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miedei · 22 days ago

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nonexistent rizz

the team is shocked to see that… early seasons!spencer pulls?? and he has pulled????

(aka, the team discovers that early seasons!spence has a girlfriend)

a/n: first cm fic!!! super indulgent, deffo way longer than it had to be but I don’t care, I love love love the dynamic of the s1/s2 team and I NEEDED to write it (look at '#mystery girl!au' on my blog to see more musings about them <3)

cw: alcohol consumption, reader referred to as a woman, reader is around spencer’s age in s1/s2 (23-24), completely inaccurate early 2000s technology i think, cuties being cute, not edited in any way

wc: 2k

part two

(reblogs are the only way to promote fics on tumblr! please reblog if you enjoyed it :) )

mlist

“‘O Keefe’s! My wonderful, wonderful sweethearts, we are going out!” The moment the team steps out of the elevator, Penelope is bombarding them, hands moving wildly as words seem to tumble out of her mouth. “And yes, Hotch, I am sure we have no cases lined up yet, and yes, I’m sure JJ can corroborate that the moment she gets to her office and no, you may not stay behind, tonight is compulsory. That stands for you too, Gideon!”

Hotch hasn’t even opened his mouth, shaking his head in defeat as he takes in Garcia’s determined face. Under the watchful eyes of the team, his shoulders slump, a tired hand scrubbing down his face. “Fine. We all have to finish our reports, but if we’re all done in half an hour, we can go. Gideon?” He turns his face, hoping for Gideon to find a way to bunk off, but there’s a glint of amusement in the older man’s eye. “Sounds like there’s no getting out of it.” With that, he walks off, to his office.

Penelope whoops excitedly, “Okay! That means we’re all going! That’s the first time since Gideon came back,” but her face sets slightly when she meets Spencer’s eye. “No. No, Baby Genius, you will not do this to me,”

“Garcia, I have pl-” “No! You are coming out with us, and we’re going to have a great time, and whatever Russian indie film you were going to watch will still be there for you tomorrow. Okay? No more complaining, baby, you know I won’t listen.” With a pat on his shoulder, she flounces off. Defeated, he doesn’t move from the elevator area, shrugging helplessly when Elle, JJ and Morgan brush past him to the bullpen.

With a sigh, he takes out his phone, pressing his newly-programmed speed dial and bringing the phone to his ear. From Derek’s vantage point in the bullpen, he can see Spencer, pacing back and forth in front of the elevator doors, and he can see the moment whoever is on the other side picks up. The younger man’s face lights up, like when he’s on the receiving end of a rare Hotch smile out in the field, but more spirited, buoyant. Only snippets of the conversation float in through the slightly-ajar glass doors, but they’re enough to give him pause, and still his fingers above his keyboard.

“...Garcia’s got this plan for us all, and…”

“Yes, I know, I do like going out with them, but that’s not what I wanted to do…”

“...I took the metro tonight, so I think I’ll just… Really? You want to?”

At that point, Spencer turns, his voice muffling, and keeping Derek from his vested interest in his conversation. But what little he heard is more than enough to pique his interest. He flicks a pencil onto Elle’s desk. “Greenaway. You know if pretty boy’s mom is in town or something?” Elle looks up from her monitor, head tilting, “Not that I know of. Besides, doesn’t she not like flying? I don’t think he’d have her come here. Why do you ask?”

Derek doesn’t reply, simply gesturing to the glass doors, where Spencer is walking inside, his mouth twitching to conceal his smile. His steps are measured, like he’s trying to feign calm. He settles at his desk, hunching his back in a way that can’t be comfortable, typing rapidly as his knee jiggles up and down. Elle turns back to Derek, eyes wide with wonder.

“That is not how you look getting off the phone with your mother.”

The incident is quickly forgotten, however, when the BAU team are crammed into a booth in the back of the low-lit bar. Penelope has roped Hotch into helping her bring drinks back from the bar, and the rest are speaking a little too loudly, arms flinging and bumping into the empty glasses littering the table.

All except for Gideon, who, despite having had three glasses of whiskey, is still just as calm and observant as he is fully sober. It is this that causes him to zero in on Spencer, sitting across from him, sandwiched between Morgan and the newly-returned Garcia.

There’s a pink flush across his high cheekbones, and he’s incredibly giggly, all things that are completely expected for him, a few drinks in. However, what the experienced profiler picks up on, are his darting eyes. Spencer can often be found staring into the middle distance, or, since Gideon taught him the importance of building rapport with victims and officers alike, trained steadily on the space between someone’s eyebrows, but this time it’s different.

