#man having kids really changes a person.
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id like to thank ninjago episode snake jaguar for everything but nothing all at the same time
#alek art#lego ninjago#ninjago#sensei wu#ninjago wu#zane julien#previous master of ice mention#2024#(going to do this everytime) FOR CONTEXT : dr juliens 1st death and garms banishment took place in a similar time frame#so wu wouldve been young when he met zane for the first time#also i am very aware zane is ooc here ! prior to getting his powers and them actually settling in his body and mind.. he was a bit of a#jackass in my eyes. we see bits and pieces of zane snark in the series itself BUT like. dr julien described zane as acting different post#getting his powers. and we know elemental powers can mess with how someone behaves. kai being a hot head... so yeah#really wise whimsical old man stuck in the body of a 19 year old#VERSUS#egocentric grown ass man with no friends who lives in the woods and is a robot#they become friends. zane calls wu 'kid' every sentence#i forgot that wu doesnt visit zane often in canon. uhhh basically in my version bc avg zane fan thing to change canon: wu goes to dr julien#house and sees zane. he knew ice had 'gifted' zane his powers and how that could really fuck up a person. he shows up everyday for a week o#two and him and zane talk while zane swims or cuts wood or whatever. wu says their house is in the way of his walking path as an excuse#eventually wu stops showing up and dr julien passes and life goes on as we see them in canon#does rhat make any sense at all ? probably not i have a horrific headache#uhh at the time of writing this we are on s7 (on rewatch) so if anything changes ill lyk . lolsies#ask me about them please
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One worldbuilding detail Soul Eater really had going for it was the way they explained everyone having weird, unique and horror-movie inspired names such as Soul Eater, Black*Star, Franken Stein.
The school all these kids attend allows them to sign up with any name they want and to change their names once every six months.
You better believe if I were a thirteen year old with the ability to turn into a scythe and eat monster souls I'd call myself Soul Eater too. "But isn't his original name 'Soul Evans'? That's already a weird first name." He's from a family of musicians. He probably has a cousin called R'n'B.
It also made for the very nice touches in charaterisation where you'd see a character calling himself "Ox Ford" and knew immediately which brand of arrogant, insufferable child-prodigy this guy represented and you'd be absolutely right. Why is there a girl who can turn into a lantern who's name is "Jackie O'Lantern"? Because she's the funniest teenager on the squad.
Shoutout to Maka Albarn for taking her education so seriously she decided to not get herself a fun name, and to Justin Law, who let's say, subverted expectations.
It also just makes total sense for their wacky and non-conforming headmaster to not give a shit about names, or birth names, or gender norms. Death said trans rights, yo.
#bonus points to death the kid who absolutely just kept the name he was given at birth#death was really horrible at naming things#no wonder he just handed that responsibility to the kids#soul eater#soul eater meta#worldbuilding#soul eater just embraced that people are just like that and that a lot of the weirdness in the setting#are characters making conscious aesthetic decisions#why was medusa never caught as a fake nurse despite not changing her name or appearance?#because there is a literal zombie on the teaching staff and it's not the person covered head to toe in bandages#the overwhelmed half-scythe-man having meltdowns in the hallway is the most normal guy here medusa didn't trigger anyone's weirdness radar#they just thought she was a lesbian#that's probably how stein caught her out anyway#shonen anime
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rewatching nowhere boys (yeah sue me i know i know) and i'm lowkey obsessed with how sam isn't even like,,, mean, he starts talking to andy and felix right from the start and isn't insulting or rude to them, he calls them nicknames he uses for the rest of the show, he has a few rude moments and insults but definitely not as much as jake does, who's an actual bully
it's very fascinating to me how sam's ENTIRE arc is really just him getting a reality check and being like "dude you gotta be less selfish", dare i say incredibly adhd coded (hi hello it is me i relate to this so fucking much), and he's right at the age for it too, which fifteen year old hasn't gotten bonked in the head by destiny and told "yo cut it off and think of others", it's genuinely so nice
#nowhere boys#sam conte#idk man i just really really like sam#he's not a dick#he just needed to learn some empathy#and then he did !! and he bettered himself !!#and yeah sure it was mostly to get mia back#but he's a kid#he does get genuinely better and kinder#but !!!#they don't make him sacrifice his quirks#and they don't change his personality#he's still airheaded and kinda self important and doesn't notice others naturally#but he makes the EFFORT to do so throughout the series#idk man i'm just obsessed with how this all is written#they're fascinating to meeeeeeeeeee#@the three people reading this who have been fans of this show for a decade#i get you man i get you#there is so much in here
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another thing i sit here and i think about with the punisher show is that i think a major disappointment for me is that his kids weren't more important than his wife. i think its a mistake to have him be someone more focused on relationships w/ adult women and less focused on making sure kids get to be kids and, most importantly, grow up.
