#male personality traits that women find attractive

[ranjith11]

Male Personality Traits That Women Find Attractive | how to attract women

Male Personality Traits That Women Find Attractive In this video, we uncover the science behind the traits that women find incredibly attractive in men. From confidence and style to empathy, and charisma, flirting, body language we'll explore the characteristics that create deep connections and leave a lasting impact. We'll show you how to actually build a sense of attraction.

[wilcze-kudly]

I think if aang was 14 or 16, or even 15, which is apparently the age he was planned to be told he was avatar at, by the time series began, kataang would have been more popular even among zutarians.

I can certainly see that, but I think Aang's personality and unorthodox appearance (for a westwrn show anyway) contribute to the dislike of him as a romantic partner.

Not only is Aang's appearance not stereotypically what young girls are told to find attractive in men (round features, big eyes, smaller stature, baldness) but his personality is also more stereotypically "feminine" which even girls are taught to look down on in men and male characters. In stark opposition, Zuko, especially in the first book, but also still throughout the series, is extremely hypermasculin, which often is something we're taught is good to "pair" with femininity of characters like Katara.

I notice that a lot of Zutara fans seem to subconciously have this gender essentialism esque view, where Katara's "natural femininity" is more drawn to Zuko's mascline traits than Aang's more "effeminate" ones. Aang's behaviour and demeanour are percieved as feminine and therefore undesirable to women.

This is also why Aang is often emasculated and infantiliased when they criticise him. To lessen him as a potential partner for Katara, because it's Zuko's more masculine behaviours that they find more alluring or interesting.

[ecoterrorist-katara]

The only stereotypically masculine thing about Aang…is his romantic arc

There’s a really popular post on Tumblr called “Avatar Aang, Feminist Icon.” The thesis is basically that Aang, unlike his female teachers and friends, is actually not a badass. He listens, he defers, and he respects women. He seemed to have no problem with Katara’s crush on Jet, despite his own crush on her. He chooses love and kindness and friendship and pacifism. He’s not tall and handsome as hell or buff. He wears flower crowns!

And I agree! This is Aang for most of the series and I love those qualities (though I do think the bar is in hell if those traits make a character a feminist icon, as opposed to a person who simply sees women as human beings). Anyway, I just think there’s a glaring omission. And that’s Aang’s romantic arc in season 3.

Bryke managed to take the worst of both worlds: Aang’s romantic arc retains the male-centricity that make most romances so problematic, while retaining none of the characteristics that make problematic romances compelling to women.

Aang falls in love at first sight with a beautiful girl. For the majority of their friendship, he remains respectful and supportive. As his crush hits an all time high, however, it gets distinctly more stereotypical: he kisses Katara at the invasion, and when she didn’t want to talk about that kiss, he firebends at her (the fact that this comic is canon, and was published years after ATLA’s conclusion, only demonstrates that the creators still don’t understand critiques of their romance). Aang considers Katara “his girl” and becomes furious (“I would be in the Avatar state right now!”) when the actress version of Katara didn’t like him romantically, and then he kisses her again — this time explicitly against her wishes. Throughout the show, people reassure him that she will come around, continuously reinforcing the idea that Katara is “his” and he just has to be patient. And even though Ka/taang is supposed to be endgame, we never hear directly from Katara how she feels, even though we’re no strangers to her opinions and feelings on other topics. It’s almost like the creators wanted Katara’s feelings to be a mystery because we’re meant to resonate with Aang. That’s…a male-centric, action hero romance.

In addition, the friendship dynamics between Katara and Aang feel pretty gendered. The distribution of emotional labour between Aang and Katara is quite skewed: Katara takes care of Aang much more than he takes care of her. She’s the one responsible for calming him down from the Avatar State. She’s the one who cooks for him and performs a whole lot of domestic chores. Post-canon, Katara’s storyline revolves around Aang, and she’s treated as his accessory and the keeper of his legacy instead of her own person, to the degree that she’s not even recognizable in LOK anymore. A beautiful, badass, independent woman who dedicates her energy and intelligence to a man’s needs? Wow, that is definitely something I’ve never seen in media geared towards men!

A lot of gushing about Aang’s lack of stereotypical masculinity seems to also hinge on how Aang is not conventionally attractive, but that’s…not true. Aang may not behave like James Bond, but he has plenty of admirers. Meng and On Ji liked him even without knowing that he’s the Avatar. Post-series, Acolytes descend en masse to steal Katara’s man. And of course he grows into a tall, buff dude. Aang’s romantic arc is not about becoming attractive to women, or finding a woman who loves him despite his looks. His romantic arc is about getting the girl who’s hard to get, because she only sees him as a friend or a little brother / babysitting charge.

Bryke do not deserve the credit for creating a “feminist icon,” not when the only stereotypically masculine traits they gave him are in relation to his romance arc. It honestly feels more insidious this way, because it’s like, “see? You don’t have to be masculine to reap the benefits of performing masculinity” — the benefits being, of course, “getting” the girl you want.

[catinafigtree]

Hi, do you have any tips on how to be comfortable being a Muslim while being queer?

I've been trying to do that for a very long time, focusing on my faith in Allah, but it's a bit hard and I always get demotivated randomly :(

Hey! Salam! Sorry for the kind of late response, moving houses has been hectic. This will be a long response (sorry), so I will put it under the cut.

I want to preface this by saying every queer person is different. I don't know the specifics of your identity so I am going to cover both sexual queerness and gender queerness.

My biggest obstacle in nurturing my relationship with Allah was believing that the way I am was haram, and even that I was cursed by Allah. I no longer believe this, but it was a long road.

Sexuality

I don't believe that homosexuality is haram. The common claim that the story of Lut is about homosexuality is full of holes and inconsistencies and it's largely based on the Christian religious tradition, even if the grammar of the Qur'an doesn't align with the Christian tradition (eg. the Qur'an uses the word "banaat" for Prophet Lut's (as) daughters. Bannat is plural, meaning 3 or more daughters, and in the traditional telling Lut (as) has 2 daughters).

Here is a really good study by Nahida Nisa:

I recommend reading all of Nahida's things because she's an amazing writer.

And a video from Dr. Shehnaz Haqaani's (PhD, Islamic Studies) podcast "What The Patriarchy":

and you can find her blog here

These articles from the blog, Lamp of Islam are also pretty good. He is a hardcore Qur'anist with some strange opinions, so peruse his blog with caution.

Letting go of the belief that the way I am was haram and that Allah had cursed me was the most critical part of fixing my iman and overall nurturing my relationship with Allah.

Also, it doesn't make any sense that The All-Merciful, Allah would make someone with an innate attraction to the same gender and then forbid them from "acting on it".

The Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa salam) never punished anyone for homosexuality, after his death, his companions debated whether or not to punish homosexuals and they could not come to a conclusion.

Gender

The Qur'an seems to acknowledge the differences between sex and gender. For example, the word for 'man' in the Qur'an is rijal and the word for 'male' is dhukran. And the word for 'woman' is nisa, but the word for 'female' is untsa. You can read Lamp of Islam's article on the meanings of these words here.

There also may be a vague reference to intersex and/or gender non-conforming people in verse 42:50.

