#many are still good I promise

[thelostpassenger]

"They don't make music videos like they used to." Meanwhile, Dua Lipa be like:

[starcurtain]

I wish everyone collectively understood aventurine’s character like you…things would be so much easier! I genuinely don’t understand how people keep getting his motivations wrong??? Could it be because some of the most popular Aven fanfics were written prior to his release? That could have contributed to some of the takes we tend to see about him…thoughts?

I struggled all day to come up with a concise way to answer this and couldn't think of one, so here, have a long-winded ramble:

I don't think early fic writers have much impact in the situation with Aventurine's character now, since most people can look at when a story was posted and go "Oh, this was before we had ____ information."

I think that Aventurine's problem is being a male character in a gacha game. Gacha game characters are designed to sell. Hoyo can sell female characters very, very easily. Give her huge tits and a visible underwear strap and you're good to go. I love all my guy friends, but I'm not gonna sugarcoat it: straight men are not the hardest audience to please. Hit a particular fetish (feet, spandex, dommy mommy), and you're gucci.

Nah, we all know why Jade's trailer is Like That.™

Male characters in gacha are harder to sell because women as consumers are a little harder to predict. Does every woman want a tall, ripped hunk? Shit, no, small cute boyish models like Aventurine are selling better now? Why?! Would a bad boy be more popular than a nice guy??? It's harder to account for women's tastes, especially because they are often (a little) less visually-oriented.

Hoyo is good at what they do though, and they've figured out that male characters sell very well when they possess at least one of two specific traits:

Endearing vulnerability/helplessness

Gay ship tease

Give a character both, like Aventurine? They might as well be printing money.

That sound you hear is Hoyo's stock prices rising.

So, from the very beginning, Hoyo is incentivized to create a character that appeals to people, a character people will want to crack their wallets open for. And they achieved this, first and foremost, by giving Aventurine traits that female players (in particular, but men too), find especially appealing: emotional and physical vulnerability.

We see Aventurine's pain. We sympathize with his grief. We identify with his struggle to make meaning of his difficult life. He's our woobie, blorbo, babygirl, whatever the hell they're calling it now.

He can't hide his suffering anymore. He's on the very edge. He's a dude in distress. He's surrounded by enemies! He misses his mama! He's been betrayed! No one understands him like you do, dear player!

The ultimate feeling evoked is: He needs to be saved.

When people talk about male power fantasies, I think they forget that women can experience them too, and "Emotionally vulnerable man that only I (or my favorite character) can fix" is actually a female power fantasy.

And from there it's really easy, right: the people who shell out cash to buy warps for their harmed-husbando feel like they've saved him; the people who are into mlm ships look for the nearest hot dude to be the savior Ratio was waiting for his time lol.

Morally and intellectually, this type of deep-down-golden-hearted, emotionally-wounded male character is very easy to digest. There is nothing to dislike about this type of character or role in the story: this character is a good guy who has just gone through so many terrible situations, whose victim status makes him endearing, and whose lack of agency means that any of the questionable or downright bad things he does are always the result of someone else forcing his hand, and never something he would have chosen himself.

His motivations are always clear and consistent: get free, heal, and live happily ever after.

Insert the Wreck-It Ralph meme: "Do people assume all your problems got solved when a big strong man showed up?" But to be fair, a big strong man did kind of solve Aventurine's problem, so--

Anyway, it's simple. It's straightforward. Morally, it's pretty cut and dry, black and white: Aventurine is our hero, which means everyone dictating the course of his miserable life is evil.

Hoyo is not remotely discouraging people from literally buying into this emotional appeal.

And trust me, I get it. I'll be the first to admit that hurt-comfort is its own entire genre in fandom because it is so appealing. People eat up Aventurine's tragic backstory like candy! The idea of watching a character go through hell at the hands of bad guys just to finally find a happy end is like the definition of everyone's favorite story.

