#mamma bear who never did anything wrong in her life

[sunspearesque]

not arguing with a woman with big blue eyes and long red hair, anything you want princess <3 you want me to send my bastard “son” to the wall forever? yes ma’am, you want me to start a beef with the royal fam? i gotcha, you want me to gouge my eyes out and give it to you in a golden platter? sure thing my dear

[capaimagines]

got7 - meeting the family

Pairing: Got 7 x Reader | Genre: fluff | Warnings: mentions of anxiety | WC: 2.1k

im jaebeom

Your grip on the edge of the car seat was so tight that Jaebeom could see your knuckles and fingers turning white. He couldn’t help when his lips quirked up a little bit; you looked cute. 

“What if they don’t like me?” You asked as you took one of his hands in yours without thinking about it. He squeezed back gently, shaking his head as his thumb pad brushed over the top of your knuckles gently.  

“They’ll love you, I’m sure of it,” You turned to him and while he knew you nervous to meet his family, especially his parents, he couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at how horrified you looked.  

“It’s not funny, Jae! What if I say something wrong? Or what if I forget someone’s name? What if-,” He cut you off with a small peck to your lips before you could say anymore nonsense.  

“They’ll love you because I love you and I’m happy. Now, come on. I don’t think my dad will like having to wait to eat.”  

You got of the car and gripped his hand tighter, your nerves exploding but you did your best and had a smile plastered on your face as he rang the bell. 

“Relax baby, everything is going to be okay,” He whispered in your ear and just like always, the sound of his voice helped you to relax a little.  

Turns out, you were worried for nothing because his mom pulled you into one of the biggest hugs you’d ever received and you two ended up talking the whole time. She felt like your mom and you forgot that you were meeting Jaebeom’s parents. He could only smile, hand brushing over the velvet box in his pocket.  All he needed was his parents approval and he knew he had it watching the way you and them talked and laughed. 

He’d be getting down on one knee very soon and that’s a look he wanted to see on your face.

mark tuan

You were extremely nervous to be in foreign country. A language you could barely speak, let alone understand on top of meeting Mark’s large family was enough to have your nerves going haywire. You had been bouncing your leg up and down for the last fifteen minutes as you waited for them to arrive at the restaurant.

He smiled at you as he placed one of his hand on your thigh. You looked back at him and felt instantly calm, “They’re not that scary, I promise,” He said as squeezed the skin on your thigh gently right before his face lit up when he saw his parents walk through the door followed by his siblings.

“Y/N, this is my mom and dad,” He said to which you stood up and his mom instantly wrapped you in a hug. He didn’t even get a chance to introduce you to his siblings as they pulled you away and started gushing over Mark when he was little. In true parent fashion, his mom had brought his baby book to show you photos. While he was embarrassed, you found yourself feeling extremely welcomed into their family and Mark couldn’t wait to officially make you a part of it.

park jinyoung

Jinyoung didn’t seem nervous as you drove the last few minutes to your parents house. He was talking to you like normal, even teasing here and there. Althogh, you knew Jinyoung; you hadn’t been dating for over a year just to not know what his quirks were. You could see how he kept adjusting his shirt even though it was already perfect or how he kept brushing imaginary lint off his pants every now and then. 

You pulled up to your parents house and grabbed his hand as you leaned over to give him a small kiss on the cheek, “Don’t be nervous. They are going to love you.”

He could only scoff at your words as he got out of the car and puffed his chest out and plastering his signature smirk on his face, “I don’t get nervous,” He said to which you just rolled your eyes with a small smile.

Jinyoung was even the gentlemen, hugging your mom and kissing her hand, a firm handshake with your father. He even played a few games with your younger siblings while you helped get dinner ready. 

While he never would admit it, you knew he was terrified when you had first brought this up. Looking at him now, you could never tell with how he was laughing until the orbs of his eyes were almost non-existent. He looked up at you and smiled, quickly going back to the game once your sister had whined about him not paying attention. 

That’s when you knew that you’d give anything to keep Park Jinyoung in your life for the rest of your life.

jackson wang

You were currently seated with your arms and legs crossed, refusing to look at your boyfriend of two years.  

“Baby, come on. It’ll be fine,” He said to which you only scoffed, not wanting to talk to him.

Jackson had not told you that your impromptu trip to China consisted of meeting his family. Sure, you had known that’s where they obviously lived and you would have been totally fine with it if you weren’t currently dressed in your gray sweatpants and one of Jackson’s long-sleeved shirts with your hair thrown up in a top knot and no makeup on. You still had your slippers on and your socks didn’t even match! He had conveniently failed to mention that his mom had asked for him to bring you by today to meet her and his dad officially.  

“I can’t believe you, Jackson Wang! What kind of first impression is this?” You yelled as you pointed down at your outfit. All he did in response was offer you a sickeningly sweet smile that you wanted nothing more to slap off his face at the moment.  

“The best kind! They’ll see the real you,” You only rolled your eyes, too infuriated with the man next to you to respond. 

He pulled up at a house that you assumed was his parents and you slammed the car door, stomping up to the front door without even waiting for him and ringing the bell. Jackson was a little shocked, expecting that your nerves would have kicked in, but that’s why he did this in part, if you were mad enough or feeling something else, you wouldn’t let your nerves get the best of you. His dad opened the door and before he could speak you were holding your hand out.  

“Hello, Mr. Wang. I’m L/N Y/N, the girlfriend of your buffoon of son and soon to be, his murderer,” His father laughed, shaking your hand and pulling you inside and Jackson just stood there with his mouth hung open. He was glad your nerves didn’t kick in, but he was a little scared of what was going to happen when you both returned to the hotel. 

Especially when his mom offered to show how to make his favorite pastry and you happily agreed while giving him the evil eye.

choi youngjae

You were surprisingly not as nervous as you thought you’d be to meet his family for the first time. It had been something he brought up months ago after you two had talked about it. He wanted to meet your family too, but they lived in another country, so you’d have to wait until you both had time to travel there. When he had suggested you to meet his family, you had instantly agreed and were more than excited. You wanted to know the people who had raised the man you love, see where he got his dashingly good looks from and understand more of his little quirks. 

So, here you were, seated in his car only mere minutes away from arriving at his family’s home.

“You alright? You’ve been pretty quiet the past few minutes,” Youngjae asked worriedly to which you nodded with a bright smile.

“I’m just excited and don’t want to come off overbearing so, I’m trying to dial it back.”

Youngjae chuckled before kissing your cheek and getting out of the car to come around to meet you, “They’ll love it, trust me,” You nodded in understanding but still kept your excitement down enough until you knew for sure.  

Once his mom had opened the door, she immediately wrapped you in a warm hug to which you let that crumble away and started talking her ear off. She seemed to like that because she didn’t even greet her son or give Youngjae a chance to introduce you to everyone. She had simply linked your arms together and pulled you through the house, both of you talking animatedly. 

Youngjae could only smile as his dad let out a low chuckle, “Must be pretty amazing for your mother to forget to hug her own son,” Youngjae laughed along with him, following him inside, eyes still trained on your back as you continued to talk with his mom.

“Absolutely she’s more than I could ever ask for. She makes me happy.”

bambam

You were more anxious than nervous to meet BamBam’s siblings and mom. He had told you stories upon stories about all of them for the past year you’d been dating. You had briefly met some of them when he went to Thailand for a wedding, but you hadn’t been able to stay long as you were there for work. This time around, you were there without any work and had all the time to meet them and get to know them. 

You were anxious because while you knew from his stories his mom was extremely sweet and caring and supportive of not just BamBam, but all her kids, you also knew she was a mamma bear. She had a large personality, in a good way, and didn’t sugarcoat things. So, you knew if she didn’t like you, you’d hear it and that’s what made you anxious. 

“Why are you so tense, baby?” BamBam questioned as he placed his hands on your shoulders, rubbing his thumb pads into your shoulder blades. You closed your eyes and relaxed, leaning your head back on his stomach as he kissed your temple.  

“Just thinking about how crappy it’s going to feel when your mom doesn’t like me.” You sighed to which he chuckled before moving in front of you and kneeling down so he was eye level. He tucked a few of your loose curls behind your ear, eyes filled with nothing but love and adoration that you just wanted to melt into him. 

“She’s going to love you, just like my sister did. Besides, if she doesn’t, you have my sister on your side and that’s a hurricane even I don’t want to go near,” You laughed, leaning your cheek on his hand and kissing his palm. 

“Thank you,” You whispered. 

Just as BamBam had told you, you had nothing to worry about because his mom did love you. She even offered for you to stay there in Thailand with her and Bambam could go back to Korea. 

kim yugyeom

If anything, Yugyeom had seemed more nervous than you. You were the one meeting his family, yet you were calm whilst his leg was bouncing up and down and his fingers drummed on the interior of the car. You placed your hand on his leg that was still and sent him a teasing smile.  

“Yugs, I’m the one meeting your family yet you’re sitting here like you’re meeting mine,” He chuckled at your comment before taking a hold of your hand to squeeze it.

“I’m just, I’ve never brought a girl home for them to meet,” He said to which caught you by surprise. Your eyes widened a little at the confession, trying not to let the thought of you being the first girl he brings home to meet his family officially trigger the nerves you had done a great job of keeping away.  

“R-really? Why?”  You stuttered because in fact you were a little shocked. You knew that Yugyeom had other relationships before you and you had assumed at least one or two of them had met his family. He only shrugged, seeming calmer now.  

“Never felt any of them were worth bringing home. Until you,” You couldn’t help the blush that painted your cheeks and he chuckled, squeezing your hand again.  

You were feeling fine up until you pulled up to his house and then your legs shook like jello and you froze. Yugyeom wrapped his arms around your waist and gently lead you to the front door.  

“You’re worth bringing home and that’s why you’re here. They’ll love you just as much as I love you,” You nodded, gulping as the door opened to reveal his parents smiling brightly.

He was right, they loved you just as much as he did.

[bluesylveon2]

My My, I Could Never Let You Go

Summary: Sasha Zoe just wants her dad to walk her down the aisle. There is only one problem: she doesn't know who her dad is! Sasha invites 3 men in hopes of finding out which one is her father. What could possibly go wrong?

Pairings: Levi x Hange, Sasha x Niccolo, and other background relationships

Disclaimer: This is a Levihan Mamma Mia au. This fanfic is inspired by Mamma Mia which is directed by Phyllida Loyd, written by Catherine Johnson, and uses music from the pop group ABBA. Attack on Titan is a manga/anime series written by Hajime Isayama and published by Kondasha

A/N: I’m alive! I would insert a sob story, but I’ll spare you the details. I RECOMMEND looking up Mamma Mia Dancing Queen by Movieclips on Youtube to get a feel of the end (look for the ******). Enjoy!

Need to catch up? Catch up here!

Ch 5: Dancing Queen

Rico and Nanaba were out drinking again at a nearby bar while Hange was away. Hange mentioned how she had to grab some things from her goat house, so Rico and Nanaba took it upon themselves to drink some more and talk to the locals. 

Rico looked up at the bartender in front of her. She recognized him as one of the men who had helped her and Nanaba earlier. This man was way taller than her, and definitely over 6 feet. He had long, light ash-brown hair styled in a mullet, and he had small, intense golden-brown eyes. It almost gave him a vicious look. This time the man was shirtless and only wore swim trunks. It's a good thing wearing swimwear on/underneath clothing was considered normal on the island.

“Here you go, one cocktail for a beautiful woman like you.” he slides the drink over to Rico and gives her a wink. Rico grabbed the drink and gave the man a flirty smile. Definitely not vicious. He seemed like a nice and flirty guy to her. 

Maybe husband number 4? Rico smirks as she drinks her cocktail. Don’t get Rico wrong now. She knows what is out of line when it comes to choosing her future husband. However, a little bit of flirting won’t hurt.

“Thank you…” Rico trailed off. Shoot. She never got the guy’s name.

Jean grabs a wet rag and starts cleaning off the bar “Jean. I’m also one of Sasha’s friends.”

“Ah, I heard of you!” Nanaba yells out suddenly. She looks at Jean with excitement. Nanaba loves learning about the bits and pieces of Sasha’s life. After all, it’s been years since she has last seen her. “Sasha has talked a lot about you! You’re Niccolo’s best man, right? Have you been on the island this whole time?”

Jean nodded “Yes and no. Yes, I am Niccolo’s best man. No, I haven’t stayed on the island the whole time. I actually came back a few months ago to prepare for the wedding. I’ve been busy with college studying for art before coming back. I'm currently staying at the old house that I share with my friend, Marco.” 

Jean is a Fine Arts major at the Paris College of Art. He agreed to study in France because of his mom. You see, Jean originally lived in France before moving to Kalokairi to be more independent. He was from Strasbourg, which is about 500 km away from Paris. It’s a long drive, but it is worth it for him to see his mom’s smile every time he visits. Jean also works part-time in the bar in Kalokairi to help pay for his expenses. Jean is lucky his old boss let him work again, or else he would be doomed. 

Jean reminisced when he first came back to Kalokairi. He was excited to see Sasha again and for the wedding. Jean views Sasha as a sister he wishes he had, and he was genuinely happy to be a part of her wedding. 

Jean smiled at the memory. He was strolling through the island, greeting the locals and familiar faces. In fact, Jean was too busy reminiscing to even hear the sound of running footsteps heading towards him from behind. It was then when Jean’s peace was ruined by Hanami jumping on his back. She loudly proclaims her excitement for them working together for Sasha’s wedding (she is Maid of Honor, and he is the Best Man). 

Jean sighed as he finished wiping off the bar. That woman is gonna be the death of him one day.

Nanaba looked up to find Rico studying Jean, who was lost in thought. Oh no. Here comes Husband number 4 already. 

She rolls her eyes and looks at Rico's drink. It had a peachy color, decorated with an orange wedge on the rim and a mini umbrella. It looked familiar to her, but she couldn’t put a name to it. The orange slice meant it’s definitely fruity. Ironically enough, Nanaba is not a big fan of fruity drinks. She likes a fruity smell in her perfume though. Nanaba prefers drinking beer or hard alcohol like whiskey.

Nanaba grabs Rico's attention. “Hey Rico, what kind of drink did you get?” She proceeds to drink her beer.

“Sex on the beach,” Rico replies nonchalantly. This causes Nanaba to almost choke on her drink. She began to have a coughing fit.

Rico repeatedly slaps Nanaba’s back until she stops coughing. “Did I say something wrong, Nana? Why did you start coughing?” Rico raised an eyebrow.

Jean, noticing Nanaba’s coughing fit, stops making drinks for other customers, to give Nanaba a napkin. She thanks him, and Jean nods and returns back to his job.

Nanaba wipes her mouth and turns to Rico. “Are you trying to imply something by ordering that specific drink with him? You're staring is not exactly subtle, you know." She quickly darts her eyes to Jean, who was busy doing his job and not eavesdropping on their conversation.

Rico laughs and takes a sip of her drink. “Take your mind out of the gutter, Nana.” Rico smirks “I just wanted to order a drink. That’s all. Unless...maybe I am?" She winks at Nanaba and laughs. 

Nanaba rolls her eyes and smiles at Rico. She wasn’t surprised that Rico took the opportunity to mess with her. Nanaba looks over to Jean to make sure he is busy. She places a hand on Rico’s shoulder and looks at her with a serious face.

“Don’t mess with the poor boy, Rico. You’re old enough to be his grandmother,” she says with the most serious tone she could come up with. She takes her hand away and takes another sip of her beer. Rico lightly slaps Nanaba’s shoulder in fake offense and laughs again. Of course, Nanaba would point that out. Rico was ready to make a comeback but stopped as she heard running heading in her direction.

Both women turn around from their seats to see an exhausted and frightened Hange run up to them. Hange’s hair was messier than normal, and her glasses were slightly crooked. One of the straps of Hange’s overalls came loose too. She looked as if she ran a marathon or was practicing for the Olympics.

“Where’s Sasha?” Hange asks as if her life depended on it.

Jean, who noticed Hange's appearance, answers for Rico and Nanaba. “I think she’s at the beach with the other girls.” He goes back to his job but doesn't question Hange’s looks. He doesn't want to die before the wedding.

“What’s up?” Nanaba asks tenderly and reaches up to fix Hange’s glasses. Now that Hange was up close, she noticed how red her eyes were and the tears that were ready to spill.

Hange was overwhelmed with emotions. She has to juggle running the hotel, Sasha’s wedding, and now deal with her past lovers! This was not how she wanted Sasha’s wedding to go. She couldn’t bear the idea of having both sides meet. What would the men think? Heck, what would Sasha think? Hange has been vague about Sasha’s father for years now. Would Sasha hate her for keeping them a secret? She doesn’t even know who Sasha’s actual father is!

Hange felt her dam begin to burst and some snot running down her nose. Hange ignored Nanaba’s question and ran off to the nearest bathroom. She ignores Nanaba and Rico calling out to her. Hange ran into the nearest open stall, closed the door and the toilet seat, and sat down to cry. She didn’t want the whole island to see her at the moment, so crying in the bathroom was the best thing to do. Hange grabs a part of her overalls to blow her nose.

Meanwhile, Nanaba and Rico (who brought her purse and her drink) followed Hange to the bathroom and called out her name. Sadly, there was no reply. She only heard the soft cries coming from the nearest stall. Nanaba runs to the front of the door. Rico closes the bathroom door and sets her stuff down before joining her.

Nanaba knocks on the door and turns to Rico with a worried look on her face. There was no response again except for Hange blowing her nose.

“Talk to her,” Rico whispers to Nanaba. Nanaba nods her head and turns back to the door. She leans towards it and takes a deep breath.

“Hans.'' She starts with Hange’s nickname from college. Nanaba spoke to Hange with a tender and caring tone. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Nanaba places her ear against the door and waits to hear anything from Hange. She only hears soft whimpers instead. This caused Nanaba to frown. She turns to Rico and moves her hand in a hurry-up motion. She already put some effort into this. Now it's Rico’s turn.

“Oh, right! Uhh…” Rico was unsure about what to do. She hasn’t seen Hange cry like that in years. The last time Rico heard Hange cry like that was after Levi left, and it was over the phone too! She glances at Nanaba who kept encouraging her to go. 

Rico was unsure about what to say. She’s not the best at comforting people, but she will at least try. For Hange. “I’ve never seen you with so much sorrow, Hans." 

Nanaba turns to Rico in realization and grabs her shoulders "and the wedding is tomorrow!"

"We have to see Hange!" She whispers to Rico.

Rico nods in agreement and takes Nanaba’s hands off of her. "Good plan. You go on all fours on the floor, and I'll stand on your back. You look from the bottom, and I'll look from the top." 

Nanaba looked at Rico with disbelief "Are you crazy? It's logical for me to be on the top. I'm the tallest!"

Rico pinched the bridge of her nose, causing her glasses to move up slightly. She sighed while Hange’s crying continued in the background. 

"Now is not the time to be comparing heights, Nanaba. Hange is not emotionally stable right now, and she needs us to help. Besides, it's logical for you to be on the bottom. You're heavier than me."

Nanaba wanted to punch Rico for playing the weight card, but she did have a point. She also knows about Rico’s cleaning standards (which aren’t as high as Levi’s, but only Hange knows that), so she won’t go down on the floor unless she has to. 

Nanaba sighed. Now was the time for arguing. They needed to focus on Hange and can deal with Rico later. 

"Fine." Nanaba moved to go on all fours on the floor. She tilted her head towards her back "Hop on." 

Meanwhile, Hange continued to cry into her palms. She was too depressed to even hear what was going on the other side of the door. The memories with all three men kept replaying in her mind nonstop. Hange can recall cuddling on the beach with Erwin. She can picture dancing with Mike underneath the night sky on his yacht. She also remembers the time when Levi kissed her forehead when she pretended she was sleeping one day. Hange continued to cry but stops when she hears a thump on the door. 

Hange looks up to find Rico staring down at her and holding on to the door. Now Hange was confused. Rico is too short to look over from the top. Unless…

She let her eyes fall downward to find Nanaba looking at her from the bottom. Both she and Rico had a concerned look on their faces.

"I hate to see you like-” Rico gestures to Hange “-this."

Hange looks up at Rico as she continues on. Hange felt ridiculous. Here she was crying over 3 men on the toilet. She knew she looked like a mess. She needs to get up from the toilet first in case her friends suddenly burst into song. 

Nanaba adds onto Rico’s statement, "Hans, you can't deny that you're sad. It's just...We haven't seen you this sad since- ahh!" She and Rico scream as Hange suddenly opens the door. 

Hange runs out to the bathroom door and to the nearest sink. Nanaba and Rico quickly stood up and went to either one of Hange’s sides. Rico and Nanaba patted Hange's back to comfort her. They didn't want to force Hange to talk. She can talk when she is ready. 

Hange looks at herself in the mirror. She looks and feels like shit. Ironically, it made her think about Levi. What was that nickname Levi would call her besides Four Eyes? Shitty Glasses. Hange looked at herself in the mirror. Now her whole face played the part too. It almost made Hange laugh. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she could see some snot dripping down her nose. Hange wipes it off with a tissue Rico put out in front of her. Hange’s clothes looked disheveled too. She couldn't recognize herself in the mirror. 

