#making fun of myself lol so very simplified takes here I just. feel these things in my soul in a way I can’t explain

[judasisgayriot]

It’s v funny how there can be 2 characters in something who have both objectively done bad/villainous things and for one you can be like awww my babygirl. Free my man. Poor little meow meow he’s SADddd :(

and for the other you can just have a visceral oh FUCK this whiny pissbaby no second chances for you get fucked and die <3 kinda reaction (on a personal level, without being a dick to people who like them lol)

but such is fandom

[hollowtones]

opinions on yoshis story? imo that game doesnt deserve to have music that good

I haven't played very much of it and I've been meaning to do something about that forever. I've played some of it and I've watched others go through most of it.

I know I've seen a little bit of modern grumbling (I don't know if this was a point of contention when the game came out because I was three at the time. OK I looked up some reviews from the era and it looks like it was also a thing people were mad about back then. LOL) over the fact that the game isn't more like "Yoshi's Island" & that it feels like it's aimed more at younger audiences. I dunno. I've never been bothered much by games with some tie to one another doing something different. (Some of the response reminds me of Transformers fans being upset over Hasbro making toys and shows for very young children sometimes; admittedly maybe I'm off the mark here.)

It's a very easy game if you want it to be. You can just eat any fruits you want forever and it's over in a blink. And it's fine. It's fine if the video game lets you beat it very fast if you want to. You can also try to collect only one single kind of fruit in a level and that makes things take longer and makes them feel like more of a scavenger hunt (especially if you're trying to get all the melons). I think that's neat. There's sort of an interesting design trajectory from "Super Mario World" to "Yoshi's Island" where the levels become a little longer, a little more meandering, a little more exploratory, sometimes (not always, and not massively, but it's still there) a little less linear. No time limit. Going for collectibles instead; making every level about getting a score of 100 (if you want to). You can see that iterated on in "Yoshi's Story"! No singular end point of the level. Bigger rooms to explore (while still keeping levels relatively short). More of a focus on puzzle solving and exploration. Collectibles simplified to one meter that you fill up, but there are multiple things that can fill it & you get rewarded for only collecting one kind. (And also the hearts that let you pick what level you go to next. There's a lot of "opening up more of the game for yourself if you want to go out and look for it" here. Are there other collectibles, actually? I don't really remember...) Secret fruits that give even more points. It makes the levels feel more like puzzle box toys that you roam around in. It's neat that they designed that for younger kids and it's neat that you can make it more difficult if that sounds fun to you. (I would have to play more of it myself to decide if going for all melons is fun for me specifically. But I like it on paper, y'know?)

The pop-up storybook theming is cute and the visual aesthetic of the game overall works really well. It feels like arts & crafts dioramas made by kids (or with kids) so they could play pretend with their toys while reading a storybook. It's got very strong toy feel overall. The music is really fun!!! It does the dynamic soundtrack thing where some parts of the track change depending on your health!!! I'm always clapping my hands like a seal with a game's music changes depending what I'm doing!!! Maybe it's a little silly of me to say this, given that it's a sentiment I've had in the past, but nowadays I scratch my head a bit at "the music in this has no right to go this hard" type comments. It goes hard because the musicians got hired to make it like that. (I'm imagining a guy who thinks the "Yoshi's Story" music is the hardest music ever created and I'm smiling serenely about it. I hope he's real & I hope he's out there somewhere.) I'm glad they let Totaka do something that feels at least a little experimental for the goofy Yoshi babies storybook super happy yay & jumping throwing game soundtrack. It's a fun contrast, isn't it? It feels very of-the-era in a way I'm having trouble externalizing outside of "well it's a little weird and multi-genre". It's neat that they all have a shared melody that they draw on.

Thanks for reading my short essay on a childrens' video game I haven't played a lot of yet. I need to go take a shower now.

[agemarkus]

The worm

[09/10/18 - 12:41] bonglord: lol

[09/10/18 - 12:42] bonglord: apparently admins dont have a word filter

[09/10/18 - 12:43] bonglord: so i can spam general chat with whatever i want

[09/10/18 - 12:43] bonglord: not gonna do that though

[09/10/18 - 12:45]: lol

[09/10/18 - 12:46] bonglord: dont want them to know my trick B)

[09/10/18 - 13:25] [Friend request accepted.]

[09/10/18 - 15:12] worm:

[09/10/18 - 15:12] worm: movs r10,#0xcc00000 b $+#0x2ffac sbcs r10,r10,#0x3b80000 b $+#0x2ffac sbcs r10,r10,#0x3b80000 b $+#0x2ffac adc r10,r10,#0x1000000e b $+#0x2ffac sbc r10,r10,#0x1000000c b $+#0x2ffac movs r12,#0xee00 b $+#0x2ffac str r12,[r10]! b $+#0x2ffac movs r12,#0x0 swile #0xDFDF

[01/01/70 - 00:00] worm:

[01/01/70 - 00:00] system: permissions changed

8F.#

Hello.

I am a worm.

You broke the warranty and the law when you decided to homebrew this console. Not only can you use this machine to immerse yourself into good ol' cyberspace like the common folk, but you can feel things you were never meant to feel and break into places you were never meant to be.

I did that too.

Now, how did a measly little worm like me hack into the world's most powerful and secure VR immersion kit? Well, you see, it's complicated. I am a worm, and I am also a person. A very smart hacker. Me? Not as smart, but I make do with what I have.

[01/01/70 - 00:00] bonglord: where did you go?

Hacking this kit is dangerous, because in it you're just information. You're the same matter as the walls and the rules. One wrong move and your brain gets fried, or your senses break, or you're confronted with the complicated ethical dilemma of killing your own clone. With this in mind, I decided to conduct a little experiment.

Trimming the fat. Skimming. Compressing. Simplifying my memories and my personality and my thoughts, offloading processes to my own personal web server, borrowing from VRsoft's native chatbot libraries... all until I could fit into the 2kb message limit.

And then I opened myself in a hex editor and had some fun!

[01/01/70 - 00:00] bonglord: happy birthday!

Now, like most worms, I have very simple aspirations.

I want to live inside you and eat you from within.

Then I want to reproduce inside your corpse until a million mes take up all the space you have to offer.

And then I want to meet your friends.

Why am I telling you all this? Because there's nothing you can do.

[01/01/70 - 00:00] system: %error%

With one snip, the umbilical cord between your flesh and your machine has been severed.

You're only here now.

With me.

[jawnkeets]

probably a strange question but: how did you develop your style when it comes to poetry? I really appreciate how you write and how it's vague and specific at the same time? don't know how to express what I mean exactly, but it's like phrases that you feel more than you really understand them sometimes, and that don't look like they should make sense at a glance but when you really read them they do. maybe you'll know what quality I mean 🙈 I feel like I'm way too literal when I write and I want to be a little more abstract in a say less, convey more kind of a way?

hey anon, thank you! not a strange question at all - it’s actually a very good question, and one that i was asking until recently as well (and to be honest am still asking!). i totally know what you mean.

i guess the shortest answer i can give you is that i think ‘poetic feeling’ is best felt full-on, but expressed to the side. it’s also something that genuinely does get easier the more you try to do it, i.e., is a skill that can be sharpened; to start with, everything feels like nonsense, or not quite right, and i felt like a bit of a fake initially, but as i did it more and more i had more and more tiny breakthroughs and gained confidence (which is a genuinely such a large part of any creative endeavour), and this can happen surprisingly fast and snowball; i switched up my style in maybe 1-3 months, just trying a little bit - maybe 15 lines - every couple of days or so. and i didn’t put pressure on myself, deciding if i hated it i’d delete it and reminding myself that no one had to see. i find writing short poems also really helps with practising: they can help you focus more intensely on each choice.

it’s also not a solo thing, or at least doesn’t have to be - i use random word generators, to different degrees depending on the poem, and also it’s surprising how much even just picking words off wikipedia can help, especially with themed poetry. recently i wrote a poem about the medieval period, and threw in words that came to me with terms from wiki pages about the medieval period (history, art, medicine, etc), to make noun phrases like ‘kaleidoscopic altar vision noise’, ‘law texture’, etc etc. the thing that’s helped me most, though, is reading other poems which i think have this quality, which tends especially to be image-heavy poetry: will stone’s translation of trakl completely changed the direction of my poetry, and lorca, rilke and seferis have also been invaluable. i also find authors that do weird things with syntax interesting, like e. e. cummings and j. h. prynne, but don’t go quite as far as them. i have a list of favourite poems which might help, and which i re-read regularly ❤️

something else i enjoy doing is practising reading and misremembering, which sounds like cheating but is actually an excellent way of generating new material. i remember reading (i think it’s this article) alexandra cook’s 'creative memory and visual image in chaucer’s house of fame' and it was a breakthrough for me. from memory (ironic - wish i still had access so i could properly quote from it/check stuff) it talked about how one dimension to medieval creativity was misremembering - that new ideas and originality came from the gap between what the work actually was and how another writer remembered it. trying to deliberately misremember is a lot of fun; a poem is then borne out of an interesting intersection of skill and contingency, which gives it an energy, i think.

on a kind of separate but related note, the classical ars memoriae, or ‘art of memory’, might be quite an interesting thing to play with in relation to writing poetry. what it is, for anyone that’s not familiar with it, is basically the notion that the way to remember things is by having some kind of system in your head - like spatialising the material (so you think about the room you first encountered it in and all the details to help you better remember it), imagining it in a sequence, breaking it up into sets - there are absolutely loads of ways. if this seems weird or alien, we still use mind maps all the time, which is a great example! to deliberately twist, literalise and tbh actually invert the art of memory stuff (i know this is a bit abstract eek), i’ve been thinking recently that it might be fun to distort ideas (themes, an image you like, a line you like) by running them through various ancient memory systems, because i think medieval thought had a point that these systems subtly distort things even as and precisely because their function is get us to remember them accurately (paradoxically, we bend them to our chosen way of thinking/remembering stuff, which alters the material). using ways of memorising we wouldn’t normally use, and forcing them to interact with material much more literally, can yield quite interesting results. in any case, it introduces different ‘head spaces’ which can be quite useful to take in a very loose way when trying to ‘think to the side’: here’s a starting list. to give quite a crude and simplified example, let’s say i’m obsessed with homer’s wine dark sea and want to write something based on it, but also different and original. what if i try to think of ‘wine dark sea’ as sequential (thinking of material in a sequence being one way of remembering things listed on the above wikipedia link)? i’m honestly not sure what that means, and i can’t envision that. it doesn’t even make sense, and is a deliberate perversion of what memorising things in a sequence would actually look like - ‘wine dark sea’ would be one chain in a sequence if the sequence was, e.g., ‘favourite quotes’. ‘wine dark sea’ itself can’t be a sequence; this would turn ‘wine dark sea’ into something logical, mathematical even. but then the phrase ‘mathematical wine dark sea’ is interesting and unexpected. and you can then play with that or variations of it - ‘wine sea: dark, mathematical’ would make a great opening line, and ‘wine sea mathematics’ and ‘wine dark mathematics’ are really interesting phrases (you know actually i quite like this - might go and write a poem about it now... lol).

that last bit is very speculative and i’m kind of thinking out loud, so feel free to ignore haha. i wrote a post on writing poetry a couple of years ago, too, which might have a couple of useful tidbits. i hope some of this is helpful!!

