#maybe i need to create little rituals for when im home

[ryanwritesfanfiction]

Sorry, I’m leaving now

Doug Davis x Reader (Covet pt. 2)

a/n someone had commented about a second part where the reader and doug finally meet, this is closer to the first chapter covet but from the readers perspective and i’ll likely have them meet in chapter 3

ps sorry if this is cringy or dumb also this is kind of a filler chapter but i think im only gonna write 3 chapters? not sure yet also not sure when i’ll write chapter 3 

wc: 900~1000

There is a moment in everyone’s life when they learn a valuable lesson that sticks with them forever but ever since I was young I felt like there was an invisible force that impeded me from being able to find love (maybe from being able to find happiness altogether)

Basically, I think I’m never going to find love, and I think I’m fine with that now. Maybe I've just accepted it. It feels like the world has bigger problems than whether or not I find love. So instead of putting all my energy into something that is never going to happen, I focused more on my career, and when that wasn't enough, I decided to go to grad school. 

Unfortunately, it seemed that my grad school nest egg was not as plentiful as I thought since about 90 percent into my continued education journey. I found myself having to move back to my childhood home in the small boring town of Fort Chicken.  

It's just one summer 

I kept having to reassure myself. I needed to. There was no way I had spent as long as I did doing everything in my power to avoid being like the rest of the populous of Fort Chicken who seemed to be stuck here by an invisible social force. 

I’m only here for one more summer 

So I made the best of a bad situation, I found some temporary employment with what turned out to be a very socially outgoing group of people. I wasn’t really the type to overindulge in the company of others nonetheless it seemed a much better option than just sulking around and brood about being back in my hometown.  

Thankfully, fairly early into the summer, my coworkers and I found our summer's saving grace: a little bar a couple of blocks away from Ft. Chicken Elementary. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was able to flourish socially, and it was so exciting. I suppose it could be attributed to Fort. Chicken's lack of new people or people who have left Fort. Chicken and come back. Things like that always create a bit of a buzz in small towns. 

Going to the bar every Friday became a fun little routine, it allowed me to sit and talk and feel like a social butterfly. I learned to love this weekly ritual, quickly becoming acquainted with all the other regulars and the employees. So when a group of people I had never seen before showed up at the bar, my interest was quickly piqued.

 “Hey, who are we starin' at” I heard followed by a silence by the group. Out of curiosity I quickly glance at their table, and see that they all began to stare at one particular man, dressed far more professionally in a sweater vest and a tie. It was odd for the middle of summer but it seemed to fit him weirdly. The conversation seemed to continue but as the night continued I kept feeling eyes on me coming from the direction of that table.

As the summer continued and my weekly routine went on, a new regular began to show up to the bar. It was easy to tell it was the same guy from the table as he was the only guy I had ever seen show up here in a sweater vest. As the summer went on, I got curious about the odd stranger and began to ask others about him, after all, Fort Chicken was a small town and there wasn't much that others didn't know about each other. 

I had learned that he was a science teacher at the nearby elementary school, apparently, he was known for his poor social skills according to one of the parents of a previous student of his. Interestingly enough, I was also informed by the bartender that although he was at the bar every Friday like me, he didn't drink. He always ordered a diet coke and sat at the same seat at the same table at the bar every Friday and always left after I left (according to the manager), which I found interesting especially since there had been many instances where I saw him looking in my direction, sometimes even seeming like he would come up and talk to me, but he never did which part of me was sad about but I couldn't understand why.       

The summer passed by fairly quickly and luckily I had made enough money to finish grad school. As I thought over the summer and everything I had done while back in my hometown, I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the odd stranger that I had never actually met. There was a part of me that felt like we were very similar. At any other point in my life, I was everything but the social creature that I had managed to morph into. I saw a part of myself in him.   

The summer ended and so did my brief popularity, I went back to school and everything else went otherwise back to normal. Occasionally I found myself thinking about the cute quirky guy from the bar. There were even moments where I caught myself daydreaming about him or what it would have been like if he had tried to start a conversation with me. I tried my best to push these thoughts away and go back to normal, after all, I had no plans of going back to Fort Chicken.

On my way back to my apartment, I received an alert on my phone from a national alert system, Warning everyone of what was seemingly the spread of an infectious disease started by a popular chicken nugget brand. From the way it was described, it seemed like a real-life zombie apocalypse

Well, it seems there are bigger problems than my love life now.

[whentherewerebicycles]

Dr. Daniel Siegel, author of The Mindful Brain and Co-Director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA wrote that “[A] crucial feature of implicit memory is that when we do retrieve an element of implicit memory into awareness we do not have the internal sensation that something is being accessed from a memory of the past. We just have the perceptual, emotional, somatosensory, or behavioral response without knowing that these are activations related to something we've experienced before."

In simple terms, implicit memories are memories that exist deep in our minds and can surface without our conscious awareness. An example of an implicit memory at work is our ability to remember how to ride a bike. We don't consciously think about how to do it; this memory is simply in us. Conversely, an example of an explicit memory would be the memory of a parent teaching us to ride the bike, a concrete experience that exists in our minds.

Implicit memories make it possible to experience even a seemingly smooth or pleasant visit home, while unconsciously reconnecting to feelings, thoughts, attitudes and identities we held as children. When we experience implicit memories, we often feel like we are back in the situation we are reminded of, and we innately react as we did in that early situation.

[...] When old feelings like these start to impact our behavior, we are exposed to ways in which we haven't completely grown up or individuated from our parents or other influential adults in our childhoods and the early identities we took on within our families. No matter how mature we feel, memories of our 10-year-old selves can cause us to act like we did when we were 10.

Lisa Firestone, “Why Going Back Home Can Leave Us Feeling Lost”

[raveneira]

Since Yashahime is such a dumpster fire Im just gonna rewrite the sequel to what I THINK would have been the better alternative to the whole SessRin situation and also some story elements that could really be improved and would make this series alot better.

For starters, if we HAD to go the SessRin route then I would make it take place 21 years after the end of final act, Kagome was 18 when she returned to the feudal era and 3 years had passed at the end of the final act which made her 21, Rin should have been about 11-12 at that point, if we count 21 years from then, Kagome would be 42 while Rin would be 32-33, meaning when the twins were born Rin was 18-19, I know that might make ppl a bit uncomfortable still but atleast she would be a legitimate adult where you can atleast say "alright...Im KIND of ok with this, I still dont like it but atleast she is technically an adult capable of consenting and not a literal child being taken advantage of"

Thats if they HAD to go the SessRin route, then I would atleast make it done tastefully where it doesnt promote pedophilia, plus the old gang being in their 40s wouldnt be that big a deal because they'd still be capable of fighting.

Now for my PERSONAL take on how the sequel should have taken place, SessRin wouldnt happen at all, because the beauty of their relationship stemmed from this ruthless cold hearted demon who hated humans, learned to love and care for a small child to the point of nearly crying when he thought he lost her for good, there are all different kinds of love and the love Sesshomaru had for Rin was pure and innocent. He was someone she adored as her savior and caretaker and she was someone he cared for and wanted to protect, to me that bond was far more impactful and meaningful than anything romantic or sexual building up between them, but simply two people whom the other simply cannot live without because they mean THAT much to eachother. Such a pure and sweet relationship did NOT need to be twisted into a romantic and sexual light. Rin could have continued to adore Sesshomaru and he could have continued to check up on her and bring her gifts as he did in the final act until Rin decided she wanted to travel with him again.

Now onto the rewrite, as I stated SessRin WOULDNT happen and their bond would remain as it was in the OG series, so who would be the twins mother? well if we HAD to go the half demon route to show Sesshomaru's development full circle, and we didnt wanna undo Kagura's death because it was a critical moment for Sesshomaru's development, there were several other routes that could have been taken.

1 Create a new character and develop her over the course of Yashahime through a series of flashbacks as we unravel the mystery of what happened to everyone through the girls travels. If you want to go the angsty route you could have her die giving birth and have Rin raise them as a sort of surrogate mother figure, kind of like Clementine with AJ.

2 Use an already established character, one possibility being Nazuna, a human girl that debuted back in the early OG series, she had black hair and black eyes but as we see from Yashahime, the girls clearly didnt inherit their mothers looks as in the OG series Rin's hair was black and her eyes are brown while Setsuna's hair is brown and she has blue/purple eyes while Towa has red eyes, features that neither of their parents have. They also have a random red streak in their hair for some reason. 

So based on this, Nazuna would be a good possible candidate as she was a teenager in the OG series and would be an adult by the end of the series when she would give birth. [Correct me if Im wrong about her age but she looks like a teenager, but if Im wrong then I would just adjust the timeline to where she would be an adult at the time she gives birth]

Another potential candidate would be Momiji, true she may have been anime only but since this is an anime only sequel she is a plausible candidate. She has red/auburn hair which would explain the strange red streak in the twins hair. Like Nazuna, she was a teenager in the OG series so she would also be an adult by the time she'd conceive and give birth.

Another candidate would be Kaname Kururugi, a game exclusive character, but the fact that they went through the trouble of creating a complete OC and fleshed out her backstory to such a degree and allowed her to build relationships with established characters, including Sesshomaru, its safe to say they could have incorperated her into the anime canon considering they already had an established foundation they could have just built off of and meshed it into the anime. Plus she has brown hair and blue/purple eyes just like Setsuna.

Now that we have all the potential candidates, who's the one that seems the most plausible? In my opinion, I would personally go the Kaname route because she has such a deep and fleshed out backstory and they actually took the time to even animate scenes specifically for this game, so she does TECHNICALLY make an appearance in the anime, just not in an actual episode. And just like Kagome, she could have grown fond of the feudal era as well and wished to go back and somehow found a way to do so at the end of the Final act or maybe a month or year later after Kagome returned.

So going with the Kaname route, I'll begin my rewrite.

Being as Sesshomaru hasnt seen her since she was 15 like Kagome and vanished for several years, when he finally sees her again she will now be 18-19 when they reunite and a relationship would start to build and ensue.

Continuing where the game left off, Kaname would continue on with her normal life as Kagome did and eventually graduate when she is 18. She would still often think about her time in the feudal era and miss all the people she spent time with and bonded with there, one person specifically being Sesshomaru.

^ A refresher for those who forgot the Sesshomaru ending.

As she comes home from graduation, another Doll Festival of Wishes is being held and it reminds her of Sesshomaru whom she wishes to see again, she goes and buys one of the dolls and writes his name on it as she did when she first returned home, thinking to herself that its no use and is probably a waste of time, but with what little hope she has left, she does the ritual anyway.

Afterwards she goes over to her father to help him with the festival, who like last time asks her to go get something from the storehouse. As she enters the storehouse, the hole in which she fell through before has been patched up, as she walks through the storehouse, she walks on the patched up floor which caves in when she walks on it and she is once again transported to the feudal era.

She once again lands in a forest not far from where Kaede lives, as she wakes up, she is greeted by Sesshomaru, who had saw her unconscious on his way to visit Rin and watched over her till she woke up. Overjoyed and also in disbelief, she hugs him which surprises Sesshomaru who isnt used to recieving this type of affection but he doesnt push her away, nor does he reciprocate by hugging her back.

As she lets go she tells him how much she missed him and everyone there, then, noticing Rin wasnt with him, asks him where she was, worried that something might have happened to her. He reassures her that Rin is fine and that he was just on his way to visit her at Kaede's village which relieves Kaname. She goes with Sesshomaru back to Kaede's village where she reunites with everyone much to their surprise but they are all very happy to see her again.

Anyway Im not gonna do a play by play step by step storytelling so Im just gonna mention the main story beats and you guys can fill in the blanks for yourself.

Anyway after the happy reunion and catching up, Sesshomaru prepares to leave back on his travels which saddens Kaname who had longed to see him again and only got to be reunited with him a short time. Reluctant to be apart from him again, she asks, or rather insists he allows her to come with him on his travels. He tells her that if she comes with him it'll be a dangerous journey for her, she replies confidently that she can take care of herself and promises to not be a burden to him. Reluctant but not willing to argue, he tells her to do as she wishes and flies off. Kaname hops on A-Un and soon follows, and the two begin their travels together.

Thats pretty much how'd we leave off the final act, atleast a month or two after, you can decide your own timeline.

As for what happened on their journey and how their relationship developed will be shown through a series of flashbacks over the course of Yashahime as we solve more of the mysteries.

In episode 15, we'd get the same flashback but with Kaname being the one to give birth to the twins with Rin, Kagome, Sango, and Kaede there for her as support. It is said that when Sesshomaru and Kaname found out she was pregnant, he brought her back to the village where she could have a safe pregnancy and birth. Of course Sesshomaru isnt the mushy type to stay there with her through her pregnancy, but he does visit from time to time when giving gifts to Rin but also goes to check on her and see how she’s doing, although he doesnt admit thats what he’s doing.

After the twins were born, everything plays out relatively the same, but instead of just taking the twins without a word to her, he atleast reassures her that he's taking them someplace safe from harm, although he cant explain to her right now what that harm is, Kaname says she trusts him.

As I said, things play out relatively the same after that.

As for Rin, what exactly happens with her? well if we MUST pair her off with someone, it should be Kohaku, someone she has an established relationship and bond with that is closer to her age. Whether or not they have kids I'll leave up to you to decide, but I like the idea of Kohaku having a little demon slayer son to carry on their legacy. It would be interesting seeing his bond with Setsuna since Rin would essentially be like a sister figure for the twins although they dont remember her, it would be interesting and sweet to see Setsuna develop a bond with their son who for the sake of simplifying things, we'll call him Korin.

Korin, if we want Rin to be an adult at the time she gives birth, would be 4 years after Kaname gives birth to the twins when Rin is 18-19, making Korin 10 in the present. Like the twins, Korin has no memories of his mother since she was sealed away in a tree for whatever reason, so the only mother figure he's ever had has been Setsuna, which would be an interesting dynamic to explore since it would be similar to how Sesshomaru filled a parental role for Rin who didnt have anyone at the time.

Moroha would NOT be this uncaring about her parents, infact she would be insanely curious, maybe even furious wanting to figure out why they abandoned her and vanished without a word since nobody seems to have told her anything that happened. She would want answers and wouldnt stop until she gets them. The OG crew if we MUST have this mystery drawn out, would tell her that it would be better if she found out the truth for herself and that any answers they give her wouldnt be the answers she wants. So Moroha's driving force in the story wouldnt be about some stupid bounty hunting debt, although she could still be a bounty hunter, but her main motivation would be trying to discover the truth about her parents and why they abandoned her.

Also this BS with Koga giving her up would NOT happen, it just wouldnt, that is BEYOND OOC for him to do and I will not be having it. Instead, Koga would be IN character and not let Moroha out of his sight, he would treat her like kin like the rest of the wolf demon tribe, maybe even give her special treatment because of her connection to Kagome. Koga would train Moroha himself, not going easy on her because he wants her to be strong enough to fend for herself, concerned because of her being a quater demon and having her demon powers sealed, he’s hard on her to toughen her up to not have to rely on it. 

If we must include Yawaragi, then she would be sort of a bodyguard assigned to watch over Moroha by Koga for when he cant. The storyline of the rat armor would still relatively be the same but instead of selling Moroha off to some shady bounty hunter which Koga would never allow or forgive her for doing, she simply introduces him to her as a long time friend, Moroha would take interest in the bounty hunting business as an opporunity for training, and potentially finding info on her parents since Jyubei seems to have alot of connections and intel that’ll be useful in her journey. Yawaragi instead of pursuing the key alone would bring Moroha with her when they are approached by the shady demon whos name I cant be bothered to remember, he blackmails her with the key telling her to fight Moroha if she wants it, Moroha scoffs at this telling him that she wouldnt do that and that they’ll both fight him together to get the key instead, but to her surprise Yawaragi attacks her.

Everything plays out relatively the same, Moroha is hurt at her betrayal and lashes out at her. Yawaragi, like in the episode uses this fight as one final lesson for Moroha, with full intention on dying by the end of it. Moroha is hesitant to fight her because she still cares about her as she was like a second mentor and somewhat mother figure to her. So to get Moroha to fight seriously she lies to her by saying that everything was a lie and that she never cared about her etc I wont go into a ton of detail, Moroha is reluctant to believe her but is eventually convinced when she attacks her full power, seemingly with the intent to kill her. This pushes Moroha to fight seriously as well, remembering what she taught her about using her clever thinking and successfully strikes her down. 

After this she goes over to her and Yawaragi admits to lying to her so that she would fight because she knew chances are the shady demon wouldnt have given her the key and since the rat armor was close to killing her anyway she decided she would rather die by Moroha’s hands rather than being crushed to death by the armor. Moroha would be devestated and guiltridden since she is the reason she was in the cursed armor to begin with, but Yawaragi reassures her that it isnt her fault and that it was her own negligence to see through the trap that resulted in this outcome. As a reward for defeating her, she gives Moroha her sword [yes Moroha wouldnt have her sword until now] and tells her to get stronger with it so that she wouldnt have to rely on her rouge, but win using her own strength. Moroha promises her that she will and Yawaragi passes away shortly after that. Everything plays out relatively the same after that.

As for the twins their motivations can mostly stay the same, but they also wouldnt be so uncaring about their parents, or specifically Towa wouldnt. Towa would be furious at her father and want to find him and maybe even kill him for abandoning them and causing them to be separated with seemingly no regard for their safety. Setsuna can maintain her non caring attitude, but given Towa's upbringing in the modern era, it makes sense for her to be furious at her birth father's neglect after experiencing what a loving home and father feels like.

As for what happened to Kaname, like I said you could go the angsty route where she died giving birth, or you could have her be kidnapped and used as a bargaining chip to blackmail Sesshomaru into doing the enemies bidding. You could have it where Sesshomaru was able to prevent Rin from falling into the enemies hands but not Kaname. Or maybe Kaname sacrificed herself for Rin, agreeing to go with the enemy in exchange for them sparing Rin, which is what leads Sesshomaru to sealing Rin in the tree to prevent them from potentially coming back for her. You guys can come up with your own conclusions there, these are just some scenerios off the top of my head. But for the sake of the rewrite we'll go with Kaname being kidnapped and used to blackmail Sesshomaru.

I’ll make an actual rewrite in a separate post with how I would PERSONALLY make the sequel, this post is just me tweaking and making slight alterations to the way Sunrise chose to write the sequel, the separate post would be how I feel the sequel could have played out instead for the better.

[chocolatequeennk]

Forever Timeless, 1/23

Summary: Two months after the Dalek Crucible, the Doctor and Rose are getting used to having the biggest family on Earth. As they visit Leadworth in 1996, Victorian England, a mysterious desert planet, and Elizabethan England, those family and friends often help in unexpected ways. But no matter where they go or who they're with, it's always the Doctor in the TARDIS with RoseTyler--just as it should be.

Ten x Rose, Donna x Lee

Betaed by @saecookie, @rudennotgingr, @pellaaearien, and @jabber-who-key

Part 7 of Being to Timelessness

AO3 | FF.NET | TSP

Chapter One: Family Time

Rose leaned back into the drop cloth-covered couch and looked around the room. Her mum and Pete had purchased a house in Cardiff, and she and the Doctor had spent all day painting and cleaning. After two months spent monitoring the lingering effects of the Reality Bomb, the domesticity was jarring.

A sharp pain hit Rose between her shoulder blades, and she grimaced and rolled her shoulders. Every muscle in her body ached. She was in good shape, but she didn’t usually spend hours holding a paint roller over her head.

A moment later, familiar hands settled on her shoulders and started massaging the tension away. Rose sighed and leaned forward so the Doctor could get that spot in the middle of her back.

She enjoyed the massage for a few minutes, then reached for his hand and tugged, asking him silently to sit down with her. He collapsed beside her, looking every bit as tired as she felt. He had a smudge of dirt on his cheek and his hair stuck straight up.

“What have you and Pete been up to?”

“Putting together the furniture for Tony’s room.” The Doctor rubbed a hand over his face, smudging the dirt even more. “I need to create a setting on the sonic for Allen keys. Those belong on a list of forbidden torture devices.”

Jackie’s snort interrupted Rose’s teasing response. “And here I thought you were some kind of superior alien,” she said as she entered the room, carrying two tall glasses of water. “How the mighty have fallen—defeated by an Ikea flat pack.”

Rose listened to the Doctor’s internal debate, weighing the merits of defending himself against the likelihood that Jackie would dump the glass of water over his head. In the end, he only rolled his eyes and said, “Thankfully, the fate of the universe has never rested on my ability to put together furniture named after obscure Scandinavian locales.”

Jackie handed them the water and sat down on a folding chair. “Speaking of strange places, we haven’t seen Jenny and Donna lately. Where are they at now?”

Rose blinked. “You’ve seen them?”

Her mum raised an eyebrow. “You would have seen them too if you hadn’t been off to Neptune doing whatever,” she retorted. “They stopped by a few weeks ago before catching a plane to New York.”

Rose sipped at her water to cover up the urge to sigh. The trip to Paris had whetted Jenny’s interest in seeing more of the Earth. By airplane, she’d insisted, because that was how humans did it.

Donna had been happy to travel the world with her. Rose suspected the trip was a way for her to keep her mind off the fact that they still hadn’t found Lee. Four months had passed since the Library, and the TARDIS still hadn’t picked up even a trace of him.

Rose abruptly realised her mum was staring at her expectantly. It only took her a second to remember what they’d been talking about.

“They’re in Sydney,” she said. “They’ll be back for your big housewarming party, but they really wanted to see Australia before coming home.”

“Hah!” Jackie wagged her finger at Rose. “Now you know what it’s like, having your only child go off travelling by herself.”

Rose pursed her lips. “It’s not that,” she argued. “Well, not only that,” she amended. “It’s fun having other people on the TARDIS with us. I miss it.”  

“What do you miss?” Pete asked. He pulled a second folding chair over and sat down beside Jackie.

“Having friends travel with us.”

“Apparently I’m not enough company,” the Doctor added, earning a poke in the side from Rose and a snort from Jackie.

“More like you’re a bit too much,” Jackie countered. “Can’t imagine being married to an alien.”

“No, you just married a man from a parallel universe,” Pete interjected.

Jackie rolled her eyes, then looked at Rose. Rose groaned at the look in her eye. Interrogation time, she warned the Doctor.

“Speaking of marrying an alien…” Jackie raised an eyebrow and looked at Rose, then at the Doctor, and back again. “You mentioned something about weird alien rituals.”

Rose opened her mouth, but before she could start explaining the bond, her mother started rambling.

“I’ve been thinking, maybe you had to wear funny hats? Or defeat someone in armed combat?” She pointed at the Doctor. “Maybe Rose had to go back in time to ask your family for your hand in marriage.”

“Nothing like that, Mum,” Rose said quickly before Jackie could continue on that train of thought and bring back painful memories of Gallifrey.

“Well, what was it then?” She narrowed her eyes. “You better not have been naked for this wedding.”

“No! We were fully clothed.” The Doctor felt his neck heat up.  

Help!

Rose took his hand and he let out a slow breath. “Leave ‘im be, Mum,” she scolded. “It was mostly just like a wedding. I wore a beautiful dress and we exchanged vows and rings and everything.”

“Well that doesn’t sound too weird.”

“Yeah…” Rose squeezed his hand and he squeezed back, agreeing with her sudden decision. “I was mostly teasing when I said that.”

Jackie crossed her arms over her chest. “So your wedding was completely normal?” she asked, dubious.

Rose bit her lip. “Well, we were alone in the TARDIS,” she said slowly. “And we did a handfasting because that’s part of the Doctor’s tradition.”

“Hmmm…” Jackie raised an eyebrow.

Rose knew she didn’t believe her, but explaining the bond was a far longer conversation than she wanted to have right now. Some day she’d try, but not today.

“It was perfect,” she said, wanting to move away from the alienness of their wedding.

As she thought about that day, something occurred to her. “And our wedding anniversary is only two weeks away,” she added.

The Doctor blinked, and she was glad she wasn’t the only one who’d lost track of time. “We’ll have to go someplace to celebrate.”

“Mind if I plan this trip?”

He smiled and brushed his thumb over her wrist. “I’d love it.”

“Rose?”

The childish voice drew everyone’s attention, and they all looked over at Tony, standing in the doorway.

“Yes, Tony?”

He shuffled forward, a book in his hand. “Will you and the Doctor read to me?”

The Doctor scooted over and patted the cushion in between himself and Rose. “You bet!”

The little boy grinned, then darted across the room and jumped up onto the couch. Rose grabbed the book from him before he could stab himself in the eye with it or something.

“Under the Deep Blue Sea.”

As Rose turned to the first page, she suddenly knew exactly where she wanted to take the Doctor for their anniversary.

oOoOo

The Doctor followed Rose as she pushed her way to the front of the crowd waiting at Heathrow. “The board says their flight landed half an hour ago,” she told him. “They should be almost through customs by now.”

When the first passengers started trickling in a few minutes later, the Doctor gave Rose one end of the sign they’d made. Around them, other people likewise held up their signs—Limousine for Mr. Arbuckle, etc.

The trickle turned into a solid wave of people. “Can you see them, Doctor?” Rose asked as she strained to look through the crowd.

“No… Wait! Yes! Hold the sign up, Rose.”

They waved it madly, and a moment later they were rewarded by familiar laughter. Rose leaned sideways and saw Jenny and Donna walking towards them, wheelie bags in tow.

“TARDIS for Miss Noble and Miss Tyler?” Donna rolled her eyes.

The Doctor turned the sign around and studied it. “Well, we wouldn’t want anyone else to think they could get a free ride.”

“We told you we’d take the train to Cardiff, though,” Jenny said.

Donna nudged her gently with her elbow. “You owe me ten quid, Jenny. I told you they wouldn’t be able to resist surprising us.”

The Doctor’s mouth fell open, and when he looked over at Rose he was thankful to see that at least she was as surprised as he was.

Jenny hitched her backpack up on her shoulders. “I still say giving them the flight information was cheating.”

“I didn’t realise we were so predictable,” the Doctor muttered.

Donna smirked and turned her suitcase so he could take the handle. “We just know you too well.”

Rose shook her head and grabbed Jenny’s suitcase. “Come on, we should get out of the way. The TARDIS is just a short bus ride away.”

Thirty minutes later, the Doctor unlocked the door and held it open while Rose, Donna, and Jenny walked inside. He heard Donna and Jenny sigh in unison, and raised his eyebrows at them.

“Glad you don’t have to take a train after travelling for over twenty-four hours?” he guessed.

“Definitely,” Donna said fervently.

“And glad we can hop into the Vortex and get some sleep without Gran knowing we didn’t go straight to Cardiff,” Jenny added.

The Doctor and Rose exchanged a glance, then Rose gave Donna and Jenny a sly smile. “About that… Are you set on going to Cardiff?”

Donna crossed her arms over her chest. “The housewarming party is next week. I’ve only met your mum a few times, but I have a pretty good idea of what will happen if you miss it.”

The Doctor grimaced and rubbed at his cheek, making everyone laugh.

Rose chuckled and shook her head. “Yeah, you’re right about that. But our anniversary is the day after tomorrow, so we’re going on a short holiday before the big shindig. We can drop you in Cardiff for the week, or—”

“Or,” Donna said before Rose could continue.

Jenny nodded eagerly. “You mean you’ll drop us off on another planet, yeah?”

“If you want,” Rose said.

Jenny and Donna exchanged a look, then broke out in matching grins. “Yes!”

Rose hugged Donna and kissed Jenny on the cheek, then gently pushed them both towards the corridor. “Go lie down. We’ll drop you off in the morning after you’ve slept off some of the jet lag.” She leaned against a strut and watched them go, while the Doctor sent them into the Vortex just like Jenny had asked.

He slid the dematerialisation lever into place, and the time rotor quietly chugged up and down. The transition into the Vortex was so smooth that Rose hardly felt it.

A soft mental tug caught her attention, and she looked over at the Doctor. He’d sat down on the jump seat, and now he patted the seat beside him.

Rose pushed off from the strut and walked around the console, hopping up to sit beside the Doctor like she’d done a thousand times. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him.

“What are you thinking?”

“This life,” she said, talking slowly so she could put the words together as they came to her. “It’s… so much more than I thought it would be.”

She paused, and the Doctor left the silence empty so she could think.

“I thought I’d lost this at Canary Wharf,” she said finally.

“Lost what?”

“Just… human things,” she said, testing the words as she went. “Helping family move. Meeting them at the airport.”

She tilted her head back so she could look at the Doctor. “I love our life, traveling through time and space. And if I could never have anything else, this is what I’d choose. Every time.”

“But we get to have more,” he supplied, understanding what she was trying to get at. “Our life in the TARDIS, and a family on Earth.”

“Yeah. Time and space… and family.”

