#man i love healthy masculinity and male friendships

[perpetuallyexhaustedlibrarian]

I love that Sako made a friend in Shishitoren, even though joining was originally just a means to an end for him.

I have to imagine that Inugami was the one who adopted Sako and was basically like, "yep, we're besties now."

Inugami is just adorable 🥰

[bleuangel88]

If there's one thing that one can take away from this series so far, it is that the friendship among the trio is one of the show's most wholesome, endearing, feels-inducing aspects.....No matter what, can we just protect Mickey, Spoon, and Ema at all costs?

With so much going on surrounding the mystery of who is after Ashley Kent and why, the Dylan Shakes connection, and the teens still trying to go about their lives as teenagers, sometimes it's easy to forget that Mickey hasn't been able to fully grieve or parse through his feelings about his father's "death" and his mother's absence.

He's distracted himself so much with these other things that we don't get many of those moments of reflection about where he is regarding his father's death and how he's coping with any of that.

It's why those quiet moments with Mickey confiding in Spoon are so heart-wrenching and heartwarming at once.

Jaden Michael and Adrian Greensmith have such great chemistry that you get completely engrossed in their scenes whenever they share the screen.

Spoon Spindell is a consummate friend and ally, endlessly supportive, rational, willing to throw himself into any fight to defend Mickey to his own detriment, and this emotional safe space for Mickey to lean on and confide in at every given moment.

How he knows Mickey so well and intimately in such a short period is one of the season's highlights.

It's incredibly gratifying to see two young men get to discuss their emotions, be affectionate with each other, and have such emotional maturity and a healthy relationship.

It's not to dismiss any potential undertones of something more. Shippers are going to ship, and it's certainly an avenue for it.

But it's so rare and thus touching to see such a strong depiction of an emotionally open and vulnerable male dynamic that isn't rooted in toxic masculinity that every second of Spoon and Mickey being emotionally supportive and affectionate with one another is a treasure.

Spoon is a great sounding board for Mickey because he has an innate ability to cut right to the heart of something, leading with kindness, understanding, compassion, and reasoning with a level head that doesn't feel condescending or dismissive.

He knows that Mickey can't afford to doubt his father when it's not a question that Brad was a good man who loved his son endlessly, and that's not something to question.

And I loved that he offered to go to Brad's grave with Mickey and reminded him that he has people to lean on and doesn't have to go through this alone.

Spoon Spindell is nothing if not a trusted, loyal companion in the purest sense.In an hour where Spoon was constantly the supportive friend and trusty sidekick character, it was nice to have that moment between him and Agent.

Spoon is a character who has more to him than meets the eye, and it's apparent that he hides behind his humor and quirkiness.

It's heartbreaking to think that he's experienced darkness, but it's also not that surprising, and the real concern is Agent's cryptic message that Spoon will experience more losses.

And the temporary tattoo Agent gives Spoon was interesting, too. It was the badass biker type with the bleeding, broken heart held together, and Agent left a space for a name. But what is the meaning behind that?

Does it imply that Spoon will place someone he loves there because they're healing his broken heart, or does it mean that someone he loves will break his heart or hurt him somehow?

Is it one of intimacy and a loving tribute or something more complex? And what's the over-under on the name that Spoon puts there?

Is it one of intimacy and a loving tribute or something more complex? And what's the over-under on the name that Spoon puts there?

Is it wrong that the first name that came to mind was Mickey?

I don't think Spoon has loved anyone as much as he loves Mickey Bolitar, and he shows that constantly. He wears that on his sleeve. He's never had what he's had until Mickey showed up...

[gettinontopic]

Transandrophobia is real and it isn't about Trans Women opressing Trasn Men its about how the patriarchy attacks all masculinity that isnt the Cishetallo peri-sex able-bodied white man style that's been cultivated since this land was stolen!!!

It covers anyone who's felt like their identity was dictated by them not being allowed to be a man, or being forced to be a man due to factors they couldn't control. It covers anyone who's masculinity was punished because they aren't a man or weren't a man at one point.

It covers how the patriarchy treats masculinity like a prison and anyone who fights that is treated like an escaped prisoner.

[More under cut bc this got way longer than I originally meant]

Patriarcy hates you if you aren't cis no matter how well you preform, designed to try and make you feel like to relax you have to pass as their idea of man, even if thats not anywhere near who you are as a person.

God forbid you be assigned male and the go through and different puberty then they want. Or god forbid you have a physical traigh that the Patriarchy doesn't thing adds up to man. And go fuck yourself if they assign you male and then find something that makes them sneak off, change shit (possibly without parental consent either) and say "haha we were wrong its a healthy baby girl actually!" Only for your classmates to mock you as you start to have seemingly a "wrong" puberty for girld your age.

It hates you if you aren't white, and sees your masculinity as Femininity (in a derogatory way) or as a funny mimicry of its own. It laughs at you or marks you as more violent no matter how many of the acceptable White Words you use. It kills you if you inspire too many people to like you and agree with you. Your're treated stange and forgein no matter how many of you there are in the world around them.

It hates you if you aren't the ideal allo. If you look at romance as anything as Husband and Wife in a Nice White House and with at least Two White Kids and behind your White Picket Fence. If you look at friendship as anything other than secondhand to romance. It teaches you to see critisisms of centralizing romance and sex everywhere, as personal attacks to lash back on.

It hates you if you are a Women who likes masculinity. Because the Patriarchy doesn't see Women as somone who should have masculinity. Women bring new ways to look at masculinity and new ways to present it. Thats is a threat to the Patriarchies need to keep tight fitting boxes.

Butches, cis or trans, are treated like ticking time bombs who should be carefully wire cut so they don't explode and leave their self crafted masculinity where the Patriarchy has to see it.

It hates you if you aren't able bodied. It looks at you as something to be fixed to fufill a role that it assigned, not nature. It looks at you as a failure for not being able to preform the song and dance it choreographed. It mocks you and abandons you because it knows you can't keep up, the goalpost always moving past what you prove you can do.

