#maybe i need better friends
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i need to be murdered like it's religion
#i am a bad person#and i feel like the only two people who truly like me are that 17 y/o who has/had a crush on me#and a friend i really don't like all that much#idk man i just want to be loved#maybe i need better friends#this is all /nbh btw#love you all mwah
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we were doing a photoset for graduation and the photographer asked me to smile. i am terrible at faking a smile so it looked very unnatural. she asked someone to make me laugh so i asked my friend to tell a joke. he fucking said "your gpa"
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sometimes i feel like people don't realize that i've changed so much in the past 6 months. like i went through one bad breakup as a teenager with so much more life to live and so many more people to meet and suddenly any romantic (or platonic, tbh) endeavor i try to pursue is deemed "unhealthy"
you'd think dropping my childhood best friends would signal that i know how to communicate my boundaries and shit but ig not. wowww thanks guys for giving me the advice that i've already given myself bc i've taken time to look back on the situation and heal on my own!!!!
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Day 16: My saviour
#daily isabeau#isat#in stars and time#isat fanart#isat isabeau#art#isabeau pre change i guess?#that's who the other person is if it's not obvious#i had a better version of this in mind but i couldn't find a good reference for the pose i wanted#anyway#do you ever think about how much isabeau's character is based around other people?#there's the obvious isafrin but most of his moments in the game as well as a lot of his personality is based on helping others#he didn't have many (if any) friends growing up#i think what he needed back then was a supportive friend who would be there for him always#so he changed and grew to be the kind of person he needed growing up#to be the kind of person that would have befriended him when he was on his own#maybe he believes the only kind of person that would have been there for him#is someone who doesn't think about themselves?#someone who always puts others first#is the only kind of person who could be friends with someone like him#and he didn't get that#so he became that#but it still feels like he's neglecting the lonely kid who needed him in the first place#i feel like he'd realize this eventually#but i'd love to see him when he's fully himself
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Kevin watching Jean ask Jeremy if he's okay, watching Jean offer to hold Laila's bag so she can fix her shoe, watching Jean hand Cat a granola bar before a game because she looked a little unsteady. He's not jealous, he had his time by Jean's side. Maybe it's grief. Grief for something that was never so innocent, never so untouched by cruel hands, something that could've been better if they were anyone else. Grief for something that's long passed and can never be fixed to be made better than before. He had his time at the receiving end of Jean's concerned glances. Maybe he's just a little sad that when he's at an away game, he no longer buys post cards for a friend. Maybe he just misses this person who used to always be by his side but they both knows it's better this way. Jean is happy, it's not with Kevin, and that's okay.
#god i need to stfu#but i just like the idea of a kevin who knows that jean is in a better place physically emotionally spiritually whatever#and he knows that it's a good thing and he loves seeing his friend like this#he's not jealous but maybe he thinks about how that could've been them in another life#just a little sorrowful at the thought that once they knew everything about each other and now they can hardly hold a conversation#bittersweet feelings over burnt bridges and bad blood#its no ones fault and they know this#Kevin just wants his friend to be happy#listen i think we as a community could explore this dynamic more#does this even make sense#aftg#all for the game#the foxhole court#tsc#jean moreau#kevin day
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Art collab with DantesHiding on twitter!1!!
#click for better quality#Hazbin Hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#Hazbin Hotel Alastor#Hazbin Hotel Lucifer#Alastor#Lucifer Morningstar#RadioApple#Alastor my beloved#sooo proud of how he turned out#i need those two to become enemies to friends#to maybe something else...#leaf art#fixed it a bit more
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Playing together as real friends
#veearts#south park#eric cartman#leopold butters stotch#butters#clyde frog#sp fanart#fan art#uhm so basically the new special had me thinking#and I think it would be so nice...if now that erics getting better#that these two became actual friends and stuff#and butters would be like the friend he needs so badly#he would enjoy all the things about Eric everyone bullied him for#such as his plushies and his littles silly games#maybe butters would help him find a new Clyde frog or make one somehow#they r important to me...they r so weird kids and they gotta stick together..
