#maybe a little of my bias shows hmm

[larothoughts]

qijiu thoughts: complicated codependence

after reading a few more shen jiu fics i figured maybe the diverging point when it comes to fan-interpretation is understanding how codependent qijiu is. like, it's not just qi-ge who won't let go of shen jiu, shen jiu 100% spitefully, unwillingly yet helplessly refuses to let go of qi-ge either. the obvious author answer to this is for sj to remove himself from qi-ge because of toxic codependence (see my rant on anti-qijiu pro-sj fics), except i don't think it's in-character for him to ever do so??

the man literally died twice because he couldn't let go of qi-ge until the very, very end. he'll never give up on him as easily as he does in fic, this man is a canonical stubborn asshole who can't let go of anything. that's his entire problem lol

(first time was obviously after lbh gave him xuan su's shards. sj, who had spent the entire time being tortured refusing to bend, cracks at the realization that qi-ge came this time and died. i forgot if him eating xuan su's shards is canon in the qijiu extras or if it's a fanon theory, but i 100% find this in-character of sj to do as a final f*** you to the universe.)

(second time was the qi deviation that caused shen yuan to take over his life. i'll go over this later, but i believe sqh, who transmigrated decades before, likely tried to nudge qijiu into reconciling and instead made it worse. so while in the og!pidw universe, sj never deviated hard enough to die; in this svsss universe, sqh trying to get sj to face his own heart demons literally caused him to die. oops. system got pretty mad because lbh MUST go into the abyss, and so had to scramble to find a sj replacement lol)

preface

much of this is my own interpretation of things btw. i haven't read the qijiu extras in a while so it's very possible some of these things don't follow canon. especially the whole cognitive dissonance part. i've always leaned towards the 'shen jiu is an unreliable, in-denial narrator of his own story, he can't admit anything to himself until he's literally at death's door' interpretation of sj's tsundereness, so that's 100% my own bias peeking through here.

how qing ding peak made everything worse

this a fanon theory i like that has merit given how long qijiu had problems: things would've been so much different if yue qi wasn't chosen by qing ding. like, literally any other peak, qijiu would've had 75% chance of having a happy ending. i feel like any peak with a halfway decent lord with basic empathy skills would have thought 'hmm yes, if we rescue the friend of this little prodigy we can ensure his loyalty to us for life' instead of 'let's dangle the chance of rescuing his friend as a way to get this kid to work as hard as he can until it's too late, then allow the failure to break him down completely so we can reshape him into the perfect successor.' though to be honest the former sect leader probably didn't expect yue qi to literally be broken down.

my thought is that the sect leader kept putting off the rescue over and over, hoping to drag things out until the inevitable happened. but yue qi, naturally wary of adults, panicked once he realized what his shizun was doing. he tried to pull xuan su without permission to force the leader into acknowledging his strength and letting him go... which then led to the entire soul-binding fiasco we see in canon. sure, the former sect leader could've lost his newest experiment, but throwing him into the caves had the bonus of making him late anyway. so a success all around everyone!

we can further theorize the character of the previous sect leader (and how his grooming of yue qi possibly led to his guilt complex and inability to communicate his honest feelings) but ultimately it was qing ding peak's teachings itself that led to yqy's inability to reconcile with sj. because qing ding is the diplomat's peak. the politics peak. the peak where people often cannot say exactly what they mean, must never overtly show favor to anyone, must control every single thing they do or say else the political fallout ruins their sect's reputation.

so it really didn't help that their reunion happened in the middle of sj committing pretty bad crimes like murdering and looting disciples. yue qi went immediately into political clean-up mode, sj misunderstood yue qi's silence as 'i will never tell you' instead of 'not now sj we need to bury these bodies in the bushes', and then later sj was so scornful yue qi's guilt-complex kicked in and he figured 'sj will never forgive me, obviously he doesn't want to hear excuses.' and as yue qi's political position grew, the less he could overtly support and protect shen jiu. the more careful he was of his words and actions, so far removed from the qi-ge sj once knew that sj can't help but lash out. by the time yqy was mentally well enough to talk about the lingxi cave fiasco (if ever), sj had already built up a protective wall of 'this qi-ge is an imposter, the real qi-ge would not have left me.' and yqy didn't know how to tell him the truth without sj's psyche collapsing in on itself. so... he just continued not to tell him.

in which qi-ge is alive but also dead, as declared by shen jiu

sj barely recognized qi-ge once they reunited. yue qi has always been the peacemaker amongst the rowdy slaves, sure, but he'd always been on sj's side. he told sj everything, things he never told the other slaves, and only really clammed up when they were facing beatings by adults in a true us-versus-them scenario. now, however, he's clamming up with shen jiu. he hates it, this intrinsically qi-ge thing that this fake qi-ge doesn't realize he's doing. more than the shiny clothes and well-fed appearance, this is what makes the chasm between them feel real. qi-ge never came back for him, because qi-ge was dead. cang qiong killed qi-ge and all that's left is this qi-ge puppet going through motions of caring for sj it obviously doesn't understand.

(this is easier for him to accept, because if yue qi wasn't mentally dead than he really did willingly abandon shen jiu in the dirt, and accepting that would make shen jiu lose his mind.)

now what to do when qi-ge is dead and he doesn't need sj to protect him anymore? logically, sj should've stayed long enough to fix his cultivation, save up funds, and then leave to become a rogue cultivator before his past had the chance to catch up to him. but sj is not logical. he's spiteful and angry and contrary. he claws his way up the disciple hierarchy on qing jing and spits in the face of yue qi's awkward overtures. he hates the other qing jing disciples, his own shizun, lqg and a bunch of the other head disciples; in fact, he hates cang qiong as a whole because they were the ones that took qi-ge away from him. but at the end of the day, a dead qi-ge puppet is still kind of qi-ge and even if qi-ge threw sj away that didn't mean the reverse was true. sj will not give even a dead puppet qi-ge up; he belongs to him whether he likes it or not (/spitefully).

so as it becomes clearer and clearer that yue qi will indeed become the next sect leader, sj begrudgingly finds himself stuck in cang qiong. one would think things would get better after the former peak lords ascend, since that meant the evil brainwashing sect leader and the resentful qiu-naming qing jing peak lord would've finally fucked off. but no, things actually get worse.

because now that the former sect leader isn't actively sabotaging qijiu's relationship (sure, he didn't mean to break yue qi's mind that bad, but even the worst broken eggs can be turned into a decent obedient successor, except shen jiu's continued existence is threatening to undo all his hard work) yue qi is more able to try and make overt amends. the problem is, by acting more like the real qi-ge, he's threatening sj's mental defense of 'qi-ge is dead, this qi-ge is a fake.'

when cognitive dissonance gives you qi deviations

the more qi-ge acts like he's honestly sorry, the more shen jiu must accept that qi-ge isn't dead. that he either chose to leave sj behind (devastating given sj's abandonment issues) or was forced to leave sj behind and refused to tell him why (more abandonment issues; does he not trust sj anymore??) worse for peak morale, the more overtly sj rejects yqy, the more annoyed the other peak lords get. doesn't sj know how bad it looks for their sect, to have their top two lords fighting like this?? why is yqy not shutting it down, isn't he a politician?

well yes, but as sect leader he now has the freedom to pick and choose when to put his politicking hat on. lqg follows sqq to a brothel and causes a ruckus in the middle of the street? scold sqq for being so overt, because they both know the best way into the brothel is through the back via code word! they learned how to sneak into brothels as street kids ages ago and sqq could have totally done so discreetly! argue with lqg but refuse to explain himself? sqq please, he can't take your side for no reason, especially in front of all these peak lords who already knows he favors you!!

and because shen jiu is facing the cognitive dissonance of qi-ge's... qi-ge-ness, he sets up tests rigged to fail no matter how yqy responds. this way he is always right! if yqy sides with sj, sj's annoyed because he's clearly trying to placate him like a child. if yqy sides against sj, he's obviously choosing to abandon sj again!!

yqy is fully aware of the trap because yqy is a trained politician capable of reading social cues (and sj hasn't changed all that much from when they were kids, he still has that same spiteful edge to him yqy is so fond of). he intentionally falls for them because (1) he deserves to be hated by sj and (2) being hated by sj keeps him from lashing out too much at the other peak lords. yqy is very used to sj's temper tantrums, it's when he lashes out at other people that things become unmanageable.

