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sinisterexaggerator · 5 months ago

Text

Hard Feelings

Hancock x Fem! Sole Survivor / Reader Insert

(AO3)

Summary: You are the General of the Minutemen. Hancock is your companion when out on missions. It's all fun and games until there are hard feelings at play, the ghoul thinking that one day you just might leave him.

Warnings: NSFW / 18+ for PiV sex, public sex (sort of), MAKEUP sex, switching, praise kink, heavy petting and kissing, fingering, biting, angst, a small domestic dispute, and negative thoughts and feelings associated with oneself (Hancock). In this fic, Hancock displays golden retriever boyfriend energy, and he is more submissive. He also experiences low self-worth, and feelings of inadequacy, which leads to doubt. At some point, he has a panic attack.

Notes: Another fanfic that is completely self-indulgent. I was inspired when I took Hancock to the Starlight Drive-In for the Minutemen mission. We were briefly separated when I (sole) climbed onto the roof of the movie screen. Hancock ran around down below in a panic, thus this idea blossomed; I mention it in this post. I stole Teeth's nickname for Hancock: Hanni. ;D )

Word count: 4.7k+

A gentle peal of thunder rocked the night, just hours from daybreak, the eerie green glow of your pre-war Pip-boy casting its luminescence across the present object of your interest: a sullied movie poster. It was curling at its edges, the faded face of a starlet frozen in time with her mouth agape having snatched your attention, for better or worse, as this potential settlement had yet to be explored—there was no telling what lurked out there among the shadows.

Rita Jean Scarlett was staring into the eyes of not man, but insect, The Barfly calling out to you from a bygone era. It was an Old World tale of weird science gone wrong, filled with hubris and lessons learned all too late. Not too far off from the reality of things, you mused, though meant as fiction, actor Chip Weathers having adorned the costume of the “ghastly” monster for his starring role.

The creature had bulbous eyes and sticky clawed feet, yet wore a suit and hat. Once considered the stuff of nightmares, now things like this seemed to you like child’s play. You regularly joined in the company of ghouls; robots; synthetic humans, and even super mutants. You faced adversaries on the daily that would make prey animals of yesteryear look like teddy bears—an unnerving thought, but it caused you to smile regardless.

“What are you grinnin’ about?” a curious voice asked, the creak of worn red leather signaling his closeness; two thin arms encircled you, pitted hands smoothing over skintight, extruded rubber, shiny as the ghoul’s black eyes.

“Just about how things that used to be science fiction are now science fact,” you offered vaguely, casting a glance downward to the sight of yourself being molested, Hancock groping your tit—like any typical man—before it maneuvered lower, gliding over your belly to dip between your thighs.

“Hancock!” you breathed, your pulse quickening, loins already beginning to throb as blemished fingers stroked the line of your vault suit, teasing you at its seam.

“Hmm?” he hummed, ignoring the tone in which he had been addressed. He asked another question, even as he continued to fondle you sans mercy.

“Things like me?”

Hancock was unhurried, enjoying the sleek texture of the glossy fabric against the underside of his thumb. He was positive he was making you wet, wondering how long you might last before you were begging him to fuck you, just like a few hours previous.

However, his query caught you off guard, your mind preoccupied as your palm came to rest over John’s explorative hand, holding it firm, the ghoul taking liberty with your breasts again, cupping one’s shape to give it a squeeze.

“Things that shouldn’t exist? Like that monster up there who thinks he’s human,” he growled silkily, finely wrinkled digits pinching your pebbled nipple through that damnable suit that left nothing to the imagination, John’s prick hardening against the back of your leg.

“You might say that,” you replied without thinking, thoughts clouded with pleasure that would all too suddenly end, so careless was your answer that the ghoul recoiled.

“Really,” John flatly returned, as if for some reason not at all surprised, his warm, gentle touch leaving you longing, confused as to why he was beginning to walk away.

You turned from the ticket booth, staring after your lover as he kicked a loose rock across asphalt; it bounced, ricocheting off an overturned cigarette machine. Hancock pretended to be engrossed in the diner just up ahead, a part of the Starlight Drive-In theater, you both having been warned about raiders before traveling here.

“Hancock.” You followed closely behind; he did not pay you any mind, as if he had not heard you, acting about as mature as a spoiled child who was giving you the dreaded silent treatment.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” you claimed, though it was the truth. To be asked that question to begin with seemed like he was fishing for flattery, but who were you to deny the charismatic Mayor of Goodneighbor a harmless stroke to his ego, especially when he meant so much to you.

“Is that where the “might” part comes in?” he snapped, his tone irritated; it was becoming obvious that he had not expected you to agree with him on such matters, the conversation quickly devolving.

“Is this our first fight? Are we fighting?” you asked, Hancock’s beady eyes narrowing beneath his hairless brow at the flippant way you were brushing off his feelings, or so he thought.

“Look, if you don’t want to travel with a ghoul, why didn’t you just say so— got better things I could be doing,” he groused, namely chems with his name on them.

“Is that so? Well, far be it from me to stop you from doing those better things,” you returned, not understanding why he couldn’t just forgive you for something said in passing.

“Always a smart ass,” he complained, as if Hancock himself wasn’t guilty of using his fair share of sarcasm.

Had you not been so heated, you may have remembered just how self-conscious the sociable, charming mayor actually was. His confidence was partially a façade, though he wasn’t one to normally bring down a mood with his own insecurities. Being the introspective sort meant that Hancock wasn’t afraid to get to the heart of things, even at the cost of his own self-esteem.

John had even allowed you in, being vulnerable by sharing details of his sorrowful past; it was no secret the ending had been bittersweet, if not unhappy. His own appearance had sickened him; he found it hard to believe a gal like you wanted anything to do with him, much less desire to share a bed together, especially since he wasn’t exactly a looker by human standards.

Perhaps you had failed to give him reassurance when it was needed, though temporarily blinded by your temper. Instead of trying to clear things up, you made it worse.

“You’d be one to know,” you baited.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Hancock shot back, droplets of rain beginning to descend toward the ground.

“You know what? Go over there, check that place out.” You gruffly dismissed him, pointing toward the diner. “I think we both need some time to cool off,” you added, voice sounding less than amicable toward the man whose forehead lurched, as if he had been punched in the gut.

“Yeah? Fine.” John’s feelings were hurt more by this simple demand than anything you had said thus far, Hancock behaving like a scolded puppy whose owner had treated it unfairly.

You shook your head as you watched him march away, Hancock’s red frock coat glistening thanks to a now steady sprinkle. You sighed, turning toward a slew of rusting, run-down autos, spying a shed somewhere in the distance—you hoped it had a crafting station, as your orders from Preston Garvey were clear.

---

No raiders were present, only mole rats and radroaches. Hancock had kept his distance at your request, though you weren’t so oblivious that you failed to notice the way he routinely hovered only a stone’s throw away. The ghoul was caught basking in your shadow more than once, stealing glimpses, a frown pulling down the edges of his thin-lipped mouth. Yet he would move along the moment you laid your eyes on him, as if embarrassed, not wishing to be the victim of your ire.

Overall, he seemed to be taking things about as well as you had hoped, though he had technically been the one to start it. You weren’t a mind reader, either, refusing to try and decipher his body language despite the moping, waiting for a time you felt more at ease.

Although, it undeniably tugged at your heartstrings—knowing he was suffering in some capacity—but you kept a clear head, focusing on the task at hand—building a radio relay tower from spare parts in order to reach out to others, reclaiming the theater in the name of the Minutemen with the sole purpose of making the Commonwealth a better place, one settlement at a time.

It was when another accursed mole rat burst forth from its earthy den that you yelped in surprise, drawing your double-action revolver almost a moment too late. With teeth nipping at your toes, you shot the beast, Hancock having dashed to your aid.

You glanced back at him, rattled; he seemed satisfied knowing you weren’t hurt, though his gaze lingered, as if there was something on the tip of his tongue.

After a moment, he asked, “Can we talk?”

“Not right now.” You shook yourself off, taking a deep breath to assist in the slowing of your pulse. You returned to your workstation, deciding it wasn’t appropriate to address any more personal issues at this juncture—you both had a job to do.

“Sure, got it,” Hancock said grouchily, the ghoul wandering off to continue sifting through various piles of refuse for any usable materials to add to your haul, though inside it felt as if gnarled fingers were cinching tightly around his heart. Anxiety was welling within him, as not being on good terms with you did not sit right; beneath the surface, he was a troubled bundle of nerves, though he did not want to rush you by any means.

If only you knew about the disturbing thoughts that were crawling up John’s brainpan, slithering through the cracks to possess his mental faculties, feeding them fear; unsurety, outwardly expressed by way of a sour attitude. So involved was he with the many voices collecting in his head, that he failed to notice when you had finished installing the relay tower, your instincts guiding you to the Starlight Drive-in’s once magnificent three-story screen.

You took the stairs, moving past a shoddy door to climb to the top. The sun was newly risen, a fine mist hanging over the expansive parking lot, rays of light from your planet’s star casting a beautiful glow along remnants of grass, present in patches, though the area was plagued by the contamination of rads—another item on your to-do list.

You were enjoying the view when you observed Hancock poking around the last place he’d seen you, determining you were in a better mood and willing to talk. You had planned to call out to him when you saw him run the other way, circling the diner, and then the first place you had gathered—the ticket booth where you had exchanged unpleasantries.

Confused, you continued your study of his erratic behavior, wondering if there was some unknown enemy skulking about, yet Hancock had no weapon drawn, his gait all at once frantic and without rhyme or reason, the ghoul seeming to have no particular destination in mind.

“Hancock?” you asked yourself quietly, baffled at how John was going insofar as to peek inside doorless cars, or even under them, kicking into a full-fledge run as he made his way toward your perch. He wasn’t paying heed to anything that wasn’t at ground-level, failing to notice you up high above.

“Han—” you were enthralled, the ghoul almost as fast as a feral, which was a less than comforting thought, watching as John ran a lap around the base of the screen.

You followed, pushing off the railing to walk the few short steps to the opposite side, catching him turn the corner as he looped back around. It wasn’t until you heard his panicked breathing and the terrified whisper of your name that you completely understood, gut clenching as Hancock came to a disconcerting stop.

The poor thing looked to be having a meltdown, head darting to the left and right, though the only thing visible to you was the top of his tricorn hat. He began to pace, first one direction, and then another, not keeping to east or west, but zigzagging as if he couldn’t decide where to go, or what to do.

He called your name again, this time louder, sounding more distressed. You could not tear your eyes away as Hancock fell to his knees, fingers digging into soft dirt as the ghoul appeared to be in the throes of a panic attack.

Was he—

Spurred to action, you turned toward the way you came in, quick to rush down the stairs as swiftly as your legs could carry you. You sprinted around the bend of the building, nearly bumping into an abandoned cooking station off to your right, skirting it in the nick of time; you passed behind the structure, witness to a heartbreaking sight.

“Hey,” you whispered, Hancock having pushed himself back against the wall, knees to chest. The ghoul was tightly hugging his own legs, his marred face buried in the folds of his coat.

You weren’t sure what was happening, or why, only that he seemed deeply upset he could not find you, not expecting your brief absence would have such a negative effect. The ghoul was mumbling words you could not discern as you tiptoed forward, bending down to his level to address his huddled form.

“Hanni?” you asked gently, calling him by a pet name you had given him so long ago, John’s head shooting up, onyx eyes glistening, though you dare not think he had shed tears on your behalf.

Hancock gazed at you, his expression a mix of sadness, incredulity, and stark relief. You placed a hand on his shoulder, concern marking your features, John not budging from his half-fetal position.

“I thought—" he began, voice cracking, words quavering with an emotion you could not quite define, “—I thought you’d skipped out on me,” he offered pathetically, the amount of hurt present in his eyes enough to make you feel as if you deserved to die. So devastating was the look plastered across his handsome, ghoulish face that you wanted to cry, moving to cup his ruined cheek in the crux of your palm.

“Why would I do that?” you asked, tone soft but firm, staring at your reflection within gorgeous, dark depths, as if the answer lay hidden somewhere deep inside them.

“Because I don’t deserve you; because you can do better than me,” he answered without hesitation, “because who would want to be stuck with this ugly mug; wouldn’t wish it on my own worst enemy,” he finished flatly, Hancock’s dispirited disposition arising from being rejected—that’s not to say he blamed you.

“Didn’t wanna talk, ignoring me, couldn’t find you—just figured you were through,” he continued, tone solemn, making you feel awful.

You had deeply sinned to make this man react in such a manner—that was your first thought, Hancock’s gloomy mood permeating your defenses. All the walls you had in place came tumbling down, feeling nearly sick to your stomach as you scooched forward, prompting Hancock to drop his knees, legs finding even ground.

“No,” you berated, “none of that is true.” You shifted, straddling the ghoul, your other hand joining its partner to cradle his jaw opposite. “I won’t leave you,” you pledged, placing a kiss atop his furrowed mouth. “The thought never even crossed my mind.”

Hancock searched your face; he expelled a dejected sigh, breathing out through the hollow cavity that once housed his human nose. “You—you’re the best thing I’ve got. I don’t want to lose you, sunshine. I’d be dead in a ditch somewhere if it weren’t for you, hopped up on chems,” he admitted, hanging his head. “But don’t think I would blame you for hittin’ the road. I’d manage, somehow. Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to make do, so just say the word. Don’t feel obligated to stick around.”

“Is that what you think? That I would abandon you? That I would get sick of you? That I don’t want you here by my side? Hancock—” you emphasized, running your thumb over the curve of his ear, forcing him to look squarely at you with a gentle redirection, “—I mean it when I say I love you,” you lamented, kissing his raised flesh. “Please, don’t doubt me.”

John lifted his head with your help, the concave divot residing front and center brushing lightly across your cheek. He presented you with a kiss this time, his cock enlivening beneath you, unable to help his arousal at the admission of your heartfelt words.

“I won’t, not anymore,” he promised, another kiss administered, and then another, returning each touch of his lips with one of your own until they picked up in fervor, Hancock’s sly tongue subtly snaking its way between your teeth.

“That’s what I like to hear,” you cooed, warm, wet muscles intertwining in an orchestrated dance that rekindled the deep-seated ache of your loins.

“You listen so well,” you needled playfully; you had the ghoul’s number, knowing just what made him tick.

Hancock moaned a sound of gratitude, your impromptu praise causing his prick to flex, lean, wilted fingers creeping forward to place themselves deliberately along your thighs; they ran up the dips in your hips, and smoothed over the shape of your waist.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Hancock grated between avid swirls. His cock was riding up against your slinky blue vault suit—like liquid latex poured to conform to your body, it fit tight as a glove.

John held no complaints, only that you were still wearing it. Fortunately, you had ideas.

“Being such a good boy for me,” you teased, your own hands roving, exploring the contours of his slender chest and waist, sweeping back and forth; you hooked his partially corroded throat, carefully capturing Hancock between the crook of your palm, thumb trailing his Adam’s apple in a light caress.

“Not sure you know what that does to me,” he purred, the ghoul at your mercy as you gyrated your hips, your own sex succinctly aligned as you massaged his erection through faded black slacks.

“Are you so sure?” you asked, grinning into your kiss, one of Hancock’s hands sneaking along synthetic fibers for three fingers to stroke the underside of your jumper. He pushed up only slightly, cupping your mound; you felt it in your core, a subdued moan breathed straight into the ghoul’s mouth—Hancock was so turned on, it was a wonder he didn’t just nut right then and there.

“You teasin’ me, sunshine?” John panted, groping your breast, digits fingering stitchwork; you bit down on your bottom lip as you reached for the clasp at the front of your collar.

“Get this off me,” you instructed, fumbling with the pull of your zipper.

“Is that a request?” Hancock asked cheekily, though he did not expect an answer.

“An order,” you responded, feigning authority, Hancock doing as he was told, though there was a hint of a smile crawling up the side of his face.

“Yes, ma’am,” the ghoul chortled wryly, watching as you shed your suit like a second skin. You ushered it past the arc of your shoulders, the slopes of your breasts, to the base of your hips, leaving yourself half naked and assailable; John was unable to help his amorous stare.

“You’re so beautiful,” he declared, moving to knead doughy flesh, mouth finding your throat; Hancock sucked the sweat off your flawless skin, his other hand working its way underneath what was left of your vault suit, two fingers dipping into your already soaked cunt.

“Fuck,” he hissed, slipping in and out, thumb pushing itself between the folds of your labia to rub your throbbing bud.

“Yes, let’s,” you returned, swirling your hips, riding Hancock’s thick fingers as you clumsily moved to untie the flag wrapped about his narrow waist.

“Right here?” he asked, perplexed. Though not one to argue, being out in the open without cover was dangerous; he knew better than anyone the risks of the Wastes.

“I want you,” you answered, as if that in and of itself was all he needed to hear. You knew there might be consequences, but at that moment, your hormones were the ones in charge, a sharp gasp escaping as John’s fingers curled against the anterior wall of your sex.

“I’m all yours, love, forever,” Hancock vowed, following your example. He hastily unbuckled his pants after releasing your tit with reluctance, pushing apart the flaps to withdraw his glaring hard on; precum was already seeping out the slit at its head.

“Promise me,” you insisted, lifting up off your thighs—and Hancock’s fingers—to shimmy the rest of your suit down toward your knees. It might be a little awkward, but you were too desperate to care, taking up the ghoul’s girth in the breadth of your palm.

“Cross my heart and hope to—”

“Don’t you dare,” you protested, shoving your tongue back into John’s mouth, guiding his cock inside you. You sank down onto your haunches, inch by delicious inch, his variegated shaft filling you full up.

Then, the ghoul went rigid. “But sunshine, what about—”

“Shhh, that’s it,” you whispered, though Hancock hadn’t done anything to warrant a reprimand. It was your own descent that had you crooning, dipping forward to feel that delightful pressure snug against your walls.

