#made this when i was procrastinating from writing btw

[ineffabildaddy]

finally speaking my truth

[arandomao3user]

So, I will now make batfam headcannons because I am bored and procrastinating writing again (my readers hate me, I know it) and so I present:

How each Bat kid handles food, specifically sharing / wasting food. (with fanon because fandom runs on fanon--) This is all based off my own family, btw.

Starting with Dick: He has no problem eating random food he found lying out, food is food, and he isn't fond of wasting food. (This often leads to him getting yelled at for "stealing" food, but he is the eldest and a firm believer in finders keepers.) This also includes members of the JL, Titans, et cetra... He has licked drugs off the ground, what do you want from him?

Jason will absolutely not waste food under any circumstance, if you waste food in his presence you better expect a scolding because "CHILDREN ARE DYING, TIM!" he is also the guy who donates half his kitchen. Weekly. Because he has this habit of over buying and over stocking his kitchen and doesn't realize till he gets home and tries to put everything away, only to realize he bought to much BUT THE STORE HAD GOOD BUY AND GET ONES, DAMMIT! But he doesn't share food or eat food off others plates UNLESS he likes that person.

Sure, he'll snatch food off Bruce's plate before telling him he despises him, same for Tim, but they both have observed him enough to know he won't even touch the food at a gala because rich people hands? Ew.

Cassandra sneaks into Tim's apartment for food, she sneaks into Bab's apartment for food, she will steal food without a single care in the world. Jason just went grocery shopping? She's stealing those chips she likes. Damian left a salad on the counter? Hers now. She doesn't mean to steal it, it's just that before she was even adopted she did this, and she isn't stopping now. Similar to Jason, she won't steal it unless she likes the person, and even then it has to be her family, and only those she calls family.

Tim is an absolute menace, he'll make food then decide he doesn't want it AFTER HE ALREADY MADE IT and then goes out of his way to find someone else to eat it, he is the reason Alfred the cat, Titus, and Ace are gaining weight and Damian could kill him for it because they're on specific diets. But Tim does not care, because he has been yelled at by Jason so many times about wasting food that he simply has to give his food to someone. This makes Dick and Tim also have a symbiotic relationship.

(Dick, minding his own business, literally doing anything:

Tim, walking up to him with a plate of food, either half eaten or still warm, or cold because he made it and forgot about it hours ago:

Dick, not caring at all, taking the plate and eating it, because food is food:)

But Tim will under no circumstance do the same. He will not eat or even touch another persons plate because he is missing a spleen and has seen Dick stick his hands in drugs and LICK THEM, he has seen Damian pet a cow with his bare hands, he has seen Stephanie forget to wash her hands before cooking. Tim does love his family, but they are riddled with disease and Tim can't risk that. He won't even leave his drinks unattended around them because he has paranoia that they'll try to drug him. Damian brought him coffee one time and he dumped it out in front of the kid, because he will NOT be caught slacking.

Duke doesn't really understand his siblings food dynamic thing they got going, it's so incredibly confusing trying to figure out their weird food rules. He tries to understand them all, piece it all together, he makes LISTS and NOTES trying to understand, but he just can't grasp it. So, when he makes food, he either makes the exact amount he knows he'll eat so he doesn't waste any, or he makes enough for everyone to have some, because what do you mean Dick just steals everyone's food? If Jason's over is he gonna scold him if he wastes a single crumb? Cass just... Waits till you're not looking? Duke never did waste food before, but now he thinks it might be a literal crime if he does it in Wayne manor, despite them being rich.

He also sneaks food to Alfred the cat and the dogs, but he'll continue to let Tim take the blame on it all.

Damian, similarly to Tim, is paranoid about others feeding him, sure his body isn't affected by most poisons or toxins after growing up where he grew up, but he will also not be caught slacking. Does he waste food? No. He feeds it to Bruce and Bruce alone. Nobody else is allowed to eat after him except his Father. He will NOT have his DNA stolen, because again, he is as paranoid as Tim and Bruce and has met Kon.

This took a while for him to even accept food from Alfred, and he refuses to eat Bruce's cooking for different reasons (that man can't cook), and he is still reluctant to accept Jason's cooking, but outside Alfred and Jason? Damian will not be touching, looking, or eating it.

Stephanie gives no f*cks. She'll eat after any of them, she used to straight up steal Tim's food when they dated, like order a salad and when it came to the table she changed her mind and swapped hers and Tim's plates. Now she does the same with Cass, only Cass has learnt by now what Stephanie actually wants, then when the food gets to the table, she swaps them herself. As for wasting food? She feeds it to stray cats, or if she's at the manor, she'll feed it to Titus, Ace, and Alfred the cat right in front of Damian. They both agree to blame Tim.

(Steph: I want a burger.

Cass: No. You want a hotdog and fries.

Steph: Pfft, I think I know what I wanna eat, Cass.

-later-

Steph:

Cass:

Steph: So--

Cass, already swapping their plates around, giving Steph her hotdog and fries: I know.)

BONUS:

Bruce, while raising Dick, straight up handed him his plate if he caught him looking at it, and said he was allowed to eat whatever he found lying around. This results in Dick eating leftover, week old Batburger off the car floor, and he tries to correct himself, but the day he hears that Dick licked drugs off the literal ground, he realizes he messed up. Severely.

Bruce still donated food weekly even after Jason died, and would forget Tim wasn't Jason and push his plate toward Tim whenever he ate over at the manor, expecting him to steal some of whatever he was eating, and made sure to buy Jason's favorite foods even after he died. Bruce never touched them himself, but he was slightly suspicious when they randomly started going missing years later (cue Cass in the shadows--)

Bruce, before adopting Tim, would be so confused when Tim randomly handed him plates of food, half eaten, just cooked, or cold, and he walked away. Bruce soon realized it was because Tim noticed he'd lost weight after Jason's death but didn't wanna directly confront him about it. Bruce appreciated it. But it later became second nature for Tim to randomly make food, then forget why he made it, or he made it and simply wasn't hungry but felt the need to find someone to eat it.

Bruce semi-panics when Damian later comes along and randomly hands him food, insisting he and he only can eat it, before walking away. Turns out Bruce is just the chosen one.

Bruce hates going out to eat with Stephanie-- she steals his food, the entire plate, every time. But he does it anyways, because Cass also comes along and Stephanie makes her ask Bruce every single time, and Bruce can't say no to Cass.

Bruce eats after all his children, he's at the point he doesn't even look to see who's handing him it, he simply takes the plate, bowl, or whatever, and eats it, because Tim will still seek him and hand him food, Damian will do the same, Jason uses him as a taste tester, Dick once handed him a weed brownie to see if he'd eat it. He did. Without any thought behind those eyes...

[neil-gaiman]

Hi Neil,

How the fuck do I start my story? I have an idea, a characters, I know their relationships and politics of the world and traditions and why certain races don't like each other, I have it all, the world is so real I could live in it. And I don't know how to start telling this story because there's so much threads and so many things to say and so complicated world to present to the reader. I've been reading all this advice about not infodumping a reader and not telling everything at once, how to start a story, how to stop procrastinating... But I still don't know and it's getting me more and more frustrated to the point of crying, because it's such a great story with cool characters and plot twist and complications and it would awesome to tell it but I'm afraid I'll screw it up...I don't know what to do really so I thought I would ask you because I adore you as a writer and a person.

Thanks,

Really Desperate Girl From Across The World

(btw Coraline made my childhood I literally dyed my hair really similar colour to hers)

Start telling the story of the person you, as an author and as a person, care about. Stories are like circles: you can start them anywhere. When you've finished you might write a whole new beginning. But start where you care the most about who you care the most, and have the, want things, and see where it takes you.

[faegutz]

im so feral for ghost with a choking kink rn pls begging you to think about him choking the reader until they basically see planets

ghost with a choking kink ☆ 18+ pairing: simon ghost riley x gn! reader

authors note: ANON... 🤭 YOU MADE ME SO FERAL WITH THIS ASK OMG- i was so giddy while writing this, i hope you enjoy <3 sorry for the lateness btw im such a procrastinator

tags: choking, praise, degradation, porn without plot, no genotals described for reader, no pronouns used for reader

"You're doing so good for me," Simon had whispered, his teeth nipping at the skin on your neck while he teasingly rocked his hips into you.

Grunts and moans broke out through the otherwise silent room - apart from the occasional sound of skin slapping.

Simon stared intensely down at you, eyes flickering around your face; watching every pleasure filled expression you made.

His hands, although rough, softly caressed your skin as he fucked you. He started to pound into you faster and his hand trailed its way up to your neck, rubbing the skin there before he wrapped his hand fully around it.

Simon watched for your reaction to his movement, making sure he didnt cross a line - and when your eyes looked up at him needily, he knew you didnt mind.

His fingers pressed down skillfully on your neck, his grip tightening as his hips stuttered while fucking into you. His thrusting only got faster when he choked you, making your eyes roll back and having you practically see stars.

"Look like such a fucking slut right now," he had practically growled out as he repeatedly hit your sweet spot - hand staying tightly on your neck.

He let go after a few seconds, allowing you to take a deep breath and basically pant for air. His cock twitched at the sight of you looking all fucked out and out of breath.

"Let's do that again, yeah?"

[p1a9u3]

PeepHole Ch.1: Moving Day

Masterpost Ch.1 - Ch.2 Pairing: Dylan Matthews x Fem Oc

Rating: 18+ (mdni)

Genre: Neighbors/Strangers to Lovers, Smut, Angst, Fluff, Slow-burn

Summary: Moving isn't as exciting as Amoya thought, plus she may have pissed off her new neighbor.

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: (This story takes place in 2024) Mental illness (anxiety, ocd), Violent intrusive thoughts, Language, Age gap (5years), Using phone while driving

Status: Unedited

Author note: This is the first fic that I've ever posted, I've written before but I've never finished anything and published it so don't tear me to shreds, please. I chose to make an oc instead of just writing as a reader mainly because I made a whole character in my head before I wrote this so I decided to just make her an oc, if you would like a post going more into this oc of mine feel free to ask (I might post it anyway because I like her), there is no smut in this chapter btw. Please give me feedback and suggestions, constructive criticism, etc. Don't be a bitch about it though...please. I'm thinking of making this a series POSSIBLY, but I procrastinate a lot so that may never happen. To my fellow troublemakers hopefully, I do Dylan justice and my writing is at least a little bit accurate to his personality. Still, to be fair I'm a fairly new troublemaker having only found out about this man a few weeks ago, so if something isn't accurate please correct me...politely. He's become my new hyper fixation so when I saw there aren't really any fics about him I decided I should make my own so here we are. Anyway with that being said Enjoy <3. Update: Dylan is barely in this chapter

Monday, February 26, 2024 Time: 8:30AM Moving out was less relieving than you thought it would be. Having been by your mother's side for almost all your life, you'd gotten comfortable always having someone around.

