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hatchetfield-omegaverse · 8 days ago

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Hail Petey, Full of Grace Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Wedding at Cana

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Chapter 3 Link

A/N: And we're back! Welcome to the Spankoffski-Lauter wedding, the first and only wedding to be held at Camp Idontwannabang! Please enjoy yourselves!

Parents weekend was always a big deal at Camp Idontwannabang: the campers, having spent weeks away from home, would be ecstatic to see their parents again and teach them everything they learned. The Jerries, feeling generous, would throw a large BBQ complete with smores, and end the night with a giant concert dedicated to Christ. Oh yes, Parents weekend was always a big deal, and this year was set to be no different.

Every camper was filled with anticipation from the moment cars started up at the camp signs, waiting to see the one that belonged to their family. Pete, of course, was no different. If anything he was jumpier than all the other campers combined. If you asked him though, Pete had good reasons to be anxious.

Firstly, it was his wedding day, so pre wedding jitters were to be expected.

The second reason was one Lorraine Mega.

“I don't get why it's such a big deal that she's coming to the wedding.” Steph said when Pete jumped at the sound of a car engine for the umpteenth time. “She's just your grandma, and I thought you said she'd be supportive.”

“It's not that, Steph. My grandma is just a lot. It's just hard to explain.”

“Then what is it? Does she not get the trans thing?”

“No, she's great with my name and pronouns and all that. It's just-”

“Can you two quit the family talk and focus on keeping this ladder steady?” Grace called down to them. “I don't want the garland to be crooked.”

Pete snorts and turns his attention back to the ladder. He's not sure how exactly hot got roped into helping set up for the wedding, but it was too late to really question it. Besides, this was the last garland. He'd be free soon enough.

Eventually, after taking her sweet time making sure the garland looked just right, Grace climbs down the ladder. “Okay, I'll handle the rest of the decorating. You two go get ready. And remember: the bride can't-”

“-can't see the groom before the wedding.” Pete finishes the sentence. It was probably the hundredth time Grace said the mantra today. “We know Grace. Don't worry.”

Assured that they wouldn't try to sneak a peak of each other, Grace sends them off with instructions to get ready for the wedding. Instructions that they immediately ignore of course, choosing instead to walk by the lake in some effort to spend a little more time together before their families arrive.

“So,” Steph says once they're sufficiently away from the rest of camp, “Why exactly is your grandma coming to the wedding a big deal?”

Pete sighs at the question. How was he supposed to explain Lorraine Mega? The Lorraine Mega who smuggled Jews out of Germany, who raised her son alone after the disappearance of her husband. The Lorraine Mega who didn't realize her son was gay until the mid 60s but immediately became one of the biggest allies he knew. The Lorraine Mega who could defuse a bomb and fake passports like a pro, but refused to use language harder than ‘damn’.

Where on earth would he begin trying to explain Grandma Lorie?

“Okay, the first thing you need to know is that Grandma Lorie is Jewish, and a devout Jew at that. And we're getting married at a Christian abstinence camp.”

“Oh.” Steph winced. “Does she not like that you were raised agnostic then?”

“She's fine with that. According to her, belief should come from the heart, not from family tradition. She'll just make sure we come for all the high holidays. But she's going to hate the fear mongering Christianity.”

“I mean I hate the fear mongering Christianity.”

“Second thing, do not let the little old lady schtick fool you. She is always armed and she's got amazing aim.”

“No.” Steph laughs. “She's always armed? Isn't she like 100?”

“And she uses a walker.” Pete nods. “But that won't stop her.”

“Cool.” Steph says through laughter. “Maybe she'll shoot Boy Jerry for being a dick.”

“I wish. Okay the most important thing, Grandma Lorie is obsessed with two things: weddings and grandchildren. And we're giving her both.”

“Well that's good isn't it?” Steph looks at him. “She'll support us then.”

“She'll support us alright. And she’ll get way too into it.” Pete sighs.

“How into it?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Well let's put it this way. I won't be surprised if she asked us when we planned to try for a second.”

“But we don't even have one yet.”

Pete nods. “Exactly. And she's worse when it comes to weddings. She's taken out ads in the paper to get my cousin a partner. She's had wedding scrapbooks planned for all of her grandchildren from birth, hell I'm sure she's made one for Bean. Hell I'm half expecting her to offer to plan us a second wedding because this won't be up to her standards.”

Steph laughs. “Well, can you blame her?” She gestures back to camp, or more specifically to the giant cross that Grace thought would make the perfect altar at camp. While it normally hangs over the main stage where the Jerries perform, it had been specially moved to the beach where Grace had planned the wedding to take place. The cross itself was massive, at least 8 feet tall, and covered in faded white paint. According to Grace, the Jerries paid extra for the paint to look so worn. She said it was called shabby chic. Pete thought it made it look like they couldn't afford a new cross. Someone had tied ribbons to it in pastel green, pink, and purple. The decorations gave the whole thing a children's Easter party vibe. “Can you honestly say you thought your wedding would look like this?”

