#maybe dont trust anything i say ever
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i just played a text-based RPG for two days straight
it's called Roadwarden and i loved it. you play as an adventurer tasked with traveling the roads between disconnected settlements in a deadly wilderness.
WORLDBUILDING (no plot spoilers) the setting is a dangerous and disconnected fantasy frontier which lies in the shadow of a powerful expansionist nation. everyone has beef with each other and it's not always clear who, if anyone, is in the right. the forces of nature are revered and feared. the monsters are SCARY dude. not in a cheesy horror movie way but in a very visceral "the wilderness is so much bigger than you" way. every confrontation has weight to it and the line between mundane animals and supernatural fantasy creatures is blurred. powerful themes include trust, grief, desperation, societal and personal guilt, trauma, religious tension, colonialism, environmentalism, and quite possibly more i never discovered- i expect to be replaying this game a lot. very casually lgbt positive. queer characters are frequently encountered just living their lives. so thats cool
the story takes itself very seriously but it pays off there are so many powerful emotional moments as a result good grief i love this game GAMEPLAY Roadwarden is played by traveling around and talking to people using simple dialogue trees. these trees are anything but static- they are affected by your tone entering the conversation, your personal goals and beliefs, your relationship with the person you're talking to, and the state of the world. for a good bit of the game you will have something new to say to a character pretty much every time you encounter them. knowledge is power. information you pick up everywhere will influence your dialogue options, and you're encouraged to hoard every scrap of info you can get- these precious details will allow you to solve mysteries, convince npcs of your convictions, and uncover secrets. and combat is no exception! fighting and other encounters use the exact same interface that dialogue does, offering you a list of possible choices. knowing your opponent is as important as your skills and equipment (if not more). you pretty much always have the option to lie when relevant which is so much fun. the game occasionally prompts you to type commands or phrases directly, testing your knowledge and/or creativity. you are also frequently asked for your character's unspoken thoughts about situations. its unclear to what extent this affects gameplay but it's an awesome touch. the game tracks your discoveries in an organized journal and lets you add your own notes. it was never difficult to keep track of what my character knew. (although the dialogue trees occasionally offered me choices i had forgotten about or wouldn't have put together on my own, this was usually an "oh right i remember that" moment and not a "what the hell just happened" moment.) this is not a roguelike. death feels like a very real threat (good writing) but it isn't doesn't end your playthrough and it's pretty difficult to get it to happen in the first place. this is a role playing game. it's about the story and it is stronger for that. WRAP UP so many moments in this game made me say "that's so freaking epic." both narratively and mechanically. i'll leave you to discover those moments yourself, but the way the creators painted individual story beats with unique twists on the same simple gameplay mechanics is nothing short of brilliant characters are great. i fell in love with some of them; i loved hating some of them. there are a few characters i wish were fleshed out a little more.
music is okay. nothing special. gets repetitive but the motifs are nice i finished my first playthrough in 16 hours it's on sale on steam rn go check it out :3
#games#text based rpg#interactive fiction#game review#roadwarden#hilariously the game keeps track of the general number of lies you tell on your character sheet#when i first discovered this mechanic i didn't expect to lie very much based off of the character i had come up with#by the end of my playthrough my lies were described as “out of control"#so.#maybe dont trust anything i say ever
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horror's jacket fluff has probably accumulated so much DISGUSTINGNESS over 7 years in it that it's managed to acquire it's own signature Dog Smell (TM). however i think this would be a prime opportunity to pet him and then get some of that disgusting smell on you because for some reasons Dog Smell is just unavoidable when you pet a dog with a lot of hair
he'd hate it but awww awww whos a good boy (ノ´∀`*) whos a good boy (*≧∪≦) YOU ARE!!! awww so cute you didn't commit all those murders against innocent people you were innocent ( ̄▽ ̄)/ such a good boy!!!! (gets beheaded) (he got too embarrassed)
#forcing the dog horror agenda down people's throats#CAT DOG RABBIT TRIO I SCREAM INTO THE DISTANCE#cat and dog run circles chasing eachother around the sleeping rabbit (MURDER TIME TRIO REAL TRUST I WAS THE AIR)#THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME. guess where the inspiration came from. THATS RIGHT (triglycercule owns a dog) (for context)#my favorite recurring theme i keep on bringing up 4 some reason is horror not wanting 2 be treated like hes feral or animalistic#he is a rational man. he can think for himself. he isn't a DOG. SO THEN STOP TREATING HIM LIKE HE'S NOTHING MORE THAN SOME CAGED CANINE#(glares at killer and dust. dust simply looks off to the side (not paying attention) and killer slightly smiles bigger (creep))#it would be SO fucking demeaning. something killer does to horror to piss him off EASILY#leave it to killer to find a way to get on horror's nerves all the time. thank god dust is much less pissy than horror 🙏#can just SEE the thought bubble of horror as a dog above dusts head#he wouldn't verbalize it (because why would he need to) but dust can see the dog parallels (truly like me)#maybe he'd say it on an off day when theyre all feeling chill and its dead silent#someone's gotta be the calm one out of the three maniacs and why not let it be the rationally insane one ‼️‼️‼️#and theyre all just like chilling. horror's organizing the pantry. killer's playing a cat game on his phone. dust's reading#and then he just says to nobody in particular. horror reminds me of a dog#it's almost as if nobody reacts when horror turns around flabbergasted??? as if nobody said anything!!!!!