[tomcriuse]

@foxwulder asked: im interested in your answer to this. what do you think mulder was like at college, socially. give me all of your headcanon on this.

yeah idk why but every time i sit down to write headcanons, i end up writing an essay that could be true like none of it is grounded in. Anything

his first year, he was incredibly involved in his studies—obsessive almost. there isn’t a part of fox mulder that doesn’t love learning anything that he can get his grubby little goblin hands on. he would keep to himself, shy. quiet.

he spent a lot of time on his own. his apartment was just outside of campus, so he would spend mornings walking to class not quite seeing everything around him. if it was especially cold, he would stop and get some coffee at his favourite café on the corner of the cobblestone street where the door creaked when you opened it and the bell rang a little too loudly and the coffee was just a little too hot. every time he went there, the barista would see him coming from down the road and she would have his cup made before he walked in. he would smile kindly—awkwardly charming, almost—at the her and his hands would shake a little as he was counting out the change and he would comment on the weather like it was unusual, but the weather in oxford changes once a year and the barista would just smile in amusement and say see you tomorrow green eyes, and mulder would blink and rub the back of his neck and say see you tomorrow coffee girl. their interactions were short and limited to the five minutes he could spare on his walk, but sometimes he would bring her book recommendations or random fun facts that he learned from his school reading. it was small ritual, but it was but it was a great comfort that made him feel less alone.

he met his first real friends in one of his beginner psychology classes. mulder always sat in the second row—he thought that the first row was for the people who wanted to show off too much, and he thought the back of the room was for the people that didn’t care at all. he considered himself right in the middle and showed it in where he sat. it seemed that a lot of people felt the same way, because the entire row was empty save for him and two guys and a girl. there as a sort of unofficial official seating chart camaraderie. the boy next to him wore the same three wrinkled button up shirts in various shades of green and layered them with old sweaters with holes in them. the other boy was always put together—no matter if he got two hours of sleep or twelve. he wore designer suits in every shade and pattern imaginable. he never wore a tie but always brought a baseball cap to class, worn and old and stained. the girl recorded every lecture on her cassette player and transcribed them every night. her notes were detailed and organized and covered in coffee rings from the late nights. they were a group of ragtag kids—relics from different cultures cobbled together to create a beautiful sculpture.

since the first day of class, the boy with messy clothes and a charming grin would always come to class with no pen and no paper, and disarm mulder with his shy eyes and say hey man, can I borrow some? and mulder knew there was now borrowing, he was never getting it back but he couldn’t say no. he bought notebooks for him and cases of pens but he wouldn’t take them and so mulder just kept them in his bag and took them with him wherever he went. originally their interactions never went past that. it became their own unspoken language—a habitual tradition that followed them in everything they did.

this also means that whenever there was group work, which was quite often in a behavioral class, the four would always be assigned together. at first they would just meet in the library or sit on the lawn with the sun peaking out from behind the clouds, focusing only on the task at hand. the three of his classmates would mess around and mulder would through in a witty comment here and a sharp retort there, but he never told much about himself. all they really knew about him was that he was the american boy with messy hair, pretty eyes, and an unusually lanky frame. he wasn’t cold, but he wasn’t inviting. he didn’t want to get attached and lose more that he loved.

the more they were forced together, the more that mulder started accepting that he deserved happiness—that he didn’t have to push others away. that he deserved to be loved. they moved from libraries to his favourite café and from the lawn to the floor in someones apartment. they moved from homework to movies and witty anecdotes to stories. it was the first time that he had ever told anyone what happened to sam. they didn’t laugh, they didn’t ridicule. they told him that if anyone could bring her back it would be him.

every friday night, they would go to the indian food restaurant around the corner from his apartment and they would order half of the menu. they would laugh and argue about movies and psychoanalyse each other. they would be a little too loud and they would stay a little too long after closing and they would tip a little too much to make up for it, but they felt more at home in that restaurant than they ever did with their parents.

coming from old money in new england, the way that mulder was raised to appreciate people was through gifts. originally, he would buy sweaters new shoelaces or new wheels for his skateboard. he would buy mr perfect the ugliest ties he could find. he would buy the curly haired girl blank cassette tapes and hand-crafted mugs. but somewhere along the way, he wanted to give a part of himself to them to remember him by. he would hang out at the skatepark with sweaters at two in the morning. he would play soccer with mr perfect even though, if he had any choice, he would rather die than pick soccer over baseball.

it would be the small things. the way the curly haired girl would throw her straw wrappers at mulder when he told a bad joke. the way that sweaters threw his arm around his shoulder and leaned in like he was going to tell him the world’s greatest secret—the key to the universe. the way mr perfect would invite him to museum parties that his family forced him to go to, and the way that they would sneak off to the roof to watch the stars. listening to music as they counted the constellations. reading psychology books aloud. coming up with stupid conspiracies and trying to convince the other person that it was true. having paper airplane races. going to france for a weekend and trying every coffee place they could. trying recipes from thrift-store cookbooks that they ruin and end up ordering takeout. someone finding a small sunflower and giving it to him and him saying, we both know exactly what is wrong here. road trips to the countryside where there was a ufo sighting.

his greatest friendships in college were built on admiration and annoyance and fate and love.

at some point, people started to notice mulder. maybe it was his wild hair or his bright smile or his ringing laughter. maybe it was the way that he always kept his word or was always there for you if you needed to talk. everyone seemed to know him. he would say hello in passing to kids on campus and help you out in the library if you needed. but his focus was always on his friends—his family. outside of them, he had a couple friends maybe—acquaintances. people he would sit next to in other classes, someone doing peer review. fleeting.

it wasn’t that he avoided making other friendships, but it was that the bond between the four of them ran deep. they knew everything about each other—how crispy they liked the crust on their bread, how dark or light they like their coffee, whether or not they looped the end when they wrote a y, the way their eyes light up when they think of a comeback, the twitch of their eyebrows when they hear something that annoys them. it was nothing that you could learn from reading a book, but things only resulting from years of intensive study and firsthand experience. for every connection in their circle, one was a primary source and the other was a historian pouring over ever wrinkle and stain on the page.

however, when he met phoebe, things started going downhill. she would monopolize his time and steal him away from his family. she drove a wedge between them. it was his first real taste of betrayal—not his friends walking out on him, but someone who he loved driving them away. there was no more of the pure happiness that he felt with them. it felt wrong to take her to the places that they went together. he couldn’t eat indian food. he hated france. he bought everything new, nothing used.

it was like he was back to square one, almost: keeping to himself, shy. quiet.

[paradoxxerr]

True Dreamon: a random dmsp headcanon/AU i had

I literally had this random epiphany out of nowhere while i was dazing off and shit

i was always bothered how the dreamon hunters arc didnt get expanded further beyond a few references, and also the mystery of Ranboo’s white half...i think this my brains copying mechanism....

Well, without further ado, I introduce to y’all: True Dreamon! brace yourselves for a loooooong ride

Let’s start: Dreamons are one of the many sentient species that roam the SMP and have been around since forever. They´re little pale blobs that jump around that vary in color and have weird mouths that makes it look like they’re perpetually smiling.

-Being tiny blobs, Dreamons are very physically weak. Even foxes or wolves can overpower one, but there’s a catch: Dreamons have strong psychic abilities, like sensing emotions, mind reading and levitating objects.

They’re also known for “bodysnatching”; a self defense tactic where they get something or someone else’s body and use it to suit their needs, like having more physical prowess pr hiding their true form. While in the ancient past, Dreamons just snatched dead bodies or hypnotized feeble animals or humans, this fell in desuse in favor of creating a body from natural materials.(ie. Our Dream controls a body made out of slime.)

Although infamous for being manipulative tricksters, Dreamons aren’t inherently evil. Records have shown Humans,  Hybrids(animal people like Fundy or Techno) and Dreamons living in harmony with each other, and that Dreamons with good intentions were extremely kind, pacifist and understanding friends.

These Dreamons, who lived alongside civilized society away from their home tribes in the wild, eventually changed their appearence along the years, becoming more humanoid, taller, and with limbs. But their psychic abilities, although not lost, became severely atrophied, and only with rigorous training could be unlocked. This subspecies, coloquially called “Dreamonfolk” or False Dreamons, they were looked down by the wild, “True” Dreamons for becoming too soft.

Despite being accepted by many, True Dreamons and Dreamonfolk alike were also hated by many. Dreamon Hunters were seen as local heroes and knights in many kingdoms, specialized in countering their mind powers. Slaughtered to the point of extinction, the True Dreamons became even more recluse, migrating to the most remote parts of the server, and Dreamonfolk decided to leave their homes and friends behind for their own good. For many, many years, the documented Dreamon appearences could be counted with a single digit.

Until the infamous green blob we all know and hate showed up. He managed to become very influent and feared with his manipulation and fighting skills, all that while keeping his true nature relatively a secret. “Dream” isn’t his actual name (hes ashamed of his actual name? we’ll never know ;P ), and bringing the Dreamon topic around him makes him extremely uncomfortable and rude. It is to be expected of a “True” Dreamon to be opportunistic and antisocial.

Close friends like George, Sapnap and Bad know about it but dont know much about how his abilities. And he even put on a little “show” for Tubbo and Fundy when they suspected of him. A lot of misinformation was written about Dreamons as way to protect their secrets, many of it made by Dreamons manipulating historians, like the golden hoes, farmland, and iron doors rituals Tubbo was talking about, and Dream decided to play along. (he was suspended by a wire and stabbed himself in the flying scene)

Ranboo, our favorite memory boi, is half Enderman, half Dreamonman. While his aggressive and shy side clearly comes from the Ender half, I can see his kindness and making friends easily as the Dreamon half. The ominous “voice” is obviously Dream talking to his mind and altering his brain to imagine/forget stuff and trigger the Ender frenzy. Dreamons used to communicate with each other by mind reading, so its easier for him to temper with Ranboo unlike say, Tommy or Tubbo, for human/hybrid minds arent really made for psychic powers.

yay that concludes my lore dump ahaha...im kinda leaning on writing some one shot scenes with this au but eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee idkk if ye or no

maybe even drawn but my drawings look shit shit eeeeeeeeeeeee

if yall hany any questions go ahead to ask me and shit, i dont mind. If you wanna use this thing for fanart or writing idk go ahead you do you yay :)

[shitty-tf2-headcanons]

Mercs with a girlfriend whos autistic and has body stims, and is insecure about it? Specifically rocking and chewing? Maybe include them catching her rocking while she was alone or seeing maybe one two many chewed up bottle caps or plastics in the trash? As you can tell im self indulgent and I like comfort

Ayy there ain’t nothing wrong with being self indulgent, self indulgence is why I created this blog. And hey, who doesn’t like comfort? Being comforted is like the 2nd best feeling in the world.

Scout- He doesn’t know why he looked. Something in his gut told him...but that doesn’t make any sense to him. Why would a gut feeling tell you to look in a trash bin and pick up a green bottle cap. It looked chewed to all hell. Teeth marks littered the small piece of plastic. Another one was pulled out at random. A yellow cap with the same marks. Rooting the trash revealed more and more chewed up caps. He wasn’t confused or upset. He was more...curious than anything. He decided that the best way to sate this curiosity was to talk to her directly. He tells her that he found the bottle caps and he of course panics when she looks just as panicked as him. 

“No no i-it’s okay! I chew on my pencils sometimes! And-And I chew on my fingernails! Look look, see? You don’t have to feel b-bad...”

The bandages are peeled off his hands to reveal red nail bitten fingers. He tries to joke that at least chewing on caps doesn’t lead to an infection...he hopes anyway. He doesn’t want you to feel ashamed about the way she is. If he mocked her for chewing on plastic, he might as well wear a sign that says “BIG FREAKING HYPOCRITE”. He always makes sure to remind her she has nothing to hide from him.     

Soldier- He’s caught her a couple of times. He’s seen her rocking in their bedroom and sometimes the rec room. She always seemed to do it alone though. Soldier was never known for his wits or intelligence. No, this man is famous in the team for jumping to conclusions. Once he saw you rock again, he thought back to his time with Merasmus. The wizard sometimes rocked in a similar manner...was his girlfriend a wizard too? Was this some sort of summoning ritual? But what would she be summoning? Aha! A warm blooded American like her (he thinks this even if she’s not American) must be summoning the spirit of George Washington! The next time he catches sight of her rocking, he busts right in and take a seat next to her. Not noticing the panicked look on your face, he copies your rocking movement. She asks him what he’s doing. He, of course, tells her that he’s helping her summon the ghost of George Washington. She then has to explain to him what stimming is.

“Oh. This is...stimming. Can we still try to summon George Washington?” 

She tells him that they can try and he is beyond excited to see George again. Her rocking doesn’t bother him, it never bothered him to begin with. To him, it’s just something she does. Nothing to feel bad about. Though he promises to beat the crap out of this “Insecurity” she keeps talking about. She has nothing to worry about when around her Soldier (though she still worries he somehow summoned Washington without her knowing).    

Pyro- At first, they didn’t think much of it. So she liked to chew on bottle caps, that wasn’t a big deal at all. They remember all sorts of weird things they used to chew on as a kid. Rubber, hair, plastic, nails, etc. You name it, they chewed on it. They’re about to move past it when they realize something else. All that chewing eventually lead them to chewing on more meaty parts of their body, like their arms and hands. What if...what if she was doing that too? The thought of their girlfriend harming herself brought tears to their eyes. His girlfriend was in for quite a shock when Pyro burst through their door, sobbing loudly behind their mask. They gesture for her to hold her arms out and she obliges. They check her arms and let out an audible sigh of relief when her arms looked to be bite free. His girlfriend asks him what all this was about. Pyro pulled out one of her chewed up caps, though they quickly put it away when they saw the look of shame and embarrassment. They explained (or mumbled rather) that they used to do the same thing, so they understand why she would feel embarrassed and insecure. Pyro reassures her as long as she’s not hurting herself, she’s perfectly fine. They even collect clean bottle caps and give it to her as a little gift.

Demo- He sees her doing it. It’s stimming, right? He sure hope it is, he remembers some of the kids from his orphanage were autistic too. He was even friends with a few of them. They used to do the same thing, rocking and such. He used to laugh about it, it was a little funny to watch honestly, but he quickly realized his mistake when they made an even bigger effort to hide from him. He admits he could be a shitty little kid sometimes. So it’s not surprising that he feels like that guilty little kid again. Why does she feel insecure about it? Did somebody say something? He just sighs and takes a sip of scrumpy. He can’t have his fav lass feeling so down around him or anyone. So he walks into the room, right when she was in the middle of rocking, and takes a seat next to her. He sighs and slowly grabs her hand, squeezing gently

“Aye lass...ya know I love ya, right? Nothing ya do is ever gonna change that.”

He’s not going to make her stop. It helps her with her emotions, right? So why make her stop doing something that’s beneficial to her? Plus, just like when he was a kid, it’s going to make him chuckle sometimes. He’s obviously not going to say it aloud but it’s funny to watch. But also calming in a way. Just watching you rock puts him in a state of tranquility. 

Heavy- He keeps finding soda caps in the trash. They always appear to be chewed on? He’s confused to say the least. Is somebody so hungry that they resort to eating plastic? Why though...there’s plenty of food on the base. He considers leaving out sandviches for this mysterious chewing person. He’ll do that later. Maybe his girlfriend might know something. He presents her with a few chewed up caps and asks her if she knows something. The look on her face  simultaneously breaks his heart and strikes fear in it. Oh no he made a mistake, here here, just take $7000, go shopping, please don’t be sad. He’s gonna go to Medic and ask him about it. He’s gonna feel like a big insensitive idiot when the doctor explains to him that she’s simply stimming. Oh, that makes sense. He’s gonna bashfully approach her and apologize for making her feel a certain way.

“Am sorry for embarrassing you. Heavy did not understand. This...stimming...is fine. You are fine.”

He wish he could say more but his English is still in need of work. He just wants you to be comfortable and happy. If that means chewing on bottle caps, go right ahead. Heavy does not judge. He may even give her some bottle caps if she wants some. Anything for his beloved. 

Engineer- Dad mode activated. Is she okay? Is something wrong? Seeing her rocking alone is immediately gonna worry him. He has a vague idea of stimming and autism since a few of his classmates and cousins were autistic. Though he only really saw them do it when they were overwhelmed and that worried him. She’s overwhelmed, isn’t she? Well that won’t do at all. Cue the montage. This man is gonna do everything in his power to make you comfortable. Dim the lights, quietly berate the team for making too much noise, make the team dinners into something you like all the time. Engie is nice and all but everyone (gf) can see something is bothering him. His gf is probably gonna have to confront him. He’s gonna look embarrassed and try to make it seem like something isn’t wrong. But, being the honest good boi he is, he’s gonna crack and admit the truth.

“I see you rocking sometimes. I know you’re different and all but are you okay? I just want you to feel at home in the base here, honey bee. 

That’s when she’s gonna have to explain to him how stimming works. Yes, she does it do because she’s overwhelmed, but she also does it when she’s feeling a strong emotion. It’s calming for her. Engie is gonna be both relieved and happy when he hears that it’s a calming mechanism for her. But he’s gonna be worried again when she admits that she’s insecure about it. Insecure? Why should she feel bad about something that makes her feel better? Either way, he doesn’t want his love to feel bad anyway. So she’s gonna have to deal with his constant reminders that he loves her and his constant feats to make her comfortable in the presences of the public and himself. 

Medic- Oh, she’s stimming. He isn’t surprised considering she’s autistic. He already kinda knew she was autistic after the first few days of knowing her. He is a doctor, after all. A crazed one but not a dumb one. So he’s okay with her chewing. But he’s really not okay with her chewing on bottle caps of all things! Gott, doesn’t she know how dirty these cheap factory made caps are?! Think of all the germs!! Their wearing down her precious teeth!!! Ahem, as a semi professional doctor, he doesn’t scream these complaints at her. Rather, he tells her out of nowhere while he’s working that he knows about her cap chewing. 

“Those caps of yours carry so many germs, mäuschen, you don’t vant a dirty mouth, do you? Not to mention that they wear down you’re lovely teeth.”

He says it so calmly and offhandedly that it’s easy to assume that he doesn’t care that much or he’s insulting you. Quite the contrary, he cares very much about matters that concern your health. He doesn’t mean to sound mean. Plus, he does show he cares when he gets you a couple of chewy toys or items, ones that won’t wear down your teeth. Wait you’re insecure about your stimming? Now you’re just being irrational. It’s completely natural for someone like her. How can he shame you for stimming, he would have to admit he has failed as a doctor and boyfriend if he did such a thing. He encourages you to stim with the items he bought you.

Sniper- Growing up in the middle of nowhere with two parents and spending most of his life in near isolation, he’s not gonna know much about autism. Least of all what stimming is. So he’s not gonna judge her for her behavior or mannerisms. That’s just how some people are, can’t really do much when it comes to how people’s minds work. He’s caught her rocking sometimes. Though he only sees her doing when she thought he was asleep or in the other room. Ah, he figures that it’s something she likes to do in her private time. Perfectly understandable. So he just pretends he doesn’t see anything and just moves on with life. Though there comes the day when he accidentally walks in on her rocking. They both freeze and just stare at each other. The look on her face reminds her of his own face when’s been caught pissing in jars or baby talking a cute stray. Shame and embarrassment. He closes the door and just isolates himself. He embarrassed her. He loathes embarrassment and he just hates himself for just making her feel that way. After returning from his self banishment, he’s gonna immediately apologize.

“Mmm sorry...didn’t mean to barge in on your personal space, roo. Wasn’t thinking straight...” 

Whether or not she tell him what stimming is, he’s gonna respect her privacy. He’ll leave the room if she starts stimming or stay out if she is stimming. It’ll always be “her” private activity so he’s not gonna invade her privacy. He’ll gladly stay if she says it’s okay for him to stay with her. He knows that she’s insecure about it and he understands completely, he’s one of the most insecure people on the team. To combat her insecurity, he’ll chase everyone out of the room if she needs to stim or remind her that you just do you. 

Spy- He’s not gonna actively root through some trash Scout  but he does notice some chewed up caps. He’ll raise an eyebrow. Well, sees like someone on the team has a bit of a chewing problem. He’s willing to bet that it’s either Scout or Pyro.  Being the nosy bitch he is, he’s gonna pay extra close attention to his team. His girlfriend isn’t safe from his snooping either.  He quickly learns it’s her when he’s cloaked and he catches her chewing on some bottle caps in the (supposed) privacy of her room. He watches her for a bit before slinking out the room. He doesn’t tell. Of course he doesn’t. But he does want to talk to her. He’s just not sure what to say. He’s not bothered by her chewing, it’s just another special little quirk of hers. He’s mostly worried that confronting her about it will lead to her getting emotional and he’s just not ready to handle that. But he sometimes say things that hints that he knows about her stimming.“Mon amour, do you want me to buy you something from the grocery store? Some water bottles, perhaps? Or some sweets, maybe?”She shouldn’t be too surprised when she sees that some brand new chewy items have been left in her room. If she doesn’t use the items as left, then she’s gonna find a stack of bottle caps. The caps look and smell cleaned? It’s obvious who's leaving these gifts around. To help with her insecurity, she’s gonna be receiving a lot more soft kisses that seem to last longer than usual. Still insecure? He must buy more of what she wants and needs.

Miss Pauling- She’s rarely home long enough to catch her stimming. She usually comes in, gives her a quick kiss, drinks some coffee, and is out to work again. So her girlfriend can stim all she wants in the safety and privacy of her home. Pauling is well aware of stimming so she already knows her girlfriend stims. But she does find it a little odd that she never sees her stimming in front of her. But she doesn’t dwell on that thought too long since she needs to focus on the work at hand. She only catches her gf in the act when she finally gets her yearly day off. She stumbles into the house in the dead of night, ready to crash and enjoy the day sleeping and cuddling her girl. She walks into the room and sees her rocking. At any other time, she would sit and talk with her. But now? She was already half asleep and didn’t fully comprehend the gravity of the situation or how embarrassed her girlfriend looked. She just sleepily mumbled.“Sorry babe, did I interrupt...I’m so tired. Come lay with me please...I wanna lay in those soft arms forever...”She’s gonna hit the bed and pass right out, whether or not she was in her girlfriend’s arms. She only realizes everything in the morning. She’s kinda embarrassed about how she acted. But at least she got to see you stim! But she looked embarrassed...was that why she did it alone. Then she feels shitty for interrupting. She doesn’t feel the need to talk with her about it. She just lays with her on the couch all day and watches whatever she likes. She’s a lot more affectionate with her that, but only if her girlfriend is okay with it. When she’s busy at work, she’ll make sure to leave little cheesy love notes everywhere. And her short breaks are spent in her girlfriend’s arms. She loves her for who she is.

[qaraxuanzenith]

Steven Grant Rogers, zt”l

Steven Grant Rogers, zt”l: A life in three and a half parts

Note: I wrote this due to a conversation with @dawnfire360​​ about representation in media. Captain America was a character created by two Jews, modelled in a Jewish archetype (“little guy from Brooklyn”), and created to fulfill what was, at the time of his creation, largely a Jewish fantasy (punching Nazis in the early forties). The fact that he was established canonically as Irish Catholic (if I remember correctly) seems less a factor of authorial intent and more because they doubtless thought (and most likely correctly) that a Jewish superhero would not sell, and would not reach the audiences they wanted to reach. This fic reimagines him as the same guy, but also Jewish, and observant. Glossary and explanatory notes for the Hebrew and Jewish references are at the end of the document.

Prelude: Baruch atah Adonai, mechayeh ha’meitim.

They had explained to him, of course, the science of how he was still alive, how his augmented body and the extreme low temperatures of his resting place in the Arctic had conspired to create a natural cryogenic effect, freezing his body in the state it was while preserving his life as he slept.

He understood - some of it, and he believed the rest, but still, he could not stop himself from thinking about Olam HaBa, from thinking me’ayin l’t’chiyat ha’metim min ha’Torah, thinking v’rabim m’y’sheinei admat afar yakitzu, thinking there is no reward for the righteous or punishment for the wicked in this world, only in the world to come. In many real ways, this was, after all, his world to come.

There was a matzeiva for him. It took him some digging (not literally, thank goodness) to find out about it, and it took time for SHIELD to be convinced enough of his stable mental and physical health to let him go without a babysitter, and more time for him to make his way to Brooklyn unnoticed, but there it was, in the Jewish cemetery, right beside his parents’ graves. There was no body, of course, but he knew, already, that that was not uncommon, for those who had been lost in the war. And there it was, engraved in stone:

Steven Grant Rogers, z”l שלום מתן רוג'רז ת.נ.צ.ב.ה. July 4, 1918 - 1945 כ"ז תמוז ה' תרע"ח - ה' תש"ה

Somehow, seeing his grave made all of this more real, rooted him in the reality of 2011 in a way that none of the pamphlets, books, or museum exhibits had managed to do.

May his soul be bound up in the bundle of life. Perhaps it was that traditional prayer that had come true, that had bound him to life as he lay frozen in the Arctic. The thought made him smile.

It was a simple stone, just his name and approximate dates and the typical caption, and he wondered how they had scrounged up the money to pay for it, and on whose initiative, with both his parents already gone and even Bucky already lost to him in the chill mountains. But then, that was what a Chevra Kadisha was for, wasn’t it? To give burial rites to the orphaned soldier boys, fallen a long way from home.

The air was crisp, and a little cold, this time of year, but that thought warmed him, too, to realize that even at the bottom of the Arctic, with everyone he loved already dead before him, he had been included, held close, by the holy community - to remember that he was still, after everything, a part of a holy community.

***

Read in the Google Doc (with Hebrew and Jewish terms hyperlinked to their glossary entries), or

1: Peoplehood

This had been his fight. It was his fight, it was personal in a way that most of his tussles with bullies were not. That was his response whenever Bucky gently tried to dissuade him from trying again, after being turned away from the enlistment office for the dozenth time, “Really, Stevie, they’re not going to change their mind, and there’s plenty good you can do from here, instead of trying to get sent to the front with bad lungs and a bad back and none of the common sense you shoulda been born with.” He would point out that this was his fight, and there was nothing Bucky could say to that.

Because everyone knew what it was like for Jews in Germany in the thirties and forties. (No, they did not know, how could they know, they had no idea, not by a mile, not by a hundred miles, and by the time they did, it was late, so late, and they would ask themselves, how could they not have known.) But they knew that it was bad, and getting worse, and Steve couldn’t - he couldn’t just let that stand.

So of course he was eager to fight, not just to fight but to fight for something, and this was his fight, im ein ani li, mi li? Of course he jumped at the opportunity, offered by Avraham Erskine, to be something greater than himself, to be truly able to help his people, help everyone, im ani l’atzmi, mah ani?

There was no hesitation when he heard that Bucky’s unit was taken, only the immediate need for action, and the action to match it, and im lo achshav, eimatai?

They’d been together, their Commandos, for a year before they heard about the camps - it was almost that long before anyone heard about them, and then more time until the news trickled through army base to army base, reaching them when they returned from the field.

The thing about Bucky, a thing he loved about Bucky, was that he didn’t need to say it, to ask it. He returned to the tents, his stomach still churning and his mind reeling from the unthinkable images, the nauseating reports, and Sergeant Barnes was there, explaining that he had already spoken to their men, told them that this was something the Captain needed to do, and they with him, on no general’s orders, in much the same way as he had come for them.

When he had gone on his own for the 107th, against orders, he had returned to a commendation, and carte blanche to form his own team. When he came back from this, he received a reprimand, and grudging agreement to look the other way, just this once, and a warning not to do it again.

Of course, he thought, his mask a warm and ever-present reminder of the compromise it represented, in replacing the kipa he would normally have worn.

Of course they did it again - but not as often as any of them thought they should. They still had official missions to complete, important ones, that could not, should not, be neglected. And renegade rescue missions took time to arrange, and to plan; he couldn’t in good conscience lead his men in blind, so he had to rely on what information Peggy could drip to him, on where to find the next camp they would hit and what to expect there; and he had to wait for arrangements to be ready, usually visas or a plane or once, memorably, a boat, thanks to Howard, for getting the people to safety afterward, because these were not soldiers who could simply be reabsorbed into the nearest army base, and there was no use in rescuing them only to abandon them once more to the jaws of death.

And there were so many stragglers, each time - the very old, and the very young, and those simply too sick or too weak to flee unaided. And their ragged survivors needed Steve to translate and reassure them, needed every scrap of protection they could offer, until they reached whatever escape route Stark had magicked up, so that they could not send a soldier to go back and set charges and run out of range before detonation, which meant that they could not even blow the camps up when they left.

And there were so damn many of the camps.

When Steve made his descent, months later, into the Arctic, words of Torah rising unbidden to his lips, it was with a clear conscience, and only three regrets.

First: that he had promised Peggy a dance, and never delivered on it. Not that he desperately needed that dance, but he wanted to be a man who kept his word.

Second: that day with the train and the snow and the cliff. It had haunted him every day since, constantly revisiting it, asking himself what he should have done, how he could have done things differently, done things better, how he could change the outcome, so that he could stop Bucky from falling, could save him, could be the one to fall, instead.

Third: that there were so many camps that he had not gotten to, and so many that he had not gotten to in time. That he was only one man, and, with all his strengths and limitations, he had not prevented millions of his people’s lives from being snuffed out. This thought, especially, would stay with him when he awoke.

***

2: Ritual

The year is two thousand and eleven, and Steve Rogers wraps a set of 80-year-old tefillin on his arm and forehead - the same pair that he received for his Bar Mitzvah, back in a different time.

He had mixed feelings on getting them back, when Fury and Natasha took him to unlock an old SHIELD vault so that he could sift through and reclaim those of his belongings that had not already been snapped up by museums and heritage foundations.

Part of him was relieved to find them waiting for him, because it had sentimental value and because the thought had occurred to him, incongruously, that even in this new world’s economy, they would cost a lot of money to replace.

He was impressed that it was even still usable, almost as well-preserved as he was; apparently a sealed, oiled canister was for ritual items of leather and parchment what Arctic ice was for super-soldiers. It had knocked around at the bottom of his bag throughout the war, mostly unused, because a soldier could not be expected to keep his thoughts pure from distraction in wartime, and because, most mornings, there simply was no time. It was all he could do to say Brachot as he dressed, with maybe a rushed Amida afterward, without taking the time to painstakingly wind and unwind his tefillin.

He was a little guiltily thankful for the nondescript bag, in army khaki, that held them; no complicated questions from Fury as he leaned into the vault and slung it onto his shoulder, scooping up the rest of the dregs of his former life in a second, swift motion.

Mostly, though, there was a bitter sense of recognition. Every shred of what was left of him, after his plunge into the Arctic, had been picked and squabbled over by the government, by the museums, he had had to fight even to get Bucky’s dog tags back, which rightfully should have been sent straight to his sister, but this - this lay pristine and forgotten at the bottom of a vault.