There are also some hadith that seem to imply that gender non-conforming people were accepted around Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu alayhi wa salam). Prophet Muhammad's (Salla Allahu alayhi wa salam) wife Umm Salama (Radi Allahu anha) had a seemingly close friend who was then called a 'mukhanath', named Hit, who was described as a 'male who exhibited effeminate traits' was was welcome into the private women's section of the Prophet's (Salla Allahu alayhi wa salam) home. Today this person might have been a gay man (who displayed effeminate traits by accepting the "woman's role" (🙄) in relationships), or, more likely IMO, this person would be considered a trans woman today.

Hit was punished by the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa salam), but not for their sexuality/gender expression, they were punished for describing a woman's body to a man, which was possible because they were allowed into both men's and women's spaces. The punishment of Hit is often used as 'evidence' to support homophobia and transphobia, but they neglect to mention the specific reason that Hit was punished.

You can read more about queerness in Islamic history here.

The link above takes you to Muslims For Progressive Values, they also offer marriage services for queer Muslims and interfaith couples, specifically for Muslim women seeking to marry non-Muslim men.

Here is a link to MPV's video series, but massive trigger warning for the comment section.

And a second MPV video series.

And another article from MPV.

More Tips

As I said, learning about LGBTQ Islamic History helped me a lot.

Keep your relationship with Allah between you and Him. Only share it with people who you 100% trust, because religion is extremely personal.

Find your people. Whether online or in-person, a community of people like you is important.

Know that Allah knows you, your identity, and the way you feel. Ultimately, Allah is your creator and we will only return to him. And we, as queer people KNOW that this is the way we were created. Nobody can tell you that who you are is false because they have no way to know that.

Block. Block. Block. Block. Block anyone who is being a problem, who might become a problem in the future. Block them all. Block Islamophobic queers, block queerphobic Muslims. Protect your peace and your relationship with Allah at all costs.

Here are people that I block quickly: anyone who has outwardly queerphobic or Islamophobic things posted on their page. Salafis and Wahabis. The black flag freaks: those with black flags in their user names/bios. I block people for the comments they leave all the time. Generally, I don't wait for them to do something, I block them on sight.

You mentioned that you struggle with low imaan sometimes. It's important to know that fluctuations of imaan are normal and completely natural. But I'm assuming since you've sent this ask, you always come back, which is what's important.

Here is another video from Dr. Shehnaz Haqaani's (PhD Islamic Studies) Podcast for Muslims who struggle to practice.

And a TikTok from @/soundous.boualam:

My biggest tip for building faith is to start slow.

Pray one prayer a day at first, and wait until that prayer is deeply ingrained into your habits, then add another. I recommend starting with Isha before bed. Don't try to do everything at once. You'll burn yourself out.

Build up the fard actions. Your prayers, primarily.

If you can take on more, add in the dhikr after prayer (subhanallah 33x, alhamdullilah 33x, and allahu akbar 34x). Or add dhikr in throughout your day. I use an app called Azkar that I set to send notifications to remind me to do various worship activities.

When I braid my hair I say alhamdullilah every time I cross a piece over another.

If you can, it might also help to put a poster or picture on your wall with your favorite Qur'an verse, hadith, or Islamic quote on your wall, or make your screensaver a reminder to remember Allah.

You can also buy or make a beaded tasbih bracelet, sometimes having something on your wrist can make it easier to remember.

I also like to spend 20-30 minutes every morning after Fajr to just spend time with Allah, talk to Him, and read the Qur'an.

But also remember that you don't only get rewarded for outright acts of worship. You get rewarded for caring for your body, taking a nap when you're tired, eating food, drinking water, caring for pets, and spending time with family. All of that stuff is worship.

Be easy with yourself. Allah does not want hardship for you (2:185).

And I'll leave you with a Qur'an verse.

It was We Who created man, and We know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him that [his] jugular vein. (50:16)

I hope this helps you some. I love you. Allah loves you. May Allah bless you with peace, imaan, and His abundant guidance and mercy, Allahumma Ameen.

You can ask questions in the comments or in asks if you want.

[allastoredeer]

Personally I think Alastor, Lucifer AND Angel are on the pretty boy side of the scale and none of that has to do with their preferences in bed. More like in... How to say it... Body type and behavior? All three are obviously men but don't quite adhere to the masculine/feminine dichotomy.

With Alastor it seems to me that he is closer to "masculine" but not in an alpha range, but in that he sees himself as a "gentleman" and at least a part of him consciously or unconsciously knows that the male representation has more privilege, but he doesn't particularly care as much

AAngel just does his thing, and I think Angel has benefited from and used looking more "delicate" or "feminine" more than once to his advantage in getting underestimated. I think that gender in general is quite fluid for Angel, but not so much because he has thought about it but because living and dead, roles have been imposed on him that he has taken as a mask for himself.I imagine he is very comfortable with himself now but the impression I got is that Angel oscillates between hating and loving his own traits due to how little control he has and how he is perceived.

(I'm thinking specifically about how he talks about his body and how attractive it is but sees himself as only important because of those kinds of things. After E4 it's obviously in a much better place. What I'm saying is that with Angel it's complicated because it's part his own feelings and part coping mechanis)

Lucifer actually exudes an aura of seduction, it's just those bedroom eyes and his whole vibe when he decides he's going to crush this guy he met 5 minutes ago. But I think the show did well to represent a beauty that tends more towards androgynous with him. And as we've already talked about, Lucifer gives off very versatile vibes, I think he would be the middle ground.

I definitely agree that all three of them are on the pretty boy side. Pretty, pretty, pretty boys

(I couldn't find a better gif of Angel forgive me)

Though, I do see Alastor more on the feminine side than the masculine side. He is a gentleman, but sometimes I think people lean too far into him being a gentleman.

Like, not to bring Websters Dictionary into this (Cambridge Dictionary technically) but the definitions of gentleman are:

A polite way of talking to or referring to a man. Obvious one, but not the definition people use.

A man of a high social class. Which, yeah, considering Alastor is an Overlord in Hell, technically he is part of a high social class. But that's not typically the type of gentleman he is depicted as either.

A man who is polite and behaves well towards other people, especially women: This is the one I think people lean on, which I find funny because Alastor is polite and he can behave well, but typically that is only aimed at women. Not people in general. I see him being a gentleman with women, but even then, not all the time - does that make sense?

Like, there are times he still acts like a mean little bastard, even to women (albeit less often) like when Charlie was having a break down in her bedroom cuz she found out her girlfriend has been lying to her for years and she'd essentially doomed everybody she cared about. Alastor had no sympathy for her, he didn't actually care about the situation, he went up there with the sole intent to get something from her. He was blunt, rubbed her situation in her face, and then gaslit, gatekeeped, and girlbossed his way into getting a deal out of her.

Yes, his words were crafted in a way that can seem gentlemanly, but that doesn't mean he was being a gentleman. He wasn't being polite, he was being a sassy, condescending little shit.

And I'm not saying Alastor isn't a gentleman, he definitely acts like a one when he wants to be, especially around those he likes or respects (like Rosie, Niffty, and Zestial - and yes, even Charlie and Vaggie). But like...most of the time? He's just a smooth-talking bitch with fancy words (affectionate).

