#youll never recover from that kind of devotion or whatever man who even cares. sound of me crying
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adam who knows the door is wide open, knows he could leave at any point, knows that lawrence wouldn’t stop him, couldn’t stop him and yet. and yet .. adam who looks at the fresh crimson stain on lawrence’s shirt collar, the red beneath his nails he hasn’t quite managed to scrub away yet and wonders if there’s any universe in which he’d run to the cops, to anyone. adam who knows there isn’t. lawrence wouldn’t stop him but adam wouldn’t run. adam who despises everything jigsaw stands for, tells lawrence as much, tells lawrence that he’s gonna be the first to dance on that bastards grave when he finally kicks it but who still stays with lawrence. despite it all. because he’s lawrence, because he’s adam’s. because they’re so inextricably intertwined that not having lawrence around now would kill him as surely as reaching inside and pulling out his own beating heart. he’s everywhere and he’s everything, living in the spaces between adam’s ribs and wrapped around his brain like a live wire. running would be suicide and besides, adam’s not gonna let him go, can’t. not now. adam who would absolve lawrence of just about anything as long as he’s by his side, as long as he keeps coming back, as long as he switches the light on when he gets home and cups adam’s face oh so gently in bloodstained hands
#lawrence who wishes he would. just a little#lawrence who looks at the smear of blood he leaves on adams cheekbone and asks why#adam who just shrugs and says ‘because’ which is simultaneously not enough & too much#youll never recover from that kind of devotion or whatever man who even cares. sound of me crying#thinking about codependent chainshipping in a way that feels like digging my own grave#i need to walk around for awhile#sorry adam being given a flashing neon sign that says exit here nd choosing to ignore it because lawrence isnt on the other side oh i am#Soo normal#its about being selfish in the most self destructive way possible#how can i make this about dog adam devoted to the point of no return#nevermind i already did apparently#chainshipping#adam faulkner stanheight#lawrence gordon#📹
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