#maybe i am influenced by years at working shelters but like

[glittery-sublime-perfection]

i respectfully disagree somewhat

i think society has this obsession with being against pedophilia and preventing it when its theoretical, while at the same time they also turn against actual victims quickly.

so in this way, yes i agree that pedophilia is basically de-facto accepted against girls with the justifications you say.

is similar how to they DO care about pedophilia of men on girls... if its against a group of men they want to persecute. lots of weird racism or politics centers on stopping "pedophiles" of the opposing race or political party... like the americans with pizzagate, or blood libel, using accusations of pedophilia to justify lynchings, etc.

does not mean they care about girls. they care about weaponizing it.

and when men rape boys, they are weaponizing it for homophobia. they use this as an excuse to keep ppl scared of homosexuals and justify oppression. they use it to create disgust for homosexuals.

but if you notice, those boys are not given support. they are still the target of jokes. ppl make crude jokes about altar boys and shit all the time.

also. they dont care when females rape boys. so its not caring for "innocence" or humanity of boys that drive things. AND if boy was already gay/bi you can see caring also drop off entirely even if abuser was man or women - sexual abuse of gay/bi boys is very high but they never make a big thing of those cases.

this does not take away from how bad it is for girls, bc abuse of girls is way more rampant. but i think essentially conservative view of society is selfish and self-justifying... if someone is a victim, they deserve it, and wanting pity is pathetic. but they are not above using them for their own agenda is all.

I think this is very mixed into just world fallacy that conservatives have. bc even ppl with genuine compassion just treat it as like... well its not an issue to look too deeply in, itll work itself out. and ppl with no compassion instead use it for their agenda.

call me crazy but i genuinely think most people (conservatives) only care about pedophilia as long as its adult male on boy . once it is a man doing it to a girl all you hear is batshit insane justifications like "but she looked much more mature" "dont ruin his life" or will write the creepiest things abt how actually its normal for men to be pedofiles becuase fertility or women become unattractive after 30 blablabla. its disgusting . what are your thoughts radblr ? someone who is more articulate than me ?

[pinkamour1588]

Sad thoughts about Henry and Philip's uni friend

I made myself sad the other night thinking about Henry’s first time and Philip’s piece of shit friend from uni…and proceeded to make some other people sad about it on discord, so now I’m making it available to everyone here to be sad about it too. (I am going to just refer to the man as POS for the sake of simplicity/cause he doesn’t have a name.)

I imagine it was a “more than one night” kind of thing, and Henry believed on some level that he loved this man. This man paid him attention, not in a “because he was a prince or Philip’s little brother” way. This man sweet talked him and made empty promises. And Henry's a romantic, and the idea even back then that maybe, just maybe, he could at least be himself behind closed doors was exciting. 

This experience of “falling in love” with this man influenced Henry’s fear of falling in love with Alex, and Alex falling in love with him, because Henry was at a very formable/impressionable stage of life when he was taken advantage of, and the empty promises POS made to him sound similar to the very real, concrete promises Alex makes to Henry.

And this is not to mention that Alex goes from wanting “to figure out which shadowy gay noble taught Henry this and send the man a fruit basket” the first time they have sex to Henry telling him “I took my first time, with one of my brother’s mates from uni when I was seventeen, and I found the smallest, most cramped little broom cupboard I could muster, and I shoved it in.” Alex went from wanting to “buy the man a fruit basket” to learning that first man was someone in his early-mid 20s who went after a teenager. 


I also made myself sad thinking about Henry telling Alex about the man, unpacking for potentially the first time what the hell happened with POS, and low level brushing it off saying how he was just being stupid and idealistic and Alex just looking at him and going "Shit, Henry, no. You were a child" This potentially happening when Henry turns the same age as POS was and becomes truly horrified as he fully realizes how fucked up it was for that man to want anything to do with a teenager. Henry’s work at the shelters also make him very aware of just what 17-year-olds are like and how vulnerable they are, which adds to his horror. He is faced with the knowledge and realization that POS went after him because Henry was an “easy” target. Henry was vulnerable and sure as hell wouldn’t talk. 

Which then brings me to thoughts of Philip’s involvement and relation to the situation. I think he was a mix of fucking oblivious and POS knowing just how to hide what was happening between him and Henry, but mostly Philip being an oblivious dumbass. I also think it was actually fairly obvious in hindsight and if/when he and Henry actually address it, Henry straight up asking “How and why did you not do anything to stop him from getting that close and that far with me, Philip? Why did you keep bringing him around?" To Philip, Henry was actually associating with the “proper type”. 

Anyway, I know this post might be a little all over the place. I tried to organize it as cohesively as possible. 

[power-chords]

apologies if you've explained this already, but tumblr search is trash, so I have to ask... why the obsession with michael mann, how did that start?

Oh, man. It’s a long story! In the early days of the pandemic I got a call from my favorite rock musician that he had read a short essay I’d written on his solo album, and he wanted me to contribute a piece to his band’s forthcoming box set. Dream come true obviously, couldn’t say no, so I immediately buckled down on the research end, which for me involved a deeper dive into said musician’s love of film. Mann was on the list of suspects alongside more definitive entries like Coppola and Scorsese, but that turned out to be a happy accident of misreading. (Major shout out to Adam here, by the way, because without his guidance I would have been working with a much more meandering home-brewed syllabus.)

I enjoy movies like any properly adjusted American but they don’t tend to put a spell on me the way music does, or make me want to disassemble the whole contraption piece by piece like a good written story. And Mann’s work was the first time I’d ever encountered films that could have the same effect on me as music and literature. They were hypnotic and enchanting and propulsive, like my favorite records, but they also suggested this dense subterranean architecture of potential meaning, obscured from immediate view but very much there and carefully, deliberately encoded. In other words, these films were like texts imploring (really, daring) you to interpret them.

That’s Mann’s methodology in a nutshell, basically — it’s a seduction gambit, and on me it worked spectacularly! It tapped into my grotesque hedonic animal brain and sparked an intellectual curiosity as well. For me that combination has a narcotic quality that’s hard to explain, but I have an addictive personality. And the more I watched his work, the more it ensnared me like The Footage.* (“WHAT is going on? What is this film doing to me??” Etc.) You have to understand I have no prior experiential basis for this, so as far as I’m concerned it’s witchcraft. By the time I turn in my piece for the box set I have this collateral situation developing, ha ha, oh no, and here I am three years later.

Initially I had wondered if Mann had been an influence on Dulli, but it turned out to be a case of convergent evolution. Or something akin to it. I think they’re just similar in terms of what subject matter they’re attracted to, maybe in their modes of perception and how they make aesthetic/narrative sense of the world. And there is some part of me that keys into that sensibility — whichever part precedes organized expression, maybe even conscious comprehension — and finds it cathartic and liberating and all that good stuff. (I’m a Safety First adrenaline junkie these days so I try to limit my habits to art and pop culture.)

And then he and Meg Gardiner co-wrote an actual book which provoked further investigations, escalations, whatever you want to call them. It turns out that the abyss really DOES stare back into you in the form of numerous spooky historical coincidences. I’m like afraid of Heat 2 at this point because the more I go trawling around in there the more it becomes an eldritch object, LOL. I’m the closest anyone has come to living the film Jumanji, let me put it that way. But the experience has been a blast. And I feel fortunate to have found yet another creator on par with Dulli and Townshend whose work I will be able to take with me and return to over the course of my life, and seek shelter in in that way.

*EVERYBODY READ PATTERN RECOGNITION BY WILLIAM GIBSON!

[bluginkgo]

Why were the DDs sent to Copper-9?

I was going to add this to the other post of rambles and theories, but then this one got too long again. So here I am... making ANOTHER post ;w;

Spoilers duh

The absolute solver sent DDs to wipe out other potential hosts. So the entire purpose of DDs was to kill any possible solver hosts... why? Wouldn't the solver wish to have more hosts to use and take over the planet? Well, some events do explain as to why it could have possibly sent the DDs out. Here is a rough timeline I kind of made. Does it make perfect sense? Absolutely not, but this is currently what I've been working with in an attempt to explain how all of the events have come to be.

Just as Nori snapped back to herself, she tossed the crucifix into the absolute solver hole.

Perfect, its job is finished, the crucifix is in its grasp and will not be able to be used... But then how the fack did it not disintegrate during the core collapse?

And post, at least 20 years, why is it STILL in the labs? Why did the absolute solver simply not destroy it? I think something internally is keeping it from being in full control. I vaguely mentioned that the absolute solver in the core is an amalgamation of multiple drones that were tested on- at least 129 of them. Using that theory as premise, some of them might be influencing what the Absolute Solver can and can't do. While it may seem all powerful and un-killable entity, if the hive mind is what's running it, well... that might explain the strange issue of "why didn't the solver just destroy the crucifix?"

The solver lost its two powerful hosts, and they are free to roam the planet. Yes, Nori did say her memories were scrambled enough to have a kid, which implies the Absolute Solver might have had a hand in this.

But it knew this was only a temporary patch. The hosts will regain their memories slowly and attempt to free themselves from the solver. That is when it decided to send out DDs. Get rid of any potential solver hosts, so they cannot fight back against it. But how is a mere host supposed to fight against an almost god-like entity?

That is something only the solver knows. Being as logical and god-like entity it is, it knows its weaknesses. Sun and light sure is one of them, but maybe it knows something that will eradicate it much better than the sun can.

So the DDs are sent out, colonies of WD are wiped out, and spires are created. At this point the spires, in my opinion, have three functions. First, they will help with the Absolute Solver to "eat them all" as Khan put it.

This could be like areas for zombie drones to be rebooted and the Absolute Solver corrupt them. Closely followed by, melding the cores together and creating the large monster that took Earth. Second, this is a source of energy for the solver. It mentioned to N "Let's eat." So perhaps these spires have been a way for it to munch on something and grow its strength to completely destroy the planet. Third, they literally have no purpose and are there just to act as shelter for DDs from the sun and to instill fear. On multiple occasions, it's been seen that the solver likes to play around with fear and with its food. From Doll's death to the monologue that it gave to N.

All of the DDs were instructed to enter the cabin fever labs, but were soon met with the sentinels and simply could not bypass the area. So then why not just have the solver tendrils exit and drag the sentinels to the core? Well, the way I can see it, is it couldn't. It needed something else to jumpstart the reaction inside of the core once again. Just as Nori's null hand caused the core collapse, the Absolute Solver needed another catalyst. It needed another host to launch the events. Tessa entity was thus sent out. It would double as a way to bypass the security that were the sentinel, also destroying the list in the labs, and finally be used as a catalyst that will lead the "planet to eat them all."

But there was one huge hiccup in this entire plan. Uzi. A force that the Absolute Solver did not expect to fight against. So when J was killed, it sent out Tessa entity and another clone to get down to the labs. It seems that the Absolute Solver already knew, that despite Doll being very good with using the solver powers, she would ultimately be used to power the reaction just as the Tessa entity would.

Now with Uzi, it was a bit harder and more fun to play with. Just as I mentioned before, the solver enjoys toying with its pets and puppets. The solver knew it could get Uzi- and it did- but first, it wanted to have some fun.

And thus made N and Uzi battle. For the solver, there was no battle, just a simple fun scuffle as it watched N in vain to try and save Uzi. So while Doll was very methodical and easy for the solver to follow, Uzi was a bit more sporadic in her ways.

So to fight against that sporadic and wild behavior, it would scare her. Scare her, isolate her, and then use her as a host.

A way to condense this is probably as so: The Absolute Solver was not powerful enough and only could cause a core collapse, instead of taking over the planet completely. It sent out DDs to wipe the remainder hosts to avoid potential push back and eradication. But the DDs couldn't pass through the sentinel security. So it sent out Tessa entity to get by, allowed Uzi and Doll to tag along, and used them all as catalysts that will power the solver to fully corrupt the planet.

Is this anywhere near well fleshed out theory/thought? Nope, not at all. But this is my current take. Is it gonna switch up on me again? Absolutely. :3

Want more of my stupid rambles? This has 3 other parts! ;w;

[tarotcardaddict]

hi  !  excited  to  get  this  show  on  the  road,  i'm  paczki  and  i  use  they/them pronouns  and  am  excited  to  introduce  my  original  queen.  some  headcanons  can  be  found  under  the  cut  along  with  some  wanted  connections.  please  hit  the  little  heart  button  if  you're  interested  in  plotting  and  i'll  make  my  way  to  you  !

HEADCANONS

after spending four years of her life with a man named lars, amy had broken up with him due to the amount of crap that she's had to put up with. this hadn't exactly been the easiest since he manages to sweet talk his way back into a relationship with her. at the moment they are broken up.

over the years she has became really big into using tarot cards and even collecting crystals. this has became a huge source of comfort to her.

when she isn't traveling around the world or isn't working, she is still very, very active in voluntarily helping out at animal shelters && has taken several animals in until they can be fostered by someone.

while she is a pretty awesome aunt to the both of trish's kids, it also hurts spending time with them since she knows that that's something she is unable to have of her own. that isn't to say that she hasn't tried a time or two. and even though she could look into just going through an adoption agency, she hasn't exactly wanted to do that on her own so the opportunity to having children hasn't been successful.

she does, however, foster plenty of the younger wrestlers in as her children instead to make up for this factor.

believes in the wiccan services which is a form of modern paganism and is planned in connection with the phases of the moon.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

honorary daughter ( @miroirnoir ): these two originally met due to callie's at the time best friend dragging callie along to her first fan experience, which she didn't have any desire in attending, until amy recognized the shirt she was wearing, causing her to imprint on amy like a lost baby duckling since an adult took the time to validate her interests. since that point forward any time her best friend had taken her to these, she would atleast get a new photo taken with amy, which made amy actually remember her face and name. and once they met up again when callie did get into the industry, amy told her that if she needs family then she has one in her since she'd kind of got to see callie grow up anyway due to all those times they'd taken photos together from different various years.

the one that got away: while these two are no longer together, amy cannot seem to stop reminiscing about the early days of the relationship with this person. if life would of been different, she would be their girl still, and the two of them would be loyal to each other and face the world together. in this alternate existence, she would persuade them to stay with her, and she wouldn't then be describing them, mournfully, as the one who got away from her. she regrets not telling them just how much they meant to her when she had the chance to, as she’s now living with the consequences of letting them slip away.

unlikely friends: these two are the complete opposite of each other and yet somehow they���ve found their way into a quirky sort of friendship. perhaps they bicker a bit, but that’s what makes their relationship all the more interesting.

yoga buddy: someone who she could go to yoga classes with, she's a very avid goer, so maybe this person isn't as much, but she drags them along anyways or they're just as crazy about attending yoga classes.

dislike: amy tries to get along with everyone, but this person would be a special case. they just grind each other’s gears and will never stop bickering.

friend turned enemy: once upon a time these two used to be tight-knit, but that all changed along the way for whatever the reason may be and now they are enemies.

others: bad influence, enemies to friends, unrequited crush, confidant, partner in crime, frenemies, flings, someone he can be extremely affectionate with, and anything else really.

muse: amy finds muse for her lyrics in a lot of things. mainly she finds them in her own emotions, so there’s something about this person that evokes so many different feelings inside of her that she can’t help but wax poetic about them in the ways she knows how to.

[ofturmoil]

my name is [ ARABELLA KASPRAK ] … and i am from [ HELLTOWN, OHIO ] and i’m a [ DRAMA TEACHER ]. i lived in helltown for [ 21 YEARS ] because [ I WAS BORN HERE AND FORCED TO RETURN ]. i am [ 31 YEARS OLD] my pronouns are [ SHE/HER ] and i am [ EMPATHETIC, ADVENTUROUS, FEARLESS ] though some may say i’m [ TEMPERAMENTAL, SHADY, UNTRUSTWORTHY ]. i also hear i look a lot like [ MAIKA MONROE ] but, i don’t know if i see it. i’m here because [ OF FAILED CAREER  ] but, maybe there’s more to it than that. you never know with helltown.

TRIGGER WARNING: drugs, addiction, toxic family dynamics, mentions of blood

There’s a smile on your face as you watch flames devour the house from your childhood; the house that keeps coming back to you in your dreams. The house you were unable to escape. You hear your mother scream, and you laugh loudly – you catch yourself before she smacks you; before you even need a chance to explain yourself. It was involuntary; subconscious. Of course this would happen a week after you move back, you think. Nothing good ever happened here, not for you at least. As the inferno unfolds in front of you, your hand catches a lighter in your pocket and you light up a cigarette. Nothing good ever happens here, and you wish you could turn back the time.

serafina – wears a bright blazing crown of flowers and down

Born in Helltown, Ohio, Arabella was a child who was immediately introduced to a life of wealth and intellectuality: her father is still pathetically joking she learned how to say “diagnosis” before she even knew how to utter the word “mother”. She was, however, unusually gloomy for a toddler; and too depressed for a child. Arabella, softly named Bella by her nannies, was well aware of the reason why everyone thought she was different and why she felt this unbearable pressure in her chest most of the days: even if she was given everything she wanted, it was rare to receive a hug from her parents. They would, after all, rarely leave their operating rooms. Bella grew up with sitters and housekeepers, with no friends.

She’d spend most of her time watching films, dreaming of visiting Los Angeles and Nakatomi Plaza. The friends she eventually made were in the same boat as she was: the ones barely loved by their parents; the ones who found refuge in cinema and video games. 

sadie said, "i'm gonna buy us an old house in a big town where we can start a life and burn it all to the ground"

For her 18th birthday she didn’t ask for a car or an apartment – she wanted a motorbike and permission to study drama. When she was finally granted both, she left her town with two middle fingers up in the air. Hoping to never see this place again, she got on a plane and opened her eyes only when they landed. 

She led a relatively sheltered life before, and her new start in California came with a lot of changes: studies meant parties, work meant searching for another dose of adrenaline, new friendships meant one night stands. She got into the life of illegal racing during her first year, by the second she was already working as a stunt double for a small indie film. She didn’t become an actress as she wished, but what she ended up doing brought more joy than anything else. 

As she promised herself, Bella rarely visited her parents, and they weren’t exactly mad – they were more unhappy about their dauther’s career choice than that. Your sister was a lot better. Where is she. Where is she…

Bella would call sometimes, and sometimes they’d answer. She surrounded herself with the people of her choice, and some of them may not have been the best influence. 

She can’t remember when was the first time she was offered a little plastic bag, and she can’t remember when was the first time she accepted it – it could’ve been one of the races during a breezy summer night, perhaps. There’s also a chance she enjoyed it a lot more than expected – it did, unfortunately, become her road to descent. 

They all were disgusted by her bad habit, but they were happy to watch her bleed – at least as long as her career was going well. When she pawned her dignity for cash and could not remember the phone calls she would have, they’d finally become concerned. And after hours and hours of talking, they’d put her life on pause. 

That’s how her Hollywood dreams ended up in rehab. 

"people are who they are, " she said "and i want their kind of love where you're bad together and it's good"

Her rebirth tasted like blood. She couldn’t talk about it – only scream or cry. Bella had a couple of decisions to make: either stay in the city of Angels and get back to work, which, as her shrink said, was not exactly good for her health, or go back to Helltown to work as a teacher at a shitty college – a job she had already secured as there was no one else who would take it. 

It was humiliating, and yet her finally sober mind made the decision quite easily: she went back to her hometown, hoping she wouldn’t have to stay too long. Just for a bit. Just until she solves her own personal trouble she had with this town.

HEADCANONS.

Did you notice her sister was only mentioned once? Well, she doesn't like talking about her: she is (was?) one of the missing bowling alley employees and Bella is still very much grieving. Some might say her disappearance was the reason Arabella went off the rails. Give me a dynamic of someone pushing Bella to start looking for her again.

Catch her riding her bike around town at night. Yes, she’s still very much in love with speed and the rush of adrenaline it gives her.

Has been sober now for a couple of years. However, she surely went to a lot of parties back in her early twenties. Her life was very, very messy.

Does not get along with her parents at all. Even though they now live in the same town, she rarely visits them. She’d love to salvage it, but she’s not entirely sure if she’s capable of it.

Can be nice and friendly, but usually appears cold and unapproachable. She’s dripping with cynicism and gets annoyed easily. However, if she becomes your friend – you now have a person you can trust your entire life. However, she does have some trust issues. 

[beautifulsnake2162020]

Higher Intervention: Aemond x FemReader (House of the Dragon x Sandman fanfic) Part 4

Disclaimer: This is a fanwork to show appreciation for the intellectual properties used. I also haven't read Fire and Blood and most if not all that I know is from the TV show.

Premise: Alys Velaryon, older twin sister of Jace Velaryon is the only member among Rhaenyra's children whom Aemond cannot completely hate. As their love story progresses, a newer and larger threat complicates things and reveals discoveries that neither the greens or the blacks had ever imagined.

AN: Okay so this will be my last writing post for awhile till after December 17. Please wish me luck for my final exams.

If you wish to read the previous parts it's here:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Taglist (comment down below if you want to be included): @winxschester @memento-mora

Also tagging:

@lady-phasma @aemonds-war-crime @adderess because some of their ideas of Aemond have undoubtedly influenced my work.

You weren't sure till now what really differentiated a minor ball from a major celebration ball. Maybe it was because this is your first ball you've attended as a woman. You were dressed in another one of your grandmother's embroidered violet gowns that was changed to your measurements. Your hair was in a half bun and was securely in place thanks to many smaller hairpins. Your sole accessory was a gold necklace that sat just above your collar bone with a tulip pendant.

"Tell me Lord Baratheon."

"Princess Alys, I insist that you call me Raymont. We are both young after all." He wasn't wrong, the age difference between the two of you was only three years with him being older. But that didn't mean you were necessarily compatible personality wise. For one thing he almost stepped on your feet just then and luckily you had quickly went out of his way without compromising the dance.

"Lord Raymont, I am curious about what you may think may be a possible solution to the crisis that may erupt once the King dies."

"I will be honest Princess, I'm not sure if there is a long lasting solution."

"Oh surely you must have some thoughts."

"Well if you really must know, I think once the King dies your mother and your uncle will just order each other dead and we're all just waiting to see who surivives it. Ultimately it's sadly not up to us to decide who wears the crown as long as there is someone in charge." He spins you around almost too suddenly that you almost fell on his chest had you not been agile enough to regain your balance right away.

"Then may I ask why did you volunteer to become my suitor?"

"My mother wanted us to be the ones responsible for your safety. Since there will most likely be a war and you are so far the only neutral party, it will allow us to provide you with shelter and safety away from the chaos."

"Let me guess, in exchange for my safety during the conflict, you want me to exercise influence on whomever comes into power once the upcoming civil war has concluded."

"Of course, we have seen how much influence you wield in your days at court so far. We have no doubts you could do the same for the next ruler." The dance has ended, and you were thankful that Borros Baratheon's young brother readily gave you the information you needed during the course of the dance. Your Lannister suitor was less open until a few goblets of wine had him opening up to the same if not similar answers. You are yet to decide if being a rather popular marriage choice was a good thing or a bad thing.

In your periphery you spot Clement Celtigar talking with your parents as they were in the "black" area of the room alongside with other Velaryons and the Arryns.

"Enjoying the party so far?"

"Oh Aegon, you startled me." He laughs as he quickly downs a goblet of the wine served and gives it to a servant passing by.

"I was just waiting for you to finish your dance with the younger Baratheon brother. You've been pretty elusive from me dear niece, and I plan to rectify that. Let's have the next dance together."

"Actually I was planning on eating and resting my feet. Maybe you could direct us to a spot that's less crowded? Raymont Baratheon was a ... unique dancer."

"Hahaha very well. Just stay by my side niece." You take his arm as he leads you to a spot in the "greens" area that allowed only for two people.

"I'm starting to regret that we aren't the ones married. Had I known back then what I had known now, I think things would have turned out very differently."

"Oh? And what made you think that we would have been a better pair?'

"For one thing, maybe I would be more willing with someone to incentivize me to study." Two servants pulling out the chairs and await the two of you to settle into it. Another servant quickly serves you two a pie containing three different pieces of poultry inside it. You forgot the fancy word for it but you remember it by it's common name - a turducken pie. You were given a slice by the same servant who served it to both you and Aegon. Your goblet was filled with your much preferred apple juice, while Aegon's goblet was filled with wine, this time the wine was clear or "white" as they say.

"I'll be honest Aegon, I don't think you would have enjoyed studying even if I were your wife."

"Oh? And what would you think I would've been better in?"

"Hmm let's see, I actually wouldn't mind your partying as much as I thought." This caught his attention as feeds himself the turducken pie.

"Really?"

"Yes." You give him a smile before taking a drink from your goblet.

"My mother and my siblings detest that about me. Why won't it bother you?"

"Aegon even you have your own strengths. It's just that for you those strengths are more social rather than academic. From what I hear you could definitely be the life of the party sometimes."

"And what use would my preference for parties and wine benefit you as Queen had we been married? I already know that you would be the one mainly in charge of the realm, and do all of these politicking shit, but it's the first time I heard of my indulgences as a strength."

"Plenty actually. Tell me Aegon are people more willing to share things in this stuffy obviously political ball or in a real wild party in the streets or in some tavern?" His eyes begin to light up as he begins seeing your point.

"I see."

"If given the right training by a spy master, many people wouldn't mind sharing their secrets to you since we both don't like the politicking we are forced to do. You have the privilege of ignoring it entirely while I have to do it just to make sure I live long enough to be a crone."

His eyes roam around your form for awhile.

"I bet even in the form of a crone you would still be desireable."

"Let's not delude ourselves Aegon. One day even my alleged beauty will one day fade into obscurity and by then you will have more than tired of me."

"If you were my Queen, I wouldn't mind any affairs you would have." This made you raise an eyebrow at him.

"And what brought this up?"

"This whole dispute - it's mainly because your mother had an affair with a member of the Strong family. Don't worry I'm not one to rub salt on very obvious wounds. But frankly I'm bored and tired of it. We both know that I don't want to rule and Aemond is better for the job. Had we been married I would've found a way to ignore the fact that our children are most likely Aemond's rather than mine." This startled you. Is he perhaps referring to the rumors at court that maybe he wasn't the father of Helaena's children? That Aemond possibly may have been the father all along?

"Oh don't act so surprised. I'm not blind to the fact that around here everyone prefers Aemond over me. Even you spend the most time with him out of everyone in this side. For all his intelligence I'm surprised he hasn't found a loophole that would make him be King instead of me. But it seems the only possible way for that to happen is if I sneak away to Essos or commit suicide."

"Is this why you wanted to speak with me alone? Away from the prying ears of everyone else?" He nods as he refills his goblet once again.

"I hear you are seeking a peaceful solution to whatever this is. If you can remove me without killing me from becoming King then I will be forever greatful to you."

"But your mo-"

"My mother doesn't love me Alys. Surely that should be obvious by now. The only reason why I'm still here is because she has connections that prevent me from escaping to Essos. But it's obvious that neither she, my father the King, or even my grandfather the hand - cares about me beyond being their piece in their court games."

The herald suddenly calls everyone to attention.

"Odd, everyone in the guestlist has already arrived. Or so that's what the chief servant told me."

"Well the more the merrier. This will definitely make my mother and my grandfather worried. The meticulous thinkers they are."

The trumpets were sounded. This means that it must be either another diplomat or representative who has chosen to make a late appearance. Ensuring that all if not most of the important houses were already in the ball.

"Announcing his royal majesty, Qoren Martell of Dorne."

"Fuck" You hear Aegon say as he puts his head into his hands before downing another goblet full of wine.

You move to stand as you make your way to have a look at the prince you've only ever heard of.

He was definitely handsome, head full of curly hair, lean in built and though he seemed to be of average height, his confidence in every step made him all the more larger.

"King Viserys."

"Prince Qoren, no one was expecting you. You are of course welcomed here."

He chuckles, though his stance was relaxed.

"It is alright your majesty. If anyone was expecting us then what use would our surprise be? Hehehe. I hope you don't mind if my delegation and I join in on the festivities."

"Well at least this is going to be interesting." Aegon says, as he walks beside you albeit less stable than before.

"Maybe I could secretly negotiate with them to abduct me."

"Based from what I've been told about him he doesn't want anything to do with us or the Seven Kingdoms. I'm more confused as to why he is here." As the dance resumes, you see Qoren Martell making his way to your parents and dining with them.

Just as you are about to enter into the black's side of the room you feel someone grab your wrist.

"I don't know how but it seems you might just get the match you wanted all along." You look up at Aemond's face whom did not bother hiding his disdain.

"I thought you said that he wants nothing to do with dragons?"

"He's not, but it seems your neutrality and your lack of one are the very things that have attracted him to you in the first place."

"No - there must be something else, something hidden that we do not yet know of. From what I've heard of Qoren he doesn't want Dorne involved with the Seven Kingdoms. I don't think he's talking with my parents about a marriage alliance with him."

"Oh it's definitely a marriage alliance. It may or may not be with him, but a marriage alliance is the topic of what they are talking about."

You hear the musicians begin the opening notes to the next dance and it just occurred to you that Aemond has not let go of your hand.

"May I have this dance?"

"Of course." Never letting go he leads you to the dance area as some of the other courtiers begin to gather with their respective dance partners.

"It just occurred to me that this will be our first dance since we were children."

"Hahaha well let's see if you could still keep up with me."

"Shouldn't I be telling you that?" You give him a teasing grin as the two of you get into position. In your periphery you notice both Aegon and both sets of your siblings noticing who you were with. Both were too far for you to see their exact expressions. But given that they even noticed who you were with, Aemond must be trying to send a message to all of them. What that message is - you have yet to find out.