Don't get me wrong, I definitely see Alastor as being a gentleman, but I don't see him being as much of a gentleman as people make him out to be, which actually might be the reason why he so often loses his clownish, trolling nature in fanon, because that gentlemanly characteristic he's been given implies some level of general politeness and good behavior, which cancels out when he's trolling and/or insulting people. He can be more passive-aggressively and subtle about it, like he did with Lucifer, but I still wouldn't call that being a gentleman.

I agree with Angel though! I think, while Angel has benefitted looking more feminine, he also enjoys presenting as feminine. I can see him being very fluid in it.

"the impression I got is that Angel oscillates between hating and loving his own traits due to how little control he has and how he is perceived."

THIS! ⬆️ Definitely agree with this. 100%. Perfectly said.

As for Lucifer, I do see the seduction side of him, even if I think it's overblown at times. He has amazing bedroom eyes. I agree that there is an androgynous beauty to him, but at the same time, idk a lot of the time, he still came off as very masculine to me. Could've been the way he carried himself. Could've been his voice. Could've been the way he spoke. Don't know for sure.

I think Lucifer can fluctuate before feminine and androgynous, but overall, he felt masculine most of the time.

[enneamage]

i remember your really great essay on the fandom's tendency to hope ccs are queer due to, in part, the uneasy relationship between male streamers and women. now seeing wilbur's exploration into famously queer media (i have never met a dude into tyler the creator who was not bi unless he himself believed tyler wasn't queer), i was wondering, do you think male ccs in the community are aware that being bi makes them appear more safe towards women? i don't doubt anyone's sexuality btw

For starters, I think that Wilbur is throwing a bunch of spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks in terms of a new public persona. What you’re looking at is still an indie softboy variant, just spiced a bit differently. Art Guy and Bisexual can be related but as I said in the other post, sticking morality, sexuality and aesthetics together as a package deal is a quick way to be misled. The thing I want to linger on is the evolution of the idea of a softboy, which was actually a fandom-esque tumblr term that was a term of endearment to fictional / irl boys before it became an ironic nickname to call out a particular kind of wolf in sheep's clothing. I think that concept cycle happens a lot. 

In the straight sense, men do have a motivation to try to get women to like them. While some people are remarkably bad at this or have no clue how to achieve it, others are a bit better at following the trail of an appealing persona and trying to fit themselves into it. Some of it is a genuine self-image desire as well, you want to think of yourself as an appealing person even without an audience, so you take the temperature of the culture and try to follow the path that seems to work best for your desires and interests.

Softboy / golden retriever boyfriend / himbo and the like tends to come from the imagination of women online when collectively brainstorming what kind of person would be seen as a breath of fresh air in the current Dude Climate. The issue with it being translated IRL is that once it becomes clear that people really do find these tropes attractive, people want to lean into the strategy a bit either as an exaggeration of their own personalities or an active choice to Not Be Like Other Guys, inviting inevitable disappointment when they have the ups and downs of a real person with traits, or are revealed to be straight up frauds. 

In terms of leaning into persona or aesthetics aside from sexuality, I want to bump this post by someone on the mcyt snark reddit that takes a tour through personas that consistently appear and reappear in post-2020 MCYT circles. I think the people love a persona (or imago perhaps) and a package deal of traits, we tend to hand them out for free when we’re forming our impressions of people even if they don’t mean to create one. 

Wilbur in particular has a lot of reasons to try and dress himself up as ‘safe’ for the time being, but you asked about the bi swatch of MCYT and I think the answer to the safety part is unconsciously, yes. I think that having an aspect of their experience being removed from mainstream straight culture really does put them in a different headspace than straight peers, but whether that headspace is actually kinder and safer in practice isn’t guaranteed in the way that I think both parties might hope. They probably notice that people treat them better or differently when they lean into the mlm part of their identity, leading them to do it more over time.

Again, especially with CCS, I think a lot of people hope that the bisexuality will lead to a long term partnership with a man or that their attraction to women would be softened into something less hormonally or culturally straight. People actively leaning into post-2020 queer culture aesthetics (because we’re not talking leather bars here) may also seem more safe or appealing by breaking down the dyadic “let me define myself by being completely opposed to you” aspects of really rigid gender performance relationships. Ironically this may also make them seem more appealing as partners in the platonic and romantic sense because it feels less like you’re dealing with a rigid diametric opposite. You feel closer to them by being under the LGBTQ+ umbrella with them, which also adds some motivation to parasocial attachment. 

[ttrpg-smash-pass-vs]

I don't know exactly how to word it but as a kinky mother fucker and as someone who is a concept artist/character designer... these polls seem to highlight fatphobia in an interesting way.. both in the way that the "undesirable" monsters (ie the ones that are made to be "gross" like decomposing or the like) often have fat/bellies on them. but the ones that are more classically "desirable" are depicted either skinny or muscular. And typically the votes reflect this. the even more interesting moments are when the votes don't reflect that and the fatter monsters are proven to be desirable despite the seeming intent to be undesirable or grotesque. much to think about...

With the way the decomposing ones are proportioned it's meant to evoke a bloating corpse, with those in particular (like the venom troll) I think it might be uncanny valley. Now it's definitely true that fatter creatures generally do worse, just look at ones like hill giant. But I'd argue the vast majority of the apparent fatphobia around here is on WotC. and the rest has been blocked from the blog.

Firstly because many people enjoy larger entries, just as many enjoy smaller ones. The ones that do poorly are typically also partnered with 1000 other traits people might find undesirable. I'd point the fatphobia at WotC constantly depicting it alongside cruelty, greed, stupidity, stench, etc. People's biases, at least from the notes, seem to be largely with the other traits WotC likes to pair with size more than the size itself. As for the rest, I'd still hesitate to point fatphobia at the general viewer. Maybe a bit of unconscious cultural bias, but we're dealing in private preferences here. A preference toward the large, tall, short, brunette, hair style, type of socks, personality, etc, that's not the issue imo. Fatphobia's in how you treat people, in your biases and assumptions, not your internal sexual preferences. I think the views actually reflect that nicely, as the NICE large monsters ones have still gotten into the 70's. Which is HUGE, that's where medusa, mindflayers, and lot of classic monsterfucking creatures have ended up. Once we passed like 1000 people, very few humanoids could breech 80's, so grading on a curve there are larger ones effectively getting a B or low A. At that point the rest is usually explained by "being too monstrous/the viewer prefers women and the example given is male." And I'm saying this as someone who is obese, I have been mistaken for being quite pregnant. Gained a lot after my accident reduced my mobility 2 years ago, and the binge eating from the following depression. working it down though, I've been hovering around 220 (100 kg) for a bit recently but I'm slowly dropping again. Which is still pretty heavy at my height, though my vitals are all very good so I don't really care much. Now there are some people who just are fatphobic, and I felt no remorse about blocking the few people who were being dicks about it. But it's usually just in the other horrible traits WotC gave them or just not being into that. I'm not getting onto people for not preferring my body shape, just for insulting it or mistreating others over it. I think monsterfuckers are better about this than the general populace.

...and yes I took 2 months to respond to this. but have finally decided to chuck it out but make it unrebloggable. because I don't want this to breech into tumblr at large and attract too much attention from the average tumblite.

