#maybe i should rewatch the scene itself

[sleepyicon]

wait, what?! i remember this conversation in the show, but knowing exactly what demetri said is a little crazy bc erm the situation eli put u in that made you join a dojo… wasn’t that him bullying you?? i can’t even think of any special memories demetri made with karate prior to the all valley besides beating hawk at the school fight. which was powerful, he was defending himself against his bully. karate might have also given him confidence and he used that confidence to ask out yasmine, but why was he genuinely thanking eli for that. my guy he BULLIED you. he BROKE your arm 😭 u forgave him? cool, but that doesn’t change what he did?? if anything, daniel is who helped you on your journey, HE was your sensei. and he was a sensei that understood you a hell of a lot better than the senseis of cobra kai. and the worst part is later in s6, demetri and eli end up having some beef that looks rlly fucking stupid compared to eli literally bullying demetri. this wasn’t supposed to be a rant post, but this conversation is just rubbing me the wrong way

[girlkomaeda]

thinking about replaying all the danganronpa games and reading more of the novels and spin offs n stuff…

[ennas-aesthetic]

You know what I just realized?

When Crowley said, "that's the point. No nightingales," I paused and went - huh. So both Aziraphale and Crowley KNEW about the actual nightingale bird that sang in Berkeley square? We as the audience are AWARE about it, of course, because God's narration told us so. We also know that, outside the mise en scène, Tori Amos' A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square plays as the end credits for season 1 roll.

But the s1 end credits song, I assumed, was non-diegetic. As in, like the soundtracks that permeate throughout most films, the song could only be heard by the AUDIENCE, and not by the characters. In addition, the characters THEMSELVES cannot hear what God says to the audience - and logically speaking both Crowley and Aziraphale could not have known about a singular, inconspicuous bird singing despite the noise of the traffic. Especially not when the Nightingale sings while they're currently dining at the Ritz.

So the 'No Nightingales' line WORKS for the audience - it's an incredible gut punch that leaves you weeping. But since we never heard or saw either Aziraphale and Crowley acknowledge the Nightingale, did that line have the same devastating impact to the both of them?

Oh, it absolutely did. Maybe even worse than we could ever imagine.

Because Crowley WASN'T just talking about that damn nightingale bird, was he? If you rewatch Season 1, Episode 6, you can see and hear VERY clearly that while Aziraphale and Crowley settle on their usual table at the Ritz, a pianist plays A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square inside the scene itself. Unlike the end credits, the piano version of the song is a DIEGETIC sound! That means both the Aziraphale and Crowley can hear it LOUD AS DAY.

And it's JUST - the heart-breaking contrast this has to Beelzebub and Gabriel's Everyday. When Crowley says 'No Nightingales," he implies that that was THEIR song. It's a specific reference enough to know that this became part of their history - of their rich plethora of inside jokes and shared memories. And judging by Aziraphale's shattered face, he KNEW the significance of the line. He KNEW that Crowley is throwing back THEIR song to his face. "If Gabriel and Beelzebub can do it, why can't we? Why can't we make the Nightingale a reality, the same way they made their Everyday come true?"

That A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square is Aziraphale and Crowley's Everyday becomes fact when Crowley turns the Bentley's radio on, only for it to play THIS song. THEIR song. Which SHOULD HAVE brought them together. It SHOULD HAVE. It worked for Gabriel and Beelzebub, didn't it?

Turns out, not every problem could be fixed by making that song yours.

[wenellyb]

How I feel about Buddie...

You guys have been warned, this is a long post.

I've always liked 911 and was a casual viewer but never got involved in the fandom or anything. Of course I knew about Buddie, but I personally never saw it. Buck and Eddie have always acted like best friends and do stuff best friends do. I have never seen any scene that could be interpreted as romantic, except maybe for the "you want to go for the title" scene. But to me it wasn't enough to ship them, especially since it was the only scenes in their hundreds of scenes together that could be seen as romantic.

That being said, I've always thought the ship was cute, and I understand it because who doesn't like a good friends to lovers storyline?

I just never got involved in the fandom because their behavior reminded me of the Stucky and Destiel fandom, which were chaotic experiences for me. Some people just don't know how to handle non canon ships and act entitled, complain to the showrunners and harrass the cast. I've always tried to avoid fandoms like that, but wasn't against the idea of Buddie as a ship.

The 911 Lone Star crossover episode for me was the confirmation that Buck was into men. To me, it was obvious they confirmed he was into men but hadn't set up a storyline yet. So naturally I thought... if they set up a storyline it will be with Eddie. There was no doubt it my mind.

So fast forward, a few years, I wasn't really watching season 7 and then I see all the fuss from Buddie shippers I follow, and it makes me watch the sneak peek video from 7x04 and I'm like....For sure Buck is being jealous right? (it was the scene where Eddie interrupted Tommy giving Buck a tour)

So I decided to watch the episode convinced this was going to be the episode where they confirmed Buddie, but I was also very cautious because Buddie shippers had cried wolf too many times before.

So I was careful, but I was also convinced that this was it: "Buck was going to get jealous of Eddie hanging out with Tommy and then confess his feelings or the other way around".

And that's actually what was happening until the end of the episode, we saw Buck get jealous, and most of us assumed he was being jealous about Eddie.

We didn't figure out until the end of the episode that it was all about Tommy.

And that's the beauty of that episode because you think you're watching something when in fact you're watching something else and when you rewatch some scenes you understand it, and that plot twist was written so beautifully.

So we have Buck and Tommy have a heart to heart in Buck's kitchen and they kiss. And what a kiss... the kiss itself was Nice but the look Buck gave Tommy after the kiss was breathtaking.

From that moment on, I was rooting for them.

But I still had Buddie at the back of my mind because I was thinking, what if this is all temporary and they're planning to break them up to set up a buddie storyline? So I shipped it but didn't want to get my hopes up.

This feeling got bigger when I started watching 7x05 and I saw the way their first date ended. I thought... this is it, we might not see Tommy again, what a shame. But then Buck talked to Maddie about his date and confessed it was with Tommy. And Maddie asked: "so tell me about the hot pilot", and I thought this isn't how they'd talk about a character we never see again. But I didn't know for sure.

Maybe they were setting up a Buck x Eddie storyline....

I changed my mind when I saw Buck's coming out scene to Eddie, the scene was beautiful and at that point I still was thinking Buddie was a possibility. But one line made me think that Buddie wasn't happening: "I can't stop thinking about him".

No writer would put a line like that and have Oliver say it like that with that look, if they were thinking Buck and Eddie would have a romantic scene in the future. And if you do write that, you would get a jealous reaction from the other character, not a "You should call Tommy".

And then I was conforted in my feelings when the writers doubled down and had Buck invite Tommy to Maddie's wedding. Buck could have just apologized and asked Tommy on antoher date, but no, he invited him to his sister's wedding.

There has been absolutely no hint of a romantic relationship between Buck and Eddie throughout the season. There has never been a sign of jealousy from Buck or Eddie's side when they were dating Tommy, Marisol. If they had been setting up that storyline, the writers would put some hints here and there. Instead, they shared meaningful scenes like best friends do.

I never had anything againdt Buddie as a ship, I was even open to it, but all the times I thought Buddie was going to happen, it was because of the fandom, not because of something I saw in the saw...To me Buddie is and will stay a fanon ship.

TL:DR: I don't hate the ship, I find it cute but the behavior of some shippers has made me want to stay away from the fandom. And when I thought Buddie might be happening, the writers showed us they had long term plans for Bucktommy.

[tyrantisterror]

At Sea Without a Map Post-Script

After two months of so, my little writing experiment At Sea Without a Map has come to an end. And because I'm vain, I not only felt compelled to share it, but to talk about it in depth after the fact, so here we are. This is going to be long, though, so I'm not only going to break it into sections, but put it all under the cut for the sake of your dashboard. So go ahead and dive into the depths of the Sea of Monsters with me one more time!

Part 1: Never Stop Blowing Up

The writing process of Wizard School Mysteries Book 3 was really strained - not because of the book itself, mind you. When I was actually able to work on it, Book 3 came together really well - I think it required the least substantial rewrites of any my novels thus far. It's just that real life was kind of beating the shit out of me while I was trying to get it done - or maybe the better metaphor was that it was just slowly but steadily draining me of energy all the time. I'm honestly surprised I got the book out in roughly the same amount of time as the first two - by the way life had been treating me, it should have taken longer.

But when I got done with it I was accutely aware of how tired I was. I still had the creative drive, but fuck I needed something simple as a palette cleanser - something easy, and more importantly, something that was allowed to be bad. I needed something creative to do that was surplus to requirements and fully within its rights to suck ass so long as I had fun making it.

Around this time, I decided to rewatch Dimension 20's Never Stop Blowing Up. Brief explanation of what that is: Dimension 20 is an actual play show, i.e. a recording of people playing D&D and other TTRPGs. I'd say its reputation is built on the contrast of its main DM, Brennan Lee Mulligan, who makes these meticulously crafted campaign plans, and his chaotic band of improv comedian players who promptly derail those plans spectacularly. Like, a good deal of the show's humor comes from Emily Ashford or Ally Beardsly doing something so off-the-wall that it shatters whatever the scene was going to be and creates a far more absurd and zany spectacle in its place. Which is why Never Stop Blowing Up is pretty notable, because it's the one campaign where Brennan himself is the agent of chaos, fully unleashing his own brand of madness that the players struggle to keep up with. And fuck does he seem to have fun with it.

Of course, all of the analysis above is purely from the outside looking in - it's likely that a lot of the "chaos" is played up for the audience. But still... there is something to the idea of a person who's been working on meticulously structured stories letting loose and just doing something extremely stupid.

So I decided to give myself a Never Stop Blowing Up moment - a short story that would be simple by design, with no standards to live up to or goal beyond "have fun telling a silly little story." I then came up with a few key criteria:

It can't be set in the Midgaheim/ATOM universe. I don't want the burden of figuring out where this story would fit among others.

It's gotta be a romance. People who've read my books might have picked up on the fact that I like to write about people falling in love, for the same reason I like to write about fire-breathing reptiles and friendly monsters (i.e. I use writing to indulge in things I'll never experience in real life). I've only used romance as subplots in my fiction before, and tend to feel a bit guilty if I focus on it too long - like I'm being self indulgent. Well, this is all about self indulgence, so the romance should be front and center.

It's gotta be SIMPLE, episodic even. Not complex plotting required.

I almost chose my xenomorph romance for this, but I had developed its outline to the point where it would be too complex to fit. I then considered a sort of superhero story that could be pitched as "what if Bringing Up Baby but Katherine Hepburn's character is a Harley Quinn-esque supervillain and Cary Grant's character gets turned into some sort of horrifying genetic mutant in the first ten minutes." That one hit a weird roadblock when I got to the character brainstorming phase (the first phase of any writing project I do) - I was trying to figure out what the mad scientist who turns out Cary Grant-figure into a mutant would be named, came up with the name "Dr. Skullfuck," immediately realized that having a character named "Dr. Skullfuck" is a Mark Millar-ass writing move that I could not allow myself to do, but then couldn't stop thinking of the name "Dr. Skullfuck" and giggling, which just brought all thinking to a grinding halt on that project.

(I'll still probably do it someday, though - just, you know, without Dr. Skullfuck)

Inspiration struck again, though. I'd been getting into Epic: The Musical, a musical retelling of The Odyssey, and it put me in the mood for a sea monster story. But, more than that, it got me thinking about one particular archetype from sea monster stories - but that brings us to the next part of this Post Script...

Part 2: It Was Always About Calibani

Ok, so, one of the big changes Epic: The Musical made involved Odysseus's encounter with the sirens, and before you read more of my rambling, I'd like you to watch two animatics for the two songs in question here:

A summary: one of the sirens takes the form of Odysseus's wife to try and tempt him into getting in the water, Odysseus tricks her into giving him directions, captures her and the rest of her kind, and proceeds to have his men slaughter them horribly. In the OG story the sirens don't die - nor does their song involve imitating a man's wife, for that matter, it's just a really pretty song.

This is done for an important narrative purpose - Epic: The Musical is focused on analyzing the moral ambiguity of Odysseus, and how it is constantly challenged by the impossible choices he is forced to make in his attempt to get home. At this point in the musical, Odysseus has decided to stop trying to be a compassionate man, shirking all mercy in favor of utter ruthless pursuit of his goals. These two songs are meant to be unsettling as hell - this is the beginning of a series of heartless choices by both Odysseus and his men that will culminate in the mutiny and complete annihilation of Odysseus's crew, as well as Odysseus himself being so hopelessly stranded that nothing short of divine intervention will save him.

