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watchmegetobsessed · 4 years ago

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TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part One (Harry Styles)

a/n: oh my god i am sooo thankful for the love the masterlist got with just so little info about the story! it means so much to me and i really hope i won’t disappoint you with this story! i was planning to post the first part on tuesday but i got excited bc of all the feedback and reactions and decided to start earlier, so here it is, part one of TLABL, a story im kind of proud of and very happy to share! please drop by my ask box or leave your thoughts on the story, i would love to hear everything from you guys!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce

word count: 11.2k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

“I hope you realize this holds nothing against you, we all love and appreciate you and your work, but we had to face some unexpected problems this past year.”

You sit in front of Claire, your boss completely dumbfounded, not even comprehending what she is saying completely. You came to work this morning absolutely oblivious that today is going to be your last day of work at the daycare you’ve been working at for over two years now.

“I’m sorry, but last time you let us in on the budget you didn’t bring up any complication that might have indicated someone could lose their job, so what possible problem could have come up so abruptly?” you ask with a shocked and nervous chuckle. Part of you kind of hopes this is just some stupid joke she is playing on you, but Claire is not one to make games out of such serious things. Letting out a tired sigh she pushes her reading glasses up to the top of her head into her carefully curled hair.

“Look, I’m really trying not to make a big deal out of it, but we had to make some cuts on the budget. The kitchen and gymnasium renovation was completely unplanned and it kicked us in the butt. We are making some changes about the groups this year and it was made that it can be solved with one less person on the team. I’m sorry it had to be you, but the decision had to be made.”

“But why me?” you press. “There are two people who have been working for a shorter period of time here, didn’t I earn your trust during my time here?”

“It’s not about that, Y/N,” Claire shakes her head.

“Then what is this about?”

“If you are so keen on knowing, we’ve… received a few… complaints.” Your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline, this is the first time you’re hearing about it.

“Complaints?”

“Yes. Some parents are not quite the fan of the kind of mentality you are using while teaching the kids.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask, feeling all the blood rushing out of your face. This is starting to get way too nasty. Claire pinches the bridge of her nose before leaning onto her desk, clasping her hands together.

“I know that you are quite the free spirit and want to teach the kids about openness and acceptance, but not everyone is as rainbow as you are. Some kids brought the word home about what kind of books you’ve been reading and we’ve gotten a few concerns about you basically promoting the LGBTQ community for the kids.”

“I’m not promoting, I’m trying to teach them to accept everyone just the way they are, how can that upset anyone?!”

“Well, it does. The committee had to make a decision on who we should let go and many agreed that it might be the safest decision to make it be… you.”

You’re about to faint. You are sure you are about to fall off this chair and just black out. How can someone get mad about you reading stories about acceptance and treating everyone equally? What kind of monster can see it as a bad thing? And now you are losing your job over such a stupid thing that you don’t even feel responsible for.

Though you’d love to stay and try to convince Claire to not let you go, you know the decision has been made and if you’re being honest, you don’t feel comfortable anymore working at a place where parents tell you off for teaching important values for their kids. Sadly, but you sign all paperwork about your immediate parting and you leave Claire’s office to pack your stuff.

“Miss Y/N! Miss Y/N!” Izzy, one of the sweetest girls in your group basically launches herself at you, smashing against your legs as she hugs you happily. “Do you want to see what I just painted?” She blinks up at you with her gorgeous green eyes and your heart breaks that you won’t get to see her again.

“Oh, Sweetie. I have to—you know what? Sure. Show me your painting,” you smile at her warmly. You can’t say no to her, not when this is the last time you get to see her.

As you’re cleaning out your locker in the break room, Heather walks in and stops in her tracks, seeing you with your gloomy face as you pack everything into a cardboard box.

“What the hell are you doing?” she questions right away. The two of you have known each other for years now, you did the same master’s programme and somehow ended up working here together, carrying on the friendship you’ve formed through your school years.

“I was… fired,” you sigh, wincing at the words.

“What?! Why?”

“Apparently, we are having some budget problems with all the renovations that was made recently and unbeknownst to me, some parents have been complaining about my openness with kids so I was the lucky one to part ways with.”

“That’s fucking bullshit! The kids adore you, how can someone complain about something like that?”

“Don’t know, ask them if you ever find out who they are,” you mumble under your breath as you shut the now empty locker closed. “I’m sorry we can’t carpool anymore,” you pout at her.

“No fucks given about that, what are you gonna do now?” she asks, seemingly very bummed at the news that you won’t be working at the same place now.

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I guess I’ll have to find something new if I don’t want to end up on the streets,” you mumble.

“Oh girl, I’m so sorry,” Heather sighs pulling you into a hug. “Why don’t we go out for drinks on Friday? Everything is on me!”

“Don’t act like I’m already broke, makes me feel like a loser.”

“Sorry,” she scowls. “Just want to brighten you up a little. Meet me at seven at that Mexican place, how does that sound?”

“Stuffing my face with nachos and tequila? Sounds like the best plan I could wish for.”

You waste no time arriving home after your worst day at work. You jump right into the job ads, looking for basically anything that might help you out of this impossible situation. Sending your resume to as many places as possible, you get a few callbacks the next few days, but you only make it to one interview on Friday and that doesn’t go well either. The man who calls in for an open position at a private kindergarten turns out to be a total snob and he doesn’t find your free spirit too fitting with the profile of his institution so you get rejected at the end of the interview.

You head out to meet Heather feeling like shit. You’ve been unemployed for four days, but it’s already breaking your spirits.

“You know what? Clair is a bitch for giving in to the complaints,” Heather slams her fourth shot glass on the table with a grimace. “She should have defended you!”

“I’m sure she just didn’t want to get into any disagreement. Some of the parents donate great amounts to the school and Claire would never risk losing that money,” you sigh rolling your eyes.

“Okay, but she is being very… not inclusive,” she narrows her eyes. “Firing someone for teaching the kids openness? Bullshit.”

“I’m just sad I don’t get to see the kids anymore. They really grew close to my heart.”

“The little fuckers can be so damn cute, almost make me want to have one.” Heather sighs, downing another shot before pulling the nachos closer to her. You laugh at her vulgar reaction, she has always had quite a dirty mouth but somehow she controls herself well around the kids. “How has the job hunting been?”

“Horrible,” you growl in frustration. There are not many that offer a good paycheck and the few that does are these posh places that expect you to treat the kids like they are made out of gold which is ridiculous. That’s not how you raise a kid!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sure something will come up soon. Why don’t you look into nanny jobs, have you thought about that?”

“What do you mean?” you furrow your eyebrows, popping some chips into your mouth.

“A lot of people prefer having nannies for their little children, some even want them to move in. My brother’s ex-girlfriend was a live-in nanny for about two years and she earned a shit ton of money, because she didn’t have to pay rent and a good chunk of the food, because the parents just treated her like part of the family and bought groceries for five people instead of four.”

“I’m not sure I’m cut out for that kind of stuff.”

“What, earning money?” Heather scoffs.

“No, living with a stranger.”

“Most of the time the nanny gets like a separated place so it wouldn’t be that bad, but you know what’s good for you. It was just an idea,” she shrugs.

Soon enough you drop any work talk not wanting to ruin the mood. You enjoy some time away from the stress of job hunting and you’re just trying to have fun with your best friend. You start talking about nostalgic memories from college and end up looking up people you graduated with on social media, checking out what they’ve been up to in the past years.

“Alright, I’m gonna go to the restroom quickly, watch out for my drink,” you announce pushing your drink closer to Heather as you head towards the restrooms.

There’s a bit of a line so you stand behind two girls chatting about some cute guy they just met and leaning against the wall you close your eyes for a moment, feeling the drinks hitting you in the head. You’re not used to drinking, haven’t really had the time to get drunk too much lately and it’s saddening to think that now that you’re unemployed, you could black out every day, you wouldn’t have anywhere to show up in the morning.

Getting deep in your thoughts you almost don’t even notice that your phone is buzzing in your pocket. When you finally realize you pull it out of your back pocket and look down at the unknown number with a scowl. You quickly leave your spot in the line and rush out to hear something as you answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I hope I’m not calling at an inconvenient time, I’m Harry Styles and I’m looking to talk to Y/N Y/L/N?” you hear a thick British accent on the other end of the line.

“This is her.”

“Great. Sorry for the late call, I’m Isabelle’s father.”

“Isabelle?” you ask in confusion, the names not really clicking in your head thanks to the shots you’ve been taking.

“Isabelle Styles? Izzy?”

“Oh! Yes! Sorry, yeah. Mr. Styles, what can I help you with?” you ask, not sure why Izzy’s dad would be calling you.

“Well I just recently learned from my daughter that you’re not working at the daycare any longer?” “Uh, yeah. Unfortunately I was fired this Monday…” you awkwardly answer.

“I’m sorry about that. Izzy has been really sad about it, I wanted to ask if you’ve found a new job already?”

“Not yet, I’ve been looking but I haven’t had much luck yet,” you confess.

“In that case I have an offer to make,” he firmly continues and you perk up at his words. “I’ve been thinking about pulling Izzy out of daycare, but I didn’t want to do it until I found someone to take good care of her. You’ve been her absolute favorite and she’s been devastated since you’ve been gone. If you’re up for a job of this kind, I would like to offer you a spot as Izzy’s nanny.”

“Oh!” is all you react, completely not expecting this call.

“I know there are a lot to discuss, but if you’re interested, I would be more than happy to have a chat with you sometime this weekend? To go over the details and see if we can make it work.”

“I, uh… Um, yeah. We can meet, that sounds good. When would it be good for you?”

“How about tomorrow afternoon?”

“That can work.”

“Amazing!” he beams. “I’ll send you the address through text if that’s alright for you.”

“Yeah, of course. When should I be there?”

“Would three o’clock suit you?”

“Absolutely,” you nod, stunned at the turn of events.

“Great, thank you so much, and once again, sorry to bother you on your Friday evening. Looking forward to see you tomorrow!”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles, see you soon!”

You get back in line at the bathroom and then make your way back to the table where Heather gives you a puzzled look.

“Did you take a massive shit or something?” she jokes as you take your seat and stare back at her, still in shock.

“No, I had a very interesting call, actually.”

“With who?”

“Um, Izzy Styles’ dad just called and offered me a job as her nanny.”

Heather almost chokes on her drink, coughing at the news. You hand her a napkin as she dries her chin off from her cocktail.

“Harry Styles wants you to be the nanny of his daughter?” she gasps.

“You know Izzy’s dad?”

“Y/N, everyone knows him! He is the sexiest man to walk this planet and not to mention that he is like stupidly rich! Have you not seen him yet?”

“Not really,” you shrug. “Izzy was picked up by an old woman most of the times, I guess I never worked when her dad came for her.”

“That explains why you’re not squirming already,” she scoffs. “That man is like… crazy hot, I’m telling you. I bumped into him one morning when I guess he was dropping Izzy off, the way he said ‘Pardon me, Darling’ made my knees shake,” she tells you, faking an accent that’s nowhere near what Mr. Styles sounded like on the phone.

“Well, I guess I’ll see him for myself. I’m meeting him tomorrow to discuss details,” you shrug and Heather slams her hand on the table.

“Oh my God! You’re gonna work for Harry Fucking Styles! Get ready because your panties will be soaking wet all the time,” she laughs like a hyena.

“Heather, stop!” you shake your head laughing too.

Following Mr. Styles’ call you decide to cut the night shorter than you intended, not wanting to look absolutely wasted when you meet him. Arriving home to your small, one bedroom apartment you take a quick shower before climbing to bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to collect your thoughts. You told Heather you’re not willing to do the whole live-in nanny thing and Mr. Styles might not even want you to live with them, but now that the option is there, you realize it might not be the worst case scenario. Especially since you’re not really swimming in other job offers and you are in desperate need of anything at this point.

Despite having consumed quite some alcohol the previous night, you wake up at a reasonable hour in the morning, finding a text from Mr. Styles about the address you’d have to be going in the afternoon. You make a quick trip to the grocery store and do some chores before you start getting ready for the meeting. You opt for a simple black dress that reaches your knees and pair it with a little funkier, flower printed blazer to bring some color into the outfit.

Punching the address into the GPS you see that it’s taking you to the outer skirt of the city to the neighborhood that’s known to have some quite luxurious estates and you immediately think back to what Heather said about him being ridiculously rich. Driving down the streets in your old Volkswagen you couldn’t stand out more at a place where at least three cars park on the driveways and one of them is a Ferrari or a Porsche.

There’s a massive security gate under the address that’s your destination and it’s left open so you can pull up to the driveway easily. You park next to a fucking Tesla, finding it extremely funny to see your car next to it, but it is what it is. Walking up to the front door you ring the bell as you take a look at the house that can easily considered to be a mansion. Guessing from the outside there are at least about five bedrooms in it and you can only imagine what other luxurious units are squeezed into it.

Soon enough the front door opens and you find yourself staring back at a breathtakingly gorgeous man, wearing a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black suit pants, his chocolate curls falling to his forehead as his emerald eyes fall on you, a warm smile tugging on his lips.

Shit. Heather was fucking right, you think to yourself swallowing hard.

“Miss Y/L/N, it’s so nice to see you. I’m Harry, Izzy’s dad, come on in!” he invites you inside before a short handshake.

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Styles.”

“Please, just call me Harry. I don’t like formalities at home,” he asks you as the two of you walk further inside until you arrive to what looks like a living room, but it’s actually the size of your apartment.

“Only if you call me Y/N,” you smile at him and he nods right away.

“Miss Y/N!” you hear a small voice call out and turning around you see Izzy running down the hallway until she throws herself against your legs.

“Oh, hello Sunshine!” you hum, squatting down so you can hug her.

“I missed you!” she pouts, rubbing her eyes.

“I missed you too,” you smile at her, caressing her soft cheeks before standing up. An older lady walks in, the one you’ve seen picking up Izzy. She approaches you with a friendly smile as she extends a hand towards you.

“Hi, I’m Ruth, it’s nice to meet you.” “Y/N, nice to meet you too.”

“Ruth, would you take Izzy outside while I talk to Miss—erm, Y/N here?” Harry requests. Ruth nods and taking Izzy’s hand she lures her outside to look for ladybugs in the backyard and that immediately catches her attention. The two of them leave through the sliding door, giving you and Harry privacy.

“Please, have a seat,” he gestures towards the sectional couch. “Would you like something to drink?”

“I’m good, thank you,” you smile at him as he sits in an armchair across you.

The interior of the house is quite cozy, kind of modern with a hint of vintage touches that make it less rigid, a pop of color showing at most corners so it’s not too monochrome. You quite like it.

“Y/N, I once again apologize for calling you at such an inappropriate hour, but I often work late and I wanted to get in touch with you as soon as possible upon hearing the news.”

“Don’t worry about it, I understand.”

“Isabelle mentioned it to me on Thursday that the other workers told her you no longer work at the daycare so I asked around a little yesterday and was informed that they let you go earlier in the week.”

“It was quite sudden for me as well,” you chuckle lightly, feeling a little anxious to talk about it.

“I know it’s not too appropriate, but I asked why they chose you to part ways with and I have to say it’s outraging that some parents are so ignorant and wayward. I’m really sorry this had to be the reason out of everything.”

“Thank you.” It actually feels nice that he thinks the same, this whole firing was ridiculous and you were losing hope in humanity, but Harry is now very much restoring it.

“Let me walk you through what the situation is here and what I was thinking about.” You nod and listen carefully. “I’m president of a record label and it consumes most of my time, I sometimes work sixty hours a week which I know is not ideal and healthy and I’m trying to change it, but it’s not an easy situation. I thought that putting Izzy into daycare was a good idea, but it’s been getting harder to work around her schedule as a single parent with so much work on my hands. Ruth is a family friend who has been helping tremendously with Izzy, but she is not getting any younger and she would like to retire fully and spend more time with her own grandkids. So I’ve been thinking about hiring a nanny for Izzy and try to make her days work around mine while I’m able to do that. She is going to start preschool in little over a year and I want to spend as much time with her as possible, but it’s not easy when the schedule depends on an institution. When she told me about your firing I had the thought that you might be interested in taking the spot as her nanny. She is obsessed with you, wouldn’t stop talking about what you do every day, and I might have also looked into your professional background. I like what I’ve seen and I’m very much into the way you’ve been dealing with the kids at the daycare. Openness is really important and I want Izzy to grow up in an environment that teaches her about being equal and supportive towards each other. I would be more than happy if you’d be the one taking care of Izzy while I’m not available.”

To say the east you’re stunned at how forward and open he was about the offer and his compliment about your professional background is quite flattering. You can tell he is doing an amazing job at raising Izzy as an open and accepting human, she was always one of the nicest and sweetest kids who always made sure to include all her peers in the games you played. And it’s obvious Harry is not just being a hypocrite, his tattooed arm, painted nails and ring clad fingers are not quite what you’d traditionally imagine a man like him wear, but he does it well and clearly doesn’t give a fuck what others might think about it.

Harry continues with how much he thought you’d be earning for the job and you almost choke on your own saliva. It’s almost three times as much as you’ve been earning at the daycare and you’d be able to save a good chunk every month which is quite amazing.

“I have to ask, were you thinking about a situation where I live with you or I’d have to be coming here every day?”

