#max come save your man from his crazy ex

[queeniemay39]

I’m gonna need Max to bust down that door to Roddys place and carry Adam out of there. He couldn’t even watch his Max wrestle!

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Chapter 1

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: Joel is a simple man. He goes to work, he takes care of his kindergarten age daughter, he tries to make sure Tommy doesn't die and occasionally Tess comes over. He works on Frank and Bill's farm with Tommy, Tess, and another coworker, Max. For his birthday, Tommy drags Joel out to a local grunge band's show, music he knows Joel hates. Joel is surprised to find Tess's girlfriends best friend, a girl they all call Blue because of the blue in her hair, has caught his attention.

What he doesn't know is she is trans. When he finds out, he's very confused, not because he judges her, but because he's not sure what it means for him. Does it make him gay? What does trans even mean? He's very confused. Still, despite all the confusion Joel has an open mind and he just knows that he has a lot of feelings for you and he wants to try. Joel goes on a journey of learning, not only what your trans identity means but also how to take care of himself, how to set boundaries, and learning he doesn't need carry the whole world on his shoulders.

Joel loves country, is as yeehaw as they come. Blue loves grunge, and looking as edgy as she can get by as a school teacher. Can you and Joel make it all work with the one thing that bonds them both together; flannel?

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

A/N: I am not a trans woman, but I am trans. I am doing my best research! If I got something wrong or accidentally say something offensive, please tell me! Same with Sarah's hair. I learned a LOT about black hair care from living with my black roommate for 2 years, and watching a lot of youtube. Again, if im incorrect or offensive, let me know and ill correct! I just want Joel to care about his daughters hair <3

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

It all started with Tommy, as most adventures do. Joel was certain Tommy would make sure to mention that fact during his best man speech.

“You have got to get out more. You’re making me stir crazy just watching you sit at home.”

Joel rolled his eyes, packing Sarah’s lunch. He was happy to throw in some plums, Sarah’s favorite fruit, that he got from the food pantry. Since Sarah started kindergarten and he didn’t have to pay for nearly as much childcare, things had gotten less horrifically tight financially but now he was playing catch up. Catching pneumonia last winter had drained his little savings with an ER visit. Joel desperately wanted to not rely on charity, but he also didn’t want Sarah to go without. 

“How would you know, you’re never even home.” Since getting out of the army, Tommy has not adjusted well. Joel was happy to let him live in the house he built for his ex-fiance on his parents land they gifted when Sarah was born. Tommy was a help with Sarah and was good company when he wasn’t out partying.

“Hey.” Tommy looked a little offended. “I’m here plenty. Just ask Sarah.” Sarah adored her uncle.

Joel sighed. “You’re right.” He wasn’t. “But I ain’t going. I can’t afford that, and I’d like to spend my days off with Sarah.”

Tommy tossed a cosmic brownie from the box he bought into Sarah’s lunchbox. “Come oooooon. Sarah loves the babysitter, and one night out won’t traumatize her forever. I’ll pay for the sitter, I already got tickets and I’ll even cover your drinks.”

Joel would rather the money go towards Sarah’s next dental appointment, but he couldn’t tell Tommy where to spend his money, and he knew there was no saying no to his brother when he gets like this. “How many bands are playing? I ain’t sitting through three openers, Tom.”

“Just one! You’re coming!” Tommy ran out of the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time before Joel could protest. “Sarah! Guess who gets to hang out with Jessica tonight!” Joel could hear the sound of springs bouncing as Sarah cheered and called out if the bed breaks, Tommy’s fixing it.

After getting Sarah dressed, he sat her down on a chair in the kitchen and looked at the clock. “Only got time for a ponytail, baby girl.” Joel had figured out some simple hair care for thick hair he wasn’t quite equipped to work with. Before Sarah was born, he didn’t know how to do a single braid. Joel had practiced a little before Tommy had to chop off his hippie curls for the army but he still was lost in a lot of ways. 2 years ago, Joel must’ve looked particularly lost in the ethnic hair aisle with Sarah in the cart and a kind woman guided him to some hair gel, argan oil, and an edge brush, scribbling a few instructions on some scratch paper. That’s what's gotten him through this far. Joel kept thinking he needed to reach out somewhere or maybe find a book… but with what time? 

Kayla, Sarah’s mom, wasn’t much help either. Kayla was mixed and absolutely inherited the polish side as far as hair, where Sarah got her late grandma’s genes. Kayla wanted to chemically straighten Sarah’s beautiful curls last year when she had her over Easter, but Joel put his foot down. When she was older, if she wanted to do whatever she wanted with her hair, braids, relaxed, wigs, she could but there was no way he was letting all those chemicals into a 4 year olds head just to make it ��easier.” Joel could handle it.

She looked cute with her little puffball on the top of her head, anyway. 

“TOMMY! LETS GO!” Why was Tommy harder to get out the door than Sarah was?

Little hands tugged at his shirt. “Daddy I want coffee.” 

“No baby”

“Why?”

“It’s not good for little kids.”

“Uncle Tommy lets me have coffee.”

Joel sighed loudly. “Of course he did. Well, Sarah, that’s an uncle thing, I don’t know what to tell you. TOMMYYY!”

Tommy’s heavy footsteps clomped down the steps, dashing out the door. “Come one Jojo, whatcha wait’n for?”

*

How did little kids have so much energy in the morning? Tommy included. Sarah was chatty as ever on her way, talking excitedly about the eggs in the classroom's incubator. He tried to pay attention, he really did, but he was busy trying to figure out what bills he still owes. It was only September, one month into not having to pay out the ass for Sarah’s daycare. Was he even gonna be able to catch up at all before the summer comes? Her mom said she wanted to take her for the summer, but she was single right now and slightly more involved. When she finds a new man, she suddenly becomes much less interested in her child. Joel didn’t want Sarah around strange men all the time either.

“Daddy? Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?”

Tommy nudged Joel, calling him name for Sarah’s attention.

“What?” Joel said, not unkindly but perhaps a little too harsh than he wanted to speak around his daughter. 

“Happy birthday daddy.”

Joel closed his eyes briefly, wincing at his prior tone. “Thank you baby. I’ll bring home a cake, how about that.” He felt like he could cry, snapping at his sweet girl for trying to wish him happy birthday. He was so bad at this.

Both children in the car cheered.

Joel dropped Sarah off with several kisses on her forehead, then ran off to the truck. He might just be on time if he speeds a bit. He didn’t speed with Sarah in the truck, he was less careful with Tommy. 

“Just in time!” Tess’s voice greeted them in the farm house. “You guys eat?”

She knew the answer. Sarah’s kindergarten had a free breakfast program, leaving Joel and Tommy on their own and god knows they didn’t take proper care of themselves. Luckily, they had great bosses.

Joel, Tommy, and Tess all worked for Bill and Frank on their farm. Joel had stumbled on this job shortly after Kayla left and God, what a blessing. Bill and Frank had trouble finding help being the only gay farmers on the planet to felt like, but Joel wasn’t really in a position to deny a good paying job, not in this economy, not with a baby who barely had a mom around anymore. This was before Tommy came back from the army, and Joel’s parents dead a few years prior. He was alone.

That’s where he met Tess. She was something else. A woman working as a farm hand alone was surprising enough, but she was the first openly bisexual person Joel had met. Hell, she was the only the third gay person he knew of and the first woman. He’d lived a sheltered life. Still, Joel didn’t really see an issue with none of it. Wasn’t his business what two grown adults did, that was his thought on the matter. Not that he really had enough time to have thoughts on much of anything other than keeping Sarah and Tommy alive. When Tommy came back, he started working on the farm too.

Tess slid the men some pancakes, stating she knew it and went ahead and made extra.

Frank entered the room with something in his hand. “Wait!” He placed the item, which Joel saw was a candle on the the pancake.

“Oh, no, you guys don’t gotta-”

“Shut the hell up, Miller.” Bill entered the room with a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a lighter in the other. He lit the candle, and then a cigarette. 

Frank took it out of his hand, putting it out under the sink. “If you absolutely must smoke, you’re not smoking inside our home.” He then turned back to Joel. “Happy birthday, Joel.” The forth employee, Max, enters the farmhouse and then embarrassingly, Franks leads everyone (except Bill) in a very shitty rendition of happy birthday.

*

“Hey,” Tess nudged Joel as she attempted to fix the clutch without calling Bill up. “You coming tonight?”

Joel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Tommy convinced me. He also told Sarah it’s my birthday so now I gotta bring home cake and do a bit of the birthday thing with her. I was hoping to avoid it another year.”

She laughed at that. “Ah come on! It can’t be that bad.”

“She’s not, it’s my birthday that is.” 

“I know.” Tess patted his back.

Joel and her worked in silence for a moment, but he figured this was as good a time as any. “Hey uh… so. You and Tommy.”

Tess smirked, but didn’t look at him. “What about my dear friend?”

“Well uh, that’s just it…” Joel cleared his troat, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just, you guys been spending a lot of time together, and I’m just… well you know he’s at tough spot right now…-”

“When isn’t he?”

“Right. Well. I’m just wondering… Well.”

With a chuckle, she put down the wrench and turned to look at Joel with a smile. “You’re wondering if Tommy and I are an item.”

Cringing hard enough his eyes were closed, Joel nods.

“Don’t worry about your baby brother, he can handle himself.”

“Can he?”

“Joel. Look at me.”

Joel forced his eyes open.

“Tommy and I fuck sometimes to blow off steam, don’t act you’re much different.”

“It was one time!”

“It was 4 times, glad to know that I’m that forgettable.” Tess continued with her teasing before Joel could protest. “Listen, I know you’re worried about him, but Tommy and I aren’t interested in dating each other. It’s just for fun sometimes. Tommy puts up a tough front but I’d eat that boy alive.”

Finally, Joel laughed. Yes, she would.

Tess went back to work. “Besides, you’re meeting my new girlfriend tonight, birthday boy.”

*

Joel was exhausted, washing his hands and forearms and face before leaving to get Sarah. He tried to stay as clean as possible for Sarah. She didn’t need to know how hard he worked for her.

“Hey Joel, I get to watch Sarah this fall don’t I?” Frank asked as he sauntered into the kitchen. 

Joel tried to protest, as he did every year, but it was merely a formality to be polite. He couldn’t afford childcare in the late hours it took to get harvest done. Hopefully it wouldn’t be so bad now that Max was hired on, he didn’t see Sarah hardly at all harvest. Joel would come back to the farmhouse to find Sarah asleep on the couch with Frank, who was no help with farming. He handled the finances and paperwork, and functioned as a babysitter in pinches. Joel was forever indebted to the couple, inclduding Bill despite his facade of toughness.

“Nonsense Joel. I look forward to seeing her every time.” Sarah fucking loved Frank. He was teaching her painting and how to have a proper tea party, real tea and all. But with a lot of sugar. 

Speaking earnestly, Joel tried to express his appreciation. “Thanks, Frank. I appreciate it. I couldn’t do this without you.”

Frank clapped Joel on the shoulders, sliding him a card. “Thank you for everything you do. We really value you. I know Bill doesn’t say it much, or at all, but we appreciate you here.” He walked off, knowing Joel would protest the $500 cash inside the card.

*

“Daddy! Daddy! I made a friend!” Sarah exclaimed excitedly, running up to her father still covered in her paint smock that quickly transferred the red and blue onto Joel’s jeans.

“Is that so? Who is it?”

Sarah pointed to a little brunette girl sitting in time out. “That’s Ellie! She’s in trouble because she pretended a block was a gun.”

“Oh.”

*

At home, Joel went through the evening routine with Sarah, Tommy having gone with Tess to pre-game. He fed her as much of the macaroni she’d eat, bathed her and made sure to make things as easy for the sitter as possible. When Jessica came over, a nice local teenager that was great with Sarah, he briefed her as he tried to clean up the kitchen. 

“Daddy? Where’s the cake.”

Goddammit of course he forgot something. He just can’t do anything right, can he? He was a shitty dad, a shitty brother, a shitty boyfriend, a needy employee-

“Where's the birthday boy!” Tommy burst in, followed by a group of people, some he knew, some he didn’t. With him was Tess carrying a cake.

“TESS!!!!!!” Sarah shouted, but went more for the cake she carried.

“Hiya, love bug!” She patted her ponytail. “Ready to sing happy birthday at the top of your lungs?”

Hadn’t she had enough happy birthdays? She must’ve known he’d forget the cake. They hadn’t been pregaming at all, they were making him a cake.

Tess hands the cake to Tommy, then gestures to the women next to her. Dark skinned, tall, her hair in… locks? Were those called locks? He was cooked. He needs to learn hair. “This is Talia, my girlfriend.”

Talia smiled brightly, extended a hand which Joel shook. “So nice to meet you, Mr. Miller. Tess talks a lot about you Tommy and Max, it’s nice to put faces to the names.”

“Please, Joel is fine. I may ache like an old man, but I’m not one yet.” Joel joked with a soft but tired smile. He turned to tess. “Max coming?”

“Yup.” She shot him a look to be nice. Joel wasn’t fond of max. Good worker, shit head of a person. Joel knew he couldn’t really blame all Tommy’s shit on bad influences, but Max didn’t help. “And this,” She gestured over to another woman who he had just been too flustered to notice until now. “Is Talia’s best friend.”

You were absolutely fucking stunning, unlike anyting he’d ever seen in his life. Tight white tank top, tight leather pants and a leather jacket. In your hair was a streak of vibrant blue. Your eyes connected with his and for a moment, he forgot about all the other people in the room. 

“Oh, um, hello,” Joel shook your hand when he snapped out of it, repeating your name.

You smile at him. “Actually, most people just call me Blue.”

A small voice from Joel’s hip. “Is that because of your hair? Why is it blue? Are you sick?”

“Sarah! Don’t be rude.”

Chuckling brightly, you promise it’s okay and crouch down to Sarah’s eye level. “I’m not sick. I actually dye it like that.”

“But why?”

Internally, Joel groaned, thinking you’d take offense at the line of questions Sarah’s certainly had ready, but you just answered. “Well, I think it makes me look pretty, just you’re cute hair style makes you look pretty.”

Sarah lit up at that. “My daddy did it!!!”

“He did? That’s so awesome! You have such a nice daddy.”

Sarah nodded in avid agreement. “He’s the BEST!”

Joel couldn’t help smiling at that. He always felt like he was failing her, but she loved him regardless. “I can’t do a lot, but I’m trying to learn. I can do a mean ponytail.” Joel caught Tommy smirking at him.

Once the babysitter took Sarah to wash up for cake, Talia quietly spoke to Joel, still attached to Tess's arm. “Tess told me her mom isn’t really involved. I’d love to help you learn how to care for black hair.”

Joel felt his heart drop. “Oh shit, does it look terrible? I really tried but I don’t even know where to go and-”

Talia cut him off with a laugh and a hand up. “No, not at all! It looks very healthy. I just mean if you’d like to learn how to do more, especially as it gets longer.”

Always embarrassed to ask for help, he always swallowed his pride for Sarah. “Yeah, yeah actually I’d really like that… I’ll play yuh, don’t worry I wouldn’t make you do it for free-”

She attempted to say he didn’t need to pay, but Tess told her it was useless to try and fight. Joel figured the bonus from Bill and Frank could pay for Sarah’s dentist cleaning and the rest he could pay Talia. 

After a terrible happy birthday and saying goodbye to Sarah longer than really necessary, Joel was dragged out of the house to go to some shitty local grunge bands show for his birthday.

Joel fucking hated his birthday.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! I can't beleive people actually wanted to read this!!! We need more trans rep in this fandom <3

First chapter setting things up, then one chapter per week for 6 weeks for my Oscar/Pedro pride event!!! each chapter 2-7 will follow themes of the week until the happy end <3

MEET THE OC'S

Talia Monroe

Tess's girlfriend, Blue's bestfriend. Talia is joyfriend and high energy. She offers to help Joel learn black hair to properly care for Sarah.

Max Waltz

Works on the farm with Joel, Tommy, and Tess. Tommy likes him, Joel hates him, Tess ears towards liking him but tries to keep him in check. Max is a generally barzen man, hates his wife, is loud and annoying to Joel.

Kayla Carter

*no face claim right now*

Joel's high school sweetheart and ex-fiance, Sarah's mom. Kayla is in an out of sarah's life, lives out of town and is only around when its convinient, leaving Joel with alone.

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[letswrites]

C.L- Never be the same

Masterlist

Synopsis

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Chapter 1 everybody, let's get into this!!! Enjoy :)

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Chapter 1: A girl with hazel eyes and a hand full of scars

May, 2023

York Veterinary Center, NYC, USA

"You need some break from this!" Heidi said bending over the receptionist's counter "I don't have time for a break" she said while signing a few records "I bet you have you just don't want to" She sighed and stared at her "Probably you have a lot of doctors here. You work a lot and I am one hundred percent you can take a break for a whole week if you asked to. You just don't want to delegate" "What can I do in my time off?" "Don't you have any hobbies, family or friends?" "I have. I have time for them on the weekends" "What about a trip? I know you like the French Riviera" she looked out of nowhere with a dreamy expression on her face "Yes, Monaco personally" "See? Talk to your boss, take a a few days off, go to Monaco" "Nah, I would need to save some money for it" she thought a little "So come to Miami with me" "Miami?" "Yes" "What do you have to do in Miami?" "Go to the beach, watch Miami Heat play, watch Formula 1" "Formula 1" she always forgets Heidi dates Daniel Riccardo "Do you like it?" her last ex was crazy about it. It have been 6 years since they broke up and she haven't seen one race since then "I haven't watched a grand prix for a while now" "Really?" "Yes. 6 years" "Wow. It's a lot" "Yeah. Is Daniel still racing?" "Not at the moment but he's Red Bull's reserve driver" "That's nice" Heidi disagreed with that "Did you attend a race already?" "Never" "Come with me then! I can get you a VIP pass with Dan" She actually missed watching the races and she always wished to go to watch one in person. It would also be expensive even with the tickets on Daniel but less than Monaco for sure "Alright, H, I go with you" "Really?!" "If I get the day off, yes" "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so happy!" She jumped over her and hugged her friend "Okay, now let me work" "Alright"

...