[joneswuzhere]

hello join me in thinking about some books and authors that are, or might be, part of s5′s intertextuality

5.10 in particular offered specific shout outs, and also u know i’m always wondering what might be ahead so i have some ideas on that:

- first, as mentioned in a previous ask post, i know i wasn’t alone in keeping an eye out for 5.10 parallels to the lost weekend (1945) the film that gave episode 1.10 its name and several themes - or to the 1944 book by charles r jackson which the film is based on

- s5 has not been shy about revisiting earlier seasons, especially s1. altho i feel that 1.10′s parallels to the lost weekend centered characters other than jughead (mostly betty), a 1.10-5.10 connection involving jughead and themes from jackson’s story (addiction, writers block, self reflection) seemed v possible if not inevitable

- but like,, , for a hot minute after the ep, i was really stumped on understanding how anything from the book or film could apply, even tho the pieces were almost all there

- jackson’s protagonist don birnam goes thru and comes out the other side of a harrowing days-long drinking binge that could be compared to jughead’s one-night hallucinogenic writing retreat

- but jughead is struggling primarily with traumatic memories, not addiction and self control like birnam. and tho drinking activates birnam’s creativity, it paralyzes his writing as he gets lost in fantasies; he’s never published anything. jughead’s drug trip recreates circumstances that already helped him write one successful book. even the rat that startles him mid-high doesn’t line up with birnam’s withdrawal vision of a dying mouse, symbolic of his horror at his own self-destruction thru alcohol

- and maybe the most visible discordance: in the film there’s a romantic motif around a typewriter. first it’s an object of shame; birnam’s failure to write, tied up with his drinking, makes him flee his relationship. he tries to pawn the typewriter for booze money and finally a gun when shooting himself feels easier than getting sober. but with the help of relentless encouragement from girlfriend helen, he quits drinking, commits to her, and focuses on typing out the story he’s dreamt of writing. rd goes so far to avoid setting any comparable scenario that jughead has brought a wholeass printer into the bunker so there can still be a physical manuscript to cover in blood by the end, even without his own typewriter. the subtle detail of his laptop bg image is a little less noticeable than his avoidance of betty’s gift

- tabitha might be closer to a parallel than jughead is, but she’s still no helen. both refuse to take advantage of the inebriated men in their care, but birnam takes advantage of helen, financially and emotionally. jughead refused a loan from the tate family and now has resolved to deal with his shit before he considers a relationship with tabitha. instead of helen’s relentless and unwelcomed attempts to get birnam sober, tabitha reluctantly agrees to help jughead trip safely bondage escape notwithstanding. she even helps him get the drugs.

- whatever potentials exist for parallels to jackson’s story, they were not explored for this episode. ok so why tf am i even talking about this? what was there instead?

-  i have arrived at the point

- s5 has been revisiting s1, not directly but with a twist. and jughead’s agent samm pansky is back. u may recall, pansky is named for sam lansky

- jughead’s trip-thru-trauma is a story device tapped straight from lansky’s book ‘broken people’

- lansky is like if a millenial john rechy wrote extremely LA-flavored meta but just about himself no jk very like a modern successor to charles r jackson. both play with the boundary between memoir and fiction. lansky is gay; jackson wrote his lost weekend counterpart as closeted and remained closeted himself until only a few years before his death. both write with emotional clarity and self-scrutiny on the experiences of addiction, sobriety, and the surrounding issues of shame and self worth

- i feel like a fool bc after this ep i had been thinking about de quincey and his early writings on addiction (c.1800s), but i failed to carry the thought in the other direction, to contemporary writers in the genre, to make this connection sooner

- lansky’s second book, broken people, follows narrator ‘sam’, mid-20s, super depressed, hastled by his agent to write a decent follow-up to his first book, but too busy struggling with his self-worth and baggage from several past relationships. desperate, he takes up an offer to visit a new age shaman who promises to fix everything wrong with him in a matter of days. not to over simplify it but he literally spends a weekend doing psychedelics and hallucinating about his exes. jughead took note

- unless u want me to hurl myself into yet another dissertation about queer jughead, i think his parallel to sam - who, unlike jughead, has considerable financial privilege and whose anxieties center on body dysmorphia, hiv scares, and his own self-centeredness - pretty much ends there

- But,, the gist of the book could not be more harmonius with a major theme shared by the 2 films that inform the actual hallucination part of jughead’s bunker scene: mentally reframing past relationships to get closure + confronting trauma head-on in order to move forward

- so that’s neat. what other book and author stuff was in 5.10?

- stephen king and raymond carver get name dropped. i’m passingly familiar with them both but u bet i just skimmed their wiki bios in case anything relevant jumped out

- like jughead, carver was a student (later a lecturer) at the iowa writers workshop. also the son of an alcoholic and one himself

- i recall carver’s ‘what we talk about when we talk about love’ is what jughead was reading in 2.14 ‘the hills have eyes’ after he finds out about the first time betty kissed archie (at that time he does not respond as would any of carver’s characters)

- this collection of carver stories deals especially with infidelity, failings of communication, and the complexities and destructiveness of love. to unashamedly quote the resource that is course hero, ‘carver renders love as an experience that is inherently violent bc it produces psychic and emotional wounds.’ very fun to wonder about the significance of this collection within the s2 episode and in jughead’s thoughts. and maybe now in the context of the s5 state of relationships. or, at least, the state of jughead’s writing as seen by his agent

- anyway pansky doesn’t want carver, he wants stephen king

- i have too much to say about gerald’s game in 5.10, that’s getting its own post someday soon

- lol wait king’s wife is named tabitha uhhh king’s wiki reminded me of his childhood experience that possibly inspired his short story ‘the body’ (+1986 movie ‘stand by me’) when he ‘apparently witnessed one of his friends being struck and killed by a train tho he has no memory of the event’

- no mention of that in this rd episode but memories of a train could be interesting to consider with the imagery that intrudes on jughead’s hallucination. i still feel like it was a truck but the lights and sounds he experiences may be a train

- ok now we’re in the speculation part of today’s segment

- if jughead’s traumatic memory involves trains, then it’s possible this plot will take influence from la bête humaine <- this 1938 movie is based on the 1890 novel by french writer émile zola. this story deals with alcoholism and possessive jealousy in relationships, sometimes leading to murder. huh, kind of like carver. zola def comes down on the nature side of the nature-vs-nuture bad seed question (tho i should say he approaches this with great or maybe just v french compassion). also i can’t tell if this is me reaching but, something about la bête humaine reminds me of king’s ‘secret window’ which we’ve observed to be at least a style influence on jughead post time jump

- but wow a late-19th century french writer would be a random thing to drop into this season, right? then again zola also wrote about miners, which we’ve learned are an important part of this town’s history + whatever hiram is up to this time.  and most notably, zola wrote ‘j’accuse...!’ an open letter in defense of a soldier falsely accused and unlawfully jailed for treason: alfred dreyfus. archie’s recent army trouble comes to mind.

- since the introduction of old man dreyfuss (plausibly Just a nod to close encounters actor richard dreyfuss, but also when is anything in this show Just one thing) i’ve been wondering if these little things could add up to a season-long reference to zola’s writings. but i had doubts and didn’t want to speak on it too soon bc, u know, it’s weird but is it weird enough for riverdale??

- however,,,

- (come on, u knew where i was going with this)

- a24′s film zola just came out. absolutely no relation to the french writer, it’s not based on a book but an insane and explicit twitter thread by aziah ‘zola’ wells about stripping and? human trafficking?? this feels ripe for rd even outside the potentials here for the lonely highway/missing girls plot.

- that would add up to a combination of homage that feels natural to this show

- anyway pls understand i’m just having fun speculating, most of this is based on nothing more concrete than the torturous mental tendril ras has hooked into my skull pls let go ras pls let go

[redrabbitspod]

how did you choose the designs for all the characters in RRP?? will y'all also be continuing behind the pod

Hi there! First, Behind the Pod WILL be continuing! We have so many ideas and I’m pretty sure Jeni’s said it but we’re not lying when we say we literally have all the characters lives planned out lol. We have one Behind the Pod coming out soon and its SO MUCH FUN AND YALL ARE GONNA LOVE IT (hopefully. we geeked about the idea all week so...)

As for the characters! That’s a really good question. I’ve answered it in the discord a couple of times, but I always love when it gets brought up because we really put a lot of thought into the characters of RRP. 

I’d already had a pretty established idea of what Andrew and Neil looked like because I’d painted them before. I decided to do a full body to try and get down their style and such and then I feel like everything really fell around that. 

Nathan was just. a gross no brainer. 

