#maybe B+ if I do really well but honestly… unless the curve which they might? they don’t decide yet lol

[victorianboyfriend]

TWO EXAMS DOWN ONE TO GO

[darthmaulification]

din djarin nsfw alphabet

A/N: i STILL have writer’s block when it comes to all the other stuff i have to get done that it’s INFURIATING. 🙄😤😡 i literally write two (2) sentences, and then my head says “no thoughts, all done :)”.

so anons still waiting on your stuff, have faith, i will get them done eventually!! 🙏🙏😭😭

but i want to get more stuff out more regularly, so take another nsfw alphabet, my brain is melting. 💗

(again, i imply fem!afab!reader and also, there is sensitive content (abortion) under X)

nsfw below the cut! 😘

A = aftercare (what are they like after sex?)

Din may be a bit unsure at first, but he is so sweet when it comes to aftercare. He’s got a caring nature already, and when it comes to making sure you’re clean, comfortable, and content after sex, Din is very soft and gentle. He’ll be asking you the whole time about what you need, how you’re feeling, complimenting and praising you for being perfect. Once he’s done making sure you’re okay, Din will conclude every time with kisses and cuddles, holding you close to him all the while whispering to you in Basic and Mando’a about how much he loves you.

B = body part (what’s their favorite body part of their partner? what about themselves?)

Honestly, Din has spent so long without showing someone else any part of him, that he is fairly insecure about how he looks. He’s a tad... embarrassed by his body, because he wants it to be perfect for you, but he doesn’t feel like it is (of course, you think he’s perfect). Din has a lot of self-criticisms, he worries that he’s too old for you, that his nose is too big for your liking, that he’s got a soft tummy and not like men your age. So Din doesn’t have a favorite body part, he’ll just like anything that you like.

Now on you... Din is a big fan of your face. He comes from a culture where one’s face is kept hidden unless you’re family or spouse, so to have you in all your glory and beauty is almost overwhelming to him. He loves your eyes especially (windows to the soul, and all), how they’re so expressive, what they look like when he’s fucked you cockdumb... all glossy and hazed... Din also loves your lips in particular too, the smile that tugs them up, what they look like when you say his name... and for another obvious reason that tends to happen when you’re below his belt on your knees...

(Also Din is a boobie man, full stop).

C = cum (basically anything to do with cum)

Din cums a lot, and he wants it all over you. If you let him, he’ll splatter his nut on your face, belly, breasts, ass, and other places that he loves and wants marked. He likes seeing you all messy and sticky, covered in the stuff that he creates just for you. Din goes kinda feral though if you beg him to cum inside you, allow him to bottom out and let loose past your tight cervix straight into your womb... makes his brain fizzle out. Also, Din’s cum tastes abnormally sweet, almost too sugary, much like the sweet man himself.

D = dirty secret (what’s their dirty secret?)

Din wants to be cucked. Like he really wants to watch someone else fuck you (consensually, of course), and him not being able to do anything about it. It’d be such a fucking tease and edge for him that the thought makes him feel some sort of way in his pants.

Also, not so much of a secret but still dirty, Din can play the role of a dom to a T, but in his heart, he’s a sub. Just take the reins on day, there’s not much he’d be compelled to do to stop you.

E = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Most, if not all, of Din’s sexual experiences before you were clumsy, quick fucks with sex workers at brothels or cantinas. He had most of them when the desire became to high to ignore, so really the closest around satisfied him enough. And although most of the conquests had no specialness or emotion to them, they did shape the way Din moved around bodies, aided in his ability to please and such. So Din is rather experienced, he knows what he’s doing and how to make things steamy, but he’s really never been able to truly connect with someone before. Even though he’s well versed in the art of sex, there’s a few learning curves for him to accomplish, particularly making sure he meets your needs the way you want them met, not how he thinks you may want to do things.

F = favorite position (what’s their favorite position?)

By far, Din loves nothing more but to bend you over a table, or the console board of the Razor Crest, and pound into you from behind like there’s no tomorrow. He loves to have the warmth of your ass, heavy and plush, against his pelvis all while he’s up to the hilt inside your core. Din also likes the control it gives him, having you squirming and moaning under him, one of his hands heavy on your back keeping you down while the other squeezes your thighs and hips, or plays with your clit. Din might also get a bit grabby with your hair, pulling back your head enough so that he can nibble at your neck and hiss all the dirty things he wants into your ear.

The close second for his favorite position though is having you tied up to the bed, wrists and ankles bound. It’s one of Din’s favorite sights in the entire galaxy.

G = goofy (are they the more serious type, or more humorous?)

Din is serious about making sure he’s doing all he can to make you a moaning, cockdumb mess, that’s for damn sure. He’s very driven in that regard, serious about the task at hand and all the things he has to do to make sure you know just how much he loves you. Din isn’t a stoic robot though, he’s too vibrant and compassionate of a man for that, so he’ll being saying sweet things to get you to blush and smile, grinning against the shell of your ear before kissing your neck, maybe nipping playfully at your ass or stomach too... Din knows how to give a good time.

H = hair (how well-groomed are they?)

Din is a functionalist, so he likes to keep his bush below the belt to a minimum, or at least manageable, so he trims it and sometimes shaves it fully. Though he does have a tendency to let it grow a bit if he’s having a dry spell or if he just doesn’t have the motivation... but once the tuft starts catching on the zip to his pants (he goes commando, the dork), that’s when Din knows he’s got to shave. All his body hair elsewhere; head, face, legs, back, arms, etc, Din doesn’t care much about except his moustache and tasteful stubble which he does really like to keep. Of course, Din keeps everything as clean as a whistle.

On his partners, Din doesn’t have much of a preference, but he does lean towards someone who at least keeps their stuff trimmed (and clean, of course). However, he won’t force you to do anything, it’s your body, your decisions.

I = intimacy ( how intimate are they during sex?)

Just... so intimate. Of course, Din fucks like a beast in rut, but he’s so consuming and raw with it, it’s nothing short of perfect. Din wears his heart on his sleeve, so sex is constant “I love yous” in every word and action, even when it’s all vulgarity and dirty and horny, but it’s love nonetheless. You’re able to feel it from how he presses against you, molds against you like liquid heat, how his hands make your body his own, how he kisses you with stars in his eyes, how he tells you over and over again both vocally and silently, “Thank you”.

J = jack off (do they masturbate?)

Mm... it depends on his mood. He masturbated more when he was younger, when he had more time and drive to do so. Though once he got older, and life happened, and he’s almost non-stop running around chasing quarries... Din’s just too darn tired. It got even less so when Grogu came into his life, because oh my Maker the horror Din would feel if somehow his son caught him in the act. But Din is only human, and has that accursed Mandalorian sex drive, so sometimes the urge does rear it’s head, and he’s gotta make his hand and penis best friends again.

Doesn’t help when you’re occupying his thoughts either.

K = kinks (any kinks?)

Y’know that cliché where it’s like “normal looking person whose an absolute freak in the sheets”? Yeah, that’s Din. This man is the epitome of that. Here’s his kinks:

Bondage. Din really likes the sight of you tied up on the bed, at his mercy like a bunny in a hunter’s trap. He wants to have you bound by your wrists and ankles, maybe even tying you to the bedposts, and fucking you senseless while you beg to be able to touch him too. Din favors using handcuffs (technically binders, but Star Wars lingo is silly sometimes), but he’ll use whatever you’re okay with too. And, of course, if bondage isn’t your thing, he won’t ever force you to do it. (psst, Din doesn’t mind being tied up either)

Spanking. Kind of the only aspect of the “S” part of BDSM that Din will every really partake in. He likes landing a good few firm swats on your flanks, likes seeing your ass and thighs jiggle from the force of it, the bright flush that may appear afterwards if you let him go at it a while. Din also likes just being able to touch your ass too, so a nice spank to your bottom becomes the physical message of “You’re in for it tonight, mesh’la”. Oh, and he’ll make you count.

Daddy kink. Oh Maker, if you call him Daddy, he’ll lose his mind. Din has such a big Daddy kink that even if you call him it in a nonsexual situation, he’ll be feeling that warmth until he’s able to steal you away and rail you good. He loves being the Daddy and you being his “Sweet girl” or “Cyar’ika”... the dynamic runs him wild.

Breeding/pregnancy kink. Din wants to fuck a baby into you so badly he dreams about it. It’s been impounded into him that family and parenthood are really big deals, so you bet your ass he wants to fulfill that part of his Creed by making sure your pussy’s stuffed, womb is filled to the brim, and your breasts are swollen and milky. Din wants so so deeply to see you pregnant with the kid that you and him make, he desperately wants a family with you.

Breast/nipple kink. Yeah, Din really really likes your tits. There’s something about the shape, the texture, size, weight, etc that activates some primal monkey part of his brain that has him drooling. Din loves to knead and fondle your breasts, roll them under his large hands, press them together, watch the soft flesh squish and mold around his fingers. He especially loves the cute nipples of yours, pinching them between his fingers, tweaking them. Din also really likes sucking on your tits, leaving marks all over them, playing with your nipples with his tongue...

L = location (favorite place to “do the do”?)

When you both have the opportunity, Din really really likes taking you in a good, proper bedroom, something that the uncomfortable, tiny bunk on the Razor Crest really doesn’t account for. If it were up to him, he’d want to spend his entire life with you in bedroom fit for a king, taking you over and over again on a mattress that feels like a cloud. It’s no shock then whenever Din actually shills out the credits (being the frugal man he is) to buy a hotel room is the sex borderline godlike.

M = motivation (what gets them turned on?)

A sure-fire way to get Din fully and completely riled up would be to wear something real scandalous. Be that a shirt that shows a tad bit more, or pants that are tight enough to reveal you aren’t wearing panties, or (Din’s favorite) a set of cute lingerie... Din will get hard in his pants. It’d be even more so if you tease him in public, but be warned he’ll fuck you mean for that.

N = NO (what’s their turn offs?)

Very early on, it was, obviously, taking off his helmet. If you asked, or Maker forbid tried, the mood would drop pretty extensively if not entirely from Din. He’d get uncomfortable, go silent, and the first time it happened, he left the room. Removal of the helmet was a very big one before he eventually showed you his face.

After you’ve been able to kiss his face over and over again and cry because you think he’s so beautiful? Nothing comes to Din’s mind really besides the kinks that are... nastier. Like literally, y’know... some other bodily... stuffs. Anyways, Din is pretty adaptable when it comes to kinks/positions and stuff. The pros of already being a kinky man...

O = oral (do they have a preference in giving/receiving?)

Okay, Din really loves his dick sucked. The way that you wrap your lips around his shaft, kiss the tip of his penis, fondle his balls, lick and slobber on him... makes his eyes roll to the back of his head. He especially loves being able to watch you try and take all of him in your throat, seeing the tears of pleasure squeeze out your eyes, the way you hollow your cheeks around him and suck. Din loves it when you go down on him.

... Now that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like going down on you. There is no place Din would want to be more than with his face between your legs, lapping at you like a starving animal. He’ll spend hours with his mouth on your cunt, swirling his tongue around your clit, driving orgasm after orgasm from you until you’re shaking from overstimulation and begging him to stop. Din loves your pussy, the way you taste and smell... drives him wild.

P = pace & PDA (are they soft, sensual, rough, or feral? are they open to displaying the relationship?)

Din will most often rail you into the mattress with a fervor. He tends to fuck hard, and he likes to play rough. The pace he keeps is something that makes you see stars every time he thrusts, when he ruts into you so hard that your entire body moves. However, Din does this all with a type of passionate sensuality that leaves you in tears, he fucks you sure, but it’s also fully fueled by unwavering love. When he’s feeling especially sentimental, Din will indulge on this love, and he’ll go slower, deeper, make you feel nothing but the weight of him.

And PDA... Well, Din doesn’t take the helmet or beskar off in public, so PDA is every time Din steps in front of you to shield you protectively, it’s when he offers to carry whatever you’re holding, it’s when he fights for you, it’s when he stands close to your side, when he sends you long side-eyed glances that make you feel the love, it’s when he nudges your shoulder with his, when he lets you wrap your fingers around his, when he drapes you with his cloak, surrounding you with him... It’s the little, subtle things, the personal things that mean you’re closer to him than anyone else.

Q = quickies (what’s their opinion on quickies?)

Maker, yes. Din becomes kinda addicted to having sex with you, so any and all chance to pull down his and yours pants and rut you both into a quick release is perfect for him. They don’t happen all that often, you’re both too busy most of the time, but if there’s a window of opportunity, Din will take it.

R = risks (are they okay with experimenting? do they take risks?)

Din’s kinda a big baby, so anything you may want to try with him in the bedroom that’s out of the norm will have him a stuttering, blushing mess. Most of the time though, once you’ve explained whatever you’re wanting enough, he’ll be down to do it because he knows you’re fine with it, and so is he. Though Din has his limits, a few things in particular that he’d never risk: safety and his Creed. He won’t ever try something that would potentially put the both of you in mortal danger, and wouldn’t do something that breaks his Code. Other than that, Din does enjoy pushing the boundaries a little once you’ve started, and he might even become more advantageous.

S = stamina (how many rounds can they last?)

Din can last long enough, that’s for sure. He’s not borderline superhuman like some other men, but Din doesn’t tap out early either. With the skill he has with his hands, he’s easily able to make you cum a couple times before he dicks you down, and sometimes he’s even able to draw out an orgasm or two when he’s balls deep inside you. It all usually depends on his energy level, if he’s pumped up and well rested, expect a long, long night, but if he’s so tired he can barely keep his eyes open, honestly he might just cum if you jerk him off a little bit.

Though sleepy sex with Din, although it’s very short, is also a bit of an exercise in absolute trust with him. He’s able to fall asleep in your arms, all worn out and buzzing from his orgasm, it makes him feel fully at peace.

T = toys (do they own/use any toys?)

Haha, no. Din is such a minimalist, he didn’t own any type of luxury like that, unless you count the handcuffs, but he technically uses those for his job. It really is he just doesn’t have the space nor the credits he’s willing to spare, and he didn’t have a partner before you so really it would’ve been pointless for him. But now that he’s got you in his life (and bed)? Yeah, Din might splurge a little bit and buy some things to make your romps a bit more... interesting. Be that a vibrator, some silky rope, a plug... just some fun things.

U = unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

He likes to tease, because edging you edges him and that satiates the deep-rooted sub inside of him. Din likes to have you begging for release just as much as he likes the feeling of his cock practically screaming to sink into your velvety core. The teasing really goes both ways, even if Din is the one who’s technically doing all of it. He also gets really into dirty talk (for as long as he can actually speak) and will be saying all sorts of nasty things in your ear like “C’mon, cyar’ika, tell me you want my fingers” or “Pretty girl, use your words. You want my cock or no?”.

V = volume (how loud or quiet are they during sex?)

Din is loud, but in a quiet type of way? He like... whisper yells, like his voice is already naturally low, so when he’s got you all in his grasps it’s like the volume of his voice doesn’t increase, but the intensity does? Din fills the room, essentially, being the only thing you hear, even over your own moans, squeals, screams, etc. It’s mostly a lot of strained dirty talk, like each word Din says to you is determined, but he’s got to push them through clenched teeth because his dick’s twitching so hard and your pussy is just too good... and shit, once you’ve drawn the first moan out of him, it’s over for him. Din will be moaning. Once he’s lost in the sauce, which happens sorta quickly, Din becomes just as incoherent as you, maybe being able to babble out something about seeing you fat with child or maybe about how well you’re swallowing up his cock, but it really devolves into lengthy, horny moans and hefty grunts. So yes, our man’s is loud.

W = wildcard (what’s a random headcanon?)

Din loves when you tell him how much you think he’s attractive. He’s spent basically his whole life with his face in a bucket and his body in armor, so he’s never gotten compliments about his authentic self before. This kind of hampered his self-confidence and racked up his insecurity? Din doesn’t necessarily have any specific qualms with how he looks, but he also is very unsure of how you think of him. So when you tell him that you love his face; his crooked, hooked nose, his soft, honey brown eyes, his patchy stubble, and even his ridiculous moustache... it makes his heart soar.

This same sentiment goes for his body too, which Din does have a couple of more prominent issues with. For one, he’s a tad soft around the middle (age + indulging himself + taking excessive off days = weight gain) which makes him feel semi-insecure about what you may think when you don’t see chiseled, perfect abs, and he’s just generally self-conscious about his age. But when you’re fine with it? When you say you find his chub endearing?? That he’s really not that old and that he shouldn’t worry about it??? Din is beyond happy.

And in a complete 180, Din has a very high sperm count. Like astronomically high. A medical marvel type of high. So... if you indulge on his desire for a big family... expect a lot of little Djarin brats really fast.

X = x-ray & x-tra (what’s underneath those clothes? any more random headcanons?”)

Din is built like a himbo. He’s built like he’d ask you what pussy size do you wear when he buys pads for you. He’s built like the dude that comes into the store you work at every so often who’s just so captivating and out of this world handsome that you stare at him as he looks at the same thing he always does, until he leaves after not buying it for the third week in a row. He has a very good figure, muscular in all the right places from a lifetime of brutal physical activity. Din’s arms and shoulders are probably his best feature, the entirety of the appendages being toned with taut, powerful muscle and perfect for holding you. His chest is quite toned as well, though his pecs are softer and have a smattering of chest hair brushed on the muscles. Although he has a relatively trim waist and a defined Adonis belt, Din’s belly is actually pretty soft. He’s like a muscular boy, but with a bit more chub (if anyone gets that reference, you’re extra sexy), so Din doesn’t have a defined set of abs. He does have a dark happy trail that leads to the special someone between his thick-muscled thighs.

He also, from time and age, has a bit of a weathered look to him that makes him look experienced and jaded. His body also has a smattering of scars, most of them old and silvered, from scuffles and fights he’s had in his past. 

Big Dick Cum Daddy Din is hung. His penis is a mouth-watering 9 inches (22.86 cm) of throbbing glory, not overly girthy (2 inches, 5.08 cm, in width) but perfect nonetheless. He has a very prominent vein on the bell end of his cock, as well as fairly defined ridges on the sides, like he’s fucking ribbed for your pleasure. His penis is actually circumcised, so the head of his cock gets especially red once you’ve got all the blood and horniness in his loins. Din’s balls are perfect too, weighty things that hang a bit lower that only shows their virility.

Din is pro-choice. He’s a firm believer in people having autonomy over their bodies and having the ability to choose. So when it comes to abortion, even though the thought admittedly makes Din a little uncomfortable, he would fully support his partner choosing to have one, if that was their decision.

Also, Din is a bisexual icon, I don’t make the rules.

Y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Yes. Ever since you come into his life, Din is horny like a teen boy all over again, it’s almost ridiculous. At the very beginning, it’s just a lot of him fantasizing about what he wants to do to you, because A) you’ve both just met, B) his Creed, and C) it’d be so embarrassing for him for you to find out how much you affect him. But once you two start getting closer, and spend weeks and months dancing around each other, Din starts to get a bit more flirty, more frisky. You definitely start noticing how much he’s wanting you, so really it comes to the point that at any time you reciprocate your feelings and consent, Din will be on you in a second. After that first time, it’s over for y’all. Din will want to fuck all the time, everywhere, whenever possible. Your pussy becomes his dick’s permanent home.

Z = zzzz (how fast do they fall asleep after?)

Din isn’t an easy sleeper in general, so after sex it’s really not much different. It always takes a while for him to fall asleep, so you’ll definitely be passed out before he even starts to feel tired. He’ll spend most of his time after making sure you’re taken care of with his exquisite aftercare, and then mumble sweet nothings to you as you fall asleep. Even after you’re out, Din will still lie awake and talk to you quietly about anything and everything that comes to mind before he eventually falls asleep too.

[mydekuacademia]

Can I get A-Z nsfw for kacchan?

Absolutely!