May, 7th, 2023

Miami International Autodrome, Miami, USA

Charles was everything but satisfied with his position that weekend. Carlos started from 3rd position and him from 7th. What a good way to start a race. The thing that made him most angry was how could super Max win the damn race starting from 9th in the grid when he couldn't even gain one single position?! At least he maintained in 7th while his teammate lost 2 positions ending in 5th. Things were shady between the Ferrari's drivers that year. And the "crème de la crème" of the weekend was an annoying journalist wanting to talk to him at all costs

"Is it a good time?" It wasn't a good time, he hadn't stopped Super Max and he climbed the grid to get the pole. But even so, he smiled politely "Yes, sure" he wasn't convincing himself but seemed to convince the lady "Good! Charles, how do you feel?" Broken. Useless. "Not in my best mood, but... Looking forward to better days" "That's the spirit. Can we do something to up your mood?" Force Max to retire next season "Just keep supporting me, seriously, your love messages... Mean a lot to me" the interviewer opened a warm smile "You're lovely" he opened the same smile "I'm just being honest" and he was "would you like to make a retribution for a fan?" No! At least not right now. I was just hoping that you all would leave me alone to hate myself for the crap I'm feeling today "Sure" "Great! Please follow me" Nice! Now he had to relocate. "Wait here" she walked a few feet towards a tall man "Excuse me" She started. The man who was laughing with two girls turned to the lady who Charles knew as 'the interviewer' "Daniel Ric? Are you the fan of mine?" Daniel opened his big signature smile "No. I mean, I am but the surprise isn't for me but for this little one here" Daniel stepped to the side and showed a little girl, who was about 6 to 8 years old, wearing Ferrari's whole outfit. The journalist squatted and asked the girl "Hello. My name is Valeriana, I’m a journalist, do you want to meet my friend?" 'We are not friends' Charles thought. The kid nodded "Charles, would you like to join us?" "Sure!" he said shyly and the child tapped her mouth as she was meeting Santa "Oh, my God" he didn't know why but her reaction gave him the power he wanted back. He smiled and offered a hug to the little one, lifting her up with one arm only "I didn't know the fan was her. Could have warned me so I would have aligned my hair" he told Valeriana running his fingers on his hair, causing everyone to laugh "Hi, nice to meet you, princess" she was still the same way, frozen like a photograph "She's a shy lady, don't be offended" Daniel placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed lightly "Hi!" she said quickly just for him "Hi! How's your name?" he replied warmly, a smile on his face "Celeste" "That's a beautiful name. Is it French?" "Yes" "Nice to meet you, Celeste. I'm Charles" "You're amazing" "Do you think?" "Yes" "Well, thank you, Celeste. You're also amazing" she blushed, wishing to disappear "Would you like me to sign your cap?" "Please" "And take a picture?" she nodded affirmatively " Okay, let's do it. Will you take the picture, Dan?" "Sure!" Daniel grabbed Celeste's mother's cell phone and photographed them "There you go" "Does someone have a pen?” Charles asked. People started to look around for a black marker as if God had asked himself, and the first person who did it was a girl, one of the girls who was talking to Daniel when he first came to the scene "Here" she had a strong American accent and her hands had tons of scars. He didn't feel as hypnotized as he was at that moment in a while. She had brown, straight, short hair but long enough to be tied, hazel eyes, and light skin which he figured out was soft even with all the scars when his fingers brushed on hers at the moment he grabbed the marker "Thanks" she nodded. Charles placed Celeste on the ground and knelled to sign her cap and shirt "There you go, Celeste" she hugged him "Thank you!" he hugged "You're welcome" Then he stood up "Say goodbye to Charlie, Celeste" Daniel told her "Goodbye" he smiled, she was so cute "Bye bye" then she ran for her mother . "Thanks, Charles" "It was my pleasure" then he walked away from the journalist and walked towards the owner of the pen "Your pen, miss" "Thanks" she grabbed it quickly "Would you like me to sign something for you?" "No, thank you" "Or a picture?" "I'm good" Wow, she was tough "Do you know I..." "You're Charles Leclerc, I'm aware" "Oh... okay"' he coughed "Goodbye, then" "Goodbye" If little Celeste didn't appear to cheer up his day, he would be damned.

...

Later that day

"Come on, it will be funny. I promise" Lando threw an arm around Charles's neck and forced him to walk toward the club "Lando" the British man pretended he wasn't listening "Lando" he still didn’t give a shit "Lando!" Charles shouted. Lando stopped and the Monegasque got rid of him "What!? Don't want to have some fun?" "Lando..." "Even Max is here, mate!" he turned to where his friend was pointing. Max was holding hands with Kelly and right beside them Daniel holding hands with a blonde lady he assumed was his girlfriend and with them, the hazel eyes princess who caught his attention earlier that day "Look in my eyes and tell me you don't want to come with me. Do this and I'll let you go"

of course, he wanted now, his girlfriend probably wouldn't but he was not going to do anything wrong "You won. I'm joining you" Lando smiled "Yes! Let's go" and they walked into the club. Already inside the duo decided to split

"I'll have us some drinks, go dance" "Will you find me?" "Sure! Who else would dance so badly in this club?” Charles threw him a deadly look “I’ll call you if I don't, mate" "Alright" Lando made his way to the bar and Charles to the crowd. Maybe dancing made his mind off the championship. Even though his mind was already on something else, the tough girl with honey eyes and scared hands. Charles was so distracted that he bumped into Heidi "Sorry, miss." her drink spilled on the floor “I can pay you another drink” She turned to face him "It's fi... Charles!" he looked confused "Do we know each other?" "I'm Heidi" he still had no clue "I'm Daniel's girlfriend" "Dani Ric?" "Yes!" "Oh! Hi, it's nice to meet you" "Nice to meet you too. Hum... are you here alone?" "No! I am with Lando" "He's such a nice boy, isn't he?" "He is" they smiled politely to each other "You came with Daniel, right?" "Yes, he's looking for a restroom" "Good" "I also came with a friend, she went to the bar to find herself a drink" Heidi looked from above Charles' shoulder "Look her there" he turned to where she pointed "Apparently she found your friend too". Heidi's friend was the girl he was looking for and she was walking toward him, giggling with Lando Norris "Fuck, Lando! You promised it would be funny" Charles thought. "Hey, guys!" Lando started "Heidi! How long. How have you been?" "I'm good, thanks" "Where's Daniel?" "Bathroom" "Oh! Right" "I see you found my friend" "Yes, hum..." he turned to her "That's Charles" "I met him earlier today" "Hello again" "Hi" "Your drink, mate" "Thank you" "Wow, I can't go to the bathroom and you guys already start the party without me" Daniel came to break the tension of the moment "Hi, Daniel" Lando and Charles said in unison "Babe, let's dance" "Alright. See you guys around" Heidi and Daniel walked away from the trio. "Charles, do you mind if I take her to dance?" OF COURSE I MIND, MOTHERFUCKER! YOU HAVE THE WHOLE CLUB TO DANCE WITH AND YOU WANT TO TAKE THE GIRL I LIKE TO DANCE?! Charles thought without actually being able to say cause after all he was taken already "No, not at all" "Alright" Lando offered a hand to her "Shall we?" she giggled "Okay". Charles gave a big sip of his drink "How can she be interested in him and not me?" he sipped again "I might have offered her a drink instead of an autograph".

....

A few minutes later she was walking toward his direction again. He was sitting on the bench with his third drink. This time she was not with Lando "Hello again for the third time today" she smiled politely "Hi again for the third time on this da. Can I sit here?" "Yes, please" "Thanks" "Where is Lando?" "He went back to the bar" "And you rather sit here with me?" "He left his friend alone in a club. I felt bad for you" "I thought you didn't like me" "I don't dislike you. I just have empathy" "You're kind" she smiled, politely "Thank you" "So you don't hate me?" "You are just way too convinced in my opinion" "I'm not!" "You seemed to be" "I know. I was just trying to impress you" "You chose poorly, Mr Leclerc" "I thought so. Sorry" "It's okay" "Are you from Miami?" "New York" "And what are you doing here?" "Heidi invited me to watch the race. She says I work too much" "What do you work with?" "I am a veterinarian" "Wow. So you're very clever" "I am" "And that's why you have so many scars on your hand" "Why did you choose the profession?" "I always went along more with animals than humans" he laughed "Vous êtes drôle" "Merci. Mais je t'avais dit la vérité" "Parlez-vous français?!" "Oui. J'ai apprendré a l'école" "J'ai pensé que vous êtes française" "I'm not. I'm American" "Well, I like animals too" "Do you have a pet?" "Are you trying to get a new client?" "No" she said seriously "I am just trying to talk" "Okay" he sipped his drink again “I don't. "And you? Any pets?" Yes, a black cat. Her name is Sabrina" "How cute!" she grinned, shyly "I would like a turtle too but I live in an apartment in Brooklyn" he laughed "I already saw turtles in Monte Carlo" Her eyes brightened "Monaco?" "Yes. It's where I'm from" "I dream of visiting Monaco" "You would love it. It's... perfect. Even with all its imperfections" She could see how passionate he was about his home country "I believe" he looked at her and for the first time in the night their eyes met and they smiled at each other. But, of course, Lando had to break it "Your drink, lady" "Thanks" "Move" She sat in between Lando and Charles and the Monegasque swore he couldn't breathe. But at the same time he could breathe so perfectly cause his nostrils were happily filled with her scent, her perfume

"What were you guys talking about?" "Monaco. I dream of visiting it" "Do you know I live in Monaco?" "You are both lucky" "Maybe you could visit me one day" "What?!" the other two said in unison "I... I couldn't" "Why not? Is that about money? I can pay for everything for you" "No, Lando, I can't accept that. Especially that we just met" he smirked "So we should know each other mor" She blushed "Yeah, maybe" Charles just wanted to die.

...

About an hour and a half later Heidi and her friend decided to go back to the hotel

"Well, I am leaving now guys. Thanks for the night. I had a lot of fun" "My pleasure, lady" Lando kissed her hand, she giggled and Charles rolled her eyes "Mine too" the Monegasque added "May I have your phone number?" Lando asked "I don't think so" "Your socials maybe?" She chewed her inner cheek "Sure" he smiled "Great!" He opened Instagram and gave it to he, she tapped her account. Charles had an eye on it, trying to get the username without having to ask her or Lando but he didn't succeed "There you go" "Thanks! I DM you" "Alright. Hum... Bye then. Till another day, maybe" "Bye!" The F1 drivers said in unison. As soon as she turned her back, Charles glued his eyes on Lando's phone. Of course, it was a private account. He didn't have much time to see the username cause Lando already was reaching for another drink but he saw a lipgloss on the floor. Had she dropped it on purpose? It didn't matter. Charles just grabbed it and reached out for its owner “Hey!” She turned back “Your lipgloss” “Oh my God! Thank you! It's my favorite” “You’re welcome. Hum… can I also have your Instagram? So we can talk” “Sure! Give me your phone” he did “There you go. I am waiting for your text” “Okay” “Bye, Charles. Enjoy the rest of your evening” “Bye. You too” and that was it, the beginning of their story.

[becauseitsyouandi]

WBWP rantings and questions (to be added on upon)

How tf did Justin expect to hide his secret from his family? Roman is probably in middle school so around ~12 years old. At this point Roman should’ve presented as a Wizard and gone through that wizard puberty. Is he going to have to wear the floppy hat?

Max being rich is a win !! My mans is smart and resourceful as seen when he sold bottled water. Max finally getting what he deserves. I hope Jake comes in at least one episode as a guest star.

Justin: “A wise wizard once told me: ‘You fail only if you give up.’” I’m done so cute 🥺

David Henrie I need you to find some loophole on how Justin was able to do magic at the end of episode 1. He is married and not at Wiztech anymore. Is Justin only able to ‘turn on’ the lair? Doesn’t that still count as magic?

How short of a time Justin was actually a Professor at Wiztech is CRAZY— Justin turns 34 in ep 1 of WBWP. Roman is approximately 12~ years old. So if Roman was born when Justin was 22, let’s say he met Giana at 20. Justin was made a Wiztech Professor at age 19. That is barely anytime to be a Professor

Alex: “So, what? You just hide out here in Staten Island and deny who you are?” She clocked him 💀

Justin you are a full grown man hiding your whole ass identity as a wizard to your wife and kids. Just admit she’s your beard to hide the fact that you want to be with your sister 😒

Justin pulled Alex by the hand in ep 1 to have a ‘private discussion’ moment !! What a throwback 😍

Mark my words Billie and Roman are getting together. Not this season, but if they have a season added on, this will be tried. It’s a bit ‘Justin/Alex if they were kept best friends as planned*’

The monsters at least at episode 1 are very intense compared to our campy WOWP. The scariest thing there was a jealous boyfriend who would wolf out and eat your ex whole. I wonder how the tone will be since they’re trying to build a plot of Billie saving the world. I think it’s nice that there is a pressure like that added in. WOWP had more of a sitcom feel especially in seasons 1-2 where the formula “Alex uses magic badly, she must fix it in order to have her parents not ground her.” was beat to death

*The whole ‘Justin-and-Alex were written as best friends then made into siblings!’ thing may be a rumor, idk. I haven’t seen any sources for or against it… except for having eyes ofc but don’t get me started

[timetraveltodystopia]

NCT 127 current energies - September Shufflemancy reading

♡ Shufflemancy reading done on 05/09/22 Disclaimer: I’m a beginner with tarot and my readings could be correct and could be not. I am still learning so please take everything with a grain of salt. These readings are for fun and for entertainment purposes only <3 This is all alleged. I don't want to hurt any idol or send them hate.

Taeil

Higher - Carly Rae Jepsen

If you wanna know what I'm thinkin' Ever since you came, I'm livin' On top of the world, I can't deny Every one of my fears has vanished And I don't know how you managed To wake me up and come alive

He is in a relationship and a good healthy one. He is so happy and I'm so glad, they deserve if other.

Taeyong

Hallucinogenics - Matt Maeson

Rippin' with my sinners 'cause fuck it, man, I ain't no beginner And then I crawled back to the life that I said I wouldn't live in

He misses his ex, and he is lost. He is probably using weed or cigarettes to alleviate the pain, but it doesn't go away. He needs time.

Johnny

Morning - Teyana Taylor, Kehlani

I ain't here to play no games, I'm gonna give it to you Just how you want it You can call me crazy, maybe you just drive me crazy When you touch on it Got my legs up, hands up, at attention, you make me stand up And switch up on it Make your head go 'round and 'round and got me makin' sounds Until the morning

He is in a relationship and he is joining it a LOT BUT A LOT, especially the S€X PART. So he found someone with who he connected to.

Yuta

Lost - Frank Ocean

Now you're lost, lost in the heat of it all Girl, you know you're lost Lost in the thrill of it all Miami, Amsterdam, Tokyo, Spain, lost Los Angeles, India, lost on a train, lost

He sold the idea of a perfect relationship to his partner whom he loves but is not going as planned. Cuz you know, sasengs, idols agenda, etc. So his SO thought that Yuta used them but actually did not.

Doyoung

The box - Roddy Ricch

She sucked a nigga soul, gotta Cash App Told 'em wipe a nigga nose, say slatt, slatt I won't never sell my soul, and I can back that And I really wanna know where you at

He had a gold digger partner and he left her. Doyoung found someone who liked but they used him and he is pretty upset, I don't think he will go out with a non-idol again.

Jungwoo

I've Should told you - Fiji Blue

You're the only one that saves me when I'm alone You're the only love that I've ever known But we turned into a flower that never grows I was hiding like the moonlight that never shows

He should have said he love them but he didn't and they walk away, they had enough of their idol life, Jungwoo had this trust issues and this person was a keeper and they are gone.

Jaehyun

SUNRISE - Arlo Parks

Couldn't ever be my sunrise (Sunrise, sunrise) You're just a setting sun, I'd pray and you would pass me by You're only looking for a good time, a body you could kiss on Turn to you and you've moved on

He misses his ex bruhh, but to the max. Maybe Jaehyun is a fuckboy but his SO did an uno reverse card and know Jaehyun miss them lol. Poor him, he deserves a stable relationship <3

Mark

Midsummer Madness 20 - JOJI

Show me that it's really worth my time (Worth my time) Nobody needs to know our secreto

He has enough of his partner like his relationship is deteriorating fast and also his partner tried to spread his relationship without his consent. So sooner or later they are going to break up.

Haechan

Peace - Tems, Mannywellz

What do you want from me? I'm so tired of falling in I need peace from the enemy Give me time for my sanity

Haechan is in a toxic relationship and he is getting out yay. He had enough and he is saying peace bitch bye bye.

This changes over time. Everyone has free will and vibrations change. Hope you like this reading <3

© rights reserved to timetraveldystopia

[kaypeace21]

People seem to misinterpret what I’ve said in the past about mike “projecting his feelings for Will” on to El. So I’ll clarify.

When I say mike is “projecting his romantic feelings” for Will on to el. That doesn’t mean mike doesn’t care about El (at all) as a friend. Or sees El as Will (that’s not even how projection works -or what I’ve said). Although Mike isn’t perfect, he’s naturally empathetic and grateful for all El has done to help him and his friends. And he does see Will & El as 2 different people- despite the romantic projection. And unlike Will, he sees El in a more familial way- rather than romantic (despite him trying to force it to be romantic) .More on that later.Heck, Mike has already incorrectly  projected his NON-ROMANTIC emotions on to 3 other characters other than El (it’s a pattern of his to project his feelings about one person on to another)- which yes I’ll also discuss.

I guess I have to specify what projection is -like i’ve already inferred in prior posts .There’s a difference between projecting  “feelings” you have for one person on to another VS thinking those 2 people are literally the same person with no differences between those 2 people/or not acknowledging the unique personal relationships you have with both.  This misconception is used as a popular counter-argument/strawman argument -rather than just debating the points i’ve made) .  Ex) It’s like if you’re anger at your boss- but you can’t yell at them so you (subconscious or otherwise) are (unfairly) angry/irritable to your romantic partner later. It doesn’t mean you literally think your romantic partner and boss are 1 in the same - or there is no distinction between those 2 relationships. The same goes for how Mike views El and Will, despite “projecting”  his “romantic feelings for Will” on to El (although Mike does so poorly).

