#maybe doxxing myself with the last photo if you know you know

[ditsyknits]

I finished it! I took the green quilt out on a little adventure today before it goes off to it’s new home tomorrow!

I’m sooo happy with the way this came out. I’m really glad I took the time to start over with the quilting. I think the end product shines 🧡💚

[fingertipsmp3]

Maybe it’s the delusions again but maybe… just maybe….. everyone is out to get me

[hedgehog-moss]

I met with you in my dream last night! For some reason I was in France, so it was only natural I go visit you. You took me on a little tour of your house and showed me some cow bones you had, and then you took me on a ride in your flying boat and fed me some cut fruit. You were very kind and gave me some excellent advice on a problem I was having in the dream. Then we met up with my mother, and I introduced you as my friend Hedgehog, lol. Thank you for being such a lovely host in my dream!! It was quite fun. I hope I get to visit dream you again, and maybe meet the dream llamas next time!

That's such a nice dream! All it's missing is a kiss from Poldine :) I'm glad I was a welcoming host, because I was bracing myself for a dark turn when I read "you showed me some cow bones you had"—that just felt ominous.

I want you to know that it may have been a prophetic dream. Just a few days after I read your ask, back in June, Poldine & I went to visit some distant neighbours, and not only did I find the place eerily quiet and messy-empty, as if they had moved in a hurry, but there was a cow skull on their doormat. (There was also a goat skull behind the window in the barn.) My first assumption was that someone had placed the skulls there while the owners were temporarily absent and it had scared them into leaving for good. (I asked a friend "What should I do if I came home from a weekend away and found a cow skull placed in front of my door, and a goat skull behind the window in the barn?" and she said "Let whoever did this have your house; leave immediately.")

I don't want to post my cow skull photo because you see the glass door + the inside of the house behind it so it feels weird, like I'm doxxing my ex- or future-neighbours. Whoever moves here next will already have enough problems, what with all the skulls. I do have a photo of Poldine looking ambivalent about our presence here, post-skull discovery:

EDIT 2 months later: I kept this in my drafts and let the summer pass before posting, hoping local gossip would allow me to figure out what happened and I'd have a fun story to share, but no. The facts are: my distant neighbours (who moved here just last year) moved back to the big city in a hurry, no one knows why, 2 other people went to visit them after they left but I am the only one who saw the skulls. Maybe the person who put them there came back for them later so they can use them again when a new family buys this house? (It's a nice little wooden chalet, if anyone is interested. You'll be living in the woods with your nearest neighbours quite far away and possibly an enemy lurking in some nearby tree.)

I'm very sorry for unexpectedly turning your lovely ask into an episode of Creepy Rural Mysteries! Let me know if you have any more dreams about visiting me; they could contain important details and / or warnings.

[ellacflo-blog]

Mr. Lawnchair and The Star Night Light

I think Lawnchair is a good place to start because, to many people's agreeance, this character may be one of my worst. Lawnchair was a guy I talked to in the winter of 2024, and I met him through the photography department at VCUarts (don't wanna fully dox myself, but look it up. You'll see the breed of guy I'm talking about).

Lawnchair is tall, dark, handsome, mysterious, and clean-cut (again, to many people's agreeance, maybe too clean-cut in some ways), firmly riding into any room on his customized cruiser bike. Lawnchair is an asshole, always has been and always will be. Even before I knew him as Lawnchair, this guy was just a stick in the mud. If you ever watched Charlie Brown, I imagine Lawnchair as when Charlie Brown has a constant raincloud stuck over his head. For example, the last time we spoke, I asked him how his day was, to which he replied: "horrible. just found out I have nine cavities. I hate the dentist."

Yep, that's definitely the dentist's fault.

Lawnchair earned his title from an incredibly shining moment of his strange, negative view of life. On Valentine's Day 2024, I woke up to see I had received a text from Lawnchair (at this point, he was referred to by his government name, which is way less fitting). Per the holiday, I assume this message would be a romantic scrawl of his appreciation of our time together. Of course, as I wouldn't be including the story if that was the case, was not what the message included.

"We can't see each other anymore...I have an addictive personality, and when it comes to you, I fold into you like a lawnchair."

??? Obviously annoyed with the content of the message, I was already fuming in a similarly cartoonish manor to his constant raincloud. And then, I was more mad that he included some pathetic attempt at poetry with the lawnchair bit. From that point on, he would always be known to me and my group of friends, as Lawnchair.

The most prized piece of my thesis show was a photo of me dumpster diving, wearing a bright red jacket. On top of the image, engraved into the glass, were the words:

"Contorted roots of kudzu splintered and split through me as I'm sat on a lawnchair near the I-81."

An obvious hit to the lawnchair bit, I was hoping this would bust the metaphorical cheap plastic seat out of the now-distant Lawnchair. The night goes on - and nothing. Not a word.

The next day, however, I opened Instagram to see Lawnchair had posted on his story, which I immediately opened (duh). To both my horror and absolute delight, my lawnchair photo was staring back at me through the screen. I had won, but I had also so obviously lost.

With each guy that I can, I'll end the story with a clipping from an angry and disgustingly cringy detail of my account at the time. Here is one for Lawnchair:

"I was a sweet sip on corn syrup, an embarrassing and awkward transaction of sex with the lights on and keeping things a secret so your other girlfriends wouldn't know. Hanging above me, your star night light laughs at me for shitting where I eat."

XOXO,

ellacflo

[phantomfitzroy]

I got caught and tagged like a wild animal by @cromerholt AND @noellevanious :-) quastions time

Are you named after anyone? Technically yes. When I listened to TAZ:Graduation I was really caught on Fitzroy Maplecourt, Knight in Absentia to the realm of Goodcastle 's name for some reason. Don't get me wrong, Griffin made a very fun character but I really don't associate my attachment to the name to him at all. It was more like inspiration, you know? Also my middle name, Aleksandr, is from an old ass youtuber I used to watch religiously in high school. If you know you know. I still use it as a first name, though, Fitz and Aleks are both good names I will respond to. Fun fact, my best friend called me Aleks through our junior/high school before I knew I was trans. I guess it just stuck.

When was the last time you cried? Yesterday. I watched a vid of an older woman with Alzheimer's talking with her daughter. She repeatedly asked her daughter to stop calling her mom, which did get to me, but what got to me most was her gradually remembering her daughter as the video went on while she looked at old photos and trinkets from her past. It really got to me.

Do you have kids? Nope :-) I fluctuate between not wanting kids and maybe wanting kids. I'm sure I'll have a better idea when I'm older and actually can take care of myself first.

What sports do you play/have you played? I used to play basketball in junior high. Also if you count marching band? Our director had us doing laps around the football field before practice and shit.

Do you use sarcasm? A very hesitant yes. I hardly use it, the closest I could say I get to sarcasm most of the time is just telling silly lies to people, but there's never any ill will behind it ever. I just like seeing what I can get people to believe, but I always let people know I lied after.

What's the first thing you notice about someone? In a physical sense their smile. I'm drawn to people's mouths for some reason. But in a broader sense the first thing I notice is usually the way they interact with other people.

Eye color? Hazel. I've got this cool ring of orangeish gold around my pupils.

Scary movies or happy endings? Depends on the day. I usually like scary movies though. As long as the ending is satisfying, it doesn't have to be happy for me to have enjoyed the experience.

Any talents? I don't like talking myself up but I am pretty good at acting and singing. Admittedly, I think I'm a better singer now than before my voice dropped from HRT.

Where were you born? Midwest. Minnesota. You're not getting anything closer than that, I shant dox myself.

Hobbies? Art. I draw and have been trying to get back into painting. I also technically do theatre as a hobby currently, since I don't get paid for the performances I'm in. And viddy games :-)

Any pets? I do not legally have pets, at least not in my own home, but I consider my dad's dogs my dogs since I take care of them as much (if not more) than they do lmao. Also one of my mom's dogs is technically mine, since I did pay for him when we got him, but I haven't been able to have pets anywhere I've lived since I moved out so he stays with my momma.

Height? 5'4"... I thought I was 5'5" until I was 18 years old.

Favorite school subject? I liked most science classes in school. The graphic design class I took in high school was fuckin awesome. Currently, though, I'm trying to teach myself to code and I'm enjoying that immensely.

Dream job? Professional acting!! Ideally I'd do live theatre, musical or otherwise. But I think I'd also be happy doing film. I would also be very happy as a live theatre director, though I'd need more experience directing first. I would also love love love to be a part of a professional improv troupe. Because I'm a dweeb. And good at improv.

Now I get to tag people. @genderkiller @gravellymistaken @nilovalentine @thesexiestlobster if you guy wanna do this :-) also anyone else who wants to, this was fun smiles

[twigstarpikachutroll22]

my result:

An Ex-Friend Tries to Get with My Ex-Boyfriend to Spite Me Picture this: you're in a fight with a friend you were really close to, and to get back at you she tries to hook up with your ex the day after the fight started. Little does she know, it backfires, and your ex tells you over lunch while you're both dishing the tea after spring break. Welcome to my life. You know which connections to value, i.e. having your ex as one of your closest friends, but also let some really bad people slip through the walls you have built around your trust. Social cues may be a bit hard for you to read, and you might be a little, or very, mentally ill. Gossiping is your guilty pleasure, and that can be satisfied through talking to others about drama, or even just social media stalking to stay up-to-date on others' lives. You hate text because of the way tone is misconstrued, but you also hate in-person confrontation. Through it all, though, you put yourself first and aren't afraid to acknowledge your own faults. I also have a feeling you're a big partier, and maybe enjoy casual flings. Anyways, take a shot and live your life. YOLO

Actually, I communicate better over text (not phone message app text, I mean like discord messaging). I have time to actually fully think through exactly what I want to say and I don’t have to look at anycreature’s face and get self-conscious. And I don’t do casual flings, I’d rather stab myself than be in any kind of non-platonic relationship at all. The rest checks out though.

my imaginary friend’s result:

Getting Doxxed in a 1300 Person GroupMe Isn't life so fun when revealing photos of yourself get sent to your entire class at school? Isn't it even MORE fun when those photos came from someone who you had a falling out with? But, you see the use in being petty and having revenge. If you're like me, you may have even emailed the kid who did this to you's father, the head of an academic department at this college, to get his child in check. You enjoy slightly manipulative music like "Better Than Revenge" by Taylor Swift, cathartic car rides, and venting on TikTok. But, you also like being holed up in your room to have a wine night and watch a movie, potentially crying alone because emotions are scary to show to people. Maybe you're a Leo or Virgo too, pretending to not like the attention while also eating it up. Either way, you're bad[***] and so strong and don't take any [****]. I <3 you.

She DOES see the use in pettiness and revenge. And she DOES enjoy some music like that. Not venting on tiktok though. And she doesn’t cry alone much. Gemini, not leo or virgo, and she eats up attention without EVER in the LEAST pretending not to like it. Above all else the last part is correct though.

which traumatic college moment are you: me and my best friend edition

https://uquiz.com/quiz/4Wnch5/which-one-of-my-friend-and-is-traumatic-college-moments-are-you

[mack3030]

Pro-paywall trolls emailed my work trying to get me fired.

Trigger/Content Warning: Suicide, self harm Couple of things to note:  1) This didn’t work. My boss 100% understands the situation and only informed me of the email to try to help me know and protect myself.  

2) Got yet another “round” of porn signups to my school email, ironically while I was on my computer working on stuff for classes on my lunch break. It’s funny because there’s literally no way this does anything but waste the time of the person doing it because I’ve already informed the school of the situation. They know what’s going on. They know it’s not me. Nice try though.  I debated long and hard about if I wanted to post this or not, but I decided that the pubic needs to know that this absolute SHIT is going on. I have already forwarded the necessary details to tumblr and am hoping the @staff​ will do the right thing and ban the accounts that have constantly been harassing me by evading my block button.  The irony of this is, that they accuse ME of harrassing, but honestly, I’m not. I’m not trying to get around a block button. If people don’t like what I write, they can block and they’ll never hear from me again. And all of what I write about is reactions to PUBLIC choices that paywall creators make. If they don’t want to deal with comments on their actions, perhaps they shouldn’t be trashy people in public maybe?  COMPARE that with pro-paywall trolls who:  - Make multiple sock puppet accounts to carpet-bomb tag paywall creators with hate messages about me (many of which containing out of context screenshots and select parts of my posts, lies, slander, and flat out strange theories that have no basis in reality). - Tag ME with those sock puppet accounts, then whine when I block them for the right reasons.  - Make NEW sock puppet accounts to tag me again as if the block button didn’t do enough.  - Doxx my information and leak it and photos of ME to others, leading to anon hate comments about my personal appearance, people creating “porn” accounts using my school issued email, and emails to my job trying to get me fired.  I’m only posting the “last” part of their email, which contains the funniest part of all, where they say they will contact the “local news”. Please do. Maybe EA will finally have to get involved, and they can shut y’all down for good. Although I highly doubt that’ll happen, because all you guys are are bullies masquerading as “do-gooders”. You’ll find someone else to harrass under the mask of fighting for “people’s rights”.  And last but not least, a few questions for you (the trolls)  to ponder:  - I have depression. (IDK if you know this...since you seem to know all sorts of OTHER info about me due to doxxing.) If your hateful behavior ends up causing me to do harm to myself, are you okay with that? Thank heavens I’m on meds, because if I wasn’t, I’d be in a really shitty place right now. But if you guys keep this up, I can’t promise what’ll happen. I don’t often speak on it because obviously there’s taboos and stuff related to it, and my depression is not the end-all-be-all of my personality, and I don’t want or need people’s pity. But, you NEVER know what people are dealing with behind the computer screen and how your actions/words will affect their mental health.  - Do you understand that I am only ONE of many who feel the same way? Just because you get rid of one person who’s pro-piracy, and anti-paywall doesn’t mean you’ll get rid of all of us. What is me not posting and not being around going to change? Because I assure you, even if I stop calling people out on their shit, others will. You gonna waste the energy to go after all of them too? Seems like an impossible task. (And btw, you haven’t gotten rid of me yet, nor will you.)  - Are you okay with the damage this is doing to the reputations all of the “paywall” creators you claim to “support”? Because I assure you, paywalls are one thing, but having doxxing attached to you is a whole OTHER thing. And considering that your sock puppet accounts have a whole list of creators you’re constantly tagging, are you sure people won’t start to try to draw a correlation between your clownery and THEM? 