Nanaba leaned her head on Hange’s shoulder. Hange smiled and put her right hand on Nanaba’s cheek as thanks. Rico leaned on Hange’s other shoulder, and Hange placed her head on top of Rico's.

"You're our best friend, Hange," Nanaba says softly. She uses Hange’s actual name instead of her nickname. That's how Hange knew Nanaba was being serious.

"You can rely on us" Rico replies next with a soft tone as well. 

Hange begins to cry again. What did she do to deserve friends like them? They saw Hange rise and fall in life, yet they stayed by her side no matter what. 

Nanaba and Rico, who noticed Hange’s waterworks appearing again, turns Hange away from the mirror. They push her up to sit on the sink. Nanaba and Rico sat down on the sink next to Hange after she was situated. 

Rico speaks up first after a moment of silence "You’re usually so sure of yourself Hange. Now, look at you. You look so broken." She looks at Hange with concern. "Just know that it's ok to cry. You’ll be up and dancing again once your pain ends" She rubs Hange’s arm and Hange smiles at the gesture.

Nanaba leans towards Hange to fix her overalls, and Hange turns to look at her. "I hope we can patch up whatever is going on, Hange. We just want to see you happy again." Hange smiles at Nanaba’s words. 

"That's it!" Rico suddenly says "you just need a little pick me up. That would help cheer you up!" Rico turns to Nanaba. "Help me out her Nanaba."

Both women jump down from the sink. Rico goes to her purse, which was nearby. Nanaba takes off Hange’s glasses and stands ready for whatever Rico has in store. 

First, Rico hands Nanaba some tissues to wipe Hange’s tears and snot. Nanaba wipes Hange’s nose until Rico starts throwing one too many tissues at Hange. 

Second, Rico grabs a breath spray freshener. Nanaba opens her mouth for Hange to mimic as she takes off the cap. Nanaba sprays it one time, but Hange starts coughing from the spray entering her throat. 

Third, Rico grabs some perfume and hands it to Nanaba. Hange was expecting a few sprits of perfume not bathing in the whole bottle! Hange sneezes because of the perfume. Maybe she would smell good enough to be up to Levi’s standards? Hange rolls her eyes at the thought.

Finally, Rico grabs her cocktail for Hange to drink. Nanaba works to redo Hange’s ponytail. Hange reaches over to grab the drink, but Rico moves it out of her reach. Rico places the drink on Hange’s lips and tilts the glass up to a point Hange might as well chug the whole thing. Hange moves her hands up and takes the drink away from her mouth. 

"OK! I appreciate the help, you guys!" Hange cries out. She sniffs and wipes her nose with her arm. She might as well confess and get straight to the point 

"It's her dad," Hange confesses. 

Nanaba and Rico were confused. "Who's dad?" Rico asks.

Hange looks at Rico with a serious face. "Sasha’s dad" she clarifies 

Hange stares at her friend’s faces but was met with silence. She decided to continue with her story. 

"Remember how I told you it's Levi, the supposed mystery guy who is actually a millionaire? The man who left to get married." 

Nanaba and Rico nodded to show they are following Hange’s story.

"Well, there were two other guys. Around the same time. You already met one of them before."

Hange looks up at Nanaba. Although Nanaba was looking at the floor, Hange could see the gears turning in her head and the puzzle pieces fitting together. Nanaba realized who she was talking about and how he and Hange did more than just ‘go on nightly boat rides.’

"The man who accidentally ran into you that day...the boat rides...” She looks up to meet Hange’s eyes. “One of them is Mike. Isn't it?" 

Hange nods and looks away in shame. She didn't want to see Nanaba’s reaction. Hange suspected Nanaba had a crush on the guy, but she noticed it too late. Hange’s mind was clouded by her summer romance to even notice Nanaba’s longing stares at Mike. Hange still feels guilty and selfish about it to this day.

Rico placed her hand on Hange’s cheek so she can face her. "Why didn't you tell us?"

“Well, I never knew I would ever have to really! I don't even know who Sasha’s actual father is!” Hange confesses.

Nanaba placed her hand on Hange’s shoulders for support. Hange didn't see any hatred in Nanaba’s eyes after confessing about sleeping with Mike. Bless Nanaba’s heart. “Well, we already know Levi and Mike. Who’s the third guy?”

Hange takes a sip of her drink before responding, “A man named Erwin Smith. I don’t think any of you know him. He left Kalokairi before you guys arrived.”

Nanaba takes her hand off of Hange’s shoulder and shakes her head “The name does not ring any bells.”

Hange looks at Rico expecting the same reaction as Nanaba. What she did not expect was Rico’s mouth wide open in shock. 

“Erwin Smith. Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a face that looks like he starred in a movie? That Erwin Smith?” Rico asks as if she was in a trance

Hange looked at Rico with surprise. “Yes?”

Suddenly, Rico broke out of her trance and jumped with excitement. Hange and Nanaba looked at her confused.

“I’ll take that you know Erwin Smith?” Nanaba asks after Rico calmed down a bit

“Of course! Who doesn’t know who he is?” Rico said

“Apparently me,” Nanaba mumbles to herself, but Rico hears her anyway.

Rico sighs after calming down a bit. She takes out her phone and googles Erwin’s name. She pulls up the first image of him and shoves her phone to her friend’s face. 

“Of course you wouldn’t, Nanaba. Erwin was on the cover of People’s: Sexiest Men Alive a few years ago and was in the Top 10 of the Most Handsome Faces in TC Chandler!”

Rico looks at Hange and Nanaba’s faces. She was expecting an exciting reaction but was met with her best friends just staring at her. 

Rico continues instead “His dad was a successful university professor and is known for his contributions in research and activism. Erwin is similar to him, except he is a lawyer. Overall, Erwin is a very influential person in New York, and he has a good looking face”

Rico turns off her phone and pockets it away, and turns to Hange. “Hange, you’re a lucky gal to have slept with him. I gotta say that I’m impressed. You gotta introduce me to him sometime.” 

Nanaba rolled her eyes. Hange couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “I knew he was a lawyer, but not all of that!” she waves her hands around to emphasize it. She ignored Rico’s suggestion for now. 

Rico gave Hange a sympathized smile “Well, you’ve been so focused and dedicated to your hotel and Sasha. I’m not surprised you don’t pay much attention to everything outside of Kalokairi or even Greece.”

Meanwhile, in Nanaba’s head, she was trying to fit all of the puzzle pieces together. She didn’t see any of the men when she and Rico first arrived on the island, nor did she see them while heading to the hotel. 

So that means they arrived after us, Nanaba thought. The question is, where are they now?

“Hange” Nanaba interrupts Rico and Hange’s conversation. Rico had asked Hange who she thought was the best out of the three she slept with. Nanaba could tell who she picked based on Hange’s small yet goofy and Rico’s 'are you serious?' face. “Where are the men now?” she asks carefully.

Hange’s face became horrified. She last saw them in the old goat house, but what if Sasha came back from the beach? How would she react?

“The old goat house,” Hange says. She looks at both of her friend’s faces “We can’t let them meet Sasha!”

Nanaba and Rico quickly grab their things as Hange puts the drink down and jumps off the sink. The three ran off towards the goat house, but not too fast to avoid any suspicion from any onlookers. 

Meanwhile, Sasha and her friends peeked up from their hiding spots to find Rico and Nanaba entering the barn. They went back into hiding as soon as Hange entered.

“Don’t let them hear you!” Hange whispers as Rico and Nanaba climb up the steps to the attic. 

Nanaba opened the hatch and looks inside first. Rico and Hange followed after only to find nothing. 

“There’s no one here,” Nanaba says in shock.

Rico turns to Hange. “Are you sure?” she asks questioningly.

Hange rolls her eyes. “Of course, I'm sure! Do you think I would forget my daughter’s dads?”

She sighs. “They were all here. Levi Ackerman, Erwin Smith, and Mike Zacharias.” 

Sasha takes a quick peek from her hiding spot with Mikasa to find her mom walking down the steps from the attic. Nanaba and Rico followed behind her.

“They must have gone on Mike’s boat,” Hange says as she walks out of the barn. “I hope they hit aground and drown.” 

Hange enters the hotel and goes up the stairs to go to her bedroom. “What are they even doing here? It’s like fate just hates me today,” she says and throws her hands up in the air.

“Do they know about Sasha?” Nanaba asks as she runs up the steps.

“What are they, psychic?. Of course not! I never told a soul.” Hange turns to face Nanaba before heading into her room. 

“Not even Pieck?” Nanaba asks and puts her purse down. 

“I never told her too,” Hange says as she paces around near her bed. 

“Oh Hange, you kept this to yourself all these years,” Rico says sympathetically and puts her stuff down.

Hange stops pacing and heads to her balcony door. “It doesn’t matter to me.” She closes the door. “The only thing that matters is that Sasha does not find out.” 

Rico puts her hands on her hips and watches Hange walk around the room. “Maybe she might be cool with it?” she suggests.

Hange walks up to her bedroom door and closes it. “Cool with it,” she repeats. When would Sasha ever be cool with something like that? She might react the same way Hange reacted to Eren and Connie accidentally breaking her vase from Ms. Alexandra. It was not a pretty sight. 

Hange chuckles nervously and walks over to her friends. “You don’t know Sasha as I do. This would be like a bombshell. 

“But Hange, they’re gone!” Nanaba argues

“I don’t know that! They could be anywhere for all I know!” Hange runs her hands through her ponytail and moves to sit in front of her vanity. 

She looks at herself in the mirror “I did this all to myself because I was stupid and reckless little slut.” she says and glares at her reflection.

Rico and Nanaba both gasped. “A slut?” Rico questioned. “You sound like your mother, right Nanaba?” Nanaba nods and laughs

Hange quickly turns around “I do not!” she says offensively.

“Yes, you do,” Nanaba says as Rico laughs this time.

Rico walks over to Hange’s stuff and grabs a feather boa and a ridiculous-looking hat. She then turns to Nanaba and gives her a familiar look that only Nanaba could understand. Nanaba caught on to Rico’s message and took her phone out of her pocket. 

“Whatever happened to our Hange? The life and soul of the party.” Rico says dramatically. She puts the hat on top of Hange’s head and the boa around her neck. 

“Yeah, the one who would talk your ears off about her research but can convince you to do a random musical number in the middle of campus? I’m astonished by how many men agreed to join." Nanaba adds as she was scrolling through her phone. 

"Exactly, Nanaba! I remember how our Hange would attract so many guys with that back in New College." Rico laughs at the memories of different men walking up to Hange as she studied. Hange was too engrossed in her research to give most of them the time of day!

******

Hange could tell what Rico was trying to do. "Well, I grew up." She says as she recalls how much she has changed since. 

Nanaba nudges Rico and steps away from her to give them some space. Rico smiles. "Well, you need to grow back down again Hange."

Rico jumps in her spot to face Nanaba and points to her. "Hit it, Nanaba!"

Nanaba presses play on her music app and pocket her phone away to where Hange could still hear the music. The familiar tune of “Dancing Queen” fills the room. 

Hange watches her friends as they move their arms in a goofy manner, shook their hips, and sang their hearts out to the song. At one point, Nanaba and Rico faced one another and they sang to each other before directing their attention to Hange so she could sing along.

Hange squealed when her friends poked her sides. She ran to her bed and laid face down to avoid them. She moved her head up slightly to peek at her friends from her spot behind her blanket. Instead, she found her room empty, but the music continued to play.

Hange watched Rico and Nanaba rise up from the floor, go back down, and repeat the process a few times as they sang. The two eventually moved around Hange’s room and used multiple objects as props for their performance. In Hange’s opinion, Nanaba and Rico’s singing and dancing looked pretty ridiculous, but she knew they meant well. "Dancing Queen" is one of Hange’s favorite songs, and people at New College witness Hange dancing at parties. She was known as the Dancing Queen back in her college days. She wasn’t the best dancer, but anyone could tell she was having fun with one glance. 

Hange started tapping her foot to the beat as she continued laying on the bed. She started reminiscing about her college days when she would go out and have fun, all while learning about biology. She remembered how she and her friends would let loose and just live life to the fullest. Hange wanted to explore and discover new parts of the world. It was one reason why she left for Kalokairi on her own all those years ago. 

Hange sat up and pulled the blanket towards her. She watched as her friends go through her drawers to grab random articles of clothing to put on. Rico put on a puffy dress over her clothes, and Nanaba grabbed a random shirt and tied it around her head. Hange felt her mood change, and now she wanted to join in on the fun.

She sets the blanket aside and jumps during the song’s refrain. Hange felt as if she was the star of the show, her bed was the stage, and her friends were her audience. Hange felt alive! She felt like she was 22 again performing onstage with her friends. Hange even did a split in the air! Hange continued dancing on her bed before she had an idea. She grabbed her forgotten boa and ran out of her room.

“Where are you going?” Rico calls out while laughing.

Hange was running down the steps of the hotel, stops, and turns around to Rico. “I feel like singing today. Might as well do a musical number just like old times.” She winks and laughs as she continues running down the stairs.

Rico and Nanaba look at each other with glee before following Hange. They got their Hange back!

Hange, Nanaba, and Rico jumped around in sync as they passed the courtyard. The locals who watched nearby laughed. It looks like the trio was back at it again. 

You see, before Hange had met Mike, Hange and her friends did a few performances in Kalokairi to help Hange deal with her heartbreak. Occasionally, Hange would invite the locals to perform with her, and the island would break out into a big musical (which never happened until Hange and her friends came along). The island was quiet after Hange had met Mike and her best friends left. Ever since Sasha’s birth, the locals would often find Hange singing those old songs to herself as she strolled around with her daughter. It was a sign to them that the Hange they met was still there, just dormant for now. 

Hange stopped dancing once she reached a group of locals sitting around a table playing a board game. She places her boa behind one of the elderly men and lets the boa slide across his shoulders, much to his shock. The Hange he usually saw was too busy with her hotel to start dancing around for fun. Hange then places the boa across her back and on her elbows as she sang.

Meanwhile, Nanaba and Rico were out recruiting some locals to join them. It’s a good thing they were familiar with Hange and her group, or else the whole interaction would have been really awkward. 

The group marched across the hotel grounds as the music continued to play good Nanaba’s phone. Hange skipped past the entrance with everyone following her. Nanaba and Rico would occasionally leave to gather more people to join as she led the group through town. Other locals were drawn to Hange’s group after seeing her singing and dancing again. Everyone singing along helped amplify the song, and everyone was in sync.

Hange was having so much fun and was having the time of her life. She skipped and sang as leads the group through different parts of the island. It felt like old times when she used to perform with her friends. Now here she was singing "Dancing Queen" with practically the whole island!

Hange started heading towards one of the piers. At this point, the group had doubled in size. A local piano player and an electric guitar player accompanied the song from their boats. The group stopped moving on the pier and continued dancing and singing to the beat. Everyone followed Hange, Nanaba, and Rico’s lead. 

As the final parts of the song started to end, everyone who joined started to face Hange. They wanted her to end the song with a bang. Hange took her hair tie out of her hair and let her hair loose. She whipped her hair back and forth a bit and laughed cheerfully. 

Hange came up with a good idea to end her little musical number. She looked to her left as everyone sang the final note to see Rico, who was the closest to her. Hange suddenly ran up to Rico and pushed her into the water. She then turned to Nanaba with mischievous eyes. 

"Oh no, you don't!" Nanaba laughs as she attempts to run away from Hange. Nanaba didn't get far before Hange pushed her into the water too. Hange jumped in after her. Thank goodness for the invention of water-resistant cell phones. Everyone else jumped into the water after Hange. 

Hange felt much better now than an hour ago. As she trod on the water, she couldn't help but think of her memories with the three men. She has happy memories with Erwin and Mike. She wishes she could say the same for Levi though. Hange felt pain thinking about him although she spent the most time with him. He was the one who broke her heart the most. Yet, swimming in the water reminded her of one time when she took off Levi’s clothes and pushed him off a pier and into the water. Hange's plan backfired when Levi grabbed her wrist to drag her with him. The goofy smile returned for just a slight moment, but it was long enough for Nanaba and Rico to catch. 

Nanaba and Rico glanced at each other while treading on the water. Their plan worked for the most part. However, Hange Zoe still had some lingering feelings for Levi Ackerman.

©: This is where I insert all rights reserved stuff. This story belongs to me. Do not modify or republish

Author’s Note:

The “Dancing Queen” scene was the hardest to write for me. I hope you like it and understand what is going on.

I apologize if any character is OOC and I know I portray Greece inaccurately.

I changed the character’s ages based on the school year in Greece (Sept 11 - June 15). Everyone is 20-21 and Armin is the oldest. Sasha’s bday changed to May. 

I appreciate ANY feedback (especially after this chapter). I hope you have a good day, and everyone affected by today’s earthquake is safe. 

[cto10121]

The bad Shakespeare takes keep coming, I see. This one had the cleverness to couch itself as a personal narrative (makes it much more interesting, tbh). But as bad Shakespeare takes are my bread and butter, my boon and bane, mamma mia here we go again, with Merchant of Venice.

“But those who thought the play was irredeemably antisemitic were, the consensus went, vulgar and whiny—​and, completely coincidentally, they were also Jewish, which somehow magically invalidated their opinions on this subject.”

I’m glad (is that even the right word?) this author found scholars that don’t think this play is anti-Semitic, but my experience with scholarship has been way more mixed than that. Suffice to say, this is literally all the play is known for these days, and views of the play as anti-Semitic are everywhere (Rosenbaum even had a hot take that since the Nazis liked it, it must be anti-Semitic). Didn’t know Harold Bloom thinks this play is anti-Semitic, though. That in itself is a bit of a red flag, as Bloom is a notoriously poor reader of Shakespeare.

“[I]n Merchant, Portia unhappily fulfills her father’s requirements of her suitors, while in Il Pecorone, the lady enjoys drugging her suitors and robbing them blind. By removing this detail, Shakespeare removed the suggestion that malicious schemers come from all walks of life.”

Or, by removing this detail, Shakespeare removed the clear and abhorrent sexism of his original source that turned a woman robbed of her autonomy by her father’s will into a criminal. It’s almost as if you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

“Dr. Lopez, one of the most respected physicians of the 16th century, had indiscreetly revealed that he once treated the Earl of Essex for venereal disease. The earl took revenge by framing Dr. Lopez for treason and arranging for his torture; while on the rack, Dr. Lopez “confessed”—​though “like a Jew,” as the court record states, he denied all charges at trial, while the attorney for the Crown referred to him matter-​of-​factly as “a perjuring murdering traitor and Jewish doctor.”

This is a very twisted account of the Lopez affair and Essex’s motives in going against him, at least to my understanding. For context, Lopez was accused of receiving loads of money from the King of Spain to poison Queen Elizabeth.

According to Stephen Greenblatt, in Will of the World: “Essex had tried some years before to recruit Lopez as a secret agent. Lopez’s refusal—he chose instead directly to inform the queen—may have been prudent, but it created in the powerful earl a very dangerous enemy. After his arrest, he was initially imprisoned at Essex House and interrogated by the earl himself. But Lopez had powerful allies in the rival faction of the queen’s senior adviser William Cecil, Lord Burghley, and his son, Robert Cecil, who also participated in the interrogation and reported to the queen that the charges against her physician were baseless.” Lopez apparently had been taken bribes from various sources, and confessed (freely? under torture?) “that he had indeed entered into a treasonous-sounding negotiation with the king of Spain, but he insisted that he had done so only in order to cozen the king out of his money.” Weird.

Greenblatt isn’t a historian, though, and Essex was indeed an asshole to Lopez, (and for what is worth, I feel Lopez was innocent; I just get those vibes) but so far I can find no other source that Essex actively framed Lopez. Most likely he did some sleuthing, dug up some questionable, compromising stuff, and tried to blow a hearth flame into a firestorm.

“After all, the historical record gives Queen Elizabeth a cookie for dawdling on signing Dr. Lopez’s death warrant; her doubts about his guilt even led her to mercifully allow his family to keep his property, not unlike the equally merciful Duke of Venice in Shakespeare’s play.”

Again, Lopez had powerful allies (doesn’t get much higher than Burghley), and again, re: Greenblatt: “According to court observers, Elizabeth gave Essex a tongue-lashing, ‘calling him rash and temerarious youth, to enter into a matter against the poor man, which he could not prove, and whose innocence she knew well enough.’” A cupcake, then?

“And it is of course entirely unclear whether this trial and public humiliation of an allegedly greed-​driven Jew attempting to murder an upstanding Christian, rapturously reported in the press with myriad antisemitic embellishments, had anything at all to do with Shakespeare’s play about the trial and public humiliation of a greed-​driven Jew attempting to murder an upstanding Christian—​which Shakespeare composed shortly after Dr. Lopez decomposed. Most likely these things were completely unrelated.”

Nearly all the major Shakespeare biographies and articles I’ve read literally and explicitly talks about the possible influence of Lopez’s execution on Merchant of Venice and names it as an inspiration: Greenblatt, (he even headcanons that Shakespeare watched the execution!) Bate, Ackroyd. That’s how Horn managed to ping my BS radar something awful—because I had read about it, many times, even if it was mentioned in passing. It’s solid, legit Shakespearean academic fanon. The sarcasm is really unwarranted, and childish besides.