(during the latter half of their rule over cang qiong, i feel that yqy learned to stop actively chasing reconciliation. he came around for tea and present-giving, kept things civil, and still let sj get away with all kinds of terrible things. he fell for all of sj's traps with his eyes wide open and it infuriates sj, everything about this drives him mad. he doesn't want this soft, unspoken affection, because this was how qi-ge used to handle sj's tsundereness back when they were on the streets. it's another sign that qi-ge is still qi-ge, and this fact brings sj both selfish comfort and undeniable agony.)

it's an awkward balancing act that continues to sour sj's reputation with the other peak lords, but it's mostly manageable until sqh sticks his nose into their business and pushes sj over the edge.

how transmigrators ruin everything

"maybe yqy did something impulsive, did you think of that? why can't you forgive him, he tried so hard? aren't you tired of being angry all the time?" bitch no, sj has been keeping the worst of the qi deviations away for years by performing mental gymnastics around his walls of denial stOP KNOCKING THEM DOWN. Even worse, lbh arrives on the peak and shen jiu hates him. not just because he's got all the potential shen jiu had stolen away from him, but he's so glad to be here. he's making his mother proud. all while shen jiu was dragged here essentially against his will, trapped himself in this bamboo prison out of spite, and then realized the dead thing he's been looking after for decades isn't dead after all. that qi-ge actually did, for realsies, leave him at the qius. that all these overtures, the silent acceptance of his faults, everything could just be out of guilt (qi-ge is ashamed of him) and not out of a ghost reenacting its former lingering affection (the real qi-ge would've still loved him.)

the dissonance, abandonment issues, frustration and everything culminates in a devastating qi deviation. ironically, now that yqy's rule is mostly secure and sj's reputation has soured enough to start negatively affecting the sect, sj finally feels safe enough to let go. in this moment of emotional clarity, sj finally releases qi-ge from his grasp and decides to die.

that was not supposed to happen.

qi-ge's no good, very bad sacrifice

in another universe where og!sqh was too busy plotting to betray cang qiong mountain, the frosty and emotionally charged stand-off between yqy and sj continues for years. then, lqg dies. i'm torn between yqy believing sj killed lqg or not. either way, i don't think he'd be 'disappointed' in sj as portrayed in some fics. i also don't think it would infuriate sj that yqy thinks he's capable of killing lqg, because if anyone knows how much of a murder kitten shen jiu is, it's yqy. maybe he's offended yqy thinks him dumb enough to kill him in such a sloppy way. maybe he's even more offended that this turns the other peak lords against him and yqy just lets it happen.

or maybe (through my qijiu-tinted glasses) it pisses him off that yqy does tell the peak lords that they should all stand together, and the other peak lords ignore him and hate sj anyway. they're disrespecting yqy because they think he is compromised, and sj worked too goddamn hard to solidify yqy's position to have it undone by a murder he didn't even do.

(ironically, if lqg was alive he'd tell the other peak lords to f*** off for disobeying yqy. lqg's canon respect for yqy is something i feel needs more acknowledgement, likely because i feel half the reason they don't get along is because of sj's utter disrespect of their sect leader. who cares if sj is a street rat or the son of a wealthy family, no one disrespects yue-shixiong!)

now the story of sj's road to becoming lbh's plaything is a well-worn track that everyone knows. i do subscribe to the idea that sj took one look at huan hua's eagerness, lbh's vendetta, and yqy's recklessness and made the same decision he did in the svsss verse: he'd rather qi-ge be free (happy) than dead. this is a battle he cannot win, and he'll be damned if he lets lbh drag cang qiong down with him. when yqy promises him he'll save him from the water prison, sj spits in his face and tells him for the final time that xiao jiu and qi-ge are both dead. he let sj go decades ago, and now sj is letting qi-ge go in return.

sj faces the torture with the tenacious spirit of someone who'd withstood worse torture for years. in fact, he's a bit impressed by lbh taking revenge on him the same way sj took revenge on qiu jianluo. either way, even with more than 50% of his body missing, sj faces his fate in utter defiance. and then lbh shows up with xuan su.

the reveal of qi-ge's failed rescue and demise was devastating for a lot of reasons. most obviously, sj's sacrifice to keep cang qiong safe from the fallout was a failure. everything he'd done and sacrificed to keep qi-ge safe, all the scorn he'd borne as the hated qing jing peak lord was thrown away because qi-ge wanted to be a moron.

the other reason why sj broke was because qi-ge did come for him. he simply failed. and the tiny part of him that always suspected qi-ge was still qi-ge now has confirmation that all those years ago, qi-ge likely did the same. he came for him at the qius, but he failed. the only difference now is lbh's willingness to tell him the truth vs. yqy's decades-long silence. the only difference now is that yqy is actually, physically dead.

sj has been living on borrowed time ever since he looked the new yqy (fake qi-ge) in the eyes and allowed himself to be brought to cang qiong mountain. everything he did was to elevate himself into a position where no one could hurt him (and qi-ge) anymore, the same way he'd acted back when they were on the streets. now that he was in this state and qi-ge was dead, his time was clearly up. and sj refuses to let lbh have the last laugh. as much as he respected lbh for his ruthlessness, it's not enough to stave off sj's spite. he didn't let qjl control him in the end, and he won't let lbh do so either.

final thoughts

some last, disorganized thoughts on qijiu's relationship

rather than yqy telling sj what happened, i think showing him the scars all over his body would be much more impactful. sj knows how worthless words can be; he's likely prefer being able to touch each scar and check the meridians for himself. yqy doesn't need to say a word, his entire body is a testament to the torture he'd endured.

ironically, sj fixing up cang qiong as a tactician and his personal refusal to put himself in weak situations made yqy incapable of showing his care through action. all of his crises were political/reputation-based/etc. all things qing ding's teachings guaranteed yqy to fail all his speech-checks. and yqy is definitely not the type of person to engineer a false crisis just to swoop in to save sj... not because of any moral reasons, but because risking sj in any way would be absolutely unacceptable. in yqy's world, it's sj > the sect > good morals. he does have good morals, yes, but he's also pragmatic and self-aware enough to know when to put the things he cares about first.

there was a theory i read before about yqy and sj's trauma responses being to shut down and say nothing in the face of accusations, and i agree with this. saying nothing often netted less punishment than 'making excuses.' even without this coping mechanism, the mental trauma of having his mind and body broken could've easily stopped yqy from being able to even speak around the topic for years. if he doesn't talk about it and no one sees his scars, he can pretend it never happened. sj's scorn of him is forever a sign that it did happen, but that's fine, he's always made exceptions for shen jiu.

i don't really know where the uncomfortably-creepy-no-boundaries yqy towards sy came from? in the original novel sy clearly like yqy and views him in a positive, big-brother-shape light. even towards the end of the novel when yqy confesses, sy feels more guilty for being an imposter than angry that yqy failed sj. yqy even steps aside for lbh thinking 'well, at least sqq is happy now' because that's what he wanted for sj for so, so long. for him to be happy, even if that meant forgetting qi-ge.

(the no-boundaries thing is something i disagree with in general, because i think yqy's political and social training would make that very unlikely. he doesn't call sqq xiao-jiu as often as he does in fics, i think he did so in canon because he was delirious and exhausted post-drawing-xuan-su. i figured qijiu's latter years cooled off a bit as yqy realized direct overtures weren't working and went the coaxing-stray-cat route to everyone else's befuddlement.)

does qi-ge know sy is not sj? i can go either way with this. the theory that he does know but he's repressing it out of his own mental wellbeing is intriguing; but so is him assuming sj losing his memories means sy is a different person. which means he's always been happier without qi-ge. either way, i do believe yqy no longer views sqq-y the same as sqq-j. after the first few years post-qi-deviation, i think yqy is emotionally mature enough to realize sy is here to stay and that the sj he once knew (either because of his lost memories or whole-soul transplantation) is gone.

i am a qijiu shipper, but i do also like platonic qijiu. my only prerequisite for any other-ship-jiu fic is some kind of qijiu reconciliation. i honestly don't think either of them would have good romantic relationships unless they fix their own relationship first. qi-ge can't marry someone, that would remove sj from being the most important person on qi-ge's list. despite scorning him, sj being number one is one of the only things holding sj together throughout their divorce era. sj cannot marry anyone because that would give qi-ge the false impression that sj is happy and qi-ge is now free. and qi-ge is not allowed to be free. he will belong to sj for as long as sj wants and nothing is allowed to interfere with that impression. lol both of these are sj-based, but sj's always been the dominant party in this relationship. whether or not qi-ge is jealous of sj's new lover is irrelevant; as long as sj is happy, the og!sj-simp qi-ge is also happy.

i have too many qijiu thoughts and not enough time to write a fic about them, alas. i find their relationship fascinating and very integral to their personalities no matter the au or ship.

[iznsfw]

Perhaps it's only fate that you're the one to have caught the eyes of the three school belles.

Jang Wonyoung—young, rich, tall, beautiful are the words everyone use to describe her. After all, it's all part of her lifestyle as the rich chaebol daughter. However, you know one more adjective that's special to you only—bratty.

"Hi Daddy, I'm not wearing any underwear today. No bra, no panties, all bare underneath these pesky clothes right now. Can we skip classes, please? I'm so wet and needy for you already..."

Kim Gaeul—stern, composed, firm. It's in her to be like that—student council presidents aren't known to be lenient and kind anyway. However, she's got you wrapped around her finger(s) [and strap] every time you're alone with her—that's where she's very... kind to you.