[fsfghgee]

I agree, Bi-Han was very close to his mother. In fact, I believe he probably took most of her personality and appearance (thin eyebrows and sharp cheekbones). A dialogue line between Smoke and Li-Mei states that his mother was “nonsense and tough as nails”. Some people think he speaking about his bio mom but I truly believe he was speaking about his adoptive mother because whenever he takes about his bio mom there is always a somber tone.

Now I’m only making assumptions here, but I’m she was the only woman to understand him until he got with Sektor.

Yes. You're right. Sektor is the only person who truly understands Bi-Han and has supported him since his mother died. And as strange as some people may find it, men like Bi-Han — men who are truly attached and close to their mothers — are often (when not exclusively) attracted to women who are similar to their mothers. And this isn't just a male fetish thing, nor is it a conscious choice. Bi-Han certainly doesn't see Sektor as his mother. But she definitely has personality traits that he feels familiar enough to be attracted to, behavioral traits that he grew up admiring, physical traits that he feels comfortable with. Her affection for him takes him to a safe place, a place he hasn't had access to since his mother's death, he feels safe enough in her presence to expose his vulnerabilities:

I can't even imagine how comforting it must have been for him to hear Sektor's voice and see her face after spending hours being tortured to death by titan Havik. And worse, being forced to obey him, knowing how much he hates obeying and being controlled.

I saw a lot of people (intentionally or not) reading this scene the wrong way. Trying to paint this scene as a sample of a toxic relationship, where Bi-Han doesn't care about her or that Sektor has no dignity for accepting this. And I was like, "WTF". The only thing he did was abruptly break free from her strong grip to punch Liu Kang. The important point of this scene has been completely ignored…

The authority and lack of fear she shows when holding him tightly and telling him not to fight was just another way they found to show us that Sektor is Bi-Han's significant other. A simple follower, just another subordinate of the ruthless Grandmaster, would not have the courage to do this. And even though she is very important to him and he loves her, he is not the type of man who obeys without a good reason. He is not a man with an easy temperament to control and truly hates being controlled. It's even unfair to compare the situation between Sektor and Bi-Han with that of Harumi and Kuai Liang as some people have been doing…

First, Kuai Liang didn't have the adrenaline of a bloodlust running through his veins like he would have had if he had gone after Cyrax to kill her, Cyrax was the one who offered her neck to Kuai's wrath.

Second, Kuai Liang, not even at that moment, had half the hatred for Cyrax that Bi-Han has for Liu Kang and Havik. It's literally confirmed by him and her, in story mode and intros, that they have a past.

Third, Harumi actually gave Kuai Liang convincing reasons to spare Cyrax. Sektor didn't give Bi-Han any, and even if she had, I doubt it would have changed his mind. After all, Bi-Han's goal was to give Liu Kang a quick pummeling to kill the man/titan/god who tortured him to death.

Even though the expansion's story isn't a masterpiece of literature, the part about making Sektor and Bi-Han's relationship romantic without diminishing the threat that Bi-Han actually poses as an antagonist in the game was successfully achieved.

Sektor is Bi-Han's only weakness (just as he is hers)...

Shang Tsung: Bi-Han will pay a steep ransom for your return. Sektor: Just how are *you* planning to abduct *me*?

Shang Tsung: This hostility is unwarranted, Bi-Han. Noob Saibot: You tried to abduct Sektor!

Noob Saibot: You wish to bargain? After what you've done?! Shang Tsung: Do you wish to rule or not, Bi-Han.

Noob Saibot: It is time you answer for Sektor. Shang Tsung: For what, exactly? She escaped me unharmed.

Noob Saibot: You tried enlisting Sektor against me?! Quan Chi: Not against you. To help you see reason.

Noob Saibot: Leave. Before this gets ugly. Quan Chi: I am here to haggle but if we must fight, so be it.

Noob Saibot: If Liu Kang seeks to punish Sektor -- Geras: It would be his right to do so.

Kenshi: So you and Sektor, eh? Hm. That tracks. Noob Saibot: If that is mockery, you are a dead man.

Liu Kang: Sektor should have trusted me to heal you. Noob Saibot: You should not have made her wait.

Liu Kang: You should have trusted me, Sektor. Sektor: Why?! You left Bi-Han to rot.

Sindel: Your 'beloved' should never have crossed me. Sektor: He doesn't fear you. And neither do I.

Kitana: I have to question your taste in men. Sektor: Please, Princess. Share your thoughts.

Geras: If you love Bi-Han, return him to Liu Kang. Sektor: It's because I do that I cannot.

Kenshi: You and Bi-Han deserve each other. Sektor: I couldn't agree more.

But she is also his greatest strength.

Rain: What will Bi-Han do without his Master Armorer? Sektor: He'll never find out, will he?

General Shao: Sub-Zero sends his woman after me? Sektor: He sends his most skilled warrior.

Sub-Zero: Together we will make the Lin Kuei immortal. Sektor: I am honored to fight by your side.

Sektor: We will stop Kuai Liang. Sub-Zero: And finish his Shirai Ryu.

Sektor: I couldn't leave you locked away in the Temple. Noob Saibot: You were right to be impatient.

Sektor: Is it best for you to remain this way? Noob Saibot: It is best for the Lin Kuei.

Sektor: If Liu Kang continues to stand -- Noob Saibot: We will neutralize him.

Cyrax: With Sektor as the Lin Kuei's grandmaster -- Smoke: I know. They could be even *more* dangerous.

Li Mei: You may be more dangerous than Bi-Han. Sektor: Ha! May be?

Sektor: I won't let you near Bi-Han. Ermac: You are one. One cannot stop Us.

Sektor: Keep your souls away from my clan. Ermac: The Lin Kuei must answer for Sindel.

Mileena: I can’t trust Lin Kuei. You were complicit in -- Sektor: Bi-Han knew nothing of Titan Shang Tsung.

Sektor: Bi-Han risked everything to free you. General Shao: Not every gamble pays, Sektor.

Geras: Your experiments with automation must end. Sektor: Interesting. I must be on to something.

Sub-Zero: The armor isn't enough. Sektor: Patience, Bi-Han. There is more to come.

Noob Saibot: How long before the prototype is ready? Sektor: It will be done when it is done.

Tanya: You've created more mechanized monstrosities? Sektor: Many. And I can't wait to unleash them.

Sektor: Once all Lin Kuei are equipped like me -- Scorpion: It will be a dark day for Earthrealm.

General Shao: Are you still Lin Kuei? Noob Saibot: I will *always* be Lin Kuei.

General Shao: Your army's battle armor masks its incompetence. Noob Saibot: If you think so, take the field against us.

General Shao: I need Sektor's services. Noob Saibot: You should have thought of that before freezing me out.

Reiko: Do you share Bi-Han's power? Or just his bed? Sektor: Careful, Reiko. Disrespect can be fatal.

Reiko: You should be a weapon in the General's arsenal. Sektor: The Lin Kuei won't partner wih him again.

Reiko: What will it take for you to equip our army? Sektor: There isn't enough gold in the realms.

Ashrah: The Lin Kuei's course can still be changed. Sektor: We are far beyond the point of no return.

Ashrah: Your ardor for Bi-Han is -- Sektor: I don't need a demon's advice.

Scorpion: You have influenced my brother -- Sektor: He is his own man, Kuai Liang.