“Not sure you wanna end up like—”

“—I took one a few hours ago, remember?” The darling man was more concerned with your well-being than even you; you could physically feel the tension leaving his body, John relieved to know you had things under control.

“You do love me,” you stated breezily, flicking the tip of your tongue inside the helix of the ghoul’s ear; Hancock shuddered, both his hands returning to your hips, touch featherlight, prompting you to press your palms against the partition behind him to prop yourself up on either side of his head.

“Wouldn’t mind you turnin’ Ghoul,” he replied throatily, thinkin’ spending an eternity with you sounded like the best damn thing a guy could ask for.

Hancock watched with bated breath as you rose up to enshroud him in your shadow, breasts level with his eyes. He groaned his appreciation, seizing your right nipple between puckered lips, John’s bony hips pushing up against the round of your ass. The ghoul sucked diligently, dull nails clawing gingerly into supple, human flesh, incapable of keeping a straight face.

“What was all that about not doubting each other?” John huskily reminded you, the point of his tongue flitting against your sensitive skin. He returned to suckling, as if a babe latched to nurse, the hand left idle finally slipping down your thigh. Hancock spread your lower lips apart with the underside of two fingers, a third taking its place atop your thrumming clit, engorged with blood.

“Shut up,” you urged, wanting him to belay speaking for fear the moment might spoil, Hancock grunting in indignation before he bit down lightly on your nip.

You gasped a broken breath, cunt rising to the head of his cock. You dropped back down; Hancock bottomed out, sequestered in the deepest part of you, snug as anything, the ghoul hypnotized by your pretty writhing.

“Why don’t you make me.” Hancock intensified the patient revolutions of blotched fingers, dragging you down by compressing your cheeks with his thumb and index; you slumped your shoulders just enough, angling to meet his current height, tossing your arms about John’s neck to humor him with another passionate kiss.

“Done.” You rocked forward, feeling Hancock’s sizeable member immured to its base. Indecent sounds kept each other company, the squish of your conjoined loins combining with the wet, obscene spirals of your whorling tongues. It wouldn’t take much longer to climax, your slick cunt tightening its grip on John’s rock-hard cock.

The ghoul’s chest heaved between ragged breaths, Hancock practicing his self-control. He didn’t want to cum until you did, sliding his palm up to carefully cradle the small protrusion distending your lower abdomen.

Feeling the outline of himself inside you was nearly too much to handle, a visible tremor preceding what was to be an early warning.

“I-I can’t hold back, angel.”

“Wait,” you countered, guiding the ghoul’s head toward your breasts, driving his noseless face into your cleavage; Hancock’s tricorn shifted backward as he followed your lead. He vested himself in the cocoon of your limbs, moaning his approval, grabbing onto a fistful of ass as your back arched in pleasure.

You opened your eyes to gaze at the sky—it was pale blue and cloudless, for once.

You came hard, the flat of John’s palm supporting your spine as you released your ecstasy to the heavens, the ghoul’s tepid seed discharging in spurts to paint your inner walls white; his ejaculate had been offered as payment for your lovely little song.

The ghoul felt overwhelmed and full of deep affection for you; Hancock’s teeth bore down on beautiful, unblemished skin; he broke capillaries, drawing your blood to the surface, leaving his mark in the form of a dark red welt.

You gasped at the bite, Hancock ensconcing you tightly in his arms, both of you allowing your orgasms to run their course. His grip was a comfortable vise, brittle nails burrowing into lithe flesh with almost paradoxical tenderness; John was always so careful with you.

From an outsider’s perspective, the embrace of a ghoul meant certain death, with the expectancy you would be rent into unrecognizable pieces. Such a pose as you presented now was questionable, one that evoked alarm from bystanders, settlers who had followed the beacon to their new home, expecting to find the general of the Minutemen, but not like this.

“Ghoul!” someone shouted; you heard the shuffling of leather, the clink of metal.

“No!” you yelled, protecting your lover with the entirety of your body, encapsulating his slight frame. You shielded his vitals with your bare back, hunkering down to speak to these newcomers over the peak of your shoulder.

“He’s not feral!” you growled, hating that you had to defend him, knowing how John must feel at this moment as he gazed up at you with surprised, wide eyes. You cared not that a horde of people had seen you naked; you only cared for Hancock, determined to preserve him and all his parts.

In reality, the ghoul was seconds from tears, knowing—without a doubt—that you had meant what you said. You were guarding his wretched life with your own without question, willing to die to keep him from harm, just as he gladly would have sacrificed himself to see you live another day.

A day, he thought, that might have been better off without him, but now he was glad to be alive (in some form or another), swallowing hard against the knot in his throat, eyes never once leaving your impassioned face.

“We’re together; we came here together, and we will leave here together, do I make myself clear?”

A person stepped forward, separating themselves from the crowd. “Yes, General,” they said, having fortunately, or rather unfortunately, recognized you.

With a sigh of relief, those gathered departed. John practically smothered you, so forceful was his hug that it nearly choked the air from your lungs.

Hancock didn’t know what he’d done to get someone like you, and he was afraid to ask. If there were any powers at be—something, or someone—watching over him, he supposed he’d owe them one, but for now he was more than happy to count his blessings. And the sad thing was, everything, all of it, could be a dream—or one long, hallucinatory chem-trip. If this turned out to be nothing but a fucked up Jet flashback, he’d just as soon never wake up.

“I’ll follow you to the end of the Wastes,” Hancock blurted, voice strained and rasping, fingers; arms; chest tightening as he spoke against soft tufts of hair. “You and me together, the world ain’t got a prayer.”

Despite what had just transpired, you cradled him against the bow of your neck, oblivious to the inner workings of his mind, only wishing to absorb him, for him to live in the space between your ribs that stored your heart. All you wanted was to keep him safe for all time, knowing that he deserved the world, though the ghoul would most certainly outlive you.

It was a melancholy thought, if ever one existed, but you did not allow your mind to dwell. “Sweet man,” you murmured, “it doesn’t stand a chance in hell.”

—-

Fallout Masterlist

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pedrithink · 1 year ago

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my home ✩ jude bellingham

summary: jude and his low profile girlfriend.

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december 15th, 2022

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march 16th, 2023

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april 1st, 2023

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judebellingham

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judebellingham I've taken some time to reflect on the events of the final day and the entire season. I still can't believe it went the way it did and we couldn't get ourselves over the line. The boys that played gave everything and their efforts cannot be questioned, unfortunately we weren't decisive enough in the fine margin moments that occur in high pressure games.

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Hopefully this adversity will trigger a new era for the club where it can compete closely for trophies every year. This is what the city and its fans deserve.

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user9 u both are so fine

user10 cuties

#jude bellingham #football imagine #football one shot #football fanfic #football x reader #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham fluff #jude bellingham headcanons #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham x reader #football instagram au

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divinitysotherside · 12 days ago

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₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅ . when you wanted to see your boyfriend again, you didn’t expect him to change drastically !

contents . cursed spirit gojo , lust curse gojo , gojo was transformed into a lust curse , very short smut scene

warnings . monsterfucking , transformed gojo , pussy eating , mentions of cheating but not really (?) , mentions of p in v sex , very short smut scene (it’s just reader and gojo goofing around but it’s still smut nonetheless 🤷🏻‍♀️)

You were the strongest sorcerer of the modern era. Well, after Satoru Gojo. However, he just suddenly went missing a few weeks ago, so the higher ups deemed you the strongest.

Shall we also say that you and Satoru are dating?

“Good job, everyone. Keep that up and you’ll—” Your phone rang, you scoffed. You were in the middle of teaching the first years.

“Hold on, kids. I’ll just answer this.” You mutter, turning away from them and reaching in your pockets for your phone.

“Yeah?” You asked, your other arm crossed over your chest.

“(Y/N), there’s a new special grade cursed spirit on the loose. It has beaten even multiple grade 1s.” Yaga on the other line informed you, clear frustration in his voice.

You were intrigued. A special grade cursed spirit that has beaten even grade 1s? It’s not everyday you see it.

“The sorcerers we send out to face it.. all the males died, and the older females looked worn out. Except for some women, those that are younger and three older ones.. they made it out just fine. It must be weaker against females, since it hasn’t killed any, so we’re taking you for the job.”

“Where is it?” You ask, a smirk on your face.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Arriving at a hotel, you rushed in, clicking the 3rd floor. “This was where it was last seen,” You mutter to yourself, the elevator doors opening once it stopped.

Your footwear clacked against the floor of the hotel, your eyes scanning your surroundings. It seemed empty. Too empty.

Reaching Room 28, you open it. “This.. is the exact location of the cursed spirit.” You mutter, looking around. “Huh, seems empt—”

Suddenly, a man—no, that’s not a man. It’s too pale, though its build is like that of a human male’s, muscular, tall.

What stood out was the albino hair and the multiple cerulean eyes scattered around its body.

You got your stance ready, but all that happened was that.. it felt different. You looked around, seeing that the room had completely changed. A large bed in the center and the room was.. nicely decorated.

Looking back at the cursed spirit, you see that it has a blindfold. One that looks ripped open. Its eyes were blue, ocean-like.

It looked oddly familiar, and oddly attractive.

The room, it wasn’t a room anymore. It was a domain.

When the curse finally noticed you, it immediately pounced on you, pinning you to the ground.

Once you looked into its blue eyes, you noticed that this was definitely Satoru Gojo. It should be, right?

“S–satoru?” You mutter, and the curse’s eyes widen. “You realized?”

His voice wasn’t fun and cheerful anymore. It was monstrous, deep and terrifying.

“Y–yeah..” You say, sitting up on your elbows to take a good look at him. “How.. did you turn into a—”

“It’s a long story. Summary, I got transformed into this lust curse.” He huffs, looking back at you.

“Now I fuck every female I see, like a manwhore.” He pauses, “or should I say.. curs—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence. You haven’t changed a bit, well, your mentality.” You remark, eyes scanning his new body.

“So, can I hit it?” Satoru asks, his massive head resting on your chest. “W–what? You really think I’m gonna let you h—”

“C’mon! Every female sorcerer accepted! Well.. except for Utahime, Shoko and Mei Mei.. Mei–san said she already has somebody else to let it hit.. Utahime hates me.. and Shoko.. she doesn’t see me that way.. I mean.. I don’t see her that way too, so I guess it’s fine..”

Satoru says with a fake frown, his face buried in your cleavage. “Sounds like a you problem.” You chuckle, pushing his head away.

“Hey! Don’t tell me you’re going to leave me too!?” He pouts, wrapping his arms around you. “Ugh, you’re so annoying.” You scoff, “fine.”

“Really!?” Satoru asks to confirm, his grip on you tightening. “Yes, Satoru..”

You then paused, “Wait, so you’ve been fucking other girls without me knowing!?” You ask, weakly punching his shoulder.

“Babe—no, I needed to! Ouch, stop!” He groaned, trying to avoid your weak punches.

“Let me make it up to you! Ow!” Satoru used his hand to cover his shoulder, his grip on your tightening. “C’mon, don’t be mad! I needed to, I was gonna die if I didn’t! Would you want that!?” He pouts, clinging to you.

“Ugh, you big baby.” You scoffed, ruffling his hair.

“Atleast this big baby’s gonna fuck you good!” He smiled up at you, licking your cheek.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Ahn— Satoru, what the fuckk..” You groaned, gripping the sheets with your legs spread, Satoru busying himself in between your legs.

His tongue was long, longer than before, as expected. It reached that good spot whenever it would enter your cunt. “Fuck— Satoru, you.. this new.. tongue is– hngh..”

But the idiot would only look up at you as his tongue entered your pussy, lapping at your creamy walls. “Satoru! Fuck, I’m gonna—”

You moaned as you came all over his waiting tongue, the muscle having the audacity to lick your clit before pulling away.

“Taste as good as ever, baby.” He smiled, standing up to claim your lips in a kiss, letting you taste your own juices.

Just then, you felt his large cock prodding against your clit. “Mm, ’m gonna ruin you.”

It was going to be a tougher mission than you thought.

#smut #jjk x y/n #jjk x you #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x fem!reader #gojo satoru #jjk gojo #gojo x reader #jujutsu gojo #gojo smut #jjk satoru #gojou satoru x reader #jujutsu satoru #satoru gojo #satoru gojō x reader #satoru smut

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selfloverrrrrr · 6 months ago

Note

Can you do Sukuna? I want to request him having a favorite maid who gets special privileges, but she has to fuck him in order for those privileges to remain special. For example, she gets better pay than the other maids who work for him. And then he falls in love with her later, making her his wife.

The Bonding

Warning: smut, heavy smut, unprotected sex, teasing, nipple play, edging....

( All characters are aged up/18+)

Masterlist

Minors Do Not Interact

Read the warnings carefully....if you don't like my stories block me not report

Sukuna was a wealthy and powerful man from heian era. He's well known for his cruel and calculating nature. He employed many maids to tend to his large estate, but there was one in particular who held a special place. I received special privileges, such as better pay and more comfortable living conditions, but these privileges came at a price.

In order to keep my special status, I was required to submit to Sukuna's sexual desires. He would often summon me to his chambers late at night, demanding me to service him in any way he wants. At first, I was repulsed by the idea of sleeping with him, but over time I grew to accept it as a necessary evil. I told myself that as long as I continue to please Sukuna, I would be able to keep my privileged position.

As the months passed, however, something unexpected happened. Sukuna began to develop genuine feelings for me. He found himself thinking about me all the time, and he grew to cherish the time they spent together. He even started to treat me with kindness and respect, rather than just as a sexual object.

One day, Sukuna decided to make his feelings known. He called me to his private room. I thought it was just like the other days. But when we were alone he took my hand and looked deep into my eyes, telling me how much he loved and valued me. I was shocked by the sudden declaration. but I loved him too. I never told it to anyone but I do love him too much. I couldn't deny the feelings that had been growing inside me as well. I told Sukuna that she loved him too.

He sits on the bed and I was sitting on his lap. We broke the kiss. Sukuna looked at me "should I?" He asked. "Please" I whispered. He pushed me on the bed and climbed over me. I was laying on the bed and Sukuna was laying on me. He looked at me and asked " do you want it?". "Yes..." I whispered. He smirked " Say it clearly please ". "Yes... yes please" I said. "Please what?" He asked still with that smirk on his face. " Please fuck me already..... I want you to fuck me.... please" I begged him and he gave me back a smirk and took off my top and bra. He looked at me and started sucking my boobs, squeezing it, playing with it as he want. I was a moaning mess. I took off his shirt. He got up and unbuckled his pant and underwear. His huge dick sprang out. I was starting at it without even noticing. My lust was increasing just seeing it. He smirked at me. He took off my bottoms and once again lay on top of me. He kissed me roughly. He lined himself with my entrance. Then smirk at me and pushed his whole length slowly. I scremed when it was fully inside. " it's okey... it's fine." He said and kissed my forehead. He started thursting in and out.

I was moaning his name. He was giving me pleasure. The pleasure I was hunting from months. His thurst became harder and harder. Faster and faster. One of his hand reached for my clit. Rubbing it. My legs were shaking. I was screaming, moaning with pleasure. In moment I came. Finally. Finally got my satisfaction. With a few more thursts he came inside me. He threw himself beside me.

From that day on, Sukuna and me were inseparable. We spent our days exploring the estate and our nights making love in Sukuna's luxurious bed. We would often engage in dirty talk and playful spanking, driving each other wild with desire.

As husband and wife, Sukuna and me were happier than we had ever been. We had found true love in each other's arms, and we knew that nothing would ever tear us apart. And as we lay in each other's arms, we knew that we would never again have to worry about the special privileges that I had once fought so hard to keep. We had become a true couple, and we would face the challenges of our lives together, hand in hand.

Give me your requests guys...

I love when you give me your requests 💕

#jjk #jjk smut #smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #tw noncon #fem reader #sukuna x you #sukuna smut #jjk sukuna #sukuna x reader #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #jjk ryomen #sukuna ryomen smut #jujutsu kaisen ryomen #ryomen x reader #yandere jujutsu kaisen #yandere

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captainwans · 9 months ago

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AM ERA! (smau)

— ALEX TURNER

arabella series

pairing: alex turner x fem! actress! reader

summary: some iconic and memorable moments on social media during the am era.

timeline: 2014

note: to clear up any confusion, the song arabella in this universe/series is based on a movie y/n did. + and also this format / layout is heavily inspired by my love @ithinkimokeei 🩶

masterlist!

Liked by yourbestfriend, katiee_cook_ and others

yourinstagram she’s got a barbarella silver swimsuit … 🪽

ㅤ View all the comments

username THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING ‼️

username doing cartwheels across the highway- 🤸‍♀️ why are they so attractive

username mom and dad looks so hot

breanahelders looking beautiful wifey 😙

yourinstagram got it from you <3

elizabetholsenofficial because i love waking up in the morning getting hit by visuals 😩

username lizzie is so real for that

username mother

username alex looks so fucking good i wanna jump off a cliff

username the fact that y/n didn’t know arabella was about her until a fan told her during a comic con panel will forever not be iconic

username lmao even the mcu cast was shocked that she didn’t know 😭

username had to replay that funny moment between y/n and scarlett where scar almost had a whiplash bc y/n had no idea

username our baby is so clueless it’s so cute

mileskane who’s that sexy cinnamon bun on the left? 😏

yourinstagram definitely not your man

username IM CACKLING SO LOUD

username pls y/n is so savage i love her

mileskane and you’re claiming him as your man?

username ohh dramaaaaa

yourinstagram and what if i did? 👀

username GASP- does this mean that alex and y/n are dating?!!!

mileskane it’s okay luv it’s just a phase it will go away ❤️

username hahaahahahahah miles

username i’m crying this is too funny

katiee_cook_ this comment section is so funny me and jamie are dying from laughter

yourinstagram mileskane unfortunately it is not just a phase 🥲

username wait y/n does this mean you and al are together?!! hello??

username girl you can’t just leave us hanging like that 😭😭 we NEED TO KNOW

username wait so arabella is actually about her?

yourbestfriend those of you who haven’t watched arabella clearly shows

username fr the song doesn’t even make sense if you haven’t watched the movie

username CAN SOMEONE PLS CONFIRM IF THEY’RE DATING??