 Mike most likely projects his romantic feelings for Will on to El

In s3) he kisses El with a drawing of Will behind her head -that he can look at as he kisses her ... that should be an obvious hint he’s projecting (subconscious or otherwise) . 

That’s Will -light brown hair/bowl cut, has fire powers like ‘Will the wise’.There’s also the fact that multiple characters in s1 mistook El for a boy (specifically Will) . Benny saying to El, “trying to steal from me boy?” Another man at Benny’s place mistook her for Will and said she could be “the byers boy... same height”. Hopper tracked El for most of s1 thinking it was Will. Homophobic Troy who harassed mike / talked about Will being gay said about El “ her head’s shaved she doesn’t even look like a girl”, officer callahan said “what’s Will doing with a shaved head?” The writers of ST are trying to tell you to pay attention to the fact el had a “ boyish /Will-like” appearance (and despite this- Mike was supposedly into her in s1). Then we had s2 byler parallel s3 mileven to show him fail to project his romantic feelings of Will on to el: Crazy together vs blank makes you crazy, , shed scenes: most important thing vs it was the best thing, Will & El calling for mike in the upsidedown (and mike coming for Will only), “they’re not in love they’re not even from the same planet” vs “welcome to my world”,  Will having pics of Mike smiling on Halloween looking at him vs El having a pic of Mike glaring on Halloween,  mileven paralleled to luke/leia & byler to king tristan/Han, byler paralleled to Venkman/Dana a ghost busters couple vs El just being a ghost and mike a ghost hunter, the s3 fight vs breakup  and the various contrasts between all 3 (showing Will upset and El happy - and mike caring more about resolving his fight with Will than El- and never apologizing to El for lying ). I went into more detail here about the parallels between mileven/byer, mileven,stancy,Karen/ted , etc here.

And when he tells El “I can’t lose you again” It’s supposed to be ambiguous-cause Mileven like stobin is a straight bait. The fact is 2 prior times in season 2 (when mike was in the center of the group) he sadly watches Will as Will gets in a car and drives away. 

Hinting to the viewer he’s actually thinking and worrying about losing Will (that 3rd time in s2 when he’s talking to El and seeing the cars with El/ Will drive away) . He once again is in the center of the group like the prior  2 scenes. And he already lost Will before and Will  (like el) also had a fake d*ath. So yeah...we hear mike tell el that line and mike watches both El and Will leave in cars (and starts to cry) since mike knows that Will (unlike superpowered El) may d*e from his possession and he may never see him again. And it’s not like he can tell Will that line when he’s unconscious/possessed (especially in front of his friends) .

Just like in s2, when mike watches El and Will drive away .... he does so again in s3. And it’s similarly ‘ambiguous’, on who he’s upset seeing drive away.  But, Mike turns to looks at the byers house, and  tries to catchup with his friends (which has identically framing to an earlier scene in s3 of Will sadly turning to look at mike leave with El and then turning back to rush and  catchup with the gang). Will turned around cause of Mike (not El) just like Mike turned around thinking of Will (not El). Just like s2,s3 uses earlier scenes in that particular season to give us hints about who he’s actually sad about driving away .

And in that moving away montage -  it only pans to mike and Will .

And has Mike hug his mom in the same way he did in s1.  Both represent moments representing him ‘losing Will’ (through his fake d*ath/moving away).  Mike both times storms into the house and Karen rushes to him nervous and unsure why he’s upset , but goes into hug him when mike reaches for her (needing comfort). Unlike the mileven hug that’s outside and he doesn’t reach for her at all- she hugged him because she was worried  (was he upset -sure but it’s not a parallel to the s3 hug). And they played “we can be heroes” for both hugs - cause both times mike lost Will.

And that s2 car scene where he talked to El (just like the prior s2 car scenes) was indicative of his fear of losing Will (not El).  Which happened at the end of s3. It all ties together. Cause again , he was thinking of Will!

They even had several movies on the st list (altered states / children of paradise) have this concept of projecting romantic feelings of someone they’re in love with on to someone else. Altered states -has a guy just like Will hallucinate flashing to another dimension . People say about him and his wife “he’s crazy and she’s crazy about him”. And when they weren’t together she says she had to pretend everyone she dated was him (but that it only made her feel worse cause it wasn’t him) .And she says about doing so “’it’s crazy”. And her friend says “i think that’s how it’s supposed to be.” CAN THEY GET MORE CLEAR with the projection?

Heck, even El projects on to Mike. While mileven is separated between s1-2 she watches the soap opera (’all my children’) and pretends to be Erica kane (who in the episode El was watching) got into a rushed elopement to MIKE ROY (who was a writer).Aka she projected romance from soap operas/her possible crush of MIKE roy onto MIKE wheeler.And Erica/Mike weren’t endgame- even had a lot of st*liking after the break up (similar to El’s spying)

Mileven and Byler are very different- much to Mike’s annoyance. And Mike projects this anger of not being able to love El romantically on to Max,Will, & Hopper.

Mileven and byler are very different even if mike wishes he had romantic feelings for El (like he does for Will). Mileven is paralleled to hopper/el cause mike truly sees her in a familial way- both teach her the definitions of compromise vs promise (and make promises to her), say to eat “real food” and not eggos, keep her hidden away and safe. Both say her new look is “cool” and El in response to both says it’s “bitchin” and both say back “yeah bitchin”. Both claim someone is “corrupting” El (when trying to dictate her romantic decisions ) and Joyce/Max tell both guys they don’t respect El’s ability to make her own “decisions”. And El says to both of them “you lie” while Max says El should figure out what she likes and not simply listen to Hopper and Mike.  Also similar to what she does with kali /Max (a sister/friend) El copies expressions from all 4 of them ( bitchin,  i make my own rules , not stupid, mouth breather/friends don’t lie).  Mileven is also paralleled to Luke/leia, and multiple people say El is like a “sister “ (lucas) and “cousin” (dustin) in s1. Even El asks before he first kisses her if Mike will he be “like (her) bother.”

In s2, Max (with the gang at Will’s house) asks how mike can still trust Will despite being possessed and in s3 max (with the gang at El’s house) calls out mike for not trusting El.  “El has saved the world twice. And Mike still doesn’t trust her!”And instead of Mike admitting that truth -that he doesn’t trust El who he doesn’t know well (who spied on him) he projects all the blame/distrust wrongly on to max saying “you want to talk about trust ?REALLY?! After YOU made eleven spy on us!” And when max says it was el’s idea he yells exasperated into Max’s face “guess girlfriends don’t lie they spy!” He shows he’s aggravated with the fact El is so against lying but had no qualms with spying. But only yells at Max (not El) and he even tries (incorrectly) claiming Max is “corrupting” El and making her do things she didn’t want to do . Cause he’s still in denial and wants to fall in love with El- and doesn’t want to see any of El’s flaws that would make it harder to do so ( so he just  projects that anger on to max instead).

And we know during the byler fight: Will calls El “stupid” but he was just projecting his own feelings about himself on to EL-since right after this he calls himself “stupid” 4x. So it’s likely when Mike yells back “El’s not stupid. It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!”   Like Will, It’s AGAIN Mike PROJECTING his insecurities about himself (aka not liking girls) and his relationship issues with El - on to Will. Rather than an actual statement on Will’s se*uality. Sort of like Mike lashing out and projecting his anger about his failing romantic relationship with El on to Max .

The simple fact is el is mike’s safe option (she physically resembles Will but is a girl and thus he’s allowed to be attracted to her- in conservative 80s America). However, we see the more El develops into her own person and differs from Will in personality (plus , the fact puberty is making the distinction between genders more apparent) the harder it is for Mike to fool himself and project.The writers in s3 make a telemarketing joke just to have mike say “el, no, not interested” (aka his true feelings).Mileven in s3 was called “b*llshit” like stancy (which have multiple parallels and weren’t in love ). And nancy admitted to Jonathan (a byers ) she wanted to be with him the whole time. But ,despite that, got back with Steve (and continued to kiss Steve all the time, and even lied saying she loved Steve for an entire year) essentially mileven. Karen /ted also is paralleled to Stancy & mileven- who were “never in love” . Then , Max says friends don’t lie but “boyfriends (mike) LIE all the time” (aka he’s lying about his romantic feelings), and when lucas asks WHY he lied to el -it pans to Will (the real reason he lies to El about his feelings for her). When El asks “why do you lie” (he just is silent and stares up guilty).  Lucas says about mileven (right before Dustin says they’re “bullsh*t” that “they’re lying”.And when he tries confessing to El, he never apologizes for lying and just used the similar ‘crazy’ line he used on Will (in s2). Cause if he actually stopped lying - he couldn’t continue to use her as a beard and date her/try and get back together.  Plus he also fought with Hopper in s2 (’about El’) in WILL’S ROOM . He wasn’t actually calling Hopper the liar he  was PROJECTING and calling himself “a stupid disgusting liar”out of self hate .  That scene was foreshadowing his lying to El in s3 (about his feelings for her). He blamed Hopper for his feelings for Will cause he told himself it wouldn’t have escalated if El had been around to ‘fix him’ . “I BLAME YOU! NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS OK! NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS OK. YOU STUPID DISGUSTING liar, liar, liar, liar”.starts crying. And then it zooms to Mike’s crying face and pans to El (who he would lie to constantly the next season).

I  also discussed in detail here how the bathroom stobin confession paralleled the mileven grocery confession- and again 1 in each of the couplets is gay. Heck, the “first i love you” plays only 2x in s3: when steve confesses to gay-robin and  when el confessed to mike and kisses him and Mike doesn’t kiss back or say he loves her back. When she kisses Mike- it’s in WILL’S ROOM room AGAIN,  Will’s old teddybear between them, as they kiss in front of Will open closet door) .  in s2ep1 the lyrics are “just a little more time can open closing doors” (as Mike kisses El and it pans over the ‘Will the wise’  drawing & a rainbow-heart-Mike drawing, that blend together). But , In the same ep- when Will says he won’t fall in love the lyrics are “love that is new to you, you open up the door.” Later in the song it even mentions the “wheeler house”. So yes- after “a little more time” (3 months) mike and El kiss once again like ep 1- but it’s  in front of Will’s open door and Mike is not feeling it- and it shows what is going to begin in s4 (byler). That after some time- despite the byler-doors appearing to ‘close’ they open up again after the mileven breakup/mike realizing the depth of his feelings and the fact he can’t ‘fix himself’ and be straight.El saying she loved him- and him not feeling any different after... was probably the catalyst for that realization.

Before this, we saw him project “his feelings” for Will on to El in romantic situations. But, he refused to integrate her into his friend group like his straight friends did with their gfs-unlike lucas with max, or how dustin tried to do so with Susie) . Cause he’s unfairly used El as a beard and wanted to compartmentalizes his friends and romance as much as possible (since faking it all the time not only with El-but with his friends would be exhausting).

Does he care about El- sure in his own flawed way. But, sorry (in my opinion) to act like mike” loves Will and El equally “ is kind of ludicrous . His actions show the opposite. And he’s only known El for 9 months as opposed to knowing Will for 9 years. And he’s known all of his other guy friends and the Byers much longer. What do they have in common?Are they friends ? Sure...  technically but “friends don’t lie”. And mike has done plenty of that to her - so until they sort that out- and are honest to eachother- they can’t really have a strong foundation of friendship in my opinion. It’ll only improve once they start being honest and respect each other’s autonomy (aka stop dating and actually establish a friendship... and  stop lying /spying on eachother). At the moment- Mike stunts El’s character growth and tries isolating her from the outside world, doesn’t respect her autonomy/ability to make decisions, doesn’t trust her in general, lies to her, and treats her like he’s her overly controlling dad. The relationship isn’t balanced or healthy (like byler or Mike and his other peers). In s1 he called her “a weapon”  they could use to save Will (a lesson he appears to have learned from).But Max has to yell at Mike in s3 “she’s not yours! she’s her own person-fully capable of making her own decisions!” And EL says Mike treats her like “a pet” and “garbage”. So yeah...  I don’t get people being ‘offended’ by me pointing out the romantic projection he does- and saying it supposedly ‘destroys’ the ‘beautiful relationship/friendship’ they have. Before I can consider mileven a “beautiful/loving friendship’: Mike needs to stop projecting and seeing El as a perfect beard to ‘fix him’- AND see El as her own person and NOT someone he needs to ‘take care of’ (cause he wrongly infantilizes her) . I think the 2 will eventually become good friends- and Mike will see he was wrong. But they’re not there yet- in my opinion.

[heartbaz]

Magpie's happy ending (Renegade)

Of all the calls she imagined, Magpie never thought she would receive one from Tamaya Rae herself asking for help in reorganizing the items in the old weapons and artifacts department.

After "Supernova", the renegade headquarters was closed for months. It was no longer necessary to have a superhero building when superheroes no longer existed. Despite not being such an important issue, some rumors and theories spread, mostly saying that the tower would be demolished at some point.

But apparently that would not be the case.

From what heroin told her, they wanted the renegade headquarters to be a kind of museum on the second floors, which would display the artifacts stored, as well as the costumes of heroes of the old Council, photographs, news and all those things that she found it a waste of time and space to display and risk someone stealing them just like that, especially the dangerous artifacts that were in that place, but the opinion of an 11-year-old orphan girl was not so important.

When he entered the building he studied the place, which was being remodeled. He expected them to build statues of the Council, the Sketch team, a large painting, or something extravagant and flashy, typical of the renegades, especially Hugh, Captain Chromium. But he was surprised to see that it was the same as before, except that everything was new, in fact the quarantine was still under reconstruction, even Max Everhart himself was tidying up the glass city.

She realized too late that she had been staring at him for too long, a certain interest welling up in the girl at the tender expressions the boy was making as best he could arranging a four-story building near a park. Max had looked up for a second and noticed that the little blue eyes were watching him. Before receiving any gesture of greeting from the blond boy, she turned a little blushing and followed his path with a hurried step to enter the elevator and descend.

When the doors opened she could hear in the distance a conversation coming from the room of the dangerous artifacts, the voice was of two girls. when she got a little closer she realized that it was a dispute between Monarch and Nova. Nothing serious, they were just talking about some glasses and their use, something that did not interest her, she was coming for the jewelry and to see if there was something interesting and relevant so she could steal it without anyone noticing her absence.

She looked around and then stood still, she was struck by the silence that reigned in the place, and that was very strange. Something was clearly missing. Rather, someone was missing. Callum's obnoxious voice talking excessively about artifacts was missing. His lips formed a grimace without realizing it.

"This place is so different without him."

She startled to hear a voice behind her. When she turned around she saw Tina staring down the hallway. Maggie wasn't an expert at deciphering people's feelings through their eyes, but she easily saw the sadness and melancholy reflected in them, accompanied by pursed lips, clearly holding back tears.

Maggie looked at her for a few seconds before she began to feel uncomfortable.

"uh... where do I start?"

Tina shook her head and looked at her again.

"Oh right," she cleared her throat, "You need to help Sketch, Red Killer and Smokescreen sort some paperwork in the reception area, I'd assign you something else like sorting the jewelry or some artifacts, but those guys have a lot of work to do."

Magpie let out a grumble but said nothing by way of protest and headed for the reception area. It was chaos, full of papers piled up on the floor. Adrian was already reading and sorting some papers, but the other two present, Ruby and Oscar, were just flirting with each other. He grimaced. He had no idea how he was going to deal with such displays of affection during the day.

...

They had spent almost two hours among all those piles of papers organizing one by one. they were all tired and bored, but that didn't stop very interesting topics of conversation from arising among the four boys, and although at first the redhead didn't have the slightest interest in talking to them, it was inevitable for her to listen and laugh at the crazy stories Oscar had. A circle of trust was created in which even she told them some of the weirdest objects and her most risky adventures when she worked for the renegades. At this point, they were each telling the origin of their power, their faces dumbfounded as they listened to Ruby and Oscar's horrific experiences, even if hers may not have been any prettier than theirs. They had mentioned that both Sketch and Monarch were born with their powers.

"We could say that Nova was also born with one, the gift of putting others to sleep by touch" Ruby mumbled.

Magpie stared at the girl, waiting for her to continue with the explanation of how Nova managed to never sleep, but she did not. She never liked her, neither being Insomnia nor being Nightmare, she still didn't forget what happened the day Agent N was going to be released, but at that moment she aroused her curiosity and she wasn't going to stay with her.

"If he was born with the power to put people to sleep just by touching them, how did he get the power to never sleep?"

Adrian tensed, but decided to tell her.

"When Nova was 7 years old her uncle, Ace Anarchy, had her entire family killed, even her sister who was only months old. She was only saved by putting the man to sleep when he was in front of her. Ace found her and turned her into an Anarchist," he paused a little to put some papers he had just read, "Every time she tried to sleep she repeated the scene in her head, after that she could not sleep until a few months ago when she slept for 24 hours.

An uncomfortable silence reigned in the reception area. Maggie took a few moments to process it all. For a moment she felt a bit like she could relate, she too had lost her family, but she couldn't imagine how it would feel to remember everything that had happened for the rest of her life. For the first time she felt pity and empathy for the ex-villain.

"It's your turn, Urraca" said Oscar to break the silence "how you got your powers."

She grimaced as she didn't know the story for sure.

"I was too little to remember, but at the orphanage they told me that the landlord found me crying, full of blood," she took out her amulet, a bullet, from her pocket and showed it to everyone present" I had the bullet in one hand. Only the bodies of my parents were found, but there was no sign of my sister.

"Was your sister taken away?" Adrian asked, as shocked as she was to hear Nova's story.

"I don't know. For a long time I waited for my sister to come looking for me at the orphanage, but she never came. No one ever came to pick me up. I came to the conclusion that she either didn't want me or she was dead" the last thing she said in a whisper, but loud enough for those present to hear.