'You can't live with your parents forever'

People would remind you whenever the topic of anyone's living situation would be brought up. Being twenty-seven and still living with your mother wasn't something you wanted to keep telling people, no one would take you seriously. Though your mother never pushed for you to move out, never mentioned it actually. You think you know why. You never say anything though, so you deal with the slight embarrassment, and ignore the judgmental stares you get whenever someone brings it up.

'They don't know our relationship'

More excuses you make up to justify your obstinance; and to mask the anxiety you're feeling as finish up packing your U-Haul. You had finished packing your stuff from your shared apartment and were now finishing the few boxes you had in storage. Now in the elevator mustering up the strength to carry the last two boxes back down to the truck. Grabbing the lock you had left on the floor, you place it on top of one of the boxes and stack the box onto the second one, bending down and lifting with a soft grunt. Long strides carrying you to the elevator, you push the down button with your foot. The doors open soon after, you step inside setting the boxes down as you push the bottom floor and wait. Pushing off the wall as the doors open you pick up the boxes once again, you quickly load them up into the U-Haul before grabbing the padlock from on top of the box, and then heading to the front desk of the storage building.

"Here, the unit is clean and empty." You smile at the woman as she takes the lock and keys with a thank you.

Turning on your heels you walk back to your U-Haul giving everything a once-over before locking it all up, now turning your attention to the hitch attached to the back of the Truck where your precious car is hitched too. It was a black and cherry red 1993 Nissan 240SX with a red interior, you had seen it while driving with your mom past a repair shop when you were 25, back then it had no windshield or wheels. You won't lie and say you fixed it yourself but you did invest all the money you had at that time to fix it up and color it how you wanted; you still would say it was worth it. Checking the hitch and chains attached to the bottom of the car making sure everything was set and ready.

"Everything looks good?" Your mother said making you jump

"Yah! A warning ma, please! And yes everything looks good, I packed up the last two boxes and returned the keys and lock to the front desk while you were in the bathroom." You let out a breath calming your heart from the scare you just had, your mom snickering next to you. You turn to her rolling your eyes playfully as you walk to the front of the truck, your mom following behind you.

"Good, let's get on the road." Your mom hops into the passenger seat and rolls down the window. "I wanna get home by Wednesday."

You climb into the driver's seat, buckling your seatbelt then checking your mirrors. You two had agreed on driving to your new apartment, taking turns every 5 hours, once you got there she'd help you unload and unpack on Tuesday, and your mom would then fly back to New Orleans on Wednesday. The more you think about it the more you feel yourself panic a bit.

"Okay."

Time: 9:00AM Starting the car, you let out a breath putting the car in drive and pulling out of the parking lot of the storage building. You could tell your mom was trying to keep herself calm by the way she would rub her right thigh with her right hand, it was a nervous tick she passed down to you. Unfortunately, you were just as nervous, so you decided to turn on the playlist you and your mom made while eating the night before, mixes of all kinds of genres put into one playlist to keep you both entertained during the drive. Pulling off the main road and merging onto the freeway, you glance over to your mom to see her smiling wide looking back at you. She has that look in her eyes, you know it well.

"Its happening ma." You smile back at your mom then look back to the road

Your mother places her hand on your thigh, letting out a long sigh and a soft squeeze before returning it back to her own lap. You see her wipe a single tear from your peripheral; you don't acknowledge it. She'll start bawling the second you tell her not to cry. So you pretend not to see it and start singing along to Erykah Badu, your mom turns the music up a bit and starts singing along too. You smile to yourself as you glance out your side window, watching as familiar buildings pass by in a blur, You think you'll miss this place. No, you know you will, but a part of you is kinda excited, relieved almost. You've silently always longed to live on your own, but another part of you calls you selfish for even wanting that until now

'How could want to leave your mother'

You know it's normal to want to move out of your parent's home, every grown adult has to move out at some point, and twenty-seven is a perfectly normal age to do so, You wanted to move when you were twenty-four. Hell, some people live with their parents till they are far in their thirties.

'But you know your mother may need you right'

All your brothers have moved out, they are doing good on their own, and you're the only one left. It was only a matter of time; you tell yourself. Your mom will be fine, she's dating a new man who treats her great and takes care of her. Hell he tried to hire a moving crew to move all your stuff, but you wanted to do it yourself and your mom wasn't going to let you drive almost halfway across the country by yourself.

'you could've found a place closer to her you know'

Phoenix, Arizona. You chose Phenix simply because it was affordable for you and close to LA, your mom agreed it was a good choice. There is work in LA, California is just so expensive, so you chose the next best thing. The apartment is nice from what you saw as well, one bedroom, two baths with a study. It was perfect for you.

Time: 11:23AM The drive was going well so far, your mother eating a bag of chips she packed along with all the other snacks and drinks. You were eating a Honeybun, one of your favorite snacks, and drinking water. Your mom had turned off the music and started watching YouTube with mostly commentary so you could listen and drive, Right now a video was playing talking about some ice cream drama in North Dakota. Author note: if you watched this video featuring Dylan is in Trouble, I know it's technically in the future but I don't care, this is all fake anyway. You found it interesting and kinda funny, laughing every now and then when your mom would pause to add her opinion. About two-thirds of the way into the video you glance down at the screen, there are two guys now instead of one, and one of them is wearing glasses, you glance back down looking at the title of the video 'Insane Local Ice Cream Shop Drama (w/ Dylan Is In Trouble)' You made a mental note of the second guy's name for later, his voice was nice you told yourself, he was also fine as fuck. You leaned your seat back as far as it would go, which wasn't very far, getting comfortable. You still have two more hours left to drive.

Time: 12:35PM Your mom had fallen asleep about ten minutes ago, YouTube was still playing, The next video had been the same guy as before. You looked down for a second, looking at the title of the video that had been playing for about fifteen minutes. 'Guessing Finales After ONE Episode (ft. Dylan Is In Trouble)' You smile to yourself a bit recognizing the name at the end of the title, you let the video play just listening to the guy talk for ten more minutes. You caught yourself smiling again when you recognized the second guy's voice as he joined in for the rest of the video, you took a sip of your water glancing down at the video, seeing him pop on screen whenever he had something to say

"he's funny." You mutter to yourself quietly, thinking out loud.

The video had ended and your lips fell back into their original position, as an ad played before the next queued-up video, you looked down at your GPS. 1322 miles to go; you let out a sigh.

'200 miles closer to leaving you mom'

She was helping you unpack, so you technically wouldn't be leaving her really. If anything she was leaving you since she had to fly back home. You prop your left elbow on the open window, your left hand holding the steering wheel, and your right hand comes down to your thigh, rubbing small circles back and forth.

'What happens if Devon goes back home'

Your oldest brother Devon was working at a mental facility. He was on his medication and was doing good, he managed to get a job there and has been making decent money. He was doing fine, He is doing fine.

'What if he stops taking his medication again.'

They will keep tabs on him, they know his habits, his symptoms, He is fine.

'Has another episode and gets out'

That wouldn't happen. He's fine

'He'll be there when mom gets back'

No.

"Hes gonna ki-'

-beep! beep! beep!-

Time: 2:00PM Your mom's alarm goes off, making you jump a bit. Reaching over to turn it off, your mom moans a bit as she wakes up from her short nap, stretching her arms a bit as she yawns.

"Jeste li spremni za promjenu." she yawns out, going for a sip of her water ( translation: Are you ready to switch)

Your mother's Croatian tends to slip when she's just woken up, or delirious. You nod your head looking at the next exit sign to find a gas station, spotting a Love's off the side of the freeway. Slipping off the freeway you pull up to the gas station before parking next to a pump.

"Bathroom?" You look over at your mom, she nods, unbuckling her seatbelt and hopping out of the truck, you do the same.

You both enter opposing stalls to relieve yourselves of all the water you had been drinking, washing your hands after. Your mother heads back to the truck to pump the gas as you browse the aisles for any extra snacks, spotting a honeybun you instinctively grab one, then two, and head to the cashier. You place your honeybuns on the counter and then look up at the cashier who seems to be invested in something on her phone, she wasn't wearing headphones phone volume at maybe thirty percent, you could hear what she was watching. You recognize the voice, the cashier finally looks up from her phone quickly apologizing for not paying attention.

"Oh I'm so sorry, will this be all" She quickly rings up the two honeybuns.

"No you're fine, that'll be it actually." You dismissively wave your hand pulling out your wallet to pay.

Looking down you notice her phone, she had put it on the counter, and the video on it had been paused but on the screen was that guy again, though it seemed to be a video of his own this time. You pull out some cash and hand it to the young woman behind the counter, she takes the cash, counts it, and then goes to get your change.

"No, it's fine, keep the change" Flashing a smile then grabbing your honeybuns you take another glance at the women's screen before it turns off from being left alone for too long.

Opening the passenger seat door, you climb into the seat buckling yourself in. Pulling out of the gas station your mom pulls off back onto the freeway continuing your journey. You pull out the bag you had brought for little activities, pulling out your book of choice. You had splurged at a Barnes and Noble a few weeks before you began packing, picking up a bunch of books you had either heard good things about or had been wanting to read. Red Rising was one of the books, it was also the one you were currently holding.

"I'm gonna put my headphones on, so you can listen to whatever you want." You tell your mom as you put your headphones on and pull out your phone.

You had gotten the book on Audible a while back and wanted to read and listen at the same time. Pressing play you turn to the first chapter and begin reading as the narrator spoke. Your mom seemed to have put music on, you could feel the bass as she turned up the volume and began singing along.

