#mans is telling us about putting the dishes away and im like dude do you even know what my first words were 😭 WHO PLAYS HERRRR

[elytrafemme]

my dad is objectively really funny because he, like, LARPs as a domestic man teaching us the cold hard lessons of adulthood but like... i genuinely do not think this man knows how to change a diaper nor do i think he knows how to cook any better than i do so like what’s going on here 💀

[calehenituseappreciation]

Ive seen a lot of Dream (and usually Techno and Phil too) as gods au (i have one too dw) but all of you are sleeping on the funniest option.

Tommy is the god.

Tommy.

hes the only one in that galaxy (other than drista ofc)

Just imagine how fucking funny it is like 

it would be so fucking hilarious

and tommy just doesnt tell them

so techno is just there making all these blood god jokes and jokingly telling tommy to serve him and tommys just laughing

imagine a god in the form of a chaotic 16 year old racoon gremlin just walts into your land commits arson and gets banned, only to come back with another person who he helps start a nation for drugs?

imagine how fucking funny it is

just

imagine tubbo banning a literal god from his lands and he just doesnt come back? he just plays by the rules? then goes and like sits in the corner all sad because some humans/dreamons told him to leave

ranboo, just joining the server: hi-  a chaotic gremlin god: wanna commit arson with me?  ranboo, just trying to vibe and maybe not disturb this god: sure 

Phil and Ranboo recongnize Tommy as a god on sight.

Everyone else just refuses to believe it. hes Tommy. Tommyinnit. hes just weird lol

And Drista being a fucking chaotic blood god? 

drista is open about her godhood and does not hesitate to spawn blocks

Drista finds Dream and decides she likes this small human, and dream just has to deal with it lmao.

drista and tommy are both born at the same time.

Tommy is a god of music, chaos, war and theivery (the last one bc he is a BITCH)

Drista is the blood god, chaos, deception, and theatre

okay but imagine the sbi interactions... like ig in this au tommy joins at like 12/13 years of age (in their minds) so he doesnt really grow much 

and like tommy, a literal god, just claiming phil as his father???

phil, in his house making eggs, assuming one of his sons woke up and came to the kitchen, not looking: hey son  tommy, from their couch, already deciding hes phils son now: whats up dad? phil: looks up at tommy who are you tommy: idk dad, who am i  phil: *stares at tommy for a second* eh i made extra eggs you can stay 

ASJIDGASUIOG IMAGINE TOMMY TELLING THEM HES A GOD BUT THEY THINK HES JOKING AND IGNORE HIM

everyone on the server: tommy is the youngest! tommy, as old as the universe: no im not!!!! im not a child!!!! he doesnt pout because pouting is for children and hes not a child but hes pouting tubbo: lol im older than you by a month tommy dont try to hide it tommy: im not a child!!!! techno: laughs

tommy doesn't try to hide that hes a god just its tommy

thats all the evedince anyone needs to think tommy isnt a god or powerful its like mcc hes good but only when he doesnt throw for content

quackity: sees drista written in bedrock lmao drista visited? tommy: yeah! i wrote that for her!  quackity: snorts yeahhhh sureee tommy

imagine like how fucking funny it is jsut like 

a fucking chaotic god breaks into your house androbs you makes a room under your house and decides to live in your floorboards

imagine dream like trying to manipulate tommy, and tommy a fucking anchient diety immeditly recongnizes what hes doing

but decides to play along for the angst and giggles and then actually gets mad when no one fucking cares for his theatrics

tommy, storming off to technos base to rob and build under: >:///// cant believe none of them acknoledged my  deppression 

i love that tommy stills robs everyone, he doesnt need to he can spawn in anything he wants

he just does it for the sport of robbery

JAKOGFSDOH

THE HOLY LAND

dream: im god actually tommy: thats so fucking funny lets make a cult about that :)  dream: see! look! im god! and jesus!  tommy: wheezing

imagine tommy getting stressed and letting go of his mortal form

Tommy, his human form peeling away, showing his actual form a bit: WH̸͘A͠T̷ ̶̢T͞H͢E ̡͘F̴̵͘Ù̧C͜K҉ ̶T͘͜͞E͟CHǸ͏Ǫ  Techno: HAH?

tommy just saw tubbo and got emotionally attached

Tommy, a literal god: hello Tubbo: oh hi do you like my pet bee? Tommy: you’re mine now Tubbo: im okay with this

tommy, a bored god: gives techno shapeshifting powers  techno, not even caring: changes into more human to pig-ishg forms as he wishes this is my life now ig 

phil lets tommy do fuck all in exile bc he knows hes a god hes fine

phil: IDC IF YOURE A GOD! YOU WILL DO THE DISHES NOW YOUNG MAN! tommy: grumbles but does them

phil is the only one who can control tommy

god... tommy... with star freckles... on his human form... (as well as his god one)

tommy: f̷͛͠a̵̋t̵̒̑h̸̚e̶̓͝r̸͊ ̸̐̒i̴ ̸̅̿d̷̉͆o̵͂͋ ̵̛̆ñ̸̾ő̶́t̸̎́ w̶͆͘i̴͠s̵̓̈́h̸͗́ ̵̯͗f̶͋́ő̴͑r̷̐̌ ̶͝é̵̽g̸͊͂g̵̒s̷͂̃  phil: idc, eat your goddamn eggs tommy: pouts

tommy, despite being able to get supplies himself by fucking spawning them in: hey tubbo? we need supplies 

In this au ig like if a god claims you you get a mark on your skin showing that. Drista’s would be like a green crown, Tommys would be a red and white disk (white as the outer ring and red as the center) (its different enough that if you don’t realise tommy is a god you wouldnt realise whos it is) (schlatt is the only one who never had one which shoulda been a sign dude :/)

Dream has two from the beginning, everyone else has only one, well until they meet drista. (sbi have had one since they met tommy, though they dont remember the first time they met tommy)

wait what if tommy like found them all as children one by one and later kinda pulled some strings to get them all in one kingdom. (he still joined sbi through forcing phil to adopt him) 

OKAY BUT IMAGINE IF TOMMY MET TECHNO WHEN TECHNO WAS YOUNG ENOUGH TO NOT REMEMBER

tommy would hang out with baby techno and tell him stories

once he told him the story of a man named thesus

another time he told him the story of a blood god

like for example tommys first time meeting techno would be like

(for context techno lived in a shitty village and was an orphan and it was kinda a dog eat dog place, he learned how to be strong because of it)(he was young enough that he doesn’t remember this well, just like learning about the blood god and someone giving him gold)

baby techno: sighs tommy, appearing out of nowhere: oh heyyy whyre you sad? techno: jumps turning around with a knife up ready for a fight who are you tommy: im tommy! :) techno: what do you want from me! you dont scare me! tommy: whats your name! techno: i have a knife! i'll use it! tommy: of course, thats a given, but its rude not to tell people your name techno, confused: t-technoblade? tommy: smiles thats a nice name techno: so. tommy: hm? techno: why're you here tommy: i don't have a reason. im just a traveller! techno: then why hole to this terrible village! theres nothing nice here! everyone is terrible and so are you! tommy: hmmmm i dont agree techno: what are you? a child? i thought adults were supposed to know that everyone is mean tommy: mmhmm looks at the bruise on technos face where'd you get that? techno: fight. i won. i'll win against you too! so don't try anything. tommy: of course. i would never win in a fight against a blood god techno, putting down his knife a bit, stars in his eyes: blood god? tommy: grins blood. god. i think she'd like you. techno, muttering: maybe i can give the blood god some of your blood tommy: laughs yeah, she'd defenitly find you intresting tommy: here tosses techno a golden crown at techno, he spawned it in in the moment techno: whats this? tommy: a crown, thought it suit you screams in the distance tommy: huh. i need to go. have fun lil piglin. ruffles technos hair before running off towards the screaming unbeknownst to the pig the blood god was actually the one waiting for the god he met. techno: stares at the crown 

Techno found a pouch of gold in his ‘house’ later that day. he didnt know who left it but it helped him get food for that night. (he kept the crown)

okay but imagine tommy not taking the war seriously at all, and only seeing it as a squabble between mortals, Like toddlers fighting

dream: SURENDER BY TOMMOROW OR WE'LL DECLARE WAR! wilbur: FUCK YOU WE'LL NEVER SURENDER AND JOIN YOUR SMP! Tommy: how cute

tommy doesnt realise that theyre serious until wilbur dies

tommy would usually go apeshit against anyone who dares messes with his humans, but what is he supposed to do when his humans are fighting Eachother?

wilbur: fucking goes insane and dies  tommy: hey- hey can you guys let me talk to wil for a sec? everyone else leaves tommy, unsually somber: sorry i didnt help you i forgot how easily breakable mortals are tommy: this time you wont die, and i'll make it so that you dont break again, okay? tommy: brings wilburs soul out of its body and enters his mindscape ghostbur: wakes up what- where am i? tommy: hi there ghostbur: who are you tommy: i go by a lot of names all, one, you, the world, the universe, god, but you can just call me tommy ghostbur: oh okay. who am i? tommy: you're name was wilbur soot. you were the son of philza minecraft and brother to Technoblade, Tubbo and myself. ghostbur: was? tommy: well you see, you died. ghostbur: oh... well what am i then? tommy: a ghost! well actually its your choice. would you like to continue your existance or fade away with your body? ghostbur: i dont want to fade away! tommy: smiles thats what i thought you'd say stretches his hand to wilbur ghostbur: grabs tommy hand tommy: lets go home

ghostbur doesnt remember that though

he only remembers the good

tommy wont let him remember the bad, what if he breaks again? mortals are so fragile

phil realises what tommy did as soon as he sees ghostbur 

drista, painting tommys nails (there both in god form btw) (after wilburs death btw): tommy shouldn't you of all gods realise how fragile they are?  tommy: i know just... forgot  drista: sighs and nods i get what you mean, especially with the ones we found... they act a lot like gods sometimes i forgot they arent  tommy: ikr? wait- drista here gets drista's hair out of her face you were gonna get it on my nails, anyways, don't judge me. we all know if dream died you would turn him into a ghost too drista: smirks not if you do it first, we all know you would tommy: you say that as if you wouldn't fight me to do it first  drista: .... tommy: ... drista: both of us when he dies? tommy: nods tommy: anyways my turn to do your nails 

or like tommy with ghostbur like

ghostbur: i don't like this :( tommy, a worried brother and god: whats wrong? ghostbur: everyone is mad at me and i d-dont know why- why are they mad at me tommy: theyre mad at something alivebur did ghostbur: b-but im not alivebur sniffs it hurts. i dont like it. tommy: spawns in some blue here ghostbur: whats that? tommy: its some blue! it'll help you not hurt anymore! ghostbur: how does it work? tommy: see how its blue? ghostbur: nods tommy: well its blue because it sucks up all the bad feelings! it'll help ghostbur: !!!!! ghostbur: presses the blue into his chest ghostbur: !!!!its working!!!! :D tommy: smiles good

wilbur fucking died and tommy went from annoying little brother to caring older brother

tommy just wants to help his brother :) though he doesnt realise that not letting ghostbur remember bad memories isnt good

*at logsted shire btw* ghostbur: who are you? tommy, chuckling: did you forget me already ghostbur? ghostbur: i didnt forget you! i think! you're tommy! i just... you're different tommy, looks over at ghostbur: different how? ghostbur: you're not normal are you? tommy: grins whaaaaat? you think im weirdddd? how heartbreaking... my own brother thinks im weird, this is terrible ghostbur: giggles tommy: but really, don't worry about it bur. ghostbur: you sure? tommy: yeah, dont worry about me ghostbur: smiles okay! do you want some blue anyways? tommy: giggles sure! ghostbur: grins

ghostbur isnt worried about tommy

he knows hes strong

phil having to tell tommy that he cant just not let wilbur remember the bad memories

and tommys like "what if he breaks again!" and phil hugs him and tells him to at least ask ghostbur if he wants to remember and tommys like ‘fine’

tommy: hey bur? ghostbur: yeah? tommy: do you like you're memories? ghostbur: i mean, yeah its hard not to when you only remember the good tommy, quietly: would you want to remember the bad? ghostbur: w-what brought this question on tommy: answer the question ghostbur: no- alivebur was badi shouldn't want to- tommy: but what do you want bur? wilbur, silent for a moment: yeah- yeah i do. not that i like the bad memories! they hurt... but i wish i could remember tommy: ... ghostbur: hey tommy? tommy: yeah? ghostbur, with tears in his eyes: do you think they'd be less mad at me if i could remember, maybe then i could repair my relationships, what the hell am i supposed to do when i dont even remember hurting them? tommy: what if they dont? what if you break again? ghostbur, saltily: we'll maybe i'll be able at least be able to say i know why everyone hates me tommy: i know how to get all of your memories back ghostbur, looks towards tommy in shock: you do??? tommy: nods ghostbur, voice wavering: for how long tommy: since the beginning ghostbur: and you didnt tell me tommy: i did what i thought was best. i just didnt want you to hurt anymore. ghostbur, angrily: WELL THAT CLEARLY WORKED DIDNT IT? tommy: sorry wilbur, sometimes i forget how to handle humans ghostbur: what- tommy: sighs and taps ghostbur on the forehead and ghostbur does the ghost equivilent of passing out tommy: wont hide any memories this time

ghostbur doesnt wake up, instead wilbur wakes up weither thats good or bad we'll see

wilbur, waking up with all his memories: HOLY SHIT TOMMY WASN'T KIDDING phil, who was reading beside the bed tommy placed wilbur into, which was in technos house. yes he broke into technos house with a passed out wilbur. move on.: hm? wilbur: holy shit phil: huh? yeah. wilbur: wait you knew? phil: yeah i recongnized him as soon as i saw him about 5 years ago now? wilbur: excuse me while i freak out because my little brother is an actual god

it really hits wilbur that tommy is a god later

wilbur: hey tommy? tommy: yeah? wilbur: how fucking old are you? tommy: snorts of course thats the first thing you ask wilbur: well? tommy: i dont really know the exact years since years are kind of a human thing that were invented recently wilbur: they were invented thousands of years ago- tommy: but it was around the beginning of this galaxy wilbur, softly: what the fuck

tommy telling wilbur stories about different heros and villains and different humans he met during his life.

Adsjbffsg what if Tommy made himself blonde and blue eyed and white bc thats hyow the first human he met looked like asjfhsd

and just didnt change that, despite meeting new humans, its just his defult settings.

he would totally do this tho im crying.

drista just based her human form off dream because she is his sister now. he must deal with this. trying disowning me when i look like you BITCH.

thats my take anyways later might continue this

[revchainsaw]

The Crow (1994)

Alright Cult of Cult. Do I really need to introduce this one? Let's get all 90s and gothy and maybe brace ourselves for a bit of cringe, but like in a fun way. It's the Holy Grail of Hot Topic, 1994's the Crow Starring Brandon Lee.

Sermon

Apparently before the auto industry totally crashed Detroit was already a total fucked to death pile of burning shit, or at least that's what the crow would have you believe. Sorry Bruce Campbell, and other people from Detroit, but mostly Bruce Campbell. According to the Crow the city of Detroit is the kind of place where gangs of warlock anarchist arsonists will bomb buildings, and murder and rape whoever they feel like and then walk around bragging about it the next day with absolutely zero consequences. Funny then that if Detroit was so bad they had to go to film this movie in Wilmington North Carolina which is definitely a fucked to death pile of burning shit. I can say that, I'm from there and I got the fuck out. My brother is going to kill me if he ever reads this. (It's okay, these are all jokes people). Did you know they also filmed the Super Mario Bros movie there ... also cuz they needed a really shitty looking distopia. Moving on ...

The ludicrous criminality of the Crow's Detroit is particularly on display on Halloween. In Detroit (apparently) Halloween is known as Devils Night and it's legitimately just a night of pure lawlessness and chaos and kids aren't even safe to get candy, except later when we do see trick or treaters. Eric Draven, hunky goth rocker who sort of looks like he could be Bruce Lee's Kid and his fiance are murdered by a gang of vicious criminals. One year hence, Eric is resurrected by a mystical crow (that is actually a Raven), to exact his revenge on the gang that murdered him.

He paints his face like sad Alice Cooper and refuses to listen to Joy Division, just covers. He murders Tin Tin (a knife guy) just for his long gothy duster, he murders Fun Boy and forcibly ejects heroine from her arms and tells her "Go be a good mom now" which actually works. (have I told you about our Lord and Savior Sting? He gave me the strength to get off drugs), he blows T Bird up dick first, and then comes for Skab? Scraap? Scooby? in a meeting of all of Detroits villains and just about kills them all.

He is supported by the most 90s little girl to have ever graced the screen, and I am here for it, and Officer Albrecht, who's played by Ernie Hudson but I like to call him Zeddemore: The Most Underrated Ghostbuster. The leader of the bad guys, who I cannot beleive wasn't played by Brad Dourif or Tom Waits, is pretty interested in the occult. He keeps his witchy girlfriend around and she makes him fun dishes like smoked eyeballs, and her main use is that she knows that the Crow is the Crows weakness. They set Tony Fucking Todd on the bird, and I guess you just have to hurt the bird and not kill it, and Eric loses his healing factor and other macabre undead powers.

The Crow, Jimmy the Raven, pecks out Dr. Girlfriends eyeballs, I honestly forget how Tony Todd gets offed, and Top Dollar gets Gargoyled (that is impaled on a gargoyle). Funnily enough that is more Gargoyle related impaling on screen then in the actual movie Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness where a Gargoyle is supposed to have impaled a guy.

The Benediction

Best Feature: Injustice League

In the Crow we have not only a set of super memorable villains but they are played by the bad guy all stars. John Polito as the most lowly of the bad guys as a kind of sleazy pawn shop owner who buys ill gotten gains. Tony Todd, who's size is really on display here, the freaking Candy Man is in this movie. T Bird is the head of Top Dollars goons and is played by David Patrick Kelly, you might know as the "Warriors Come Out and Play!!" bottle guy from the Warriors, or as Jimmy Horne from Twin Peaks, and of course Top Dollar himself is played by Michael Wincott. Wincott is not a particularly celebrated actor but has played villains effectively in Robin Hood, the Three Musketeers, and Dead Man.

Best Set Piece: Detroit Style Hot Dogs

The Set design of the Crow is perhaps one of it's most fantastic features. It's very moody and ethereal. It's just real enough to not take you out of the film, but fantastic enough to set mood and theme above realism. From Eric Draven's apartment, to the church where the final battle occurs they are all fantastic. I think that's why I really wanted to shine the spot light on a very minor set piece that would get nary a mention but just as effectively represents the qualities I was just talking about and that is the Maxi Doggs Hot Dog Stand, where a lot of the films exposition for audience surrogates takes place.

Worst Effect: Freeze Frame

At a few points in the movie the film makers made a strange decision to do these freeze frame transitions. I only noticed it twice in the movie where it was particularly stupid. I'm sure the film makers at the time thought it was a moody and atmospheric choice that highlighted the suffering that Eric Draven was going through, but it didn't age well. If you don't have the sensibilities of a goth girl from 1994 then it's very very hard not to laugh at just how self involved the movie is about it's super sadness.

Worst Feature: Tragic Accident

Solely based on the film itself, it is that very gothic and dated sensibility that hurts the Crow. The little sarcastic dance he does when he flees the police, quoting Edgar Allen Poe, and bowing to Albrecht. These affected behaviors that I'm sure seemed snarky and right on to the target audience only serve to make Eric Draven seem like an unbearable neck beard edgelord and not the troubled dark soul he's supposed to be. I'm sure at the time it seemed unique and gothy but that shit went out of style for good reason, people could see through it. It's a shame that the Crow himself was some of the cringiest parts of this movie now that I'm seeing it as an adult and not a 13 year old middle class boy with no real problems.

This however is not the low point of the movie. It's not news now and if you're reading some dudes review of The Crow on Tumblr then you probably already know the story. The worst thing about The Crow is that Brandon Lee was horrifically killed on set while filming this movie due to some negligible prop malfunctions. A series of unfortunate events that lead to the actor spending 6 hours in surgery fighting for his life before eventually passing. It was not a quick or painless death and it's really impossible to watch the movie without an appreciation for the fact that this kind of fun dark adventure was going to be a vehicle for Brandon Lee's career wound up taking his life. He was 28. I really wish I could have just bitched about the goofy goth stuff and moved on, but that's not the world we live in.