The dance begins with the women slowly twirling around their men. You take Aemond's hand as he now follows your momentum as he twirls you under his arm.

"What were you discussing with my brother?"

"For someone observant you seem to ask plenty of questions that may have been obvious to you."

"You know me, I like to be sure of what I've observed."

The music begins to slowly add a few more beats, a bit faster but not fast enough to allow spontaneity.

"I would prefer to hear what guesses you have with what we were discussing. So far it has simply been me giving you the answers. I wouldn't want to let your skills in observation go to waste."

He makes a twirl to go behind you before he once again twirls you underneath his arm.

"Alright since you insist." He whispers in your ear as he leads you in his arms. Safe yet really confident as he guides you through the other dance partners nearby. Some of whom have decided to dance more advance variations. A lot of it in bad taste since there wasn't enough room for such movements.

"From what I could tell he's telling you of his support for your research endeavors. No doubt Helaena has told him of it since you've visited her yesterday. He's desperate to not be made king and be the political pawn of my elders. He has appealed to your mutual dislike of politiciking."

He quickly moves in the way and placing you in his previous place. He bent slightly towards you as you realized two sets of enthusiastic dance partners had almost accidentally hit both you and him and his quick thinking spared both of you from that fate. You couldn't help but giggle a bit as they hit each other instead while you and Aemond were well out of their way.

"Well, did I get it right?"

You spot an incoming dancer from his blindside and guide him the other way. He picks up quickly and turns the two of you to another area. Using the momentum from that turn he pulls you in closer by grabbing your waist from behind.

"I would say so. Otherwise I wouldn't rely on your observations and just simply tell you. He opened with wondering what may have happened had your mother not rejected the marriage alliance with me."

"Mmmhmm and no doubt his self-pity of not wanting to be the puppet was able to get you to talk with him."

"Perhaps - and maybe I'm just an outsider but from what we've discussed it seems the two of you agree on some important things. He doesn't want to be next to rule and has no interest in staying in this type of environment. There is no question that you would be the better choice if it were up to the two of you."

"If only."

"He does raise a good point though."

"What?"

"That it's startling for someone as hardworking and ambitious as you to have not found a solution by now that benefits both of you. But I have my own guess about that."

You untangle from him now that the space around both of you isn't so suffocating as you continue to dance around each other.

"You either haven't found a solution and have decided to use him as a puppet as well despite your individual desires. But knowing you this is highly unlikely."

"What's the other guess?"

"That you have found a solution that could benefit not just both of you but the entire realm. Your problem is that there are many obstacles that you face in actually doing it. Or there is something or someone else stopping you. Perhaps the love of your mother since Aegon is her main piece to put on the throne and for her to influence affairs through him."

"Don't talk about my mother that way."

"You're proving my point."

"Tsch and you think your mother is so innocent?"

"I am more than aware that she isn't. But I don't let my love for her blind or hinder me to what is possible."

"You say that now as you revel in your neutrality."

"I became neutral because I'm doing my best to find a solution actively. But then again you already knew this."

He nods at you as you spend the rest of the dance in semi-comfortable silence. You two didn't need words that this is more of a mutual compromise rather than either of you conceeding to your debate. It was in your periphery as the two of you continue to dance that other dancers have now retreated to the sides and now it seems you and Aemond were the only ones dancing, yet the music hasn't stopped yet.

Never leaving his gaze for too long the two of you move along with the music and each other. You weren't sure if it's because of how your discussion has ended, or if it's just because now you are aware of how the two of you are well matched for this dance. But this newfound tension with a mix of underlying passion - probably from your discussion - was now evident and only made your movements with each other line up even more.

The music begins to slow as the two of you make one final twirl around each other. Some other pairs would grab each other's waist, raise their right hands and have them touch within the final turn. A part of you want to, but it didn't feel right. There was an invisible barrier still between the two of you that you both feel. Perhaps just as equally as your movements just seem to match each other.

You both use the momentum to go your separate ways before turning back facing each other as the music finally comes to an end.

You make a courtsey as he bows. How funny that even in this your movements match.

Soon you hear slow yet emerging clapping all around you. You're not sure what to really make of it. The sound of clapping could either be mocking or congratulatory, and you're not sure which one what they were doing now.

Still

If anything is in doubt, you fake a smile and begin softly clapping along with them.

"My that was a wonderful dance between the two of you." The King says as he and Qoren make their way to the two of you.

"It seems the rumors are true. Princess Alys is indeed one of the best dancers there are in this realm." Qoren says in his Dornish accent.

"Thank you so much your majesty. I'm unaware of such rumors about me being gossiped about."

"Rumors proven true are just news, my lady." He takes your hand and presses a light kiss on it. You feel his stubble as your skin touches his lips.

"Well of course Aemond here is such a fine dance partner for her. My boy has been well educated in various fields."

"I agree, but from what I hear since I've arrived - he is still unmarried, noh?" He releases your hand as Aemond moves closer to your side, now facing the King and Prince Qoren.

"I am in no rush to enter into such a lifelong commitment Prince Martell."

"Ah you must want to savor the delights of being an unmarried man. I don't blame you. I was extremely invested in worldly pleasures before I married."

Oh so he wasn't here for a marriage alliance with you or anyone. It must be for something else then.

"I did not know you had married your majesty."

"My marriage is a new one, one I just consummated before I made my trip here. I came to talk about our dispute involving the triarchy. Something your stepfather seems to be more than happy to simply take up arms against us. But ah this is a party, we should be enjoying ourselves. Come Princess Alys, there are some people from my delegation that I would like to introduce you to." You take his arm as he introduces you to many members of the Dornish delegation. At the back of your head you feel Aemond's presence close by as he accompanies the King conversing with various members of the delegation.

"Ah and here is Arari, he is not formally a part of my delegation but I did promise him that my delegation would bring him here for his studies. Arari!"

The man named Arari turns and face you. You were surprised at how different he is from all the other Dornish. His hair was was long jet black. He was broader than Ser Ion's build, but based on how he looks so far, he's closer in age to you. Possibly the same age with Aemond. He wasn't ugly. You can see why some people would find him attractive, but you just couldn't find yourself drawn to him the way you were with Aemond and Ser Ion. By the way he makes his way toward you, you could tell he was confident and energetic.

"Arari, this is Princess Alys Velaryon. Eldest Daughter of Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen and the first grandchild of King Viserys."

"A pleasure to meet you Princess." He bows to you as he goes closer to you.

"A pleasure as well dear Ser. I hope you are well with your travels. I know how it isn't always pleasant."

"Why thank you Princess. Based on the party going on my trip coming here has been well worth it."

"May I ask why you aren't considered a part of the delegation?"

"Simple your highness. I'm not Dornish. I'm originally from Saath. When I wanted to be a scholar I made my way to Lorath since I had relatives there. Their resources were not enough so with the recommendation of my teachers I began my journey towards anywhere with a library. In exchange I teach them about Saathi and Lorathen culture."

"Oh you have the same profession as Ser Ion as a travelling scholar. Ser Ion works the same way but his field is on Valyrian culture and what remains of it till this day."

"Well I hope to meet him soon once I am able to settle down here."

"Forgive me for my lack of manners but I didn't know that many places valued travelling scholars."

"Oh you would be surprised Princess. After all knowledge is one of the most important tools a person could have. Without the right knowledge, even a soldier could suffer greatly."

"Then he is a mere foot soldier and not a well-trained one." You hear Aemond says as he goes to your side. Placing you in his right side.

"Also true, his highness certainly knows what makes the difference between a soldier and a commander."

"And this is venturing into something that I lack any knowledge of. I hope you enjoy the party." You make a small courtsey towards him.

"Thank you for the dance Prince Aemond." You give him a small nod as he gives you one in return. His gaze reassuring as you retire for the evening. You'll need some time to reflect on the events that happened tonight.

That night a rather strange dream comes to you.

You awaken facing a cluttered writing desk. This time it felt different. Whereas before it seemed like you were acting and travelling knowing that it is your dream, this felt more like you were reenacting what already has been done. More like a memory.

But weren't memories supposed to be recalling the past? Why did this feel like a memory when you were more than sure that you have not seen these things before?

You stretch your body as you step out of your bed and you hear music playing from beyond what appeared to be your bedroom. You feel yourself be delighted and your body eagerly goes to the source of the music.

As the sun rises in what appeared to be a living space. Just out of reach from the emerging ray of sunrise was a somewhat familiar figure. The figure was holding what appeared to be a fiddle or a similar instrument to it. But you couldn't pick out why.

"I hope you've drunk your sun medicine before coming here." You feel yourself say. You are then reminded that this somehow feels like a memory playing itself in your dreams.

"Hahaha, I wouldn't have played my violin if I hadn't. Shall I prove it to you?" That voice. Was it...?

"No need darling. I trust you. I always find myself delighted when I hear you play the Angel of Music instrumental." Your body feels joy as the figure finally faces you in the light.

Ser Ion was there in an expression of joy, love, and sensitivity towards you.

Or rather he looks like Ser Ion.

He definitely didn't act like him.

Ser Ion had an air of loneliness despite being surrounded by many people. There was an impatience in him which turned to reluctant patience when he began helping you with your powers. He was always enthusiastic about sharing Valyrian culture and any discourse surrounding it. Almost as if he was urgently trying to ensure that many people who would listen to him knew.

Whomever this figure was. Whomever he was that shared his form and voice was softer yet there was an underlying strength to him. He was confident in playing for you that even if he seemed to be both a stranger and yet familiar to you.

The tune he played with the object called the violin was undoubtedly beautiful. Your heart couldn't help but soar and swell with love and delight.

When he finished he goes toward you.

"This is just my first gift to you for today."

"You're making me blush."

"I like it when you blush."

"Now I'm concerned that I haven't prepared anything to give you today."

"You don't have to. You being in my life is a gift in itself."

He comes closer to you and you feel yourself leaning in towards him as your foreheads touch as he softly holds you closer to him.

"Happy Anniversary, wife."

You feel shock as your body reaches up to kiss him.

And then everything shifted after you felt your lips touch.

This time it was much more vague than the previous scene. Again it felt like a memory rather than an abstract dream.

This time you find yourself just removing your hands from a man shackled. Stepping more out of the way it turns out the man was shackled by both hands and feet by vines restraining him.

"Please, just kill me!"

"This is my punishment to you, for what you have done." You feel yourself say as you get a better look at the man still restrained by the vines. He was of average built, his unruly brown hair and full unkempt beard gave the impression that he was dirty. You felt yourself feel like you have given a relatively fair punishment.

"Fuck you! What makes me different than the vampires and the zombies? Why punish those who would like to see what Frankenstein sees?"

"You have clearly not finished the entire book. But no matter once the vines let you go, you can find out the entire story for yourself as you suffer."

You turn towards what appeared to be the exit from wherever you were.

"And if you think Vampires and Zombies are the same then you are gravely mistaken. One group does not violate my laws, the other does. You're a smart man, I'll let you figure that out on your own."

You make your exit as the man continues to curse you.

Then you wake up.

What a bizzare dream. Or rather it seems more like memories. But memories of what? You haven't been married yet and you don't recall punishing anyone of anything that was worse than death.

"Your instincts are right child. They are indeed memories. They are memories of your soul before this lifetime." The Prophetess Agnes says after she hears your consultation about your dreams.

"Is there a reason why they are invading my dreams?"

"Yes, I cannot tell you the full reason why. That would only be detrimental to you."

"It's fine, what can you tell me?"

"For now, as far as your dreams are concerned: Accept that you do not yet know the full meaning behind why they are occurring now. But once you recall everything, you will have an epiphany amidst a dire situation."

"Dire situation? It's the upcoming civil war isn't it." She gives you a sad smile.

"I cannot say child, but the seeds of such situation...they are already planted. What I can tell you is to be cautious, for there are those targetting you. But if you are clever you may use it to your advantage."

"...Can I not convince you to be a little bit more clearer?"

"My apologies child. But that is as clear as I can tell you without sacrificing your growth."

You nod as you give her a pouch of coins. She quickly checked it before she nods and gives you a reassuring smile. You stand as the Priestess Kara enters the room with a young man. More on the lanky side with his hair shortened as much as possible. He would have been mistaken for being bald had it not been for his seemingly black hairline and black area on his head.

"Oh Princess Alys, I would like to introduce you to one of our acolytes who will spend some months here. This is Kormy, I believe you two are the same age. Kormy this is Princess Alys Velaryon, eldest child of the Princess Rhaenyra and older twin sister of Prince Jacearys Velaryon."

"Hello your highness, I am Kormy from Braavos. I went to Asshai to be more devoted to the Red God. I hope I used the right greeting for you Princess."

"Oh don't worry I'm fine with simply 'My lady' Ser Kormy. It's my mother, my stepfather Prince Daemon, Prince Aegon, Prince Aemond, Princess Helaena, and Prince Daeron who should be addressed as 'Your Highness'. Although I can tell you right now that my parents wouldn't mind outside of formal settings."

You give a slight courtsey after he bows before you.

"It will be his name day in a few days Princess. We will be having a modest gathering for him."

"Priestess Kara - "

"He has been wondering if you would be able to attend."

"You don't have to my lady." He blushes in embarassment as Priestess Kara laughs.

"Where will it be?"

"Just here among us in the room next door. It wouldn't be as grand as any balls that are organized. But there will be good food and maybe some music."

You smile at him, your expression is reassuring.

"I'll do my best to make it Ser Kormy. I hope nothing will hinder me from attending."

"Don't worry acolyte, the Princess will be there." The Prophetess Agnes says with a lighthearted tone before she and Priestess Kara laugh and Ser Kormy's face became even redder.

"I'll see you in a few days for your name day celebration, Ser Kormy. Just be sure to send someone to remind me."

"Yes, thank you so much Princess." His boyish delight touched your heart as you exited the room. In the room to your left, Helaena also exits from what presumably was a session with the mystic Reyna.

"Oh Alys what a delight to see you again. I need your help." She grabs your hand as the two of you walk side by side moving towards her quarters.

"Alright but with what?"

"I need your help with dancing."

"Dancing? Helaena you know all the formal dances to these balls."

"Just because I know them doesn't mean I'm graceful like you are. In the last ball I only danced with Aemond and a few other familiar faces."

"What's wrong with that? You and Aemond seem to be having a good time while I had to struggle with Tyland Lannister wanting to only embrace me and not follow the steps-"

"But you made it so beautiful even in spite your struggles."

You both reached her quarters and her children were in a corner playing with their toys and with their nurses.

"Alys come play with us!"

"Tell us more stories please!"

"Oh I'm sorry my loves. But I need her help more."

"Don't worry I'll just be here with your mother. And if you're good, maybe I'll tell you a story again."

With them temporarily sated you and Helaena sit on her couch.

"I want to be able to dance like you. You are so stunning and magnetic when you dance. It's no wonder why both Aegon and Aemond want to dance with you." You raise an eyebrow at that.

"This is the first time that I've heard of this."

"You can't be serious."

"I know I'm one of the better dancers among my siblings, but that was for informal spontaneous dances. I still don't know if I'm any good in any of these formal dances."

"Have you really not noticed how many were watching you and Aemond in the last ball before you retired? They were entranced by how well you two moved."

"I think they were mainly watching Aemond."

"No, it was you they were definitely watching. It was a mix of envy for Aemond and desire for you."

"Well it was hard to notice those things while dancing and trying not to accidentally hit someone dancing close by. A part of me was worried that I was too stiff since I've only just learned the dances. But then I just let myself move with Aemond and with the music."

"But see you are a really good dancer. Please teach me Alys."

"Why do you want to learn so badly? I have no experience in teaching this."

"Because I also want to help." She takes both of your hands in hers.

"I know I'm rather unusual among our family but I don't think I would do any good just dancing with the people I know. I'm not good in politicking, but if dancing with the right person would help things even just a little bit, then I would really like to improve. Especially since Aegon doesn't really care about mine or our children's safety. I know you don't how to teach what must come naturally for you but even then maybe just a little bit of insight is enough. It's definitely better than nothing."

You could see the desperation in her eyes, and she did have a point. It was one thing for her to be mainly concerned for their children but since Aegon just cared about drinking and sleeping around, she needed to find as much people who are willing to support her and the children. If this civil war was not prevented then Aemond, Daeron and other people who may support her may die or be otherwise unavailable to help her.

"Alright, I'll do my best to help. But I'm not even sure if I'm a good teacher."

"Oh thank you so much Alys!"

You two embrace just as you hear her chamber doors open.

"Helaena dear - oh I wasn't expecting you had a ... visitor." Queen Alicent says as she looks at you with suspicion. Beside her was a man you haven't seen before.

"I was just asking Alys for some help mother."

"On what matters?"

"Just to help improve on my dancing that's all."

"I see, well it's time for your religious studies Helaena."

"With all due respect, your grace. I think it's wonderful if both of them would be involved. Aemond is unavailable and the Princess Helaena does better with at least one other person she knows." The middle-aged man says as his eyes scan your body.

"Oh Alys this is Ser Callan Kurztos, one of my teachers for religious studies under the faith."

"Ser Kurztos? The magistrate in King's Landing?"

"One of many. You have been adjusting to life here in the capital?"

"Honestly speaking Ser Kurztos, I feel I am still adjusting and haven't really settled quite yet."

"I find that hard to believe. I saw you and your siblings dance in a street party quite recently."

"Yes that was quite enjoyable dear Ser. But that was just a casual party, not the grind of daily life."

"Alys would you like to join us? I'd be really pleased if you could." As much as you would want to stay with Helaena, the tension in the room was suffocating. Queen Alicent was tense with you and Ser Callan Kurztos was staring at you strangely and in a way that made you feel uncomfortable.

"As much as I would like to, I have a prior engagement that I have to take care of. I'll see you around Helaena. Good day your grace, Ser Kurztos."

You make a courtsey to each of them before hastening to exit the room. Once you were outside you take a large breath. You still were not completely sure how Queen Alicent saw you. She was mad at your brothers and your mother, certainly. But you cannot read what she thinks of you.

However if anything these past few days taught you, it was better to be reasonably safe. And it seems it was safer to presume that you were included in the most hated people on her list. After all for all you know, she had someone in mind for Aemond. Probably a daughter of Borros Baratheon if not a lady of either the Lannisters or the Tyrells. Your presence around Aemond may make him more reluctant to have a marriage alliance with whomever she needs.

Your assurances that Aemond was too duty bound to not fulfill his duties to his house would fall on deaf ears.

"Need a time of contemplation?" You hear a voice which startled you from your thoughts as you were walking by the garden.

You look up as you see Arari pass by holding a bunch of books by his hands.

"Oh good day Ser Arari. I was just taking in some air. The past hours have been quite eventful for me."

"It looks like you need some rest Princess. Maybe I should escort you to your room."

"Thank you Ser Arari, but don't you need to go back to your studies?"

"Not to worry, I am quite used to the weight of books on my hands. Come you should rest."

"While escorting me, maybe you could enlighten me about Saathi and Lorethan culture. As much as the library here is quite extensive, the only thing available here about Saath is that it survived the doom of Valyria and that it used to be a part of the Kingdom of Saar."

"Are you sure you wouldn't just fall asleep on the way to your room?" You both chuckle. Even you can't deny how drained you feel.

"Start with the things people get wrong then. Maybe I'll absorb it as I sleep."

"Very well then." He then tells you tales of Saathi culture and how they the Tagaez Fen or the Taller men survived the doom of Valyria. Many of which were just more detailed accounts of what you've read.

"Since coming to Dorne I was amused by the beliefs of the Ironborn."

"You mean their practices surrounding the Drowned God?"

"Yes, but I'm referring to how they paint his rival as a Storm God. To them he is the evil that must be pushed back. But to us the Saathi and in some parts of Loreth, our main deity is the Storm God. Or rather we refer to him as the God of the Heavens. Responsible for either bringing storms or good weather. What else could be more unpredictable than when a lightning appears from the sky?"

"You have a point Ser Arari. I guess I've been surrounded by the idea that it is fire that is the most powerful." He chuckles as you both pass by the turn which would ultimately lead to your room. The sun was setting and the sky was turning dark. There was not much people around because everyone is rushing to a place to have dinner.

"Thank you again Ser A-AAhchoo!" To your horror some sparks flew out of your nose and mouth. You managed to redirect it away from Ser Arari, but there was no denying that he had definitely seen the sparks exit from you.

"Princess? Are you-"

"I'm fine it's just a-aaahhchoo!" Oh no. It was fortunate that he was able to go out of his way to dodge the sparks.

"You have powers Princess?"

"Please don't tell anyone. Is it alright if we could talk about it tomorrow?"

"Very well. Where shall we meet?"

"Well I usually meet with another scholar, Ser Ion, in the library after I visit my grandfather in the morning. He also knows of my hidden talents. Please don't speak of this to anyone."

"You have my word Princess. I will see you tomorrow."

Tomorrow came after a dreamless night. You must be so worried that it had concerned Aemond enough as he escorts you to the library after giving the King his daily pain relief.

"Alys what happened?"

"Why do you think something happened?"

"Because by now you would usually be talking about your strange dreams or any observations about court. Instead you are rather silent. And I'm left to be the one to extract from you." He guides you toward a semi-private alcolve that allowed the two of an adequate amount of privacy while being public enough not to give anyone any illicit ideas of what the two of you were up to.

"Come on, what is it?" After making sure that no one has seen the two of you or is possibly eavesdrop on your conversation, you step closer to him to ensure that he could hear your whispers.

"Yesterday, Ser Arari was escorting me to my room. I sneezed in front of him and sparks flew out." You meet his gaze as you don't bother hiding how worried you were.

"I asked him not to tell anyone, maybe he has, maybe he didn't but I am worried about more people knowing -"

"Should I accompany you then?"

"No, it's already worrisome to me that even you and Ser Ion knows about this. Ser Arari is practically a stranger and I don't know what he wants from me."

"Then allow me to join you in whatever meeting the two of you have -"

"That's not good for you though."

"How?"

"When I visited Helaena yesterday your mother was staring at me with suspicion just because she asked me for help with her dancing. I bet it's because you've been spending more time with me than with other possible wives."

"That's not an issue at all. Daeron is still unmarried and she doesn't bother him. It may just be surprise that you've been visiting Helaena. Besides if she wanted a marriage alliance through me, she would be asking me to have meals with the family members here. Not fly to wherever my potential wife may be."

"Well...if you're sure."

"Alys I wouldn't be offering if I knew it would compromise any of my selfish interests. Allow me to help you with this." He brushes a hand against your cheek. It was gentle, meant to be reassuring. But from his gaze you could tell that he wanted to be with you facing whatever problem this may face for you.

"Are you sure you won't miss your training?"

"I think it's about time I give my sparring partners a rest. Beside it's good for them to always be waiting on me. Keeps them in check."

"You sadist."

"You can't deny it's effective...well? What's your call?" You take a breath before relenting.

"Very well - but I'm the one going to take charge."

"Isn't that what you already do?"

You both chuckle and taking his arm you make his way to the library.

At the entrance of the library it turns out Sers Arari and Ion had been talking for awhile.

"Princess Alys you've arrived, and good day to you too your highness."

"You've both been talking while waiting for me?"

"Indeed my lady, perhaps we should continue our discussion inside-"

"I agree, let's finally settle any problems you have." Aemond says as he follows you inside. Giving the librarian one glance and the librarian directed your group towards a table separated from the main library where you may freely talk without interrupting other readers.

"Forgive me lady Alys, but may I ask why his highness is joining us over a potentially sensitive matter?"

"He knows, Ser Ion."

"I'm here to make sure whatever happens is for her benefit. Especially when a stranger has witnessed her ... hidden talents."

You felt his gaze staring them down from your periphery.

"No need to worry Princess. As a matter of fact I think I may be able to help with the ... sparkling problem."

"May I ask how Ser Arari?"

"You see Princess, sparks are just the smaller version of lightning. And my people, especially the ones who worship the God of the Heavens are known for magical practices of the lightning kind."

"Lightning? I'm sorry Ser Arari but I have problems believing that another travelling scholar just so happened to be able to help me with this."

Ser Arari places a hand facing upwards with the other hand hovering just above it.

And then a small bolt of lightning passed from one hand to the next. The bolt then travelled again in the opposite direction. And soon a steady stream of lightning was trapped in the confines of his hand.

"As you can see my Princess, I know how to manage this kind of power. Would you like me to teach you?"

The discussion afterwards was thankfully more straightforward. You may not entirely trust Ser Arari but if anything were to happen to you, at the very least Aemond would know if anything were to happen.

"I'm going to see you both tomorrow night." The King says as you finish placing energy in his blood circulation.

"Couldn't we move it to the evening after father? Alys has a party tonight and she might be too exhausted from it." You could hear the teasing underneath the sarcasm. His expression also belied his true intentions.

"It's just a modest name day dinner Aemond. I might even be able to retire early."

"I doubt that, especially with the name day boy being one of your admirers."

"Oh as if you don't have admirers of your own! You must be aware of the ladies swooning whenever you pass by."

He smirks at you as you hear the King chuckle.

"Well give my blessings to the name day boy Alys. Were I more able I would've made a visit too."

"Don't push yourself grandfather, besides I'm sure you would rather ponder the options of Aemond's potential wife to be."

"At this point my dear Alys, I'm would even accept someone from Dorne to be his wife."

"Let's not be hasty now father."

"Aemond, I'm not getting any younger, I could die any day now. I just don't want you to be alone for the rest of your life. Oh the maesters have arrived."

As soon as you and Aemond exit the chambers you make your way to the courtyard for practicing your powers.

"Good luck with your combat training Aemond."

"Good luck with you too Alys. One day you'll have to allow me to watch you."

"Maybe when I'm no longer a beginner and at risk of accidentally killing you."

"Then how come Ser Ion is still alive?"

"Geros Ilas Aemond." He chuckles as you turn towards the courtyard to begin your training.

Since it was just your first day, Ser Arari mainly lectured on how Saathi magic users controlled lightning. Lightning tends to accompany fluids such as the rain and in your case, your nose and your mouth.

Afterwards you begin your fire exercises with Ser Ion. This time you were to light up a room full of torches.

You sadly were only able to light up only half of them.

"Make sure you don't run out of breath. Even dragons need air to make fire."

"Had I known it would be this exhausting I might have skipped training today."

"Your party is still later in the evening."

"Ser Ion maybe she should be finished early. Women have grander preparations for social gatherings than we do."

"And I've been doing these fire exercises for hours now." Ser Ion looks at you with frustration, but relents after seeing how exhausted you are.

You take a small nap in order to regain your energy. Telling your handmaiden that if it's time to dress she should awaken you.

As you fell into deep sleep. You find yourself dreaming once again.

This time you found yourself watching a peculiar scene. A part of this feels familiar in a way that you may have watched a performance of this sometime before.

An old man whom you don't recognize, dressed in black robes began singing.

🎵"Beata Maria, you know I am a righteous man Of my virtue I am justly proud (et tibit pater)"🎵

He then moves toward the big fireplace, his voice getting louder more declaratory.

🎵"Beata Maria, you know I'm so much purer than The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd (quia peccavi nimis)"🎵

You don't know how you know but it was at this moment onwards that you knew this was a nightmare. You wish you could look away but you can't.

🎵"Then tell me, Maria, why I see her dancing there? Why her smoldering eyes still scorch my soul? (cogitatione) I feel her, I see her The sun caught in her brunette hair Is blazing in me out of all control (verb o et opere)

Like fire Hellfire This fire in my skin"🎵

He takes out a translucent scarf and begins caressing it on his face. And you felt violated, you want to runaway but you were trapped watching him.

🎵"This burning desire Is turning me to sin"🎵

A mass of red hooded figures emerge around you. Singing in a language that seems familiar but you couldn't quite recall right now.

🎵"It's not my fault (mea culpa) I'm not to blame (mea culpa) It is the bastard girl the witch who sent this flame (mea maxima culpa) It's not my fault (mea culpa) If in God's plan (mea culpa) He made the Devil so much stronger than a man (mea maxima culpa)"🎵

They return to the fire, and to your horror you notice a figure that vaguely resembles you. Alluring the old man to embrace her while dancing around.

🎵"Protect me, Maria Don't let this siren cast her spell Don't let her fire sear my flesh and bone Destroy Alys Velaryon And let her taste the fires of hell Or else let her be mine and mine alone"🎵

You really wish you could escape as he becomes even more manic. But anything you try to do you feel suffocated, as if you really were on a burning pyre struggling to breathe.

🎵"Hellfire Darkfire Now bastard, it's your turn Choose me or your pyre Be mine or you will burn"🎵

You feel yourself crying out tears as you try to scream out your pain. But your voice doesn't emerge. No one can hear you as the old man leans against the wall as the shadows of the hooded figures grow.

🎵"Kyrie eleison God have mercy on her Kyrie eleison God have mercy on me Kyrie eleison But she will be mine Or she will burn"🎵

Your eyes open quickly with you breathing heavily.

Of all the nightmares to have before a name day celebration it had to be this one. You couldn't help but feel the tears fall from your eyes as you feel violated. Who was that man lusting after you? You don't even remember him let alone what you've done to cause him to react this way.

"Are you alright my lady?" The acolyte Ser Kormy asks as he finds you staring intently at the fire place. Your goblet of ale still unfinished.

"Oh Ser Kormy, I'm sorry if I seem lightheaded in your name day celebration."