i think it was just so annoying in the show that they made him flashback to his wife constantly and it was always like sexual tension and w/e bc i think..... i think its better if hes still there just looking for his daughter. wondering who she would have been. hes looking for his son, fearing what it would mean if he grew up to be just like his father.
i think for one of his grounding things to be his wife asking him to join her, or for him to be in a mental space of having sex with his wife while being tourtured, not only was the scene really fucking weird, i think it was just disappointing. bro was like deployed more often than he was at home with her?
maybe its just because im a daughter who wants the love of a father, but i also just felt as though the love he had for his daughter in daredevil S2 was more powerful than anything they attempted to portray in S1 of the punisher with his wife.
#scarlet witch gets to mourn the children she never even had but the punisher stand alone show couldn't do that.#i didnt watch season 2 maybe that ones better i know he gets a daughter figure in his life or something but i just wasn't inspired to watch#i'll probs watch it at some point tho#the punisher#frank castle#thoughts?!?!!?#anyone?!?!#tips#i think its such a major disappointment that his kids felt so devalued in the show in comparison to daredevil's show#i guess i also just have never felt that frank truly loved his wife in the way a husband should#from the comics and the show. i think he loved her#but i think she more represents the life he thinks hes supposed to have as a 'normal' person than a true love of his life. which i think#is something that happens with a lot of wives. they're not seen as actual people to their husbands but rather just something to make#them feel 'normal' or a 'correct man'#like he has the nuclear family#and it never changed him. not really.#i dont know im rambling and im in class im just really emotional
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i just dont think ur rly a guy if ur willing to get pregnant
Damn good thing the opinion some random bigoted stranger has on my gender has no tangible impact on it then, huh?
#transphobia#lgbtq#transgender#you gonna say this shit to me? in Pride Month??#the way transphobes think their opinion means fuck all to me#you not thinking I'm a man doesn't change the fact that I am#also it's cute you think you're the first person to pull the ''you're not really a man if you want to have kids'' bullshit#I'm autistic and have a history of suicide attempts#adoption is not even in the same room as my table#so I'm using the plumbing I have while I have it#it's called being practical
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Interesting thing about how my brain works is that it assigns colors to people. Like involuntarily. I've looked into person-color synesthesia and I don't think it's that because it's so. Unstable?? But idk. It's interesting
Generally everyone has a "background color" that's usually like, a favorite color, something associated with their name (ie someone named Sky might have a blue background), and then the more I get to know them they get two secondary colors. Extremely rarely someone gets three. I have no idea what the colors even represent but they kind of ebb and flow over the course of the relationship. Sometimes something Happens and one of the colors changes entirely. It's weird. But that's how I see my friends in my head when I talk to them. Like an outline of them filled with their colors
#i think it might just be because of. dissociationdjajdjak#sometimes knowing im talking to a Person is scary so just. colors. you are pretty colors now 👍 JDKQJDK#the only color that seems to have any concrete meaning is this specific shade of blue that seems to represent distance??#a lot of people have the blue at first but it goes away sometimes#idk. brains man HDMAJDKAK#i wonder if i sound like im making this up bc im friends w someone w synesthesia now im NOTNSJDKS#i dont remember when this started but i remember having a thing with 'auras' when i was a kid#which were peoples colors#i still kind of describe them like that. i used to be pissed that the colors would change bc 'auras' werent supposed to do thatBDKAHSKA#now i dont really care though. its just kind of a thing going on in the back of my brain#or maybe this is totally normal and no one talks about it 👍 who know
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That scene from A Tale of Two Stars, from Stan's perspective.