For the others who are reading this, I ask humbly that you PLEASE reblog this to others and let other simmers know what’s going on in our community. Regardless of your stance on paywalls, I’m sure everyone can agree that doxxing someone and sending emails trying to get them fired is a bridge too far regardless of what “side” of the argument you are on. But I’m not going to be silenced. Sorry. I don’t give in to bullies, as I’ve had enough bullying in my life already. 

Also P.S to the trolls, notice how I’m not releasing the (obviously) fake email and name you used to contact my work with? That’s because I’m a decent human being, and I wouldn’t do that to another person, regardless of how much they hurt me. 

[lesbianchemicalplant]

Text of tweet thread by Anthony DellaRosa @ifeelthewind, Jan 4th 2020 [cw: Contrapoints, transphobia, biphobia, doxxing, abuse, harassment, K*w*f*rms, etc. etc. etc. etc.]

Well, it's been a solid two days of waking fucking nightmares, and also the regular kind.

So, let's talk about it. Contra's got me actively fearing for myself, and also for my family (and here's how). Alternate title:

Contra told a *million* people that I "might be" a Nazi who's "just pretending to be trans."

Now, keep in mind, Contra's a relatively wealthy woman with just over 800,000 YouTube subscribers and almost 11,000 paying patrons. Meanwhile, I have 662 Twitter followers and holes in my mouth where teeth used to be.

Anyway, in her video, at 33:35, she quotes a series of three consecutive tweets of mine, starting here.

So, um, I've actually had her blocked for a long, long time. Definitely at least a year. Maybe two.

So, the fact that she was able to see these tweets at all, to begin with, means that she was namesearching *around* my block, specifically trawling for content. Which is a hell of a thing.

Like, I blocked her because over the course of a couple years, her work became just incredibly fucking triggering for me. But she's so fucking omnipresent in pretty much *every* online trans space, it's basically impossible to fully escape her stuff. So, the block was there to give me at least *some* protection against being blindsided? For a while, I also actually muted her name.

But here we are.

Also, I feel like, after a certain point, she must have been watching *me*, very specifically, because, later in the video, she also quotes *this* tweet, which got literally *five* fucking retweets in its *entire* fucking lifetime, and also contains no big, hot, easily searchable keywords. 

I mean, unless she was fucking sitting here, combing through literally *every single fucking mention* of "Olly" or "Philosophytube" or "trans people." Put a pin in that. Anyway, Contra reads my tweets about Buck Angel's famously petty, spiteful act of transphobic violence against Lana Wachowski, which, yes, could have *easily* gotten her killed, and argues that we shouldn't care. In fact, not only should we not care -- we shouldn't even check to see if it's true.

Because that "reminds" her of what "creepy stalkers who hate trans people do." You know, digging through the archives, looking for dirt. But let me remind you, Buck's comments exist in the media because he *sold them to the media*. He deliberately went on a fucking tear through the entire fucking tabloid circuit, eventually reaching as high as Rolling fucking Stone. He "exposed" Lana, very, very publicly, specifically to punish her. *Doing* that is apparently fine, whatever. Be a guest on my fucking YouTube show. Let me gush and gush and *gush* about your fucking "decades" of "good trans activism" (with absolutely no specifics). But *talking* about the actual, historical fact that he *did* do that, a simple acknowledgement of the fucking harm, is abusive and stalker-ish? I'm sorry, *how* did you get to my tweets again? So, immediately after featuring and responding to three of my tweets, she asks the audience,

"How can you tell the difference between a trans anarcho socialist with an anime avatar, and a Nazi *pretending* to be a trans anarcho socialist with an anime avatar?" "Well," she says, "you can't. Anonymous is anonymous is anonymous, whether it's on 4chan or Twitter."

And I'm honestly not sure she's still talking about me at this point? Because literally none of those things apply to me?

1) I don't specifically identify as an anarcho socialist. I don't specifically identify as *any* particular political micro label. I just don't really find it useful.

2) This account has *never* been anonymous. It has *always* had my name on it.

3) This is not an anime avatar. This is something I drew in, like, 2015, when I was playing around with a bunch of different brushes in FireAlpaca.

4) Although I don't use them as my avatar, I *have* posted selfies here.

5) If I *did* use them as my avatar, well, you didn't fucking censor anyone's avatars in this video. Not even the ones that actually *are* real people's actual photos. So, if my face *was* my avatar, you would have just shown my face to a *million* people and counting, *immediately* before saying I might be a Nazi *and* a fake trans person.

You want to talk about abusive, TERF-y tactics? How about that?

How about stalking the tweets of an autistic trans person with 600 followers, screencapping them out of context, broadcasting them to a literal fucking *million* a *million* of your own fucking fans, and telling them all that the autistic trans person is the "real" Nazi and also maybe not even really trans? How about fucking that? Like, I'm not sure if you *are* talking about me, because, factually, all of this is fucking bullshit. But it certainly *sounds* like you're talking about me.

'Cause you haven't changed gears at all. I'm still the last person you quoted, you're still in the same "bit," and you're still responding to the thing I brought up. Like, really, this has two potential outcomes.

a) People take what you're saying at absolute face value and cheer you on as you take down the faceless fake trans person you've turned me into, or

b) They Google the tweets you so, *so* helpfully provided the *full* fucking text for, find my actual Twitter page, and then, whoops, all of a sudden, I have Contra stans on my Twitter page.

Like, let me lay this out. Those tweets in the video have all been up for two months already. They've been up. They've been out there. They've been seen. They're old news, more or less. And, yes, when they were new, I got hate. Yes, I got abuse. Yes, I even got other big YouTubers, reactionary dipshits like Peter Coffin and shoe0nhead, "liking" posts that talked shit about me. (That's why I went ahead and blocked as many of Peter's followers as it would let me).

But nothing like this.

I've been in protected mode for two days straight.

Nothing's ever done that before.

Nothing's ever been that bad.

Not till this.

Not till you.

Did being featured in Contra's video result in a noticeable uptick in abuse and harassment directed my way?

Unmistakably, yes.

And I was soon as I went protected on Twitter, it started flowing over into my Tumblr. And that put me in the position of wondering where it was going to stop. Were they going to get my phone number? My address? My work?

Fun thoughts.

Fun, fun things I have to live with now. She closes out this segment by telling me, or this hypothetical thing she's created adjacent to me,

"Shut up and go back to K*w*f*rms, where you belong."

So.

Let me tell you.

I've never checked, because I know I wouldn't be able to handle if it I did, but I wouldn't be surprised if K*w*f*rms actually *had* a page about me.

I don't *know*. I don't *want* to know. But I wouldn't be super fucking surprised. [cw: suicide]

I'm autistic. I'm trans. I've always been *very* online, growing up, and for pretty much my entire fucking life (at least for the chunk of it that I can actually remember), I've had groups of people trying to goad me into suicide. I've seen whole fucking group chats where they fucking plan it.

So, yeah. I wouldn't be surprised. If I didn't have one before, I probably fucking do now. Oh, and then she notes,

"I'm saying this in the c*ntiest way. And they deserve it! They deserve the c*ntiness!" Gosh, I wonder why my DMs across two sites are full of abuse right now. Anyway, I can feel myself fading fast.

I might come back and talk about that Olly thing we put a pin in later.

Or I might just go on protected again.

We'll see how this shakes out. 

The fucking disgusting hypocrisy of Natalie Wynn of all people saying “Shut up and go back to K*w*f*rms, where you belong” when she by her own admission was raised on 4chan’s /lgbt/

As the linked facebook post summarizes:

“You want to talk about cancel culture and online mobs and disposability?Then let's talk about how ContraPoints just sicced days of harassment and stalking on a low profile trans person with no power, no money, no fame, and said something that will only certainly result in them getting a dedicated KiwiF page. She's going to get someone fucking killed (if she hasn't already)”

[little-red-toyota]

Final good bye to the fandom

TW//Trauma, triggers, nsfw, sexual themes, rape, domestic abuse e.g.

This is gonna be a long ass post…

It has taken me a while to get emotionally strong enough to do this, as I will have to think back at some traumatic events from my past to address some of these things. That's why I waited until I got home from vacation with my family, as it will seriously affect my mood and mental health, and I want to be near my doctor and therapist, just in case.

And also, I know that the majority of those reading this will invalidate me and tell me I am making things up to clear my name. So, I literally have to torment myself to write a blog post people will just brush off as bogus anyway. But I will do it now that I am in safe surroundings. Then it will be off my chest, and I can finally move on. If people will continue stirring up the past, it will be their problem, not mine.

I think I should write one last blog post where I address everything. I have left the TTTE-fandom, but I will write that one as my final goodbye to the fandom. I just have to find out everything I've been accused of so I can properly address them all in order. I might leave out details of my life that is too hard for me to open up about. I know most of you will just invalidate me anyway.

1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

2. My mafia-AU.

3. The Darin incident.

4. Being a pedophile. (Where do they get this from anyway??)

5. Running the NSFW-blog.

6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

Is there more?

Ah... yes! Faking my own suicide, of course!

7. "Faking" being suicidal.

8. Having the audacity to survive and go on living.

9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

Anything else that needs to be addressed? What else am I being accused of? Send me a dm and I will add it to the post.

 Okay, I will bump the Stepney fic down a bit as it is the most traumatic thing for me to address, I will save that one for last.

2 and 3. The dark au/mafia au where I gave some TTTE characters some rather dark and unpleasant character traits, and the whole incident with Darin and the pedo-Salty was addressed in this blog post written by my husband last year, so I am not opening that can of worms again: https://little-red-toyota.tumblr.com/post/623743183795470336/in-light-of-recent-events

Even the thing about Toby cheating on Henrietta is addressed there.

As for the au, I never fully explored it as I started losing interest in TTTE around the same time. I found other things to enjoy and TTTE faded into the background and the au was dropped before I even wrote any stories, apart from the one about Toby and Henrietta.

Some people claim, like this lovely individual, that most of the characters were rapists and pedos. No, not most. Only one of each. And I did not write more than one story about rape and suicide. Where does this person even get that from? Someone who told someone who had heard from someone who might have heard….?

Don't spread rumors unless you are sure that they are true.

Anyway, it's all addressed in that blog post in that link. I don't see how this mafia au is any worse than other dark post-apocalyptic or violent aus. It mostly was about the diesel mafia and their illegal businesses, not about sex, even if it did occur now and then. I find the substance abuse in it to be more problematic tbh…  

 4. Being a pedophile.

I don't even know how to defend myself against this one, as I don't even know why people think I am pedophile. They only throw the accusation out with no backing evidence, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it is that makes people think I am one.

Apart from one claim that I had faved "porn" alongside "strangers'" baby photos on DA. I addressed that earlier though. As DeviantArt doesn't sort what you click "like" on, it all ends up in the same folder unless you actively go through it and sort it into categories, which I don't bother most of the time. It also doesn't say WHEN it was added to your faves. So, I can have faved an artistic nude on Saturday, and then faved my friend's family photo on Thursday. It's not like I actively search for porn, get all steamed up and then look at pictures of children. WTF.

The few children I have faved are not from complete strangers, but long-term friends of mine. Yes, it is possible to have friends on the same website. I have actually met a lot of my RL friends through DeviantArt. I posted photos of my daughter when she was a baby, they would fave it and congratulate me. So, I did the same when they had a baby. As simple as that. Nothing weird or perverted about it. Due to people doxxing me last year however, I deleted the photos of me, my husband and my daughter from DeviantArt, so it's no longer there.

Porn isn't allowed on DeviantArt anyway. The nudes there are so-called artistic nudes, and for the most part I use them as pose-references when I draw as it is easier to draw a pose using a nude base and then dress them up once you got the pose right.

"The very naked" centaurs I have faved. Well, I like the mythological creature Centaur. And as far as I know… they do not wear clothes, so how are they NOT nude? Look it up, it's a horse body with a human torso instead of horse head. I don't see them as sexual, but what do I know? Maybe YOU do?

I have no sexual interest in children whatsoever.

 5. Running the NSFW-blog on Tumblr and Twitter.

Yes. I was one of six people modding that blog. ONE of six, so I refuse to take the full blame here.

MerciResolution has openly admitted to being the founder, and she recruited me and some others to modify as the confession load became too heavy for one person to handle alone.

The original blog on Tumblr worked as follows: People would anonymously send a confession to our askbox, we would add a picture (sometimes photoshopped) to the text and post it on the blog. Always tagged as NSFW and with proper trigger warnings if necessary! The blog itself was also marked as explicit, so it didn't appear in searches and such.

For us, this blog was nothing but a joke. We did it for shits and giggles. If anyone took it seriously and thought we got off to the stuff that was posted, we apologize for that, but to us it was just for laughs. And we DID laugh a lot, you guys should have seen the weird shit people sent us sometimes!

We had fun and we never thought anyone would take it seriously, so we never thought of writing "joke" in the description or anything. It never occurred to us that it could be anything but a joke.

We also made a Twitter account for it, also locked for minors. But it was quickly hacked, and someone changed the password so we could no longer access it. We made another account and forgot about the old one…

After a while, the original mods started losing interest and the blog (both on Tumblr and Twitter) became less active. That's when a person I had known for years, and wrongfully trusted, came forward and wanted to take over ownership. So, the ownership was handed over to Russalita/Charlie.

