry eyes searching yours.

Feeling a twinge of guilt, you pulled him in by his hands, urging him to come inside. Apologizing over and over, you hugged him tightly, saying that you fell asleep over and over until he forgave you.

A part of you knew you did it to calm his potentially violent reaction.

“At least your alive. Next time, let me know so I don't look like a fucking idiot,” he said, his comment irking you despite understanding where he was coming from.

Stepping closer, you wrapped your arms around Sam's neck, pulling him into a distracting kiss that escalated quickly.

Before he could say anything more about the situation and grow even more angry you kissed him again, trying to shift his focus elsewhere, which was easy. He lifted you and walked you toward the bed, the same one you had shared with Rhys.

Suddenly, a wave of panic hit you at the thought of another male's scent mixing with Rhysand's. With huffed breath and panicked words, you interrupted the moment, “No, not the bed. Let's just use the couch instead.”

Your urgency left no room for argument as you pulled him toward the living room, desperate to avoid a mix of past and present that could overwhelm you with regret.

—

The birds chirping outside stirred you from your sleep as you stretched in your soft bed. Morning got here quicker than you thought. However, the warmth you felt next to you wasn't just the morning sun – it was Sam. Your eyes opened, facing the clock, you saw it was very early in the morning, 3:57. The memories of the previous hours hit you like a brick. A bigger realization followed – Sam's scent now filled the air, replacing the familiar citrusy aroma that had been your husband’s for centuries.

This revelation overwhelmed you, making you want to throw up as tears welled up as panic set in. Crying over this felt foolish, considering your separation from Rhys, but it made everything feel permanent and official, like there was no turning back. The chance to reconcile seemed lost.

As you stood up, the room spun with regret, and you slithered to the bathroom. The sight that greeted you made your stomach churn – bruises covered your neck, arms, and legs. Your hair was a mess, and your lips were swollen. More tears fell as regret, deep sorrow, and the weight of your choices consumed you.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

It wasn't supposed to be like this at all.

In your panicked state, you stepped into the shower, hoping to wash away not only the physical remnants of the night but also the emotional burden that clung to your every step.

The steaming shower brought no comfort, and as you shut it off and walked up to the mirror, wiping away steam, you saw a hollowness in your own eyes. The water didn't wash away the feel of Sam's hands on you. But you knew you could drink a tonic for the bruises, so you could atleast pretend it never happened.

Frustrated and heartbroken, you couldn't stop the tears from flowing. The one person you needed the most, Rhys, felt impossibly distant, intensifying the ache inside you.

Desperation took over, and wiping away tears, you threw on a robe, downed the healing tonic and quickly ran over to his house. Each step carried regret and a deep yearning to fix what had gone wrong.

Your Rhys, the father of your children, yours.

He was what you needed in the moment, he’d make it all better.

In the midst of irrationality and impulsivity, you could not find it in you to care about the consequences. All you needed was him.

You burst into his estate, slamming open the doors before frantically searching for him.

“Rhys?”

Your attempt at a yell came out as an ugly cry, tear-stained and choked.

Yet, it was enough to grab his attention.

Rhysand descended the stairs, clad only in pants, his trademark messy bedhead on display as worry etched across his face.

It was so unlike you, and it had him speculating the worst.

Before he could ask you any questions, you ran up to him and broke down in his arms. Rhysand immediately comforted you, picking you up, and hauling you upstairs to his bedroom.

No words were needed as he undressed your sobbing form and put you in his shirt before pulling you closer to him, making you sit in his lap.

Your face buried in his neck, tears dampening his skin. Rhysand, familiar with your ways, sensed you’d open up when ready. He sat, holding you, flooding your mind with love and reassurance without a single word.

Rhysand conjured a glass of water, holding it to your lips, ensuring you didn't exert yourself. As you downed the refreshing water, he gently tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, his hand lingering by your neck. His thumb traced soothing circles on your cheek, a silent gesture of comfort.

“Thank you, Rhysie. M’sorry for showing up like this but I just needed you.”

His gaze intensified, his grip firm yet reassuring as he held your chin, locking eyes with you. With a seriousness that touched deeply, he spoke, his words carrying a sense of unwavering commitment.

“You don’t apologize for it. I’m here for you, no matter what. Do you understand?”

You nod, throat closing up at the wave of emotions,

“I understand.”

He leans forward, kissing your forhead while cradling your head,

“Good girl. You want to tell me what’s going on?”

With teary eyes you look up to him and reveal what’s on your mind.

“I want us back together again. We belong together and I’m tired of pretending we don’t. I miss you so much. You’ve been working on yourself and I’ve been doing the same. I know we’re ready.”

Rhysand remained silent, his eyes studying you carefully. He sensed an emotional storm within you and was hesitant about decisions made in this state.

“I do not disagree. Reuniting our family, especially getting you back, my sweet girl, is my ultimate desire. But, I want you to sleep on it. I want us to discuss this when we're well-rested and more alert. What do you say?”

You knew you were being rash and quick, so you were thankful for Rhysand's guidance. You nodded in agreement.

He kissed your cheek and gently placed you under the sheets, joining you in bed. Rhysand pulled you closer, and soon you were resting on his chest, listening to the steady thudding of his heart.

“I’ve always loved you, Rhys, so much. I hope you know that.”

His heartbeat quickened as he pulled you even closer.

“I know, sweetheart. I love you too.”

—

The chirping birds and soft sunlight streaming through the window woke you up gently. Your body felt completely relaxed and at ease, knowing you were safe and sound. Stretching lazily, you sighed in contentment before rolling over in bed.

You felt the warmth of something next to you, so you snuggled closer, enjoying the comfort. After a few moments, you felt it stir.

The moving object was Rhysand. Your eyes widened, and for a moment, you almost scrambled away in panic before the events of this early morning flooded back to you.

Despite the fact that you had left your boyfriend alone in your house and now found yourself in your ex's bed, cuddled up to him, you didn't feel any panic. Instead, you felt indifferent. You felt surprisingly good, even better than before. You felt right. Like everything was in it’s place.

“Don't panic,” Rhysand murmured softly, reaching out to gently stroke your back. “We need to have that talk, darling.”

Nodding silently, you agreed to follow him downstairs, your mind racing.

You couldn't help but melt around him. There was no need to even use your brain around him. Rhys made everything feel delightful as he began fussing over you. He did everything from dressing you in the cutest outfits to gently brushing your hair. With his big, warm, comforting hands, he led you downstairs, making every step feel like a new chapter starting.

Once in the kitchen, Rhysand set to work, expertly whipping up breakfast as you watched him, a knot of anticipation forming in your stomach. You knew this conversation was important, but you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort as you observed his familiar movements in the kitchen.

You couldn't help but admire Rhysand as he moved around the kitchen, his muscles flexing with every movement. He had a newfound confidence about him, a certain dad-like aura that only added to his appeal. His masculine energy was buzzing, and combined with his good looks, it was hard not to be drawn to him. Rhys had grown impossibly more majestic and stunningly handsome in the years you were seperated.

Rhysand caught you staring, and a playful smirk tugged at his lips. “Like what you see?” he teased, his voice low and suggestive. The heat rose to your cheeks as you quickly looked away, unable to hide your blush.

“Maybe I do,” you whisper teasingly, a hint of mischief in your voice.

“Careful,” he warns with a playful glint in his eyes, matching your flirtatious tone.

As he handed you a plate filled with nostalgic food, you couldn't help but feel touched by his thoughtfulness. He had even removed the bits you didn’t like, showing that he remembered even the smallest details about you. It warmed your heart to know that he still cared so deeply.

After you finished eating, he cleared his throat with a serious yet excited tone and said, “Let's talk.”

With a nod, you accept and he extends his hand, guiding you to a cozy sitting room.