I bring this up because when I first heard these two songs - specifically while watching these two animatics - it, like... it devastated me. I was so horrified and sad, so shaken by it. And part of it was for the reasons outlined above, but admittedly that wasn't the gut reaction I had. No, my immediate reaction was, and I quoute my own broken brain verbatim here: "You can't kill the sirens! They're not for killing, they're for loving!"

...now, those of you who know me are probably not surprised by this very stupid sentiment coming from me. One of my more popular posts is just me talking about how down bad I would be for various folkloric monsters whose whole shtick is "looks like a pretty lady but Watch Out." But as a person filled with immense self loathing and doubt, my brain immediately looked at that very stupid sentiment I expressed and said, "Wait, no, that's fucking dumb, I'm fucking dumb. The sirens are remorseless murderers. These sirens in particular preyed upon a man's love for his wife, who he has not seen in twelve years, to convince him to let them kill him. They are, by all standards of morality, Very Fucking Evil, and if they were not women you would not feel bad about them getting killed."

And as my brain argued with itself over this topic, I got to thinking about the various monstrous/othered sea women of The Odyssey - not just the sirens, but the witch Circe, the nymph Calypso, the monsters Scylla and Charybdis. And I thought about the others of their kind in other myths and folktales - selkies, mermaids, etc.

There's an archetype of sea monster that focuses entirely on one specific anxiety sailors are prone to, namely the fact that (for a good deal of human history) being on a boat meant spending a lot of time away from women. The horror of this monster is how it uses that desire for female company to tempt people into danger - like a mirage, it leads you to expose yourself to danger in pursuit of an illusory comfort.

But, unlike real world mirages, these monstrous sea women DO exist in their stories. More than that, they're often, like, sad and lonely. Their narrative purpose is just to be a temptation, but that doesn't change the fact that they do have lives of their own in these worlds. And, softie that I am, I can't help feeling sad for them, especially the ones who actually seem to want the same companionship the sailors they tempt want. Sailors don't stay with their Circes, they don't marry their Calypsos. The sirens live on a barren rock, alone, Scylla is left to wallow in misery at her monstrous form, and the selkie always has to leave for fear of being trapped by a person who won't love her on her terms.

I realized I had my hook for this simple, easy, silly little sea monster romance story: I was going to give a sea woman the happy ending she'd never get from anyone else.

Sailor may be the protagonist, but make no mistake: At Sea Without a Map was always, always, ALWAYS about Calibani.

The goal with Calibani was simple: I was going to set up a fairly standard Monstrous Sea Woman, but where other stories would let her be in one episode of the travel narrative and move on, this one would stick around. She'd be an unambiguous predator of human beings - an open and admitted maneater - but she would have no true malice to her. She, like all predators, eats what she can get to survive, and it just so happens that she's adapted to eat humans. And the story would pose the same question to the reader that my brain posed to me during Different Beast: is there any way you could make a siren-style sea monster sympathetic? Can you make a normal person who doesn't have my particular brain rot look at a maneating siren and think, "You're not supposed to kill her, you're supposed to love her!"

One of the few unavoidable plot points of At Sea Without a Map was that Calibani and Sailor's relationship would become romantic. What kind of romance it was could have varied substantially - it could have been one-sided, it could have been toxic, it could have been far more tragic OR far more comedic. But it was always, always going to be a romance of some sort - the goal of this experiment was to make you, the reader, love Calibani. All else was icing on the cake.

I decided to base Calibani's personality on Miranda from The Tempest - i.e. a sweet girl who is both wordly and naive, who understands the strange setting of our "lost at sea" story far better than the audience viewpoint character does, but views the mundane world of the audience viewpoint character with wonder and naiveté. In fact I almost named her Miranda outright... except I already had a character in the setting I chose for this story who had that name, and as an allusion to the same Shakespearean character no less. So I settled on naming her after Miranda's adoptive sibling (of sorts), Caliban - more fitting in some ways, as Caliban is a fish-human hybrid who is arguable more native to the magic island in The Tempest than Miranda herself.

(Calibani isn't the only Tempest name homage, either - her mother, Sycorax, takes her name directly from Caliban's unseen but oft-spoken of witch mother. Dr. Antonia Warefore takes her first name from Antonio, one of the human villains in The Tempest who hopes to use being lost at sea as a way to perform a coup. And the mothman Iriel takes her name from Ariel, the wind spirit in The Tempest who aids the wizard Prospero in controlling the magic island. If Sailor has a "real" name, it's probably either Ferdinand or Miranda, the two lovers who manage to blend civilization and the wilderness together with their romance.)

Visually, I wanted Calibani to not be any common archetype of sea monster woman, but rather something that evokes the popular images while still being her own thing. She's not a mermaid or a siren or a selkie - she's basically "what if a sea serpent was also a girl." In-universe, she's chubby because she, like all marine megafauna, needs blubber to survive. Out-of-universe, she's chubby because I've found that routinely drawing cute chubby girls is good for my mental health.

Part 3: CYOA

Now, while we live in a post-Muncher society where shame and cringe are emotions only the cowardly should experience, I am nonetheless Very Catholic about expressing my own feelings of, like, liking girls and shit. I cannot help feeling guilty when publicly expressing adoration of women without, like, an excuse - it's gotta be a joke or something, you know? I can't be genuine about it, or else Jesus will beat me with a cane for disrespecting women with my lecherous gaze.

But luckily I've cultivated a loyal audience of fellow monsterfuckers, which meant I had an excuse lined up: if I made this a choose your own adventure type deal, a story with audience participation, then you all would be my accomplices. And Jesus can't cane all of us! He doesn't have enough hands! I found a loophole bigger than his stigmata!

Plus I love collaborative story-telling - there's a thrill in not having total control of where the narrative is going. As Brennan Lee Mulligan must know, there's a joy in having to deal with the chaos thrown your way by letting others grab the figurative ball, even if just for a moment.

Part 4: Offbeat Melody

Since I did not want to set this story in Midgaheim, I decided to steer myself away from a vaguely medieval setting altogether. But I also didn't want to limit myself with the need for "realism" that putting it in a normal sea would require, and making a new setting whole cloth would start pushing this project into "not easy" territory.

Luckily, I had a setting lying around that I hadn't played with in a while, which just so happened to have a location that was PERFECT for the sort of Never Stop Blowing Up style madness I was aiming for. For a few years I ran a Monster of the Week TTRPG campaign called Offbeat Melody, and one of its core setting elements was taking the goblin universe hypothesis in paranormal science (yeah it's a real hypothesis) to an illogical extreme. We had specifically seen glimpses of the Sea of Monsters in Offbeat Melody, i.e. the parallel universe where monsters like Nessie, Ogopogo, Champ, and the like all hail from. Well, why not have a whole story set there? It's literally a universe devoted solely to creating sea monsters - what better place to strand our modern Odysseus?

Offbeat Melody was always sort of a Never Stop Blowing Up project, or at least NSBU adjacent. Some of my most unhinged story-telling moments are in that campaign - you could make a supercut of just the "commercial breaks" in the various sessions and it'd basically be an I Think You Should Leave episode. Taking one obscure corner of its multiversal world and exploring it in detail was perfect for this project.

Part 5: Monster by Monster

With our main romance as sorted out as could be for a CYOA story, it was time to figure out the "episodes" of this sea voyage. I settled on there being ten to roughly align with The Odyssey - just in terms of number, mind you, not in a one-to-one comparison. The first was, obviously, Calibani herself, which left nine more slots for me to fill with monsters. Let's go through them together in brief:

Tree Storks - any lost at sea story eventually has to get its protagonist into an island at some point, but this immediately begs the question, "Why don't they just stay on the island where it's safe?" The answer to that question has to be, "it's not safe there, actually." The Odyssey does this quickly and cleverly with a one two punch: the first island seems safe until you realize the food on it brainwashes you into forgetting everything except your desire to eat it, and the second island is full of delicious sheep but also giants who will eat you just as easily as they eat the sheep. When other islands show up in the story later, you immediately regard them with suspicion, because you don't know HOW they're going to be fucked up, but they definitely will be. My goal with the second episode was to establish the same sort of danger - that land is NOT safe, that islands WILL be fucked up and dangerous in ways you might not expect.

I also wanted to establish that this is not just a sea of monsters, but a very WEIRD sea of WEIRD monsters. It couldn't be any old monster on this island - it had to be one that was unique, unexpected, and maybe just a bit silly while still being menacing.

I've always felt that there's a lot of un-mined horror potential in storks, cranes, and herons - any bird with a long neck and spear-like beak it uses to stab smaller creatures from above. Just imagine yourself in a frog's place in the world - tiny, going about your business, when suddenly something shoots down at you from above and impales you before you even feel the shadow fall over your face. Or perhaps you did see the shadow - some of these birds spread their wings to create shade specifically to attract fish, and then spear the poor little bastards.

Well, what do people often look to islands for when out at sea? Shade - the shade of a palm tree. And palm fronds kinda resemble feathers, don't they? Wouldn't it be both ludicrous and terrifying is there was a stork big enough to mimic a palm tree - and wouldn't that be a DEVIOUS trap for a sun-drenched sailor to fall for? So the Tree Storks were born.

The Globster - I made a list of sea monster archetypes in the early planning for this project, and one I wanted to include was a kraken, i.e. some sort of tentacled sea beast. But I didn't want to do JUST a big squid or octopus, or even a riff on them. I wanted to take the idea of "big sea monster with lots of tentacles" into a stranger direction.

Since the Sea of Monsters is explicitly the home universe of lake and sea monster cryptids, I thought it might be fun if ASWaM's kraken equivalent was a globster - just a big ball of rotten meat. I love drawing monstrous faces, so I decided it'd just be, like, MADE of hideous rotten faces, all melting and congealing together, with its tentacles doubling as the tongues of its many mouths. A perfectly wretched image that, like the Tree Storks, would do well to establish how Fucked things could get in this setting. Plus similar monsters had appeared in Offbeat Melody, which would make for a fun sense of familiarity for the, like, five or so readers of mine who had listened to that campaign before.

Captain Peter & the Dolphin - Another thing I did in the early planning stages of this project was make a list of the different sea voyage stories I know and love, the most contentious of which is The Life of Pi. That's a story that I love on a literal level but kind of hate on a figurative level - its whole theme/message is that doubt is the worst thing you can have, that if you don't commit to believing something with zealous conviction you are a coward. As a person who thinks doubt is valid, that "I don't know" is sometimes the ONLY truly valid answer to a question, I have issues with that message.

But I can't help loving the beautifully ludicrous idea of a non-anthropomorphic tiger sailing the ocean on a big Odyssey of its own. Like, if that story didn't actively hate me for being agnostic, it would be one of my favorites.

So I decided to, you know, just steal the idea of a tiger Odysseus. The tiger in The Life of Pi is named Richard Parker. Richard Parker also happens to be the name of Peter Parker's dad. Hence we get Captain Peter - the figurative son of Richard Parker, if you will. And to ratchet up the absurdity of a tiger Odysseus, I made him a pirate and the sole sailor of his voyage. Somehow, this tiger has manned a boat on his own.

Captain Peter was intended to be the hero of another story - a sign for the readers that it IS possible for a stranded person (or, in this case, tiger) to survive out here. To that end, he had to rescue our heroes from another threat, but not one that would be interesting enough to take the focus off of the tiger pirate. Originally I planned for that threat to just be a big shark, but I ended up liking my shark design too much to put it in a role that small, so I quickly designed a nasty dolphin for the role instead. I think that worked out well, honestly.

Dr. Neptune - Episodes 5 and 6 were the mid-point of this journey, so I wanted the two monsters of those to escalate things significantly. I figured episode 5 was probably a good place to FINALLY give some meaningful exposition on what was going on, and there are a lot of stories about mad scientists doing weird shit on islands in my big list of sea voyage stories I love. So we get Dr. Neptune, a classical brain-in-a-jar mad scientist who's affable enough to give more-or-less accurate exposition but loony enough to be a problem. This also felt like a good spot to remind the reader that Calibani is not just a girl with a tail but rather a Sea Monster herself, and one that we'd been making stronger by allying with.

With his human-but-not-quite nature and cyclops eye, Dr. Neptune could sort of be seen as the Polyphemus of this story, couldn't he?

The Crocodisle - One of the sea monster archetypes on my list was "the island that's actually a sleeping monster," of which there are many in mythology and folklore. My favorite is the Jasconius from the voyage of St. Brendan, mainly because it's more or less benign and actually comes back to help St. Brendan and his crew at the end of the story. I always love when I can find an old story with a friendly monster in it.