“Well, essentially it would be the easiest for everyone if you moved in. I have plenty of rooms you could choose from and you’d have access to everything else as well, of course, including the home gym, the pool, the sauna and the entertainment room. But I understand if you are not willing to make that commitment. If you choose to live here you wouldn’t be charged anything, naturally.”

This actually sounds like a dream, moving into this luxury mansion from your cramped little apartment and being able to save the money you’ve been paying on rent.

“And what would be the time management? If I moved in it would easily make me fall into a habit of always working, which is not quite ideal,” you point it out.

“Of course,” he nods. “I like to take care of her morning routine so you’d have to start around nine when I leave to the office. If we can make this deal working I’d like her to start taking some extra classes during the day, moving her activities earlier in the day so her afternoons would be free. She takes piano lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays, a swimming instructor comes here on Thursdays and she is taking French lessons every Tuesday and Friday. Everything takes place here, I would reschedule her activities to take place between nine and twelve. You wouldn’t have to worry about her during those times. You’d cover lunch time and then the afternoons. I try to get home between four and six and just work from home if it’s possible so I can be around her. You’d have to only help out whenever I can’t make it home in time I have urgent works that have to be done from home. We could have dinner time together and then her night time routine is my duty again. Ruth is willing to help me out on Saturdays and I spend Sundays with her strictly without any work distraction so you’d have the weekends off unless something comes up. In those cases I would check in with you beforehand and arrange it however it works best for you.”

You’re speechless for a moment. What he just shared doesn’t seem too bad, you might have to work a lot more, but being one on one with just one kid is much easier than dealing with fifteen of them at once. Not to mention that the money is still amazing compared to what you’d have to be doing.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s an amazing offer. Izzy is such a sweet girl, I would be more than happy to take care of her.”

Harry smiles at you warmly, clearly proud of his daughter, as he should be.

“Can I ask for some time to think about it? It would be a huge commitment.” “Of course. Take your time and let me know whatever your decision is.”

“Thank you.”

Harry offers a quick tour in the house regardless, the kitchen is massive, they have a nice dining area with floor-to-ceiling windows looking out to the green slopes of the backyard that seems to be Izzy’s kingdom. She has a playhouse that could almost function as a real one, the pool is filled with floaties for her and she has her own playground further in the back with slides, monkey bars and a swing set. Your assumptions were almost right about the number of bedrooms. Beside Harry’s master and Izzy’s own room there’s one that’s been used by Ruth, one that’s for Harry’s mother and sister for whenever they are staying over and there are three additional rooms now serving as guest bedrooms, one of those would be turned into your room if you chose to move in. The gym seems better than the one you’ve been going whenever you felt like being a little active, the entertainment room has everything you could ever think about for a room this sort of and the sauna is already calling your name. Living and working here might actually feel like a vacation.

“Miss Y/N! Look what I found!” Izzy runs up to you when you and Harry step out to the backyard, holding her pointing finger up. A ladybug is wandering around her tiny finger, not even bothering with the amazed girl that’s inspecting it.

“Wow! How many dots do you see on it?” you ask and she knits her eyebrows together, counting the black dots.

“Five!”

“Yes, good job!” you ruffle her curls as she smiles up at you proudly. She really is an angel, you’ve grown to like her a lot and you would be lying if you said you didn’t get emotional over thinking about never seeing her again. Being able to take care of her and give her the best possible childhood would be such a dream and the chance to do that is right in front of you.

“I’ll be waiting for your call, Y/N,” Harry smiles at you walking you towards the front door.

“Harry, I don’t think you need to do that,” you speak up and see his face fall, he obviously took it the wrong way, thinking that you want to say no to his offer.

“Oh…”

“It’s not that,” you chuckle softly. “I would love to take the job. And if you’re still okay with that, I’d like to move in, it would make everything just so much easier.”

You watch as his expression changes from disappointed to hopeful as he cracks a smile nodding.

“Yeah, the offer is still there. When do you think you can start?”

“How soon do you want to pull Izzy out of daycare?”

“As soon as possible. If I have to I can go in on Monday and do all the paperwork. You could move in sometime during the week maybe?”

“I have to talk to my landlord about my lease, but I’m fine with moving in during the week,” you nod smiling and you can’t help but feel excited.

“That would be wonderful. Thank you so much. I’m looking forward to working with you.”

You discuss a few more details and then you head out, thinking about how the next time you’ll be coming here, you’ll be moving in.

“If this one doesn’t go to the donate box, I’m leaving right now.”

Heather holds up a pair of denim shorts, painted in the colors of the flag of the States. She holds it pinched between her index finger and thumb as if it was something nasty and disgusting

“You know I only bought that for that stupid frat party. I never wore that anywhere else, so you can put it into the donate box.”

“Thank God!” she groans and throws the shorts into said box.

It’s Sunday evening and your place looks like a warzone, boxes taking up the place everywhere as you’re packing your life up to officially move into the Styles mansion. You agreed with Harry to bring over a good chunk of your stuff on Monday and then settle in for real on Tuesday. He is pulling Izzy out of daycare first thing on Monday and you’d stay at home with her for the first time on Wednesday. It’s been a fast paced change, but you couldn’t care less. With the amount Harry is gonna pay you, you’ll be able to save up a good chunk every month, like you always wanted to.

As you finish putting your books away you reach the shelves that contain all your photo albums. Photography has been your passion for a long time. It started as a simple hobby sometime through your freshman year in high school, but in senior year, your photos filled the yearbook and you even did the design of it too. You’ve had a few gigs since then, some weddings and pregnancy shoots and you like to sell your photos individually as well. You wouldn’t have imagined how much a simple nature photo costs.

Flipping through the one on the top, you can’t help the bitter smile on your face as you see the photos from your brother’s 14th birthday three years ago. There are tons of family pictures with you, your brother Trevor and your parents, seemingly being all happy and joyful. Things were different back then and you didn’t see anything coming.

It’s past midnight by the time you more or less finish packing, you’ve filled three big boxes with things to donate so you have significantly less stuff to move to the Styles mansion in the morning. Heather spends the night, but leaves early in the morning since she needs to go to work. The moving van you rented out arrives a little after eleven and the two guys from the moving company helps you load it with about two thirds of your stuff. Harry is at work when you arrive and Izzy is still at the daycare, Ruth is the only one at home, she helps you out even though you tell her not to break a sweat over it.

“Let me help, makes me feel needed,” she chuckles sweetly when you try to get her to stop, but she insists on bringing in some smaller bags and boxes.

You’re still unpacking when Ruth arrives back with Izzy a little after four. You hear her little feet tapping against the floor as she runs down the hallway, bursting into your future room.

“Miss Y/N! You’re here!” she cheers, throwing herself into your arms as you sit on the floor, being the perfect level for the little girl.

“I am! How was your day, little Sunshine?”

“We finger painted and I made a painting for daddy, do you want to see it?”

“Of course!”

Izzy disappears to get her backpack from Ruth who is making her some snacks in the kitchen. She soon returns with her painting, presenting it to you proudly.

“Look! This is me and this is daddy!” she points at the two human-like figures, the only thing giving away who is who is that one of them is bigger than the other one. “And then this is mommy!” she then adds, pointing at a star in the upper corner of the painting and you freeze.

In the midst of everything, you didn’t even have the time to question why Harry is a single parent. To be honest your first guess would have been divorce, but Izzy’s painting is telling you something a lot more tragic.

“It’s beautiful,” you smile at her, trying to hide your surprise at the new information. “I’m sure he’ll love it.”

Ruth makes sure Izzy is busy while you finish up unpacking and when you’re about to be done, Harry arrives home. Approaching your room even though the door is open he knocks on the doorframe, catching your attention.

“Hello, just wanted to see how things are going. Do you need help with anything? I’m sorry I couldn’t be here to help with the boxes and all…”

“Hi! Oh don’t worry about that, I had plenty of help,” you shrug smiling. “Everything is going fine, thank you.”

“Great. I did all the paperwork today, tomorrow is going to be Izzy’s last day at daycare. You’re still up to start on Wednesday, right?”

“Yeah, of course. I only have a few things left at home so I’ll be all set by tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much,” he smiles warmly. “And thank you for being so quick about everything. It means a lot to me that I can spend more time with Izzy thanks to you. I really appreciate it.”

“I should be thanking you the opportunity. I wasn’t really drowning in the job offers,” you chuckle making him smile as well. “Please let me know if you want me to change anything, I have a plan I would like to go around with Izzy’s days, but of course, your word is the most important.”

“I trust you to take good care of her during the day. The only thing I want is to have her home when I get home. Ruth couldn’t always pick her up before and I really hated to do the extra trip and pick her up from daycare instead of coming straight home to be with her.”

“Understandable. I’ll make sure to plan accordingly,” you nod smiling.

“Y/N, I want you to feel home as much as possible. This is your place just as much as it is ours now. Izzy and I go grocery shopping every Sunday, it’s kind of a father-daughter thing we do every week. We keep a list on the fridge, feel free to add whatever you need and we’ll get it.”

You can’t help the smile that stretches across your lips, because this is such a sweet thing to do, when Harry could easily afford someone to do the work for him. Yet he still uses this time to be with his daughter.

“Yeah, sure, thank you!”

“I’ll get out of your hair now. Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“Oh, no, but thank you. I still have some things to take care of before tomorrow.”

“Alright,” he nods before walking out. He leaves you thinking hard about him. You wonder what really happened to Izzy’s mom and if he is dating someone right now. A man like him is basically a dream to any woman, you doubt he is having a hard time finding a partner, but you haven’t seen any sign of another woman around the house. Guess you’ll have to wait and figure it out yourself.

The apartment is awfully empty on your last night here. When you moved in about a year ago you didn’t think you’d be moving into a mansion from here. You spend the evening cleaning out a bit so you leave the place in good condition. Your landlord was terribly nice about your early leave, you could easily agree that you’d pay for the two more weeks that’s left from the month and that would be all, no extra costs for moving out before your lease was up.

You’re cleaning off the kitchen counter when your phone starts ringing, it’s a video call from your brother.

“Hey there! What’s up?” you ask, propping up the phone on top of the microwave while you move around, doing your thing. Trevor seems to be lying in bed, a black hoodie covering his upper body.

“Hello, just wanted to see how the moving has gone today.”

Despite the ten year age gap between you and Trevor, your relationship couldn’t be better. Probably because you were old enough to see what a blessing a sibling really is when he was born.

“Everything went smoothly. I only have a few stuff to bring over, that can fit into my car tomorrow, so it’s fine.”

“Cool. How is the dude? What was his name again?”

“Harry. Harry Styles.” You see him pull his laptop to his lap and probably searches up Harry’s name before his eyes widen at the screen.

“This dude is big! He is the president of HES Records, they run some of the most popular singers these days.”

“Yeah? I was sure he is a big name judging from his mansion,” you chuckle.

“Have you looked him up yet?”

“Not really.” “Want me to read what’s here about him?”

“Sure,” you hum, continuing to clean while you listen to Trevor.

“Alright. Apparently he is thirty-one, took over the record company when he was just twenty-five because his father wanted to retire early. The number of talents working under the label has doubled since he has taken over and many of his clients have won Grammy Awards. Impressive,” he hums, scrolling down on whatever site he has just found. “He is known to be a private person, the last time he made an appearance… Oh shit…” Trevor breathes out and you turn to your phone with furrowed eyebrows.

“What?”

“Wow, this shit is heavy. It says the last time he made a public appearance was in 2017, not long before his wife was killed in a car accident.”

You freeze, feeling your stomach drop to the floor, immediately thinking back at Izzy’s painting of her family. It very much makes sense why she said the star was her mother, it must be the way Harry explained to her what happened to her mother.

“It happened in 2018, she wasn’t in the fault, a drunk driver ignored the red light and ran into her car at a crossroad. This is terrible, oh God.”

“Poor Izzy, she probably doesn’t even know what really happened.”

“Must have been hard on him, there’s not much about him since then.”

“Can’t blame him for not wanting to be in the spotlight after losing his wife.”

“Yeah.”

Trevor shows you a few pictures of him from years ago, he has always been handsome, but your favorites are the few from the times when he had long hair. He looked so different, like a whole other person, but still, he rocked it perfectly.

Then you show Trevor around in the empty apartment before loving to the couch, turning all your attention to him.

“How have things been?” you ask with a sigh. Trevor purses his lips and shrugs.

“Other than the constant screaming matches on the phone and endless fights every time dad comes over for more of his stuff? Everything is rainbows and butterflies.”

“Is it really that bad?” you scowl.

“It’s like they never run out of stuff to throw at each other, but I feel like this much couldn’t happen even in their twenty-eight years together,” he scoffs making you chuckle.

“I’m sorry you’re stuck in the middle of all that.”

“It’s like payback,” he hums and you give him a puzzled look. “You had it bad growing up for being the surprise baby, making them teen parents. Then I came at a reasonable time, they already knew the drill, but now that you’re out of the house I’m getting all the shit, having to deal with their divorce.”

“I’m really sorry, Trev,” you sigh, feeling guilty that he is all alone at home.

“It’s fine, I don’t blame you,” he shrugs. “But you could make it better if you asked your millionaire boss if I could hang out at his house sometimes.” He grins at you slyly and you roll your eyes. Of course he is already thinking about using you for his own good!

“I don’t want to push the boundaries just yet, but I’ll see what I can do.”

You talk a little more about school and what he’s been up to with his friends before ending the call. You take a shower and go to bed right away, feeling extremely worn out from all the packing you’ve done through the day.

The next day you pack the remainder of your stuff into your car and then your landlord comes over to do a checkup, though he fully trusts you took good care of the place.

“Again, thank you for your understanding, I didn’t plan to leave so early, but it just kinda came up,” you tell him, handing him over your keys.

“Don’t worry about it. I hope your new place will treat you right,” he smiles kindly at you.

You chat a little longer before you leave and head over to your new home. Once again, Ruth is the only one home and being the angel that she is, she helps you to carry your stuff up from the car before leaving to get Izzy from daycare. Since there’s not much left to unpack you finish quite fast, leaving you some extra time alone in the house. Walking around you try to learn your way around, still finding it a bit of a maze. You find Harry’s home office’s door open and after a bit of hesitation you step inside, just taking a look around. Yeah, it’s kind of a nosy thing to do, but you couldn’t help yourself.

His space is quite clear, he keeps his stuff neatly organized. Certificates and plaques are hung up on the wall, showing off his many successes in the business. There’s a huge bookcase near his desk and there you see some family photos… ones that include his late wife as well.

She was beautiful. There’s a picture of the three of them in the hospital from the day Izzy was born, Harry has an arm around his wife’s shoulders who is holding baby Izzy, both of them radiating happiness as they just become parents. Your heart breaks when you see the photo next to it, it’s just Harry and her in Paris, the Eiffel tower standing tall behind them as they are grinning widely at each other, foreheads touching. Harry has his arms wrapped around her slim figure while she is hugging his neck. They look so happy and in love, like they were always meant to be with each other. Knowing what tragedy hit them is just hard to process even for you, who never even met the woman.

You hear the front door open and Izzy is laughing at something, so you rush out before anyone could catch you snooping around.

“Hi Miss Y/N!” she chirps upon seeing you when you meet them in the living room.

“Izzy, you don’t have to call me Miss Y/N, Y/N is perfectly fine,” you smile at her, caressing her rosy cheeks.

“Okay. Ruth, can I please have some ice-cream?”

“I’m afraid we ran out of ice-cream, but I’ll put it on your grocery list,” Ruth tells her, a pout tugging on Izzy’s lips.

“How about this: I’m gonna make a delicious smoothie, that’s almost like melted ice-cream, would you like some?” you offer and her eyes brighten up immediately, nodding right away.

While Ruth puts away Izzy’s things they brought home from daycare, while the two of you move to the kitchen to make the smoothie together. You find some frozen berries in the freezer and pair them with bananas, putting them all into the blender with oatmilk, blending it all together.

“How is it?” you ask Izzy, who is sitting on top of the counter, tasting the pink smoothie that leaves a cute little mustache above her cherry lips.

“I like it!” she smiles, scrunching her nose.

“We can make it some other time then,” you smile, drinking up your portion.

Izzy is dancing around the kitchen, babbling about her last day at daycare while you clean the glasses and the blender when Harry arrives. He is wearing a baby blue suit with a crispy dress shirt underneath, looking fashionable but still business appropriate at the same time.

“Daddy!” Izzy launches towards her daddy, who catches her, throwing her into the air before holding her in his arms, joining you in the kitchen.

“Hey baby. How was your day?”

“Good, all my friends hugged me but I told them we would meet in the park.”

“That’s right, and I have the number of all your friends’ parents, we can have playdates with them whenever you want to,” he smiles before his eyes meet yours. “Hi Y/N, everything went well with the rest of your moving?”

“Yeah, I’m all set,” you smile back at him.

“That’s great. I have a few calls to make, but I’ll be done in thirty probably. Would you mind looking out for Izzy in the meanwhile?”

“Of course. She promised me to take me around her room, so we could do that, what do you say?” you ask the little girl who nods in excitement.

Harry disappears in his office and Izzy pulls you to her room, showing you just about every toy she owns. Her room is a typical girl’s room, the walls are painted a light pink color, her bedframe resembles a castle and she has a dollhouse as big as your previous bathroom. Harry clearly spoils her rotten, but what you noticed is that she is not one of those annoying bratty only children who can’t take no. She was clearly taught how to behave and always listen to the adults.