#because dust is still reading and killer's still on his phone!!! WHAT!!!! and horror's just like ever so slightly irritated and weirded out#but...... its a good day. its been chill. maybe he just imagined that. and he goes back to his thingy#and dust just ever so slightly smiles. killer's actually been looking at horror ever since dust said that (the blank sockets hide his gayze#and in his head hes like..... damn. dust is right tf i do see it??????#kemonomimi mtt when. when do i get to see them with animal ears and tails that i approve they would fit in????#triglycercule you have to do it yourself.WHAT!!! NO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO (disintegrates) (imagine that ashy baby photo)#i felt like killer typing out that second paragraph. its like i can hear his voice saying it as i type. its like i can see his smug face#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule hc#i mean killer and dust are mentioned in tags so its whatever DONT KILL ME DONT GUILLOTINE ME OK SORRY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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*wakes up in cold sweat from a hundred years long nap* Aziraphale's 1941 love realisation was a LITERAL BOMB FALLING ON HIS HEAD FROM THE SKY that he was forced to MIRACULOUSLY SHIELD THEM FROM and they both have performed so well, he and Crowley were not only NOT discorporated, but ALSO his most precious belongings, the symbols of the human part of his identity, were not harmed in the process. and it was all within mere minutes of their reunion after a major fallout. do you. do you see what I'm
#i am not exaggerating this thought really woke me up just now#good omens#ineffable husbands#good omens s1#good omens 1941#crowley#aziraphale#my posts#i dont know if this makes sense#or if im just repeating what people have already discussed but it strikes that#the realisation was NOT gentle nor romantic or anything like that#it was violent and powerful! and it was entirely orchestrated by crowley. aziraphale had no say in it#he could not choose that moment#and yet. it was everything hes ever wanted. it was better than anything he could probably come up with#its not about romance with them really! its all about trust that they have each others back when the times get so fucking tough#thats when they are invincible together#i made myself sob#i keep circling in the point i wanted to make i cant articulate it well rn but i need to get this out and maybe ill come back to it later#marcela talks
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Me with who
I trusted, Let you in
Let you see through my broken skin
Let you tell me, People would love me
Not get sick of me, Get rid of me
I know you rarely open your Tumblr from your browser but if ever you do so, well, sana matamaan ka.
#siren screams#personal rant#relatable memes#in sound mind#Song#rant post#Friend#Im slowly distancing myself from an irl friend#I couldnt help but develop some trust issues but maybe im just overreacting#I dunno#I will just.... rant#I feel like she really hates me even if she would say it as a joke sometimes#Telling me im so annoying everytime we see each other#And we're even classmates for this school year!#But im slowly distancing myself#I cant bring myself up to a happy mood whenever I need to face her#Like not looking onto her face#Of course i know everyone in the class noticed it eveb if they wont say anything about us#Cuz they know that me and this irl friend are inseparable and always buy in the canteen during recess#But now im alone#all all alone#I have two moots here thatre my classmates irl rn#If any of you two read this. Dont tell anyone#I just... ranted#Thats all#Damn fuck i want some sleep but i cant since i need to prepare for exams next week#Its 1 pm here btw#I rlly want some sleep to replenish my whole being#Ah no lemme rephrase that--i want eternal sleep#A sleep where no one can ever wake me from.
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i tried so hard to be kind and sweet and all of these things that are supposed to be good? and valued? but im alone again and i dont think ill ever not be
#if you recently asked me how i am doing. sorry#i do remember and value that. its just very hard to trust that as something i could ever actually lean on#like even to say that feels like maybe i am overstepping. so. yeah thats where im at haha#ive just gotten burned way way too many times at this point#forged in fire??? burnt to ashes#i used to think phoenixes were relatable but not really anymore#the vibe has changed completely#and really im on my way out. not in like a super depressing way im not about to kill my body but when i say#im transitioning to a p zombie its . not a fucking joke im done here#my support group of all things went to shit yesterday too so i really have nowhere to stand im just breaking breaking. breaking. breaking .#dissolving. dying. and im like kind of hurt that nobody even cares enough to know these things about me#but how can i blame people for not knowing that asking me how im doing is not enough#or like how can i blame people for not caring#ppl got their own lives or whatever idk how this shit works.#man im just so so so done.#my friend told me about some future worries today and i was just sitting there like man. how do you even.#talk like you will have a future#like anything matters like any of this is real#because to me it's pretty clearly not#i didn't say that shit to him obviously#id like to keep a friend or two around just in case idk#someone to go on a walk with#sometimes he asks me what i think about stuff#i like listening to myself talk. so i benefit from that#anyway the point of this post was that while im done being a self im also very fucking done being selfless#acting like i think i can help people or something. i cant. i dont want to. i dont care.#i just dont fucking care anymore.