When thinking of my own spin on the island monster concept, I remembered the only Magic the Gathering card I had as a kid, which I still have and love to this day: The Sandbar Crocodile. This card already inspired Crocogon's color scheme in The Atomic time of Monsters, but I felt I could go to that well again one more time, and so made a crocodile that wasn't just a sandbar, but a whole damn island to itself. And, like Jasconius, it turns out he's pretty chill.

I did not think of the pun name "Crocodisle" until I was actually writing the chapter in question.

The Femdom Mermaids - These three were a late addition to the roster. When I had Calibani bring up mermaids early in the story, I realized as soon as I wrote her rant about them that we'd HAVE to meet some later on in the story.

The readers had significantly shaped Calibani and Sailor's romance by this point, and I decided that it could be useful to have a chapter that was devoted to showing definitively how these two were good for each other. I thought the mermaids could provide a good contrast: have them act out a seemingly more benign take on the monstrous sea women trope (they abduct our hero to protect and care for them!) only for it to quickly feel MORE deranged than Calibani's comparatively simple desire just to eat him.

The spirit of Calibani's rant about mermaids was taken from weird* girls I knew in high school complaining about cheerleaders, so I wanted the mermaids to look like the sea monster equivalent of popular kids to Calibani's chubby weird girl. Two of them got the names of famous beauties - Helyne = Helen of Troy, Clio = Cleopatra.

(*when I say "weird" I mean it in a complimentary and affectionate sense)

Bob, meanwhile, kinda... rebelled, I guess? Before I had names for them, I listed "bob" by her as just, like, a descriptor for her hair cut, but then I liked it as her name, and once she was named Bob she became more than just a mean popular girl. She was a weirdo too, the little punching bag of the two mean popular girls who did their dirty work and smiled through their abuse because hey, at least they included her. It gave the trio an easily defined dynamic, helped make two of the three more visibly nasty, and gave us comic relief in an arc that could very well have gotten too uncomfortable otherwise.

And I guess it worked - readers REALLY loved Bob, and were very vocal about it, and I realized mid-arc that I had accidentally made her too likable to just leave in this arc. So Bob got to be rescued from her awful friend group thanks to readers like YOU.

Lord Ironteeth - yeah, this was the shark that was too cool to be a minor threat. When I drew his noggin, I realized he would need a chapter of his own, one with gravitas. I decided he'd specifically be the threshold guardian -once we beat him, we'd know for sure how to get home, even if there were a few more threats in store.

Spindle Inc and Sycorax - when I was a kid I used to have this recurring nightmare about being on some sort of underwater sea station that had this huge sea serpent trapped inside it. I'd look at the sea serpent from a window within the station and see it coiling in its tank, only for it to look at me with fury. In that glance I would suddenly realize two things with absolute clarity: first, it was going to break free and kill everyone, and second, we deserved that destruction for what we had done to it. The terror of the dream was less that the sea serpent was going to break free, and more the guilt of knowing that all the mayhem that was about to unfold was our fault to begin with.

I thought that would be fun to homage with the penultimate chapter of this story. OBVIOUSLY the sea serpent was Calibani's mom, obviously the trauma of its capture was why Calibani grew into a predator that specializes in hunting humans, obviously we would have to free the sea serpent despite that running counter to Sailor's goal of getting home. Easy, easy, easy plot point to include.

Spindle, Inc. is the primary antagonistic force in Offbeat Melody, so they easily slotted into the role of the arrogant humans who captured this monster for nefarious and selfish motives. They could tie a lot of other plot threads together too - Dr. Neptune was a scientist who worked for them as a contractor only to get screwed over (i.e. they stranded him in the Sea of Monsters, expecting him to die, and then used his research to make their own base of operations in it), we'd learn of him through a spindle briefcase left behind by some unfortunate rogue agent who got eaten by the Globster while he was trying to escape, hell they could even be one of the possible origins of Sailor themself (more on that later). Very useful villains, Spindle.

The Abyssal Mother - I knew the last sea monster would need a lot of punch to it. I briefly considered just a big whale - the Moby Dick to Spindle's corporate Ahab - but it felt underwhelming after all that came before. So I went for arguably the most dramatic possible sea monster, a full on Cthulhu-style elder god. If you're a frequent follower of this blog, you might know I have particularly high standards for Eldritch Abominations, so I realized this was going to be a pretty big challenge for me to live up to, and decided to keep the cthulhu in question reserved to the last few entries as a result - the less it appears, the less it has to live up to.

I realized I had a good angle when my experiments with the Cthulhu "squid for a head" concept ended up having a face framed in shadow - you know, the same visual that our protagonist has in most appearances. That provided some very juicy parallels between the two that made this final monster feel particularly noteworthy to me, ones that I'll leave you to ponder, since they tie into...

Part 6: Themes

I did not set out to have a theme in this story. I just wanted to make a sailor and a sea monster kiss. That was my only goal.

But I really don't begin with theme in ANY of my writing. I figure out topics I want to address, but for all my novels I feel like the themes didn't start coming together until about halfway through the first draft, when enough of the elements of the story had been set down and interacted with each other enough for me to realize what I was saying with them. A huge part of my second and third drafts for my novels have focused on making the themes of my stories more concrete and unified.

Well, ASWaM is very much a first draft of a story, but it's a simple enough story that I think the theme found itself pretty well despite lacking subsequent drafts to refine it.

ASWaM is about doubt and direction. It's about being adrift in a world that is in many ways hostile by nature, about not feeling like you're where you're supposed to be or even WHO you're supposed to be, and about setting off aimlessly in the hope that maybe you'll find your way to that mythical land of "what my life is supposed to be."

When I began the story, Sailor had amnesia and wore clothes that obscured their identity as a way to make it easier for anyone to step into Sailor's role. Sailor had to feel like You, the Reader, and so we don't know their name, their gender, their eye color, their hair color, even their skin color (note that their hands are always wearing gloves, and their face is always in shadow).

But it also meant Sailor is, well, undefined, at least at the start of the story. Sailor doesn't know who they are, what they are, how they came to be. Sailor feels distinctly that they should be Something Else, should be Somewhere Else, should be Someone Else, should not be who/what/where they are. Sailor is plagued by doubt, by a need to go in a different direction, by a need to be other than they are.

This initially contrasts with Calibani, who begins the story very confident that she is doing exactly what she was designed to be doing and acting exactly like she should be. As they interact, they begin to shift each other in opposite directions - Calibani questions her existence and nature, sometimes to a self destructive degree, and Sailor begins to find something about who and where they are that they like. They find a healthy middle ground together - doubtful enough to want to be better people, but with love for themselves that allows them to not feel the need to up-heave their lives entirely.

I knew at the start that I would build an expectation for there to be some answer to the question of who Sailor is and where they came from, because those are the questions that begin the whole narrative. I brainstormed a number of answers to those questions, but once I got a few chapters into writing the story and saw this theme of doubt developing, I realized I couldn't answer them. From a thematic standpoint, the doubt HAD to remain. So I gave hints to possible answers, bits of evidence to support the possibility of them being true, but never planted a smoking gun that answered it for sure.

Sailor can't know the answer because NONE of us know the answer. Outside of blind Life of Pi style faith, you cannot know for sure that you are living the life you're supposed to live. All you can do is figure out whether you're happy with the life you've got, or if you need a change. Sailor will never know who they are supposed to be, but they did learn who they are, and they love that person now.

For those curious, the possible Sailor origins are:

Occam's Razor: they're exactly what Dr. Neptune theorized, i.e. a human who got stranded in the Bermuda Triangle (or the Devil's Triangle or any other number of paranormal triangles) and fell into the Sea of Monsters. The trauma of that experience gave them amnesia. It's just brain damage and bad luck.

A Spindle Experiment: Dr. Warefore mentions that Spindle has been trying to find a way to make a human who can evolve like the denizens of the Sea of Monsters. Sailor may well be an attempt to do just that, perhaps one they wrote off as a failure and abandoned (they do that a lot)

A Deep One: Sailor is the offspring of one of the denizens of the Sea of Monsters (most likely the Abyssal Mother herself) who has somehow been tricked into believing they are human, to the point where they seem to be human to everyone else, even other monsters. Maybe a human summoned a sea monster to breed with on earth, and Sailor ended up being subconsciously drawn back to the Sea by their blood. Maybe Sailor never actually lived on earth at all, but was only made to THINK they had as part of the transformation into a human.

The Platonic Ideal of a Sailor: the Sea of Monsters is full of archetypal concepts, and arguably a sailor trying to find their way home is just as archetypal as any sea serpent, mermaid, or kraken. Our only proof that humans aren't native to the Sea of Monsters is Dr. Neptune, and he's not as reliable an expert as he claims to be.

This theme of doubt and direction also made the compass more important to the narrative than a simply mechanic for audience participation - a compass, after all, gives direction, and the feeling that Sailor is not where they're supposed to be, that they need to head in a different direction, is ultimately the catalyst of the plot. The compass is, in many ways, the antagonist of the story - the force that keeps Sailor from accepting themself. I realized this a little after I started making the different directions have personalities - initially they just represented broad concepts (North = follow conventional wisdom ala the North Star, South = preserve your short-term self interest at all costs, East = act with curiosity and be willing to take calculated risks, and West = throw caution to the wind and do anything that seems novel and exciting), but over time they became little characters themselves.

Since it was our thematic antagonist, I decided to pepper in some ideas about what the compass might be in-universe - and, in a move that would no doubt frustrate the compass, we also don't know for sure which of those is "correct." Is the compass a poltergeist, some amalgamation of dead sailors who try to steer other lost souls home? Is it a malign entity that leeches off of those desperate enough to seek its aid, living through them while pretending to aid them? Is it a device Spindle made to lure sailors to their clutches, OR to guide their experiments in human/monster hybrids? Was it a cursed item that forced a sea monster to assume a human shape? Who can say - the compass sure can't, it can only tell you a direction to go in.

Part 7: Q&A

Since this was an interactive story, I felt it was only fitting to add one last interactive element to this post-script write up, and some of your happily obliged me by sending in questions.

When I noticed how fast readers were falling for Calibani, I figured there was a good chance we'd end up staying in the Sea of Monsters. By chapter 7, I figured it was more or less a given, and by the end of the Lord Ironteeth encounter I was almost 100% sure Sailor would remain at sea. There was always a chance, though - while a look at the polls shows that the audience got more and more on the same page towards the end, there were always dissenting voices, and the desire to get an answer to the question of Who Sailor Was remained strong, as a number of people kept trying to find angles where they could get that AND stay with Calibani.

I was surprised early on by how easily the audience fell in love with Calibani, to the point where I made a few posts commenting on it. I mean, I shouldn't have been - as I said earlier, I have cultivated an audience of fellow monsterfuckers on here, and I know at least a few of them saw my bait and knew they could get me to be freaky in a way we found mutually agreeable (thank you all again for helping me escape being caned by Jesus for being horny).

Like, we REPEATEDLY ignored developing the plot in the Tree Storks chapter for several days just to spend more time with Calibani - something that I enjoyed immensely (this whole thing was an excuse for me to write and draw a cute chubby sea monster girl as much as possible aftter all) but also knew as a storyteller was not what most would consider a good story call. I like how it turned out, but it defied conventional narrative wisdom, you know? I was surprised.

On the other side of the coin, I was also surprised by how the audience NEVER chose an option that was humorously disastrous. I gave plenty of them, and, like, generally in collaborative storytelling there will be at least one moment where your collaborators decide to do the really, REALLY stupid thing that makes everything spiral out of control really quickly. I figured at least once the audience would choose the troll response, but no, you guys worked hard to keep Sailor and Calibani alive. You refused to let them hurt each other, refused to let them throw themselves into danger, refused to imperil them for your own chuckles. It was very sweet and unexpected.

I say "you refused" but to be fair it's not like NO ONE voted for the troll options - they generally got a handful of votes, just one that was beaten by a landslide of more reasonable options. Hopefully those of you who voted for the troll options enjoyed Bob throwing you a bone by disintegrating Dr. Warefore - that was my consolation prize to you.

Yes. I knew at the beginning that there would be two endings for this story: either Sailor leaves the Sea and goes home, or Sailor stays there forever. Or, you know, Sailor dies as a result of you guys choosing several stupid options in a row, but as stated above you guys avoided those scenarios pretty decisively.

Had Sailor gone home, the following would have occurred: first, they would forget everything that happened in the Sea of Monsters. Second, they would wake up in a hospital, having been found in the Atlantic Ocean by a human-recovery charity run by... oh, isn't that funny, some tech company named Spindle Inc! Spindle would foot the medical bills and even offer Sailor a job, but Sailor would decline because even now they're still not sure what Spindle even does. Sailor would go back to their life and find it familiar and utterly mundane, but not particularly happy. Their father died when they were 18, their mother was never in the picture, they have no siblings. They worked an office job and were sort of a nonentity - that position has long since been filled, but Sailor gets a new job and lives out much the same life: simple, mundane, dreary. Every now and then they get a pang of desire to leave, to go to sea, but they push it out of mind. They never even see the ocean again as long as they live.

