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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Dead Boy Detectives (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne/Charles Rowland, Crystal Palace/Niko Sasaki, Crystal Palace/Charles Rowland (DCU) (minor), Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne & Crystal Palace & Charles Rowland & Niko Sasaki, Crystal Palace & Charles Rowland (DCU), Monty (Dead Boy Detectives) & Charles Rowland (DCU), Charles Rowland (DCU)/Original Male Character(s) Characters: Charles Rowland (DCU), Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Crystal Palace (DCU), Niko Sasaki, Monty (Dead Boy Detectives), Jenny Green (Dead Boy Detectives), Cat King (Dead Boy Detectives), Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Pre-Canon, Meet-Cute, (not between charles and edwin), (unfortunately canon circumstances disqualify them. although charles might disagree), Bisexual Charles Rowland (DCU), Implied/Referenced Character Death, (a la backstories), charles seeing a repressed gay edwardian twink: is this an aroace?, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Charles Rowland Loves Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, Missing Scene, charles being the bi big brother of his own dreams!, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Miscommunication, sometimes confession scenes with mutual pining… are worse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Friendship/Love, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, these boys are doing a relay race of fall in love → realise → confess. and they’re doing SO badly, Charles Rowland Has ADHD (DCU), Autistic Edwin Paine | Edwin Payne, edwin’s autistic rizz is its own character tag, Niko Sasaki Lives, i’m sorry but i think niko could’ve been saved with the power of gay, no beta we die like the dead boys Summary:
Loving Edwin was the easiest thing in the world. Charles got so used to it that he could sometimes go months without thinking about it, until Edwin did something kind or charming or literally just stood there catching the light in exactly the right way, and it would hit Charles all over again, like getting socked in the face. It certainly made for some interesting decades together.
Or: Charles falls first. Edwin falls harder. Surprisingly little changes.
#dbda#dead boy detectives#payneland#charles rowland#edwin payne#dbdshow#fic#tltl fic#maybe i should start a tag for my fics??#dead boy detective agency#crystal palace#niko sasaki#monty finch#monty the crow#the cat king#paynland#painland#paineland#chedwin#edwin x charles#palasaki#nikrystal#crystal x niko#crystal x charles#rowpalace#palaceland#not a canon rewrite but not NOT a canon rewrite#if i could reach the stars (i'd give them all to you)
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My first choice (part 1/2)
summary: Aemond thinks you are way too good to be Aegon’s best friend. But you are enough for the one-eyed prince to fall in love with. pairing: Aemond Targaryen and F!Reader words: ~ 5500 warnings: friends to lovers, slow burn (with very obvious mutual pining), angst, Aegon is a sad boy (but ends up being a pretty good wingman!) author’s note: this is inspired by “Little women” and Amy March in particular. I took the liberty to rewrite some plot lines because to me Aemond is nothing like Laurie (Aegon is ;) and I hate love triangles so we are not having any of that sorry. it’s a bit of a roller coaster so I divided it into 2 parts: the first one explains Aemond’s feelings, the second one is about hers. ✨ part 2
Part 1. How could you be so blind. Aegon knows he’s supposed to be relieved — he never wanted the crown and now that Rhaenyra is the Queen and a feast is arranged in her honor, he should be celebrating. And he may have been hitting the wine way too hard for the past couple of hours, but he can’t pretend to be happy, and he gave up trying to force a smile. It’s ridiculous that he is upset over this, and yet he can’t help but feel horribly useless. The prince drinks one cup after another until the room starts spinning and he can’t even sit straight — and then he suddenly finds himself propped against the wall, sliding under the table instead of sitting at it. Aegon catches a few judgemental glances but at this point, he couldn’t care less. There is only one person whose judgment he is afraid of — and it’s not long before he’s greeted with a displeased remark:
“When I asked you not to swoop too low, I couldn’t imagine you would literally lay on the floor.”
He looks up — and here you are, staring down at him, not even trying to cover up your disappointment. At any other time, Aegon would’ve at least tried to sober up, but today he’s disappointed in himself, too, so he doesn’t make an effort. Instead, he reaches out an arm to you with a lax smile.
“Would you like to join me?”
“I didn’t get the invitation to this pity party so I will pass,” your tone suggests you are not in the mood for jesting. “Now that you’ve succeeded in making a fool out of yourself, would you mind getting upright?”
“I think I like it here,” he retorts, shamelessly staring at the legs of the maids passing by.
“You like wallowing in misery for all to see?” you huff. “Aegon, get up.”
He fakes a whine. “My legs gave out, I’m afraid!”
“You would need to drink all the wine in the castle for that to happen, and I doubt you managed to do that,” you roll your eyes, taking a step toward him — but pause upon hearing a voice behind your back:
“You underestimate my brother.”
Aemond has a habit of sneaking up on people which often startles you yet right now you are too angry at Aegon to be bothered. You throw Aemond a glare over your shoulder but your eyes soften when you see the apologetic look on his face. It’s not the first time that the two of you find yourself in this situation — throughout the years you learned to work as a team: you bring Aegon back to his senses while Aemond helps to physically bring him to the nearest flat surface. You have never asked him for help — and yet he’s always there.
Aemond is about to lean down to help his brother up — you stop the one-eyed prince with your hand, your palm inches away from his chest. Anyone else would’ve thought twice before standing in his way but you don’t hesitate.
“He is perfectly capable to get up on his own,” you reject Aemond’s attempt, your eyes fixed on Aegon. “He can hold onto the wall shall he feel unable to stay on his two feet.”
There is something in your gaze that makes Aegon uncomfortable, piercing him to the bone. You are never downright mean or rude but with just a few words you can easily unmask his feigned recklessness. The prince stands up, tottering and feeling a little light-headed.
“Are you happy, now when I’m in the standing position?”
“If you cared about anyone else's feelings but your own, you wouldn’t be in this position,” you scold him while Aemond takes his brother under the arm to guide him out. Aegon tries to grab another cup of wine but you slap his hand.
“Do you ever get ashamed of yourself?” you hiss at him.
“Let me think... No, why would I?” he sounds sarcastic.
“You should be,” you whisper scream at him. “You can find nothing to do but dawdle and make a mockery of yourself!”
Aemond feels his brother shuddering at your words, and he tightens his hold on Aegon.
“Well, what else am I to do,” his voice is bitter. “Since I am not an heir and serve no purpose to the realm nor do I have any taste for duty.”
You slow your pace, and a sigh leaves your mouth.
“I feel sorry for you, Aegon, I do. I only wish you’d bear it better,” you reach out to stroke his arm but the prince bristles.
“You don’t have to feel sorry for me. Your duty is to marry, and we will see how that goes,” he mutters before he can stop himself — and regrets it the very next second when you swiftly turn to him.
“At least I would be respected if I couldn’t be loved,” your tone hushed but sharp.
Aegon stops dead in his tracks, his wide eyes meeting yours. You moved away from the crowd into the hall, and it becomes silent. And then his lower lip quivers.
“But I thought that you loved me,” Aegon whimpers, his assumed nonchalance instantly gone.
“Oh, Aegon, how much did you have to drink?” you come to his side, lending him a shoulder to cry on. While he’s aggressively sniffling, you look at Aemond and quietly mouth “How many cups?”
“Way more than usual,” he gives you a wan smile, and you groan at his answer, taking Aegon by the arm.
