#mark would be a great baller

[tv1xx]

More sketches of Mark as a baseball player ⚾️

[gay-jesus-probably]

When you have a chance please infodump about fossils!! I would love to hear more about it- I’m Canadian and had no idea that four of the oldest were here that’s so cool!

OH SHIT HEY YES I CAN DO THAT NOW! Typing is much easier; my hand is still a bit fucked, but it hurts less, and also my sibling made an emergency delivery of bandaids so that I'm not just sitting here with a fucking kleenex taped my hand like before SO IT'S INFODUMP TIME!

Anyways Canada is actually really fucking baller for fossils, we've got a LOT of them, because Canada's got some really cool geology stuff going on! The oldest major fossil site in Canada (and second oldest on earth) is over by Lake Superior for a reason, and that reason is entirely the Canadian Shield! It's some of the oldest land on earth, and one of the only places where you find a lot of rock that was formed in the Archean eon.

What's the Archean eon? Great question! You asked about paleontology, but first we've gotta do a geology lecture, because we're talking fossils that are several billion years old - at this stage, paleontology IS geology, they're one and the same. So, the Earth's lifespan is split into four geological eons - Hadean, Archean, Proterozoic, and Phanerzoic.

The Hadean eon began with the formation of the earth, and the most notable event during it was baby Earth colliding with the deceased planet Theia - the broken chunks of mantle from both planets were launched into orbit, with the further away ones condensing to form the moon, while the rest of Theia is believed to have been sort of just absorbed into the Earth's core, which explains a lot about why the Earth's core is unusually large for a planet of its size, and the effects of its remains also explains some very specific seismic phenomenoms... it's a whole thing, very cool. The chunks of earth/theia mantle that didn't become the moon came back down eventually, in an event known as the Late Heavy Bombardment, which marks the start of the Archean eon. That's where the planet stabilized, the oceans formed, the very first (tiny) landmasses appeared, and the earth underwent abiogenesis, which is to say life being created! ...In the form of single cell lifeforms.

Abiogenesis is very interesting by itself, but I don't think I can adequately cover that, so let's not get too into it. The short version is that an electical spark (such as lightning) in just the right conditions can make a whole lot of exciting proteins that, if left to their own devices, may develop into microbial lifeforms. The protein creation has been replicated in lab conditions, but synthesizing new life from that isn't exactly do-able; those proteins are very appealing to basically everything, so if they come into existence, they're snapped up pretty quickly by whatever bacteria happens to exist in the general vicinity. Those proteins can only really develop into lifeforms when there's no lifeforms around to eat them in the first place. And ensuring conditions where bacteria can't be present also means conditions not being viable for life to form anyways... it's a fun paradox. Not the point.

Anyways, that's believed to have gone down very early in the Archean eon, and the microbes were just sort of vibing in the oceans for a couple billion years until one of them evolved in a certain way, got Ideas about the elemental composition of the atmosphere, and decided it'd be pretty cool if all that oxygen was in a more convenient form... Which brings us to the Great Oxidation Event, which rolls us into the Proterozoic eon, killed the majority of the Archean lifeforms, and ensured that us oxygen breathing bastards became the dominant form of life. Proterozoic era was where things got really exciting; some more land began surfacing, and more importantly the microbial life began evolving into plants! Which is extremely cool and exciting.

And THEN we entered the Phanerozoic eon, which is the one we're currently in. This began with the Paleozoic era, and THAT started with the Cambrian period, which is notable for being the point where life diversity really exploded; more complex organisms had been slowly evolving in the Proterozoic eon, but the Cambrian period is where shit took off, and the very first 'animal' life appeared, mainly in the form of itty bitty sea creatures, like molluscs and trilobites. This was all about 500 million years ago. For obvious reasons, the majority of fossils are from the Cambrian period or later; anything pre-cambrian is a Really Big Deal (for science nerds). Which is also why Australia and the Canadian Shield are such a big deal geologically speaking, because not only are they some of the only cases of pre-cambrian landmasses, they're also some of the only Archean landmasses on the surface! Fuck, western Australia's so old, we've found (tiny) rock samples from the Hadean eon there!! It's absolutely wild, I love it.

Anyways, sorry Australians, but let's focus on the Canadian fossils now, cause that's where I live so it's more exciting to me. So, Canada's oldest fossil deposit is my beloved Gunflint Chert! It's the only major hotspot for Archean fossils apart from the Apex Chert, but we know Gunflint is younger, because it's also got examples of veeeery early Proterozoic fossils, which is also quite cool! Our second oldest fossil deposit is the Mistaken Point Formation, up in (shockingly enough) the Mistaken Point region of Newfoundland & Labrador, and that's entirely late Proterozoic eon fossils, which is quite cool (it's also the 4th oldest; number 3 is also late proterozoic, and is in northern Australia). Number five is also Australia, and is our last example of proterozoic fossils; 6 is, once again, Aussie, and that's where we roll into early Cambrian fossils (number 7 is, again, a bunch of very interesting cambrian trilobites in Morocco).

Aand that brings us to the eight oldest fossil deposit on earth, which I HAVE personally been to several times, and found samples in! Burgess Shale formation my beloved!!! It's in the BC-Alberta Rockies, and there's some very nice hiking in the area - if you're ever in the Banff area, I 100% recommend the Stanley Glacier trail, because the top portion comes out into a wide rock field, which is a hotbed for fossils! ...Don't take any, it's very illegal and also bad for science. They've got a fossil deposit box chained to a boulder up there for paleontologists to put samples in for later collection, and from what I saw the standard practice is for hikers to leave fossils they find on top of the box for the paleontologists to collect (and for other hikers to see. I found a trilobite fossil up there, it was AWESOME. And left it on the box with the other fossils. Just... Burgess Shale man, oh my god, it's so cool!

Aaaand then number 9 is Krukowski Quarry down in Wisconsin; I haven't been, but it's pretty cool, I think that's where we found the oldest example of a jellyfish existing, which is awesome. Also don't know much about number 10; it's Manuel's River up near Conception Bay, so also Newfoundland & Labrador, where I've never been.

ANYWAYS detouring a bit, while old fossils are extremely cool, y'know what's even more cool? REALLY WELL PRESERVED FOSSILS and oh boy do I have news for you about where the holy grail of dinosaur fossils is. That's right, CANADA BABY. Arguably the best part about Alberta is that this godforsaken hellhole is at least a really good hotbed for fossils. We've got some of the Burgess Shale out west in the mountains, the oil sands up north have so many fossils that everyone just has paleontologists on call all the time, and down south is the Dinosaur Park formation of fossils, which is such a good hotspot that it's literally a UNESCO world heritage site.

BUT. The most important Canadian fossil of all... is my beloved Nodosaur, the Borealopelta. We dug that bad boy out of the oil sands up near Fort McMurray accidentally in 2011 (hell of a surprise for the guy running the excavator that day), and once it was safely extracted, it turned out that hot fucking damn, that thing didn't just look good, it was perfectly preserved. Like, it somehow wound up in the PERFECT circumstances to mummify it after death, and then that mummified body hit the right circumstances to be fossilized. Paleontologists were able to get pigment samples off of its scales. It still has organs. It's most well preserved fossil ever discovered. Ever. It's on display at the Royal Tyrell Museum in Drumheller, AB - I've been to see it in person, and it was AMAZING, I swear I spent like half an hour in that room, it's so cool. Cannot recommend visiting there strongly enough, it's awesome - Drumheller's on that Dinosaur Park fossil deposit, so the Royal Tyrell is just entirely a paleontology museum. And it absolutely slaps!

[markdelonge]

ariana grande's "sweetener"

lyrics / album prompt

for blink-182 stories !! (pink font means ive used a prompt)

. . . .

raindrops (an angel cried)

p1: "the day you left me, an angel cried"

angst/break up

....

blazed - travis barker

never let you go

p2: " i don't care who is listening cuz they be making fun of this on tv. they wouldn't laugh if they were inside my past life with you and they were me"

fluff / reassurance

.....

the light is coming

p3 "the light is coming to give back everything the darkness stole"

fluff

....

r.e.m - mark hoppus

excuse me, i love you

p4: " you're like: "i love you—who starts a conversation like that?" nobody, but i do. you are not a picture, i can't cut you up and hide you. i'll get you out my mind .. or try to. i just wanna stand and yell. i would never dare to tell. think i heard some wedding bells, shh, keep it to yourself. is this real? before you speak, don't move because i don't wanna wake up. "

fluff

....

God is a woman

p5: "you're different from the rest, and boy, if you confess, you might get blessed. see if you deserve what comes next."

fluff

....

sweetener

p6 "i don't know what i'd do without you in my life, it'd be so sour. i'm hoping that everybody can experience what we had in ours"

fluff

....

successful

p7: "tonight i'm a baller, babe. even way beneath it . what else is there to say 'stead of "you should play with me"?

smut???

....

everytime - tom delonge

back to you

<tom and y/n have a off and on relationship that has lasted for more than twenty years>

p8: "i get tired of your no-shows, you get tired of my control ... they keep telling me to let go, but i dont really let go when i say so ... you get high and call on the regular. i get weak and fall like a teenager. why, oh, why does God keep bringing me back to you? i get drunk, pretend that i'm over it. self-destruct, show up like an idiot. why, oh, why does God keep bringing me back to you?"

angst/fluff

....

breathin' - mark hoppus

p9: "you remind me of a time when things werent so complicated. all i need is to see your face."

fluff/angst

....

no tears left to cry - tom delonge

p10: "we way too fly to partake in all this hate, we out here vibing"

fluff/reassurance

....

borderline - travis barker

p11: "baby, i just want you to be mine. wont you give me a bit of your time? chasing you, no, i won't stop trying. just meet me at the borderline"

fluff

....

better off - tom delonge

p12: "i'd rather just watch you smoke and drink. steering clear of any headaches to start, and if we're being honest, i'd rather your body than half of your heart or jealous-ridden comments that come when you let in them feelings that i don't want"

angst

....

goodnight n go - tom delonge

stay with me

<tom misses a flight and stays

with his childhood best friend>

p13: "one of these days, you'll miss your train and come stay with me. we'll have drinks and talk about things and any excuse to stay awake with you. you'd sleep here, i'd sleep there, but then the heating may be down again - at my convenience. we'd be good, we'd be great together"

fluff

....

pete davidson - mark hoppus

ready for you

p14: "i thought you into my life. woah, look at my mind. no better place or a time. look how they align. universe must have my back. fell from the sky into my lap. i know you know that you my soulmate, and all that."

fluff

....

get well soon - mark hoppus

p15 "here's one thing you can trust: it takes you and me to make us. one of those days you had enough, i'll be there."

fluff/reassurance

[mightbeawriter]

Hey everybody, MightBeAWriter here. I just wanted to take a little time to clear the air a bit on something that I say regularly that a lot of folks seem to take issue with. The phrase (or phrases) in question are:

“I am not a writer.”

Or, on occasion,

“I am not a real writer.”

Now, before we rehash this argument (with or without the torches and pitchforks), let me just say, I’m aware of the arguments. Believe me, I am more than aware. This is not something that I say lightly, or to stir shit, or to get attention or, or, lordy I don’t even know what. Obviously, the literal definition of writer is, one who writes. Great, you really got me there. However, here is exactly what I mean, when I say that I am not one:

To me, a writer is someone that purposely crafts a story that they want to tell. They have an idea, they’re excited about it! They want to share it so they start putting it into words. They struggle with it until they finally find just the right shape of words to tell just the story that they want. Once they do that, then they want to make it better. Writers are constantly working to make their stories into art. They want the words they choose to have maximum impact, to leave indelible marks on the souls of those that read them.

Writers work hard at what they do. They put so much of themselves into their stories, you guys. I’ve talked with some of them, watched from the sidelines– my jaw literally hanging at times– as scenes written by real writers have gone from roughed in, to rearranged, to trimmed, to scrapped, to polished, to finished and nearly unrecognizable, and so beautiful that I could nearly cry reading them.