Time: 10:56PM Hours had passed, it was your turn now with two hours left till your next switch. Your mother was knocked out, lightly snoring as you drove in silence, you had stopped reading once you had switched. You also decide to put off reading it until you were moved in, the book had grabbed your attention, so much so, that you wanted to be able to focus on it solely; so you chose to wait. You had a couple hundred miles left to go and things were sinking in more as you drove silently. Your mind doing its usual thing, making you worry about things that most likely won't happen, even if it did, you know it wouldn't be your fault. You couldn't help but think maybe it would be though, it was a dumb thought but you couldn't help it

'What was that guys name again'

Your brain blanked for a second, random but ok, your brain goes back to the YouTube video your mom had been watching, that cashier was watching him as well. Dylan is in Trouble, you wonder what kind of videos he makes, most likely commentary. You pull your phone out glancing down and go to YouTube, you use the voice to text and hold your phone up to your mouth.

"Dylan is in trouble"

You press search, going back and forth between looking at your phone and watching the road. You look down to find his channel, press his icon, and scroll through some of his videos. Movie commentary is what you mostly see, occasionally you'd spot something different, you decided you'd dive into his channel later when you weren't driving.

Time: 5:00AM You were in the driver's seat, you had let your mom sleep more after she had been driving for about three hours. She was up now though, you could tell things were starting to catch up to her again. She was fidgeting a lot more now, well so were you, she looked very tense. She helped you find this apartment, but you assume she wants to see the neighborhood for herself, in person, wants to see how good the security is and what the neighbors are like. It's only natural, she's a mother and her only daughter is moving twenty hours away from her. You look down at your phone, your GPS says you are pulling up now, you look around the area, it was very nice, wasn't too far from the city. You spot the complex to the left, it was pretty big with multiple sections with apartments, you were building three, kind of in the middle of everything. You pull into the complex parking in front of the leasing office to speak to your landlord and to get your keys, your mom comes with you of course, sizing everything up.

"Hi welcome to Arts District Apartments, it's Amaya correct, my name is George?" An old-looking man stands from his desk, his hand reaching out to shake yours

"Thank you, George, it's Amoya actually" You reach out and shake his hand with a smile.

You two talk a bit about the complex and its rules etc. Your mom chimed in every now and then to ask her questions. Before you know it you're unloading the truck into your new apartment, you're realizing now that you didn't have as much stuff as you thought. The last thing you had left was your bed, you and your mom had been doing well with just the two of you, but after you two had gotten the mattress inside your mother's back began to bother her. Now you had your bed frame, you told your mom to relax for now and that you could get the frame up yourself. Partial lie, you previously took apart the bed frame and so there were mainly long pieces that weren't too heavy except the backboard, that thing was heavy as fuck, luckily you had a dolly at the storage building to help you carry it out, but now you have to carry it to the elevator and down the hall. You managed to get it down from the truck, and from there you lifted it and sped walked to the elevator, almost dropping the bed frame on your foot as you set it down to push the button. The doors had closed on you twice as you tried to pick the frame back up and lift it into the elevator, but alas you made it, now on the third floor and outside the elevator. You took pride in your body, you considered yourself strong, regularly went to the gym, and you would say your legs were the strongest part of your body, with that being said, you tried to make as little noise as possible since it was still early in the morning, you lost your footing. You were almost there, your door being right in front of you; but you fell. Landing on the door behind you hitting your head with a very loud thud.

"Bumbo." You whisper yelled at yourself in Jamaican as you set the frame down and leaned off of the door. (translation: Fuck)

Holding the frame upright you walk around it reaching for your door, the frame slipping from your fingers and falling against your neighbor's door again. You prayed that your new neighbor was either a very deep sleeper or wasn't home right now, though maybe you didn't pray hard enough. You lift the bed frame from your neighbor's door, getting your phone to get your mom to hold the door open for you so you can slide it the rest of the way inside. Stopping, you hear the door behind you click open. Your bed frame blocked your view of whoever had stepped out, but you could hear him.

Ch.1 - Ch.2

Updated Author note: Hopefully this was an enjoyable first chapter or part. The apartment is just a random apartment complex I saw on Zillow, everything in this is all fictional besides the YouTube videos and things that are obviously real. Anyway, I have decided to make this a series, I've gone into too much detail on little things like Amoya's intrusive thoughts and all that, and it'd be a waste to shorten and delete half of what I put and speed through everything, Amoya's intrusive thoughts and anxiety is a trait I added from myself, so you'll notice a lot of internal thinking and scenarios she makes up in her head. Hopefully, the idea is as cool as what I thought of in my head. If this does well, I will upload the other chapters one after the other, If it does bad I'll just delete everything, but please be patient I procrastinate a lot and I want the writing to be good. Please be honest and let me know how you all feel about this, if you like the writing, the main character, the pacing, the storyline, length, anything, and everything, I need criticism but don't be a bitch about it.

[cxffecoupx]

✧˖*°࿐ 2024 tumblr wrapped

as this year comes to an end, and we revisit the memories it brought, it's only appropriate that we go through this past year in this account. thankfully, i was tagged by @monamipencil in her tumblr wrapped post, which gave me the motivation to make this post (which i otherwise would have procrastinated on) that gives me the opportunity to share a glance at this year in writing.

before we get into it, i wanna take a moment to thank everyone from the bottomest pit of my little heart: followers; fellow creators who I always look up to; every anon who's sent me an ask, even if it's just to ramble; everyone who's read any of my work and who's shown love to them. what this account is right now, is all because of your support and love. so really, i love you with every single living cell in my body.

for some basic details:

this account was created on may 14 (counting the day of the first post), so it's been 232 days of cxffecoupx!

as of the moment i'm writing this, we have 762 followers — a truly huge family indeed!

i've posted 40 works (crazy to even think about that??)

made 326 posts all together (i do yap a lot).

made a few really good friends...

...and also realised i would like to post even more in the coming year

for someone as inconsistent as me, i sure feel very surprised at the performance this year (you can actually see how low I'd expected of myself lol), and i'm so so grateful to y'all for all your love.

now, for some post specific stats:

again, i've posted 40 works this year.

top fic of 2024 — [11:18 pm]; seungcheol × reader; 2k notes.

longest fic — realising they're in love with you; ot13 × reader; 1.4k words. here for you; joshua × reader; 1.4k words .

personal fav — (you can't make me choose btw my babies >:(!!) what 2 am with them looks like; ot13 × reader. cheol as a girl dad; seungcheol × reader.

top member — seungcheol (very biased, i know).

total word count of 2024 — (idk i need my laptop to check ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ; will update soon tho).

this is all about my writing and works. again, i would like to thank every single one of you who's taken even a little time out to read any of it; i seriously cannot express it enough, i really really mean it.

using this section to dedicate some special thanks and extra love to a few people:

@simpxxstan — no amount of words would be enough to thank you. for all the times you've patiently listened to my rants and silliest ideas. for every time you've approached me to share your own thoughts because that just makes me feel soo loved. for all the times you've supported and encouraged me, not just for all the caratlife related stuff, but also personal problems and struggles. for helping me get through this semester of master's while you were going through it yourself. if i could invent a new word to convey all the gratefulness i have towards you, i'd gladly use that right now.

@seungcheorry — one of the reasons cxffecoupx is what it is today. if it weren't for your support and guidance, i'd still be using my personal account and there would be no cxffecoupx. and although it all started like that, you've only continued to show your kindness by your ongoing support and love, even during difficult times for you. please know that i'll always be here for you to reach out to. always.

@wonuumelody — the first friend i made here. the first person who messaged me to tell me how much she liked my very first post. literally gave me all the more reason to keep posting, because if not for anyone else, then atleast for her. thank you so much for your kind words that day; it still keeps me going.

@ylangelegy — where do i even begin with kae? i found the account through a coincidence and it's been such a rollercoaster ride for me since then. tbh, i look up to them as someone i'd like to use as my guiding light when things get rough. when i feel like the words i write do not look pretty, they're always the first to show me that they are. and that it more than enough at the time for me. my personal cheerleader, know that i'm always at the bleachers, cheering you on too.

@monamipencil — this is such a whiplash for me because this person was someone i used to look up to since the beginning of my cxffecoupx days,,, and then one day she interacted with my posts???? ris starstruck moment fr because i could not believe my eyes. so this will forever remain a core memory for me. truly.

@hearts4hansol — ofc i need to mention my secret santa, the one who kept me so entertained this whole month of december and gifted me something so so special that it'll remain in a part of my mind and heart for as long as cxffecoupx exists. i want to apologise again for all the messages i haven't replied to yet, and also thank you for all the silent support you've given me 'anonymously'.

@mejaemin — my only nct moot here. she has a special place in the neon green section of my heart. i love you so so much.

plus a few other people i'm sure to have left out. please don't feel i've forgotten, because someway or another, i'm grateful for your love and your part in showing support that has given me fuel to keep going on. this also goes to all the anons who've sent in their requests (including those i havent yet responded to; i see them everyday and i will most definitely get to them).

resolutions for next year?

write more — seriously. even though i feel like 40 works for half of the year seemed surprising to me, i do hope to be able to post some good stuff i can feel proud of. it's a bit difficult, but i'll try my best to reach there.

work through the requests and drafts — i have around 10-15 requests in the inbox, and nearly 30-40 little drafts (one-liners mostly, a brief clue about the idea i jotted down earlier). i would LOVE to be able to work through those and finish them up. that would honestly be so satisfying omg.

as a sidenote to the previous two resolutions, i would like to finish winter wonderland — by posting the remaining two drabbles. i know i've been pushing it for too long now, and i hate it as much as you do, honestly. so i would love to get that done first tbvh.

interact more — come across more writing blogs and make more moots. it's always fun to talk to someone (i am like this only on the net). this would also allow me to read more variety of stories and possibly learn something from them.

on a personal note — do well academically, make more friends, (hopefully) find new love, travel and explore more... might add more to this bingo card.

with this, we reach the end of my 2024 tumblr wrapped (ended up a little too long, pardon). thank you so much for this opportunity to let me take a glance back at this year, to learn from my mistakes and do better next time.

(not really tagging anyone because 2024 is almost over now, but if she's up to it, then i'd love to see @simpxxstan do it + anyone else who's interested, (i'm a little nosy and) would love to see it!!)

the time here is 23:45.

signing off as cxffecoupx of 2024.

see you on the other side.

happy new year! i love y'all <3

[yanci-indigo]

If you read this, I just want to let you all know that I'm alive and well.

