#makes forced heterosexual attraction. comphet.

[radicalfemimist]

Yes I am, and you seem relatively chill so I’ll explain why. I did not skip the Zuko/Mai scenes and that’s honestly the problem. It’s because he and Mai have no chemistry/attraction are a forced relationship. However, I am not necessarily suggesting that Zuko is gay. In canon, I believe Zuko isn’t written to experience any attraction, though he does actually have some with Jet.

In writing, you have to earn everything. Every relationship, emotional moment, etc. Zuko and Mai are not earned— we are told they are dating in Season 3 but the only indication we’ve been given is that Mai likes Zuko, not that Zuko likes Mai.

There is no Zuko seeing a girl that reminds him of Mai so much it hurts. There is no Zuko writing to Mai when he’s away at sea. There is no Zuko not wanting to fight Mai but having to bc she’s chasing him or anything like that. Aside from the flashback in Zuko Alone, I don’t think Zuko and Mai even interact or are in scenes together prior to them dating.

And because they don’t, Zuko/Mai isn’t earned and is honestly a doomed romance because of it. Zuko is a main character, and the only reason we have for him dating his love interest Mai is that Mai likes him.

Mai is, simply put, convenient for Zuko. She “likes” him, she’s Fire Nation, she’s nobility, she lives right next to the palace, she already has good relations with his family— she is everything Zuko is expected to date as a Prince of the Fire Nation.

He doesn’t seem to know anything about her (offers her a seashell, earlier in the same episode she insults Lo and Li’s seashell bedspread), and calls her “crabby” and “a big blah”— he doesn’t trust her, evidently, because he gets jealous over literally nothing and throws a guy at a wall, causing Mai to dump him. They reconcile later that episode, but it’s just as forced as the rest of their relationship, and Zuko remains a shitty boyfriend and later breaks up with her over text, basically.

The Boiling Rock, Zuko does mention Mai and kinda smiles about it, but too little too late. Mai confronts him later that episode about his break-up letter, and he ends up having to lock her in a cage; the only indication it might have actually meant something to him being that he looks her in the eyes for a moment.

When Mai saves his life, he doesn’t insist on going back for her or anything. They don’t have to hold him back from doing something stupid. He leaves her there, knowing she has betrayed the Fire Nation for him. The one who does save Mai’s life? Ty Lee (and Azula, who didn’t seem to want to execute her despite her directly betraying the crown.)

Even when Zuko leaves to join the Avatar, he doesn’t seem concerned about Mai— he doesn’t ask Azula what she did to Mai during any of their fights, he doesn’t seem to yearn at all. Mai shows up when she’s out of prison, and he seems happy enough to see her— but it ring hollow because none of their relationship has been earned by the writing.

They aren’t a romance, they are a relationship. And like most relationships in media without good romance, their kissing looks passionless and stiff. I’m not asking for them to be ten seconds away from boning, or anything, but I do want them to look like they’re doing it for any other reason than they’re bored or they’re supposed to.

I.E the rest of the significant kisses in the show don’t just happen, they have dramatic music to sell it. In Katara and Aang’s final kiss of the series, Katara kisses Aang and then moves her hands up to his face, and then they wrap their arms around each other, whilst their love theme plays in the background.

If they can have a scene where Sokka and Suki are implied to be about to boink, Zuko and Mai can kiss each other like it matters. But Mai is the only who does all the heavy-lifting of their romance, and Zuko never pays it back. She’s convenient for him and not thing else— someone to listen to his problems, while he goes from yearning for his father to yearning for his Uncle. She is essentially a relationship picked out for him, and they are not in love. Zuko doesn’t even seem to really care about her.

I hate, hate when people decide that characters are bisexual instead of gay because they exhibit obviously forced, obviously fake opposite-sex attraction. I find it really ignorant, honestly, because comphet is a pretty universal gay experience.

Like, maybe Zuzu isn’t bisexual just because he had (1) girlfriend and went on a date with a girl (Jin) once. The latter example of which was accepted on his behalf, and he thought Jin consistently visiting the place he worked and looking at him meant she was trying to expose him as a Firebender. Maybe his extremely forced heterosexual romance is a sham, and he’s really into one of the two guys he breaks into a place with and actually has some chemistry with?

Maybe Mike isn’t bisexual, and is instead just a closeted gay boy in the 80s whose friends accidentally peer-pressured him into dating the girl he was keeping in his basement. Like, are you saying he’s just a shitty person? Because if he is attracted to girls as well, he’s just an asshole and kind of a cheater.

Maybe Jamie Kelly isn’t bisexual just because she decided she has a “crush” on the boy Hudson Rivers she consistently describes as just the eighth-cutest boy in school, whom she literally knows nothing about even though she’s apparently “obsessed” with him. Maybe she’s a lesbian and she’s actually interested in Angeline, the girl she has said:

“Angeline turned her cute up to about a seven, causing anybody directly in front of her to feel a mild, but pleasant, burning sensation.”

“My Superpowers of Boyishness have come with a super-weakness. Just like Superman is vulnerable to Kryptonite, my boy powers have made me weak and vulnerable in the way that Angeline makes ALL boys weak and vulnerable.”

those are lines taken directly from the book btw, and far from the only examples. but for concision I will refrain from talking too much about the things she has said about Angeline vs the things she has said about Hudson.

like what is the obsession with making characters bisexual? I mean, I know what the obsession is— they think it’s more progressive. Some people genuinely think portraying a M/F bisexual couple is just as important as portraying a same-sex couple, even though one of those examples will be dubbed into cousins or dubbed to be heterosexual, and one of them won’t.

There’s an idea nowadays that erasure / invalidation is some of the worst oppression you can face but not when homosexuals face it. It’s apparently biphobia to not want another bland straight romance because one or both characters is bi or commonly HC’d as such. It’s a “slur” to use the word “bihet”. I’ve even been told it’s racist to dislike a bland M/F romance because it was interracial and neither of the characters were white and as such, it’s progressive and must be applauded.

Don’t expect this to be coherent or have a conclusion; I don’t. I wrote all of this specifically because I was thinking about a fic I was reading had a bisexual Zuzu (and several other characters) even though they did not bother to tag it as such, and I was a tad peeved.

[envolvenuances]

lesbian masterdoc and the unforgivable damage of making people hear compulsory heterosexuality and think of "can lesbians have crushes on men?" (no) instead of "are heterosexual women settling in unhappy marriages with men bellow their worth because of economic and social pressure?" (yes)

[maslows-pyramid-scheme]

Why are we the only ones not allowed to be affected by comp het?

I mean this is crazyyyy

Wasn't compulsory heterosexuality originally proposed by Adrienne Rice, a political lesbian (of the 'choose lesbianism to stick it to patriarchy' variety)?

[willbyersabyss]

Mike is gay

Disclaimer: This is my personal interpretation and is not meant to start discourse. Anyone who calls it discourse will be blocked, thanks!

The biggest reason why people believe Mike is attracted to girls is because of his relationship with El, especially in season one. I don’t think he was genuinely interested in her at all. I think Mike was and has been experiencing a lot of compulsory heterosexuality. That’s not to say that Mike has been intentionally deceiving El all this time, a lot of his behavior was subconscious! That’s how socialization works! We aren’t always aware of the expectations being forced on us and this is especially true for heterosexual socialization. Now let’s see how the show hints at Mike’s relationship with El being a case of comphet:

We are supposed to believe that Mike fell in love with El when they met, but when we watch the first week they spent together, it’s pretty obvious that that’s not the case. Mike showed simple kindness to El when they first met because she was clearly scared and traumatized. Mike is a very protective person, as we learn throughout the show. He wasn’t being kind to her because he’s romantically interested, he’s just a protective person. 

El is the only girl in the show that Mike shows “interest” in. It’s established before Mike’s crush develops that El looks like a boy to outsiders! We are also reminded of this after there are romantic hints between mlvn (when Troy is talking to the police). She doesn’t even look like a girl! So the only girl we see Mike with in a romantic context looks like a boy. Yeah that supposed attraction to girls isn’t looking great right now.