“Alright, you can lean on me. But don’t get handsy or I will push you down the stairs,” your remark earns a weak laugh from the older prince, and the three of you head toward his chambers.
Aegon doesn’t talk much but his mood softens and you exchange a few jokes before finally reaching his room.
“I can take it from here,” Aemond suggests but his brother eagerly protests.
“No, I want to be tucked into bed! And definitely not by you,” he sticks out his tongue, and you chuckle at his whim.
“Aemond, I can handle him.”
The one-eyed prince shoots you a knowing glance and holds the door open for you and Aegon to walk in. You slowly move to his bed, making sure he doesn’t stumble on his way — and then, with a sudden boost of energy, the prince flops down on the fluffy blankets, letting out a satisfied moan. You hold back a giggle and wait for him to crawl under the covers.
“Should I call for the maid to help you undress?”
“No, I am way too comfortable like this,” he pulls the blanket up to his chin, and you sit on the edge of the bed.
“I am sorry for the way I behaved,” he reveals, frowning. “I did not mean to, truly.”
“Aegon, you know I’m not the one you should apologize to,” you take his hand in yours, and he squeezes it with childish eagerness. “You left Helaena all alone. And you promised me you would make an effort.”
“I know, I know,” he yawns. “I was doing better until today, I swear, you should ask her,” his speech becomes incoherent as he is already too drowsy to talk, his cheeks flushed from the wine and the heat of the blankets. As you stand up to leave, Aegon mumbles:
“I fetched you a book... the one you were looking for,” he sloppily points to his table by the window before dozing off.
There is only one book so it’s easy to find — and when you do, you can barely contain a sound of surprise: it’s the complete history of Westeros, heavy and hardcover, decorated with gilding. You glance at Aegon but he looks fast asleep so you cautiously get out of his chambers.
If you were to turn around, you would’ve noticed that he kept an eye on you with a grin on his face.
When you walk out, you see Aemond still standing there, his gaze landing on the book and then immediately on you. It takes you a minute to figure it out and then you smile at him:
“Even though I appreciate the gesture, it is hard to imagine Aegon in the library.”
“He asked me to help him find the book you wanted. I did,” the prince explains as if it isn’t that big of a deal. But to you, it is — although you think he only did it out of politeness.
“Thank you, Aemond,” you enthusiastically turn your attention to the book, flipping through the pages in awe. He watches you, feeling the warmth in his chest at the sight of your joy.
“You know that you bring out the best in him?” Aemond says in a low voice, and your heart skips a beat at his comment. You are thankful for the dim lighting that makes your heated cheeks less obvious.
“You overestimate my influence,” you say, then dither before admitting, “I’m afraid I was too hard on him today.”
“Someone has to do it,” Aemond objects, and there’s something in his tone — sincere and soft, that makes you look at him again. At this moment, away from the prying eyes and the pressure of everyone’s expectations, you can see the side of him that people rarely get acquainted with.
“I think you are doing a pretty good job, too,” you tell the prince, finding his presence ever so calming. You could never understand why would anyone call Aemond intimidating when he’s been nothing but kind to you ever since you two met. Whenever you have a chance to be alone with him, his company always brings you comfort, and that feeling is so rare, you want to chase it.
But then you remind yourself of the harsh reality, and your smile falters.
“I’m sorry you had to get involved,” you look down at the book. “I wouldn’t want to distract you.”
“You need to elaborate on that,” Aemond says uncomprehendingly.
“I’ve heard that you were courting lady Baratheon,” you explain casually, avoiding his gaze.
He hesitates before answering.
“Well, I only plan to,” the prince clarifies. “If she accepts my advances.”
“It would be silly of her not to,” you blurt out and, while you can’t see it, Aemond gives you a quizzical look.
“She may have her reasons —”
“I can’t come up with a single one,” you tell him with so much confidence, Aemond’s heart flutters at your words but you continue without a second thought. “You are intelligent, good-hearted, handsome — and a really skilled swordsman. Not to mention you have the biggest dragon in the realm, which does sound like a reasonable perk.”
The prince is glad that you’re too preoccupied with the book to see his stunned expression. It’s not just the fact that you compliment him so easily — but also the way you do it. When other people try to, they usually start with Vhagar as if the old grumpy creature is the main good thing about Aemond. But you only bring up the dragon at the very end and in passing, instead keeping the focus on the prince. He is silent for a moment, letting your words sink into his memory.
And then Aemond persuades himself that you only said it out of politeness.
You notice his lack of response — and you are about to question it when a maid comes to you in haste:
“Lady Y/N, your presence is needed. Your father is looking for you.”
“Better not keep him waiting,” the prince encourages you with a grin. “If he finds Aegon, he might hug him to death.”
You playfully elbow him and turn to follow the maid but then stop to say. “Please make sure your brother stays in bed.”
“Will do,” Aemond looks at you walking away, clutching the book to your chest as if it's the most precious thing in the world.
To this day, it is truly a mystery to him how Aegon managed to befriend someone like you. You met the Targaryen brothers when your family was invited to one of the royal feasts. You were ten-and-three, the middle one of three sisters. Your oldest — Elaesa — has been the center of attention, beautiful and graceful, but while everyone’s eyes were on her, you looked a little bit disoriented. It was the first feast that you’ve attended, and maybe you got too agitated or overwhelmed — or both — but soon you ended up lost in the castle, and somehow ripped the hem of your dress in the process.
Aemond was the one to find you. The prince has never been keen on taking part in celebrations, often sneaking away from all the noise. That’s when he saw you — fussing with the dress, your sobs echoing through the hall.
“Are you hurt?” he rushed to your side, and you looked up at him with blubbered eyes.
“Why do you have so many halls? You should hand out maps so people can find their way back,” despite being clearly upset, you sounded unusually serious, and Aemond fought back a smile.
“I can help you find your parents without a map,” he suggested, and for a second it seemed to lighten your mood but then your pout worsened.
“I cannot go back,” you gestured at the dress. “I am in such trouble!” you whined, the tears threatening to spill out of your eyes.
Truth be told, Aemond didn’t have much experience with ladies back then nor did he know a thing about dresses but your distress seemed so genuine he couldn’t leave you be.
“It is not that bad,” he pointed at the ripped material. “I can ask our seamstress to take a look.”
You studied his face for a second, then glanced back at the dress — surprisingly, that was all it took for you to stop crying, and no other coaxing was needed. You wiped your nose and fixed your hairdo, smoothing the damaged hem the best you could.
“I’d appreciate it if you help me find my way back,” you said, your face seemingly more relaxed.
Getting you to talk was pretty easy, and Aemond shortly discovered how open-minded and outspoken you were, using your quick thinking to compensate for your timid personality. When you returned to the hall of the Iron Throne, he was reluctant to let you go but promised to come back with the seamstress. The task only took him about ten minutes, but when he did reappear, you were not alone — Aegon was standing next to you, making you laugh so hard, it looked like you forgot about the dress already. Aemond didn’t mean to interrupt as he suddenly felt very out of place, uninvited in his own home, so he abandoned the idea of helping you and just left.