Sailor would have gotten the normal life they thought they were supposed to have, the normal memories and name and identity, the mundane life of a normal person. And they just had to trade everything they found in the Sea of Monsters to get it. A question is answered, a direction is followed, but is it the right answer, the right direction?

Well, I think doubt would have remained.

I had a very vague idea for there to be some sort of man-eating giant in, like, a crystal castle. He got cut to make way for the mermaids.

I wanted to fit in a big whale and a giant crustacean, but there wasn't room or an interesting angle for me to want to make room for them. Saved for a possible sequel, I suppose.

I also wanted to have a scene with, like, DOZENS of sea monsters, including some of the ones from Offbeat Melody, but the goal of "this should be EASY you dumbass" made me kill that idea pretty quick.

Thank you!

The primary inspirations were:

The Odyssey and Epic: the Musical

The voyage of St. Brendan

The many "weird shit happens on an island" movies in Toho's filmography, i.e. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, Son of Godzilla, Yog Monster of the Deep, Matango, etc.

The Island of Dr. Moreau

The Boy and the Heron

Ponyo (specifically Ponyo's parents - I wanted Sailor to have the same desperate energy as that wizard who fucks the giant sea goddess)

The Life of Pi

Slay the Princess (perhaps most obvious in the use of second person narration, multiple voices in the protagonist's head, and falling in love with a creature that has tried to kill you at least once)

I'm going to use this to springboard to a related point in a second, but first a genuine yet humorous answer: Yes, absolutely yes, I am enough of a big romantic sap that I would give everything about my life away to be with a person who loves me and explore a world of monsters in a heartbeat. Hell, I would have jumped in the water the minute Calibani asked and died with her fangs in my neck and a smile on my face. I am dumb this way. Do not follow my example.

On that related point, though... Most stories like this, I daresay ALL stories like this that I know of, end with the hero abandoning the fantasy world in favor of reality, never to return. And that seems like the proper choice and lesson on the surface - we don't want to tell audiences to give up their real life in favor of a fantasy, after all. That's encouraging escapism, and that's not healthy!

But, like... textually speaking, the fantastical world IS real to the characters in these stories. And it's often not really an escape - was Sailor's life devoid of conflict and suffering in the Sea of Monsters? Fuck no! It's just that they figured out how to deal with that conflict and suffering - they built skills and a support system, they adapted, they learned how to overcome what was there.

I think it can be argued that sometimes the return to a "normal" world is, in itself, an escape - the idea that your life can spiral into chaos but that's ok, you can just reset everything and go back to The Way It Was and Should Be is just as unrealistic and unhealthy an idea as You Should Escape to A Better World. Sometimes your plans for your life fall apart, sometimes you're thrown into a place you never intended to go, sometimes you have to learn skills you never anticipated needing and ally with people you never thought you'd befriend to deal with problems you never dreamed you'd have to overcome. And sometimes it's ok to look at your derailed life, your Not Where You Should Be life, and say, "Well, I've learned how to live here... maybe I can stay."

Especially if there's a cute chubby sea monster girl who loves you.

Bob was never supposed to appear past chapter 7, but about halfway through that chapter I realized the audience and I myself would be heartbroken if we didn't rescue her. Definitely for the best - she provided some well-needed comic relief in the final chapters.

This is gonna sound snarky, but, yeah - there were 58 choices with four options a piece, and we only chose one of the four. While some of the options would have similar results, almost none would have had identical outcomes. And some would have been VERY different.

Like, to go back to the beginning: when Calibani attacked, we could either throw a net on her, harpoon her, try to drive around her, or hide below deck. We picked the net, but for the other three options:

Harpooning would result in us hitting her in the thigh, causing her enough pain that she collapses on our deck and we, horrified at the violence we committed, just sort of push on. Calibani would be wounded for at least the next chapter, perhaps longer, and significantly weaker (and probably harboring a great deal of hidden resentment while also being genuinely scared of Sailor). She would be vulnerable during the stork attack, forcing Sailor to take a more active role in that chapter.

Trying to steer around her would result in us essentially fighting her with our boat, resulting in the boat capsizing and Calibani getting tangled up in it. We'd wake up alone on Stork Island and have to travel in search of our boat, alone and vulnerable among man-eating trees. We'd run into Calibani again, also beached and in trouble, end up recruiting her to help us get our boat out of the sand.

Hiding below deck would end in a sea storm that leaves us inside our boat as it's beached on Stork Island. We'd fend off the storks alone, and run into Calibani once we get our boat out to sea, as she got away more or less unscathed.

All of these would have majorly changed the trajectory of our relationship with Calibani and our identity as Sailor, despite seeming to have the same component parts on the surface. Now account for how similarly slight changes in the other options could have gone, and we could have had a very different story indeed.

Part 8: Our Girl

I just think she's neat!

[vole-mon-amour]

2x07, part 2.

I don't really get it. Considering this is Viktor (or it should be, or that it's another version of Viktor), why would he get so tempted with "There's gotta be another way. Send me back. I won't fail. I swear."

Like??? Or is he so desperate from loneliness, so different, that he wants for Hextech to be destroyed? Then why shoot at Viktor, and not destroy the stone itself? 'Cause Caitlyn with her gang still use it.

Oh, come on. The idea that Ekko saved Jinx from killing herself in their universe because Jinx can be sweet and nice and 'normal' is so eugh.

so she had the stones the entire time? they would've had such an easier way to recreate the thing. on the other thought, maybe that's the idea. she has the stones but she never uses them.

anyway, i'm so annoyed at what they've made out of Silco. Vander tried to DROWN him while also strangulating him. they had different ideas about Zaun. what kind of 'power of forgiveness' is this? this is bullshit. my beloved shark and his adopted daughter deserve better. well, at least Silco does 'cause Powder I'm not that mad about.

but Silco. oh Silco, my love, I am so sorry about what they've done to you. i'm also curious about what kind of role Silco had in this weird AU? they don't talk about him, he's barely there, shows up out of nowhere like a small nod for the fans and disappears like he has zero significance.

PLUS, when Silco gives that shitty "power of forgiveness" line, Ekko just chuckles and takes it like it's a normal thing to have? huh??? didn't you despise Silco in your universe? and Vander trying to murder him is not okay but Ekko just went with that explanation?

PLUUUS, the fact that Silco still has that horrible eye and scarring, which basically screams, "Vander tried to murder me" and he's still nice about it?

what kind of fucking chance? to rule Zaun? to what?

they gasp like it's some new knowledge.

what the FUCK is this? is this the writers' idea of a healthy world and a healthy relationship between these two? because it's anything but.

no, seriously, is there something I'm not seeing? what's the idea behind this nonsense? i rewatched this scene a couple of times, but i'm still ?????

it's an insult to Silco (and to me as a fan) tbh.

[wyvernquill]

I'm rewatching Anastasia and this convo would really fit in your AU

Hob: look, Murphy, I'm just trying to help Murphy: do you really think I'm an Endless, Hob?

Hob: you know I do.

Murphy: then stop bossing me around

I'm sorry, this ask is already over a year old, but I finally got around to writing a scene based on it! (Plus some Murphy&Gil bits I wanted to put in somewhere, anyway.) Hope you enjoy!

[Mild warning for contemplation of one's potential death, and having once lost the will to life - I wouldn't call it suicidal ideation, it doesn't quite go there, but I figured I'd better be safe than sorry.]

Link to Anastasia AU Masterpost!

(Tag list, let me know if you want to be added or taken off: @10moonymhrivertam @martybaker @globglobglobglobob @anonymoustitans @sunshines-fabulous-legs @dreamsofapiratelife @malice-royaume @kcsandmanfan @acedragontype @okilokiwithpurpose @tharkuun @silver-dream89 @i-write-stories-not-sins-bitch)

“Hob.” Murphy interrupts, eyes flashing with frustration.

(Today’s how-to-be-a-Dream-Lord lessons are not going well - not that any of them have, but this one is a particular catastrophe. Gil has already given up on their contrary charge for the evening, and with the way Murphy’s shoulders are up and tension bristles between them, Hob is unlikely to make much more headway tonight.)

“Tell me. Do you truly believe I am him? The Prince of Stories? The Dream King?”

“Yes,” Hob lies, easily, unflinchingly, and with a smile on his face. A good lie has to be treated like the truth, and maybe, one day, it’ll actually turn into one. They’ve been trying so very hard to teach Murphy this, he should know it by now. “Of course.”

“Then, perhaps,” Murphy spits, and despite his feral arrogance, despite the way he holds his head high and squares his slender shoulders, it’s not the regal indignation of a King, but the helpless tantrum of an angry child who’s failing in class. “You ought to finally treat me with the fucking deference an Endless is owed, Hob Gadling!”

(There are tears in his pale-blueish eyes, Hob can see them, can hear the crack in Murphy’s hoarse voice.

Nobody has treated this man with respect in all the years he remembers, that much is obvious. Nobody but his birds. And he knows, they all know, that he’s no prince, that his blood runs red, not blue - runs at all, come to think of it. Endless don’t bleed.

But he wants to be. He wishes he was. Murphy is not Dream of the Endless, but he is ravenous for the spoils of such a role. Desperate to be respected, to be worshipped and revered, desperate to be owed the sort of treatment he has never received.

Hob ought to be ashamed of himself for taking advantage of that helpless hunger for kindness and decency… and he will be. For the rest of his immortal life, he’ll live with the shame of what he did to cheat Death, and still not regret it.)

Hob plasters a smile over his impatience and opens his mouth, gentle, calming words already on the tip of his tongue. Murphy is lonely and frightened and frustrated, that much is obvious. Fine. Hob knew it wouldn’t be easy, to teach their false Dream all he needs to know, and this is not an insurmountable roadblock. If Hob can only reassure him, earn his trust, be his friend, even, it will make everything much easier. Poor thing, lashing out like an injured animal. But Hob can surely coax him into-

Murphy recoils. Flinches back from the admittedly-half-faked warmth, his face, his entire bearing collapsing into itself like a heavy portcullis rattling shut.

“Don’t you dare,” he growls, pointing one of his stick-thin fingers at Hob’s face, “don’t you DARE! I have no need for your false pity, and I want no part of it! I want-” the white of his eyes is bloodshot, and in his terror, in his fury, in his desperation, awash in unshed tears “-I want out. This deal is off. Find some other poor sucker to teach how to play Endless, I won’t do it! I’ve had enough!”

And before Hob can say as much as a single word, Murphy has snatched up his coat and slipped out onto the rainy street, Matthew following - but not after awarding Hob with a colder glare than he would’ve thought a mere raven capable of.

Murphy does not manage to flee very far.

He is in an unfamiliar town, with no money, no valuables besides the clothes on his back that are now slightly finer than he used to be; and the winter is cold and deep and stifling. He gets no further than a handful of streets until he slows halfway across a bridge, shaking with cold more than anger, snowflakes dancing around him. It is a quiet, windless night - and it has always calmed him, to stand underneath the dark sky at night, and know that most of the city lies asleep around him.

Matthew settles on the bridge’s parapet, caws. Hops closer, cocks his head to one side. There is a clear question in his bearing, a what now? glinting in his eyes. Birds are open and honest - unlike humans. Liars and hypocrites all.

“...I do not know, Matthew.” Murphy admits quietly. He has taken the coat, but forgotten the scarf in his haste, so he tugs at his collar, to keep the cold air from trickling down his spine. “I truly don’t.”

He does not have the means to return to London on his own - and at the same time, does not have much desire to do so. He had nothing and no-one there, but for the birds. Pockets can be picked anywhere - he could make a new start in this nameless town.

…if only it weren’t winter.

Murphy shivers, feeling his bones rattle with it. The night is calm, but bitterly cold, and it will not end well for him, sitting in the snow until morning. In the dark of winter, he cannot afford a night without shelter, a day without a sure way to come by some food to keep his strengths up. In London, he would have known where to go. Here, he is helpless.

Damn Hob Gadling, and may Destruction take him! Murphy will have no other choice but to crawl back to him, and hope he’ll be kept on as Endless-impersonator. Hope, because Murphy’s made a right pig’s ear of it so far, slow and clumsy to learn, and outright refusing to play at nobility. He will always be a gutter rat, Murphy knows it. They can’t fashion him into a Dream King, and perhaps this flare of temper will prove to Hob once and for all that there is no point in trying.

There is no point in trying.