Mike and Dustin are discussing how El got her powers when Lucas starts accusing Mike of having a crush on El. Mike didn’t say anything remotely romantic about her, he was just correcting Lucas that it’s okay to be weird! Also it’s interesting how they only compare El to male superheroes. Not only that, they compare her to the X-Men! Lucas believes Mike is interested in El right after they compare her to men? Okay.

Edit: Despite the deceiving name, the X-Men are actually not all men! There is a woman superhero with telekinetic powers that they were likely comparing El to. The choice to use the name X-Men rather than the actual character is an interesting choice, though!

Side note: I feel like Mike had similar views to Jonathan on normalcy in the beginning of season one, but that changes as people lead Mike to be with El. He thought it was okay to be different, maybe even cool, until his friends and family told him otherwise. Anyways!

Mike seems genuinely confused during this scene. This isn’t the typical “What? No way!” reaction that an embarrassed 12 year old would have when discussing a crush, Mike genuinely doesn’t understand why Lucas made this assumption. If you watch the scene, Mike’s tone isn’t defensive or embarrassed. If Mike had a crush on El at this point, why was he confused by Lucas’ assumption? This is definitely where Mike starts to mix up admiration for love. Lucas has a huge influence on how Mike views relationships. Since Lucas thought Mike had a crush on El, Mike must like her right? Mike starts viewing El in a different light after this interaction, beginning his comphet journey. 

Mike only starts to show signs of a “crush” on El after Lucas implies that he should. A boy being nice to a girl? Must be love! This is a huge sign of heteronormativity. Mike starts acting on these heteronormative expectations. He gives El a makeover to make her look like the ideal girl, he calls her pretty while acting out the “guy sees girl all dressed up and is shocked!” trope, and gives her special attention. Honestly I’m trying to find more romantic mlvn moments in s1 to help my point and there just… aren’t any. That’s it. He calls her pretty a few times and then they kiss at the end. 

This line sticks out to me. El is the first girl that isn’t “grossed out” by Mike and this is why Mike likes her. He doesn’t like El, he likes the concept of El. Mike is a very insecure person who has been called ugly by bullies his entire life. When El, a cool superhero, shows interest in him, he feels like he must be cool by association. He’s been told that girls being attracted to him is a marker for importance and he finally has that. Mike doesn’t want girls to be interested in him because he wants a girlfriend, he just wants his insecurities to be relieved. Mike admires El’s super powers because she’s similar to the (male) superheroes he admires. His relationship with El is based on admiration and the desire to be desired rather than actual attraction. This is a common symptom of comphet (from personal experience). 

Later on, El asks if she’s still pretty without the wig. Mike reassures her that she’s pretty and then he makes a face. What is this facial expression? Why does he look grossed out after calling El pretty? El starts to lean in towards him and he just stands stiff. He does this in later seasons as well, but I’ll get into that later. El is trying to kiss him (?) and he’s frozen. Why isn’t he leaning in too? It seems like he doesn’t want to kiss her. Interesting. 

Mike and Nancy have a conversation about their new love interests. Nancy assumes Mike was acting weird because of Will and Mike thinks she’s been weird because of Steve. The thing is, they were right. Nancy was acting weird because of Steve! She was performing a big act of conformity at the beginning of the season. What was this conformity? Ditching her nerdy interests and trying to grow up by getting a boyfriend. Sound familiar? That’s a surprise tool that will help us later. Mike was being weird because he was grieving and looking for Will. Everything he was doing was to find Will, even hanging out with El all the time. They’re both right in their assumptions here while implying that they were wrong! 

Nancy, like Lucas, has a big influence on how Mike views relationships. When she assumes he likes El, he acts grossed out because Nancy denied his accusation that she likes Jonathan seconds earlier. He’s mirroring her because he admires her, whether he wants to admit it or not. We see him find her cool for breaking the lock just before this! He wants to be like his big sister. So now two people Mike looks up to have tried to get Mike to see El romantically. Mike is definitely internalizing these assumptions. Everyone thinks he likes her, so must like her, right? 

It’s interesting how Nancy implies Mike’s behavior around El is weird. It feels similar to…

Another person who finds it weird that Mike is hanging out with a girl. Is this just Mike’s family teasing him about being nerdy, or is he lacking an interest in girls in their eyes? The people closest to Mike (Lucas, Nancy, Ted, and Karen) all find his behavior around El to be weird. I don’t necessarily think they suspect that Mike is queer, but from the audience’s perspective, this may be hinting at him being gay.

This conversation is extremely queer coded as well. Karen talks about being more open while Mike is literally hiding someone in his closet! Mike is hiding a girl (who looks like a boy) in his closet. Is he hiding his lack of attraction to girls in the closet?

“All this that’s been going on with Will, I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you.” Is the beginning of this conversation. So what was going on with Will? Obviously that he was missing, but what exactly did the town think happened to Will? They thought he was killed either by a homophobe or another queer person. Karen seems to be fairly popular in Hawkins so she probably heard these rumors. On the surface, this just seems like a conversation about grief, but when you look closer, is Karen trying to spark a deeper conversation with Mike about these rumors and how they make him feel? If so, what does Karen believe Mike is hiding here? She obviously knows how special Will is to Mike and she might suspect that he is queer too. Maybe in the same way Will is...

Anyways, back to what Nancy said. So after Lucas teased Mike for crushing on El, Mike started to see El differently than before. He feels like he has to develop feelings for her because his friends are expecting it, so he starts to force his behavior to change around her. Instead of just showing basic kindness, there’s more of a tenderness in the way he treats her. He’s testing out Lucas’ theory! Once Nancy accuses Mike of liking El, Mike’s act of conformity gets pushed to its limit. He only tries kissing El after his conversation with Nancy. When El seemed like she was going to kiss him before, he wasn’t into it. Mike is trying to hide his lack of interest in girls by pushing himself towards the only girl that has shown interest in him because everyone is telling him that’s what he should do!

And here we are. What is this? This is just… weird. Why did they have this said about what’s supposed to be a romantic couple? This isn’t the first time either. The boys said she was Mike’s cousin earlier. I know there’s a trope where characters call each other friends before getting together, but this is just a whole other level. 

El expressing that she sees Mike like a brother right before they kiss is not a good sign! Mike says that his relationship with El is different, but starts to backtrack. “It’s different… or I guess it’s not.” Um? I don’t think Mike views his relationship with El as familial at all, of course not, but this tells me that he only really sees her as a friend. If he was actually attracted to her, why would he even imply this at all? This also shows how he’s letting other people change how he views his relationship with El. He’s trying to say that he likes her until she implies that they’re more like family, and then he changes his mind. Mike is easily swayed by other people’s opinions when it comes to relationships (at least in season one). 

So I believe Mike mixed up admiration for El with romantic feelings and this was heavily influenced by others pushing him to be with her. Since El is really the only girl he shows interest in in the show (which I’ll get more into in a bit), this points to him being gay! Mike wasn’t purposefully using El to hide being gay, I don’t think he was aware of his queerness yet, but he was conforming to the expectations placed on him. 

Now that we’ve established that Mike’s feelings for El were not genuine, let’s get into the other evidence of him being gay:

Boys only! This line feels like it has similar implications to Will’s “free of girls!” line. If Will wanting to be free of girls is a hint that he’s gay, then Mike’s “boys only!” serves the same purpose. The same goes for Will’s cluelessness about girls (Girls don’t play video games. Girls go to science camp?) Mike is clueless about girls the entirety of s3 and even agrees with the video game line Will said in s2. They’re clueless about girls because they’re gay. Of course, real teenage boys are often clueless about girls, but I’m thinking about this in the context of a TV show. What does this tell us about Mike? It could just be for relatability but I think there’s something deeper there.

And here are a few shots of Mike looking disgusted or angry at the thought of showing attraction to girls. The first scene is where Dustin tells Mike he is going to flirt with a bunch of girls. Why is Mike making that face? Flirting with girls confuses and disgusts him, apparently. The fourth scene is where Lucas tells Mike to talk to El with ominous music playing in the back. Why is scary music playing when Mike is thinking about talking to a girl? That’s kind of gay. 

