#mans did say hes selfish
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tfw a mans got you acting stupid over him and he dont feel the same but still buys you shit and takes you to dinner and lets you sleep in his damn bed and says he misses you and like... why in the fuck am i the dumbest bitch ever like damn
#always falling for bitches who aint want me#or whatever#idfk#mixed signals but also#mans did say hes selfish#and cant commit so#more fool me#i am the fool#fuck my life#amirite#aha#ha#hah#alex speaks#bark bark#fucking bark
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mentally still in every cutscene and conversation w samuel
#btw.#still thinking about how you can sacrifice the silver to save him . yeah its selfish but. i do not care lol#did he really think he could convince them that zizka would pay ransom or did he just say that so henry wouldn't waste time on him .#he was ready to be left there to rot and was shocked when you pick him up .#also not over how easily he and henry embrace each other as brothers . they're not even related by blood . man.#warhorse give me a dlc w sam and my life is yours#if kcd3 ever happens and sam is in it i fear i will be so annoying#that is if henry canonically saves him . um. i refuse to believe henry leaves him . there's no way right haha#kcd2#kcd2 spoilers#samuel#six speaks#u guys r lucky i try to be normal on here bc i would not shut up about this man otherwise#something about tough looking men who are impulsive and stubborn but their heart is in the right place make me unwell#actually the best character in the game you will be banished to hell if you disagree
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But I'd rather not remind myself and leave it all behind And I've tried so hard to fix it all but nothing seems to help
#anyways!#Gposes#FFXIV#FFXIV Dominik Dekah#Daine sicarius Occasus#toxic yaoi redemption arc (not really)#Daine absolutely TORPEDO'd everything when he killed Niki in a shortsighted 'just following orders' betrayal#he did LOVE Niki. The only man he's ever loved. but he would rather stay at rock bottom than have something good and lose it later#so he self-sabotages and constantly self-destructs just to keep it that way#Except he *really* regretted killing Niki. Enough to keep Niki's necklace around his neck ever since he killed him#then Garlemald went to shit and he didn't even have to do it himself! and Niki got resurrected and now hes fucking PISSED bcs bro??#but Daine never really stopped carrying that torch for Niki despite it all. And Niki realizes that Daine is the ONLY mf who can handle him#and Niki (regrettably) does love Daine. but yknow its hard when the guy KILLED YOU IN COLD BLOOD AND TRIED TO PULL 'its not you. its me <3'#but all this time later when theyre hiding out in S9 they sometimes let themselves play the game where theyre lovers again.#just like nothing ever happened. and daine has to deal with the fact he'll NEVER get that back no matter how bad they both want it.#what if he HAD chosen Niki over some stupid orders and let himself be happy?#Home would still be ruins. but he would have Niki still. What if he chose to love Niki?#He wishes he did. He can never say it out loud. but he wishes he chose Niki over selfish gain.#oh yeah i forgot these tags#Friend's characters#My characters#i couldve done way better onthe text or layout but ugh i was sick of setting this up tbh i jsut wanted it DONE.#its a mirror to the original photoset i made of them actually.#just this time its rectangle borders and cool tones instead of oval warm tones <3#but i think im the only one who notices that LOL
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adam who knows the door is wide open, knows he could leave at any point, knows that lawrence wouldn’t stop him, couldn’t stop him and yet. and yet .. adam who looks at the fresh crimson stain on lawrence’s shirt collar, the red beneath his nails he hasn’t quite managed to scrub away yet and wonders if there’s any universe in which he’d run to the cops, to anyone. adam who knows there isn’t. lawrence wouldn’t stop him but adam wouldn’t run. adam who despises everything jigsaw stands for, tells lawrence as much, tells lawrence that he’s gonna be the first to dance on that bastards grave when he finally kicks it but who still stays with lawrence. despite it all. because he’s lawrence, because he’s adam’s. because they’re so inextricably intertwined that not having lawrence around now would kill him as surely as reaching inside and pulling out his own beating heart. he’s everywhere and he’s everything, living in the spaces between adam’s ribs and wrapped around his brain like a live wire. running would be suicide and besides, adam’s not gonna let him go, can’t. not now. adam who would absolve lawrence of just about anything as long as he’s by his side, as long as he keeps coming back, as long as he switches the light on when he gets home and cups adam’s face oh so gently in bloodstained hands
#lawrence who wishes he would. just a little#lawrence who looks at the smear of blood he leaves on adams cheekbone and asks why#adam who just shrugs and says ‘because’ which is simultaneously not enough & too much#youll never recover from that kind of devotion or whatever man who even cares. sound of me crying#thinking about codependent chainshipping in a way that feels like digging my own grave#i need to walk around for awhile#sorry adam being given a flashing neon sign that says exit here nd choosing to ignore it because lawrence isnt on the other side oh i am#Soo normal#its about being selfish in the most self destructive way possible#how can i make this about dog adam devoted to the point of no return#nevermind i already did apparently#chainshipping#adam faulkner stanheight#lawrence gordon#📹