His eyes flick to whoever’s talking, feigning interest, but every few seconds, it turns back down to his lap, where something is clutched in the hand he keeps under the table. If it were Hotch, Gideon would know with absolute certainty that he was watching his phone, waiting for a text from Haley.

But this is Spencer. The youngest person he knows. The youngest person he knows whose technological knowledge is somehow worse than Gideon’s own. What on earth would have Spencer acting-

Oh. Gideon nearly gasps at Spencer’s movements. On his fifteenth peek down at his lap, Spencer stiffens, then draws his hand up from his lap to get closer to his face. It is his phone, and Spencer Reid has somehow learned to text as quickly as Morgan does. His thumbs fly over the buttons on his phone, and he can’t hold back the smile that spreads on his face.

Gideon’s eyes furrow, and he can’t hold back from nudging Hotch’s shoulder, pointing in Spencer’s direction. Hotch pulls himself away from his conversation with JJ, and Gideon can see his expression morph from mild interest, to confusion, to complete bewilderment. After a beat, his face turns to meet Gideon’s and his normally stoic demeanor is shaken, eyes wide.

Spencer, however, doesn’t even notice his mentors’ faces, still tapping away at his phone and craning his neck to look around the bar.

It’s a while later, when JJ has pulled the team (minus Hotch and Gideon) onto the dance floor, a few drinks past tipsy at this point. She’s laughing out loud, holding Elle’s hand and twirling her under her arm. Penelope and Derek are mock-waltzing, bursting into laughter every few steps, and Spencer…

JJ pauses for a moment, before Elle pulls her into moving again. Her head whips around, trying to find Spencer, before giving up. He must be back at the table with Hotch and Gideon, he was never very comfortable dancing anyway.

The four on the dance floor quickly devolve into a mess, swapping partners until they’re all dizzy and laughing. JJ and Penelope are shimmying back and forth together, when Penelope gasps a little, tapping JJ’s arm without ceasing her movements. “Jayj! Look, see that girl at the bar?” She gestures subtly at a younger woman, probably in her early twenties, wearing a purple wrap top that has JJ sighing wistfully.

“Pen, I think I’ve seen my soulmate. Would it be weird for me to crawl over there and beg her for her shirt?” Penelope giggles, gripping JJ’s forearms so they can sway to the music dramatically. “Just a little, my sweet. How about we go ask her where it’s from, though? I think that would be a little more…” She goes uncharacteristically silent, and it has JJ twisting to see what shut her up. However, Penelope tightens her grip on her arms, keeping her from moving.

“JJ. My love, my heart. You’ll always be honest with me, won’t you?” Now she’s worried. JJ nods quickly, deciding to just focus on Penelope. “Yeah, Garcia, of course. What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m seeing things, and you are one of the most qualified people in the world to tell me if I’m going crazy. I’m going to turn us around, and you’re going to look at the woman in that gorgeous top, and you are going to either scream, or send me off to Hotch for a psychological evaluation.” Her tone is serious, hushed, and JJ nods solemnly.

The intricate plan is conducted, and JJ is now facing the bar, her eyes searching for the girl, when she stiffens, sucking in a breath. “Yes! I’m not crazy, you see it right? What is going on!” Penelope smacks her arm repeatedly, but JJ can’t tear her eyes away from it. It being something she couldn’t possibly have prepared herself for, not in her wildest imaginations.

The girl is sitting on a barstool, sipping at a cocktail, and chatting to… Spencer. Spencer, the BAU’s Spencer, child-prodigy-lovable-dork-awkward-mess Spencer Reid, is stood in between her legs, smiling down at Mystery Girl without a hint of fear. It’s devastatingly sweet, his eyes soft in a way she’s never seen before, as he nods along with whatever she’s saying. Penelope jolts her out of her trance with a tap to the arm, JJ whispering, “He’s so… carefree.”

That’s the only way to describe it. He’s looking down at her, eyes locked onto hers, and he’s still. His hands aren’t tapping, his leg isn’t shaking. He’s just looking at her.

JJ can feel Morgan and Elle huddle near her, questioning Penelope about what they’re looking at, before shutting up as they see it. She hears them take twin gasps, and huddle even closer. They stand in silence, surely a hindrance to the people dancing, but they can’t tear themselves away.

It’s only when Spencer shatters their worlds once more that they finally find themselves able to move. Four pairs of eyes follow him, as he leans even further towards Mystery Girl, and they all bulge at once when he raises a hand, carding his fingers through her hair. Penelope whispers, “oh my god”, Elle grips JJ’s arm in a vice grip, and Derek makes an unseemly noise, before gripping their arms, tugging them back to the booth.