No man has a mobility aid until he's old. No man has sickness in his body until he earns it (by being old) Men can always lift heavy things (and must hurt themslves being a proud old man). Men always work the Jobs. Men always have working bodies and big muscles (but not fat haha. Never fat thats gross).

The Patriarchy hates fat. Fat makes you a failure. Fat means you aren't a worker. Fat means you're probably greedy with food. Fat is something to be bred out of us or forced off of us and god forbid someone know they're loveable while fat. Patriarchy find fat people who love themselves and it tries to convince them with every breath that they should take it back. It's made to humiliate bodies that don't fit an imagined porn outline.

The Patriarchy hates you if you're a child. Boy or Girl it sets you up to assume distrust in each other. It eagerly shoves away children who don't fit a future beauty and behavior mold and even children who can pretend they fit, are left empty because it's not what they want to grow into. It's what the Patriarchy told them they had no choice but to grow into, as it covers their eyes and ears to better things.

...

Are there other words too? Yeah. There is. There's so many words that overlap and explain lots of these. And this is one of them.

It's for the demonization of masculinity in a society that recognizes only 1 as correct. It's about the Patriarchy and it being a glutton for giving punishment. It's about the System and how it intsects with us as people.

Please find it in you to understand that we are all fighting this together, and that Patriarchy whats you to hate a word more than you hate the system that made that word real.

[buddieisgoingcanon25]

Sorry, I came back to the start and added this bit because it is long and I apologize for that.

On the subject of the discussions of Bi-Buck and Queer Eddie, to me, it makes sense that Buck would be the first to lead that direction and that is how they decided to play this story line. Buck reminds me a lot of me in regard to being a relatively open person and not disliking someone for who they are. If we’re to believe that Buck was pretty much ignored for the most part as a young teen to young adulthood by his parents, he would not have had the same influence someone like Eddie would have whose family was pretty much very involved with. So Buck realizing that he likes women AND men, wouldn’t have been that big of a deal to him. Like with me, it was more of a “okay, so to me it doesn’t matter man or woman, as long as they care for me and are a good person”

We see the opposite now with Eddie’s religious trauma/guilt and the way he was so hesitant for therapy. Eddie tells his father that he is going to therapy to be better for himself and Christopher because he now realizes that the way he grew up was NOT healthy. Eddie going to therapy was him taking further steps away from the box of his family’s influence (leaving Texas was the very first step outside, and when he left the box, he just stood there right outside of it) There is evidence that he himself still has yet to process Shanon’s death as well as her wanting a divorce, because when Shannon died, Christopher took precedence. I don’t doubt Eddie was into Shannon, and at one point, he probably was very much in love with her. I think he mentioned she was his best friend at one point. And even with them being separated and her abandoning Chris, he did still love her, even if the trust he had once had for her was broken when she left. I don’t think Eddie has commitment issues. He is committed to his son and his job. His friends, especially his relationship with Buck. What Eddie’s problem is, he is looking for the wrong things in a partner. We all know it because we are the observers from the outside.

In the end, I have hope that Tim, Ryan, and Oliver have had a lengthy discussion on if they want this to happen or not. Ryan saying he wanted that platonic relationship between male friends is valid and is important. But also, if Buddie does happen, it parallels with Eddie and Shannon. Their relationship started out on the basis as they are friends, and they dated and Shannon ended up pregnant. Buck is Eddie’s best friend now, and they have that connection that could move from platonic to something more. I agree with Ryan that it is important for platonic male relationships that allow both parties to be vulnerable with each other are important. That is the only way we will help end toxic masculinity. However, I think it is also important to show that relationships that began from platonic friendships can be some of the strongest relationships. All the other pairings (minus Maddie and Chim even though it was clear that they were both romantically interested in each other from the start they remained friends until she was ready to move on from an abusive relationship) started out as romantic interest right out of the gate.

If Buddie happens the way I hope it happens, I have to believe that for both Buck and Eddie, it will be a little “Oh, there you are. I’ve been searching for you.” moment. It may even not be a huge crisis, but more something that has Eddie going to Frank like ���so I am in love with my best friend. It doesn’t weird me out like I feel it should. But what worries me is he is such an important part of my life, of my son’s life, I couldn’t handle losing him”

Sorry for just seeing this now. I was at work and couldn’t look at my phone. Great right up anon.

[andersholmvikbootysex]

i feel like one of the themes of regular show is healthy masculinity, especially when it comes to male friendships. i’m sure there’s plenty of shows that display healthy male friendships, but i feel like regular show does it better than the rest; i mean, the plot is quite literally about a bunch of bros who keep and get each other out of trouble. that’s like, most of the episodes from seasons 1 to 5. there are countless moments where rigby and mordecai show affection and care, then go on to deem it because “you’re my best friend”, without a second thought or word about how it’s cheesy or something like that because they’re dudes. alongside this, there’s skips saving the entire staff several times, muscle man & high-five ghost’s entire origin story, mordecai & rigby saving benson and vice versa, etcetera etcetera. they all very clearly love each other, and between men that’s not something that’s portrayed in a positive light often; it’s usually passed off as gay or “soft”, but i think regular show does such a splendid job at showing it naturally, like it’s not a big deal

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: I Think Our Son Is Gay

Author: Okura

Genre: Comics | Family | Friendship | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Slight Homophobia

Overall Rating: 10/10

Personal Opinion: A wholesome story about acceptance, unconditional love, and unrelenting support. Told from the perspective of a mother who thinks her teenage son is gay (and he definitely is), you will absolutely fall in love with how she learns about the best ways to support her son and unlearn certain behaviors and thoughts. I truly wish and hope that every queer kid has a parent like this mom.

Do I Own These Books? Yes! I own the first four volumes!

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- First of all, I think these comics are incredibly relatable. Personally, for me, Hiroki represents my queer experience growing up. I don’t care for male idols much but I adore female idols. I fall for more masculine-presenting people. And I have definitely looked up “muscle men” on the internet when I was thirteen. Not everything about Hiroki is relatable. Some things are exaggerated for comedic effect obviously, like when he gets super-focused on attractive masculine men. But even then, I feel like he’s representing my inner thoughts and I appreciate that.