He can't, but the thought of insulting the work of campers who just wanted to help them feels too mean for Pete's liking. But he has to say something, so he eventually settles on, “I definitely pictured less Christianity involved. And maybe more booze.”

“Yeah, me too.” Steph agrees. Her eyes scan across the landscape in search of something, before turning back to him. “God there's no drinking, no good music, barely any junk food, and it's all at abstinence camp so hookups. Who knew our wedding would be the lamest party I've ever been to.”

Pete laughs at her assessment. “It's the only party I've ever been to. Maybe we should take my grandma up on a makeup wedding. At least that one will have booze.”

“It's a tempting offer.” Steph laughs in agreement. Then she pauses as the entirety of his sentence hits her. “What do you mean you've never been to a party?”

“I've never been to a party. Well, like a proper party. I don't think a movie night with Ruth and Richie counts.” Pete shrugs.

“But I throw parties all the time. My friends throw parties all the time. You've never gone to a single one? Ever?”

“I wasn't exactly first on the guest list, Steph.” And why would he be? He couldn't imagine why anyone would want to invite ‘Micro-Peter’ Spankoffski to a rager. Most teens wouldn't want to spend an evening with the school valedictorian and captain of the chess team.

Steph looks down the gears in her head turning. “Sure you weren't invited, but you never tried to sneak in?”

He shakes his head. “Max would have beat our asses if we were caught. And even if we made it in, that just meant being ignored by the same people who ignored us every day.”

“Okay, but that was before we got together. You never went to one after we started dating?” She's grasping at straws now, in search of some kind of proof that he wasn't the outcast he knows he is.

Telling Steph might break her heart, but Pete knows she needs to hear it.

“Steph, think about it. When did we get together?”

“Halloween.”

“Right. You were grounded from a party for failing a math test and I came over to tutor you.”

“I was going to sneak out but you were so much fun…”

“And there weren't any parties before Christmas were there?”

‘No I guess not.” She murmurs. “And we- you got pregnant during winter break, so of course we didn't go to any parties during the spring- oh my god, you've never been to a party.”

“Yeah. I told you when we started dating, I'm a Grade A nerd.”

“All this time I've been whining that I can't do any fun teenager things anymore. And you never got to them in the first place.”

“It's not that big of a deal. Can't miss what you've never had.” Pete meant it. He was already used to the nights in. Having Bean just meant he'd have new company now.

“It's a big deal to me.” She whines. Pete wants to comfort her but, before he can, Steph stands up straight with that look in her eyes that he knows means she's made up her mind. “I'm going to take you to some parties once we get out of here. All the good ones are thrown senior year anyway.”

“What about Bean?” He doubts that a newborn will be welcome at one of Stacy or Brenda's ragers.

“We'll get a sitter. Maybe we can ask Ted: he's always going on about you doing normal teen things. I swear Peter Spankoffski, you are going to go to parties, dances, football games. Everything you've missed out on before because of some stupid social hierarchy.”

Pete laughs at her statement. Part of him wants to remind her how hard that'll be once they're parents, but she's clearly made up her mind and there's no changing it. “Okay, I believe you.”

“Good.” She looks like she wants to say more, but whatever it is is interrupted by Annie, one of the girls in Pete's group, running over.

“Peter!” She calls as she runs towards them. She stops in front of him and rests her hand on her knees, catching her breath.

“Hey what's wrong?” Oh god. Is someone hurt? Did Jerry find out about their group? He can only imagine what was going on to send her running for him like that.

“B-blue!” She pants. “Blue Studebaker! Just like you!”

Pete's eyes widened at that. Because while no one is hurt or in trouble, a blue Studebaker is pulling into the entrance of Camp Idontwannabang, which can only mean one thing.

Ted, for the first time in his goddamn life, is early.

Ted's already gotten out of the car by the time Pete's made it back to the campgrounds proper and is struggling to get Lorie’s walker from the trunk. Paul and Emma stand next to him, the former doing his best impression of a chihuahua at the vet while the former tries to help Ted with the walker.

“Maybe if you turn it this way.” Emma suggests. Pete can't see how the walker is laying but he's sure that it's thoroughly stuck.

“I tried turning it that way already.” Ted barks back.

“Well I'm just trying to help you.” Emma retorts. Pete is sure there's going to be a fight, but then Grandma Lorie is getting out of the car and making her way to the trunk.

“Oh let me do it.” She says, batting them both away. “You have to be careful or else you'll bend it. Then I'll have to get a new one and that's such a hassle.”