“It was damned hard to hear the nuance while parsing lines like “Certainly the Jew is the very devil incarnal,” or “My master’s a very Jew; give him a present, give him a halter,” or explaining what Shylock meant when he planned to “go in hate, to feed upon / The prodigal Christian.”

The first two are the fool’s, Lancelot’s, lines, I think. As for Shylock’s hatred toward Christians, while ugly, it’s entirely understandable given the Christian characters’ treatment of him pre-play and during it (Antonio spitting on Shylock’s gaberdine and then asking him to borrow money from him is called out by Shylock himself for its sheer hypocrisy). It also fits Shylock’s character as an unassimilated Jew, resenting Christian hypocrisy and racism.

“The actor began the brief soliloquy that every English-​speaking Jew is apparently meant to take as a compliment: ‘I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? . . . ​If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?’

“Wait, that’s the part where he’s more human?”

[…]“Sure,” I told my son, game-​facing him back in the rearview. “He’s reminding us how he’s like everyone else. He’s a normal person with normal feelings.”

My son laughed. “You seriously fell for that?”

[…] “What do you mean?”

“Shylock’s just saying he wants revenge! Like, ‘Oh, yeah? If I’m a regular human, then I get to be eee-​vil like a regular human!’ This is the evil monologue thing that every supervillain does! ‘I’ve had a rough life, and if you were me you would do the same thing, so that’s why I’m going to KILL BATMAN, mu-​hahaha!’ He’s just manipulating the other guy even more!”

And then the crowd applauded, Harold Bloom cried, and the mayor gave the author’s six-year-old son a gold medal for his Brave Hot Take. Honestly, this was the most unbelievable part of the essay I’ve read. Unless this kid has been reading academic essays on MoV that posit this exact same interpretation (“Shylock was just using humanistic rhetoric to justify his ~bloodthirsty revenge!”), this one’s for a fake Internet stories anthology. Shylock may be a dour, miserable pain in the ass, but he is no Barabas, an actual anti-Semitic caricature—he has a character, and a recognizably human one, and the play bears it out that he is right in his anger.

“I reviewed the other moments scholars cite to prove Shylock’s “humanity.” There were two lines of Shylock treasuring his dead wife’s ring, unlike the play’s Christian men who give their wives’ rings away. But unlike the other men, Shylock never gets his ring back—​because his daughter steals it, and becomes a Christian, and inherits what remains of his estate at the play’s triumphant end.”

Er, this is a non sequitur—that last has nothing to do with the first. The point is, Shylock doesn’t give away his ring; the fact that his daughter stole it means nothing to his treasuring it. It may be proof of the play’s marginalization of Shylock (which accurately if sadly reflects real-life systematic marginalization), but not his humanity. Shakespeare just doesn’t do backstories, even for major characters, so it is significant that he gave Shylock a wife/beloved in the first place.

“Finally, scholars point to the many times Shylock explains why he is so revolting: Christians treat him poorly, so he returns the favor. But for this to satisfy, one must accept that Jews are revolting to begin with, and that their repulsiveness simply needs to be explained.”

This makes absolutely no sense at all. If one accepts Jews are inherently revolting, then no explanation need be given for when a Jewish character acts revolting! The racist accepts the revolting Jewish characterization without qualm. The fact that the play insists on his grievance is significant.

“We listened together as Shylock went to court to extract his pound of flesh; as the heroine, chirping about the quality of mercy, forbade him to spill the Christian’s blood as he so desperately desired; as the court confiscated his property, along with his soul through forced conversion; as the play’s most cherished characters used his own words to taunt and demean him, relishing their vanquishing of the bloodthirsty Jew.”

YMMV, but to me there are no cherished characters in this play. That’s the whole point! Everyone is so mired in this dreary capitalist materialism that denigrates genuine human connection into mere transaction. Everything to these characters is money, money, money (and class), or at least tainted by it. Shylock is simply the most overt (and honest) of the lot. Love relationships, religion are impoverished; Portia and Bassanio are scarcely more suited than Portia and her other suitors. Shylock and Antonio are Jews and Christians in-name-only: They are capitalists first and foremost. Portia is a smarter, more likable Karen. Lancelot isn’t funny. Jessica is okay, but her leaving her father is framed as a asshole moment at least in one instance. Portia is probably the most lovable, but she has her asshole moments too. There are no truly awful characters, but you don’t need to demonize and dehumanize your whole cast into two-dimensional racists just to make a point.

Merchant of Venice is not the best of plays. It is one of Shakespeare’s experiments, a proto-problem play before his Jacobean era, using dark comedy and a slight bent of farce to explore and elucidate social issues, racism and discrimination, chiefly. At least it tries, anyway. Taming of the Shrew is the first proto-problem play done completely farcical, which at least makes it compelling in a slapstick-satire way; Merchant is much more sociologically astute, but also more dull and coolly distant even from its own concerns. I don’t blame anyone, much less Jewish people, for not liking the play or thinking it a masterpiece. I myself don’t, though for reasons that have nothing to do with the usual ones. I like what Shakespeare was trying to do and I think he did some things very well. It has ambition and thought. But I feel like for most of it Shakespeare was on writing autopilot while mentally looking around for something a bit meatier to adapt and develop. It’s a jogging-in-one-place play; he has a couple of those.

In sum: Author argues for complicated play’s anti-Semitism, ends up just saying the racist slurs by the flawed/asshole Christian characters made her and her son uncomfortable (feat. A distorted and even misleading account of the Lopez affair). Plus some internalized anti-Semitism to sort through, methinks.

[yourgalaxy]

~FINDING HOME~ (Part 5)

Pairing: Taehyung x female O/C

Genre: Fluffyest Fluffy Fluff, a little bit of angst if you squint really hard.

Summary: After getting used to the idea of just being her and her little daughter against the world. Autumn is proven wrong once again when fate has different plans for them.

Warnings: None

Word count: 2865

A/N: The original prompt is from @hybridfanfiction ( their prompts are the cutest, check them out!) This is my first attempt on sharing some of my work and is also my first hybrid fic. I love the reader inserts but not a fan of the Y/N type thing so feel free to just imagine your name instead if you prefer! I have material to make this a series but will leave it as a one shot for now to see if you guys like it! I totally don’t own the gifts.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language. Read at your own risk 😂

Extra A/N: I didn’t get the chance to post this last week but to compensate you guys, I’ll be posting the first part of my new Mafia Au, so watch out for it!

Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3 Ch. 4 Ch. 5

After being living with Autumn and Haneul for a month and a half, Taehyung was finally meeting the rest of their family, he had already met Jin, Jimin and Jungkook and even though it was hard for him to trust them fully, he had decided that he liked the three males… Not that any of them really knew that because Taehyung still avoided them every time he could, though it was not really possible to avoid Jimin after he discovered that he and Taehyung were the same age and decided that they were to be best friends.

‘’ Mamma… MAMMA...Mamma, can Tata be my daddy?’’ - That finally caught Autumn’s full attention, she turned around making sure that the hybrid was still taking a shower, praying that he couldn’t hear them over the running water and his own singing voice. She rushed to kneel in front of her daughter. - ‘’ Haneul, baby, that’s not something that we should say...’’  ‘’ But mamma, he tells me stories to sleep and sings to me and tucks me in sometimes, all the kids have a daddy and…and  I saw it on tv, the daddy that lives together with you and your mamma, and tells you stories is your daddy! Does my Tata don’t want to be my daddy?’’ - Haneul’s pretty eyes swelled with unshed tears at the idea, and Autumn could have sworn that she heard her own heart break. - ‘’ No honey bear, you know your Tata loves you very, very much! He tells you that all the time, right? It’s just that for a woman and a man to be a mommy and a daddy they have to really really love each other a lot. - She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with her 5 year old daughter, her flushed little face was destroying her heart. -  

"But momma, don't you love Tata?" - Autumn could practically see the engines in her daughter's head starting to over think, tears threatening with reappearing.- "I do sweetheart, I do, but it's just a little bit different for adults, you know, adults are dumb sometimes and things don't work the same for us...Let’s talk about it later, ok? we need to go see your uncles!"

"Noona, I'm ready!" - Autumn felt her soul come back to her body when Taehyung decided to appear, giving her the chance to escape the impossible conversation she was having with her daughter. She smiled at him, noticing the way he was referring to her, she was almost sure that it had to do with spending so much time with Jimin.- 

The drive to Yoongi’s apartment was filled with loud singing and laughs. The prospect of getting together with her best friends had Autumn in a really good mood, and even though Taehyung felt really nervous, the smiles on both mother and daughter’s faces helped him breathe easier. He knew most of the men they were getting together with but the fact that they were actually entering the territory of another hybrid, one that he hadn’t met yet, was nerve wracking. He was worried that his instincts would get the best of him and he would piss Autumn’s loved ones off, how would Autumn react? what would she think of him? would she start hating him if her friends didn’t like him?

Taehyung didn’t have to wonder for too long. Everybody’s temper was tested when Hobi had to let go of Autumn as she was being yanked back by a strong arm towards a wide chest, a low growl vibrating against her back. Sensing the hostility in his own territory kicked Hoseok’s instincts on, even though Autumn and Haneul weren’t his humans, they were part of his family and he felt really protective of them, so soon there was a battle of growls and silent snarls. For a few moments none of them really acknowledged the attempts of the others to calm them down. 

‘’ Tata, don’t be mean to uncle Hobi, I promise he is really nice!’’ - Haneul’s innocent voice and the way she hugged his leg was what brought Taehyung back to his senses . As soon as he stopped growling, Hoseok did the same, he understood where the younger hybrid was coming from, he remembered being in the same place a few years ago, he wasn’t about to let him cross the line in his territory, establishing hierarchy was a basic hybrid instinct anyway, but he was also excited for the new addition to the friend group even if he was not about to show that at the moment. -

Taehyung was utterly embarrassed about his conduct and after a solid ten minutes of being scolded first by Autumn an then by Jimin, he just wanted to curl up into a ball in a corner and cry his heart out, but they were so loving even when scolding him that  he couldn't even do that. He hesitated but ultimately approached Hoseok who was setting things up for the movie night. 

‘’Hyung… I… I’m really sorry about earlier… it’s not really excuse for my behavior but…”- Before he could finish his apology, he was attacked by a very effusive fox hybrid, Hoseok was bouncing on the balls of his feet, too excited by the idea of having a new hybrid friend, Taehyung couldn’t help the smile that divided his lips.-

‘’ I’m really sorry about that, Yoongs. Taehyung is a little bit weary of males, and new environments are a little hard for him to take in.’’ - Autumn was worn out by the whole scene, feeling sorry and guilty for everyone in the room, she didn’t blame Taehyung, she knew well enough of his apprehension towards males and she knew how protective hybrids could get when facing threats to who they considered their people, specially in the presence of other hybrids. She remembered the first time she met Hoseok with a shiver. But she couldn’t stop feeling bad for her friends. It was their home at the end of the day.- 

‘’ Hoseok, really likes him, I can see it in his face that he already is taking him under his wing. I don’t think we will have any problem. - Yoongi assured with a wink as he motioned towards the three hybrids that seem to have engaged in an enthusiastic conversation about what movies to watch, after Jimin joined them in the living room. Autumn felt her body relax, realizing how worried she was until that moment, a soft smile appearing on her face. -

‘’ Uncle Yoongi, up!’’ - A new battle arised, this time, between Yoongi and Jungkook fighting over who was Haneul’s favorite with Haneul enjoying herself in the shower of attention and love she was getting. -

‘’ He really is the right fit, isn’t he?’’ - Jin's voice came from behind her before a pair of arms encircled her shoulders. She let herself relax in his embrace, feeling happy to be home, loving how her brothers embraced Taehyung so effortlessly.- ‘’ Haneul asked me if Taehyung could be her new dad’’ - She whispered, knowing that Jin was close enough to hear her and everyone else was so loud that she doubted they could hear her even if she were to scream it. She felt Jin humming in thought, it wasn’t a surprise to him even though this was the first time Haneul had ever said something like that. - It is good for her to have some kind of father figure in her life… And if he is sticking around for a while… How do you feel though? - She knew exactly what he was referring to, her an her friends never really payed any attention to the stigma that interracial relationships between humans an hybrids carried with them, but she had given up on dating a long time ago, men were too inmature, too insensitive and she didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with someone else’s child. - ‘’ I don’t know Jinnie, I haven’t really consider it, I mean, he is one of the most caring an loving people I’ve met, always looking out for both of us and looking for ways to collaborate, you know how happy he was when you offered him to work at the flower shop, an he loves Haneul so dearly, she loves him even more, I’m afraid she will get hurt if anything were to happen and he decided to leave… But we are not in that type of relationship, Jin. I am his sponsor and he is our hybrid, and I’m totally fine with that.’’ - Jin left a soft brief kiss on top of her head, hugging her a little closer.- 

‘’Then there is nothing to worry about, Mamma Bear.’’ - Autumn closed her eyes in contentment, right on time to miss the look that Taehyung directed to them, but Jin was able to catch the turmoil of emotions that twirled in his eyes. A knowing smile dancing on his lips, He knew how dense Autumn could be when it came to this topic, it would be fun to see how these two would figure things out.He had the hunch that Taehyung was there to stay, and his hunches were usually right- 

‘’ Jin hyung, stop hoarding noona all to yourself and come sit, we are about to start the movie!’’ - Hoseok complained in a whine that Jin responded with a scoff before complaying and dragging Autumn with him.- ‘’Next time we should invite Namjoon, Yoongi hyung! ‘’

 ‘’ Yeah, I like him’’ - Autumn and Jungkook agreed and Yoongi just nodded lazily. Asking them to be quiet and start the movie. Autumn’s fingers  immediately found their way through Taehyung’s soft locks when he seated himself on the ground in front of her, resting his head on her knee, missing the heavy tears that rolled across his cheeks. -

��

Autumn woke up gasping for air, her heart felt like it was held in an iron grip, she couldn’t breath, and for a minute she wondered if she was about to die. She didn’t realize she was crying until she rubbed her hands over her face and felt the wetness on her cheeks. The images of the nightmare are very vivid in her mind. It was the same nightmare she had had ever since Ha Neul's dad had left, just that this time, there was a spin to it that made her sick to her stomach.

She didn’t notice Taehyung sitting on the ground next to the door until after, in her fuzzed state of mind, she almost fell over him, being stabilized by his firm hands, she heard him whimper. Her eyes filled with tears one more time as she felt herself getting lost in his bright brown orbs. She straightened up and as she pulled on her arms to free them from the Hybris grip, Taehyung let go of her. He soon trailed behind her, buzzing with worry. 

Autumn wasn’t sure for how long she was zoning out with the untouched glass of water firmly held in her hand, when she felt Taehyung’s larger hand over hers as he loosened her grip, taking the glass away from her and holding her hand on his. She followed him almost unconsciously as he led her to the couch. He sitted and then led her to sit almost on his lap, they were so close that when his hand cooped the side of her face to have her look at him, she could feel his warm cinnamon breath fanning against her skin. They stayed like that for what felt like hours, Taehyung was tracing invisible circles over the skin of her jaw and cheek with the pad of his thumb, both of them getting lost in each other’s eyes when he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

‘’ Please… Please don’t cry, don’t be sad… It hurts so much… It hurts so, so much’’ - He knew about her nightmares, at least the ones that she usually had where her ex-husband abandoned her and Haneul over and over again, she had mentioned them once when he found her just zoning out in the living room, unable to go back to sleep after a nightmare. His voice was strained, it sounded like it was in the bearge of breaking. As she remained silent, he gained some courage from the wonder and affection that her eyes always seemed to reflect when she looked at him. He traced over her face with the tip of his nose, in one of the most intimate shows of affection for hybrids, subtly breathing her in. She felt her cheeks burn as her heart threatened with leaving her chest, but didn’t make any attempt to move away from his touch. -

 ‘’ If you would just let me… If you will just look at me the way… If only I could become a man in your eyes. - He closed his eyes as he rested his forehead over hers, a pained expression claiming his sharp features. His lips almost brushing over hers as he spoke. Autumn felt so vulnerable, yet so safe there in his embrace. She took the opportunity to notice all of his little details like the cute little freckles in his nose, his left cheek and the side of his chin, or the way his long lashes rested on top of his cheek bones as he closed his eyes, his rosy lips an the natural blush that seemed to be always present over his honey like skin. Taehyung was simply breathtaking.

Her fingers brushed against his jaw line in an almost hesitant movement, skimming over his skin in a feather like touch but it got him to relax immediately, the frown disappearing, he let out a relieved sigh, the feeling of her touch over his skin felt like a lullaby to his heart. But then there was something soft and sweet pressed against his parted lips, his heart pounded against his ribcage. The contact lasted mere seconds making him whine in the absence of it. He opened his eyes, facing the storm on hers. She was searching for his reaction, he could see the fear aflame in the depth of her grey orbs.

 He knew at that very moment that he would give his life for this woman in a blink. 

‘’ Noona...Can you do that again?’’ - He breathed out a plea over her lips, his eyes going back and forth from her eyes to her lips as if he was begging her, and he was, by all means ready to beg for her. She moved painfully slowly, her eyes also wandering over his face until her lips met his once again and this time, Taehyung took his time to savor her, his hand sneaked to the back of her head to keep her in place, he felt so blissfully light headed that he wouldn’t be surprised if he was to wake up the next morning and realize that it was just another dream. He almost cried out loud when she pulled away from him. 

‘’ Taehyung… I... ‘’ - He didn’t want to hear it, he didn’t want to know what her eyes were trying to say. He could sense the confusion, the fear that rolled out of her like crashing waves. The little bit of her conversation he had overheard a few weeks ago back at Yoongi’s apartment playing over and over in his head.’I’m just his sponsor and he is our hybrid’ she had said crushing the fluttering hope that had erupted in his chest when he had heard how she told Jin about. Haneul asking if he could be her dad, he wasn’t able to hear the whole conversation but what he heard was enough for him to understand his place in their lives. 

He had convinced himself that he was completely ok with that, he was happy to at least be allowed to just stay with them but after the moment they just shared he understood how greedy he had become and how much of them he wanted. He couldn’t take it.

‘’ It’s because I’m a hybrid, right? ‘’ - He murmured more to himself than anything else but she heard him and tried to stop him in a panicked attempt. He couldn’t take it, he needed to get out, he needed some time to think. -

And so, he ran. His heartbeat was so loud that it was the only thing he could hear. So loud that he couldn’t hear her

‘’No, that’s not...no, please no… Don’t leave us… Don’t leave me’’ - Autumn could feel the panic attack closing her throat. Incapable of really moving to try and console her hysteric 5 year old that had woken up to the image of her beloved hybrid hero running away and her mom becoming a crying mess. -

[darkblueboxs]

Hold the Line

Read here or on AO3

This was originally for the  “foxes reacting to soft andreil” prompt, but I ended up posting a different piece for that. 

*

“What are you doing, Hemmick?” Kevin is so very, very tired, and if there’s one thing the foxes excel at, it’s kicking a man who is already down. “Pick up your damn racquet and get moving.” His words, as usual, fall on deaf ears.

“They don’t even act like a couple,” Nicky says, pouting. Kevin fumbles for the threads of whatever conversation Nicky is holding with himself before looking to the bleachers where Neil and Andrew are sitting. They aren’t speaking, several feet apart and each apparently oblivious to the presence of the other. To the casual observer, they would look like strangers.

Allison joins them at centre-court, fastening the strap of her gloves with her teeth.

“What were you expecting from the monster? Kisses and cuddles at the half-way line?” she says through a mouthful of mitten, leaning on her racquet as she follows Nicky’s gaze.

“I don’t know. I expected something. It’s not like they’ve got anything to hide now.”

Kevin is ten seconds from knocking heads together. “Can we play Exy now? Please?”

“C’mon, Kevin, you gotta think it’s weird too. You spend more time with them than anyone. Give us the scoop. We’ve ruled out hate sex, but it’s gotta be something.” Nicky stops ogling his cousin and his partner to turn pleading eyes on Kevin. Allison quirks an eyebrow expectantly.

“You could settle some bets for us, Kevin. Do they even touch each other?”

Kevin bites back a scathing reply. Allison is relentless where there’s a bet to be won, and Nicky won’t stop whining until he gets some kind of answer. Sometimes, the only way to get the foxes to shut up and play is to give them what they want. Pick your battles, as his mother would have put it.

Kevin rolls his eyes to the ceiling as though it might fall in on him and save him from this conversation. Nicky takes his grimace as a rebuttal.

“C’mon, Kevin. Give us something.”

“Like what?”

“Have you ever seen them…” Nicky waves his hands in the most non-descript gesture imaginable. Kevin, having spent way too much time around Nicky over the years, prepares his most disgusted expression. “…being, like, soft?”

Allison snorts. “Two much steel in the pair of them for soft.”

Nicky looks deeply troubled by the suggestion. “I know they have their… issues, but it’s not like the pair of them are completely broken.” He turns back to Kevin. “Right?”