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day 874392857 of ??? where i am so fucking tired of this house and the people inside it that killing myself is looking better and better each day :/
#reze stfu#god i honestly. idk what to say#my parents aren't bad in terms of it. they're pretty good as far as parents go#but like. imso fucking tired of being expected to act and talk a certain way. yes. i am your first child#that is exactly the reason i am so fucked up!! because you didnt know how to deal with children when you had me an i was basically a...#idk. an experiment or wtv#I WISH THEY COULD UNDERSTAND THAT !!#i know there is something wrong with me. because i've been told that. to my face. repeatedly#and people wonder why my self esteem is so low :/#maybe if you didnt amke me question my fucking existance i wouldnt be this way. you ever thought of that??#just two more years . i gotta hanf on for two more years. thats all. thats all. and them im our im out of this house#maybe ill like them better when i dont see tjem everyday#god i love being deathly terrified of my own parents. sometimes i dont even think i love them. i think im just so scared of them#that ive deluded myself into thinking that i love them and theyd never do anything to hurt me#despite KNOWING that isnt true#and its worse when my sisters have to deal with the fallout like. im used to being the buffer. i can deal with that. but please please#please dont expect me to parent. dont expect me to take your place. side eyes my father#WHY am i the most responsible person in that house???#you expect me to trust you ??? after you left 2 10 year olds alone in a playground in the hot sun for 3 hours with no food no water no money#no way back home??? and you fucking forgot about them???? and i had to remind you????????#i dont know. maybe im just lashing out. maybe im just tired of being the fuckup#its hard to be proud of yourself when you end up being told that there is something about you that is not right in the head ykwim?#ugh im sorry for ranting i just. idek what set me off and now i have nail marks in my arm and my skin is raw again#and my eyes are bloodshot. so i guess. ill be crying myself to sleep again. yay#that is if i even GET to sleep. i just wasted 20 mins i couldve used to be working having a mental breakdown. fun fun#tw suicide#tw vent
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me being largely nonhuman/antihuman and a lesbian, therefore being forced by my brain to be attracted to humans has actually allowed me to fully understand how men attracted women who say they wish they were lesbians are real and based and do not deserve the hate they get. like girl i get it thats literally how i feel about you.
no offense to the good humans out there #notallhumans <3
#i dont actually like or trust women either. bc theyre humans. im just kind of forced into this i think...?#theres only one race: the human race#and im lowkey really really REALLY racist#/hj#the only people who dont annoy me in That One Way eventually are nonhuman or at the very least humans who believe they arent human#or are super autistic and love beasts and creatures#pretty much everyone who recognizes themselves as human unquestioningly and takes a complete all encompassing pride in it#or spews like. ''power of humanity <3'' & sucks off the human spirit casually or loves human centered themes at all is inevitably annoying#like no actually humans arent special in the slightest and if any other animal species had hands theyd probably do a lot better#AND theyd be less entitled about it. humans should stop killing everyone and maybe then ill listen to them about how cool they are.#every problem humans have ever solved was caused by humans in the first place how do you expect me to bow down and praise them#just on the basis that they were born human & therefore everything they do for anything else is heartwarming & merciful & divine in some wa#when theyre just cleaning up their species' own mess#humans are a lot like men in that they want to cry and whine about the problems theyre facing when their own people did that#and then expect a pat on the back for doing the bare minimum to pick up the mess they were complicit in making for centuries.#which is why i completely understand those man attracted women. the problem is basically the same one but its all inclusive this time#youre allowed to feel attacked for any of this but literally nobody can convince me it isnt the exact same thing bc it is.#and if you want to ''not all humans'' me. then tell me exactly what that sounds like and try to draw parallels as to why thats stupid. ty#humans that struggle still deserve sympathy just like men who struggle under patriarchy#but i dont have to take shit from them when theyre being weird or think theyre better or more deserving of life either.#no one ''deserves'' anything idiot thats just some bs your psyche is telling you to make you feel better#we're all just here to survive. play and have fun. and ideally. minimize suffering when we can. then die. thats like. all of it. thats life#nonhuman#op#my human mutuals are ''some of the good ones'' as they say lmao#sorry about my quirky ramble i just hope some more nonhuman people find this posts tags and Get It
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Every second of every day I remind myself that I'm going to need to learn to draw gore and body horror and every second of everyday I simply keep imagining it instead of drawing it because I don't even wanna try finding usable refs for the shit I wanna pull off (it also doesn't help that searching up refs for skinless human anatomy is. Annoying to do if you wanna draw someone who isn't made of muscle and nothing else)