Best Effect: The Gargoyling

Maybe I should have called this best kill. But I'm not sure which it is. The slaying of Top Dollar at the Climax of the film was just super effective. The pointed wings impaling his chest and that horn coming out of his mouth, it was morbid and excellent and just fit the tone of the movie perfectly. I mean how many other movies can you say Cause of Death: Impaled on a Gargoyle.

Best Bird: The Raven

I tried very hard to look up the name of the bird that primarily performed in this movie and could not find anything. There was a Raven once upon a time called Jimmy the Raven, but that was in the 50s and I don't think birds live that long. There was a team of Ravens performing as the crow, they were chosen over crows for their larger size, and more imposing silhouettes. I just think it's so wonderful to see these often maligned birds get a chance to show off their talents. Corvids of all kinds are incredibly intelligent creatures. Im a sucker for animals, if you haven't already figured that out. I really liked seeing the ravens hit their marks, particularly the one whos job it was to drop the wedding ring into Sarah's hand at the end of the film. You can see that greedy little bastard do his trick and then look of camera at his trainer like "treat please!". It's very cute.

Best Actor: Top Dollar Performance

I'd love to take this opportunity to just put praise upon Brandon Lee, he truly gave everything for this role, but unfortunately with what was put to film we actually have very few character moments with Eric Draven. Stuff happens to him, and he does killings and fights. There's definitely some personality, but I felt like I walked away knowing almost nothing about who Eric Draven was. He was clearly a good dude but that and a few hobbies and a relationship and you don't really have a character yet. He's unfortunately not given a lot of acting to do, instead just relegated to stunts and action sequences. That were notably cool.

The bad guys in the Crow have a lot more character and among this who's who of character actors, Michael Wincott takes the cake. Hell he was standing next to Candyman himself, Tony Todd and still stealing the scenes.

Best Character: A Few Good Apples

Is the best character in The Crow really going to be the cop? The commissioner Gordon stand in? yeah, it is. Not to be political, but I don't like cops, but I guess in a world with magical birds and eyeball smoking I can suspend my disbelief and let Ernie Hudson be #1 cop dad. His character is really the heart of the film, since all Eric can do is brood and fight, we have to care about someone in this movie.

Best Sequence: Halloween Party

The best sequence of the movie is of course the scene where Eric Draven busts in on the Devil's Night party planning commission. I think Top Dollar brought Scrappy Doo there just so he could lure out the crow, knowing the baddest assholes in all of Detroit would be gathered it was likely that somebody was going to kill the beast, or if they couldn't at least Top Dollar could get a feel for his enemy. It's a bullet flying action sequence with a ton of weight. I can't put my finger on this all to common weightless third act problem that big budget super hero and action flicks have nowadays, but whatever that issue is, the Crow does not have that issue. From this point on the Climax feels earned and I am invested. For that reason, The Crow is honestly better in spite of its awkwardness, than many of the super hero movies out today.

Worst Sequence: My Guitar Gently Weeps

Speaking of brooding or fighting. The best sequence was fighting, the worst is brooding. I get that Eric was in a band or something, but didn't he have shit to do. It seemed like it was a cool idea for a shot, but for like a whole seen, watching somebody play an 80s guitar solo, that stood out so brazenly from the choices of music in the rest of the movie was extra corny. It felt like someone's( dad trying to relate to their kid. Oh you like Music. The Dresden Dolls eh? Oh man, then you're going to love Slash's Snake Pit!

Summary

The Crow is dated. It is iconic but I wonder how many of the people that hang that poster on the wall have watched that movie since they were kids. It's interesting how what i've liked and disliked about this film have changed so much sense I was a kid. It's a cheeseball fiesta. If you have matured at all beyond thinking that being sad is the same as being deep then you're going to like it a little less than you did when you were younger, but it is still solid. There's not much to hate on. I'd watch it over and over again. I was really afraid it would not hold up at all, but returning to The Crow was a completely positive experience.

Overall Grade: B

[kareofbears]

plainly in truth, chapter 1/5

“Without you around, it's sorta like stuff is just kinda...bleh."

—

Or: hiding, confiding, and misguiding.

read on ao3 or below the cut :)

The sweat on the back of Ryuji’s neck is thick as he climbs the stairs to his apartment after a lengthy run.

It’s hot for spring, mild for summer, and now that it’s late June, it’s finally starting to teeter into real heat. He escalated slowly, gripping the guard rail like an old man to make sure his legs don’t give out, in no rush to head back to an empty apartment. His mom’s been doing back to back shifts, businesses booming like it does during this time of the year.

Normally, that would make him miserable. Nothing worse than hopping back from a day of fun shit only to come back to an empty living space with laundry piled to the nines and the TV left running. He doesn’t blame his mom because he’s not an asshole, but he never dealt well with being alone. But nowadays, he’s actually starting to like it. Crave it. Maybe a little too much.

It’s easier to deal with being alone than getting that sinking feeling he gets whenever he talks to his friends.

Shoving his hand in his basketball shorts, he pulls out his keys when something makes him pause. The plastic plant beside the entrance had been moved. Ryuji squints. Quietly, he grabs the knob and turns. It’s unlocked.

“Hey.”

Ryuji lets out a frustrated sigh, tension leaving his shoulders as he kicks the door closed. “Fucking hell. How’d you get in here?”

Seeing Ann sit primly with her legs crossed in a dining table that’s barely big enough to put two plates down evokes a feeling of nostalgia in him. She holds a key between her fingers idly. “Spare key hasn’t changed since we were thirteen.”

He walks to the fridge, pulls out a carton of milk and drinks it straight, ignoring her grimace. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he offers it to her.

“Hard pass.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugs, putting it back in the fridge. “I’m gonna shower. I think we might have some chips in the cupboards if you want some. Might be stale though.”

When Ann speaks again, her tone is flat. “You haven’t been hanging out with us. Or even talking to us.”

He tries not to let the annoyance show in his face too much. “Yeah, well, what part of ‘I need some alone time’ was confusing to you?”

Wood creaks, and he can feel her presence right behind him. “Cut the crap, Sakamoto. Something happened, I know it did. It’s not like you for your big mouth to be shut like this.”

Shaking his head, he strides to his room, praying that Ann will take the hint.

She doesn’t. “Okay, so I’ll just keep talking until something happens.” She leans against his door frame as he rummages for a change of clothes, listing off with her fingers. “It’s summer vacation, so it’s not a school thing. Phantom Thief stuff has been done for a while, so it’s not that either. I saw your mom last week, and she’s doing great. Congratulate her on the promotion for me, by the way. And the only other thing in your life that’s important is—” he hears her pause suddenly. “Are you and Akira doing okay?”

The sudden sharpness in her voice is enough to make his irritation ebb away for a second. “We’re fine,” he answers, pulling a probably clean shirt from the bottom of his drawer. He knows just how much she’s invested in their relationship. She’s pretty much a third member given how desperate she is to make them work. “I would’ve told you if we weren’t.”

“Thank god,” she breathes. “So what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he rolls his eyes. “A big fat load of nothing with nothing sprinkled on top. You want me to say it again?”

“If it’s nothing, then why aren’t you over the moon that Akira’s finally visiting tomorrow?”

His stomach does a weird flop inside of him. He can’t tell if it’s a good flop or a bad one. “I’m over the moon,” he defends. “I’m crazy excited.”

“Then show it!”

“Okay! Damn, sorry I wasn’t happy enough for you.” Giving up on finding clean shorts, he picks one up from the floor and hopes it isn’t too gross. “I’m headed to the shower.” He rounds on her, giving her a glare. “And do not tell Akira that anything’s going on with me, ‘cause there isn’t anything going on. You’re just gonna make him worry for no reason and he’s gonna be all—” he frowns, overexaggerated. “—About this, so cool it.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. He won’t hear about it from me.” Ann gives him a long stare, and he refuses to look away. “You sure you’re okay?” she asks, softer this time.

“Never been better. Now scram.”

“Good. See you tomorrow, and don’t be late!” she calls as she marches through his apartment, foot out the door. “Noon! Leblanc!”

“I got it!” he yells back.

When the lock clicks back into place, Ryuji leans his back against the wall, letting his eyes slide shut. Is he that obvious that Ann would notice? He rubs his eyes with palms, frustrated. If Ann noticed, Akira’s definitely going to notice, and that isn’t allowed. He’ll just have to do better.

Going into the bathroom, flicking on the shower, he realizes he forgot his towel in his bedroom. Stupid Ann, distracting him.

Padding back to his room, he nabs it from the side of his bed, refusing to look at the letter collecting dust on his desk as he flicks the light off once more.

—

Akira came home to a face-full of streamers, two pots of curry, and six arms tackling him. Smiles and hugs were passed like a bottle of wine after a war has been won, and Akira shrugs it all off like he isn’t soaking up each and every exclamation of how much they miss him for a rainy day. Morgana gets his fair amount of head scratches, Akira gets enough noogies to warrant a concussion, and even Ryuji somehow manages to forget his problems for approximately three minutes.

It’s evening now, and while everyone had already left (not after slamming down two plates each and Yusuke brazenly asking for tupperware after the fact), Ryuji decided to linger.

“So,” he starts, sleeves rolled up as he washes the dishes while Akira dries. It might not look like it, but he doesn’t mind doing his chores; especially not with the way they both purposefully knock their knuckles against each other whenever they pass a plate between themselves.

“So,” Akira repeats. “I’m home. That’s cool, huh?” Even with eighteen layers of nonchalance layered on top of each other, there’s no hiding the lilt in his voice.

“Pretty damn cool,” he rinses a mug and hands it to him. Ryuji pauses as he watches Akira dry, lip quirked up. “I like seeing you like this.”

“Cleaning?”

“No, you bastard.” He reaches forward, unable to help himself as he pinches his cheek. “Smiley.”

Akira slaps his hand away. “I’m always happy,” he says, voice fond.

“I didn’t say happy, now did I? I said—” Ryuji wipes both hands on his jeans before pinching his cheek with both hands. “Smiley!”

He doesn’t fight back this time; instead, he lets Ryuji knead his face. “Your hands are wet,” he complains, slightly slurred.

“Suck it up.” His skin is mesmerizingly soft. Probably softer than even a girl’s. He would hold him like this all night if he’d let him. “This saves you from washing your face tonight, so you’re welcome.”

With one last tug, he reluctantly sets him free. Akira’s face is red and blotchy from the assault, but somehow he pulls it off because of course he does. “Thanks,” he deadpans.

“Don’t sweat it, dude. You know I got you,” he laughs, and for a second, he feels good. Light. Being with Akira does that to him, a pendant that wards off all evil. The pendant must’ve had some fine print in the contract though, because his stomach drops again when he remembers again. Ryuji turns around and starts scrubbing the pan harder than he needs to. Chill out, chill out, chill out.

Arms encircle his waist. “Sojiro’s gonna smite us if we don’t finish these before he opens tomorrow,” Ryuji says.

“I know.” A chin hooks around his shoulder blade, sliding in place. A perfect fit. “We’ll get to it.”

Ryuji leans back, far enough to smell the shampoo in his hair. He breathes in deep. It’s not what he’s used to, probably different brands in his hometown, but it still smells nice.

With the water still running, a group of businessmen’s laughter booming from just outside the cafe, Ryuji nearly says it. To take that weight off of his weakened knees and share some of the burden with someone who’s never complained about carrying some of his baggage. It would be embarrassing, humiliating, fucking mortifying, but it would be better than this, right?

He opens his mouth. “Missed you,” is what comes out instead.

“Missed you more, I think.” A beat passes, and then Akira continues, quietly: “You don’t know how good it feels to be back.”

That was all it took. The final piece, the last lock. The words he needed to convince him that this was the right thing to do. If he was on the fence of whether or not to tell Akira, this was the tug that took him over the edge. Because Akira came here for one reason: to have fun. To feel good again. To feel like Akira again. Is Ryuji really going to be the one to shit all over that? To fuck up his summer vacation with his problems again?

Yeah. Fuck that.

He wishes he can pull Akira impossibly closer. “Welcome home.”

It can wait until he leaves. After that, the world will just have to explode, taking him with it.

—

Ryuji’s in bed that night, tossing and turning, blanket tangled in his legs and head underneath his pillow, when he finally caves.

Smacking around for his phone, he pulls it to his face, squinting against the bright light.

SR: futaba

The response was immediate.

SF: what SR: that was fast. whatre you doing up SF: im always up. why are YOU up SR: just wanted to talk SF: ok

He waits a few moments to see if she’d continue the conversation. She doesn’t.

SR: hows school? SF: ?????? who cares, its three am SR: i care SF: ugh, go to sleep. we’re meeting tomorrow anyway SR: yeah but you dont talk about school during group meetings much SF: alright weirdo SF: schools cool. people mostly leave me alone, and i think akira must’ve tipped off kawakami cause she is wayyyy too nice to me even after bullying her in front of the class SR: what did you do lmfao SF: she said that whoever could recite pi to ten decimal points can get a bonus ten percent in the final SF: and i kept going until the bell rang SR: damn! SF: its mostly okay though. better than i thought it’d be for sure SR: and how about actual school stuff SR: like classes. Math, science, english, all that shit. SF: sheesh, easiest part no doubt. could do all that stuff in my sleep SR: really? even though youre a year behind? SF: uh yeah? i could be eight years behind and still dunk on these clowns with one hand tied behind my back and watching a live stream

Ah, right. Futaba’s a literal genius. As in ‘Make A Documentary Of Her In Twenty Years In A Movie He’d Never Watch But Makoto Would Love’ kind of genius. He forgot.

SR: nice SR: thanks, im gonna sleep now SF: kk see you SF: (¯﹃¯)

—

“Okay, this is getting a little ridiculous,” Ryuji says when he opens the door to his apartment.

Ann is sitting in his dining chair once again, this time donned in hot pink shades and a comically big sun hat. He tries not to let annoyance and panic flare inside him. He loves her, because of course he does, but he was banking on stocking up some energy and alone time before they hit the road. Maybe even shed a couple of frustrated tears, who knows? As long as he’s alone, it’s fair game.

“Hey, don’t give me any of that,” Ann says. “You and packing your luggage is like mayonnaise and my flawless complexion—it’s not good, buster. Remember Hawaii?”

He feels his skin heat up, and slams the door harder than he should. “How the hell was I supposed to know I’d get randomly checked? ‘Sides, I didn’t do anything illegal.”

“A backpack filled with condoms and a toothbrush might as well have been illegal.” Ann reaches into her pocket, whipping out a wrinkled piece of paper. “You can’t pull that kinda crap now, and if I know him as well as I do, I’m sure Akira’s already packing for that.” She laughs at her own joke and raises her hand enthusiastically. He can’t help but grin as he high fives her. Hey, even if his life is falling apart, at least he’s still getting some, right?

“So I’m here to help,” she continues, shaking the sting from her palms. “I finished packing a day early and everything, so I better get some thanks after this.” Before he can complain, she holds up a finger, expression stern. “I know you don’t need help. Yes, I’m still worried about you. Yes, I’m doing this because I’m worried about you. Let me do this stupid little thing, okay? It’ll make me feel better.”

His stomach churns, more intense than usual. “You’re still worried about me?” he asks, breath hitching. What? No. Did he fail at that too? Does she know? That must mean Akira knows, right? And if Akira knows, then—

“Whoa, hold on!” A hand grips his shoulders. “Deep breaths, Sakamoto. Don’t spiral on me now.” Gently, he’s led to a chair. He sits gratefully and waits for his heart rate to drop. The entire time, Ann stays quiet.

Eventually, when the room stops closing in on him, he sighs and leans back against his chair. “Sorry,” he says, feeling really stupid. Damn, what happened to him keeping this on the down low?

She slaps his knee. “Shut up, don’t apologize for that,” she scolds, and he almost smiles. It’s easy to forget how good Ann is at this sort of thing. For better or for worse, she’s had plenty of practice while talking to Shiho. The grip on his knee tightens. “Ryuji…”

He shakes his head. “No.”

And, for better or for worse, she absolutely does not let things go.

“Look, buddy.” The grip is starting to hurt, and it means business if her red acrylics are anything to go by. “I just saw you have a teensy little panic attack two damn minutes ago, and you’re expecting me to just leave you to it? Are you a clown? Are you a clown in a circus, Sakamoto? Is that what you are?”

“I just don’t want to fucking talk about it.” He shoves her hand off his knee, and before he knows it, his voice is raised. “Christ, can’t you just leave me alone? All you do is get up in my business when I clearly didn’t ask you to. Just cause we did this whole Phantom Thief crap together doesn’t mean it gives you the right to everything going on in my life.”

He loathes the ringing in his ears from his own voice. He hates it when he yells in the apartment, but hates the silence that follows more. Too much like his dad, too much like his exhausted mom.

Ann is staring up at him, hard and unwavering. “You’re such a piece of shit sometimes.”

“Huh?”

“If you want me off your tail, you’re gonna have to work harder than that.” She gets on her feet, glaring at him. “‘Piss me off and make me leave in tears’ was your tactic, right? Boring. Overdone. Try again.”

The way she’s standing, shoulders pushed back and chin jutted out like she’s ready for a shoot in some kind of army magazine, means she’s dead serious.

“Ann, just get the fuck out of my house. You’re really starting to get on my nerves.”

“Ooo, classic 'angry and make me storm off’, right? Better, but not good enough.”

“What the hell are you even saying?”

“I’m saying that you could say whatever pops into your bleached head—” she flicks his forehead, viciously sharp nails digging into his skin. “And I wouldn’t go anywhere. You could call me names, or threaten me, or try to hurt me, but I am not going anywhere.”

Her eyes are bright blue, but he can still feel the heat of it like Carmen was inches in front of him. His throat quivers when he swallows. She’s really not going to give in.

“My knee’s been real bad lately,” he relents, making a fist and lightly knocking it against his thigh. “Normally it acts up during bad weather, but the sun hasn’t left in weeks and it still sucks. I didn’t wanna tell anyone, ‘cause I hate talking about…” he trails off, but she doesn’t need him to continue. They both know damn well who he’s referencing.

Ann’s face crumbles. “That’s horrible,” she says, absently rubbing the red mark on his forehead. “I’m sorry I was mean.”

He waves it off, the same way he does whenever his mom asks him if he’s getting enough sleep. “Don’t sweat it. I know how crazy you get.”

It’s a real testament to how worried she must’ve been when she didn't take the olive branch. “I know you probably don’t want to worry the group, but you should tell Akira.”

“Ann—” he starts wearily.

“You know I’m right about this. Now that the Metaverse is back and we’re going to be running around more, he can’t not know about this. Your boyfriend aside, he’s our leader. Something really nasty can happen if we’re not thinking straight.”

“...Sure.”

Ann gives him a weird look. “That was surprisingly easy. I thought you’d complain more.”

She’s getting way too sharp. “What, you wanted me to be a dick about it?”

“I guess not.” Leaning against his kitchen counter, she chews her lip like it’s bubble gum. “Can I do anything to help?”

“Yeah.” Ryuji stands to stretch, ready for this conversation to be over. “You can keep this between us—”

“—Except for Akira,” they say in unison, Ryuji exasperated and Ann insistent.

“Fine. I’ll back off if you think you have it under control.”

“Hallelujah, she’s finally giving me space.”

“But,” her gaze is harder than steel. “Never, ever keep secrets from me again, got it?”

Ryuji rolls his eyes. “Gotcha. Can we get started now? I’m over talking about my horrible past so that we can finally have a straight-out-of-an-anime summer vacation.”

Her eyes brighten up. “Yes! Okay, I made this huge list and I know for a fact we’re gonna have to go for a quick shopping trip—”

“Quick? So, like, three hours going by your standards?”

“Don’t interrupt me. We need to pack some swim trunks, toiletries, and I know you’re worried about your mom so we’ll go grocery shopping for her before we leave in the morning.” Feet tapping excitedly, “This is gonna be so fun. You start packing, I’ll go shopping. Rendezvous in an hour.”

Before he even gets a chance to put a word in, she’s already out the door.

—

Later that night, when everything is messily thrown into one oversized backpack and a rucksack and the fridge is chock full of groceries for his overworked mother, he gets a text.

TA: i know you said not to bring it up but i dont care TA: i searched it up and apparently cold and hot compresses can help with the pain on your knee TA: also getting shoes with really good support would help too. i modeled for some shoe brands, i can def get you some discounts!!! TA: like, i know this is all base level stuff and you know this already, but i bet you we can ask sophia for more help. maybe she can access top secret doctor stuff for knee injuries?? :O

Ryuji stares at his phone for a long moment, before shoving it under his pillow.