In fact... people love Aventurine's suffering so much, they have invented whole new ways for him to suffer that aren't even in the game.

This is where we get all the headcanons that Aventurine was a sex slave, every single person he meets hates him because of his race, the Stonehearts are executioners holding knives to his throat, Jade enslaved him to the IPC with a lifelong contract, his material possessions belong to the company, the IPC is forcing him to take only the most dangerous missions where he is being required by his evil jailers to continually put his life on the line... You name it and I promise you, I can find a fanfic where Aventurine suffers from it. 😂

Bro can't even sleep in on his day off; life is so hard for this man.

Being serious: if the game is telling us that Aventurine is a victim... Why not make him the perfect victim?

Why not envision an Aventurine with no freedom, who bears no responsibility for any of the horrible situations he is in or any of the dubious things he does?

It's so natural to like that version of Aventurine, so appealing to see a totally powerless underdog use his own wits and charms to claw his way up to freedom. Or, if you're the kind who really relishes angst: It's even appealing to see Aventurine lose more. To delight in fics where he loses his wealth, where the IPC punishes him for past crimes while he's powerless to stop them... (I assure you, this is many people's cup of tea and the fanfics prove it!)

Ultimately, there's nothing wrong with liking characters who are exactly this straightforward! It's completely fine to embrace characters that are intentionally written to be morally above-board, whose primary role in the story is to generate angst by being a good person who suffers, or those characters who never show unlikable traits, bad decisions, or contradictory actions.

The problem is that that's just not who the game is telling us Aventurine is.

Hoyo may be capitalizing off people who love to envision poor Aventurine still living his life as a slave... But the game also needs to tell a complicated enough story overall to appeal to people who don't care about this specific husbando--Aventurine's role in the actual game's plot has to be interesting enough for almost everyone to appreciate it, not just Aventurine's simp squad. (Don't get mad, I'm in the simp squad with you.)

So his character doesn't stop at just being a pure-hearted victim who is still waiting to be saved.

Aventurine is not that easy to label, and I think the biggest struggle in this character's fandom right now is between people who prefer the even-more-angsty, still-a-slave Aventurine versus people who want a morally grey, self-destructive character instead.

To me personally, while I greatly understand the appeal of fanon!Aventurine and the joy of a really juicy angst fic where characters lose it all, I think that missing out on the depth that canon is suggesting would be a real loss on the fandom's part.

The character motivations that Aventurine shows in the game are complicated. They cancel each other out. They're basically self-harm! He makes almost every situation he's in worse for himself--on purpose.

He is a good person, but also a person who has done unspeakable things. He does have morals, but he's not above allowing those who don't have them to use him to their advantage.

He's both the victim and the victor. He's his own worst enemy. He's a lost little boy who's been making terrible decisions for himself since he was like eight years old, and a grown ass man who is barely managing to fake his way through an existence that destiny is not letting him quit.

This kind of character is a lot harder to embrace. He's done things that most people would find appalling--like willingly joining up with the organization that let his entire race be massacred. He's invented a whole new peacock persona to frivolously flaunt riches he doesn't even care about (Poison Dart Frog Self-Defense 101). He actively plays into racist stereotypes about his people to manipulate others through their preconceived expectations. He's made a mockery of his mother's and sister's hopes and dreams by endlessly trying to throw his own life away.

He has flaws! He bet everything he had on a ploy without doing his homework to find out if the people he was risking his life for were even still around. (Maybe he already knew, and couldn't bear to admit it, even to himself.) He's intentionally off-putting and obnoxious to everyone he meets (Poison Dart Frog Self-Defense 102). He terrifies everyone who gets close to him by (seemingly) carelessly throwing himself into the jaws of death without the slightest provocation.

He knowingly allows the IPC to exploit his power and talents for profit. Did everyone forget that his role in the Strategic Investment Department is asset liquidation?! Like, his actual day-to-day job is ruining people's lives. Canonically, Aventurine kills people when his deals go bad.