Liked by yourinstagram, marvel and others

enews to answer the question on y/n’s famous instagram post… the answer is YES! (📷: unknown)

ㅤ View all the comments

username I KNEW IT

username IM CRYING HAPPY TEARS FINALLY

username idk if i wanna be him or be with her

yourbestfriend same

username y/bsf/n is so real for this

username they look so happy

username mileskane has been real quiet ever since enews posted

username i’m fine (i’m not)

username now who leaked these pictures of me and my man? 🤫

yourinstagram first miles and now i have to fight my way through fans 😭 this is a battle

mileskane yeah username get in line 🙄

username speaking of the devil… hi miles!!

username and he has arrived!!

username good luck dealing with seventeen year old girlies who want you dead 🥲

username bro what is marvel doing here liking this post i’m cackling

marvel don’t blame us we were just as curious as you folks 🙈

ㅤ Liked by 34,4k users

username alex could do better than this pretentious hollywood whore

username who are you calling a whore???!

yourbestfriend say that again i dare you bitch

breanahelders if you don’t have anything nice to say then keep it to yourself.

officialelizabetholsen jealousy doesn’t suit you honey. keep that energy elsewhere and let us celebrate this beautiful couple ✨

mileskane yourinstagram do i need to kill someone? just say the word love

username username the gang coming at your bitch

Liked by breanahelders, yourfriend and others

yourinstagram okay… this is the last one i promise 🤭

ㅤ View all the comments

username queen we don’t mind post all you want

username THE HAND REPLACEMENT ALEX

username bi panic

katiee_cook_ obsessed 😍

yourinstagram with you 😙

username the way this music video has a chokehold on me-

youtube the visuals, artistry, lyrics, aesthetics, cinematography is just *chef kiss* ✨✨✨

ㅤ Liked by 99k users

username even youtube is speaking facts

officialelizabetholsen gorgeous gorgeous 💗 we miss you on set, babe!

yourinstagram miss you more, bug!! 🎀

username a match made in heaven

mileskane we get it you guys are couple goals 🙄

matthelders here we go again 🤦🏻

yourinstagram do i complain when you get to have him all by yourself on stage?

mileskane that doesn’t count!

yourinstagram you’re such a drama queen

username their dynamic i love them sm

username miles and y/n fighting over alex is so real bc same

username yourinstagram how does it feel to be a rockstar’s gf 😩 how does it feel to live our dream

yourinstagram it feels amazing 🙈💗

#alex turner masterlist #alex turner angst #alex turner fluff #alex turner fic rec #alex turner x reader #alex turner imagines #captainwans navigation #alex turner one shot #alex turner fic #alex turner imagine #alex turner fanfic #alex turner #arctic monkeys x reader #arctic monkeys masterlist #arctic monkeys #alex turner x fem! reader #alex turner social media au

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seeingivy · 1 year ago

Text

the softest kind of love

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: this is what we call fluff no plot. eren kissing reader every five seconds, me in my easter eggs era. eren and y/n enjoy your last days of your love struck bubble before I ruin your life.

an: you guys had me feeling like the devil incarnate after last chapter. anyways, I put that evilness away for 5k ish words before I unleash my true form again. enjoy <3

song of the chapter: invisible string!!!

previous part linked here

The second Historia walks into the room, Eren pops out of his seat, nearly running to the door to poke his head out. The hallway is empty - except for the crew members setting up the new costumes and fittings for filming next week.

No sign of you.

“You know, you could at least pretend you’re excited to see me.” Historia says, pinching Eren’s arm.

Eren gives Historia a swift hug and a kiss to the cheek before pulling back, his hands resting on her shoulders.

“You okay? How was the reception to the entire thing?”

“Good. More people are coming out. Backing me up.”

“I’m glad, Hisu. It’s nothing short of what you deserve.”

“Tell Y/N thank you, I couldn’t do it without her. Your girl has been bigger than life these days.”

He smiles, squeezing her shoulders once.

“You know. If you told me where she was, I could do it right now. Shouldn’t she be coming for the table read anyway?”

“She isn’t feeling well. She stayed out in the cold to talk to all of the fans that were lined up and then she was stuck in the airport for so long that she didn’t sleep. Levi and Hange gave her the day off to rest.”

Eren immediately runs over to his seat, directly across from Levi and Hange and gives his best smile.

“No, Eren. You can’t have the day off to hang out with Y/N.”

“I’m not going to hang out with her, Levi. Just let me take care of her, she spent two days in the airport after performing and interacting with people all weekend with Historia.”

“Eren. She’ll be fine. She just has to sleep it off.” responds Hange, the two of them scribbling through each other’s scripts.

“I’m not even in these scenes. And you owe me, Levi.” Eren says, narrowing his eyes.

Levi narrows his eyes, flitting his line of vision to the name card next to his seat, and then back to Eren. How was Levi supposed to know that Eren was all but estranged from his half brother?

“If I do this one thing for you, you can’t hold it over my head again.” Levi says, glaring at Eren.

“Thank you!”

Eren leans over the table to give them both a hug before running straight out of the room to the townhouse. Levi brings his hand up to his cheek as he grumbles under his breath.

“Is it just me or is he more touchy lately?”

“Poor, Y/N. He’s probably strangling her to death up there.” Hange responds, laughing.

After speed running through making a bowl of ramen, Eren all but runs up to your room, to find you nestled in your sheets, with a pink nose. You have your lines propped up against your sheets, your face embedded in the pages of your script.

Eren sets down the bowl and snatches your script before he leans down and presses the sweetest kiss known to man to your lips. He can feel you smiling against him, your cold hands coming up to cup his face.

“Eren. I’m kind of sick you shouldn’t-”

He rolls his eyes as he presses his lips to your palms, leaving two soft kisses on where you’re still cupping his face, before he climbs into the sheets with you.

“Tease. I’ve been waiting for a month now.”

“I’m going to get you sick. And then you’ll have to take a day off like I am.”

“I’m already taking the day off today. For you. So just try really hard to not get me sick okay?”

Eren reaches over to your nightstand, where the bowl of ramen is still steaming, and hands it to you. You give him a grateful smile - and Eren’s heart skips a beat - before cupping your hands around the bowl, the steam making your glasses fog up.

“How was it? The entire thing?” Eren whispers, his breath tickling your forehead.

“Good, Eren. They-they really believed Hisu.”

Historia had decided that she wasn’t going to be quiet about what happened with her agent. In fact, she was going to be loud about it.

And she asked for your help, because she wanted to use music to do so. Eren was immediately disapproving, not because he didn’t want Historia to do it, but because he didn’t want you to help her. It’s not that he didn’t believe in you, that he didn’t think the work was important. But what you guys were doing was the equivalent of putting a target on your back and there’s only so much he can protect you from.

You told him you had to do it, that you had to help her and he dropped all his protests and helped you both. The three of you wrote The Man in six hours and then you and Historia immediately went and performed it in New York.

Eren brings his hand up to cup your cheek, his fingers soft against your skin.

“You-you know it doesn’t usually go this way right? I-I don’t want you to-”

“Get my hopes up. I know, Eren. That’s why I’m glad it did work out for her of all people. She-she deserves her spot at the table and roles because she’s a good actress and she-

“I’m not trying to bring you down, Y/N. I-I just want you to be careful. Did you see what happened with Sukuna and Hyla? She’s basically dragging his good name through the mud. I was worried that if it didn’t go over well, they’d start coming for you. And they can be ruthless. And mean. And throw bricks through your bedroom windows and-”

You bring your hand up to Eren’s cheek, his eyes fluttering closed as he sinks into your touch.

“Is it weird having Zeke here, Eren? Does it remind you of-”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Seeing him pisses me off. I like being here because it feels like home. We do other roles and movies but this is always where we come back to. It feels weird to have him intruding in on something like that, you know?”

“This is still our place, Eren. Him being here doesn’t change that.” you whisper.

You rest your head against Eren’s chest, his heart rapidly beating under your ear, as he brings his hands up to your hair. He’s messily braiding through the ends the way you taught him, his hands swiping through your tangled locks.

“We should come up with secret codes. We-we still haven’t told them all we’re dating and I-I’m not embarrassed but we should when it’s-”

“When it’s right, Eren. Maybe when we’re done filming this season, because knowing us I feel like people will catch on the second we start doing press.”

Eren nods, squeezing your shoulder once.

“That one. It means I’m here and I’ve got you.”

You take your elbow and jab it straight into his side, making Eren squirm.

“Ouch, Y/N.”

“That one means that we need a second. To talk to each other, without anyone else around.”

Eren shifts over to your side, reaching forward to secure the loose strands of your hair around your ear.

“And that one. It means I want to kiss you right now but I can’t.”

“God, Eren. We won’t even last a week without them finding out.”

You and Eren amble down six hours later to find all of them milling around in the kitchen and Armin standing there, camera in hand. His polaroids are well littered and taped to almost every wall now, barely an empty patch on the wallpaper.

You make your way over as Eren stops to talk to Armin, Jean and Miksasa giving you quick arm hugs and kisses on the cheek as you run your hand on the wall. You and Eren are smack dab in the middle - the pictures from season one and two at the forefront. Eren comes up at your side, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Already?” you whisper.

“Can’t help it.” Eren whispers, giving you a smile.

Armin comes up behind you, slinging his arm around your shoulder and standing in between you two as you rest your head against his.

“Hey ‘Min. I just got to the end of the script, you’ve got some really big scenes this season. I thought we were going to have to put you on the death wall there for a second.”

“I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to be the victim of Levi’s insane standards this season instead of Eren.” Armin grumbles.

“Thank god. He’s ruthless.” Eren says, as he gives the both of you a pat on the shoulder before walking away.

“I heard that, brat.” Levi says, walking into the kitchen with Hange and Erwin in tow.

Armin gives Levi a sheepish smile as he walks away, finishing his season pictures. Levi beelines to your side, placing his hand flat against your forehead to check your temperature. You swat his hand off as you give him a smile, the two of you leaning against the wall to watch everyone.

Bertholdt and Sasha are fighting over a very lazily played game of Scrabble while Eren and Hange play a very intense game of ninja around Reiner and Mikasa’s cookie frosting.

“So are you guys dating?” Levi asks.

“Are you going to give me some unsolicited dad advice if I say yes?”

“Obviously. That’s part of my job description.”

You look over at him and give him a sheepish nod, confirming his suspicions. You don’t miss the way his face breaks out into a smile, which has your cheeks burning with the mushiest, sweet feeling you’ve ever felt.

Levi may not actually be your dad, but his approval means the world to you all the same.

“Good.” he says, looking over at the two of them - aggressively arguing over who won their game of Ninja.

“That’s it? Good?”

“I’ll save my unsolicited dad advice for Eren. Give him that whole ‘hurt my girl and I’ll kill you spiel’” he says.

“Spoken like a true father, Levi.”

Levi squeezes your shoulder once before tucking you into his arm, his embrace warm. He clears his throat as he talks and you swear his eyes are watering.

“Hange and I are doing a vow renewal at the end of this season. We haven’t told anyone yet because we’re just going to do a small thing in the backyard on the last day. But if you and Eren could write a song for us to do the first dance to, I’d really love it if you-”

“Shut the fuck up. You want us to write a song?”

“Language. It’s a surprise for Hange, they’re really into that whole music, serenading thing.”

“Really, Levi? You’d let us do something that important?”

“Eren is Hange’s favorite. You’re mine. And I’ll kill you if you tell anyone I admitted that out loud.”

You can feel the tears welling in your own eyes as you look over at Eren and Hange laughing near the sink and Levi smiling at you, every little part of your heart touched by the sentiment.

“Permission to say something cheesy?”

“No, Y/N.”

“I love you, Levi.”

He rolls his eyes, a deep sigh leaving his chest, before he responds.

“Yeah, yeah. Love you too, kid.”

Eren and Levi switch places, Armin pushing the two of you closer together to take the last season start polaroid.

“Okay, guys. What’s the pose this year?”

You and Eren give each other a look, before pulling up your sleeves at the same time. Armin gives you two a shocked smile as you stand to the side, pointing at each other's matching tattoos for the picture.

The second Connie catches sight of it, he immediately runs over with his camera, the bright light flashing in your face.

“This is part like ONE HUNDRED of the L/N-Jaegers. I-they have matching fucking tattoos oh my fucking god.”

You shuffle through the mess of letters Levi gave you - the ones he wrote Hange when they worked on La La Land together - to piece together the lyrics for your song. You and Eren agreed that it should definitely be a soft piano ballad, which is more their speed for this backyard vow renewal they’re having.

The letters are enough to bring tears to your eyes alone - the line between Levi faking letters for their method acting to really falling in love with Hange crystal clear. Because he went from writing her fake prose, soft flowery poetry to sharing memories with them, about himself.

Which is saying a lot, because Levi’s like a book glued shut.

Pictures of him from when he was younger, in Centennial Park with his parents. Him working a stupid job at a yogurt shop in between roles in Los Angeles. Him trying Hange’s favorite restaurant and sending her a very scathing review back.

That’s what love is, isn’t it? Sharing every little part of yourself and every feeling you’ve had - ecstatic, overwhelmed, happy, sad, bored, and soft.

You start scribbling the broken fragments of lyrics swimming in your mind into the notebook, your hand not moving fast enough for the places your head is running.

“Time, mystical time, cutting me open than healing me fine? You’ve got a weird mind, kid.”

You look up to find Zeke peering over your shoulder, before settling into the seat at the table right across from you. You immediately drop your pencil right into the book, instinctively looking to the left.

Right. Eren already left for set.

“Ah. They’re song lyrics.”

“That’s right. You’re the singer.”

There’s a tone in his voice, one you can’t place that sends a wave of discomfort down your spine.

You’re trying your best. To give Zeke a clean slate, to not let what Eren said taint the view you had of him because you should form your own opinions. But god does he give you the shivers, his entire aura ice cold - the complete opposite of the warm, fireplace Eren reminds you of.

“I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Zeke. I’m Eren’s brother.”

“He mentioned. Welcome to the cast, I hope you’re liking it so far.”

He gives you a smile as he readjusts in the seat, sinking down into the chair.

“So what did he tell you? You’re looking at me like I’m the figment of your worst nightmares.”

“He didn’t say anything to me. You-you just caught me off guard because I was in the zone and stuff.”

“I haven’t talked to my brother in a while. But I still know him. What did he tell you?”

You swallow hard as you start gathering Levi’s letters, tucking them back neatly into their corresponding envelopes.

“Just that you guys don’t talk. Aren’t very close. It just came up once, he-he’s met my brothers before and just said you guys aren’t like that.”

“And you hate me for it?”

“No. No, I don’t hate you.”

“But he does?”

“Eren doesn’t hate you, Zeke. You just hurt his feelings, that’s all.” you respond, whispering the secrets he told you in confidence into the air.

Zeke sits back in his chair, his legs spread across the length of the seat as he gives you a smile.

You can already feel your heart sinking, irritated at yourself for even giving Zeke a sliver of information Eren wouldn’t have wanted you to mention.

“You love Eren, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t. I was just saying that because-”

“Would you believe me if I told you I had to stop talking to him? For his sake?”

“No. Who does that? He’s your brother. I can’t even imagine going a day without talking to my little brother, he’s literally my entire world.”

“Would you do it if it meant protecting him?”

He gives you a look as you ponder the question, the dilemma he just presented you with. Would you stop talking to Falco if it meant protecting him?

“Of course, I would. I love my brother. I-I’d do anything for him.”

“And I would too.” Zeke responds, giving you one last smile before walking out of the kitchen. He passes Eren on the way in, the two of them giving each other an ice cold look before Eren takes the seat next to yours. Eren pesters you about the conversation and you tell him all except for the last part.

You’re not sure if that’s something Eren should know. It would probably just piss him off more.

You watch as the makeup team takes Eren up to the top of the set, the crystal caves they made for the scene glittering in the light. You run your hand against the painted material, each sparkly crevice nearly blinding your eyes.

“They really went overboard with this one.” you murmur, walking with Mikasa.

“They got a bigger budget after last award season. I think they spent it all on this entire scene.”

You both snicker as you run to the sidelines, joining Sasha on the sides. You all sit in your respective seats as Eren, Historia, and Rod take their spots. Levi gives Eren a thumbs up from the directors chair and Eren quickly slips his shirt off, readjusting his hands into the arm restraints.

“Eren! Share the workout routine! I’ll lick those abs.” screams Connie, earning a fair amount of laughs from the cast and the crew.

You can see Eren turning red at the comment, the crew adjusting the last of the microphones and the props onto the set as Levi starts rolling the cameras. Connie leans over, whispering in your ear.

“How does it feel to see someone else living your dream?” he says, a laugh falling out of his mouth.

“What the hell are you talking about, Con’?”

“Historia and Eren are about to be the new couple of the show. I can see the edits already.” he says, poking your sides.

You swat him off, giving him the finger as you focus back on the scene as Eren and Historia start acting in the scene. Your reaction only goads Connie and Reiner on more, the two of them just trying to piss you off now.

“Look at how they look at each other, Y/N. You wish that was you, huh?”

“Shut up, Reiner. We’re literally the main couple of the show. You’d be stupid if you shipped Historia and Eren after the Thank You scene.”

“Feeling territorial over your man, Y/N?” Bertholdt says, the group of them laughing.

“Bertholdt. I thought you were above stupid shit like this.”

“You make it too easy. You’re-you’re looking a little green.” Bertholdt responds, pressing his hands to your face.

“And you’re looking gray. Like a half dead loser who gets eaten by Armin of all people at the end of the season.”