At first, he thought you fell for Aegon’s flirtatious charms but soon learned that, as much as you did like his brother’s humor, his charms had no effect on you. On the contrary, you often chided him for hitting on young girls and openly condemned his affection for wine. Your honesty set you apart from all the ladies Aegon was surrounded with — and that was the reason he came to enjoy your company as much as he did. Despite the three years age gap, you were the one who told him the truth, no matter how ugly it might’ve been, but you did so without prejudice or any ill intentions. You would usually follow your critique with advice or a solution of some sort to keep the prince away from unnecessary trouble. That is why you were on friendly terms with Helaena, too, and your influence was also welcomed by Alicent, the then Queen. She liked that you were straightforward with your remarks and often said that you were wise beyond your years. Although, as much as Aemond agreed with it, he suspected there was a reason you had to grow up early.
It happened the same year you met — your older sister, with all her grace and beauty, ran away from home to elope with some unworthy beggar. Your mother was inconsolable for at least a week, saying that Elaesa brought shame upon her family. Your father, the kind man that he is, forgave his daughter fairly quickly and tried his best to restore peace. And yet, you came to realize that Elaesa’s vagary did cast a shadow over your House. Your youngest sister, Alyna, was a fragile little thing, frequently sick and tacit — which left you to be the one representing your family in the eyes of society.
Within a few years, there wasn’t a thing you weren’t good at: lords lined up to have a dance with you, ladies admired how well-spoken you were and shared a laugh at your florid sarcasm, and you learned to embroider, to ride a horse, to walk exquisitely dressed and with impeccable posture. But while for everyone else it was a reason to compliment you, Aemond saw the underlying cause of your diligence — the corrosive desire to prove one’s worth which was something he learned to live with as well. And which led him to think he understood you better than anyone.
More often than not he found himself watching you as if he had the need to make sure you weren’t in harm’s way. Helping you with Aegon was a part of that routine but it also gave him a chance to be alone with you. You talked about everything and nothing in particular, and he would catch glimpses of you — the real you, shy and emotional at times, but still understanding and perceptive. He cherished every opportunity to steal you away from the never-ending chattering, from lords ogling at you, from Jason Lannister whose interest in your company should’ve been concerning. Aemond has gotten so used to observing you, so enthralled with your covert conversations, he didn’t realize that a particular feeling was creeping up on him. But there was one person who turned out to be more observant than Aemond has been. Aegon was the mere reason why his brother ended up at your door a few days later. Aemond’s been to your place a couple of times and he promptly memorized the way to the farthest room of the house — the one you used to paint in. It was the only thing you truly allowed yourself to enjoy, an unexpected talent of yours which you soon perfected, too, except it wasn’t meant for the others to marvel at but plainly for you to keep your head occupied, to have some quiet time.
He walks in when you are already painting the finishing touches. When you turn to greet him, you stop mid-sentence, seeing that it’s Aemond instead of his brother who you were waiting for.
“He overslept,” the younger prince shrugs. “It isn’t a bothersome task to come pick up the portrait of my nephews.”
You point in the direction of the painting with the brush in your hand. Aemond admires your work — as he always does — while you try to shake off your confusion. There is another reason you did not expect to see Aemond today. You tarry with voicing your concern but eventually glance at him with empathy.
“I was sorry to hear about lady Baratheon’s decision.”
“I was not,” he’s quick to retort.
“I cannot imagine agreeing to marry a Stark,” you say, dipping a brush in a jar of water.
“Is it the cold weather?” Aemond grins knowingly.
“Yes! Gods, just thinking about it makes me feel uneasy. All the layers you have to wear to keep yourself warm, barely being able to move, getting no sunlight...,” you ramble, making sure to wet all the brushes before lining them up on the table.
“Some say they’ve got quite a beautiful scenery,” Aemond tries to object although he knows his argument doesn’t stand a chance.
“I wouldn’t be able to enjoy that,” you huff. “How am I to capture the beauty if my paint freezes?”
He only hums in agreement, watching you busy yourself with your supplies. You go through the brushes, delicately cleaning the bristles with a cloth. Your fingers carefully take one brush after the other, and Aemond silently admires your love for neatness and order.
“You are staring,” you say without turning to him.
“Where do you want me to look at?”
“Aemond, you are in a room full of art!” you chuckle lightly. “Surely, enough options to land your eye on.”
The prince lets his gaze go around the place, and it takes him about a minute to quickly examine all the paintings. And then he inevitably looks at you again. Aemond thinks he likes this view the most.
“When do you begin your next great work of art?” he asks, hoping to distract you.
You halt movement, then force out glumly:
“Never.”
“What do you mean?” he’s taken by surprise.
“I’ve come to realize that I’d never be a genius,” you reluctantly explain. “So I’m giving up all my foolish artistic hopes.”
“You cannot be serious. You have so much talent and —”
“Talent isn’t genius!” you throw up your hands in defeat, and he can sense your frustration from a distance. “I may be talented in other things, but when it comes to painting, I want to be great or nothing. And I am only of middling talent,” you scoop up the brushes, give them a quick look and place in another jar to dry.
Aemond wants to argue, he really does — but he also knows better than to try and persuade you when you are like this: firmly standing your ground, exuding nothing but stubbornness. In any other situation, he would’ve found it endearing but it’s upsetting to see you downplaying your brilliance.
“Hm, may I at least ask your last portrait to be of me?”
You instantly turn to him, taken aback. Throughout the years you’ve known him, he clearly expressed that he did not like being painted, and you only could make a quick sketch or two, at best, when he wasn’t paying attention.
“Alright,” the long-awaited opportunity makes you smile. “Next time I come for breakfast, I will drag you into the garden to pose for me,” you give him a pointed look, and Aemond humbly nods.
Your smile grows wider but you try to tone it down, afraid to spook him, and focus on wiping the nearest table.
“What are you going to do with your life in the meantime?” he changes the subject.
“Polish up my other skills and become an ornament to society,” you sigh, putting the cloth away.
There’s a brief pause before he says, his voice a bit strained:
“Here is where Jason Lannister comes in, I suppose?”
You say yes but the answer comes a little bit too fast, and Aemond notices that the topic makes you uncomfortable.
“But you are yet to be betrothed to him,” he clarifies, gaze fixed on you.
“I will be if he proposes,” your eyes meet his, and you are sure that there’s a shadow of disapproval on his face that only spurs your stubbornness. You fully turn to the prince to say: “I always knew I had to marry well, I do not feel ashamed of that.”
But Aemond isn’t looking for a fight — he swiftly corrects himself:
“There is nothing to be ashamed of. As long as...” — he can barely bring himself to say it — “As long as you love him.”
For the reason unknown to Aemond, his statement brings a bleak smile to your face.
“I believe we can have some power over who we love,” you object, lowering your gaze for a second as you start absentmindedly twisting the ring on your finger.
“I think the poets would disagree,” he chuckles, trying to defuse the unexpected tension.
But when you look up at him, your glare is as obdurate as ever.
“Well, I am not a poet, I am just a woman,” you rebut crisply. “And as a woman, I have no illusions about my prospects which do not include me earning a living to support my family. And my parent’s fortune has its limits as I’ve come to learn. Hence why, if I want to have children — I do — and be able to provide them with everything they wish for, I must rely on my husband,” that last word is pronounced with disappointment. “So don’t stand here and tell me that marriage isn’t an economic proposition, because it is. It may not be for you but it certainly is for me.”
Had he not known you, Aemond would’ve been very impressed — with how blunt and witty you are, you are very good at delivering speeches. But as he’s standing in front of you, watching your face, he senses that your determination is akin to despair. Aemond thinks he might take a chance at arguing with you, after all — but you’re both startled by a knock on the door:
“Lady Y/N, Ser Lannister just arrived.”