Murphy gives up on his collar, and rests his hands on the parapet. Matthew caws, and presses his head against his arm, a far better reassurance than Hob’s false smiles. It comforts Murphy, at least a little. He’s not alone, never alone - no matter how lonely he might feel.

Underneath them, a foreign river flows just fast enough to avoid the freeze. The water does not reflect any stars, but the snow dancing over the surface makes it almost look as if. His own reflection wavers and breaks across the waves.

(Some nights, he dreams of a darkened shore and a sea stretching far past the horizon, black waters that fold up into the night sky, indistinguishable from each other. Of a wooden pier, and galaxies swirling underneath.

Whenever he leans out too far, the reflected eyes he meets are not his own, and he wakes with a scream lodged in his throat.)

Murphy shivers again, and savours the last remnants of his pride, before it, too, will have to be cast into the dirt and abandoned.

“I believe you forgot this, young friend.”

Murphy’s head snaps up.

Dreams and nightmares approach without a whisper, perfectly silent at night if they choose to be. Gilbert is no exception; and if Murphy were to pay attention to anything but his heart racing like a startled hare, he would perhaps be a little distressed by the fact that there are no fresh footprints in the snow beside his own.

But it’s only Gilbert, kind-eyed and not-human, holding out Murphy’s scarf like a peace offering.

Murphy does not take it.

“Did Gadling send you?” he asks, wary.

“Robert informed me what had transpired between you two.” Gilbert admits. “But rest assured, I am here on nobody’s behalf but my own - and, well, yours. Frightfully nippy tonight, wouldn’t you say?”

Murphy does not say. He trusts Gil as little as Hob, perhaps even less. A dream attempting to betray the memory of his master seems hardly like a paragon of virtue, and is perhaps even more suspicious than a deceitful human.

(He does, however, take the scarf now. It’s too cold to be stubborn, and when he winds it around his neck, it smells of sunshine on a summer meadow, warm and comforting.)

“And if you truly wish to leave… dear boy, I won’t stop you.” Murphy does not like the way Gilbert looks at him, as if trying to see someone else beneath his skin. He does not meet Murphy’s eyes, if he can help it. “In fact I would send you off with well-earned compensation for your time, and travel fare. Unless…”

Gil steps up to the parapet beside him.

“...unless I can convince you to stay…?”

“Why would you?” Murphy mutters, instead of why would I, if you’re offering to pay me off? “It should be perfectly obvious that I’ll never pass muster.”

“Ironically,” Gilbert smiles, but only at the man he pretends to see whenever he looks at Murphy, “it is well known among the former denizens of the Dreaming that His Lordship was often prone to very similar bouts of pessimism. I have faith in you, Murphy - and so does Robert Gadling. Please, do not leave. I rather doubt we will succeed without you.”

"You…" Murphy struggles with the words, the sentiment behind them lodging uncomfortably in his throat. "You have great respect, even love, for Dream of the Endless' memory. So why do you pretend? Why try to fool his siblings that I am him?"

For a moment, Gilbert seems ready to insist, as always, that Murphy is, or at least might be - but, to his credit, he does not play Murphy for a fool, in the end. Not this time. Not like Hob always, always does.

"You are quite correct. I loved His Lordship deeply, in a way that could never be understood by anyone but a dream and their creator." Gilbert sighs, his soft meadow-green eyes gazing far into the distance of better days, lined by old grief. "He made me to be the Heart of the Dreaming, and he was the Dreaming, so I knew his heart and self better than any other. The loss, when he… you cannot imagine it, young friend. I thought I would wither away and die. I thought that would be a mercy. To live as a dream in a universe that does not contain Dream of the Endless seemed entirely unthinkable, and to be quite frank, I did not think I would survive longer than a year at most in the Waking."

"I understand," says Murphy, quietly, and he does. He is no stranger to the feeling of being so untethered, only floating along with the end looming over him, death - not Death, no longer, the Endless have been cast from their domains - only biding its time.

(In the first year he can remember, Murphy did not think he would see another, either.)

"And yet, the year passed. And I lived." Gilbert smiles, faintly, taking off his glasses to polish them. "I suspect it was humanity which saved me, for all that they robbed me of my home and Lord, as well. I found… such joy, in this world. In my human form, wandering among them. Calling a few select individuals friends, even. Young Robert's companionship was a particular blessing, and I owe him more than he can ever know."

He sets the glasses back on his nose.

"Lord Morpheus is dead." Says Gilbert. Says it like fact, like something too absolute for the sort of dream-creature born of hypotheticals he is, like an unshakeable truth he has resigned himself to. His voice only barely breaks over the words. "And I shall grieve him for all the rest of my days… but I must live to mourn him. Life goes on, young friend, and we must all move along with it. And, well. I cannot speak for Robert's motivations, but the true reason why I have agreed to this mad scheme…"

Gilbert takes Murphy's freezing hands in his own. His fingertips are not lined quite right, they would not leave prints that look even remotely like those of a human - but aside from that, his grip is warm, avuncular, firm, reassuring.

"I fear that his siblings will not be able to live on without him." Gilbert confesses, quietly. "They are not made to accept change and move on from a loss as monumental as what humanity has wrought upon them. To have you… not him, not entirely, but perhaps enough… it is my most solemn hope that it might give them some form of closure at long last."

"So that's what it is?" Murphy laughs, bitterly. "Charitable concern for the well-being of personifications of abstract concepts!?"

"No." Gilbert corrects mildly. "Love. For my creator's family."

Murphy scoffs. His chest aches with it.

"What you, hmm. What you must understand, about Lord Morpheus…" Gilbert seems to be choosing his words very carefully. "...is that, for all that he was often harsh and commanding, he was so very loving, always. My Lord loved with all his self, even if he would attempt to turn a cold shoulder to the world - and I think you are much like him in temperament, young Murphy.”

Murphy does not acknowledge that. He doesn't think he can.

“He loved his family, and he loved the Dreaming, and all the beings in it. I was his heart, or near as, you must recall, I knew the truth at the core of him.

Memories or not, love as he did, and you will be a credit to his name, and a comfort to all who knew him."

(Murphy does not have it in himself to love like Dream of the Endless did. He already struggles to love at all.

But perhaps, for the sake of the entity whose memory he will dishonour, he can try.)

“So. Will you come back and resume your lessons?” Gil asks, very gently. “You may leave, now or any other time, of course you may. But it would be to your benefit, as well as to that of many others, if you did not.”

“I’ll stay,” Murphy forces out. He could blame the way his hands shake on the cold. “For now.”

“Thank you, dear child. Thank you.” This time, when Gilbert smiles, it very nearly feels like it is directed at him, after all. “Now, let’s get you out of this cold, hm? And Matthew as well.”

Murphy lets Gilbert herd him back to their inn, sits through Hob Gadling’s apology and wonders if it was sincere - he can never tell, with this infuriating man - and continues to learn as much as possible about the life of Dream of the Endless.

But he’s slowly realising, if anything will convince the Endless siblings, then it certainly won’t be the trivia. He’ll have to learn to love like the Lord of Stories, for their deception to have a snowflake’s chance in hell.

(Oh, wonderful. As if this wasn’t difficult enough already…)

[alpaca-clouds]

Why is it so hard to deconstruct Magical Girls?

As some might have noticed, I have recently been rewatching a lot of old anime from my teen days. And something I cannot help but think about while doing this is: "Why is it seemingly so hard to deconstruct the magical girl genre?" Because here is the thing: I know several attempts at genre deconstruction for this specific genre... But none of them are actually what I would count as a genre deconstruction.

Basically, deconstruction of a genre usually means that a genre is played straight. Like, you take the usual tropes of a genre and play them straight or with some sense of realism. Which we have plenty of in a variety of genre. I mean, with the rise of the superhero stuff over in the west, we have a ton of superhero deconstructions (like The Boys or Invincible), that mostly go for the most obvious issue with superheroes: "What if Superman was evil?" While also dealing with some other stuff, like how superheroes might be organized and controlled, how this would work with capitalism and so on and so forth. Now, a lot of folks are bored with "Superman, but evil", but yes, it is a very clear deconstruction.

In anime/manga we also have a ton of deconstruction going on. I mean, by now it should be fairly clear: Yeah, my original fandom obsession was Digimon Tamers, which basically deconstructs the first two seasons in many regards. And when it comes to the monster taming genre, there is also Narutaru, which is a deconstruction of the genre. And I might talk about Narutaru on another day.

There is also a ton of really great Mecha genre deconstructions - though ironically speaking, I feel like most of the Mecha genre is already deconstructing itself. When your biggest franchise (Gundam) in a genre frequently is build around the premise of: "You do realize, that this is about child soldiers, right? RIGHT?!" then maybe deconstructing the genre is not that hard.

But somehow... magical girls are different.

Like, there is a variety of shows that are kinda attempting to deconstruct the genre, but... Well, if you look on TV Tropes for the Genre Deconstruction Trope, it explicitly calls out that a Genre Deconstruction is "playing the tropes of the genre straight and more realistic", and it is explicitly not "some tropes of the genre, but darker and edgier".

And here is the thing: Most of what I know as Magical Girl Deconstructions, is actually "darker and edgier", not a straight up deconstruction of the genre. Which is not to say that they are bad! Hell no! I enjoy most of them. But they are not deconstructions.

Let me go over the three that left the biggest impact on me. Though first maybe we should define what makes Magical Girls?

I mean, the genre has changed a whole lot ever since Sailor Moon appeared on the scene. And maybe that in itself is a thing, because in some regards Sailor Moon - like Gundam - was fairly good at deconstructing itself. Never the less, I will go with the ideas that have been prevelent in the genre since Sailor Moon, even though there was magical girl media before it, that worked by different rules.

One or more girls usually between 12 and 17 years of age get a magical power to transform into super heroines.

The story usually is set in the real world.

Usually they will draw those powers over some sort of mascot character or multiple characters.

The shows usually mainly exist to promote merchandise, which is why the magical girls will usually have a ton of magic items and weaponry.

Almost always there is gonna be some fetch- or collect-quest involved for powering up those items.

The power of friendship!

Romance might or might not play a role, but it will always be secondary to the aforementioned power of friendship.

Usually the magical girls will fight "monsters of the week", that often are normal everyday things that get filled with evil magic by the villains.

The villains often are some sort of otherworldly empire, that has come to earth to either take over or collect items of some sort.

My Otome: Now, some people say that MyHiME is also a Magical Girl Deconstruction, with which I absolutely do not agree, where the fuck are my cute costumes and transformation sequences? MyHiME if anything to me reads like a monster tamer deconstruction, really. But MyOtome? MyOtome is a Magical Girl Something for sure. But... Well, it does not really deconstruct the genre, does it? This already starts with the story being set in a different world from ours, and with the girls not really being "chosen", but the setting being a school for magical girls. While some of the first half of the show does play with some of the typical tropes (monster of the week and such), the story fairly quickly goes to deep into the politics of its fictional world and the war story. While yes, technically you absolutely can argue that magical girls are in fact also child soldiers... They are not usually soldiers in a literal war, and the entire fantasy politics stuff - while I absolutely loved it - does not really feel like a real deconstruction. Instead it feels more like a fantasy war story, that you also put magical girls into. Yes, those magical girls behave a lot more like realistic teens, but that does not make it a deconstruction.

Uta~Kata: Alright, let me talk about my favorite of these, despite me being rather disturbed at some of the fanservice considering the girls are like 13. In Uta~Kata we have one girl, who gets magic powers, which is fine though, as several magical girl shows actually have just one main character. It is also set in the real world. However, this is where it ends. Because... Well, there is no fights. There is no evil. There is no weapons. There is none of the usual tropes. It is basically just deities mindfucking with this one girl to find out something, that I shall not spoil, given that nobody knows this series for some reason. But basically the only deconstruction in it is: "This is a girl with magic powers, and the girl works more like a realistic teenager would." Which... Uhm, yeah, no, does not really make it a deconstruction, does it?

Madoka Magica: Madoka is probably the one really well known Magical Girl deconstruction, but I once again will argue that it does not really qualify much as a deconstruction - because the thing that makes the entire draw of Madoka Magica is that it does not play the tropes straight or realistic, but rather subverts them completely. The entire concept of Madoka Magica is build around the idea that the girls are supposed to die/be corrupted by design, which is a twist on the usual magical girl formular, not a deconstruction. While Madoka Magica is good at playing around with the aesthetics of the genre, the show does not really play any of the tropes straight, but rather puts in completely new tropes in that place. Sure, some of those tropes (teenage girls being moody and this makes them so great for corruption) are kinda based in what the genre offers in itself - but it also does not feel like a straight up deconstruction.

Again, nothing against any of these shows. I love them dearly. I do. I just find it... interesting.