That turned out to be huge mistake!

Me and the other mods had more or less forgotten that the blogs existed, when suddenly someone started bashing me and getting up in my arms over it. I got seriously confused as I hadn't been active on it in almost a year. But as it turned out, Russalita had removed the mature filters and made the accounts open for all the see. Even minors.

And as people knew I was one of the mods, they fired their guns at me. I can see why though, so I'm not pointing any fingers here.

I tried contacting her by phone, asking her to lock the accounts again, but she gave me a less than polite response, hung up and then blocked my number…

So, I decided to try to shut the blogs down on my own, trying the old passwords. It worked on the Tumblr-account, and I managed to password protect it, for some reason it couldn't be fully deleted. But the Twitter account had gotten its password changed by Russalita. I was however able to get a new password by logging into the e-mail we had used to create it. I deleted the Twitter blog fully. It can't be re-activated even if we wanted to. It's gone.

But it turns out the old, hacked one is still up and now open for everyone. And this one poses a huge problem as we have no way of getting into it to delete it. Only thing we have been able to do so far is reporting it and hope it will be removed by Twitter. So I only have one thing to say about it: report it.

I am no longer running any NSFW TTTE blog anywhere, nor do I have interest in doing so. So, if you come across one, claiming to be me or any of the other mods, it is false.

 6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

People seem to believe I have drawn genitals on trains. I have never done such. Any art on the NSFW-blog with genitalia on the trains were sent in by confessors and was not drawn by me. Most of them seems to have been drawn by someone who goes by the name "The Lance".

I HAVE drawn things for the NSFW blog, but there were no genitalia in those drawings. I drew Frank of Arlesdale looking grossed out by (I don't know what the part is named in English, but it is connected to the brakes of the engine) that stick-like thing on his bufferbeam being wet from whatever the confessor did to him. I drew an over-exaggerated comical pic of a horrified Peter Sam getting his face licked by his driver, who had an enormous tongue. I also did a couple of manips. Mostly maniping engine faces on humans, like the one where Gordon's face is on a less than fit guy flailing his shirt around, and the Arlesdale smallies' faces on a movie poster from Magic Mike. One with Mr.Conductor in a giant bun while Pinchy is applying ketchup on him, for a confession about eating him, I think?  I've done some more, but I forgot what it was, I only know I loved making them comical rather than erotic, as I saw the blog as a joke overall.

I HAVE also drawn aheago faces on engines because it looks hilarious. Though I have only drawn them on my OCs and the NRS engines, not TTTE characters.

Point is I have never drawn genitalia on trains. Ever. And I likely never will. It's not THAT much fun drawing NSFW stuff.

I see from this screenshot that a certain MK-Instrumentalist claim that all my personal art is age-regression art and infantilism…

Whose art have you been looking at? Because it's definitely not mine. I have drawn a couple of baby/chibi diesels… But claiming that all of my 700 or so artworks are depicting infantilism and age-regression stuff? I suggest people go have a look for themselves. I haven't drawn that. That MK-guy has been desperately trying to cancel me for ages for reasons only himself know. I don't even know the guy, and he doesn't know me, yet he wants to see me beheaded. Go figure.

I was for a long time bothered by some age-regressor on Tumblr who just wouldn't leave me alone with their weird asks, who tried to force themselves on me and some other artists here. They claim age-regression isn't a fetish, but the shit they sent to my askbox certainly looked like a fetish to me.

I don't want anything to do with that stuff. It weirds me out.

And no. I have never drawn pedophilia or rape art either. This guy can't even make up his mind on which one to accuse me of.

 7 and 8. Faking suicide and having the audacity to survive and go on living.

As many know, after the intense shitstorm against me last summer, thanks to Darin, I attempted suicide. I didn't succeed as my husband came home early. I was gone for a few days but returned when a young boy reached out to me for help as he was being groomed and didn't know who else to turn to.

Recently I saw a screenshot where someone claimed me to have faked suicide, and that I just came back after a few days when everything had died down.

Wow.

I am truly sorry I survived.

I don't remember much from those days to be honest, but as the load became too heavy and the bullying too intense, piling up on 30 years of old trauma… I decided to end it. I must warn you guys who might get triggered now; there are detailed descriptions of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution. People told me I was a bad mother among other things, having had those same thoughts myself (according to my husband, I am a good mom) and people just confirming them, I thought that my daughter would be better off growing up without me. I could have chosen a more effective suicide method, but I was afraid my daughter would be the first to find me, so I wanted it to be clean and look like I was just sleeping. That way it could be explained as natural causes.

So, I decided to overdose on pills. I downed all pills I could find in the house that had a warning triangle on it (strong pain meds etc.) and then went to my computer to delete my online existence, especially the personal data.

As a former paramedic, I should have known better. Because after half an hour, my body started reacting. But not the way I had hoped and wanted. I started retching and almost vomiting. That's when my husband came home from work and found me. He immediately saw the empty packages and knowing my past suicidal tendencies, he reacted instinctively. He put his fingers down my throat and had me puke everything up, then he called an ambulance and had me admitted to the hospital.

I don't remember anything from the days I spent there. But I have been told they emptied my stomach and gave me lots of fluids. I was then assigned a psychiatrist which I am still seeing today.

I was gone for those days because I was in hospital, not because I was pulling some kind of trick and pretending to have ended myself.

So… I am sorry I "faked" my suicide.

I'm sorry my husband saved me. I am sorry the medics and doctors succeeded in saving my life.

I am sorry I survived and proceeded to live on. If I ever make another attempt, I promise to do better.

Why are you guys so persistent in trying to push people to suicide anyway? Do you get a kick out of it? Why do people have to be pushed to that point before you care?

What did we tell our daughter? Simply that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. She took that well.

I've seen a lot of people wonder why I am still around. Why shouldn't I? Does my daughter deserve to lose her mother over some online crap she doesn't even know about? I owe her to live and watch her grow up, to help her with her homework and whatever else a parent needs to do. I also owe my husband to stay by his side, like I promised him the day we got married. Even if I do not wish to live.

I'm sorry I survived, guys. Really, I am.

 9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it. And 1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

 First… why would anyone make up trauma? It's not like it's a competition to have the worst life, is it?

Sadly, I don't have to make up anything. My life HAS been rocky up until the birth of my daughter. I have been through so much trauma I couldn't even fathom it myself before my therapist listed it all up to me. Until then, I had just been casually talking to her about it, like I would talk about the weather. I didn't cry or get in touch with my emotions even once while telling everything, because I was taught from an early age to never complain, to suck it up and go on. So, no matter what people did to me, I would just smile and go on, even if it killed me inside. I did not want to show any sign of weakness, because then they would attack me. A habit I developed through years of being bullied in school. Never show feelings, just pretend nothing could hurt you, then they would eventually grow tired of it and stop.

Except they never did. They kept going through all my years at school. To such an extent, my boyfriend didn't dare to show himself hanging out with me out of fear of being bullied himself… And as we grew older, he would start cheating on me too. And I kept smiling…

My next boyfriend was a bit older than me, and while that didn't bother me, as we were both well over legal age, it bothered him. We only lasted one year before he bailed out and ditched me out of the blue via an sms.

The next guy… was the one who scarred me for life. Both physically and mentally. A charmer at first of course, until I was trapped. He was unemployed, so he moved in with me, and I paid for everything from food to phone bills. All while he was dating several women behind my back, calling various pay-phone services and in general acted like a manwhore. As I worked as an electrician (also being subject to massive bullying and sexual harassment at work), he would be jealous of all my co-workers and if I ever came home late or worked overtime, he accused me of cheating and was extremely violent about it. He would also isolate me from my friends and family, making me think I couldn't get any other than him. If any of my male friends (almost all my friends are male…) came over, he would give me such hell afterwards, it was easier just to tell them it was a bad time to visit. And after a while, they stopped asking. This guy also demanded sex. Every single day. If I refused, he would punish me, mostly by flogging me with lampcords, belts or whatever else he had at hand. My back is a criss cross map of old, faded scars even now nearly 20 years later. I would have shown you a photo, but I am so self-concious about my body after all the bullying, I hardly even show my face in photos. Maybe one day… but I certainly need more therapy before being able to show naked skin to strangers, even if it's just my back. So I had non-consensual sex with him more often than consensual. It has taken me hours in therapy to even take the word in my mouth and call it by its proper name: rape. I was raped, almost every single day for little over a year, before I found the strength to break out of the relationship and finally throw him out of my house. It all ended when I found some revealing texts on his cellphone, which he was extremely protective of… Texts that revealed that he had engaged in a relationship with a 12 year old girl, and it had been going on for a while. Not only was he cheating on me, but he was a pedophile too. Needless to say, I didn't even let him pack his stuff before I fetched my shotgun and chased him out of the house. I don't know where I got the courage and strength from… but I was furious.

I thought I had gotten rid of him, but no. He started stalking me in public. Hiding behind shelves when I was shopping, his car following mine everywhere I went. I received weird letters in the mail with cut-out letters from newspapers, glued together. On top of all, his creepy, old uncle called me with some rather disgusting suggestions and tried to come on to me really hard. I had to change my phone number, and after coming home to my house and finding out someone had entered my home using a key, only to empty the drawer of my night table, I also had to change the locks of my doors as he had clearly copied the key.

He didn't stop until I got the police involved.

So, when I finally met the guy who would become my husband (or rather, we found out we were made for each other, we had known each other since we were 11 years old), I had major trust issues towards men especially and it took him endless patience and love to break me out of that shell.

But the trauma doesn't stop… or start there.

In the year 2000, on January 4th, I would experience something that made me unable to even look at a train for over 10 years. The Åsta accident (google it). I was a volunteer in the Norwegian Red Cross then, and a paramedic in training. Back then, you were allowed to start training the year you would turn 16. So, I was still 15 when I witnessed the most traumatic event of my life. The day started out calm, we were stocking up the ambulance after delivering a patient to the hospital when we got a call with the code "500", which means "catastrophe". Normally when we get that code it is a rehearsal… so we drove towards the coordinates with the thoughts that this was just an exercise, nothing real… we didn't prepare ourselves mentally… And we ended up in the closest thing to hell I have ever been… The sight of the burning trains, the smells, the sounds, the screaming… I still wake up by nightmares to this day. Though the moment that haunts me the most is when the screaming stopped… because we all knew why… I don't want to go into details, but 19 people died that day. But we also saved 67 people. I try to hold on to that thought. The age limit for starting paramedic training was raised after this, as I wasn't the only one who was too young for an accident of that scale. Today it is 18. A memorial stone has been placed on the site, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to visit it, even if we drive past the site every year on our way to visit family further north in the country. I needed hours of therapy to even be able to ride a train after this. To have gotten to the point where I now volunteer at a heritage railway and is in training to become a driver, is a HUGE step for me. My next goal is to visit the site of the accident.

On to next trauma… A previous employer, a rather large electric company in Norway, whom I worked for 8 years. The first five years were great, we were a close-knit bunch of electricians, and we had a great relationship with the bosses and higher-ups. Our labor union was strong.

It all started changing in 2009 when we got new leaders… and those decided to get rid of everyone who were a member of the union. One by one, they started harassing workers in various ways, trying to get them to quit. In Norway, they need a legal reason to fire you, it's not enough to not like someone. There has to be a good reason to fire someone e.g. theft, neglecting work… Since they didn't have any reasons to fire us, they started making our work lives gradually harder and harder until we would break and find another job. Sadly, one of my co-workers couldn't stand the pressure… He bid us all farewell as normal one Friday and hung himself the following day.. But as I was a girl in a male-dominated profession, I had been taught at an early stage to ignore anything that would hurt me emotionally, just arch my neck and plow through. I kept doing that, despite starting to feel more and more mental and physical pains… even my co-workers pointed out how I was being mistreated before I acknowledged it myself. I tried to tell my boss, but he reacted by treating me worse. So, I went to his boss… and that's when things went to hell. Instead of doing his job and listen, he started harassing me too. He deemed my over-weight a problem, and he started demanding I gave him detailed lists of what I ate and how much I worked out… Completely illegal of course, but by this point I was broken down to the point I thought I was useless and couldn't get another job… so I accepted. He started accusing me of lying about my exercise, so I started training at the gym in the basement at work instead. One day, while I was there, he locked the doors and turned the lights off. There were no windows, no cellphone reception and hardly anyone walking by in that part of the building… I sat there in the pitch dark for 3 hours before I was let back out. I still get badly triggered by narrow, dark rooms and rooms with no windows. To such an extent, I jumped out of a small window on the second floor of a gym when I was in boot camp. I was allowed to train downstairs in the bigger gym with windows on all walls after that incident…

The harassment at work went on for years until I finally snapped, ended up at the hospital and got into therapy for the first time. I don't want to go into depth about what more happened, I just can't… I can't bring myself to write it all. Luckily, I had gotten more education while working, so when I graduated, another company called and gave me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So, I quit my job and never looked back, even if the traumas I suffered there still haunts me to this day.

Sadly, even after switching jobs, now getting a safe job with sane leaders… I started to relax, and that's when all my past trauma came washing over me. And one day, on while driving to work, I had my first serious panic attack. It started as this feeling I used to have at the old company; getting sick to my stomach and having the sense of someone being out to get me… then it developed to breathing problems… and I had to pull the car over. I broke into tears, struggling to breathe, stumbling out of the car to read the logo on its side just to reassure my body and brain that I worked for a different company now and there was no reason for panic. I called my boss and let him know, because he also was a "refugee" from that other company, so he knew what me and several others had gone through. He managed to talk me down enough for me to come to the office to talk to him. That helped.

I got back into therapy. A better therapist this time. But sadly, it got apparent that I could no longer work as an electrician as there was too many triggers. I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and social anxiety. I'm still working on these and get better slowly.