Writers are incessantly learning and tweaking and editing and improving and growing. They expand their vocabularies. They worry about their grammar. They have built (or are building, it’s a living process, I suppose) massive networks for themselves of resources for everything under the sun and holy crap you guys. The sheer amount of work and time and effort that goes into those stories is staggering. They are magical creatures, and I’m not even exaggerating.

Me? I can’t do that. I don’t want to. My stories/demons show up like stray cats. I like cats, so, as a responsible cat, er, story/demon owner, I’ll take them in, get them vaccinated, feed them up a bit and spay or neuter them. But once they’re on their feet, I’ll turn them loose again or rehome them. Preferably as quickly as possible, because if I don’t take them in and write them down then they hang from my window screens screaming and don’t let me sleep. Trust me, If I could get these little beauties out of my head any quicker with a hacksaw, a set of hinges, and a melon baller, I’d be at Home Depot faster than Uncle Eddie makes it to the dessert table at Christmas.

There are those that say ‘If you write, you’re a writer.’ That’s great. If that’s you, and you want to be a writer, then congratulations, you’re a writer! I’m all for choosing your own labels.

But that’s not me. I am a reader. I enjoy the stories my demons bring me. I love reading them once I’m done suffering through the prying-them-out-of-my-brain part. For me, (and again, personal preference here) calling myself a writer when it’s not something I aspire to, not something I ever wanted to do, and certainly not something I would ever willingly do if I had any choice whatsoever in the matter, seems like an enormous slap in the face to those who put so much of their own heart, soul, and near literal blood, sweat, and tears into the stories that we (and they) love so much.

So, long story (what, from me? Shocker, I know) short: To me, calling myself a writer because I’m putting words on a page so I’m allowed to sleep at night would be the same as calling myself Disney just because I’ve got mice living in my house. I get why some of you are determined for me to claim the title of writer. But I do hope this little blurb will help you understand why I can’t. Won’t. (Both.)

[knightotoc]

Decisive victory for Chandrila! We're all waiting at the mailbox for our invitations to Leida's horrible wedding!

Write-ins:

Ryloth: the Twi'lek planet, which has its own interesting politics and geography; last seen briefly in The Bad Batch, but explored more in the old Quinlan Vos comics

more Coruscant/Coruscant under city: I'm sure S2 will have more Coruscant, but which parts? Will we get to see what became of the Jedi Temple, Padme's penthouse, or the club that Anakin should have been at?

Dantooine: a baller planet, what a brilliant suggestion! Thane Kyrell follows Leia's lead there in a memorable canonical scene, but there's even more in Legends: the homeplanet of Exar Kun, Revan, and this heartbreaking theme by Mark Griskey:

Ghorman: most known for its massacre, in which Tarkin landed his ship on a crowd of protestors, Ghorman would be a fantastic setting to humanize the Empire's victims, which is Andor's highest priority

Jedha/Scarif/Yavin: it would be great to get more dramatic irony for Cassian's terrible fate!

Wobani: is Felicity Jones down for a parallel storyline?

[noodyl-blasstal]

Scamming me, scamming you chapter 2

Kravitz is just trying to save the world and google his way through interpersonal interactions.

Read here or on A03.

Chapter one here

___________________

Kravitz had wondered if the email was too heavy handed, but a small part of him hoped he could shame the scammer into quitting. They weren’t as awful as some of the other ones he’d encountered, or, at least, they were much less skilled. To be honest, they usually tried a bit harder. Maybe this person was already working a few different marks? Kravitz made a mental note to step it up, there wasn’t much point in replying if he wasn’t distracting the scammer. He should probably mention being incredibly wealthy and emotionally vulnerable at some point… in a totally natural way.

From: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com To: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.mail Subject: RE: YOU’VE BAGGED YOURSELF A PRIZE! Body: Ooooh, so you’re basically just perfect then? Hottie who loves to help people. I’m not sure a simple idiot chef can match up, thank goodness I’m so gorgeous. I do love my job though, it’s nice to make people happy with cooking. I’m hoping to get my own food truck soon and stop having to work for other people. No one else has the vision for the full T-Experience!

So what else do you do aside from defending people from evil doers and being super smart?

T.

That was more like what Kravitz expected. Here was the flirting, and the food truck? He was sure that there’d be an emergency with that soon which required some emergency money. Thank goodness T’s devoted boyfriend would be there to help fund his dream. Kravitz shook his head, and glared as he hit reply. Time to play this scammer like he should be playing his cello right now.

From: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.mail To: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com Subject: RE: YOU’VE BAGGED YOURSELF A PRIZE! Body: You’re very flattering, T! Thank you so much for your kind words - I appreciate it very much, although I’m not convinced I’m quite the person you paint such a beautiful portrait of.

I also get the feeling you’re not an “idiot” as you profess, it certainly takes a lot of intelligence to cook - I’m convinced I could burn cereal. The food truck sounds like a really interesting idea. What kind of food would you make?

I have to admit that I do spend a lot of time working, it makes it hard to meet people, but thankfully my colleagues are lovely. It’s not great for dating though! I never know where to meet people… My colleagues are exceedingly married even if they aren’t officially dating. On the upside, working all the time means I don’t have time to spend any money! Great news for retirement. How about you? What do you like doing when you’re not cooking?

Kravitz.

There, that would do it. It told T he was single, didn’t have any prospects, was isolated from people, and had money. It may also have been a little bit true, but that didn’t matter.

From: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com To: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.mail Subject: RE: YOU’VE BAGGED YOURSELF A PRIZE! Body: Hey, don’t doubt me. I know what I’m talking about. You’re a catch!

Burning cereal sounds like a specialist skill, my guy. I’d love to see you in action. If it’s as impressive as I’m imagining, I might fully pivot from the Mexican food I had planned into the flaming cereal market! Bet it’d go down well on instagram.

Working all of the time is definitely tempting when you’re committed to something. I can only imagine I’ll be working all the hours soon. I'm a baller chef so things will pick up fast once I get going! Hopefully the money will happen after that. Right now I’m working every shift I can get my hands on in the hope of escape. I usually love to fish, but I haven’t done that in a long time. It’d be nice to go again sometime.

Sounds like we both need to find some free time!

T.

Kravitz was pleased, the emails were much more substantial than the first one and the replies were quick. He had the scammer on the hook! The replies kept coming. This guy was good, (Kravitz was fairly sure it was a guy), he really could choose to believe that T liked him. Thankfully Kravitz was too smart for that.

It wasn’t until three months in that he realised he knew T’s schedule. T hadn’t emailed yet and that meant he was working through his break again. Kravitz sent a conciliatory message telling him to look after himself before he even thought about it. T worked too hard and he didn’t get paid enough, he basically ran that place and Jenkins got to take all the credit? It wasn’t right. T deserved better… But, T wasn’t real. He was a dream manufactured to pull Kravitz’s walls down and take advantage of him, he was a reflection of things Kravitz said, things they thought he’d like. It was okay though, he was strong enough to do this, he just had to remember that it wasn’t real. He kind of wanted it to be real.

______________________________________________________________

Taako washed his hands as fast as possible and grabbed for his phone, his hair felt ready to crawl off his head and he definitely had flour streaked across his face after the mixer-incident, but priorities. Now that it was finally happening, he had no idea why he had put off speaking to Krav (it was only fair that Taako got to give him a nickname too) for so long. It was just, well, nice? Talking about stuff was easier if you didn’t have to look at anyone while you did it.

Obviously Lup and Barry told him lots about Kravitz, Taako knew that he was working with them on an extended project doing something good for humanity which involved computers. Taako knew that he bought his lunch every day because he was a terrible cook (not because he specifically asked Lup about that or anything, he wasn’t planning on cooking for the guy). Taako knew that Krav asked about Taako too, but probably just in the polite ‘asking questions about your colleagues’ family to show I was okay after that time I got skeeved out when they hit on me because I thought they were you’ kind of way. But now, they could just ask each other stuff? Maybe, maybe now that Kravitz knew he wasn’t Lup, and knew he was still interested (Taako was laying it on thick, okay?), they’d actually be able to try going for a date or something? Taako was pretty convinced he could sit across a table from this guy and hold a conversation without panicking or staring too hard at him.

Taako’s face warmed when he saw there were two emails waiting for him - one continuing the conversation that had been running for months, and another sweet one hoping that he got a break soon. Krav was such a dork, he’d learned his schedule? Taako was not used to anyone outside of the family caring so much. He quickly ducked out of his apron, wrestled it into the bag he grabbed from his cubby, and wormed into his jacket as he finally escaped out the back door.

Before he replied, he took a moment to lean against the miserable grey wall outside the restaurant. Today’s shift had been hellish. Between shitty customers, missing ingredients, and the mixer refusing to do its one job, Taako just needed a minute to feel human again. He let his head thunk back against the brick and let the cool sensation seep into his skin. He was off the clock now and he had a whole day and a half to himself. Maybe tomorrow he could just casually drop by and surprise Lup and Barry with lunch? It would just be a happy coincidence if he saw anyone else while he was there and maybe just possibly happened to have something spare for them… Taako always over catered.

From: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com To: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.mail Subject: RE: Take a break Body: Hey Krav, chaboy really appreciates you, you know? No breaks for me, only mixer wrestling, cleaning up the resulting flour explosion, trying very hard not to fight the customers, and working out how to make our signature dish without three of the ingredients (I did it because I’m amazing, natch.)

Did you have a good day?

I’ll reply to the other message later, but right now chaboy’s going home for the world’s longest bath.

T xxx

So, maybe the kisses had crept back in after Lup’s first disaster message, and maybe they’d increased slightly over time. But Krav was nice and he had reciprocated too. Reply sent, Taako couldn’t wait to go submerge himself, it was probably the only way he was going to feel remotely human again. There was no chance the shitty shower would hold out long enough for that to happen, and he had to look his best tomorrow… for no reason.

_______________________________________________________

Kravitz kept waiting for the request for money to come. Surely T would have had a terrible accident or needed some money for his best friend’s sick chinchilla or something? He hadn’t even gotten a massive inheritance he wanted to share but just needed a little bit of money to help him with the court costs to release it. It never came. Bad things happened to him, it had been months, of course some bad things happened, but mostly he just shared them, joked about them, and moved on. Like today, the mixer had been giving them trouble for weeks and the manager refused to release funds to replace it. That was the perfect time to ask, Kravitz probably would have paid for one too if he didn’t know what was going on. Kitchen stuff didn’t cost that much, right? Plus, T deserved it. He was great at what he did and he should have the right equipment to use. It was strange that he hadn't used the opportunity to grift Kravitz.

