#matthias x jesper

[sissytobitch10seconds]

My Little Beast

Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows Summary: It is an inevitability, when sharing a life with another being, that there will come a time that they are lost. Matthias thought that he was prepared for it. Warnings: Animal death, grief, pet death, and mentions of canon-typical injuries Word Count: 4,973 Ship(s): Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik/Wylan Van Eck/Jesper Fahey/Inej Ghafa/Kaz Brekker

Archive link!

A/N: We've reached the end of the series! I hope that you guys have enjoyed reading these as much as I've enjoyed writing them. I'm going to be honest, I saved this one for last because I wanted these all to have a vague timeline even though they can be read individually, but it ended up being me saving the best for last. This one almost made me cry and I never cry at fanfics. Be warned about that while you read, lol. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Every morning for the last ten years, Matthias had gotten up and then immediately gotten Axel ready for his morning run. It was one of the perks of living in the richer district of the city that they had found themselves in. Matthias was able to take his dog for an actual run the same way that he had when he had Trassel and all of the Druskelle training grounds at his disposal. He had always loved mornings, but having a furry companion that he could share them with made him all the fonder of them.

He untangled himself from the mess of limbs that Nina and Jepser had formed around him, Nina on his left and Jesper on his right. He shed his sleeping clothes into the laundry shoot that was next to the bathroom in their master bedroom. He then dressed in a baggy ruby red shirt, one that Nina had gotten him for his birthday a few months ago, and a comfortable pair of pants. He had just finished tugging his boots onto his feet by the time that his dog jumped off of the bed to join him. 

“Hey puppy,” he said as he brushed his head over the top of his dog’s head. Axel had the softest ears of almost any dog that Matthias had every encountered before, but they still had the coarseness that came with wolf fur. “Are you ready to go on our run?”

He got a gentle boof and a lick over his cheek in reply. He chuckled as he stood up and walked with Axel trotting happily beside him while they made their way down the grand halls of the estate and into the open air of the grounds that the mansion resided on. Matthias stretched out his limbs and chuckled when he saw that Axel was mimicking him in the same way that he had done since he was a puppy, all those years ago. They were both getting older and beginning to wear down, but it didn’t stop them from spending time with each other like they always did.

The bitter summer morning made Matthias’ shoulder ache where the bullet had almost taken his life shortly after the first heist he had ever gone on with his spouses. So much of his life had changed since he had fallen in love with a woman that was supposed to be his mortal enemy and then landed himself in the most intense prison in all of Kerch. He loved the life that he had now and he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Once they were finished stretching, they began a light pace down the path towards the pond that they always lapped. In the early spring and late fall, it would be lousy with ducks and geese as they migrated across the ocean to the warmer parts of the world for the winter and then did the reverse. Axel had always loved chasing after waterfowl because of his dog half, though he didn’t have the soft mouth that retrievers did and often ended up shredding anything that he managed to catch, not that it happened often.

Matthias stared ahead at the rows of flowers and neatly trimmed grass that were attached to the grounds of their estate. Wylan and Marya had been changing up a lot of the aesthetics of the place now that they were no longer struggling to maintain the image that remained after they had taken Jan down. He liked being able to see his husband interact with his mother in the way that he was, though it made Matthias miss his family dearly.

He felt pity for the boys that had become his brothers when he was a Druskelle, but he didn’t miss them. The family that he missed was the mother and sister that he had lost when the Grisha had attacked his home. He wondered what they would think of him now that he was married to not one but five people, and none of them were non-criminals, let alone Fjerdan. He liked to hope that his mother would be happy for him when he showed her that what he was doing brought him joy and that he had grown. He knew that his sister would tease him but wouldn’t really care as long as she got her way. She was the baby of the family through and through, a thought that made his heart ache for her.

He paused when he realized that Axel was no longer keeping pace with him the way that he had before. Matthias turned and jogged slowly back to the place in the path that he had been before. “What’s going on with you, pup?” he asked as he knelt down in front of his dog.

Axel’s fur had always been lighter than the standard wolf but darker than the specialized breed that the Druskelle had used for witch hunting. He had recently developed patches of white around his eyes, muzzle, and on his chest. It was a sign of his age more than the way that he walked when storms came in and his hips were bothering him. He was still full of puppy-like fun and energy even if he was beginning to spend more time napping on their bed than doing anything else.

Matthias wove his fingers into the course fur on either side of his dog’s head and then pressed their foreheads together. It wasn’t going to be able to tell him anything, but it was the kind of connection that made them both feel better when they were upset about something, so he was trying it out now.

He had been in denial about it for a while, but he could tell that the end was coming. He had always known that it was, from the moment that a squirming bundle of puppy had been placed into his arms after visiting a reputable breeder just south of the Fjerdan border in Tsibeya. It was an inevitability that no being, not even the Grisha that were able to prolong their lives with their gifts from Djel, was able to avoid. He hadn’t wanted it to happen for a while longer, though. 

He had seen the signs coming before they had begun to really take a toll on his companion. Axel had been slowing down significantly over the last couple of years. He was running out of energy and wanted to sleep closer to the fire or their bodies so that the heat would soothe his aches. That meant that he got pets on the head more often and got to accompany Kaz down to his office on the base floor level because that was where the biggest fireplace was, and one that was almost always going. He walked like his hips were hurting him and came to Matthias to be held more often in the night. He was becoming pickier with his food as his teeth were no doubt hurting him after years and years of eating raw meat and bones. It took them three times to get him to hear what was going on and sometimes he would just stand without reacting whatsoever.

He wouldn’t have known what was coming unless he had grown up with dogs, which he had. They were his father’s hunting dogs, which was fairly typical in Fjerda because of the kind of hunting that they had to do to keep themselves fed. They had bred them until they had lost his father’s favorite bitch, which was when the adults had decided that it was more pain than it was worth. Matthias hadn’t understood the concept of death when their hounds would age and then pass away, especially since his parents had refused to explain it to him. 