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#[ tako8yaki ] — general.#[ i WILL. eventually rephrase this tag ramble better bc arlong deserves his own post but just.#[ thinks about hatchan's relationship with arlong what if guy you knew since you were kids and who always had your back#[ when no one else did what if this guy you love and care for and choose to follow was making you actively worse#[ and you Know it but what if you don't care. What if you just. Don't care#[ what if what you care about is Him and his grief and his rage#[ what if you know what he's doing in wrong but you enable him anyway? because you want him to be happy#[ you want him to be king and you'll cheer for him every step on the way no matter how the blood pools because he's your best friend#[ because you care about him. And it's So horribly selfish but aren't pirates supposed to be selfish?#[ i need to stress that it's hatchan's decision to follow arlong and he's So utterly complicit#[ and it's so.#[ what if hachi says he's done running away and pretending but he's running still away from one specific something#[ of what he would do if he saw arlong again#[ what if he doesn't want to think about it but what if he does anyway. What if he doesn't know and that's terrifying#[ what if hachi misses him every day but what if hachi's different now and he doesn't know how arlong would react to that#[ what if hachi can't laugh things off the way he used to. What if they hadn't seen each other in while#[ and what if they both changed#[ what if it'd break Hachi's heart to let Arlong walk away and it'd break Hachi's heart to walk away from the life He's made#[ what if he's forever in debt to nami and the straw hats and what if he can never forgive arlong#[ but that's okay to him because he can never forgive himself either#[ and what if the one thing that he knows for sure is that if arlong needed him. hachi would answer#[ your honor that's his bestie#[ your honor Hachi has seen him at his worst and saw arlong digging deeper and all he'd done is grabbed a shovel and joined in to help him#[ what if it could be about growth and compromise and healing but what if hachi's afraid of hoping.#[ but what if he could do it scared anyway#[ MAN. what if i gaf about them#[ me when i see vi's arlong for 1 (one) second and immediately gets ill...
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every time i start to think things might be looking up with my dad some bullshit happens that makes the guilt kick right back in again
#thots et al#googles 'is it possible to save your father'#he was just starting to get more exercise and feel healthier and he says he broke his toe???#i just dont know what to do man#i already blame myself for his most recent episode because i didnt care for him enough#and im gonna blame myself for whatever happens next too#because every day i go around knowing full well my father is miserable and alone but being too selfish to care enough to visit#i just finally made a date with him too#idk man#lately not a lot makes me full-on cry but thinking of him is so fucking painful im always crying over him#i wish i knew how to deal with this#i wish i didnt have so many good memories of him despite the bad cuz then i wouldnt care#and yet... i dont care... do i?#because if i did i would do something. right?#at least thats what people say#ive never exactly understood this sort of thing#i think nothing is more terrifying than the physical degradation of old age-- nothing else scares me so much about it#but eventually you grow old and there is no one left#yet still the young shun you#yet still your own daughter shuns you
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#silv rambles#so my dad has convinced his lawyers that hes got capacity and has revoked the PoA and Enduring Guardianship that i never wanted to be#ahh i am so glad to be free#the anxiety and depression i have felt especially since last june#is almost unexplainable#i did this for my sister I who really put herself through SO much trying to help this man who is selfish beyond measure & always has been#she tries to give him grace for the Huntington's but the truth is hes always been manipulating and self centred#hes stolen the last months of my mum he stole my recovery from cancer he stole our grieving period and he caused me to start having#panic attacks again and opened up trauma from csa (not him) that i had long dealt with by raising it without preface or warning#anyway#he wanted us removed as he has changed his mind and realised he'll be better off if he doesn't divorce his wife#and we are concerned that he doesn't understand the full impact of this#but hes been found to have enough capacity to make some choices so hes appointed her son- his step son- who he says will be impartial#lmao#anyway anyway#its all ao long and HORRIBLE and boring#but hes made his choices and wr are free#and i hope my sister I geta some peace#and i think all of us (my three sisters and I) can grieve mama and start to live with joy how she wants#and tomorrow im going to the ladies baths to swim in the ocean and then ill do some gardening and then#I don't know#finish my weaving#finish my seamus fic#who fucking knows#but i won't have yo be replying to messages berating me for something I never did in the first place or demanding i do something immediately#while also telling me i am stupid as im dyslexic and probably don't understand what he wants#etc etc#i want to write a proper post about this but i just need to get this out of me for now
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switching gears, its funny (it's not actually)---that armando insists to mario that he can't break up with betty bc it would kill her. especially after their second night together, meanwhile betty's tried to break up with him multiple times. most importantly the night before. breaking up wouldn't kill her. it would kill him.
