#made this gifset so i could stare at it in great detail

[kexing]

Monster Next Door (2024) Pilot trailer.

[poirott]

i went to see dotn today and thought of you! i think i last reblogged your gifsets when motoe came out. dotn was so good and i'm super proud i figured out most of the final solution. have a good day!

Hello! Thank you for all the asks I got about Death on the Nile, they’re much appreciated! <3 I’m sorry for not replying to them on time! It’s been a busy time in fandom, with Branagh winning a BAFTA and an Oscar, and film festival awards. A lot of my time over the past few months has been spent covering his ‘Belfast‘ promo tour, festivals and appearances, at my Ken blog, but also keeping an eye on anything DOTN related. :)

I’ve seen DOTN at a pre-premiere in February but didn’t post about it because it's almost impossible discussing the film, or even just hinting at or trying to talk around certain elements, relationships and plot points, without going into spoiler territory, and most of the things I wanted to squee about were indeed riddled with spoilers. Not just details related to book canon, like the identity of the killer, the clues, who dies, etc, but some of the amazing details and twists that were created just for the film. And there were a LOT of those and I LOVED THEM, as I did the canon reference to Poirot’s past, new ground being covered that was mentioned in the books but never filmed before, and nods to other Poirot novels (certain quotes, Poirot’s plans for the future, etc) and even films.

I LOVED DOTN and thought it was better than Murder on the Orient Express, especially the fast-paced second half that felt like a different film compared to the slower first half. The first third or half served to introduce the characters and the relaxed atmosphere of the Nile trip, giving us some of the most stunning shots of the boat, the sights, and life on the river, before everything went haywire on board. The cast had great chemistry, each character had a "wow” moment, Okonedo, Wright and Bateman were the standouts for me (apart from Branagh), certain relationships went deeper than expected and into new directions which was exciting to see, and the costumes, set design, locations and score were all top notch.

Some people are griping about the background CGI but I think the team did the best they could, since they could not film on location in Egypt (for most of the film, anyway), due to the restrictions they were faced with (the existing boats were either too old or too small + logistical problems, which the 1978 film also notoriously had), and anyway, they built the whole Karnak boat from scratch and it was a gorgeously made set, with beautiful scenic backdrops. I wish the boat could remain a museum piece somewhere for people to visit and admire.

The 2nd half kicked in with the building of tension, foreboding scary music, quick cuts, night time shots of the Karnak floating on dark water (fear of drowning, hello), then BAM, a twist you didn’t see coming, and BAM, another one, pandemonium everywhere, tensions flying high, people yelling at Poirot to do something, Poirot walking around like a badass looking handsome, yes, all the good stuff! <3 The faster pacing made me think the 2nd half was more heavily edited/trimmed than the 1st. Trailers have shots that don’t appear in the theatrical cut. Even after re-watching the film a couple of times, I’m still discovering new things through dialogue or stuff in the background!

Poirot being flirted at, genuinely flirted at, and not recognizing it for what it is because he’s not used to the sensation, it’s been too long for him, added like 50 years to my life! :) No one could wipe the huge grin on my face! And the adorable dork that he is, his first instinct is to react in a shy manner and stare at the lady and stumble over his words, like he can’t quite make out whether her interest is real or not. I LOVE HIM SO. Ken’s delivery and comedic timing got the most laughs at my screening. Also the scene with Jackie by the railing when they talk about love, that both the Ustinov and Suchet adaptations have covered before, yet Ken managed to make it his own with a gentleness and heart-breaking vulnerability, delivering one of the best moments in his Poirot franchise. Jesus Christ. My heart bleeds for Poirot. Oscar winner Kenneth Branagh!

Despite having new shocking twists and turns, watching DOTN felt soothing and calming and like a weight was lifted off my shoulders because it’s been such a long wait since the end of filming till release. I remember sagging into my seat, happy and content. It was almost surreal to be at the cinema again. The pandemic may have stalled the release and affected the film’s box office (not unusual for non-blockbuster films coming out these days) but didn’t conquer it; we have news the 3rd film is already written, so let’s keep our fingers crossed it gets greenlit. It’s tricky discussing box office results because we’re in different times now, the pandemic changed the game.

At the end of the day, DOTN’s RT audience score is much, much better than MOTOE’s, at 82%, and the critics score also slightly higher, which is another plus for me. That and knowing the Agatha Christie estate and 20th Century are fully behind Ken and support him.

My contentment also stems from certain theories I've had - and waffled on and on about obsessively on this blog - about Ken’s Poirot for 7 YEARS, becoming canon in the film. :D Another theory a friend of mine had came true as well, even though it seemed too bold and “out there” for the screenwriter to do, yet it happened. It added a whole new dimension to the story, made it more personal, like a sucker punch in the gut. DOTN hit the spot for me, not because it validated my fan theories (as rewarding and affirming as that was), but because the film was better, more fun, emotional and exciting than I expected. With all the disappointments over the delays I’d have been fine with just an ok movie, as long as we finally got to see it, and own it on dvd.

But it was so much more than that, it delivered for me and was worth the wait, Ken’s Poirot was everything I’d hoped for, and that made my happier than I can explain in a single post, or a hundred. :)

After Ken got choked up and teary-eyed on stage at TIFF 2021 festival, as he talked about uncertainties and issues with the pandemic and writing ‘Belfast’ when lockdown began, and how much it meant to him that audiences got to experience it in cinemas, I just wanted a happy resolution and a good outcome for him, both for ‘Belfast’ and for DOTN. And I think he got that.

Jamie Dornan, who sat next to him on stage, leaned over, touched Ken’s knee and shoulder and asked him if he was alright, with the audience clapping and cheering in support. I giffed it here:

Ken nodded and said through tears it was just “gonna be one of those nights.” He could barely speak for a while. “You plot a place in your life when... Very simple thing, you’re very happy, and then, in a minute, it was very difficult to deal with everything that came up.” (He started writing ‘Belfast’ 3 months after DOTN finished filming, and he was happy then, I took this to mean DOTN contributed to his happiness, but then DOTN got delayed because of the pandemic, he was shooting ‘Belfast’ in-between lockdowns, etc.) But all the stress that comes with a movie release in a pandemic can get too much sometimes, and as a leader and director, he’s expected to exude an unflinching confident aura and stay strong for everybody, putting on a brave face, and bottling up any fears or sad feelings. It was unusual for him to break down and he recovered quickly, thanks to Dornan’s warmth and the audience’s support.

His honest reaction moved me to tears. I’ve never seen Ken like this before. ‘Belfast’ had a tight schedule in-between lockdowns, the actors had to be tested every day before shooting, DOTN has been through the wringer over and over again, getting pushed back several times. It’s been nerve-racking and intense and Ken’s been keeping it together like a professional, always cheerful and confident in every interview.

But it’s all over now, we can breathe and relax and watch the films to our hearts’ content, and be happy for Ken’s success. Bless you, sir. You did it. I’m letting the feeling of calm and relief sweep over me as I look forward to more news about the 3rd film. <3

Sorry for the essay. Take care, everyone, and cheers!