The timeline didn’t really fit with anything that Kravitz had read about romance scams either. T should be declaring his love by now, but aside from adding a few kisses into his messages here and there, he hadn’t done that either. Crafty bastard was clearly pioneering some new technique. Kravitz wasn’t sure what to do, it was important to know how the scams developed over time, and T was easy to talk to so it wasn’t even remotely taxing to keep up the distraction. Plus, selfishly, it was nice to speak to someone. Kravitz enjoyed his job, he was good at it, but it was hard to work out how to meet people around his schedule. Yes, he could definitely work less hours, and okay, he could take less work home, but how did you even make friends as an adult anyway? It was basically just dating and he’d always sucked at dating. Regardless of the type of relationship you were trying to form with someone you had to get to know each other and navigate the awkward stages. You did small talk, and then tried to make it big talk, or going for a coffee, and it was hard to know where to go from there. In college, sleepovers just happened because he lived in the city, taxis were expensive, and the bus service was terrible. You could just cuddle your friends and it was platonic and fine. But when you got older it was harder to navigate those boundaries and know when and how to even try asking. Did adults still have sleepovers and sleep together if it wasn’t about sleeping together? No one really talked about it. Maybe he should ask T…

Kravitz did have friends, Lup and Barry were his friends, but that certainly hadn’t been simple. He worked with them, so they were always around, a captive audience worked best for his social skills. They started by talking about work, and okay, he absolutely came off as a pompous prick, but they kept ignoring University policy. After a particularly tense meeting which led to a scolding by senior management, Barry, looking exhausted, suggested they go and get pizza. Barry was a smart man. By the time they’d demolished pizzas, garlic knots, and scolded Barry for ‘forgetting’ to order the dairy free cheese, they couldn’t exactly remember what their issue was. From that point on, Kravitz had friends. They chatted in work, they went out for coffee, and grabbed dinner together. Barry went to gigs with him; he and Lup told Barry they were watching incomprehensibly artsy movies and then trashed terrible rom coms on Netflix. But Lup and Barry were busy people, and Kravitz didn’t want to solely rely on them for company, so a lot of the time he just did things by himself, or at a distance with Sloane back in Goldcliff. Lup and Barry asked him to group events regularly, but he was so terrible with people that he never went. They had to learn to get on with him, the others had a choice in the matter.

Perhaps this situation with T was highlighting that what he had right now wasn’t enough, that he was more lonely than he realised? Maybe he should take Barry and Lup up on the next invitation? If he liked them then it made sense he’d also like the people they liked. It would be nice to meet Taako again if nothing else. He loved hearing stories about him and Lup always had plenty. In fact, he was a chef too… Bollocks. Was he just projecting with T? Was that the real reason he was so interested in talking to him? A chef whose name began with T who (said he) was beautiful, basically the same man. Yeah, definitely more of a reason to accept an invite. Seeing Taako again would be good, it would be nice to have a do-over after the Candlenights party situation. To be fair to Kravitz, Lup hadn’t mentioned that she had a brother, let alone that they were identical twins and shared a wardrobe. He definitely wished she’d clarified in advance… although was it weird to have a crush on the identical twin of his colleague? Another good reason to never interact with people ever again. Interacting with T was safe, that was just keeping him preoccupied so he couldn’t do crime. Interacting with T was a public service, it didn’t matter what T thought of him because he was just trying to scam him! T wouldn’t care if he looked the same as his sister and Kravitz still fancied him, because T wasn’t real.

From: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.mail To: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com Subject: Question Body: T, do adults still have sleepovers? Krav xxx

May as well get some answers to his questions in the process.

From: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com To: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.mail Subject: RE: Question Body: Well good morning to you, Krav. Buy me dinner and we’ll see what we can do. T xxx

Oh... That wasn't... Fuck.

That also shouldn’t be such an interesting offer. Sure they'd chatted about sex a bit, but that was just part of the scam. So were the photos. Kravitz wrestled the flutter of excitement about seeing T down. This wasn't about anything but doing a good deed. Yes, he definitely should have clarified platonic sleepovers, but he couldn’t do that now, it was too awkward. Although... he asked for dinner, maybe this was T asking him for money? Was it finally happening? Maybe at dinner Kravitz could confront him and make him stop doing crimes? Yeah. This was important for public safety. The only sensible and logical option here was to play along.

From: Kravitz.MacLir@raven.mail To: sizzleitup69420@gmail.com Subject: RE: Question Body: I could be persuaded to do that, Krav xxx

He turned his phone over so he couldn’t see the screen. Glanced nervously at it. Turned it back over. Thought better of it, and lobbed it into his desk drawer. He didn’t need to think about that right now. He had actual research to get on with.

Kravitz was fully absorbed in a case study, reams of notes next to him with different concepts highlighted and research topics which might give him further context. He’d barely noticed that he’d missed coffee break and almost lunch until Lup knocked and poked her head round the door. “Hey Kravitz, just need a quick word.” She walked in and closed the door behind her. That wasn’t a good sign, that meant it was serious.

“Is everything okay?” Kravitz asked, nervously. Usually Lup would just invite him to lunch or offer a drink from the doorway, any serious meetings happened in the Bluejeans-Taaco office because it was bigger.

“Absolutely, we just need to have a quick chat about the massive crush you have on my brother because he’s on his way in.” Lup kicked her legs up onto the table and didn’t look even the slightest bit phased by the topic of conversation. Kravitz debated exactly how mortified he’d have to be to expire on the spot. He didn’t think he was far away from it.

“I.. You… I don’t… It’s…” Kravitz replied, eloquently.

“Uh huh, great point.” Lup replied. “Anyway, so he’s on his way and I wanted to warn you so you could get used to that idea because I know surprises aren’t a thing you do well with.” Lup didn’t say it with malice, and she was absolutely right. Kravitz did not do well with surprises.

“I don’t have… I’m… He’s coming here?” Kravitz was definitely thinking in whole sentences. They just didn’t seem to be making it out of his face right. “Am I that obvious?” Of course, of course that would be the sentence he could do. The one admitting he fancied her brother.

“Oh, my guy.” Lup shook her head. “You’ve been asking for stories about him every day for at least six months.” She still didn’t look angry. Kravitz was relieved, but still not entirely ready to go down without a fight.

“It’s just polite to ask about your friends’ family!” Kravitz said, he knew he was right. It was absolutely fine to do that, he’d considered it a lot because he knew he asked about Taako a lot. It was definitely okay though, because it was his friend’s sibling and you were allowed to do that - he’d Googled it and it said it was polite and showed an interest in their lives.

“Uh huh, what’s Barry’s sister’s name?” Lup’s grin was evil, with good reason. Did Barry have a sister? Kravitz didn’t think he had a sister… Wait, no, he’d got it!

“Jean!” Kravitz replied triumphantly. Lup stared at him wide eyed for a long moment before she howled with laughter. Okay, maybe that wasn’t the right answer. Lup was gasping for breath and Kravitz was fairly sure he saw a tear rolling down her cheek.

“Just… Just to clarify, Professor Kravitz. Multiple PhDs, many publications, foremost expert in his field.” Lup began, pausing occasionally to choke back a laugh. This definitely couldn’t be good news for him. “Just so we’re on the same page. I’m going to repeat this back to you.”

Kravitz nodded quickly hoping this would be over soon. Maybe it wouldn’t become a story? It would be nice if it didn’t become a story.

“You think the sister of the esteemed Professor Barry Bluejeans is called Jean Bluejeans?” Lup let the silence hang a second. “Jean Bluejeans.” She repeated.

“I… was joking?” Kravitz tried.

“Swing and a miss, my guy. There’s absolutely no escape from this one. You’re on your own with my brother, I have to tell Barold about his new sibling.” Lup leapt up, still laughing as she fled the room.

Kravitz sighed. Okay, so Barry didn’t have a sibling. Well, at least he didn’t have to feel guilty for forgetting her name… just for being the least subtle man in the universe. Wait… Had Lup told Taako? Did he know? Oh goddess, maybe Kravitz could just hide under his desk until they went away? Maybe there was a Wiki How for this situation?

Kravitz checked, there was not a Wiki How for the situation.

[rogue-rook]

wheel of time book rankings

eye of the world: hard to rank bc it was doing the most important work of the series, hooking the reader, but it was already weakened by robby j’s inability to edit and complicated worldbuilding. redeemed by the fact that the worldbuilding and characters really do hold your attention, and the sense that he already had some idea of where this story is going. probably would be higher if hadn't taken half the book to get the group out of emond's field, 3/5

the great hunt: rand’s group goes in circles, but we do get the ball rolling on the forsaken and perrin’s storyline starts off interesting. the seanchan storyline begins and will continue to be a horrorshow, but falme is a good finale, so 3/5.

the dragon reborn: the white tower developments will consistently be delightful, and the battle in the stone of tear is absolutely a banger. 4/5

shadow rising: a high water mark. we get the redstone door for mat, perrin gets some good character development in emond’s field, nynaeve goes apeshit on moghedian in tanchico, and the aiel waste storyline for rand, aviendha, and egwene remains unbeatable, 5/5

the fires of heaven: the loss of moiraine makes me sad, and the nynaeve and elayne chapters essentially become a travelogue advertisement for robby j’s worldbuilding, but the white tower coup, the cairhien battle, and mat looney-tunes-ing his way into a generalship redeem it, 4/5

lord of chaos: nothing will ever beat egwene chapters and salidar is no exception. we also get the absolutely baller asha’man, political intrigue with the aiel, sea folk, and aes sedai factions, and the battle of dumai’s wells, 4/5

crown of swords: damages are owed to me for the entire mat in ebou dar storyline which starts here, but rand and egwene dealing with their respective aes sedai helps redeem this book. we also get the mashiara chapter, which I reread probably four times before I kept going in the book. 3/5

the path of daggers: the kin and sea folk are legitimately interesting and egwene seizing her rightful authority would never not be the best part of any of the books, but the lack of mat and the stalemates that rand gets into with the seanchan and perrin with masema weakens this one pretty bad. 2/5

winter’s heart: okay we are seriously starting to drag. I don’t care about the shaido or masema or the seanchan in ebou dar, but the battle of shadar logoth helps this one. 2/5

crossroads of twilight: 30 chapters of nothing, 1/5

new spring: 5/5, no notes. a high water mark when read in publication order

knife of dreams: this entire book should have been egwene in the white tower, but at least we got done with the perrin v shaido stuff, mat back with the red band, galad finally being interesting, and nynaeve rallying the golden crane. 2/5

gathering storm: gawyn sucks, the seanchan suck, egwene rules, rand and nynaeve might have the most meaningful relationship of all our main characters, and the last eleven chapters of the book is just an unbelievable run of good storytelling. I could barely put this book down, 4/5

towers of midnight: perrin stops whining, egwene gets her chance at defeating a forsaken, nynaeve proves she’s better than all the other aes sedai, and mat finally gets moiraine back into the story! very good stage setting, 5/5

a memory of light: sticking the landing is the most important component of a story, and brandy sandy was given an impossible job, but somehow you forget how impossible the job really was because he did that well with the ending. 5/5

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: Miraculous World Shanghai: The Legend of Lady Dragon

Spoilers below.

-OH some lore!

-Wow for Shifu, his students got bought out.

-OMG ITS THE JERK IS THE GUY AT THE END OF THE NY SPECIAL. Interesting

-BABY FEI!

-HE DIED! WTF

-She got robbed. So she failed badly

-Like the intro to this. Damn its crisp

-So Marinette is living her best life right now. Love that ladybug and chat noir bonding.

-Marinette gotta deliver a gift to the post office for her uncle.

-ADRIEN IS IN SHANGHAI!

-Marinetter got a lot of information on Adrien, some of which I'm question means of which she acquired. XD

-So Marinette realized she could use the gift delivery as a chance to maybe meet up with Adrien. That isn't really that bad. Its actually really clever.

-Gorilla is best boy.

-Adrien just wants to spend time with his dad. F*** YOU Gabriel.

-Oh damn! Gabriel has the Prodigious! And apparently its more powerful than the miraculous? WTF. Nooru knows about this

-Gabriel of course sucks and won't listen. Because Gabriel is a desperate whore.

-what do you MEAN 15 years ago? Gabriel how deep is this evil hole

-Marinette honey no, I love her. but wow. Her parents are so happy tho.

-Marinette's parents are the best. STOP SALTING THEM.

-Her uncle is so happy to see her.

-Marinette, APPRECIATE YOUR UNCLE!

-I love The uncle.

-Gabriel is such a jerk. Adrien just wants to spend time with him.

-Oh wow the restaurant looks great.

-CHENG LORE! ALSO SABINE IS SO CUTE AS A KID.

-SABINE'S REAL NAME IS XIA PING! I am so happy to know this!

-He is making good points. She could get lost.

-Marinette tracking him. also Kwami speak all languages. Neat

-I just realized... did neither ladybug or chat noir tell each other that they are out of Paris?