While Izzy is putting her stuffed animals away after introducing you to all of them, you spot a photo frame near her bed, decorated with macaroni. You remember when you all did that together at daycare and now you get to see the photo that ended up behind the glass.

It’s a photo of Izzy and her mother, she was just a baby and doing quick math in your head you realize it must have been not long before her accident, might even be the last picture taken of the two of them. Her mom is smiling at the camera while Izzy is sleeping in her arms peacefully. Izzy looked a lot like her when she was a baby, the bridge of her nose and her lips resembled her mother’s, though now she appears to take more after her dad with her chocolate curls and piercing green eyes.

“That’s my mommy,” she tells you when she sees you looking at the photo.

“It’s a nice picture,” you smile at her, trying your best to hide how heartbroken you feel even just looking at the photo.

“Daddy said she had to go up to the sky, but she is watching me from there,” she explains, clearly not entirely sure what it means, but you can tell she misses her. “Daddy said she is living between the stars now and that she loves me very much.” You need to fight your tears back at her words.

“I’m sure of that too,” you breathe out smiling at her.

“Izzy, do you want to help me make dinner?” Harry walks in smiling, though it disappears for a moment when he sees the two of you looking at the photo of his wife, but he is quick to control himself.

“Yes! What are we making?” she runs over to him, jumping up and down.

“Uh, chicken and veggies.”

You step away from the photo, pretending like nothing just happened. You’re dying to discuss it with Harry, hear him talk about it, but you won’t push him. If he wants to share it, he’ll come to you.

“Alright, come on then,” he smiles down at her. “Thank you for watching her, I’ll take over from here. Food will be ready in about an hour, Ruth is staying with us as well,” he informs you.

“Great, I’ll… I’ll be in my room,” you nod.

The first two weeks on the job brush past smoothly. It takes you some time to get used to your new home, but taking care of Izzy doesn’t feel like work, so you’re feeling amazing in your new job. You easily fall into a schedule with her.

The mornings are always Harry’s duty. He wakes her up around seven-thirty, makes her breakfast and dresses her for the day before he leaves around nine. Thanks to this habit of his, you’re able to sleep in until eight, leaving you plenty of time to get ready for your day with Izzy before Harry has to leave. Depending on the weather, the two of you then either take over the back yard or move to her room for some play time before her class of the day starts in the noon. Piano with Rosaline on Mondays and Wednesdays, French lesson with Lyon on Tuesdays and Fridays and then Izzy’s favorite on Thursdays, swimming class with Kitty.

Izzy loves to help in the kitchen so you usually make lunch together. Once her tummy is full she takes a nap before you sit down to learn something new every day. You’ve been teaching her the numbers and the alphabet, or some days you just talk about anything that interests her and learn at least two things she hasn’t know yet, all through games so she doesn’t even realize what you’re doing. You’re usually done by around three, leaving you time to take a visit to the park, if Harry is not planning to take her himself later that day.

You’re strictly home by four, unless it’s Tuesday when she has her dance class until five. Those days you drive her to her class, run some quick errands and pick her up. Harry usually uses his extra time in the office on these days, but he is always home by six to have dinner together with his daughter.

Once Harry is home you’re off duty, though you like to stay close, not just in case something comes up for Harry, but because you genuinely like spending time with Izzy and Harry, seeing them interacting.

Harry sometimes has to work on Saturdays as well, but just as he promised Ruth is always here to take over duty on those days, leaving you free for the whole weekend. It’s been working perfectly for you and those very few concerns you had about moving in dissolve quite fast as soon as you start working.

Though it’s been pretty clear to you before, you now one hundred percent sure that Harry is living for his daughter. She is always a priority, he doesn’t hesitate to decline any work calls he gets in the evenings if Izzy needs him, if she is a little fussy and wants her daddy’s attention or when they are in the middle of a game. He is clearly trying to keep a balance between his work and role as a father and from what you’ve seen, it seems like he is doing an amazing job in that. However you haven’t learned much else about him. He is all friendly towards you, but makes sure to keep it business casual, not quite keen on getting to know each other better as just friends, maybe.

A Friday afternoon you’re having a little tea party in the backyard with Izzy when Harry arrives home, but this time, he is not alone. Through the sliding door you spot him with a blonde guy who is talking very articulately as Harry is typing on his phone. The man looks about Harry’s age, but you can’t tell if he is a friend or a business partner, but if Harry brought him home, he is more likely to be a friend of his.

“Uncle Niall!” Izzy gasps when he spots the man through the glass and abandoning the tea party, she starts running towards the door. The man spots her and slides the door open grinning widely before she jumps into his arms.

“Little bugger! How are ya?” the man laughs, holding Izzy in a tight hug before leaning back to take a good look at her. You notice his thick Irish accent and it suits his appearance quite well. You head inside as well, in case Harry needs Izzy busy for a little longer, though he doesn’t mind having her around, kissing the top of her head before finishing up whatever he was doing on his phone, watching Niall and Izzy smiling.

“I’m having a tea party with Y/N, wanna join?” Izzy invites the man, who then looks at you for the first time, smiling widely.

“Hi, I’m Y/N, Izzy’s new nanny,” you introduce yourself, holding out a hand that he shakes, keeping Izzy in his other arm without a problem.

“Nice to meet ya, I’m Niall.”

“Y/N, Niall is an old friend of mine. He is joining us for dinner, hope you don’t mind,” Harry informs you and you find it funny how he is kind of asking for your approval when it’s his house.

“Not at all.”

“Harry has told me he hired a pair of new hands to help, but he didn’t mention it’s a stunning young woman!” Niall beams, making you blush right away.

“Ni, I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to pick up my daughter’s new nanny,” Harry warns him lightly, though there’s some firmness in his tone, not that it scares Niall in any way, he even winks at you.

“Oh come on, you can’t expect me not to flirt when you surround yourself with so many pretty women! First Ruth and now Y/N!”

You smile at him, something is telling you he wasn’t joking and he tried to flirt with Ruth as well. Harry just rolls his eyes at his friend, taking Izzy from him.

“Keep it in your pants, Niall,” Harry tells him and though it’s nothing vulgar, it catches Izzy’s attention.

“What should he keep in his pants?” she questions, making your and Harry’s eyes grow big right away. Luckily, Niall keeps his cool and takes care of the situation.

“My attitude, Sweetie. Your daddy is just jealous because I’m more handsome than he is,” he smirks at the little girl, successfully avoiding an awkward conversation about what it is that Niall should keep in his pants.

You smile at his reply, even though you are not that sure about the comparison he just made between himself and Harry.

“Izzy, do you want to continue the tea party?” you ask her and even though just a minute ago she was inviting Niall to join her, now she shakes her head no. “Alright, I’ll pack it up then.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ll do it, right Izzy? She brought it all out, she is going to be the one packing it up,” Harry reminds her and she nods.

The two of them move outside to put her little tea set back into the basket she keeps it in, leaving you and Niall alone.

“So Y/N, how did you end up here?”

“I was working at Izzy’s daycare, but they sent me away not long ago. Then Harry contacted me and offered the job which was a lifesaver, truly.”

“That’s great! Well, not that you got fired, but that you ended up here. I know it means a lot for Harry that he can spend more time with Izzy, you’re making everything a lot easier for him.” Niall walks over into the kitchen and grabs a water for himself as he leans against the counter. “I can see that he is a lot more relaxed now already.”

“Really?” you ask, surprised.

“Yeah. I know he always used to stress about picking Izzy up, or forgetting something the daycare asked for. Now he can make it all work just how he wants to, that fits him a lot more. It hasn’t been easy on him since Maggie’s death.”

This is the first time you hear anyone talk about Harry’s wife and now you just learned her name. Maggie.

“Being a single parents is never easy,” you add with a soft smile, not wanting to interrogate Niall about Maggie. It’s Harry’s place to tell you about her, if he wants to, of course.

Soon enough Izzy and Harry take over the kitchen, Niall helping them this time and you leave them alone, taking some time for yourself in your room. Later you go out to check if there’s anything you could help with, Harry asks you to set the table as he finishes up the cooking.

“So, Y/N. Tell me a little bit about yourself!” Niall asks you over dinner.

“Um, what do you want to know?” you ask, feeling a little flustered to be in the spotlight.

“I don’t know, family, friends, hobbies?”

“Well, I have a younger brother, Trevor. He is seventeen and already taller than me.”

“Oh, that seems like a big age gap.”

“Ten years, to be exact,” you nod. “He was planned, I wasn’t,” you add with a soft chuckle. “But we have a great relationship, so it’s all good. We talk almost every day.”

“I’m sure you’ll get well along with Gemma then!” Niall beams, glancing at Harry.

“Gemma is my sister,” Harry explains. “Though she is not that much older than me.”

“But you can bond over being stuck with a younger brother who outgrew you,” Niall jokes making all three of you laugh.

All through dinner you realize how different Niall is from Harry, but in a good way. While Harry is more quiet and calm, Niall is kind of all over the place, buzzing and chatting every chance he got, but the two of them make a great pair, bringing what the other doesn’t have to the table.

After dinner you attempt to leave them again, but Niall makes you stay as they open a glass of wine. Harry puts on a movie for Izzy to keep her busy, giving the three of you a chance to sit out at the terrace from where you still can keep an eye on the little girl inside.

“Alright, Y/N. When are we going on our first date then?” Niall asks out of the blue, a cocky smile tugging on his lips.

“Niall, for fuck’s sake,” Harry breathes out as you let out an awkward chuckle.

“What? I think there’s some electricity going on between us.”

“I, uhh—I don’t…”

“Please don’t turn me down!” he sighs dramatically, making you smile.

“You’ve been great company, but I’m not sure we should go out,” you tell him. He huffs in disappointment, but it’s clear he didn’t take it to his heart.

“Is it because you’re taken? I didn’t even ask, are you dating anyone? You can’t be engaged, because I don’t see any rings,” he points out, nodding towards your naked fingers, however his words make you suck on your breath.

“I’m not engaged. Not anymore,” you admit and you watch their eyes go wide at the information.

“Wait, you’ve been engaged before?” Harry asks, clearly surprised, if not shocked.

“Yeah. For about four months,” you nod, running your tongue over your lips as you reach for your wine, taking a few large gulps.

“And what did the fucker do?” Niall bluntly questions, earning a look from Harry. “What? I’m just curious what twat it takes to lose a woman like her!”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about that,” Harry presses, but you shrug.

“It’s not a secret. We dated for about two years before he proposed. I said yes, started planning the wedding and everything, then found out that he had been cheating on me with his assistant for about a year. We broke up, simple as that. It’s in the past, happened a year ago.”

“That’s some next level asshole bullshit,” Niall shakes his head while Harry is just staring at you with an unreadable look before he turns his attention at his glass, still clearly deep in his thoughts and you wonder what he thinks of you now. Here is the loser who not only got cheated on, but lost her job, all of that just in one year.

Harry doesn’t react, and a moment later Izzy comes out because she is thirsty, so daddy duties call him away. Niall stays a little, but heads home soon as well.

“It was nice meeting you, Y/N. The date still stands though,” he smirks when he pulls back from the short hug he enveloped you in.

“Alright,” you chuckle, slowly getting used to his flirty act.

You was the wine glasses and head back to your room while Harry walks Niall out and then takes Izzy upstairs to give her a bath. You don’t cross paths until later when you leave your room, already in your pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt to grab some water for yourself and he walks out of Izzy’s room just then, probably done with putting her to sleep.

“I’m sorry if Niall made you uncomfortable, he didn’t mean to be rude or anything,” he apologizes as the two of you walk together.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” you chuckle softly. “It was kind of a boost to my ego, if I’m being honest.”

Harry huffs with a smile and stops at the kitchen island, his fingers tapping on his lips as you grab yourself a bottled water.

“I’m… I’m sorry about… about what you told us earlier.”

Closing the fridge you look at him, seeing that he is kind of hesitant, like he is not sure he should have spoken up, but you appreciate the thought.

“It’s alright. Just water under the bridge,” you shrug.

“I just feel bad you had to go through that.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” you chuckle softly. “It sucked, yeah. I really thought I would live happily ever after with Keith, but instead I got a lesson.”

“A lesson?”

“When we broke up I was obviously on the floor, both literal and theoretical way. I thought it was my fault, that I did something wrong and that’s why he did what he did. I even thought that I’m not worthy of being loved and being in love again. Took me time to realize that no matter what happened, I still deserve to be happy and to find someone to love and who can love me back.”

It appears that your words touch him deep, staring back at you, he just nods shortly, not replying to anything you just said. You’re not sure he is so silent because he doesn’t really understand what you just talked about or if it hit too close to home. Whatever it is, he keeps it to himself.

“Good night, Harry,” you smile at him before walking out of the kitchen and up into your room.

You’re lying in bed already when you hear him open his room’s door and then close it and suddenly he is all you can think about. The way his eyes sometimes pierce down on you, the way he taps his fingers against his lips when he is thinking hard or the proud smile that always plasters across his face whenever he is watching Izzy do basically anything. But you do see some pain in those beautiful green eyes of his and your desire to take just the smallest fracture of it away grows, even though he is not showing any sign that he is willing to share it with you.

The next morning, despite having the day off, you wake up quite early. You toss and turn, try to fall back asleep a little longer, but you just can’t. It’s a nice, warm morning and you decide to take advantage of the little balcony attached to your room. Wrapping yourself in your fluffy robe you grab the book you started reading a few days ago and sit out, enjoying the morning Sun that’s shining right at you on the balcony.

You don’t even realize for a while that you’re not the only early riser. When your eyes wander down to the big oak tree that’s near Izzy’s playground, you spot Harry doing what appears to be yoga on a green mattress, wearing nothing else, just a pair of black shorts. No shirt.

For a moment you think about going inside, feeling like you’re invading his privacy in a way, but you have the right to enjoy the morning Sun on your balcony, it’s not your fault he decided to have yoga at the exact same time. And it’s just hard not to look at his shirtless body stretching in all directions, twisting and turning as he goes through the motions, his tattooed body on full display.

It’s been clear since the moment you laid eyes on him for the first time that Harry is probably the most beautiful man you’ve ever met and that includes all your exes. Paired with his kind of mysterious charisma and the way he takes care of his daughter, he is the whole package, but you have been busy with Izzy to dwell too long on how attractive he really is. But right now, you are not working and he is very much shirtless in the backyard, teasing you with thoughts you definitely shouldn’t be thinking about when it comes to your boss.

A shaky breath leaves your mouth as you let yourself watch him just for a few more minutes before heading back inside, not wanting to get busted for being a stalker and also not wanting to see him in more positions and have even more unholy thoughts about him.

But what you don’t know is that just as you step inside, Harry catches your figure disappearing in your room, knowing well you saw him too.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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honey-milk-depresso · 3 years ago

Note

I know it's close, but can i ask xingqiu mc with pomefiore trio? Well, you can chose other dorms or any persons you pick to choose

I took Rook and Epel cuz yeah, I'm so sorry ;-;;;;;- And also Xingqiu needs more screen time and a new story quest I-

A polite individual who takes their studies seriously, yet mischievous at heart, pulling harmless pranks on your peers. Cordial and chatty with your closest peers, though a little restraint when first meet.

Your love for writing is your pride and passion, an avid reader with a colorful imagination. I bet if you ever publish the books you have written, it'll surely gain popularity like wildfire!

A strong sense of justice you hold, and while carefree, you're a very intelligent, capable of rectifying the problem in your own unique way.

TWST The Playful and Intelligent Writer, s/o (Xingqiu)

Rook Hunt

My my!

You have such a creative mind!

Rook admires how imaginative you are. You can somehow just craft out so many stories to share!

An avant-garde writer writing with such neoteric (basically innovative way of writing-) wizardry from every chapter! So delightful!

He smiles teasingly when you get flustered and embarrassed when he showers you with compliments your latest written works.

You're so cute!

On top of it all, you have quite the playful spirit, not always tense. You know when to loosen up. Quite neat he must say!

He will gladly join you in your pranks! The more the merrier!

Rook surprisingly and unsurprisingly loves reading, just like you! More of the fantasy, thriller and adventure! It's just very refreshing!

He reads with you and talks to you about the plot, characters... and he absolutely loves those times with you!

Your unconventional ways of solving problems is also something he loves!

Rook takes pleasure in the weird and uncommon, and he can see that you're a very smart person!

So amusing!

Perhaps you and him should write a book together! I'm sure it'll be fun! <3

Epel Felmier

He's not as much as an avid reader as you are, but it doesn't mean he's one to completely disregard reading.

He can enjoy a good book every once in awhile. But to him, sometimes fantasy books have all the same plot, just different context and characters.

That's why he loves reading your works!

Your way of writing and conveying the plot and story all together is something inspiriting and the plot is something original like always!

He's very fond of how prankish you can be, and will gladly join you in your pranking fest with no hesitation.

..albeit, Vil doesn't catches you both.. but that's what makes it more fun and thrilling, no?

He tries his best to read in order to "impress" you since you love reading so much, and that you're super smart.

Of course, it ended quite embarrassingly, but you pat his back and hugged him saying that you love him just the way he is.

He's quite flustered, but he's happy to hear such!