[logicheartsoul]

So I started to make promise on making a 4K gifset of this post (the one where OP showed a clip where you see Karli throw a piece of rebar at Bucky’s head and when he catches it, he’s annoyed and all coz he was looking at Sam) and I realized looking at the parts before and after this moment, there are not only some underrated moments but also like. He stares at him entirely for way too long

(So yeah, I’m probably gonna end up giffing those moments too lmao)

Like this part? The van is literally about to fall to the ground and there’s NO ONE who can stop it, but while Bucky is trying to help Walker up, he’s trying to push him out of the way coz hello, falling van at high velocity speeds at a great height. And yet the entire time Bucky is watching coz SAM IS ALREADY THERE

(Excuse the crappy coloring, it’s not great but *shrug* I only made it work so you can see their faces)

(I gotta say at least he can multitask and be competent at his multitasking lol)

And then, after catching the rebar, he’s just watching Karli but she’s not even facing his direction even though this is a perfect chance to attack. No, with all of them (except Sam) being super soldiers, they probably could hear Sam’s descent coz what happens next? She defends against shield throw (and failing) and Sam just...nailing it. Like, oh yeah, he’s got it covered.

Also, have some not nicely colored -- but you can at least see his face? -- shots of him catching that rebar

(The details are minute but the rebar moves and a couple of muscles in his face clench)

[freudensteins-monster]

Across the Multiverse

A quick Logyn fic I whipped up for @someillplanetreigns xoxox

Fair warning I haven’t watch the Loki tv show, just absorbed it through tumblr gifsets and additional context given by @ladyaudiophile when needed, so I may have gotten a few of the details wrong... but oh well.

Being detained by the TVA was… a lot. 

It was difficult to watch his life-that-should-have-been flash before his eyes. So much death and destruction and loss. Was it possible to feel regret over things that hadn’t happened to him yet?

But it had also introduced him to the concepts of Variants; versions of himself from parallel universes. And if there were multiple versions of himself out there in the multiverse, then it would stand to reason that there must be multiple versions of… someone else out there as well. Someone who didn’t feature in Mobius’ little show and tell because she had been taken from him many years ago.

So Loki watched and waited, and when the opportunity presented itself he stole a TemPad and escaped through a time door. He found himself in an unfamiliar place, but one that was thankfully free of TVA agents, so he quickly figured out how to properly use the TemPad and was able to find his way to times and places he hoped he might find… the person he had lost.

The first version of her he found was standing steadfast in a dark cave, holding a bowl over his other self’s head to help bear a punishment that wasn’t hers. 

The second he found in a rather similar version of Asgard, stoically suffering through his other self’s repeated infidelities and cruel taunts.

The third was a half-mad sorceress ruling over the ruins of some form of Midgard beside his mad king self.

He should have tried to save one of them, but knowing her as he did, she wouldn’t have left her lover’s side. Goddess of Fidelity indeed.

What he needed was to find a version of her that had lost, or would never meet, that universe’s version of Loki. He tried twice more with no luck, and the next door after that was a long shot. He found himself on a version of Midgard, some thousand years before his last visit. He quickly changed his appearance to better fit in with the local populace. His TVA issued shirt, pants, and tie were replaced with trousers of some undyed local woven material and a dark green woolen tunic. There was a chill in the air so he threw a wolf pelt around his shoulders for some extra warmth and drama.

As he wandered through the large fishing village in search of her he was still getting too many stares, and as he glanced around he figured it must have been because of his hair - he saw not one person with hair as dark as his. He slipped behind the nearest hut and with a shake of his head his dark hair turned a fiery red (something he’d seen on one of his alternate selves) and continued through the village with only the normal amount of stares one would expect of a newcomer in their midst.

Half an hour of trudging later he had yet to catch sight of the woman he sought. He had hoped to keep a low profile, but he was also impatient and a tad desperate, so asked the next person he came across if they knew of her.

“You mean the healer?” they replied and Loki breathed a sigh of relief. They gave him vague directions to a hut on the outskirts of the village, where the sea met the forests, and it took all of Loki’s self restraint not to race there.

As he approached the small hut a woman stepped outside to pick herbs from her garden and he knew it was her. Her clothes were simple and unadorned, and her long hair was pulled back in a knot of braids, but it was her.

“Sigyn.”

The lost love of his life turned, not believing her eyes. But then her surprise turned to fear.

“Loki!” she hissed, pulling him into her house, away from prying eyes. “What are you doing here? If Odin finds you here he’ll kill me and punish you!”

Loki could have wept with joy regardless. “You know me?”

“What? Of course I know you, even with that strange disguise,” she snapped, waving a hand at his red hair.

Loki shook it out with a smile, returning it to its usual black.

“But you know me? You grew up in Asgard? ...You love me?”

Sigyn blinked her beautiful eyes, eyes so similar to the ones he missed, and regarded him curiously.

“Yes, I know you, and of course I love you,” she replied slowly, pulling away from him. “ But you speak as though you don’t know me.”

“I do not know this version of you,” he answered honestly. “What do you know of a multiverse? Other worlds where things may only be slightly different to what you know, or vary wildly?”

“As much as you, I suppose. We read the same books after all. At least my version of Loki and I did. You are truly not the Loki I knew?”

Loki shook his head sadly. “In my world, the Sigyn I knew… the Sigyn I loved… When Odin discovered our relationship he all but forced her to marry another. It was not a happy marriage, nor a long one. In my world you have been dead for many, many years.”

“It was Theoric wasn’t it?” she asked with wet eyes. Loki nodded. “My mother always did like him,” she huffed.

“What happened to you in this universe? Did Odin banish you here?”

Sigyn nodded. “It’s been a hundred years now.”

“And your Loki… he never came for you?”

“No,” she sighed. “He stood by while Odin made his decree. He spouted a lot of rot about the duties as a prince of Asgard, and my Loki craved his father’s approval so badly… You know something about his inner conflict?” she guessed from the guilty look on his face.

“I should have fought harder for my Sigyn. But I’m here now, and we are both without our other halves… and I have this handy little device with just enough power left to transport us to some other place and time,” he added with a mischievous smile, magically manifesting the stolen TemPad. “Wherever we go we will be stuck there, for better or worse. And the people I stole this from may still be hunting me down.”

“Sounds like an adventure,” Sigyn replied with a smile. “And if you’re anything like the Loki I knew, you should know exactly where I want to go,” she teased.

Loki played along, humming as he pulled up a location on the TemPad. “If you’re anything like the Sigyn I knew, the one place you would want to go… would be to the northern plateaus of the Valdemarsta Mountains on Alfheim, just in time for the Stjarna Festival, where we can drink and dance all night long… and come dawn be handfasted as violet meteorites streak across the sky.” 

Sigyn fell into his arms and kissed him. Loki kissed her back like he’d missed her every day for a thousand years.

“You’ll do,” she sighed happily.

“I would hope so. We’re both quite lucky to have found each other; there are some strange versions of us out there in the multiverse. In one, you were this great, hulking beast of a warrior and I was your rather scrawny but very willing love slave. And in another… I was an alligator. I have no idea what became of you in that particular universe, I was rather too afraid to ask.”

Sigyn laughed and let Loki hold her close as he called up one last time door.

“Once we step through there’s no turning back. Are you sure you wish to come with me?”

“Given a choice I would stay by your side. Surely that is the same across the multiverse, even the one with the alligators.”