They collapse in the seats, faces pale as they look at each other, next to a very confused Gideon and Hotch.

“What? What is it?” Hotch questions them, brow furrowed deeply. None of them speak, however. Only Elle lifts a weak hand to point. She directs their attention to the sight at the bar, and they all turn back to it, gasping once again. They’re… “kissing,” Derek breathes, shocked. Hotch and Gideon stiffen, but still crane their heads until their eyes fall on what has rendered their highly trained team speechless. And their reactions are just as silent.

Mystery Girl has stood up, her arms around Spencer’s neck, and he’s leaned down to meet her lips, hands braced on her hips. It’s honestly not that scandalous, a lazy, casual kiss that they part from with twin smiles, but the FBI agents can’t handle it. They don’t say a word, straining their ears to hear whatever she is saying as he holds her hand (Penelope lets out a squeak at that), and walks with her towards the door, not even noticing that his coworkers have returned to the booth. Her voice is low, but Hotch manages to pick up a few of the words.

“...go home and watch that movie I was telling you about? Metropolis, I think you’ll really…” And they’re off. Spencer Reid has left a bar, holding hands with a girl (that he’s apparently spoken to multiple times? Who refers to a place as home for both of them?), acting like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

The group sits in silence, unable to muster a comment, when Penelope’s phone buzzes. She checks it, and silently turns the screen over so they can all read it.

BOY GENIUS: Hey Garcia. I wasn’t feeling well so I decided to go home. See you Monday :-)

“What?”

#early seasons!spence my beloved #earlyseasons!spencer #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #writing #bau team #jj jareau #penelope garcia #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #matthew gray gubler #mystery girl!au

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amberjazmyn · 1 year ago

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matthew gray gubler one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - "we got to get her out of here, okay? it's really cold in here for her and I just don't--"

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - depressing, grief, grieving husband, widower, character death, hysterical crying

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - matthew's wife, lennon gubler is murdered in cold blood after being caught in the right place wrong time after she was trying to give water to who she was told were stranded police officers. matthew is then called and has to visit the coroner's office to identify/see the body for the first time.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i have written this imagine before as a jared padalecki imagine which was based around one of the episodes of his newest show but, i decided i wanted to change it up and make it into a matthew gray gubler imagine! considering he was also on a crime procedural show, buckle up. the night of lennon (matthew's wife) will be written in italics and then the present time will be written in the normal font. this is also set in like the early seasons of criminal minds because i want both m.g.g and lennon to be in their early to mid-twenties :)

masterlist

- - -

her entire body was slowing down and shutting off as were all of her vital organs that were usually so well in keeping her alive during moments of immense panic. she was trying so hard to breathe in and out but, she couldn't. laying on the floor, in the muddy grass field, she couldn't help but pray and hope that help was on its way if help had even been called at all since she was no longer with her partner. every time she tried to breathe in, she'd start choking and gurgling on the blood that was rising up in her throat from the gunshot wound to her stomach and due to the fact that she was laying down on the floor as if she was paralyzed.

trying to keep her eyes open, she tried so hard to stay alive even though she knew that in a matter of minutes, maybe seconds, she would be dead. this was when lennon gubler's phone had started to ring again after she had rung her husband before hanging up mid gunshot. as she moaned in pain of her incoming death, she just as about looked at her phone one last time as she saw the contact photo of her husband, matthew gray gubler flash up on her iphone. the photo was of the two of them laughing as matthew tried to go in for a kiss on lennon's lips but missed it entirely whilst their two godsons and her daughter, mehkai, pheonix and florianna were seen in the background, also pictured laughing at their godparents and parents. as tears, blood, sweat and other bodily fluids bubbled in lennon's throat and down her face, she came to the fate that she was gonna die and was for some reason at peace with it even though she never thought she'd die like this; similar to an episode of criminal minds that she stared in that was her favourite. she had no clue that she was right in the middle of a gunfight from a drug syndicate gone wrong. yeah, sounds exactly like an episode of criminal minds exactly. as her breathing started slowing down, as did her panicking and worry of dying. her entire life from a little kid to the first time she met her husband to when she watched aj cook, the costar and best friend of the married couple give birth to her godsons, to finding out about her own pregnancy with florianna with her previous partner, as well as lennon, finding out the news of her second pregnancy that was still yet to be announced to everyone else but matthew and florianna were now playing through her mind like a little highlight reel. putting her at ease, she found herself taking her last breath with a smile on her face as her eyes fluttered shut as if she was just falling asleep and wasn't bleeding out and covered in sweat, tears and various other bodily fluids. she was calm and at rest even though the way to was anything but calming and restful. she only hoped that her unborn child was also calm and at rest despite the heartbreak that this was going to cause everyone after the fact.