Mike, like Will, showed no interest in winning over Princess Daphne while Dustin and Lucas fought over her. But Mike staying quiet doesn’t mean he’s disinterested, right? Nope! Princess Daphne foreshadowed Lucas and Dustin fighting over Max. Mike showed zero interest in Max. Even Will was (platonically) intrigued by her, but overall he was indifferent. Mike and Will have the same reaction to Max. They aren’t showing attraction to her, unlike Dustin and Lucas. Again, Mike and Will having similar reactions to girls points to their sexuality being the same. Mike’s reaction was actually more extreme compared to Will! He was trying to kick Max out!

"Awesome? You haven't even spoken a word to her." Funny coming from the person who claims to have fallen in love with a girl at first sight. But that's a topic for later.

Mike didn’t want Max to join the party because he didn’t like the idea of his friends moving on from their more nerdy interests to get girlfriends. They were ditching Halloween to impress Max. Mike’s behavior towards Max in s2 is the same as Will’s behavior towards El in s3. Will didn’t want to move on from DnD for girls! We know Will is gay, so what does this entail for Mike? If Will’s annoyance towards his friends hanging out with girls was a sign that he’s gay, then we can assume Mike’s annoyance in s2 was for the same reason. Obviously, both Mike and Will have multiple reasons for their behavior, but one of those reasons has to do with them being gay.

El tries to kiss Mike and, for a second time, he stands still. His eyes are wide and he almost looks scared? He’s not looking at her lips or showing any attraction towards her. Why is it that every time El tries to kiss Mike first, he’s like a deer in headlights? It’s almost like he needs to talk himself into kissing her and that’s why he doesn’t like when she does it first. Seems pretty gay to me!

I feel like Mike started to pick up on his feelings for Will here. They felt the spark for most of the season, but the Snow Ball is when it really clicked for Mike. He started mirroring the actions of his friends and family from s1 by pushing Will towards a girl. Everyone did it to him so Mike thought this is what he was supposed to do! So why does it feel so wrong? Mike starts putting the pieces together and he’s scared of what he’s feeling. He complained about his friends growing up and moving on to get girlfriends the entire season, but at least he had Will, right? Then this girl takes Will from him too and now Mike is left in the dust. He feels like he has to do the same so he runs into the safety net of El to try and push his newfound feelings for Will away and be normal.

This kickstarts Mike’s behavior in s3. He’s going after a girl to try and be normal so he can be safe! He’s scared to acknowledge his feelings. Why isn’t Will doing the same? Mike is scared for both himself and Will. Mike has heard what everyone thinks about Will, so why isn’t Will trying to prove them wrong? I feel like Mike’s outbursts at Will are not only because of his repressed feelings for him, but also because he’s confused why Will can be so loud about not caring about girls while Mike is trying everything he can to force himself to like girls. They’re supposed to be “growing up” and getting girlfriends, but Will doesn’t want that and neither does Mike. Mike is trying to conform so he doesn’t face the same fate that Will has faced his entire life. It gets so bad that Mike starts to contribute to the struggles Will faces for not wanting to conform.

The rain fight makes so much more sense in this context. Why was Mike so frustrated that Will didn’t like girls? He wanted Will to be conforming the same way he was because conformity is safe. Otherwise, Will was putting himself in danger. I’m not saying that Mike knows that Will is gay, but Mike has watched Will get bullied for exactly that so he expects Will to conform to avoid the bullying! Mike was advocating against getting girlfriends until Will seemingly got a girl at the dance, so when Will didn't even stay with that girl, Mike’s effort was for nothing. Mike thought he had no other choice but to force himself to like a girl and when Will shows that that’s not the case, Mike wishes that he could do the same. Mike takes his internal frustration out on Will because he wants Will to be safe instead of chasing after the things they both want but can’t have (playing games for the rest of their lives). 

And so we come to the conclusion that Mike was projecting onto Will during their fight. “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” Is Mike’s internal struggle being taken out on Will. “What did you think, really? We were never gonna get girlfriends?” And Mike thought exactly that in s2! He thought the party would stick together for a bit longer until Dustin and Lucas ditched them for girls. This tells us that Mike was projecting here because he had the same thought he’s accusing Will of. So if these lines are projections, that means that Mike doesn’t like girls. He has to be gay.

Let’s use that surprise tool I mentioned earlier! Nancy ditched her nerdy interests to get a boyfriend (Steve). That’s where Mike initially got it hammered in his head that growing up means getting a girlfriend and moving on from “childish” things. Nancy’s relationship with Steve is an act of conformity and we know this thanks to Barb who calls Nancy out on her behavior. Will is doing the same to Mike! The argument Nancy and Barb have (this isn’t you) is a small parallel to the rain fight. Mike is conforming because he has witnessed others do it and has been told to do so. He can be like his straight sister, right? 

Once again, we have El initiating a kiss with Mike standing completely still. That’s the third time this has happened! If Mike was just surprised, why didn’t he start to kiss back? Or at least close his eyes? He had plenty of time to react. When El leaves, he has a strange expression on his face. The way his eyes dart around show that he’s realizing something, a realization in front of the closet with a lightbulb over his head. Mike thought that if he kissed El enough times, romantic feelings would eventually develop and his feelings for boys would just go away. This moment in Will’s room is when Mike realizes that those feelings are not going away. 

If this realization was just about Mike figuring out he’s attracted to boys, why is it happening after kissing a girl? Why is he standing in front of a closet while kissing El? His realization is not about liking boys, it’s about not liking girls. If Mike was realizing that he likes both boys and girls here, it would have happened after his talk with Will, not his kiss with El. He feels the need to hide in the closet because his repression is not working.

The Hopper’s letter sequence supports this as well. Mike is shown during these lines:

 “I feel like you’re pulling away from me or something.”

“I don’t want things to change.”

“So, I think that’s maybe why I came in here, to try to stop that change. To make things go back to how they were.”

El isn’t the one pulling away from Mike. We just saw her tell him she loves him! This line is foreshadowing events between seasons. Will doesn’t try to call Mike and they don’t have any contact. Mike tries to call, Will is pulling away. How is Mike changing? Of course, things are changing because the Byers are moving, but I sense a double meaning here. These scenes parallel the night they found Will’s body at the quarry. Mike feels like he’s losing Will for a second time because things are changing. Mike’s feelings are changing.

And this leads us into s4. Mike still attempts to repress his feelings by staying with El and it’s getting easier since she’s across the country. He doesn’t have to face his feelings for Will when he can’t see him!

Now let’s talk about his room decor. He has a couple of buff men (well one is a dragon but still) and one woman. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t necessarily think that room decor is always an indicator for sexuality. Nancy has posters of women in her room and as much as I love to hc her as sapphic, I think it’s more likely that she’s meant to be straight in the show. So, in my personal opinion, the woman on Mike’s poster isn’t hinting at his sexuality.

I do think the one way sign is important, though. I believe this serves a double meaning. It’s pointing at the closet, but it’s also hinting at Mike’s sexuality being one way. This sign points in the same direction as Mike’s triangle pocket that’s over his heart and always pointing at Will. Mike’s heart is not split between El and Will, it goes one direction. Will! A boy!

Speaking of split, let’s talk about this. This line is commonly used as bi evidence, but I don’t interpret it that way. I think this was more foreshadowing who Mike pays attention to throughout the day. Yellow is Will and purple is El! We see Mike noticing all the details about Will being upset, but he doesn’t even pick up on El looking uncomfortable when Angela shows up. He was focused on Will more than he was El! If this line was about sexuality, why didn’t they make it blue and pink (the usual colors for gender) instead of yellow and purple? This feels more person specific rather than an overall read on Mike’s sexuality. And this could just be a double meaning but again, this is my personal interpretation.

Also this line is in past tense. “I kinda did a 70/30 split.” If this is a double meaning for his sexuality, it’s in the past tense. He tried to do a split and it didn’t work because there’s too much yellow! His attraction to boys overshadows his (nonexistent) attraction to girls!