Great. Add ‘guilt’ and ‘keeping up with a lie’ to the list of shit he has to worry about.

—

“A lake!” Yusuke cries, kneeling in front of the body of water like a man discovering a desert oasis. Gently, he cups the clean water and cradles it against his cheek. “You are nothing like the garbage-infested sewers in Tokyo. You are crystal clear. You are divine. You are salvation. You are—”

“Akira, Inari’s being a weirdo again,” Futaba points an accusing finger at Yusuke, who’s shirt is slowly absorbing more and more of the water. “At this rate, he’s gonna have to change.”

Makoto grunts as she lugs out the grill singlehandedly, a loud clang ringing out when she nonchalantly sets down a family-sized piece of machinery. “Alright, here it is.” She catches the look of awe that Ryuji’s giving her. “Does it still shock you that I can probably bench press you twice over?”

“I’m just trying to figure out where you’re hiding all that muscle, prez,” he snorts, and it’s the truth. Her and Akira must be the same breed, considering they’re both way too lithe to be this strong. He’s seen the way they throw a punch in the Metaverse—they could probably disintegrate a dude in real life if they really wanted to. Like yeah they workout, but not that much. Maybe they’re dieting too? He’s tried dieting, but ramen is just way too good, even at the expense of muscles.

“Ryuji, when you’re done spacing out, can you grab the ingredients?” Akira calls out.

“Ugh, cut the mind reading dude, it scares the hell out of me.”

He shoots him a signature Kurusu Akira smile; small yet disarming all the same, and it never fails to get Ryuji’s heart to do weird flips. “It’s not mind reading once you realize that I’m just obsessed with you.”

Instead of answering, Ryuji grumbles as he stalks off into the RV. Damn him and his genuine words and compliments.

He pulls out their luggage from underneath the table. Akira doesn’t need to say what ingredients he needs to grab—he’s helped out enough times during Leblanc’s afterhours to know the curry spices by heart. Ryuji might be a failure, but hey, he can do this no problem.

Grabbing bottles and shakers and balancing them on top of his arms like an overworked waiter, he glances left and feels his heart dropped. The envelope from his room—dust-free from rubbing against the rest of his luggage—is sticking out of his backpack. After a quick adjustment, he uses his free hand to shove it deep in his bag, hearing the paper crinkle in on itself.

It was a spur of the moment decision to bring it along with him, one that he’s still half-regretting. Why’d he do it? Maybe he was worried that he might enjoy this trip a little too much? Maybe he was some kind of masochist that likes having his problems and anxiety follow him literally everywhere he goes? Maybe he was scared to hell and back that his mom would find it before he had a chance to tell her himself? Fuck if he knows.

Poking his head out of the door, he yells, “Heads up!”

Throwing a bottle of black pepper, Akira catches it without looking. “Thanks.”

“Don’t sweat it.”

“Too late, I already sweat a little bit.”

Ryuji squints. “It’s sweated. Right, Ann?”

“Don’t look at me. I went to America for modelling, not a spelling bee.”

“I won all my spelling bees in middle school,” Makoto says, chest puffed out in pride.

“Were you the only one who joined?”

“That’s not important.”

Akira’s phone beeps enthusiastically, and Sophia’s voice rings out. “Got it! According to the internet, ‘sweat’ and ‘sweated’ are both grammatically valid. Technically, both Ryuji and Ann are correct.”

“Can we all just shut up for a second about sweating, for the love of god,” Futaba fans her face weakly. “It’s already sooooo hot. I feel like my skin is melting. Yusuke, is my skin melting?”

He looks at her for a moment, peering closely. “Yes.”

“How about we go in for a quick dip in the lake?” Haru offers, and Ryuji suspects that she can feel the same energy that he’s feeling when the group gets like this. “We were all talking about how beautiful it was, and it would cool down Futaba-chan no problem.”

She leans down, swirling her hand in the water. “It’s a little chilly, but it’ll definitely take care of the heat.”

“Good idea!” Futaba jumps up and throws off her shoes, ready to march in. “This is gonna feel so good.”

“Socks!” Akira reminds her.

“I know that!”

Haru and Yusuke follow suit, eager to get away from the heat, Makoto going in to change to shorts. Ryuji guesses it’s probably not an easy feat to roll up leather pants. Probably makes it either to ride motorcycles, or whatever people with leather pants do.

He feels a poke in his side. “You hopping in with them?” Akira asks.

No. The answer is already at the tip of his tongue, ready to roll out. Given how cramped the RV is, keeping up the trademark Sakamoto energy while lugging more baggage than an airport employee is brutal. It’s barely been a day since they started the trip, and he’s not sure how much longer he can keep this up. Already his chest feels heavy with something, and whenever all the windows are rolled up, it gets weirdly hard to breathe. But if he says no, Akira would definitely know something was up.

“Uh—”

“Actually, I think we’ll take over the curry for you,” Ann cuts in.

Ryuji turns to her, startled and wide eyed.

“Why?” Akira asks, just as confused as he is. They both know how much Ann loves being in the middle of things, especially in group hangouts.

“Because you look like you could use a break. I know for a fact that you had to pack Yusuke’s stuff for him, or else the van would’ve had fifteen canvases and an easel, and you had to grocery shop for everyone, and talk Haru out of a guilty spiral because she wasn’t confident enough in her driving. And all this before—” Ann looks down at her wrist to peer at a non-existent watch. “Five o’clock.

He frowns. “Sure, but I’ve done twice as much during our prime. This,” he gestures at the pot. “Is a walk in the park. Thank you, though.”

Ann sighs, heavy and contemplative. “I didn’t want to say it out right, but since you’re being difficult…” She places a hand on his shoulder. “You should hang out with Futaba more. Being gone from her for that long has been rough, and yes, we took care of her while you weren’t there, but you’re different.” Her hand tightens. “You know, Wild Card and all that.”

“That’s not what that means, but I appreciate the effort,” Akira says. Despite his words, it’s clear that what she said bothered him. Eyes flickering to Futaba, enthusiastically kicking the water to see how far the droplets would go, he directs his gaze to Ryuji. “Is it okay if…?”

Ryuji rolls his eyes, pretending like relief isn’t crashing through his body. “Go.”

Akira kisses his cheek. “Thank you.” When he pulls away, he gives Ann a hesitant look.

She grimaces. “Thanks, but no. Go hangout with the gremlin.”

He gives her a salute and saunters off, rolling up his jeans to wade through the water, making sure to splash Futaba on the way there.

After a moment of silence, he sighs. “Fine, I’ll say it. Your acting classes are actually doing you some good.”

“Ha!” she points at him triumphantly. “And you said it’d be a waste of time!”

“I didn’t say that.” Ryuji slouches into a nearby camping chair, the one that Sojiro forced them to lug along, hoping that some of his fatigue would seep away. “We both know that Futaba’s never been better, so what’s up? Why’d you throw out Akira like that?”

“It’s not for me, stupid,” she scoffs, but he can’t help but feel the weight in his chest get even heavier. He sinks even deeper into his chair. “The water was cold, right? That would make your knee even worse.”

“Yeah,” he blinks, having already forgotten the whole fucked-up knee story. “Thanks.”

“I won’t chew you out for not telling Akira, even though I should. But like I said,” she ruffles his hair. “I got your back. I know it must be hard, but you’re still acting all normal. We’re lucky that it’s only affecting you in the real world, too.” She had come up with that one herself, and thank god she did, cause he wouldn’t have known what to say if she had confronted him on how he could easily do flips and sprints in the Metaverse. “That just takes a lot of guts, and even though I know for a fact this would make you feel so much better once you tell him, I trust that you know what you need better than me.”

“Quit trying to look all cool,” he says, and prays to fucking god that the red on his face comes off as embarrassed gratitude rather than earth-shattering guilt. “And aren’t you supposed to be cooking, curry master?”

“Hey, he asked you to do it, not me. I’ll help you get the ingredients, but no way I’m doing the whole cooking shebang.”

“Ugh, fine,” he says, as if he doesn’t secretly love the idea of getting to cook for Akira this time instead of the other way around. Pushing himself up, Ann reaches out to help him. “You don’t gotta baby me, Takamaki.”

“I’ll baby you for as long as I need to, and then eventually Akira will be the one babying you. We come in shifts.”

“I hope you’re unionized.”

Makoto pokes her head out of the RV, wearing a showercap. “Did someone say unionized?”

“What the hell?” Ryuji staggers back in shock. Crap. “How long have you been there?”

“And why are you wearing that?” Ann gasps.

“Not long, and I don’t want my hair getting wet in case I fall in. We have no idea what’s been in here.”

“Were you going to fall in a bathtub?”

“Did you want me to push you in?”

“No, ma’am.”

—

There wasn’t a problem initially. Well, not one in Palaces, anyway. Wait, they’re called Jails now, which is really confusing. Ryuji’s just gonna have to avoid using those words so he doesn’t make himself look like an idiot.

Back in Shibuya, it had been...fine. Attacks landed, punches were dodged, Batons passed like his life depended on it (and it did). Like clockwork, instinct came to him and the weird nostalgic normalcy of fighting Shadows made it bearable.

Ryuji was off his game, and he could tell.

But he was barely off his game. If anything, he still had a foot on his game. Maybe even an entire leg on the game if he was being generous. He was still enough on the game that even Akira doesn’t notice.

But the weird part was, he doesn’t mind the fact that he’s off his game. In an even weirder way, he’s never been more on his game in his entire life.

“There!” Futaba’s voice crackles through the comms. “Uncle is open wide!”

“Her name is Ante, Oracle,” Makoto responds, brass knuckles jammed into the throat of some poor Shadow. “It’s open, but it’s vicious.”

Ryuji calls for Kidd just as she pulls away, wiping out the rest of the weaker ones with ease. “This thing’s like a goddamn mousetrap.” Ante’s serpent body slithering on the cool tiles so fluidly that it gives him the creeps. Her tail has tiny spikes etched into it, like mini knives hot glued onto a tetherball. The minute any of them even come close, she strikes outwards. “How vicious is vicious?”

“Depends on how fast you are.”

Akira’s head jerks up, and when their eyes meet, cracks a smile. “Fast, you say?”

Ryuji grins wider than he has in days. Joker relying on him? How can someone not feel a little giddy at that? “Say no more, leader.”

He stretches quickly, and feels eyes piercing the back of his head. Ann, probably. Shrugging it off, he sprints low towards Ante. As long as Ann doesn’t say a word, there won’t be a problem.

She’s taken hits from where Akira’s been concentrating on her. A mixture of bullet holes in its scales mixed in with cross slashes from where his bless attacks hit had left her delirious and pissed off. When he’s close, she bares her fangs and strikes, only for him to skid on the smooth tiles, rugged hands touching his mask.

“Come on out, Captain!”

His blond hair ruffled from Kidd’s attack, a crack of lightning came down from his Persona’s mangled hand, and a split second later her tail had been sliced clean through. And another crack comes, her neck landing on the tiles with a muffled thud. An attack that should’ve just been enough to incapacitate Ante had instead completely decapitated her.

A beat of silence passed as everyone processed what had happened. Ryuji’s mouth drops open, but he can’t muster any surprise.

He doesn’t know how, or why, but for some reason his attacks have been at least five times as strong as they had been back before the Metaverse was still intact. Moves that he didn’t even know are on the tip of his tongue, as if he had practiced them all his life. Normally this would only happen after rigorous training for months, adding up in tiny increments.

Now it happens every day.

“Well, looks like someone woke up on the right side of the gym today,” Futaba laughs awkwardly.

“What on earth was that, Skull?” Haru asks, eyes wide. “I had never seen you do something like that.”

Morgana’s tail swished. “She makes a good point. When’d you learn that one?”

“I don’t know.” He calls back Captain Kidd, eyeing the drop that Ante had left behind, but doesn’t move forward to snatch it up. “But whatever the reason is, it’s awesome as hell. I mean, did you see that? Sliced that thing open like a stuffed bear.”

“Let’s not bring stuffed animals into this, please,” Makoto frowns.

Akira’s giving him a look again, and it leaves Ryuji unsettled. “What is it, dude? I got something on my face?”

“No,” he steps closer, and his voice drops. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright? I’ve never been better, man.” He flashes him a grin, hoping that it’s bright enough to distract Akira’s ever-searching eyes. “Come on, let’s get moving. Natsume’s heart isn’t gonna change itself.”

After one last glance, he nods, and Ryuji can see the minute Calculating Joker comes back. “You heard him. Let’s get moving, everyone.”

They all follow him up the stairs, eager to get moving past the eternally bleary and uncreatively written setting of Natsume’s Jail.

“Psst!” Ryuji hisses at Ann, who turns to him with a question in her eyes. “Panther! Get your ass over here!”

“What?” she whispers back.

He rubs the back of his neck. “I fucked up my knee when I rushed her, and I still haven’t told Joker, so do you mind…?”

An expected look of disapproval emerges from her expression, and Ryuji hurries to beat her to the punch. “I know, I know! But I can’t tell him in the middle of all this, now can I?”

“Fine,” she grumbles before calling Carmen. “I’ll cover you for now, but only ‘cause I’m a good friend and I’m super cute.”

“Yeah, the cutest, prettiest, whatever.” He glances over to Akira, swooping down to grab Ante’s drops before heading up. “Quick, before he looks back.”

Diarama washes over him, and even though relief floods through his body, he can feel a bead of sweat running down his temple. He’s not sure if it’s from her inherent heat or from the stress of lying to her again.

“Better?” Ann asks.

“Way better. Thanks.” He catches Sophia looking at them curiously. “The kid’s watching us. You better move ahead before she starts analyzing our personality types or something.”

Her eyes light up. “You think she’d do it if I asked? I really wanna know.”

“Just go!”

Ann hurries to catch up to Sophia, and while she’s distracted, Ryuji gently rolls up sleeves—he had gotten nicked by Ante as he slid. Normally that wouldn’t have been a problem; he had gotten thrown through walls, been hit by mini hurricanes, been blown up by a boat, and walked away from all that still swinging.

Yet lately, any tiny, fractional, miniscule injury is enough to shoot unbearable pain throughout his entire body. It’s as if he was back in Kamoshida’s Palace, where every punch thrown at him had been life or death.

Glancing down at his forearm, he sighs. The cut was gone, but he can’t keep asking Ann to heal him in secret every time.

“Skull?”

Hurriedly pulling down his sleeve, he glances up to see Akira standing in front of him.

“Everyone’s waiting for you,” he says casually, as if those words don’t mean the entire goddamn world to Ryuji. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” he answers, shaking his head. “My bad. Let’s go.”

They clambered up the staircase, and Ryuji decides that all of that stuff—getting injured and having it hurt like hell—just isn’t too important.

That just means that he’ll be fine as long as he doesn't get hit, and he’s had plenty of experience dodging punches that were thrown at him before.

—

“Cheers!”

All of them raise their red plastic cups, clinking it against each other in a way that they see adults do all the time on TV. Apple juice and iced tea slosh as they gulp it down eagerly, excitement so prevalent that they can hardly taste the cheap, convenience store-esque quality of their drink.

“This isn’t too bad,” Makoto muses, leaning against the faux-leather seats of the RV. “Though it would probably taste better if it wasn’t room temperature.”

“Does it look like this place has a mini fridge?” Futaba says, legs swinging down from her top bunk. “That’s a good idea though. I should’ve bought mine from home. Can you imagine we’re halfway through a six hour road trip and you want iced coffee and boom! Two feet behind you is Futaba’s Ice Cold Cafe, one hundred yen per use.”

“I hope you’d be ready to sleep on it, because this place is cramped enough as is,” Akira slaps the wall a few times, the way a rancher would a sturdy horse. “We’re lucky with what we have.”

“I know that! Without this thing we never would have been able to conquer Natsume’s Jail.” She reaches down to muss Yusuke’s hair. “I’m sure Inari feels good about that.”

He smiles, hair sticking up in all directions. “Of course I feel satisfied. Though I understand his struggle, being able to stop a fellow artist into becoming a true monster is always something that will bring me joy. Justice will never stop feeling good.”

“Cheers to that!” Ann raises her drink. “And you know what? This wouldn’t have been possible had Ryuji not kicked some major ass in that Jail.”

The group whoops and hoots loudly, and Ryuji can’t help but scoff when Ann winks at him. “Aw guys, you’re making me blush. I’m fucking awesome, sure, but we’re all pretty amazing.”

Haru shakes her head. “She’s right, Ryuji-kun. WIthout you, defeating dragon Natsume would’ve been much more difficult.”

“Even I can admit that you’ve gotten much stronger, Skull.” Morgana leaps onto the table, licking up the bowl of apple juice that Haru had left him. It feels wrong to let an animal drink that, but he’d never say anything about it. “Have you been training?”

Ryuji shrugs. “Yeah, a little.”

“Ooo, look at Mr. Humble all of a sudden,” Futaba jeers.

“I’m always humble!”

Ann grimaces. “I don’t think so. Remember when you finally got Akira to go on a date with you—”

“How dare you. He was begging me to go on a date with him—”

“And you wouldn’t stop telling us about how you had nabbed the coolest guy in Tokyo—”

Ryuji nearly jumps over the booth to put a hand on her mouth. “Quit yammering, Takamaki, I’m begging you.” He feels something slimy on his hand, and pulls back quickly. “Ew, did you lick me?! That’s so effing gross.”

“You’re gross.”

He feels a hand on the small of his back, warm and familiar. “I don’t think you’re gross, Ryuji,” Akira says. “I think you’re very clean.”

A harmonic beep rings through the air. “Sorry to interrupt,” Sophia’s clear voice cuts in. “But Akira, you got an email.”

“Thanks Sophie.” He points to where his phone is perched on the windowsill, propped up so she can see them celebrate their victory. “Can you…?”

Ryuji wordlessly passes it to him as everyone breaks off into smaller conversations, chatter blending into each other until it sounds like the kind of white noise he would queue up when he’s desperate to get some studying done. Immediately, Akira begins scanning through his phone, gray eyes focused.

He props his head against his shoulder to read alongside him and makes a noise of interest. “You signed up for cram school?” he asks, surprised.

“I did,” he replies, thumbing through the details of his admission.

Ryuji stares at him. “But you’re so fucking smart. Why are you paying who knows what to learn shit you already know?”

“Because Tokyo U barely cracks a 30% admission rate, and chemistry is hell incarnate.” With one last few clicks, he sets his phone down with a wince. “Sure is expensive though. We might have to reform the heart of someone in the education committee.” When he continues to stare at him wordlessly, Akira turns to him. “Don’t worry, I’m still leeching off of the Thieves' money from last year, so it’s not too bad when you take into account my part-time back home.”

“No, that’s not—I’m just—” he shakes his head and forces himself to start over. “Since when did you decide on Tokyo University?”

It’s Akira's turn to look taken aback. “What do you mean? You’d never leave Tokyo, especially if it meant leaving your mom.”

“That’s not the point. The point is I’m making you choose between me and your hometown!” he exclaims, but he already knows in his heart what Akira’s choice is going to be. It’s stupidly obvious. For some reason, the longer this conversation goes on, the tighter his chest feels.

The feeling doubles when Akira’s eyes, always focused and always sharp, subdued at his words. “Are you really comparing yourself to that place? You know I’d choose you over anything.” He reaches forward and combs through Ryuji’s hair, hushed and gentle in a way that only Akira can manage. “I’m so excited to live life with you again.”

The white noise, so comfortable before, abruptly turns overwhelmingly loud—grating and unbearable and painful to be around. Ryuji stands abruptly, barely reacting to Futaba’s yelp when he backs into her.

“Hey! What gives?”

“I…” his eyes dart around, flinching when he accidentally makes eye contact with Akira, and again when he locks eyes with Ann.

The sudden silence from the group is somehow worse than the noise from before, and if the tightness in his chest gets any more painful, his lungs are gonna burst into a million pieces and he’s not gonna be able to pick it all up from the ground if everyone’s watching.

“Trash,” he blurts out.

“What?” Makoto blinks, glancing up from her map.

“This place is disgusting and it’s way too cluttered and it’s bad to leave such a big mess so I’m gonna—” Ryuji grabs the plastic bag filled with garbage, haphazardly tossing empty cans and plastic cups into it. “I’ll be back. Don’t wait up.”

Before they can question him, he’s already out of the RV, towing trash and leaving his friends behind him.