"It is no problem my lady, I was actually frightened you wouldn't appear. Tell me what is troubling you." His eyes reminded you of the expression that Luce would sometimes give you when he knew something was troubling you. It was a mix of the eyes of a puppy dog and a baby dragon.

"I wouldn't want to damper your party."

"The party is slowing down now. I think we can afford to discuss anything at this point."

You would prefer it if you would discuss this with one of the Holy women, but all three have retired for the evening and for their individual rituals.

Since he is so willing, you supposed there shouldn't be any harm sharing this with Ser Kormy. He was an acolyte after all and maybe it was a nightmare just scaring you more than it should.

"Earlier, while I was napping, I had a bizarre nightmare. I don't know why it's still scaring me now that I am awake." His expression was contemplative as he offers you his arm.

"Come with me, I may know something to help clarify your nightmare."

"But you can't leave your own party." You exclaim.

"I can, especially if it's to help someone in need. Besides more people are retiring already." It was then that you looked at your surroundings and you see and hear people bidding each other good evening and that they are now going to retire for the night.

He leads you to a room near the three rooms mainly used by the Holy women. In the room there was a rather large table with a large candelabra at the center of it. You take a seat opposite each other as he puts an unlit candle in between the two of you.

"The flames of this candelabra was blessed according to the traditions of R'hllor. In these flames comes enlightenment and a clarification of truth. We can use these flames to help clarify why you had that nightmare and what does it mean."

"How are we going to do that?"

"You've seen Priestess Kara do it. I'll be acting as a medium while you ask questions. Priestess Kara could do it without the candles, but I still need to rely on them." You feel yourself be a little bit disturbed. It must have showed on your face because he's immediately concerned.

"Oh I'm sorry my lady, I should've asked if you were comfortable with this first."

"It's fine but...does this mean you're going to have multiple voices?"

"Maybe, I know I have two voices coming out of me. But sometimes it could be more than that. Don't worry the voices are benign, it's just to show that we really are tools for the divine more than anything. That is if you're still willing to try."

Some parts of you wanted to turn around and run away. But you also couldn't lose this chance to know about what your nightmare could mean.

"I'm ready."

He nods and then focuses on the fire in between the two of you. After some time his pupils vanished and his mouth began speaking in a voice drastically lower than his speaking voice. His normal voice was now there just to remind you of the impossibility of an ordinary person not within the R'hllor faith to have this ability.

"You come here seeking answers because of your nightmare. Ask your questions truth seeker."

"Thank you. First I would like to know why I had such nightmare."

"You were given the nightmare by someone who loves you."

This is puzzling.

"Loves me? Why would someone send something so traumatizing if they loved me?"

"It's one of the few ways he could warn you about what's to come without risking too much of what will happen."

"So he sends a nightmare?"

"How else would you remember it once you've awaken? Plenty of times dreams are forgotten at the moment of waking."

Hmm he had a point.

"Then may I ask, what was it trying to warn me of? I just feel violated, horrified, and suffocated by an old man lusting after a figure of me emerging from the fire."

"Then you have recieved the warning truth seeker. There are many around you who lust after you, and who would not mind it if you were to be tortured or persecuted if you rejected them. You will feel the trauma you are feeling now. Which is why you must prepare yourself."

"Prepare myself? How? Why didn't this someone - whomever he is - just tell me the names of those who would wish to harm me?"

"Simple, he and many others who love you cannot interfere with the free will of these people. There is still a chance that they may not act on it, and there is a chance that they will chase after you. All they can do is send you an unforgettable warning to take care, find your own strength, to not give up on your beliefs...and most importantly to have hope."

"Hope?"

"Yes, truth seeker. Hope. Never give up the hope that your actions have made an impact, even if it doesn't seem like it. Have hope that some tragedies are necessary to prepare you for the future."

As you lay down in your bed that evening you begin to recall what the Priestess Kara had told you when she arrived.

"Speaking of hope...When you are in doubt of what to do or where your journey is headed Princess Alys, just remember the words of your father. The words that allowed him to defeat the morningstar."

From what your mother and those around both of your fathers have said, they too were also puzzled because neither Sers Leanor Velaryon nor Harwin Stong had an opponent whose moniker was "The morningstar" or anything similar in meaning. Neither did it refer to any weapons any of their opponents wielded. And with a name like "Morningstar" it's bound to have some sort of fame.

But what did this have to do with hope?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you so much for reading, I'll be back in writing gear after Dec. 17. Part 5 starts with the infamous last supper scene but this time with Alys in between Aegon and Jace. Directly across King Viserys.

Some other notes:

1.) I know the made up names are strange and seemingly unnatural. There is a purpose for that (and also because I just pormanteau'd some names) later in the story when the drama really happens;

2.) The angel of music instrumental that the Ser Ion look alike from her past life memories (I can't say his name yet) is this one. This is in honor of my late grandfather who passed away in May of this year. But I also genuinely love Phantom of the Opera and the musical will forever hold a place in my heart;

3.) Hellfire is composed by Alan Menken and performed by Tony Jay with some lyrics modified to fit the story (btw check out Hellfire in Latin or in an Epic Orchestra version);

4.) It's only now that I realized that I have given her a moment with each of the three siblings (since Daeron is not yet in the show), Aemond is a given of course but I actually wasn't expecting to write a moment with Aegon and Helaena (but that's where the writing muse lead me to);

5.) This is on the "filler" episode side because I need to introduce many of the main suitors players as much as possible. You'll see why later (Hint: If you know what famous story the amphora in my Spoilers with no context post is from, then you already know why there are many suitors).

[blubushie]

have you talked about how you got misty? i feel like you have but i dont remember

I got Misty at the very very start of 2022 from a breeder out near Chico CA (I was going to get a shelter dog because I love shelter dogs but unfortunately they wouldn't adopt to me because I live in a van). The breeder was not responsible and when Misty was given to me, she had fucking parvo. I spent six hours with her and she never stopped vomiting even after we'd been parked for four hours (I thought that maybe it was just carsickness, my childhood dog got carsick when I first brought her home).

But no, four hours later she didn't improve. So I drove her straight to the emergency vet because they were the only one open at that hour, and they immediately took a parvo test. And guess who came up a hard positive. They took her in and I camped out in the carpark until morning. She was stable but her outlook wasn't good ("critical but stable") and I then had to make the drive another hour to a different vet who could hold her in-house and treat her, as the emergency vet was only open at night. She spent ten days in ICU and then she came home, and she spent a month in quarantine at the house. It sucked because I couldn't even pet her with my bare hand due to risk of contamination to my older dogs. I spent less than six hours with my dog before she was taken from me by a preventable disease.

The breeder was fucking horrid. Kept claiming she didn't know she had parvo, but I don't buy that for a second because I asked why Misty was damp when I picked her up and she said it's because she bathed her. Either the woman was drying off Misty's vomit (and thus, as a breeder, must have at least suspected parvo) or she was outright washing the vomit and diarrhoea off of Misty, which would've been a near-definite positive for parvo in a 10-week-old puppy. And the breeder, upon finding out how dire Misty's condition was, insisted I just bring Misty back instead of taking her to a vet. She was very fucking insistent I not take Misty to a vet. I am fully convinced that if I'd brought Misty back she would've just been allowed to die.

Anyway I informed the vet of all this, and then informed animal control when they showed up to take a statement, and last I heard from the officers on the case the breeder is now blacklisted from breeding for the next five years due to not fitting California standards when it comes to disease control and prevention and negligence to provide veterinary care (which is required by law in California for breeders). The vet attested that Misty's stomach was completely empty and she hadn't eaten in at least three days, so there's no way the breeder hadn't known she'd given me a sick and dying dog. And she was content to let it run its course and kill said dog.

Anyway, I got my money back, Misty recovered, and the breeder can no longer breed dogs. I had some behavioural issues with Misty at first because it's incredibly hard to train her--she's headstrong and unfortunately because of her parvo situation she's been very wary of food ever since and she's not food-oriented in the slightest. (This is why she accepts so little treats. It took multiple Macca's runs before she'd accept even a piece of the meat). She nipped a lot, but I've never counted that against her because she's half-Aussie and that's completely normal for her breed and I knew what I was getting into with a herding-retriever mix.

For her it was mostly just training. Sit, stay, heel, things like that. She's learnt as time goes on and she's heavily influenced by praise, but I can't give her too much or she gets too excited and then distracted. She can sit, she's still learning to stay, she can heel (and knows not to jump up on people) but getting her to stop barking once she's riled up is a nightmare. But much like my first dog she picked up my visual cues while working immediately. A rising whistle is "come to me," a short chirp means "look at me," and a simple tilt of my head tells her which direction we're going to go in. It's very useful when she's stopping to sniff something, and she doesn't run off. I left her off-lead in the bush but she always stays on lead around roads except in Outback towns, where she free-roams and goes says hello to people while I do things. One of the funniest sights I've ever seen is walking out of the Daly Waters Pub and whistling for her, and from up the track comes Misty, Kevin the lab behind her, Blackface the goat behind him, and Polly the horse a short distance behind them. All in a row. She's got a massive crush on Kevin. If I park in Daly Waters and open my door she launches over me and bolts off to go find her boyfriend.

This is the first time Misty's been back in California since I got her and she's very much enjoying it, more than I am :]

[putah-creek]

Today I want to tell you about a book I have come to admire. “Desert” – Poems by David Hilton. Hilton practices Ch-an (Japanese: Zen), which he defines as being an extended form of Taoism. He has a prose book on that,”China Root: Taoism, Ch'an, and Original Zen,” which I mention here as his Ch’an practice directly influences these marvelous poems.

From ‘Desert’​ Morning light comes. I gaze into planetary shadow deep as blindness, and morning

light gradually comes, elemental

forms too: desert, mountain, sky. Morning light comes

and sight precisely as it did through its long slow beginnings, opening this world

inside us: planetary desert, mountain, sky when

there were no words, no words for any of this. ​ ​—-​​ It’s the least possible hope: food, water, shelter. Human

history begins there, and I

never leave those beginnings really, wander at home there, touching the possibilities of

less. ​ ​—-​

I wake somewhere deep inside the blazing

cascade of star generations. It’s early

spring, morning air cool, sun warm. I linger out breakfast, walk, mirror

sky. The usual things. Life seems so simple sometimes. Who’d suspect this is how it happens, how that

cascade of fire rips day by day through

me, licking its wounds?

—-

Outstanding, to me. I'd like to capture the Sacramento Valley half as well as he does here with the desert. Hinton lives in Vermont, near Green Mountain, I expected to find in his bio that it was Joshua Tree or Palm Springs. Perhaps the gentleman spent some time there, for the poetry has a Joshua Tree feel to it. Maybe I just miss Joshua Tree. It’s been years since I went there, and I love it there.

Let me give you a couple helpful links.

David Hinton’s bio on the Shambhala publication site.

You can also order this book and others by Hinton. Let the profits stay with the poet and publisher. Why give Amazon a cut?

Hinton’s page on the Words Without Borders site. 

Like Shambala, these are good folks, right Ma? You betcha.

Desert. Wonderful poems, very engaging for me, as Mr Hinton paints images with language that flows, at times easy like a stream or brook, and other times with the strength of a desert flash flood. Enough said.

Thanks for your support. The Poetry Zendo blog posts once a day, usually before 7 AM Pacific time, and the link is posted on various social media. I also usually re-post a couple of the old ones during the day. Right now, those re-posts are from 10 months ago. My working theory is nobody sees them all, so I give it a chance to reach people.

More people log on every week, and if I reach the numbers my old blog (Pablo) was getting, I’ll go back to just posting a day. Why didn’t I just keep that old blog? Maybe it’s time to get my cognitive ability tested. Again. Of course, maybe I’m just not bright, as my Pop often said. Very often.

Oh, yes. 

James

[stewpid-soup]

LOTS OF STEVEN UNIVERSE SPOILERS, ESPECIALLY STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE (I’ll leave the ramble below the cut for the ppl who don’t want spoilers <3)

take a funny pic before u leave :3

(btw, if any info here is incorrect feel free to lmk or even start a calm conversation about your thoughts! I love learning more and hearing ppls perspective <3)

maybe it’s an unpopular opinion but i LOVE steven universe future, like it’s so good?? I was rewatching the last few episodes since I wanna write a fic where Steven stayed longer with Jasper bc i think they had an interesting friendship in SUF lol

But I wish it wasn’t so short and that the episodes were longer and spent more time on the characters working through their issues.

And yes, Steven may not be “Classic Steven” in SU:Future but that’s what I love about it. Trauma changes you. Even if you learn how to be a better person, it doesn’t mean it’s super easy to apply those skills to your life. It’s still so hard. Even when you think you’ve changed and gotten better, old habits seep through and you realize that maybe you haven’t made as much progress as you thought. But what SUF shows is that it’s okay to not be perfect, because that’s what makes us human. We aren’t a monster if we do things wrong, if we hurt people- what matters is that we learn and we actually take the steps to be better. This means taking responsibility. This means not running from your problems but facing them. This isn’t to say that everyone is excused from their actions because they aren’t.

I think that’s what made Connie’s entrance on the “I Am My Monster” episode so perfect. Like, YES it’s your fault! And while she was technically talking to White Diamond, I think it makes more sense if she was talking to everyone there. Everyone there, excluding Connie and Steven, are adults. Most of them have been alive for thousands of years for fucks sake. But they trauma dump and push their problems onto a child who already struggled with fitting in already. I think that even the Crystal Gems play a part in Steven’s trauma, because again, they should know better. He was a child and he didn’t have to be forced into this life. Parents are supposed to protect and make sure their child is exposed to as little bad content as possible.

Now, I’m going to use sex education as an example here, because this is a common issue with adults and how they talk to children, especially about sexual topics. If you wanna skip this bit, I’ll use large GREEN text once it’s over lol

So, there’s “two main sides” (i put it in quotes bc of course there’s ppl with loads of opinions, but these are the two most prominent ones and also the most problematic to their child’s development) to this: Some parents choose to shelter their kids from anything even mentioning sex, maybe even to the point where their child just has no genuine understanding of sex and how to deal with those thoughts and feelings. Without talking to their child maturely about these topics, their child will grow up not only being teased for not understanding but also just without a good understanding of sex and what it entails. Plus sex doesn’t just have to be about the pleasure aspect or procreation, what about sex safety and what to watch out for when choosing to go into a situation where there might be people who could potentially take advantage of you.

Now some other parents choose to not keep an eye on what their kid does on the internet or what influence people are having on their kids, and as a result the child might learn things that their brain isn’t ready to process yet since it isn’t fully developed. This can lead to their child having unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex and even get themselves into dangerous situations on the internet and real life. I’m sure many people here and on most social media platforms can understand that, when it comes to unlimited internet access, it can be a dangerous thing for young kids and teens.

However that’s not to say that everything here is bad, there are ways to learn without being exposed to material that your young brain might not be ready for. An example of this is the parental lock on your electronics! You can also TALK to your child, and focus on keeping an open communication. There’s loads of things to prevent either of these scenarios, which I can go into detail abt- but maybe in another ramble

ANYWAYS

What I mean by referring to this topic is that Steven’s situation can be seen as similar (except in a much more dramatic and complex way lol) There are things that the Crystal Gems and Greg could have done to take better care of Steven. An example being the fact that Steven was pushed headfirst into these life or death threats from such a young age. These were about things he was barely aware of until tragedy struck. So what could’ve helped during Classic SU? There could have been better communication, obviously. Greg could have at least helped homeschool Steven, or use the money he made from the car wash to possibly support Steven and the Gems financially. The Crystal Gems should have sat Steven down and told him about his mom and more about the Gem War. He should have had more of an idea of what he was getting into. The only reason he was so enthusiastic was because the Crystal Gems were his main role models since Greg was often working or just doing his own thing.

Time and time again, Steven had to be the adult in situations like when Greg faked a leg injury or when Garnet split because of the Pearl incident. I could name a million more situations where he had to be the bigger person, but I won’t for my sanity.

The Crystal Gems should have gotten more repercussions for the way they treated Steven, the things they put onto his shoulders despite being a literal child. Greg could have been a better dad, because being a dad isn’t just about having fun. Being a dad is hard and can take a lot of you, but you made the choice to bring this child into the world so you have to take responsibility. At least, in Greg’s case that’s what happened. He knew the risks and he still had a kid with Rose, so he should have been around more as Steven grew up.

anhwyas im exhausted, maybe more rambling tmrow lmao idk

love u guys and take careee

[scentedchildnacho]

I don't know what happened to the woman who left with the EMTs....i at shelter get a lot of tinnitus and I got really collapsing nauseous once but it turned out to just be food poisoning because once a day of it was over I wasn't sick anymore

So I think they get seizures and cardiac symptoms....

Its been kind of worrisome....that my heart rate be able to clear street pollution a bit unfairly.....but i did achieve homeostasis a blockage did not reach my heart and cause collapse

The pastor told me to not worry about the extensive gifts to women that will date men or appear with men I should notice something about the stuffs coloring that it's a satanic pursuit to call oneself a winning criminal case that can quickly readjust after jail so just dont pay attention to any of that

Its playboys or church of satans stuff so just dont get involved in that

Its people who claim they were in jail several years but they are quick up and getting back into things....it's jail for several years it causes severe macular degeneration it's character would act more blind then they do

Their neo Nazis...they light radiate peoples eyes till they have thick white tumors over their irises and pupils just to get to operate on them and use the tissue as a koch art form it's jail it's really horrifying

Honey and taffy...taffy is kind of a bully man...I would not find the stuff worth much if I had to have taff butt slap me

The staff just said don't touch other people's stuff or you will get bullied around so I think honey does have to many repetitions of the same stuff because taff does bully her

Its other people's stuff...we were suppose to be like a team and each get a positive supportive gift package

He wanted to know about housing programs so I told him I don't know anything about any housing programs this is a really unfair place people maybe have records about infrastructure digging in Africa or Muslim sweat sew shops in India this place is very unfair

Their Christians and Christians cannot be kind or forgive the Muslim world

Barcelona told me I have seen apparitions and to these people my reports of revolutionary and miraculous healing are satanic and I deserve pharmacology for life for being called a heretic

That's these people they want to live their settlement richer and dump me in institutions for life their too materialistically vain for disbelief in my visions

Christians are influenced by Germans you have to ask Germans if the regular 64 million stolen off the public budget can do something other then research severe emergence and send all aid to troops

Its really unfair they told me if I won't apply for state 🆔 then I have to live in toxic dirty conditions without a sanitary toilet always

Their gross vain prostitute wages keep increasing off my absence in quick unreasonable ways so their disbelief in my visions of miraculous healing is too sinful to be true

He asked me about unemployment so I told him........I don't know anything about unemployment this is a very unfair place.....they told me to collect unemployment that I had to keep applying for jobs that I don't care about don't know people in and am not really personally motivated to believe in

I was a Lutheran and it's just to steal our childlike faith and belief in social connection best displays the will of God

Its childhood it's barn jumping and river jumping it's like believing in flight

This is a really unfair place if the criminals are telling the truth they did serve several years in jail and they were still coming up to them about work....very unforgiving they serve their time and they want even more punitive activity

This is an unfair place like eco terrorists tried to make the surrounding building project reek of animal feces sometimes

Baudelaire children tried to leave to uncle monty but he came back for them

He wanted to know about ads to just be given like 10.000 so I told him theoretically it's a neat stick like people could be given their sex harassment and personal injury settlement in gimmicky ways but as far as I've tried it doesn't work they will make you go through the whole formality of court and intense scrutiny and victim blame of courts before it's wrong to make women feel they have to be an ass or boob to have the things people do in life

You have to cook you have to play the role of boob at people

I went to the law library and Riverside does have a womens liberation revolution culture here there are a lot of men that do really dislike people who hit or batter or neglect or injure women

There are men around who do find their strength feminine it appears and the law library is surprising that way they do really dislike women treated violently though

I don't know i have known enough women poorly to find second wave feminism good for them sometimes I think women do have a masculine impulse to be pretty good at argumentation and fighting and people should not put that candle out excessive passivity is a sad horrible hell to see

People should not make unjust punitive demands of anyone I do really dislike doesn't deserve that though

That's me about women I meet I think their kind of mental because they don't really do anything too awful to people but they inspire in people these horrible aggressive symptoms

I don't like men hitting women who have been abusive to me that I find truly grotesque and repugnantly disgusting but if a different group of women not so intimidated by them knows to do gay things to them that I don't find unjust

People like her are very incriminating in speech and without obligation and if a gay group told her to re enlist with them that I don't find unjust

This is a very unfair place they put up pedophile signs like computers may only be used for educational purposes like maximum sicko beater dad told you you can't have a day of fun

Uhm bunk ladies does pimp daddy try to beat and sterilize here much

After maximum penalties did gross daddy keep trying to peek at ya in the shower and fuck ya up real bad on street drugs

Does your street daddy rape much

The things cause forced emotion rules instead of correct psychotherapeutic action then stalk around with intoxicative fuck ya up street drugs

Cause PTSD much

[animaxmovie]

Meeting the Animax (Max and Bronze's dialogue only)

Hmmm... That always seemed to work in Scooby-Doo.

So, I guess I haven't got rid of you, after all. You just pop up in different spots like a... whatever... pops up in different spots. So is tarnishing my work not enough? Back to finish the job? WHAT?!

*sigh* And I thought I was being rescued. I'm breathing my last breaths here, and I get visited by Luigi the Ninja Vandal come all this way to tamper with my sculptures! What are you, an art critic?!

So, what do you do? Travel around looking for derelict buildings where you can terrorize the survivors by redecorating while they're helpless? What- What d'you do? Bring a spray can too?

Look, if you're here to rescue me, fine. Just get on with it. If you're gonna add insult to injury by messing with my art, I can do without you, okay? Just... leave me here to die in peace with my work.

What do you want? WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

Where... are you going, anyway?

You seem... different... somehow. Unlike before, your... your patterns. You're more... curious. Like... you don't really know what you're doing here, do you? You're not the same intruder...

So... why are you here? Are you looking for something? Me?

I... don't know why I feel this, but I guess I have an... instinct about you. My other "guest" didn't... feel right to me. Y-You're different somehow... like... like I should trust you.

Sorry, you'll have to excuse the scanner, gotta make sure. Well, here you are. You found me. And I guess I've decided to trust you. It's not like I have many options. I don't know, maybe we can... help each other out. I'm Animax. Call me "Max" for short. You've probably figured out by now that I'm not a... normal human. But I'm willing to accept it, really. This is what I am, a genetically engineered... being, if you wanna be politically correct. I'm trapped in here with the power dying out a little quickly, I'm afraid. But I need to know who you people are, though. I guess I can safely rule out the fire department.

Well, pleased to meet you all.

Hey, how's about I make you an offer you can't refuse? Take me with you!

C'mon, you need me! I think I know who you're after! The same guy who messed with my sculpture! I can show you where he's headed.

So, what do you think? We got a deal?

Great! Oh, you guys're not gonna regret this. Now let's see. I can tell you how to get me out of this tank. You first gotta pull that lever. That'll drain the artificial amniotic fluid I'm swimming in.

Okay, now you can open the door!

---

To those who may find this

I wrote this as a sort of will in the event that anything should happen to me. This message is more of an appeal.

13 years before I write this, I undertook an experiment to genetically engineer a new form of human life. The result was astonishing. At first, I considered the experiment a failure. Initially, it seemed as though I had artificially created a regular human being, but as time went on, she demonstrated a power so remarkable I was quite astonished: The ability to generate vegetation from barren earth, to introduce life to infertile soil. It was a result I was unprepared for. However, my Animax is not simply a living terraformer; She is a person as human as you or I, and I have sheltered her from the circus our world would make of her.

I'm afraid I may have influenced her enough (My passion for 20th to 21st century media), but I ask that you understand, and if you can find it in yourself to protect and care for her in my place, since there are dangerous people out there who would seek to exploit her for their own gain. As my daughter, she means a great deal to me.

-Dr. Lorenzo Bronze

[jeffchats]

The first girl for sure is his type appearance wise but she’s from Australia. How would that work? And she’s only just turning 25 this year, she’s the same age as Tana. Jeff & Tana have differences in relatability to each other’s interests because of age, they either get each other or have no clue about each other. Jeff is a typical millennial and the girl will be Gen Z. But who knows there may be common ground. I feel like the rest of the girls are not entirely his type. The girls are pretty but I feel like the problem Jeff is going to have if he takes things seriously is the girls understanding his personality/humour and being able to put up with his lifestyle. Also vise-versa, Jeff may not like the slower paced life the girl has maybe? The girls seem too sweet/sheltered for him, don’t know if you agree?

I get it and don’t get me wrong all the girls seem like gems in their own different ways. But I agree. Is the Australian girl already LA based? Is she going to move or is he going to move? I do not see it working out long distance. It’s nice the girls aren’t in the influencer world as far as it seems but it was hard for me to see Jeff dating any of them for the long haul. For example, he wants a family and I’m not sure if any of them especially those in their mid 20s are ready to commit to that. Jeff also mentions wanting someone who is ambitious and are these girls ready to put any career ambitions on hold to have children? As it is I am not even sure if Jeff is entirely ready himself for that kind of commitment. I know he wants a partner but he has to be willing to compromise and probably make sacrifices for it to work. It just makes me wonder why his past relationships didn’t work out and not what the girls did or did not do wrong but also Jeff.

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

~*~

Hello Mojo, hope you're doing well and that you had a good break! I wanted to signal boost the MDZS May Diaspora event collection on AO3, and point out my favorite fic from there: 归心似箭 | Longing to Go Home by dragongirlG! It's both tender and bittersweet and it features such mature writing. The author got some hate for it when it initially got posted so I wanted to counter that and give it some love instead! [Who would do such a thing?!  @dragongirlg-fics I’m sorry that happened to you, and here, have *so many hugs!* I’ll try to do a thing just for the diaspora event, but meanwhile, I’ll just treat this as a follower rec.]

归心似箭 | Longing to Go Home

by dragongirlG (M, 8k, wangxian)

Summary:  The destruction of the Yin Tiger Seal does not kill Wei Wuxian; it ages him instead. He takes shelter in a cave expecting to die, but instead he lives, slowly learning to embrace life with each new day.

Thirteen years later, a young man with a Lan forehead ribbon stumbles into the cave. His name is Lan Sizhui.

~*~

Hi Momjo!!! I recently read the most *adorable* fic, and I loved it so much that it dragged me out of seclusion (read: social anxiety cave) to rec it. It's called 'Covered in Bees' by ScarlettStorm in which the Cloud Recesses is an apiary, and Wei Wuxian has suddenly found himself host to a swarm of bees. ~ @akyra-talanoa

Covered in Bees

by ScarlettStorm (T, 8k, wangxian)

Summary: “Cloud Reccesses Apiary,” says a toneless, deep masculine voice, with zero question in it. Wei Ying doesn’t care, because whoever possesses that voice is probably going to come save him from bees like a fucking hero while wearing like, a suit of armor. That’s what you wear to catch bees, right?

“I have like, so many bees outside my front door right now,” he says, mouth running out ahead of him before he can even begin to think about reining it in. “It’s like a sandstorm of bees out there. There are so many bees. I got out of my car and there were just bees and I don’t want these bees. Do you want these bees? Please tell me you will come get these bees. I can’t leave my house and I have enough food for maybe a week but then I’m gonna have to learn how to cook dry beans and no one wants that, especially not me.” Wei Ying runs out of air, takes a breath, and belatedly adds, “My name is Wei Ying. Hi.”

Or: The beekeeping AU that no one asked for.

~*~

Hi, you are a bless to this fandom. Your blog feels like a library, so thoroughly arranged and always within hand reach. [Thank you, wow!]  Recently, I was going through Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn is a Wēn tag and came across a fanfic, it has 3 chapters till now and is so intriguing that i thought to recommend it to you. I don't know if I can recommend or if you have already checked the story, The legendary Phoenix and his Dragon by Devipriya. I am in love with this story. I hope you will enjoy it too, do check it out

The legendary Phoenix and his Dragon

by Devipriya (T, 7k, wangxian)

Summary:  Wen Wuxian, the essence of who he is, he is a naughty child, a prankster, an enchanting dizi player, a graceful dancer, an irresistible lover, a truly valiant warrior, a ruthless vanquisher of his foes, a man who left a broken heart in every home, an astute statesman and kingmaker, a thorough gentleman, a righteous individual of the highest order, and the most colorful incarnation.

He has been seen, perceived, understood and experienced in many different ways by different people. Different people saw different facets of who he is. For some, he is God. For some, he is a crook. For some, he is a lover. For some, he is a fighter. He is so many things.

But the phoenix, seen from the eyes of time was just a playful man. A man who plays with his awareness, with his imagination, with his memory, with his life, with his death. An individual who does not just dance with somebody. He dances with life. He dances with his enemy, He dances with the one he loves, He dances even at the moment of his death.

To taste an essence of who is Wen Wuxian, be with me in the journey of exploration, NO! playful exploration of life of a playful man.

~*~

Hi! Thanks for running this blog, it's helped me find so many fics. For your next follower recs post, I wanted to rec "This love like a flood, a fire, a fear" by natcat5. Its summary is vague (which I suspect is why it isn't better known) but it is a beautiful retelling of canon from LWJ's POV with slight canon divergence. I love the author's characterization of him and the prose is gorgeous. It is easily my favorite fic in the entire fandom, and I don't say that lightly. ~ @nyanja14

This love like a flood, a fire, a fear

by natcat5 (M, 57k, wangxian, lan wangji & lan xichen)

Summary:  “I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch everything go wrong.”   - Lemony Snicket

~*~

i came to this ask to rec this baseball one called "Waiting for Spring" by thievinghippo on ao3. It somehow made me care about baseball soooo 'nough said ~ @scifikimmi

Waiting for Spring

by thievinghippo (E, 131, wangxian)

Summary:  “It is a well-known fact across the major leagues that one does not smack Lan Wangji’s ass.”

Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes. Everyone smacks everyone’s ass in baseball. It’s how the game is played. Lan Wangji does not get to be exempt from this most sacred of baseball traditions.

Wei Wuxian will make sure of that.

Or, a Major League Baseball AU

~*~

hi mojo! i wanted to rec Something Good by boxoftheskyking (a loose sound of music/canon divergence au) and also MDZS: The Golden Engine by iffervescent (immortal wangxian modern au where they gotta solve a mystery and save china, featuring jiang cheng/lan xichen)

Something Good

by boxoftheskyking (T, 43k, wangxian)

Summary:  "That Wei Wuxian, you know he used to be such a promising cultivator. Head Disciple of the Jiang Clan, can you believe it? You see, juniors, the punishment for traveling the path of demonic cultivation. No golden core, not so much as a whisper of spiritual power."

As a punishment for real and imagined crimes, Wei Wuxian is sentenced to work at Cloud Recesses as the lowest of servants. When a surprising reassignment lands him with eleven children to care for, everything changes again.

A Sound of Music AU

MDZS: The Golden Engine

by iffervescent (E, 82k, wangxian, xicheng)

Summary:  In the modern era, immortals Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian return to Gusu. New evil and old friends + new friends and old evils.

~*~

Hi Mojo! First of all let me just tell you that you are amazing and this blog is like a gift from the gods! Bless you and your endless patience and hard work. [Oh, thank you so much!]  I know that you have just accepted follower recs and I have missed miserably but I still wanted to write and bring attention to a writer by the pseudo Xiao_Hua on ao3, I think they are quite good and I just recently found the account with so much content. If you do have the time to check them out, I'd rec catfish, my fox or the red ribbon.

The Red Ribbon

by Xiao_Hua (M, 21k, wangxian, TGCF crossover)

Summary:  Wei WuXian died but not before saving HanGuang-Jun and A-Yuan, leaving so much more behind than just his ribbon.

My Fox

by Xiao_Hua (E, 13k, wangxian)

Summary:  Once he headed to YiLing that all changed for him. His priorities have been mingled with and ordered in complete disarray even without him noticing as he was left heavily influenced by a creature.

Or one where Lan WangJi is a dragon-spirit and he finds his mate in the form of a fox.

Catfish

by Xiao_Hua (E, 15k, wangxian)

Summary:  Wei WuXian has a common sense that believes it has a nine-to-five job while Lan WangJi finds that incredibly hot.

Or one where two catfish realise that neither of them truly catfished.

~*~

Hi Mojo i'm recommending this amazing fic it is called song of joys and regrets. it's a time travel AU it's amazing. And your Blog is a Godsend Thank you! [Aw, you’re so sweet!]  ~ @highgoddess

Song of Joy and Regrets

by HelloKitten (not rated, 59k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  The Archery competition at Qishan this year has hit a snag. As the Sects face the wrongs perpetrated by their future selves, Wei Wuxian finds himself adopted by half of the cultivation world who are determined to save him from himself.

Baby Wangxian suffers. Adult Wangxian's job here is done.

"I'm starting to see a pattern to all his plans..." "Do they all involve him being bait?" "Yes" came deadpanned responses.

~*~

Here’s a 2021 Reverse Big Bang entry, in time for Father’s Day; [Oops, my bad, sorry!]  Under a Blanket of Black Wings, by ChaoticAndrogynous (#31398395); LWJ, recuperating from the 33 lashes, tells A-Yuan a series of fairytales about a heroic monster and the brave little boy he befriended. Vampire! WWX (in the framing story as well as the story-within-the-story); happy ending.

Under a Blanket of Black Wings

by ChaoticAndrogynous (T, 19k, wangxian)

Summary:  Lan Wangji tells A-Yuan a bedtime story about a beautiful monster and the brave little boy who was his friend. Thirteen years later, the monster returns.

~*~

Hello Mojo! Have you read ‘Key Differences’ by Pupeez4eva? Its a MDZS!WWX meets CQL!WWX and its really good! [It’s on my list!]

Key Differences

by pupeez4eva (T, 6k, wangxian)

Summary:  “I don’t understand,” Wei Wuxian said, while his alternate self continued to stare at him with almost a look of hurt in his eyes. There was longing in there too, which Wei Wuxian would have easily recognised if he paid enough attention. “How could you not get together, after everything. What even went on in the Guanyin Temple if you didn’t confess?”

“The Guanyin Temple,” Wei Ying repeated incredulously. “You’re asking me if I confessed at — honestly, a lot went on that day. It was a life and death situation. There was no confessing.”

Wei Wuxian stared at him, appalled.

(Wherein Wei Wuxian ends up meeting an alternate version of himself who, much to his horror, never married Lan Wangji. Obviously he has to do something to fix this).

~*~

Hey Mojo i would recommend this fanfic if you already haven’t, it’s called “ take me back to a time “ by DizziDreams. It’s sooooo good

take me back to a time

by DizziDreams (T, 144k, wangxian, 3zun)

Summary:  Wei Ying has a lot on his plate right now.

It’s finals week -- which isn’t so bad. He’s never had to study much to do well in classes. But that just means that things are that much more tense with Jiang Cheng, who, as far as Wei Ying can tell, only takes study breaks long enough to glare at Wei Ying where he sits on the couch playing video games.

It’s not studies that have Wei Ying stressed out. It’s everything else. It’s the recruitment for the research trial he’s coordinating. It’s jiejie and her impending marriage to His Royal Douchebag Jin Zixuan. It’s the volunteer work at the palliative care facility. It’s Wen Ning’s worsening condition. It’s Wen Qing working herself thin to care for her brother and Wen Yuan. It’s the way Wen Yuan never seems to have enough food.

So, yeah. There’s enough on Wei Ying’s plate already, meaning it’s not entirely welcome when he comes home and finds a man standing in his bedroom. A man in extravagant white robes, a ribbon tied around his forehead, long hair gathered into a topknot, fist clutching a sword at his side, who asks him, “Where am I?”

~*~

Idk if this has already been rec’d (I’ve been off the grid for a while now), but there’s this absolutely incredible fic called Restitution by an anon on ao3 people should definitely check out!

this one?

on restitution

by Anonymous (M, 78k, wangxian, jin ling & wei wuxian, lan sizhui & wei wuxian, WIP)

Summary:  When Wei Wuxian regains consciousness, he is in a bed. A real, proper bed, not the slab he called a bed in his cave in the Burial Mounds.

Jiang Cheng is glowering above him.

Wei Wuxian doesn't die during the siege of the Burial Mounds. Rather, he is captured in secret and confined at Lotus Pier. Things change accordingly.

~*~

Hi momjo! I feel like every time I come to your blog there's twenty more new and amazing fics for me to read. Thank you for everything you do for this fandom!  [Thank you, sweetie!  And yes, I think there ARE 20 new fics every day out there in the fandom.  It’s amazing!] Today I come bearing my own rec to you. I've recently read this and it's IMO one of the best fics out there. It's called Lapsteel by carriecmoney and it's a modern stormchaser AU featuring country songs and coming home. ~ @manaika-chan​

Lapsteel

by carriecmoney (T, 42k, wangxian)

Summary:  Now and then, I think about you now and then...

It's been thirteen years since Wei Ying ran for the prairies, leaving behind a family in shambles and a secret on the Pacific wind. What happens when the storm he swirled catches up to him?

Modern AU with country music star Lan Zhan, stormchaser Wei Ying, and shared crossroads.

~*~

[whereisten]

Cat and Mouse

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | more coming soon

Summary: You’re the daughter of an extremely well-known pastor. You’ve lived a quiet and sheltered life, that is until you meet and fall in lust with a gang leader they call the Grim Reaper.

Pairing: Gang Leader And Yandere!Taeyong X female reader (college student)

Genre: angst, SMUT, violence, if you squint there may be some fluff

Warnings: graphic and violent scenes described, murder, mentions of religious practices (this in no way is meant to offend followers of Christianity), blood and death mention, character death, gun and knife mention, profanity, toxic relationship, little alcohol use, drug addiction themes, stalking, manipulation, blackmail, waterboarding (torture), obsession, posessiveness, sexual assault is briefly mentioned. Breast fondling, thigh riding, corruption/innocence kink, pet names, recording of sexual acts, oral sex (male and female), car sex, unprotected sex, penetration, sir kink, breeding kink, bdsm themes (choking, restraints, knife play, intense gun play, blood play), orgasm denial, overstimulation, c*eampie. Ohmygodihopeilistedeverything

Word Count: 26.2K (I had to make up for not updating this for MONTHS)

Tag list: @teddybella @suhfluffy @adorejaehyn @jennieshairstrand @markyongcore @promisesandchances @yeetyeethoe @ericafujimura @5shotsamericano @jonginvlog @dudamoreira12 @saratyongf @ncteaxhoe @steamyjaehyun @neostains @stansuperm @alreadyblondenow @suhweo @daanniee @shiningstarsarah @kikomizukii @thepeachystars @ashleyyxoxo @katallest-katolis @onestop-shot @lollokilnala @jaehyunswifey​ @chlwpgk​ @theworld-accordingtocasey​

DISCLAIMER AND A/N: where do I start? First of all, as mentioned in part 1, Taeyong is a manipulative and evil man in this, please remember this is fiction and definitely DOESNT represent the real Taeyong. The acts of violence are graphically described, I’m talking blood and gore, please do not read if you are sensitive to these things. Also, Taeyong is yandere in this, Hes not a true and honest lover and I hope that we all understand that what he does is sickening and wrong. This is also influenced by the manhwa, Killing Stalking. With that being said, I am so sorry for taking forever to update this, but I hope you all think it was worth the wait at the end❤️

[A Week After Thanksgiving]

“Mark...I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

You held Mark’s hand as you exited the elevator in the hospital and squeezed it lightly.

Mark turned and gave you a small smile. “It’s alright, thank you for being here with me now.” His eyes were wide and adorable as they always were. He had no idea that you were the cause for his pain, that you knew exactly who hurt him and could bring him to justice, but refused to.

Taeyong wore his skull mask when he attacked Mark and refused to mention you, so Mark thought he was just the victim of a random attack..he didn’t think it was—personal.

It had a been a few months since it all happened and you were slowly becoming more comfortable with keeping the truth to yourself. After all, you loved Taeyong, you were dating now and you couldn’t bear the thought of being without him. He made you feel wanted, desired, and loved. He showed you new things, he made your life so much more exciting that it was before.

Yes, he messed up by hurting Mark, but he told you he would never do it again..just as long as you did what he said.

And so you hoped that he’d never discover you here with Mark today at the hospital. Mark had to take a few X-rays to ensure that his ribs were healing correctly. You went with him because it’s the least you could do for being the cause of all this.

The two of you now waited for the doctor to come in with the X-ray prints in his assigned hospital room. You shimmy off your coat and hang it on a hook by the door while Mark lays in the hospital bed, still in his gown.

“These gowns are kinda awkward, like If I sit up right now, you’d get a clean look at my bum.” Mark laughed, his eyes shutting tightly.

You laughed out too. “Oh, then don’t sit up please, just imagining that makes my eyes water.”

“Y/n...there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you..” Mark cleared just throat as his tone grew more serious.

Oh no. Is he going to ask you about that night? Does he know that you know who his attacker is?

You nod slowly and bite your lips.

“I feel like..we’ve known each other for a while now..and with finals coming up and everything..I know we’ll be away from each other for a while..but when all this is over..would you like to go..ice skating with me..just me?”

Your mouth falls open and your eyes widen. Was he really asking you out?

“You know..there’s that new park with the Christmas lights and cool decorations..we can grab something to eat before..or-or after, whichever works for you..” Mark swallows hard as he waits for your answer.

“Mark...that’s really..this is really sudden..I’m not sure..”

“It’s okay! Don’t worry about it.” Mark gives an awkward laugh.

“I-I appreciate it, Mark. But I’m kinda seeing someone right now.” You pout and look away from his round eyes.

Had you not known Taeyong, you probably would’ve gone with Mark. It was an adorable idea, you loved spending time with him. And while you couldn’t see him as a romantic interest for all these years, maybe a date would’ve changed your mind. But it was too late, you loved Taeyong.

“Oh? Who is it? How have I never met him?” Mark’s mouth fell, but he didn’t look upset, he looked happy for you rather.

You nodded quickly and opened your mouth to speak, but the grumbling of your stomach interrupted you. You laughed in an effort to cover up the sound, but Mark’s eyes floated down from your face and to your stomach while you clutched it.

He smiled slowly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t eat anything before we came here.” You looked away, feeling your face become hot.

Mark chuckled. “It’s okay! I’m hungry too, there’s a Starbucks downstairs, wanna grab something for yourself and for me too?”

“Sure!” You jumped up from your chair, thankful for an excuse to leave this somewhat awkward conversation.

“I’ll be right back!”

You headed downstairs and ordered a protein pack and coffee for Mark and a muffin for yourself. You thanked the cashier and hurried back to the elevator.

It was crowded with people at first, but as you approached your floor on one of the higher levels, more and more visitors, nurses and doctors started to exit.

All except for one.

The man dressed in scrubs kept his head down, his hair tucked into a blue surgical cap and his face covered with a face mask. You stood in the corner of the elevator and watched him closely. Something about him seemed off. Why was he holding his head down? Why did he stand in the middle of the elevator with his arms crossed?

But then again, maybe he was worried about something, maybe you were over thinking.

You sighed and leaned your head onto the wall. It felt like the longest ride ever to your floor. You looked at the numbers on the elevator light up as you passed each floor.

But then, you heard the man chuckle lowly. It was a haunting sound, a familiar sound.

His crackling voice echoed in the now empty elevator. Your brows furrowed and you stood up straight. 

“Oh little mouse, what am I going to do with you?”

That voice..

Taeyong turns and walks towards you and before you can even comprehend what’s happening, he presses your body into the corner of the elevator.

You fall back, your grip on your bag with food and coffee tightening as you swallow hard.

Taeyong’s eyes are dark, filled with fire and disappointment as he stares into your eyes.

You barely recognize him in the doctor’s uniform, but you finally notice the neck tattoo he had.

How did he know you were here?

Your mouth falls open, you can’t even form coherent sentences as he towers over you and gives you an evil look like he’s ready to kill you slowly..and painfully.

“You love him, don’t you?” Taeyong spits out angrily.

“Wait..wait Tae, I can explain.” You shake your head.

“He doesn’t have anyone to go with him to his doctors appointment, it’s the least I could do.”

“I don’t give a shit if that loser doesn’t have anyone to be with, you aren’t supposed to be here! You were supposed to listen to me! How many times do I have to tell you you’re mine?” Taeyong’s voice grows louder, he slams his hand onto the wall beside your head.

“You’re the one that put him here! How can you be so..so selfish? He doesn’t deserve any of this?!”

“And I do? I deserve to be hurt by you going behind my back to be with him? You aren’t loyal to me and that hurts, y/n.” Taeyong’s face softened a bit as he searched your eyes.

“Behind your back? You’re not my father! I don’t have to answer to you, you won’t even claim me to your friends and you expect me to be loyal to you?”

“Oh and loyalty? Taeyong, I could easily tell everyone all that you’ve done. I could tell the police, news stations, EVERYONE..”

Taeyong suddenly grips your throat, stopping you mid rant, and leans in closer. “But you won’t..will you?”

You grit your teeth, breathing heavily as he tightens his hold.

“Everything I did, I did for you..you ungrateful brat.” He releases you, but quickly takes you by the wrist and leads you out of the elevator. He hurriedly brushes past all of the nurses in the hallway, no one suspecting him even as he drags you behind him.

He finally finds an empty room. He tosses you inside and locks the door behind him.

He takes your bag and coffee from you and places it onto a table by the window, leaving you standing there in the middle of the room with your mouth agape.

He stares out the window and begins to talk to himself.

 “I let you out of my sight for one moment and you do this to me? I thought I was clear the first time. But it seems I wasn’t. Oh little mouse, don’t you know I don’t like repeating myself?”

 He turns back to you slowly. His low eyes stare into yours as he takes his mask off, and you finally see the handsome face of your lover.

His lips are pursed and he steps closer to you.

“Taeyong..” you swallow hard, nervous by his calm demeanor. He watches you like a predator watching his prey, he’s unpredictable and like a stranded gazelle, you’re not sure what to do, where to run to.

Do you run out the door and make him even more upset? Do you press the buzzer and call for help?

You could do anything to get away from him right now, but you don’t. Why? Because you want him.

“Get on the bed..” once in front of you he pushes your chest lightly, making you stumble on the hospital bed behind you. You push yourself up on both elbows while breathing heavily, watching as he crawls over you slowly and carefully.

His breath now on your lips as you tremble under him. “How will you make this up to me, little mouse?” He tilts his head and stares at your lips, the gazes down your neck.

“I-“

“Put your hands above your head..”

On impulse, you do as he says.

He still stares at you while grazing your neck lightly with his soft lips. He dips his hand into his pocket and pulls something out, but you can’t figure out what it is.

His eyes break away fro your neck and go to your hands where he tightens one zip tie around each wrist and the metal bar of the bed.

He tightens them tightly, watching as you squeal and fidget under him.

“Taeyong..I want to touch you..please.” 

Your high pitched begging and innocent expression almost gets to Taeyong, but he shakes off the feeling and stares at your chest sticking up in the air.

He pushes himself up away from you, forcing your legs further apart as he takes a kneeling position between them.

Your button down dress rides up your thighs and to your hips as a result, just barely exposing your panties to him.

Taeyong bites his lips and runs his hands up your thighs slowly while groaning. His thumbs press into the soft skin as they work their way up to the apex of your legs.

Your breath hitches and you lick your lips.

“Taeyong..touch me.”

“You’re always begging, little mouse.” Taeyong  chuckles, his hands now running up your sides and squeezing your breasts through the fabric gently.

A shakey breath leaves your lips as you wriggle under him, anxious to feel more as your panties become increasingly wet just from his touch.

He takes your lips on his into an angry kiss, biting the bottom and licking over it. 

He slowly pumps your breast through the fabric, adoring your mewls and the way your head falls back as you ache for more.

“Wearing black I see? You’re dressed appropriately for a funeral.” He chuckles through his lips now covered with your red lipstick then takes his own time unbuttoning the buttons one by one to reveal more and more of your beautiful skin.

Once all of the buttons have been undone, he separates the limp fabric covering your chest and stomach.

You hiss with the sudden exposure to the frigid air.

“Oh? And no bra? Is this how Mark likes it? Oh, what has he done to my innocent girl?”

Taeyong’s look of danger makes you move under him again. His dark eyes are so tempting, but mysterious. You just wish he’d touch you again.

“We..we never did anything, Taeyong. I promise.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Taeyong runs his cold hands up your abdomen again, this time, letting them rest around your neck, as if to choke you once more.

You fidget under him while you try to think of what to say.

“You’re squirming like there’s something inside you already maybe we should get it out.” Taeyong lets your breasts go and reaches over for something on the small table beside the bed.

He raises the shiny object to his face and smiles widely. “Let’s play doctor.”

His husky voice lets out.

He brings a scalpel to your chest with the sharp blade just barely pressing into it.

You take in a sharp breath, your chest collapsing at the feeling of the cold metal on you.

“Taeyong..”

“Taeyong? It’s doctor to you.”

“Doctor..what are you doing?” You gulp.

Taeyong’s mouth tilts upward into a smirk as he watches the scalpel dance on your skin, threatening to break into it if he just applies a bit more pressure.

“How does this feel, little mouse?” He draws the scalpel along your thigh now, stopping just before your folds.

“Is it cold? Does it hurt?” Taeyong pauses before continuing, looking into your large eyes and glancing down at your swollen, parted red lips.

He then looks down to your beautiful skin and hums lowly. “Mmmmm I like the way your skin is reacting.”

Your arms and neck are littered with goose pimples, every slight tough from the knife makes you shiver, but you’re even more turned on for some reason.

“Can you feel the edge when I press it into you?”

Taeyong looks into your eyes as he presses the scalpel a little harder onto your belly.

“Y-yes, I can feel it, Doctor. Please, don’t hurt me.” You bite your lips.

Taeyong chuckles. “I’m not going to hurt you, I’m in control, just relax. I haven’t actually cut you..yet.”

He bites his lips then looks down at your hard nipples. He feels his member poke through the thin fabric of his scrubs, he knows he can’t hold back, but he’d love to have you like this for a longer time. You’re tied up and on full display just for him. Your eyes still hold that innocent look that he adored. That unknowing look that makes him so weak as he ruins you time and time again.

He circles the scalpel around your nipple. The delicate feeling makes your head spin. You can’t think of anything but him. You moan and bring your body up towards him more.

“Please.”

He looks down at your soaking panties and smirks. “You seem to be liking this a lot.”

He uses a finger to bring down the thin fabric covering your aching opening. You jump in response to his finger just barely grazing against it.

He then takes the scalpel and slowly cuts the fabric, your pussy now exposed to him. He licks his lips and leans down to lick your nipples.

“Yes...that feels good.”

You swear you could cum just from the feeling of his wet tongue circling around your nipple.

He sucks on it fervently as you struggle against your restraints. You can feel his hard member brush against your folds and you just want to stroke it before greeting it with your needy flower.

Taeyong then kisses your neck, his hands still pumping your breasts as he grinds down into you.

“Tell me..where it hurts..” he says in between kisses.

“Tell the doctor what you need, little mouse.”

He licks a long stripe up your neck then bites into it as you yelp.

“Please..Doctor. I need relief down there. I need you to fuck me.” You whine and struggle again.

Taeyong groans and lowers the waistband of his scrubs. He pushes two fingers deep into your opening without warning. Your legs shift on the bed as you throw your head back and moan loudly. 

“How about this?” Taeyong teases you as he slowly moves his fingers in and out, curving the top of them so they hit your sweet spot.

And while it does feel good to have something inside you, you know you need more.

“No..no doctor, I need you.”

Taeyong chuckles as he takes his fingers out and replaces it with his dick, pushing into you so hard, the bed creaks as it moves and hits the wall.

“Yes! Yes, that’s it.” You cry out.

He sucks your nipple again, but your silk walls closing around his aching member makes him dizzy. He anchors himself with his hands on your thighs and focuses on pushing in harder, deeper than ever before.

Your mouth falls open as he ruins you, driving you crazy with each thrust. The sounds of his low groans and his hips snapping into yours fill your ears.

Your mind goes empty, you can only think of one word.

Taeyong.

He’s all you can think of as you begin to unravel. He soothes your nerves and needs with his cock stretching you out and you couldn’t be more relieved.

He takes your ankles into his hands and places both legs on his shoulders, burying into you at a different angle.

Your head falls back as you moan loudly, not caring about who could possibly hear you in the hallway or next room over.

He smirks as he looks down at you going insane from his movements. He then places two fingers onto your neglected clit, massaging it as he slides in and out of your quivering pussy faster.

“Oh, I’m going to..I’m going to cum.” Tears prick at the corners of your eyes. You’re so overwhelmed with pleasure.

“That’s it, little mouse, the doctor is making you feel so good.”

He sticks his tongue out and licks your breast again, covering it in spit as you begin to leak onto the sheets below you.

Your eyes shut tightly and begin to roll in the back of your head as you cum.

Taeyong continues to fuck you hard, the metal bar hitting the wall at a steady pace now as he approaches his own high. He watches your quivering pussy swallow his dick and coat it in your cum.

Your body falls weak while you come down. You can only feel over sensitivity as Taeyong continues to use your body. He watches your breasts jump with each thrust and groans, your eyes wet with tears and your wrists becoming irritated from struggling against the zip ties. Everything about you is so perfect to him.

He slides out of you quickly before stroking his member and releasing onto your belly.

He breathes heavily, locking eyes with yours while every drop escapes onto your perfect skin.

He collects the cum with the scalpel he placed to the side. You tremble and watch.

“Open your mouth.” He demands.

You open your mouth and stick your tongue out.

“Lick it, carefully, we wouldn’t want that wonderful tongue of yours getting cut, would we?” He places the scalpel with his cum onto your tongue. You lick it off slowly, praying that you don’t cut your tongue in the process.

While you do that, he traces his fingertips around and in between your folds to collect your juices, then sticks his fingers into his mouth and licks the essence off.

He leans down and kisses you, his tongue circling around yours to combine your seed with his.

You moan into his mouth as you kiss and taste each other.

When he pulls away, he looks onto you lowly and licks his lips.

He tucks his member back into his pants and gets off of the bed while wiping his mouth.

He watches you on the bed with your arms tied to it still, you look up at him questioningly. Why was he taking so long to let you loose?

He fixes his mask over his face. “You’re too good to let go..I’ll have to kill Mark for good.”

Your eyes widen and you tug harshly against the ties. “No! No, no you can’t!”

“Why not? Do you love him?”

“Taeyong! It’s not like that at all! Please trust me, he’s just my friend.” You start to cry, there’s nothing you can do, you’re tied to the bed.

“I'm doing this for us.” Taeyong takes the scalpel and puts it into his shirt pocket before heading to the door.

“No! No you can’t! There’s cameras! You won’t get away with this, Taeyong! I swear I will tell everyone the truth this time!” You tell in a last minute attempt to stop this crazy man from hurting Mark.

Taeyong chuckles. “That almost sounded like a threat..” he turns back to you and gives you a dark expression, you tremble and cower down.

“but I’ll forget about it because I love you..also, my guys will take care of everything, even getting you out of here.Just sit tight while I take care of this.”

Taeyong ignores your cries, shuts the door, and hurries to the elevator. He heads up to Mark’s floor.

Once on the floor, he walks over to the nurse at the main desk on the floor and asks for his room.

“I’m Doctor Lee, I need to follow up with a patient named Mark. Which room is he in?”

Meanwhile, you yell loudly, trying to get anyone’s attention while also trying to slither out of the ties. But unfortunately they’re too tight. The floor also appears to be relatively empty as no one seems to hear you.

After several minutes, a nurse finally runs into the room and is startled to find you naked and tied to the bed.

“Please! Please stop him! He’s gonna kill Mark!”

The nurse runs over to the bed and quickly looks for scissors to cut you loose. “What happened? Who did this to you? Are you okay?”

You’re hysterical as she cuts you loose. She can barely figure out what you’re saying. “No, please don’t worry about me! We have to find him before-“

“Shhh..ma’am you have to breathe, you have to slow down, I am going to help-“

She’s interrupted by the sound of a loud alarm blaring through the hospital.

“Code Red! Code Red! Everyone please find an escape route or escape room immediately.” The automated message echoes through the halls then repeats again.

The nurse’s eyes widen while she helps you button your dress up.

“Code red? Shit.”

“Miss, what does that mean?!” You jump off the bed and rub your wrists.

“That means there’s someone yielding a weapon in the hospital, they may or may not have already hurt people. Come with me! We have to go to the escape room!” She takes your hand as she opens the door, but you pull it away and run off towards the stairwell.

“Ma’am!!” She yells after you but you don’t stop, you run up the stairs to Mark’s floor.

Tears continue to fall as you sniffle and run.

You can’t believe you were so stupid to let Taeyong do this..again.

You could only pray that you would reach Mark in time.

You push the door open and are finally on Mark’s floor. As you run towards it, you notice there’s a loud ruckus by his room.

“No..”

You run even faster, pushing past the nurses as you get closer. But what you see stops you in your tracks.

Mark is on the hospital bed being pushed by several nurses and a doctor. They hurry to an operating room, but it seems like you were too late. 

Your hand flies over your mouth at the sight.

The same scalpel that Taeyong used on you sticks out of the brown haired boys neck. Blood gushes out and splatters the nurses uniforms. His eyes are closed and he seems to be choking, begging for air.

“I’m not getting a pulse! Move faster, we’re running out of time!!” A nurse yells as they rush past you.

Time seems to move in slow motion. You can’t think clearly, you can only feel pain. Your head spins. You hold onto the wall for support. How could he do this? How could he kill someone innocent? This was all your fault. 

You held your head in your hands and screamed loudly as you banged it onto the wall behind you.

“This is all my fault!! Oh, God! Why?!” You cry uncontrollably.

All the memories of Taeyong flooded your brain. It’s because of him. Your life turned upside down because of the devil with a sly smile and tempting touch. And you fell for it every time, like a fool, you fell into his trap.

You had to get away from him, he wasn’t going to let you go easy, you had to run.

So you bolted out of the hospital and into the snow without your coat or cell phone so he wouldn’t be able to track you.

You ran fast, the cold, harsh air stabbing your throat. Everything became a blur, you couldn’t see where you were going, but you knew that you just had to keep running.

You finally found a bus that had just approached its stop. You jumped onto it and headed to the back immediately. You sat down and held your face in your hands as you sobbed quietly, eventually drifting to sleep.

————

You’re woken up by a quick tap on the shoulder.

Your eyes open slowly to see the bus driver smiling at you fondly.

“Ma’am, this is the last stop.”

You sit up straight and rub your eyes. “Wh-what time is it? Where am I?”

“It’s 10 p.m, you’re at the last stop on the east side of town. Are you..alright? Shall I call for someone to help you home?”

You shake your head and look outside to see darkness. “No..no I’m fine, I’ll just go, thank you.”

