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[holocene-sims]

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july 2, 2021 2:00 p.m. newcrest counseling center

[margot] it’s not what you think. we do not have to dive into family stuff yet, but i have a concern with your current, well, attitude towards opening up about your trauma, and i'd like to introduce you to a bit more theory.

[margot] am i correct in thinking you’re the kind of person who deeply desires an explanation for everything? something nice and neat and zippy that makes sense of things and rationalizes it for you?

[grant] very much so.

[margot] then i'd like to help you explain why you’re so resistant to talking despite you openly wanting to heal. you know that it’s easier in the long run to open up and you feel confident enough to heal, but you are holding yourself back. why?

[grant] because it’s excruciatingly painful?

[margot] it is, but that’s not really getting to the core reason. it’s your reaction to the pain.

[margot] if someone came into this room right now and yelled at you, what would your first instinct be?

[grant] i'd, um, feel very cornered. i'd want to leave.

[margot] when your ex-fiancee cheated on you and she became aggressive, what was your immediate response?

[grant] just to disappear or make myself small, invisible even. i spent the whole time she was in the house after she cheated living in the basement and avoiding her. i'd literally listen for her footsteps and decide whether to come upstairs or something.

[margot] what was your strategy growing up? when your mom mistreated you, what did you do?

[grant] i left or made myself hard to notice. being noticeable got me in trouble. so, i'd do anything to not be in her line of sight or be heard. i'd go to my best friend henry’s house–you know, the guy who unlocked your car the other day–or one of my family member’s houses or my oldest sister’s room. if i had to be home, i wouldn’t ask for anything or make a lot of noise and i didn’t go anywhere my parents were unless it was time for dinner or something.

[margot] do you know the four trauma responses?

[grant] flight, flight, freeze, and fawn?

[margot] yes. those are survival mechanisms. when you’re living in trauma, they’re the ways to keep yourself safe. in your case, you’ve learned to avoid, to disengage, to make yourself scarce. you aren’t naturally that way, but you needed it as a skill because of all the responses, it was the most advantageous. doing anything else meant putting yourself in the line of fire.

[grant] right. fighting would have been the worst choice and i don’t know, freezing just lets people cannibalize me and fawning, i mean, i couldn’t do anything to actually please my parents. even if i did everything right, the problem was just that i existed.

[margot] so, the problem is that the things that kept you safe back then are making your life so much harder than it needs to be now. you’re hurting yourself. you’re stunting yourself even. the longer you stay in that mode, the longer you let it rule you and every interaction you have.

[margot] i know it feels the same way to open up. opening up about your trauma is putting you back into the bullseye because you’re going to relive it, but if you don’t engage with it, what are you doing?

[grant] i'm just putting a band-aid on a gaping wound.

[margot] correct.

[margot] you don’t want to do that.

[grant] no, i don’t. i said last time it’s not what i want. i did it before and the whole nice little house of cards i built for myself came crashing down when i met real resistance in life again.

[grant] also, you said that one time that being cruel to myself is repeating the trauma. this is doing it, too, isn’t it? i'm leaving myself in the same kind of victimized state i was in back then.

[margot] yes, you are. you were a victim, but you don’t have to be anymore. there’s a quote about that i think you should hear.

[margot] “as long as you’re avoiding your feelings, you’re denying reality. and if you try to shut something out and say, “i don’t want to think about it,” i guarantee that you are going to think about it. so invite the feeling in, sit down with it, keep it company. and then decide how long you’re going to hold onto it. because you’re not a fragile little somebody. it’s good to face every reality, to stop fighting and hiding, to remember that a feeling is just a feeling. it’s not your identity.”

[juneberrie]

we're living our sexuality crisis at the same time lol (decided to just unlabeled myself, problem solved lmao)

yes slay 🥳🥳 im considering unlabeled/queer but also like im pretty sure im lesbian/sapphic—

[naggingatlas]

so deep in thought (sniffin her footte)

[storyofaromance]

I LOVE YOUR THEME SO MUCH IT’S SO PRETTY <3333

THANK YOU SO MUCH MARGOT!!!