I won't be active as much from now on since college is getting more serious, and I want to focus on my studies first before this blog. Maybe I'll drop some few artworks when I have free time. A surprise, maybe? More like a process for my future project. You can check on my previous artworks if it piques your interest!

Speaking of future project, I also want to add that I'm currently working on my own Lackadaisy fancomic with all of my OCs and without association with the canon characters. I'm not sure for the title but "Infested" is that one title I could think of. This self-proclaimed project is a heavy boulder to carry since I have to study lots of topics such as art fundamentals, story plot writing, aesthetics (architecture and fashion), history, crimes, social issues, and so on. It might take a few years but I won't stop until I finish this!

All the yapping aside, thank you so much for all the interactions for the past few months, you besties really made my day everyday!!! And you also inspire me to still cling on my childhood hobby, and now the artist kid is now happy!

Love y'all!!!

~🧊

--------------------------------------------------

Edit : I have a side blog btw just in case you didn't know. Side blog is @blue-iced-tea !!!

~ ✿

--------------------------------------------------

Another one: You might be surprised on how I just resurrected from the dead after a day or two. It's either I'm procrastinating or I have nothing much to do aside from studying. Or maybe I'm on break rn. Also no idea why I typed this.

~ ✿

[max05nb]

Day 19:

(masterpost)

Here's Scott redesign/my take on his design, Unlike El's this one is actually quite different than the card design, I took a lot of inspo from Pinterest necromancers and other artist who drawn his design, I tried to combine elements from everything to make it mine, hope you guy love it as much as I!

There was a lot of experimenting with him (I figured out the shocking fact that he in fact doesn't have straight hair most likely) and the pose do not make sense (Idk what I was thinking) but I'm happy with the results!

I included more color variety, white lilies on the hat representing Milo and I kinda made the belt have eyes, idk if you can see it or nah

He also has his little gecko friend! That I kid you not spent at least half an hour searching for his name just to come up empty handed... Did he not name them?? Did I just miss it?? Idk

Just to show how smart decision go into these, the reason why he doesn't have the Loincloth (I spent 10 minutes looking for the name of it) is because it's annoying to draw in a siting position. Specifically in the sitting position I usually draw him. Yeah that's it I'm just to lazy to figure out gravity so nahh

Also you see how my designs lack patterns that were my favorite parts from the card designs? Yeah I'm just too lazy to draw them, I know, not very cutesy nor demure of me '^'

Random add ons: I added a another skull, now he has a skull on his hat. Couldn't decide on nose, went with how I'm feeling at the time of drawing. I drawn the wand that turns him into a ghost and drawn two options for a broom, I went with the second opinion btw. I can't get over the fact not even his is straight, the skin has a hair style much closer to wavy almost definitely not straight like how I thought. Should have known, Scott is as close to straight as a circle.

I was debating his earrings a lot, I wanted him to have multiple but couldn't figure out what type. Btw here's lore I made up on a wimp he definitely got his earrings from Milo and never takes them off because of that as it was a gift for his birthday or something. This is now canon to the comic I'm making. Was it important not? But I'm writing this post at 1am because I procrastinate.

He would make it into Edna's nightmares from Incredibles with all the lose fabric he has on most possible designs, he even got a cape in the final one, he's asking to be suck into a plane propellers.

Making this design also made me discover a new artist, so funny story, my phone was broken so I couldn't really use it to listen to music so I used my sister's laptop, I also used that for ref pic btw, and the laptop is logged into her account. I didn't want to mess up her YouTube history and was too lazy to log in the try to log out of my Google account so I opened up incognito, I typed in YouTube and searched "necromancer playlist" and let the ai do it's thing. I'm not kidding when I say this, you can check it for yourself, the second playlist is literally called "playlist for the non binary necromancers" like it was made for me specifically xd Btw really good compilation kudos to whoever made it! Anyway the new artist I found is Bear Ghost, specifically recommend Necromancin dancin and Starkiller.

[spacesymbol]

heyyyyy. crazy month and a half, am i right? 😅

my sincerest apologies for the truckload of reblogs.... plus even more sincere apologies if i reblogged a very old post of yours that you forgot about 😭

ive had those sitting in my drafts for a WHILE so that they wouldnt get drowned in my likes.... but i have some weird mental hangup about posting here without also posting a Life Update..... but i kept procrastinating actually writing a Life Update..... so here we are!!

anyways. that being said. LIFE UPDATE TIME!!!!! (no cut since theres actually some very important stuff in here)

first and somewhat foremost, i submitted SEVEN college applications exactly a month ago. for context, my entire applying list (as of right now) is only nine schools. and i procrastinated SO HARD on the application materials.... it was soooo bad. basically mid october to early november was the most stressed i have ever felt in recent memory 😁👍 and i coped with it soooo well, as i historically always do (sarcasm)

the fall play(s) also recently came and went!!! the rehearsal process wasnt that bad, it was moreso just anxiety provoking since i was constantly saying "yeah it (the show) will come together eventually" even when opening night was a few days away... but the show(s) did come together!! at least, my two scenes did. i honestly can't speak for anyone else, but my scenes both went fine during all three performances with minor errors, if any

although, the week of performances and the last few days of tech was so very brutal. i had to be in the theater until 8pm or later every single day of that week (november 18th to the 23rd), which meant i was in school for over twelve hours each school day. i had to put a lot of things on the backburner to focus on the show (and not losing my mind) that week, and schoolwork was one of them.... so i am currently once again in overdue assignments hell. my classes have been fine other than that though!!!

my mental, emotional, and physical health also definitely have been on the backburner for a WHILE now.... a wonderful example is how i havent seen my therapist in two months now, and for context, im supposed to see her once a week!!! so im clearly doing fine (sarcasm). its weird though, the play honestly wasnt that distressing for me, since i had already hit mental rock bottom earlier that month because of college applications

my physical health has also Not Been Good at all.... one of my scenes in the play (the gay one) involved a shit ton of stage falls.... and our stage is made of polished wood. we took all the necessary precautions to protect my bad knee (knee pads), but that didnt do much to prevent the ridiculous amount of bruising all over my body that i still have a week after the final show.....

eating has also been Bad. but i wont go into details about that 🫶 ive been able to keep having regular appointments with my dietitian, so genuinely dont worry about that. i will be fine!!

ive also been like. mentally checked out for a while, i guess. like i mentioned, ive been doing some research into dissociative disorders and symptoms to get more clarity on if im a system or not (which i do have an answer on btw), and i think the best term to describe it is depersonalization?

and uh. okay this is actually really important. about the system thing, i came to the conclusion after a LOT of research and self reflection that i do not think i am (or ever was) a plural system. i dont think i should post the entire esaay i wrote on how i came to this conclusion (because i dont think most of you want to read all that). but if any mutuals want, i am MORE than happy to dm the whole explanation, since i know it might raise some eyebrows that i suddenly dont identify that way anymore

however, the tldr is that im pretty sure i have dissociative amnesia instead, because i never once experienced amnesia between the personas that i thought were alters, and these personas were never really that separate from me, moreso extensions of me in terms of personality, if that makes sense. there were also some.... quirks of how my "system" operated that also made me suspicious, like how i was basically always frontstuck, and how my "frequent fronters" ALWAYS aligned with my interests at the time. i honestly think that i only arrived at the conclusion that i was a system in the first place because of the environment i was in at the time (the majority my friends at the time had the system realization and were talking about it), and the fact that no one ever really questioned me being one. which im NOT saying that i wish people had, since thats rightfully a very rude thing to do, but i definitely would have benefited from someone kindly calling all that into question, yknow?

the biggest takeaway though, should be that i didnt know until very recently. there is a world of difference between intentionally lying about being a system, and unknowingly being wrong about being a system. the MOMENT i started to suspect that i was wrong, i made it known here (in the previous Life Update) and on twitter, and i refrained from using any system terminology for myself until i came to a definitive conclusion, which i only did recently. additionally, i recently removed the system section from my pronouns dot cc, and my simplyplural account is still up, but obviously not in use

ummm. other personal updates.... im hopefully going to start legal and medical transition soon?? my stepsister (also trans) has been pushing my mom and stepdad for it as a result of the election, which sparks the conversation for me by extension

as you can probably tell by the majority of the recent reblogs, the release of season 2 reawakened my dormant arcane hyperfixation 😭 it somehow came back even stronger??? if any of you happen to remember my jayvik posting from november 2021, you deserve a spacesymbol elders discount....

what else..... oh um!!!! i had an awesome joe cool (snoopy) costume for halloween this year that i made extremely last minute :)

okay. okay!!!!!!! in terms of the future!!!! im on thanksgiving break right now until this tuesday and the break is Extremely welcome.... the spring musical (aka my final high school theater show) has already been announced, and its curtains, which should be exciting, but i dont have to think about that for a While....

in terms of like Immediately upcoming things, my schools robotics team has our first qualifier coming up so im gonna have to lock in on preparing for that soon.... for college stuff, i should be getting two decisions fairly soon (one from my early decision school and one from a rolling deadlines school), and i have two more applications for early january, but all i really have to do for them is finish writing their supplements..... so HOPEFULLY i should be slightly more active on here??? i feel like every time i say that i end up jinxing myself for inactivity, though. so honestly, who knows!!! but i dont really have as much of a Pressing Reason to not be active here, i guess

thats all.... jesus fuck i wrote a lot. my bad!!! no wonder i procrastinated writing this GODDAMN!!!!