You grab your bag and step off of the bus, walking quickly to the brightly lit downtown area. There had to be somewhere that had an available phone to call your parents from.

But then again, should you call them? What if Taeyong tapped their phones too? What if he was after them now that you were missing? He wouldn’t hurt them if they truly didn’t know where you are, right?

You hold yourself tightly and continue to walk briskly through the freezing streets.

“Miss? Do you need a coat?” A man calls out to you, but you shake your head and walk faster. The last thing you wanted was for some random man to try to “help” you.

Additionally, you didn’t know how many men worked for Taeyong. Once he told them to look for you, they could be anywhere, just waiting in the shadows to grab you up.

You found a table outside of a restaurant and sat down to take a break once you were far away from the man.

You held your head down and rubbed your eyes. 

What could you do now? You’re alone in a new town with no cellphone and you can’t just call your parents or friends.

You were too busy in thought to notice that the lights in the restaurant had been shut off now.

“Ma’am, excuse me, but we’re closed now and I have to put the chairs away- wait, don’t I know you?” The man’s voice interrupted you.

You looked up slowly and sat back in your chair. “Ah yes, I’m sorry, I was just resting..”

You wipe your eyes then rub your hands together to warm yourself, but when you look up at the man speaking to you, you instantly recognize him.

“J-Jaehyun from History 201?”

Jaehyun smiles and drops the garbage bag he’s holding.

“Y/n? How are you? It’s nice to see you.”

You nod and smile. You hoped you didn’t look at terrible as you felt. You had been crying all day, your eyes must’ve looked ridiculously swollen.

“I’m-I’m sorry, for uhhh, coming here like this.”

You looked down at the floor, and away from his handsome face.

You always had a weakness for Jaehyun. He was your partner in class last year and helped you with your final project the most. He was kind, always sparing time to help you with flashcards and study for hours into the late night at the library.

“Oh, no worries! I haven’t seen you around campus a lot this year, it’s nice to see you now! Wait, where’s your jacket? It’s freezing out here.”

“Oh..I don’t have one, I sorta ran here..actually, it’s a long story.”

“I’ll be right back, I’m gonna close up and grab you a coat, okay?” Jaehyun smiled widely then grabbed the garbage bag and turned the corner to go to the dumpster.

You immediately jumped up and started walking. 

Not again, not again. 

You couldn’t get another innocent and kind person involved with Taeyong. If he or any of his men even glimpsed Jaehyun with you, they’d beat him to a pulp.

You paced through the streets, and looked around for any restaurant that would be open late.

You felt terrible for running away from him when he was only filled with good intentions, but you had to to protect him.

About fifteen minutes into walking down a new street, you hear the honking of a car horn.

You step to the right and further away from them, but the person slows down and matches your pace. You don’t dare to look over, you only walk faster and look for possible routes to run through to get away from them.

“Hey! I told you to wait! What are you doing?”

Jaehyun yells out through the passenger window.

“Please, Jaehyun, I just can’t..I can’t be seen with you right now. It’s difficult to explain.” You held yourself and marched forward.

“Whatever is going on with you can wait! Right now, you’re about to catch pneumonia if you don’t get out of the freezing cold. Hop in! And I’m not asking this time.”

Jaehyun turns his car in front you swiftly once at a pedestrian walk way, you’re forced to stop walking. You look up at him with red, watery eyes.

“Please, y/n..I want to help you.”

You take one final glance at the area around you and see no one in sight, so you jump into the car and take off.

——————

Jaehyun takes you to his small apartment.

You step into the living room as he locks the door behind him.

“Do you live here..by yourself?”

Jaehyun chuckles as he takes his coat off and throws it into the coat closet.

His muscles now showing clearly in his tight white shirt.

You gulp and look away quickly.

“Yes, I live here by myself, over 15 miles away from campus..why? Well, for starters, that restaurant we were at is my family’s restaurant. It’s left in my care, so I have to be closer to it than I am to school.” Jaehyun shrugs before continuing. “And no roommates because who wants to be so far away?”

You give a small smile and look at the tiny but cozy apartment. It was much different from your house where you had floors and rooms that were endless.

No wonder why Jaehyun is so humble and giving.

“Yeah, it’s not much, but it’s enough.”

He trots past you and to the kitchen. “Take a seat, I’ll get you a glass of water.”

Jaehyun washes his hands while you sit down onto the couch in his living room. He then sits down beside you and hands you a glass.

“Do you need anything? A jacket, a blanket, change of clothes?” Jaehyun stares at you through wide eyes.

You laugh and smile widely again. “You’re too kind, Jaehyun..but some sweats and a T would be amazing right now.”

Jaehyun immediately jumps up and heads to his room. A few minutes later he hands you Nike sweatpants and a plain white T. 

“The bathroom is on the right, feel free to change in there.”

You thank him profusely before heading to the bathroom.

You cringe when you see yourself. Your hair is messy, unkempt, your eyes are swollen like they were stung by bees, and your neck donned a love bite courtesy of Taeyong.

You washed your face and did your best to fix your hair before heading out.

Once beside Jaehyun, you take a deep breath and explain everything to him.

“Jaehyun...I don’t know what to do..I hope that you will not judge me.” 

Jaehyun shakes his head. “It is not my job to judge, y/n, go on.”

“There’s a man..I love him..well, I think I love him. He makes me feel...new, unexplainable things. He makes my heart weak… but Jaehyun, he is a bad man. He’s hurt my friend, and I-I dont think I can be with him anymore..” you start to cry again. “So I ran away.”

“Shhh..shhh don’t cry, you did the right thing. It hurts now, but I believe you will be happier now that you are away from him.” Jaehyun holds you close, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and looking into your eyes deeply.

Jaehyun was right, you were away from him and running was the right thing to do. But why did it feel wrong? Why do you feel guilty? Why did you feel like the one that betrayed him?

“Would you like to tell the cops about him?” Jaehyun rubs his hand along your arm. His touch is soothing, his broad chest makes him feel at home. You slowly start to lean into him more.

“No..no, I still love him. I can’t..plus he’s smart, he’ll get away with it, and take me again.”

But you want to be taken, don't you, little mouse?

You close your eyes tightly in an attempt to drown out his voice.

“That’s alright then, y/n. We don’t have to tell anyone.”

Jaehyun whispers.

Tell him what I did, tell him how good I made you feel just today. Your legs around me as I fucked you hard into that flimsy hospital mattress. Your essence dripping down your shaking thighs, the way you called my name...

You breathed slowly. Don’t think of him, don’t think of him.

“I’m so scared, Jaehyun, I don’t know what to do. What if he hurts someone else that I love?” You sob into his chest.

“Don’t be scared, y/n. I’m here now, he won’t find you in this little, dingy apartment, okay? And you can stay here as long as you’d like, don’t worry.”

You nod. “I-I don’t have my phone because that’s what he uses to track me. Jaehyun, he’s a dangerous man, you must not tell ANYONE that I am here.”

Jaehyun’s brows furrowed. What kind of man would track his lover? He didn’t like the sound of him, but he was happy to know that you were out of that crazy man’s grasp and with him now where you’d be safe.

“I understand, y/n. I won’t tell anyone, not even your parents.”

You smile and thank him once more.

“You can sleep on the bed, I’ll take the couch.” He says before standing up from beside you.

—————

[One Week Later] 

It’s been a few days since you ran away. You stayed inside Jaehyun’s apartment quietly, not even opening the window to look out at the sunshine and snow.

Jaehyun would visit you during the day whenever he had time. He just wanted to make sure you were safe.

But then he’d leave and head to work or school to prepare for exams.

You prepared for exams on an old laptop that he found at a thrift store for you. You would draft up emails to all of your professors, letting them know that you wouldn’t be able to attend class because you were mourning the death of your close friend, Mark.

Jaehyun would then send the emails once he was on campus so that if Taeyong and his men decided to hack into your account and search for you IP address, they would be met with the college IP address and not Jaehyun’s.

It was an elaborate, but tiring plan, but so far it seemed to work. 

Jaehyun also visited the post office to drop off a letter for your parents. You hoped it would get to them for it explained that you were alright and safe far away from the college. You stated that you needed to take some time away to grieve your loss and you hoped that they would try to be okay with that.

Knowing your parents, you knew they would have a fit at you running away and leaving your cell phone behind. But they had no choice but to accept it, for your safety and for theirs.

The news of Mark’s death hit everyone hard. You saw your college mates mourn and host a vigil on the news and cried once again. They said that the murderer snuck into the hospital in scrubs and a face mask, but all security footage for that day had mysteriously been “lost.” They had no face on camera, and no one to give a description of who the assailant might be...other than you, of course.

You could never forgive yourself for what you did to him. How could you have been so naive?

Now, Mark was dead and his family and friends were experiencing immense pain. 

You silently cried yourself to sleep that day, praying to God for forgiveness.

Taeyong, on the other hand, wasn’t begging for forgiveness. No, Mark’s murder was nothing to him. He was going to take you away from him, and that couldn’t happen, so he got rid of him just like any other enemy that threatened his peace and tranquillity. Instead, Taeyong went about  threatening anyone and everyone in an effort to find you.

Taeyong was furious when Taeil tracked your phone only to find it still at the hospital. You had vanished out of his sight for the first time since he met you, and that was unacceptable.

He slowly started to feel himself go psychotic. He couldn’t focus on other tasks, jobs were incomplete as everything came to a standstill because of his preoccupation with finding you.

“She’ll be back, she has to come back.” Taeyong paces about his office.

“Don’t you think you’ve taken this a little too far?” Johnny sits in the leather chair across from Taeyong’s desk and purses his lips.

“No..no I don’t think I’ve taken it too far, Johnny, but you know what I do think? I think you and the rest of these guys are fucking lazy! You’re supposed to be the best of the best and you can’t find a fucking college girl? How far could she have gotten, she doesn’t even have a car!”

Taeyong slams his hand onto the desk.

Johnny sighs. “We’re doing the best we can, we’re looking for the spoiled brat 24/7. There’s only so many places we can check, wherever she is, whatever hole she’s in..we’ll find it. But I must ask, what if she doesn’t want to be found, Taeyong? If she’s gone through this much trouble, are you sure she loves you?”

“Shut up!” Taeyong throws his sands of time stature to the ground, leaving sand and broken glass everywhere.

Johnny remains unfazed in his seat, for Taeyong did have these tantrums every now and then.

Taeyong walks over and stares at the broken pieces before bending down to pick one up.

“What about her piece of shit father?” He asks, still staring at the three-edged glass in his hand.

“He knows nothing… we traced all his emails and text messages, but nothing. It seems she’s run away from her parents too. Maybe she’s just tired of this privileged life.” Johnny shrugs.

“I don’t believe his lying ass, and you shouldn’t either. Has he agreed to meet with me yet?”

“He won’t meet with you, Taeyong, he's pissed enough to know that you’ve gotten to his daughter. He doesn’t even care that we’ve slowed down our deliveries.”

“Hmmm I guess I’ll have to get nasty with him..” Taeyong’s dark eyes widen as he smirks.

Johnny raises his arms. “Taeyong, when’s the last time you slept? You look like a raccoon. I’ll call over our favorite girl, you know the flexible one. God, I love when she takes us both, that college girl of yours could never do the things she does.”

Taeyong steps towards Johnny, still gazing at the glass with a wild expression.

“Get a good fuck and sleep well after, what do you say?” Johnny lifts the corner of his mouth into a smile.

Taeyong leans down and into Johnny’s face. Johnny's brows furrowed as he leans backward and away from him.

But Taeyong holds the back of his head with one hand and presses the edge of the glass into his neck with the other. 

Johnny groans as it just barely pierced his skin. “Taeyong, what the f-?”

“I don’t want anyone but that “spoiled brat,” and if I don’t get her, I’ll kill all of you myself. I’ll start with you first..so the next time you get a coffee or bagel from Gordo’s, let someone else taste it first..it’d be a shame for it to have just one extra...and deadly ingredient.” Taeyong presses the glass in harder as Johnny hisses.

His eyes widen, Taeyongs grip on the back of his head tightening, his nails digging into his scalp.

“I love her and she loves me..but you wouldn’t know anything about love, would you, Johnny? If you did, you’d know that lovers have to fight sometimes. Not everything is all roses and fucking flowers. She wants me to fight for her, and that’s what I intend on doing. So stop opening your mouth and get moving, I don’t want my dick sucked tonight.”

“You’ve lost your mind.” Johnny lets out once Taeyong releases him.

“And that’s the bad part, Johnny, I haven’t lost it yet. I’m just getting started.”

Johnny huffs and heads for the door.

“Oh, and Johnny boy, send Taeil in.”

—————

[One Day Later]

Your parents eat their dinner after a long day of work combined with worry for your safety. Your dad tried to keep your mother calm and collected, but she struggled to swallow each bite.

“I-I just don’t understand..” she puts her fork down and holds her head in her hands.

“She’s fine, honey. We should just trust her and continue the search. The church has done a wonderful job with helping us look for her. But thank God we received a letter.” Your father continues to chew.

“It’s not enough, how do we even know she wrote that? And that Taeyong guy, why does he keep asking to speak with you about her? What does he know?”

Your father slams his fork down and looks at your mother. He takes her hand and places it onto the table while looking sternly into her eyes.

“Don’t..you ever call that name in this house. He’s a fool and he will never get close to our family.”

“He already has! Him and his men have stalked me for days! I don’t know what they plan to do to us, I’m scared.”

“Don’t worry about them, they’d be foolish to lay a hand on you.” Your father looks into your mother's eyes deeply.

“What have you done? Why are they after us?”

“I haven’t done anything except serve the good Lord.”

He looks onto the table.

She pulls her hand away. “Do you think I was born yesterday? I know all about your dealings with him..” she looks up at the gold walls and fancy paintings around the dining area.

“Do you think I believe all this came from the church? You must think I’m those idiots that you preach to, believing nonsense.” She scoffs.

Your father gasps. “How could you say that? The church..our religion, it isn’t nonsense! I thought you changed from that sinful girl I met so long ago, I thought you were better than this..”

“And I thought you were better than to get involved with a gang leader! But look at you! Desperate for more than we NEED! How is this a Christian life? Look at the example we set for our child, we’ve taught her this lavish lifestyle that we can’t even say we’ve earned honestly like good people, where is our humility?!”

“We’ve set an amazing example! Do you remember where you were before you met me, on the streets scouring for your next fix! Imagine raising your child while in that state, without me!”

She sits and gives him a harsh look before opening her mouth to respond. “You’re full of sh-“

But a loud, compilation of multiple sounds fills the house. Your parents cover their ears.

“What the hell is that?!” Your mom jumps up and looks around. It seems all of the televisions in the mansion have turned themselves on.

“What in God’s name?” As your father listens closely, he recognizes something from audio of whatever is being played on one of the televisions.

I want us to cum..together. I want you to get so full of my cum..Do you want me to fill you up?

He hears the man say.. then a high pitched moan follows.

Yes..sir.

No. This can’t be happening. It couldn’t be your sweet voice.

Your father jumps up and runs to the closest television screen, the one in the living room.

Your mother follows behind. “What is going on? Was there a power surge or something? Why are they all-“

She stops talking as she is stunned by what is being played on the screen at full volume. The noise is almost unbearable.

The video of you being taken from the back by Taeyong plays on the large screen. Your hair messy, mouth open as mewls and moans spew out, your naked body being pummeled into by the demon as he grips your waist and pulls you onto him. You look into the camera and at yourself before letting out a loud whimper.

Yes...sir, oh God, Taeyong..please I’m gonna..

Your father turns away and stares at the floor intently, trying to drown out your cries and the sounds of skin slapping on skin in the video.

“Oh God! Turn it off!!” Your mother yells.

Your father then looks around the room for the TV remote, finally finding it on the couch.

He firmly presses the power button, but nothing happens. He runs up to the TV and presses the power button on its base, but still nothing happens.

“No..this can’t be happening.” He mutters, his eyes widen.

A new video then starts to play, displaying you naked and kneeling on the ground below Taeyong. Your father recognizes his tattoos as he rubs his thumb along your round lips.

Stick your tongue out, little mouse.

Ah yes..just like that..

Taeyong groans as you lick his tip leaking with precum.

“Unplug the damn thing!”

Your mother yells again as she turns away and covers her ears.

Your father finally reaches behind the TV and tears the cord out of the socket.

Your parents breathe a sigh of relief as the video stops playing.

However, they would now have to unplug each and every TV in the house that blasted a sexual video of you.

“What is this? Is he doing this to blackmail us?” Your mother starts crying.

“I’m going to kill that bastard…”

“He’s ruined our daughter! Oh, God..how could we not see the signs?” She runs off to her bedroom with her ears still covered. The house is filled with the music of your moans and Taeyongs grunts. All the videos of you and him that he had taken played throughout.

Your father’s face is haunting, he looks dark, strange, his eyes shaking as he thinks of what to do next.

————

[Two Days Later]

Your mother enters the hair salon as she usually does on a Tuesday afternoon.

She greets the stylists and goes to the back room where her hair is to be washed before the cut.

After waiting for about 10 minutes, a stylist enters the room and places a black robe around her, tying it in the back.

“How are you today?” The male voice says smoothly.

“I’m alright.” Her eyes are still a bit red from crying, she was really worried for you, especially after seeing the videos that Taeyong had taken. She’s too preoccupied with her thoughts to look up at the man.

“Lean back for me. Close your eyes, just relax.”

The man takes her head and leans it against the wash bin as she moves to get comfortable.

“I can tell you’re going through a lot right now.”

“Yes...I am.” She nods slightly and closes her eyes.

The man hums then places a small amount of shampoo onto her hair before wetting it with the hose.

He massages her scalp with slow and tenuous movements, pressing his tips into her scalp while making circular motions.

His thumbs place pressure onto the back of her neck, carefully kneading into it and loosening a knot.

“That feels good...I don’t think I’ve had you before..” your mother lets out, she’s holding back an embarrassing moan, for his fingers just feel so incredibly good.

Her mouth falls open.

“Of course you’ve had me before..”

“I would definitely remember these hands.”

The man chuckles. “Oh? I hope your daughter remembers them.”

Her eyes open quickly. “What did you say?”

She tries to sit up in the chair, but the man grabs her by the hair and forces her back down.

“Relax, mom..it’s just me, Taeyong...I’m not gonna hurt you if you do what I ask.”

He continues to massage her scalp and hums a low tune. Your mother's eyes grow, she looks above her and sees the red haired man with crazy eyes. She reaches back to grab at his arms, scratching his skin as she squirms in her chair.

“Let me go! Let me go! Help! Someone help me!”

She yells for help, but the terrified stylists in the salon's main lobby sit in silence. Johnny has already locked the doors to the salon and holds two pistols in his hands, ready to aim at anyone that makes the slightest move.

“No one can help you, my love, only you can help yourself.” Taeyong smiles then grabs her arms and places them across her chest.

“I’m gonna ask you once..” he walks around the chair and bends down over her, gazing into her teary eyes.

“Where is she?”

“I could ask you the same question! What have you done to her?”

“Everything I did to her you’ve already seen on your TV. I know you’re hiding her from me. Where. Is. She?”

“Fuck you! You’ll never see her again! Even if I did know where she is, you’d have to walk over my dead body to get to her!” She spits out but Taeyong only laughs. He looked crazy, his red hair disheveled and eyes dark, his skin was extremely pale like he hadn’t gone outside for a while.

“Sweetheart, that’s no problem for me, but I’d rather not have to watch her mourn your death.”

Taeyong walks behind her and turns the hose on again, but this time he grabs a towel from the counter behind him.

He forces your mother’s head back, nearly breaking her neck in the process. She grunts and breathes through gritted teeth before grabbing at his arms again.

He throws the towel over her face and pours water onto it. Your mother starts to choke, she can’t breathe as water soaks through the towel, flooding her mouth and drowning her slowly. Her nostrils flare as they attempt to take in oxygen, but only take in water as well.

She flails about in the chair, her legs stomping and her nails leaving deep scratch marks into Taeyongs skin.

Taeyong hisses but laughs as she struggles to breathe.

“You’re a tough one. But all you have to do is tell me where she is..”

A muffled scream escapes.

“What was that?” He turns the hose off and lifts up the part of the towel covering her mouth.

She takes in a deep breath and coughs up water.

“Please! Please stop! I don’t know where she is!”

Taeyong replaces the towel and begins to waterboard her again.

“Hmmmm do you expect me to believe that?” Taeyong growls out. He’s growing impatient.

Another muffled sound escaped her after a few seconds.

Taeyong lifts the towel. “Ready to talk now?”

“Yes! Yes..” she chokes.

“I think her father knows..where she is, he told me that a member of the church saw her..please you can’t hurt her! She’s not a piece of shit like my husband is. She’s kind and a good person, please I beg you to not take out your frustrations on her.” She sobs.

Taeyong lifts the towel off completely.

“I won’t hurt her..I love her. I’m just a little..upset is all.” Taeyong speaks softly. 

“And your husband..well he’s been ignoring me..that doesn’t make me happy..”

She stares and shakes like a cold, wet dog.

“Call your husband..” he hands her phone back to her.

She hesitantly dials him up. Her mind is filled with regrets for giving in, how could she put your life at risk? How could she tell the truth about your father getting info from a man that saw you in the city on the east side? The man said he had seen you come off of the bus and offered you a coat, but you quickly refused and walked away. That’s when he saw you meet up with a guy at a restaurant not too far away.

Your father had already figured out who you were with after he visited the area himself. He’d seen Jaehyun close the restaurant, he followed him home and the next day he followed him to the library on campus.

He had an insider watch closely over Jaehyun’s shoulder as he signed into your email account.

The truth was known to him, but he wouldn’t tell anyone or seek you out himself. He thought it’d be best if it remained a mystery. Even to his own wife.

“Hello?” Her husband answers.

She sniffles. “He’s here...you have to tell him where she is..or he’ll kill me!”

“No, oh God, no...where are you?!” He asks but before she can respond, Taeyong grabs the phone away from her and presses the ‘FaceTime’ button.

Once he answers, Taeyong smiles widely and places the phone in front of your mother. He rests his chin on her shoulder as she cries.

“Hey there, pastor, long time no see.”

“Taeyong..you maniacal asshole, leave my wife out of this!”

“But why? You’ve been ignoring me so I decided to spend some time with her. I must say she’s a lot nicer than you. She reminds me of your daughter too..”

He looks at the side of her face before kissing her cheek softly. “I miss her so much.”

“She told me that a little birdy told you where y/n is..let’s not waste anymore time. Tell me now!”

“I can’t do that, I can’t put her at risk!”

“Are you sure you want to keep saying no to me?” Taeyong grabs a pair of trimming scissors behind him and holds it to her neck, pressing the tip in to show obvious indentation.

Your mother cries out loudly. “Just do it!”

He shakes his head and bites his lip. “I’m sorry, honey, but I can’t give our daughter to him.”

His wife’s eyes widened. “You-you can’t be serious..you’re gonna let him kill me?”

He starts to tear up. “To protect our daughter...I have to.”

Taeyong chuckles. “Well, would you look at that..the crazy bastard doesn’t care about you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” The pastor shakes his head as it lowers.

“But I know what he does care about..money..”

Taeyong lifts the scissors out of your mother’s neck and places it onto the counter.

“See..I knew he wouldn’t care if I threatened your life, mom..I knew he wouldn’t care if I posted those videos of me fucking his daughter all over that grand house of his..but I do know he’d care if he loses his church..”

Taeyong takes his chin in his hand.

“What would happen if during one of your wonderful sermons..I put those videos of me and your daughter on the big screens.. Ah yes that online streaming service you have that reaches millions..oh, how disastrous would that be? All those families tuning in to porn unknowingly..you’d be ruined, wouldn’t you pastor?”

“How could your daughter be with me, a gang leader?”

Your father looks back at the screen furrowing his eyebrows and tilting his head. “These threats won’t work, you wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, but let’s not stop there, pastor. Imagine what chaos would ensue if those emails between us just so happened to leak...a pastor..conducting the drug business in his own town?”

“Taeyong..”

“Just tell him where she is, God damn it! He’ll ruin us!” Your mother yells.

“Everything would be stripped away from you..it starts with the church, then harassment from the media as they call you a hypocrite…I’ve wanted to let the people know who you truly are for the longest time..I’ve spared you, but now, I have nothing to lose. I’ll fuck up your life, pastor.”

Taeyong grins an evil smile that the pastor just wants to smack from his face.

The pastor closes his eyes and sighs. He just couldn’t let the world know the true criminal he was and furthermore, he knew Taeyong would eventually catch up to you. What was the point of holding back?

Then, he thought of a plan, something that would catch Taeyong off guard. Taeyong’s weakness was that he believed he always had the upper hand in every situation, he’d never suspect what the pastor was about to do to him.

“Fine..but I won’t tell you where she is, I’ll bring her to you..tomorrow, meet me at the corner of 5th and Herst, in the alleyway. I’ll have her there for you.”

Taeyong smiles. “Perfect. Until then, your wife and I will keep each other company, maybe we’ll watch some movies and enjoy popcorn or something.”

“Taeyong, no, I need her.”

Taeyong chuckles. “Are you sure about that? Just a few minutes ago you didn’t care that I had a pair of scissors in her neck..”

“Yes but..”

“End of discussion,father, I’ll see you at 9 tomorrow night. And don’t even think about bailing on me, because for each minute you’re late, I’ll remove a finger or toe from your beautiful wife.” Taeyong ends the FaceTime call.

————

[The Next Day 9:30 PM]

Somehow, you were able to burn the onions.

You turned away for just a split second, then turned back to see your once white onions become black.

“Damn it.”

That’s when you hear the door open. You were cooking dinner for you and Jaehyun. It was a late dinner, yes, but Jaehyun had to close the restaurant. 

“What’s this?”

Jaehyun laughed as he entered the kitchen and saw you tossing black onions into the sink.

“Uhhh..I’m cooking..well trying to cook spaghetti and meatballs..it’s not as easy as Gordon Ramsey makes it seem.”

You pout.

“Oh, you didn’t have to..” Jaehyun places his bag down and steps beside you in the kitchen.

“I know..but it’s the least I can do, you've welcomed me into your place and kept me safe, and for that, I’m forever thankful.”

“It’s nothing, really, I’m just helping you get away from what sounds like a crazy man.”

Jaehyun places his hand on top of yours.

You turn and look up into his gorgeous brown eyes.

He steps closer, his steamy breath tingling your forehead. You look at his lips and lick your own, you always had a small crush on him and now he was right in front of you, making your heart shiver and your mind cloudy.

He leans forward while still looking into your eyes 

“The pasta is sticking to the bottom of the pan.” He whispers, almost seductively.

Your eyes widen as you step back and turn to the pot with the pasta.

“Oh! You’re right, oh no!”

Jaehyun laughs out.

“Hey!” You smile, feeling your face become hot from embarrassment.

“You’re cute.” Jaehyun takes his bag out of the kitchen and goes to his room.

“Thanks but I just wish I could cook!” You yell out to him.

He changes into a white t-shirt and pajama pants and walks back into the kitchen after a few minutes.

He watches from the entry way as you pour olive oil,  a bit too much olive oil, onto the pasta. He smiles to himself.

“Being cute is enough, I like having you here.”

“Really?” You raise your eyebrows, then look back at him with an innocent expression.

“Yeah..” he nods and steps close to you once again.

“I-Jaehyun..I’ve always..” your words stumble out of your mouth as his close proximity makes you hot again.

He towers over you, licking his lips and crossing his arms. “Always what?”

You shake your head. You thought of Taeyong and how a part of you still loved him. Jaehyun was nice to you, you couldn’t ruin the friendship you had.

“N-Never mind.” You look away.

Jaehyun tilts your head back to his while holding your chin.

“Say it...please.”

You search his eyes, you’re enamored by him, completely taken aback by his touch and warmth.

You begged for God to forgive you for having sinful thoughts when you looked at him, you wanted to lay kisses onto his collarbones and run your fingers through his hair. You wanted him to kiss your lips for a long time as he wraps your legs around his waist and touches you..everywhere.

He leaned down, watching your lips part.

You were so close..but then..his phone rang.

He closed his eyes and sighed before stepping back. “I’m sorry, I’ll be right back, I think it’s my lab partner.”

You nod then turn back to your bubbling spaghetti sauce.

“I don't know what you’re talking about, I don’t know where she is!” You hear Jaehyun’s voice raise from his bedroom.

Your brows furrow. Who found his phone number? Who found him and possible found you? You hadn’t left his apartment since getting there.

You walk over to him and stand in the doorway, watching as Jaehyun angrily addresses the person on the phone.

“You’ve got the wrong number!” He hangs up and turns to you.

“Who was that?” You ask quietly, as if the person on the phone can still hear you.

“Someone that claims to be your father..”

His phone rang again. 

Your eyes widened as you stared at his phone screen. “Ask him..what time was I born.”

If it’s him, you needed to talk to him, you needed to tell him that you’re okay.

Only you, your father and your mother knew the time you were born.

3:33 A.M

Your father always praised it as a holy time. “You’re an angel” he’d always say.

Jaehyun answered the stranger and asked the questions like you asked him to. “If you’re her father, what time was she born?”

He put the phone on mute then turned to you.

“he said 3:33 AM..”

Your eyes grew as you reached for his phone. “It’s him!”

You unmute it. “Dad?”

“Yes, dear, oh my God, thank God you're okay.” You can hear him start to sob.

“Dad, it’s okay, I’m okay.” 