And now onto this load of bullshit. Mike lied. That’s pretty much a fact at this point. “I’m sorry I don’t say it more.” And he’s literally never said it to her face. “It’s not because I’m scared of you. I’ve never felt that way.” Lie. He was definitely scared of her a few times in s1 and possibly when she hit Angela in s4. But the most important lie here is that he fell in love with her at first sight. Hours after they met, he wanted to send her to a mental asylum so they could find Will. He only started to really care about her when he found out she was in danger and when she said she could help find Will. He called her a weapon and yelled “what’s wrong with you?” multiple times. That’s not love. If Mike ever had feelings for El, why would he feel the need to lie about when that happened? He could’ve said the Snow Ball or some other significant moment in their relationship (there are none), but he lied! He couldn’t name the actual moment he fell in love with her because it never happened. So if Mike never had feelings for El, that means he’s gay. Mike doesn’t show attraction to girls otherwise!

The climax of the monologue is the “you’re my superhero” line. Mike doesn’t even view calling someone a superhero as romantic. He calls his friends superheroes multiple times. Why the hell is that the climax when he doesn’t see it as romantic? And what kind of superhero? Every time Mike refers to El as a specific kind of hero, it’s a male hero. The X-Men and Superman. Other characters are perfectly capable of calling El “supergirl” or saying she’s like Wonder Woman. Why does Mike seem incapable of acknowledging his girlfriend’s femininity? Gay!

I didn’t really talk about how he shows attraction to boys because if you’re reading this, I assume you know that already. I’m just going to leave this here and it should be enough:

And with that, I’m going to wrap this up here. There’s more evidence I could address, but I wanted to focus on the evidence that’s most significant to me! Mike has not shown genuine attraction to girls and his relationship with El is a form of compulsory heterosexuality. Also, yes the show will confirm his sexuality in some way. Mike doesn’t exist just to be a love interest. His journey through queerness is just as important as the currently confirmed queer characters. I think they’ll confirm it in a similar way to Will and Robin where it’s not explicitly said, but still obvious. Michael Wheeler is gay!

[lesbianp1lled]

What is the concept of compulsory heterosexuality ( often shortened to comphet ) and why do I not believe it is real?

Here is the wikipedia definition of comphet. As you can see, it is the theory that heterosexuality is assumed and enforced upon women. Whilst I do agree heterosexuality is assumed by a number of people ( but this is only natural for people to assume, as the majority of people are heterosexual anyway ) I am critical of Adrienne Rich saying heterosexuality is enforced. A lot of people are naturally heterosexual and this makes sense from a biological standpoint. Men being attracted to women exclusively and vice versa makes sense for the purpose of being able to create offspring, there seems to be a biological drive in a lot of people to have babies ( whilst i would argue lesbians and gay men do not have this drive at all )

For a lot of women, heterosexuality is not enforced, it is their natural sexuality. Speak to a heterosexual woman and she will gush about her partner, you can see they are genuinely attracted to men.

In some cases women are forced to get married to men, but this is the exception and the majority of women are NOT forced.

Heterosexuality, just like homosexuality and bisexuality, is natural.

As for the argument that society enforces heterosexuality and can make lesbian get into osa relationships I am critical of this. Despite pressure from family members and friends and heterosexuality being everywhere, a lesbian would not get into a relationship with a man because she knows what she wants and that is not a male. Lesbians do have autonomy over their lives in a lot of cases. Despite what some people want to believe it is not hard to figure out you are a lesbian, many lesbians I have spoken to even from the most homophobic countries say it was something they knew from a young age. Even if you don’t know it is an option to date a woman as a woman, you will know that males are not attractive to you.

[sevensoulmates]

i wonder if people would be okay with eddie being bisexual. shannon as the only woman he fell in love with and buck as the only man eddie fell in love with. bisexual people also suffer from catholic guilt (i'm bi, latina and my family is catholic), but i don't think 9-1-1 would give us bi4bi romance. i just hope that, if eddie is bi, fans don't get mad and say things like 'it doesn't make sense'

Oh goodness, now we're getting into some iffy territory here. So, WARNING, if you follow my blog, you may already know that I personally headcanon Eddie as a repressed gay man, and not bisexual. And I have very specific reasons for that. HOWEVER, if the show DID want to go with Eddie also being bisexual, I would 100% accept that, because you're right bisexual people 100% also experience catholic guilt and comphet as well. All of that could definitely fit into the bisexual experience too. It would also make sense to the story...to a certain degree. So here's my warning again, I'm going to dive into my headcanon here, so be warned this is just MY opinion and is not indicative of all queer experiences real, fictional or otherwise.

Here's my reasons why I feel the story aligns closer to repressed gay than bisexual for Eddie. I simply don't believe that Eddie really ever was in love with Shannon. Loved her as his best friend, yes. Deeply loved her as the mother of his child? Yes. Loved her as a person? Yes. In deep romantic love with her? No. Nothing I've seen from their relationship, not the sex, not their "sweet" moments, or the vulnerable moments, nothing has ever made me ever believe they were in love love. I totally realize that that's my personal opinion and other people see it differently, I understand that, and I respect other people's personal opinions on the matter. This is not a knock against Shannon as a character, but just my individual feelings on their relationship. This was my opinion back when season 3 was still airing and I saw the show for the first time, and it's still my opinion now.

However, back in season 3/4 I actually still believed Eddie could be bi, for sure. And I would've been absolutely THRILLED with a bi4bi story from Buddie.

After all, just because Eddie wasn't in love with Shannon didn't mean he couldn't fall in love with another woman (or man), right? But then came Ana Flores....and then Vanessa...and then came Marisol....and the pattern kept going and I simply COULD NOT justify any of his behavior as actually really being attracted to/wanting/loving ANY of these women.

I understand that plenty of heterosexual and bisexual men also have this kind of avoidant-attachment relationship style, and that it could also stem from trauma, the way he grew up, patriarchy, etc, but the way he FORCES himself to be in a relationship with these women. The way he NEVER allows a genuine bond with a woman to just grow naturally and always has to force it to start, and then desperately cut it off when he's finally reached his limit, truly feels like he's torturing himself. And I'm so sorry, but I feel like if you were a person who genuinely wanted to be with a woman or a man, or anyone, in any capacity, you would not be torturing yourself over being with them.

Especially when I look at him in comparison to Buck, a canon bisexual man. I never once doubted that Buck actually loved Abby. I never once doubted that Buck was actually trying in his relationships with Ali, Taylor, and Natalia. When he was interested in these women it didn't feel forced. Unhealthy? Sure. Not the right fit for him? Absolutely. But forced? Like he was only doing it because he thought he had to? Never. Sure, maybe Buck held on longer than he should've because he didn't want to lose them, but that's because he still wanted their love even if it wasn't healthy for him.

I don't see any of that with Eddie. Shannon, and Eddie's relationship with her, has always felt like a crutch for Eddie, like an excuse, before she came back, when she was present, and long LONG after she died. So the argument that "well Ana and Marisol just aren't Shannon" will never work for me.

I also think Eddie being demisexual would be a better fit narratively at this point than bisexual as well. But then again, there's overlap and it's all very subjective and yeah--just a lot of queer theory to get into that I'm not an expert on, so I'm just gonna reiterate again. This is just my opinion.

If the show really wanted Eddie to be bisexual, and stated it as such, I would be fine with it, and I would accept it graciously and happily. But I do honestly feel like it wouldn't really fit well into the story they've been telling. At this point in time, with everything that we know, and everything we've seen, the only thing that I believe truly fits with the narrative is that Eddie's a repressed gay man and/or demisexual.

But if real-life bisexual people see themselves in Eddie, that will ALWAYS be valid, regardless of what the show says in regards to his sexuality. Fuck, they'll probably just leave him unlabeled regardless, in which case, any and all headcanons are valid.

This is a nuanced topic, and I do admit that IN REAL LIFE (remember I'm just discussing FICTIONAL characters here based purely on what a NARRATIVE has shown us which is all we can truly take as fact) someone in Eddie's position could for sure be bisexual and have this exact same experience.

I just think in my personal subjective opinion that with all we've seen in canon thus far, it would feel most organic to the story (and doesn't make Eddie look like a fucking asshole who chooses not to care at all about the women he's dating) if he realized he was a repressed gay man.