“Where are the twins?” you ask, curious when you don’t hear or see your daughters.

“They’re with Cassian and Nesta. They came and picked them up earlier this morning,” he responds.

You nod again, then sit down on the cushy couch next to him.

“Rhys, I’ve thought about it for a while, and I think yesterday just cemented it for me. I think I’m ready for us again, and I’ve missed us together. What do you think? I mean, do you want me too?”

He flashed you his most sincere and hidden smile he only showed you and grabbed your chin with his pointer and thumb

“Sweetheart, I’ve missed you more than words can express. Of course, I want us to be together again. You are my everything and I will never again risk you.”

He took a deep breath and looked down, his voice filled with remorse.

“I've hated myself for letting you go so easily. I wasn't there for you or the girls, and it will always be my biggest regret. I vow to never again disappoint you and to do everything in my power to earn back your trust in my presence. Please forgive me.”

As the faint burn of the promising bargain tattoo emerges on both his and your wrists, a soft smile graces your lips. With gentle assurance, you reach out and place your hand on his, your touch offering comfort and calmness.

“Rhys, I forgive,” you say sweetly and hopeful. “I've missed you, and I want us to be together again. Let's leave the past behind us and focus on building a future together, okay?”

Feeling his arms around you, you melt into the hug, wrapping your arms around his neck. His touch is comforting, and you revel in the warmth of his warmth. As he gently squeezes your waist, you giggle, feeling a sense of joy wash over you.

He attacked your cheek with kisses, making him land on top of you on the couch as your back rested on the seats.

“But I think we should take it slow. Maybe start off by going on dates.”

He pulls back and looks at you, his gaze intense yet tender. “Yes. Let's take it slow. We have all the time in the world, no need to rush.”

You both sit there, locked in a silent exchange, the air thick with anticipation as you inch closer to each other.

“We definitely shouldn't kiss, right?” you ask, feeling the heat of his breath mingling with yours.

His arms tighten around you as he speaks softly, his words grazing your lips. “We shouldn't.”

The moment your lips touch, tears prick at the corners of your eyes. It's been so long since you felt the familiar warmth of his kisses, the feeling of home in his embrace. Rhysand, your darling, the love of your life—you've missed him more than words can express.

As the kisses grow more messy and desperate, a soft whimper escapes your lips, causing his eyes to darken with desire.

A sudden panic washed over you at the thought of your now ex-boyfriend waking up to find you gone.

“Rhys, I have to go back and end things with Sam,” you blurted out, your voice raspy and flustered between kisses.

Rhys's expression darkened as he heard about your ex-boyfriend.

“I'll handle it,” he declared, determination lacing his voice.

“What does that mean?” you pressed, curious and a little concerned.

He responded with a secretive smile, kissing you again, his touch making you melt into him.

“Don’t worry your little head about it. I got it covered,” he assured, his tone confident and reassuring.

So you let it go. If he said he had it handled, then you trusted him to take care of it.

His assurance left you feeling cared for, sparking a desire for more. More of him, and more of that comforting reassurance he provided.

Before you could voice your need for him, he beat you to it. With a tender kiss on your forehead, he spoke softly.

“I’m going to take you upstairs and make up for lost time. But before we start, I’m going to feed you a little bit more. Don’t argue, you’re going to need the energy.”

Your mind went blank, slipping into a submissive state, ready to follow his lead without question.

With a nod, you rose from your seat, arms outstretched in silent compliance.

“That’s my girl,” he murmured as he lifted you effortlessly, cradling you in his arms. With each step towards the kitchen, his gentle strokes on your hair and whispered promises of what lay ahead sent shivers down your spine, heightening the anticipation of what was to come.

After quickly eating the food he conjured up, you stood up in a rush and grabbed his hand, urging him to take you upstairs right away.

He chuckled and scooped you up, showering kisses on your lips and neck as he carried you upstairs, your legs instinctively wrapping around his middle.

Your nails dig into his scalp, head thrown back as you whimper with pleasure. Your toes curl as his teeth graze against a sensitive spot, his smirk growing against your skin.

“Tell me, darling. How do you want it today?”

You're only aware that you're inside the bedroom when he sets you down in front of the bed.

You know exactly how you want it. You want him to take charge, dominating your every move, just like he used to. Rhys knew how quickly you submitted to him, and he had a hunch of how tonight would go. It was easy slipping into those roles with him in charge. So you look up at him with a shy smile, fondling with the strings of his dark linen pants, and tell him.

“Can we please do level four?”

Pride spread across him at your good manners. He loved that you still knew what to do even after years of not being together.

He would have sent all his loving emotions through the bond if it existed. The absence of a bond between him and you always seemed abnormal. Both of you questioned the Mother’s decision all the time, hiding the fact that you both were scared of the possibility of your mates popping up and claiming the other.

Shaking away his thoughts, he smiled at your words again and complied.

Step by step, he undressed you, his eyes never leaving yours. Rhysand’s eyes dropped to your pebbled nipples, goosebumps erupting on your skin at the intense attention he gave you.

“You still remember the safe word?” he rasped out, his pupils expanding as you nodded, your lips nervously caught between your teeth.

He pounced on you, eagerly kissing you in a brusing manner as he tightened his arms around you. Rhys slowly made you back, resulting in you falling backwards into the bed before he climbed on top of you.

His hands found your waist amd subtly squeezed before sliding up to your boobs and playing with your hardened nipples.

You whimpered in pleasure, making him smile as he lowered his mouth to attatch to your right breast. His wet, warm tounge swirled around the bud, biting and licking soothingly. He repeated the move on the other side, reveling in the way you were squirming under him.

“Is it too much, sweetheart?”

“Not enough.”

So his hand slid down your body until his thumb brushed over your throbbing clit. Your eyes rolled back when he put pressure on it, rubbing tight circles against you. It was almost mortifying how quick you melted and lost your mind.

A few more circles and you’d be cumming. Almost, almost.

The pleasure was short-lived when he removed his thumb, causing you to pout slightly as your brows furrowed in confusion.

“No teasing. You can play later, I’ve missed you too much.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a heated makeout session.

You also wrapped your legs around his waist and whispered against his lips,

“I need you so bad, please. I need your entire being.”

He slipped one finger in, sliding in all too easily. So he added another finger and felt your walls pulse around him. Rhys pulled them out before shoving them back in, repeating the move, stroking your walls. He curled his fingers inside as he carefully watched your face morph from a begging expression to a fucked out smile.

“I will give you whatever your heart desires,” he murmured against your lips before kissing you again. As he did, he conjured his massive and majestic wings, spreading them proudly behind him, a breathtaking display of power.

Your wobbly smile melted into tears of joy as you whispered, “There you are,” feeling overwhelmed by the rush of emotions at seeing him again.

Rhys didn’t waste a single second, pulling you forward and slowly positioning himself in front of you. He held onto his cock, letting the tip trace your pussy, circling it and letting your wetness drip onto his cock. Stroking the wetness along his cock, he used it as a lubricant before he slid himself inside you.

Rhys pulled out and then in again until his entire cock was stuffed in you. He then leaned forward, putting his forehead in the crook of your neck, gently biting and sucking hickies onto your skin. He began thrusting, harder and harder. The entire room echoing with skin slapping, groans and pornstar-like moans.

Rhysand’s gripped your hips in a brusing manner, rocking them back and forth forth as he moved his own hips.

He lifted his head and gently brought his hand to your face, cupping your chin as he murmured,

“You're mine. Mine to love, to fuck, to have.”

You nod eagerly, your need evident.

“Only yours, baby. Forever and always, yours.”

He growled softly and turned your body around so you were on all fours. Gripping your hair, he pulled it back, causing your back to arch against his chest.