back at the house, matthew couldn't contain his fear. thankful for the fact that criminal minds, the show he was on for nearly ten years now was on a short five-month hiatus, meaning he was now home rather than constantly going back and forth from la. this then inadvertently meant that the least of his worries was having to get on a plane to rush to his wife. however, it still worried him that his wife didn't pick up the phone call after she had called him originally. whilst matthew and lennon didn't have too many similarities to their criminal minds counterparts, the biggest one they did have was, they were married to each other - just like their characters on criminal minds are. despite the fact that dr reid and ssa cordelia reid didn't have kids, that was something that the gubler's did; they shared florianna gubler who was actually from a previous relationship of lennon's and then a baby girl on the way with matthew. it seemed as if lennon was living in an episode of criminal minds, in which she had felt like she was trying to unknowingly find an unsub. one of lennon's favourite episodes of criminal minds was the one in which her character had been shot down by the unsub of the episode after her character was just innocently trying to give water to who she thought was a group of stranded police officers. this phone call and then missed phone call gave matthew the same vibes that that exact criminal minds episode that was lennon's favourite gave him as well as an intense feeling of deja vu. it gave him the shivers to think that what happened in his tv world of pretend, could be possibly starting to happen in his real world. but, now, the thing that was raising alarm bells and consistent questions were who would want to murder or even hurt lennon?

it was then that matthew recieved a call from the las vegas county coroner's office in regards to a body that needed identifying however, matthew didn't know that immediately. it was an unknown number that had rung him but he assumed that it was a law enforcement/government official number so, it gave him all the wrong feelings that it was the coroner's office. why would they need matthew though if it was the coroner? he wasn't a real life fbi agent or dr spencer reid, and even then, why would he specifically need to identify someone? his blood then grew cold as his eyes began to water and he started to feel sick in the pit of his stomach. what if that deja vu feeling was because of that specific criminal minds episode that lennon loved had just happened in real life with his legitimate wife?

"hello, am i speaking to a mr matthew gubler? the random man on the other side of the phoneline asks, making matthew's anxiety anything but better about where his wife was

"umm, yes...yes, this is he. who...who am i speaking with, sorry?" matthew stammered out in confusion and worry, his heart beating out of his chest, just hoping it wasn't the hospital or--

"--this is the las vegas county coroner's office, sir. a lady in her early to late twenties has just been brought in to us and we're still unsure as to her cause of death but with the information we received, we found out that you were an emergency contact. we're just asking for you to come over so you can id this lady because as of right now, you sir, are our only lead as to who this lady is," the man spoke softly and with empathy, as matthew felt as if he had been kicked to the stomach, his breath was lost in a second as he then realised, the lady from what he had been told wasn't pregnant - maybe he wouldn't be identifying his wife

"oh...oh shi-umm, yeah, of...of course! i'll be on my way soon--"

"--also, before i forget, was the lady that was brought into the coroner's office pregnant?" matthew felt like his entire body was shutting down as he tried to grab his car keys, his jacket, shoes, wallet with id, driver's license etc. as the man on the other end responded back with a sort of gasp of remembrance

"ah, that was what i had seemingly forgotten. sadly, the woman that has been brought into the examiner's office was mentioned to be eighteen weeks pregnant and we sadly have a firm belief as to who it is, hence why you've been our first point of call so, please be wary mr gubler. see you soon, thank you for your time," the man spoke as he then hung up so he could then ring up the three other people that were emergency contacts of lennon gubler

the second that the phone line went dead, it seemed as if matthew was now on autopilot. rushing to his car, he sped down to the coroner's office, most likely breaking a ton of road rules. just hoping that the person he was going to be attempting to identify wasn't someone he was related to, let alone his own eighteen-week pregnant wife. and even then, he'd still be confused and equally as heartbroken as to who this person would be and why he'd be an unknown person's emergency contact.

as matthew arrived at the las vegas county coroner's office, as did a car that he recognised all too well. his best friends' from criminal minds, aj, shemar and paget stepped out of shemar's car. were they another one of the emergency contacts? okay, this was now messing with matthew and it was stressing him out to the point where he was feeling dizzy.