"What about the Renegades directory" Oscar pointed to the computer.

"I already tried, there's nothing," sighed the girl."

"Maybe there is something among all these papers of old files and cases?"

Adrian was interrupted.

"I found it!" exclaimed Ruby, who throughout Magpie's story had been sifting through the piles of papers and was now holding up a set of three sheets held together by a rusty paper clip. all she could read was "Maggie's case" and the last name was blurred, someone had splashed coffee on it.

Oscar snatched the papers from his girlfriend's hand and ran. She chased after him while feigning anger. During the two hours those two lovebirds were expressing their love through flirtatious gestures and small frolics. Maggie put up with them all the time without complaining so much, but in those moments she didn't feel like putting up with their romantic idiocies and apparently neither did Sketch, in fact he spoke first asking for a little more seriousness in the matter and for them to read the case quickly. Oscar obeyed without first letting out a "boring" along with a small cloud of smoke straight into his opponent's face.

"Let's see what it says," he began to read, "he has no birth certificate.... His name was chosen by Captain Chromium, what an honor! ... Her parents were killed in the domicile where she was found... only she survived... her sister is missing... she had a bullet in her hand..." Oscar and Ruby read without interest, but as they turned the page they wrinkled their foreheads. "Artino case"

Adrian made the same gesture with his forehead and quickly stopped to read the case. Magpie didn't understand anything but felt excitement anyway.

"Who is Artino? Is that my sister's name?"

Everhart shook his head slowly as he read over the other boy's shoulder.

"No. That's Nova's last name"

The girl sighed wearily. For a moment, the illusion returned that her sister would find her and take her with her to her new home, but it was just a stupid childish fantasy she had. Of course in those papers she would find nothing important about her life before the murder of her parents, much less anything about her missing sister.

When they finished reading, the renegades' gazes turned to her.

"Steaming saints..." Oscar was very overwhelmed. his hands went slack and he dropped the pages. Adrian picked them up with extreme gentleness.

"Margaret White Is that your real last name?"

The named woman looked at him strangely.

"I don't think so, my parents never registered me or anything like that. I was named Margaret White at the orphanage when, supposedly, they got the wrong information."

The Boy looked at her for a few moments and knelt down in front of her. she hated it when they did that. To her it was a sign that something was wrong.

"Your last name doesn't appear on these papers because they are smudged, but," he sighed, "but I believe your full name is Evelyn Artino and your sister..."

He paused for a few seconds that Maggie felt like hours. She already knew what the Renegade's next words would be, but she needed to hear it or she would think it was all just another one of her crazy fantasies.

"Your sister is Nova Artino."

She stood still and wordlessly, processing the information. She just didn't know what to do, feel or say, should she run and hug Nova or leave the place, pretend she never heard all this and believe that her sister was just a figment of her imagination?

All he could manage to do was shout a resounding "How!" at the renegade. Such an action scared him off and he backed up a few steps. Seconds later Nova and Danna arrived to see what had happened.

The girl's small eyes fixed on the shorter of the girls and she lunged at her to attack, but before she could reach out to touch her Adrian grabbed her by the waist and lifted her slightly off the ground. That brought back memories.

"How could you!" shouted Magpie trying to free herself from the Renegade's arms, but it was useless, "You abandoned me!"

Nova looked at her strangely and then at her companions. Ruby handed her the papers. She skimmed the first page, but still didn't understand.

"Look at the second page."

The red-haired girl listened and began to read. Seconds later she covered her mouth in amazement and her eyes filled with tears.

She also began to cry.

"For years I've been waiting for you to come and get me, but you never showed up" she said in a whisper, now calmer.

"But how..." she said in a choked whisper.

"She told us the origin of her powers, or at least what she knows" Adrian replied, "She was found covered in blood with a bullet in her hand, her parents were killed and her older sister disappeared. Read well, everything is very clear."

The renegade picked up the old papers and went back to reread them more patiently, perhaps looking for some word or name that contradicted her boyfriend's words. But judging by her look of disbelief and the tears that began to fall down her cheeks, there was nothing to rule out the theory.

"Why didn't I have any idea about these papers?" asked Nova with her eyes on the sheets, although it was obvious that she was addressing her partner "How come no one remembered such information?"

Adrian looked at her for a few seconds. She, still holding her head in the air, sensed that he was looking for signs of anger. And part of it showed.

"I'm not really sure, but back then they didn't trust computers, so they used paper to file all the cases" he motioned to the mountains of paper scattered around the room.

That was the last that was heard. No one knew what to do or say, and the silence was so thick and uncomfortable that it was becoming unbearable. After a few minutes Oscar decided to give them space and leave the place together with Ruby by the hand, they were also followed by Danna, who still didn't understand what was going on.

The last to leave was Adrian. He went down to Maggie -or Evelyn, she didn't even know what to call herself anymore- and gave her a squeeze on the shoulder, as if giving her strength or a signal not to run out of the building. He walked over to Nova and cupped her face to wipe away her tears. He said something she didn't hear and kissed her on the lips before leaving the room and closing the door.

It was time to talk, but apparently none of them were willing to start. At least Urraca didn't want to.

"I don't know what to say," Nova finally spoke, she had stopped crying a few moments ago, but her voice was broken, "You have no idea how happy I am knowing you're alive."

Magpie wiped her tears and snot with her sleeve.

"I asked you something earlier, why did you abandon me, did you even look for me?"

She shook her head.

"I never looked for you" said Nova, "I didn't because I thought you were dead.... That you had been murdered that night and I couldn't protect you because..." she couldn't continue speaking because a sob escaped from her throat.

Evie grew tired of pretending to be strong. She burst into a disconsolate cry and ran to hug her sister tightly. she hugged her sister back just as tightly. at that moment they couldn't talk, she knew it, the lump in her throat barely let her breathe. She had no intention of admitting it, but the warmth of an older sister along with a strange and curious sensation it brought back an old feeling she had thought she had forgotten, one she had not experienced for years. That of being safe, of having a home.

[crimson-snowfall]

Hey i read that you do requests for 3 max characters but I wanted to know if you would do a “the ikevamp guys kinks” in short format so as to include all the guys (ex. Guy A: Bdsm, Guy B: Food play) Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable your not obliged to do anything! Thanks❤️

It’s okay anon~ This has been fun to write.

[NSFW] Ikevamp HC request: The Ikevamp guys’ kinks

Napoleon || Kink: Furniture sex

After a few years of being in a relationship with Napoleon, there’s barely any place left where he hasn’t fucked you on yet. At one point you thought that it’s like he’s marking his territory, like an alpha wolf… you can’t blame him though; he was emperor. Just pray he doesn’t get any weird ideas about doing it on the other residents’ rooms.

Mozart || Kink: Anything to do with your fingers

Sometimes he would teach you how to play the piano by guiding your hands, and this is where he got this kink. Let him suck it, run it through his hair during sex– Mozart loves it.

Leo || Kink: You wearing kinky/sexy outfits

Leo loves ravishing you with his eyes whenever you wear something naughty for him, but you better not end up liking whatever you wear for him because this man can’t take anything off of you without ripping it to shreds or damaging it somehow, intentionally or unintentionally. Even if you decide to keep something on as he fucks you, it’s already guaranteed to be damaged once he’s done and you don’t even know how he does it.

Arthur || Kink: Dirty talk

Arthur makes good use of his wide vocabulary and is good with his tongue through and through. Arthur is so good with his words that he has never failed getting you into the mood with just his words. The flirt has a lot of other kinks, but hearing you talk dirty as well and encouraging him to do nasty things to you turns him into a whole new monster. You better mean what you say though, because Arthur will stop at nothing just to make sure you get what you ask for.

Vincent || Kink: Mirror sex

There’s nothing Vincent finds more beautiful than the various expressions you can make whenever he makes love to you, but he found that you’re at your most beautiful when he’s rough and relentless with his movements. He keeps his eyes opened most of the time, committing to memory every second of the pleasure he gives you as it plays out on your face and the subtle arches of your body.

Theo || Kink: Sensory deprivation – blindfolds

Theo loves driving you crazy by overwhelming you with sensation then suddenly withdrawing, holding off any further touch and pleasure until you’re begging with your life. His touches tend to be featherlight while you’re blindfolded, but he’s guaranteed to rough you up once his sadistic side is finally satisfied.

Isaac || Kink: You moaning his name during sex

When you don’t feel like doing anything for the next few days, you can count on Isaac losing control to give you a good excuse. It’s simple– the intensity of his thrusts increase proportionally with the volume and lewdness of your moans… well at least Sebastian knows you’ll be taking the day off the following day and he can prepare in advance. Isaac is the only one who deals with the teasing that comes on the following day too, so it’s a win-win situation for you.

Dazai || Kink: Window sex

You’re quite thankful that Comte doesn’t have any neighbors, because then it’s not only the whole mansion that gets to know whenever you get laid. There’s nothing that turns on Dazai more than having you moan into the night sky, but there are also times he would do it with the windows closed. Even then, you’re still thankful Comte doesn’t have neighbors… you don’t really want anyone to watch you getting fucked with your face and boobs smooshed against a window.

Jean || Kink: Your waist and hips

The only reason you were saved from being stuck with having sex exclusively in the missionary position is because this good christian boy can’t have enough of your waist and hips. Jean loves doing you in dog style when he’s feeling particularly naughty, and he almost always ends up leaving marks on your waist and hips from gripping too hard.

William || Kink: Hair pulling

Duh, he’s not growing his hair out just so you can stare at it. Pull on it as hard as you can as he eats you out, and you’re guaranteed to be treated to a mind-numbing pussy eating as a reward.

Comte || Kink: Voyeurism

Comte likes watching you interact with the other residents but would never admit that he gets off a little from it. He probably won’t mind sharing, even though he keeps on telling himself he won’t let it happen. He alleviates his pent up desires from this kink by asking you to masturbate as he watches, after which he will spend the rest of the night pleasuring you until you pass out from exhaustion.

Sebastian || Kink: Butler/Maid play

No matter how much time has passed and how proficient you become in doing housework, Sebastian would still occasionally sabotage you so that “the butler can punish the clumsy, newly-hired maid”. Much like Napoleon, he’s willing to try it anywhere in the mansion… but unlike Napoleon he has actually done in it with you in Comte’s room, when one day he felt like playing as the master of the house. Whether Comte realized this or not is yet to be confirmed, but maybe he did because he gives Sebastian a meaningful smile whenever the two of you are anywhere near his room.

Charles || Kink: A dominatrix

The collar choker he’s wearing is not just there for aesthetic purposes. It’s an invitation and he’s looking for a mistress who will whip him all night long. He is also very open and perverted about being a sub that he’ll randomly ask you to step on him, sometimes even when you’re not in the mood.

Faust || Kink: Priest/Nun play

Pretty much self-explanatory and would do it anywhere in the church, but his favorite spot seems to be the altar table. Sometimes he likes to do it under the pretense that you’re possessed by a demon and the only way to drive it out is having a “holy sword” driven through you countless times.

Vlad || Kink: Restraints

You can’t remember the last time the two of you fucked you without any form of restraints involved. Occasionally he would ask you to tie him up as well and have you take charge for a while, but he loses control easily and breaks out of it eventually, after which he proceeds to fuck you into his bed. Sometimes you would wake up in the morning tied to his bed, and you actually look forward to these occurrences since it is guaranteed he will eat you out as soon as he’s completely awake.

Uni starts again tomorrow… which means the regular scheduled posts (aka incorrect quotes and the occasional memes) will be back. 4 requests to go and maybe I can do them all within this week since it won’t be that busy yet? No promises though.

[ironwoman18]

We Found Love in a Hopeless Place Part 24

The end of this fic has arrived!!! Hope you like this and comments your thoughts.

Read you at the end.

Chapter 24: Family

Spencer had been working in between cases trying to understand what was going on with those emails he received a few weeks ago.

“You’re so quiet… when you read” Max said as she walked to him, holding two cups of coffee.

“My brain is working… this person is sending me weird messages and I can understand quite well what he is meaning…” he said looking at her while holding the cup of coffee “I think this person was in my seminars and got my email from there”

“Not even with your super memory?” she asked sitting next to him.

He laughed softly “the problem is that there were so many people that I can’t focus on a particular person if I don’t know who I am looking in the first place”

She nodded and checked his laptop “and what do you expect to find?”

“I think this person is dealing with someone really dangerous because the way he is talking is like he knows someone might track our communications” she nodded drinking more coffee “now… I don’t know what to do, I’m trapped” he bit his lip thinking and watching the screen.

She looked at him and closed the laptop “come on… let’s go out for a walk. It will relax you” she held his cup and put it on the table then held his hand and made him get in.

“Max… I don’t know if this case is a life or dead situation…” he said looking at his girlfriend.

“Spencer… baby… I know it is important but I learned something in my career, when you can’t have new and creative ideas, you need to do something else, like going out or listen to music” she looked up at him “if you stay here your brain won’t think correctly”

“Well that’s a good theory”

“It’s not a theory, it’s a fact” she smirked softly and he smirked back “now let’s go”

He nodded and after getting jackets the couple left the apartment for a walk. They set just one rule; they cannot mention anything about his current investigation. They ate pretzels and watched the kids playing at the park.

They spent the rest of the afternoon out of the apartment. And when they got back to the apartment she looked at him before open the door “you need to relax and think out of the box. If this person is talking with encrypted messages you need to try to figure out the meaning for them” he nodded and leaned in to kiss her.

“I think that’s a great advice” he hugged her and walked in together.

After a couple of hours later they ordered dinner and decided to watch a movie, he picked Titanic. Almost at the end of the movie and a couple of tears after Jack’s dead; Max looked up at him and, as the credits started, with Celine Dion in the background she started to talk “Spencer, I had been thinking for a while about this but I knew neither of us were ready but now I think we are” she said looking his face and his reactions “I want you to move in with me. Its almost a year since we met and honestly I never had good luck with this kind of decisions but I got a feeling that it will be different with you” she bit her lip looking at him.

Spencer took a long moment to answer, making her nervous “I would love to. I know your story with your ex boyfriends and you know that I’m like an old man in a younger one but as you said… I think we are different and we love each other so I’m sure we will be perfectly fine” she hugged and kissed him.

He decided to ask for a days off to continued his investigations and to move his books and clothes to her apartment. And he was sure that he found everything he needed to know, he led a SWAT Team in a storage unit where they found the former VICAP agent Owen Quinn.

At first he thought the agent was dead but suddenly the man came back to life and they took him to check in the hospital then returned to the BAU.

“Spence… how did you find Quinn?”

“I received some emails with some encrypted information and at the end I figured them out to find him”

“Emails? Since when you… the technophobic… created an email account?”

“JJ I created one for my classes during the few months I was my hours in the field restricted, so you don’t need to worry…” he said walking to the interrogation room.

“Of course I have to… Spence, you hid information about going to New Mexico to buy a medicine for your mother, which led Catherine Adams to attack you” she said stopping him “I’m your best friend and I didn’t even know you have and email. Also I feel like you are hiding more things and I can’t tell what”

“JJ… you know I really appreciate your concern and I’m happy that you are worry but I’m not a kid or your son. I’m a grow man and I can take care of myself. I know you do it because you don’t want me to get hurt but you can’t protect me all the time” he said in a calm voice, he did not say it angry or frustrated. She just nodded and he left to start the interrogation.

It was hard to believe Quinn’s story about the marriage couple and their son keeping him hostage, so the team was trying to keep their minds open but it was hard, especially knowing his paranoia with this serial killer team.

After hours they discovered that the person who sent Spencer the emails was Theo, the son of the crazy couple, which helped them to believe in Quinn’s story. When they finally understood about the cult they led Quinn go.

The team left to Rossi’s house for a drink and maybe even dinner but Spencer and Penelope which stayed a few more time. He wanted to wait with Quinn’s son until his dad was released, and he texted Max about it, and Penelope had a few things to finished before joining the team.

But VICAP agent Mary Meadows went down with Penelope and Quinn and she killed Quinn and kidnapped Penelope.

Then took Spencer hostage with her and took them out of the FBI building.

The team thought it was Quinn’s fault at first but after watching the cameras they realized that Mary was the one who did it. Meanwhile Spencer and Penelope worked together to left breadcrumbs for the team, doing little things to lead them to the cult.

Emily recognized Mary from an old case and the team discovered their plan of killing three hundred people and Spencer was the three hundredth so they decided to leave to save him after saving Penelope.

They did not have troubles finding the Cult, and they made sure to be quiet to infiltrate and save Spencer.

On their way home and after a heartfelt conversation Emily decided to give him a little surprise to she texted Max, explained her briefly what happened and asked her to go to the FBI office. Max did not ask much, she was happy to know he was fine and on his way home so she drove to the FBI.

Emily made some calls to get her in and when they arrived to the airport, the team went to the office to see Garcia, who was crying and hugged her good friend and Comic-Con partner.

Then Emily led him to her office “I brought a surprise for you, I made sure no one see her because I know you don’t want them to know” he shook his head knowing what she did.

“Really? You brought her here?” she nodded and opened the door of her office. There was Max biting her nails waiting. She looked at him, he had some bruises and cuts on his head but he looked as handsome and perfect as usual.

She walked to him and hugged him tightly; he hugged her back and laid his head on her hair. She cried on his chest for a minute and when she calmed down he led her to a couch in the office.

“I-I got worry when you didn’t arrive but I thought you had some other things to do. T-Then Emily texted me to come here because you were kidnapped by a cult…”

“Yeah… I met them after Gidion left the team, their former leader died that day and another man took over the cult. They spent all this time killing around the country and collecting the bone that hold the tongue in place. They had two hundred ninety-nine of them and wanted there three hundred”

“And it would be yours, right?” she rubbed his cheek with tears. He nodded and his eyes were on hers “what happened to the man you found?”

“He died… the woman who kidnapped me and Garcia killed him because he recognized her” she nodded and hugged him again. She was happy to have him back but worry about what could come next “come on… I think you should meet my family” he smiled and stands up “they saved me and now I want them to know someone who saved me in another way” she smiled still with tear.