“I knew my prayers would not be in vain..” he cries.

“I need you to come back, sweetheart. We’ve got him, and we are gonna put him away for good, but we need your help.”

“Dad..what are you talking about?”

You look up at Jaehyun, his arms crossed and his brows knitted.

“That crazy man! He’s been after you since you ran away, but I got him! I tricked him into meeting up with me. He thought I would turn you in to him, but instead I had the cops ambush him. They arrested him, he’s being brought to the station right now, thank God.”

Your head begins to spin, your eyes start to blur as water fills them. “W-what do you mean ‘they arrested him?’”

How did they find out that Taeyong was the one to kill Mark? And why did you feel a sudden sense of despair now that he was arrested? He deserved it, right?

“Taeyong kidnapped and assaulted you, that’s what I told the cops, y/n. I told them that you ran away to get away from him. You have to come in as soon as possible to give a statement.”

“No..n-no, dad I can't do that..it isn’t true”

Silence falls over the phone. “What do you mean?”

You start to sob as you thought of Taeyong and all of your moments with him.

“I-I love him. I can’t deny it, my heart hurts just knowing he might be put away.”

Even after all he did, you still felt something for him.

“Are you stupid? This man is a monster! I saw the things he did to you in those videos!” Your father spits out into the phone.

“Yes! And I let him do those things, I enjoyed it! I can't lie to you or to the police!”

“You leave me no choice! If you don’t come back, I’ll come and get you myself! And I’ll have Jaehyun arrested for kidnapping too!”

You gasp. “Dad..you can’t do that..” sniffling, you look up at Jaehyun.

“He has nothing to do with this.”

“Then come home and make a statement! This is the only way out..for BOTH of us, we have to take him down!” Your father yells over the phone loud enough for Jaehyun to hear.

You hang up the phone and hand it back to Jaehyun.

He shakes his head slowly as he takes it. “Y/n...you don’t have to go back.”

You wipe your eyes. “I’m sorry, Jaehyun, I’m so sorry for all of this. I have to go back and make things right or...you’ll end up like….” Mark. You didn’t finish your sentence because Jaehyun still didn’t know that you knew who killed Mark.

“End up like who? You know what, it doesn’t matter.. Y/n, just stay with me, you’ll be okay..” the sorrowful look in his eyes eats away at your heart.

He reaches out for your hand, but you pull it away.

“Jaehyun.. I’ll be okay, I’ll see you on campus.”

Jaehyun sighs and looks away.

“I’ll need a hoodie.” 

You grabbed one of Jaehyun’s hoodies and headed out of his apartment and to the closest bus station. Jaehyun walked you to it, and even waited for the next bus to arrive before he left.

As it approached, he felt his heart beat heavily in his chest. He was worried for you, but donned a small smile when you turned back to him to say bye.

You took his face in your hands and placed a light kiss on his cheek. He frowned as you pulled back and looked into his eyes.

“Goodnight, Jaehyun..I’ll see you soon.”

While on the bus, you thought of everything that happened. How worried and upset Taeyong must be about you running away. But he killed Mark, he killed an innocent person and your heart aches for your loss.

So why did you worry about Taeyong’s current state in jail?

Once at the bus stop, your mother gave you a big hug and held your face in her hands. “I’m so sorry to make you do this, honey, but I’m so happy you’re back home.”

You smiled softly, attempting to hide your worry as you looked into your mother’s drained face. She looked like she hadn’t rested or eaten well.

“I’m happy I’m home too.” 

Your father nodded and hugged you too, but didn’t say anything, even during your ride to the police station.

When you entered the station, an officer took you into a room where they would ask you important questions.

“Please let me go in with her, she’s probably traumatized!” Your father begged as they took you away.

“Sir..we can’t let anyone else in, she isn’t a minor, so there’s no reason for her to be accompanied by a parent. We will provide her with whatever she asks for and give her as much time as she needs to tell us what happened.” The detective spoke to your parents as they waited in the lobby.

Your heart ran wild, your hands shook and grew sweaty as you stood only in what seemed to be a slowly collapsing box. You felt like you couldn’t breathe as the clicking sound of the door shutting behind you echoed in the room.

It was just you and the detective now.

“I’m going to turn on the light in the other room beside us..Once it is on, you will be able to see the room through this one-way mirror. I need you to identify the man in front of us..but do not worry, we can see him, but he can’t see or hear us. I ask that you answer honestly, but do take your time. We need as much info as possible. Understood?”

You nodded and swallowed hard. “Y-yes.”

She flicks the light switch and your heart drops almost immediately.

Taeyong sits in the center of the room, his wrists bound together with handcuffs. He looks tired, pale, like he hadn’t slept since you left.

The bags under his eyes donned a dark, almost black shade, and made him look even more dangerous than he did before.

Your mouth fell open. He looked like a sad puppy for the first time, he didn’t look like someone that could possibly kill an innocent person. He didn’t look like a gang leader at all, no, he looked like an innocent boy.

You wanted to run to him, hug him and apologize for leaving him. You wanted to see him happy again.

You start to twiddle your thumbs. “I-I can’t do this.”

You turn to the detective, but she places her hand on top of yours and nods slowly. “Yes..you can. Don’t worry, survivors like you often have this exact moment of uncertainty. But it is important that you take your time. Let’s start with a basic question. Do you recognize this man?”

“Y-yes.”

“What is his name?”

“Taeyong..his name is Taeyong.” You slowly start to speak more.

“How long have you known the suspect?”

“Suspect..” you whisper. “I’ve known him since July of this year..but…”

“What is it?” She turns to you, still holding the voice recording device in her hand.

“Why..why is he a suspect? What did he do?” You sounded ridiculous to the woman, but she didn’t notice that your eyes had not moved from watching Taeyong. You were falling for him over and over again silently. If it weren’t for the glass in between the two of you, you would’ve taken him into your arms and kissed him like there was no tomorrow, for you had missed him as well.

Taeyong could sense your presence even though he couldn’t see you. He was pissed that he had been set up by your father, a part of him knew that his guys could get him out in time, but he still hated the fact that he was made to look like a fool.

He knew he would kill your father as soon as he could instruct an assassin to do so, but that still wouldn’t solve his ache for you. He was overjoyed when your father finally agreed to bring you to him, he even made reservations at the finest restaurant in town to celebrate your reunion. He would kiss your lips all night long and lay beside you until the sun came out. He would never let you out of his sight again. But sadly, tonight nothing went as planned.

And to hear his father accuse him of engaging in non consensual activities made him furious.

“Dear...you’re the one that claims he assaulted you..is this not correct?”

So he wasn’t being arrested and charged with Mark’s murder, they had nothing on him for that. He was being falsely accused of a crime against you.

Taeyong stands up and walks over to the mirror. His hands still in his cuffs as he places them flat against the mirror. He searches for your face, knowing he won’t be able to see it even if he tries harder, but hoping that you’ll see his face filled with regret and pain.

“Y/n…” he calls out to you softly.

You can’t hear him, but you can see your name fall from his sweet lips.

You place your hands onto the glass to match his, tears falling from your eyes.

How can you accuse your love of a false crime? Especially when he looked so weakened, so low and desperate?

“No..no he didn’t kidnap or rape me, it was all consensual…” you state firmly, your eyes still locked with Taeyongs.

“Are you saying that this man, Taeyong, has never touched you without your consent? It’s okay you can be honest with me, he can’t see you.”

You shake your head. “I allowed him to love me..each and every time...because I love him..we love each other.”

“Ma’am, do you wish to press charges against Taeyong?”

“No, no I don’t, I want to be with him.”

The detective sighs and clicks the stop button on her recorder.

“Okay, if that’s the case, then we will have to set him free.”

You step out into the lobby as your parents stand up to greet you. You wipe tears away. “I couldn’t do it..I couldn’t lie.”

Your father’s face falls. “W-what are you saying?”

“She has decided to not press charges, you guys are all set to leave, the suspect is a free man, so I’d suggest leaving before he does.”

“You can’t be serious! She’s being manipulated by him! That’s emotional abuse!” Your father yells.

“Sir..”

“Please, you have to understand, our daughter is not like this. He’s turned her into someone else..he’s violently seducing her.” Your mother begs.

“I understand, but there is nothing we can do. If she says she does not want to press charges, then we are only wasting our time here. Our station could be in deep trouble if we keep the suspect any longer just for your daughter to change her mind.”

Your mother looks away.

“Pastor..” the detective turns to your father, “please, come with me.”

You and your mother step aside while the two talk. 

“You of all people know how powerful Taeyong is..how could you get us into this mess?! He has information on all of us and we arrested him before he could use it against us, but now he’s free and aware of our plan! You were supposed to have her plead a case so strong, it would put him away for life! Do you know how much danger you’ve put me and the other sergeants in? This business that he runs affects ALL of us.”

The detective speaks angrily to your father.

The police were just as involved in Taeyongs drug movements as he was. They’d take a profit from the business made in the city, they were the ones that planted it on criminals that needed to be put away.. they also provided it to CEOs and big white collar men so that they wouldn’t be arrested for possession.

But the police had been upset for quite some time at how Taeyong controlled everything, they thought it should be one of their own, not some street kid that had killers everywhere, ready to strike.

“There’s no telling what he’ll do now.” The detective cursed.

“We still have the videos..” your father looked to the floor.

“Videos? What videos? The ones of them having sex like normal adults? Yeah, those are gone anyway, you know that hacker of his works fast.” The detective rolls her eyes.

“I’m sorry..but don’t worry, we still have another chance..”

The pastor had devised a backup plan in case this one fell through. He’d send you out of the country to another school and under a different identity. Then he’d tell everyone that you had been murdered by Taeyong, and would conjure up evidence against him.

You were in the car, heading back home when your parents started to argue.

“This is ridiculous!” Your dad yelled.

“Don’t blame this on her! You’re the one that got involved with this guy!”

“She has the power to end all of this!”

He retorted.

You sat in the backseat and looked out the window, thinking of Taeyong and whether or not you should’ve lied.

“But that’s alright, we’ll send her away to that one catholic school in Italy! She’ll be able to repent and beg for God’s forgiveness!”

Your father let out.

“What?”

You turned to him.

“You heard me..you’re going away, you’ll be finishing your studies elsewhere so you can be away from this monster and return back to Christianity. Don’t think you’re off the hook after what we saw in those videos. The sins you committed..I can only pray for mercy.”

“No! You can’t do that!” Your voice rose.

Your mother turned to you. “Your father is being a bit dramatic right now, but it’s true. It’s for your own safety.”

“Mom..don’t send me away..” you panted.

She reached out and laid her hand on your thighs. “Sweetheart, it will be okay, we will visit you whenever we can, and you’ll get to travel! It will be so exciting to leave this town behind.” She gave a small smile before turning back around. 

Your father calms down slowly. “Y/n..” he takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to be so harsh on you, but..”

“What..who is that?” Your mother squints and looks out onto the front yard of your house. 

Multiple men stand along the front of your house, dressed in black and those same glowing masks that you could never forget. They were haunting enough, but as they stood still with large weapons and motorcycles beside them, you felt a chill run down your spine.

“No…” your father says with wide eyes.

“It’s him.”

The car slowly comes to hault.

Your dad locks the doors. 

“Stay inside.”

“What are we gonna do now? The cops aren’t gonna come, are they?” Your mother rubs her temple.

When you look through the front glass you see him at the center, leaning onto his motorcycle.

“How the hell did they get through the front gate?”

“Don’t be an idiot, you know they have their ways.” Your mother turns to him.

But all you can do is watch Taeyong. The way he sits coolly on the bike, leaning his head back as he runs his fingers through his crimson hair.

He removes his mask and places it beside him on the seat.

He’s alluring, beautiful. The night sky only adds to his sexy and mysterious aura. 

“I want to go to him.” You whisper. “He’s here for me.”

“Are you insane?” Your dad turns to you.

“No, but you’ll send me off to another country whether or not I want to..I can’t do that.”

“Y/n..sweetie,no..” your mother starts but you quickly unlock the door and jump out of the car, running out of it and to Taeyong without care or worry.

You have no thoughts, just desire. You want to be beside him, you want to feel him again.

You hug him tightly.

“Little mouse..” he whispers into your ear while looking over your shoulder and onto the dumbstruck face of your father in the driver's seat.

He hugs you tightly and rubs your back. 

“Taeyong..I’m sorry, I was scared.”

“I know..but I’ll never hurt you, you know that.” He leans back and grips your throat while looking into your eyes. He gives you a wicked smile as he rubs his thumb along your bottom lip.

He then leans down and kisses you hard, forcing his tongue into your mouth.

Your teeth clink against each other as your heads turn.

You pull yourself closer to him, not caring about your parents or anyone else watching the two of you. You feel amazing, your craving is finally satisfied as his tongue licks your lips.

He pulls away and looks into your eyes. “We have a lot to talk about don’t we..”

Your father jumps out of the car and walks up to the two of you.

“This is enough! Stop terrorizing us! Give us our little girl!” He cries out.

Taeyong’s eyes flicker up to him as every one of his guys points their gun at your father in unison, stopping him in his tracks.

“You’ve got some nerve, pastor…” his mouth lifts into a smile.

“But I’ll make a deal with you.. I won’t tell anyone or the media about tonight or your involvement in drug crimes..”

Your mouth falls open, what did Taeyong mean?

“Just as long as you leave us alone AND pay all of us double the amount for each delivery.”

Your father stumbles over his words, his eyes racing from the men that point guns at him then to your face.

“Please..anyone, anyone but her.” He begs.

Taeyong chuckles. “No..no, I want her. She’s not just “anyone.”

He looks down into your eyes.

Your father sighs and accepts defeat, as he sees how enchanted you are by him. There is no going back, you've been completely corrupted by him.

“Fine. But please don’t hurt her.” He steps back.

“Goodnight, pastor..” Taeyong waves and smiles wickedly.

You jump onto Taeyong’s bike and head off to his apartment.

————

Once in his place, Taeyong takes you to his living room.

He instructs you to stand in the center while he takes his leather jacket off and plops down onto the couch.

“Taeyong..I’m sorry.”

You play with your fingers behind your back and bite your lips. He looked amazing in his black button up and black jeans. Three buttons were open to reveal his toned chest.

“I know you are...but that’s not enough..where were you?” He tilts his head and spreads his arms out along the top of the couch.

“I..I was with a family member on the east side. Please Taeyong, I was scared I didn’t know what to do! Please forgive me.”

“What do you do in church when you beg for forgiveness, little mouse?”

“I...pray, I get on my knees and pray.” You nod.

“Then what should you be doing right now?”

You instantly fell to your knees on the hard, cold floor. You whimper at the harsh pain you felt. 

You put your hands together. “Please..please don’t hurt anymore people.”

Taeyong’s cat eyes lock with yours as your heart races. “Little mouse...I was in so much pain when you left me. I’m upset so I need you to answer me honestly, where. were. You?”

You begin to tremble. “Taeyong, I’m here now, isn’t that enough? My aunt decided to help me deal with the loss of M-“

Taeyong’s eyes widened. “Mark? I got rid of him for you! For us! What is there to mourn?”

“Taeyong, he was my friend, nothing more, I need you to trust me if we are going to make this work.”

You licked your lips as you spoke through furrowed brows.

“I trust you..do you trust me to protect us? To protect what we have?” Taeyong leans forward.

You nod quickly. “Yes.”

He stares into your eyes for a moment then leans back into the chair. “Prove it, crawl to me.”

Your mouth opens to protest but the glint of danger in Taeyong’s eyes stops you. You just need to do what he says in order to get what you want. The aching in between your legs had no plan to go away until you were satisfied by him.

You crawled over slowly then kneeled once you got to his bent legs.

You sat up straight, the heels of your foot under your bum, and looked up at him through your lashes.

He was so handsome, you wanted to climb up onto his lap and make love to him.

He waved a finger. “Take your sweatshirt off..”

Taeyong had noticed that you wore a men’s hoodie, and he wasn’t too happy about it, but he ignored his suspicions.

“Who does this belong to?” He took it from you as you lifted it over your head, your breasts falling victim to the crisp air in the apartment.

“It’s my..cousin’s!” You answered quickly.

Taeyong threw it to the side and looked back at you. “I hate when you lie to me, sweetheart.”

“I’m not lying! I promise!”

Taeyong keeps eye contact with you as he reaches into his waistband and pulls out his gun.

He takes the safety off and places it right in front of you.

You shy away from the intimidating weapon and whimper.

“Taeyong!”

“If you’re telling the truth, lick it like it’s me, little mouse.”

You’re hesitant but raise your head back up. You stick your tongue out to lick the underside of the gun first, your eyes brimming with tears.

“Don’t cry, love, I won’t hurt you..even though I could pull this trigger right now and end it all..” 

Taeyong watches your eyes widen.

“I could end the pain that I’ve experienced because you threw me away.”

You shake your head. “I didn’t throw you away, I love you!”

“Keep going..don't stop until I tell you to, or I’ll be even more upset. What did you say we needed to make this work? Hmmm trust..that was the word. So trust me..”

Taeyong sighed

You continue to lick it, the cold metal leaving a bitter taste on your tongue.

“Use those pretty lips.” Taeyong feels himself harden in his pants as he watches you below him blow the gun like it’s him.

You flatten your tongue along the round tip of the barrel then sink down onto it completely. Your cheeks hollowing as you imagine that it is Taeyong’s tempting member in your mouth.

“Fuck..you’re beautiful..” Taeyong pushes the gun in and out of your mouth, watching as your spit coats the metal.

Your eyes are locked with his as he begins to palm himself through his jeans. He pushes the gun in deeper and faster  to hit the back of your throat. You gag as tears run down your cheeks.

He can’t take it anymore. He removes the gun from your mouth and places it down onto the couch behind him.

He quickly zips his pants down, allowing his cock to spring free. You lick your lips and replace the gun with his cock, enjoying the salty taste of his precum and moaning onto him. You move your head up and down rapidly, using your tongue and the plush inside of your hollowing cheeks to bring him to the edge. He groans and throws his head back.

He holds the back of your head and bucks his hips into you. You gag, his rough movements making your throat feel raw. Your jaw becomes locked. But he goes even faster then holds you down against him as he cums in your mouth. The feeling of him finally using you to orgasm is beyond satisfactory. Your underwear is soaked.

Taeyong pants and leans back into the couch. “Tuck it back in for me, little mouse.”

Taeyong flinches at the feeling of your cold, soft fingers on his limp cock.

You zip his pants up and wait for more instructions.

Through low eyes he motions for you to go to him. You stand up straight and wipe your mouth and cheeks.

“Take off your pants, sweetheart.”

You immediately draw your pants and underwear down in one quick sweep, your heart beats fast. You want to feel him so badly.

Taeyong bites his lips while looking into your completely naked body. “You’re gorgeous and you’re all mine..”

He holds your waist and brings you down onto his lap.

“Do you want to ride me like a good girl?” Taeyong’s husky voice enters your ear, his fingers dip in between your thighs, tapping against your dripping folds.

You hiss and breathe heavily.

“Yes..” 

“Yes, what?” Taeyong holds your neck and looks into your eyes.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl..” he pats his thigh.

You give a puzzled expression. “I-“

“It’s easy, just move like you did on the stool..” Taeyong smirks.

“Okay.” You nod and place your hands on his shoulders.

He grips your waist again and presses you firmly onto his thigh, pushing your body forward and backward while looking into your eyes.

You let out a whimper as the rough fabric presses onto your flower.

Your soaking heat coats his jeans. You move faster and faster. Taeyong watches your face twist as you experience a strange mix of pain and pleasure.

He presses his tongue flat against your nipple. You grip his shoulder harder and moan out his name.

He circles his tongue around the swollen bud then pulls away.

“How do you feel, little mouse?” He flexes his thigh under your open legs, making you yelp and fall forward at the unexpected friction against your aching pussy.

“It feels..so good, sir.” You struggle to get out, your hips rocking back and forth. You find that one spot that makes you weak and continue to ride against it. Your clit feels incredibly stimulated by the rough material. You feel raw, but sexy under Taeyong’s gaze.

“Sir..I’m going to..” you gasp.

Taeyong licks the other nipple while his hand massages your breast, pumping it while pressing his fingertips into the soft skin.

Your body shakes onto him, you throw your head back and moan loudly as you come undone on his thigh.

The combination of his swift tongue on your nipple and his clenching thighs on you sent you overboard. You saw stars.

Taeyong smirked then grabbed your ass to force you to keep moving on his thighs. You trembled and cried out as overstimulation set in.

“I’ve missed you, little mouse, I’ve missed the way you taste.” He whispers against your chest then lifts you up and places you onto the couch beside him.

You’re on your back still recovering from your orgasm when he crawls over you slowly. He holds your ankles kissing along your right leg as he slowly places it over the couch. He then lays down and faces your leaking and exposed pussy.

“Mmm so pretty.” His warm breath makes you flinch.

He picks up his gun and teases your entrance with it, sliding the metal in between your folds as you cry out.

“Taeyong!”

You try to pull yourself up on the couch, but he pulls you down by the waist. Your knees clink together.

He presses the gun into you harder, rubbing it up and down, just barely touching your clit. He spreads your legs open again, his fingers digging into your thigh.

He bites his lips as he uses the round tip to part your folds and tease your entrance, swirling around the juices that escaped earlier.

“Fuck..I wanna taste you..”

He licks the gun clean of your juices as he watches you below him with dark eyes, you lick your lips and moan.

“Ahhh you’re so needy, little mouse. Should I fuck you with my gun or my mouth next?”

He rubs your clit with the gun as he bites his lips and waits for your answer.

“Keep going, sir. I like it.”

Taeyong leans back down and kisses your clit. “Why not both?”

He places one finger into your throbbing pussy slowly circling it around. You whimper and arch your back as it feels good to have something finally inside you. He then places another finger inside to stretch you out. He slides them in and out easily while using his thumb to press onto your clit. His fingertips tap onto your g spot teasingly.

“Oh my god!” Your arch your back even more then massage your breasts. The sight of you below him like this makes him weak. Your skin sweaty and hair disheveled, your lips swollen and red from you biting them. You’ve been corrupted by him yet again.

“That’s it, sweetheart.” He removes his fingers and replaces them with his gun, carefully sliding it in and out as you adjust to the cold metal not inside you.

“Fuck.” Taeyong curses. Something about your pussy welcoming his gun makes him dizzy. The danger of it all is unbelievably hot to him.

“How does it feel?”

“It feels..strange, but good, sir, please keep going.” You prop yourself up on your elbows and  look down at the black object sliding easily into you. You let out a moan.

“So good, s-sir.” 

Taeyong pushes your legs further apart .

 You begin to ride it yourself, your eyes floating from the wet gun and to Taeyong’s veiny hands and muscular arms decorated by tattoos. His red hair is parted to the side but a strand fell into his forehead during all the action.

His lips are red and plump, just begging to be kissed by you.

Your velvety walls begin to clench as you move up and down onto the object faster. Taeyong watches your fucked out expression while you chase your high. Your breasts bounce fervently as you move your body faster. Endless whimpers leave your lips.

“Are you going to cum?” Taeyong leans back down over your opening and lifts up the skin above your clit.

“Yes—sir!”

He flattens his tongue against your clit then circles the tip of it around it.

He pushes his tongue in firmly, licking upwards at unpredictable paces ll while never letting your eyes contact go.

You throw your head back as your eyes roll in the back of your head. 

“I’m…Taeyong!” your body shakes, the knot in your stomach finally being relieved, you can’t finish your sentence. Taeyong’s tongue drives you crazy, you can’t think straight. Your body felt like it had been transported to another real mmt as his tongue still massages your clit.

You fall back into the couch, your movements stopping.

Taeyong takes his gun out and licks up your cum while closing his eyes and savoring the taste.

He places the gun beside him then leans down to kiss you so you can taste yourself.

“I love you...but I’ll just have to punish you for running away.” He kisses your forehead as your eyes open.

That itch for Taeyong had been satisfied, but now you had to deal with the consequences of your actions.

“I have something to show you.” He whispers while taking a strand of hair out of your face.

He takes you to the guest room where he has placed a large, wooden cross onto the wall.

At the ends are straps for one's arms and legs, your eyes grow.

“Taeyong…”

He takes your hand and brings you closer to the large cross while smiling. He turns to face you.

“Did you think I’d let you off this easy? Tsk tsk” Taeyong smirks. He quickly lifts you up and places your legs around his waist. He then lifts your arms up one by one and attaches them to the cross. He backs away and allows your naked body to dangle.

“Taeyong..please! I said I was sorry!”

“And this will prove to me that you truly are…I had trouble sleeping because I was so worried about you...now, I must return the favor.” He says as he brings both feet together and buckles your ankles to the cross as well.

He steps back and marvels at the beautiful sight of you on the cross.

He smiles. “Y/n...you’re my savior, you’re all that I need, you’re my religion, and I would do anything for you.”

“Taeyong..please, my arms hurt.” You cry out.

“Shhh don’t beg, my love.”

He turns and grabs the remote for the TV right across from you.

He presses the “on” button and you immediately see a video of Taeyong taking you from behind. 

“I’ve made a special movie for you..it will play our most special moments over and over tonight. This will ensure that you will never forget what it’s like to be with me again.”

“Taeyong, I never forgot about you..” you say softly in a final attempt to be let down.

“Then why did you stay away for so long?” Taeyong growls out, his eyes are wild, like he is holding back a deep anger.

Your mouth falls open into silence.

“My love..I hope you can appreciate this gift.” Taeyong then exits the room, leaving you alone with the bright and loud TV playing compilation videos of you and Taeyong having sex, along with disturbing videos of murders being carried out by his gang.

You cry silently and close your eyes tightly, but you can’t drown out the sound. Your arms and legs hurt from being strained for so long, you’re not sure how much more you can take after just an hour.

“Taeyong!” You call out but there’s no answer.

You stay suspended on the cross and cry throughout the entire night.

You struggled against the restraints from time to time, until you couldn’t even feel your arms. You closed your eyes tightly and looked up, down, to the side..anywhere but forward where the TV was. And somehow, you were able to close your eyes and fall asleep to the sound of your moans and Taeyongs deep voice in the video. But soon you were woken once again by a violent and disturbing video of torture or murder.

The next morning, Taeyong came into the room and untied you. He shut the TV off and carried your strained and numb body to the shower.

“Taeyong..” you whispered softly, your tired eyes opening slowly as you drifted in and out of consciousness.

“Yes, little mouse, I’m here..” He kissed your cheek, then trailed his soft, warm lips down your jaw and neck.

He helped you shower then took you to his bed.

He then covered your body with a blanket and sat on the edge of the bed beside you. He bed smelled like a field of flowers, the plush and bouncy pillow below your head felt especially heavenly.

“Did you do all those things to those people?” You mutter out with your eyes closed.

“Yes..they were bad people, they deserved their punishment, just like you deserved yours..”

Your eyes open wide.

“But lucky for you, you’ve begged for forgiveness and gained it from me.”

Taeyong gave you a small smile. “You should rest now.”

He was about to leave but you called out to him.

“Taeyong...do you trust me?”

The last thing you wanted was for Taeyong to do some digging to find out who you really spent time with during those two weeks. If he found out you were lying and found out about Jaehyun, that would be the last straw. He’d lose it. He would kill the both of you, and maybe your parents too.

You wanted reassurance that he would let it go once and for all, that you could move on and be like you were before.

Taeyong looked back at you and gave a questioning look as he raised an eyebrow.

But he didn’t say anything. He leaned down and placed his lips on yours. Your eyes closed and you finally found some strength in your arms and wrapped one around him, your fingers lightly scratching his back as his lips caressed yours.

His fingers press into your scalp while he listens to you moan.

“Should I trust you?” He says before kissing your neck.

You whimper as he presses his chest onto yours, his pelvis resting against you. You widen your legs a little, your breath leaving you as soon as you feel his hard member poke against the blanket.

He continues to kiss your lips, the way his tongue leaves gentle licks along your bottom lip and the way his hands move on your scalp puts you in a trance.

You reach down into his boxers and take his hard member into your hand, cupping it and moving it up and down slowly.

A groan leaves his lips and enters your mouth, you continue to stroke his member. 

He then kisses your neck. “Oh, little mouse, you’re too good and making me feel this way.” He growls and bucks into your hand.

You feel a growing moisture in between your legs.

“You should trust me..I’m yours.” You whisper against his ears as you rub the precum in his tip with your thumb.

“I want to feel you..please.”

Taeyong kisses your collarbone and sucks hard. “Say it.”

“Want to feel you inside me..” 

A whimper escapes your throat. You’re so pent up, you feel you might burst.

Taeyong lifts himself from you and throws the blanket beside you, revealing your naked body and drenched entrance.

“What do you want me to do?” Taeyong smirks, his forehead glistening with sweat. He removes your hand and replaces it with his own, positioning his cock right in front of your needy opening.

“Taeyong…” you gasp as you watch the toned figure above you and run your hand down his abs.

He nearly cums as he watches his name fall from your innocent lips. Your eyes widen and you lick your lips while your chest rises up and down rapidly.

He watches you stare at his cock as he pleasures it himself.

“Fuck me..”

Taeyong chuckles then rubs his tip in between your folds. You moan at the feeling of something finally against your throbbing hole.

He doesn’t waste any more time as he pushes into you, thrusting your body upwards against the bed.

“Yes..”

You feel every vein of his wonderful cock as he runs it against your silky walls. You clench without control and whimper as he pushes in harder.