They all laugh at your response as you feel your cheeks burn with irritation, the thought of the entire thing pissing you off. You look up at Eren and Historia, the two of them sitting on the ledge as Eren gets caked in the red makeup for the scene before they start filming again. They’re both smiling, looking down at you guys.

When you make eye contact with Eren, he gives you a wave which you halfheartedly return. Which only fills Connie and Reiner with more delight, because now they’re mimicking you, all of them laughing with tears in their eyes.

“Imagine losing a two season lead to Historia.” Connie says, poking you in the sides.

“Imagine being one of the only characters without a romantic interest. At least my character can get some.” you respond.

“You think they’re method acting? Looks pretty real to me, don’t you think, Y/N?” Reiner says.

You stomp off to the other side of the set, to the snack table, where you’re angrily chewing down one of the pastries when Hange walks over. You can still hear them joking over there, tears flowing out of Connie’s eyes.

“You frown any harder and you’re going to get wrinkles, kiddo.” Hange says, poking the soft of your cheek.

“Sorry.” you respond, your tone harsh.

They give you a laugh as the crew starts pulling Eren and Historia down from the ledge. Historia and Eren are wiping the makeup off each other’s faces as they laugh, chasing each other off the main set as they join the rest of them on the sidelines.

You turn to the side, angrily biting into another pastry on the snack table as you hear them giggling behind you.

“Where’s Y/N?” you hear Eren ask, as he slips his jacket back on.

“She’s moaning and groaning by the snack table.” Jean says, smacking Connie on the back.

“You guys are being mean. You’re obviously hurting her feelings by insinuating there’s something between Eren and Historia.” Mikasa says, shaking her head disapprovingly at them.

“What?” Eren responds.

“We were just joking with her and she got all mad for no reason. You and Historia just looked really romantic up there for a second and we were teasing her about it, saying you’re going to forget all about her.” Connie explains.

You can feel your cheeks burning, the entire situation mortifying as you feel your face turn red. Because them saying it is one thing but telling Eren is another. The crew starts working on getting your harnesses attached for the next scene as Eren walks over, politely asking them if he can have a second with you.

“Hi Y/N.”

“Hi Eren.” you grumble, crossing your hands across your chest.

He gives you a smile as he snakes his left hand around your waist and uses his right hand to cup your face and kiss you straight on the face. He’s pulling you closer with his hand, your cheeks burning at the sounds of them all cheering and screaming a few feet away from you. He lets go after a few seconds, his forehead resting against yours.

“What happened to telling them at the end of the season?” you whisper, a smile making its way across your lips.

“They were pissing you off. Had to set the record straight.” he responds, pressing a kiss to both of your cheeks before pulling back.

Sasha and Mikasa run over, crushing the two of you in a hug as they all excitedly squish you in their embrace, hundreds of questions falling out of their mouths.

How long have you been dating? Are you in love? Have you done it?

“Connie. You’re disgusting, you know that?” Armin says, snapping a picture of everyone crushing you in a hug.

“Guilty as charged.” Connie says, smirking.

“Connie. Bother her again and I’ll make it a point to do it in your bed.” Eren says, cupping your face in his hands as everyone laughs.

Eren joins you at the piano, two steaming cups of tea in his hand. He sets them both at the head of the piano before pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Hey.”

“Hi. I-I think it might be done.”

“We’re sticking with invisible string?”

“Seems right, don’t you think?”

Eren leans forward to press a kiss to your cheek again before settling his hands on the keys as he starts playing the tune, your voice filling the empty air of the set.

Time, curious time Gave me no compasses, gave me no time Were there clues I didn’t see?

You give Eren a nod to join you on the melody as you play the notes on your side of the piano, your cheeks hurting from smiling.

And isn’t it just so pretty to think All along there was some invisible string Tying you to me?

Eren stops playing the keys as he leans his head against your shoulder, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before talking.

“Maybe we shouldn’t sing right now. Your voice is sounding tired, love.”

“We just did so many takes of that scene yesterday with Armin and Erwin. And then we all spent a good twenty minutes crying after we realized it was Erwin’s last scene, so I’m all spent out.”

Eren plays a loose melody on the piano as you press a kiss to the top of his head.

“Where’d you come up with invisible string?”

“It’s one of those old folktales, Eren. About soulmates.”

He gives you a confused look as he keeps playing, the piano singing in the air.

“Basically, when you’re born, there’s a little string tied around your pinkie and one around your soulmates. And no matter how far you are, you’ll eventually find the other end of your string and your other person because you’re tied together.”

“Do you ever think about stuff like that? About soulmates and other lives and stuff?”

“Sometimes, it can be fun. Like what we’re doing in another life, how we ended up together.”

“You think we’re together in other lives, Y/N?”

“You don’t, Eren?”

You give him a fake angry look which has him back pedaling really fast, the words spilling out of his mouth.

“I-no. Of course, we’re together. We’re meant to be together, every universe and every time-”

“I’m teasing, Eren. You don't have to think that just because I do.” you respond, smacking your fist against the piano and sending a shred of discordant notes in the air.

“Ouch, princess. You’re no musician.”

“Oh?”

He laughs, taking your closed fist off of the keys and lifting your hand to his mouth to press a kiss to your knuckles.

“We have hundreds of love stories out there, Y/N.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“All the classics, of course.”

“Like? I need concrete examples, Eren.”

“There’s one where we fake-date and fall in love. And then there’s one where you somehow end up being my roommate and-”

“Roommates? That’s so fucking corny, Eren.”

“Roommates. Like you somehow end up having to live with me against your will and then obviously start liking me because I’m so charming.”

“Ew, Eren. You would hate being my roommate. I’d probably piss you off by singing in the shower every morning.”

“See that’s the thing. I’d hate it at first but then it becomes super endearing to me. It’s part of the romance, falling in love with the little things.”

“Okay, Cupid. I didn’t realize you were an expert here.”

“Let’s go home, yeah? We need to wake up early for the vow renewal tomorrow.”

Eren starts packing your notebook into the bag and handing you your cup of tea as you slide around on the bench. He walks down the length of his set before realizing you’re not next to him and trails back, bending down to sit in between your legs.

“Hey. What’s up?”

You put your hand against his cheek as you look at his green eyes, round and full, staring into yours. It’s on the tip of your tongue. You love him. And you miss him when he’s not even gone.

“Nothing, Eren. I just thought about how after this week, we won’t be coming back here for another three years. When am I gonna see you?”

Eren jumps off the ground and takes his seat on the bench again, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. He presses a kiss to the top of your head before murmuring against your hair, his voice soft.

“I’ll come where you are. You can come where I am. We-we’ll see each other, okay?”

“Okay, Eren. You’re right. I-I’m just being silly.”

He leans forward to drag you up on your feet and the two of you stroll your way back to the townhouse together in the dark. And the confession still burns on the tip of your tongue.

You and Eren stay seated on the piano bench, well after you guys finish singing your song for Hange and Levi, to watch everyone from your perfect vantage point on the front of the dance floor.

Levi and Hange are still swaying in the middle, the two of them laughing into each other’s faces as Hange steps on Levi’s feet for the sixth time. Sasha and Reiner are doing some very serious tango dancing, and destroying anyone who makes it into their pathway, and Jean and Mikasa brushing noses as they softly smile into each other’s faces.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I am right now, Eren.” you say, looking over at his green eyes.

He’s all dressed up, in a nice black suit and his hair nicely styled against his forehead. He’s wearing a pink tie, intended to match the pale pink long dress you borrowed from Mikasa.

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. There’s so much love in the room.”

“Connie getting seconds for the tenth time is love?”

You laugh as you lean your head on his shoulder, laughing into the fabric.

“No. But look. He has an extra plate that he’s piling onto for Sasha. Her feet have been hurting all night and instead of making her get up with him, he’s doing it for her. That’s love, Eren.”

“You always notice things I don’t, sweet girl. Tell me more.”

You smile as you place your chin up on his shoulder, pointing out each little thing in the room.

“Mikasa and Jean have been in the back corner all night. And when we were singing, Jean pressed the softest kiss to Mikasa’s cheek and her face turned all pink, even after all this time.”

Eren places his hand around the small of your back, rubbing small circles into your back as you go on.

“Armin is the most competitive Monopoly player known to man. Marco’s been sliding all his extra money to Reiner so he can stay in the game.”

“Erwin took a picture of Levi and Hange during their first dance from the back side, because he knows Levi wants the view of the picture to be Hange and not him.”

“And Levi and Hange, they’ve been swinging in the middle of the dance floor since we stopped singing and the orchestra started playing. Which was like forty-five minutes ago. They-they’ve been talking this entire time, never running out of things to say to each other, with the biggest smiles on their faces.”

Eren looks over at you, the soft, sweet look in your eyes as you look at everyone in the room and it makes his heart melt.

“Levi and Hange are really in love, aren’t they?” Eren asks, drawing his eyes that give away too much from you.

“The softest kind of love. I-I’ve never seen two people so in sync before. I feel like every time I look at Levi when he’s with Hange, he looks like he’s never been more at peace.”

And Eren can see it - the way Levi’s shoulders are relaxed, the smile on his usually blank face, and the wrinkles near his eyes.

And when he looks over, all he can see is it on your face too. The marks of love. Full, pink cheeks - which he’s sure is from the makeup Mikasa helped you with. The softest, most excited smile on your face as you scan the room, only pointing out more and more of the tiny little signs of love he’d never even see on his own.

“I love you.”

You look over at Eren, his green eyes gentle and heartfelt as he takes your hand and squeezes three times.

“Eren, you-”

“I love you. The three squeezes - that’s what they’ve always meant.” he whispers, his hand warm in yours as me mimics the motion you’ve done a hundred times.

You can feel the tears stinging in your eyes as you bring your hand up to his cheek, memorizing the way he looks, bathed in the golden lights strung from the ceiling to the end of the backyard.

“There’s love in the room. And it’s right here between you and me.” you whisper, before Eren closes the space between you and leaves the warmest, softest kiss against your lip - so deep you can feel it tingling all over your skin.

The softest kind of love.

next part linked here

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376 notes · View notes

watermelonlovershigh · 1 year ago

Note

can we have a scenario with Harry where the R is on her period and throwing up and harrys just trying his best to comfort her 😫🥺🥺

AN: i hope i did your request justice. luckily i've never had to experience throwing up from my period so i don't know how it's exactly like. so i just hope its kinda sorta accurate in how i describe the cramps making reader feel and get sick. also whoever requested this, please let me know what you think. feedback is really important for us writers.

This story contains: fluff, period leaking (kinda), being sick (puking) due to period cramps, comfort

{ boyfriendrry - soft!harry - think of fine line harry era - harry is not famous in this story }

word count- 2,173

While staying the night at your boyfriend Harry's house, you get your period and then end up getting sick due to painful period cramps.

You've known Harry for about two years. For most of those two years you were just friends. But about a month ago you finally confessed your harboring feelings for each other and now you're officially a thing. A couple. Dating more or less.

Yes you both were scared that if something happened with your relationship that your friendship would be over, but you just had to have a little bit of faith. Faith that no matter what happened your friendship comes first and foremost.

Now because this relationship is fairly new, Harry hasn't seen you at your most vulnerable states yet. Most vulnerable states as in when you're crying or sick or even the ups and downs you go through with your period. Well besides sex because you're both impatient, horny people. Because when you two were just friends, you were mainly friends within a friend group. Meaning you weren't like the closest friends ever.

Though over time you became closer as just friends and that's how you both realized you had feelings for each other. Still, Harry had yet to see you at your low points. But tonight that all changes.

Tonight, you were planning to spend the night at Harry's house. You've spent most nights at his house since becoming girlfriend and boyfriend if you're being honest. You just love the comfort Harry and his home brings to you.

Now unlike most nights that you stay over, you told Harry beforehand that you weren't in the mood for sex. You're not sure why but you had this pit feeling in your stomach that was secretly warning you of what's to come and that made you not want sex tonight.

You even told him if he'd rather you not come over because you didn't want sex to just tell you. But Harry just laughed through the phone and said that was ridiculous. That of course he still wants you to stay over. He doesn't just want to see you because of the sex. He loves you more than that.

The night started off well. Harry had ordered some chinese take-out and you both ate the delicious food while watching a romcom on his sofa. Eventually after you finished eating, you ended up cuddling into one another on the couch with a big fluffy blanket over top of you. That is until you felt the all too familiar feeling of your period starting. "Fuck," you hissed out.

"What?" Harry questioned quickly from his position as the big spoon behind you.

Going to stand up, you replied, "Um, think I started my period." At this point you knew there wasn't any way to hide the fact your period just started because you were staying the night at his house for fucks sake.

Harry had a frown on his face and goes to let you know, "Oh, well that's alright. I have some pad and tampons under my bathroom sink. Keep'um there for things like this." God, you're about ready to marry this man on the spot. His thoughtfulness is killing you.

You nodded your head and said shyly, "Okay, thank you. I'll be right back." You rushed off to the bathroom before you leaked too much in your panties and finally made it in time to collect the products you needed. Harry even bought the good brands too. Bless his heart.

After inserting a tampon and using a pad for extra protection, you were good to go. Except you realized just how tired you were now. It was nearly eleven at night anyways. So when you made it back down the stairs to Harry's living room where he had paused the movie to wait on you, you asked nervously, "Can, um, we just go to bed? I'm kinda tired now."

Without any thought, Harry stood up from the sofa and said, "Yeah, of course. Is everythin' alright with your period though. Need anythin' else?" If he doesn't stop being so nice you will be getting married tomorrow.

You shook your head, "No, I mean, yes I'm okay. Caught it right in time so I didn't leak through my clothes, thankfully. And my cramps usually start a few hours after I start. So I'm not in any pain right now. Just sleepy."

Harry turned the tv off and grabbed your hand to hold while walking up the stairs with you. "Good, but let me know if that changes. Don't be afraid to wake me up, okay. I won't mind." he commented.

A few moments later you were cuddled up in bed and ready to sleep. Your periods always made you extremely tired. Physically and mentally. Then not even five minutes into your cozy cuddles, you were asleep.

----------------------------

As your eyes glance over at Harry's alarm clock you can see the time now is four am. You were sleeping peacefully until you started getting your first wave of period cramps. To hopefully will them away, you take some deep breaths and lay in a fetal position to try and fall back asleep. But you quickly realize that's not going to happen.

Now if you were at your house, you'd go take some medicine to help with your period cramps but beings that you're at your boyfriend's house, you didn't want to risk waking him up. Though he told you he wanted you to wake him if you needed anything, you just couldn't find it in you to do that.

I mean you're not necessarily embarrassed you got your period at Harry's house because he is a grown, mature man that knows women get periods. But it's more so about you being in such a vulnerable position in front of him for the first time. To your luck though, the period and the cramps were not even the worst of your worries right now. It's the creeping nausea that's blooming in your stomach.

You don't always get sick on your periods but you do more often than most you'd say. Like every three period cycles. And it's mostly from the cramps getting so bad that they make you feel and get sick. Oh how you wish on anything that this months period wouldn't be one of the months you get sick on your period. Especially not on a night you're staying at Harry's house.

As you continue to lay in bed beside a sleeping Harry, your cramps get worse and your nausea also gets worse. To the point you know you must get out of bed if you don't want to be sick all over his bed and floor. So you scramble to remove yourself from Harry's duvet and scurry over to his bathroom that's to the right of his room. But due to the room being pitch black, you accidently knock something off the night stand on your side of the bed which in turn wakes Harry up.

At this point you don't care that you've knocked something over nor do you care if it woke Harry up. All that you care about is not being sick on the floor. When you make it inside the bathroom, you flip the light switch on and run over to the toilet. Luckily you have a moment to prepare yourself for what's to come so you reach back to collect your messy hair out of your face and kneel down on the cold, hard floor.

Back in the bedroom, Harry is sat up very confused as to what's going on. The only thing he can assume is that you felt yourself starting to leak and ran to go change your products out. But when he hears your first dry heave, he knows that's not the case. He jumps out of bed and rushes to the bathroom so he can help you in any way he can.

"Hey, hey," Harry coos while finally reaching your kneeled body, "shhh, it's alright. Let it out, y/n. Your tummy will feel so much better." And just like that, after multiple harsh dry heaves, you begin to actually throw up. Which isn't pleasant and especially not pleasant when you ate chinese food for dinner.

Harry replaces your hand with his so he's now the one holding your hair back. You're in so much pain that you barely register he's in the bathroom with you. All you know is that your uterus feels like it's being kicked and punched repeatedly and you're so nauseous because of that.

You throw up for what feels like minutes until you finally catch a break. With his free hand, Harry collects some toilet paper and dabs it around your mouth and nose. Then he tosses it in the toilet and reaches up to flush the nasty contents. You whisper out an embarrassed, "Thank you."

"No need to thank me, love. Hate seein' you like this. Is it your period that's making you sick? Or the chinese? Because if it's the chinese food then I should be a little worried since we ate the same thing." Harry replies.

"No um, forgot to mention but um, sometimes on my periods my cramps get so bad that it makes me get sick. Sorry you're having to see me like this. I know I probably look and smell gross. You can go back to bed if you want."

Biting back, Harry responds, "Hey, y/n, it's totally fine. I understand periods are painful for women. And if it makes you sick then that's alright. But I will do everythin' in my power to help you not feel sick anymore. And I am not leavin' you in here by yourself. I don't care that you're sick in front of me. We are in a relationship so it was gonna happen eventually anyways, right? Now do you still feel like you're going to throw up?"

You answer hoarsely, "Kinda, but if i had some medicine I think that would stop it. It's just my cramps hurt so bad I can barely move."

"Alright," Harry softly speaks, "stay here and let me get you some medicine." He stands up on cracking knees and searches through his medicine cabinet a few feet away. "Okay, here is some zofran for your nausea and here is some pain pills for your period cramps. Let me grab you a cup of water."

After filling a paper cup full of water and collecting the medicine, Harry comes back over to you and kneels down on the hard bathroom floor beside your body. He hands them to you and with shaky hands you take the cup of water and swallow down the pills. Then he grabs the now empty cup back from you and tosses it into the trash can beside the toilet.