- Obviously the best part of the manga is the mother’s undying love and support for her son. She wasn’t thrilled when she first found out he might be gay but she realized, if he wasn’t hurt or hurting others, then there’s nothing wrong with him being gay. She makes mistakes, she slips up, but above all else, her love for her son will prevail in the end and she will respect him and any choices that he may or may not make. That’s the ideal kind of parent to me. 

- But the other best part is Yuri, the little brother. I adore him so much. Because he knows (or suspects) that Hiroki is gay as well and doesn’t care. But when someone tries to pry into Hiroki’s life, Yuri is there to defend him. There’s a scene where Hiroki’s dad is grilling him about something and Yuri gives Hiroki an out by saying Hiroki isn’t obligated to tell the dad anything. He’s such a smart and kind boy and I love that he and Hiroki have such a healthy relationship as siblings. I think that further shows that their mother did a great job raising the two of them.

- Hiroki’s obvious crush on Daigo is adorable. He sees Daigo as this cool and dependable person that is capable of doing anything he sets his mind to. But he doesn’t treat Daigo like a machine that will do anything for them like their classmates do. To him, Daigo is a friend first and foremost and he treats Daigo as such and it’s so wholesome. I love how he treasures gifts, photos, and words from Daigo because I would be the same.

- However, that being said, I love how Hiroki took a step back when Daigo got a girlfriend. He didn’t panic or cry or get angry about it. Throughout the series, he’s depicted as a very emotional person but he’s also very emotionally mature. He wants Daigo to hang out with his girlfriend and he wants Daigo to be happy even if that means not being together romantically. I find that so sweet.

- Toono-san! An actual, confirmed, explicitly stated gay man exists in this manga. He has a partner and he’s open about that if he’s asked about it. He has his past and his problems but he’s happy and that’s all I could want for a queer character. For them to be thriving. Best of all, he’s Hiroki’s mom’s co-worker and I find it so adorable how she comes to him when she needs advice about raising her son or a queer perspective on her son’s experiences. But she also learns through him that gay men aren’t a monolith, not all of them are going to act or react the same way in a situation as another. And I just love that.

- This manga series is so education for queers and non-queers alike and I think just about everyone should read it.

Dislikes:

- The older lady co-worker who said, “What a waste that he’s gay” about Tonoo-san. I hate those words. She also stereotyped him later on when she learned he was gay. But you know what, this story isn’t about her. It’s about what we can learn not to do from microaggressions like her’s.

- I’m not sure I’m a fan of Hiroki’s dad. I just have to hope that his love for his sons will overcome any judgment and prejudice he may hold against queer people. I also hope that his wife calls him out on his bullshit more. Overall, I do appreciate his character’s presence and what it adds to the narrative.

[thelesbianpoirot]

I don’t understand how you can say you’re a certain sexuality but then not interact with the other person’s genitals at all during sex…or not have sex at all, I don’t understand. Like maybe I’d be classified as a low libido bottom but I still want to do things to women and with women cause I’m attracted to them and it feels good and I want them to feel good? I think some of these asexual lesbians just want close female friendship, or a lifelong female friendship in which they are affectionate in a way you might be with a sibling or close friend and they think that’s the same as being a lesbian? Like I understand the whole oh let’s hold hands and go on a picnic stuff because that is cute and romantic but if you’re attracted to each other wouldn’t you also want to have sex with each other? If not it seems like you just want a wholesome and close friendship which is totally understandable but doesn’t make you a lesbian

Me too anon. I can't make this any clearer. I understand certain sex, i.e penetration being to strenuous and invasive for some gay people. Some lesbians don't enjoy dildo penetration or fingering. Some gay men are very much against bottoming or topping anally. That is intensive sex that require preparedness, safety and commitment to keeping things clean/fun. I can understand that. But you can't look at pussy directly and desire it enough to put your mouth on it, desire to touch it, to watch as you bring a woman to orgasm, please reconsider if lesbianism is right for you. There is a difference of preference, and disgust/disinterest. I am fine with female centered celibacy, I think in this world women should have full control of our bodies and not be pressured to conform to the wishes of others. We are not things to be used. However, I think female celibacy is being mistaken as lesbianism. It is being made synonymous with lesbianism. So quite a few women with no sexual desire for women are hijacking our community once again. It is alienating lesbians who do want to fuck, like my high libido is one of the reasons why I considered transitioning to be a man, like I felt freakish sexually desiring women on the level I do. It felt masculine and gross. Portrayals of lesbianism I saw never represented raw sexual desire, unless it is through a male lens (two straight actresses performing for the camera) or family friendly neutered-married lesbian celebrity. You go on a dating app, talk to a girl for two months, she never wants to meet up and have sex. She's using the lesbian dating app to try to find lasting female friendship, someone to share her daily struggles with and that is nice all but it makes me feel like a creepy dude on there like "Do any of you actually like pussy?"

"But I am not attracted to men" yes, honey that is the first thing to question, however, lesbianism is female exclusive sexual attraction to other females. If you don't experience this, consider that you aren't a homosexual, and should in fact stick to trying to find lasting female friendships. I try not to be mean, because I am blessed enough to live my roommate, and best friend of 10 years. We go on bar/dinner dates together, celebrate each other's birthdays, her family is my family and when she has a child, she even considers raising it with me, if she isn't married to the father. I love this relationship. But my friend also wouldn't touch another woman's pussy with a ten-foot pole, and I have needs. I love the closeness, but there is something really missing to consider this a lesbian relationship, and it is physical intimacy. I need physical intimacy with a woman, that is a healthy lesbian desire.

No disrespects to low libido lesbians, who have a specific type of woman who can turn them on, or only want to fuck once a month for a few hours, or lesbians who would never consider hooking up with a strange woman online, I respect your boundaries. You are lesbians. What I don't respect is women running from pussy like it's the plague. Calling into the date sick when ask to return the favor and eat some pussy. Draft dodging the pussy!

[alarajrogers]

This is absolutely correct.