"Mm, that's right, babygirl. Ride Mommy's strap just like that, suck Mommy's fingers just like that. God, you must've needed me so badly, hmm? So needy that you're already making a mess of my lap? It's a good thing Mommy likes you, babygirl. Now cum, cum for Mommy to watch."

An Yujin—cheerful, bubbly, and a joy to be with. It's her nature to be such an oversized puppy—"social butterfly" is what she is, and as your tutor, not only is she the saviour of your grades, she's always around to be a listening ear and a pick-me-up when you need it. However, here's the thing—you're her favourite tutee too, and it shows.

"Mm, fuck, honey, you're so wet already... fuck, it just excites me so much knowing that I make you drip like that. How does my tongue feel, honey? Do you like it when I eat your pussy? I can't wait until you're squirting all over my face, fuck..."

If all of them called you for a fuck on the same day, which of the three do you think you'd pick?

Or are you going to be naughty and book all three of them on the same day? Or worse... at the same time? ;)

Love you, dear.

So I finally got to this.

Wony, Yujin, and Gaeul are my triumvriate—I love them so much I'd crack my own neck if they told me to. But okay, I'll give you a run-down and ranking of who I choose:

1. Wonyoung

I'm a sucker for daddy kink and Wonyoung's whole self screams that she likes it, too. She's very charming, composed, and beautiful—and she knows it. So she likes to use it to her advantage to get what she wants: a punishment.

That's my favorite trope: the misattribution of control. That's why I write about it all the tine. I could be throwing Wonyoung around in the sheets thinking I'm in charge but really, she's the one who holds the reins.

Wonyoung, marry me. You may or may not be topping (heh) Gaeul in my IVE bias list

2. Gaeul

I'm a Gaeul stan before a human. The first IVE fic I wrote was about her. She takes a more submissive role in my fics (not for long...) but I honestly think she's a soft dom. If ever, she's the kind whose degradation is a little sweet-sounding.

I love the kind of woman who could just kill me. I hope—

3. Yujin

She's the muse for The Devil's Telephone obviously, and I love her. I could definitely hear that dialogue in her voice and it's so hot but I have to put her in third because she's up against Gaeul.

Maybe I'll take them both. Then Wonyoung for later. Best for last.

This Frisky GOAT level ask makes me want to yell. I love you, Sins.

:woman_bowing:

[orphiclovers]

Hmm, now that I've actually read a different translation of Yoo Mia side story I feel way better about my own. In some places they matched almost perfectly, in some places the other person made a mistake, in some places I made a mistake they didn't, in some places the original was unclear and we both made the same editorial choices and in some places we made different ones, where I still have no idea who is right... at least now I know what's what, and that my back alley Yoo Mia side story version was actually real (I had been quietly worried it was fanfiction someone tricked me into thinking was official. But no. Now I've gotten multiple seperate sources confirming it's the real deal.)

I was afraid of accidentally inserting my own bias into the Yoo Mia side story with my fumbling attempts at editing, so I left a lot of unclear parts as they are, even if it looked bad. But, now I had the golden opportunity to double check those parts that I was unsure about, which I'm super grateful for, obviously! I see the other translator struggled in some of the same places I did.

Like, at the very beginning when Yoo Joonghyuk gets into Kang Woohyun's car and they talk. The other translators version is like this.

And here is what google translate gave me when I was making my version the first time.

I thought it was an obvious translation error because wtf why does he say the words twice? So this is how I edited it.

But now I'm thinking maybe it was in the original too, only meant to show Kang Woohyun was repeating the words while emphasizing the sylables. So if I was editing it now, I would do it something like this.

"I still eat well."

"Just lettuce and chicken breast, right? What diet is that? You have to eat rice. Rice! And beef too."

...That's as natural sounding as I could make it, anyway.

I won't do a total side-by-side comparison of every scene, since Yoo Mia side story is more than 12k words long and I'm not that crazy. There's a lot more little things like this. I'll just point out the most important one. (I know I'm the only person who cares this much but let me nerd out for a minute okay?)

I MISSED A PAGE! My back-alley version of the original just...didn't have it, even if everything before and after was the same. Here it is.

This is a totally new part that I've never seen before, but it's so real!!!

I FUCKING KNEW YOO MIA HAD A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT!!! I was actually writing a meta/theory post on it just now, it's in my drafts and everything (might still publish it if anyone's interested) since it was implied in the main story too but I don't know if a lot of people noticed. But because for some reason my Yoo Mia side story was missing the one single paragraph it was confirmed in, it was just a theory of mine. Now confirmed. Holy shit. I feel like fucking Matpat.

I don't know if anyone would be interested in me re-editing Yoo Mia side story with the missing page + fixing the errors I made the first time? I'll make a poll.

(Psssssst. If a real translator who actually knows Korean wants to give me their Yoo Mia side story version I would be eternally grateful and like. give u a free art commission or something 👀😊)

[demonslayedher]

Things that went through my head while watching this episode: --This was a great episode to notice during the OP that in the clip right after Muichiro throws the sword and Tanjiro goes rushing forward in a strike presumably with that sword, you can see Yoriichi in the back lined up next to Tanjiro--almost like the pose Tanjiro strikes with Pillars in the OP! (Hmm, how are they going to do that for the Pillar Training Arc?)

--Kanamori, in some not very well-placed exposition, says that Tanjiro asked him to be understanding of Muichiro, and that is why as Muichiro's new swordsmith, he looked into who used to smith his swords. First of all, when? We only saw Tanjiro interact with Kanamori the day or two before this all goes down, but Kanamori already has Muichiro's new sword ready and stashed away in the same shop where Haganezuka is busy putting his life on the line for polishing a sword even before Gyokko shows up. The first we see of Tanjiro even hearing of Kanamori being responsible for Muichiro's sword is when Muichiro woke him up maybe an hour or so ago. This means Tanjiro had to have known this and had an opportunity to talk to Kanamori long before he even witnessed Muichiro in the Swordsmith Village. Perhaps Tanjiro brought it up as general advice to Kanamori who expressed feeling pressure for being assigned to a Pillar, and Tanjiro just wanted to be encouraging to him based on what little impression he had of Muichiro at the Pillar Meeting and whatever he heard from Shinobu (and Shinobu did tell Tanjiro Muichiro's name, at the very least). But also, perhaps Kanamori started this endeavor to understand Muichiro after completing his first sword for him, because Tanjiro only said this to him yesterday? In which case, was this truly a matter of Tanjiro seeing that Muichiro is in need of that kindness, or was it Tanjiro throwing his hands up and saying, "I don't know what to make of him, you try!"

--And that, friends, is how you can dig too deep into canon to find fanfic ideas.

--Kotetsu-kun truly is a brave kid whose response to seeing his friends in pain was to attack instead of run away. I love how close-knit everyone in the village is, they all know (and recognize!) each other by name. --Muichiro is the kind of person who would walk around a modern art museum saying, "I could do that." Kotetsu would be the one saying, "but you didn't." Gyokko, of course, is the worst of modern artists. There must be a modern day AU which Gyokko leans a bean in Chicago and Muichiro starts a "paint the bean pink" event.

--Gyokko deserves some credit here for his cleverness! Although what Muzan would have preferred is Gyokko finding Ubuyashiki or the blue spider lilies, Gyokko has honed in the Corp's weapons and focused his efforts on eliminating those. Maybe he was merely lucky to have found a clue about the village, but he developed a technique, I assume specifically, to deprive swordsmen of their Breath.

--Being taunted for having "a dull life" and an existence with no meaning sure adds weight to that "I was born to be happy" statement. --Kimetsu Academy answered some of my wishes by having Uzui-sensei and Gyokko hang out and talk art, but what I really want is to see Shinobu see those fishes.

--I love the BGM and sound effects for Love Breath. Mitsuri is just so special, you guys. I love hearing her in this Taisho Secret showing off her sword skills to Tanjiro & Nezuko, and a sound that lives in my head rent free is the the sound she made in the previous episode's Kimetsu Academy short as she falls to her knees. --One of my favorite background characters in this whole series is the guy who tried to protect Tecchin by charging at the fish monster with a naginata. ----First, naginata. I have bias. ----Second, such upstanding character! That is not a man who runs away even when the swordsmen have been slain. ----Also, while Tecchin and the other guy who got his head bumped are shameless in fishing for Mitsuri's care and attention, this is the guy who had the view up her skirt and who made no mention of it whatsoever. ----That might be because he was so rightfully distracted by the sight of her sword instead, and he gave us some smoother exposition with which to appreciate it. --Another random thing, but I love the nighttime lighting in this season! The BGM in general feels more experimental and sometimes takes me out of it (opposed to how the Yuukaku spin plunged me deeper into it), but when it slaps, it slaps, like on the new variation as Tanjiro attains a lightsaber Red Blade. Also also, there are a lot of characters in this one with peculiar and kind of old-timey ways of speaking (Kanamori, Tecchin, Hantengu's clones, etc.) that are still distinct from other characters (like Rengoku). I don't know how much of it comes across in translation, but my ears enjoy the extra characterization.

