#maybe I've just been in the wrong mood for this idk

[caffeinated-bibliophile]

Hmm. I'm only like 10-15% into Organizing Solutions for People With ADHD but it's giving serious "middle class, able bodied, never been food insecure, and lives near or in a city" vibes. I think I'm starting to get an idea of what reviews that mentioned ableism were talking about.

[vamptastic]

now that i know abt my blood sugar problems i'm thinking back to times as a kid (post-puberty cos it's from the pcos) and it's like ohh this may have been a problem for years. i used to throw up every time i drank an artificial cherry flavored drink and thinking back it wasn't actually every time and i'm guessing it may have been just that i rarely drank or ate things high in sugar so the few cherry-related incidents were hypoglycemia that i formed a false correlation around. i also get sick every time i take a plane ride, like almost immediately upon arriving at my destination or towards the end of the flight, and i think while some of it has just been genuinely being ill from my ass immune system it definitely could also be hypoglycemia from not sleeping or eating enough in advance of or when traveling. i also got into the habit of drinking something with ginger when nauseous which is usually ginger ale bc it's easier than brewing tes and while ginger does just generally help for nausea those bouts of random nausea could definitely be blood sugar and the soda would obviously help with that.

idk it's tough bc i only got tested for this once when i was 13, and they were mostly looking for thyroid problems and only incidentally tested for diabetes/insulin resistance markers, until my shit started getting bad around 17 and i finally got thorough testing. i also wonder if it was worse a year or so before the testing because i went on birth control the year before and with the PCOS being the main cause that could've helped with my blood sugar levels. i don't have enough data and what i do have i don't really know what it means other than that i probably will get diabetes if i don't actively try not to.

just looking back i started getting random spells of dizziness and nausea and hot flashes around age 11 with it progressively getting worse till i started dealing with it around 16 and i wonder if a lot of that illness wasn't from the underlying issue ive had the whole time. some of it was definitely hormones but i think i may have basically just been attributing it all to anything But hypoglycemia because the thought that i could have something as serious as diabetes wasn't even on my radar and i wasn't tracking anything in relation to when i was eating.

like diabetes is a slow process of the pancreas failing, right? i'm oversimplifying but like over time your body stops responding to and/or producing insulin properly. and mine already doesn't respond to insulin properly but just not to an extent where my body is fully incapable of producing and using insulin without external insulin pills/injections. and idk where that puts me in terms of am i or am i not diabetic and should i be dieting like a diabetic person and trying to manage my blood sugar like one or will that just make it worse.

[chillllii]

yall ever have those friends that dont seem to enjoy anything?

like not exactly in a "grumpy complaining the whole time way" but in kinda every way, they're uncomfortable, sad, frustrated, upset in some way about whatever it is that your listing

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Hi! I love your interpretation of the yan batfam so much bdnfbfkjfnd I was wonderong how you think Dick and/or Jason would react to a rather compassionate batsis?

She's definitely not on board with their obsession but she can understand where their coming from and gives them like ACTUAL compassion.

Ik you said Dick enjoys having a positive image in front of others most of all his younger sister, so how would he react to her seeing his flaws but still, being kind? Jason strives to be "normal", so much so he spirals sometimes, but like what would knowing/experiencing genuine closeness (not pity or false pretenses) change?

Idk if either of them would redeem their bad habits, but am curious to know what being truly seen and accepted would do to them, especially by someone they care about so much. The bats can have their walls pretty high up after all

A/N: sorry about the late responses. I've been out of it the past few days.

context dick context jay

Okay so when you are dealing with yanderes... you are dealing with extremely unstable people. There are so many ways thus could go but here's just one

Dick

Maybe your compassion makes Dick chill out a bit with his unhealthy tendencies. I think initially he'd still be uncomfortable and bothered that you can see right through him. You can see all his flaws and you don't revere him like the others which is bad. It will still anger him and he'll try manipulating you into loving him like everyone does at first.

A heart to heart with him could work. You acknowledge you know he's crumbling and has really horrible coping mechanisms but that doesn't mean that you don't love him. That you respect him even more because you see just how much passion he puts into everything that he does. It isn't his fault he craves so much validation when he had the upbringing he had but he doesn't have to pretend to be someone he's not to please you. That even if he doesn't smile as much or be selfish sometimes that you won't love him any less. You give him a space to be authentic with you with no judgment.

"erm,,,okay. I'll keep that in mind."

He's a bit taken back by it and doesn't know how to exactly process what you just said. I've mentioned before that he doesn't exactly know how to just be himself because for most of his life he was always being someone that others needed.

He's still on guard for a while. He will dip his toes in the waters by maybe not smiling as much with you or rescheduling your hang out session to go out on a date just to see your reaction. Did you truly mean it when you said he was allowed to be selfish? He was fully expecting you to hate him but seeing just how unbothered you were made him go...oh!

I think this shifts his obsession with you. He's still very much yandere but i think he's much more child-like ? I mean Dick still is obsessed with you and all that jazz but before, he wanted to be the best older brother/father figure. His happiness was dependent on how much you needed and revered him. But now you're becoming his safety blanket for when he's stressed, tired or upset. WIth you he can just lay on your shoulders without speaking and you won't even mind. He can be kind of assholey or dark and you will understand he's just in a mood and what he says never leaves the two of you. You won't take away your compassion or love based on how he acts...the first non-transactional relationship he's ever truly and it's pretty great. He finally feels like a brother and not like he's playing house anymore.

Don't get me wrong, he's still your older brother who gets on your nerves but there's just this mutual appreciation there that lacks with the others.It's clear to the others that he loves you just a bit more than the rest. When it's movie/game nights, he will allow you to sit it out or not tag along to restaurants. He's very protective and defensive over you. He doesn't feel as much of a need to do all that stupid crap with you because if he wanted your time, he could have a peaceful moment on the rooftops with you instead.

Jason

Hmm..i think Jason will just always feel a bit outcasted. There are plenty of people who do care about Jason in the comics but it's hard to relate to someone who's been through what he's been. It's just so unique to him. He knows you don't truly understand what it's like to have spirits of the Lazarus haunting you in your sleep. He knows that you cannot feel the pain of being replaced by someone you're now forced to see as a brother.