-Adrien out with his dad (Gorilla) for walk is precious.

-PROTECT GORILLA HE IS A BEAN!

-Oh Gabriel being a jerk. what else is new?

-How does Gabriel know about this all? I am so confused.

-Fei is back. She is strong. Also She is a kind person.

-Oh no... she is actually trying to rob people.

-Oh she can disguise herself.

-And GABRIEL STILL SUCKS

-PLAGG is still Plagg. I missed seeing plagg.

- So if Marinette had stayed at the restaurant and chilled with her uncle. ADRIEN WOULD HAVE SHOWED UP. This is what happens when you are TOO THIRSTY!

-Marinette found him.

-and Fei just robbed her. Like HOW DID MARINETTE GET ROBBED SO EASILY?! Marinette is confirmed easy mark.

-Marinette she just robbed her don't help her

-and marinette just realized she is LOST IN SHANGHAI!

-Oh damn Fei is kicks butt.

-Adrien is so happy Marinette is in Shanghai! Thats so sweet. The Uncle ships it. The Bird ships it.

-Adrien you are a sweet bean. But I want to sock you for calling her just a friend.

-HOLD UP, HOW CAN GORILLA HAVE AN EAGLE action figure. Isn't this special suppose to take place between season 2 and 3? I am so confused.

-Marinette is lost, and she is lost.

-ADRIEN BONDING WITH HIS FUTURE IN-LAWS

-Adrien just confirmed she is always late.

-The old lady trying to help. Thats so nice.

-Fei, that guy is the d-bag that screwed over your adoptive dad!

-Guy is such a d-bag

-So Fei was being a jerk.

-Oh they are trying to return the necklace.

-Oh Fei speaks French, how convenient

-Fei feels guilty. GOOD

-Goriila is a bean.

-OH THEY ARE WORRIED.

-ADRIEN GONNA SEARCH FOR HIS FRIEND! YES! MARICHAT TIME.

-Chat noir transformation remix! Nice.

-They are making the police efficient here.

-Well Fei is gonna keep feeling guilty about this.

-Chat noir making Parisian heroes look good.

-Fei is gonna feel super guilty about this.

-THE PARROT IS SENTIENT!

-They found the earrings.

-Fei is pissed.

-Tikki found Marinette.

-Fei got fast hands

-Fei redemption arc now.

-OH NO, THE GUY REALIZED IT.

-Fei gonna fight them.

-THE GUYS FROM EARLIER!? They are great.

-Chat noir calling ladybug out of concern for marinette. So cute.

-Gabriel is such an a**hole. He remembered Marinette but not his own son.

-Fei revealing origins now. Oh damn.

-The guy is the one who ruined everything.

-Liar revealed. What a shock (not)

-So this guy is gonna be akumatized. Well he is a jerk. Gabriel knows how to pick em.

-FEI! KICK HIM AGAIN!

-King Money?! NICE NAME.

-Oh damn King Money looks boss as heck.

-Ladybug is finally here.

-I saw that sigh. You love your kitty Ladybug.

-That ladynoir is so strong.

-Fei is pretty boss.

-Oh no! THEY GONNA OPEN THE VAULT.

-I love that vault. The cave looks sweet.

-The guy realized it, kind of a smart man.

-What was Hawkmoth planning for 15 years?!

-Oh damn that power! Oh snap.

-The dragon guard look sick.

-Hawkmoth pulling a baller move with that. Like "B**** I aint fighting your guardian."

-Ladybug on the scene.

-Fei unlocked the power.

-WOW LADY DRAGON LOOKS REALLY COOL. And the Renlings looks kind of cool. Prodigious seems interesting.

-Renlings, the spirits of Human values. And, most of them look better than the Kwami, except plagg. Plagg is the best.

-Oh wow so they have neat requirements.

-SHE CAN SHAPE SHIFT! AMAZING

-I WANT THE PRODIGEOUS

-Only noble people can use the dragon.

-Revenge aint noble

-CHAT NOIR TO THE RESCUE!

-HE AKUMATIZED THE DRAGON GUARD GUY!

-Yan Woshi! OH DAMN, HAWKMOTH BE PLAYING FOR KEEPS!?

-This akuma maybe one of the best ones yet.

-HE LOOKS SO COOL.

-PLOT TWIST! HAWKMOTH ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT HIS SON FOR ONCE! I am shook.

-HAWKMOTH GOT THANOSED. So Hawkmoth cares instantly loses. XD

-"Is that good news or bad news?" Chat noir, you are right. But thats your dad

-RUN ITS NOT GODZILLA!

-Ladybug and Chat noir getting their butt kicked.

-Fei also getting wrecked.

-Zag confirmed furry

-Fei just left them high and dry.

-And Chat noir is dead! ANGST.

-Ladybug gonna talk some sense into her.

-The mascara smeared. Thats real sadness.

-Cue power of friendship talk.

-Fei saves her with the power of friendship.

-dragon v. dragon fight!

-Oh I like this lucky charm.

- Yaloshi is his name now? (these subs are confusing)

-Oh snap, the power of team work! And fighting in the belly of the beast.

-THAT LADYNOIR HUG.

-They tied up the guy.

-Fei should have killed the guy.

-Meishi is adorable.

-I LOVE THIS LITTLE CONVERSATION. THEY ARE GONNA PRETEND TO RACE. and then show up later.

-Oh fei, marinette AND Adrien are celebrating his birthday. Thats cute.

-They BOTH SAID IT! I Cant even! (also I see you Adrien, you aint slick)

-The boys crushing on Fei.

-Adrien has such soft looks for Marinette.

____________________________________________________________

So overall. The beginning was a tiny bit cringe, but not as bad as the trailer made it out to be.

I really liked Fei. She grows on ya. And I liked Lady dragon. I liked the renlings

I will say it is a better special in terms of Lore and plot than the NY special. It was lacking in the love square interactions that I wanted. But they were still cute when they had them. I do think there are a few plot holes, like Eagle being an action figure. WHEN DID THIS SPECIAL TAKE PLACE. (Edit, found out it was an animation error, NVM)

Also, now the elephant in the room? Was the special racist?

The answer is, no.

It wasn't racist, so we can all calm down about it?

So I give it an 8/10

The lore being my favorite parts.

[absolmon]

Sorry this took so long! So I'll preface this by saying I'm far from an expert on Vtuber's so this is probably going to be a little vague and general. I just know what I like from clips and the like and what some of the Vtuber's I watch occasionally say about it. I recommend Squiji for some good info on Vtuber design and behind the scenes stuff. I'm imagining that our girl Shen Yuan is more of a hobbyist indie Vtuber, so we don't have to worry to much about anything too high tech. She'll mostly need a great PC and an Iphone, but I figure we're still working with her being a rich kid so the costs are pretty negligible. She's not in this for the money but I figure she runs a Patreon for a book fund and to have extra money to commission assets and art. I'm kind of imagining her as someone like Monarch where she has very elegant and pretty model but her personality is all gremlin.

I'm imagining her model is kind of combo of the Vtuber Laimu and Xianyun from Genshin Impact. (I have an entire crack fic idea of Xianyun being Peerless Cucumber and Airplane's mystical crane soul baby but this isn't the time.) In my head her model looks mostly like Xianyun but like Laimu's color scheme and some adorable cat ears and a fluffy tail. One of her major accessories is a fan which she can toggle to have different emotes on it.

A lot of Vtuber's have nicknames for their communities, so I think it would be funny if her fans were called Melon Ballers. The little mascot that she uses to represent them with a fat honeydew melon cat. Vtuber's also have this thing called an oshi mark that their fans can put in their profiles to show their support and I'm imagining hers is 🍈🥒 a melon and a cucumber. She claims she chose the cucumber because her favorite sandwich is a cucumber and cream cheese sandwich, but her fans know the real truth (she's a sucker for penis jokes).

Most of her content is her edited videos bashing bad books but she does streams when school is on break. Most of the streams are playing painfully horny games and chewing them out or her viewers submit writing to try and get her to freakout. Her subscriber specials involve her doing dramatic readings of the worst passages from books she's read. She doesn't do a lot of collabs but occasionally she'll participate in group challenges. I imagine she's been courted by a few agencies but she likes teaching and having her artistic freedom.

I'm just having a lot brain worms about this, feel free to ask me for any specifics! Also don't feel like you need to include all of this, I'm just having fun. Your story is making me super excited, I can't wait to see more.

Hey, would you be alright with me dropping my ideas for Shen Yuan’s Vtuber persona onto you, or would that be disruptive?

PLEASE DO!! 😭 i was JUST thinking that i would have to write to you bc i realised that i actually don't know how vtubers work 💀

[salmonid-ink]

Let’s talk about Salmonid intelligence!

There seems to be a wide misconception that Salmonids aren’t intelligent, or at the very least, aren’t as smart as Octolings or Inklings. This idea couldn’t be farther from the truth! And because I’m the Resident Salmonid Fanatic™ it’s my job to talk about this. 

In hopes to make people consider and think of Salmonids in a better light, and NOT as pets, I’m going to do my best to pull evidence from in-game, as well as interviews, that imply or outright confirm that Salmonids are sapient, much like our beloved Octolings and Inklings. 

To start, I’d like to touch on their interactions with other creatures, namely their trade deal with the Octarians. It’s hard to argue for Salmonids not being intelligent when you consider the confirmed fact that they actively trade with other creatures to benefit the both of them.

They exchange their useful Power Eggs (and perhaps vegetables and fruits) to the Octarians for mechanical blueprints, weapons, and machine parts (and potentially tentacle cuts for food). We can wager this trade deal has been going on for a long time, as the Salmonids are fitted to the gills with machinery, and you can make the argument that the Octomaw was inspired by Maws!

While the Salmonids could easily take these blueprints and make the machines exactly as the Octarians planned them, these fish take it one step beyond and put their own twist on things! With their intellect, they’ve customized traditional weapons to suit them better, and the examples can be seen in just about every boss you encounter. 

Ink Storm + Brella -> Drizzler

Sting Ray -> Stinger

Ink Jet + Tenta Missiles -> Flyfish

Splash Wall -> Steel Eel

Baller/Splashdown   -> Steelhead

Shielded Octotrooper + Roller  -> Scrapper

Octocopter -> Chinook

Flooder -> Griller

Octo Seeker -> Mothership

Additionally, they are INSANELY resourceful, able to use any scrap of metal or machinery to make their contraptions, and make them decently reliable. Not to mention the fact that Scrappers are able to repair their cars! On the fly! All while under fire! That takes dedication AND smarts!!

Not to mention the fact that Smallfry, who could very well be babies (and I will argue that they are, as there is no benefit to stunting the growth of ANY creature), are able to pilot Flyfish. They were raised just right in the best environment, and now they’re super smart!

Also, Salmonids are crazy creative, with how they’ve incorporated their cookware into their weaponry. They take their aesthetic to the next level, man.

Next, lest talk about their homes!

It’s vastly clear that they have their own society. At the very least, we can take a glimpse of it with their houses. The Lost Outpost (known as the Colony at Sea in Japan) is a great example of this!

While these houses look like they were cobbled together with recycled parts, which falls in line with Salmonid resourcefulness, they are clearly stable living spaces that were built by he Salmonids themselves with ocean living and fishing in mind. 

Additionally, towards the back of the stage, we can see another house with a city on the horizon. While this is purely speculation, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to believe that this city is Salmonid-owned. The areas you go to are claimed to be restricted ocean zones, and given that you’re so far out that you need a house-sized radio dish just to communicate, it’s hard to believe that the city would be owned by anyone else. 

I think these city-based homes would be owned by Salmonids that work with machinery, such as repairmen and mechanics. This could also include artisans! Farmers would obviously live in more rural areas, where they can plant and grow their crops. 

