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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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the problem is that being single is seen as the consolidation prize, and not the natural neutral state of being-a-person. at the end of the movie or the book or the poetry, there is a person waiting for you at the altar, and they love you. if the play is a comedy, everyone gets married. the metaphor is about how you are not-whole. the metaphor is about how everyone is going to be happily-ever-after. the metaphor is that romantic love is the most important resource on the planet, not just all-love. all-love is not a thing, that is a disappointment. the treasure is not the friends we made along the way. the treasure is the girl you landed.
the metaphor is that you cannot be alone, that means you are broken. are you getting over someone? that is acceptable, you can be getting over someone, but not for long. you must be single because you would rather not be single. you must be single and looking to not-be-single. you must want to date, eventually.
friendship and community are never seen as being equal-to or even-better than romantic connection. that person is your one! you need to find them. you need to hunt through the sand particles until you can shift out some kind of gem. this is regardless to your own experience of the beach and the sun. you need to be somewhere with someone.
if you are taking this time alone to heal, that is so sad. everyone gives you this little pitying look. the understanding is that you are not actually happier than you were before you were single. it is seen as a sort of pity - oh, you are choosing yourself, making yourself the priority? - that isn't quite right. you must mean that you are making yourself ready for the right person. you are just laying the bed better this time. open up your heart. you'll find them, we promise!
what do you mean you're really-truly genuinely-very happy? you are probably misremembering what it was like to be in a relationship. and besides, once you meet your person, that time will look grey and bland and wasted. your person is the only way for you to see in color. so what if you have taken this time - for the first time in your entire life - to actually-for-real do the fucking work. you can be proud of yourself, sure. but the way we need to know that you got better is that you get a partner. you're healed enough for the next bad part!
people don't choose to be single, they just say they're choosing to be single - they actually mean "nobody wants to date me." it doesn't matter how many people you have gently rejected or how many times you've talked it over carefully in therapy. what matters is that you are single, and by all accounts - that means you are something worth our pity. your successes and life all seem pale in the sunlight. sure, you have done amazing things and finally found your way in life. what matters is that there wasn't a person in the room with you while you did it.
you want to tell them - that's the whole thing. i didn't know how to be alone in the room. i didn't know how to handle the silence. every moment was so sharp, and i kept choosing the wrong way to close the door. i have spent my entire life in the empty well, living in the ricochet of someone else's cruelty. for once i have built myself a ladder. for once everything i taste is all mine, every bite of sunshine and laughter. i have learned how to sleep out in the open with my memories. recently, they have started to purr.
your father rolls his eyes. listen. this isn't about you. i just want a grandchild in my future.
#writeblr#i actually didn't want a girlfriend before nat#and my dad recently said to me - raquel. i don't approve of the promiscuity#1. i am 30.#2. i had casually dated about 4 people over 18 months.#3. i do believe he was just mad that i get more girls than he ever did#i had to look this 60 yr old deacon in the eye and say. okay so i have a girlfriend first of all im just not tellin yall about her#and secondly.#OKAY???? OLD MAN I DONT EVEN LIVE HERE WHAT ARE U GONNA DO ABOUT IT#briefly considered asking nat if i could pretend we were a one night stand kind of a thing
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I dont care that it happened you to kanji. it should have happened to ME.
