#making fun of plus sized people is disgusting and I hope everyone who has feels ashamed.

[axmoth]

If I see one more fat phobic post involving pastel spider on tiktok I swear to god..

[renjuseyo]

if ur requests are open can i pls request Jaehyun x male reader where the reader is so drunk that he forgot that his boyfriend(jaehyun) is his boyfriend. then he asks a member if he is taken and they said yes and that will make reader to silently be sad in the corner and jaehyun asks if readers ready to go home......... andddddddd ill leaveee the rest to u hehehehe (iloveurwriting so much)

tipsy ; jaehyun

group: nct

pairing: jung yoonoh / reader (male)

synopsis: both you and jaehyun knew how much of a lightweight you were, but when has that ever stopped you?

genre: fluff, crack

warnings: implied sexual content, explicit language

i lost inspiration for this, so i hope this mess of a fic is okay anon! as always, feedback is appreciated!!

when you peek through the peephole, you expect to see the delivery man holding the package you had ordered online. instead, you’re pleasantly surprised to see your boyfriend on the other side of the door, wrapped in a hoodie, mask, and tinted sunglasses. his disguise is pretty unnecessary given how your neighbors are mainly made up of old people who have never heard of nct, but it gets the job done.

once you’ve unhooked the chain bolt, you unlock the door and swing it open. he slightly jumps at the noise, but visibly softens when he sees you. “hey (name),” he greets, slipping off his mask and sunglasses.

“hey yourself. what are you doing here?” you ask. with how hectic his schedule has been after promotions with the nct 2020 project and working as an mc on inkigayo, you two hadn’t seen each other in weeks. though you missed him, you sympathized with the tireless hours he spent working as an idol. at least you preoccupied yourself with netflix.

he slips off his sneakers and enters your home, taking off the rest of his disguise. you close and lock the door behind you, trailing behind him. “i managed to squeak in some free time today, so i came to visit you,” he explains. he faces you with a smile, pulling you close. you subconsciously lean your head onto his shoulder, humming as he sways your bodies.

“i missed you,” you tell him, fingers ghosting his waist. he makes a noise of agreement, resting his chin on your head.

you eventually pull away, eliciting a grumble from jaehyun. contrary to popular belief, he was the clingy one of you two, always using the excuse of “you’re just the perfect size for cuddling.” “stop grumbling, jae. you’ve come so far, so it’s only fair i make you something to eat,” you tell him, making your way towards the kitchen.

he follows suit, hand grabbing at the hood of your hoodie. you stop in front of the refrigerator and open it, canvassing the food you have in there. as you debate what to make for lunch, he rests his chin on your shoulder and snakes both arms around your waist. you roll your eyes, though you don’t make any movements to pry his arms off. “i can always eat something else,” he smirks.

you realize too late the implications of his comment, absentmindedly sorting through the bags of vegetables in your fridge. “do you want takeout instead then? mrs. moon from two doors down said that there’s this really good pho house near here.”

he nuzzles into your shoulder. “i’d really like to eat you,” he says as nonchalantly as one can, considering his implications. you nearly drop a bag of spinach, spluttering incoherent words as you spin around to swat his shoulder. he laughs, loud and proud, a stark contrast from the quiet, polite laugh he’s practiced.

“you’re the worst,” you hiss, reluctantly closing the fridge. he pecks your cheek, eliciting a disgusted screech from you. he leans back with a laugh before attacking your face with kisses. you shut your eyes as you try to wiggle out of his grasp. but jaehyun’s been working out, evident from his arms, and he’s always had an intense grip. when he leans away, satisfied, you flick his forehead. with how clingy jaehyun’s being, making lunch isn’t an option anymore. “i hate you.”

jaehyun eventually relinquishes his attacks, threading his fingers with yours. “you’re usually not this clingy, jae. actually, now that i think about it, you don’t flirt all too much either, much less suggest sexual innuendos. what’s the occasion?” you ask as he walks you two to your living room. he doesn’t immediately respond, flopping down onto the couch and dragging you along with him. you land on his chest with an oomph, your cheek squished against his chest.

he combs his fingers through your hair, smiling as you make a noise of approval. “well, i wasn’t going to say anything before the news outlet, but...” his smile only widens when he sees you look up at him with curious eyes; he nearly coos at how innocent you look. “a certain idol you know might make his acting debut soon~”

your eyes widen, and you quickly prop yourself up with your elbows. “what! no way!” you exclaim, jaw hanging open. jaehyun laughs at your shell-shocked reaction, though it’s a given; when you were in a mood to vent, he would always take your hand and pepper your knuckles with butterfly kisses as you ranted about how he deserved better and shouldn’t only be seen as a visual, whining about how sm failed to show his talents as a singer and an actor. well, those days are over now, he supposes.

“yes way, love. are you excited?” he isn’t sure why he asked that question, considering how shell-shocked you already look. plus, the squeal that leaves your throat and the way you throw yourself onto him is answer enough already.

“do you even have to ask? you used to send me videos of you acting out different roles because you wanted to try acting, and you always did them so well! i’m really proud of you, jae. you deserve it.”

“i’m really glad you think so, (name). do you want to hear-”

“no!” you interrupt, slapping both of your palms on his mouth. he tilts his head in confusion, surprised by your sudden outburst. “knowing you, you’re going to accidentally tell me everything, and then i’m going to know the whole story line before the show even airs!”

he’s about to refute your claims, but he can’t really considering how you’ve layered both of your palms on his mouth. plus, judging by the look you give him, he’s certain he’s going to be eating his own words sooner or later. with a sigh, he peels your palms off. "you’re no fun. can i not even tell you the name and the basic plot?”

“i’m sorry for wanting to give you ratings,” you snort. “and no. then i’ll be waiting in anticipation and will force you to tell me everything, even if you tell me you can’t because i told you before not to say anything. you can’t even give me a drop of information.” well, jaehyun supposes that is true. you’ve always been enticed by television shows; he’s personally seen you react to cliffhangers a show gives before it ultimately gets cancelled. needless to say, it isn’t a pretty sight. “this calls for celebration! we can invite the boys too... do you want it to be extravagant, or are we keeping it low key?” you ask, sitting up and reaching for your phone.

“what happened to just you and me?” jaehyun asks, batting his eyelashes with feigned innocence. “i can think of a lot more fun things we can do.”

you don’t even bat an eye; unlike earlier, you were prepared for this kind of comment. “shoving my foot up your ass sounds really fun, but unfortunately that won’t get me any food. the boys probably already knew before i did, so you’ve probably already celebrated with them... i guess we can keep it simple.”

“i’d take your foot any day,” he fires back with a heavily exaggerated moan, to which you respond with a slap on the arm.

“i’m telling johnny to bring over beer.” you’re texting a group chat with you and the other 127 members. you’re only dating jaehyun, yet sometimes it feels like you’re dating all of them with how close you are. plus, gossiping with jungwoo about your boyfriend is always fun. with him being his roommate, you both often share similar struggles.

he rolls his eyes, stretching over to wrap his arms around your waist. he peers over your shoulder to look at your screen. “please, (name). you’re the lightest lightweight i’ve ever met. who are you telling to bring over drinks? you’re like a baby.”

“fuck you.”

“i think it’s the other way around, but i’d gladly let you order me around~” he flirts.

you shove a pillow in his face as you fire off a text.

after ordering pizza, tteokbokki, and fried chicken, your dinner is nearly complete. the boys were coming over soon, with johnny being in charge of drinks, jungwoo in charge of takeout, and donghyuck in charge of entertainment. you had a nintendo switch jaehyun had gifted you two years ago, and you intended on making full use of it tonight.

(plus, you have yet to beat yuta at super smash bros. today is going to be that day.)

you had finished clearing the table for the food before you notice jaehyun’s sleeping frame on the couch. you’re about to walk over and reprimand him for being unproductive, but seeing how tired and peaceful he looks stops you. instead, you grab a blanket from your room and drape it over him.

you’re about to walk away and grab water bottles for everyone when you feel something tugging your hand. craning your neck, you smile at jaehyun’s hooded eyes laced with sleep. “c’mere,” he murmurs.

water bottles can wait, then. you pat jaehyun’s side, and he scoots over to allow room for you. as you slot yourself in his arm, spreading a leg across his, he makes a noise of satisfaction, eyes fluttering close. “someone’s tired,” you observe, pushing the mop of black bangs obscuring his eyes. “did practice run late?”

he avoids your gaze. “no, i spent the night playing uno with johnny, ten, and mark,” he admits.

you laugh. “must have been intense. i bet you were so burnt out from uno,” you sympathize with sarcasm. “but in general, don’t overexert yourself, okay? i know you’ve been busy, but you need to remember to take care of yourself.”

jaehyun nods, but a yawn rips out of his chest. you give him a knowing look, one that reads what did i say? which causes him to laugh. “yes sir,” he lazily responds.

“as tired as you may be, don’t go falling asleep on me now. the others are going to be here soon. what would they think, the guest of honor asleep at his own party?” you chuckle, leaning down to press a chaste kiss on his forehead.

he beams at the gesture. “give me more kisses and i’ll think about it,” he coaxes.

usually you don’t give in to his bratty demands, but seeing how tired he is reminds you of the accomplishments he’s achieved in the past year. a kiss is the least you could down. you lean down, breath fanning his lips, and he closes his eyes in contentment.

a few seconds pass, but the kiss never comes. when jaehyun opens his eyes, he’s surprised to see you’re no longer by his side, instead standing by the door. “that’s one way of telling a guy to come and get it,” he sighs, sitting up. he wearily rubs his eyes, blurry eyes watching you.

“sorry jae, taeil-hyung just texted saying they’re here,” you apologize. he sighs, eventually standing up after a few moments of stretching.

just as you had said, knocks resonate throughout your home, signalling their arrival. you peek through the peephole to verify their identities and sure enough, all nine other members stand outside, arms loaded. you undo the chain lock and swing the door open, greeting everyone.

“thanks for having us,” taeyong smiles, stepping into your home. everyone else echoes his message, but it comes out mumbled, like they hadn’t thought of saying anything until taeyong. the power a leader has, you suppose.

“no problem. here, let me grab some of the food.” you scurry over to jungwoo and mark, whose arms were loaded with the takeout you ordered.

as you grab a box of pizza from mark, johnny slaps you on the back. you nearly lurch forward and drop the pizza; if you had, johnny would be first on your hit list. “so jaehyun finally told you?” he asks with a grin.

“thank god. he spent days talking about ways to tell you, knowing how excited you’d be,” sicheng snorts, slipping off his shoes.

you laugh, especially when you see jaehyun spluttering in embarrassment. “you could’ve fooled me. all he did was waltz in and drop the news after he nearly fell asleep. made me feel like a proud parent and everything.”

“you may feel like one now, but wait until you watch him act. just going to be lots of cringing and teasing,” doyoung sneers, elbowing his shoulder.

yuta rolls his eyes. “like you’re one to talk, mr. lead actor.”

your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. “lead actor?!” doyoung laughs, answering your question. “good for you, hyung!”

jaehyun narrows his eyes. “why do you look more amazed at his news than mine?!”

i’m not a lightweight, you told yourself. i can handle whatever yuta throws at me, you told yourself.

you were sorely mistaken.

jaehyun notices this too, seeing you sway in your seat. he chuckles at the sight; you were never able to hold your liquor, and when you got drunk, you were quite the spontaneous drinker to deal with. one time you had drank so much that you cried over cute things, like when sicheng showed you a picture of his dogs. or the one time you were a man on a mission, flirting with all of the members. needless to say, that led to a very interested jaemin and a very pouty jaehyun.

you had initially planned on just sticking to soda, but yuta had wanted to make things more interesting and challenged you to a game of super smash bros. each time the loser lost, they would have to down a can of beer. despite your inability to hold your liquor, it activated your competitive nature. but of course, yuta is crazy good at any games he suggests, completely demolishing you with lucina. no matter which character you chose, you were just no match against him.

after several fruitless attempts, you’re seated between taeil and sicheng, who seem way too interested in the tteokbokki to notice your behavior. everyone else seems occupied, too; johnny, yuta, jungwoo, and donghyuck are playing mario kart 8, taeyong and mark are immersed in yet another one of their deep, contemplative conversations, and doyoung’s watching the whole scene unfold, supervising everyone (probably to ensure nothing ends up in flames). on the other hand, jaehyun’s sitting on your sofa, alternating between watching the four men in front of your television screaming and you in your tipsy state. he decides to stick with the latter.

eventually you lift your eyes up and make eye contact with jaehyun, who responds with a wink. seeing you flush and look away has his chest swelling with giddiness; you’re just too cute sometimes. the table isn’t far from the sofa, so he can hear any conversation that goes on there. he watches as you take another sip of your can, eyes shifting back and forth from the television and to him. you stare at him for a bit longer, eyes canvassing his face, his posture, his thoughts.

it seems sicheng notices your staring, sitting back down and nudging your shoulder. “what’s so interesting that it’s gotten your attention?” he asks, purposefully raising his voice so jaehyun can hear.

you flush at how loud he is, lazily putting a finger to your lips. “shhh, i’m staring at the pretty boy there.” you point your chin towards jaehyun, who pretends to not see. you’ve never been subtle when you were drunk, but telling you that would just lead to you loudly slurring your arguments. “do you know if he’s dating anyone?”

jaehyun nearly spits out his beer. of all the times you’ve gotten drunk, you’ve never once forgotten that you were his boyfriend - if anything, you were all too eager to prove just how much you belonged to him. he’s not sure whether to feel startled or amused.

sicheng chooses the latter, a smirk forming. “yeah, he has a boyfriend,” he tells you. jaehyun hopes you’ll realize that you’re the boyfriend in question, but seeing how you deflate like a balloon, he guesses not. he questions how much you’ve had to drink.

you slide off of your chair, pouting. “of course a guy as attractive as him has a boyfriend. i’m not surprised,” you grumble, crossing your arms. jaehyun can’t help the amused smirk that makes its way on his face. watching you envy yourself for being his boyfriend is very amusing.

sicheng must feel the same, stifling his laughter. “don’t look so bitter, (name). his boyfriend’s a good guy.”

you pout, crossing your arms. “well, i bet i can treat him ten times better! pretty boy there doesn’t know what he’s missing out on,” you boast, standing up.

sicheng can only watch in amusement as you stagger towards the kitchen. if only you knew how strange that statement was. “if you’re so confident about that, then what are you doing? planning on hiding in the kitchen to wallow on your sorrows?” he teases.

“i’m not!” you protest. “i’m just going to get some water because i’m dizzy as fuck and possibly cry about how single i am.” you mumble the last part, though because sicheng has uncanny hearing, he probably heard, if the smirk on his lips is anything to go by.

jaehyun decides it’s time to intercept, because as amusing as things were, he hoped you weren’t actually going to cry about being single, especially since you had no reason to. he stops by the dining table where taeil and sicheng are. “so i heard you and (name) were talking about me.”

sicheng snorts, rolling his eyes. “just because we said pretty boys doesn’t mean we were talking about you.”

though unaware of the topic, taeil leans in, chewing on a mouthful of pizza. “yeah, for all we know, he could be talking about me!” he chirps. he’s met with an annoyed glare from sicheng (though both of them can see him stifling his laughter), which he responds with an air kiss. typical taeil.

“well, i’m going to check up on him. i’ll leave you two lovebirds alone for now,” he teases. taeil looks a little too happy at the joke, whereas sicheng threatens to stab him with a fork. it’s amusing watching their reactions, considering how everyone around them already knows that they’re dating. those two just haven’t admitted anything yet.

he follows you into the kitchen, though you don’t seem to notice, too busy pouring yourself a glass of cold water.  “(name),” he greets.

you jump in surprise, nearly spilling water on yourself. when you turn to face jaehyun, your confident nature immediately disappears, quickly replaced with one of bashfulness. “you know me?” you ask, in awe of how said pretty boy could possibly recognize you.

if only you knew just how well he knew you, he thinks to himself. instead, he decides to play along; you’re obviously too drunk to realize how silly this seems. “i do,” he hums, patting your shoulder. he isn’t sure if your red cheeks are from the alcohol or him, though he hopes for the latter. he never gets less prideful when you get all shy because of him.

hoping to maintain the confident facade you had earlier, you quickly clear your throat, looking away. “how can i help you?” you ask, taking a sip of your water.

“well, i was hoping if we could talk in a more... private area?” he asks.

you nearly spit out your water, eyes the size of saucers. he has to stop himself from laughing, afraid the drunk you would get the wrong impression. “just to talk, that’s all. it’s kind of loud here, don’t you think?”

the screams from the living room (which are mainly from johnny and donghyuck and the occasional ones of distress from taeyong) and the volume of the television are evidence enough, so you nod in agreement. “yeah, sure.”

“perfect. let’s go then~” jaehyun laces your fingers together before you can say anything, and your ears are practically fuming with smoke. you’re too distracted by his touch to question how he knows where your bedroom is. when you both enter your room, he flops down on your bed, patting the empty spot beside him. at this, you gasp, scandalized and very flustered. he chuckles at how shy you’ve gotten, shaking his head. “my my (name), get your head out of the gutter. we’re not going to do anything... unless you want to,” he flirts.

jaehyun never tries to take advantage of you, especially when you’re not sober. but when the sober you would throw pillows (or anything that wouldn’t actually hurt him) at him for flirting with you, the drunk you would always fire back with equally flirty remarks, or the shy you would just splutter in embarrassment. he can’t help it, spewing sweet nothings to you - you’re just too fun to mess with for him to not to, especially when you’re drunk.

reluctantly you place your water on your bedside table and lower yourself beside him, heart thumping erratically. he chuckles at how timid you are, a stark contrast from the snarky (name) that he knows so well. he turns to face you, both of your faces only centimetres apart. the smell of alcohol lingers on both of you, though it isn’t as prominent on him as it is on you. he makes a mental note to ask yuta how much you’ve had.

you squeak at how close you two are, hands flying to cover your face. “you have a boyfriend,” you whisper. you’re undeniably flustered, but you would rather die than be known as a homewrecker!

his laugh startles you, even more so when he presses a hand to the small of your back. you look like you’ve committed a heinous crime, potentially causing an attractive man like jaehyun to cheat on his boyfriend. the statement is so abusrd though, considering how you’re the boyfriend in question. “i do, you are right. he won’t be mad at me, though,” he hums, leaning in so close your noses would touch if it weren’t for the makeshift barrier you’ve made from your hands. you flush red in embarrassment, hiding your eyes behind your hands. if you make eye contact with him, you’re sure you’re going to melt into a puddle.

“even if he didn’t mind, i don’t think we should be doing this. i know i wouldn’t be happy if my boyfriend did this,” you whisper.

jaehyun sure is having a field day with this. you’re too flustered and worried to notice the pure look of adoration he’s giving you. “call it a hunch,” he says. “i promise you, he won’t be mad at this.”

“why?”

“you’ll find out tomorrow.” he pauses as a yawn rips out of his chest. “i’m really tired, so i’m going to sleep. the boys probably won’t quiet down on my account, anyways. you can always go back to them if you want, though,” he offers. a small part of him hopes for you to stay and cuddle with him, but judging how you’re so sure he has a boyfriend who would be absolutely devastated for literally sleeping with another man and how you have no knowledge of where you stand, he wouldn’t be surprised if you left.

what does surprise him, though, is when you stay rooted in your spot on the bed. “i’m tired, too,” you say.

jaehyun smiles so sweetly, the one that has his eyes dripping with honey, that your hands fly up to cover your face again. his boyfriend must be lucky to see that sight all of the time, you bitterly think to yourself. still, even if you’re not sure why he’s flirting with you or where you stand, you decide to savor every moment that you get to spend with him. even if you don’t really know who pretty boy is, he’s sweet and kind. plus, only a fool would cover their eyes when someone as beautiful as him lays before you.

he moves an arm to pat your thigh when he freezes in midair, remembering how he’s supposed to have a boyfriend to stay loyal to (even though he’s right in front of him). he retracts his arm and instead pulls your blanket to cover your lower bodies. “goodnight, (name),” he hums, shutting his eyes.

before jaehyun can begin the long process of trying to fall asleep, he feels you tug at his t-shirt. cracking an eye open, he sees you laying before him, staring at him with curious eyes and red cheeks. oh no, now he’s really tempted to kiss you. you’re impossibly adorable, seeing how vulnerable and curious you are. “yes?” he hums, trying to stay awake. the effects from last night’s uno matches have really begin to take a toll on him.

“i don’t think i’ve gotten the chance to ask, but may i know your name?” you ask.

jaehyun chuckles. he’s flirted with you and is even sleeping in the same bed as you, yet he’s forgotten the basic courtesy that is introductions. he didn’t think he would’ve needed it, considering how you’re his boyfriend. but then again, you’ve forgotten that you are his boyfriend. “my name’s yoonoh, but you can call me jaehyun or jae.”

no one actually calls him jae except for you. it’s a short and simple nickname that you have for him, nothing endearing. but because it’s something that only you call him, even though there isn’t a meaning to it, he’s grown fond of the way it sounds leaving your lips. which is why hearing it from anyone that isn’t you only leaves a weird taste on his tongue.

you’re so drunk you don’t even remember jaehyun, nor who he is to you, so it isn’t surprising that you stick with jaehyun instead. he doesn’t mind though, because he knows when you’re sober again he’ll hear you calling him jae and cuddling into him and doing all of the coupley things he wasn’t able to do tonight.

wow, jaehyun really is a lovesick fool. it’s only been one night of not being able to cuddle or kiss you, but he feels like he’s missed a whole eternity of them. he really isn’t sure how he’s lived before you came into his life.

for an hour, you pester jaehyun on how you two became acquainted and who you were to him. he indulged you, of course, purposefully skipping over the part of you becoming boyfriends and doing things that friends definitely didn’t do. his stories seem to be an effective way of getting you to sleep, because in the middle of a story of how a pair of swapped backpacks led to your relationship, you’re lulled to sleep, tired hands clutching onto his t-shirt.

he can only chuckle, leaning down to press a kiss on your nose. you’ll sure be in for a storm when you sober up tomorrow morning.

your jaw drops as you stare at the video on doyoung’s phone. it’s of you and sicheng, and right now you can only watch in horror as you pester him for information on the pretty boy you were so interested in last night. you have no recollection of last night’s events, though watching the video makes you glad you don’t. the problem is, the boys were there to witness them, even recording evidence of it on their phones. you’ve already seen pictures that johnny and taeyong have taken from when you and jaehyun were cuddling in your bed.

“please tell me that isn’t me,” you whisper, utterly mortified.

mark pats your shoulder in sympathy. “that’s you, all right.”

at his confirmation, you groan, burying your face in your hands. doyoung and donghyuck are cackling at your demise, with sicheng reciting your complaints word from word to a very amused johnny and yuta.

“...and then he was like well, i bet i can treat him ten times better! pretty boy there doesn’t know what he’s missing out on,” sicheng mimics, purposefully raising his voice an octave higher as he mocks you. out of embarrassment, you reach for a pillow on your couch and fling it at him. unlike jaehyun, he’s very good at dodging, proven when he ducks. instead, the pillow smacks yuta square in the face. he throws it back at you with even more force.

you duck, the pillow smacking an unsuspecting jaehyun. he really is horrible at dodging things - how shameful. “what the hell was that for?” he splutters, picking it up from the floor.

you turn to face him, eyebrows furrowed with annoyance. “you watched me make an utter fool out of myself, and you didn’t once try to do anything about it?” you hiss.

jaehyun frowns in confusion until doyoung dangles his phone in front of his face. when he watches the video, his face eventually contorts to one of amusement. “oh, that.”

your face is red with embarrassment. “yeah, that! like seriously? where is your loyalty? do you not care about my well being? you know how vicious these monsters can be!” you whine, gesturing at the said nine monsters behind you.

he nonchalantly shrugs, though you can see the corners of his lips threatening to curl into a smirk. “i do, but you were just too cute, seeing you all flustered. what about my own well being, huh? seeing you like that isn’t good for my heart,” he coos.

your heart leaps, but you mask it by smothering his face with a pillow. “you’re the worst,” you grumble.

“you act like you don’t like it, but i know you do~” he retaliates, albeit muffled from the pillow.

behind you two stands nine other boys, obviously unimpressed. watching you two engage in petty banter is always amusing, but not when it makes you flustered and encourages jaehyun to flirt with you like the cheesy, lovesick fool he is. “they’re so gross,” donghyuck gags.

johnny nods in agreement. “let’s get out of here before they start fucking on the counter.”

at johnny’s comment, you turn away from jaehyun so fast you swear you hear your neck crack. “do you have no filter?!” you shriek, exasperated.

with your guard down, jaehyun takes this as a chance to wrap his arms around your waist. a noise of surprise leaves your throat as he places his chin on your shoulder. “you’re so mean, (name). i liked the shy you a lot better~” he hums.

the other boys don’t even blink. “we’re going to leave now before things get bloody. good luck, (name),” taeyong says, saluting you.

jaehyun’s already tugging at the hem of your shirt and peppering your neck with kisses by the time the boys leave.

[giorno-plays-piano]

You were all I wanted Part 3

Pairing: mob!Peter Parker x plus-sized!Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, swearing, human trafficking, mentions of non-con, minor character’s death.

Words: 1600.

Summary: You are bought by the head of Stark crime family for a kid he cares about.