He treasures and loves you too!

With all his heart! <3

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul is a fan of literature himself. He loves reading a good book, and he does so during his free time.

He finds your works very interesting; your way of writing a totally new concept of a genre and plot is very enlivening, you truly draw out the emotions of a reader when they read your books.

You should really publish these, s/o! You can make so much money out of this! No? Well, that's okay. He won't force you, but he hopes you can be a writer and inspire others with your books, because you really should!

Azul is a little exasperated by your mischievous side. You and Floyd always prank his customers, Jade and himself for Seven's sake! Will you two ever stop??

Azul wasn't going to lie though, you're relationship with Floyd makes him feel slightly jealous. You teasingly told him you're never going to leave your "chubby octopus", to which he'll sigh, irritated, with a small pink blush blooming on his cheeks.

Your intelligence is something he's impressed by, but also your way of solving things unorthodoxly is very.... well.. he has mix feelings of such. It sounds bizarre, but... it can also work..?

He doesn't know how else to describe it, but his love for you is unwavering. <3

Jade Leech

Jade respects the arts of literature.

To him, words is like painting an artwork, and it can turn out to be eye pleasing when using and linking them right.

That's exactly how your works are to him. Jade finds himself hooked on each page as he reads your work. The plot is so unexpected, just as he likes it, and at the same time they make sense. Such plot twist!

And above it all, your way of writing is stimulating and piquant. He finds your creativity and use of words very impressive.

Your mischievous side is amusing yet annoying to him.

Amusing as it's quite entertaining to see you pull it off on your peers or other students.

Annoying because when the harmless pranks are directed at him, he's usually in the middle of catering customers. Not that dishes topple or anything, but he has a reputation to maintain and you're pranks aren't helping-

He pinches your cheeks lightly but firmly as punishment- or because it's you an Floyd doing it. He gets slightly envious of you and his twin brother's relationship.

You, of course, reassure that you love him as much as he loves you. <3

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mcmoth · 3 years ago

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Dream SMP fandom etiquette

So. This post is probably too little, too late, considering the fandom and the issues I'm about to talk about have existed for so long now, and a lot of the people who need to hear this probably aren't on tumblr anyways, but I just wanted to dedicate a quick post to talk about fandom etiquette. Mostly pertaining to discourse, and interactions with people outside of our circle. These are just going to be my own personal thoughts, of course, but I felt it could be good to bring some of this to attention. So without further introduction:

Where to (not) talk about discourse:

Don't go into other streamer's vods to only focus about a different character. If you want to analyse, for example, c!Techno, do it in Techno's stream. Don't go into unrelated streams, like Tommy's, Tubbo's etc. to do it, even if they were a part of the event in question. This is, of course, with the exception if the character in question didn't stream their own pov. But otherwise, stay in your own space. This is to prevent cluttering a streamer's comments about unrelated discussion. To give further example: Tubbo's vod comments should primarily focus on Tubbo's character. Not Tommy's, Ranboo's, Techno's or whoever else's.

Don't start discourse in the comments of animatics. Seriously, stop that. Animatics aren't discussion boards. The comments are there to analyse and appreciate the video presented, not argue. It's especially rude if you pick a small detail, that wasn't even the focus of the animatic, or even a completely unrelated issue to rant out your frustrations about. To give examples: starting disc discourse in an animatic of Tommy talking to Wilbur, or rambling about how tragic Techno's character is in an animatic focused on clingy duo, etc.

This applies to fan songs as well.

Video essays are the exception to these rules. I think it's safe to say they're the place to bring your hot takes, if you really feel so inclined to argue in youtube comment sections (Though I'd personally advise to still keep the topic relevant).

Keep negativity out of fanfic comments. This isn't nearly as big of an issue as the last points, but I've seen it happen a couple times, so I'm deciding to mention it. Fanfics are written for fun. Even if you disagree with the characterisation or something else, unless the author is clear in accepting critique, keep criticism to yourself. And definitely don't rant about how you dislike a character unrelated to the fanfic. Sharing your thoughts on the fanfic itself is of course fine and welcomed, but when it turns from discussing the author's story to talking about how you dislike a character in canon, that's when it crosses a line. Example: comment talking about what you don't like about c!Tommy on a Bench Trio fanfiction.

When commenting on art, keep the feedback positive. Even if you dislike any presented character, keep that to yourself. Example: Don't say things like "I hate x character, but this art is good". You might think the author would feel honoured, but it's actually just hurtful.

How to deal with discourse:

This is gonna be a shorter section, because I think we all chose to do it in different ways, and that's valid. Also, it's just that I, myself, am still learning how to do this well, but I thought it could be good to try to lay it out anyways.

Try to scroll past takes you disagree with instead of arguing if you don't think you'd be able to keep your cool. Noone likes a random person yelling at them through a screen, and if you rant, you'll get an equally frustrated reply back, and noone will be happy. Either explain your point in a calm manner, or scroll past/ unfollow/block.

On the keeping cool thing, remember to just step away. Take a deep breath and calm yourself down before proceeding. To minimize the frustration you feel on a daily basis, filter tags, block people, avoid videos and youtube comment sections that you know will upset you, and leave certain internet spaces if you find yourself unable to escape negativity even with all those steps. Remember: in the end, it's all a game played by friends, a story, and your enjoyment of it lies in what you take from it. Abandon what makes you unhappy. Marie Kondo your fandom experience.

Also, here's your reminder, to whom this is relevant, to take care of yourself. Hydrate, eat, sleep, clean up, get fresh air, remember the things outside of all this. There's plenty to do outside of this fandom, and what you can do here can wait. There is no pressure, or obligation. Not for the content you create, not for the discussions you bring, not for responding to discourse, not for anything. Fandom is meant purely for fun, so take care <3

Interacting with people outside of the fandom:

This is something that I've seen a bit of talk about, and I thought I'd drop in my own thoughts on this as well. No matter the differences, we're all just trying to vibe, and I think these are important things to keep in mind to leave both sides better off:

Don't interact with hate posts. Just don't. You don't want to see them, they don't want to see you. Even if your response is lighthearted, their animosity is not. They will feel frustrated regardless, and the grudge will only grow. And if they're being agressive, calm discussion most likely won't happen even if you're being polite. Just leave it, please.

Correct misinformation calmly. I completely get how it can be frustrating to see blatant lies and all, but with our reputation, people will not listen if you're being antagonistic. Provide sources, explain, and leave it at that.

Don't be hateful, send death threats, or assume privilege or whatever else. That's stepping into the same shoes of the people you hate. Misunderstandings go both ways, and the fact of the matter is, I think most people who dislike DSMP, even the ones who are agressive about it, don't have their stance rooted in maliciousness. To expand on why the situation became what it is today, taken from a discussion on discord:

I think it's just a combination of Dream growing so insanely quickly + how internet spaces have changed over the years. When ccs like jackstepticeye or pewdiepie etc. grew popular, activism wasn't as prevalent and held to such importance. Now it's thankfully more talked about, but that also leads to Dream being more scrutinized in comparision. Add twitter trends and the general prevalence of the fandom, and you've got everyone feeling tired and frustrated and paranoid. People also tend not to fact check stuff, especially when it comes to celebrities and stuff they're not really interested in, so rumors spread fast.

And actually, I think there's absolutely valid reasons to be made uncomfortable by Dream SMP, either in it's creators, content or fandom, and there is, of course, stuff to criticise in general. The problem is the hate and misinformation and overexposure, but we are not going to solve any of that by being aggressive in return.

(This is, by the way, not talking about more serious cases. Like doxxing, or leaving gore images in hashtags, or similar instances. That's a whole different complicated issue that I don't feel qualified to tackle.)

And finally, don't overwhelm outsiders who merely mention the Dream SMP. Don't send asks asking them to watch it, don't write paragraphs explaining the lore, don't confuse them with inside jokes, just... Don't jump on people like that. Unless they're explicitly clear in wanting interaction and getting into the fandom, that kind of thing will just drive them away. This is in no way exclusive to the Dream SMP fandom, pretty much every fandom has people enthiastic to have more people involved, but since there are so unbelievably many of us, it's especially easy to go overboard with this stuff. Just... be polite, and don't pressure anyone. Be nice, please.

So.... ya! This would be it for this one, I think. Sorry that it's kinda long, thank you if you read it at all. Hope y'all have pleasant days ^^

#dream smp #mcyt #fandom #fandom etiquette #fandom critical #tommyinnit #technoblade #tubbo #dreamwastaken #let me know if i should remove tjose tags - i'm not sure whether it counts as crosstagging or not sorry #long post #my own post

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chococustard · 4 years ago

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completed list of my omegaverse kids babyyyy it’s cleaner now too finally hhh most things are stil the same with the old design so uh if there’s any contradiction it’s this one//shot quirk mechanics are the same tho

their ages are just in comparison to each other, they’ll be however old they’ll be per story;w;/

more info under the cut!

TOKOYAMI NIKOLA quirk: shadow frogs -can make many shadowy frogs or one big one. they’re sentient likes to keep to herself but she cares about people very much. she doesn’t talk much but when she does she’s very honest, sometimes even when it hurts. doesn’t get fazed by many things as she’s very close to uncle souji, has seen his face without the mask, and is perfectly fine with it

SHINSOU KAZUYA quirk: siren - makes people do as she wants as long as she sings the command bubbly and easygoing but pretty selfish, not wanting her whims to be refused. once she’s into doing something she’s hell bent on finishing it tho her attention span is as short as they come. the house cats go to her when they want to play

SHINSOU MAMORU quirk: mind reading - reads people’s thoughts, depends on how fast they talk your mom’s an assertive and passionate woman, your little sister is loud and hyperactive, and everyday you feel like you wanna die. he’s tired as shit and would rather be in quiet places. he doesn’t like getting caught up in people’s issues and try to stay away from problems as much as possible. the only reason why he’s willing to help his dad is that he uses his quirk only when he’s sure the suspect won’t know about him.

MIDORIYA CHIHIRO quirk: pyrokinesis (hell fire, non hero ver) - makes and controls fire she’s bright and really expressive, unlike her sister she likes being around people. she’s really energetic and optimistic. likes heroes but mostly their costumes and the contraptions they used. she idolizes aunt mei and melissa for all the cool things they makes. good at cooking from hanging around grandma inko and uncle katsuki. and also because of uncle katsuki she tolerates spices. baby of the family, both the midoriyas and todorokis

MIDORIYA YUKARI quirk: hydrokinesis - makes and controls water she's told by her parents that she was almost kidnapped at birth so she's told to lie about who her parents are and to cover up when they go out together. hates strangers and crowds so she gravitates to family and friends and gets very protective of them. idolizes heroes and strives to be one.her hair can’t keep still and needs to constantly be brushed. the type to hold grudges.

TOGATA TSUMUGI quirk: sound replication - has a mouth on her stomach that can replicate sound goes with the flow and tries to see the bright side most of the time. however she's quick to anger, threatening people she’ll chew them up with the large gaping mouth on her stomach (it can't). she and yukari had been friend since pre-school being the first one to get her to open up. she lives in the moment wanting to make the best of things

BAKUGOU KYOUSEI quirk: eruption - lava flows from his skin in katsuki’s own word, literal fucking sunshine. idolizes eijirou very much he tries to copy him. however he could very well be seen as blood thirsty and aggresive when angry tho that doesn’t happen all that much. he’s able to calculate situations on the fly easily and do things well after a few tries, text book studies however is not his strong suit.

TETSUTETSU SHIINA quirk: mercury - can turn himself into mercury, pure or variations of it with the nature of the mercury in his body, he has to be mindful of keeping his body in check as to not accidentally poison people. he’s more often than not stays quite as he gets jittery and becomes scared easily, where he would melt away into a puddle and tries to run away. however he’s very stubborn and won’t stop until he achieves his goals. close to kyousei as their parents hangs around a lot even though they live in different cities. likes hugs but only from family

OJIRO ASAHI quirk: prehensile hair - strong and can be controled like an extra limb, very tough tooru likes to spoil her and dress her up in cute clothes, hates it how her hair takes away all the nutrients she eats. tooru gets called to go on a lot of info gathering missions so she's not home often, and when she does come home she showers her with a lot of attention. she finds it overbearing. close with dad, he teaches her martial arts for fun. has both a cat and a hamster, they're the only ones allowed to touch her hair.

YAOYOROZU ITSUKI quirk: marionette - has a cord at the back of his neck, objects poked by it can be controlled gender is a social construct. doesn’t see the benefit of holding things back. easy going and laid back, going through the motion as he sees fit. he’s very close to his parents, sharing the same interest in music as kyouka and momo happily spending as much time as she can with him, hoping to do things she wasn’t able to with her parents as a child, so he really doesn’t feel lonely all that much.

ASHIDO KURASHI quirk: hallucinogen - produces hallucination inducing liquid looks like she wears her heart on her sleeves and doesn’t bother with hiding anything. looks like an air head but not really. when her quirk started to show many adults became wary of her, equating her quirk to that of drugs and not want her anywhere near them or their children.more into non violent approaches. she’s also very touchy.

KAMINARI ARASHI quirk: technopath - controls electrial appliances and uses them as he pleases at 7 years old he was saved by denki during a break in after being used by a group of villains. ditching his old self he changed basically everything about himself as he can and took a new name. he and denki likes to play together, and he can often be found with hanta on top of tall buildings in tokyo. he especially admires katsuki’s no-shit-taking personality and is a big fan of his. he’s no good with dark cramp places

IIDA TENMA quirk: repulsor - creats blasts from his palms and soles, can be used for prepulsion ochako and tenya had him soon after graduation before they really made a name for themselves. cheery and very dedicated, he trains from a young age in various styles of martial arts. he’s doesn’t half ass what he does. he often get into fights helping people, so much so that that’s when he got his quirk, where before the exhaust on his palms and soles only gives out puffs of smoke. can often be seen not wearing shoes. his hair is very fluffy

IIDA FUBUKI quirk: ac - expels hot and cold air she’s strong willed with a strong sense of justice, asping to be a hero, tho in a different kind as what her father used to be. she strives to help people with issues that couldn’t easily be solved by heroes. she love kids, often babysitting her cousins, more often than not mostly tenma uses her to cool himself after training.

TODOROKI YUKIMURA HOMURA quirk: cremation - burns whatever she touces with all her fingers dabi and tomura fucked during the later's heat. he never wanted kids so when she was taken he never fought it. dabi and his family never knew about her until rei was contacted to take her cause her quirk was unstable and the orphanage felt threatened. natsuo and his wife took her in and she moved with them to hokkaido. she visits during vacation to hang out with her cousins. dabi made a pack with the hero commission to be let out of tartarus to be under hawk's watch to be there for her however he can. she knows the most about her family’s pasts

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anormalweirdo · 4 years ago

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Haikyuu! boys I think would have a black s/o!!

Characters: Daichi, Bokuto, Kenma, Yamaguchi, Tendo

Daichi doesn’t really care what skin tone you are he just wants cuddles and love. He met you at one of his games and instanly fell head over heels for you and your beauty. He wanted to talk to you but was really nervous at first, that is until Sugawara forced him by you and he just stood there for a while like🕴️until he got comfortable and the rest is history. When he heard some racist thing being said to you he would try to solve it nicely which doesn’t always work out in his favor. At the end of the day his favorite thing to do is cuddle with you on his bed while you run your fingers through his hair as he fall asleep.(awwww)

Bokuto never really understood the hate towards black people all he knew was that he loved you with all his heart. When he first met you he begged Akaashi to get you number for him(Akaashi told you about everything). When you finally got together he treated you like the queen/king/ruler. He’s there for every wash day just looking and learning. He’s there whenever you need help doing your hair. The day he heard someone making fun of your skin and hair he got upset but didn’t know what to do so he tried talking to the guy but when that didn’t work you pulled him home so he would start a scene. Till this day he always walks with you just to make sure no one says anything rude about you.

Kenma didn’t even know he liked you at first but Kuroo surely did. It all happened when Kuroo introduced you to Kenma and the moment he saw you he knew you were different(in a good way lol). After a while you guys finally got comfortable enough to talk about random things and tell each other secretsand gossip about other people. One night while at a sleepover that you guys had each weekend Kenma finally realized his crush on you(but still didn’t confess🙄). As weeks went by he finally told you in a game server(idk if I spelled that right lol) and of couse you said yes(purr). After a while he start showing you in his streams and videos. In one stream while you were sitting in his lap watching him play you saw a comment saying how bad and dark you looked. You tried to play it cool but Kenma however did not and started roasting the person till they just left the stream(as he should😌). He also blocked him from joining back and ending his stream early just to comment on how beautiful you are and to not let their words get to you.(MY HEARTT😭😭)

Yamaguchi didn’t even have to know your name to fall in love with you but his love for you grew even stronger when he got to see you personality. He met you through Tsukishima because he was your tutor. Soon after the three of you hung out almost everyday even if Tsukki didn’t want to(which he did). One day after your tutoring sesh was over Yamaguchi went to talk with Tsukki while you put your work in your backpack(how dare they leave you🤬). When you were done Yamaguchi came back with his cheek redder than Tendou’s hair(see what I did there😏) You asked what’s wrong and that’s when he completelybroke”ireallylikeyoubutit’sokifyoudon’tlikemeback”. All you could do was stare in confusion and ask him to slow down which he did.” I really like you but it’s ok if you don’t like me back I won’t mind I me-”and before he could finish you pulled him into the biggest hug and confessed as well. After a while of cute dates he took you to the waterpark and some random man(lol cause who is he🤡) came up to you and start calling you names and even calls you the n word(dont get beat sir🙄). Now Yamaguchi was never good with words but the words that came out of his mouth that day even left you shocked. He ended up acting like nothing happend while you was shocked the whole day.