Then he had lost his entire family, his village, because everything that he had held dear had gone up in flames. Back then he had been too busy thinking about how dearly he wanted to tease his sister or be held in his mother’s arms to realize that all of the dogs had died and he just hadn’t been told about it. He hadn’t had the chance to look for those signs in Trassel because the young wolf had only been about four by the time that they were separated.

He was able to look for them in Axel, which he was almost grateful for. His dog had lived a good, long life with the best of food and care that any animal could have hoped for. He had never had to face the threat of large wild animals that were threatening to scoop out his bowels with claws that he never had any hope of properly facing. He never had to stand in front of a Grisha that was manipulating the elements in a way that some humans didn’t even understand. He had never had to know the pain of losing the human that he had become so attached to. He had never had to watch Matthias bleed out in the snow, or become a person that he wasn’t. He had never had to be released out into the wilderness with no hope of ever finding a new family.

Yet, Matthias still wasn’t ready to let him go. He kew that Axel was dying and it made his heart ache desperately in his chest at just the thought of it. It brought back a darkness that he hadn’t known in a long time, something that he thought he had learned to walk and live with. The weight of it was now dragging at the bottoms of his feet and his knees where they were touching the ground.

He let out a small sigh as he pushed the feelings back down for another time. He kept his forehead pressed to Axel’s for a while longer before he turned around and brought him back towards the house. He could go out for his jog on his own, so that his dog could have a chance to sneak treats from Nina and rest with Kaz in front of their favorite fire. If Axel was lucky, then Wylan would also take a nap with him once he had finished with his work.

---

He woke late into the night. He could hear the bells clanging twice, a sound that was so similar and yet so different to the Elder Clock back in the Ice Court where he had trained for years. He knew that he was thinking about where he had come from and all of the progress that he had made because he was staring death in the face as he had so many times before, yet he was unable to keep the thoughts from clouding over the front of his mind.

He was sleeping in the grand master bed that he had been in the night before, though all of his partners had joined him that time. It made it even more difficult than it had been when he had woken up that morning to crawl out of bed. He had to carefully move Wylan into Jesper’s arms so that the two were tucked together as if they belonged there, which they always looked like when they were cuddling. Inej was draped lazily over Nina like she did when the two of them were available to each other. Kaz was sleeping like a log and yet would be the most likely person to wake up when Matthias was leaving.

Axel hadn’t come with them to bed that night. Matthias remembered when they had first brought the puppy home from Ravka and introduced him to their partners. Nina had reassured them all that they would train him quickly since they both had some experience with that. They had also said that they weren’t going to be letting him sleep on the bed, but that had changed after the first night when Kaz had heard the puppy crying out for comfort when they had all retired to bed.

They had ended up training him very quickly. He had become potty trained after three accidents inside of the house. Afterwards they had moved on to teaching him how to walk alongside them so that he wouldn’t get lost when they went out running, how to sit, how to fetch, and how to attack. They had never had to use the last one because no one was ever stupid enough to come after them when they were already the most dangerous people in the Barrel without their wolf dog.

Matthias wasn’t sure how much longer they were going to have him, though. He had awoken with a feeling sinking low in his stomach, the same one that he had gotten hours before the Grisha had attacked his village and he had lost everything that he had ever known.

So he slipped from the bed that he was happily sharing with his partners. He grabbed the thick housecoat that was hanging by the door after almost grabbing Jesper’s, which was the same length as his own but a lot thinner to fit the crane-like man. He wrapped the thick material over his body and then walked down the long hallways in the dark. His hands, calloused from years of handling a rifle and sparring to keep himself in shape, trailed over the wainscotting on the walls.

He traversed the stairs without bothering to light even one of their mobile oil lights so that he could see where he was going. The halls and staircase were as dark as the cells that he had been kept in before he had gotten to perform in the Hellshow for extra privileges. There were no windows in the part of the house that he was in so there was no chance for the silvery moonlight to stream down onto the dark wood flooring.

Eventually, he ended up in front of the door that led into Kaz’s office. The papers that he kept for the crimes that the Dregs still committed were safely back at the Crow Club so that if the stadwatch decided that they wanted to come snooping through the estate, they would have nothing to try and press Kaz with. Matthias reached out and grasped the handle for a moment before he pushed the door open. The room was bathed in a soft auburn glow from the remnants of the coals still smoking away. They had left the fire in the room alone since they knew that it wouldn’t catch the house ablaze given the size of the hearth in front of it and no extra fuel.

Kaz’s office was one of the plainer rooms in the house. They had been redoing a lot of the wallpaper and decorations recently, but Kaz had stripped down his office almost as soon as he had decided that the room was going to be his. The walls were bare white plaster and the floorboards were the same as the rest of the house. There was a large black colored desk in front of the window so that the natural light would come in while Kaz was working. Across the way, in front of the fire, there was a massive rug that was pinned under two chairs and a couch for when the partners came to have tea with their husband.

Laying on the very edge of the rug closest to the fire was Axel. His eyes were shut and his head was flopped to the side so that one of his massive ears, the one that had flopped over and stood up at different intervals all the way through his life, was covering one of his eyes. His feet were point out towards the fire and twitching slightly as he dreamed of running.

When he heard the door swing shut behind his master, he sat up with slow movements. He was tired, very obviously. It wasn’t as much the usual sleepy that he carried with him after he woke up from a nap, but the tired that came with old age. Matthias had seen it in some of the Mercher men that Wylan had to invite to their home. It broke his heart to think about his beloved pup hurting in the same way that those men had, even though they both had the comforts that the elderly in his village back in Fjerda hadn’t. 