We can also glean a similar idea from the Spawning Grounds (called the Salmonid Dam in many other languages): 

I will argue until the day I die that the dam found in the Spawning Grounds, as well as the adjacent city, belongs to the Salmonids, as evidence by its proximity to the stage, the green water pouring from the dam, and the very clear Salmonid mark on it.

Whether this city was built by them, or it’s one they took ahold of and built upon during one of their past migrations is yet to be determined, seeing my speculations are even true. Either way, it’s clear that the Salmonids are capable of building structures and homes with ease!

If we talk about their homes, even if this is much more on the speculative end, we’ve also GOT to talk about the factory we can see at Marooner’s Bay:

Again, given the proximity to Salmonid territory, as well as the various Salmonid-themed items around the stage, we can speculate that these factories are Salmonid owned, and perhaps where they work on many of their machines and devices.

Things such as Scrapper Cars, Steel Eels, Flyfish jets, Grillers, and Motherships could be constructed here, or this place could be used for processing water or chemicals! It’s a rather vague factory, so again, this is all theoretical. I haven’t a clue what they do here. 

Next let’s talk about their art. The existence of art alone should be enough of an indicator that they have minds to think and feel with! Especially when their designs are as intricate as these:

The most of these can be seen around the Lost Outpost and Spawning Grounds, but every single stage has a few of these markings floating around. I don’t currently have many in-stage caps on hand, but if you take the time to look around, you’ll find a few on the ground and walls!

While a lot of these are very clearly graffiti markings, the intricate designs may have some meaning. While we haven’t a clue what exactly they mean, or what they represent, I think they’re extremely fascinating, and give us a peek into what culture Salmonids have. 

They’re likely made with stencils, but all the same, they were designed carefully, and must hold SOME significance.

I have a theory that these designs are primarily to mark specific territories. Perhaps certain marks mean different schools and families! Or some of them could be warnings, such as to indicate Grizz activity (such as with the bear icon, which appears in a few stages). 

I believe in part, these are a form of expression, ESPECIALLY if they indicate schools. There are so many unique fish-shaped designs, it’d be cool to see how these correlate to individual groups!

They could also be a visual indicator for Inklings and Cephalopods that, yes, this is Salmonid territory, so you’d best stay away! Because while it’d be easy for a Salmonid to tell what area belongs to who by smell alone, Inklings certainly don’t have that luxury!

At any rate, I’d love to see what personal art looks like for Salmonids. What kind of crafts do they make? What sort of things do they love to paint? We don’t really know, and we can only speculate...

One thing we know for certain is that Salmonids appreciate music. It even seems as though they’re inspired by it, given the descriptions that the Salmon Run songs have.

I feel like this is worth stating, even if their existence is fairly common knowledge: ω-3. A band. That plays complex instruments. And does all their own mixing. 

Pretty freakin’ smart, I must say!

Additionally, each of the members have VASTLY different styles. The Cellist is stern and stubborn, and won’t accept anything but the best, be it in passion or in radical works. The timpanist is soulful, passionate, and is straight to the point. The DJ is reckless and disrespectful, yet puts forth his best effort.

All three of them are so unalike to one another in style and personality. They may not even get along that well, but at the end of the day, they value working together SO MUCH that they make amazing, unique, and great-sounding songs that stir and inspire their people. 

It’d be amazing to see what other types of music that Salmonids like, because this can’t be the only kind. However the style of  ω-3 certainly goes hand-in-hand with the chaotic, resourceful, and determined nature of the Salmonids. 

We should also touch up on the fact that Salmonids are stated to have tradition. Aside from their 70-year migration, they’re also stated to pass cookware from generation to generation in Sunken Scroll #19.

"Salmonids are known to keep their weapons in tip-top shape. The frying pans they wield have often been passed down from generation to generation. You can see the unwavering pride of these fierce warriors in their (somewhat crazed) eyes."

I like to think that they also pass things like recipes and other tools down to their offspring and kin. Family and schools on the whole appear to be very important to them, which ties directly into their drive to work together as a unit, rather than separately as a makeshift team.

For some conventional evidence, look at this one bit from the Merry Fishmas piece, posted by official Splatoon sources: 

I LOVE this image, and there are so many tiny details that you can make out in this. Such as these two:

THEY ARE PLAYING CARDS, and this ain’t no dogs playing poker bit, either! It looks like the other one is losing really bad... Or going into a food coma. One way or another, the other Salmonid is trying to check up on them, haha. Or maybe they’re trying to sneak a peek at the other’s cards? Who knows! That sly grin tells a story.

Also, there’s this Goldie, who is fishing:

These are all pretty human-like characteristics, which makes me think, all the more, that they’re on par with Inklings intelligence wise. I REALLY want to see more interactions like this someday, it fills my heart with delight and joy.

Phew.. Well, thank you so much for sticking with me through this whole thing. I hope this helps people get more perspective on Salmonids, and what little we know about their community and culture. 

[sttngfashion]

5.26 and 6.1 - Time’s Arrow

Oh my god. Y’all. It’s a new Fashion It So post. In the year of our Picard 2020. Yes.

For literal years, Charlie and I have been like UGH WE NEED TO DO TIME’S ARROW PARTS 1 AND 2 BUT IT’S JUST SUCH A MONSTER.

Well, I’m doing a complete rewatch of the series with my partner and we just got to these two, so IT IS TIME. 

We open in a cave in San Francisco, where Data and Picard are checking something out:

Rent for the cave is $6,000 per month

Showing them around is this guy in a Science Outfit:

He’s ready to go night biking

We’ve seen this look before in both Silicon Avatar and Devil’s Due, and it’s functional, yet cute. Basically a windbreaker in jumpsuit form. 

They find a couple of items in the cave, including a pocket watch from 1889 and also:

I left my head in San Francisco

IT’S DATA’S HEAD!!! And it’s been there for FIVE HUNDRED YEARS. What could have caused this? And why is Data’s head so absolutely terrifying?

Is that fondant

This head is, in a word, haunting. The 2020 of heads. 

Data and Geordi chat in Ten-Forward about what the presence of Data’s head in the cave means. Data says it means he’s mortal; that someday he will die, and that’s comforting. Spoiler alert: that’s not what it means. But it’s a nice conversation.

Also, Guinan is here!!!

Merlot My God!! 

Or maybe: Burgundy-lightful!! Or perhaps: De-Crimson-alize Sex Work!! Okay that last one was a stretch but I really think I missed my calling as a nail polish shade namer. 

Anyway, she’s here in her classic look of a pizza-sized hat and a flowing gown/coat/top/robe. The collar here is a little too close to a mock turtleneck for my liking and honestly - this is a little staid for our friend Guinan. I want a TEXTURE or a SWEEP or some WIDE RIBBING or some PLEATS. Don’t worry, though...she will get plenty more later.

Then there’s some plot which frankly we DO NOT HAVE TIME to get into but let’s just say: the away team goes to a planet, there’s a temporal disturbance, and Data ends up here:

Huge mood

Where are we? Or should I say WHEN are we??

Well that old-timey font is a good clue...also the horse

Are we in the Old West land of an off-brand Disneyworld? Are we going to ride something called Large Lightning Mesa Train Tracks? What colorful characters will we meet here?

Winner of 1893’s Mustache Medal

This type of ‘stache is called a Fu Manchu, after the character Dr. Fu Manchu. It’s not...a great look? But it is memorable, which is sometimes enough. He’s also wearing a simple black cap, probably made of silk. He’s keeping it cazh.

So where are we?

SAN FRANCISCO, OPEN YOUR GOLDEN GATE / YOU’LL LET NOBODY WAIT / OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR

Yes, it’s San Francisco. And it’s *eyes popping out of head like a cartoon wolf seeing a busty babe* 1893!!!! That temporal disturbance was...disturbing.

So who else do we have hanging out?

Please check out our Vaudeville act, Knit Cap ‘n’ Bowly

These dudes understand those famous Bay Area MICROCLIMATES, amirite? We’ve got a Henley. We’ve got a buttondown. We’ve got a vest. We’ve got a coat. No matter which way the thermometer decides to go, THEY ARE READY. Also loving the pop of forest green on Knit Cap’s knit cap. 

We also have a 49er:

No, it’s not Steve Young. I googled “famous 49ers” to complete this joke so if there is a more famous 49er please let me know

It’s a literal 49er. Since it’s 1893, this guy’s been hanging around in town for a while, and he’s also familiar with the layering techniques one must master if one is to conquer the Bay Area’s climate. He also has a kicky Colonel Sanders-type tie. He asks Data for money and gives him a few panhandling tips. He’s chill. We like him. But don’t get too attached if you know what I mean!!!!

Data decides he needs somewhere to stay, so he finds a hotel:

Brian.

Why is this so funny to me. Brian. Why would you name your hotel Brian. Brian!!!! I know it’s a last name but like...Brian. HOTEL BRIAN. 

This bellhop’s name is not Brian:

Where’s your hat, bro

He’s giving us a classic bellhop look, complete with too many buttons. He gives Data the very important information that there’s a poker game happening in the back of the hotel, which means: Data is about to be RICH rich. 

The poker game includes a few good looks:

Louie Anderson IS Wolverine IN a Lands’ End barn coat

Two plaids? Sir...I salute you

Colonel Sanders Goes to Carnaval

Data, of course, wipes the floor with them so hard that he wins their clothes:

Didn’t get that barn coat tho

Yes, that’s the actual vest and the actual hat of those guys from the previous scene. Oh, I love it. I love Data in a vest over his uniform and I love Data with a feather in his cap. Let’s call it macaroni.

Meanwhile, out on the street, the plot is happening:

Beige: inescapable

This is our first taste of the decadent 1890’s sleeves that appear in this episode, and these aren’t even the best sleeves!! These are an amuse-bouche of sleeves. An armuse-bouche, if you will. 

Anyway, these two are aliens disguised as humans who are here to steal the 49er’s life energy. 

Pew pew pew

I told you not to get attached!!!

Back on the Enterprise, Guinan is doing mixology:

She would never call it something as stupid as mixology though

She tells Picard that he needs to go check out the temporal disturbance, too, even though captains don’t normally go on away missions, and then she gives him this look:

It’s that serious

When Guinan looks at you like this, you do what she says. 

Now this outfit is much better than the earlier one. We have some pleated sleeves, which I didn’t even think was a thing you could DO. We have some sort of functional(?) strap(??) across the front. We even have matching fingerless gloves which always make a look A LOOK. And if Picard wasn’t sure whether he needed to go on this away mission, she then gives him THIS look:

Okay now it’s REALLY serious

Back in 1893, Data is making something:

It’s actually just a really complicated and large music box that plays “I Left My Head in San Francisco”

He’s gotten his hands on some more period-appropriate clothing, including a bow tie and a vest. Since he’s not wearing arm garters and his sleeves appear to be the correct length for his arms, we can conclude that the shirt was custom-made, not ready-made, because Data is now a baller due to his poker earnings. 

Then, Data sees this in the paper:

I know her!! From work!!!!

Yes, it’s Guinan. In 1893. In a hat!!!!

We cut to the literary reception, which is honestly not as well-attended as I thought it would be, considering it got a GIANT photo of Guinan on page THREE of the paper, but okay. And who should we spy there but:

You’ll love my secret blend of 11 herbs and spices

No, it’s not Colonel Sanders. (Sorry, I really have Colonel Sanders on the brain because of that Lifetime movie.) It’s Samuel Clements, AKA Mark Twain. I had an English teacher in high school who explained the origin of his pseudonym (it indicates a mark of two fathoms, aka twelve feet, on a steamboat) and for some reason she shouted MAAAARK TWAAAAAIN when she told us that story so now her delivery of that line is in my head until I die I guess.

Anyway, it’s Mark Twain.

He’s wearing his iconic white linen suit with a black bow tie, and he’s also wearing a lot of prosthetics, because the actor playing him (Jerry Hardin, AKA Deep Throat from The X-Files AKA Melora Hardin AKA Jan Levinson-Gould’s dad) (was that too many AKAs) (you get it, right?) didn’t look enough like Mark Twain, I guess? In conclusion: what if eyebrow wigs were a thing?