Lorie reaches into the trunk and in one swift motion pulls the walker out. “Just like that.” She says as she hands it to Ted for him to open.

“Yeah Emma, just like that.” He parrots her. Pete, for his part, is happy to merely watch his family, but those plans are shattered when Lorie turns and sees him.

“Peter!” She yanks the walker from Ted and hobbles over to pull him into a bone crushing hug. Every time Pete is shocked how strong she is for such a little lady. “Oh look at you! You know every time I see you you look more like your grandfather. Did you get taller? I swear you've gotten taller. Who knows, maybe I'm shrinking.”

Pete isn't sure if she's shrunk or if he's grown, but his grandmother is just as much of a spitfire as she was the last time he saw her. Lorie is wearing a green church dress with flowers printed on it and matching green shoes. He can already hear the story of how she ‘got them at Ross for such a good deal’. Her silver hair is pinned into a bun and hidden under a green pillbox hat, and she's wearing the same coral lipstick she's had since the 50s. She's the same grandma he's always known and he loves her for it.

“Curt and Owen and Tati send their best wishes. They would have been here themselves but they're on vacation in Cuba. Isn't that fun! And Cynthia was going to go but she doesn't trust religious institutions, you know how she is. And of course she needs Susan's help with everything and he couldn’t leave her alone so it's just me. But aren't I lucky to be here!”

“It's good to see you too Grandma.” Pete says, finally able to get a word in edgewise. “I've missed you.”

“Oh I've missed you so much dear. You need to come down to Miami more often, it's getting hard for me to fly back up to Michigan to see you all. And with Howie in DC, ugh I swear our family is all over the place. But I'm so glad I can be here. And for such a wonderful occasion at that! I'm so glad I get to see one of my grandsons get married before I go.” She says pointedly.

“Hey!” Pete laughs at the offended cry Ted gives. “Why am I the only one getting called out? Howie isn't married either.”

Ted and Howie (as each other's only cousin for years) were constantly getting compared to each other. Ted would never admit it but he’d always been extremely jealous of his cousin Howard Goodman

“Because Howie isn't here Theodore.” Lorie states matter-of-factly. “I'm not getting any younger and I would like to see you get settled and have children.”

Ted groans. “I know Grandma. I know.” Pete can't help but watch as Emma and Paul both stare intently at the floor. Oh , he thinks, she doesn't know about them yet.

Part of him wants to laugh at the absurdity of it. Here was Ted getting scolded by their grandmother for not dating when he had two partners. Honestly.

“Well, at least I'll get to see Peter here give me a grandchild before I pass.” She says, cupping his cheeks. “And you know something Peter dear? I don't want you to feel ashamed about becoming a parent as a teenager. You're not the first member of this family to have children young and you probably won't be the last. So you just keep your chin up no matter what any judgemental jerks say about you and remember that I'm supporting you, ok?”

Pete nods at her words, tears welling in his eyes at her support. He hadn't realized how badly he'd needed to hear that until just now, but clearly he did. Maybe Boy Jerry's judgement of Pete had affected him more than he'd like to admit. “Thank you.” He whispers. “That means a lot.”

“Of course sweetheart.” She wipes away a tear from his eye and smiles reassuringly. Then something behind him catches Lorie’s gaze and she's moving past Pete at lighting speed. “Ohhh and is that the lucky lady? Come here. I need to meet my new granddaughter.”

Pete watches with relief as she pulls Stephs into a hug. He'd always known that she would accept his girlfriend, but actually seeing it happen was a huge weight off his chest. He turns back towards Ted who's watching him intently.

“What? No I've missed you hug?” Pete jokes. “I've been away for half the summer now.”

That's clearly all the encouragement Ted needed, because next thing he knows Pete is being pulled into a bear hug. “I'm glad you're okay. I've been worried about you since I dropped you off.” He whispers in Pete's ear.

“Careful. Or else I might think you missed me.” Pete laughs.

“Hey don't say it too loud. I have a reputation to maintain.” Ted fires back without missing a beat. “How are people supposed to know I'm a heartless bastard if you keep acting like have feelings and shit.”

“Guess you'll have to cope.” Pete shrugs before smiling. “I missed you too.”

“You better have.” Ted says as he releases him the hug. Paul and Emma are waiting to take his place.

“How are you feeling?” Emma asks.

“I'm okay. The acid reflux and morning sickness stopped a bit ago so that's nice.”

“Good. You better come home soon. I've missed having my least favorite customer visit.”

“Oh I'll be by soon enough. And I've got a crisp 20 waiting for your tip jar so you better sing.”

“If you tip 20 bucks I'll do the fucking cancan.”

“Close enough.” He looks over at Paul. “Good to see you again Mr.Matthews. Have you heard back from Richie yet?” Pete isn't sure why but he's never felt comfortable calling Richie’s uncle anything other than Mr. Matthews. He was sure that Paul would probably melt if he actually referred to him by his first name.