"matthew, buddy, what's going on? do you know?" aj approaches her nervous best friend as she sees the taller man shake his head no, panic seeping through his eyes as aj tightens her jaw, seemingly already figuring it out with shemar and paget before matthew did

as the four best friends leaned against the big car that matthew had driven, his mind just started to wonder as he thought up of all the people who he knew in his family and friend group that had him as their emergency contact, a voice coming from the door of the building had caught the friends' attention.

"mr gubler and co. they're ready for you," a las vegas medical examiner opened the door, giving matthew and his costars the shivers as he thought back to that day of the legitimate filming of lennon's favourite criminal minds episode of watching his onscreen and real-life wife die in front of him, it just gave him the creeps and rightfully so

"we love you, buddy, it's gonna be okay!" shemar spoke softly as he placed his hand on his slightly shorter best friend's shoulder as he turned around, nodding his head before before turning back to the m.e and into the coroner's office

only aj had followed the examiner and matthew into the office, shemar and paget waiting outside and to aj and matthew, it felt like they were on a movie set, this moment in its entirety not feeling exactly real to the actors. aj was best friends with lennon, matthew's wife, so to even think that they were possibly having to identify her best friend's wife's dead body haunted her and they hadn't even been shown the body yet. aj had some idea that lennon's favourite cm episode in which she dies was the one that had given matthew the creepy and deja vu vibes and, that's probably why it haunted aj a lot more. matthew was probably going through a feeling of deja vu and that's when it hit aj. i mean, why else would they be called to the coroner's office rather than a hospital if lennon died in a more natural way like a car collision or stroke?

now, aj, just like her best friend, was also feeling nervous and sick to the stomach as they were then brought into the room where they were able to identify the body. the medical examiner and another police officer, who aj and matthew assumed was the one who had found lennon, was at the head of the body. all the examiner needed was a head nod from either aj or matthew but, it was matthew's head-nod that the examiner knew for sure that it was time for the two costars to identify the body of the lady that had been found. matthew's body then locked, his knees locked as he fell forward against the metal slab that the dead unknown lady was laying on when he came to realise who he was needing to identify as dead.

straight away, loud sobs and whimpers like never heard before from matthew echoed across the office and from outside where shemar and paget could hear them from as matthew started to lean against the cold metal slab to keep himself steady so he wouldn't collapse on his knees. he couldn't seem to fathom in his head who would do something like this to his wife, his pregnant wife, even then, what did they do to his wife? the examiner didn't even mention it as they decided that it would be more efficient to have them identify if it really was lennon gubler, and it was, before revealing her cause of death

"oh...oh my go...gosh!" matthew sobbed out as he panicked, what had even happened to his wife? what was she doing? why didn't she ring him back? he had so many questions going through his mind right now that he couldn't focus on anything apart from the fact that he wasn't going to allow himself to collapse to the ground

"i...i got..gotta call my...my mom! got to call...oh, florianna...ba...baby girl," matthew whimpered and sniffled as he found himself falling into hysteria at the fact that he was now all on his own, he had lost the love of his life and his unborn child - matthew had also lost his unborn daughter and florianna had lost her mom and unborn sister

it broke aj's heart to hear this and it seemed as if she realised immediately what matthew meant when he whimpered out the "baby girl" after mentioning florianna. and that almost made her fall to her own knees as she too fought hard to keep her own tears at bay. lennon was pregnant with their first baby girl together and the husband and wife didn't even get to announce it to the rest of the world yet.

"we got to get her out of here, okay?" matthew panicked, not willing to accept the fact that lennon and his unborn daughter were now dead as aj just watched on, tears of her own now unwillingly streaming down her cheeks as she was ever-so silent, matthew's cries being the only ones heard

"it's really cold in here for her and i just don't--"

"--doctor *sniffles*, sir umm, how...how did lennon and the baby die? what...what happened?" immediately, to calm down her friend, aj walked over and asked the examiner how lennon and the unborn baby died so she could then take matthew, who was absolutely shattered by his grief, back outside of the office to get shemar and paget to help her calm matthew down