A: Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

I feel like he can go one of two ways: hes either a big baby and just wants to hold you until you both fall asleep, or he does everything from running you a bath to making you some delicious food to massaging your sore muscles

B: Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner)

His favorite parts of his own body are his shoulders and chest. Hes muscled af and is proud of it

On you, he is absolutely an ass man. He wont touch it in public unless he knows nobody can see, but in private? Hoo boy

C: Cum (Anything to do with cum)

He likes to cum on your ass, back, or face or in your mouth. And his pull-out game is immaculate, so count on getting cummed on

D: Dirty Secret

Hes thought about having a threeway with you and Kirishima. He decided against bringing it up and was grateful for that later on when he realized he didnt want to share

E: Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Not experienced at all. He never really saw sex as something he needed or even really wanted until you came along. That being said, he still knows what hes doing for the most part. Plus, hes observant as hell, so he'll learn soon enough

F: Favorite Position

As we've established, hes an ass man, so he prefers having you face away from him. If hes really pent up, he'll bend you over a counter. Otherwise, reverse cowgirl is his go-to

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Absolutely not. Hes not goofy in normal life, and that carries over to the bedroom

H: Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He trims his pubes really short, but not shaved. He likes that he feels closer to you that way

I: Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

I mean, as intimate as Katsuki can be. He probably wont call you a dumbass, which translates to true love in Bakugou language. He does, however, take extra care to be gentle with you if hes feeling sad or sappy

J: Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Another thing he didnt really have the desire to do until he was with you. Prior to dating you, he masturbated only when completely necessary. But now that he knows how good the release can feel, he does it maybe once a week or if hes really pissed and cant be with you

K: Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Katsuki. Is. Daddy. He loves when you call him daddy, or even sir. It gives him a huge power trip

Quirk usage - in place of spanking, he'll set off small explosions by your ass. Not enough to hurt you, just enough to get his point across and see your ass jiggle

Orgasm denial and edging. You can cum when he says you can, and he'll bring you right to the edge over and over until he decides youve had enough

Brat taming. Hoooo boy he loves when you act up so he can tame you

L: Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Honestly, any place you wont get caught. Bedroom, kitchen at night, couch, etc. If its a quickie, he does not care about comfort, so literally any surface works. If it's proper sex, he prefers the bed or couch

M: Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Mostly when you act bratty towards him and when you get a little too friendly with someone else (even just hugging them for what he deems to be too long)

N: NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He will not share, even though he used to fantasize about it a bit. Youre his, dammit

He wont do anything that will actually hurt you or leave marks that last longer than a week or so

O: Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Prefers receiving over giving, but still gives you oral sometimes. He just doesnt really know what to do and wont ask for help, so he only really does it if youve had a bad day or something

P: Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Katsuki is 100% fast and rough. He'll slow down a bit if you ask nicely, but he prefers going at a damn near impossible pace

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He honestly loves quickies. He often doesnt have the patience to wait until you two have more time to go at it, so quickies are perfect. Of course, he loves being able to take his time, but hes not too picky

R: Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Some stuff, hes more than willing to try. Different positions, bondage, sensory deprivation, etc. Other things he wont try unless you bed and/or give him something in return. So like, if you wanna try pegging, you're gonna have to beg for h o u r s and maybe blow him too

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He typically lasts 2 or 3 rounds max, but he can last a pretty decent amount of time, especially if hes teasing you. You best be ready for hours of edging if hes in the right mood

T: Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Nope. He wants to be the only one to make you feel good. The only thing he might have is a pair of handcuffs, but thats iffy

U: Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Bakugo is so unfair. He will tease you mercilessly until youre shaking and crying and begging to cum. He, however, cannot handle teasing. He'll either get mad right away or end up begging within minutes

V: Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He isnt really that loud. The most youll get from him are low grunts and groans. If he's really, really pent up, he might let out a whiny moan when he cums

W: Wild Card (Random headcanon)

He didnt watch porn until being with you. He knew it existed, he just saw it as pointless and trashy. But now he watches it every once in a while if you arent around to help him out

X: X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Hes a bit longer than average with an average girth. Being decently big was a big ego boost for him tbh. It curves slightly up and is uncut

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

A little lower than average tbh. Hes so focused on hero work and one-upping midoriya that sex doesnt really cross his mind that often

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He likes to hold you for a while afterward, so unless he goes all out with aftercare, he stays awake for about half an hour.

[leviskitten]

𝑵𝑺𝑭𝑾 𝒂𝒍𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒕 ♡

Sugawara Koushi x reader(gn!)

Warnings: regular nsfw stuff, nothing dark tho

A/n: I love alphabets can’t you tell? Lmao. If there are any characters you want me to do alphabets for then lmk.

Original template Fluff version

♡彡 A = Aftercare : What are they like after sex?

• It depends really. I headcannon kou as a bottom leaning switch (ofc), so it depends on which role he took for the session.

If he was a sub, then he’d be very tired probably, and clingy. Would definitely whine when you leave to grab a wet cloth to clean him up, and would whine again when you get up to at least put a T-shirt on lmao. But besides that he’s very cuddly. Pet his head while he rests his head on your neck while calling him a good boy and not only he’d be a blushing mess but he’d also fall asleep with a little smile on his face 🥺

If he was a dom, then he’d probably treat you the same way he wants to be treated when he subs. Cleans you up as fast as he can so he can get in bed with you a cuddle a whole bunch 🥺🥺

♡彡 B = Body part : What’s their favorite body part of theirs? And yours?

• His favorite body part about himself is probably his chest. He likes how slim and soft it is, (and how it looks when you mark him up).

And yours, it’s probably your legs. He loves how they look when you wrap them around his waist while he fucks you, and how they almost suffocate him when you sit on his face. He could admire them for hours honestly.

♡彡 C = Cum : Anything to do with cum, basically

• He has an odd fixiation with his cum. There, I said it.

He likes cum play, wheter that is paiting any part of you with it, stuffing it deep inside you and watch it slip out, or when you overstimulate him and let it all pool on his stomach.

It turns him on tbh.

♡彡 D = Dirty secret : A dirty secret of theirs.

• He wants to have a foursome with the other third years. But not in the way you’d expect.

He wants to either let them all have their way with you and practically use you. Or he wants you to be controlling them and make them act like your little pets. No in between.

There’s just something about you being in charge of two large man and himself that just turns him on to no end.

♡彡 E = Experience : How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?

• I feel like maybe he’s had had a little bit of prior experience, but not really.

He technically knows what to do, and how to do it, but he’s never done it before. So it’ll be a little awkward at first, but he’s got the basics and he learns quick so it’s good don’t worry.

♡彡 F = Favorite position : self explanatory lol

• When he subs, doggy style. He likes to be spanked and to leave the sheets wet with his cum afterwards.

When he doms, mating press. He likes to able to see your expression as he fucks you senseless, and it also makes him able to really get in there y’know.

♡彡 G = Goofy : Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous?

• He can be both really tbh. He’ll try to take it serious most of the time, but if something funny happens he’d definitely point it out and laugh at it. It’ll probably turn into a in joke between you two afterwards.

♡彡 H = Hair : How well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes?

• He’s pretty well groomed honestly. He likes the twink vibe, so he’d probably shave over there most of the time. However the carpet does match the drapes 100%, tho it’s a little bit more blondish in there for some reason.

♡彡 I = Intimacy : How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect.

• Oh he’s a hopeless romantic, so if he’s in charge he’d 100% have his little cheesy moments without a doubt (will hold your hand while you cum).

♡彡 J = Jack off : Masturbation headcannon.

• The only way he can get off without you, is with one of his dirty secrets.

However he will call you while he’s doing it so you can give him instructions, that shit really turns him on.

♡彡 K = Kink : One or more of their kinks.

• He’s a kinky bastard so I’m not gonna go into detail with all of them but here’s a little list:

— Pegging, both degradation and praise (depending the mood), choking and spanking, spit (kinda), overstimulation and edging, b r e e d i n g, cumplay, voyeurism, biting and scratching, and sensory depravation.

♡彡 L = Location : Favorite places to do the deed.

• Probably his bed, he likes to be comfortable in the meantime yknow.

♡彡 M = Motivation : What turns them on/keep them going?

• Mainly moans and just being really vocal in general. He absolutely adores when you talk him trough it.

Also, being kinda rough. It awakens something in him lmao.

♡彡 N = No : Something they wouldn’t do/turn off’s

• There aren’t many things that he wouldn’t do tbh, he’s a pretty open person and he’s probably open to do a lot of things at least once y’know. However he can’t do public humiliation, or just very public stuff in general (like fucking in a park or something). It creeps him out a little bit, and he’ll probably be too nervous to proceed.

♡彡 O = Oral : Preference on giving/receiving, skill, etc.

• He doesn’t mind either tbh, I guess it’s really depending the mood, but he doesn’t really a preference when it comes to that.

He’s pretty skilled tho, and a very fast learner so it wouldn’t take him long to figure out what you like. And once he knows, he wouldn’t mind spending hours just eating you out and swallowing your cum over and over again <3

♡彡 P = Pace : Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.

• He can be both to be honest, it depends on the mood and what he’s planning to do with you if u know what I mean,,,,

♡彡 Q = Quickie : Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.

• Not a big fan of them tbh.

He’d rather spend a whole night/afternoon just going at it. However he doesn’t mind a quick blowjob or handjob (for either of you), every once in a while.

♡彡 R = Risk : Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? Etc.

• Oh he’s willing to take a few risks lmao.

He’s a very open and experimental person when it comes to sex, so don’t be a afraid to tell him anything new that you wanna try, he’ll probably say yes to everything lol.

♡彡 S = Stamina : How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last? Etc.

• If he’s subbing, he can go for hours. It’s almost as if he’s craving it (he is lmao).

If he’s domming, then he can go for a round or two, but it’s most likely for him to take a little break to check on you or just finger you for a little while.

♡彡 T = Toys : Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?

• Oh yeah he definetly does have a couple of toys. He’s most likely to buy an entire collection with his partner tbh.

He likes to use them himself and on his partner (or his partner use them on him lmao). Again, he’s very experimental, and he actually did grow a liking for vibrators and cock rings lmao.

♡彡 U = Unfair : How much do they like to tease?

• He’s a cheeky bastard. 100% will tease you to no end while you’re busy only so you can punish him later.

♡彡 V = Volume : How loud are they? What sounds they make? Etc.

• He’s l o u d. I said before that noise turns him on, so of course he’s gonna be very vocal in general.

He pants a lot, and when he’s being overstimulated he makes the sweetest whines and high pitch moans it’s just <3

Also, expect a lot of “Hmm you like it when I do that, don’t you?” “You want it? Beg for it” “Such a lovely little slut for me aren’t you?” When he’s on top.

♡彡 W = Wild card : A random headcannon for the character.

• When he’s jerking off alone, he likes to do it sitting down in front of his full length mirror in his room. Completely naked. And he does it until he cums at least twice.

♡彡 X = X-Ray : Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes.

• HE HAS SUCH A PRETTY DICK I JUST KNOW IT.

About average size and width, but it’s so pretty and perfect omg. Slightly curved upwards, and it’s pretty pale, with the tip in a soft pink (it turns more red when overstimulated oops). Also, it’s very sensitive on the head, touch it a few times with the pads of your fingers and he might cum just with that if he’s turned on enough.

♡彡 Y = Yearning : How high is their sex drive?

• It’s pretty high not gonna lie lmao.

But he keeps it undercontrol,,,, most of the time.

♡彡 Z = Zzz : How quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?

• If it’s been a long session, then probably pretty quickly (baby boy is tired ok 🥺), though he always refuses to fall asleep unless he gets to cuddle with you while you play with his hair and whisper some reassurance cuz y’know, sometimes degradation can take the best of him :(

[bungou-stray-dingus]

Hello, I'm back! 💕 May I please ask for a serving of soft!dom Ranpo with a smol, shy female s/o scenario please~ and if you don't mind, maybe add a dash of daddy kink? (But if you're not comfortable with that, it's okayyy) THANK YOU ♥️

a/n : OOOOH a little bit of spicy snack boy >.^ SAY NO MORE! ALL MY LATE NIGHT INDULGENCES HAVE PREPARED ME FOR THIS MOMENT! GOsh I hope this is good because I am SWEATING writing this. But Ranpo is a whole snack.

T/W : Slight NSFW, A little Dash of Daddy Kink, Soft!Dom BB BOI, Fluff;

Ranpo

This boy loved how sweet and innocent you were, you were as sweet as the candy that he binge eats. But it wasn't just your sweetness or your innocence, you were also on the shorter side. Honestly, according to him, you were the dictionary definition of the perfect little cinnamon bun, which is what he called you often. Not only were you innocent and sweet, but you were also shy, which he was perfectly okay with. He didn't like talking much, so the two of you found a way to talk with your eyes and different facial expressions. Ranpo had brought you up to the Agency members once, and they (Dazai mainly) had begged him to bring you in, they wanted to meet you, the girl who had managed her way into Ranpo's secluded, snack filled life.

When he had first brought you to the Agency to meet everyone it was a big deal for him and you, he could tell how nervous you were about meeting his coworkers who had in a sense become family to him, but he had reassured you that they would all love you. "Not as much as I love you obviously, but how could they not love you? You're amazing Y/N." His hand way on your thigh, he was always touching you in some way, especially out in public. You were clearly the most beautiful girl in Yokohama, and he wanted everyone to know that you were his and his only. If anyone even looked in your direction he would squeeze your thigh, or his hand would trail down to your ass and give it a light squeeze causing a small squeal to escape your lips, your face dropping as you tried to hide from the strangers gazing eyes.

The train ride was short, when you got off the train Ranpo kept his hand on your lower back, hovering just above where your back curved to your butt. If needed, he could swiftly move his hand down, reaching under your skirt to pinch one cheek, letting any man who's eyes lingered a little longer than necessary know that you were taken by him. He brought you into the Agency building, watching your facial expressions as you took in the coffee shop on the lower level, breathing in through your nose, letting the smell of coffee fill your nostrils. You closed your eyes, sighing and smiling to him. "Adorable. I could kiss you." He said, you hadn't noticed how close he had gotten until you felt his breath, hot against the lope of your ear. His teeth grazed against the sensitive skin and your body shuddered. "R-Ranpo... there's people..." You were highly aware of the man behind the counter watching the exchange between the two of you.

"I don't mind. You're mine, aren't you?" His words were not much more than a whisper, his lips were moving lower down to your neck. His hands were on the same downward course, inching teasingly slow down your backside. Your breath hitched in your throat as you felt his nails dig into your upper thighs, right below the hem of your skirt. "Of course I'm yours... B-but... they're waiting upstairs." You tried to get his mind back on track. It wouldn't be unlike him to try to take you right there in one of the booths. It's not that he was actually into doing things in public, but he had a one track mind, and when he suddenly felt the urge, he acted on it no matter where you two were. He had riled you up many times, leaving you a flustered frustrated mess until you got back to the privacy of your own home.

He sighed, pulling away slightly as your words brought him back to the moment at hand. "We stay for twenty minutes. I need to get you home to deal with what you've caused." He murmured, his voice low and sultry. You felt the heat pooling between your thighs, but you had to keep a straight face when you met his coworkers, you had to make a good impression. Your teeth tugged at your bottom lip as you tried to contain yourself, rubbing your thighs together, literally trying anything to get a grip on yourself. It felt like your knees were shaking, and Ranpo noticed immediately. "Mmm, my little princess, you're not as innocent as you want people to believe. Be patient for Daddy, won't you?"

He led you over to the elevator, and the sexual tension between the two of you felt like a thick fog. You didn't know how long the two of you could hold off. He was practically undressing you with his eyes already, and it didn't matter how loose his pants were, you could see the slight bulge growing between his legs. As soon as the elevator doors shut he had you cornered against the wall, his arms on both sides of your head. His lips crashed into yours, his knee pushing your legs apart before bringing his leg up to drag across your most sensitive area. You moaned into the kiss, bucking your hips against his leg, desperate for his touch. He pulled away, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he looked down and saw the small wet spot on his pants. "So needy, you're already so wet for Daddy. I might just make you wait a little longer, how about that?" You didn't have time to answer before the doors slid open and he grabbed your wrist to pull you out.

The office door opened and out stepped a beautiful woman, her hair was short and black, adorned with a butterfly clip on the side. Her eyes were a beautiful magenta, but you could tell by looking at her that she meant business. Her outfit seemed very business like, a knee length A-line skirt and a white button up with red heels. She looked you over, and you couldn't tell if it was a look of approval or disapproval, but it made you slightly nervous. "So this is her?" She asked, looking over to Ranpo, her eyes scanning over his face as she waited for his response. You didn't like the way she looked at him, the smug smile spreading on her lips as she stared at him a little longer than necessary. "This is her." Ranpo finally said, a hint of pride mixed in with his tone. The jealousy that had been slowly trying to creep it's way in had all but vanished when you heard him say those three simple words. He moved his hand down to intertwine his fingers with yours, giving your hand a soft squeeze to help calm your nerves.

The woman turned on her heel and walked back into the office, not another word spoken, and you could have sworn that you sensed a feeling of agitation emitting from off her. You tried not let her mood affect you too much, even though the look that she had given Ranpo would bother you for a while, especially considering they worked together and saw each other almost every day... was there something there that you had to be worried about? Your stomach sank as your pessimism took control, all of your doubts and fears formed into one. Not even his hand in yours seemed to calm your nerves, and the feeling that was once sexual tension that had been building inside you turned into flat out tension.

You couldn't really focus on all the people in the room, they had their eyes on you, but you couldn't seem to lift your gaze from the ground. "She's just shy, isn't my little cinnamon bun precious?" Ranpo said, the feeling of his thumb brushing along your cheek should have been enough to calm you, but even still, the only thing you could think of was him possibly doing the same to the beautiful bob haired woman. He began his introduction, pointing around the room as he said everyone's names. "Kunikida, Kenjii, Atsushi, Tanizaki, Naomi, Kyouka, Dazai, Fukuzawa, and last but certainly not least, Doctor Yosano." When his hand motioned to her the pit in your stomach only grew larger. He said her name with a sort of devoutness. He had never told you anything about this woman, he had never brought her up to you at all, yet he looked at her with almost the same eyes he would give you after a long day of work, when you were the only person he wanted to see... apparently that wasn't the case though... maybe he had more than one person he adored. "Everyone, this is Y/N." He said your name the same way he said hers, but that didn't make you feel any better. In fact, it made you feel worse. Did he think of you the same way he thought of her, or did he think of her the same way he thought of you? Either way, it didn't seem very good.

"Ranpo-kun, can you come over here for a minute?" Her voice might have seemed seductive to anyone else, but to you it was piercing, like a needle going straight through one ear and out the other. The hardest part to handle was the fact that he obliged, leaving you to stand in the middle of the office so he could walk over to her. She shifted her long, slender legs, folding one over the other and leaned back on the desk she was sitting on. You could tell what she was doing, you had done the same type of pose multiple times at home to try to get Ranpo's attention, and the worst part was that it was working for her just as well as it worked for you.

Your eyes were focused on what was going on across the room, unaware of the man that had been making his way over to you. He tapped your shoulder lightly and you quickly turned around, having to look up to actually see his face. He was obviously a very charming man, and extremely cocky, you could see that in the way that he smiled down at you. "So, you look a little uncomfortable. How about I show you around the office?" You tried to remember the mans name from the ones Ranpo had listed off. Tanizaki? Atsushi? Kunikida? No.... oh, that's right. He was Dazai, the one that Ranpo had warned you about before you had even come here. Apparently he was a flirt and a natural born charmer.

Ranpo had wanted you to try to stay away from Dazai unless he was around, but your emerald eyed boyfriend was currently being held up by the beautiful doctor, so you might as well have a little fun. Of course you would never do anything to actually hurt Ranpo emotionally, you couldn't bear the thought of losing him, but you weren't going to just stand by and watch as Yosano clearly flirted with your boyfriend, whether he noticed it or not.

"Is there anywhere that you'd like to see first?" Dazai asked, leaning against the desk as he stared at you, his eyes shut, a small smile on his lips, his head cocked to the side. You could definitely see now why he was the heartthrob of the Agency.