#rat rambles#there's also just a lot of stuff that I just sorta. cant find refs for just due to the nature of the image in my head#but yeah I know I can probably find the refs I properly need somewhere out there but its going to be a nightmare for me I hate finding good#reference photos for tings especially when it comes to anything gore or scar related#but yeah au snek you bastard I will draw you some day#she isnt helping me much by having fun bone body horror too :/#and then theres all the other snake stuff I want her to do thats going to be a whole other journey to learn to draw#but that one isnt as bad because it's much easier to find photos of snakes doing goofy snake stuff#aka anytime they use their mouths to do anything ever theyre so silly#au snek is also silly if you ignore the horrors#shout out to her for being the only one of the au antags that wasnt saught out for attempting to/succeeding at destroying their universes#although thats mostly just because snek is tied to physical matter which means that she has less of an inhernet connection to the stuff#pretty much everyone else does abt their universes#au snek was somewhat unique amongst sneks tho in that shes easily one of the most powerful sneks#these guys get a bit closer to the greater power of the function theyre tied to each time they die you see#and au snek has died a Lot#more times than everyone else in the au antag squad combined#which tbf isnt actually saying a lot most of them never actually died that many times if at all#owl for example probably never died herself. all her power came from her consuming her original universe#similar with mase but he might have died at some point idk#and while Id normally say tali is a similar case given the universe she came from shes probably died a fair share of times#and au bloom probably died like once or maybe twice if Im being generous#au fydd didnt die at all hes just built like that#and au aris only died once but her power again comes from her original universe aka uni hi uni#now Id have to do some math to figure out how many times au snek died but I dont wanna do that since itd be kinda complicated#but just trust me she died a lot and her friends also died a lot except for her brothers who only died once since they dont get revived#long story short: they stopped being supplied food
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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I want a cat. I want 5 cats. they'll help me actually live by being what I need to take care of so I have to take care of myself
#i just want to be less of an emotional and laborious burden on my family. i hate making them take care of me when i fall off on health#idk im sad and hungry#i still think it could be feasible to maybe turn the bedroom into a better use of space and we'd maybe all be able to sleep in it at once#and the whole other side house can belong to them and our side with us#idk. maybe they'd think it's not responsible enough to stuff our shit in one place but like#idk man i just want away from you people I'm tired of your voices I'm tired of your faces I'm tired of having to be around u worry about u#i dont fucking care i just don't ever want to see them again#idk i just hate how more and more i just get an anxiety response to them and it just gets worse over time#like its to the point now where like i dont even want them to talk to my children unsupervised. you dont get to influence them#like they fucking ruined their first and only attempt at having a kid im not fucking letting you do it again i dont trust you to ever#do any errands for me and my kids alone with them. like theyre not talking to them! sorry! you guys had nothing good to say in any emotional#level and anytime you guys have kids over all you do is make fun of them! so! you dont get to talk to my kids ever!#im genuinely so sad that its come to this but also like its not like theyve even done anything for me. its not like they know me#i dont fucking like them either like#i just want to never have to hear or see them ever again they bring me that much distress#i kind of just want to disappear in general because i feel like these thoughts r cruel so i may as well just kms bc im only gonna get worse
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i think some ppl dont understand the difference between being full on consciously bigoted + going out of your way to harass a minority and someone who heard phrases from their friends and family while not actually holding any ill will towards whichever minority
#i was both best friends with a black girl in middle school and also had my sister showing me racist videos and stereotypes#did it make me say things that i totally shouldnt have and didnt know i shouldnt say? for fucking sure- regardless i still never personally#saw her as bad or less than or anything at all. it probably helped that my childhood friend was filipino bc i was already exposed to#different people. its like the whole words vs actions thing. ppl would say words to me and i would parrot them thinking i was being#funny like my brother or sister but ultimately i never saw anyone as different than me and never really treated anyone differently either#i was a child who didnt understand the weight or meaning of things i parroted and trusted those around me to know better#since i was literally a fuckin' child. thats kinda what they do. and no one ever really countered me if i did something wrong?#there was one time in like 2nd grade where i had just come from a really christiany catholicy school to a different better cooler school#that was less oppressive and DIDNT require me to participate in church shit and wear a uniform-#and i was still not very exposed to black people at that time yet#so when i was in second grade there was a black kid (different person from my friend in middle school) and we were sitting at a table#and i was just kinda making an observation like 'you're black!' not a negative thing just like 'oh! i understand what this is! i know what#this is ive heard of ppl like this before and maybe met one or two black ppl previously!' lmao and then i followed it up with 'like martin#luther king!' bc he was probably one of the only black ppl i knew about and i literally learned about him when i visited the school for#the first time to try it out in first grade and then apparently everyone thought i was being super offensive??????????????????#??