And I honestly find it strange that there are those who think that Li Mei would remind Tomas of his biological mother when he calls Bi-Han's mother his mother too:

Smoke: If Mother were alive -- Sub-Zero: She would applaud my actions.

This intro…

Li Mei: I remind you of your mother? Smoke: No-nonsense and tough as nails, just like her.

describes a fighter, not a hunter. Which Li Mei is, just like Bi-Han's mother was:

Sindel: Both your parents were excellent fighters. Scorpion: I can only hope to live up to their example.

*Plus, Li Mei and Bi-Han's mother (in mk1) are Chinese (inspired appearance), I doubt that Smoke's biological mother was not Czech like him.

Smoke remembering his adoptive mother as a serious, firm,  straightforward, strong, extremely tough and determined woman. No-nonsense and tough as nails, like a warrior is supposed to be, makes sense to describe Bi-Han's mother in a few words. And Bi-Han being right about his mother…

Smoke: If Mother were alive -- Sub-Zero: She would applaud my actions.

This dialogue between Li Mei and Sektor kinda proves that Sek would have had her mother-in-law's blessing if she were still alive:

Li Mei: In another life, we might have been friends. Sektor: That is pointless speculation, Li Mei.

Liu Kang, his father and brother may disapprove of Sektor now, but his mother would love her (almost) as much as he does and that's all that matters to him.

[khattikeri]

honestly my case for aro/ace Jiang Cheng stems heavily from his list of traits he'd want in a future wife.

like putting aside the fact that his "pickiness" got him canonically blacklisted from a majority of their world's matchmakers, we have this:

naturally beautiful

graceful and obedient

hard-working and thrifty

coming from a respected family

cultivation level not too high

These are all just Standard Things That Ancient Chinese Society Says It's Good For Women To Be.

A woman who is too strong will surpass her husband which is a huge no-no in their society. Too weak and she's a disappointment (read: Jiang Yanli). Marrying within or above your own social class is just expected common sense, especially if you're born upper class.

Then you have these next three points:

personality not too strong

not too talkative

voice not too loud

Of course these are also generic Standard Things That Ancient Chinese Society Says It's Good For Women To Be, but they also stood out to me more than the previous points because all of them remind me of Yu Ziyuan.

Jiang Cheng is very similar to her, and of course even without that he still cares about her. But she was very difficult to please and nurtured his inferiority complex for years. Growing up with her volatility hurt everyone in that house.

AND THEN TACKED ON AT THE VERY END OF THE LIST:

must treat Jin Ling nicely.

So almost all of these bullet points are generic, intangible societal ideals. Rather than being actual preferences for a marriage or to fall in love with, his list reads to me more like this:

Things Everyone Says It's Good For A Wife To Be IDFK

Actually Now That I Think About It Don't Be Like My Mom.

BE NICE TO MY NEPHEW.

Even the 'must treat Jin Ling nicely' can be tied back to Yu Ziyuan if you choose to view it a certain way. A new wife might dislike Jin Ling since he was already there prior to her marriage to Jiang Cheng, even if he's a blood relative rather than a good friend's orphaned child.

An official wife could easily get angry or misguidedly jealous. She could distance or mistreat Jin Ling, an elder male child born to people who are now dead. Who does that remind you of...?

Really all this list proves is Jiang Cheng really, really cares about his nephew + Wei Wuxian and wants the child to be raised with sincere kindness and love. Everything else is just like a dart thrown at a dartboard blind. Sure, write that down. People say it's good for women to be like X and say Y and do Z, right? Sure. Okay.

TL;DR - It's easy to view Jiang Cheng as actually being that arrogant and holding people to every single standard in his list, but IMO he just can't think of traits he actually finds attractive in a person beyond Be Ideal, I Guess. Which is painfully relatable and a primary reason why I see him as aro/ace.

[incense-and-nonsense]

Finished watching Arcane last night and I have some thoughts about Ambessa Medara that I need to get out of my system.

What I find fascinating about Ambessa as a character is the fanbase's reception of her: she's a big muscle mommy with a hidden soft side. However, I don't think the show's writers want us to like her and especially don't intend to portray her as an attractive person. The reason I think this is because (aside from her gender) she's a textbook example of a toxic, hypermasculine, alpha-male power fantasy.

Let's elaborate. Only a few minutes after we're introduced to her (having invited herself into her estranged daughter's world in a display of Emotionally-Healthy Parenting TM), she announces that she's off to "sample the local cuisine," gesturing towards a male consort/companion who awaits her.

And then there's this scene:

Here we are shown Ambessa naked in a bath being massaged by the same comparatively small companion we met earlier. The power dynamic in the relationship is clearly one of domination and submission. She's indulgent in her consumption and luxury and lobs criticism after criticism at a visibly uncomfortable Jayce, all while the artwork behind the two reinforces how this exchange will play out: Ambessa holds all the power, while Jayce is on the defensive.

In short, everything about the way Ambessa talks and carries herself is meant to convey one simple message: I am powerful. She never needs to insist on her power--it's self-evident.

On the surface, this seems like an extremely well-written feminist icon. Ambessa is strong and confident, bending to no-one and self-assured. In flashbacks and in her own dialogue, she's presented as someone who is willing to take ruthless and decisive action regardless of other's feelings. She exudes confidence and charisma and never apologizes for the space she takes up in other's lives. Other people exist largely to fulfill her goals and desires. Further, later she reveals that she exiled her daughter Mel because her daughter's more merciful and diplomatic nature weakened Ambessa and her resolve.

In short, Ambessa is the textbook icon of hypermasculine power fantasies enfleshed in a woman.

Thing is though, these traits don't become less toxic when they happen to belong to a woman. Imagine the two scenes above if the character's genders were swapped. Then what we see is a confident, muscled warmonger who establishes his place in the social hierarchy through displays of sexual dominance and belittling those around him. Imagine Caitlyn attempting to discuss the situation in Piltover as a nude, muscled man insults her competence and strides naked over to her in a clear display of power. That's not a character we celebrate; it's a character who makes us feel violated by their very presence. Moreover, it's a character we've all probably seen before a hundred times.

Toxic behavior doesn't stop being toxic when done by a woman instead of a man.

Ambessa is not intended to be a likable character. She manipulates and dehumanizes others (especially sexually), refuses to show mercy, and pushes away those closest to her out of her fear of weakness. She's not an icon of female empowerment. Her character is a commentary on how easy it is to think that feminism means adopting the toxic ways in which men have often exercised power over others. Dehumanization and exploitation aren't behaviors that we should celebrate just because they make a women look strong. Rather, we should re-evaluate what we think strength looks like.