“I did. He's having a great time in Japan. I'm glad you're doing good too.”

“Yeah, I am.” Pete agrees. “It was bumpy at first but everyone's been nice so far.”

“I'm glad.” Ted sighs in relief. “I thought they'd try to make an example out of your or something like that.”

Pete winces. Ted has no clue how right he is. “About that. Could I talk to you? Privately?”

Ted nods and follows Pete over to a secluded area. He catches Steph’s eye as they pass and she shoots him the encouraging thumbs up from her seemingly never ending conversation with Lorie about wedding dresses.

“Alright what's going on?” Ted asks once they're far enough away. “Is it the rest of the campers? Are they bullying you? Jesus Christ, I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore now that Max is with Ruth.”

“It's not the other campers.” Pete starts.

“Is it Jerry then?” Ted cuts him off. “That fucking bastard. I knew he'd try to humiliate you. I mean look at you! He gave you a uniform that doesn't even fit.”

“Ted.”

“I cannot believe he would stoop low enough to bully an actual child.”

“Ted.”

“Seriously I'm going to fucking deal with him. I can't believe I thought you'd be okay here.”

“TED!” Pete finally screams and it's enough to gain his brother's attention. “It's not like that. Sorta.”

Ted raises an eyebrow. “Explain.”

“Yeah, Boy Jerry did try to make an example out of me. But it backfired really badly and now I have a different problem.”

“What do you mean it backfired?” Ted asks. He crosses his arms and gives his parented ‘you better fucking answer’ look. “Well? I'm waiting.”

“Okay.” Pete finally starts. “On the first day Boy Jerry pulled me up in front of everyone and started asking me really personal questions about the baby. And it sucked.”

“I knew it!”

“Let me finish.” He deadpans. “But then he asked me to describe how I got pregnant for everyone and… I don't know everyone was watching and I just snapped.”

Ted runs a hand through his hair. “What did you say?”

“I might have said that it was an immaculate conception.”

Ted blinks. “I'm sorry, what?”

“I said it was an immaculate conception.” He repeats himself louder. “I don't know why I said it. I was just so done with all the questions and I thought it would make him stop.”

“Ok two things.” Ted sighs and closes his eyes. “Firstly, that was fucking stupid and you're lucky he didn't make your life hell for saying that. So maybe don't do it again.”

“Secondly?” Pete dares to ask.

“Secondly,” Ted takes a deep breath, “that sounds hilarious and I wish I would have been there to see the look on his face when you told him it was an immaculate conception.”

“Yeah.” He says sheepishly. “It would have been really funny too. Except Grace believed me.”

"What?” Ted asks, staring at Pete like this conversation has aged him 10 years. It'll probably age him another 20 by the time it's done.

“Yeah. It turns out Grace Chastity doesn't understand what sarcasm is so she actually believed me. And she convinced the entire camp to believe me.”

Ted pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “So all of abstinence camp believes that you're having Jesus 2.0?”

“Pretty much everyone except for the Jerries.”

“That's a cult, Pete.”

“I didn't mean to start a cult Ted!” Pete tries to defend himself. I was going to back down but then…”

“Then what?”

“Then Grace nearly committed mutiny against the Jerries because they put me in solitary as punishment and nearly got the whole camp to join her! And it was that week that it stormed for like 3 days and the storms didn't stop until literally second I was let out of solitary, so everything thinks that was God punishing the camp. Now the Jerries are too scared of another revolution to say anything, Grace is starting a whole religion about me, and the entire camp keeps asking me religious questions like I would know the answers!”

Pete pants as he finally comes to a stop. He hadn't realized how long all of this had been building up inside him, but the second he'd started to vent he couldn't stop. It felt good though. Finally getting to tell someone everything that had happened.

“I just want to have Bean in peace, but I don't think I'm going to be able to do that now because everyone is expecting a Messiah and not, y'know a baby!”

He waits for Ted to say something, anything to help Pete get out of this mess. But he doesn't. Instead Ted just stands for what feels like an eternity, eyes clamped shut and completely silent. Then, just when Pete thinks he's going to go mad from waiting, he opens his eyes.

“Here's what you're going to do. You're going to get married today. You're going to enjoy your wedding, got it? Then you're finishing out the rest of camp, there's only a couple weeks left and it's not worth dealing with Mayor Lauter to leave now. Do not tell anyone what you've told me, okay? Stick to your story no matter what. They say they'll forgive liars but I know Jerry, he was a vindictive asshole when we were teens and I'm sure as shit he's one now. Use your little cult to keep space between him and you. Then when you go into labor, I will come get you and take you home.”

“And after?” Pete asks. He doesn't know what he's supposed to tell everyone when he has a regular baby and not their savior.

