#maybe I've rambled too much
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okay, but do you think that himiko is not used to being praised and treated with affection, so when ochako does this to her, her first reaction is to be suspicious, act rude and then apologize because she knows that uraraka would never hurt her or...
#maybe I've rambled too much#but it makes sense to me#except for that “do u think im cute” scene#If himiko had survived I'm sure it would have been a long journey to deal with her traumas#so her acting suspicious would make sense to me#togachako#toga himiko#ochako urakara#bnha#mha#bnha spoilers
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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In "For the Spirits", will Zuko eventually tell Katara he met her mother?
Oh! I was hoping someone would ask me this!
You see, Zuko actually [REDACTED] that he [REDACTED], but that happens after [REDACTED] in Chapter [REDACTED]. Of course, [REDACTED] didn't expect [REDACTED] to [REDACTED], and I don't think [REDACTED] ever really [REDACTED].
That's one of my favorite scenes!
#*ahem*#I'm sorryyyyyy but I've been waiting ages to [REDACTED] and this was the perfect chance.#Hope anon doesn't kill me from sheer annoyance.#In all honesty though#There's this future scene (already written and edited!) that I hope bursts from the depths and pierces your soul without a warning.#So you can see why I can't talk about it in depth.#Yes the scene involves Kya. Yes it involves Zuko. Yes it will be coming sooner than you think.#Have fun theorizing what it's all about#Maybe I'll even have a small surprise for the one who figures it out!#(No Geo you are NOT competing)#(*draws ice blade* you know too much)#dema answers#atla#zutara#for the spirits#zuko#atla kya#Also I most definitely did not just include one thousand spoilers and clues in the wording of these tag ramblings.#Not at all#*insert evil cackle*
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why can't i enjoy things like a normal person? casually, just a few episodes/chapters here and there, then move on with my life. but no, whatever it is, it worms its way into my brain, consumes my thoughts and it slowly drives me insane. i am unable to think about anything else but the Thing of the week, or month, sometimes year(s) if it gets that bad.
#dc#smallville#henry danger#i never thought i'll be here. like actually. smallville is not a surprise i've always liked heroes. i love supes. marvel and dc and whatnot#by proxy me being lowkey into henry danger shouldn't be such a big surpise. but it is. i'm a little lost even i mean what do i do with THIS#because it's not the kind of hero stories i tend to gravitate to. i first watched the show when it aired (being around 16 years old)#and i remember thinking it was funny. maybe too much. i was laughing my ass off really. and now as an adult i find myself#looking for the things that gave me some modicum of comfort in the past. it so happens that one of those things is this silly wacky series#i know when something has embedded itself into my mind in such a way that a hyperfixation is in the making. but still. it's odd#again i cannot reiterate how strange this hyperfixation is and i can only hope it won't last long#because i cannot stay up any longer thinking of how deeply complex both ray and henry are#the connection between the two and whatever weird bullshit they have going on as individuals is. just too much for me#idk. i'm kind of losing my mind#this whole rambling of unorganized thoughts goes specifically for:#lex luthor#ray manchester#yipyip
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sigh feeling nostalgic for my old fics/the old community these days. I miss it man.
#this post is brought to you by the fact that I've been rereading world forgetting the past few days#I've reread parts of it plenty of times#but I haven't actually reread the fic in full... since I wrote it maybe?#does that even count as reading it#it's a fundamentally different experience I think so#anyway I miss having that level of brainrot...#I cringe so much at a lot of the stuff in that fic#but man there were so many great moments#ngl as my 'big fic' i'm most unhappy with I do sometimes think about rewriting some of it#not that theres much of an audience for it anymore#but also that would take too much time and I wouldn't have the patience for it#plus I don't even know how I'd fix it theres so much wrong structurally#it would have to be so much longer which is the opposite of what I'd want for it#I literally am way too busy for that anyway so#ramblings
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[sits up suddenly from my coffin] anybody fuck with my super danganronpa 2 x guy who didnt like musicals au
#i dont post my art for several months and then i return. back into danganronpa once again. and actively combining it with my other interests#for fun and whimsy.#sdr2#nagito komaeda#super danganronpa 2#danganronpa 2#hajime hinata#chiaki nanami#robin draws#anyways other than returning to danganronpa ive just been drawing ocs so i havent had much to share#yes thats ibuki vaguely in the bg she gets to be chiakis boss#sonia gets to be zoey so that she gets to control a helicopter and point a gun at hajime and chiaki#obv things have to be shifted around and changed for them to make sense in their roles but i think hajime as paul is the most#untouched one bc thats just early game hajime where he's freaking out about the fuckass island and how weird everything is#fuyuhiko gets to effectively be the role of bill with peko as alice but obv theyre not a father/daughter dynamic for this au#its altered. to fit Them. and their whole deal they got going on.#maybe fuyuhiko had tried to tell peko to leave and go live her own life but she came back for him and then. Oopsies. join the hive#gundham as professor hidgens would be so fucking funny. you must understand. instead of an alexa he's talking to his devas.#nagito tbh would work as professor hidgens but i made him fill mr. davidsons role for the sole fact of his song being the effective#“i want” song and that just felt too right to pass up#kazuichi fills the role of ted and he's mad that hajime didnt bring sonia#mikan filling charlottes role. junko is sam. i dont think i have to explain further. obv junko isnt a cop thats altered to fit her.#also no ted charlotte affair for this kaz has his eyes set on sonia and only sonia still and mikan has her beloved :)#also i just wanted mikan to have “join us (and die)” bc ogoghgoghgho thats one of my fav songs#greenpeace girl gets to be mahiru cause the personality just feels right.#imposter is Everywhere. i wanted to stick them in a designated role so bad but tbh they're just always there in a diff disguise#anyway im done tag rambling i've been brewing this in my brain for like a week.#feel free to let me know if i was cooking or not and offer ur own ideas and thoughts
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
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-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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Last night someone very close to me made a remark of "I don't know how you write from scratch, I love using chatgpt, it makes it so easy and I don't have to think".
It seems innocent enough as a statement, but especially in the light of everything currently happening in the world, it's a reflection of the current mindset of the average person. They meant it as a half-compliment and expected me to respond by agreeing with them by saying writing is hard. And to an extent, yes, it absolutely is. It's something that's deeply time consuming and takes a lot of effort if you want to get very good at it and hone it as a craft.