Rhysand put his dick back in and pumped deliciously against that spongy spot that had you acting like a mindless fool.

“You got fucked this good while we were seperated, hm?”

His hand snaked up and held your neck, applying a gentle pressure, a hint of restraint, as he taunted you.

Of course, he already knew the answer. But it was always nice to hear it from you.

“M-right, there, no one compares to you. No one could ever, ah fuck, do me this good. P-please, let me cum.”

“Fuck, yeah that’s right. But I think it’s a little too early for you to cum. I told you I wanted to make up for lost time. We’re nowhere near done.”

You let out a whine at the denial, a little vexed that he didn’t give you permission yet. But you knew he had plans so you decided to wait in hopes of getting something better.

“Good things come for good girls, you know that right?”

“I understand. Just keep going.”

You knew you forgot to add a please and were more than happy when he gave your puffy clit a slap.

“Manners.”

“Keep going, please.”

He chuckled at how quick you gave in and kissed your cheek, letting go of your hair and pushing you forward to your elbows and knees. Rhys grabbed your hips and gave you deep, slow and intentional strokes. Almost like he wanted you to cum early.

Rhys kept going for a long time, bringing you to the edge, only to snatch away pleasure in the last second. You were tired but knew all of this was building up into the most intense and powerful orgasm ever.

“Do you know how much I love you? Do you have any idea how deep my love for you goes?”

Cue the waterworks.

Really, his words started making you bawl right there. With concern etched on his face, he gently moved you into missionary, turning the back-breaking backshots into a tender moment. As he pushed in for the last time, he hovered above you, his forearms on either side of your head, kissing your puffy lips.

“I love you too, Rhysie, so, so much. There's really no one I love more than you.”

Your words were raspy and choked, his words were sweet and understanding.

“I know, sweet girl. I know you do.”

Suddenly, a snap felt in your chest. You both locked eyes, breathing heavily as you felt a thread weaving your very souls together. Tears prickled in your eyes at his words.

As the realization of the mating bond sinked in, a warm glow envelops both of you, filling the room with a sense of love and belonging. Rhysand's eyes softened even more, if that's possible, as he gazed into your tear-filled eyes.

“You're my mate,” he whispered, his voice filled with awe and reverence. “My soulmate, my other half.”

You reached up to cup his cheek, feeling the connection between you grow stronger with each passing moment. “And you're mine,” you replied, your voice filled with emotion. “Forever and always.”

Rhysand moved quicker and quicker, finally allowikg you to cum.

You were on the verge of passing out, the only reason there was any sort of fight in you left was because of the charged bond.

Before he pulled out, you locked your legs around him and begged him to stay inside. He did and slumped on top of you, his head resting on your raising and falling chest. You ran your hands through his damp, dark hair and reveled in warmth when he wrapped his wings around the two of you.

You both rest for a while before starting up again. Normally, a session like this would have you knocked out cold but you guessed it was the fresh bond.

The entire day was spent tangled in sheets and fucking in showers, other rooms, hallways, kitchens, roofs. Rhysand also sent a mental message to everyone in the inner circle, breaking the news and asking them not to disturb you for at least a week. He also asked Cassian to keep looking after the girls and warned that anyone who got too close would likely die.

—

You and Rhys, lay together in a pile of fluffy blankets and pillows on the floor, the bed damaged and broken from the week’s activities.

“Rhys, do you know what I think? I think it’s kind if poetic that we broke up and then became mates. I mean, it sounds very romantic.”

He chuckled and pulled you closer to his chest.

“You know what? I agree. The Mother does work in mysterious ways. I guess we weren’t ready before.”

You smile at him and nod,

“I’m glad we find our way home.”

With a tender look and a sweet kiss, he whispered,

“As am I, darling.”

🏷️ taglist: @tayswhp @jenjen-0-x @itsinherited @thisblogisaboutabook @luvmoo @se7enteen--black-blog @feyretopia @possiblyphobia @azriels-mate2 @sfhsgrad-blog @readychilledwine @amara-moonlight @tothestarsandwhateverend @blupblupfish @cleverzonkwombatsludge @iloveazrielshadowsinger @cat-or-kitten @dreamlandreader @honeybeeboobaa @queerqueenlynn @rowaelinsdaughter @redbleedingrose @clairebear08 @danikamariewrites @midnight-and-books @ruler-of-hades @annaaaaa88 @thebeautifulmysteriesoflife @stasiereads @harryshoobies69 @itsagrimm @a-dorkier-book-keeper @b0xerdancer @erikan809 @glittervame

[yunogf]

lmao i asked bc, as you said in your tags, there was a certain way that it comes across as with how you’re talking about it, so i genuinely wondered bc i was gonna listen to it as well. i’ve been reading plenty of comments about it as well that mostly just lean on “aoty” “soty” “best album ever” and i get that these are (hopefully) exaggerated claims by stans, but i was seriously yet to see a decent comment about its musicality. it’s either about his face in the mv or his voice or the aesthetic of the mv. nothing on the lyricism or the instrumentations or its creativity or depth, so i was hesitant. i get liking it, but i doubt its being “the best”, so when i saw that your comments were the same, i began to wonder if this is another case of exaggerated praises and it’s just... meh at best. nothing new and all that. i am still gonna listen to it on my own ofc but, i guess, since i’m not really his fan, i’m not all excited. amazing debuts usually create tractions of their own, and i don’t hear much for this, but i ain’t judging based on that ofc. anyway, no need to feel attacked. as i said, i was genuinely curious so i asked. i’m well aware that i have ears. i was just genuinely curious about what you actually thought about it, what with your unhinged tags and whatnot. that’s all.

hard to gain traction when ur company announces ur album 2 weeks before it drops!

i was thrown by your wording and i still kind of am but i don't listen to music i don't enjoy and that's across the board for any artist bc....why would i do that lol and maybe ur not in the right circle being a casual fan/non-fan bc I've seen most ppl talk abt the musicality along with everything else 🤔

ik u said u were genuinely asking and i appreciate the explanation but im picking up on an overall unimpressed tone ("hopefully exaggerated" "doubt it being the best" ?) and it feels like u've made up ur mind about jaehyun and his music and ur asking me to give u a reason to change ur mind/care/be impressed but that's not my job ur free to make ur own opinion to me it seems ur going in with a half formed one already but it's music so like it or leave it either way is okay! ur under no obligation!

I'm sorry if being a kpop stan (im assuming...?) has made u feel disillusioned by solo releases tho i understand bc ppl are often overhyped by fans but jaehyun is a music enjoyer who did his homework and worked with artists he himself is a fan of and the payoff is really good music

overall ur ask is very uninformed which if ur not a fan is understandable but as a native english speaker myself listening to an album that is almost entirely in english from a nonnative speaker i have to say the lyrics are very well done they make sense create good metaphor and aren't superficially about balling or making a lot of money (i loathe to hear this often in eng versions of kpop songs lol) and jaehyun is credited as a lyricist on almost every song afaik

the production value is solid "can't get you" has an entire band accompaniment (the trumpet >>>>>) he wrote/worked on "flamin hot lemon" with emotional oranges (one of my fave artists actually <3) so that one is Excellent in every regard esp for a song inspired by cheetos lmao I've said numerous times that none of the songs sound like they were created with the intent of 30 secs going viral on tiktok (a very important differentiation for me) and one of my favorites parts about the title track "smoke" is the outro it's soooo good there's an unexpected bit of piano that he adlibs along with >>>> and the ballad "completely" has a Gorgeous piano backing to it (the lyrics on this one are also so beautiful)

my excitement about the release may have overwhelmed me so i might not have broken down each song beat by beat but rest assured i'm not wasting time on music i don't enjoy

in summation the album is good and on a separate unrelated note he just happens to be really hot ❤️