Matthias walked over to the fire and sat down beside it. He grabbed a couple of the logs from where they were stacked next to the hearth and then threw them over the flickering kindling. They caught after a few minutes of dimmed light and the room grew immensely warmer.

“Come here, Axel,” the whispered as he folded his legs underneath him like Inej did whenever she was sitting anywhere. His wife was always contorting her body into any shape that she could manage, he found it as admirable as he did fascinating. Once there was a space, he picked up the dog’s large head and then placed it delicately into his lap. He began to trace his hands over the fur on the side of his companion’s face as well as the top of his head. He would pause every now and again so that he could run Axel’s ears between his fingers and massage them comfortingly. 

The dog let out a low sigh and leaned heavily into the touch. His body was warm but it was obvious that he was hurting. He had barely touched his dinner that night despite Matthias giving him the best steak that they had in their stores. He had cut it up extra small so that the wolf wouldn’t have to bite chunks off of it the way he had before they had realized his teeth were hurting. Yet, he still didn’t eat.

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting alone with his pup in the near-dark before the voice of the man who owned the office asked, “Matthias?”

Matthias turned his head slowly to look back at his husband. He motioned for the other man to come over without taking his hands from the dog’s fur. Kaz slowly limped over to them and then sat down about a foot away from his husband. Matthias didn’t think that it was offensive or that it was even about him, he knew that Kaz had had a nightmare the day before and would need to work slowly back up to touching them again. “What are the two of you doing down here at this time of night?” he asked, his voice rasping in his throat.

“I think that his time is coming soon,” Matthias replied. It wasn’t very specific and he didn’t want to go into it because he wasn’t sure that he would be able to resist the urge to cry that had been brimming just below the surface if he actually said anything out loud. It would make everything feel too real.

“I see,” Kaz replied softly. “Would you like me to get the others?”

He already had the head of his cane grasped in his hand as he prepared to push off so that he could locate the rest of their partners. Matthias only had to think about it for a second before he gave a single, firm nod. It was for the best if Axel was surrounded by his family and the people that had helped raise him since he was puppy when he went. Very few of their other loved ones had gotten the chance for that to happen, and though Axel was a dog and not a human, Matthias thought that he deserved it.

He listened to the sound of the fire crackling and his dog’s slow breathing when the clacking of the cane against their hardwood floors got further and further away. It returned only ten minutes later, accompanied by a large amount of shuffling from the sleepy spouses that Kaz had gone to collect. They all piled into the room as soon as they reached the doorway, half-awake and a little confused but eager to help comfort their husband.

Inej and Wylan sat on the couch together with her head pillowed on his shoulder as she struggled to stay awake. She was always sleepier when she was at home than when she was anywhere else, likely because the estate and their clubs were the only places that she ever felt truly safe. Kaz sat down next to them on the couch, but far enough away that his body wasn’t touching either of them. Jesper situated himself down beside Matthias so that their legs were pressed flush together and then looped one of his lanky hands around his husband’s arm. Nina carefully sat down on the other side of Matthias with her hand also weaving into Axel’s fur. He had almost forgotten that he was also technically her dog, because she had been there and had helped Matthias pick him out.

“He’s old,” she whispered. “That was more than almost everyone I knew in Ravka got.”

“I know,” Matthias bowed his head in reply. It had been a long time since he had felt the immense, overwhelming guilt that came with recalling his past as a Grisha hunter. He had done a lot of work with both the Ravkan government and the Grisha Triumvirate to help them be able to fight properly back against his own people without them toppling his home country’s government, but it had only done so much. His head and his heart hurt so much that it felt like it was overflowing out of him before he could do anything to stop it.

“He’s had a good life,” Kaz rasped from his place on the couch. “Even if he doesn’t go tonight, it’ll prove that we love him to stay with him while he sleeps.”

“It’s going to happen tonight, I know it,” Matthias replied with a small shake of his head. He had never really laid out his ability to tell when things felt off or wrong to them, but they had picked up on it after almost five years of being married to him.

Jesper cuddled closer to Matthias. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the softest part of Axel’s muzzle as he whispered a couple of words that Matthias didn’t know in Zemini. 

On his other side, Nina was still weaving one of her hands through the long fur on the back of Axel’s neck. It was easier to turn his attention to her as she began to do something that he didn’t quite understand. She was keeping a small pile of the fur that shed from his coat in her lap every time she pulled her hand through it.

Inej rose from the couch when the four bells rang out to signify that they had been there for an hour. She ran her hands over the dog’s long snout and then pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. He woke up after sensing that there was someone new petting him and licked at her, though it was lackluster and tired compared to what he had used to do. “The Saints will help you cross, my good boy. You have done so well for us in the past. Remember that I always love you, and I will find you when my time has come.”

She kissed Matthias, Jesper and Nina too, before she had to get up so that she could go to work. If their pup was really going to die soon, then she had already said her goodbye. She didn’t have to face more death than she already had, especially when she had important work to do to prevent others from the fate she had to endure.

Wylan moved so that he was sitting on the other side of Nina and had given Kaz more space on the couch. “We’re here for you, Matthias, whatever you need,” he reassured gently. Out of all of his partners, the Fjerdan had always assumed that Wylan would be the most broken up about their dog leaving to the other side. He had refused to acknowledge the hurt and pain that he already carried when it came to losing his unwavering companion.

“I do not know why he has not already gone,” Matthias shook his head. “It is obvious that he is tired and it is his time. I know it.”

Nina leaned her head onto his shoulder and wove her free hand, the one that wasn’t collecting fur form Axel’s coat, around his arm like Jesper had. It was a reaffirming and grounding weight, one that he really needed. “Maybe he’s staying for you.”

“What?”