[butch-reidentified]

do you think it’s possible for a lesbian to be somewhat attracted to a trans woman (who passes well) if the only place she sees the tw is online/in videos/in pictures? i’m gender critical and i believe attraction is based on sex, but if somebody strongly resembles the same sex and you’re only seeing them from a physical distance, wouldn’t it make sense for somebody attracted to that sex to be able to find them attractive? (not referring to pursuing a relationship with them)

its almost 4am at the end of a long work week, and I'm still recovering from covid, so I hope this is coherent lmao

ik this will be controversial but I urge people to really mull over this before reacting in anger, though I really do understand the impulse:

honestly, as a (former) neuroscience researcher and someone still deeply passionate about neuroscience who likes to read neuroscience journal articles in her spare time... I think it's fucking complicated and there's a bit of intellectual dishonesty on both sides. the TRA side claims you can (only!) be attracted to someone's internal identity or ~gender feelings~ while the gc side claims that there is NO circumstance in which a person could pass well enough as the opposite sex to be perceived as attractive by someone whose orientation includes that "passing" sex.

and yet, I've had the experience of being at an lgbt bar or club and seeing someone I thought was a cute masc woman initially, only to realize it was an androgynous or slightly effeminate-appearing gay man - and many many lesbians I've told this to have shared similar experiences with me. I know a male transitioner online who is really cool and calls himself a eunuch rather than a woman or anything, and while I don't find him attractive, I have to admit that in the ~100ish photos I've seen of him (incl many candid full body ones taken by other people), I've not been able to "clock" any distinct male characteristics. maybe that would be different in person, but we live on totally different continents so idk.

I've known a TON of trans people irl, likely far more than most people on radblr or anywhere. this is partly because Florida has the second highest # of trans people in the country, and partly bc of where I went to college, and partly because my life is just strange like that. but I'll admit I've known a couple mt"f"-transitioned folks who I truly had no idea were male for quite some time - physically or behaviorally.

the reality is that your brain only knows what it perceives, and if it perceives a male as a female without your knowledge, and your orientation includes females, then it could be possible to feel attraction. however, I'm preeetty damn sure that would not persist beyond learning that person's sex is male, at which point you'd probably suddenly start noticing whatever male traits you were able to overlook initially. but I don't think it makes rational sense to claim that it's never possible to experience "mistaken" attraction for a period of time. there are known cases of historical women who lived as men who were flirted with by straight women who believed them to be male, for instance.

this is one of those situations where the truth (what I've said above) could be twisted and deliberately misinterpreted by the opposing party, which I believe to be why so few, if any, are willing to acknowledge this. but it's a question I've pondered a lot and this is the only logical conclusion I've reached. and it simply is not rational for anyone to act like anything I've said here implies that homosexuals can/should be open to dating/sleeping with the opposite sex. anyone who could come to that conclusion from this response needs a seriously intensive review of reading comprehension.

like I said I'm not fully awake so I'm sure I could have made my points here more clearly and I'm sure I'll get retaliation from people who want to nitpick my wording or whatever, like usual, but o well.

[kylo-wrecked]

Name: Ben.

Nickname(s): Occasionally, a friend, a foe, or a love interest will call him Benji or Benny. Obviously, all Bens are united in their hatred of this.

Relationship Status: Verse dependent. Modern!Ben's articulated the words 'I love you' to but one other.

Gender: Cis male.

Romantic Orientation: Exploring or unsure.

Preferred Pet Names: Music!Ben will call you 'baby' if he hates you.

Opinion on True Love: All Bens believe true love exists... but maybe not for hims.

Opinion on Love at First Sight: Music!Ben thinks he's fallen in love at first sight many, many times. Modern!Ben is somehow more suspicious. Ex!Con Ben has never looked another person in the eye (Jk, he's not a believer) and Smuggler!Ben...

How ‘Romantic’ Are They?: He's unpracticed, not unromantic.

Edited for E.: Music!Ben can charm the pants off anyone but I still don’t think that makes him a ‘romantic.’

Ideal Physical Traits: This one is tricky because mun struggles to understand what makes one physical trait more desirable than another :') but we shall try.

Based on copious evidence, mun believes Bens generally prefer longer hair for [women/femmes], short to medium curls for [men/mascs], notable thighs (strong, long, or thick), or other limbs and extremities (Smuggler!Ben). Striking eyes, chest hair for [men/mascs], a nice smile, a brazen or unique laugh (for Music!Ben especially, laughter is physical). Scars and other proof of life.

Because he's 6'4", he prefers his partners tall, but because he's 6'4", he invariably accepts smol.

Ideal Personality Traits: If he likes you, be yourself. All of yourself, preferably, because he's greedy.

All Bens find humility attractive in a person. Music!Ben covets meanness and whatever he interprets as power today. Let's not think about tomorrow.

Unattractive Physical Traits: We're struggling again, and that's okay.

Redubbing this part 'least desired observable characteristics.'

Shaved or bleached brows, dreads on heads where they don't belong, notable cosmetic alterations (Music!Ben specific), literal body language (Smuggler!Ben specific), worm physique (Smuggler!Ben specific), problem skin.

Unfortunately, Music!Ben can veer on fat-phobic (he's certainly weight-conscious himself) and Modern!Ben thinks women should shave their legs for him or something ridiculous like that. Not that he'd ever say it. (Dirty fingernails are fine by him, though. The more, the merrier.)

Unattractive Personality Traits: ☝️ Do not lie to him.

Ideal Date: bullets? Bullets.

Modern!Ben: movie/museum and dinner, in that order, because post-movie/museum-going conversations reveal much about a person.

Music!Ben: goes from 1 to 111. He's not dating you; he met you someplace awful and will never leave you alone again. Hint: He's never the dumper, always the dumped.

Ex-Con!Ben: Somewhere quiet, outdoors, away from the public eye. Said date must make it clear to Ben that he's on a date, or else he'll be utterly lost.

Smuggler!Ben: kidnapped Poe Dameron once—and it was awesome.

Do They Have a Type?: Bens are often attracted to sensitive, mysterious persons... or people who 'yell' at hims (Music!Ben, Smuggler!Ben).

Average Relationship Length: Six inches. One to two years.

Preferred Non-Sexual Intimacy: Smush-

Commitment Level: Fluctuates. Bens are serious about those they care for, but.

Ah, the various buts.

Opinion of Public Affection:

Modern!Ben: Outlook good/You may rely on it.

Music!Ben: Don't count on it/My sources say no.

Ex-Con!Ben: ???/Ask again later.

Smuggler!Ben: *loudly in the cantina* —we're NOT married?!

Past Relationships?:

Modern!Ben: Has entered two serious relationships. The first was young and short-lived. The second ended in California. She cheated on him, and he has never recovered.

Music!Ben: Sadly. And before then, a fling with Rey, which he fucked up beautifully. And before, after, and somewhere in between, a thing with Armitage (verse dependent). It wasn't a romance, but it was certainly something.

Ex-Con!Ben: Nope.

Smuggler!Ben: Verse dependent but primarily occupied with and committed to Not Dying Between Now and Centaxday.

tagged by:// @godresembled <3 thank you, fren, for the much-needed distraction during my moving frenzy.

tagging:// anymun who hasn't already done this meme and wants to share~

singling out, @valkxrie, @debelltio, @itmeanspeace, @themckaytriarchy, @ofthestcrs (muse of choice), @certifiably-i (muse of choice), @ifyoucatchacriminal (muse of choice). @etoilebleu (muse of choice eris).