#souyo#persona#p4g#art tag#guys i was like#HHH HIS BIKE BROKE IS THIS MY CHANCE?!!!?#of course. the answer was no.#ggghhhhggkkk kanji i cant stay angry at you you're too sweet#anyway i was big mad i was not allowed be be ~up close and personal~ with yosuke#also the funny thing was#the day before this event i had unlocked okina and watched a movie with yosuke#it said he took his bike#then the next day man comes up to me like YOOO I GOT MY BIKEEE LET'S GO SOMEWHERE#BABE WE ALREADY DID THIS YESTERDAY!!#just some hilarious timing lmao#also i did not look up a ref and only realised afterwards that yu's summer uniform shirt does NOT look like that#but i am a fan of breast pockets so
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face value
#it's autism torment hours for cloud strife (featuring Projection™️)#everybody just assumes the worst about cloud the moment they meet him.#i think all the time about the 'be nice!' -> 'i'm doing my best :(' thing from remake. like. all he did was answer a fucking question.#it burns because i know EXACTLY what it's like to be on the receiving end of that. 'don't be rude!' i wasn't planning on it but ok i guess?#and people getting mad because they assumed i meant something completely different than what i said.#how many times have i asked 'hey when are we leaving' (so i know when we're leaving. god forbid)#only for them to hear 'WAAA WAAAAAAA HURRY UP!!!!!!! I WANNA LEAVE RIGHT NOWWWWW UGGHHHHHH'#like ???????????#we're speaking the same language right??? RIGHT????????#cloud listen bby. just know that i'm always here for you. even if no one else got ur back.#ok i'm better now. at least until the next easily avoidable stupid misunderstanding#ffvii#cloud strife#my art <3
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you know the ship is good when the actors are basically holding up little dolls of their characters and making them kiss
#yeah this is about good omens#but when is it not#micheal sheen#good omens#aziracrow#bbc merlin#merthur#byler#steddie#WAIT HOW DID I FORGET#wenclair#ronance#!!!#reddie#gallavich#stuilly#young royals#wilmon#scream#and the og:#george blagden#enjoltaire#stranger things#hannigram#mads mikkelsen#hugh dancy#ghostsoap#cod mw2#gelphie#wicked
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if i had a nickel for every time i shipped an extremely competent and attractive agent of the government and his very serious second in command work wife who would follow him to the depths of hell and also happens to have light colored hair that covers half of her forehead…
i would have one nickel.
anyway. here’s an unrelated image.
#i love twiyor.#i love them so much#i really do.#but#ROYAI OTP#i know this is controversial but if twiyor had a royai ending i wouldn’t be mad#but if they give twilight an ugly as mustache like they did in the original anime that might be the thing that pushes me over the edge#ALSO WHY DOES ROY HAVE A SIX PACK THERE IS NO WAY THAT MAN IS THAT CHISELED#WHERE DID HE GET THAT#it was NOT the alchemy i can assure you of that#anyway#sxf#spy x family#loid forger#yor forger#twiyor#fma#fmab#fma brotherhood#royai
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Silly idea I talked about ages ago with @azure7539arts, inspired by a similar event my workplace hosts every year. Would minors be allowed to participate in such an event? Probably not! But then again, it was the 80s, who can say for sure. Anyway, it's my birthday and I'll post nonsense if I want to <3
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“I need you to buy me.”
Eddie looks up from his notebook, effectively jarred from his campaign-plotting fugue state by Steve’s declaration.
Steve is standing at the other end of the dining table, staring at him expectantly.
“Y’know, this is the part where someone usually follows up their completely bonkers demand with an explanation,” Eddie says slowly.
“At the charity auction,” Steve clarifies. “I need you to bid on me, and I need you to win.”
Ah, yes, that weird Rent-an-Athlete charity auction the school runs every year; anyone on any Hawkins High sports team could volunteer to be “auctioned” off in order to raise money for said sports team, to spend a day at the beck and call of the highest bidder (within reason, supposedly). It’s generally restricted to students, but occasionally, prominent alumni are invited to participate – and Steve certainly fits the bill, especially after the story the government spun about his heroism in the face of “serial killer” Henry Creel last spring.
“And what, deny all those pretty girls a chance to get at you?” Eddie asks drily (he’d never turned up at previous auctions himself, but you could hardly avoid gossip in a school their size; it had usually been some cheerleader bidding with daddy’s money who won a date– that is, a day with Steve Harrington).
“It wasn’t always a girl who won,” Steve says, crossing his arms over his chest. “One time it was Mrs. Dalton – you know, the lady on the school board who lives on my block? I just spent the day doing yard work for her. She gave me lemonade. That was pretty cool.”
“Right,” Eddie drawls. “And I’m sure she definitely didn’t sit outside and stare at your ass while you were working.”
“She did not– she– I mean she was on the porch, but, like– she wouldn’t have– she’s, like, seventy, Eddie,” Steve splutters, and it’s all Eddie can do not to laugh.
“Older gals have needs, too, Steve,” Eddie says, giving in to a smirk. “So she was checking you out from the porch, huh?”
Steve goes red. “Shut up, that isn’t the point. I’m trying to ask for your help.”
“Right, right, your absolutely reasonable request for me to buy you at market. Why, again?” Eddie asks.