"The coffee shop... downstairs... i-it smelled really nice. I'd love to have a cup." You said it softly, so soft that nobody else had been able to hear you at all, even Dazai had barely made out what you said, but he heard enough. He nodded and pushed himself away from the desk, wrapping his arm loosely around your waist as he led you to the door. You weren't expecting him to be so touchy, and you weren't sure if this would be considered going to far.

You used the time alone with Dazai to learn more about Ranpo and Yosano's relationship, finding out if it was platonic or if there was something more there. When you finally heard the full story you felt awful for even assuming, and even more awful for thinking that leaving the office upstairs to go with Dazai was a good idea.

Meanwhile, Ranpo had finally finished his conversation with Yosano. She had been talking to him about how cute he and you looked together, and that she wasn't used to seeing someone shorter than him. She was proud of him honestly, that he had found someone that he seemed to be truly in love with. She saw how he would open his phone occasionally while sitting at his desk, and his eyes would open for only a second to read the text, then his eyes would close and a wide smile would spread across his face as he leaned back in his chair. She knew before he had even brought you up that he had found someone, and that someone made him truly happy. That's all she wanted for him, he was like a brother to her, and she believed that he deserved nothing but the best.

He turned around, thinking that he would find you still standing in the middle of the office, or maybe sitting on the couch talking to Naomi or Kyouka, but he saw that you were gone, and not only that, but Dazai was gone too. He didn't want to make a scene, of course not, but thinking of you being anywhere with Dazai had him slightly irritated, maybe even... jealous. He had no reason to be jealous obviously, he knew that you would never actually make a move on Dazai, but it wasn't you that he was worried about. You were shy and soft spoken, if Dazai tried anything on you, you would be too nervous to say anything about it or tell him to stop.

His eyes shot open, flashing his beautiful emerald green irises to everyone in the office. They knew he meant business then, clearing a path for him to the door. He already knew where the two of you had went, he thought it was quite foolish of Dazai to try to even take you out of the office in the first place. First thing, he would know exactly where you were, his ultra deduction wasn't just used for crime cases. Also, you were HIS, so it took some nerve for Dazai to sweep you off somewhere to be alone with him, especially when Ranpo was around. He wasn't exactly angry about it, no, just irritated and he wanted to show everyone in the office that you belonged to him, specifically Dazai.

You were at the little booth in the front of the small cafe, sipping from your coffee cup, trying to avoid Dazai's stare. When you put your cup down his hands immediately moved to capture yours. "Wha- What are you doing?" You stammered out, trying to pull your hands away, but his grip was tight. "You have your doubts about Ranpo, and I'm not going to tell you whether you're right or wrong about them. But I will tell you that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes upon. It would be an honor, a great privilege if you would commit a double suicide with me." His eyes were twinkling, filled with excitement at the possible prospect of having someone to do the fateful dead with him.

"I... uh... uhm... no thank you." You yanked your hands away, and just as you were about to get up you felt a set of strong arms wrap around your waist. You turned your neck to see his green eyes staring into yours, and you couldn't think of anything to say, so you shifted your body in his arms, burying your face in his shoulder. He tsked at Dazai, shaking his head at the man at the table. "I'm not shocked, just disappointed that you would attempt such a thing with MY girlfriend. I know that she is absolutely gorgeous, stunning even, but she is mine. I don't share any of my sweets, her included." His voice was stern, and you could only imagine how he would look. The thought of his face, matching the serious tone in his voice, it had a fire burning deep inside of you.

He led you to the elevator, leaving Dazai at the table in silence. You still didn't know what to say, but Ranpo had an idea of how to make you talk. You had been staring down at your shoes as you waited for the elevator to come down from the top floor, but Ranpo didn't like your silence, not at all. He grabbed your chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to look at him. "You belong to me, isn't that right my little kitten?" You hummed in response, but that wasn't enough. He shook his head and got closer, his face mere inches from your own. "I want to hear you say it." You were putty in his hands, and you loved when he was domineering like this. It turned you on and he knew it, he knew exactly what he was doing. "I'm your's, Daddy. No one else's." You whispered, and you could have sworn that you heard him moan.

The elevator doors opened and he pushed you inside, slamming his finger into the button repeatedly to close the doors. He pressed the top button, but as soon as the elevator started moving he pushed the emergency stop button. When he turned to look back at you his eyes were lidded, a darker version of the beautiful emerald green. That look alone had you practically dripping, and you were rubbing your thighs together, trying to feel anything, any type of friction. He was leaning in the far corner, watching you with a smirk. "Mmm, Daddy's little kitten is so impatient. Do you need my help?"

He walked over to where you were, moving to stand behind you. You grinded yourself against him as his hands traveled agonizingly slow up your thighs, under the hem of your skirt until he reached your panties. "You're soaking already, has Daddy been keeping you waiting too long?" He was kissing along your neck, biting it occasionally as he toyed with your over sensitive slit making your hips buck into his touch. "Let's see how many times I can make you come before someone saves us, hmm?"

A/N : I WAS SWEATING WHILE WRITING THIS AND I REALLY DO HOPE THAT IT'S GOOD BECAUSE I WAS LIKE "OOOHHHH MY GOSH HOW DOES ONE SERVE SOME GOOD FUCKIN FOOD!!!???" BUT I REALLY DO HOPE YOU LIKE IT!

[spencers-dria]

The First of Many

Someone To Stay Ch. 10

Spencer Reid x fem reader

Content Warnings: *Mentions of alcohol/drinking

Y/N POV:

You roll over in bed to glance at your phone to see it's 11 AM. It feels nice to sleep in with no alarm. After putting on your glasses and slippers and finally dragging yourself out of bed, you stroll into the kitchen and pour a bowl of fruity pebbles. You put a music playlist on the TV to play in the background.

It has been almost a week since your talk with Spencer. As much as it hurt you to see him broken in that way, you felt honored that he trusts you enough to share that part of his life with you. Talking about trauma is never easy. You should know.

You think over some of the things you said to him. Spencer's entire job involves profiling people and reading every tone, every bit of body language. You are sure that he most likely noticed changes in you as you spoke about coping with trauma, but you're grateful he hadn't felt the need to prod you with questions. He had become your best friend here, but you aren't sure you're quite ready to bare the darkest parts of your soul to him.

Suddenly you hear a knock at your door, not caring if a neighbor or maintenance worker sees you in your pajamas, you stroll towards the door and swing it open. You rub your eyes under your glasses to make sure you're seeing correctly. Spencer is standing in your doorway, a sheepish smile on his face.

"Y/N I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up! I just assumed since it was 11..."

You wave, brushing off his comments. "Its fine, really. I actually wasn't asleep. I was eating a late breakfast though." You suddenly become very self-conscious, and its not just because you're in your pajamas. Spencer had seen you that way on the trip. You realize as you stand in your doorway that you're wearing a tank and tight fitting PJ shorts and your bear paw slippers. Your hair is a giant mess. You have no makeup on, which you usually relied on to conceal your less than perfect skin. You never really outgrew acne, even in your twenties. You were also in your glasses. Basically, you felt like a hot mess, somewhat like Princess Anna waking up on coronation day. Even though your movie nights had been casual, you always tried to be at least somewhat put together without looking like you tried too hard.

"Umm come in" You step aside as you cross your arms over your chest, your gaze staying on your feet.

"Sorry you had to see me like this. I thought maybe it was just apartment maintenance. I can go change real quick..."

A look of genuine confusion spreads across his features. "I don't understand.  See you like what?"

You gesture to your entire body. "Like...this! I'm a complete mess, Spence." You try to keep your face down to conceal the redness growing on your cheeks.

Spencer shakes his head before letting out a small chuckle. You glance up, confused as to what about this he could possibly find funny. He better not be laughing at you, seeing as you are embarrassed enough as it is.

He shakes his head, smiling. "Silly girl."

Spencer reaches down and brushes a piece of hair behind your ear. "You always look pretty."

The voice of Mama Cass singing Dream a Little Dream of Me fills the air between the two of you. There's so much tension and you don't know where it came from. Usually you're really comfortable with Spencer. But you definitely feel butterflies in your stomach as the two of you lock eyes.

You definitely can't hide the blush heating up your face now. It seems like he is just now processing what he's said and done because his eyes widen as you see his face turn red as well. He lets out a cough, breaking eye contact and staring down at his shoes as he begins to fiddle with his hands. Your gaze lingers on his hands for just a moment before you turn on your heel and head back towards the kitchen table to finish your cereal.

Spencer follows you, hesitantly, leaning against the kitchen counter. There are a few moments of silence before he finally says "I was at a coffee shop just one block over. I had something to ask you so I thought I'd just stop by."

"Like I said before, you are always welcome Spencer. So what is your question?"

"It's probably stupid. You are more than welcome to say no. I probably would if I were you."

You laugh and roll your eyes. "Wow you're really selling me on this, keep going."

"Well... the team they uh, well sometimes they go out for drinks. If I don't go along they never let me hear the end of it. I usually end up sitting b-by myself while they all head to the dance floor. I j-just thought...I thought maybe you might..."

Spencer looks up, surprised to see you smiling and nodding enthusiastically.

"I'd love to. It's been a couple weeks since I've seen everyone. And honestly I could use a few drinks myself."

A toothy grin slowly grows on his face as he bites down on his bottom lip. He does this all the time but for some reason, today, you find your eyes staring at his lips a little too long after he's done this. Wow, he has really nice lips. Like reallyyy nice lips. How had you never noticed? I wonder if he's ever kissed anyone. He's in his thirties, surely he has. But he hasn't really spoken about past relationships. Then again neither had you.

You accidentally held your gaze on him while completely losing yourself in this train of thought. You are brought back to the present by Spencer calling your name. Your eyes quickly dart up to meet his as you realize just how far down the rabbit hole you had allowed your mind to go. You shake your head quickly, pushing these thoughts far away. It's hard enough to find a really great friend who will stick around that you can trust. You had no intention of screwing that up any time soon.

"Sorry! I'm really tired. I guess I just kind of zoned out there for a second." You quickly explain before returning to eating your bowl of cereal.

"Well I guess I should get going...I'll see you tonight?" Spencer starts to head toward the door.

"Wait! Why are you leaving?"

"Oh well I just though, well...I don't know. Are you saying you want to hang out?"

"You're my best friend here Spencer, of course I want to hang out!"

Before long the two of you had the Goblet of Fire ready to go on the TV with an array of snacks strewn across the coffee table. You noticed Spencer didn't sit on the far end of the couch this time. Instead, he sat almost on the middle. You decide to sit next to him, looking at him to make sure he's okay with it. He only gives you a smile, seemingly okay with this new arrangement.

By halfway through the movie, you had somehow ended up sharing one of your large fuzzy blankets and you had scooted close enough together that your head was on his shoulder. He hadn't said anything but you were fairly certain his breathing had changed as you'd done it.

The two of you had never been very touchy so you're not sure what had brought out this side of you today. Your thoughts start to wander again. Maybe it was the compliment he'd given you earlier. Spencer had never called you pretty, but hearing him say it gave you all kinds of nerves. You hadn't really thought about Spencer in that way. It's been years since you'd had a crush on anyone. You've forgotten what that even feels like. Surely that's not what this was. The two of you were just close. It's not like he'd ever be interested. He was a literal genius, an FBI agent, not to mention he was gorgeous. He could have any woman he wanted. Why are you even thinking about this! You don't like Spencer. Geez Y/N, get it together.

After the movie ends, you sit up and look at Spencer. "Do you need time to go home and get ready or will you be ready to leave from here?"

"Oh, I think I'm ready. I can leave and come back if you like?"

"That's silly. You can just wait here while I get ready, unless you have somewhere better to be" you jokingly raise your eyebrows and shove his shoulder. He fakes like he's been hurt, causing you to giggle. Ugh, why are you giggling? You sound like a lovesick schoolgirl.

You quickly stand up and head towards your bedroom before turning around to Spencer. "You are more than welcome to and food and drinks you find, and you can look through and find something on the TV if you'd like."

You take a quick shower and throw on a robe while you fix your hair and make up. You pull out a curling rod. You had a balayage done to your hair earlier that year, so curls really did look best, making the dark to blonde even more blended. As you look through your closet, you decide to pick an outfit that will give you a bit of a confidence boost. You pull on a spaghetti strap snug fitting maroon, velvet dress. It's a little lower cut than you usually wear, but it comes almost to your knees, keeping you from feeling like you've exposed too much skin. The back dipped fairly low, with the top half of your back covered in a piece of lace. After slipping into some strappy black sandals, you look in the mirror and admire the way it accentuates your curves. You'd been blessed with more booty than chest, so luckily you don't have to worry about showing an inappropriate amount of cleavage around Spencer's coworkers. Your legs also looked even more long and slender than usual. Yep, this was the perfect outfit.

You check your makeup in the mirror once more. Dark lipstick with smoky eye shadow and long lashes. You did this for yourself. You liked being able to feel a little bit sexy every once in awhile. You weren't dressing for anyone else. That is what you keep repeating in your head, and you will keep doing that until you believe it.

You take a deep breath to calm your nerves before stepping into the living room. Spencer is lying on the couch, reading through the book from your coffee table: Edgar Allen Poe's Complete Works. He's so entranced in the book, he doesn't notice you enter the room. Once he hears the clack of your heels across the floor he finally glances up and does a double take. Eyes wide, he opens his mouth to speak but just shuts it again. You can't help but think this was the reaction you had hoped for. Why were you dressing to impress Spencer? Maybe it's because he thought you were pretty when you were at your worst. You wondered what he would think when you put on your best. Based on the growing redness spreading from his face and down his neck, it's fair to say he liked what he saw. You could have sworn you hear him whisper a "wow" under his breath.

"I feel like I'm underdressed now." He finally speaks up.

"You look fine Spencer!"

"Fine? Fine can't compare with...with this!" He gestures to all of you.

You decide to play dumb. "I don't know what you're talking about. I just threw on a dress I thought would fit in with the atmosphere" You shrug. You want to tell him he looks more than fine. That he always looks fantastic, but you decide to keep this to yourself.

"There's nothing wrong with the way you're dressed, but if it bothers you that much I can help." You step forward and look him up and down, trying to figure out the best way to do this.

"You clearly know what you're doing," he laughs. "Go ahead."

"Ok first take off the sweater vest."

Spencer removes his black velvet-like blazer in order to remove a grey, patterned sweater vest. He's left in a dark purple button down with a matching tie, black slacks, and dress shoes.

You step closer and reach out to touch his tie, hesitating for a moment.

"May I?"

He nods for you to go ahead. You remove the tie and undo the top two buttons on his shirt. You then grab his blazer and help him to slip back into it. Lastly, you move your hand up to ruffle his hair a bit. You step back to take in the whole look.

"Well?" he asks.

You roll your tongue to the side of your mouth, biting on it as you try, very poorly, to hold back a smirk. You're impressed with your finished result.

He looks...hot. NO! Stop...nope. We're not going there. He's your best friend. That's all.

He must have noticed the way you've been eyeing him and the look on your face, because he is slowly turning a deep shade of red.

"See for yourself" you say as you lead him over toward a mirror.

After looking over his new appearance, he smiles. You can tell he feels confident like this. Confident Spencer is something you wish you saw more of. You're glad you could help him to see that he can be attractive. You wish he knew that he always has been.

"Come on pretty boy" you say, imitating Derek as you lead the two of you downstairs.

Luckily the bar is well within walking distance from your apartment. When you open the door to step outside the cool night air hits your skin, causing you to shiver a bit. You immediately feel a soft warmth enveloping your arms and shoulders. You look up to see Spencer wrapping his blazer around you. If any other guy had done this, you would certainly make assumptions, but Spencer was such a kind-hearted guy, you know he's only trying to be a gentleman. You give him a quick smile of appreciation as the two of you start to make your way to the bar.

When you finally walk through the doors, you make your way to a corner booth where you see some of Spencer's team...or your friends? You suppose they've really become your friends here. After greeting Penelope, Derek, and JJ each with a hug, you and Spencer walk up to the bar together to order drinks. Spencer orders water, which doesn't surprise you, but you've already decided that he needs a little help letting loose.

"Would you let me pick out a drink for you?" you ask, giving him your sweetest puppy dog eyes before he has a chance to shoot down the offer.

He sighs as though annoyed but his smile says other wise. "Fine, but go easy on me please."

"Two rum and cokes please, and make mine a double."

The two of you make your way back over to the rest of the group with your drinks. You listen to the four of them chat about some recent cases they've worked on. The topics don't bother you much, as you've always found that line of work intriguing. Since you're mostly listening, you finish your drink fairly quickly before Penelope speaks up.

"Enough work talk! I came to dance. Who's with me?"

Finishing your final sip, you slam the glass down on the table. You stand up to join her. "I'm in!"

JJ stands as well. "Alright, lets go, ladies!"

You hand Spencer back his blazer and look to him and Derek, waiting to see if they'll join.

"I'm feeling a little sore after that take down the other day. Maybe I'll join when I'm s a few more drinks in," Derek says.

"I'm okay for now." Spencer sees your hesitation when you realize he wont be joining. "Its okay though! Go and have fun." He gives a smile to let you know that he'll be fine. "Plus I have Morgan here to talk to for now."

"That's right, pretty boy!" Derek laughs as he throws his arm around Spencer, messing with his hair.

You laugh at the two as you turn to join the girls on the dance floor. You're grateful that those two have one another. Spencer is an only child and Derek seems to act in a big brother role. You know that it's good for him.

As you make your way to JJ and Penelope, the DJ is playing Now or Never by Tritonal. You are so grateful for a place that has good taste in music. EDM is just another one of many genres you enjoy. You and the girls are belting out the words together: "I'd rather have one night, than nothing foreveeerrr!"

As the beat builds you pick up your pace on the dance floor, giggling and dancing around with your friends. The beat finally drops and you're jumping and letting loose. You haven't had this much fun in a long time. Towards the end of the song, your gaze lands on Spencer. You notice Derek has left him to flirt with a girl over by the bar. He brought you along so he wouldn't be alone, and here you had left him. You make your way over to sit next to him after ordering two shots. You sit down next to him and slide his over towards him. He catches it as he raises his eyebrows at you.

"C'mon, you're gonna dance with us! I figure it will probably help if you drink to loosen up a bit first."

Spencer stares down at the shot in front of him, clearly questioning whether or not he should go along with this.

"You don't really have to, Spence. But I thought I'd at least try. I don't want you to have to be all alone over here. And I think you might actually have fun, if you gave it a chance. Plus, I can't dance at all! So you'll be fine as long as you stick with me."

This causes him to chuckle. He looks up at you. "Thanks, Y/N. I do appreciate it. I think everyone else has just kind of given up on asking me to join. But since you care enough to try I guess it's the least I can do."

"Woo! yes! Okay...bottoms up?" You look to him as the two of you clink your shots and down them in one quick motion. He seems to struggle a bit more after, since he doesn't do this often.

You hear Dirty Sexy Money comes on and your eyes light up with excitement. "Yes! This is a great song! Come on!" You grab his hand and lead him out to the dance floor.

You can tell Spencer is a bit unsure of himself still. You grab both of his hands and start to move him around, just trying to get him to loosen him. Both of you can't help but laugh. Neither of you are actually dancing well, just goofing off and having fun. Alcohol leaves you with more confidence than usual, so you're singing the song out loud, not caring who hears. You feel your confidence building even more. The problem with drinking is, you tend to get a bit flirty. This is usually directed at the nearest person, and it's usually the worst possible person. You begin to stop caring who's watching or how you're coming across. The song makes you feel sexy and you want to have fun.