“You just have one year left until college. If anyone asks you say that the baby hasn't grown into their godly abilities yet but you're keeping a low profile for now. After graduation you're home free.”

“Ok.” Pete nods. “OK. I can do that.”

��One more thing. Grace is not allowed to be alone with Bean ever.”

“What?” Pete asked. Grace had been nothing but supportive since the start of camp. She was fine to be around.

“Think about it Petey. She's clearly bananas and she thinks your child is Jesus. What if she puts them in danger trying to unlock their powers or something?”

Pete nods, his shoulder sagging. Ted did have a point. “I guess you're right.”

“I am.” Ted nods. “Now come on. We have a wedding to get to.”

Pete spots the familiar limo of Solomon Lauter in the camp parking lot when they come back. Mayor Lauter himself however, is nowhere to be found. He scans the crowd of parents for any sight of him but nothing. Instead he finds Ruth and Max, chilling in the shade of a tree with Steph.

“There you are!” She calls when she sees Pete, pulling him to sit next to her. “I was wondering when you'd be back.”

“Sorry. Was telling Ted everything that's been going on at camp.” He says, emphasizing the last part.

“Oh.” Steph says, eyes wide. “How'd he take it?”

“Later.” Pete whispers. He looks around; Lorie is gone, as are Paul and Emma.

“Your grandma wanted to set up some decorations and dragged Paul and Emma along to help.” Steph answers his unspoken question. “She's hilarious Pete. She told me she knew how to fake passports.”

“Oh she does. She used to smuggle refugees into the states during World War II.” Pete nods.

Her jaw drops at the fact. “I'm sorry, what? That's so fucking cool!”

“Oh yeah. She's got a bunch of stories from the war if you ask her.” He looks around once more then decides to broach the subject. “I saw your dad's car in the parking lot.”

Steph tenses at the mere mention of her father. Pete, immediately regretting his decision, is about to change the subject when she speaks. “Yeah. You know how he is. Showed up long enough to remind me not to fuck up his reputation then disappeared to take a phone call from a campaign back. He'll show back up in time for the wedding. Probably.”

“I'm sorry Steph.” Pete reaches out to squeeze her hand.

“It's fine. I'm used to it.” He wants to tell her that it's not fine. That she deserves a father who cares more about her than some stupid election, but Ruth pulls him into a hug before he can actually say those words.

She’s cloaked in Max’s letterman jacket despite it being almost 80 degrees out. She’d hardly taken it off since they started dating at the end of last semester. The owner of the letterman jacket isn’t far behind her.

“I can't believe you're getting married Pete!” She squeals into his ear. “I've missed you so much, the summer has been so boring without you and Richie here! I mean Max and I've been having a lot of fun and all, but I miss my best friends.”

Pete, choosing to ignore the mental images of her ‘having fun’ with Max, pulls Ruth into a hug. “I missed you too.”

Max smiles at him and offers a fist bump. “Good to see you again. When are you getting out of here so I can whip your ass at Mario Kart?”

“You wish, Jägerman.” Pete says with a shit eating grin. It had taken a while for him to trust Max after he'd decided that he wanted to be friends. What can he say, years of bullying don't go away overnight. Honestly, Pete thought they'd never actually get along. That is until they'd ended up playing Mario Kart together during a friendly game night. Max was shockingly good at the game and they'd formed a weekly meetup to play. “We both know I'm the champ.”

“You wish.” Max grins.

“I'm glad you're both here.”

Ruth smiles and hugs him once more. “I wouldn't miss it for the world. And the baby! You're getting huge.”

“Yeah, that's what happens when you're pregnant, Ruth.” He states matter-of-factly.

“Yeah but you're really huge! Are you sure it's not twins?” Pete shakes his head no, eliciting a sigh from her. “I swear you're so fucking lucky! You're the only one of us who has proof that they're not a virgin.”

Pete turns and stares at her. “Hey Ruth, I think you should go over that sentence again, because you just implied you want to be a teen mom.”

“Well maybe I do Peter.” She insists. “You know I'd make a sexy Mom. The milf of all milfs.”

“Did you just call yourself the one ring of milfs?” Pete laughs.

“Maybe I did.”

“Well,” Steph cuts in, “you might want to stop while you're ahead. Or else Max will stop wanting to have fun with you.”

“There you are!” Grace calls out, stopping whatever horrifying response Ruth was surely forming. He'd known Ruth for years and loved her like a sister, but sometimes Pete truly couldn't understand the way her mind worked. Grace runs over to the group. “Come on! You have to go get ready! The wedding is soon!”

“Already?” Pete asks. He can see Lorie coming back with Emma and Paul thank god. “I thought we had more time?”

“No!” Grace cries. “Which is why you need to hurry.”