“The kids are planning to bid on me,” Steve says gravely.
Eddie blinks at him. “Okay?” he says, when no further explanation is forthcoming. “You basically do most of what they ask, anyway, so…?”
“Okay, believe it or not, I actually say no to at least half of what they ask me to do. I would literally never get anything done if I gave in to all their demands.” Steve jabs a finger at Eddie, who holds up his hands in mock surrender. “Anyway, this is all Henderson’s fault.”
“It usually is,” Eddie agrees, nodding sagely.
“He decided that he was going to bid on me and then use that day to finally make me play your nerd game with you–” Eddie snorts, and Steve shoots him a look, “but Wheeler doesn’t want me to play, so he said he was going to bid against Dustin and make me do anything but sit in on a session with you guys.”
“So let Wheeler win.” Eddie shrugs.
“No! I can’t let fuckin’ Mike win, he’ll probably make me do something even more ridiculous!” Steve exclaims. "He’ll make me play chauffeur for him and El on a date, or something, and he’ll probably include the stupid hat.”
“Wait, I thought El broke up with him,” Eddie breaks in.
“No, they’re on again,” Steve says absently, shaking his head. “Which is why Max has been in a bad mood lately.”
Eddie bites back the reflexive need to ask “How can you tell?”, going instead with, “I thought she and Sinclair were on again.”
“No, they are. That’s why no one’s been actively murdered,” Steve says.
“How do you keep track of all of this?” Eddie asks, squinting at Steve.
“It’s a natural skill. And we’re getting off track,” Steve says quickly. “Normally, I wouldn’t be that worried, because Dustin regularly blows his savings on weird science gadgets or whatever, but then Lucas and Will started taking sides.”
“This is getting very involved,” Eddie says.
“So you see why I’m stressed!” Steve insists, smacking a hand to his forehead (personally, Eddie thinks Steve is stressed for many other reasons, but he figures pointing that out just now won’t be appreciated). “Lucas is on Dustin’s side, and that kid does odd jobs like nobody’s goddamn business; he actually has shit saved up. And usually I’d have faith in him being more, like, sensible than to spend it all on this, but the little shit is really fucking competitive.”
“Wonder who he got that from?” Eddie mutters.
“Okay, we do remember that I’m not actually biologically related to any of these idiots, right?” Steve snaps.
“Well now we’re just getting into nature versus nurture–”
“Eddie.”
“Right, sorry, continue.”
“Well, Will took Mike’s side–”
“Shocking.”
“Right? But anyway, I don’t know if the kid has much saved up, but between him and Wheeler, they might be able to win.” Steve sighs, looking far more world-weary than Eddie feels the situation really warrants.
“You know you don’t actually have to do what they ask you to, right?” Eddie points out.
Steve rolls his eyes. “If an auction winner complains to the school that the person they bid on didn’t fulfill their end of the bargain, they can get their money back. It’s a whole…” he waves his hand vaguely, “thing. Happened once when I was a sophomore; Deacon McNab. Lost a good chunk of change for the football team, and they vandalized the shit out of his car.”
“Ah, right. Forgot we went to school with literal psychopaths,” Eddie hums.
“So, I just need you to bid on me and win, so I’m not stuck wasting a Saturday on whatever the hell the kids are going to try to make me do. Or not do. Or– whatever,” Steve says.
“Okay, not that I don’t understand your predicament here, but I think you’re forgetting something kind of important, Steve,” Eddie drawls.
Steve’s brows draw together in question. “What?”
“I’m fucking poor.”
“Oh.” Steve shakes his head. “I didn’t mean– no, I will give you the money, you don’t have to spend a dime, man, I just need you to get me out of this.”
“Why not have Buckley do it?” Eddie asks.
“That was Plan A, but she actually has a date that night, and it’s kind of a big deal, so I don’t want her to cancel,” Steve says. “But I assumed you wouldn’t be busy.”
“Wow, rude,” Eddie scoffs, and Steve sighs.
“Fine, sorry, I just really hoped you wouldn’t be busy.” Steve gives him the most lethal set of puppy dog eyes Eddie has ever seen, as if there had been any chance from the beginning that he’d be able to say no. “Please?”
Just for show, Eddie lets out a long sigh, falling against his chair and letting his head flop over the backrest like he’s deflating.