—

“What the fuck was that?!” Ryuji screams into the sky.

He was far enough from the trailer that he knew they couldn’t hear him even if they had strained their ears, and it was late enough into the night that even the tourists weren’t poking around to look at the shrines or the Great Masamune himself.

“Keep it a secret’, my ass! That was the second dumbest thing—no, the third dumbest thing you’ve ever done in your entire life. Do you know how high that threshold is, Sakamoto? High! Higher than you can see with your own two eyes! Higher than Yaldabaoth’s goddamn crane-sized spine!”

Swooping down, he grabs a fistful of pebbles and throws it as hard as he can. “You are so selfish! What happened to keeping ‘Kira happy, you effing asshole?” Relishing in how far it went, he takes another two more. “You are so annoying. You are—” he throws, the rocks landing with a little plink. “Insufferable. Stupid. Selfish. A fucking—” this time, he doesn’t even know where it lands. “Gah!”

Turning on his heel, he glares up at the statue and grits his teeth when he sees Masamune’s stoic expression. “Don’t give me that look—you’re dead. You ain’t got nothing to complain about. Everyone’s remembering you as the guy who saved Japan, or whatever. But guess what? You’re probably a loser. A dumb, stupid loser who convinced everyone that you’re good for something when you’re worth jack shit!”

Before he can stop himself, he takes the garbage bag full of cans, glass bottles, and crumpled chip bags and hurls it at Masamune. It hits the base of the statue, far below damaging the One-Eyed Dragon himself, but the glass cracks under the force of being thrown, tearing through the plastic and causing trash and shards to explode all over the steps. Ryuji’s chest is heaving as he stares down at what he’s done.

“Impressive.”

He whirls around at the voice behind him, stomach lurching straight to the ground when he sees who it was. “In his years of war, I doubt that anyone’s ever tried throwing waste in his direction in order to defeat him.”

“Yusuke,” he breathes, feeling his frustration draining away to make room for even more guilt, if that was even possible. Ryuji cannot possibly look any more of an asshole than he does right now—tearing his throat raw in a public space, surrounded by the garbage he had thrown at a national monument in front of a guy who clearly worships and respects art that’s old as hell. “Sorry, I’ll clean it up, I promise. I was just…” he hesitates. “Talking to myself.”

Yusuke hums, unconvinced, and carefully approaches the mess in front of him. Ryuji waves him off. “No, don’t. Broken glass is a bitch, especially the little pieces. If that gets in your skin, it’s game over. You’d have to go into the hospital for sure.” He grimaces. “Trust me. My dad used to throw beer bottles at our place like he was in a ball game, and that ain’t fun, I promise you that.”

“I see.” Turning around, Ryuji hoped that he was magically going to head back to the group and not mention this to anyone there, but instead Yusuke stopped in front of a water fountain. “You’re right. If you’re not careful, it could be very easy to hurt yourself when dealing with broken glass.” Pulling out a handkerchief from his breast pocket in a way that only Yusuke can, he soaks it in water before crouching down at the shards glimmering under moonlight. “But if you use wet fabric to dab it on the shards itself—” he pats the concrete and flips the fabric over, revealing the moist and glistening pieces stuck on its side. “You can clean up the pieces with little to no danger.”

“Huh.” After a moment, he realizes that he’s making Yusuke do the dirty work for him. “Pass me that. Thanks for the tip, but I can take it from here. I mean,” he rubs the back of his neck. “It’s totally my fault that the glass is here anyway.”

He doesn’t look up from his task, eyes focused and movement meticulous. “No need. If you’d like to help, you can start picking up the non-dangerous litter around us.”

Ryuji does as he’s told, wincing as he has to pick up sticky, pop-soaked wrappers with his bare hands but he doesn’t complain. Karmic retribution has never held back against him. “The glass thing,” he starts, squatting down and picking up empty cans and plastic utensils with curry remnants still stuck to them. “They teach you that in Kosei?”

“No, from one of Madarame’s past pupils actually.” Yusuke shifts over to dab at another glass-covered section, concrete looking clearer with every pat. “Sensei had a rather violent habit of hurling canvases at the wall if they do not meet his standards, and his actions had led to many of our more fragile belongings being shattered when he did.” His tone doesn’t change, but Ryuji can see his shoulders tighten. “At least it allowed me to move away from that house very quickly, considering I had very little to pack away.”

Ryuji opens his mouth to comfort him. Instead, he finds himself speaking in a low tone. “Glad that bastard is rotting in jail,” he resists the urge to spit on the ground. “Then afterwards, I hope he rots in hell, just to really cover all of our bases.”

That pulls a chuckle out of Yusuke. “Thank you,” he smiles, and all Ryuji can do is nod. There isn’t much you can say after that without making it weird. But how weirder can it possibly get when the two of you are off towing around someone’s perception of the world on a daily basis?

They continue to work in silence; the wind is gentle, but it’s enough to rustle the leaves and allow Ryuji to feel some relief from the summer heat. He’s picking up wet paper tissues, and it’s gross, but it’s nice to be doing something with his hands.

He’s just about done his part of the clean-up when he can’t take it anymore. “Aren’t you gonna ask?”

“No,” Yusuke answers without looking up. That’s another thing that Ryuji really appreciates about him—playing dumb has never been something that he’s done to get out of an awkward situation. To be fair though, Yusuke himself is an awkward situation.

“Why not?”

“Did you want me to?”

That question makes him pause, and Yusuke doesn’t wait for an answer. “You’ve always been the most vocal in the group, and while many a time it has been our downfall in terms of secrecy, I have always considered it one of your strong points. And if you, Sakamoto Ryuji, are indeed struggling with using your words,” Yusuke’s eyes turn to him. “Then it must be very difficult to talk about.”

A beat passes. “No,” Ryuji mutters. “I don’t want you to ask.”

“Then I won’t,” he says easily. “But I do have a question.”

“Lay it on me.”

Yusuke shuffles to crouch down next to him, and it’s kinda weird seeing someone as elegant as him pose like some kind of hoodlum. “Does Akira know about your struggle?”

His mind flashes back to the confused look back in the RV and he scratches his neck roughly. “I bet he does now.”

Yusuke leans back, shocked. “He doesn’t know?”

“I’m getting there! Don’t pressure me, man. You said it yourself, I’m fucking struggling.”

“Well, yes, I did say that, but it’s Akira,” he says the name almost reverently. “I’d be surprised if he doesn’t sense that something is askew.”

“I just said that, didn’t I? Goddamn, you and Ann are just two of the same peas in the same freaking pond, aren’t you?”

“It’s ‘pod’, Ryuji,” he corrects. “Ann is aware?”

“She—” Ugh, how does he explain that she thinks she knows, but really he had lied about what he told her? “She basically knows.” And because his fat mouth just keeps getting fatter, “She’s sort of part of the problem.”

Yusuke’s eyes widen and Ryuji hurries to cover up for his mistake. “She’s not a problem, it’s just that I didn’t explain…It’s really my fault, and how I deal with internal shit, you know what I’m saying? And Ann’s just kind of in the crossfire, so what ended up happening is when I talk to her about what I’m feeling, I end up just feeling worse.” He winces. First he lies to her and now he’s shit-talking her? “I did not say that. What I really mean is that, uh, feelings...and actions...are complicated,” he finishes weakly.

“I see,” he says finally.

It seems that even Yusuke has a threshold for uncomfortable moments, because he rises to his feet. “Thank you for sharing all of that with me.”

“Uh, yeah, for sure. Thanks for the glass trick.”

“No need to mention it. It’s much easier to clean up a mess when you have someone helping you.” He points vaguely behind himself, “Would you like to head back together? I’m sure by now the festivities are winding down, and the trash you were so keen on disposing of has definitely been thrown away.”

Ryuji blanches. It grossed him out that he forgot he was holding an armful of garbage in his hand. “You go ahead. I just need to,” he rocks his arms, almost cradling the wet garbage. “Throw this out.”

“Very well. I’ll see you when you get back, then.”

He waves at him, and Ryuji wiggles in response (unless he wants it all hitting the ground and restarting that whole process again, which, no thanks.) After dumping it all into a nearby trash can, the process of which lasts several minutes since he still had to sort out the recycling, he feels a buzz in his pocket.

KA: come back when you can KA: i miss you

He takes a shaky breath.

SR: on my way

[smileysuh]

i have to ask... bc im yr cambaby anon... but yr masterlist says one sided pining and i have to ask... is the reader pining or are some of the idols pining after her (well ik she thinks the world of jin and johnny) - 🍓

the idols all pine for her! thanks for the question bb, look, let me show you, i tried to make all the guys soft for her in ways, some are obvious like Jaehyun, but some are softer and more show it with their actions :) all of these quotes are found in the end of the fics ;)

this is a pretty lengthy analysis lol, but you can see the progression of the series quite well i think :)

Mark Tuan :

When he comes to a stop, you both just kneel there for a few moments, catching your breaths. Then the coin noise interrupts your thoughts and Mark chuckles, pressing a kiss to your shoulder, “say goodnight to your fans and come cuddle.” he tells you, sliding from your cunt and collapsing on his bed, quickly hiding under the covers

This section is in cambaby's perspective so i can't dive into Mark's thoughts, so we have to show his pining in actions.

Mark's very soft and quiet, but the domesticity and comfort in him jus saying 'say goodnight to your fans and come cuddle' like- soft boy, in my experience, fuck buddies aren't HUGE cuddlers you know?

Jaebum :

when your phone is away, you turn to look at Jaebeom. He strokes your face, fingers coming to touch the collar still on your neck. He takes it off gently, putting it on his bedside table.

You like the quiet with Jaebeom, every second needn’t be filled by word

Another section in y/n's perspective means we can't say what Jaebum is thinking so we have to look at his actions

the way he touches her so lovingly- softly touching the collar and gently taking it off, this is soft aftercare and the comfort they have in each other is obvious in the silence im so soft for them

Lucas / Hendery / Johnny :

“What about aftercare?” Hendery’s voice is unsure, wide eyes darting between you and your two big protectors.

Johnny scoffs, “what do you two know about aftercare? Look at Lucas, he’s about to pass out.”

Lucas does look really tired.

Lucas simply shrugs, tugging you to his chest so he can press a kiss to your mouth, his tongue invading your mouth before he bites down on your bottom lip, a smirk on his face, “see you later baby.”

this scene has 4 people in it but is mostly y/n's 2nd person pov, so again, body language of the boys is key

Hendery is whipped and asks about aftercare because he's soft boy

Lucas is tired but he makes sure to say goodbye and use pet names, he's a lazy kind of lover but it works for him i think

Johnny showing up at all to drive them home goes to show how whipped he is for cam baby lol

Jinyoung :

he never falls asleep easier than when you’re with him, and you’re already passed out. But tonight, it takes a while for Jinyoung to get out of his own thoughts, too many anxieties running through his head.

Five orgasms was enough. One for each man you’ve slept with on camera. He’s not sure why that number means something to him, he doubts you’ll even consider it. But for some reason, it calms something bubbling in his chest.

You mumble his name in your sleep, and it’s the last thing he hears before passing out, a smile on his lips, cheek nestled against your forehead

our first scene in the dude's pov so we can see their feelings!

Jinyoung has the domestic watching you sleep trait, and he uses this time to face his anger and jealousy. although he doesn't overtly state he loves the reader, the clues in this scene are enough to hint that he does ;) like what's softer than falling asleep with a smile after kissing the forehead of the girl you just fucked the shit out of-

Taehyung :

“Stay the night.” Taehyung says, kissing your forehead as he cuddles you tighter, “and for breakfast.”

You laugh a little, humming with happiness as you burrow yourself deeper into the embrace. “How could I skip breakfast when I’m your main dish?” you tease.

Taehyung smiles, fuck, he loves-

Oof. He has to reel in his thoughts. Love is not on the table. It never has been.

Then why the hell does he keep feeling this way about you?

He’d met you through Namjoon originally. The entire maknae line had been in awe of you that first night, and you’d closely become friends with them all. Namjoon had told them all later that you were friends with a lot of idols and had worked in the industry for a while. He’d said you were discreet and a great companion, someone who understood what they were going through with work.

Someone who wouldn’t be a risk. Your feelings would never be compromised. Namjoon said you had a handle on your emotions and that friends with benefits with you would never result in any unwanted or sticky feelings.

On your end at least.

The sex is great, you’re a great girl, wonderful to talk to- who wouldn’t fall in love with you?

Taehyung looks down at you, you’re already asleep. He brushes a finger across your cheek, removing a stray lash that was there. He looks at the lash for a moment on the pad of his finger. After a moment of reflection, he blows it away and makes a wish, although he knows it will never come true.

Taehyung's pov really sheds light on a lot of this. it sets y/n as an idol fuck buddy (referred to tae by rm) who's good at not catching any 'sticky/unwanted feelings' so this alludes to the fact that she's probably not catching feels with ANY of her fuck buddies

Tae solidifies 'who wouldn't fall in love with [y/n]' hinting that everyone in the series is in love with her

taehyung knows it's one-sided pining when he makes a wish on a stray eye lash :(

Jaehyun :

They act as if this is the most normal thing in the world, Johnny pulling you to his side so you can taste his cooking. Johnny makes you open your mouth so he can spoon feed you, making an ‘ah’ sound that has Jaehyun’s skin heating with jealousy.

He has to remind himself, you’re not his.

And, from the way you look up at Johnny with stars in your eyes, he realizes you may never be.

our most recent boy Jaehyun, like Jinyoung, also gets his own inner monologue of jealousy :(

this solidifies Jae's pining, but also Johnny's again when he babies y/n and feeds her at the stove, because Johnny is low key the central figure of the series lol

[wolferals]

🇪🇸champaña y flores🇪🇸

finally fallin' chapter 8 / FINAL CHAPTER

arón piper x reader

(The spanish is all google translate, i wont take responsibility for mistakes)

chapter 8 / (this is it guys⭐️)

Your last encounter with Arón was now exactly one week ago. It was Friday night and your actual plan had been to stay in, watch some tv and snack meanwhile.

As you put on your sweatshirt, your phone rang.

Arón. Again.

He had called you about 10 times the past 6 days. He wasnt lying about that he'd annoy the shit out of you.

You had never picked up but you did this time.

„Arón." you spoke and tried to sound annoyed but started chuckling right after.

You heard him laugh as well.

„Good evening, y/n." His choice of words made you grin.

„Whats up?" you asked and sat down on your bed.

„Well, its Friday night. What are you up to, can I maybe join?"

You rolled your eyes.

„No you can not join, im just home too. Watching tv."

-„Can I come over, I wanna see your place. Por favor?"

Immediately you shook your head after looking at this mess of a room. Clothes everywhere. Dirty dishes on your desk and a thick layer of dust on the floor.

„Arón." you started but got interrupted by him right away.

„Come on. I wanna do something and you got nothing to do either, I wanna show you some things you havent seen before."

You lied back on your bed and stared at the ceiling with the call on speakerphone, resting your phone on your chest.

„I dont wanna dress up now." you groaned as you thought of going to the bathroom, doing your makeup, picking a cute outfit and ACTUALLY leaving the house.

„Please y/n, i really want you to see something."

He sounded frustrated almost. You sighed.

„Also you dont have to dress up or anything, just come outside, I'm in front of the building."

Quickly you jumped off the bed and ran to the nearest window that was facing the street. You tiled your head out the window and couldnt believe it.

„You fucker." you spoke and looked down at him as he was standing at your door in his usual black jeans and a loose band shirt.

He grinned at you and then waved.

„Come outside. Ill be waiting here."

Then he hung up.

Your first reaction to this was by giving him the middle finger and then going back inside.

Since you looked like absolutely trash, you rushed to apply some concealer because girl, we need to cover them eyebags. As well as brushing your hair out and quickly moisturizing your face.

Then you threw on a top and a cozy little jacket on top, making your sweatpants look a little better.

This whole look didnt even take 5 minutes and you were off to go downstairs to meet this dude.

„I cant believe you." you spoke and hit him in the chest as you walked past him on the sidewalk.

„Nice to see you too." he laughed and caught up with you, now walking beside you.

He was wearing a strong cologne. But you liked it. It always reminded you of him.

„I promise you're gonna like this place."

You tried to play this „annoyed little girl" but you were just too bad at it.

The laughters slipped through everytime you tried to say something mean to him.

„Be honest, how much do you like me on a scale from one to ten." He suddenly asked and you could feel his eyes on you.

You smiled a bit and looked up to him.

„Ill tell you later."

He just laughed.

And then he did something unexpected.

He took your hand. He was holding your hand. And you didnt pull away. It felt good though, it was warm and comforting somehow.

„We're almost there." he broke the comfortable silence at some point as you turned a corner.

„You keep walking, I'm behind you, I just want you to see it first." He smiled at you and eventually let go of your hand.

And this comforting feeling was gone. The one you already missed.

But you did as he said and walked through the little alley somewhere inbetween people's houses.

And then you saw it.

In the middle of 4 small houses was a hidden location, with a small white table in the middle and two baby blue chairs.

There was fairy lights everywhere and it smelled like flowers due to the beautifully decorated balconies over your heads.

„Wow." was all you could say as you felt Arón's chest hit your back.

„Come."

He took your hand and lead you to one of the chairs.

„I even got food." He smiled and grabbed a brown basket from close to the bushes.

You were in awe. Had he set all this up for you? And you had the fucking audacity to reject him first and now sit in this beautiful little garden with your black dirty sweatpants on? Girl you need to step up your game a bit if you want this boy to stay this nice.

„Arón, you." you started but he just smiled at you, hypnotizing you with his beautiful eyes.

„I know you're not sure what you feel and all but I wanted to do this because you said that no guy has ever properly taken you out. And I know its not a fancy restaurant or a nice bar but i figured you'd like this more."

You couldnt help but be speechless.

He seemed to notice and grinned.

„Here, Itzan said you always stole his strawberries at lunch so I got you some."

You intentionally grabbed a strawberry and bit into the sweet little fruit.

Spanish strawberries did taste different than what you were used to. They were a lot sweeter than the ones you had at home.

„You want some champagne as well?" He asked and held up a nice bottle of „Veuve Clicquot".

You just nodded. He poured you a glass, then one for himself and you just looked at each other for a little while before happily speaking a „cheers".

It tasted like magic. Not only the champagne, this entire moment was magical to you. No guy had even remembered how much you loved strawberries and Arón had bought what looked like an entire bucket full.

This felt too good to be true.

„Y/n?" Arón asked you after a while of you just stuffing your mouth with strawberries since they were just too delicious.

„Hm?" you asked with half your mouth full. He laughed.

„You're so fucking cute, do you know that?"

There it was again, the blushing.

„Thank you." you then spoke and looked around before looking back at him.

„De nada, of course." Arón smiled again and took another sip of the champagne.

You then got up to walk around the rather small table to observe the scenery. You could feel Arón's eyes following your every step as you were looking at the different kinds of flowers, even smelling them.

„You're so beautiful." you heard him say behind you. It made you smile brightly but you were glad he didnt see that.

You continued looking at everything for a couple of minutes until you then heard Arón get up and he walked closer to you, hitting your back again.

„You dont know how happy I am right now." he whispered and placed his chin on your right shoulder.

„I'm happier." you whispered almost inaudible only for him to hear.

Out of reflex you turned around to him, his eyes were lit by the lights above your head. He smiled at you again.

„Y/n, I dont even..."

You cut him off by softly pressing your lips to his.

He immediately reacted and cupped your face to deepen the kiss.

This guy did have deeper feelings for you and he made you genuinely happy, you knew that now.

The kiss lasted a few moments before you needed to take a breath. You slowly opened your eyes and looked into his beautiful brown eyes.

He was brightly smiling, showing off his tooth gap.

You had noticed it right away and it made you remember him immediately. It was just cute and unique.

There was this silence again, his hands were still holding your face and your left hand was placed on his side.

The warm air was moving your hair, some bees were buzzing in the flowers around you.

Aróns breathing was just as heavy as yours, you could feel it.

You had to smile again, you were just too bubbly inside right now. And excited. You finally had a guy who loved you for who you were and even kissed you in a beautiful yard with your damn sweatpants on.

The next thing you did was running your fingers through his short hairs on the back of his head. They were slowly growing back from when he had to shave it off for Élite.

You noticed little curls forming already.

He leaned his head back, fully enjoying your movements.

„Hm y/n?" he spoke quietly and looked back down at you.