Tendou would try his hardest to make it clear that he wants you but you keep playing hard to get(like stop playing shawty😏🙄). He would always flirt with you as you would always take it as a joke. So when he actually told you he had a thing for you he was shocked when you start to laugh. Ya’ll just looked at each other until he was like ”I’m foreal, not joking this time”. You just stood there like👁️👄👁️ and was like”oh my bad well you know I like you to so let’s link”. At first ya’ll was weird asf but ya’ll grew on each other. Soon after he was post you on his social media and he was lowkey popular soooo... you got some fans. He was checking his socials as usual until he seen an account saying a ton of racist and rude things about you. He wasn’t having it and blew up the accounts phone, took screenshots of the things said and he also hacked into their account(idk what I’m saying anymore lol)and post the screenshots. He also blocked the account and cuddled with you all night without telling you anything.

(This is my very first post and I didn’t know what to add so if you have any suggestions or want me to work on something please tell me. I want my content to make everyone happy I already have plans and I’m so excited ekkk😜✌️🤭)(WARNING:very bad grammer and charaters are NOT canon just how I think they would handle a situatiton like this.)

#haikyuu x black!reader #haikyuu x black reader #haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #headcanon #kenma fluff #tendou x you #yamaguchi tadashi #daichi x you #bokuto #tendou #daichi #daichi fluff #haikyuu headcanons #kenma x reader #haikyuu x reader

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johntenluv · 4 years ago

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nct as boyfriends (00 line)

this is how i imagine the 00 line in nct would treat you as their girlfriend. this is obviously for fun, please don’t take anything to heart.

huang renjun:

- the type of boyfriend that makes you feel like your life is a cottage core pinterest board.

- he is probably super nice to you in private but then roasts the shit out of you around his friends

- probably really likes cuddling and skinship in private as well. gets jealous in a passive aggressive way. if he sees you being too friendly with a guy he will bring it up later by saying something like “I don’t know, why don’t you ask your other boyfriend?”

- gives you your space, i cant see him being the clingy type.

- definitely is the master of planning aesthetic dates. he would take you to museums, picnics, ceramics classes, the list goes on.

- sings so much but probably finds singing directly to you very embarrassing.

- probably lets fights get out of hand by saying things he doesn’t mean, but would apologize immediately after and get you flowers or food.

lee jeno:

- the type of boyfriend that does whatever you ask of him.

- like, you could ask him for anything and if he is physically capable of doing it, he would.

- would send you “did you eat today” texts.

- if he sends you a meme at 3 am and you respond, he would get mad at you for not getting rest lmao.

- yes, he would enjoy active dates like bike rides and gym dates, but i think the majority of your dates would consist of something like cooking dinner at home and watching you favorite throwback movies.

- he would be clingy, but not in the typical way. i imagine that he would send you multiple texts throughout the day, not demanding to know where you are, but just checking up on you and updating you on how his day is going.

- probably does get jealous, but refuses to let you see it.

- during a fight, he becomes very quiet. he probably won’t say what he really wants to, he just lets you get what you want to say out of your system. thinks that space and time resolves issues.

lee donghyuck:

- the type of boyfriend that purposely makes teases you to see you upset because he thinks you look cute when you’re pouty.

- he would love to see you smile, which results in him trying to make you laugh all the time.

- he is secretly very clingy, but likes to pretend that he is not in front of his friends. not very jealous, though. only if the time your spending with a guy takes away from the time you spend with him.

- loves dates where he can crush you in games. takes you on bowling dates, to arcades, and sometimes to ice skating and rollerblading. i can see him with an equally competitive partner because he would find so much joy in keeping score of both of your victories.

- he would love giving you his headset while playing with randoms so they would think they were being viciously beaten by a sweet young girl.

- very petty when it comes to fighting. he would want to apologize/forgive you, but it usually takes him a while to throw away his pride. probably comes back from a fight trying to make you laugh or smile.

na jaemin:

- the type of boyfriend that spoils the hell out of you.

- he would constantly give you gifts. whether its a louis vuitton purse for your birthday, or its a coffee and muffin from your favorite coffee shop that he picked up on his way home.

- very accepting of pda. doesn't matter where you are, if he wants to hold hands, hug, kiss, pull you into his lap, or wrap and arm around you, he will.

- very jealous. if a boy so much as smiles at you, he would grab the back of your neck and kiss you while making direct eye contact with the guy.

- babies you to the max. if he catches you sneezing, you’re on bed rest for the entire week. would cook and feed you soup while checking your temperature every hour

- jaemin is pretty introverted and he has said that he doesn’t have many friends, so i would assume his girlfriend would quickly become his best friend. be prepared for him to animatedly tell you about his day and spill the tea about people he doesn't like to you every night before bed.

- hates fighting. if he is in the wrong, he apologizes immediately. if you're in the wrong, he forgives you without hesitation.

liu yangyang:

- the type of boyfriend that feels like your best friend.

- people would confuse the two of you for two really close friends until he would kiss your cheek or grab your hand. you guys would probably call each other ‘dude’ and ‘bro’.

- big fan of subtle matching. he would have photos of the two of you wearing matching streetwear outfits all over his instagram. probably always buys you the same pair of shoes he buys to have matching shoe game.

- the two of you would be very comfortable around each other, but when you get dressed up especially or wear a dress with a fitting shape and revealing neckline, he would be a stuttering nervous mess.

- not the clingy or jealous type, he knows you’re a bad bitch and loves that others recognize it.

- he wouldn’t fight with you for very long, he doesn’t see a point in it and would let the argument die out pretty fast.

osaki shotaro:

- the type of boyfriend that you can’t get enough of.

- he would be such a joy to have around. i see him playing games with you, watching movies together, cooking dinner together, overall just being attached at the hip.

- the couple that everyone loves hanging out with, just because you guys are so fun to hang out with.

- he is probably really shy around others, but when it is just the two of you, he’s a non stop chatterbox.

- gets jealous in the cutest way possible. he would just constantly make his way in your line of sight or spam for your phone until you give him some attention.

- doesn’t fight with you often. wants to calmly talk about the problems the both of you want to address and solve them together in a mature way.

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max--phillips · 3 years ago

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Some more things about irl sex (not specifically kink, also) before I go to bed bc I gotta work tomorrow

It’s like, objectively awkward at times, and bodies make weird noises and people get cramps and it can be kinda silly sometimes. It’s okay to laugh and be silly during sex. It doesn’t have to be serious and sexy. (Sometimes it’s sexier to have a sense of humor)

People w penises: please stop aiming for the cervix. There’s nothing fun there. It’s just uncomfortable.

Very few people with vulvas make enough natural lubricant to ever be “dripping.” On top of that, it can take 20 minutes OR LONGER for a person with a vulva to become fully aroused. That’s why it’s so important to take your goddamn time and do foreplay and USE LUBE. LUBE IS YOUR FRIEND. (Personally I’m a fan of Wicked Aqua)

On that note: very few people with vulvas can orgasm through penetration alone. That’s fine! The clit is your friend. But be nice to it, it has tens of thousands of nerve endings and it can be TOO much (or even painful!) if you go in for direct stimulation right away. Stimulation over the hood is your best bet.

Cum doesn’t taste like… good. At least, to most people, I’m sure there are exceptions. Don’t feel like you’re doing something wrong if you don’t want to swallow that shit after you gave someone a bj. Sometimes all the pineapple in the world won’t solve that problem.

Anal is messy. It just is. Unless you’re prepared for it with an enema and the whole meal deal, it’s gonna be messy. Be prepared for that. Condoms (and gloves) are your friend. And once again, so is lube. But that’s a whole post in and of itself, so I’ll tackle that in another post. Biggest tip: start slow and with your fingers, and if anything hurts, STOP.

Don’t be afraid to use your safe word. It’s there for a reason, and you are not a bad sub if you use it.

Doms can use the safe word too!! If a scene is getting too heavy and you don’t want to continue, it’s okay to tap out. Doesn’t make you a bad dom.

Pee after sex for the love of GOD

#tori says things #max says things #sex ed stuff #kink stuff

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vivianweasley · 4 years ago

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Pride and Prejudice (Chapter 2)

Summary: Your father is Lucius Malfoy’s cousin, and after the war, it was really difficult for you to find a job because of your last name. So your mother and Mrs. Weasley came up with a crazy idea. A fake marriage between you and Fred Weasley.

In this chapter: you became friends with the twins, and you took Fred to an amusement park to celebrate finally receiving a job offer.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Malfoy!Fem!Reader

Warnings: mention of food, Ferris Wheel, slight mention of rollercoasters (the amusement park usual)

Word count: 2.3k

disclaimer: all the pictures used in the header are from Pinterest. Credit goes to the original owners.

Please do NOT repost or translate my work! Thank you!! Reblogs and comments are always welcome:)

Prologue // Chapter 1

“No! This is not happening!” Fred shook his head furiously when you informed him that you were actually going to stay at his place for as long as your fake marriage was going to last.

You didn’t want to do this either, and you made sure to stay at your parents’ house until the house-elves decided to move your stuff outside for you. “Please! A year isn’t even that long,” you tried your best to look at him with the most sincere eyes, “You won’t even notice me! I will try to stay at my friends’ place as often as possible!”

“Okay, fine!” Looking at your puppy eyes, Fred found himself beginning to cave in, “You can sleep on this couch. Good night!”

He tried to slip back into his room before making any further sacrifices, but George’s voice stopped him, “Couch? Surely you’re not going to let our guest sleep on the couch?”

Fred glared at George, for he knew his brother was just trying to mess with him. “She’s not our guest. She’s also family now, so she will understand.”

Fred tried to escape again, but George was silently judging him, and you were putting on those puppy eyes again. He sighed and finally decided, “Fine. You said you could do three things for me, right? Okay, the first thing I want you to do is to sleep on this couch.”

“You sure?” You raised your eyebrows, for you were surprised that he would use the first wish so quickly and on something so small, but you saw him nodding. “Fine. Reckless, though, but I accept.”

A smug smile appeared on Fred’s lips as he turned to George, “Problem solved. Good night, family.”

You sat on the couch after unpacking everything. If getting a marriage certificate still didn’t make you realize that this crazy fake marriage was actually happening, you sure realized it now. You and Fred Weasley were on the same team now, and you had to find a way to get along with each other. It’s only for a year, you thought, shouldn’t be difficult.

Fred lay in his bed, tossing and turning. It started as a joke, a crazy dare, but now there’s a woman sleeping on his couch. Was the couch even comfortable? Fred suddenly felt guilt rising in his stomach, but why should he feel guilty for not giving up his own bed to you? You were the one who was intruding. But it wasn’t your fault though...Fred groaned as his conscience fought this battle that he believed to be unnecessary. This shouldn’t be this difficult.

George was the only one who slept well in this house tonight. In fact, he fell asleep with a smile, knowing that his brother’s life was about to change. This should be fun!

Fred woke up the next morning to the smell of breakfast and the sound of laughter. He walked outside and almost jumped when he saw you in his kitchen this early in the morning. Oh right, he just got married.

You and George were cooking breakfast and chatting, and weirdly, this made Fred feel left out. He cleared his throat, and you two finally noticed him.

“Oh, morning!” You and George said in unison, which caused a small frown on Fred’s face.

“You know how to cook?” Fred blurted out. He wanted to say good morning to you too, but this question came out first, for this scene shocked him. Didn’t you grow up having house elves do everything for you?

“It’s just scrambled egg, genius,” you replied bitterly, “and good morning to you too.”

Then you and George continued cooking and chatting about potential product ideas. Fred was not surprised that you had so many great ideas. After all, he’s had his pranks backfire on him when he tried to prank you before. But he was surprised that you sounded so excited and interested when you were talking about the joke shop. He always assumed that you would think it wasn’t a serious or mature career choice.

Fred wanted to join the conversation, but there was simply no opportunity for him to chip in. He found himself speechless and sitting awkwardly at the table. He also noticed that you sounded friendlier and softer when you were talking to George, and that made him think. If George didn’t have a girlfriend, would he be your fake husband instead? Would that be a better option for you?

Fred felt weirdly defeated. There was something about you that could always make him admit defeat, and he’s definitely not a fan of this feeling.

For the next few days, you had nowhere to go and nothing to do while you wait for the result of the interview, so you decided to help at the joke shop. You were staying at their place after all. This was the least you could do.

You had to admit that aside from having to sleep on the couch, living and working with Fred and George wasn’t so bad. Your everyday life was never dull, for they always had little jokes and pranks here and there. You were even beginning to think if you were friends back at Hogwarts, how fun would it be?

And to your surprise, Fred was a completely different person when he was at work. He knew his products well, and he sounded so passionate when he was introducing them to his customers. He’s also surprisingly good and patient with kids. This was nothing like the irresponsible and immature troublemaker you assumed he was.

Plus, he looked pretty good in his business suit. The shirt fit his body nicely, and the rolled-up sleeves perfectly showed off the line of his arm muscles. For a moment, you even felt proud to have him as your fake husband.

“Are you staring at me?” Fred’s voice almost made you fall off your chair.

“No, I’m not!” You panicked and raised your voice to cover for the fact that you were indeed drooling over your fake husband.

“Yea, you are. I saw it,” Fred leaned forward and teased, “Aww Y/N, are you in love with me now?”

You tried to stay calm and stared back into his eyes, but you could hear your heartbeat growing louder. “You wish.”

“Y/N! It’s here!” George’s voice made both of you jump and pull away from each other immediately. You were still trying to figure out how to act normal, but the letter in George’s hand just made your heart beat faster.

You recognized the logo of Whizz Hard Books. This was it. This was the letter that contained the result of the interview and your fate. You tore open the envelope as soon as George handed it to you and read the letter immediately.

After re-reading the letter for the third time, you finally looked up with your eyes wide open and eyebrows furrowed.

“Well, what does it say?” Fred had the same expression as you.

“It says...I’ve got the job?” Those words sounded even stranger when you said them out loud. It took you a good minute for the news to finally sink in. “I’ve got the job! I’ve got a job!!”

You waited for this moment for so long. The overwhelming joy washed over you, and when you finally regained your senses, you realized you were cheering and hugging Fred, and your faces were only inches away. You pulled away, coughing awkwardly.

“So...What do you want to do to celebrate?” Fred spoke first, breaking the awkward silence.

“I have an idea!” You said as you grabbed Fred’s arm. You were still overjoyed that you weren’t fully aware of what you were doing, but Fred’s breath hitched when your fingertips touched his skin.

You held out your hand to George, “George, you coming with us?”

“Sorry, I’ve got a date tonight,” George came up with an excuse. How could he interrupt when he noticed that little change in Fred’s expression when you invited him too?

When Fred opened his eyes again, he gasped, “Muggle amusement park?” A Malfoy brought him to an amusement park? A muggle amusement park?

“Yea, this is my favorite place!” You realized he was surprised because a stereotypical Malfoy shouldn’t be interested in anything in the muggle world, but you didn’t want to waste your time arguing with him when you saw the booth ahead. “C’mon!”

It doesn’t count as going to an amusement park if you didn’t get a cute headband, and you were finding this cat ears headband in front of you absolutely adorable. But what fun would it be if nobody was wearing it with you?

You soon picked out a bunny ears headband for Fred, but when you turned to him, he was already looking into the mirror, wearing the same cat headband.

“I think it looks better on me, don’t you think?” He winked at you.

You rolled your eyes, “No, I don’t. I’m claiming this one. You have to pick another one.”

“No, if anyone has to change today, it’s you.”

“I’m not changing!”

“I think the lady wears it better.” You and Fred looked down, and it was a little boy who complimented you.

“Oh, thank you!” You beamed at the boy and turned to look at Fred with a smug smile, “You heard that, now go change.”

But the little boy asked again, “Is he your boyfriend?”

“What? Oh, no! He’s not my boyfriend,” you answered quickly with an awkward laugh.

But Fred chimed in, “I’m her husband, actually.”

The boy left with a disappointed face, but Fred was smiling at you like he just won a competition, and this successfully made your cheeks heat up. “Why do you have to say that to a kid?”

“Cause it was on your contract, remember? The fewer people know, the better, right?” he smiled innocently, “I’m just trying to follow the rules.”

“O..kay.” You squinted. Fred Weasley trying to follow the rules? What day is it today?

“So, do I still have to pick another one?”

“No, keep it. You look great with it.” You finally admitted.

He raised his eyebrows at your answer but soon beamed at you, “You look pretty good with it, too.”

Your heart skipped a beat when he looked into your eyes. Luckily, the queue not far from you caught your attention and saved you from doing anything embarrassing. “C’mon, hurry up! The queue isn’t too long now!” you grabbed his arm and started running.

Fred was surprised that no matter how many times you’ve done this, your fingertips could always send electro waves up his body. And he had to admit he was starting to like that feeling.