“Fine.”
“Thank you,” Steve groans, sounding so genuinely relieved that Eddie almost feels bad about how quickly his thoughts dip into the realms of the inappropriate. “Oh my god, I owe you.”
Eddie glances back up at Steve, tongue darting out to wet his lips almost unconsciously. “You know I’m not as easy to appease as a couple of fifteen-year-olds, right?”
Steve’s eyes drop for just a second—maybe down to Eddie’s lips, maybe not; who can say?—before he looks back up, cocking an eyebrow at Eddie. “I think I can handle it.”
Slowly, Eddie grins. “We’ll see.”
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#steve & the party#stranger things#solar wrote#this is very silly but I had fun writing it so I hope it's a fun short read#obviously Eddie does win the auction (surprisingly stiff competition; he may or may not end up throwing in a little of his own money#even though none of the kids are the top bidders at that point)#and then you can choose your own ending:#either Eddie chickens out and just asks Steve to play roadie for the band on their next gig night#but it works out in his favor anyway because he gets to spend the night watching Steve lifting and carrying and being supportive#while Steve gets to watch the band perform and is lowkey starstruck by Eddie and they smooch about it at the end of the night#OR; Eddie demands the same treatment Steve gave those cheerleaders who won a date with him back in the day#he's sort of joking but Steve takes him very seriously and takes him on a date so sweet and fun that Eddie is almost mad about#being swept off his feet by it#and at the end of the night Steve walks Eddie to his door and Eddie asks if the treatment ends here#or if Steve did anything... else for those girls#Steve; eyebrows raised: Are you asking if I slept with those girls for money?#Eddie; blanching: WAIT SHIT NO-#Steve: Nah I'm kidding. Come inside and fuck me#and Eddie does
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The funniest thing about Captain Marvel’s powers is that he can always, in every situation where he does something weird or suspicious, claim “a wizard did it”. And not only can the League not argue with this for lack of proof, but something like 70% of the time, a wizard actually literally did this. This guy has to deal with The Wizard who will just randomly magic at him and nobody can stop him.
#mads posts#captain marvel#shazam#billy batson#billy; accidentally turning into a kid: A WIZARD DID IT#superman: well shit i guess a wizard did do it#billy; internally: little do they know; me being a kid is the one thing the wizard Didn't Do#from the drafts
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lots of speculation over how round 7 between luka and till will turn out! and its had me thinking about the presence of recurring motifs and how the main ensemble are foils of each other.
i know that many people like to joke about how sua and ivan are genderbends of each other/basically siblings... but in my honest opinion, i think the parallels between the two (similar hair styles and having the more subdued personality of the pairing) are to throw us off about what we know about hyuna and luka lol.
sua and ivan's similarities are to emphasize their situational differences, highlighted by the comic where ivan expressed envy over sua not being in an unrequited love situation (yeah i know that's literally what the definition of a literary foil is, but hear me out LOL). so in that sense i feel that they're not really as similar as it seems?
i personally think that sua has more similarities to luka than she is with ivan, excluding her relationship with mizi. both in terms of their upbringing as being treated like dolls and how their resting face is kind of empty when they're not with mizi/hyuna respectively lol. plus their listless acceptance of the lethal circumstances they exist in
tbh even the childhood dynamic between mizisua and hyuluka (before the hyunwoo thing...of course...) is pretty similar, with mizi/hyuna dragging sua/luka around
i think by emphasizing the similarity between luka and sua, it reframes the events that happened in round 5. while luka probably was purposefully exploiting mizi's grief, it does come to question how much of the cutting shots between the two was mizi seeing sua in luka.
so how does this relate to round 7 between till and luka? there's a lot of speculation that luka will demolish till by pulling the same schtick he did with mizi -- and conversely there's a lot of speculation that vivinos and qmeng will subvert expectations by having till somehow overcome his depression by becoming numb to luka's tricks.
here's a third idea i haven't seen being brought up: luka seeing hyuna in till. i propose this idea because i think we can make some comparisons between till and hyuna. both of them are the most rebellious of the ensemble, both had a tendency to roughhouse as children, and both's choice of music genre is very high-powered with a heavy emphasis on the guitar (i want to say they both have that rock and roll vibe but unfortunately music isn't my forte and i don't want the genreheads to get on my ass LOL).