You look baffled for a second, your confidence crumbling.
“Why would he — I, I didn’t expect him today,” you mumble, almost ashamed of his arrival.
Yet you pull yourself together faster than Aemond can come up with a reason for you to stay. You remove your apron and quickly examine your dress, then move to put on a cape.
“Did I miss any paint stains?” you ask Aemond in a haste.
“No,” he looks over the flowing material of your neat dress, your hair knotted up high — and then, “...Wait!”
You stop abruptly while he grabs a clean cloth.
“There is something on your cheek,” he says as you both step toward each other — and in the next second you are suddenly standing too close.
You turn to him and shyly shut your eyes, taking a deep breath. Aemond is frozen for a moment but then carefully wipes away a slight smudge of green from under your cheekbone. His hand unwillingly lingers as he examines the delicate features of your face. You open your eyes, looking at the prince questingly. His facial expression is unreadable but it makes you wish you didn’t have to go.
You brush away that silly thought and stand back, fixing your cape.
“How do I look? Do I look alright?”
“You look beautiful,” Aemond says with no hesitation, taking you in — with your cheeks a bit flushed, lip parted and eyes shining. “You are beautiful.”
You seem a bit bewildered at his words but then a smile grows on your face — and in a blink of an eye, you’re gone. The prince is left standing there, staring at the spot where you were just now. The room suddenly feels so empty without you — and so does his heart.
The realization strikes Aemond like lightning: he wants to be the one you come to, at all times. The one holding your hand, watching you paint, or read, or dance — watching you do whatever your heart desires. Because his only desire is to be with you. That thought puts down roots deep into his chest, and he doesn’t know how to pluck it out.
Nor does he want to. It’s all he can think about for the duration of the week, until you come to the castle — with canvas and supplies, not hiding your excitement. He almost forgot about his promise but follows you into the garden without objection. You sense a slight change in Aemond’s behavior, him being more quiet than usual, but decide not to push the prince so he won’t reconsider.
“I will start with a sketch and then we will go from there. Alright?”
He just hums in response while looking at you but you are unaware of the meaning behind his gaze.
“Take any pose you like, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable,” you suggest with a half-smile, knowing full well he will probably remain standing.
And he does, arms clasped behind his back, his eye never leaving your face. You immerse in the process too quickly to be bothered, the piece of charcoal in your hand sliding over the paper, leaving lines and shadows. Drawing Aemond is an effortless task, and you can only enjoy how easy it is to sketch the sharp contours of his face and his lean body. The simplicity can also be explained by the fact that you've already memorized all the details by heart: the curves of his cheekbones and his lips, the flow of his silver hair, the shape and cut of his eye.
When you are finally satisfied, you can’t tell if it’s been an hour or three, and the prince, as it seems, hasn’t moved a muscle. At this point, Aemond’s demeanor does worry you yet you blame it on his nervousness.
“Want to take a look?” you hand him a few sketches. “Mind you, I’m not finished so please don’t judge too harshly —”
“I could never,” his hand brushes yours when he takes the drawings.
Aemond has seen your works before but it’s a whole new experience when he’s the one being portrayed. He almost doesn’t recognize himself — you didn’t miss a single feature of his yet somehow this version of him looks too beautiful to be real. He is at a loss for words until he spots that there's another drawing hidden underneath. It’s a sketch of him sitting, both arms on the table, his face looks like he’s deep in his thoughts.
“When did you do this one?”
“After the coronation,” the memory makes you smile. “Made my poor father lug around with charcoal in his pockets while he was trying to keep up the conversation with Ser Lannister.”
It was the day you got introduced to Jason. You were supposed to be by his side, with your charming smile and polite talks, yet you spend your time drawing Aemond. He can imagine your gaze focused on the piece of paper, the way you must’ve been looking at him to capture every detail and movement — all of that without him asking to, without him even noticing. There is so much care in that act, he is unexpectedly moved by it.
The words leave his mouth before he can think them over:
“Don’t marry him.”
His request makes your hands tremble, and you drop the piece of charcoal, slowly looking up at Aemond, the smile disappearing from your face. He did not mean that, you must’ve misunderstood.
“...What?”
Aemond turns to you, looking you straight in the eyes.
“Don’t marry him,” he repeats, helplessly and desperately.
“Why?” you ask in disbelief, suddenly having trouble breathing. The only reason you can think of sounds delusional, close to impossible. You wait for him to come up with some clever explanation — instead, he comes closer to you, his gaze so warm it makes your cheeks burn.
“You know why,” Aemond says and his hand gently lands on yours. You look down at it, perplexed, your mouth opening and closing, heart rate speeding up.
He keeps his eye on your face as he waits for your reply. You are not repulsed nor angry — which is supposed to be a good sign — but the reaction he gets is actually worse than that. Because when you finally glance at him, you look hurt.
“No,” you yank away your hand as if his touch stung. “No, Aemond, you are being mean, stop it,” you take a step back, your eyes glossy and lips tight. The look you give causes him physical pain — while you are trying your best to fight back the tears.
His intelligence clearly fails him because Aemond has no clue what’s going on. He feels like there is a deeper meaning to your words but he does not get it.
“Why am I being mean?” he asks incredulously as you slowly continue putting more distance between you two.
You don’t even realize you are doing it — it’s almost an urge to not be in his presence, for the first time ever. The weight of his words feels suffocating and merciless. How easy it is for him to toy with your emotions, you think, and that cruelty of his — as you see it — wounds you so deeply, he might as well put a torch to your heart.
“I have felt like everyone’s second choice my entire life,” you bemoan, not being able to keep your agony bottled up any longer. “In everything, no matter how hard I’ve worked to be better. I thought you out of all people would understand that,” you sound raspy, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.
“So I will not be the person you settle for just because your first marriage proposal was turned down,” only when your voice shudders, Aemond finally understands how wrongfully you interpreted his intentions.
But you are out of his reach already — at least ten feet away from him, and the distance separates you like a giant chasm.
“No, I won’t. I can’t,” you are hurting so much, your feelings spill out like blood from a wound. “I can’t do it. Not when I have spent years loving you.”
His breathing hitches as your confession pierces through his chest — and he is left speechless, deafened by it. The moment slips through his fingers with unforgiving pace: you were standing so close only a minute ago — and now you are turning your back to him, rushing away. The last thing he sees is how broken you look, your shoulders slumped and eyes brimming with tears.
Aemond stands, shocked and paralyzed until it’s too late — the garden is silent with your absence and the only evidence of you being there is your supplies scattered on the ground. Your words are ringing in his head, his heart heavy with a dreadful feeling.
He was afraid he would never have you — but he actually could have.
If only he wasn’t so blind.
➡ Part 2
yes, this is me blabbing again: I’ve watched this movie an embarrassing amount of times, and I’ve wanted to write a fic based on it for a few months. I did rephrase a couple of quotes but still tried my best to do the story justice. my apologies for the angst — just so you know, it was painful to write. also, will I ever stop using friends to lovers trope? only time will tell! (I probably won’t, though) I know there is a very heartwarming fic by aemonds-war-crime that was also based on “Little women” and it’s only fair that I link it as well!
tagging @greenowlfactif because you asked 💙 comments and opinions are VERY welcomed! 🥺 🎨 my masterlist English is not my first language, so feel free to message me if you spot any major mistakes!