I have been in therapy for a long time now, and it was my therapist that suggested I wrote fics to cope and "write it out". I tried to make up my own characters for this, but never felt any connection. I was by this time in the TTTE fandom and had met people with similar trauma and pasts like myself, and I started roleplaying with some of them. Me and a girl from UK then agreed to try to rp/co-write a fic to cope with our trauma. We both found it easier to write about pre-established characters we had a connection to, even if it was an au that made it barely recognizable from the original source material. Only the names and some minor things were similar.

That fic was Stepney's Virginity Gets Lost.

Do we regret writing it? No. It helped us write out our traumas and helped us overcome some mental obstacles in out therapy process. Our therapists cheering us on, because we finally managed to break through the hard shell surrounding us. We both cried for the first time in years while writing it, some of it through roleplay, because some parts were extremely graphic and brutal and very mentally exhausting. We had to take long breaks between each writing session, so the fic wasn't written in just a weekend. But we got a lot of darkness out of our minds by writing all this. And we were definitely NOT aroused by it, like this pervert here claims.

It's when you dare to touch and feel the difficult and dark emotions, you can finally move along in the grieving process.

Should it have been posted online?

In retrospect, no. But at the time, we thought it might help other trauma victims, as we also found reading about other people's experiences and fictions touching painful subjects helpful to ourselves. So, we posted it, never expecting it to cause such a controversy 3 years later. In fact, we had more or less forgotten about it until it came back to bit us in the ass. Or rather, bite ME in the ass, as I am getting the full blame alone.

Also, despite what people claim, it was not posted openly for children to read. It was tagged properly and hidden behind mature content walls. If a minor chooses to break that wall, that's not the author's fault. It's the same as watching a movie with an age restriction way above your age, not the filmmaker's fault.

I think MerciResolution puts it nicely here:

"If your problem lies with you KNOWINGLY entering adult spaces when you’re a minor, ignoring all mature warnings that are literally SCREAMING at you “hey, this is what you’re getting into. Are you sure you want to proceed?”

That’s ENTIRELY on you. YOU are the fucking problem.

We’re marking mature things as best as we properly can. If you decide to ignore them, that’s your own damn fault. We’re not your fucking babysitters."

Also, I never posted the story on Wattpad, so if anyone has done that, it's not me. I posted the story on Fanfiction.net, DeviantArt and AO3, that's all. If it's posted anywhere else, it's not done by me.

I had honestly moved on from it when people pulled me back into it.

Other people who have done questionable shit in that fandom are easily forgiven because "they have moved on" or "changed". Yet, nobody believes I can move on or change…?

I had moved on; my interests had changed. But people won't let me, so here I am… Having to defend some crap I did years ago. A fic I no longer have any interest in.

I'm not even interested in TTTE anymore. I have moved on with my own book project now and I would like to focus on that.

So, deleting my TTTE content, whether it was the SFW or NSFW stuff, didn't cost me a penny. It actually felt like a relief. The only downside with it is that people now can't read it and make up their own opinion about it, but will solely believe in what others say, and those things are often seriously bent out of shape and blown out of proportions to such an extent it's barely recognizable.

If people claim that Arry and Bert rape Stepney in the fic, they have never seen it or read it. That's not what happens. That's just an assumption made by looking at the title and knowing there is a rape/torture scene in it. But I'm not gonna tell who the victim is or who performed it, because this is the only way I am able to tell who has actually read the fic or not, who is just trying to spread bullshit and who is actually telling the truth. The person in that screenshot, has no idea what he's talking about.

Does SVGL romanticize rape and abuse?

No, not in the least. It's described as the horrible, heinous acts it is and is in no way meant to be cute or romantic and definitely NOT something anyone should get off to. If anyone finds it sexy, that's their problem, not the authors'. If anything, SVGL might romanticize suicide, because one of the characters isn't able to cope with his trauma and chooses to end their life. Which is something I considered doing myself when I was in the darkest pit of depression. So, I apologize for maybe romanticizing suicide. The following chapters describe how friends and family handle the loss and grief.

It also describes a toxic relationship, where one of the parts struggles to get out of it. They eventually manage to break free, but it is not easy. This can easily be translated to my previously mentioned relationship, as it was my way of writing out my experience about how hard it is to break out of a relation when your partner has broken you down to the point where you no longer believe in yourself and your self-worth.

The last chapters start to gradually become brighter, as both our lives started getting better too. But we never really wrote the end because we both lost interest in writing TTTE content by that time and just left it hanging.

I'm not the only one who has written NSFW TTTE fanfics out there. But it seems like violence and murder is more acceptable than sexual things? I do wonder how brutally mutilating children's show characters are more tolerable than sexually abusing them. Neither should be okay.

Some content creators hide behind "it was a joke". I have been told that such topics that SVGL touches upon shouldn't be joked about… so I didn't do that, and yet it was wrong? So how should such topics be treated? Be hidden like it's a shame, like in the old days when rape victims were told to suck things up and keep it to themselves? When those subject to abuse didn't dare to speak up because people would judge them?

I think it is important to talk about these subjects and why they are so problematic. Victims shouldn't have to hide their trauma; they should be allowed to talk openly about it without fearing judgement.

Some of you claim that writing isn't a good way to cope… You're trying to dictate how trauma victims deal with their trauma, and that's a dangerous path to walk down. Nobody handles trauma the same way. You might have your thoughts on how you would react, but you'll never know until trauma hits you… and you might not react the way you had expected or planned. Trauma messes with your head and you won't be able to think clearly. It makes you do thinks you normally wouldn't have done and can make you act out of character. So, do not judge people without having been in the same situation yourself. Ever.

Someone wrote that I have "more problems that just a rape".

Read that again.

Just a rape.

This person does not know how damaging a rape can be. And if you made it this far in this post, you know I didn't only go through one, but several. Not just by my ex, but also being ambushed while I was walking home from a party, and later; a co-worker forcing himself onto me at a building site. I can't go into depth about them all, I just can't.

Just a rape…

"Just" the feeling of not being in control of your own body and your own decisions. "Just" being robbed off your dignity and self-worth. "Just" having someone intrude into your private zone, tear your clothes off and claim your body against your will. "Just" feeling how your life force leave you as you realize that fighting against it won't help you, and you silently give up and just lay down waiting for it all to be over. "Just" spending hours in the shower, scrubbing your skin until you bleed because you can't wash the filth away and you keep feeling dirty no matter how much you clean yourself. "Just" waking up at night, after having relived the scene again in a nightmare. "Just" looking over your shoulder wherever you walk because you heard something or thought you saw something or simply because someone is walking behind you. "Just" the fact that you'll never feel comfortable walking alone at night again or have someone walk behind you. "Just" never being able to relax because your body constantly think you're in grave danger. "Just" a rape…

That's such a neck-beard thing to say. Someone who clearly think of other people's bodies as property or things. Not taking into consideration that we are living, breathing individuals with feelings. And that having another person violate us isn't something we like or that we'll easily get over. We want to choose who we give ourselves to, nobody should be forced. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't want it. We didn't like it.

Rape is trauma.

Yes, we should have chosen other characters for the story, but we did what we did, and it cannot be undone now. So, if the only thing I will be remembered for in the fandom is that ONE fic, instead of all my other content, that's what it will be. That's what people chose to. I'm moving on.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

*sigh*

This is something that could only happen in America, isn't it?

Some people don't bother educating themselves. The "nazi-letters" you guys are talking about is actually part of the Norwegian alphabet and has nothing to do with Nazism or white-supremacy to do at all. The Norwegian alphabet has 29 letters, the three extra is æ,ø,å or in capital letters: Æ,Ø,Å.

We can't help it if some morons over in the US abuse these letters as symbol of their twisted mindset.

Yes, my name contains one of those letters. It is my name… and I didn't choose it. It is a common Norwegian name.

As for me being a Nazi?

Those who knows me knows that I am as far from a Nazi as one can get. I despise Nazism with all my heart.

But the reason some people choose to believe so… was that some guy who has no hobbies or life went through every single fave I've made on DeviantArt since I joined the site in 2006, which is well over 20000 faves. And he found a few Nazi-characters from a web series I was following about ten years ago. I am very interested in history and especially WW2-history, so I found that particular web-series interesting and faved some artwork related to it. What this guy failed to notice is that I also faved the Allied characters… That's ALL there is to that story.

I has also faved a pic someone made of Joseph Goebbels (I think it was?) as a Pixar Car. That's not because I have any nazi-sympathies, but I simply found the concept of turning historical persons, both good and bad, into Cars as an interesting project. I would have faved any other historical Carsified person as well.

As for me being a Norwegian and have a natural pale complexion, that's not something I can help. That's nothing I choose. And it doesn't make me racist or Nazi. Period.

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

Again. Get educated.

This flag… is the actual flag of my country. The Kingdom of Norway.

There is nothing Nazi about it. It is not a symbol of white-supremacy. IT IS THE FLAG OF NORWAY.

During WW2 it was even illegal, so people would paint it everywhere in a protest against the Nazi-occpation and the SS. We even decorated our Christmas trees with it, and that is a tradition that has followed us into the modern day.

Again, if some idiots in the US choose to use it as a symbol for their disgusting logic, it is not Norway or the Norwegians' fault.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

I need people to elaborate here.

What exactly do you think I do to my daughter? What is the cause of your concern here?

The fact that I have made NSFW content? How is that harmful to her as long as I keep it away from her? You DO realize that even authors, pornstars and moviemakers have children and that they can be good parents, right?

Do you think I read pornographic content for her as bedtime stories? Or show her porn instead of kids TV? How sick are you guys, really…?

Some people even wanted CPS to take my child away from me… Have a look at these screenshots…

You want a happy, healthy, innocent child to be taken away from a stable, safe home with loving parents just because you don't like the content the mother made? You want her to be placed in foster care, where there is no guarantee that she will have a happy upbringing rather than have her stay with her parents who love her and care for her, for reasons she'll never understand and wasn't even aware of?

"Think of the children!" a lot of you say when it comes to my content. May I ask why this doesn't apply to my daughter?

Why do some of you go as far as to wishing her dead or wanting her to be removed from the home she feels safe and loved in? How is that thinking of the children?

As for the douchebag in that screenshot. You claim that if your mother did something like that you would want nothing to do with her… I have a question: Do you know EVERYTHING your mother do? Does she include you in each aspect of her life? Even her sexual life? No?

How do you know she doesn't do thing you don't approve of when you're not around? She could be a rabid pornmag reader for all you know. But stuff like that is something adults hide from their kids. So, you wouldn't know, unless you go snooping around in her business.

Everyone is entitled to privacy. What I and my husband do when our kid is not around is our business, not hers, and certainly not yours.

Porn and parenting are to be kept separate from each other. Period.

And we do.

There is absolutely no reason to be worried about my daughter. She is a happy, healthy child in a safe, stable home with family that loves her and cares for her. Not just me and my husband, but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

If you want to remove her from that over a stupid fanfic behind a mature content wall, you're the deranged person, not me.

 This is all I have to say about all this and my time in the TTTE fandom. I have left by my own, free will. Yes, I am aware that many people don't want me there. That's fine. I don't want to be there.

I am a bit disappointed in those people who just blindly unfollowed me and unfriended me without any questions asked, just followed the leader. Big users tend to dictate who and what is worth following in that fandom. They will even protect real predators, but I'm not going to open that can of worms now. I'm done with the fandom.

Some of those people, I have been talking to regularly, even supported when they faced hardships in the fandom themselves. But when I got in trouble, they ditched me without a word…

If anything, this whole ordeal showed me who to trust and not, and who were true to their word when it came to how deep our friendship was. True friends at least give you the chance to explain before they drop you. I hold no ill feelings to those who did, at least they asked me before judging.

And those who still stayed with me, are the ones who truly know me and who I really am.

Some of the worst libels posted about me might be reported to the police, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I am not mentally strong at the moment, so I don't know if I have the strength to legally follow it all up. I will ask the cops at work for advice on the matter.

All I ask for now is some peace.

You don't have to like me. You don't have to follow me. You don't have to like my content. Feel free to invalidate me, I know a lot of you will.

But please, stop bullying me and my family.

Please stop sending me horrid messages and death threats.

Please stop doxxing me and calling me.

Please leave my family alone. If you don't care about me, at least care about them.

Please just ignore me. I have already left the fandom, there is no reason to keep hunting me.

I just want to move on and go on with my life and the content I am currently working on. After years in therapy, my life has gotten better, and I want to move on.

Please let me.

[isitandwonder]

Anon from mrchalamet-mrstyles. I'll quote him directly, from an interview at the 2018 BAFTA Tea Party, "I shot a film in LA this past year for like 3-4 months and I had a base all of a sudden. In a way LA's always felt very off the ground for me so I have a lot of gratitude for Armie and Elizabeth." I believe he said more about this in other interviews but as you know there were probably hundreds and my memory isn't that good so I wouldn't know where to look. (cont...)

I didn't say he was an unknown. But he had 6000 Twitter follows in August 2017 and now he has 1.4 million. It's apples and oranges. At that time, Armie was the more famous, more followed of the two and therefore the one that was billed first despite not being the lead etc. Even if he had his family and Kiernan, there is plenty of evidence he spent a lot of time with the Hammers and friends and he has been openly appreciative of it. (Cont...) 

He was there a lot. The pasta moment you mentioned. The pajama party with the kids. Getting ready for an event at the Sunset Tower Hotel. Elizabeth feeding him milkshakes to help him regain weight from BB. Ford's birthday party that he was late to. Whenever the pistachio shells moment was. Timothee said he must annoy them because he likes to randomly turn up at their home. We have photo evidence of most of this. I'm confused as to why constantly invoking Armies wife would be a promo tactic. 