You dragged him everywhere, going from rollercoaster rides to the carousel. Fred was amazed to see you this happy and excited. You were nothing like the stuck-up, cold, pureblood princess he thought you were. Not to mention that every time you smiled at him, he could feel his heart skipping a beat.

Your amusement park adventure ended with the Ferris Wheel. It was your favorite way to end the night. From above here, you could see the entire park and the city. You knew flying on a broom could give you a broader and better view, but the Ferris Wheel had a more romantic tone to it.

“What’s your favorite today?” Fred asked.

“Hmm...I loved that ride for kids because you were so scared,” you joked.

“No, I was not!” Fred protested, “but you have to agree that was a really creepy ride.”

“Agree. Don’t know why they had to make things so creepy for kids,” you laughed and finally answered his question seriously, “It’s actually now. The Ferris Wheel is my favorite part, and you will know why in a minute. What’s yours, though?”

Fred was about to answer, but the sound of fireworks stopped him.

“Ah! Right on time!” you exclaimed as the fireworks exploded into flowers of fire in the night sky, and the Ferris Wheel had the perfect view for it.

Fred’s eyes widened as butterflies in his stomach were completely out of control. The city lights and the fairy lights of the park twinkled as the fireworks continued to bloom. And you looked so beautiful when you were smiling and gazing at the firework outside. Everything was so perfectly romantic, and Fred found himself helpless when he answered your previous question, “Mine’s actually the Ferris Wheel, too.”

When you finally got home, you just wanted to jump on your couch and sleep. But before you could do that, Fred stopped you.

“You...You could sleep on my bed if you want. I will sleep on the couch tonight.”

“Are you sure? But I thought you-”

“Yea, consider this as a gift for getting a job.”

You were surprised. Didn’t he love his bed so much that he used one wish to keep it? But he looked sure, and a smile appeared on your lips, “Well, then I will gladly accept your gift. Good night, Freddie!”

“Good night, Y/N,” Fred replied, couldn’t help but smile when he heard you calling him that.

“You fancy her, don’t you?” George finally walked out of his room after you went into Fred’s room.

“Pff, no,” Fred rolled his eyes when he could basically hear George’s smirk without even looking at him, “I just...think she’s pretty cool.”

“Yea, right. Good night, brother.”

After George went back to his room too, Fred was lying awake on the couch, trying to find a way to fit himself on this uncomfortably small couch. When he was tossing and turning, he realized he wasn’t regretting wasting his first wish and giving up his bed to you, but feeling guilty that he made you sleep here for more than a week.

You were all he could think about now. Just a few days ago, you were no different from the other obnoxious Malfoys to him, but now you were a real person. Someone who would pout when he refused to change the headband with you. Someone who would laugh at his endless bad puns about amusement parks. Someone whose smile could make his heart flutter.

Oh Merlin, he thought, maybe George was right.

Chapter 3

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unnecessarywriting · 4 years ago

Text

How Did You Come to That Conclusion - Sirius Black

Request: Hello!! If you have time, would you be able to do a Christmas themed one where Sirius and the reader are long time friends with mutual crushes on each other and they kiss under the mistletoe by accident and then some misunderstandings and then some fluff?

A/N: Merry Christmas. I hope you all enjoy. There are 2-3 more fics coming out today. My gift to you all!

Italics are Flashbacks

How Did You Come to That Conclusion

The common room during Christmas break was typically the most soothing place to be. Most students wanted to get back to their families. You, on the other hand, were perfectly okay with staying with the quiet warmth. Typically the only sounds were the fire crackling, pages turning, cups clinks, and the occasional laugh from one of the other students that stayed at Hogwarts. This was usually the only time of year that you actually saw Mcgonagall relax. This year however, a particular group of boys chose to stay too.

Most days, you didn’t have any problems with the boys. Oftentimes, you were around them and you could even be considered one of their friends. In fact, James knew a lot about your life that you wish he didn’t. See, at the beginning of this school year, he caught wind of what you were feeling for a mutual friend.

“Ohh, is Ms. Y/L/N feeling a bit jealous of Sirius?” James teased.

“Haha,” you awkwardly laughed away your blush, “as if I would ever be jealous because of someone like him.”

“Merlin! You really do like him don’t you? Oh, I can’t wait to tell Sirius. This is going to be -”

“This is going to be nothing Potter. You are not going to say a word about this to Sirius or to anyone,” you were practically growling through clenched teeth.

“Or what? Listen Y/N this could be great for -”

“For no one. Please James, I’m begging you to just forget about it.”

“Forget about what?” Sirius appeared beside you. You looked to James who sighed.

“Forget about nothing. Don’t worry about it.” You breathed a sigh of relief at James’ response. When you looked away, you missed the subtle wink sent to Sirius that told him he would find out soon enough.

You and Sirius had been pretty close friends since the beginning of your time at Hogwarts. As he grew older, and hotter, his fans became more present in your life. You eventually took a step back to avoid the constant hateful glares sent your way for studying with a longtime friend. You didn’t stop spending time with him entirely though. He was still your friend, and if you were being honest, you liked knowing that you had his attention. It didn’t hurt any less, though, when he could be found around the school with any one of the girls in your year.

Since you were spending your Christmas break with the Marauders at Hogwarts, you decided to make the most of it. You would join in some of the pranks, and you would sneak out a night with one of the boys to go down to the kitchen. With the help of their map and James’ cloak, you were all practically unstoppable. Christmas Eve was no exception. That night, you and Sirius were sent down to grab some food from the kitchen. It was late, and you were all planning on staying up past midnight to start your day off right with each other.

In the common room, James was forming a plan. He was going to get the two of you together. He knew that you two liked each other, and he wasn’t fond of being caught in between something that could be solved if either one of you had the confidence to tell the other.

“Moony, you think this’ll work right?” Remus looked at his friend and nodded slowly.

“I guess it could, but I think this is something that should happen naturally. Why force something on them? This could also push them apart and make things more awkward.”

“That won’t happen though. My plan is foolproof.” James heard a snicker from his friend.

He had told them almost immediately after you had told James. He couldn’t hold it in for very long. Typically, he was good at secret-keeping but this time he needed to let loose. Remus wasn’t all that surprised and Peter seemed unaware of how Sirius felt.

Down in the kitchens, you and Sirius were joking around. The two of you always managed to have fun together. It was almost like getting caught would be worth it if you were going to be with him. You didn’t know, but Sirius was thinking the exact same thing.

“You know, if you wanted to get me alone, all you had to do was say so.” You laughed at his remark.

“So shameless. Remember Sirius, James is the one who sent us. I didn’t make this decision by my own account.” Your relationship was full of flirtatious and witty remarks. It was a part of your charm. He most certainly was attracted to it.

One of the many things Sirius liked about you was that you were willing to talk back to him. Most of the other girls would just crumble at everything he said to them. Not you. You would come back with something witty or sarcastic. Of course, this was only one of many things he adored about you.

As you two were returning to the common room, there was this energy between you two. Something told him that it was now or never. You said the password to enter the portrait hole.

“Listen Y/N, I need to talk to you.” You stopped and told him to continue. Then he started to lean in for a quick peck on the lips. It was short and sweet, but he hoped that it got the message across that he liked her. When his eyes met yours, he was met with hurt. Your eyes were slightly glossy and were looking past him at James, who was smiling at the two of you. Then he heard you speak.

“You know, I thought that you were a good guy. I truly believed it, but this is just cruel. Most pranks, well, most pranks I can handle. I’d like to think that I’m a good sport, but this was too far. James, I trusted you with my secret, and clearly you ignored my wishes. And you,” you pointed your finger at Sirius’ chest, “you had no right to follow through with such a stupid idea. What, did you think it was funny to make fun of the girl who likes you? Is it really that amusing to play with someone’s emotions? And what do you know, you had an audience too. You’re the worst Sirius Black. I don’t know what I ever saw in you!” You stomped your way up to your door and slammed it shut as the tears streamed down your face. Your salty tears would be the only thing offering comfort that night.

The common room was silent for a moment. The boys had never seen you completely lose it like that before. Sirius was confused to say the least, but then he looked up above his head. The mistletoe that was hanging above his head suddenly burned to ash as he sent a charm that way. He turned to look at his best friend.

“Prongs, why did you think that this would be a good idea?” James looked incredibly guilty and full of regret.

“Padfoot, I just wanted the two of you to finally get together. I thought that this would push you in the right direction, but it clearly didn’t work out that way. Plus, she kinda had a point about me breaking her trust.”

“What did you do Prongs?” Sirius was getting angry.

“Well, she kinda let it slip that she has feelings for you, and well I told these guys without her permission, or knowledge.” James looked down guiltily. Sirius couldn’t believe the situation, but now he understood how this hurt her. He was going to fix this, but he just needed her to leave the room.

You were in your dorm crying in both embarrassment and pain. How could James betray your trust like that? And how could Sirius play into such a stupid prank? You thought that maybe, just maybe, you could have a chance with him, but of course he had to turn around and be a jerk. You were hurt, but you also couldn't stop thinking about his lips on yours. Before you realized what was going on, you were in heaven. They were just as soft as your thought, and he tasted slightly like peppermint from the candy cane he was eating before you made it back to the common room.

Sirius stayed in the common room for hours. He was hoping that he would catch you coming down from the dorm. He was falling asleep when he finally heard you. You thought that you were being stealthy, and you were, but when the portrait closed behind you, Sirius was startled back to consciousness. He wasn’t sure if it was you at first, but he needed to make sure. He grabbed the map from the table and saw your name retreating to the kitchens. Of course. You left the common room before you could eat any of the snacks from earlier. You had also mentioned needing to make the trip to Hogsmeade to get some more sweets because you had run out a few days before. He got up abruptly and stumbled out into the hall to catch up to you.

It was almost 3 AM by the time you had escaped the common room. You saw Sirius asleep on the couch, and you couldn’t help but thank Merlin for letting you escape him. You most certainly were not in the mood to deal with him. You were exhausted, emotional, and more importantly, hungry. You made it to the kitchens and started scouring for anything that you could get your hands on.

“Excuse me Miss, but it appears that you might need some help.” The second you heard his voice, you felt the anger bubble within. You didn’t say anything in return. If there is something that Sirius hates more than anything, it’s being ignored.

“Ignoring me eh? I guess I deserve that, but that works because I just need you to listen to m- Hey where are you going?” You started to walk out of the kitchens. You had lost your appetite. He grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you back towards him.

“Stay put and listen, will ya?” You nodded reluctantly knowing he wasn’t going to let you go. “I get why you’re mad, but you don’t know what happened. I didn’t know what James was planning. I was trying to tell you how much I like you. I think you’re the sweetest, smartest, most beautiful girl in the entire world. You make my heart beat faster every time you look at me, and you take my breath away every time you laugh. I am falling hard for you Y/N and I don’t want James’ stupid attempts at getting us together to push us apart. If you want to be mad at Prongs, then be mad at him. Hell, I’m mad at him too, but trust me when I say that I want to be with you.” You stayed silent for a moment and processed everything. Okay, so maybe you jumped to conclusions a little quickly, and Sirius did sound quite, well serious.

“So you like me huh?” You said cheekily. You might as well play it cool since you were lowkey freaking out inside that he actually really liked you.

“How did you come to that conclusion?” He pulled you closer towards his body and smirked as he leaned down for a real kiss. It was like a fairytale. You smiled into the kiss, and pulled away.

“This is great and all, but I’m still hungry.” He laughed and helped you find some food.

The two of you retreated back to the common room, where you met James. He went to speak, but you put your hand up to stop him.

“I’m not happy about the trust thing, but you did have good intentions. Happy Christmas James. My gift to you is forgiveness. Take it.” He smiled and sighed out in relief.

“Thank Merlin!” He pulled the two of you into a hug. “So, you two are together?” You and Sirius just smiled at each other. He was the best gift you could have received.

#sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #maruaders imagine #young remus x reader #young sirius x reader #young sirius imagine

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jamaiskookie · 4 years ago

Note

i would like more soundcloud rapper yoongi x idol y/n please it’s so cute

v-live alert! -myg

pairing: idol! y/n x soundcloud rapper! yoongi

wc; 2.9k

a/n: lots of you asked, and so you shall receive. ps, i wrote this really rushed but i kinda love it. lmk what you think, love you guys <3

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE!

the v-live notification. or, more accurately, the sound of war. alternatively, you dance around your studio on a livestream and yoongi has a mental breakdown.

masterlist PREV

“i miss you too!“ you say, replying to one of the first comments that pop up on the live.

you probably should’ve showered before going live... and you probably should’ve changed out of sweats.

whatever.

it’s not like your fans haven’t seen this before.

half of your pre-debut pictures are just downright disgusting.

the number of viewers on the top of your phone begins to climb up to the thousands, increasing every half a second.

it always amazes you how many people show up to your lives. sometimes you wonder if your fans genuinely have nothing better to do. how do they always show up so fast?

the comments begin to flood with greetings and exclamations of ‘oh my god i’m so early!11!1’ and the multicoloured heart pop up on your screen, building up an impressive stream of likes.

“where am i?“ you read through the comments and look around, as if you forgot where you were. “in the studio.“ you grin when the comments flood with questions asking if dreamcloud is getting new music.

you can’t answer, of course, but it’s fun to see. you squint at your phone, which is propped on an elaborate setup that you spent the past twenty minutes preparing.

(three books on one eyeshadow palette and a selfie stick gingerly placed on a small stool)

((you pray to every deity out there that it won’t fall))

“i was just bored,“ you shrug, speaking to the screen. “so i decided to come on here and talk to you guys. how have you been?“ you ask.

hundreds of comments answer.

“i’m alright“

“i’m good!“

most of them contain some form of sappy declaration like ‘my day is much better now that you’re here!’ it makes you smile. how cute.

the v-live notification.

or, more accurately, the sound of war.

that cursed, terrible ding! haunts yoongi’s darkest and most terrifying nightmares. the sheer amount of panic that rushes through his veins when he hears that godforsaken noise, god.

the number of lives he’s missed- yoongi can’t even bear to think about it.

so maybe it was a blessing in disguise that yoongi put his phone on do not disturb so he didn’t have to hear that disgusting sound. instead, he found out the news via a gorilla’s screech.

“Y/N’S LIVE RIGHT NOW STARTED FOURTY SECONDS AGO HURRY UP YOONGI GET YOUR ASS UP AND STOP STUDYI-“ jimin yells from his room down the hall.

yoongi almost falls out of his chair scrambling to get to his phone. it’s not like he was really studying anyways- more like using his pencils to tap out a cool-sounding beat on his desk out of boredom.

watching your live > passing his music theory class.

priorities.

with shaky hands, he grabs at his phone, slumping onto the floor and he sees the familiar blue icon with the notification popped up on the screen.

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE! Y/N: let’s chat <3

an unnatural squeak that slightly resembles the sound a mouse slips out of yoongi’s mouth.

even when he was a baby starrie and was glued to his phone at all times, he’s never been this early to a live. he unlocks his phone, cursing his momentary clumsiness. he clicks into the live, smiling when your beaming face blasts up on his screen.

you haven’t gone live in so long- it’s nice to see your face again.

“- how have you been?“

“good.“ yoongi types out in the comment box, mumbling the words as he’s typing. “way better now that you’re live.“ sometimes yoongi cringes at himself when he types these things. i mean, who could possibly guess that min yoongi, resident scary-emo-couldslapyouintheface bad boy socially un-responsible simped over a k-pop idol?

he can already see his reputation go down the drain.

he also wonders what it says about himself that he’s a 20-something college student who’s life practically revolves around you, an idol who’s just about a year younger than him.

but dreamcloud is a part of his identity now. he identifies as a starrie no matter what. you know how the old saying goes-

once you stan, you can’t unstan. or something like that, he’s honestly not sure.

you tuck your head onto your hand, diligently trying to keep up with all the comment. with a gasp, you nod at something. “oh, you’re right, user yoonalova98!” - that’s another thing special about you. whenever you read out comments, you also read out the username of whoever wrote it.

you explained in one interview- that it’s cooler to give credit and talk to your fans as if you’re just chatting as friend. saying the username feels like you’re saying their names.

what kind of lucky fan would get their comment read aloud by Y/N?

ugh.

yoongi blinks when he remembers that technically, he’s sort of part of this group of elite, recognised fans.

his twitter stan account got almost five thousand more followers after Y/N replied to his selca. the post itself has tons and tons of likes and retweets.

insane, that Y/N- Y/N herself- knows of his existence. Y/N- the love of his life, has seen his FACE. she commented three HEART emojis below a selfie that he took.

if he thinks about it too much, he’ll start feeling faint again.

“our anniversary is coming up soon! i can’t believe it’s been three years already. time does pass by when you’re having fun.“ you say. yoongi thinks that it’s rather ironic that you would forget your anniversary, when yoongi’s had a calendar countdown to January 14th since the beginning of september.

“ahh,“ you say, leaning in closer to the screen. “from user lialiarach, ‘did you watch jisoo unnie’s acting debut’ - i did! we all watched it and cheered her on during the premiere!“

jisoo’s new drama is good. it’s a fantasy-horror blend, and he, jimin, namjoon and jin finished all 16 episodes in two days when streaming hit Netflix.

your head tilts and you smile. “song recommendations?” you wonder aloud, and yoongi scrambles to get a pen and notepad out. you don’t do ‘y/n’s listening parties’ as much anymore, but your taste in music is impeccable and he collects all the songs in a playlist.

it’s called ‘wedding tunes’ (jimin named it, not him, yoongi swears)

everytime he tries to change it back, it somehow switches back to wedding tunes the next day.

it’s disturbing how good jimin is at this kind of stuff. hopefully yoongi won’t have to bail him out of jail one day.