[rerinko]

May have slight grammatical errors. I'm going over it soon!

On Comphet, Compallo and Biphobia

Since writing my last essay I've had the pleasure of being exposed to some great questions that got me thinking. If the root of comphet is about not liking men and being in a patriarchal heteronormative society wouldn't Asexual or Ace/Aro women also experience comphet. When I first heard this, I thought it was very interesting and brought up a very good point. As I thought about it more, the one thing that came to mind about why their experience wouldn't exactly line up with comphet was comphet along with being about the lack of attraction to men and living in heteronormative patriarchal society is about lesbiphobia and the demonization of lesbians and lesbian relationships. Luckily I was able to hear the perspectives of a few ace lesbians but also a few non lesbian ace/aro people. They brought up a term that I hadn't previously heard of before “compallo”. Compallo is the compulsion to feel romantic or sexual feelings. The difference between comphet and compallo is that compallo is rooted in the compulsion to have romantic feelings while comphet is the compulsion to be heterosexual. Because we live in a heteronormative society, people who experience compallo will most likely “choose” to be in a heterosexual relationship or fake heterosexual romantic feelings. On the other hand I as a lesbian would experience comphet but not compallo. Although I am forcing myself to have romantic feelings when I don't it's rooted in being a lesbian not being asexual. It may seem similar but it's not the correct term to label my experience or other allosexual lesbians experiences.

I think the struggles of asexuals often get looked over. As I've been exposed to more asexual people and their experience I learned about things I would have never realized on my own. Asexuals are taught they're broken for not experiencing romantic or sexual attraction. We're taught romantic and sexual feelings are natural which is true the majority of people do have sexual attraction and that's completely okay. What's true at the same time is that there are people who don't. They're not broken, they don't need to be fixed and they're not making it up for attention.

I see a lot of people debating on the topic if asexuality should be a part of the LGBTQ. In my opinion if any group feels safe, feels seen and can relate to the queer experience they should be considered a part of the community. Who alone can really decide what's queer or not. Asexuals are considered broken and strange by society and what could be more queer than that. I think rather than trying to gatekeep who can call themselves queer we should focus on supporting queer people and validating our different experiences.

I also have seen people talking about why do we even need these terms and distinctions in the first place? My personal belief is we need certain terms to describe unique experiences because they summarize a complex topic within a word or two. Instead of having to explain my feelings of comphet I can simply say I experience comphet and people will understand what that means. Terms like comphet or compallo aren't meant to separate and categorize queer people but instead to highlight unique experiences of certain groups. Focusing on one group's issues doesn't make other issues less important. Saying comphet is a lesbian unique experience doesn't downplay the experience bisexual women have in a heteronormative society. As I've said before bisexual women and lesbians share the pain and pleasure of loving women but bisexual women don't understand the pain of not liking men. Even if you lean towards women you are still bisexual and you still can experience sexual attraction towards men. Lesbians never will have that option. For me coming to terms I didn't like men was harder than coming to terms with the fact I liked women's Bisexual women also go through their own unique experience lesbians don't go through. As someone who has never dated men I have never gone through all of the difficulties of dating men as a queer woman. I also can't relate to the biphobia bi women may experience from people within their own community.

I want to be 100% clear that bisexual women aren't any less queer than lesbians and they are a very important part of the queer community. I also don't want to diminish the biphobia they experience. No matter if a bisexual woman is in a straight or a lesbian relationship they're still bisexual. I know the statistics that bi women are disproportionately victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. Bi women have their own experience and lesbians have their own experience and both can relate to each other while realizing they live two different experiences.

If anyone is ace/aro I would love to hear more about your experiences. A lot of this information is new to me. If you feel like I misrepresented something don't be shy to reach out!

[redheadbigshoes]

“Comphet is biphobic” I’m gonna pretend everyone who says this is being genuine and not only - purposely - using biphobia to invalidate an entire experience.

Comphet stands for compulsory heterosexuality.

Do you think society is heteronormative? Do you think society is misogynistic?

If the answer is yes to both questions, then great I hope I can discuss this with you and you actually understand what I’m talking about.

For society the norm is being straight, not to mention how homophobic society is. Therefore, since we’re very little (sometimes since before we are born) we’re influenced to, even forced to be attracted to the opposite gender. So imagine not only everyone around you influencing you and telling you you will end up with the opposite gender, but also having very little (or not at all) representation of any form of romantic love that is not between a man and a woman.

This can be very alienating.

So imagine all of that + the fact that men are centered in womanhood. Women who are single and who want nothing to do with men are considered weird, wrong, worthless.

It makes you be confused of understanding what you were taught to like from what you actually like.

You want me to give you another example that hasn’t really anything to do with attraction? Okay. You know how women are very influenced and sometimes even forced to have children? Because motherhood is also part of womanhood in this society. Because women were made to be mothers in this society. Because women who don’t want kids and don’t have kids are also considered weird, wrong, worthless.

Don’t you think it can also be alienating and confusing to understand whether you actually want kids because it’s a genuine wish of yours and something you actually want from something you were taught to want?

That’s how compulsory heterosexuality works. It’s not something genuine, it’s something obligatory.

Lesbians are the main victims and the ones who’re most affected by comphet because we’re the ones who are not attracted to men (as well as strictly aroace women). However, comphet can also indirectly affect other women and fem-aligned people who’re still attracted to men.

It can make you think you have no value if you’re not with a man or if you don’t end up with a man.

So denying compulsory heterosexuality isn’t real is also denying society is heteronormative and misogynistic, it’s also denying society is homophobic.

[zahri-melitor]

Okay, this has been bugging me for a while, but…please stop describing Cassandra Cain dating/kissing/flirting with male characters as “comphet”.

Firstly, she’s one of the characters in DC that is the least socialised in societal norms. She doesn’t have the background cultural pressure towards assumed heterosexuality! Between that and the ability to read enough body language to work out if someone is attracted to her, if she decided she likes someone and considers dating them, she probably likes them.

Does that make her completely heterosexual? Look, I don’t think so, from the way she’s described characters she’s liked.

But claiming that her friendship and attraction to characters like Kon and Sal (in Batgirl 2008) and Nathan Jones (in Justice League Elite) and Erik (in Shadow of the Batgirl) etc is just the writers forcing a relationship on her is…disingenuous.

That’s what is written on the page! Cass was attracted to these characters! This is not “other characters set her up” stuff, this is things Cass initiated herself. And you’re taking away her agency by claiming it’s just the writers forcing this on her (particularly as she never actually dated any of them long term, at most it was just cute dates!)

Sure yes if you really feel like arguing, from a Doylist perspective Cass was only offered the chance to date male characters for the entirety of her post-Crisis pre-Rebirth existence. And nothing in the way her attraction is described requires her to only be into guys (and heck if Cass say gets a date with Xanthe? I’ll be overjoyed).

But insisting that a character whose whole thing is being able to read body language and even if she doesn’t always fully interpret what she’s reading, very clearly understands attraction and sex? (Just look at how Cass reacted to Brenda thinking Cass was a sexworker. She understands that side of things) Well. It feels to me like you’re insisting that Cass doesn’t know her own mind or emotions, something that feels weirdly paternalistic.