Loki smiled and took her hand. “Together then?”

“Always.”

[greensaplinggrace]

GIF MAKER APPRECIATION TAG

rules: answer the first half of the questions with gifsets of your own, then answer the second half by tagging gif makers you love

thank so much @peraltastarkov​ for tagging me!

LINK A GIFSET...

link a gifset where you tried something new: This Darkling gifset was my first (and only as of now) attempt at blending. But I’m also new to giffing in general, so all of my stuff right now is of new techniques I’m trying out.

link a gifset that features your favorite character or celebrity: This one, which features Ada Wong from Resident Evil, one of my all time favorite characters.

link a gifset that you want more people to see: This V for Vendetta gifset! I love it so much. It was one of my first gifsets and the one that really made me start to love giffing, because I just adored how it turned out.

link a gifset that you had fun making: This set of my favorite SaB ships holding hands and this set of Darklina mimicking each other because they’re all adorable and I would die for them.

link a gifset that you created as part of a meme, challenge, or series: This Darkling gifset for the Make Me Choose Meme.

link a gifset of yours that makes you smile: This one of Mal and the Darkling. It’s adorable and I was smiling the entire time I made it. 

link a gifset that you made for someone else: Well I do a lot of gif prompt fills, but this one with the Darkling and Malina in SaB I made for @vita-s-west because I thought they’d like it and their tags on my post inspired me.

TAG SOMEONE WHO...

tag someone who inspired you to start making gifs: @zoya-nazyalenskys​ singlehandedly got me into gifmaking. When I say I wouldn’t be here without their help (which was all through anon lol) and their inspiring gifsets, I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. Literally just seeing their stuff was what made me want to start doing this.

tag someone who makes great vibrant gifs: @inejz-ghafa is one of them most talented gifmakers I’ve ever seen and their gifs are super vibrant and colorful and gorgeous. I could stare at their stuff literally all day. @starkozova is an absolute master at vibrant gifs too! Plus the amazing @aleksalinas and @cherylblossom!

tag someone who makes great pale/pastel gifs: I don’t know many, but @tophbefong is spectacular at pale gifs! I especially love their use of whites and reds. @ballroomofmymindp also has some very lovely pale gifs, and the attention to detail in their sets as well as the use of pastels is magnificent.

tag someone who gifs for a fandom you love: @burningblake @saint-aleksander @malyen0retsev @genyazafin and @alinaoretscv all gif for Shadow and Bone and I adore their stuff. I always get to so excited to see them all on my dash.

tag someone who uses text/typography really well in their gifsets: @starlless!! Plus @poppykru and @peraltastarkov @taylorjoy-anya and @aleksandr-morozova 💕

tag someone who motivates you to step up your game: @peraltastarkov!! Her gifs are amazing and constantly inspire me to do better. @strawberrieswing, because their stuff is so creative and amazing and full of talent. @mal-zoya for just making sets that are truly inspired and full of emotion, I always feel so much passion for gifmaking when I see your creations. Also @elenawinchstr, whose gifs always make me immediately want to jump into photoshop and start creating.

tag gif makers who you admire and appreciate: @smilecapsules @zari-tomahz @starmarvel @eivor-basim @safin @benj-barnes @ajmichalka @alinastarkhov  @hunterschafer @inhejghafa @freddycarterz @elena-gilbert @time-turner @maloretsov @wanhedars @beccs @docmcfly and honestly legitimately everybody in the SaB fandom. It’s so full of talented people. The stuff I see on the daily is mindblowing.

tagging: all of the above tagged, plus anybody else who wants to join!

[gaywatch]

i've been meaning to message you for months with some Golden Lovers updates, haha, but i was waiting for something more concrete, and boy howdy did we get it. there is way, way too much to explain in just this one message (i'm working on a gifset that goes into more detail, but it's hard to put time into that and also do NaNoWriMo, so it might get done in december), since it covers years of history and spans at least four/five companies as well as some dramatic shifts in the industry, but i'll try my best.

basically, AEW just wrapped up their biggest story yet, which they've been building up to since the start of the company in 2019. Kenny Omega was an essential piece of it, and right before the long-awaited climax, they revealed that his story in AEW since the literal beginning has been about his unresolved feelings toward Kota Ibushi this entire time. if you're a subtext reader like me, this has been obvious, but it's still absolutely incredible to hear that confirmed directly in the canon after i spent years pointing out individual details and looking like a conspiracy theorist. essentially what happened is that right before Kenny defended his title against his ex-partner, Hangman Page said "if i remember, you once had another tag team partner who maybe you felt like you didn't measure up to, either" (Kota liked a gif of this line on twitter, btw, akjfgdhgk). i SCREAMED

i'm going to link this other post that i made instead of going into too much more detail on that, but the whole segment was Hangman basically realizing that everything that Kenny had done to him was because he was projecting his own hurt and insecurity after Kota left him again, and it wasn't Hangman's own fault, which thus freed Hangman from his own cycle of doubt and insecurity and meant that nothing Kenny could say to him had any power over him anymore.

a few days later, Hangman faces Kenny with the AEW title on the line. there's a great moment at the beginning of the match where a fan (later revealed to be Anthony Burch, haha, who writes for Borderlands, and whose sister Ashly Burch voiced Chloe in Life Is Strange lol) brings out a sign that says "what would Kota think?" and Kenny stops and stares at it for like ten seconds.

Kenny loses the match and drops the title to Hangman (as we all expected). a lot of us Golden Lovers fans had been terrified going into the match that Hangman would become the second person ever to kick out of Kenny's finisher, the one winged angel, since they'd been talking that up again recently, but we needn't have worried. it's still the most protected move in the business, and the only person who's kicked out of it other than Kenny himself is the love of his life.

as far as where the Golden Lovers story is going to go next... well, the immediate next step for both of them is rest and recovery, because both of them are unfortunately injured at the moment. Kota dislocated his shoulder after failing to hit a phoenix splash on Okada in the G1 tournament finals in NJPW, so he's healing from that, and Kenny's been running his body so hard for the past 3+ years, he needs a ridiculous number of (thankfully minor) surgeries.

after that... well, no one really knows where either Kenny's or Kota's story will go, but i can say that in the 2.5 years that i've been following it, this is the most optimistic i've been that we're actually heading toward a reunion. the Kenny & Hangman story wrapping up in AEW is a great opportunity for Kenny to finally start that final chapter of the Golden Lovers story that he's been wanting them to have since 2019.

there will probably be fans writing various explainers summing up Kenny's AEW story as seen through a GL lens, but i don't have any to link at the moment, and the one i'm working on will take a long time to complete, because i want it to be comprehensive. sorry for giving such an incomplete description!

i'm not sure how much you actually care about all of this, haha, but this is enough for one message, i think

These updates are AMAZING as always like I may not go here but I am full on Tyra Banks ROOTING FOR Y'ALL ❤️❤️❤️

[maggiecheungs]

2020 ~everything~ wrap

i finally have time to do all of the tag games that people have tagged me in over the past month or so! i cannot for the life of me remember who tagged me in which one, so i’m just putting ~everything~ in one huge post. if i tag you anywhere then consider it a standing invitation to do whichever of these you haven’t done :) in fact, this is me issuing a standing invite to any of my followers who wants to do it :) also, thank you all!