And why not? he thought bitterly. Without it, he was the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, all-American hero. And oh, he had seen and seethed at the encyclopedia articles, the exhibit captions about him, Steven Grant Rogers, born to European immigrants… “European immigrants,” when they - and he - would have been beaten up by the real Europeans for claiming the name for themselves, as though they would have abandoned their identities wilfully like that. Rogers’ father, who changed the name from the Russian Ruzhgies… and no, that wasn’t right either; it was from Yiddish, from Roiskies, but heaven forbid they say that of Captain America, better to imply a nonexistent Russian origin than to let him be a Jew.

A wave of outrage, of fury, rushed through him, that this important part of his identity had been swept under the rug for seventy years, denied, ignored, locked away like it was America’s dirty little secret.

He wondered if any of the biographers had found their way to the little matzeivah in Brooklyn, beside the stones for Sarah and Joseph Rogers, with his Hebrew name and of blessed memory, and decided to leave that detail out of their work; or if there was a book out there that revealed the truth of him; or if no one but he had ever made it that far.

The year is two thousand and eleven, and Steve Rogers wraps strands of leather around his arm that are almost as old as he is. He is Captain America, and he has always stood for America, for freedom, for the power of the individual - and he does, still - but he has always stood, too, for the holy words written in ink on the scraps of parchment contained within the little black boxes whose fraying leather straps he winds around his arm, whispering prayers to himself, and for all that they represent to him. He thinks that, maybe, it is time to share that with the world.

***

3: Homeland

The Rogers household had never emphasized any particular need to visit, or live in, the Promised Land - but then, there was no State of Israel when Steve was growing up in the twenties and thirties.

Oh, that had been a fascinating few hours of research and reading, as he supplemented his catch-up course on everything he’d slept through. Nat and Sam were great, really, at filling him in on all sorts of pop culture and scientific advancements, but they didn’t know every facet of him yet, and there were some things which if he wanted to know about them (and he did), he would have to seek them out himself.

It was his private reading project, modern Jewish and Israeli history, and in reading about Israel, Steve felt invigorated. Motivated. Filled with purpose, for the first time in so long. America didn’t need him the way it had seventy years ago; he had been relegated to being a symbol, shunted off to dance attendance on politicians in costume, like back in his USO days. Here, though, was somewhere that he could make a difference; he could do something, he could help people, he could…

...He could probably create an international incident, he realized, as the thought turned cold and soured, fracturing, perhaps permanently, the good terms of an allyship that had lasted for almost as long as he’d been frozen. And it would be the biggest Chillul Hashem, Captain America apparently defecting to fight for a foreign power; he would reinforce every nasty stereotype he’d come up against as a boy, particularly the doubt as to whether Jewish loyalties could ever be trusted.

He had chosen to become Captain America. It had fallen into his lap, a little, but he had chosen it; and he could only fight for another country if his government loaned him out, such as through the Avengers Initiative, or at least if the hearts of the American people were with him.

A visit, at least, he could manage, though by the time it came to fruition, that, too, had become another political sideshow, complete with presidential photo-op in front of the Kotel, Steve sweltering in full costume.

The president had a schedule to stick to, though, and Steve managed to stay longer, on his own, just a visitor walking the footsteps of his forefathers. Without the president glued to his side, he travelled out of costume; he wore a quiet button-down shirt and became practically invisible, and he bought - to his endless delight - a Captain America kipa. He wore it for the rest of the trip.

He visited holy sites, places of Biblical significance; he hiked in the North and dove deep, deep, deep in Eilat, because he could.

And he went to Yad VaShem, because he needed to see, needed to revisit this worst part of what he failed to fix during his war. He walked himself through the solemnity of it, through the images which were no less sickening with age, the stories that were somehow worse now that he knew the full extent of it.

But he ended his self-guided tour on a hopeful note, an uplifting note, because his feet took him to the wall dedicated to the Righteous Among the Nations, and he read through the lists and lists of names until he found a familiar set of nine names, beginning with ג’יימס “בקי” ביוחנן ברנס and continuing through all of his commandos. There, staring at a stretch of wall that notably did not list his name, was where Steve had felt the most seen in over seventy years, because whoever wrote these names here had known very well who they were and what they had done, and they had done enough research to know, for once, that שלום מתן רוג’רז had no place on a list of those “Among the Nations.”

Before he left, he quietly found a curator who both recognized who he was and was not overly impressed by him, and asked her to add one more name to that particular part of the list. Peggy’s and Howard’s roles in their unsanctioned missions had, by necessity, been kept secret, but enough time had passed, Steve thought ruefully, because he was tired of bitterness, that it wouldn’t count as treason anymore. He wondered what Sharon would think about accepting this posthumous honour on behalf of her aunt. He wondered what Tony would think, about not being called upon to accept it on behalf of his father, for the same reason that Steve had smiled not to see his own name on the list.

He left the monument to the dead he could not save, feeling if not uplifted, then at least satisfied with a job ably done, and he took himself for a run through the city, to shake off his last gloomy thoughts about the dead. He walked through David’s city all the way out to the ruins of Jehoiakim’s palace; from the Jewish Quarter to the site of an historic battle in 1948, history that he had slept through. He slowed to make his way through the shuk, buying impossibly cheap candies, dried fruits, nuts, pastries, falafel, to feed his superhuman body, as he fed his soul on the smells, the sights, the sounds of haggling and cheerful shouts - the scenes of his people, comfortable in their own skin, in their own home.

His return flight marked the first time he managed to sleep on an airplane since before he went down in the Arctic. About an hour before landing, he left his seat and joined the makeshift minyan near the back of the plane, and wrapped his eighty-year-old tefillin as he greeted a new day.

******

Glossary and explanatory notes:

zt”l - short for zecher tzadik l’vracha, “the righteous person of blessed memory” - written after the name of a very righteous deceased person. Sometimes pronounced “zatzal,” sometimes read aloud as “zecher tzadik l’vracha.”

Baruch atah Adonai, mechayeh ha’meitim. - Blessed are You, Lord, who revives the dead. From the Amida (see below), part of a longer prayer said three times a day in Jewish prayer.

Olam HaBa - The World to Come (as opposed to Olam HaZeh, This World), the term is Jewish texts for the heaven-like world that righteous people enter after death.

me’ayin l’t’chiyat ha’metim min ha’Torah - “Whence is [the source] for resurrection of the dead in the Torah?” - a quote from the Talmud, in a passage discussing Jewish beliefs about afterlife and the prayer quoted above.

v’rabim m’y’sheinei admat afar yakitzu - “and many of those who sleep in the dust of the earth will awaken” - quote from Daniel 12:2, appearing to foretell a resurrection of the dead and quoted in the Talmud as a proof-text for that idea

there is no reward for the righteous or punishment for the wicked in this world, only in the world to come. - another quote from the Talmud, reinforcing the concept of the World to Come (“Olam HaBa”) as a response to the problem of why good things happen to bad people and why bad things happen to good people.

Matzeiva - literally “pillar” in Hebrew; used to refer to a tombstone or similar memorial for the dead.

z”l - short for zichrono l’vracha, “of blessed memory” or “may his memory be for a blessing,” typically written after the name of a deceased person. Usually read aloud as “zichrono l’vracha,” sometimes pronounced as “zal.”

שלום מתן רוג'רז - Shalom Matan Rogers - written as Steve’s Hebrew name. Steve, though a common enough name in Jewish circles, has no direct Hebrew equivalent, so I got to play around with it. Shalom starts with the same letter, and I felt it was apropos for our weary super-soldier to have a name that means “Peace.” Matan is a Hebrew boys’ name that means “Gift,” so I felt it was a good equivalent to Grant. Rogers is transliterated (though see discussion of his last name below).

ת.נ.צ.ב.ה. - short for tehei nishmato tzrurah b’tzror ha’chayim, “May his soul be bound up in the bundle of life,” usually written on Jewish tombstones and occasionally in other contexts after the name of a deceased person.

כ"ז תמוז ה' תרע"ח - ה' תש"הa- 27 Tamuz, 5678 - 5705 - The Hebrew dates for Steve’s birthdate (yes, I looked up July 4, 1918 - note that the Hebrew calendar and the Gregorian calendar don’t match up, so 27 Tamuz is not the 4th of July every year; most years, Jewish!Steve would be celebrating his Hebrew and English birthdays on different days) and assumed year of death. Rather than research or guess a rough date for when he touched down in the Arctic, I decided that - probably like many people murdered in the Holocaust and soldiers who died fighting in WWII - whoever made his tombstone only put the year of death, since they didn’t have the information or resources to pinpoint the actual date of death.

May his soul be bound up in the bundle of life. - See above; Steve is reading and mentally translating this line from his tombstone.

Chevra Kadisha - Aramaic, literally “Holy community” - used to refer to the group of people, required in every shul/synagogue/Jewish community, who voluntarily see to the community’s dead. Typically this entails cleaning, dressing, and burying the body, which would not have been necessary in Steve’s case, as no body was (obviously) recovered; however, because he had no living relatives at the time of his reported death, it would also have fallen to them to take care of his tombstone and any prayers of memorial/mourning.

im ein ani li, mi li? - “If I am not for myself, who is for me?” - first third of a famous quote from Hillel (a first-century Jewish leader foundational in forming Judaism as we know it), found in the Mishna (text that is the precursor to the Talmud).

Avraham Erskine - using the Hebrew pronunciation of Abraham Erskine’s first name to emphasize the fact that it is a Jewish name, and this commonality would not be lost on Jewish!Steve

im ani l’atzmi, mah ani? - “If I am [only] for myself, what am I?” - second third of the famous quote from Hillel.

im lo achshav, eimatai? - “If not now, when?” - final third of the famous Hillel quote.

Kipa - small circular cloth head covering that observant Jewish men wear, often worn at all times. Can be worn in addition to, or substituted by, another head covering such as a hat or helmet.

words of Torah rising unbidden to his lips - this alludes to the precept, which Jewish children are taught from a young age, that one should say the first line of the Shma (an important prayer said twice daily and taken from the Torah, affirming one’s faith in a singular God and one’s connection to Jewish peoplehood) at the moment of one’s death. Although I also like to imagine that other Torah quotes would have been rising in Steve’s mind at the time, as well.

Tefillin - A Jewish ritual item, used by Jewish men over the age of thirteen. Tefillin is a plural noun, and they are often also referred to as a “set” or a “pair” of tefillin. It consists of two pieces, each with a black box of hardened leather containing pieces of parchment with specific passages from the Torah written on them, and black leather straps attached to the outside of the box. One piece is wrapped around the left arm, with the box positioned on the upper arm; the other piece loops around the head, with the box positioned on the forehead and the straps dangling down at the back of the neck. They are “wrapped” (the term commonly used for donning Tefillin) at the start of the morning prayers on a regular day, with certain blessings and verses said as one puts them on, and unwrapped at the end of the morning prayers. Tefillin are considered holy, and one is supposed to keep one’s thoughts pure and focused on prayer while wearing them (if a person needs to duck out during prayer to go to the bathroom, they must remove the Tefillin and put them back on when they return). They should also be handled respectfully, and with care, due to their holy status. Because of the requirements in making Tefillin (the leather parts must be made from the hide of a kosher animal, and the passages must be hand-written by a trained scribe, in special ink, on parchment made from the skin of a kosher animal), Tefillin are fairly expensive.

Bar Mitzvah - Aramaic, literally “a son of the commandments.” Refers to a Jewish boy’s 13th birthday (or the celebration of that birthday), at which point he becomes responsible for his own fulfilment of all the relevant commandments in Judaism. This is the age when an observant boy would receive his first set of Tefillin.

Brachot - literally, “blessings.” Used here (and commonly) to refer to Birkot HaShachar, “The Morning Blessings,” a set of blessings said at the beginning of morning prayers, and which can be said while getting dressed.

Amida - literally, “standing.” Name for an important prayer said in every Jewish prayer service (usually three times a day), so called because it is said while standing, with the feet together in one spot. (Also known as Shemonah Esrei, “Eighteen,” for the eighteen-or-so blessings that make up the core version of this prayer.)

Roiskies - I took some liberties here, because Rogers is not a common Jewish name. There is, however, a very historical trend of Jews with very Jewish-sounding names changing their names to very non-Jewish names, with a common first letter or sound, upon immigrating to the US, which is what I have to assume happened in the case of Jewish!Steve’s parents. Roskies / Roskes / Rosskies is a common enough Jewish name, and one with a close enough sound that Joseph might reasonably have changed his name from that to Rogers. Unfortunately, I have not been able to source the meaning of that name (if any Roskies know what their name means and want to help me out, I would welcome that). I added the i to make it the variant Roiskies because of my best guess as to the name’s origins - that the first part comes from the Yiddish rois, meaning pink or rose (see also: common Jewish names with that root such as Rosen, Rosenberg, and Rosenstein).

of blessed memory - see z”l above; Steve is remembering and mentally translating that text from his tombstone

Chillul Hashem - literally “Desecration of the Name [of God],” used to refer to any action that, when performed by a Jewish person, would make the Jewish God, Judaism, and/or the Jewish People as a whole look bad. Acts of Chillul Hashem are forbidden in Judaism.

the Kotel - literally “the Wall,” short for Kotel HaMa’aravi, the Western Wall (the still-standing western retaining wall around the area of the Jewish Temple that formerly stood on the Temple Mount).

a Captain America kipa - see above about what a kipa is. Captain America kipot (plural of kipa) do exist.

Yad VaShem - the Holocaust Memorial museum in Israel (its name is taken from a line in Isaiah, promising a lasting memorial for all the righteous who die without children to remember them; roughly, “yad vashem” means “a monument and a name”)

Righteous Among the Nations - a list maintained by Yad VaShem, of all the non-Jews who saved Jewish lives during the Holocaust. They give recognition to the honorees on the list (or their descendants) when new names come to light.

ג’יימס “בקי” ביוחנן ברנס - Hebrew transliteration of James “Bucky” Buchanan Barnes

Shuk - market, here referring to the popular large open market in Jerusalem.

Minyan - literally quorum, referring to a group of 10 or more Jewish men for prayer, as many prayers are only said (in Orthodox circles) when a minimum quorum of 10 men are gathered together. Can also refer to the prayer service taking place when this quorum is gathered. On flights between Israel and North America in either direction, there are usually enough Orthodox Jewish men for a makeshift minyan to gather (preferably somewhere unobtrusive) for morning and/or evening prayers at the beginning/end of the flight (depending on the times of takeoff and landing at the origin and destination locations, respectively).

[morkmywords]

Peaches |Werewolf au | Exo | Chanyeol |

Masterlist | Epilogue

Werewolf!AU

Length: 23.7k

Note: This took such a long time to finish and I’m sorry but I promise I’ll try and get some other things written now also please excuse and errors since I’m too lazy to edit this ALSO THIS WILL CRASH YOUR MOBILE APP BECUAE ITS SO FREAKING LONG

Warnings: theres mentions of fighting and blood and some mention of the devil’s tango(Sex)

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Fluff/angst

Summary: Werewolves live peacfully with the humans but not always peacefully with eachother.

The autumn sun beat down on the back of your neck as you pulled weeds from your garden, summer had ended a while ago but the sun was still hot as it washed over your fields. The Festival of Fallen Leaves was drawing nearer so you had to make sure everything was perfect because when The Festival of Fallen Leaves arrives so does the mating ritual, which means a lot of hungry wolves. You loaded up the last cartons of produce in your wagon before heading to town, the road was long but it wasn't like you hadn't done it before. You made your way through town with your head up as you greeted all the human elders and younglings you crossed paths with as you made your way to the banquet hall where all the food for the feast was being kept.

You waved to the young mother trying to grapple her children and organize the food collection all at once. “Hey Irma, how's everything going?” she gave you an exasperated groan in response as you put down your last carton full of peaches and picked up one of the two toddlers that were clinging to her legs.

“It really would be so much easier if Songho was around to help take care of these little rascals but I think we’re doing fine for now.” She said as she wrestled the other one away from the boxes.

Irma was your closest friend for as long as you remembered, she had always been your friend even when the other omegas weren't. You weren't small and fragile with long silky hair like the other omegas in the village, your arms and legs had muscle to them from your days spent working in the fields and your hair was cut you above your shoulders so it wouldn’t get in the way of your work. And the whole expectation that omegas need to rely on somebody to do basically everything for them you definitely didn't meet also helped, your mom was an alpha of the pack but your dad was a rogue so when the rest of the pack found out she was pregnant and from a rogue they exiled her, but she left you here and now you were the outcast. The toddler in your arms began to squirm out of boredom so you put him down and began to play with her until you were both giggling messes.

“You’d be a good mom you know.” Irma said as she placed the other toddler down in front of you. Irma and her husband Singho had been married for two years and already had three kids, as much as you loved the idea the thought of gaining so much responsibility in such a short period of time made you kind of uneasy. “And who knows, maybe you’ll get to be one soon after the events of tomorrow.”

“I doubt that.” You snorted, the thought of  one of the wolves from across the lake wanting to have you as a mae was utterly ridiculous. From the past festivals they had come to the village you figured out they were the same as the wolves on this side of the lake, they wanted nothing to do with you and you wanted nothing to do with them. “I’ll probably just live out the rest of my days on the farm in peace, with none of the drama that comes from wolves and their hierarchy.”

Irma sighed, you'd had this conversation many times before and your answer had been the same since the first time you could remember. “Don't get yourself too down in the dumps, even if you won't be one of their mates you can still oogle them. Werewolves have the best bodies and even humans know that.”

“You're the worst,” you groaned, Irma may be married but she still acted like a lovesick teenager. You gave her back the two now sleepy toddlers before standing back up, “ I have to go and finish up the flag that I still don't understand why I have to make a while im being forced to participate in this event I hate!! But I’ll see you tomorrow.” She giggled at your little outburst before she waved goodbye and you headed back to your farm. On your way down the main road you noticed the group of the highest ranked omegas staring at you as you pulled your wagon past. There weren't any official rankings but they were considered the best of the best, they all had top notch skills in cooking, cleaning, sewing, and being small and pretty. This was the year Chanyeol, the alpha next in line for head of pack, would be participating and everyone was sure he would pick one of them with their brightly coloured clothes of the highest quality and prettily painted faces. Chaeyoung was the omega he seemed to favour when Chanyeol had come for past festivals and they seemed like the perfect match. As much as you wanted to stay confident and keep your head up as you walked past them you didn't, so you avoided eye contact and strayed to the other side of the street while trying to stay out of the spotlight. You didn't really mind if the wolves didn't like you since most of the humans were pretty nice to you, once you got out of the center of the small town you let your shoulders relax as you made your way back along the dirt road to the small farmhouse you called your home.

Your wagon rattled across the bridge that ran over the river that separates your land from the main road and your neighbour’s property, the sun had set by the time you walked back to your front porch and you were just ready to sleep. You opened the curtains and peered out the window as you heard the sound of paws crunching on the dirt road, a pack of wolves were walking down the road and you could see their glowing eyes from where you were standing leaning halfways out your window. Your hand slipped from the windowsill and you let out a muffled scream as your stomach hit the edge of the window, you felt a blush from embarrassment rise to your cheeks as you pulled yourself back up and saw most of the wolves turn to face you. They were obviously from across the lake as their wolf forms were the larger more muscular ones of alphas and betas compared to the smaller stature of omegas. You ducked back into your house after shutting the curtain in a flurry of movement and flopped on your bed while trying to calm your racing heart. Once your breathing returned to normal you rolled off the side of your bed and began rummaging in your trunk for the supplies you needed to complete the banner. The banner was one of the reasons you hated the festival so much, the omegas were supposed to create a banner to be displayed and judged to see who’s was the best, it was the only competition out of all the competitions designed to show of your omeganess that was mandatory to enter and you hated it the most. Some omegas spent months planning out and designing theirs unlike you who had left it till the night before, you finally finished it and crashed onto your bed to sleep for a few hours until sunrise when you would have to get to work again.

When you got up the next morning you could feel the excitement of everyone in town at the arrival of all the wolves last night even though you didn’t actually see anyone. You dragged your heavy legs out of bed and threw your work clothes on before heading out to the fields behind you house, the other omegas in the town would be putting on layers of makeup and their best silks in an attempt to look their best in preparation for the later festivities. Once you were finished with your daily chores you went inside and do your best to get ready, unlike the traditional silks that the other wolves would be wearing that were brightly coloured and decorated with crystals and other beads made of various gems yours were a mixture of blue and yellow colours with a simple pattern on the outer layer but otherwise no decorations. You added a bit of colour to your cheeks and lips before struggling with your hair, you tried your best to braid it back and away from your face but you were helpless. You let out a groan as your fifth attempt of a braid got tangled and fell apart, you banged your wrist on the vanity as you threw your arms down in anger. You winced as you held your tender wrist and got a glimpse at the clock, you shot up from your seat and rushed to the door since you had to be there in ten minutes. You shoved your banner in your bag before wedging your feet into the dainty slippers that were part of your whole getup before running out the door and down the road.

----

You were panting by the time you handed your banner to the village elder that was organizing them and the bottom of your skirt was covered in a thin layer of dust. All the wolves were in their fine clothing, covered in jewelry and expertly done hair and makeup while you looked like you'd just rolled out of a barn, it was a bit embarrassing as the wolves around you all stared at your unique appearance. You walked away as quickly as you could in search of someone you knew to distract you from the stares, you were walking past the display of professionally crafted blankets and other weavings when you heard a few alphas and betas talking.

“Are you sure she’s an omega, she looks quiet….. Robust,” one whispered to his friend.

From the corner of your eye you saw one of the friends let out an amused huff. “I’d hate to be the unlucky idiot that ends up with her.”

“Even if she was the only wolf left in the forest I wouldn't be her mate.” one added and they all nodded in agreement. Your eyes travelled to the ground and you felt the flush of embarrassment rise to your cheeks as you rushed past them while holding your sore wrist against you body, you were jittery around the festival until you found Irma and her husband. The festival was filled with different competitions and activities, there were cooking, sewing, dancing, singing, and art competitions which were basically just an omega talent show. There were also various sports competition and strength competitions for the alphas, betas, and humans to participate in, of course you chose not to take part in anything that wasn't mandatory and would preferably be back home sleeping some more. The omega focused events were all happening today to show off before the mating ritual and the other events would follow in the weeks after, and the painting exhibit was where you finally found Irma.

“You look like death,” Irma commented on your appearance as you walked over to her, “Did you get eaten and spit out again by one of those chickens you have in your backyard?”

You sighed and leaned your head against her shoulder letting your eyes drift closed. “I stayed up till about an hour before dawn trying to finish that stupid banner.”

“Did you finish it?”

You yawned and nodded still keeping your eyes closed

“Sometimes I’m glad I’m not a wolf with all your weird customs but I do have to admit this one is kind of romantic.” she sighed.

You snorted while opening your eyes and standing back up.“Romantic my butt……” you paused and yawned again before continuing on, “By the way, where are the kids?” you asked her as she guided you to a bench.

“Songho offered to take them for the day.” you saw her evil smirk as you both sat down on the bench.

“Stupid man, you're never going to see him again.” you said and closed your eyes once again, you felt her shrug in agreement beside you. You both stayed seated at the bench for a while just chatting about this and that before you eventually got up and made your way through the various exhibits, there was nothing extremely special about any of the winning items but you looked nonetheless. You were sifting through the endless poems that seemed to all be about love or nature when your stomach let out an unusually loud growl.

“Did you forget to eat lunch again?” Irma teased as she placed her hands on her hip playfully. You nodded your head and a pained expression set up shop on your face as the emptiness of your stomach caught up with you. “Let’s go.” She grabbed your hand and dragged you through the crowds to the hall where all the food was before she wedged some sort of meat sandwich in your hand. You practically inhaled the first sandwich as you listened to her chatter about the minor issues in her life, your mood definitely lifted when you had food in you as you happily munched away. You were halfway through your third sandwich when some younger girls made their way past chatting.

“We wouldn’t be so late if you hadn’t been filling your guts with pastries.” The taller one hissed at the girl by her side.

The smaller girl’s eyes grew wide in panic and an embarrassed blush coloured her cheeks.”We still have two minutes before it starts.” She stuttered.

“But we’ll still be late to the banner contest if you don’t pick up the pace.”

You choked on the piece of bread that was in your mouth when you heard the word ‘banner’, you knew the hall seemed oddly empty of people and you quickly glanced at the clock on the wall before grabbing Irma’s hand and breaking into a run for the town square. You sprinted past the two girls from before with Irma in tow who was utterly confused until she saw the crowd surrounding the stage that had been put up and had all the banners hanging from the back. You dropped Irma’s hand and began slipping through the crowd and not so gracefully slipping under the rope to join the crowd of omegas whose work was going to be displayed. The crowd of both male and female omegas were glaring at you while you tried to stand up after you tripped on the hem of your own dress and landed with a muffled screech. Thankfully you didn’t draw anyone else’s attention and on any other the crowd of glaring omegas would be enough to make you want to throw up but in your sleep deprived state you didn’t even notice them and just waited for the presentation to begin already knowing yours would be dead last.

“And in first place, Kim Chaeyoung!” The announcer exclaimed not to your surprise but the crowd went wild. Her banner was more like a tapestry you would hang in a castle, it was embroidered with a mountain that slowly bled into the forest and lake where you lived, beads and sparkling gemstones were sewn on to look like the orange hues of fall leaves and right smack dab in the Center there were two figures that were obviously meant to be her and Chanyeol in wolf form, his massive wolf with a dark brown almost black coat and her with her soft dappled grey fur. Your eyes followed her like most of the other jealous omegas as she went up on stage to recover her reward, you may have been completely out of it but you didn’t miss the disgusted glare she gave you when she caught you looking. Only the top three participants revived rewards and were called up on stage and unsurprisingly it was two of Chaeyoung’s followers who got second and third, the current head alpha and his mate were the ones to rank the banners and even though it was supposed to be based on quality alone there was obviously some favouritism at work when you saw their pleased smiles. After that the banners were shown in ranking from highest to lowest but no names were called although it was still painfully obvious who’s was whose, they kept going until there was only one left. Yours palled in comparison to all the other with their fancy decorations and high level skill, yours was a plain cream coloured piece of fabric to which you had embroidered a few leaves and a cluster of peach blossoms onto one corner. There were no beads or gems, there were no bright colours or artistically sewn images, it was just plain and simply showed off who you were. You still flushed red when you saw the knowing glances fall to you and you wanted to shrink back into your cocoon of a dress until everybody left but unfortunately you couldn’t do that as now it was time for the feast.

——

The eating part was the easy part since your stomach was an endless pit but now the eating was over and it was time for the hard part. You hated the traditional dances but you still attended the rehearsals that taught you how to do it, the basic idea of it was to dance past the alphas and betas who would be taking part in the ritual so they could scent you you thought but really didn’t know. It sounded simple enough but it was a lot more nerve racking, the entire of the human village and werewolf pack would be watching you as you danced as if you didn’t get stared at enough and aside from that the actual dance you had to do wasn’t choreographed. The dance was usually passed down from a mother to a daughter and the dance was unique to each family but you were completely on your own since the only thing that was choreographed was the order you would go in which was the same as the banners were ranked which meant you had to go last. Your palms were already sweating as Chaeyoung began her dance flowing smoothly across the space and stopping to linger in front of an alpha or beta she seemed to like, this year there were only three betas and two alphas that were participating. On the other hand omegas had found every loophole possible to try and participate because the next head alpha would be participating. Although you didn't realize, soon there were five omegas left before it was your turn, then it was four, three, two, and suddenly it was your turn to go. The musicians kept a steady beat as you began trying your best to dance on wobbly legs, you were so tired it hardly seemed real as you moved across the open space. At this point in time you were so exhausted you really didn't care anymore, you kept your eyes on the ground and did your best to copy the moves you'd seen at previous rituals in an attempt to move gracefully. Your legs wobbled here and there and sometimes your feet got tangled or your steps faltered but you were still definitely the fastest to do it. You paid no attention to the jibes the others threw at you as you joined the group of other omegas who had already finished their dances, you just wanted the festival to be over so you could go home and sleep but it was far from over. Now it was time to go to the edge of the forest because the mating ritual was about to start, Irma caught your eye just as you were about to leave and gave you a huge thumbs up to which you replied back with a huge thumbs down. You were led to the edge of the forest by the head alpha’s mate before he started explaining the rules as if you already didn't know them.

“You’ll be released into the forest in the same order as the dance, with the first place in this case Chaeyoung having two hours to find her place and after another omega will be released every five minutes until the last one is released who has only one hour to find their place. Once the alphas and betas are released if they want to mate with you they will mark their territory and proceed, tomorrow morning the omegas will meet back here and the ones who have been mated with will get ready for the ceremony while the others go back. During the ceremony if you are mated your mate will choose your banner which announces it to the pack that they are your mate and the vows will be exchanged. Everyone understand?” the head omega asked and everyone nodded, as if he hadn't learned about this from the time they were old enough to speak. “Well if everyone is prepared Chaeyoung will start.”