"now that it has been identified from you two that this is lennon gubler and her unborn daughter, we are now able to inform you that this was a gunshot wound to her abdominal-stomach area in the midsection that was her ultimate cause of death. the las vegas police are now forming an investigation as to who lennon and baby gubler's killer was and whether or not there was an ulterior motive or if, as we suspected, she was in the right place at the wrong time and didn't realise until it was too late," the examiner spoke softly but professionally as aj nodded her head, the only other noise now heard was her best friend's gutwrenching sobs as his legs slowly started to give way as he started to heavily rely on applying pressure to the metal slab to keep himself upright

it devastated aj, shemar and paget as much as it devastated matthew that it was lennon's dead body that they just identified alongside their unborn daughter. it filled all four of them up with so many questions as to what lennon was doing that caused her to die of a gunshot wound, exactly like she did on criminal minds. how in god's grace did she get shot? was she doing something suspicious or that seemed suspicious to the person or people that shot her? was she aware that she was possibly walking through unsafe and protected territory? was she, like the examiner mentioned, just in the right place but just wrong time? was this a real-life ssa cordelia/dr spencer reid situation where she was killed via a gunshot wound by the unsub after going to the wrong territory? were the people who shot lennon worried that because she had her phone out that she was gonna rat them out to the police or the las vegas fbi? so many questions but, it seemed as if there were no possible answers to fill the void that matthew no longer had his wife by his side anymore and wouldn't ever have his beautiful baby girl. their eldest daughter, florianna no longer had her mom there if she needed help with anything but, she also no longer had the younger sister that she had dreamt about wanting.

matthew was still weeping and it was still loud. it seemed as if despite the number of tears he was producing and the sobbing noise, he wasn't ever going to run out. it shocked aj, shemar and paget a little bit that he was still standing (shemar and paget had now come in), albeit with the help of the cold, metal, dried-up-bloody slab, because they all would have thought that immediately, matthew would have collapsed to the floor. however, they realised quickly that matthew still wanted to have some control over himself and his body if he couldn't control the tears that racked his entire body.

present time

four months later and the gubler family and extended were having the righteous funeral for lennon and baby gubler. they had waited four months so they could find out who had done it, what their motive was and place them in jail which included the very long and very tiresome court process which thankfully went in favour of matthew and lennon, his wife's murderer jailed for life. once that was done and the stress from that was over, matthew, alongside the criminal minds cast and both families organized the funeral for the loving wife, mother, daughter, sister, best friend, castmate that lennon was. despite the agony, grief and loss of control lennon and baby gubler's death brought to matthew, florianna and everyone else affected by her death, it also gave them a new sense of strength.

it was also now something that matthew could connect to his character, dr spencer reid, in a way he now wished he didn't. he didn't wish for his real life and tv life to converge but now it did and whilst it scared him, it now gave him a new depth that he could now use for scenes in which called for him to be grieving and upset. he even went as far as to watch that particular criminal minds episode alongside his daughter, florianna. of course, it was going to worry florianna because watching the episode was the exact same way in which lennon had died in real life. however, matthew was seemingly okay with the both of them watching the episode so, they did.

sitting in silence, the immediate gubler and criminal minds cast families just played with their fingers and thumbs or tried to distract themselves in another way that wasn't as obvious as twiddling with fingers and thumbs. that was until florianna, gubler's daughter spoke up, breaking the silence of the room.

"mom would totally be saying a joke right now," she spoke bluntly but tried to keep her voice airy at the same time, her dad, cousins, uncles and aunties all looking at the teenage girl to continue

"what did the ghost say to the bee?" she almost smirked and she hadn't even said the punchline to the joke, even though it could be classified as a dad joke as it seemed as if all the adults knew where the joke was headed

"boo bee," she struggled to keep her small giggles in which made her dad, who was already in tatters yet again, tearfully giggle

"what...what's brown and sticky?" mia, joe mantenga's daughter spoke up with a small giggle as immediately florianna rolled her eyes at her cousin's dad joke

" a stick," the cousins said at the same exact time, mia giggling softly and florianna in a monotone voice with a joking roll of her eyes, a sad but small smile playing on her lips

"what would you get if a dinosaur kicked you in the rear end? amegasoreass," matthew spoke up tearfully with a laugh as the room filled with giggles, whether they were tearful, wholehearted, nervous laughter or what, the room was still filling up with laughter which was a good step in the grieving process

"that was absolutely awful, dad. mom would've for sure slapped you in the back of the head for that one, even though i wouldn't have seen it," florianna whispered, glad that she was now back with her rightful family and not her biological father

the teenage girl then leaned against the black couch as she spread out her black silk skirt and fixed up her black and white polka-dotted crop top as she then started to become a little overwhelmed with all the black and darkness that she was surrounded by.