[incalculablepower]

some fics i've liked lately

it's been a weird year. when i made this list of recs back in january i fully intended it to become a monthly thing, but life happened and then i guess it just kept happening. in early 2023 things were ramping up in my new career, i was practicing and playing a lot with my band to prepare for our first show, i was settling into dealing with depression and anxiety with medication, i was getting over a miserable breakup. then i fell in love. i lost my job (the best and most favourite job i've ever had) abruptly this past may. this is my longest period of unemployment since i was a teenager and while you think it would be the best time to lose yourself in fandom, i felt the opposite. fandom was such a lifeline to me when i had a miserable job and was in a bad relationship and needed an escape but i was very present in my own life this summer. i took my partner to visit my family and spent a lot of time with friends and played shows (and recorded some music... shameless self promo once again) and in between i watched so much star trek on my couch. this is such a long preamble to explain why i haven't been fandoming as much lately and why idk if i'll write anything again anytime soon (let's say, once i have a job i want to procrastinate at) but -- i HAVE been reading fic! not as much as before, but i have been, and there's enough for a fic rest list so that's what i'm giving you today. when times are dire [podfic] - @aibidil

drarry. i have such a soft spot for middle aged draco and harry falling in love, the relationships they have with their friends and their grown children. @aibidil reads her own podfics and it's an utter delight. i usually only listen to podfics or audiobooks when i'm doing work around the house but i can going on walks with my headphones just so i could listen to more of this one.

purple haze by @ashesandhackles

romione. i was so so honoured to see this pop up in my ao3 gifts during @thethreebroomsticksfic pride fest this year. it turns the well tread romione ground of shell cottage and the yule ball over a bit, using them as settings to explore a confusing mix of jealousy and sexuality for ron and hermione. ashes knows i love mess with these and it captures that teenage chaos wonderfully, then lets them laugh at it as secure and settled adults.

crookshanks by @ala-baguette

gen. warning that this is a tearjerker, especially if you've ever loved and lost a pet. i think the pure and simple expressions of love and gratitude from crook's pov here would be a comfort to any pet owner.

at some point this year, i got REALLY into the idea of a one-sided dramione. it's hard to look for, especially since it's such a popular ship but i managed to find a few that scratched the itch until i find the time and/or motivation to write one of my own new years eve by 2daughtersofathena, the guardian angel by mylifebelongstothebbc, and a boy of hans by elixirsoflife. the last one being my personal favourite, a grim take on the hanahaki disease trope.

every mother is a grave by witchofimber

this was recced by @whinlatter in @thethreebroomsticksfic discord (btw i feel like no one on my followers lists needs anyone to remind them to read beasts -- but please read beasts) and when i saw "gillian flynn treatment" in the tags i slammed the mark for later button. this is probably the most balanced and realistic portrayals of molly weasley and her role as a mother that i've ever read in hp fic. it's not weasley family fluff but it doesn't devolve into something so flat as bashing either. molly is regular mother with flaws and strengths like anyone else and how they amplify and shift with love and grief and pain and stress and duty and pressure. every single relationship she has with her children is uniquely expressed and the way it ties the past to the direct aftermath of the war is so well done and a great way to organize this giant, messy family. particular care here went into fred and george, giving them their own identities in a way that can be difficult, given the source material. a favourite line:

“Probably have tried to make us name the twins after them.” He stopped laughing, sucked in a breath. “Do you want to?”  For a second she considered it. It would be wonderful, getting to use those names again like living things. But -  “No,” she said. “I - if they were alive, I’d have said no, so I’m saying it now. Let the boys be their own people.”  The truth was that she didn’t want to lose her brothers. To have their faces erased in her memory, painted over with her sons. To have to say no, not THAT Fab, I mean UNCLE Fab - he died before you were born. Anyway, she liked the names Fred and George. It was easier like this. 

the scrunchie by @saintsenara

another fic i've meant to read for ages and finally got around to just yesterday. the background drama of these side characters as a cheap scrunchie from boots floats around them is so perfectly teenage. reminds me of the other series i loved as a teenager around the time HP was coming out: georgia nicolson and gossip girl. i could also compare it to derry girls a little, how despite the environment surrounding them these girls are still being girls, arguing about stupid things and getting crushes on boys and having the absolute most ridiculous blowout fights with your sister (parvati and padma's portrayal here is probably my favourite i've ever read!)

i also can't leave without reccing @saintsenara's wip, one year in every ten. i can't get enough of a good case fic. tomarry/harrymort (both versions of this ship, oddly, apply to this fic) is not something i've ever sought out but i really think the way it's handled here could win over any non-believer. it's sharp and funny in a way that makes it turns into poignancy hit even harder. i screenshotted two full phone screen pages of chapter 27 so i could go back and read them over and over. it might be one of the best things i've ever read from ron's POV (emphasis mine):

It had been a long ten years, with a chair at their table always left empty and a hole in their hearts always unfilled. Grief was exhausting and boring and dully painful, like a slightly sprained ankle which you can still walk on, but which always bothers you a little bit.  But there had been love among the grief. There had been love before the grief - indeed love had caused the grief - and there had been love after. His love for his parents and his siblings had changed, the way wine left in a barrel changes and becomes richer and deeper. There was more sorrow in the love, as he threw a quaffle around with George and saw the tired lines at the corner of his eyes. There was more recrimination, more struggle with the mistakes they had all made in the past, as he finally sat down and had a real chat with mum and dad about how a lifetime of corned-beef sandwiches and maroon jumpers had made him feel. But there was more joy there too. And with joy came forgiveness and understanding and hope and fun.

image used is wildflowers (1915) by tom thomson

[cvupidwrites]

Emalee we need a fic like your recent innie one (I loved it btw 10/10) but y/n taking care of Hyunjin I’m begging it’d be so cute. Maybe when he has the stomach flu too and doesn’t wanna bother y/n cus she’s busy but she catches on and helps him?? 💓💓

omg yes this is such a cute idea 🥹! also thank you for the positive feedback, it means so much to me! if you have any more fic requests fill free to send them to me!

let me know..

sick!hyunjin x reader, implied relationship, pet names like baby, my boy, darling, lovely, MENTION OF VOMITING, CRYING, DEHYDRATION, & BULLYING/HATE

i placed my bag on the back of hyunjins chair and booted up my computer at the desk in his room. waiting for hyunjin would definitely take a while, so i decided to start a university essay iv been procrastinating on. as i sighed and started typing up a draft to base it off, hyunjin walked into the room.. 2 hours earlier than usual.

“well you’re quite early today.” i said softly as i stood up from my seat. “yeah- minho said we did good today so.. we uh, got done early, are you doing a essay?” he looked over my head at my open computer and empty doc. “i was going to start it while i waited for you but since you’re home early..it can wait another day.” he shook his head at me and looked at the bathroom, avoiding the eye contact i tried to make with him. i noticed his body tense up a little and he looked at me for about .1 of a second.

“im going to go shower, go work on your essay, okay? don’t wanna get behind do you, darling?” i shook my head as he turned to me again and gave me a smile. as he walked into the bathroom, i couldn’t help but notice him clutch his stomach just a tiny bit. i guessed that he might’ve been sore from dance practice so i shrugged it off. i sat back down at the chair and pulled my legs up to my chest as i stared at the wall, trying to think of how to start it. i heard the shower head squeak on and water started to poor.

i couldnt think, the only one thing that filled my head was the way hyunjin acted. was he getting hate from social media again? or maybe he was just tired. i turned my focus to the empty doc and watched the small line blink, then fade away. laying on my head on the keyboard out of defeat of my writers block, the keys pressed under the pressure and the letters and symbols appeared on the screen. I turned my head to the side to see a framed photo of me and hyunjin backstage during their maniac tour. He was holding his phone out as he kissed his cheek, eyes closed gently, as i winked, held his cheeks and looked at the camera.

a smile appeared at the sight of the familiar picture. i picked it up to look at it closer, han and minho were making faces at us in the background. then a lightbulb went off in my head. i knew what i was going to write about! i placed the picture back in its place and backspaced all the letters and symbols that had been accidentally pressed into the doc.

i started typing and typed faster than i thought i could. i was so emerged into the essay, i didn’t even notice Hyunjin walk out of the bathroom, change into sweats and a white tee, and crawl into bed. well, that was until about 2 to 3 hours later, my computer was 10% to dying. i sighed and saves the doc before closing the computer and plugging it in. i turned to see hyunjins sleeping figure, his legs bent at his knees and his hands rested under his cheek.

i was slightly confused but he looked so peaceful. he never fell asleep before me, he always made sure i went to sleep before him. i came to a conclusion that today was just hard for him, and he was really tired. I changed into some shorts and a baggy tee i stole from his a few days ago. it was one of his shirts that had been smothered in paint. i thought it looked beautiful, even it was just some splattered colored on a basic light grey tee. it was so beautiful to me, because of the fact that it was made by my boy, my hyunjin.

i slipped into the bed next to him, throwing my arms around his middle. he shivered in his sleep despite feeling hotter than usual. i looked at his face as it scrunched up in slight discomfort. i brought my hand up to his face to brush some hair out of his face, brushing his cheek and forehead in the process. both felt unusually hot. i frowned, thinking possibly hes sick.. but he would’ve told me? he always does. i sighed closing my eyes to fall asleep with him, id make sure to take care of him in the morning.

i woke up to feel hyunjin getting out of bed beside me. “jinnie?” i mumbled, seeing his figure turn in the dark. “im just going to the bathroom..” i sighed and pick up my phone from the bedside table. it was 2:42 am. “just go back to sleep, okay lovely? I’ll be back in a few minutes..” i sighed and laid back in the bed. as he went into the bathroom, i heard him cough a few times and then i thought i heard him.. vomit? “jinnie?”

i opened the door to see him sitting on the floor, hunched over the toilet. i didn’t say another word, i just walked up behind him and held his slightly long, black hair away from his face. the lingering feeling of his skin felt like fire against my fingertips. as i held his hair with one hand, i held his hand gently with the others. “im sorry” he coughed out. he got finished throwing up and laid his head against my chest. i felt a droplet fall onto my leg. i held his head in my hands to look him in the eyes

“why are you crying baby?” i asked as i brushed a tear off his cheek with my thumb. “im sorry i didnt tell you.. im sorry you have to take care of me. i-i know you have an essay to do and- i-“ i kissed his forehead and held him close to my chest again. “don’t apologize.. the essay can wait, ill take care of everythin. of you, my university work, everything.. but you’re my first priority, okay?” i hugged his shoulders as he nodded and sniffed softly. “why didn’t you tell me you were sick my boy?” “you looked so concentrated on your essay.. i didn’t want to make you loose your train of thought.”

i laughed softly. “you we’re my train of thought, i was writing an essay about the cons of being in love with someone.” “you wrote about me?” he whispered as he met his eyes with mine. “yes.. and id do it a thousand times more, i love you hyunjin.. let me take care of you?” “okay..i love you too yn.” i kissed the crown of his head a few times before laughing. “let’s get you into bed, yeah? ill get you some medicine and water.. i know your dehydrated.”

we stood up together and i brought him to bed, tucked him in and set up a desk fan on his night stand. “have i ever told you have good you are to me?” he laughed and held my hand. “all the time..” i respond with a smile. “ill get you some medicine and water, then we can go back to sleep, okay?” “what about your classes tomorrow?” he frowned. “don’t worry, ill work online. ill even work in bed with you if you want.” i brushed his hair back into a ponytail. “and ill talk to minho and chan tomorrow, you won’t have to worry, okay?” “thank you lovely..” “of course.”

i left the room and grabbed him a ice cold water and some medicine. when I came back he smiled at me, taking the medicine, and downing most of the water. “will you stay with me all night?” he asked as he pulled me into bed with him. “however long you want.” he smiled again and held me in his arms. “goodnight, my lovely girl.” “goodnight, my hyunjinnie.”