[norfkid]

finished playing through Still Wakes The Deep a while ago & still have so many thoughts and questions about it in my brain. i don't make a habit of doing this but i've attempted to articulate (as best as i could, with a mix of some gorgeous & shite screencaps) some of them below. spoilers and gore warning❗️

an obvious psychological symptom is that rig workers that transform into these meatmonsters (google tells me the unknown entity is known as The Shape btw) still retain some part of their subconscious or psyche.

for example, a lot of Muir's dialogue was about being left alone. he was confused bc his friends kept running away, even tho he Just Wanted To Help. his fears were that they’d abandoned him, and more so than the others (which i’ll mention later), he doesn't seem to be aware of the violence and harm he's inflicting on his friends. a beautiful detail adding to that is that i don't think any of the workers Muir killed had been transformed, mutated, or absorbed (do correct me if i’m wrong). like Dobbie and Sunil, their bodies were left untouched and in relatively ordinary sitting positions, in complete stark contrast to the bodies left in the wake of pricks like Rennick and Trots.

speaking of, after the initial incident occurs, we first encounter Trots in the laundry room attempting to use the machines & grumbling about the tidiness of things ("i told them it's not right” / “do they even notice the mess?"). clearly we suspect his mind is infected, showing signs that The Shape is manipulating him in some way, but still he continues slamming the machine doors closed.

Rennick was obviously (a massive cunt. insane kudos to Clive Russell for his brilliant performance btw) fuming at Caz from the get-go. when he's infected he becomes enraged and malicious, shouting after him things like, "i told you to go, McLeary! i'll make you fucking go…" etc. how poetic is it that Rennick, with his inflated sense of ego and pride, becomes a meatmonster whose head is Literally too big for the room.

why were Trots, Muir, Rennick, Gibbo, and Addair the only ones to become like this. was it purely random? did something about who they were or how they died determine their transformation? is there some psychological or biological compatibility with them and The Shape?

regardless of any definitive answers, it’s interesting to think about. what remains of these people’s existence when infected seems to be some rooted insecurity or fear of theirs, or perhaps a continuation/parody of what they were experiencing or thinking the moment before compromise, or maybe it’s simply some grotesque and exaggerated aspect of their personality or behaviour…

this can be said for Caz too, despite not having truly changed, as every time he comes into contact with The Shape he enters this catatonic, dream-like state where he's consumed by his own memories. Suze's voice even seems to haunt him later, and things she’s said reverberate in his mind, manipulated just to torment him.

personally i’d be curious to know if this is all Actually deliberate as part of The Shape’s absorption of their bodies, or if it’s just a by-product or symptom. does it feeds on or use these heightened aspects of humanity (their personalities, fears, emotions) to function? do they have motivations beyond just removing those that intruded in their territory (i have an unarticulated white blood cell/antibodies analogy to compare this to, somewhere…)

another thing i’d love more info on is what exactly occurs inside the human body when The Shape invades. during the game you come across countless assimilated bodies left immobile and static around the rig. they have impossibly contorted limbs, either mutated, or abnormally large, and sometimes they even have extra limbs (i swear i saw a meatpile with three noses somewhere). it's unclear whether this organism actually feeds on humans… but some workers turn into monstrosities and some become these immobile, living macabre sculptures. why? and who's to say any of them are actually even dead?

finally, i feel there there's smth to say about the genetic/biological/DNA motif in this game. it could definitely be described better, by someone who isn’t me, but it’s distinctly symbolic of human beings (and whether it’s deliberate or not, i don’t know).

to wrap this up i’ll just highlight the most significant moment that captured that for me. towards the end of the game you overlook the remains of the upper deck and bear witness to the near-final of The Shape having gradually risen up from the ground. it’s illuminated by a haunting pinkish-red glow, an amalgamation of twisted, fleshy tendrils and metal bridges spiral upwards towards the sky like a double-stranded helix… like DNA…

[captain-hawks]

I'm out picking fig leaves amd red dates rn but I got a post notifications with you being hard on your writing and I just want to come on here real quick to give you a big ole hug. Your writing is BEAUTIFUL and compelling and I love the way you pull so many scenarios out of seemingly thin air. I love all the directions your mind goes and the way you bring to life all the scenarios you weave. And I truly mean to use the word "weave" bc even your short drabbles are rich in world building. They don't feel like little disconnected stories so much as they feel like part of a world that I, as a reader, am somehow already hazily familiar with despite just being dropped into the story. It feels like I've been watching this friendship/love/general relationship grow for a while and someone turned up the volume for this little snippet and it's coming through clearly. It feels like a beautiful quilt of unique crocheted squares that all come together to form something enriching and gorgeous and leaves me simultaneously sated and yearning for more!!! Idk how you do it!! Ilysm and you're the whole reason im even active on tumblr basically. I've been a lurker for at least a decade and a half but reading your work gave me the final push to get over my internet shyness to let people know when i enjoy The Thing They Made. I'm so sorry if none of this made sense btw I am being eaten ALIVE by mosquitoes but goddammit I want to make fig leaf creme brulee and creme anglaise and maybe mesquite honey fig leaf ice cream. I've been putting off making yeasted donuts but it might be time to try so I can make fig leaf custard and shove that in there too 🌿

also I keep getting hit in the head by raining dates. ouch.

i’ve had to re-read this message multiple times today because i just keep getting so overcome with a giant tidal wave of emotions every time i start. 

i don’t even know where to begin to start expressing how thankful i am for all of your endlessly thoughtful and incredibly meaningful observations (that you always put SO much time and effort into sharing with me!!!). no amount of verbal gratitude feels like it will fully suffice to encompass just how impactful your feedback has been and continues to be. the fact that those are your takeaways from my work is genuinely one of the biggest, most lovely compliments i could ever receive as a writer. i’m not exaggerating in the slightest when i say that all of the kind things you’ve said have a forever home in my brain and heart. 

i appreciate you so so so so so very much, friend<3 and i’m so happy you’re doing your thing on here now and interacting because you are literally a whole entire ray of light.

anyway I HOPE YOUR FIG AND DATE ADVENTURES END UP FRUITFUL!!!! i am once again weeping at the promise of what sounds like another incredibly tasty creation of yours 😭

[whoreraccoon]

Sometimes ppl are like “I hate fandoms misinterpretation of characters this character is Not an iPad kid they’re not even the right age to be one!!!!! You’re disregarding the depth of this character and the trauma they’ve went through to get to where they are!!!!!” And I’m like, I thought that was a joke? Like we’re making fun of them by over exaggerating one aspect of their personality and making jokes abt it? I didn’t think those were serious interpretations of that character? Like the persassy thing where Percy is a little shit but like has other emotions and isn’t always a little bitch but sometimes he is so we make jokes abt it bc it’s funny? Maybe I’m just out of the loop but I didn’t think it was “this character is an iPad kid and spends all day playing Roblox /srs”

[violentviolette]

I’m going to try to ask this in the best faith possible bc I realize how like loaded conversations around mental illness and pathologizing behavior is, esp wrt npd and aspd especially. You talk a lot about how pathologizing abuse and otherwise shitty behavior is bad and how with trauma, our behaviors (as I’m cluster b as well, jury’s out on aspd) are usually deeply unhealthy and destructive, but wherein is the difference between just being a shitty person growing up and being antisocial? Or developing npd?

The diagnostic criteria for aspd is like being generally destructive towards ourselves and others, but where does the line become “I was destructive as part of developing aspd” and “I was destructive as a child because society rewards bullies and punishes victims and I was a little shit”? Im, again, not trying to start anything, I am legitimately confused and concerned even where there are people who do not fit the model for aspd but do shitty things and people who do fit the model and do shitty things. What part is the disorder?