When i wrote my last piece a few people took it as me saying the reader found Jason to be odd. Really what it was is that Jason put those thoughts into his own head because he internalized the joke because of his own insecurities. The reader was perfectly fine with Jason being a little off...it made sense as he would've just come back from being dead and is trying to find a bit of normalcy.

It's funny though because while he's trying to be "independent" it's painfully clear he's still very much attached to you and is still unknowingly mimicking you.

I think though if reader sat down with Jason and explained he doesn't need to change or be "normal" because you love him the way he is, maybe he will relax a bit. But i think there would always be voices in Jason's ears telling him he needs to be perfect. My version of jason is around 20-ish year old who is a bit emotionally stunted and disoriented because he's just coming out of the pit. After a few years of being integrated back into the family he'll understand that you actually do love him as a brother and he serves a great purpose even if that purpose doesn't look the same as Dick's.

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

I admire your patience with those readers who need you to spoon feed them the story. Everything is in the comics but they still manage to go pass it. I can't help but feel a bit sad for them? Do they not understand what they read? Are they not attentive when reading it? I'm legitimately concerned because I function so differently I can't fathom this. If you like a story, isn't it normal to make your best to grasp it's essence and reflect on it? I know I project a lot about this, everyone works and registers things differentely of course but sometimes it's very frustrating to see people consume any media and just completely miss all the important messages in it, or even just fail to get the scenario sometimes, and it feels like it's very common now... Idk I just wanted maybe to have your perspective on this? Sorry for the long post (Been here for a few years now and your a true inspiration to me. All my luv to you! ❤️)

You know, I'm gonna be honest. I used to stress out about this... a LOT.

As a story-brained person, this is definitely something that comes naturally to me, and perhaps to you, and to many other people who are wired similarly. To us, following the path of a story in an analytic, highly detail-motivated manner and unwrapping the themes can be as exciting as lifting up a rock to see the bugs underneath. It's an exciting mental activity that's stimulating and feels effortless.

And yes, as an author who spends literally 60% of my day thinking about this comic and how to draw it, panel it, script it, make it better (I script and panel in my head constantly)........ I have trouble realizing/dealing with the fact that some people are just here to CASUALLY enjoy the story that I am lowkey obsessed with.

But I've come to realize that... that's NORMAL! And healthy.

People have different attention spans for different things.

People have varied ways to read a story and engage with it.

People have unique interests.

People don't have the same amounts of energy to devote to reading!

Maybe someone missed a detail I lovingly and painstakingly put into the dialogue because they're reading the update late at night after a long shift at work. And maybe someone scrolled past the dialogue completely and just got the gist from looking at the art, because they're in a hurry to get to practice at their favorite sportsball.

And maybe someone just had a really bad day with a really bad encounter, and they're reading the update in a terrible mood and instead of seeing MY grey-morality narrative, they're focusing on all the negative points and misread the vibes because of their own biases that stem from places of hurt.

The thing is, I have to be okay with that as an author, because I will NEVER be able to get into my audience's heads and read this comic 'correctly' for my own sake.

They will always have a slightly different interpretation of things, and they will always misunderstand details and miss clues. And sometimes, they will be wrong about the way they read a character's motivations... and sometimes maybe they won't be! That's just a part of communication. That's a part of telling a story.

An imperfect delivery, and an imperfect reception should, in my opinion, be a natural and accepted part of storytelling. We're human, and we all have a different lived experience, and we will ALL have different takes on a comic, even if it's so close that we THINK we are both getting the exact same thing. That small human interpretation variation is a home-made touch that makes it feel more organic.

In short.... Not all light particles make it here from the sun, but damn the result is stunning anyway.

[loveriotss]

Hi! I've been seeing your profile for a while now and I liked the idea of ​​requesting a headcanon about Shinsou's best friend with gn!reader, the reader is similar to Shinsou in terms of personality but a bit more sociable and sarcastic, maybe the reader is in class 1A? Thanks!

HIM AS YOUR BEST FRIEND ⸻ hitoshi shinso

INCLUDES — gn! class 1a! reader, platonic relationship, fluff, crack, headcannons WARNINGS — swearing

main masterlist — mha masterlist ༊*·˚

you and shinso have the type of friendship where y'all know way too much about each other so a friendship breakup is out of question because no way you're gonna let him walk out alive after all that he knows. (/j)(i think)

he is still very secretive.

trying to gain information from him is a whole ordeal and you feel like jumping up and down in happiness when he tells you something at his own will.

but he will tell you at the most out of pocket times and acts as if it's not a big deal.

"i've started training with your teacher now . . . might even join the hero course." "WHAT."

also a loner who is surprised.

honestly you gave up on trying to get him to socialize for a while but after the sports festival you didn't give him an option to say no when you dragged him to dorms for a joint movie night or a mall day with your classmates in an effort to push him to make some new friends.

fights with him annoy you the most because no matter how big or small the situation is he does not give a flying shit so it's like arguing with a ghost.

however if it's a serious situation, he will apologize if he is at fault.

but if you were ever to do something that is your fault trust he won't ever let you live it down.

"give me some." "nuh uh, these are my chips get your own." "remember when we were seven and you fractured my finger in that one playground-" "UGH LEAVE ME ALONE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND I SAID I WAS SORRY!" "you should give me a chip." "shut up big back." "remember when you pushed me off a bunk bed and i almost broke my back-" "JUST TAKE THE ENTIRE BAG AT THIS POINT."

if something is bothering him he won't tell it to you verbally but you'll know when he randomly calls you over to some secluded place to listen to his music tapes in silence.

now if you're wondering whether he'd tell you what was wrong is completely up to him and his mood (annoying little shit 💔).

he's not the biggest fan of your class at it shows 😓.