Me, I thought this was going to be "let two men in fiction actually be friends instead of lovers for once!" or some other example of terminal online-ness... but no, "let men be masculine in a way that doesn't involve shitting on non-male people" is not at all a mainstream opinion. Yes, "let men be masculine" is a mainstream opinion, but they mean mainstream masculinity with its huge, huge dose of toxicity running through it, not a form of healthy masculinity where men aren't so afraid of being declared non-men by their friends that they have to spend enormous amounts of energy proving How Man They Are.

It's also an opinion that is widely shat upon in the queer and feminist communities, meaning that if you are either queer, a feminist, or both, you're going to hear a lot of anti-male and anti-masculinity opinions from your peers. People derive their self-image more from their peers than from the larger society around them; this is one of the reasons teens still start smoking despite the fact that society in general has kind of moved to "smoking is disgusting and stupid." So if your friends and their friends and most of the people you are close to are always saying "men are terrible", and you're a man, this does a lot of damage.

Let men be masculine, and let masculinity be healthy. Let it not depend on building men up by tearing anyone not "masculine" enough down. Let it let men have emotionally open friendships and relationships with their fathers, sons, brothers and friends. Let people who love maleness, either through identity or attraction, be free to express that love without their friends telling them they're awful, and let the scourge of Radical Feminism, which posits that basically everything wrong with humanity is men, be cast out of the queer and feminist communities. Amen.

love when people become so online in spaces like this where marginalized people are actually the ones dominating the conversations, that they forget what its like in the real world and start making positivity posts for things that are literally 100% unchallenged and normalized irl

[zoethewriter]

My heart is so full. This is one of those bittersweet novels, where the main character's life can have all these heartbreaking moments and they have this sad inner life, struggling with mental illness and rejection and self loathing. But we also see the introduction of silver linings and the slow entry into a fuller outer life with friendships and self love and acceptance. By the end, I really felt quite hopeful for Harley and his future, and proud of the progress he'd made.

On the other hand, I was quite in love with Muddy. And I know that healthy masculinity is a fantasy but man, reading about wonderful salt of the earth, simple men in fiction is a dream and I don't mind it one bit. It was such a joy to get to experience this character and how he sees the world and his friends, and how he expresses his love and support. Ugh

This story about self acceptance and growth and male friendship really touched me,  and I've left it with a big smile.

[littlemissidontcare]

Seb is such a good sport and the furthest thing from homophobic, but he gets so visibly uncomfortable at those questions. Tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if he found it a little insulting after awhile, considering how much thought he’s put into Bucky’s story and his friendship with Steve. It’s such a closed-minded thing to look at a strong male friendship and assume that they’re gay. // THANK YOU. I think it takes so much away from the fight against toxic masculinity. Stucky shippers call anyone who doesn't fuel Stucky homophobes, but in doing so what they're really saying is that men are uncapable of nurturing a healthy and caring friendship with other another man. Men have to be either toxic or gay. There's no middle ground. Also, they always say that TWS and CW tell such a love story because the lengths that Steve was willing to go to save Bucky and to stand up for him, but what the hell was he supposed to do?? He would be a really shitty and unloyal friend if he didn't do any of that. It would go against everything Steve Rogers represent.

[just-another-frender-blog]

Futurama's politics have issues at times, but man--watching it as a kid, I did NOT appreciate how progressive Fry and Bender's friendship is. Even now, you don't see a lot of close male friendships like that. Fry and Bender live together, work together, show each other affection (even saying "I love you"), hate being separated and never treat love interests as a replacement. That's especially insane for a character like Bender who people (wrongfully) see as a toxic masculinity poster boy.

The wild thing about their relationship was that I not only thought it was very wholesome for an adult cartoon, but it's also very unique on its own. Male friendship is very prevalent in American media, but the relationship between these two is surprisingly complex. I think part of that is because it's far from perfect, or even "healthy," but the neat thing about Futurama is that its interpersonal relationships are like that. They feel like real relationships to me, and it's rewarding to see them grow as the series progresses. The characters are great on their own, but the way they play off each other really allows them to reach their full potential.

And about the part about love interests--I love how they don't let love interests get in the way of their friendship. Well, at least Fry doesn't; Bender can be very jealous about that, especially in Beast With a Billion Backs. However, I think that Bender has a hidden respect for Leela, and they both care about Fry a lot. He's their boy. On the shippy side of things, I would love it if Frender became canon, but that doesn't mean I want Freela to break up. I want to see all three of them can make it work as a poly couple in the 31st century (and from the few Freeler fics I've found, domestic Freeler is so adorable and underrated). I know it's not going to happen, but one can dream!

I think that if I watched Futurama as a kid, I would probably feel differently about Fry and Bender's relationship. I watched it as a queer adult and I feel way more comfortable about my own sexuality now than I did as a teen. I know that most pieces of media that I enjoy aren't made for people like me, and sometimes that can be a depressing reality. However, getting to see myself in the things I love regardless can be very empowering, even if it is all in my head. I definitely see myself in Fry and Bender as a queer person and a (probably) neurodivergent person, even if that's not how they're meant to be read.

And as a bonus: I also really connected with Leela's struggles to be taken seriously as a woman!!! She's a mutant (so not "conventionally attractive"), she's physically stronger than men, and she works as a pilot! And she learns how to find herself, and that she doesn't need to change herself to fit a traditional mold. I don't know about you guys, but Leela's character arc screams queer to me. I've even seen trans women say that they really connect with Leela, and I can see why. I love this aspect of her character and I hope we get to see it celebrated in the revival.

[critical-thinking-is-mandatory]

Ok the respectfully loving LB thing made me think of something. I think we can agree that Luka not pushing Mari is super respectful and healthier than Adrien's "she'll love me one day" attitude, and I can't help but wonder, why did the writers make that decision? Like, let's say Luka's and Adrien's personalities were switched so that Luka is pushy while Adrien is respectful. The endgame ship would also be the healthier option. Why would the writers make the endgame problematic?

i mean, obvs i'm not a mind reader, but i think it's most likely because Adrien is designed to be 'perfect' and it just so happens that in the ideal vision of the patriarchy, Adrien is perfect.

