#i dont really remember the details and my gma remembers an entirely different thing so idek whats the truth but thats how i remember it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

snekdood · 11 months ago

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i think some ppl dont understand the difference between being full on consciously bigoted + going out of your way to harass a minority and someone who heard phrases from their friends and family while not actually holding any ill will towards whichever minority

#i was both best friends with a black girl in middle school and also had my sister showing me racist videos and stereotypes #did it make me say things that i totally shouldnt have and didnt know i shouldnt say? for fucking sure- regardless i still never personally #saw her as bad or less than or anything at all. it probably helped that my childhood friend was filipino bc i was already exposed to #different people. its like the whole words vs actions thing. ppl would say words to me and i would parrot them thinking i was being #funny like my brother or sister but ultimately i never saw anyone as different than me and never really treated anyone differently either #i was a child who didnt understand the weight or meaning of things i parroted and trusted those around me to know better #since i was literally a fuckin' child. thats kinda what they do. and no one ever really countered me if i did something wrong?#there was one time in like 2nd grade where i had just come from a really christiany catholicy school to a different better cooler school #that was less oppressive and DIDNT require me to participate in church shit and wear a uniform-#and i was still not very exposed to black people at that time yet #so when i was in second grade there was a black kid (different person from my friend in middle school) and we were sitting at a table #and i was just kinda making an observation like 'you're black!' not a negative thing just like 'oh! i understand what this is! i know what #this is ive heard of ppl like this before and maybe met one or two black ppl previously!' lmao and then i followed it up with 'like martin #luther king!' bc he was probably one of the only black ppl i knew about and i literally learned about him when i visited the school for #the first time to try it out in first grade and then apparently everyone thought i was being super offensive??????????????????#??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#i dont really remember the details and my gma remembers an entirely different thing so idek whats the truth but thats how i remember it #going down. i wasnt trying to be rude or offensive i was just like 'oh you're this! like this person ive heard of! neat :)!' and apparently #it got interpreted as a really bad thing that i said and idk. that was probably one of the weirder experiences i had growing up #like maybe its not always fun to be known for the minority you are bc of a famous person whos of the same minority...?? idk #i still to this day dont know what i said wrong really. i just wasnt exposed to very many black ppl #i knew of like one black girl once at a gymnastics thing i did sometimes and we were friends and i was a tiny tiny child all of this #happening way before 2nd grade and all i remember is her dad and my dad talking and me going to her fancy house to swim in her pool #once. and then i stopped doing gymnastics for whatever reason. so i wasnt exactly super exposed to black ppl frequently.#esp since the christianty-catholicy school was full of rich white kids. and so was my neighborhood at the time.#so i wasnt trying to be mean or offensive to this guy in 2nd grade but it got interpreted that way and then everyone treated me different #bc ig they thought i was a certain way bc the teachers were overreacting a bit. i have no idea. i really just think that one white #girl just liked to bully me and didnt actually have a good reason why and im tired of trying to humor ppl thinking its bc i was a bigot 😒#like i wouldnt be surprisedif nowadays that how she tries to justify it but NONE of what she ever did was calling me out or anything #it was ALLLLL treating me different for being 'weird' in her eyes. but i digress.

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