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the interesting thing about we are is that i believe it's the first bl i've ever seen that truly has one main character. there is a reason why phuwin is the most overworked of them all and why he jokingly complained about the fact that pond wasn't suffering nearly as much as he was, even though he is his on-screen partner. and there is a reason why phuwin said that peem is also the audience in a way because he kind of gets to witness and react to almost everything that happens in the series.
the world of we are is built around peem: it's him and his boyfriend and his best friend and his best friend's boyfriend and the rest of his friends and also his boyfriend's friends. even the things that are seemingly not connected to peem in a particularly direct way are still somehow influenced by him or perceived by him, e.g. tanfang happens because phum agrees to help tan hit on fang in return for meeting up with peem, and then when tan spills the beans about them dating, peem's reaction is centered slightly more than anyone else's, even though there are people who are closer to fang and similarly close to tan in that scene. and though we get insight into phum's life too, for instance, that still somehow circles back to peem, e.g. most phumfang scenes are them literally discussing peem or talking about their parents, which still comes back to phumpeem, as phum's family problems have a huge effect on the boys' relationship.
peem is the sun of the show, and the rest are planets revolving around him or moons of the planets revolving around him in one way or another.
#maybe slightly hypocritical of me to be like 'and i'm fine with that!' cause my favourite characters are the main character and his bf#i lucked out there#but structurally this is very interesting to me#and i think this is the reason why we are manages to center friendship better than almost any other series#because peem specifically is the main character as opposed to peem and phum for example#so there is none of that initial disbalance that obviously exists when two characters who are romantically involved are mains#they don't necessarily need to put extra effort into remembering about friendship and friend groups#because the series is focusing on what is important to peem#which is his friends and his boyfriend in equal measure obviously#we are the series#archer speaks
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live drama adaptations part 2 (prev)
cast reveal and girls movie night 🔥
#i actually had the first three pages done for like. months now. and then i just forgot 🧍♂️#theres one more part to this but as to when ill finish that. haha#duck scribbles#minicomic tag#midoyuzu#and a bit of tomohaji on the side#doodles#enstars#midori takamine#hajime shino#yuzuru fushimi#tori himemiya#ibara saegusa#this is. a lot better quality than the first initial one amsdkjgshdgsmd i kindaa wanna redo it but its already a multiple part one i dont#think ill do that to myself rn akjdgskjwkjgjkd#its been 8 months i doubt anyone would remember the initial one but its ok u dont have to read it#i completely made up this manga and am now a little sad its not a thing that exists#i wish haruno was a real character i could post mangacaps of#thought too hard about it and there isnt any way to fit it into here but there is also a fourth character harunos childhood gyaru friend#also in love w her. she ends up having some sort of alliance with naoto but obviously its in vain too but its all chill#manga ends with haruno opening her dream cafe and asahi later joins her there after training a new team to take care of their old one#naoto becomes a regular there also w his new bf :] happy ending !!!#wow i have drawn Way too much lately. forgive me for such behavior ill probably be posting a lot less from here on out askjdgksjhgs#needed the food for when im away from my laptop for a week....#guess ill never get to finish that other lil comic i had planned for that sleepover drawing i made back during rarepair week </3#does anyone actually read these anyhow. i talk too much maybe
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :
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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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One wish I have for the Mighty Nein series is that Caduceus does not know how to fight at all.
Like not even a little bit. Like he’s completely useless in a bar fight.
Like, I want him in the fights, don’t get me wrong. I want them to show him cancelling crits somehow, like one of the Mighty Nein is about to be fucking destroyed and vines form around them and yank them back or something. I want them to show him casting holy weapon on Beau’s hands. Maybe he creates some fun shields when things attack.