Your dancing changes from silly to sexy as the chorus begins. You've got your hands in the air as you do body rolls. Your hips are swaying with the music. You're not sure how they got there, but before you know it your hands are wrapped around Spencer's neck. He looks so attractive to you right now. Your eyes stay locked on his as you sing the words of the song. You're feeling even more bold so you turn your back to him and grab his hands to place them on your sides. You shimmy down towards the ground and back up again. You feel him tighten his grip on you. You turn around to see a wide-eyed Spencer. His face is beet red and he's sweating despite not having danced much. You know that if this was bothering him, he would have walked away. The alcohol is keeping you from caring how this will affect your friendship afterwards. All you can think about is now. His words, his actions today, HE had made you feel confident and sexy. In this moment, you wanted him to know that. You're too buzzed and too busy taking in how good he looks to notice his eyes dart down to your lips, not so differently from what you had done earlier.

The thick tension in the air between you is quickly dispensed as the song changes. As Last Friday Night comes on, you pull Spencer over to the rest of the group on the dance floor, which now included Derek. The five of you end up singing and dancing around together, but you and Spencer can't help but stealing glances when the other isn't looking. Neither of you can forget what happened earlier. The other three share knowing looks.

As the night comes to a close, the group parts ways. Spencer opens the door for you as the two of you step outside to head back to your apartment. Most of the walk is made in silence. He passes his car outside your building and walks with you all the way back to your door. After unlocking it, you turn to him to say goodnight. Once again, your eyes land on his lips, one of his many wonderful features. You find yourself wishing you could kiss him, but your logic tells you this would not be a good idea at the moment. You are aware that your judgment is clouded. So instead, you pull him in for a hug. He buries his face in your shoulder as he whispers "Goodnight Y/N" next to your ear.

You rush inside and close the door before you have a chance to do anything you regret. After getting ready for bed, you are surprised to hear a small alert from your phone. It's a little late for anyone to be texting you. It's Spencer.

Spencer📱I had fun tonight. Thanks for making me try new things. :)

Y/N📱Me too! And good because I have a feeling that was a first of many haha

You fall into your bed, crawling under the covers. It feels comfier than usual, but you know it's because of how tired you are. You take in the feeling of the slick sheets against your skin and the warmth the blankets provide. You fall asleep with a smile on your face, remembering all the events of the night.

A/N: Thanks for reading this far! Y'all are awesome! Let me know what parts you like best!

Have a wonderful week loves 💖

[urslasherbaby]

Could you do a Thomas Hewitt nsfw alphabet ?

My very first ask! Hope you like it 😊🥩🧡

Thomas Hewitt NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Oh, Tommy is just the biggest sweetheart after you two make love. He wants to make sure you’re taken care of and alright before either one of you goes to sleep for the night. He’ll especially get nervous if you guys got a little rough (no matter how many times you tell him you liked it). 

B = Body Part (Their favorite part of their own body and their S/O’s)

His favorite body part on him would have to be his arms. To him, they’re most important because they let him do what he does best. He also loves it when you trace circles over his forearms when you two cuddle. “You’re my big, strong man, aren’t you?” you’d say, and watch him blush from ear to ear.

 His favorite body part on you... well maybe it doesn’t count as a body part, but Thomas loves playing with your hair any chance he gets. When it's cut short, he’ll pet you and run his fingers through it, whispering how pretty it looks. He likes it best when you grow it out though. He’d play with it for hours if you didn’t stop him, and honestly, it’s so cute... would you? He’ll even go out of his way to learn how to braid and put flowers into it.

C = Cum (Anything to do with it really… I’m a disgusting person)

Thomas really can’t help but cum inside of you whenever you two are together. He just gets too excited and your cunt feels so good clenching around him. He apologized the first few times but got so happy when you told him you liked it too. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Being a part of the family means that you’ll have to help around with the chores around the farm. So when you’re gone, Thomas will sneak into your room and go through your clothes, holding the soft fabric to his skin and inhaling your scent like it’s the only good thing in the world. He always feels a little afterward, so if he ever gets super affectionate all of a sudden, you can guarantee what he was up to while you were gone.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Poor guy didn’t know anything before you came. He’d never felt comfortable toying with the women he and his family caught (they were for meat anyway). So when you expressed your “interest”, safe to say he was more than a little scared. But ease him into it all and watch him turn into an eager puppy ready to please.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying, will probably include a visual)

He loves to watch you ride him, looking up at your gorgeous body coming undone all because of him. Thomas just can’t help but paw at your chest while they’re bouncing up and down on his length. Sometimes he’ll get over-excited, grab onto your waist, and start pumping his cock faster and deeper into your pussy until you’re both cumming in a matter of seconds. Then, of course, come the apologies.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

It’s not that he’s necessarily silly in bed, but almost childlike. There are times, of course, when his needs get the better of him, but most of the time he’dn rather just hold you while you talk to him and tell him how good he is. Sometimes it’ll be hard to even get a straight answer out of him. “Bubba... do you want to play with me?” Even when he nods enthusiastically, you still have to be the one to come to him.

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Thomas is far and away from a “manscapper”. He’s got some seriously unruly hair down there that you’ll have to deal with if it becomes a problem. Teaching him how to shave and take care of himself will be an ordeal since he doesn’t really see the point in it, but if you tell him how much you’d prefer it, he’ll be ready to shave in a heartbeat.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

Tommy is especially soft while you two are together, and tries his hardest to be everything you want him to be. He’ll pick flowers from the gardens, let you eat before him, and won’t ever act violently in front of you. During the moment, he’ll want to be as gentle as he can, only being rough when you ask for it.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Thomas just can’t help himself, the poor boy. You’re just so pretty, and when you get undressed and ready for bed, he can see those beautiful curves of yours and... well, he has to take care of it somehow. This man gets hard just at the mere thought of you, and chasing you down every time it happens would be detrimental to you both, so he’ll just stop what he’s doing, run off to your shared bedroom, and stroke himself until he cums. Of course, this still happens about three or four times a day.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

It’s pretty easy to say how much Thomas loves to hear you praise him. Sometimes it’ll be as simple as saying he looks good while getting dressed in the morning to whispering how much you love his cock filling you up so well in bed. Either one can get him going enough to where he’s practically begging for “playtime”.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

As shy as Thomas usually is, he won’t do anything sexual unless it’s in your guys’ bedroom. On very rare occasions when you two are taking a walk out in the woods where no one can really see you, you’ll try and tease him by stroking his big arms or pressing your boobs up against him. In those very special cases, he’ll pin you against a tree and start grinding against you.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Thomas loves it when you talk dirty to him. “Oh, you’re such a good boy for me, baby... touch me right there, sweetheart... right... yes! Oh, god, I love the way you make me feel, Bubba!” He’ll come apart in no time the more you goad him on. He also loves watching you touch yourself. Sometimes, you’ll leave the door open on purpose just as you’re calling out his name while rubbing your clit. You’re literally begging him to come and join you.

N = No (Something they wouldn’t talk about, turn-offs)

He won’t ever do anything that intentionally hurts you: no choking or hitting of any kind. He gets nearly inconsolable when you have to see that side of him and wants to stay a good boy for you. He also doesn’t like talking about his family that much. He’ll be more than grateful for you defending him or patching him up when Drayton gets really upset, but Thomas only wants to keep things happy with the person who makes him happiest.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Thomas would much rather give than receive. He may not have much experience, but that tongue of his holds a lot of natural talent. He loves to watch your face as he tongues long stripes up and down your cunt. How you scream his name and roll your eyes back when he starts sucking on your clit... it’s everything to him. 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) 

Normally, Thomas wants to go as slow as possible while being with you. He wants to revel in the experience for as long as he possibly can. That also means you’ll be writhing and begging him for more, which he is all too happy to give you. He has no problem being a bit rough with you so long as you’re willing to plead with him.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) 

Thomas would much rather have proper sex with you but will take anything you’re willing to give him. He especially likes it when you take control and give him a blowjob right in the middle of choring. Just seeing you on your knees like that, making him feel so good--it’s enough to throw you over his shoulder and take you back inside the house.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Not so much. He’s still a pretty traditional guy who just wants to make you feel good. He’s totally willing to learn, but anything too adventurous might scare him off. But the risk may be worth the rewards if you can push him. After all, that is how he learned how much he loved going down on you.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last)

He can go maybe once or twice before having to take a long rest, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be going anywhere soon. For one, he’ll make sure you’re well and taken care of before he even enters you. But once he does, he’ll pump into you slow and deep before losing control and going faster and faster listening to your screams of pleasure all the while.

T = Toy (Do they own/use toys? On themselves or their partner?)

He doesn’t mind you using them, in fact, he’s fascinated whenever you use vibrators on yourself. It’s so cute seeing his head tilt as you rub a wand up and down your pussy. Eventually, he will get excited and will rip the toy out of your hands, finishing you off on his own. 

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)

Thomas couldn’t tease you to save his life. His childlike nature makes him show his emotions off too easily. The closest he can get is when he’s especially worked up. He’ll paw at your body and grope you everywhere from your chest to your ass. He’ll grind against your leg like a puppy in heat, and he won’t stop until you take care of him.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) 

Thomas is either very quiet or very animated. When he’s able to take it slow with you and be gentle, he’ll grunt and moan along with you. But when he gets rough and starts pistoning his hips into you, you can hear him mutter under his breath “mine...mine...so pretty...”

W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Our Thomas is a pretty big guy and easily dwarfs you with his stature. One night while you two were getting ready for bed, you realized you forgot to do the laundry and ran out of nightgowns. You decided to just borrow one of Thomas’ shirts and laughed at how tiny you looked. When he saw you, he got so happy he insisted that you wore his shirts to bed every night.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what going on in those pants, pictures or words)

It’s pretty average at five inches, but it’s thick and girthy--enough to fill you up just right.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He’s basically a teenager: both incredibly horny at any given time yet inexperienced and nervous. He knows that all he has to do is ask, but years of abuse and not being able to express himself properly means that you’ll have to instigate things. 

Z = ZZZ (How quickly will they fall asleep afterward?)

Thomas usually has an insane amount of energy, but sex with you can really take it out of him. He’s giving every once of himself to you and it shows by how quickly he passes out next to you.

[trixcuomo]

Love Games

Up next on Desperate Alts’ Lives... Horde B celebrity Trixany Cuomo has finally pulled the lever to A-status, and now it’s like she’s fallen down into a black rabbit hole of gossip and dangerous glam, chasing her dreams. Is this it? Has Trix finally gone too far? One of her friends must be able to save her, but which are the right friends? Haris Pilton? Sig Nicious? Her Night Elf buddy Sharpen? Hopeless causes tend to want dark angels...

Jet black. Haris Pilton thought her once rival in all things, business, modeling, performing, climbing the Silvermoon City social ladder—Trixany Cuomo, soon to be Mrs. Sig Nicious—that Trixany would go with red for her own gossip closet. A cheery, and also dangerous color. But when they were done looking through Haris’s swatches months ago, under their new starlette truce of course, Trixany wanted her gossip closet in complete, knockout black.

Today, Trixany’s hand was on the lever, she just hadn’t pulled it yet this morning. First, she needed to gather all her targets. Haris’ pink knob was honestly so… odd. But Trixany chose a literal disco stick that reminded her of one of her favorite performers of all time. The part at the top was a classic disco ball with large tiles of glossy silver. The effect was going to take over the whole room whenever she was ready to ‘pull the lever!’ The first time she’d done it at Haris’ place was so fun, it was addicting. Yes, so wonderfully addicting.

Trixany crossed legs in her matching leather catsuit. The worker Gnomes with jumpsuits also piped in silver along the smart curves of their bodies? Still asleep. Trixany liked to get up before even they did.

She sat alone inside of the shell at the center of the room. Well, it was raised up for now, or else she wouldn’t be able to see or hear anything. The noise-cancelling, black ASMR shell-that-was-totally-not-like-any-other-famous-villain’s-personal-sanctuary-globe-thing-for-legal-reasons had its uses, just not right now. STNLAOFVPSGTLR or Stan’s Laff Vapors Get’er was a fascinating piece of technology engineered for relaxing starlettes exclusively. So it was perfect for a certain Horde B celebrity. Gotta love quirky Gnomish technology. The laugh vapors weren’t working so at the moment. They were also supposed to help her forget her stressors. Running low… White steam raised from the top of the shell and escaped through the gear-like teeth around the edges, wafting to the ceiling.

Gnomish technology to make you think, ten times, twenty times faster. Consider your options and get maybe twelve moves ahead of your opponent before they’re even out of bed, or grabbed their champagne brunch around 2 pm server… It was like farming for rares, from home, fast, and on felweed! But it was your frenemies you were felling.

Anyway…

The black control screens all around flickered with silent pictures of Trixany wannabes with their rip-off looks or performances, rival divas secretly being watched while they slept—and before you judge, Trixany felt justified; some of them were up in their own gossip closet war rooms, scheming against her even at this hour—and if you’re a true Team Trixany fan, then you also know about the runway fashion show footage Trixany had been streaming all week. All were designs from the newly launched, joint Haris-Trix fashion line. Haris had backed it financially, Trixany had endorsed it, done the leg work promoting and wearing some of the showstoppers. They had been raking in the gold over it until recently. Both their fandoms, for once, were united on the fashion line. Well, not all of the screens were filled with saucy models on catwalks. Trixany was also observing how each new outfit was being received in the market as it was launched, while simultaneously keeping an eye—with her special lace-lensed fashion goggles—for any rip-offs. New clothing that ripped off her rip-offs, if Trixany was every forced to be very honest about how she and Haris got all the designs—but that intel would only get forced out, by Goblin lawyers tougher than her own, in some inter-factional Azeroth court of law. Technically, they weren’t stealing other people’s ideas unless they got caught…

“I can’t stand this…”

Trixanys thoughts were moving more rapidly than she could speak them or even keep track of on her own. Inside the white-hot shell, little electronic flickerings along a web of wires and lights carried them away instantly, recorded them. The rest of the room was dark, so dark… But inside, Trixany was alone with her thoughts. Just merely thinking that she might sue someone for stealing her brand was stored in a databank the moment it occurred to her. A list of commands that would be sent to the ends of Azeroth to the Goblin lawyers, Horde or Alliance pop icons. (Don’t let them tell you Thrall doesn’t consider himself a Horde A celebrity… his gossip closet was rumored to be done over in the hides of his slain enemies, where no one could see of course.) And of course there were a clutch of thugs ready to ‘handle’ anyone normal out there without real connections. Quick, dirty, cheap.

That was the last bit of advice Trixany grudgingly took from Haris Pilton before she mastered the art of ‘gossip watching’ for herself. Before the student became the master. Now, on Screen Five, Trixany observed Haris in her bubblegum pink dressing robes having tea with her breakfast. Actually Haris had been doing that, and elegantly, for a while. A stray thought wondered if Haris had somehow found out about Trixany’s global network of hidden scrying orbs and had set up video loop clips at certain parts of the day when she didn’t want to be observed. And they were supposed to be the best of business partners…

A new, bright white bead of light raced around inside the shell and disappeared behind Trixany’s black chair. Screen Ninety-Eight suddenly flickered on and pulled up a list. White text against a lovely, rich dark screen. The words ‘Check up on Haris, the brat…’ already printing on a new line.

On mornings like this one, Trixany felt more Gnomish tech than woman. Sunlight… what a nice memory. Though they said something odd with the Scourge was going on outside these days. Maybe that was the real reason profits from their fashion line were slowing down? Who knew?

Trixany was a Blood Knight, had the skills of any paladin, she should have a lot of work to do with the Knights of the Blood Nexus, shouldn’t she? Shouldn’t Lady Liadrin call on her then? And beyond that, when was the last time she’d gone for a stroll—well, without Silvermoon paparazzi around her and Sig. And Sig? Sig Nicious, her fiancée… he kept postponing their wedding.

“You’re my butterfly, but it’s taking you ages to come out of your cocoon, do you understand? You’re not ontop of this celebrity stuff, Trix. I love you, but you’re just not there yet. You and Haris Pilton are friends now, why don’t you ask her for more advice? We need this to be a marriage of equals.”

Then Trixany’s own voice, it felt more like it haunted her above the constant jealous, scheming thoughts, it resurfaced. “No. I can’t do this…”

Trixany inhaled deeply of the white vapors, shut her eyes, shut off her deeper consciousness. Just a few more hours of this and she would finally be caught up with everyone else. Maybe ahead.

Caught up… Didn’t she used to like running, catching up with friends on long sunny walks? That time Sharpen took her to Highmountain, hiking so far her calves felt they would burn from sun and walking, she swore to him that they would, but he was too far ahead to hear her. Hear her catching up, catching her breath… that adorable fool.

A Night Elf man was suddenly there in her mind. Sharpen had carefully braided hair, long braids that fell over his broad shoulders. First in green, then in bright blue—he was wearing a “CYANS HAVE MORE FUN” t-shirt in one of her memories—and at last, his hair washed to a rich pink in her mind. Trixany knew all the shades Sharpen was trying these days, she’d kept track of them all, knew the brand, the shade, how many were left in stock…

Screen Fifty-Two flickered on, white lines over a dark surface, suddenly filling with numbers and a silent white web of locations united by lines on a map as a simple display of Alliance lands started to slide by. Trixany had wanted to know what her Night Elf friend’s new hair color would be, just a whim—but the gossip closet was already running the numbers, making a mathematical projection. Based on the number of colors left in the shops Sharpen frequented, the price point he usually aimed for, the favorite colors he was usually wearing.

“Forecast… 90 percent…Black.”

“Black? Really? Sharpen’s such an upbeat guy.”

Trixany hated knowing that. It depressed her. So her friend, who never had much money, who was just curious enough to try new things, not that he’d do it for a living and consult someone like she would… Sharpen was going to run into a wall soon with all the other options he’d tried, because cyan was his preferred shade of all the blues, and he’d already gone with the closest shade of pink-red her liked on his spectrum, and going back to green was too close to his natural color… The machine was printing all this detail as part of its proof… So he would feel bold—think himself just as bold as when he chose pink--and settle on black to surprise his friends. Black like her gossip closet. Black like… some big, empty hole. Trixany could no longer think it through. So she already knew what he was going to do? No surprises, no spontaneity? No reason to talk to him. She no longer had to see him to know what he was doing. It wasn’t required. He was a blip on a screen. And when was the last time she’d spoken to Sharpen, the real Sharpen?

What had he told her? Something silly about animals. Her eye twitched, she curled a fist as she remembered it. “Spiders aren’t supposed to be caught in their own webs, Trix. All these morsels you’ve ever wanted… they’re right there around you. Fixed in your web, you can have them all. But you’re still not happy. Shouldn’t you know why not? Can’t you tell? The old you would have just handled it, she doesn’t—or didn’t take anyone’s crap, whether from some monster down in a dungeon or… the well-dressed blonde bombshell kind.”

“Wait, do you mean Haris Pilton or Siggy?”

Sharpen shook his head at her, “Who are you, anymore?”

And what had she said in response to that? Sig was away from the dinner table at the moment, taking a call on his comm. “I don’t eat bugs, Sharpen.”

“No, but you do like to slay things. You like to find targets and take them out. Fix things for yourself and people, for the world, hell—for the Horde, however you think that still helps thew world. You have a sense of justice, or you did. You like to sit down after a battle, smile at how you’ve helped. But now you just look miserable. You even look unwell—”

“MAYBE BECAUSE I DON’T EAT BUGS LIKE SOME STUPID NIGHT ELF!”

Sharpen and Trixany hadn’t spoken to each other since. It was a bad, tragic gaffe to make at a busy, high-tone Dalaran restaurant. It was like… it built up and built up from… she didn’t know where. And then, like a volcano, the stupid, stupid senseless things she said just exploded out of her. Violent in its own way. It blew a hole clear through a friendship.

Trixany rubbed at the bridge of her nose. That time she and Sig took Sharpen out to dinner in Dalaran… Because Trixany had missed him. Because Trixany had hopped on a motorcycle and blown out of her own engagement party in Silvermoon City, at Sig’s place. Sig’s fancy place with all his perfect friends, all that flawless life. The pressure should have been off, she’d made it. She wasn’t a B-woman. She was A-grade. Like meat. No, an alpha, on top. She was a singer, and he was a singer too. Both of them were good people, actually decent. And he liked her, genuinely. It really felt like the lead singer of the Elite Tauren Chieftans loved her, truly, so why was she so distressed? Why did it feel like she couldn’t get a breath at times…

Trixany inhaled again, breathed deeply a few more times though it felt like she was panicking. “Why! Why is this happening to me?”