Adrien is a Man's Man, he is a Hunter, the Pack Alpha, Alpha Male, Manly Man's Man. Adrien Takes What He Wants because He Is A Man 😤

ok ok i'm done now. anyway, i've touched on this before but i'll go into more detail today.

so, the patriarchy is a thing, toxic masculinity is highly valued in a lot of circles, and Adrien is essentially the creators' pet, who embodies a lot of the values of toxic masculinity. Adrien is straight, white, rich, and a cis guy. we are not allowed to think anything else about him, because anything else would mean Adrien isn't perfect.

Adrien:

has violent angry outbursts (that are always justified)

has jealous outbursts (which are always validated)

doesn't exhibit emotional vulnerability

is Determined (aka will not take no for an answer)

ignores his love interest's wishes (because He is Right)

always has the moral high ground (especially when he's wrong)

women/girls want him and everyone else wants to be him

these are ALL prime examples of the shit that is applauded and idealised under the patriarchy. these things tell us (in a patriarchy) that Adrien is a strong, confident, masculine man who can and will fight for his #woman 😤

a lot of ya fiction falls into this trap of an abusive/shitty LI (love interest) but aside from twit-light this is the most obvious example i've ever seen. ever.

it's this, this dumb ideal of the Perfect Man being a stone-faced warrior and hunter and sex god whose only emotion is #violence. Perfect Men don't cry, or treat other people like human beings, they don't talk about their feelings, or have real, deep friendships with their male friends. the only woman they respect is their mum etc. etc.

it is immensely clear that, because Asstruck has claimed Adrien is perfect time and time again, that the creators know exactly what they're doing and they like it.

so, Luka on the other hand is this:

passive/laid-back (instead of hunting his #woman down like a wounded animal)

paints his nails, dyes his long hair ('feminine' or 'gay' aka weak behaviour)

comforts Marinette when she's upset and expects nothing in return (only gay men wouldn't take advantage of an emotionally vulnerable girl😤😤 aka weakness)

Luka respects Marinette's boundaries and lets her take the lead (aka he doesn't really want her)

is comfortable in his masculinity (or lack thereof, idk)

so like, between Marinette's interests, we have the Ideal One who is the patriarchal ideal of a #Manly Man and therefore is the only correct option, and we have the Experimental Tryst who is Wrong and Bad and Weak. Adrien is the Perfect Guy and Luka is Bad For Her.

ok so we, a (relatively) objective audience know that Adrien is a Shitty Guy and adr!nette would be a Shitty Unhealthy relationship, but the creators don't care. they are perfectly capable of writing a great male LI...when they want to make Marinette look like an idiot for straying away from Adrien.

in THEIR minds Adrien is the perfect, ideal partner for Marinette. the creators don't give a rat's hairy asscrack about healthy relationships. that would mean they'd have to think long and hard about how they treat the women in their lives and realise, hey, they are the Bad Guys. they are Wrong. and people don't like being wrong.

anyway i hope this helps you understand/answers your question/s anon

[ellesliterarycorner]

What My Followers Want to See More of in Female Characters

My favorite thing in my WIP is all the badass female characters I have. I love writing about the bonds, friendships, relationships, and rivalries between them. It makes my little heart so happy! And, I will be the first person to admit that I hadn’t even thought of some of the things you guys suggested on our little instagram poll, but I cannot wait to add some of them to my story! Even though we’ve made so many leaps and bounds with the way female characters are portrayed, I still think we’ve got a long way to go, and if you guys include half of the stuff you suggested in your stories, then I think we’re gonna be okay. Once again, I didn’t change anything that you guys wrote, so there are gonna be some repeats on the list, but this time just because the list was getting so long, I did take out a few things if I saw that several other people had suggested it!

“Nerdy” or sporty girl who gets a love interest without a makeover or changing herself 

super girly femme characters shown as a complex person

making her own decisions, if good or bad

a strong female character without a tragic backstory 

gender non conformity!! 

Being openly children and not changing her mind about it

chubby and flaws and not having a crush with every cute boy they see 

girlie girls who are still really powerful 

self reliance but still having emotion, not being ice cold but not needing a a man 

lesbians who’s entire character arc isn’t about them being a lesbian 

having body insecurities eg wanting to be flat-chested

women in politics and women that have classic “man” as well as “woman” characteristics 

independence 

be less oblivious lol and more like real people who pick up hints 

not dead caring moms.

comic relief female characters

not minding about liking “girly” things/ having a bunch of friends who are boys but there is no romance between them 

being a mother doesn’t mean giving up ur dreams and settling for less,

having mcs that actually make smart decisions 

a bad ass character that loves kids and wants to have them in the future

not taking abuse cause they think it’s love 

ball gowns and pretty stuff for themselves and not for a mission or anything 

more bold female characters since many females are shown as shy 

having a big appetite 

female characters who can be cool without having to wield swords 

willingness to do domestic work with a cheerful heart 

women whose strength is their intelligence 

women who are not afraid to be feminine or strong 

strong mother figures 

girls that are the lead in their relationship over the boy 

more actual girly interests 

the women you least expect to sing the best 

strong women who like feminine stuff 

being happy without a romantic relationship 

black females being protected or vulnerable for once 

ending up single 

hanging out with male friends with no romantic subtext 

females who aren’t super pretty

ultra femininity (pink, dresses, glitter, makeup) that isn’t seen as bad/evil/weak 

allow them to look up to/admire male peers rather than feel inferior or as if they have something to prove 

traditional “femininity” isn’t regarded as weak! Can cook/sew/clean and it’s normal : )

Female characters who are funny and make quips 

soft, kind women, who are still powerful. I don’t like the mean strong girl stereotype : (

Not forced strong women. Just relatable and human ones. We all have strengths and weaknesses 

less insecurities. Yes, we all have those, but it’s becoming stereotypical, mostly in YA 