"what do you think of this outfit? it's our first time going to the movies as a class i don't wanna wear something goofy and stop giving me the side eye hitoshi." "how can you willingly hang out with them? they're so odd." "oh i'm so sorry your highness i should have taken your advice and stayed at home playing that game you're obsessed with." "IT'S A GOOD GAME." "mhm sure, a good game indeed so good that you almost broke your phone while playing it." "the dress to impress voting is rigged." "you're just ass at it." "you look like an ass."

yeah that's not gonna stop any time soon because of how determined the two of you are to get the last word in.

NOTE — last request done gangalang!!!! i'm not gonna open up my reqs just yet because i'm starting exams soon and i don't want anyone waiting really long for their reqs to be completed because of how busy i'll be 😓😓. will probs open it around beginning of next month?? idk i'll see.

©loveriotss — all rights reserved to me. please don’t try to copy/steal my work. please do not use any of my ideas/translate my work without my permission.

[maythearo]

I kinda accidentally been away :(

When I take a hiatus you'll see I don't announce it beforehand because it usually just happens instead of being a planned thing, so I apologize if I made people worry about me (again) but I'm doing fine! A plethora of things happened in the time being, and I feel like it's relevant to mention them here for some clarity. (I didn't intend to make this post so long, I'll crop here so it's easier to navigate)

First I feel like I have been falling out of love with art as a whole. My interest in a lot of stuff has been fading away, I haven't been keeping up with twst for one, and since a lot of my inspiration comes from the stuff I'm hyperfixating on I barely have been creating anything. My uni assigments so far were uninspired at best lol it sucks my mood relies so much on art and vice versa. The only times I feel actual joy is when I'm hanging out with my friends every now and then, I'm mostly alone through the rest of the week.

And it's with this habit of going out that I fluctuated towards using less social media. I don't think I ever liked having a presence online, and that's something I've been doing since highschool for no reason that matters to me anymore. Just quitting isn't something I can do because first, I think it's important getting my news from it; and second, I still want to do commissions, and I'm aiming to turn my socials into something more professional in the near future, rather than the life diary that I had a tendency of building them as. Of course there's nothing wrong with making socials a personal thing, it's just not my style, and with my anxiety of being perceived I realized I can only handle so much of it lol

I also had some personal losses, and it feels like a lot of people around me were having a hard time with theirs coincidentally, so that made me kinda sad too. I won't specify much but I think that's worth mentioning.

The tldr is that I'm lost, I don't know how I got here, and I feel like it only gets worse the longer I stand around doing nothing but I prefer to think that sometimes things get worse before they get better, I know they will get better.

I'm writing all of this from the perspective of how I feel at the moment, the conclusions I'm taking with this kinda depressive state of mind, so I imagine things can still change once I begin to feel brighter again, who knows.

Thank you for everyone who left kind messages on my askbox after all this time, idk if I can reply to all individually but I did read them and I appreciate them very much! I hope everyone is doing well too and staying safe.

And on a side note I'm sorry to the people who asked other things related to my art/blog way before I took this break, I wanted to answer them in a fun way but they've gathered too much dust by now and my inspiration is long gone. I think I'll be cleaning up my askbox since the longer I leave it unnatended the more overwhelmed it makes me feel 😥 I messed it up this time I admit, I apologize again to everyone I kept waiting.

I have a few old drawings I haven't shared here yet, maybe I'll post them if I manage to remember it :)

[olderthannetfic]

Seems like there are a lot of people who write here I wanna ask what do you do if you're under a writer's block?

I've been writing consistently for over a year, published around 400k words on ao3 and after a few unpleasant events that happened to me in my previous fandom around June I can't bring myself to write anymore.

Without going into details it didn't have to do with my writing just regular fandom drama in a discord server, friendship coming to an end, etc, etc. Not that I was bullied for my writing or anything.

Idk if it's that bad experience or what but since then every time I try to write I feel like I'm writing some cringe. I go back and reread what I published and its obvious that its not as cringy as I think it is but with my new writing every line feels so incredibly wrong.

I tried editing my previous work to get into the mood. Didn't work.

I tried doing the camp nano thing, didn't even make one inch of the progress.

I tried not writing and letting it go also didn't work since I found a new fandom and I'm genuinely excited about it and I want to write for it and have like dozen of ideas.

I tried doing that Artists Way, didn't work on me.

I sort of don't know what else to do. Any tips?

--

I think you have to let go of the first draft being good just to let yourself get some words down.

But also... that's a lot of writing. Maybe you're a bit burnt out too? Even if you're excited about ideas, maybe you do need to do some self care after the emotional turmoil?

[py-dreamer]

Ooop- so it's almost mid september...

Y'know what that means?

Yea so we have a return of the stickers!!!

Well less stickers and kinda whatever this is Ig

Don't get me wrong I'm still super proud of it! I suppose it was meant to be like stickers from last year but it kinda escalated and sort off got a wee bit out of hand...

...just a tad bit...

Woooh! So anyone who's in the KNY hotpot might recognize this style and yes I did basically use the KNY birthday art format but COME ON!!!

IT'S SO CUTE!!!

LOOK AT MAH BOIII SITTING ON THAT CAKE!!!

I JUST WANNA NOM BIG BITE!!!

(If you can't tell I do really like this cake art)

I promise this time it is really 10 days till my actual birthday unlike the whoopsie 11 I did last year -_-'

And I know it's not Mk's birthday even though it looks like it is, I know. But it's the bloody format of the art and Idk how else to change it. Besides I think they slay in those birthday outfits.

And it was fun to do my sticker style in a bigger thing!

But Idk if it's cause I haven't touched my bloody stylus in ages or I've been swimming in the KNY hotpot for too long BUT WHY WAS MK'S FACE SO HARD TO DRAW FROM THE FRONT VIEW!!!

I HAD TO COMPROMISE, MANS LOOKING TOWARDS THE SIDE!!!! LIKE XIAOTIAN I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO SQUEEZE THEM CUTE LIL CHEEKS OF YOURS BUT WHY ARE YOU SO HARD TO DRAW FROM THE FRONT!??!?

HE LOOKED LIKE A BLOODY CAT WITH SLIT EYES Y'ALL!!!