„Hm?" you replied but were too concentrated scanning every part of his beautiful face.

„I dont know if they still do this. This is probably dumb. But do you want to be my girlfriend?"

It made you chuckle. You werent sure either if it was still a thing to officially ask since you figured it was just a state to be in. „Dating".

You looked at him once again before replying with a short little „yes".

And this boy smiled brightly again. And just looking up at this man made you realize how much you missed in your life so far. Love wasnt about feeling you have to tell someone what you actually feel. Love was a lot more than that and you had never had the chance to experience it.

No guy ever gave you the feeling you were worth more than sex, making him happy and occasionally getting a compliment.

But Arón, he was treating you like the queen you are.

You were important to him, and he was important to you.

He loved you. Someone finally loved you the way you deserved it.

And you were sure it was that love too what you felt growing inside you.

You had fallen for him.

And you were still falling for him.

You were finally fallin'.

*

*

☀️thank you guys so much for commenting and complimenting me on this story, this is it. thank you☀️

[stevesharrlngtons]

120 steve

he’s pampering me, let him be 

not a shot for shot scene (bc u know im not a fan), but may hold slight spoilers for those who haven’t finished st3 yet. but it’s kinda an au? idk, but i hope you enjoy lmao

you were getting sick and fucking tired of coming so close to your death. you were far too young to have seen what you had, experience the trauma that had been dished your way, and have to live forever with the knowledge of interdimensional creatures out for blood.  

and as you sat now in the starcount food court, with blood caked skin, a throbbing headache and the knowledge of possessions, russian spies and more upside down bullshit, you longed deeply for a time when wondering if steve would like your new lip color was your biggest problem. that’s what mattered, not hoping that you would evade monsters and live to see the next day.  

everything just kept happening so fast. in ‘83 it felt like days. in ‘84, weeks. now, you swore you, robin, steve, dustin and erica had been fighting for months, years even. you had to remind yourself continually that it was only friday, and not months in the future. two days ago steve had planned a date for the two of you. nothing fancy, just a movie and burgers at the drive in, but you had been looking forward to it. you had been looking forward to a night off. you were supposed to be swapping spit with your boyfriend in the back of a movie theater, not listening to chief hopper and dustin play rapid catch up on the newest threats.  

you gnawed at your thumb nail, letting your mind go blank and take a rest. you weren’t sure when you’d be privy to another calm moment like this. it needed all the time it could get.

you stayed in your blissfully unaware bubble until you felt a tap on your shoulder. thumb still resting on your lips, you glanced up to see one of the men who had come in with hopper looming over you.

when he saw he caught your attention, he shook his hand at you gently. he held a damp handkerchief and was montioning to your blood covered knees.

“oh, um thank you.” you offered a sweet smile as you gingerly took the handkerchief from the man, who grinned when you took it.

he then turned to the other tag along, muttered in words you could now recognized as russian and looked back to you, smile still intact.

“he says to tell him if you need anything else.” the man informed you.

“uh, alright. tell him thank you?” you breathed an uncomfortable laugh as your eyes darted between the two strange men.

“она говорит спасибо.”

she says thank you.

his grin only widened.

“i don’t think i caught your name, either of you.” you looked between both of them again.

“murray bauman,” he extended his hand which you took, “and this is alexei.”

“(y/n) (y/l/n), it’s a pleasure. though, i wish it weren’t under less threatening circumstances.” you said with a charismatic lit to your voice.

murray relied your words in russian as you shook alexei’s hand, who placed his free hand on the back of your hand clasped in his.

“удовольствие все мое.”

the pleasure is mine.

with him still holding you hand, you glanced over to murray, your smile staying put as to not tip alexei off on your slight discomfort.

“he says the pleasure is all his.”  

“quite the charmer.” you demurely dipped your head.

“она сказала, что ты очаровательный.”

she says you’re charming.

“она очаровательная.” alexei replied almost instantly, a slight blush dusting his cheeks.

murray chuckled, “he says you’re the charming one.”

“did he flirt with joyce this much?” you prompted, turning back to rid the blood from your knees.

“that was jim’s prerogative.” murray scoffed, and you laughed.

“well, it is nice to know that i am the least bit alluring in this state. i feel like i’ve been hit by a truck.”

alexei’s eyes were ping ponging between you and murray as you spoke out of his native tongue.

“так?“

so?

“она польщена твоим флиртом.”

she is flattered by your flirting.

alexei didn’t reply, but his bashful look said it all.

while you cleaned, alexei flirted and murray translated, steve stood watching it all from a far. his eyes narrowed as he watched you laugh and reply back to whatever murray had just said. the russian asshole he was with was giving you some looks steve didn’t approve of. this green feeling wasn’t unfamiliar territory for steve, but he didn’t think he’d be experiencing it here and now, of all times.

you were naturally appealing and attractive to others, you exuded it. people were drawn to you, adored and worshipped you when your orbit caught them. you couldn’t turn it off, couldn’t push people away, no matter the situation. but right now, steve wished you could.

“aye, what do you think they’re talkin’ about?” steve elbowed robin and tipped his chin over to where you sat.

robin observed the scene for a moment before speaking.

“if i had to guess? russian doctor dude is trying to butter up your girl. i can tell from here he’s flirting hard core.”

steve didn’t need any more encouragement than that to stalk across the food court toward to three of you. when he arrived, steve joined in on the laughter, his obviously forced and angry.

“wow, what’s so funny over here? didn’t think the end of the world would be a laughing matter.” steve practically berated.

“well, we were actually just making light of this situation. we’ve done this before, baby. y’know if we get to in our heads, we crumble.” you reached up to take steve’s hand in yours hoping it would calm him, but his resolve only hardened.

“yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, cool, cool. so, shitbag soviet over here ain’t bothering you?” steve glared daggers into a very confused alexei.

“oh, goodey. another man in this group incapable of expressing their insecurities in a constructive way.” murray chimed in sarcastically.

“the fuck you just say?” steve took a step forward and puffed out his chest at murray’s comment. sadly, only proving murray’s point further.

you quickly turned around to the two men behind you and kept a death grip on your boyfriend’s hand.  

“murray, darling. alexei,” he perked up at the mention of his name, “can you both go grab me a cup of ice and something to eat? i’m starved.”

“она попросила лед и еду.” murray relayed.

she asked for ice and food.

“женский мальчик ее разозлил?” alexei asked, worried.

did the feminine boy make her angry?

“нет, что-то говорит мне, что она много занимается этим.” murray snorted a laugh before leading alexei off to find what you requested.

no, i have a feeling she deals with this a lot.

“what? what did they say about me?” steve craned his neck to watch them leave.

“sorry, i didn’t become fluent in russian since the last time i saw you.” you replied.

“well, i know it was about me. commie assholes.” he cursed.

you slapped his leg, “hey! what the hell?”

“those commie assholes are helping us figure this shit out. don’t be an a dick.”

“you’re only saying that because he’s kissing your ass.” steve muttered as he flexed his jaw.

“can’t get mad at him for something you love to do too, harrington.” you shot him a smile.

he looked at you and rolled his eyes, why did your smile have to be so cute? could you stop being so cute for five fucking seconds?

“whatever, it’s still annoying. even robin could tell how thick he was laying it on with you.” steve grimaced, coming to sit next to you.

“he’s pamering me, let him be.” you sighed and rested your temple against his shoulder. as you did, steve slung his arm around you.

“i should be pampering you. not that fuckin’ babushka.” steve brought you closer to him, reveling in your closeness and satiating his protective instinct.

somehow after a day of running from russians, being tortured and sweating from pure fear, you still smelled amazing. god, he hated how perfect you were sometimes.

“let him. let’s me conserve my energy for when i pamper you after this is all over.” you lifted your head briefly to press a kiss to his cheek.

“if we get out of this.”

“we will. this is all gonna work out.”

steve wasn’t so sure. there was still so much that could go wrong. the obstacles were rising and viable plans were dwindling. billy was out there with his army of flayed, ready and waiting to kill them all, and their one weapon was weak and acting faulty. but, steve wasn’t going to let himself be cynical. like you said, you had done this before, side by side and won. so what was a third time? what was the saying? third time’s the charm? he could only hope that applied now.

but in case it didn’t, steve memorized this moment with you. curled to his chest, smelling like fresh air and wild flowers.

feedback is greatly appreciated!!

requests are closed 

[lovely-nctzen]

can we still be friends • ten

↬ After splitting up, Johnny and Y/N struggle to detach their lives from one another. Their relationship as a couple lasted for almost five years until they both decided to breakup. As they start dating other people the ex-couple consistently check on each other under the guise of "friendship." Only to find out that one of them is still in love with the other.

Johnny and Taeyong were at the nearest arcade in the town along with some of the youngest members. Taeyong wanted to invite him to get Johnny’s mind of Y/N and why not start with games since that’s what he loves the most. However as the were busy shooting hoops, Johnny started to mention Y/N again. “Bro, I think Y/N and I can still get back together.” At the mention of her name, Taeyong stood still and dropped the basketball in the container. Taeyong looked at him with uncertainty. “Really?”

Johnny was so sure that there was still something happening between them, but the others felt like Johnny needs to move on. “Even if we’ve broken up, we still act like we’re together.” Taeyong sighed as he stared at the lovesick boy. “That’s difficult, man. And you know what else is difficult? It’s difficult to see with those glasses. You need a new pair of glasses.” Taeyong slowly ripped the glasses off his face and put a new pair on him. “Here, these are better.” Confused, Johnny looked at Taeyong like he had two heads. “Dude, where’d you even get those from? And how do you know my prescription?” Walking away to play another game, Taeyong waved him off. “Don’t worry about it. What matters is that it looks good on you.”

Confused once again, Johnny ran after him. “Enjoy the single life, Johnny. It’s fun, I promise,” said Haechan who was playing a shooting game nearby. Johnny gave him a look of ‘are you sure?’ thus making Haechan scoff at him. “What do you know about relationships, you’re just a kid.” “Trust me dude because it’s going to be worth it.” “I can’t believe I’m listening to you but okay, I trust you and Taeyong.”

Later that night both Johnny and Y/N we’re at the apartment, but Y/N was all dressed up. She was wearing an emerald green dress that went above her knees and curled her long hair. She was putting the finishing touches of her makeup. As she was finishing up, Johnny asked her if she wanted some bacon since he cooked dinner. However, she wasnt paying attention and didn’t hear what he had to say. “What?” Fixing the plates, he asked again, “Do you want bacon?” Coming out the room, she felt apologetic for not tell him that she was going out tonight. “Oh, maybe next time. I’m going out.”

Y/N was scrambling to put her shoes on when Johnny turned around with a pan of eggs in one hand and a spatula in the other. “Oh wow, you look gorgeous,” he said with a smile on his face. “What’s the occasion?” As Y/N was putting on her heels, she responded, “I have a dinner to go to.” Johnny nodded his head in acknowledgment before realizing that she meant that she’s going on a date. Soon the smile faded from his face.

Y/N’s phone started to ring and when she answered it, he stared at her somberly when she wasn’t looking. “Yes, I’m on my way down,” she replied before hanging up the phone. Y/N stood up and smoothed down her dress before telling Johnny that she’s heading out now. But before she could open the door, Johnny asked her if he wanted him to pick her up later. Shaking her head, she gave him a smile. “It’s okay, I can manage, but thank you though.”

With that Y/N left for her date, leaving Johnny all by himself. He looked at the two plates that were supposed to be for the two of them, but he sighed and put one away. “I guess it’s just me tonight.”

Meanwhile with Y/N, she was under an umbrella with rushing to get inside the dry restaurant. She was greeted by one of the waitresses and was soon led to her date who was waiting for her at the table. “Hi, Y/N? I’m Trevor, here have a seat.” Y/N smiled before thanking her date. He didn’t look bad and he seemed like a gentleman from her first impression. Hopefully she didn’t look nervous to him. She was fixing her dress and making sure everything went well.

There was a brief moment of silence before Tevor told her that she looked nice. Again, Y/N smiled and said thank you. Again, another brief pause before he told her that he had already ordered. “I hope you don’t mind. I ordered the black angus ribeye and the filet mignon.” Nodding her head, she forced a smile. I’m her head she was thinking of how expensive those dishes were. Meanwhile Trevor was just cool and acting like he had all the money in the world. “Waiter, bring out the appetizers as soon as they are ready, okay? Make them extra special and use the cheese that I brought back from Italy” Oh man does he sound high maintenance. Y/N was not liking where this was going, so might as well fake it.

“You went to Italy?” “Yeah, actually. I just got back yesterday. And then next week, I’m going to Greece.” Y/N internally cringed to herself and pretended that she was impressed. “Oh wow... So does your work require you to travel a lot?” He gave her a very firm no that kind of shocked her before giving a proper explanation. “Actually im a pediatrician, but I really like to move around because I just wanna go to other places from time to time, you know.” Nodding her head to ‘agree’ with him, she continued to force a smile.

“Life is too short to just be in one place all your life. I mean, imagine, all your life, you’re just stuck at home. You see the same people every single day. Isn’t that boring?” She just gave him a look that was like, ‘no?’ And before she could” even respond to him, he quickly changed the subject to her. “What about you? Do you like to travel?” Fuck, she didn’t know what to say! I guess you just fake it Y/N pretend that you like to travel. “Yeah, uh I love to travel!” “Nice, where’d you go last?” Oh shoot, you’re screwed now.

“Last? Oh my. Umm...I’ve been to a lot of places, but the last one was in...Switzerland.” Really Y/N? Switzerland was the best place you could fake going to? “Did you go to the Swiss Alps?” “Huh? Oh yeah, it’s very beautiful. There are a lot of Swiss in Switzerland.” Trevor grinned at her before saying, “I knew you were also a travel bug.” “Ha, yeah...a travel bug.” Y/N was internally talking to herself and beating herself up about what she told Trevor. You’re so in for it now girl. Just drink your wine and shut up. Awkwardly smiling, Y/N took the glass of wine and took a small sip as she faked laughed. “Yup, that’s me...a travel bug.” Grabbing his wine as well, he held up his glass. “Here, cheers to being a travel bug.”

Oh god, what did you get yourself into now?

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tag list: @suh-duction @fic-recs @jaehyunluvcult @skittlez-area512 @jaeminslatte

[the--blackdahlia]

Too Young to Fall in Love Chapter 19 (Dirt!Nikki x Reader)

Title: Too Young to Fall in Love 19

Summary: Nikki Sixx was a hard partying musician on the strip. He never expected to fall in love with anyone, until a girl knocked on his dressing room door looking for a ride home and took his breath away. Just like everything else Nikki did; the drugs, the money, the music; Nikki went hard with love. (Y/n) Bass never expected the bassist of Motley Crue to be the one to shake her calm and calculated life up. She had a plan. Graduate school, become an epic producer, and watch from behind the scenes as her brother’s band rose to fame. Nikki and (Y/n) were perfect for each other, too bad her brother, Tommy, didn’t think so.

Series warnings:  Smut (18+ Please), drug use, language, referenced miscarriage, drug overdose, mentioned attempted suicide, out of character moments for everyone in the band, the timeline might be a little screwy but it’s fanfiction! I know nothing of music production and my medical knowledge is really screwy, so it won’t be accurate.

Weeks Later

"Oh days off, how I love them." (Y/n) laughed. "What are we doing today?" The boys were were gathered in her kitchen, eating.

“Going to the carnival!” Tommy said bouncing.

“Yeah but you are not going to drag her away from me like you did at Disneyland,” Nikki said holding on to (Y/n) tightly. He looked at Vince with a knowing glare as Vince passed him the ring he had hidden from Tommy. Putting it in his pocket, Nikki smiled at (Y/n) and kissed her.

“Dude! Come on!” Tommy sighed. “It was bad enough I accidentally walked in on you guys but please… I don’t need it to come back!”

"Well a carnival sounds amazing. I'm not holding any hair back when someone eats too much and then goes on a ride."

"It happened One time!" Tommy called out. (Y/n) laughed and worked on cleaning up the dishes.

“Yeah you’re on your own there Tommy,” Nikki pulled (Y/n) away. “Leave it and we can handle it later.” he whispered as he pressed his chest to her back and kissed her neck. “I love you, but we should get going so that we can come home and spend more time alone without these hags,” Nikki muttered against her skin.

"That sounds amazing." She smiled. "Let's go."

They guys all peeled out towards the carnival, they got in got tickets to rides. Nikki dragged (Y/n) to the ferris wheel.

"Where are you going?" Tommy asked. Vanessa and Vince tried to distract him. "I wanna go on the ferris wheel too!"

“Look Tommy a pie eating contest!” Vanessa said as Tommy ran towards it. “You owe me big time Sixx!” Vanessa said as she looked at Vince. “So, why did you drag me here, shouldn’t you be with your stripper girlfriend or whatever?”

"I thought it'd be nice. And you know what Nikki has planned…" he held her hand.

“Yeah I do, but… Isn’t she pregnant or whatever I’m pretty sure you married her or something?” Vanessa pulled her hand away from him. “I may be many things, but a homewrecker isn’t one of them.” Vanessa walked off and reached Tommy as he signed up. Vince sighed and stood off to the side, watching her.

Nikki sat back in the car as it came to a stop letting them see the view of the fair. Even though the view was breathtaking he could only see (Y/n). “So I have something to ask you,” He said and took a deep breath.

"You ok?" (Y/n) looked over at him.

He took out the velvet box and opened it slowly showing her the ring he got her, “I thought about this alot…” he took a shaky breath. “When i’m not with you it’s like I can’t breath and I… I feel lost without you,” he looked into her eyes. “(Y/n) Bass will you marry me?” She leaned over and kissed him deeply.

"Of course I will marry you!" She said happily. "I love you!"

“I love you too!” he kissed her and placed the ring on her finger. “I can’t wait to make you Mrs. Sixx.”

"When do we tell my brother?" (Y/n) asked, snuggling into his side.

“How about we elope in vegas and then we tell him?” Nikki suggested as he kissed her. “I don’t know Sweet girl, it’s up to you.” Nikki sighed. “He might not talk to me again you know that.”

"Vince is having that party in a couple days. We could just announce it then." She looked up at him.

“If that’s what you want then we can tell him then.” Nikki sighed as he looked around. “I love you I need to use the restroom I’ll be right back.” NIkki sighed. He hated feeling like this, he felt like he was doing something wrong. His hands were shaking and he needed a quick fix. The guys all did their fair share but Nikki started to feel the need for more. Getting his stash out he did his lines and sighed. He was feeling good. And if he felt good, that meant (Y/n) felt good, right?

“Hey man you ok?” Tommy asked him. “Man the pie eating contest is going to be sweet.”

“Yeah it is,” Nikki looked to Tommy, “I asked (Y/n) to marry me.”

He didn’t know what made him do it, but he did it. He told him, and he was just waiting for the blow back. But it didn’t come, instead tommy walked out of the bathroom eerily silent. Nikki sighed as he closed his eyes. He wasn't expecting that reaction.

That’s when Nikki heard (Y/n) scream.

“Thomas Lee Bass! You put me down right now!” (Y/n) called out. Nikki ran out of the bathroom.

“We’re going to talk without your boyfriend.” Tommy grumbled, putting her in his car. “I’ll bring you home when we’re done.” He started to drive, Nikki running after them.

Tommy drove them to one of their favorite spots as kids, a small park close to their parents neighborhood. He shut off the car and got out to lean on the hood. His mind racing with all sorts of ideas and words. But one question came to mind.

“Why?” he breathed.

“Why what?” (Y/n) asked. “You’re the one who kidnapped me!”

“Why did you say yes!? You guys barely know each other you’re only 19 (Y/n)! Not to mention the fact that you don’t know what he’s like on tour!” Tommy growled. “He…” he stopped himself trying to remember the Nikki that would be home, but lately with the pressure from the label, Nikki looked like he was spiraling.

“He what? I know about the women that he lets suck his cock. I know about the drugs. But he comes home to me, not them. He loves me Tommy. Why don’t you want me to be happy?” She asked.

“I do, I do want you to be happy (Y/n/n). I just… I don’t think that he’s in the right place to be committed to you. I… I’m starting to spiral too you know and I don;t think I’ll ever stop.” Tommy siad.

“Tommy.” She pulled her brother to her and hugged him. “No matter what, I will be there to help you, okay. I’ll help you from spiraling.” She sighed and went to her purse. Her hands were shaking as she pulled a bottle out and tossed a pill into her mouth. “You’re not the only one spiraling T-Bone.”