#I imagine its pretty darn scary having your carer/ grunkle beaten up by this random dude from a portal that your grunkle liked#also the 'you didn't tell me you had kids down here' bit Ford looks so guilty like#like he knew he just full on attacked this man - which in his mind is morally fine - but in front of kids? that's where ford draws the line#and stan just looks really sad when he looks at scared Mable#also the r-i-n-g bit is the tinitus caused by Stan's ears slamming into the ground/ dislodging his hearing aid ( and totally#not me deciding that adding the goofy (but still scary) dialogue because it would ruin the tone and also because I hate writing in bubbles#also you all know I had to add the bloodied nose from the story boards what sort of person would I be if I didn't? ;>#when they tell the story it certainly affected Mable but I imagine Stan's joy at seeing his brother being reciprocated by a punch really#imprinted on her I think#she's not scared of loosing dipper until she sees the grunkle she trusts (enough to potentially doom the world as of the last episode)#be so so wrong about his brother - when you see a grown up getting betrayed or being wrong it really impacts a child y'know? so yeah#but I love ford being so caring about children even when he hates his brother and wants nothing more than to slam him repeatedly into a wal#he sees children and immediately changes his attitude#is that because of his parents do you think? did he and stan see or experience physical abuse? is that why he cares so much about these#children not seeing their grunkle getting hurt? Did he see his mother hurt or stan? we all know Filbrick wasn't the best dad ever so...#because as much as stan and ford are jerks to each other they care about Mable and dipper from the moment they saw them and that's just ...#I love them#also I am so surprised by how easily they accept ford into the conversation like I get it for narrative purposes but#someone just attacked your boss/dad or your grunkle/grandpa and even if there were just massive secrets revealed and its like a celebrity (#aka the author) he still punched your boss/dad/grunkle in the face and pinned him to the floor#did no one want to stop that or...#but for real I love how quickly Mable is like 'hey this guys odd and I love his fingers “a full finger friendlier than normal” my heart#anyway I had to draw it so I did#your welcome!#lol#grunkle stan#grunkle ford#dipper pines#mable pines#stanley pines
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i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal
#''poor teachers!!'' yeah well at least they can fucking quit & go work somewhere else#''okay but times are different than when you went to school in the 1970's'' this was 2016 my guy. shut the fuck up#''well maybe you were a violent & severely misbehaving kid!'' i wasn't. i have ADHD & severe anxiety disorder & depression#my biggest crime was being too exhausted & dopamine deprived to do my homework#my dad talks about how he was treated in school & i'm like damn dude i went through the same exact shit#how is it that a majority of teachers & principals are still abusive power-tripping pieces of shit 60 years later#why haven't things changed#well actually the answer is simple & it's because they want disabled people to disappear#& if abled students that simply disagree with the way things are done get caught in the crossfire then that is acceptable#because anyone not fit to make billionaires a billion more dollars should just die!#anyways here are my original tags from that gravity falls post i just reblogged:#I know this is supposed to be an appreciation post but like. ''for being the ''dumb one'' he's surprisingly rational.'' seriously??#as ''the dumb'' but ''surprisingly rational'' one of my family this is THEE biggest misunderstanding & it drives me up the fucking wall#just because a person struggles in one area doesn't mean they're stupid & should be an irrational dumb dumb idiot baby holy fuckkk#sorry to OP but even when people try to ''appreciate'' stuff like this they can't help but throw in insults#simply because they genuinely believe that ''even though you're stupid you SURPRISINGLY act competent sometimes'' is a compliment#I'm less mad about this & more sad that this kind of shit is still so prevalent in 2024#both Stanley & Stanford are smart & competent & rational#they just show it in different ways & exceed in different (sometimes overlapping) subjects#this is normal for human beings but the big societal scam is that if you don't do it in the way Ford does then you're stupid & a failure#& being surprised that Stan is also smart & competent in his own ways is the biggest sing that you fucking fell for it dude#btw before i get @ ed for this. i WAS that kid#i was so much that kid the school actually diagnosed me with stupid & spiteful & i was told to quit while i was ahead (they failed me befor#obviously this is very personal for me but also i don't think people realize the language they use is on purpose & it's used specifically t#& it's still happening right now & that just. makes me wanna cry honestly#like why are people still surprised that people can specialize in something despite bad grades in school#you know. the thing we all know is literally rigged to either put you in jail or in a factory to make billionaires more money.