Twain is having a chit chat with “Madame Guinan,” who is wearing what can only be called a sumptuous gown:

It’s 11:30 and the gown is sumptin’ sumptin’

There are so many ELEMENTS to this look! First of all: the color. Royal purple. Fit for a queen. Appropriate. 

Then: those sleeves! These sleeves are known as “leg of mutton sleeves” because they KIND OF look like a leg of mutton. Have you ever seen a leg of mutton? I haven’t. I’ve only seen these sleeves. Plus they have a stripe?? No, I don’t know why, but I LOVE IT.

The cuffs and the cravat bring this from “dress” to “lewk.” Top it all off with this hat and you have a true 1893 mood.

What bird is that feather even from

We get a few good extra looks in this scene as well:

Pink Lady is NOT wearing a corset

Look, sometimes you don’t have enough period-appropriate undergarments for all the background people and that’s fine. But I WILL notice.

Is that Loretta Lynn

I am loving all of this! That purple dress is fantastic, those stripes? I die. Military man has some fun flair on his shoulder, and there is a dude in a beautiful turban back there. Plus, another Black lady in addition to Guinan and That One Ensign Who Is On The Bridge Sometimes.

Data rolls in to the literary event in a different suit with a CRAVAT:

Craving a cravat

Data is like “we serve together on the same starship in the 24th century” and Guinan is like “huh” but then she’s like “okay” which...I’m not sure if I would believe that? But let’s just say it’s fine. 

Over in the 24th century, the literal entire bridge crew is checking out the temporal disturbance and I DON’T LIKE THIS AT ALL:

Blue Man Group...on ACID

These beings are like ghosts but also like Dr. Manhattan but also like pure energy. 

Then everyone goes through the temporal disturbance AND THE SEASON ENDS. 

Fortunately for you, this post will continue...right now.

Okay, so we’re back in San Francisco in 1893. You can tell by the horses:

Also the fruit carts

Samuel Clemens is strolling around with a reporter, telling him that he has a great story for him that involves time travelers and, like, protecting the nation.

Here’s the thing about this episode’s version of Mark Twain: he’s kind of a dick. Was the real Mark Twain kind of a dick? I just feel like Mark Twain should be JAZZED about meeting time travelers and not acting like a fuckin’ time cop* and trying to put the Enterprise crew on blast. 

Anyway I love his double-breasted vest.

See my vest

The reporter’s hat is technically period-accurate, but that style is SO associated with the 1930s-1950s that I would have gone with something else. He looks cute though.

Meanwhile, Data is wearing a three-piece suit:

My positronic olfactory synapses are interpreting something as...a fart

I hate brown, but this is fine.

Additionally, the beige baddies from before are back and this time, they’ve got a SNAKE CANE:

Love the snake cane, hate how they suck the life out of people

But we are not here for them, we are here to see our faves in period clothing. Our first look is at Riker, who is dressed as an actual cop, not a time cop like Mark Twain:

The past just had...so many buttons

I guess if you’re a time-traveling white man there are worse disguises than a cop. But WHERE DID HE GET THIS UNIFORM? I choose to believe that he found a cop with a similar large handsome body to his own and beat the shit out of him and stole his clothes. Now we can all enjoy imagining a cop being beat up.

The badge that Riker is wearing is a great historical detail; the SFPD started wearing them in 1886 and are reportedly the first law enforcement agency to have worn the seven-pointed star, which is now a common shape among sheriff’s departments across the United States.

But let’s move on to a better look: Dr. Beverly Crusher:

Curlz MT

Okay, now I have more questions. Beverly obviously wouldn’t beat someone up for their clothes, so where did SHE get HER outfit? And who did her hair? Did she do her OWN hair? Where did she get a curling iron? Does she know how to use a curling iron? Was it one of those ones that’s actually made of iron that you have to heat up in a fireplace? 

We will get answers to zero (0) of these questions.

We actually get a much better look at her dress later, so let’s focus on that cloak!!! I love it and I also love her hat. Okay, I guess I had less to say about those than I thought.

Bev and Will, along with the rest of the officers, have somehow procured a room/apartment in some lady’s lodging house. It’s cute!

They gave it 5 stars on AirBnB

This also raises questions. How did they get this room? How many bedrooms does it have? Are they sharing one large bed? If so, who has to sleep crossways at the foot of the bed and why is it Geordi? We will get zero answers to these questions as well, so let’s move on to arguably the hottest costume in this two-parter:

I’ll be in Holodeck 4

Whewwwwwww. He’s giving us a rolled sleeve. He’s giving us a casual tweed vest. The pants? They’re perfect. And he KNOWS how that slouch is working. It’s working VERY well. But the Irish landlady? She’s having NONE OF IT.

Absolutely NO nonsense

She needs the rent, but Picard charms her and she leaves. So I guess that’s how they got the room. Her look is knitwear-forward:

Eileen Fisher does sound like an Irish name

She’s got a shawl AND a cardigan! The cozy factor is OFF THE CHARTS. She also has a brooch, because a touch of fancy is always welcome. I will say that her hair is a little more fashion-forward than I’d expect for a woman of her age and station. This is straight up 1890s hair, and she would probably still be rocking an 1860s look, which isn’t as sweepy and would likely involve more braids. Still, she looks lovely. 

Geordi is also here looking dapper:

Make the collar as high as you can. I want to be sliced open by my own collar

You CAN go wrong with a three-piece suit, but it’s difficult to. He can’t wear his visor, so he has some kicky shades which we’ll get a better look at in a sec.

Back at the Hotel Brian (lol), the bellboy (who we learn in this scene is Jack London, inspired to be a writer by Mark Twain [citation needed]) lets Mark Twain into Data’s room and allows him to look around unsupervised. This is very bad hotel management. 

Great Scott

Then Data and Guinan show back up, and Mark Twain hides in an armoire.

One short day in the emerald brocade

I think one reason I love Guinan’s looks so much, both in the 24th and the 19th century, is that our color palette is very similar. We’re both winters. Bold jewel tones are the vibe. This one is in a beautiful deep green fabric with what looks like a velvet flocking pattern on it. The collar is also velvet, and I love that sleeve with a flounce on top like there wasn’t already enough fucking fabric on the sleeve so they just added a random piece to be like “yes, bitch. I’m a sleeve.”

Naturally, the hat is also jaunty af:

San Francisco’s hottest milliner is: Madame Guinan

This hat has everything: feathers, netting, a brim, an angle that makes you think it’s going to fall off but it doesn’t. We stan.

Meanwhile, Picard is setting up a sensor in a hospital while wearing a hat:

I’m bowled over

We haven’t even asked where Picard got these clothes, but I would like to point out that he’s dressed as a lower-class guy, while Riker is a cop, and Geordi looks like a gentleman. Was there even a discussion they all had about how they would disguise themselves? Was Picard like “I just really want to wear a beat-up bowler hat” and since he’s the captain, they extrapolated from there? This episode is NOT CONCERNED about any of this. They all have clothes, end of story. 

Bev even has TWO outfits!!

Hello nurse!!!!

I love this look. She still has her unlikely hairstyle happening, which means her nurse’s cap is sitting atop her voluminous hairstyle. (Not very practical, but realistic!) She’s sporting a simple striped dress and a button-on apron. (Look closely and you can see the two buttons holding the apron to the dress.) The fabric underneath might be cotton seersucker, but it’s likely a lightweight cotton or linen twill. You can see how closely her look matches these nurses from a similar time period:

Hello nurses!!!!

Deanna is also in this scene and this episode, but you wouldn’t know it from what she’s given to do. HUGE SHOCKER: TROI NOT GIVEN ENOUGH TO DO IN AN EPISODE. 🙃

She still looks beautiful:

Why aren’t capelets more popular

We never get a really GREAT look at her whole outfit, but I can tell you that it has a capelet, it’s in the red family, and the hat has a lot of business going on. For those reasons: approved. It has a flounce in the back too:

More fabric = more wealth

Sometimes I think about just how much fabric it took to make these old-timey dresses and I’m like...how did anyone get anything done?? It takes me like 4 weeks to finish a pair of leggings and those have like 5 seams and I own a serger. These historical bitches were sewing whole ass dresses in no time at all. 

Okay, so Bev is in this hospital and here come some more energy-stealing aliens, disguised as healthcare professionals this time:

I cannot take a medical professional wearing a LIGHT BROWN TOP HAT seriously, sorry

Bev AND this energy-stealing alien have BOTH managed to get their hands on the SAME nurse’s uniform?? I guess in the case of the alien, she is a shape-shifter, so she got her clothes from...that. And her hair. 

I hate this light brown top hat. If you’re going to wear a top hat, don’t DISRESPECT IT by making it BROWN, but if you’re going to make it brown, make it a good brown, like chocolate. Stupid energy-stealing aliens.

There’s a skirmish, the energy-stealing aliens disappear, and the real cops show up:

MOUSTACHE

Of course, the cops showing up is bad, because when has a cop showing up ever made a bad situation better? Never. Defund the police, but don’t defund handlebar mustaches. Those can stay.

Fortunately, Data has gotten a ping on that machine he was building before and shows up on a motherfucking HORSE:

Brent just wanted to show off

He’s back in his brown striped suit and red tie. Okay.

Everyone returns to the boarding house to suss out the situation, and we get a look at what Riker is rocking underneath his cop jacket:

Suspend me daddy

You can see very clearly here how the collar is not actually attached to the shirt. This was a thing people in the olden days did so they could wear their shirt for multiple days in a row and just switch out the collar and cuffs so they looked clean. As someone who is wearing the same sweatshirt for the third day in a row, I support this method. (If you’re interested on more info about collars, here is a very enjoyable article about them.)

We are also blessed with a better look at Deanna’s sleeves and bodice:

Black lace cuffs? Decadent!!!

You can also see Geordi’s shades, which suit him really nicely. One thing I’ve been enjoying on this rewatch is just how well LeVar Burton can act without having his eyes visible. He’s great. Let’s just all think about how great LeVar Burton is for a second

And also Bev’s dress:

I legitimately want this dress

I don’t think those buttons are functional. Can you imagine how annoying THAT would be? But I am absolutely in love with this dress. Two paisleys, Beverly???? A goddess. I’m also dying for that brooch with the chain. A+ look all around, great work.

Finally, FINALLY, Guinan meets the rest of the crew:

When you meet someone you won’t actually know for 500 years

She is wearing a hat that looks like a toilet paper cozy. Did your grandma have one of these? They’re so stupid and I love them so much. 

Picard and Guinan meet for what is the first time for her, but not the first time for him, and honestly it is...sensual?????

If I got a m’lady from P. Stew I wouldn’t even mind

Patrick and Whoopi truly do some nice work in this ep. But we are here to yell about clothes, so: LOOK AT THIS DRESS ON AN EXTRA:

Gimme dat dress

I just want that dress to wear around my house. I legitimately bought an 18th century costume dress to do just that, so don’t think I won’t literally do this.

OKAY, WE ARE ALMOST TO THE END. 

The crew, plus Guinan, go back to the cave where this all started:

Cave Club, the only club that meets in a cave

We get a nice look at the bodice of Guinan’s dress here and guess what: MORE BUTTONS. Buttons on the lapels, and also buttons on the front panel with the pointy top. I wonder if she has multiple front panels for that dress in different colors, like a Swatch watch. 