But at the same time, it's not hard at all. Just writing for the sake of writing, for the pure intent and joy of creating something, only requires that you have an idea and put forth the time and effort to create something out of it. Writing can be a book, a fanfic, a blog post, a journal entry, or hell even a background story for a DND character - it's all writing and it's all valid, no matter what your skill level is because it's something you are making.
"Why put forth all that effort when you can just ask [insert AI tool here] to do it?"
The act of writing and creating should never be viewed as something unfathomable and unattainable without the assistance of AI. It is something that each and every person is capable of. It is something that humans have been doing for thousands of years. To create is to be human - do not let them convince you that you are incapable of it. Or worse, that it is not worth your time.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but just because something is convenient doesn't mean it should be used. There's a reason why it's being pushed so aggressively by the same large tech corporations and billionaires that are directly funding fascist agendas. There's a reason they're actively trying to dismantle the public education system.
Anti-intellectualism is the goal.
It's a well-documented and researched phenomenon that the less educated a population is, the better it is for capitalists and fascists. An educated population is more likely to organize and engage in critical thinking and criticism because they are able to analyze and understand the underlying sources of the systemic flaws that are the heart of the problem. An uneducated population will allow themselves to be divided and will happily be exploited. They will actively advocate against their own best interests.
There's a reason they are pushing AI so strongly in creative fields and are trying to automate away those jobs specifically. Because not only is creativity skilled labor, it is not guaranteed to be profitable. To them, you are more valuable as cheap, uneducated, unskilled workers that can be more easily alienated from your labor.
It goes hand in hand with the rise of "gig economy" jobs (uber, door dash, etc) and the systemic dismantlement of labor protections. Not only do they want you to be uneducated, they want you to be isolated, poor, and overworked. They want as many hours of your labor as they can possible squeeze from you for the lowest cost and highest profits. They want you to be exhausted in your free time and to fill the void in your heart with rampant consumerism to keep you docile and put more money in their pockets. It's in part why things like phones, tvs, and other formerly luxury goods focused on mindless entertainment have become so cheap.
Time spent on creativity that doesn't drive profit is considered wasteful, but it is also considered dangerous. It encourages critical thinking, community, and it opens the door for people to engage with "radical" ideas that through AI tools they can censor and ensure don't surface. It is why any pro-censorship arguments are inherently pro-fascist. Make no mistake - they are doing everything in their power to make it as desirable as possible to not pursue creative endeavors or engage with anything outside of the carefully cultivated messages in the entertainment they provide.
Instead of turning to chatgpt or whatever other AI tool is out there the next time you want to create something - don't. Challenge yourself to create it on your own. It doesn't matter how "bad" or "sloppy" it is because that's the beauty of it. No one starts out as a master of their craft, their writing becomes better over time because they practice. They write and write and write even if they never publish it. They learn and grow with every piece they create. That is something worth celebrating, now more than ever.
Do not be docile and blindly accept the tools they hand you.
Do not welcome the boot they intend to use to crush you.
Do not advocate for your own demise.
#cinder rambles#no read more bc this is important and i hope worth the read#hopefully its obvious but this applies to school work too because learning critical thinking by writing papers and essays is crucial#this doesnt even touch on the exploitation of the swaths of intellectual property that was illegally harvested to create these tools#this applies to art too but I've seen people more readily adopt writing AI tools and advocate for them vs ai art which has seen pushback#I strongly believe it has been much more nefarious in the harm that it has caused#anti ai#anti capitalism#if this gets any traction i will be muting the notifs#maybe this shouldnt have bothered me as much as it did but it was SO unbelievably jarring since they're otherwise very smart and educated!#and they KNOW how I feel about the rising dependence on AI and how I detest it's usage for creativity#as someone who (unfortunately) works in big tech there are so many valid and beneficial use cases for AI to help make peoples lives better#like automating menial tasks that if done manually are devastating for worker's bodies#or for ML that's used for things like identifying cancer etc#but thats not what these companies are focused on because again - its not profitable#i'm not anti ai across the board but i am deeply anti ai for creative endeavors and anything that tries to replace critical thinking
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I kinda wonder what it is about ultrakill that uh (how do I say this without being an asshole) that attracts so many systems (?)
I like statistics so I wanna like, study what it is about certain games or series that seems to collect folks like that. Is it how the fandom treats a piece of media? Is it the demographic? I donno!
Like if we all just decided to treat doom 2016 the same way we treat ultrakill would introjects n stuff start popping up over there too? (I picked doom cause it's a bloody shoot em up with religious undertones and insano angst potential, but feel free to insert any other game here too) I'm just genuinely curious about it all
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#ultrakill confessions#ultrakill#I think it entirely depends on the audience something markets itself towards#Ultrakill markets itself towards queer people which have a lot of overlap with neurodivergence (including mental illnesses like OSDD/DID)#Autistic and ADHD hyperfixations can lead to newly formed alters in a system pulling from media (since dissociation is a coping mechanism-#-and too much dissociation in early developmental stages leads to dissociative disorders both with and without alters -#- and hyperfixations usually end up being sources of comfort if someone is currently dealing with stressful occurrences)#I'm not entirely a professional but I love psychology (it's one of my special interests) so I may as well ramble a little bit here :3#Classic games (including DOOM afaik) have historically marketed themselves towards a cishet masculine male™ audience#The stuff I've seen of classic game marketing is very “cool guy”-esque and not really “traumatized gay”#I've noticed a lot of Rain World fans end up being fictionkin or systems though (and that also has religious themes but more in a Buddhist-#-than Christian way)#But maybe there's a pattern there? At this point I'm just rambling lol sorry if I'm a little incohesive
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grass knot
[~4.5k words, read it here or on Ao3. tagged with Volo and Lance since they appear as prominent characters; Rei-centric]
Why is it that even the thought of confiding in Akari, his closest friend, makes something constrict in his chest, choking out the words?
Rei, caught in the stirrings of a new arc, tries to rise to its call, but trips over the past at every turn.
A full rewrite of that Mysterious Stones chapter where Volo first shows up, from Rei’s POV, plus a bit more. Written mostly before the Arceus Arc began.
(Setting expectations: a lot of this fic is just Rei Thinking About Stuff haha. Love getting into his head! His characterisation is a little bit different/more nuanced compared to the other Rei oneshot I wrote; hopefully you'll still be along for the ride if you've read that one!)