Part 1

Part 2

P.S. Peter is an adult!

This chapter turned out to be shorter, but it's still pretty eventful. Hope you're going to like it <3

___________

"But what... what if he won't like me? What if he'll take me away?" You sobbed, panic taking over you as you imagined Tony Stark pressing a gun to your forehead.

"No, he'd never do that." Peter left a little kiss behind your ear. "Mr. Stark doesn't take the gifts he's made back. You don't have to be afraid of that."

You sniffed at his words. That's what you were now. A gift. A possession. A pet whose job was keeping its master happy. You had to be grateful you were given to someone like Peter, at least. You didn't know whether he would always treat you kindly, but as of now he had never threatened to hurt you. You could only pray for him to fancy you so he wouldn't throw you away like some garbage - apparently, Tony Stark treated his women exactly like that.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. Of course, you got upset." Peter cuddled with you some more, but you weren't sure whether he was being sincere. Wasn't he sending you a clear message?

Don't go against me or you'll end just like her.

"Oh, I have an idea. Let's go out! Do you wanna see the movie or something?"

You did your best to wipe away your tears and stared at the boy, perplexed. "What?"

"We have a nice little cinema not far from here. We could go right now, just let me check what they've having today."

"But didn't you say I can't leave this place?"

"I meant without me." He showed you the same smug smirk Stark was wearing all the time, and you lowered your gaze to Peter's chest instead. "With me close you can go wherever you want to."

Funny thing to say. In thruth, you could go wherever he wanted to take you.

"Wow, they're having Beyond Darkness in 30 min! We gotta go, you'll loooove this."

"Sure."

In five minutes you were already hurrying after Peter and trying to look nowhere but your shoes. Regardless of what was there in Stark's Tower, you didn't want to see it, not even mentioning all those guys with guns scattered across the building. Peter was saying his hello to each and every one of them as if he were some mafia's social butterfly.

Whatever. You knew Peter was Tony's favorite not because he had a pretty face. You had never particularly asked what his role in all this was, but it was obviously something way bigger than running errands for the gang. Maybe it was better to never figure it out.

"Hey girl, wanna have fun?" Somebody to your left asked you, and you flinched involuntarily, keeping your head low.

Peter stopped in the very same second and sent the stranger a hard look.

"Mike, you offer my girl drugs one more time and I'm gonna shoot your cute little brother in the leg, you hear me?"

You raised your eyes to Peter's smiling face and regretted it immediately. There was something so dark in his gaze you wanted to turn around and run until you were back to your room, hiding somewhere in the corner.

"Shit! Sorry, Spidey!" The guy's high-pitched voice sounded frightened. "Didn't know you got a girl!"

"Yeah, yeah, see you later, we're kind of busy now." Peter grabbed your hand and pulled you away, heading to the exit. "I forgot to mention before that we don't do drugs. At all. They're good for business, but not for us, ok, Baby?"

"Yes, Peter." You answered and kept chewing your lips, thinking of all the things he had just said. You suspected him to be more ruthless when you weren't around, but never to such extent. How damn scary was real Peter Parker?

"And don't worry, I'd never shoot his brother in whatever part of his body." The boy said it like it was something obvious and you didn't even need to pay attention to it.

Why then did that guy look completely horrified?

When you had finally stepped outside and felt the wind playing with your hair you were ready to cry. Just walking out of the Tower was a fucking torture.

It was already dark, and you pulled the zipper on your pretty blue jacket up, going almost shoulder to shoulder with Peter. Normally you'd be at least a little scared to walk the streets of a big city at night, but the guy your mother had warned you about was already holding your hand.

The place the boy brought you to was truly small but cozy with nice vintage red seats, the delicious smell of caramel popcorn spreading everywhere. It turned out that the movie was something in between Star Wars and Star Trek, which wasn't surprising because Peter was a sucker for anything related to sci-fi. Anyway, it wasn't bad and you actually enjoyed watching it. The movie helped you to keep your mind off your earlier encounter with the drug trafficker and the words Peter said.

The only way to live like that and stay sane was to turn a blind eye to anything that happened around, you thought. It was cowardly and revolting, but what could you do against one of the most, if not the most, dangerous gangs in New York? Surely, even if by some miracle you could flee the Tower and go to police, would they really be willing to help you? No, they would return you to Mr. Stark. You were a hundred percent sure he got it covered.

"Are you feeling tired, Baby?"

You snapped out of your thoughts and looked at Peter who smiled at you so lovingly it could make any girl cry.

"Just a little bit."

"Want me to give you a massage when we gonna get home?" His expression quickly turned devious, and he winked at you.

Yeah, great, now you'd have him fucking you before your knees were giving out. The kid had such stamina he could be an Olympic athlete, no less.

"Aw, I love when you blush like that." Chuckling, he put his arm around your shoulders and inched closer to give you a quick peck on the lips. You forced youself to enjoy his little signs of affection and start thinking you ought to be thankful he wasn't into heavy BDSM practices or something like that.

While you two were kissing again, you heard someone's loud footsteps as if this person just jumped out of the corner, and then there was a hateful outburst, "Stay were you are. Your wallets, quick!"

You froze, your hands getting cold as you stared at the face of a guy standing in front of you with a knife in his hands. He was clearly unstable, sick - you could see the dark circles around his eyes, the unhealthy color of his skin, and his greasy hair sticking to his forehead. You didn't know what was wrong with him, but he was twice bigger than Peter. The guy would probably have no problem with slicing both him and you into pieces if you didn't comply.

"I said g-"

"You gotta be fucking kidding me." Peter let out a frustrated sigh before you heard the loud sound of the gun firing.

There was a little black hole in the guy's chest, blood seeping through his dirty white t-shirt and coloring it in a beautiful deep ruby color. You could see the confusion in the eyes of the stranger, his mouth half-open. Slowly, he went down before his legs gave out and he landed at the ground with a loud thud. He didn't move after that.

"Come on, attacking a couple of high shoolers? You're such a psycho, man. Who were you gonna go after us? Kids?" Peter rolled his eyes and hid the gun under his bomber, turning away from the man he murdered and shouting to someone behind him. "It's ok, people! It's just me, your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! Calm down, go home, it's late!"

You were still staring at the large pool of blood spreading beneath the body of a stranger - lack of light made it look like it was an odd black liquid. Before you could take your eyes elsewhere, you felt bile quickly going up your throat and vomitted, moving to lean your hand on the wall of a building. He killed him. Peter killed him. You didn't even see him pulling out the gun.

"Oh Baby, I'm so sorry." The boy gently held back your hair when you threw up again, feeling scared, disgusted, feverish and cold at the same time. "That's why I don't like drugs and what they do to people. That shithead lost his mind, you see? No sane guy would ever jump on me or my girl like that."

Despite him being so tender, you couldn't even turn your head to look at him as you started shaking from his touch.

You kept emptying your stomach a few more minutes before Peter softly wiped your mouth with his handkerchief and took your arm, walking you back to the Tower and saying all those unnecessary things about how terrible some people are and how everyone has to take care in the dangerous world they're living in. You didn't hear half of that, but you cared little for his chattering.

Peter had shot the man without showing even the slightest regret. He'd shoot you the same way if you ever turned against him - he was Stark's favourite, after all.

__________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki  ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @void-hoechlin @abyssaint @msruchita @opheliadawnwalker3

[waywardnerd67]

Starving Affection

Summary: It had been five years since (Y/N) had any physical contact with another person. When she starts talking with a man online who reads her fanfics, a battle of her  mind and body begins. When the time comes to meet him, she finds that there are still decent human beings in the world.  Characters: Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, Sami (OFC), Plus Size!Reader Pairing: Jensen x Plus Size!Reader Warnings: Angst/Fluff/Smut/Body Image Distortion Word Count: 9256 A/N: Again, me working through my feels. Thank you for allowing me to do so.

My chest tightened. Jaw clenched until my teeth hurt. My body rigid and frozen as panic flowed through my veins. The overly friendly, new teacher had her arms outstretched towards me. If I had been a normal person, I would gladly hold my arms out as well embracing her kindness and affection.

I was not normal.

“Hey Katy!” My partner teacher and best friend, Sami, headed her off by stepping in front of me and taking the hit of affection.

There was a special place in Heaven for Sami and if not, I would fight God themselves to make it so. I could see Sami whispering to Katy and a nod of acknowledgement told me I would not have to worry about her advancements again.

“Sorry (Y/N), I didn’t know you weren’t a hugger. How about a high five?” Her sweet gesture had my trembling hand stretching out to her as she quickly slapped it with her own.

Only Sami could see my flinch from the physical touch of someone. Everyone else summed it up to my quirky personality and weird aversion to being touched. Thankfully our English department meeting was over and I could escape to the safe haven of my car. Sami was close behind me waving goodbye to everyone.

I bumped my shoulder to hers as she was the only one I had no problem with minor touching, “Thank you for taking that hug for me.”

She laughed, “You’re lucky I’m a friendly and huggy person. Hey, I meant to ask you before school today, but how is counseling going?”

I cringed, averting my gaze from her, “It’s… going fine.”

She stopped me with a tap on my shoulder, “The truth, please.”

I sighed as my shoulders slumped in defeat, “I stopped going,” I saw the incoming assault in her narrowing sky colored eyes.

“(Y/N)! You were making such good progress with this counselor. I was even able to give you a one arm hug.” The disappointment in her voice weighed my shoulders down even more.

I leaned against my car pulling on the sleeves of my hoodie, “I know, I know. She had me go to one of her support groups and everyone had to hug someone. I… I just couldn’t. I tried three or four times going to the group and I failed every time.”

My eyes fell to the ground, disgust filling my mind, “Yes, you really are as pathetic as you’re sounding.” My inner voice snarked.

I heard Sami sigh, “It’s okay. We can work through it together. We can keep doing everything you liked from her and work at your pace.”

Looking up, I forced my lips into a small smile to appease my only real life friend, “That sounds good. Thanks Sami for putting up with me.”

I made my way home to a small ranch style home that was off the beaten path. My grandparents had left it to me knowing I would love the seclusion of it. It was my Fortress of Solitude. The only living thing, other than Sami, to be able to snuggle with me was Charlie the cat. The copper Main Coon was sitting by the door awaiting my arrival.

My evenings were always the same. Check in with my mom for an hour on the phone. Make or order dinner, which tonight was ordering pizza for the leftovers tomorrow. Turning on my favorite TV show, Supernatural, on Netflix and working on one of my millions of fanfics.

“Yes, stay in complete denial by hiding in your fantasy worlds and falling in love with fictional characters. Loser.”

I pushed my inner thoughts to the very back of my mind and focused on my current series I was writing. Pulling up Tumblr, I looked in my notifications seeing someone binge reading my masterlist. My heart always swelled with joy whenever someone took the time to read my writings. This person was also leaving feedback as well.

“ChevyMan67: I love this version of Dean! You truly have captured his personality and sarcasm.”

“ChevyMan67: I can’t get enough of this series! Please tell me there is more to come. I need to know if Dean finally falls in love and gets his apple pie life.”

I read through every comment and looked at every GIF the reader posted. I hit follow on his blog then took a few screenshots from my activity page, pulling up a blank post adding the pictures.

“Thank you to @ChevyMan67 for binging my stories! Your feedback means everything to me!”

As soon as I posted it there was a notification of a reblog from him. He posted a GIF of Dean screaming with #Fangirling flashing underneath. My cheeks ached from the unusual tension of a genuine smile spreading across my face.

Online I could be anyone I wanted. I would virtual hug and blow kisses at my friends. I was able to be more like the woman I was. Social, happy, carefree, open to others. I could be the woman I desperately wanted to be but my mind would not allow.

“Stay guarded. Remember what happened when you trusted him? Trusted his family? Never again. You promised never again.”

My indeed guard held the line at the gate of my mind. She stood in full armor and shield ready to throw off anyone that even attempted to break through to the part of me that desired to be a whole person again. I shook my head with a firm nod and reaffirmed my promise to myself to never let anyone that close to me again.

As I was closing down her computer for the evening, a ding caught my attention as a message came from Tumblr. Opening the window, I saw a DM from my newest follower.

“Hey there, I just wanted to say thank you for following me. Apparently I’m a rarity on here for being male and a fan of Supernatural. I truly love all your writings and can’t wait to read more. Hopefully, we can get to know each other better and become friends. Anyway, I’ll leave you alone. Message me any time. Goodnight.”

I re-read the message several times before closing my computer. Sure I had people message me for small talk and a few close friends I had on there. This felt different. Something deep within me sparked and I did not know how to react. There was only one person I knew I could go to and her reaction was more frightening than the thought of responding to ChevyMan67. That night was the first of many restless nights for me.

A week later, I finally sat down and responded to him.

“Hey, I’m sorry it took me so long to respond. I’m… well, I’m not used to talking to guys here. I think it’s great that you’re on here and reading, BTW. I’m working on a few pieces right now, maybe you could beta for me if you have time. I hope we can be friends as well. Have a good weekend!”

I was nearly hyperventilating when I hit enter sending the message. I tried to work on my newest one shot story and ignore my anxious heart awaiting for the ding. It was not until I was in bed watching my favorite episode of Supernatural that my phone chimed.

“Tumblr: Message from ChevyMan67”

My finger hovered for a moment before opening the app. The message opened and I let out a air I had been holding in my chest.

“No worries. Everyone is busy and has their “real life” to attend too. I work odd hours and days all the time so I get it. I would LOVE to beta for you!!!! Reading your work before it’s posted online? HELL YEAH! I feel honored you asked and I’m fanboying hard right now. Crap… that sounded… I mean. Sorry lol. You can send your fics to ChevyMan67@gmail.com. Looking forward to hearing from you again.”

Over the next six months, Ross and I talked throughout our days getting to know one another. Three month into Tumblr messenger and dumb updates, he gave me his cell number to text one another. At times, I would have to catch myself from laughing while my students took a test. Everyone around me started to notice the small changes in me. Smiling more, talking more and one student commented on me wearing bright colors.

“You look good in yellow Miss (Y/L/N).”

However it was Sami who demanded to know all about the changes going on with me. We sat at our favorite restaurant, the first round of drinks being set in front of us. After the waiter took our order, Sami began her interrogation.

“Tell. Me. Everything. You’ve been keeping me at bay and I’ve respected your space, but you have seemingly blossomed in the last few months. Spill.”

I bit my lower lip as my phone sounded with an all to familiar chime. I went to grab my phone when Sami placed her hand over it, “Me first. Tumblr second.”

“It’s not Tumblr. Let me reply to him and then I will tell you everything.” I dared to look up to see my best friend’s face frozen in shock.

Her eyes wide and mouth gaping, “Him?!”

I nodded reading Ross’s message, “Hey I know you’re out with Sami and going to tell her about little ole me. I just wanted to make sure you were still thinking about what I asked last night. Can’t wait to hear from you soon. Not now though, have fun with Sami.”

I smiled, locking my phone and putting it in my purse looking back to my ridiculously happy friend, “His name is Ross.”

There was a loud, attention grabbing squeal from her as I shushed her, “Leave out no details…” she rested her perfect chin on her folded hands.

I told her all about Ross and how we began talking. I told her everything I knew about him and what he knew about me. Finally, as our food came out and drinks were refilled, I told her about what he had dropped on me the previous night.

“He asked me to meet him at the Supernatural Convention in Dallas next month. He already has the passes paid for and a few photo ops that we could share.” My heart raced at the thought of meeting Ross and meeting my favorite celebrities all at the same time.

Sami’s smile faded slightly, “Does he know about your struggles with being touched?”

I nodded, “It was one of the first personal things I told him. He’s still talking to me so I took that as a frightening good sign.”

“What are you feeling?” her point blank question shook me for a moment.

My fingers drummed against the table, “I’m nervous, scared, anxious…” I paused for a moment before looking up at her with a smile.

“I’m also excited, hopeful and curious.”

Sami held out her hands to me, palms up and I hesitantly placed my hands in hers. It was something we had been working on for the last couple of months. This was the first time I allowed her to squeeze my hands.

“You really like him.” She whispered smiling like a fool.

I felt my own smile mirroring hers, “Yes I do and that scares me shitless.”

The rest of the evening felt like the old days before my life fell apart. When I got home, I decided to test my luck. Pulling up Ross’s number, my thumb hovered over it until I smashed it hearing it ringing.

“Well hello, this is a surprise.” His velvety smooth voice sent shivers down my body, “Take a deep breath and know it’s okay if you hang up to just text me.”

���N-No, I’ll be okay.” I stammered as he let out a low chuckle.

I could hear him moving away from other voices around him, “I interrupted something…” Guilt and shame weighing my shoulders down.

“Not at all. They can wait, you calling me is an important moment. Not everyday, I get to speak to my favorite writer on the phone.” His compliments calmed my queasy stomach, “Could I be so hopeful that this phone call is working up to a good answer?”

I took a deep breath in and let out slowly, “Yes.” The word seems foregin to her as it left my lips.

“Yes I can be hopeful or yes to my question?” His jovial banter eased the tension in my shoulders.

“Yes.” I tried to sound a little more confident, my heart beating against my chest.

There was a moment of silence before loud cheering and yelling came through her speaker. His excitement was silenced by my own unfamiliar laughter. Suddenly I was hyper aware that he was no longer making any noises. Panic and fear swelling inside me.

A soft sigh came from him, “You have a beautiful laugh. I can’t wait to hear it again.”

My cheeks burned, “Thank you.”

Ross told me he would send all the details for our trip and that I was not to worry about money of any kind. Mentally, I began planning out how to save as much money as I could in the next four weeks. Thankfully, my savings was built up enough to take a small hit and not dip into her emergency fund. Over the next several weeks, I began to prepare for my first convention, first time meeting an online friend, first time traveling by myself, first time facing the unknown in five years.

The morning of my travel day, I went over to Sami’s house with Charlie. I was surprised to see her sister sitting there. She waved to me before taking Charlie’s crate.

“What’s going on?” I looked around seeing Sami’s suitcase packed by the door.

She smiled, “Your friend Ross, reached out to me.”

The color from my face drained for a moment, “H-He did… How?”

“He found me on your Instagram page. DM me asking me to join you on your trip. Stating and I quote, ‘I know you being there with (Y/N) will make her more comfortable. I want this weekend to go as comfortably as possible for her. I know it’s a big step and I want her to be taken care of.’”

She smiled softly as my vision blurred from tears slipping down my face, “Oh… wow.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty amazing (Y/N/N). If you were ever going to work on overcoming your touch aversion this would be the man to do it for.” Sami turned around to help her sister, leaving me to my own thoughts.

“Absolutely not! There is no way he is getting through my defenses. I have held strong for five years. Your heart and mind are safe within my holds.”

“Do you really think he’s going to want to touch you? Look at yourself. Lumpy. Chunky. Squishy. Dull (Y/C/H) hair. Boring (Y/C/E) eyes. Not even a decent pair of boobs or ass. You’re nothing special. Always remember that you’re nothing special.”

“(Y/N)? (Y/N) stop it.” Sami’s voice rang clear bringing me back to the present.

I nodded slowly, “Sorry. I zoned out.”

“Freaked out. We will work through it. Sara is gonna drive us to the airport and we have an hour to chat. Okay?”

It was in the moment that I noticed my best friend had absentmindedly placed her hand on my shoulder and I did not flinch. My eyes looked to her hand and back to her, “You’re touching my shoulder.”

“Crap, I’m so sor…” she started to say but my bright smile stopped her, “What?”

I placed my hand on top of hers, “I didn’t flinch or move or even notice you did it.”

Now her smile was matching mine and we had a moment of pure excitement jumping around each other. True to her word, we spent the hour on the plane doing some meditative exercises. I thanked every high power who would listen for my best friend getting her psychology degree.

There was a man waiting with our names on a piece of paper. He took our bags and drove us to a  hotel near where the convention was being held. Sami checked us in since there were so many people inside and my anxiety started to flare up.

Breathe in counting to six. Breathe out counting to six.

I repeated my breathing exercise until Sami returned her brow furrowed, “What is it?”

“I don’t know who Ross knows, but he must be connected in some way. We have a suite on the fourteenth floor.”

My jaw dropped slightly before I stood up bracing myself for the next hurdle of getting through the elevator ride. Luckily, there were only two other girls in the car and I could safely keep my distance from them.

“I heard that Jensen is staying at this hotel.” One mentioned as the other rolled her eyes.

“Yeah right. This is Dallas, I’m sure he’s probably staying with his family or something.”

The girls exit on the eighth floor and before the doors could close Sami and I were chuckling to ourselves. The chances of Jensen Ackles staying at this hotel would be astronomical. The car dinged for the top floor and opened to a small hallway. When we opened the door to our suite neither of us spoke.

Sami walked throughout the entire room before I could even move from the entryway, “This room is amazing! Check out the view we have (Y/N).”

“Hold on. Having a moment.” I breathed as Sami came to my side and I held my hand out, “I’m fine. Just need a moment to make sure this is real and not a dream.”

I watched as she walked over to the coffee table where there was a gift basket and she held up a small notecard, “Oh it’s real.”

“(Y/N) and Sami, I hope you love your room. Enjoy your night and order anything you want. The front desk knows it’s all on my tab. I’m hoping you both will join me for dinner tomorrow night after registration. Sadly, my job won’t let me leave before then. I look forward to meeting you both. -R PS: I highly recommend the spa and they have a large private jacuzzi just for you, (Y/N).”

Sami sighed, “I really hope he has a single brother, cousin, friend that is like him for me.”

I rolled my eyes walking over to the large windows looking out. Flashes of the last time I was in Dallas popping into my mind. I shivered as the one voice I hated yelled loudly in my ears. My hands covered them and I felt Sami tap my shoulder twice. For the first time, in several years, I reached out to her and gripped her arms.

“(Y/N) remember why we’re here. Remember talking with Ross on the phone. The tone of Ross’s voice. His laughter.” Her calm tone eased me out of the wretched memory.

She guided me over to the couch and went to get me a glass of water. I sipped it slowly before squeezing her hand, “Thank you.”

“You know, I can get used to you reaching out to me. Feels like the (Y/N) I knew coming back.” Sami squeezed my hand back before I let slip from her grasp.

She was right, the woman I once was before my ex was fighting her way to get out again. Still, my guard was up standing fortified at the gate.

That evening was a girls’ night of epic proportions. They went to the spa where (Y/N) sat in her private jacuzzi while Sami received the best massage of her life. Afterwards, we ordered our dinner from room service making moderate choices since neither of us were paying. When our food came there was a special dessert also with another note.

“A little birdy told me that your favorite dessert was French Silk pie. I wanted you to have a slice and some New York Style cheesecake for Sami. Have a wonderful night.”

Sami whistled, “Man, he has it bad for you.”

“Shut up.” I muttered lifting the dome to see a delicious slice of pie.

As they ate and talked, Sami took my phone taking pictures of them enjoying a very Sam and Dean style dinner. Sami having a Chef’s salad with honey mustard dressing. I took a picture of my dinner sending it to Ross with a text saying thank you.

“Dean would be proud! That bacon cheeseburger looks good. Enjoy!”

I smiled the entire time I ate my burger. Finishing out meals, Sami hooked up her laptop putting on Supernatural. I decided to try and work on some stories when a terrifying thought crossed my mind. I looked up to the screen as Dean began to talk. I closed my eyes listening carefully to his voice. The low tone and smoothness of it. It was the way he said the word writer that had my eyes snapping open and a gasp escaping my lips.

“What? What is it?” Sami sat up concerning filling her eyes.

Like pieces to a puzzle everything snapped into place. All the small details that would go unnoticed by someone who would never expect it. Sami tapped my shoulder and I turned to her with wide eyes.

“Ross… that’s Jensen’s middle name.” I mumbled reaching for my phone.

Sami stood up pausing the episode, “Okay… what are you getting at.”

“Listen.” I played for her the voicemail he had left a few days earlier, “Now play the episode.”

Sami’s eyes connected to her, “No way.”

“Ross is Jensen Ackles.”

That night my dreams were filled with my ex yelling at me. Fat shaming me. Calling me a loser. Calling me useless for not being able to bear children. His looming form made me coward into a ball on the floor. I woke up several times during the night, the final time close to six in the morning. Sami was peacefully sleeping on her side of the bed.

I picked up my phone going into the living area and dialing the all too familiar number. On the third ring she was going to hang up, but then his groggy voice pierced my ears.

“(Y/N), is everything alright?” All I could hear was Dean, which meant that it was truly Jensen on the other side.

“You tell me, Jensen.” I heard him sit up as I began to pace near the window.

A long sigh came from him, “I knew you would figure it out before meeting me.”

I scoffed, “Is this some kind of celebrity joke or prank? Pretend to be someone’s friend and embarrass them when they meet you.”

My guard was shaking her head muttering, “Told you so…”

“No, (Y/N) it’s nothing like that. Misha had read some of your stories and suggested I should read them. At first, I thought it would be weird because I’ve never read fanfiction before, but your writing… it drew me in.” His words came out all in one breath.

I froze, “M-Misha read my stories? Oh god…” My body burned from embarrassment.

“Honestly, there’s not a person on our crew that hasn’t read at least one of your stories. You’re talented and the way you write for the boys is amazing. Our own writer’s are impressed with your talent.”

I groaned slumping down to the floor, “This was all a mistake.” The last thing I heard before ending the call was rustling around as if Jensen was moving from his bed.