Creator Wrap: Favourite Works

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

this collection of philosophy quotes paired with thai bl series, (and its sequel) which is possibly my favourite thing i’ve ever made. for, uh, nerd reasons.

these gifted text post memes i made still make me laugh sometimes

this fic about green from 2gether, which i wrote in the notes app on my phone and published the same day. not my absolute best writing but i am very fond of it <3

i have a bunch fof friend zone dangerous area edits/shitposts which i like, but i’m particularly fond of my fzda as satire headlines (which now has a sequel!)

i also love my crisgood-walmart-lesbian post. i might send it in to gmmtv to try and convince them to do a crisgood-bffs spin-off

+ bonus: since i wrote this list i made this gifset (my first ever!) of jennie panhan in the shipper and i love her too much not to include her on here

+ extra nerdy bonus: this niche meme about Chinese philosophy, which still makes me crack up whenever I think about it

Favourite Creators/Follow Forever

i’ve completely lost track of who’s following who from which blog, so this is just going to be a haphazard, non-exhaustive list of people who i adore/admire/am vaguely intimidated by, mutuality be damned. maybe we talk all the time! maybe we’ve never interacted! maybe i am constantly there in ur tags... lurking... 👀... but if you’re on this list you have made me smile at least once this year and i love you for that alone <3

@wjmild kylie!! you make gifs of arm & tay & lee (separately or in various combinations) & the shipper & and kapook & random fluke pusit cameos & school rangers so i don’t have to <3 ilysm

@janeramida vianey, you have such impeccable taste in general, but your sizzy gifset in particular is so gorgeous it lives in my mind rent free

@applelapis bri, this post was a callout and i want you to know that it haunts me at night as i lie awake staring at the ceiling :((((( i hope you are happy

@gigiesarocha cata, i love it when you show up on my dash bc you have!! such taste!! also, every time you gif gigie i gain five years of life <3 pls continue doing the Good Work

@pvrrish​ eleni, i remeber legit thinking that this was an official poster when i first saw it, it’s so beautiful

@ahysopae​ juliette your khaithird fic is so good and it literally changed the way i think about khai (not an easy feat)

@kurosawadachi angel, whenever i think about grace’s speech i remember your gifset and get literal chills

@doctorbahnjit alexa, you have no right to be as funny as you are. your friend zone edits give me life

@khaotungthanawat sam, you’re probably sick of getting tagged in these lists by random strangers, but i just had to bc your gifsets are Pure Art

@tanwirapong roa, all your gifsets are so ✨iconic✨

faiza @asianmelodrama and rahul @petekaos! yours were the first two thai drama blogs i followed and for ages i lowkey thought of you as my fandom parents.

and some more blogs that make me happy: @curlykytta / @lee-thanat  / @fck-inspector-m / @pangwave / @tichawongtipkanon / @tawanv @kimmonv (violet istg i have spent more time this year trying to figure out how many blogs you have than i have spent admiring your gifsets. & i spend a lot of time admiring your gifsets) / @taytawan / @1akorn and @yihwas (and your radiant lovechild @lakornladies ofc) / @teh-ohaew / @vihokratanas (mel your gifsets are just so gorgeous) / @tootiredtoosadtooangry / @headcompletelyempty / @demiromanticmickey​ / and there are definitely more but my brain is a sieve so apologies if i’ve forgotten anyone!! i love you all!! 

2020 HIGHLIGHTS ✨

rules: list your top 10 shows (bl or not) you watched in 2020 (doesn’t necessarily have to be shows that came out in 2020 though!)

1. 2GETHER & STILL2GETHER

my first thai drama, and even after all the amazing shows i’ve watched this year, it still has a special place in my heart. watching 2gether was the first time i’d ever seen a queer romcom that just... was. for me, by the simple fact of its being, 2gether was revolutionary. and then still2gether came along and took all the best things about the first season and gave us something beautiful and quiet and lovely and just proved to me, once and for all, that queer happiness doesn’t need to justify its own existence. there can be gay cuddles on the beach for no other reason than that we want them. 

2. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

i don’t really have the words for this one but. it makes my heart so very soft.

3. FRIEND ZONE 2: DANGEROUS AREA

season one was mindless fun because everyone was an absolute trashfire and it was hella cathartic to watch, but season 2... wow. i love it for so many reasons: it has messy and authentic queer rep; the characterisation is excellent and i somehow care about all of the characters; amazing women taking centre stage(!); a wlw relationship with lesbian, ace and bipolar rep; multiple interesting plotlines; actual character development; arm weerayut as a chaos gremlin... absolutely one of my favourites of 2020.

4. CHERRY MAGIC

i don’t think i need to explain this one, which is fortunate, because i have no idea how exactly i’d describe the happy-warm-fuzzy-queer-seen-loving-affirmed-profound feeling that rises in my chest whenever i think about it. 

5. THE GIFTED: GRADUATION

confession: i liked season 2 more than season 1 (with the exception of the ending, which we don’t talk about). season 1 was enjoyable and interesting, but for me it was season 2 which made me love this series. it did some incredibly interesting and complicated things (even if it didn’t quite nail the landing): it pushed characters to the breaking point and wove so many layers into the story and questioned its own underlying themes. plus, watching it alongside everyone in the fandom made it 200% better. i love all of you and i love this show. egg girl 5eva.

6. THE SHIPPER

i 100% understand why so many people didn’t like this show, or found it problematic, but through some fluke it absolutely worked for me (even the ending). one day i will write an essay explaining my rationale, but for now i’ll just say that it’s one of my favourite shows about adolescence and queerness and identity and compassion and friendship and love that i’ve ever watched. 

7. YYY

this series is absolutely off its rocker, and it somehow managed to be one of the most affirming shows i’ve watched. it shouldn’t have worked by it did, and i love it so much.

8. 3 WILL BE FREE

absolutely iconic. amazing plot, stunning visuals, great characters, canon polyamory, jennie being incredible... what a series.

9. MANNER OF DEATH

i love the fact that this show exists; i love the mix of crime and romance; i love maxtul’s acting; i love the central relationship; i love bun. i know we’re not even halfway through yet, but this show is doing something special and i’m so grateful that i get to watch it unfold in real time. 

10. CHIHAYAFURU (SEASON 3)

odd one out on my list, but I had to include it. chihayafuru is my all-time favourite anime and it finally got a third season, which is somehow even better than the first two. mashima taichi is one of my favourite characters of all time and his storyline hits me on such a profound level. plus, in the years since i first say this show i’ve fallen in love with classical japanese literature (particularly heian poetry) so i had newfound appreciation for the karuta matches (aka i cried every time someone recited one of my favourite poems)

other favourites: together with me, he’s coming to me, sotus and sotus s, my dear loser: edge of 17, why r u, theory of love, wake up chanee!, gameboys, pearl next door, uta koi (anime), three kingdoms (2010), blood and water (netflix). (itsay would almost certainly be on my list if i’d had time to watch it. same with dark blue kiss, which i had to pause so i could do my assignments)

Final Thoughts

well, it’s been... a year (i don’t think anyone needs a reminder of the details) but writing this post has reminded me of all the amazing shows and people I discovered over the course of it.

thank you to everyone for being so lovely and creative and funny and quirky and kind and passionate. you’re all incredibly awesome people and i wish all of you the very best xx

[bellamygateoldblog]

THE 100 7X07 LIVEBLOG

Warning: Long. I’m sorry. I was excited.