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“Show me thy bond.” It echoes inside Rei’s skull, down to the very bone, the same as in his earliest memories. He nearly buckles under its weight, but it's a welcome feeling.
After so long without direction, this is a relief. Arceus has finally spoken.
The words fit perfectly with the half-remembered fragments Rei had received some weeks ago in the middle of the night. Why hadn't they been intelligible then? What makes now different? The sync stones ultimate are one factor, of course. Maybe Arceus draws power from them, which is strange to say of a deity, but from what he knows of the Plates, it might not be so far-fetched.
Prince Lear disperses the murmuring crowd; so, the audience all heard it too, not just those on the arena floor. Professor Bellis congratulates Bettie. Cynthia, Lance and Steven whisper among themselves. And his mind still whirls with new theories as they gather together.
What does Arceus want?
‘Seek out all Pokemon’ had meant completing the Pokedex. At least, that’s what he’d assumed. Now, this time, Arceus likely means for them to showcase bonds with their Pokemon, given the context. But what does that actually entail?
Cynthia’s words cut above everyone else's. “Rei. Was that voice…?”
All eyes are on him. He breathes deeply, steeling himself, as the familiar weight of it settles in. Things are moving, now.
“Yes. I'm certain. That was —”
“Indeed! That was a message from Arceus!”
His words catch in his throat. Off-balance, suddenly, as all his thoughts fall away, replaced by a swooping feeling he can't quite identify —
He whirls around.
Volo is here.
He takes a few steps back, an involuntary half-stumble, before remembering himself.
Those flashes of movement he's been seeing, the feeling of being watched, a Togepi, unattended: they’re all now terrifyingly validated. He'd half thought them a product of his overactive mind.
“Excuse-moi, pardon me… but who are you?” Professor Bellis ventures.
“I'm Volo — a humble merchant who loves history and mythology!” With that, he flashes a winning smile. Rei could laugh at the sheer audacity of it all, but his thoughts are still strewn across the dusty ground, scattered, and they slip from his grasp as he tries to gather them up. Whatever sense of gravity he’d felt upon hearing Arceus’ voice has completely lifted.
“But more importantly!” Volo continues. “When the arena shone brightly, I also heard that voice.” He brings his hand up to point at the air with enthusiastic emphasis, a gesture still so terribly familiar. Rei clenches his fists, feeling the nails dig into his skin. Not really out of anger. More as a reminder.
The last time he’d seen Volo had been. Well. Memorable. But that isn’t the image that smiles back at him now, tripping him up. He's in Gingko uniform again, complete with ridiculous oversized backpack, which Rei had thought discarded, up there on the peak. Apparently not. Had Volo returned later, still seething, to collect his things? The concept is strangely hilarious.
“I wonder… these sync stones ultimate… might they be some sort of test from Arceus? If we could show him that ‘bond’ he desires —”
“Sorry, test? Arceus?” Cynthia interrupts with a frown, holding a hand out. “What makes you say that?”
“Why, it's quite simple. Arceus' presence was summoned by these stones, in this exhibition, and he requests us to further show our bond. What else could he desire?” Volo says, gesturing widely.
Rei finally pulls himself upright — scrapes his thoughts together into something resembling coherence. The initial shock has drained away, settling into a distant sort of apprehension. He watches silently. Volo’s not really saying anything too unreasonable, but where is this leading?
There’s so much he doesn’t know. What has Volo been doing, all this time? How long has he been on Pasio? What does he hope to gain, approaching them like this?
He’ll let Volo continue, then. It's an opportunity for some of those questions to be answered.
(And it gives Rei time to think of what to say.)
“Well, put that way, that does make sense,” Steven nods along. “Should we organise for more trainers to try the stones, then?”
“Oui, I would love to gather more data!” Professor Bellis answers. “However, the stones are still quite volatile. There is progress on this, yes, but for now, I would like to limit their use, capisci?”
At this, Bettie speaks up. “Yeah, it was weird.” She runs a hand through her Pikachu’s fur, the mouse curled up lazily in her arms. Nobody in Hisui was quite that affectionate with their Pokemon. Certainly not Akari, though she'd grown closer with her own Pikachu over time. As for himself, Decidueye had been standoffish, averse to being carried even as a baby Rowlet. Well, actually — as his distracted mind digs deeper into memory, he recalls — there had been Volo and his Togepi.
He casts that errant thought away, buries it deep once again. Bettie is still speaking.
“And it was like nothing was there, at first, and Pikachu and I had to concentrate really hard. And then — whoosh! Wow! Overwhelming,” she shifts Pikachu’s weight to one arm to gesture with emphasis, “and all at once.”
“And this is when Arceus spoke,” Lance asks.
Bettie nods, now subdued. “It was a rush! I think you guys could handle it, but I dunno if everyone could.”
“If I may,” and all attention returns to Volo. “It seems the stones can currently be used by trainers with particularly powerful convictions, and bonds with their Pokemon,” he gestures with a smile to Bettie. She blushes.
At the casual flattery, Rei can't help the small frown that twists onto his face. It seems innocent enough, but compliments and niceties can so easily mask true intent.
Especially with Volo.
Volo continues. “Perhaps we might solve this by way of a tournament, of sorts. Allowing Arceus to witness our talent and dedication, with the victor bestowed the honour of using the stones! Of course, the winner of such a competition would have the fortitude necessary to handle such power.”
Well, taking that to its logical end… Volo wants to win, and be granted this ‘honour’ he so conveniently proposed. But why go to all this trouble? The stones appear out in the streets quite often — apparently, found even by preschoolers. Volo should have no trouble obtaining them.
Does he know something they don't?
“Bettie here led the first winning PML team, did she not?” At this, the girl in question smiles Mareepishly. “And that is why she was the one to demonstrate the stones, I presume,” Volo inclines his head towards the Champions.
Informed guess, or something more? He thinks back on half-seen, furtive movements, and wonders.
“That's right,” Steven confirms. “Bettie is a shining example to us: a leader of the next generation. We decided there was no better choice.”
“So you suggest we hold another tournament,” Lance says thoughtfully. “Well, there is precedent. Prince Lear,” he turns to the Prince, whom Rei had honestly half forgotten was there. “What do you think?”