it felt like the poor girl was having an anxiety or panic attack. it felt like her throat was closing up and like she was getting fidgety and reckless. thankfully it seemed as if no one noticed that florianna was freaking out so, she decided to take her chance and she booked it out of the lounge room. rushing outside, it was like she could finally let herself explode into the wooded forest that surrounded the funeral home. her cries were almost as loud and gutwrenching as her dad's when he had to identify lennon's body at the medical examiner's office with aj, shemar and paget. wrapping her arms around herself as a form of self-protection, it seemed as if she hadn't noticed the fast pace sounds of the crunching leaves behind her and the heavy breathing. which sounded like someone was running to find florianna. yet, due to the amount of panic and distress that florianna was in, she hadn't realised that someone had gone out to look for her. especially considering it looked as if beforehand that no one was paying attention to her, she thought she would have gotten away with it easily. however, apparently, florianna cannot be secretive and slick around dad as much as she thinks she is.

florianna was about to turn back around after having her panic attack to go back to the lounge room, only to look up and be matched with her dad's tearful eyes.

no words were even needed to tell matthew that his daughter really wasn't as okay as she had made everyone believe she was. everything felt as thought it was faling on top of her all at once and, it was now her breaking point. she couldn't hold on any longer but she didn't want to be in the presence of her family, most especially her dad because of how painful it would have been for him and everyone else so, she thought the only smart option was to do it alone where no one else could hear her or see her.

"florianna?" matthew only whispered before florianna broke again, falling into her dad's embrace as he immediately pulled his daughter into his arms

"i...i can't...it...it hurts so much daddy...why did she die?" florianna panicked, the same way that matthew himself panicked that day four months ago at the examiner's office

"i know it hurts baby. it hurts like hell and it'll feel like that for a while, i'm never gonna lie to you. and, she...she died because she was at the right place at the wrong time and she was caught in the crossfire of a drug syndicate deal that went horribly wrong. the drug dealers at the field where the las vegas officers had found your mom had noticed that she was walking towards them. mom, obviously oblivious to what was going on in front of her because she thought she was meeting up with a group of stranded police officers, when they saw the phone in her hand when she was on the phone with me, they thought she was going to rat them out of the officers and, they only thought the best way to stop that possible scenario from happening was to eliminate her so, that...that's what they did," matthew's eyes widened towards the end, that had been the first time in months that he had explained to his daughter how lennon had died

"did...did they know that she was pregnant? did...did they know that mom was pregnant and that's also why they killed her rather than letting her go because they knew they weren't just killing her but also the baby?" florianna whimpered as matthew didn't even think about that as his eyes widened again

"i...i have no idea baby, i have no idea. maybe they did, maybe they didn't at the time but, they know now and i promise you that it haunts them every single day just like it haunts us..." matthew comforted as he stepped closer as florianna nodded her head

"why is our life slowly turning into reid's?" florianna whimpered as she hugged her dad tight as he scoffed as he sniffled, a tear of his hitting florianna's cheek

"i don't know baby girl, but, i think this is where it's gonna end!" matthew muttered, only hoping that the fight scenes, shoot outs and stalker scenes that were benig filmed were gonna stay as tv scenes

"how are you so sure?" florianna whimpered out again as she took a deep breath in as matthew followed through so he could control his breathing as well

"because baby, the shooter, whilst showing utter remorse and guilt for the murder, is in jail for as long as he shall live. even though we did forgive him, he still took away the lives of an innocent lady and unborn daughter who was just simply unaware of what was going on around her. just know that i'm not going anywhere and i'm always going to protect you, mehkai and pheonix, you understand florianna?" matthew was strict with his daughter and godsons straight after their mom and godmother's death over him, dad and godfather, being sure he'd never leave the kids alone and that was something that florianna, mehkai and pheonix appreciated from their dad and godfather because they needed it right now during this time of grieving more than ever

"i understand dad. mehkai and pheonix and i really do appreciate it. it gives us back some normalcy even though it'll never really be normal again now that mom's no longer around," florianna whispered as matthew clenched his jaw as his chin and lip quivered as he held his daughter tightly

they then both broke down into sobs, loud, gutwrenching sobs as they stood in the wooded area for minutes to what was maybe an hour before mehkai and pheonix had come out to look for their godsister and godfather. only to find them still crying their eyes out as the four of them embraced. which then suddenly brought up mehkai and pheonix's emotions which then, in turn, got them brought into the hug as they joined their godsister and godfather as the four gubler/cook's cried together.

the two remaining gubler's and the two young cook boys cried over their mom, wife, godmother and unborn sister/godsister/daughter, over the fact that they'd never see her smile, hear her laugh, hear her sing in the kitchen, play with their dogs pandora and peaches. they cried over the fact that dad was a lot more vulnerable without mom than when she was alive. that meant that florianna, mehkai and pheonix but mostly florianna was doing to have to be the stronghold, most especially when matthew wasn't able to keep his grief at bay. they cried over the fact that the only thing they've got left of their mom, wife, unborn sister/daughter and godmother is the videos, photos (and ultrasounds) of memories that were gonna spare a lifetime but were still not enough in the means of never getting new videos and photos of the both of them.