[limeade-l3sbian]

hi sorry if this question sounds nonsensical, english isn’t my first language!

i’ve noticed a lot of bisexual women have this ongoing phrase/joke of “do i want her or do i wanna be her” in relation to their attraction to certain women and the more i’ve noticed it the more i’ve noticed i don’t think i’ve ever seen a lesbian say such a thing so i became curious, do you as a lesbian ever see a woman where u want to be her rather than want to be with her? to me there’s something inherently male gaze-y/pandering about such a wish in most cases it’s used since it’s usually always connected to the physical when i see bisexuals use the phrase. like they would want to look a certain way, be perceived by society a certain way, sometimes even directed at women who are clearly very male desired.

this isn’t to say men and women can’t find the same women attractive but i’m again talking about the concept of wanting to be someone else. i think a lot of bisexual women and i’m saying this as one myself even if i don’t struggle with that issue, seem to have very strong heteronormative tendencies. in the sense that even their desire to other women somehow still has to somehow pander to a male centered world, if i’m making sense?

so i’m curious if you or any other lesbians who might follow you ever wanted to be a women whom you initially simply thought you yourself were attracted to.

of course seeing traits in someone else and finding them enviable to an extent is very human, but i do think it’s interest how bisexual women in particular have linked it only to their female centered attraction. i don’t see bisexual men use it, i don’t see bisexual women use it with the men, unless the bi women identify as non binary. i don’t see straight women and straight men, gay men, use it. and i’ve also never seen lesbians use it.

it’s kinda interesting to me!

Well, far be it from me to speak on the mindset of bisexual women or other lesbian women. I can only really speak with certainty for myself. Personally? The category of women I want to "be with" and women I would like "to be" are pretty distinct for no other reason than I have a very specific image in my mind of what I would like to look like or "be" but would not be all that interested in dating a woman who fit that description.

Personally, when I see this joke by bisexual women, I see it aimed at women who are actually more butch presenting! So it's interesting that you usually see it aimed towards more traditionally feminine women. I would imagine it's this conflicting feeling that, since it isn't all that serious, becomes comical.

[nightskywonderer]

Superman And Wonder Woman's Love Makes Perfect Sense — The Magnetic Attraction Between High Testosterone Men And High Estrogen Women Explained

Superman and Wonder Woman's romance may be fictional, but attraction between men with high testosterone and women with high estrogen is real.

Some things are meant to be — like Superman and Wonder Woman falling in love. Ever wonder why that is? Turns out, there's science behind this magnetism between high-testosterone males and high-estrogen females that makes Superman and Wonder Woman's romance more than just a fictional story.

Superman is the high-testosterone savior writ large.

An acute sense of justice and fairness are traits linked with the testosterone system in the brain. So Superman’s affiliation with the “Justice League of America” is an immediate tipoff to his personality type: a high-testosterone male, what I call the Director. He also looks like a Director.

Testosterone builds muscle—one of Superman’s outstanding traits. His angular jaw, high cheekbones, thin lips, and heavy brow ridges are also carved by testosterone. Oddly, these physical traits also signal his invulnerability—at least his imperviousness to disease. Testosterone is a caustic substance that jeopardizes the immune system; only men with a very strong immune system can tolerate high levels of this male hormone. Superman is among them.

Most importantly, this “Man of Steel” saves people he doesn’t know. Known as ‘heroic altruism,’ this willingness to confront severe danger to save a stranger is linked with elevated levels of testosterone. Directors want to be needed, to help, to “fix” the problems of the world. Superman personifies this primordial male role: the protector.

Wonder Woman exudes qualities built by estrogen.

She's what I call the Negotiator. This type is compassionate and nurturing; they seek peace and harmony, as Wonder Woman does. And I’m not surprised that she can talk to the animals.

Estrogen is linked with verbal skills, intuition, and the ability to read faces, postures, gestures, and tone of voice. All evolved to enable women to communicate with pre-verbal infants, even animals. Wonder Woman has these elevated estrogen qualities in spades.

Yet Wonder Woman is no doormat. She is highly independent, like many women. Moreover, with her social skills, she can be cunning. And she will fight. Indeed, when protecting their young, women can become far more dangerous than just about any man.

Wonder Woman seems to regard all good humans as her children. It is this genuine warrior spirit within a beautiful, tender-hearted woman that makes her the embodiment of all high-estrogen women–and a mythic creature to most men.

Superman and Wonder Woman are a classic match, the very high testosterone male and the very high estrogen female.

And they have many cultural and biological traits that will fuel their romance. People tend to fall in love with those of the same background.

Although Superman comes from a different planet, while Wonder Woman harks from an isolated island, both are aliens to our modern world. Both also have superhuman powers so each will understand the other’s strengths–including their mutual ability to fly. More importantly, Superman and Wonder Woman share the same values and goals–essentials to a good relationship.

They are both dedicated to truth and justice; both dislike wasting time on irrelevant, trivial, or boring matters; and both fight evil to save the good—traits shared by both the high testosterone and high estrogen types. Moreover, both value personal autonomy.

Each will find someone who is just as independent as themselves.

If their first kiss is novel and exciting, it might push Superman and Wonder Woman over the threshold toward falling in love.

A kiss is just a kiss? No way! A great first kiss can be thrilling—and trigger feelings of intense romantic love, due to the way the brain responds to novelty. Any kind of unique situation triggers the dopamine system. And dopamine is associated with feelings of romance.

The first kiss could also trigger sexual desire. Saliva has traces of testosterone, and men regularly like sloppier kisses, perhaps to transfer some of this male hormone and heighten the woman’s sexual response. Moreover, a woman’s breath and saliva change across her menstrual cycle, so with his sloppier kisses, a man may also be unconsciously trying to pick up this subtle hint of her fertility.

Is Superman a sloppy kisser? Perhaps we’ll find out.

In fact, the first kiss can be dangerous. In a study of 58 men and 122 women, 59% of men and 66% of women said that they had ended a romance after the first kiss. It was the kiss of death. Because as you kiss, you can see your partner clearly, as well as smell, taste, hear, and feel them.

Instantly these messages from your senses are picked up by five of your twelve cranial nerves and escorted directly to the brain. Here they detonate, providing vivid data about the person’s health, their eating, drinking, and smoking habits, and their state of mind–whether they are rough and impatient or tender and calm.

But if Superman and Wonder Woman like their first kiss, and turn into lovers, their kisses may trigger even deeper feelings for one another. Kissing among long-term partners raises oxytocin activity in the brain, producing feelings of trust and attachment.

Kissing a familiar partner also reduces the stress hormone, cortisol, contributing to this brain bath of pleasure, connection, and relaxation.

So kissing can trigger any one of three basic brain systems that humanity has evolved for mating and reproduction: romantic love, the sex drive, and/or feelings of deep attachment. And as Superman and Wonder Woman have their first kiss, they embark on one of Nature’s oldest—and most exciting–journeys.

But even Superman and Wonder Woman will have their problems.

She is a warrior, ready to kill her foes; he has killed and resolved never to kill again. Neither is likely to understand this fundamental difference in values.

Nevertheless, this is a natural complementary match.

Directors such as Superman want a mate who has the strength of character to stand up to their formidable personality. In Wonder Woman, the charming warrior, he has found his match. And in Superman, Wonder Woman will find a truly “good man.

Written by Helen Fisher Ph.D., a biological anthropologist and Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and Chief Scientific Advisor to the dating site Match. She is the author of the book The Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray, among other titles.