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#i dont really remember the details and my gma remembers an entirely different thing so idek whats the truth but thats how i remember it#going down. i wasnt trying to be rude or offensive i was just like 'oh you're this! like this person ive heard of! neat :)!' and apparently#it got interpreted as a really bad thing that i said and idk. that was probably one of the weirder experiences i had growing up#like maybe its not always fun to be known for the minority you are bc of a famous person whos of the same minority...?? idk#i still to this day dont know what i said wrong really. i just wasnt exposed to very many black ppl#i knew of like one black girl once at a gymnastics thing i did sometimes and we were friends and i was a tiny tiny child all of this#happening way before 2nd grade and all i remember is her dad and my dad talking and me going to her fancy house to swim in her pool#once. and then i stopped doing gymnastics for whatever reason. so i wasnt exactly super exposed to black ppl frequently.#esp since the christianty-catholicy school was full of rich white kids. and so was my neighborhood at the time.#so i wasnt trying to be mean or offensive to this guy in 2nd grade but it got interpreted that way and then everyone treated me different#bc ig they thought i was a certain way bc the teachers were overreacting a bit. i have no idea. i really just think that one white#girl just liked to bully me and didnt actually have a good reason why and im tired of trying to humor ppl thinking its bc i was a bigot 😒#like i wouldnt be surprisedif nowadays that how she tries to justify it but NONE of what she ever did was calling me out or anything#it was ALLLLL treating me different for being 'weird' in her eyes. but i digress.
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#i love characters who fuck up momentarily#i know ppl portray dr.ift as this malevolent being incapable of doing wrong bc hes trying so hard to do it right#but i think he deserves to be a little annoying and to accidentally push ppl away bc of that#sometimes youre trying to convince ppl youre the better good SO BAD that you end up being a little too convincing and also annoying#and perhaps even hurtful#maybe youre fucking crushing it. maybe youre screwing it up. not everyone is going to simply Deal With It.#anyway i dont think hed ever question ro.d on the name change thing.#i think hed understand#he did get his name changed then changed it back to detach the person deadlock is from himself#its like. a coping mechanism#but also its not like roddy ever says anything#dont get me wrong i think they share all sorts of stuff#i think theyre good friends#but i dont think rodimus is the type to bare his heart to anyone even if he trusts them#its not out of fear of vulnerability. well not entirely anyway#its this deep fear of being seen differently#being seen as something disgusting and rotten#drift is one of the few ppl who get it. sure they share sins. they share a life#but its not quite the same#nyon was not at war. he was not consumed by anger. he simply was someone with the power to destroy it all#and he took that power without so much as blinking until it was done.#and not even after that. canonically its like#nobody remembers nyon. rod has completely detached himself from it#who gives a shit abt a city nobody remembers? why should he#anyway#hmmmmmm.#ahem.#sorry#ooc / misty forest
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https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2015/04/14/map-these-are-the-worlds-least-religious-countries/
https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2015/06/which-is-the-most-peaceful-country-in-the-world/
also
light blue is least democratic, dark blue is most. kinda seems to align a lot better with the "most peaceful countries" map. turns out the problem is any ideology being twisted for nefarious reasons and not religion specifically and exclusively. I mean, look at fucking china.
#Opinion http://dlvr.it/T8kCbl
#antitheist cope#canada? sure. australia? sure. parts of europe? sure.#but lets look at china here though....... or azerbaijan#or how mexico and the upper part of south america are slightly less religious but still not exactly as 'peaceful' as other countries#with similar levels of religiosity#check out argentina down there. very religious and also very peaceful. or a lot of the countries in SEA.#and lots of europe is still very religious and also. look. still very peaceful.#also. we're just ignoring the huge chunk of data we dont have rn? theres so many countries we dont even have the data on the religiosity#of them.#the data is too incomplete for me to say confidently either way and it should be for you too#op where even is the source for this#antithiests really gotta tell themselves religions the only problem so they dont ever have to think about if they have the potential#to twist their own ideology for the worst#'i-it has to be religion right??? Id never do anything that bad with my beliefs.... right??? right?????? it has to be religion it has to!!!#we're like JUST coming into an era where people are more athiestic. give it a couple years. maybe 100 even or more.#once when we have more athiestic countries then maybe we can come to a conclusion over whether its religion or not. I'm betting the#problem isnt religion though. the problem is always authoritarianism and a desire for control. religion is just an easy#tool for gaining that control- but not the only one. look at soviet russia.#its not 'these countries have become more athiestic and thus democratic' its 'these countries have become more democratic#which means more people are free to be athiests' the problem is ALWAYS authoritarianism. not religion itself.#who am I gonna trust. this grainy jpg likely made by a angry biased antitheist teen and- im guessing- posted it to his facebook#or several much more reputable sources? tough pick#how can you not be distressed about such little data from africa or the middle east here. i doubt your source has any more data#than mine
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Please - Matt Sturniolo
summary: you've never been interested in sex, not until you met your boyfriend matt. when you ask him to take your virginity he obviously gives you what you ask for.
contains: virgin!reader, gentle!matt, virginity loss, fluff, smut, aftercare, fingering.