At his signal Chaeyoung took off into the forest to find her hiding spot, the others were buzzing with excitement but you being the last would have to wait an hour before you could go. Eventually omegas left the group and headed into the forest nervous and excited all at the same time, you waited through every departure until it was finally your turn to go. As soon as you stepped foot in the forest you heard a rumble of thunder and the rain began pouring, your plan was to head through the forest to the river where you could then cross it and hideaway in your house before returning the next morning without anyone ever knowing but now that it was raining it might but a halt to your plan. You only had an hour before the alphas and betas were released so you had to move quickly, your senses were not nearly as strong as they were when you were in your wolf form but it was still stronger than humans so you used them to steer clear of any of the other omegas which you could smell of hear but most would be crowded around where the alphas and betas would be released and not this far into the forest. Once you deemed yourself far enough away you stripped out of your silks and placed them in your bag before changing into your wolf form which made it much easier to navigate the dense forest, the rain was still pouring and lightning struck a few times but you continued on. You heard the river before you saw it but when you did see it all your fears came true, the river was more than double its usual size and running at least three times as fast making it impossible to cross even in wolf form. You were dumbfounded as to how it rose so quickly and you stayed there in utter shock for a few minutes before a clap of thunder broke you out of your thoughts. You would have to stay in the forest until the water calmed down which meant all night, the rain probably washed away most of your tracks and scent but you still didn't want to draw any attention to yourself.You only had about ten minutes left until the alphas and betas were released so you had to be fast, you trotted through the forest in the surrounding area looking for a place you could stay when your eyes caught on a rocky outcropping the resembled a cave. You ran over there and tucked yourself under the stone roff thankful to get out of the rain but unthankful you had to spend the night in this damned forest, you put your bag down in a far corner before scanning the area for signs of anybody else. You stayed there for a while scanning your surrounding until you deemed it safe and tried to sleep but the anxiety of being in the forest and the pouring rain kept you awake, it was like all the exhaustion from earlier in the day had disappeared and you were wide awake. A little while later the rain had stopped pouring so hard and you decided it was time to investigate since all the other wolves were…..preoccupied. You cautiously stepped out from under the protection of the rock and explored the small clearing to the left of the cliff, the heavy rain had created a small stream of running water in a divet of land. You bent down closer to get a closer look at the miniature river when you heard a small croak and looked up to see a little brown frog staring at you from a rock that was about a foot in your face. You observed the small creature out of curiosity and it seemed to do the same, you were about to lean closer when there was a rustle in the bushes behind you and his hopped away. You whipped around and straightened your legs as you saw the familiar yellow eyes and large body of a werewolf come into view, you stood frozen as it lifted its leg and marked the territory without ever taking its eyes off of you.

‘You shouldn’t do that.’ Your panic got the best of you as the wolf began advancing towards you. The wolf was almost twice the size of you with dark brown almost black fur and glowing yellow eyes, it must have been an alpha and you could tell from its scent that it was a male.

‘I don’t think you are in any position to be telling me what I can and cannot do.’ It growled back as it stalked closer and closer to where you were.

You were no longer frozen in shock and again,out of instinct, you began to move backwards which only seemed to make the alpha angrier.

‘Don’t.’ He growled again but you didn’t listen and instead made a break for it trying to swing in a wide arc around him. You thought you were going to get away until your body was slammed onto the ground with the alpha pinning you down, an unreadable look in his eyes.

‘You can’t- I can’t- you- I can’t be your m-m-mate I’m not-‘ You tried to make excuses as you stifled helplessly underneath the much larger animal, even though you had some hard earned muscle it did nothing against him as your cries seemed to go through one ear and out the other. Just when you were about to give up you caught him off guard and pushed one of his legs off balance before slipping out from under him and trying to make another escape. You barely got three steps before you were pinned to the ground again, alpha boiling with rage above you.

You began to struggle again but he cut you off with a low growl. ‘Mine.’

You let your body fall limp underneath him knowing there was no way you could escape this.

——

You woke up at dawn out of habit and your entire body was sore, the left side of your neck especially. You ignored the aching of your muscles and sat up letting the blood rush to your head and the memories of last night with it. You turned your head to see the sleeping face of Chanyeol staring up at the sky and you began to panic, it would have been bad enough if any wolf mated with you but Chanyeol being the next head alpha was one thousand times worse. You sprung into action changing back into your wolf form before grabbing your bag from underneath the small overhang and booking it to the river. You splashed through the river not caring if it was safe of not and bounding out of the trees and into your orchard, once you were safely behind the various fruit trees you changed back and threw on your silks. You tentatively reached a hand up to your sore neck and let out a hiss as it stung when you touched it, you tore out the small mirror in your bag and sure enough Chanyeol had bit your neck and marked you as his mate.

You paced up and down the rows of trees trying to figure out what to do, you couldn’t be his mate ever, it was unheard of and you surely would get banished from the pack just like your own mother, you had to pretend like nothing happened because there was no other way. You gathered your skirts and readjusted your top to cover the red and purple mark bite mark on your shoulder before heading to the meeting spot.

“You’re the last one, where have you been!” The omega in charge called out and you tripped over your long skirts as you hurried over to where the rest of the omegas were gathered.

“I’m sorry, I got lost and had t-to take the long way.” You mumbled but got no response, confused you looked up to see everyone staring at…… your left shoulder. When the realization hit you your hands flew up to check your neckline and sure enough your neckline had slipped down to reveal the mark.

Once everyone got over the initial shock you were put in a group with the four other omegas that had been mated and were marched to the village while the others were dismissed.

“Who in their right mind would mate with her?” One of the other omegas in the group of five seethed. Your cheeks turned bright red and you hung your head at her words while she just snickered. Chaeyoung and one of her minions were mated with and were walking in the front while there was one of the others walking behind them and a boy who looked as soft as a marshmallow walked beside you.

“Don’t listen to her, she’s just upset because her mate is a beta. You raised your eyebrows at the boy who was at least a foot taller than you with hair the colour of a cloud.

“How do you know that?” You were confused by the boy who was talking to you but more curious about what he said.

“I saw them together as I was walking out and I’m scared for life.” He whispered.

You both were pretty sure she heard because of the glare she sent back over her shoulder, even so you both giggled at the statement while you continued your treck to the town. “I’m Jongin.” He said with a smile that would melt anyone’s heart. “Let’s be friends because you seem really nice even if people say bad things about you.”

You looked over at the smiling boy and you didn’t sense any ulterior motives coming from him. “Ok Jongin, let’s be friends.”

——

Once you arrived in the village you were all sent to different huts where pack elders were waiting for you. You were first stripped of your clothes then put in a hot bath where you were scrubbed from head to toes as if you couldn’t clean yourself with various soaps and scrubs that left you smelling like some sort of fancy flower. Next you were placed in a dressing room where you were outfitted with traditional robe that was probably more expensive than everything you owned altogether, you were sat down in front of a mirror where they did their best with the little hair you had and painted your face with makeup you had never even seen before. The sun was beginning to go down by the time they were done and you were exhausted, they put you in front of a large mirror to make sure you were happy with it and all you could do was nod. You could hardly recognize yourself as you stared in the mirror, other than your hair you looked completely different with the layers of makeup and fancy clothes but you didn’t want to be rude so you hid the discomfort you felt and quietly thanked them. You were led into a larger hut with all the other omegas who were participating in the ceremony, you were definitely the least extravagantly dressed but it’s not like it was unusual. The others were in traditional dress that was specified for their families, and many had family heirlooms which could be a hairpin to a belt but were always beautiful and covered in glittering gemstones. Jongin chatted idly beside you like some of the others in your room but you weren't really paying attention because you were too focused on your racing mind and pounding heart. You had seen this ceremony so many times in the years before now but you never actually thought you would be the one participating in it, when the whole process was explained multiple times you barely listened. Finally it was time to leave and the veils were placed over everyone's head before they were led out into the field where the ceremony would be taking place. Through the thin fabric that covered your eyes you could see the alphas and betas lining up parallel to the line of omegas you were standing in and the speeches began.

After what seemed like endless people speaking the alphas and betas were called one by one to claim their mate, the omegas beside you were claimed one by one until it was only you and Chaeyoung left. The name of the other alpha was about to be called when the head alpha was interrupted, you missed what was said but your eyes shot up to see Chanyeol looking back at you with a garbage eating smirk. He walked forward staying right in between you and the omega beside you until he stopped two feet in front of you two.  Everyone held their breath in anticipation to see which omega he was going to pick and even more anxious for who was under the veil. He seemed to be charged by the tense atmosphere and his smirk on grew as he took a step and stopped in front of you before gently lifting your banner from your hands and unwrapping the cloth covering it. You heard multiple noises of shock when the crowd recognized the plain cream backing with a few small peach blossoms in the corner, your heart was beating so fast you thought it might stop. He leaned forward to lift the veil from your face as the crowd prayed it wasn't true but when the summer sun washed over you it was clear their worst dreams had come true. As you blinked back the sunlight he leaned even closer to you and in the ruse of placing a kiss on your cheek he whispered, “It was incredibly rude for you to run away this morning Peaches.” He stood back up and you could already feel how red your cheeks were getting as you followed him you to the platform where the head alpha and the head of the human village were standing. By the time you had reached the proper positions everyone had seemed to have gotten over themselves enough to continue on so both men cleared their throats and began. You stumbled through the vows while Chanyeol was the picture of calm enunciating every word perfectly, almost slowly and when the time came to complete the ceremony with the wine you were more nervous than ever.  First he took a sip then offered the cup to you which you took with shaking hands and did your best to sip the strong liquid but when you thought nothing worse could happen you inhaled some of the liquid which made you let out a cough embarrassing you even more. The next ceremony continued with almost nothing going as wrong as yours but you could hardly pay attention to anything.

----

The feast was in full swing with people dancing around and singing drunk on the exceptionally strong wine they were serving, while others were gouging themselves on the endless tables of food. You were sitting on a cushion next to Irma by the farthest table while watching her children dance around with hands full of different sweets.

“I still cant believe youre letting them have so much sugar.” You laughed as her son shoved a cream puff into his small mouth and smearing the cream all over his nose.

She sighed and filled her cup with some more wine before downing it in one gulp which you giggled at. “It’s a celebration therefore it’s Songho’s responsibility. And I still can't believe that the next head alpha is your mate.”

“Dont remind me.” you muttered and reached for the pitcher of wine and filled up your cup, but before you could take a sip Irma knocked it out of your hand. “WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!” you exclaimed.

“Don't forget that now you're his mate you could possibly have a mini you swimming around somewhere in there.” she poked at your stomach. Your heart dropped, you hadn't even considered that possibility and you started panicking, you couldn't have his baby inside your stomach, that would just make everything worse. “Don’t freak out too much, there’s hardly a chance you would get pregnant after only one time. It took at least five for me to get pregnant with my first daughter.” Irma said as she wrapped her arm around your shoulder and tried to comfort you.

“I really didn’t need to know that much but thanks for telling me I guess.” you said as she dropped her arm off your shoulder and reached for a roll off the center of the table.

“Now go find your big strong alpha.” she said before taking a bite out of the bread and shoving you up from your seat. You laughed and made your way back to where you remembered sitting a few minutes before, stopping to wipe the cream off her sons face before whispering goodluck to Songho and continuing on your way. You skirted the outer edges of the tables in an attempt to avoid the drunken crowd who was dancing around the bonfire in the center. You dodged through small groups of people who were stumbling around and ducked behind a tent where food was set up. You turned the corner and walked around the back of the tent to where you remembered the table you left a few minutes ago, you rounded the last corner you stopped in your tracks.

Your jaw dropped to the floor when you saw Chaeyoung dropping herself across Chanyeol’s lap and presses kisses into his neck. In a rustle of many layers of fabric rubbing together you turned and headed back behind the tent and into the maze of huts that surrounded the town square. You moved as fast as you could with all your finery but you only got a few small huts down before you were stopped by a hand on your arm. You were spun around and came face to face with your mate. You were surprised he left the omega who he was so happily chatting with just a few moments before to stop you.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He demanded without releasing his hold on you arm.

“Leaving.” You grunted as you wrenched you arm from his grasp. “What’s it to you anyways? You seemed perfectly happy with your little friend back there.”

The look in his eyes darkened into something frightening as you finished talking. “And how do you know she was my ‘little friend’?” He spit out.

“Well it didn’t seem like you were making any objection to her little show for you.” You didn’t know why you were angry you just knew you were.

“How are her actions my fault!?”

“Well you weren’t doing anything to stop them, in fact, you seemed to be enjoying it!”

“Why are you so oblivious?!” He growled, “Everything with you is always poor me, poor me. You’re so selfish you can’t think of anyone but yourself! You always go around wallowing in your own sadness about how hard your life is and you’ve never cared about anything else.” He was breathing hard now and his eyes seemed to darken even more. “At least you could be yourself, I’ve had to life a life of perfection since I was a child without even a chance to mess up!”

Your breath hitched in your throat “Is that all I am to you? You’re one big mess up!” You exclaimed, throwing your hands into the air, “I’m just a pawn in your stupid game and you thought I was selfish! Maybe I do wallow in my own sadness but it’s your and the others fault I’m an outcast to begin with! Maybe you lived a strict lifestyle but it sure is a hell of a lot better than being abandoned as a baby then shunned by the people who were supposed to be like your family!” You were screaming at this point, not caring about the look in his eyes or anyone who was around to hear.

“You’re ruining everything for me, be quiet!” He hissed as he took a few steps closer which you matched with a few steps back.

“I was perfectly fine with marrying a human if I ever got married at all but then you had to come along and now it really is you who ruined everything for me.” You could feel the warmth of tears on your cheeks and the crack in your voice from a dry throat as you struggled to take a breath. You turned away from him and fled back to your little farm which seemed to be your only safe place now. You didn’t pick up on any footsteps behind you but you ran anyways as your many layers caught and ripped on things and your breath turned ragged. You were almost to your house as sons racked your whole body and suddenly you couldn’t go inside, you wanted to forget about this whole thing and you couldn’t go inside because you knew the supplies for the banner were still strewn about on your bed.

You had barely slept in three days and the exhaustion was really catching you this time as your stumbles down the river bank, your vision swam as you took a step into the water. You didn’t care that it was freezing cold or that it was ruining your fancy garments as if they hadn’t been ruined enough already, you walked deeper as more tears began rolling down your cheeks. You wanted the cold mountain water to wash away the memories of the past few days as you stopped an crouched down so the water came to just above your elbows. You wanted the river to wash you away but you didn’t have the strength to do anything but sit there in the chilly water and cry, your emotions seemed to be coming just as fast as the water was rushing.

——

“Check by the river!” Songho called from his seat at the table that the rest of his family was currently sleeping on.

Chanyeol’s sharp eyes trained on the person who was speaking to him. “What?” He asked confused as why a villager just blurted out a random piece of information at him.

“You’re looking for Y/n right?” Songho asked the alpha who had stopped his frantic search of the crowd. He took the silence he got as confirmation. “She lives on the farthest farm by the river, she probably decided to head home.”

“That’s her house?”

“Mm, she’s lived there her whole life, best peaches around.” Songho answered before he was interrupted by his half asleep wife rolling on top of him and their pile of kids following. When he finally looked back up the worried alpha was gone.

——

You felt warm arms against you as they lifted you from the water. You snuggled into the warm chest behind you for the brief moments you were conscious before you passed out again to the rhythm of the running water.

—-

You woke up to your throat feeling like sandpaper and your lips cracked and dry, your limbs felt stiff as you tried to shift on the bed your recognized as your own.

“Y/n?” Somebody called out. You heard a shuffling in the next room over before Irma popped her head into the room. “You are awake!” She exclaimed before scurrying over to you with a large glass of water in her hands.

“Thank you.” You croaked before grabbing the glass of water from her and drinking it entire contents. You let out a heavy sigh as you finished drinking and handing the glass back to her, you tried to push yourself further up into a sitting position but your vision began to swim.

“Take it easy there.” Irma warned as she snaked her arm around your back and helped you up, placing more pillows around you as she went. “You’ve been asleep for so long I would be careful.”

“Exactly how long have I been asleep?” You questioned, you remembered what happened before you passed out but nothing else.

“I think it’s been about two weeks now?”

“WHAT?!” You exclaimed while shooting up from the bed but quickly falling back as the dizziness came back.

“Calm down,” Irma said, “I’ll tell you but first you need food because your stomach sounds like a thunderstorm.”

You felt the pink in your cheeks as she disappeared back into the kitchen and began crashing around again. You peered out the window to your right across the orchard outside of your home, winter was already just around the corner as the sun hid behind clouds and the cool winds ripped the falling leaves off their branches. It seemed like only a few days ago you were out in the fields at the beginning of harvest season but now it was almost winter and you were going to be forced to leave your farm for what would most likely be the rest of your life. At that moment Irma decided to barge back into your room with a giant bowl of stew in her hands  she made your way back over to your bed before climbing in next to you and attempting to hand you the giant bowl.

“Earth to Y/n?” She said before jostling you with her elbow and bring you back to reality.

“I have something to ask you,” you started but we’re cut off by Irma shoving the bowl into your face.

“Eat first and I’ll explain, then you can ask questions.” She demanded. You reluctantly took the bowl and took a small bite before starting to shovel it into your mouth at a speed you didn’t think you were capable of, you had forgotten how good of a cook Irma was. “Slow down there sport,” she laughed at your frantic eating, “You’re not going to able to hear me speak!” She teased.

Eventually you slowed down enough for her to explain though you still ate at an unnaturally fast speed.

“Well I guess I should start from the beginning of it even counts as the beginning,” Irma said, “Chanyeol was wandering around the feast like a lost puppy until he bumped into Songho, we may or may not have seen you run off earlier and were kind of worried. Anyways, Songho told him to go look by the river and he took of so fast it was like he wasn’t even there in the first place.” You finished your food and we’re just listening quietly at this point while she explained everything. “The next morning I decided to go check and see if you made it home alright and I almost got run over by your mate who was running back to the village. He told me you weren’t conscious and had a fever so he was going to get a doctor and I’ve been here taking care of you since. There was one point where we were scared you weren’t going to make it because you weren’t sick anymore but you weren’t conscious, the doctor said it was your wolf senses reacting to shock. I’m just glad you’re okay.” She finished.

“So what day is it today?” you asked her as you laid your head on her shoulder and huddled back under the blankets.

“Friday.” “So I’ve actually been asleep for almost three weeks?” “I guess…” you laughed at the way Irma was subtly trying to avoid your question and ended up poking her in the stomach which launched a full out tickle war. There were limbs flying and the sound of your laughter was filling the entire house as you two tumbled over each other with wiggling fingers. In that moment you forgot about everything that was changing in your life and you were back with your best friend just having fun until Irma brought up the festival again.

“You’ve missed most of the games but there's still the Kickball tournament before you leave, the first game if tomorrow and I'm pretty sure your mate is playing. Don’t you want to see him all shiny from the sweat, and his muscles-” you quickly cut her off by slapping a hand over her mouth, you let out a groan of disgust as you felt her lick your palm.

“Don’t remind me about leaving.” You muttered as you crawled back under a pile of blankets. “I just want to stay her forever.”

Irma sighed and was about to say something before there was a sharp knock at the door, you made no move to stand up so Irma was making her way to the door when you let out a frantic whisper. “Don’t tell him I’m awake.”

After a confused look you returned to your blanket cave and sure enough when she opened the door you heard a familiar voice.

“Did Y/n wake up?” Chanyeol asked, he sounded out of breath and his voice was tinged with worry which only made you wonder about what he was doing before.

“She did and we talked for a while but she just fell asleep again and i think it’s best if we dont disturb her.” Irma said calmly.

You heard a loud sigh. “That’s good.” Chanyeol sounded much more relaxed now though you didn't know why. “She’s alright though?” He asked after a slightly awkward pause. What followed was some more conversation and you heard a doctor being mentioned a few times before goodbyes were exchanged and the door was shut again. You felt the bed dip with Irma’s weight as she perched on the bed beside you.

“You might want to put on some clothes since Chanyeol said the doctor would be here soon.” She whispered. It took a few minutes of mumbling and grumbling before you finally gave in and got up.

----

“So doc, is she dying?” Irma asked from beside you. The doctor let out a low chuckles as he placed his equipment back into his bag.

“No, she’ll be perfectly fine if she takes it easy for the next fe days.” He explained as he continued packing away the various bottles and tools.

You fidgeted nervously underneath the blankets unsure of whether to ask your question or not. “So, what was wrong with me?” You finally blurted out.

He paused to scratch his head and he seemed to be thinking of what to say. “Well, It’s most likely from shock. I don’t really know the way werewolves bodies well enough to determine the exact cause but from what experience i do have I believe it was shock mixed with the fact you hadn't been eating or sleeping in the few days beforehand. There may also be a slight chance your pregnant but i wouldn’t be too worried about that.” He paused to did around in his bag a bit  as you went over what he said. “Now i want you to take one of these a day until they run out, just to get your body back on track.” He explained as he handed you a bottle of what looked like vitamins. “They’ll help with your sleeping habits as well as get rid of nausea and headaches.”

You two bid the doctor farewell before he left again and you went back to reading the label on the bottle he gave you.

“So you can go out and have fun now but instead you choose to read a medicine bottle?” Irma sked when you refused to get up.

“You can go, I’ll be fine on my own. I’m just not feeling like going out.” You said. It was true that you were tired and didn’t really feel like going out but it was mostly due to the fact that you didn’t want to see your mate. In the bottom of your stomach there was a pool of guilt, you felt bad about what happened between you and just the idea of being around him just made you nervous.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” Irma asked.

“Yes, now go have fun!” You were thankful that she was worried about you and it warmed your heart but you couldn't make her stay here with you so you ushered her out the door from your spot at the bed.

----

Somehow it was four days later and you were at the games. Irma had finally managed to drag you out of the house saying that she needed your help to take care of the kids but you two ended up at the large playing field and your plans of avoiding Chanyeol were slowly slipping away. It was an uncharacteristically sunny day for winter which was creeping closer and closer, you were standing at the side with Irma and Songho each holding a squirming child.

“We should go find seats.” Songho managed to mutter as he tried to keep the toddler that was using him as a jungle gym still. You both nodded and began to make your way to the stands which were already full of people, you still had an hour till the final game started but people were already filling up the stands with screaming and cheering. You were beginning to get nervous as humans and wolves alike began recognizing you and you felt their eyes following you, thankfully Irma and Songho chose a few seats that were far enough away from the main crowd that nobody even noticed you tucked away in the corner.

----

A cheer erupted in the crowd as the players burst onto the field, you thought you were going to go deaf from the noise and it was magnified by your wolf senses. Horns were blowing and people were cheering as both teams got into their positions, you caught a glimpse of Chanyeol in a serious discussion with his teammates before breaking and heading to their respective positions. The whistle blew, the ball was dropped, and the game was underway. Both teams were amazing and you thought you would get whiplash from how the ball flew from one end of the field to the next, unhindered by the strong winds that seemed to pick up speed as time went on. Goals were scored from both teams and you couldn't tell who was who from volume of dirt and mud that were covering all the team uniforms, Irma left earlier with her youngest and now it was just you, Songho, and the two toddlers.

Suddenly the wind picked up and thunder rumbled across the sky, a large raindrop hit you square between your eyes followed by another, then another, and soon it was pouring rain. The wind was whipping the hair into your eyes as you stood up, it had only been raining for a few minutes and you could already feel the water soaking through your clothes. The whistle blew and the referees called the game to a stop. The weather conditions continued to worsen in the next few minutes and Songho gave you a nod signalling he new you needed to head home and make sure everything was alright back at the farm. You pushed through the crowds of people who were trying together their things to protect from the rain as you raced back home. Your equipment wasn't put away and you shutters were not closed so your windows could blow in and get everything ruined, you sprinted through the huts until you got to the main road. Raindrops were already dripping off of you so splashing through puddle and getting your pant legs all dirty wasn't really your main concern. You had never really been athletic so you did your best to keep running even if you fell a few times and got all battered up.

You burst into the farmyard with new found energy as you began to pick up your scattered tools and locking them in the shed while trying not to be blown over by the strong gusts of wind. Once you were sure everything was locked away tight you ran around your house and strapped all the shutters shut as best you could with your limited vision. The wind was howling and lightning was striking by the time you finally bolted your door shut behind you, your boots made an uncomfortable squelching noise as you padded over to a chair before pulling them off, followed by your equally as soaked socks. You quickly shedded  your soaking wet clothing for a more favourable outfit of your warmest nightdress, warmest sweater, and a pair of soft leggings in an attempt to bring some heat back to your body.

Just as you were about to curl up on your bed there was a loud pounding on your door, you stayed still, frozen in place. You thought it might just be the thunder but then there was another harder knock, at this point you were close to panicking as you slowly picked up a pan from your dish rack. You crept up to the door with your pan poised and ready to attack at the first sign of danger, you took a deep breath before slowly twisting to handle before the door was thrown open by the wind. Standing out on your small porch in the pouring rain and howling wind with his fist poised to knock again was your mate, Chanyeol.

The pan fell from your hand as it went limp at your side, the loud crash it made seemed to break both of you out of the trance you were in. You reached out and grabbed his arm yanking him inside with an unnecessary amount of force before pushing the door shut and latching it again. He opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off.

“Just stay here.” you told the dripping man before your shuffled back to your closet and started digging around, it felt like the piles of clothes had eaten you before you finally found what you were looking for with an exclamation of joy. You grabbed the pile in one of your arms and headed back to where the alpha was waiting for you expectantly, without a word you signalled for him to follow you with your free arm and headed to your tiny bathroom. He took a step inside before you threw the budle in your arms at him.

“What are these?” He asked as he began sifting through the pile.

“Clothes you idiot, if you don’t want to get sick you’ll change.” You sighed, he looked like he was about to say something more as he sniffed one of the shirts but you beat him to it. “There are towels in the cupboard.” Without another word you closed the door and  walked back to the kitchen.

----

When Chanyeol wandered back into the kitchen you had already set out a dish of warm food for him as well as more blankets than you could ever need already set onto your bed. Without needing any instruction he walked over and sat in the chair across from you at the small table, while he scanned over every nook and cranny of your house you took the time to observe him. You couldn’t see his bottom half but the shirt you gave him was old and stretched out but it was still snug on him, your wolf instincts had definitely gotten the better of you as your almost started drooling while discreetly running your eyes over his well muscled arms and chest which were showcased perfectly. You saw him turning back around to face you and you quickly focused on something else, you landed on the sewing basket you left on the table this morning and pretended to be digging through it before he cleared his throat and you brought your attention back to him.

“So, why do you have men’s clothes?” He asked. His tone of voice was odd and almost jealous which for some reason made him even more sexy than you were already being brainwashed by your wolf senses to think he was.

“They’re Songho’s.” was your simple reply before you got up and headed to dig through a drawer in the ruse of trying to find something but you were really trying to clear your head.

“Songho’s?”

“Yes, Songho, Irma’s husband.” The tinge of anger seemed to grow in his voice and you didn't know why you were trying to defend yourself from him.

You saw him cross his arms over his chest and furrow his eyebrows from the corner of your eye. “And why do you have his clothes?”

“Have you ever tried to garden in a skirt? Oh wait, you were privileged enough to not have to work to feed yourself.” You spit out at him before storming over and picking up his still full bowl and bringing it back to the sink.

“How would you know?! I may have not had been abandoned but I had to work-”

“Work my ass!” you cut him off, “Showing up to events and frolicking around with your other alphas and betas does not count as work.”

“It’s not like you can speak from experience, all you’ve had to do is sit on your little farm and pick fruits all day!”

“You’re right a sit on my farm and pick fruits all day, and starve when there’s a bad harvest, and freeze during the winters when there hardly enough blankets to cover myself, and throw every last penny I made back into the farm to repair things and buy new equipment in the hopes of making more money! So I am going to keep taking hand-me-downs from my friends and you can leave if you have such a problem with it!” You stormed into your room and grabbed and armful of blankets and pillows.

“Wait, Y/n,” He started but you cut him off.

“No, here are blankets. You can sleep on the couch but I want you gone by tomorrow morning.” You threw the blankets down and slammed your bedroom door behind you before crawling under the mountain of covers still on your bed. You managed to get a few hours of sleep even if you were kept awake through night  by either the storm or the aching in your heart, and just as you asked Chanyeol was gone the next morning only leaving behind a pile of folded blankets and clothes.

----

You had just finished lugging a pile of fallen branches and plant pieces to a pile when you heard shoes crunching on the gravel. You made sure everything was in the right place before turning around to see Irma jogging up to you.

“The wolves are holding a pack meeting, we have to hurry!” She exclaimed and without any further explanation she grabbed your hand and pulled you after her as she headed back to the village. Thankfully you had done the rest of your cleaning up before Irma arrived and all that was left for you to do were a few minor repairs here and there, you knew it was going to cost you so there would be no more living in comfort for the next few weeks. You moved as quickly as you could along the dirt road, you weren’t really worried about the meeting since usually they were just for show but how you were going to survive and buy things for repairs was taking up all of your thoughts.

----

You could smell the nerves before you even entered the council room and you immediately were on edge, in all of the past meetings you’ve attended it was mostly the heads of families but every single wolf was here today and everyone was nervous. The thoughts of your farm wentescaped your mind and were replaced by worries of why everyone was so stressed, your first thought was that it was about you and Chanyeol mating with you. The obvious course of action was to sneak in as quietly as possible and sit in the farthest corner at the very back so that’s exactly what you were doing, you cringed as the chair let out a small squeak as you sat down but you were otherwise unnoticed. People were chatting amongst themselves in hushed whispers as you scanned the room, you skipped from one person to the next until you landed on Chanyeol who was sitting at the head table with his family and the head omega. His eyes met yours and you quickly looked away, focusing on one of the many paintings on the wall before the doors banged open and the head alpha stormed in. The only sound in the entire room was the sound of his boots echoing against the floor as he made his way up to the head table by his mate and Chanyeol. The room seemed to take a collective inhale once he sat down but the relaxation was short lived since he started speaking at once.

“I bet you’re all wondering why we are gathered today, so I’ll get right to the point,” he cleared his throat and took a deep breath, “As many of you know, we are supposed to be heading back to the village in two days time, yesterday we sent the scouts ahead and they have just returned hearing news. The trail has been completely cut off by a rockslide during the storm and there is no way around it, which means we can’t get back home.”

The room was dead silent, quiet enough to hear a pin drop before someone shouted. “We need to get home, our mates and children’s are still there.”

Shouts of agreement were followed and you could see the alpha getting flustered. “I know but-“

“Let’s start moving the rocks!” Someone yelled, even more shouts than before followed until the head alpha threw his fist down on the table. The sound was so immense you thought the table had cracked in half but he was only standing there and breathing heavily.