The reason I’m not entirely sure if I have aspd is because I’m not entirely sure that the criteria I met as a kid (and as an adult) should be pathologized as aspd. Like maybe I really just am not a good person and shouldn’t slap a “mentally ill” label on it? Just like I shouldn’t expect people to armchair dx bad people with npd and aspd, where is the destructiveness inherent to the disorder and when is it just being a shitty person? I hope I asked this correctly.

Im trying to get a hold of like understanding and unpacking things and I don’t want to further demonize the disorder by saying “oh I did these things so I must be aspd”, but I don’t want to erase my struggles or do that radical positivity where it’s almost infantilizing where “uwu you can have aspd and be perfect nondestructive angels uwu nothing you do ever is bad and you’re valid” either. I may have exaggerated the positivity a bit 😂, I wouldn’t go so far, but I don’t want to further demonize the disorder if I just was a shit person but I don’t want to shit on pwaspd who, I suppose, “aren’t perfect”. Idk. I hope this comes across the way I mean it to.

i think i understand what u mean, and i think, in my opinion, the answer is that there is no such thing as an ontologically bad person. people do things for a reason, and while those reasons arent always good reasons, they're never as simple as "because they're a bad person"

this is especially true when looking at childhood behavior. there is genuinely no such thing as an inherently bad kid. children do not act out for no reason. there is no such thing as a child who is just a little shit. genuinely that does not exist. because children learn their behavior solely from their environment, every willful behavior a child exhibits (so anything that isnt a reflex like breathing or babies crying) they learned from the environment around them. so if a child is behaving badly, that means the adults around it are behaving badly. that means that child is being treated badly first, before they then go on to mimic and repeat that behavior and to be clear im talking specifically about disordered behavior, all kids go through periods of acting out and being emotional and impulsive. so im excluding normal ranges of behavior. because kids that are destructive in these ways are so for a reason, and that reason is never ever because "they're just bad." that is a myth that adults use to excuse, normalize, and justify child abuse, because they dont want to believe and admit that they are abusing their children, that their behavior is a problem that needs to change. if a child is exhibiting deep antisocial behavior, if they're destructive, if they lie, if they hurt other kids or animals, if they dont show remorse or any emotional connection to their actions, if they're emotionally volatile, if they're acting out in aggressive or dangerous ways, if they're mean and vindictive and go out of their way to hurt others, if they take joy in causing others discomfort and upsetting them, then those children are being abused. those symptoms do not manifest for no reason or because a kid is just a shitty person. that'd be like saying an infection isnt caused by bacteria entering ur bloodstream, it's just something that happens to some people because they suck, u know? the wound cannot come before the blow. in order to exhibit these symptoms as children, something has to have happened. for cluster b pds specifically and the overall list of symptomatic behaviors they cover, those things cannot and will not manifest in people unless they undergo trauma through prolonged abuse. if they were being raised in healthy, loving, emotionally stable environments, then they would not be exhibiting those symptoms in those ways.

this is such a huge lie that people who grow up in abusive households get taught, that some people are just shitty and awful and evil, that yea sure there's people with real problems but thats not us, we're just spoiled, selfish, entitled, needy, shitty, ect. ect. bad kids and that's why we're like this. thats why they treat us so badly, because we're just inherently awful and they're just reacting to that. because if they were to admit otherwise that would mean admitting that their behavior is actually the issue and their actions are wrong, so the problem has to just be us, not them.

i dont know if these are things that resonate with u, but i know for a lot of cluster b's we often find ourselves in the beginning going through this period of being like "but im just shitty and thats why im like this" because our entire worldview revolves around logic that isnt actually reality or healthy truth, it's abuse. and because we've lived our whole lives inside that abuse bubble of logic we dont even realize how deeply we've internalized it until times like these

so i think those are important things to consider and remember when thinking about all this and i hope that made sense and was helpful. feel free to ask followups or for clarification if i got too rambly somewhere and lost the point or just made no sense lol

[riverstardis]

crazy little thing called love:

the previous episode’s post isn’t showing up in the tag for some reason? not for me at least

alicia’s parents are back together… but not for long!

cal’s leaving alicia a surprise in her locker because he feels bad about not trusting her but he discovers that she has a second phone💀

ah alicia’s dad’s “business partner”

oh look they’re kissing!

aand he ends up pinned against a skip by his car🙃

LMAOO alicia goes “ethan you remember my mam yeah?” and he goes “yes, you had the gonorrhoea! … sorry…” SKDKFKKFG WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT😭😭😭 ohhh i miss him

oh yeah this is cal meeting alicia’s parents for the first time lol

i love dylan’s outfit

oop cal’s noticed martin holding howard’s hand

lmaoo ethan telling cal how it was awkward having to treat alicia’s mum after the whole sti thing and cal just didn’t know about that at all so ethan explains how she got it off the dad because “apparently he was sleeping around with other women” and cal’s like “well i’m not sure about that last part” 😭😭😭

cal says do you think being a player runs in the family and shows ethan alicia’s secret phone and guesses her pin because she’d leant him her bank card to get drinks one night (her pin is 4421 if anyone was wondering - for her bank and her secret phone💀)

she has flirty messages with “loverboy” that mention scrubs so they know it must be someone in the hospital

it always makes me laugh how ethan is very clearly just as upset, if not more upset, than cal is at this development, and not in a supportive brother way! but cal just doesn’t notice at all😭

cal tries to say martin can’t come into resus but alicia’s like “come on cal, martin and my dad are close” and cal’s like “you’re telling me”😬😬 so of course they then have to come clean

alicia telling them the origin of her nickname ‘scoobie’🥺🥺

“i always loved you jackie, i never lied about that. but you knew my parents, you think my father would’ve accepted a gay son 40 years ago? my friends? so i did what everyone was telling me to do, i conformed. and then i met you and we had alicia, my beautiful little girl, and suddenly i’ve got everything in the world to lose”😥😥

aww he’d been with martin for over 9 years

gem’s had 2 weeks added on to her sentence

cal’s now having second thoughts about meeting up with alicia’s “mystery man” because “maybe sometimes things are better left alone” and ethan goes “we need to know, cal” WE???? then he corrects himself “i mean, you need to know”😭😭😭 ohh ethan you’re soo lucky cal’s distracted

LMAOO louise getting noel and max to model wedding dresses for duffy

“loverboy” turns out to be max and he’s SO confused. ethan’s like “you’re sleeping with alicia? behind his back?” well one of you certainly did! max is still so confused bc he didn’t know he’d been talking to alicia and ethan PUNCHES HIM AND CAL HAS TO HOLD HIM BACK😭😭

that’s soo out of left field for ethan and i remember people at the time theorising that this was a sign of his huntington’s starting as aggression irritability and mood swings are often some of the first symptoms and even now i still think that makes the most sense. with hindsight idk if that’s what the writers were actually going for because they never made it explicit or anything but it could be! the psychiatric symptoms often start years before motor symptoms (the prodromal stage) and ofc from cal’s death onwards it’s impossible to pick out what’s caused by hd from what’s caused by, well, literally everything else, but at this point this really stands out. he’s obviously hurt and angry, as is cal, but his reaction is so extreme and sudden, like his emotional response has been exaggerated

tbh the writers probably just thought it was funny to have ethan reacting in a way that’s obviously not just anger on cal’s behalf but cal still not notice anything suspicious. and it is funny!

alicia tells them she was just pranking max😭😭

“we’ve had fun together, cal, haven’t we? why’ve we stopped?” “i do trust you” “you hardly know me, not really. which is why it worked so well before, it was just” “fun” “everything eventually falls apart when it’s held together by a lie” :( she seems like she’s about to tell him about sleeping with ethan but then she changes her mind

poor alicia :(

aw louise bursts into noel’s interview to tell them how he saved a kids life and the machines can’t do that

aww jackie realises that howard loves and needs martin and goes and tells martin to go and be with him. funny how she didn’t need to try and rape him isn’t it🤔🤔