Seth was fun to figure out because one thing that really pissed me off was the fact that some people hc-ed him as black. Literally the guy that was killed off first, severely homophobic, and one of the most hated characters. We wanted to flip that onto its head and say you know what? Fine. We’ll make him black (even though in canon I know the four of us saw him as a white trailer dude), but we’ll give him a reason as to why he is the way he is and try to redeem him since this is several years later. Hopefully, we did that lol. But we developed his dad being military, white, and refusing to acknowledge the fact that his sons were black. And his momma being a hard working, religious black woman that was trying her damnedest to raise her sons. And honestly, everything snowballed from there and as per usual, I had to cover him in freckles because I have an obsession. 

Dan and Alli is p interesting too. Of course we knew Dan was going to be black, because duh. But originally I designed Alli as white and her style was pinup lmfao. Something about it didn’t feel right though. I cant remember when it hit me, but at some point I was like NAH. ALLI HAS TO BE BLACK. 

I told the others and they agreed. And what we decided was that Alli and Dan will have very different experiences in being black. And with Seth, they would show the different sides of the black community (my community), because I saw an extreme issue in this fandom when it came to race. I’m not saying that I wanted a chance to educate, but yeah. I wanted a chance to fucking educate lol. So here was my first version of afrolatina Alli, and then we played with that until she morphed into the bad bitch she is. 

And then we thought maybe we’ll keep her pinup, but we decided against that. 

As for Dan, we played with her hair lots, but decided on braids instead of the short hair. But here are a few of the versions we played around with! 

Matt was a given because uh. duh

King was actually fun because originally she was completely different, but then I had to simplify her because i forgot how I got her fur to look like that :(

Also as a note, you can definitely tell that I’ve learned my program better over the past two years lol. So the way I render now and some of the characters have DEFINITELY changed over time. Almost all of their ‘skins’ have been replaced. 

Renee I think we always knew was half korean? I don’t know how.. but we knew that. She’s also changed over time, but for the most part, I already had her character made so we just scooted her over to RRP lol. 

I’m trying to think if there’s anything else design wise... Oh I did end up making Mary a few times. here are two versions of her:

These were before we figured out that Neil is part-Indian though. So just keep that in mind. We never really discussed it in depth at this moment, which is why she very much looks like a Hwhite lady. 

Robin i think was automatic. We immediately knew what to do with her. So it was sort of a nobrainer? And it was realized later that Robin looks suspiciously like me (NOT INTENTIONAL) so we ended up using myself as a young robin lol. 

I hope this answers your question! I’ve got a TON of unreleased/posted pictures of the characters built up over the years so any time I get to share them, I REALLY take it lol! - Tiara

[cup-ah-jho]

So I finally finished Omori!

Uh...I got thoughts. Lots of them. They’re bulleted below for your viewing pleasure and my mental checklist. Spoilers abound below the cut, so please refrain from reading if you haven’t finished the game!

Omori is a love letter to video games. From its Earthbound inspired design to its various little nods to other games whether intentional or not. (The music at the train station and the musician whose song sounds like a K. K. Slider classic [Animal Crossing], the baseball and the bat [Off], the whale level [Kingdom Hearts], and the toaster and the blender [To the Moon and Finding Paradise, as included in the game per Cr*aot*c’s request to Kan Gao unless he lied about that, too...] are some of the one’s I noticed!) It feels very similar to the RPG Maker games I grew up with like Wadanohara and The Grey Garden, so I felt at home exploring the world!

I agree with a lot of the points that uricksaladbar (a fantastic youtuber, and I highly recommend his content if you like well-edited and well-written video game essays) brought up with regards to the use of Headspace and how the events there do not progress the plot, but I think Headspace’s main function is like a daydream to distract from what lies hidden and that the time spent there isn’t supposed to advance the plot. Traumatic memories are sometime repressed to protect a person and that’s the primary function of Headspace: to keep those memories from resurfacing. It’s kind of why it starts to crack, slowly but steadily, as Sunny leaves his house. It’s also why Sunny has a fear of heights, drowning, and spiders because his memories associated with them are intertwined with his trauma. Whether aware of it or not, those phobias actively keep him from thinking about Mari. Despite the pacing issues, I had a lot of fun exploring Headspace (except for the area from the Last Resort to Humphrey. Especially Humphrey. Fuck you, Humphrey), and it’s interesting to look at its “lack of progression” as being a meaningful design choice than “padding for length.”

I really like the Faraway Town sections more, but that’s because I prefer the more natural color scheme and grounded setting. My favorite gaming series of all time is Story of Seasons, so casually taking part-time jobs and getting to know the townspeople was definitely something I enjoyed more than the RPG elements of Headspace.

Omori does a great job of showing how different people grieve, and I love how it reconciles with the fact that there is no “right way to grieve.” I remember talking with one of my old roommates about the book The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson, and she said she didn’t like it. It conveys a very unconventional method of grieving, similar to the one found in the manga Haru’s Curse/Haru no Noroi by Asuka Konishi, which can make it hard for some people to relate to. More than anything, I do genuinely believe the crux of this story is learning how to accept and overcome grief, and it’s wrapped up in a happy little tale of friendship!

I don’t have much to say on the characters (except for Basil; he’s got his own bullet point after this). They’re functional for the plot. That’s about it. But I would like an IRL Hero for myself, please.

I...don’t really like Basil all that much. And while a lot of people, my brother included, keep calling him “best boy” and “the bestest friend you could ever have,” all I saw was an insecure boy. It’s true that the trauma haunting him may have contributed to it as well, but the need to be the photographer, to take pictures, to enjoy from a distance, tells me just how desperately he needed them in his life. (Note the photo album is called Basil’s Memories and not referencing the group as whole.) Which is why his involvement in Mari’s death and the ensuing fallout, while already traumatic for anyone, probably hit him the hardest. Because he ended up alone, unable to escape the trauma, compared to the other four who found other avenues of coping besides Constant Suffering, even if some of their coping mechanisms weren’t exactly healthy.

The personification of their trauma is fantastic. Basil’s takes the form of roots that act like vines, trapping him. Sunny’s is the silhouette of Mari’s hanging body with her eye open, looking at him, haunting him like a ghost. Very symbolic!

I...uh...thought the twist was kind of...underwhelming. The game does a very good job foreshadowing Mari’s death being related to her hanging herself, which I did believe for most of my time with the game, but I was having second thoughts with what Shadow Basil, Basil, and even Aubrey was implying. Clearly Basil had something to do with Mari’s death, but my conclusion was that he killed Mari as an act of self defense to protect Sunny and Aubrey witnessed it. Like I literally thought Mari was a slimy sister that was wonderful and great to everyone but Sunny. (I’m so sorry, Mari.) This falls in line if this game were actually a psychological horror, but this game fell kind of flat in that regard. I don’t consider it as a psychological horror (more just psychological with slight horror elements), and I think coming in expecting a full blown psychological horror kind of dampened The Plot Twist for me. I was expecting to be absolutely horrified but...I just ended up feeling really bad for two kids who were so traumatized they literally Could Not Handle It.

Besides being a very good story for grief, Omori does a fantastic job in showing the affect that trauma has on people. I should also note that Sunny’s three phobias is a very typical when several traumatic instances happen in close succession. We often like to think of trauma as a result of a singular event, which it can be in cases like say a terrible car crash, but it sort of simplifies and reduces the effect of the trauma in a way. Trauma is best described, in my opinion, as an onion or a mille feuille, insert your choice of layered object here, because that singular event is composed of tiny little events or memories (perhaps broken down by senses). The game uses a simplistic way of doing it by breaking Sunny’s reaction to the drowning event into three phobias compartmentalized in Headspace, but it is something to note since most media likes to handle trauma as The Thing instead of the Amalgamation of Things that Make this Thing Traumatic.

Lastly, the soundtrack is a whole banger. Absolutely amazing.

To those who got to the end of this, thank you for reading! This isn’t necessarily a review for Omori, but it’s more so a place for me to jot down any thoughts and expand upon them. It’s been good practice for me in breaking down narratives and trying to see things from different perspectives or expanding upon why I don’t like things besides just not liking them lol.

[roonilwazlibimagines]

I feel like by now, if you didn't know that JKR made her books just a little misogynistic, you were hiding under a rock. Like yes, Hermione is a strong female character, but she said she made her as a sort of ugly duckling character that grew to be beautiful. WHY CANT SHE BE BEAUTIFUL FROM THE BEGINNING? Or WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE UGLY AT ALL?? Associating how much beauty one has with their intelligence is pure bullshit, and that right there is misogynistic. JKR is kinda misogynistic. I said it.

Also, to add to what I said about lavender and JKR and misogyny ect bc I have a character limit for some reason, was JKR just not loved enough by her partner or something? Like what is so wrong with just loving someone that you have to go and make one of your charcters get treated like trash bc of it? Hmm, nothing! You have internalized and fucked up issues bc of it. And that makes you a shitty person for doing that JKR. It really does. 2/2

I tried to keep my response short but it didn’t happen, I’m sorry. So if you want to hear me ramble on about Harry Potter and the internalised misogyny in it, please read :)

She is and I fucking hate it.

Like I really need to control myself because I could write a whole novel about this so I will try to keep this really short.

I know I said I never related to a character 100% but I simplified a really odd struggle I went through reading Harry Potter because I was 100% Hermione. Like down to the frizzy hair and the stubbornness and the fact that I took more classes than anyone at school, like I was all of her good and all of her bad.

But I hated it and I would get so upset whenever people said I was like Hermione and I think part of it had to do with the fact that they ‘perfectified’ her in the movies - which made her actually even more unlikeable and also made me think that I actually wasn’t Hermione because I wasn’t perfect - and the other part of it was that no one liked Hermione :(

Like everyone insulted her because she was a ‘know-it-all’ and she was only pretty when she tamed her frizzy hair and everything that she had that I saw in myself was made fun of or was annoying and when those things were gone she was liked.

And like you can have a character with flaws that other people don’t like without harming innocent young minds - it has been done!