--I love--and the first time I watched this, my friends loved it too--how Nezuko and Tanjiro take turns carrying each other when they lose consciousness. It keeps the pacing fast and desperation high, while also illustrating their bond really well. What also gets me is how Tanjiro frets and tells her to let go of the sword because her fingers will get cut. It doesn't feel like a big concern because we know she's already lost a forearm and being impaled through through the torso and neck tonight, but any reasonable brother doesn't want to see his sister's fingers cut off, much less sliced with a sword at all.

--I love how Sekido is the only demon around here whose perspective is worth anything

--Quickly jumping to the end of the episode to note how we see the base of Aizetsu's neck and the top of his head still intact, so that implies that Genya munched on the bottom half of his head. In general I'm not much into ship content, but I know there is a fandom for Aizetsu and Genya out there, and I do find the idea of it being one-sided infatuation on Aizetsu's part an amusing premise. With that in the back of my mind, I could also imagine Aizetsu mistakenly thinking Genya was going to make out with him and how quickly and shockingly he'd have his hopes dashed. --Okay, so, HINOKAMI KAGURA WITH A RED BLADE AND THE MARK, TIME TO DIAL UP THE ANIMATION

--And they do

--And it's so sad Haganezuka doesn't get to see it --Like, after how much the fight with Rui blew up and the internet collectively lost their minds, we tend to just expect this from Ufotable, so the beauty they accomplish doesn't always stick out because they have to work harder and harder to stand out from what they've already given us, but this attack on Karaku, Urogi, and Sekido is a thing of wonder and it is highly worth appreciating.

--The lighting! The fluid motion and changing camera angles! But also the ability to show changes in expression, and to differentiate Tanjiro in the marked state from his usual state.

--But, again, the timeline has me in knots. Tanjiro says he was "always" thinking about that last strike on Gyutaro and how it felt different, but when would he have had time to do that, since he's spend so much of his wakeful life, like, fighting for his life against a mechanical doll? He's of course had downtime, but given the Taisho Secret in the hand-out at the early Mugen Ressha showings, I suspect comatose Tanjiro spend a lot of time analyzing and replaying that moment and doing image training. --On the first watch, when Tanjiro is thinking about how his will is tied with that of everyone around him, and even if he can't do it, someone else will take over for him, it's easy to get wrapped up in "THAT'S RENGOKU" or "this is foreshadowing all the hands in that truly final battle with Muzan!" but, I can't wait to think back to this scene when he's talking to Giyuu in the next season. Giyuu is the first person he thinks of, but also, Giyuu's hand is absent from among the ones on Tanjiro's back.

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Enhypen (Thoughts on title tracks) Energy Reading

So, the first thing I asked is their thoughts on their music at the moment. I got the 8 of Pentacles, not the greatest card to get. I mean there is a lot of hard-work and details that go into their music. It is kind of like the music is part of work, but not feeling much of a connection as a whole right now, to their music. But they definitely put in the effort to make the right type of music. I am hearing, it is all about the details, so yeah. I also added some other songs of theirs's as well, along with the TT's, like the Dark Moon songs.

Given-taken (Transformation)-Yeah, this makes sense, all things had changed for them, it was their debut, a new start for them, but it was a bit chaotic for them, but they were happy to finally be able to perform. Things could have been a bit messy with the song, or just a lot of changes to it. I mean this was covid time, so yeah, things were all over the place when they debuted with this song. I am honestly not getting too much of the song, but the situation around it with this one. Not sure they feel anything for the song tbh.

Drunk-Dazed (Release)-This song felt cathartic for them. They may have felt they can release themselves with this one. They didn't feel too limited with this one. It is like the dance moves for this, felt freeing for them, weird message, but I go with how I feel and what I get. I am just seeing the dancing, like they may really like the choreography of this one. Not sure I am getting much about the music, but the they like the performance aspect of this.

Tamed-Dashed (Ace of Fire)-Yeah, not a fan of this song, sorry, I think I listened to this once or twice in full, but they seem to like it. It sparked some creativity and passion in them, surprised by this tbh. It was a fun song to do. It was a nice opportunity. It seems they enjoyed this one for the time. Not sure they enjoy it much now. Because ace of fire just gives me, this was fun, but then the energy dies down quickly.

Blesses-Cursed (10 of Air)-Why am I getting all these cards of freedom though? It is like there is a sense of freedom they get when they release music and get to perform them. This song may have been a struggle for them to put together. There seemed to be a lot of negative thoughts attached to this one. This one was an ending of a cycle for them.

Future Perfect (Pass the Mic) (Page of Swords)-This was not the card I would expect for this song at all, like what is this!? Hmm, it seems they may have been uncertain about this one, a little uncomfortable with this one. It could have been mentally challenging for them. Also, a lack of preparation for this one. I feel they were too in their heads and analytical with this one.

Bite Me (The Hermit)-Ya'll why do they get the hermit for this!? Like why, what is this boy? *sighs* This is my fave! Their energy is so weird with their music. I would think this one would get a good card tbh. Maybe this song helped them learn about themselves individually. Maybe it gave them some sort of identity, but that seems weird to me. Not sure why isolation keeps coming in my mind, but not sure what that can mean, yeah, don't get this.

Sweet Venom (3 of Pentacles)-I feel this one should have been for Bite Me, but whatever, my bias is showing. They may have liked who they worked with here. They felt it was a nice collaborative effort with this song. They feel they were able to use their skills and talents with this one. It seems they liked the effort put into this one.

XO (King of Swords)-How this group has barely any Wands or Cups here though. I am surprised by this one too, like this is a lovey dovey romantic song, why I am getting the KOS energy here? I love these boys, but this energy makes no sense. Is the KOS that dude, can't even remember his name? The singer they worked with. I mean, the group could have learned a lot from him, and they have respect for him, and his music. They may have liked the lyrics to the song. Whoever this is, they had a lot of say in the direction of this song, the boys had little input tbh. A lot of sword energy pertaining this group and their music tbh.

One in a Billion (3 of Wands)-Oh yay wands!, but this is a slow moving, kind of stagnant wands to get. They may see this song growing. They can see the potential of this song. They can see themselves performing this at concerts. I am just like getting, they are looking ahead. I don't see them really paying attention to this song, just on to the next. This song may have been a slow process for them as well, also did they travel, or work with someone long distance for this one? I know I should know as a fan, but I don't focus on every detail of my faves. I am a fan from afar lol

Criminal Love (The Star)-I feel they may like this one. From the image of this card, it is like they pour themselves into this song. Is this the song that is really hard for them to do? I should know this as a fan, but I don't observe my faves like that really? Also, I can't think when channeling. I am just getting them sweating a lot, like they pour their sweat and tears into this song. The song is pretty exhausting for them. It is like they pour their all into this song. Once again, this is more about the performance, than the song. I'll be real, there is a disconnect between them and their songs musically, but not performance wise. Which makes sense, since I am pretty sure the members would prefer to do songs that fit their style, because their songs ain't it for them.

Fatal Trouble (5 of Swords)-Once again, another Sword card, this group is very analytical, logical, and matter of fact with their music. There may have been many mistakes with this one, they may have had to redo this one a lot, there could have been disagreements when it came to this song. I sense there was drama and fighting with this one, if it was the members or the company, but this is about the members, so yeah. Differences in opinion, they don't have a lot of say, so, maybe some members made mistakes, and that annoyed some members, maybe that started fights, once again, I am getting more about performance. Because I am kind of seeing them in the rehearsal room, so it is more about the performance here.

Alright, well that was a trip lol Yeah, not much passion or emotions when it comes to their music, but that makes sense, since they don't contribute to their TT's lyrically or compose. But still love them and the hard work they do to put on a good performance. It seems they're more focused on that. Anyway, these are fun. I am thinking of doing BTS next!

[blue-grama]

Jesus motherforking shirtballs

Or: I am asking every business journalist to take one (1) gender studies class before I tear my hair out.

This interview came across my dash and it's a lot of fun, particularly Apo's "dad joke" actually being a hilariously cringey pickup line, but one aside by the writer made me wince.

ASDKHGKJ. This is not the first time I've seen an article about BL or gay romance in general speculate that the reason female audiences enjoy gay male romance is because there are no other threatening, icky girls on screen. I find this exceedingly irritating and misogynistic and I'm gonna rant about it. Now, look. Maybe there are women-identifying people out there watching mlm romance because they are threatened by beautiful actresses. Maybe. I haven't met every woman in the world. But this reasoning is, in my opinion, some male-gaze bullshit and needs to be smacked down. A non-exhaustive list of reasons to like mlm romance that AREN'T based on some weird idea of female competitiveness and insecurity: 1. Queer people... exist? Look, the LGBTQ+ community alone isn't the reason KP had huge international success. Just numbers-wise, it was probably watched by more straight people than not. But ignoring that audience makes absolutely no sense, especially because sexuality is fluid and many viewers interested in LGBTQ+ media may be uncertain/exploring. Cultural anthropologist Thomas Baudinette has talked about how many "straight women" exploring BL turned out not to be so straight. It's a thing. (Here on Tumblr the LGBTQ+ audience is THE thing, but there's a lot of selection bias here, obviously.)