And I am honestly starting to wonder at this: Why is there not a straight up deconstruction of a Magical Girls show? And be it just as a manga or comic or something along the sort.

Sure, the shows above do deconstruct single aspects of the Magical Girl genre, but never the whole thing.

Like, thinking of deconstructions of other genre, there is like a ton of stuff I could see as a deconstruction of the magical girl genre - without actually going into fully subverting it and twisting it around. I mean, especially Uta~Kata and Madoka go more into psychological horror than actually into the deconstruction, right?

Something I would more expect to see in a genre deconstruction would be:

Magical Girls actually running into issues in regards of keeping up performance in school/clubs while also saving the world.

Magical Girls running into issues keeping their identities secret and actually facing consequences because of this.

Yeah, obviously, I also could see "Magical Girl, who gets bullied, uses her powers on the bullies" (or, depending on how harsh you wanna go with this, you could also go for more severe scenarios like: "Magical Girl who gets sexually exploited by a teacher uses her powers against teacher".)

Something in regards to: "Well, what if the power of friendship starts to break?" As well as actually kinda deconstruction the entire "friendship and love" dynamic that Magical Girl stuff does play around with a lot.

Given how prevalent sapphic subtext is within the genre, one could probably also work with that.

The entire merchandise/weapons/item thing is also so ready for deconstruction - something that could go in a variety of directions. Either with how unpractical the actual stuff is, or just how it does hinder plot.

And of course the other prime thing ready for deconstruction: You usually have a fucking alien invasion of some sort in these stories with monsters, and people getting hurt, buildings being destroyed and what not... and nobody from any government gives a shit? No, but really. I would assume that some sort of government would try to get involved here.

There is probably a million other subtropes that one could deconstruct about the genre, but that is some stuff I could think about.

Ironically it would not even need to go fully into horror for that, even though deconstructions will probably always have a slight horror-sensibility about themselves. But... you know. I think if I look at the Magical Girl deconstruction stuff at large (aka the shows that I did not name here), a lot of it is built way too much around shock factor of the violence that one gets shown. And that... is not really interesting deconstruction, right?

Sure, violence can absolutely be a part of deconstruction. And I do not think a proper deconstruction should be anything less than PG13, if not R-Rated. But... Why make it all bloody? Like the main things that one can play straight and realistic, do not need blood. It needs ore like characters being more... batshit.

[wistfulnightingale]

The Chess Moves Theory Set -- Why Chess & Magic? (A Final 15 MetaTheory)

The Final Episode of Good Omens S2 is full of moments that caught our attention. We cried, we rewatched in disbelief, and some of us generated speculation and theories. Yet it remained difficult to find a solid "other" explanation for everything that occurred. Maybe it really was an incredibly painful breakup. The Ineffable Divorce.

Speculation about any one of the key moments, looked at individually, leave gaps and questions and uncertainties. But together, they might propose a different picture. I think it's a piece by piece jigsaw puzzle, or the sequences in a Regency Era dance, or --- A complex game of chess.

Over many months, I've put together a set of 8 scenes/theories, Eight Chess Moves that, together, might prove that what we saw wasn't all there was. Some might seem exciting, some might seem bonkers. Personally, I think there's reasons (or sometimes even proof) for each of them, or I wouldn't propose them to you. I've listed and linked each one below. I hope you'll at least enjoy them!

Now, I'm not a skilled chess player, not at all. But The Metatron is. He's a Chess Master (at manipulation), and Our Ineffables have had to quickly develop their skills, anticipating moves and creating counter moves. Hopefully they are skilled enough to shift the board and win this deadly game.

Like Fell the Marvelous Magician, flicking the envelope after the incriminating photo has been tucked away, magic and Misdirection are also used. Misdirection means that the magician is not "hiding" the trick -- they convince you to start looking for the trick after it's already happened. Magicians Penn and Teller are quoted as saying, "The strongest lie is the lie that the audience tells itself."

This Masterclass article on What Is Misdirection in Magic tells exactly how it's done:

Social Cues -- Look where they look, not where we should look

Multitasking/Split Focus -- Distractions

Patter -- Rapid talking & questions (Lookin' at you, Nina!)

Emotional Manipulation -- Yeah, that Crowley moment with Nina

Time Misdirection -- It already happens before we know to look

Convincers -- Someone validates that everything's normal

Repetition -- We get used to seeing something, and don't question it anymore

I'll be refering to most of these in the theory breakdowns, since they're a huge part of how a lot of this managed to sneak under our radar.

The Eight Chess Moves Theory Set:

1 - The Metatron Misdirection

2 - The Metatron's Second Coming

3 - Ineffables in Check

4 - A Hefty Jigger of Death

5 - Nothing Lasts Forever

6 - The Circle Kiss Theory

7 - The Nightingale DID Sing

8 - Aziraphale's Jubilant Smile (NOT the crazy elevator grin)

Also: The Metatron Misdirection New Note (Is it a Shell Game of White-Haired Men?)

(Please go to @wistfulnightingale for my pinned post if these aren't linked up here! My Apologies! I've been scurrying to get it all linked)

No single chess move on the board wins a match. It is the series of moves, each decision, each part of the strategy, that leads to the victory. For nearly a year and a half, the fandom has been analyzing various scenes that raised questions in our minds. We get closest to figuring it out, I believe, if we look at all those mysterious moments together. None of my theories is convincing if it stands alone. However, as a SET, each leading to the next, they might make a more compelling case for the moves and countermoves that were happening in S2.

The opening credits sequence has a lot of clues about Magic in it (like rabbits Everywhere!!), letting us know that Magic is gonna be important in S2, as detailed in @sendarya 's YouTube video:

Good Omens Title Sequence, EASTER EGGS and hidden clues uncovered!

Interestingly, I think we've actually also been told to look for a chess metaphor, just as we were given clues to look for Magic Tricks. There are chess pieces and a chess board visible behind Crowley (next to the fateful grandfather clock!) in much of the end of E6. And earlier, in E3 when Jimbriel is swatting at the fly and demonstrating gravity, we are given a very clear shot of the book "My Best Games of Chess."

That same book is also featured several times in the 1946 Powell and Pressburger movie "Stairway to Heaven," as @sendarya noticed. (The multiple connections of chess and "Stairway to Heaaven" with S2 is wonderfully explained in another YouTube video by @sendarya ,

Good Omens Love or Law, which is stronger?

I highly recommend checking it out!) The movie poster on the left for "Stairway to Heaven" is seen twice in Good Omens S2, in the opening credit sequence (seen below) and in Maggie's record shop.

The poster on the right also shows the movie's U.K. release name, "A Matter of Life and Death." As fun and fluffy as Good Omens S2 began, the reference to this other title becomes too fitting for our Ineffables by the final episode.

The Chess book and the repeated presence of the movie poster certainly seem to mean Something. The video by @sendarya is what inspired me to look at all the mysteriously odd moments of S2 as related parts of a Chess Game, "A Matter of Life and Death" between the Metatron and Our Ineffables. Each moment looked at alone just leads to more questions. Together, they might start to make sense.

I hope you enjoy all of the parts of my Chess Match Theory Set. (I've been neurotically pondering and examining and rewriting this stuff for months!) Hopefully, these ideas are still consistent with Terry Pratchett's ideas for where these two characters who began as one will end up. I'm hopeful that I'm onto something here, but I also hope (tentatively believe?) that the plot they suggest still fits with the Rescued 90, the Finale of our Ineffable Adventures. And, if I'm mistaken, at least it gives us something to talk about in the meantime!

Thanks for coming with me on this crazy ride!

To Our World!

[desultory-novice]

Hi hi! I'm going to answer a couple of different video based asks all in one post because they all follow a similar theme~!

EDIT EDIT: I realized that no one could actually access the links because I took screenshots and added links to the video following each ask!

[VIDEO]

Oh yes! It was one of the first videos I watched when I decided to be brave and finally join the fandom! I remember really liking it, though I don't remember the video contents itself well...!

:cues up for a rewatch:

Heh! Heehee! It's still quite a lot of fun! Years later, I can notice clearly now that this video relies very strongly on what I understand is a controversial/outdated interpretation of Void lore based on the EN translation which is...well, it's the Star Allies English Translation... (As for the details of WHAT it got wrong, o~hhh, I'm not going to get into the Void stuff ~ You'll have to go to other Kirblrs for that! I'm too busy with fixating on my personal blorbos! XD ) However! The end bit about who Kirby is and what Kirby represents? That part of the video remains golden and is something I am 100% in agreement with!

Edit: I realize now you said "videos" and if they're the ones I'm thinking of, then I think I did watch the whole series back then and enjoyed it very much! Sorry for not giving my modern day thoughts on them individually. I didn't want to make you wait too long on this!

[VIDEO]

AH! I just saw this one a few months ago and YES! Yes yes yes! Ohhh, yessss! I agree! It's funny to watch this one back to back with Designing For's video about how the early games were kind of empty fluff compared to the lore-heavy Kumazaki era when Star Warper highlights one of my FAVORITE things that's been gone for so long!!

...I would be SO happy if they focused more on this kind of "natural" world building and character exploration. I suppose, if I have one criticism of Kumazaki, it's that he maybe TOO MUCH of a writer? It's okay to focus where he specializes in, and he's really good at it, but I hope that Star Allies "micro cutscenes" mean we might get them back in a new title, rather than a "last nod" to Kirby history...

This reminds me, I never did anything with this (got swept under by RL) but I came away from this video thinking that I would LOVE to make a series of cutscene animations for the games that don't have them! Just imagine what silly things Kirby or the rest of the characters are getting up to before handing the action back to you!

(Gosh... I don't think I have the experience necessary for this but... with all these collabs, I wonder if anyone would be interested in forming up a collab to make cutscenes for the games that don't have them? I don't know if there's that many animators in the fandom, maybe splash images would be enough? ...Interesting thought?)

But one last enthusiastic yes! As an outspoken fan of, "Show us the daily life of the people in Dream Land PLEASE" this video speaks to me. And I'm glad others feel this way!

[VIDEO]

I KNEW THIS WOULD BE THE CAKE SCENE! I LOVE THE CAKE SCENE! Honestly, I don't know anyone who doesn't just burst into kittens when faced with the cake scene...! It's so cute...! vvv

Speaking of the 25th Anniversary Concert, I have to share my other favorite moment and unfortunately I can't find the full video to refresh my memory (...pulled down for copyright, maybe?) but there was one silly moment when they asked Kirby how old he was, like HIM not the series, and he's like "...I'm 25! ^o^" and of course, it's silly and ridiculous and everyone laughed and for those fans who see Kirby as a very young child, it is just the picture of a child being silly and saying whatever but...as someone who always saw Kirby as growing up with me, I beamed a little with pride? XD

And I think that's the way it should be, maybe? The things Kirby says can be as interpretable as Kirby themselves! ...Reminds me of another quote from Kumazaki that he didn't want Kirby speaking (in Japanese) in the globally streamed 30th Anniversary concert as they did in the 25th because he wanted everyone across the globe to "understand Kirby equally." That if he talked in just one language, a limited number of people would understand him, and everyone should be able to see themselves in Kirby!

It was a very sweet gesture - even though I myself missed hearing Kirby talk in Japanese! Ahh well, at least I'm surrendering my bilingual priviledge card for a good reason! XD

[VIDEO]

OH! Ni~ce find, Anon!

I've seen the fan animation of the phone skit and one more but I was wondering where I might find the rest...! Thank you, video anon!

These are soo~ooo cute! And you're so right! Kawata-san's Kirby really is perfect! I say that feeling the same way about Oomoto-san's Kirby too though...! They're all perfect! This kind of voice (and short skit style) would be perfect for a series of official shorts imo! The kind of ones that occasionally get released on Twitter and the like. (Not that I don't already love the animations made by Courtesy!)

And ahhhh, it's so nice to hear Kirby speak full sentences too~ I really, really enjoy this interpretation of Kirby! I can't believe it's from as far back as 1994! Amazing! Truly amazing!

-

Thank you, anon(s) for the fun video links! And I hope everyone has fun watching them too if you're not familiar with everything listed here! If you ask me, everything here is worth a listen!

[crowscallthecrows]

Spoilers for all of the Public School Arc

Rewatching it again (cause what else do I do) and found some things I thought were worth discussing cause maybe I'm just slow and need an outside perspective:

So sebastian revealed that undertaker was the one that orchestrated everything as the headmaster from the time Redmond called him up, as payment for using their services. I'm assuming that undertaker was the one that made the order to send Derrick to purple house (unless he just sat back and let prefects deal with the school image themselves). But why the heck was that order made in the first place?? It just seemed like such a random fact that was constantly reiterated through the arc

I'm assuming again that it was because purple house calls way less attention from students (judging from the outward homeless appearance of the house itself and stoning other students away💀) and from outsiders (like how Redmond and red house in general is always being surrounded by women) therefore giving them way more time before other students realize that hey, we haven't actually seen those 5 students in a while.