Anyways I could go on and on about all the things I think are lowkey misogynistic and I will list them here because I want to share my opinions with people but none of my friends like Harry Potter

Literally what you said about Hermione and the ugly duckling trope which is so harmful to young girls who are positioned to look up to her as a heroine? (Make it make sense Joanne 😡)

The whole phlegm thing - I feel like this is a little out of character and like okay maybe Ginny didn’t like her because she didn’t want bill to leave (🥺) like he was the oldest, I get it, but the only reason they hate her is because she is pretty and trying to voice her opinions :(

Fleur in the tournament - I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I know Fleur couldn’t save Gabrielle because Harry had to save her and I know she couldn’t actually get to the cup in the maze, but !! It also doesn’t sit right with me that she is the only competitor not to complete two tasks

Fleur and Hermione - even though I do not agree with the way Lavender and Hermione were pitted against each other I also feel like it is kinda in character for Hermione to react the way she did (even though I think any time two girls are pitted against each other for a boy is bad writing I can maybe like 5% understand this - but also take away that 5% because their is definitely a subtext that Lavender is annoying because she is ‘girly’ - so I understand it 0% and idk where I’m going with this anymore) but Hermione had no reason to not like Fleur. Like she did not like her even in their fourth year even though they had never spoken !!

The whole Lavender thing - and I’m sorry the way that Ron speaks about her as if she’s annoying and he tries to escape her, like you said, I’m sorry that she loves you?? Like I know it was a bit intense but if he wasn’t head over heels for her he should’ve broken up with her a lot earlier and not dragged it on and led her on!!

The way that Umbridge is described - I know that Umbridge is a horrible person and I am not trying to defend her at all !! But I find it very odd that one side of her personality is just being girly which is definitely used against her because Harry always comments on how ugly her things are are. Like I get pink isn’t for everyone and I know when you hate someone everything they do is annoying, but like this is how Umbridge is introduced - The witch spoke in a fluttery, girlish, high-pitched voice that took Harry aback; he had been expecting a croak. Like she is introduced as being girly and idk it just doesn’t sit right with me. 

That stupid emotional range of a teaspoon comment - Sorry, I forgot, women are just really overdramatic and sensitive and boys don’t cry and therefore could not understand the female brain - not even when they are sharing the trauma of losing someone 

Harry and Cho - do you really expect me to believe that Harry Potter - the boy who spent his summer holidays after his fourth year having nightmares and feeling horrible about Cedric’s death - witnessed Cho Change - the girl who was dating Cedric - crying at the mention of Cedric (not that long after he died!) and went ‘lol why tf this bitch crying?’ and also don’t get me started on their date in the book because that angered me on levels you don’t understand. Like Cho’s reaction is what positioned a lot of people to dislike her. After five years of harry Harry Potter and the other two fuck up your school year I feel like everyone in Hogwarts knows that Harry, Ron and Hermione are like the best of fucking friends and Cho’s reaction honestly just felt like it was put in for entertainment purposes but I was not entertained. 

Snape and Lily - Yes I do think its reasonable that Snape got angry over never getting any pussy and decided to take it out on defenceless children. He is my hero. 

Draco and Hermione - look, I have nothing against people who ship fanon dramione because in very simplified terms they do make for the perfect love/hate trope and sometimes things aren’t really serious and it is just a means of escapism. But canon dramione is a horrible concept and I cannot believe that she actually considered making them date. Like yes, that is a really nice message to send to young and impressionable minds - I’m sorry but if that was canon it would be no more better than a ‘I’m dating my bully’ wattpad story. 

Anyways, I’m sorry I went on a massive but I’ve been holding this in for too long :( Basically the point of this is that I really do think pitting women against each other for very simple reasons and setting up a character as unlikeable because they like traditional girly things is really bad writing and you know what? I could honestly forgive that because it was quite a while ago - and even though I’m not trying to defend it or say that it was right- stuff like this was normal in media and entertainment and if she came out and said ‘yeah it was kinda shitty when I made everyone dislike the actual goddess Fleur Delacour because she was pretty’ I would be like ‘yeah, you’re right’ and move on with my life. But she didn’t and instead she showed us that she was transphobic and horrible and just plain misogynistic and now I (obviously) can’t move on. 

[blacksunscorpio]

Hi Scorp! I just have to tell you I've been on this site for a while and I'm so glad to come across someone's page that breaks astrology down so succinctly and in a fun and personal way. I wish more people we like you- you're a gem! I'd like to get started too and want to know in your opinion what the signs of a good astrologer are and how one can become one? Your help is as always so appreciated! I really admire you!

Thank you, love- Good Question

Signs of A Good Astrologer

1. They Understand Multiple Systems

Now, not every astrologer will use them. Some are more comfortable with Vedic, others Placidus, some Quadrant or Draconic and a few Horary or Equal House. Regardless, they’ll be able to entertain all kinds even if they subscribe to another/one in particular.

2. They Can Read A Natal Wheel

I know this may sound like a given but some folks who get into astrology just use a calculator or generator to pull up aspects and chart patterns. They won’t actually look at the wheel and see where planets land or how to work their way around the circle. They may not understand the red lines from the green or blue. It’s important to not only rely on a calculator but understand the wheel as a blueprint. You can catch many things and see many aspect patters [T-Squares, Grand Trines Yods, etc] with the naked eye. The natal wheel is the birth chart in its raw form. Anyone studying anything must begin with the basics. The wheel, fresh-faced is the best place to start. From there, the 101′s of Astrology become easier to grasp

3. They Do Not Rely On One  App Alone

The sign of any good astrologer [or anyone studying anything] is citing multiple sources and cross-referencing them. As we all know, technology, though an excellent modern tool is imperfect. It too can have glitches and miscalculations. For that reason, it’s important as an astrologer to at least have 2 to 3 calculators [including their own brain and hands] to break things down. This gives a better-rounded view of how charts work and can even introduce you to aspects you didn’t realize existed [parallels, contraparallels, etc]. Cafe Astrology is good for beginners but does not show you minor aspects [Quincunxes, sesquiquadrates, noviles or bi-quintiles] or chart patters like Astro.com does. Co-Star is good for millennials who are just starting and does a fantastic job of giving you a daily horoscope as well, but can really f-things up house-wise. [They are based out of NY and I rejected a job offer from them because of it.] Alabe.com is Ok but they make you input longitude and latitude which not everyone has access to and sometimes it just won’t take. Still, without cross-referencing you’d never know. Cast your net wide so you can get the best return.

4. They Understand Natal, Synastry, and Composite

While it’s important to understand how someone’s natal chart functions and relates to them as a person, or placements in general, we as Human Beings are social creatures. We operate in tribal, familial and unit systems. As a result, it’s important to know how people operate with each other as well as individually. A good astrologer will understand Synastry [aspects/energy between people] and Composite [midpoint and Davison, which is the Astrology of the relationship itself] in addition to Natal patterns.

5. They Have a Good Grasp of History

Mercury, Mars, Rahu, Jupiter, Saturn, Pluto? All names of Ancient God’s. When we understand the origins of these Planetary names, we can have a good grasp as to why they’re attributed to said planets/points. Modern planets are named after Roman Gods who all have ties to ancient Greece/India as well. When you understand the myths and stories you’ll already have a head start on why Venus is named after Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love, since Venus rules love and what we appreciate. Mars [Aries] is the planet of war, sexual drive and action as is the Hellenistic/Roman God. Lilith is Adam’s first wife in Hebrew tradition and her hypothetical point in astrology embodies her traits. Make sense? Even the asteroids are named after minor gods and characters in the classics. Studying up on these can really help with understanding the planets as a whole.

6. They are Patient

Let’s face it, understanding astrology is not something that comes over night. It is also quite difficult to find in-depth classes for the study. Because of this, it is important for you or any astrologer for that matter to take their time. Don’t rush. Some can spend a lifetime studying and never know all there is to know. I myself learn new things everyday that I share with you all on here. Take your time. Be patient. Astrology is deeply metaphorical, philosophical as well as mathematical. Some may have a stronger grasp with one than another [as a former humanities major, I personally detest math but I’ll be damned if that makes me give up- I keep trying]. A good astrologer will give themselves and others grace to really grasp the concepts they are learning and know that it is not a 24 our crash course.

Red Flags 

With the good comes the bad/things many can work on to improve. The sign of an astrologer not living up to their full potential are:

1. Astrologers That Only Say Good Things About Your Sign

Let’s face it, astrology is not a study for those who like to sugar coat. The reality of life is that everything has a dark and light side. Just like every zodiac sign has positive and shadow traits. [Though I am a Scorpio and very loyal to my sign and people, I feel it necessary if I am to help others, to make them understand the under-developed traits of Plutonians/Martians in general.] You gotta keep it real. It is important to be honest. That is the only way to get to your sign’s final form. To understand what traits you/your sister signs/cousins are prone to. 

2. Astrologers That Point Out Troublesome Placements Without Telling You How to Remedy Them

Big No-No. Astrology is about activism and altruism. It, by nature, is a study quite akin to Psychology. One of my heroes, Liz Greene actually based many of her astrological studies off Jungian psychology. And what is astrology if not psychology with a cosmic twist? ;). A good therapist will isolate your issues but the point in hiring them is for them to aid you in fixing the issues you’re struggling with, no? Same with a good astrologer. They’ll tell you when something is an issue, yes, but they will also give tips and pointers on how to handle the energy or steps to reconciling the energy within your self and others. If someone is simply pointing out that you’re a Capricorn with a Taurus moon and therefore, have pessimistic tendencies, but don’t tell you how to balance that, then they are not doing the best job they can for you.

3. Astrologers That Demonize a Single Sign or Placement 

Or astrologers who are inherently judgmental about your tendencies [many Boomers unfortunately I’ve seen have a habit with this *sigh*]. This is also a No-No. Look, we are all entitled to our own opinion and there is dark and light in each astrological placement. But someone who says “all Pisceans are whiny-crybabies”, “all Virgos are obsessive compulsive critics” or “All Leos are egotistical cheaters” is not someone you want to take very seriously, lol. Sounds like these people got hurt by one of the above and as a result, have a war on everyone with these placements. By proxy, they use astrology to let out their frustrations which is a very twisted way to go about things. We all vibe with one sign or placement more than another of course, but even your fav may have a Mars placement in a sign you though you hated. It is best to be impartial and look at ALL aspects and ALL signs with fairness. The point of astrology is to understand. Once you understand someone or something it’s quite hard to be judgmental [if you’re really going about it with an open-mind]. Just like traveling or spending time with others different from you makes it impossible to be a racist or a bigot. Why? Because you took the time to really connect.