My phone slipped from my hand as tears streamed down my face. I closed my eyes allowing my inner voices to consume me. Dragging me down into the darkness.

“You fool! Here I stood guarding you from this and still you allowed someone in. You deserve what is coming to you!”

“You useless piece of nothing! You’re the biggest joke this world ever created. Fat, ugly, even your body can’t do the one basic thing god made it to do. You’re worthless. Sucking up air that could be used on someone contributing to the world. No matter what anyone says you will always be the biggest failure in this world. You. Are. Nothing.”

I felt someone tapping on my shoulder and I tightened myself into a ball, “Go away Sami.”

The tapping continued and I reached out grasping an unfamiliar hand. My eyes snapped open and were met with concerning, piercing olive eyes. The eyes I stared at for hours on my TV. The eyes I wrote about in hundreds of thousands of words online.

As soon as my eyes opened he withdrew his hand and my heart sank further into darkness, “I told you. He will never want to touch your disgusting body.” The snide voice of my inner self whispered.

“(Y/N), please hear me out. Please for five minutes just listen to my side.” He sat across from me leaving a foot of distance between us.

I nodded looking up as Sami gently touched his shoulder, “I will be just outside if you need me.”

He waited for the door to close to start talking. His large hands rubbing against his cotton covered thighs.

“I started reading your masterlist on Tumblr and couldn’t get enough of your stories. I didn’t know exactly how to work Tumblr so Misha showed me how. I noticed you don’t get a lot of notes and I wanted everyone to notice you. I started sharing your work with everyone after sending you that message.”

He paused for a moment as I fidget with the hem of my shirt, “Why did you message me?”

His smile was more radiant in person, “It’s just as I said. I loved your work and I wanted to be friends. However, the more I got to know you… the more I wanted to meet you in person. I knew that would be problematic.”

“Yeah, you could say that.” I scoffed looking down to my hands.

He inhaled a deep breath, “You connect with Dean Winchester the same way I do. To find someone like that is a once in a lifetime chance. I want someone who I can gush over Dean with because soon I won’t be hanging out with him as much and he’s the best imaginary friend I’ve ever had.”

Seeing Jensen open himself up to me was creating a battle of mind and body within me. He was just as nervous as I was to open up to someone else. Suddenly, I did not feel so alone in my isolation. My hand trembled as I reached over placing it atop of his.

“Dean Winchester saved my life and I don’t mean that figuratively. I was on the verge of leaping into darkness when I found him getting Sammy to find their dad. I found the strength to carry on because I knew that was what Dean would do. I found that being broken wasn’t a bad thing but something that could drive you to keep working. Dean helped me to feel again when I had become numb to the world around me.”

His eyes shined as I spoke trying to hold back his own tears, “I’m glad he could be there for you when you needed him the most.”

“Then you came into my life when I least expected it.” I whispered as I squeezed his hand.

My mind was screaming at me to get as far away from him as I possibly could. To call out to Sami to make him leave and move out of the state disappearing from the world. However, my body was urging me to jump into his arms. To open myself up to him as he had done with me. I felt like a spring coil ready to snap. My mind was holding my body back waiting for my consciousness to make a decision.

And she did.

I launched myself into his arms startling him as we crashed to the floor. His arms instinctively wrapped around me as mine encircled his neck. The door flew open as Sami came rushing in as Jensen’s laughter filled the room. I hugged him tighter to me as he tightened his grip around me.

“Oh my god… (Y/N), you’re hugging him.”

I did not need to open my eyes to know tears were slipping down my best friend’s cheeks. Her voice was thick with utter joy and amazement.

“Does this hug mean that you don’t hate me?” His question caught me off guard.

Jensen’s hands kept me in place as he sat up swinging my legs across his. My arms are still around his neck not wanting to lose the connection. Now that my body was against his, it flooded with the strange feeling of desire. Sami joined them on the floor sitting cross legged in front of them.

“I don’t think I could ever hate you. Though I’m still upset you lied to me.” I rested my head on my arm and against the side of his neck.

Feeling him sigh and seeing Sami grinning, I knew this was a big moment for all of us. We sat on the floor for another hour talking before Jensen had to go back to his room to get ready for the day. Neither of us wanted to let go of the other. He hugged me one last time before walking out of the suite. When I turned around I was immediately engulfed into another hug.

“I’m so proud of you!” Sami squealed.

“Thanks, I think…” My sentence drifted and she pulled away from me.

I walked back toward the bed and flopped face first onto it. I felt her crawl up on the bed beside me knowing me well enough to give me space.

“Talk it out, (Y/N). What are you feeling?”

My cheeks burned from the first feeling to pop into my head, “I feel warm, anxious, happy...” I paused gathering the courage to say the last word, “desire.”

“I’m sorry, what was that last one?” Sami eagerly asked.

I sat up, “Desire.” Saying the very word felt weird.

She began to clap and raised her hands in the air, “Praise the lord!”

“Don’t get all weird about it. I don’t know what any of this means. My body is tingling…”

Sami interrupted, “I bet it does…”

“Shut up, mostly not in that way. I don’t know how to act around other people anymore. What is too much touching? What is too little? What does a hug mean? I have too many questions and all the answers just walked out the door.”

I looked over as my phone chimed seeing a message from Ross, “I guess I need to change that now.” I murmured as I pulled up his message.

“First, thank you for trusting me with a hug. It means the world to me. I wanted to know if you wanted to have an early lunch with me? We could eat in my room or restaurant or your room with Sami. Whatever you are most comfortable with. Let me know.”

I held my phone up for Sami to read and she jumped off the bed, “You can have our room. I will go entertain myself by the pool.”

I texted him back that he could come to my room as Sami began tossing clothes out on the bed, “What are you doing?”

“Finding you the perfect outfit. Now go shower so I can play dress up with you.” She clapped her hands excitedly as I groaned loudly.

Looking in the mirror again, I pulled at the shirt clingy to every soft, round surface of my waist. I pushed my stomach watching as it bounced back into place like jello. Turning to the side, I sucked as many rolls as I could inward, holding my breath. The air rushed from my lips as a knock came from the door. Making my way towards it, I grabbed my zip-up hoodie slipping my arms in it quickly.

“Hi.” The word came out more breathlessly than I wanted.

My inner voice whispering, “Yeah fatty, let him know that walking across the room makes you lose your breath.”

“Hey there, I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and grabbed lunch for us.” Jensen held up a paper bag from a local sandwich spot.

As he walked in, I took a moment to truly admire him. He looked like a male model in his tight dark jeans, black boots, dark olive Henley and sunglasses resting on top of his unruly, sandy brown hair. His smooth voice caught my attention.

“You could take a picture and it would last longer.” He chuckled sitting down on the couch and laying out their lunch.

I sat on the opposite side of him as far away as I could. Even though my body desperately wanted to be closer to him, I kept my distance not pushing my mental capacity. He glanced over a hint of disappointment in his eyes seeing me so far away.

Jensen slid a sandwich towards me, “I remember you telling me that you love ham and swiss with tomato.”

“Thank you.” I unwrapped the sandwich and grabbed a bag of chips.

We ate in silence as a strange tension built between us. My stomach churning to the point I could no longer eat. I would look over to him out of the corner of my eye to find his eyes drifting over me. I wrapped my hoodie around me instinctively trying to hide the imperfections.

“There’s no hoodie big enough to hide your ugliness.” The familiar voice whispered.

I shook my head when I heard music playing, looking back to Jensen. He smiled sheepishly as he set his phone on the table.

“I thought maybe some background noise would help,” He stood up clearing the food from the table then stood in front of me with his hand out, “Trust me?”

His eyes were shining from the afternoon rays of sun coming from the window and his lips were spread in a gentle smile. I exhaled slowly allowing all the tension to leave my body and placed my hand in his. He pulled me up from the couch taking my hands and placing them behind his neck. His large hands slid down my sides to my hips and I flinched.

“You do know that you’re beautiful, right?” He whispered swaying my body with the music.

I shook my head, “I’m really not. Ordinary at best.”

Jensen lifted my chin, piercing (Y/C/E) meeting , “You are far from ordinary, (Y/N).”

“You’re just being kind.” I looked away as he slowly turned us in a circle.

The music continued but Jensen stopped moving, “I have so many questions but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or have you running to the hills.”

“Questions for me? Surely, you have better things to do with your time other than sitting inside with me. Don’t you have fans to entertain?” I smirked.

He chuckled, “Lucky for you, I happen to have the day off. I normally spend the day with my family. However this year they all ditched me.”

I mockingly acted shocked, “Oh no! You poor thing.”

His eyes narrowed in on me before laughing, “My mom and dad are somewhere in Spain enjoying their anniversary gift. My sister decided a girls trip with her best friends was better than hanging with me for the day. My brother is always busy with his family. You’re stuck with me.”

“I guess there’s worse ways to spend my day. Okay, ask away but I’m not promising I’ll answer them all.”

Jensen led me back to the couch, but kept ahold of my hand as we sat back down. He laced his long fingers with mine. His thumb brushing over my knuckle. I settled back against the couch once again wrapping my hoodie around me.

“What were you thinking when I put my hands on your hips earlier?”

I bit my lower lip, “I was mortified that you were touching my squish rolls of skin. I was thinking you must be disgusted by it.”

“Wow…” He squeezed my hand, “Whoever he was he really did a number on you. If I ask his name and address would you be against me and Jared beating the crap out of him?”

A genuine burst of laughter echoed in the room, “He’s really not worth it. Plus, he is much happier with his life now and that’s all that matters. He deserves to be happy.”

I was surprised to see Jensen face scrunched up in anger, “But you don’t?” He leaned in slightly, his features softening.

“No, I don’t.” The words came out without even a second thought and seeing Jensen recoil from them as if they had slapped him in the face twisted my heart.

His tongue darted out over his lips and the electrical energy between us sparked wildly, “You’re wrong. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Any man who told you otherwise is no man at all.”

He was leaning in closer, his eyes never leaving mine. My heart pounding in my ears and my body urging me to meet him in the middle. His forehead pressed against mine and his nose caressed mine.

“I’m going to kiss you.” he whispered.

“I don’t think I remember how to kiss back.” The pathetic confession was followed by a wayward tear slipping down my cheek.

His soft, full lips pressed gently against mine. My mind searched for the file within the long abandoned cabinets for how to kiss someone. He pulled away for a split second only to return his lips to mine. I found my lips pushing against his out of basic instinct. Our lips melded together for a moment before I felt him smile against mine.

His hands cupping my face, “I think it will all come back to you easier than you may think.”

I took in a deep breath letting it out in a short burst, “I think you believe in me too much for only meeting me a few hours ago.”

Jensen was still holding my face as he leaned back, “Other than Jared and Mish, I have never felt closer to anyone, but you.”

“You have your work cut out for you then,” I pointed to my head, “because it’s a nightmarish mess up in here.���

He leaned in kissing me once again, “You are worth every second of being with you because you’re stunning, smart, talented, caring and most of all you’re beautiful inside and out.”

I stared up at him speechless as my inner guard laid down her shield, “I like this one.”

“No… no one has ever said that about me. I-I don’t know what to say or how to react.” I stammered, unable to comprehend what he said.

He smiled widely, “Get used to that feeling because I’m preparing for you to feel that way a lot. Now, I don’t want to test your boundaries too much so I think we should hang out here and watch a movie.”

Jensen moved to the end of the couch resting his arm along the back of it and propping his feet on the table. For the first time in forever, there were no inner voices to keep me from doing what I desperately wanted. I moved over next to him resting my back into his side and stretching my legs out to the other end of the couch. His arm draped over the front of my chest and his fingertips brushed against my side.

This time there was no flinching and I smiled at the small victory.

The rest of the weekend was like a dream. Seeing the convention backstage, meeting all the rest of the other actors on the show and most of all Jensen’s constant touch comforted me throughout it all. Sami beaming with pride as I pushed myself to be in the crowd for the concert on Saturday. When Sunday came, I found myself riddled with sadness knowing I would have to leave this magical weekend behind.

Sami had decided to go back to the hotel while I waited for Jensen to finish his autographs. I had noticed Clif, the boys’ friend and bodyguard, staying close by me. When the last fan left the autograph room, he motioned for me to follow him. Entering the room, I found Jensen with his head down on his table while Jared and Misha were fooling around at theirs.

Walking up, I slid my hands over his shoulders and began rubbing the knots out of them. A small groan escaping his lips sent a wave of desire over my body. I moved my hands down his back eagerly wanting to hear him again.

“Hey, if you’re giving free massages away I’ll take one!” Jared called out.

Jensen’s head snapped up, “Don’t even think about it Padalecki. Her hands are too precious for your sweaty self.”

I chuckled as he stood up letting my hands drift down his back. I knew he was fit but his body was firm and lean in all the right spots. As he moved away I found my fingers stretching out to touch him again. All weekend I had found myself craving his touch. My mind was obsessively thinking about his hand in mine or my arms around his waist or his hands gripping my hips. My cheeks felt like they were on fire and I heard him chuckle.

“You okay? You kind of spaced out for a moment.”

I nodded smiling, “I’m great. Just thinking was all.”

“Well come on, you and I can grab something to eat then hang out in my room.” His arm slipped around my shoulders and instantly I relaxed into his embrace.

Dinner was unexpectedly crashed by Jared and Misha tagging along. We found a twenty-four hours diner near the hotel that was nearly empty and we all spent a few hours talking, laughing. I could not help the sadness creeping over me as the minutes passed by. Minutes I was losing to have Jensen to myself. As if he read my mind he excused us to head back to the hotel.

We walked in silence, hand in hand. Stepping into the elevator, he pulled me into his side and I wrapped my arms around his waist. His room was on the opposite end of the same hall as mine. Stepping inside, the door clicking shut as we stood across from one another. It was like a shotgun going off as Jensen closed the distance between us. His hands sliding down my body as his mouth crashed to mine.

As suddenly as it happened, it was over.

“I’m sorry… shit. (Y/N) I’m really sorry.” His pleads confused me for a moment.

Breathing heavily as he stepped back further from me I blurted out, “W-Why are you apologizing? D-Did I do something wrong?”

His dark forest eyes snapped up, “You do something… you didn’t do anything but be you, (Y/N). I just couldn’t stop myself. This weekend has been the best one in my life. Being around you, holding your hand, kissing you has rejuvenated me. I just want more of you, all of you. Simple looks you give, the way you hold yourself and the moment you open yourself up to reach out to me. I just found myself unable to hold back anymore. I know…”

This time it was me who closed the distance between us. My lips crashing into his. My hands running up his broad chest and into his soft hair. The soft moan escaping my lips as we parted.

“I want you to have me…” I whispered in between breaths, “I’m nervous with a bunch of what ifs running in my head.”

“Do you trust me?” The corner of his lip curling upward.

“Yes.”

Jensen took my hand leading me into the bedroom of his suite. He gently picked me up and sat me on the bed. He knelt in front of me, slipping my shoes from my feet then pulling my socks off. His thumbs pressing into the bottom of my feet as I began to giggle.

“Oh… now that is an amazing sound. I must hear that again.” He smirked, tickling my feet.

I fell back in a fit of giggles as Jensen’s laughter joined mine. I leaned up on my elbows looking down at Jensen resting his chin on my knee. He lifted his brows asking permission and I nodded. His hands drifted over my calves, up to my knees and over my thighs.

“You have incredible legs. I found myself staring at them as you would walk in front of me with Sami. Wondering how they would feel beneath my hands.” He gently squeezed them near my hips.

His knee pressed into the mattress between my legs as his firm body hovered over mine. My fingers brushed against the hem of his shirt pushing it up and hesitantly touching his stomach. Jensen sucked in a quick breath as his hands paused on his hips. I focused on the feeling of his smooth, warm skin beneath my fingertips. His flat stomach is surprisingly soft.  

I grasped the end of his shirt pulling it towards his head as he pulled back allowing it over his head. Taking it from my hands, he tossed it on the floor. I took in every inch of his skin from his muscles flexing to the freckles decorating it.

“You beautiful, you know that?” I did not think he heard me until I saw the smug smirk on his face.

He leaned down kissing me, “Stealing my lines, sweetheart.”

His hands went back to my hips as his lips left a trail of kisses down my neck, “You think that your softness is revolting, but I find it inviting.”

I froze as his hand pushed up into my shirt touching my stomach. I squirmed as he pushed my shirt up just under my bra. My hands threading through his hair as his lips pressed small kisses against my stomach.

“Jensen…” The tension in my tone caught his attention.

His eyes filled with worry, “Too much?”

I took a few deep breaths and shook my head, “I’m fine, promise.”

“See there you go, being brave and pushing yourself. You have no idea how sexy that is.” He murmured against my skin.

As Jensen’s mouth neared the waistband of my jeans, I tugged his hair motioning for him to come back up to her. He smiled randomly kissing spots along my body. His lips finally met mine as I slid my arms around him. His tongue swiped across my bottom lip as they parted for him. His gentleness and care to make me comfortable broke down the last existing wall of defense.

Their kiss deepened. My body burned with a need to feel Jensen’s skin against mine and to be close to him in every way physically possible. Foreign pressure began to simmer deep within me and I lifted my hips pressing them against his thigh.

He pulled away his eyes blown with passion searching mine for an answer to a silent question.

“Please… take away everything he did. I want to feel whole again.” I pleaded just above a whisper.

His lips were on mine again as he gently lifted me up further onto his bed. Sitting up, I pulled my shirt over my head holding it in front of me for a brief moment. His eyes watching my every move as I tossed it over the side. He reached behind me with one hand unclasping my bra in one swift movement.

I kissed his collarbone as he leaned in to do so, “Show off.”

He chuckled before leaning back and allowing me at my pace to unveiling my bare chest to him. I slid the straps down my arms holding it in place before playfully tossing it at him chuckling. Joking had always been my way of dealing with uncomfortable moments. When I looked up his eyes were drifting down my bare upper body.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He smirked as I rolled my eyes at him, “Seriously, (Y/N)... you’re absolutely stunning.”

He ran his hand down my chest, between my breasts and down to my jeans. He undid the button and slowly drew down the zipper. Hooking his fingers with a belt loops dragging my jeans down my legs. I shivered as the cool air hit my skin. Jensen tossed them off to the side then began to place gentle, open mouth kisses up my leg.

My breaths were coming out in small little puffs the further up my leg he got. His mouth hovered over her cotton cover mound inching closer to it. My teeth dug into my lip desperately wanting him to press them against me. Instead he kept his path up my body stopping at my breasts. He cupped the side of one running his thumb over my nipple.

A long sigh escaping my lips from just the slightest touch from him, “O-Oh… Jensen…” His mouth had gently suckled my other nipple, the pressure turning to an ache between my legs.

“You have no idea hearing my name from your lips does to me.” He softly said before circling my nipple with his tongue.

Feeling bold, I slid my hand down between us running it along the hard bulge being restrained by denim. Jensen sucked in a sharp breath dropping his head between my breasts, “Shit…”

“I believe I have some kind of an idea.” I smiled as he grinded himself against my palm.

He stood up at the edge of the bed, his intense stare making me tremble with anticipation. Leaning forward, his fingers hooked the sides of her cotton panties and pulled them down until they were on the floor.

“Exquisite, flawless, perfect.”

“As are you.” I sat up until I was sitting on the edge in front of him.

My hands trembled as I unbuttoned his jeans and carefully unzipped them. Jensen let out a soft hiss as I brushed against his length. His hands cupped my face pulling my lips to his urgently kissing me. I pushed his jeans and boxers down as far as I could before he pushed me back onto the mattress. His hand drifting down my body until his fingers pressed against my folds.

“Jensen, please…” I begged needing to feel any kind of relief from the pressure pulsating from between my legs, “Ohhh… god.”

Jensen began to rub lazy circles against my clit. My hips grinding against his hand as his lips pressed just below my ear, “Are you okay?”

His question sober me from the drunken stupor of desire and I placed my hand over his pushing down further, “More than okay.”

Jensen pushed one long finger deep inside me with a hiss, “Fuck pretty girl, your so tight.” He slowly pushed a second finger inside.

My head pressed against the mattress, my back arching as he pumped his thick fingers in me, “More, oh please Jensen, I need more.”

His pace picked up and I looked up to his face. His eyes wide and dark watching me come undone as his thumb rubbed harshly against my throbbing clit, “Jensen!” I cried out overwhelming pleasure wrecked through my body.

Breathing heavily, my body shaking slightly as he pulled his fingers from me, “Now that was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

A slow grin spread across my face as I pulled his mouth to mine. He positioned himself between my legs pulling away slightly, his lips grazing against mine.  

“Are you sure? We can stop if you want.” Jensen’s tone was tense as I felt his length resting against my folds.

I kissed him, “I need you. All of you.”

He braced himself up with one arm as his hand slipped between us. Jensen ran the swollen head along my slickness before nudging it against my entrance. The room filled with groans and heavy breaths as Jensen slowly sheathed himself within me. There was a singe of pain as I stretched taking him his thick length but quickly was replaced with immense pleasure as he thrusted gently into me.

“So. Tight.” He panted against my cheek.

I wrapped my arms and legs around him digging my heels into him. Each stroke pushing me further to the edge. Feeling every muscle straining along his back and arms. His head buried in the crook of my neck grunting almost painfully. I knew then he was holding back.

I pressed my lips to his ear, “Jensen, I won’t break. You’re making me feel incredible, but I want you to let go. Show me how I make you feel.”

A low growl rumbled from his chest as he nipped at my neck and his hips snapped against me. The echoes of our skin meeting, loving praises and the headboard against the wall filled the room. I started to meet each thrust of his, the coil within me ready to snap. His hands were gripping my shoulders holding me against his burning body. I clung to him scraping my nails against his back making him growl again.

“Shit Jensen, I’m so close. Just a little more, oh god please!” I beg as he thrusted into me feverishly small grunts coming from him, “Yes, yes, oh… Jensen!”

My whole body was shaking as an intense wave of euphoria covered me. Pulsating around him, he abandoned all control chasing his own release.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He gritted his teeth as his body went rigid before slamming into me his length twitching deep within me, “Holy shit…”

Jensen rode out his release, his arms shaking to the point he could not hold himself up anymore. I groaned as he pulled out leaving me empty. He rolled onto his back breathing heavily as I curled into his side burying my head into his chest.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” His concern only made me cling to him more.

I shook my head, “No, I’m just overwhelmed. Too many feelings at once.”

“Talk it out. Tell me what you’re feeling.” Jensen wrapped his arms around me holding me close.

I took a deep breath, “I’m feeling exhilaration, bliss, pleasure. Right now, I’m feeling empty and it’s almost like I can’t breath. I feel scared by how much I need to feel your touch.”

His fingers were drawing small circles against my bare back, “If that’s your way of asking for round two, you’re going to have to wait for a little bit. I haven’t come like that since I was a teenager.”

There was a brief moment of silence before I started to laugh. My body shaking from the laughter pouring from my lips. I kissed his chest, “Thank you.”

“You never need to thank me. It’s my honor to make you laugh. Bring your pleasure. Praise you for your beautifulness. More importantly, always holding you close to me.”

I entwined my legs with his as he pulled the sheet over our naked bodies. Just when I thought he was about to fall asleep, I slipped my hand over his soft member then pressed my lips just under his chin.

“Round two?”

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[thesunnyshow]

Name: Juliet

Writing Blog URL(s): @wonderlustlucas

Nationality: American

Languages: English, beginner level French, teeny tiny bit of Korean

Star Sign: Virgo

MBTI: ISFJ-T

Favorite color: Pastel yellow

Favorite food: My mom’s Sunday gravy

Favorite movie: Howl’s Moving Castle (The Lion King is a close second though)

Favorite ice cream flavor: Specifically Turkey Hill’s Double Dunker (get it— it’s so good)

Favorite animal: Humpback whale

Go-to karaoke song: She’s Kinda Hot by 5 Seconds of Summer

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): Neurosurgeon! Or a Twitch streamer HAHA

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering?  Ahhh probably coffee, I love tea but I need my coffee </3

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? Shapeshifting! Clearly the superior superpower I don’t take constructive criticism.

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? This is weirdly specific, but I would love to be in Scotland during the 1700’s. Alternatively, the 1980’s.

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? 100%. I know everything happens for a reason but getting a redo and being able to fix all the big mistakes I made would be pretty nice.

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? One horse-sized chicken! 100 tiny horses would be crazy tiring.

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? I would probably be the gay side character that gives good emotional advice but is hella lonely LMAO

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? Yes, both!

What are some small things that make your day better? Driving with the windows down and music blasting, picking up coffee, playing video games, & talking to my internet friends on Discord.

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? I discovered my love for writing through Warrior Cats roleplay😭

What fandom(s) do you write for? Right now, only Kpop, but I wouldn’t mind writing for 5SOS or some of my other fandoms!

When did you post your first piece? On WattPad, December 2015. On Tumblr, April 2018 :)

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? I write everything! Fluff/smut/crack is my favorite and slight angst (usually just slow burn though cus I’m soft).

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? Again, I write anything and everything! Currently, second or third person reader inserts are my main style, but I also do ships and would love to write more OCs.

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? Before Tumblr, I was on WattPad for different fandoms but eventually fell off. Then, when I got into Kpop in 2017, I found that urge to write again and decided to move to Tumblr since WattPad was becoming… weird. Plus Tumblr was a better fit for me!