Jesper spoke next, “Some people, and animals I assume, have to be told that it’s okay for them to go. I know that my ma would have died a lot sooner if I hadn’t been there asking her to come home with us. They try to keep going because they know that we need them.”

Brokenly, Matthias turned his gaze from his husband down to his dog. He took Axel’s white-echoed face into his hands and then leaned down so that he could press their foreheads together like he had done so many times before. Tears brimmed on his eyelashes before they overflowed down his face and into the soft fur he had been petting for hours. He spoke in Fjerdan, softly and sweetly to the only being he had ever loved as much as his own family. “You can go, my sweet wolf. May you always run with the pack in the sky, free to let the wind rip through your fur and feel the blood of the evil spirits between your teeth. I will always love you, but I will learn to live without you.”

They were the hardest words that he had ever had to say. It was harder than lying to Brum back when he thought that the man was still a good person. It was harder than agreeing to Kaz when he thought that he was above depravity and crime. It was harder than anything he had ever done before, and yet they were the words that needed to be spoken.

Jesper and Nina had apparently been right. Axel lifted his tired head and licked twice at Matthias’ cheek before he laid down in his master’s lap and took his last breath. Just like that, he was gone and Matthias felt as though a hole had been ripped open in his chest.

---

They buried Axel underneath the shade of his favorite tree while wrapped in one of the bright white sheets they were never going to use for their bed. Nina had held Matthias’ hand the entire time that Jesper and Wylan dug the whole for the body. Inej was able to come back just as they were covering the body so that she could say a few Suli prayers for their beloved companion now that he had passed.

For the rest of the week, Matthias moved about while coming in and out of a fugue state. He would start his mornings by wandering aimlessly on the track that he used to run with his beloved companion. At times he would forget that Axel was gone, but then it would all come crashing back down on him and he would be reduced to tears. 

The others were struggling as well, but none of the had been as close to Axel as Matthias was. They were there for their husband so that they could reassure him that it was going to be okay and help him along his journey of relearning how to live his life without his dog. Wylan often helped distract him by playing music with him or teaching him about certain strange Kerch laws. Kaz helped him by sparring verbally with him, which almost inevitably led to them messing around in the bedroom long enough that Matthias’ tired mind could have a break. Inej had spent her last two days holding him when he cried, which Nina and Jesper took over when she couldn’t help any longer.

He was sitting on the floor in front of their main living room’s hearth while staring at the bed that Axel had slept in just a week prior. He knew that it was Nina who had come to the doorway when she did her signature two-knuckle wrap on the frame, “Matthias, I made something for you.”

“Hmm?” he asked as he turned towards her. His cheeks were red with tears and his eyes ached from crying.

She knelt down beside him and opened her hand to reveal a felted piece of fur that had been woven into the shape of a little dog. “I know that it’s not him, but this way you can always carry a piece of him with you. He’ll be able to find you to help protect you from the evil spirits that try to hurt you.”

Suddenly he understood why she had been collecting the fur before Axel had passed. It was something that the Druskelle did when they lost their companions, so that they would always remember the kinship that they had shared with their wolves. Matthias hadn’t gotten the chance with Trassel, but Axel had been his second chance for just about everything.

“Thank you, Nina,” he whispered as he took the charm. The tears were falling again, but the ache was less. He knew that the spirit of his beloved companion would be by his side as he lived the rest of his life, and he would learn how to navigate the new waters that he had found himself in with the help of his partners. All may not have been right in the world now, but eventually it would be.

[mcntsee]

me when I reach the angst part of the angsty fic that I specifically chose for the angst

[james-farrow-did-nothing-wrong]

Leigh Bardugo said today at an event that all the diverse characters she portrays come naturally at her because the world is diverse. She's not looking for a black character, a disabled one nor a queer one, they are just part of the world so they are part of the worlds she creates. She also said that what is not normal is having a story full of white hetero and abled people, reality is diverse and so are her stories.

When she was explaining this she had to stop a few times because the auditorium kept cheering at her. Hope she felt all the love the audience was trying to show.

[ravenyenn19]

Kaz: Alright, so now that the plan is in motion, let’s move.

The other Crows, having no idea what plan is in motion nor where Kaz has been the last 24 full hours:

(under his breath)

kaz: no. no, you may not.

[shaykappa]

Repeat after me: All six of the crows meet up regularly and grow old together. All six of the crows meet up regularly and grow old together. All six of the crows-

[jkriordanverse]

Jan Van Eck when the Crows ruined his plan be like:

[moonstruck-poet]

The Confrontation

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x reader!

Summary - three times where the Crows find you two in suspicious situations leading them to conspire and the fourth time when they learn the truth.

Warnings - Assault, Harrassment

1. Nina

"You ready?" Nina Zenik questioned, quickly giving the surroundings a scan before pinning her eyes on you. "The minute Kaz joins us, you have to leave".

You exhaled and nodded, trying your best not to wince at the obnoxiously tight corset and trying to breathe properly. "Was this the only available option?"

"Thr most suitable option," she corrected and smirked after looking at you.

"Stop checking me out when I'm literally struggling to breathe, Zenik. Remind me why is it not you instead of me? Saints know you're better at this," you grumbled and shivered as the cold hair brushed against your off shoulder gown.

"Because unfortunately I'm the Heartrender here, aren't I?" She grinned and you glared, understanding that this was quite amusing. "Ah! There's your ticket," she nodded towards Kaz who was stumbling his way towards you, slightly out of breath.

"Here it goes," you sighed, smoothing your outfit. Somehow this simply seemed a much difficult job that gutting someone in the right place. Using a knife was just easier.

Kaz, now much closer gave you a nod, his eyes glinting as he gripped his cane tightly and you understood. You merely smiled softly before shooting Nina a wink and entered the club, your eyes immediately narrowing down on the target.