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i'm a virgin, it's not like i have a real reason for it, but i've never found a guy i could trust.
matt and i have been dating for 2 months and we've done just about everything, execpt for hooking up. matt's never pushed me to do anything which i appreciate. but now that i've got to know matt i've been craving him, his touch.
7:29pm
i cuddle close to matt's side in bed as i stare at his phone, i watch him scroll through tiktok aimlessly.
i look up at matts side profile, a light stubble spread across his jaw. his blue eyes are locked on his screen.
i move my leg over matt's, shifting closer to him so my crotch is pressed against the side of his leg.
i sigh lightly, closing my eyes as i feel a heat grow between my thighs.
it's the way matt's lips are red, almost begging to be kissed that turns me on.
i don't even realise it, but i'm pathetically rubbing my clit against his leg.
"you okay sweetheart?" matt whispers from above me,
"what-? no i'm fine." i play it off,
matt places his phone down before shifting up, his back resting against the headboard.
matt grabs me under my arms and drags me up onto his lap, i straddle him and look down at him
matt just stares into my eyes like hes waiting for me to say something.
"matt.." i mutter, fidgeting with the ties of his sweatpants.
he looks at my lips, nodding understandably.
"i think that i want you to touch me, i- i need you." i say softly,
matt rubs his eyes, hes clearly flustered.
"what?" he says with a small laugh.
"matt don't make me say it again." i sigh, reaching my hands up and covering my face.
"tell me what you want and i'll give it to you y/n." matt says, grabbing my wrists and tugging them away from my pink face.
i hesitate for a second before speaking
"i want you to fuck me matt." i spit out, matt smiles lightly
"i can definitely do that for you," matt speaks, earning a playful slap from me.
matt reaches for the hem of my shirt, tugging it lightly. i grab his hand to stop him for a second.
"matt- i'm a virgin." i whisper, matt's eyes widen
"thats okay! thats perfectly fine." matt nods, making me feel better. "are you sure you want to do this? we don't have to if you're not ready."
"i don't really know what i'm doing." i mumble, matt nods before grabbing my chin, making me look at him.
i adjust myself on matt's lap to make myself comfortable.
"do you ever.. touch yourself?" matt asks quietly,
"um- i don't know." i reply shyly.
"you don't know?" he teases, earning a small giggle from me.
"yes- yeah i do, shut up-" i laugh, "how often?" matt asks
"every week or so- maybe." i whisper, matt nods before sitting up off the headboard.
he stands up, holding me up by my ass as he starts to mark up my neck with hickeys. matt lays me down on the matress and takes a step back. he reaches out his cold hand to the waistband of my sweat-shorts.
"can i take these off pretty girl?" he asks softly, i nod frantically "yeah- yes."
he slowly slides my shorts down my thighs, keeping a straight face the whole time.
he chucks them to the side of the room, i dont waste time to tug off my shirt aswell,
leaving me in my matching white lace bra and panties on the bed under matt, suddenly the realisation hits that this is actually happening. i shoot up into a seated position quickly,
"hey- you okay?" matt laughs slightly,
"matt" my voice wobbles, concern washes over his face.
"whats going baby-?" he speaks with worry laced in his voice
"im scared." i whisper out, he sits down on the bed next to me, "what if it hurts- and i'm not gonna be good at this matt- i don't know what to do well" i ramble out
"you don't have to be good, you dont have to do anything, you can just lay back and i'll talk you through it, would you like that?" matts voice is gentle,
"and it won't hurt, i promise."
i nod with a shaky sigh, he grabs my jaw and presses his lips against mine.
"right- so what's going to happen is i'm going to stretch 'ya out a little first is that okay?" matts tone is more gentle and understanding now.
"okay." i mumble, laying back on the matress as my legs dangle off the edge of the bed.
matt kneels between my legs, he gently pulls my panties down my legs while his cold finger tips trace circles on my inner thighs.