What inspires you to write? To be completely honest, it’s the little things throughout the day that inspire me. For example, “Honey” was inspired by me not being able to open my locker in high school. “I Hemoglobin You” was based off my friend giving me a head rub while I was donating blood. Kpop idols just so happen to be my muses that I like to put into random moments of inspiration!

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? High school or college AUs are my favorite, along with some good ol’ friends to lovers slow burn. Angst isn’t my forte so I usually just stick to fluff, smut, and some crack. I haven’t written any but fantasy AUs are some of my favorites too! (RIP to my League of Legends AU that I started and haven’t touched in months.)

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? Just like other fanfiction authors inspire me, I hope some of my work inspires others. Considering fanfiction is free, there is so much out there to read and when I find a good story that inspires ME to write better, I’d love for my writing to do the same.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? 3 options: 1) Skip that scene and jump ahead to one I’m excited to write; 2) Erase what part I’m on and completely redo it; or 3) Drop it. The majority of my works usually take a few months to write as I will completely stop working on it until I find the right inspiration again. 

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? “Four” is definitely my favorite work. It’s one of my longer pieces and there was a lot of raw emotion in there on my end. I love the relationship between Hyunjin and the reader and especially love the ending. “Greatest Gift” for Chanyeol is my most successful, and one of my other favorites!

Who is your favorite person to write about? Easily Hwang Hyunjin. It’s so easy to place him in any of my works, and sometimes it’s a struggle to NOT write him. It sounds stupid but sometimes I really feel like I “know” him so being able to describe him physically and mentally is easy for me.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? Yes and no. Yes, because most of the time, fanfiction is totally original as well and requires just as much thought as a 400,000 word novel. No, because fanfiction uses a specific person as a muse.

What do you think makes a good story? Detail and realistic dialogue! Of course, everyone has their own style of writing, but detail is especially important to me. Sure, you can have a great plot, but having concise, detailed writing to get immersed into makes a story so much better. I also find realistic dialogue to be a big deal— I hate when teenage characters are speaking in deep analogies because, if we’re being honest, my daily language is 95% just “Bruh.” If you’re like me, I’d actually prefer realistic dialogue over anything else.

What is your writing process like? Process… yikes. Sometimes… I have a random thought and then I’m like… hell yeah let’s write that. I actually have no process. I don’t outline, I just start writing and keep writing until I’m finished. Then I’ll read it all over to make edits, then I’ll use the Read Aloud feature to catch any mistakes I missed, then I’ll run it through Grammarly before posting!

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? Hm, maybe? In the future, possibly, but as of right now I wouldn’t use any of my fics to do so.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? Oh, gosh, tropes. Gotta love them. Friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, stuck together (AKA forced to share a bed), and fake relationships are my favorites. They may be corny, but I also love truth or dare or 7 minutes in heaven games in fics cus… they’re just classics. Also love fics with a popular x shy pairing. I can’t say I dislike many tropes, but I definitely have a love/hate relationship with vampire and werewolf tropes because of how romanticized they are.

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? Hm, to be completely honest, only a little bit? I mainly write for myself, it’s like a guilty pleasure to just get all my thoughts and desires out, and then I just so happen to make it public on Tumblr. Nevertheless, receiving comments and asks actually make my day, and sometimes I still struggle to wrap my mind around people enjoying my writing! So, thank you to everyone who has ever left me a kind message, I truly appreciate it ♥

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? Getting involved! I think one of the best ways to grow is to join networks, which not only gives you the opportunity to share your work on a greater scale, but also allows you to make connections. Like real life, making connections and making friendships with other writers can play a huge role in growing as a writer and growing your account.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? Yes :( As someone who’s involved with other fandoms, I’ve heard the way some people think of fanfiction and it’s really sad. People do not know how much goes into writing and just see it as cringey and disgusting when it’s just… not.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? Yes! In all its forms, art is something a creator can use to influence their audience (in a good way, hopefully).

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? Like I said in #40, I mainly write for myself. Even when I’m writing a request, chances are if I like the request enough I’m going to create a story out of it that fits my personal desires the most.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?  No! However, I’d still consider myself a small account and do not have TOO many works posted. But so far, I don’t think I’ve faced this problem :)

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? Only a few! My best friend Maggie is on Tumblr with me and only 2 of my other pals know I write fanfiction.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? How much I love each and every one of them for supporting me and sticking around even when I won’t post for months🥺❤️

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? Don’t psych yourself out! In the time I’ve spent on Tumblr, I’ve never received any substantial hate. My main advice is don’t write fanfiction to get popular on the app, write fanfiction because you love to write and love your muses!

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? No, as much as Tumblr can be annoying at times, I love the people I’ve met and the content I’ve found and wouldn’t have wanted to use any other platform.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? @pinktea99 — Mo, you’ve been around since the beginning honestly, and without you I wouldn’t have been able to come out of my shell! Thank you for all your love & support & for being my SF9 buddy❤️

Pick a quote to end your interview with: 

“Like mate, stop procrastinating.” — 3RACHA

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL 

[acidproofnotebook]

One-Punch Man Chapter 84, Update 125

As published online

Date:

Translator: u/hdx514

Rough page by page translations for those who don't want to wait. I'm skipping most pages with only sound effects.

Title page

Not lonely, but a solitary one

Pages 2-5

Bang wrecking Garou

Page 6

Genos: perfect moves that combine attack and defense into one

Ge: even though both use the same water stream rock smashing fists, the difference in master is night and day

Ge: the battle about to reach its conclusion

Page 7-11

Garou continues to get wrecked

Page 12

Garou: w…what is this

Ga: these vicious attacks are nothing like damn geezer’s style…

Page 13

Ga: bad…this is bad

Ga: my consciousness is…

Ga: it means…death…

Ga: Ahhhh

Page 14

Bang: what is that strange movement

Ba: where did he learn it?

Ba: he’s moving like a beast

Ga: I’m not done yet!

Page 15

Ga: if I use the fallen heroes as hostages, there might still be a way out!!

Bomb: I won’t let you

Page 16

Monsters get sliced up

Page 17 Bomb: Bang, we finished the monsters from the hole in the ground

Bo: it’s just Garou now

Page 18

Genos: life signals from monsters still remain

Ge: not sure why, but I cannot accurately assess their location or numbers

Ge:if we go down that hole, will we find the Monsters Association hideout?

Pheonix man: The Monster Association members were all killed? Damn, they really are unreliable.

Page 19

Phoenix man: even though we deployed significant forces to capture Garou alive

Ph: that Demon Cyborg…the power he possesses is unbelievable

Ph: even Silver Fang is here, there’s no chance we get Garou away from here

Ph: but if I leave empty handed after this crushing defeat, I might get eaten by Orochi

Page 20

Ph: regardless, I can only hope Garou can escape on his own …

Ph: ...what a desperate situation… Ph: does this mean I have to plan an exit strategy from MA…?

Ba: (referring to Bomb) if you were this badly injured, could you still be standing?

Bo: …if I were 60 years younger, I might be able to tough it out

Bo: …maybe

Bo: we’re almost there!!! Let’s finish him before the other heroes arrive!

Ba: roger

Page 21

Ga: can’t even move my wrists…

Ga: attacking your former number 1 disciple when he’s at his weakest, how despicable of you, Bang

Page 22

Ga: this other geezer, isn’t he Bomb, master of the whirlwind iron cutting fist?

Ga: to think the two reclusive masters of the martial arts world would gang up on me, shameless

Ga: even if I pretend to beg for my life, Demon Cyborg still won’t spare me

Ga: If I want to survive this crisis, I have to kill all three

Page 23

Ga (or Bang?): it’s impossible

Ba: do you know how much pain you have caused my number one disciple Charanko

Ba: Garou!!

Page 24

Garou flashback

Kids: let’s play a hero game!

Kids: you too, Garou

Kids: c’mon let’s play

Garou: huh, sure

Page 25

Kid: drum roll~~

Kid: justice man is here!

Kid: justice kick

Kid: aah it hurts!

Page 26

Ga: hey that’s dangerous

Kid: huh?

Ga: I feel bad (for the kid playing monster)

Kid: …how about you play the monster

Kid: justice cross

Ga: waa (steps out of the way)

Kid: what’s wrong with you?

Ga: s…sorry, Tatsu

Kid: I almost had you

Kids: what’s your problem, you’re a monster, you’re not supposed to do that

Kids: let’s pin him down

Kids: okay-

Page 27

Kid: justice man kick!

Kid: monster Garou defeated~

Ga: what is this, pre-death flashbacks?

Ga: these memories disgusts me

Ga: that kid…right, I remember him…Tatsu, that popular kid

Page 28

Kids: hey, what’s going on? Why are you fighting?

Kids: shall I call the teacher?

Kids: Garou is being violent

Kids: we were only playing, but he got mad! What’s his problem

Ga: I….I can’t take it any more!

Ga: come Tatsu, me vs. you, let’s figure it out

Tatsu: ha? What are you talking about, I thought we were just playing

Page 29

Ga:  I DON’T want to play monster! It’s no fun at all!

Ga: let’s duke it out, if I win you stop bugging me, that’s the deal!

Tat: Sabu, Yotsu, hold Garou down

Ga: despicable….stop…let go! I…

Ga: aah…damn it!

Kids: he’s crazy, let’s call the teacher

Kids: run Tatsu

Kids: pin him down, pin him down!

Kids: what happened?

Kids: you guys should come and help

Kids: Tatsu was being nice and Garou took advantage of him

Kids: he’s the worst

Kids: Garou got serious with Tatsu all of a sudden while playing the game

Kids: what’s this guy even thinking

Kids: I feel so bad for Tatsu

Page 30

Tatsu is a king among the kids, Tatsu is a bully, Tatsu is nasty

I’m in the dark, always alone I have no friends

Tatsu is a good athlete, Tatsu is popular

I despise the popular ones

not sure of the order of the following dialogue

Teacher: why did you get violent?

Te: I heard you got mad while playing a hero game, is that true?

Te: can you not even tell the difference between a game and reality!

Ga: no teacher, it’s because Tatsu is so popular that everyone is badmouthing me

Te: you were the violent one, weren’t you? What if a window got broken, how are you going to pay for that!

Ga: Tatsu always…always treats me like a monster

Ga: NO!

Page 31

Ga: I don’t dislike playing the monster

Ga: am I holding a grudge against Tatsu for playing the hero?

Ga: no, that’s not it either

Ga: it’s just that playing the hero game has made me realize how absurd it is

Ga: the one who’s popular can bully the one who’s hated however he wants

Te: you are in the wrong, apologize now

Te: call your parents

Ga: this is not just bullying, this is a faithful, real life adaption of a kids’ game that is accepted by the public.

Ga: you are free to choose your role, but the ones who ends up playing hero must have the support of the people, how could that ever be me.

Ga: naturally, the script in which the one playing monster scores the victory doesn’t exist in the first place. I was destined to lose.

Page 32

Ga: what is justice! What is evil!

Ga: at the end of the day it’s just following the will of the masses, and the masses wants me dead!

Ga: unforgivable! There is no logic!

Ga: I can’t explain the reason behind it, but it makes me mad!

Ga: I will make you understand! Ga: I will deliver my punch on behalf of the disenfranchised!

Ga: and I reject your notion of good and evil!

Page 33

Genos: he fell

Bang: it’s over

Page 34

Ga: no way it ends at a place like this!

Page 35

Garou shatters earth

Page 36

Bang/Bomb: what?!

Page 37-39

Garou lifts tree and swings it

Bo: this is bad, his body…

Ba: what’s with this burst of power?!

Page 40

Bang: don’t you realize it yet Garou!

Ba: if you keep going like this, you really will die!

Ge: Bang, above you!

Page 41-42

Phoenix man lands and grabs Garou

Page 43

Bo: more monsters!?

Ba: there’re still a few left!!!

Page 44

Ba: !

Ba: Genos-kun

Ge: Bang, you saw that just now, didn’t you

Ge: that thing has become monster, it even befriended one

Ge: I trust that you won’t object if I shoot both of them down

Page 45

Phoenix man (calling to Elder Centipede): Can you hear me!!?

Ph: I have Garou

Ph: just finish these guys off!

Ph: I’m leaving the rest to you!!

Bo: ???

Page 46-47

Ge: spiral incineration cannon

Ph: Elder Centipede

Page 48-50

Elder Centipede emerges and tanks Genos’ cannon fire

Page 51

Bo/Ba/Ge: What was that!?

Page 52-53

Elder Centipede breaking ground

Page 54-55

Disaster level: dragon

Giant monster insect Elder Centipede

Page 56

Bo: w..what…

Bo: is this a living thing!!?

Ba: damn, we must protect them (the fallen heroes)

Page 57

Ba: up you go

Page 58

Bomb using whirlwind iron cutting fist to save the fallen heroes

Page 59

Ge: those life signals must have been caused by it…

Ge: it’s not that I wasn’t able to pinpoint its location, it’s simply too massive

[very long -- rest under cut]

Page 60

Ge: completely unharmed after taking the cannon fire

Ge/Bo/Ba (not sure who said it): an opponent that can easily break my wrists…

Garou (I think): that centipede…

Page 61

Ga: why did you come here?

Ph: don’t worry, Elder Centipede will handle the rest down there

Ph: that guy is a literal natural disaster that swallows everything

Ph: his indiscriminant power of destruction is truly shocking

Ph: an anti-climactic “hero hunt” as usual, wouldn’t you say?

Ph: you  can’t just knock them out, they must be eliminated permanently

Ph: heroes who are knocked out will be always come back bouncin’

Page 62

Ph: …you just rest easy

Ph: Elder Centipede will end it all

Ga: ! (starts struggling)

Ph: stop wasting your energy

Ga: those heroes are my prey

Ph: yo yo, stop moving!

Ga: damn you, let me go! Unforgivable!

Ph: hey hey, don’t get angry

Ph: it’s your fault you didn’t finish them off after all

Ph: plus, this is a golden opportunity for us to off 2 S-class heroes

Ph: the S-class heroes are the biggest threat to the Monsters Association

Page 63

Ph: you experienced it firsthand, didn’t you

Ph: there is such thing as battle compatibility

Ph: if our advisor Gyoro is right, in the entire Hero Association, there are only four who could take on Elder Centipede

Page 64

Ph: The wielder of unparalleled supernatural power, “tornado of terror”

Ph: The sole commander of a military force that’s beyond even HA’s control, “metal knight”

Page 65

Ph: The strongest human “King”

Ph: And…the one who almost killed Elder Centipede, the strongest hero, “Blast”

Page 66

Ph: Elder Centipede is working with Monsters Association in order to seek revenge against Blast

Ph: he just can’t wait to lure the hermit Blast back onto the battlefield

Ph: unfortunately…those two down there (Bang and Genos) do not possess the power to turn the tides in their favor

Ph: Silver Fang has obtained unmatched power through martial arts, but that only works on opponents of a similar size

Ph: Demon Cyborg’s capabilities are terrifying

Ph: but he carries nothing on-board that will threaten a monster of this size.

Ph: He cannot go beyond the destructive firepower of his weapons

Ph: that is the limit of Demon Cyborg

Page 67

Ph: with a lineup like that, they are surely doomed

Ge/Bo/Ba: It’s coming!!!

Page 68

Page 69-70

Elder Centipede charging against the three

Page 71-72

Ba/Bo: Whirlwind water stream air-blasting sky-splitting fist

Page 73-75

Impact, Elder Centipede cracking, Bang and Bomb posing

Page 76

Ge: what a technique (flashback of Bang and Bomb talking about their technique: it’s a killing blow, but it has openings, my understanding is they needed Genos’ attack to act as decoy in order for their combo to land, because it’s not yet perfect)

Ge: it even shattered such hardened shell…

Ge: this must be

Ge: the pinnacle of technique/skill

Page 77-78

Ba/Bo: it’s not over yet x 10

Page 79

Elder Centipede pushes Bang/Bomb back

Page 80

Ba: ouch…that was careless

Bo: but we got it

Bo: the impact will ravage its body

Bo: turn into powder, monster

Ba: for two old folks like us, using this grand technique once is our limit

Ba: great thing we landed

Ba: a little help, Genos

Page 81

Ba: it’s over

Page 82

Elder Centipede molting

Page 83

Ba: it can’t be

Page 84

Ba: this guy just molted!!!

Ba: and it’s even bigger than before!?

Ba: how could this be

Page 85

Bo: we cannot defeat that thing…!

Bo: and we need to protect the unconscious heroes…

Bo: what shall we do!? Bang!

Ba: it’ll catch up to us if we tried to run

Ba: this forest park is just outside the city limits …

Ba: if we leave we’ll get civilians involved

Page 86

Ge: Bang, I will fight it

Ge: try my best to lure the centipede over here

Ge: you guys grab the injured heroes and get out of here

Page 87

Ba: Genos kun

Ba: you want to go alone

Ba: can’t say I agree with this plan…

Bo: I know there’s little chance of success, but don’t be reckless

Bo: the future belongs to the youths

Genos’ flashback of Dr. Kuseno: whatever you do Genos, don’t be reckless

Page 88

Ge: am I really going to…

Ge: leave this monster be

Page 89-90

Ge: That is not

Ge: possible

Page 91-92

Genos fighting Elder Centipede

Page 93

Ba: this is madness

Ba: cannon fire cannot harm it

Page 94

Ge: whether it’s this thing

Ge: or the monster from yesterday (Gouketsu)

Page 95

Ge: or Garou

Ge: they’re all part of the Monsters Association

Ge: this fight

Ge: is unavoidable

Page 96-97

Genos attacking Elder Centipede from above

Page 98

Ge: Dual Blade Rush

Ge: that’s what you have to do to fight them

Page 99

Ge: I’m participating

Ge: destroy

Page 100

Ge: if this is me being reckless

Ge: !

Page 101

Ba/Bo: Genos kun!!!

Ge: at this rate, I’ll…

Page 102

OUT OF THE FIGHT

Page 103

Genos recombines

Page 104

Ge: Jets drive arrow

Page 105-106

Genos kicks Elder Centipede tooth, which cracks

Page 107

Ba/Bo: he’s inside its mouth

Elder: it’s over…

Page 108

Ge: ! digestive acid

Elder: I’ll melt you in a few seconds

Ge: it’s you who are going to melt

Page 109-110

Ge: Super Spiral Incineration Cannon

Page 111

Aftermath of Super Spiral Incineration Cannon

Page 112

Bo: …!!!

Ba: he finished it!!

Page 113

Elder Centipede tanks the hit, is fine

Page 114

Ge: at the end…

Ge: I am unable to…defeat…

Ge: nor able to protect…

Page 115

Ba: let’s get out of here

Ba: Bomb!

Ba: grab the rest of them!!

Elder: futile struggle

Ph: what’s the matter

Ph: you were still responsible for taking out half of the heroes, it can’t be that bad

Page 116

Ga: not like that!

Ga: This is not what I had hoped!!!

Ga: I…I wanted to beat them with my own strength!

Ga: only then I can be a symbol of terror…!!

Ga: that’s the purpose of the hero hunt!!!

Ph: symbol of terror? You? Hahahaha…

Ph: in your current state, if you went back there, you’ll just end up getting trampled to death with the rest of the heroes

Ph: right now, you do not possess the strength to disobey Elder Centipede or executive members of the Monsters Association

Page 117

Ga: crying…

Ga: sooner or later…I’ll show you what I’m capable of…

Ge: how could I…

Page 118

Ge: what am I missing…!?

Ge: are there several others like that?

Ge: in front of those monsters…

Ge: what can I do, besides look on with envy…?

Bo: Bang! This is bad

Bo: at this rate it’ll get outside the forest park!

Bo: there will be casualties in the city!!

Page 119

Bo: at this rate…I won’t be able to walk

Bo: how old do you think I am

Ba: I’ll leave it to fate…

Ba: brother

Page 120

Ba: for the last time in my life, I’ll give it my all

Page 121-122

King: Elder Centipede~!!!

K: yo! Pest!!!!!

K: I’ve brought your target – “Blast”!!!!

Page 123

Ba: !?

Ge: that voice…King!!?

Ge: Blast!?

Ba: what…!

Bo: !!!? Look!!

Bo: it’s stopped chasing and is going towards another direction

Page 124

Elder: Blast…?

King: thaat’s….riiiight!

K: the very one that beat the crap out of you and made you wet yourself, the hero Blast!!

K: if you want to fight him again, come over here!

K: why are you so scared you can’t move?! Straighten up!!! Hey, if you’re about to shit yourself you should go home!

K: a bug like you, you must want to run back underground and suck on your mom’s tits!!!!

Page 125

Association staff: King arrived at the location near S city where Elder Centipede has reemerged!!!

Staff: thank god! It’s King, he’ll have a solution…

Staff: …there are several other heroes onsite

Staff: when I warned him their battle might cause collateral damage and injure the innocent, he told me “I hope you could give me information that can provoke Elder Centipede”

S: he might have wanted to lure the monster to him and fight it one on one.

Page 126

Staff: it sustained grave injuries at the hands of Blast in the past, but escaped with his injuries underground

S: it would be great if we could finish it off this time…

S: even though it’s top secret information, I still told king the past between Blast and Elder Centipede

S: and explained to him if the battle were to become dragged out or increase in scope, it might causegreat disaster for the surrounding areas …

S: what did he say?

S: he just said “understood”.

The roar of the King Engine……

Page 127

K: luring it here so no one else gets involved…

K: finish it off with one shot before it escapes underground

K: damage must be contained…blowing it back into the city is not an option…

K: there’s very limited time to make your decision

K: that’s it

Page 128

K: …

K: …Saitama?

Page 129

K: Saitama~!!!?

K: it’s about to

Page 130

Shot of Elder Centipede charging

Page 131-138

SERIOUS PUNCH

Page 139

Saitama: ah

Page 140

Sai: Genos, is that you?

Page 141

Sai: you really are here

Sai: just like King said

K: by the skin of my teeth…that was a close call…

Sai: it’s all good, we’re here aren’t we

K: huh? Saitama, you sound…happy?

Sai: I feel awesome for some reason

Page 142

Sai: it’s a great stress release after getting owned by you in video games

K (thinking): it’s still bothering him …

K: that’s not it…I thought I told you it’s because of your inflexible, singular approach towards battles

Ge: Saitama sensei, can I ask you a question

Sai: what?

Ge: what am I missing?

Sai: huh

Sai: power, I guess?

Page 143

Ge: …!!!!

Ge: thank you very much

K: aaaaaaahhhhhh…that’s no good Genos…

K: you cannot use Saitama as reference

Ge: sensei has guided my path with his battle

Ge: the symbol of great strength, that is my goal…

Ge: I will be there

Page 144

Ph: Garou…he has finally lost consciousness

Ph: rest easy

Ph: we’ll soon be with Orochi

END

[lonelyandlovelorn]

Stood up

Genre: fluff, comfort

Warning: swearing, people are mean

Word Count: 2400

Pairing: Dean Winchester x plus size fem reader

Summary: As a bigger girl, dating has always been difficult. Thankfully, your favorite protector is there to cheer you up. 

Masterlist

You were pretty excited about your date. The man was no Dean Winchester (the man of your unrealistic dreams), but he was attractive and he seemed nice enough when you met him a couple of nights ago in a bar a little ways from the bunker. It had been a long time since someone had asked you on a date, because apparently a girl with a little more meat on her bones has cooties. You definitely weren’t bitter.

But that didn’t matter now, someone had asked you. And while it wasn’t who you always secretly wanted to ask, it was still exciting. You had put on your most flattering jeans, some cute boots, and a flannel. Hey, it might be a date, but it’s a date at a bar. You were not about to go all out to go for a drink. You were in the process of trying to figure out what to do with your hair when there was a knock on your door.

“Y/N? Sammy wanted to know if you wanted to watch a movie or something tonight.” That was a voice you would know anywhere. The gorgeous man that seemed to have walked directly out of one of your fantasies.

Sam and Dean Winchester had found you on a hunt by yourself, fighting some vampires that they had just managed to track down. As a hunter, of course you knew who the Winchesters were. Of course, they were sort of considered the fuckups of the hunting world, but you had always secretly admired them for how far they would go for the ones they love. Not long after meeting them, you became an honorary Winchester. At first, you just helped on the occasional hunt, whenever you were in the area. However, as time went on, you got evicted and the boys loved your company (and your cooking), so you moved into the bunker. You and Sam were the same age, so you had grown very close with him; he was basically your brother. Dean, though. Dean was different. The first time you saw Dean in daylight, without blood and gunk all over him, you thought you had actually died and your version of heaven was just gorgeous men paying attention to you. When you realized that you were not, in fact, dead, you developed a massive crush on the elder Winchester. Thankfully, you had spent a lot of your life liking boys who never looked at you that way, so you weren’t awkward around him.

Coming back to earth, you glanced at Dean in the mirror, as he had come into the room when you didn’t answer right away. “Sorry Dean, spaced out for a second. And I can’t watch a movie tonight, I’ve got a date.” You tried to keep your giddiness to yourself, but judging by Dean’s smile, you weren’t doing a very good job.

“A date?” he asked, after a moment, realizing what you had said. He must have realized that he sounded shocked, because he started talking again. “Not that I’m shocked you have a date, more that you’re going on one? Not like that, it’s just… who’s the guy?”

He looked like he was worried he had offended you. “Don’t worry Dean, I know that’s not what you meant. And the guy is named Ethan, I met him at the bar.” You were still looking at yourself in the mirror, completely unsure what to do with your hair.