Being patient with you, Harry doesn't suggest going back to bed until you feel ready enough to do so. He just sits beside you and gently grazes his fingers up and down your back. Once the zofran has kicked in, you don't feel sick anymore. You just feel achy and slightly gross.

Breaking the silence, you ask, "Can I take a shower and then go back to sleep? I feel all gross but also so tired again."

"Of course you can, baby. Let me get you a towel and an extra pair of clothes from your bag, okay." Harry gets up to do just that and you stand up realizing you need to use the toilet as well. But you'll wait until he returns with your stuff.

When Harry does return with your stuff, he gives your forehead a kiss and says, "Take your time, y/n. I'll be in bed waiting on you. Call for me if you need anythin''." And with that, he leaves and you're finally left alone to use the bathroom and shower.

----------------------------

When you re-enter Harry's bedroom after your shower, you expect to see him fast asleep again. But no, he's propped up in bed watching Friends on the television that hangs on the wall in front of his bed. He turns his head towards you with a sleepy smile on his face. "How was your shower? All good?"

You nod and answer while climbing back into bed beside him. "Mhm, it was good. And um, thank you for taking care of me tonight. Really appreciate it."

"Awe, baby," Harry coos, turning the tv off and helping you move closer to him, "no need to thank me. It kills me to know you sometimes have to deal with your periods side effects alone. I love taking care of you." With your head now on his chest, he tilts his head down to peck your forehead with a kiss and questions, "Is your tummy feelin' better now? Not nauseous anymore?"

Tiredly, you shake your head no against his chest and whisper, "Just slight cramping but nothing like it was before. The medicine is working. Love you."

Knowing you're not in excruciating pain anymore, sleep starts to take over Harry's body too again. But not before he can mutter out an, "I love you, too."

(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITING IS NOT EASY AND IT'S FREE SO JUST DO IT)

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bronx-bomber87 · 2 months ago

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Happy Wednesday my lovely readers. :) AH the post breakup ep. This one almost hurts more. It's most apt ep name of the entire season. ‘Crushed.’ Boy does this name hold up to what goes down in this episode. As much as it sucks what goes down with Blair. She was damn good at her job and this ep proves that. Lots of Tim analysis in this one as you all know is my jam. Eric and Melissa continue to crush us in this one. Phew. Let us begin.

6x07 Crushed

We start out strong with the soul crushing. Lucy’s necklace and DOD ring are noticeably absent. They know the fandom well to take away these objects. Of course we were going to notice them being gone. Hurts my heart to see it. Makes sense but doesn’t make it ache less. Our poor collective shipper heart. Granted the ring was her's long before Tim…BUT we all know what it represents. Her life being saved. Throwing it out in the hopes he would find it and save her. Represents him digging his bare hands into the earth to retrieve her from it. *sniffle* I’m fine….

Her necklace being gone is just a stark reminder of where we are with them. I hate it. The opening sequence is a gut punch to our feels. To Lucy’s too. Tamara is moving out. This also hurts to watch. The end of an era. Lucy is grasping at straws asking if she needs more time before she goes? Tamara asks if she needs her to stay? With the breakup and all? Lucy instantly say no. Even if she wanted to she'd never ask that of her. But it’s clearly upsetting Lucy watching her whole world being dismantled.

She went from having the love of her life with her daily, and Tamara living there, to neither of those things within a week. She literally blinked and her two pillars of support were gone. I adore her making dinner reservations for her though. Wanting to celebrate despite her current sadness. Tamara asks if Tim really got kicked out of Metro? Lucy immediately saddens and morosely replies ‘Yeah.’ Tamara being her protective self in her reply. I mean she isn’t wrong…But it brings Lucy zero comfort and it’s written all over her face. *sigh*

We go from one heartbreaking scene to another. Once again the punches not being pulled in the last 3 eps. I feel emotionally winded. For only having 10 eps they sure did pack them full of it. Which I was impressed with. We see Tim disassembling his Metro office. Hurts me to see it. Official time of death for Metro Tim is now. You all know how much I loved him in this position. I really hate this. Was more than him being fine af in that outfit. Was years of hard work flushed down the toilet *snaps fingers* Just like that. Really paints the picture of his trajectory downward after Ray.

I hate this on a personal level for him. The breakup is excruciating but adding this in is... It's salt into an already raging wound. Worst part is we watch him being stoic with Wade. Trying to pull all the company lines. Whatever will get him back on duty and Grey out of his hair. Luckily Wade isn’t so easily duped. He knows this man well. Been his superiors for years. Can see the grunt mentality Tim is displaying. Knowing how unhealthy it is. Grey lets him know Dr. London will be shadowing him. Tim is naturally upset about this.

This wasn't the work he meant lol Knowing exactly why this is happening. Wade doesn’t sugar coat it when Tim pushes back. Nor should he. Lists off the reasons he questions Tim's judgment right now. The reckless behavior that had him bounced out of Metro and back to patrol. Secondly breaking up with Lucy. Tim forgets this man watched over the years how Tim blossomed around her. Even more so when they got together. To toss that away is just as reckless as his behavior that lost him Metro. Tim is in a free fall atm. Grey is just trying to soften the landing when he comes back to Earth.

Tim being a lying liar who lies. Says him breaking up with Lucy had nothing to do with Ray. Oh my love you don’t really believe that do you? Because it has EVERYTHING to do with it. Was the catalyst to breaking all our hearts. It's clearly a tactic to get out of his ride along with Blair. The man as we know runs from and buries his feelings. Only person to ever get him to open up he’s shoved away at this point. Phew. This somehow hurts more the second to watch and dissect.

Wade stands his ground about the ride along. Saying if he wants to even begin to earn his trust back. It starts here. Otherwise he’s going to get mandated therapy. Which honestly I would’ve hated for him. Because therapy’s something you need to come to on your own. Not have it thrust upon you. So I’m glad Grey started out with this observation first. The man knows what he’s doing. Tim gives into his order of taking her with. Little does he know he’s going to end up doing both.

But that’s the beauty of this episode tbh. Once that is settled Wade slyly mentions he’s taking Lucy out. Tim being salty says for ‘Evaluating her too?’ I love Grey’s slick smile replying he’s just observing. Like I said earlier. The man knows what he’s doing. He’s also worried about them both. He knows how serious their relationship was. Probably thought their next step was marriage. So for it to be over he’s gotta do damage control. He’s the MVP of this ep.

This scene with Smitty still makes me blood BOIL. Months later and it still has me incensed with him. With that jackass too who was betting Tim cheated. How very fucking dare you nobody officer. If you knew Tim at all you’d know he would NEVER. Not ever. Neither of them would. It’s so degrading for both Tim and Lucy.

Also her and Aaron? Excuse me while I go vomit. I love how she dismantles Smitty. Straight up kills him. The shame on his face is something he deserves and more. This one of the many reasons people knowing was the worst. Because cops or not this was gonna feed the rumor mill. People gossip no matter the profession. Lucy telling him how wildly inappropriate this is. Honestly she should’ve reported his ass.

I would’ve. I'm crazy protective of them both. So I hated this scene for them. And for Lucy out of the two of them to find it ugh….Smitty promises he’ll shut it down right away. Damn right you will mofo….That scene still gets under my skin more than I would like. We were all in mourning as a fandom. So this scene lit my Italian rage up. Hated rewatching it. Made me sick to think of them gossiping about them. Still hate this whole thing. Doesn’t get easier with time.

The pain train continues forward with this next scene. The LAST thing Lucy needed in this moment was to bump into Tim. Especially coming off the heels of scolding Smitty. We see her rubbing her tattoo like no tomorrow. Trying to calm her raging emotions. She doesn’t even get a second to breathe, before running into the cause of her deep hurt.

Gotta commend Melissa and Eric for this awkward encounter. Lucy has zero time for this. Can’t even process what just happened with Smitty let alone this. Doesn’t stay in that corridor long. Poor Lucy almost stumbles over herself to get away from Tim. Shaking her head as he calls out for her. Rip my damn heart out some more why don't you writers? Good lord. Killing me softy. 5 minutes in and I’m a damn mess. Also what kills me in this scene how Tim lights up when he sees her.

Ugh you can’t do that after what you did Timothy. You stole her voice and her choice in that breakup. You can’t be surprised she doesn’t want to see you. You destroyed her in that parking lot. Decimated her loving spirit when you took off. Eric once again killing me with his expressions. His reaction after she all but dashes from him breaks my heart. This was self inflicted but hurts to watch none the less. To see them reduced to this awkward interaction is devastating.

I will say I adore Blair for coming right at Tim from the jump. Doesn’t wasn’t any damn time calling him on his crap. His person isn’t there to do it. So she is the next best thing. Well other the Angela. But he needed to hear this stuff from a professional. My sister can tell me something and it doesn’t resonate. My therapist does and it clicks. Idk why. Just does. Tim NEEDED this ride along just didn’t know it yet.

Doesn’t take her long to call Tim out for his decision to use Aaron as a buffer. Is reading him like a book she’s known for years. Saying he’s doing so cause he’s exhibiting classic avoidance attachment style. (Totally is...) Tim having not been in therapy is confused at her reply. She continues to depict him further. Explaining he prefers surface level over deep intimacy. Which is the case with everyone but Lucy…

She continues on to say it’s a defense mechanism. One that is developed due to an overly strict or domineering parent. Usually a father. Tim getting nervous already goes on the defensive. Like he always does when someone has him dead to rights. Did it to Lucy and Angela. This therapist is no different. Stating he isn’t a fan of this and there is going to be no over sharing. Ok love….

I do adore Grey for making sure Lucy is taken care of. We all know our girl isn’t going to take care of herself. Her and Tim are scary alike in this way. They’d rather take care of others than do any form of self care. So Wade is doing it for her which I love. He didn’t pick Tim he picked HER. He gave Tim what he needed with the therapist. Also we don’t get enough Lucy and Wade so I was all about this.

We know he’s worried because she’s taken hit after hit this year. Tim being the biggest blow of all. These other things were horrible but she had him. Her person. Her pillar. Now that’s gone and she’s losing Tamara to boot. She needed this ride along as much as Tim needed his. To say this season has been tough on her would be the understatement of the century. I’m hurting for her so much. Her entire world was ripped out from underneath her.

I think Grey can tell it’s pent up inside her. The constant ‘I’m ok and I’m fine.’ Are really cries for help. The awkwardness continues when they run into Tim getting ready for the day. Lucy extends the awkwardness inviting everyone EXCEPT Tim to Tamara’s farewell dinner. Well and Dr. London heh Who is watching this entire exchange go down. This shot from his cam feeling very intentional as he watches her invite everyone but him. A little shot at his soul watching this happen. He watches her depart sadly some definite longing in it. Oh Timothy you did this to yourself my love. Grey patting his arm as he follows Lucy out.

Lucy and Grey’s first call strikes a personal chord. Far too close to what she and Tim just went through. They show up to a couple fighting. The girl is losing her mind on him. Little stabs to the heart what this woman is upset about. Saying how she thought they were happy. How she thought he was the one. Then it just ended. How it doesn’t make sense. Ooof. My heart hurts.

I hate how relevant this call is for Lucy. Crushed is the theme through out this one. Apropos ep name if we’ve ever had one. Lucy then gets paranoid because she is feeling exposed in this moment. Feeling things she’s been suppressing gurgling up. Asking Grey if he set this up? That Tim just bailed on her. That their first call was about a woman being ghosted. I adore his reply. It’s Top Notch Wade Grey goodness.

Puts her in her place right away with that notion. But it’s very telling to him in this moment how much she needs this shift with him. The amount she has pent up is immense. The fact that she reacted the way she just did proves that. Her sensitivity level is sky high atm. Lucy’s reply when they get back in the car is hilarious though. Much needed levity in a tense moment LOL ‘It’s my bad.’ Hahahaha oh Lucy Chen never change. We love you so.

Dr. London hits the ground running with the case they have. Aaron bringing up it’s always the boyfriend right? When it comes to missing cases like this? It’s here Blair inserts her like about breakups. It’s SPOT ON. Say what you will about her as a person but she was damn good at her job. At zeroing in on someone and what makes them tick. What is holding them back. And her line about breakups is just that for Tim. Stating it’s a trigger for many men. How stereotypical gender roles prevent them from seeking help. It gets under Tim’s skin instantly. I’m sure she said for a few reasons.

First because It’s an accurate statement for most men. Sad but true. Two because she feels this fits Tim perfectly and his current situation. And lastly to see how he would react. Which of course is defensively, but she’s methodically chipping away at his wall. That statement is not only this situation. But it’s Tim’s entire life. His father called him. ‘Poor little Tim-Tim.’ This was not a term of endearment but a mockery of his feelings. For even having them let alone expressing them. To have feelings was shameful and to act on them even more so. Looked at Tim with disgust and disappointment for it.

That scene in 4x09 in his father's hospital room was a painful glimpse into his childhood. To how he was treated for ever being emotional or needing help. So of course he’s not going to reach out for help. It’s deeply ingrained in him not to do as such. Breaks my heart. Grew up the same way. Being pegged as ‘Sensitive’ or mocked for what they perceived as emotional tantrums. When I was just a little person with emotions and didn't know how to regulate them. I was emotionally imbalanced because of my parents. Just like Tim is cause of his father. Blair is testing the water with her theory and striking gold in this moment. Quite the opening volley from her.

Grey starts on his own inquiry into how Lucy is. Clearly needing to since she exploded at their last call. Asking if she’s talked to Tim since the breakup? She is brief and just replies nope. Although her reply is brief her emotions are not. Just hearing his name is springing up tears to her eyes. Melissa aiming to do the same to me in this scene. Straight killing me at how damn sad she looks. I hate it so much. Lucy follows it up with saying she thought he didn't care about her personal life?

Oof giving me Tim flashbacks to 3x08. When she was questioning why they were talking about her personal life? Grey's answer obviously different in this instance. Telling her he cares if it affects her job. I mean he is Watch Commander. This is a valid thing to worry about. Also part of the reason for this ride along. To gauge where she is at and how it’s affecting her on the job. Grey connects the dots of Tim’s IA investigation and their breakup. Knowing it’s not a coincidence.

Tells Lucy as such that he can’t help but wonder if there’s a connection. I mean obviously there is. He’s just not going to get that out of either of them. He failed earlier with Tim. Also it's not the connection he think's it is. I do love her instinct to protect Tim regardless of the hurt. Was pressed and she doesn’t budge. That is a natural thing for her bad place or not. Lucy may not fully understand the why of it all. But she would never cast suspicion on him due to it. She just loves him and will protect him even when he has no idea. I’m not crying you are….*sniffle*

Lucy reinforces the idea it was nothing of the sort. That it was just weird timing that’s it. Then she goes into analysis mode. Which is her form of defense mechanism IMO. If she can try to understand it. Figure out the why. Maybe she can start to heal from it. Not have it drown her every single day. Lucy chalks it up to Tim not being emotionally available. I mean that is definitely part of the problem…

He is a disaster zone of a person right now. He’s occupied mentally in a way she has no idea about right now. At this point in time Tim doesn’t even know this about himself. Only that he wasn’t deserving of her love, that he is too toxic, and she’s better off without him. Has no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes for him. Neither does Lucy. It shows how painfully in the dark she is about what went down.

The sports comment is pretty comical though. I mean I totally get being emotional about sports. The Rangers ruined my mood for awhile when they were booted from the playoffs in June. We made it deep into the playoffs too. So I get the hurt. Regardless it’s a funny reply from Grey. Makes Lucy smile too which is a win right now. The look out the window had me cackling haha I love it so much. We need more of them.

Dr. London continues her barrage on Tim and I’m here for it. It’s the only way he responds to emotional stuff. Also I think Blair realizes if she doesn’t come at him hard, she won’t gain any ground with him. Doesn’t hold back when she compares Tim and Lucy to her line about how platonic love. How their's started out as a friendship and blossomed into so much more. *heart clutch* Eric kills me in these shop scenes.

We can feel and see the emotions he’s choking back. The sadness in his reply of ‘I was her T.O.’ He can feel the rush of emotions flooding in so he sends Aaron away. Tries to ward her off by saying he knows what she’s doing. Blair is getting under his skin quickly and he can feel the heat of it. She is poking at a raw nerve and it’s very evident. The looks on his face through out this scene make me wanna cry. Dr. London reminds him breakups evoke anxiety and depression in men.

Tim being Tim tries bravado this time. Saying he’s not depressed. (Ok babe…) That he’s the one who broke up with her. Trying to deflect but it isn’t working on her. Blair doesn’t relent and replies yes he did. BUT she can tell he has immense guilt around doing it. Which we know is true. He feels horrendous for breaking his person's heart. It’s eating at him like a cancer. Exuding out him so much he can’t use his usual tactics to hide it from her. She see's right through him. Like he's glass and she's peering in for a look.

Dr. London continues her pegging of him with this next part. My god does she have him dead to rights. Not only that but she’s getting through. She can’t see his face but if she could she would see it. Eric is masterful once again with his expressive emotions. We watch the range of emotions in this portion. Especially with his eyes. Always the eyes. She really hits home with her analysis of him. You can see it seeping in. I’m so bummed there isn’t a set of this scene. It’s so so good.

Bringing up how internalizing guilt and shame leads to self directed anger. If that isn’t our boy in a sentence. Sweet baby James. The part about self directed anger is this man to a tee. An absolute tee. The way he’s soaking in all her info has me deep in my feels. That guilt she mentioned is pouring out of him in this moment. Along with the shame and anger that is starting to build as well. The anger is because she draws a HARD line in the sand about this eval.

That if she can’t tell if he isn’t self destructive by EOD she’s gonna sideline him. How he can keep stonewalling her if he likes but it’s only gonna end in a psych eval. It is a rough way to come at him. But he needs it so badly. Lucy isn’t here to knock it into him. So I’ll be forever grateful Blair was. He of course reverts back to S1 Tim when Aaron re-enters. Snaps at him because he can’t handle the emotions coursing through him. So he takes it out on poor Aaron. What she said has hit very close to home. Sadly Aaron get the repercussions of that.