Unbeknownst to them, Mark Twain followed them!! Then there’s a scuffle with the energy-stealing aliens during which a few things happen:

Data’s head flies off

Mark Twain gets sucked into the temporal disturbance

Guinan gets hurt

Picard stays behind to make sure Guinan is okay

So we end up with Mark Twain on the Enterprise, where he sees Worf, and he’s like:

Buh-WHAT

Worf is also confused:

This is...extremely perplexing

We have a few more looks back on the Enterprise, including Regular Guinan:

ShoulderSpreads™: The Bed Spread for Your Shoulders

I love love LOVE this outfit. The color is perfect, the shoulderspreads are perfect, the front draping is perfect. It looks like a velvet housedress from the 1960s except FANCY which is kind of my ideal aesthetic. And it’s red (my fave). 

We get a quick glimpse at the barber uniform:

Bitch let me pass, idc if you wrote Huck Finn

This barber does. not. give. a. fuck!!!! 

Geordi reattaches Data’s head, the one they already had, which means this whole thing was a ding dang closed loop. The reattachment also kind of diminishes the whole conversation they had earlier about how Data’s head in the cave meant that Data could die someday, because...he didn’t. He still might, but his head is back and he’s fine now.

Meanwhile, Picard is still back in 1893 and they have to go get him, but only one person can come back through the temporal disturbance, so Mark Twain is like “duh I’ll go get him.” 

And finally Guinan and Picard can talk about how their friendship spans 500 years!!!!

Hey girl

Hey

YOU’RE WELCOME

*abolish the police

[yo-its-matt]

Personally I think a white short-sleeve button up with a repeated pattern of red lipstick kiss marks would be fuckin baller and I would look great in it

[wellhalesbells]

✨✨ TOP FIVES FOR 2020 ✨✨

2020 was, i think we can all agree, a massively chaotic year but i have never consumed as much media before in my life, so i thought others might benefit from my slothery uh, connoisseur.... ship?  yes, that.  below are the books, comics, shows, and movies that got me through!

B O O K S .

the starless sea, by erin morgenstern - i loooove this book because it loves me back.  it says: ‘oh, you’re a reader, well i have just the thing for you.’  it luxuriates in language and story and riddles and fairy tales and it feels like an entire library in a single tome.

they never learn, by layne fargo - oh fuuuuuck, this was satisfying.  i thought it might feel a little exploitative as it is very aware of the zeitgeist and likely would not exist without the #metoo movement but it never ever did.  this was a fucking ROMP, period.  reading about a woman getting away with murdering skeezy guy after rapey guy after shitty human just made me happier and happier.

moonflower murders, by anthony horowitz - this is the second in the susan ryeland series (and the first was hardcore good fun too) and really feels very classic mystery with the artful twist of catering to the literary community.  mainly because: susan isn’t a detective, she’s an editor and she gets drafted in this time because the clue to what happened to a missing woman is in a book she edited, if she can find it.  both of the books in this series have such an excellent coming together moment that is rare af to find.

the invisible life of addie larue, by v.e. schwab - the writing in this is just so good.  it has that feel to me where i just want to drop the book and open up my own page and let my fingers fly.  it’s that inspiring kind of writing that reminds you of all the things language can do.

crown of feathers/heart of flames, by nicki pau preto - aaahhh, this series is SO FREAKING GOOD!  why is there not more of a fandom for it, why???? it is so many of my favorite tropes all resting perfectly together to the point where you almost forget they’re tropes because they just so naturally evolved there.  ugh, it’s just.... it’s so heart-bursty good.

.... number 5, part 2?  raybearer, by jordan ifueko - this was just so original and i was invested af.  like, what a brilliant idea though and an even better execution??  i loved every character and am so looking forward to the next in the series so i can get to know them even better!!

honorable mentions (sh*t i still liked a whole heckuva lot): you/hidden bodies, by caroline kepnes // writers & lovers, by lily king // i’ll be gone in the dark, by michelle mcnamara // the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, by joseph fink & jeffrey cranor // girl, serpent, thorn, by melissa bashardoust // a little life, by hanya yanagihara // the guinevere deception, by kiersten white // obsidio (and the entire illuminae series), by amie kaufman & jay kristoff // the bone houses, by emily lloyd-jones // house of salt and sorrows, by erin a. craig // we hunt the flame, by hafsah faizal // savage legion, by matt wallace // blacktop wasteland, by s.a. cosby // crier’s war, by nina varela // the empress of salt and fortune/when the tiger came down the mountain, by nghi vo // upright women wanted, by sarah gailey // the monster of elendhaven, by jennifer giesbrecht // a deadly education, by naomi novik // you let me in, by camilla bruce // when you ask me where i’m going, by jasmin kaur // the lights go out in lychford/last stand in lychford (and the entire lychford series), by paul cornell // the devil and the dark water, by stuart turton // serpent & dove, by shelby mahurin // one by one, by ruth ware // ruthless gods (this was SUCH an upshot from the first book - it’s worth sticking with if you’re on the fence), by emily a. duncan // cemetery boys, by aiden thomas // the inheritance games, by jennifer lynn barnes // the fortunate ones (2021 release), by ed tarkington

C O M I C S .

cosmoknights, by hannah templer - the art was gorgeous, the gayness was glorious, and just.... hot HOOOOOOOOT lady knights in space?!  a princess winning her own hand?  find something not to love in there, i dare you.

don’t go without me, by rosemary valero-o’connell - wow. wow wow wow wow wow.  the writing was stunning, so lyrical and atmospheric and deep, and rosemary has to be one of my favorite artists but even that managed to come as a beautiful surprise because it was just so freaking bold.

through the woods, by emily carroll - i loooove emily carroll, the convergence of spine-tingling horror and art that feeds into it, that is both visually and aesthetically pleasing, is hard to beat!  p.s. i also read beneath the dead oak tree from her this year and it was also a BANGER.

the impending blindness of billie scott, by zoe thorogood - zoe is someone that i just want to follow.  she’s just starting and i want to be there for every single step.  i love her art style and her ability to tell a story with it.

above the clouds, by melissa pagluica - this was so unique, and such a baller concept, as nearly half the entire book is conveyed only through the art and yet you’re never once lost, never once confused as to what any character is thinking or feeling.  it’s a story within a story and only one of those gets words though they both are chock full of emotion!

um.... number 5, part 2? crowded, by christopher sebela - everything about this series is fun af.  crowd-funded assassination and a hirable bodyguard who’s rated like an uber driver???  and the chemistry between the two mains is so great and gay!!

honorable mentions: monster and the beast, by renji // long exposure, by kam ‘mars’ heyward // fence, by c.s. pacat // invisible kingdom, by g. willow wilson // ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson // heathen, by natasha alterici // not drunk enough, by tess stone // giant days, by john allison // die, by kieron gillen // be prepared, by vera brosgol // ascender (sequel to descender, which is also great), by jeff lemire // the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north // bang! bang! boom!, by melanie schoen // gideon falls, by jeff lemire // life of melody, by mari costa // cry wolf girl, by ariel slamet ries // the tea dragon society, by katie o’neill // ptsd, by guillaume singelin // heartstopper, by alice oseman // solutions and other problems, by allie brosh // finding home, by hari conner // the magic fish, by trung le nguyen // something is killing the children, by james tynion iv // the weight of them, by noelle stevenson // spill zone, by scott westerfeld // skyward, by joe henderson // miles morales, by saladin ahmed

F I L M S.

parasite, dir. bong joon ho - oh it was satisfying, oh it was suspenseful, oh i had to watch some of it through my fingers but i loooooooved it.  such a good story and so well made.

knives out, dir. rian johnson - okay, everything about this movie was amazing.  every single character was fun as hell and i could’ve watched an entire movie about each of them.  what a great fucking mystery!

blindspotting, dir. carlos lopez estrada -  this made my heart hurt so damn much.  what glorious writing, acting, and story!

portrait of a lady on fire, dir. celine sciamma - gooooorgeous cinematography, amazing chemistry, and such a soft, atmospheric film.

the farewell, dir. lulu wang - i cried and my heart felt so full and i love it so so much.

um.... number 5, part 2? someone great, dir. jennifer kaytin robinson - no part of me expected to love a netflix movie this much but it’s a love story that doesn’t get told that often??  the end of a relationship and the true love of friendship and i love these girls and i love jenny and nate’s broken relationship.

honorable mentions: eighth grade, dir. bo burnham // booksmart, dir. olivia wilde // midsommar, dir. ari aster // the curse of la llorona, dir. michael chaves // the secret life of pets 2, dirs. chris renaud & jonathan del val // jojo rabbit, dir. taika waititi // the invisible man, dir. leigh whannell // the favourite, dir. yorgos lanthimos // can you ever forgive me?, dir. marielle heller // troop zero, dirs. bert & bertie // ready or not, dirs. matt bettinelli-olpin & tyler gillett // brave, dirs. mark andrews & brenda chapman & steve purcell // the half of it, dir. alice wu // palm springs, dir. max barbakow // doctor sleep, dir. mike flanaghan // uncut gems, dirs. benny sadfie & josh sadfie // birds of prey, dir. cathy van // bloodshot, dir. dave wilson // the old guard, dir. gina prince-bythewood // enola holmes, dir. harry bradbeer // hocus pocus, dir. kenny ortega // always be my maybe, dir. nahnatchka khan // finding dory, dirs. andrew stanton & angus maclane // die hard, dir. john mctiernan

S H O W S .

black sails (2014) - this show, this shooooooooow.  i cannot, it just makes me want to cry with how good it is.  the characters, the EMOTIONS, the story, the plaaaaaan.  like, the creators clearly had a plan for every single step of this show and it was a gOOD, GOOD PLAN.

the untamed (2019) - truly, cheesy good fun with one of the best gay romances ever.  i love these characters and their relationships to each other and the way it glories in its own ridiculousness.

the righteous gemstones (2019) - one of the things that bothered me about my next choice (the ratio of female to male nudity) was so much more realistic in this one (i mean, we’ve all gotten five thousand dick pics and i know like three people?  so the fact that there is so rarely male nudity in shows when there are tits everywhere..... no, how does that even make a tiny bit of sense?).  this show was such great, wonderful, awful fun.  they’re not great people and the show is under no delusion about that and it’s GLORIOUS!

the witcher (2019) - this was just hella fun, i loved the characters and the fantasy elements.  i’m excited for the next season, it’s just entertaining swashbuckling through and through!

fargo (2014) - all of this was really very enjoyable with the through line being somebody fucks shit up and gets involved in something they really shouldn’t be involved in that’s going to swallow them whole.  season one and season three were my stand-out favorites but they were all so violent, clever, and vicious!

um.... number 5, part 2? central park (2020) - um..... so many of the hamilton actors in a muscial cartoon drawn and written by the bob’s burgers team? WHAT ABOUT THAT DOESN’T SOUND AMAZING?!  it was such a joy to hear daveed diggs and leslie odom jr.’s voices again!!

honorable mentions: schitt’s creek // the mandalorian // mr. robot // broadchurch // mindhunter // jack ryan // the good place // the end of the f***ing world // big little lies // elite // kidding // servant // letterkenny // curb your enthusiasm // i am not okay with this // ozark // buzzfeed unsolved: true crime/supernatural // you // runaways // dear white people // dickinson // brooklyn nine-nine // will & grace // 9-1-1 // dead to me // solar opposites // never have i ever // killing eve // what we do in the shadows // grace and frankie // avenue 5 // roswell, new mexico // the bold type // evil // tuca & bertie // impulse // the umbrella academy // watchmen // infinity train // corporate // search party // on becoming a god in central florida // a.p. bio // criminal: uk // the morning show // mythic quest // last week tonight // prodigal son // the great

[visible-buttholegirl]

random pic of my cat sleeping but i'm going to go to the gym when i wake up tomorrow and i'm trying to write about it to excite myself.

sooooo it will be good cuz i need to move my body and get the ball rolling on ACTUALLY making some positive progress on my body/mind/health. and it will feel great to do. i will feel so accomplished doing it! i'm going to work on arms and also walk on the stairmaster for a super long time and i'm going to sweat my entire ass off! my mom gave me this really cool shirt that she used to wear when she was my age, and i'd love to drop a few pounds so i feel more comfortable wearing it out. i've never had something past down to me like that, it feels so significant and special, and i think it could be good motivation for me to work on my fitness!

i am not currently happy with my body right now and my appearance in general, but i know what i need to do fix it, and i'm excited to do so! i will be so hot, sexy and fly these bitches won't be able to take me!!!!

i have never experienced any significant amount of weight loss and once i reach the threshold of like 20-30 pounds down, i think i will feel so accomplished! i wouldn't wanna stop then but i think by that point i'll be noticing some significant changes and that would make me feel good. i just am not happy in this state, and i want to feel sexy and comfortable and not worry about my appearance anymore. i want to be effortlessly beautiful. and not to sound toxic but i think i'd have that ability if i was skinny. i have nice facial features and i'm stylish! i just need to do this and i will feel so much better about myself. and not just for the aesthetic, i will physically feel so much healthier and not even have time to be depressed anymore!!

i would like to feel good about being in a swimsuit in the summer! i know i could do that if i worked hard enough. and then i wanna wear a sexy costume on Halloween. those are my two goals for now.

unrelated but i had a job interview today and hopefully i get this baller ass job and then i'm working in my field and then after work i can go to the gym and work on my bod and it will be amazing!! i'll be such a happier person, i just know it.

i want it, and i deserve it, and i'm gonna GET IT. mark my words.