#he never accepts her break ups#even after the first kiss she was ready to pretend it never happened#but he kept pursuing her#after the junta directiva she even says 'why didnt you end things when you knew about my past?'#she watched his ass for months and he did nothing that showed her that maybe he cared a little about the harm he was causing#not knowing he's actually very selfish and didnt want to lose her only to still lose her#that man is a mess#ysblf
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it's so weird having a puppy (~1 y/o) in my house again bc we haven't had a dog that young in my house since i was like six. idk how to say this but watching him sit on the couch between my parents, them holding his paws so he gets used to having his feet touched, feels like.. like when people have another kid when their youngest is a preteen? he's my toddler younger brother i (figuratively) watch paw patrol with and he is so unbelievably babycoded and i should edit a picture of him with one of those propellor hats and a big swirly lollipop is how i feel
#hes so funny i should post about him more#he's so.. bendy?? he bends. and he's a leaner for sure so he ends up sitting very funnily#and there's something about the posture and his demeanor.. ik it's outdated but he is baby there's no other way to day it#the way he (dozens of times a day) sits on the couch to chew on a ball and then drops it and the just#heartbroken way he stares at it... brother You dropped it. it's giving high chair. he dropped his sippy cup and my heart is aching a little#his insistence on prolonged couch time and specifically couch cuddling time (not a trait any of my prev dogs have shared)... baby#like he is just so profoundly meepy woopy so unbelievably omby doupy. boundo wumbo. and so on#i love him very much he is a very silly boy#and i think he's good for the old lady#anyway i went downstairs to get some ice and saw that he and izzy were in my parents' room for the night#and i felt that halfway to tears twinge in me. i am capable of that childlike sadness of missing saying goodnight when you know#you're going to see them again in the morning#im a retired master of it actually#anyway i miss them#it's been like two hours but i miss them allllll the time. love my buppy bogs forever and ever#augh is it weird that that pig rolling video reminded me of zapp? i miss my beautiful boy#just the sweetest old man. it's so funny that hoagie shares so much with him bc they did not get along#and it usually means poor izzy has to deal with her fellow dog being selfish or bumping into her a lot. <3#he was so wonderful. wish i could pet that big old head of his again#anyway#hoagie's just a bundle of boy. even more so than when i usually use that term bc he really does kinda fold in on himself#i should post some of the pictures i have of him sitting goofy bc it's hard to just describe#fascinating bug
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life is strange 2 is making me sad as fuck. i think sean diaz has suffered more than jesus
spoilers in tags
#but seriously though. fuck finn for this whole mess. that was such a betrayal#i ratted him out not bc i want him to go to jail but bc i didn't want to implicate myself or the others#i know in game logic i should implicate myself to be heroic and selfless but i was thinking irl logic but also#fuck this guy! why would i take the fall for him! he completely fucking betrayed me and put my brother in danger#after me and cassidy told him multiple times not to!#he's so childish and selfish and egotistical.#but it felt like i should've went in and talked to him when i was escaping#but what was i gonna say#hey finn i ratted you out bc you did this to urself and also i fucking hate you#so i just left#he's such a fucking dick man#it was SO selfish. because he was like i'm just doing it for u and daniel#1) you're putting daniel in danger because he is a child and you are robbing a man with a gun#and 2) i told you to not do it. so ur not doing it for me AND you're defying the wishes of the CHILD's guardian#he just does what he fucking wants because he thinks he's right and he's being a saviour but he's not even listening to me#and i don't care that daniel asked him to do it with him. he's a fucking child. i know he's been through a lot but he is still nine yrs old#fuuuuuck i hate this guy so much. one of my most hated life is strange characters so far