Before Lear can reply, Volo reinserts himself into the conversation. “It would be a grand tournament, truly fitting of Pasio's reputation. Why, perhaps, the deity Arceus might even be compelled to descend —”
Ah. So that’s what he intends. “Aren't you getting ahead of yourself there?” Rei interrupts. He means to sound stern, but it comes out sounding more incredulous. Not at the idea itself, but at how brazenly it’s admitted.
“Perhaps,” Volo says with a careless shrug. He doesn’t acknowledge Rei any differently than the others, still maintaining their inadvertently shared ruse. “It's only speculation, of course, but it is exciting to think about!”
“Hmph! I believe I was the one being addressed,” Prince Lear declares, arms crossed. His red shades flash dangerously, eyes hidden under their glint. Directed at him, it's almost like the full glare of an Alpha Pokemon.
Rei’s face flushes with heat to the tips of his ears. Great time he picked to enter the discussion. He quietly ducks his head down; the Prince is in charge, here, after all. He'd rather not test his patience.
Meanwhile, Volo just smiles, seemingly unfazed.
There's a part of him that really wants to know how Volo does that. It's just — he's so confident. How can he be so sure that everything will work out in his favour?
“A grand tournament,” Prince Lear ponders, tapping his foot. “And what could be grander than the second Pokemon Masters League?”
“Indeed!” Volo beams. “I'm sure the audience would love to see the clash between a king and a deity, would they not?”
Lear's tapping stills. His guarded stance loosens; he's taken aback. Volo emphasised king, and oh, Lear's official title is Prince. Hm.
There's something more deliberate about it beyond just casual flattery.
Lear uncrosses his arms and seems at a loss, for a moment, on where to put them before straightening up with his hands on hips. “Is that so?” He laughs. “I like the sound of that!” A pause, unnecessarily dramatic. Nobody breaks the silence, not even Volo.
The Prince looks around with some satisfaction and continues. “Very well, then. The winning team of the second PML will be granted the honour of using the sync stones ultimate.” He grins, sharply, red shades flashing once again. “Which will include me, of course. Hahahahaha!”
“You have a real gift for making quick decisions!” Volo says cheerfully. The tension breaks. Chuckles arise from the rest of the group, and Rei can only stare in disbelief. That — that has to be mockery, right? But everyone else seems to take it as light teasing, even the quick-tempered Prince himself.
Against his better judgement, his gaze catches Volo’s.
He doesn't know what he expects to see: amusement? Satisfaction? Triumph? And there's some of that, but it's a wry, knowing sort of look, like a joke shared only between the two of them.
Already the others are starting to animatedly discuss between themselves. Bettie makes a teasing comment to Lear, who scoffs. Professor Bellis says something about checking in on the sync stone technology. Cynthia, Lance and Steven form their own little group again, speaking in low tones, and he can't quite follow their discussion.
It seems like he's the only one who notices Volo quietly slipping away, and he's got half a mind to do the same.
Would it be incredibly ill-advised to follow him? Probably. But he still has questions. And it’s possible that Volo will let his guard down when they're alone.
(Even to him, that seems incredibly optimistic. But there’s things between them that he himself would rather only unearth in private. Maybe Volo feels the same way. And even if not, perhaps he'll gloat, or tease playfully, and let on something of use hidden in the thorned barbs.)
It's not like he has much left to contribute here. Tournaments and competitions and organised displays are foreign to him. The Neo Champion Stadium had felt so different from the kind of battles he’s used to… which, in part, could be why he lost.
He needs to train. If everything rests on the result of this tournament, he has to be ready.
The group seems to be naturally dispersing, at least — Professor Bellis just excused herself — so he won't be missed. With some quick words, he, too, turns to leave. They can handle this part, and Rei will do his.
Prince Lear had mentioned a winning team, and Pasio battles are generally three on three, from what he's seen. Who could he ask? There's Akari, of course. And the clan leaders, but it would feel strange to team up with only one and not the other. A little bit too reminiscent of another time.
His steps carry him nearly to the edge of the arena.
Besides, he's getting ahead of himself. He still has to… well, he should explain everything to them. About Volo.
Even all these months later, it still aches. He had buried it all, hoping to let it rot away, to be free of that thorny mass of contradictory feelings that arose every time he dwelled on it.
But the longer he waits, the more impossible it seems to explain — to explain not only the events of that fateful day, but also his own, confusing silence on the matter. Though he’s tried to plough the field, turn it all over and start anew, it still lies just beyond the surface, and a single misstep is all it takes to snarl him all over again. Why is it that even the thought of confiding in Akari, his closest friend, makes something constrict in his chest, choking out the words?
(Akari is unquestionably the one person he's closest to. But there was a time when that singular title wasn't so clear cut.)
There’s a sort of tunnel that leads out of the stadium, a long darkened archway that passes under the audience stands. He's about halfway through when he hears footsteps from behind, swift and purposeful strides.
His breath catches, for a moment. But Volo left first, and the arena had been flat and wide, with no corners to lurk in. Besides, it's too loud. Clearly telegraphed.
Cynthia, maybe?
He turns. The face that greets Rei is slightly less familiar. “Lance,” he acknowledges the Champion.
“Rei,” Lance greets in turn, stopping a few paces away. Arms crossed, silhouetted against the light of the arena and framed by the tunnel’s dark, arching walls, his tall figure is — intimidating.
He can’t help but wonder whether that's deliberate.
“You left before I could ask,” Lance says, and there's a pause. “As someone who has prior experience with Arceus, what do you think of all this?”
A fair enough question. But the way it's said… sounds a little too carefully worded. Casual, but purposefully so.
What sort of answer does Lance expect?
“It sounds reasonable enough,” he decides to say. As much as he hates to lend credence to Volo’s proposal, he can't think of anything better. It somehow seems to suit their needs perfectly, which he's sure is no accident. “Back in Hisui, I was told to seek out all Pokemon, so I helped with the Pokedex. In the same way, I guess this could help fulfil Arceus' new request.”
Lance nods along, but his brows furrow. “You sounded more sceptical, earlier,” he points out.
Ah. Not really his intent, but… “That was about the more…” he casts about for the right word, “speculative part of it. I don't know if it would really call Arceus down, or anything like that.” Though honestly, he doesn't know that it won't.
“What do you think will happen, then?” Lance asks, with clear curiosity, and, well. He doesn't really have a good answer to that.