Oml...regardless, I did have a lot of fun with this and had lots of fun with the decorations and such. If you were here last year, your keen memory and astute eye might notice that the cake is the same cake I used in the 'shenanigans in space' birthday stickers I did last year!

@leesbian42, @cats-and-confusion remember that lol?

So the tiny memory flower thing and star candies are an homage to that :)

(btw, pssttt @emerialyncodevenice I know we haven't talked in a while but you mentioned that you liked the bloomin cake and was thinking of using it. Feel free to use this if you like, Idk how just credit me m'kay?)

But anyways, if y'all wanna use this pic, again. Pls credit me.

AND NO REPOSTING PLEASE!!!

The decorations are meant to be sugar cookies and idk what the icing is. Since I'm thinking more of an east asian fruit cake (those really really soft fluffy spongy ones) I was thinking more like light yellow dyed whipping cream and less buttercream.

Maybe even some kinda custard Idk...(does custard go well with cake?)

The orange chunks are meant to be like mango balls or chunks and hopefully the red thingys in the middle read across as strawberries

I had to include the Monkey king plush, he's just so little!

I was tempted to draw in the other characters as plushies since they are as important to MK probably but it's getting late and I'd already been working on this baby for like 3 hours already.

All in all, I do really like this and ngl, pray this doesn't flop.

I know my single stickers don't always do well but pls y'all I like this very much...

It is nice to compare this year's work and last year and I am proud to say I have improved at least somewhat

And as for why I rarely post, well I've gotten back from my holiday but sadly I'm at that age where work and stuff will be my main focus for the time being.

Got a lot of assignments and tests y'know...

(hell I have one due the 17th and tests to do tomorrow and here I am faffing on about legos on tumblr)

And like I said, I have been blipping and dabbing in demon slayer, read a lot more KNY fics lately (I actually have a mini sketch of kamaboko squad as hashiras, heavily inspired off of other designs but even so-, if I'm in the mood I might post that!)

But enough yapping, I'll try my best to keep up this 10 days thing

(if you don't know up till my birthday for 10 days I try to post a sticker or thingy like this one)

no promises since I am busier this year but this was a lot of fun so you'll definitely see some stuff.

(I just realized I have to keep up this level of detail in my other stuff T^T save meeeeeee plsssss)

[celaenaeiln]

Okay, so I've been scouring your blog these past few days, and ughh, it feels so good to find someone who actually seems to understand who Dick is! His eldest daughter complex is something I relate to so much, and was the thing that really drew me in. A lot of people look at the mediation and emotional weight lifting, (and those are huge parts of it, don't get me wrong,) but something else I find very eldest child is the way his own relationship with Bruce has continued to take hits all so Bruce can have better relationships with the others. Like when you're the oldest your parents make so many more mistakes with you. I also can't help but feel like it's got to be so hard as Dick to look at the way Bruce is with Tim/Dami/Cass, and wish that he could have that kind of relationship with his Dad. They want to be jealous of the trust, think he's the golden child, and yet at the same time, he's wishing he had something more resembling the true parent/child relationship the others got. (Idk maybe I'm projecting, but oh lord I go absolutely feral for eldest daughter Dick, it just hurts so good)

og post in reference

Yes! I'm so glad you brought that up!!

In terms of parenting, and why I don't really write about Bruce being a parent to Dick, is because Dick is kinda a guinea pig, as my engineering teacher put it once.

He was the Bruce's first for everything. First friend, first partner, first son - he just took responsibility for all roles. It makes things even worse because Bruce at the time he took in Dick, he had only been Batman for three years. Three. And he was literally drowning under the weight of the mask until he found Dick. There's a reason why Dick is Bruce's is right hand man and that's because Dick's been with him through everything. When Bruce was struggling and almost giving into his obsession, Dick was there to pull him out of it.

He quite literally mothered Bruce through his feelings, asking if everything was okay, what's wrong, watching him constantly and guaging his mood. This is exhausting work because Dick's mind was always on Bruce's mental state, much like a mother worried constantly about her teenage daughter or a father about his son.

That adoption scene where Dick asks Bruce, "why didn't you adopt me?" That's the realization of eldest daughter syndrome brought up.

Up until then, Dick was completely fine with being the caretaker for Bruce and lifting him up. He parented Bruce for so long and so smoothly, neither fully realized how much Dick was doing for him until he left. When Bruce adopts Jason, that's when Dick realizes there's something wrong with their dynamic.

I don't know if at that time Dick really wanted to be adopted or if he felt neglected because that he's wasn't while another was. But one thing he feels isn't jealousy, he's very clear on that, but Dick feels hurt.

Was there something he did wrong that caused Bruce to do that? What he do differently? What could he have done better? These types of questions constantly cloud his brain because he's gotten so used to taken care of his guardian for two decades now that he must feel hurt on some level even if he never expresses. He wouldn't begrudge his siblings because he feels happy Bruce isn't making the same mistakes to them that he did with Dick but at the same time, it's just exhausting for him.

Bruce might have improved but he isn't the best, so now he's busy taking care of both his brothers and sisters and his father. He also has to take care of his friends too.

He has the weight of the world on his shoulders but the worst part for him isn't the actual the weight - it's the realization that he's holding the weight. Because before he could live on in ignorance and bliss that Bruce was always going to be this way, and taking care of him would naturally just be Dick's job. He's so used to it, he's been doing it since he was eight.

But now, he knows what he's doing, he knows he's not supposed to, but he must. Because they rely on him, but also because that's what Bruce made him into. And I think that hurts the most for him.

He'll feel conflicted about it because on one hand, he loves Bruce. He loves him so much, he'll do anything for him. But also what about all those missed opportunities? Could he have been something different? Maybe he could've hung out with the Titans more if he didn't have to deal with bruce constantly demanding his presence. Maybe he could've joined a new class he never thought he would try.

Dick doesn't regret what he did and if he could go back in time, he would do it all over again but...he probably feels melancholic again. To love a parent so much you sacrifice your happiness over and over again so they can be happy while you're forced to grow up early. Dick's personality itself just lends itself to helping others but constantly taking care of your parent?