“I know you all want to get home to your families but as I said before there is really no way! Moving the rocks was our first idea but after further inspection even if we did somehow manage to find the manpower to move them all we would have to wait until the beginning of summer which is ten months away!”

“Isn’t there any other way?” What seemed to be a female voice called from the audience.

“Only one, as far as we know the trail that goes around the far side of the lake is still in usable condition and it would take us less than half the time it would take for us to clear the rocks.” It was Chanyeol that spoke know. You were awed by how commanding and serious he sounded, it was no wonder he had the wolf’s blind trust as a leader.

“But that means we would have to travel through winter, isn’t it dangerous?” The same voice from before asked.

“Yes, not just because of the cold winter months the but the routes that wander the territory near there. I never said it would be easy or pleasant and before you decide on any of it you must know it will be much more dangerous but it’s the only alternative.”

Mumbles and whispers floated through the crowd before the head alpha called for a vote, stones were cast one by one and counted until there was a verdict. In the hour it took to wait people were huddled together, nervously whispering about what was to come. Mated omegas and their children usually stayed behind in the wolf village across the lake with a few alphas and betas while all the rest cane for the festival of fallen leaves which meant that all theses people’s families were waiting for them on the other side of the lake for possibly another year.

——

Everyone piled back into the hall where the results had been counted.

“With a unanimous vote, everyone has decided that we will travel the long way around the lake to get back home.”

A cheer went up in the crowd with people embracing and shouting in joy, it went on for a few more minutes and you observed until the head alpha began to speak again.

“We will leave in two days time so everyone must be ready by then or you will be left behind.” With those last few words everyone began to file out chattering nervously and excitedly about the journey but you stayed silent. While most other were happy to be finally heading home you were in somewhat of a depressed state, for your entire life your little farm in the human village had been your home not the wolf village across the lake but know you would have to pick up everything and leave all because of some selfish alpha.

Once you were out of the hall you almost made it to Irma’s house before you started crying, emotions just came rolling over you and you were a sobbing mess as she tried to comfort you. Eventually you managed to calm down enough to explain everything that was going on and Irma was everything you could have asked for in this situation.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so emotional lately.” You sniffled as Songho handed you both mugs of tea.

“It’s okay Y/n, we understand. It’s a big change and we knew it would happen eventually and Songho and i have been talking….” Irma paused, unsure of what to say next. “Well we’d be happy to take care of your farm for you.”

You swear your jaw hit the floor. “Really?” you asked, of course your best friends offered to take it over for you, “You don’t have to do this, it’s a huge effort and you have kids and jobs-”

“Shush and let me talk.” She cut you off. “Yes we have jobs but Songho is actually planning to quit being the town treasurer because of all the stress and I can make dresses anywhere as long as I can sell them.”

“What about the kids?”

“The kids would love the space to run around and play, plus they could learn some valuable skills.”

“You still don’t have to do this.” “I know, but I also wanted to ask you if we could build our own little house in that empty field so we don’t have to take over yours.”

“You can take over mine!” you exclaimed. “It’s so much work already and I don't want you to do more!”

Irma giggled, “No offence, but your house definitely isn't big enough for our ever growing family.”

You pouted but agreed.

“Plus Songho wants to build us a house of our own, it’s probably some man thing.” she whispered.

“I heard that!” Songho yelled from the other room and you both burst into giggles.

“Be careful Chanyeol doesn’t do something like this for you.”

As soon as Irma said that your mood immediately swung back and the tears were bubbling back up again. You spent that night in Irma’s guest room as she tried to comfort your tears by telling you little silly stories, eventually you drifted off to sleep. You woke up in the middle of the night to the door opening and a whispered conversation but you dismissed it and fell back into dreamland.

----

The next morning you woke up with a heavy heart as you all headed to your small farmhouse to begin packing. It was an odd mix of happiness and despair as you went through all your belongings to decide what you would take with you. As you dug through everything you owned and sorted it into piles you got to remember all the good times you had in this village and this house. There was the ceramic chicken Irma stole from her mother to give you as a birthday gift when she forgot, overtime the hideous pattern and colours grew on you as it was proudly displayed on your fireplace. You found pressed flowers from the first ever spring festival you attended in between multiple heavy books and you smiled at the memory of dancing in the fields of flowers and stuffing your face with deserts until you were sick. Irma’s children had found a box of your old toys which you had happily given them, content to see the bright smiles that lit up their faces. Of course mixed with the good memories there had to be bad, you found some old school books that were ripped and torn when they were thrown around by your omega classmates. And the memory of you stealing the pastries in secret and dancing in the flower field alone during the festival instead of the town square with everyone else because you were scared of the other wolves left a sour taste in your mouth.

When lunch came around you were about halfway through all of your things and you decided to all have a picnic by the river and take a well needed break before continuing on, it was unnaturally sunny and warm out but you decided to enjoy it because you knew there wouldn’t be such nice days for a long while. The kids splashed in the shallow banks of the river while You, Irma, and Songho chatted on the dry land. At one point someone got splashed and the next thing you knew everyone was dancing and playing in the water until you decided to head back and dry off. This was one of the things you would definitely miss and suddenly you wanted today to last forever.

----

You could feel the tension in the town as you dropped of your luggage for tomorrow, the omegas were each allowed to bring one trunk of belongings aside from the bags that would everyone would carry. The announcement had been made that the wolves would be travelling by foot as to minimize the wolf scent that would attract rouges so your carry bag had to be light enough for your human form. Everyone was saying goodbye to each other and sharing meals in the town since the wolves were leaving at dawn the next morning. You were making your way to Irma’s house where she had apparently created a goodbye feast in your honour, she told you to dress formally so you were walking up to her door in the only fancy silks you had left when you saw a familiar figure waiting at the door.

“What are you doing here?” you spat at Chanyeol who was standing in front of the door.

“I was invited.” He said plainly. You were about to ask something else before the door swung open.

“Thank goodness you’re both here!” Irma exclaimed, “The food was about to get cold!” She grabbed your arm and pulled you inside, you caught a sympathetic glance from Songho who stayed to chat with Chanyeol at the door before you disappeared into the kitchen.

“What is he doing here?” You hissed at your best friend who had shifted her focus to the various dishes on the stove.

“He's your mate so I invited him.” She said nonchalantly before grabbing some spices and shaking them into a pot and stirring.  

“Doesn’t he have his own family thing?” you insisted before coming up beside her and stirring something else.

“Songho asked and he said it was fine.”

You were about to say something else before you felt small arms around your legs and looked down to see the two toddlers wadling up to you. You shot Irma a glare which she only replied with a sweet smile before you followed the two kids to the living room to play.

Playing with the two toddlers lifted your mood for a while until dinner started, you were sat next to your mate which made you incredibly tense through the entire meal. Irma and Songho happily chatted away while you sat in silence pushing around the food on your plate, normally you would have eaten but your stomach had been feeling upset since this morning. It was probably the nerves of leaving tomorrow but it wasn't getting any better, eventually you excused yourself saying you were tired and saying you had to go home. Before you got out the door Irma shoved a giant winter coat in your arms.

“It gets cold in the winter so make sure to stay warm and safe, I’ll miss you.” She whispered before pulling you into her arms and sniffling into your shoulder. You felt big, fat, crocodile tears roll down your cheeks as you said goodbye to your best friend who you might never see again. You turned around from the porch still sniffling as you made your way home for the last time.

-----

The travel formation would work like this, the omegas would stay in the center while the alphas and betas sandwiched them from the front and back, it was the standard form although stakes were high because of all the rogues in the area. Because of this, the alphas and betas would be on watch at all times and there would be no mixing as the omegas stayed grouped together, this really meant that you wouldn’t have to see Chanyeol but you would be stuck with Chaeyoung for the whole journey.

You stuck to Jongin like glue as everyone was preparing to leave, you were always one step behind him as he mingled around with all the wolves. He introduced you to his friend Kyungsoo who was the healer that would be travelling with the omegas, he was a beta but he was the softest wolf you had ever seen with a smile made of pure sunshine. You felt a cold shiver travel down your spine and you turned around to see Chaeyoung stalking over to the wagon you were standing by with here entourage of other omegas. She shot you and icy glare that felt like you were already in the throes of winter before walking past to the next wagon.

“Was she looking at you?” Kyungsoo asked once she was well out of earshot, he seemed concerned and genuinely confused while Jongin looked annoyed.

You sighed and turned back around to the two wolves at your sides and let your shoulders droop. “Yeah, it’s not really an out of the ordinary thing.” You told them as you adjusted one of your many layers of skirts, now that you were part of the pack you were expected to wear dresses and skirts but you had no idea how long it would last.

“Why does she look at you like that, it’s not very nice.” Kyungsoo said with a frown.

“She's not the only one.” You sighed, you had gotten used to the looks but people who weren't got confused easily.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“You really don’t know?” Jongin exclaimed. Kyungsoojust stared back at him seeming even more confused than before, there was no way he couldn't know why, right?

“I’m Chanyeol's Mate.” Was all you said, he furrowed his eyebrows and you could see the gears in his head turning as the realization exploded onto his face.

“So your mom was…” He started, you nodded and all he said was a simple “Oh,” before seeming to disregard it completely.

“You don't have an issue with me?” You asked in disbelief.

“Not really, I never really saw anything wrong with you and the pack was overreacting when they kicked her out.” He said simply.

You stared at him in disbelief for a few moments before wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank you.” You warbled into his shoulders as you sniffled through some tears, you stayed like that for a few more seconds before releasing him and wiping your cheeks on your sleeve.

“What was that?” He asked once your eyes had stopped leaking.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been really emotional lately and I don't know what came over me.” You said bashfully as Jongin giggled at your awkwardness. Kyungsoo gave you a quizzical look and observed you for a few seconds before shrugging and continuing on with your conversation. A few minutes later the party started moving and you were on your way to the wolf village and away from your home, after a couple hours of walking your nerves had almost disappeared, you saw some of the other omegas struggling to keep walking which Kyungsoo had to go help while you and Jongin kept chatting. You stopped for a quick meal halfway through the day in a small clearing beside the trail, as some of the betas went to scout ahead the pack of omegas gathered to eat. You were put as the chef even though you were nowhere as good as the others but you still had to do the job, what you didn't know is that cooking also meant cleaning the dishes. Once everyone finished they handed you their dishes before heading back to the wagons to rest as you went to clean them, Jongin offered to help but you declined since it was your job not his. After assuring him that you would be fine you took the bucket of dishes and headed to the edge of the treeline to wash. You crouched in front of the bucket of water and started washing, you weren’t really paying attention to what was going on around you until shouts went up and you heard the sound of boot against the ground, the scouting team must have returned. You looked up to see a group of panting wolves gathering to those that stayed behind and greeting each other before a familiar voice rang out through the crowd.

“There’s a place camp a few miles away but we have to make it there before nightfall so start packing up because we have to get going.” Chanyeol called out. The wolves all nodded before hurrying to pack up, you stayed there for a few seconds as you couldn't seem to take your eyes off your mate, his gaze drifted to yours and as soon as you made eye contact you quickly snapped out of it and picked up the full bucket. You could feel his eyes watching you as water splashed the hemline of your skirt as you carried the full bucket back, your heart was racing until you finally put everything away and joined Jongin before starting to walk again. You chatted to Jongin for a while but eventually all words were replaced by heavy breathing as the trial got tougher.

Compared to the first half of the day the trail got steadily more difficult, the mountanus hills grew taller and more rocks and roots littered the overgrown trail. As your breathing got heavier you refused to show your struggle as you pushed ahead, you kept going at a steady pace until you finally stopped a few hours later when you came upon the clearing just as the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. Thankfully you weren’t chosen to make the meal again and you immediately went to set up the tent you were going to be sharing with Jongin. It really ended up being you setting up the tent with Jongin holding something here or there since he couldn’t figure out how to put up the poles or tie any ropes. Once you were finally finished and had set out your bedroll you wanted to just curl up and fall asleep but your stomach had other plans as it let out a large grumble.

At the campfire you shared a meal with Kyungsoo who was busy checking everyone to make sure there were no injuries, you chatted for a little while before you felt your eyes get heavy and you decided to call it a night. The next morning you woke up at dawn like usual and began preparing for another day of travel.  

----

Most of the omegas hated the journey but you loved it. You had never left the village before so this was a whole new experience and you were determined to enjoy it, instead of grumbling as you walked you tried to memorize every detail of the world around you, from the way the sun reflected on the water to the colour of each leaf on a tree. You sincerely hoped you weren’t driving Kyungsoo and Jongin insane with all your questions but they never opposed as you asked and asked again about everything you saw. After about two weeks into the journey the weather had already dramatically changed, you started hoarding extra blankets and layering your clothes to stay warm. The other wolves predicted it was going to be one of the coldest winters in the past hundred years so you all had to be prepared for the worst, but you kept asking your questions and trying your best to enjoy it. You started memorizing the birdcalls that you overheard one of the other betas talking about as you were washing clothes though they soon disappeared as the weather began to get colder. The first snow fell in the middle of the day about one month into your journey which you had quickly gotten used too, once camp was made that night the alphas held a meeting to see if it was still a good idea to carry on. News travelled through the camp quickly when the verdict was to continue on even if the snowfall came early but what shocked people even more was that it had been Chanyeol to make the final decision, he was going to become the leader soon.

----

It was almost a month later when you woke up at dawn and rushed from your tent. The weather was colder than it had ever been before and you were walking through blizzards most of the time, thankfully nobody had gotten hurt although there had been a few colds going around. It had stopped snowing last night and had yet to start again when you rushed to the treeline. It felt like your stomach was doing somersaults as you released its contents into the bushes, it had been like this for a few days now but it hadn't gotten this bad until now. There was an arm that came around your shoulders as you continued to empty your stomach into the bushes, Jongin was whispering comforting things as you continued to gag until there was nothing left for you to do.

“Are you okay?” He asked as you both began to walk back to your tent.

“Yeah I’m probably just getting sick. Thank you for being there by the way you didn't have to.” You told him as you weaved through the field of tents. “Of course I did, your my closest friends but…” He said as he squeezed your shoulder tighter in comfort.

“But what?” You asked.

“But you might not be sick.” He explained.

“What do you mean?”

“You could be pregnant.”

You fell silent as the shock of what he just said washed over you. “There’s no way, It’s probably just the cold getting to me.” You mumbled.

“Well if you are mates you had no-” “We should get going or else we’ll hold everyone up.” You cut him off before hurrying back to your tent. Jongin quickly forgot about your conversation but it kept circulating through your brain as the day went on, you couldn’t be pregnant could you? There was absolutely no way.

----

The snow had continued to fall as you reached the most perilous part of the journey, the snow had melted in the sunlight only to freeze into ice at night making the rocky mountains you were crossing even more dangerous than they were in the first place. The pack had slowed their pace and people were being extra cautious in order not to get injured and Kyungsoo was on high alert. People were checked daily for injuries and everyone was full of nerves during the climb but thankfully nobody was injured by the time you got to the peak. You could feel the tensions shift into nothing as everyone settled down for camp that night since the climb was over, and although it was a lot more difficult that the descent you still had a ways left to go.

You were almost to the next campsite and nobody had been injured yet so something just had to go wrong. You had hardly slept the night before since you woke up early sick to your stomach, so you were half asleep as you trudged along next to Jongin, you felt the overwhelming urge to yawn so you squeezed your eyes shut and as you did your foot caught on a patch of ice. You let out a small shriek as your feet slid out from under you and you tumbled into a snowbank on the side of the trail, everything flashed before you and you came back to your senses as arms wrapped around you and pulled you out of the whole you’d created from falling. As you were being pulled up your foot caught on a rock and sparks of pain shot up your leg as you let out another scream and fell onto the person holding you up. Jongin managed to catch you and himself before you tumbled to the ground and Kyungsoo came rushing over.

“What’s wrong?” He asked in a rush as he began scanning up and down your body.

“My foot.” You managed to choke out before another wave of pain washed over you.

“Set her down on the wagon.” He ordered Jongin before grabbing his bag and digging around in it, You leaned heavily on Jongin and winced as you limped over to the wagon that thankfully was moving slowly. You eased yourself onto the edge of the slowly rolling wagon as Kyungsoo came back with a blanket that he draped over you.

“We’re almost at the campsite and i can check you there, are you ok to hold on for a few more minutes?” He asked you as he kept spreading the blanket to cover all of your limbs.

You could only nod as you didnt think you could speak without letting out a cry of pain.

He saw your agonized look and grabbed your hands as comfort. “I’m sorry I can’t give you anything to numb the pain but it’s a precaution until we can be sure.” You missed the look he sent Jongin as the wagon went over a bump and jostled your foot and you tried not to cry out. Just as promised you arrived at the camp a few minutes later even though it felt like an eternity because of the pain, you were rushed into your tent as soon as it was set up and not going to fall over because of Jongin’s mediocre tent building skills. You let out a few squeals and moans of pain as Kyungsoo inspected your leg, you were afraid that you were going to break Jongin’s hand from how hard you were squeezing it until Kyungsoo finally sat back.

“Well you really know how to sprain your ankle.” He said as he pulled out a bandage and a waterproof bag from his larger one. “Go fill that up with snow while I wrap her ankle.” He told Jongin who squeezed your hand once more before grabbing the bag on his way out.

You sighed and braced yourself for more uncomfort as he began winding the bandage around your ankle. “Don’t you have some sort of painkillers you can give me?” you hissed out as he continued to wrap your leg.

“I would under almost any other circumstance but I can’t.” He sighed as you let out another squeak.

“And why not?” you managed to ask him.

“I’ll tell you once I’m done and Jongin brings back that bag of snow to stop the swelling.”

You sighed and bit down on your lower lip as he continued, focusing on how the bandage was getting shorter and shorter. Jongin came back just as Kyungsoo was tying off the bandaid and handed him the bag which he placed against your ankle, the sting of pain that came with the cold when the bag hit your skin was soon replaced by relief as you felt it soothe the throbbing of your ankle.

“Can you tell me know?” you asked as Jongin came back and sat beside you, Kyungsoo only stared back at you for a few moments before answering bluntly.

“You’re pregnant.”

Your jaw hung open as you processed what he just told you. “You’re sure?” Was all you could say as you felt the tension in the tent rise. He only nodded before reaching into his bag and pulling out a small jar of tablets.

“These are vitamins that you need to take, it will help with the sickness and make sure you're getting enough nutrients.” You took the bottle from his hands when he held it out to you before placing it beside you, “I can’t believe you hadn’t noticed since you haven’t bled and your stomach has noticeably grown.”

“I thought it was something with the cold and I never really paid attention to my body since the winter clothes cover everything.” Was your lame excuse as he started packing things.

He hummed and continued shoving things into his bag while Jongin scooted closer to you. “I told you soooooo.” He sung into your ear but was rudely surprised when he felt your elbow connect with his stomach, Kyungsoo frowned from his spot on your other side and you two quickly stopped bickering.

“You’ll have to stay with me in the medical tent so I can monitor you for the next couple days,” He started but quickly noticed your sour expression, “I won’t tell anyone about the pregnancy, I’ll say it’s because you’re sick or something.” He quickly reassured you. One thing you liked about Kyungsoo was how observant he was, after knowing him for only a short while he already picked up on the nature of your relationship with your mate and the rest of the pack with no questions asked, you were really grateful to have him with you right now. You nodded gratefully before he dragged Jongin out of the tent to go grab their things and some food with the promise to return soon, you settled back under the mountain of blankets they forced on top of you and tried to relax but it was difficult with the sharp pain still shooting through your ankle.

About half an hour later you were startled by the sound of tent flips opening, you pushed yourself into a sitting position expecting to be greeted by Jongin or Kyungsoo but to your surprise Chanyeol was standing at the entrance with a dish of food. You were tempted to ask him so leave but just the sight of food made your stomach growl with hunger. “What are you doing here?” you managed to ask him once he came in farther.

“Kyungsoo told me what happened and I wanted to check if you were alright since you’re my mate and all.” He said before kneeling down at the end of your bedroll and extending the dish towards you. You kept a blank expression on your face as you took the bowl from his hands and took a tentative bite, you almost sighed as the food hit your tongue and you realized how hungry you were.

“I should get going.” Was all he said before turning around and heading back out into the cold, once he was gone you started shovelling the food into your mouth before eventually falling into a deep sleep.

----

After a few weeks you were back walking with everyone else walking along the snow covered trail once Kyungsoo gave you the okay. The morning after you found out you were pregnant Jongin began interrogating you, it was a constant back and forth of what you were going to do and if you were going to tell Chanyeol or not. In the end you finally shut him up by saying you would tell him when you were ready but then the question started circling you, when would you be ready and what would happen if you told him? You were carrying his pup inside of you so you should tell him but at the same time you couldn’t, it wasn’t like it was an out of the ordinary thing to happen, it was in fact expected after the mating ritual but you were still the outcast with the pup of the next head alpha in your stomach. You made Kyungsoo, Jongin, and his mate which he accidentally told not to tell anyone under any circumstances and thankfully your heavy winter layers covered up the steady growing of your stomach which you became more aware of each time you changed. It soon became obvious that you were behind schedule because of the heavy snow and the multiple times you’ve had to stop because of blizzards and soon came the official announcement that it would take up to and extra two months before you reached the wolf village. There had been only a few run ins with rouges which were quickly scared off since even they were smart enough not to be out in this weather but every time you even heard about the sighting of a rogue you got shivers. Thankfully the medicine Kyungsoo gave you was working and you stopped getting sick as often even though you did have off days, it was now when you really missed Irma since she had already went through this multiple times.

Eventually the weather calmed down and even though it wasn’t full of freak snowstorms it was still very cold, the pack began to get excited since you were nearing the end of your journey and getting closer and closer to home but you got even more anxious since you still hadn’t told Chanyeol. Ever since that night when he brought you food you kept seeing each other everywhere, it made you incredibly nervous since your stomach was almost too big to keep hidden and sometimes it felt like he already knew. It was midnight a few days ago when you felt a shove to the inside of your stomach and you quickly rushed to Kyungsoo’s tent, after a few minutes of panicked blabbering to the half asleep healer he was finally able to calm you down and explain it was just the baby in your stomach moving around and kicking you. From that point on the urge to cover your swollen belly with your hands was like second nature and you had to stop yourself from doing it in front of everybody but you still had a little smile every time you felt the pup move around in your stomach even if it could cause you discomfort sometimes.

----

You woke up early in the morning just before the sun rose to a small fall of snow, you sighed as you saw the serene view and since only a few wolves were awake yet you decided to take a stroll. Your layers were thrown on quickly and sloppily with your heavy coat going on last as you were anxious to go out and explore before there were too many people, you also knew that Jongin and Kyungsoo would object but what harm could a little fun be?

A childlike wonder filled you as you took a tentative step out of the tent door and into the undisturbed snow, as soon as you heard the crunch of your boots you took a step and then another, and then another until you were bounding through the trees surrounding the campsite with squeals of joy. The boundless energy you were filled with before didn't last for long as you were soon out of breath and back to walking through the trees but your joy didn't disappear. You drifted between the trees as you let the absence of sound other than your boots through the snow calm you, you let out a deep sigh before letting your hands drift over your still growing stomach. “Someday I hope you’ll love the snow.” You whispered in the sanctuary of the trees. Soon enough your stomach would grow too large to be concealed by your large coat or heavy layers, what would you do then? Would you tell him? These thoughts swan through your mind as you continued to wander, not realizing that you were getting further and further from the camp until an uncomfortable feeling crawled up your body. You stilled and quickly snapped your head  behind you to look around, right when you thought you were safe a warm mass knocked you to the ground. You let out an ear splitting scream as you looked up to see a large snarling wolf that was foaming from the mouth pinning you to the ground.

“Be quiet.” It growled before pinning you harder. You continued to thrash and scream until hoping someone would hear you and come to your rescue as the wolf snapped from above you, your throat went raw and you felt your arms being scratched until suddenly the weight was thrown off you. You rolled to the side to see a familiar black coat fighting of the wolf that was on top of you before, there was snapping of jaws and growls as the wolves wrestled through the snow. Breathing heavily and still lying in the snow you watched them as they left trails of crimson in the snow as they continued to fight on, the rogue that had attacked you and the black pelted wolf were a pretty even match but eventually there was a whimper of defeat and the rogue ran off with his tail between his legs. You reopened your eyes when you felt a wet nose against your cheek that was soon replaced by a warm hand, you saw Chanyeol hovering over you with furrowed brows before there were more footsteps in the distance and another pair of arms wrapped around you. You felt like you were swimming and dreaming at the same time as Chanyeol and one of the other alphas carried you back to the camp, nobody said anything as you lent your head on Chanyeol’s shoulder and let them carry you.

You came back to your senses enough to understand what was going on around you when Kyungsoo came running up to you.

“Get your hands off my mate.” Chanyeol growled before jerking you backwards behind him.

“And I’m the healer so I need to take a look at her.” Kyungsoo stressed as he tried to come up to you again only to be stopped by Chanyeol once more.

“She’s my mate and I’ll take care of her. I know how to treat scrapes and bruises just fine.” He snarled.

“I really think you should let me-”

“NO!” Chanyeol cut him off, “You’d better get out of my way Kyungsoo or your just going to make it worse for yourself.”

You could tell Chanyeol was getting more and more worked up while Kyungsoo was panicking more as each second passes.

“Chanyeol, I need to check if the baby is all right.” Kyungsoo finally blurted out as Chanyeol began pulling you away again.

“The baby?” Chanyeol said as he froze.

“Yes, the baby. Now you better bring her to my tent before something you regret happens.” Kyungsoo warned before you felt yourself being moved again.

----

You woke up to the sound of voices around you and the familiar setting of Kyungsoo’s medical tent.

“She has mild hypothermia and she ended up going into shock but other than that and the few scrapes and bruises she and the baby are fine.” Kyungsoo explained to the other person in the tent.

“Are you sure they’re going to be fine?” Chanyeol asked, he seemed afraid but you couldn’t put your finger on why. “I’m sure.” Kyungsoo answered. The memories of what had happened slowly started coming back to you and you could feel the soreness in your body, you started to shift into a more comfortable position but immediately froze when you heard Chanyeol start talking again.

“If you don’t mind me asking, uh how far along is she?” he asked and you heard some more shuffling before there was a reply.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat and you felt a hand placed on your stomach and then it suddenly disappeared as if it was yanked away. “Around six months I think which means there’s only a few months left.”

There a lull in the conversation and at that point you couldn’t hold it for any longer, you let out a groan as you tried to shift into a sitting position and arms quickly wrapped around you to help you up. Once you were relatively secure with a mountain of pillows behind you Chanyeol unwrapped his arms from around you but didn’t leave your side.

“Good to see you’re feeling better.” Kyungsoo said with a smile.

“I’m definitely not feeling good but I am feeling better.” You said with a half smile before letting out a small grunt of pain when a particularly deep cut caught on one of the blankets. You saw Chanyeol flinch and move his hand out to help you but quickly pull it back as a second thought.

“I’m glad to hear that, you’ll have to rest for a few days which means no more wandering off and as little exertion as possible but you’ll be fine.” Kyungsoo explained as your hand ghosted across your stomach for reassurance as if it might not be there. He turned back and started packing up some equipment as you continued to sit awkwardly as you could feel Chanyeol's eyes rake over you, you swallowed uncomfortably as the tent was still silent except for the sound of shuffling medical supplies but before you could start freaking out Kyungsoo turned back around.

“There’s also something I wanted to tell you two,” He started as he shut the chest of supplies, you both stared back at him waiting for him to continue. “You probably already know but werewolves have a higher chance than humans of having twins, triplets, or even quadruplets and since you’re expecting I thought I would warn you just in case.”

Before you could even begin to think about the information Chanyeol immediately cut in. “When can she move into my tent?” He asked but more like demanded.

“Hold on-”

“Whenever is okay but just let me know.”

“Okay, we’re going now.”

“Hey wait a minute-” Before you knew it arms were wrapped around you and you were lifted into the air blankets and all. You hardly even felt the chill outside before you were gently set down in an unfamiliar tent you were guessing was Chanyeol’s.

“What makes you think that you can just drag me around like this?” You demanded once you were set down.

“First off I wasn’t the one who wandered into the woods and got attacked by an alpha and second, I didn’t drag you a carried you.” He stated before sitting down across from you.

“That doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want just because you’re a stupid alpha!” You exclaimed.

He scoffed, “I’m not the one who didn’t tell my own mate I was pregnant with his pup, unless it wasn’t mine.”

“Do you really think of me like that?” You asked in disbelief.

He let out a emotionless chuckle. “If that wasn’t the issue then why wouldn’t you tell me, huh?”

“I was scared!”

“Scared of what?!” he exclaimed as he threw his arms into the air.

“Of everything! Of your family, of the rest of the pack, of you.” Your voice died down as you said the last few words. Your hands were balled in your blankets and he was fuming as your eyes fell to your lap, there was absolutely no way this was going to turn out well.

“You were afraid of me?” He asked.

You nodded and took a deep breath before answering. “The only reason you mated with me in the first place was to get back at the pack because you were angry and now I get pregnant which is just what they want so why wouldn’t you be angry at me?!”

“So you decided to keep it a secret?” He questioned you.

“Yes!”

“Why would I ever be angry at you for carrying my pup?” Your head shot up at his now soft voice. Your eyes caught on his which now weren’t filled with the flames of anger like before but a soft almost loving look, you opened your mouth to say something in reply but the words caught in your throat when you felt a familiar pressure.

“Oh-” you exclaimed and brought your hands up to your swollen stomach. Chanyeol frowned and quickly scrambled to your side at the first sign of distress. “What’s wrong?” He asked frantically as his hands hovered over you, “Is something wrong with the baby?”