I want them to be strong without being upright bossy 

strong women who also embrace their feminine side 

a girl with menstruation

ego actions- I feel like only male characters can throw ego actions while fem characters are classified selfish 

nonbinary female characters 

has a twin 

sarcasm and general impoliteness without making them the bady guy 

them being warriors or soldiers and that’s normal, nobody questions it 

villains and manipulating 

autistic female characters 

being single throughout the story. Some people like being single, thank you very much 

not being the perfect pretty little thing. Having an interesting personality and thoughts, dreams outside of relationships and being a badass 

a morally grey female character like y r those only men 

girls and women in healthy relationships with personalities aside from their S/O

girls who can be strong and confident while still being emotionally vulnerable 

also, girls who own huge “aggressive” dog breeds

groups of girls doing really impulsive things together like all guy friend groups do 

strong, but not jerks about it and not looking down on things like sewing/cooking/etc 

shyness that doesn’t need to be “fixed” or overcome 

well written romances- straight and gay (ie not ones that objectify one partner or the other) 

“strong female characters” who are gentle and caring! Tough doesn’t mean heatless! 

women who care more about the plot than their inconvenient love life 

girls who empower other girls and don’t play into internalized misogyny 

i’d love to see women putting forward their ideas and having their voices heard more : )

Strong in their own way, not just hands on fighting stuff. Like mentally strong 

less who are arrogant and rude to the male protagonists who they fall in love with anyway 

More LGBTQ+ women! 

Oh and more female protagonists who stay single 

being average looking, not a hot model and being okay with it 

Not falling for “bad boys” 

saving herself or another character from a dangerous situation 

not wanting marriage or children and people being okay with it 

not obsessed with  looks 

being good at math and sciences 

not being sexualized constantly (or at all) 

being just friends with straight male characters 

being like other girls 

having a life outside of romance 

to not need a man, but also not to be a stereotypical “bad girl, I don’t need man” authors need to find a medium between the two 

drinking, swearing, anything deemed “masculine” 

confident women who embrace both their femininity and masculinity

empowering other women

somebody with variety of interests and skills that are shown to be important to her badass female characters who are genuinely kind/even loving 

strong women who don’t discredit the model of the ideal woman of the time in historical fiction 

older women protagonists! I’d love to read about middle aged female heroes

females that aren’t afraid to be themselves 

strength without being a “baddie” or at the expense of others 

emotional sensitivity that isn’t linked to mental illness, men, or a weakness in character 

a chaotic neutral female protagonist 

physically strong/skilled female characters that remain feminine and aren’t femme fatales 

female characters that don’t particularly fit into a trope as that’s not really realistic

[lesbianmarrow]

thinking about gender and legends of tomorrow 5.08 “romeo v juliet: dawn of justness”

at the heart of this episode is the ray & nate friendship, which has for a long time been interested in examining and defying gender stereotypes. on a team whose members are mostly either queer, women, or both, what does it mean for these two straight men to have such a strong yet nonsexual friendship? the show repeatedly characterizes this bond as mutually healthy and supportive, with ray and nate often showing their affection for each other through hugs and i-love-yous. and yet, because they are both heterosexual men, their friendship can only be temporary. as heterosexual men, both characters aim to eventually get married to women, and when that happens their friendship will no longer be a priority for either of them. so as much as the show strives to defy gender stereotypes with ray & nate’s friendship, its unwavering choice to portray them both as straight men forces it to stick to heteronormative life trajectories for them. 

like i’ve said before, it makes perfect sense that ray & nora getting married would require them to leave the ship. because marriage is rooted in patriarchal societal norms, and the legends very literally exist outside of that society and its rules. so to get married is to choose a life within society over a life outside of it. it’s clear that ray wants to begin his married life with nora, but he is also sad to leave behind his friendship with nate. because he knows that their kind of male bonding can’t exist when ray is married. it can only exist on the waverider. 

the show sets up this idea of boys vs girls pretty early on, when the boy team goes off on the mission while the girl team stays behind. i find it interesting that charlie is included in the boy team - she has to come along for plot reasons, but i feel like it also points at her queerness and specifically her implicit transness. we have our bachelor and bachelorette parties, and both show us the joy of this kind of homosociality. each group has fun in their own way - the boys get drunk and start a fight, the girls get drunk and dance. as joyous as it is for both parties, the celebrating has to come to an end abruptly so the legends can fix time. this kind of gender-segregated bonding can’t last forever if nora and ray want to move on with their lives. 

the show then complicates its depictions of gender and gender roles when two of its characters crossdress for the romeo & juliet performance. first we see ava in the role of the prince, wearing men’s clothing complete with a codpiece and fake goatee. ava already defies gender roles just by being a lesbian, so seeing her crossdress isn’t all that surprising. this isn’t the first time the show has placed ava in a masculine role, although it’s never been this blatant before. then we see nate as juliet, in his dress and wig and makeup. as a heterosexual man, nate is placed in a feminine role far less often, but it happens occasionally. ava and nate crossdressing for the romeo & juliet performance underscores the queerness and the fluidity of gender roles which possible on the waverider but not in regular society. ray isn’t involved in this gender-bending performance because he has already chosen heterosexual marriage, which does not permit such gender fluidity. 

scenes of ray preparing to leave and nate running after him are juxtaposed with constantine and zari as romeo & juliet performing the balcony scene (side note: since constantine is bisexual, it’s interesting to have him as romeo first wooing a juliet played by a man, then a juliet played by a woman). t it’s very obvious that romeo & juliet declaring their love for each other is being paralleled with ray & nate telling each other that they love each other as they say goodbye. the reason romeo & juliet can’t be together is because of their families’ rivalry. but the reason ray & nate can’t be together is because of their heterosexuality. though they love each other dearly, ray has chosen the rigid conventions of heterosexual marriage over the queer possibilities of the waverider, and that means his friendship with nate has to end. nate is still partly in his juliet costume when he says goodbye to ray, showing that even though nate is heterosexual, being on the waverider allows him to flirt with queerness in a way that ray will no longer be able to. 

ultimately, this episode honors and appreciates homosocial bonding, but maintains that for heterosexual characters, heterosexual marriage is necessary for true growth, and this marriage precludes the deep homosocial bonds and the fluidity of gender roles which are possible on the waverider. i feel a bit disappointed in the show’s inability to imagine a heterosexuality that isn’t bound to suffocating gender roles and allows for central same-gender friendships, but i do appreciate the consistent coding of the waverider and the legends as a team as queer. 