He's happy but he feels helpless and sad so he stays silent about it all.

It's said that Eldest Daughter Syndrome can make women feel overburdened, stressed out, and constantly responsible for others.

More signs include having a strong sense of responsibility (leading the batfam and hero teams), feeling a need for control (him fighting for his independence against Bruce and fighting to take care of his own teams), carrying the heavy weight of parents' expectations (his entire monologue in Nightwing 1996 about his feelings towards Bruce), perfectionism (Roy grouching about Dick's perfectionist tendencies to Kori in Outsiders and Roy yelling at Batman for it in Batman Plus), struggling with same-age relationships (dating older), and feeling resentment towards family (his outsiders era was him just resenting Bruce in the beginning).

He's been parenting Bruce for so long he was forced to grow up prematurely. I mentioned in my compartmentalization post when Dick's parents have literally just died. And he's forcing himself to act happy because he doesn't want Bruce to feel guilty and upset about not catching their murderer yet. That's not a responsibility a child should have - pretending everything is fine so as not to worry their family. That's the role of a parent. He's taking parenting his own parent because his actual one is incapable of doing so.

But Bruce's greatest fear is that by taking in Dick, he deprived Dick of opportunities to shine. To live in the limelight. And Dick knows everything about Bruce, so he knows Bruce's worst fears. And for this reason, out of the love that he has in his heart, Dick will never tell Bruce if he's hurt him because this is directly connected to his worst fear.

And that hurts. Because vocally releasing anger and sorrow is cathartic but to have it build up silently inside and letting it sink beneath the waves each time is painful.

[i-write-sometimes-maybe]

My favorite- Lady Lesso X TeacherReader!

Synopsis: Lesso vowed to never let their words effect her, but what happens when they do?

Warnings: Kinda OOC Lesso, she's sensitive and emotional and soft as hell. Lmk if I missed anything.

Word Count: 1.9k

A/n: I've been in an angsty writing mood lately. Could be gn reader? I have a smutshot coming soon but idk when. Reblogs, likes, and comments are all welcomed!

© This is my work, you have no right to repost my work for any reason without my explicit permission, all rights reserved.

☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎

Many thoughts and feelings were swirling within the Dean, and she tried her damndest to ignore them. She tried ignoring the sorrow and detest for everything she heard about herself.

'Everyone is right about her...'

'I don't see how anyone could like her...'

'Evil isn't enough to describe her, maybe... monstrous...'

'She's really pretty, such a shame that won't hide her hideous personality...'

'It's not an insult if it's describing her...'

Each 'whisper' would be accompanied by an elbow nudge from one friend to another, partnered with blatantly obvious side-eyed looks.

These were things she's overheard, and that was just today. The worst part of them was that some of them had even come from her own Nevers, the very ones that she'd do anything for. The Evers? Well, these things are practically expected from them. And Lesso would vehemently deny it but these painful, venomous words were getting to her. More than she knew.

She knew she was evil, of course she did. She was proud of it.

But why does no one else seem to understand that it's not who she is, it's what she does. That evil isn't born, it's made. That she does have a heart. And just because she doesn't show it when she teaches doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

For some reason, the bitter words became more and more common as the years came and went. They're just getting softer, Lesso tried justifying the words of the insipid little creatures, that they were simply sheltered and couldn't handle her nefariousness.

And while that was partly true, Lesso couldn't help but think maybe they were right.

Maybe she was just a vile and heartless being with no regard for anyone but herself.

Well, that was the picture she thought she liked to paint.

She also thought she was doing a good job at handling their words, not letting them penetrate deep into her.

But she was wrong if the way she was currently pacing and ranting in your office was anything to go by.

"They speak as if I've done something to them personally, I can if they want me to!" She didn't spare you a single glance as she turned on her heel and began walking the same path she had been on for the last 10 minutes.

You knew she just needed to let off steam, to get things off her chest, but it didn't hurt you any less. Seeing her talk about herself like this, even if she didn't realize she was doing it.

"Them and their, their opinions... This just proves that everyone is unimportant and they don't matter. The only thing that matters is me and being evil." Wait, you don't matter?

Did she even know you were in the room? Of course, she had to... She was in your office. You knew you shouldn't take anything she's saying right now too hard, doesn't mean you won't.

You never took your eyes off of her, "I-" You just stopped talking because you kind of didn't want to hear the answer, and also because she may not even know what she was saying.

"I'm just a vile, no-life monster... I'm nobody's favorite person,"

"You're mine." You interrupted her rant, teary-eyed. Your Leo, talking horribly about herself and then saying that? No, you won't let her do that to herself.

She stops pacing and looks at you.

"What?"

Only then did she see your tear-filled eyes watching her every move, the utterly broken look on your face. And that was the moment that she processed what she was saying.

"I said," Your voice came out all squeaky, but you didn't mean your words any less because of it. "You're mine. You're my favorite person. And I don't know where you get off thinking that you're alone in this forsaken world because you're not."

She sighed, straightening her back slightly, "If everyone is only going to see me as evil and ruthless, then there's no point in trying to be anything else-"

You abruptly stood up from your spot leaning against your desk, "No! I don't know where you got these ideas that you're this horrible, low-life being that deserves a life of pain and misery because you don't."

You started walking towards her, and the tears began welling up in her eyes as she saw the tears falling down your face.

"But-"

"No. You deserve better than that. You deserve all the amazing things you have in your life."

"Everyone seems to think otherwise."

"Well, I'm not everyone. I'm yours. And I'm telling you the truth, I'm telling you what truly matters."

She searched between your eyes and you reached up and cupped her face with your hands.

"Leo, my amazing girl. I don't know where you've heard these lies but I'll make it my personal mission to eliminate every single one of them from your beautiful mind."

You saw her bottom lip quiver, she was fighting off more emotions, you took this as your cue.

You placed a kiss on her forehead, "You are an amazing, intelligent woman." You planted another kiss on her nose.

"You are more than enough," A kiss to her cheek. "You're immensely breathtaking and beautiful," A kiss to her other cheek.