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#the more i stay around people the more i want to become like them out of spite#because i was so surprised these people are at least 24-26 years age some even did a minor bachelor's before coming here#some have completed post grad and then joined#like aren't you all too fucking old to act that immature#i grew so resentful of everyone how they keep on doing the worst low man shit and then victimize themselves#hypocrites full of shit they don't want to hear the truth#i know no one has the audacity to take a fight with me on here because they know im the youngest here#not because im the youngest but because im better#the girls frown upon me because i don't hear their low mindset humorless jokes and pointo out where they fall short#oh [my irl name] youre so stiff hamesha kami kyun nikalti rahti ho hamesha baat kaatne ki aadat hai learn to take a joke#mazaak hi to kar rahe hain kya yaar#ive cried so many times because i feel suffocated here and out of hate i want to act immature selfish hypocrite too so i do#i become self centered and look into my needs#but everyday bcg shows me how one stays firm in mindset even amidst surrounding of shit people#he points out to me all the time when i start acting like them he says why aren't you trying to rise above#i say ham bhi karte hai na unn chutiyon jaisa behave kyunki unhe unhi ki language mei samajh aata hai#achha ban kar honest banne se kuch nahi milta yaha#but he knows his stuff#he never does these things#however much i let evil thoughts take upon i get astounded everyday how he's practicing his rightful his honesty even tho no one's looking#it makes me want to cry#i hope he gets so ahead in life i hope he stands at the podium one day on a stage and deliver speeches where people actually can see him#like he sees the orator that come to attend our unis gatherings and says everytime kuch to baat hoti hai inn logon mei#i hope he achieves whatever he wants i hope he gets ahead of everyone all this fucking corruption#its not that he's done anything that im applauding he tries his best#and maybe teachers see that too all in class they're only looking at him and teaching they know#do you know how fucking hard it is not get corrupted in this uni and become one of those assholes that have done things unimaginable#im inspired everyday ill try my best to be like him#i do not just want to praise him i want to become someone he doesn't have to say fir tum bhi vahi karogi to kya farq reh jaayega#kuch bada nahi hota logon ki roz roz ki choti choti aadaton se pata chal jaata hai vo kaise hain
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why is volume 7 of trimax called happy days if it is causing me so much pain and suffering
#where is the happy in my days? bc i can tell you rn it’s definitely not in volume 7#but it did make me have a better understanding of knives and where he’s coming from because MY GOD was that shit fucked up#everything stemming from the fear of the terrible lengths that humans take to fully understand what they don’t#all while cause way more harm than good for their own selfish gains is just… it all makes sense when you look at it from his perspective#am i saying he’s right and excusing his behavior? nope the man is absolutely insane and shitty But i now get why he turned out that way#trigun#trigun maximum#trigun stampede#millions knives#vash the stampede#salo.exe
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I know you said you are a Donnie enjoyer yeah he’s awesome I love him. I love all the guys actually it’s just the sunset duo are my favs. What’s your opinion on the sunset duo I mean Raph and Mikey as individuals or as a duo
I AM VERY MUCH A SUNSET DUO ENJOYER THEYRE GREAT!!!!! i have a sep!au fully plotted out that centers them as one of the Big Dynamics (ive been waiting for an excuse to ramble about it so maybe later. wears button that says Please Ask Me About My Work),,, i dont have a ton to say but i feel bad for people who favor them because this is a very disaster twins centered fanbase from what i've observed LMAO. raph and mikey enjoyers you deserve more food i am so sorry......
(more in the tags because that accidentally happened and im not transferring it over to here LMAO)
#ask#i should really write some raph centric angst because i think the world needs more of it#its been up there on my list with the old man yaoi (because seriously why is there so little of it must i do EVERYTHING around here)#raph and splinter's dynamic is so unexplored in canon and i kind of just want to TEAR INTO IT..... grrr#i have less to say about mikey except for the fact that some fandom characterization of him frustrates me#mikey's a confident little bastard and sometimes he can be a selfish little shit and like#ngl? i love him for that i think it makes him funny as hell#i think a lot of his role as the family therapist is something he does in an attempt to affirm HIMSELF#it explains the way he treats draxum very well. he's trying to prove he's capable to himself#because mikey is like leo in that way he just shows it differently#he's frustrated because he wants other people to respect him as much as he respects himself#so he brute forces it like dat#okay so apparently i had more to say about mikey than i did raph LMAO he's great#mikey's very susceptible to peer pressure and hates actually upsetting people but he's not conflict averse!!!#i see people make him handle raph and leo fighting worse than donnie does and im like Youre Wrong......#boy's actually very confrontational and upfront just like raph is#leo's reckless desperation to prove himself and raph's brute force approach to problems..... oh mikey thats a horrible combination ilysm
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i havent spent enough time thinking about laws thoughts on when acton went missing. thinks about it.