They walked out the office and there were the rest of the team. JJ looked at him then at her and she smiled, finally realizing why he was different. The rest of the team looked at them and smiled.

“Boy genius had a girlfriend?” asked Penelope watching Max close to him.

“Apparently…” said Matt looking at Luke “you own me 50 bucks” he whispered in his ear.

The Latin man signed “You are better profiler than me man…” he handed it to Matt without the others realizing.

“Guys this is Max. She is my girlfriend and the person who helped me recover after what happened with Cat” she waved at them.

“I heard so many things about you all and I’m glad to finally meet you” said Max smiling.

Each of them introduced themselves and after that Rossi invited them to go to his house for a proper dinner/ breakfast and a toast for finally meeting Spencer’s girlfriend.

Mount Pleasant Women’s Correctional Facility

Cat Adams was in her cell, bored, when one of her puppets walked in “Cat, I have information…”

“About?”

“Spencer Reid…” Cat’s bored face changed “he has a girlfriend”

“How do you know it?”

“There’s someone in the FBI that told a guard here and he told me” Cat smirked and nodded.

“Thank you Claire… I have something fun to do now” her smile grows bigger.

“The memories we make with our family is everything.” – Candace Cameron Bure.

FIN?

OOooOOooOO

I hope you liked this final chapter. Thank you again for reading and sharing your feedback. If you have plots for Maxcer let me know and I will do it.

[cbk1000]

This is for my dear @certifiedceraunophile who wants to know what happened to me in my youth to make me like this. I don’t know, but I refuse to seek help for it, and now you’re all going to suffer for it.

Here are some more quotes from some absolutely batshit crazy ‘romance’ novels that will make you sorry you have eyes, but at least will give you a massive confidence boost in your own writing.

‘Horrified and terrified--torrified--Adam stumbled backwards, but ran into a wall composed of Drake and Max.’ I love this. Absolutely love it. It wasn’t enough to use either horrified or terrified--oh, no; no word in the English language is adequate to describe her character’s depths of despair upon discovering that someone who is not his boyfriend is--oh God, I can barely say it--making eyes at him. He is absolutely torrified to be checked out by another man. Torrified; you heard it here first, kids.

‘Evan looked down at Adam’s thick, pulsing erection, tracing the head with his eyes. Hissing, Adam tensed as hazel magic stroked him, its power borne of the union of their separate and distinct flavors of fire. It was like bathing in truth serum.’ I legit have no idea what is going on here. Dude one stared at dude two’s dick and now they’re both on fire? But it’s a really raw and honest moment? Idk, my (soon to be ex) friends.

‘Then he suckled the finger’s tip, nursing on it, needing it the way a babe needed mother’s milk. He suckled long after the salty cherry goodness was gone, for it fulfilled a desire.’ Pro tip for smut writers: do not ever compare sexy finger sucking to a nursing baby. Ever. Ever.

‘The rouged nipples pointed at Adam like loaded guns.’ Hands up, motherfucker!

‘His body, his being, had room for no other thought or feeling, save the longing to lick Evan’s cock and suckle it, draining it of his salty cherry-flavored essence. Yes, dark cherry, sweet and slightly tangy. The flavor was Evan’s alone and in the wicked dreams he hadn’t been able to control, Adam drank it endlessly from Evan’s lips, his earlobes, his nipples and yes, his cock. He starved for it, his mouth dry and parched for so long that in the end, he couldn’t help himself.’ What are his earlobes spewing?? I get it, his jizz is dark cherry flavored and very, very special, but what is he drinking out of the guy’s earlobes??? His earwax??? Is he drinking cherry-flavored earwax???? Another pro tip for smut writers: read back over your work. If it sounds like one character in your sex scene is guzzling the other character’s sexy, sexy earwax, start over. Start over every decision you ever made before you even sat down to write. 

‘Evan’s mouth moved down to nibble the inner flesh at the upper ridge of Adam’s cleft. Sliding lower, his tongue lapped out randomly to lick the flesh he nibbled. By the time his mouth made the return journey, the cleft gaped open, inviting what it has so recently feared.’ This is terrifying. You’re telling me this guy’s butt crack has just opened like the jaws of hell?? And the other guy’s just gonna’ put his dick in there?? This is an alarmingly sentient asshole, and Evan is still going to stick it real good??

‘Evan’s invasion became a victory march, losing its force when Adam threw open the gates and embraced Evan’s glorious, sliding passage. Neither man could’ve said who took charge after that for they took each other. Occasional pauses for an eye to eye, loin to loin, sashaying rut broke their slow dance of advance and retreat.’ There are so many metaphors in this short paragraph, and exactly zero of them belong in a sex scene.

‘Then Evan began squeezing his hand, rhythmically, in exact time with the pulse in Adam’s prick. Adam groaned and managed a broken question in a guttural voice. “You’re...how...know...can’t...how?” Evan answered the question he shouldn’t have understood. “Your cock is mine. I just allow you to wear it.” Well, I’m glad somebody was able to translate.

‘He peppered Evan’s creamy flesh with kisses, quick pecks, slow slides of his lips, and marking long suckles. There was no rhyme reason or pattern and the unpredictable play suited their humor, keeping it alive even after Adam mounted Evan.’ Another pro tip: if you use a description that evokes barnyard animals mating, you should really rethinking that description. Mounting is a thing horses and cows do to one another. 

And if you can believe it, this scene actually goes on to become even less erotic:

‘They composed a most adult version of a nursery rhyme about sheep, timing the counting to their thrusts and lunges. And when Adam came first, Evan cheered him on, urged him on until he couldn’t speak anymore for his own impending release. Adam returned the tribute, challenging Evan to come harder, harder, and keep coming, more and more.’ While it’s always nice to have someone rooting for you, I personally feel that someone going full batshit sports stadium on me while I’m orgasming would probably put an immediate halt to that orgasm. Also, counting sheep is a thing you do to fall asleep, not track how many times you’ve thrust your cherry-flavored jizz wand into your partner’s ninth circle of asshole.

[cybrfang]

Whenever I imagine a version of Lost Boys were the roles are reversed and Lucy, Michael, Sam and the Frogs are the vampires, I always imagine the little guys being more bat-like. It’s as if, because they are kids, they have less control over their appearance. They have twitchy, pointed ears, six nostriled noses and their fingers are webbed. Also, the reverse of the biker/metal head look, they are flower children. Bright colours, layers, glitter on their cheeks. They are flying thrift stores.

I've never really thought about this either! It's such a cool idea. Obviously Lucy would be in charge! Grampa being second, making the rules to only feed on horrible, abusive people. But they still kill people. Michael would be the first to turn, yet when Sam is fighting the idea of getting changed, Michael makes the fast decision to sire Sam's friends, Edgar and Alan. So Sam decided to change then. Sam, Edgar, and Alan are still fledglings, so that sucks for them.

Suddenly a man named Max moves to Santa Carla with all of his adopted children. David, Marko, Dwayne, Paul, Star, and Laddie. And Lucy has a crush on Max, wanting to change all of his children to get him to stay with her forever.

They start dating, and Sam, Edgar, and Alan meet Laddie. They think he's dope and Michael seeing such a sweet kid (really just doing what his mom wants) changes Laddie. He starts feeling more chilled out, hanging with the Emersons. But then he starts floating while banging out with Star. They both freak out, not fully understanding what's going on. But Star knows some people who do know.

"Little dude... You're a bloodsucker!"

Now the Boys and Star have to figure out a way to change Laddie, not wanting him to stay this way forever. They start planning, not noticing the light knocking at the door. Well Laddie does, his hearing is amazing. He checks it out and sees his nice friends. Sam, and the Frog brothers.

Sam and the Frog brothers meet Laddie's beautiful sister and badass biker brothers. It's safe to say they almost lost their shit when they were pulled in and threatened with a recently broken chair leg. It takes a while from the boys to listen to the halfys and let them go.

Sam and the Frog don't want to kill people, and they don't want Laddie to kill anyone either.

"All of this is crazy and holy shit our dad is dating your mom! We've gotta save him!"

"From this [insert death metal band] they scream that we gotta kill the leader of your coven dude! So who the hell is it?!"

Hours of screaming and arguing later, Sam let's it slip that Lucy could be the sire, she's the one who gives her blood for people to drink. Next thing everyone knows, they're storming the Emerson's house, with Nanook alerting his master's that someone is coming.

Here's where things are a bit different.

Instead of Lucy and Max eating out, they're eating at home. Lucy has just finished explaining that she wants Max and his family to change so they can be together forever. Max begins to tell her that he has to think on it, and his kids have their own free will- when Paul kicks down the door screaming and holding man made stakes.

"MR. DAD DUDE! GET BEHIND ME AND I'LL SLAY THIS LEECH! THIS MAY BE A BIT OF A SURPRISE, BUT THEY'RE VAMPIRES!"

"Yeah I know."

"NO SERIO- wait what?"

Next thing everyone knows, they're having a huge conversation about everything and hey, if the kids don't want to kill, Max could get some donated blood bags of that was fine.

Turns out this version has a bit of a happy ending and a GIANT VAMPIRE FAMILY. But don't worry, Lucy wasn't the sire, it was her ex husband. It was why she had gotten a divorce. He changed her and Michael without their permission. Michael is grounded for a few years, because he changed the Froggies and Laddie without them realizing.

[maxbradley]

After Today (Prelude)

It's been a couple of weeks since my dad left to spend the rest of his happy life with the librarian, Ms. Mar-pole-ey. Er, I mean Marpole. Wasn't her name "Sylvia" or something? Whatever. I'm glad that he found the right one after so long. I really am! It's been a while since I had a mother. Heh heh. Man, the sun's making me kinda tired. I shuffle to the blinds and mess with the drawstrings until the orange light disappears from the room. The cotton feels good on my nose, cushioning my fall to the bed, "You did good, Max. You did good." I wrap arms around my pillow and bury my face in there for a minute, trying to get a wink of sleep… "Hey Max!" I let out a tiny groan as the wheat field disappears from my view again. Thrown back into nothing but a black hole, my hands reach for the edge of the mattress before I push my hand out of the cushion. My muzzle made a funny looking imprint, from what my half-shut eyes could see, "Yeah Bobby,”—I yawn, "What is it?" My aching neck won't support my skull; my head fell into the pillow again. Another groan. I really didn't want to get up this time. "What are you lying around for?? Come on Max the night is young”—He's shaking my shoulders again. Okay. So you may be asking, have I been plain lazy since we beat the Gammas at the X-Games? "Fine! I'll get up on my own thanks!" The blood rush to my brain knocks me out of balance. Well, no. I'm having a good summer so far. The rigorous practice cut itself down to a casual joyride. The same adrenaline drives me to greater heights, literally! And that look on his face—A laugh wakes me from my dry spell. Popularity soaring since we won. The trophy that my dad can show off to everyone— I'm feeling good right now! Oh wait. The feeling's gone. Dammit. "Aw. Look at the little champion. He's studying." The book is knocked out of my hands. I whirl my head up to glare straight into dark blue pools. His Gamma Geeks start laughing. All I want to do is punch 'Bradley Uppercrust the Third' in the face. My teeth grit and I stand up, keeping my eyes level to his. "Max. Ignore them. Sit down." PJ's tugging at my shirt. The ex-X Games King kept that smug little smirk, chuckling at his oh-so-clever stunt. I know he hates me for beating him, fair and square.