“okay!“ you say, pulling your laptop open. you hum as you scroll through some page that yoongi can’t see- and he anxiously waits for the first song to be played with twitchy hands and a strong grip on his pen.

the first bar plays out and yoongi’s already in love.

“this is,“ you say over the music, double checking just to make sure. “don’t need your love by NCT...“ you squint. god knows there are too many NCT members. “dream! NCT dream featuring HRVY.“

“NCT dream...“ yoongi mumbles to himself, writing the song down on the notepad.

“you know,“ you say over the music, spinning in your chair and nodding to the beat. “i’ve only met the NCT guys a couple times at music shows and such but they’re all so nice. i can’t remember all their names, but i’m decently familiar with their faces. how do they even have 23 members? how does it all work??“

you dance around the studio, singing along nonsensical lyrics that don’t make sense but sort of fit the rhythm of the song (??)

“don’t need your loo-ooove-!!! dum dum duhhhh duhros noya!!!” yoongi stifles a laugh. there’s a reason why you constantly forget lyrics on stage.

which is quite ironic, actually, because half the time you’re forgetting the lyrics to a song you wrote yourself.

afterwards, you play all the hidden gems- and yoongi’s proud to say he’s familiar with quite a few of them.

airplane by j-hope (a youtube star turned successful rapper-vocalist-dancer)

sweet night by v (the internet’s resident eye-candy)

and then you continue to scroll through your laptop, biting your lip and murmuring quietly to yourself. you glance once back at your phone screen.

okay, listen.

yoongi knows that he’s delusional, okay?

but everytime you look straight in the screen it’s almost like you’re looking directly at the camera it’s almost like you’re staring into his soul. which makes zero sense, but it still makes his heart skip a beat.

let him dream, please

“what am i scrolling through?“ you say, reciting a question from the chat. “soundcloud, user chachachae.“

soundcloud?

oh.

that’s pretty cool.

he didn’t know you had a soundcloud account!

you usually post all your covers and random shorts to instagram or another one of your personal blogs.

for a moment, yoongi indulges himself by wondering if you’d ever listened to his music. his soundcloud account is linked in his twitter bio, after all...

but he shakes those thoughts away as fast as they came. he doesn’t need to entertain himself with such silly thoughts.

“ooh, this one’s good!“ you say, clicking onto something.

still with you by JAYKAY (pffftt haihdkahjd) starts playing and you lean back, humming along. yoongi knows this one too!! now he’s 3 for 3!! he and you do share a similar taste in music, so maybe it does make sense.

even though you’re actually main vocalist and lead dancer, you do listen to a lot of rap music. but the music you make is nothing like the old school hip hop tracks that yoongi is partial to.

the music you make- how can he explain it?

sweet like honey with a little bit of tang.

like barbecue honey!!!!

ok that was a bad analogy.

all of his favourite dreamcloud tracks are written by you- cloud nine, up in the sky, are u still here, quicksand- the list goes on and on and on.

it’s like listening to your voice solves anything he goes against. bad day? dreamcloud. something to celebrate? blast your debut song. in need of a party song? easy fix. he gets aux cord rights? (granted, this doesn’t happen very often, since seokjin insists that his music taste is superior to his friends.) but anyways, y/n can fix it.

listening to your voice feels comforting. it invokes something in him that he honestly cannot explain with words. you’re his inspiration. not just in music- but in life. he admires how you’re able to smile through anything, how you take responsibility for your own actions.

he admires your kind heart, which offers generosity and forgiveness to even the most underserving people.

he admires your passion, for music, for your members, for the smallest things. he admires how you’ll love everyone and anyone.

even though he’s never really met you, he feels like he knows you. he wishes he could, anyways. he wants to thank the person who’s gotten him through such bad days.

yoongi curses himself again for being so delusional.

he keeps telling himself that he can’t get so attached. then he’ll end up like one of those creepy fans who are convinced their idols actually like them.

blech.

“okay, next song!“ you exclaim cheerfully. “i really like this one, guys. he’s this soundcloud star. he makes really cool music.“ yoongi readies his pen. if this person really is a soundcloud star, then there’s a high chance yoongi knows of him. a smaller chance that he actually knows the guy personally; either online or from real life.

you press the space bar almost obnoxiously, like you’re about to reveal something grand. you look into the camera, and you lock eyes with yoongi- through that cursed, horrible screen.

the first note plays and yoongi thinks that it sounds... oddly familiar, actually. for a moment, he sighs in disappointment. this one doesn’t sound as great as the previous few songs. almost like it’s incomplete, imperfect. something about it bugs him at the very bottom of his gut.

jimin figures it out before he does.

“AHHHHHHHHH YOONGI!!! OH MY GOD-!!!! YOONGI ARE YOU SEEING THIS? YOONGI!! HYUNG!“ yoongi grumbles, wondering what the hell jimin is screeching about now.

“oh, for fuck’s sake,“ he mumbles. the difference between him and jimin is the way they express their emotions. while yoongi bottles it all up, choosing to deal with things alone and slump around, jimin has no other choice but to scream things out. it’s a wonder they’re such good friends, really. “what is it now?“ yoongi mutters to himself.

“yeah yeah, a gentle breeze- “ and then it hits him. all at once.

“holy fucking shit.“ he whispers to himself, slumping down on the floor. he can barely hear what you say next.

“this song is called people by agust d. he goes by the name suga on social media-!“ yoongi falls down, gasping for air. “i’m a fan,“ you remark casually. “mr. suga producer-nim!! i’m your fan! please continue to make good music!“ you chuckle. “what am i doing right now? he probably isn’t even watching.“ you stare innocently at the phone camera, as if you don’t even know that you’re changing someone’s life right now.

out of his peripheral vision, he can see jimin rushing into the room, crouching next to him and placing a hand on his back, murmuring something yoongi can’t hear through the sound of his sobs.

huh. when did he even start crying?

“he makes rap and really cool hip hop music. you guys should give him a listen. his lyrics are really meaningful, too.“ you nod along, reciting the lyrics word for word- even though you really can’t rap.

“what kind of person am I? am I a good person? or a bad person? many of ways to judge just a person. everyone will live on, everyone will love, everyone will fade away“ you headbang along to the beat.

yoongi slides down the wall inch by inch. he wonders if he’ll faint or vomit first.

other people seem to make fun of people like him- people who find solace in idols, in music. that’s partially why he doesn’t like disclosing the fact that he’s a diehard fan of an idol girl group.

but in hindsight, that’s so stupid. who gives two fucks about his interests? hell, yoongi’s been depressed half his life. and if a group of girls who sing songs and perform make him feel better, what’s so wrong with that?

jimin’s voice is a little clearer now, and so is yours. you’re singing along to the lyrics- the lyrics that he wrote. the lyrics that he spent hours agonising over, wondering whether his shortcomings and anxiety in his life were worth posting on the internet for his measly following to see.

wondering if the music he made had any impact at all, if one day he might see his dream come true, to see his music being played in public. wondering if anyone might hear his songs and think that it helped them get over a bad day. just like you have for him.

yoongi’s sobs wrack through his body, tears flowing freely on his face. he’s crying hard. ugly crying, like a baby throwing a temper tantrum. his cries echo through the room. if he could see himself right now...

well, he doesn’t want to think about it. he’s sure it’s not a pretty view.

jimin looks over him, smiling proudly. his eyes are glassy, and he tucks yoongi’s head in his chest, putting his arms around him and embracing him.

yoongi’s shoulders shake. if it was any other day, he would usher jimin out the room. he hates it when people see him being vulnerable. even his own family hasn’t seen him cry that much.

but right now, he can’t bring himself to do anything but cry. other people may ask why this is such a big deal, why someone emotionally constipated like min yoongi would cry like this for such a small matter.

this, he doesn’t know how to explain either.

all he can think about is how much it means to him. that someone he admires so much is now, in turn, saying his music- no, his life- is good. nothing much else. but just knowing that you’ve listened to his work, that you know of his alter ego’s name...

his crying sounds grow larger.

jimin pets at his hair. “shh,” he murmurs. “it’s okay.” jimin’s voice also grows a little shaky. he tears up, but continues to comfort the crying boy in his arms. “you did it, hyung. it’s okay. you made it. you did it. why are you crying? this is good news! this is so great! i’m proud of you, we’re all so proud of you.”

yoongi tries to speak; it doesn’t go very well. but when he tries again, he manages to choke something out.

“i did it.“ he says, before burying his face back into jimin’s hug. the two boys sit on the ground, crying together. an hour passes, then two.

slowly, yoongi drifts off to bed on the ground, the melody of his own song blended with sound of your voice echoing in his head.

my ordinary became your special, my special became your ordinary. so what? what if you just brush by? what if you get hurt? sometimes you might get hurt again, sometimes you might shed tears. so what? so what if you live like that?

~ people by agust d

tags; @jksbbyfacebunny @extremeobsessions101 @dwcljh @stonyiscanon @bishuthot @s0seo @cecedrake2217

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ultimatebethylficlist · 4 years ago

Text

Veteran Author of The Month: June 2021

The featured veteran author for June is also a co-admin right here at UBFL: SquishyCool (or @im-immortal )!

SquishyCool can be found on AO3 and FFN under the same penname.

When asked what got her into Bethyl and what the fandom means to her, she said:

I’ve been a hardcore TWD fan since the show began airing, but that’s because of my love for zombies. In all honesty, I didn’t really ship anyone for the first 3-4 seasons. I kind of shipped Daryl with Carol, but then it became clear that it was a platonic relationship and in all honesty, I just wanted to see them both get some action lmao. Then the prison fell... and in those first moments of “Still,” when we see Beth and Daryl running and running and finally collapsing on the ground, breathless and exhausted... the butterflies started. Something clicked and I immediately thought, “uh oh.” The rest is history, especially considering how “Still” and “Alone” played out. I can’t explain how or why I’m still so heavily invested, especially considering my last 2 fandoms only kept my attention for about 2-3 years each, but here I am. And I love it! I am so incredibly grateful for the Bethyl fandom because not only has it helped me improve my writing so much more than I ever could have imagined, but it has also introduced me to some of the most amazing people, including someone who I now consider one of my very best friends! It’s my happy place :)

For her personal fic rec list, she recommends:

In The Maw by ronsparkyspeirs

Way Down We Go by LeathernLaces

Surfacing by lindentree

Wild Things (The Moonshine Poet) by Abelina

The Gift by Feliz

The Man Who Can't Be Moved by burningupasun

New Experiences Series by wallflow3r

Whisper Softly to Me by taylorcatherine

Interstice by leftmywingshome

To Love Like a Man by Seraphique

Death, Death (i defy thee) by alamorn

In My Blood by Courtneyshortney82

Let the Good Times Roll by gutsforgarters

Resolved by Allatariel

the weight of these wings by peachthorns

all my spaces are filled with you by annabeth_writes

A Little Jailbreak with the Little Jailbait by wandering_gypsy_feet

between the beginning and the end by sheriffandsteel

SquishyCool’s Works & Personal Thoughts:

Dirty Fingernails and Dried Blood Summary: What happened during the months between "Still" and "Alone"? Beth uses the last pages of her diary to write down every detail of surviving with Daryl. Thoughts: My first Bethyl fanfic. It holds a special place in my heart for that reason, though it is pretty rough. If I could go back, I never would’ve done it entirely in first-person. But I do plan to finish it one day. There are some scenes I’m particularly proud of, and I still have a long note full of ideas and plot points.

Most Wanted Summary: After Beth’s mother and half-brother are murdered in a drug war, the godly veil on the Greene Family operation is lifted, and law enforcement comes down hard. In an effort to protect her family, Beth commits a heinous crime that could mean life in prison alongside them. Now everyone she’s ever trusted is in police custody and her only chance at freedom is to get as far away from Atlanta as she can... Thoughts: Well, this is a must-read if you like my writing. I hope to one day convert this into an original fiction and maybe get it published, but I need to finish it first LOL. I got the idea from ONE scene of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” and from there, it exploded into a huge mystery thriller (with lots of romance and smut). I’m really really proud of it, and I’m scared I’ll fuck it up tbh, so I keep putting off continuing it. But I really need to get back to it because I really want people to see what I have planned! (Also, this fic is the reason @courtneyshortney82 started talking to me, so that alone is pretty historic lmao)

The Crow’s Song Summary: Beth and Daryl spend a few more days together in the funeral home and come to terms with all they've lost along the way. But soon, they must decide what comes next. Thoughts: This fic... this fucking fic. It took me a full year to write. I made numerous edits. I even got a little depressed while I was writing the last two chapters, and my bf didn’t know why until he read what I’d been writing lol. It’s honestly the Bethyl fic I’ve always wanted to write but just didn’t know how. I’m still really really proud of how it turned out.

Carnival Games Summary: Daryl is a traveling carnival worker and Beth is a barely legal farmer's daughter looking for a night of fun when the carnival comes to town. Thoughts: Omg this fic is so fun!! One of my first Bethyl fics, and one of my first Bethyl smut fics. Short, sweet, a little funny, and a lot hot. I am still impressed with myself on this one, especially considering how much my writing has improved since lol

Breathe. Please. Summary: Beth shows up at the Hilltop. Alive. Daryl can hardly believe his eyes. Until she's lying in his bed, an arm's reach away. And he can hear her inhaling... exhaling... inhaling... Thoughts: Another “fix-it” that I’m proud of. Tbh I didn’t think it was anything all that special, but a lot of readers have said it’s one of their favorites, and some say they reread it regularly, and nothing makes me happier than hearing that, so I am extremely proud.

picking @ scabs Summary: Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, being with them just isn't right. But what wouldn't you give for it to be right? Can someone like Daryl learn how to swallow his pride and stop repeating the same mistakes over and over? Can someone like Beth learn to fight off her demons and allow him to get close enough to hurt her again? How can they stay away from each other when it's all too easy to fall back into one another? Picking a scab will leave a scar, but they both have so many scars already... what's a few more? Thoughts: This fic is very, very personal for me. It’s like my “therapy” fic. I have poured some of my deepest feelings and struggles into its chapters, and the whole idea that got me to start it was that I wanted to find a way to navigate and cope with ending my 3-year long relationship with my emotionally/mentally/sometimes physically abusive ex. I still have a lot of fond memories from that relationship, but even more so, I have painful memories. Not to mention, going through your early 20s as a woman in the modern day is a fuckin’ trip, so this kind of explores that. It’s really self-indulgent, I think, but I’m really proud of the smut in it. And more than that, I’m proud of the response. I’ve had a few people message me or comment to say that they’ve felt all those things, or have experienced similar things, and it’s really just... relieving. I put my heart and soul out there, and what I got back was “you’re not alone.” So yeah, this fic is special. I wanna finish it soon, but I have to be in A Mood to do so.

In Toto Corde Summary: Despite a million reasons not to, Beth and Daryl fell in love. Then he made the ultimate sacrifice in order to keep all of his promises. Now, facing unimaginable consequences at the hands of witch hunters, Beth has no choice but to use her powers to bring Daryl back from the dead. "He won't be the same..." Thoughts: I LOVE THIS FIC. I love it so much that I had to rewrite it after like 4 or 5 years. And I already started on a sequel that I really hope I’m able to finish. Though it doesn’t have many hits, and I don’t think many people have read it at all, which I understand since it basically is entirely focused around Daryl being killed. But damn, I’m proud of this one, and it was really fucking fun to write because witch!Beth is just... the best.

risk it all (part 1 of in for a penny, in for a pound) Summary: Daryl Dixon has a pretty decent life, all things considered. He's got his own place. A good dog. A few friends. Even a girlfriend. He keeps himself out of trouble. Until he starts texting Beth Greene. And hell, if he ain't about to risk it all for this damn girl. Thoughts: This was supposed to be one short multichapter fic focused entirely on smut and social media. Then I got on a roll and it ended up being the beginning of a series! This fic is purely fun. Nothing too serious or heavy. I write it when I’m in a Good Mood because it’s my little happy place. I have plans for about 4 more fics before the series will be finished!

Don’t Make Me Haunt You Summary: So here's the thing: Merle Dixon is dead as fuck. And as it turns out, Beth Greene is the only one who can see or hear him. Which is weird considering she's never met or even heard of this guy, let alone anyone with the last name Dixon. That's her first problem... Thoughts: The reception to this fic has absolutely blown me away. I had no idea anyone would want to read about ghost!Merle haunting Beth and forcing her to solve his murder with the help of his grumpy brother. And it was all inspired by an episode of South Park lmao then I started really getting into it and now it’s just like, my super fun fic where I explore a range of emotions and all kinds of religious beliefs and different mythologies and I can build the world however I want and goddamn I just love writing this fic. Plus there’s a podfic for it! I can’t even begin to explain how much I love this fic and how proud I am of it :)

#bethyl fanfiction #veteran author of the month

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seasidefallenangel · 4 years ago

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Can i have some jealous hcs for A3! Omimi, Juza, Kazunari and Itaru? Thank you!