But most of the time in battle, especially at the beginning, when he’s the new guy, I want him to be the most cringe-fail fighter to ever exist. I want them to get into a fight with pirates and just get knocked unconscious in one punch. I want them to rush out and accidentally steal that boat and realize they left Caduceus behind on the dock bc he didn’t know what was happening.
My man grew up as a healer and a graveyard attendant. If this boy threw a punch he’d break his hand on the other guy’s jaw. But don’t worry because he’d never think to throw a punch anyway.
In the game, he needed to do some fighting sometimes. But in the show, I think he should just hide away for nearly every battle. He should not cause a single drop of blood. Even when he’s angry. He’s the healer. Not because of the god he worships (she’s actually a freak) but because of a personal choice.
The only time he should attack is if they show the scene with sheep Caleb.
#critical role#caduceus clay#mighty nein series#but IMAGINE you guys#season 2#the group needs a healer#maybe jester and fjord are sick from their time in the iron shepherds#they are in mourning#and there’s the mysterious man who lives in a graveyard#and they get there#and he’s this pastel healer boy#and he’s like ‘I wanna come with you’#‘can you fight?’#‘no’#‘then what purpose do you serve in the group?’#‘oh I’m your greif councilor’#‘yes fjord you went through something terrible and your friend died’#‘but have you considered releasing a sea monster would perhaps not make it better’#‘here I found you a new sword. rebound sword if you will’#‘now go off to battle friends I’ll cook dinner’
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Ok but how did ace even get a girlfriend in the first place? Did she confess and he just went along with it? Did he think having a girlfriend would make him seem cooler? Was it a dare or something? Cause for someone like ace to just go ghost on her and not have an actual talk, kind of makes me feel like these two were not friends before they were partners.
So then, fast forward to nrc, ace is trying so hard to lose the feelings he has for his best friend. Because that's all they are: friends, homies, if you (duece) will. Yuu has the cream of the crop to pick from, he's kind of at a disadvantage here.
Plus, whose to say their entire dynamic won't change the second they get together? He doesn't want to get bored and start to hate one of his dearest friends by proxy, so might as well just play it safe and suffer a little than take that risk and the both of you suffer a lot 🤷♂️.
Meanwhile yuu, who still has their old phone/mp3 player, has been playing Jenny by Studiokillers on repeat. Lying in their bed, just down horrendous for this absolute ball of boyish mischief. How dare he, honestly?
Well. At least he gives them a lot of openings to flirt with him?
*disclaimer, I was home schooled so my actual knowledge about middle school dating is beyond non-existent so take what I say with a grain of salt
The information we get about Ace's girlfriend comes from his suitor suit vignette and he does not mention how they actually got together, just some of the things that they did and how boring Ace thought all of them were. And I agree! The way they broke up does not make it sound like they were friends before dating, though they could have been casual acquaintances. The way Ace likes to goof around makes me think he was probably pretty popular, and had a lot of those types of relationships. His description of the relationship makes me think he probably went out with her because he thought she was cute and that it would be fun to have a girlfriend, but didn't actually stop to think about who she was as a person or what dating actually means. And hey, he was in middle school. He was going to be a bit stupid about those sort of things. The experience seems to have made him think a lot about what he wants in a partner, and we know from Ortho he was telling the truth when he's forced to spell it out:
His voice lines flesh out what he wants a bit more; he says he thinks it's important to find someone you have fun with and that he wants to get married later in life. So Ace knows what he wants... he just gets really embarrassed when called out on it and refuses to talk honestly about his feelings (though he kind of does that in general hehe)
So flashing forward to NRC. Ace knows what he wants and Yuu is such a perfect fit it hurts. Best friends to lovers is a popular trope in fiction sure, but in real life? At a school? Yeah right, Ace still has to see them every day if they break up, and not to mention... I feel like Ace, Deuce, Grim, and Yuu sort of fell into their dynamic almost immediately after the mine adventure and didn't ever stop to think about it because of how natural the friendship felt. And Ace knows if things end badly he's losing the whole squad, so yeah. Better to just swallow this and stay where he is. He's still in school! He doesn't need to think about dating! He's got a housewarden to surpass, upperclassmen he admires, and a bunch of idiots to take care of. He can worry about dating later. Besides, these feelings will go away after graduation he's delusional sure of it!!!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch Ramshackle Yuu is literally in a living hell. Maybe they're a bit more emotionally mature than Ace and they just know this could work out but THEY CAN'T TELL IF HE LIKES THEM BACK BECAUSE HE KEEPS GETTING SHY AND MAKING JOKES FML!!!! But like he also lets them steal his gym shirt :ccc and he gets pouty when someone else makes an offer :ccc and really smug when Yuu says no ccc: so like maaaybe? Or maybe not and this meaningless flirting is all they'll ever have and they just. Try to be ok with it and they sort of hate themselves for it.