• First thought, I'm being forced to watch without subtitles & and it might just be me but these actors are impossible to understand on the first listen.

• "The shepherd teaches us that winning the last war brings upon the final evolution of a species" so....aliens? ALIE? Ascending into a 'higher' form of existence meaning either life after death (ALIE style) or these people want to become Gods?

• They "believe in transcendence" so i must be on the right lines.

• Bardo have "different plans" for the two killers. Void!Echo might be cominggggg.

• "Death is life" / "may we meet again" / "death is not the end" — "winning the last war brings upon the final evolution of a species"???? I’ve connected the dots.

• I'm sorry but all this hyper-focus on Clarke and being "The Key to everything" is kinda embarassing me, like 😳 it's just so odd. That this alien cult from another part of the galaxy/universe is fixated on this random teenager born on a space station around Earth. I know, I know it's to do with Becca's tech, but it's still very much sounding like the "super important special protagonist" trope which I hate and until that detail about the code/tech is revealed it will continue to make me rme. LMAO.

• "Rise and shine errand boy" OK MA.

• Indra is out looking for their friends which confirms LGBT wrath squad literally told nobody they were leaving, and since Gaia was kidnapped, there's no news from them at all.

• Emori trying desperately to help Murphy stay out of hell. At first I thought she was reassuring him, but she was explaining why he needs to do these “errands,” because she believes in his ‘vision’ of hell last season.

• "besides [Murphy's] worshipped me for years."

• Memori is the inverse of Bellarke. There, I said it.

• "You don't know me very well-" / "i know you went into that tavern to save a child at great risk to yourself..." is the pretty much the exact same scene as Murphy's with Luna in s4: "you don't know me very well" / "I know you stole medicine to save [a child]..."

• Luna's spirit followed them across the galaxy/universe this season.

• I don't know anything about chess but the fear on Murphy's face when Slim Sheidy moved his Queen makes me think Emori is in danger this season for as long as he's still alive.

• Echo indirectly preaching "love is strength"

• "You don't talk about yourself much and you're a shapeshifter"

• Dude maybe Echo really is getting an arc this season.

• "Bellamy this isn't real" implies she's had to shut “this” down before, and that there's been something between them for a while. And Bellamy literally shut her up with a kiss, telling her and us that she’s being silly. Also, Echo was the one putting it off.

• Tall girlfriend short boyfriend rights!

• The shot of the ring becoming Echo's eye. Oh my GOD.

• "I know you're in pain Echo, I feel it" what a dumb fuck thing to say LMAO what gave it away?????? The way I'm crying right now in front of you??????

• "I'm the monster from Hope's bedtime stories"

• Octavia:

• WE'RE VOCALISING THE PARALLEL NOW HUH?!

• Octavia is telling EVERYONE else what we already knew. The parallel was NEVER to Finn. It was to Octavia. After Lincoln died. TELL EM.

• "I wish I hugged him instead"

• Octecho Murphamy parallel oh jesus.

• Octavia is like "no Murphy Echo! I'm not letting you go until you admit you're not useless! it's not your fault!"

• Octavia telling Echo love is the answer, love is what she needs, not death or violence. Love is strength. Here we go bitches.

• "YOU'RE MY FAMILY TOO"

• !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “YOU’RE ONE OF THE HUNDRED”

• Am i actually right with all these Echo theories i’ve had? I’m feeling so validated.

• It’s a shame none of these scenes will be edited and made into gifsets by fandom the way other Clarke/bellarke/anti-Echo-centred ones have been them with their none-existent Finn ‘parallel’ lmaooooo, because nobody cares for Echo and Octavia.

• Everyone is yelling for Echo. I feel that.

• Diyoza is checking her nails. I feel that too.

• "THAT'S DISHES YOUNG LADY" ajaksjajsjskasjsjdkskdjdj

• I'm so sad we're back in Sanctum😔😔😔

• Emori is fr pregnant.

• Are we really doing a sexism thing, here with Shiedheda and Murphy? I thought those things didn't exist anymore?🤔

• "how you respond to the loss of your Queen will tell me which you are (a leader or a follower)" — I'm going to be unhappy if Emori dies just so Murphy can become a "leader" by the end. Don’t. Especially not after this conversation about “not liking women very much.”

• Well there goes that theory of Hope favouring Murphy from the stories because she was told he was similar to her father. Sigh.

• "I like you John, you amuse me" is a pretty good way of summarising how his character has been used this season.

• "Everyone I ever loved was killed fighting in wars. Some that didn't need to be fought"

• "I LIKE OUR CHANCES" callback.

• Men who?

• "Violence and rage will only destroy your soul"

• “Revenge is a game with no winners” motherly advice vs “They loved people too. Where does it end?” / “it doesn’t end here. I don’t believe in karma” motherly advice.

• These quotes are making me nervous about void!Echo. I hope she gets brought back from the dark eventually. Or makes the dark her bitch.

• This Diyoza-Hope scene looks paralleled to the Octecho one! Thus Echo also wants to "go back to the way things were."

• "They took my mommy away" — Like ‘they’ took Octavia's and Echo's. Two other warrior women in the same group. Clarke dealt with the loss of hers. Madi with the loss of hers. There’s Gaia and Indra’s strained relationship. Emori + being cast out by her parents. The child sacrifices. Murphy + Sheidheda’s mother throwing him in the conclave meaning he doesn’t like women. Is this season about mommy issues?

• A little confused why he’s talking about Lexa as if she directly stole his legacy. Wasn’t he in power when Indra was a child?

• Octavia is laying there staring at a blank book.

• I'm dying at Octavia monologing, completely oblivious to Echo cutting her face with broken glass behind her. LMAO. She's become so accustomed to Echo's whimpering she's not even phased anymore.

• Dying again at Echo out of nowhere just going DO YOU KNOW WHY AZGEDA WARRIORS SCAR THEIR OWN FACES?

• Octavia, again:

• "We do it to symbolize that the pain is over. The wound is healed."

• That's such a good explanation. And here begins Echo's healing journey. As her wounds heal over the next few episodes so will she. And by the end her scars will symbolise that journey.

• Here Echo goes again being the smartest person in the room, always. "We're not prisoners, we're recruits."

• Tasya is making me super uncomfortable with the jittery, eery way Echo is moving around. I love it.

• The way Echo casually saunters out of the fucking room with not a single care in the world oh she knowsssss. AJDKSHFJSF

• Echo leading again!!! Making the decisions. Octavia following after her (literally) and backing her.

• "This is how my people show they're ready to go to war" — making everyone extremely uncomfortable and I love that for her. Also, "my people."

• Embracing her Azgeda-ness.

• Octavia understanding and jumping in to aid Echo's plan combined with the close-up of Echo's determined abliet slightly unhinged expression makes me believe Echo is leaning into her "spy" along with her Azgeda and going undercover, making them believe she's on their side when she's not. But there's still a part of me thinking Echo is spiraling and is going to war out of habit and because she feels she has nowhere else to go/ "no home." Aka, the detail to finish off the S7 O/E parallels: "this is who I am" / "I'm here for the war."