Kevin looks at Nicky for a long moment. The strange thing is that Nicky and Aaron have known Andrew longer than any of them yet can still be so blind to how Andrew works, and how his relationships to others work by extension. He mulls over his answer, trying to find the right size of crumb that will get them off his back and back on the court without feeling like a violation of his friends’ privacy.

“Maybe their soft doesn’t look the same as yours,” says Kevin at last. “Look harder.”

Their heads swing back to the bench in unison. Neil and Andrew still aren’t talking, but they’re both swinging their legs in unison, toes barely scuffing the floor.

Nicky and Allison turn back to him, but Kevin raps the butt of his stick off the floor, silencing them mid-protest. The court doors fly open, admitting the rest of the team in their usual shambles, and he is saved from further interrogation. He doesn’t miss, however, the evaluating glance Nicky and Allison pass each other, like they’re filing notes away for later.

*

Neil goes down in the first quarter, and he goes down hard. Kevin is half-way to Neil, who has yet to drag himself up onto his knees, but Andrew beats him to it. Kevin resists the urge to gripe at Andrew’s sudden burst of speed – Andrew is capable of crossing the entire court in seconds flat, yet acts like anything more than snail-pace in goal will kill him – until Kevin sees why he’s moving so quickly.

Neil’s hands are shaking like they’ve had electricity shot through them, and his breathing is not the laboured rhythm of exertion but the panicked hiccups of a panic attack. Kevin knows the signs.

His first thought is of the cameras, the audience, the witnesses – Kevin spent so much of his life under the glare of media flashbulbs that he struggles to think of much else. He knows he lets the worries spill over onto others more than he should, but for Neil it’s different – his future career depends on his perceived stability, and if Neil’s career falls through then the wrath of Ichirou Moriyama will fall upon all of them.

Remembering an old trick they used to use when Andrew was coming down from his meds, Kevin kneels beside them, planting himself between Neil and the nearest camera like a shield. He tugs Neil’s racquet over and pretends to inspect it for damage, ignoring the muted discussion happening inches from his face.

The rest of the foxes catch on quickly, crowding around them with concern that isn’t entirely manufactured. Dan nudges them into a neat circle that cuts the pair off from the gaze of the spectators. The opposing team watches from a distance, stunned by the sudden show of solidarity from a team that had spent most of the preceding hour screaming at each other.

None of the foxes are doing a great job at leaving the pair with their privacy, but there’s only so much they can do when they’re crowded around the pair in close proximity. The alternative is leaving Neil exposed to the world, and if the foxes have proven anything it’s that each of them is willing to put everything on the line to protect their number ten, even if this means going against his wishes from time to time.

It’s clear Neil is still somewhere else. Judging by the glazed look in his eyes, it’s a place Kevin knows far too well.

Andrew snaps his fingers in front of Neil’s face. The action draws a flicker of movement from Neil, half-way to recognition.

“What did he do?” Andrew asks in a low voice. He’s referring to the defensive dealer who knocked Neil down, a six-foot-four mountain of a man with an attitude Kevin has seen matched only within the walls of the nest.

“I’m fine.”

Kevin resists the urge to smack Neil around the back of the head, but only because he doubts he would survive Andrew’s retaliation. There’s an impatient knock against the plexiglass walls as one of the referees urges them on.

“Tell Wymack you want a substitution.”

It really isn’t the time. Kevin is about to say so, but Neil beats him to it. “That isn’t the strategy we agreed on. I’m fine.”

One of the other Foxes snorts. Neil’s eyes flicker up, but Andrew snaps his fingers again, drawing his attention back. “Ask for the sub.” It’s not a tone that leaves room for argument.

Neil lets out a breath. He looks to Kevin. “Can you hold the line?”

There’s still a glassy look to him. It reminds Kevin too much of the night they played the Bearcats, the awful dead look in Neil’s eyes as he tumbled back into the claws of a life he had sacrificed everything to escape.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” says Kevin. Neil grins, not the awful, dead grin of his father but his own. He raises his hand, and the foxes break apart so that Wymack can see the signal.

As Neil’s substitute jogs into place, Kevin flexes his left hand. He’s still a long way off playing full matches with it, but he can do this much. He taps the racquet off the court floor before tossing it to his left, and the crowd goes wild.

*

The defensive dealer lasts all of three minutes before Andrew’s bombardment of brutally aimed balls from the goal finally knocks his feet out from under him. He leaves the court with a bloody nose and a bloodier scowl, and Andrew sends him off with a wave that would look friendly to anyone who didn’t know him.

The first thing Neil does as they trail into the locker rooms is hand Andrew his water bottle. Andrew takes it, and they stare at each other for a long moment, a silent conversation Kevin has come to recognise as mutual reassurance. I’m here, you’re here, we aren’t going anywhere.

None of the foxes will be too overbearing with concern while Andrew is at Neil’s side, and so that is where he stays the length of the drive home. They share a seat at the back of the bus, and no threats are needed for the foxes to know not to bother them.

Kevin is halfway to a well-earned nap when Nicky and Allison’s heads appear over the back of the row in front of him.

“Did you see what the dealer did to Neil?”

“Does it matter?” He didn’t, although he has some theories. Then again, Neil’s recovery hasn’t exactly been a straight upwards line. The wrong jerk of a racquet in Kevin’s peripheral vision will still make Kevin twitch, and it’s been years since one was turned upon him. He can only guess at the intricacies of Neil’s triggers, but sometimes a trigger can be nothing at all.

“I still say they’re weird.” Allison’s gaze skips the rows of seats to the back, where the tops of Neil and Andrew’s heads are barely visible. “Andrew never touched him the entire time, did you notice?”

“Maybe that’s the point,” Kevin snaps, tired and ready for his nap. “It’s called respecting boundaries. Maybe you’ve heard of it.”

Allison holds up her hands like she’s under attack.

“No, he’s right, I think,” says Nicky. “They’re a different kind of soft.”

Maybe there’s hope for him yet.

“Takes one to know one, doesn’t it, Kevin?” Nicky continues, and Kevin wishes he had a racquet in his hands to break over Nicky’s head.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Just because we got distracted by Andrew going full Mamma Bear doesn’t mean I don’t see you getting all defensive over them.”

“Huh,” says Allison, her eyes narrowing. “If you weren’t such a bastard, I would say it was sweet.”

Kevin pulls his hood down over his face. “Go away.”

Snickering, they leave him to sleep.

*

Kevin stumbles into the kitchen at the ass-crack of dawn, shaking his head in the vain hope that he can throw the nightmares out with sheer force alone. He hadn’t noticed as he rolled out of his bunk that both Neil and Andrew’s were unoccupied, only realising in hindsight when he finds the pair of them sprawled on the beanbags in front of the TV, which throws endless static over their sleeping forms. Kevin wonders if boiling a kettle will wake them – he has no hope of sleeping again unless green tea is involved – but the jerk of Andrew’s head tells Kevin that he’s too late.

He doesn’t bother with an apology, because he knows they’re of little interest to Andrew. He averts his eyes instead as he busies himself in the kitchen.

He knows Andrew and Neil would rather chew glass than make any public display of affection, not out of shame or fear but more because they didn’t feel the need to put themselves on display to satisfy the wants of others. He wonders what it must feel like, not having to perform on demand for the world in the way that Kevin has been trained to his entire life.

That’s why he expects Andrew to shrug Neil off when Kevin shows no sign of leaving, but when he slumps onto the couch a few minutes later with a mug clasped between his hands he’s surprised to see them still wrapped up in each other. Andrew’s eyes meet his for a moment, heavy and unblinking, before they slide shut once again.

The scene before him is what the others would probably call soft. The word isn’t one Kevin is used to having in his vocabulary, but it’s one he has been considering adding with increasing frequency, just to have a way of putting words to the feeling in his chest every time his team crowds around him to celebrate a goal together, or when his father claps him on the shoulder with something akin to pride. Neil and Andrew are a sprawling puddle of loose and tangled limbs across the bean bags, an assortment of empty crisp packets and sweet wrappers nestled at their feet like autumn leaves. They’re turned in towards each other, like they fell asleep mid-staring match, and their hands, while not quite touching, are side-by-side. Respecting each other’s distance but ready to take hold should unknown forces threaten to rip them from each other. The flickering shadows from the television cast Neil’s scars in sharp, black outlines, but they do nothing to detract from how much younger he looks in the pale light, the lines around his eyes smoothed out by sleep. Andrew’s face, on the other hand, is thrown into harsh angles by the contrasting shadows, accentuating the angle of his cheekbones and throwing shadows beneath his eyes. The light is bright enough that the faint freckles across his nose are just visible.

Kevin rips his gaze from them before Andrew can catch him staring and stares instead into the TV static, letting his mind fall into practiced blankness. The next thing he’s aware of is Neil sinking into the couch beside him. The room is brighter, warmer, and the beanbags have long since been abandoned.

“Sleeping upright is bad for your back,” Neil quotes Kevin’s own advice back to him.

“Talking to me this early is bad for your health,” Kevin retorts. “Yet here you are.”

“It’s four in the afternoon!”

Kevin bolts upright with a curse on his lips, but Neil lets out one of his muted snickers and Kevin realises that he’s being screwed with. “Fuck you,” he says, sinking back into the sofa cushions. The wall clock, he notices too late, reads 7:15.

“I’m going on a run. Come with?”

Kevin nods, even if every instinct is telling him to melt into the couch and stay there until noon. It’s just one of many battles he wages against himself on a daily basis.

Neil is waiting for him at the kerb when Kevin stumbles out of Fox Tower ten minutes later in running gear. He’s bouncing in place like the pavement is too hot to stand on, and as soon as Kevin gives the signal he shoots off like a bullet.

Being wildly outmatched has never done anything to quell Kevin’s competitive spirit; he tears after Neil like his life depends on it, even though the light-footed striker is practically over the horizon already.

They break on a park bench just off perimeter road. Joggers, dog-walkers, students and cyclists flash past while the pair inhale their water bottles, chests heaving in sync. There’s a pallor beneath Neil’s sheen of sweat which makes Kevin wonder exactly what he’s running from today.

The answer comes sooner than expected.

“How’s your hand?”

Kevin starts, flexing it automatically even though there’s no real need. Most of the pains are phantom ones that disappear until he’s reminded of his injuries. “It’s fine.”

“That’s my line.”

“It was aching a little by the end of the match, but I spent the whole evening doing Abby’s exercises. I know my limits,” Kevin answers snippily.

“It’s not about your limits. You shouldn’t have been forced to-”

“I wasn’t forced.”

“I mean, I shouldn’t have put you in that position.” Neil’s knuckles whiten as they clench in the fabric of his shorts.

Kevin huffs out a breath of air. He’s always had a one-track mind; he’s under no delusions that his feelings about Exy are anything but abnormal. Total dedication, total obsession, were the demands upon which his survival depended. Still are, but to a lesser extent. He remembers looking Neil in the eye the first day he left his room without a coating of bandages to hide behind and asking can you play? Not because he worried about the team’s chances in upcoming matches – although that was always a worry – but because without Exy, Kevin was nothing. He still can’t help but behave as though it’s the same for everyone else.

But he’s grown in the intervening months, grown enough to understand that while, yes, every match is important, failing to protect a player’s health for the sake of short-term results will only cause more damage in the long term. When he thinks of Riko – an activity he still fights to pull himself back from, another daily battle to add to the pile – he thinks of the pressure crushing down on him, on both of them, to perform in spite of the injuries, physical and mental, the pressure that built and built from year to year, warping Riko beyond recognition and grinding Kevin into the ground. He won’t let himself become the people who made them what they were.

“You were no use to the team in the state you were in,” Kevin says. Neil’s flinch says that this is not news to him. Kevin clears his throat. He isn’t good at this. He’s still learning to be this. Not soft, no, but not so hard either. “The first time I stood on a court after I left the nest… I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t…” Kevin hates this. He hates talking about this, he has enough of it with Bee and Abby. Neil doesn’t need to hear this. Except he does. “This isn’t the sort of problem you fix overnight. Not by training more, not by pushing yourself harder. All that will do is break you.”

Neil is silent for a long moment. “Wesninski,” he says at last, like the word was sticking in his throat. “The player. As we collided, he called me Wesninski, and I just… for a moment, I wasn’t me.”

Kevin closes his eyes. He is still called a raven often enough to understand – perhaps not completely, but close enough – the awful, shrinking sensation of being thrown back into another life with a single word. “It won’t be the last time someone calls you that, Josten. Especially not if word gets out.”

Neil shakes his head. “If people start doubting me-”

“Fucking listen to me, you idiot.” Kevin turns fully to face him. “I’m not telling you to fix the problem immediately. I’m saying we’ll take care of things until you can.”

“We?” Even after all this time, Neil can be so helpless that it hurts.

“You know. The team. Coach. Andrew.”

Neil huffs. “And you.”

“Obviously.”

Neil unclenches his knuckles at last. “Better be careful, Kevin. Next thing you know, they’ll be saying you’re going soft on us.”

Kevin shoves Neil. Not the way Riko used to shove him out of his way if Kevin had the bad luck or poor judgement to be standing in his path. He does it in a way that has Neil grinning, shoving him back playfully as he gets back to his feet.

Neil takes off, calling over his shoulder to challenge Kevin to a race as he does. Kevin cusses him out, but nonetheless takes off after him, chasing the sound of Neil’s laughter all the way home.

Maybe going soft isn’t so bad after all.

*

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought. Still open to requests!

[oliviacs]

『 candice king. thirty. cis female. she/her. 』 oh heavens, is that OLIVIA JAMES from FAIR LANE i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -BOSSY & -STUBBORN. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool OWNER OF THE PASTRY PLACE and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +LOYAL & +CARING. i hope i see them around again!  @mapleviewstarters​​

hehehehe here i go again  ! ! 💕 tbh i really felt like we needed at least  /one/  semi-wholesome muse here with happy domestic vibes so may i present to u my 2nd baby  💕  

basics ;;

FULL NAME:  olivia marie james  NICKNAMES:  liv , livvie  AGE: thirty DATE OF BIRTH (ZODIAC):  march 24th ( aries ) BIRTHPLACE:  mapleview, nc. OCCUPATION: owner of the pastry place  POSITIVE TRAITS:  loyal , caring , organized , valiant  NEGATIVE TRAITS:  bossy , stubborn , workaholic , control freak  MUSE INSPO: monica geller ( friends ) , haley james scott ( one tree hill ) , caroline forbes ( vampire diares ) , lorelai gilmore ( gilmore girls ) , prue halliwell ( charmed ) , amy santiago ( brooklyn nine-nine ) , leslie knope ( parks & recreation ) , claire dunphy ( modern family ) , dorothy zbornak ( golden girls )  LOVES:   coffee,  pastries , red wine, celine dion, cooking, movies, rain showers, scented candles, cold beer, people who make her laugh, corny pick-up lines, cinnamon hot chocolate, romantic gestures, sunrises and sunsets, bikram yoga, old disney movies, french fries, cuddling and hugging, being in charge, honesty, football, 80s music HATES:  being kept out of the loop or nor knowing stuff, liars and cheaters, anyone who hurts those she cares about, when people are in her kitchen and don’t need to be, oatmeal raisin cookies, feeling weak or helpless, death and funerals, secrets

background ;; tw:death

olivia has always been the quintessential girl next door during her youth and adolescence. born & raised in mapleview in a family who , for the most part , got along , she truly didn’t have a bad childhood. sure , they were never rich but they never truly lacked anything. 

for twelve years that she attended school , she was fairly popular , kept good grades  &  unlike her older sister that was a polar opposite , actually was a nice girl . 

howeveeeer , she was never short on spunk & wit despite the fact she “ played by the rules “  basically all her life. while she was always homely & friendly , she was also the girl that cut her hair short as a statement against femininity & only wore heels because she hated to feel small. 

along the time when she finished high school , she decided to use her college fund to travel outside her little hometown  &  see places until she eventually decided to enroll herself in a cooking/baking class & take over the pastry place from her grandma. 

however, tragedy struck when her older sister passed away , leaving the family in a total wreck - especially her niece penelope. since then , liv has always kept her close , kind of taking a role of her older sister. 

currently still lives in mapleview , is happily ( one of those annoyingly cute couples u love but hate at the same time ) married to the love of her life for about 7 years now , has a beautiful daughter named emma who just turned 4 , owns a ( new ) family house in fair lane ( moved from saycamore way ) , also owns a golden retriever called sammy ( american cliche what can i say )   &&&  is about eight months pregnant with ANOTHER baby girl !  

cute headcanons that we love ;;

i’m not gonna lie she’s totally based off monica geller from friends & i regret nothing y’all. 

also huge coffee addict ( surprise , right ? lol )  &  has insane amounts daily . probably smells of freshly made coffee everyday ksdfneg.

her leg shakes or her foot taps on the ground when she’s stressed. 

wears glasses for reading or when she needs to handle paperwork.

cleans when frustrated !!!! 

she’s the mom friend of every group so .... probably has a ton of people over every friday where she always cooks more than necessary. 

doesn’t tolerate nonsense & is quick to give you a smartypants comment to a stupid question heh

really ,  reaaaally affectionate with her loved ones . 

likes to sleep in her husband’s shirts ??? i mean who could blame her right

does not take too well to criticism or admitting she’s in the wrong 

famous lines include  “ you did not just say that “  &  “ i told you so “ 

can do her makeup even drunk ;))

still cries like a baby when mufasa dies & susan forgets about narnia

likes having a glass of wine every night before bed to calm her nerves lmao

goes crazy during superbowl season bc ..... she’s a hc football fan

a total mamma bear  &  will hurt you if you hurt her family.

extremely competitive in .... p much anything 

wanted connections that i’ll just give u my heart & soul for ok ;; 

childhood best friend aka the rachel to her monica !! <3 

a group of  FRIENDS  ( see what i did there rfneg ) give me ross , phoebe , joey & chandler ! <33

neighbors that often barbecue together on the weekends  

friends & enemies from school / high school 

maybe her first love ??  like a guy she dated when she was 14  & it was totally cute n innocent 

frenemies , coworkers , protective friendship , sibling like friendship , unfaithful friends , babysitter , unlikely friends , friends who used to be enemies , ex best friends , friends who balance each other out , competition , rivarly , friends by association , family friends , her husband’s friends :))  

[thecloserkin]

book review: Carolyn Slaughter, Relations (1976)

Genre: Gothic psychological suspense

Is it the main pairing: yes

Is it canon: yes

Is it explicit: yes

Is it endgame: no

Is it shippable: yes

Bottom line: I read this concurrently with Wuthering Heights and allow me to play sommelier—10/10 recommend this wine pairing for maximum gothic extraness. tw: suicide

There’s boatloads of sex but this is not a horny story. It’s a lyrical story—in the sense of expressing direct, spontaneous feeling. Not that a story couldn’t be both (Wuthering Heights is both horny and lyrical) but I actually want to spend a minute defending this book to my past self. The first time I read it, I was unimpressed because Relations wasn’t much of a Love Story. You know the kind I’m talking about, you know the beats you’d expect it to hit: here is a pair of siblings tOrMeNtEd by their iLLiCiT pAsSiOn!!! I mean, the mode isn’t always tragic or dark but even the cream-puff versions of this arc entail some sort of line being crossed or feelings being caught. We are used to characters who begin in initial-state, a journey brings them to end-state and a clear delta separates the two conditions. This book says: fuck that. Fuck change. Fuck growth. My best days are behind me and I’m ok with that because now my brother is lost to me and I give zero fucks about anything else. We have a novel steeped in the symbolism of winter (the season of loss & deadness that is impermeable to change). Our pregnant heroine dreads her impending due date, in part because the child is not her beloved brother’s; but mostly because having a baby is just about the biggest change a body can be subjected to, and she’s actively averse to change. All she wants is her brother back. If you’re looking for characters to fall in love, as in transition from feeling one way to feeling another way, this is most likely not the book for you. But I enjoyed it a whole helluva lot and let me tell you why.

The predominant note of this story is MELANCHOLY. It’s backwards-looking rather than forward-looking, things just keep getting worse and worse for our protagonist and yet she’s unapologetic about what she did: she loved her brother, loves him still and always will. What I admire is that she is steadfast in the face of remorseless despair. Compare these quotes, this one from near the beginning: “I feel listless, often close to tears. I am beset by fiendish pangs.” This is from near the end: “I am hollow, clanging with emptiness; there is no solution.” Do you see what I mean by no delta between initial-state and end-state? I think there is an important distinction between this book and Forbidden, which holds out the promise of a happy ending only to snatch it away at the last minute, in that Relations puts its cards on the table & promises no such thing. It’s melancholy all the way down (well, three-quarters of the way down it transpires this book is in fact a high-concept Folgercest prequel I SHIT YOU NOT friends read it yourself).