[heterophobicdyke]

how do you feel about the whole crushes on fictional characters being relevant to your sexuality thing? like animated or drawn characters not characters played by real people or super realistic video game characters. i’ve had women tell me they are bisexual because they like quote unquote anime titties but hate the idea of engaging sexually or romantically with a real woman and im like hmm you are heterosexual

i think some people can get some pavlovian horny response to porn queues (like big perky pornified unrealistic anime breasts on childlike figures wearing school uniforms) without actually being interested in the bio sex it's associated with. like how so many TIMs are anime addicts who want to see themselves as their own personal porn moodboard. bc so much of anime is extremely objectifying and reductive and quite honestly pedophilic

it's also kinda like how so many bisexuals assumed they were lesbian and start identifying as one while they were coming of age during covid. bc there wasn't any male or female actual bodies around to test their actual body reaction to lmao. it was all hypothetical and ofc men fkn suck so they assumed their feminist hatred of men (positive) was a sign they weren't attracted to them (not true). so many young "lesbians" then came out as bi when they made it out of their covid bunker into the real world and realised that no amount of man-hate can stop ur body reacting to male bodies if u are attracted to them. it's not all comphet

i'm just gonna address the kittyit shit here because it's all kinda combined, on the topic of comphet:

now this is gonna be controversial af but..... i think a lot of actual attraction to men is chalked up to comphet on radblr (and off radblr tbh, that masterdoc done fucked us). like at the time kittyit essentially admitted she was polilez yeaaaaars ago (posts unsearchable/deleted for obv reasons) she was also making/reblogging many posts about OUT LESBIANS still being lesbians despite fucking men bc it can be a comphet response or some shit:

maybe these women have complicated feelings about men and don't want to be attracted to them but are? like why is it always assumed that "lesbians" who keep fucking men despite identifying as lesbian are actually lesbian??? im not talking about women who forced themselves to fuck men to "try it" or due to heteronormativity, before consciously acknowledging their lesbianism, that is a different story, but like no i'm sorry. lesbians don't feel some compulsion to fuck men (how do u separate that from actually wanting to? many traumatised women DO still wanna fuck men?) and not all of those desires are extreme mental illness and trauma... some are actual attraction. i think there's such shame about this (perhaps very minimal!) attraction to men (the shame is the trauma speaking) that they'd rather convince themselves they're lesbian with trauma-induced compulsions to fuck men than actually be attracted to them? sounds mean but yea nah

but i'm always suss of ppl who identify as a "lesbian feminist" (not just a lesbian who is a feminist but an actual Lesbian Feminist) because

and the whole "born this way is simply saying we are genetically flawed" is straight outta sheila jeffrey's mouth (sorry it's pink the user @regina-geourge has since deleted the post - she had a whole post with screens where kittyit said she believes lesbianism is a trauma response and chalks up her actual attraction to men as socially constructed: https://regina-geourge.tumblr.com/post/190883567207/first-ive-heard-of-kittyit-being-a-polilez-do-u). this is only part of the post:

this (too pink) post from kittyit says: "it's just so crazy to me how when a lesbian questions the "born this way" narrative, even if done carefully, briefly and thoughtfully, there are a bunch of other lesbians there to say immediately & outright that she must not be a lesbian. certainly those who oppose political identifications with sexuality must know that's not how sexuality works, that a political opinion can't change your sexuality. there are conservative lesbians, lesbians who support & endorse cotton ceiling, lesbians who are anti-abortion, white-supremacist lesbians, lesbians who hold all manner of beliefs from horrifically offensive & oppressive to bizarre & upsetting to me personally. it doesn't change that any of them are lesbians, women who date/love/fuck women." [ME: bisexual women can also date/love/fuck women, lesbianism is defined by the lack of male attraction not by WHO you date/love/fuck - or else lesbians stuck in a forced/arranged het marriage wouldn't be real lesbians]

"[contd] personally, i believed i was born this way as a lesbian child living in an abusive, conservative christian household. before i hit an age of double digits i was on my knees crying & pleading with the christian god to explain to me why i was made this way. and now that i've grown up, i don't know! i don't know if there's a biological component to lesbianism. i don't know what's nature, what's nurture, if i live with a birth defect that has been diagnosed by torturing, murdering male medical providers as homosexuality, which, of course, is a diagnosis we now reclaim."

HOMOSEXUALITY EXISTED, ALBEIT WITHOUT A NAME, BEFORE IT WAS "DIAGNOSED AS A DEFECT." it looks like the christian god still isn't outside her head because the only way it makes sense to see born-this-way homosexuality as first and foremostly a "defect" is to trust the words of those male leaders, doctors and gods, over what we know to be true - that there is nothing wrong or holding us back (science/biologically wise) by being homosexual. why would there be?

this is the exact argument sheila jeffreys makes when she says she would rather "choose" to be a lesbian, something she sees to be a powerful feminist opportunity, rather than be born "defected." jeffreys also hates gay men because they further prove that there is a class of people, both male and female, who were born only interested in the same sex since birth for whatever reason (there are many evolutionary reasons when the world is not short of those who can reproduce lmao and we've evolved beyond needing piv for that but anywaaaaay). jeffreys' theory that lesbianism is a feminist choice rather than an innate trait (value-neutral) translates to gay men as "men choosing men, therefore woman-hating and debauched."

it's just classic homophobia: "lesbians are traumatised man-haters, that's why they "choose women," and gay men are overly male-identified (despite being gnc af and not out there raping women) and therefore are sick and perverted sexist freaks." there are many sources out there for sheila pretty much saying this straight up

sick of self-hating bisexuals tbh

[quietwingsinthesky]

I don’t know you., but I’ve followed you for a while and noticed how you talk about men and women you say you’re attracted to. you might only think your attracted to men because of comphet. Youre much more enthusiastic about women and if you need to makw a male character a woman to be attracted to him, you like women, not men.

I’m not trying to assume anything, but i didn’t realize what was happening with me until someone pointed it out. You dont have to fuck men.

anon, i'm asexual, i don't want to fuck anyone.

but beyond that, no, you're right, you don't know me, and this is a really weird thing to assume about a stranger and then send them like you can "correct" their sexuality. i'm not sure i actually trust that you have followed me for a bit and aren't just a weird bad actor here, because i feel like it's a little unavoidable to be on my blog and not be hit with a wave of how much i adore men? i like men. i'm not being forced into that by societal conditioning or anything. i enjoy writing sexual content about men, i enjoy writing silly thirst posts about male characters, i like being gay about men! nothing compulsory here!

(sidenote: very weird to imply that if I was, it would be comphet? I'm assuming benefit of the doubt here that you're just using the language you're familiar with, but I'm. not a woman. except for the bit. I'm not a man either, but I'm certainly not a woman. Nothing I do can be heterosexual.)

and i've already spent more than enough words on answering this, but you know what, i will address the genderbending thing. because that's not 'oh i wish this character was a woman for attraction reasons', it's. i like transgender people. i like genderbending. i like the act of gender being flipped around and turned on its head. i like making boys into girls and girls into boys and both of them into puppy dogs askdljalksjd. i don't know how much plainer i can put it than i am trans and i like changing genders because im trans!

so, i don't know, man. maybe chill out and stop worrying about other people's sexualities? i don't need your help. i'm fine.

[piosplayhouse]

WRT BingBing being bi, I kind of get what anon means? Not many people know that he's canonically bisexual, but there is a certain degree of dislike for M/M partnerships where one character has had successful and ostensibly happy/fulfilling ''heterosexual'' relationships. I think it falls into the fandom flanderizing issue, because you have to make a subjective judgement on how valid you think those marriages were. It's far easier to have an objectively gay Wangji or exclusively into one man San Lang, because it protects newer fans from having to defend their headcanons on their actual merits. Nowdays all I see instead is the ''If you ship X it's because you fetishize Y!" crowd, and BingQiu is designed not to appeal to them by virtue of... literally being a takedown of those kind of controlling and ever-hungry fans.

Again a rlly interesting idea, posting for my followers to chew on.

I can definitely see your perspective, and to add onto it personally, I think where a lot of this sort of vagueness falls in is, as usual, all Shen Yuan's (comphet's) fault lol. I think the automatic correction from sqq's very obviously wrong "he was straight, but I turned him gay" yaoi ass concept of binghe's sexuality is "well binghe was gay all along and just into women because of comphet/word of God". I think it's very fair to incorporate this comphet element since sqq, being how he is, is pretty heavy on it, and because a lot of svsss fans resonate with that. I'm not trying to take that away from anyone, so I don't want anyone to think that when I'm referring to Binghe as canonically bisexual I'm at all discounting the perspectives of people who relate to feeling unfulfilled in relationships before realizing their sexuality or whatnot. However, I do personally think that it helps to distinguish sqq's view of sexuality from the rest of pidw and airplane's. Binghe wasn't really born into an environment that had strong societal comphet, unlike sqq. As we learn from Sha Hualing in the airplane extra, demons don't really care about sexuality or even an understanding of what "straight" means. From this, we can kind of assume that Bing-ge is marrying women by choice (of course you can bring in the argument that it was the meta hand of the audience forcing airplane to force him to marry women, but functionally within the story, yeah he's marrying a bunch of girls So) and accent that by noting how Bing-ge has had a history of being abused by men and comforted by women, meaning that even if he did find men attractive, he probably wouldn't trust them the way he does women. Ultimately I do think Binghe as a character is functionally bisexual, and that his unhappy straight marriages were as valid as any other heterosexual boomer marriage where it was happy and lovey dovey at first but then starts souring until the husband is referring to his wife as his ball and chain or some shit.