#man sorry for the rant the original spirit of the post is super correct but like fuck HS grade-centric judging of people's entire character#Stan being able to defeat Bill is just not at all surprising if you were him or knew/know someone like him#or really paid any attention at all to the show while watching it
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see i dont think mark ever explicitly told ashe “no you cant go outside and have friends.” i dont think he ever said “stay in your room every day” or “dont go to the store” or “never learn to drive or take the train or go to a restaurant.” what happens, with homeschooling, and especially with homeschooling like ashe’s, is the Rot. the monotony of day-in and day-out where little ever changes. It wasn’t Mark that wouldve kept ashe inside, it was the Sludge. and mark, always going in and out of the house, would have had NO way to know about it. i dont really know where im going w this anymore just. grhehhrgrgr winters family
#pd#i saw someone talk about mark being controlling earlier and ive been thinking about it#hell yeah to any and all interpretations of media im not shitting on it#but it didnt mesh with thr way i see him and its fun to think about#with the lens of homeschooling i think that mark was actually like#excited for ashe#like oh thank god. some social connections that are good at dodging huge murder lasers#surely this will translate to letting them dodge huge murders hands (haha nope)#yes absolutely mark was also plotting some evil little scheme in the background#but then he saw how much ashe CARED for these kids#and promptly threw himself to the wolves to give them a better chance#*tried to lmao that didnt work out#its just really. man. if mark had help or he hadnt been a supervillain or if the book wasnt a problem#i think he wouldve been a Great dad#not just because he loves ashe. but because he was able to recognize that ashe was his own person making choices#and it might not be what mark thought was good for him but making ashe make different choices#would have been worse (and he COULD have done it. memory blitz them and then pretend the kids didnt want to talk to each other)#hes done nasty nasty shit. hes a supervillain. hes entrenched in too-far measures all the time#but#he changed his own behaviour to try to make ashe’s life as good as it could be in this new framework#and thats not something a lot of people can do parent or not
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books that changed my brain chemistry at age 9. tbh.
#the animal povs the magic povs the haunting nature of it the way both povs weave together perfectly in the end#despite feeling so different#i still think about the hummingbird :(#this book isnt really. that related to what im about to say. but i was thinking abt the part where night song and hawk man have their baby#and the prose when hawk man holds his daughter and feeling like his entire worldview was shifting and expanding beyond his comprehension#and it was all centered on his baby and his love for her and augh. i think that passage specifically affected me profoundly#and i dont even want kids. i think its why i like writing parent characters#i should reread this....#echoed voice#wait i forgot to say the thing i wanted to say. i was gonna say that prose is seeping into how i write flamberge and valerie#bc flamberge is like. a terrible person dont get me wrong theyre not a good person. and valerie wouldnt have totally fixed them#but flamberge's entire world shifts when they have their daughter. like they didnt think they were capable of caring for someone that much#but knowing someone as kind as valerie- someone they put in the world and wouldnt exist without them- changes them#they end up loving like they never felt they could before and its like a big step for them for becoming a better person
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19. entry made talking about a simple / normal day.