In the novel’s present, our girl Catherine is entombed in a emotionally sterile marriage; in the past she grows up warmed by the sun of her brother Christopher’s regard & affection. Slaughter chooses to locate these strands at two crucial points in Cathy’s development—age ten (prepubescent) and age thirty (the age at which women’s “biological clocks” start ticking—this is relevant because Slaughter is writing in the 1970s even if Cathy is living in the late Victorian Era). We should note here that Christopher is older than Catherine by two years, aka the universally acknowledged INCEST SWEET SPOT (I know some of you favor twincest but you are WRONG and I will prove it in my forthcoming monograph on the topic). At age ten, Cathy and Christopher have intercourse for the first time after stumbling on their father’s secret porn stash. The sex is more mechanical than enjoyable, and that’s the point: they start banging out of curiosity, keep banging out of habit, and only later do hormones and feelings kick in. Ten- and twelve-year-olds just don’t get horny the way older kids do, and that is, again, the entire point. Slaughter structures it so the sex happens first (in the very first flashback chapter). The feelings don’t follow, the feelings don’t emerge, the feelings were there all along. What the sex does is seal a secret between the two of them, the secret of their father’s porn stash (hidden in an abandoned wing of the house).

If we turn back to the present, we find Catherine yoked to a man who excites zero feelings in her. By her own admission she married him because “I found him pleasant to listen to and he never made any demands upon me.”These are the qualities that recommend a husband to her—that he impose no psychic demands whatsoever! All her energies are already absorbed in reminiscence lol. We find out he proposed to her with a speech worthy of Pride & Prejudice’s Mr. Collins, and that he possesses not a particle of passion. Which is exactly how Cathy wanted it:

I entered the marriage in a state of apathy; simply undergoing it because of Mamma’s pressure, and because there seemed no other real alternative apart from marriage open to me.

We were married in the winter of my thirtieth year.

I walked down the aisle in a state of complete inertia, my sense muffled by the laudanum … I wished with all my heart he could have been my brother.

File away that glancing reference to winter; more on that later. For now please focus on how numb she is—not discontent, just apathetic. Cathy insists the present brings her nothing but pain and insists she doesn’t regret the choices that brought her here. She’s unrepentant about loving Chris, and explicitly rejects the conventional moral framing that would view her past self as “sinning” and her present self as “redeemed”:

I could not rid myself of the old and over-riding passion of my childhood. I decided eventually that no one would ever, could ever, be what my brother had been to me.

If I could have felt then, and now, that there was some evil in what we did, then I could have borne it. But I could find no evil in it.

I would not be so oppressed if I could but feel my past was wicked and scandalous. If I believed that, i could gladly submit to the institution or the grave. But some buoyant spirit within me keeps insisting that what I had was fine, and contained elements of true beauty.

“The institution or the grave,” she says. Those are the choices. If you want to have Thoughts and Feelings and not just a Body, then your lot as a woman is to end up either in a sanitarium or dead in childbed. Only when she looks back at her childhood does Cathy perceive a time when it was different, when Christopher, at least, saw her as a whole-ass person. Yes, this is another entry in dr. thecloserkin’s ongoing “Incest vs. the Patriarchy” series; if you guys thought I was going to stay off my bullshit for more than ten minutes then joke’s on you hahaha. Here are some quotes that show she was getting her emotional needs met as a child (she’s borderline suicidal as an adult):

leaves me with only the memory of such complete intimacy. It is beyond my reach now, and perhaps I shall never agin recapture it though I live to be ninety.

there was no discord in our interests and desires.

We talked all the time. We never ran out of conversation; I never grew tired of his speech.

It never occurred to me…that we would not always be together. There seemed no need for anyone else—he filled out my present and my past.

Ok so if everything was so idyllic back then what the heck happened? How did it all fall apart? Slaughter withholds the crucial revelatory scene until close to the end, but the story up till then is permeated by a very Gothic sense of creeping dread. The elephant on the horizon is change. Cathy and Chris are on the precipice of puberty, which portends seismic changes in their bodies, and the accompanying changes in their roles as they inch toward adulthood. Cathy doesn’t handle it well:

the old fear. A fear of things changing; of his face looking at me in an unfamiliar way; of our world altering and growing cold about me.

There seemed no question why it should not always continue in this way, and no reason why our bodies or our minds should change or suddenly not fit.

Our life became a little cloister: and I never wanted to leave it. The idea of change haunted me.

I was insisting, always, like a child, the nothing must change; nothing must happen to destroy our life together.

And here is where I connect her fear of change with her favorite season, winter:

I was afraid of change. It seemed menacing. I realized the sadness and bleakness of the winter really suited my nature best. It made me feel more real; sadness now seemed more real than happiness; more permanent, and therefore easier to bear.

the seasons change and find me the same. Nothing touches me, nothing makes me laugh or weep. I have no real substance.

OMG SHE’S A FUCKING REVENANT

”You are so thin. Your limbs are slim as these winter branches.”

I have touched my roots, my beginnings, the things that have formed me.

This book is an anti-change pro-winter manifesto. Winter is the season of desolation, where nothing grows, and if there is one change she adjures above all others it’s the life presently taking root within her womb:

If I am a seed about to burst, if I am to flower, the old seed, my Self, must die. Some new thing will grow out of me; but I must perish. I cannot have it; I cannot allow it to happen. I must protect myself from this that would devour me.

My body continued to change according to its own will, nothing could shift the determined embryo within me … I cannot bear the thought of this thing growing within me, living off my blood … I feel nothing but doom, and a great fear if this shall finally come to pass.

The progress of her pregnancy is literally making her mentally ill. I want to link this horror imagery to child!Cathy’s musings on the decomposition of her father’s corpse:

I wondered if all the flesh had fallen off by this time. I imagined his bones growing into the wood of the coffin, and the trees growing into his skull, the roots twisting around his rotting limbs.

People who read this passage and think “this is a really tight horror aesthetic but what is it doing in the middle of my luscious love story” are missing the point. This is a horror story. But instead of framing the incest as the impure act that violates and threatens our accepted categories, we are invited to view the pregnancy as a gross & unnatural hijacking of Cathy’s body. Her body’s fecundity defeats and puzzles her. She actually tells us about her nightmare wedding before she tells us about her real wedding; in her nightmare she looks at her bridegroom and:

transfixed with horror because he is without the male member — all that resides in the space between his thighs is a burnt-out stub—like the hacked branch of a tree deadened and blacked by many winters.

So far we’ve had body horror associated with (1) her father (2) her husband (3) her unborn baby. Notice who’s not on this list? Notice who she always thinks of with tenderness? Notice who doesn’t ever evoke an iota of fear or horror in Cathy? That’s right! Her brother. The whole incestuous affair is really an own-goal on patriarchy’s part, because the same doctor who warns Cathy’s mother against Cathy’s “wild and unnatural attachment to her brother” goes on to say:

Little girls, Madam, are the scourge of the earth. They have no future, but to grow into that unhealthy state of womanhood, with its unclean festerings and grotesque swellings of the abdomen. I would that little girls could always stay the pure young things they are before the age of eight.

This is some next-level IT WAS EVE’S FAULT SHE ATE THE APPLE spin. Can you blame Cathy for taking this venerable authority figure at his word, and staying “pure” by staying a child, by warding off womanhood and childbearing altogether? goodforher.jpg

Real quick here are some lighthearted episodes from their childhood since it’s not all doom and gloom: Christopher marches next door to confront the Frenchman who is maybe sleeping with their mom and is definitely perving on Cathy. Christopher returns the Frenchman’s gift of silk stockings with a grand declaration of “My sister Catherine has no need for these.” That’s right shut him down Chris!!! Also: Cathy falls into a frozen pond and Christopher rescues her. Their negligent mother blames Christopher. Cathy is shaking with pneumonia and all she wants to do is “make the sad look leave my brother’s sweet face.” Christopher refuses to leave her side until she rallies from the fever. He is thirteen:

I think that Christopher and I half-died together in that terrible week, and afterward, when the terror had passed, we were never quite the children we had been before.

Congrats kids you have undertaken a symbolic journey to the underworld!!!! Good job.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

It wouldn’t be a real incest story without a third sibling, an odd-man-out who helps us triangulate our main pairing’s relationship. Edward is a sociopath and a bully. Parents playing favorites always wreaks havoc with children’s sense of self-worth, but I think in this case it’s 90% down to Edward just being a bad egg (fwiw their father, when he was alive, did favor Christopher). Edward is a peripheral figure for most of their childhood; he appears only to “bang on our door to tell us to be silent for our giggling kept him awake.” That’s right, our door—teenage Catherine and Christopher share not just a room but a bed (!). Edward resurfaces as an adult to beg for Catherine’s intercession with his wife. He married an heiress, and now he seems to have soured on her. He talks about her “malady” and her “hysterical nonsense.” She has “phantom confinements.” They are “phantom” because she is barren. Sir you are literally a Victorian dude named Edward who keeps his mad wife locked up in the attic, you can sit allllll the way down. A heavily pregnant Catherine rolls up to Edward’s house just in time to witness his wife’s suicide: ”I had to make sure there was nothing inside me,” explains the poor woman, lying in a pool of blood after cutting her abdomen open with a knife. This seems fine. This whole society seems fine, right? Catherine reflects: “Ill-health or madness was her only solution, married as she was to a man who so complacently felt himself her superior” and “We are sepulchered alive in this close world, and want more room.” If this applies to her sister-in-law’s tragic fate it applies with equal force to her own situation. Cathy may not be physically barren but her inner life is empty af.

I’m going to talk about the breakup now. The climax of this book is the last time Cathy and Chris have sex. Contrast the arc of many slow-burn stories where the climax is the first time the main pairing has sex. Cathy’s menses doesn’t even arrive until after the incestuous affair is over! And what precipitates the breakup? Well, their mother decides to take the family on a seaside vacation. This is the summer when everything changes (Cathy’s favorite season is winter, and she abhors change). As for what changes, exactly, it’s kind of unclear? Wasn’t like they got caught having beach sex (which they had a ton of). The forces of change are wholly internal. They’re growing up. They’re waking up to the existence of social taboos that will brand their love “unnatural” & worse. As readers we can see that Catherine and Christopher’s attachment is as natural as breathing, and it’s actually the Incest Is Icky crowd that’s drawing harmful artificial boundaries. What happens is there’s a local girl who has obvious designs on Chris. She’s a nonentity but the mere existence of someone outside of Catherine and Christopher, someone who views one of them as an object of sexual desire, sort of punctures the bubble they’ve hitherto been living in. They can’t pretend society doesn’t exist or that what they’re doing isn’t immoral by its lights:

”We have never felt bad before. It just happened and there was no harm in it. I see no harm in it now—I cannot feel suddenly that it is wrong … but even if it is, why does it signify? Nobody knows.” ”Yes, but why does nobody know? It must be because we have deliberately tried to hide it?”

Christopher is the one who unilaterally decides that incest is wrongdirtybad and it has to end. Christopher is the one who seeks out Rando Local Girl and fucks her just to prove how serious he is about ending it with Cathy, which imo was inflicting a pointlessly cruel injury for no reason?? Wtf Chris I thought you were one of the good ones. What I love about Cathy is the steadfastness of her conviction—she accepts Christopher’s decision but she is far from convinced by his reasoning, his deference to social norms. Here’s Cathy’s take: “it seems to me that to live in a way that is contrary to one’s own nature, to live in a way that is false, that is the evil. The discontent grows like a cancer.” Authenticity ought to count for something, no? But these kids and their beautiful love are ultimately outmatched by, and broken by, the weight of social mores:

I could not bear to think of anything changing. I wanted it to stay the same dear way it had always been; ever since I could remember … but the spell was broken; we could not pretend any more. We had to stop being children. “Please. Once more.”

And that’s the breakup scene. It’s devastating. Cathy keeps staring at this one beauty mark on Christopher’s familiar well-loved face and she’s crying and I’m crying too. Recall that they’re still sharing a room/a bed up to this point? “The first night alone was the worst,” says Cathy. Imagine losing the person who is your whole world….overnight. Oof. There’s a time-jump of a few years, and Chris announces he’s off to—I think South Africa? I think this is around the time of the Boer War? I didn’t make any detailed notes and I’ll be damned if I’m going to fish for my copy of the book just to confirm what we already know, that it’s the 1800’s and the sun never set on the British Empire:

”I must get away from here and see something different; begin again…I cannot imagine a day without your face, or your sweet companionship. I do love you. But this must be for the best.”

Christopher goes off to doing colonial-settler stuff, initially. Here’s his first letter home:

I want you to be happy and grow up straight without me.

As opposed to growing up crooked, or growing up gay?? Here are subsequent letters where he seems to have done a complete 180:

thought it would be simpler to be away from you, from the constant temptation. It is not. My nightmares terrify me, they are eating my brain. I don’t know how long this can last.

AND THEN he writes he’ll be coming home for Christmas! I must’ve missed the memo where this story turns into a straight-up Folgers fic but that’s about where we are. It’s literally Folgercest. He goes to Africa explicitly to get away from her. Time and distance cannot suppress their feelings. He comes home to find her still waiting for him:

”Why have you clung to me, or rather the memory of me. For surely the memory is better than this twisted, pathetic creature before you?” “I have found no one better,” I said simply.

Asdfdfkdfjd this reunion scene is heartbreaking bc Christopher and Catherine are barely five minutes in each other’s company before Edward intrudes, claims to have found them in a compromising position, claims to have suspected all along about the incest, almost comes to blows with Christopher, tells him to get out. And Chris does. Cathy doesn’t even get to say goodbye. Edward’s presence is so clearly a case of entrapment—he was expecting Chris to come to her, he was expecting to catch them doing something “inappropriate” even though it sounds like they were only embracing—that there is no doubt in my mind Edward’s intent was to hurt Cathy and Chris, rather than to protect Cathy’s reputation or whatever bullshit he was spouting. We have seen from Edward’s abuse of his wife that he is no kind of moral authority. He does, however, succeed in “making me feel unclean, and dirt was attaching itself to me with every foul word he said.” In this scene Edward is handy synecdoche for patriarchy, which berates Cathy with accusations of sinfulness while actively stifling her every creative impulse and intellectual endeavor. If this book has a villain (and I don’t think it does; it’s not that kind of book) Edward is it. I find that edifying. It’s not Cathy’s husband who’s the primary antagonist standing in the way of her self-actualization—the husband is no more than an empty suit—it’s her other brother. One brother saves her and the other damns her.

After Edward runs Chris off and Chris goes back to Africa there are a few more letters, including this one: “that nothing has changed in my heart. That I love you with the passion of our youth, with the strength of all these long, long years.” Thank you for the affirmation Chris! I needed it even if Cathy didn’t. But the war is ramping up and Chris is headed into a combat zone and the odds of his survival do not look good. Cathy is already preparing to grieve him. She’s also preparing to go into labor any day now. These two threads, her brother’s impending death and her child’s impending birth, merge in the final pages of the book where Cathy is just clearly SO OVER IT:

I have nothing to fight, yet the waiting is most terrible … I have nothing to do but wait. I have nothing to leave.

It is hard to go on. How can I escape this life, this round of boredom and other births? O, that I could be ten and happy!

That’s the end but come on. Raise your hand if you don’t think this girl will 100% yeet herself into the sea and they’ll rule it “postpartum depression”? Anybody? No?

[angelspigeon]

Sun of Corona - Chapter 02

Chapter 02!!!

Once again, it’s a bit long so I let you check on AO3 behing the door if it’s easier for you > |  °| <

Words : 2584

In front of the old oven, that only worked if you really tried to make it work, Amicia Sinclair was doing the food. Soup. Like often. At this point, it wasn’t exactly a soup anymore just… a lot of water with a bit of old vegetables to give it taste. And, at a few pace from here, the old table made with a lot of recycled things. The life was hard here, the table wasn’t even big, you had to sit on the floor to eat but… they didn’t have to find chairs, at least. They had rooms, they had bathroom but all the things they had were barely correct for someone to eat here…

And on the table, there were only five plates.

Either they had broke again something or…

“You know, when I told you to sell one of the children so we would have less to give food to, it was a joke!”

Amicia jumped when she heard this voice and then she ran to her husband, throwing herself at his neck. He hugged her back, smiling.

It has been so long since she saw him… She enjoyed a little his embrace she craved for then sighed…

“It’s Lea. He doesn’t eat since three days and he said nothing to me…”

He said they had enough problems like that and he didn’t want to bother. But she knew there was so much more and she wanted to help and do her best for her son but… There, she hoped her husband could do something. Yes, Reno had already a lot of problems too but Lea saw his father so little, he could just say so because he needed to talk with someone who wouldn’t stay and judge him anyway.

Lea always said he didn’t want to be forgotten but as a mother, she knew, he would love that people forgot some of things he did… or said.

And there was something else… Lea was just like his father.

Who could trick him enough to make him confess his sadness but Reno himself?

“I’m gonna deal with that, darling.”

Reno kissed his wife on the lips.

 Lea was really alone in his bedroom. Normally he was supposed to be with his older brother but this one was outside. So he was just alone, crying on his bed on the floor. A mattress telling him he wasn’t good for Isa. He would never be good enough for Isa. He could never gave him what he deserved…

“Lea?”

Lea got up with surprise, he looked up at his father, wiping the tears, and at his mother just being him. She had his younger brother in his arms. As far away as he remembered, he always had seen his mother with a child in her arms, pregnant or… both…

“Daddy, you’re back?” he forced himself to smile between his tears.

“Yup!!” Reno approached his son and sat on the mattress with him. “How you’re doing? Mommy said it’s not that good?”

Lea made a face since he couldn’t move back. He glanced again at his mother. He said nothing to her because he didn’t want to disturb and, anyway, it was better than she had less mouth to feed. He couldn’t say anything in front of her… but could he continue saying nothing?

A few days ago, he was ready to run away but it would have been for Isa. It would have been worthy.

But now?

Now, it would only create pain.

And yet…

He felt a hand in his hairs, those being ruffled with energy.

“Ya don’t have to but ya can tell your daddy or your mommy what’s wrong! That’s nothing we can’t actually bear!” he said. He passed his arms around him, hugging him tightly. “Nothing you can’t actually bear! You’re stronger than anything, baby boy!”

“But I wanna die!”

“Lea!” Amicia protested.

Lea looked down, his eyes being filled with tears again.

Amicia pressed her lips together, annoyed, rocking her youngest son. Maybe that’s why she shouldn’t be there…

“What’s happening, baby boy? I’m sure a nice kiss of your darling would…”

“THEY DON’T WANT ME TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!!!” he cut short, bursting in cries. “And they’re right!”

In his mother’s arms, his little brother started to cry. Reno made a face, he will never miss an opportunity to put his foot in, uh…

“Keep calm, Lea. Why would they be right?”

“I’m not good enough for him!! He’s meant to be someone and I’m nothing!!”

“Don’t say that!” Reno protested. “You have a big heart and you’re always cheering up everybody no matter what.”

“But that’s not enough, daddy…” Lea curled up in his father’s arms. “If things continue like that, he will be the ruler of Radiant Garden and he can’t be with someone…” He wanted to say ‘like us’ but instead he whispered out: “…like me.”

“Don’t be stupid!” Reno hugged him. “Your darling would come out better off if he’s with you!”

“They say so!” Lea protested. He sniffed. “They asked for dowry, asked what I had to give to Isa…”

Reno could only see when his son looked toward the little furniture when he had put the ring in its box.

“A dowry? Why would they want a dowry?” Amicia asked. “They’re the wealthiest family of Radiant Garden!”

Lea nodded. “They said we’ll act like that?”

“Like how?” Reno asked.

“Like that. They said we just want Isa’s family’s money…”

Amicia frowned and approached him, putting the young Tolia in her husband’s arms. She caressed tenderly Lea’s cheek.

“I don’t care about their money. And we all know if it was only that, Isa would have given anything you could sell. You’re not unworthy. They’re the one being unworthy and not deserving you.”

“You’re saying that because you’re my mom,” Lea sighed softly.

She got up and smiled to him. It wasn’t the smile of a mom anymore but the smirk of a confident woman who was ready to beat ass.

“Come with me and take that ring,” she said.

“Mooooom?!”

“Come!!!” she said.

Reno got up, still holding the young baby, and he took the hand of his son to help him to get up too.

“You think you’re not worthy of your darling? You must have this from because, damn, I don’t know how I could be worthy of your mamma!”

“Daaaaddyyyyyy!!” Lea blushed, his freckles appearing as he looked down.

Reno laughed and brought him to the box so they could follow Amicia. He didn’t saw her beat some asses often but this promised to be more than interesting!

  He had stopped to fight. He couldn’t have enough strength to break the board they had put on the windows of his room and, most of the time, the door was closed. He was just locked in his room and he wasn’t even surprise…

Isa had thought about stopping eating but it felt wrong.

If he continued to eat, he could gather strength and do the correct thing at some point…

He was searching.

All the time.

They weren’t stupid and left him nothing but things to study. He would be locked but a smart locked child… He would become what they expected from him.

Or he would be the biggest deception they never had and they would pay.

If only…

If only he could do that.

Without Lea, he had no clue of what to do. No reasons to continue to step forward.

Lea didn’t come back.

His parents had shattered the only thing that made him full like a Human being… his love for the only one.

His only one.

He heard the bell rung in the big house and what he did? He studied…

He hated himself. Why was he even studying? He didn’t want to!!! At first, he thought it was to pass the time but honestly… it wasn’t for that…

The door opened and he turned the head to see his old nanny. She had her strange air, the one saying ‘I know something’.

“What is happening?” Isa asked.

Ansem? Changing his mind because another family was suddenly wealthier? Better for them? A birth?