[bilesproblems]

so, here are the next funny statements of exclusionists..))0)

problem 2, 3, 4: lesbophobia, mspecphobia, homophobia historical note: until the 1970s, the word “lesbian” had the same meaning as the current word “sapphic” - the attraction of any non-men to any non-men. without any restrictions. Over time, for political reasons, bisexuality began to be separated from lesbianism. going “back” would, in fact, do great harm to bisexual people and lesbians, whose identities are already quite established.

Moreover, lesbians often experience forced heterosexuality, a phenomenon where a lesbian thinks she is attracted to men when in fact she is not. “mspec lesbianism” is an erasure of the compget experience and the political history of queerness and lesbianism that these labels have lived through.

It is also important to note that lesbianism since the 1970s does not and will never include men for reasons that lesbianism and feminism are historically strongly intertwined. at the time when the term "lesbian" took on its current meaning, it was a political act of refusing male approval. the same is true for mspec identities - they were not separated from the general blurred “lesbian” and “gay” so that the unique experience of mspec people would be erased

/ quote

Okay that's just straight up radfem/TERF shit.

1. "Lesbian" is an orientation, not a fucking political stance. Irreparable harm has been done to the lesbian community when the love of women was decentralized in favor of hating men and refusing men. Even me, a person who isn't attracted to men romantically or sexually, it is not about hating guys! It's about loving girls and loving enbies! My orientation should not be made all about men, even if the way they do it is by centralizing how much I don't like them. My lack of attraction to guys does matter to me as well and I use labels like nomaromantic, demetic, nominromantic, etc. to describe that aspect but being a lesbian is about my love and not the lack of it

Also I fucking love men platonically. I have great male friends, trans and cis. I don't think I could in good faith make my identity about how much I hate men and rejecting them as a political stance when some of the guys in my life are wonderful people.

2. We are not going back. Lesbian separatism, despite all its flaws, would be difficult to reverse, and not worth it. Most mspecs don't identify with lesbian or gay. All we want now is for people to recognize that these are historical identities, that they shouldn't have been erased, and that people who are comfortable using lesbian or gay in a non-exclusive way have a right to.

3. No, mspec lesbians don't erase comphet. Someone who feels comphet enough could label as such because of their comphet, and that would be perfectly valid - using mspec to acknowledge that they are attracted to men and women, and using lesbian to acknowledge that the attraction to men is not quite "real" - but also, mspec lesbians who are genuinely attracted to men have nothing to do with comphet! I have experienced it before and it's... It's not real attraction. It's your brain tricking you into thinking you like someone of the opposite gender because that's what you're "supposed" to do. Mspec lesbians who like dudes? They're probably not experiencing comphet, they actually like men genuinely.

4. You don't get to exclude men from the most well known women-loving-women label when some men are women. Multigender and genderfluid people will always exist.

[tofu-gaycat]

This is the time to talk how exactly compulsory heterosexuality (comphet) affected me and in what ways trough my life, this is more of an intro post and a personal story.

When I was young I was always told that “guys should look after me and will pay attention to me eventually, that will make me happier and just be essential with time”. Even back then I didn’t understand what so cool about dating a guy? What makes him so special and why each girl should do this somehow? That it brings kids? Isn’t our planet already overpopulated? Some people can be child free? Even when I was small I didn’t really care for this “aspect of happiness” and therefore wasn’t affected compulsory heterosexuality due to my young age and attitude - I didn’t see my future where I settle down with a man.

Everything has changed when I thought I caught a first crush for a guy since everyone around me already did and it so cool. It wasn’t cool and it wasn’t a crush in the first place, it was a first example of attraction I needed to unconsciously fit in. After this I’ve developed another one-funny how both of guys were unavailable and of course ones I made in my head. Back then I couldn’t even bring myself to a thought that it was comphet. After I’ve finally came with terms that I was lesbian all along (May of 2022) and was repressing my attraction to women, I explained it as an attraction to men didn’t feel so real as it is to women, plus I’ve never had an attraction to men who were available and ones who were available were pushed away by me (literally lol). Even when I did so I couldn’t give it a name and just thought it was my unique experience and people don’t usually deal with it…I was wrong.

In one of my previous posts I shared a lesbian doc: it says that having attraction to unavailable men (fictional and ones unavailable irl) not seeing your future with a man and just feeling as this attraction is forced - is a huge sign of comphet (you can read it for yourself).

However, the story doesn’t end here since trough those almost 2 years I couldn’t live without having a damn crisis. I went back and forth from lesbian to bisexual - all due to same reason and wanting “to fit in” aka being forced into standards by compthet- the past issue like this is no easy to fight with even after years of being sure. I’ve never in my life felt legitimately sexually and romantically attracted to men. I can recall liking several girls and women and it felt real and not forced. Funny enough how despite getting romantic attraction almost never - I felt it for woman anyway. So all my “crises” ended in their own when I recall that comphet is still there and can affect anyone so it’s important to outline an issue so your true self won’t have to hide away.

In the end, I believe that it takes a while to spot and realise your comphet, how to fight with it and seek similar experiences. Don’t worry - being a lesbian is beautiful and no one should tell you otherwise <3

P.s I will make more posts about my exact experience with it so stay tuned!

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Love for y’all, stay safe👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽

Meme by @louvainisntacity

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

the “didn’t go through comphet” narrative is so nonsensical too because a lot of goldstars did go through the worst of heteropatriarchy and we still didn’t sleep with men. i definitely struggled with feeling as though i should be attracted to men, i definitely did try to force attraction to men, i had myself absolutely convinced i was attracted to men and just didn’t want to have sex with them for mysterious reasons, and i put myself in genuine danger making promises to men i couldn’t keep. the mental gymnastics i was doing to avoid sleeping with a man while still identifying as heterosexual made more sense to me than just giving in and going through with it. i structured my entire life around not sleeping with men while claiming to be and thinking of myself as heterosexual and i suffered greatly for it. eventually i gave up and accepted i am a lesbian. if a fakebian said i was “lucky” for “not going through comphet” to my face, i’d go for the throat. it's so presumptuous. i'm sure some goldstars are out there living beautiful idealistic yuri manga lives and more power to them, but most of us goldstars have suffered, and moreso than any fakebian who regrets the sex she enjoyed with her boyfriend because she retrospectively feels invalidated by it.

Hi anon!

Right?? Now that I think about it, fakebians often say that they wasted their teenage years on comphet and that reminds me of trans-identified males saying they didn't get to be a teenage girl. TiMs think being a teenage girl is all about makeup and prom dresses and doing pillow fights in slow motion in lingerie at pajama parties ; fakebians think being a teenage lesbian is all about being a cool rebellious girl, having cute little crushes and making out with your best friend.

Like you, I thought I could force myself to think about men sexually and would repeatedly come to the conclusion that I would at least need to be drugged or lobotomized to go through with het sex. I thought my puberty was somehow stunted because I was incapable of imagining myself kissing a guy! (Which is why I can't imagine why/how a lesbian would voluntarily have sex with a man, I couldn't even do it in my head!)

For most gold stars, teenage years are just lonely and full of heartbreak. We can't relate to most girls anymore, we can be bullied, sometimes even our parents hate us. The fact that fakebians think we're lucky shows that they never listen to us.

[adrinoir]

Lesbian Headcanons Pt. 2: Kagami

I feel like this is a pretty popular headcanon already. In fact, I’ve already talked about it a bit lol. But truthfully, there’s still so much more to break down. So let’s get into it!