LMAO charlie and duffy are practising their first dance in the staff room and some others are watching them but then dylan comes in and puts his tea in the microwave without even acknowledging them and they’re all staring at him and he genuinely doesn’t even realise why😭😭😭😭 i love him sjskdkfkk

robyn goes to cal “hey that’s gonna be you and alicia next” yeahhh i don’t think so

they’re all getting ready for the stag do and duffy says to bring charlie back in one piece lmao well they will eventually

max tries to get dylan to come but he’s like “i don’t think there’s a thing in the world worse than stag nights” but then he says they can give him a lift to the kennels because he has to pick dervla up and max is like “you can do whatever you want, you’re driving” “you what?” “everyone else has had a drink” “oh my god this day just gets better and better doesn’t it” skskfkgkgk

alicia tells cal that her parents split up but it’s probably for the best and cal’s like “yeah it’s never easy though, no matter how old you are” hmm interesting… definitely sounds like he’s implying his parents split up which again doesn’t fit with the original backstory richard winsor talked about where ethan stayed at home and had a more family oriented upbringing than cal did does it?

lmao cal makes alicia think he’s proposing and the absolute FEAR in her eyes SJSKDKFK but it’s just lingerie and he’s like “see we can still have fun together”

cal’s like “we good?” and alicia says yeah… but not for long!

alicia goes “bet you give these to all your girlfriends” and cal goes “only the ones i’m in love with” oh poor cal

lmaoo ethan gives cal his stag do t-shirt and shows him his which says ‘barry 2017 world tour “ethan-ator”’ and cal’s like “oh you are not my brother” and ethan just laughs and goes “THE ETHAN-ATOR” DNDKSKJFF just how much has he had to drink already??? he’s also wearing it OVER his shirt???

the cuff link falls out of cal’s jacket as he goes to get changed and he says to charlie “can you believe i nearly blew it all for that?” and charlie’s like “but you didn’t!” but then ethan comes back over, notices it, and goes “hey where’d you get that? i’ve been looking for that everywhere!” and cal is SHOOK but ethan has no idea what he just revealed😭😭

yay the stag the dog and the sheep time!!!!!

[jiminrings]

hi hannah!!!! i have risen from the dead (exaggeration for nursing school 🤧). Still owe you a lot of reviews for your fics (i wanted them to have their own little detailed review because it's that good.) However time is literally not on my side with the amount of stuff we have to do 😭.

But whenever I feel sad or down, your fics truly give me comfort. Rereading your fics doesn't feel repetitive to me and I relive each emotion every single time. I am so happy that you are getting the recognition you truly deserve and it makes me really happy seeing a lot of people share the same sentiment too. With your creativity and way with words, you allowed us to venture into this little bubble of happiness (even the angst hurts so good).

Love every single fic, every drabble, and even some of the bullet point fics you stow away in yout old masterlist that you might find cringy now. I may not be here since day 1, but I witnesses you grow and improve your writing and I am so so so proud.

I have been stanning bts for 8 years now and I have read thousands of fics already. I have seen great fics, but yours just hits home. It's like coming home to your comfort food and hits all the right spots. Anyway, maybe I am getting emotional since I saw Jin's IG post, but you truly deserve the appreciation! 🫶🏻

BAEEEEEE YOU’RE BACK I MISSED U ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 dw about anything at all bc life has been so busy for me too </3 you’ve been here for a long time and i am so so soooooo grateful for ur presence here in the first place bc whew!!!!! i will go into tears if i go into detail!!!! thank u for letting my writing (and me by extension) become part of ur comfort!! Im Emotional Too From Jin’s Post and u get me so well and i feel so overwhelmed w love rn and ur asks always make me feel like i’m home thank u always love yew 💗💗💗💗

[sincerely-krp]

no one’s out here sexualizing minors. none of these rps allow minors. they’re all adults. take that out of your argument bc that’s not even at all what we’re talking about // not any of the previous OPs you’re replying to and not even directly replying to you. i just want to take this moment to bring up “barely legal” type of kinks existing, which are usually used as ways to *legally* enjoy sexualizing young people without being, yanno, branded for p*doph*lia. while ur not wrong that anyone above 18 or 19 (whatever the consenting age may be in ur country of choice), the sexualization of minors and the sexualization of freshly legal young adults come from similar places, their youth or “innocence” or power imbalance or physical appearance. i got my own opinions on everything and what i think is creep behavior, i dont care what other people think for themselves, but i’m begging for some self awareness whenever people bring up the “but they’re above [legal age]!!!!! they’re not a minor anymore its fine for them to have sexuality!!!!!” in 'defense'. because often the discomfort isn’t with sexualizing minors (though that DOES happen and no one should be defending btw), it’s with sexualizing young muses ESPECIALLY when they have young faceclaims and young muns. most people who want age gap ships arent out here being like ‘i want my muse to be 18 specifically!’ i guarantee you they’re just picking a legal age on the young side because all they care about is it being legal so they can get off on their fantasies, usually involving the faceclaim - hence the problem when the face is the same age. you can cry ‘the face isn’t the character!!!’ all you want but if it really is about the character and the kink for you then i want to ask the same question someone else did, why DONT you just write the character using an older faceclaim or no faceclaim at all? then at least you’re just sexualizing your own barely legal muse, which has better standing in the “its all fiction” argument. but if having a barely legal faceclaim is so important to you writing your barely legal character, esp. if you’re writing them mostly for the kink, maybe ask yourself why having that real life physical reference to a young faceclaim is so important to you. someone's number age is NOT the only reason people get uncomfortable, it's also how their relative youth/inexperience is exaggerated SO much that their mental, emotional, and sexual maturity basically resembles more of a minor's. them being above the legal age just lets defenders bring up the same old "they arent minors by LAW" argument. i would actually respect certain people more in this if they just said out loud that they want to fantasize about younger legal faceclaims than people who try bring up age and swear that they actually see the character or faceclaim with the same maturity as an adult.

・❥・

[my-little-loverboy]

Pardon my rambling. Illness of the mental flavour this fine four in the morning.

On one hand I want to post shit as soon as I’m done drawing but I also like keeping a queue bc then my account doesn’t die for 7-14 business days when my wrists act up not from an obligation to post just bc I like seeing people interact with my art and i know I could take a break and keeping a queue makes it so I can but also I love consistency and I just because I should take breaks doesn’t mean I like doing it and I think I may spend too much time on the internet but I’m not entirely sure what else to do with myself because what else is there to do for me as someone who can’t really go out or do most normal things. I suppose I could read but I already do a lot of that not even just fanfic I read a decent amount of novels im just horribly picky and I find the process of finding novels I enjoy exausting. I could write more music too but I already do that a lot and it’s debatable if that’s better because I end up obsessing over even minor flaws. I want to redecorate my room but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea or if I’m just tired bc I’m pretty sure I forgot to take my meds last night even though I slept what felt like a normal amount. I should also go to bed now bc I did take my meds and I know that’s definitely making my current situation worse but on the other hand I want to run. Which I know is a bad idea last time i tried to go for a run my legs gave out and I was stuck in the cold for 4 hours until my roommate woke up and could bring my wheelchair and I’m not sure when my knees got this bad. Like I could never run because I was asthmatic but it was a different kind of couldn’t like I could technically run it was just a bad idea because I’d have an asthma attack. But now I can’t because I’ll fall and won’t be able to get back up or I’ll be in such severe pain I can’t get home or one time I got lost and just kinda kept walking for almost 2 hours bc I forgot my phone so I couldn’t contact anyone and I shit you not I ended up in the neighbor town (it’s not that far and I didn’t remember crossing the highway either way) and after that I barely got out of bed for like a week. Not that I get out of bed often as it anyway and I think that’s why it feels like I spend too much time online. Because I only really remember being online because it’s the best part of my day. Like I know I have one irl I could be hanging out with but also that is so much effort and I love her dearly but it’s a different kind of yearning I think. I want to be normal just for like a day I want to have friends who want to talk to me and people to spend time with irl. But I also don’t. I don’t want people I don’t want friends and I know that. I want the romanticized version of friends that don’t have drama or problems or complexity and I think that’s why I value my online friends and my mutuals so much because it fills the social need without any of the issues that come with humans and I feel horrible saying that because I know my mutuals are human but online is comfortable and the block button is always a click away and I’m not afraid to use it but also I am because what if I’ve misjudged the situation not that I’ll ever ask.