#aemond targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#<<< PLS don’t be mad! I know Aegon isn’t the main character but he has a meaningful role#so I thought maybe I should add his tag too... (PLS DON’T BE MAD)#on a completely unrelated note I decided to start with dialogue(s) and then bring the backstory#I think it’s more engaging??? but we’ll see how that goes#also it was a conscious decision to start with Aemond’s side of the story — just so it comes as a surprise when she says ‘hey I loved you f#(I mean it obviously won’t be surprising if you saw the movie...)#ALSO I really hope you guys will want the second part (’cause I already wrote it lmao)#my stuff#aemond x reader#aemond x y/n#aemond x you#aemond targaryen x y/n#aemond one eye#aemond one eye x y/n#aemond targaryen fanfiction#aemond targaryen fanfics#aemond targaryen fics#aemond targaryen x you#aemond targaryen fanfic#hotd fanfiction#aemond angst#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen angst
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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more phoenix wright situations
#ace attorney tag#maybe i should tag this narumitsu or something. but i dont really care.#gearing up to rereading/illustrating bits of my fic i suppose...i think nick really is too dense to realise he's in love with edgeworth#without some scheming fop trying to intrude. i love villains like kristoph..villains can be fun..witnessing their pathetic folly..#or more like edgeworth would never have mentioned his feelings ever in his life if he wasn't sure phoenix reciprocates.#i want to see it this way because Falling in love during childhood with the person you're going to end up with. is not relatable#there have to be Situations that make you Realise.#as with orufrey i adore the idea of people not working out their romance with that person until their 30s+#but... i mean. even with orufrey i often think how alaira could be qifrey's ex. and oru having been pursued by noble fops through his work#there is that delicate sliver of time before orufrey start living together that such believable situations could have happened.#Then the relief of politely and amicably extricating themselves from those untenable situations#the idea of falling in love age 7 and saving your first kiss for age 35 or something is all very well but more relatable is#people realising how they really feel whilst trying something that ends up feeling wrong.#The comfort and joy of living with your dearest one as if it's platonic - much preferable to trying anything more with anyone else.#But i doubt i will ever portray that or mention it further. it is indeed very delicate to me.#and i really am an OTP FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kind of person who can barely bear to consider this anyway...NOT a polyshipper i'm afraid !#so i wouldn't mind either if they do have their first kiss in their lives age 35 with each other either. I would not mind that at all.#i love bi/gay couples apparently... bi father figures & their grumpy gay men waiting for them to work it all out...#not used to using colour in comic-style drawings..or at all..so this is messy and awkward looking..but colour is refreshing#i imagine i will go back to witch hat art soon btw. my destiny in life.#i still remember writing my nrmt fic expecting to write their first kiss & then partway through twas like Umm No. They have kissed prior.#does that really line up with this comic though... i think i had their early dinner dates/first kiss BEFORE disbarment.#so i guess this comic doesn't line up with my ficverse.... No..... U___U Oh well. sorry kris! <3
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i need the buddie first kiss scene to be WORDLESS. like, let them do what they do best and communicate with their eyes. maybe there’s some tension in the episode and they just had a fight in a prior scene and then one of them walks into a room that they didn’t know the other would be in and they’re like “oh i’ll just…” and they turn to walk away but the other one grabs their arm to stop them and they just make eye contact for like six seconds saying everything they need to say just through their faces like they’ve done a million times and then they kiss. idk i just think they don’t need words, once they’re both on the same page they will know
#buddie#sometimes i think hey kam you know fics exist right maybe try writing one !#and then i don’t want to because these spec posts are so easy but fics are NOT#anyway should i start tagging my spec posts so i can compile them all#kam’s spec
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My Dazai and Chuuya hcs that I have (physical characteristics)
They’re literally my Pookie wookies
#chuuya fanart#dazai fanart#chuuya x reader#chuuya nakahara x reader#dazai x reader#dazai osamu x reader#maybe I should start mentioning my hcs in my fics 😳#I NEED THEM TO TAG TEAM ME FR#Like WWE but we settle this in bed 🫦
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Sunshine in the Rain by Carnati0n_bl00m
“Wait, you don’t have a name? What about your parents, didn’t they give you one?”
The man simply raised his eyebrow, a small grin revealing pointed teeth.
“I do not truly have parents.”
“ What!? That’s insane!” Mickey had never been so - so -
Scandalized!
WOW OKAY!! This kinda gotta away from me cuz I wanted to TRY doing two (technically 3) scenes. THIS FIC, MAN!! It's got Mikey angst and hurt/comfort! It's got Bishop being an absolute bastard, and I wanna punt him to the moon and back!! It's got Mikey & Leatherhead becoming Besties!!! I read it right after watching the Rise Movie and OHHHH boy, it is GOOD!!!!
Concepts for Bishop and Leatherhead! Did not draw Bishop much at all, lol. Will probably use the ref for future stuff, though! Also, I took forever finishing these cuz LH's design started becoming Bleh to me, but I had to commit cuz I was most of the way through the naming scene. Will likely tweak the design later!
#tmnt#rottmnt#tmnt mikey#tmnt leatherhead#tmnt leo#tmnt raph#tmnt donnie#tmnt bishop#my art#fic fanart#my art show up in the search tags challenge#mind the tags and content warnings before you read the fic it's kinda intense!!#phew seriously this took forever to finish#and by forever I mean I literally started drawing it at the beginning of March#there's also the fact that I Just attended a con this past weekend and was busy with that#I think I gotta start reading more fluff and shit cuz wow I think I'm getting burnt out on the angst#also GAH I WANTED TO DRAW ALL THE HUGS#but I wanted to get this OUT so maybe I will doodle that later#however I do have a prior engagement with a 2k3 Mikey fic that I'm also drawing angsty fanart for#I should probably stick to just doodling single panel scenes but Goddammit making comics is FUN!!#anyways let's see if this shows up in the tags lol#if it doesn't I'm about to knock loudly at tumblr support's doors again
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every time i see ai fandom art on my dash, i get annoyed all over again and have to remind myself the person reblogging it probably has no idea it's ai bc they reblogged it from someone else who didn't tag it as such. but still
#part of me wonders if i'm the only one getting this annoyed by ai art#but i've heard artists talk about how disheartening it is to see ai art pervade fandoms#and i think about how disheartening it would be if ai fic suddenly started taking over the ao3 page#who knows#maybe ai fic is already out there#and i just haven't noticed it#which sucks#btw i feel like i should say this is actually about one artist in particular that i see on the REGULAR on my dash#the word artist in quotes#like at least they tag it that it's ai#but they don't put it in the post itself hmmmmm#original tags are so easily lost and unnoticed...
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Could've left me just the way you found me, but you came and put your wings around me. You went out of your way, to fix what you didn't break.
This song is so incredibly Sam & Darlin' coded and no one can tell me otherwise.
[lots of lyrical analysis below the cut] [there's also a short little fanfic blurb of them stargazing down there too (this post got really out of hand lmao)]
For those not fully caught up, note that the following commentary contains various spoilers for Sam and Darlin's stories.
Note: Unfortunately this song is gendered, using the word 'girl' several times. Which sucks a little bit for immersion purposes, not only for keeping Darlin' gender-neutral, but also because I see this song as a duet between them, and Darlin' obviously wouldn't be addressing Sam with the word 'girl' either. So! As with most songs on their playlist, we're just gonna mentally omit any gendered terms we come across.