“Your friend is here,” she said.

“Lea?”

Isa got up immediately and walked to the door without thinking a second.

“He’s here with his family.”

“His family?”

One second, Isa craved to see the face of his father when he’ll be in front of all the Sinclair but what he really wanted was to see Lea, see him, kiss his cheeks… hug him tenderly. He moved toward the door and the old woman smiled as she stepped back.

“Thank you,” he said.

Quickly, he left the room and climbed down the three stairs. Lea was entering with his family, looking quite uneasy. Isa had thrown away every ounce of Nobility and so he could throw himself on Lea as the butler was leading them to the living room. Isa never saw him more uneasy than before but he didn’t care.

“Lea!” he whispered out.

Lea hugged him back, his Heart beating so fast in chest.

“I missed you,” Lea muttered back, caressing one of the long lock along his face, brushing a cheek.

“I missed you too,” Isa replied. “I couldn’t live without you,” he added, in the lowest voice he could.

He wasn’t even sure Lea had heard it.

“Lady, Gentlemen, young Master?” the butler invited.

He threw a glare to his Master and then walked to the living room. As always, his Masters were there, Elvira doing the accounting and Buster being sure everything was completely under control as much in Ansem’s surrounding than in the realm itself. Ansem didn’t ruled much though he’d be happy to show his face very often. He had a lot to do: his experiments were the first things for him…

“Masters, my apologizes, I couldn’t…”

“Isa?!” the woman hiccupped when she saw her son.

And clenched to which arm?

“Come here!” she said.

Isa’s fingers twitched around Lea’s arm. It was hard to resist to the laws his parents distilled to him. He just wanted to be with the one he loved. And he had to recognize… it was easier to resist when he was next to Lea. He moved. Moved toward Lea, begging for his parents not to ask him again because it was hard enough like that…

“Excuse me,” Amicia said.

She walked to the sofa and sat. Lea never saw his mother like that, she had old clothes torn and holed and yet, she looked imperial, like Isa’s mom.

“Can you bring some tea?” she asked to the butler.

“Can I…” he looked toward his Masters.

Lea was biting his lips hard not to laugh but it was really hard. Next to him, Isa was as shocked as his parents…

“Sir, do I…?” the butler asked.

“Why would I serve tea to people like you?” Isa’s dad asked.

“Well…” She moved her wrist to show a golden chain bracelet. “I think you’ll want to think again when you’ll see that, Sir Moon.”

Buster got up with a frown and approached her, hating to be next someone of her… condition. If it had been appropriate, he would have pinched his nose. But there, he just walked to her and lowered. Sooner he would look at her bracelet, sooner she will leave and her son will never again touch his son. If locking him in his room wasn’t enough, he’d find something else.

But he froze as he saw the Sun on the chain. The Sun of Corona…

A real sign of royalty.

“It’s impossible… You can’t be… You have stolen that!!”

“No, Sir Moon. I’m a Princess.”

“You can’t…”

The man looked toward Lea, his clothes so common, his clothes covered by dirt and this baby in Reno’s arms… again another one. Those people couldn’t…

“If I may, I’d really like some tea for my family.”

“Tea for…”

The butler didn’t even wait for his Master to tell him so and dashed to the kitchen, stammering some compliments.

“Moooom, you rocks!!” Lea said.

“Told ya, your momma was the best,” Reno smiled, the baby sleeping in his arms.

Amicia smiled to her husband and her son. Seeing her baby happier, pressing his hand over Isa’s hand, it was everything she needed. No need for food when her child could be happy. Even Isa seemed relieved, which could only be good.

“I can’t believe you,” the man said. “A Princess? That… How is it…”

“Possible? Radiant Garden knows about the others Worlds, isn’t it? In this case, you wouldn’t surprise if I told you I’m from Corona, a realm that used to be linked to this one. I’m the Sister of the one who is King today. But when the Worlds have been torn apart… I’d end up here and my brother stayed there.”

The butler arrived and installed everything for the tea.

“I don’t ask you to believe me but to accept the facts.”

There was her first name on the bracelet.

Though, she could have stolen the both… However, Buster couldn’t push back the facts. She was acting like a Princess, a future Queen… you couldn’t fake this.

“Do you know what this mean?” Amicia said with a smile.

“Wha…” he gasped while spitting the word.

Buster quickly looked as his wife, aghast, then at Lea still next to Isa. He wanted to yell to him to step aside but…

“Lea is a Prince?!” he lost his voice.

“He is,” Amicia smiled.

“I’m what?” Lea whispered.

Reno let out a chuckle and ruffled his son’s hair.

“Ya see, I told ya I wasn’t worthy of your mom! But let’s say it’s your darling who doesn’t worthy ya now!”

Buster and Elvira where talking there. And you could guess their discussion was especially ‘very well, he’s a prince, however he still has no money.’ and others things like that.

Isa was clenching his hand over Lea’s one, his arm still around his. He was totally moved by those news. By the hope of, perhaps, being allowed to marry him?

The butler brought what remained of the tea set and he let the rose, apple and other little herbs soak in the pot.

“It’s almost ready, Madame.”

“Thank you,” she smiled.

Buster turned toward his son. “Very well, we accept the wedding if only your son accept to have a proper education. Which we will gave him. He will have to leave your dirty home,” he said.

Isa knew how much Lea was attached to his family…

“You don’t have to do th…”

“Isa… It always has been what I wanted. Being with you for the rest of my life…” he said, smiling softly. “Will you do me the honor to marry me,” he asked, brushing his cheek.

Buster didn’t seem to be really happy of this, of this way to ask his son’s hand.

Isa was melting because he just wanted Lea. And Lea was like that.

“Yes,” he whispered.

Lea kissed him tenderly and grabbed the box to open it. Inside of it, there was a very thin silver ring with a little moon on it and just next to it a red jewel… and this was the most beautiful ring Isa never saw. No too expensive ring his mom and father had could challenge this one…  

And he smiled even more when the ring was slid along his finger.

He didn’t doubt Lea was his happiness and what could break it?

[daphnelockhart]

[ MUSE 47 ] ●● is that KATHERYN WINNICK? no, that’s just DAPHNE LOCKHART, the 45 year old CISFEMALE who is a MODEL/ENTREPRENEUR. some say they’re SELF-CENTERED and IRASCIBLE, but their family and friends will swear they’re CREATIVE and HARD-WORKING. when i think of them, i think of designer clothes, vintage handbags, soft jazz playing in the background, blonde hair waving in the air, perfect smiles, family photos hanging on the walls and warm hugs. i wonder if HER family knows that SHE IS PLANNING ON DESTROYING HER HUSBAND’S CAREER.

this is lil again, this is the last one, i pinky promise! as always if you wanna plot with daphne like this and i'll find you !!

Born in a family of modern royals ( aka vastly rich ) Daphne was destined to great things since the moment her parents found out they were having a baby. 

Elisabeth Orson didn't accept anything less than perfection in her life and that included her only daughter. The only kid, it also meant all the pressure was on her shoulders even before she could walk. She was not only expected to be intelligent, charming and educated but also to look flawless at all times. 

Her childhood was divided between private tutors, beauty pageants, piano lessons and flash cameras. In her busy schedule, there wasn't time for being an actual kid. No time for playdates or tea parties. Therefore, Daphne's only friends growing up and her sole source of affection were her nanny and her mother's personal assistant.

Growing up in such a superficial world, Daphne became a cold, closed off and vain teenager. Her popularity and good looks made her the queen bee of her very elitist school but despite the image she so carefully gave the world her life was far for being a dream - all her friendships were fake; just another mean to achieve her goals, the relationship with her parents was purely based on ambition and the pressure was getting under her skin. Daphne was very insecure, but hide her self-consciousness under layers and layers of arrogance and sassiness. She developed an eating disorder and a high functioning depression and to cope with them took way too many pills. This didn't stop her from becoming  Miss New York at eighteen and signing a modeling contract with Channel the same year.

Having her own money allowed her to put distance, not much but enough to be herself, with her parents; her apartment became her safe heaven and for the first time in her life she made lasting friendships. Her new friends cared about her and encouraged her to seek help, which led to therapy and an improvement of her mental health.

But she was still pretty much an Orwell, which meant she had to keep up appearances. As a successful model, her parents thought it was important for her to show support for their football team and Daphne became the biggest Patriots fan. Playing the part wasn't hard all she had to do was smile at the camera and pose with the players, be enthusiastic and cheerful whenever the reporters wanted to know her opinion. The public loved it.

And then she met the man who would later become her husband. Her first mistake was fall head over heels in love with him, becoming the first in many generations to marry out of love and not for power reasons.Not long after officially becoming a Lockhart the pair welcomed a baby. The world was static but no one was as happy as Daphne. That tiny baby, and the ones that followed, melted the remaining ice in her heart and allowed her to be soft without having to give up her reputation. The love she felt for them both freed her and became a prison. It made her vulnerable in a good way. 

For a while, things were good but then the rumors about the affairs of her husband started. Daphne decided to ignore them. Rumors were just rumors but the marriage suffered the consequences regardless. After all those years her insecurity made a reappearance and her walls rebuild. Her career became her main focus once again and she started a fashion line and a modeling agency.

 As a mother she is quite demanding; she wants her kids to be the very best in what they do, to leave a mark in the world. But she is also kind of a mamma bear. No one messes with her family and lives to tell. She will destroy you and have no remorse about it. And you don't really want to mess with her because she's vindictive and cruel with those who wrong her. She cares deeply about them and has no shame in showing; as long as there is no one watching. But she has never been quite capable of leaving her need to be perfect behind and therefore doesn't allow herself to show any "bad" emotion in front of her kids. They probably had never seen her cry ( at least it was by accident ) or be sad. Which is not the best way to raise kids, but you know. The kid from the affair was a low blow. 

She's pretty furious about it but worry not, no one knows this. She accepted to take him in because despite being mad is rational enough to understand that the kid is just another victim of the whole thing. She won't go out of her way to make him welcome at the house but neither to make him feel unwelcome. He is just another person who lives under her roof. Only he is the breathing reminder of the unfaithfulness of her husband. 

Now to her secret. Daphne really loved her husband, really, really did. So rather than blaming him for the affair (s?) she blames herself for being stupid enough to allow herself to fall for him. Don't think this will keep her from projecting all her rage on him. She's planning on ruining his career and embarrass him the same way he has embarrassed her. 

Some trivia: 

- She was named after the Greek myth ( I named her after Daphne Greengrass but hey Harry Potter wasn't a thing back then )

- When she's really angry she doesn't shout, instead speaks in a flat tone and her face becomes emotionless. It is very, very scary. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS;; 

A close friend;; a friend from that time of her life she was more relaxed that has stuck with her over the years despite her personality and meanness. it would be sort of a confidant that knows she isn't as bad as she pretends to be.

Fake friends;; most of her friendships will fall in this category.

Coworkers;; maybe they are working together now, maybe they did in the past. 

[iamthefatlady]

Letters to Deborah Spungen Below is a transcript of two letters sent from Sid to Deborah Spungen a fortnight following Nancy's murder. They first appeared in her book, 'And I Don't Wan't to Live This Life' in 1983. The second letter arrived three days after the first. ⚫♥⚫ Dear Debbie, thank you for phoning me the other night. It was so comforting to hear your voice. You are the only person who really understands how much Nancy and I love each other. Every day without Nancy gets worse and worse. I just hope that when I die I go the same place as her. Otherwise I will never find peace. Frank said in the paper that Nancy was born in pain and lived in pain all her life. When I first met her, and for about six months after that, I spent practically the whole time in tears. Her pain was just too much to bear. Because, you see, I felt Nancy's pain as though it were my own, worse even. But she said that I must be strong for her or otherwise she would have to leave me. So I became strong for her, and she began to stop having asthma attacks and seemed to be going through a lot less pain. I realized that she had never known love and was desperately searching for someone to love her. It was the only thing she really needed. I gave her the love that she needed so badly and it comforts me to know that I made her very happy during the time we were together, where she had only known unhappiness before. Oh Debbie, I love her with such passion. Every day is agony without her. I know now that it is possible to die from a broken heart. Because when you love someone as much as we love each other, they become fundamental to your existence. So I will die soon, even if I don't kill myself. I guess you could say that I'm pining for her. I could live without food or water longer than I'm going to survive with out Nancy. Thank you so much for understanding us, Debbie. It means so much to me, and I know it meant alot to Nancy. She really loves you, and so do I. How did she know when she was going to die? I always prayed that she was wrong, but deep inside I knew she was right. Nancy was a very special person, too beautiful for this world. I feel so privileged to have loved her, and been loved by her. Oh Debbie, it was such a beautiful love. I can't go on without it. When we first met, we knew we were made for each other, and fell in love with each other immediately. We were totally inseparable and were never apart. We had certain telepathic abilities, too. I remember about nine months after we met, I left Nancy for awhile. After a couple of weeks of being apart, I had a strange feeling that Nancy was dying. I went straight to the place she was staying and when I saw her, I knew it was true. I took her home with me and nursed her back to health, but I knew that if I hadn't bothered she would have died. Nancy was just a poor baby, desperate for love. It made me so happy to give her love, and believe me, no man ever loved a woman with such burning passion as I love Nancy. I never even looked at others. No one was as beautiful as my Nancy. Enclosed is a poem I wrote for her. It kind of sums up how much I love her. If possible, I would love to see you before I die. You are the only one who understood. Love, Sid XXX P.S. Thank you, Debbie, for understanding that I have to die. Everyone else just thinks I am being weak. All I can say is that they never loved anyone as passionately as I love Nancy. I always felt unworthy to be loved by someone so beautiful as her. Everything we did was beautiful. At the climax of our lovemaking, I just used to break down and cry. It was so beautiful it was almost unbearable. It makes me mad when people say "you must have really loved her." So they think I don't still love her? At least when I die, we will be together again. I feel like a lost child, so alone. The nights are the worst. I used to hold Nancy close to me all night so that she wouldn't have nightmares and I just can't sleep without my beautiful baby in my arms. So warm and gentle and vulnerable. No one should expect me to live without her. She was a part of me. My heart. Debbie, please come and see me. You are the only person who knows what I am going through. If you don't want to, could you please phone me again, and write. I love you. NANCY You were my little baby girl And I shared all your fears. Such joy to hold you in my arms And kiss away your tears. But now you're gone there's only pain And nothing I can do. And I don't want to live this life If I can't live for you. To my beautiful baby girl. Our love will never die. ⚫♥⚫ Dear Debbie, I'm dying. Slowly, and in great pain. My baby is gone, without her I have no will to live. I love her so desperately. I know I can never make it without her. Nancy became my whole life. She was the only thing that mattered to me. I'm glad I could make her happy. I gave her everything she ever wanted, just for the asking. When we only had enough money for one of us to get straight, I always gave it to Nancy. It was less painful to be sick myself than it was to see her sick. When you love someone that much you cannot lose them and still be able to go on. I know that if I lived to be a thousand years old I would never find anyone like Nancy. No one can ever take her place. I love Nancy and Nancy only. I will always love her. Even after I am dead. I have only eaten a few mouthfuls of food since she died. I may die of starvation in this place. I just hope it comes soon, so that I can be with Nancy again. We always knew that we would go to the same place when we died. We so much wanted to die together in each other's arms. I cry every time I think about that. I promised my baby that I would kill myself if anything ever happened to her, and she promised me the same. This is my final commitment to the one I love. I worshipped Nancy. It was far more than just love. To me she was a goddess. She used to make me kiss her feet before we made love. No one ever loved the way we did, and to spend even a day away from her, let alone a whole lifetime, is too painful to even think about. Oh Debbie, I never knew what pain was until this happened. Nancy was my whole life. I lived for her. Now I must die for her. It gave me such pleasure to give her anything she wanted. She was just like a child. She used to call me "daddy" when she was upset, and I used to call her "mamma" and she used to nurse me at her breast and call me her "baby boy". I tried to kill myself but they got me to hospital before I died. Nancy knows that I will soon be with her. Please pray that we will be together. I can never find peace until we are together again. Oh Debbie, she was the most beautiful person I ever knew. I would have done anything for her. Nancy once asked if I would pour petrol over myself and set it on fire if she told me to. I said I would, and I meant it. If you would happily die for someone, then how can you live without them. I can't go on without her. She always said she would die before she was twenty-one, and I never doubted it. Goodbye, Debbie. I love you. Sid XXX

[poppyknitt]

Nobis Faciunt Pars- A JSE Egos Fanfic

*Minor angst and blood/gore warning for the end of this fic! It hurt me to write, so I can basically guarantee you it will hurt like all hell to read!

Recap: The egos all have pets now! Weird. ... Yknow, I originally intended to have this recap be much longer, but then I realized that sentence is literally a perfect one-sentence summary of all the previous fics in this universe. Whoops.

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[April 29th, 2017, our time]

Jackie felt his heart was on the verge of exploding. Today was the big day. After several years of being engaged, he was finally going to marry the love of his life. He took a deep breath in, adjusted his bowtie, and turned, walking out of the door, too the car, where Schneep was waiting to drive him to the event.

He rehearsed his vows in his head over and over, trying to make sure he didn’t stumble over his words as he spoke them later on.

His best friend, was today his best man. His brother, today a ring bearer. His friend, later watching on silently, happy for how far he had come. His bride-to-be, smiling and having fun in the after party. His sidekick, loyally perched to the side, watching on in confused awe.

Today was going to be an amazing day.

~~

“... Simon, you may now state your vows.”

He steadied himself, taking in a deep breath, as he prepared to let his emotions for this woman flow, “Ava, my love, I don’t know where I’d be today without you. You’re the light that helped guide me through even the darkest of times, and I can’t see myself with anyone else. Your smile is the most beautiful thing to grace my vision, your voice is like a melody, one that could rid someone of all worries and fears instantly if they aren’t careful...” His gaze briefly flickered to the audience, where he saw his twin sons, whom were nearly two years old now, and he smiled, as he continued, “... Together, we have two beautiful baby boys, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Ava, my darling, I promise you, I will never ignore you when you’re crying, I will never hold my emotions back from you, I’ll never abandon you, and no matter what, I will always love you more than anything in the world.”

As he spoke, he heard several “Awwww”’s from the guests, and felt his cheeks heating up a bit at the attention.

“Ava, you may now recite your vows, as well.”

“Simon, for the near decade we’ve known each other for, you have filled my life with joy, happiness, and love. There was never a moment I was with you that I regret, and I’m ecstatic to know I get to spend the rest of my life with you and our boys. When I’m with you, there is never a dull moment, and all my worries wash away. I still remember the day you asked me to be your girlfriend, and it is by far the fondest memory I have, followed closely by the day we met, and the day you asked me to marry you, nearly two years ago. You’re my everything, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She looked him straight in the eyes as she spoke, “Simon, I promise to never hold you accountable for my actions or reactions, to never allow myself to harm you in any form, to always do my best to keep your spirits up, and never to even so much as goggle at another man for as long as we may live.”

Jackie felt his heart soaring as she spoke, and he briefly glanced to the front row, where Chase, Liam, Brandon, Ava’s family, and Jackie’s friends, Olivia and Oliver, sat. Chase was holding back tears of happiness, while trying to juggle watching the ceremony and making sure neither Liam or Brandon got into trouble. Liam was sleeping, and Brandon was totally quiet. Ava’s attending family members were all basically having the same, joy-filled reactions, and his friends really just looked sincerely happy for them.