"you're gonna take two fingers for me?" matt says, i sink my top teeth into my bottom lip with a small giggle.
he presses the pad of his finger against my hole, he slowly pushes his large finger inside of me.
the cold metal of his rings against the warmth of my walls makes me squirm already.
matt doesnt waste time to push another finger inside of me, the stretch burns.
i've only ever fingered myself, my fingers are significantly smaller than matts so the feeling is different.. better.
he curls his fingers inside of me, repeatedly hitting a spot which is making the knot in my stomach clench.
"matt- oh my god!" i whimper out as he spreads his fingers apart inside of me. "it feels so good-" i babble,
i squeeze my eyes shut,
my eyes instantly spring back open as i feel matt's soft lips against my clit.
my hands instantly find there way to his brunette locks, my fingers intertwine into them.
i clench around his fingers again as he curls them
suddenly he pulls out of me, edging me completley
"matt!-" i start to protest, but he shushes me
"sh- sh i know, don't want you to cum yet cause we don't want to overstimulate you baby" matt says softly, tugging down his sweatpants.
there is a various obvious bulge in his sweatpants, i squeeze my thighs together as i look at it. matt runs a hand through his hair before tugging down his boxers, letting them fall to his ankles.
i sit up on my elbows as i stare at his erection, he is big.
very big.
"matt- how is that meant to fit inside of me- you said it wasn't going to hurt" i start to ramble, matt lets out a small laugh
"don't boost my ego." he laughs while rubbing his eyes
"matt seriously! the most i've ever had was your fingers which was like- 2 minutes ago!" i whine
"you'll be okay, i promise" matt chuckles,
"just lay back for me, you can hold my hand." matt says,
holding matt's hands and fingers have always been an anxiety response for me, he knows its comforting to me thats why he lets me whenever i'm scared.
he grabs my hand as i lay back, he grabs his base with his spare hand and lines himself up with me. "are you sure?" he asks again,
"yes- please!" i say impatiently,
he presses his tip, but nothing happens. "are you in?" i breathe out, he shakes his head
matt hesitates for a second before letting my hand go, he walks over to his closet.
"what-" i whisper, he turns back around with a bottle of lube in his hand which he holds shyly.
"its not gonna be comfortable for you if we don't have this." matt says to me as he squeezes some of the cold liquid out onto my folds
he reaches down and spreads some on his length, "lets try this again" he laughs.
matt grabs my hand again before pushing inside of me, i let out a wince.
"you're doing so well, so good for me baby, you've taken the tip." matt praises me,
"do you want more?" he asks teasingly, "yes- please" i beg
matt presses further into me, my walls stretch around him as i let out loud moans, somewhat pleasured but also a mix of pain.
he finally bottoms out, a low whimper falling from his red lips. "are you feeling okay?" his voice shakes
"i- i don't know." i laugh slightly, "do you want me to move?" matt asks, rubbing my fingers with his hand.
"yes- i think so" i smile at him stupidly before matt thrusts, he does small thrusts, being careful not to go too deep.
"you are- so fucking tight." matt says under his breath.
after several thrusts the pain goes away, now pleasure coarses through my body.
"i- oh my fuck, this feels s-so good" i stammer,
"youre taking me so well, you know you are." he says, locking eyes with me.
"you feel so good around me princess, so so good." matt's voice wobbles, he's holding back everything he has to not cum now.
i arch my back with a pathetic moan, feeling a familiar feeling in my stomach come back. matt places an arm by my head, caging me slightly.
"matt- oh fuck" i whine, squeezing his hand impossibly tight. i feel matt's dick twitch inside of me as his cheeks flush red.
abrubtly the knot in my stomach snaps, i didn't even realise it was coming until it did.
i clench hard around matt and feel warmth flow through my whole body, i release with a loud scream of his name as i claw at his back.
matt pulls out almost instantly, painting my chest and neck with white, my eyes widen as i sit up, but i instantly fall back down onto my back,
"shit i- i am so sorry for that aim" matt laughs
he reaches his palm out and wipes my neck clean, before collapsing down next to me.
"i love you so much matt" i mumble sleepily.
"i love you too princess" matt grins, pulling me close to his side. he pecks my face with kisses.
"im sorry for finishing so fast, i didn't even know it was coming-" i start up, matt shuts me up with a hand over my mouth
"im actually glad you finished fast, i was literally battling inner demons to not finish as soon as i started fucking you." matt breathes out.