His motivations change off-screen in two lines of story text. We're told in one line that his biggest reason for joining the IPC was to make money to save the Avgin, then in the next line we find out that's impossible. And... then what? What motivations does he even have now? The whole point of his character arc from 2.0-2.1 is that he was on the edge of giving in to utter despair and nihilism because he couldn't even perceive a single reason to stay alive. He has no purpose in life before Penacony, and that didn't start with the Stonehearts at all??

People keep saying Aventurine was held in the IPC by golden handcuffs, but how do you tie down someone for whom profit is meaningless? What can you offer to a man whose only desire is to bring back something already lost forever? How do you imprison someone whose only definition of freedom is, canonically, death?

Working for the Stonehearts is obviously not healthy. But that's why Aventurine was doing it--because taking dangerous missions allowed him to put himself at risk. The job that he originally pursued hoping to save his people became a direct means to self-harm, and the IPC's only real role in that was just happily profiting off the results.

The journal entries for Aventurine's quests are there deliberately to tell the player what is on his mind, and none of it has to do with escaping from his job:

Like... Work is the least of this man's problems.

At really the risk of rambling on too long now, he's also just a massive walking contradiction:

Aventurine is among the most explicitly religious characters in the game, yet he's one of the only people in the entire game that we have ever seen actively question his people's aeon.

You might be tempted to think Aventurine's risky gambles with his life as an adult are a result of giving up after finding out about the Avgin massacre... Butttt no, Hoyo makes sure to tell us that even at knee-high in the Sigonian desert, Kakavasha was already willing to risk himself in a fight to the death against monsters because even back then he found his own life to have less value than a single memento.

He's the "chosen one" who will lead his people to prosperity... except they're all dead.

He's explicitly suicidal... andddd also a pathstrider of Preservation.

He wants to die... He doesn't want to die. He wants to make it end, yet goes to staggering lengths to continually survive. (Every plan risks his life on purpose--but every plan's win condition is also to live.) He life is the chip tossed down, but his hand is trembling beneath the table. When faced with an otherwise unsurvivable situation, Aventurine literally became a winner of the Hunger Games. He beat other innocent people to death with his own chain-bound hands just to come out alive.

He knows the IPC failed the Avgin and left them to die... and he still willingly sought out a position of power in their organization. Maybe he really is after revenge... but maybe not.

He starts his journey in the IPC with a truly noble goal in mind: to help his people using his newfound wealth and power. He's a good guy who did genuinely want to save the Avgin and repay all those who helped him. But once it became clear he was too late, once it was obvious he would have no use at all for that monetary wealth and power he risked his life to get... What did he do with it? Unlike Jade, we don't see him over here donating to orphanages. (I'm not that heartless; I'm sure he does actually do a lot of good things with his money on the side, but the point is that the game does not show us that--it shows us, over and over again, Aventurine putting on a wasteful, over-indulgent persona toward wealth. We've supposed to feel how meaningless money is to him, how meaningless everything is becoming to him.)

He outright refuses to use underhanded tactics or to cheat at gambles, which is meant to show us that's he's more morally upright than his coworkers. There's an entire exchange where he says that he'll never stoop to using manipulation the way Opal does. But... he doesn't have any issue fulfilling Opal's exact agenda. He was never remotely morally conflicted about denying the Penaconians their freedom by dragging Penacony back under IPC control.

He's willing to risk his own life, which is one thing--but he's also willing to risk other people's well-being. Topaz accuses him of constantly egging their clients on into dangerous situations; we've actively seen him shove a gun into Ratio's hands and pull the trigger with no care for how Ratio would feel about that on their very first meeting... Dragging the Astral Express crew into the entire Penacony plan in the first place was exceedingly dangerous...