[sidefanficaccounttohidemyshame]

Summary: Marko makes you dinner sometimes.

Brought to you by; my personal philosophy on how much immortality would fucking suck, how much I want to bone the lost boys, and how much I love Italian food, although I like lobster ravioli with vodka sauce way more than stuffed shells u guys it's literally perfect. Also I decided to write a full fic for once lmao ���🤪🤪

Warnings: very brief mention of police brutality but the cops die lol, some mentions of sexual content, cursing, drug mentions, general violence, unedited ramblings of a madwoman who's procrastinating finishing the third draft of her novel.

Black reader, mention of reader wearing a bonnet and earrings, and having locs!! But I don't Think any specific gender stuff. ***Non-Black people are 100% allowed to read and interact btw just please don't be racist lol

Marko would cook you Italian food sometimes.

It would always come out weird, and he would only do it out of the blue.

It'd be in the middle of the night, when they'd all decided to completely raid your house because you'd worked an early shift that morning and were sleeping in entirely too late for their tastes.

They'd be clamoring and making a bunch of noise at first before they realized half an hour had passed and you were still snoring.

It was late, and they'd eaten already. They wouldn't go as far as to brush their teeth for you, but a quick swig from the now empty bottle of tequila belonging to someone at the bonfire would be enough to take away the taste of iron in their mouths.

Dwayne would buy gum every once in a while. He wanted you to feel it one day—the steel warmth of a fresh kill on your tongue melding with the taste of booze, weed, and the same damn thing on his, but he couldn't pretend there was no part of him that liked you not knowing.

None of them would if they ever decided to be honest with themselves about it.

Sometimes it was nice to hear you snoring.

You'd wake up, somewhere around three in the morning, you'd guess. You were still too tired to accurately read the clock on your nightstand.

You'd adjust your bonnet and step out into the living room, following the smell that'd permeated your home and made your mouth water in your dreams. You were never surprised to see them.

You'd say they'd follow you to the ends of the earth if you ever decided to be honest with yourself.

You were surprised to see Marko, standing at your stove in your green tiled kitchen, looking at your pink non-stick pans with a scowl on his face while the rest of your boys talked about where they'd go once you woke up.

The answer to their conversation was absolutely nowhere. You were still wearing the bamboo hoop earrings you'd forgotten to take off the night before and rubbing at the indents they'd left in your neck, shuddering every time you'd brush against the scars and bruises they'd left on you simply because you'd begged for it so nicely.

There wasn't a chance you'd step out of the house until Monday morning. Every shift made you wonder if you should just ask.

For their lives, or lack thereof, for their blood, for forever with them in the same town doing the same things until the sun exploded and you'd die with the people you'd grow to see as prey.

Every time you thought about it—Eternity—it was too much. Too big. Way too big a thought for three in the morning.

"Hey Doll," David drawled. You'd mumble out a hello back, a sly smile on your face as you shuffled towards him wrapping your arms around him—partially because the cool leather of his jacket and his big arms wrapped around you felt nice, but mostly because you were tired of supporting your own weight.

Paul was on you in a second, kissing whatever skin he could reach from his awkward position before you turned your head to make out with him, drowsy and horny and happy to be touched.

"Baby," he'd pout after you'd pull back, "you said we'd hang on the boardwalk tonight. That band you like is playing."

You scowl even then, "I like them, but not enough to go out after a twelve hour shift. You guys can go—" your words were cut off by an obnoxiously loud yawn, "—see them if you want, I'm off for the weekend thank god, I'll be here tomorrow."

Dwayne would come up to you then, rubbing your back and pushing a loc that had somehow escaped your bonnet back in place. He'd be frowning. He'd never get used to seeing you tired, or hungry, or thirsty, or anything near the realm of unhappy if he was honest.

He'd never tell you to quit though. He'd just imply it. And maybe imply how fun it would be to commit arson again to his men.

You'd jump a bit in David's arms when the incredibly kitsch Garfield kitchen timer you'd begged them to buy you with money they stole from someone that only a small part of you hoped was still alive. You regretted getting it often, but not often enough.

Marko reached to grab the dish with his bare hands and you had to yell to remind him to put on gloves. Even in your sleep-deprived state you were shocked he'd actually listened.

Soon you were being ushered to your couch, the still on tv in your living room playing nothing but static. You needled through your collection of tapes for all of two seconds before you picked up the first thing that looked like it'd be some decent background noise, shoving into your VCR and opening your eyes for long enough to watch that look they all got in their eyes when you turned on the tv.

You think David had seen one growing up, he'd mention he'd been around since sometime in the fifties, but from the way he described his child you were sure he hadn't owned one.

Dwayne, you think, worried a lot about it. He was the second oldest out of all of them and he'd seen things that you were sure you couldn't imagine, he'd been around since before this country was stolen and he'd lived through hells you wish you could erase from his mind but the cast of light from the screen on his face illuminated that glimmer of wonder and fear in his eyes. You hoped one day he'd tell you what he was afraid of.

Paul looked like a kid in a candy store nearly every second of every day. All you had to day was smile at him or lift up your top and he'd start giggling like a school girl. He quieted whenever you put on a movie on. He'd lift up his arm like he expected you'd always be there to take up the space next to him, and he'd go back and forth from staring at you and the tv like he wanted something he couldn't have. You didn't think he'd had many moments nowadays where he couldn't get what he wanted. If his smile didn't look so fake, you'd think maybe it'd be good for him.

Marko was old. You didn't think so at first, no one would. He had a baby face that would've gotten him carded at every event you went to if it wasn't for mind control and he acted on impulse more than any person or animal you'd ever met. There were wild, rabid squirrels that acted with more caution, thought, and patience than Marko. But he was old. He'd never told you how old, but you could see it. It hadn't taken long.

He'd always walk on the side of you closest to the road, he'd hold open every door, and he'd never let you pay for your own drinks, food, stuffed animals, arcade games—he'd practically jumped a carnie once to get you a stuffed animal that slept next to you in bed every night since then.

But they all did that, sometimes to a less dramatic extent, but it wasn't anything new.

You knew Marko was old when he stared at a stamp with the Mona Lisa on it and smiled, turning to you and saying something in Italian before wincing to himself and shaking his head. He refused to tell you what it was he said and dragged you over to go pick out a bracelet for him to shoplift for you.

You knew he was old when he stared at the water on the beach and told you how much he hates how murky it is here.

"I wouldn't have left if I'd known the water would look the same," he'd said.

He had told you when you'd asked that he meant Italy. He wouldn't answer when you asked him when.

Marko never looked at the tv much. You hoped it was because he didn't care, but you knew he'd never tell you.

You'd shoved half of a stuffed shell into your face, thankful you'd had ricotta and even more thankful they'd used the ground pork you'd started defrosting that morning, you wouldn't have had it in you to use it until next Sunday, probably.

"How is it, sweet cheeks?" He'd called you cocoa powder, chocolate cake, cocoa butter, and all other variants of food related nicknames a good three days into knowing you. It took a long conversation about race with you and Dwayne to get him to stop, and he'd settled for sweet cheeks. You wondered how he could go so long without realizing how bad things had been. You'd never seen him look more angry than when you'd talked about all the times the Santa Carla police department had followed you, threatened you, hit you, called you out your name. They all had, but he'd looked surprised first and foremost. He swore on that day when he'd come back with blood trailing down his face and emptied a bag full of police badges on to the ground in front of where you stood that he'd never eat a black person from that day forward.

"Reparations." He'd smiled. It was all red-stained teeth.

There wasn't much of you that felt bad.

"It's perfect," you said through a second mouthful of pasta. It wasn't, it needed salt, the shells were just a bit too undercooked, and there wasn't enough oregano for your tastes, but that didn't mean it wasn't heavenly.

He'd made it. He'd made it for you, because he'd wanted to. And you were tired, and a little tipsy from the glass of moscato someone had slid in your hand sometime after you'd climbed onto Paul's lap. It could've tasted like wet cardboard, you would've been thrilled regardless.

"Where'd you learn to cook like that?" You asked.

You were just coherent enough to see that sad look on Paul's face make it's way into Marko's. His big doe eyes creasing at the corners.

'He'll never get crows feet,' you thought, 'probably wouldn't if he was human either.'

You knew there was no answer coming, so you turned your attention to the little boy from the never ending story hiding out in his attic and beginning to read his book.

"Rome." He whispered.

You didn't think you were supposed to hear him, even though you were sure he saw you freeze after he'd said it.

You looked at him from the other side of your small, dingy couch you'd forced them to help you move, check for bedbugs, and reupholster—as a fun bonding activity, of course.

There was a blood stain on the fabric that hadn't come out somewhere on the underside. It was such a pretty green you'd felt bad using hydrogen peroxide, so, you pretended.

Just like you'd pretend Marko wasn't looking at you like you were perfect. Like if he could he'd tattoo every forehead wrinkle, every breath you took, every pimple, split end, and scar into his brain.

Like you pretend he didn't ever look at you and wonder what life was like.

You beamed at him, and took another bite of the pasta, watching as his eyes shifted and he became your Marko again. The animal who wanted nothing more than to keep you safe, and fed, and on his cock. Or his fingers, or tongue, whatever kept you distracted for long enough to not notice how little of him was left.

How many times had David lied to you and told you how thrilling existing without any attachments was? How many times had Dwayne offered you his jacket and whispered something under his breath about how you wouldn't be needing it forever? How many times had Paul pouted and teased you when you'd told him you needed to pace yourself after he'd tossed back his thirtieth shot?