We go back to Grey and Lucy talking about Tamara. Their case involves a girl being scooped up from babysitting. Has her worried and Grey can tell. I adore him telling her what she’s done with Tamara is wonderful. That Lucy showed her unconditional love. The kind that healed her skeptical heart. Made her wanna launch back into the world due to it. It’s here Lucy circles it back to Tim. With her line about letting people you care about go. How could she not? It’s consumed all her thoughts for days and days. Grey picks up on it immediately. Asking if they’re still talking about Tamara?

This launches a Lucy rant of epic proportions. One I don’t think Grey is even close to be accustomed to lol She is finally ready to unload the emotional burden on her soul. Her reaction here is just further proof she had no idea why Tim did what he did. Also probably has zero idea he got half his unit killed. Bringing on his episode of self loathing. Which prompted the breakup. Saying she has no idea what happened to them. That she can’t stop thinking about it. Girl me too. It consumed a lot of my waking hours in that three week hiatus as well. Only difference is I got to know WHY Tim did it.

It didn’t make it less painful but it helped to know the why. This is where Lucy and I are a lot like. Needing to know the why helps me accept things. Otherwise I go insane. Like I stated earlier her defense mechanism is analysis. She was so damn blindsided by this. Her brain hasn’t caught up to any possibilities of why. Lucy was left in the dark from 6x05-6x06. Only let in with what I can assume was minimal surface level info about Ray. Otherwise her analysis brain could figure out why he did this if she knew EVERYTHING. If she did know she could cobble together exactly the why behind his reasoning.

Lucy going off saying she thought their relationship was worth more. The 'Unless it is.' haunting her. Haunting us all. I couldn't look at happy gifs for a long time.....She thought what they had was worth more than a cheap cop out. It was very cliched how he put it. Which was intentional I'm sure on the writers part. Made it seem like it was a cheap way out of their relationship. Clearly we know it’s SO much more complex than that. But she doesn’t know any of that. Which continues to leave her in the dark and it's painful to watch her struggle with that. I just want to tell her. *screams into a pillow* Instead of having a say in it Tim made the decision for her and it pisses her off.

As it should. It pisses me off. He took her voice and right to an opinion with their breakup. That is something he’s going to have to make up for. Lucy deserved so much better than how that breakup went down. She does deserve to be the one who decides if she wants better. Which she didn’t get to. Nor did she want better. That man was IT for her. And she is thought she was the same for Tim. It’s why her line about struggling with him letting go so easily hurts. Honestly It’s what adds another layer of tragedy to this whole breakup. The miscommunication even in the breakup itself is unreal. Lucy finishes off her rant perfectly though.

Saying even if she wanted total self destruction it was her damn life. Her friggin decision to make that call. Tim straight robbed her of that. Not only did he but left her holding the emotional bag afterward. It’s not right and it’s not fair. Our girl deserved so much better than how he handled that breakup. He has a lot to make up for in s7. But he knows that just not right now…Grey’s face to finish off the scene is everything. Knowing she needed to get that off her soul. That this is why he didn’t want her riding around solo today. This was a much needed spiral in a safe place. So well done Wade. Our girl needed this.

Blair doesn’t even have to wait for an opening in this next scene. Tim jumps in to defend himself about eviscerating Aaron. Saying it’s his style. She continues to read Tim like a frigging book. This is my favorite scene of the episode for him. Just because it’s so telling. Eric is incredibly expressive as she breaks him down. He feels trapped but also can’t deny what she’s telling him. Her assessment is out of the world good.

Another beautiful thing about this scene is she is attacking his problem at it's damaged root. Blair tells him he’s under a lot of stress it's clear. Not just the case though. Saying whatever went down between him and Ray must’ve been real bad for him to lose Metro. To be back on patrol. Tim doing his old move of deflection. Saying how he owns mistakes and moves on. Well he has half of that right… Our boy definitely owns his mistakes. Moving on is a whole other issue.

Dr. London is moving in for the kill at this point. Saying but he hasn’t moved on. How can he when his whole identity is wrapped up in acting honorably? Damn she has him pegged. If he could truly move on. Be solid in that statement we wouldn’t be here. If he could really reconcile with the past he wouldn’t have ended it with Lucy. He feels not worthy and very much not honorable enough to be with her. So he cut ties. *sad sigh* Tim cloaks himself in honor then condemns himself when he falls short of it. Which is why he can't move on. Just adds another pebble to his soul as it were.

Blair continues with her spot on assessment. Her guess being that has taken a devastating effect on his self esteem. We know it has. His entire life he hasn’t felt worthy or deserving. Has has always had the lowest self esteem about himself. Because mistakes were failure growing up. Mistakes of any kind. Which isn't ok. A healthy and good parents loves you through them. Teaches you there are lessons in mistakes. That it’s not the falling down it’s the not getting back up that’s failure. This man has been knocked down more times than I can count.

He got up every single time. Which is incredible and grew him to be resilient af. Sadly to Tim it’s the falling down that is failure. He never saw his getting back up as a positive thing. Just saw it as surviving and it was partly. He didn't see the goodness in getting back up because his father never did. He grew up in a household where mistakes were pain. Whether it was physical or emotional it was abuse for said mistake. Didn't matter what it was. So to Tim if he set high standards for himself. If he acted honorably his chances of mistakes or failure would decrease. (In his mind at least)

The problem with that is he’s human. We’re all human and fall short of expectations. No one set his except him. Hell I just dealt with this writing this review. I set this insane expectation of when I should've been done writing it and I didn't hit it. I was mad at myself for a expectation only I had set. It's the same for Tim. Whenever he fell short of being ‘honorable’ in his mind. It dinged his already fractured self-esteem. To the point where he has none. Lucy rebuilt it over the years. But it goes to show you how little he thinks of himself. That Ray coming back toppled all of that. Imploded it really in a matter of days.

She really brings it home here. Her pièce de résistance as it were. This is where Tim goes from huh? To Oh…Blair notes it’s why he’s been punishing himself. This catches Tim off guard because he’s truly confused. Like I said earlier I don’t know even know Tim knew the deep why of their breakup. He for sure had no idea he was doing this specifically. No doubt in my mind he had zero idea he was punishing himself. I didn't know I was in the story I'm going to use here in a bit.

Now he knew he wasn’t worthy. Knew he didn’t feel deserving of her love and comfort. Because he had acted so dishonorably. To Tim there’s no way she could love him after that. He projected 'Rules matter Boot. 'their entire relationship. Long before they got together. To Tim he created this infallible image of himself to her that he fell short of.

One he tried to instill in her as a cop. Yet he failed to do so. He couldn’t look at himself let alone make her do as such. That's what he understood about what he’d done. Which is insane cause she met him at his worst and still saw his good heart. But that's a rant for another time and place ha Suffice to say it was standard he was holding himself to that she wasn't. I get this so much it pains me.

Blair soldiers on in her explanation. Letting him know he’s depriving himself of something he loves. Something that brings him joy. I know this tactic all too well. I mentioned this in my mini. But feels appropriate to do so again in terms of relation. I do this myself. Tim and I are very alike it scares me honestly. When I fail at something I punish myself too. I feel I’m getting better at this. But this story is pre-therapy Caitlin lol.

Anyways I did this with my last job. I wasn’t good at it right away. I was close to being fired actually. My leader at the time was confident in my game plan to fix myself. I however was intent on punishing myself for being awful. I was mad I had failed in the first place. Pissed at myself for not being good right away. This clearly being the result of my childhood. Where I wasn’t allowed to make mistakes. If I did it resulted in emotional abuse in the form of the silent treatment. So going into adulthood I still held myself to higher standards than anyone ever set for me.

When I fell short of those standards I punished myself. So with this new job I denied myself music. It was something I loved dearly. So in turn until I got my act together I didn’t listen to it. Didn’t felt I deserved till until I rectified my mistake. My boss found out and told me not to be so hard on myself. That there was no need to punish myself. I hadn't even realized that's what I was doing till she said that. I still was hard on myself but allowed her faith in me to let myself listen to music again. It ended up being what saved me.

This is why I relate so hard to him doing this. Because I did it. My whole life. Tim doesn’t even realize till now he’s punishing himself this way. He’s denied himself his person. What brings him the most constant joy in his life? Lucy. Who is the radiant sunshine that made his life better? Lucy. So. In turn he is denying himself the one person he feels he doesn’t deserve. Punishing himself by denying himself her presence, he is simultaneously depriving himself of the happiness their relationship brings him. We know how happy she's made him. The highest form of penance is sacrificing that. Oh my broken boy.

I love her saying 'Or more accurately someone.' She saw what went down at the kit room. How Tim longingly looked at Lucy when she departed. Knows this man is still so in love with her. It’s obvious he hasn’t made this connection himself till she says this. We see it dawning on Tim. Her getting through to him. We watch as this hits Tim square in his chest. Or really his heart. She has struck a deep chord and it shows all over his reaction. Especially in the second gif. Tim is holding back actual tears as it hits him.

Ugh my heart. Damn you Eric. As quickly as he comes to this realization Aaron re enters the car. Tim has to readjust and adapt back to hard ass. Was bummed couldn't fit this in but he struggles with it. Aaron is smart enough not to ask if he’s ok twice… I do remember being excited by this scene. Because I felt it would propel him toward therapy. To knowing he needs help. All the signs can be there but you have to see the need for it. I'll be forever grateful to Dr. London for helping him see it.

Lucy spotting Tim and touching her tattoo. Melissa you’re killing me. But also don’t stop. I love that you do that. It makes me wanna cry though. Because we all know why she reaches for it. It’s to remind herself she’s a survivor. The only problem is that idea came from Tim….That entire grounding exercise is wrapped up in him. So it’s painful she has to now use it about him. It’s beautifully tragic and subtle.

Which is why it hurts so good. Mostly hurts atm. Until they’re reconciled anyways. It PAINS me to see how awkward they are with one another. To go from being so damn linked to this disjointed mess….I hate it so much. Eric and Melissa do it so well though. The body language and the nervousness pouring out of them. Lucy wanting to start something but not knowing where to begin. At a loss for words.

Tim doesn’t help her at all. Just stands there like an awko taco. That lyric ‘I’ve never been a fighter.’ Ringing through the silence. Ugh the music attacking us once again in the best way. This song is so good for this moment. I truly think having listened to it enough times now. Feel it’s Lucy POV with these lyrics. Which I’ll delve into more in the side notes. This entire scene just hurts. Like poking a unhealed wound.

I have to note this gif separately. Said this a lot this ep but damn you Eric. His precious little smile here is killing me softly. He’s spent the entire ep on pins and needles. Avoiding his feelings. Lashing out at everyone around him. Then being hit with some serious realizations. Then he sees sees Lucy and it appears. That Lucy smile of his. But he forgets he can’t be flashing that adorable smile to her anymore. He lost the right to find comfort in her presence when he walked away from them. From her.

The smile also kills me because he’s so in love with her. Look at that man above. It’s written all over that smile. It hurts to watch. I saw a great tag for this gif. ‘idk what hurts more his little smile or his shining eyes.’ Honestly? Both. They both hurt….Once again he has no right to be showing her those in love eyes paired with tears. Only hurts her more. Hell it’s killing me. It pains me he’s punishing them both for this spiral. This scene hurts so much but starting out with this smile. *sigh* I'm dying Timothy. You've killed me.

Truly blinded by his own shortcomings at the start of this scene. Thought he could just jump back in there and be normal. That there’s no way she loved him like he loved her. So she would be more normal and ok after their break up than him. My broken Timothy you hurt my heart on so many levels. Not only that but makes a joke about clocking out. He's nervous in his delivery of it too. Which he should be. He exploded them and is making small talk? Oh Tim. No....

Lucy calls him out instantly for it. I adore her for the stand she takes here. Not only not letting hide in small talk but getting her side in finally. Refusing to let him force normalcy on them when they never had a real talk. An actual adult convo. Insulted he wants to hide in chit chat. No matter the place they’re in Lucy is always going to tell him like it is. We all know he loves her for it even when it hurts like hell like this scene does.

Lucy reams him like she should. Letting out all the emotions she never got to express. Also what she’s been stewing on. Telling him what she has been holding onto the past week. Saying how he’s been so concerned with what she deserves. That he BLEW past them even having an adult conversation. Which he most definitely did. Also it saddens me the physical distance in this scene. They’re never ever that far apart. Very telling of where they are right know. I hate it.

You can see the discord between just by their physical distance. What kills me is she gives him a chance to rectify it. To have that convo. Tim deflects because the man is no where near ready for that kind of conversation. It reflects in his reply. He only continues to see he isn’t worthy of her. You are everything she wants you foolish man. He doesn't have a damn clue with that though. So he continues to push her back. Away from him and his turmoil.

It’s here I’m so proud of Lucy. She stands her ground and sets a boundary. Which is not easy BTW. It's insanely hard. Telling Tim he has a lot more to work on that she realized.... That she wishes him good luck with that. But she clearly isn’t the person to help him anymore. *heart clutch* My heart is on the ground again. I get it though. She is stepping away from him and how nuclear he is. It’s such a good boundary to set for herself. For her sanity really.

Another great quote from that book mentioned last ep. “A boundary is our only fighting chance at reclaiming our peace.” It’s the only way she can regain any semblance of peace. To move on from this and heal. Have couple more that are so appropriate here. “People who are irresponsible with our hearts shouldn’t be granted great access to them.” Tim hurt her heart so greatly. Betrayed her trust so deeply. This boundary is to protect herself. But also to keep Tim from having the access he once had. It's easy to see he isn't budging so even if it pains her she has to create distance for herself.

Final one “Love can be unconditional but access doesn’t have to be.” Lucy still loves that man unconditionally but can’t allow him to access her heart anymore. She gave him one last shot and he blew it. So she retreated like she should when he denied her. Does kill me she is clutching her tattoo end of this scene as well. It's what keeps that boundary in place and her feet moving forward. Breaking my heart all over again in an instant. I'll just be sobbing in the corner no big deal...

I was pleasantly surprised when we got another moment in Grey’s office. Thinking that was the end of it. I was hoping against hope Tim wanted to reach out and get help. This scene delivers in spades on that. Tim fully expecting to be mandated therapy. We can see he’s actually disappointed when she has a good review of him. Reporting it won’t affect his work. I’m glad she did because it’s prompts Tim to advocate for himself in this moment.

To say I’m proud of him is an understatement. To not only see he has work to do but reach out for the help to accomplish that. The relief this made me feel is immense. Tim says he was expecting her to say he had a lot of work to do on himself. Grey opens the dialogue asking if he does? Tim says he thinks so…Such a huge step for him. I could cry. Hell I was misty when this scene happened. Tim then asks what Grey thinks of him seeing her regularly?

Wade's reply makes me heart so happy. That it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. It really does. There is nothing scarier than asking for help. Especially with your mental health. Men have it easy in a lot of ways IMO. This is not one of them. They are told not to have feelings, or anxiety, god help them if they mental health issues. Tim coming to this place is incredible. This is a milestone scene for his character. I loved the writers tackling mental health this year. For doing it with Tim too. I could cry at how proud I am for him reaching out. For realizing something is amiss and knowing he needs to fix it.

As if this episode wasn’t making me cry enough. This final scene with Tamara gets me teary. Other than Tim and Lucy they’ve been my fav. Been beautiful to watch them both grow. It helped Tamara heal her untrusting heart. That unconditional love Lucy gave her never wavered. It helped rebuild her faith in people. In herself. I know it helped Lucy heal from Jackson. To show her to open her heart again after losing him.

They healed one another and it makes me emotional writing about it. They’re sisters and family all wrapped up in one. Hard to watch Lucy lose another piece of her life though. Truly hope this pain and loss helps her grow. If there is anything I've learned in therapy is that. Growing through the pain. I hope s7 treats her kindly after this harsh season. It’ll be make all the hurt she goes through so much better. I’ll be fascinated to see how s7 starts for her. How it progresses.

Where she’s at emotionally and mentally. My heart hurts for her in this season. So very much. I can’t even explain the level of ache I feel for Lucy. Our girl deserves the world and more. I hope she explores herself more next season. Tunes into how she doesn’t tend to take care of herself. Think she is on a growth journey of her own. It starts here though. I’ll be excited to see how s7 plays out for her. The end. of this scene is funny. Lucy begging her not to tell the car story at dinner LOL

This is gigantic growth right here. Coming here like this. Telling Dr. London that he was thinking on all she said. He is going against his better nature and reaching out. Admitting something is wrong and doing something about it. I know how hard it is to reach a place where you do this. What’s so beautiful about this development is Tim seeing he needs help. It's why he's here. He can feel something inside him is broken. He doesn’t know how to fix it so he is reaching out to someone who does. Tim can tell something is wrong and just wants to fix it.

To understand why and to get better. It is not a light decision to start therapy. It really isn’t. I ran away from my feelings for years. Damn near a decade really. Made light of the abuse I had growing up. Would crack jokes about it even. Because that was my defense mechanism. It was easier than dealing with what really happened to me. Ignoring how emotionally unstable and imbalanced I was due to it. I spent most of my 20s running away from help. From therapy. When it was brought up to me I would shoot it down like Tim. Call it nonsense and how I didn’t need it. I was also like Tim (Still am. WIP over here) and wrapped my identity up in the same stuff.

Being so fucking harsh on myself it was unreal. I still struggle with giving myself grace. I feel I’ve gotten better but it’s still a daily battle. It’s hard to explain the feeling you get when you know you can’t out run your demons anymore. There is just something that goes off inside you like an alarm. It tells you it doesn’t feel right, that you don’t know how to fix it, but it is time you ought to. All I know is it is different for everyone. What set me off is very different from Tim’s. His was a past mistake that came with a side of buried trauma.