and now suddenly it feels like the random tidbits we get about luka's interactions with till feels like they're hinting towards something:
#beans of consciousness#alien stage#I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS.#I JUST HAD IDEAS AND NEEDED TO VOMIT THEM OUT SOMEWHERE.#i'm not a lit major and although i did fine in literary analysis back in school. its not rly my forte lol#so i could just be droppin mad bullshit#oh yeah another thing. the anniversary album. sua and luka covered each others songs
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Dunmeshi promotes the importance of balance for both a healthy body and a healthy mind, and optimism vs pessimism is one such case <3
If you were too glass half-full and I was too glass half-empty, maybe together we could make a full glass
#More in reblog about their arc n being fine w things going either way n ambiguity etc#Idealism vs doomerism. Reality checks are great yes but have you tried trying out something sweet you always assumed would taste awful#But got surprised when it was complementary and tasted good#Dungeon meshi#marchil#chilchuck tims#marcille donato#Now that i’m done w the dress thing and working on the arc analysis again my mighty need for marchil is back here badly. It’s at 12k rn#Like with diets but a diet for the brain. However a sandwich with syrup can also fix chil trust#MERRYYYYY CHRYSLER! HAVE CHEERY MARCHILS!#Prone is not an english verb sorry i did a french fail. There’s no english word w the exact flavor of meaning as prôner i’m mad
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#tbh George's hatred of yoko is a little overblown given that they got along later in life#and Paul credits George with convincing him to forgive her (though I'm not sure for what?)#but there was a hot minute there where holy shit he did not have nice things to say about yoko lmao#I mean I get it they all hated her at first#but vehemently hating someone bc you have so much repressed rage it feels good to see your friend get sad/mad when you hate on his wife#is 100% post-catholic culture#it's a level of passive aggression and emotional repression and indirection that normal people couldn't even comprehend#and then you wake up years later like “wait maybe that wasn't entirely about her"#but by then it's usually too late#george harrison#the beatles#op#beatles meme#shitpost#queue
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OK SO HERE IT GOES
Ok so story time: This was commissioned by the lovely (not to mention patient and supportive) @greypistacchio for her monumental fic Pieces of Paper we Hold, and it’s going to be the cover for the printed version she’s going to sell to raise money for SA survivors. It’s a great initiative and it comes with loads of merch from super talented artists so go.check.it.out. cuz it’s all kinds of awesome! (For real, the art for the merch is superb 😍)
Also it was my first commission ever 🤯 Nearly crapped my pants with nerves, but Gee was crazy enough to entrust it to me and I couldn’t be more grateful cause I’m kinda proud of the result and to be part of a project like this.
Some progress shots under the cut just for fun
#hazbin hotel#my art#huskerdust#hazbin hotel fanart#take back the night#hazbin hotel husk#hazbin angel dust#angel dust#angel dust fanart#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin hotel art#husk#hazbin husk#I had mad fun with the wings#they might be my favourite thing to draw?#also the concept was “two losers that won’t go down without a fight#and it was just SO DAMN FITTING#took me forever to finish though#but what else is new 😶🌫️#but Gee was seriously so so supportive#she had a sixth sense for when I was getting stuck in my own head#btw did I mention that I love this fandom?#cause I really really do 😭
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It's racist, my dear, to be blunt. People come from outside, they think we're all witches and druids. For God's sake, child, you walked into a piece of string!