How many times would Marko recreate a recipe his Nonna probably taught him and pretend the years he'd spent traveling the world made up for the fact that he'd never gotten a chance to see her again?

You cringed when you heard the little boy screaming as his horse drowned in tar, scrambling for the remote and sighing with relief when David started fast-forwarding through the scene, like he always did.

One day you'd ask them. If they actually did think it was worth it.

Maybe one day they'd be honest with themselves. Maybe one day they'd let themselves mourn.

That day would come long after you'd mourned for them. Probably not too long after you'd start to mourn with them.

But that day was nowhere close to right now. Right now you'd finish your pasta and use the two hours left before sunrise to make out with them.

You promised yourself at least once every week that you'd talk about these moments forever.

No matter how much it may hurt to talk about.

[sibyl-of-space]

[this will be rambly because i am writing a post to figure out what i want to say instead of going to bed]

I keep thinking about the nature of the specific project I have undertaken with Amadeus. It's incredibly personal, it's incredibly ambitious in scope, and it's incredibly focused on music in its themes. Which means that even writing wholly unrelated music to it somehow comes back around to being "about" it.

Because when the main character is Self-Projection Blorbo Extraordinnaire, and he is a composer and a musician, it becomes impossible to separate any music I write from this story. Because he is the part of me that writes music. Hell, even after Amadeus is finished I am probably still going to associate the part of me that writes music with him for, like... ever.

This isn't a bad thing. I think it's actually cool. It's neither good nor bad, it's just an observation. But I wrote my procrastination fugue because I was like "I WANT TO WRITE A FUGUE" and just kind of did literally nothing else for 3 straight days, and it had absolutely nothing to do with Amadeus, and yet at the end of it I realize it had everything to do with Amadeus. I already consider the other fugues I've written to be songs he might have written. I have already considered the worldbuilding ramifications re: the kinds of harmony contained in these fugues and what I know about specific niches in Western music history.

And when I was working on this one, I realized that I'd written a fugue that you literally can't play as one person on the piano. This was because I am not a pianist and I don't "think" like a pianist when I write, but if I consider this a fugue that was written by him, what does that mean? He IS a pianist. He ought to have written a fugue that he could actually play.

I think two people could play it on a single piano. So did he play it with someone else? Did he write it for someone in particular? Did they ever play it together?

I... I actually have some tentative answers to these questions. But these questions only came up because I wrote something for myself, for fun, and then a connection to this project emerged completely organically, and that led me in interesting directions.

This doesn't really have a point. There is no rule anywhere that says Amadeus has to have written this fugue. But it feels like he ought to have written it, and what's more, considering that he did has made me think more about the story in a way that is continuing to bring it more life.

There are many downsides to undertaking One Big Huge Project like Amadeus. Scope creep is inevitable; major milestones are incredibly difficult to get to; maintaining focus and motivation for literal years on end is an uphill battle; the chances of finishing are significantly smaller than for reasonably-scoped projects.

But there are just as many upsides I think. I keep trying to notice them because they're important for motivation.

I can do things like the anime-ass OP that would not be worth it for smaller projects. When it's done - and I will finish it - it will absolutely fucking slap to heaven. And now, I've also realized, the fact it's so huge and personal means that just kind of living my life I am adding to it. Writing a fugue has added to it. That fugue will probably end up in the game at some point. It wasn't written for that purpose, but because it was written for me and the game is (more than anything else) about me, it'll end up being part of the game anyway.

It's made it easier for me to accept those weeks/months when I just cannot focus on the game itself and feel bad about it. Because since I've decided to make the Big Huge Personal Project, it turns out that just living is still working on the project in a way. It's the kind of project I can draw from literally everything I do because it's a story that was lab-engineered to be About the things that I care about.

you're still not allowed to psychoanalyze me when you play it though btw.

[sophieswundergarten]

Hi Sophie! Sorry it took so long, but here are my answers to the fic ask game:

1- My favorite fic of yours - VERY difficult choice, but it's gotta be I don't wanna know I'm not capable. The neurodivergent head canon, the fact that you write Sticky so well, it's just perfect. It's an accurate a creative representation of OCD, and I've reread it countless times already. 

3- The best character you've written for- Sticky. Don't get me wrong, you do great writing for all your characters. But something about the way you write Sticky is special, and I'm still mad about how you hurt him in Dr. W Dex! (But I am honored you used my evil science journal idea!)

5- A fic I haven't read yet from you, but I want to - Deep Space Survival Tip #712. I need to read this. I know, I know, it's my fault for not making more time for Wolf359, but...ugh. Know this is at the top of my list because your Wolf359 fics are SO GOOD.

6- Something I remember vividly from reading one of your fics - Does it count if I say all the scenes in After the Beep? The style is so unique with Nicholas and Nathaniel/Curtain leaving voicemail messages and the angst!!!! The hesitation in their voices, the longing, the regret, you can literally hear all the things they're not even saying! 10/10. Another great reread.

9- A fic i'm excited for you updating/posting- Please know I would go insane if you updated either of your executive fics, both Innocent or not, you're not a bet I care to take ( a wonderful gift, thank you btw) because they need to reunite with SQ, and The Door Is Open (Except when you're in jail) because Curtain owes those children an APOLOGY. Note: obviously, take care of yourself, you do not need to add anything to these fics if you don't have time and don't want to, but I would never complain if you did.

I will be answering your own ask soon, thanks for sending stuff in and for blessing the fandoms with such good writing. I hope you have an amazing day! 🥰💕

1 - Oh my word!!! Thank you so much, Bods, that means the world to me! I think that's been the hardest fic for me to write so far, and I am really happy that you like it so much, because it is very special to me <3

3 - Sticky is one of my very favourite characters so the fact that you think I do a good job writing him sends me over the moon!! I really want to try writing him more, but I just don't have the time right now... And of course I used your idea! You're a genius and I love your concepts. Also, I am not very confident in that story right now, so having a piece of you in it helps me to feel better about it

5 - Well, because I am a terrible procrastinator I know you've read that one now, and I believe you enjoyed it? There was a lot of screaming at any rate

6 - Haha yes! After the Beep was super fun to write, but I didn't expect it to stick out as anything special, so I'm really glad it made such an impression on you

9 - Oooh, my Executive fics... Now, those are also something I'd like to get back to, but we'll have to see :)

[seelestia]

YES YOU DID BAKE?? AND YOU BAKED WELL 😤😤 also yes!! navia reminds me a lot of a daffodil because of her sunny disposition and she's just so cute?? (i probably spend a couple hours poking around for a suitable color palette for my theme ajfjsj but for now im sticking with a cottagecore look)

same here! and speaking of puns, cyno is also very likely to enable the both of us given how goofy he is off-duty and the number of times i've made him absolutely crack after he admonishes me for distracting him ehehe. as for bedo, he finds them just as funny (and canonically does too EHE) and will often give this cute lil giggle sjdjksdhhs. lyney loves my puns as well and will openly laugh about it. tighnari will scold cyno for rubbing off on me oopsies. anyway, i have a sneaking suspicion ayato does enjoy your puns since they can be used as a good distraction if he's stressed eheh. kuni doesn't surprise me as much tsk-tsk (bonk him on the head for that /hj /aff)

bet heizou would take the chance to rizz you a little knowing his playful nature

anyway! i'm happy that i was able to help in some way eheh >:3 but yeah, assignments usually are the staple of college life but they aren't generally too bad? minus the 8-page research paper i have to write for my mass media survey class online and luckily i poked around for some sources beforehand i'm usually good about not procrastinating but sometimes i kind of just need to ease my head into the working mindset by texting on discord sjjfshhd but yea it can be painful 💀 (btw ur more than welcome to ask me more questions abt college if u want :>) and i wish u lots of luck too!

yk thats the thing with 'bedo, not a lot of people can catch his eye and i just so happen to get his attention. and according to him, he said that i "stood out in a way that added color to his world" EJFJRHJW. yk, i just let the charm come instinctively? i don't rlly have to do anything but i have been told by a lot of people that i'm cute/naturally pretty. but rlly i would just say be yourself c: as cheesy as it sounds but it works hehe. as for lyney, he does always makes some sort of magic trick out of it and frankly it always leaves me a puddle of melted goo on the floor because of how shy i am (tyty!! also yes im a sucker for softer-pitched voices)

hey i'm sure yato wouldn't mind spoonfeeding you when you're all groggy from a long night (dw im a night owl too i can relate) , but something tells me he won't let you hear the end of it if he does /aff. i'd scold wanderer for being mean to you /lh, but at least he's willing to cook for you! (malewife *coughs*) or yk give his ear a little tug when he tells you he'll demote you to the floor-

okok so by now i think you can tell that i'm an anthophile or yk, a person who adores flowers and hence why i live in a cottage doing forest witchy stuff over there with my greenhouse and garden ehsjdjs. but anyway, you kind of just gave me the impression of a camellia? (if you caught my little pun there) if that makes sense ehhe. also i thought of the kamisato clan crest as well bc thats a camellia too, tsubaki (椿) ehehe. anyway! i like that notion of wanderer picking flowers when he's out and about in sumeru, i think it shows that he does have a gentle side (not that he'd willingly admit it but it shows in his actions) and i think you should surprise him with a garden of your own! >:3

'bedo and lyney take turns making breakfast for me! they have the full intention of spoiling me even after i told them they didn't have to because i'm used to being on the giving end if that makes sense? but they're so sweet about it i can't say no >_<

NO CUZ THATS EXACTLY HOW IT IS WHENEVER MY BF AND I TAKE PICTURES TOGETHER,,like i really appreciate that he smiles genuinely at me only but i need to help him pose

if it helps, i'm only like a piece of furniture in family pictures because thats when i get all stiff and i hate it, and i mean i absolutely hate it, when someone moves my bangs out of my face because that's kind of like a introvert thing for me? kind of gives me a sense of security tbh

also im glad you loved the picrew!! you guys look all so cute together hehehe, i bet you had to get wanderer to smile a couple times bc of how grumpy he is /aff.