[deantransgressions2]

9x11 first born

#1: so sam is at home recovering from the trauma of being possessed without consent for months by a rogue angel, and dean is getting drunk at a bar and objectifying women. i would expect nothing less.

time tag: 2:20

#2: told sam he was leaving him to kill gadreel. he does no such thing. he instead decides to hang out with crowley. apparently, abbadon, a demon he knows nothing about, is way worse than the angel murdering people left and right, including dean's "friend" kevin.

time tag: whole time

#3: trusts a demon, which i thought was like his biggest no no. i mean, he basically disowned sam for it in s4. but he's dean so i guess rules don’t apply to him.

time tag: whole time

#4: cas and sam having a baller of a time. sharing food and hanging out without making fun of one another. great vibes when dean leaves. also, sam is so comfortable around cas and vice versa. i don't ship anyone on this show, but those two are the cutest pals

time tag: 5:23

#5: proof that dean is 100% responsible for the fight of s9

cas: "maybe we should call dean"

sam: "no. he wanted to go, and he's gone."

time tag: 6:30

#6: dean, as he is shoving crowley up against a wall:

"listen to me. we are the furthest thing from family."

could've fooled me. i mean...he's treating crowley the exact same way he treats sam so...

time tag: 6:57

#7: you ever think about how sam could've killed abbadon in a couple minutes, but instead, dean decided to get a tattoo and become a homicidal maniac for 2 seasons.

time tag: -

#8:

dean: "because you never give up on family...ever."

cain: "where's your brother now then?"

dying. his brother is literally dying as yall speak.

time tag: 28:42

#9: dean telling cain he never gives up on anything as if he didn't look for gadreel for all of 5 minutes before giving up.

time tag: 35:11

#10: cain calling dean a killer. <3

time tag: 36:15

#11: "can i use it to kill that bitch?"

time tag: 36:18

#12: cain is trying to tell dean about the mark and dean doesn't care. act first, think later u know

"yeah, well, spare me the warning label. you had me at 'kill the bitch'".

remember when sam killed lilith without having all the information. sam literally threw himself in hell to make up for it???? dean is basically doing the same thing here, except he isn't even being manipulated. he is just making this decision knowing he has 0 facts. dean never apologizes for this mistake. or apologizes for anything pertaining to the mark. but, sam apologizes for lucifer and purgatory???? up until like fucking s14.

time tag: 36:25

[highgaarden]

a lover’s concerto; game of thrones au. written for @klaroline-events‘ kc june bingo: ROYALS.

He shouldn’t be sitting so close, really, seeing as they were only just betrothed – and Caroline really wanted him to push his chair a bit further, but she had been told that you don’t tell a Targaryen what to do, much less the Mad King himself.

“Are you always so improper? Back it up, Dragon Boy,” said Caroline, who had never liked being told what to do.

Highgarden was a madness of wine and song. Enzo was trying not to vomit across the table whilst Damon was passed out underneath it. Loras was busy regaling a very drunk Malachai about that one time he accidentally set half their gardens on fire. Margaery was giggling, leaning heavily into Bonnie, who looked like even she was enjoying all the commotion around her.

It was strange that the everyone would have so much cause for celebration considering – everything – but… there you have it. Maybe she’d enjoy the party better if she wasn’t sitting at the head of the table, so far away from her friends.

“You’re sulking, Princess,” Klaus pointed out from behind the rim of his goblet.

“I don’t sulk,” she said, sulkily.

“Would it make you feel better,” he said, “if I named one of my dragons after you?”

“It would not,” she said primly, but Klaus hardly missed the little flare of curiosity in her eyes.  

“Qeldlie, I think I’ll name her,” Klaus decided. “It means golden. After your hair.”

Caroline, who had not yet started to learn High Valyrian, had to take his word for it. “A dragon in the Reach. Who would have thought?”

“These fertile lands suit them, it would seem,” Klaus said. He tipped his goblet at her. “Here’s to us Growing Strong.”

She tipped her own goblet back at him. “With Fire and Blood.”

—

The day the Targaryens came to Highgarden was quite a thing to behold.

Niklaus the Mad came swooping in on his dragon Viserion, whilst his sister Rebekah was on Drogon, and his brother Elijah was on Rhaegal, just like the stories they always hear about.

Katherine, a good handmaiden and a very bad flirt, was fanning her cheeks. Caroline wanted to snort. Who the hell did they think they were, rolling up into her lands with their bigass envoy and their stupid sunglasses?

“It’s not that hot here,” she grumbled. “No, Elena, do not wave!”

—

William had decided that to remain in his seat as one of the most ancient houses in the Kingdom, declaring friendship wasn’t enough when Klaus, apparently bored one day, wanted to liberate Westeros.

As if being an era ahead of them in technology made Dragonstone the ballers of the Seven Kingdoms. Klaus certainly thought so.

He was in William’s audience chamber when Caroline stomped in, huffing, and Klaus had tilted his head at her.

“Princess of the Summer courts,” he greeted.

“Your Grace,” she managed as graciously as she could, and sunk into a curtsy. “What brings you here?”

Klaus didn’t answer her. Instead he turned to William. “My Lord, your daughter speaks out of turn.”

“I—” blustered her father, turning a magnificent shade of magenta.

“I like it,” Klaus said. “So, have you heard? I am in search of a wife.”

“No, Your Grace - I hadn’t heard,” William said, the cogs already turning in his head.

Caroline’s barely had time to think whether this was a good opportunity to faint before Klaus has his lips on her knuckles.

—

Rebekah took to her at once, not because she was a lady as equal in beauty and stature as herself, but because she was someone to talk to that wasn’t one of her brothers.

“You’re lucky you’re an only child,” the Princess of Dragonstone confided one afternoon whilst they were practicing their stitching. She peeked at Caroline’s work – a pull of the needle here, a little thread there, and a flower bloomed to life in her hands – and looks approving. “You wouldn’t believe it, but brothers! They take ages getting ready.”

“You don’t say,” Caroline mumbled. There was already a ring on her finger, one of promise, and apparently there were two more to come before she and Klaus were finally to marry. She was disgruntled not at the fact that he had crafted her a ring so soon but more the fact that she didn’t hate it. She’d expected a big rock, and yes, it did come with that, but it was also surprisingly tasteful.

And it suited her very much, as if the gifter had taken exceptional notice of her hands.

—

He wasn’t bad company, she supposed. Things could be worse. According to Katherine things almost had been worse – apparently her father had considered a proposal from Winterfell.

Sure, the Starks were cool and all with their Direwolves, but she still hadn’t forgotten the time in Year 10 when Tyler, having invited Caroline over during one of those tedious Royal Exchange Programmes to experience court life in the asscrack of winter, had warged into his Direwolf in an attempt to impress her and had shed all over her favourite dress.

“Do you like dragons?” Klaus asked over breakfast. It was just the two of them since everyone else was still nursing their epic hangovers from last night’s wedding announcement celebrations.

She chewed thoughtfully on her lemon cake and swallowed before answering. “I do,” she said. “But I’m not talking to you until you tell me why you chose me.”

“I fancy you,” Klaus said.

She looked at him sharply.

“Is that so hard to believe?” he asked, sipping his coffee.

“Yes.”

The look he shot her was incredulous. “I see beyond your petals, you know. That you’re beautiful is a given – that you are strong, I have no doubt, considering your House words. But you are also full of light. A maiden fair as summer, with sunlight in her hair.”

Caroline frowned down at her tea and fought down a blush.

“If we finish up quickly, I’ll take you to see Qeldlie,” he said.

Caroline blinked at him. “Did you really name a dragon after me?”

“Of course.” He ducks his head. “It is not something I do often, mind you.”

She looked at him from behind the rim of her teacup. “I know.”

“Do you now?” Klaus asked with a tilt of his lips. He hesitated for a moment. “Dragons, they’re the opposite of humans.”

“How so?”

“They’re loyal,” he said simply.

“To a point, I’ve heard,” Caroline said.

“That’s true,” Klaus conceded. “If you treat them well. With the deference they deserve – but not so much that they can sense weakness. You must command them – and I saw that in you. You would have a dragon bend its knee to you, Princess.”

Caroline didn’t quite know what to say to that. She put down her teacup, and for the first time looked him in the eye. “Take me to see her.”

—

She was a magnificent creature, creamy white with gold markings, flapping her great wings and snorting hot air onto her cheeks. She stared up at it, wide-eyed with wonder, her heart in her throat as she took in its size. When Qeldlie spread her wings it spanned almost the length of her entire private garden.

“Golden,” Klaus murmured and tugged on one of her curls. “She’s a youngin, still, but under your care she will flourish. Have your other teenage lovers ever accorded you so magnoliously?”

“This isn’t a competition, Your Grace,” Caroline rolled her eyes. Qeldlie butted his hand out of the way to nuzzle into her cheeks, startling her with its sudden proximity.

“Klaus,” he corrected. “And I know it isn’t. They couldn’t possibly compare.”

“You’re assuming I’ve been courted aplenty,” she said, reaching a tentative hand towards Qeldlie before pulling it back. “I don’t think having a profile on RoyalMatch.com counts.”

“Have a word with your team about taking that down, will you?” Klaus started to scowl, before realising she was kidding. He returned her smile slowly, like he was out of practice or something.

“Like this, Klaus,” she almost chastised. She cleared her throat once and turned to face him fully and turned on him the famed Tyrell charm, the beguiling femininity of a rose.

Klaus studied her. “I don’t care much for pretence, sweetheart. I’d much rather you show me your thorns.”

Insistently Qeldlie returned her snout to her neck, and she yelped at the sudden heat.

“ȳdra daor!” Klaus commanded in his native tongue, batting the dragon out of the way. “Keligon bona.”

She recognized those words of reprimand at least – she really should had paid more attention in class. But how was fifteen-year-old Caroline to know she’d end up marrying a Targaryen, a House so ancient they were almost myth? Ironic, innit? twenty-year-old Caroline thought.

“Qeldlie,” she said slowly, and the dragon rears back and lopes gently behind her, growling something she can’t understand yet but hopes to one day.

Wait, hold up.

Was this dragon—

Was this dragon pushing her into Klaus?

“I hope it’s true about Targaryens being immune to fire,” she muttered when it’s clear the high heat in her cheeks can’t be politely ignored. Klaus laughed and buried his nose in her hair, breathing deeply.

“I’m immune to many things, love,” he said softly. “Apparently not to you though.”

She pulled out of his embrace and made a face at him – and he shrugged, like he couldn’t help himself.