2. A good romance is a good romance

In my personal (and admittedly limited) experience, cishet men have a hard time grasping this, but give me a good, swoony romance and IDGAF about the genders involved. I've noticed this is very common among my female-identifying and nonbinary friends, regardless of their sexual attractions in real life. Good chemistry is good chemistry, a good story is a good story, and honestly it's kinda insulting to silo LGBTQ+ romance off as something you need a particular reason to watch, if you're someone who likes watching romance. 3. Female gaze

Look. Mile and Apo are blisteringly hot individuals. It's interesting this article mentions the action sequences and not the inherent appeal of, say, these two humans exploring each other's bodies in front of God and Deutsche Bank:

Perhaps it's a family publication.

But to get a little more thinky about horniness: If you're a female-identifying person interested in men, it can be a tough slog out there. I'm coming from a western perspective, where romance is looked down upon in general. (Asian media seems more willing to look at the romance audience and go "hmm... $$$!" instead of "ugh, girl stuff.") And even when you get romance-driven stories, the male gaze is fucking ubiquitious. I remember having my mind blown some years ago by Outlander -- a show I did not make it through otherwise -- because the wedding episode in the first season has a sex scene in which the camera lingers on the male lead's face. That is some female gaze shit that you just do not see. I just spent a couple minutes checking in with the sex scenes in Bridgerton, probably the biggest romance-genre hit in the U.S. in some time, made explicitely for a female audience in mind, and even there, the camera spends FAR more time on the female leads' faces in sex scenes. Presumably the idea is that the female viewing audience will be inserting themselves into the scene and imagining her pleasure as their own, but ... show me a man's O-face, you cowards.

KP (and BL in general) does that.

I mean, quite literally. But also figuratively - men are posited as objects of desire, and the viewer is the agent desiring them. Taking a straight female as our theoretical viewer: We're so, so socialized to see females as the objects of desire and men as the agents of desire that even media made with straight women in mind parks the camera on the female lead. BL turns that on its head. The female viewer isn't watching a stand-in for herself being desired. She's actively desiring. I hope it's clear that this is miles away from "other girls are threatening." It's about being the one with agency for once.

4. Removal of the burden of one gajillion years of patriarchical bullshit

This is like a trauma response or some shit, istg, but sometimes it's nice to watch a romance not weighed down by 300,000 years of hetero gender relations. How many times have we seen a female character who is just a male fantasy or who starts out great but gets ruined by bad writing and it's like... fuck. Someone has probably written about this a lot more eloquently and intelligently than me, but sometimes it's just like, geez. Leave women out of it. Let us rest. I'm joking a bit, and this entirely elides the fact that non-het relationships can be just as abusive and problematic as a het relationship out there in the real world, but in the realm of fantasy I do think there's an appeal to stripping away at least part of the gender discourse. Especially for a fully escapist show like KP -- personally, I love a good female character, but I did not have any problem with the dearth of them in that series. Don't make me worry, even subconsciously, about the mafia's maternity leave policy, okay?? Contrary to idea that the mlm aspects save some sort of self-insert space for me in that romance, I as a woman-identified person did not want to be anywhere NEAR that hot mess. I wanted a world that touched on exactly zero of my real-life concerns.

Ok, maybe one real-world concern: How to find a small animal vet at an inconvenient hour.

Anyway, like I said at the start, I can't possibly explain everyone's motivations for watching KP or BL or anything, really. The world is a rich tapestry and sexuality is not a simple binary. But boiling it all down to, "women are insecure" ain't it and I would love to see that explanation permanently retired from casual use. EDIT: I forgot the link to the original article.

[mycastlescrumblingdown]

speak now tracks 1-4

MINE

this song is SO GOOD I can't get over it

i remember a year and a half ago when the rerecording came out. It was my first album release as a real swiftie and in the middle of summer, so I decided to listen to it at midnight. I was FREAKING OUT over this song (and rightfully so)

also a god tier bridge and no one acknowledges it?? hello???

banger song, basically. and in her adult vocals? *chefs kiss*

score: 10/10

points for lyrics, style, personal bias, chorus, verses, bridge, instrumental, vocals, pretty privilege, loopability

fav line: you saw me start to believe for the first time

SPARKS FLY

to write "the way you move is like a full on rainstorm, and i'm a house of cards" at that young of an age is BAFFLING to me. like that was absolutely insane of her and no one even talks about it

my only critique of this song is that I feel like the instrumental could be louder but it's not inaudible or anything

not as good as mine but it's still a top tier song. speak now as an album is just a full step up from fearless/debut and you can TELL

score: 9/10

points for lyrics, style, personal bias, chorus, verses, bridge, instrumental, vocals, pretty privilege

fav line: i'm captivated by you baby, like a firework show

BACK TO DECEMBER

my dad likes to mess with me and sing this as back to November, September, October, he even tried February once (it didn't work as well as the other three, but A for effort)

i have so many things to say about this song but I just think it's really good. I usually find myself skipping it but I can't really figure out why. it's just really good like why don't I want to listen to it?

anyways~

score: 8/10

points for lyrics, style, chorus, verses, bridge, instrumental, vocals, pretty privilege

fav line: you gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

SPEAK NOW

THE laugh song. I love that mischievious little chuckle in the middle of the song it's so perfect. honestly the majority of this song is so silly in such a good way. except for the part where Taylor is trying to steal a man at the altar, which is most of the song....hmm. I may need to reevaluate the vibe of this song. whimsical, maybe?

i grew up on this song. this song is just a part of me at this point. it's a bit of a pick me song (like a lot pick me song) but that's okay. my joy is not hindered by the annoyance of people.

i think this song describes the bride's family like the bolter describes the charming saturday

one last note, I once misheard "horrified looks from everyone in the room but I'm only looking at you" as "horrified looks from everyone in the roomba"

score: 7/10

points for style, personal bias, chorus, verses, bridge, instrumental, vocals, pretty privilege

fav line: there's the silence, there's my last chance

[optimismxmagicism]

"Ewan, I need to inform you of something."

Sara knows he can keep a secret, but some people are not as equipped for how they might weigh on the soul. She wonders if his visible guilt over the incident with the knives has been resolved or he merely buried it behind a smile. The difference between them is that of day and night, sun and moon given human shape. He is always so bright that people may forget too much light blinds.

"I have reason to believe Yunaka is a devil," she reveals seemingly displeased by this fact. There is another person she wants to tell too, but she does not want to make him choose. A small part of her fears he will not choose her. Unclouded by personal bias, Ewan will believe her, she thinks. Sara is new to trust, giving hers and especially having it from others.

"Say, Can I ask you a question? If you trusted two people that told you conflicting information, how would you go about deciding which was telling the truth?"

“Oh, Hi Sara!” Ewan greeted her, cheerful as ever. But whereas his own crimson eyes were and shimmering bright and optimistically, the reflecting eyes of blue showed trepidation. In response, the mage tilted his head slightly. “What’s up?”

She was quick to give her own suspicions, much to Ewan’s surprise. “Wait.. the Lion teacher? The one who has stars on her cheeks and is all ‘Zappy!’ And stuff?” He asked, mimicking what he remembered her sounding and posing like. Admittedly, beyond her being a member of the faculty of his house, he didn’t know much about her. He liked her aesthetic, at least. Stars were great! “Hmmm….. What makes you think that? Did she do anything suspicious?” The way he asked, he wasn’t wary of Sara or doubting her at all. Rather, he was just curious what made her arrive to that conclusion.

It was strange, really. He doesn’t particularly remember interacting with Sara all that much, and even knows at one point he was trying to hide something from her. And yet… something about her just made her seem intrinsically trustworthy in Ewan’s mind. He remembers her at one point being very kind to him, at the very least.. During a moment of great emotional turmoil, but the details of that are hazy and vague.

Hmm… Maybe he should try to spend more time with her. They were both mages, and he’d love to really properly become friends with her!

Then, came her question. It seemed a little random to the boy, but he gave it serious thought all the same. “Hmm….” Pressing a finger against his cheek, he spoke. “I think listening to both sides is important, for one! Bias will, um.. only cloud my vision. I’d listen and then, depending on the information presented, make my choice, assuming I have to pick a side.” Part of what he said was paraphrasing from his mentor, but he thought it was still applicable in this situation.