“You should leave it down.” You raised an eyebrow at Dean in the mirror as he cleared his throat. “I mean, that’s what you were doing right? Your hair looks nice when it’s down.” He was scratching the back of his head and avoiding your eyes in the mirror. You smiled softly at him and left your hair down.

“Thanks Dean.” You fluffed your hair a little before standing up from your seat in front of the mirror. You had put on very light makeup, because you weren’t exactly skilled with a makeup brush.

Dean glanced you up and down, smiling his approval at your outfit choice. “Nothing better than a woman in a flannel… well, it’s better if she’s just wearing a flannel,” he mused, giving you a wolfish grin. You rolled your eyes at him and lightly smacked his arm.

“You’re disgusting.”

“Yep.” You were both laughing at this point. “Well have fun on your date. Do you need a ride?”

“Actually, that would be great, thanks.” You know that you shouldn’t be disappointed that he seemed happy for you that you’re going on a date, but a small part of you had hoped. You knew though, realistically, that you just weren’t his type. Dean Winchester’s type usually involved tight asses and flat tummies, neither of which you had. You sighed quietly to yourself before grabbing your leather jacket and purse, turning to follow him out of the room. His eyes were following you around the room and as you slid on your jacket. You made eye contact, and he turned to leave the room, heading towards the garage. You both climbed in Baby and headed to the bar, lost in your own separate thoughts.

When you pulled up to the bar, Dean said, “Go get him, kiddo. Don’t do anything I would do.” He winked at that. “Call me if you need me, okay?” After you nodded, he let you go with a wave, driving away.

You took a deep breath before heading into the bar. You couldn’t see Ethan anywhere, so you sat down at a booth to wait for him, ordering a drink and scrolling through your phone. After you finished that drink, you realized that he was 20 minutes late. You tried texting him, hoping that he would let you know that he was just running late. You didn’t want to seem too desperate, so you just left it at a text and ordered another drink. About 40 minutes after he was supposed to have shown up, you heard a group of girls at a table next to you giggle a little and you decided you had nothing better to do than listen to them.

You soon regretted the choice to eavesdrop, though, when you realized they were laughing at you.

“Look at the fatty over there. Do you think she got stood up or left here? Maybe she just wants people to feel bad for her.”

You had spent your whole life with people commenting on your weight, from your mother to complete strangers. Everyone always thought it was their right to have an opinion on how the fat stayed on your body. You had grown thick skin from a young age, but these comments following being stood up stung a little.

Letting out a shaky breath, you pulled out your phone and went to your recents. He picked up on the second ring.

“Hey sweetheart, why are you calling so soon? Was he really that boring?” You could tell he was laughing a little at the idea of the guy being so incredibly boring that of course you would choose to leave the date. When you didn’t respond right away, Dean sounded worried. “Y/N? Are you there? Are you okay?”

You let out a sad chuckle and said, “Yeah, I’m okay, don’t worry about it, but can you come pick me up?”

“Sure thing, I’ll be there in ten minutes.” You could hear rustling of him moving around and then him talking to Sam.

“Thanks Dean.” You felt guilty for having him drive back out to the bar so soon.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. See you soon.” With that he hung up and you were left sitting next to the girls who seemed to think a person’s value (and feelings) only mattered when they looked good in a bikini. They also apparently thought that girls who weighed more than 120 lbs couldn’t hear. You decided to just tune them out while you scrolled through twitter. Well, you scrolled until you heard a girl in the group gasp. They all started talking about this super hot guy who had just walked in, so you lazily looked up, certain of who it was.

Dean Winchester’s eyes landed on you, and he walked towards you, ignoring the hot girls trying to get his attention. He slid into the booth across from you and looked at you in concern.

“Was the date really that bad?” he asked, the sympathy clear in his voice.

“The date didn’t happen.” You were humiliated, telling the guy you had fallen for that the one guy who had shown interest in you had stood you up. “He didn’t come.” You couldn’t look at him while you said that.

“That fucker!” You had to look up at him at that, not expecting him to sound angry, especially not on your behalf. “What kind of asshole asks a girl on a date and doesn’t bother to show up?” He somehow seemed more upset than you were. You knew you had to calm him down.

“Dean, it’s okay. It’s not the first time.” That was the wrong thing to say.

“Sweetheart, you deserve the whole damn world, not dicks who do shit like this. Why do you go out with these assholes?”

“It’s not like I get a lot of interest from guys Dean, which means that I pretty much just have a higher chance of him being an ass. I’m used to it, don’t worry about it.” Your intention wasn’t to make him pity you, you just wanted him to move on from this. You were okay, you would move on, so he had to.

He didn’t have anything to say to that right away. In that silence, you both focused on the girls next to you. Once again, a poor decision.

“... believe he sat with her. He’s just so hot, and she’s just…. taking up space. Ugh, I hate when the fatties get the hot guys.”

Your eyes had widened listening to them speak, partially in hurt, but also partially in humiliation. Dean just seemed to be getting angrier. Before you could stop him, he was out of his seat and walking up to the girls. They didn’t seem to notice at first that he was angry, so they all put on what you were sure they thought were sexy faces. However, Dean walked right up to their table, sat down, and started talking.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Aren’t women supposed to support each other? Also, just because you haven’t had a goddamn meal in the last three weeks, that doesn’t make her any less beautiful. Hell, she’s gorgeous, and there is nothing about you better than her. You know why? Because you’re ugly inside. She’ll be beautiful her whole life, and you’ll be ugly middle aged women, completely mediocre and unimportant.” At this point, the whole bar was quiet, and you think you definitely weren’t the only one with a dropped jaw. You didn’t know how to process all of that, and he turned back to you, dropping money on the table to pay for your drinks and grabbing your hand, gently dragging you from the booth and out of the bar.

The car ride was awkward and silent. You didn’t know what to say, you were still trying to process everything. Of course you were hurt after all of this, but you never expected him to go off on anyone. Next to you in the car, he seemed very worked up. Neither of you said anything until the car pulled into the bunker’s garage.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I was just really worked up and angry, and you didn't deserve that.” He looked ashamed of himself and you just couldn’t help it. You leaned over and kissed his cheek, not knowing how to show how grateful you were for his defense. You had to laugh a little when he blushed, avoiding your eyes. When you both composed yourself a little, something was poking at you.

“Do you really think I’m beautiful?” You couldn’t look at him as you asked, not wanting him to know how much his answer meant to you.

“Are you kidding me?” You knew he didn’t actually mean it. “Sweetheart you’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever known.” Your gaze swung towards him so fast that you think your neck cracked. “Have you just not noticed the way I look at you? Sam reminds me all the time that I’m not very subtle.” He smiles a little at that.

You furrowed your brow. “But I’m not your type.”

Dean looked incredibly unimpressed. “What do you think my type is?”

“You know….” you waved your hand around, searching for the best thing to say, “hot.”

At this point, Dean blatantly checked you out. “I don’t see your point here. You’re still my type. Also, why do you get to decide my type?”

You were floundering. Where was he going with this? There was no way he liked you, that’s just not how that works. It was impossible. He was the man of your fantasies, not the other way around.

“You really didn’t notice, did you? Damn, even I thought I was obvious. Okay, well, no better time than the present. Y/N, I definitely have the hots for you, and it’s not just for the fact that you’re gorgeous outside. You’re sweet and you take care of us dumbasses, and you’re just a badass. I promise I’m telling you the truth.”

You were staring at him, in complete disbelief. Had you died? You realized you probably hadn’t when he glanced at your lips and started leaning towards you, waiting for you to decide whether you wanted it or not. In a split second, you made the decision and surged forward.

It wasn’t passionate, like you were a few minutes from fucking in the back of the Impala. It was slow and sweet, and he held your cheek in his hand like you were something precious, cared for. You were both lost on the moment, savoring it.

Until Sam walked into the garage, turning on the lights.The moment he saw you two jump away from each other, he laughed and just yelled, “I knew it!’

Dean leaned over to kiss you quickly before jumping out of the Impala to chase his brother for ruining the moment.

[feministfataley]

The Images You Sell Are Problematic - The Importance of Plus Size Characters in Video Games

The video game industry is currently the biggest entertainment industry in the UK in terms of spending.  More and more people are choosing to engage with the medium whether it is through mobile apps with the dreaded microtransactions, through more traditional games such as Call of Duty or Fallout or even through the medium of interactive entertainment – Netflix’s Bandersnatch, for example.  

With increased audiences must come increased responsibility – video games pull in audiences from all walks of life.  To some extent, we have seen improvements.  We have seen stories from queer protagonists, people of colour, men, women, children, even mentally ill protagonists. Progress indeed, but there is one area that remains criminally underrepresented.

Despite all these fantastical stories taking place in far off lands, most of the character models adhere to the same mould.   Granted, we’ve come a long way since plus size representation was limited to a small rotund Italian man with a mushroom addiction and his imaginary pet dinosaur, but there is still a considerable shortage of larger characters.  

Female characters are typically thin but curvy, an ideal that is nearly impossible to recreate without surgery.  Male characters tend to be lean and overly muscled – a figure out of reach of most average joes.  Taking a cursory glance around you, you’ll see people of many different body types and shapes.  So why are we still refusing to accept this in video games?

Anastasia Wyatt, junior artist on indie title Heaven’s Vault, believes pressure from shareholders could be the problem.  She said: “With the big companies they've probably been more cautious because they think this is the only thing that sells because that's all that there’s been in the past.  A small company has less shareholders and a lot less pressure if they take what they consider as a risk with less idealized looking characters.  It's not going to be disastrous for them in that respect if it doesn't sell well.”

It is not just pressure from shareholders here either, players themselves exert pressure on publishers to use idealised figures. World of Warcraft announced a new allied race with the launch of its newest expansion – Battle for Azeroth.  The race was called Kul Tiran humans, and feature a much bulkier frame and taller than the standard human model. Plus-sized gamers rejoiced.  The rest of the community did not. Within a few hours of the announcement the Blizzard forums were full of people asking for a ‘thin’ version of the character or spewing vitriol about how this character model was ugly and shouldn’t be implemented.  It’s a difficult position to be in.

Wyatt said:  “I think that's why publishers get nervous because they see criticisms like that. They think that even if they would like to use a plus size character in the people will react badly and they don't want to see those sort of comments perhaps. Which is a shame.”

Regardless of any outside pressure however, representation is very important.  Not only for the people represented by plus-size characters, but to combat fatphobia – the fear of being fat.   A large amount of stigma still exists towards plus size people in the wild, and games that equate fat to lazy or disgusting do not help.  Representation is even more important when you consider the young age children are exposed to this type of media.  Dr Peyta Eckler, professor of social communication at the University of Strathclyde, is concerned about the effect this may have.  She said: “I think this is an industry that is made predominantly for men and unfortunately it it's feeding them unhealthy stereotypes which are hugely outdated and problematic nowadays.  Not just about body types but women in general.

We cannot ignore and be blind to the societal repercussions of such images. I'm not sure if this will come to be regulated at some point, but also I think for young women, there needs to step back and a reality check.  Realizing okay what we've talked about these are unrealistic images.  Yes they do show what's desirable but they're taken to an extreme and no one can live up to that extreme.”

The erasure of plus-size figures in games contributes to a negative perception overall, especially if children are being exposed to this erasure from a young age.  Normalisation of different body types and figures is very important in formative years.

That’s not to say all portrayals are negative however.  Take Ellie, first appearing in Borderlands 2 by Gearbox.  She is a skilled, fiercely independent mechanic who is unashamedly fat.  More than being unashamed, she is proud of her body and who she is.  A mission for her involves you collecting statuettes of her from the wreckage of bandit cars.  She said they were made to make fun of her, but she loves them and the way she looks.  She displays the collected figurines in her garage, clearly delighted with the result.  It is this kind of body positivity we need in the industry.  Ellie doesn’t let others tell her what to do with her body and loves it the way it is.  

Heaven’s Vault reliably uses varied body types and shapes.  Huang is chubby, the professor is old.  They look like bodies that have been lived in, bodies that have stories to tell.  No one is inherently evil because they look different.  This also makes the characters infinitely more engaging.  Wyatt said:  “Not everyone is going to be the man with the same build, in the same stubble. We designed the characters this way because this is what people look like. It's also a good thing to do because then you just get an interesting range of characters. If everyone is the same man with stubble that's boring.

I certainly feel like when you're playing games and especially if it's trying to be a game it's about sort of a realistic story and you're trying to emotionally connect to people; if everyone looks like this idealized super model then it seems less real.”

The world would be terribly boring if we all looked the same.  Video game worlds are similar in this respect.  Worlds populated with a varied cast of characters are more engaging, more alive.  Playing a game populated by varied characters is infinitely more satisfying, particularly from a roleplaying point of view.  

Of course, for every good example of plus size representation there are a million bad ones.   Look at all the extra difficult and physically disgusting zombie enemies that also happen to be fat.  For example, bloaters in State of Decay 2 and boomers in Left 4 Dead.  You also have Wario from the Mario series and Dr Robotnik from Sonic, both antagonists and visibly overweight.  Depictions of fat characters are not usually kind, coding them as either lazy or undesirable purely because of their size.  

Not even the God of Thunder is immune from this character coding.  Stepping away from the realm of video games for a moment, the latest instalment of the Marvel Cinematic Universe:  Avengers Endgame saw Thor begin drinking to forget the people he had lost, resulting in a ‘beer belly’. Completely understandable considering how traumatic the previous film Infinity War was to watch.  However, they played his weight gain for laughs.  Cheap jokes resounded about his weight for the rest of the film.  This is the sort of thing more widespread plus size representation would combat.  If plus size people were a regular occurrence in these universes, the ability to poke fun of them for being unusual would disappear.

It is clear that change is needed, but how do you change an industry still beset by outdated stereotypes and fatphobia?  Dr Eckler said: “I think there has to be change from within. I think once more women hopefully become part of the creators of these games. They would start changing some of the content, forcing change in the content.”   Wyatt has a different view.  “I think that games where there are different characters, people are really beginning to pick up on them. I think we've been slowly seeing more diverse characters in recent years.  More games with female leads for example, when I was younger there were only a handful of games that had female characters in them.  It will take time, but I believe we will see more body type diversity as the industry evolves.”

There is hope.  The indie games market is doing rather well at telling the stories of all kinds of people and players.  Away from the eyes of publishing houses and shareholders, wonderful, beautiful games are being made.  In the truest spirt of video games as communication, stories are told about people of all shapes and sizes and races and genders.  It is an amazing thing and something it is hoped will begin to be a standard, no matter what level you are publishing a game at.  

Video games can be a powerful vehicle to communicate ideas.  There is no reason why they couldn’t be used to provide some much-needed normalisation of the existence of different body types.  It is the responsible thing to do.   The power to create a world as you want it to be, or as you see it is in a developer’s hands.    Use that power for good, create a more accepting society.  Goodness knows there’s enough hate going around as it is.

[ticklikeabomb]

The Language of Limbo - Part 3

Pairing : Chris Evans x Plus Size Reader ; Marvel Cast x Plus Size Reader

Warnings : Language

Word Count : 3.5k

The week went on just as the previous ones : wake up, prepare yourself, go train with Mason who you discovered was also hired as stunt man for the movie, go back home, have something small to eat and crash down on your bed.

It was so far, the beginning of shooting. You grabbed your suitcase and headed to the airport, catch the plane for Atlanta. The stewardess guided you towards your seat and you noticed that your neighbor was already there looking out the window. Taking a book out of your bag, you sat down, put your seatbelt on and shot off your phone. Not really fond of airplanes, your hands and nails gripped the armrest next to you, while you closed your eyes and waited for the takeoff to end. When the plane was stabilized, the stewardess came back and asked you if you wanted anything to drink. "Yes, some sparkling water please." She nodded and focused on the man seated beside you. You dived back in your book but couldn't help listening to what she was saying. "I'll bring it right away Sir and if you need anything, anything at all I'm at your disposal", she seductively claimed. You raised your eyebrows, surprised of her openly flirt with one of the passengers but didn't look further into it and continued reading. "It would be all", replied the man. Five minutes later, she put your orders in front of you and left abruptly. 'That was weird', you thought.

Another 20 minutes passed by when the man besides you cleared his voice and spoke to you. "I see you don't like planes." You lifted your head and looked beside you. There he was again : Chris Mothafucking Evans. Your eyes widened and you gasped, "Hey" He chuckled and replied, "I was wondering how long it would take you until you noticed that I was your neighbor all along but you were so concentrated in your book and didn't even looked my way once, that I lost patience."

"Sorry, didn't see you. Are you stalking or something? We keep bumping into each other all the time", you joked. He laughed louder this time before denying such accusations. "I could ask you the same thing", he smiled. "Nah, I'm not I swear", you laughed along. Now you understood why the stewardess was such a flirt. "Good. I guess we could take this opportunity and talk, get to know each other since we're gonna work and spend 4 months together", he suggested. "Yeah totally", you managed to reply smoothly. "Oh and thank you again for that lift the other day", he commented. You shook your head and told him it was nothing. "I hope you slept well then." You frowned confused and he chuckled. "You know, you said that you wouldn't sleep well knowing that I would take my car but since you dropped me at the hotel, you must have slept well." You gasped and replied, "You remember that?" "Of course I do", he said and leaned closer. "I told you I could hold my liquor." Having him so close to you, heat and shivers began to slowly creep up your body. Your only reaction was to nod and face your glass of water before taking a large gulp of it. Focused on your drink, you didn't notice Chris's smirk. You spent the rest of the flight talking about your respective lifes. It was nice to get to know the man behind the myth, without all the glam surrounding him, without hiding himself. It only made you fall even more for him. 

Since you were heading to the same place, you and Chris decided to share the cab and drove to the set. When you arrived, the staff showed you your trailer and informed that you were needed for the final fittings regarding your character's clothes. You dropped your things in what was serving you as home for the next few months and immediately headed to the clothing trailer, leaving your stuff for later. You greeted the crew and they gave you the clothes. After the readjustments, you marched towards your trailer when you crossed road with members of the cast. "Hey how are you?", greeted Scarlet, Mark, Jeremy and Robert with a side-hug. "I'm good what about all of you?", you asked with a wide smile. "We're fine", answered Mark. "We heard you had company in the plane", commented Robert. You chuckled and nodded, "Yeah, God news travel fast in here." They laughed and affirmed that they did but mostly because they've seen Chris before bumping into you and he told them you were on the same plane. "Anyway, I've got to go. Don't forget people, Downey town at 7pm", yelled RDJ while going away. "Downey town?", you wondered. "Oh and you too Y/N", he shouted and disappeared at the following corner. Scarlet circled her arm around your shoulder and whispered, "It's Robert's side of the set. He has like 5 trailers so we named it Downey Town. He invited the whole cast for diner." You gasped, "Oh okay. That's really nice." You were arriving at your own trailer and were about to dismiss yourself to take a shower when Scarlet told you she would come get you at 6pm and show you around the set. "Alright, thank you", you said and went inside.

You had two hours before Scarlet would show up, so you took your clothes out of your bag, disposed them in the small closet before grabbing your toiletries and heading towards the shower. Since it was still hot you decided to let your hair dry out naturally, put on a jeans and t-shirt with sneakers and checked your watch. You had exactly 10minutes left and texted your best-friend. A couple of days after the table read, they authorized you to tell your family and close friends that you were casted in the movie, so you immediately called Aaron and informed him of the good news. No need to say that he was beyond happy for you, best friends having the chance to be part of the same cinematic universe.

To Aaron : I've arrived on set. The flight was ok. You're never gonna believe who sat beside me.

From Aaron : Beyoncé?

To Aaron : Ha ha … *I wish tho*. The most righteous person ever…

From Aaron : Beyoncé??!!

To Aaron : Dude…Captain fucking America…well Chris Evans to be precise.

From Aaron : Ohhhhh H-I-M !!!

He knew of your long-time crush about Chris and used every opportunity he had to tease you about it.

To Aaron : Don't start. It was weird at the beginning but then we began talking and he immediately made me feel at ease. He's really nice and his eyes…god his eyes. He's so cute.

From Aaron : 😏😏😏

To Aaron : Alright I've gotta go. RDJ invited everyone to Downey Town. Kisses to the fam. ILY

From Aaron : HE WHATTTT? How come I've never been invited to Downey Town? Anyway, have fun and keep me updated. We love you too. Sam and the girls say hiiiiii.

You chuckled at his last message and shook your head. You opened your door, still looking at your texts and smiling and heard Mackie say, "Someone's happy." You smiled even more and greeted him, really excited to work with him. He and Scarlet showed you around, telling you where to find the make-up trailer, cafeteria and small gym disposed for the cast. "Awesome thanks guys". "You're welcome", answered Scarlet. You arrived at the famous 'Town' and holy shit they weren't kidding, because the place was huge. You were sitting beside Chris Hemsworth and Tom Holland and were enjoying talking to them, since you hadn't had the opportunity to do so. They were telling you the magic feeling of surfing and you listened attentively, captivated by the passion they were putting into their stories. "That sounds amazing." "It really is. You somehow feel free", mentioned Hemsworth. "But besides surfing, Australia is also amazing for their wildlife : koalas, kangaroos, crocodiles, their huge spiders." At the mention of spiders, your face crisped in disgust because you hated spiders. "Seems like Y/N doesn't like spiders", remarked RDJ. You shook your head, "Nah I hate spiders, they creep me out." You heard Tom gasp in shock. "The disrespect. I feel attacked", he said mockingly, to which Mackie rolled his eyes. "Ain't sorry", you replied back with a laugh. "Ohhhhh snap", snickered Mackie proudly and you laughed louder. "Come on Y/N, not you too", sassed back Tom. You only shrugged in amusement and continued talking with other actors around the table. Since it was getting late, everyone went back to their trailers because the following day was the first day of shooting.

Following day

You didn't get much sleep because you were too excited and found yourself at the small gym at the other end of the set to do some stretches. You thought that being that early you would be alone but found some of the actors already working out. "Aren't you brave, waking up so early", said Chris Evans. "I could say the same for you", you teased back. "Ready for your first day?", he asked more seriously. You sighed and declared yes even if you were a little nervous about it all. "I know what it's like. I was a mess on the first day of Captain America : First Avenger, but then it becomes a routine and you will get used to it, you'll see." You nodded, "I hope so." You let him continue his workout while you found a little corner, isolated and planted a mattress on the ground before starting your yoga session. An hour later, you head back to your trailer, took a shower and went to the makeup trailer. You greeted the crew and let them do their magic, while going over the lines for the day.

Elizabeth soon followed and you both talked about what's going on with your lifes since last time you were together. " Your sister got a baby?", she gasped after you revealed it. "Yeah, it's a little boy. He's 3 now." "Congrats for the parents. You must be happy to be an aunt." You smiled, seeing that little monster's face in your mind and replied, "Yeah, he's so cute, already a little rebellious but it's a child right?", you chuckled. "Of course and don't forget you got to be the cool aunt." You nodded and laughed, "That's true. He was no idea what's coming".

"Y/N, five minutes and you're headed to the dressing trailer", called out one of the director's assistant. "Showtime", you breathed out to Lizzie who crossed her fingers for you, "Break a leg." You give her a wide smile and exited. Your first scene was already one were you would have to wear your suit and you couldn't contain your excitement once you put it on. "Wow, it looks amazing, thank you guys", you told the dressing staff. They smiled seeing how happy and beautiful you looked and wished you good look. While marching to the shooting set, you crossed roads with Mason who was dressed in an Iron Man suit. His whistle caught the attention of the people around and you shook your head. "You look amazing", he told you with a wide smile. "Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself." You saw him blush a little and had to bite down your lip to not let the small chuckle escape your mouth. "Iron Man, hein?", you smirked. "Yep, what can I say I am indeed a Genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist."

Seeing him quote Tony Stark made you laugh loudly and again catch the wandering eyes of the people around. Mason was about to respond when Joe Russo called you. "Sorry have to go." Mason grabbed your hand and looked into your eyes, "Don't forget our training and you'll rock that scene. Good luck." You nodded, cherishing his support and thanked him. The Russo Brothers indicated you the position of the camera angles and their vision for the shoot. You listened to their details attentively and nodded along, saving their instructions in your brain. You walked at your standing point next to the original Avengers and took a deep breath. "And…ACTION". It took four takes for the initial dialogue and 8 takes for the fighting scene to get it in the box. "CUT !", the directors shouted. "Amazing start people. Lunch break before we head back at it, in an hour." You grabbed a bottle of water and saw the cast join you. "You did amazing dear, keep going", complimented RDJ and the others followed his comment with their own encouragements and how awesome your moves were. "Thank you guys, it means a lot", you breathed out with a wide smile. The day went by until late evening.

The days passed and you were getting more at ease with everyone, joining them whenever it was to tease someone or roast. Chris's (Evans) birthday was coming soon and you still had no idea what you would get him. It was hard to find something for someone who already had everything. You began asking discreet the others actors questions about his tastes or funny stories they could tell you. "Why all those questions regarding Chris?", asked once Scarlet with a smug smirk. Your eyes almost popped out of your skull being busted. "What? No, I'm not. Just trying to get to know you", you mumbled not convinced by your own excuse and seeing the face of Scarlet and the others, neither were they. You dropped the questions and tried to come up with something by yourself. One day you were walking beside Chris who asked you if you wanted to go over the lines with him. You agreed and he proposed to work in his trailer. He motioned you to sit down where you wanted and disposed a bottle of water in front of you. "Thanks", you smiled back. He dropped his script and phone on the table in front of both of you before asking you if you didn't mind if he left you for 5 minutes to take a fast shower. You gulp harshly, thoughts of his glorious body overflowing your mind before clearing your throat and replied, "Ehm yeah, no, no problem. You go do that."