• Furthermore, her scarring herself could be a callback to Octavia telling Ilian to help her feel something.

• I love this season a lot.

• Back in Sanctum again😒

• How does a chess game take all fucking DAY?

• OH 🙂 That's how.

• Yeah it makes absolutely no sense Raven would ask about Octavia before Echo.

• Raven looking at Clarke when finding out Bellamy's dead as if she isn't the only one there who's his actual family, who spent 6 entire years with him + more. Raven Clarke-Prop Reyes strikes again.

• Clarke's like *sad confusion*

• The scene of Clarke finding out about Bellamy's death didn't feel so much about her as it did "well what does this mean for them now?"

• "From the ashes we will rise" becomes "from the ashes, through the bridge, the shepherd will rise" Gotta say, not as catchy.

• "please call me Bill" - No. No Bill. Only Cadogan.

• We're going back to Earth this season aren't we?

[zuura]

hello!!! are you still doing it? 👀 ✨ + 'mine' (that's the tag i use)

hiiii<3

1. this one is soo pretty!! i haven’t watched this yet but this made me want to<3 the colors are so soft yet shiny!! i love thattt you’re amazing with colorssss<3 also the little drawings you did? TOO CUTE!! each gif is done so carefully, the feeling of that scene totally gets across<3 so yep this edit is too cute i’m in love with itt!!

2. this one too! the way you color is out of this world<3 so talented!! i especially love the shiny blue in her eyes and in the gem, it’s so so beautiful! also the choice of gifs go along so WELL with the caption, it’s a masterpiece overall<3 and the one with her hands writing? WOW it looks amaaaaazing!!

3. i love this one so much!! the background is soo pretty i seriously love when people do that, and that color askjdan<3 also the one where it looks like a polaroid!! YOUR MINDDDD!! it’s so so amazing besides it’s about the best kiddo ever so yep bonus points<3 and you choose scenes with that outfits and it goes great with the background color!! even the font you chose is amaaazing!! seriously in loove with this edit<3

4. how vibrant this one is!! so perfect!! i mean the work you did there is worth of admiration<3 everything is colored so beautifully like WOW asjdkas you’re an amazing super talented person and IT SHOWS! looove your works<3 i could stare at this gifset for the rest of my life and i’d be the happiest honestlyyy<3

5. i have yet to watch this movie but this edit is so cuuuute!! love how soft this one is, the little stars and the animated sun are such a lovely detail<3 the combination of pink and light blue is the best!! seriously this is too beautiful<3 i really hope you keep creating these lovely edits in the future!!

.....

DON’T SEND ANYMORE!!

[emiliachrstine]

the night he arrived

summary: in honor of John’s birthday (Nov. 15th) I decided to post a small snippet of John’s birth that takes place during Renegades: Eschaton. If you don’t wish to be spoiled with what happens then don’t read this snippet! characters: jacqueline lewis, steve rogers, natasha romanoff, bruce banner word count: 1458 notes: I didn’t do extensive editing on this since there are still details I need to finalize with this scene. But I hope you guys liked this sneak peek of what’s to come! Also, just a side note, I know that John’s one gifset said that he was born in 2020 but I’m actually changing it to 2019. So on this very month, day and year in the Renegades universe, John Rogers is born! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!!! up next: Bucky and Sam take Madison and John on a trip to the zoo tag list: @samwilsonns, @chuck-hansens, @luucypevensie, @susiesamurai, @foxesandmagic, @kea-jones, @chantelroyal, @dieorfight

“She’s almost there, just one more push.” 

Steve nodded slowly, feeling his stomach twist at the pensive expression on Bruce’s face. He focused his attention on Jacqueline and brushed away the hair that had fallen in her face. She was exhausted, and her breathing was labored. “Jacks,” 

Steve’s voice caught her attention, helping to ground her focus. “Almost done,” she choked out. 

“Yeah, you’re almost done,” he brushed his thumb against her cheek and smiled when she looked up at him. “Just one more push.” 

She breathed in before scrunching her eyes closed. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. She wasn’t supposed to give birth at the compound. This wasn’t the experience she wanted for Steve. But this kid had other plans. Just one more push. Jacqueline reached for Steve’s hand and tried to pull herself up. Steve’s hand immediately went to rest against her back to give support.

Natasha took hold of Jacqueline’s other hand and settled closer to her, “You got this, kid.”  

Jacqueline looked over at Natasha, huffing out a tired laugh at the faint smirk on the red head’s face. “I got this,” she repeated, her head lolling towards Steve. Just one more push and it would be over. She would be able to rest. 

“Okay, Jackie,” Bruce spoke in a calm and calculated voice, his face still but his eyes gave away with how anxious he was. This was definitely not something he planned on doing today. “When I say, I want you to push as hard as you can.” 

Jacqueline nodded at his words, then whimpered as she tightened her hold on Steve and Natasha’s hands. She took in several deep breaths before nodding at Bruce again, signaling to him that she was ready. 

“Okay, you ready?” Bruce asked, then said a silent prayer to himself when he saw her nod at his question. This kid was almost out, nothing bad should happen. At least, that’s what he was hoping for. He braced himself, took in a quick breath, then said, “Push, Jackie.” 

Steve felt her fingers curl around his hand as she inhaled a deep breath and began to bear down as hard as she could. The exhaustion was already getting worse. It didn’t take her one more push, it was several more pushes. She was too weak to put all of her strength out at once. Natasha, while still holding onto Jacqueline’s hand, inched closer to Bruce to help survey the scene. Jacqueline had tried to bite back her cries, but the longer this ordeal went on her fortitude started to break. She cried out, her nails dug into Steve’s hand prompting him to wince. He could only wonder how much more would she have to endure this. Bruce said one more push--that clearly wasn’t the case. However, judging from Bruce and Natasha’s encouraging words, it was all commencing the way it should. Instead, Steve focused on rubbing Jacqueline’s back and offering what little encouragement he could. 

It felt like an eternity before it finally came to an end. Jacqueline tightened her grip on Steve’s hand, to the point that her knuckles went white, and she gave one last push while releasing an agonized scream. She went limp and her head fell against Steve’s shoulder, her body completely overcome with exhaustion. Steve secured his arm around her to keep her close to him, the grip on his hand finally loosened much to his own relief. He flexed his hand before looking over at Bruce and Natasha who were busy cleaning up the newborn. The baby was too quiet for Steve’s liking. But once Bruce cleared the baby’s airways, the newborn let out an ear-piercing wail. Relief immediately flooded through Steve’s body. The baby was fine. “Is the baby…” he trailed off, too overwhelmed by the scene of it all. 

“It’s a boy,” Natasha commented while gently wiping the newborn clean, she was grinning from ear to ear. “And he’s a real trooper too.” 

“Jacks,” Steve glanced down at her, seeing that her eyes were barely open. She wanted nothing more than to sleep. “Did you hear that?” 

Jacqueline barely nodded her head, the faintest smile appeared and then was gone. Their son continued to cry as Bruce and Natasha worked on cutting the umbilical cord. Jacqueline slowly pushed herself to sit up, but Steve was quick to guide her.

“I think you should lie down, Jacks.” 