“Okay.” Steph says helping Pete stand up. “I guess I'll head back to my cabin then. See you at the altar?”

“See you then. Love you.” Pete turns towards Ted. “Guess we should head to my cabin then.”

“Actually I'll catch up with you. I want to talk to Steph alone first.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I won't be long.” Ted says before following Steph to her cabin.

“Come on Peter.” Lorie says. “I have a gift for you. And you can show me your private cabin.”

“Okay Grandma. It's not much though.” Pete says, guiding her towards the Gomorrah cabin. Only, when they've taken two steps towards his cabin, Grace steps in front of them both.

“No going to your cabin until after the wedding.” She says, voice full of authority.

“What?” Pete asks incredulously. “Grace, you literally just said I have to get ready.”

“No going to your cabin until after the ceremony. Girl Jeri's orders. Get ready in the big house.”

He sighs. “Really Grace?”

“Really. Now go get ready!” She says, shooing them in the opposite direction.

The walk to the big house is quick, even with Lorie’s walker, and soon enough they're in a private room of the big house getting ready. Well Pete was getting ready. Lorie sat in a chair drinking lemonade and giving him all the marital advice she can muster.

“Now remember Peter, you're going to argue at times, that's normal. Healthy even. It's not good to bottle all that stuff up. But what's important is that afterwards you both tell each other you love the other. Reaffirm your love even when you're upset.” She says between sips of lemonade.

Pete nods along. “I will.” He promises. “I want her to always know that I love her.”

“That's a good boy.” Lorie smiles. “Now come show me how handsome you look.”

Pete sighs and steps out from the changing room. His outfit was simple. A pair of white jeans, a white button up, and white suspenders. The all white had been Grace's idea, apparently it would emphasize their commitment to abstinence until marriage. Pete didn't really care about that of course, but he had to admit the all white suited him.

“Oh look at how handsome you are!” Lorie cooes upon seeing him. “Give me a little spin, come on.”

Pete does as he told, spinning around so she can get the full effect. She praises him more and even he can't keep the smile off his face that forms from hearing his grandma call him handsome.

“I look like a groom then?” He asks.

“The handsomest groom I ever saw. Other than your grandfather of course. Now get over here so I can give you your present.” Lorie says, patting the seat next to her. Pete is happy to oblige, sitting beside her as he fixes his hair.

“You didn't have to get me a gift.”

“Oh pish posh. Of course I'm going to get my grandson a present.” She says, handing him a small black velvet box. “Now this is from your Grandpa Curt and your Grandma Tati too, okay? So you remember to thank them the next time you see them.”

“I will, I promise.” Pete says as he opens the box. Inside are two silver wedding bands. He picks one up and sees PS engraved on the inside. The does the same for the other and sees SL. He recognizes them, they’re his grandparents rings“Grandma Lorie?” He asks in a whisper.

“We knew you would have any rings, with the wedding being so short notice, but we didn't want you to have to do without. They're from when Curt married Tati. Since they’re not using them anymore they thought you should have them. And your Grandpa Owen called in a favor with a friend to get them engraved. They have your initials on them, that way you'll always carry your love with you. There’s a letter in there from your grandpa.”

To say Pete’s family tree is complicated would be an understatement. Grandpa Curt and Grandpa Owen had been in love since the 1950s but for complicated reasons that Pete had never fully understood, Curt had married a Russian Immigrant and had and raised two girls with her. But when gay marriage was finally legalized a few years ago, Curt and Tati had gotten a divorce and Curt and Owen had finally gotten married.

Pete had been the ringbearer when Curt and Owen had gotten married and he’d never forget the absolute joy on their faces when they finally became husbands. He’s fiddling with the rings while he reads it

Pete,

Your brother told us the good news and I’m sorry we couldn’t make it. Though Ma will probably make you have another one (if you don’t want that just let me know I’ve been dodging wedding questions since your mother was a twinkle in your grandmother's eye) but I figured if I couldn’t be there for you I figured I could give you these.

When I married Tati we both knew that we’d never be able to be a proper husband and wife to each other but we did have a nice life together. Then I got to marry the love of my life and it was the best day of my life. I hope despite everything this is the best day of your life. We can’t wait to meet your wife at Thanksgiving.

Love from all of us

Curt, Owen, and Tati

“They're beautiful. Thank you.” He hugs her tightly when he finishes reading. “I love them. I know Steph will love them. It's too much.”

“Nonsense.” Lorie waves him off. “You two deserve it. Now how do you feel?”

“I feel…” Pete takes a deep breath. “I feel ready to get married.”