Mine was a kind comment meant to make me feel good. Also some buried trauma. I was helping this sweet old lady who was a client of mine. She noted the earrings I was wearing and said they were nice. Told her my mom gave them to me with no emotion in my tone. I’ll never forget the sweet look in her eyes as she told me ‘Your mother must love you very much.’ What should’ve been a nice comment was a huge trigger for me. My mother is some of my deepest seated trauma. It set me off like nothing ever has before.

Her saying that unlocked this pandoras box of emotions. One I spent nearly a decade suppressing. I got into my car afterward and cried. I texted my sister telling her I think it was time I got help. I felt something was wrong. Wrong enough to do something about it. My repressed emotions had clawed to the surface for air. I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I had to get help. Something was broken and I needed the help to fix it. So that brings us back to Tim in this moment. To why he is standing here right now before Dr. London.

He tells her she is right. That he is mad at himself. We can see the realization just wash over Tim. Like he’s opening his eyes for the first time in forever. We can also see the disappointment on his face when she says tomorrow. He is wanting to talk about this right then and there. I’m same way (shock surprise I know.) Blair sees this and asks if it’s an emergency? Tim doing what he does best says no. Trying to do the “honorable” and not burden her with his needs. Because it’s easy to see yourself as a burden to everyone when you’ve been treated like one most of your life.

It’s what makes Tim digging deep and saying no I need this now below so massive. Watching him advocate for himself *sigh* I wanna cry. Because this scene is HUGE for him. I remember thinking to those who were hating on him at the time. If you can’t grasp how groundbreaking this is. You don’t get his character at all. Nor have you ever struggled with mental health issues or asking for help. Anyone who was nasty about his mental health made me so mad. To be that cold and insensitive meant to me you were emotionally immature yourself. I'll die on that hill happily.

If you need help understanding Tim in this moment or this episode please use my experience. What happened with me and what it took to bring me to therapy. Because they are similar. That is this man in this moment. Realizing Ray resurfaced all his demons. They came up for air and weren’t going away this time. Just like mine. This is Tim’s ‘Come to Jesus’ moment in regard to his mental health. He’s standing here because everything Dr. London told him rang true. Hit a chord inside him it was time to get right.

The thing is he doesn’t know how to handle it. Which is why he is reaching out like this. I do wanna say Lucy got him to a better place for him to do this. S1 Tim wouldn’t have reacted this way to Dr. London. Not at all. I don’t wanna forget the impact she’s had on him. But this is not Lucy’s problem to fix. She even stated that in their scene together. She is not the one which sucks. But this is not her journey to be on. A healing journey is a very personal and vulnerable thing. It’s one you have to do by yourself. (And with your therapist)

My friends and family helped prep me for mine. I’m so grateful for that. To get me to place where I could see I needed the help. But it was up to ME to take that first step. That's what this scene represents for Tim. Taking that ever so painful and scary first step into healing. Tim can see the work he has to do and that is progress. I truly truly hope he continues therapy in s7.

Despite Blair. I’m so excited they went this path with him. Didn’t just try and fix them and gloss over the fact he needs help. Appreciate the proper care they took with this SL. It also may not have felt like it at the time. But it’s paving a path of healing for them in the future. Tim’s head right will be best for them when they heal and reunite. Phew This was a doozy to tackle. I hope you all enjoyed it. And those who didn’t read my mini can see Tim’s POV and the WHY of everything. As I’ve said many times it is not to excuse but to explain.

Side Notes-Very Much Chenford

This will be Chenford related . I wanted a section to go over this glorious song 'The Ventura Exit.' Just wasn't room in the review to do it. So I'm doing it my side notes. More I listened to it the more it was perfect for this episode. Especially with what Lucy's is going through. It feels very much from her POV. The lyrics hit so much and have to be acknowledged IMO. First couple are just angsty musings from the song. They clearly aren't canon but evoked these thoughts in me. Others felt more canon driven.

"The first night I woke up four times on your side of the bed." This lyric could be said of the both of them. But this makes me think of her reaching out to his side in middle of the night. You know she probably still had on and off nightmares about DOD. Reaching out to him being a default for her. I could see that first night of their breakup this happening. This song put stuff in my head I had to get out lol

"Fighting muscle memory expecting a hand to be there when I reach out. Taking the Ventura exit to your house." This song is playing through out the rest of the episode. You can hear the lyrics if you really listen. I'm sure she fought the auto pilot to his house during that week as well. I know we only see them at her place but you know she was over there a lot too. Probably had her own drawer and all that. "I don’t hate you, but the more I think on it you let me down (You couldn’t see me. You stopped believing)" This encapsulates everything in this episode for Lucy. She doesn't hate him but he let her down SOOO much. He couldn't see her in their fight. He stop believing in them. Believing in her. So heartbreaking how perfect this song is. I wanna cry. "I miss you, I miss you, I’ll never forgive you. I wish I was with you I miss you I miss you I’ll always forgive you." I loved it ending on this lyric. Starts out with anger and never forgiving then it does. Because that is true of Lucy. She misses him so much but is so damn angry with him. But wishes she was with him. Which is why the ending lyric being that gets. me in the feels. We know she'll always forgive him. She loves this man too much not too.

I believe that's what we'll see in s7. Especially with him working on himself. That and giving her whatever doses she allows for him to show how much she means to him. This lyric made me hopeful for the first time since 6x05. If you don't have this song I highly recommend buying it. Not only is is perfect for this episode and them. It's just a REALLY good song. You can listen to it in full in the link I posted though. Thank you for all the likes, comments ( I LOVE comments don't be shy ha ) and reblogs. You are the reason I do these. I shall see you in 6x08 :)

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jeonscatalyst · 2 months ago

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Hi there

Sorry for any grammar or spelling issues English is not my first language. I was never a fan of bts I have heard about them bt was never really interested. So about a year ago or I think in the beginning of this year I saw a reel on YouTube abt TH and JK at the airport where TH was trying to hold JK hand and I didn't understand ppl where commenting abt how they were finally coming out and JK was shy or scared and all I could think abt was that JK body language was "the hell you trying to hold my hand for" that's what I got. Remember now I didn't know them didn't even know their names bt that reel was just cringe for me,and I didn't even know there was shipping going on in bts😩... Bt about 6or7 weeks ago a saw a funny video of them on insta and rm caught my attention so I searched their songs on YouTube became a instant fan bt then I got obsessed with jimin. Well suddenly all these tkk reels started coming on my tml and I was curious at first because there were so many tkk stuff and ppl always commenting under posts tkk is real I looked Into that first and I got to say I don't know how ppl can say they a couple bc I didn't even know abt jkk and those tkk stuff got me messed up coz when a saw a vmin reel I was like yeah they can maybe be a couple bt Def not tkk so I started searching jimin Omg that man is heaven Send... And low and behold jkk stuff popped up on my time line, my god when I tell you about the butterflies I felt when a saw that reel about 2018 where it looks like JK wanted to devour jm I knew a was at the right place.. Now I still don't know very much abt jkk I'm still looking into it bt for me who didn't even know bts or abt tkk, vmin, and jkk and learning about tkk before even knowing abt the other 2 bt saw at first glance that no a big hell No are the a couple, now for me that says alot because I would vmin a chance of being real before tkk. And can you maybe tell where and what I can watch to know more abt bts and jkk... I really love all 7 so much.

Hi anon.

No don’t worry, your English is fine and welcome to the world of BTS and shipping even though it’s crazy out here so buckle up lol.

I guess some people see something in taekook while others don’t and you happen to be one of those who doesn’t. For me, it’s always been clear that taekook are just friends not just because I couldn’t see anything beyond friendship but because all the evidence and common sense points to them being just friends but I guess not everyone sees things the same way and that’s why we still have tons of taekookers out there.

As for Jikook, they’ve always been the most likely pair to be real to me not just because of what I see or feel about them but because there’s been alot of that has strongly pointed to the possibility of them being more than friends over the years. I cannot swear that we are right about them being a couple because we never know but I know for a fact that they have and have always had an incredibly deep bond. Also, I am positive that taekook are nothing more than friends, no matter what taekookers would like to say about them and the solo era.

I would advise that you try to find and watch as much original content as possible. You can find some on Youtube, daily motion, weverse etc. Try to avoid youtube, instagram or tiktok edited videos because those tend to take out alot of context which makes you misunderstand alot of their interactions or moments. You can also check out @stormblessed95 blog. She has done an incredible job in explaining their dynamics and breaking things down. She is also the best person to go to if you need to find a specific content. To know more about the other members you can follow member focused accounts on any social media platform but make sure you are not following toxic or delusional shippers or solos because they could influence you to start hating on or being shady towards other members. Find content like run bts, In the soop, Bon Voyage to really get to know them. You can also watch their Vlives from weverse. Those are good places to start and you can always send in asks if you have questions about anything. Hope you have a great time catching up with content anon💜

#jikook #taekook #jimin #jungkook #my asks #jikook blog

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dotster001 · 1 year ago

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Requests are open!! May I request a Lilia x reader that is lovers to enemies?? (You can choose why or if the ending is angst or fluff.) stay safe!!

A Lesson in Humanity

Summary: Lilia x gn!reader

CW: death, war (not on screen), injury, (how do I say this next one without spoiling the whole thing? Um...) There are drugs involved, angst, alternate universe

M/F=whichever parental term you'd have Silver refer to you by.

A/N: this ask....when I started it I thought it would be short and easy.... 😂

Your kingdom was on the outskirts of the Valley of Thorns. Despite the fact that in the last century, nobody had even heard from the queen, let alone glimpsed her army, tensions were always high, both for the fae who lived within the human kingdom, and the humans who lived in the fae one.

But a new era was dawning. And you'd worked hard to get here. You'd quickly risen through the ranks, and become your Queen's favorite diplomat. When you shared your dream of peaceful relations, she had fallen into the dream right alongside you.

So here you were. At the palace in the Valley of Thorns. Awaiting an audience with the Queen of the dark fae. You were surprised to see an older woman, similar to what the Queen was described as, but aged like a fine wine, and with an aura of power that nearly sent you to your knees.

As she walked in, behind her walked a boy, no less formidable, his emerald eyes icy and piercing.

And behind him, with a light hearted skip in his step, a man. His dark hair in a loose braid that exposed the magenta streaks in his hair. His eyes were just as incisive as the boys, but his face was less lined, less tense. He seemed to be enjoying things.

“Y/N L/N. Welcome to our kingdom. We are most excited to see what changes you can bring to our court,” the queen (?) said.

You bowed deeply, taking the opportunity to collect your thoughts in the midst of these very intimidating people.

“I am honored to be given this opportunity. I hope I don't let you down,” You said as you rose from your bow.

“See that you don't.”

The first visit was spent with you doing most of the talking, discussing where your kingdom was at in the modern era, discussing ways you hoped to improve relations, offering up various items you'd been given permission to trade in order to set up a trade route between your nations. You were exhausted. The two pairs of emerald eyes seemed to be searching your soul, while the magenta pair seemed thoroughly amused.

At length, you were dismissed for the evening, and the man with magenta eyes escorted you to your room.

“Chin up. You did well,” he said lightly as you walked.

It was the first time you'd heard him speak, and you were startled by the deep tone.

“Oh. Uh, thank you,” you choked out.

“Fu fu, you can relax around me. I'm trying to achieve the same things you are.”

He stopped walking, and held out a hand to you.

“Lilia Vanrouge,” he said.

You knew that name. Why did you know that name?

“Y/N L/N,” you shook his hand in return.

“Word of advice, don't give the fae your name,” he grinned maliciously.

You held back an eye roll. “Aren't we trying to do away with the old stereotypes?”

His grin deepened, and his eyes darkened. “That's not a stereotype, darling human.”

You didn't believe him, you really didn't. But he was definitely holding onto the bit for a slightly uncomfortable amount of time. Maybe fae humor was just different.

“Anyway, I'm sure you'll learn all about that during your stay here. Just as I'll learn about your human customs when I live with you.”

“Are you the fae diplomat, then?” You asked.

“Of course I am! Don't I seem so reliable?”

He began walking again, and you hastened your gait to catch up. For someone with such short legs, he was fast.

“In the spirit of honesty, Y/N, the reason you recognize my name is because you have heard of me.” He stopped abruptly, turned to you, and gave a mock salute. “General Lilia Vanrouge of her majesty's armies.”

You knew fae lived for a long time. But this man was a murderer. He'd killed many humans in his time. He was the Boogeyman that parents told their children about. And now he was fighting for peace?

You almost couldn't believe this was the person whose name was only spoken in whispers.

“You're confused. But that's fine. You're young. When you live a couple hundred years, you gain a perspective on things. Rest assured, I am the largest proponent of peace in this kingdom. I am your ally. And I will do what I need to do to make things right,” he said firmly. And you believed him. Seven help you, but you really believed him. So you nodded, and he smiled brightly. He pointed to the door down the hall.

“That's where you'll be staying. If you need me, just say my name, and I'll be there.”

And in a cascade of pink sparks, he was gone.

….

You'd both fallen hard. Perhaps it was your shared passion for a similar goal. Perhaps it was the allure of being from different species. Perhaps it was the day you'd seen him training shirtless, and couldn't look away.

But your relationship was a fire that only fueled the desire to bring the relations between your kingdoms closer. You complimented each other. Brought out the strengths in each other. And the last three years had breezed by, both of your dreams coming closer and closer to fruition.

Lilia broke the kiss you'd been trapped in for the last five minutes, and breathed against your lips.

“You should come live with me.”

“You say that everytime we're alone together,” you giggled, chasing his lips, him playfully dodging.

“And I mean it every time. Come live with me.”

“I don't think that my queen would be pleased to lose her favorite diplomat.”

“Sometimes I think she's in love with you, too, and she's using your position to keep you from me.”

“Very funny,” you snickered, “she'd rather the three of us be a package deal.”

“Fair,” he whispered, kissing you again, seeming to distract himself with you by accident, before pulling away again.

“But I'm really serious this time,” he said sternly, reaching into his pocket, and pulling out a black ring.

“Lilia,” you breathed out.

“I've been thinking about how we aren't getting any younger.”

You held back a snort at that. He looked exactly the same as the day you met him. But you remembered like it was yesterday the day he'd noticed a single silver strand in your hair. Just one. That's all it had taken for him to lock himself in his head for an hour as he held you tightly. You hadn't had any since, and you'd been pretty certain it was probably from stress, but Lilia had been a little shaky ever since then.

“We love each other. We shouldn't let that slip away,” he whispered.

You found yourself nodding, giving into his love filled eyes, but as you felt the cold ring slip onto your finger, you spoke up.

“One condition. We'll be engaged, but we won't get married until we've brought about peace.”

He groaned. “That could take forever!”

“Think of it as a way to celebrate the future unification of our people.”

He whined, imitating a child.

“Fine, but only if you live with me,” he pouted.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't hold back a grin.

“Okay, Vanrouge. I think we can work that out.”

….

The letters from home were….concerning. You'd thought you were making progress, but the queen had just announced her engagement to a fae duke she had met during one of her visits to the Valley of Thorns. And the reactions were less than ideal.

You put away the reading glasses that you were using, and rubbed your eyes with a groan. It always felt like one step forward, ten steps back.

Lilia would not be excited to postpone the wedding again. When you'd gotten the newest prescription of reading glasses, he'd been far more insisting about getting married sooner rather than later. But you intended to make him keep his promise.

“Why are you so distressed?” A voice called.

You turned to see the young fae prince, watching you expectantly.

Over the years you'd learned that he seemed cold, but that didn't mean anything. He was a sweet kid. He viewed Lilia as a father. It was endearing. A glimpse at a future you could have one day.

”I'm alright, your highness. Just feeling overworked.”

He tilted his head to the side, thinking. “Perhaps grandmother would allow you and Lilia to go on a trip.”

“That sounds nice, your highness, but I don't have time for-” you trailed off as you heard shouting in the hall outside, some knights bursting into your study and talking over themselves.

That is until they saw the prince, and shut themselves up, bowing deeply and apologizing to the prince.

You sighed internally. Both you and Lilia knew that treating the boy like a god was leaving him very lonely. You'd both been discussing ways to socialize him a bit more, but it was just as difficult as bringing lasting peace. And it didn't help that, despite his youth, he already possessed unmatched power.

“What's going on?” You interrupted, making the knights turn back to you.

“General Lilia, he-”

“We tried to stop them-”

Thunder boomed outside, and you quickly turned to the prince.

“Your highness, I'm sure he's fine,” you assured, trying to calm down what was already a torrential downpour. He turned to you, eyes distressed, and he nodded, only to be interrupted by the knights.

“He's not.”

“We're doing what we can, but-”

“It looks bad.”

“Where is he?” You asked, grabbing Malleus' hand as you stood.

“Medical wing.”

You intended to walk Malleus and yourself to the medical wing, but the world around you burst into green sparks and darkness, and the next thing you knew you were looking at a non responsive Lilia.

“Thank you, your highness,” you groaned, trying to catch your bearings again.

He didn't respond, simply staring at Lilia. You looked over at a doctor, and they shook their heads. You released a sob, and fell to the floor, crying into his stomach. Thunder boomed, and you felt Malleus' much smaller hand fit into yours, squeezing it tightly. You sat up, and pulled him into what you hoped was a comforting hug. He didn't cry, but you could feel him shaking.

“Oh crumbs!” You heard a shout, followed by a sharp intake of breath, as the bed next to you jostled.

You looked over and saw Lilia staring at you with wide eyes.

“Sevens! You scared the hell out of me!” You sobbed, throwing your arms around him. “Don't ever do that again!”

“I don't intend to. The underworld seems very boring,” he groaned. Before you could ask, you were unceremoniously pulled away as the medics began to work on him again.

You turned to Malleus, but he was gone.

“What happened?” You asked over the hubbub.