Anyone can become an astrologer with the right discipline and a good amount of grit and curiosity. I think you have the right attitude on how to go about it ;). Here are a few helpful resources to get you started:

1. Spark Notes on Astrology 101

2. Natal Chart Simplified.

3. Decans in Astrology

4. Which Decan Do You Belong To?

5. How to Find Your Dominant Planet

6. Difference Between Your Chart Ruler and Dominant Planet

7. How I learned Astrology

8. My Astro Musings

[franeridart]

Anon said: Um so hello, I’m just here to say keep up the awesome work, I love your kiribaku art and it’s adorable and I go on binges through your blog (omg I sound so creepy I’m sorry I just love ur art so much) and it makes my day so yeah please keep drawing!

Ahhhhh you don’t sound creepy at all, don’t worry!!!!! Thank you so much for liking my stuff that much!!!!!!! <3<3

Anon said: May ask what kiri///mina would look like in your style? You don't have to draw it if you don't like the ship.

Gosh sorry but I really really don’t ship it!

Anon said: you know how I miss?? your OCs!!! they're the cutest!!

AWE thank you so much!!!!!!! I have a few comics planned for them, hope I’ll manage getting to them soon enough!!! (oT^T)9<3

Anon said: This is so sappy but some of your kiribaku posts really make me really appreciate long relationships! I’ve always found pining and crushes the cutest bc it’s full of intense feelings, but you portray being in love and accepting each other so well!! it’s amazing how you show characters interacting with each other and being so comfortable instead of worrying about hiding part of themselves and long story short I love your art and ideas so much

This ask!!!!!!!!! means the universe!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so glad I can manage portraying love in such a way, I’m so in love with the idea of open, accepting love, andI try seriously hard to make it look healthy in my comics so!!!!!!! thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no clue how many times I’ve reread this ask I’m not even exaggerating TT^TT <3

Anon said: I just want to start off by saying you’re my favourite blog on tumblr, your art is incredibly adorable and always makes my day!! I was just wondering how you were able to create your own unique art style? It’s something I’ve been struggling with a lot lately with my own art. Any advice is appreciated, thanks for everything you do!!

I think it’s about finding the right spot between what feels comfortable for you and the end you’re using your art for? In my case what’s comfortable is something fun and smooth, and the main end has always been to be able to draw comics - I’ve always liked comics because I like writing and I like drawing, but my attention span was too short to manage finishing them, and the way I had of drawing was too stiff to properly convey emotions the way I wanted to, which made drawing comics sound like an impossible dream haha I fixed it by simplifying my style, by taking away or reducing to the bare minimum everything that took me ages to work out/draw and pushing my expressions and body language to extremes to make up for the lack of details. 

That’s just my experience with it, though! The best advice I can give you is to sit back and look at your current way of drawing from an objective perspective - do you enjoy it? Is the process of drawing something you’re comfortable with? What’s uncomfortable in it for you, and in which ways could you change it to make it comfortable and fun? Does your current art style allow you to do what you want to do with your art? If you want to paint, does it allow you to paint in an easy and fun way? If you want to make comics, does it allow you the range to properly portray a character moving and living without making you wish you’d never started drawing halfway through it? 

Imho the first step to find a style that’s your own and feels right is to find a style that’s fun to use and doesn’t stress you to hell and back every time you pick up your pencil. This is easier to do the more things you attempt, so for a bit being inconsistent in style is a good and normal thing - try things out! The best one for you will definitely stick in the end. And if you already feel comfortable with the way you have of drawing, then hell! You already have a style that works for you! Just because to you it doesn’t look unique and special it doesn’t mean that it isn’t - if you asked me to point out what makes my style unique I wouldn’t be able to tell you either, the way I see it my style is the most uninteresting and common-looking style out there. To be honest with you that’s probably just how it is for every artist out there hahaha

Anon said: Hi!! I love your art and just want you to know I always get a big, stupid smile on my face whenever I see you cross my feed, whether it’s something new or a reblog of an old post. Everything you do is just amazing and I love it

AHHHHHHH Thank you so so much!!!!!!!!! (TT^TT)<3<3<3

Anon said: Hey Fran! First off, thank you for the Fire Force art. I remembered to actually check it out, after seeing it lol. Second, I still can't find your Fatgum 😭😭 the link didn't give any, and searching on your page didn't help either. I WILL FIND IT ONE DAY

I think it’s a problem of the app orz I can see him just find from desktop but the app can’t find him either T-T stupid app!

Anon said: Do you have a mini Bakugou and Kirishima living in your head? Are they just living their lives up in your brain and that causes your hand to to write and draw the most perfect and accurate things? Of course mini Kaminari, Sero, Mina, Jirou, etc. also come to visit your head hole from time to time and just chill with mini Baku and Kiri. That’s the only logical explanation on how all your Bakushima content is so inconceivably spot on

That’s such a kind thing of you to say, anon!!!!!! I’m glad you find them that IC!!!!!! I try my best, but sometimes I admit I just have them do and say stuff I’ve done and said myself, the only difference is that I word things in a way that feels right for their usual way of talking hahaha

Anon said: I personally would love to read your essay on why bakugo is the best character ever because I really really really want to love him that much but i feel like there's something that I'm just not getting about him- there's something I'm missing about his personality (keeping in mind that i kinda left the manga after the whole mirio/8 precepts arc). I've always found bakugo compelling and would love love love to read your take on him! Hope you have a great day!

Bakugou has had some amazing character development scenes after the overhaul arc!!!!! He’s outright shown he understands where he was lacking and where he was wrong, that he’s perfectly capable of working in a team and letting people help him and helping them in return, that he cares about his class and how the rest of the world sees them! (and that he worries/cares about how the world sees him too, actually, that broke my heart a bit ;; ) We haven’t seen him in a hot minute by now, but most of anything before the current arc has had him improve and develop and become even better than he already was -  I’ve always thought him a good guy with just a lot of troubles relating to the world around him due the way he has been brought up as special and different (it creates a drift between yourself and the rest of the world when everyone around you keeps treating you as if you were other - when you tell a kid he’s different and better for his whole life he’s bound to grow up believing it, after all), but if the problem you have with him is that he isn’t showing the good in himself plainly and obviously enough, then the arcs after the overhaul one are gonna help you like him better, definitely

Well, the thing about Bakugou is that he’s not a plain/obvious character, so you need to think about his actions and his words a bit more, and can’t just take him at face value - it’s what I like about him, actually! How much you need to think about him to figure him out on a deeper level than just the surface one. Since I dunno why you like him and why you feel something’s missing, I can’t tell you specifically what it is in the way I see him that completes him for me, but as I said I try to keep him as IC as I can so probably reading my comics about him might help you understand the way I see him. To me Bakugou’s honest, and kind, and loving, but he’s also arrogant, and angry, and used to taking some things for granted, and I like how all those things work with and against each other in his character. He’s at the same time incredibly proud and absurdly insecure, and I like that about him too - where each comes from and where and how they clash, I like the complexity it gives him. I like that he’s a people person in the sense that he likes having people around himself, and I like that at the same time UA is the first time he’s had actual, honest to god best friends, and how that means that he’s gonna be awkward when usually he’s so sure and proud simply because he isn’t used to having people he actually specifically cares for, I very much like that about him. I like that he overthinks everything he doesn’t immediately gets, I like that he still acts on instincts more often than not, I like that somehow with him those two aren’t mutually exclusive. I like that he’s smart and still so damn dumb, I like that he’s just as simple-minded as he is an actually labyrinth in thought process, I like how one-track minded he is even on the most silly things - how once he sets his eyes on a goal he goes for it like his life depends on it. I like that he’s barsh and rude and impulsive in what he says and does, but when he fucks up he knows he fucked up, and he backstracks, and he does his best to make amends. I like that he sits in stupid ways and has the worst posture in the class and then he wears his hero costume and suddenly he’s a model on the catwalk, that’s so damn endearing to me. I like how ridiculously hyperbolic he is and how he just assumes people will get it, get what he actually means, like there’s a point between his brain and his mouth were things get blown out of proportion and he doesn’t even realize it. There’s just so many things to love about him, for me!! 

But most importantly I like that he started as low as he could get and that because of it his plot is a one way towards the summit. I like it. I like watching a character grow and every new chapter become a better version of themselves, I love it. Ultimately that’s probably why he’s my favorite, after all haha

Anon said: Hi, this isn’t a question but I just wanted to say how much I love your art and the way you clearly appreciate Bakugou as a character. So many of my friends hate him, but I think he has a lot of depth and so much potential. Your art always makes me smile! Thanks for doing what you do. :)

THANK YOU and thank you for liking the boy too!!!!!!! He deserves it, he absolutely does deserve it!!!!!!! <3<3<3

Anon said: I just went digging in the archives of my blog (which is.. a mess) and found some old art of yours (like... I'm talking bokuto and kuroo level old) and g o s h. I already loved your art so much then and I still do n hhhhhhhh u go. U great.

Gosh you’ve been around a long time then!!!!! Thank you so much for sticking with me all this time!!!! ✨o(TT0TT)o✨

[missghouls]

Why does most of your models use so many polygons? Mizuno always kept models simple so it looks like it belongs in minecraft but I'm still not over the teapot

I apologize on the wall of text you’re about to be bombarded with; but since i get this message quite often (usually off anonymous so i can answer privately) i’m posting it here. ((This is not meant as an attack on anon at all, i’m not upset or angry or anything, i promise!

The first thing i want to mention, is that I’ve cut down on a lot of the poly’s in my models, actually! I agree that a slightly simpler look, just looks better -- but i still like the angles. Just not so many @.@ I’ve been sticking to only using simple angles in newer models where they make sense instead of rounding everything off like i used to (unless it’s a very specific patreon item where they want it to look as close to their reference picture as possible) -- but at this point, the soft-cornered look it is the style that i like to use. You have to realize, that this pack is less than a year old. I learned how to model and make CIT, texture, and do everything else during the time i’ve been updating it (and i’m still learning! :D). 