Your brain was replaying all of the tricks that your dear friend had so graciously shown. You weren't dumb of course, you knew the basics but she had a degree in flirting.

And so you braced yourself and appeared in front of the man, trying to hide a cringe when his gaze instantly swept over your physique shamelessly. A small flame of anger burned internally and you would be sure to use your favorite dagger very soon.

Meanwhile Kaz and Nina were sneakily observing from the window while also keeping an eye on the environment.

"She seems to be getting the required information," Nina exclaimed but her smile soon fell upon seeing the scene. "Oh Saints no," she whispered and Kaz, who had his back to the window whipped around.

His dark, dangerous stare found you with ease and his body tensed at your uncomfortable face that you were trying so desperately to hide.

He saw the way that man pulled you closer with every passing second until you were pressed flat against him, his foul breath staining your bare shoulders as your body shook with contained fury.

His fingers skimmed your skin while his lips brushed against your cheek and all Kaz wanted to do in that moment was to stride inside and take you out of his grasp.

But he was still talking, his lips moved and so did yours. You were still trying to wrangle every little piece of information you could possibly get while also trying to keep yourself safe.

"Kaz," Nina said urgently upon seeing the malicious smile on the stranger's face. "That's enough she needs to come out".

"I can't do anything," he said bitterly. "It'll just give out our position and put everybody in danger and I cannot have that," he finished, hating every part of himself.

"I like you, sweetheart," your target whispered, his face inches away. His breath fanning you, reeking of alcohol. "I wish to see you again. Please?" He asked, his voice manipulative and he dragged his lips from your shoulder to your neck.

"Of course," you murmured back, your tone deadly which he didn't seem to notice. "You'll see me soon. Very soon indeed".

"Perfect," he grinned against your cheek before kissing the skin and you stepped back with a smile, not breaking eye contact until you exited the door.

And immediately your flirty facade shattered and your were consumed by a dark energy as you rounded the corner, your pace increasing with every step.

"Oh Saints," Nina said as soon as you reached the meeting spot. "Are you alright?"

"Of course I am," you teased, a wicked smile but Kaz wasn't fooled, not at all.

He looked at you, trying to pick up every noticeable change and he sae many. The twitch of your eyebrow, the small frown appearing on your lips which was quickly replaced with a grin and the slight shudder of your shoulders.

He didn't think of anything at all as he removed his coat. "Here," he offered, his dark brown eyes burning into yours.

"It's okay, Kaz, I'm alright-"

"-Take it," he said firmly and when you didn't move, he put it over your shoulders and you almost sighed at the warmth. His touch was so gentle, so secure, a constrast to the emotions plaguing you moments before. "Are you okay?" He asked again.

"I want to go home," was all you could reply as you looked longingly at him, hoping that your eyes were enough to convey all of your feelings. "Please".

Kaz nodded, looking down as pain struck his chest. He could handle numerous difficult situations, but when it concerned you, he was always vulnerable.

"I'm sorry," he said lowly, his voice barely heard as he scanned your face, having an intense urge to place his palm on your cheek but the mere thought made him flinch. However he remained rooted to the spot, not backing away because he knew that you needed him at the present, and he wasn't leaving you.

Someone cleared her throat and that was what made him pull away.

"Extremely sorry but we have to move," she said softly and he nodded, his jaw clenching as he gave you one last, tender look before walking away.

The two of you followed and you clutched the coat around you tightly, a small smile threatening to break out on your face as you replayed the interaction with your dearest.

Meanwhile the Grisha was observing her friends quite eagerly, her eyes switching from one to the other. She had her suspicions from the minute she saw Kaz's panic-stricken face, and then the said person lending his coat confirmed it.

She saw his face contorting in sadness upon seeing your highly uneasy figure back at the club, saw the way his fingers fidgeted constantly because he felt helpless. In conclusion, she saw him lose control.

Kaz Brekker never lost control.

She should feel guilty for using her abilities on her boss, but how could she not? When a particular heart was thudding unbelievably as soon as his eyes fell onto someone else's. The beating had only seemed to intensify when he had put his coat around your shoulders.

The trip to the Crow Club was spent in silence. Everyone's mind being occupied by very different thoughts.

"There you are!" Jesper's cheery voice snapped them from their daydream. He slowly jogged over to you, excitement evident on his features. "Want to play a round of cards?"

All you gave him was a small, forced smile. He just looked so happy and you didn't want to be that person, "Let's go then".

"You don't have to," Kaz suddenly spoke making everyone stare in surprise.

"It's fine," you replied but he still gave you that look. The one where his eyes were just a tiny bit wide, eyebrows slightly raised to wordlessly ask if you were sure.

You nodded offering him a twitch of your lips before joining Jesper, Wylan and Inej at the table, helping yourself to some bread.

Nina had of course watched this soundless interaction quite seriously, and now she had some very interesting points that would definitely be shared with the other Crows; minus you two obviously.

"Now this seems fun," she said to herself, smirking at the way Dirtyhands had his eyes glued to you the entire time.

===============================

2. Wylan & Matthias

Having a lazy day at the barrel was something that happened once in a blue moon, because Mr Brekker made sure to always keep everyone on their toes. Today was one of those rarest days that the Crows actually had no job and so naturally they were lazing around in the club.

Jesper and Nina were gossiping, holding a small muffin in their hands as they whispered amongst themselves, probably sharing the headlines of all that had happened in the Barrel.

"You're sure? Our Kaz? Kaz Brekker losing control like that?" Jesper asked, double checking to make sure they were talking about the same person.

"Yes Jesper!" Nina sighed. "His heartbeat seemed to skyrocket the minute his eyes fell on her. I wss actually worried that he might have a cardiac arrest or something.