She shook her head. “Not yet.” With help from Steve, Jacqueline was finally sitting upright. She bit down on her lip at how sore her entire body was, just screaming for her to lie down. When it appeared that Bruce was done, Jacqueline reached her arms out. Bruce, knowing exactly what needed to happen, gently picked up the crying newborn and placed him into her arms. Jacqueline, despite how exhausted she was,  was quick to place the baby to chest and, with Steve’s help, was able to finally lie down. 

“We’re gonna go get the car ready,” Bruce stood up from his spot and took a moment to watch his friends with their new child. He did it. He actually delivered a child--a safe delivery. The tension in his shoulders finally subsided. “You did a great job, Jackie.” The woman could only smile, too tired to say anything at that moment.

“Thank you, Bruce,” Steve spoke up for both of them. “For everything.” 

“Well, let me get you to the hospital first. I don’t want to take any chances.” With that, Bruce and Natasha left the trio to get the car ready for the short journey. 

Steve felt like he could breathe again. He looked down at his wife, watching as she comforted their son. She seemed to be in her own trance, rubbing at the baby’s back and softly shushing him. He imagined it was the same way when Madison was born. The newborn quieted down rather quickly though he was still quite fussy. Steve rested a hand against her cheek, smiling when she closed her eyes at his touch, “how are you feeling?”

She huffed out a laugh, “I’m so exhausted but I’m okay,” For a moment, she went quiet and focused on her breathing. Yes, she was beyond exhausted but she refused to sleep. Not until they got to the hospital. Not until their son got checked out by a doctor. She kissed the hand that was on her cheek and opened her eyes to look at Steve. And all she could do was snicker. “Are you okay?” She asked with an amused smile crossed her face. Steve’s face was almost drained of color and his eyes were glistening. “You look like you just saw a ghost.” 

The comment was incredibly random. But the only thing Steve managed to do was laugh. “This wasn’t the way I thought it would happen.” 

“I know,” her expression turned somber. She imagined that it would take place at the hospital. They would have to endure the long wait before the pushing came. But no one was more surprised than her with how fast it happened. The baby moved and began to whimper, causing both his parents to focus on him. “It’s okay,” she traced her finger down the baby’s cheek, smiling when she saw his face scrunch up. “You really couldn’t wait to come out could you?” She watched as the baby moved in her hold, eventually, he turned his head in the other direction facing Steve. “He’s a lot quieter than Madison was when she was born.” 

“That’s probably not gonna last long.” Steve brushed his finger over his son’s hand. This made the baby grasp onto his finger. He actually felt a breath hitch in his throat. It was then that he realized this was a first for him. He had missed this with Madison. He wasn’t there for her birth, unable to experience this blissful moment with her and Jacqueline. Steve swallowed down the ache that had formed in his throat. There was a lot he had missed with his daughter. But this time it was going to be different. He would make sure of it. 

Steve maneuvered himself until he was lying beside Jacqueline, making sure that he didn’t pull away from his son’s grasp. He then paused when he saw his son open his eyes halfway. The baby opened and closed them several more times before he managed to fully open them. Steve inched closer until his chin was resting against Jacqueline’s shoulder. The infant merely stared at the person before him but his grip on Steve’s finger tightened. 

Steve could only smile, his eyes now gleaming with tears. “Hey, bud.” The baby scrunched his eyes closed and Steve could’ve sworn that he saw his lips curl into a brief smile. 

[sage-nebula]

I saw Endgame

And overall I liked it, although I think I liked Infinity War more. I really want to make a long post detailing all my feelings in a coherent way, but I’m not sure I’m in the headspace to do it now, and I can’t do it at a later date because the memories won’t be as fresh, so I’m just going to make a list that might be all over the place beneath the cut (with TREMENDOUS SPOILERS, obviously).

Things I Loved:

Peter was the catalyst for Tony deciding to help with the time machine business. This isn’t specifically stated, it’s not said out loud, but it didn’t have to be. Tony turned Steve and the others down. He flat out refused to help them. But when he caught sight of that photo of him and Peter? When he remembered just who he had lost? That was when he decided to see if he could find a way to make time travel work. Peter was his motivation. I think that for the most part he was repressing his grief over Peter (and more on that in a bit), but he couldn’t repress it entirely, not when a photo of Peter being so exuberant and happy was staring him right in the face. If there was any glimmer of hope at getting Peter back, Tony was going to take it. Yeah, he cared about the trillions of others, too---but Peter was the catalyst, Peter was the reason he was willing to take the risk, and I loved that.

THE REUNION HUG. Honestly, this should have been first on my list, but I’m not going to erase the above paragraph. GOD, if I don’t get ten million gifsets of both that hug, and also how it’s development from the “this is not a hug, we’re not there yet” scene in Homecoming, I’m going to lose my mind. Fuck, the fact that Tony couldn’t even speak, the fact that he just pulled Peter into his arms and hugged him so tightly, hugged him tighter when Peter said “this feels nice” was just everything to me. I could watch that for ten hours. Also, Peter’s rambling preceding the hug was fucking adorable.  “Do you remember when we were in space? And I got all dusty and then I must have passed out or something because I woke up and you were gone, but Dr Strange was there and he said five years had passed and we had to go---”  NO WONDER TONY HUGGED THE BUHJEEZUS OUT OF HIM. HE HASN’T HEARD THAT RAMBLING FOR FIVE YEARS, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE MISSED HIS BOY? NO WORDS NEEDED TO BE SAID THERE. THAT HUG SAID IT ALL. 

Peter in general, honestly. Tom Holland didn’t get to do very much in this movie, for obvious reasons, but he stole every single goddamn scene he was in. The reunion rambling, everything he said while he had the gauntlet and was trying to get it to the van, THE FACT THAT HE GOT A MOMENT WITH PEPPER WHERE SHE SAVED HIM, his scream when he was on Valkyrie’s pegasus, and of course the heartbroken sobbing when Tony died. I do wish that Tony had been more coherent at that point, that he’d been able to tell Peter that he was proud of him, and I also kind of wish that Peter hadn’t called him “Tony” because I’m going to be real with you, I like how he calls him “Mr Stark.” But everything else about it was perfect, including the bit where Rhodey had to pull Peter away because Peter was just falling to pieces. (And note, I mean as perfect as it can get given that Tony died, but you know.)

The fear in Thanos’ eyes when he headbutted Carol and she didn’t even FLINCH. I do have some issues with Carol’s (lack of) involvement in this movie, which I’ll get to later, but while it was unrealistic that Thanos got the jump on her at any point (please), the fact that she didn’t flinch when he headbutted her and just the TRUE FEAR IN HIS EYES KJFDSKFJDS. GOD. I love Carol so much. Oh Captain, My Captain.

Morgan requesting a cheeseburger, just like her daddy, and Happy saying he’ll get her all the cheeseburgers she wants. I don’t even have anything to add onto this. It just made me cry even more than I already was.

Loki stealing the Tesseract (AGAIN) as a way to bring him back. Apparently Loki is going to be in a new TV show streaming on Disney’s service (whether it’s the same one Sam and Bucky are going to have, I’m not sure), so this was a clever way to ensure that Loki can make a comeback in the future without having to have found a way to revive him, and only him, from Infinity War. Of course, this also means that the Loki we see in the TV show or whatever won’t have any of the character development post-Avengers, which is . . . eh . . . but it’s better than having him be permanently dead, I guess. (Also, did anyone tell Thor this happened? No? Someone might want to fill him in so he can be cautious when picking up snakes for the foreseeable future.)