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@luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle @h3arts4harry @sonicmacks @jamiesturniolo @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @sturniolo-simp4life @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @recklessmatt @ev3rgreenxtrees @lovergirl4387 @certifiednatelover @solarsturniolo @mattsenthusiast @yomamaslays4lyfe @peachmels @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209 @creamoncreamoncream2 @szobofc @mattscoquette @blahbell668 @sturniolo04 @ecilphttlunar @bitchydragonparadise @thematthewlover r @sturni0l0 @ratatioulle @sturnsfav @chrisgetsmewetterxo @mattsonly @justalittle47 @mattsturnioloisbae @sunsetsturniolos @sturniolo04 @similartokayyz @pkfferoo @sturnsintrouble @ilovemattsturn @raysmayhem-72 @75sturn @sturniol0s @secret-sturniolo @hfkeclnendmwodne @sturniolosass @gxldenlush @stonermattsgf @101sara @beccaluvschris @oliviasturniolo21
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man. getting a little sick of being everyones 15th option for everything. when is it my turn to be someone's first choice :^[
#or even second tbh I'll take it#i had a couple old friends from college msg me recently to tell me what theyve been up to#which is sweet and i care abt them n wanna hear it! but they dont ask after me or show any interest in how I'm doing#and it makes me feel like I'm just their journal or smth. a brick wall they happen to be standing near#don't get me wrong I love to be useful. but when ppl only ever interact w u bc they need smth from u. well.#rly not doing anything good for this complex im developing where my self worth is directly tied to my usefulness to other ppl lmfao#i dont want to be ppls fucking dog!! or not any more than i already am but whatever thats all im good for i guess!!#and i desperately want someone to be my fave person rn bc all my energy is going nowhere + im at my best when im at my most devoted#so ppl treating me like this rn is just making me incredibly vulnerable to being taken advantage of.#like yeah i am eager to please and ill follow anyone around and do whatever for a crumb of attention but maybe#if you're actually my friend u shouldnt be encouraging that behaviour. even if it makes u feel good like cmon thats not so cool man#or if you ARE going to encourage it then maybe u should acknowledge the power dynamic ur creating + try not to abuse it. idk 🤷♂️#urgh idk maybe im just saying words rn im very tired#I just feel like all the friendships etc I have atm are slipping into that dangerously unbalanced zone + becoming v one way#and I don't know what I'm doing wrong I'm trying the best I can and I guess its just not enough for anyone and that really really sucks#I'm doing better mentally rn but I dont currently have a support system + there are a lot of destabilising forces in my life#so im just. worried abt the direction things could take if I lose this foothold I've dragged myself onto yknow.#and I wouldnt have to be so worried abt that all of the time if I just had someone literally anyone I could rely on or even trust#but oh well. it is what it is. doing all I can to take care of myself so hopefully it won't come to that anyway.#sorry for rambling on so much if u read this far I'm giving u a kiss on the cheek don't worry abt me honey I've got this#anywayy goodnight#.vent#.diaries
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as big as the friend confession scene is i love this part best. laios is ofc still under the impression that kabru likes monster food and went thru this big effort to make something special for him and then kabru goes out of his way to be so warm and sweet, and frankly a bit flirtatious like i know he thinks that exit killed it
and hes kinda right bc laios cannot stop staring after him when he leaves and i cannot attribute all that to him being confused about what kabru meant by "dont forget me next time". like laios means it if he says something like "meeting you was the best part of this" those are not empty words even if hes under a false impression about kabru--i dont think its just that kabru shared his interest that has his attention either. i think its bc kabru really engaged with him. i dont think his opinion wouldve changed much if kabru said "nahhhh im good i wont eat a monster cool for you tho have fun" instead of saying he would try it
(and he really is trying the 'laugh at anything he says so he'll feel special' strat here huh.....)
and kabru despite being a stranger he helped get thru to shuro about falins resurrection
and he does it with a sensitivity and care that laios wishes he was capable of and he know it limits him as a leader
the thought laios keeps having about kabru isnt "wow he loves monsters too!" its "wow he is sooooo nice :3" which he is! at this stage he likes kabru bc he feels heard by him and kabru has qualities he knows he lacks but admires greatly and didnt make fun of him or call him weird for his interest in monsters
the way kabru acts and thinks about laios at this point feels allegorical to how people feel in new relationships. can i trust you? are you who you seem? if i tell you how ive been hurt, will you use this to hurt me or to protect me? i dont know yet, but i like you so far, so im going to show you the self that i think you'll like best. i want to impress you. i want you to trust me so maybe i can trust you
so much of dungeon meshi is about the way that we accidentally hurt our loved ones because we cant always understand them, or we dont know whats best for them when theyve been hurt in such complex ways, or because were too scared of being hurt again to tell them not to press into the bruise (see: chimera falin, falin giving up parts of her life to suit/protect marcille and laios bc she loves them, laios driving marcille deeper into the winged lions grip TWICE with his advice in the nightmares and again with the dungeon rabbits, everything chilchuck has ever done in his whole life, laios' father's everything also, and this is a labru post so ofc kabru lying about wanting to eat monsters to impress laios) i wouldnt be surprised if the allegory was intentional
anyways this part of their relationship budding into a toxic little flower theyll have to prune later is very cute to me and i really like reading it again knowing how they turn their relationship around later into one built on a mutual understanding and trust
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