"Djel help me," Matthias muttered. "She's too good for him to ever say yes".

"Oh come on," Nina insisted, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "They're made for each other!"

"I don't know about that but they do make quite a pair," Inej added, her face screwed up in concentration.

"There's definitely something going on," Wylan whispered, putting on his scheming face as he analysed his thoughts.

Meanwhile Nina was now feeding another round of conversation to her gossip partner who was enjoying it very much indeed.

"No way he went over to the Dime Lions!" Jesper exclaimed mid-bite, his mouth opening as he registered the statement.

"He did indeed Jes," you walked down the stairs interrupting their conversation. "Rumour had it that he was paid handsomely as well".

"Of course he was," the gunslinger snorted before shaking his head.

"Where were you?" Nina asked, her eyebrow raised in question and all four heads turned to hear your answer.

"Kaz's office," you said and sat down on one of the couch, not noticing the small smirks painted on everybody's faces.

"What's he doing in there anyway?" Inej asked, having sharpened her knives and taking yours making you shoot her a highly grateful look.

But before you could reply, the said person called from from above, "Love! Have you seen that Kerch document that I had shown you? Where did you keep it?"

Silence. Complete and utter silence followed his statement as the Crows glanced at each other, their expressions the epitome of flabbergasted.

"Check in your bottom right drawer!" You shouted unaware, standing right below the floor so your voice could be heard better. "I've kept it along with other related files".

The minute you went back to your previous seat, you felt eyes staring at every inch of your face making you suddenly look up. "What the hell?" You asked, being startled at seeing every gaze pinned towards you.

"Did he just-" Jesper began but Wylan elbowed him harshly.

"Nothing," he answered sweetly, ignoring the sharp glare thrown his way. "How about we go visit the marketplace? You said you'd show me some firing powders".

"Yeah let's go," you nodded, putting your gun in the holster and donning a black leather jacket over your shirt. "Anybody need anything? I'm not going to get you fruit loops, Jesper," you narrowed your eyes before the boy could even utter a word.

"But you told me that-"

"But you also happened to have eaten three packets yesterday. So no. Absolutely not".

Inej and Nina snickered at the banter which was surely an everyday occurence. Jesper always being the hopeless little kid and you unintentionally acting like his older sister.

The said boy was looking at you with wide eyes and a small pout and you groaned in exasperation. "Fine! I'll get you some stop looking at me like that!"

"I love you so much," he grinned and shot a wink your way.

"Whom do you love?" Kaz Brekker asked, walking down the stairs and towards him with a raised eyebrow. Everybody fell silent at his impeccable timing to arive during the most unwelcoming moments.

"Her of course!" Nina butted in, pointing towards you before Jesper could reply and Matthiss noticed the way the Demjin's face contorted and tightened.

Kaz shot the Zemeni a small glare, not knowing himself that he was actually doing it before turning to look at you and all of the other crows saw the way his gaze softened considerably.

"Should we leave then?" Wylan broke the silence and tugged at your sleeve and your attention snapped to him.

"Yes yes let's leave," you followed him, almost at the door when Kaz called your name and you halted. "What's wrong? You need anything?" You questioned softly as he walked closer.

"You forgot this," he merely said and handed you a necklace that you had forgotten on his desk. It was only Wylan who actually saw the pendant and his mouth hung open.

You took it from his hands, fingers gently brushing against his gloved ones and he instantly felt a small amount of warmth seep into his very soul.

You lit a spark with only your touch.

You ignited him.

"Thank you," you smiled and quickly clasped it around your neck, tucking it inside your shirt so it would be hidden from privy eyes. "See you later, yeah?"

He nodded, hands tightening on his cane as he watched you leave. He never got round to telling you that he had wanted to spend this day with you and you only. But unfortunately you had plans and so he remained silent. Not wanting to be a hindrance.

He couldn't even remember the last time he had spent some quality time with you. Being too busy finding new deals and searching for missions that he couldn't properly acknowledge the best thing in his life.

When did he last take you out somewhere except for sneaking around to gather valuable information? You loved having hot chocolate late at night, when had he ever bought it for you despite knowing that the drink was your favorite?

You deserved so much better, his mind kept telling him. He couldn't even bring himself to give you the comforting touches that he knew you longed for. You never said a word but he saw it in your eyes. Whenever a plan had gone too complicated and particularly difficult, all you needed was a good embrace. But he could only ever bring himself to hold your hand. Nothing more.

And he hated himself for it. Despised every inch of his self because of his inability to provide for you. It killed him inside.

You were lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. And he was twisted, crooked, wrong but not so broken that he couldn't pull himself together into some semblance of a man for you.

He was so lost in his thoughts that his sharp instincts failed to notice the stares that were currently burning holes in his face. "What?" He snapped and was on his way back to his bedroom when they stopped him.

"Goodness Kaz you actually look sad," Nina concluded, fighting the smirk that was quick to spread on her face.

"I have no reason to be upset," he rolled his eyes and started climbing the stairs slowly, his leg throbbing with slight pain.

"Wylan's right," Matthias said lowly. "The demjin is infatuated".

Wylan on the other hand was busy geeking over the chemicals that were presented in front of him. "How did I never know about this!" He said in delight and you chucklef at the way his eyes lighted up. "These are so much cheaper too".

"Get whatever you want," you squeezed his shoulder and he nearly jumped in excitement. "I'll just quickly go and get something from that shop, yeah?"

He nodded and you crossed the street to enter the clothing shop, smiling to yourself upon seeing beautiful coats lining the walls.

"Can I see some black shirts and vests, please?" You requested the man who nodded and placed numerous boxes on the table. "I'll take these three," you smiled, selecting two dark grey shirts and a gorgeous black vest that you knew would suit your man well.

"Oh hey! Didn't see you coming in".