It seems she misconstrued her own feelings towards Adrien

Kagami has shown a lot of comphet type behavior, especially when she was trying to get with Adrien. Lemme explain.

One sign of compulsory heterosexuality is mistaking your platonic relationship with a boy as romantic feelings. In Ikari Gozen, it was proven that Kagami’s mother is so strict that she won’t even let her try to make friends other than Adrien. But even though they’re friends, Tomoe won’t even allow her to have Adrien’s number.

So, with these strict rules limiting her to just one friendship (at the beginning of her debut in the show), she only has Adrien to see as a friend and potential romantic partner. Seeing as how he’s the sweet and cute guy, it’s easy to mistake this kind, relatable connection + aesthetic attraction as a romantic one. That’s not to say she doesn’t care about Adrien, she clearly does a whole lot. But, notice how once she tries to date him, she’s quick to notice the red flags yet she still forces and convinces herself that she wants to be with him.

A veil was lifted after dating Adrien

Like I had just mentioned, she got a pretty good idea of Adrien once she started dating him. She chose to ignore his behavior at first and convinced herself that she’s in love with him but was able to quickly break up with him when this behavior kept continuing.

Kagami is a very smart cookie. I’m glad she noticed that Adrien was being secretive and figured out he wasn’t right for her. Very quickly after their relationship ended, she started encouraging Marinette to confess her feelings to him. She also very quickly believed that Marinette and Adrien are the ones who are right for each other.

What’s interesting is how she’s suddenly completely supportive of Marinette’s feelings for Adrien and Adrien’s feelings for Marinette. Getting over her breakup with him wasn’t hard. She didn’t try to tear the two of them apart; there was no sabotaging nor jealousy involved. So that leaves the question: how did she suddenly become so supportive?

Kagami is a genuinely caring person. She’s also very strong and capable of taking care of herself. But, breakups still aren’t easy for most people. I’m suspicious there’s more reasons as to how she was able to move on so quickly. That ties into my theory that she realized she has romantic feelings for Marinette (which I’ll talk about more in the next section).

OR, she just realized she’s not into men as a whole like she thought she was. Now that she’s been put out into the world by Marinette, she’s able to see and talk to more girls. Having more social interactions with people can easily help determine what attracts her and what doesn’t. She no longer only has Adrien as a friend and potential romantic partner, she has many other possibilities now.

Her behavior around Marinette is different

Kagami was comfortable with Adrien from the start. From the get go, he was more taken aback by her.

However, Kagami was pretty nervous the first time she had one-on-one time with Marinette in Ikari Gozen. Kagami, who’s usually pretty confident and up front, got scared to talk to Marinette.

I have a theory that she has a bit of a crush on Marinette. All of that sudden nervous behavior and struggling so much just to try to make conversation with her is pretty telling. You’d expect someone like Kagami to be fine making conversation with someone, considering she was able to fight and speak to cute super model Adrien Agreste. But nope. Marinette makes her a bit timid, very much as if she has a crush on her.

She wanted to know more about Marinette and to genuinely become her friend. It’s sweet. Obviously it wasn’t good when Marinette didn’t trust her at first. But, it’s good she learned very quickly that Kagami just wants to be accepted and have friends at the very least.

I love their dynamic after that day, too. Marinette really grew to like and care about Kagami. She’s comfortable enough having her number and checking on her (even in person). They have potential to be a great couple if Adrien wasn’t in the picture. But because he’s Marinette’s love, Kagami didn’t want to get in the way. It’s still a o sad, I hope she finds someone. It’d be really cool if she ended up finding a girlfriend.

She was able to click with Marinette easily - just like Zoe was able to

Marinette is shown as a very likable character. She has a lot of friends, especially ones in school.

However, what I loved is that they had specific episodes with a strong focus on her befriending Kagami and Zoe, not just Alya. Like, why would they have episodes with such a heavy focus on these friendships if they didn’t mean a whole lot?

From the beginning, like I had mentioned in my precious section, Kagami was nervous around Marinette like a crush and since then, they’ve developed a very good bond rather quickly. It mirrors Zoe in a sense, not in a way of how Zoe was able to up and give Marinette her number during their very first conversation, but in how their bond became so strong in such a quick amount of time. 

Marinette has shown signs of struggling to open up to people, including those in her own friend group. In fact, she doesn’t individually hang out with any of the other girls in her school friend circle besides Alya, and then of course Kagami and Zoe who aren’t even in her class.

So, considering she was so quick to trust Kagami and Zoe - especially as miraculous holders - shows that there’s a different bond there in comparison to the rest of her classmate girl friends.

It was also incredible seeing Marinette prioritize Kagami first when she heard about her and Adrien’s breakup. Kagami was also very quick to deny that she still had any romantic feelings for Adrien.

That situation mirrors Marinette trying to stick by Zoe when she noticed her behavior changed because of Chloe’s influence. Marinette didn’t prioritize trying to sabotage Chloe in any sort of way, she just wanted to be there for Zoe and her new adjustment living in Paris instead of New York.

Another important reason that I compare Zoe and Kagami is that Zoe is canonically queer (as seen in Deflagration), and Kagami’s behavior and relationship with Marinette are similar to hers. Even though Kagami isn’t openly flirtatious with any girls, she still shows some obvious signs that she may not be straight and that she has a strong relationship with Marinette for a reason (ahem, she likes her).

Something else to compare could be how Zoe was originally scared to be more open with people about who she truly is. Despite Kagami being very up front and honest, she hides parts of herself away that she’s slowly becoming more open about, like Zoe did. I’m willing to bet if Tomoe wasn’t a strict mother, Kagami would be able to be more open about herself and find out what she enjoys instead of being very uptight.

She got defensive when she first interacted with Chloe

Ah, yes. My other sapphic girl, Chloe. I had mentioned this interaction in part one of my lesbian headcanon posts. But since this directly relates to Kagami, let’s talk about her again.

Her and Kagami were only shown speaking in Animaestro, however it’s a very interesting and unusual kind of interaction. Lemme explain.

Chloe is usually very bossy towards just about everyone who she believes is below her (popularity and wealth wise). She didn’t even know Kagami and told her to get out of “her seat.” But Kagami didn’t take any of that.

Kagami instead defended herself right away. Threw the harshness right back in Chloe’s face, enough to scare/intimidate her - someone who’s always the big bad bully. Kagami wasn’t scared of her and instead was the one to scare Chloe off.

One could argue that this is a stretch because “how is she nervous around her potential crush, Marinette, but not Chloe?” Well, just because she quickly defended herself doesn’t necessarily mean she wasn’t nervous. In fact, if she’s that quick to dish back at Chloe, she’s at least somewhat intimidated having her there and wanted to drive her away.

Think about how Kagami could’ve said, “Look. There’s a chair right over there. Sorry, I’m not moving.” or could’ve just left, letting Chloe take her spot. But she didn’t. She 1) either got bad vibes from Chloe and didn’t want her around, or 2) she was quickly intimidated by her too and didn’t want to have to interact with her for that reason.

Also consider this. Kagami was still in that stage of being completely convinced that she loved Adrien. One could think that anyone else who seemed interested in Adrien needs to be tossed aside. However, she didn’t throw Marinette out of her life just because she liked Adrien. So then what was it that made her so quickly defend herself when Chloe came in? I’m thinking intimidation. She’s this stunning, upper class girl who isn’t afraid to be up front just like Kagami. That could be easily intimidating for someone like Kagami, especially if she’s sapphic. Chloe mirrors her intimidation and comphet behavior.

Conclusion

Holy toledo are there a lot of signs that Kagami is gay. That was a lot to break down but it makes a lot of sense.

Kagami’s behavior, interactions, appearance, etc just give off very closeted lesbian vibes. I sense it.

Now, I’ve said I really like the Lukagami ship too. I still stand by that. However, it would make even more sense if it turns out that she isn’t straight but lesbian.

Kagami still has a lot to figure out about herself. Her being canonically gay and finally realizing this in the show would be an incredible character arc.