"Is there a problem, Baby Goof?" "Yeah, Brad. I think there is." Peej stood up and gripped my shoulder. I turn my head as he's shaking his own side to side. "Dog Boy needs his biscotti friend to calm down? What a loose cannon!" Tank looked at me differently from the others. He knows that we saved him. But even as we let bygones be bygones, I can't forget that he's on the other team. The Gamma House became, and still is, the sole target for hate, rancor. We could never be friends, even if we tried. "I think we've had our daily fix. Let's pack it up!" Much less with their retard of a leader… I thought they kicked him out? I growl and settle down on the stone bench. Apparently not. "Are you all right, Max?" I forgot to mention my ravings and rants throughout the preparation of the X-Games. Every other day I'd have something to complain about; usually the subject revolved around Uppercrust. Bobby, at some point, got himself entertained with other aspects of the college life. He's more interested in checking out girls than hear my bitching. It's embarrassing really. So now the only one that puts up with my frustration is my buddy Peej. Since we were kids in Spoonerville, we'd have the best of times—the worst of times and everything in between. Both of us put up with our overbearing fathers until we graduated from high school. Ha ha! And my dad decided to spend a year here to finish his education. I should have noticed a lack of a diploma when I was 11. But to be honest, if it wasn't for him, we would have been disqualified. I'm glad he got through my "get your own life" phase. That was the lowest point I ever had with him since that camping trip… Back when, I was in… ***** I'm a guy like every other. I got hormones. And when you look at a pretty girl you can't help but stare at them as they walk by. It's their fault for wearing shorts and skirts. I know what the ideal woman is from knowing PJ's mother. Debbie was a crazy, ugly looking cousin, but turned out to be a bombshell from what I could remember. Getting all cleaned up for her and everything. Heh heh heh. And then there was her. Roxanne. She was beautiful, inside and out. The wheat field in my dreams under that light blue sky remind me of her… That summer at the end of my sophomore year marked the beginning of our relationship. "Puppy Love", my dad would say as a joke. My feelings for Roxanne were strong even as we spent our last days together in senior year. Like any couple we had some fights, usually because there was something on her mind that she would never tell me, no matter how many times I asked. But then I would see it in her eyes, something was wrong. Eventually people were noticing my growing talent in skateboarding and other athletics, and they told me, "Max you're so good! Have you ever checked out the College X-Games?" "No!" I'd tell them. Then they told me to watch ESPN. So I did. I was floored by all the cool stunts they were doing. The Gammas were the best. I admired the X-Games King at first. He was everything I ever wanted to be: A superior athlete with decent looks, above everything and everyone, admired by all. Popular! I found out too late that he was a jerk. A complete jackass. Back to Roxanne before I crack. "I got a scholarship for college! Can you believe it?!" The tightest hug I ever gave her before spinning her around; I was just getting taller than her, and I think I almost choked her from the enthusiasm ~~~ "Max! Put me down!" "Oh Roxanne this is what I've always dreamed about!" "It's all you've been dreaming about?" "Yeah, what . . . ?" ~~~ I didn't know what to say after that. Her head stayed on her chest. The only thing I could do was kneel under her and give her a kiss on the lips. Hers were shaking, and I felt a tear on my cheek… ***** "Mmmph.—Ha… haa." It's happening again. The excitement was too much—I had to wake up. It began to throb again; l locked my knees together to get it to stop. There are some nights when I love my hormones. And then there are others when I hate them. Dreaming about your first love, now at a time when you get the basics of "that", is kinda disturbing. It seemed, back then, we were too good for that. And even now, I respect women. I swore not to let my primal instincts take over before marriage. And then have kids of our own. I'll make sure not to overprotect them like my dad did… But, maybe, even that… "Nggh!" What the hell was that?! I shot up in my bed before wringing my hands at the warm cloth. I kept on throbbing and throbbing. It wouldn't stop! It won't stop! I fell off the bed and I hear Bobby snort in his sleep. I clamber up to my feet and nearly stumble into the bathroom. I'm careful to click the door shut and turn on the fan before I curse at myself and see my red cheeks in the mirror, "Calm down!" Please calm down! Was it because I kept on obsessing over—?! "Max you're so stupid—I hate this!" I didn't care what hell time it was. I took off everything I had and delved into a cold shower to get rid of all the sweat— Just perfect! ***** "Just fuckin' perfect." I don't think they heard me with my head buried in my crossed arms. "Cheer up buddy. You're not the only one with freaky dreams." I never told them exactly what I dreamed about. "Yeah Max don't let it ruin your day!" I sit up, "But what if it is?!" Our professor glared at us three before clearing his throat. Lucky me to have Brad in the same class this summer session. I can see him from the corner of my eye, smiling at our interrupting of the class. I can't wait when he graduates next year. Good riddance. I groan and bury my head in my arms again, not even paying attention to our lecture on Freudian Theology—or whatever the hell that old man was blabbing on about. He's not the same guy as last year, but man his voice is so boring! God! It took forever until I heard the shuffling of papers and the shutting of notebooks. The zipping of backpacks and the click of tote bags. The light shone through the windows on the chalkboard, orange and a muddy green. I'm all ready for bed, "Max." Peej tapped on my shoulder, "Time to go." I let out a sigh before reaching down to get my pack, "I'll catch up with you later." I'm dead tired. My friend gives me a strange look and shrugs his shoulders, "If you catch up, I'll be at the Bean Scene. Bobby said he'd be at some free rock concert around campus." "I think, I'll just go back to the dorm and sleep." "But that's all you've been doing lately!" "I don't sleep very well." I push myself off of the desk and sway around for a bit before regaining balance on my sore feet. "Suit yourself. Um, do you think that we should, I dunno, go out on a road trip during the weekend or something, get some fresh air?" I sigh deeply and look away from him, "It's fine, Peej." We were the only people in the room. And now I was the only one. The sun was setting even lower, but I kept on staring at nothing. The screech of a nearby car outside snaps me out of my trance. I trudge up the steps and push the door open. I must have tripped on the bottom of a post because the next thing I knew I was on the ground, chin hitting the concrete, "Ouch!" I can see a shoe in front of my face and it threatened to kick me— I roll out of the way quickly and jump off the ground to see an all-too-familiar silhouette, red-orange shining the side of his prissy sweater— "What the hell do you want?!" I wasn't so tired anymore. "What I always wanted to do since we met— The collar of my shirt's pulled up to his giant chin, "beat you." I push him off me and block a blow to my jaw. I came under and punched him in the stomach—It was almost satisfying until I felt my back rammed up against the wall, the back of my head was about to go numb— "Make this easy for the two of us, freshman. Get the fuck out of here. Transfer out of this campus so that I never see your mug again." My eyes widen. I never heard him swear before. "Because, the next time I see it—the next time when we're all alone—I'll break it in!" The grip is suddenly released and he whirls around and leaves, but not down the stone steps. Like a thief he disappears 'round the corner of the building. My shallow breathing made my heart pound violently, for more reasons than one. I shake my head and wrench onto my pack's strap and practically run down the steps, grating my teeth together and only wanting to see Brad in a pool of his own blood— "oof!" The flutter of papers and a couple of books— "Watch it!" I growl. I'm about to push this guy to the ground—this guy with red hair… Dammit, it's a girl. Despite my sudden poisonous fantasies I kneel down begrudgingly to help pick up after her. Our hands touch, and through my glove I feel a wonderful warmth . . . A warmth. "I'm sorry." "It's okay." Our eyes peer up at one another. They lock. Her face is in shock. I recognize that beauty mark anywhere. "Roxanne." I breathe—my heart beat even faster than before. Something caught in my throat, but I didn't care— "Roxanne! Oh!" I knock her down on the bare sidewalk with a big hug, careful not to hit her head. All the feelings from the past washed over me in an older body—a taller body—she felt like a child in my arms, "Max?!”—I let her go so that she could catch her breath. I stand up and take her hand in mine lifting her off the ground and giving her a more civil embrace, "It's so good to see you again I can't believe it!" A finger comes in between our lips. " . . . Is it really you?" more sad than happy. "Yeah, Roxanne! It's me—Max—don't you remember me?" I broke into a humored smile. "I do." Didn't she used to be more bubbly and excited when we saw each other? "What are you doing here I thought you had gone to another campus??" I can't even pause between my words; I felt elated. Her hair got shorter. She's covering more of her skin too. Her shorts became loose jeans. "I did, Max. Stacey moved up here with her family and decided to transfer over. I came with her to visit for a couple of days. This is my last night." "Well how is she? Why are you walking around here by yourself? You were trying to find me, weren'tcha?" A playful nudge on her shoulder, like old times. She finally smiled, "I didn't think I would find you. At all." Then she slowly hung her head, again. A lump caught in my throat again; I had to swallow it down. "Roxanne." My fingers cup her chin and raise her brown eyes to mine. I want nothing more than to kiss her again, "I'll take you to the dorm. Come on." I pick up her stuff and offer her my arm to wrap herself around. "I'm fine, thanks." She's walking ahead of me. "You're walking the wrong way!" I laugh. "Oh. Sorry." "Don't be!" ***** Cappuccino's almost ready. I tell the machine to work faster under my breath. From the corner of my eye I can see Roxanne prodding at the scone I got her, "Did I catch you at a bad time? Period maybe??" I chuckle at my own joke. It seemed easier to be myself around her, not having to carry around my façade of the goody-two-shoe kid on campus. I was more mischievous towards her as we reached our senior year together. But I'd always draw the line wherever hands were concerned. I wouldn't dare touch her inappropriately, even now . . . Coffee's done. Damn she's silent tonight. Like before we had an argument. I'd always ask her, "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Are you sure?" "I'm sure." "Roxanne…" I forget about that endless cycle, "So how's your dad? College done you in yet?" "He's fine. College is good. I'm getting good grades…" "Higher GPA than mine, I bet!" Then she grins. I wish it could stay. I feel like reminiscing, "Did you miss me?" . . . "Did you, miss me??" I never noticed the bags under her eyes, like we suffered from the same spell of insomnia. The way she asked me the question made me nervous. "Of course! Wh- What makes you think otherwise?" The hand holding the mug begins to shake, "ow!" The hot water went into my gloves. "Are you all right, Max?" Roxanne's holding my hand in hers. I'm about to melt, "I've always missed you.. I still dream of the field." "What field are you talking about?" I bite my tongue down; I had let my sophomoric fantasies slip out of my big mouth. Her brows come together. I'm not liking her expression right now. "Look Max. I'm not surprised if you've gone and seen other girls. I don't care if you still see them after I'm gone." What? "Roxanne”—The chair scrapes the floor as I find myself kneeling before her—"Don't go. Not yet." "But I'm not leaving yet. Max, what are you doing??" My lips were pressed against her knuckles, palm, wrist. In a blur my eyes look up to her face before making contact with her own. As I stood up I took her by the waist and held her close, letting myself get lost in her scent. "Max! Stop it!" She's wiping her mouth, her pupils shrunken down. Roxanne's trying to get away. "Please don't go. But what do you mean I can't see you again?" "A lot's been going on and I can't take you with me!" "Roxanne, please—I'll even transfer out of this campus— A sharp slap—"Come back to your senses, Goof!" I let go, shaking. She's petrified in fear… of me. "Roxanne. What have I done wrong now??" "It's not what you did! It never was!" I choke on a gasp. Why am I crying? I wipe my tears before she sees them— "I know I did something wrong Roxanne! If you would just tell me!" You never tell me! The umber flared into lava under the iridescent lights, "Max!" I see her leaning on the kitchen counter for support, lips shaking and face pale as if she were about to throw up, "I was raped!" . . . . . "No. No, you weren't." I couldn't understand why a chuckle was coming from my own throat. "Max! Listen to me!" I'm lounging around on the couch and stifling my laughs. All of a sudden Roxanne's right next to me, "Max—mmph!— "No. You're too good. You're an angel." My right hand runs forever through her hair, dark and tight. I hear a sob within my chest, I feel the tears. Lying on top of me, my angel wrapped her arms around my neck and spoke, "Max . . . Do you remember? When everyone told you how good you were, in skateboarding." I can only give her a kiss on the head, "Yeah." "I got jealous." Of who? "Of your passion." "Why didn't you tell me? If I ignored you because I got caught up in sports, you could have told me." I turn over so that our eyes are the same height from the ground. We're pressed against the couch, holding onto each other for dear life. "I got depressed for a while… and then… he— ~~~ "Hey Roxanne. How 'bout Stacey's party?" ~~~ "We were juniors, Max, when it happened. I was so stupid to let him comfort me, hold me. Because, at that point, I wasn't getting any of that from you. You kept on obsessing over some 'Bradley Uppercrust'— In a pool of his own blood. "Roxanne. Don't mention that name again. I don't want to hear it." Her eyelids raise a bit and she nods her head, "Okay." I finally got a kiss from her dry lips, covered with salt. I didn't want to hear the rest. Good thing, because she was never going to tell me. It was her turn to comfort me when I burst into tears when the truth sank in… "I want you—I want to be with you forever… Marry me." My eyes blur over and fog out as I held on tighter . . . Marry me. "Please don't go." My arms are wrapped around my pillow. The sun shone yellow on my bedroom wall. Lazy eyes scanned the nightstand. The analog clock reads 7:20AM. I could hear the snoring of my roommates. I stare at the ceiling for the longest time before stretching out my arms and legs—one of them got a severe cramp, "ff—- owow ow—" I let the blood circulate so the pain would go away. All that was just a dream. I groan and sit myself up on the bed. After standing I stretch out even more and breathe in as much oxygen as I can. I exhale and shuffle to the bathroom, turn on the faucet and rinse my damp face. The cold water burned my cheek. It stung, "What?" Face wet, dripping of all the sweat and tears I shed, I spot a red mark in the mirror right where her hand had struck. Was I still in a dream, or in a living nightmare?

[zaffrenotes]

What were your thoughts on today's episode of Criminal Minds? and the promo for the next episode?

Henney anon? CM anon? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I have so many thoughts about this episode!! 

First, I LOVE that Simmons/Daniel Henney has been getting a bunch of screen time so far this season - they opened the season with the Simmons Sprinkle/mini baby shower, last week he was the main b-plot of the episode with the whole “my wife’s on bedrest, I’m watching the kids AND helping solve a case when I’m not trying to creatively figure out how to use dice with no numbers on them even though with 4 kids there’s got to be at least ONE board game with dice somewhere” and tonight was Simmons-centric (and Spencer-centric adjacent) when we see the BAU with a day off, that turns into a workday for some of them. 

attempting a cut again to avoid spoilers but it is what it is, friends!

Garcia taking lead on a case was great. Her line to Alvez about his snark and getting away with it “because of your face” was hilarious 

Day drunk/wine drunk Emily 😂coming over and not helping to assemble the obnoxiously red, custom-built, no refunds crib that doesn’t-go-with-anything in what used to be an office (sorry not sorry Breeder Matt!) was great

Matt with his “the paint is some kinda space age polymer and nothing will stick to it” juuuust like the dice from the game had numbers that wouldn’t stick to it 😂 (sweetie, sand the paint. nothing’s gonna stick to a smooth surface sealed with something intended to be safe for a child to nom on)

Reid and his meet-cute with Max was definitely cute. I can’t even with her nephew that told him he had weird hair AND a long neck 😂though the pace of their first day together is moving fast (we’re nearly halfway through the final season so I get WHY it’s moving fast, I just don’t like it)

Alvez basically gave up his entire day off to help Garcia with a case - and the two of them working together was cute

TBH I didn’t pay that much attention to Emily’s scenes because I was using that time to update my twitter feed to see what everyone else was talking about during the episode. I did think it was funny she dragged Tara into helping her because she (Tara) looked like the ex-wife though

UNCLE DAVE 😭

Uncle Dave asking Matt and Kristy if that was a real number (in regards to what they’d have to save up for F I V E college educations) - ‘fraid so, man. 

creepy creepy CREEPY Joe Goldberg level stalker creepiness when Garcia and Alvez found all those listening devices in the apartment, not to mention THE BOX 👀👀👀

SIMMONS STORIES 😭YES MATT, BE A WRITER!!

I love that Rossi suggested they collaborate on it - rather than Rossi thinking of some weird way to give Matt and Kristy money - and he could show Matt how to get into writing true crime novels with all the crazy sh!t they’ve seen over the years so he could have another income venue

Rossi sure likes smoochin Simmons not that I blame him at all I mean LOOK AT HIM

Reid with the sprinklers and Max with the “use your skillset to find me, then” 😉 THIS IS CUTE

okay so that baby got here FAST and that delivery was crazy FAST but she’s also done this 4 times already so it kinda makes sense

Flustered, frazzled Henney/Matt is ADORABLE and they’re arguing about the stupid crib while Kristy’s in labor these two I can’t even–😂

BURN IT! // (Yes, dear) 😂

I was suspicious of the convo JJ and Reid had at the end because it seemed like she was almost jealous that he is FINALLY moving on and showing interest in someone else but…good, good, she’s trying to do him a solid and telling him to go find the girl

I am NOT looking forward to next week’s episode because Brown Eyes and Muscles 😂are in trouble and Matt’s head is bleeding and HE JUST HAD A BABY COME ON. Couldn’t be all slightly warped, never quite sunshine and rainbows for the BAU, right?

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, December 14

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Prince William’s secret cancer crisis

Page 2: Chris Martin is caught between girlfriend Dakota Johnson and ex-wife Gwyneth Paltrow who are both hawking sex toys -- Gwyneth is accusing Dakota of copying her Goop brand and she’s letting Chris know it loud and clear -- Dakota signed on as co-creative director with the sexual wellness brand Maude to launch a line of hip sex products and Dakota’s gotten wind of Gwyn’s whining and thinks she’s being ridiculous -- Chris is proud of Dakota and he feels for Gwyneth but he really wants to be left out of this 

Page 3: Martha Stewart has whipped up a new recipe for romance which is red-hot dates with a string of men ordered up online and she may be 79 years old but she’s still cooking with gas in the dating department -- Martha’s getting more dates now than she ever has and she’s saying it makes her feel younger and hotter than ever but all the guys know the deal that there’s no pressure and no commitment and it’s just for the fun and the good company because Martha’s not looking for a relationship 

Page 4: Just weeks after Blake Shelton popped the question to longtime love Gwen Stefani they have something else to celebrate as Gwen is expecting a miracle baby at 51 -- after years of trying and failing to have a child together new photos show Gwen sporting what looks like a telltale baby bump -- after years of enduring grueling rounds of IVF treatment without any success Gwen had given up hope of being able to conceive again and she and Blake even looked into adopting but their baby dream has come true naturally 

* Reba McEntire’s romance with actor Rex Linn is less than a year old but she’s already driving him crazy -- it was wonderful for the first few months but Reba is so controlling Rex is begging her to give him some space -- Reba wants to be together 24/7 and while Rex loves being with her he’s starting to find her a bit suffocating -- Reba also sees red whenever Rex mentions his former fiancee Renee DeRese and she’s worried Rex is talking to his ex when he’s not around and he has a good relationship with his ex and believes that’s none of Reba’s business 

Page 5: Britney Spears lost her bid to have her father Jamie Spears removed from a controlling role in her conservatorship so she’s spending whatever money she can get her hands on to exact her revenge -- Britney is worth about $60 million and she gets a very healthy stipend from that so she’s going through it like water to thumb her nose at her dad and her recent no-holds-barred trip to Maui to celebrate her 39th birthday was more than a little payback because dropping $50,000 on a birthday trip to Hawaii was a satisfying slap in the face to her dad 

Page 6: Matthew McConaughey is taking his midlife crisis to an all-time high by planning to do a stand-up comedy tour -- after baring his soul in a memoir the 51-year-old star is totally gung-ho about the comedy thing and he’s cleared his schedule and hired a coach to work on his timing and punch up his jokes -- he’s written a lot of jokes and tried them out on his wife Camila and friends but they’re already tired of his cheesy one-liners and dad jokes and fart gags -- Camila wants to be supportive but she can’t fake it and friends wonder if Matthew’s lost the plot and others claim he might get more inspiration is he took up smoking weed again 

Page 7: Grieving Bobby Brown worries he’s cursed after the tragic death of his 28-year-old son Bobby Brown Jr. -- his son’s death follows the deaths of his ex-wife Whitney Houston in 2012 and the couple’s 22-year-old daughter Bobbi Kristina Brown in 2015 -- Bobby has suffered through so much pain in his life and it’s left him feeling like he’s cursed and he’s a loving father who always does the best he can and what’s right for his kids but there seems to be no escaping tragedy -- no foul play is expected in the death of Bobby Jr. but the coroner has yes to release the cause of death but Bobby Jr. seemed fit and healthy and had never been a drug user and was excited about a singing career after releasing his first single in September

* Donny Osmond is heading back to the Vegas strip to do a one-man show without his sister Marie Osmond and she’s fuming over the betrayal -- Marie is still smarting after getting dumped by The Talk and she thinks Donny could have been sensitive enough to at least invite her to join him -- Marie’s jealous co-stars on The Talk drove her off the daytime chat show because they couldn’t handle being overshadowed by her -- Donny will debut his new solo show at Harrah’s in August 

Page 8: Doting Dolly Parton swooped in to save goddaughter Miley Cyrus from a meltdown after Miley trashed her sobriety during a boozy bender -- Miley has been on the wagon for six months after years of indulging in weed and alcohol but the boredom of lockdown pushed her over the edge -- Dolly has been a source of inspiration and strength to Miley during this difficult time and she’s never lectured Miley about her lifestyle only shown her unconditional love and understanding and that’s what Miley’s responded to 

Page 9: Lady Gaga hopes to tango with Brad Pitt and they’re close to making a love connection -- the two have been in deep talks about working on a big-screen thriller and the conversations have turned up close and personal because the two have more in common than people realize -- Brad has always been a huge music nerd and Gaga wants to throw herself into movies in a big way after the success of A Star Is Born -- Gaga is ready to cash out of her latest relationship with businessman Michael Polansky because they quarantined together and things got a little too close for her tastes and she’s now set her sights on Brad who recently became unattached after giving the brush-off to German model Nicole Poturalski -- Gaga’s interest in Brad has not gone unreciprocated because Brad is fascinated by Gaga saying she’s cool and talented beyond words and he’s made it clear she’s his number one choice to star alongside him in next movie and as a result the new duo is set to spend months together in Japan filming the racy thriller Bullet Train and they both think that this will be a great opportunity to see if the chemistry they’ve shared in conversations is real 

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Julia Garner filmed her role as a phony heiress in Inventing Anna in NYC, Gary Busey picked up a copy of the National Enquirer at a Malibu newsstand, Jay-Z tossed around a football with pals during a Hawaiian getaway, Heidi Klum shot Germany’s Next Top Model in Berlin 

Page 11: In the latest tragedy to strike the Getty dynasty 52-year-old John Gilbert Getty was found dead in a Texas hotel room -- he was a descendant of J. Paul Getty the oil tycoon who was once the world’s richest man -- the Getty fortune is worth an estimated $5 billion but the family has been rocked by a string of tragedies 

* Gutsy Black Panther star Chadwick Boseman kept his colon cancer diagnosis secret from his own brothers Derrick L. Boseman who is a pastor in Murfreesboro in Tennessee -- but when Derrick called Chadwick to congratulate him on his career the actor broke the tragic news -- Chadwick’s last words to him still echo in his heart: Chadwick said, “I’m in the fourth quarter and I need you to get me out of the game,” which Derrick understood to mean it was time for him to go -- Chadwick died on August 28 

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- the scrawny look of the holiday tree at Rockefeller Center revealed something that happens every year -- the tree is always filled with faux branches because that’s the only way the tree can sustain 50,000 LED lights

* Marie Osmond hasn’t spoken to Sharon Osbourne since she left The Talk because Marie and Sharon were professional but never friends

* Scarlett Johansson is worth $165 million while her new husband Colin Jost tops out a $6 million but despite the difference Colin bought both wedding rings -- some men may be intimidated by a wife who’s rich and famous but not Colin and paying the bills is something the two have worked out together

* Woody Harrelson chats with police after a day filming The Man from Toronto in Ontario (picture) 

Page 13: Conan O’Brien is putting on a happy face on his retirement from late-night TV but he was forced out -- after nearly three decades hosting a daily show Conan announced he’s leaving his TBS talker for a weekly variety series on HBO Max but he knew he had to go even before he was asked because he was made aware months ago that his show would not be renewed because the ratings weren’t great and the network was looking to replace him so he started looking for other opportunities 