#dwedit#doctor who#usertennant#userteri#userdiana#usertreena#miatendos#ruby sunday#enid meadows#roger ap gwilliam#*#this whole thing was just so interesting???#like supposedly the fairy circle meant nothing and mad jack is just a story they made up#but then where did the woman (who is definitely real and definitely supernatural in nature) come from.#what was she saying to people to make them afraid of RUBY. SPECIFICALLY.#why did they call her a HERALD to MAD JACK. then she was used to defeat roger. who by complete coincidence is also called mad jack.#(hey you know what else you could call a herald. perhaps... a prelude. maybe even... a harbinger)#how did ruby TURN INTO the woman when she (i have to assume) died of old age#AND MAYBE MOST IMPORTANTLY. IF OLD DEAD RUBY STOPPED THEM FROM BREAKING THE CIRCLE. WHICH STOPPED EVERYTHING ELSE.#THEN IS ROGER AP GWILLIAM NOT GOING TO REMAIN AS PRIME MINISTER IN 2046?????#or even though that timeline was erased did it still happen Enough for him to... lose? still resign but this time for no reason???#and WHY are we probably NEVER GOING TO GET ANSWERS TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS#AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE DOCTOR FOR 70+ YEARS
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So you're a go to source for all things Dick&Tim bros and you tend to write primarily from Dick's POV. So, odd question, but if you were to summarize their relationship from his POV in FIVE panels which panels would you pick? Keeping in mind that one specific aspect of their relationship that you love needs to be clearly represented by each panel (loyalty, trust etc). I hope this is a fun challenge and not an annoying question so if you don't want to answer that's cool! Have a wonderful day!
No more talk. The same thoughts run through two minds... (SotB 29) / You're my equal. My closest ally. (RR 1) / I can't stop thinking how much I rely on him. (GoG 3)
25 Feelings Dick Has About Tim
This was such a kind ask & a cool challenge which I totally failed; here are TWENTY-five panels of Dick's POV on Tim sdfdsfds Look, I got carried away! Marcia and Cindy! The boys!!
OKAY SO BEFORE I GET TO THE PANELS A FEW NOTES:
WARNING THAT THERE ARE SOME NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN HERE because I love conflict but but but you gotta remember those are not the final word!! They are complicated people and sometimes they get mad at each other BUT ultimately their relationship is so hugely important in both their lives & they love each other and rely on each other so much -!!! <3
Also I have CONCLUDING THOUGHTS at the end about what Dick's POV leaves out (mostly: a lot of Dick defending & protecting & supporting Tim, which Dick does instinctively but isn't very self-aware about most of the time)
I have loosely organized my list into 5^5 format (5 categories with 5 examples each!), so if you want to skip to a relevant one, here are the categories!!
Below the cut:
I hate him and find him infuriating (#1-5)
On second thought, he's endearing & fun (#6-10)
Grief is complicated & he's all tangled up in mine (#11-15)
I love him & think highly of him (#16-20)
I rely on him & though it's hard for me, I trust him (#21-25)
I hate him and find him infuriating (#1 - 5)
1) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze me and Bruce, but he doesn’t know me at all, he should get lost (New Titans 61)
2) He thinks he’s so smart and can psychoanalyze Bruce but he doesn’t know Bruce at all, he should get lost (Gotham Knights 26)
3) He is so nosy about stuff that is MY business (Robin 0)
4) He sounds like an insincere suck-up half the time... but okay, fine, if you push him he's got a sense of humor about it (New Titans 65)
5) I'm sure he's a better vigilante than me. It's my fault for being a failure, but I resent him anyway. (Nightwing 9 - Dick's having a nightmare)
On second thought, he's kinda endearing (#6-10)
6) He worries too much and gets anxious so easily, but it makes him fun to tease (Robin 67)
7) I'm not that competitive - okay, so maybe I'm a little competitive, I gotta make sure he doesn't get a swelled head (Prodigal)
8) I'm supposed to be his favorite! It is not cool for him to be fanboying over my not-girlfriend's not-boyfriend!! (Birds of Prey 19)
9) We have fun together. I can kick back and relax when it's just the two of us. Plus I get to boss him around a bit. (Prodigal)
10) He’s always trying to reassure me, and I guess it's a little comforting, but also he doesn’t really get it. Or me. He makes excuses that he shouldn't, because he doesn't understand that I suck. (Nightwing 64)
Grief is complicated and he's all tangled up in mine (#11 - 15)
11) He reminds me of everything I try not to think about. Sometimes the memories are so strong it hurts to look at him. (Batman 441)