This was all she ever wanted, just like Sharpen had said. But it felt like things were hooked into her instead. Bleeding her dry. Trixany always assumed she would feel… filled up.

Filled up with things.

Things.

About forty models of all races, Orc, Goblin, Forsaken, Draenei, Gnomes, women and men of all races strutted in time across her control screens. Surely, they all had different music at their particular fashion shows. But fashion models all seemed to have the same unnerved strut. Now she saw it. They were all terrified of falling, of looking stupid. But they were charging through it while ignoring themselves. Completely disregarding their own fears, that they were hungry or tired, tired of all of it. Or, even if they loved what they did, it didn’t show in their faces nor their movements.

Maybe later. When it was all off, they could be themselves and just smile. Nobody smiled that they liked it while on stage in front of everyone, selling what was on their bodies. First rule of modeling. Since she got her start… in Goblin Gentleman’s Magazine of all places, that was always the rule. She would know. It’s not about you. It’s about what’s on you. Not what’s in you.

Never in.

“What if I’m just a pig inside?” Trixany frowned. “Scrying orb, play Gaga—”

The intercom interrupted what she was saying. A metallic sort of gnome’s voice said, “Visitor for Miss Cuomo.” Trixany hadn’t the heart to change her name over to Mrs. Nicious yet, when things honestly weren’t going well in that area of her life. He kept calling her his ‘butterfly’ yet she was still being treated like some slimy bug stuck in its pod… cocoon  thing.

“What level?”

“Popularity level three—”

“Oh, well then I don’t have the time.”

“Security level 50. Guest is Coco Cuomo.”

Her step-sister. Well what did Coco want? She rarely visited. “Let her in. And I still want you to play Gaga. Play Swine.”

As soon as the door slid open and the short green Goblin calling herself Coco Cuomo looked up and heard her new theme music, she frowned.

“Yeah, I know who’s a swine alright.” The little lime-colored Goblin girl smirked at her Blood Elf sister. Trixany stuck out her tongue.

“Um, can you at least turn down Gaga squealing out that ‘I’m so disgusting’ down a smidge? I came with some important business, you know.”

“Well, I should have assumed it would be about that. More Kaja-Cola crap? I thought I made it clear I was done with them--”

“Yeah right, when they were the ones who fired you? And who are yous, hangin’ out in hea like Darth Vader himself? Mrs. Hot-shot Sig Nicious herself, I see.”

“It’s not technically named for him so I can’t get sued—”

“Enough of this nonsense!” Coco threw her hands up. “This is exactly why I’m hea, you’re totally obsessed! When is your wedding even? Unless you’re really that low ya gonna invite the whole family and not me.”

Trixany snapped her sass-mouth shut, for now. “Sig and I are doing our best to make this… adjustment. I’m not used to being so famous.”

Coco just stared at her Blood Elf step-sister for a while.

“Swiiiiiiiine! Swiiiiiiiiiiiine!” The music started to rev up as if something was about to explode in that black gossip chamber Trixany had sealed herself in, like an enchanted tomb.

“Paint her face and, paint his face and, be a swine for… just the weekend!”

Coco erupted with new emotion, “People are dyin’ out thea, Trixany! And you’re in here plotting some… starlette’s destruction? I been trying and callin and sendin’ messenger pigeons up here for a week almost, so finally I had to come myself. I thought somethin’ real bad happened to you, all I wanted was to get you to hand over the damn Kaja-Cola Fiesta Lime contract for a damn good cause, I don’t care if you fell out with the Kaja-Cola Girls. I need your surplus stash a’ cans!”

Trixany just blinked at her. Three screens over Coco’s head started running a program, but kept coming up with repeating blank lines.

“Trixany, you really haven’t heard? You’ve truly been ignorin’ all the sufferin! We’re trying to FEED thirsty people on the front lines against the Scourge!”

“Oh. Well… I had heard whispers of that trending.”

“Trending? You’re supposed to be a PALADIN! Scourge slayer by birth or something. But you’re out here ruinin’ lives of the uppercrust like there ain’t a bottom to the pie—what’s happened to my sista! What is WRONG with you?”

“…You can’t feed thirsty people?”

“But I can bust up a thirsty trick!” Coco brandished an arclight spanner at Trixany.

“What did you just call me?? And how did you come in here armed?”

Now Coco was screaming it, “I don’t have a sista anymore. I can’t take it, I can’t stand it! You’re goin ta the Shadowlands to help with the fight, if I gotta killa ya and send you there myself! Then, Coco charged Trixany’s villainess globe, making her wild Kezani warcry.

“Yer just a pig inside a Blood Elf body! Time for you to squeal out!!”

[nighttimepixels]

Heyhey Night! I have a buncha questions after seeing all your animations and they're just so cool so! I hope this is ok!! Can u animate normally too, or only pixel? Not that that's bad, just wondering! What's ur preferred kinda animation? Do u prefer lipflaps or lipsyncs? What's the hardest part of the animation process?? What's ur favorite?? Any part u don't like? What's a thing people don't see that u put a lotta time into? Do u have a fave animation u've done? Thank u btw for all ur art!!

Oh stars, okay, yeah- I’m happy to answer all these!! I’ll break them up so it’s easier to read X) And awww geez thank you so much for your support, sweet anon! It really makes my day when people say they like anything I’ve made, and stars knows it’s all the more true with the sweet sweet time sink that is animation   (´•̥̥̥\\ヮ\\•̥̥̥` )

I’ll also put this under a cut since it gets a bit long :)

Can u animate normally too, or only pixel?

This one cracks me up a little, don’t worry about it XD I totally can! In fact I enjoy it a lot - and... gods, animation software is a nightmare and a half, to be honest. That’s the biggest hurdle.

I do just straight up love pixel art and the aesthetic I can achieve with it, but I do at times miss ‘normal’ (non pixel?) animation, heh. Especially sound-syncing! I do all my pixel art in Asesprite which imo is the best pixel art program, not to mention made by an actual pixel artist - buuuut it doesn’t have a sound file option. Which makes sense! Er, frankly, most pixel artists wouldn’t... use it to animate like I do? More for games, or for looping gifs? So I can’t complain much, it makes a lot of sense that it’s a low dev priority.

Now, when it comes to other animation programs... I’ve tried a lot. Unfortunately, the ones that are preferable for the feel I like are either way out of budget (stares at TVPaint in the distance) or... well, have too high a learning curve for my single-person workflow, really. (OpenToonz, sigh...) And a lot of the free programs are good for getting a start in animation, but once you get to a certain point you really feel the limitations (whether it’s workflow, sound import, exports, trying to make something more finished than a rough...).

Then... there’s animation programs I just don’t like, and a lot of those are angled towards bone-style animations (nothing wrong with those, they just don’t fit my style? and are too much time investment for a single artist to output more quickly...), or are, well, freakin’ Adobe Animate.

I... gods, I do not like Animate (formerly Flash). And I made a whole 2 minute+ animation in it a couple years ago! (It’s very rough and bad and doesn’t make sense, pfff, not gonna link it XD) It’s... clunky, and vector oriented, and freaking lines don’t go where I want them too, and it tries to predict too much?? It’s hard to put to words, gah. For me, my animation style would be much more... raster oriented. Flow, hand drawn inbetweens, yaddayadda. Animate’s great for... plenty of things, but not for that kind of animation. There are far better animators than I who make it work with freakin’ aplomb though! So really, it’s just my taste, haha.

.... Er, that got long! I’ll cut off more rambling about animation software and tl;dr boil it down to “I love animating period, but turnaround is something I have to keep in mind as a freelancer, as well as budget, and my current focus is pixel animations for a number of reasons.” X)

What's ur preferred kinda animation?

I’m not exactly sure what this one means! Between pixel and non-pixel? Er, they both have their pros and cons, so I couldn’t say! But if I have to break down my current animations into categories, I’d say I have cutscenes, loop environments, and the broad game-like animations...

The first would be something like this animation feat. teasing Edge, the second would be something like this one with skesgo’s Starlan and Cinnamon, and the third is... everything else! From headsprite loops to ‘small’ characters running and so on.

Honestly, they’re all a lot of fun for different reasons! Cutscenes are generally the most challenging, but they give me the chance to push my limits and try and pull off something cool, whether I’m having to conserve frames (to keep the cost of a commission down) or whether I’m going more all out (which is a pricey commission, or a fun personal project, lol).

Loop environments are their own challenge - it may not look like it, but I put a lot of thought into how to make them look as natural as possible! From timing of talking characters, to where to place a blink, to exactly how many frames it’ll take to ‘soften’ a motion (so people aren’t just snapping between major poses) and so on - it takes... a lot of time to animate even simple scenes well, so I do a lot of mental math on how I can keep things affordable when someone approaches me for a commission. And frankly, I totally undercharge;; but I do my best!

Game-like animations are just fun. They range, they’re silly, to intense (I’ve animated fight animations before for game concepts), to indulgent, and beyond! Headsprites are always a delight, especially if I get to push the expression X) and I love tiny things (I mean... I am a pixel artist...) so getting to make lil tiny babs even just walking can be fun - and also, a lot more time consuming than you might thing, esp if you wanna make it smooth, like this lil Frisk I did last month or so:

Do u prefer lipflaps or lipsyncs?

oTL

B... both??

Okay, lipsyncing basically is very time consuming. AND, I freakin’ love it. I love puzzles, and when it boils down to it, that’s what super fun & expressive lip syncing is (some Ghibli animations are the heckin’ best for this)...

and, I’m a pixel artist, without sound-syncing capabilities in her main art program oTL Yeah, I can export frames and line them up and check but... gods, it’s so time consuming. I’ve tried it out of desperation - but for even five seconds of sound (sayyyyy a lil Vine...) that’s hours upon hours of transferring back and forth just to check.

So even though I love lipsyncs, they’re too time-consuming (and ergo, if I’m being commissioned, often too expensive) to do often! Someday I’d like to get back to doing them more often, but for now, practically I stick to/’prefer’, in the loosest terms, to do lipflaps. For the layman, this is that ‘two frame’ (maybe three) open-closed style of animating mouths- however, I’m working on ways to keep that style, but make it more expressive! It depends on the project - and in commissions, I’ll pretty much always prioritize giving the client a little more body animation than mouth animation, unless it’d really fit what they’ve requested.

What's the hardest part of the animation process??

.... damn, this is a tough one! Sometimes I’d say it’s the initial concept work - but it depends on what I have to work with. Sometimes that parts a breeze - and honestly freeing, bc I can take the time to try and push what I’ll do with it!

Roughing is one of my favorite parts, tbh. It can be tricky, sure, but getting to go from keyframes to in-betweens & smears to adding the flairs of secondary motion (think hair swishing, or coats flaring, etc) is so exciting and satisfying.

From there it’s all refining, and tweaking...

Hm. Honestly, the hardest is probably the initial cleanup and lining. It’s cool to see it come together, but it feels so much slower, and it can drag - and then you find bits that actually don’t translate well from the rough stage, so you have to go back and rework, and oof it can just drag in this phase, heh. Plus, I’m always tempted to add more frames, but it’s not always realistic - I’m a perfectionist, to say the least, so I’m constantly having to leash myself back so I don’t turn a project into a half-a-year undertaking, pff.

What's ur favorite??

Probably gave myself away talking about the roughing stage X) It’s just loose and fun and free! But seeing it all come together is also damn satisfying too, so that’s not to say I don’t like the refining portions either...

Outside of that, I also really like the beginning of the color stage! .... Before having to translate shadows/highlights to each and every frame *shudders*. That gets tedious, but it’s so critical! Anyways, though, I heckin’ love colors. I always have a rough palette in mind at the start of the process, but I go ham and play with it as a little break and a true test when I get to actual slap together a full frame with full color, highlights/shadows included! It’s exciting, like a preview of the finished product, basically :D

Any part u don't like?

Heh, by the time I get to shadows/highlights, I tend to be getting impatient, I suppose. It’s not that I don’t like it - I definitely highly value it, and if it was the only thing I was working on in an animation that’d be different, but as a one-woman team I’m just raring to be done at that point; it’s very nearly the last thing I do, after all, so it’s a struggle to focus. X)

I suppose one that always gets me is more complicated backgrounds. It’s a work in progress, as I’m getting better and finding the fun in them for sure! But I’m still not where I want to be in translating ‘background concept’ to ‘finished background’ - it feels more stiff than my animations, I guess. So it’s a frustrating part... but hey, it’s part of it! And learning to embrace the challenge is a big help.

... I just always have to make sure I have a big cup of coffee and a good jam playlist going when I sit down to do ‘em, in the meantime.(=▿= ||||)

What's a thing people don't see that u put a lotta time into?

Definitely the coloring. This goes for both backgrounds and the animated characters themselves. It’s... never as simple as it looks? It’s time consuming, and while some parts of frames can be copy-pasted, I also put subtle work into the animations that mean that some pixels are off so it ends up being marginally faster to just recolor, but then there’s shadows, and working in pixels means that if I miss one then there’s a flickering pixel mid-animation, and sometimes there’s an unconnected line and then you bucket fill the whole damn thing, and gods know I’ve got colored lines so I have to be exacting with keeping the same ratios highlighted vs darker in shifting frames...

*deep breath*

... Yeah, basically the coloring is super time consuming. And balancing bg coloring with animated elements in the image itself is a whole extra challenge on top of that. For 99% of my animations, I can damn near guarantee I’ve spent at least twice as much time coloring it as I have animating it.

Do u have a fave animation u've done?

*looks at my goblin hoard of animations in horror like I’ve been asked to choose a favorite child*

... Stars above, I can’t choose! I love them all, and at this point a good portion of them are commissions- it wouldn’t feel right to choose!

*...carefully covers the hoard’s metaphorical ears*

... also, that said, I can admit a soft spot for any of them that involve humor. I tend to get to do extremely expressive faces and action there, even if I have to ration the frames, so it turns out really fun X)

And though rough and I’ve definitely done stuff I’m more proud of, I still crack up at this one I did a while back of the nonsense ‘ass’ joke between Red & Stretch... their faces were too much fun XD I’ve gotten waybetter since then though, Big Oof, I see so many things I can fix; might go back and redo it someday.

Honestly, though, I just freakin’ love animating! They all have their ups and downs andI always put a lot of love into them and find a way to have fun with it and try to push any emotion/theme (when applicable). I like to think it shows, but idk, that’s something I have to leave up to you guys X)

[cryptidofthekeys]

Its another tf2 oc and im not ashamed

Let me break it down to y’all how this happened, so basically- I wanted a mafia-esque spy character but then my brain decided ok mafia mans is coolio BUT WHAT IF... t e n t a s p y mafia boss man? And voila here this fucker is

Name: Alphonse Blanchard | Titles/Nicknames: The Spy, Boss which usually his "partners" call him that, or just call him Alphonse, only ONE person can call him AL, anyone else tries it and well it wont be a very pleasant experience | Gender: Male | Species/Race: Used to be a normal human, now he's a Tentaspy- a m o n s t e r. | Age: 49s/50s | Occupation: Even tho he's got the title of The Spy n such- he's p much teechnically a Mafia Boss- b i g boss man for sure- | Height: When he was human he was about 5'7", but now he's 8'9" (nearly 9ft) | Eye Color: His eye color when he was human was a Steel Gray color, his eyes are now a Charcoal color (mostly for their meanings n stuff), his pupils are also slit ones now. | Hair Color: (even though most of his face except for his eyes and mouth are covered by a balaclava and you'd most likely never see him without his mask on, his hair color is black with grey streaks in the sides of it, however for the record- his hair is VERY tidy and slicked back) | Appearance: Now, not much changes tbh- except... he cant wear pants bc of the tentacles on his lower half but I'll get to those in a minute, he wears v e r y fancy and HIGHLY expensive suits, only the f i n e s t of clothing for him, usually he wears dark gray or black suits but he does have other colors- their just ALL dark colors, he likes the appeal of black or gray colors- and he d e f i n i t e l y loves the meaning behind them, they fit him so well... He also wears fedoras, he has some rings (you know the ones- the ones that some mafia characters or just big shots in general tend to wear- yeaah, his biggest ring and the one he usually wears has a skull on it-), and he of course has a circle beard, oh and he has a lot of scars both on his upper human body and his tentacles even, just- gettin that outta the way right quick- now onto his more monstrous features... For starters, let's get the simple one out of the way, he DOES have claws now, long sharp black claws to be more specific- his tentacles are pitch black on top with Smoke Gray tiger-like stripes going down them his underbelly is also Smoke Gray color- and oh boy... here's the most complex thing- his teeth, while all his teeth are p much bear trap teeth, his lateral incisors both top and bottom are longer kinda like vampire teeth or something like that ya know, his actual canines both top and bottom ones along with his first AND second premolars (again both the top ones AND the bottom ones are actually curved (kinda like an anaconda's in a way- p much- just- hooked teeth, perfect for hooking onto prey and not letting go if need be) | Personality: Oh b o y well, where to even begin with this motherfucker? He's narcissistic as hell "I k n o w I'm handsome, yes~" and god forbid you compliment him or anything- bc with e v e r y compliment, every good thing said about him his ego inflates and grows tenfold, even if you say bad shit about him- he don't give a fuck- as long as it doesn't affect his reputation then you'll be fine! He'll just pay no mind to petty insults or anything, at first- insults calling him a monster n anything similar bothered him, it made him feel sick every time someone had used those insults but now? Now... While he would MUCH prefer to have legs again (its honestly just bc its easier to walk around with legs than tentacles), he e m b r a c e s the fact he's a monster, he knows there's no reversing this, if there was- he would... he wouldn't go OUT of his way for it BUT he would at the very least TRY  to get his hands on whatever could cure this, ahem anyways- he's come to terms with what he is even if some things about it aren't... ideal... I wouldn't say he's EVIL really, he's more so a neutral unless provoked/attacked- t h e n he'll "take care" of whatever or whoever's causing the problem with NO mercy whatsoever, but other than that he can be a reasonable man, just don't piss him off, steal from him, etc- basically don't make enemies with him and you should be just fine, he isn't one for small talk or anything like that, he wants to talk business, business and m o n e y even, even if he is a fucking HIGHLY rich bastard, he always wants more- he's got a BIT of a greed streak in him for sure (that doesn't mean however he won't let others borrow money, he just expects them to pay it back in the end or sometimes... he'll use his money for ahem, undercover classified reasons...) He'll flirt with a n y o n e if they happen to catch his eye, not just ladies either- men, ladies, no gender? What the fuck ever, if he wants- he's GONNA flirt with anyone, even if it might not end in love or whatever, he doesn't? really? He doesn't really care tbh, love is alright and if it happens it happens but honestly- he's just a fucking flirty b i t c h, who loves to see that flustered look and get a reaction from the other, you'll never truly know... feelings? Maybe but probably not... (tl;dr: Flirty bitch- I wouldnt hold hopes for feelings, greed streak but isn't afraid to let others borrow money so long as they pay it back in the end- some things he uses it for are classified- p much [REDACTED] info, neutral unless provoked/attacked, no mercy nor care towards enemies- can and WILL wipe out every single one of his enemies without a single t r a c e being left behind, even tho he's a monster now and has a LOT more strength than a normal human, he still tends to use guns or knives but isn't afraid to use his monstrous features if need be, narcissistic bastardery at its finest- compliment him and watch his ego inflate! "Don't you want r e a l friends Alphonse and not just henchmen or lackeys?" "....Non, not in the slightest, absolutely disgusting to even ASSUME I need friends, I, myself am my best company, better than any friend could e v e r do" w o w- b a s t a r d energy there huh) | Side Facts: ...Truth be told, he won't e v e r forget the day he turned into... this... this t h i n g... Even if he's accepted his fate, even if he's accepted to be this monster, the memory still lingers and haunts him and his very dreams, he has nightmares about it, and its mostly due to the agonizing pain he felt d u r i n g his little "transformation", it happened one day- he was in his own medic's lab (yes, the bitch has his o w n doctor), it was a normal routine health check up his medic liked to do- the man was always harping onto Alphonse for that pesky smoking habit of his, but then suddenly, one of the rival- well, t h e y call themselves family- Alphonse only considers the people he hired to be henchmen, lackeys, OR- just employees for basic terms, but one of his rivals broke in and decided to open fire and of course, it turned into an all out gun war, Alphonse DID get shot- which is what caused him to stumble backwards into a shelf full of god knows what, after he bumped it, a few jars of weird substances had fallen onto him, after that he could feel his body twisting and contorting, he remembers the a g o n i z i n g pain he felt that day, it was worse than that mere gunshot wound that he had... Aside from the horrifying memory of what fate had befell him... He also remembers what he d i d to his little rivals... He remembers the mortified and terror-stricken look on their faces, all of them had ran- except for... their boss... so much for "family sticks together" huh, he remembers slithering over towards the boss, who- well, he tried to fire from the looks of it, but he was so terrified that he had dropped his gun, Alphonse had never seen such terror on a grown man's face like that, but he loved e v e r y. s e c o n d. until the very end, he doesn't remember what came over him in the end, maybe it was blind fury, or maybe it was just instincts, but after he did what he did... He remembers seeing the boss's head ripped off completely along with other limbs ripped off and flung across the room. Unfortunately, his suit was v e r y messy after that- He actually still keeps the boss's head preserved- almost like a t r o p h y in fact... ....Oh, your probably wondering what happened to his doctor, right? ....Well, I'll say is he's still out there, he didn't get killed- neither by the rivals nor Alphonse's instincts/fury, but truth be told... He doesn't REALLY wanna come back, he wants to stay hidden- I will say, yes- he DID see Alphonse transform, but after that he fled- part of him figured deep down that Alphonse would be v e r y angry with him since h e was technically the one who had those jars just sitting around on the shelf and he did NOT wanna stick around if that man was c r o s s with him... now whether or not Alphonse will ever encounter/find him again? ... Who knows- h e h ASIDE from all the backstory of why he turned into a Tentaspy, let's move onto things Alphonse just- likes to do in his spare time when he's not talking business n all that jazz- He usually smokes some of his cigarettes or cigars, he loves the cigars more though- he'll also do some reading in his spare time as well, or he'll listen to some calming music- sometimes he'll do all three, smoke, read, and listen to some calming music- he's not... the most exciting man, he's just usually busy- so when he's not- he'll just do those things- He'll SOMETIMES go outside and get some fresh air, usually its at night- not necessarily just bc there's l e s s people to worry about- but usually because he enjoys looking up and seeing the moonlight when its out, such a beautiful sight...