You saw the corner of her lips upturn into a faint smile and you knew that she at least wanted to believe you.

"You are incredibly charismatic," Yet another kiss placed on her chin, "You're loving, affectionate, magnificent, funny, genuinely you, and most importantly. You're mine." You finished off with a kiss on her lips.

She instantly melted into the feeling of you, enjoying your warmth against her, and she wrapped her arms around your waist to pull you closer to her. She was certainly not letting you go.

Your lips moved together harmoniously until neither of you could resist the urge for oxygen anymore.

You rested your forehead against hers, "I don't like when you talk about yourself like that. And I know that it won't be easy to banish these thoughts of yours, but I won't let you do it alone."

"I don't know what to say, I can't thank you enough."

"You don't have to say anything."

"But, I do. You're too kind to me,"

"If you're about to say that you don't deserve it, you can save it. Because you do deserve everything I can give you and more. You're the most incredible person I've met and you don't deserve these things being said about you, let alone having them as your own thoughts."

"It's just, hard you know?" You listened attentively, "At first it was easy, to ignore all the whispers. But it just gets to a point where you can't ignore them anymore and you start believing them." Her eyebrows furrowed.

"It's perfectly human for things to get to you. To feel all these things, even if you don't want to. And that is what makes you human, my love. To be able to feel things so deeply, to resent the things being said and the emotions they evoke. And the most important thing, never let anyone tell you what to feel or when to feel it." She moved her head to nuzzle her face in the crook of your neck.

You felt her breath on your skin, involuntary chills erupting during it, "Thank you, Mon Amour." She placed a soft kiss on the skin just below her lips.

"Any and every time, Mon cœur."

You didn't let go of her, knowing that she needed this. And when she held onto you tighter, you held onto her tighter. You brought a hand up to her head, lightly scratching her scalp for a moment.

You weren't sure how long you were standing there, just in the center of your office, but you didn't care because it was just you and Leo. Nothing else mattered at this moment.

"What do you say," She pulled her head back to face you, still tightly embracing you, "We go back to my quarters, share a nice hot shower, and I can read to you for a little bit, hmm?" You asked as you began toying with the baby hairs on the back of her neck

The sweetest smile came to her face, "Can we cuddle too?"

You absolutely adored it when she was needy like this, it didn't happen often so you silently savored it.

"Can we cuddle? Of course, we can cuddle! Leo, dear, if I ever say no to that, curse me." A light chuckle came from her.

She playfully rolled her eyes, "I won't curse you, but I certainly won't let you off the hook if you do."

"Come on, let's go, Mon Cœur." You grabbed her hand and led her back to your quarters.

She never left your side for longer than a moment, but you knew it was all a part of what she needed to take her mind off those cruel thoughts.

She wanted to be as close as possible to you, being on you wasn't even close enough. She wanted to be a part of you, to feel you, all of it, all of you.

She insisted that she be the one to undress you for the shower, just as you insisted on undressing her. Though, that was more for pleasure for you both than comfort.

You kept things tame, too afraid to take advantage of her emotional vulnerability. You and Lesso have been together for over a year now, and she knew that you were like that. And at first, she couldn't understand it. But within a few months, she's learned to appreciate it and you.

She may not agree with you, but to you? She is a goddamn queen. She deserves to be spoiled and cherished and worshiped, and you did your best to do exactly that. And Lesso adored it.

And your Leo treated you no less than you treated her.

Once the shower was done and you both were feeling significantly refreshed, and you could clearly see that Leo had become significantly more relaxed, you came out to your bed.

You laid down first with Leo laying directly on top of you. You laughed to yourself as you struggled to reach for your book with the way she was on you.

"Are you okay with me reading where I left off or would you like me to restart?" You said, opening your book to the front cover and waiting for her response.

"You can start where you left off, I just want to hear your voice." She nuzzled herself into your chest.

You just smiled and opened to your bookmark, continuing where you left off last night.

As you were reading the words aloud, you had one hand in Lesso's hair, gently grazing your nails on her scalp. A soft, low hum escaped her lips.

You knew that in no time at all, she'd be fast asleep, but you didn't mind, you loved seeing her so relaxed and it brought you your own comfort knowing it was because of you. And she didn't mind either, whenever she fell asleep on you it was always the best sleep she's ever had.

Once you noticed she had fallen asleep, you continued to read to yourself for a bit. Just long enough for you to get tired yourself.

And once you were, you put your book back in its place on your nightstand and maneuvered to be laying flush in the bed with Leo in your arms.

When she didn't wake, you knew it was a success. And for a minute, you just laid there, holding her tightly in your arms.

"For you, I'd do anything." You whispered into her fiery hair.

Your hold on her didn't lessen for one moment. You loved having her this close to you. And her rhythmic heartbeat and soft breaths are what lulled you to sleep yourself.

🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮

Taglist: @v3nusxsky @pebbleswritessometimes

[demonicallyslaying]

So uh... I've got a gf now and idk how to feel... I mean obviously I'm happy don't get me wrong, she's a nice and pretty girl and I think any kind of relationship would work with her, but other than that I'm just confused and anxious and excited bc I've never been in a real romantic relationship before!! If you know me well enough you know I'm cupioromantic, but now that I've gotten here, well... idfk I just needed to tell y'all and maybe ask for advice on how to do this kind of shit (and ik I identify as gay but really I'm biromantic I just identify as gay bc I have a preference for men)

@crackheadcalledc @yourlocalxiaosimp @breezycatuwu @in-a-mello-mood

[n0t-vzin1s]

bf!chuuya headcannons

gn!reader x chuuya

a/n: i'm so surprised at how much attention dazais hc post got so here's chuuya

---------------------------------------

small nsfw warning?? only mentions sex

where do i even begin with him

he's probably never been in a relationship before, and if he has it was only for sex

so when you (undoubtedly) ask him out he's a little hesitant

and by that i mean

he probably outright avoided you for two weeks straight until you surprised him in his office

and even then he puts his career in first place

"i'm an executive, you'll be targeted"

ok and

what if we can defend ourself?