He chuckled and fumbled through his dressing before heading at the back of the trailer. You took a gulp of the fresh water to cool you down, when the phone rang. First you thought it was yours but looking at the devices in front of you, you saw that it was Chris' phone. It wasn't your attention to sneak at it but saw his brother's name pop on the notification bar. That's when the idea of asking his brother for a birthday gift came up to you. You quickly grabbed your phone and went through Twitter and finally found Chris' brother's social media.

You hit the DM's button and wrote : "Hello how are you? My name is Y/N. This may sound weir but I'm currently working with Chris on the new Marvel movie. I'm really sorry to bother you and who knows, you probably won't even pay attention to this message but I was wondering if you could help me. I know his birthday is in a couple of weeks and was wondering if you had any idea of what he might like. I'm kinda lost here and really wanted to give him something that I know he will love. Here's my number if you prefer texting. Again sorry if I'm disturbing and I hope you have a nice day."

You were sure he wouldn't reply, probably thinking it was another fangirl, so you didn't made a lot of hopes in it. Chris got out of the shower and seeing your concerned expression he asked, "Everything alright?". You looked up to him and give him a small smile, "Yeah just a little tired is all." "If you want I can go over the lines by myself and let you rest." You shook your head, assuring him that it wasn't necessary. "Don't worry, I also have to go over the lines anyway. I don't know them by heart yet." He nodded and sat in front of you and began working on it right away. When you were done, you headed back to your trailer and checked your phone and saw a text from an unknown number.

Unknown : Hi, I'm fine. What about you? I confess that when I saw the message on Twitter I was skeptical but then I remembered Chris telling me your name and that you joined the production. It's nice to virtually meet you. Regarding me helping you, totally. Text me back whenever you have time. -Scott.

You were squealing in your bed, happy to have some guidance in that matter. You texted him back, thanking him for his reply and wrote down the small list with gift ideas you had so far. He told you that some of them were cool but that Chris already had them or did them, like the one when he was skydiving.

The past few weeks you and Scott hit it off, even texting randomly. He would ask you advice for personal matters and you would do the same. You could say that you were beginning to become friends.

You were currently training with Mason when Kevin Feige stepped inside the room, making everybody stop on what they were doing. "Y/N, can I have a second", the Marvel president said. You cleaned your face and marched towards him, your body slightly shaken, scared of what he had to tell you. "Y/N there has been a change. I'm really sorry to announce you this because you've been doing great in portraying Y/C/N but unfortunately, I'm forced to let you go and recast you." Your mouth opened wide, not believing you were getting fired. "You will still be part of the movie I can guarantee you that but you will be playing a minor character, a tech Shield agent to be exact." "Why?", was the only thing you managed to say. He saw the pain in your teary eyes and slightly bowed his head in shame. "It's not my duty to tell you the circumstances of this change but I can see how painful it is for you. Our biggest executive producer requested the change for someone else.I know this was a life changing opportunity but I had no other choice then agree to it"

You gulp harshly, hurt until the pain was subsided with anger. At this point you didn't care anymore and said, "May I say something even if this might cost my place in the production?" He nodded and you told him how you were feeling. "I understand what you're telling me and even if I shouldn't argue with that because I'm literally no one in the business to say something but it pains me. A lot. I know that one of the goals in the MCU is to promote diversity and including a plus size female playing such an important character with such an arc would have change a lot in the industry. Finally, plus size females would have had a figure, someone representing them and it's gone. It's taken from them."

"I understand your point of view but it will not change the situation. I'm giving you the opportunity to complete your contract by portraying another character. It's up to you now if you still want to do it or not", he replied back. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath before exclaiming firmly, "I'll be the best tech Shield agent you'll ever see." He nodded and before he could state something else, the gym doors opened and you saw her enter the building. Goosebumps, the bad kind, raised all over your body and you breathed harshly. "Hiiii, have you heard the good news? I'm playing Y/C/N after all", spat Rebecca proudly. "Congratulations", you hissed back in fake kindness. You could see the mischief in her eyes and it made your stomach churn. "Mason", called out Kevin Feige. He sprinted to your group and heard the president tell him he would have to prepare Rebecca as fast as possible for the role. He frowned and looked back at you and saw you trying to hold it together in front of them. He was about to ask why when Feige cut him and said, "That would be all !" Mason nodded while clenching his teeth and Feige exited the room but not before handing you the new script, with your new lines. Rebecca stepped closer and whispered in your ear, "I told you, you wouldn't see the last of me. You see I made myself a promise. The promise that I would turn your life into a living hell and I think it's starting just fine." She winked at you before seductively sashaying over Mason. You were on the verge of crying and had to exit the room quickly. Mason shot you a pained and apologetic look seeing you exit the room before his features hardened once facing Rebecca who had a victorious smirk plastered on her face. "Let's get to work !", spat Mason rather harshly towards her.

You had no idea how, what was supposed to be the best moment of your life turned so shitty in matter of seconds. Little did you know that it was only the beginning.

* gifs not mine, credit to owner*

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[michael-hearteyes-wheeler]

”I’m drunk and I hate everything but you. I love you a lot.” + lumax. cause, not to be dramatic or anything, but I’m DYING for lumax content rn

[A/N] This was such an adorable prompt! Im sorry it took me forever to finish it. I was struggling with one of the scenes, so I just included a real life situation and it helped a lot (the one with the jocks and beer pong lmao). I really hope you enjoy!! 💖💖💖

“Why would anyone need a house that big?” Max scoffed, looking up at the almost mansion sized home. The party had barely started, but already the lawn was crawling with people.

Max really didn’t believe Stacey Altman when she said she was inviting the entire senior class, but now that she was actually here, she would call that number an understatement. She supposed the large turnout was probably thanks to their team winning this years homecoming. A loss probably wouldn’t have resulted in the debauchery she was sure was taking place inside.

“Yeah, isn’t Stacy an only child too?” Will sneered. The Party, like everyone else, had each been handed one of the obnoxious green and gold invitations. Their school colors, a vaguely terrifying picture of their mascot, and bulky block letters that looked more like a ransom note than anything else.

At first, they all agreed not to go. Parties were lame, and none of them really even cared about Football. Then, Max had gotten bored, and El was easy enough to talk into going. One convincing led to another and now everyone was standing on the Altman’s lawn and looking at the house apprehensively.

“Are we going to go inside? Or just keep standing here?” Lucas finally asked. Max, determined to have a good time, took that as the motivation she needed. She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the house.

The scene before them was pretty much exactly what they expected. Loud music blared out of speakers from somewhere in the living room, and dozens of people danced around the space. The kitchen counters were covered in drinks and bowls of chips that no one was actually going to eat. Beer pong was set up in the dining room, and a group of football players were doing keg stands in the backyard.

It wasn’t like this was the first party they had ever gone too, it was just the biggest.

Max felt a little overwhelmed. She pulled Lucas and El into the kitchen, and poured each of them a drink from the horribly sweet, red concoction in the punch bowl. All three made dramatic grimacing faces as they took their first sip. The drink was bitter, and stung like rubbing alcohol, but the aftertaste was worse; Cough syrup and cheap wine.

“Are you losers drinking tonight?” Max asked the other boys, holding out another solo cup. Will and Dustin happily obliged, but Mike mumbled something about being the ‘designated driver’ and Max rolled her eyes. It’s not like they did not live close enough to walk or anything.

The party awkwardly hovered around the kitchen for awhile after that. They watched the party happen around them, making fun of people for one thing or another. After a few minutes Max could feel whatever it was she was drinking start to polish the edges of her perception. Jokes were funnier, sensations further away, she felt warm. It was a good feeling, and fast acting too. She filled up her cup for the third time.

Like all parties, however, the group you go with dissolved pretty quickly once people get acclimated.

Will was the first to get pulled away. A boy he knew from his art class waved him over and the two disappeared upstairs. Max and Mike gave each other raised eyebrow looks because Will was definitely blushing. Unbeknownst to Will, they had a running bet about how long it would take for them to start dating.

Next to go was Dustin. Throughout high school he had become quite the ladies man, and he was determined to chat up Haley Jones, his current crush. Actually, crush was an understatement, his new obsession was more accurate. Not in a creepy way really, more in just a painfully devoted loyal sort of way. It was sweet, and definitely really fun to make fun of him for.

Then it was Mike and El. A song came on that she actually liked, and she pulled him towards the large group of people dancing. Mike wasn’t really a dancer, and honestly neither was El, but they could certainly make the best out of it. Max watched them get swallowed up by the crowd until not even Wheeler’s mop of hair could be seen.

So it was just Lucas and Max, both whispering to each other about people from school acting like fools, and laughing so hard they had to hold onto the counter for balance.

“Do you want to dance or something?” She asked, finished off her third drink.

“Naw, but beer pong might be fun. I gotta use the bathroom and then i’ll be back.” He winked and pinched her waist as he left. She made heart eyes at his back while he walked away. She poured herself another drink.

Then things got… fuzzy.

Another massive group of people showed up, people Max had never even seen before, and the crowded house got that much more crowded. It was so goddamn loud. The group made a beeline for the booze and Max stepped out of the kitchen and out of their way. Now she was just hovering by herself at the edge of the living room. Where was Lucas? Oh right the bathroom! Jeez, he’s been gone for a long time.

A loud crash and the sound of people cheering caught her attention. Drink in hand, she shuffled her way towards the sound and into the dining room.

The dining room smelled overwhelmingly of beer and that same fruity cocktail mix that was currently making her brain fuzz. Max watched for a moment, a group of boys playing beer pong. Sticking their grubby hands in and out of the cups of booze, plinking the ball back and forth across the table. It was disgusting. Hadn’t Lucas said something about playing this? Maybe she should just wait here for him.

A big sweaty looking football player, sporting his Letterman like a coat of arms, stuck a hand in one of the cups to retrieve the ball. Max grimaced.

“You should really be using water.” She scoffed as another cup fell over, washing sudsy beer out onto the floor. They guys all turned to her and laughed.

“Water doesn’t get the job done.” The sweaty football player knocked his knuckles against his head.

“Yeah, plus, the alcohol like, kills all the germs.” Another jughead added from where he was leaning against the wall.

“That’s so ridiculously untrue.” Max chuckled.

“Yeah well, it’s more of a boys game anyway. Wouldn’t want you to get your pretty little hands dirty.” The sweaty guy replied nonchalantly, and lined up his shot.

“Oh, you’re so on.” Max would never admit to it if pressed, but she was so competitive that it almost wore her out. That fact was doubly true if the person egging her on was getting personal about it, and the fact that she was a girl? Yeah, that was pretty damn personal. She chugged the rest of her cup and moved to one end of the table, across from sweaty.

He raised his eyebrows but nodded, and put all of his cups back in line. “You need me to run through the rules, princess?”

“Throw the ball into a cup, if it gets in the other person takes a drink. It’s not rocket science.” She brushed her hair out of her face. As much as she wanted to kick this guys ass, she was also way to out of it to be truly pissed.

For most of the game, it was pretty much a stalemate. He got a cup, she got a cup. He drinks, she drinks. The beer is warm and salty and she tries not to think about how many hands had been in that cup. They had been right about one thing though, water certainly wouldn’t have got her feeling this way.

Then, one well placed toss. That’s all it took. A cup of jungle juice spilled over, cascading red liquid all across her white shirt. She looked down at herself in horror.

“You son of a bitch! You did that on purpose.” Max had no way of knowing that but it wasn’t a hard guess.

“Not me babe, it’s all part of the game.” Sweaty snorted, high-fiving one of his friends.

She would see about that. Anger sobered her. It took less than five minutes for her to get him the rest of the way out. Plink, plink, plink, plink. The rest of the room cheered for her, and egged him on. Chanting for him to chug when he finally lost.

“Wow Mayfield, im impressed. You didn’t come here with that loser boyfriend of yours did you?” Sweaty asked, lowering his gaze at her from across the table.

Suddenly she felt sick. Like really sick. And drunk, really drunk. She looked down at her shirt and back up at him and all of the other boys who were staring at her. She needed a bathroom.

“Fuck off, meathead. I don’t date dogs.” Max was seething now, she turned and walked out of the dining room. It took her awhile to find a bathroom, and every step felt more and more heavy. More and more fuzzy.

When she finally did, she sighed in relief and closed the door behind her. She did not want to throw up. She sat on the edge of the bathtub and tried to just breathe deeply, in and out, find a little bit of clarity. The party sounded really far away. Where the hell was Lucas? Where were any of her friends? Time moved so sluggishly that it was hard to tell exactly how long it had been since she last saw them.

She heard voices right outside the door, and the knob jiggle.

And instead of acting like a regular normal person, and standing up to let whoever it was use the restroom, she let herself fall back into the bathtub and closed the curtain behind her. This is a good idea Max, they will do whatever they need too and then leave and you can calm down.

Max recognized the voices to be that of Stacy, the party thrower, and Valerie, Stacy’s best friend. They sounded about as drunk as Max felt.

“Thank god, a little bit of quiet.” Stacy sighed as soon as the door latched closed behind her.

“I know right? At least it’s a good turn out.”

“Yeah I guess, but a lot of people showed up who I totally didn’t want to be here.”

“Oh drama? Go on.”

“Well like, when you invite nerds, you don’t expect them to come. I was just being nice but they had to actually show up. Did you see Henderson talking to Haley? Like he stands a chance. What a loser.”

“Oh I know! And all of his nerdy friends are here too. At least the rest of them date amongst themselves.”

Max was practically vibrating with anger at this point. No amount of ‘Just stay and wait for them to leave’ was helping. What if they kept going? What if they kept saying worse and worse shit? It was their shrieky and slurred laughter that finally pushed her over the edge. In a flash, she ripped the shower curtain back open, and from her place in the tub she stared daggers at them.

“What the hell-” Stacy began, looking totally appalled.

“Listen, Stacy! The only reason so many people came to your party is because you have a big house and free booze, not because anyone actually likes you! The next time I hear you talk about my friends i’m going to kick your ass!” Again, fueled by anger, Max easily rose to her feet and stepped out of the tub. “Oh, and that dress looks terrible on you.”

Sometimes you gotta fight shallow with shallow. Besides, it was an ugly dress.

Max wasn’t even listening to whatever they were yelling at her as she left. She flipped the bird behind her back as she went. It was so loud out here. She was so angry. Where the hell was lucas!?

She stumbled her way back through the house, avoiding the dining room, weaving around groups of people and spreading through others. How many living rooms did this place have? It took ages just to get from one side of the house to the other. Eventually, she found herself once again in the kitchen. It smelled so strong of booze that the nausea she had bated off was back, and kicking. She felt her skin ripple with goosebumps that was followed by a surge of heat. She really didn’t want to be the girl who pukes in the sink at a party.

Just then, a cool breeze nearly knocked her over, and her attention turned to a small side door.

Outside! Her senses screamed. Quiet, fresh air!

She was moving before she even finished the thought.

Max let the door slam behind her as she stepped outside. The lawn was pretty much empty, aside from a few people sitting around a small bonfire at the opposite end. She walked sluggishly toward the end of the porch, and sat with her legs dangling over the edge. The sounds of the party were further away now. She took a few deep breaths to try and clear some of the brain fog that had crept in. You never really notice how drunk you are until you’re alone. If she could just chill like this for a little while, her stomach would calm down and everything would be fine.

What a stupid party. What disgusting idiots those football players had been. Why was Stacy so vile? Max was kicking herself for being the one to suggest they come. Right now they could all be in Wheeler’s basement playing a board game, or at the cabin watching a movie. She was so worked up about the whole thing that she could feel her skin heating up.

A few moments later, she heard the door open behind her, but she assumed it was just someone else looking for a little bit of solace. Then that person walked towards her, and took a seat next to her. Their legs touched the ground where hers just swayed above.

“You doing alright out here? Lucas. His voice was quiet and when she looked at him he smirked, a beer still in his hand. It was probably only his second, maybe third. She felt embarrassed.

“Im fine.” She snapped back, and then sighed, letting some of the tension leave her shoulders. “I’m not fine. I’m drunk and I hate everything.”

“You hate everything even when you aren’t drunk.” His face was so sobering. Like he could see through her bullshit, but he was still validating her feelings. Gentle.

“Not you.” She let her head fall against his shoulder and her whole body went with her. She was lucky he was strong enough to support the both of them because she basically gave up trying. “A revision. I’m drunk and I hate everything but you.”

“Well in that case,” Lucas wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her snug against him. She felt him kiss the top of her head and she sighed contently. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Im sure I will when im sober and can actually like, you know, formulate thoughts. I’m sure you’ll hear all about it.”

“Okay good, i’ll be waiting then.” He was quiet for a moment, and she relished in it. “Instead, can we talk about how cool it is that you beat the football team at beer pong?”

Even though her eyes were sagging closed, she could hear the smile in his voice. She groaned. “I don’t want to talk about that either. They’re gross. I drank shitty warm hand beer.”

“Okay, well, is there something you do want to talk about?”

She adjusted so she could look up at him, but no further than necessary. “Where were you? I haven’t seen you all night. And, how did you know I was out here?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I kinda got caught up in a pool game. Did you know that the basement is like a full game room? And then someone wanted to play Foosball… It got out of hand. Also you literally almost knocked Will over in your mad dash to get outside. He told me you looked upset.”

Max snorted, and then laughed, and then she was laughing so hard that Lucas had to keep her from slipping off the edge of the porch. “Are you serious? We lost each other because we were both goaded into playing stupid games at this stupid party?”

“I guess so.” Lucas smiled at her, and the warmth of his hands bled through her shirt, making her shiver. He was so god damned competitive, and it was one of the things she loved about him. He was also, however, really god damned handsome and sometimes it still made her knees weak.

“This party kind of sucked.” She finally admitted.

“Yeah, it kind of did. It would have been way more fun to just sit out here.”

“Totally.” She snuggled in closer to his side, “Or… if we had, I don’t know, found one of the hundred rooms in this big stupid house and made out for like, an hour.”

“Hm, yeah, you’re right. That would have been better.” He was silent for a few seconds. “I’ll race you to the top floor.”

“Oh you are so on, Stalker!”

Instead of bolting, Lucas helped Max to her feet, and instead of racing through the house, it was more of him pulling her by the hand really quickly. Weaving in and out of groups of people, and rooms, and hallways. Once they finally got to the top floor, it was a guessing game as to finding an actual available room. They pressed their ears to a lot of doors, and were met with a lot of ‘Fuck off!’ and the usual drunk party girl crying. Luck finally came to them in the form of an oversized storage closet.

Needless to say, it turned the whole night around. More laughing and knocking things over then anything else, but he kissed her tenderly when she wanted him too and held her tightly when she needed him too. He always knew exactly how to make her heart quicken. They made a damn mess in that storage closet, essentially turning old camping gear and extra linens into a pallet on the floor. And there were the golf clubs they had knocked over, and whatever that thing was that fell and shattered. But that was Stacy’s problem.

Lucas always seemed to know the exact right things to say and do. It blew her mind that less than fifteen minutes earlier she had been rightfully angry on the back porch, and now she was lip locked and laughing. His hands tangled in her hair and she was glad she had taken El’s suggestion of bringing a brush so that she wasn’t such a hot mess when she got home. Her stained shirt was another issue, but right now she was just happy to be able to lay her head on his chest and listen to the party from what felt like far away

It was in this contented lul that he spoke again, softly, holding her tight against him. “How are you feeling? Still drunk and… hateful?”

“Yeah. Still drunk. I still hate everything but you.” She giggled, and cuddled even closer. “I love you a lot.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you a lot too, Madmax.”

As soon as the sounds of the people started dying down, they made their way hand in hand back downstairs; giddy and flushed and looking totally guilty.

They found Will first. He was almost as blushy as they were, and he said goodbye to his friend from art class in hushed tones before they left.

Then they found Dustin, who had passed out and was using a dog as a pillow. He was definitely the most wasted somehow, and Lucas practically had to carry him to the car.

Lastly, Mike and El found them. The couple were also holding hands, and also looking incredibly guilty. Well, Mike was. El looked so casual it almost through Max for a loop. She was actually thankful that Mike had stayed sober, because there was no way in hell she wanted to walk anywhere right now.

They crammed into Mike’s car, with El at shotgun and Dustin draped across the laps of everyone else in the back.

“So, uh, did you guys have fun?” Mike asked as he pulled the car out of its spot.

Max looked at Lucas, blushing all over again, heart beating fast, and smiled. “Yeah. Lots of fun.”

Lucas could make even the worst night into a good one. A great one. One she was excited to rant to him about all over again tomorrow.

[bunnis-babes]

So @queennerd-love tagged me to do this forever ago, and I just kinda… didn’t. But I’m bored and angry about accidentally deleting the same HCs for the second time, so I’m doing this to distract.

Star sign?

Gemini

Height?

5’5” I’m a moderately size girl, just kinda average.

Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 4.

So uhhh… all of these are undertale/deltarune because thats my go to playlist, it’s what I use when I do pretty much anything so… :/

1. The Legend (Toby Fox)

2. Spear of Justice (Undertale Remix by Game Chops)

3. Dogsong (Kazoo cover by Tsuko G.)

4. Don’t give up (Toby Fox)

Grab the nearest book and skip to the page 23, what is the 17th line?

Uhm… the closest book I had was a manga so this doesn’t really apply all that well, but I’ll just give the last spoken line. “He’s calling to give you his answer…” If you can guess where it’s from that’d be fun.

Ever had a poem written about you?

Yeah actually, he had to write Haikus about our classmates one year in junior high. I think my best friend and I wrote about each other, but I can’t be too sure.

When was the last time you played air guitar?

Uhhhhh… over a year ago? Like sometime in 2017 was the last time for sure.

Name one sound you hate one you love?

The sound of a books binding being destroyed is something I can stand. It hurts my should when I hear that noise. A sound I love is orchestral sounds its just pleasing to my ears.

Do you believe in ghosts? Aliens?

Ghosts, but not aliens. I don’t want to explain why, but magical little men living on mars just doesn’t sound… plausible. The idea of ghosts is just, it makes more sense then these E.T. beings.

Do you drive/have you been in a car crash?

My dad hit a deer on the way to the hospital when my mom went into labor. Other than that, no.

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Meh… Sharpies smell way better.

Last movie you saw?

Into the spider verse

Worst Injury?

I fell off the monkey bars and sprained my ankle. It hurt a lot and couldn’t walk on it for a while, because pain.

Your Obsessions?

BNHA, Gravity Falls, Cermet, Undertale (The game itself please don’t hate me), Deltarune, A silent Voice, MHA: Vigilantes, Waitress, The Arcana, many more.

Hold Grudges?

Only one, and that bitch deserves it. She was an ass to me and my friends and she did this shit to herself.

Relationship?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I’m unlovable.

When was the last time you screamed at the top of your lungs?

When I stepping into my home to day after school.

What view would you like to have out of your window?

A bustling city in the distance, separated by a small field with a nice solid tree growing in it.

If you could instantly know how to speak another language, what language would you choose to know?

Japanese is the first one. Most likely Spanish, French and Norwegian after that. I’ve got a whole bunch more, but those are the main contenders.

What would be your strategy for surviving an apocalyptic epidemic?

Have my close friends with me and be sure to have plenty of food and meds and other basic shit like that. Probably die, idk I wouldn’t really give a shit if the world died.

When does time pass the fastest for you? The slowest?

It passes fastest in Biology and slowest in Spanish.

You can broadcast one sentence to every TV channel and radio station and have it translated, what would it be?

“Dude what the fuck, I don’t know what to sa- hEY ARE YOU ACTUALLY BROADCASTING THIS SHI-“ And then the entire broadcast is shut down.

What are you completely over and done with?

People telling me I can’t enjoy Undertale because of the fandom, fake bitches, my depression/anxiety getting in my way of having a successful school career, my health teacher, not being comfortable with a lot of guys, not being able to ask for help.

Who haven’t you seen in a while and want to see if their okay?

@home-of-the-trash and @blackdevilina

What do you wish people would stop asking you about?

“Why can’t you just talk to people.” “Why are you so anxious and awkward all the time.” “It’s not that hard, just ask them.”

What is the most unusual fear you have?

That we have a rooster living in our attic thing area place.

What’s the biggest lesson life has taught you?

Not to trust everyone right away.

Of you could hear when people say positive or negative things about you, which would you choose to hear?

Positive, it would be nice to hear and a good confidence boost. Plus, negative things would just push me further into depression.

What’s the best piece of advice someone has given to you?

“Don’t depend on people as much as you did with her, they might hurt you and I don’t want to see that happen again.”

What do you think people automatically assume about you when they look at you?

Quiet, awkward, and not too attractive.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?

Just today.

What’s your story?

It’s a lot of me living life obliviously before realizing why I am the way I am and being sad suddenly, but I’m getting better.

What do you wish you had more time for?

Writing, art, classes I want to take, friends, trips, fun things I want to do.

What’s the most unpleasant sounding word?