* Lizzo wailing about the pitfalls of fame in an emotional TikTok post has sent out the alarm among her friends who fear she is days away from a full-on meltdown -- she seems to be hanging by a thread and is trying to numb the pain with endless cycles of comfort eating and she already weighs 350 pounds -- Lizzo’s unhappy with her weight and hates the sight of herself when she looks in the mirror but she’s unable to stick to a diet and ends up binge eating through the night 

Page 14: Crime 

Page 15: Emboldened by his legal victories last year accused sexual abuser Kevin Spacey is denying all the allegations in a 2020 lawsuit in New York against him and demanding the case be brought to trial so he can clear his name -- Kevin is feeling pretty confident after two sexual harassment cases against him in Los Angeles and Massachusetts were dismissed last year and he wants his day in court to prove he is not the monster these charges paint him to be -- in the September suit two male accusers charged Spacey sexually assaulted them when they were 14 and the first accuser alleged Spacey assaulted him on multiple occasions after they met in an acting class in the ‘80s -- in the same suit actor Anthony Rapp charged Spacey invited him to a party at his home and grabbed his buttocks and lifted him onto a bed and lay on top of him

* Serial killer Ted Bundy relived the details of one of his horrific killings in his final conversation before he was fried in the electric chair in 1989 -- Bundy who was convicted of killing 30 women and suspected of doing the same to many more across four states in the 1970s and ‘80s spilled his guts to a psychologist just hours before his execution death and it can be heard in its frightening entirety on the Crimedoor app -- Bundy details the murder of Georgann Hawkins 

Page 16: Accused Jeffrey Epstein madam Ghislaine Maxwell is under quarantine in a federal pen after being exposed to a guard with COVID-19 and now sources fear she could die before facing justice on child sex trafficking charges next year 

Page 17: Prince William and Duchess Kate Middleton’s kids are devastated after their best friend Lupo the family dog passed away -- the beloved dog had become a fixture in family photos but sadly died at age nine leaving Prince Louis and Princess Charlotte and especially Prince George enormously upset -- for George especially this is a tremendous upset as Lupo was his best friend and he has been there his entire life and this is his first experience with loss and he’s been crying nonstop and asking where Lupo is now 

Page 18: American Life 

Page 19: Russia is using a brain-frying microwave weapon to target American envoys in the U.S. and around the world -- a team of doctors and scientists at CIA headquarters determined the mysterious illness that’s plagued embassy workers in recent years was the handiwork of a weapon that can send a mind-scrambling sonic beam through windows and walls from two miles away -- since 2018 the weapon has zapped 26 diplomats in Cuba who reported suffering from migraines and ringing in the ears and dizziness and vertigo -- Some has longer-term effects such as fatigue and loss of vision and difficulty sleeping symptoms dubbed the Havana Syndrome 

* Elon Musk is already designing posh planetary digs for residents of his future city on Mars and he said the first million Earthlings to arrive will live in glass domes -- Musk’s outer-space enterprise is still a little sketchy on details of how to ship a million people to Mars by 2050 and change the atmosphere by terraforming or planting the right stuff to create oxygen 

Page 21: American Pie singer Don McLean’s daughter has blasted him as a verbally abusive tyrant who left her with deep psychological scars -- Jackie McLean claimed her father insulted and degraded her and forbade her from following in his musical footsteps and even threatened to exclude her from his $50 million fortune if she spoke out against him -- despite her dad’s warning Jackie has embarked on a musical career with her husband Shawn Strack forming the group Roan Yellowthorpe

Page 22: Hey, Big Spender! Hollywood’s tippers and tightwads -- Jessica Simpson, Mick Jagger, Rachael Ray, Taylor Swift 

Page 23: Russell Crowe, Donnie Wahlberg, Jeremy Piven, Johnny Depp, Bill Cosby 

Page 25: Justin Bieber is questioning his future in the scandal-scarred Hillsong church after his former pal and pastor Carl Lentz was booted out in disgrace -- the singer has long relied on Hillsong which some have branded a cult and Lentz to help him navigate fame -- Justin’s at a crossroads right now because he definitely felt betrayed by Carl and now he and his wife Hailey Bieber are deciding whether to stay with the church 

Page 26: Viola Davis has revealed how growing up poor in Rhode Island affected her self-worth saying what comes with poverty is invisibility and we just want to be somebody desperately -- Viola says her feeling of I’m Important helped drive her career which has led to an Oscar and two Tonys and an Emmy 

* Hollywood Hookups -- Vanessa Hudgens is dating Cole Tucker of the Pittsburgh Pirates, Jordan Fisher and Ellie Woods married, Luann De Lesseps dating Garth Wakeford 

Page 27: Nicole Kidman has revealed there is only one cure for her desperate struggles with loneliness which is in the arms of husband Keith Urban -- Nicole said she practices psychological discipline to keep her career and home life separate but isolation still plagues her 

* Dallas star Linda Gray is mourning the death of her son Jeff Thrasher at the age of 56 -- she’s heard from some former Dallas colleagues who have rallied around her and expressed their condolences -- no cause of death for Jeff has been revealed 

Page 28: Cover Story -- Prince William is trapped in a cancer nightmare after medical tests have led doctors to suspect the heir to Britain’s throne may be fighting a slow-moving form of the deadly disease and now the 38-year-old royal and his family are terrified he is in severe danger and medical experts are monitoring his health for any symptoms of the illness -- there’s talk around the palace the prince’s decision to reveal he tested positive for COVID-19 during the spring is really an attempt to explain away his condition because doctors found something funky when they checked for the virus -- if William’s health takes a turn for the worse it could further erode confidence in the monarchy which has already endured Prince Andrew’s sex scandal and the defection of Prince Harry -- when William’s doctors dropped their cancer bombshell his wife Duchess Kate Middleton locked herself away with just their kids for five days and she’s practically had a breakdown but she’s learned to be a royal and is now coping very bravely and confronting the future with steely resolve but she is urging William to mend fences with his estranged brother Harry

Page 32: Health Watch 

Page 36: Jessica Simpson is preparing her windpipes for a post-pandemic musical comeback -- she hasn’t released an album since Happy Christmas a decade ago but wants to storm the pop charts once again and recruit some of her wider family to give her a disco edge because Jessica has always looked up to Diana Ross who is sister Ashlee Simpson’s mother-in-law and Jessica has been bugging Ashlee to hook her up with Diana and she thinks they could do an incredible duet 

Page 38: Paul McCartney has taken a seething jab at a two-faced gold-digging mystery woman in his new song Lavatory Lil but insisted it’s not about his ex-wife Heather Mills 

* Lil Wayne’s ex-girlfriend fears he will go insane behind bars -- the rapper is a convicted felon banned from possessing a weapon and now faces up to 10 years in jail after federal agents in Miami caught him with heroin and cocaine and ecstasy and marijuana and a gold-plated gun -- former girlfriend Melissa Howe says he won’t cope and it took him years to get his life back to normal after his last trip inside so for it to happen again for him to be put behind bars it would really get to him mentally 

Page 42: Red Carpet -- American Music Awards -- Kristin Cavallari, Christian Serratos, Paris Hilton, Dua Lipa, Bebe Rexha, Megan Fox 

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- LeAnn Rimes holding a dog on Hallmark Channel’s Home and Family 

Page 47: Odd List 

[maple-keenes]

now you don’t

chapter 1 of 5 

previous chapter | next chapter

summary: roman atlas. logan mckinney. virgil may reeves. patton wilder. 

they are the greatest magicians of all time, also known as the four horsemen. trapped in a standoff against the fbi, they race against the law to finally set some damn things right. 

word count: 3639

ships: eventual prinxiety, eventual remile

a/n: aaaaaaaaaaaa i did it!!! once i saw all the positive feedback on the sneak peek i just had to finish it out 

read on ao3

taglist: @stricken-with-clairvoyancy @imnotcameraready @icequeenoriginal @starryfirefliesbloggo @violettucce @dapper-deceit @therealmoshar @lucifer-just-needs-a-hug @mintgreenglasses @thelowlysatsuma @aroundofapplesauce @ironwoman359 @theresneverenoughfandoms @ukaia @ilovemygaydad @notalwaysthevillian @weirdsthenewnormal @theincediblesulk @romansleftshoulderpad @alltimevirgilant @max-is-tired @creativity-killed-thekitten (holy crap that’s a lot of people) 

---

Come in close.

Closer.

Because the more you think you see, the easier it’ll be to fool you.

Roman Atlas smirked as he held the cards out in front of him, winking at the gorgeous blonde in front of him. “I’m going to flip through this deck, and you’re going to see one card. I promise.”

She smiled back at him, nodding - of course, Roman knew which card she was gonna see, this is all too easy and of course, she was an amateur and he was the best street magician in years.

He closed his eyes for a bit, pretending to think about the cards. When he was finished, Roman flicked his wrist, quickly fanning the cards out in front of him. “Do you see your card?”

Shaking her head, she batted her eyelashes at him flirtatiously.  “No,” she said, still smiling.

Roman grinned. “Then I guess we’ll have to remedy that,” he replied, throwing the cards into the air. The motion directed the audience’s eyes towards the nearby building and they gasped in awe as the side of the building lit up, revealing her card - seven of diamonds.

They all clapped enthusiastically, cheering and whooping for the magic. Roman reveled in it - of course he did, they were clapping and cheering for him, he made that happen, even if it was as simple as simple gets. They were smiling because of him.

Somewhere else, at the same moment, Logan McKinney was having a great day.

He had already made 500 dollars that day, tricking businessmen into believing he was their new business partner and nicking the cash off of them, but it was the cheating husbands who really brought in the money.

“And sleep,” he said, bringing the woman’s head to his shoulder. “And… back awake.” Logan snapped his fingers and the woman jolted up.

He held up a twenty dollar bill. “If you can take this out of my hands, you can have it.” She reached forward but couldn’t grab it, as her fingers were laced together, unable to move. She laughed and Logan grinned back at her, pocketing the twenty dollars. “Alright, I’ll make it easier on you. Just tell me your name,” he teased, watching her struggle to even get the words out.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’ll set you right in a minute, but right now I think it’s your husband’s turn…” Logan turned to the man. “Let’s see what I can discover.”

The man waved his hands in front of his face. “I - I - that’s unnecessary, sir - “

“No, no, I think you’ll find it’s quite necessary - well, for me, of course - but really, the chance you’ll die from mentalism is infinitesimal, so don’t worry…” He laughed. “Anyways,” Logan continued, staring into his mark’s eyes, “I see… a beach? In… Florida?”

The man tried to look away from Logan’s eyes as he muttered, clearly embarrassed, “It was a business trip.”

Logan tilted his head to the side. “I mean, yes, technically it’s business… What’s her name?” He began listing off letters, stopping when the man jerked ever so slightly backward at “J”. Smirking, Logan turned to the side and started to pace. “J, huh? Maybe Jean, Jane, Janet -”

The man made another jerking motion.

“Janet? Who’s Janet?” Logan glanced over to the man’s wife, who was, through gritted teeth, mumbling something that sounded like “sister”. “Your sister? That’s quite the affair, my friend.”

He sighed. “Listen, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but - “

“But I can make it all go away!” Logan gave the man a lopsided smile. “For the low, low fee of… oh, let’s make it 300.”

“Dollars?”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “I know all your secrets. I know things you haven’t even thought about in years… so yeah, let’s make it 350 for my troubles. And,” he drawled, “as the icing on the cake, let’s fix this whole debacle. Every time you think of Janet,” he placed a hand on the man’s head, “you will think of me. Hopefully, that should be enough.”

He backed up, putting the 350 dollars in his pocket, and snapped his fingers. The woman’s head jerked up, confused. Logan smiled apologetically at her and said, “I guess you just can’t be hypnotized. I’m sorry, ma’am, it just doesn’t work on some people…” he trailed off, winking at her husband. He glowered at Logan, placing a hand on his wife’s shoulder as they walked away.

On a boat in New York City, Patton Wilder was about to lose a lot of money.

Of course, they were going to get it back, but it was all in good fun, really, the loss of it. If they never lost it, someone was bound to catch on.

They jumped up onto the front of the boat. “Hello, amazing travelers! I’ve got a simple magic trick for you - simple for me, not simple for you, of course - and if you can figure out how I’ve done it, I’ll give you 100 dollars. Promise.”

The crowd murmured amongst themselves as Patton smiled to themselves, pulling a spoon out of their pocket. “I am going to bend this spoon with my mind!” they yelled, causing the crowd to cheer.

They brought their hand up to the side, pretending to force it to bend as they twisted the stem between their fingers.

The crowd cheered, and Patton smiled, basking in it until some guy in a beanie with tastefully expensive glasses walked up and grabbed the spoon out of his hand, showing the rest of the people gathered on the boat the obvious falsity of the trick. He turned to the crowd, waving Patton’s spoon around. “It’s fake!” The man spun back around, holding out his hand. “I believe you owe me some money?”

Patton raised an eyebrow, handing over the hundred dollars - and slyly undoing his watch as they did. “A promise is a promise,” they said, patting the man on the back as they reached into his pocket and removed his wallet. They then nodded to their victim and walked off, speeding up once they were out of the man’s sight.

As Patton jumped off the boat back onto the dock, they heard their mark yell out, “That man! He stole my wallet!”

Patton turned around, affronted. “How dare you assume I’m a man, sir?” they called, giggling as they ran off yet again, enjoying the cacophony raised behind them.

And in a Las Vegas nightclub, Virgil May Reeves was about to die.

Well, only for about ten seconds. But still. Dead.

He hopped up on the third tier of the stage, waving to the audience. “You’ve been so good to me tonight, I don’t know how I can leave!” he called, as they whooped and cheered for him. “Alright, alright. I’ve got one last trick. I’m gonna jump in this tank, save myself, and if I can’t get out in 60 seconds, well, the piranhas will take care of me.” He gestured to the giant cage above him as the crowd gasped.

“Well, let’s get me chained up, shall we? A man’s gotta have his handcuffs, trust me,” Virgil said, winking. “Now, come on, this is getting boring. We’ve got death to defy, people!”

He smiled out at the crowd and shimmied his hips a bit before the platform dropped out from underneath him and he was plunged into the water below.

Virgil made a show of undoing the first handcuff before he dove to the bottom to try and pull out the locks. As he realized he couldn't undo it, hr started banging on the glass, screaming for help. The crowd tried to help, but the shatterproof glass refused to break.

As the seconds ticked down, Virgil finally managed to get the locks dislodged from the grate and kicked off the bottom, only for the piranhas to drop right as he breached the surface of the water.  

People screamed as the water turned red, Virgil's body disappearing out of view. The panic continued until someone in the back yelled out, "This is crazy! What kind of sick sadist invented this?", then burst into laughter as the crowd parted around them to reveal Virgil himself. He grinned widely, giving the crowd around him high-fives.

It was only a few minutes after each of those tricks where each and every one of our four heroes pulled out a tarot card, seemingly from a place no man should ever have been able to reach.

Roman’s, hidden in the book bag he’d left in his apartment, bore the symbol of the Lovers.

Logan’s, laying on top of the table next to him, the table he’d been staring at as he packed up his stuff, bore the symbol of the Hermit.

Patton’s, stuffed in the man’s wallet they had just stolen, the wallet which had been in their back pocket, bore the symbol of Death.

And Virgil’s, floating in the tank he had just escaped from, amongst the piranhas, bore the symbol of the High Priestess.

Each and every one of them had an eye on the back, with a date, time, and address.

March 29th, 4:44 PM, 45 East Thomas St, NY, NY.

So come March 29th, at 4:43 PM, on the curb outside 45 East Thomas St, on the outskirts of Manhattan, Virgil was staring up at the building with a coffee clutched in his hand, when he heard someone call his name from behind him.

“Hey! Virgil!”

Virgil turned around to see his former boss and er, ex-boyfriend, waving at him from the cab. “Hey, Roman!”

He held up a card. “You, uh, got one of these cards too?”

“Uh, yeah, I did,” Virgil replied, before turning around and heading up the stairs.

“So, Virgil, what have you been up to these days?” Roman asked, following him into the building. “I - I haven’t seen you since -”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Cut the crap, Roman, I’ve seen your anonymous posting on my website. You’re not sly, or clever, or anything.”

He huffed. “I didn’t even know you had a website, but good, that’s good for you.”

“Oh, shut up -”

Their bickering continued as they walked up the stairs, only stopped when they saw Logan, leaning against the door to Number 45.

Logan bit his lip. “Oh. So… I guess I’m not the only one who got one of these cards? Well, let me be the first to say that I am wholly disappointed.” He smiled a bit, looking at the two other magicians standing in the hallway. “Wait, before you tell me your names… Victor? Virgil?”

Virgil nodded, looking slightly amazed. Roman scoffed. “Virge, it’s on your coffee cup. Nice trick, man.”

“Thanks for keeping me honest. That wasn’t mentalism, just an observation…”

Roman crossed his arms. “I know who you are, McKinney, and I’m not interested in your, uh, mind games,” he said, and Logan simply laughed, waving his hands around as Virgil stifled a giggle in the background. However, they all stopped when the fourth member of their motley crew bounded up the stairs, gasping in awe when they saw the three others gathered in front of the door.

“Oh my gosh, you’re Roman Atlas! And - and you’re Logan McKinney! And oh god, Virgil May Reeves, oh, you guys are so awesome!” they gushed, beaming, nearly jumping up and down.

Logan raised an eyebrow, seemingly amused. “And you are?”

“I’m Patton Wilder! I - I’m the nonbinary criminal? I do some stuff on the docks, a little bit of pickpocketing but only a little!” They shrugged. “I got one of the tarot cards too, don’t worry.”

“My ego has been utterly shattered,” Logan muttered. “What’s to say they just let in any off the street criminal now?”

“I’m not some two-bit thug, McKinney,” Patton scowled, though it quickly turned into a wide smile. “I’m your new best friend!”

“Yeah… no.”

Patton shook their head. “Just you wait. Anyways, why are we all standing out here? If I remember correctly, the card didn’t say to stand outside the apartment…”

Virgil snorted. “Okay, smartass, it didn’t. But the door’s locked.”

“Oh, no, nothing’s ever locked,” they responded, pulling a long metal rod out of their pocket and deftly unlocking the door and pushing it open. “See?’