“What did you just take?” Tommy sat straighter.

“Something for my nerves. That’s all you need to know.” She told him, dropping the bottle back into her purse.

“Does Nikki know?” Tommy looked at the ring on her finger. It was as if it was taunting him.

“I don’t know.” She told him. “He doesn’t even like me drinking soda because of the caffeine. But he has his drugs, I have mine.” Tommy grabbed her purse then and pulled out the bottle. If he could distract himself with this, he didn’t have to look at the ring. “Thomas!”

Tommy took one and popped it into his mouth swallowing, “we’re in this together (Y/n/n).” he sighed.  “Besides he’s looking out for you after you crashed from your Caffeine high… holy shit, I need to move I… what the fuck….”

“Tommy, I think you need to sit down.” She said. “It’s speed okay.” He stared at her.

“You’re taking SPEED!,” Tommy felt like he wanted to run and run forever. “Why the hell would you need this?” Tommy looked at her and started to feel good. “(Y/n) seriously what the hell… I mean jezus.”

“I have a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in. It helps okay.” She sighed. “I just don’t like feeling like I’m letting people down.” She closed her eyes and leaned against his car. “I don’t want to let any of you down.”

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[lonelyshrimp]

What happened with your roomies if you don’t mind me asking...?

 Yknow what I’m in a mood and they don’t know my tumblr (haha they think I’m a cisstraight girl lol) so let’s get into some shit. Imma put everything under a read more bc imma rant a bit and this is gonna get long.

TW: food, unsanitary (general things not being kept clean, typically bathroom and kitchen related), drug use, fighting, slurs

tl;dr if you dont feel like reading this beast:

They steal what food i dare leave out in the kitchen rather tan keep in my room

They slam doors excessively, fight, yell horrible things to each other, have friends over yelling at like 2 am (last night for example)

Leave the doors unlocked and open?? We cant even lock the front door anymore??? (Dw the doors to our rooms all have locks. If I’m in my room or out of the house, my door is locked)

Constantly throw around the r slur. Like. All the time. Including one person having called me it. Y i k e s

One person keeps smoking in the house even though i’ve asked numerous times (and even have a note on my door) asking people to please smoke outside, it gives me headaches. You are physically hurting me stop.

Don’t Clean Anything. The kitchen is a wreck. The toilets are constantly clogging, I Am In Hell.

For context: the house is a one story house divided into a main floor and finished basement. It’s a rooming house and the basement is largely seperate from upstairs. (They have a kitchen door that they keep closed and locked.) The stairs to the basement are split into two smaller flights, with a landing in between the floors. That’s where the side door is. The public spaces upstairs are the kitchen (connects to stairs), the hallway, and the two bathrooms (big main one, tiny water closet by the front door). The rest of the upstairs is split into five rooms. For comprehension sake, we’ll call my roommates: The Couple (M&F), A, T, and J.

Mmkay lets start with the least egregious and move our way up, shall we? Theft! Of anything and everything! No one can have anything out in the public areas if they actually care about it. It. Will. Get. Stolen. Now, I have a mini fridge and the second biggest room here, so I’m lucky in that 99% of my groceries, as well as all my other belongings, fit in my room. There’s just a wee problem: I don’t have a freezer. Not to fear, past naïve me thought, I’ll just clean out and use the locked freezer since I still have the keys for that fridge! (We have two fridges and food theft was a problem beforehand and so me and my friend who lived here cleaned out the second fridge to use as our own and kept it locked.) I decided to do this after I had bought myself some ice cream, wrote my name on the top, and put it in the main freezer. I go to have some ice cream later that week, I open the tub for the first time (as in I removed the seal holding the lid onto the tub) to find that someone eaten half the tub of ice cream while making it seem like it hadn’t been opened. I know it happened at home bc the spoon marks were clear as day and I have to walk 20 minutes back from the grocery store. That woulda melted by then (Also I would’ve noticed at the store that. The tub was hella lopsided??? And way too light???) So yea of course I’m ticked now, I spent 6 bucks on that bro like just ask or get ur own??? So I put it the other freezer, and for a while it’s fine. Next month I decide to treat myself to some frozen waffles and some chicken strips and come home to find that the hinges holding the locks onto the doors of the fridge were torn out of the fridge/freezer doors. Like. The screws were pried outta this metal door rendering the locks completely useless (to the point i wouldn’t even be able to put the hinges back on.) And the cherry on top?? My ice cream was gone!!! Hope u enjoyed it, asshole. So whatever. Fine. I put my food away and. a week later?? Im like “Man i could go for some waffles rn”. I bought 2 8 packs. One chocolate chip, one cinnamon (y’all i literally buy the cheapest ones Zehrs sells. 2,19$ a box y’all. not even eggos). Surprise surprise!! The entire box of choccy chip ones GONE. Mind u, i wrote my name on all of these boxes, as well as a very large “DO NOT EAT”. so i begrudgingly had a couple (note that, 2) cinnamon waffles and move on. A couple days later I go to have some more and. The waffles are completely gone. Out of a total of 16 waffles, ya boy got a solid 2. (It’s worth noting that there was a single waffle left, but at 0,27$ a waffle, I didn’t mind leaving the box on the table with a note basically reading “these are cheap af, buy ur own bitch”.) (I didn’t swear that much tho)

I’d add the bike to the list but i can’t confirm nor deny that one of my roommates stole my tires and seat off my bike (although M does work on bikes all the time so man idk.)

Next up: wow people here are l o u d. I’m talking slamming doors all the time, slamming things around, yelling, playing music wildly loud. It’s awful. Like. You can just. Close the door quietly? Stop slamming things around please? It’s awful because loud sudden noises make me panic and lemme tell ya, wakin up at eight am bc your a-hole roommate decided to slam the door eight times bc the front door is broken because someone took the border around the jamb off instead of fixing it so we can actually?? lock that door?? because it doesnt quite fit in the jamb and so the only wat to lock it was the chain lock and. someone took that too so thats fun :)))))). The side door isn’t that much better. We have a code lock and. No One Ever Locks It. Like. I’ll come outta room and?? It’s just open????? Close the door???????????

The worst, however, is the fucking fighting. The Couple love to argue all the time. and yell at each other and slam the doors or smashing shit and they yell pretty awful things to each other. Like. I’ve heard M call his gf some awful shit. It’s worse when they have people over too. The other day there were like. 14 cops in here bc of them at like 2 am. Cue me, 2 am, trying to watch a livestream and seeing like??? Six cop cars pull up????? Wh a t????? Not fun not good for my brain.

God and. What is with everyone and the r slur??? Like what?? there are so many words you can choose stop using that word. Like okay the other night someone?? took the dc adapter for the wireless modem and one of the dudes downstairs as well as the couple were looking to see if they had a compatible dc adapter and so i just decided to wait?? and i just spaced out a bit okay whatever i was lookin at the wall like i do and fuckin. the couple had a couple friends over and one of em was chillin between the kitchen and the hall and M yells out from his room “Hey don’t you feel weird with this creepy ass bitch standing next to you? Like what is she, m*ntally r*tarded?” like wow okay dude i’m literally not doing anything. Luckily his friends reaction was basically “?? She lives here?? She can stand there if she wants??” (wow referring to myself as she feels weird and wrong).

A big problem I have is I feel like theres a community in this house that I just don’t fit into? Part of it is I’m like. the only person here who doesn’t do drugs of any kind?? Like I have nothing against ppl who use drugs like whatever bro, but it feels super othering to me when i can’t relate to anyone here because of it. That and. Getting T in particular but really just anyone but A to respect me asking that if you’re going to smoke anything to do it outside because weed and to a lesser extent cigarette smoke trigger my sensory disorder and causes me pain and causes sensory overload and I still find myself asking people to smoke outside.Like I’ve never been unreasonable and said “no drugs in the house” or some bs. I’m just asking u to respect my disability thanks.And like?? I’ll get into this in a second but there were needles in the toilet?? Bro throw them out properly.

And now: Hell.

Can no one clean up after themselves?? Do your dishes. If theres food left on your plate, throw it out first, don’t dump it in the sink. Seriously the kitchen sink is fucked. The kitchen is gross. The microwave ugh ugh ugh no thanks. No one can clean everything. This is why all my cookware and dishes are in my room. That way I can make sure I 1) Still Own It and 2) Its clean and usable. I clean them as I go and just use my own shit.

Nothing compares to the bathrooms, though. It seems like every other day one of the toilets are clogged. Last week there were spoons in the sink?? Like at least 10 spoons. In the bathroom sink. The floor is dirty because no one owns a mop and?? there was one in the kitchen?? I haven’t seen it in like a month. And the worst of all. Okay, it’s really bad when every one up here is between like. 16 and 19 I think? And I had to put up a sign in the bathroom asking people to flush when you’re done??? And I still have to flush before I can use the washroom???? And it feels like every week or so. The toilet’s clogged. Oh! I forgot to mention that the water closet doesn’t even have a doorknob anymore. Someone took it. But wait, it gets worse. Seriously if extremely unsanitary things bother u, stop reading now.

Twice in the past month I’ve had to contact the landlord because the toilets were beyond clogged. The first time was bad but oh lord nothing compares to the second time (aka last week). The first time was your pretty standard toilet clogs and backs up and its very gross. I contacted the landlord and it was fixed the next day and it was fine. For. Two Days. Im serious. See. People here have a real issue it seems of “The person before me didn’t flush so neither will I”, leading to a toilet bowl full of like. a half a roll of toilet paper and waste. F u n. What that led to was the toilet clogging, people not doing anything about it, and continuing to use it. Eventually the toilet bowl was full, so trow a shopping bag over the lid to mark the toilet as “Out of order” and move on to the other one.Both toilets were completely unusable. I emailed the landlord and i don’t know if either they or one of the people living here contacted them, but the old landlord and old property manager were here the other day to clean them out and fix them?? and yea among all the standard waste you’d expect in a toilet, there were needles? Like buddy theres a trash can right there? I know u had the needle caps bc they were in there too. just... disgusting...

bro this is just what i can think of off the top of my head i know theres more but oh no this is so long now. just. this is a lot more detail than u wanted but i wanted to get this out of my brain??

[cryptidofthekeys]

May I present to you- the babs

Okay so let me start off by saying I legit worked on these guys ALL day yesterday, mind you a few breaks of course! even then uhh breaks... didnt do me much good... my arm hurt like a b i t c h- but im super proud- god, just, these babs are gonna be fun to write with ....eventually- not now- god no- arm machine broke- I’ll put this under a keep reading btw so it aint too much a hassle

Names: Ashton (Ashton is the Sniper), Vincent (Vincent is the Spy and he's the leader of the group), and finally Erwin (he's the Medic) | Nicknames: Ash, Vin (Ash loves to call him Vinny much to his dismay but eh he'll be fine), and Erwin doesn't really have any nicknames he cares for tbh- just call him by his name | Genders: Male | Species/Race: Androids/Robots | Heights: Ashton is 8'7", Vincent is 9'5" making him the tallest of the group, and Erwin is only 5'0" making him the shortest of our lovely little group here | Hair Colors: Ashton's hair color (not that'll ye'll see much of it, he usually keeps his hat on) but his hair color is: Hickory Brown and honestly its just super messy underneath that hat, Vincent's hair is Pitch Black and slicked back, annnd finally Erwin's hair is dyed a: Mint Green (his hair is a Messy Undercut style) | Eye Colors: Ashton's is an Icy Blue, Vincent's is Imperial Red, and Erwin has heterochromia, his eyes are a light pastel blue and a Mint Green color | Appearances: Let's start off with Ashton bc why not, first off I gotta say- despite what the normal tf2 bots look like, these babs ACTUALLY look like r e a l mercs, real people, there's only a few ways to tell their androids and that's by looking closely at their open wounds which I'll get to all their prominent wounds in a moment, first up... Ashton usually wears punk-like clothing, or something similar- he has leather jackets with TONS of spikes on them, gloves with spikes on them, pants with the chains that hang down and don't forget them sweet sweet combat boots, he also tends to wear some of those face masks, most of the ones he owns has sharp teeth patterns on it but one in particular that he owns has eyes all over it (all of them are black, his clothing is either black or just REALLY dark colors in general) However, when Vincent and them aren't doing business stuff or whatever, he usually wears again, its mostly dark clothing but he doesn't give a shit what he wears like, t-shirts, tank-tops, whatever- that's when you can PROPERLY see his wounds and this android has a TON of them, v e r y open wounds that expose tons of wiring and robotic-y insides as well, so many various parts, so many w i r e s... just o o f- oh and for all of them I'll say they ALL have facial hair, Ashton has a circle beard, Vincent has a short boxed beard, and Erwin's is REALLY just stubble to get that out of the way, ahem- anyways, Ashton actually DOES have sharp teeth, a few rows of them actually. Now... Onto big boss man Vincent, Vincent is a fancy man for sure, fitting considering he's supposed to be an android/robot of the Spy, like Ashton, he H A T E S bright colored clothing but its for different reasons aside from bright ones just being irritating to look at, it also messes with his sensors actually, he's the only one out of the group who has that problem- the other's sensors aren't bothered at all by bright clothing, anyways- Vincent usually wears dark colored suits, not just black n brown though he has MULTIPLE options, dark red, dark blue, etc- I could go on- he has a LOT of fancy clothing, even his s h o e s are fancy, oh and uh he wears the typical leather gloves and that balaclava/ski mask lookin thing ya know the usual spy attire there blah blah, he also sometimes wears fedoras or some sorta fancy hat n stuff, unlike Ashton he doesn't have rows of razor bladed teeth, his teeth are just- normal tbh but that doesn't make him any less dangerous- he has a few wounds actually, one on his back that reveals some robotic parts and has a few wires sticking out although it doesn't seem to bother him too much, a has a really large stab wound on his chest that has some wires sticking out of there as well and reveals some rather serious looking parts- this one actually bothers him a little bit but he tries his damnedest to keep it hidden. and finally... Erwin, he usually wears pastel clothing with cute designs on them long sleeved t-shirts, hoodies, sweaters, etc- even his p a n t s are pastel colors! He does try to make sure the pastels aren't TOO bright or anything, he doesn't want Vincent's sensors to malfunction nor does he want to irritate his friends! He has TONS of openings that'd reveal a BUNCH of tattered wires, its a wonder he's even still functional at this point, a lot of his parts and wires are tattered and not in a VERY good condition, but he doesn't seem to let it stop him! His voice box is a little... messed up but he's still fully intelligible, sometimes it DOES make him stutter, sometimes it cuts out completely but he always somehow finishes his sentences in the end even if he has to start over, he's self conscious about his voice box messing up sometimes and he's DEFINITELY self conscious about all the scars he has over him, its partially why he wears hoodies/sweaters the MOST out of all the other clothing, he doesn't want people to see all his tattered wires n scars! He does have four prominent canines but other than that, his teeth are relatively like a normal human's. oh and as a bonus he usually wears circle glasses, it CAN technically help improve his vision a bit more but also they look cute so he loves them shh. | Personalities: Ashton's up first, now I will say even tho their robots and technically powerhouses compared to humans ANYWAYS- he IS the true powerhouse of the group, the b r u t e- BUT he's not all brawn and no brains, he's not stupid by any means even if he can act like a punk or cold rude bitch, he has a l o t of intelligence in fact- and he uses that to his advantage for sure, he's not entirely a cold rude bitch- to his friends he's relatively well, friendly and nice- even if he does mess with them sometimes- he loves to get on Vincent's nerves the most because he finds it funny mostly, but he knows when to stop so he doesn't take things too far, Erwin... messing with him can be... difficult, he uh- its not that he CANT do it, he can! He TOTALLY can its just... listen, shut up- Spy's his fave to mess with- He absolutely hates humanity, their creators especially more so- if he ever saw em or hell humans in general when he sees em- it always takes e v e r y t h i n g in his power to hold himself back from tearing them to shreds, he wouldn't even w a n t to use a gun against them despite being based off a Sniper, he'll take them apart with his strength and teeth alone if he REALLY wants! After all, making them suffer first would bring him such joy, he's not evil, none of them REALLY are, but I'll explain that all in side facts, for now (tl;dr: Ashton gets along quite well with his friends even if he messes with Vincent a lot and gets on his nerves, in fact that's when you'll see him a bit more cheerier than he usually is, now... towards humans or whatever, he's a g g r e s s i v e- he'll strike them down then and there if Vincent gives him the command, but even if he c a n t, he'll still be cold or rude to em at the very least, terrify them a little bit even- he does NOT like humans at all whatsoever) Vincent... as I've stated, he's the leader of the group, he's DEFINITELY got the perfect personality to be a leader for sure, first off he has MAJOR confidence- he's a super confident dude, he REALLY kinda has to be- after all, his role was the leader of this little group- it was forced upon him so he decided to go along with it- they wanted him to be leader so he'll fulfill that position but if he e v e r gets a hold of them their gonna wish they hadn't e v e r done what they did, he DOES have some narcissistic tendencies but its nothing TOO major, he can be suave and gentlemanly but that part is usually just an act to trick people, he plays nice and makes them think he's trustworthy and then that's when they strike, its a m a z i n g to him how naive and so trusting humanity can be, he can't w a i t to get his hands on their creators, what a f u n day that'll be! Now he's not all big and bad, he can be nice to his friends- he does have a bit of snark and sass but its all in good fun, he mostly keeps it directed towards Ashton but sometimes he'll dish out some snark or sass towards Erwin ...he seems oblivious to that part tbh- but he... even though he doesn't show it a LOT he does care about them a lot, they've been there for him ever since the day they were first created, he absolutely loathes and despises humans- he always uses an act to just lure them to either their death OR, to a little interrogation room where he tries to find out if they know a n y t h i n g about their creator, I mean either way they do kinda die in the end so it really doesn't matter and finally Erwin, he's... a lot nicer than the other two, he doesn't hold a grudge towards his creators nor especially not to humanity, not ALL of them are as bad as Vincent and Ashton think surely... not that he'd ever tell them he doesn't hold grudges or whatever, he's worried he'd ruin their plans or worse, make them mad at him- so he pretends to hate humans when their around, he's actually helped his fair sure of humans escape from the others as well, now sure he DID try and ask a few of them about the creator, when they said they knew nothing he managed to lead them safely away without the others detecting them, now I won't say he's ALWAYS been lucky- sometimes the other two... catch him in the act and he almost had something equivalent to an a n x i e t y attack when they caught him but he played it off by telling them he saw this human wandering around and he also tried to play it off like he interrogated them and they knew nothing about the creators, but of course they uh... wanted to... "take care" of the human for him and he couldn't risk arguing against they'd suspect too much bc he's never been one for killing or whatever (despite being a version of a Medic lmao), there's been a lot of those times where he's felt so guilty for letting them take the human... They didn't know anything, they didn't even seem bad, why kill them? He knows their angry, they want revenge but something seems wrong... but, he'd n e v e r go against his friends, no matter how he feels- they've been there for him through thick and thin and he cares a LOT about them despite this (p much he's a good boy, he can get nervous/anxious sometimes, he just... wants his friends to be happy and rest easy really, he cares a lot about them despite all they do, he's deeply afraid if they find out what he's done or that he doesn't have grudges, etc- that they'll be a n g r y with HIM) | Side Facts: Alright, so... the best run down I can give is this... They didnt really wanna be created in the first place BUT they tolerated it- like ok chill, we gotta tolerate existing now- but then like they were pretty much abandoned bc they were discontinued, bc the tf2 bots look like actual robots, im making these guys more like androids as you already know im sure- closer resemblances to the actual human mercs n shit- but ANYWAYS- something happened and they didnt want to continue making androids like them so the three of them got left behind and of course were thought to be shut down but surprise surprise, their still active, their still out there and their. fucking. l i v i d- first they didnt really wanna exist in the first place, ok they could chill out bout that bc they learned to deal with it BUT- N O W their being discontinued? They dont even have a full t e a m!! its bullshit so now their a wee bit- okay no they are absolutely fucking livid at the creators and humanity in general- except, as you know- Erwin can't hold grudges or anything- he doesnt think ALL humans are bad or at least he hopes their not, but either way- Vincent and Ashton p much feel hatred n coldness towards the creators and humanity. | AU: So a best bud of mine suggested since I had like t w o really good ideas for these lads and couldnt use both of them bc it'd like conflict with many things, to make an AU outta the second idea- I- honestly gotta thank em for fuckin reminding me that AUs are a t h i n g that e x i s t s- but anyways, this AU is basically where Ashton, Vincent, and Erwin died and the respawn, sorta... well broke for em, dont know why or how but it just did, so they died for reals and just... their souls wandered the earth for a bit until they found the bodies of these robots and decided to possess them p much, and now since they died for real- they REALLY wanna return the favor to the ones who killed em (of course, not gonna tell who that was e x a c t l y not yet anyways), I will say their personalities will probably differ from canon a LITTLE bit in this regard, like their still- well in this AU their MORE vengeful than they could EVER be in canonverse- even Erwin in this AU is vengeful, only towards those who did em wrong of course. and with a conversation I had with my partner, there was more expansion that happened, essentially- it was questions of the teammates and what'd happen there (thank you darling, I appreciate this bc this just gave the AU more expansion that I really wasnt just thinking bout on my own), bc if they didnt go back to their teammates they'd be without the supports and ahem, the medic- but anyways, if they did wwweeeellll... their team wouldn't EXACTLY recognize it as them, to them its just potential enemy bots that they need to dispose of orrr at least run off, and that's what they'd definitely do at first, now I will say, there's the chance oh Idk, Erwin interacts with the Heavy (listen... I dont have canon names for this team... im- im too tired to figure it out rn for all the team sdjkajdj they will have to wait for awhile) but Erwin and the Heavy were VERY good close friends, and Erwin could show him that, he's... well, his best bud- they ALL had certain things they used to do or say to their teammates- and ya know if Erwin proved that to Heavy- he'd- well, a lotta emotions would be running wild in that case, of course im getting a head of myself- I should have clarified, bc the team k n o w s the others died and weren't respawning which of course they absolutely tried to deny- they'd be back soon ....yeeaahh they werent, and like now they do find it suspicious these three bots showed up that are designed like the supports but they'd never go that far to say its their dead teammates possessing these... robots, that's a little far-fetched for them. So unless Erwin goes and tries to convince his best friend, who knows what'll happen- oh and I'll also say, aside from the personalities- the actual human versions of Ashton, Vincent, and Erwin would look a LITTLE different- they still wear the same clothes n have similar features, they have scars but those don't reveal tattered wires since their humans you know, and their eye colors- Ashton's eyes are Cobalt Blue, Erwin's eyes are baby blue, and Vincent's eyes are a Caramel Brown, they also don't have those sharp teeth or fangs- oh and their heights are different, Ashton is 6'4", Vincent is 6'8", annnd Erwin- eh he's the same height the bots of course, still retain the same look as in canonverse however so try not to get too confused by different appearances!

