#maybe I’m just insane

[creatorping]

here’s a poll idk just a thought ʕ　•ᴥ•ʔ

[crimsonkenjii-writes]

Low quality Valentine special Giyuu you are so special to me 💙

[lewmagoo]

wake up besties, a new glass animals song just dropped and it is very rhett coded (to me)

particularly these lyrics:

“you held me like my mother made me just for you; held me so close that i broke in two.”

and like….the way this sweet cowboy would fall apart the first time you held him, because he’s so touch-starved and he’s never had anyone love him this much before. anyway, yes i will associate every piece of music i consume with rhett. what about it?

[killerwithknife]

I wish I had the chess grandmaster autism instead of the “unbeatable urge to make this face when you see something you’re interested in” autism

[stump-salsa]

Am I the only one who finds elemental element swaps really weird

[insane-hag]

Does anybody else get to a level of obsession with something that it makes you not be able to function or anything and you’re convinced that your life will be awful compared to said thing and nothing else will ever be good again and then you get over it after a month or something and then like a few weeks later the cycle continues or am i just insane

[yorktaylor]

i’ve always felt weirdly connected to britain despite having never been there. it’s like there’s something in my soul that still recognizes it as home

[feelingunfulfilled]

Today would have been the 19th birthday of my cousin. A few of my relatives are in Santa Cruz right now to celebrate it. This has became a tradition for the past two years, and I’ve been able to make it for the previous ones

I feel so anxious. Almost sick to my stomach. I choose to go back to school today instead of being at the celebration, because I know I’m falling behind in classes. If I took another day off I might as well drop out of school. Honestly, even in school, I have the urge to run away. I don’t want to be here. I worry I made the wrong choice. There’s too much happening right now and I don’t feel like I can be here mentally. I feel like a failure. And I feel overwhelmed again

Would I have really missed anything if I ditched school again? Sure, I’d have to make up even MORE work, but at some point the teachers would start to view my absence as a regular occurrence. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like I’m just existing through each day. Maybe I’d start to live a little more. Although I know it’s unfair to blame all of this on school. It was my own decision after all. And school is mandatory even if I’ve grown to dislike it. It’s probably just my desire to be alone right now. So I can have time to process everything instead of being tossed into work and expected to function properly. I CAN’T function properly right now. My cat died yesterday. My cousins would-be birthday is today. I think it’s more than understandable that I don’t feel like doing anything right now

And yet I still feel like I’m a let down somehow. That I’m doing everything wrong in life. I choose the wrong option and I can’t turn back now. Or even worse, I did choose the right option (by going to school) and yet STILL failed due to my lack of attentiveness. There’s no winning. And I hate how I can’t seem to get any closure on this. Everything is so directionless with no way to tell if I’m doing the right things or if I’m still a good person when I’m becoming a terrible student. If I’m still a good cousin when I didn’t even attend her would-be birthday celebration or attempt to resolve my grief….

I don’t like overthinking this. Or making it seem like I’m making a bigger deal out of it then it is. I’m not trying to be petty and make it all about me. And I know none of this could be helped. But I also don’t want to undermine my feelings right now. I’m trying SO HARD not to guilt trip myself, because the last thing I need right now is to feel like shit. I find I often downplay how much grief I’ve gone through, and continue to go through. I don’t want to sugar coat anything anymore. I’m tired of acting like things are fine. I’m not okay

That’s the thing though, the nagging feeling I have in my stomach, being at school makes me feel like I have to pretend. Like I have to fake emotions for the benefit of others, and hide any traces of having a terrible day. Because teachers don’t have time for your crying. Friends came to have a good time. There’s little to no room for you to grieve without getting emotional whiplash. It sucks. I’m trying to be more open about this. I really am. But this school environment has me second guessing if I’m ALLOWED to grieve. If I’m ABLE to express how terrible things are right now when all school cares about is grades. I know my teachers genuinely care about me, so do my friends. But talking about such heavy stuff in THIS environment is like hell. I just can’t right now

[spoonsisland]

MePhone 4 after learning about nonbinary people midway through season 2: OHHHH so THAT’S the word i was looking for [updates Paintbrush’s toyhouse page]

[moonkhao]

WE ARE | EP16

[mint-mumbles]

Just played Homicipher for the first time today (really good game btw, can’t wait for the full release) and when the player hides from Mr. Crawling without a weapon he goes to comfort them.

I was able to translate what he said after he pats the player character’s head after he startles them:

“There, there. Worry gone.”