Side note: Frustratingly, this is one of those songs that didn't really even need to gender the subject in the first place. No part of the story or message is lost without it. But alas, many songs are like that, and so the playlist-makers of the world shall continue to suffer. [/lh]
Anyways, preamble's over. It's lyric time now yay!
Sam's Part
I was a ten-year train wreck
Technically for Sam I suppose it was 13 years, but ten is close enough (and 'ten' admittedly flows a lot better in the rhythm of the song than 'thirteen' would.) Anyways, we're not here to split hairs, (I have to remind myself), we're just here to point out similarities.
In Sam's Dec. '22 HBW, he says "For the last 13 years or so I haven't had to care too much about how I look. Seemed a little redundant after turnin', considerin' I didn't wanna be around much'a anybody anyway."
I think he's mentioned or alluded to that roughly 13 year period of time more than once, but that's the one I remember best so it's the example I'm using. There's still about 4 Sam audios I've yet to listen to as of making this post, so if I'm missing some Key Lore I'll edit this later. But for now, I don't think Sam has given many specifics on exactly how bad things got during that time. Luckily, 'train wreck' is a pretty broad and subjective term, so it easily covers any degree to which he may have fallen apart during those years.
It also feels like a very 'him' way of quickly brushing over the details of his past/his hurt, as he seems to tend to do with Darlin', (not all the time ofc but it's still something I've noticed) putting his own hurt on the backburner to prioritize and attend to theirs. Even outside of his dynamic with them, I think as a healer, it's something he learned to do. And now he does it with everyone. Put on a brave face, compartmentalize things and unpack them later, etc. I could go on and on but there'll be time for that in other posts I'm sure. For now, lets get back to the song at hand.
With a last-call longneck
Due to personal reasons, I've yet to decide if I want to HC him as having used alcohol as a coping mechanism during that time. I don't recall him having mentioned alcohol much, if at all, (maybe one mention of whiskey that I don't have time to find right now) so I don't think it's necessarily canon that he did, but it's certainly possible. My personal preferences aside, I'll admit it makes for some good additional angst. (And- self-indulgently- it makes some other songs on my playlist for them more fitting.) So, for the sake of this song, let's imagine that he did.
I was searchin', I'd been hurt real bad
This one feels pretty self-explanatory given what Alexis did, (and, if you wanna get even angstier with it, whatever his family did earlier on in his life) so there isn't much commentary to add on my end.
I HC that in spite of 'not wanting to be around anybody', he- like Darlin- still had a tiny part of himself buried deep down that was, in a way, 'searching' for someone to find solace in. (No this isn't me projecting onto them both haha what are you talking about-)
Movin' on, gettin' sidetracked One step forward and five back
This is generally applicable enough that I don't feel the need to give too much of a specific example. Anyone who's recovered or is recovering from trauma knows this non-linear, back-and-forth struggle well already, and I'm sure he was no stranger to it.
If I were to give some examples though, I could point to Darlin's (and subsequently, Sam's) encounter with Alexis at the summit, or the shit that Quinn dredged up about Fredrick and threw at Sam in the interrogation room. Those are both more recent examples and I imagine these lines of the song to be coming from a place of him prior to meeting Darlin', but still, they're some instances where I'm sure he felt like the past was pulling him back in. I'm sure that there's been many throughout those 13 years that we were never witness to.
Not your fault, I was scared to fall
This line reminds me of their 'Cuddles and Confessions' audio. I don't think he ever explicitly said he was 'scared' per se, so afaik there's no specific line I can quote, but in that and every audio prior, he was obviously hesitant to admit, perhaps even to himself, that he was gradually falling for them. Even after the initial confession, there's certain limits of his (e.g. biting) that he carries for far longer, and some that I (and others) HC that he'll carry forever. So this line feels to me like him reassuring Darlin' that his reluctance isn't the fault of them, but his past.
Darlin's Part
You were the star in the pitch black Shine the way on the way back
We don't have any canon instances of them comparing Sam to a star, but I can see it being something they'd say (perhaps less poetically, but the sentiment would be there) one night while laying up on their roof watching the stars with him. Maybe they're dead-tired, talking nonsense with lidded eyes at the end of a long day, fighting sleep in favor of more time spent with him.
"What- what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"
Their hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in their line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above them. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."
Sam does his best to follow their less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', their pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along their arm, he takes their hand in his and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"
"That's you." They say, matter-of-factly.
"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.
"Mhm." They nod with finality, blinking slow.
Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting them. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."
They scoff. "I am being serious."
Sam stifles a laugh into their hair. "No- no I mean- like... what's another name for it... Oh! It's also called the Dog Star."
"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."
He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but they cut him off before he can start. "But no- no, this one isn't about me. That's you."
He decides to play along, finding something endearing in their overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"
Their frown is audible in their voice as they latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"
He smiles at their over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, darlin', I promise."
They huff, but thankfully shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention. I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...There you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places 'n people I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, surrounded by the ghost of him. You outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me back home."
In the back of their mind, they recall something they once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can see a star that's already burnt out, because it's light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
They remember Sam's words, once whispered to them on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
They think about dead stars.
They think about time.
"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand slides up their forearm, pulling them out of their thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"
They look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.
They reach out, pulling him down into them. Burying their face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear their words, muffled against the thick fabric, but his hearing catches it just fine.
"Don't burn out too quick. Please. I still need you here. I don't- I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."
.......Whoopsies! Really, genuinely didn't mean to improv an entire scene there, good god. Also didn't mean to swerve hard into angst at the end but uh. that's what came out! so I'm rolling with it lmao. Aaanyways let's move on, it's getting late and this is a song analysis post, not a fic.
Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers
'Out of nowhere' reminds me of Sam's words from the same HBW video I referenced earlier. "You came into my life like a damn wreckin' ball. There was no preparing for that, clothing or otherwise." While those were Sam's words, not Darlin's, I still feel like they feel similarly to how suddenly Sam came into their life as well. (Not in a bad way, mind you!)
[the significance of 'answered all my prayers' edges into my own personal more headcanon-y/personal/OC-ified Darlin' territory, so we can just gloss over this one for the sake of at least attempting to keep this more universally applicable]
Picked up the towel that I threw in Took in a heart that was ruined
Again, largely self-explanatory I feel. (*proceeds to explain anyways*) I imagine that Darlin' was at the point of throwing in the towel, hellbent on a solo-mission to find Quinn regardless of the danger it posed to them. I doubt they were looking toward the future anymore, (to reference Sam,) fully willing to throw themself at their problems until they really did break.
The specific use of 'ruined' hits hard here, because after everything they went through with Quinn, and especially after he recounted it all to Sam in that interrogation room, I imagine that they really, truly did feel ruined.
Showed me the past ain't a tattoo Loved me even when you didn't have to
These lines in particular make me sick with emotion every time I hear this song, because I feel like they hit the nail on the head for how Darlin' feels.
I'll be here citing various quotes all night that I feel showcase that sentiment, but we don't have time for that! So instead I'm just pointing to the entirety of 'Quinn's Aftermath' video, and leaving you with this single quote from it.
"Everything that he said reflects nothin' on you, and everything on him."