Half an hour later Pete is standing under the giant cross, Ted standing beside him. Boy Jerry is standing in front of him, wearing an expression that should only be reserved for stepping on Legos. Good , Pete thinks. Everyone is seated in front of him, all that's left is to wait for Steph to make her grand entrance. The group is mostly silent save for the occasional whisper that ripples through the crowd. Pete can't blame them for being curious though; after all, it is the only wedding to take place at Camp Idontwannabang. And the groom being pregnant probably only adds to the allure of it all.

He's sure he'd have his questions if he were in their shoes.

The first strums of the wedding march plays and the audience stands up for the bride. And that's really all Pete notices because then Stephanie is there, walking down the aisle to marry him and the rest of the world melts away.

The dress is made of delicate lace and clings to her form in a way that fills Pete with so many thoughts that not even all the wallets in the world could get rid of them all. The sleeves are long and sheer billowing out just under her elbows. Her hair is styled in loose curls, with a flower crown resting atop her head. She looks like a goddess and Pete feels underdressed in comparison.

Then his eyes trail to the figure next to her and his heart leaps. Pete had figured that Solomon would walk her down the aisle since that's traditional, or that she'd walk herself down the aisle if Solomon couldn't pull his head out of his own ass long enough to support his daughter. But no, escorting Steph down the aisle is his Grandma Lorie, beaming at anyone who looks at her. Their arms are intertwined and even Lorie's walker has been decorated with flowers. It's amazing.

Finally, she reaches the altar and stands in front of Pete. He gives his grandma a kiss on the cheek and before taking Steph's hands and pulling her as close as he was allowed to. The music stops and Boy Jerry gives a sermon that's probably full of his usual bullshit on the importance of abstinence, but Pete doesn't hear a word of it. All that matters is Steph is in front of him and they're about to be married. They'll be a family: him, Steph and their baby. Just like it was always meant to be.

He doesn't really pay attention until it's time to say their vows, and even then it takes Ted nudging him with his foot for Pete to tear his gaze away from Steph to look at the vows he'd written.

“Steph.” He reads, voice already thick with tears. “I know there's a mountain of reasons for why we shouldn't be here today: we're young, we've only been together for nine months, we're still in high school. And maybe that's all true. But so is this: you are the best thing to ever happen to me. My life has completely transformed in the short time that we've been together, and I owe that all to you. So maybe we are young and maybe this is too soon, but I love you and I love the family we've built together. And most importantly, I want to do whatever it takes so that we can make this work. So Stephanie Lauter, I vow this to you: I vow to be a better husband every day than I was the day before. I vow to be a team with you to be the best parents possible for our baby. I vow to love you always, even when I'm upset with you, and to always make sure you know it. I vow to treat you with the care you deserve and trust you'll do the same for me. I vow to support you through good times and bad. But most of all, I vow to grow with you until we become the best versions of ourselves together.”

Tears streamed freely down Steph's face as he spoke and Pete knew that they matched the tears on his own. He watched as Steph, with shaky hands, pulled out her own vows and began to read.

“Pete,

Before you came into my life I didn't believe in love. To me love was something that only existed in romance movies where the protagonists kiss in the rain. I believed that looking for love only left you vulnerable to being hurt, and I wanted to avoid that at all costs. When we met I wasn't looking for love, I wasn't even looking for a friend. But you slowly chipped away at my walls until you became both for me. And you taught me what love really is. Love isn't just grand gestures in romance movies. Love is practicing jokes that I think will make you laugh. Love is when you buy an extra coffee just to be nice. Love is wanting to dance with you even though I suck at it. Love is staying up late studying so I can make you proud. Love is knowing I can be vulnerable around you and you won't judge me for it. And I want to share that love forever, not only with you but with our baby. I want to learn what love is by your side every day.”

“The rings?” Jerry asks. Clearly he wasn't expecting Pete to actually have rings l, judging by the look on his face when he saw the box.

Pete takes out one of the rings and places it on Steph’s hand, delighting in the gasp she let out at the sight. He was definitely going to thank his grandparents for the gift. Steph does the same for him, sliding the ring on with a soft smile.

The rest of the ceremony passes by in a blur, Pete barely hears himself speak as he vows to be faithful, supportive, whatever else was asked of him. He could have vowed to open a goat farm with her for all he knew, and he didn't care. And, as they were pronounced husband and wife and he pulled Steph in for the allowed approved kiss at camp, only one thought rang through his mind.

I can't believe I'm lucky enough to marry Stephanie Lauter.

The reception is far better than Pete expected it to be shockingly enough: the music is decent even if it was all family friendly, there is lots of dancing, albeit very monitored dancing, the food is tasty, and the lack of alcohol isn't really a problem considering that he was pregnant.

It's towards the end of the night when the best surprise of the night happened though. The crowds had started to die down with the setting of the sun: Ruth and Max left early to ‘practice the opposite of abstinence’ (Ruth's own words), Solomon had barely stayed through dinner before leaving for an emergency meeting, and even Ted had left already, having driven Lorie back to her hotel so she could catch that evening's episode of Jeopardy.