"dad?" florianna speaks up, her voice raw and scratchy from her sobbing

"yeah, baby?" matthew speaks up, his voice just as raw and stratchy as he sniffled, his tissue wiping away the tears on his cheeks

"are you okay to go back to work, to criminal minds?" florianna's soft words brought comfort to matthew that had never happened before as he found himself slightly smiling at his daughter's question

"yeah, i am darling. it has been four months, they need me back on set. if you wish and want to, i'm sure it wouldn't be a problem if i brought you, mehkai and pheonix as well, especially if the jareau boys are featured in any episodes?" matthew proposed as florianna's eyes lit up as if all her previous grief was gone whereas aj's two little boys, straight away turned down their godfather's offer

"please, dad?" florianna burst out whilst the two boys shook their heads softly, "no thanks," the boys both shuffled on their feet as florianna pulled away from her dad so mehkai and pheonix could have a chat because she knew that matthew was gonna question his godsons as mehkai and pheonix loved visiting the criminal minds set, especially when they were featured in an episode so, he wanted to unpact as to why they now didn't want to

"mehkai, pheonix, why not? you two love visiting set with me and florianna, especially when you're featured in an episode, what's changed?" matthew questioned as they sat themselves down on the bench against the tree, mehkai huffing as pheonix stayed silent

"just...right now, i personally want to focus on school and getting my head back on track there before i can bring myself to step foot elsewhere that isn't home or school. is...is that okay?" mehkai questioned worriedly as matthew's eyes softened as did his shoulders

"of course, that's okay buddy! i'm never gonna force either of you to come back until you believe or you are fully ready. i know florianna is because that's all she's been alluding to and that's okay too! both of your priorities are school and florianna's is criminal minds and they are both perfectly fine options and valid to have! i love you both so much, you know that right, you two?" matthew then reminds his godsons that he loves them both and if they remember as the two boys both chuckle softly

"thanks, matthew and we love you too, it's something you remind us and florianna of every single day!" mehkai smiles as does pheonix as matthew smiles softly too, bringing the two boys in for a hug before patting their shoulders as they let matthew walk in front of them, the two boys wanting to linger outside together for a bit longer

matthew then joined florianna, who had been sitting down on the outside steps the entire conversation, obviously not paying attention to it as matthew and florianna smiled at each other.

"you ready to face everyone again? matthew questions his daughter as they hold hands as florianna smiles down at the ground - knowing there was going to be a lot more tears but that they were maybe going to be a bit more silent and discreet

"i mean, the show must go on, right?" florianna smiled as matthew smiled and nodded his head at his daughter as they both took one last look at mehkai and pheonix, both boys giving them thumps up that they were okay and were both going to come back inside shortly

"you are absolutely correct florianna lennon, you are correct!" matthew smiled, making florianna laugh at the use of her middle name which was obviously her mom's first name as they walked inside as only a few people made attention to florianna and her absence. aj, florianna's godmother and fellow criminal minds actress are one of them.

aj and florianna were best friends alongside shemar moore, who is also in criminal minds as aj pulls her goddaughter in for a hug.

"you alright darling?" aj whispered, holding her goddaughter tightly as florianna smiled, nodding her head into aj's chest

"mhm, i'm more than alright," she whispered back as aj smiled, closing her eyes tightly, her first tears over lennon's death finally slipping down her cheeks after being so strong for the gubler's

this then made florianna hug aj more tighter which caused aj to start crying even more. thankfully, her crying wasn't loud but florianna could tell even thought it was silent that aj was crying and it pained her that her godmother had held back these tears for so long because she didn't want to seem weak whilst comforting her and her father.

"now, i'll ask you, aj, are you okay?" florianna whispered softly to her godmother as they remained in their close hug as matthew watched his daughter and the godmother of his daughter from afar, his arms crossed with teary eyes and a proud smile on his face for the utter strength of his daughter

"in time," aj sniffled quietly as florianna nodded her head in agreement

"in time," florianna repeated because it was true

everything was going to get better, in time.

- - -

ok, this was so unfair of me but i just love writing sad things and my newest obsessions are aaron tveit and matthew gray gubler so please deal with these new instalments of utter destruction :)

ily xx

word count; 5775

#in time #matthew gray gubler my beloved #aj cook #shemar moore #joe mantenga #mia mantenga #paget brewester #criminal minds cast #angst

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