Edit I’m expanding this because my brain has gone in a very irl dangerous direction and I need to keep my hands busy lest I do something fucking stupid. Sometimes I wonder how much my apathy shows and sometimes I wonder if it’s even apathy because I am apathetic in a clinical sense but I wonder if I’m exaggerating because I get bursts of excitement or feeling but it comes and goes in minutes like. Even then direction I was going isn’t out of and particular negative emotion it was a passive thought and I think that’s arguably more worrying bc instead of being jarring and worrying I considered making a catastrophically bad decision with all the care of someone picking want to have for breakfast. Maybe I’d feel better if I jerked off I don’t think that’s is a great idea but also there’s certainly worse options I’m wondering if this reads as much like a conversation as it feels because I don’t remember writing most of it but also reading it does sound like me but not and I don’t know why that is but I don’t want to think to hard on it so.

[onlyswan]

it’s 🌌 again!!! smiled so big reading your response :,) the part about crying over the sunrise i really feel like i’m the same way 🥹 like just seeing little things in nature and in the world in general make me emotional so easily it’s crazy 😭 all my friends know me as a crybaby hehe i just think it’s so lovely that so many things can bring those reactions out of us like it truly makes life sooo much more bearable and beautiful at the same time. it’s so perfect and kind of full circle that youre able to make others feel the same emotions you regularly do if you really think about it! ugh i have so much brainrot about iw! and your page and your writing in general i feel like i may be visiting a lot just to get my thoughts out please don’t get sick of me 🥹

it genuinely makes my heart happy to be in this space it may sound like i’m exaggerating but i almost feel like i’m going through a portal into another world where everything is cozy and safe and warm with the colors brown and gold everywhere and warm lanterns and stars (hence my emoji hehe) it’s just something that’s really hard for me to explain but it’s like i can let go of my worries and just enter a space where i can almost just float for hours without feeling the time go by. like that’s really how i feel about it aaaaa i wish u could feel the way i do when i’m here cause it sounds like i’m exaggerating but i really do mean it!

as always i hope you’re doing well <3

ahhhh truly 😭 isn’t so amazing that life has these giant things glooming over us that makes us crumble and want to give up but even the tiniest things can hold the meaning of our fortitude? i don’t know the purpose of my existence and maybe it’s okay even if there’s none. as long as there is a sunrise everyday to admire and people to kiss <3

it’s so perfect and kind of full circle that youre able to make others feel the same emotions you regularly do if you really think about it!

🥺🥺🥺 :") it’s honestly something i never imagined to happen like this is something crazy y’all are letting me experience and i’m so thankful.

i feel like i may be visiting a lot just to get my thoughts out please don’t get sick of me 🥹

baby i could never!!!! 😭😭😭 please come by often i love you <3

i wish u could feel the way i do when i’m here cause it sounds like i’m exaggerating but i really do mean it!

the way you explained it feels a lot like when i’m writing so i totally understand :") dhdjfhdjtjf tbh i’m the one who gets worried that i sound like i’m exaggerating bcs i’m always emotional over here about my writing and life in general haha so i’m so freaking happy to hear that you’re in the same page!!!! also reminded me of tangled? which is like one of the things i’d add if i were to make an iw!series starter pack without context (someone who has read all the drabbles do this pls)

[bucksangel]

Hi! I saw your post about telling people you love them a lot so they don’t feel how you feel. I do the same thing for similar reasons. I don’t know you very well, nor you me, but can I suggest some things that have helped me in the past?

1) Fake it till ya make it- honestly, self-depreciation is awkward and sad for everyone. Sometimes it can be funny, but if you do it too often then it will genuinely mess with your own self-esteem. So, even if you don’t truly believe it,try exaggerated self-appreciation. I’m trying to think of an example, bug I dunno, say you trip over, get up, shake your fist at the sky, and say ‘God is jealous of me because I’m so cool!’ This did work for me sometimes and people noticed a difference.

2) I know it’s hard to believe you are loved when you’re not very kind to yourself. But rejecting the very idea that you are lovable is unhealthy and unkind. I know it sounds stupid, but I keep this little book. It’s just a list of nice people and nice things people do. Whenever I’m sad, if I’m thinking right in the moment, I get it and I re-read it or think of something new to write in it. It’s how I remind myself that I am loved, that people love me and here is the evidence.

3) Try and treat yourself as lovingly as though you were one of your friends.

I know you didn’t ask for advice or anything and maybe I misread your post, but it really resonated with me and I felt I had to reach out. Please look after yourself, my dear.

Lotsa love 😊😊😊

hi! i would genuinely like to thank you from the bottom of your heart bc this is really helpful!

i’ve started doing things similar to the first point (i.e i recently developed eczema out of nowhere and i’ve decided it’s because god thought i was just too pretty and needed to give the rest of y’all a chance) and it does help, i think last night was just something where nothing seemed to help but i think in the long run, doing this would def probably help

also that little book idea is v cute and i might do that too honestly. i’ll probably write “testimonials” or some shit from my friends to remind myself that ppl do like me, even if i don’t quite feel it yet

and though i didn’t ask for it, the advice is super helpful and always welcome!! i love learning new things/techniques to make my mind not so loud and overwhelming

i love you very much a lot and i hope your day/night is as wonderful as you are🤍

edit: i saw on facebook (ew i know) that saying the emotion your feeling over and over and over again makes it seem like not a real word and it kind of serves to help diminish the meaning and the feeling if that makes sense?

[lovelovex]

x

[valentinemailbox]

mad over things that i could have prevented if i’d just agreed with an ex friend during an argument i had with them two years ago

[sunshinereddie]

omg YES! as a former “brace face” w/ big ass glasses, I’ve decided that Eddie & Richie definitely had braces.

I’m imagining Eddie getting them when he’s kinda older (probably like 16) and Richie getting his the next year. Eddie was definitely super particular about not eating popcorn/bubblegum/caramel/etc. and keeping his retainer clean after he got them off. Whereas Richie did not give a single shit. He definitely ate whatever he wanted and he ALWAYS forgot to wear his retainer afterwards.

God now I’m thinking abt Richie making fun of Eddie for having to get braces at all and then Eddie getting back at him for it when Richie has to get his own. Richie refusing to show the Losers his teeth. Richie vowing to not talk to anyone ever again once he realizes that he also has a lisp. That vow breaking the same day bc someone shoved at Eddie and he can’t help but tell them to fuck off. Eddie is totally flattered but he just ends up telling Richie that he broke his little vow.

Thinking abt Eddie leaving lunch five minutes early everyday to clean out his mouth and rinse his retainer. And Richie hates it bc he wants to spend every waking second w/ Eddie. But he can’t really explain going to the bathroom w/ Eddie everyday so instead he teases him abt it.

And for Richie and the rest of the Losers it’s no big deal, just a silly little joke. But Eddie starts skipping the retainer cleaning and staying for the whole lunch period. One time he’d even went as far as to not put his retainer back in after lunch. When Richie asks about it next period he claims he forgot, but Richie knows better.