As for the Russian, I don't understand why that matters? I doubt Timmy was aware of this considering he often spoke about what a great husband Armie was. So it wouldn't have affected how he felt about their home then and there. Sure there are alternative reasons. The same could be said for any of his friendships. But at the end of the day, I think back to his speech about Armie in Austin and dont see any way that what he expressed there wasn't genuine affection and gratitude. But you do you. 

I just don't understand why my initial ask caused you to feel the need to counter it. I paraphrased something that he said. We don't know what's actually in his brain, the same can be said for when he's talking about Cudi. It was a small movie with a tiny budget that had excellent reviews and Oscar buzz from day 1. It's not Marvel. The only people stalking Elizabeth's Instagram for content were the ones that were already going to see the movie. I'm sorry if me appreciating their bond bothers you

 ---------- 

 Hey, anon, thank you for switching over here. And thank you for staying civil. Why did I write a comment? I mean, you posted a question to @mrchalamet and so I guess you wanted a discussion. And you got that. Isn't that why we are all here, to discuss, to speculate? 

You are right, maybe I overreacted re your ask and you got something you didn't deserve and I thought you implied something you didn't. Let me just tell you where I come from: Usually, when someone praises T&A together, it ends up with more or less 'And they are so in love, have been for years, and are fucking for real now. Die if you think otherwise, homophobe.' Experiencing that attitude around a lot might explain - not necessarily excuse - why I might have read something into your ask that wasn't there (and I don't mean the fucking bit, I mean the death wishes for people who don't see it). 

Let me say now, I don't think their friendship was all played up. They liked each other. But it was played up to some extent imo. So, yes, Tim was there, but what does base mean? And of course as this is their chosen narrative, they stick to it because none of them is interested in making public a rift or a cooling off of their friendship when it helped (re)launch both their careers. (Armie might have been more famous back then, but not necessarily successful, but Tim was rising, without 2 major flops around his neck; Armie was rather down when CMBYN happened and I think that was one of the reasons he took it on - nothing to lose).

 Again, you are right, we know nothing for certain about their firendship now, it's only, we don't see much of it lately. That can mean they keep it private now or that it dried up. Rn I'm team dried up. But that is of course just speculation. And we can now debate back and forth what base means and how often he's been there and why these things were posted at the time and who was there when... But let me play advocatus diaboli: Their friendship, interactions and Tim staying over at the Hammers lasted roughly the same time as awards season. There is a logical explanation because then they worked together to do promo, cheap promo, precisely, for an indie movie. What is cheaper than curating a friendship on sm? It doesn't cost as much as ads in EW. And it worked because even GQ 'shipped' them... so their friendship (with implications for more) worked very well for CMBYN. Just saying. It could have been genuine, could have been played up and curated, could have been a mixture of both. (I tend to played up; Tim has other firends but they all vanished from view while Armie was put in the spotlight during that time. Tim was with a friend in Paris beginning of 2018 for the Haider show, but you didn't see that; but you saw him A LOT with Armie at professional events, them talking about how good pals they were). 

Just going by what I see - and again, I'm aware I'm not seeing all - we got shown less and less content of them both together after CMBYN promo ended. And that makes me think... I never quite got what they had in common apart from working together anyway (10 years apart, Armie married with kids, Tim just finding his footing), so there has for a long time been a bit of doubt re how close they really were. 

As a shipper, I played their closeness up myself. Now, seeing where this shipping ended up - harrassing Liz, Lily, Eiza, Tim's and Armie's friends, even a bagel shop, not to mention al lot of fellow fans who allegedly (as charmies put it) went over to the dark side and get death threats, doxxing threats etc on numerous plattforms for mentioning that maybe that ship is just a fantasy (I'm not kidding you here) - I try to show that things could have been different from what we were shown. That's all. I'm just arguing my point, as you do yours. As long as we don't whis the other dead, I can live with agree to disagree.

[douxreviews]

Supergirl - ‘Stand and Deliver' Review

Alex: "How can I, with a clear conscience, protect a man who is causing so much pain in the world?"

An episode in which many of our favorite characters stand up for their consciences, and in which the writers find a way out of the apparent impasse.

Ben Lockwood, as the president's new director of the Bureau of Alien Affairs, gets attacked by the Elite very early on in the episode. Because of the attack, Lockwood is assigned a new security detail, with Alex Danvers in charge - another move made by the president. As Alex loathes the man, this does not please her, but both her boss, Colonel Haley, and her adopted sister, Kara, give her the same advice: that by doing her job she will protect lives. (Supergirl, of course, has rescued many humans who she dislikes. I bet Colonel Haley has as well.)

As soon as Lockwood can speak without getting attacked, he announces his intention to repeal the Alien Amnesty Act, which, fortunately he cannot do by fiat, as this was apparently an act approved by Congress and Lockwood, a director in the executive branch, cannot unmake a law. However, Lockwood is in a position of influence, and by lobbying could get the act repealed. The announcement sends a chill through aliens and their friends, and they have to do something about it.

And the core of the show is when several of the characters take stands and deliver. The first to take a stand is Brainy, who, despite working at the DEO decides to organize a counter rally to the one being done by Lockwood (we all knew Brainy was behind it). The second is when James decides to go out – not as Guardian – but as a photographer to help the press show to the people what is really going on. The third is when Kara, originally hovering over the rally as Supergirl in order to protect everyone, staying above the fray, drapes herself in a Kryptonian robe (or perhaps just a blue blanket) and joins the pro-alien rally. The fourth is my favorite. Lockwood is getting the humans to shout, “Us or Them! Us or Them!” He’s egging on an attack. And then we have the wonderful:

Alex: You need to get off the stage now. Lockwood: Where’s the threat? Alex: You are the threat.

She hustles him off the stage. Pandemonium still breaks out, but the conflict would have been much worse if he had remained, and because she took him away, the brawling dies down, and people start helping one another (and her action even wins praise from Colonel Haley).

Olsen proves he deserves the position of photographer by taking a great shot of a human helping an alien, and that becomes the moment, the picture worth a thousand words, which defuses the anger being felt by so many. I was very impressed by this turn in the series, because I have been wondering how the writers could get them out of this jam – and they found a way that was fairly credible. Lockwood (pressured by President Baker, who we know cares a lot about the polls) says that they will hold Congressional hearings, which is a huge step forward.

Of course, the factions are not vanquished. Lockwood’s celebrity is based on hating aliens, so he’s got reason to try to come back. Some of the Elite are locked up. The writers can choose to return to this arc or not, but I am happy where it is for the moment.

For what I assume is a future part of the story: James is worried about the black budget at L-Corp and because he and Lena are on the outs, he can't really ask her. Instead he pumps Eve Tessmacher, his former employee, for information. Tessmacher actually has scenes that Lena would usually have more of a say in. Lena’s scenes are short and she appears overworked, which make me wonder if the actress was tired and overworked during the filming.

The episode ends with a great teaser: Who shot J.O.? (For those who are too young to know the phrase, “Who shot JR?” was the CBS hook for the show Dallas in the 1980s. Even though I never watched Dallas, I recall the phrase.) James Olsen, fresh from delivering the hearts-and-minds-changing photograph, is working late at CatCo, just the way a good boss should. Just as he is finally leaving the office, a gun is seen and a shot is fired. The last shot (camera shot) is of James Olsen lying on the floor, bleeding out. Will Olsen die? I hope not, even when they don’t give Mehcad Brooks enough to do, he is so easy on the eyes – besides, they cannot kill James Olsen, who is such a big part of the Supercousin world. So, who shot him? One of the Children of Liberty, out of resentment for that photograph? Or someone who doesn’t want him doing an expose on L-Corp finances?

Title musings: “Stand and Deliver” is the title of a 1988 documentary about a high school teacher who inspired his drop-out-prone students to master calculus. The word stand also evokes the “stand your ground” laws in various states, which have been used for the shoot first ask questions later and let Trayvon Martin’s murderer go unpunished. But it also serves the actions of at least four characters in this episode, and so I think the title works really well. All four of them made a difference by standing up when needed, and their actions together - even though not by design - had a great impact.

Bits and pieces

The Elite has a group of four, but as one of them is invisible most of the time, that’s good for the budget.

Some actual conversation for Eve Tessmacher!

Finally giving Nia Nal a more individualistic personality, and she seems to be into the meta awareness of the series, saying that’s a superhero speech or a classic bad guy move. Maybe this is a characteristic of a Dreamer. Or perhaps it is a characteristic of a superhero in training (which is rather cute).

I don’t recall Manchester Black having purple hair before this, but that’s in line with the comics. Very nice.

Loved the scrimmage between Brainy and Hat. Very artistic; they must have worked hard on the choreography.

Loved the super-heavy key for getting into the Fortress of Solitude and how the Elite looked under the mat for it.

Quotes

Lockwood: I know you think I’m a monster. But half of England said the same thing about Winston Churchill before World War II.

Nia Nal: Returning to the scene of the crime is a classic bad guy move.

Brainy: Well, whoever this American Alien is, their website superbly protected. He or she must be a highly intelligent cryptophile. Translating. This may take some time. Editor translation: You’re asking me to research myself. Haley: Just do it, Dox.

Hat: We’re supposed to be changing the world. Not acting suicidal to settle old scores.

James: You fight injustice with your fists, you can help one, maybe a dozen people. But good journalism – that can impact millions.

Brainy: Supergirl may be a symbol, but more importantly, she’s a citizen of Earth. Just like the rest of us.

Nia Nal: It always amazes me how much one photo can change the conversation.

Haley: Lockwood is a bureaucrat with power he doesn’t understand. Not only does that make things dangerous it makes our job difficult. Note that I disagree; I think Lockwood understands the power very well. Still, it's an interesting perspective.

Overall Rating

I can tell that I really enjoyed this episode, as I am still writing about it something like 1300+ words later (the word count may shrink when I edit). Three and a half out of four superheavy Fortress of Solitude keys.

Victoria Grossack loves math, Greek mythology, Jane Austen and great storytelling in many forms.

[fluffypeanut]

Hey guys! So I just remembered again I had this account and I think it would be great for this exact purpose, as you may of seen I put up a post a while ago saying how peanut the cat was the cat from my pedophile ex. So I decided since I finally found where he lives again to post it here as a way of saying fuck you/to vent. (Wow I cant believe he has a trump flag outside of his house but man is it on brand for him)

So anyways lets get on to some of the fun details :)

>Will include mentions of pedophilia, rape, and any type of abuse you can think of. Ex. physical, emotional, sexual abuse.

So anyways his full name is Kyle Wayne Carlton, he’s currently maybe around age 25 or 26 if I remember correctly (probably not but he’s still mid 20′s) and although the police havent done a fucking thing as I mentioned in the last post, this man is a massive pedophile and rapist!

He groomed me at age 16/17 and went out with me for a year, everything seemed fine at first until one day he changed and treated me like absolute shit. At first he was emotionally abusive and left me with body image issues for years after he left but during the relationship he also became physical and would openly hit me in front of his friends. I remember once he even threatened to beat me if I didnt go into his kitchen and kill a wasp, pretty fucking insane of him tbh. But anyways that’s just scratching the surface.

I realized years after therapy that he did in fact rape me way too many times to count, he constantly would do whatever he wanted with me without ever asking for consent, I was so young and sexually immature that I did not know what to do or what to say during any of it when it happened. My most traumatic memory was when he broke into my house, put me on the floor forcefully, yelled at me whenever I moved and quite literally spit onto my asshole before anally raping me. I would say I am surprised I didnt go to the hospital but i’m really not because his dick was so ugly small and fucked up that during normal sex I did not feel anything most of the time. Dudes balls were quite literally bigger than his dick and it was sad, dude was built like a gorilla. I’d dive into the many other stories about how he raped me but I do not have time for that. Would like to mention though he did take photos of me that I didnt know of and I ended up having to have a friend break into his phone and delete them all, Kyle constantly told me that if I also didnt take some photos of myself he would come into my house and take them himself. Which he did multiple times.

Anyways onto the reason that makes me not care about doxxing him, Kyle is a massive pedophile. He left me at the beginning of 2018 and ended up going out with his 16 YEAR OLD EX FUCKING GIRLFRIEND and he was 22-23 at the time. Ofc she left him because he’s a sex obsessed freak and he found a girl nearby who was i’m pretty sure 14 at the youngest. She had schizophrenia and he would constantly fuck with her and her mental illness to get her to have sex with him. He raped her, a 14 year old girl, up until she was 16 until he left her. There are many more details to this as in he said if he didnt have sex with her a fucking “succubus” would kill him, so that was his main way to get her to let him rape her.

Would also like to add here that at the end of the relationship he stalked me for maybe a month before I was able to get rid of him. He would constantly show up while I was sleeping and would knock on my windows and shine a flashlight into my room anywhere from 9pm-3am at night. It was horrifying.

Also I didnt mention it above but his family hoards cats, he had maybe 8+ cats when I was with him. Two died because he let them out although you could hear coyotes howling at night constantly, and him and his family never had the proper toys or scratching post for them. The thing is though, if any of the cats scratched one another or scratched the couches they would take them to be declawed, they crippled so many cats for being just normal cats. They constantly talked about declawing one of the cats they recently took off the street (probably stolen) and it hurt my heart because I wish i could of taken them in, the cat should of been alone and instead of taking her to the shelter they wanted to disable/cripple her. Another thing you would notice about both Kyle and his house is that it constantly smelled of cat piss, any bit of fabric in his room constantly reeked of cat piss because his disabled cats couldnt use the litter box. It was disgusting and sad.

Anyways I started this out with big intentions but my little brain cannot think correctly, i’m pretty sure I covered most of it. Essentially Kyle is a massive pedophile and a rapist who constantly emotionally, physically, and sexually abused me for over a year. He deserves fucking everything that comes to him and because of what he has done I do not care about fully doxxing him. Please sent porn mags to his house in his name among other things if you find this. Thank you.