“No it’s just kicking, it’s been doing that a lot lately.” You sighed as you felt another bump against your stomach, you looked up to see Chanyeol staring back at you with a wonderstruck expression hands still hovering. “Do you want to feel it?” You asked in a moment of surprise which seemed to break him out of the trance and look back at you.

“Can I?” He asked and you just giggled at his excited expression and grabbed his hands to guide them to your stomach, he hesitated when you pulled your sweater up to reveal your stomach so he could feel better. You just sighed and placed his hands onto your stomach shivering when his cool hands touched you, he gave you a concerned look and you just smiled before shifting his hands around so he could feel it. The look of pure shock on his face when he felt the little bump against his large palm was enough to make a huge smile burst out onto your face and you felt your heart lift as he began running his hands across your stomach trying to find it again with his smile growing every time he felt it again.

“That’s amazing,” He breathed out, “I wish you would have told me sooner.”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered as your eyes fell back to your lap, you hung your head back down for a few seconds before he wrapped one of his hands around yours while leaving the other one resting on your stomach.

You brought your head up to meet his before he started talking again. “You don’t have to apologize, even though I may not understand completely I understand enough to know it was my fault too. I should have never said those things to you on the night of the feast, especially since they weren’t all true.” He took a deep breath before explaining. “I didn’t specifically choose you as my mate to piss off the pack, I could have chosen any omega other than Chaeyoung and it still would have pissed them off but I decided to go to the first omega I was drawn to which happened to be you even if you were the farthest away. I guess remembered you from previous celebrations since your peaches were always my favourite and you always looked so happy when dancing with your friends.”

“I shouldn’t have said the things I said to you either, we’ve both had hard lives in different ways and it was unfair to put my troubles before yours.” You confessed shyly. This was the most civilized conversation you’ve ever had with your mate and it only took you almost getting killed.

“How about we start over with a clean slate?” Chanyeol proposed. “We haven’t really had the best run but after seeing you laughing and having fun with Kyungsoo and Jongin I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous and don’t you think that this little guy deserves it?” He asked angling his head to your stomach.

“Ok.” You agreed. Ever since you left the human village the feeling of hate you’d once had for Chanyeol was replaced more with curiosity and admiration as you saw him lead the pack, of course you still had a pang of jealousy whenever you remembered the night of the feast with him and Chaeyoung but it gradually disappeared as you saw him refuse her attempts time and time again.

A bright smile grew on his face when he heard your answer and the pure joy you saw was making your heart flutter before it was interrupted with a huge yawn.

“What time is it?” You asked once he reopened his eyes, it was dark outside when he carried you to his tent but you couldn’t gage what time it actually was.

“I think it's around one in the morning.” He said sheepishly.

Your jaw hung open. “I was out for that long?”

“You were really cold and Kyungsoo said you were in shock and it was really scary.” He explained from his seat beside you.

“So you were awake that whole time?” You asked and he only nodded. “We’re going to sleep now.” You ordered before shuffling over on the bedroll and pulling him down next to you, you could see the dark circles and worry under his eyes which only strengthened your resolve.

“But what if something-” He tried to protest as you threw the blanket over him and cut him off.

“If you don’t sleep I won’t sleep.” That seemed to shut him up as you blew out the lantern and buried yourself under the blankets. You hadn’t slept very well for the past few days, whether it be the pup in your stomach kicking nonstop, the cold, or just general discomfort you hadn’t slept and you were thankful for the chance to now. You felt a warm arm thrown over to you and land on your stomach before it was followed by soft snores and you knew Chanyeol had fallen asleep.

----

There was only about one month left till you reached the village and everyone was getting more and more excited as well as you. Chanyeol had taken to hovering around you like a parent making sure you were fine every second of everyday as much as he could, long story short he was incredibly clingy whenever he could afford to be. After the news got out that you were pregnant it travelled through the pack like wildfire and the next day you two must have been congratulated by everyone in the pack except for the other omegas of course which were fuming with jealousy. Jongin and his mate were ecstatic when they figured out and immediately volunteered to be your personal babysitters whenever you needed it.

From that night on you shared a tent with Chanyeol since he could barely go a minute without making sure you were alive when you weren’t hiking, eventually you had to tell him to stop worrying since it was getting to be a little too much which almost turned into another argument but thankfully didn’t. In the next month you and Chanyeol got a lot closer than before and you realized he wasn’t a stone cold alpha but still a fun loving child at heart. Your stomach grew steadily over the next month and it looked like you were about to burst which was also accompanied by a whole new onslaught of aches and pains.

----

The day you finally arrived in the village it was amazing, mates threw themselves together and families embraced with tears of joy, cheers went up in the crowd when everyone was finally home and the families who were reunited made you couldn’t wait till you had one of your own. When the news that you were Chanyeol’s mate and that you were pregnant travelled through the wolf village there were whispers but they were easily outshined by the onslaught of congratulations. The feast that was thrown that night was completely different from those held back at the human village, the dancing and food was all the same but there were different traditions with the wolves. After everyone was finished eating and all the traditional dance performances were finished the new mates who arrived were lined up and given congratulations, gifts, and wishes of joy and fertility from the pack before being carted off to their houses with the doors locked behind them. It was a flurry of hoots and hollers as older omegas from the village grabbed your arms and older alphas and betas grabbed chanyeol’s and took you back to the small house that was given to your mate before he chose one of his own. After the door clicked shut you observed the surroundings in the house that was more like one large room, there was a large bed covered in lush furs right in the center with a small table and a wash basin off to the side. A few candles gave off a soft glow and there was a small door off to the side which you only hoped led to a bathroom, Chanyeol moved from beside you and kicked off his boots before collapsing on the large bed.

“I really don’t understand this.” You stated before kicking of your boots as well and shedding your layers before sitting down. “I mean why would they lock us in a room together?”

“Well,” Chanyeol chuckled, “Most wolves get told about it by their parents but it’s kind of like an insurance policy after the mating ritual.” He explained, you felt heat rise to your cheeks as you understood what he was insinuating and ducked away which only made him giggle. “Don’t worry, I don’t expect anything since we just came back from a long journey and we already have a bun in the oven.” He assured you.

You sighed and leaned back next to him on the bed. “I have a question.”

“Ask away.”

“Do we have a house or are we going to have to stay here?” You asked before wiggling over as close as your belly would let you, you saw a huge smile find its way onto his face. “Why are you smiling like an idiot?” You demanded before he let out a chuckle.

“You said ‘we’.” He told you.

You felt a blush rising on your cheeks again as you realized what he said, you tried to duck away again but he caught you and pressed a soft kiss against your cheek which was followed by another one against your lips.

“Don’t worry, it was cute and I loved it.” He assured you which made you smile. “And to answer your first question, we do have a house and we can move in as soon as you want.”

“Tomorrow?” You immediately asked which made him laugh a little.

“Tomorrow is perfect, I just hope you like it.” He agreed and kissed the top of your head.

“As long as it’s with you and this little one I’ll love it.” You told him before snuggling even closer than you already were, you two stayed like that for a few more minutes before he started talking again.

“Do you think I’ll be a good dad?” He asked.

“Of course I do.” You answered almost immediately. “You are one of the most loving and strong people I have ever met and I think you’ll be great.”

“Thank you.” He sighed. “Fo what?”

“For everything, at first I thought I would just mate with you once then ignore the fact completely but now I’m so glad that we’re going to have a family and I couldn’t have picked anyone better.”

“You’re going to make me cryyyyyy.” You whined and he chuckled, “I couldn’t have asked for anyone better either, at first I thought you were a spoiled brat that was the worst of the worst but now I think you’re my favourite person in the entire world.” You sniffed.

“You’re my favourite person as well but your title might be stolen when that little one decides to make an appearance.” he teased and you faked a small pout. “I’m just really sorry because now that we’re back I'm going to have to be away a lot since now everyone and their mother is preparing for me to be appointed head alpha and tensions with the rogues are rising especially after all the run-ins we had on the journey.” He explained.

“I understand and I’ll wait for you.” You assured him, “Just keep the pack safe.”

“Yes mam!”

You giggled and both eventually fell into silence that was soon replaced by soft snores, deep breathes, and dreams.

----

The house was beautiful, you couldn’t have asked for anything better. It was on the edge of the village in a little clearing at the edge of the forest, compared to some of the giant houses other wolves had yours was small but perfect for your small family. There was three bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room, and Chanyeol assured you that there was room to expand if it was needed but the best part by far was the little fenced off area in the back which was already set up perfectly for a garden. A bashful blush made its way onto his face when he admitted he sent a message ahead with a few of the runners who arrived back at the village first asking for it to be built before you returned. You giggled and squeezed him tight before immediately heading to the shed where all the supplies you’d brought with you were already all set up and you got to work with Chanyeol helping you here and there.

That night Jongin, his mate, Kyungsoo, and his friend MInseok which you had met at the feast the night before all came over for dinner that also doubled as a housewarming party.

“You really should have entered that pie contest back at the festival of fallen leaves!” Chanyeol exclaimed as he devoured another piece of pie. “This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted!”

“You’re just saying that because you haven’t had any decent food in like six months idiot.” You teased him which brought out laughs around the table. The night followed similarly until you bid everyone goodnight and collapsed on the bed beside your mate, immediately falling asleep.

The next month followed much as Chanyeol had warned you about with him rushing around and only seeing you in the mornings, evening, and rare times when you he had a day off. You felt somewhat lonely during the days but your newfound friends helped you and when you saw your mate you immediately forgot about all your worries. News travelled fast through the village when it was announced that the pack from the other side of the river a few miles away would be coming so that a treaty would be formed. Most people thought it was to avoid a war between the two packs but Chanyeol confessed that it was really to provide protection from the growing threat of the rogues that was looming over both packs., they had gotten more violent with more attacks regularly on hunting parties and travellers. Although he hadn’t said it outright you could tell they were preparing for a war which was making you increasingly nervous for you, the pack, and the pup.

----

It was one of the days where you were feeling good enough to move around without your giant belly weighing you down, you could feel your due date approaching faster and faster while Kyungsoo warned you to take it easy since you were finding it harder to do even small tasks. You were out watering your plants in the garden when you heard the crunch of gravel behind you, today was the day the envoy from the other pack was supposed to arrive so Chanyeol had left early that morning.

“Y/n!” Jongin called out as he reached the edge of the gate. “One of the wolves from the other pack is asking for you in town!”

You frowned wondering why a wolf from the neighbouring pack would ask for you but set down your watering can and wadled behind Jongin as fast as you could with a few breaks here and there to the center of the village. You were leaning against Jongin who was probably the only reason you were still walking as you approached the crowd. You could hear the questions from a few feet away as people were chatting with the visitors, Jongin was about to leave you on a bench to go find the wolf when you saw the crowd break and someone walk out. The She wolf was definitely and alpha as she walked through the parted crowd, as soon as her eyes landed on the two of you she broke into run heading in your direction which shocked both you and Jongin but decided to go with it.

“Y/n!” She called out as she got closer. You caught a whiff of her scent in the wind and were vaguely aware of all the eyes following her before you shot up from the bench and waddled over to meet her. You two immediately threw your arms around each other and embraced as best you could with your huge belly in the way.

“Mom.” You whispered into her shoulder as you inhaled the familiar scent that you hadn’t known since you were a baby. Once you broke apart you grabbed her hand a brought her over to where Jongin was still standing at the bench very confused trying to get away from all the eyes.

“Jongin, this is my mom.” You introduced her to your friend and the look of shock on his face when he realized what you said was priceless. Introductions followed quickly after before you finally asked the important questions.

“How did you get here?” You asked once you were all sat down.

She let out a long sigh before replying. “It’s a long story.”

“We have time.” Jongin assured her.

“Well, everyone thinks that I was banished from the pack because Y/n’s father was a rogue who attacked me but that’s not really true. As you know alpha relationships rarely ever work out and are generally frowned upon and that’s part of the story but not all of it. Before either of you were born and before your current head alpha was the leader there was a competition for who would be the next leader, I was one of the candidates. During the competition I fell in love with one of the other candidates and became pregnant with you, I didn’t tell anyone who your father was to protect him but I was quickly removed from the competition. After many months had passed the new current head alpha was selected as a leader and the competition ended around the same time as you were born. He always held a grudge against me throughout our whole lives and once he gained power he fabricated the story that your father was a rogue and banished me but not before I left you here. I ended up joining the pack across the river after I told them what happened but I couldn’t come get you since tensions between the packs were high until now when your next head alpha is taking over and the threat of rogues is growing.”

Everyone was silent for a few moments when she finished.

“I’m just glad you’re finally back.” You breathed out before leaning your head against her shoulder.

“I am too pumpkin but let's talk about you, you’re about to burst!” She exclaimed. “When are you due?”

“The healer said anytime now so I’m just waiting.” You told her.

“Well thank goodness I got here now before I became a grandma.” she teased, “So who’s your mate.”

“Chanyeol.” You whispered.

“Chanyeol as in the next head alpha?”

You nodded your head and she squeezed your shoulder. “You got a good one darling, he mentions you at every turn and you can tell he loves you a lot.”

----

Chanyeol was obviously surprised when you introduced him to your mother but welcomed her with open arms even after she explained the circumstances of your heritage. She ended up staying in one of the extra bedrooms in your house and you were thankful for all the time you had together after so many years of lost time. You learned that she had kept tabs on you through her whole life and you got your green thumb from your father since she couldn’t keep a plant alive for more than a week no matter how much she tried to help you with your garden. At the end of the week you felt like you had known her your whole life until you woke to her shaking you awake.

You opened your eyes groggily to see your mother standing and looking panicked above you, it was only you two in the house since Chanyeol had night watch.

“Y/n an army of rogues were spotted at the border and are moving to attack, we have to go now!” She whispered hurriedly. It took a few moments before you realized what she said and pushed yourself up from bed as best you could and threw a sweater over your nightclothes before following her outside. Your arm was around her shoulders and she was supporting you as you did your best to move forward, breathing heavily. You both heard the crunch of gravel and caught Kyungsoo's scent coming towards you with a sigh of relief.

“I’ll take her, you go help the others!” He called to your mother before she let Kyungsoo take her place.

“Make sure Chanyeol is alright and promise me you’ll come back, I’ve just gotten you back and I can’t lose you again.” You said with teary eyes while squeezing her hands.

“Stay safe.” Your mom whispered before pressing a kiss t your forehead and quickly turning to her wolf form before running away.

“The rest of the omegas and children are in the medical center so we have to get there, okay?” Kyungsoo told you and you nodded. You managed to walk for a few more minutes and were almost to the medical ward before you felt a wave of pain in your stomach and liquid drip down your legs, you let out a groan of pain and looked over at Kyungsoo who was staring at you with wide eyes.

“What’s happening to me?” You whispered as the pain slowly disappeared again.

“I think your water just broke.” Kyungsoo said. You two stared at each other in shock for a few seconds before you heard a howl of pain from the forest and broke out of your trance.

“We need to get to the medical ward because this pup is coming now, can you still walk?” He demanded. You nodded and he wrapped his arm under your shoulders and took most of your weight onto him before starting to move again. You made it a few more meters before another wave of pain washed through you and you let out a low hiss but kept moving. A few minutes later Kyungsoo burst into the medical ward with you on his arm.

“WE NEED HOT WATER AND TOWELS NOW! PREPARE ONE OF THE ROOMS!” He called out to the room of frazzled omegas and children who immediately jumped into action. You were taken by two omegas into a room with a bed and full of medical supplies as others rushed around you gathering supplies.

“It hurts!” You cried out as another wave of pain washed through you and Kyungsoo came and clutched your hands.

He winced as you squeezed them but didn’t make a move to pull them from your grasp. “I know it hurts but just a few more minutes and you can push.”

“Okay…” You breathed out as the pain slowly faded again and you leaned your head back breathing heavily.

“Y/n, I want to warn you that it might be multiple pups so you have to be prepared.” He told you as you let out a low groan, you nodded before he gave you one last squeeze on your hand and disappearing out of your sight. You could hear the battle that was going on at the edge of the forest echoing through the valley, you could hear the battle cries or many wolves and the vicious growls, even the howls of pain and in that moment all you wished for was Chanyeol to be ok.

----

‘Where is Chanyeol?’ she growled to her packmate as she approached the thick of the battle.

‘Where he always is, at the front lines.’ the wolf replied.

She let out an annoyed huff before shaking her head, ‘That boy better survive or I’ll find him in the afterlife and kill him again.’ She growled before bunching her muscles and taking off.

----

Chanyeol let out a hiss of pain as the rogue who was on top of him slashed up his leg. He had been fighting since the first rogues had been spotted over an hour ago and hadn’t been able to figure out anything going on outside of the battle. He’d been in wars before and even if they knew this was coming and were preparing for it he was always shocked at the reality of war, Y/n had been circling through his mind since the first sighting. She was pregnant and had no battle experience but if anything ever happened to her he knew there was no way he could live with himself so he had to get back to her as soon as possible.

The rogue on top of him let out a surprised howl as he was thrown off by another alpha throwing herself into him, he immediately flipped onto his feet ignoring the searing pain and went to go help the alpha he recognized was Y/n’s mother finish fighting off the alpha. Once the rogue was running away with its tail between its legs Chanyeol was yanked behind a large bush.

‘Promise me you won’t get yourself killed.’ she hissed ‘You can’t leave Y/n and your pups alone.’ ‘I won’t I swear.’ He told her.

‘Good now we have to get back out there and finish this.’

----

“Now push!” Kyungsoo exclaimed as you grip on the sheet tightened, you had tried to wait but the pups refused and you had to start pushing. You let out another anguished scream before the pressure suddenly released and you heard a cry.

“It’s a boy!” Kyungsoo called out but you cut him off with another scream as the pressure returned again.

“What’s happening?’ You strangled out as you couldn’t stop yourself from crying out.

“It’s twins, you need to push again!” Kyungsoo called out as you yelled again. You pushed as hard as you could until it felt like you might actually explode before the pressure was relieved once again and didn't return.

“It’s a girl.” Kyungsoo whispered as he placed the two crying babies on your chest. “One girl and one boy.”

You felt tears prick at the edge of your eyes as you looked down and the little wiggling pups who were lying on your chest “Thank you,” you managed to say through ragged breaths, “Is the battle over?”

“Yes, somebody just went to go find Chanyeol and he should be here any second.” He said in a soft voice. “Just rest, you did a really good job.”

Right as he finished his sentence the door burst open and Chanyeol came limping in and collapsed beside you, you could see the tears that were already streaming down his cheeks as he looked at the scene before him.

“They’re so beautiful.” he whispered as he reached out a finger for a tiny hand to grab, he gave the biggest smile you had ever seen as a small fist latched on and refused to let go. “You can’t believe how happy I am.” He told you before pressing a soft kiss onto your lips. “I can’t believe we had twins.”

“Are you okay?” You whispered before reaching up and brushing a stray lock of hair out of his eyes to see the blood dried on his forehead and the bruise blooming on his cheekbone.

“I’m okay don’t worry,” He assured you as he grabbed your hand and held it in his own, “You rest and I’ll go get checked out by Kyungsoo when you’re asleep.”

“But what are we going to name them?” you asked him and he chuckled.

“How about Daewon and Miso?”

“That's perfect.” You sighed and looked at the little pups as they wiggled around.

----

Epilogue

Daewon and Miso were almost a year old when the trail was finally travelable again. The previous head alpha was one of the many casualties in the battle so immediately after Chanyeol was appointed as a replacement, he kept the treaty with the pack across the river in place which had rapidly grown into a close bond between packs. The day when your mother left with the rest of her pack full of tears and sad goodbye, Chanyeol had offered her a place in the pack if she wanted to stay but she declined saying that it wasn’t her pack anymore. You made her promise to visit as often as she could which she happily agreed to before sending her off, you would miss her but you knew that it was what’s best. As your two pups grew your garden did as well until it was flourishing with plant life of every sort but it was still nothing compared to your farm but you knew it was being taken care of well by Irma. You and Chanyeol had never been closer with your little family and now Jongin and his mate were expecting a child of their own which they couldn’t stop asking questions about. It was easy to say that Chanyeol had proven himself wrong and was the best father your pups could have ever dreamed of as he could always make them laugh even when he was grumpy from the many, many sleepless nights.

Now he had proven himself once again as you were all greeted by the human village as you returned for the festival of flowers. You heard the telltale scream before you saw Irma hurtling towards you through the crowd with Songho in tow only to freeze right in front of you when she saw the sleeping baby in your arms.

“When did this happen?” she asked excitedly when she saw the little one yawn.

“Mating ritual.” Chanyeol cut in with a smirk which only surprised her more when she saw the second sleeping baby in his arms. You knocked your shoulder into his and he faked an injury as a blush rose to your face, of course there had been many other encounters after that but it still made you embarrassed when he brought it up.

“There’s two.” Irma whispered in disbelief.

“Daeho,” you said gesturing to the little wriggling baby in your arms, “And Miso.” You said gesturing to the little bundle in Chanyeol’s.

“I knew you’d be a great mom!” She exclaimed before throwing her arm around you as carefully as she could and shooing the two men away. “You have to tell me everything!” She exclaimed before the two of you followed the men who were chatting a few feet ahead as you all headed to the farm. You told her about your whole journey in as much detail as you could muster as you slowly walked down the road, she listened intently making a few comments here and there before launching into her own story.

The farm looked the same as you remembered it in the spring, flowers covering the fields and the river running by with the addition of the second house a little farther away. Irma’s family was just as chaotic as you remembered and the festival was beautiful with flowers covering the entire town and delicious food everywhere. You danced and sang till you felt like you couldn’t walk or talk anymore, It felt like you’d returned back to your childhood as you leaned your head against Chanyeol’s shoulder. You ditched the town festival early and were sitting in the flower lined riverbank with the two sleeping pups in your arms.

“I love you,” you sighed into his shoulder as you listened to the rush of the river and the music from the town in the distance.

“Then why don’t we expand on our little family?” He teased and you elbowed him.

“You’re such a dog.”

“I was just kidding,” He wheezed as you placed your head back on his shoulder, “I love you too and I couldn’t have asked for anything more.” He whispered before placing a small kiss on each of your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, and the leaning down to capture your lips with his.

[inkth]

cream of the crop pt. 1

pairing → mygxreader

genre → angst (in future parts), fluff

warnings → for this part, there are no warnings

word count → 6.6k

okAY so fyi this is unedited for now and i might come back to switch certain things up but oh my god in bon voyage there was a part where yoongi got a strawberry milkshake and i stg this was in my wip waaaay before that so when i saw the gif i think i wailed a bit bc he made it literally canon my friends!!!! hope u enjoy this guys im chwishfsdkfhl

Yoongi just wanted a god damn strawberry milkshake to release work stress. not to be grabbed by the arm by a stranger begging him to role play as some perfect boyfriend or another.

There are a variety of absurd experiences Min Yoongi has been unfortunate enough to cross within his current lifetime.

Thinking back, there was that time Yoongi picked up the phone to his childhood best friend Kim Namjoon, who thought he was being robbed by foreigners on the side of the street at one in the afternoon, and frantically asked Yoongi to please come save him by the way its the sidewalk on 44th street bring a gun!

“What kind of fucking robbers let you make a phone call, dumbass?” Yoongi barked into the phone, pretty upset that his afternoon nap was interrupted by some nonsensical disturbance.

“Oh shit Yoongi, you’re probably right,” Namjoon exhales and stays on the phone with him though, as he tries to solve the mystery of the tourists who just wanted to let Namjoon know that he had dropped a couple bills. They were discreetly carrying knives because they were opening a wood carving stand a block over, Namjoon explained later. Yoongi was quite the unamused listener.

There was another time in his already awfully long life when Yoongi himself was found caught in the middle of a fight between a Minecraft gamer and a ballerina carrying a flower vase, but that was a long story where it finally ended with him being released from custody as soon as the police had determined his innocence.

Or that other glitch in his simulation of a life when he had to bring nine cats home with him after work. Yoongi never knew he had a cat allergy, but he learned it the hard way that night as he sneezed so hard for so long till he couldn’t hear anything out of his ears.

So when Yoongi is feeling something in the air tickle his nugget of a brain that he should skip his ritual milkshake tonight and head on home right away to avoid whatever this coming disturbance is, Yoongi does what Yoongi does best, and he ignores his intuition because who cares, what Yoongi wants is his McFreaking milkshake.

Everything goes smoothly. Yoongi successfully orders a milkshake at the bar. He successfully receives the right order. He successfully starts to drink the milkshake in the quiet serenity of two am on a Monday. 

But then he fails to leave as soon as she comes in the door, the same girl who legitimately flings the entrance open like some wild animal and he is so horrified he can’t look away from this scene and makes the mistake of meeting your gaze.

The damage is done, however. He knows you’ve selected him as your prey among the barren tables save for one lady picking up fries togo and the waitress staring at you in fear.

“Lady, please get off me,” he groans, pulling your fingers off his biceps as if they’re blood hungry leeches. His arm is free for maybe a second before your fingers fly back, grip stronger than before and this time Yoongi really can’t do much with just the one tired, exhausted hand; the one that isn’t holding the milkshake glass. 

He’s whispering a string of curses and damnations at One Week Ago Yoongi for slacking with working out. Or any of his past Yoongis, really. He rests his head on the tips of his fingers, weighing down on his elbow angled onto the table.

“You don’t understand,” you wheeze dramatically, eyes round with terror. Uh, hello? I don’t care enough to understand, Yoongi mentally comments. “My parents, they-“

Sure, you might’ve been exaggerating everything a little, but what’s a little show and extravagance when your damn life is on the line? A matter of life and death knows no tranquility.

He looks at you half lidded; boredom and ‘are you really still talking to me Ican’tbelievetheaudacity’ washing over his face doing a whole awful lot to create a grave aura around him. You can physically see the deathly ash gray energy come off him in waves like something from an anime.

At this point, Yoongi’s thinking he might just ditch you, make a run for it to never see your crazy ass again and the idea is so tempting but instead, he responds. He’s not too sure why, although it’s probably ‘cause he’s paid an awful lot for this deliciously overpriced milkshake that has yet to be completely consumed. But the fact of the matter is he does respond, even thought you’re clearly not in the right state of mind and he really should be telling you to go home.

“Listen, they’re not gunna care if your boyfriend’s a bum. It’s your life anyways, why would they care?” Yoongi notices he’s got about another sip or two of his milkshake and then he can hightail it outta this joint and a certain spazz grabbing onto him.

You let go of his arm, thinking maybe you came off a little too strong and run your hands over your hair to pat down the flyaways contributing to the messy, crazed look.

“Now, I really absolutely must get going… miss,” Yoongi has finished his drink with a content sigh, a little disappointed that the experience was partially ruined with your improv tug of war, but content nonetheless. “Don’t worry, I’ll go ahead and take care of your water,” he reassures you dryly and stands up from the bar’s long legged chair, grabbing his expensive leather jacket. The best purchase he’s ever made in his life, he tends to overshare this fact to anything or anyone with two ears and legs, seeing as how he wears it everyday through wind, rain and the scorching heat.

Your eyes flash in one last lunge of desperation and your integrity flies out the window and disappears into the sky like a balloon. Floating away… peacefully, gone forever till all that’s left is your soulless body embarrassing yourself like this on a Monday at two am.

“Please,” you choke out one last time and sincerity taints your voice, everything you’ve depended on relying on this thin line of his consent. 

There’s something about it that Yoongi finds himself hesitating for as his mind reels from the way your fingers grip the end of his jacket sleeve. 

“I really, truly only need your help for a couple days. I-I’ll even pay you.”

Your eyes dart to the floor from his face with your final push, unable to face rejection one last time from help you so ridiculously need. His body halts, and with this, you take it as a sign for your fingers to relax and stop holding his like some child refusing to let go of their lollipop. 

There’s one thing the weary should know, and it’s that one specific thing hits a chord with Min Yoongi that makes him who he is.

“Shit.”

Hana looks up at you in what seemed like concern and a bit of ‘damn, you live like this?’ tainting her face. You keep going back and forth between looking down at your most recent message on your phone and up to her face, still contorted in confusion unable to face the reality that is your life right now.

You’re not okay, this can’t be happening — everything you had worked up for up until this point, only to be destroyed by your parents’ wrath would be the endgame for your life. You need to lie down and forget this day even happened.

“Are you, okay?” She can’t help but emphasize the ‘okay’ with leaning her head in a tilt.

“Hana,” you squeak out, hands pressed against your eyes till you see stars. It’s late, you’re braincell-less from such last minute studying and you’re absolutely, completely fucked. And not in the nice way you normally would want to be.

“My parents are coming over and want to meet Jungkook.”

Hana lets out a strangled gurgle of terror from the back of her throat as she runs her hands through her dark hair and crawls over to you to peer at your phone screen. Now that she knows you’re fucked, you want to throw your phone out the window and run away. Or just throw yourself out the window. You stand up from your sitting position on the floor and take deep breaths counting to ten and back again.

“Oh my god,” she whispers. “You’re screwed.”

You twist your face and tell her, “Thank you so very much for the vote of confidence! I’ll just have to remember that while trying to explain everything to my parents.”

Hana’s pained smile emits an apologetic vibe as she continues to voice her thoughts. “Damn. Seriously though… what’re you gonna do, I mean. You still have… two days?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” you wail, falling back to the floor and hoping it’ll somehow open up, and take your body into the recesses of the earthy ground. “Is a day or two even enough time for him to come back from that trip?”

“Wait, you mean you would have your parents actually meet him?” Hana looks over at you incredulously. “Like, we’re talking about your boyfriend Jeon Jungkook, right?”

Backtrack – So, okay, yes maybe you had a few flaws. One of them was the fact that you were maybe a little too prideful. As in it’d physically pain you for your parents to know that your boyfriend was a bum who did absolutely nothing.

You had lied to your parents from the very beginning, pulling off the scam with a few explanations here and there saying, “Oh, no he’s too shy. He won’t take pictures!” when your parents wanted to see who this guy was. The occasional “He can’t meet up with us because he’s studying for his very big exam haha you know how these studious nerds are sorry!”