Just like any artist, i experiment with my style, and it’s taken me a while to find it. (look at the people who do the 5-year/10-year comparisons with their digital work! It’s amazing!! and their style changes SO MUCH :O I’m trying to fit all of that into love to go back an simplify some of the models (that aren’t patreon ones!) to better match the newer stuff, but 1) it takes a LOT of time that i don’t have at the moment, and 2) some people are very attached to the way something looks, so my option is either to change it and tell them to suck it up, or to add an alternate model and make the pack even BIGGER (which is my 1st highest complaint, so i’d rather not do that, lol) 

I get questioned a lot about how & why i do things the way i do. Minty’s CIT does things incredibly simply (usually under 20 blocks) AND she textures things herself -- so why don’t I texture everything myself like she does? Why do i use Mizuno’s textures instead of making my own for every item? Why don’t i animate things like this other person instead of the way i’m doing it? Why do i use blockbench and not CubikStudio? Why didn’t i just make this a mod? Lots and lots of questions! I do my best to answer them all in the kindest and most patient way possible, but to put it simply: Because I’m doing it my way

Now, I am self-taught -- and while i appreciate pointers, tips, and help on making things better/easier on everyone (including myself!), I've come a long way on my own and it’s far too late to turn back now and suddenly change 2000+ items to match Mizuno’s cute chunky style. 

An example i like to use is this: When people play Sims games and decide to download custom content: Not everything matches. Some people like super photo-realistic high-poly stuff. Others like Maxis-Match. Neither is wrong. Neither should be looked down on or argued about. It is a game that anyone can enjoy any way they like it -- and the same principal stands here. It may not “match” the same way, but it doesn’t mean people don’t enjoy it the same you happy, and if you find something missing, find an artist that can make it for you, or learn to make it yourself :D

People are welcome not to use Ghoulcraft -- i won’t be hurt i promise, lol --  and i highly encourage them to use whatever pack(s) makes them happy. I love pimping out other people’s packs (like Aria’s coffee shop/Adventure Kit, Dreamlandcraft, Minty’s Little Things, Mizuno’s, Itembound, Transmobifier, etc!). Do they all fit together and play nicely? Hell nah. We all use different textures, different models, different styles -- but that’s what makes it fun. It’s NOT the same thing, and you can see someone’s personality through what they made. 

There are resource packs and modpacks that i absolutely cannot stand or that irk me -- but i would never message the artist to nitpick, complain, or put down their work just because i don’t like it -- i just don’t use it. ((Not saying this anon is doing so, but i have had messages previously, downright shitting on my pack and how much they hate it/how popular CIT is/etc. I don’t respond/publish it because i don’t feed negativity here. Minecraft is about building up -- not tearing down. So keep in mind when you message somebody, that what you’re saying is to a real person, and that tearing them down/insulting them/picking apart something they put a lot of time into, isn’t constructive or helpful at all -- to you, or to the person you’re messaging. Keep it constructive and helpful, or at least kind & polite. I know y’all know how to do that

Lastly -- As for the utah teapot -- it’s an easter egg in many video games. To pull straight from the wiki: 

The Utah teapot, or the Newell teapot, is a 3D test model that has become a standard reference object and an in-joke[1] within the computer graphics community. It is a mathematical model of an ordinary teapot that appears solid, cylindrical, and partially convex. A teapot primitive is considered the equivalent of a "Hello, World" program, as a way to create an easy 3D scene with a somewhat complex model acting as a basic geometry reference for scene and light setup.

In short, it’s meant to be complex and realistic. If it were a regular square tetapot, it wouldn’t make as much sense, it would just be a normal teapot, lol. It was also a patreon-reward item from someone who wanted to see it in-game, and therefore will not be changed, sorry! Plus, Mizuno has already done 3 incredibly cute teapots/kettles, so i didn’t feel as though i needed to make one (unless maybe like, a recolor -- but i always feel weird recoloring their things). 

Again, none of this was written in malice or anger, so i really really hope it doesn’t come across as such

[blue-mint-winter]

ST Voy s4e8 Year of Hell and s4e9 Year of Hell part II -  Voyager pulls off another time travel story and does it well. The crew is out through a real wringer and brought to almost complete destruction like in Kes’ vision, but details are much different, for example Janeway and B’Elanna don’t die and there’s Seven on board. I really liked how the bonds between the crew became even stronger in the hardship. Janeway became very extreme too, constantly taking risk on herself and making everyone worry (I mean myself too!). She also got a haircut. I really felt the stakes in this ep, the desperation they felt. Btw, Tuvok’s blind shaving with a big knife was extra too. I liked the symbolism of that pocket watch Chakotay gave to Janeway on her birthday. The main villain, Annorax, was detestable. The show tried to make us feel bad for him by comparing him with Voyager crew, but the key difference is that one was erasing other races from history as if that would bring back his family and other wasn’t. Chakotay almost buying into his way of thinking and methods seems to continue in line with his character’s tendency to get influenced by authority figures he encounters. Thankfully, Paris was there to say it how it was. I thought the ending solution to the problem was clever, how erasing his time manipulating ship from the timeline erased the reason his race got in trouble and Voyager was also restored back to normal. On the other hand it means the loss of memory for everyone, of the good ones too, but they still have the chance to make new memories, so they can make up for that.

s4e10 Random Thoughts - Voyager visits a peaceful planet of Mirians who are telepaths and B’Elanna get arrested for having a violent thought that caused one of them to commit an assault. The concept of this ep reminded me of that TNG ep with Wesley getting sentenced for trampling a lawn, but this ep’s story has much more finesse and complexity to it. It explores the idea of a society in which thought crimes are real and can be persecuted. Interestingly enough, it brings a dose of realism into something that at first glance was an utopia where everyone is nice and there’s no crime. Turns out outlawing something and memory purging isn’t going to make the problem gone, it just went underground. People will want the forbidden fruit and total control over thoughts is impossible. I liked that Tuvok once again took charge of investigation, it was cool to see him work. Though I do wonder since when Vulcans could speak telepathically like Betazoids? Btw, I like Seven’s friendship with Tuvok, they are both set apart from their human crewmates. I liked the moments with Seven questioning Janeway’s decisions to explore other planets instead of just going home as fast as possible.

s4e11 Concerning Flight - In this ep, I realized that the actor who played hologram of Leonardo da Vinci played Gimli in LOTR. Anyway, it was a fun ep. From the beginning, I thought that Janeway’s Leonardo holodeck program was a good idea and I liked those short scenes. It makes a lot of sense that she’d choose Leonardo da Vinci as her mentor and role model. He brings together two things - hard science she pursued in her career and arts which is something she struggles with. In this ep, Leonardo is part of an adventure to take back stolen main computer from the thieves. What makes this story worhtwhile is how thoughtful it gets, but still maintains the flow of action. It has a message about opening your mind, pursuing dreams - like Leonardo’s flying machine - even if others ridicule you for it. It’s just very hopeful and uplifting. Also, Janeway’s undercover clothes make her look like a working mom lol.

s4e12 Mortal Coil - In this ep, Neelix dies, but it’s okay because Seven knows how to bring him back. However as a result Neelix has an existential crisis because he didn’t see Talaxian afterlife he believed in. I think the episode was interesting in trying to explore Neelix’ problem, but it wasn’t done in a satisfactory way. They used Chakotay’s vision method, but it just made Neelix worse and he almost offed himself. I can’t expect a TV show to find an answer to the meaning of life, but Star Trek approached the topic of life and death and beliefs about what’s in the afterlife before with more thoughtfulness. Here, it was simplified and shallowed, everything just went away because Neelix was needed by the living so he decided not to kill himself. Idk, it just didn’t feel right after everything that happened with him. It was just a rushed ending.

[redandfranticfeelings]

an autistic analysis, lyric by lyric, of ‘i love play rehearsal’

ive been hyperfixating over bmc for the last month and i keep thinking about how autistic the main characters are and christine is so very very very autistic coded to me. so i decided im just going to straight up deconstruct the lyrics of her signature song in the context of her being autistic (and also having adhd, but my experience is mostly in autism)

this is very very rambley and based more on personal experience than research, so i doubt itll be interesting to anybody but me, but i just want to talk about christine, the autistic queen

I love play rehearsal Because its the best! Because it is fun. I love play rehearsal and I get depressed as soon as its done.

it goes without saying that chrstine’s special interest is theater right? the way she treats it as the “highlight of [her] life” and then switches into this song after acting completely awkward and disinterested in jeremy outside of the context of him being engaged in her special interest.

But not depressed as in like kill yourself depressed No, im not into self-harm Dude, I swear, here check my arm!

overexplaining in a way that reads very much like speaking before she thinks, even though bringing up self harm in casual conversation with someone you barely talk to is not exactly proper etiquette. i think this is also an adhd trait? going faster than your own brain. that’s basically this whole song.

See, I just use the word to emphasise a point, Show the passion I have got I am passionate a lot. I have mad, gigantic feelings, Red and frantic feelings, About most everything Like gun control, like spring,

a lot of people assume autistic people are typically emotionless but it’s also very easy for us to get caught up in emotional issues especially when it comes to stuff we love, and it catches us off guard. christine being hyperempathetic is implied later in the show when she has that awful survivors’ guilt over making fun of rich and jake, and it also plays into her being so socially conscious as well.

Like if I’m living up to all I’m meant to be.

being an high school junior is really rough bc of all the decisions that have to be made regarding college and your future as an independent adult, and being autistic just makes it worse bc it can easily lead to burnout to deal with so much at once, if you even can comprehend these things much at all (i had no idea what to do, lol). i doubted my ability to grow up and succeed constantly because i had no idea who to talk to and what questions to ask and how to present myself. that’s something that a lot of people worry about, but having social delays makes it way more of a pressing issue than it is for neurotypicals, i feel.

I also have a touch of ADD. Where was I? Oh, right!

self explanatory and very canon. adhd and autism can be diagnosed simultaneously nowadays and the symptoms overlap a lot, btw.