“You, my friend, are más de lo que parece,” Roman acquiesced, smiling, not too bothered about whether Patton understood the Spanish or not. “Let’s go, then.”

They walked into the apartment, each with their flashlights on as they poked around the apartment.

“God, this place makes my apartment look nice,” Logan mumbled as he shone his light on a very filthy bathroom. “Why the hell are we here?”

“Because of this,” said Virgil, pointing at the ground, where a strange shape was carved into it, and a rose was sitting next to a pitcher. He picked the rose up gingerly and placed it in the pitcher, and all of a sudden the water started pouring out of it, filling the symbol on the floor with it.

And once it was full, the symbol dropped into the floor, turning into a gas that poured out of it, twisting in between each of the crew’s ankles, enveloping the room. Each and every one of them looked on in awe, perplexed by the whole thing, really.

“Atlas, grab the lights!” Virgil called, backing up towards the wall.

Roman flicked the switch up and down. “No electricity.”

“We’ll see about that,” Logan declared, twisting the lightbulb in the light fixture above him. Suddenly, a blue hologram sprung up in the middle of the room, and the four of them crowded around it.

Patton breathed out a soft, “Woah,” as Virgil held a hand up to it, examining the blueprints.

“This is… amazing,” Logan said, at a loss for words.

Roman gasped. “Guys, look… it’s a show.”

The same symbol that was carved in the floor was flickering in the center of the hologram, underneath the words The Four Horsemen.

las vegas

one year later

“Helloooooooo, Las Vegas! Let me hear you!” Roman yelled, the crowd cheering at the top of their lungs.

“Okay, for our last trick tonight, we are going to do something that has never been done before on a Las Vegas stage,” Logan said as the crowd’s cheers died out.

Virgil grinned. “We are going to rob a bank.”

Patton held their hands up. “We’re not even kidding. But, to start off, who’s got a bank they’d like us to rob?”

Most of the crowd raised their hands, causing Roman to laugh and say, “Well, that’s a lot of people with a vendetta. Just to keep it truly random, we’ll have you guys pick the seat number of the person whose bank we’re going to rob for us. Now, Pat, which bowl do you have?”

They raised the bowl of ping pong balls into the air. “I’ve got sections! You, sir, in the front, would you grab one for me?”

The person they held the bowl out to handed Patton the ball and they threw it to Roman, who was standing in the center of the raised platform. He caught it and yelled out, “We’ve got Section B!”

The section in question cheered, and Virgil smiled as he bent down and offered his bowl, containing row numbers to the person in front of him. “Atlas, catch!”

Roman snickered as he caught it. “Looks like we’ve got… Row 5! Row 5, Section B, raise your hands.”

They did so as Logan made his way over to the person closest to him with his bowl, which contained the seat numbers. He then threw his audience selection over to Roman, who called out, “Seat 13! Section B, Row 5, Seat 13! Stand up!”

A man stood up, and the attendant handed him the microphone. “That’s me.”

“And what is your name, sir?”

“Etienne Personnage.”

“And your bank?”

“Credit Republicain de Paris.”

Roman blinked. “Oh. French. Honestly, we were hoping for something a little more local, but that’s okay, that’s okay. Well, Etienne, come up here onstage.”

“And while Etienne makes his way up onstage, we’re going to recognize the woman who put us up on stage today - Mrs. Ira Apellido, and her wife, of course. Three cheers for them!” Logan called, and the audience whooped as a woman in her late fifties stood up.

Virgil raised his hands, hoping to get the audience to settle down. “ First, we need you to pick a card, any card, well, okay, not that card. Sorry, American joke… yeah, that one. Can you sign it for us? Preferably in English.” Etienne scribbled his name on the card, and Virgil smiled. “Okay, okay, now for the real trick. Etienne, here is this magic thing we in the magic business call a teleportation helmet. It’s quite stylish, no?” He laughed as he handed it to Etienne.

“And as for the teleportation device itself…” Pattom smirked, throwing three large black silk sheets out into the center of the stage. They twirled around in the center for a bit before shooting off into the audience, revealing a large metal contraption in the middle of the stage. “Etienne, if you could just be a dear and step into the center of this device… thanks. Now, can we get a countdown?”

The audience counted down from 5, and then Virgil pulled down a lever on the side of the contraption and Etienne vanished. There were gasps from all over the room as a screen lit up on the side of the room, showing Etienne within a bank vault.

“Holy shit, it worked!” Roman cried. “Okay, Etienne, does this look like your bank vault?”

The man onscreen nodded, seeming amazed at the stacks of euros in front of him.

“Good, good. Now, can you take that card and the ticket from tonight’s show and put it in the center of the stacks? And then sit back and relax,” Roman said, grinning.

Patton nodded. “Just watch out for the vacuum.”

Etienne looked momentarily confused, and then dropped the two pieces of paper into the center of the stacks as the money was suddenly sucked up into the vents above the vault.

“Goddamn, guys, would you look at that! Now, Etienne, if you press the button on the side of your helmet, you should teleport right back up here onto the platform and then you can watch it rain,” Virgil assured him. “Now, to our faithful audience… We are the Four Horsemen!”

And as the money began to fall from the ceiling, showering the crowd in euros, the four of them called out together, “Goodnight!” as they vanished off the stage.

It was the next day when FBI Agent Remy Rhodes got the call that four magicians had robbed a Parisian bank from a stage in Las Vegas.

He stormed into the office, already mad beyond belief. “What the hell do you guys mean that magicians robbed a bank? You’re kidding!”

Agent Stokes grimaced, fearing the aftermath of Remy’s wrath. “We’re not kidding, I’m afraid. We went to their hotel room yesterday and they simply… turned themselves in. It was quite the debacle.”

Remy sighed, running a hand down his face. “Oh, this is ridiculous.”

“Je suis d’accord, Monsieur Rhodes. It is an interesting case,” the man who had previously been leaning against the door said.

“Who is this, exactly?” he asked.

The man laughed. “I am Emile Dray. Interpol. I will be your partner on this case.”

“I’m not working with him,” Remy cried, “he’s pretentious! And French! I can’t - this is my case!”

“Je vais essayer de ne pas être offensé, grand putain d'idiot,” Emile muttered. “We will be working together and you will like it. Now, we ‘ave to get to interrogating, Monsieur Rhodes.”

Remy tried hard to suppress a shiver at the way Dray pronounced his name. “Fine. God fucking damn it, fine.”

He giggled, hand on the door. “That’s the spirit.”

As the two walked into the interrogation room, McKinney immediately shot up. “Oh my god, I just got hit with the biggest wave of sexual tension.” Logan waved a hand through the air. “It’s so thick, it’s like you two just want to push each other up against the wall and -”

“We’ll be doing the talking here, thanks,” Remy cut in smoothly, ignoring Emile’s quite obvious blush.

“Hey, I mean, you’re going to have to talk about it at some point. I know you just met and all, but… it’s kind of ridiculous.”

“Shut up, McKinney,” he growled.

A little bit later, once they’d decided that Logan was essentially useless to their investigation, they turned to Atlas himself. “Why’d you rob a bank?” Remy asked, rather bluntly.

Roman shrugged. “Felt like it.”

“That’s… not an answer,” Emile responded.

“It’s really not, no. Well, I can’t tell you that, unfortunately. And really, you’re not going to arrest me, either.”

Remy scoffed. “And why is that?”

“Because that would be saying that the FBI, and Interpol, too, believe, on an institutional level, in magic. And then the press would have a field day.” Roman leaned back in his chair. “So you won’t.”

Emile snorted. “You’re quite adept, Monsieur Atlas.”

“And you too, Señor Dray. Are we speaking in our first languages now? Because I’m totally down for Spanish,” Roman said. “Anyways, if this is all that’s going to happen, can I just go now? These handcuffs are super uncomfortable.”

So, of course, in about an hour, the Horsemen were walking free on the streets of Las Vegas.

Remy was fuming on the steps of the FBI Agency when his former deskmate, Agent Stokes, walked up to him and handed him a phone.

“Stokes, what the hell is this for?”

“It’s on a call with Damien Bradley. He debunks magicians. And he knows exactly how the Horsemen robbed that bank.”

[shirtlesssammy]

10x02: Reichenbach

June 21st, 2003:

A boy wakes from sleep to hear a fight happening in his house. He finds his dad brutally murdered downstairs. As he cries over the body, we see a de-aged Dean Winchester walk in the room with a bloody knife. (Like, what a weird thing to spend money on, idk) 

Cut to (UGH) Cole (UGH) who was that boy. He’s telling his tale to a tied up Sam. He’s going to kill Dean. Sam tells him that “Dean isn’t Dean right now.” Cole is getting high off of thinking about his revenge so there’s no talking to him. Sam tells him that Dean had his reasons for killing his dad. There are monsters out there. 

(UGH) Cole (UGH) thinks he’s talking about human monsters (of which there are many) but Sam tells him REAL monsters. Cole keeps calling Sam the psycho but then puts on gloves and pulls out a hammer. UGH. 

Killdeer, North Dakota

Our Demon Dean Bean is enjoying the view (and touching without consent..smh). He throws money on the ground for the exotic dancer and she’s less than impressed and starts to walk away. He grabs her again and this time the bouncer stops him. Dean headbutts him and we’re suddenly watching (UGH) Cole (UGH) beat up Sam. I’m going to be honest, smart editing makes recapping hard. :D Cole continues to demand where Dean is. Dean continues to wale on the bouncer. Dudes at the bar are not stopping him --like, holy fuck, stop him, assholes! He stops himself, finishes his drink, and leaves. 

(UGH) Cole (UGH) continues to torture Sam, but he doesn’t realize that he’s dealing with Sam Fucking Winchester. That boy is a badass and he will NOT break. Cole’s just about to break Sam’s kneecap when his phone rings. It’s his wife so he answers and walks away, leaving his keys and a knife on the ground. 

Outside the strip club, Dean runs into Crowley. 

For Dear God Dunk Me Under That Running Water Science:

Cas is on the road with Hannah and his fake grace is failing him. She heals a wound of his and he thanks her but tells her she can go. She’s staying. She wants to help. That makes Cas laugh. It’s just so very human of her. (HANNAH) 

Cas gets a call from Sam. He has a lead on Dean and tells Cas to head to North Dakota. Sam then drops the bomb that Dean is a demon. 

Cas and Hannah head out to meet Sam. Hannah doesn’t see the point in helping the Winchesters. Cas sees otherwise. They’re his friends. (Blarf...this is season 10. One more season and he’ll be living in the bunker and he’ll be family and I just can’t take it.) Cas is not ok and starts to nod off while driving, and they crash. #RipPimpMobile

Dean and Crowley are at a bar. Crowley asks Dean how he’s doing, knowing full well that he’s not doing that great. He needs to kill. Crowley offers him a deal that he can’t refuse --kill for him.

Crowley has a list. First up: Mindy Morris. She cheated on her husband and then asked for a divorce. Lester, the husband, would rather sell his soul than give up his money. Mindy’s going to die. Dean agrees. 

Cas and Hannah have the car towed to a car repair shop. The extra nice mechanic invites them into her home. Hannah is not used to this human condition and it’s kinda cute. She also doesn’t get human humor. Also cute. Cas is so out of it, he doesn’t register the exchange. They head inside. Hannah heads to find food for Cas (wait, with his fading grace, does he need to eat?) and returns to the living room to find Cas zonked out on the couch. 

Dean stalks Mindy Morris’s house and just as he’s about to go in to do his job, he sees Lester pull up. He goes to have a chat with Lester. Pro tip: Not a great idea to be at the scene of the crime when the crime is happening. Dean tells Lester that he can’t really blame Mindy for stepping out. “She’s a North Dakota Eight. You’re a Four and a half max.” 

Wanna see a Hollywood Ten:

Also, Lester was already cheating on Mindy (UGH). Demon Dean maybe learned a thing between the no consent touching and this moment, because he ain’t buying the shit that Lester is selling. He punches him. Lester tells Dean that he works for him now and he needs to get in that house and do his job. Uh, demon or no, don’t tell Dean “Free Will” Winchester what to do; He’s going to do the opposite. Dean guts him with the First Blade. Oops. 

Sam’s at the Angelz Strip Club (LOLOLOLOLOLOL, Dean wishes it was one angel --I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. But also, wtf? Is it because he’s a demon, and irony?) He’s talking with the bouncer. They exchange war stories. Sam asks the bouncer to call him (or Lemmy Kilmister at least) if he sees Dean again. Meanwhile, (UGH) Cole (UGH) lurks and follows Sam as he drives away. 

The next morning, Cas wakes to Looney Tunes (god, I love this running theme through Andrew Dabb episodes) and a little girl who has the most fascinating dreams about snot and rockets. Epic. 

She offers Cas some of her cereal and he accepts. IT’S ADORABLE, PEOPLE. (A thousand Cas with small child fics were born, I’m sure.) The mechanic and Hannah watch and smile and all is right with the world. The mechanic tells Hannah their car is ready. And then she tells her that she’s got a great guy. (Lol, he’s already taken. Hannah learned that little factoid last season.) 

Meanwhile Crowley’s in hell (seewhatididthere) while a demon explains to him how to make Hell more efficient. Sam calls Crowley, but Interrupting!Dean (‘cause he’s a demon, I guess) strolls in very proud of himself for killing Lester. When Crowley chews him out for it, Dean shoves him to the ground with his little demon head-tilt. Crowley rather insightfully sums it up: Dean’s a li’l bit human and a li’l bit demon. 

Instead of cowering in fear, Dean’s supremely unimpressed by the King of Hell. He informs Crowley that they’re not “besties” and that he’ll come around when he needs someone new to kill. “It's over,” Crowley decrees. “What can I say? Crazy ones...well, they're good for a fling. But they're not relationship material.” It’s okay, Crowley. Breakups are hard!

In sunny angel-land, Hannah takes over driving for Cas who is looking awful. Listen, I don’t often fantasize about swaddling grown men and spoon feeding them soup but Cas! BBY! You look like hammered crap.

Crowley finds Moose and tells him where to find Squirrel. The Mark of Cain’s a PIA and he’d rather be shot of Dean altogether. 

Cas wakes up in the parked car to find Hannah gone. She went up to Heaven to speak to Metatron in jail. Careful! He’s a tricksy devil. She tries to interrogate Metatron for the whereabouts of the last remnants of Cas’s grace. Oh, sure! Coming right up.

Metatron says he’ll barter Cas’s grace for sweet freedom. Hannah’s about to bite when Cas arrives. 

Cas approaches angrily and tells Hannah not to do it. “I've made deals born of desperation, and they always end in blood and tears.”

Castiel doesn’t want to be saved like that. Hannah reluctantly agrees and walks off. Metatron leaves Cas with a parting shot: there’s just enough of his grace to save him. “Keep it,” Cas tells him. “I’ve made peace with my fate.” OKAY BUT we haven’t. Just so you know. 

Metatron decides to make a really compelling argument for freeing him. He’ll escape one day and then...kill everybody. How fun and well-adjusted. He taunts Castiel as he leaves: “Dead man walking!” 

On Earth, Dean pensively plays the piano?????????? Bored with piano practice, he pulls out the First Blade and slices his hand, then watches it heal up while Crowley’s advice to choose between the two natures echoes in his head. Sam approaches. (Aaaaand musical number time. Sing him a song, Dean!)

Dean picks up the blade and stalks over to the bar. Sam suggests a nice, civilized trip home to do the demon cure. For some reason, demon Dean isn’t into that plan. He confesses that he’d like to rip Sam’s throat out with his TEETH which is...certainly an image. 

Sam expresses his unending loyalty: it doesn’t matter what Dean might have done as a demon. He just wants him home. Dean laughs at him but his mirth gets interrupted by a smoke bomb going off. When Sam stumbles outside the bar, he’s met with (UGH) Cole (UGH). Cole knocks Sam “The Head Injury” Winchester out. 

Cole meets Dean at last, who roundly mocks him for not killing Sam already. Cole dramatically announces who he is to Dean. Dun dun DUN. He’s the son of a man you killed decades ago who has since grown into a completely different looking adult! I mean, come on, Dean. Work on your facial recognition here. Dean apologizes - all those dead people over the years have blurred together. 

Dean taunts Cole, telling him to shoot him already. (Side note: as much as I dislike demon Dean, he really plays up his eyes nicely in these scenes.) 

For Eye Crinkle Science:

They fight. Dean reminds me of a cat toying with a mouse. “What did you think was gonna happen, huh? You just stroll up here and say “my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die,” And I'd just roll over? Well, that's just… It makes me sad.”

(UGH) Cole (UGH) cuts Dean, who heals before his eyes. He demon-flashes him.

Dean starts beating Cole within an inch of his life but hesitates… Sam takes that opportunity to toss holy water onto Dean and slap on those warded cuffs. You got ‘im, Sammy! Good work. 

Later, Sam hands the first blade over to Crowley for safe keeping (and WOW about that, really). 

(UGH) Cole (UGH) apparently headed straight to the public library after his little prize fight and, still bloodied and barely standing, asks the librarian for every book she has on demons. Please, Cole, demon and witchcraft books always get stolen within the first month on the shelf. 

Back at the bar, Crowley enjoys his froofy drink and fondles the First Blade while thinking of his ex. And then we get a close-up of his phone. It’s a photo of Dean and Crowley wearing cowboy hats and being dorks together. Over the scene, the song “Lonely girl” plays. I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS. 

Sam drives Dean home to the bunker. Dean refers to Baby as “just a car” and we all die a little inside. Sam has hope, though. He chose not to kill Cole. Dean just smiles. He didn’t give (UGH) Cole (UGH) mercy...he handed him his destroyed pride on a platter. “That ain’t mercy. That’s the worst thing I coulda done to ‘im.” He then promises to visit more of his anti-mercy on Sam.

______________________________

Quote it Again, Sam:

Sam and Dean may be a bit rough around the edges but they’re the best men I’ve ever known. 

I understand the three beans, but what’s the surprise?

What is this, a lifetime movie?

______________________________

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