[epic-sorcerer]

Merlin would have been so much more gay if the writers stayed true to Celtic paganism(the historicaly accurate “old religion”)

Trigger warnings:

Main triggers: talk of sex, homophobia, religion, Catholics, colonization, anti Celtic, murder

Mention triggers: rape and sexual assault, creepy men, gore, insest, toxic masculinity

I will mark the sections with quick triggers with 2 red lines. Below the second one is when the trigger is gone.

_____________

I am posting this on December 21st, as today is the Winter Solstice, a Celtic Pagan holiday. It will be posted at 3:33 PM, as 3 is a sacred number among the celts. Because of the special occasion, I will be speaking on a subject that was important to many of them—homosexuality.

Some stuff first for introductions. Yes, yes, I know this may be boring but it helps with context. This religion didn’t have a name other than Celtic pagan or Celtic religion bc it seams everyone there believed it. This was until the Roman Empire concurred what is now the UK. Since Rome had adopted Christianity—more specifically, Roman Catholocism—they only allowed that religion to be practiced.

———(genocide)——

Once England was concurred in 43 A.D, the pagans were killed and their religion was surpressed. Not much is known about the pagans for this reason. However, we do know somethings from what the Romans have written down. Although, it is biased, as they believed the celts to be barbaric and also didn’t wright much about women.

——gore ——

First, we know they preformed human sacrifice on kings when the kingdom suffered along with some other groups.This could be from bad ruling to really bad weather. These kings died horribly, as they seamed to be stabbed multiple times, had thier nipples cut off, and left to die in a bog.

They had thier nipples cut off because the subjects would suck on the kings’ nipples to demonstrate submission, so cutting them off would fully dethrone the king.

—————

Now, background over. Here’s where it gets good.

Nipple sucking between too lovers or ‘special friends’ was seen as a preclemation of love, physical intimacy, and sexual expression. This, like other types of sex, was seen as something beutiful and sacred. Often, male soldiers would have these ‘special friend’ relationships with many fellow soldiers in groups. The Romans even observed that Celtic men seamed to prefer other males for love/sexual interest over women.

Nipple sucking was mostly described was between two men. Although, we must recognize that women may have been left out of written history. I would also like to point out, this may prove that aromantic people existed in that time, as these ‘special friends’ had sex and were not mentioned to be romantically involved.

The celts were known for their sex positivity and even eroticism because they loved it so much.This is one of the reasons why the pagans and the Chatholics clashed so badly.

Before the Romans really took over, Saint Patrick—yes, the Saint Patrick—started to try to convert the celts into Roman catholosim. He was appalled at the wide acceptance of polyamory(women were aloud to marry however many people they wanted) and homosexual relationships/marriages. Not to mention the celts could have sex with any one at any time as long as it is consensual.

——(Tw creepy men)——

That means no waiting til marriage, unless a Celtic chose to do so. Although we should take into consideration a statement made by Diodorus Siculus, an antient Greek historian, that “the young men will offer themselves to strangers and are insulted if the offer is refused.” In his series Bibliotheca historica. This could mean that either creepy men were comman place, or that homosexuality was so comman and done with everyone, it was wierd to be rejected.

————

Getting back to the Roman Catholics, the book Sextus Empiricus is published in the early 3th century and states,

“...amongst the Persians it is the habit to indulge in intercourse with males, but amongst the Romans it is forbidden by law to do so...”

It also goes on to say,

“...amongst us sodomy is regarded as shameful or rather illegal, but by the Germanic they say, it is not looked on as shameful but as a customary thing.”

For clarification, Germany is apart of Celtic society. So what we can infer is a very serious culture shock in terms of Rome and other places. ��During Emporor Serverus Alexander’s reign, openly homosexuals were deported.

In early 4th century, Emporor Constaine—the first Christian Roman Emperor—destroyed an Egyptian temple populated exclusively by femme, gay, pagan, priests. The Emproror then went on to eradicate all of them. However in 337 A.D., 3 emperors ruled, including Constantius II and Constans I, who where both in mlm relationships.

An odd thing these emporors went on to do was criminalize male bottoming during mlw sex 342 A.D.. 8 years later, Emperors Valentinian II, Theodosius I, and Arcadius ferther punished this act by killing these men by Public burning at the stake.

———(Tw toxic masculinity)———

I believe this was because masculinity was very important and a man acting in a more feminine role was seen as emasculating and humiliating. For the average man, he had to fight and defend his masculinity. Not doing so was seen as a personal failure.

——————

The last ever known peice of European literature containing a positive representation of homosexuality for 1,000 years was a large epic poem by Nonnus of Panopolis. It was titled Dionysiaca and the first part was published in 390 A.D., the last in 405 A.D..

So yeah, The catholics were very selective in terms of sex. One can only imagine how badly the celts and Catholics clashed. Back to 435 A. D., Saint Patrick began to preach Catholism and around that time wrote in his Confessio. He recounted that he found a boat to get out of Ireland and refused to suck on the nipples of those aboard.

“And on the same day that I arrived, the ship was setting out from the place, and I said that I had the wherewithal to sail with them; and the steersman was displeased and replied in anger, sharply: ‘By no means attempt to go with us.’ Hearing this I left them to go to the hut where I was staying, and on the way I began to pray, and before the prayer was finished I heard one of them shouting loudly after me: ‘Come quickly because the men are calling you.’ And immediately I went back to them and they started to say to me: ‘Come, because we are admitting you out of good faith; make friendship with us in any way you wish.’ (And so, on that day, I refused to suck the breasts of these men from fear of God, but nevertheless I had hopes that they would come to faith in Jesus Christ, because they were barbarians.) And for this I continued with them, and forthwith we put to sea.”