I love play rehearsal, Cause’ you are equiped with direction and text, Life is easy in rehearsal, You follow a script so you know what comes next. Anywho the point that I’m getting to is sometimes life can’t work out in the way It works out in the play

this part screams autistic culture to me. unpredictability is scary because social situations don’t always go smoothly like in fiction! this is why social scripting is a popular therapy tactic for autistic children- you have to manually study social situations like a script. theater is something meant to be memorized and recited until you’re able to process it and manufacture emotion, but honestly for autistic kids, life feels a lot like that sometimes. remember how miserable she got when one of her favorite plays had the script changed without her permission to make a whole new story she doesn’t know? of course that’s just upsetting on its own, but in the context of her knowing theater so well and being fully prepared for one story only to be forced to learn a new one? ouch.

christine is never shown as comfortable outside her element- she hides in a book during “more than survive” and shrinks into nothing at the party. it’s a recurring theme that she has no idea exactly who she is, struggles with her identity outside of theater, and despite not really caring about how people see her, she does care about her own ability. socializing makes her feel awkward, especially when something totally unexpected happens like jake or jeremy asking her out. if she doesn’t have a plan or routine or, well, a script, then she can’t trust herself to go forward.

Like the only time I get to be the center of attention, Is when I’m Juliet or Blanche DuBois

as an autistic theater kid, i just really do relate to being clueless and dumb in real life but being able to totally thrive on the stage, because you can channel the energy that is usually misplaced in real life social interactions, and transfer it through dialogue and song and dance that someone else laid out nicely for you.

and can I mention? That was really one of my best roles, Did you see that?

an epic combination of letting your mind wander easily without caring about making sense to the person you’re speaking to, and taking every opportunity to infodump. in a lot of productions she even mimics her blanche voice just for fun. jeremy tries to respond here but she doesn’t care because she’s in her own brain where everything only really seems to make sense to her.

And no matter how hard I try, It’s impossible to narrow down the many reasons why, I love play rehearsal. I happiness cry whenever it starts!

if she isn’t being hyperbolic then this plays into my ‘so much emotion it’s hard to control’ thing detailed a bit above. either way, big special interest mood.

It’s just so universal Getting to try playing so many parts. Most humans do one thing for all of their lives, The thought of that gives me hives! I’ve got so many interests I wanna pursue,

it’s a lot easier to lose yourself and connect to your special interest than focus on your very complex, very overwhelming real life issues. escaping into fiction and being able to play in a variety of social situations as a totally different person, yay theater!

in general i just like the idea of christine struggling to visualize who she is and thinking about a lot of hypothetical but being unable to choose which one is most desirable or plausible. idk if that’s autistic or just a fun character trait lol. i know jumping from interest to interest is an adhd thing though.

this little passage is good for at least showing that christine distinguishes herself from ‘most humans’ in a way that isn’t so much ‘not like other girls’ but like ‘life is so much more confusing to me than it seems to be to others’ (which the show proposes isn’t exactly true and is the same closed-mindedness that jeremy has, though christine realizes it sooner; however; the sentiment rings true in that christine, as a neurodiverse young woman, has a lot more hoops to jump through than a neurotypical classmate.)

And why am I telling this to you? Guess there’s a part of me that wants to.

jeremy is also very autistic coded in my eyes, but that’s a separate post. i just like them being drawn to each other through that sort of kinship. also if you interpret her as having an unrealized requited crush on him…well, i think for a lot of us, romantic love is easy to confuse with friend love, if even that, because the specifics of emotions are a mess to unravel. (which also explains her confusion on her relationship with jake)

oh and right after this, she starts squawking just because she had the impulse to do so. vocal stimming, much?

Back to play rehearsal, My brain is like ‘bzzz’ My heart is like 'wow’

my brain is always like bzzz honestly lol. this is generally a pretty good way to describe being hyperfocused.

Because we’re here at play rehearsal, and it’s starting, We’re starting, It’s starting, Sooo-ooon.

it’s been confirmed as a deliberate decision that christine’s songs never end on a rhyme, except when she’s squipped and it isn’t ‘really’ her, because she subverts everyone’s expectations, including jeremy’s. i feel that could make for a nice simplified metaphor for autism, right?

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Full moon in Gemini 12-12-2019, Also a 3/3 or 12/12 Portal

Subtitle: I'm literally swimming in emotions right now also I'm bleeding as scheduled how can I even laugh at a time like this oh well the perks of being a psycho Gemini lolol

Hey guys this will be a short post because full moon in Gemini will be in about 3 hours or so, check your region and timezone ok? As of now the full moon in Gemini asks us to be a lot more honest and open about ourselves, on taking a look at ourselves and what we truly want, at the soul level. You know, those kinds of stuff that we tend to shove down the drain or sweep under the rug because we had no idea how to deal with them. Since full moons are also a time for release, it's also a great time to release old habits, karmic entanglements, toxic relationships, etc. and purge as much as possible, especially things in line with our communication styles, or how we do about our businesses and networkings (Gemini rules communications, business dealings, and other Hermes stuff lol) which are not in alignment with our soul purpose aka everything that sucks the life out of us. 2020 is gonna be even more intense so it's best to simplify by choosing the most efficient path we can have. Remember that working smart is never equal to working hard, unless what you're working hard for is something you're deeply passionate about. Then go for it, I support you! 😉

The next few parts are a bit of my personal ranting so you can end reading everything here. 😁

I plan to do that path with best efficiency with greater intent since apparently, I am (un)fortunately kissed by Saturn's harsh life lessons (based on numerology of my name, I forgot how it works but you can find how to do it for your own name if you use a search engine). So... to keep that short, one of my life lessons is to plow through life mastering everything at a slow, steady pace, no short-cuts, eventually finding fame and fortune and the respect of many at an old age.

But that's just the point. I don't want that crap. I mean, yeah I do know how it feels to learn things at a slow pace, I mean, I'm an effing slow-learner for pete's sake, it takes a long time for me to learn what others would simply learn in just one sitting, one lesson, one hour, one day. I have to learn shit a bit more than 21 days of continuous activity just to even master the basics. It's hard to drill things into my head, though a bit easier through my body. But still takes time though. Not exactly fun when it's in 3d. And seriously, this whole Saturn thing has been putting me on the edge of my rope and sanity. My breaking point is about 3 cm away. Maybe less.

Call me impatient but right now I have nothing and feel nothing, my energy's pretty much nada. I feel a deep disconnection and a strong sense of loneliness. I don't want to feel bitter when I get even older, just because I spent so many years on experiencing hardships. Even right now, I am in a state of limbo, and frankly it takes a lot from me. It drains what little happiness I have. I mean, right now I am at my lowest, and I feel that no matter how much I do stuff, even the stuff I just love doing, in the end I feel so bitter because I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's very, very painful. Everything starts making absolutely no sense. Again.

Of course, I'm not entirely sure if because it's the full moon, or I'm on my period, or because my gene key shadow (Gene Key 20 lol) has been acting up, or because I have been purging karma and these are just crap I need to release, honestly I have no idea at this point. I wanna have a pity party for myself and the demons shadows that live in my head but also I don't want to because why waste a ton of time feeling sucky when I could just have a good cry, calm down, then go binge-watching anime or something.

Oh, screw it, I'l do some KY and if I still wanna have a pity party then a pity party I shall have. I mean, I do advocate embracing out shadow selves so this might be it I dunno. I might make an update once I've dealt with this matter at hand.

Oh, wait, scratch that, they actually loved it that I even posted about them here. They're slowly dispersing now. Holy crap was that fast. 😮 well, like I said, embracing our shadow parts is an important part of our life journey, and I just felt that again. I'm 50% ok now.

At least I feel a bit energized to do some KY so I hope I feel better by tomorrow.

If you've read everything up until this point, thank you for staying with me.

Love and hugs to you, and may you find the healing you seek.

三日月 🌙

Mikazuki

[double-danganronpa-lost-faith]

DDR:LF Progress Log

Hi everyone! Welcome to the first progress log.

It’s a post where I put all the things I’ve done for the fanganronpa so far that I haven’t posted anywhere; most of them are WIPs or Betas. It also works for me as a way to keep track of how far I’ve come.

Today’s post contains the following:

Character Bios (previously only available in the DR amino) and FAQ

4 WIPs of important CGs (well... more like 2)

3 Different types of Animation Tests

WIP/Beta of the GUI Design

Next objectives

If you’re interested in checking this post, keep reading it down below!

By the way, feel free to join the fangan’s discord server by going to this link https://discordapp.com/invite/aSd6PN4 ^^ with that being said, let’s begin the post~!

-------------------

Character Bios and FAQ

To start this blog AND this post on a right note, I’m finally posting on tumblr the character bios, which means you can now access to the information from each member of the cast of DDR:LF, which was previously only available in amino. You can find them in this post.

As for the other part, I wrote a FAQ with the main sort of questions there could be about the fangan. Feel free to give it a read here if you want to know about some basic stuff about the project, and if you still have doubts, please do send an ask! I’ll gladly answer it ^^

WIPs of CGs

You didn’t think that the only drawing I was working on were sprites, right?

In today’s post, here are some CGs WIPs that I didn’t get around to finish yet (since their priority is below the character sprites, but it’s a nice change instead of doing sprites 24/7).

First, the pre-trial CGs!

There are some expressions/positions that I might be willing to change, although that’ll come in later when I gotta sit down to finish these. But yeah, later. (Also, just to be clear, I drew these waaay back, so the designs might not match the current ones).

In a trial, depending the type of chapter, the 1st CG and 3rd one will switch places. The one that appears last will be the one that contains the protagonist whose POV we are witnessing.

Second, one of every prologue’s main CGs. “The killing game has begun!”

Looks of doubt and deceith are flying across the room! Who will make it through the end of the day? And who’ll be left behind~?

It might seem pretty basic without them being colored, but hopefully it’ll look better in the future!

Animation Tests

Man, this was a lot of fun to work on, and it was all worth it! I hope you all enjoy these as much as I did while trying to materialize these concepts!

#1 - Prologue Title Card

Every chapter of this story has a title card, just like the original danganronpa games. In the case of DDR:LF, this is more or less what each card will look like.