[cutegirlmayra]

Maybe a British spy shadamy prompt? I loved how you did the sonamy one!

(x wasn’t able to find the artist, if you know them, please let me know!)

based upon: Sonamy spies (x) Also, thank you =///w//n=

Prompt:

Shadow quickly adjusted a watch on his wrist, pushing back and feeling the tightening squeeze of his limiter-ring remind him of how dangerous he truly was.

He then scowled, hearing a cheery voice behind him use the palm of her hand to puff up her quills and skip up behind him.

“Alright! So all I have to do is nab the emerald and keep Sonic off your scent, right?” She prepped herself one last time, looking in the mirror directly across from Shadow, who finally turned to place his hand quietly and subtly on the mirror’s desktop in front of it.

“Let me make something very clear…” He slightly hunched over, making her look at him funny. Seeing his head dip, she suddenly realized he was annoyed, as his ears drew back and he moved in.

“Don’t…” His head swerved into her exact eye-line, scaring her enough to jolt backward slightly. “…Get in my way…”

He walked by her, letting his hand roll up from the desk as she scoffed, and wrinkled her nose.

She looked off after him, stomping her foot down and putting her hands to her hips, “Hey! I’m no bloomin’ push-over ‘ere!” she walked confidently without a bounce in her step, something he looked down at in surprise before back up at her, moving his arm away from her curved approach to stopping him dead in his tracks.

“I beg your pardon?” He rose an eyebrow.

“I was asked by your cohorts here to do you boys a favor.” She nodded her head in a figurative gesture behind him as if referring to the company he worked for, known as G.U.N.

“They explicitly stated that you couldn’t do this without my indefinite help.” She smirked then, looking back at him, and crossing her arms as she got square in his face.

He leaned back, frowning obviously… “Your forward and, frankly, unattractive personality is what’s jeopardizing this mission.” He side-mouthed the sly comment before lightly pushing passed her, his back and her arm brushing slightly as she took the insult to heart.

She pouted her lips, holding back pure emotion before bursting as she turned again. “You need me! Without me, Sonic wouldn’t let you near an emerald again after what you did!”

Shadow abruptly shifted, pivoting and storming back to her, lifting a hand to cover her mouth before fighting the urge and pulling back.

“You’re insufferable…”

“Oh, am I?”

“I had my reasons!” He found himself unable to control that light outburst, and in shame at this fact, turned his face away.

“…Rouge needs to recover.” Amy’s tone turned lighter, seeing he wasn’t completely void of real emotion now.

He started to breathe a little harder, glaring at her from the side of his face, before wiping the side of his mouth and turning back to the door.

“Just keep your gent out of my affairs…” he swung the door open, “And G.U.N will release your belongings back to you.”

“Good. I need those groceries.” Amy smiled in a cheeky manner as she skillfully reached down for a handbag and twisted it in her hand, spinning it to rotate impressively over the palm of her hand before latching onto it again. 

She then struck a mighty, feminine pose. “I’ve always had a knack for distraction.” She gave a wicked look of confidence to him, as he swayed back and paused a moment.

His eyes looked to the floor first, and then back to her.

She smiled, tilting her head and waiting for a sign that showed he didn’t really hate her as much as he was letting on.

She cutely ‘Aww’d when he didn’t react, and put her hands behind her back, swaying her hips. She then interchanged which foot she leaned on for a second, tapping the floor rapidly before he finally smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Ah-ha!” she exclaimed, pointing and moving her dress a little to hurry out the door with him, “Charming personality! Admit it! I’m charming and quite hilarious!”

“You’re hilarious, alright.” He muttered, walking on to the party before she grabbed his shoulder from behind, tripping on a copplestone.

“Wait!”

He jerked back before looking at her cautiously. “What?”

“Ugh… these blasted heels…” she had one leg up and over, almost, her other knee. Reaching down, she adjusted the heel while keeping her eyes scanning the skies… then dropping to his fancy suit.

“Woah, hold up.” She chuckled slightly and put her foot down, moving over to his tie before he moved away, looking at her strangely.

She flopped her arms down, disappointed in his distrust, before tsk’ing and pretending to fidget with her fingers.

“Umm… may I?” she cutely, with a totally sarcastic actor’s drawl, asked him.

He looked down at his tie, then to her, before fiddling with it and looking frustrated at her disapproval.

“I couldn’t… I’ve never worn the darn thing!” he looked up to see her mocking chuckle again, covering it slightly with her hand, and angrily defended himself.

He turned away as she came closer, “Look, love. It’s not as hard as it seems…”

She started to untie it and readjust it’s length around his neck, puffing his collar out to do her work.

He was at first looking away in annoyance… but as her head ducked down… he turned over to listen to what she was whispering about.

“Loop… and… You know, Shadow. You really shouldn’t act so tough around girls… It might make them think… that the things you say about them being annoying could be true.” She tightened the bow up just as his breath reached her lashes and forced her eyes to bat a moment at the rush of wind.

She dipped her head further, avoiding eye-contact but also coming to terms with this being one of the only times she’d ever been this close to him before.

“… Do you think it rude?” He asked.

“Of course I do!” she patted and pushed lightly against his chest, finishing with fixin’-and-fussin’ over his suit. The light push made her realize that his chest fur was tightly compacted behind the white of his undershirt… and this made her look back, shocked at how firm of a chest he could have.

“U-unless it’s all in good sport, as good sports go… b-but the other participant should know of the game beforehand… so that…” she looked up, seeing him not distancing himself, but holding his ground before moving closer.

He couldn’t hear her very well, so closing the gap wasn’t an issue for him to do, lowering his head to try and hear her better.

“I’m sorry?”

She tensed up, sucking up a breath of his nice cologne and upon doing so, fearfully holding her breath at her mistake.

She looked away again, turning her head slightly from his own. “I… Just so they don’t get offended, is all…” she peeked up at his face, innocent to the moment it seemed.

He turned his head in puzzled thought. “Huh.” He then began to adjust his cuffs to hide the technology on his wrist. “So,… you’re here to tell me women have sensitive feelings?”

She suddenly looked at him in surprise.

“Hmph.” He faked a contemplative thought in a slight frown that dipped too far, before disappearing as he went back to his task. “Could of fooled me.” He walked on, as Amy smiled with an open-scoff once again, storming off after him.

“Ah-! Why-! I never! Not in all my spying years-!”

“Years?” he looked over his shoulder,… smiling.

“-ever met a man as intolerable as you!”

“Intolerable?” he flapped his collar of his shirt down and smirked with absolute enjoyment. “Tell me, if I’m not allowed to play mind games with you, then why must you torment me with them?”

“Shadow!”

“What ordinance of parliament have you wiggled your silly justice rules into? And for what? That women have the sole right to annoy? Honestly, Amy. Give us some allowance to flesh it back, otherwise, cease this torture at once.” he stood by the door, flapping his suit’s jacket into place, and opening the door for her in a bow. “After you.”

She smiled in her slight bitterness at his words but promptly walked in. “When men get thicker heads!” she teased.

“When women get steelier hearts.” Shadow played back, and walked in, almost wishing he didn’t have a mission to get on too.

After all… someone needed to put that girl in her place…

He smirked, before looking up to see her friendliness with Sonic, having been invited to this soiree due to his ‘heroic deeds’ being recognized.. but Shadow immediately lost his playful bantering mood and begrudgingly turned away from the happy two’s sight and swarved through the crowds…

(I had to tweak some things to add British things, but I hope you enjoyed it. :) Also, Shadow is just playing back with her, she annoyed him for a while so that was playful revenge. haha.)

[inkofamethyst]

May 12, 2020

Day 133 of the Cute Campaign: Today was a cute day!  Since it was my last day of classes I decided to go a bit extra fancy and pulled on my striped jumpsuit (with pink/purple ombre lipstick too~).  I was honestly feeling a bit more tired than cute, but I’ve only got the next few days to push through with studying and examinations (just two, but still).  Then I can be my little cute self.

Day 61 of The Q:  Still hangin’ in there.  Happy Hospital Workers’ Week!!!  Though I’m no longer planning to enter the field of allied health, I greatly respect all of the time healthcare workers have put into their craft.  I appreciate their dedication and passion.

And now, a meme.

me: stops washing my face everyday and eats a ton of fruit roll ups

my face: breaks out

me: 

So, yeah, maybe drinking sodas (generally only one per week!) and eating sweets all the time is not helping my face.  Also, my sleep schedule isn’t very conducive to a healthy lifestyle (I know y’all have seen me posting/reblogging at 3 am) either.  I’ll figure it out.

Went to a review session today with that cute math TA and he confirmed that he is into girls (...though, he’s a whole grad student, and I’m a lowly first-year (with practically enough credits to be a sophomore, mind you!), so it has an extremely low probability of happening) which, well.  I have a feeling that we ultimately wouldn’t be compatible, but the thought is fun at least.

Update on grades: It is entirely possible for me to get an A in calc 3 and pretty much be done with mathy-math for the rest of my college career (I may take econ or stats at my local community college “just because” over a winter break if I get the chance, but that’ll be about it, I think)!  That’s weird.  To never take another math course in this sequence again.  I’ve been preparing for triple integrals and Stokes’ Theorem since I started learning addition, and now I’m never going to go farther than that.  Wack.

Update #2: I got a 99% on my chemistry project that I turned in last night.  Yes, you heard me, last night, and yes, my TA is an extremely fast grader.  That was the assignment that I was bracing for an 80% on.  The average was an 89%, by the way, so I’m still on trend at ~10% above the average scores in lecture.  They also officially added in the grade for the lab portion of the class.  Well, no curve whatsoever.  That sucks.  Unless we get a bit of a boost before final grades are submitted, I’m stuck with an 84% for that portion (in reflection... I probably should’ve dedicated a bit more time to the lab portion than I did).  That just leaves my final.  I can get as high as an A- in the class (not too shabby considering the fact that I had a B- at the beginning of the semester).  All I need is at least an 84% on the final exam.  That’s completely doable.  I’ll need to put in the time over these next few days, but it is doable.

Unfortunately, the A+ I’ve got in Anatomy 2 (and my humanities class too probably) is really not all that helpful.  The A+ at my university doesn’t give us a GPA boost, rather it counts the same as your run-of-the-mill A.  That sort of sucks, but ok.

And yeah!  Last day of freshman year classes!

Last night (late, late last night), I was scrolling down Reddit and someone had posted a video of themselves reading a story they’d written in the audiodrama subreddit.  It was a fantasy-style story, nothing especially spectacular plot-wise (cool setting though), but the style of the video was really very cool.  Well, there was no video content, just audio, but still.  The guy used sound effects when describing actions, had background music that fit the scenes, and... well, it was just really cool to see someone just starting off on their audio drama journey.  I think I might do something similar to that this summer.  I’m going to need to practice writing, voice acting, and editing, after all, so I could do all of that through little short stories that I produce and upload to YouTube.  This guy’s video was 4-5 minutes long.  I can do that.  I also realized that I need a name for my “production company of one.”  Like Kinda Evil Genius Productions or Night Vale Presents, you know?  It’ll be something that I’ll need to brainstorm, but I want it to be the name of the YouTube channel I set up, at least at the start.

This summer is going to be great.  Starting anthropology (and earning three credits in three weeks, might I add), sewing a bunch (hopefully (maybe using curtains and tablecloths from thrift stores rather than new fabric?)), creating an audiodrama (with friends, yes, but mostly just me because of all of the production stuff that I’ll be doing solo lol).

...It has occurred to me that there’s a part of me that resembles the infamous Joe Exotic.  He did everything he could do to become famous.  Traveled around with his animals, started a country music “career” on YouTube.  Created a web-show.  Starred in a reality television program (until the tapes were all burned).  He did everything within his reach to try to gain a little bit of buzz to his name.  And me?  Well, don’t I resemble a little bit of that?  I’ve done performing arts, I’ve written short stories, I wanted to be a novelist. I want to create an audio drama.  I’ve got a bit of that same desire too.  For a slice of fame, any way I can get it.

Today I’m thankful for my hand-crafted assignment journal.  It’s something that I made after finding that the regular old academic planner I’d bought wasn’t working super well for me.  So I made my own last semester, and I’ve used it ever since.  It’s inspired by bullet journal spreads, though a bit less artsy and a bit more abstract, I guess, since it’s not on the dotted paper, but plain paper.  It’s a lovely, cute little red notebook and I love it to death.  I’ll probably get another year or so out of it before I need to get another one.  Maybe this upcoming year I can try to make it a little more crafty.  Maybe I’ll start up some cute spreads for each new month, add little pages where I just list things that I like, and other little things like that.  I’m not a very doodle-y person, but I could do a collage or something.  I don’t know.  Either way, it’s really handy.  Hopefully I don’t use up too much of it this summer.

Goodnight!

[housebeleren]

Throne of Eldraine Limited - Power Commons

Throne of Eldraine card gallery went up today, so now it’s time to start evaluating cards for Prerelease! As usual, I’ll start with the Commons, trying to sort out what are going to be the highest picks and what will have the biggest impact on the format. Let’s get started.

White

It feels unusual to not start this off with some removal, but honestly this card strikes me as White’s best Common in the set. A 2/3 flier with a relevant creature type would already be an amazing deal for 3 mana, but the fact that this comes with the Adventure option as well gives this a ton of flexibility. The Knights decks will want this, the Adventure-matters deck will want this, and even the White/Blue deck won’t turn it down. 3.0/5

Both halves of this card cost 1 more mana than they would as individual cards, but together, it’s more than the sum of its parts. The Knight is a relevant creature type, and makes sure you have something to do on curve, while the Unicorn itself is a great late-game way to mitigate flood. It’s not as exciting as the Tactician, but I have a feeling this card will play better than it looks at first. 2.5/5

Here’s the removal! This looks a lot like Pacifism, and it is, but the condition that it can’t hit fliers is a very real one that makes this significantly weaker. You’ll still take it and run it in every White deck, but it will be frustrating when you can’t neutralize a flier with it. 2.5/5

White feels like it has a lot of solid, but unexciting cards at Common. These cards are workhorses that will serve you well, but none of them are cards you’ll want to first pick. It seems like it will skew slightly more aggressive/tempo based, and not really very control oriented.

Blue

Who’d have guessed Blue would get better Common removal that White this time around. Claustrophobia/Waterknot is always solid, and now we have yet another literally identical version. This will hit anything you need it to hit, and you’ll be glad to see it in every Blue deck. 3.0/5

Adventure cards sure seem good, don’t they? For the most part, Rage of Winter is going to serve as a Kicker cost, since you probably aren’t going to bother casting it by itself on turn 2 unless you have literally no other play and your opponent already has a creature out. But casting this as a 3 drop or a 5 drop with an extra effect are both solid plays, and gives this card a lot of flexibility. 2.5/5

Honestly, this card is a step down from Queen of Ice unless you can reliably cast it with Adamant. Without, it’s a costlier Wind Drake, which isn’t the worst thing it could be, but it’s far from exciting. With Adamant, this goes up in value significantly, though I do wish it were some other creature type so it could work with the non-humans theme. 2.5/5

Blue seems similar to White in that there aren’t tons of super exciting Commons, but there are plenty of decent cards to round out your curve and advance your gameplan. Seems to be tempo based, with plenty of decent fliers and some solid removal & tricks.

Black

This is possibly the best Common removal in the set. Instant speed is huge, and the Food is a very real upside. Compare it to 5-mana Lich’s Caress, for reference, and I think this is way better. The cheaper cost and Instant type more than make up for not getting your lifegain right away, and the Food token can synergize incredibly well with other themes in the set. Premium removal, this is. (Though how anyone can bake a pie in an instant is beyond me.) 3.5/5

3/2 Menace is a good deal for 3 mana and a bit anemic at 4, but a 4/3 Menace is pretty great. This isn’t going to be an all-star card, but it has potential and it’s a relevant type for the Knights archetypes, so I’m going to start higher than some might on this card. 2.5/5

I would definitely take the first few copies of Bake into a Pie before I grab this, but this is super efficient removal that will still get rid of most early threats without an issue. I expect it to do good work. 3.0/5

Black gets two great removal spells at Common, plus some just all around solid threats. It seems like black will be able to pivot very well between aggressive builds and controlling builds, depending on what you prioritize.

Red

The Scry on Jaya’s Greeting was nice, but the exile clause on this is also very relevant. I have this pegged as Red’s best Common, and certainly the color’s best Common removal. 3.0/5

You’ll definitely want to first pick the Dragonfire first, but having a spell like this that can take out a bigger threat can also be super useful. Also, given the 5 mana cost, it should be pretty trivial to get the Adamant bonus too. 2.5/5

I know this feels like one of those goofy buildarounds like Charmed Stray, but the floor on this is much higher, as a 2/2 bear is still an okay playable in most decks. And if you can get 3 or 4 of these in your deck, you’re really in business. If you only have one, I’d drop this down in value significantly, though it still could be playable in a Non-Humans deck. 2.5/5

Red, as always, skews aggressive, but it also has two great removal spells at Common, so it’s definitely possible to build more controlling decks with it, probably paired with Black or Blue. As the one color that is shared between Knights and Non-Humans, there are some nice overlaps in creature types to keep your eye out for and stay flexible.