[hermannsthumb]

Sgdhbdjfkl ignore if u want but I love the idea of newt leaving inappropriate sticky note messages on Hermanns desk, and Hermann scrambling to hide them before someone sees

I LOVE IT TOO.....im writing this if you dont mind....i have a 15 pg paper to write that i really do not want to write. sfw up until like....the end....nothing happens besides kissin, only alluded to in note form, but....

It starts innocuously enough. Inconsequential, even. Newton is called away last-minute from the Shatterdome to see to outside business (confusion over sample shipments, a mix-up in addresses, somehow) and, in lieu of an email or text, Newton leaves Hermann a small sticky-note on his chalkboard explaining that he’ll be out for the day and Hermann should not expect him.

See you at dinner, he ends it. ❤ Newt

The small heart makes Hermann’s heart thud oddly in his chest; he finds an ancient lidless tea-tin jumbled in with Newton’s snacks and ramen packets in their small kitchenette, disposes of the single remaining teabag, and hides the note in the tin (and then the tin in his desk) for reasons he can’t quite bring himself to admit to.

(❤ Newt. Hermann likes the look of that heart.)

Newton continues leaving notes, and Herman’s hoard grows over the next few months: getting takeout at that place you like bringing you back dumplings ❤ newt, borrowed your coat will return it! ❤ newt, mess hall at 4? in deployment bay rn ❤ newt. All equally innocuous. All equally unimportant. But only the ones that end with that little scribbled heart, not the -newts, not the -ns, not the tiny doodled lizard in glasses and a tie. Only ❤.

“Can I borrow a pen?” Newt asks one day, shaking and frowning at his own. “Mine’s dead.”

It’s paperwork day, specifically supply request day--Hermann’s filling out forms for the usual (chalk, instant coffee, graph paper), Newton’s trying his (poor) luck at an espresso machine and a toaster oven once more--so Hermann is mildly distracted when he grunts out his consent. “Desk.”

Newton crouches down next to him and selects a drawer at random; Hermann realizes his mistake a moment too late when Newton suddenly whistles and says “Dude.”

He’s holding out the tea tin. Hermann’s folded all of Newton’s notes, but even without Newton’s handwriting being visible, there’s no mistaking what they are: Newton’s personal use sticky notes are lime green and shaped like small dinosaurs. Hermann drops his pen and makes a grab for the tin, blanching horribly, but Newton dodges him and brandishes one of the notes in his face. ❤ Newt. “Dude!” Newton repeats. “You saved all these?”

“Er,” Hermann says. His face burns

“Why?” Newton says. He’s started picking through them. He’s sure to notice soon, that Hermann’s only saved the ones bearing Newton’s--well--love sounds pathetic. Affection, maybe. “They’re just...” He shrugs and grins at Hermann, a little bewildered.

“Give them back,” Hermann says, desperation obvious, and swiping for them again unsuccessfully. “Newton, please, give them back to me now.”

Newton’s finished going through them all. He stares up at Hermann, expression unreadable. His grin’s faded. “Hermann,” he says, the last one he’d posted up--will clean dirty dishes tomorrow dw!!!!! ❤ newt--clenched tight in his fist. “These--do you--?”

(You’re the one who signed the bloody hearts in the first place, Hermann wants to say.) He opens his mouth to speak. To think of some excuse.

Newton pulls him down by the lapels of his blazer and kisses him.

The notes migrate to other places in the lab, after that, become far more personal. your hair is getting long, Newton sticks in a container of chalk, it’s really cute. i like that sweater on his mug. let me take you out on friday? 9? on more paperwork. One afternoon, just a doodle of them kissing stuck to the tray of lunch Newton leaves on his desk. Newton drops the ❤ newt, but Hermann stashes them all in the little tin anyway. (Newton watches from afar with a sweet, dopey smile on his face each time, one Hermann’s certain he doesn’t know Hermann can see.)

Then they get less innocuous.

stop by my room later ;)))) posted to the uppermost part of the chalkboard. Graphic descriptions of just how much Newton enjoyed himself during their (wildly successfully) liaison the morning after. An appreciative comment on how Hermann’s trousers cling to his front today, exactly what Newton is fantasizing about at any given moment (dropping to his knees in front of the chalkboard, criminally misusing the emergency shower, spreading himself out over Hermann’s desk, spreading Hermann out over Hermann’s desk, exactly how he’d like to take Hermann apart with his tongue and two single fingers), a list of suggestions for what Hermann can do with Newton’s tie, speculations as to whether or not anyone’s seen Newton’s latest hickeys/limp/bruises and has discerned exactly what he and Hermann get up to after hours (everyone would be so jealous if they knew what a beast you are in the sack). Today’s is particularly graphic, and pasted dead-center on his desk, too: when we’re finished today i’m going to ride you and then flip you over and--

“Dr. Gottlieb?” a j-tech says, and Hermann snaps straight up.

“Yes?” he says, hoping his blush isn’t too obvious.

The j-tech had been lingering in the doorway for God-knows how long, but now he hurries forward, a clipboard in hand. “I was hoping you could look over some of these stats for us,” he says, and Hermann pushes his glasses up and nods, red-faced and flustered. An hour until he can go home to Newton--who’s left the lab suspiciously early--and Newton can make good on his promises. An hour, an hour--he’s scanning through the sheets, half-distracted by thoughts of Newton (what is Newton doing now? readying himself for Hermann? showering? undressing? touching himself impatiently, thinking of Hermann, waiting for Hermann, breathing out Hermann’s name softly, sweetly into his pillow), when he realizes he’s forgotten to cover up Newton’s note. One single glance to the left, and the j-tech is suddenly privy to Hermann’s entire, newly discovered, sex life.

Put simply: Hermann panics.

“I’m--er--very sorry about the mess,” Hermann says, once he finishes mopping up what he can from the poor charts with his handkerchief. He supposes he could’ve just slid his elbow over and covered up the note, but in the heat of the moment, upending an ancient and stagnant mug of coffee across his desk seemed like the most reasonable course of action. (The note is entirely unreadable now, as are most of the data the j-tech wanted his opinion on.) “Truly. Er. Muscle spasms. Very hard to control. Had them since--childhood.”

“Uh. No sweat, Doctor,” the j-tech says, taking back the soaked papers with a look of mild disgust. “I’ll just...reprint them and come back later?”

“Lovely,” Hermann says, and gives the man a curt nod. He fumbles around for his cane. “I’ll be going now. Please excuse me. I have--business to attend to.”

He hightails it out of there, but not fast enough to miss the j-tech call “Tell Dr. Geiszler I say hi!” after him, to Hermann’s sheer and utter mortification.

Newton’s on him the moment Hermann falls into his bed, though he’s tragically in pajamas and not nude as Hermann’d been hoping. (Nevertheless, in spite of the fabric barriers, Hermann wraps fingers around Newton’s pleasing rear-end and love handles anyway.) “Did you like my note?” Newton says in his ear, between teasing, biting kisses to his neck.

“You have a way with words,” Hermann says.

[ghostwinchesters]

lost in the in-between, or so it seems // i'm out of control

@sahwen​ asked: “That’s it. If you throw up on more time we’re going to the hospital.” with sam and cas? platonic or romantic, either is good!

anonymous asked: “If you didn’t just blink I would’ve sworn you were dead, that’s how sickly you’re looking. Go to bed, please!” w whoever ?? i rlly like that prompt sldkfjlskf

im allegedly still alive yo

it’s s8 trials!sam + samcasdean but like,, vv queer platonic which i fuckin love okay. he’s doing terrible both physically and mentally and dean and cas are desperately trying to take care of him and obviously there’s some vomiting so like,,,,, , just a warning my dudes xoxo

ao3

Sam is sitting huddled at one of the library tables, chilled despite the blanket wrapped around his shoulders and the burning heat of his feverish body. He’s clutching a bloody tissue in one hand in case he needs to cough up his lungs again, but the other hand is methodically flipping pages and scrolling through his laptop. Maybe he should sleep.

Maybe he should die.

Dean is sitting in the war room, doing G-d only knows what on his laptop, but he keeps glancing at Sam every few minutes—if not every few seconds— to make sure he’s okay. Or at the very least not collapsing. He’s probably also hoping that Sam will eat a little more than one g-ddamn bite of the grilled cheese sandwich he’d brought him two hours ago for dinner. And Sam wants to, for Dean if not for himself, but he can’t bring himself to do it. The smell and the sight itself makes his stomach turn a little, and he can’t.

Sam sees Castiel come into the war room and talk quietly to Dean out of the corner of his eye, and that probably means they’re both gonna come in here and try to take care of him. It’s sweet, but Sam doesn’t even deserve it.

And they’re both so worried about him. It makes him feel terrible, even though the rational part of his brain is telling him that it’s illogical. That they’re two grown people who can decide who or what they want to worry about. That, possibly, he even deserves the worry. The last one is the hardest to believe, and maybe it’s really not coming from the rational part of his brain.

Castiel and Dean are walking into the library, which means Sam was right.

“Yo, Sam, you gotta eat something, man.” Dean is staring at him, his jaw obviously clenched, trying to keep himself from going into full on Big Brother mode.

“If you didn’t just blink, I would’ve sworn you were dead, Samuel.” Castiel touches his shoulder gingerly, almost like he’s scared Sam is just gonna… shatter and turn to dust. “That’s how sickly you’re looking. Go to bed, please!”

Sam knows how awful he looks. He’s refused to look in a mirror in over a week and every time he accidentally catches a glance he just wants to shrink into himself because he knows and it almost makes him feel ashamed because he can barely do the basics like brush his hair and wash his face. Shame and guilt are apparently his main emotions currently.

“I’m fi—” He starts coughing again and instead of letting them see the kleenex with the blood splotches on it and making them more worried, he coughs into his elbow, which is a mistake because he now has splatters of red on his pink flannel.

Dean’s whole face crashes with concern but he laughs shakily. “Oh, yeah, Sammy. Spitting blood out onto your clothes is totally fine.” Sam attempts a weak smile, and that breaks Dean completely because he’s kneeling next to Sam’s chair and holding his hand a little too tightly. “Sam, what the hell, just let us take care of you for once. Please.”

“You don’t have to, Dee. It’s okay.”

“Sammy…” Dean always complains about Sam’s puppy dog eyes, but Dean. G-d, Dean puts everything into his pleading when he deems it’s necessary.

Sam nods hesitantly, and Cas, who’s been standing there with his hand on Sam’s shoulder this whole time, helps him stand up. “You need sleep, but as Dean said, you should eat something first. Does… anything sound appealing?”

“Uh… Just not something greasy? I don’t… Actually whatever, I’ll just eat a little of whatever you give me.”

“Nuh-uh, Sammy. You’re telling us what you want, and you’re not gonna feel bad about it.” Dean is glaring at him, but it’s a… kind, concerned glare.

“Uhm… Not anything super greasy because it makes me feel kinda nauseous.” Sam notices Dean glance at the grilled cheese sandwich on the table and wince. “Maybe uhh… some fruits? Or something? Really it’s fi—” This time his “fine” gets interrupted by Cas kissing his cheek quickly instead of another coughing fit, which is a relief, really.

They help him to their room, the biggest bedroom in the bunker, where they have two beds pushed together so it’s big enough for the three of them. Dean follows Castiel out because “he wants to do something for Sam” despite Castiel’s protests.

Sam smiles and shakes his head slightly as they argue down the hall and let’s himself sink into the pillow. It’s soft and nice, and Sam is so tired, but he can’t sleep because 1) Dean and Cas want him to eat and 2) it’s hard for him to sleep alone right now. He can’t really do it when he’s feeling this shitty.

He glances down at his pink flannel and feels a flash of disappointment, which just adds to the feeling of despair and exhaustion, because it’s one of his favorite shirts and now it has blood on the sleeve.

“Cas fuckin’ kicked me out of the kitchen. Said I’d—” Sam looks up as Dean airquotes “—make it take longer.” He sits down on the bed next to Sam shaking his head. “I’m good at slicing fruits and shit. Hell, I make food for you all the time! I’m perfectly capable!”

Sam is trying to hide a grin, and Dean rolls his eyes at him. “Hey, it’s not funny!” He knows it’s more about Dean just wanting to be helpful than the actual cooking thing but it’s still amusing.

“It kinda is actually.”

Dean makes a face before his eyes slide down to Sam’s flannel. “You love that shirt…” He meets Sam’s gaze again. “I can get the blood out if you want…?” His eyes look hopeful and expectant and Sam nods.

“You’d do that?”

“Anything for my little brother.”

Sam winces as he sits up, and Dean gently unbuttons the front and gets it off Sam. “You maybe want a clean hoodie and sweats? Sleeping in jeans is bullshit.”

Sam sighs in exasperation but he appreciates it. “I… yeah, sure.”

Dean helps him tug the white shirt he was wearing under the flannel off and finds him a freshly washed sweater before getting him to his feet and trying to help him change out of his jeans even though Sam just shakes his head because he’s making it more complicated. Sam crashes back onto the bed, a little harder than he intended because his tiredness just made him drop. “Dude, be careful, dammit.” Dean pulls the blanket over Sam’s shoulder and presses his lips against his hair. “I’ll be back in a sec, and I swear I’m getting that blood out of your flannel. I’ve gotten blood out of so many clothes, I’m practically an expert.” He flashes him a grin and leaves with the shirt.

Castiel comes back a little after Dean leaves with a bowl of fruit salad on top of a tray. “Where’s Dean?”

“Washing my shirt since you shoved him out of the kitchen.”

Cas shakes his head with a dramatic eyeroll and sits down, putting the tray on Sam’s lap after he sits up against the headboard. “I hope this tastes good and won’t make you feel sick?”

“Thank you, Cas.”

“Of course.”

Sam’s too tired and wrecked to eat it all but he manages to swallow down more than half of it but it’s better than usual. He feels even more tired after Cas leaves to put the dishes away, turning off one of the bedside lights so it’s dimmer, but it’s a more content exhaustion now except for the uncomfortable churning in his stomach after actually eating again.

“Hey,” Dean whispers as he walks into the room and Sam squints his eyes open from where he was trying to fall asleep alone. “I got your flannel all cleaned up and it’s drying now.” Sam smiles softly in thanks. Dean strips down to his boxers and slips under the blankets.

“Dude, Dean, you don’t have to sleep yet. It’s barely nine.”

Dean grins his lopsided grin and curls up against Sam, his chest radiating welcome heat again Sam’s back through his sweater. “You sleep better with people and besides, I’m getting old and maybe I need to sleep more.” Sam can feel his lips twist into a smile against his neck and he shakes his head.

“Okay, old man.”

When Castiel comes to bed Sam pulls him as close as he can, feeling even colder than usual.

“G-d, you’re a fucking furnace, Sammy,” Dean whines but he doesn’t move away. “Like, more than usual. You okay, man?”

“I’m fine. My stomach feels a little weird but it’s okay.”

“Are you sure, Sam?” Castiel shifts against him and Sam nods.

“Yeah, really, I’m okay.”

Cas makes a noise like he’s not sure he believes him but neither of them say anything and Sam falls asleep for the first time in almost forty hours.

He wakes up to feeling straight up nauseous and he awkwardly clambers to his knees, almost elbowing Dean in the face and definitely kneeing Cas in the stomach.

“Sam-Sammy?” Dean mumbles, confused and half asleep. Castiel who wasn’t really asleep as so much as lying there with his eyes closed sits up and grabs Sam’s arm.

“Bathroom, G-d, fuck, I need to get to the bathroom.” He stumbles to his feet with Castiel still holding onto his arm and at this point Dean’s protective instinct has overridden his lack of consciousness and he’s off the bed.

“Sammy, what’s wrong?”

“I feel really sick, man, I don’t know.” Another wave of nausea hits him and he has to bite down on his tongue to keep from vomiting right here and now in the hallway. He pulls away from Castiel, somehow thinking that’ll help him get through the door to the bathroom quicker. Cas catches him as he drops to his knees in front of the toilet, barely pulling his hair away from his face before Sam throws up the little food he forced himself to swallow down.

Dean’s next to Sam and pushing away a few extra strands of hair from his sweaty forehead when he stops dry heaving. He groans and presses his forehead against the toilet seat. He feels exhausted, which is a normal feeling but it’s worse all of a sudden.

“Do you want some water?” Cas doesn’t even wait for a reply before leaving the bathroom and Sam mumbles a raspy thank you after him.

Dean rubs his back slowly, trying to help him relax. “Shh, it’s okay, Sammy. Just take some deep breaths.”

“G-d, Dean, I feel so sick.” Sam knows he sounds whiney but he can’t actually bring himself to care enough to stop.

“I know and I’m sorry,” Dean says quietly, still rythmically running his hand over Sam’s shoulder. “You’ll feel better here in a little bit, okay? You’ll be fine.”

Castiel comes back with the water and Sam gulps it down quicker than he should, his throat aching. He’s not sure whether it hurts more before, during, or after and for some reason he laughs; it’s a little high pitched and delirious. “It’s gonna come up again in a second.”

Dean gives him a concerned smile. “Jesus, okay.”

It takes closer to thirty seconds, but he vomits again, and by now both Castiel and Dean are on the tile, trying to soothe him by rubbing his back and keeping his hair out of his face. A hand presses against his hot forehead and he thinks it’s Castiel. “That’s it. If you throw up one more time, we’re going to the hospital.

“No, Cas, please. No—” He coughs. “Please don’t take me to the hospital. Please. They can’t do anything anyway.”

“Okay, shh, it’s okay. We won’t go then.” Castiel runs his fingers through Sam’s greasy hair gently. “It’s okay.”

Sam gives him a weak smile but it breaks into a another painful round of spitting absolutely nothing into the toilet bowl. “Could you… Could you get more water maybe?” He looks up at Cas pleadingly.

He ends up throwing that up too, but he’s slowly starting to feel a little less absolutely and completely horrible. Dean’s tugging on his shoulders and pulling him back against him and Sam just lets himself collapse against his chest. This time when he opens his mouth, it’s a tired fucking yawn.