Bro. I love him so much 🥹

[lewmagoo]

is it just me or do the rest of y’all go on sprees of consuming disturbing content when you’re feeling depressed or pmsing? not sure why i do this to myself but i go down rabbit trails of youtube videos talking about fucked up events or disturbing horror movies and then i’m full of regret bc i feel even more depressed than before, with a twinge of paranoia sprinkled in lol

[dear-ao3]

did fall out boy really make an updated version of we didn’t start the fire that just didn’t include covid?

[puppyboyfranco]

me: I don’t like to speculate abt the drivers sexuality, it’s nothing to do with me

also me: the bisexual vibes from max are STAGGERING

[myokk]

Hi! I'm still feral for these two, would you mind giving us some art of them in their later years together!?

Hello angel!!!!

Sorry it’s taken so long to respond🫶🫶 but I wanted to draw some new art for this ask💓

We have: Sebastian and Eloise trying out their new fancy camera with a selfie, pictures of them with their daughter, and finally…idk I just always felt like this drawing is when they’re a bit older💓

I want to take this ask as an opportunity as well to talk a little about how I imagine their future (I have no chill & you can ignore this and just enjoy the art if you want😇).

I am a COMPLETE pantser - I never know how a chapter’s going to end when I start writing it (I always just have a few scenes I know I need to include to keep the plot moving forward). Although I have different *big* scenes I’m always writing towards, and themes/plot elements I’m always foreshadowing (shout out to @elliecutte for catching *almost* all of my hints and appreciating my general no chill😆), IM STILL NOT 100% SURE HOW I WILL END THINGS !!! 😳 I have a lot of endings I see as possible, and I think soon it will become more clear to me what will work the best💓

HAPPY ENDING:

Eloise and Sebastian become Unspeakables. I have a LOT of thoughts on this profession that could be its OWN post, and I feel like Unspeakables are generally specialized in one or two departments, but as their interests/research change they also change.

Eloise becomes an Unspeakable in the Mind and Death departments, with the occasional foray into Time. Her ancient magic is connected with all of these things (my version of AM is NOT like the game) & the Department of Mysteries is one of the only places that gives her any useful information about these things. Plus she thinks too much (it IS her hobby after all😆💓) and is very introverted so a hermit job like this is a perfect fit.

Sebastian becomes an Unspeakable as well, but I feel like it takes him a long time to specialize in anything, if he ever does. I just feel like becoming an Unspeakable is the adult equivalent of sneaking into the Restricted Section🥹🫶

They grow old together (I won’t explain TOO much) & have a lovely little family🥹 at least one daughter that they both dote on. Sebastian had an amazing childhood (idyllic until it wasn’t), and wants to give his daughter the same, and Eloise works hard to make sure their daughter feels the love that she never had growing up🥺

When Sirius is burned off the family tree, Eloise and Sebastian take him in🥹🫶 (they’re like 100 years old but WIZARDS LIVE LONGER…) The same happened to her all those years ago, and she wants him to know that his whole family hasn’t abandoned him.

Eloise LOVED her nieces - Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa - when they were younger, but as Voldemort becomes more powerful & people realize WHAT he’s doing, she has to separate herself from them. Her heart breaks seeing Bellatrix go mad, and seeing Narcissa engaged to a Malfoy out of obligation😔 (iykyk)

I haven’t thought any more about happy ending but I think it’s fun to think about how their future story might weave in with the actual canon events, ESPECIALLY since Eloise is a Black🥹💓

SAD ENDING:

After Sebastian gets his hands on Slytherin’s relic, it really starts to consume him and makes him even MORE obsessive than his natural tendencies - I imagine it similarly “talking” to him like Slytherin’s locket/horcrux did in Deathly Hallows (😳)

Eloise is deathly afraid of the changes she’s seeing in Sebastian and steals it from him (he would never willingly give it to her ESPECIALLY if it starts to feel like a precious item to him)

BUT the relic triggers the latent Black Family Madness in her - the madness that afflicts almost every woman in her family since…🤭 - and she herself starts to lose touch with reality. Her body and soul are already destroying themselves between the curse and the ancient magic inside of her, and the relic is what triggers it in her.

Sebastian becomes an Unspeakable, focusing on the Mind, in a desperate attempt to find a cure for his Eloise🥺

He never gives up his research, and sometimes when he comes home she is lucid and they talk about his research - otherwise, he just loves and takes care of her.

(He’s never successful in finding a way to reverse what he feels he caused in the first place - his ambition and single-mindedness is, to him, the reason why all of this happened)

Honestly who knows if I end their story either of these ways😌 I just love thinking of AUs and different endings and I have a few others I’ve considered as well!!! And whatever endings I don’t write will be immortalized on this blog and in my art as well🙏

[lesbiandarvey]

the first lady of easy company