Equally Applicable Lines
And I don't know why Why you saw something in me, baby But you saw right through All the pain, and you came and saved me Yeah, I know you didn't leave me lonely Weren't the one that put the heartbreak on me Picked up the pieces It wasn't the mess that you made Could've left me just the way you found me But you came and put your wings around me You went out of your way To fix what you didn't break
Again, I think these lines are all pretty self-explanatory, and are just as accurate coming from either one of them. To me, at least, their entire dynamic is that they saved each other, in their own ways.
(But I will admit, the final verses about 'going out of your way to fix what you didn't break' are definitely conjuring up memories of Sam in the early days, literally going out of his way to visit and heal Darlin' after their fight with the two vamps. In general, his continued/repeated healing of them after they once again hurt themselves is the very literal definition of fixing what he didn't break.
But! While we may have more blatant examples of Sam being 'the fixer' so to speak, I think he'd argue that Darlin' has done plenty fixing of their own. Physical wounds aren't the only things that need healing, after all.)
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[shameless self-promo of my Sam & Darlin' playlist for those few of u interested enough to make it to the very end of this wall of text. if u liked this then u might like some of the other songs on there soooo maybe go check it out and maybe perhaps give it a follow so i can get a little serotonin boost or dopamine or whatever the chemical is that's released when Number Go Up. ...okay that's it i hope u enjoyed my fixation-induced ramblings! thank u and goodnight]
#redacted audio#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted playlists#redacted asmr#redactedverse#music stuff#Spotify#Seven's Blorbo Songs#<- starting a dedicated tag for these kinda posts bc i feel like there will be. Many more#gotta go dig up the few i've made in the past and retroactively tag them. they weren't as Involved as this one but i'll still include 'em#good fucking god this post got long. i started it at like 2pm and now it's almost 8. i've been locked in on blorbo analysis for 6 hours#don't ask why it took That long to make this post okay i am. very slow. but i had a good time so it's all good#there's like 10 other things i needed to spend my free time on today but this post Demanded to be made asap so here we are#i've been stewing on this song for several days since i found it and i literally had to make this post to get it out of my system#i was gonna make One Big Post to discuss the entire playlist at once but it's got 80+ songs on it by now...#and i like to Yap if u cannot tell so it literally wouldn't even all Fit in a single post. so i'll probably just do individual songs#or maybe a few per post if they all fit a certain theme and aren't enough to justify their own post#anyways i. am so very very very in love with Sam. if you. cannot tell. from the entirety of this post. and the state of my blog#about halfway thru this post i realized i perhaps should've just written a songfic but those take so much more effort and time#and i'm already editing two that'll come out later this month. with two more in the wings. so i can't afford to start another#(not Redacted fics btw sorry but in spite of the little drabble i did on this post i'm actually scared to write for this fandom)#i don't feel confident enough not to mischaracterize them. plus i'm already juggling more than i can handle anyways#anyways the drabble + this post in general probably isn't very good lmao i Should like. draft it and edit it tomorrow with fresh eyes#but i wanna go ahead and send it out into the world and just let it be. it's not that big of a deal
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Sketches
#shuichi iguchi#shigaraki tomura#spinaraki#these were 2 unrelated sletches but then my brain starting brewing some thoughts#mainly an au where spinner is sent in as a spy (for???? not the heroes lmao) to get into Shigaraki's confidence which of course means#wink wonk bedroom activities ANYWAY spinner catches feelings and doesnt really want to inform on Shigaraki anymore and is feeling conflicted#about what he should do and shigaraki knows something is up with his maybe boyfriend but not what and just :))) angst and split loyalties#amd feeling torn in two directions#(i sya not heroes but the only group with enough prescence is the mla but thats not really their m.o. either so???? idk what group would#have the reach/influence to feel threatened by some upstart kid in the villain world and manipulate a member into taking this espionage job)#anyways ive got so many au ideas and not enough time to write a fic or 12 lmao#like the research + planning + plot points + writing + editing + energy to pull it off.... im tempted to dabble in it all again tbh#im a year behind the manga tho and still havent watched the last season so idk where characters have ended up#and id rather not write anything until i catch up (idk maybe horikoshi has revealed some fun/character specific info?)#here i am talking on + on in the tags. anywho if anyone wants to write a fic based on any of my posts feel free bc i probably never will
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until they echo back to you (the words i never said) [supercorp]
Genre: Fluff, First Kiss, Getting Together
Summary:
Kara takes a deep breath and straightens, channeling as much Supergirl-confidence as she can so that when she asks, “impressed?” Lena hears what she really means.
Or: Kara wears a tie, Lena fixes it for her, they say everything without saying anything.
Author's Note: title inspired by It Is Not Your Job by Caitlyn Siehl. i didn't like where this fic was going originally but now i think it's pretty okay??? not my best but i don't hate it anymore and that's +1 to my self-care points for sure 💕 anyways this fic is a short one-shot under my "100 ways to say i love you" series for supercorp! i have a longer fic for this prompt ("come here. let me fix it.") but i promised myself that i'll be posting more often this year even if that means shorter fics, so, enjoy the short version i have for this prompt!
ao3
until they echo back to you (the words i never said)
“Come here,” Lena smiles at the fifth huff Kara lets out. “Let me fix it.”
Lena steps closer, resplendent in a backless red dress and five inch heels. Black hair woven into an intricately braided bun, blue-green eyes framed around a golden shadow, and signature red lips looking soft and oh so—no. No more thinking, Kara promises herself.
Lena’s cold hands snap her back to reality, gently pull Kara’s fumbling fingers away from her sorry attempt at a neck tie. Slender fingers moving to nimbly twist it into the knot Kara’s been trying to force her tie into for the past thirteen minutes.
And despite Lena’s calming lilt telling her how to knot it right next time, all Kara can think of is how close Lena is. Of how Lena is so, so close. Close enough to count every delicately curled eyelash. Close enough to smell her ridiculously expensive perfume mixed with the coffee she had before they started getting ready. Close enough to brush against soft curves and warm skin. Close enough that if Lena looked up…
A gentle tug breaks Kara out of her thoughts just before Lena smooths down the neatened silk and steps back with a satisfied hum.
“You’re looking sharp, Ms. Maid of Honor.”
Heat shoots up Kara’s cheeks despite the beaming smile that takes up her face. “Well, you’re looking gorgeous.” Blue eyes can’t help taking another quick sweep of Lena’s ensemble. And, well, she did tell herself to stop thinking so much, right? “And, I guess, I was hoping to impress.”
Lena’s head tilts adorably and Kara can’t help but think that if everyone believes she’s a puppy, then Lena’s a cat. Lena’s brows crinkle so familiarly as she asks, “I thought you didn’t bring a date?”
“I didn’t,” Kara clarifies quickly, hoping that the breath Lena lets out is out of relief than anything else. Silence fills the space as a palpable tension starts to snake its way around the pair. Lena’s looking at her, eyes curious and cautious but something else. Something else Kara thinks might be reflected in her own gaze.
Another minute passes before Kara finally asks, “—So?”
“So?” Lena echoes, amusement clearly mixing with all the other emotions flitting through her face.
Kara takes a deep breath and straightens, channeling as much Supergirl-confidence as she can so that when she asks, “impressed?” Lena hears what she really means.
(And Lena does. Of course she does.)
Lena’s smile—crooked and dimpled and blinding—tells her everything she needs to know.
“Incredibly impressed,” Lena breathes, pulling her closer by her tie, lips barely brushing hers.
And then, well, Kara stops thinking at all.