Wylan simply laughed and examined the clothes that were being folded neatly and transferred in a bag. "For you?"

"Oh no," you shook your head and paid the kruge, it was a little expensive but it's fine. You could give him a gift every now and then. "It's for Kaz".

His eyes widened in surprise just a tiny bit and his lips stretched wide as the two of you exited the store. But then he suddenly grabbed your hand and pulled you towards an artefacts shop.

"How would this look on Jesper?" He said and pointed at a hat which was exactly what the gunslinger preferred.

"Absolutely perfect".

"Hey take a look at this," he directed your attention towards a few bracelets kept neatly in a box, making sure to keep his trained on you to pick up on every little change.

Your hand instinctively flew towards a handmade one woven with black thread. It was quite simple but had an intricate design. You loved it immediately and wasted no time in purchasing the little present.

"Let's go?" You asked, almost forgetting for a moment that you weren't alone. While the boy had his arms crossed and a knowing smile on his face as he followed your lead. Having an intense conversation with himself in his head.

It was almost night when you entered the Slat again and two of the Crows were lounging in the basement itself with the exception of Inej and Nina.

"I'll be back in a few," you whispered to Matthias who nodded and you climbed up thr stairs, eagerly wanting to give Kaz the gifts you had brought.

He waited until the sound of a door closing was heard before looking at Wylan who had a cheeky grin on his face.

===============================

3. Inej & Jesper

"Look at his hand!" Matthias whispered under his breath and nudged Wylan whose eyes shot towards Kaz Brekker. And indeed, a black bracelet was clasped onto his left wrist. Not that noticeable but nowadays nothing could ever escape their sharp stare.

"I've never ever seen him wear anything synonymous to jewellery," Matthias muttered and passed the message to Nina who perked up with a bright grin, as though struck by an inspiration.

"Watch me," was all she said and the the two boys glanced ahead in apprehension as she neared your location and bumped into you quite harshly.

"Saints!" A small shout escaped your lips as you were thrown backwards onto Kaz who was right behind you.

"Goodness I'm so sorry," Nina immediately apologised, not being sorry in the least as she rather scanned the couple's reaction.

Your back was pressed against Kaz's chest while his gloved hand, the one wearing a bracelet was wrapped securely around your waist, holding you against him. You placed your palm on top of his in reassurance, and your heart started taking up its pace.

"You okay?" He murmured in your ear and helped you stand up straight as you nodded; and he shot a deathly glare towards the heartrender, who gave a grin and sashayed her way back to the boys.

"I'm fine, thank you for that," you whispered before returning to the documents that were scattered on the table.

"You saw that?" She joined the duo with an excited expression, her hands flapping in front of her. "He didn't even flinch at her touch! It was almost like-"

"Like he's used to it!" Wylan completed her sentence and she nodded enthusiastically.

"Usually he'll push the person off for even invading his personal space, much less someone actually falling on him," Matthias added and she agreed.

"Ghezen this is going much better than I expected. Fifty kruge that they're already together since the past few months".

"Oh yeah?" Jesper interrupted the conversation with the biggest smirk on his face as he sat down, joined by Inej who was shaking her head with a smile. "Hundred kruge says that they've been married already".

"You do know that you're horrible at betting, don't you?" Matthias asked, raising an eyebrow at the large sum.

"But I think Jes is right on this one," Inej supported him making the said person's grin widen if that was even possible.

"What's making you so sure?" Wylan asked, quite suspiciously.

"Let me ah- tell you a little something I saw," his brown eyes glinted as he recounted the miracle that he and Inej had seen.

Jesper was walking on his usual route that led him back to the Crow Club with the Wraith beside him. They had both finished their parts of the job and had met on their way home.

"You got some intel?" He asked, his eyes scanning the various treats that were covering the shelves of stalls.

"Nothing," she answered with a sigh. "It is the same. He comes in everyday sharp at 7 in the morning and leaves exactly at 5. There has been no change at all".

"I think I'm going insane," he suddenly whispered and stopped dead in his tracks making Inej tense up immediately as she looked around for any threat.

"What's wrong?"

"That- That's Kaz isn't it?" He questioned, unable to believe the words that were on their way through his mouth. "In a- a goddamn flower shop?"

"Don't be ridiculous," she scoffed lightly but her she too froze upon seeing a familiar figure standing merely a few metres away. "Saints that is Kaz!"

"Let's go," he nudged her and she hesitated, not really wanting to pry but curiosity certainly gets the better of everyone. They walked closer silently, hiding behind another store which gave them the perfect view.

And there he was, the bastard of the barrel holding a beautiful, red rose in his bare fingers. Yes, he did not have his gloves on. Something that was noticed by the two.

They saw as he paid the small amount of money and began trodding down the road, his cane held tightly in one hand and the rose was held in the other that was hidden behind his back.

"Breadcrumbs," Jesper smirked at her and she let out a laugh as the two followed their leader, becoming increasingly suspicious. They didn't have to wait for long as the person that they had expected arrived soon enough making the two Crows grin.

"Nina was right after all," Inej muttered as she watched you waving at Kaz to gain his attention and the spying people stepped closer, wanting to hear the conversation that would surely grant them something.

"Hey," they heard you whisper, sounding slightly breathless.

"Hi," Kaz replied and took a tiny step closer so that his shoes were touching yours making you bite your lip. "This is for you," he added and presented the rose, his eyes hungrily scanning yours for every little change that he itched to see.

And you rewarded him with the grin that he oh so loved. When your mouth fell open slightly in surprise before morphing slowly into a gorgeous and breathtaking smile.

"For me?" You asked despite yourself, gently taking the flower from his hand and twirling it in your fingers. "Are you sure?"

A small frown marked his face, "Of course I am. Why do you ask such a thing?"