“Are you going to cum so soon, little mouse?” Taeyong tilts his head as he watches your jaw tense. He holds onto your knees, pushing them further apart making you cry out.

Your legs wrap around his waist. Your hands shake and grip his back as if to hold onto your sanity.

He presses his thumb onto your clit. “Answer me, sweetheart.”

“Y-yes..”

Taeyong continues to move his thumb sensually in circles onto your body. He looks into your pure eyes.

Time moves in slow motion as your body trembles.

 You cry out his name one final time and dig your fingers into his back.

Taeyong cums soon after, groaning and releasing onto your breasts as they move up and down rapidly.

He treasures the sight of your entire body shining with sweat and now his cum on your beautiful chest.

He leans down and kisses your nipples before flattening his tongue onto each one slowly.

“Oh..Taeyong..” you moan and close your eyes, your hands running through his scalp.

You cum again a few minutes after. That day, you and Taeyong made love and love again on his bed, your bodies entangled with each other while you change positions. Your tongues never grew tired, your hands covered all areas of skin, your neck covered in love bites. and your bodies sunk into the cloud-like bed once it was all over.

But as you laid down beside Taeyong, you couldn’t help but think about how Taeyong never answered your question.

He never said if he trusted you.

————

[Three Days Later]

Taeyong dropped you off and picked you up from all of your classes. He didn’t let you see or speak to your parents. But they didn’t reach out to you either. You wondered why they gave up so easily, but then you remembered your father's words. He only wanted to protect himself and his money. It hurt knowing that he was this way all while being involved in illegal activities with Taeyong.

You finally realized that it was your father that caused the break in, you felt betrayed by the man you were raised by.

You started to question your faith, but you still visited the church and prayed. You prayed for your family’s health and safety, you prayed for Mark’s safe arrival in heaven and for your forgiveness. Each time you thought of him, you teared up.

You also prayed for Jaehyun’s safety. You hoped that you wouldn’t run into him on campus, for you knew that he would ask too many questions.

The fact that Taeyong could possibly have his guys watch you on campus to see who you interacted with made you nervous.

No one was safe around you until you gained Taeyong’s trust.

And when you asked for it, Taeyon would only give you a small smile and caress your cheek with his thumb. He’d say you were “cute” or start to kiss you.

But last night he said “soon..I will.”  

You weren’t sure what he meant by that but his words haunted you even as you walked to class.

You looked onto the sidewalk and gripped your backpack, you were about to cross the street at a stoplight when you felt a tap on your shoulder.

“Hey, stranger.” 

You turned to see a dimpled, brown haired boy.

Jaehyun. Oh no. 

You looked around nervously. “Jaehyun! Hey, how are you?”

He smiled widely. “I’m alright, how are you? How have you been doing?” He stepped towards you with a look of concern.

“I’m fine! I’m sorry about what happened, I-I blew things out of proportion.” You smiled back, but your eyes still looked anxious.

Jaehyun looked around, then looked back at you.

“What-who are you looking for?”

“Huh? I’m sorry, what?”

“You keep looking around like someone is watching you, is everything okay?” He whispered.

“Oh! Haha, yeah everything is fine, I was just looking for my friend, we’re supposed to walk to class together!”

“Oh, I see. Well, I’d love to study or even have dinner with you if you have time today..”

“I’d love to, but I already have plans…” you looked out across the street and pretended to wave to someone.

“Oh! She’s over there, I’d love to talk more, but I have to go, I’ll catch you l-“

You start to walk away, but Jaehyun takes your hand and tugs you back slightly.

He stares at your wrist. You hadn’t noticed that when you waved, your sleeve had fallen down slightly, revealing the subtle markings left from the straps Taeyong used to tie you to the cross a few nights ago.

Jaehyun’s eyes grew. “Y/n..what is this? Are you in trouble?”

You tugged your hand away and rubbed your wrist. “It-it’s nothing! I just had a, um, an allergic reaction to this bracelet my mom bought me!”

Jaehyun tilts his head. “Y/n..you can talk to me.”

“I’m fine, trust me..I’ll see you later, okay? I really have to go..” you spring away as Jaehyun opens his mouth to protest.

While in class, you struggle to focus on your studies. You thought about Taeyong, and how you could love someone that killed people. Those videos replayed throughout your mind, but so did the memories of Taeyong’s bright smile and laugh. You can’t push away the feelings you have when you look at him, falling into him every time as he magically makes you forget all that he’s done. Is this love? It felt like it, but something still felt wrong.

“Miss y/l/n...care to join us?”

Professor Li interrupted your thoughts.

You nodded. “I’m sorry, what was the question?”

“In 2 Samuel 11, David displeased the Lord by doing what?” The professor's deep voice echoed in the silent classroom of about 50 people.

Your mouth falls open. You hadn’t read that section and had no clue what the answer was. 

“I-I..”

He stepped closer to your desk with his book in hand. “Stuttering? No, David did not do that..”

He looks down on you intimidatingly. You sunk down into your chair as your face felt hot.

“Miss y/l/n, I don’t understand how you can take so much time away from class only to fall behind..you’ve had plenty of time at home to read, isn’t that right?”

“Y-yes, Professor.”

“Then why haven’t you read this? Do you expect knowledge and information to just jump into the tiny brain of yours? You have to read so you can absorb it all, make it bigger.”

“You’re right, I’m s-“

“Don’t apologize, just open the book and read the words, or do I need to send you back to English 101?”

A few snickers erupted in the class. Your vision became blurry as you teared up.

“No, professor, I will read it tonight.” Your voice barely above a whisper. 

“Did we all hear that class? Miss y/l/n has decided to actually do the readings for class, let’s give her a round of applause..” Everyone clapped for you and some students started to laugh out more as the professor rolled his eyes and walked back to the board.

You grabbed your backpack and quickly headed for the door when class ended.

“Miss y/l/n..I need you to stay after class for a few minutes..”

You sighed and stepped to the side to allow other students to leave his class.

Once the room was empty, the professor called you over to his desk.

“Are you okay?” The 50-something year old looked into your eyes over his glasses.

“I’m fine..” you played with your thumbs in front of your skirt.

“Do you have...personal.. stuff going on at home?”

“Yes..”

Professor Li was always jealous of your father. He hated how much power he had and made it known to you every time he had you in class, but today he really embarrassed you and you just wanted to run home and cry.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, I’m sure being the child of a pastor is no easy task…” he stands up and stretches.

“But remember to always have faith, to always believe in the good Lord, and to serve him well..”

You nodded. Of course you knew all of this, but why did he make you nervous with each step he took towards you?

“With that being said..I suggest you spend less time with these sinful boys and more time with your head in the books.”

“I’m sorry? I’m not following..” your brows furrow.

He chuckled and looked to the side as he stood in front of you and leaned back on the desk.

“Come on, y/n..these little skirts that you wear even during the winter time..the knee highs..where is your modesty?”

He eyed you up and down and even had the audacity to bite his lips as he stared at a loose button in your top.

You scoff. “Shouldn’t you be worried about your wandering eyes and sexualization of me?”

He stood up straight and looked onto you sternly. “What did you say to me?”

“I’ve done nothing for you to accuse me of ditching class to engage in sexual activities..” you firmly let out.

He laughs then grabs your waist, you jump and try to push him away but he pulls you onto him firmly.

“Let go! You creep!” You shove him away.

“Y/n..” 

That familiar voice echoed in the room.

The professor immediately lets go and looks frightened.

You turn to see Taeyong.

“Taeyong?” 

Taeyong doesn’t look at you, he glares at the man that touched you and walks over slowly.

“Hey, little mouse, I was worried about you..” he says coolly, but the look on his face is hauntingly unreadable. You feel your stomach grow sick as he gets closer, the crazy glint in his eyes becoming more and more visible.

He looks at you and takes your face in his hand. He wipes a tear that has fallen down your cheek with his thumb.

“I saw everyone leave class...except for you.” His eyes shift from your face and onto Professor Li’s.

The professor swallows hard, his skin crawling with unease as Taeyong’s aura is dark and nerve racking. He had no idea who this man was but the tattoos, red hair, and piercings told him enough.

“...why is that, professor?” 

“Miss y/l/n is falling behind on her studies, but now I see what, or rather, who she’s been preoccupied with..” the professor eyes Taeyong up and down and looks at him with disgust.

Taeyong smiles wickedly. “I’ll be sure to take care of what’s keeping her from succeeding, Professor..maybe you should take care of those...lingering hands..”

He turns to look up at the crucifix above the professor's desk.

“I'm sure the lord is not too happy about that move you just pulled.” He still has that crazy smile on his face as he takes your hand.

The professors mouth fell open.

“We should leave..” Taeyong did everything in his power to hold back his desire to bash this man’s head on the desk.

You both walked away, but not before the professor let out one final remark.

“Lust..It was a sin of lust that David committed.”

You continued walking as the professor let out a chuckle.

Taeyong drove you back to his place in silence.

“Are you upset with me?” You turn and ask him while in the passenger seat of his brand new sports car.

“No, of course not, I know it was out of your control.”

You didn’t know what to be more worried about. The fact that Taeyong waited only a few minutes for you to disappear from his sight before he searched for you, or the fact that he let your professor off so easily. It was unlike him.

“Will you hurt him?” You ask.

Taeyong hums for a moment and tilts his head. “Maybe..maybe not, what would you like me to do?”

“I-I don’t know, he was so mean to me..” you shocked yourself. Your immediate response should’ve been “don’t hurt him.” But instead, you actually contemplated whether or not he should receive some sort of punishment. Was Taeyong changing you?

“Well, little mouse, I’m sure everything will work out in the end...don’t worry about him, he’ll never place a finger on you again.” He turns to you, there’s a wild look in his eyes that you can’t describe.

You approach the apartment complex and Taeyong parks into a spot designated to him. You click open your seatbelt, but Taeyong holds your hand.

“Hey..” he calls out to you softly and looks down to your lips.

“Yes..” 

Taeyong is captivated by your eyes, deep and so round. 

He clicks his seatbelt open too and leans over to kiss you, turning his head as his warm tongue brushed against your bottom lip for entrance.

You close your eyes and deepen the kiss, your arms going up and around his neck to pull him closer. Your thighs tighten together as you feel a wet sensation building in between them. Taeyong has this effect on you, every time, he so easily turns you into a begging and needy mess.

Taeyong grips your thigh and pulls it away, leaving you subject to the cold air in the car.

You moan into his mouth as you feel his digits press onto your slit, gliding up and down slowly.

He chuckles. “Ahh such a good girl…” Taeyong kisses your neck as he pushes one finger in, your body shifting in the seat to get a better feeling of his wonderful fingers inside you. The image of Taeyongs veiny, tattooed arm disappearing into your skirt makes you moan with more volume.

“That’s it, little mouse, tell me how good your pussy feels..” He pushes another finger into you then rubs your bud with his thumb.

You bite your lips as his fingers pump in and out of you while pressing onto your sweet spot. But Taeyong taps against it teasingly, barely pressing into it.

“Harder...please.” You breathily exclaim.

“No..you have to tell me how good it feels..”

He says against your neck then bites it.

“Ahh!” You yelp. “It feels good, s-so good.”

He watches your mouth fall open through low eyes, your pussy becoming increasingly wet as he continues to explore your walls with his long fingers. 

He takes your hand and places it onto the tent in his pants. “Do you feel that?”

“Yes..” you bite your lips.

He bucks into your hand as you palm it. “Do you want it? Tell me badly you want it..” a smile falls onto his lips as he whispers against your jaw.

“I want it, Taeyong, I want you..fuck me please.” 

Your hips move on their on onto his hand, you can’t hold back any longer and clench just at the thought of Taeyong fucking you hard in his brand new car.

But Taeyong pulls his fingers out, a pop echoing in the car. He licks his fingers slowly and closes his eyes.

“As you wish, sweetheart.”

You whimper at the sudden emptiness.

“Take your panties off for me, but leave your pretty skirt on..”

You immediately drag your underwear down your legs and leave it on the floor, then turn to Taeyong and wait for his next instruction.

“Get in the back..” he demands and turns the dash cam on his windshield around to record the inside of the vehicle instead.

You go to open the door but Taeyong stops you.

“No, no...through here..crawl back there.”

He smirks as he taps the center console.

You crawl over it, your hands resting firmly against the back seat as your abs flex to bring the rest of your body to the back.

But Taeyong chuckles and wraps his arm under your stomach. He grips you tightly, holding you in place as you whimper.

“T-Taeyong?” You breathe heavily while in this weird position, your ass up and head down as your knees rest on the arm rest.

“Yes, little mouse, I just want to admire you from this angle for a moment.” You hear a low chuckle escape Taeyong. He flips up the frilly end of your skirt.

Your bare ass and dripping pussy is now on display for him and the camera.

He uses his other hand and swats your opening. Your legs become weak.

The high pitched noise you make makes Taeyong grow even more.

He slides his fingers in between your folds, coating them with your slick once again.

“I love your body, sweet girl, but your pussy is my favorite part..it’s so wet, I wish you could see it right now.” His deep, husky voice is laced with lust.

He spreads his index and middle finger to separate and expose your silky hole, but does so at an awfully slow pace. You moan and move against his fingers, hoping to gain more friction.

But Taeyong withdraws his fingers and slaps your ass.

“You’re being impatient, little mouse..”

“I’m-I’m sorry, please..I need you..” you beg.

Taeyong hums as he watches your essence run down your thighs and even to your pink knee highs.

Your arms begin to hurt from holding your body up.

Taeyong continues to play with your flower, pushing his fingers in and out while you’re at this new angle.

As you get closer, clenching around him as your legs tremble, he moves his fingers faster, creating a sinful sound with your body as your high pitched moans grow louder.

Taeyong takes his fingers out slowly just as you’re about to cum. He bites his lips as he watches your smooth skin become even more wet, essence running out of you like a flood.

He can’t take it anymore, he has to fuck you so he takes his arm from under you.

“You may go back now.”

He leaves the car and joins you in the backseat.

He immediately moves to the center of it and brings you over his waist.

You kneel over him and unbutton your shirt. Taeyongs eyes are glued to your dainty fingers revealing your chest to him.

“Taeyong… I want you so badly.” You moan out then lick your lips. 

He looks delectable under you, his ruby red hair pushed back and his eyes low.

He unbuckles his belt and pulls his aching member out.

“Do you want my cock, little mouse?”

He leans his head back onto the head rest while he watches you unhook your bra in the back.

“Y-yes”

“Then you should take it, right?” He looks down and taps his dick against your thigh.

You nod and kneel directly over his delicious cock. You lower yourself onto him slowly, your hands gripping his shoulders as you cry out from the satisfaction of him finally being inside, filling you up completely.

“Good girl..” Taeyong whispers. He leans back and watches you bounce on him, your breasts jumping and your eyes shutting tightly.

You swivel your hips as his cock slides in and out of you, grinding into your tight, plush pussy.

Taeyong runs his hands along your thighs, pushing your skirt up your stomach so he can finally see you take his cock and cover it in shining slick.

The car is filled with grunts and moans as you ride him, you finally find the perfect spot, his dick curves into you and presses against it.

“Oh!! Taeyong, I’m going to..” you throw your head back, the bundle of knots slowly start to unravel. You move even faster.

“Mmmm..yes, sweetheart, I know..” Taeyong says smoothly before gripping your waist with both hands and picking you up off of him.

“Taeyong! No..please!” You cry out, once again you are so close, only to be shunned away from your release.

He turns you around and lowers you back onto him. He slams into you as he brings a hand to your neck. He presses his thumb and fingers into the side of it as you whimper.

Your legs spread more as Taeyong’s dick curves into you at a different but still satisfactory angle.

He squeezes his hand around your throat and buried himself into you deeper, using your body more like a sex doll as the camera records.

He thinks about how fucked out you looked right now, your mouth open, practically drooling and your hair messy. Your hands grabbing at your breasts and playing with your nipples. He knows he’ll watch this video later and enjoy watching you lose your innocence in the back of his car, he’ll enjoy the sight of each whimper falling from your pretty mouth and your skirt riding up as you kneel over him in cute knee highs.

He then uses his other hand and rubs his fingertips into your clit. 

You gasp as your eyes open. You clench around him without control now.

His hips snap into you harder and his hand tightens around your neck. “I'm going to cum in you, sweetheart, going to fill you so well with my cum. Is that what you want?” He growls in your ear. He can just imagine how beautiful you’d looked with swollen breasts during a pregnancy, the glow of your skin and full cheeks as you carry his babies. Somehow, you’d be even prettier.

He draws circles into your clit even harder, your pussy becoming consumed by him as he combines it with his tip rubbing against your sweet spot with every push.

“Ahh! Taeyong!” You scream his name out. “Yes! Yes!”

“I’m going to push it so deep into your fertile pussy, breed you and make you mine forever, would you like that?”

“Yes! Yes, Taeyong, I want you” your head falls back over his shoulders releasing onto him as his dirty words echo in your mind.

Your body shakes as he releases into you as well, keeping his promise and cumming into your depths as he holds you fast against him.

His fingers push into your mouth. You close your eyes and suck them clean as your movement onto his cock slows.

He slides out of your opening a few more times, making sure that not one bit of his cum escapes you.

He kisses your neck. “You did so well, little mouse. I’m so happy you’re mine.”

———

[A Few Days Later]

You studied in the library with Jaehyun, focusing on your papers and last minute research before you went home—to Taeyong’s place to sleep. There was barely anyone on your floor in the library, so you figured no one could watch you and Jaehyun there.

Living with Taeyong was definitely different from living with your family, but you didn’t mind it. Taeyong usually stayed out late, but when he did come home, he’d cuddle you and make sure that you’re okay.

 You’d watch movies together and enjoy take out every now and then. Other than feeling like you were being watched 24/7, life with Taeyong wasn’t that bad.

“Do you need me to read over your paper?” Jaehyun leaned over to you. 

You look up from your laptop and stop typing.

“Hmmm that’s a good idea. Thank you! And I’ll read over yours.”

Jaehyun smiles as you switch laptops.

“Jaehyun? What is this?” You’re confused as you only see a blank page on his laptop.

“Oh, I’m sorry about that..just scroll down.”

He watches you scroll down the page.

But there’s only one sentence in the middle of it.

Y/n, will you see a movie with me after finals?

You smile widely and look up at him.

He blushes. “Keep scrolling.”

Pros of dating me: Hand holder Top tier hugs Tall Dimples Good cook Can and will make you laugh Cons of dating me: I might pass gas if I laugh too hard  None :)

You giggle after reading the last sentence. You wished so badly that you could date Jaehyun. He was caring, sweet, a devout Christian, and yes, unbelievably handsome. But the timing was bad. You loved Taeyong, you couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

And so, your smile faded as reality set in.

You clear your throat. “Jaehyun..I wish I could..you’re an amazing guy, but..”

“Was it the passing gas part?” Jaehyun’s brows furrow.

“No!” You chuckle. “No, it’s not that at all.its just..I’m seeing someone right now..”

“Oh.” He nods slowly, the corners of his mouth slowly fall and his dimples no longer show.

“I’m sorry, Jaehyun.”

He smiles brightly again. “It’s okay! I thought I’d ask, I really like spending time with you, but I completely understand..let’s focus on finals then.”

You nod.

—————

[The Next Day]

Taeyong picks you up from class, but doesn’t take you home.

“Where are we going?” You look at the side of Taeyong’s face, he looks especially striking with the light from the red stop sign on his face, his strong cheekbones peeking through. His eyes are intense, but your attention goes from his hands gripping the steering wheel to his biceps flexing as he turns the car, and from his thighs in his black skinny jeans then to his button down silk shirt with three loose buttons.

 You bite your lips as your mind runs wild with thoughts of him on you.

“We’re going to do something very fun tonight. Think of it as a...couple game! In the end, we’ll be closer than we’ve ever been.” Taeyong says excitedly.

“That sounds fun.” You smile. 

But you slowly came to the realization that this would be an interesting night as you approached a gloomy and daunting warehouse.

“Taeyong..what is this?” You ask as he puts the vehicle in park.

“Come on. You’ll understand once we get inside.”

It’s just the two of you inside the dark box. Taeyong pulls a chain that makes bright led lights turn on above you. When you look around you large cases  and tables all around. It didn’t feel like you were about to play a game there.

You hear a muffled scream and shuffling.

“What was that?” Your eyes grow as you recognize the sound of a man in distress.

“Ah..yes, our contestant..”

Taeyong takes your hand and leads you to the corner of the room.

“Contestant?”

You stumble behind him as he walks fast. 

You see a camera on a tripod, and as you get closer, you see that it is set a few feet in front of a man tied to a chair with a black bag over his face.

His body is completely tied to the chair with rope wrapping around his midsection and legs.

His hands are bound together on rest on his lap.

The man screeches as he hears the two of you step closer to him.

“Taeyong?! What have you done?” You turn to him and begin to panic. You prayed that it wasn’t Jaehyun.

“I have a surprise for you, little mouse.”

You always dreaded Taeyong’s surprises.

He goes behind the man and tears the bag off.

A breath leaves your body when you recognize the man, even with bruised eyes and a bloody, swollen lip. A rag is over his mouth to quiet him.

“Ta da! You didn’t think I’d let this bastard get away with what he did to you, right?”

Your mouth falls open. “Taeyong..no..I don’t want this.”

You watch Professor Li’s eyes widen once he recognizes you. He cries harder and louder, his shrieks so bone chilling, you cringe.

Taeyong laughs out. “Of course you do!”

He bends down and places his head into the crook of the professor’s shoulder.

“He treated yourself like shit, then touched you inappropriately...don’t you want him to suffer?”

Taeyong smiles wickedly.

“N-no..I..I don’t know.” Once again you found yourself questioning everything you had learned. Does everyone deserve forgiveness? 

“You do know, little mouse. That fury in your veins, that tingling in your body that makes you want to choke this bastard till he can no longer breathe...embrace it. Don’t hold back.”

You look away.

Taeyong begins to grow impatient. “He’s an asshole, what if he goes after another girl in his class? Don’t you wonder how many women he’s fucked just so he can give them a passing grade?”

You close your eyes tightly and feel tears fall on your cheek.

Taeyong stands up straight and walks over to you.

He cups your face.

“Little mouse, you always ask me if I trust you...if you do this for me, if you prove that you will kill anyone that touches you because they’re not me..then I will trust you.”

Your eyes open. You can’t explain this need to please Taeyong, but when you look into his mahogany eyes, you feel a fire start in your chest.

You nod slowly. “I—I want you to trust me, Taeyong, but I don’t know if I can do this.”

Taeyong smiles slyly. “I know you can’t, that’s why we’ll do it together.”

He takes your hand and leads you over to a table with all sorts of weapons laid out.

Professor Li squirms in his seat and cries out so hard, he begins to cough.

He begs for this to end, to be released. You think about Taeyong’s words. 

Taeyong picks up a large and intimidating hedge shears.

He hands it to you.

“I’m going to hold his dirty hands up, I want you to open and close this like they’re scissors. We are cutting the evil away from this world.” Taeyong smiles softly.

The professor is a tyrant and uses his status to lure girls in. He’s disgusting and the world would be a better place without him. You said this to yourself over and over, trying to convince yourself that what you’re about to do is justifiable.

You stand to one side of him while Taeyong stands across from you and on his other side.

The professor still tries to get out of the chair, but he’s bound so tightly, his efforts are in vain.

Taeyong grabs his elbows, straightening out his tied  arms up and in front of him. You open the trimmers and position them around his wrists.

Taeyong’s smile grows. “Just like that, sweetheart. Now, snip snip.”

You look at his trembling hands in front of you, ignoring his tears and snot nose as the memories of him gripping your waist and pulling him onto you flood in. You remembered the intense discomfort, the slight panic before Taeyong saved you. You knew you didn’t want anyone else to experience it.

You pressed the handles together and SHRING. 

His bound hands fly to the floor, blood splatters across your face as well as Taeyong’s.

Taeyong laughs loudly as the old man screams out in pain. Blood gushes from his exposed tendons and tissue. You nearly throw up at the sight and drop the shears.

You back away and look in horror as you finally see clearly what you have done.

“T-Taeyong..” you pant.

“You did so well, little mouse..” Taeyong steps towards you and holds your hands.

The professor passes out from blood loss,his head hangs low.

“I-I killed him?” You sob.

“Yes..you did, now he can’t hurt anyone else.”

“But Taeyong..I..” your hands shake. Taeyong pulls them to his face and kisses them.

“Shhhh...it’s okay, I trust you, all that matters is you and me now.”

You nod slowly. 

Taeyong pulls you closer to him. He holds your face in his hands and kisses you deeply. You’re both covered in blood, but it feels so good to hold each other.

Your heart rumbles and your eyes close, you enjoy the touch of Taeyongs heavenly fingers on the small of your back.

Taeyong is so turned on by you finally proving your loyalty to him. You killed someone even while looking like an innocent angel. It was beautiful, you are beautiful.

Taeyong is electrifying, each kiss sends sparks throughout your veins. The adrenaline still pumps through you as you collapse into him and groan. His lips taste like the sweetest cherry, but he smells like blackberries. 

You can’t take it anymore, you need him on you, rubbing his hands all over you as you make love. You pull your shirt over your head and look into his eyes.

“Fuck me..”

Taeyong smirks and rubs his bloody hands over your chest slowly, pushing your breasts together and pinching your nipples.

You moan out into the empty warehouse as he watches your smooth skin become nasty with blood. Your neck smeared with splattered markings.

Taeyong pushes you into the wall, spinning you around so his chest is on your back.

He gets on his knees and pulls your skirt down at a painfully slow rate.

“Taeyong..please.” You cry out as you step out of it.

He only gets out a low and husky laugh as he places his hands onto your butt cheeks and massages them.

He separates them carefully while staring at your essence dripping from your folds.

He licks his lips then licks onto the slit slowly.

You whimper and push your butt out to him more. He grabs your ankles and licks again, only this time, pushing the tip of his tongue in harder to brush it against your clit.

You yelp while grabbing your breasts and playing with your nipples.

“You’re so hot, sweetheart.”

Taeyong lays his tongue out flat again, going in deeper and flexing his tongue.

On instinct, you grind against his face, praying that he goes a little faster because you’re so close from his teasing, you could cry.

“Taeyong!! Please don’t stop!” You gasp and move faster.

He flips you around by placing his hands on your waist.

“Use me, little mouse.”

He sticks his tongue out then buries his face in between your legs once more, only this time, he maintains eye contact with you. His devilish eyes watching your shining, blood covered breasts and the way you bite your lips.

He moves slowly, but you grab his hair and grind down onto his mouth. He flexes his tongue and pushes it in as deep as possible.

“Ahh! Taeyong..fuck..” 

Hearing you curse is all he needs to hear, his boner straining and flinching against his tight jeans.

You move your hips faster and ride his face as he watches you above him, you can only feel that feeling in your stomach, that release that you’re so close to while looking into his low eyes.

Your clit brushes against his nose over and over, he hums to send vibrations through your core.

Your pussy clenches and your grip on his hair tightened, but Taeyong continues to explore every part of you with his tantalizing tongue.

“Taeyong..fuck..oh my god.” Your hips stop moving and your body weakens, but Taeyong quickly stands and takes your hand.

He takes you with him to the table and brushes off all of the weapons that were on it before.

He presses you down onto the table with his chest on your back again then zips his pants and lets his cock loose. He doesn’t give you time to adjust as he slides his needy cock into your soaking flower.

He brings your ass to his hips and groans. 

“Ahhh..my nasty girl.” His hoarse voice enters your ear.

He snaps into you harder, lewd sounds of his cock gliding into your wet pussy fill the room.

He presses his hand into the small of your back. 

You whimper. “Harder, Taeyong..” 

“Oh? Greedy, now aren’t we?” 

Taeyong brings your ass back onto him so hard, you feel the breath leave your body. You cry out his name as he does it again.

His cock fills you up perfectly, grinding against your velvety walls even as they tremble.

Taeyong pulls out then flips you over.

He wants to see just how well you take him because it just feels so good.

He groans as you spread your legs across the table for him to see your drenched pussy aching for him.

You run your hands down your body and lick your lips. “Please..Taeyong...I’m so wet for you..”

Taeyong holds you by the crook of your knees and pushes into you again, watching as your right opening somehow molds itself around his cock, coating it in your delicious juices.

You bite your lips to hold back a moan while you watch Taeyong bury himself into you. He would’ve sucked your gorgeous tits like he always does but this time he just wants to watch himself fuck into you, he wants to see you become filled with nothing but him.

He grips your legs hard and moves faster, his movement blurring as he chases after his high.

The added stimulation of his new speed makes you clench uncontrollably. You throw your head back and welcome another orgasm just as Taeyong welcomes his. This time, he doesn’t pull out, he thrusts into you one final time and coats your walls with strings of cum.

Your groans and moans mesh with each other and fill the room.

Taeyong pulls out of you and taps his cock against your clit. You moan and flinch at the overwhelming stimulation.

He leans down and kisses your lips as he teases your sensitive opening.

You whine and move your hips against his cock. It is only somewhat limp and even though you’ve just cum, you still want more.

You press onto his chest lightly to stop the kiss. You look into his eyes.

He chuckles. “What? Do you still want more?”

“Yes..” you bite your lips and look at him with wide, innocent eyes, making his heart shutter.

He sits on a chair adjacent to the table and right beside the professor’s dead body.

“Come here, little mouse.” He pats his lap. 

You lower yourself onto him and slowly rock back and forth until you feel him grow inside you.