“... I don't know,” he admits. “I never actually completed the Pokedex, so I'm not sure what happens after Arceus’ request is fulfilled.” He had been close, but there had still been so many minor tasks that needed finishing, things to busy himself with, to arrange and get in order before he had to face Giratina again.
He hadn't been ready, yet. Maybe Arceus had grown impatient, and brought him here to confront his problems directly. Maybe it cared. Maybe it didn't.
(Seeing Giratina with Cynthia had felt a little like he was the punchline of some divine comedy.)
Lance purses his lips and looks off into the distance, out of the stadium, past Rei. He wishes he could read the man’s expressions better; as it is, the set of his brows calls to mind Kamado, and everything else tangled up with it.
Finally, Lance’s gaze turns directly to Rei once again, and he speaks. “That Volo… you two know each other.”
It’s not a question, but even then, the expression of unguarded surprise he can’t hold back might be answer enough.
Lance has one hand on his hip, the other, at rest, is framed by the drape of his cape. He looks down at Rei as he states plainly, “His clothes aren’t of modern make, so the logical assumption would be that he’s from Hisui. Cynthia confirmed my suspicion. And, historically, Hisuian communities were few and quite tightly knit. It’s more likely than not.”
He tries to keep his expression carefully neutral, as logic digs deeper, dangerously close to things unexplainable. And the earth is already recently disturbed, soft, friable. He can’t offer much resistance. “I've seen him around,” he concedes.
“But why did neither of you acknowledge the other?” Lance looks confused; frustrated, even. “Even a passing acquaintance would be notable, with both of you being here in the future.”
And here — this is familiar. The accusations. The questions he can’t answer. But it’s different; it’s not that he doesn’t know the answers. He just can’t seem to put them in an order that would make sense, to anyone else.
(Does he really understand, himself?)
But eyes are on him, and he needs to explain, in whatever unsatisfactory way he can. “Volo and I… it's complicated,” he laughs weakly, tugging at his scarf. “He genuinely does love history and mythology, you know. I guess I wouldn't be that surprised if he was right about Arceus.” All those times they’d pored over ruins together, Volo excitedly babbling on about whatever legend this one related to — there had to have been the seed of something real, something genuine, in that.
It’s not really an answer. Lance can obviously tell, because he crosses his arms.
“Is he bad news?” he asks bluntly.
There’s no twisting his way out of this one.
Some of the panic he’s feeling must bubble up onto his face, because Lance’s expression softens, just a bit. The man sighs. “Look, Rei, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but us Champions need to have all the relevant information. This tournament, the stones,” he gestures around them, “affect everyone here on Pasio. So I’m sorry about involving myself in your business, but it's necessary. Should we be keeping an eye on Volo?”
It’s obvious what the correct answer is. And every second he delays responding makes him seem all the more untrustworthy. He questions, a little hysterically, why this of all things is what he stubbornly roots himself for, risking this place he’s made for himself in another unfamiliar land.
But his jaw works, and all that slips out of his throat, past the thorny tangle, is a “Maybe.” The most ground he can concede. “Volo’s… passionate about Arceus.” Which is perhaps the biggest understatement of both this century and the last.
There's an expectant pause. He almost leaves it at that, but it seems it's too unfinished a sentiment for Lance. “He wants to be seen by it.”
“The same way you are?” Lance says sharply. Arceus, he picked up on that fast. Rei hopes he leaves it at that. A rivalry fallen apart, twisted into bitterness and jealousy, nothing more.
Nothing world-ending.
It’s not like he doesn’t trust Cynthia, and by extension the other Champions. It’s just… he can deal with it himself. It’s what he was probably brought here to do, anyway. The thought of someone else turning him over, and finding him lacking — fighting his battles for him — makes him uneasy.
“Yeah, something like that,” he answers, with a painful swallow.
Besides, he hopes he can resolve this peacefully. He’d beaten Volo before, even after he’d flipped the rules of battle on their head. And this time Volo can’t upend the script; one good thing about tournaments, he supposes, is that the rules are rigorously upheld. A different sort of battleground.
He wants to laugh at that. Suppositions and wildly optimistic thoughts are his only foundation, and yet it’s enough for him to reject all possibility of outside help.
Then again, if he can’t even bring himself to tell Akari, what chance does he have of breaking that self-imposed silence, here, on less familiar ground?
Lance hums, assessing this. He uncrosses his arms. “If that friend of yours does anything drastic, tell us, alright?” he says. It’s said warmly, but there's something serious to it. An undertone. “Our job is to help out wherever we can, so don’t hesitate to reach out.”
Rei tries for a smile. “Understood.”
Lance nods, and looks Rei up and down, though it's only a subtle flicker of his eyes. His gaze lingers on the scarf at Rei’s neck, which Rei realises he’s been fidgeting with unconsciously. He lets go with faint embarrassment, feeling caught out.
The other man sighs. “You can go, you know?” There’s resignation in his voice. Maybe even something apologetic. In that moment, he seems more like Kamado than ever.
Rei doesn’t want to turn his back to him, but he wants to be here even less. So he nods, stiffly, and turns himself around, continuing the dark walk through the tunnel and out the stadium at a steady pace.
He doesn’t run.
(But his hand hovers by his satchel, where Decidueye's Pokeball rests.)
It’s only when he’s walked for a good while, out into the harsh sunlight, through the town outskirts and to a more forested spot, that the tension drains from him. He sits at the base of a large tree, feeling a little lightheaded.
That was… an interrogation, to put it bluntly. And he can’t really fault Lance for it. To anyone, he's sure, his actions are confusing at best.
Unfortunately, he’s found that he’s less than clear headed when it comes to Volo. He turns over Lance’s final words. That friend of yours. It’s not surprising Lance phrased it that way; everything Rei had said had been carefully woven to lead him to that conclusion.
Except it hadn’t been misdirection, not fully. He does still think of Volo as his friend, despite everything.
He slumps backwards, against the trunk of the tree, feeling the rough bark dig against the base of his skull.
What is he supposed to do with that?
Apparently, one of the worst days of his life isn’t enough to uproot over a year of growing camaraderie and budding friendship. Too many memories knot together, a stubborn tangle impossible to pick apart. He’s tried not to think about them too hard, but they tighten their hold once again, from where they lay dormant and buried.
Many of them have been forcibly recontextualised. He’s second guessed every helpful gift, every directly admiring word, every coincidental and fortunate appearance, as something deliberate and cultivated. But some of it, it seems, doesn't fit so neatly with that singular goal.