Andrew.

If you could dedicate your life to solving one issue, what would it be?

Depression.

What feelings do the colors Turquoise, silver, purple, or brown represent to you?

Turquoise: Calmness, Serenity

Silver: A burden, great wealth

Brown: Grossness, disgust

Purple: Pride, Royalty

What is your favorite way to meet new people?

In a casual way. Just walk up and introduce yourself to me and try to get me talking. I have a hard time making friends and putting in effort to make them, but I will try to make friends with someone who wants to.

What is your favorite non-drug/non-alcohol high?

Being able to laugh, it’s a good reliever and I feel happy and amazing while doing it.

What kind of personality traits do you associate certain names?

Elizabeth: Nice, friendly, basic

Andrew: Smart, goofy, brotherly

Lilly: Boisterous, funny, a gremlin

What is the best thing you could tell someone to cheer them up when they are feeling down?

There isn’t much you can say to make them feel better a lot of the time, I really default to making terrible puns and jokes and that normally brings a smile to their face.

What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?

Opening up to my amazing best friends.

What’s weird about you?

I’m thinking just about everything is strange personality wise; but physically I have a little bump in my nose. Everyone tells me it doesn’t really distract from the rest of my face and it makes me pretty, but I don’t like it.

What are you hyped about?

My next school break, summer break omg, Spanish class to be fucking over.

What do couples do that seriously annoys you?

Uhm… some of them make out right in front of us and its just disgusting. Like, yeah your in love, go make out in the bathroom, thanks.

Oof, wrote half of this at 1am and half of it in first hour! I’m really bored, so I just did this because why not. Hope you liked it!

💙River💙

[elizas-writing]

How I Would Fix The Last Jedi

So it’s been a while since The Last Jedi premiered and with the initial hype and anger settling down, more people are looking at it through a proper critical lens. The more posts I see critiquing The Last Jedi, the more I’m starting to realize it’s got a lot more problems than I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I still like it and found certain elements the best of the franchise, but perhaps I focused a little too much on being positive just to drown out all the anger (which to be fair, most of it was unwarranted to begin with). And thankfully now that most of the more pissy fanboys quieted down, I can post this in peace.

This film’s biggest problem was the lack of a good editor to keep the pacing consistent and allot the right amount of character development for everyone. So I’ll be addressing some of the major concerns with The Last Jedi and analyzing where and how problems could be fixed.

1. Leia’s Fate

Given Carrie Fisher’s death, some fans were anticipating Leia would possibly be killed off during The Last Jedi. But since she’s still alive at the very end, now they’re going to have to find a way to do that off screen unless they have enough spare footage from The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi to fill the gaps. To be totally fair with how much they filmed with Carrie, this was probably the best they could do without reshooting most of the film and pushing back the release date. Plus, this is the last time we’ll get to see her--- let me have Super Leia in Space. I think the only way they could work around this would be to record lines mentioning her depleting health given how long she was in space, even with using the Force to save herself. It’d at least give some foreshadowing that maybe she won’t make it to see the Rebellion win and drive our main heroes to follow in her footsteps.

2. No Memorial for Han Solo?

Yes, more than two years passed and the shock of Han Solo’s death faded for the fans, but for the characters, only mere hours passed. Leia lost her husband, Chewie lost a best friend, Rey lost a father figure, and Luke lost a brother-in-law. They should still be torn up about this, especially Luke given all his guilt on failing his nephew. It’s really hard to believe that there wasn’t even so much as a memorial for one of the greatest heroes of the Rebellion. Imagine how much more gut-wrenching the opening would be if they were caught off guard while mourning Han.

 I want more of Rey depressed and angry that the one father figure she’s known was offed by his own son without mercy. I want more of Luke’s guilt eating him which increases his reluctance towards training cause he doesn’t know if this will happen again and who else he’ll lose. Han’s death should still have a massive impact on the story and where the Resistance will go without a legendary fighter with such a special spark you won’t find anywhere else in the galaxy.

3. Admiral Holdo’s Reckless Shit

It’s really hard to gauge if I actually like Admiral Holdo because the film is back-and-forth between pulling the rug from under us with the character drama and forgetting the high stakes of their present situations. I get that Poe is hot-headed and needs to learn patience, but c’mon, you’re losing precious ships and lives the longer you stall and don’t just tell this trigger-happy nut what’s going on. She has no reason to be so secretive, and it’s just plain irresponsible given the small size of the Resistance. There’s no effort on her end as a leader to work together with some people, and unfairly talks down to them like children. And I know Leia does this too with Poe when she demoted him, but they have a quasi-mother/son dynamic where it works because they were working together longer than Poe has with Holdo. They might as well be strangers for almost two hours.

I definitely don’t hate Holdo as much as the rest of the fandom does, but we need more of her side with nuance on the divide and finding balance between fighting and self-preservation, especially as she leads in place of Leia and the two were close friends for decades. But you don’t get that connection and how much the Resistance means to her mere minutes before she dies. She comes off way too heartless than necessary for this side-plot. And it sucks because it’s a fascinating struggle between action and self-preservation in regards to rebellion and knowing when to do what to make actual progress, but it’s buried too deep in the subtext underneath the needless bickering between Holdo and Poe. Just show what she’s up to from the get-go, validate her reasoning, and allow her to be a likable character so her major sacrifice actually feels earned and not a last minute sympathy grab for Poe to learn a lesson.

4. What was Benicio del Toro’s Character Again?

Oh yeah, DJ.... I legit had to Google to remember the character’s two-letter name. And if that’s not enough to say he has no purpose in this movie, I don’t know what is. I get that he’s supposed to parallel Lando Calrissian when he tricks Han Solo back in Empire Strikes Back. But while Lando still had screentime afterwards to double-cross the Empire and join the Rebellion anyway, DJ just freaking disappears, and it’s never addressed what happens to him after turning in Finn and Rose. Honestly, if you wrote him out of the movie, it wouldn’t make much of a difference. And it sucks, because this side plot had great themes going on with war profiteering and the apathy towards both the Resistance and the First Order so long as one has something to gain from their deals.

If you’re going to parallel Lando’s arc from Empire, don’t cut it short when it’s getting good and have DJ consider the consequences of his actions, regardless if he joins the Resistance or not. Set up some foreshadowing for the next movie where DJ is completely working for the First Order or the Resistance and realizes how much picking a side does matter with rising authoritarianism. It has great potential for whether or not he’s redeemed with how long his apathy will take hold so long as he makes a quick buck.

Or better yet, just entirely replace DJ with an older Lando who lost his sense of hope with the rise of the First Order and hides away on Canto Bight waiting for age to catch up to him, living in blissful ignorance while the rest of the galaxy crumbles. He’s the decoder Finn and Rose were looking for all along and this was Maz’s way to coerce Lando back into the Rebellion. Much like Luke, Lando is reluctant to fight and see any hope, but upon hearing of Han’s death and Leia’s condition, regret eats him for all the years he spent away from his closest friends and just wasting his life on gambling and drinking. He finally agrees to help Finn and Rose, but they only get so far before getting caught by the First Order, just barely escaping with their lives and reuniting with the rest of the Resistance for the film’s climax.

5. Finn Overcoming Stormtrooper Past

I think this deleted scene speaks for itself on all the missed opportunity in developing Finn. That’s not to say he’s totally devoid of screentime as it’s still fun to see him with Rose exploring Canto Bight and getting caught up in their own misadventures. But many were hoping this would be the perfect time to explore his traumatic past and how Stormtroopers work in this world. Maybe he’d try to go back, save them from the brainwashing and help them realize they’re just senselessly murdering innocent people for nothing.

Holdo even has a line where she refers to Finn as a Stormtrooper almost in disgust, so you’d think there would be more time to show his change over to the Resistance and proving himself not just as a powerful ally, but someone who is more than their past. Someone who can finally break the cycle of children being taken away from their families to become disposable soldiers. But his battle with Phasma comes and goes so quickly and doesn’t leave as big of an impact as it should, and much like Force Awakens it feels like they’re playing great cards far too early. This deleted scene works so much better when you see the gears turning in the Stormtroopers when they realize their leader is just a massive coward, and it ends perfectly with Finn proudly calling himself “rebel scum.” It’s still beyond me why this scene was scrapped. They either needed to keep this  in or have Phasma survive and make a grand final battle for Episode IX.

I want that spark of rebellion to ignite in the Stormtroopers where they realize “wait, what the hell are we even fighting for?” and dismantle the First Order from the inside out by Episode IX. It’d make a great parallel to the prequels and Order 66 but completely recontextualized in a story of rebellion and redemption. Throw in some of the Resistance saving children from growing up into soldiers, tragically epic scenes of sacrifice, and boom, there’s a climax of Episode IX practically writing itself.

6. Shut up Ben Solo-Organa

Now, I like Kylo Ren as a villain-- he’s similar to Anakin Skywalker’s whininess in the prequels except made legitimately terrifying with the fragile toxic masculinity of wanting to be stronger and powerful by any means necessary. However, I can’t do the woobifying, both from large sects of the fandom and Rian Johnson. I would be a lot more forgiving of his character development in The Last Jedi if Johnson made Kylo Ren’s intents more clear without implying any romance between him and Rey-- fucking really (and sorry, not sorry, the only thing I ship Kylo with is a swift kick in the ass).

I get that we need temptations of the dark side as part of the classic Star Wars story, and I love the twist on it where Kylo turning to the dark side was ultimately his choice and not because Luke failed him-- especially as killing Snoke didn’t flip him back to the light like when Vader killed the Emperor. But the heart of that particular recontextualization should be on the student-teacher relationship between Rey and Luke and not Kylo Ren sniveling like an infant. It walks a thin line of making Kylo Ren almost too sympathetic and forgetting how he ended up with the First Order to begin with. I don’t care how many puppy dog faces he makes; as shown by the end of the film, he’s not ready for redemption, if it will ever be in his grasp. His excess screentime of what we already know undermines Rey and Luke’s relationship which should be the focus of the former’s arc in The Last Jedi. But unfortunately, it isn’t as strong as it was with Luke and Yoda or Obi-wan and Anakin because the film has to juggle with a dozen other plotlines and characters.

Hopefully with J.J Abrams back in the directing chair, maybe he can steer the focus back on the films and what the fans really want. Granted, I don’t think The Last Jedi deserved nearly the level of vitriol it got within the last year, but even I couldn’t ignore some of the major problems and missed opportunities to get its themes across.

If you enjoyed this fix-it and what I do here, consider buying me a ko-fi to show your support!

[cas-backwards-tie]

Something New

Jason Todd x Reader + Damian

Request:  they go to a carnival or somewhere or a mall or a pet cafe with Titus,  doing a mother and son bonding kind of thing or family bonding! and then Damian starts to act like a normal kid, being excited and all without knowing it himself and when he does he gets all embarrassed and 'these are for kids' 😭😭👌❤ and maybe if they're doing family bonding Jason responds 'but you ARE a KID'. OH THEY CAN ALSO MAYBE TRY SOMETHING NEW, IDUNNO, THAT CAUSES DAMIAN TO MAKE WEIRD FACES XD maybe like, weird foods? I'M A TOTAL FOODIE CANT HELP IT XD I'M SORRY FOR THE SPAM, I just love the idea Damian being fluffy and cuddly- I LOVE KIDS they're so cutee.

Warnings: None?

A/N: This is for you @thatawesomenerdygirl, and literally I’m in such a Jason mood today! Also, if you haven’t seen a street carnival before, they do them a lot in Bolivia around the holidays so that’s what I’m referring to. I swear I’ve been to this carnival in Bolivia. Also, I was imaging Jason in this outfit from @inkydandy ‘s beautiful comic.

Despite everyone shipping me with Dick, I still love Jason <3 (I love Dick too)

“I can’t believe I actually got the both of you to go ice-skating! All because of that one comment.” You laugh whole-heartedly, clutching your stomach as you make sure your hat stays atop your head.

“Well, you weren’t wrong... ice-skating does require balance and skill.... something only a trained assassin would be able to easily maneuver.” Damian says cockily as a big grin displays itself across his face. Gripping Titus’ leash a little tighter Jason gives him a glare, soon turning into a smirk.

“One... why do you always have to talk like that? and, easily maneuver? You fell down literally almost thirty times!” Jason laughs, ending up with Damian giving him a death stare.

“You fell down just as much as me! Y/N had to hold your hands the whole time!” You try to contain your laughter as it was true... you really did have to hold Jason’s hands the whole time, which was really cute if you were being honest... however, Jason didn’t think this was cute considering his little brother learned to skate all on his own.

“Hey, hey! Let’s not fight, okay? It’s a nice day and okay, yeah... you both failed and fell a LOT, but whatever... you should’ve seen me the first time I went ice-skating, I fell down probably the same amount of times as well as held the railing the whole time” you joke, hoping to distract them.

“Really?” Damian asks with a child-like curiosity and intrigue. 

“Yeah! It was hilarious! Well.... not for me, but still... it takes practice, just like anything else.” You guys walk a little further with questions and small talk few and far between.

“Hey, look! Damian, have you ever had a funnel cake?” You nudge his side as you gesture with your head to the little street carnival a few yards away at the other side of the park.

“Funnel cake? What’s tha-”

“Remember when Grayson made us all go to the circus with him? And he gave you that dough-thing with powdered sugar and chocolate? that’s a funnel cake.” Jason explains as we walk down the fork of the path which leads to the small booths set up randomly along the path.

You were stumped. You wanted to get Damian to try something else new today, but what else was there... you looked at the signs and eventually you found it! “Okayyyy... BUT, have you tried fried oreos?” Jason raises a brow at you in question. Damian looks at you incredulously, as if you had suggested the most disgusting thing in the world.

“Fried... oreos?” Jason pulls his hat a bit further down, over his ears.

“Yeah... they sound gross, trust me- my friend had to practically force me to try them but they’re actually pretty good. Plus! We can get hot chocolate or apple cider or something.” You suggest as you take Damian’s hand and lead him over to the food booth.

“Why don’t you go pick out a table?” You grab quite a few napkins before stuffing them in Damian’s hands, shooing him over to the plastic picnic tables which stood in rows under another tent.

“I’ll pay.” Jason places Titus’ leash in his other hand while he fishes around in his coats pocket. Taking out his wallet he asks the man ‘how much’, before he pays. 

“Does your dog like treats?” an young women says as she stops in front of you, having interrupted her run judging by her outfit.

“Uh... yeah?” You’re skeptical, and hope this isn’t someone trying to poison Titus.

“Can I give him a treat? I just bring treats with me when I run because people always bring there dogs here.” She gestures to her fanny pack and unzips it, pulling out a small ziplock bag.

“Uh....” you look back at Jason who was chatting with the man inside the little kitchen as you waited for the food. “Sure” you offer a small shrug as you figure ‘why not?’. Everyone in Gotham isn’t a bad person.

The lady places the treat down in front of Titus, who just looks at it. “You can eat it Titus,” you chuckle lightly as he gives in, chomping up the small jerky-like treat the lady had placed on the ground. Titus licks his lips when he’s finished and looks up at the lady, wagging his tail subtly. “Thank you,” you smile at the woman, bidding her goodbye.

“Yeah, of course! I just like doing something for the dogs, you know?” She gives a soft smile before waving back and jogging off. Turning around you’re faced with Jason turning around with a paper plate in his hand. 

“Can you get the drinks?” He asks before gripping Titus’ leash a little tighter.

“Yeah, of course.” You give him a quick kiss on the cheek as you grab the drinks. Watching Jason blush even a little was the most heart-warming gift you could receive as you flustered him, walking ahead of him you make it to the picnic table Damian seemed to be waiting at impatiently. “Did you make a friend?” 

You laugh as you watch a baby sitting two tables away smiling at Damian with goo-goo eyes. Damian stares right back at the baby, not hesitating as he inspects it. “No... but they won’t stop staring! It’s kind of creepy.”

“So... Mr. J isn’t creepy but a baby is?” Your face contorts with an amused sort of confusion.

“I never said he wasn’t creepy, pleeeassee... he’s SO so creepy, but this baby...” Damian scrunches his nose in disgust.

“Do you really hate babies that much? What if you had a niece or nephew?” You question, sliding Damian’s apple cider towards him from across the table.

Jason chokes on his own drink as your eyes widen, whipping your head towards him. “Are you okay?” You reactively pat him on the back lightly. 

“Y-yeah...” Jason clears his throat before looking down at Titus and giving him a few pats on the head.

“Anyways, these are actually really good so everyone has to try one!” You watch and wait to take your own as Jason grabs one with no hesitation while Damian cautiously grabs one, inspecting it.

“Fried... oreos?” You nod at him, waiting for him to take a bite, “And it’s good...?” You nod again, encouraging him to go on.

You reach to grab your own as Damian slowly raises the ball to his mouth. As you reach to grab your own, Jason is reaching for his second and you just look at him giggling. “See, Damian? They’re good.” Looking from Jason to Damian you see Damian take his first bite, his face contorting to disgust.

“Do you not like it?” You feel a bit of minuscule guilt wash over you like a wave at having somewhat forced him to eat it.

“I don’t think I really tasted it.” Damian takes another bite, chewing it his face turns into one of contemplation, then to a surprised ‘not half bad’ frown as he nods his head. “They’re alright... they’re pretty good.” Damian gives his approval, leaving you to eat your own.

Walking along the booths Damian sees a dart game, “OOH! Can we play Y/N, pleeeasse?” Damian begs.

...Since when does Damian beg? What the hell? Okay... “Yeah, sure!” you reply cheerily as you race to the nearby tent, Titus running way faster than you, almost working you rather than the other way around. 

Once you’ve paid for your game Jason finally gets to the tent, standing between you and Damian. “Jason can play the winner, yeah?” You turn to Damian before you start throwing your darts, Damian already focused on the target. “Only if you want to” You turn to tell him.

“Okay... sure” You watch Jason smile before turning back to start your game. Going up against two trained vigilantes who can easily throw a batarang at a target more than five feet away, or even shoot a man from a ten yards away.... yeah... not your best challenged you’d set yourself up for, but it was more for fun than for the idea of winning.

“I won! I won!” Damian jumps up and down excitedly. The man asks Damian what small prize he’d like, and he looks up contemplating.

Damian picks out a stuffed baby Charmander as the man gives it to him he hugs it tight. “Those are for kids, Damian” Jason taunts, trying to get him to give a reaction in return.

“Uh-huh, okay Todd... you’re on.” Damian sets baby Charmander on the ledge of the booth and asks the man how to get the REALLY big stuffed animals.

Both of the boys take their time throwing their darts, Damian has his game face on as he hits the bullseye every time. “I won! Again!” Damian cries as the man asks which stuffed animal he wants this time. 

Jason grumbles to himself at the loss, figuring it’d be easy to beat his little brother. “Hey... if you really wanted the prize you can ask Dami to get it for you.” You smile at him, teasing him. 

Damian ends up getting a teddy bear three times his size which Jason has to carry on his back for him as Damian takes Titus, while I take Damian’s little Charmander. “And you said that they were for kids.” Damian scoffs.

“but you ARE a kid! And who said I wasn’t? I’ll always be a kid, right Babe?” Jason turns and kisses you chastely while still walking.

“Right!” You say cheerily, happy with how the day had gone.

You loved seeing Damian get to be a kid, as it always brought out the best parts of him, but you also loved seeing Jay get to be childish too... in a good way because sometimes he forgets the good things in life, and you’re determined to show him the good, little things every single day for as long as you live.

[psychosunflower-blog]

Size||Why don't we||Preference four♡

Summary: You struggle with your size, even though they think you are the most beautiful girl in the world.

Words:3406

Warnings:None

Requested:Not on here

A/n:Every single one of you are beautiful! Taken from my Wattpad:)

Daniel Seavey- You stood in the room you and Daniel shared at the Why Don't we house, your shirt rolled up to the bottom of your bra, as tears streamed down your face. When you were younger you were a little heavier than most, causing some asshole people to make fun of it and you. Over the last 2 years you had started working out 3 times a week and you had noticed a huge difference from how you once looked and felt, some of that having to do with working out and some of that having to do with Daniel, he had made you feel so incredibly beautiful. Your mental health along with your actual health had been improving so much and not a day went by where Daniel didn't tell you that he was proud of you and that you were beautiful, he knew how much you struggled with your self image and did anything he could to help you. But all the hard work you had seem to do undid its self a few days ago, the words replaying in your head over and over again.

You and Daniel had gone out to eat lunch, he had been so busy in the studio that he hadn't had much time to spend with you over the last week so he had taken you out to a nice lunch before you spent the day together.

After you had sat down, he excused himself to the bathroom after telling you want he wanted so you would order for the two of you.

When the waitress from the restaurant came over to the table where the two of you sat by the window you could instantly tell she wasn't in the best mood, so you tried to be extra nice and smile more, thinking maybe she had just dealt with a really rude person and could use one.

After you had told her what Daniel had wanted you glanced at the menu one more time before shutting it and tell her what you wanted. Instead of writing it down, she looked at you with an eyebrow raised.

"You sure you want to order that?" She asked, you looked at her confused. Was it bad?

"Yeah why?" You asked, your voice a little softer than it had once been.

"Its a lot of calories,Maybe try a salad honey. If you get any fatter he isn't gonna stick around" She laughed before writing down what you had once ordered and then snatched the menu from your hands and walked away, shaking her head in the process.

You looked down at your hands, tears brimming in your eyes.

You were taken out of your thoughts when Daniel opened the door and walked through, stopping right away when he saw the tears following down your face. You quickly shoved your shirt down and walked over to the bed, sitting down and wiping the tears away that were falling from your eyes.

"Baby, whats wrong?" he asked, shutting the door behind him and getting on the bed, sitting criss cross apple sauce facing you.

"Am I getting fat to you?" you blurted out, shock and sadness plastered his face. Daniel never really understood why you were so self conscious, from the moment he met you he thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and even though he was proud of you for working out and trying to better yourself he never even thought for a second that you needed to lose weight and he could've cared less if you gained. You would always be perfect to him, no matter what.

"What baby? No why would you ask that?" He asked, reaching his arms out and pulling you onto his lap, your head now leaning on his shoulder as your legs hung over his lap and on the bed.

"When we went for lunch the other day.. you went to the bathroom and when I ordered for myself she asked me if I was sure thats what I wanted because it was a lot of calories and she told me if I got any fatter you wouldn't stick around"You told him, not looking into his eyes anymore as you whispered the ended, not wanting to say it yourself.

"Excuse me?" He asked, anger breaking out all over his face.

"She said what?!" He hissed. He brought his fingers to your chin, making your head tilt up and your eyes connect with his.

"Y/n, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my whole life. I thought that from the moment you walked into the Bakery that day and Ive thought it everyday since. If you lose fifty pounds or gain fifty pounds you will still be the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. Please don't listen to a stupid girl like her. I love you so much babygirl and nothing you could ever say or do would make me leave you, even more so over something silly like weight. I love you for you, not what you look like.”

Jack Avery- You sat on the couch in the living room of the Why Don't we house, looking through the comments of the most recent post Jack had posted of the two of you. Hating yourself more as you continued.

You had always been skinny, skinnier than most. When you were 13 you were diagnosed with an over working thyroid, which meant it burned off an extreme amount of calories causing not a lot of fats to stay in your body. It was something you were extremely self conscious about, you felt like everyone judged you as soon as they saw you and being in a bathing suit was something you had absolutely hated, and of course that was what you were wearing in the photo. Daniel had taken the photo of the two of you when you, the boys and a few of their girlfriends had a pool party. From the moment Jack saw it he fell in love with it, the way the two of you were looking at each other seemed to capture the love you two shared, but what you and everyone seemed to see was how Skinny you were.

Wdwfanforever Does she even eat?

Seaveymydaniel her legs or a stick? 99% Of americans can't tell the difference

Jackypooavery Someone get this girl a burger

And that was just the start of them, there were hundreds of them,  basically all saying the same thing. On some level you had always hoped people wouldn't notice, that it was just a you thing but after today you knew it wasn't

"Hey baby whats up?" Jack asked, smiling at you as he walked in. You quickly shut your phone off and sat up to meet his eyes.

"Nothing really, just trying to figure out what show to watch on netlfix. I was texting Adi for some advice" You lied, giving jack a fake smile. The only other time you had gotten hate was when you two had first went public with your relationship and Jack was absolutely furious.

"Jack have you seen all the comments on your post?" Daniel frowned coming into the living room with his phone in his hand. While Jack looked to Daniel you shook your head fast, hoping he would get the hint and drop it, but Jack looked back at you before you could stop and scrunched his eyebrows together looking back and fourth between the two of you.

He pulled out his phone when you stopped him, taking his hands and phone in yours before making eye contact with him.

"Jack, really its nothing. Please just let it go and don't get angry" You pleaded, but then Daniel opened his mouth.

"Its not nothing Y/n!" He said, Daniel had been your best friend growing up, him being the one who introduced the two of you and he had always been protective of you.

"Daniel please!" You yelled standing up, looking at him somewhat angrily in his eyes.

"Would someone please tell me what the fuck is going on!" Jack said, now leaving his spot from the couch and standing up as well.

Daniel handed Jack his phone, of course already on the post with the comments on his screen.

Jack sat back down has his face fell, reading comment after comment.