[lunaryrs]

austin and camryn ^^

yayyyy I knew you were going to send this one to me so I didn't send it to you on purpose bc I felt that you'd be equally as compelled to complete it and I could not afford you the opportunity to show me up

how did they meet?

oh I really don't remember what's been discussed. I'm sure you have an amazing headcanon about it. but lets just play in this space for a moment. I think most easy situation i can see them in is a social setting where they weren't so much introduced as they were just kind of hanging out adjacently, whether one of them was a friend of a friend of the other or it was two separate groups that ended up intermingling bc they were occupying the same space. i'm picturing a bar with a sand pit in the back, big stone fireplace and wires of bulb lights strung overhead. Austin was in one Adirondack chair and Camryn was perched on the arm of someone else's, they took note of each other but it wasn't anything too concentrated. they didn't exchange numbers that night, but someone in their group must have because they ended up in each other's orbit for the next few weeks and months. if I had to guess, i'd say Camryn took an interest in austin first. of course he thought she was beautiful, but I don't think he was motivated to make any major moves when they met. he was probably a decent amount of time out from ending things with piper for good and had resigned to sparse, tepid text exchanges with his singular bumble date post-break up

who is the bigger romantic openly? secretly?

hmm so I don't entirely know. unfortunately my brain does not respond to direct prompting and engages only with what it wants to. and here I just feel like emphasizing that austin's way of showing up is flowers. holidays, special occasions, good news, bad news. there's a bouquet for everything. he isn't particularly eloquent and I think he probably misses cues a lot but I think he has an unwavering commitment to making sure the vases in the house are always full and that's the way that he communicates hey i'm here and I care about you and I want you to know that

who is more likely to send cutesy texts to the other?

neither but its because they prioritize phone calls to exchange information or even just say hi I'm thinking of you and I love you and I think they split initiating those more or less equally. I think this is rooted in Austin not being much for technology but works really well for the sincere nature of the love that I think they share

whose family do they celebrate more holidays with?

austin's and I don't think that's entirely due to the bias that results from him and his siblings being like. a thing before partners were added and families were expanded. I think I've kind of started to conceptualize the Hannas as like way more codependent(?) or at least involved than I probably would have ever imagined them to be I think partially out of concern for stephen when they were younger/without children like hey lets make sure dad is good but I also just see Rory and Austin being fairly decent friends running in similar social circles and only growing more in that direction and then Aubrey being so touched by like how easily she is accepted by her siblings when she does become a parent (which for whatever reason I see happening a little bit after Austin and Rory begin to have children) when they're all engaging with each other in that capacity which I just think is really nice

do they have any personal holiday traditions together?

i feel like christmas cookies have to go soooo hard at their house, no? Camryn makes a massive batch of sugar cookies with festive cookie cutters and then she mixes all of the frosting and sets out the sprinkles and they decorate them. they could mail them out or give them to delivery drivers or take them to school or whatever. I think they'd pretty naturally fall into hosting roles for the major food-based holidays like thanksgiving. I'd love to see them maybe take a camping trip once a year or so with marley's kids, maybe for labor day weekend or something. we know they are booked and busy with the Lancasters for the fourth of july, so.

if they get married, what was the wedding vibe?

so again just roll with this. but I feel like a sexy like midnight beachy vibe could be where its at for them. I don't know if there's a particular term for this sort of thing. coastal gatsby almost. i'm thinking beach with like cool sand and moonlight on the ocean and the beautiful brittle beach grasses and like feathery pampas but also like lux gold and maybe marble and something like navy blue for the wedding party. does this make sense. I feel like the beach is just so natural and lends well to the person Austin is but I think despite how down-to-earth camryn is I guess I just see her as like sexy and indulgent somehow

how did they decide what to name their child(ren)?

see I wholeheartedly believe their names are perfect for them as a couple and also for Austin independently but he would have never arrived at any of that on his own. so it had to have been all camryn. I like to think she pitches them and has already kind of decided because and austin turns them over in his mind until they become real for him and once they click they're perfect. I love that their first names are all the same amount of syllables, I love that the girls names are feminine but not too frilly and the boys names are very boyish but like fun?, and I think Austin would like the same thing about them. me Courtney with the broken brain loves the way maisyn bridges the guys and the girls and how her name kind of carves out her unique role in the family. thats Austin's little pal

[mrs-theirin]

well howdy there quill - i can't help but notice you called one of your wips "fable idk i'm going nuts" and maybe i'm reading a little too much into it, but that strikes me as a project you are perhaps...hmm...excited about??? ;P hehehe care to share any hot deets on that one?

HIIIIIII QUEENIE i love u <3 yes i came up with the horrible horrible idea that my fable oc's father would never be able to tell her he was her father because he made a deal with [something. not sure what exactly yet] to save her life. she gets to live but will never know he is her father, and if he or anyone else tells her, the sickness that was threatening to kill her will come back and it will kill her. so basically a whole life of agony not being able to tell your beloved daughter that you are her father

so the beginning is him and her mother making that deal. and then the rest is him writing letters to his daughter expressing his love for her and telling her he is her father, but of course he keeps these letters to himself, he just needs to get it out somewhere. like ohhhh this letter for example

Dearest Marigold, You took your first steps today. I was so overwhelmed with joy I cried for nearly an hour. An hour! Oh, and you thought it was just hilarious. You laughed and laughed and laughed. Managed to get a smile out of your mother too! You are sunshine, you are a bright light in the lives of everyone around you, and you will make things better, I can feel it. Logan was different. Logan’s growing up to be a smart boy, sure, but he lacks your brightness. Your smile. Maybe it’s my bias showing. Either way, you are perfect.  As I write this, you’ve spoken your first word! Avo, light above. Your first word. “Walter.” I love you.

anyway i'll chip away at it in time but god the idea has made me go CRAZYYYYY. thank you for asking

[distant-screaming]

akkayan, soundwin, moonlight chicken, msp 👀

WOO YEAH WOO this was so much fun! You chose my absolute faves I'm osifjewoifje

Akkayan!

When I started shipping them: okay I was lowkey shipping them from the beginning because. hello. romance show. but the scene that made me go 👀‼️ was that 'your pin tilts' scene because Akk's face was just so ajgkskfkdkdk I was like OH OKAY OKAY OKAYYY

My thoughts: um. Love them? Lights of my life, probably the ship I've written the most fics for as of today, actually they got me back into writing properly?? Also I want to dunk them like a basketball <3 and then send them to therapy

What makes me happy about them: they just! Their love for each other! And how they're both individually so fascinating and deeply compelling characters and together they're just. TOP TIER. Also the fact that their dynamic is just 'you should be addicted to shutting up' 'you want to kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid'. Also how Ayan spends so much time flirting but the MINUTE Akk does the tiniest thing he's like 😳 um. we should kiss. 😳 LIKE OKAY????? NERD? And like, the stupid dream kisses. Akk. C'mon babe. ALSO - (do not ask me about my faves please I will not shut up)

What makes me sad about them: the Trauma™. It's so. Like. It's so fascinating how it affects them + their relationship. Akk's trauma, yeah, but also Aye? It's just so... I've written multiple fics mentioning it but like it just makes me so!!!! Their relationship doesn't make logical sense but they make it work? And it just makes me want to cry

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: when either of them (normally Akk) are like, woobified?? Hashtag girl no....this guy literally almost committed arson he is NOT a soft boy or whatever!!!!!!! Yeah he's pathetic but he's not defenseless Y'KNOW??????

My wishlist: for akkayan?? Send them to therapy. Also they both live long happy lives and are menaces to each other and their friends forever 🥰

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: OOOOF okay hmm. For Aye it'd be fascinating to explore his dynamic with Thua more, maybe? For Akk..... therapy. Akk/TLC. Akk/hydration. I dunno

My happily ever after for them: they go to uni and Aye becomes either a teacher or a lawyer, Akk becomes a teacher and they live near the beach and get a dog and kiss each other stupid all the time <3333

this got long HELP

Soundwin!

When I started shipping them: I watched MSP just before ep 12 was released so I knew about soundwin beforehand, but my 'OH NO I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT THEM FOREVER' moment was the medal kiss scene. Like. C'mon. WIN'S HESITATION? SOUND'S LOOK AFTER???? HELLO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE LAUGH LOVE IN THESE CONDITIONS

My thoughts: I want to put them in a blender and shake violently. They're both so so stupid and silly and they're perfect for each other bc they're not. That makes perfect sense shush.

What makes me happy about them: they just! Their love for each other! And

What makes me sad about them: my mafia au - (I am taken out back and shot)

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: nothing really tbh, so far the soundwin fics I've read I enjoyed a lot.

My wishlist: I'm scared of putting anything on here because the os2 eps are coming out soon and I'm like ASIDFJSEIPFJ but just more them bickering and being silly and in love. Also specifically I want more soundwin smiling softly around each other <33333

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: honestly they're both so insane about each other I don't really ship them with anyone else?

My happily ever after for them: inhales cat dad soundwin and they live in a little apartment and also they have a daughter named Fon and they make stupid posts online and Chinzhilla comes over all the time and th-

Moonlight Chicken!

Favorite character: even without my bias of actors, my favorite character is probably Leng?