That night Richie sneaks through Eddie’s window. He’s already in bed but he’s staring at the retainer case in his hands. Richie knocks twice on the window, getting his attention. He lets him in but he almost looks apprehensive. “Dude, what are you doing here? We just saw each other like five hours ago.”

“A whole five hours? God, not a minute too soon!” He’s smiling but now he feels kind of stupid for showing up. He didn’t really have a plan in mind but he knew he had to talk to Eddie. At least his joking tone made Eddie smile too.

“Yeah yeah yeah, just get in here.”

They end up shooting the shit for a little while, just sitting on Eddie’s bed and trying to make each other laugh (albeit quietly, last thing they need is Sonia waking up and all hell breaking loose). Once he decides that Eddie is comfortable enough, he ventures into the real reason he’s there. “Listen Eds-“ “don’t call me that” “shut up, you love it.”

“Listen Eds, as much as I love “Rapunzel-ing” it for a laugh, I actually came here talk.” And just like that, Eddie’s calm exterior melts away. “O-oh. About what?” He starts to fidget and he goes a little rosy in the cheeks.

“Nothing bad man, just… I noticed that you aren’t like- doing your usual routine. You know, with your retainer or whatever.” God. Now they’re both blushing. Eddie seems to ignore it for the time being though, instead opting to stare wide eyed at Richie. Fuck. Damage control.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to like- I dunno. I’m not trying to be weird. Is it weird? God, I shouldn’t have said anything. I just- you were- I mean! A-are you okay? I guess… is what… am asking?” Why? Why did he say it like that?! Holy shit. Talk about word vomit. Eddie appears to be battling emotions, he looks like he wants to laugh or maybe cry.

“God Rich, calm down.” He’s smiling, Richie’s gonna go ahead and take that as a win. “I uh, I guess I just didn’t think you’d notice? I mean, in hindsight it makes sense that you would. You were the one making jokes about it…”

“Fuck. Eds, man, you gotta know I was just fucking around! I didn’t mean to make you like- feel bad or whatever-“

“it’s not really about the jokes Richie it’s-“ he cuts himself off, gripping the sides of his hair and huffing an exaggerated sigh. “It’s just that, I know I’m being kinda anal about it. Don’t make the joke I know you’re about to make.” Richie’s teeth click as his mouth falls shut. He had, I’m fact, been about to make that joke. Eddie’s shoulders sag with something like defeat, but he quirks a little smile at Richie anyway.

“I know it shouldn’t matter if I miss a cleaning or forget to put my retainer back in for one goddamn period! I just-“ his voice trembles and that all it takes for Richie to pull him in. His long arms wrap around Eddie’s smaller frame as he clings to the back of Richie’s tee shirt.

“I just feel so trapped. Every time I think I’m getting better about all that placebo bullshit, I fall back into the same patterns. I can’t just not clean out my retainer or forget to put it back in! Not when all I’m thinking about is the ways it could fuck up my teeth. The teeth we paid to fix. God. I just feel like I shouldn’t be so worried about it. But I can’t not be worried…” he’s filling shaking now. Richie tries to calm him down by rubbing his back and evening out his own breathing. “I want to be brave. Like when we killed It. But I don’t think I am. That might’ve just been a fluke you know?”

“Shut up man, you’re plenty brave.” He has to pull back so he can see Eddie’s face. He looks like he might cry and his fingers dig painfully into Richie’s biceps. “Okay, maybe it shouldn’t be so hard to let loose but- fuck man! You’re trying to unlearn all that shit! The fact that you’re acknowledging it and actively trying to stop doing that shit is brave man. And you’re telling me about it! If you thought all of us losers were suddenly well adjusted after killing that clown then you’ve got another thing coming. We’re all fucked up, we’re all losers, but we’re losers together. And we always got your back. We love you man.” It’s probably the closest Richie’s ever going to get to telling Eddie he loves him but it’ll have to do.

Eddie calmed down a lot during Richie’s little spiel, thank god. He’s not that good at regulating serious emotions. A few tears escaped but he’s sorta, shyly smiling at him.

“Yeah okay, whatever man. No need to get all sappy on me.” He lightly shoves at his shoulder, making Richie light up like a Christmas tree.

“Oh yeah? Well maybe if someone wasn’t blubbering like a little girl, I wouldn’t have to get all sappy on you.” And just like that, they’re good again. All smiles and shitty jokes at each other’s expense. Richie wouldn’t have it any other way.

-

Omg idk why I got invested in that so quick but anyway! I have more to say!

Richie always gets red bands, literally every time he gets his wires adjusted. Eddie usually goes with clear bc he’s a “killjoy” as Richie always says. However, the last wire adjustment Eddie has falls on the same day one of Richie’s does, so naturally Richie gets Eddie to agree on matching bands. The perk of having Went as their dentist is they can pick any combination of colors they want. They decide to go with every color available to them, in a sort of rainbow pattern, to make up for all the times Eddie got no color at all. They show the rest of the losers & Bev takes a picture of them cheesing at the camera.

-

Went also let’s them customize their retainers, Richie’s is a sparkly (you guessed it) red with a baseball bat picture on it. Eddie’s is a sparky blue with a little classic car on it.

-

Went always wraps up Eddie’s appointments w/ a pat on the shoulder and a “thanks for making sure Richie uses his retainer”.

-

When Eddie gets his braces off he eats so much caramel popcorn that he throws up.

-

Richie calls Eddie late one night, a few weeks before senior portraits, trying not to freak out. He’s weirdly worried about having braces in his portrait but Eddie talks him down. Went ends up taking them off just two days before the portraits were taken. Richie calls Eddie a little tearfully to tell him the good news.

-

When Eddie sees Richie again after the 27 years he remembers that they had braces around the same time. He also notices that Richie’s teeth are less than perfect. He scolds Richie about not using his retainer but all he does it laugh and throw an impossibly long arm around his shoulder. “God, I missed you man.”

-

Okay that’s it. O__O sorry I got carried away again lmao :,) it’s bc I lost my retainer two weeks after I got it and all my teeth moved back :,) talk abt adhd brain ;__;

-🫀

AAAAHHHH TELL ME HOW YOU MANAGED TO TAKE SUCH A CUTE LITTLE HC AND TURN IT INTO A WHOLE BEAUTIFULLY HEARTBREAKING MINI FIC ;_; AAAHH EDDIE DOUBTING HIMSELF AND HIS BRAVERY..... BEING SCARED OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF FALLING OUT OF HIS ROUTINE (bro i relate SO HARD. when i first got my braces off my family went out of town for a day and i left my retainer at home by accident and i literally cried so much because i thought my teeth were gonna go back to being fucked up.... anyways eds and i are the same person).... BUT ALSO RICHIE BEING THERE TO COMFORT AND SUPPORT HIM..... LSKRJGSKNRG I LOVE IT SO MUCH !!!!!!

also, i LOVE the idea that during the reunion eds can tell that richie hasn't been using his retainer !!!! literally such a small detail that no one else would ever notice, but of course eddie does :')

ALSO ALSO !! going back to richie teasing eds about his lisp and then him having to get braces as well- im just imagining that eddie loves the fact that richie has braces now, not only because he thinks that'll show richie a lesson in teasing him, but also since richie has a lisp and when he does speak he generally avoids words containing the letter "s", eddie thinks that he will enjoy it when richie stops calling him "eds" and "eddie spaghetti"...... but for some reason eddie almost feels like..... he misses it ??? and he tries to ignore the feeling of relief when richie says fuck it to his lisp and just starts speaking again, and comes back with all the nicknames <3

in conclusion, richie and eddie brace face supremacy