To me, I just think it's vital to understand his character through the lens of these contradictions because they demonstrate the extreme polarity of Aventurine's life: from rags to riches, from powerless to empowered by multiple aeons, from willing to kill to survive to killing himself... He has quite literally lived a life of "all or nothing," and while he is the victim of many terrible situations out of his control, his arc as a character involves facing the truth of himself and the future his own actions are hurtling him toward.

Frankly, the Aventurine that canon is suggesting is a little annoying. You want to grab him by the shoulders, shake him, and say "Why are you like this?!" And he won't even have an answer for you, because he doesn't even know why he's still alive.

In the end, to me, this is so, so much more interesting. I can read an endless supply of hurt-comfort fics where Aventurine escapes the evil IPC and Ratio is there to fill the void in his life with the power of love and catcakes and be a perfectly happy clam online, but I want canon to continue to serve us this incredible mess of a man who constantly takes one step forward and two steps back.

Who is fully aware of his role as a cog in the grotesque profit-wheel of cosmic capitalism and still manages to say he never changed from the rags-wearing desert rat of the Sigonian wastes.

Who over and over again flirts with nihility but, ultimately, even if he has to wrest it from the grip of the gods themselves with bloody, chain-bound hands, chooses life.

[myokk]

💘

[chateautae]

hi <3

my lovelies are you still here? i'm thinking of dropping something 🥺

[genericpuff]

vent post

[fuumiku]

Happy new year!!

Some doodles I did today to unwind + test a lineart brush

[moe-broey]

Close ups on the pocket details!!! I'm SUPER happy w how the top pockets look 😳😳😳

I think the variety of pride pins with the moral panic button/Mr Faggot beadwork just. Really sells it. Shadow the Hedgehog voice Pee Your Pants. If you're going to be a shithead about me I'm going to be really annoying and do a bit about it. Plus the little golden angel pin... ALSO really pulls the whole thing together. "God help you" Right in front of my guardian angel? Really? 😒And how could I not make mention of. The Skull. I love you The Skull. It's a button (not sewn on yet, pinned) that I filled the details in w nail polish. Oh yeah! Besides the bottle cap pins (acrylics sealed with mod podge and a prayer), the biggest addition there is the chain lining the pocket flap! I think it looks SO SLICK

The pansy was gonna go on the queer side, but then I got the boutonniere idea! And I think it looks nice! Kinda adds to the asymmetry of the floral print/plaid blocking. And... of course.... I have... my friends...... 🥺 Biggest additions here are the glow-star pentagram pin, soda tabs and the heart locket!

I don't really have many new additions to the bottom pockets. Not yet! The only thing I did was stitch one side of the handcuff chain, and rearrange the pins holding up the other side. The cuffs/scorpion was just an impulse addition before going to a concert. But I do like it! And it looks even better now! Meanwhile, that other pocket, I actually have no idea what I'll do. Sakura is just there cause she matches really well, esp w the angel pin actually!

[lyrien-arts]

More OC art!

left to right: Taer, Lirien, Lirien again

details under cut

[olenvasynyt]

WIP Wednesday and hopefully a good omen for the start of the new year! Here’s a snippet of The End and The Beginning: a Lucien x Elain x Jesminda fic, along with random notes since it’s still a rough draft.

A short summary: Lucien and Elain have accepted the mating bond less than a year ago, but the anniversary of Jesminda’s death brings up painful memories and complicated feelings in Lucien. His mourning and guilt manifests as a bittersweet wetdream.

Lucien breathed in the smell of loam and lilac and cinnamon. Something cold and soft pressed against his cheek. He laid on a forest floor, the moss as his pillow, the leaves as his blanket…there was something heavy in the air, like smoke or a cloud of fog.

He stood, pressing his hand into the crumbled leaves to steady himself. The forest around him was a rich collection of jewel-colored trees—topaz oak with bronze and copper trunks, mahogany made of garnet and rubies…But the tree that stood about him was bare. A sycamore, with ivory bark underneath a peeling and scaly silver.