You wince from her tone, speaking as if he’s a demon sent from hell, and start collecting strands of your hair to comb through with worry.

“I mean, if he were here I could play him up as the guy I made him out to be,” you mused. “They don’t even know what he looks like. Probably think he’s afraid of cameras, poor baby.”

Hana looks slightly revolted from your gently verbalized “uwu” and snaps her fingers to garner your attention back onto the matter at hand.

“Wait- I,” you sat back up, all the blood rushing this way and that causing a weird feeling to consume you and you see black for a good three seconds before it dissipates. “Don’t judge me for what I’m about to say.”

“Done,” Hana nods. “I live with you and judge you enough already.”

You look at her unimpressed, lips curled into an unamused smile.

“How about I get a fake boyfriend? Like, right now?”

Hana doesn’t even know where to begin she laughs because she thinks you’re literally joking but then stops when she knows you’re not. “Uh, you do realize it is two am, Y/N. Where are you planning on going to look for an accomplice to role play your perfect boyfriend?”

“Honestly speaking, I’ll probably have to go to a bar or something.” Just saying this out loud was enough to acknowledge that you yourself were not thinking straight.

“You’re just going to walk into a bar and pick up the first dude you lay eyes on is what you’re implying…” Hana trails off, as she begins to re-evaluate the situation. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you sigh, brushing off your jeans as you stand up. “But this is my only option.”

“Well, you could always tell the truth to your mom and dad. You don’t have to be so full of it, Y/N. And listen, you’re 20 going on 21… how much longer are you going to hide this from your parents? You’re literally an adult.”

You frown and start walking out of the room, grabbing a jacket before you head outside and to the car. “I’m not full of it,” you defend your poor self. “I just need my parents to think I’m living my best life with the best boyfriend so they don’t rub in how they were right all this time or whatever overprotective shit they wanna pull on me.”

Hana holds up her hands as an act of surrendering and picks up your phone from the floor to hand it to you. Before it’s passed off however, a pinging sounds and she calls out the notification.

“Your mom texted you to say–“ Hana squints from how dark your phone’s lighting is. “They’re actually planning on starting to drive over tonight and should make it here by tomorrow evening?”

You start to panic, countless thoughts crashing the calm of your mind like stormy waves as you start to assess your problem at hand. You need to find a fake boyfriend, said fake boyfriend must learn what must be learned about you and said fake boyfriend will need to do a good enough job to keep your parents away forever and hopefully this will work because you don’t know what you’ll do the next time your parents come to “check up” on you because they think something’s fishy with this hypothetical fake boyfriend.

You let out what sounds like something between a sob and a groan as you snatch the phone from Hana’s hands and run out of the house, debating between driving to the nearest diner or running away from home.

See, the problem with your parents were that they were overbearing to the point that they even hated the fact you decided to attend college out of state. Mind them, it was only one state away, but it did absolutely nothing to soothe their constant fretting over your wellbeing and life. You were fed up with the relentlessly strict parental control and went crazy in college – finally dating, drinking and partying – although it was still at a good minimum.

To expose to your parents that you were dating an undecided major who spent the money he could scrounge around for on video games was a one-way ticket to hell so in order to save face and keep up the façade that you in fact were living your best life possible, you dreamt up of the littlest, white lie.

Your boyfriend was a perfect boy. One grade above you, one his way to graduating as a summa cum laude. He had an internship and was already guaranteed a job after college as a biomedical engineering major. You painted the perfect picture so you could present yourself in the best way possible to your parents.

The way your hard work was about to be shattered by the way so many coincidences piled on top of each other was a bit frustrating to say the least. You weren’t sure how you kept this a secret for so long and frankly, how your parents didn’t doubt you from the start but now they believed him to be a camera shy, facetime shy boy that only spent his time studying.

You didn’t even want to start on the numerous occasions you and Jungkook had ended a night fighting because of this ridiculous situation, that sure, you put yourselves in. You weren’t sure why you did this, but of course it wasn’t because you were too prideful.

Yoongi never lets money slip out of his hands. Call him frugal, call him thrifty, he doesn’t care. He just knows that if it’s worth the price, he’ll do it.

“Fine. I’ll do this. But I want cash and I want half of the end amount right now,” he knows he’s being demanding and it does look like you reek of eau de poor college student but with the request you’re making, he thinks it’s only fair.

You look teeny tiny and exhausted from the way you crumple your body on the seat next to him and it’s annoying how much work you’re going through because of a simple lie, but you can’t back out now. The way you’ve been explaining the situation to him is really making you sound a little crazy but hey, you’re only human and this isn’t the weirdest situation Yoongi has ever been in.

“How is this even going to work?” Yoongi looks at you as if you haven’t thought this far ahead. “Haven’t they seen his face? Is he even okay with this? Are you running a scam show? If this turns out to be a mess, I want no part of the repercussions.” He squints at you and crosses his arms, eyeing you suspiciously.

“I’m not stupid,” you roll your eyes and scrunch your face from irritation. “They’ve never seen pictures or anything of his face. I’m thankful my boyfriend doesn’t have social media, but I mean, even if he did my parents are technologically inept, anyways.”

“This is so extra, this is like, almost kind of idiotically stupid,” with a snort, Yoongi continues to doubt you. “I can’t believe I agreed to this. You better pay me the remaining amount as soon as this shit’s done. I’ve got things to do.”

“I’m sure you have so much stuff to do concerning your things,” you bite back and have to hold steady the urge to punch his weak looking noodle arm. Just keep thinking about how grateful you are that this sort of handsome spawn of the devil is agreeing to save your ass and livelihood.

He huffs and has the audacity to look offended, loosely crossing his arms across his chest. “Whatever, run this by me again.”

“Okay,” you sigh. You nearly teeter off the edge of the stool from sleepiness, an untouched glass of water in front of you and you watch the droplets trickle down the sides of the condensating cup. “My name is Y/N and yours is Jeon Jungkook. I’m 20 and you’re 21…”

You start to list off factual information and the details get a little blurry as they re-enter his mind because now it’s almost 3:20 in the morning and Yoongi just wanted a fucking milkshake but now it’s like he’s in college all over again, cramming all the notes and tidbits of information he can into his mind to purge it in five hours on the dreadful test. Even though Yoongi’s suffering, he starts noticing these things about you that’s definitely a little confusing to him and gets him a little worked up but in all the right ways.

He pays attention to the way when you laugh you move to cover your mouth with your hand, it’s kind of endearing. Sure, he’ll admit he thought you were pretty behind the air of desperation and super strange vibes you let out when you first marched into the door. Like, perhaps very pretty. He’s not sure but it might be something to do with the shape of your eyes and the pink of your lips. But the tendency you have to tilt your head when you smile is something that Yoongi starts noticing too and–

Yoongi catches himself thinking these thoughts that are so out of bounds and unnecessarily loud. It’s okay, he mentally argues. These are fake boyfriend feelings and it is late. I am exhausted, I don’t know what I am talking about.

And there you have it folks. Yoongi solves this problem of the Case of Weird Emotions with a simple answer. He’s just a really good fucking actor and can get into character so well that he starts thinking the way his character would. That’s all. And now Yoongi is mentally punching himself because he sounds really fucking weird. And fuck, he needs to stop cursing because he needs to be a well polished, dapper, perfect boyfriend.

He shudders and you see it, not because you’ve been looking at him but because he does it in a really obvious way that calls for attention in your peripheral vision.

“Are you alright?” You ask warily, eyeing him because what if he’s having a spasm attack holy shit?

Yoongi grunts with his absurdly deep voice and says, “Yeah, go on.”

“I wish we had more time,” you whine, rubbing your probably bloated face with sweater paws and something tickles Yoongi’s heart from the way you look and speak although he does his best to ignore it.

“It’s okay, I’ll remember this, I’m pretty sure… let’s just try and come up with a code word or something for me. Like, if I don’t know something I’ll say or do something and you’ll cover for me.”

You nod your head and for the first time that night it seems like you really smile and it’s cute, but not cute enough to swindle Min Yoongi’s heart. Of course not.

“Do you know how to crack your fingers?” You ask after a few moments of deep contemplation.

Yoongi suddenly looks small because he’s shoving his hands in between his thighs to cover them from the cold and you almost coo as he nods his head yes.

“Great,” you look away from his figure to calm yourself. “Just do that and then I’ll fill in. That’s the signal.”

“Does this mean we’re done now?” Yoongi’s voice has gotten raspy over the span of time you’ve spent with him because of how he spent most of it just listening to you and barely opened his mouth.

“I dunno,” you nervously gnaw on your lower lip, another habit Yoongi has picked up on fondly. Or not fondly, not at all… at least only fondly with fake boyfriend feelings. “I’m really not sure how this is going to turn out. Thankfully my friend is going to stay at a friend’s house to avoid more possible complications.”

“Alright then, give me a call tomorrow morning and I’ll get over to your place by two in the afternoon.”

You shake your head, “No, come earlier. We need as much time as possible to go over this. Remember? They’re arriving sometime that night.”

Yoongi groans from the revolting sentence he has just been forced to hear and he cries, “But I can’t! You’ve kept me up for this long evil lady, I should’ve been in bed falling asleep hours ago!”

“I’m sorry,” you feebly offer. “But I really need to nail in a lot more with you.”

Yoongi grumbles a wide variety of things under his breath comprised of but not limited to, “You’re lucky you’re cute”, “Fuck, I need a good ten hours of sleep to retain all this information, though” and “Damn it, I want my money”.

“Fine– 11 is the earliest I’ll be there. And are you sure you’re okay with giving me your freaking address? You’re going to let a stranger know where you live and you’re fine with it,” Yoongi lowers his tone towards the last bit in uncertainty.

“I’ll be fine because my roommate is a police force trainee who has armed me with a panic button along with pepper spray. You’ve been warned,” you wiggle your brows. “Plus you’re my fake boyfriend and you want the money. I’ll see you tomorrow at eleven.”

You both get up from your chairs, leaving cash tips and Yoongi’s expression changes into one of respect and newfound admiration.

“Duly noted,” he chuckles as he holds the door open for you to walk through, the brisk, autumnal air enveloping you.

Outside in the parking lot you head towards your car and see only a couple other vehicles, one of them being a motorcycle and you don’t think twice about it till Yoongi is waving goodbye to you as he walks in the direction of it.

“Wait,” you call out and Yoongi immediately halts, turning to face you with an expectant raise of his brow. “That’s your ride?” You point at the motorcycle.

He smirks and shoves his hands into his leather jacket as deep black as the galaxy and his hair swirls around from the wind above his twinkling eyes.

“Isn’t she beautiful?”

You groan, wondering if you have enough money to fork up however much it would cost to rent a car. You’re pretty sure you don’t, but if it’s for this boy, the best you could pick out on a quiet Monday morning at two, the cream of the crop, you’ve really got no other choice.

You just hope this cream of the crop has a license to drive a car.

The next morning you wake up at eight, sitting up in your plush bed as memories of last night flood your mind in horror. Restless sleep tightened your neck through the night, stress eating away at you and your ability to sleep peacefully.

You groan, peeking at your alarm clock and take a deep breath before you whip your hair out of your face and harden your resolve by sheer will. You pull of the covers and step out of your room, trailing for the kitchen in order to brew yourself some deeply needed coffee.

“Coffee first,” you mumble. Priorities.

Hana is sitting in the living room, a mug on the coffee table in front of her. She looks up as soon as she sees you enter from the short hallway.

“Mornin’ sunshine, there’s some coffee left for you,” she chippers cheerfully. “You got up pretty early. You’re meeting the man of the hour soon, right?”

“Meh, don’t remind me,” you grumble, shuffling into the kitchen and from the coffee machine, you see her kick her slippers off and finish the last of her homework. You pour the still hot liquid holy grail into your Totoro mug and start to mix in cream and sugar seeing as how you’re not as abhorrent as Hana with her love of black coffee.

“But damn, you were just a wreck last night,” Hana teases. “I can’t believe you really got someone to do something this crazy for a girl they just met.”

“It was the money,” you point out, sipping the first few tastes of coffee. It needs a bit more sugar. “I’m so fucken exhausted! Listen, I don’t even have that kind of money to pay him.” You can hear your stash of hidden cash for emergencies underneath your drawer already crying for help. This could qualify as an emergency, you doubtfully suppose.

Hana is still recovering from the surprise of hearing your insane plan worked, even if she found out last night. You remember how you entered the house, satisfied with how quote on quote smoothly the ordeal went even if you were about to be $600 short on money and stressfully sleep deprived the next morning. Hana walked out of her room with sleepy eyes and a bit of bedhead to you getting ready for bed so early in the morning, although she gained a bit of consciousness after hearing how your plan had indeed, succeeded.

Now that it’s the morning and your adrenaline rush had bled away and you’re in a clearer state of mind, doubt starts to trickle in and you are wondering what in hell you were thinking in the first place. You shake the thoughts away and focus on the task at hand.

“I’ll be getting out of the house soon,” Hana comments, starting to pack up whatever textbooks and notes she’ll need for the next day or two.

“You’re the amazingest,” you gratefully smile at her and try to convey your upmost sincerity. As best you could, at least.

“Yes,” she agrees mindlessly. “I am, aren’t I? I am so amazing—so amazing that I am literally leaving the apartment that I share with you for you and the stranger to bond and learn how to role play as lovers. It sounds crazy, I know, but here we are.”

Your smile fades away as you look at her in playful disbelief. “Go to your room, pack your granny underwear and your granny clothes, and leave this household!”

Hana scrunches her nose in distaste, “They’re not granny clothes! They’re retro! And thongs or whatever strip of fabric you claim are underwear are so uncomfortable, literally leavemealonegoodnightDevil!”

You laugh as she prances to her room to stuff her duffle bag full of clothes she’ll need in order to survive for the time she’s gone and you glance at the clock to see it read 8:30, and you go off to your room to get ready for the very. Incredibly. Extremely, long day ahead.

It is at ten that you have finished cleaning up your room, taken a quick shower and waved off Hana out of the home you two share. You walk back inside after seeing her depart safely promising to text you when she arrives, even though it’s the daytime and she’s just a good ten feet away, you never know what could happen. Even if she’s almost a police officer. 

Which, speaking of, she has reminded you countlessly about, telling you to pass on the message that she will personally come to fuck him up if anything happens to you. You appease her with saying you will, but you sure as hell don’t plan on doing so. 

Closing the door, you sigh deeply and it leaves you a little lightheaded as you lean your back against the door.

“Oh, shit.”

It hits you then that this is really happening. Like, your idiotic plan your brain thought up of that you thought was foolproof was really happening. There were so many holes that could expose you in a second and the thought of you being ousted in front of your parents tugged at your pride riddled mind.

The anxiety twitches your fingers as you pull up your phone and it leaves you staring at his message from last night.

yoongi: see u at 10:30

You forget he suddenly promised an earlier time at the last minute and you reckon you’ve got yourself about twenty or so minutes for him to show up at your door. It’s enough time for you to beat your face with makeup and put on some presentable clothes.

At 10:30 sharp he arrives at the door and it catches you by surprise because he doesn’t seem to be an advocate for timeliness. You tug down at your cropped sweater one last time before you open the door to see Yoongi in all his slightly bloated, freshly showered glory.

He looks a bit nervous, seeing as how he kept worrying over this very situation he should never have gotten himself into over the night not to mention what if you sent him the wrong address. Yoongi’s eyes flit from your face to the room behind you but he manages to keep his jittery 

“Hey,” you sigh in relief. “Thank goodness you’re here. And thanks for coming so early.”

Yoongi loses a bit of the nervousness in his system and seems a bit more relaxed than he was when you first met him, probably because he’s gotten a better grip of his surroundings than last night, when he was completely hit with a curveball. In the face. At 500 miles per hour. In the form of you. HIs face loses the tension in the muscles and his lips take on a nonchalant smile. You also notice he’s wearing the same leather jacket as last night and you wonder if he has anything else available to wear.

“No worries,” he says in that gruff voice of his but he clears his throat quickly and yeah, you notice he’s still pretty high strung. This whole tribulation is probably a first for him too.

“Come on in,” you gesture inside, and make space for him to make through. Not that he needed much anyways being the tiny man he is.

“Alright,” he mutters, stepping into the apartment and slipping off his shoes. He doesn’t really pay attention to the apartment anymore but rather your outfit. You wearing sweatpants that still hug your legs and figure looks really good with the bit of skin exposed under the hem of your cropped Adidas sweater and Oh my God shut up, he scolds his train of thought.

It’s just that psychology of attraction at first sight, or whatever. Sure, it’s not his first time meeting you, sure, but you two have only recently met. Yoongi is certain he is a man of strong will. He would never let himself start feelings these things for someone who is already in a relationship.

He tears his gaze away from you before you can notice his burning stare and starts to run his eyes over the layout.

“Well,” you laugh strangely, trying to cover your skittishness. “This is where I live. I guess we can run over what we talked about last night over there on the couch.”

You point at the black sofa and Yoongi nods, walking over to sit down stiffly.

“Did you want something to drink?” You ask, noticing the way he stays pretty quiet. This won’t do. Your fake boyfriend is a great conversationalist.

“No, I’m fine, let’s just go over what we have to. I don’t wanna mess up…” Yoongi trails off and a hint of concern tinges his voice as you smile.

“Sounds good,” you agree.

“Okay, first things first,” you start reciting the basics as you are sat next to him. Yoongi does a really good job of staying on task at first, he swears. He’s listening intently but all of a sudden he’s thinking about how sweet and pretty your voice is and next thing he knows he’s thinking about how hard it is to just even meet your gaze, because your eyes are just such a wonderful outlet of all your emotions it’s really hard to meet them and not just go on and dive into the pool that is you and then—

“We might have to gel your hair back,” you muse softly and Yoongi is shaken out of his schoolboy crush-like trance.

“Fuck no. No,” Yoongi is firm with his decision, holding his hand out to emphasize his stance. “The forehead stays covered.”

You can’t help but let out a laugh as you cover your mouth with your hand and say, “Fine.”

Yoongi notices once again how you have a habit of doing that when laughing and he hates how it’s pretty adorable. 

“How did you get here, anyways?” You ask suddenly. “Not with your bike, I hope…?”

Yoongi grins at you and you notice that he’s one of those gummy grinners and it does a little something to you but you avoid it at all costs and swallow it down.

“I Ubered here,” he said simply. “I figured I could say my car’s in the shop if your parents ask.”

You widen your eyes and nod in approval. “Brilliant! That’s really good Yoongi, thank God I don’t have to pay for a rent a car.”

“Speaking of payment,” Yoongi is reminded of your debt to him at the passing mention of money but is glowing from your praise. “Need I say more? Don’t worry about the Uber fee, I won’t be holding those against you, call it service.”

“How kind of you,” you grimace, hearing the cries of your emergency money once more, as you tell him to stay put. “I’ll be right back with half of it.”

When you count out 300 and carefully tuck the rest away, you turn around to walk out only to see Yoongi peering in your door, arms crossed and looking quite interested.

You jump at the sudden intrusion-like non-intrusion and scowl, asking, “What are you doing here? You scared me shitless and you’re very lucky I didn’t shriek.”

He shrugged, tousling his dark hair from his eyes and replied, “If I’m gonna be your fake boyfriend, I should know what your room looks like. As your fake boyfriend, of course.”

You groan and tell him, “Get a good, quick look around, because here’s your money and now we’re leaving.” You slap the wad of cash onto his unsuspecting palm and push his shoulders out the door.

“I know you kind of know me because of all the information I might’ve been burning into your mind the past 24 hours about yours truly, but I barely know a thing about you and we’re really acquaintences at best, still.”

Yoongi lets you lead him out of the hall into the living room and with a quick look at your lockscreen, you see that it’s still only 11:14. He stuffs the money in the back pocket of his jeans, which fit him quite nicely around the thigh area, if you may say so yourself. 

“Fine,” he mutters and you barely catch it with your already dull hearing.

“What’s fine?” You ask, sitting down on the sofa as he takes a seat as well.

“I said, fine. What do you wanna know about me?” He asks, finding interest in the boring coffee table.

“Uh,” you trail off, unprepared for this kind of a question. “Wait, do I want to know more about you? I should be thinking of you as my boyfriend Jungkook, putting history and information behind you would make it too easy for me to differentiate…”

Yoongi rolls his eyes with a condescending sigh that you somehow know isn’t very genuine. “Just ask three things about me, so we’re not complete strangers,” he offers a compromising deal.

You let it sit with you for a second. If you made a slip up would you be able to recover? It was already hard enough, calling him Yoongi—already so hard enough that it was weird to remind yourself you’d have to be calling him Jungkook in a few hours. Eh, screw it.

“Where do you work?” You ask your first question tentatively.

“I work as a part time server for now,” he replies as if it’s something of a bother. “At the barbecue place downtown.” You have a brief idea of where it is, having passed by it a few times while you were in the vicinity.

“Alright,” you huffed. “What’s your other part time?”

Yoongi looks a bit confused at first with the way you worded it, but he catches on quickly seeing as how he’s got a fast train of thought.

“Oh, yeah. You remember my bike? I wanna go into autotech service. Or something like that, like engineering,” he vocalizes his thoughts and grows a bit red.

“That’s really awesome,” you smile at him and he grows comforted by the idea of you approving his passion. Although he shouldn’t be so—

“Do you have a girlfriend?” This question takes you back by surprise too, and you swear it was a slip of your tongue.

“I—“ Yoongi wasn’t ready, didn’t even think you were one bit interested in his love life but he answers directly. “No.”

For some reason you like hearing that answer, something like satisfaction burns at your tongue and heart and you don’t understand why when you have a perfectly cute boyfriend named Jeon Jungkook (the real one) you can call yours.

“Sorry, I didn’t know where that came from,” you giggle nervously.

Yoongi brushes it off and breathes evenly. He’s not sure why he’s worked up uncomfortably like this and he wants to skip to the part where this is all over and he goes back to moping around, living out his normal, daily routine.

We are acquaintances, he keeps reminding himself.

You two end up talking about yourselves a bit more, because pictures of your dog reminds him of his dog and from there the conversation flows a little too perfectly because now you’re intrigued by the mystery that is Min Yoongi and you want to know more and everything about him. This goes on for the next six hours and it’s filled with so much talking and laughing and you’ve even cooked up lunch because oh my goodness you found ingredients to make pancakes.

Then dawn rolls around as if it’s only been a mere thirty minutes and to be honest, it feels likes you know Min Yoongi more than your own boyfriend Jeon Jungkook.

You shake that last thought off, startled from the way you so abruptly stated that. Internally, of course. 

Yoongi’s barely opened his mouth to ask you another question when-

The doorbell rings and it echoes throughout the inside of your home and holy shit it feels so intimidating and loud and Yoongi just isn’t ready, but can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now if he’s this scared of what’s to come. 

You glance at him almost as if you’re seeking refuge in someone’s comfort so he grits his teeth a bit because between the two of you, he realizes he’s got to stay the rock.

Yoongi narrows his eyes until they resemble somewhat to a feline’s. He’s the rock.

And not just in the Dwayne Johnson sort of way.

oooooookay oh my goodness this is unedited but i wanted it off my shoulders before i got to work so here this is please enjoy but send me feedback or anything you'd like through my inbox thanks!!!

[doctor-desi]

Alrighty, for the Angst Questions: 3, 6, 15, 19, 25 and 30; and the Quesiton About Creating Your OCs: 1, 3, 8, 9,12, 13, 19. (Sorry if they're too many, answer as many as you want!!)

HAHAHAHA! I ANSWERED THEM ALL! PREPARE YOURSELF FOR ALL THE BLAINE KNOWLEDGE YOU COULD EVER WANT (jk there is probably more but this is still a lot... so be prepared)

Angst Questions: 

3 Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them?

I have never actually thought about this question for them before, because at least a few generations of their family have lived in Saker Keep. I imagine at some point she has lost a grandparent, but same with her parents I feel she isn’t super close to her older family members. She’d still mourn, be there for her family members that were closer to them, and respect them for who they were in life. But in terms of her changing because she lost them, I just don’t really think she would change at all. If it was the first death she experienced she might come to respect the ideals in rituals for those passing on. Like learn to make peace with the death of others. But it wouldn’t really be life-altering for her. (However I can’t say the same if she were ever to lose Ms. A, her siblings or any of the gang. If one of them all died, then she might break down and become kind of numb for a bit. She just has no real idea how to deal with a super impactful death since she isn’t super close to the majority of her family. 

6 Have they ever committed a crime, or something they felt was wrong? What was it?

Oof, okay another thinker. Hmm, well here is the thing. I came up with this idea that her parents own the general store type shop in the area (cause I need it for when we go there for reasons). So as a kid, I can imagine her being there a lot, and maybe one time she accidentally takes something. Someone not from town catches her and drags her to her parents saying she stole, and her parents just shake their heads, explain she is their kid and berate her. She has a pretty good moral compass besides that, so unless she does something on accident, or something she wasn’t taught bad, then she would not purposely commit a crime or do something she felt was wrong. She just doesn’t like going against what she knows as right, so she would never do something bad on purpose. 

15 What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Well from the campaign, she is defiantly scared of dogs and heights. Id almost say that she is also kind of scared of water now, or maybe the unknown of what is under the water more? Cause of what happened when they are on the ship. I think her BIGGEST fear though would be like her insecurities and messing those up… which I’ll talk about in your next one actually! And how she acts.. well that depends. If it is something like someone dying where she couldn’t do anything, then she’d like break down and become almost a shell of who she was, really numb to the outside. If its something else, like something she could change in the moment, she would take action to remove herself from the situation or remove the thing that is causing her fear. Either way, whatever it is would likely stay in her mind a long time, she tends to overthink things in general, and this would be no different.

19 What is your character insecure about?

Okay, so there are a few of these I believe. First and foremost, she is insecure about her abilities and has the fears of disappointing those around her. She grew up in a small town and although she doesn’t doubt Ms. A’s teaching abilities, she is worried she will not be enough in times of danger. That kinda leads to another insecurity that she will not be able to protect those she’s grown to care for. She is scared that those around her will die and she will not be able to do anything to prevent it.  Another insecurity she has is about herself and her past. Since her family history is partly a mystery to her, she is kind of almost unsure of who she is as a person. Like she knows who she wants to be as a person, but she doesn’t know who she is through who her family were if that makes sense… Yeah, she might have more too, she kind of really hides her insecurities and doesn’t let people know about them much. OH! Another one is she is insecure about who and how she trusts. After the mask incident she kind of doubts her ability to read people and situations as to whether they are real and should be trusted. Okay… I think I got most of them.

25 Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them?

Oh yeah. She doesn’t show it at all but she super does (kinda mentioned above). She feels like she is not enough a lot of the time, so she does like approval from others. Knowing what others think (especially if it is good) makes her feel more secure like she knows what she is doing is right or wrong. 

30 What makes them feel safe or secure? What makes them feel insecure or unsafe?

Honestly what makes her feel safe and secure is being home. Being out of her little town makes her feel unprepared and a little scared, but also really excited which is why she set out in the first place. Knowing what is going on in a situation makes her feel safe, having a weapon, basically having control or a strong understanding makes her secure. What makes her insecure or unsafe is the unknown, though like I said before she also gets excited (idk its king of like how some people get watching horror movies). Um… having to face her fears and stuff, I don’t know really, she just likes to know things so not knowing kinda makes her uncomfortable.

Questions About Creating Your OCs:

1 What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)? 

Ooookay… honestly I have no idea. I want to say that I wanted to play a dragon born first? But it also could have been that I wanted to play a sorcerer. It was one of those though I believe. I think maybe the latter cause I wanted to play a magical character, so I looked through the different types and settled on a sorcerer cause they were KINDA both fighting and magic.

3 How did you choose their name? 

Yeah… this one I don’t have a super fancy long answer. The name popped in my head and would not go away so I was like “Okay, Blaine it is then.” … yeahhhhh thats pretty much it.

8 What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story? 

For what I relate to in their character I’ll answer in the next one (spoilers its pretty much everything). However for the story I can say nothing really. I’m an only child while Blaine has two siblings. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents while Blaine had an okay one but didn’t interact with them much. I guess I kind of had a traumatic experience when I was younger? But its not like it unlocked any magic abilities… I wish. I didn’t have one specific mentor though I had some pretty good teachers growing up…. Yeah nothing in the story really is related to me, character though is a completely different story.

9 Are they based off of you, in some way? 

Yes, completely yes. I mean, I’m not a dragon born sorcerer, but in terms of personality (besides Blaine being a little more extroverted) we are pretty much the same. I base a lot of how she acts and reacts and stuff like that based on how I would, so as a person, Blaine is pretty much me aside from a few details.

12 What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)? 

Hahahaha… the fact that I made her a dragon born and I CANNOT DRAW DRAGONS TO SAVE MY LIFE. LIKE IDK HOW AT ALL SO I CANT EVEN DRAW HER IF I WANTED TO. So, yeah drawing has become frustrated where when I even try I get so sick of it I can’t do it anymore. Writing though is great! Ive began writing a lot more short stories and I love it! Im actually in the middle of writing a couple of things with her and the gang and I’m really excited to post them :)

13 How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all? 

Um… well Im not entirely sure how far canon will go really so… not entirely sure. At one point I did have her death planned, but that even has changed and I don’t even have a concrete idea for it. I suppose I kind of planned a little farther in her future when she is older, but not much besides she keeps helping people as long as she is physically able.

19 What is your favorite fact about your OC?

Mm, okay I have two really and they are both super stupid silly things, but you asked. One is that Blaine is the Door Killer™. She has and will destroy all the doors with a single blow. And the other is that she always will have a multitude of daggers on her. Even as a kid she found/had daggers so much that her siblings stopped trying to take them from her and instead just taught her how to handle them safely.