OOOO PRETTY !!! if not the bakery theme, i might've gone for a flower shop with sunflower & daffodils. navia just has sunny girl next door vibes! i feel like she can fit in a bakery or a flower shop or a fancy cinema LOL. her color palette just has sm potential, especially for vintage themes i think! speaking of: this is basic x100 question but what are ur fav colors? i thought it'd be cool to know regardless! i personally love muted colors especially if it's a shade of purple or blue :3

you're a good fit with cottagecore so i get why you're sticking with it (it's the fairy vibes) !!! - i think angelcore or even mermaid aesthetic would fit u well too! something fantastical oooOOoOo (jazz hands)

cyno being one of us 😔🤝 /lh LMAO i imagine tighnari is resisting the urge to twitch his eye for every punchline dropped. everyone else gets the deadpan look™ but vi just gets a flick to their forehead (and a soft one at that too #favoritism). UR RIGHT!!! sumeru gang x windblume event was so monumental bcs we got to know albedo is amused by jokes & puns LOL. lyney will be impressed and tease u like “oho, such wit! looks like you have what it takes to be a magician too?” he knows ur stage-shy, he's just teasing u bcs ur cute hdhhahs.

mhmmm he does <3 ayato just shakes his head fondly and asks if i've been spending too much time around “a certain oni” - he's joking but i think i sense incoming jealousy. /j it's fine, i am indeed used to being outbonked by wanderer and outrizzed by heizou. i am constantly being babied smh 😔 /hj BUTBUT circling back to the jealousy thingy, makes me wonder how does albedo & the others act when they're jealous? :o personally, for me and my sillies f/o's:-

ayato: if the other person isn't already intimidated by his status (“omg it's the yashiro commissioner! gotta bail asap...” <- an example LMAO), then he uses passive-aggressive speech with a formal tone and a sweet smile to spook them. afterward, 'yato pretends like nothing happened and keeps me within arm's reach until the end of the outing. (note: uses this as an excuse to have me wear the accessories he gifted me so it's clear i'm taken. OKAY SIR CALM DOWN I'M ALREADY URS /hj)

wanderer: struggles with it so bad. he's no longer as hot-headed as he used to be.... but the sight still makes him irritated. knows i can handle it but keeps his ears peeled (eavesdropping essentially) just in case. will step in if the other person crosses the line but other than that, merely gets grumpier afterward. how dare they interrupt his quality time—

heizou: turns up his 'friendly menace' vibes to the MAX!!! finds it amusing to see how i'm lowkey trying to tell the other person off politely but will invite himself into the convo for funsies. gets HANDSY like pulling me close and calling a pet name outright in front of the person. (“oh, hey, honey! there you are. i was looking for you everywhere.” “heizou—”)

OOOHH!!! i can see the “cute / naturally pretty” charm ur talking abt. even from across the screen, i think ur vibes embody that!! albedo has a discerning eye <3 my guy's master is literally related to khaenri'ah dwdw, i also think that “be yourself” is true in itself! that way, u can find reassurance in knowing that the people attracted to u are there bcs of ur real self and not a front u put on. (<- also sounds cheesy hdhhshdh) but for me, i was told that i have comforting or welcoming (??) vibes when i talk to people so i'm trying to gather pride from that ;(

MALEWIFE WANDERER YESYES!!! he'd be so good at house chores it's funny. if u scold him, he'd squint at u like ur a bunny (which u are! /aff) punching harmlessly at his foot but he'd turn to me and say: “hmph, you've got friends worth-noting at the very least.” THEN proceeds to drop u off (gently bcs he's a gentle person at heart uwauwua !!!) in albedo's hands and go toodles LOL. p/s: i like how a bunny fits u! heehee <3 and i've gotten 'puppy' before but i'm still unsure which animal would suit me in general T_T . should i retake my harry potter patronus quiz from years ago /j

CAMELLIA AHA I SEE U!! the camellia being a canon part of the clan crest's design makes me so <33 till this day. it's even in ayato's namecard uwaaaaa. ANYWAY i'd like to think that wanderer could be a florist in a modern au - “the sassy & grumpy shortie is the owner of a cozy flower shop?!” kinda thing PFFT. i think modern au's are pretty cute! it's fun to imagine and play around with realistic elements <3

AWWW THAT'S CUTE!!! i can also relate with being on / or wanting to be on the giving side 😔😔 my giving love languages happen to be acts of service & physical touch hdhwhsh. OH OH actually, this could be another fun question hehe (i hope u don't mind them): what are the giving & receiving love languages for u and ur f/o's + do the dynamics shift according to the f/o? wait, does the last part make sense?? ( ;´ - `;) help /j

[saturrnss]

My shifting journey!

Hoping that somebody can find some comfort in this 🙏

Hello everybody, You may know me as versetravel on tiktok or just a random person you’ve never heard of until now as you’re reading this, but I say hi to you nonetheless! I want to re-tell my 3 year shifting journey up to this point (2024) to see if anybody is in the same situation as me. As my procrastination to shift slowly takes over, I hope that since it’s finally spring, writing this can get me off my ass and finally shift to the places I actually want to be.

Just note that I forget a lot of things so if the timeline doesn’t match up than it’s my fault, I’m just retelling it.

I was always the daydreamer type, I once at a chuck e cheese whispered to the person In the chucky costume that I was a secret agent and spy. I was…. Different, but one of the only things I reminisce fondly about my child was my wonder and the way I would create stories to make my life a tiny bit more interesting. So When I found out about shifting in 2020 during quarantine and I was intrigued and kind of mindblown, I could finally live the life, or lives I always dreamed of having.

I actually think I mini shifted to this reality/universe because when I was 3 but on new years eve, there was a news segment about the celebrities who didn’t make it to the new year and one who was featured was robert B. Englund, he died due to lung cancer. They also showed a scene from the first Nightmare on Elm street where Freddy was chasing tina. (Traumatized me)

So I was under the belief that he was dead for years because I literally remembered it. When i watched the kill night for Elm street movies I was confused why he didn’t say rest in peace to Robert like he usually did to horror actors who passed on.

It took me until 2022 TO FIND OUT HE WAS ALIVE AND WELL when I found his twitter account.

(back to the story…)

My first script was for a 10th member of twice dr and I’ll be the first one to admit - It was so outlandish and cringy that I deleted it a year later because of shame. The first time I tried to shift, I used the Raven Method and I chickened out half way through. The thought of leaving my reality and being somewhere without guidance scared me, so I just turned over and went to bed.

For my scripts I used the notes app, I had an unfinished 6th member of itzy dr before I moved onto notion and just forgot all about it. I kind of miss the simplicity of my scripts back then, and that I had so much faith in them. (my first marvel script was also NOT it bro lmfaoo)

Now with the whole 2020 shiftok thing, I was all that invested in shifting as a whole and I was still living my life as normal so I was fortunately spared from all the misinformation, though I still remember some tiktoks from that era.

2020 was also the start of my depression and mental issues so I kinda just forgot about shifting and moved on with my life (NEVER became an anti-shifter btw).

2021 was the worst year of my life mental wise, I was miserable every single day and I had an overwhelming urge to kill myself but i was to scared to tell anybody in my real life because they might tell my parents, but it was also the year I was “Re-introduced” to Reality Shifting. It was more appealing than ever at that point so I Decided to make my own tik tok account solely dedicated to shifting.

When I got my first 100 followers and counting due to tiktok I posted using a manifesting sound hoping my followers would shift. I was so shocked because I never got this amount of followers ever. I had this new will to live and motivation to shift. When I attempted to shift to my decades dr It was the closest I had ever gotten to getting to my dr by that point. It felt like I was floating and separating from my body, when it was over I was so happy that I was getting somewhere.

The next handful of attempts were flops but I didn’t let that get me down, I was riding that high from my earlier almost-shift for as long as I could. I almost made the attempt to try suicide but I chickened out (A pattern I know)

But then, something happened again that made me so happy.

I was just getting into Hinduism. One night I decided to pray to Lord Shiva and I felt- different afterwards. It wasn’t a negative or positive feeling, I just felt more calm than usual, and a bit dizzy. So I just decided to hop on my phone for a little and then go to sleep after.

I woke up in the middle of the night. Everything looked normal so I decided to check my phone for the time, when I did It was like someone Injected Adrenaline into my body. It was the middle of the night but the year was the same year as My model dr- 1967.

I was shaking that point, I tried to check if my fingers went through my palms but they didn’t- Everything felt so real. I looked around even though I could barely see anything, and tried to snap my fingers 3 times (safe action) but I was too panicked. I opened my phone and I didn’t have a password on it like I did my cr. I had no wifi but it was open to tiktok and It was paused on a video of Nayeon doing the dance for her solo (on the official twice account I think?)

I put my phone down and freaked out some more, just as I was going to accept this universe as my new forever home, I returned back to my cr. I was breathing really heavily and checked my phone again but It was the normal time.

It took a while but I went back to sleep and still to this day whenever I wake up I check the date.

I find myself downplaying that shift. Maybe because it’s not my dr/ I freaked out but at least I actually got symptoms from the subliminals I used.

2022-2023 is when I really slowed down and got stunted. The shifting attempts were all flops and I was angry. Why did everybody else’s attempts work but mine didn’t? Did I do something wrong? Was I not meant to shift? Weeks between my shifting attempts became months- every time I was attempting Fear took over me that I would get stuck there.

All I was holding onto was a couple almost successful shifting attempts and mini-shift, that was the only thing keeping me from giving up hope that shifting was ever real in the first place.

There was something in me that would never give it up, I didn’t want to give it up, I wanted to spend my most boring days there, being with people who actually loved me- I couldn’t just give up completely.

2024 was going to be no different until something changed that.

I was on the reality shifting subreddit and someone was offering readings. I was very skeptical at first but they didn’t demand money so I decided to try it. They said some really personal things. It was accurate that I was a bit freaked out, But the reading they gave me made sense to me. So I thanked them and before it was gone, took the opportunity to ask them to find out why I wasn’t shifting.

It took a minute (they were talking to multiple people at the same time) but they responded that I had so much negative energy weighing me down and that I needed to focus on being able to shift.

As of right now I don’t know what to feel, many contradicting feelings go through my mind. I don’t know what the negative energy exactly is for me to eliminate it.

But after everything I still have faith- My friends and loved ones are in all these different realities and I want to see them, hug them. I know after all this time it’ll be worth it.

I just know.