One day, they’d watched Togepi use Metronome for an hour, ostensibly for Rei’s surveying purposes. Important documentation of a seemingly random phenomenon, and all that. In actuality, they laughed the entire time, with no useful or coherent records to speak of, as the results became all the more improbable.
They’d camped together, those last months, as the search for the Plates got wilder and more exciting. He knows Volo’s favoured way to build a camp-fire, and how he wakes up unreasonably early in the morning, and that he prefers sweet foods over savoury, unlike Rei himself. A hundred mundane familiarities shared, taking root in fallow ground.
Once, Volo had been his only friend in the entire world.
Is it surprising, then, that he can’t lay this friendship to rest so easily?
He wonders what it means, that the hand offered to him at his lowest point was the same one that always meant to drag him back down. And what it means that he still wants to reach for it.
Had any real feelings been sowed there, on Volo’s part? Or was the entire thing a carefully constructed weaving, an intricate field of grass knots laid around Rei, ready to catch him in their snare?
He can’t quite strangle the hope that something of their friendship still exists, even if neglected and overgrown. And that’s the part that scares him.
He has Akari, and Adaman, and Irida. He has Professor Laventon and the Captain, though they’re far away. Then there’s the Wardens, more friendly faces: Mai, Sabi, Ingo, and all the others; there's Zisu and Pesselle and Beauregard and everyone else in Jubilife. New friends here on Pasio, too.
He pulls out Decidueye’s Pokeball from his satchel, and rolls it around in his right hand. He has his beloved Starter.
He has friends. He has bonds.
Why can’t that be enough?
The Pokeball he’s holding isn't the original. He'd had to break that well-loved possession in two, and recapture Decidueye in this modern device. It's a distant echo of its predecessor, wooden grooves and clunky iron replaced by smooth metal and near imperceptible seams. The weight of it is all wrong.
But despite that, it's still his partner, and that's what matters.
(The two broken halves sit in his satchel, too, carried on his person at all times. It's yet another thing he can't bring himself to let go of.)
He sighs, tracing formless shapes in the dirt. His hand finds one of the sparse clumps of grass that grow here, directly under this wide and mighty tree. Deprived of proper sun, it’s a miracle that there’s any at all.
It seems more and more likely that he’ll end up looking for Volo on his own. To get answers: not only about the stones, and the tournament, and Volo’s intentions with Arceus, but also for his own ends.
Maybe there’s still something there. A single glimpse of life in this scorched earth between them.
He doesn’t know what he’ll do then.
Where he sits, what little grass there is has grown long and ragged, as their leaves stretch and reach for the sun. He sets Decidueye’s ball down and plucks two long blades. With a few simple loops and twists, they’re deftly woven together into a knot. He considers it, looping it around his fingers; tightens it, pulling on both ends, until he can feel the entire construct threaten to snap from the force. He stops.
The thing is, no matter if it was never meant to be real, deliberately sowed, intended ultimately for harvest — it’s all the same, to Rei. He wants to keep it alive. He’s hopeful. Naive. Selfish.
For a single, impossible moment, he wonders whether this is what Arceus meant by bonds all along.
The knot goes in his satchel, where it will turn dry and brittle with time. But kept safe, unbroken, regardless. Maybe his future self will laugh at his sentimentality. Maybe, he won't remember why it’s there.
Wouldn't that be for the best?
He tucks Decidueye’s ball away, with care, then hauls himself up, both hands braced against the dusty ground. There’s dirt under his fingernails. From under the tree’s darkened canopy, he squints into the afternoon sunlight.
There’s a lot that needs to be done. He needs to train for this tournament, for one. Learn more about modern battling. Pull together a team. With that, ask Akari, and perhaps Adaman or Irida. Confront Volo, somewhere in all of this.
After that? Only Arceus knows.
One step at a time.
He finds his footing, around gnarled roots. The grass crunches underfoot. And he steps into the light.
(So maybe I was just snared by the grass knots you laid in my path. But if I wove my own, would you fall for it too?)
#finally posted this thing! further rambles and commentary in the tags#trainer rei#rei pokemon#pokemas#pokemon masters#legends arceus#volo#champion lance#pokemon volo#pokemon fanfiction#rei#lance#// tikposting#// tikart#// fanfic#// tikwrites#backstrikeduo#i've been mulling it over a while since rei's canonical pokemas characterisation Intrigues me#not telling people about Volo is sort of an objectively not smart thing to do but it makes sense !!!#rei both wanting to be friends with volo again and also not really trusting others (but especially authority) that much#rei going through his “i can fix him” era (maybe he'll end up being right! who knows! arceus maybe)#they WILL be friends (again?). whether Volo likes it or not.#experimented with metaphors; hope they didn't get too abstract or confusing#also can't believe that bits of my lance and rei convo ended up echoed in the canon cynthia and rei convo#when Rei says that Volo genuinely loves history and myths…#that was in my draft! SMH Pokemas writers have been peeking into my Google Docs XDD#spot the references to PLA! some more obvious than others#gosh can you tell this guy lives in my head rent free XDDD#feel free to ramble to me about your thoughts on them and the way the story is developing in pokemas i'm all ears#behold also my sort of insane multi hour painting that i did for my fic that isn't even 5k words long
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Yokai to Human Form Tidbit
Ok so there's human designs/ forms for Caspian's yokai friends 1, for fun, and 2, cause there's some situations where it's convenient/just better to have some in human forms (EX: Whisper coming to Caspian's choir concerts and conferences bc his parents are. fairly absent). Everyone has their own opinions on it and stuff and in this post I'ma talk about Baddinyan's!!
So fun little fact he does Not Like being human. This is mostly for body dysphoria adjacent feelings, like all of a sudden he has different hair, no fur, different ear placement, etc. The 'phantom limb' thing tends to happen with his tails, too, which is trippy and kinda uncomfortable. He also hates that a lot of his senses are dulled. smell, hearing, sight (especially in the dark), it makes everything feel kinda hazy and causes him to be a lot more stressed about everything.
Idk maybe I just think it's kinda funny to see a character thrown into a whole new form and reasonably be like. what. the hell this sucks. His easygoing (nice way of me saying his lazy ahh) and usually pretty chill/surprisingly level-headed mood is def worsened when he's constantly feeling skin that doesn't technically belong to him. A form he shouldn't really have.