Green

This cutie-pie has my vote for best Green Common in the set. It’s well-costed at 4/4 with Trample for 4, which would already be playable, but adding a Food token to the mix is just great. It enables synergies for all the Food payoffs, and worst case is some easy lifegain later on. I’d definitely grab these up. 3.0/5

Of the Common Paladin cycle, I like the Green one the best. 4/4 with a touch of evasion is playable at 5 mana, and it should be pretty easy to get the Adamant bonus here, which makes this excellent. I’d basically always run the first one of these. 2.5/5

The usual Fight spell is typically pretty solid, and this is a strict upgrade on Hunt the Weak, which was already playable. The Adamant trigger is good, but doesn’t change much as the card is good to begin with. 2.5/5

Green, as per usual, has well-costed creatures that should outclass most else on the battlefield. It seems like a very solid color that will likely be one of the best colors in a vacuum, though it’s hard to tell how much the synergy of pairs like the Knights colors will matter vs raw power. Only time will tell.

The Rest of the Commons

So those cards above have my vote for most impactful Commons in the Throne of Eldraine limited format. Next, I’ll run through the rest of the cards, and assign quick ratings to each of them (out of 5).

Ardenvale Paladin - Seems a bit weaker than some of the others in the cycle, because even a 3/6 is not super relevant except as a blocker. Will be playable in Knights, but not exciting anywhere else. 2.0

Bartered Cow - A Hill Giant that turns into Food when it dies. Playable, but unexciting, and doesn’t particularly synergize with any of the themes in-color except maybe W/U Artifacts & Enchantments. 2.0

Beloved Princess - I know people love this card, and the art is gorgeous, but it’s basically unplayable in draft. Save it for constructed. 1.5

Faerie Guidemother - Neither halves of this card are cards you would want to play, and together they’re barely better. I’m going to start on the assumption that this is borderline playable, but it may be worse. 2.0

Flutterfox - A bear that can be a Wind Drake if conditions are right is actually pretty decent. In the W/U archetype, I think this will do work. 2.5

Fortifying Provisions - On its own, this is just not worth playing. The only possible excuse I can think of is if you are in W/U and don’t have enough Artifacts to get your payoffs. But this is a weak way to accomplish that. 1.5

Knight of the Keep - Without Knights being a major set theme, this would be a 1.5 (see Barony Vampire). But the creature type is so relevant that I think this will actually sometimes be playable as a curve-filler. 2.0

Outflank - This looks better than I suspect it will actually play. Frequently, you just won’t have enough creatures to take down the big things you really want to kill with this. It will be Searing Light more often than not. 2.0

Prized Griffin - Generally I like this, though you definitely don’t want tons of them or your curve will suffer. One or two will suffice. 2.5

Shining Armor - The rating here is assuming you have some Knights in your deck, because without Knights, it’s way worse. 2.0

Silverflame Ritual - I prefer my White team buffs to be Instants, but since the counters stick around, this seems borderline playable. 2.0

Silverflame Squire - The Adventure is better than the creature its on, so play it if you think you need a trick, but there are better 2 drops if you just need a body. 2.0

True Love’s Kiss - I get how a kiss could undo an Enchantment, but an Artifact too? Not feeling the flavor there. Either way, this is strictly sideboard. 1.0

Youthful Knight - First Strike goes a long way in making this playable. Great target for Equipment, and a good 2 drop for the Knights deck. 2.5

Corridor Monitor - The only deck that wants this is W/U, where it’s a decent enabler. It’s less good everywhere else. 2.0

Didn’t Say Please - Cancel is never exciting, but this can help set up some of your “Graveyard matters” cards in U/B. I’d try it. 2.0

Mantle of Tides - It’s not enough of a buff to matter, though it’s cute that it overlaps the W/U and U/R archetypes. 1.5

Merfolk Secretkeeper - If you have some amazing payoffs in the U/B archetype, this is fringe playable. But skip it if that’s not the case. 1.5

Mistford River Turtle - Cute with Keeper of Fables, but otherwise an unexciting inclusion in the non-Humans decks. 2.0

Moonlit Scavengers - I’d really love to see this at slightly lower stats for 5 mana, but as-is it’s a decent inclusion in the W/U deck, and most decks should be able to get some thing to trigger this. 2.5

Opt - I love Opt, and am so excited to see it back. For Limited, it’s a pretty unobtrusive inclusion, and in Control decks or the R/U archetypes, it will be great. 2.5

Run Away Together - The dream for this is to bounce a huge creature of theirs and an Adventure creature of yours, and sometimes that will come together. Other times, you’ll have to bounce something normal of yours, in which case it’s way worse. 2.0

So Tiny - Worse than Slimebind early, and better once it hits the threshold. I’d basically still usually run one copy. 2.5

Steelgaze Griffin - It’s underpar normally, but has the potential to be an Air Elemental sometimes, so your opponent will likely let it through more often than not. And it’s a non-Human, so that’s a thing. 2.5

Tome Raider - The lost point of power makes this way worse than Cloudkin Seer, but it’s still decent in non-Humans or card draw decks. 2.5

Unexplained Vision - That’s a lot of card draw, but it’s tough to spend 5 mana and not affect the board in any way. 2.0

Wishful Merfolk - The stats are good for the cost, so I’d say it’s playable, but having to pay mana to attack is a big drawback. 2.0

Witching Well - This is pretty great in the W/U deck, but I’d even consider it in others. It smooths out your early game and can be cashed in for cards once you flood, which is a fair amount of action for 1 mana. 2.0

Barrow Witches - As long as you have a few Knights, this will do a great Gravedigger impression, and that’s a good thing to do. 2.5

Eye Collector - This can help set up graveyards for the U/B archetype, but it does so little else. I think there are better enablers. 1.5

Festive Funeral - It’s expensive, but it shouldn’t be hard to get this to be -4/-4, at which point it’s a Throttle. Could be worse. 2.0

Foreboding Fruit - The design here is cute. If you have Adamant, you can make up the life loss or cash in on Food synergies. And it’s playable either way. 2.0

Forever Young - Most of the time, this will be a Raise Dead, but if you have multiple good creatures in your Grave, it can be better. 2.0

Giant’s Skewer - If you’re in the Food deck, this is a pretty reliable way to keep making them. Otherwise, it’s mediocre. 2.0

Lash of Thorns - Very mediocre trick. I’d pass. 1.5

Lost Legion - A relevant creature type with a good ETB. Sure. 2.5

Malevolent Noble - I like this, particularly for the Food deck. Doesn’t seem too hard to get this to a 3/3 or bigger, and worse case, it’s a bear. 2.5

Memory Theft - Don’t play this. If you encounter a deck with otherwise unbeatable bombs, consider sideboarding it in, but do not maindeck. 1.0

Reaper of Night - If you really need a Mind Rot, I guess you can consider this, but the creature half is way overcosted. 1.5

Smitten Swordmaster - As a Creature alone, it’s okay, but does have the relevant type. Adding on the Adventure makes it much more useful as a topdeck and I’d include it in most Knights decks. 2.0

Tempting Witch - A decent way to make and use Food if your deck cares about that, but I probably wouldn’t include it in decks that don’t. 2.0

Wicked Guardian - You really want this to be a 2-for-1, so you need a creature with 3 toughness to be good. If you can’t get the card draw, it goes down significantly. 2.5

Barge In - I don’t like combat tricks that are only good on attack, but in a pinch this could be playable. 1.5

Bloodhaze Wolverine - This seems really solid actually. The threat of it suddenly becoming a 3/2 First Strike will mean most players just let it through, and I expect it to be a staple of the R/U deck. 2.5

Blow Your House Down - Cosmotronic Wave this is not. 1.5

Brimstone Trebuchet - Seems like a solid payoff for the Knights deck, though you won’t want it if your deck wants to be super aggressive. 2.5

Crystal Slipper - Haste can be game changing for some creatures, and only costing 1 to equip makes this surprisingly threatening. Not every deck will want it, though. 2.0

Embereth Paladin - I don’t love this inclusion in the cycle, as it will basically always just trade down, even if Adamant. That said, it is a Knight and sometimes it will be better, given synergies. 2.0

Fling - This card is too often a do-nothing. Save it for Constructed. 1.5

Merchant of the Vale - Smooths out an early bad hand and turns into a good mana sink for the late game. I’ll buy it. 2.5

Ogre Errant - It’s the right Creature type, and it can help a buddy punch through when it attacks. Seems solid for the Knights deck. 2.5

Raging Redcap - If it weren’t a Knight, I’d cut it down a notch. As-is, it could be playable, and it’s a great target for Equipment. 2.0

Redcap Raiders - Unexciting playable and mediocre payoff for non-Humans. If you need the curve filler. 2.0

Rimrock Knight - Super aggressive Knight for the aggro versions of the build. Usually you’ll play it turn 2, but sometimes it’ll be a fun trick. 2.0

Thrill of Possbility - Strictly better Tormenting Voice will be worth it as a one of in many decks. In R/U, it’s even better. 2.0

Weaselback Redcap - It’s both non-Human & a Knight, so that makes this maybe possible, but it’s too flimsy to be good in all but the most aggressive of decks. 1.5

Curious Pair - Decent enabler in the Food deck, but pretty mediocre otherwise. 2.0

Fell the Pheasant - Sideboard-only, but good removal if you have a lot of targets. 1.5

Garenbrig Carver - A passable trick stapled to a below-curve body, but together they enable some decent potential, especially in the Adventure deck. 2.0

Garenbrig Squire - Solid payoff for the Adventure deck. With enough enablers, this will be a great early drop. 2.5

Insatiable Appetite - Completely playable trick, but it’s not a real payoff for the Food deck to go nuts. 2.0

Maraleaf Rider - In the Food deck, this can be pseudo-removal. Otherwise, it’s an aggressive creature and non-Human 2.0

Return to Nature - Strictly sideboard. 1.0

Rosethorn Acolyte - This one basically doesn’t have an Adventure mode in Limited, but as a mana dork, it’s pretty solid. 2.5

Rosethorn Halberd - In a dedicated non-Humans deck, it’s passable. Otherwise, I’d skip it. 1.5

Sporecap Spider - Decent defense against fliers, but not going to do much else. Better in non-Humans decks. 2.0

Tall as a Beanstalk - I don’t love Auras like this, as it’s too easy to get 2-for-1d. But it’s potent enough it will do some damage. 1.5

Tuinvale Treefolk - A reasonable buff early and a large creature for the late game, this isn’t the worst top end I’ve seen. 2.0

Wildwood Tracker - I don’t think this is worth a card, and it can’t even make itself bigger than 2/2. Pass unless desperate. 1.5

Wolf’s Quarry - I just.... want my six drops to be more impactful than this. Maayyybe if you’re super deep on Food. But I’m doubtful. 1.5

Crashing Drawbridge - Playable in the W/U deck if you need enablers, but not worth it otherwise. 1.5

Gingerbrute - It’s possible for the the Artifacts deck, the Food deck, or the non-Humans decks to all utilize this, so that flexibility makes it better than it would be otherwise. Still think it should’ve been Gingerbrat. 2.0

Golden Egg - Similarly, the Artifacts deck or the Food deck could want this as an enabler, and it can fix your mana in a pinch. Lots of people will play it who shouldn’t, but some decks will want it. 2.0

Henge Walker - You really want to be Adamant for this to work. Otherwise, only the Artifacts deck may even be remotely interested. 1.5

Jousting Dummy - It’s an early Artifact for W/U and an early Knight for those decks. Not great, but a curve filler if you need. 2.0

Locthwain Gargoyle - White/Blue could be into this, since it gets your synergies off immediately. But it’s mediocre if not enabling something. 2.0

Prophet of the Peak - For all colorless mana, you could definitely do worse. An okay top end in a pinch. 2.0

Roving Keep - Most of the time, you won’t even get to enough mana to cast this. I’m not loving it. 1.5

Scalding Cauldron - An early Artifact for W/U, and a reasonable bit of removal later. Many decks could want this. 2.5

Signpost Scarecrow - This just doesn’t do enough. Pass. 1.5

Weapon Rack - Ehh. 4 mana for +3/+3, spread out over 3 turns just doesn’t seem worth it. 1.5

Common Mono Lands - All of these seem pretty good, and come at very little opportunity cost. I’d pick them reasonably if you’re sure they’re in-color. 2.5

So that’s it. All the Commons in Throne of Eldraine! Uncommons & Rares coming up!

[mybumpbirthandbeyond]

Becoming Mummy

So did you think surely my physical problems were behind me?! I certainly did. I had had thrush of the breast, mastitis and an abscess, and bad separation of my muscles (I didn’t know how bad until later.) Well lo and behold, when my milk was drying up, I noticed a red mark on my left breast this time. You guessed it! I ended up with my second lot of mastitis, in a different breast, even though I wasn’t even breastfeeding!! Back on the antibiotics for me. It was starting to feel like a very cruel joke - great pregnancy with no real complaints, couldn't have wished for a better birth and now it seemed I was being punished for those things in my postpartum recovery 🙄😢

I should also mention a common problem I did experience during pregnancy, and one which continued for a few weeks after I gave birth. I had carpal tunnel syndrome in both my wrists. Late on in my pregnancy, I felt like I had arthritis in both my wrists, and I would wake up for my (umpteenth) trip to the toilet and notice my fingers were sore and swollen. I had probably stopped wearing my engagement ring in January (being due in the April), as it was smaller than my wedding ring. I eventually took my wedding ring off the month before my due date, as I was terrified it would have to be cut off! When I had told my midwife about this at my 38 week appointment, she laughed and said you might be a bit late for physio! It was manageable and I coped by elevating my wrists on my pillow at night to allow the blood to drain away from my fingers. After I gave birth, I was disappointed to learn it hung around for a few months after. I ended up buying a wrist splint from Amazon to wear on my left. It seems silly, but they don’t sell them in pairs, so I had to gauge which wrist was worst and go with that. I went with my left, as my rings were still not going on, much to my dismay!! I eventually got my wedding band on about 8 weeks after I had Cailean but my engagement ring still wouldn’t go on!! I was actually really upset by this, having not worn it since January. The stupid things you think about in the vulnerability of being a new mother - what if people think I've had a child and I'm not married?! I don’t care about things like that in real life, it doesn’t matter if you’re married or not so who cares!! Only very narrow-minded people have issues with that, yet somehow it just flitted into my mind one day. As I say stupid thing to think! But there you go, that’s how strange things can happen when you become a parent and how self-consciousness and dark thoughts can creep in. I actually made a trip to the jewellers where we bought the rings to ask about getting it enlarged. When I told them I was 9 weeks postpartum they looked me and told me it was too soon, I should give it longer. That kind of helped me see sense! I think it was another 4 weeks before I got my engagement ring on and knew I could get it off again fairly easily. I was so happy when I did!! Honestly, when you’ve had the recovery I've had, you take the small wins where you can - which is probably not a bad rule to follow generally as a new parent!!

My husband was such a great help and support during those first few weeks. I was really lucky to have him home for 4 weeks. He took one week of paternity leave and the rest was floating annual leave. Paternity leave would have reduced his pay to half for the second week. Given I'm on statutory maternity pay, that was just not an option. It’s pretty ridiculous when you think about it!

Those first few days without him were a bit of a steep learning curve - trying to get Cailean fed and dressed and myself showered, fed and dressed to go out and walk the dogs was a bit of a challenge! I was lucky to get out before 12 initially, but luckily my two Springers were great and very patient. The most challenging part about the first days when Alex was back at work, was when Cailean was unsettled and very cranky. I’m not going to lie, it is the hardest thing to deal with when your baby is crying constantly, and you have no idea why. What makes it even worse, is the fact that when Daddy came home, it seemed to always be all smiles!! After checking his nappy, feeding him and winding him, I’m not afraid to admit that there have been a few times when I have had to leave the room for a few minutes, just to keep myself sane! (It goes without saying that Cailean was safe in his nest or Moses basket).

One particular day, when Alex was on a backshift, I struggled big time when he left. When Alex left the house, Cailean was smiling and within minutes he was screaming. It was so disheartening! It was honestly like Jekyll and Hyde. 👿 My mum called me in the evening to find out how he was. Before I even thought about it, I had told her i was having a nightmare. I hadn’t eaten dinner, and as far as I could tell there was nothing wrong with him but he just would not stop crying. When I came off the phone I was kicking myself - I was sure my mum would end up coming round to help, so I called her back and told her everything was fine now (I lied). To my relief she wasn't in the car but it turned out I caught her just before she left the house - she arrived at mine 10 minutes later. She looked after Cailean while I had my dinner and relaxed in a much needed bath, and stayed until he fell asleep. Just goes to show, the real superheroes don’t wear capes!! 🦸🏻‍♀️

A few days later, we were unlucky enough to have another trip to the hospital. Alex was still on a backshift but we had noticed in the morning, Cailean hadn't been able to poo for a few days and he was clearly struggling. We tried everything -  bath, 1 fl. oz of water, cycling his legs, nappy balm around his bottom, and massaging his tummy (always clockwise!!!). He was screaming a few hours after Alex had left for work and so upset. Alex called to find out if he had pooed and when he heard him, he thought I should call NHS24. I’m not a paranoid mum by any means, but the fact we had tried everything and he was so uncomfortable, I began to worry about a blockage and also overloading him with milk. They gave me an appointment within the hour at the out of hours service. A nurse practitioner saw us in Dunfermline and Cailean by this point would not stop screaming. His temp wasn’t bad, but his heart rate was elevated. She said she could tell straight away there was something that just wasn’t right. They told us we should go to the NICU in Kirkcaldy (at the hospital where I'd given birth). We were told there might be quite a wait and this was at 9pm by that time. Thankfully, we didn't have to wait too long. The doctors were fantastic and so lovely. We made it clear we thought it was constipation but were worried there was something more serious because of everything we had tried. Well, did he not do a massive poo while waiting on the doctor coming back in the room!!! Honestly, we were so embarrassed/relieved!!! 😅🙈The doctors were so kind and made no issue of it whatsoever. They told us we had absolutely done the right thing because he was so wee, and to call back directly if there were any other issues. If you ever have any concerns, better to be safe than sorry and get it checked! They are too precious not to.

I was out with my neighbour one day, and  I told her about how cranky Cailean was becoming. Having been such a happy and content baby (other than during poo gate!), he seemed to be so unhappy and typically, it was when I was on my own with him. She explained to me that Cailean was probably going through a leap. She told me about an app called the Wonder Weeks, which would track and alert you to each of your baby’s developmental leaps. It is an absolute lifesaver! It teaches you what your baby is learning during each leap (and explains the crankiness!), while telling you how long they will be experiencing it for. The app sets an alarm (we nickname it the alarm of doom!) for when the leap starts and also lists the skills the baby will exhibit at the end of each leap. Here is the link from the App Store for anyone who would like to download it:    I highly recommend it!

My 6 week GP check was yet another trip to the Doctor, and I suspected, the last time I would be checked by a health professional in relation to the pregnancy, unless I made an appointment. I explained about my thus far, horrendous recovery. I also explained I suspected my thrush in my breast hadn’t cleared up. Apparently dry looking skin around the areola is a sign, as well as the fact I was still getting some pain despite not feeding. The doctor told me the cream I was given was due to the fact I was breastfeeding, but I could be prescribed much stronger medication now that I wasn’t. She checked my stitches as well as I had been feeling some discomfort down there. She said she thought there was a sore down there, but it was maybe to do with the way the stitches were healing. I explained I was told I could be referred to a physio for the separation of my abdominal muscles. What was pretty concerning, was she didn’t seem to have any idea about it at all and said she guessed that meant she would just write a letter to the physios at the hospital? I wasn’t convinced she knew what to do, but waited to see what would happen. As it happened, I received a letter within a couple of weeks offering me an appointment, but the appointment wasn’t until the start of July, and my GP check was in May. I guess it was the best I could hope for on the NHS! 🙄

In the meantime, Cailean was given his appointment for his first set of jags. His health visitor had told me to get infant paracetamol and the doses to give him throughout the day whenever he received the Men B vaccine. The fact that she had to ask whether I wanted Cailean immunised or not, was terrifying. Thanks to that report from an American doctor (who has since been struck off and all his findings disproved,) sadly, there are still people who refuse to immunise their children, and now we are seeing a return of those horrible diseases which didn’t exist for long enough. It was a no brainer for me. You can get infant paracetamol from any chemist (you have to show your red book and you’ll for it for free) and you’re advised to give your baby 2.5 ml prior to the jags, and then two further doses every four hours. Cailean was, understandably upset by his jags, although he settled quickly. He slept most of the day after the first two lots, but didn’t show any other ill effects luckily. It’s so horrible watching a needle go into your baby’s soft skin, not once but 3 times!! (for the first and third jags). The third set were definitely the worst for Cailean for some reason. He was just very unsettled and upset the whole day, so much so that I decided against his Baby Sensory class that day. Thankfully, that’s the end of them until he is 1!