'dear diary' prompts...
[TRANSCRIPTION: so, i'd like to start this off by saying that i sometimes crave a sense of normalcy more than ever in my life... though i know that people might not expect something like that out of me. you know, because i seem so devoted to my work, i guess. but i have to say that after getting a taste of it today, it's probably when i'm at my happiest. me and jack had spent the day together, which is something we actually rarely get to do. he had told me about this crepe place that had opened up a little while ago and he seemed really eager to go there. so i invited jack to do that this morning and i swear, i hadn't seen him smile that big in a while. which did something funny to my heart.
and by that, i mean you know that feeling you get when you can't contain the love you have for someone? yeah that was pretty much what ended up happening to me; a fuzziness had hit me in the chest. but after we went there, and jack ate an impressive amount of crepes (he was really fond of the nutella and strawberry ones), my son suggested that we see this new movie that came out recently. and it was hard to pass up so of course i said yes. we snuck in some candy and drinks because, honestly, who wants to pay for the overpriced candy they have? not us so we did that and just like i expected... the theater was pretty packed since it was for the new hunger games movie. it was good though!
anyhow, after that, jack wanted to spend some time just hanging out by the water when he did something that surprised me. jack hugged me. and it was really nice, because i can't remember the last time my son gave me one like that. he went on to tell me that he missed 'this part of me.' this got me to thinking that, yeah, i have been treating him not so well for a while. so maybe i ought to change that. jack deserves to have a father who doesn't switch up on him every day, from being mean to being nice.
maybe i'll call my therapist back and tell her i want to start seeing her again. she might've said some things that i didn't like the last time, one of those being that i exhibit behaviors that are typical of sociopaths — but i guess i can make an exception for jack, because he's my little bug.
signed, barton. ]
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#YOUR NEED GREW TEETH: character study.#tw: allusions to mistreatment of children.#sighs... y'all already know what i'm going to say here: barton's relationship with his kids really is complicated because he seems-#to love them in his own 'barton-like' way and this could mean various things from calling them things like 'his little bug' to being-#emotionally manipulative to them and it's like 😬 i just. the fact that barton could acknowledge here that he has treated him TERRIBLY-#in the past does imply that he does hold some sort of self-awareness about how he is severely lacking in the parent department-#but it's not enough for him to make any real changes unfortunately because barton is STILL like this to this day.#with him being super temperamental and hard to predict which is typical of emotionally manipulative / abusive people.#and although he is is pretty much a big ball of anger + unresolved trauma that has helped twist him into the man he is today-#AND it is also a fact that barton has experienced psychotic depression... that doesn't mean that he can blame his past for becoming-#a bad person. i just want to talk about the comment he made here about feeling a 'fuzziness in his chest' though because that is just.#it makes me want to WEEP alright because it makes it clear that barton does have the capacity to love his children in an actually-#healthy and understandable way but he doesn't most of the time and it's like... WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS GAHHH#tw: emotional manipulation.#tw: emotional abuse.#plus i honestly think that barton DID call his therapist at the time back and started to go back to her buttt being told by a mental health#professional that they noticed he lacks empathy is impulsive and seems to take enjoyment out of disrespecting people + breaking laws-#changed his relationship with them. so things were likely never the same again and barton didn't trust her anymore
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Batman has/had some kind of miscommunication going on with every single one of his kids. The bat family is just one big miscommunication trope after the other.