“Hey, if you’re feeling okay enough to get up, you need to get to bed, big guy,” Dean whispers softly and Sam nods a little. Castiel grips his hand and they both help him back to their room after he washes his face by the sink.

Sam presses his face against Dean’s neck and he can feel the comforting thereness of Castiel against his back and he lets out a sigh of what might actually be contentedness.

lol validation welcome // come talk to me [peace sign]

[geneticmisfit]

Gather ‘round, gather ‘round, children

It’s time to talk about Peter’s evolving views on Tony

This will be rambly, but still I will break this down by focusing on Peter’s Head Space in each movie he appears in

aka this will be broken into three ( and a half. ish. ) parts: Iron Man 2 / Civil War / Homecoming, with a side dish of Infinity War.

It will also be a two-in-one as I will talk about Peter’s Homecoming arc as a character.

This is going to be a LONG post

Okay so, to understand Peter’s attitude towards Tony in CW and Homecoming, we need to set the clock back a few movies back. More specifically, this moment:

IRON MAN 2:

While at the time the movie came out, this was a simple gag moment, a fun beat to break the intense flow of an action sequence. However, during Homecoming press junket, Tom revealed in an interview that he got word from Feige that they were retconning ( retroactive continuity = adding something extra / a new layer to a piece of content years after the fact ) that moment to have that kid be Peter as a 9-10 year old kid. Now, this is an EXTREMELY interesting piece of content if you look at Peter’s reactions to Tony in both Civil War and Homecoming.

The thing you need to understand is, Peter is a nerd. ( shocking, I know ). Like, he is a deep comic book and science nerd and you bet your ass he was extremely excited about the fact that Iron Man existed because, [cue 9 year old mindset]  he was a PURE FORM OF SCIENCE. This rich dude built a suit ! An actual technological suit ! That can do amazing things ! Think of the possibilities in robotics ! And he was a bona-fide real life superhero ?! How dope was THAT ?! 

Best way to summarize Peter’s attitude towards Tony is that Tony was Justin Bieber and Peter had the Bieber Fever. 

And then, six months, he is at the Expo. And suddenly there is chaos. And suddenly one of those Robots he read in all those comic books is advancing towards him. Naturally, as an easily-impressioned nine year old, he thinks: What would Iron Man Do ?! So, he raises his arm, like he had seen Iron Man do in all those videos, and then...

He shows up. Actual Iron Man. In the flesh. And they had taken down a bad guy ! Together ! And he told him he had done a good job ! Imagine that ! You bet he cherishes that moment and keeps it with him and everything he does for the next few years. Maybe one day he will meet him again ! And show his IDOL ( because he is full on idolizing him at this point, don’t forget ) what he can do with his chemistry and robotics skills ! ( Keep in mind, Peter was already interested in these things before IM 2, but this just galvanized that hunger for knowledge even more )

However, one thing you need to keep in mind, people CHANGE. While you can still idolize someone, THAT OVERWHELMING FEELING WILL GET REPLACED AS YOU GET OLDER AND YOUR ATTENTION SHIFTS TO OTHER THINGS. 

aka, Peter’s Vague Notion of Being A Hero meets reality in Peter’s Uncle Ben moment.

and by that I mean his literal Uncle Ben moment.

IN-BETWEEN THE MOVIES:

Because, what is a fourteen year old suddenly getting actual superpowers supposed to think ? Of course he is going to liken himself to his idol Iron Man and think joining this super cool wrestling thing will mean his one quick ticket to fame and stardom because Iron Man did it so easily, right ? 

Also, yes, I am sticking with the wrestling origin for my MCU Peter, because I adore the wrestling origin. 

But then-- Things don’t work out like that. A child meets the cold truths of reality. He lets the bad guy go away out of simple spite and a general feeling of uncaringness, and it results in the death of the man he loved the most, a man who was his FATHER in everything but name. 

Peter learns that night that he will never look the other way if he can help it. 

( which is why I think Peter’s Civil War quote of When you do the things that I can, but you don’t, and then the bad things happen-- They happen because of you is SUCH a wonderful and organic take on the Great Power line. )

Which then brings us to...

CIVIL WAR:

So, at this point, Tony is more or less the LAST thing on Peter’s mind. He is busy dealing with grief ( considering it’s only four to five months after Ben’s death at this point, it’s still Fresh ), and his newfound sense of duty and responsibility, he has no time to dwell on Iron Man.

Until Tony literally shows up inside his living room.

At that point, all the old feelings surface, [cue 9 year old mindset] Oh my god ! That’s Tony Stark ! And he is here? For me ? He wants my help ? He wants me to go to Germany ?! Well, of course, of course I’m going to go to Germany with him, that means I can finally show him what I can do with my powers ! And make him proud ! Because he is my Idol and I really care about what he thinks ! 

Two things about this: 

First of all, this is extremely childish behavior from Peter. And you can TELL it is because in THIS Civil War scene, you can see both sides of Peter that will be more evident in Homecoming. First you have SPIDEY!PETER, who vehemently denies being Spider Man when confronted until Tony literally dangles the suit in front of him, is defensive about his costume and casually proud about his web fluid, but then he is also extremely serious about not telling May and later on during his speech about his responsibilities for doing what he is doing. This is the Peter we see for majority of the bedroom sequence. However in this sequence, we can see bits of the Fanboy Peter peek out a little, his excited look at seeing Tony, that posture of Pride when Tony calls him by his Superhero Name. It’s that nine year old child living his DREAM. And we see MORE of that side of Peter in the airport sequence, with his repeated mentions of wanting to impress Mister Stark, and the heavy insinuations that Tony dragged him along to Germany but told him ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THE ACCORDS. 

There is also the case of Tony lowkey highkey convincing Peter to go to Germany with him by threatening to spill his secret to May. Put a pin on all of this, it will be touched upon towards the end. 

AND THEN WE GET TO HOMECOMING AND PETER’S GROWTH AS A PERSON AND HIS SELF-ACCEPTANCE

Peter’s views of Tony changes completely in this movie, along with Peter’s views of himself. Peter’s character arc in this movie is ACCEPTING SPIDER MAN IS A PART OF PETER RATHER THAN A SEPARATE ENTITY. For the first half of the movie, Peter is ready to shed his civilian persona. He is leaving school clubs, he is distancing himself from everyone, constantly sneaking out to be Spider-Man because, in a case of Guess Whose Nine Year Old Self Came Back, Peter is desperately trying to impress his idol once again. And, in addition to that, it is simply more FUN ( initially ) to be Spider-Man. He is known ! He is famous ! He can do incredible things he can’t do as Peter Parker ! Peter Parker who is constantly ridiculed at school and is borderline invisible beyond the decathlon club.  Why would he go back to being Peter Parker when he can be Spider-Man full time ? Especially when Iron Man, THE Iron Man, told him they could call him after Germany ! He must have impressed him, right ?! 

Wrong.

Peter lets his priorities shift from Doing It in Ben’s memory, to doing it to Impress Tony. And the result is the ferry incident. Peter is full on relieving his worst memories, he let the power to go his head, he let himself be cocky like that night in the Wrestling Ring, as a result he let innocents get hurt and nearly WORSE. 

Tell me that isn’t the look of a kid who is relieving the worst night of his life in his head.

And then Tony shows up, tells him how much of a FAILURE he was, and tells him practically everything he was already telling HIMSELF. ‘’ What if someone had died tonight ? That’s on YOU.’’ as if he doesn’t already know what that’s like.

But then, he also says something key, that based on the tip Peter gave Tony, Tony called the FBI but didn’t tell Peter. And then told him he was in the wrong for not knowing what he was not told in the first place.

And then, it clicks in his head, All this time I’ve been trying so hard to impress Mister Stark but-- he didn’t think of me enough to LET ME KNOW what I’ve been going after for the past several weeks. I was so caught up in impressing him that I forgot why I do it for.

This is part one of two of his self-realization of the connection between being Peter and being Spider Man, and the de-idolization of Tony in Peter’s eyes.

Part two comes after the reveal that Toomes is Liz’s dad.

After the Stark Suit is gone, Peter is back to basics. He is back at school, being a kid, he feels like he has lost the right to be Spider-Man. He nearly became the Burglar to the ferry’s Uncle Ben. ( it’s a shitty metaphor but you get what I mean ). And he does something Peter Parker never managed to do before-- He asks Liz Allan out. 

Even he is surprised by this.

That’s his first keying into the fact that being Spider-Man, having that courage and bravado, has spilled into the life of Peter Parker as something for the better. He now had the balls he previously lacked to ask his crush out.

However, the key moment comes at THIS point.

He has just discovered that That Vulture Guy is Liz’s dad, and he just threatened him with a gun, and told him he could just walk away from all of it, if he just lets himself be Peter for the night.

He could be Peter Parker. He could be the one to dance with Liz Allan all night in that prom, in front of everyone, be the Cool Kid he dreamed of being.

But that would mean letting Toomes go, and succeed with his heist.

And that’s not something he can do, not after he failed Ben’s memory with the Ferry incident.

When you do the things that I can, but you DON’T, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.

But the full REALIZATION of his duality comes when he is all alone.

He is, for all intents and purposes, left to die. There is no one to help him. He cries out for help, to anyone, EVERYONE, to Tony, the Idol he wanted to impress so badly-- Yet he is not there. No one is there. And when he looks down, he doesn’t see Spider-Man, the Cool Hero of Queens who is becoming a Friendly Neighborhood in his own right.

It is an on the nose visual, one that harkens back to the comics, but it is also an important visual reminder for Peter. Because, behind the mask of the Great Hero, is the face of a frightened kid. But he is not just a frightened kid-- Because he is also Spider-Man ! The only way he discovered who Vulture was, was because of Peter Parker ! He was going after Toomes because of Peter Parker ! Peter Parker who was becoming more recognized by his friends, who now had the courage to speak out and talk to his crushes like Liz, and rivals like Flash ! Peter Parker who-- Who enjoyed of being. He didn’t have to sacrifice for the other, he could have both sides of him feed off of each other and become better !

And, when he finally moves to lift the pillar with the sheer force of his will, the first name he calls out, the first THOUGHT that galvanizes him, is PETER PARKER.

Come on Peter, come on Spider-Man.

Peter is the one that gives Spider-Man his strength. Not Tony, not Iron Man, himself.

Peter Parker manages to take down Vulture, Peter Parker manages to save the day. Not Spider-Man, not Iron Man, not any of the Avengers. Him.

And then-- He is invited to Upstate. He is going to Avengers Facility, the Nine Year old in him bursts out once again, there is excitement, had Tony finally recognized him ?!

He meets Tony, and Tony-- takes credit. He spins his genuine then-anger at Peter post Ferry, and Peter’s SELF-GROWTH, into something that he managed to do for Peter. Peter’s expression in this is telling.

‘’--jesus fucking christ this guy.’’

But then-- Tony offers Peter The Dream. Here is an Iron-Man like Spider Suit. Here it is your Official Invitation to the Avengers. It’s your dream kid, your nine year old self would have jumped at it without a second thought, what say you ? 

What says he is-- He is no longer that nine year old kid. He is a kid who learned his lessons the hard way. Who lost people for his mistakes. Who had to grab himself by the shoulders and raise himself to be the Hero He Wanted to Be. ( I’m saying he is alone when it comes to the Spidey thing, May is always there for him emotionally as Peter, before anyone @ ‘s me for erasing May or anything of the sort, that’s not the focus here )

And, he comes to realise-- Tony Stark is kind of an asshole. Now, BIG point her, WE THE AUDIENCE KNOW TONY’S CHARACTER INSIDE AND OUT BUT PETER DOES NOT. FROM PETER’S POINT OF VIEW, TONY HAS:

- Shown up in his life out of nowhere, with the knowledge of Peter’s Greatest Secret, then used it as a leverage to get him to go to Germany with him. ( Well Germany is dangerous better tell your hot aunt... Tony MAY have been joking then, but Peter does not know Tony well enough to know the difference. ) - Told him the reason Cap and others broke off was because Cap felt like he was right about something, but was actually in the wrong. And Peter just trusted Tony’s words without a second thought because why would The Iron Man lie to him ?? He Is Never Told Of The Accords by Tony. - Acted like he disregarded his tip on the Vulture, then revealed he called the FBI on it, but didn’t let Peter know like he didn’t think Peter might be interested in that info, and then YELLED at him for NOT KNOWING the said fact.  -With the benefit of hindsight, Peter agrees with the costume being taken away from him then, however for him to achieve that self emotional and personal growth, and then to see Tony act like he was taking all the credit for him is-- Annoying, to say the least. -AND KEEP IN MIND, When Peter refuses the Avengers invitation, he does not expect the Stark Suit to be returned to him. He is perfectly content to continue what he’s doing with his old pajamas. Because he is CONTENT. He has seen how Tony behaves, the in-fighting of the Avengers, how nobody was there when Vulture was clearly stealing from the government and was creating dangerous weapons and selling it on the streets. He has seen that, and he wants no part of that. ( I also guarantee he knows about the Accords at that point. So there is that after-the-fact realization of points 1 and 2 ) 

So, after ALL THAT, Peter’s current view on Tony is:

Mister Stark, I respect you, and I love everything you have done as an inventor and as Iron Man-- but I don’t want to BE you. From MY POINT OF VIEW, you’ve done nothing but lie and manipulate and take credit for things that I have done personally. To a degree, I GET it-- But I don’t want to BE it. 

It is also that destruction of hero worship that allows Peter to be himself come Infinity War. You can see that he no longer has that Hesitation around Tony, he is assertive ( coming up with the Aliens plan on the spot like no sweat ), he is relaxed, and he is comfortable enough to drag Tony and blame him for getting on the ship ( a little taste of his own medicine, if you will ), but still respect him, and be apologetic for not doing Good Enough during Titan fight. But it is not an apology in the sense of ‘I AM SORRY FOR FAILING YOU MISTER STARK I’M SORRY I DIDN’T IMPRESS YOU’, it is more of an apology for ‘I’m sorry because I failed and that’s on me’ 

TL : DR

- He views Ben Parker as his FATHER.  AND MAY AS HIS MOTHER. - He no longer hero worships Tony but respects him as a regular flawed person - He would sell Tony Stark for One Corn chip.  - He no longer gives a fuck about what Tony thinks of him because HE is the one being SPIDER MAN, not Tony. His mistakes are his own. And only persons to hold him accountable for that are HIMSELF and MAY. His FAMILY. 

And that concludes my TED Talk.

[wordssplatteredoncement]

Save the Snails

Have you ever met someone who makes you strive to be a better person? An ally in life who has your back through the toughest of times, even when the world seems to have forgotten your existence? Someone who just “gets you” in every sense of the word? I’m going to do my best not to fumble on these next several sentiments, as I do have a person in my life who is all of those things, and so much fucking more. I hope you’ll indulge me for the next few paragraphs as I spill my heart out about my best friend, Mallory Gruber Lane. 

It all started so randomly. I was sitting at my drab desk, in the boring office, at the job I loathed. As I hung up the phone from ordering my (apparently) all too bland of a sandwich, an IM popped up on my screen from someone I’d never shared more than head nod in passing from. 

Mallory Gruber: Wow! Don’t get too adventurous with your sandwich over there.

(Embarrassed) Me: You heard that, eh? It’s not bland, I’m a purest (I said, defending my turkey and cheddar on dutch crunch.. plain and dry).

Future Best Friendo: You know what you like. I can respect that. But you’re also lying to yourself. (laughter.. literally.. she was a few desks down from me and I could hear her laughing at my pathetic, joyless, overpriced joke of a sandwich from where I sat)

Over the next couple of days, the IM conversations continued, ranging from music and movies, to how much we loathed the very place we sat. The chats didn’t get too deep during those days, but they were always enjoyable and I found myself enamored by her wit. So quick to the joke, and razor sharp in her delivery. Having had someone just back out of a comedy show on me, I mustered up the courage and asked her out to see Louis C.K. (side note: this is pre-knowing Louis was whipping his dick out and wagging it at every female he could.. I’m not a creeper, but I do find that motherfucker funny). 

.. agonizingly long time between responses... 

Mallory Gruber: Oh, I can’t. I’ve got plans this weekend. (what I heard.. “you’re gross.. go away”.. as I’ve got issues with self esteem, like most of us do if we’re honest for a second)

The conversations ceased for a few days and I figured I scared her away as even an acquaintance, but as luck would have it, we were moved to desks right next each other. She asked me to meet up with some of her work friends for drinks. It was through Mallory I met some of the few people I genuinely enjoy the company of in that office. We became a clique that I coined “The Friends That End In Y” (Mallory, Lucy, Amy, Sky), complete with our own catchphrase “Friends that end in Y, drink on days that end in Y. Don’t ask why.” It was the first time I’d felt like anyone cared about me in a number of years.

Life was pretty great. I hated my job, but I had friends who I related to again. The words “Sky and Mallory” became synonymous in that office. Literally. I think everyone thought my name was “Sky and Mallory” and was often asked where Mallory was if I was seen without her. We worked together, joked together, got in far too much trouble together, ate together, and took breaks together whenever possible. It was through these breaks that I witnessed something I found odd. I witnessed my best friend picking up snails from the sidewalk and tossing them to the grass. This happened for several days in a row before I asked her why. Her response, “because people are fucking shit and they crush these poor things without a second thought”. I soon found myself joining in our snail-saving breaks. To this day, if I see a snail on the sidewalk, I toss it on the grass. The snail has become our avatar of friendship, and I plan to get one tattooed on me one day, as a symbol of our bond. 

The years moved on. We have shared many a joke, bottle, and embrace. She’s the one person I feel completely at ease with, that isn’t my family.. though in reality, she’s family. She’s my friend, sister, and spiritual adviser (as much as an atheist can have, at least) all rolled up into one person. Though smaller in stature, I look up to Mallory. She’ll tell me exactly what I need to hear, even when I don’t want to hear it. She picks me up when life has me down, and has no problem listening to my rants about the things I hate, nor the incessant ramblings about the things I love. We’ve endured many of life’s triumphs and downfalls together. There are things I know about her that I will never tell another soul and vice versa. I don’t have faith in much, but I believe in Mallory. 

Flash forward to last year. We’re chilling on her patio, enjoying the beautiful view of the sunset from her backyard when I hear this... Mallory: So we picked a date (referring to her and her soon-to-be husband’s wedding). 

Me: Dude! That’s awesome!! When!? (pulling out my phone to put it in my calendar)

Mallory: October, 6th of this year (2018).. but we have something to ask you.. and you can say no. Please don’t feel like you have to..

Me: Sure. What’s up?

Mallory: We would love it if you would officiate our wedding. Whatever costs involved we’ll...

(interrupting Mallory) Me: I’m in! 

Mallory: .. but you don’t have to..

Me: There’s no way I’m not doing this. I’d love to.

..... flash forward to October 6th, 2018....

I’m pacing around my hotel room like a man possessed.. or at least one who has to shit, except the only restroom around is occupied by a man who ate three Philly cheesesteaks, and looks to be in no hurry to leave. I’m glancing at my script for the 3,072nd time that day. I try to memorize it, just as I have for the last several months since it was written, but to no avail. “I’m going to fuck this up for her”, I thought to myself. In a moment of clarity, I thought about how Mal would handle the situation. The wedding was at Lake Tahoe and my room was right across from the gorgeous slice of nature. I ventured out to the lake for a breath of fresh air and to skip some stones.. as I thought this is how Mallory would handle the stress in my position. As I went to pick up a stone, I seen a snail. I picked it up and started to cry. It was a moment of pure clarity. I gently placed the snail in the tall grass nearby and went back to my room. 

The moment of her entrance had arrived. Neil Young’s “Heart of Gold” played as I seen my friend as beautiful as I ever had, arm-in-arm with her personal hero, her father. The sun beamed through an otherwise overcast day just before the ceremony, but her smile and elegance far out-powered our solar earth-furnace. Jitters turned to joy (okay, admittedly the jitters remained throughout, but lessened) as I watched my best friend turn the page to one of life’s grandest chapters... not only did I watch but technically legalized with the words, “it is with absolute honor, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Jeff, kiss your beautiful wife.” 

I said all of that, to say this. Find a friend who is willing to double over in laughter with you at the stupidest things, to share in your hatred of something trivial, to cry over the defeats life dishes your way, and to say I love you to in a way that is completely devoid of irony. Find a friend who shows you why life is worth living. Save the snails. 

[egobangin-tonight]