12) WHY IS HE BEING IMPOSSIBLE ALL OF A SUDDEN??? THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING (Nightwing 139)
13) We're the same. He says all the things I don't let myself think about. It's like arguing with myself. (Nightwing 139)
14) He thinks he gets to tell me what to do but he doesn’t, fuck him (Battle for the Cowl)
15) Life sucks, so what. I sucked it up so he should too (RR 1)
I love him and think highly of him (#16 - 20)
16) He’s the closest thing to a brother I’ll ever have. If someone hurts him I will hurt them harder. (Nightwing 6)
17) I can't handle the idea of losing him. (Nightwing 97)
17) He’s so good and I’m not. I'm afraid I’m bad for him. (Nightwing 110)
18) He’s better than me, and it’s kind of a relief because I know no matter what he’ll be okay. (Gates of Gotham 3)
19) In my head he’s the responsible one. (Gotham Knights 10)
I rely on him, and though it's hard for me, I trust him (#20-25)
20) I know I have to trust him but I'm afraid he'll make the wrong choices and get hurt (Nightwing 139)
21) I'm sure I know what he should do because I see myself in him - not that I can take my own advice, but he should (Blackest Night 3)
22) I trust him. When I’m losing my grip on things, he pulls me back. (Gotham Knights 10)
23) I want him to trust me (Red Robin 12)
24) He can tell when I'm lying. Sometimes he sees my weaknesses better than I wish he did. (Detective Comics 874)
25) He’s always there when I need him. (Teen Titans / Outsiders Secret Files)
Final rambling thoughts:
TIM: Uhh, okay, so I'm just skimming this list - do you really trust me? you're not just saying that? - but anyway, I'm confused because you left some stuff out? Like some stuff that's kinda important? DICK: No? I think I got everything? TIM (starts counting on his fingers): The time I was having a bad day but then I called you. The time I got captured by Two-Face but then you saved me. The time I fell off a train but then you saved me. The time I fell off a building but then you saved me. The time I fell off a different building - DICK: I feel like you're trying to make some kind of point but I'm not sure what it could be.
SO THE THING IS, I put 25 panels in here and not a single one has Dick catching Tim when he’s falling!!! But I think that's a central motif of their relationship from Tim’s POV, not Dick’s. I love Dick, but in some ways I think he is spectacularly un-self-aware.
And I think he especially has a lot of blind spots about Tim. He kinda intermittently gets that Tim admires him, and he enjoys it in a playful I-get-to-boss-you-around way. But Dick tends to consistently underestimate all of his own good qualities & skills, and he meets Tim at a point in his life when he's especially down on himself & his abilities. And so he's unable to see his own influence on Tim, & therefore unable to fully understand a lot of Tim's priorities and loyalties and motivations, because you can't actually understand Tim without understanding Dick's impact on him. There's a fascinating moment in Bruce Wayne: Murderer when Dick's completely blindsided & upset to discover that Tim doesn't entirely trust Bruce, even though this has been a definitive fact of Tim's whole thing ever since he showed up with his Batman needs Robin theory, and Barbara has to actively remind Dick of the obvious-to-everyone-except-Dick fact that a lot of Tim's loyalty is to Dick, and Tim loves Bruce but feels free to be more wary of him. (And to give Bruce credit: this is not something he ever begrudges.) But anyway Babs points this out, and Dick manages to sorta process it for about five seconds, but he cannot actually accept it into his worldview so instead he discards it at the speed of light and goes off and has an argument with Tim instead sdfsfdsf
All of Dick's virtues - Dick's kindness at the circus and Dick's determination to fight through grief and Dick's rigid sense of morals and Dick's vigilante skills and every time Dick has ever backed Tim up or listened to him or protected him or saved him from something or just been casually kind to a stranger in Tim's presence etc etc etc - all these things loom really large in Tim's mental story of Who Dick Is, and What Dick And Tim's Relationship Is. Tim meets Dick before he meets Bruce, trusts Dick more than Bruce, aspires to be Robin instead of Batman. And so in Tim's default version of the story, Dick is the super-special and admirable hero and Tim is... nobody in particular, a tagalong outsider who's barely managing to be a hero, not part of Dick and Bruce's family and not part of their story, who, if he's VERY LUCKY and tries REALLY HARD, might be able to fight his way to proving himself and offering something to Dick that Dick will value, if Dick doesn't get fed up with him first.
But that's not Dick's version of the story!!!