#him and Dick have miscommunication about how they see each other. Bruce sees Dick as a son and Dick sees Bruce as a father#but they didn’t think the other saw them that way so they never told each other. that’s what led to their fights in Dick’s later teenage#years and dick quitting and becoming nightwing. he thought Bruce only saw him as a ward/robin so he thought that as long as he couldn’t be#robin Bruce wouldn’t want him#and if didn’t help when Bruce stopped talking to him when he left. though to Bruce it was because he thought Dick didn’t want to talk to him#and also Dick really needs to tell Bruce like ‘hey you put me on a higher pedestal then you put even yourself which is saying something and#and I don’t like that cuz that’s too much pressure for me. and also since you did it everyone else does it and has done it since I was Robin#and it’s literally just a matter of time before I break from the pressure cuz I’m not fucking Superman and I can’t take it’#and Jason with the whole UTRH thing. you know all Bruce had to say was that he had tried killing the joker over Jason multiple times and#maybe just explain to Jason WHY he doesn’t kill. a simple ‘you’re better than me because if I killed one person I’d kill everyone’#or it could even just be a simple ‘I do love you Jason youre the kid that I felt most comfortable loving’#and also maybe a ‘I don’t think anything changed after my death and that makes my death meaningless which I think goes against your no kill#rule because I hat is the rule of not a reminder taht death means something. and by that logic my death already went against the rule so why#can’t you do it again for the man that murdered me.’ and Bruce needs to make a presentation: ‘all the ways Jason’s death meant something’#and Tim just needs a simple ‘I don’t see you as work I see you as family.’ maybe even a ‘you don’t have to be the grown up in this relati#anymore I’m sorry you were one to begin with. you should’ve always been the child’#now his miscommunication with Damian goes much deeper but I’m one hundred percent sure if they sit down and air out all of their feelings it#would help a lot but I have a feeling that won’t happen#a ‘I have trouble understanding you because both your trauma and compassion run deeper than mine and I also never had to grow up to be a#weapon’ from Bruce and a ‘I don’t understand your optimism and moral stubbornness and easness why is it so easy to be good for u?’#his miscommunication with Cass stems from two things a simple ‘why are you so afraid to show how deeply you love?’ from Cass maybe a#‘I’m jealous of you because you’re better than me not only in fighting but morally and emotionally’ from Bruce should fix it#and Steph— look I’m not even going to TRY to get into that that goes SO much deeer and wider than any one else’s miscommunication#but maybe a ‘you reminded me of Jason at a time where that wasn’t a good thing’ from Bruce should start things up#for Duke a ‘I can never truly understand what you’re going/have gone through and for that I’m sorry’ from Bruce should suffice#maybe also Bruce telling him that just because he sees Duke as a son doesn’t mean he’s trying any less to get Duke his parents back#oh and babs just needs to go up to him and say ‘I don’t like that what happened to me happened for your story and not mine and I don’t like#that you don’t let me make it into my story’ and then Bruce can follow up and say ‘I see so much of myself in you and it makes me worry and#also I can never look at you without feeling guilty cuz you’re right what happened to you happened for MY story so I’m at fault’#then the two can go back to being too much like each other and sitting at their respective computers
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when i was younger and hung out around my uncle a lot more than i do now, i remember whenever he referred to things regarding his native heritage, he always just called it "indian". called himself an indian, called the words he taught us indian, so on. since i was a little kid who didn't know any better, i didn't know that "indian" in the context of indigenous americans was a very broad, frankly bastardized term to paint a vast variety of cultures spanning two whole damn continents with one brush. it only occurred to me as i got much older than i was at the time that there'd be more than one "indian" language, and up until now since i had no idea what tribe(s) he even is i couldn't even begin to know where to look unless i found a download of every goddamn interlingual dictionary available and painstakingly checked every godddamn one for what their word for "thunder" is
the word he taught us meant thunder was hiloha. i didn't even know how to spell it until now, because he only ever said it aloud. literally just a few minutes ago, i decided to ask my grandma (his sister) if we knew what tribe(s) he belonged to. and apparently he's a mix of choctaw and makah. which gave me a lead, which led to me finding a dictionary on libgen, which led to me word searching "thunder" in the choctaw to english dictionary. it's the only word i remember him teaching us, and i'm unsure if he ever tried teaching us others. but it was his dogs name, and he was a damn good boy, so i remembered it clear as day. though, they normally shortened it to "hilo".