The rest of the ceremony went by in the blink of an eye, and before he knew it, they were celebrating, having fun, and eating cake.

~~~~

[Late July, 2017]

Jackie stood between his sons and Anti, his posture uncertain, and face glittering with fear, anger, and determination all at once. He hadn’t used his powers in so long, after having quit the hero gig a little over two years ago, so he could focus more on helping Ava with the boys, and on maintaining a steadier source of income, especially since that was back when the wedding was still in the final stages of preparation. He didn’t know where the other egos and his beloved were, though, he had a feeling they were all out either working or enjoying themselves. Today just happened to be the only day of the week he had off work that the others did not.

“You’r͢e suc̸h ͞a ̵goơd fat̨he͜ŗ, ̴Ja҉cki҉e...͝ ͜I̢n f͠act,̧ I’́d͠ ̡say it͞’s̶ ͜r҉athe̴r bǫld of̷ ỳo͢u t́o͞ ̧le̶t your poor̀ ͜“wif̡e̷y” go͘ ̨missín̢ģ, j̨úst͢ ̵to͢ prot̵ec̡t ̴y͝ou͜r sons.̡..̢” The glitch’s tone was full of mockery and malice, his face bearing the usual maddened look to it.

“What the hell are you talking about?! Ava’s at work! I’m not stupid!” He countered, a small spec of confusion bleeding into his expression.

“Oh? Is it not̢ ơb͘vioús͞ ̶to͘ yoú, Ja͘ck͝ie͡?͏ ̕Ḑi̡d̴ ̡you nót ̛b͝eg͜in t҉o s̷u̢sp̶e̴ct̢ ̸w͡h̢e҉n̡ ͟sh̴e ̧ne͠glecte̷d ̕to͡ r̀ȩs̢ṕo͡n̕d t͘o͝ ͏yo̸ur ̛at́te̛m̡ptś ͝at ͞r̛ea͢ching͞ her?͏” His heart dropped at the chilling words. She really didn’t respond to anything, did she? The more he thought about it, the less logical it became that she had been too busy. Surely, by now, she would’ve responded and told him she wasn’t available at the time he’d contacted her, right?

Just as he started sinking into despair, he was flung back into reality when he heard the sound of someone snapping their fingers, and, had to hold back a cry of fear, worry, and heartbreak when he saw Ava there, now being held in the air by Anti, who had his hand gripping tightly onto her throat.

“Mamma!” Liam cried in despair, and Jackie immediately ducked to hug his boys close and shield their eyes and ears from the sights and sounds he knew were to come.

“Simon, please..” Ava choked out, her cheeks stained with tears. He gritted his teeth as he, too, began to cry.

“T̴i̛ck̀, ͝toçk,̢ ̸Jackiebóy.͢...̴ Y̢o̢u ͏hav̛e͞ o̶nly̴ ҉a ͟miņut͟e ̕to͏ deci͜d̀ȩ ͠b͢ęt͡w͠ȩe̛n̷ ̷s͜acrif͜icing̸ ́o͞ne ̡of ͢you͞r ̢bro̡tḩer̢s,͡ ̕or l͠etting͜ ͡yo̷ur d͢e͏ar ҉lover̨ ̀di̡e ̸v͢i̛oleǹt̵l̨y r͠ight͜ h̕ȩre͝,́ ̶a͘nd̴ ͘rig̡ḩt n̛ow.” The twisted, glitchy villain cooed mockingly, his tone growing horridly sour in the final phrase.

His breath caught in his throat, as his eyes widened. Oh god... No! He- He couldn’t decide! That- That would be wrong! This... This was the life of one of his brothers versus the life of the mother of his children!

“H͞ur̡r̡y ͜ưp͠,͝ h҉e͢ro... Th͏e҉re͘’̵s onl̕y ͟t̕hi̢r̡ty ̕sec͢onds ͟le͠f͡t ͘t̸o de̶cidé... O̴h̨, ͟a̸nd̸ ͞dǫn’t̷ eve͟n ţh̛in̷k about ͜tr͞yi̵ng͘ ̶t̛o ́at͢tac̛k m͘e͟... B̛eca͢use if ͡yo̶u͜ even t̢h̛i͡n͝k a̷bo͏ut ́us͡ing̸ your̢ ͢p̴òw̴ers t̷o ͘stop ̀m̢e͘? I’̛l͞l͜ ju͏s̨t̕ ̛hav̸é ́to͘ ͞go bot͠h ̡d̨i̢récti͠ońs.” The glitch’s grin widened, and Jackie’s mind was racing desperately to find the right choice, but to no avail.

“Kids, go to your room, okay..?” Jackie whispered, and Brandon nodded knowingly, grabbing his brother by the sleeve, and hurriedly running upstairs to their bedroom, shutting the door and presumably locking it behind them. Anti tsked at his act of compassion.

“1̢5̡ sec͜o̡ņd̸s...”

“Simon, please... Don’t let him take one of the others... Don’t let him win...” Ava pleaded with him, her voice broken and raspy. He knew she was suffering. He didn’t want to loose her, but he didn’t want to loose any one of his brothers, either.

“Ti̕m̀e̡’͝s ͝up, ̧Ja͜c͢kie... L͏o͜ok̨s l͏ike I’ll ̴h͢av͟e ̧to͝ mak̀e th͝e deci͝s͘io͞n f͠o͡r y̢ơu͠.” Anti’s eyes lit up sadistically as he spoke, and he took his knife out, using it to tear open Ava’s back. She shrieked in pain.

“NO!” Jackie shot up, his cheeks covered in tears and his hand extended as he tried to grab her from the glitch, but he was shoved violently back, falling onto the ground as though he were any normal human, and, well, not a superhero.

Anti dropped Ava, and drove his knife violently into her skull, killing her instantly. Jackie could only sit back and watch in traumatized horror as the glitch proceeded to worsen the injuries even after she had already passed, crushing her ribs under his boots several times with a sickening crunch!, and finally slitting her throat for good measure. He wanted to move, to get up, to do anything to stop this monster from doing any more harm, however, he was glued in place by his fear, dread, and crushing regret.

Anti, having gotten what he wanted, left without further word, the only remaining evidence of him ever being there in the first place being Jackie’s tear-stained face, Ava’s gruesomely beaten body, the blood that had spattered everywhere from the first slice, and the knife that was left next to the once beautiful maiden’s now blood-soaked head, which laid resting on its side, gazing emptily at Jackie with those now dulled, dead eyes, that had once been the stars of his world.

All he could do, was shakily reach to his pocket, where his phone was, and try to dial for one of his brothers, regardless of how shaky and broken up he was.

~~

Chase practically kicked the front door off of its hinges, and immediately bolted to Jackie’s side, relieved to see that he wasn’t injured. “Jackie, what the hell hap-?!”

It was then that he saw Ava, and his heart stopped, as he understood why Jackie sounded so distressed in the call. He scooped the once-great hero that was reduced to a sobbing, broken mess by such a violent act of cruelty up, hugging him tightly with the best bear hug he could muster. Jackie sobbed grotesquely into his shoulder, and Chase had to hold himself back from tears, as the final pieces of the puzzle settled in.

Anti had forced Jackie to watch the brutal murder of his wife.

Oh, god... If he had been there, he could’ve stopped this..! He- He could’ve helped Jackie save Ava!

He couldn’t bear to imagine what his brother must be feeling. God... Even just the thought of Stacy having the same fate as Ava gave him chills.

It wasn’t long before the sound of another car arriving in the driveway echoed through the still-open door, and Henrik ran in, too.

“Chase! Is Jackie alright?! I- I felt-!” He stopped when he saw the messy scene, “Chase, go look for Liam and Brandon! I will stay here, to look after Jackie.”

“Okay, yeah, good plan, doc.” Chase let Henrik take Jackie, whom was pretty much immobilized by what he assumed was trauma, and ran upstairs, yelling for his nephews.

“We’re in here! Ferris came with us!” Brandon yelled from inside their room. The door unlocked, and Chase opened it, going inside and checking on them.

He kneeled down to the floor, so he wasn’t so big to them, “Are you guys okay?”

“Mamma! Where’s mamma?!” Liam sobbed, practically magnetizing onto Chase in a distressed glomp, “I want to see mom!”

“No, no, it’s okay, Liam, you don’t need to see your mom right now, okay? I promise you, she wants you to be okay and safe, first and foremost, alright?” He responded, hugging him back and rubbing his back in the typical comforting way he would with his own kids, as Ferris, who was previously perched protectively on Brandon’s bedpost, flew over to them and landed next to Chase, tilting his head curiously at the small four-year-old boy that was clinging to his chest. Brandon also came over, and, with tears in his eyes, finally asked the big question, “Is momma okay, Uncle Chase..?”

“... She’s... gone on a vacation. To a better place.” He said, his heart feeling like it just had a knife jabbed into it as he spoke.

“... Will she ever come back..?”

“... Let’s hope not... She’s a lot happier where she is now...”

Liam finally looked up, his voice shaking with heartbreak and grief as he spoke, “... She’s dead, isn’t she..?”

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WorldView Prologue Part four

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enjoy your dosage of sudden pain, everyone. lmao im so sorry this fic wasn’t supposed to turn out this way but i just ran out of ideas for the first scene and knew Ava was gonna die at some point so it’s just like “why not just get it over with?”. I also was held up on this one because I didn’t know when exactly the summer egopocalypse of 2017 happened so i just kinda said Fuck It and had Ava die a month befor Schneep gets taken, just for that little extra bit of o o f to hit wv!Jackie and make him the superb but depressive lil superhero dude he is today

@antis-loyal-puppet @rorald-spooks @tiny-septic-puppet @septic-dr-schneep @ihaveanunhealthyteaaddiction @insaneangel18-blog

[hiddlestaan]

mamma mia!

Summary: Relationships suck. You think you finally find the one that you’ll live happily ever after with and get married with and have children with, and then they go behind your back and have an affair with your best friend. Yeah, relationships really suck. At least you still have your friends and Mamma Mia.

A/N: This isn’t based off of mamma mia in any way. I was just listening to the soundtrack and i felt inspired to write this little one-shot! hope you all enjoy! also this is my first steve fic! 

Jacob Anderson was everything I ever thought I wanted. Or maybe he was the only thing I knew to be love. Jacob “confessed” his feelings to me senior year of High School at the annual Sadie Hawkins dance. I shared my first slow dance with Jacob. A waste really. He didn’t even know how to dance. But, I was a school-girl in love, and when he told me he liked me under the unflattering fluorescent lighting of the gymnasium to the tune of ‘I’ve Been Waiting For You’ I fell for him. He was the first guy to ever tell me how he feels about me, and I leapt at the chance of being able to share my life with someone. Natasha warned me about Jacob, but I didn’t listen to her. I didn’t want to listen to her. I just wanted someone, and Jacob was that someone. I should have listened to her. She said I deserved someone way better, someone like Stevie. He was a pure ray of sunshine, a big fluffy teddy bear. Steve and I had been friends for a long time, and there was a part of my life where I did harvest emotions for him, but they were immediately put to a stop when he started dating Sharon. Plus, it didn’t really matter. I was with Jacob. What a mistake. I spent five years of my life with Jacob. I delusioned myself into believing that he could be the one. There were obvious signs that he was being unfaithful, but I didn’t want to believe it. I wouldn’t. Natasha warned me again, and this time I decided to listen to her. That’s when I caught Jacob and my supposed best friend, Angie, in bed together. It wasn’t my apartment, so I threw some things around for theatrical effect and out of pure anger. I’m sure he tried to “explain the situation” but I couldn’t hear through my loud crying and consistent smashing of picture frames. I packed my things and left him in his apartment with my ‘best friend.’ I didn’t really have a place to stay or anything like that, so I called the person I knew I could count on.

“Hey, Nat” I sniffled “Y/N? What’s wrong?” she asked, worry lacing her voice “You were right, Nat” I cried, “Jacob was cheating on me. I…I was walking back home and I caught him in bed with Angie” “That bitch! God! I knew it. That douche bag doesn’t deserve you, Y/N” she hissed “Listen, I left him and I don’t have anywhere to stay. You think I can crash with you for a few days? I promise I’ll get out of your hair once I find somewhere to stay” I sniffled “Of course, Y/N. You can stay with me as long as you want. We’re on our way to pick you up” she assured “Wait, Nat!” I said, but she hung up before I could finish my sentence. Who else was with her?

I walked over to a nearby bench, two bags filled with my things right next to me. A lot of my things were still up there, but I couldn’t bring myself to go back up there. I refused to look behind me, because I would be forced to confront the place I spent two years in with the person I thought I loved and loved me. I sat in silence, until the only thing I heard were my silent sobs. As if things couldn’t get any worse, It started raining. Of course it’s raining. What is my life? A tragic comedy? The rain only deepened my somber mood.  

It had been about twenty minutes since I called Nat when I finally recognized her car coming down the road. I let out an obvious sigh of relief when she stopped in front of me. She wasn’t the first to get out of her car though. Steve opened the passenger door and bolted to my side. He removed his sweater in one swift mood and placed it over my head. Our eyes met for a split second before he enveloped me in his arms. Nat made her way out of the car with a small smile on her face when she saw Steve holding me tightly.

“You’re going to have tear stains on your shirt, Stevie” I mumbled against his chest. “Doesn’t matter” responded Steve Steve slowly peeled him arms off me to let Nat give me a hug. Nat made her way towards me, wiping the tears off my face with the bud of her thumb. “Don’t waste your perfectly good mascara on that asshole” she consoled. Nat always knew how to make me laugh. Her smile got bigger once she heard my laugh.   “Now, c’mon, you two are going to get hypothermia if you’re out here any longer without a sweater” she joked She headed back towards her car. Stevie opened the door of the backseat for me before making his way next to me. “Hey, Steve, weren’t you sitting up here?” teased Nat “Nat” warned Steve

She just laughed it off and continued to drive towards her apartment. It wouldn’t be a drive with Natasha without music. In light of what happened to me she played my favorite music, which of course was almost all to depressing. She had a playlist on my phone named “Y/N’s Songs” that she played whenever I was in the car with her. Most of the songs consisted of sappy and depressing love songs. And of course ‘the lonely’ by Christina perri had to come of shuffle.

“God, this is depressing, Y/N” sighed Nat “Yeah, it is” I whispered “Do you want me to change it? You know what I’m changing it. If we’re gonna listen to Christina Perri might as well listen to ‘Jar of Hearts’ or something, not this” asked Nat

Before I could detest Steve unplugged Natasha’s phone, plugging in his own and the familiar, uplifting beat started to play almost instantly.

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line Honey I'm still free Take a chance on me

Nat did a full 180 turn from her seat and raised her eyebrow at Steve.

“What? I also happen to like Mamma Mia” “Since when?” questioned Nat “Pff, that doesn’t matter.  Keep your eyes on the road, Romanoff”

She resigned and turned to face the road with a very obvious smirk on her face. 

“Thank you, Stevie. Mamma Mia is just what I needed” I laughed “I thought it might help lift your spirits” he smiled “Well, consider my spirits lifted” I said

The rest of the ride we sang to Mamma Mia. When I heard ‘Lay All Your Love On Me’ come on shuffle I immediately looked at Steve wide-eyed. He gave me a knowing smile before singing. I couldn’t help but join in. Nat didn’t exactly know what was going on, but she was just happy that I finally smiling again, and that the person responsible for it was Steve.

Don’t go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me Don’t go sharing your devotion Lay all your love on me.

“As much as I enjoyed that carpool karaoke, we’re finally here” said Nat “Nooo, can we just keep driving” I whined, not wanting to go back to reality “I know how tempting that might sound, but your problems aren’t going to go way by simply singing the entire Mamma Mia soundtrack. We gotta face it, babe” retorted Nat I sighed. I knew she was right. “Fine” I huffed, “Wait, aren’t we going to give Stevie a ride home?” “Didn’t I tell you? Steve and I are roommates. Now, c’mon the rest of the guys are coming over for some good old breakup therapy. Which is basically eating lots of pizza and ice cream. I already ordered, so let’s head on in” said Nat.

She jumped out of her car and ran to the front door, quickly opening it and shaking herself dry before entering her apartment. I was going to open my side door, but Steve urged that I exit from his side of the car. He pulled his sweater slightly over me, shielding my head from the downpour of the rain. Once we were inside, Nat got the heater running and boiled some water for hot chocolate. I cuddled myself in a blanket on the couch, hoping to get warm quickly. Steve walked into the room with a cup of something I couldn’t quite make out.

“What’s that?” I asked “It’s for you. It’s apple juice. I know you don’t really like hot liquids, so you won’t be drinking any coffee or hot chocolate. So, I thought I’d bring you your favorite” “I do love apple juice, especially with” “Two ice cubes. I know” “You still remember” “How could I forget”

I smiled. I couldn’t help but smile when Stevie was around. But, he was with Sharon and I just broke up. I couldn’t get into something like that with Steve.

“So, your spending your Friday night here instead of with Sharon?” I asked “Sharon? Why would I… We… uh… we broke up months ago” he answered “Oh, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me? Are you okay?” “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. It wasn’t messy or anything like that. My heart just wasn’t in the relationship, and Sharon deserved better than that. We’re still friends, but that’s as far as we go. And, you were never really around to tell things to. You were always with Jacob” “God, I’m a terrible friend. I’m sorry. I just… I really thought that he was going to be the one. I spent five years of my life with him… and I don’t think I was ever in love with him. I think I was in love with the idea of loving someone, so I fooled myself into thinking I loved him and in the process I forgot all the people that I loved. Like you. And Nat, and the rest of the gang. I’m sorry, Stevie” “You don’t have to apologize, Y/N. I have you back now” he said, “Well, I mean… we have you back now. Not just me… um… you know what? I’m going to go check on the cookies” “Cookies?” “Yeah, I uh, baked you some chocolate chip cookies. They’re still your favorite, right?”

I nodded with a big smile on my face. With Steve going into the kitchen, Nat came into the living room.

“What was that all about?” asked Nat, with a smirk on her face “What?” I asked “You and Steve?” “Oh, nothing! We were just catching up is all” I smiled, “Hey, you never told me he broke up with Sharon” “It wasn’t my place to say. Steve told you?” “Yeah. I apologized for being such a crappy excuse of a friend and he told me I had nothing to apologize for” I said, “And then he said ‘I have you back now’” “What?” “Yeah, he said that, but then he got really awkward and went on to say that ‘we have you back now’ and then he bolted into the kitchen to check on the cookies” “I knew it” “What? What did you know?” I questioned “Oh, c’mon, Y/N, Steve totally still has feelings for you. He had them when you were with Jacob, he had them when he was with Sharon, and he still has them” explained Nat “What? No! Steve does not like me” I detested “You’re kidding me right? He totally digs you” said Sam “Um, when did you get here? And how’d you get in?” asked Nat “Calm down, red. I’m came with Clint and Bucky. May I remind you that your boyfriend Clint has a key?” “Where is said boyfriend of mine?” asked Nat “Probably in the kitchen eating the cookies Steve was baking. Am I correct in assuming he was baking them for you, Y/N?” asked Sam “Uh, yeah. He’s just being nice” I said “Right” smirked Sam

Bucky came into the living room and lifted me up into a tight hug. Besides from Nat, Bucky was my bestest friend. He’s one the reasons I met Steve. He invited Steve to a movie we were going to watch and we instantly clicked. When I found out Steve was friends with Nat, we were basically inseparable. My two best friends were friends with Steve Rogers. It was like the world wanted us to meet. Bucky knows basically everything there is to know about me, just like Nat. He also knows how important the relationship I had with Jacob was to me.

“You okay, doll?” “I’ve been better, barnes” “I bet. Don’t let that douchebag get you down. You have all of us. And we are going to eat all the pizza and ice cream in the world and we’re gonna sing ABBA at the top of our lungs until the whole world disappears. How does that sound, doll?” “Perfect” I laughed “That’s what I like to hear!” he hollered

Steve came out with his freshly baked cookies accompanied with strawberry flavored milk and placed them right in front of me. Everyone around us looked at each other with knowing eyes, but I couldn’t focus on anyone but Steve.

“So, what movie we watching” asked Sam “We’re gonna watch Mamma Mia” answered Steve “No, we don’t have to” I added “I think we kinda do” argued Bucky

I smiled before nodding my head in agreement. Nat logged into her Netflix account and started playing Mamma Mia. Steve was about to go sit next to Bucky, but I grabbed him and pulled him down next to me.

“I have to have my karaoke buddy next to me. You will sing with me, right?” I asked “Of course” he smiled

We sang along with every song, even Nat joined in once the lyrics were on the screen. The movie was about to come to a close and that’s when the song started to play again.

If you need me, let me know, gonna be around If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown Honey I'm still free Take a chance on me

“Steve?” I whispered He hummed in response, turning his head to face me. “We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together” I sang “Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better” he sang back “Steve... I… Will you take a chance on me? I’ve known love before, but I never thought it would take on a new direction. I never thought it would lead me to you” “I’ve been waiting for you, doll. Since the day I met you” We slowly leaned into kiss each other and when our lips finally met, everyone yelled out “Mamma Mia!”

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

I did my best to put it in some kind of order but it got messy and I'm helpless about what I should write even after having read the FAQ and more than 20 pages of your posts so bear with me, please. The more I studied the functions, the less I know. So I'm really annoyed when people do things in a certain way because that's how it was done - there's nothing wrong with sticking to tried ways but everyone should think why they do it instead of mindlessly following a set path. (1/???)

A note to readers: if I may ask, please hold back your own sarcasm and such.

I don’t explicitly set a length limit anywhere for asks as most people stop at a fairly reasonable 5 or 6 - I’ve gotten extremely long asks only a few other times and those were mostly overnight for me so I didn’t get to weigh in in medias res, so while this person definitely needs to work on editing there’s some good content. Had there been anything egregiously offensive, ignorant, or annoying I’d have been much more brusque or I’d just have blocked them; this was a genuine misread of the situation. It’s really hard for me to define what’s good to send for typing; it’s very much a case of knowing it when I see it and I know that can be difficult for some people to interpret. Answer is below the jump.

Hi anon,

I may have had some mild fun at your expense; when I see someone is 10 messages deep and talking about Mamma Mia I have to say I have concerns about their ability to decide what is relevant information.

Anyway I’m going to answer this piece by piece. This will not be my, uh, least snarky answer; the cost of doing business of mbti typing with me for no money is that I like to enjoy myself. But I will attempt to also provide a good faith answer as you have some solid examples within all this.

I did my best to put it in some kind of order but it got messy and I'm helpless about what I should write even after having read the FAQ and more than 20 pages of your posts so bear with me, please.

As you can see I will not really bear with you but I do appreciate you doing some research

The more I studied the functions, the less I know. So I'm really annoyed when people do things in a certain way because that's how it was done - there's nothing wrong with sticking to tried ways but everyone should think why they do it instead of mindlessly following a set path. (1/???)

I feel like people use this sort of language to be like “please don’t type me as a high Si user” when in fact this is EXTREMELY high healthy Si user. Thought it could be a lower Si user as well. Anyway, moving on

For example, it's sad how many people believe in God just because thats how they were raised without actually reading the Bible (no hard feelings to believers, I also believe)

I’m...not going to unpack that

I like to speak out loud some ideas with no thoughts of acting on them but some people tend to believe I'm dead set on the idea and it causes some misunderstandings. Also, I have at least 6 back up plans for my future in case some of them won't fly. (2/???)