[mellifluousprince]

in progressive spaces there are so many unique, personable expressions of what it means to be a woman, and how girlhood is this beautiful open ended thing that everyone has their own definition of. I think it's wonderful to see women bond over their shared experiences & find companionship in each other as a result. meanwhile, what it means to be a man is essentially getting pigeonholed into this idea of being some violent, sex-obsessed beast; both by obnoxious men who keep pushing the whole alpha male manosphere garbage, and by women who see that trend & then view all men that way, ascribing every man with the label of a monster in order to protect themselves. there's nowhere else you can go. if you try to strike out on your own and define masculinity in your own way, in the eyes of everyone else you just fade into obscurity. it's like you don't even exist. the worst part is, it feels like i'm the only one who wants masculinity to have a broader meaning. so many other men i know want so badly to live up to this ridiculous ideal being forced on them. meanwhile i've known my whole life that i'll never be an "alpha male", because i don't want to be. but even if you don't subscribe to all the manosphere stuff and live your life free of those toxic expectations, as long as you're a man you'll only be thought of as bland and uninteresting. Women are seen as these inherently ethereal gorgeous beings(they're not, they're just people and saying this just further pressures them into feeling like they need to be attractive objects, but that's a different post), and men are either monsters or...nobodies. "Just some guy". John Doe. If that's what you want, then that's all well and good. But is that really all there is to being a man? when you strip away all of those preconceived notions about how men should look or behave or be seen by others, then what is masculinity, really? ideally, it should be the same as femininity in the sense that it's whatever you want it to be. you can see yourself in a traditional sense, as a proud, strong warrior who fights for honor & protects and provides for his loved ones, or a more non-traditional way, a demure prince who waits calmly for a princess or knight or other lover to sweep him off his feet. you can romanticize yourself as anyone you want: a hardworking scholar who wants to learn as much as he can or improve the world around him, a powerful athlete who lives for the joy of sport, an early-bird baker who embraces the quiet life, an iron-willed blacksmith who endures the forge to arm his brothers and sisters, a singer who lends his strong voice to uplifting the oppressed, a warm-hearted husband and/or father who has so many good wishes for others. sky's the limit. i understand why women often put men in a box and view men the way that they do. if you don't know a man's intentions, it's safer to lead with distrust. but i know in my heart that i would never hurt anyone like that, and so i don't want my personal sense of masculinity to be defined by those men who do such horrid things. i don't think any man should personally feel like their masculinity is synonymous with being a monster. i think they should burn the manosphere to the ground and just find the answer themselves. what's manlier than that? someday i hope people will feel comfortable enough to no longer think of masculinity as this stagnant, unmoving collection of violent, angry traits. i want it to be sought after and romanticized the same way femininity often is; as another equally glorious representation of what it means to be human.

[radfemnotfemme]

Hi! I see you're a radblr and a lesbian, which is great, because I'm trying to understand something but I feel like I'm biased (I'm hetero) and can't see the lesbian perspective properly. I'd like to ask this to my irl lesbian friend but I'm too afraid of sounding rude. I hope you can help me understand better!

So. Let's forget about personality (which is the most important thing for sure) for a second and let's talk about physical attraction only. Lesbians like women. Lesbians do not like men. So it's reasonable to assume they are attracted to the female body characteristics which differ from the male body (like breasts, large hips, female genitals, etc) just like hetero men are. Ideally, the more feminine the trait, the more attractive it should be, right?

So, why are many lesbians attracted to the 'butch' type? From my (biased) perspective, butches are like tomboys, so they seem to want to appear less traditionally feminine (example: short hair - not a male characteristic per se, but it is associated to men because most men have short hair; we could discuss this theoretically, but the social bias is undeniable and no one can escape it). Butches share many characteristics (like style, mannerism, etc) with men, to which lesbians should not attracted. But this is disproven by evidence, since many lesbians like butches! Help. I'm terribly confused.

Hi there, thanks for the question! You mentioned that you understand that lesbians are attracted to female body characteristics (such as breasts, wider hips, female genitals.) A woman has these female characteristics regardless if they’re butch or femme. Butch women may be masculine on the outside appearance or through personality, but at the end of the day they have female sex traits that those who are only attracted to males would not find attractive in any capacity. Butches may try to “hide” these bodily female characteristics, but when in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone you’re going to see what their body actually looks like. Short answer is: butches are females, men are males. It’s entirely possible to be attracted to masculinity but find male sex traits (such as no breasts, deep voice, beards, or penis) revolting or not attractive. Straight women who are attracted to feminine men are not homoSEXuals because of this, just as a lesbian isn’t heteroSEXual for liking butches. Same stuff for masculine gay men who attracted to feminine gay men.

You said “Ideally the more feminine the trait, the more attractive it should be?” which I disagree with. Femininity and female have no correlation at its core, as one is of a biological basis and the other is of a societal basis (though they tend to align, I believe masculinity is the natural state of all people anyways and girls are socialized to be very feminine.) ‘The more female a trait, the more attractive it should be to a lesbian’ is a better phrase, but femaleness comes in all sorts of appearance so it doesn’t really indicate anything or make much sense. You brought up short hair as an example of the similarities between men & butches, which i will agree on, but once again, this doesn’t erase the simple biological difference between a man and a butch. I actually happen to be a butch in a relationship with a femme, so i’m going to offer both my viewpoint, and hers:

As a butch who’s generally only attracted to femmes, I used to not be attracted to masculine women or butches. I still am not for the most part. It took a lot of unpacking internalized homophobia & heteronormative social standards for me to understand why. Everyone is raised to believe that the masculine belongs with the feminine as a child, and gay children are not exceptions to this. I think it’s been ingrained in me since a child that the type of person I should be attracted to is a feminine person. I’ve known since childhood that I was not feminine in the way my female peers were, as I’ve always been pretty masculine. When in elementary and early middle school, the boys I “liked” have all turned out to be feminine gay men (lol.) I never really was attracted to these boys of course, but I was attracted to femininity in females and it was the best I thought I could get. I thought that since I had to be with a boy, I would logically just be with a feminine one. When I understood that being lesbian was an option, I never looked back. It’s hard for me to unpack that me being attracted to a masculine woman isn’t me being attracted to a man, and I know this subconsciously is why I say i’m not attracted to butches much at all. I could possibly be attracted to a butch, but i think socialization has its claws gripped into me (and also just a mix of the fact that femininity is my personal preference in a lady.)

I asked my femme girlfriend her thoughts on this, and this is a summarized version of what she had to say (she thought I was asking about myself):

“[A butch] may be mistaken for a man, or be read as a man at first glance, but when you take a closer look it’s undeniable that you’re a woman. Your eyes are beautiful and feminine, you have a gorgeous feminine body & chest. Your hands are soft, small, & delicate (and no i’m not trying to poke fun at your insecurity i’m being serious) When you smile it’s even more obvious that you’re a woman. I am attracted to your masculinity of course, I love that you have muscles, the way you dress, [redacted personal hobbies], your short hair, how in control/dominant you are. I also love your curves, your soft voice, and smooth skin. & you don’t have the personality of a man, you just pick up hobbies and mannerisms most women are afraid will make them appear “manly.” You actually convinced me to start doing [redacted personal hobby] that i never even considered before because I thought of it as something that boys or men do and now I really enjoy it.”

Sorry if this is a bit of a word vomit or not comprehendible, but i wanted to explain as best as I could lol