so, i guess what came out of this is that i now know a bit more about my uncle's heritage, and where to look for more research. so, if you're gonna have a takeaway from this, i'd appreciate it if you remembered the word "hiloha". it means thunder. and aside from being the name of a very good boy who deserves to be remembered, i think it's even more important to remember the histories, cultures, and of course the languages of all the indigenous folks who came before us and did their damndest to preserve their cultures in spite of it all.
#honestly a bit unsure if he was just simplifying it all down for us little idiot kids or not#regardless i think it's an important memory to keep alive#writing this up got me thinking about my time spent over at his place when i was real young. we spent a thanksgiving or two over there#both him and his wife were alcoholics at the time. she probably still is but she's been out of their lives for a while#i remember huddling in the corner with my cousin and my mom while they both fought. i distinctly remember her slapping him over the head#with a TV remote. not a very happy thanksgiving that one#it occurred to me while remembering this that there's definitely some kind of bitter irony to a white woman abusing a native man and his so#on thanksgiving. not even mentioning just a (mostly) native family having a bad thanksgiving in general. a bitter memory all around#god she was a cunt. talked shit about welfare queens and people on food stamps while me and my mom bought her food with our food stamps#claimed to be a vegetarian because how much she loved animals but still regularly ate bacon#i definitely don't remember my uncle being perfect in that relationship but i also definitely remember her being far worse#i'm almost certain it was mutual abuse but there's definitely a reason why my uncle's still in my cousin's life and mother isn't#aside from the fact that she did in fact abandon them and start a new family#as far as i know my uncle's recovered from his alcoholism and she hasn't. which itself wouldn't be a sin if she wasn't also naturally just#nasty piece of vaguely human looking garbage even without the alcohol#the way i understand it alcohol usually doesn't change who a person is at their core. it just amplifies who they already are#my grandpa's a very loving man and while i've never seen him get outright drunk i'm told he's very sweet and cuddly#saying this feels like a bit of a blanket statement but i definitely feel like for the most part if someone is an abusive piece of shit#while drunk they're also a lot more likely to be an abusive piece of shit sober#i've heard that some people are sweet and kind sober and turn nasty when drunk. i've never seen that firsthand but i'm sure it's entirely#possible. i can't speak whether it actually reveals who they really are or what. i'm not a psychologist#im rambling. oh well!#i'm glad that my cousin and uncle seem to be in a better place now. got their shit together#that's what matters
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the villainess flips the script is a really fun manhwa with gorgeous art and my wonderful son luca who is a little bitch who i love so much BUT i will say. the family tree situation as the story has gone on makes my head hurt
#luca buddy im sorry ur family tree has at least one circle in it#somehow the most. ethical? incest? his parents were unknowing um. second cousins? hold on i need to work this out#are they second cousins or are they first cousins once removed. i need to consult charts#I THINK they were second cousins. lets go with that. okay so they were second cousins who didnt know they were second cousins#accidentally having a drunken one night stand and thats how luca came to be. no personal relation and apparently risk of like#genetic issues goes down with second cousins. so i guess its like. the most um. 'ethical'? it could possible be. but still :(#but also luca love interest is his second cousin too maybe? the kid of his blond great uncle???? i dont know man#all so the main character can turn out to be secretly royalty orz TOO COMPLICATED too complicated#although i guess this is how a lot of historical royal and noble families were tho. a bit circular.