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#i think it was a period of like a couple days between when it just seemed like a nocall noshow (which wasnt that surprising given how fucked#up actons been for the last several months and 100x more so now since law got revived and [scene i also still need to draw but#tldr it traumatized acton further] and then when people went looking for him at his house they realized oh hes GONE gone#and the news was especially slow to reach law because people walk on eggshells around him already let alone talking to him about ACTON#and law wanted to not care. and i wouldnt say he DID CARE but he wanted to know but also didnt want to LOOK like he cared#so he refused to ask people and just slowly heard through the grapevine (he probably couldve guessed too but actons already been trying to#avoid him at work for a whiile)#and he had weird feelings about it. because he hates acton obviously. but now that hes gone he's just left to fester in his hate#that was never Really towards acton himself as a person as much as just what he represented (his old life having to 'rely' on someone etc)#and in his weird fucked up selfish way he DOES deep down miss him. but again mostly what he represented (a time when he was happy#and the person who really made him happy)#fuuuckkkkkk i think i might still be sick in the head about law. fuuuuuuckkkkkkkk man i hate that guy#mumbling
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Man, I realize demanding that someone execute their own brother is pretty fucked up, but He Xuan asking that of Shi Qingxuan still gave them more respect than Shi Qingxuan ever got from Shi Wudu [gave them the ability to make their own choice after finally being given the full story and enough context to actually have the capacity for informed consent, something that Shi Wudu spent centuries denying to Shi Qingxuan] and also, He Xuan did nothing wrong and should be allowed to do all the atrocities he wants, thank you for your time
#this bitch told me shi wudu loves his brother more than anything; i said 'bitch where'#she said 'under all his bluster and overbearing bullshit'; i said 'BITCH *WHERE*'#like………all tea all shade: shi wudu is actually the person who jiang cheng antis think they are hating#selfish? check. never listens? check. disrespects everyone's agency? check. no self-reflection on atrocities? check. learns nothing? CHECK.#i wish all jiang cheng antis a very 'please read tgcf so you can at least meet a character who actually does all the things you're saying'#literally every decision he made was fundamentally fucking selfish & he just gaslit himself into believing#that he did it—all of it—out of love for shi qingxuan#like how do you look at shi qingxuan—finally in the loop after centuries of being denied that chance—telling their gege#'no please let's pick the first option i would rather be a piteous wretch driven to madness by my own suffering than#live in a world where you died unnecessarily; we can make things right with he xuan AND both live; a miserable life is better than DEATH'#and shi wudu going 'lmao denied stop being a whiny little bitch and come chop my head off already you'll thank me for this later'#and walk away from that genuinely believing that this is a man who loves his brother. it's pretty clear to me that he does not.#love looks like a lot of different things and as far as i'm concerned this ain't one of them#also he xuan should be allowed to do all the atrocities he pleases thank u#kassie hush#mine: text#opinions for ts#wank for ts#idk? maybe? i'm being a hater so it probably counts
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this is them, i fear
step 1: self-recognition through the other
step 2: try to kill each other
#i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again#robin & red x are so frankenstein coded#probably bc frankenstein is like a combination of man vs self & man vs man#and it deals with morally gray characters. because people aren’t good or evil#they’re both#um but yeah anyway. self recognition thru others =#robin starting to come to terms w the fact that#him doing a bad thing (becoming red x and all that entailed)#does not make him a bad person#+ he did a bad thing for a good reason but that point doesn’t matter bc he never forgave himself anyway#then for red x. deciding to save & help robin save the city instead of just ‘being selfish’#and walking away from the situation cause it’s not his problem#uh and he helped robin in a later episode too. after trying to kill him#they did this inverted lol#step 1. try to kill/arrest each other#step 2. self recognition through the other#secret step 3 (can be done at any time). flirt
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