A raven sat on one of the bare branches. It blinked its dark black eyes and cawed mockingly at him before taking flight over his head. He turned to watch it go, and when its black body disappeared through the colorful foliage, a familiar voice echoed behind him.

“Lucien.”

He turned, the air moving around him as a current of red and gold.

She stood behind him, the sycamore tree bone white against her dark brown dress. Red and tan patterns of geometric lines and delicate autumn leaves climbed up her sleeves and lined the collar. The tarnished bell earrings at her ears tinkled in an autumn wind.

Jesminda. Jesminda, Jesminda, Jesminda. Her name was an echo, a heartbeat, a deep thumping of a drum.

She stepped closer, the smile on her face making the bow of her lip crinkle. “You look more handsome with a scar.” Her voice was distant yet unbearably close, quiet and deafening as a roaring river.

Something tugged in him. A strange, familiar feeling akin to longing and pain and unbearable sadness. He touched his cheek, feeling the raised, calloused skin that went from his eye to his jawline. “I was afraid you wouldn’t notice,” he answered, his eyes fixed on her. His voice sounded younger, like his past self was nestled underneath his skin. “I was hoping you would take pity on me.”

“Bravery and foolishness are often confused with each other,” Jesminda said. But no, that voice echoed from behind him. Lucien turned, the autumn air swirling around him, turning green and purple and fuschia…

Elain stood behind him. Her dress was a bright, soft lavender, with white lace framing the collar. A necklace of pearls hung around her neck, coupled with twin earrings. A spring forest bursting with lilac trees and cherry blossoms bloomed behind her. A few petals drifted around her golden brown head and changed into autumn leaves right before his eyes.

She smiled. “Lucien,” she whispered in Jesminda’s voice.

Notes: Elain and Jesminda both approach him, Elain in front of him and Jesminda behind him. Ooooh symbolism, good job, Dana! Jesminda wraps her hands around Lucien’s waist while Elain kisses him.

Jesminda’s presence loomed behind him, while Elain pressed her lips to his. Scaly hands slid down his waist; Jesminda was holding him, pressing her warm body into his and laying her forehead against the blade of his shoulder. Their smells mingled together: lilac and apples, honey and incense and spice. Lucien felt like crying as Elain kissed him, felt like screaming as Jesminda’s hands brushed his skin.

So different, Autumn and Spring were. A world full of opposites—happiness and despair, comfort and hurt, life and death…the contradictions swirled and blended into one. They balanced each other, they fit as one coherent thing. The beginning and the end.

He never felt so full and so empty. So happy and so unbearably sad.

[spock-adoodledoo]

even if basen is always gonna be a side character i love him... his gimmick of herculean strength is literally always a gag and yet he struggles so much because of it. his buttons are fun to press and he doesn't have just two unlike lahans older brother (ok he has about 3). he still has a baby face and is 19 and still hasn't gotten laid in a setting where most people have at least had sex if not children a couple years earlier. guy got unwanted advances from jinshi bc he misunderstood it as some kind of normal duel instead of romance power struggles. can lecture maomao on a detailed history of li's founding (probably rote memory he was ordered to learn), but otherwise a bit too naive and oblivious and unsubtle. loyal to a fault. he described aduo as a proud hunting dog (what's jinshi then??). has a complex abt women that hes slowly working on. single dad to a duck that got his love life together and is constantly in danger of being cooked. how is it to have your dad be one of your superiors and your milk brother be another and you could beat both of them in brute strength but not in cleverness?? also how is it falling in love at first sight and sacrificing everything for someone you've barely talked to? how is it being raised by your sister bc your mom is busy with the emperor's younger brother and then serving the guy you were milk brothers w and grew up with

edit: anyways Basen likers hmu im always looking for side character enjoyers

[transgenderprototype]

Ill go onto someone's profile and their pinned post will have like "DNI IF YOU SUPPORT [insert artist] ILL BLOCK YOUR ASS IF YOU REBLOG THEIR ART anyway u can dm me if you want more info on why i have a vitriolic hatred for this person, i pwomise it wont be biased and full of bullshit :3"

Ill be like "okay thats fucking stupid, im not dm'ing them for what'll clearly be a biased response. I should probably look more into it.