"Is it not for someone else? Maybe a pretty girl that you're thinking of wooing to help you get whatever information that you need," you teased, your lips pressed together.

"Darling," was all he said. His voice low, deep as he stared intently into your eyes, tilting his head to look even deeper. "There is no one like you," he finished and let a small smile form on his hardened face.

Jesper who had been listening with every ounce of concentration had to slap his palm over his mouth to prevent a squeal from escaping his feeble clutches. It was only for Inej roughly smacking his arm and dragging him away that he managed to not give away their position.

"Hence proved," he concluded his story with his arms extended to the present crowd who were utterly and completely shocked.

"No way that actually happened," Matthias grumbled, muttering to himself while Nina looked like she'd just received all of the available waffles for free.

"I'm a genius," she laughed heartily and chugged down a shot of whiskey in celebration of her matchmaking skills.

"I'm so going to win that bet, Zenik".

"Don't count your pigeons before they're killed, Fahey. We can't be so sure that they're actually married".

"We have to ask them!" Wylan urged, sitting up straight and looking at them for their opinions.

"We will," Nina nodded firmly while the rest appeared unconvinced. "Tomorrow".

"Let's hope that we're not murdered in our beds later that night then," Jesper sighed but he too couldn't contain his excitement.

===============================

4. The Confrontation

"Kaz," Nina said in delight as soon as the man climbed down the last step.

"Never thought I'd live to see the day when you're actually looking happy to see me," he retorted making her roll her eyes.

"We need to talk," Jesper elaborated making him raise an eyebrow as he took in all of his Crows minus you and Inej sitting with their arms crossed and heads held high.

"Does it concern me?"

"Of course it does that's why we're asking!"

"Saints give me the strength," he muttered under his breath before looking at the lot. "Go on then I don't have all day".

That's when Inej entered the scene, dragging you along with her and making you stand next to Kaz. "What's going on?" You questioned, heavily confused and looking around for an answer.

"We need to ask you something," Wylan answered your request.

"I gathered just as much".

"Are you going to ask or not?" Kaz growled in annoyance, his patience running thin.

"We just wanted to know-"

"I've been wanting to ask-"

"We had a feeling that-"

They all began together but not one could complete their sentence until Jesper was the one to blurt it out.

"You're married?"

Kaz and you stood still, dumbstruck before visibly relaxing and you chuckled, "That was quicker than I expected".

"I don't think four years is quick, love," Kaz responded, his lips stretching just the slightest making the crowd explode.

"FOUR YEARS?!"

"YOU TWO ARE ACTUALLY MARRIED!"

"WHEN DID YOU EVEN START DATING?!"

"HOW ON EARTH DID YOU EVEN MANAGE TO PULL HER OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE??"

"Ask him about it," was all you said and sat down on a chair with a very obvious smile adorning your pleased face. Everybody fell silent at once and you knew you had said the right thing. Nobody sensible would ever dare to question Kaz.

Jesper glanced nervously at him, "Can I atleast see your ring? Just to you know, have some confirmation?"

You laughed and pulled the necklace out from under your shirt, revealing a thin but elegant silver band encrusted with a small diamond at its center.

"K- Kaz?" Wylan asked, or rather pleaded.

To their surprise, he took off the glove of his right hand to reveal a similar ring resting beautifully against his pale fingers.

"Saints I win!" Jesper said in disbelief and stood up straight, slowly turning his head to look at Nina. "GIVE ME MY KRUGE!" And all watched as the girl slowly backed away, probably hatching an escape plan and ran swiftly with him hot on her heels.

"That was something huh?" You grinned and looked at your husband, slowly leaning over to intertwine your fingers with his.

"Quite," he huffed lightly but couldn't stay annoyed for long and alas, he too smiled. Not a particularly big one, rather a small, gentle twitch of his lips. One that was only ever displayed for you.

His eyes held the entire universe as he admired you from the side, looking at you as if you had hung those few stars that formed his constellation.

===============================

Taglist :-

@phoenix666stuff

[cilyra]

Fanart poster made by me (Instagram / Twitter )

[perfecteggpartyland]

My boy kaz is no saint but he doesn't discriminate towards anyone + immigrant? You're in; convict?? Join the club; gay? Be gay do crime ; zemeni;suli any other race?? Don't care. Truly an nonjudgmental icon unless you're a traitor; or pekka; or shitty exscuse of a father Jan van eck!! U go babe 😘 we stan- equal job opportunities in this house

[smolandweirdwriter]

The fandom focuses so much on Matthias’s character development in terms of how he views Nina and yeah that’s fair, but pretty much NOBODY ever touches Matthias’s views on the other crows in soc vs ck so i will cuz my guy’s relationship with Kaz goes from demjin (accusatory) to demjin (affectionate), he goes from glaring at Wylan in every interaction to thinking of Wylan as brilliant and an equal, he goes from trying to knock Inej into the water to telling her she is the reason he is still alive and being determined to save her from van eck, he goes from ignoring Jesper to all but clocking Jesper’s entire personality, and in this essay i will

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Underrated Wesper quote (probably bc it’s in the same chapter as “Just girls?” but still)

Jesper: Ready to hear the sound of certain doom?

Wylan: You’ve never heard my father mad

Jesper: That sense of humour is getting progressively more Barrel-appropriate. If we survive, I’ll teach you to swear

[jeremysknoxes]

bro how smart is wylan-

[ambericesage]

Kaz: *wears a slightly lighter shade of black*

Inej: I see you’re breaking out the spring colors

[w4rcr1me5]

Kaz Brekker and the other crows

[ravenyenn19]

Interviewer: are those ur friends?

Kaz: never met em. Seem like a goofy group w a lot of $$$ on the line tho😒

[jinx-the-jester]

Wylan (done on ibispaint x)