what then chuuya

he's super sweet, i can assure you that much

gets into arguments with you about the most stupidest shit

you or him are probably super petty and will just ignore eachother until the other admits they were wrong.

hint: it'll probably be you

chuuyas got a short fuse so if he has to admit he's wrong you've got a one way ticket to hell

like dazai, he teaches you self defence

and then gets his ass beat by you

idk he probably sleeps with a stuffed animal in his bed that dazai gave him when they were teenagers

just outright refuses to get rid of it

dresses fancy. no matter the occasion. which means you have to match him. sorry.

probably plays an instrument or something

i'm imagining guitar or violin idk

his room has a lot of photographs from his younger years

(they're all him and dazai)

when you question him about them, he clams up and stays quiet

family man

he never really.. had one, growing up

so if he has any friends with kids he's already offered to baby sit

surprisingly gentle with kids

he's rich so he probably will buy you anything you so much as LOOK at once.

what's that? you glanced at this plant in a store?

he's already at the register paying for it.

romantic dates!!

walking through the park with your hands intertwined was probably his favourite

or the time he took you to a pond and went swimming with you at three in the morning, proceeded by watching the sun rise

little spoon

there is no way in hell this man is a big spoon

likes painting with you

but he sucks at painting so you'll draw something magnificent and he's got a circle

surprisingly

he has to take a lot of vitamins due to deficiencies

lets you wear his hat often

everyone used to warn you to never touch his hat but now he just straight up sets it on your head

lots n lots n lots of playing games with him

or playing with his hair while he rages in a cod lobby

when the lobby hears you talking to him and him talking back they make fun of him for being a softy

they are found dead later.

LOVES when you braid his hair

will never admit it though

watches your favourite shows and movies with you

instead of buying you flowers on your first date, he brought you a lego BOUQUET of flowers. that way they'd never die and you'd have the memory forever

has yoh paint his nails for him since he's too shaky to do it himself

cuts his own hair and offers to cut yours

---------------------------------------

it kinda just occurred to me how much i have going on in my life

1. coding a story

2. publishing on wattpad (@/talesbyraven)

3. editing on tiktok (@/sirjuuzou)

like it doesn't seem like MUCH but it's a lot considering how much time it takes up.

i coded today for maybe 5hrs and got 160 lines done, which a CHAPTER has around 2000-8000 per chapter. 🤷‍♀️

publishing depends on my mood, although it has been messed up for the last month but i used to publish once everyday, but since it's changed i've been stressed out.

editing can be time consuming, and depending on if it's a transition edit or just shakes and whatnot it can take between 15 minutes to an hour and a half, and it's hard finding the motivation lol.

[orange-orchard-system]

I've made a simpler, more popular post about this before, but I feel like a lot of the time, people who "never saw any signs" of their friend/family member/co-worker/etc being a system did see signs, they just mistook them as something else – usually, as something being wrong. Because for the majority of singlets, someone's personality changing is often associated with that person going through tough times, or something major happening in their life, or just them being under stress of some sort, so they ask if that person is okay. But for systems (for whom personality changes are normal), this question can come off as odd or as coming out of the blue, since there's nothing wrong or major going on in their life. Sometimes, it can even come across as rude, like an insult to one's personality and self being "wrong" just because it's different.

This is part of why I think discussions and ideas about the "covertness" and "overtness" of systems are often flawed, especially on the medical side of things; most systems are considered covert, but it's also very common for systems to have experiences (even before awareness of their system) like what I described above, where they're not being "covert" at all – those involved just didn't know what they were looking at. I'd even say this especially goes for when it's the system's own awareness of their plurality, as systems often have and notice many signs prior to their "official discovery" of their own system – such as voice hearing (internal communication, in system terms), feeling as though they are talking to someone else when supposedly thinking or talking to only themself, and even tracking their own "mood changes" or "phases" (headmates and switching) – they just cannot put the right name to it due to lack of awareness of plurality, not a lack of self-awareness (as one might think when they hear most systems are covert). When a lot of the "covertness" of a system can easily come from unaware and uneducated (as in, with little to no knowledge of systems, as most are) people simply misinterpreting overt symptoms, the dichotomy of covert and overt requires reexamination.

Or at least, that's the conclusion I draw. Idk. Maybe I've been misinterpreting what covert/overt mean for this one, but I still think neuronormativity plays a part in how "noticeable" a system is considered, which does make talking about it with simple terms like these a little complicated.

[studentbyday]

catharsis: nearing the end

counting down the weeks to freedom (🏫🙅🏻‍♀️) and in need of stress relief (💆🏻‍♀️🕊️🧘🏻‍♀️)...

1. october (tchaikovsky): maybe one day i will record this song bc it's one of my favorites. also really befitting my underlying mood in this latter half of the semester. under all the stress and frustration, i am just tired. i want to see the world. i want to feel the joy of living again. making my life revolve around the confines of school does not feel like living.

2. apparition de giselle (adolphe adam): the music at the part where she's spinning in circles in the "initiation" scene. that's what today feels like. a flurry of movement, a little desperate, and despite the energy, unfulfilled. even soulless. i'm tired, that's all. stupid insomnia - you know that feeling where you're physically tired and when you lie down on the bed it feels like such a relief, yet you can't fall asleep? i don't know why that happens. am i worried about something? possibly? maybe? but during the day, i don't think i feel super worried.