As I said before there is many MANY more things he has done that I havent dug into but I feel like these are some of the main fucked up things he has done to both me and others. I would also like to say that I truly hope Peanut is okay, I remember them saying how they wanted to give him away for not using the litter box (he was disabled due to declawing as well). Even though Kyle is a massive fucking shitter, I will always have love for all of those poor cats that I met years and years ago. Thank you guys for reading and I hope you understand how horrible this “person” really is.

(I will probably never log into tumblr again after this, and if I do I mean it is what it is. But I do not want to really look at any of this anymore)

[aboriginalnewswire]

Trigger warning for sexual abuse, stalking, rape, domestic violence and large-scale attacks by hate groups. Last Thursday, I criticized the Linux community for continuing to support and center a leader with a years-long, documented history of unrepentant abusive behavior, someone who has actively and systematically nurtured a hostile, homogeneous technical community, and someone who has long actively chased people from marginalized groups out of open source. The retaliation has been terrifying. On Friday night, the home addresses of every member of my immediate family were posted online. I have received literally thousands of harassing, abusive, threatening and violent messages across at least half a dozen separate sites. People speaking up in support of me had their home addresses posted online as well, sometimes within minutes, creating a climate of fear that has functionally isolated me from most community support. I have received slurs of every variety, death and rape threats, and violent and threatening images. They have gone after my business and my family's livelihoods with slander, intimidation and attempts to cut off financial support, and tried to hack into various of my accounts and systems. They have left pages and pages of stomach-turning comments on the front of every internet community I am a part of and that influences my professional community and peers. As I was reeling from my family being doxxed and taking steps to ensure everyone’s safety, the tech press was giving a massive platform to an ex-partner - someone I dated for four months more than 3 years ago - who has, after I dumped him, terrorized, threatened and abused me for years, and continues to do so. This is a person who is a known liar, abuser and manipulator, with a long history of stalking, hacking and terrorizing women, who is now being treated as an authoritative character witness on one of his long-term victims - for the sole purpose of destroying my company, discrediting my work, and terrorizing me into silence. This is a person who has hacked nude photos of me and sent them to my employers - yes, bosses, executive team and investors. (I barely left my house for two weeks after and to this day cannot recall a time being more scared, depressed and humiliated). Details of my private sex life - provided by my ex - are now all over the internet and have been used to justify my abuse, incite more of it, and slut and kink-shame me. Valleywag -- less than a day after stealing stories from me, plagiarizing content from my Twitter, publishing my comments without permission or compensation, and refusing to properly acknowledge my work and job title -- has used its platform to replicate this terrorism and domestic violence to an even larger audience. Nevermind that their original articles had already incited harassment against me (they were posted over and over to the anonymous hate boards that attacked my family); their most recent article on me is an act of pure and spiteful violence following my critiques of their behavior. The past few days have been terrifying, and my heart is broken. This is abuse. This is domestic violence. This is harassment. This is terrorism. While many are eager to claim that I am actually being abused because I'm crazy, a liar, a fraud, a troll, a hypocrite, a neo-Nazi, a whore, because I've had kinky sex, because I dated an abuser, because I'm mean to men on Twitter, because I swear a lot, because I'm a "blogger" that contributes nothing to the field: I am being targeted because of my work speaking up against tech culture. My work is what has made me a target, but it is nonetheless ironically (or maybe predictably) being erased in a frothing media-frenzy to portray me as a useless, insane "PR girl", a hysterical slut with a social media account, and to generate page views from my pain. (I'm posting this on Pastebin because unlike most of the tech press, I refuse to use this abuse as a machine for eyeballs and ad dollars.) In case you’re not familiar with my work, let me tell you about it. A few years ago, I started blogging independently about tech culture, giving talks about it, and organizing resistance efforts on social media. In that period, I produced several books-worth of essays that deconstructed in detail harmful elements of tech culture, discussed useful modes of intervention and resistance, and called out collective complicity in oppression across the industry... including my own complicity. I also began using my Twitter account to talk about my experiences with misogyny in tech, call out inequality and advocate for change - and yes, I use swear words on Twitter dot com, and you will handle it because you’re not a fucking three year old. (I might take your cookies and smash your fucking Xbox anyway, though.) I did this in my spare time until late in 2013, when I started working full-time on Model View Culture, which launched in January '14. In the past year, Model View Culture has produced a body of tech and cultural criticism the size of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. We have published over 150 authors. Our publication consistently stands against discrimination, abuse and oppression in the tech industry. We have covered sexual abuse and assault, social media activism and abuse, the surveillance complex, engineering mythology, open source community, accessibility, hiring discrimination, mental illness and disability, consent in product design, workplace abuse, the VC industrial complex, suicide, white liberalism, police violence, codes of conduct, team dysfunctions, and systemic discrimination, violence and inequality at every stage of the technology pipeline. We publish and pay a large and diverse groups of writers speaking to their experiences, to their beliefs and to their sense of justice, to their demands for a better tech industry. We challenge racism & white supremacy, sexism and misogyny, transphobia, ableism, classism and other forms of institutionalized oppression rampant in tech. I believe we have produced more critical content from diverse voices than any other tech media. Model View Culture is not perfect. It is not a panacea. It is not done, or complete. It is one year old, just getting started, and there is so much more for us to do. But we have been an influential, if small, part of the growing attempts to call out and dismantle fundamental problems in the tech community. This work is what people are desperate to stop, by any means including trying to get my family killed by SWATing, trying to convince me to kill myself, terrorizing my supporters, stalking me (I have had multiple men stalk me for 6-14 months at a time), hacking my computers and accounts, "exposing" my sex life, cutting off my funding, belittling and erasing my writing, plagiarizing my content, sending constant rape and death threats, and ceaselessly holding me up for abuse to hate groups. This has been my life for almost two years. I'm sad to say that part of you starts to get used to it. But I also want to tell you about what it does to me and other victims of these attacks. Because of my work, I can no longer make public appearances, speak at events or have anyone know where I am or what I'm doing. I can't have friends over to my house because no one can know where I live. My social life consists only of a few close friends who I feel I can trust. Many of them also undergo the same shit I do - other people don’t understand and find it too stressful to be around. I am traumatized by what is now years of active stalking and abuse; abuse committed by tech workers and unaffiliated individuals, by anonymous harassers and influential figures in tech, and by media both in tech and mainstream. My sex life is fodder for 8chan and corrupt journalists trying to destroy my company because it is competition and it poses a threat to their press-release factories, funded by startups and venture capitalists and uncritically reproducing their propaganda. I receive anywhere between dozens and thousands of harassing messages each week. Anything bad that happens to me is considered “normal” and “expected”, and any reason to expose me to abuse is sufficient. People say I am a "professional victim", suggesting I am somehow profiting off my work, but I am now unemployable in the field I once loved and make a fraction of what I used to make as a tech worker. I spend an enormous amount of money and time securing my safety. It is no longer safe for me to do media appearances as media abuses me, demeans me, violates my boundaries, steals my content and holds me up for abuse, offering no support or protection: every article has resulted in more stalkers and harassment. I am frequently cut off from support because people who support me are afraid to be targeted as well. That's just my everyday. Then there's these recent attacks. Frankly, I am devastated, depressed, vulnerable, non-functional, anxious, paranoid and isolated. I’ve visibly lost weight since last Thursday. My heart hurts and my body aches. I feel humiliated, exploited, and am in physical pain. I'm frightened for myself, my family, my friends, and people in my community who have supported me. I am trying to keep working but honestly, it is incredibly difficult. I had a lot of plans for Model View Culture in the beginning of this year, and unfortunately most of them are going to be delayed by at least weeks as I try to put my self-esteem and sense of safety back together, take the needed steps to protect myself, family and community, and process these feelings of fear, anxiety, trauma and anger. It's devastating to admit the toll this has taken on me, to accept that it is having such a significant impact on my work. I fear that people won’t want to write for Model View Culture anymore because doing this work is actually dangerous. As is, we have to publish far too many articles anonymously, because people fear losing their jobs and their safety for speaking out and telling their stories. I am asking myself how I can actually continue like this and run a company under these conditions. No other tech press is operating under this level of violence and terrorism, and we don’t have corporate money or VC funding to help us defend against it. It’s intimidating. I ask Model View Culture readers and community to be patient during this time. The truth of the matter is that as much as people want abuse victims to be fearless, to come out on top, to not be stopped: at some point, this is simply not realistic. That said, I'm not stopping, I am not going away, and I will continue, even if it happens a little slower or a little later than I planned. Changing tech is my life's work. I'm only 28, so you'll probably have to deal with it for at least the next few decades. This is a set-back for my health and my ability to work, but I'm here for the long-term. I am sad that my new normal is, well, this. But so be it. To everyone who has supported me in this time: Thank you so much. I haven't been able to respond to so many of you because it hasn't been safe to, but I appreciate and value your belief and faith in me. To everyone else: Go fuck yourself. Some specific “fucks yous” go out to: The Linux community, I hope you realize how fucking toxic and broken your “community” is after standing by silently as me and my entire family were terrorized after I criticized Linus Torvalds. I think you are cowardly and spineless and I stand behind everything I said. I also think you need to seriously look at the clear ties the Linux community has to 8chan and GamerGate which led many of the attacks on me. Andrew Auernheimer aka a blast of trash from my past: you started whining and crying the day I dumped your ass and you haven’t stopped since. May the ouroboros eat YOU, easily mistaken for a snake, and may you spend the rest of your days as you have to date - pathetic, prospectless, alone and heartbroken, ever-pining over women who hate your guts and clinging to any last scrap of fast-fading relevance. Milo Yiannopoulos, a failure of a human being but tremendous success as an opportunistic sell-out scumbag who has spent months digging up details on my sex life and leading harassment campaigns against me. Valleywag, particularly Valleywag editor Dan Lyons -- a white man who is 26 years older then me and uses my sex life for clickbait while citing Yiannopolous and Weev as a credible source in order to take me down. Also Jason Calacanis, who has supported my long term stalker Loren Feldman and is basically a shitstain of a human being who we should kick out of tech forever. Vivek Wadhwa, who is building his career off women in tech yet is transparently a misogynistic asshole who has used this opportunity to get back at me for criticizing his profiteering and patriarchal brand of "allyship." Also Elizabeth Spiers who continues to refuse to get the FUCK away from me after MONTHS of me asking to be left in peace. Get the fuck over me and move on with your life as a has-been. You are literally 10 years older than me, yet are relentlessly picking on a young woman with an up-and-coming media career like you once had. You look jealous and petty, and your ongoing obsession with me is creepy as fuck. In the remainder of this post, I am addressing my community. I realize that following my tweets can be difficult and not very coherent, especially as I have navigated the emotional roller coaster of the weekend. My anxiety is through the roof and I haven’t gotten much sleep. While I don't think I should have to explain and rehash my sex life, analyze terrorism against me at length, and somehow summon words out of a fog of anxiety, fear and depression, I want to get my views on the record. They have been dismissed, erased, deemed irrelevant, misconstrued, twisted and deployed against me. So here they are, FROM ME. They have made it too scary to defend me, so I defend myself: I, unequivocally, support ourselves and stand behind us. Lol. OK for real. I wanted to start by discussing my past sexual history. Since we are already so deep into my sex life - released non-consensually and with the sole aim of terrorizing me - let's talk about it. Over three years ago, a friend of mine introduced me to Andrew Auernheimer aka Weev. I had no idea who he was prior to this friend telling me about him and introducing me. I was not involved in the infosec community (still aren’t), was fairly new to tech, and arrived in Silicon Valley years after his most high-profile attacks on other women in tech. As many of you have conveniently forgotten, (even those of you who wrote them!), articles about him painted him as a charismatic, counter-culture hacker taking on powerful and corrupt systems - someone who expressed a number of "controversial" (i.e. sexist, racist and homophobic) views, but these were glossed over as satire and mischief. I was happy to do the same, something which I deeply regret and deeply apologize for. The industry was, as it always has been and remains, enamored and worshipping of the "edgy" young white male hacker who ostensibly reflects a challenge to the status-quo, but in actuality just re-creates those systems under the guise of liberalism, satire and "mischief" aka misogynistic and racist terrorism. Frankly, I was also enamored. At the time, I was really early in my career, didn't give much of a shit about social justice, didn't particularly understand how fucked up the industry was, and was laboring under the profound delusion that my career success meant some kind of feminism. I think I was starting to undergo some type of political realization or awakening and was in some clumsy and inept way reaching out for an alternative framework, a tech “counter culture”. Of course, the "alternative" framework I discovered was some abusive piece of shit who would crawl into my life, use me for money and housing, and then spend years after punishing me for it. Typical. I am also not the only victim of his predatory and exploitative behavior towards his partners and ex-partners. At the time, I was in a bad place (which he gleefully exploited) and frankly looking for some strings-free fun and (unhealthy) emotional support. A good time seemed like having a completely doomed relationship with a notorious, emotionally co-dependent bad boy that I could fuck for a few hours and call daddy in a hotel room, then leave after giving him $40 out of the ATM because he had no money (stemming from a blanket refusal to work, preferring to just take money from women who feel sorry for his miserable existence). It worked for me at the time, it satisfied something I was looking for, and it made my life feel edgy and exciting, even though I know recognize it as a a huge mistake and deeply regret it. But, it happened. To all the people berating me for making poor dating choices in my mid-20s, many who haven't seen their mid-twenties in ten to twenty years: Guess what, assholes. Mistakes. Were. Made. Can you really tell me that you haven't fucked the wrong people? Maybe ones of the dudes I fucked was worse than your partners, but I've always been an overachiever. Like I have previously stated: At least I fucked weev in shame and private unlike the EFF, TechCrunch, the NY Times and all the rest of your favs. To be honest, dating men who are emotionally and physically abusive has been something of a pattern for me, due to the fact that I have disproportionately fallen into these relationships as a former abuse victim AND due to the fact that so many men are abusive, predatory, manipulative and lying scum. Fuck them, and misandry forever. In response to Andrew's allegations that I am a racist, hate-filled neo-Nazi who shared his views, that I am simply a troll or performance artist: I do not, and have never shared Andrew's views, and he didn't teach me shit. Most of our relationship consisted of fucking in potentially disturbing and unhealthy ways, talking about his upcoming trial, sharing photos of red pandas, me bitching about work, watching My Little Pony (i know, i know) and him trying to get as much money out of me as he could. I smoked a bunch of weed, he drank and we ate lots of takeout. As far as his trolling techniques, they seem to consist primarily of convincing people who can actually code to do things for him, then taking the credit for them, so I wasn't really interested in acquiring these “skills” even if I did have a naive fascination with what I then saw as his "innocent" pranks and how they functioned. While it wasn't a big part of our brief-lived (four month) relationship, he often made comments that were racist, homophobic, anti-semitic, misogynist and transphobic. I alternated between being like "hahahaha", “satiring” back to him (including making similar comments), and telling him to knock it the fuck off. In private conversations he assured me that he was just a performance artist, that it was satire and trolling, and that he was actually a feminist (lol). He was always laughing when he said really horrible things. Like the anti-intellectual, self-centered, callous, cavalier and "edgy" white liberal that I fancied myself (And was) at the time, I laughed too and played along. As much as there is lots of feigned outrage from white people about it, this discourse was frankly not much different than that I saw and still see constantly in the tech workplace and at events, online and in the community. Tech prides itself on being "not overtly -ist" when it actually is, despite almost everyone’s vehement protestations. For those who attempt to distance themselves from the racism, sexism, and transphobia of the industry by congratulating themselves that we don’t "say those things": you are full of shit. The tech industry is chock full NOT ONLY of "subtle" issues that let us continue to feel like good people because we don't use slurs, but actual constant and overt abuse, discrimination, and violence - often under the guises of "irony" and "satire”. And I have absolutely participated in it. People demand to know why I won't "defend" myself from the "charges" made by my ex. Yes, they contain a number of outright lies and inventions as well as self-serving exaggerations, distortions and manipulations. Frankly, I’m not going to indulge this circus by refuting and responding point-by-point to the details of an abusive relationship I had years ago. As to the overall tone of the allegations, basically that I used to be an oppressive asshole who held much different values than I do now... well I don't feel a need to "defend" or "deny" that because the truth is, I had for years and years of my past been whole-heartedly complicit in the systems of inequality and discrimination that plague our field. I thought that if I made six figures and did well in my career, acted like "one of the boys” aka white male patriarchs, or played along with them, and was as vulgar, violent, self-centered and cut-throat as the "successful" white men around me, that was "feminism." I gave a shit about my own advancement but for many years didn't really give a shit about anyone else's advancement. I didn't recognize my role in the tech industry as a privileged white woman, and didn't do much of the internal and external work required to divest from those systems. As I started my political awakening, I was primarily concerned with the advancement of white women like myself and didn't give much thought to broader systemic issues, or how I was complicit in the oppression of other groups. My attitudes, beliefs and behavior were 100% born of my alignment with white capitalist patriarchy, and I benefitted enormously (And still do) from it even as it has abused me. Here are two categories of things that are both true. 1. I am queer, mentally ill and a woman. I have been through a lot of hard stuff because of those things. I went through some Carrie-style shit when I came out in middle school. I have had an anxiety disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder since I was a kid. Some of my first "real" sexual experiences included being molested and a victim of statutory rape. Later in my life, I've been raped at knife point and dragged across the floor thinking I would die that night. I've been punched in the face by my "lovers". I showed up to my first real job interview with a barely concealed black eye and bruised ribs. I've finished school while I screamed bloody murder into an apartment complex at night pleading for help from anyone who heard. As a working professional I've been sexually harassed, verbally and physically intimidated by managers, underpaid, overworked, denied promotions, humiliated, and subjected to hostile work environment after hostile work environment. I've been threatened with revenge porn by multiple exes, and coerced into doing things I think are unethical by people in positions of power over me. I've had hacked nude photos sent to my bosses and investors. I've been stalked over the course of months and years, been slandered and abused by media, and disowned by my industry for being a woman who spoke up. I am one of the most visible women in tech - not as a respected and valued member of our industry, but as a target. I live in constant fear of the tech community and am terrorized on a regular basis. I am held up for all to see, a public example of what they will do to you if you speak out - and it seems “anything goes” more and more each day as organized hate groups grow in numbers and strength while the tech community grows in apathy. 2. I am a cis white woman who has uncritically profited from white supremacy, cissexism, ableism, classism and other forms of oppression. My success, visibility, and achievements are fundamentally built on the oppression of others, and I spent years not giving a fuck, lending any semblance of a hand, acknowledging my role, or working to dismantle the systems I've been part of. Most of my privileges in life happen as a direct result of a white supremacist capitalist system, and I too long stayed silent and comfortable. From an essay I published in autumn 2013 on my personal blog, called "Finding Out You’re a Sexist, Misogynistic, Homophobic, Classist, Racist Asshole and Hypocrite": "I can only cringe and hate myself when I think of all the times I have totally fucked up and became part of the very problems I hate. Yes, I have slut-shamed, body-policed, name-called, bad-joked, appropriated, derailed, co-opted, silenced, objectified, stereotyped, trivialized, slurred, punished, isolated, insulted, benefited, and stayed silent with the worst of them. A highlight reel of my life profiting uncritically and even participating in the systems of misogyny, classism, racism, cis-normativity and homophobia that oppress my friends, my family, my fellow humans would not endear anyone to me, least of all myself. It fees horrible to talk about. But I am because we all must realize how complete, how intersecting, how deeply fucked up the system is, and the role we play in it. It’s easy to become invested in an image of ourselves as good human beings, without blame or participation in the oppression of other people. Sometimes we even imagine ourselves as a helper to them, a healer, an ally, without even thinking it through." I have made many sexist, racist, transphobic and homophobic comments that were abusive and violent in my life. I have consistently failed to stand against discrimination that affected other people. I've often prioritized my own needs and success above that of more marginalized people. For years, I made no effort to use my privilege and power to help others. I have *literally fucked a neo-Nazi and harbored him with money, emotional support and yeah, kinky sex.* My internalized misogyny and the racism I have reproduced affected real relationships and hurt real people. Because I have had access to white, cis, class and educational privilege, I have been able to protect myself, get amazing health and mental health care, and attain economic security that many suffering the same and much, much worse do not have access to. In the workplace, I got the perks of diversity in tech efforts while more marginalized people were left behind, and I didn't say shit. I benefited and continue to benefit enormously from white supremacy in the tech industry, able to amass financial resources to start my own company and escape the day-to-day grind of the abusive tech workforce, which is not an option for so many. All of the above things are true. As a cis white woman I have both abused and been abused, been a victim of violence and someone who commits violence, been punished by the system and also benefited extensively from it. I refuse to run around insisting that I'm not an oppressive asshole instead of actually doing the work of dismantling the system - inside me and outside me. I heal myself, and I also work to ease, destroy and amend for the pain and oppression I have inflicted on others, that I participate in, benefit from, and bear responsibility for taking down. I also want readers to note that the "redemption" narrative that people are looking for me to manifest here is hugely problematic, centering white people's feelings and experiences, our personal growth over dismantling oppressive systems, and our need to feel like we are "good people." As I've written in the past, I don't believe that "good person" as a framework to approaching systemic inequalities is useful. I don’t think I am a good or bad person. I am a person who has done good things and bad things, and I try to do more good things as I grow. I don't wish to offer excuses for my past. I cannot undo it, nor change it. I remain complicit in and benefit from many systems of oppression, I still have an enormous amount of work to do to divest of my own investment in the system and how I enable it to continue, and I have a life-time of work to do against it, work that I try to do each day. This is work that the tech industry needs to partake in. I invite you to get out of my sex life and to join me doing it.