Least favourite character: there isn't any character I dislike per se in this series, love all of them sm

5 favourite ships (canon or non canon): heartliming, alanwen, alangaipa, praewleng, jimbeam (I don't ship all of these as much as I find them fascinating dynamics tbh)

Character I find most attractive: OH MAN. Probably Praew sorry besties but she has my WHOLE heart I love her

Character I would marry: Gaipa. No further questions your honor.

Character I would be best friends with: OH 100% Leng my bff my bestie my beloved. He's so silly (read: weird) I'd love to be friends with him. Oh, or Alan, which is two very different characters, but like I'm friends with enough Alan-like people irl that I think we'd get along great

A random thought: I haven't stopped thinking about how and why Heart learned sign language. It keeps me up at night fr

An unpopular opinion: I dunno, I quite like MLC's canon. Maybe that I kind of like the inclusion of Heart's usage of his voice? It's definitely a controversial thing with valid reason, but my personal view of it is that (without going on a tangent) it's in line with the characters and I loved it.

My canon OTP: um. Heartliming. Uncontested.

My non-canon OTP: none? Don't ship anything outside of canon for MLC

Most badass character: my bias says Heart because buddy got into an overseas uni despite being homeschooled (?? tutored? what happened there?) for like. multiple years? But also Gaipa. That's the correct answer

Most epic villain: see old post: there are no Villains™ in MLC and actually all the characters are villains. Anyway if I had to choose a 'villain' to the main narrative of jimwen? Alan. 100% most pathetic man in the room tried to square up with Jim which would literally have ended so badly for him. Love him

Pairing I am not a fan of: ....none? All their dynamics are so fascinating tbh.

Character I feel like the writers screwed up: the writers did a wonderful job with this show for real, I have no major complaints about any of the characters. Maybe Li Ming - he sort of... fell flat near the end? Dunno. But yeah tbh none

Favorite friendship: GAIPA AND LENG. I WILL. CRY ABOUT THEM. THREAT.

Character I most identify with: OH man uhhhhhh Gaipa? I'm like a mix between Gaipa and Alan I think. Alangaipa love child.

Character I wish I could be: Can my answer be Praew. My answer is Praew.

My School President!

Favorite character: I cannot choose one how dare you make me - Tiw.

Least favourite character: homophobic teacher, to no one's surprise

5 favourite ships (canon or non canon): tinngun, soundwin, patjorn, tiwpor, yonook

Character I find most attractive: uhhh none tbh they're all cute and silly WAIT NO ACTUALLY. GUN'S MOM

Character I would marry: also Gun's mom <333

Character I would be best friends with: Tiw we have very similar energy

A random thought: we don't mention enough how unaware of his surroundings Tinn is. Bestie didn't know who Gun was despite being in the same class. He will zone out at any given moment to think about Gun. I love him

An unpopular opinion: none because I don't know what unpopular means

My canon OTP: STOP THIS IS SO RUDE tinngun ily guys but soundwin has my whole heart

My non-canon OTP: patjorn I think they're perfect for each other (ridiculous)

Most badass character: mmmm most of the main cast is like. sad sopping wet cats. Maybe Tinn's dad?

Most epic villain: again there aren't any villains per se but definitely Sound. bro had the world's fastest redemption arc love him

Pairing I am not a fan of: gunsound THANK YOU P'AU

Character I feel like the writers screwed up: uhhhh....none tbh

Favorite friendship: tiwtinn!!! also all of chinzhilla but tiwtinn supremacy

Character I most identify with: a mix of Tinn and Tiw

Character I wish I could be: also Tiw!!

[bl00dh0rs3]

I think the reason theres such a Great Divide between how people feel about villains getting redemption arcs is the fact that 1.) Nobody knows what redemption means anymore (ie. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with forgiveness), and 2.) People on a large scale lack an understanding of... who these former-villains are made for.

Admittedly this is largely based on a personal theory i have, that They are made for and by people who feel like they've done bad things in the past, things they personally feel remorseful for but, because its the past, cant necessarily do anything about, even if they themselves have improved and grown as an individual. I say that bc i know thats why I value redemption arcs as much as i do.

Am i the same person who did those things anymore? No, not by a long shot. But not everyone would think so, and I'm aware of that by nature of just. Knowing how to imagine myself in other ppls shoes, and understanding that nobody can ever know anybody else's full story + that will never stop anyone from making judgements based on what they DO know.

There's ALWAYS someone out there who will hate you, think you are the literal scum of the earth, the devil incarnate. There are almost 8 billion people on this planet. This is a fact.

And ideally, in knowing this, we'd be able to brush it off and continue on, content in the fact that we can't control how other people feel and willing to improve ourselves despite that fact. However--humans care. By default. We are social creatures that want to feel liked and welcomed because once upon a time, being loathed by the other humans around you had the potential to mean death.

So we worry. Our actions and their repercussions haunt us and make us MISERABLE, and there is nothing we can do to change that fact.

Just as well--that misery? It helps no one. Absolutely fucking no one.

But it cannot simply be shrugged off by most people, as I established before. So, what exactly are we supposed to do? Obviously--we're supposed to work through those feelings. And lo and behold, story crafting is a FANTASTIC way of doing just that! You can be as literal or as figurative as you want, whatever helps YOU, as a writer, breathe easier, and move forward with the energy and confidence to be a better person than you were before tackling those complex, painful, scary feelings.

Redemption arcs are self soothing wish fulfillment--and i mean this in an entirely positive way. We need to be able to believe that we can change FIRST, in order to change at all. If every story we see kills off every single bad person they portray--how does that affect us, subconsciously? What sort of underlying bias does it instill? The idea that once a person does something awful, that theres no turning back? No coming back EVER? Maybe. Who knows! I think that's fucking depressing, close minded, and detrimental to everyone exposed to it.

All I know is that when i was in a short phase of absolutely loathing redemption arcs along with everyone else, I was in a stage of my life where i hated myself to the point of self harm. Because i believed i was genuinely fucking evil for all the things id said and done as an ignorant child, and that there was no way back, and that i NEEDED to suffer to 'repent'. And i did not grow up in a highly Christian household--so Where exactly did that mindset come from, hmm? Sounds a little familiar, don't it.

... The point im trying to get at here, is this;

Redemption arcs are not made for victims.

They are made for perpetrators.

They are made by an author, to show other "bad people" in the world that, "hey. you are not set in stone. You are alive and you have free will and you can make different choices. Here is how, and here is why."

Now--i know what youre about to say. "But jack most redemption arcs suck and dont actually say any of those things!!! They just let the villain get off scott free with a happily ever after without doing any of the hard work on screen of Actually changing!" To which, i have a few things to ask you about.

1.) Was that ACTUALLY an attempted redemption arc? Or did the villain just happen to survive the climax of the story, and was momentarily shown to have had a change of heart, finally?

.... iiiiiiiiiiimplying that they are going to START their work towards redemption.... post-canon?

2.) So what? Sometimes stories and the tropes within them aren't written well. A shitty redemption is not different from a shitty romance or a shitty hero's journey. Not everyone is Shakespeare, and not everything has to be made to your standards. If you don't like it, you don't have to look at it. That doesn't mean you should write off the entire Concept as inherently bad.

And 3.) I will also challenge you to consider just how personal your reading of a character's redemption arc is. Like I'm saying--redeemed villains are not made for victims. They are made to address and dig into the meat of just how awful someone of human intelligence can be, and try to wrangle an idea of HOW that person can come out of it somehow, healthier, happier, and kinder.

They have to address sensitive topics, more often than not. Like it is literally required--if the villain never does anything BAD, theres no story. Theres nothing for them to pursue redemption ABOUT. And those sensitive topics can bring out the ire of people who have been through them--obviously! And that is not the fault of the viewer! You have every right to feel how you feel, and hate a villain as much as you want for it--but try to REMEMBER that that is where your feelings of distaste are coming from, when attempting to criticize the thing you are watching--especially if youre going to be especially vitriolic about it in the faces of people who enjoy that villain, and their redemption arc.

You have every right to not like it--but take a moment to analyze WHY before claiming it's "bad".

It probably just wasn't written for you.

We live in a world that already encourages so much cruelty--but, people can heal and feel motivated to do better by watching redemption arcs play out for characters that they see themselves in.

Even if you think it's shallow--does it actually MATTER if it is or not? I don't think so. I don't give a fuck what's going on in someones head--as long as they are treating the people and world around them with kindness and respect, I think that's all that should matter. Actions speak louder than words and all that. People are allowed to want to be better because it feels good. People NEED to be allowed to want to feel good, if it means shirking harmful habits and mentalities. Do you get what im saying?

Obviously there's plenty of nuance to these situations--in regards to fictional characters, there is inherently more give in what a character can do. They are not real. Nobody is actually getting hurt. So, pushing them to the FARTHEST LIMITS of how bad a person can be, and coming back? It's like a power fantasy, with a self reflective twist. And power fantasies are not inherently bad, either.

How heartwarming is it, to imagine that even that terrible tyrant who slaughtered innocents and razed cities can feel remorse? For them to give everything they have to help rebuild what they destroyed, and show compassion for the people they've hurt, and vowing to never let it happen again?