I find out why.

"Oh these are lies. These are lies being spread because someone leaked a queer person's nsfw alt and found something they could twist into being "morally wrong" and theyre still continuing as the artist clarifies that what they drew isnt [whatever theyre trying to twist it into]."

[incandescentflower]

Wandee Goodday has me so messed up that I can't decide if I would rather have had the "parents' deaths are related" nonsense rather than having Dee's trauma wrapped up in part 4/4 of an episode.

Of course, we still have Dee yet to say I love you or call Yak his boyfriend. If they presented that moment as Dee's big epiphany and then have him back away from it AGAIN? I can't be held accountable for my actions hahaa

[fullscoreshenanigans]

What do you think a REN wedding would be like?

I feel like there would be one! Possibly two!

REN enthusiasts have been blessed with some absolute gems of fanfics that I've adopted as my own personal canon on this topic, making me very fond of Emma learning about weddings from the books' in Grace Field's library and immediately thinking of course she and her two best friends should have one. They've been inseparable since she arrived at the house, and she can't imagine her days without either of them, so the only solution is for all three of them to marry each other.

I adore the way Ray's chapter of Between Your Fingers, Between the Lines by honeynpeaches opens when he's around six years old and Emma dropping flower crowns on the boys' heads, declaring they'll be wed that very day.

Everything about this little snapshot is perfect. Emma walking onto the scene framed in the imagery of a halo. Norman being an adorably smitten baby going on the fritz for the first few minutes of the entire conversation. Ray being an amalgam of emotions held together with a rubber band on the verge of snapping. His reaction to Emma's quick and casual defiance of whatever she deems arbitrary is a wonderful blend of comedic and heartbreaking. The pure frustration at her flippancy born out of a deep and endearing love that trumps his fear of the whatever consequences result from confronting Isabella.

But he sees how Emma and Norman smile, and he can’t deny them. He’s never been able to. Not really. Not when it matters most…He’d give anything for them, and he already knows it.

Down to the more minute gestures of Norman moving to calm Ray after he's calmed himself down in a familiar, reassuring rhythm

(Chapter 28 Bonus Comic about Chapter 14's flashback)

with the gentle placement of his hand over the other boy's, and Emma taking his other hand to move close to her heart to subconsciously convey how much it would mean to her to be able to reify their bond through such a ceremony, even if it's only pretend.

For how their play wedding goes, I love what @carnivorouswillgraham does in w.a.m.s. that I've already gushed about here

But aaah do I love the idea of the music box Emma received from Isabella as her gift being the musical accompaniment to their ceremony.

(Mystic Code Book Chapter 1 Q&A)

In addition to them just all being adorable little babies enjoying the chance to recreate such an important ceremony between all three of them, even if just pretend.

Baby Ray going through an existential crisis but still trying to be present for his bffs/soon-to-be spouses and genuinely finding some solace in these moments with them that will solidify his resolve to confront Isabella in just a few days.

Just continue to fucking gut me.

For adulthood, I'm half and half of whether they'd have one, but if they do and Emma regains her memories, I imagine it playing out very similar to how it does in @salsae's to have and to hold, which I've gushed about a bit already here.

All of their friends and family gathered together at one of their homes or whichever quiet venue could accommodate such a large gathering, some of their siblings walking them down the aisle as Nat plays the piano, Emma in relaxed summer attire befitting or her kind and free spirit, incorporating the paper cups as part of the vows and the galaxying braining of turning it into a REN thing rather than solely an NE one, the trio taking turns crying out of joy (because ofc they can't all cry at the same time), Ray somehow getting roped into catering his own fucking wedding…it all comes together in such a beautifully brilliant way that I can't really think of anything to be altered except Alex walking Emma down the aisle.