And the way your telling me the teachers didn't say JACK about multiple students being missing in class for months at a time?? Even sebastian mentions this, though it's only about Derrick. Either the staff really hates derrick and his gang cause they knew they were assholes or just didn't care or notice (Edit: i realized mcmillian mentioned that it was common for purple house people to drop out. I'm assuming that's just what the staff thought).Which says a lot about the school the prefects were so stubborn on protecting 💀

I present to you another reason that's plausible: an excuse for derrick to step down as fag so Redmond could find a replacement. Can't have a dead body serve you tea. Though that doesn't explain sending the other boys there as well.

I was SO convinced that the burning of purple house would have something to do with derrick's body being hidden somewhere there when I first saw it.

It was a cool scene and all but the hell was violet freaking out for?? Stopping his other houses to stop his house from....burning seems a little dramatic for it just to mean nothing in the end.

Sure you can say it was the rivalry between the houses and all that, but unlike cheslock (who despite everything he says, seems to be pretty chummy with ol edward there) who actively does things that show he has at least a LITTLE problem with other houses (mentioning the rock throwing twice in a post), violet doesn't seem to...have that much of a problem with them. He doesn't strike me as a person who wastes his energy on hating needlessly.

My point is if he can commit murder with one student from each house, there should be no reason for him to be so mad that they want to help him. Which is why I thought he was hiding something.

Only for it to mean NOTHING IN THE END the fuck???

What exactly were the p4 planning on doing if undertaker was successful in making derrick and the others functioning members of society? Sending them back home? With no explanation on the MASSIVE scars going round their head?

How the hell were they gonna deal with that. Give them to Maurice for lessons on concealer?

And I'm correct me if I'm wrong but don't bizarre dolls have a really bad smell to them?? Why doesn't agares have one

Answering my own question, I guess this just sums up to poor planning on Redmond's part, since he's never seen a bizarre doll for himself before.

Am I being dumb?? Are these plot holes or are there actual reasons for these decisions. Maybe Yana was just filling up pages with random events to help lead up to the midnight tea party?

[flowerbloom-arts]

You know, after watching 2019 Moominvalley's episode "The Trial", I have been thinking about the portrayal of Sniff's character on that series. From a meta perspective, Hobgoblin's appearance at the end of that episode is the embodiment of Gutsy itself noticing the damage done to Sniff and quickly fixing him with a character development spell.

"BOOM! Now he has empathy! That's the episode's message, if there was ever one. Oh yeah, now there is! This annoying, selfish, greedy creature can now feel empathy for his companions. That'll teach the children and the adult viewers a lesson," so Gutsy proudly claims. Except that said lesson does not feel earned. The need for a cosmic being's interference at the episode's climax feels like a cop out in the narrative, as if there was no better way to bring it to a closure.

This reminds me of the same issue I had with "Mrs. Fillyjonk's Last Hurrah". It's a good episode, well, until the climax. To sum it up: Mrs. Fillyjonk is actually not dead, yay! She wants all of her furniture and stuff given to others back at home. Understandable. One of said "stuff" Mrs. Fillyjonk had in possession a plush toy called Cedric, which was given away to Sniff. Moomintroll finds Sniff and asks him to give Cedric back to Mrs. Fillyjonk, to which Sniff says no as he explains why he is not giving it back.

That scene was meant to be about how Sniff's feelings are not irrelevant, it’s not about his selfishness. He should be heard as well, not ignored, but guess what? Moomintroll ignores him, the message about how people who feel mistreated by others need to be heard, he says some crap about sharing is caring and that's it. That missed the point and the episode could only be brought to a conclusion by Mrs. Fillyjonk giving Cedric back to Sniff after Moominpappa told her so.

Of course Moominpappa is not a cosmic entity, but still, it feels like Sniff is not a character on his own right. He is the embodiment of selfishness, a simplification of a character flaw, and when he stands up to himself, pouring his heart out to Moomintroll, he gets ignored. Like, that's so mean coming from a series about compassion, honesty and other virtues that come from within. Also, the series keep addressing Sniff as this selfish being fueled with greed, but I feel they never explain why he is that way. It's only "Selfish Sniff, selfish Sniff, selfish Sniff" but never "Why is he selfish? Because he wants to be rich so he can live without taking any risks and be accepted by others," but nah, let's forget that interesting bit of character, forget Sniff as a whole, he is not important and does not deserve anything right.

And that's it. I just wanted to share my opinion on 2019 Moominvalley. I have no drawing requests, but maybe... Maybe 70's and 90's Sniff comforting their 2019 counterpart, that would be nice.

I think the writers at Gutsy has some kind of vendetta against him at this point and I could make a list of dozens of reasons why I think that. Maybe if I rewatch the whole show when season 4 comes out.....

I've talked about the Sniff issue so many times and like. Yeah... They just. Either don't like him or don't know what to do with him, and I hope season 4 breaks the pattern atleast once.

[queervegancryptid]

I just rewatched the last two episodes of Revolutionary Girl Utena. I just suddenly had a burning desire to see that in particular, and fortunately, it's on YouTube, the whole series.

And I gotta say, it hits differently now. It was always a powerful show, and the ending in particular is beautiful and kinda makes the show, in my opinion. I adored it immediately, and I'm really happy they had 39 episodes as opposed to maybe a dozen, which is how it would be if it were made today. You absolutely could make it today, though; the beautiful and terrible thing is, it actually is timeless in a lot of ways. And rewatching the ending episodes in particular now, like I said, it hits differently.

I've seen it at least a couple dozen times, but I don't think I've ever cried at it that much before. I guess maybe that's part of growing up. I really want to write about it, actually. It haunts me, in a good but lately very painful way.

This is about the political situation, if that's not clear. But it's about a lot more than just who the president is. It's about the lies people tell themselves, how people in power gaslight others into doing their dirty work for them, and yes, how patriarchy fucks things up for literally everyone but a fraction of a percentage of the population who have a vested interest in promoting it.

It's a good metaphor for a big part of what's going on in terms of political and social attitudes. One thing I don't see talked about much is the scene where the student council are doing their spiel, riding up the elevator together one last time. They each put a rose in a vase on the table. As they go in, they are shown to be different colors, based on each person's signature color. After Touga puts a white rose in, for Utena, the vase is shown again. Now, all the roses look the same.*

The meaning, I think, is two-fold. First, all of them being there together to hold a kind of vigil for Utena as she fights Akio unites them. They entered as individuals, but as long as Utena is fighting in this final duel, they're together, so the old differences and divisions don't matter.

Second, I feel like it should be considered along with the planetarium and Akio's tendency towards manipulation. That is to say, maybe all the roses are actually the same color, but his planetarium makes them look different; in the same way, his manipulative actions can't work without sowing division between people and pitting them against each other, and against their own interests. He literally gaslights everyone; the social hierarchy in terms of the school's nobility class (the student council) is itself a manipulation designed to keep them competitive with each other rather than being cooperative towards their shared best interests. Or like. Actually doing student council stuff.

Sound familiar? There's a lot more I want to say, but I need to get my thoughts in order. Anyway, I haven't rewatched the movie in a long time, but I'm guessing that will hit me a little differently now, too. I really don't like the voices in the dub, which is all I have access to streaming. But life finds a way, as the saying goes.

Expect more Utena-based posting in the near future as I distract myself from the things I can't control that are scaring me. But as always, if it's political, I try to tag it with "nik gets political" and 'us politics" if relevant, so people can block those tags if they want to.

* I posted this without that sentence, which really clarifies my point lol sorry

[randomwritingsnips]

"What are you talking about?" Grandmamah seemed taken aback.

"Nerissa never had a daughter!"

In the moment, Agatha froze, a chill running through her tentacles and possibilities began to aline.

She had felled the Queen, hadn't she? She had slain Nerissa, but then how would she have…

"I did it!" Ruby exclaimed in joy as she seam back to Chelseas' side, landing as she opened up her hand, showing the Trident of Oceanus, a smile spreading across her face.

Chelsea moved closer, staring at the Trident in awe and wonder.

"Mothers' Trident…" Chelsea muttered in awe, her eyes appearing to redden as she thought back what little memories she had of that Day.

Hidden away at her mothers' side, hidden within an Egg, nearly ready to burst open. She had seen it all. The Battle, the turn, her fall…

"I never thought that I'd really see it…" The Mermaid muttered as she reached out to grasp the Trident.

In a moment, something resonated within Chelseas' mind as her expression twisted, her giving out a cry as she erupted with steam all around her.

Ruby pulled back, protecting herself with her body Armor out of Instinct.

Once the steam subsided, the Kraken called out in a panic, "Chelsea! Are you okay!?"

As the steam cooled and a much larger form showed itself, a Scaley Form of a mermaid, flowing red hair turning to lines of foam.

As Chelsea opened her eyes, something felt…off…

"Krystal, Kraken…" She grimaced while staring at Ruby, as if she was a complete stranger.

-------

This is just a small piece of what I liked to think about after that reveal in the movie. I sorta like the idea of this a bit more. Maybe the Trident can have a memory of its Wielders by Species, leading to some sort of memory event. And of course there is the change of Chelsea being her own. What a depressing conclusion. Should have just made Chelsea her own character. Would be a more interesting suprise Twist for Agatha and her mother to discover this.

I watched the movie out of curiosity and to unwind, only to be so disappointed at this part that I've rewritten it as a fragment and revived this blog that laid dormant since I had heatstroke Last year and then 2023s' punches as an end result.

Here are my concepts of what can be done though. Instead Chelsea should have been her own character, indeed Nerissas' daughter, most likely still in her egg and having witnesses her own mothers' death.

Perhaps She is indeed Genuine as well, actually being friends with Ruby. Perhaps there are species based effects of the Trident of Oceanus. Maybe it brings up the memories of its past weilders, and with a trauma of having witnessed her mother having been slain, it can give just the right weakness for Chelsea to be over taken and almost possessed by the Trident, representing the past itself.

"A Kraken always answers the Call."

"A Mermaid remains true to her roots."

Perhaps she gets Ruby Early on into a bind and is about to slay her, only for tears to form as she tries to restain herself, not wanting to do it.

A Villian still, but an unintended one, making the real villain maybe the sins of the past.

Dunno if I'll update this one again, As I'd need to rewatch the movie again as I went to theaters, but here is this fragment and some of my ideas.

I wonder if people can ignore a companys' vision with enough audacity that they just retcon it in a sequel.

As a final piece, Maybe she does meet Agatha, and is holding onto Ruby in a way for comfort, as she is technically meeting then the Kraken that had killed her mother.

Maybe There is an argument in private where she demands Chelsea stay away from Ruby, as Mermaids can't be trusted, not even one.

This can also have a side effect of weakening Chelseas' resolve for an actual Peace, but memory of Ruby brings it all back, especially after Ruby picks her up and they leave.

Interesting if Also Chelsea gets called a monster by Agatha during that scene.

Suggest tags. I'm off to shower before the Infernal Meatball in the sky decides to fry me again.

[vumming]

resident evil — carlos oliviera “ganache”

contents : smut, cringe

a/n: i should rewatch death island or maybe do my reviewers for the semester examination but nooo i am writing filth, HEAVENS

The sun shines and glisten against the ocean, sending waves of glittering stars that can send each eyes enamoured, glued to the scene that sends hearts thumping at the beauty of it.

Perhaps that's how enraptured your eyes were, his arms circling around your midsection as he breathes near the crook of your neck. "Pretty?" The warmth of his breath made your body shivers in delight—there is always something about him.

Maybe that's why he always have you dancing on the palm of his hands.

"Yeah?" You breathes out, own hands sliding to caress his arms that's enveloped around you and it's rather cold, cold for someone who looks like a burning flame. "You look focused." Carlos kissed the lobe of your ear, his voice low and guttural—it is the early morning after all.

"Because.." Your voice seems to be stuck inside your own throat, a lump of saliva forming as you felt your heart rate rise and jump. "Because it's..." Even when you repeated it, no words could complete it.

"Are you not cold, amoré?"

"Not when you're here, no." You answer, curt and soft, palm coming up to touch his cheek, the pads of your fingers lightly grazing his skin.

"I can still offer more than just company." Carlos insinuate, shifting his head to face your palm so he's able to tease and lightly bite the tip of your fingers.

"..And that is?" He could feel you getting flustered, yet not pushing him away. The way your body quiver before his affection was evident that he can't help but deepen the connection that continues to bloom inbetween.