⟢ itaru, kazunari, juza and omi jealousy heacanons

itaru:

○ itaru will take his jealousy to the grave before mentioning it to you in the slightest. he might show some very subtle signs of it, but won’t talk about it at all

○ he knows he’s a good looking dude. the girls at work are always fawning over him and his fans from the theater aren’t shy about how attractive he looks on stage. he’s not stressing in the looks department

○ what he does stress about is his personality and hobbies. there’s a small voice in the back of his head that always insists that there’s someone better for you, who can pay attention more and act more caring than he does

○ so when he sees you laughing and joking around with one of his co-workers during your visit to his job, it puts a sick feeling in his stomach. rather than intervene and risk his other personality coming out, he just lets you know he’ll be waiting in the car whenever you’re done. who is he to interrupt your fun?

○ you’ll really have to drill the fact you don’t want anyone else into his head. it’s important to let him know there’s nobody you can geek out with about your interests like with him and you love every single part of him there is to offer, because his whole “hidden lifestyle” can lead to some insecurities he keeps to himself

kazunari:

○ it’s known that kazunari changed himself because of his issues from when he was in school, and he worries that he comes off as too artificial to people - especially you

○ he’s always comparing himself to others when you two are out doing anything. his smile suggests he’s vibing and having a good time, but his head is filled with thoughts of insecurity

○ there are two possibilities with kazunari: one - someone keeps trying to flirt with you or is making you uncomfortable and he gets absolutely pissed, aka classic jealousy. his words become violent and he looks way more threatening than he really is. two - you’re having a really good time with someone else and he gets worried you’ll realize he’s nothing special and leave him behind

○ if there’s any way he’s telling you about his issue, he’ll try to play it off as a joke. he’ll deny actually being jealous because he thinks it makes him too angry or controlling, and the last thing he wants to do is make you upset. please assure him that there’s nothing wrong with his feelings and you’re here for him regardless of personality

juza:

○ despite appearances, juza is literally such a good boy. he’s working very hard on not overreacting or using violence to solve his problems. he wants so badly for you to be proud of him

○ he’s never considered himself an overly attractive guy and sometimes worries that you’ll leave him for someone prettier or more handsome. you always smack these thoughts right out from his brain, and he’s thankful you’re so supportive

○ strangers out in public honestly don’t make him feel that threatened. you’re not gonna dump him for someone random freak who keeps hitting on you. it’s people you’re close to that makes him stressed out - namely banri

○ at this point juza and banri have a love-hate bromance, but the one thing he’s not letting fly is anytime banri tries to put moves on you. even if banri does it just to rile juza up or as a joke, it really sets him off. even sakyo has a difficult time getting banri out of juza’s chokehold

omi:

○ omi is, for lack of a better word, a himbo. he’s not kicking ass in the brains department and thus doesn’t really register the emotions he’s feeling as jealousy

○ not that he gets jealous a lot as is - it’s actually very rare. he usually sees interactions you have with other people as friendly and platonic, nothing more. omi has a lot of trust in you and knows you wouldn’t try to make advances on anyone else

○ what he doesn’t anticipate is people coming on to you. you never reciprocate but that doesn’t stop the other person sometimes. you’ll usually just walk away with omi if someone can’t take a hint. every so often though it gets to be a smidge too aggressive on their part and that’s when it clicks in omi’s brain

○ he’s calm at first, nothing more than a “hey they’re not really interested.” if that person somehow wants to ignore over six feet of muscle and gang experience, then it’s good night to them. omi tries not to be violent, but if they lay a hand on you then he’s breaking out his fists to defend you

✧·ﾟ: *✧·ﾟ:* 　　 *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

#itaru chigasaki x reader #kazunari miyoshi x reader #juza hyodo x reader #omi fushimi x reader #a3 x reader #a3 imagines #a3 headcanons #a3 scenarios #a3!#headcanons #angst #anonymous

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fencesandfrogs · 4 years ago

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hi my name is matthew and i have some thoughts about haes

okay disclaimers: i’m a little jumpy around the subject so while i don’t feel i’m being unnecessarily harsh/unfair, if ur firm on haes w no yielding, and you don’t want to argue about it? either skip this or don’t respond. i don’t really care. but i’m putting the body under a read more.

[3k words, 10 minute read. sections headers, some text italicized for emphasis/some readibility. no images/videos, a few links.]

second disclaimer: i’m not planning on going heavy on sources. i will happily provide sources to people who want them, and i haven’t written the actual post yet but it’s unlike me not to cite anything, but doing an in depth well researched and sourced post on this type of subject is not something i’m up for right now.

like i said, i’m jumpy around this subject. and on the off chance someone decides this post is Bad and i must be banished to the Bad Blogs Bin, i’d rather not put a lot of work into it.

third disclaimer: i’m not particularly interested in reading X study that says actually no people who way 700 pounds are healthy and people who weigh less than 200 are going to die early deaths. i know that’s a straw man i needed to a) get it out of the way now and b) i just am tired all the time and don’t have a ton of itme for it. that said, if you do send one to me, i will probably read it at some point, and i may or may not provide my thoughts.

right then. moving on.

with no more waffling, my thesis is as follows: weight stigma is bad, however obesity is killing people and i really would like people to stop pretending it doesn’t.

i. really hate that that’s a controversial opinion. i mean i hold a decent number of somewhat controversial opinions, most of which i keep to myself because i’m a firm believer that what i think about something should not interfere with how other people live their lives. as a noncontroversial example, i think mormons are in a cult. children, being minors, being indoctrinated is a problem, one i myself am not dedicated to solving because i have other issues but as far as adults involved, that’s their business.

(*please note that i’m not expanding on my thoughts because this post is about haes but i do have a more complicated opinion i’m just trying to demonstrate something please don’t at me about cults i know that they’re bad and adults in them also need help getting out that’s not the point of this post & i’m anxious enough so like, please.)

anyway so. obesity. is bad. it is bad for your health. if you are obese, you are not healthy. that said, i am not going to tell you to lose weight. no one should tell you to lose weight except for your doctor and maybe your immediate family, and that should be from a place of “you are not living your best life and i care about you.” i, an internet stranger, along with pretty much everyone you know, does not get to tell you about how terrible your life is and what a horrible person you are for existing, because you are not a bad person for being overweight. you do not deserve discrimination or mistreatment. even if you’re not actively trying to lose weight. it doesn’t matter. you are a human being like any other and i will fight like hell for you.

i’m not planning on going heavy into eating disorders because a) that’s a triggering topic for me and b) it’s going to muddle the point i’m getting, but since it is a large part of the arguments re. haes, it’s certainly going to come up, so i’d like to list the officially recognized eating disorders.

Anorexia Nervosa (AN)

Bulimia Nervosa (BN)

Binge Eating Disorder (BED)

Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorder (OSFED)

Pica

Rumination Disorder

Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)

Unspecified Feeding or Eating Disorder (UFED)

Other (aka “we are considering making this its own category but for matthew’s purposes it fits into AFRID or UFED well enough because the details aren’t important”)

so yeah. we’ll circle back to this.

section one: haes

haes initially stood for heatlh at every size. that doesn’t really matter anymore because people say healthy at every size now, however, the distinction is important. because.

okay. when i say being obese makes you inherently unhealthy, i am not saying you are having health problems for being overweight. i am saying you have a chronic illness. i have asthma. that makes me inherently unhealthy. i don’t necessarily have an health problems because i am asthmatic, but i have a chronic illness and it certainly would, say, make me more likely to die from covid. that is a fact. saying healthy at every lung functionality would not change that.

but you know, i can still be active and like smell plants and interact in the world like anyone else. i just try to keep my inhaler near by.

so similarly, if you are overweight/obese (i’ve been saying only obese because its less letters so i’m sticking with that), you can, like, live ur best life and take care of your health. you can feel good about your body and eat good food and move and again, i really don’t want anyone reading this to feel that i think everyone who’s obese needs to lose that weight because adults can do whatever they want.

what i’m angry about is that a good thing (encouraging people to make good choices no matter what so they can feel good in their bodies) got turned into a bad thing (telling people they don’t need to change what they’re doing because they’re perfectly healthy).

section two: but what about...?

see my third disclaimer. but as a fast rundown of things i probably won’t talk about in detail later:

the obesity paradox is a specific thing about a specific type of illness in the elderly. it’s also not about obesity, it’s about being slightly overweight. it’s a complicated thing, but it’s not true most of the time

sumo wrestlers have major health problems as soon as they stop exercising like crazy.

did you know there are countries where girls are force fed to become overweight? diet culture goes both ways

if you want to say healthy at every size, you have to mean that every. that means you are not allowed to say shit about underweight people. i’m sorry, is someone you care about wasting away? are they 5′10 and weigh 90 pounds and their hair is falling out because they aren’t eating? i’m sorry, you said people are healthy at every size. you can’t make fun of skinny people. you have to suck it up because you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

section three: self care

a hypothetical that is blindingly obvious to where i’m going: if a small child wants to play with a knife, are you caring for them by giving into it? what if they want to drink some vodka? what if they want to run away from home to live with a stranger in a white van?

i really really hope all those answers are “no, you’re neglecting that child, and also possibly actively harming it.”

so my point is pretty obvious: giving yourself something because you want it does not mean you are caring for yourself.

you know what i want to do all the time? sleep and rewatch twilight every day. but that makes me feel worse. so even though it’s terrible and i hate it, i have to take care of myself (because there is only one of me that i ever get) and go outside and talk to people and eat something that isn’t popcorn because you need protein to live.

(sorry i tried to keep nutrition out of that but i have to actively seek out sufficient salt and protein due to my campus doing a lot of low sodium food, which is bad when u actually need to eat a good amount of salt to keep ur body working, and also i’m vegetarian. so i’m constantly making myself seek it out.)

that doesn’t mean self care is always supposed to be work, but i mean. i’ve always not really gotten into it. i think because i’m hella depressed and i’ve been depressed long enough i can recognize it as this separate entity when it comes to a lot of the mental stuff. like, why do i feel like everything is meaningless? that’s just the depression.

but i digress, this isn’t about me. [proceeds to talk about me again]

one phrase i like a lot for myself is “bad food makes me feel bad.” now, i’m not a fan of putting moral judgements to food. but this works for me, personally. sure, eating a bunch of ice cream right now is good, but it’s going to suck when my stomach flips the fuck out because of all the sugar. and so it seems quite obvious to me that eating that ice cream is not, in fact, caring for my body.

and i think we’d collectively be a bit better served if we could learn to distinguish between self-care and self-kindness. ask anyone who does caregiving (childcare, nurses, etc): it is hard, often thankless (at least for children they’re devils who don’t realize that their toys will get wrecked if they don’t pick them up) work. you care for them not by doing what they want, but what is best for them.

section four: diet culture

as i’ve already played my hand up above with underweight vs haes, i think it’s kind of obvious that i have strong feelings about underweight not being healthy also. so i just want to take stock of what is and isn’t diet culture, and what i think about it. this is probably the most subjective part of this essay.

things i think are diet culture

people trying ridiculous diets. obviously diet culture in the purest sense. it’s real dumb. you need all the food groups to live. sometimes it’s okay, like cutting out sugar, but i’d say its a net negative

not trying to do lifestyle changes. that’s the sustainable way to lose weight. so. yeah.

weight cycling. actually still up for debate if this is bad. this paper says no, along with a lot of others, but i’m not sitting down and reading through all of them, and all of the ones that say its bad, to offer my opinion. i’m leaning towards “it’s better than nothing,” but we’ll see

a lot of other stuff i’m doing this off the top of my head and trying to avoid issues w eating disorders so.

things i think aren’t diet culture

women being pressured to look a certain way. that’s been going on for a long time. being skinny used to be bad. it’s a fact of the patriarchy.

most things? idk i have this impression that like, anyone exercising or eating healthy is a part of diet culture, when in reality, people just have different lifestyles. (also, again, if you’re going with haes, as in HealthyAES (hyaes?) you can’t call it unhealthy or you’re not respecting that damn E)

in conclusion: diet culture has issues, but the correct response to them is not “fuck you, i’m eating fourteen pounds of sugar.” eat fourteen pounds of sugar because you want to. (also it should be fat because if you really want to stick it to the man you should be eating fat, big sugar is responsible for a huge amount of todays dietary problems, both on the under/overweight side)

section five: discrimination

yeah no fuck people who discriminate about fat people. that’s all i’m just moving along to a transition since i was drifting away from my point about health.

section six: weight stigma

...is not responsible for your health issues. being obese is. accept the consequences of your lifestyle.

well. okay. that’s a little unfair. accept the consequences of not treating your chronic illness. and i feel i’ve probably lost people for calling obesity an illness but that’s the whole point of my post.

just like carrying externally heavy objects hurts your joints, so does carrying a lot of weight inside. fat does not cushion your organs, it kills them. getting rid of weight stigma will not make these issues go away.

the treatment for obesity is eating the number of calories you need to sustain a healthy weight at your current exercise levels. (*please consult with your doctor this is more complicated when you have to lose a lot of weight.)

section seven: cico. or, why your metabolism is fine

your body does not break the laws of thermodynamics. it cannot magically create more energy out of a given amount of calories.

there are issues with calorie counting, yes. i think it’s usually done in an unsustainable way that isn’t teaching people to make decisions, just to do math. it can be hard to get an accurate count.

but you are not a miracle of science. you have not discovered how to create and destroy energy. i’m sorry to be the one to break if to you.

if you don’t believe me, if you’re really sure your metabolism is different, go on and get it tested. tell your doctors. because it’s a major problem if it’s not working right.

similarly, i’m sorry, but if someone is the same height as you and a (very, like, +- 50 pounds) different weight, and neither of you have exisitng health conditions, you are not eating the same things/doing the same exercise. you have not broken the laws of physics.

possibly, one of you have untreated celiacs or something of the ilk meaning your body is actually malfunctioning. but if that’s true, i excluded you already, so shoo. get out of here and play in the sun with the other kids.

if you don’t believe this, there’s not much i can do to convince you. but i encourage you to count your calories for a month. find some tdee calculators. weigh yourself. make sure you count everything, it all goes down. check the math. (you can do any amount of time but a month is what you need for weight to be meaningful imo otherwise you’re just proving weight fluctuates a lot).

section eight: cico. or, why counting calories is not disordered eating

it can sure be a symptom of disordered eating, and it can certainly make disordered eating worse, but it isn’t an eating disorder.

also, assuming you’re not trying to verify the laws of thermodynamics, i don’t think counting every calorie is necessary. i have approximate values (500/meal, and around 300 in snacks), which i try not to go over or under.

yeah. i actually use calorie counting to make sure i’m eating enough in one sitting. some of my medication screws with my apetite and then i only eat like 300 calories and suddenly its like 11 and i need to go to bed but i’m hungry but eating before bed makes me feel terrible and it sucks.

but hey, according to some people, avoiding that is unhealthy.

okay i’m moving on before i get salty because the next section is touchy

section nine: eating disorders.

the three main eating disorders are listed way up there. they’re the first three. AN, BN, BED.

oh, yeah, binge eating? that’s actually disordered eating too. it’s not normal.

i’m not going to elaborate on the point because i absolutely know i can’t do it without getting really fucking angry that people call calorie counting disordered eating, like i haven’t watched a fifth grader eat one meal a day because she’s scared she’s overweight. like i haven’t watched a sixth grader cram food into his mouth until he’s sick because he’s worried he’s not bulky enough for sports. like i haven’t watched an eleventh grader tell me he hasn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday, but it’s fine, he doesn’t want his mac and cheese anyway, since he needs to lose weight.

you think someone keeping track of some numbers is an eating disorder? then either you’re lucky enough to never have to deal with eating disorders on a personal level, and i’m very happy for you, or you have, and you should maybe reevaluate that.

alright i’m cutting myself off now whoop.

section ten: intuitive eating

you know, much like haes, i want to like this. it fits in with my bad-food-makes-me-feel-bad mentality. i’m angry and tired and hungry because i ate like, a late breakfast/early lunch and now i need to eat again because if i don’t eat every six to eight hours i have a medical condition that makes me feel like shit (an aside: unless you’ve been told by a doctor, you don’t need to eat every 2-3 hours. unless you’re a child or have an applicable medical condition, you can probably eat one meal a day and be firne.)

but much like haes, it now has a meaning i can’t in good consience endorse. i can’t stand for a movement that tells people who acknowledge weight makes their joints hurt that they just need to keep eating until they feel better.

section eleven: conclusion

i have a lot more thoughts but again i’m hungry. i meant to talk more about IE and my problems with it but maybe that will be its own post.

i won’t say i’m happy to talk about this because i can’t promise i am (see: eating disorder issues.), but i will most likely respond to constructive discussion if someone sees this and wants to. i can also provide sources. i hate going, “sources available on request” but i tried to provide some stuff for some of the heavily disputed/i already had a source for it and didn’t have to dig through google scholar to find information that’s been peer reviewed.

and i do sincerely wish everyone, at any size, that they fracture the disconnect between them and their bodies (oop didn’t talk about that either another time then) & that they find peace with who they are, and that they get to live happy & fulfilling lives.

#fatphobia #anti haes #obesity #health #haes #i don't know how to tag this lmao sorry if i have a bad tag #q #mine #txt #7th #February #2021 #February 7th 2021 #essay #long post

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