Dick's version of the story is almost the exact opposite, a story where Dick's an outcast failure black sheep who's screwing up everything he tries, and meanwhile Tim is The Sudden New Perfect Robin Who's Better Than Me And Probably Bruce Loves Him More And Probably They Gossip About What A Loser I Am, mixed with a complicated edge of Tim Thinks He's So Smart But He Doesn't Know Me/Us At All. Dick gets much more attached to Tim over time, and Tim gets unnervingly better at the know-it-all psychoanalysis so then Dick gets to have complicated feelings about him being right instead of just annoyance at him for being wrong, plus Dick's relationship with Bruce improves a lot, so Tim stops feeling so threatening. But Dick never fundamentally changes his basic theory of their relationship in which Tim is highly impressive and capable, and Dick is not so much.
And so asking Dick about Tim is kinda like if you asked George Bailey to tell you about Harry Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life; like, you'll be there for five hours while he tells you how great Harry is, and how accomplished Harry is, and how he doesn't really get how or why Harry does the things he does, and maybe George does feel a little resentful or jealous sometimes, but that pales in comparison to all his admiration and trust for Harry who he loves so much, who's better than him in so many ways, and he's not gonna openly gripe but secretly he can't help but feel sometimes like he's such a failure in comparison to Harry, a perfect person who emerged fully formed from Zeus's head with all the virtues and also all the accomplishments, etc. etc. etc. --
-- and he will not actually remember the part where he changed and saved Harry's whole entire life unless you literally send him to an alternate timeline in order to force him to remember it. <3
#i enjoyed thinking about this so much i wrote a novel with All My Thoughts sorry sdfsdfs#tim drake#dick grayson#somewhat tangential but as i was writing this i was thinking about zahri's post#about how different types of stories offer different kinds of emotional payoffs#and i think for me for dick and tim the main two payoffs are:#1) someone who sees & understands your grief for deaths that will never get fixed or get better#and who will face your ghosts with you EVEN WHEN you're also mad at each other#2) someone who you look at and you see all the ways that you suck & he's better & you're a loser who's failed him etc etc#but it turns out that you're wrong. that you're good enough. not that none of the failures were real or that they were all in your head#but it turns out that it's okay that you didn't always immediately do or feel the right thing#and it's okay that you weren't perfect. you can fuck up six thousand ways & everything you did right will still matter#not because of making excuses or allowances or somebody pityingly trying to make you feel better#but because in the end the things you did right are just Genuinely More Valuable than anything you did wrong#all the times you tried & everything that you tried to give - everything you think wasn't good enough - it was.#IN OTHER WORDS they are both convinced they're not good enough & they are both wrong <3#anyway dick and tim are both INCREDIBLY SIMILAR and also CONSTANTLY misreading each other and i love that for them#and like. they will sometimes totally misread each other & then never figure out the part that they misunderstood#but then they manage to keep going anyway. we love each other on purpose <333#ask tag#dick&tim
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The Rebirth B-Team that we deserved...
#i'll never stop being mad about what they did to my boy wedge............... >:(((#AHEM anyway. little minor redesigns to fit with rebirth biggs!#it's the subtle things that count. like letting zack show off those sexy sexy shoulders.#wedge took one of his pauldrons off because that's what cloud did and he thinks that cloud is cool and awesome and amazing and badass#idea: cloud gets shot in the jenova injection site in his arm and it destroys the parasite before it can spread.........#still dealing with the mako poisoning though. plus relearning how to do literally anything after being in a coma for a couple of years#gave him a rifle bc he's a good shot!! and also because i think the rocking chair grandma with a shotgun vibe is SUPER important for him#it's about that country boy thang.#ffvii#cloud strife#zack fair#wedge ff7#wedge#biggs ff7#jessie rasberry#my art <3#not pictured yet: kunsel and cissnei dlc where they team up to rescue sonon from deepground 🤔
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rockstar!abby who’s OBSESSED with putting you into her art
her two most popular and scandalous art pieces include her second album cover being of you bending over the bed in just a pair of underwear and a tee shirt with her band's name on the back. the other one is the secret audio of you moaning hidden underneath a very hot song about sex. only the real fans (and/or the perverts) know about that one
the most wholesome is a voicemail you left her when she left for the first tour after you guys met. it’s only at the end of the song but it’s soppy enough to make a girl cry and yearn for a relationship like yours
#rockstar!abby#rockstar!abby and reader did the 3 day date thing lesbians do#and that was all it took#abby anderson x reader#abby brainrot era#mads’ headcanons#i need to be dominated by rockstar!abby 🫣
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