Carlos grabbed of jaw jaw, his hold firm yet gentle, you are someone so precious that should be held tenderly, someone who may slip anytime if he ever looked away—so he angles your head towards him, her neck arching and exposing the spot that he had savoured the other night. "Warm you up." He murmurs near your lips but not kissing, merely grazing.

For someone who looks like a burning flame, his gaze upon you grounds you down like an ice creeping into the earth, keeping itself intact within.

Despite the pleasant breeze of the ocean waves, the golden touch of the sun on your skin, bathing them in colours—it was far too warm.

The tension, undeniable.

The lust, unbearable.

Time felt like a skip, and soon, hands were against each other. Carlos took the lead, dancing you in every touch, his hands mapping your curves and beauty, leaving no spot unblemished by his warmth.

Beautiful.

His hands grope and squeeze each exposed skin before him, tongue in tangles and the rhythm is a melody that replays everytime that your heart mingles and intertwines.

There's a pull, his own body moving unconsciously—he had done this before, loved.

But not once did it felt this fulfilling that he wants more. The type where his contentment is never filled no matter what, he lays you down on one of the benches, tenderly laying you down.

"Open." One simple command from him has you in a chokehold, thighs parting for him and allowing his wandering hand to press on your stomach—down, down, down.

He smiled against the kiss, this is what 'complete' should feel like, Carlos thought to himself.

Robe was becoming undone, revealing the figure he had come to adore and memorize—he knew that body like the back of his hand.

"If I pressed here.." He started, his fingers hovering on the place that he knows always send you spiraling in a deep abyss where stars always line up your vision like an illusion. "Do you want that, amoré?"

Quivering lip, expectant eyes and eager body says it all.

He dived in like a koi in a fall, determine upon seeing the face his lover makes. How could he not? When your eyes are begging for him like that. Carlosbsmiled sweetly, giving in and pressing a chaste kiss on your jaw. "As you demand, mi amor."

His fingers slipped inside your clothes, reaching for the spot that never fails to make your legs shake and how your breath hitch.

Bingo.

"Be a good girl and open wider." Carlos instructs, lapping the expanse of your neck as he breathe in your scent, his ring and middle fingers circling around the bud of nerves to build up your arousal.

The noise that's coming out of your lips are melodic and addictive, he can't get enough. Eager fingers continues to tease, coating it with the clear fluids of your lust.

"Car- Carlos.." Voice breaking when he pokes one finger teasingly inside, never giving but still serving.

"Tell me what you want," He whispers, kissing the place where your ear and jaw meets. "You have a voice, do you not?"

"Please."

"Please what?"

He waits, continuing his light ministrations. "Please touch me." Your words were his command, he slipped one in, the sudden intrusion after a few moments of teasing made you moan softly, hand forming into a fist as you finds purchase on his shoulder.

One.

Two.

Three.

The sweet schlick schlick schlick is extremely erotic—he watch as your face contort into one of pleasure. The same face that beams in pride and tender love whenever looking at him is now underneath him and asking to be devoured.

"Hnghh.." Despite the discomfort, it wasn't long before it turned into one of pleasures.

His palm thrusts slowly and achingly yet the drive hits all the way deep and full. Your essence dripping down and painting his own hand.

Even with the way the skin of his fingers wrinkles, he doesn't stop. Carlos laughs softly through his nose, finding it amusing how he finds you so..

So beautiful that his thoughts always end up on you.

"Only one, then I'll give it to you." He tells you, his body sliding downwards more and more, he can feel your eyes on him like a hawk on a prey but you were the vulnerable one in such position.

Slowly and agonizingly, he grabbed a hold of your hand, leading it to the lace underwear that he had bought you back when you went shopping. Passion red and midnight black—a colour that suits you very well.

The cloth hangs from one of your ankles, not fully off, both were too focused on each other to give attention to the now lonely lace.

His breath fanning your crotch, just like last time. Heavens, you are addictive and he can't help himself but lap a few.

"A-anhh..! Wait- that's dirty-!"

But you could not stop him, not with his strength and the way his other hand seizes your wrists. "Lucky for you, I like mine the way yours is." Were his only words before he licked a stripe of you.

"Carl-" Fight is futile when his tongue slips to give what you want. What you need. Just a few more and that bundle of nerves awaiting to pop will be-

"Though I adore this, how about doing something new?"

He didn't allow for it, retreating when your legs were shaking far too much, how your stomach caves in and back arches from the bench. Even when your eyes were already rolling back, Carlos did not gave her mercy.

"New..?" You stammer in reply.

Parting from you, albeit hesitantly, Carlos cleans off the excess dribble of your existence on his fingers, eyes locked with you to make sure that you're watching before sending that smug grin of his that always sends your heart in a flutter.

He approaches the mini refrigerator placed on the deck, opening it and revealing the mystery that interrupted the little pleasure.

It was a bowl of chocolate ganache—a leftover of the cake that you'd baked yesterday.

But you were anything but deprived of that sweet release that he cruelly took with him. "Yeah." Carlos moved in between your parted thighs, returning to his previous position with the bowl as his company.

"Like this." The spread of the ganache left the ocean back, each light that glistens were swallowed whole with delight as it falls down on your skin. Cold and sweet.

Your lips part in surprise, cheeks puffing in colour as you watch Carlos reach to spread it in even further on your body, clothes already disrobed. His thumb flicker on your areola, rubbing light circles against it before swiping a thumb from the ganache, nipples pert and aroused due to his continuous abuse of your lust.

"I'm sure, it'll be as delectable as it seems."

His lips encircle your bud, suckling like a baby but more—his teeth gritting and pinching the pert bud lightly. It's sweet. He likes sweets, he likes you. It's a win-win situation.

Tongue replaces hands, now they wander in search to emit that same delectable sound that you always release upon finding your sweet spot. But oh, he knows you too well at this point on that he intentionally avoids them, savouring the ganache that he laps up.

Fleeting eyes watch your face contort into priceless look of pleasures, the valley of your breasts rises and falls as you breathe in deep whenever he'd come close to your erogenous zones.

How cute.

Scoffing in his mind, he made up his mind to go give her the mercy she deserves. His eyes crinkling at the thought. Breathing her in like air—Carlos sucks at the same place as before. Not a part was left, each expanse was given attention, kissed, caressed, tasted and loved.

Perhaps it's the way your nails licked a stipe of red on his back, digging firmly to grab a hold of any skin to ground yourself. Narrowed eyes gazing delightfully, and if he seek even further he'd be dared to see the hearts that have formed in your eyes.

Despite the proximity and clearness, Carlos could watch the show for goodness knows how long as he devour every part of you, leaving you no choice but to squirm and moan. An arm guards your midriff, inabling you to escape from his grasp.

"Wait! Wait- hahh.."

He could tell how you're reaching new heights, desperately grabbing a hold of that thin line to keep yourself sane from the onslaught abuse on your pussy—how your head is thrown back, hips gyrating mindlessly and legs thrashing over his shoulder.

Such delicious sight all his to see.

His hips buckled against one of your thighs, the scene is far too tempting that Carlos may not be able to hold him self any longer.

"Hnghh..! C-Carlos..!"

And came that melody that he have come to cherished. Carlos lapped the excess, lower face drenched of your juices and essence like a starved man who just ate something edible for the first time.

"Heh, tired already?" He chuckled, nearing your face as he studies you. The sweat dripping and tracing off of your skin to mark a line. "Too bad, we've just started."

Tugging his trunks off along with his boxers, your hands reached to grab his wrist, halting his movements momentarily. "Let.. let me.." You breathily offers, even with how out of breath you are, it's cute how his sweet little girl wants to return the favour as well.

Too bad that his patience has been tested over and over because of you.

Carlos leaned forward, pecking your lips and yours follows when he part, wanting more of him. Like how much he does to you. "No. My patience has already been tested. I'm getting more hungry, amoré."

With quick and agile movements, He secured her wrists and led it to the expanse of his back, wide and scarred of battle. "Hold tight." Carlos whispers, lining himself up to your entrance.

Despite the prep works from earlier, you were still tight—or perhaps because he was just simply bigger than average. A small pop! echoes as soon as he was able to enter.

Carlos could feel every bumps and ridges when he had sheathe himself inside, the pulse alike to heartbeat as he grunts beside your ears. A slow and sensual sight is displayed before him.

In. Out.

In. Out.

The way a small buldge forms at every thrust sets the flame alight like embers and he find myself increasing the rhythm of the dance that you both do.

Hand lifting your hips for better purchase as he continue to give you what you desire. "Anh..! Anh, hahh.. It feels good." You call, even with your own voice breaking from the ministrations.

"Yeah? Taking me so well like a.. nn.. good girl." The pleasure is unbearable that he finds himself chasing it, he hissed, biting your sweet spot as you rake your nails on his back, he's sure that there's a lot of marks already. The sting is a welcome feeling, a sign of you claiming him as your own.

"Please, please, please..!"

The bruising on your hips turning shades of red is a claim similar to yours on his back, bicep flexing as he feel the heaviness inside him become more full.

This tango takes two to be done.

Ringk! Ringk! The scaffolding chair creaks from the pressure, you're already pressed on the cushions of it, body thrash against his and he helped guide your thighs to lock on his hips.

"It feels funny-!"

"It's supposed to feel funny."

Pert nipples touching and grazing upon his chest, the delicious sway is, incomplete and sloppy.

"Ahn..!"

And came your tandem being broken as a strangled cry left your lips which he swallowed whole. Hips stilling as he pour his own inside, painting the walls white.

The two of you stayed in position for a while, the whole time felt like time was nothing but a simple motion, the warm sun rays hitting lightly against your skin, face illuminated by the golden glow.

"You fine, amoré?" And you nod, still breathing deeply, your hold loose against his body.

"You done well." Even the simple words makes your body shiver, he nuzzles his nose to the crook of your neck and shoulder, pressing and peppering sweet and light kisses.

After a few more affectionate and soft kisses, you reach to cup his cheeks, prepping yourself to kiss your lover.

"Heh, haven't gotten enough?"

"You're so cheeky." You replied, hitting him weakly on the shoulders. "I'll have to clean you up." he followed, beginning to part from your embrace before you pulled him back, even with how weak you already are from the done-doing, you still found the energy to pull him into your arms again.

"Not yet.!" You complained, brows furrowed in displeasure.

"Not yet?"

"Yeah.. I'm cold again.."

Carlos laughs, obligating to your request, "How needy." Yet he didn't part ways.

[silviakundera]

The Double ep 18-19 thoughts

Too many thoughts and I have a 55 hour/week day-job so no time to share them all

devil may work hard but this drama's dramatic visuals & metaphors are working harder

FL's wet petals and ML playing with his sword as they think of each other just TOOK ME OUT

Playing lovers for cover, sure enough, but we know they both were enjoying the excuse to touch each other 😏

The scene where she admits to not being Jiang Li was very effective. (Objectively, I can admit that it was kinda stuck in there and could have used a better transition. I bet at least 1 other scene originally existed before it and then things were compressed by editing. But subjectively, the viewer is so hyped to get this moment with them that you don't care.) Duke Su says all the right things here, proving himself worthy of her trust. I am really enjoying the drama adaption's take on him. I have no problem with him being a slightly softer, more expressive & open to connection interpretation of the character - it's consistent and built up through the narrative. The live action is an AU version of the novel and stands alone by itself just fine. Both are very enjoyable as separate things.

I already knew about the dad being alive, but traumatized & tortured, so that wasn't a shock to me (I was initially surprised when reading the novel. ) Nice galvanizing factor, adding an immediate urgency missing before.

The scene of her watching him undress, with obvious desire (hand on the candle!!). Love that they let her be so obviously attracted to him, as a woman who is sexually experienced. (I'll consider her a divorcee; being buried alive should suffice for a divorce letter)

IDK how I felt about the 'I give my life to you' scene. It doesn't hurt to have Duke Su's agenda spelled out for viewers, so that's fine. It just felt like.... idk, when watching it the tone of that exchange seemed to match their novel selves more than their drama selves (except for the part at the end, when she calls him out as afraid for her). Suddenly she's saying he only sees her as a pawn, but I honestly thought they moved past that stage earlier in the drama than in the novel so I was a bit disconcerted. idk idk it's not that he doesn't have this other agenda. Of course he's using her. It's that I felt both the viewer AND the FL had seen it's clearly beyond that now. She wouldn't be as open & vulnerable with him at this stage in the drama, if she thought he saw her as only a pawn. Maybe I'm supppsed to read it as she's just feeling defensive & emotional? I need to rewatch tonight after work, maybe I'll feel different. This was just the first time I felt as if the Hand of the Author was there, forcing the live action characters back in line w the source material. But that might just be a me-problem. 🤔