[inhalareexhalare]

The menstrual cycle begins. I usually feel pain until the third day at most, but I can move just fine.

Slow, but with fight in it Like embers of honey

It scorches the eyes But is sweet to the palm

Did you know by the way? The faster and the hotter you heat honey, the more you reduce its nutritional value. So yes, while it has a very warm color, its temperature is usually not the same :)

2018-10-23 10:00 Philippines Tuesday

My daytime journal has been discontinued due to its tendency to take over my whole identity. I somewhat live [a double life], you could say, and I am now exploring my nighttime psyche.

This is my heartfelt "letter" to @neweresth​ (CHECK OUT neweresth IN YOUR DASHBOARD BTW IT WILL ROCK YOUR DORMANT WORLD), who inspires me to keep learning and discover my photographic sense.

True enough, this nighttime journal has been a very big compilation of crunchy insights to my deep-deep-down subconscious, which in my opinion takes a big bite off the whole pie of what makes the self.

I've been anxious about how to teach for a time now. It's like a secret calling, a secret dream that I have that I quietly—and secretly—shut off every time it resurfaces.

The reason is my ineptitude with socializing. Communication, especially verbal, has always been hard for me.

My English teachers throughout my school life (and even outside its premises) have doubted my authorship of countless papers I've written, all due to the fact that I navigate speech poorly, yet apparently write eloquently enough above my age.

That has discouraged me from honing my lesser swords. The possibility of never growing out of anything.

But that's bullshit.

I write because I love. I write because I want to communicate. Communicate!

I write for no one else other than for the truths that live inside me, and they are written for no one else but others who could do with a genuine story that cares about their beautiful and suffering minds.

I am socially inept. I am antisocial, by the world's standards. But that doesn't change what I write for.

I write to learn.

Likewise I will teach to learn.

Maybe I am bad at it. Maybe it takes talent.

But nothing good has ever touched and transformed hearts and minds other than that which has originated from those very things.

Talent is a gift indeed.

But heart even more so; it is both curse and privilege.

The pain that makes us human. The agony that teaches us what is real. The happiness that guides us to what is worth living for.

If I had all power, and all talent, all knowledge, and all beauty. If I had all riches, and all the admiration, and fame, and number of friends--

If I have not love, I am nothing.

PS I really do love movies. If you’re an aspiring writer, or a writer with fluctuating inspiration, do watch The Rewrite. Check out  1 Corinthians 13:2

“And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” 

2018-10-23 18:07 Philippines Tuesday

"Keenness, spontaneity, and trusting the moment..."

I entered the room to discover a Thor exploring the wonders of my film-filled laptop.

I took my favorite Nuyorican Poets Cafe book to read and learn. Stepped out to the living room filled with people and stretched my legs to feel at home on the couch. I made a re-friend! :) Yana approached me and asked about the book.

I didn't know she was interested in prose and poetry! She also writes snippets here and there sometimes. I told her to collect them.

I asked for recommendations, since strangely enough, even though I like to write I don't have a wide background when it comes to poetry from the celebrated and the local poets alike.

I don't know why I didn't read them sooner.

Keep learning!

2018-10-23 19:31 Philippines Tuesday

To Karu:

Sorry for imposing on you last night. I just really do value good sleep. I don't know about you but I can't workout without it, and it also affects the general mood and brain function.

I still don't know what to do about it. Everyone seems to enjoy not sleeping at night, but I don't feel like conforming to it especially since I see its daily effects on me. You can actually join stuff like that if you like. I was thinking that we both need sleep desperately, but I realized that I might have been forcing/pressuring you to go to bed.

Though I do request to have no guests in the late night of this approaching Saturday. I'm going to need tons of energy and also an early alarm since I will be called for work (thank God they allowed me to go to church first)

(Even if I did only request it, that doesn't change what it might have felt to you. So again, I apologize if a part of you was in unease or anything.)

I love you

[25 minutes later]

I would like to kiss you all over, but that will rouse you from sleep.

I love you, and I love you to death.

2018-10-24 06:21 Philippines Wednesday

From Isla:

"My tita and tito from [the] US are here in the PH right now

"and they said im too young to be in a relationship.

"and gave this vibe like......don't be in one right now.

"i really appreciate the love and support from them ofc

"it's just....medj na-down ako lol" [I was a bit downhearted lol]

To Isla:

I'm assuming they aren't free thinkers, your aunt and uncle hahaha

They probably are right, but if you think about it that observation is only relative to an imaginary concept which is the future

In my opinion, no one is too old, and no one is too young. It's never too late, and it's never too early

There's only now, and a moment's opportunity to come to a decision

There's only now, and a moment's commitment to be true to who you are at this point in time

Only what is existent after all counts as truth :) the future is yet to happen, and both possible and unlikely

Entrusting the sense of reality to tomorrow, in other words, a question mark seems illogical to me

The BEAUTIFUL book you gave me about the deaf-mutes gave me this idea

The future is not a universal or "natural" concept

[Check out Seeing Voices by Oliver Sacks]

And the past is not more real than a memory is. And we all know how nearly inexistent memories are. That's all they are--memories.

From Isla:

"Those are beautiful thoughts. :)

"Reading it really helped me.

"I'm thankful that i have you in my life."

[An hour later]

"Did other people tell you the same thing before? if you don't mind me asking

"Have you ever been so hard on yourself one time in your life, and eventually you stopped it?

What did you do to overcome it?"

To Isla:

Personally, it takes me a continuous amount of effort to stand up against the self-hatred. Some say it's a lifelong sickness we have as humans, and it seems true to me

(also, writing heals both the writer, and hopefully the reader, so it's mutually a good thing, hopefully hahaha)

It's like the motivation to commit to a vocation

It's not natural to be motivated at every moment of your life, but we seek to make it a habit

Habits form the shape that our thoughts and feelings take. Like my nighttime anxiety. It was developed because I gained the habit of thinking that I am alone and abandoned every time these factors come together: it is nighttime, and I am physically alone

I unconsciously associate the scenery with something from the past that reminds me of a similar situation, but is actually entirely different

In fact it dates back to the time I was still very close to my mother. We still loved each other as I grew up, but not too close as to always be hugging every chance we get

It dates back to when I was a little girl of age 5 at most (since the scenes were from my Atimonan home, and we left that when I entered elementary)

Habits don't die on their own. They cannot be thrown away just like that. But, they can be replaced

If I can create a little nighttime routine, even just cue words or a little ritual, that could change a lot. I just need consistency because some nights I'm too tired and I forget to pray or to practice deep breaths and stuff. And when I find myself alone again, it starts all over; I get anxious as hell

So maybe the first step before changing your habits would be to forgive yourself

We are imperfect, at that is incurable. But we have the potential for growth, and that is at least forgivable. We can learn from our mistakes, so we shouldn't let ourselves down from them.

They are there to give us two options: give up, or try again.

Changing a habit is probably going to take more tries than my fingers can count, but hey we're still alive and breathing, so I presume Life is willing to give us as many chances as we need in a lifetime

Failure is unfortunate, but failure is an important mark of what truly matters to you.

If it's worth more than the self-obsessive need to be successful, and if it means your life and your calling and a better world, it's at least worth trying again, no? :)

When people bring you down, they could be there for a good reason, and that's not to bring you down. Maybe that's hardly what they wanted to do in the first place.

We need to learn to assert our own beliefs and stand up to them. Maybe they think it's all just a whim because they don't understand yet how it matters to you, and what it means to grow up.

Growing up means making mistakes (your relationship is not necessarily a mistake haha), getting up, and learning something new.

Learning something new always requires a new experience.

Learning something new always means stepping out of your comfort zone and into unknown territory.

If you end up hurt, that's fine, we're here for you. What's important is that the lessons are not lost. What you learn is what you grow out into.

So don't ever stop learning. :)

Learn to stand up for what you believe in.

Don't be afraid to share what you have learned!

But never impose beyond your personal right to live. Nothing teaches an individual more than a personal experience.

We each take our own paths, and each take our own lessons in life, in forms that we are ready to understand.

And if advice or conversation cannot help your case with them, then you've done your part.

All you need to do is live your life and live it honestly enough for it to speak for itself

2018-10-24 07:00 Philippines Wednesday

[aitian]

12:56am

1/21/21

this is abt who im from. this question was posed recently by prof aj in the zora class. previously i had been asked this in the laundromat project workshop. i guess it is a popular activist activity. idk i think it is just ok. fucking sucks. or, the answers that feel acceptable suck. it's abt who do u love, who do u feel accountable to.. not who has been around or who has created hurt.

rly anxious this week with school. prof tadiar was rly an asshole academic in that first discussion & made me feel so upset. i hate that i have to weather these storms alone. that's a problem. why cant i have support in the ways i feel & think, & my frustrations & struggles with continuing to live? feel a lot of resentment toward friends at arms length, my choices that lead me to dead ends, the toxic ecologies i have always been navigating & trying to find a shred of hope in. mom is still my best friend, & i want her to be. just wish my pod were not so upsettingly small. days feel like nothing again & again, maybe incarcerated folks know the feeling of wasting away, like time doesn't matter at all bc my seconds r impossible & trapped from shifting my futures.

on the subject-

i hate who im from. its shitty. idk much abt my family, need to read hartmans lose ur mother. realized im only comforted by the presence of black girls in my classes & also a little anxious abt their politics too. like they r the only other ppl who might try to keep me safe but we also all go to this shit school & there r a set of beliefs tied to our paths to get here. also always fighting taking advantage, just both being here, realizing i need & other ppl need things that just align & that doesn't have to mean any more than a piece of my gratitude. but yea just scared of white folks, more recently just wanna fight, idk im ready to win battles & get punished for failing to do shitty stupid things. stop feeling embarrassed or shameful. no don't stop. but know that those feelings just mean getting punished, not doing wrong. & stab those motherfuckers back. the complex part of who im from is this little family, nuclear immigrant family, a house & some walls, toxic toys & racist books & video games & so many soft things, fabrics, textures, smells.. the world for so long that is not bigger than this is smth i felt love for. love not in the way that is full of intended meaning & adopted rituals. but possibly rituals & rehearsals that r really mine. things we felt ashamed of & were shamed for when we left. i always felt that outside the home was just a world of troubles. things that corrupt us, make us feel hurt & feral, things that eat away mercilessly & make us less possible in our precious moments.

that home is still here! its here. im in it. why do i still feel so impossible? is it messed up to think that we have all been outside too much? i don't think any of our faults r our faults. i don't wanna go to school. mom & dad r getting old. that one is so so scary. fuck. i don't want to grow up. i don't. im so sorry that i feel this way. sorry to the kid i should have loved more, & the kid im struggling to love today. im so sorry. still. i don't have regrets bc they r stupid, but i do wish things were different. hope they can become different. not in the ways that ppl r so good at finding solutions to their problems. the problems feel bad, & they should feel bad. they should definitely not feel easy or pleasurable. i want to feel more possible. i want to be less alone. those two things r intensely related, & im not sure how to move toward those futures. isn't that messed up? who r my mothers? who am i from?

fuckign sucks.

[pacman-tattoo]

All even? O:

under the cut since it got long

2. Favorite part of writing.

idk. maybe just being able to share a vision while also letting other people imagine things as they want? if that makes sense???

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

mmm….. i guess sometimes i’ll play certain songs/albums?

as in i basically listen to bmc on repeat sometimes when i’m stuck

6. Favorite character you ever created.

:0 i love jaden!!! my son!!! a good boy

other than that, i rly loved writing charlotte and joanne when i wrote countdown even tho they weren’t too prominent since they weren’t the main focus

8. Favorite trope to write.

can i count the new kid in school as a trope

thats a trope tho right

that one

i like it.

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.

can i say i’d write a romance book with literally anyone that i’m mutuals w/ that write????

or any book. romance would be the best option imo but i’d be down for anything

12. How do you deal with self-doubts?

i dont

i technically bottle them up and they they overflow at fuck me up but

uh. alright so.

whenever i start having self-doubts about writing, sometimes i’ll just kinda… leave my writing alone for a while? like, sometimes i’ll end up taking a step back and basically seek some validation somewhere else maybe talk it out with someone else?

other than that, i’ll either push myself to keep writing since it’ll distract me from my doubts.

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

i was about to say something else but.

alright.

countdown. that one rich soulmate fic?

i literally found what would have been the hospital rich was at (it wasn’t a hospital, but it shared the name), figured out how long it would take to get there and back by train, looked up train schedules + ticket prices, and basically how to get to the medical center from one of the train stations there

that’s the first thing that came to mind tbh. i’ve probably done more in the past but idk

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

nonexistent.

ok no it’s more of me glimpsing over my writing before posting it

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

kk. from my poly fic:

       A week later and you’re already buried in your work. The contents of your room have practically been shoved into the closet as you invested all your time into each little detail in each costume. You spent your days either working on small details while in different classes, spray painting shoes during drama, or scribbling in answers to homework due the next period (or day, if you were lucky), courtesy of Christine. If you had a chance, you’d crash on the small, cheap couch in the drama room for a bit, and then you were back home and sewing and (rarely) burning your fingers on hot glue.

       It was hell, but it was worth it.

there u go.

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you?

ok it legit depends. usually my first draft is the draft since almost everything i post on this account is a rough draft tbh (which is also the reason why i get so much writing done tbh)

which sucks because you babes deserve so much better tbh i still dont see why you guys follow me if u want me to be honest

but anyway

i’ll usually rewrite something once or twice if it doesn’t stick the very first time. (aka this is what’s going on with control pt.2)

24. Poetry or prose, and why?

prose. im bad at poetry + im not a huge fan of poetry in general so :/

26. Standalone or series, and why?

probably standalone stuff, but series can be good sometimes. mainly standalone because i don’t have to really consider another part - most of the stuff that i wrote more than one part for i actually didn’t plan for a second part

stuff like Fish Out of Water and Control were things i kinda knew i’d have more than one part once i finished em

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

it’s not a single line but the i love you from michael at the end of Third Wheel

i think about it since it’s such a sweet, simple line tbh?

34. Handwritten notes or typed notes?

typed bc my handwriting is b a d

36. A spoiler for story _________.

Control Pt.2:

get ready for some shit to haunt you.

also, being sick can honestly build some bonds between ppl. nothing like texting each other complaining about being sick as fuck.

38. Have you shared your outline of your story ________ with someone? If so, what did they think of it?

i’ve shared my christine fic plans with scott!! he found the idea cute

plus i shared a michael fic idea with lucky and they basically pushed me to write it (since i was kinda :/ about writing it??? they basically made me decide to so

42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc.

for my ocs that i don’t rly talk about here: i usually draw their personality, looks, ect. from a single idea. jaden came from me wanting to write a more bookish character. welton came from the idea of me wanting to make a gamer, essentially. sachiyo came from a self insert and evolved from there.

for the ocs that i put in my fics: i don’t really have concrete looks for them - you guys can imagine them however you want! sometimes i might reference them twirling hair around their finger or a tattoo or dimples or something - but for the most part, you guys can legit imagine them however. personality usually draws from what the reader needs, in a sense?

44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

i dont even know tbh

46. What would your story _______ look like as a tv show or movie?

uhhh

i have a Really old project called To Perdition and Back which follows a man named Carson as he and his team basically saves ppl from a sort of purgatory???

it would basically deal with his personal struggle. he had an affair with ivan, a man at his work who died during one of their expeditions - and the fact his wife is basically never there for him or his kids, which causes a bit of a strain on the family itself.

the tv show would basically follow carson + his team tbh? plus there’d be subtle hints leading toward the fact that (spoiler) ivan isn’t dead.

the plan is that the show also has representation tbh??? i’ll talk more about it if anyone’s curious.

48. Favorite genre to write in.

uhhh romantic shit.

52. How did writing change you?

idk it basically helped me develop a coping mechanism in a way???

[chokememrstark]

A Dangerous Game

Chapter: 10/15

Words: 1593

Summary: Sam comes across a very interesting book that describes a ritual in which one can play a game with the Devil. His curiosity is sparked and even if he doesn’t think he will ever actually do it, Sam soon finds himself face to face with this very entity. Things take a very unpleasant turn, but despite that, Sam is going back, as if something pulls him towards Lucifer.

abuse, violence, bullying, black magic, no hunter!au, a lot of angst, a lot of hurt/little comfort

Note: Because I feel I need to add this: Dean is pretty much a complete asshole in this story, so if you’re uncomfortable with that you might want to reconsider reading it (or tell yourself he is completely ooc, fine with me too xD)

AO3 Link

Thanks to @sassysupernaturalsweetheart & @brieflymaximumprincess for their wonderful beta reading and keeping me company while writing this story ♥

Tagging: @spnyoucantkeepmedown @samlicker83  @wait-what5 (if you want to be tagged, just drop me an ask or contact me via IM)

As soon as Sam came back home, he took the little box out from under his bed and opened it. Inside laid the letter his mother had written for him when he had only been a few days old. His whole life he had treasured this piece of paper and anticipated the day he would finally be able to read it - and now he was about to burn the words she had directed at him, the only words he would ever have that were hers. He didn’t even know why, but he had accepted the dare…

“Don’t be mad at me mom,” Sam said and placed a kiss on the letter in his hands. “You said if I ever found what I am missing it would feel wrong and insane and that’s how this feels right now, so please forgive me. I hope I’m doing the right thing.”

He put the letter back into the box, closed it and carried it outside. In the tiny garden behind the house they lived in, Sam dug a small hole, in which he placed the box. He opened it again, took the letter out one last time and got his lighter.

“Please, let this not be a mistake,” he said and lit the letter.

Within seconds the letter was completely on fire and Sam dropped it back into the box to not burn himself. At first, only the letter burned, until suddenly the flames took over the whole box, creating a huge darting flame. It was so bright, Sam had to shield his eyes from the intensity of the light and when he dared to look again, all that was left of the box and letter was a small, gleaming pile of ashes. With a heavy heart, Sam covered the hole with the dirt next to it.

It was done, he had fulfilled the dare Lucifer gave him. Maybe one day Lucifer would tell him why he had chosen this dare, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer to this. Right now, without any explanation, it felt like a kick in the guts.

Sam stood in the night for a few minutes, silently mourning the loss of something this precious. Eventually though, when he realized standing there wouldn’t change anything, he went back inside and crawled into his bed. He really wanted to try the summoning Lucifer told him about right this second, demanding an explanation, but he was too exhausted to even give it a try.

After a strangely dreamless night, Sam woke up rather refreshed. With a clear mind, he was really glad he didn’t summon Lucifer the night before. He had been way too emotional back then and he would have probably screwed it up anyways.

Sam wasn’t surprised that Dean and his dad were still asleep - they rarely got up before noon on the weekends - so he had his peace while preparing breakfast. The last week he didn’t have a proper breakfast, so it was very nice just sitting down with toasts, some scrambled eggs and a coffee, without being disturbed. Sam took his time reading the newspaper, enjoying his meal and actually hoped for a peaceful weekend for once.

Before anyone else was able to get up, Sam retreated back to his room to not get into another argument, which immediately broke out when both Dean and John were up. Sam rolled his eyes when he heard them bicker in the kitchen again. Since they stayed rather civil so far, Sam continued cleaning up his room and shifting stuff around. He wasn’t the most tidy person, but at the moment his room resembled a garbage can and he really wanted it clean for… well, for reasons. No, so far he didn’t allow himself to acknowledge why he wanted it clean, even if it was pretty obvious.

When everything was done and the two blockheads still argued, Sam groaned frustrated. One damn quiet weekend, did he ask for too much? Couldn’t they get a beer each and shut up for a few minutes, just for a change? Sam really tried to ignore them, he knew shit would hit the fan if he didn’t, but at one point he just lost his patience.

“Can you two shitheads just shut the fuck up for one day?” he yelled as loud and angry as he could, instantly shocked by his own reaction. “Shit…” he whispered.

It was dead silent outside, way too silent for this to turn out well. Sam quickly jumped off his bed and locked his door in case it was about to get real. He stayed at the door, waiting for something to happen, but for a while the same creepy silence stayed.

“This little…” he suddenly heard his brother hiss, followed by heavy steps into his direction, which caused him to quickly push away from the door.

“Dean, get a hold on yourself!” John said, but made no effort to hold his older son back.

“Come out of your room, you little coward!” Dean yelled through the door and began banging on it with his fist.

“Fuck off!” Sam spat back, as angry as before. He knew Dean wouldn’t manage to break down the door, even if he was shaking - both from anger and being scared shitless - he would not shut up this time.

“You think you can talk like that to me, you little shit?”

“Hell yes, I do! You’re an asshole, why don’t you piss off and find someone else to terrorize?”

“Oh, really? What are you going to do? Summon your imaginary friend to kick my ass?”

Sam huffed, now both angry and spiteful. How dare he… how dare he fucking say things like that?

“Yeah, maybe I’m gonna do that!” he eventually yelled back, hands balled to fists and ready to fight. “Someone finally needs to hand you your shitty ass on a plate!”

At this, Dean began kicking at the door, which finally caught their dad’s interest again and he interfered.

“Enough, you two!” he commanded with his army-voice. “Dean, get the hell outta here before I forget myself! And Sam, open the damn door, now!”

“No way! I won’t open the door until this asshole is gone!” Sam wouldn’t allow Dean to get in, no matter how much his dad thought he had him under control - he hadn’t.

John argued with Dean again, but this time their conversation was short and it only lasted a few minutes before Dean stormed off angrily and smashed the door out again.

“Now, open the door, kid, or I’ll make you!” John commanded again and Sam finally obeyed. His dad stepped into his room, arms crossed and an angry look on his face. “What did your brother talk about imaginary friends?”

“Oh come on!” Sam groaned. “He’s insane, don’t you see that? He’s annoying me all the time, it’s not funny anymore!”

“What was he talking about, Sam? I want an answer.”

“He found a book I had to read for school and mocks me for it, that’s all!” Sam lied blatantly. “He said I’m trying to make friends with the devil, I told you he’s going nuts!”

“And, are you?” John asked serious and Sam looked at him in complete disbelief.

“Are you kidding me, dad? What do you think I am, some kind of satanist?”

“Well, you certainly look like one,” John scoffed and eyed his son suspiciously. “I better not find any dead animals or shit in your room, or you’ll get the beating of your lifetime.”

“I’m not running around, killing animals and summoning the devil, geez!” Sam threw his hands in the air overly dramatic, sat down on his bed and crossed his arms. “I just want to be left alone, that’s all.”

“I’ll have an eye on you, Sam.”

“Yeah, whatever…”

His dad stayed for a moment longer, inspecting his son and the room, then left and shut the door behind him. Sam fell onto his back in a huge relief. Thank God he had cleaned up before! If not, his dad would have seen the book on his bed and the candle stumps in front of it, that would have ended in a catastrophe. Not that this topic was over now, but at least he wasn’t bleeding in a corner, begging for his life to end just now.

Summoning Lucifer now, with his dad being as suspicious as this, was not a good idea. Still, Sam needed to talk to someone and there was no one else he had. If Lucifer got angry, he could just ask him to end it, right? Maybe he would do it quickly, without torturing him too much. It wasn’t that he wanted to die, not really, but he would rather die on his own terms if he had to.

Sam knew he had to be very careful, but he wanted to speak to Lucifer as soon as possible. His perfect opportunity came three hours later, when his dad got a call. He came to Sam’s room, informed him that he had to work in the town a few miles away for a few days and would leave some money home, so the boys could get food. Sam nodded and tried to look as sad as he could, even asking what he should do if Dean decided to let his anger out on him. At this, John smiled and told him not to worry, his brother wouldn’t do anything. Sam really didn’t believe him, but still nodded dutifully and watched his dad leave.

[philanddanxreader]

Marked

Hello, love bugs!

Phil x Reader

I wrote this a long time ago but never finished it. Anyway, here it is! suprise im not dead.

warnings- Fluff 

I have always wanted to write one of these but I never had an idea.

One of those tattoo soulmate AUs with Phil where reader has been friends with Phil for a few months and one day he manages to catch a glimpse of the mark on reader's shoulder blade and he feels kinda awkward and doesn't say anything because he's a lot older than the reader and he thinks that maybe he didn't see the mark correctly but they do match? And after like, a week he finally mentions it and much cuteness follows.- Anonymous 

It was a regular Tuesday for yourself and Phil. The new normal for the both of you started right after you had gotten out of school. You were in your first year of university and met Phil through a project that the university was hosting. Essentially the program put a first year with someone who had their English literature degree. This was a program for the best of the best and you happen to be one of the lucky students. 

Today was no exception to the normalcy that you had created with Phil. You would take a bus to Phil and Dan’s shared apartment to get to work on your classes. As you stood outside of Phil’s door you started to feel the heat from the building creep its way into your sweater so you decided to roll up your sleeves to help with the heat.

“Hello y/n, Happy Tuesday!” Phil was too adorable for his own good. You would never let anyone know but after these few months of working together, you started to have some sort of feelings. You almost felt like getting to know Phil was meant to be.

“Hey, Phil. How was your weekend?” Phil had pushed the door out of your way so you could come into the doorway. 

“It was really good. I actually went back home to spend some time with my parents.” you started to take off your shoes as Phil recounted his weekend adventure. 

“Sounds lovely I miss being able to go to my parents. It’s hard when you move to a university far away from home.”

“I was terribly homesick my first year but I eventually made a family at university and it started to feel more like home. Well, shall we go to the living room and see how your essay is going?” 

“Yes, just a fair warning there's a lot of hidden meanings in the stupid poem and I think it may be the death of me if I have to over analyse it one more time.” this makes Phil laugh. 

“Come, I will read it while you make us some coffee.” You agree nodding. once you are set up and give Phil your laptop you make your way to the kitchen to make some warm beverages. 

“Phil,” You pause waiting for his response.

“Yes dear.” Phil was obviously eating from the bag of marshmallows you had brought.

“Why are we drinking coffee when it’s freaking hot in this place?” 

“ I think better with a warm drink in my hand. Plus I just started reading this essay and I know I'm going to need all the brain power I can get.” You quickly peek your head back into the living room to give him a death glare so he knows your not playing. Phil, of course, doesn't take your threatening glare seriously and just laughs it off as he eats another marshmallow from the bag.

“You win this time.” you quickly set back to work finishing up the two drinks making sure to put two sugar and one splash of milk in his mug. As you reenter the room you can’t help but smile as you see Phil sitting on the couch giggling to himself from reading your writing.

“You’re the only person I know who can put so much personality into an English literature essay.” Phil gladly takes the mug from your outstretched hand. You decide to sit across from Phil in the chair. Before sitting down however you decide it’s finally time to shed you the warm sweater.You hadn’t planned your outfit all that properly as the only thing under near your cosy sweater was a tank top. You were just turning around to face Phil again when you see he’s making some sort of face. 

“What? Is there a bug on me? Because if there is and you’re just sitting there watching I am going to be royally pissed.” 

“no, it’s not that.” Phil says placing his hands in the air in defence.”I just never noticed your mark before. It’s really different.”

“Oh this,” your hand swipes over your shoulder blade in the strange ritual you have gotten so used to over the years. “My mum says that she has never seen such a crazy mark. Maybe it’s just because I'm extra special.” You smile sitting down in the chair taking extra care not to startle your drink. 

“You are very special.” With that, the room gained a new quiet.The quiet wasn’t necessarily awkward but more of a silence that left both people knowing that something more was wanted to be said. 

Hours had passed since you had arrived at Phil’s the two of you had managed to fix your essay in record time. It was a great essay and thankfully Phil understood how to over-analyse the crap out of writings so there wasn't a problem there. 

“Well, I suppose I should start heading home. It’s already eight and I still haven't eaten.” Phil was starting to act strangely since the two of you had finished fixing your work. You couldn't put your finger on it. Maybe he was just tired from the travel from his parents back to London. 

“It is getting quite late. I will walk you out.” You nod gathering your things. then continue to walk to the front door. 

Phil turned to you at the door holding out your sweater for you to put it on. You didn't think anything of the gesture and continued to put your arms into the soft item. Phil, on the other hand, had other intentions besides being polite. Phil had to confirm what he saw earlier. Your marking was honestly something like he had never seen before on anyone else. He had however seen it on his own shoulder. Once you're reached back to finally put your arms in the sleeves he had confirmed his suspicions. Phil and yourself have the exact marking on your shoulder blades.

 A few days went past without any reply back from Phil. It was pretty out of the ordinary for him. You actually went as far as texting Dan to make sure he hadn't poisoned himself from on of his houseplants and was laid out in his room dead from his new ficus. Dan had replied that Phil had been saying he was sick and was staying in his room sleeping and hiding under the covers. In reality, Phil was actually hiding from Dan and y/n under the covers saying he was sick. He was sick but not with a cold or anything contagious. He was sick to his stomach every time he thought about the fact that he had finally found his soul mate and she was so much younger than himself. He felt like some kind of perv when he had first started getting to know you because he truthfully had felt some attraction towards you. Now he knew why he felt such a strong pull to such a young girl. You were of legal age so it’s not like it would be wrong technically, but morally he was feeling a slight amount of remorse. After a week of avoiding your texts and calls, he decided it was time to finally stop keeping you on the line. Phil dialled your phone number into his phone waiting as each ring continued just as his butterflies started to get the best of him and he was ready to hang up the phone you answered. 

“Y/N! I’m so glad you are calling me! I honestly thought you had died or something.” Phil had to take a deep breath making sure his voice would betray his nerves. 

“Nope, i’m alive, and well. look, Y/N we have to talk about something. Would mind coming over in a little bit?”

“Not a problem! Is it about my Essay I emailed you? Thanks again for even looking at it while sick in bed you really didn't have to. What time should I come over? Phil usually didn’t have a problem understanding you when you were talking so fast but his brain just couldn't stop from being so foggy. 

“Just come over at three. We can talk about everything then. I will see you soon.” Phil didn’t know what to expect or what to say be he did know that this would be a difficult conversation.