#cw supergirl#supercorp#lena luthor#kara danvers#my writing#supercorp fic#maybe i should have a personal tag#queer bread writes#yeah that's it#ANYWAYS with this fic title i now only have EIGHT letters i need to start with to complete the modern filipino alphabet!!!!#FUCK YEAH#(that's my overall goal this year tbh to have enough fics that each title completes the alphabet)#(okay by 'overall goal this yea' i meant for the past 3 years aklsjdsakljds)
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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NON COMMITTAL QUESTION what do my followers (all 21 of you, including bots I’m sure) think about me posting fics?
Idk I’ve been watching twd (as is clear bc it’s the only thing I post ab rn) and daryl…
Lowkey I have a couple ideas already… it’s just I don’t want ppl who follow me to feel weird ab me posting fics? Idk if that makes sense. Like I don’t THINK ppl will have problems with it (this is literally tumblr) maybe I’m just insecure about my own abilities/ideas…
#idk why I’m so nervous to post this#like I y’all say yes then my hopes and dreams crash or smth lol#and I’m sure my writing is better than the sh*wn m*nd*s fic I wrote when I was 14#lowkey I’ve started writing smth for fun alr and it’s gone in a diff direction alr#but also idk if this is just my perception but I think it’s kinda hard to like. her mutuals and friends here without writing#also this writing would prob start with twd since I’m watching it rn but maybe I’ll write for some of the other fandoms I’m in#But also I’ve had this acc for ages just lurking idk if I want to post fics here?#but also I know myself and if I don’t use the same acc one will probably go to wasteland and never return#idk I need to hear opinions but have no one irl to talk to ab this 😭#the walking dead#twd#Daryl Dixon#Daryl Dixon fanfiction#Daryl Dixon x reader#idk if I should tag this in my other fandoms but I don’t want to flood their tags#if I started I’d write a Daryl fic first though
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Random Super Paper Mario headcanon because it doesn’t fit any of my WIPs so might as well say it here: the way Nastasia hypnotizes people is by taking some feelings or desires that the person already possesses and amplifying them to the max. So it’s less about brainwashing and more about bringing out a specific side of the person targeted.
For Bowser’s army, she used their desire to fight and win, to the point of them forgetting their loyalty and siding with the strongest leader around instead.
For Luigi, it was the resentment he has over being overshadowed by his brother, especially since I hc the Paper Mario series as taking place after Mario and Luigi in which the Luigi bullying is at its worst. Hence why Mr. L is such a boastful asshole talking about how amazing he is, or even the fact he calls his robot his brother as he would have negative feelings associated to a possible real sibling, hence the desire to “replace” him with a robot (note that I don’t think Luigi resents Mario himself but instead resents his situation with everyone preferring his brother over him, but he doesn’t hold it against Mario himself, especially since I see Mario as the one hyping him up and defending him against criticism the most).
On that note, I could see a version of SPM in which Luigi actually remembers who he is but is still willing to fight for Count Bleck, or maybe Nastasia changed some of his memories to make him think he and Mario had a terrible fight that led Luigi to Bleck instead of the whole kidnapping wedding (I may or may not have listened to Caleb Hyles’ cover of “Other Friends” while thinking about the first encounter with Mr. L 😅)
For Peach, I hc that her and Bowser are ex-lovers who had a bad breakup, and after several years of no contact Bowser needed some land, kidnapped her as blackmail, realized he still liked her and the whole kidnapping situation started. So for the wedding, Nastasia exemplified whatever romantic feelings Peach might have left, bringing her back to a time she would’ve been more than happy to marry Bowser. This could also be why Peach was able to fight back as much, since between how long it’s been and all his horrible actions, her possible remaining feelings for Bowser would be either very minimal or buried deep down, or both, hence requiring more effort for the hypnosis to work. Granted I like to think her fighting the hypnosis is also due to her being terrified of being used again the same way she had been by the Shadow Queen.
And on a related note, since we’re talking different hypnosis, I could see Fawful’s hypnosis work by making all the soldier’s memories of Bowser get replaced with memories of Cackletta or himself depending on which game we’re talking about. Basically the memories remain the same but instead of Bowser being there it’s Cackletta/Fawful, hence the army blindly following. Though it does raise the question of some brainwashed people acting “robotic” in Bowser’s Inside Story, along with the fact that the Koopalings can forget their own father while some random Goomba remembers him in Minion’s Quest.
#Super Paper Mario#Nastasia#Luigi#Mr l#Princess Peach#Fawful#I guess#should I tag this as Po//wser ?#Super Mario#Flor talks#hadn't posted much recently bc I was doing the exporting account thing and didn't know if posts/reblogs would mess it up#so expect another post and a few reblogs (queue ? What's that ? /j)#might also start posting some of my Mario oneshots soon enough; maybe in december#I've been in a mood to make WIPs but not edit them#like I straight-up have a full small fic written back in august that's still sitting in my folders waiting to be edited
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with great power...
(or, the spider-nance au);
Nancy aches. Everywhere, all over, it all aches. There are cuts on her face, her hair is wet from sweat. Dirt and blood—which she’s not a hundred percent sure is hers—streak her cheek, her hair. Her bones ache.
The only thing keeping her from quitting is the rage that burns in her chest. White hot rage that blisters.
Nancy perches in front of the man who tried to kill everyone. Who tried—and nearly succeeded—to kill Robin. Who’s responsible for all of those little girls gone missing, for Eleven. Who’s responsible for nearly tearing the town apart with his ‘scientific genius.’
He stands here in front of her, with a smug smirk tugging at his lips. Nancy clenches her jaw. He thinks he’s won. He thinks she won’t do it. (Nancy has always liked to prove people wrong.)
“Little spider, you’ve lost. You should’ve known better than to come after me.”
Nancy’s stance changes, one leg stretched out, an attack stance. The white-hot rage inside of her speaks, “I know what I got myself into. You should’ve known better, because now all I want to do is kill you myself.”
#ronance#robin buckley#nancy wheeler#spiderman au#spider-nance#stranger things#the link in the big text is to the first chap of the actual fic#then the second link is to the little blurb i just posted lmao#covering ALL MY BASES HERE#spider-man may not kill people#but spider-nance....#she's different she's got a vengeance#and a gun.#i hope this looks okay i spent a total of fifteen mins on it#moodboard#maybe i should start tagging this as#ronance moodboard#oh shit didn't realize tomorrow is au day for ronance week#hmmm maybe i'll have something tomorrow anyways
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She lacked the courage—or perhaps the will—to confess, however; that “medicine of the soul” Mother Superion gifted her was far too precious. She must have known already, with the end of the agitated nights and mindless self-destruction which at first had chained them to one another. With non-verbal avowal, they followed the rite. Dark seas of conscience explored together, as before, never speaking of the sunken nightmares just beneath those pacified waves—perhaps because the sharp, treacherous stones of truth awaited, invisible, just under the surface. (Debris, on AO3)
#doctor superion#warrior nun#jillian salvius#mother superion#warrior nun fanfiction#moodboard#so here is the first moodboard i ever did lol posted after the second one as i said i would post it#also these seem all bizarre associations but it makes sense in the fic ok lol if you read it you'll Know#what should i even tag this as#gifs and other visuals#narratives and similar#anyway posting this as i should have already and ending my cycle of promoting debris LOL#you'll maybe be happy to know i've begun working on new drabbles#although i am currently recharging and reading a lot before i start work on the next possibly last long oneshot
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