“Apparently the Queen was betrothed to a human lord, when she was just a child, and he's not happy that she broke it off for a fae. He's sending an army, and I got run through by his scout,” he laughed bitterly. “I'm getting old, Y/N, I'd never have missed him in my heyday.”

“Oh hush, middle aged is not old,” you laughed through the tension, brushing away more tears. This was not good. Not for Lilia, not for you, not for your dreams….and not for the kingdoms. But at least he was alive.

Green sparks filled your vision, and Malleus had returned.

“My grandmother wants an audience with you when you can move, Lilia.”

Lilia nodded, and reached out for Malleus. “It's going to be okay. I promise.”

The next week went by in a blur. Even though Lilia had assured you that now that he'd seen the underworld he had no intention of going back, there were several rough nights, where he was racked with fever as infection came and went.

The second he was allowed to leave the bed, he took his requested audience with the queen. After a tense hour, he had sat you down on the sofa in your study, as he paced. At length, he sighed and turned to you.

“An army is indeed coming. It's nothing we can't handle, but considering how injured I was, the queen is rightfully concerned.”

You nodded.

“She has asked me to take the prince, and live in the forest with him until she deems it safe. In the meantime, I'm supposed to teach him, train him, and make sure that I heal properly. Come with me.”

You bit your lip. “Is that an option right now? Won't they need me, at least on the human side of things?”

“This isn't the time for a diplomat. This is the time where the royals have to hold the discussion. This is the time where advisors write up a peace treatise, and make promises. They don't need diplomats until later. And I'm certain your queen would rather know you were safe with me until she needs you.”

He made good points. And you had no idea how long this would go on. The thought of being without Lilia after having to see his dead body was not a thought you enjoyed having. So you agreed. Despite your hesitation, you decided to trust him.

….

The cabin was quaint. It was cozy, very domestic, and, after banning Lilia from the kitchen, it was very safe. And with Malleus, you could almost pretend the three of you were the picture perfect family. Lilia handled the magic training, you handled the literature and the manners, and the emotional aspect of parenting. (Lilia had tried that last one, but had ended up making the young prince cry. Now only you are in charge of emotional development.)

A warrior-strategist, and a scholar. The perfect parenting team to make one well rounded individual. Hopefully.

Lilia was in contact with the queen, but evidently the army had been more formidable than anyone could have expected from a rebel offshoot. Evidently, some fae had joined this human in his crusade, also unhappy at the attempts to bridge the gap.

You had attempted early on to keep track of the passage of time, but soon lost track. It was long enough that Malleus had had a growth spurt, and now towered over both you and Lilia. He was, evidently, in his angsty teenage phase, despite being a couple hundred years old. But in this time, he'd grown strong, learned self defense, and gained control over his magic.

It was wonderful to watch him grow. But the longer you were here, the more concerned you got for the future of your dreams.

“Y/N, I'm back,” Lilia called. You and Malleus were in the kitchen making dinner. Lilia had been out scavenging for berries as a treat for after dinner.

“In the kitchen!” You called. He peaked in.

“Can you come out here, please? I need to talk to you.”

His expression looked serious, so you gave Malleus a couple instructions on what to do next, then walked out into the living space with Lilia. He was facing the window.

“Is it news from home?”

“No. Please sit.”

You sat down, waiting with nerves on edge about what he didn't want to say in front of Malleus.

He turned to you, and you noticed a bundle in his arms. Then the bundle moved.

“What is seven's name?” You stood up, rushing to him.

A child. Not just a child. A baby.

“Lilia, what is this?”

“I would think that was self explanatory, my love,” he snickered, gently passing you the baby boy. He was beautiful. And very asleep.

“His parents-”

Lilia shook his head, removing his coat, and setting down the basket of berries.

“I can't explain it, but he's been abandoned for a long time. No one is coming for him.”

“How do you know?”

“The magic on him serves a very specific purpose. No one is coming for him.”

The boy opened his eyes, his auroral hues blinking up at you sleepily. You were so absorbed in them, that you were surprised when you felt Lilia 's arms wrap around the both of you.

“You're a good parent. You've proved it with Malleus.” He whispered in your ear, a seductive lilt in his tone. “And a human child raised by a human diplomat, and their fae general husband, alongside the future fae king, would further the relations of our people.”

You nodded slowly.

“Can we keep him?” He whispered, his lips pressed directly to the shell of your ear.

You looked at the boy, then at Lilia, who was solely watching you, fixing you with the saddest expression.

You smiled softly, leaning in to kiss him.

“Of course we can.”

…..

It had taken Malleus some time to adjust to the new baby. But soon he was reading to it, telling it all about his kingdom, promising to take care of him forever.

Within a couple years(? To be honest you couldn't be sure, time living with fae went differently) Lilia insisted that Silver start training with himself and Malleus. You protested; your son had difficulty staying awake, and didn't have nearly the power that they both had, but both Lilia and Malleus had been insistent. They could feel the magic inside the boy, they assured you. And besides, with his build, and clear intelligence, he would make a great knight. Malleus would want people he was close to as his advisors in the future, and for that they would need experience. And with Malleus and Lilia pouting at you like that, and Silver just happy to be included, you couldn't say no for long.

You knew time was passing, but only because Silver was growing. You were told Malleus was probably at his full height and appearance, but you could barely test the passage of time that way anyway.

One day, an unfamiliar man arrived at the cabin. He slipped you a business card, that read,

Dire Crowley, Headmage of Night Raven College

“I'm here to observe your boys. Both of them will be old enough to attend not that far apart, and we like to scout early. The Dark Mirror says both show a lot of promise.”

Lilia seemed ecstatic, so you nodded along. They wouldn't be ready for college that soon, would they?

The scouting went well, but you found yourself increasingly concerned when you heard some of the things that both boys had done to train. Things you hadn't heard about.

But you didn't say anything. Not until the boys were in bed, and the Headmage was gone.

“When did you take them to the middle of the forest and leave them?”

“Oh, that, don't worry about it, they're fine.”

“And what's this about you going with them? Wasn't the whole point for them to build relations with their peers and gain independence?”

“It's just for protection-”

“So, Silver and I will be alone for a year, then Silver will leave me the next year, and I'll be all by myself, when the boys are supposed to be figuring out how to live without you, and you are supposed to be helping me clean up after the war?”

“There's a long time before then-”

“Is there?”

“Yes. And you can come with me. When we're married we can get married student housing-”

“We don't even know if we'll be married yet!”

“Why not?”

“Look at us, Lilia! We've been living in the woods for who knows how long, because of the dangers back home! Do you call that peace?”

He stared at you, then said, “Let's call it off. The promise. Let's just get married now.”

“First off, that's a terrible idea, based on how different our parenting style appears to be. Which, again,” this brought you back to what started the conversation, “how did I not know about your training exercises?”

“The boys and I knew you wouldn't like them, so we all agreed not to say anything.”

“I would have noticed if my sons were missing for a week!” You shouted.

“M/F?” You turned around, and there was Silver, looking at you with sad eyes.

“I'm sorry,” he whimpered.

“No, it's not your fault, baby, I just get worried about you, that's all,” you hugged him close, noticing Malleus staring at you from within the bedroom. He didn't move to get up, just looked at you for a moment, then looked away.

“You go back to bed, love, Father and I are done chatting,” you said. You watched Silver walk back to bed, shutting the door behind him. Then you walked to your bedroom that you shared with Lilia, hearing him follow close behind.

You snatched a pillow off the bed, grabbed your sleep wear, and walked back out, shutting the door behind you before he could say anything, and setting yourself up on the couch for the night.

It was three days before you spoke to Lilia again. Not that he didn't try. And not that the boys didn't seem to be trying to guilt you. You just…had to reflect.

Perhaps you weren't on the same page anymore…

That third afternoon, you went out on a walk to clear your head. Perhaps this was your fault. You'd lived with fae for so long, that you'd forgotten that there would be things you disagreed on, based on your species, and cultures. Perhaps you should have just talked to him, instead of being angry. You sighed, and returned back to the cabin.

When you stepped inside, you were greeted with soft pink lighting, and roses lining the walls, and windows. And standing before you, was Lilia.

“Before you yell at me again, the boys are camping outside tonight. I didn't drop them in the middle of the woods.”

You smiled softly. Until the smell hit you. Sevens. Lilia had made you dinner.

“I made you a romantic apology meal. Just for the two of us. And the boys were so sweet, they insisted on making things for themselves so that you and I could have all of it.”

You bit your tongue. He was trying to apologize. No need to say anything.

“Well! Dig in!” He said excitedly as you sat at the kitchen table.

The dinner was silent at first, Lilia eating, and you trying not to die.

“I heard from my queen. We can come back now. Though,” he groaned bitterly, “you have a lot of work cut out for you on your end, from the sounds of it.”

“I always do. Did she say why?”

“No, just that it wouldn't be easy to handle.”

He went quiet again, then put his silverware down, looking directly at you.

“I meant it. We should throw out our initial deal, and just get married when we get back.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but he cut you off.

“Even if we get a lasting peace between our two kingdoms, it won't really do anything. Not right away. It'll take years and generations for our nations to fully achieve the dream across every nation of fae and human. I can't wait forever. And neither can you.”

“Of course I can wait,” you laughed. “Until we live in a world where children don't have to hide in the woods, it feels selfish to get married.”

He huffed. “I get that. I do. But what happens if it doesn't happen in your lifetime?”

“Lilia,” you sighed tiredly. “I'm asking you to respect this one request. I let you do a lot, live mostly the way you want me to, all I ask is that we wait. In the meantime, we teach our boys how to be good men.”

He looked like he wanted to fight, but seeing the certainty on your face, he fell into silence, eating the rest of the dinner quietly, then pushing out of his chair, slipping into your lap, and trapping you in a passionate kiss.

The next day was spent packing, and preparing the boys for royal life, and what that meant for them. And then, just like that, your days spent in the cabin in the woods were over.

The castle looked untouched, but the destroyed landscaping spoke volumes. Everything in your study was as you left it. But you didn't have time to enjoy it, because the Queen had informed you that your Queen had died, and left the Fae duke she'd married, now the king, with a half human child. Apparently, both of them needed you. You were sent on your way before you had a chance to talk to Lilia or the boys.

It wasn't for several more months that Lilia could come join you. He barely wanted to let you go. You couldn't blame him, nor would you try to stop him. You felt so ragged. So worn down. You just needed him to hold you for a while.

He told you Silver had to remain in the Valley of Thorns now that he was officially training, but that he had his birthday party next month, and both his queen and your king had given you leave to attend.

You were so glad. Things around here had finally been settling, so you'd hoped to come see Lilia and your boys in a more permanent capacity soon.

He'd begrudgingly left, his face pained as he separated from you.

You were so tired. And as the next month went by, you began to think to yourself that, if Lilia asked you to go forward with the wedding this time, you'd say yes. You were so tired. So much pain. So lonely. You needed your boys.

And it wasn't until you were at Silver’s party that you realized what was wrong.

You knew it was Silver’s birthday. But how was he eleven already? That….that couldn't be right? You'd barely aged a day, since….

Your eyes widened, and you were rocked with a wave of nausea. Silver looked up from his cake, his eyes wide in concern.

“M/F, are you alright?” He whispered.

“Yeah, I just need to grab something from my study before I forget.”

Before he could say anything, you rushed out of the party room, and into your study. You locked the door behind you, and turned to the mirror you had hanging on the wall.

You stared in increasing horror. You should be showing signs of aging at this point. There should be more lines on your face. More of your hair should have changed color. This wasn't right.

You hadn't heard him enter the room, but Lilia scared you when he pressed his lips to your neck.

“If you're worried, you're as beautiful as the day I met you,” Lilia whispered seductively.

“That's the problem, isn't it,” You laughed dryly. “I shouldn't be.”

You felt him stiffen behind you, before laughing it off.

“Well, you do need prescription glasses now, but I'll always love you, no matter how old you get.”

“Lilia,” you said, feeling empty. You turned to him, horror beginning to overtake your features. “How long did we live in the woods?”

“Listen-”

“Please, I'm begging you. Tell me this isn't something you did. I'll believe you, just explain what's going on.”

“Y/N-”

“There were no mirrors in the cabin, and I had no way of tracking the days…Sevens, you did that on purpose!”

“Now hang on-”

“What the fuck did you do?” You finally screamed out, the full implications sinking in.

He froze, his expression unreadable. Then he began to tremble ever so slightly.

“I can't lose anyone else. Especially not you.”

You sat on the floor, your body no longer able to support itself.

“Oh sevens…”

“I slipped a potion into your food every single day. It extended your life, and froze your body from that point on.”

“Lilia,” you spoke hoarsely, “why didn't you ask if that was what I wanted?”

“You wouldn't even marry me! Why should I have believed you'd agree to immortality?” He shouted, beginning to pace, in anger or fear, you couldn't be sure.

“So, what then? You were just going to keep me drugged on this forever and ever? When did you plan to start drugging Silver? When he's fully grown, or can you even wait that long?”

“That's not fair!”

“I'm tired, Lilia! Without you telling me how long we lived there, I can feel that I shouldn't still be continuing the way I am!”

“That's just because of the withdrawal!” He said, hastily pulling a bottle out of his pocket. “Take some more, you'll feel better.”

“No!” You pulled the engagement ring off your finger, and made your way to the door.

“You're acting like a child,” he shouted behind you.

You ignored him as you opened the door, only to see Malleus standing in front of it, an emerald fireball in his hand.

“Please, Y/N, just listen to Lilia. I do not want to have to hurt you.”

“Step aside,” you said.

“No. You're acting irrationally. You need to relax,” Malleus said firmly, and you began to feel drowsy.

“No, Malleus, this is wrong,” you groaned out as you felt your consciousness fading.

"I thought so too. But Lilia showed me that it was the only way. You both are my only family…”

You wanted to protest that this is not how you treat people you love. But all you were aware of was Lilia’s arms around you as you collapsed.

You awoke to the cold metal of a spoon pressed to your lips.

“Eat,” Lilia said lightly. He didn't seem nearly as distraught as he was during your argument.

“What happens if I stop taking the potion?” You asked with a glare.

He stiffened, setting the spoon down.

“You've already been off it for several months. I'm certain you're already feeling the effects. Your outside will remain the same, but age will quickly catch up to your mind and your inside. I give you three months before you are bed bound.”

He pressed the spoon to your lips again, seemingly believing that the revelation would make you want it. You kept your mouth firmly shut.

He stared at you, the anger quickly returned to his face. He threw the spoon across the room, then buried his head in his hands.

“You can't do this to me. You can't let me watch you die.”

“I'm going to do exactly that!”

“You! Fine! Get out then!” He shouted. “Give up on me and our dreams. I just hope you realize how stupid it is before it's too late.”

You stood up, your legs feeling weak, but you couldn't let him see the weakness. You might lose your only chance to leave. You stormed out.

You hastily packed up the things in your study, then quickly made your way to the training barracks.

Silver was taking care of the horses. He looked up at you excitedly.

“Hello, M/F!”

“Come on, Silver, we're going on a little trip.”

“A trip?” He looked around, but nodded.

“Okay.”

You couldn't leave him with Lilia. Lilia, the one who always claimed to love and care about humans, but who clearly didn't seem to think of them as equal enough to decide, or even be asked, if they wanted their entire life to be altered.

You saddled a horse, and and helped Silver into the saddle with you, then urged the horse to a run.

The sky quickly broke into emerald lightning and thunder, torrential rain soaking the both of you.

Lilia must have told Malleus that you'd left. Just like with Lilia, you'd thought Malleus loved and respected you. And maybe he did. Perhaps Lilia had twisted him to his view point, manipulating that pure love he had in his heart to his own ends.

At this point you couldn't put anything past Lilia.

“Y/N L/N!”

As the voice called your name, you lost all control of your body, pulling the reins and halting the horse.

You sat frozen in place, unable to even look at Silver, who was turning to look at you, asking in concern about what was wrong.

But you couldn't move.

“Y/N L/N,” Lilia floated in front of you, not so gently extricating Silver from the saddle. “Enlighten me. What gives you the right to steal my son?”

Never give the fae your name. You could cry now. The one who had warned you was now teaching you the lesson.

“I thought he was our son,” you spat.

“The paperwork only has me as his legal guardian. And you never married me, nor signed any adoption paperwork. So, what gives you the right to steal my son?”

You choked on a sob. And with a hoarse shout, you spat, “I hate you!”

His eyes went cold. “No. You don't. You will take that back this instant, and properly apologize to me.”

You found yourself dismounting the horse, tears flowing down your cheeks as your free will was gone, your name abused.

“I'm sorry.” You spit out. “I'm sorry that I tried to save Silver from a fate he didn't deserve.”

Lilia's glare sharpened. And with that he vanished with Silver, leaving you alone in the rain.

Nine years later

History repeats itself. Lilia had never expected his young Lord to fall in love with a human.

“I want you to hold onto this feeling. Remember that humans live short lives. That's the way things have to be.”

Now that he was nearing graduation, he was beginning to see what you meant about nurturing Malleus’ independence. Letting him go was not going well.

He sighed, having finally arrived at his destination. He held up the magenta rose he'd brought with him, staring at it. He still felt embarrassed looking at you, even after all this time.

By the time his head had cleared, and he'd realized just how far he had gone, it was too late. He was so tired now. And he deserved it.

This exhaustion. Was this what you felt in your final days?

He looked down at the grave, placing the rose alongside the others that he had brought over the years.

Nine roses. One for each year. None of them showing any signs of age.

Perhaps he hasn't completely learned his lesson.

He supposed he should bring Silver and Malleus to your grave one day. Maybe it would give Silver closure. Maybe it would remind Malleus not to make the same mistakes.

Maybe it would lift some of the guilt from Lilia's shoulders.

He sat down on the grass, sighing heavily. He was getting old.

“I have a lot to tell you. It's been quite a year…”

....

Tag list- @shytastemakerthing @eccedentesiast-sapphic @leoll

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #lilia vanrouge x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia x reader

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