It was just the two of them now, sat under their favorite tree together. The rest of the campers were off somewhere enjoying the festivities, but none of that really matters to Pete. All that matters is that he and Steph are officially married.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look?” He asks, a dopey grin plastered on his face.

“Once or twice.” Steph quips with a grin.

“So not not nearly enough then.” He says, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger.

“You're such a sap, Pete.”

“Hey!” He gasps in mock offense. “I'm pregnant and today is our wedding day. I've earned the right to be a sap.”

“I guess you're right.” She sighs dramatically and lays her head on his shoulder. “You look good too, you know.”

“Not nearly as good as you.”

“Doubtful. Although, I did miss the bow tie.”

“Ted's idea. I wear them all the time so he figured it would look more special without one. Besides, I thought the bowtie was dorky?”

“Well it is, but you're a nerd so it works.” Steph smiles. “And it might be growing on me.”

“I knew it.”

“It only works on you though.”

He laughs. “Glad I'm the exception then.”

Steph smiles and fiddles with her wedding band. “These are beautiful. How did you manage to get them that fast?”

“They were a gift from my grandparents.” Pete clarifies. “They were my grandma and grandpa's wedding bands.”

“And the engravings?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Another wedding gift. Grandpa Owen has a friend who does engravings. This way we always have our hearts with us.” He says, playing with his own ring.

“Wow, that's so sweet. I see who you get your sappiness from.”

“Hey!”

“I'm just teasing you.” She snorts.

Pete rolls his eyes, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “You're lucky I love you.”

“I know I am.” She responds earnestly.

He almost asks who the sap is now, but they're interrupted by the approaching of Girl Jeri. She smiles softly at them. “Would you come with me please?”

Steph groans. “What now? It's our wedding day!”

“Please come with me.” Jeri repeats herself. “There's a surprise for you.”

They share a moment of eye contact before nodding. Then they're up off the ground, following Jeri to wherever this mysterious surprise is.

They're about halfway there when Pete realizes exactly where they're heading.

“Wait…” Pete asks. “Are we really just heading back to my cabin?”

Seriously? All this ruckus just to take them back to his cabin? The cabin that she banned him from.

“The surprise is at your cabin now, come on.” Jeri replies, walking faster. The closer they get to Pete's cabin, the more pep she has in her step. Which is shocking for a person who's already that perky.

After about 5 minutes or so they finally reach the Gomorrah Cabin. Or well, they should have reached the Gomorrah Cabin. But where the sign above the cabin door once read Gomorrah in big blocky let's, it now says Bethlehem neat print. Pete turns and looks at Jeri in confusion.

“Tada! You are no longer the Gomorrah Cabin. Now you are the Bethlehem Cabin!” She smiles at them. Not one of her saccharine fake smiles, but a real genuine smile. It suits her. In fact, without the fake smile Pete thinks she almost looks kind.

This still doesn't change the fact that he has no clue what this name change means.

“You don't deserve to live in a cabin named after such an awful place So I decided to change it.” She admits when he gives her a confused look. “I thought Bethlehem was appropriate, seeing as you're carrying the Messiah.”

“Wow. Thank you Girl Jeri.” Pete says. Truth be told, he doesn't care what the name on the cabin says, but this clearly means a lot to her. Maybe this was her way of trying to apologize.

“Yeah.” Steph says from beside him clearly just as confused as he is. “That's really nice of you.”

“There's one more surprise.” Jeri says as she opens the door. Pete's jaw drops in shock because this morning the cabin had two twin beds that had been pushed together in preparation for tonight. But now they're gone and in their place is a single full size bed.

“Wow.” He says in shock.

He and Steph enter the cabin and sit on the bed. The mattress is soft, far softer than the other bunks. He can't believe Jeri would get this for them.

“You two are married now, and tonight is technically your honeymoon, so you deserve and appropriate bed for such an occasion.” Jeri says. “And since you're married I suppose it wouldn't matter if you were to say… consummate the marriage.”

He almost laughs at that. Of course she would call it consummating. It's probably the only term allowed in her church. And yet… She got them a new bed with her own money and gave them permission to have sex. She was clearly trying here.

“Thank you.” He whispers.

Jeri nods in response. “Just remember, not all of us are in it to control people. Some of us genuinely want to help people.” She says and then she's gone, the door shut tightly behind it.

And there, on this new bed with his wife in his arms and their baby in his belly, does Pete feel his cabin transform from a den of sin to a holy place.

A/N: Lorraine Mega and the rest of the saf gang will return in the eventual thanksgiving special. Yes, the spankoffski family tree is insane, don't question it. Special thanks to Pizza and Spoons my wonderful coauthors. As always, if you liked this, leave a comment!

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