As a result, he's oftentimes irritable and anxious in this form, with some days being better than others. He typically avoids having to use it unless he needs to though, and refuses to take his glasses off for anything. Has to be bribed with a Chocobar to enma forbid go out in public. He's also less used to it than most due to his extreme aversion to it. He just hates it and everything is physically gross and cloudy and nothing's in the right place and he can't explain why.
Badude, on the other hand, doesn't mind being human! It feels more similar to his body than it does for Baddinyan, and is kind of a fun change of pace every now and then. He's Baddinyan's like. closest friend besides Caspian in this AU, so he's typically who's convincing him to not kill everyone in the room and/or take off the stupid leaf in public lol. Their convos can sometimes go like
"C'mon, it's just until we get outta the store. Don't get your non-existent tails in a twist-"
"Shut up and do nyot remind me right nyeow."
"(Oh it's like. that kind of day whoopsies) Mbmb, we can ditch these nerds and go look at the candy isle or somethin' for a bit..?"
He stinks at comforting people or anything like that but tries. Sometimes. idiots
I'm working on references, but all I have to say about their designs for now is vitiligo Black-Mexican Baddinyan and Mexican-Japanese Badude CANON!!! See you for now! :) Have a radtastical day out there, don't implode or get rocks thrown into your inbox!! (again for some of you...)
#hahhhhhh guess who had to rewrite this cuz i accidently posted it to a community and deleted it without thinking without pasting it into my#doc for rants? meee...wahaha.......#sorry to be a bit of a downer lately about stuff like this especially in tags!! but sometimes i wonder if there's someone or something out#there that really doesn't like my stories and stuff cause it keeps getting deleted ;=u=#not that it matters too much but it's been making me pretty sad recently dsmcfjdekope but anyways omg what am i doing#I'm gonna make myself some hot choco and rewrite this! better!! then I'll watch yokai watch >:) we got this yall <333#pretty much end of rewriting this yomakai here!! Maybe it's projection but I. can't see most of the characters on my team as lightskinned#explodes I love YAPPING!!! Also I'm in a far better mood now wahahaugh!!#Baddinyan#●posts from yomakai#□ yolo watch 2!#♤ resident rambles#I love aus#so murhcsdd.ed.......#always ask me questions about it alwsays btw. will yap about them anytime#OH!! IF I HAVENT RESPONDED TO YOUR MESSAGE SORRY!!!#I've been a bit preoccupied with working on au stuff like this and or trying not to stress over Big Thing tomorrow that might be fun tho!!#Love yall and goodbye as I said previously. thank you for reading my asinine ramblings as usual!! ^u^#Oml forgot to mention#black mexican baddinyan is based off my hc for jibanyan being blk/jp and roughraff being mex/jp#Mixed characters my beloved#I speak in the tags what I fear in the post/lh/hj
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been thinking for a while about tumblr and the things i do and don't sort of allow myself to post or reblog and what freedom i want in different spaces etc. all of which is a long leadup to saying i have made for myself a sideblog for things i wouldn't feel comfortable putting on my main blog for a variety of reasons. if any of my mutuals want the url so you can follow, just send an ask or message and i'll pass it along.
but also, if i know you irl, i will likely (with all possible love) say no, because the whole point is making a place to post stuff that's too vulnerable or embarrassing for like, people who KNOW me. if you're someone i met online but kind of know irl now too it's fine to ask but it might still be a no.
i don't want anyone worrying this blog is going to be for venting or mean stuff it's really mostly just going to be for nsfw or again things that are too personal for people who know me as a person but fine for strangers on the internet because that's how my brain works.
#rose rambles#i don't even know how much i'm going to use it#there's just been a number of times in the last maybe half year or so#where i've thought about reblogging something but been too shy or making a post but then gotten in my head about it#i am all for the spirit of My Blog Is Mine and I'll Put Anything On It#but in practice#i am censoring myself. and so separate sideblog it is.#also non mutuals can ask if you'd like
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Looking through my blog and painfully realizing that I enjoy drawing my Sun and Moon based OCs more than Sun and Moon themselves.
#like... i haven't been drawing sun and moon at all#I have no idea if that's a bad thing??#Maybe it has to do with the fact that this blog was originally created to post about my original characters#fandom and non-fandom ocs#But man it's a little sad I think#Apologies to all of you if you were expecting a lot of Sun and Moon content here#I've offered too much Tipsie that I think this seemed to become the new tipsie blog#bruh i love drawing tipsie#rambling
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read through the shadow triad's quotes page again and i'm wondering why they (or at least, one of them bc they only say this once) still say "Lord N" in bw2. if they're all loyal to ghetsis they shouldn't really care about n since he was just ghetsis's pawn right? they could have been calling n lord in bw1 to keep up appearances that n is the true king of team plasma but they don't have to do that into the sequel. wondering exactly how loyal they are to n
on a related note they do Not say "Lord Ghetsis" until the second game, even after the reveal that ghetsis was using n. then, after ghetsis's defeat, they stop using the word lord again but call themselves "royal servants" which is interesting to me. i think its some kind of honor thing where ghetsis lost the privilege of being called lord in their eyes but they're still part of the kingdom he attempted to build and so they're royal. but then why Not call him lord ghetsis in bw1? the first time they refer to him by name is while they're still serving n, so that could again be keeping up appearances, and the rest of the times are after ghetsis is defeated so it could be the honor thing again?
#clai speaks#honestly the royal thing might be a typo i'm thinking......#bc a very similar sentence is used in bw1 in similar context (farewell to bw1 protag and final battle against bw2 protag)--#--except it says ''loyal servants'' in bw1. maybe ghetsis gave them a promotion idk#i'm still trying to work on my hc post bw2 shadow triad.....#but i am not a writer. never been good at character creation. i am very much struggling to characterize any of them BEJBDJF#trying to do it Has got me interested in them though. i was kinda neutral on them before i didnt have an opinion on them#now i Want to know more about them and see how they could potentially interact with bw1 n anthea and concordia#criminal that they werent made playable in pokemas after their event debut.......#why are they and the striaton trio locked in npc jail. free them#last thought. i think i've said it before also so i wont put it up in the main part of the post but the way theres one triad member--#--who talks in a more laidback snarky way but Only Once bc once he rejoins the other two he's indistinguishable again#the loss of individuality. the way its clearly Forced bc he's like that on his own but stops when the situation calls for it. free my boy :(#ACKKK on mobile i cant edit tags. when i said ''bw1 n anthea and concordia'' i meant bw2#but bw1 is interesting too. how much did they actually follow n. if they were ghetsis's pawns anthea and concordia must not have liked them#etc etc. the harmonias are a messy bunch its very interesting#rambling again....... i love bw so much i love talking about it :)
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Happy Thursday! Have a list of some of my favourite underrated Apollo factoids!