3. mazurka op. 68 no. 3 (chopin): the first piece by chopin i ever played. the way i heard it in my head and the way i played it didn't have as stately a character as this interpretation, but this was the recording i drew most of my inspiration from. i really miss playing piano and the youthful glow i had felt in that era. it feels like ages ago. and with every passing year, it seems i have more pressing priorities like learning how to be an adult, the desire to forge new relationships and tend to them, and establishing my career, so piano consistently falls to the wayside. i don't regret my career choice tho... gladly, after a long-drawn existential crisis in high school, trying to come to a career path that had the best chance of balancing my needs and wants with the world's, i'm still satisfied with my decision. i want to learn how to use my potential to be of service to others, including those beyond my inner circle. i also want to practice piano after my dreaded winter exams. i will make time for both. 4. rainy day coffee shop ambience with piano music and distant thunder: that satisfaction at having stumbled upon the truth, the solidness of it finding a home in my chest. ☺️ i finally figured out what's wrong mentally and now i have something to work with rather than just floundering, feeling "some type of way", unable to get out of it because i don't even know what "it" is. i'm 99% sure that's what's causing my insomnia. i feel so much more hopeful and peaceful now with my feelings validated and all. 🥺 (update: i had the best sleep i've had in ages ☺️)

5. i dreamed a dream (claude-michel schönberg): i seem to always cycle through the same songs like i'm constantly circling the same drain. do i really always cycle through the same set of feelings every couple of weeks? 🤷🏻‍♀️ i have dreams i don't know i can reach. some of them feel more like fantasies than dreams... in my mind, dreams are super ambitious goals i don't know if i can reach but that are in theory possible to reach (more variables are in my control and have a good chance of affecting the future in the way i want), while fantasies are dreams that are closer to impossible to achieve (fewer variables are in my control and may not have a good chance of affecting the future in the way i want). i don't know, maybe they just feel like fantasies for now, and really, it's not impossible. idk, i don't have a crystal ball...

6. the sound of silence: i literally mean the sound of silence tho, not the song 😂 so underrated when the mind has been a noisy mess. ... and then in random mindless moments, like in the shower or when clearing away the dishes, all the music comes rushing back, begging to be heard and felt and loved.

7. arabesque no. 1 (debussy): learned about CBT in psych so i'm trying out using the situation -> thoughts -> feelings -> behavior template in my journal so hopefully i can figure out why i do or don't do the things i do 😅 and then maybe branch into some small "behavioral experiments"...not really sure yet but hopefully it brings me some clarity!

[is-your-blorbo-neurodivergent]

does he have audhd, anxiety, and a mental illness?

submit your own characters here to be featured!

reasons under the cut - just a long infodump (no problem with that!)

reason: Autism:

- Strangely meticulous about rules while not understanding/valuing others

- Is literally an alien living among humans trying very badly to fit in and understand their customs -- very autistic feeling, even if he's evil about it.

- Sensory issues, specifically tactile and taste oriented ones. (Many autistic people feel for him in episodes where he struggles eating earth food and suffers physically for it)

- Low empathy

- Difficulty controlling his emotions

- Fixates easily (Usually on his mission or fighting Dib)

- Strange speech patterns, even for an alien. Other members of his species and other aliens we meet in the show do not talk like Zim, showing this is very much a him-thing, not an alien thing.

- Evil laughter? More like vocal stimming

ADHD:

- Frequently shown to dissociate/lose focus when he's in a situation he doesn't like or faced with knowledge he doesn't care about

- Very easily distracted

- Can hyperfocus on a task he values

- Makes meticulous ambitious plans with convoluted steps no neurotypical would bother with

- Bad at following structures and what's expected of him

- Shit memory but also brilliant and can recall hyperspecific things needed for his plans

- Mood swings

- Overlooks stuff that's obvious for most people

- Creative! :3

- Bad at structure and conforming to what he needs to be in most jobs

- Can be very energetic

- Every person with adhd I've met has loved the purple as a colour idk

MISC THINGS OF NOTE:

I do not feel I have the understanding to properly diagnose exactly, so please feel free to point me in the right direction of a diagnosis for... whatever these symptoms are. But I have to wonder about his dissociative moments, paranoia, self-obsession and his mood swings. There is a point in the show where the Tallest hang up on Zim and the dude literally just stands there COMPLETELY STILL for over an hour until he "wakes up" and the Computer tells him how long he'd been there. Zim wasn't aware at all how much time had passed or that they had hung up. Isn't that a bit concerning? It's the most extreme example, but it's not the only time he does it! Frequent dissociation is still SOMETHING, right? I don't which dissociation disorder this could point to specifically but still.

He constantly deludes himself into believing things that blatantly and explicitly aren't true and remembers things wrong to protect his own ego (tough to say whether this is done intentionally or subconsciously as a defensive move or something). He'll even misremember minor things as soon as they happen if he doesn't like them. Zim frequently holds his identity super high and uses his name like a great mantra to the point it's a bit concerning. Not sure what this is about. Might just be quirky but...

Many episodes take steps to showcase that Zim is practically ruled by fear and paranoia. Even in the first episode, he's so scared of potentially getting caught, he nearly triggers his self-destruct button so the humans do not capture him. Jhonen, Zim's creator, has said in interviews and the show bible that despite his zaniness and ego, Zim is actually a deeply miserable anxious character underneath, and that even when he wins, he goes right back to being miserable -- while fans typically (and very understandably) take what Jhonen says with a grain of salt, he's never wavered on this and it does make sense with the way the show works. It's possible this could be heavily masked depression/anxiety or maybe part of something else.

He also has a number of symptoms that line up suspiciously well with ptsd

( Being easily startled or frightened? Check.

Always being on guard for danger? Check. Self-destructive/reckless behavior? Check.

Trouble concentrating? Check.

Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior? Check.

Negative thoughts about oneself or the world? Check. He hates basically everything external to himself, except his robots, snacks, and leaders.

Exaggerated feelings of blame directed toward oneself or others?100% he blames external factors. But check.

Ongoing negative emotions, such as fear, anger, guilt, or shame? Check.

Difficulty feeling positive emotions, such as happiness or satisfaction? Check.

It's tough to say what these symptoms could all be in response to, but imo, I think being raised from birth to be a soldier for a genocidal space empire might be a bit more traumatic on its own than Zim and even other irkens are able to be aware of. We see Zim as a small child in a flashback and he's shown to be super loving/affectionate, which is a complete 180 to how he is in the show years later, before he's immediately sent off to "report for duty" (("duty" likely being military training)). This is 100% just headcanon and speculation tho so I don't feel right checking that box.)

ahh i wrote too much. anyway he's mentally ill your honor. idk what is going on up there exactly but it's NOT exclusively autism/adhd i know that much.