Here’s the deal when people say they’ve studied EVERYTHING and then ramble on for a long time and can’t type themselves I often suspect the issue isn’t that they don’t know MBTI but that they need to learn themselves. Contingency plans tend to be Ne-Si; speaking out loud with no plans to act is pretty normal.

I plan on going to a country abroad in 2 years from now and I've already made plans what I want to see there. I have a list of places I need to visit arranged in order so I could visit as many places in the most effective way because I don't want to waste my precious time spend there. I also enjoy telling people about my plans of going there as it makes me really excited. The unknown excites me and I enjoy wandering around a city I visit for the first time because I don't know it.

I can’t type off of this specifically yet but it’s interesting because you have extremely detailed plans (more of a sensing thing) but for a trip that I can’t imagine you’ve finalized if it’s that far off.

Wandering around cities is great though, I agree with you there.

I'm also really good at remembering routes and getting to the destination. I like figuring out how to get there.

Maybe immature Si user actually? Getting really indignant about poor use of Si, plus that bit about the bible I said I wouldn’t unpack sounds like it could be as well especially if paired with Fe and/or Christian views of religion.

I'm a bit reserved at first as I need to test the waters before I decide I like someone. It takes me sometime to warm up but I actually enjoy small talk and feel tempted to speak to a cashier at shop or a fellow passenger at bus which isn't as socially acceptable at my country so I don't really do this - I don't want to come across as a weird person but at the same time, (4/???)

I'm not really bothered to play a social game and I often seem to be rude (resting bitch face, actually I'm not judgmental and I'm quite chill about most of things). I know in mbti e vs i isn't perceived in a traditional way but I identify as ambivert as most of people, heh. My introverted friends say I'm an extravert but extraverts find me a quiet girl. I'm also 9w1 if that helps.

Yeah I’m thinking ISFJ now honestly, not wanting to violate social norms, introverted but enjoys small talk, and 9w1 goes with ISFJ a lot.

I've been also always thought to be a smart one who knows a lot of stuff about many things (5/???)

I could say I'm a walking contradiction as I mentioned in my previous post btw I'm sorry I asked you to type me with a vague info, this time I put a lot of effort ♡ Oh god please don’t say you’re a walking contradiction, I truly believe your intentions are good here and I do not hold this against you but that phrase is what guys who think they’re going to make it in a band despite having no talent say in their tinder bios.

At first I was sure I'm Ne/Si but now I see a possibility of being Ni/Se.I often forget what I'm supposed to do as I've just done because I had this super relevant thing to write but I forgot, damn it.

You seem very nice and perhaps just sort of young so I would suggest...writing this in advance instead of stream of consciousness which might help you organize your thoughts and edit yourself a little? I’m writing this response in advance. Like 90% of my answers I write in a Google Doc and then paste it into the Tumblr askbox later. It’s great.

(6/???) I'm getting lost in the numbers

Hard same.

I'm also quite stubborn and I'll study a thing as long as it's needed for me to fully understand it - it drives me crazy when I study for an exam, I ask my friend for help because I don't understand the concept and she tells me I don't need to understand it, I just need to memorize it.

Sounds very much like Ti here, which fits the earlier typing of Fe-user.

I do things for 101% or I don't do it at all.

I’m guilty of saying this too; I think many people see this quality in themselves unfortunately and I’m not sure it ultimately means much.

I also have a friend who helps me to stay grounded as she remembers some stuff for me and I'm pretty sure I'll be lost without her (7/???) I didn't think I wrotesomuch

yeah...about that.

I'm quite oblivious on daily basis, I went through school hallway and didn't notice a big ballot box. I only notice things when i want to and it's not a natural thing for me. But when I do pay attention, I'm sometimes mischievous on purpose and enjoy pushing buttons of others. I work on not doing it, I promiseI have a great talent to focusing on irrelevant things and I struggle to do well in my infp teacher classes - even though I know I need a shitload of details from readings (8/???)

So here’s the thing: I really don’t think you use Ni. First of all, the stream of consciousness thing tends to be something Ni users don’t like to do in my experience: they like to edit. They also just...don’t sound the way you do? Like this is rambly but it’s coherent in a way an INFJ ramble of this nature wouldn’t be. You could be an INTP actually with rigid low Si and Fe instead of immature higher Si though. But I’m pretty confident at this point you use the Fe-Ti and Ne-Si axes.

One thing I do find funny, even though I suppose I set people up for it, is when I get asks that are like “here is the detailed description of when I didn’t notice a detail and here is what I didn’t notice”. Like, we do all miss things and while it’s more common in intuitives, my legally-blind-without-glasses Si-dom mother does this too because she can’t see for shit, so.

to do well in exam, I always choose things that aren't relevant to her. She's an excellent teacher and I enjoy her insights. As for Ni/Se, I'm amazed how many things my peers do without thinking about consequences. For example, I wouldn't drink till I'm unconscious because I know I would upset my parents. I perceived it as ni, might be wrong though.

You are wrong in that this isn’t Ni, it’s called basic self-preservation. I’ve gotten extremely drunk from time to time in my life but I have never gotten drunk to the point of involuntary passing out because that is when you fucking die. Your instincts are correct here, your reasoning about your parents is probably Fe, but your decision itself is not Ni.

(9/???) Now, I'm geniually sorry I wrote so much even though I'm not usually but this case is special

I appreciate the apology but this is something I often observe with people who use Fe: they’ll apologize several timesfor long asks or asks that ignore the FAQ or whatever, but like, they still do it. I’ve had to have this conversation IRL with Fe users actually, of “I’m really not looking for an apology, I’m looking for the thing you’ve apologized for to stop.” That is a whole other post about communication though that I may make tomorrow.

I'm also really into helping others[(what contradicts with my mischief, here we go again (I didn't like the 2nd part of mamma Mia as much as the first - it was too sad, I cried in the cinema and the holiday-happy-vibe was missing, it's off topic, isnt it, the second part is called mamma mia: here we go again and I liked the first part so much I watched it like 20 times and know all the songs by heart)] (10/???)

This was the point where I decided to start fucking with you and to turn off anon, not going to lie, because I hadn’t read the rest but I saw 10/??? after an off-topic post about Mamma Mia and was like “okay we’re going to finish it now”

Anyway from this whole thing I cannot decide if you are an ISFJ or INTP, but I’m going to guess INTP as the 9w1 might be what was making me think high Fe before.

[cyberianlife]

Tatterhood

Once upon a time there was a king and a queen who had no children, and that made the queen very sad. She seldom had a happy hour. She was always crying and complaining, and saying how dull and lonesome it was in the palace. "If we had children there would be life enough," she said. Wherever she went in all her realm she found God's blessing in children, even in the poorest hut. And wherever she went she heard women scolding their children, and saying how they had done this and that wrong. The queen heard all this, and thought it would be so nice to do as other women did. At last the king and queen took into their palace an adopted girl to raise, that they might always have her with them, to love her if she did well, and scold her if she did wrong, like their own child.

One day the little girl whom they had taken as their own, ran down into the palace yard, and was playing with a golden apple. Just then an old beggar woman came by, who had a little girl with her, and it wasn't long before the little girl and the beggar's child were great friends, and began to play together, and to toss the golden apple about between them. When the queen saw this, as she sat at a window in the palace, she tapped on the pane for her foster daughter to come up. She went at once, but the beggar girl went up too; and as they went into the queen's apartment, each held the other by the hand. Then the queen began to scold the little lady, and to say, "You ought to be above running about and playing with a tattered beggar's brat." And she started to drive the girl down the stairs.

"If the queen only knew my mother's power, she'd not drive me out," said the little girl; and when the queen asked what she meant more plainly, she told her how her mother could get her children if she chose. The queen wouldn't believe it, but the girl insisted, and said that every word of it was true, and asked the queen only to try and make her mother do it. So the queen sent the girl down to fetch up her mother.

"Do you know what your daughter says?" asked the queen of the old woman, as soon as ever she came into the room.

No, the beggar woman knew nothing about it.

"Well, she says you can get me children if you will," answered the queen.

"Queens shouldn't listen to beggar girls' silly stories," said the old woman, and walked out of the room.

Then the queen got angry, and wanted again to drive out the little girl; but she declared it was true every word that she had said.

"Let the queen only give my mother something to drink," said the girl; "when she gets tipsy she'll soon find out a way to help you."

The queen was ready to try this; so the beggar woman was fetched up again, and treated with as much wine and mead as she wanted; and so it was not long before her tongue began to wag. Then the queen came out again with the same question she had asked before.

"Perhaps I know one way to help you," said the beggar woman. "Your majesty must make them bring in two pails of water some evening before you go to bed. Wash yourself in each of them, and afterwards throw the water under your bed. When you look under your bed the next morning, two flowers will have sprung up, a beautiful one and an ugly one. Eat the beautiful one but leave the ugly alone. Be careful not to forget this last bit of advice." That was what the beggar woman said.

Yes, the queen did what the beggar woman advised her to do; she had the water brought up in two pails, washed herself in them, and emptied them under the bed; and when she looked under the bed the next morning, there stood two flowers; one was ugly and foul, and had black leaves; but the other was so bright, and fair, and lovely, she had never seen anything like it, so she ate it up at once. But the pretty flower tasted so sweet, that she couldn't help herself. She ate the other one too, for, she thought, "I'm sure that it can't hurt or help me much either way."

Well, sure enough, after a while the queen was brought to bed. First of all, she had a girl who had a wooden spoon in her hand, and rode upon a goat. She was disgusting and ugly, and the very moment she came into the world she bawled out "Mamma."

"If I'm your mamma," said the queen, "God give me grace to mend my ways."

"Oh, don't be sorry," said the girl on the goat, "for one will soon come after me who is better looking."

After a while, the queen had another girl, who was so beautiful and sweet that no one had ever set eyes on such a lovely child. You may be sure that the queen was very well pleased. The elder twin they called "Tatterhood," because she was always so ugly and ragged, and because she had a hood which hung about her ears in tatters. The queen could hardly bear to look at her. The nurses tried to shut her up in a room by herself, but it did no good. She always had to be where the younger twin was, and no one could ever keep them apart.

One Christmas eve, when they were half grown up, there arose a frightful noise and clatter in the hallway outside the queen's apartment. Tatterhood asked what it was that was making such a noise outside.

"Oh," said the queen, "it isn't worth asking about."

But Tatterhood wouldn't give in until she found out all about it; and so the queen told her it was a pack of trolls and witches who had come there to celebrate Christmas. So Tatterhood said that she would just go out and drive them away. In spite of all they could say, and however much they begged and asked her to leave the trolls alone, she just had to go out and drive the witches off. She begged the queen to be careful and keep all the doors shut tight, so that not one of them would open the least bit.

Having said this, off she went with her wooden spoon, and began to hunt out and drive away the hags. All the while there was such a commotion out in the gallery that the like of it had never before been heard. The whole palace creaked and groaned as if every joint and beam were going to be torn out of its place. Now I can't say exactly what happened; but somehow or other one door did open a little bit, and her twin sister just peeped out to see how things were going with Tatterhood, and put her head a tiny bit through the opening. But, pop! up came an old witch, and whipped off her head, and stuck a calf's head on her shoulders instead; and so the princess ran back into the room on all fours, and began to "moo" like a calf. When Tatterhood came back and saw her sister, she scolded them all, and was very angry because they hadn't kept better watch, and asked them what they thought of their carelessness now that her sister had been turned into a calf.

"But I'll see if I can't set her free," she said.

Then she asked the king for a ship with a full set of sails and good load of stores, but she would not have a captain or any sailors. No; she would sail away with her sister all alone. There was no holding her back, and at last they let her have her own way.

Tatterhood sailed off, and steered her ship right up to the land where the witches lived. When she came to the landing place, she told her sister to stay quite still on board the ship; but she herself rode on her goat up to the witches' castle. When she got there, one of the windows in the gallery was open, and there she saw her sister's head hung up on the window frame; so she jumped her goat through the window into the gallery, snapped up the head, and set off with it. The witches came after her to try to get the head back. They flocked around her as thick as a swarm of bees or a nest of ants. The goat snorted and puffed, and butted with his horns, and Tatterhood beat and banged them about with her wooden spoon; and so the pack of witches had to give up. So Tatterhood got back to her ship, took the calf's head off her sister, and put her own on again, and then she became a girl as she had been before. After that she sailed a long, long way, to a strange king's realm.

Now the king of this land was a widower, and had an only son. When he saw the strange sail, he sent messengers down to the beach to find out where it came from, and who owned it; but when the king's men came down there, the only person they saw on board was Tatterhood, and there she was, riding around and around the deck on her goat at full speed, until her strands of hair streamed in the wind. The men from the palace were all amazed at this sight, and asked if more people were not on board. Yes, there were; she had a sister with her, said Tatterhood. They wanted to see too, but Tatterhood said no.

"No one shall see her, unless the king comes himself," she said; and so she began to gallop about on her goat until the deck thundered again.

When the servants got back to the palace, and told what they had seen and heard down at the ship, the king wanted to set out at once to see the girl that rode on the goat. When he arrived there, Tatterhood brought out her sister, and she was so beautiful and gentle that the king immediately fell head over heels in love with her. He brought them both back with him to the palace, and wanted to have the sister for his queen; but Tatterhood said "No," the king couldn't have her in any way, unless the king's son would take Tatterhood. That, as you may guess, the prince did not want to do at all, because Tatterhood was such an ugly hussy. However, at last the king and all the others in the palace talked him into it, and he gave in, promising to take her for his queen; but it went sore against his grain, and he was a very sad man.

Now they began making preparations for the wedding, both with brewing and baking; and when all was ready, they went to church. The prince thought it the worst church service he had ever been to in all his life. The king left first with his bride, and she was so lovely and so grand, all the people stopped to look at her along the road, and they stared at her until she was out of sight. After them came the prince on horseback by the side of Tatterhood, who trotted along on her goat with her wooden spoon in her fist. To look at him, he was not going to a wedding, but to a burial, and his own at that. He seemed so sad, and did not speak a word.

"Why don't you talk?" asked Tatterhood, when they had ridden a bit.

"Why, what should I talk about?" answered the prince.

"Well, you might at least ask me why I ride upon this ugly goat," said Tatterhood.

"Why do you ride on that ugly goat?" asked the prince.

"Is it an ugly goat? Why, it's the most beautiful horse that a bride ever rode," answered Tatterhood; and in an instant the goat became a horse, the finest that the prince had ever seen.

They rode on a bit further, but the prince was just as sad as before, and couldn't say a word. So Tatterhood asked him again why he didn't talk, and when the prince answered, he didn't know what to talk about, she said, "Well, you can ask me why I ride with this ugly spoon in my fist."

"Why do you ride with that ugly spoon?" asked the prince.

"Is it an ugly spoon? Why, it's the loveliest silver fan that a bride ever carried," said Tatterhood; and in an instant it became a silver fan, so bright that it glistened.

They rode a little way further, but the prince was still just as sad, and did not say a word. In a little while Tatterhood asked him again why he didn't talk, and told him to ask why she wore the ugly gray hood on her head.

"Why do you wear that ugly gray hood on your head?" asked the prince.

"Is it an ugly hood? Why, it's the brightest golden crown that a bride ever wore," answered Tatterhood, and it became a crown at once.

Now they rode a long way further, and the prince was so sad, that he sat without making a sound or uttering a word, just as before. So his bride asked him again why he didn't talk, and told him to ask now why her face was so ugly and gray?

"Yes," asked the prince, "why is your face so ugly and gray?"

"Am I ugly? You think my sister beautiful, but I am ten times more beautiful," said the bride, and when the prince looked at her, she was so beautiful, he thought that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. After that it was no wonder that the prince found his tongue, and no longer rode along with his head hanging down.

So they drank the bridal cup both deep and long, and, after that, both prince and king set out with their brides to the princesses' palace, and there they had another bridal feast, and drank once more, both deep and long. There was no end to the celebration. Now run quickly to the king's palace, and there will still be a drop of the bridal ale left for you.

— Find Tatterhood and more folktexts from the University of Pittsburgh, as edited and translated by D. L. Ashliman.

[writinginthenebula]

A toast to you

If they only had told them the truth

  “Prince Bennett? Your mother, your father... they are dead. You are the new king”

 *

 “Mister Tristan? We weren’t able to find your children... We are sorry”

 *

 “Rigel, your parents, your brothers, they aren’t among us anymore”

 *

 “Hush Henry. You are my child. Your father left you. He doesn’t love you. Never did”

 *

 “You are crazy, Ubel! Crazy! Get out of my house!”

 *

 “You can’t dress like this, you can’t play like this. Be a man, Chad, not a disappointment”

 *

 “Fredrick, you are a sin! I can’t believe my son is a sin...”

 *

 “Sir Luam? You must leave. Your father ordered. It isn’t safe for you here. Come”

 *

 “Useless piece of trash, that’s what you are, William! Nothing more than a murderer”

 *

 “You are never going to be good enough for us Earnest. Ever. You are just as retarded as they come”

 *

 “Another? Another piece of trash. Go away Blake, just don’t piss me off more than you already have”

 *

 “They are my children, Arin, not yours. You will never see them again. Never!”

  If only they had been patient

  The king and queen had a fight. She fought for her children, and he fought for his kingdom. Both lost the fight.

 *

 The bus was robbed by a group of bandits. All children disappeared. Three were found in a shack, raped and cut into pieces. A teddy bear survived.

 *

 The earthquake destroyed the entire building. Not many families were able to get out from the wreckage. One family left, leaving their middle son alive.

 *

 He was taken. Stolen. Stolen by a greedy and filled with hatred man that wanted revenge over a sweet soul that wanted nothing more than his child.

 *

 A child was dying. A sister was falling ill with no cure, no treatment, no nothing. It was his last chance. They ruined it. They left her bleeding.

 *

 He knew what he was, who he was. But a father who had lived his entire life in the army would never understand why his kid would want to dress like a girl.

 *

 The church said it was a sin. He kissed the boy because he was in love. His parents would never understand. Love wasn’t for all.

 *

 He loved his family. He loved his country. But business goes wrong and lives have to be changed, especially in the mafia.

 *

 The birth had complications. She didn’t make it. Mamma was dead. But he couldn’t be blamed. He had just been born. Right?

 *

 He knew speech. He knew words. He knew how to count. He wasn’t good at it. But he was trying. Why wouldn’t he ever be enough?

 *

 He didn’t like studying. He wanted to play. He wanted to paint. He wanted to write. Subjects didn’t make sense. He knew they should.

 *

 He loved them. But they would never love him. They were far away all the time. Cursed at him when they visited. He still kissed their heads.

  Life was evil, life was mean.

 But they had each other. Right?

  “Brother? Come live with me?”

 Ben stared at Arin up and down before sighing and nodding, a weak smile on his face.

 “Of course”

 *

 “The therapist said we need to live somewhere far from the city”

 Tris rolled his eyes and looked over at Chad.

 “Just find us a house and stop annoying me about it”

  Chad smiled.

 *

 “You come with me”

 “You don’t know me sir” Rigel mumbled at William, who raised his eyebrow.

 “No I don’t. But you are too young to be alone in the streets. Come on. I will show you around”

 Rigel smiled. William smiled back.

 *

 “I have a flat, if you want to crash there while your house isn’t ready”

 “And you can live with me after it’s done” Arin added, and Fred tilted his head.

 It didn’t seem like a bad idea.

 *

 “I don’t want your help”

 “Not even some good food and somewhere for you and your boy to take a warm shower?” William froze and turned around, eyeing Ben as if he could jump on his throat at any second.

 “I won’t owe you anything”

 *

 “Tris, I have a house”

 Tris looked up at his cousin Fred, raising his eyebrow.

 “How?”

 “The guy I’m sleeping with. He’s rich. Get your friend and move in. There is enough room”

 *

 “Hey kiddo”

 “What do you want?”

 “Come eat something at our house”

 Henry eyed Ben slowly before he deflated and nodded, too tired to argue.

 *

 “Kicked out, hun?”

 “Yeah. Why?”

 “Wanna fly to the States with me?”

 Ubel stared in disbelief, and Luam raised a hand for him to take.

 *

 “We are the Sanders. Our parents left us this house”

 “Can we crash in for a bit? I have enough money”

 Blake and Earnest stared at each other before they shrugged.

 “Sure. Ubel, Luam, welcome home”

  All Sanders, united by destiny.

 They met in a sunny afternoon, where both groups went off to some picnic in the woods.

 Life could always be easier than it is.

 But at that moment, they were thankful.

  “Here. A toast, to us”

 Luam raised his glass. The others did too. The fine wine, almost falling onto the picnic flannel.

 They laughed.

 Because they had nothing better to do.

  And a toast to you.