Speaking of classes, at around 9/10 weeks, I decided to enrol Cailean in Baby Sensory. Most baby classes you’ll find are based on school term time, so you can usually book a block, bearing in mind that there will usually be a break at some point. Baby Sensory gives babies all types of different stimulation through song, sign language and different objects. Every week is a different theme, but the song at the start and the end are always the same so the babies can learn what to expect. The lady who takes our classes puts so much into it! I couldn’t imagine having to sterilise and disinfect as many different things as she does. It’s a great way to meet other mums and babies. What I like most about it, is seeing the development and how much Cailean has come on since he started. I decided to wait until he was 9/10 weeks, as I didn’t think he would get much out of it before then. His first few classes, he only lasted the first half of the hour, and then fell asleep! Some babies come earlier and it is from 0-6 months, but I definitely think he showed more interest being the age he was. Although he still has his moments, he loves the class and has even started smiling and noticing other babies, which is the cutest thing ever! 🥰🙊

I also take Cailean to Baby Massage which we have just started. Amazingly, this is a free class! It’s such a nice thing to do, and a great way to learn about what can relax your baby, and even help with things like colic and constipation etc. 

One of the best classes we have done so far though, is Water Babies. It is expensive, but the fact your baby is learning to swim from as young as 12 weeks old, is incredible! Cailean was very nearly a water birth, which I think might also contribute how calm he is in the water, as well of course as babies being in the amniotic fluid. The classes are only held in pools warm enough for babies, although we bought Cailean a wee sleeveless wetsuit just to keep him a wee bit warmer. I've not yet braved taking him on my own - my husband has been at all of the classes so far. With Alex working shifts, he won’t always be able to make it, so I said he should go in the pool with him when he can. It also helps to have an extra pair of hands when changing! There have only been 3 classes so far, but he hasn’t cried once (Cailean that is, not Alex!!)! I couldn't believe it when, at the end of the first class, the instructor told us the babies would be going under. However, I needn’t have worried, Cailean did brilliantly! He certainly thought about crying initially, but changed his mind and is now under quite a few times in each class. What’s great about the classes is that you are taught how to teach your baby to swim. There are no armbands, and much of the class is about safety and repetition so the babies come to expect when they will go under, etc. It’s amazing how many of the skills are actually based on babies natural instincts but they always find a way to make it fun! 

In my next blog, I'll cover sleep (or lack thereof!) and also our first trip with Cailean (practicalities) and my ongoing recovery. 

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank each of you who have taken the time to read my ramblings so far. I started this blog in the hopes that my experiences might help even just one other person in knowing what to expect, but it’s also helping me deal with the struggles of my recovery and the steep learning curve that is becoming a new mum.  Please continue to share with others if you feel it would be useful and if you’re enjoying the blog. We’re all just winging it on a daily basis, and the support network is vital to keep us all going when the days are hardest! 💖 xx

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

What We Learned: Why you should stop freaking out about the Canadiens

It’s been a frustrating start to the season for Carey Price and the Montreal Canadiens. (Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images)

Montreal is a tough market even when times are good. And for the Canadiens right now, times are quite the opposite of good.

They have one win in six games and even that was in a shootout, so their opponents have taken 15 of a possible 16 points against them. This was a team many considered to be one of the best in the East, and instead they’re dead last in the conference, by a decent margin.

On the surface, the problem is easy to diagnose: They’re shooting 4 percent and getting .877 goaltending. That’ll lose you a lot of games. Pretty simple, right?

Because like any Claude Julien team, they’re very good at taking more shots than their opponents, and things just aren’t going well for them in terms of the outcomes of those shots. But if you watch a Canadiens game, you see that they’re doing things a little like the Kings used to: They’re just taking a lot of attempts, and they aren’t particularly picky about where those shots come from.

Some people — usually, the chronically wrong kind — call this “gaming corsi” and say coaches do it to make their underlying numbers look better than they actually are. That, in turn, gives them plausible deniability if the team sucks, which, hey, the Canadiens sure seem to right now. At 5-on-5, the Habs take the third-most attempts per 60 of any team in the league, but are only eighth in expected goals, meaning that the quality of those shots isn’t quite consistent with the rate at which they happen. Both numbers are elite, however.

Meanwhile, the revamped Habs defense is submediocre, conceding the 19th-most shots per hour and giving up some high-quality looks, to the tune of the sixth-worst xGA/60 in the league.

Certainly these are issues to work on, but they don’t lead to anything resembling the results the Canadiens have gotten to this point. In terms of expected-goal plus-minus, they’re minus-0.03 at 5-on-5 and minus-1.4 overall. That means they “should have” given up about a goal and a half more than they’ve scored, which should put them at roughly .500 for the season, instead of being off to the second-worst start in the league and already being minus-21 in goals. That is to say, they’ve allowed about 19 more goals than they should have. Which is a lot.

I’m not going to sit here and try to relitigate for the millionth time whether a particular team is going to have a PDO that starts with “91” or even “95” all season. They are self-evidently much better than this. You can think what you want about the long-term prospects for Carey Price’s brand new contract, but you don’t typically see a guy’s talents diminish to the point that you lose 50 points of save percentage in a single summer. Pretty sure that’s not how aging curves work.

Likewise, the Canadiens were likely to struggle a bit more offensively this season than last, simply because of some of the talent they lost, and Jonathan Drouin wasn’t going to paper over everything. But Max Pacioretty, who’s fourth in the league in goals and 21st in points since the start of 2013-14 didn’t suddenly become a guy who can only score one goal and no assists in eight games.

It is worth asking if, given how things went for the Bruins last season, a Claude Julien system ends up being a lot like a Darryl Sutter system in the modern NHL, where you control a big chunk of the possession but have a lot more trouble converting than the average team. Much like everything went wrong offensively for the Kings and Bruins for much of last season, maybe this is symptomatic. But as was the argument with Sutter before he got canned, all you can do is put your team in a position to succeed as much as possible.

You cannot understate the role Marc Bergevin has played in making the Canadiens worse over the last few years, and anyway, it’s not like Julien is coaching for his job. He just signed a five-year deal, so he’s doing what any coach should do: Putting his team in the best position to win. Whether guys have the talent and luck to execute is another story entirely.

The other thing to keep in mind here is that these are the worst games of Price’s career since an 11-game stretch in the lockout-shortened season, when he went .865 over nine games right before the playoffs started. The next season he went .927 and the one after that he was the MVP. The point is, yeah, Price is in a slump right now and no one can score, but how long can you reasonably expect either of those conditions to last? You have Price, who, granted, is 30 at this point, playing his worst hockey in almost five years sandwiching the best 200 or so games any goalie has had in modern hockey (.928 from 2013-14 to 2016-17).

That’s the issue about that expected-goals number, too. Price isn’t a league-average goalie or really anything close, so he should consistently outperform his team’s xGA number. So why are we assuming this is going to last, unless we’re actively choosing to be disingenuous.

You can maybe think the Canadiens were overhyped going into the season and you can think they’re gonna struggle to score all year. But if you think this is one of the two worst teams in the league, and think using only The Eye Test from less than 10 percent of the season to make these determinations, you’re kidding yourself.

That thing about Montreal being a tough market? A stretch like this would make it a nightmare to deal with the media and fans in January. But the fact that it’s happening now, in the first eight games to start off the year, is cranking things to their current absurd, unrealistic level. It would be overblown then, just as it’s overblown now.

This is still realistically a playoff team, especially in a division with this many weak clubs, and a comfortable one at that (and by the by, anyone who thought the Bruins were right to fire Julien might want to check out their performance so far this year). They’re probably not going to clear 100 points like many expected, but by the end of the season, I hate to tell you, their PDO is gonna be back in the 98, 99 range and gee whiz they’ll probably still have like 97 points.

People are literally only freaking out about this because it’s Oct. 23 and they have just three points. Understandable to an extent, but people also forget that they also have 74 games left on the schedule.

That, actually, is a lot of time to make up their current six point deficit against the … Red Wings? Man, I guess it really is early.

What We Learned

Anaheim Ducks: Cam Fowler get well soon we miss you!

Arizona Coyotes: The Canadiens being bad is stealing from us the joy of marveling over how the Coyotes are much, much worse.

Boston Bruins: This might be the most humiliating thing that ever happened to the Bruins. And I’ve seen the Behind the B episode about trading Seguin.

Buffalo Sabres: I bet Eichel is feeling great about that extension now.

Calgary Flames: Don’t take Jagr. Take me instead!

Carolina Hurricanes: Despite this most recent loss, the ‘Canes look pretty good so far!

Chicago Blackhawks: I, too, love to trade a veteran defenseman for an expensive project and then healthy-scratch him repeatedly.

Colorado Avalanche: When it rains it pours for like five years in a row.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Fun one against the Kings, but Bobrovsky has to be better than this.

Dallas Stars: Weird how a good coach makes a team with a lot of talent good.

Detroit Red Wings: I love the implications HYPERLINK “http://www.freep.com/story/sports/nhl/red-wings/2017/10/22/riley-sheahan-pittsburgh-penguins-detroit-red-wings/788588001/”behind this headline.

Edmonton Oilers: Man, when you can’t even win with Connor McDavid…

Florida Panthers: James Reimer, pretty good goalie. Wonder when people start to act like that’s been the case for some time now.

Los Angeles Kings: All those goals Anze Kopitar didn’t score last year? He’s scoring them now.

Minnesota Wild: Nice little third period for the Wild. But they still only have six points.

Montreal Canadiens: I actually heard it’s really important for them to panic now, a week before Halloween.

Nashville Predators: “Is that a lot?”

New Jersey Devils: Well, that’s wonderful news.

New York Islanders: Hey, if a guy worth nine figures rides the train with you as a publicity stunt, it’s actually fine that he is not a good owner.

New York Rangers: Man, this is a capital-T Take.

Ottawa Senators: Let’s not go nuts.

Philadelphia Flyers: Oh my god: “While we’ve appropriately focused on the Flyers team speed in their own spirited start to the season, it’s a little sobering to see them outhit, at home, over the last three games.” Guess which team won this game.

Pittsburgh Penguins: Due to the Penguins’ necessity, people are going to act like Riley Sheahan is a No. 3 center. He absolutely is not.

San Jose Sharks: Okay but who fills the Hertl void?

St. Louis Blues: This is one of those things that sounds good but isn’t that good.

Tampa Bay Lightning: What if, even though they missed the playoffs last year, the Lightning are good?

Toronto Maple Leafs: One thing I think we’re overlooking with the Sens these days is that Erik Karlsson has six points in three games on an ankle that’s partly missing.

Vancouver Canucks: Sorry but there’s no good choice.

Vegas Golden Knights: Oh, maybe this is why you get more than two goalies.

Washington Capitals: (A million thinking guy emoji.) (The plural of emoji is emoji and this is a hill I am 100000 percent willing to die on.)

Winnipeg Jets: My big son.

Play of the weekend

Ryan O’Reilly makes like four low-key incredible plays in this sequence. C’mon dawg!

Gold Star Award

Erik Karlsson made what was no joke a 100-foot indirect pass on this Derick Brassard goal and it’s honestly the best secondary assist I have ever seen in my entire dumb life.

Minus of the Weekend

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce, Kris Russell is at it again.

Perfect HFBoards Trade Proposal of the Year

User “russ4king” has his head on straight.

Who says no? 

Draisaitl for ROR straight up?

Signoff

If this is anyone other than Steve Allen you’re stealing my bit.

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here. (All stats via Corsica unless otherwise noted.)

[reenignegolb-blog]

I will be able to study for final exams tomorrow. That is really early for me, at least I can make some sort of plan, and I am lucky that the bulk of exams are on Friday, that gives me time to study enough over the weekend for control systems before Tuesday, to make sure I can get a 90 grade and solidify an A, and plenty of practice time to do quantum problems and formulate some questions before the final about difficult problems I can find in the book, and hopefully I make the upper curve for an A, I have no idea how that works but I’d say my ‘real’ grade is B+ to A- range, I am working hard on the last assignments, that is what has kept me up there in this course, is the hard work I spend on the problem sets, when my exams are meh, they are just tests though,  and then there is electronics and science and religion, which require less studying, and I have received either feedback I am doing well or check marks, but I have to make myself spend at least a couple hours added up without breaks on those, for the first time in my college career I will make deans list, unless something goes wrong, I can’t think of what would though, this will show my graduate school I am ready after a rough start. I am strangers with my professors still, as a senior. Looking back, it was a big mistake on my part. It is hard for me to utilize lectures during the middle of the semester because I am always overwhelmed and cannot keep up with preparation work because of my mental health. I am sleep deprived, my glasses have broken, my depression has beat me up, I pushed away anybody I knew, just in time for summer, thankful for that. I literally forgot about capstone until now though, and that makes me anxious, because I forgot to connect with this guy before summer to be able to run an experiment.  I can start learning after exams, but am not sure if I should give myself a long time off before starting, like at least a week or two, or if that would be detrimental, because I have spent the semester half utilizing my brain, and it is warmed up and primed for learning. I hate not having much fun stuff to do in the summer, in terms of keeping up with people, because I generally keep to myself, working, and I have never read over the summer, or reviewed any material, I think I could possibly for the first time, do a massive amount of studying, of previous classes, and maybe compile it, along with mathematical tools I have learned, into a single book type thing. I purchased like 12 new books to read and I hope to take a few of those out. I have a summer project in mind too, in terms of designing something and building it, and hope I can get motivation, and even convince myself to see a psychiatrist, because I can’t handle any type of relationship with people, I destroy them. I haven’t gotten angry in a while, and I think that is because no chemicals are causing my brain to roller coast up and down, and I have spent much less time at home. I almost got angry yesterday, for silly reasons , and I felt the familiar energy building up inside of me, but tried to let it go. I definitely need to get this energy out of me still, before finals week. Maybe I will go out and be social at least once, and exercise a lot over the weekend, and go to new places to study, probably just a local library. I definitely need new study places, where I can have earbuds in or not, talk and/or whisper to myself, chew my pen frantically, twitch out trying to think fast and make random hand movements and pointing at my paper, without anybody thinking I am a complete weirdo. I like to work on boards with a book in front of me, and write something, walk back and forth and repeat things to myself, and work out extra details, in one scrambled mess, like my mind is right now. I just have to write random stupid things and ideas sometimes, it is like when you are sitting there overthinking stuff, but it is better to overthink them on a screen or page than inside your head. I wish people were more fun here, people seem really bent. Of course they probably think the same of me, with the way I act in front of them. But that is the point, it is an act, that I can’t let up just yet. Well maybe I am a little bit, I feel so weird, wrong, corny when I have to be a certain way around people that goes against my inner being. A comparison is like a child growing up in a city and his parents let him outside to hang with the block kids and do fun things like ride bikes or be mischievous vs the child growing up in the same city and having parents who kept them inside away from ‘bad’ things and monitored activities and friends. It is like you can hear someone say, gosh darnit or gee willikers to avoid saying any form of swear word and the first reaction is ‘did they just say that’? Use the real words, they have so much more meaning and emotion in them, be straight to the point with it. One child experiences more than the other, the other kid spends his whole life in the niche group of goodness and learns how to be normal and be like everyone else. You just can’t make certain jokes around people, you have to talk about the silliest trivial things like they matter to you, because it is a big deal to other people somehow, and you are like, wow, that is not interesting at all. It all comes down to being straight to the point with people about everything, instead of footing around everything trying not to offend anyone, and people who have experienced less are not as comfortable with a range of topics or ideas, or as open minded. A black child grows up in a black neighborhood, or a white child grows up in a white neighborhood, compare them to the kid who grew up in a more mixed neighborhood. That kid is more comfortable with a wide range of things, because he has experienced more than one culture, like academic culture, which I am just not made for. My head is completely elsewhere than school, 24/7. I am good at forcing myself to do work, but all I am really thinking about is the fun I would like to have, when I have no school work stopping me, and during lectures I think, man I could do this quicker, or man I just don’t get lectures, they don’t help me learn, because I learn differently. I think of each assignment, and what I have to learn to complete them, so I can go hike that mountain, or go see that movie, go chill with a friend, play some soccer, build a project, ride my motorcycle, play xbox, or whatever. I am excited to get back to the summer soccer league I have done every year, where we just get together two days a week and play, and random guys and girls show up, of all ages, and maybe have a beer after. I can’t wait for the weather. I hope I do see a psychiatrist though, because something is seriously wrong with me, the way I think. Just reading what I wrote a couple lines above is always like, what the fuck are you talking about, you don’t think that, or why would you put it that way, sounds weird, you are lying, always negative self talk that I can’t stop. I can relate to hating people and loving them at the same time, being extremely afraid of rejection, that I do the rejecting first, but wanting to make friends and show people the real me, and I have gotten angry at times in a short temper kind of way, ready to be set off, having low self esteem that doesn’t land on the chart from 0-10, admiring people for a short time and then deciding I hate them, like maybe I admire if they are witty, or nice, or good looking, or smart, and maybe I can’t be those things or I tell myself that, and hate them for it, basically idolizing. I wouldn’t say I have a favorite person, but I would probably be lying, because I just wouldn’t want to admit that, it would give me self pity, because it sounds so sad, to have one person that you admire, and not several people, or maybe that that person doesn’t think of you the same way, like this friend I have distanced myself from, it was like I did a 180 on him, some people call it splitting, and I hated him. For having these other friends, and I wasn’t first like in my mind maybe I was, or he was first in mine, and you realize there is nobody else, so maybe you try to focus on other people or another person, but without a specific person (fp) to latch onto, you feel really lost. It is similar to people who need a significant other to feel satisfied, I don’t feel that way though. Whenever I dated somebody, it really just made me feel trapped, in that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, and I could no longer satisfy myself, as the possibilities in life got smaller, and you realize that you are eventually going to be expended, or think you made the wrong choice, and you wasted a huge amount of time. I don’t want to waste that time, and I can’t anymore, because school has honestly made any mental issue I might have had so much more worse. Summer is nice, I get back some of my identity, that is destroyed by school. Why can’t I just accept this part of me? That learns physics and engineering, and maybe likes some of it? I don’t feel comfortable in public with a college shirt, because of how I think people perceive somebody who goes there, or goes to college, and also engineering or physics. I have this idea that the graduate student is looked at better by people, like what do you do? I go to school, for bachelors in physics, I am in my undergrad, vs I do graduate studies, I am in grad school. I feel like people think I haven’t accomplished anything as undergraduate student, and I might also feel that way. My professor tried to tell us in a car ride that we have made a big accomplishment, and he added details that supported how I felt, like no matter what you learned or did or grades you got, just completing it, as if it was a stamp of approval, college approved. I just think, like yeah I can do really simple math equations and niche physics of 1 to 2 particles, or know 2 % of the circuit that is in the remote I use. Unless you are doing a phd and researching, what is the point? We should be learning industry skills and real life skills, and applications of this stuff, like mainly applications. I don’t think we should be learning any theory unless we can do something with it, so that by the time we graduate we are actually capable if someone asks us to do something, to make something, to test or review something. I don’t know what I am talking about. What I am writing, isn’t actually what I think most of the time either. I feel like I just have to keep writing about these same things, so that I don’t think of them during the day.