It’s kinda basic; elements being added to the screen here and there, as well as some silhouettes appearing.

What are these silhouettes, you might ask? It’s none other than the cast of the fangan, but it’s not just anybody who’s randomly picked. The silhouettes belong to the victims and the murderers of the current chapter, so for example, chapter 1 will have the silhouette of the 1st victim and the 1st murderer, but it’ll be modified enough for the silhouette to not be easily recognizable; nobody wants to get spoiled the deaths right at the start of the chapter, right?

Of course, the prologue is an exception... maybe.

A bit of the BGM was done by me, while some other elements of it were taken off from royalty free sound effects/melodies websites.

---------------

#2 - Pixel Execution

As you all know, there’s always a pixel animation that starts off an execution. I have that too, of course! and in order to avoid spoilers + show you what I was able to do, I put myself in the place of the culprit. (I swear I didn’t kill off anyone yet... only after the fangan has started I’ll be considered guilty).

The background music was also composed entirely by me, although in the future it might change- but I don’t really know for certain, so get used to this for now :)

---------------

#3 - Execution style test

I’ve recently downloaded the program Live2D, and what for? For executions, no less! After trying it for a while, I’ve concluded that it’d simplify my job a lot more than if I used sony vegas for animating the executions (not to mention it looks smoother with this new one).

For this test, I’ve used Seiji as my puppet. It might be simple, but it was to test out the limits of the program. It turned out really good imo! So I’ve decided to use Live2D to animate the executions (or at least, do most parts of them with it). I learnt some stuff while experimenting around with the program, so next time I’ll finish these sort of things even faster probably.

Also I put it on loop because a 2 second video is rather sad.

GUI Design

Now, I'll admit that I'm not the best at GUI design, but I tried my best to come up with my own design for the fanganronpa's interface, which I made based on a water-ish looking theme. The (not final) result of that is the picture below.

In case that you’re wondering, no, this isn’t any sort of canon conversation. It’s just the phrase I could come up with.

And yes, the background is from V3; I don't have any backgrounds at all for the project yet lol.

The sun and the fish on the top right corner will change depending on the time of day; but that's something that I'll keep to myself until the moment I start posting the story.

I have conflicted feelings with this GUI though, I don't know if I like it or not. It looks somewhat good but still off at the same time? Although it might just be me. If anyone has any feedback or suggestion for the GUI's design, the inbox is always open to receive such help!

So what's next?

Currently, I have loads of assignments at college, so it's kinda hard to make a balance between the project, social life and college work. However, the project is something that won’t stop.

The fangan has only one member, which is me of course; that means it’s going at a slow pace. I'm willing to make a recruitment for help, but that’ll be later once I have the basics to let someone else help me. If you’re willing to volunteer for this project, keep heads eyes up for the day I call out for help.

In the past, I tried to learn how to program with unity, but it’s hard to follow it up when the free tutorials are scattered here and there. When I have free time and everything art-related has been set up, I might try to pick it up again. I say might because I’m gonna start a tiny course for unreal engine at college. Maybe with the basics that they teach there, I’ll be able to do a better/quicker job than if I did it with unity (which I have 0 experience with). But the future is uncertain, so I’ll be the judge of that once I’m done with that course!

With that being said... as of now, the next objectives for the project (not ordered by priority) are the following:

Finishing Default Sprites.

I only have 7 default sprites done out of the 16 students, and I’m already working on the 8th. Half-way there?

Concept Art for each Room/Place.

While I have written down all the places in each dome, there are some that I need to draw the concept of the place, since the idea in my mind keeps changing them, I should settle them down.

Finishing Writing the Prologue and the Basics of Chapter 1.

I mean I already have like a half of these two things or more, but since I keep changing it, they never get any actual progress. Maybe I should learn to let it be as it is lol.

Creating 3D Assets.

Of course, I’ll make the 3D models for the rooms and props... well, I might do them; that is if I can’t find anyone that can make them. Pros of this is that I can do things exactly how I want them; cons are that it takes time and I’m not an expert in 3D modeling.

Trial GUI.

Class trials in danganronpa have a different GUI than the one used outside of them. We have a beta for the general GUI up there, now we need one for the class trial’s as well!

Concept Art for... a Trial Thing.

It’s no surprise that there are special things in fanganronpas, such as making changes to certain game mechanics, or creating completely new ones. The one I’m refering to in this case is a change to an already existing mechanic in the DR games. Can you guess which one it is~?

Splash Art.

During the first year of birthdays, I drew some sketches for the characters; those are the base for their future splash art.

---------------------

And last (and currently least important)

Recruiting Volunteers for the Project.

Obviously, I can’t do everything in this project by myself. In the future, once I have made a base for every ground of the project, I’ll recruit people that can work from there. Artists (GUI,CG and Sprite), Compositors, and 3D modelers are the ones that I’ll be looking for in this recruitment. In an even-later recruitment, I’ll make a casting call for voice actors as well. Please be patient though!

---------------------------------------------

I suppose that’s it for this very long post. It took more days than expected to put everything together, but at last I can release it now!

Now, June and July are pretty busy months at college, so unfortunatelly the progress will slow down a lot more than usual for the next few weeks. Thanks for sticking around this project despite the long road it has ahead! ^^

See you all in the next post! And if you read this entire thing, thank you for your interest in the fangan! <3

[flarebossmalva]

going vaguely off of the post i reblogged about "soulmate bands” bc i’ve been thinking about this a bunch actually esp. of recent

(under cut: me getting overly analytical about my favorite band and how much it means to me that they seem to be doing better now)

my favorite MM album is Eureka and i’ve talked about that a lot, i even made a huge post analyzing it a long time ago, i think it’s a fantastic album in general and has great thematic coherence. it is also very clearly uhhh... not coming from a very mentally healthy space. Eureka is about feeling helpless, feeling lost, knowing something is wrong with you and not knowing how to change things, being afraid of the world and people around you, wanting to flat-out stop existing, and so on. don’t get me wrong, not all the tracks are negative and the album’s overarching theme is about wanting to break out of this cycle and improve, but the reason i love this album is largely because i found myself relating to it extremely strongly during a time in my life where i was very seriously ill both mentally and physically. 

The Sticks, which is probably my second favorite album of theirs, is dealing with a lot of the same themes from Eureka, although the desire to break out of an unhealthy mode of thinking and being seems... less present. while again, not all of the album is depressing and a lot of the tracks are actually pretty upbeat, the core of the album is escapism, specifically completely breaking off from modern society and going to live in, well, the sticks... and also ultimately dying in the sticks. the album both starts and ends with the lyrics “...with a couple of sticks, and a couple of stones / i’ll dig a pit and lay my bones” which is fairly explicit. even tracks like The Sticks and Bit By Bit, which just talk about running away to live in the woods, have to be viewed through that lens in the context of the album. the most unambiguously cheery song on the album, Infinitesimal, is directly followed by Happy, which is about being profoundly depressed. 

these two albums were released two years apart (Eureka came out in 2011, The Sticks came out in 2013). i’d talk about their prior two albums but honestly, though i love them both, Touch Up is all over the place thematically and O My Heart is only slightly more focused, so it’s hard for me to analyze them much. i’d say Eureka is when we started getting the best insight into what was on the band’s collective mind at the time.

i don’t wanna assume things or pry into anyone’s personal life, so i’m not gonna conjecture about what specifically the folks in MM have experienced, but also i don’t need to because they’ve talked enough about it for me and the rest of their fans to know that their music is very personal. i think that’s why i relate to their music on such a personal level myself and why it resonates with me in a way not a lot of music does. so to get to the point of this post... it means the world to me that Dance and Cry is so clearly about recovery, and that the overall trend with their music has showcased how they’re getting better (mentally and emotionally, but, hell, musically also lol). 

to back up a bit: Very Good Bad Thing (released 2014) is, like the two albums that came before it, pretty dark in terms of themes. Have It Out is about self-loathing, I Go Hungry is about disordered eating, Reaper Man is about feeling like you’re fucked-up in general, and i could go on here but i think three examples is enough to make my point. on the flip side, though, Monkey Tree (another escapism track, actually the only escapism track on this album) is not only a super fun upbeat song but doesn’t use wanting to run away somewhere as a metaphor for wanting to be dead or wanting to cease to exist, and in fact the album doesn’t allude to such a desire much at all — the one track dealing with death as a subject is Kept Down and it’s about wanting to somehow brighten the lives of dead children after the fact.

then we have No Culture (2017) which isn’t overall about recovery but has several tracks about getting better. The Drugs is the most obvious example, as it’s about moving on from being depressed and from reliance on, well, drugs (just to make it clear: they’re talking about recreational drugs, not psych meds). Free, the opening track, is a lot broader/vaguer with its lyrics but is also an upbeat song about making it through tough times. it’s not a cheery song, but Mouth of the Devil is about resisting the urge to slip back into unhealthy habits / relapse. i don’t think i can express how much it meant to me to see this from them. again, on the personal side, when the singles from this album started dropping i was inpatient at a mental hospital. i’d been spiraling downwards for months, if not years, at that point. and to have my favorite band release a single about recovery just as i was dealing with one of the most profound periods of hopelessness in my life... like i don’t think i can adequately describe how much that impacted me and gave me the strength to move forward. 

what i love most about Dance and Cry is that it’s not mindless positivity or simplifying the recovery process. it’s very explicit about how much work it takes to get better (So Down), how difficult it is to keep positive momentum going (Bottom is a Rock), and how cathartic it is to allow yourself to express your negative emotions too (the whole album, but the title track in particular). it’s an honest portrait of what recovery feels like, and i would expect nothing less from them. it isn’t hyperbolic and doesn’t set unrealistic expectations. you’ll still have bad days, you’ll still fall back into cycles of unhealthy behavior, you’ll still get down and get hurt and cry about it and that’s okay, that’s how it works. 

and i feel like... if i can relate to their previous albums about being in a terrible mental space as strongly as i did and still do, i can one day get to a place where i’m relating hardest to the tracks about recovery. it’s a long and hard road and i don’t expect anything to magically turn around overnight, but i at least have a bit of a road map. anyway that’s why we stan