Because if even that terrible man on the screen can change--then of course I can change, too. Of course I, a person who's merely made a few callous comments and emotional scarred an ex by being a toxic asshole, can be better. I HAVE to be. It is an obligation.

An obligation that I may have otherwise seen as an insurmountable obstacle. Because I did. Thats what I saw it is as. I had been convinced that every bad thing I did, made me who I was. That everyone could just see it on my face--and that if they didn't, all they'd need to do was look a little bit closer before being repulsed by what they saw. It made me bitter and mean and I had so few friends I felt like I could actually be open with. I am still dealing with the repercussions of that mentality today--it is the source of quite literally All Of My Woes.

You've all seen my vent posts. All that shit? Consequences of this. This is why my lows go as low as they do--and This is why I am SO passionate about my villainous blorbos. This is why I love redemption arcs. They remind me that there is still hope for me--that there is still hope for everyone. You might enjoy living as a pessimist--but not everyone has the fortitude to maintain that attitude on a healthy level.

So when you see someone who is enjoying a villian you hate, and its making silly content of them being redeemed and goofing off and being happy and alive and loved--have a little compassion. That person its probably dealing with some shit, too. So just let it be.

[kinomiakai]

I posted 1,192 times in 2022

165 posts created (14%)

1,027 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dark-naruto

@snsmonth22

@narudoodles

@kinomiakai

@lilium-sns

I tagged 1,192 of my posts in 2022

#artbyop - 768 posts

#ep3otp - 690 posts

#canonverse - 335 posts

#textpost - 247 posts

#kinomitalks - 195 posts

#notsns - 174 posts

#notnaruto - 159 posts

#sastag - 147 posts

#writingstuff - 145 posts

#snow124-art - 122 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i also spent my whole day researching how not to be unbelievably screwed over when self publishing so that was fun and not at all depressing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Self-Promo Saturday!!

Hey friends!! I’m trying something I’ve wanted to do for awhile today - it wasn’t that long ago that I didn’t have too many people visiting my ao3 account, and I honestly don’t know what would have happened if not for Rebuilding & the sns month event that brought a lot of you to me. So! For those of you starting out on ao3 or elsewhere, if you want a bit of a boost, reblog this post with your links and I’ll reblog them! And maybe we can all spend a bit of time checking out each others’ work :> Sound good?

This is just an informal thing, so don’t worry about your numbers or if you count as starting out or not. Just go for it, if you’d like to.

(I’ll tag all these posts with SPsat, so blacklist that if it gets too spammy for your liking 💕 )

25 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

#4

I had no idea how to reply to this ask without confirming or denying so I tried out blocking the bits that might be spoilers and made the funniest blackout poem in the world

33 notes - Posted January 10, 2022

#3

Hi! You often write Sakura as a lesbian, but do you actually think she is one? I’m curious why you write her this way (to me she seems extremely straight). I hope I’m not offending you, I just really want to know your thought process?

Aw hey anon! No worries, I’m not offended at all. I’m totally open to different headcanons about characters, I know we all have our preferences. Honestly, a lot of mine boil down to the pieces of canon that speak to me, and what I find the most fun to play around with - and Sakura being a lesbian is one of those for me.

Honestly the whole break down of Ino and Sakura’s relationship I find fascinating interpreted in this way - because Sakura is totally starstruck by Ino, she’s talented and beautiful and confident and I think the line is something like “compared to her, I’m…” And then Ino seems super jealous/hurt that Sakura admits she has a crush on Sasuke, and in the same breath sort of ditches their friendship for it. So in canon I think there’s a lot of pining/angst to work with from Ino’s perspective, because she’s never even really confirmed to originally have a crush on Sasuke if I remember right? Sakura hears it as a rumour after she says she has a crush, and then is like “you know that means we’re rivals then” and it sort of seems like Ino just went “well, fuck it. okay. I’m gonna kick your ass in loving sasuke then”.

So if I’m looking at it logically, there’s probably more to saying Sakura is bi or pan than a lesbian, but Sasuke as an object of affection is so,,,,safe. He doesn’t show any romantic inclination, he pretty much rejects all relationships in general, doubly so after the massacre, so it sort of reads, to me, like she picked a safe target to seem straight. And then I love your language, because she is totally extreme with it. She is SO straight. She is The Straightest. And that has me a little like hmm. Okay missy. Sure thing.

But I do really see some attraction to females in there, largely because of the way she talks about Ino reaaaallllyyy reads the same way I used to think about girls I had a crush on before I knew anything about myself lol. I’m not gay, they’re just amazing! Look at how beautiful and smart and out of my league they are, I just want to be like them! I want to be as good as they are, that’s what this is! Narrator: it was not.

So a bit of bias, a bit of fun, & a bit of liking the relationship & how it parallels to SNS (although it is very different). Hope that makes sense anon!! Thanks for the ask :>

38 notes - Posted March 18, 2022

#2

Next Bite Me Chapter Up!

Ch5 time!!

54 notes - Posted December 31, 2021

My #1 post of 2022

Happy SNS month, friends!!

I’ll be participating in my own little way, whenever I can! I’ll update this when I do :> Here are the prompts & announcement post if you need them!

Day One: Cuddling or Rivalry

101 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[icysab]

hello can i get a match up for enhypen please!

i’m 5’4 but i like to say i’m 5’5, libra, enfj, and i LOVE cats!

i love to be spontaneous and go to indie concerts and i would describe my personality as happy and optimistic.

i try to be the best person i can be but sometimes i am a hater over silly things 😪

i love to pull pranks and my friends call me a trickster all the time.

i believe in fate, destiny, manifesting, karma, soulmates, and stuff like that!

i am a people pleaser and try to look on the bright side when things don’t go my way

some non-kpop artists i listen to are: wallows and taylor swift and i LOVE LOVE LOVE british indie rock (inhaler, the academic, the hubbards)

my ideal guy would be caring, good with kids, sweet, understanding, a little introverted, and an ideal date would be babysitting at night. i know it might seem a little unorthodox but imagining a future with them at that moment would be so cute

thank yaaa ❤️❤️

first off— babysitting date?? stroke of genius. that’s literally such a cute and domestic trope ily for making me think abt this. and and woahh i also love to go to indie concerts and stuff so twins! you should send another ask and lmk the coolest concerts you’ve been to because i’m always down to find out abt new bands with fun shows !!

anyway onto the matchup lol! hmm i have a feeling that you’re a jungwon bias (maybe?) and while i could see you working with him well, i gotta say heeseung!! like i could see you guys working so well with one another and complimenting each other perfectly. he’d fs think ur music taste is cool and hot, and he’d find ur pranks so endearing. ALSO BABYSITTING WITH HEESEUNG ??

i have a lot of thoughts on babysitting w heeseung so if anyone is interested in a drabble then submit a req! hope you enjoyed your matchup <3

[lovejoshua]

my fingers are indeed crossed ~ i hope that you get that job and you are payed for what you are worth and more ~

he has been a personal favorite for a while ~ i actually have a little tuxedo sam resin keychain with a picture of my txt bias ~ and that is so cute, tuxedo sam deserves the main lead role ~

exactly. shows that reach more than their target audience are so successful.

hmm, i really liked all of their releases, but as of right now, i would say bite me. even though bouncy has been plaguing my mind ever since its release, bite me and dark blood as a whole has a special effect on me.

unfortunately, this will be my last ask. i believe my times as your anon has been amazing, but all good things must come to an end. rather than simply revealing myself or ending with a grandiose gesture, i will pose a simple question to you. if you have the correct answer, then my reveal is complete ~

who’s been the most 📈📉 about beomgyu lately? ~

signed, 🩻

hi bonbon, none of them responded :') but it's okay, i kinda accepted that maybe it's not my time yet. thank you for hoping 🫂💓

that is so cute 🥺🥺 more appreciation for tuxedo sam!! look at this baby

ahh that's nice!! i haven't heard much from enhyphen'a comeback but i know a lot of people thought it was really good

ahh lee, you did an amazing job 🤧 i really enjoyed talking to you as bonbon! so much fun!! 🫂

[dreadark]

15&20 for the ask game c:

whoa I actually got asks

15- squad you bring on your first attempt of a map

Since irene and lumen showed up I actually just use iberians on my first try now lol

For harder ones (later EX stages usually) I end up looking at the map preview first and accounting for enemy mechanics I already know so it varies…? But ig it’d be smth like this

roughly following the 2s rule still.. but realistically I can’t remember the last time I’ve used this squad

20- favorite boss battle (mechanics)

hmm maybe this is recency bias but the Endspeaker?

the way you can control what buffs it eats, what buffs you have from little handy, letting your ops get eaten on purpose to cut the redeployment time… there’s a lot of ways to deal with it and it was fun actually figuring it out.

Also it’s a relatively weak boss so you can use theme teams without malding too much (lol) that’s always nice. look at my clear I still think it’s cool