[nyrator]

Random Ny updates on Ny things

lots of photos, cosplay progress, ffxiv stuffs, life feelings and rotten nyan bleh feelings of insecurity

bought myself a new friend on a whim while shopping with friends about two weeks ago

the costume so far

still need to add fur to the bottom, but apparently I still remember how to sew by hand- need to figure out the best way to attach it, though. The collar I put on like a dress shirt kind of collar, but I don’t think I can do that for the bottom part (other than just sewing the fur backside to the shirt frontside, which almost seems too easy to be right- the cuffs I put front-to-front and folded over afterwards, giving them that flat edge on top, but not sure if I want that flat edge for the bottom...)

the tights, I made a mold of my leg out of duct tape (what a silly idea), but only had enough for one go around, so it was very flimsy after being removed. I decided the smarter method would be to fold the mold in half and cut the shape out of cardboard, which I did.

I don’t think I’ll have enough turquoise paint for the stripes, so I ordered more about a week or more ago... except it was undeliverable, because they sent it to Florida, and now they’re reshipping it, and estimated date was anywhere between the 23rd to Nov 5th, so yeahhhh. Last I checked, it got to the right place (PA), but then ended up in Delaware? so we shall see what happens

Haven’t even worked on the skates at all, which worries me, but the party is planned for Friday roughly (getting my friends together is always a thing). I notice distancing tends to be pretty lax around here, they deal with people on cash registers all day though so they’re used to being exposed and I don’t need to protect my mother anymore so hm (should get a blue mask and put some graffiti on it, though)

Tomorrow sounds like it’ll be friend-crunch-day, helping another friend with their costume and such as I try to fix mine. Haven’t worked on mine in a few days because dealing with blehs, but should get back to work on it (only a few days left...)

ALSO MY BOY IS REPAIRED

they sent that shoulder piece fast, like super fast- It was here by the 21st, mann- this is the piece they sent, arm and everything

First I thought, okay, just remove the jacket and put it on the other one- but then I realize, oh, wait, no that won’t work, it won’t stick, and this new jacket is glued on. I thought to super glue it on, but trying to remove it started to tear the peg, so I decided, okay yeah no leave it alone and figure out how to remove his torso

so I removed his torso, which took a bit of force, but now he’s back together and much looser but looking good, godd

also I turned 29 on the 11th, a pretty uneventful day all things considered. Friends came over the other day to deliver gifts (though one forgot his, twice, somehow), the other was a purple DDLC girl plush and pin because she’s purple (I should probably play that game to completion), the photo I have would dox me though and too lazy to get another photo at the moment

Otherwise playing a looot of FFXIV recently, beat the main story (first one at least), got the DLC and doing the Red Mage things (as a former fencer I am down though critical of my lalafell’s footwork), slowly trying to make glamours for every class, and the latest mission thing I’ve done was fighting Moogles to knock-off This Is Halloween, what a great fight (somehow managed to get like 8 unique moggle weapons and it makes me happy they exist), mainly a BLM/WHM/RDM/Weaver though Ninja was also fun (white mage is scary but Kresna is very good at doing crazy pulls when he’s the tank and I somehow help people survive by the skin of our teeth)

the crew (myself, Kresna aka Kure, my friends Spired aka Yomi, and James aka Sebastian, who only plays FFXIV in order to play mahjong with us), we all really enjoy mahjong now if you couldn’t tell (also Kresna’s character is great and now he’s making a Rivers Cuomo lalafell and we’re all going to be bards in a Weezer cover band, also shout outs to how cute Yomi is and the magnificent pompadour and sideburns Sebastian has)

But now to the less nice things

So, hmm. Still dealing with depression, a lot of it caused by interpersonal relationships, I suppose- My flaws and anxiety-induced communication issues make it really hard for people to feel like I care or am interested in them, I think. Seeing how I hurt people, and being powerless to help people on the verge of collapse or even suicide, it eats away at me. I can’t just leave them to their depression, and I want to stay connected and I genuinely value them in my life, but it’s taken such a toll on my own mental health and I absolutely cannot leave them alone, either- the type who can and would genuinely go through with taking their own life if left with absolutely nothing. I’m not sure what to do to help them or myself, but it’s hard just watching and being the only one who can listen.

Finally drew a Rotten Nyan picture today, but not that happy with. My feelings keep swaying between good and bad, and I think I’ll add more bad in a follow up doodle as well.

I worry I speak my mind too much- to other people, with these tumblr rants, with my tweets, I feel like I talk an unnecessary amount, mostly about myself, but never about what’s important to other people. I feel I make other people feel less appreciated by how little I talk to them or about them in comparison.

I feel like what I want to make makes me a creep, and that the people I consider friends, or at least close followers, would slowly vanish on me if I keep making it. Or I risk getting labelled as something, or being mocked for my creations. It’s a weird paranoia.

I’ve had some good talks with some friends this week that helped me feel more productive, watched some artist stream and forced myself to join another discord for that artist to try to interact with other artists, as well as trying to force myself to communicate and compliment their art as much as I reasonably can. It’s hard, very hard for me, but I need to treat people better and gain more connections.

But these things have been lightening my mood a bit, and trying to inspire me to draw more. But the uncertainty still lingers- Middle Lave for example, all I think of anymore is being mean to them, or remembering the bad or the humiliating instead of making more cute things. Any time I think of any scene, it just gets twisted. I can’t think of any good scenarios, either. Thinking of all the situations that make MLave cut themselves, or cry, or how frequently MLave had restroom issues (I could write pages and pages on that nonsense alone at the risk of it becoming some fetish work or something, I already feel like I’ve written too much about it), nonsense like that. Which, is it fine to just write about that anyway? I don’t know. I’m told there’s an audience for anything, and if people want to read it, they will, and if they don’t they don’t have to, but I’m still scared of pushing away an already existing audience- Followers are one thing, I don’t expect people to keep following something they don’t enjoy, but I guess just people I’m closer to, followers who take the time to interact with me frequently, I worry what they think of me and losing them (though I don’t want to be clingy or guilt-trip anyone either).