until Sebek properly joins the friend group and looses his fucking shit
#<3 asks#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#ace trappola x reader#aceyuu#ace trappola#had a thought insp by mochi's request they did for me that um#if crowley is malleus's dad#and he's trying to resurrect his mom#there could be parallels between him and ace in a timeloop aceyuu au#they both have a love taken from them by fate#they both have a friend who they've helped inspire to be better that they are forced to abandon#maybe out of fear they won't approve of their methods#maybe out of fear that they will#also started thinking about the steadfast tin soldier and using that as symbolism for aceyuu (i am down bad)#(i have other things i need to do)#(like fix my masterlist jesus)
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folie pin idea!! 🧸❤️🐻
#think these would need to be sold as a set right ?#like would anyone want a single. or to maybe order one 2 their house and the other to a friend or partner ??#whatever they will probably need to be packaged separately anyway bc im unlikely to find a business card big enough for both#my art#fall out boy#the text could potentially be swapped around if ppl think the other way would fit better#i just put half doomed first bc of the lyric order
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thank god for the rarity of befriending ppl you really click with. It hadn't happened to me in so long... <- and this will start making you feel like you're unlovable and that there's something wrong with u
#the good thing: having more friends who u click with and communicate well with‚ makes having friends that#you aren't as close with easier. i kept struggling so much meeting new people and not really having the same Chatter's Mindset#and feeling bad that I couldnt make more close friends or BE close friends with these ppl#the bad thing: its insanely difficult to find these friends. at this point i only have 2. older + recent.#oh wait expanding on the Good Thing: it also feels better bc it makes you more aware and ok with friends fulfilling different needs#(and accepting u maybe only fulfill one section of theirs)#when you have a Closer Friend to turn to for the things u really really need#does that make sense? i make friends that fill different interests and needs#but id still feel very lacking in some areas#now that i have More Friends that fill those areas i feel less bad about the other friendships and how i must not be good#enough/I'm Not Normal and Can't Make Friends etc#talkys
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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thinking about that line in existence when mulder is asked how he found scully and william without coordinates and he says "there was a light. I followed it" and I really love that line because just...look. the man has been chasing lights in the sky since he was 12 years old. he's been running after ufos trying to find his sister, trying to find the truth, searching for a meaning in it all. he has been following lights his entire life and they led him to scully. they led him to his son. they led him to his family. like he always wanted to believe they would.
#does this make sense#the x files#msr#I think this was actually intended as a biblical reference bc william is jesus or whatever#but I don't think that really mattered in the end#(and I like my interpretation better personally)#I made a joke to my friend earlier 'maybe the real truth was the friends we made along the way'#but was that not actually the whole point#admittedly I haven't seen season 9 in a very long time#but I think there's something beautiful about searching for something you never quite find#instead the journey was what you really needed#sometimes I think too hard about mulder and scully and my brain just does this#my friend is watching s8 for the first time and I just started s1 for the fourth time#so the dichotomy we've got going on is. quite interesting
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