[nick-nellson]

Barbie (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig

[rocktheholygrail]

Hannibal (2013-2015)

2x12 || 3x04

[maxxxines]

Margot Robbie wearing Barbie inspired looks + their commercials

[ayo-edebiri]

#She IS Ken to me

[juneberrie]

i love him

ARE YOU OKAY?

minho x fem! reader

Request: yes / no

see the request here!

Synopsis: minho almost didn't make it to the doors on time and you are so worried but he can't seem to understand why

Warning/content: kinda angst to fluff, hurt to comfort, first kiss, set before tmr (no Thomas), a little mention of blood, wounds, one small mention of death, my english

a.n.: 1.4k words- argh i hate this one i'm so sorry

masterlist/ tmr masterlist / navigation / taglist 

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.───･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.──

As usual, you were waiting for Minho in front of the doors. The runner liked to spend his resting time with you. But you started to worry when he didn’t show up yet. Anxiously, you bit your nails and Newt swatted your hand away “Don’t do that” he was always stopping you from doing it.

You groaned, rolling your eyes “What is he doing?” you hated when Minho was late, it wasn’t the first time but you hoped he was going to hurry, you couldn’t lose him.

“Worrying for your boyfriend, huh?” Newt teased, elbowing you in the ribs gently. You shot him a glare, you weren’t very receptive to humour when you were stressed.

“He’s not my boyfriend” you mumbled, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

Newt looked down at you with a smirk “But you love him” you hated the way he sang the end of the sentence.

You glanced at him, brushing your tongue over your top teeth “You want to talk about issues that make me angry?”

Newt raised his hands up in the air “Okay, okay” he chuckled. He stared down at you with a small smile “Hey” he caught your attention “He’s going to make it” he tried to reassure you as much as you could, as your best friend he didn’t want to see you like this.

Without even thinking you brought your nails to your lips. Eyebrows furrowed, you stared at the entrance of the maze “C’mon Minho. What are you doing?”

You finally saw him, in a poor state, running as fast as he could next to a Ben looking as pitiful as him “Minho!!” you shouted as you rushed to the doors, cheering him on as much as you could, encouraging him and Ben to run faster as the walls started to close. He had to make it out alive, you couldn’t handle his death.

The runners finally made it to the Glade, immediately falling to the ground, exhausted. You joined Minho, cupping his head between your hands “Are you okay?” Behind you the maze closed, the big doors touching each other in a great din.

Minho looked up at you with his iconic smirk “You’re with me, of course I am” unfortunately, you weren’t in the mood for his flirting, you still had the impact of all this stress and fear from a few seconds ago.

“Stop it, Minho!” you let out the tears you were holding for the past few minutes, slapping his shoulder, forgetting for a second he was probably covered in bruises and cuts.

Minho didn’t expect you to be this worried, and he hated that he felt a little guilty about being the reason for your cries. “Hey…” he said, sitting up “I promise you I’m fine” he smiled at you, hoping you knew he was honest.

A few more tears escaping from your eyes, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders “Don’t you ever do this again” you warned. You hugged him tightly, too scared he would disappear if you ever let him go.

Minho laughed in your arms “If I get a hug every time I almost die, I will probably do it more” he tried to lighten the mood but it didn’t go well. You pushed him away, still crying from too many emotions. He was always flirting with you but you knew he was only joking, you detested that it hurt.

“Don’t you get anything?” you said, brushing your tears away and getting up. You knew it wasn’t the best moment to go weak but you couldn’t help it. You just wanted him to know how much he mattered to you, you loved him so much and he didn’t even get it. 

You just wanted Minho to understand why you cared this much. But it seemed like he didn’t even care and it broke you more than it should.

Minho watched you as you left him “What did I do?” he asked Newt who was next to him. 

The blond boy shrugged with a little smile “You really are blind, aren’t you?” he said, extending his hand out for Minho to take. 

The runner was as confused as ever, getting up from the ground “Just go get her” Newt smiled, patting Minho on the shoulder.

The latter started to search for you without even thinking, not willing to care about the way his body was hurting, he could go to the Medjacks later, also you were a Medjack yourself so everything was okay. He found you sat against a tree at the Deadheads “Hi” he said to announce his arrival, sitting down next to you. “What’s happening in this little head of yours?” He wasn’t good with words and he knew how clumsy he could sound.