I also think of some of the word choice I’d use- it’d be accurate and authentic, but I worry with how people will take it (for example: Lave’s nickname growing up was “retard” or “r-tard” by their sister, and “faggot” by their father, and I know that kind of language is frowned upon even more so these days, but it’d be a disservice not to include it I’d think)

I have a separate twitter for Rotten Nyan though, I just haven’t used it, so maybe when I finally update the comic I can just keep all the twisted stuff locked away on it and the tumblr accounts.

There are lots of weird things I worry about, since on the topic- I feel like I’m just very naive. I see a lot of people enjoy “bullying” my character Dolly, and at times I wonder if I should encourage it, or speak against it, or what. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, and it makes me wonder if I’m a creep for enjoying tormenting Lave, enjoying portraying self-harmful or humiliating or self-deprecating scenes and wanting to talk about them or draw them, it feels wrong. I think of Suicide Boy, where I feel it takes it a bit too overboard, but I wonder if I’m any better.

Other things I see, say, pacifiers for example, I see them a lot in my pinterest feeds and some artists I follow. First I worry they’re some kind of kink I don’t know about, and if I had them to my character it’ll sully my art somehow unexpectedly, but then I see Animal Crossing add them, so there must be some fashion trend or something to it, maybe? I probably wouldn’t actually draw art of one honestly, but it’s a weird trend I don’t understand I guess, and I wonder if I’m weird for thinking it looks cute sometimes and weird at others.

I guess overall, in short, I’m just afraid of making something that drives people away from me, or being known for something I don’t want to be known for, or something. At the same time, I feel like worrying about it and talking about it so much also makes me a creep, somehow.

Anyway, if you couldn’t tell I’m just rambling at this point, but I should change subjects.

I did lose 10 lbs / 4.5 kg since I officially started my diet two months ago, which is nice. I still am too embarrassed to say what my weight actually is (gained a little bit of weight during quarantine), but I’ve basically lost what I gained this year and am almost halfway to a healthy BMI. Afterwards, I see no reason to change my diet (other than maybe how little energy I feel eating less than 1500 calories a day), so I’ll see how far the diet takes me before it plateaus. If I can be a bodyweight to cosplay Kuja by the time I’m 30, that’ll be ideal (of course, I’d still need to put in effort to get rid of a belly and eat healthier foods, but yeah). Still surviving mainly on 100% whole wheat bread, skippy peanut butter, and kraft mac and cheese / spaghetti with meatless sauce, but in measured portions at least with three meals a day.

Also, mann, between depression and FFXIV, I’ve really been neglecting ACNH- still try to play it every day, but usually only late at night when everything’s closed, so missing out on a lot of Halloween stuff I feel.

[askwendyokoopa]

Kirmun’s Dilemma

askwendyokoopa, like kongnextdoor (who they defended them trying to ‘doxx’ me), has very little footing in the community, but I suggest blocking them too, since they always add stupid things to your photo / text posts. I have a popular friend in the mario community that blocked them because they attempted to flirt with their Mario through their art.

((Does anybody know what she’s talking about in that last sentence? I know she still has spies friends here following me because one of you meaners told her that thing, even though I told you not to. That was a fake tag because she’s blocked me... tags don’t always go through when they’re real anyway, so there’s only two ways she could have found out. 1) if she’s still hanging around, and 2) if some fudger told on me. However, I can now use this to my advantage because you can anonymously tell me how I flirted with Mario and/or confirm which Mario it was.

Last thing I did was send a ★ to redbromario because Rule #2 clearly states: “I am semi-selective. Even if you’re not mutals with me, you can engage in a thread! However, I have the right to not roleplay with you if your blog’s themes make me uncomfortable.” So, like any sane person I sent an ask and waited to see if my blog’s themes made them uncomfortable. Or any of the millions of other valid reasons someone would choose not to RP with someone else, the point is how was any art involved? I can see the flirting, although technically the ball is in Mario’s court; depending on what they decide to bold it could end up flirtatious or not. Either way, I’m not sure how that was even a mildly bad thing, so I would appreciate it if someone could explain it to me.

Also, I’m not sure if this is one of her reading comprehension things, or her intentionally misrepresenting things to make others look bad. This is the original post, does it sound like I’m trying to defend Stacy? I believe it’s clear that I say that she is the lesser between two evils. And that I’m not worried about getting stuck in the middle of a Doxxing war because any idiot could find my Mun account, and thereby my facebook and home address, etc. by now. There’s only one person in California with my name... maybe in the world. So when I doxxed myself 5 years ago I pretty much gave tumblr the chance to destroy me, and they didn’t. Because up until this year nobody thought that childhood continued on until you were 19... or maybe even longer? Kirmun never has stated at what point she accepts adulthood.))

[obsessivesassenach]

What the ever loving fuck is wrong with you people?

You people  You Antis, NST, Truthers, Haters, wtfer name you want to be called or are called. You people. You know I’m talking to you @noshippingallowed @contemplatingoutlander @goldenoutlander @adhara112 @aliceinoutlanerland (oops you forgot the d in outlander. get a d.) @whylimewhyanything (put the lime in the coconut) @whoreallyknowswho (it’s whom! whom! unless you just forgot to finish your sentence) @prodigiousreblogger @bestof60 (are you 60?) @vividdreamer318 (your imagination is certainly leading you astray) @breezylouisey (is that you weezy?) @momofmusa (i thought you were mom of USA lol)  @alittlebitmasss (oops your s key got stuck) Anyway, there are more of you and I’m sorry I didn’t give you a moment of thrill by acknowledging you by name but I mentioned the Tumblr accounts that I’ve seen making horrendously wild, hateful, fictional, hurtful accusations against other Outlander fans with no speck of proof - accusations meant to inspire others to emulate you and spread hate to those people as well. Let me get this straight. From what I can tell, you are super hopping mad about the content of certain Twitter and Instagram accounts. Fine. Totally fine. You are entitled to your opinions. I can see why those accounts might make some people mad. I mean, irrelevant to my life but maybe not yours.  You are mad that certain Twitter and Instagram accounts have been created for the sole purpose of throwing shade and mocking a certain celebrity you hold in high esteem. I get that. Fine. Be outraged! Express yourselves!! Speaking of fine I know you will go through this post with a fine toothed comb for anything you can argue with and attack me over because god forbid you actually read the message, digest the information, thoughtfully consider the content and then share your thoughts and opinions and maybe answer some of my questions. Nope that’s not your style. Attack attack attack half-cocked and don’t put any thought or concern for reality into it. Yes you are the borg of Antis as the foil to the Shippers. I didn’t create that world, you did. You wanted to be the anti-shippers. You are gathered on Tumblr together to be this Anti-Shipper fighting army. Go forth and fight uhh I guess? WHY????  See, shippers are motivated by love. That’s really obvious. There are all types of shippers just as there are all types of people (and even all types of antis), but what brings them together is not just their love of Outlander (and you guys love Outlander too! Whee we have something in common) but their love of the LOVE parts of Outlander and all the LOVE associated with Outlander in promos, BTS, interviews, Q&As, social media banter between the cast and crew, etc. LOVE is LOVE is LOVE is LOVE is LOVE is LOVE is LOVE is LOVE. So you generally don’t see shippers on social media attacking people with hatred and lies and accusations of criminal activity. Wait wait wait. Correction! YOU see shippers doing those things but no one else does. You mostly see shippers doing those things with accounts that aren’t even recognized shipper names. They are basically troll accounts that you have deduced are shipper accounts. You do have these long convoluted narratives of what certain shippers are alleged to have done and you bandy them about so frequently that your telephone game grows legs and walks it’s own marathon and becomes some weird beast-mode attack shipper who does horrible things. You say you SAW these things but you haven’t. Show me a tweet, a facebook post, an instagram post from an Outlander fan who identifies herself as a shipper and has a known persona in the fandom and is attacking, hating, committing these horrendous crimes you claim. What I mean is, SHOW ME THE MONEY! SHOW ME PROOF to back up your narrative. You have specifically named a number of Outlander fans and made outrageous claims as to their character, behavior, beliefs, actions, off-line actions and more. YOU HAVE NO PROOF BECAUSE THESE STORIES ARE FICTION. I’ll give you an example of how your lies have grown wings, run a marathon and turned into beast-mode: So a certain blue check account posts that a certain object of your hatred and hate-mongering did something so illegal that she would have been arrested and would still be in jail. You all headnod, mouth breath, feel righteous for having attacked her because you were soooo right, bang away at your keyboards and continue the lies and hatred and stoke the fires for uhhh fun? Yet you all know that she isn’t in jail and couldn’t have done this highly illegal thing because you watch her every move and you saw her posting pics of herself just last weekend participating in a fitness event. Hmmmm. Are you collectively dumbing each other down with your groupthink or all you all that stupid? YOU KNOW IT’S A LIE. But you’ve all convinced each other it’s ok to lie about it, malign, spread hatred and misinformation about certain fans and tarnish their reputation in the fandom because… because? because why??? Help me out here. So it’s because someone has said rude bad things to an actress you believe is Sam Heughan’s girlfriend even though he has never once said so. You BELIEVE it so it’s your reality. And the fans that you malign? You do that because they believe something else. But the weirdest thing is that you do malign them by tossing out totally unfounded and false accusations about their behavior and ascribe all kinds of unsavory activities, motives, and behaviors to these fans you have chosen to malign. You do the thing to them that you so claim to hate they are doing to the objects of your admiration.  I’m still working on this and I still need your help. So because you BELIEVE that two actors are dating and BELIEVE that it’s wrong that internet trolls make claims that they are not and some internet trolls say really rude things and tag them, you feel fully justified in making claims that the trolls are not just trolls but actual recognizable Outlander fans. Are you like shippers of trollworld or something?  I’ll just come right out and say it. Kim Hickey is not behind any of those trolls accounts you claim she is. I know this and you know this. You know which accounts are legitimately hers because she identifies herself. You are even attacking her My Peak Challenge account that she posts inspirational memes and encourages people to donate to Bloodwise. Are you for fucking real? You’re attacking a charity endeavor in your blind hatred of…. hatred of who fucking knows.  Even if you didn’t know she wasn’t behind the troll accounts, you absolutely have no basis for claiming she is. You are making shit up and publicly proclaiming it as truth just like that thing that Shippers do that you claim to hate.  Also, let’s talk about me:  I am a public person online. I don’t hide behind cutesy names. You can look me up and it won’t even be doxing me because it’s all right there, isn’t it? I have no sock accounts. I put my name on all my accounts because I own what I say and share. This tumblr account was created in the middle of last summer as a parody of Starz Obsessable campaign therefore it did not need my name on it. I never had a Tumblr account before that and I have never even sent anons on Tumblr. I never pretended I was anyone else or made any attempt to be anyone else. I posted freely about myself and my life when it was topical, including photos of myself. If you were like BINGO I’m such a supersleuth I figured out who is behind that blog!! you’re not smart or observant. It was obvious. The thing is, though, shippers didn’t know who I was. Not because they didn’t know who was behind “Obsessive Sassenach” but because they didn’t know who Nipuna was. Isn’t that funny? One of the Outlander fans on the top of your BAD SHIPPER LIST WHO MUST BE EXTERMINATED list isn’t even known by other shippers. What makes me a shipper? Just that I have heart eyes for Sam and Cait and think they have chemistry and oh wait, whoah, ZOMG, Arthur Kade thinks that too. Josh Horowitz does too! and ummmm ummmm that one lady at TCA that one year and that one book author who was on the NYT best seller list and you know I could go on. It’s not a crime to be fully happy to enjoy Sam and Caitriona’s chemistry. And if that makes me a shipper, yay. But the only reason I’m actually a known component of the shipper community now is because you guys have dragged my name around and created ridiculous lies about me. It’s like I’m some sort of Shipper Legend (to you, not shippers) who does these super crazy Shipper things in AntiLand. Remember the grave story that was created by one of you weirdos because a family friend of mine who is a caretaker for a military graveyard in the USA was friends with Sam’s father? You guys turned it into: That Crazy Shipper Nipuna stalks Sam’s father’s grave in hopes of running into him and Caitriona making a baby on his dad’s grave in Scotland. Or something like that. Anyway, tour bus guides in Scotland think there are crazy Outlander fans who stalk Sam at his father’s grave but if they stop to think they realize they don’t even know if he has a grave or if it’s even in Scotland.  You’re maligning the whole fucking fandom you freaks! You’re creating these outrageous, convoluted piece of fiction because you are all worked up about uhh something and then you tag other nasty people and get them to repeat the stories and then the stories get embellished and repeated and you sit back and watch the telephone game continue. But don’t you realize that you’re fucking the whole thing up for yourselves too? I mean, I guess not if you like chaos and mayhem. But most of you profess to care about people being nice and kind and cry out that bullying is bad and wrong. But then you do just that when you pick an Outlander fan and create detailed and convoluted lies about her behavior.  The people you lie about know they are lies, sure. And lots of other people know they are lies and ignore you, but you repeat the lies over and over and you know that saying about how if you repeat a lie often enough people will start to believe you. So you repeat and repeat and then sit back and with self satisfied smiles. Or maybe it’s just that your mouth is open because you’re breathing through it. Whatever. I don’t know your motives. I don’t know what attracts you to fan the way you do. I don’t know what fulfills you. I know it’s not LOVE. But do you even know? Are you just running around half-cocked and brainless and letting yourselves be lied to? What gives? Can you help me understand why you are constantly naming and targeting certain people and pointing others to attack them and if that doesn’t work creating stories that will hopefully motivate them to attack? WHY???