If Emma doesn't regain her memories, I'd still imagine something similar playing out with it being a lowkey event in someone's backyard, but there's less chance of Ray prioritizing getting NE together separate from him (for a while) because in his mind they're forever classified as a matching set that he's not a part of

(2020 Exhibition Interview)

And more of a chance of them officially getting together as a trio to start off due to both the search for Emma leading Norman and Ray to grow closer in her absence (while holding off on progressing further in a relationship until reunited with their third) and then all three of them navigating her memory loss.

[we-are-dogclan]

ouuugh motivation come back to me……… com e back…

[whos-hotter-jjba]

Hottest JJBA Outfit Bracket - Round 2 Match 4

[good-beanswrites]

A little something featuring Fuuta and Es after talking about their criminal lack of interaction in fanworks with @waivyjellyfish ! You had such awesome ideas (a few of which I'm still bouncing around in my head to post at some point,) but this one ended up taking over my brain -- I hope you enjoy 😅 Attempting to answer the widely-debated question:

“Oi, why didn’t you hit me?”

Es looked up from their paperwork.

“Prisoner number three. Most people are glad when they’re not struck.”

“Well, I’m not.” 

Es usually left the door open at this hour, in case anyone had any last-minute complaints before curfew. No one usually took them up on the offer. They figured that if there was any prisoner they could count on to complain, it would be Fuuta marching through their door.

“You hit all the other guys. You even hit some of the girls that were giving you trouble. So what? You think I’m too weak? You think I can’t take it?” Fuuta spread his arms. “I can, so show me what you’ve got!”

Es sighed. They put down their pen. They folded their gloved hands together, resting their chin on top. “Fuuta, I’m not going to hit you.”

“Why not?”

“As of right now, I have no reason to. If you’re referring to the interrogations…”

They reflected on the first one they'd shared with him. To be fair, the thought had crossed their mind. It would have been satisfying to give this rowdy prisoner a taste of his own medicine – striking him after such a dramatic charge at them. But Es was always good at reading people. It didn’t take them long to understand Fuuta was the type to lash out first and ask questions later. In fact, that was likely what had landed him in Milgram in the first place. 

Although Es knew they weren’t here to do any reformation, they wanted to try to show these prisoners where they’d gone wrong. So, they resolved to act as the bigger person. They’d prove that senseless violence was just that. By keeping their composure, they’d show Fuuta just how childish he was being. 

That wasn’t my only reason. I guess that's true, my actions weren’t all purely righteous. I still spent the entire time looking for ways to make him squirm… But it wasn’t all cruelty. I really did want to understand. I wanted to help. That counts for something, right?

Es never struck the prisoners out of anger, or as a petty show of power. It was a way to force the prisoner to mind their ego. When they’d gotten a bit too full of themselves, a bit too comfortable with the awful deed they’d committed, Es’ blow encouraged them to feel a bit more humility and guilt. 

By the time the second trial arrived, Fuuta oozed guilt. 

The moment Es entered the interrogation room, it was clear that he needed no lesson in humility. He hugged his arms to his chest. His remaining eye darted around the room in thinly-veiled hysteria. His voice trembled when he spoke. It didn’t require any people-reading skills to hear the remorse that underlaid all of his accusations and threats.

Hitting the others felt like giving a dog a tap on the nose after breaking a rule. Meanwhile, Fuuta snapped and snarled like a stray who’d been kicked time and time again.

Of course, he could never know any of this. Any way Es phrased it, Fuuta would misunderstand it as pity.

Well, wasn’t it? I thought he looked like a kicked puppy – that sounds a lot like pity. No, it was out of respect. Does that mean I didn’t respect the prisoners I did hit? No. I respected them too. Then, what’s the difference?

Fuuta was still staring at them, asking the very same question. What’s the difference?