Your cheek was pressed against your knee, legs brought to your chest “Nothing” you mumbled, too pride to admit you liked him.

“Please tell me. I don’t like seeing you like this”

With a sigh, you turned your head, facing him “I don’t like seeing you hurt. I’m scared and it’s like you don’t care” Your heart tightened in your chest, it hurt admitting it out loud.

Minho chose his words carefully “I care, I really do. But- I’m alive, you don’t have to worry anymore. And I’m sorry about the hug joke, I just thought- I don’t know… that you could enjoy hugging me but… I was wrong”

You froze as he spoke “Enjoy hugging you?” your lips curled into an ironic smile “You really don’t understand” you wanted to laugh at how oblivious he was.

You took a deep breath before talking “I care so much because… I like you Minho. And you make your jokes and I feel like an idiot” your cheeks were burning hot, you wanted to bury yourself in a tiny hole and never see him again.

“You… like me?” 

You squinted your eyes, regretting your confession “Don’t make it a big deal. Forget it” you were about to get up when you felt a hand grabbing your wrist.

You turned around, eyes widening when Minho’s lips touched yours, his hand coming at the back of your head “Don’t you dare tell me to forget it because I like you too” he grinned. Minho never expected you to like him, to hide his feelings he joked with you. That was the only way he found to tell you how much he wanted to kiss you, how beautiful you were without making it obvious and he never thought it could hurt you, that was the last thing he wanted to do.

You stayed there, mouth wide open in shock, you always thought he was joking turned out the feelings were actually reciprocal. “You do?”

Minho nodded, his shit-eating smirk not wanting to leave his face “A lot” he said before leaning in again, kissing you tenderly.

When you pulled away, you offered him a small smile “I’m sorry for being rude to you. Didn’t mean to,” you were a little ashamed of your behaviour when he just got out of the maze, someone snappy was the last thing he needed.

The boy grinned as he pulled you into a hug “It’s okay” you held him a little tighter and heard him trying to suppress a groan.

“Are you okay?” you asked worried, trying to inspect his body as much as you could, searching for any marks of what happened beyond the walls “Why did you arrive this late?”

“I’m fine. We started to head back to the Glade when Ben sprained his ankle. We were both exhausted, I had to hold him on the way back but we had to hurry. Wasn’t careful enough and this time I was the one falling, hurt my arm but except this, we are both fine” he didn’t try to joke this time and his heart melted when he saw the way you looked at him. Like you cared about him more than anyone else.

Your hand came to cup his cheek “You have to go to the Medjacks” you got up and invite him to follow you, grabbing his hand to lead him to the shed.

When you enter the room no one was there, the boys probably already took care of Ben and finished their work for today. “Sit there” you demanded as you dig in the selves, searching for what you needed.

You turned around, facing Minho who sat on the table “Take off your shirt” you said, taking a salve between your hands.

Minho raised his eyebrow with a smirk “This early?” you shot him a glare and he took off his shirt. In revenge, you didn’t warn him the balm was going to sting. “Ouch,” he yelped.

“Can’t you just let me do my job?”

Minho smiled at you, he liked it when you were bossy “Yes ma’am” you smacked him on the shoulder one more time.

“Shut up” you refused to accept the heat on your face.

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.───･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.──

⋆ ★ minho taglist: @moonlitmeeks @rhydianissuperior @toindeedbeag0d @juneberrie @gilmore-angel @heartfucks @unadulterated-syd @garfieldsladybird @percy-the-hufflepuff

[starstruckmoony]

omg i love this theme!!

ahhh thank youu <3 i love yours too, it's super pretty! and bea on your profile pic?!?!?! yes.

[agathah]

Murder Wives

PRINTS on my bio

[bi-dykes]

Yee Haw 🎀

[juneberrie]

lizzie!!

i was talking with stick (@spncvr they deactivated) and we were talking about mutuals so they are saying hi to you :))

ee!! i miss stick :( tell them i say hi and that i hope they're doing good <333

[dunphy]

Margot Robbie

Pictures and scans from Barbie™: The World Tour book. Get yours here!

[duckydrawsart]

i'd give you the world on a silver platter. would it even matter?

[bu99erfly]

BARBIE, 2023 DIR. BY GRETA GERWIG