#that is something i would change tho if i wrote this. first of all i would make judith his bio mom instead of pretending#because i think a fl who had a drunken one night stand the dead playboy brother of her LI is just really interesting LOL#but also i would just like. remove her relation to the royal family entirely#but thats me personally. i find the main character finding out about secret royal blood trope suuuuper boring LOL#but it is common in stories like this so i deal. but in this case i would absolute strike out that plotline. maybe give it to#luca instead like make him look oddly like his great grandma and make the former king obsess over him instead#we'd still get a lot of the same plot beats because of judiths relation to him but just without the loopy family tree JKSDJHDKs#ALSO also i would make lucas relationship with rudiger stronger. NOT SAPPIER like the original in universe novel i like the difference#but i would make them closer in like a shitty uncle who sucks that you hang out with anyway and the shitty nephew u lovingly bully#sort of way. if that makes sense. one problem i have with a lot of villianess stories that have a kid in it is when the love interest like#doesn't have much of a relationship with the kid. i think its lame. i want them to be CLOSE not just like mild coworkers#but thats just me. thats just me#despite all i just said i still really like it. rudiger is cute luca is my baby boy who i love so much and judith is so silly and i love he#great characters even if i would personally alter their relationships
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I just want to meet someone who looks at me and says “you know what, you’re right” about all the things I believe most deeply at my core and who wants to live them with me and next to me in a complementary way.
#this isn’t about religion because that isn’t about me being ‘right’#but you know what it IS about politics#and I am tired of living in the barren wasteland of being absolutely alone on the subject#and I have just run up against the limits of my own personality and how far I can push#and I just want someone else#there#who understands and who can do the other piece of it somehow#I don’t care what life is happening around me if there is a core I can go back to#if I knew that there was someone who loved me and who understood#really understood#and wanted the same things#gosh it would just change so much. it would change everything#anyway my heart hurts#a random thought for today#what is the point of a man who cannot protect me from my own anxiety and the poison of political screeds#haha just kidding I know total protection isn’t possible#but I wouldn’t need total. just a little shelter.#sometimes I believe it could be possible and sometimes I don’t and that is just the human condition#sometimes I feel like it has to happen because otherwise I will never have courage to undertake all the things I need to/want to#and sometimes I feel like I will have to find the courage without it#probably a little of both#there is no point in talking about this or in talking in such random half-circles#except it makes me feel better so.#thanks for listening etc.
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goddd botw makes me a little bit insane. link going through the story and meeting all of these people who use to know him. he doesn't remember. but they talk about him, "you used to train me!" "we were kids together" "I always looked up to you". they have lived a whole life while he's been asleep. he has not changed.
#is it obvious i just got to zoras domain. be honest#SORRY IT JUST REALLY GETS ME!!!#hearing so many people say how they trained with link when they were young and how he taught them and was always a mentor#how much they strove to be like him and now here they are#and it makes me claw at the walls thinking about link who doesn't remember them or any of what happened and who also is now#awake and at the same point he was 100 years ago#while everyone else has grown and aged and improved. maybe even surpassed what he taught them#but they will still view him in their minds eye as the person he was to them as a kid#and he still is!! that same person!!! but they aren't the same as they were#theyve changed while hes been stagnant sleeping unmoving#big 'you died and came back the same but the act of bringing u back has changed me irrevocably' vibes#and also like. i know the point of the game is that link is the hero and he's going to save the day#but god could you imagine waking up with no memory only to be told you died 100 years ago failing to save the world#and now you have to try again. the people who helped you died and arent coming back its just you#and despite how you failed the people of hyrule still revered you and so they are overjoyed to see you again#they are relieved they look at you with hope they talk about your success like its guaranteed like there is no other option#they dont doubt you. they put all their trust in you#but you don't even remember them. youve been asleep for 100 years. you dont even have your sword#sorry for writing a novel in the tags i just have a lot of feelings about this#like the prevalence of cycles & reincarnation in the franchise overall makes me froth at the mouth but the way it shows up in botw!!! MAN!!#loz#botw#k rambles
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