“Each of Milgram’s prisoners is unique.” 

They were met with an unimpressed glare.

Es chose their words carefully. “Each one responds best to a variety of treatments. Some need attention to be comfortable, while others need time. Some need validation in order to confess. Others, a bit of debate does the trick. Some need a show of force. You –” remind me too much of myself  “– require something else. I’ve learned to change my approach depending on the person I’m dealing with.”

Fuuta’s features flashed with confusion, then shame, then his usual mask of anger. “Tch. How pathetic.”

“Excuse me?”

“So you just change your personality when it’s convenient? You put up fake smiles and fake attitude? Have some balls and just be yourself.”

Es was caught by surprise. “... I am. Those are all pieces of myself. I choose to bring out different parts when it would be most helpful.” 

“Sounds manipulative as hell to me.” 

It makes sense he doesn’t understand. He’s a very clear-cut person, with every aspect of his personality lining up in a way that makes sense. I find that predictability fun. Or, is it something that I envy? Could it be both?

They had no time to dwell on it, as Fuuta was struck with an idea. “Though, if you can do it on command, why don’t you give me the ‘you’ that wants to hit someone?” 

He spread his arms once more, hands gesturing to his chest. Es pretended not to notice him wince. They remained in their seat. 

“What are you waiting for? Hit me!” 

“I will not.”

“You just said you can change your personality on a whim, so let’s see it!” 

“That is not what I said.”

His good eye began to look frenzied. He raised his voice. “You scared? The big bad warden of Milgram, nothing but a big coward!”

“Stop this. You’re acting childish.”

“No! You’re treating me childishly! Let me see the Es that kicked Shidou! The one that slapped Kazui! Treat me like you treated them!”

“I hit them because they said something stupid. They deserved it.”

“Are you fucking kidding? I deserve it too! I deserve it! Come on!”

At the last word, his voice broke. He stumbled to his knees. He let his head drop. He sucked in strained breath after strained breath. Shidou would surely give him a lecture about getting so worked up with his injuries. 

Es finally stood.

They made their way around the desk. They knelt on the floor in front of him. 

“Why?” he wheezed. “Tell me…”

“Fuuta.” 

Should I just go ahead and do it, just to make him happy? No, I want to talk it out. But what do even I say? I'll tell him that I care. I can’t. None of the prisoners understand that I care. Why? Why is it so hard for them to see? I’m trying my best, why can’t they see? 

Es extended their hand carefully. They didn’t know what they hoped to accomplish, but in that moment their thoughts were too loud and conflicting. They needed to do something.

Fuuta saw the gentle intention, and immediately raised his own hand to strike. It froze midair, though whether it was from Milgram’s restrictions or his own hesitation, Es would never know.

Neither of their gestures connected.

Footsteps. Then Yuno’s voice, hesitantly from the doorway. “We heard shouting, is everything alright in here?”

Es retracted their hand.  A beat. Fuuta dropped his, too. 

“Yuno. Yes, we’re fine. Fuuta was just heading to bed. I’m going to walk him to his cell.”

“I can handle myself.”

“I said, I’m going to walk him to his cell.” 

Es stood, nodding to Yuno. When she’d gone, they turned their attention back to the prisoner crumpled on the ground. They made an effort to quiet their ever-racing thoughts. 

“Listen. I know you can handle yourself. I’m not doing this because I think you’re weak. You’re strong. Don’t think for a moment that I don’t see that.”

They held out their arm to help him up. He didn’t move.

“Sometimes you are a bit too strong, if you ask me. I mean, picking fights with your prison warden, really?” They clicked their tongue. “You should be grateful for a superior that gives you second chances.”

At last, Fuuta  took their hand. He avoided meeting their eyes, but his voice had softened considerably from his rant. “The only thing you give me is a headache.”

Es offered a dry smile as they pulled him to his feet. “The feeling is mutual.”