"Could you give us a second?" He asked, talking to Daniel but not lifting his eyes up from the phone, not stopping reading more and more comments. Daniel didn't say anything, he just nodded and walked out of the room. He shut the phone off and threw it on the couch, sticking his hand up, reaching for yours. Once yours and Jacks hands connected he gently pulled you to him and sat you on his lap.

Jacks hands cupped your cheeks before his eyes locked with yours.

"When I first met you I knew I was falling in love with you when I saw you having that eating competition with Jonah, and the best part was you won" He started causing you to giggle but your eyes never unlocking with his.

"I know we never talk about how self conscious you are, I catch you looking at your body in the mirror after a shower or the way you feel uncomfortable when you aren't wearing a hoodie. I never bring it up because I never want to upset you, but so many times have I been sitting and watching you while you laugh or when you break out into those terrible dance moves of yours when one of our songs play and overtime all I can think about is how fucking beautiful you are. Y/n, you are the most beautiful girl Ive ever seen, everyday you take my breath away and weather you are 100 pounds or 200 pounds my opinion on you will never change" Once he finished you had tears threatening to fall, god you loved this boy.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, placing with the hair that laid around the base before putting your forehead on his.

"I love you so much Jack Avery"

Jonan Marias- "You aren't fat per say, you're just a plus size model" Your friend told you as you took a bite from your chicken wrap as the two of you were at lunch. You instantly stopped eating your food and put it back down on the plate your face dropping completely as you pushed the food away from you, no longer hungry.

"Excuse me?" a guy asked, raged filling his whole voice, looking between you're friend and you. You had no idea who he was, but he was hands down the most beautiful human you had ever seen in your life. He was tall and had brown hair, with the most beautiful blue eyes you had ever seen.

"What?" Your friend snapped, obviously not liking the tone he was using. The boy looked at her in disgust while you just sat there watching.

"Why would you say something like that?" He asked, you had no idea why a stranger would get so angry over a comment like this, your 'friend' said stuff like this to you all the time and even though you tried to get use to it, it still hurt a little.

"Well its the truth" She said, rolling her eyes as she took another bite of her salad.

"The truth? The truth is she is one of the most beautiful girls Ive ever seen. The truth is that when I walked through the door my heart started beating a little faster once I saw her. The truth is that she deserves a hell of a lot better friends than you" He snapped, causing a blush to break out on your face as the two of you locked eyes, he winked at you before turning his attention back to the bitch eating in front of you.

"I think Im gonna go, Call me next week" She snapped, picking up her bag and rolling her eyes.

"Yeah she won't be doing that. I hope you step in dog shit" He called just before she walked out the door causing you to explode into a fit of giggles.

"Now, Im Jonah and Id like to buy you coffee" He said, taking a seat where your friend had once sat.

"Im y/n" You smiled, looking into his eyes once again.

Zach Herron- The boys had gotten a brand deal with Adidas, they had pictures of a group and then each boys had pictures with a different girl, and of course you couldn't help but stair at Zachs picture. Although you knew it was a photo shoot you couldn't help but feel a pang in your chest, the way he was holding her skinny body, the way their faces were lit up with happiness, it hurt you. You always felt like Zach could do better, he could go out and find someone prettier, skinner, someone who would look better with him, but he chose you and everyday you wondered why more and more than the last.

"Whats wrong?" Jonah asked, walking outside to the patio where you sat, you hadn't realized the frown that was forming on your face until you looked up to see Jonah with a worried expression on his face. Since you had moved into the Why don't we house Jonah had become like an older brother to you, he cared about you the way a brother would and even Zach had to admit that the two of you had adorable brother/sister moments that the fans just loved.

He sat on the end of the lounge as you brought your feet up to your chest. You handed him your phone, his face filling with confusion.

"Why are you looking at this?" He questioned, feeling like he knew the answer already.

"Because look at her, he could do so much better than me. She's so much prettier than me, she's skinner and her smile looks amazing. The way they look at each other makes me realize that maybe Im not what Zach wants anymore, not when he knows he could have someone like her" You told Jonah.

"Y/n.." Zach said from behind you, causing you to jump. Your face went pale, not wanting him to hear the words that had left your mouth.

"Im gonna go" Jonah trailed off, putting your phone beside your feet and running inside, knowing that the two of you had a lot to talk about now.

Zach took Jonah's spot at the end of your feet, taking one of your hands in his.

"She will never be better than you, no one ever will be. No one else's eyes will sparkle like Diamonds in the sun, at least not like yours does. No ones laugh with make my heart melt completely overtime, not like yours does. No one will make me want to get out of bed everyday and make amazing things happen, not like you do. No one will make me fall in love all over again just by one simple kiss, not the way you do. You are one of a kind, you are it for me. Y/n your body is perfect to me, I love the way it fits in mine at night, I love the way your thighs touch and all your curves that seem to be placed in every right way. You are so fucking beautiful to me. All those girls you say I could get, I don't even notice them. Why would I when I already have my everything right in front of me?"

"I love you so much Zach Herron" You whispered before bringing his face close to yours, pressing your lips on his soft pink ones.

Corbyn Besson- Corbyn and the boys were having a pool party, at first you were a little excited. Although the idea of you in a bathing suit was something you weren't a fan of it was fine because you were comfortable with the boys and you knew that you wouldn't be judged. But your attitude changed quickly when Corbyn had told you that it was going to become more of a party as there were more people coming over. 'Great' You thought to yourself.

At first you had told corybn that you weren't going to come anymore, telling him that you weren't really a party person and He knew that a lot of people in the same space caused you anxiety but he had promised to stay right by your side the whole night and that you two would leave if it all got too over whelming for you. With his puppy dog face and his "Please baby's" You couldn't say no to the boy you were helplessly in love with so you said yes.

You were now at the party, in a bathing suit and feeling extremely uncomfortable, you stood outside by the pool, having a conversation with Jacks girlfriend who you were extremely close too and Corbyn.

"Im gonna go get us a drink okay? Ill be right back" He smiled, kissing your cheek and leaving. You had continued the conversation with Jacks girlfriend until a guy walked up to you, right away you could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Hey beautiful, why don't we go check out the rooms upstairs" He winked, the idea of throwing up had never sounded like a better idea.

"Um, I don't think her boyfriend would like that very much" Corbyn said coming back with two drinks in his hand, you looked him in the eyes, slightly thanking him for saving you.

"Eh its whatever. She's fat anyways" He chuckled, Cobyn put the drinks down and walked over to him.

"You might want to shut the fuck up" Corbyn snapped, his face red with anger.

"Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do if I don't?" The drunk man asked, stepping closer to Corbyn, who was now only inches apart from him. Corbyn brought his hand back, ready to punch the man when you grabbed it quickly and pulled him back. His eyes met yours and his face softened when he saw the tears threatening to fall.

"Its not worth it, please walk away" You told him, your voice breaking at the end. Jonah and the rest of the boys had heard what happen from Jacks girlfriend and all had rushed outside to see the scene that had just unfolded in front of you.

"Im gonna go get changed" You whispered, his eyes scanning yours before you let go of him and walked into the crowed house and up the stairs to Corbyns room where your overnight bag sat int the corner.

Once you had changed you decided to stay upstairs, not wanting any more social interaction for today, you had simply had enough. You were reading a book on your phone when the door opened and a still upset looking corbyn came walking in to see next to you.

"What he said wasn't true"He said, slightly gripping your chin and brought your face up to eye level.

"You are beautiful, inside and out. I love you y/n" He told you before bringing you into a kiss. He didn't need to give you some huge speech, the way he kissed you made you feel beautiful and honestly that was all you needed.

Maybe that guy didn't get to check out the rooms upstairs, but you and Corbyn did that night;).

_____

If you couldn't tell this imagine was about you struggling with your body. I wrote this because I know many people do, weather it be because you feel to big or too small. I personally struggle with body image issues and I know how it can effect people.

Im hoping that this made some of you feel better if you struggle with the same thing. But I just want you all to know that you are all extremely beautiful people!

[mickey-milkovichs]

to survive in peace and harmony ch. 1 - faith/buffy

~As the Scoobies are preparing for the battle with The First, Buffy is also dealing with her own problems such as 1) training the potentials and trying not to die, 2) Faith being back in town and 3) a never before heard of demon that is somehow able to kill her every night in her dreams. But what happens when Faith is apparently the only one who can slay the demon? Will they be able to move beyond their past in order to help each other? And what about the weird feelings they have to deal with when they're forced to share a bed...

(Season 7 shameless, angsty forced bedsharing AU!) ** warning for canon typical violence **

also on ao3!

*

He—or it—is coming at her again. The gelatinous blob rolls itself forward in a heaving motion and another mass bubbles up into existence right next to her. Its electric green tentacle, dripping pus from its many open orifices, swipes at her, narrowly missing the soft skin on the front of her neck. Buffy swings her sword at it again, but as usual, it passes through the being without causing even the slightest damage whatsoever. The green thing (monster, demon, God Buffy has no fucking idea) is spilling towards Buffy at rapid speeds now, looking almost like a giant sized river of green jelly running down someone’s giant sized cafeteria tray. Except Buffy knows better, and she knows what’s coming next. But not this time. She drops the sword and runs.

She runs and runs and runs, through the unfamiliar, empty city, so creepy and devoid of life, so far that her lungs feel like they’re about to burst and her legs are quivering. She almost thinks she’s made it this time, until she feels the icy cold goo run over her right foot and grab hold. It yanks her ankle and she pitches forward instantly, just managing not to smash her face on the asphalt highway as she catches herself with her hands. She can feel the wet mass slinking up over her back, slowly now, now that it knows that it has her, and she gives up. She allows her body to sink into the road and rest, finally. It’ll be over quickly. The slime slowly covers her form. It spreads out over the pavement until she’s completely encased, and then slowly, almost with a grotesque attempt at seduction, it starts filling her mouth. Even though Buffy knows that nothing will work, her body can’t help but try not to be invaded. Her stomach convulses as Buffy attempts to spit out the disgusting fluid, and when it doesn’t work she starts choking and coughing, trying to force the disgusting stuff back out of her throat. That doesn’t work either, and soon she can feel her entire body swelling, being consumed with and by the neon sludge. She’s growing light headed as her airway is completely cut off. Her head grows fuzzy and her eyes become clouded with black spots, and she feels the by-now familiar death spams beginning. It’s different from her other deaths. More violent, more visceral, more violating. The pus starts burning her organs away, but thankfully she’s unaware as her eyes roll back in her head and her chest stops moving. Buffy is dead.

Buffy stifles a scream and shoots up into a sitting position in her bed. She’s gasping for air, shaking as the memory of the dream runs through her mind over and over. She pulls the white sheet down off of her hot chest and wipes her trembling hand over her face, finding it damp with tears.

Well this is getting really freaking old, she thinks sarcastically, even as she’s trying to get control on her body’s outward signs of terror. She allows herself a few minutes to catch her breath, then hops out of bed, determined to clean up and scrub away any traces of the dream off her body before she goes back downstairs. They still have an apocalypse to deal with after all. Plus everyone will worry if they see her all freaked, especially Dawn. If there’s anything Buffy can do to ensure that her sister is not more scared then she has to be during this shit storm, she’ll do it. As she steps into the shower she notices that her right ankle is throbbing. Buffy looks down and sees that it’s puffy and swollen. It feels fractured, maybe broken, and the vaguely sick, achy feeling that her body’s developed over the last few days has gotten worse. Great.

Once Buffy’s washed and dressed she tip toes down the stairs, and takes a deep breath before plunging into the dire atmosphere of the living room. Even the fearless leader gets intimidated during let’s-all-discuss-how-we-can-possibly-not-die-y times. The group is huddled over some books that Giles has brought over. Willow is murmuring quietly in a worried tone, Kennedy standing behind her with a comforting hand on her shoulder. Xander is hunched over with his hand covering his mouth and chin, with Anya pretending to study a book while sneaking peeks at him.

“Buff! Nap time over?” Xander asks as he shakes himself from his worried state and notices her walking into the room. Buffy takes care not to limp or show any signs of pain.

“Yeah…. I’m rested enough for now,” Buffy replies as cheerfully as she can as she lowers herself into an armchair in the circle. “I figured I needed to stop slacking and come back down here and get cracking.” She frowns at her unintentional rhyme.

“You’re a poet!” Dawn crows as she laughs at Buffy’s embarrassed frowny face.

“I don’t think so. More like an...rhymey-word-user-person,” Buffy tries to quickly divert attention away as Dawn keeps laughing at her. “Anyway. Willow, what were you talking about just now?”

“Um...well, another potential’s dead. Her name was Jessica, she had almost made it to us...but they caught her running on foot just outside of Sunnydale. And Spike found a giant underground nest of ubervamps. He couldn’t take care of it himself, so he thinks we should gather up a group and go later. But...what about you? Any...dream wigginess?”

“There was...a little bit of dream wigginess,” Buffy answers reluctantly. She hates making people worry about her. She really wishes she had better news, and that Dawn wasn’t here to hear this right now. Sure, she may be as old as many of the potentials, but she’s her little sister, her responsibility.

Willow’s brow wrinkles anxiously. “Did you...die again?”

“Yeah. Same old, same old. They’re just dreams though, Will. Definitely not more pressing than the impending apocalypse. I’m almost getting bored of them actually. This guy’s gonna have to whip up something a little more original if he wants to get to me.” She hopes she’s hiding how scared and tired and defeated she actually is. She hasn’t told them about the aches and pains. Now’s so not the time to be Drama Buffy, she has to be Army Leader Buffy. Maybe she should have stayed with Riley. Aren’t boyfriends supposed to pick up the slack for their significant others, or is that exclusive to normal girls?

“Yes, of course, however it is concerning, Buffy,” Giles states as he rubs at the lens of his glasses. “Even in dreams, a monster defeating you over and over is quite unusual, and worrisome. The coincidence of the timing cannot be overlooked. If The First should have something to do with this, it could prove to be...extremely dangerous. And once we figure out what it’s plan is it might be too late. It bears looking into.”

“We’ve looked into it, Giles. And we can’t find any information on a giant gooey green demon thingy that can kill people in their dreams anywhere. If it is The First attacking, we have to focus on it’s more pressing forms of attack first: the ubervamps and the bringers. Girls are dying. And if it’s not The First, then the dreams can definitely wait. I’ll be fine.” General Buffy was out, and she wasn’t about to argue.

Giles purses his lips and adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose, but neglects to reply. Willow bites her lip and glances around the group uneasily. Dawn crosses her arms over her chest and sticks her bottom lip out in the patented Summers’ Pout, staring at Buffy with big blue eyes that seem to say you’re being dumb and an idiot.

“Look, Buffy, I’m gonna say what everyone else here is thinking,” Kennedy speaks up in a loud voice. “Don’t be a martyr. You want to make sure you do your job and that girls stop dying on your watch and that we kick this bitch in the ass, cool. But don’t go hurting yourself to make it happen. ‘Cause if we end up taking a fall ‘cause our de facto leader is compromised because she feels the need to crucify herself, that’ll be really stupid.”

Buffy closes her eyes and blows her breath out, trying to tame her annoyance so she won’t snap at the potential. “That’s not what I’m doing, Kennedy, but thanks as always for your input. We have no leads on this dream stuff. We do, however, have leads on the other stuff. So that’s what I’m suggesting we focus on. If you come up with a better plan, make sure to let me know,” Buffy looks intently at Kennedy, who just stares back. “Great,” Buffy turns her gaze to Willow, “now, where’s Spike? Let’s come up with a plan for taking out this vamp nest. And...Faith? She should probably be here if she actually wants to help.” Buffy’s still having a hard time with this whole Faith being around thing, but she’s trying to hide it, or at least not make it super obvious. It probably isn’t working though. But Jesus, Faith just waltzes back into her life, bringing all of her usual chaos along for the ride and all of Buffy’s old negative feelings back up to the surface, basically throwing gas on the forest fire that is this entire situation, and everyone just expects Buffy to be totally cool with it?

“Spike will be back soon. He’s checking that any stray ubervamps from the nest haven’t wandered too close to camp. He said he’ll take out any individual ones he sees, and come get us for groups. I sent Faith grocery shopping—or more like grocery looting—with the potentials. They should be back soon too.”

“I bet she’s having fun with that,” Buffy cracks a small smile thinking about Faith trying to manage dozens of rowdy teens in an abandoned shopping center. Serves her right.

[sucaritra]

Bāṛi - Chapter 13

Word Count: 1937

Warnings: language, anxiety, Negan

Summary: haircut and dinner

A/N: so sorry for the wait! let me know how i’m doing

Masterlist

“I wanna cut your hair.”

“You're not going anywhere near my hair.”

“Oh, please?! I love Negan but it gets so damn boring in the boudoir. C’mon, let me at least even it out a little?”

“Hmm.” At Sherry’s pitiful puppy dog eyes, you conceded. “Fine! I guess it could do with a trim.”

You managed to finish work a little early today and met up with Sherry in the stairwell for a quick smoke. James was out scavenging who knows where and everyone else will still be working, so you figured hanging out with Sherry would be better than going back to your room.

With all of the new residents streaming in over the past few months, the communal living area was even more cramped and smellier than ever. You tried to spend as little time in there as possible these days.

Waiting for Sherry to be done with her smoke, you catch sight of Mason making his way up the stairs. He doesn't linger, sending a wink your way as he marches on up, heading towards Negan’s office.

Following Sherry through the double doors and down the corridor towards the boudoir, you try and take in everything you can. Though you have walked past the fifth floor doors everyday on your way up to the office, and not to mention your, albeit slightly odd,  friendship with Sherry, you have never actually seen what Negan and his wives’ living area is like.

Suffice it to say, you were pretty damn curious.

The corridor alone was better looking than the rest of the Sanctuary, with various artwork lining the walls and fake potted plants dotted along as you went.

You followed Sherry through a set of intricately carved wooden doors that were just a touch more extravagant than the office doors, immediately feeling as though you’d entered another world.

Rich, velvet curtains, plush rugs, ottomans, chaise lounges - the room had it all and more. You were in complete awe of the luxury these women were living in. You knew that they had it good, being with the boss and all, but you had no idea of the sheer amount of grandeur they resided in. While it’s not exactly a huge surprise, given who Negan is and his tendency for showmanship, it sure was jarring to the senses.

“This is fucking amazing.” Your wide eyes greedily took in everything around you, before landing where the glorious smell of a home-cooked meal was coming from. To the right of you was a modest sized kitchenette where two of the wives were busy cooking.

Taking notice of you, they both smile politely before quickly resuming their tasks, flitting from one countertop to another.

“That's Tanya and Kira. Lovely girls. You'll like ‘em.”

Turning back to Sherry, half forgetting she was even there, you find that she's already walking away from you down a little narrow hallway to the left. Unsure if you're meant to follow, you slowly make your way towards her direction, only to awkwardly stumble back to avoid colliding with her as she promptly returns holding a little cosmetics bag.

“C’mon, this way.” It was quite amusing watching Sherry take charge and order you about, considering your entire friendship was just you stealing her cigarettes.

You follow her into a decent sized bathroom, closing the door behind you, and frown at her when she gestures you to sit in the chair she’s placed facing away from the sink.

“I said just a trim. You don't need to wash my hair for that.”

“Oh, c’mon, let an ol’ girl have some fun.”

“This is your idea of fun?”

“It’s what I used to do before. I miss it. I don't get to do it nearly as much as I’d like to these days.”

Rolling your eyes at her second attempt to manipulate you with her doe eyes, you exaggerate a sigh before dropping down in the chair. Placing a towel around your neck, Sherry gently tips your head back and begins the process of shampooing and conditioning your hair.

And that's when it happens.

You have no idea where it came from, but all of a sudden you find yourself trying to stifle your sobs as waves of tears pour from your eyes. You're suddenly feeling incredibly overwhelmed and try to regulate your breathing as you feel Sherry softly comb your hair with her fingers to evenly distribute the shampoo all the way through.

Alarmed, Sherry takes notice of your hitching breath and abruptly stops.

“Oh my god, did I hurt you? Did I get shampoo in your eye? What's wrong?”

“Nothing! Nothing, really, I think. I don’t even know why I’m so upset!” Your voice wobbles terribly and you're sniffling, trying to regain your composure, but it’s a losing battle.

“Oh, sweetheart! It’s okay! Aw, it’s alright. Believe it or not, this isn't the first time this has happened.”

“Really?”

Smiling sweetly at your hopeful expression, she replies, “Really! Honestly, the first time I did Amber’s hair she started bawling her eyes out. It’s just one of those things, getting your hair done, get’s you feeling all nostalgic and thinking about the times before, about your life before all of this mess, all of the simple things you didn't realise you missed and the people left behind.”

You mulled that over, realizing why it was that you suddenly fell apart.

“I think it was ‘cause the last person to wash my hair like this was my mum.” A broken sob escapes your lips before you’re able to continue, “we hardly ever went to the hairdressers, only occasionally treating ourselves on our birthdays since it was always too expensive for us to go regularly. I try not to think about her, you know, cause it’s too hard to accept the real possibility of what's happened to her. And I feel so guilty for not thinking about her, cause I miss her so fucking much… I just… I don’t know, too much is just hitting me at once.”

Sherry, bless her fucking heart, listens sympathetically to your ramble before hugging you tightly with shining eyes. You imagined she was thinking of her own family as she held onto you a little tighter, breathing deeply. No words were said, because, truly, there are no words for such a shitty positions that everyone has found themselves in now.

After pulling apart and regaining your composure, Sherry gets back to work on your hair. She finishes quickly, which you're wholly grateful for as you were feeling a little embarrassed over your breakdown. You pushed those feelings away and concentrated on watching Sherry in the mirror as she grabs a comb and scissors.

“So, are you gonna tell me what's going on with you and James?” she raises an eyebrow at you through the mirror before diverting her attention back to your hair.

“I’m not too sure really. I mean, I like the guy, but we haven't spent enough time together. I see him about once or twice every couple of weeks, and I really enjoy myself when I’m with him, but it’s just too much time apart. I like him though, and he's said he likes me. This is the last run he's on now though, for the winter supplies, so once he's back we’re gonna spend some time together. I wanna see if there's anything real there or if I just like the way he looks, you know what I mean?”

“Mm, I get you. You can't really commit to any feelings right now can you? He is a good guy, you'd go well together. Plus, he’s very easy on the eyes.”

Sherry’s little eyebrow wiggle had you trying to fight back a laugh so as not to ruin the cuts she's making, before replying, “mhm, that he is.”

Waiting a beat, Sherry asked, “what about Mason? Don't think I didn't catch that little wink he sent you before.”

“Nah, that's all harmless. He's just nice to me. We get along well. Besides, I’m just trying to take this one man at a time.”

After your haircut, Sherry blow-dried your hair, smacking your hand away when you tried to put it into a bun once she was done. Glaring at her back, you follow her out of the bathroom to find the relaxed form of Negan lounging on one of the plush couches with a drink in hand.

“Ooh la la, you ladies doing something you're not supposed to do in that fucking bathroom?”

You scrunch your nose in disgust at the lecherous grin seemingly glued to his face.

“Behave, Negan. I was giving her a haircut.”

Narrowing his eyes slightly at Sherry, he asked “what was wrong with her hair before?”

Rolling her eyes as she made her way towards the kitchenette, Sherry replied, “nothing, I was just evening it out a little, she wouldn't let me do much else to it.”

You tried not to get offended at them talking about you as if you weren't even there.

Looking back at you, Negan commented, “yeah, it was looking a little ratty before.”

Oh, now you were fucking offended. Though, before you could get a word in, the man was talking again.

“You staying for dinner?”

That surprised you.

“Um… I don't know. What are you having?”

“Lasagna!” a voice shouted from the kitchenette, coming from the curly-haired woman, Kira.

This really was paradise. Lasagna?! When was the last time you had that? Definitely not since the shit hit the fan.

Rising from his seat, Negan threw an arm over your shoulder and led you to the dining table, pulling a chair out for you like the gentleman you knew he wasn't and taking a seat next to you.

The food was absolutely amazing, and though you did feel a little out of place at the start, surrounded by all of the wives, they made sure to include you in conversation and regale you with stories about themselves to make you feel a little less anxious.

You were enjoying a particularly amusing story Kira was recounting regarding Negan’s, surprising, arachnophobia - “That fucker was the size of my fist, of course I’d get away from the hairy bastard!” - when you felt and heard something that literally shook you to your core.

An almost deafening bang was heard, quickly followed by the entire building shaking. Dust rained down on you from the ceiling as cutlery dropped from the table. Shouting a quick order through the noise, Negan grabbed the back of your shirt and pulled you down under the table, making sure the wives all followed. You could hear the unmistakable crack of the windows fracturing from the pressure of whatever the fuck just blew up out there and you were suddenly entirely grateful to have Negan’s arm still over you, shielding you from whatever damage may arise.

After what felt like forever, and once Negan deemed it safe enough to do so, you all scrambled out from under the table and immediately made a beeline for the windows. Luckily, none of them had shattered and only a couple of them had cracks running through them.

Looking out over the Sanctuary, you could see the residents and Saviors running around and panicking, wondering what the hell had just happened and if they were under attack.

“Holy. Shit.”

Drawing your eyes up to Negan, you follow the direction of his eyesight to find the source of his ashen face.

Out in the distance, thick black smoke quickly rose through the air, visible even in the quickly darkening sky, the base of which glowed orange.

tagging: @neganisking @backseat-negan @jdms-network