—(Tw very mild rape/sex assault mention—

So, as you can see, Celtic and Catholic ways clashed horribly. Something seen as good and sacred to the indigenous tribes was seen as barbaric and sinful to Saint Patrick. Also, don’t worry, the celts did not press the issue ferther, or else this would be a very different story.

—————

This only snowballed into a much bigger issue much later in medival English sexuality. They were VERY picky on what sex was aloud. Missionary was the only aloud position and it has to be the least pleasurable as possible. Making out and masturbation wasn’t aloud either, as that was also seen as a sin. Here’s a low Rez chart to help figure out when sex was okay.

While we are discussing such a queer topic, I would like to bring up the topic of Anam Cara, or Soul Friends in Antient Celtic culture. A Soul Friend was a word used to describe a Philosophy in which one is not completely whole without thier “other half.” This person can be in a platonic, romantic, or familiar kind of love. Really, all it boils down to is that 2 poeple were made to be together since the beginning of time and will be at thier strongest when they become companions.

There is a Celtic legend that seams to depict a mlm Anam Cara relationship. It tells the story of Cuchulainn and Ferdiad, two male worriors who have known and loved each other a long time. But they must kill each other in a duel. Both are vary reluctant, as at least one of them will have to die.

————(Tw insest)———

Before I go on, it is important to mention there is a lot of debate on wether or not this is homosexual. Mainly because they were foster brothers, but since insest wasn’t as much of a taboo, I do not think this would be as much of a set back as it is today.

—————

They had tried to kill each other each day for 3 days, but they ended up hugging each other and kissing 3 times. On the fourth day, however, Cuchulainn killed Ferdiad. The man then holds Ferdiad in his arms and sings peoms for a long time. Here are some:

“We were heart-companions once,

We were comrades in the woods,

We were men that shared a bed

When we slept the heavy sleep

After hard and weary fights.

Into many lands, so strange,

And side by side we sallied forth

And we ranged the woodlands through,When with Scathach we learned arms!”

Heart companions seams to be similar or the same as soul freind, because of how it’s used. Although sleeping in the same bed isn’t inherently sexual, Cuchulainn then goes on to complement Ferdiad’s physical features.

“Dear to me thy noble blush,

Dear thy comely, perfect form;

Dear thine eye, blue-grey and clear,

Dear thy wisdom and thy speech”

Although this is deeply sweet I would also like to caution that Chuhulainn may have simply been commenting on his healthiness, but blush is an odd word considering he is now dead.

Two male lovers, one dead in the other’s arms. Soul friends, maybe. Reminds me of a certain show..I don’t know I just can’t put my finger on it...

I would also like to point out that because Celtics did not pressure others to have sex, and that a soul friend can be any type of love, I do think that an asexual or someone on that spectrum could live without judgment.Unfortunately, I could not find much about intersex, androgynous, or trans people. Perhaps if I find anything in the future and will make a new post.

In conclusion, if Merlin were more historicaly accurate, he definitely would have been queer. Especially because he is said to be magic itself, it would make sense for him to be the personification of Celtic values. That may include homosexuality, because as previously stated, Celtic men really liked other men.

I’m excited to see what will come of this post, seeing as not a lot of people in the fandom seem to know this. More fanfiction? More fanart? It would probably inspire a lot of creators. So, if you do make something because of this post, please notify me in the notes, an ask, an @ or something. Basically anything but a PM. I would be happy to see/read the creation.

Sources:

Sexuality and love in Celtic society:

Same Sex Celts

Druid Thoughts: of Sex and Druids

Anam Cara, what’s a soul mate?

Sexuality in Ancient Ireland

The Celts, Women, and Sex

LGBT history

Sexuality and love in Medival Society:

Getting down and medival: the sex lives of the Middle Ages

Sex in the Middle Ages

Here’s What Sex Was Like In Medieval Times. It’ll Make You Feel Glad You Weren’t Born Back Then!

General Celtic Society:

Who Were the Celts

Celtic Religion and Belieifs

Saint Patrick

17 Things You Probably Didnt know about Saint Patrick

Confession of Saint Patrick

Cuchulainn and Ferdiad

Cuchulainn and Ferdiad, Gay Lovers?

The Combat of Ferdiad and Cuchulain

Insest in Antient Celtic Society

Ancient Irish elite practiced incest, new genetic data from Neolithic tomb shows

Homosexuality in the Roman Empire

Timeline of LGBT history

Timeline of LGBT history in the United Kingdom

[the-master-maid]

“Why do people insist on reading queerness into Frodo and Sam? It’s such an important and close male friendship. I suppose men aren’t allowed to be just friends”

One argument that I see over and over, mostly from (and I am assuming) cishet men, is that they crave and need to see constructive love and friendship between men that is platonic because it shows a more healthy masculinity - and that they love Frodo and Sam’s friendship for this. This is such an important point, that Tolkien allows for other masculinities. Dare I say, better ones than are often portrayed in Anglo-American (and other) cultures. But I think there is a bit of an assumption that to find better masculinity, you have to find platonic masculinity - that a queer masculinity needs to be vehemently pushed aside in order to realize better masculinities. But the upshot of this is that queerness is still seen as something to be feared. There’s lots of loving relationships between male characters in lotr that can easily be read as platonic, merry and pippin, bilbo and Frodo, Frodo and merry, I could go on (but won’t as I’m tired). But Frodo and Sam are written as a love story. Molly Ostertag’s new essay on polygon lays out a lot of good arguments for why the Frodo and Sam relationship should be read as queer. One being that Frodo and Sam’s relationship is overtly compared to that of Galadriel and celeborn’s in the completed but unpublished epilogue. This, after everything else is a rather clear signal. So what do we do, when we see that one of the only representations of intimate and loving male relationships turn out to be (arguably) queer? I would ask cishet men to start looking to some aspects queer masculinities - such as being able to directly express love and affection as simply being healthy examples of how to be a man (a male person? Just a person?)

It’s not the existence of queer people or a queer Frodo and Sam that make it so men can’t show affection towards each other; it’s toxic masculinity and homophobia that does that.