Ecstasy floods throughout your bodies all night as you make love. You pay no attention to the dead man in the room or your bodies covered in blood. 

You even forgot about the camera with the beeping red light.

————

[Two Days Later]

Taeyong had just dropped you off at class when he decided to sneak into your parents house. He knew your father would be home and in his office and he also knew that with some bribing, his security guards would easily let him in without notifying him.

Your father plopped himself into his seat, placing his glass of whiskey beside his notepad on the desk, never realizing the figure in the corner of the room.

Taeyong watches as your father opened up his laptop to see nothing but a black screen.

“What the-“ he mumbles and looks over his glasses onto his keyboard. “God damn technology..”

Taeyong clicks the small clicker in his hand to play the video on your father's laptop.

You father squints and looks closely He jumps once the video starts playing.

‘Just like that sweetheart, now snip snip’

He recognizes the voice in the video.

His eyes enlarge.

“What in the-“ 

He tries to pause the video but he can’t, only Taeyong has control.

“Oh..God.” He sits back in his chair when he sees you. his beloved daughter, cute the hands off of a man.

He continues watching as his eyes brim with tears.

He sees the man pass out then you tearing your shirt off. He turns away from the screen and sobs.

“My daughter...my poor daughter.”

“You should be proud of her..”

Taeyong steps out from the corner.

Your father jumps in his seat and grabs his letter opener. “Who’s there?”

“It’s your son-in-law, I knew you’d be thrilled to see me.”

Your father sits back in his chair and looks at Taeyong through eyes of pure hatred.

“what have you done to her?”

“I’ve only allowed her to be her true self. You should be so worried.” Taeyong sits down across from him.

“Yeah..she killed someone, but hey, if you knew the guy, you’d probably kill him too.” He shrugs.

“I will bring you down, Taeyong. And I’ll get my daughter back. You have turned her into a monster like you!”

Taeyong shakes his head. “Oh, you fool, don’t you see that’s why I’m here? To let you know that that can’t and will never happen. Why? Well, if I go down, your daughter goes down too.”

Your father brows furrow.

“Who yielded the weapon, pastor?”

He stays silent and grits his teeth

“Oh, but here’s a better question, where IS the weapon?”

Your father sighs. “I hope you endure nothing but pain and suffering when she finally leaves you!” He grumbles out.

“Ah, is it buried somewhere on this 32 acre land you’ve got here?” Taeyong places a finger or his chin and begins to laugh.

“Ah, yes that’s right, it’s buried here somewhere, in the lawn of the man that knew about the crime because he just watched the video. Was the killer’s father the one that hid it to protect her? Oh no!” Taeyong fakes surprise. 

“Do You follow me? It’s a chain reaction, father. I go down, your baby goes down, then you go down as an accessory to the crime.”

Taeyong stands up and brushes his jacket off. “It’s a pity that whatever you and that detective has planned for me will never work. That pathetic attempt you made at getting me locked up for life showed me everything I need to see, and now, I won’t hold back…”

He leans forward and places both hands on the desk. “I am the grim reaper, after all.”

“Fuck you, you can’t threaten me!”

Taeyong laughs and leaves the room.

———-

[A Week Later] 

With finals over you rarely saw your friends, you didn’t even message Jaehyun because you suspected that your messages were being tracked.

You couldn’t take the risk.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, grew worried for you. He asked your friends but no one claimed they had seen or even spoke to you. Just like him, they always got your voicemail when they called.

He went to your father and begged to see you, but that’s when he learned that you no longer stayed there.

When he asked where you were, your father hesitantly told him about Taeyong’s apartment complex because he wouldn’t stop pushing.

He warned him and even told him that Taeyong was a gang leader, but Jaehyun wouldn’t listen. He wanted to save you. The marks on your wrist made him worried and he knew you needed help before it was too late.

He went to the complex and snuck around, hoping not to be seen by anyone. He waited in his car to see if you’d leave at some point. Once he spotted you, he would call out to you and have you jump in his car. He’d speed off with you to get away from this place.

The upper-class and bougie complex was really quiet. It didn’t seem like many people lived there, but there was an eerie aura that Jaehyun couldn’t ignore.

He waited all night for you in his car, but never saw you. He didn’t see anything to be exact. Well, not until a red-haired man and several other guys in black left. They drove off on their motorcycles with the red haired guy leading in front.

Jaehyun quickly unbuckled his seat belt and jumped out of his car he snuck in through a door that hadn’t been shut all the way. He got onto the elevator and took it to the top floor where Taeyong’s supposed penthouse was.

Once he got to the door with the apartment number, he rang the doorbell and looked around nervously.

You looked at the screen that showed you a real-time video of your doorstep and nearly screamed when you saw Jaehyun. You quickly opened the door.

“Jaehyun! You can’t be here! You have to leave!”

You shook your head.

“I just wanted to know if you were okay! I haven’t heard from you in days-“

“Yes! Yes I’m fine but you have to leave!”

“No, you’re not fine. You’ve been kidnapped by a gang leader. Come with me and we’ll go far away! You’ll be safe.”

You gave him a look of confusion. “What? I don’t need to be saved, Jaehyun. I like it here, and I haven’t been kidnapped, who told you that?”

“I don’t need anyone to tell me, y/n! The fact that you’ve been locked up here all night and have your phones turned off tells me that he’s controlling you! He’s taken over your life and you need to get out from under his grasp.” Jaehyun’s eyes search yours, quietly pleading for you to take his hand and run away with him.

“Jaehyun...you have no idea what you’re talking about…” you sigh. “We love each other, okay?”

“But y/n..”

“Just leave! I don’t want to be with you!” You shut your eyes tightly. Jaehyun has been so kind to you, but you felt conflicted with his words. Was he just a product of your old life that you needed to leave behind? Or did he have a point?

He steps back and nods.

“I’m..I’m sorry”

“Jaehyun..” you start to apologize but he walks away swiftly, holding his head low.

You shut the door and lean against it as his words played in your mind.

Jaehyun turned the corner and was about to head for the elevator when he saw another man walking towards it. The man dressed in all black like the other men he saw downstairs. Jaehyun holds his head down and takes the stairs instead.

Jaehyun jogs down the stairs, and about 7 flights down, he bumps into a group of intimidating men.

They smoke cigarettes in between their tattooed fingers and all turn to him.

“Uh..excuse me..”

Jaehyun moves through a small space created for him to pass through, but his heart races. These men looked like gang members, he wondered if he could get out without being noticed.

He runs down the stairs even faster, he gets to the bottom floor, turning the corner to leave. He’s met with the tall man with a broad chest. He collides into him full speed, but the man doesn’t budge. Jaehyun falls back.

“Jaehyun...leaving so soon?” The man says lowly.

Jaehyun looks up slowly, then attempts to bolt in the other direction, but the man wraps his arms around him and pulls him back. He places a towel coated in chloroform over his mouth.

Jaehyun’s vision becomes blurry, he eventually passes out and stops struggling against the man.

————

[The Next Night]

You lay your head on Taeyong’s lap while you watch a movie together. Your mind is preoccupied, however, you think about what Jaehyun said. Was Taeyong too controlling?

“What are you thinking about?” His deep voice lets out.

“Nothing..”

“I trust you to be honest with me, little mouse.” Taeyong massages your scalp.

“Of course…” you answer softly and close your eyes, his long fingers feel good.

“So tell me..who is Jaehyun?” 

Your eyes open and you pick yourself up from his lap.

He grips your chin inbetween his thumb and index finger. “I’ll give you one chance to answer me honestly.”

“He-He’s just a friend..we had a class together and studied together sometimes..” you try to play it off coolly but deep down you panic. How did Taeyong know about him?

“So why did I find this on his dresser?”

Taeyong reaches beside him and dangles your gold cross necklace in your face. You forgot that you had left it at his place.

“I-I must’ve lost it in class.”

“That’s not what Jaehyun says..” Taeyong’s eyes grow angry, he gritts his teeth as he lets your chin go.

“J-Jaehyun? Where is he?” 

“Is this who you ran off to? Is this your “cousin?”

Taeyong stands up from the couch.

“No! No, Taeyong, please believe me. I didn’t stay with him!”

“But he says you did, and I found your necklace earlier today, so are you lying to me?!” 

Your mouth is agape, you weren’t sure what to say, do you tell Taeyong the truth or lie again? Either way he’d be upset.

He huffs. “I can’t believe this..” he pulls out his phone and dials someone up.

“Bring him in!” 

“Okay. Yes I stayed with him, but we didn’t do anything! He was just helping me! I swear!” You cry uncontrollably.

The door clicks open and someone throws Jaehyun inside. His throat is red and bruised with what looks to be a chain pattern.

His hands are tied but he yells as he falls on the floor in the center of the room.

“Do you love him?” Taeyong tilts his head and watches your face, waiting for any slight indication that you are attached to him.

“N-no I dont, I promise he means nothing to me, just let him go!”

You sob.

Jaehyun looks hurt by your words but says nothing, he looks up at Taeyong.

“He means nothing to you? So if I kill him, will it hurt you, make you sad?” Taeyong pouts.

“Taeyong! Please don’t do this again.” You reach out to him, but he steps back.

“Why are you crying so much if you don’t love him?” 

You don’t have an answer.

Taeyong is disappointed, he trusted you, he thought you only loved him, but your actions told him otherwise.

“He’s very pretty, I can see why you fucked him..”

“No! I didn’t, we never-“ you start.

“She’s telling the truth. We never did anything because she only thought about you.” Jaehyun finally lets out.

Taeyong nods. “That’s nice to hear, but I don’t like that you are pretty, Jaehyun. I’ll let you live, but I think we should rough you up a little..”

Taeyong looks up at Johnny and nods. Johnny and Jungwoo each take Jaehyun’s arm and hoist him up. They hold him still as Taeyong flicks his Swedish blade open.

“You came here for her, didn’t you?”

Jaehyun grunts, he breathes heavily through his nostrils.

“Well, I’m going to give you something that will remind you of me every day..when you look in the mirror, you’ll remember how badly you fucked up.”

Taeyong smiles.

“Taeyong, please!” You beg one final time c but he ignored you.

“Y/n, it’s okay, I should’ve listened to you from the first time you said no. I shouldn’t have come here, this isn’t your fault!” Jaehyun cries out.

Taeyong places the sharp blade into Jaehyuns forehead. Jaehyun’s screams make you cover your ears.

Taeyong’s wild eyes watch the sharp tip ruin the beautiful, soft skin of his forehead. Blood gushes out and runs all over Jaehyun’s face as Taeyong carves an X into it.

“No!!!” Jaehyun pulls and tries time and time to move his head but the three men on him keep him still.

“Oh God! Taeyong!” You can’t help but sob heavily. You couldn’t believe this was happening again.

Taeyong throws the blade to the side and smiles as he adores his artwork.

The men let go of Jaehyun and let him fall to the floor.

You crawl to him and hold his face in your hands. Taeyong’s smile drops. You couldn’t possibly be touching and comforting another man.

“And so the truth comes out…” he growls.

“Jaehyun, I am so sorry.” You wipe tears from his eyes and hold him as he cries. Your hands shake as you look at the deep carving inflicted by Taeyong.

“It's okay, it’s not your fault.” Jaehyun’s voice is raspy and hoarse after all his screaming.

“Little mouse...if you wish to leave me...then go, just leave. I can’t take this heartbreak anymore. You’ve lied to me too many times.”

Taeyong sits down on the couch. He sighs and looks away.

“I’m sorry, Taeyong, but I really can’t do this anymore. You hurt anyone that gets close to me..”

“Because I love you..but I guess you do not love me too. I expect loyalty from you at the very least.”

“Taeyong, I-“

“Get out of my sight!” His voice raises. 

You look at Taeyong then back at Jaehyun, he needed to get to a hospital immediately.

You quickly stood up and helped Jaehyun.

“I’m sorry..” you say one final time before taking Jaehyun’s hand and running out the apartment. You felt an uncertainty and a rush as you ran down the stairs. You were free from Taeyong but a part of you didn’t want that.

You pushed the exit door open. Jaehyun pointed out his car. “Over there.” 

You grabbed his key from his hoodie pocket and helped him into his car. He was drifting in and out of consciousness so you would have to drive.

Meanwhile, Johnny watches from the window.

Taeyong stares at the floor while feeling heartbreak and disappointment.

“They’re about to leave, Taeyong, should we proceed?”

Taeyong sighs and thinks for a moment. Should he let you go and move on? Could he be without you forever?

No.

“’X’ marks the spot..” he says and a clicking sound echos into the apartment as a bullet is loaded into the barrel of Johnny’s sniper gun.

You help Jaehyun into the passenger seat and begin to walk around to the driver's side, but a sharp sound rings out into the night then a crash follows.

A bullet flies into the windshield and hits Jaehyun, causing his head to explode into a million pieces in the car. His brains and blood splatter all windows of the car.

Your mouth falls open, your eyes water, you become dizzy. The only thing you can do is stumble and walk backwards and away from the car.

No no no no, this can’t be happening.

You fall to your knees and let out a loud wail into the night as Taeyong heads for the elevator.

Your head falls into your hands as you sob. Another innocent person is killed..because of you.

You feel Taeyong’s cold fingers grip your shoulder. Your face still in your hands while you cry uncontrollably. He’s done it again.

“I told you I’d never let you go, little mouse. You can run and hide, but you’ll always fall into my trap.”

And It’s then that you realize, you truly are stuck with Taeyong—forever.

[anais-mitchell]

a comprehensive list of every never before seen hadestown lyric revealed in “working on a song”

Note: This list will not include any lyrics from the OBCR, Broadway previews documented in audios, the London run, the Edmonton run, or the NYTW run. Only lyrics that Anaïs has never revealed before. Also, I strongly recommend everyone actually read the book and support Anaïs! It has amazing insights into the show we love. 

(Also, any ellipses mean the song just goes into the lyrics we already know)

Wedding Song

In early Vermont productions, Wedding Song did not exist; there was another duet called Everything Written.

Fates: Seven Sisters / Little Dipper / Great Bear, Hunter / Drinking Gourd / Libra, Leo / Pisces, Pluto / Venus, Virgo / Capricorn

Eurydice: Don’t it make, don’t it make you feel so small? / Orpheus, when you look up at it all? / When I look into the skies / I lose my head for scale and size / And still you’re larger in my eyes / Than any star / You pull on me like gravity / I want to be where you are

They say that everything is written / Everything written in those stars / The very lives we’re living / The very love in our hearts

Orpheus: Who could write, who could write this kind if love? / From such a height, all these light-years up above? / And all these light-years down below / I don’t need any star to show me / What my heart already knows / Eurydice / You pull on me like gravity / I want to be where you are

Eurydice: Come here

Orpheus: I’m here

Eurydice: It’s so cold

Orpheus: So clear

Eurydice: It’s so dark

Orpheus: So fair

Eurydice: Come near

Orpheus: I’m here

Eurydice: You’re there

A workshop version of Wedding Song included this exchange:

Eurydice: You have a way with words don’t you? It’s too bad none of them are true

Orpheus: It’s not a lie- It’s poetry

Eurydice: How many mouths does a poem feed?

Epic I

From 2007 Vermont:

Orpheus: King of diamonds, king of spades! / First there was Hades, king of the dirt / Miners of mines, diggers of graves / They bowed down to Hades who gave them work /  And they bowed down to Hades who made them sweat / Who paid them their wages and set them about / Digging and dredging and dragging the depths / Of the Earth to turn its insides out / Singing la la la la la la la...

Then came Persephone, Hades’s wife / Our Lady of Shadows and Meadows entwined / Made to spend half of the days of her life / Right alongside of him down in the mine / But the other half she could walk in the sun / And the sun in turn burned half as bright / Which is where the seasons come from / And with them the cycle / Of the seed and the sickle / And the lives of the people / And the birds in their flight / Singing la la la la la la la...

So it was and it might have stayed / And the sun came up and the sun went down / A circle of fourths, a perfect cadence / The serpent’s tail in the serpent’s mouth / But the strong will take what they want to take / And the weak can only tell the tale / And the king began to lay his heavy hand upon the scale / What did he want? He wanted Our Lady / To have and to hold, not half, but wholly / To love him and never to leave him again / And as for the seasons, to hell with them! / And the earth warmed over in the dead of winter / The stillborn spring lay cold beneath /  Summer gave a stormy sermon / Autumn walked in the wake with a wreath / And the people moved like weather patterns / Looking for shelter, looking for warmth / Helter-skelter the four winds scattered / The scavengers over the ravaged earth / Singing la la la la la la la...

From a workshop, presumably pre-London:

Hermes: Orpheus was a poor boy / But he had a gift to give / There was one song he’d been working on / He could never seem to finish / A song about this broken world / That he rewrote again and again / As though if he could find the words / He could fix the world with them

Livin’ It Up On Top

From pre-NYTW workshops:

Persephone: A hundred sunny summer days / Till my lover comes to find me / A hundred blooming olive trees / And a hundred grapevines climbing / Singing songs when the sun goes down / Light the fire in the darkness / Brother, pass that bottle around / And we’ll raise a glass to the harvest, it’s / Just enough fruit for the pressing / Just enough wine to fill our cups / But what we have is a blessing / It isn’t much but it’s enough

Eurydice: A hundred starry summer nights / Since my lover came and found me / Picking fruit and hopping freights / With his music all around me / Stay up late making love / All the stars are naked / Talking sweet and sleeping rough / Our bed is where we make it, there’s / Just enough fruit for the pressing...

Way Down Hadestown

From when Anaïs was 21, long before the show was even a concept:

Follow that dollar for a long way down / Far away from the poorhouse door / You either get to hell or a border town / Ain’t no difference anymore...

Suckin’ on the gristle and chewin’ on the bone / Thinkin’ ‘bout missiles and the old Dow Jones / All alone on your chromium throne /And lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely...

From 2006:

Persephone: Though I’m happy at his side / He’s not an easy man to love / I used to keep him satisfied / But lately he can’t get enough / Never enough of the mine and the mill / Never enough of his working girls / Never enough of the wall he’s building / All around the underworld / Way down Hadestown...

Orpheus: Mr. Hades is slick as an eel / Fountain pen, crocodile shoes / Quick as a snake, and he’s hot on your heels / He’ll make you an offer that you can’t refuse! / Way down Hadestown...

Hermes: Speak of the devil and the devil comes / Here comes Mister Hades now / To gather up his chosen ones / And bring ‘em down to Hadestown / Way down Hadestown...

From 2007:

Hermes: Make room, make room for Hermes, sir! / Make a little room for Hermes, ma’am / They call me a messenger / But that ain’t half of who I am 

I’m a man of influence / I’m connected up and down / And  I got all the documents / You need to get to Hadestown / Way down Hadestown...

Tired of walking in your worn-out shoes? / Tired of running on nothing at all? / Tired of standing your bets to lose? / Tired of losing? Give me a call, we’ll go... / Way down Hadestown...

Orpheus: Mister Hades got an iron fist / Step outta line and he’ll have your head / In the blink of an eye, with a flick of the wrist

Hermes: Hang around here and starve instead!

Orpheus: It’s a cattle pen!

Hermes: It’s a feeding trough!

Orpheus: He’ll fatten you up just to cut you down! / I’d rather starve

Hermes: I’d rather stuff my pockets down in Hadestown! / Way down Hadestown...

Hey, Little Songbird

Anaïs says she tried out this line in 2017 to include a more explicit “job offer” in the wake of the MeToo movement:

Hades: Hey, little songbird, gimme a song / I’m a busy man, and I can’t stay long / I’ve got clients to call, I’ve got orders to fill / I’ve got millions of souls on my payroll, but hell / I could fit you as well if you wanted

When the Chips are Down

From Vermont, 2006:

Fates: Cross my palm! Grease my chin / Can’t you see the kind of shape you’re in? / What you gonna do... ?

Wait For Me

From Vermont, 2007:

(These exchanges intercut the chorus)

Hades: Hermes! / Hermes: Hades! / Hades: Back in town! / Please, sit down / Please, relax / You’ve been around the world and back / Haven’t you, Hermes? / Hermes: I have / Hades: How’s the weather? / Hermes: Worse than ever / How’s your wife? / Hades: My wife is fine / Hermes: You’ve been spending a lot of time together / Haven’t you, Hades?

Hades: What have you brought? / Hermes: The latest crop / Hades: The freshest cut? / Hermes: A cut above / Hades: How many of them, a lot? / Hermes: A lot / Hades: A few too many perhaps / What’s this? / Why have you brought me Orpheus? / I know I never ordered that / It seems you’ve gone behind my back / Haven’t you, Hermes?

Hades: What was that? / Hermes: What was what? / Hades: I heard a voice / Hermes: I heard it not / Hades: Someone singing / Hermes: I heard nothing / Hades: Some kind of song / Hermes: You could be wrong / It could have been the wind / Hades: The wind? / Hermes: It could have been the rain / Hades: The rain? / Hermes: It could have been the train... (the train / the train / the train / the train...)

From “an early cutting room floor version”:

Fates: One (one, one) / You forget the sun

Eurydice: I forget the sun

Fates: You forget where you come from / You forget the sun

Eurydice: I forget the sun

Fates: Two (two, two)

Why We Build the Wall

Pre-NYTW:

Hermes: A lot can happen behind closed doors / With the big boss and his fountain pen / A lot of dirty deals go down / When there ain’t nobody watching...

Our Lady of the Underground

The 2006 version of the song was called “A Crack in the Wall” and these were the lyrics:

Persephone: Come and see the stars! / They’re fixin to fall / Slidin’ and a-slipping’ / In their gravity shoes / Old Man Mars / Taking Venus to the ball / Big dipper dippin’ / To the blue-sky blues

Have you forgot? / Which was is up? / I think you’ll find / I have just the thing for you / Put a quarter in the slot / You can fill your loving cup / With a little bit of moonshine / From the pay-per-view

How selfless! / The silent moon / Holding a mirror / For an ungrateful sun / Hey, Orpheus! / Are you leaving so soon? / Every night around here / Is a fateful one 

Maybe you got blindsided / Lost your papers! / Lost your mind! / Maybe you once lost an angel / Just to watch her fall / Look a little closer and / The water turns to wine / Look a little closer: there’s a crack in the wall!

So I raise my cup / To the stars in the sky / If you want a show / Go on, get in line / Step right up brothers / Don’t be shy / What the boss don’t know / The boss won’t mind

Way Down Hadestown (Reprise)

A 2013 version of this song was called “No One Now,” delivered to Orpheus, and these are the lyrics:

Fates: Used to be a blushing bride / That was on the other side / Better to forget her face / Now she’s like the rest of us / One more number in a crowd / Maybe she was someone once / She ain’t no one now

Used to be a loving wife / That was in another life / Carve it on a marble stone / Now she’s like the rest of us / One more body in the ground / Maybe she was someone once / She ain’t no one now

Brother don’t you think we all / Used to have a name to call? / A tale to tell as well as her? / Now she’s like the rest of us...

Maybe when she first arrived / So alive, so naive / All the bright lights in her eyes / All her insides fluttering (alt. Heart aflutter on her sleeve) / Maybe she was someone then / Back when Hades drew her in / Like a moth into his flame / Borne aloft on burning wings / Well she ain’t the first and she ain’t the last / Hades’ fire is hot and fast / Just ask all the other girls / Sweeping up the ashes in the underworld / See even when the flame is new / She doesn’t hold a candle to / The woman Hades truly loves / So maybe she was someone once / But now she’s like the rest of us / All used up, all burned out / Maybe she was someone once / She ain’t no one now

From the Dartmouth workshop:

Hermes (to Orpheus): If you wanna get around down here in the tank / Down here in the clink / Down here in the hole / You got to think the way they think / Which is to say, your mind is blank / Which is to say, don’t think at all / Come / I’ll show you how it’s done 

Welcome to the skeleton crew! / Welcome to the chain gang, kid / Lemme introduce you to / The members of the working dead / Old Jack Hammer! / Mister Miner / Wandering forever in the catacombs / Working on a hole to China / Diggin’ up them dino bones / Way down...

Sweatshop Sally! Missus Miller! / Workin’ in the cellar where the sun don’t shine / Sad eyed little Cinderella / Sweeping up the ashes of the summertime / Used to be one a the boss’s pets / Now she’s just another stiff / One night in the boss’s bed / And a lifetime on the graveyard shift / Way down...

Flowers

Did not exist in Vermont, but there was a brief reprise of “Everything Written”: 

Eurydice: If it’s me- if it’s me you’re looking for / Orpheus, I can’t be with you anymore

Fates: She signed in blood / She signed for good

Eurydice: I signed before I understood / And I’d unsign it if I could / But it’s too late / They say that everything is written / Everything is written in those stars / Even these lives we’re living / Even this love

Fates: Seven sisters...

Papers

Pre-NYTW:

Hades: Let me see your papers, son / Let me see your documents / Or could it be that you have none? / You’re on the wrong side of the fence...

If It’s True

Pre-concept album:

Orpheus: If it’s true what they say / If there’s nothing to be done / If there’s no part left to play / If there’s no song to be sung / If it’s true what they say / If there’s no stone left to turn / If there’s no prayer left to pray / If there’s no bridge left to burn / If it’s true what they say / I’ll be on my way / If it’s true what they say / Then I have lived a lie / They can take the sky away / Take the stars out of my eyes / And my face will be a mask / And my heart will be a stone / And I’ll throw away the past / And I’ll go away alone...

How Long?

Pre-concept album:

Persephone (to Hermes): Brother Hermes, god of speed / Put your feathers on his feet / Hasten his delivery / Keep him hale and whole / Brother, I’m a jaded woman / But there’s something in his singing / And it feels like spring a-comin’ / To the winter of my soul 

Brother Hermes, god of speed / Put your feathers on his feet / Hasten his delivery / Keep him safe and sound / He reminds me of the lover / That I was when I was younger / Back before my heart went under / Undercover / Underground

Chant (Reprise)

Dartmouth Workshop, 2014:

Hades: And in this symphony of mine / Are power chords and power lines / Which I arrange and orchestrate / And every day I dedicate / The magnum opus of my life / To my unkind, ungrateful wife / Persephone, and she shall see / Her name in lights on my marquee / And every night, another show / My symphony will never close! / And she shall have a front row seat / Which she shall never, ever leave! / Young man, you can strum your lyre...

Epic III

Vermont:

Orpheus: The strong will take what they want to take / And the weak can only tell the tale / And the heart of the king loves everything / Like the hammer loves the nail

The heart of the king is iron and steel / The heart of the king is the color of rust / The heart of the king is soldered and sealed / The heart of the king is a tinderbox / That he has to keep under lock and key / That it not catch fire inside his chest / Cos a lover’s desire is a mutiny / A lover’s desire is a wilderness 

But even that hardest of hearts unhardened...

(I just have to say I fucking love this imagery of a fire oh my god)

Lover’s Desire

Anaïs once set the original Lover’s Desire melody to lyrics around the area of Wedding Song:

Orpheus: Lover, can you hear me? / I’m asking for your hand / Your hand for better or for worse / Forever / Whether you’re sick or well / For rich or poorer, to have and to hold for as / Long as we both shall live

Eurydice: Lover, can you hear me? / I’m asking for a hand / A hand that’s steady and strong / To lean on / To catch me if I fall / That’s the hand that I’ll have and I’ll hold for as / Long as we both shall live

Word to the Wise

Early workshops:

Fates: Hey / Hey / Hey / It’s judgement day! / Are you gonna let ‘em just walk away? / What you gonna do... ?

Wait For Me (Reprise)

Vermont:

Hades: Hermes!

Hermes: Hades!

Hades: Time to go / Time to bring this to a close / Time to lay this thing to rest 

Hermes: Orpheus?

Hades: Orpheus / It’s all agreed / We’ve struck a deal / He’s free

Hermes: He’s free?

Hades: He’s free to walk

Hermes: And she?

Hades: To follow at his heel / And she, to follow at his back

Eurydice: Wait for me, I’m coming...

Hades: And she shall follow at his back / And she shall follow in his wake

Hermes: And what’s the catch?

Hades: The catch is this: / He shall not turn to see her face / And if he turns, the game is up / The deal is off, his race is run / And that’s the end of Orpheus / You’ll see it done?

Eurydice: Wait for me, I’m coming...

Written at an unspecified time but never used:

Hermes: A poor boy and a hungry young girl / Walking single file / While the music played / Brother, they looked for all the world / Like they was walking down the aisle / On their wedding day

We Raise Our Cups

The show once ended with an alternate song called “Cloud Machine” in Vermont, the lyrics of which Anaïs says she is embarrassed by:

Orpheus: What have I done? Mother, what have I done? / Squandered the gift that you gave me / Gambled with Hades and Hades won / And there’s no song now that can save me 

Mother, I failed! Oh Mother, I tried / And I fell like a fool would fall / And I left my love / On the other side / On the other side of the wall

(Alt. There’s a crack in the wall / It’s a little bit wider / It’s a little bit wider, that’s all)

Persephone: Come, my son, don’t take it so hard / Everything is forgiven / You have done naught / But to play out the part / That the Fates in their wisdom have written

Orpheus: Raise up the curtain! The crowd goes wild! / The Fates are drunken clowns / All of us dreamers are walking the wire / While they juggle our dream around 

Apollo, come down in your cloud machine / Apollo, come swallowing fire / With your thunder and lightning and kerosene / For the Fates and their funeral pyre

Persephone: Come, my son, we try and we fail / Every tail has an end

But the pale dawn breaks / And the snake eats it’s tail / And the tale begins again...