Father of the Lapiths (and by extension the Centaurs)! While Chiron wasn't Apollo's by birth, an alternate telling of the genesis of centaurs did place Apollo as their father when his lover Stilbe bore him twin sons - Lapithes and Centaurus. Much like the more popular version of the centaurs' genesis which has them as an analogue for wild and untempered desire, this version also features the centaurs causing chaos - both by choosing to mate with the wild mares of the mountainside which resulted in their half man-half horse appearance and by causing a terrible uproar during a wedding ceremony (which, of course, is an alternate telling of the centauromachy wherein Apollo himself comes to quell the wedding quarrel as opposed to Heracles) There's a whole great deal of psychomachia embedded in the opposing of the centaurs with humanity and I've always loved this version due to the way it highlights that centaurs do have the same capability for good that humans do as they have the parentage, but it's their choices that make them beastly - not the circumstances of their birth.
Eurytus, the original owner of the Apollonian bow Odysseus uses and the one Penelope sets apart for the suitors to string in her challenge, was Apollo's grandson. He was such a skilled archer that Apollo gave him one of his own bows and he was even believed to have taught Heracles archery. Unfortunately, he became rather prideful about the whole thing and declared himself an even better archer than Apollo and proceeded to challenge his grandfather to an archery contest wherein Apollo gave him the honour of shooting first and then promptly shot him dead with his own arrow for his insult. Apollo passed the bow on to his much sweeter great-grandson Iphitus who later gave the bow to his good friend Odysseus.
Despite boars usually being regarded as creatures of wild, raging temperament, there's a particular curiousity about the Erymanthian Boar not being called to be slain by Heracles but instead retrieved alive. According to a couple different versions, the Erymantian Boar was either the boar Artemis summoned to kill Adonis for Aphrodite having killed Hippolytus (and thusly, was named after Erymanthos, the marshy region sacred to the goddess where it wandered) or Apollo himself transformed into a boar to kill Adonis because Aphrodite blinded his son Erymanthus (which, accordingly, would be the reason for the boar's name) who saw the goddess bathing after she'd had sex with Adonis and tattled on her (this, naturally, would've occurred between Persephone and Aphrodite's 'cold war' for Adonis). Either way, the Erymanthian Boar was a sacred animal to the twins and provides a very interesting bit of depth to what is one of the more overlooked labours of Heracles. (There's even a bit about a particular temple of Apollo's claiming that they had the boar's tusks enshrined there)
According to Nonnus' Dionysica, after the whole Hyacinthus affair, Apollo had a bit of a phobia of the wind. In particular, there's a passage that describes "...when Zephyros breathed through the flowery garden, Apollon turned a quick eye upon his young darling, his yearning never satisfied; if he saw the plant beaten by the breezes, he remembered the quoit, and trembled for fear the wind..."
In the early days of the Bohemian Grove (that is, an exclusive American gentleman's club) one of the earliest productions put on at their annual meeting is an original work by early American author Will Irwin. His work, which was played at the 1904 meeting, was called the Hamadryads and features a Greek myth OC called Meladon who kidnapped the titular hamadryads (who were actual spirits in greek myth) and trapped them in trees. The play ends when Apollo descends and slays Meladon with an arrow, freeing the hamadryads. This isn't strictly related to classical greek myth but it is also, by far, one of the wildest things I've ever learned while researching modern theatric adaptations of greek dramas and tragedies because the Bohemian Grove is also the center of many conspiracy theories which involve concepts like the New World Order and other such secret society beliefs. Naturally, I had to share this information.
#ginger rambles#ginger chats about greek myths#apollo#I have so so SO many random bits and bobs about Apollo that I've collected over the years y'all#I've been having a rough morning so I thought I'd cheer myself up with some apollo rambling#The other popular birth story of the centaurs is that they were born from Ixion's lust#And that Heracles was there at the wedding where he killed a bunch of centaurs to save the poor girl from being kidnapped#Caeneus was a Lapith too btw#Yes Caeneus who was originally female then violated by Poseidon then turned into a man Caeneus#He died at the centauromachy#Please do not confuse him with Carneus who was Apollo's foster son and much beloved by him#Maybe I'll do sons of Apollo that people killed and then got plague'd for in my next spontaneous Apollo trivia hour#I can have a whole trivia hour dedicated to Apollo and Heracles tbh#I love their stupid little rivalry so much#greek mythology
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d8ca16f060b5df262f8d80b389cfe37f/c85d481926cefe5f-c5/s540x810/c086f6ef7d58fa195fa024b4a4e6c4417a351816.jpg)
Thinking bout the time someone yelled at me because they didn't understand butches.
#feeling some kind of way about telling queer stories lately#and what makes something “queer enough”#which. in my opinion is that any story I tell is queer enough because I am a queer person telling stories about queer characters#but there are always going to be people who call that into question if boys arent kissing boys and girls arent kissing girls#in easy uncomplicated ways#looking glasses is meant to be messy#everyone is at turning points in their lives. they're young adults whose identities and relatio ships aren't fully formed yet#but those complications (in my opinion) are what make the story queer#what are dess's pronouns? she/her but only because she hasnt had a chance to think about anything else#when an overbearing mother got her daughter back after they were missing for years#she might have a hard time adjusting to her child maybe not being her “daughter”#which is queerer: two women getting together or breaking up?#i dont think it matters#but I find these in between spaces interesting to explore#and it's my story that I'm doing for free#so even if dess looks too much like a man#i dont owe it to anybody to conform my story to someone else's expectations#(long ramble that probably isnt very coherent)#(i've just been thinking about some of this stuff lately. and this is the funniest response I've ever gotten to the comic)#(like yeah. she is a girl. good job!)#(i dont often get hate on the comic (which I'm glad for) so whenever I do I find the types of hate really fascinating)#(and dont worry. I got this months ago. I've just been thinking about it again recently and laughing)#nickel for my thoughts
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