Thor getting Mjolnir back, and then dual wielding. Though the dual wielding was more temporary than I would have liked (more on that in a bit, too), I love dual wielding so I was happy to see him doing it, and also I love Mjolnir (a.k.a. “mya-mya”) so I was happy to see that back, too. It put a definite smile on my face.

Valkyrie being the new Queen of Asgard. No offense to Thor, because I get that he was going through a lot, but he was also being a terrible king, particularly since I don’t think he ever really wanted to be king, anyway. Like he accepted the duty because he felt he had to, not because he wanted to, and so I think it’s good that he’s going to get out there and see new parts of the universe (and hopefully clean himself up some, and also not actually answer to Quill because I mean, come on). That said, Valkyrie was the one keeping everything in order, and she deserves to be queen. I love her. I’m so happy for her.

All the ladies coming forward to back up Carol. I mean, Carol doesn’t really need backup, but I looooved seeing all the ladies assemble ready to beat some fucking ass. The MCU has such powerful women and a good number of them, too, and I love that that was highlighted in that moment of this film. It was a great moment.

Nebula’s character development. She’s had such an arc despite being in so few movies and I love it. I loved how invested she was in the paper football game she played with Tony. I love how she took care of him, even in gentle ways such as moving him off the floor and onto a chair. I love how she killed her past self in order to save Gamora without a second of hesitation, as well as how she talked Gamora into turning against Thanos long before it happened in the timeline we know. (On that note, I’m fine with how they’re keeping Gamora in the picture, and I laughed at her “whomst” expression when Quill approached her jkdlsfds.) Nebula had a great arc and I loved it, although I can’t believe she didn’t warn Natasha and Clint about how they’d have to get the Soul Stone. Like, she knew. Why didn’t she say anything?

Sam getting a private goodbye with Steve, and having the shield passed onto him. I’m okay with the fact that Steve did get a happy ending. I always shipped him with Peggy and I think that, overall, he was just not happy in our time period, even if he had some moments of happiness, so I think that being able to go back in time and live the life he actually wanted was a good ending for him. But I’m also glad that Sam got that private goodbye, as well as the shield, because Sam goddamn deserved that after everything he’s been through and everything he gave to Steve’s cause. Sam doesn’t get enough respect in-universe or out of it, so I was glad to see him get this. On that note, I also like the fact that Bucky knew before Steve even left that Steve wasn’t coming back, and that he was the one to draw Sam away and point him to where he needed to be.

There’s probably more that deserves to be in this list, but these are the only things I can think of right now. More can always be added later, especially if / when I see the movie a second time.

Things I’m Okay With:

Tony’s death. I know this sounds like a weird thing to be okay with, but hear me out. Obviously, my preference would be for Tony to be alive, and still making appearances in future movies, such as Far From Home. But the thing is, we already know that he’s not going to be in Far From Home. He’s not in any of the trailers, it’s been confirmed again and again that he’s not in that movie. We know that Peter is still involved with Stark Industries and the Stark family, but Tony himself is not around. And fam, the only way that makes sense from a character standpoint is if Tony is dead. Tony retiring from being Iron Man wouldn’t necessitate him taking himself out of Peter’s life. He just wouldn’t do that, not after he already lived five years without him because of the snap. So if Tony were alive, but he just decided, “I’ve got my own kid now, I don’t need Peter anymore”? That would be so disgustingly out of character I’d drop all future movies in . . . well, a snap. So in that sense, I’m okay with Tony dying since RDJ didn’t want to do any future movies, and if he’s not doing future movies and isn’t going to be in Peter’s life anymore, then the only way that makes sense without assassinating his character is to assassinate him. It’s sad and I cried, but at least this doesn’t destroy Iron Dad & Spider-Son, which, as selfish as this may sound, is what’s most important to me. I can live with this, especially since fanfic exists for this very reason.

Carol’s lack of presence in the movie. This is very nearly a “Thing I Didn’t Like,” but I’m putting it here because I understand it. Thing is, Carol is too strong for Thanos. Carol could atomize Thanos if she was allowed to do so. And forget Thanos; Carol could take out literally every member of his army in a second if she was allowed to do so. The thing is, that also takes all stakes out of the movie, as well as negates the need for Tony to make the heroic sacrifice he did. And while they did weaken her a little and let Thanos overpower her for a second (unrealistic tbh), they couldn’t weaken her enough to conceivably have her not end that battle, and as such they just took her out of the movie entirely, for the most part, with the excuse that “other planets need me and they don’t have you.” And like, again, I get it. Carol is too OP. If she stuck around the movie would have been a lot shorter. But at the same time it bummed me out because she’s my favorite hero, so I did want to see her doing more things than what she was allowed to do.

The lack of quantity of Iron Dad & Spider-Son. Don’t get me wrong, quality wise it was almost perfect. The only way it could have been more perfect would be if Tony had managed to tell Peter that he was proud of him while he was dying (especially since Peter apologized to Tony, meaning that Peter blames himself for Tony’s death), and if, when telling Steve that they had to keep what they’d gained in the past five years at all costs, Tony had explained his reasoning as, “I already lost one kid. I’m not gonna lose another.” My entire year would have been made had Tony said that line. The literal entire thing. But while the quality was great, I do wish that we could have felt Peter’s presence more in Tony’s life. Like, again, Peter was the catalyst for Tony getting involved at all, and that was great, but I just wanted . . . more. There was a lot going on in this movie, and I get that, and there’s also the fact that I got the feeling that Tony repressed what happened with Peter hard over the past five years, that he had to repress it or else he wouldn’t have been able to function. Like part of me was surprised that no one brought up Peter when they were trying to get Tony to help with the time machine, but at the same time I also think that Steve at the least knew they’d get hit if they did that. But I felt a lot of repression going on, repression that was ripped off once Tony caught sight of that picture, but at the same time once that repression was ended I kind of wish the floodgates had opened. I wish that Tony would have had the line about not wanting to lose another kid. I wish that when thinking about time traveling back to New York, there would have been a moment when Tony would think about returning to New York during a time when Peter Parker was still alive. I wish that Tony would have made mention after Bruce’s snap about Peter being stuck in space, or that he would have told Peter at the end that he was proud of him, or that Peter would have been present during the final message hologram, and so on and so forth. I’m okay with what little we got because it was excellent, there was a lot going on, and also Tony was repressing (with the floodgates truly opening once Peter was babbling in front of him again), but since this was our absolute last chance to get Iron Dad & Spider-Son with both of them alive, I really do wish we had gotten more. I’m okay with it, but I’m still kind of sad.

Bruce being Hulk physically all the time now. This is also almost a “didn’t like,” because it’s just . . . weird . . . but I’m also okay with it, I guess. He reminded me of Beast from X-Men, and I didn’t really see a reason for him to be like this, especially since we’re just told how he got to that point, rather than shown. It was just kind of . . . weird. It could have been done better.

Thor traveling with the Guardians. I kind of hope this is just a temporary thing, because as I mentioned, I don’t very much like the idea of him answering to Quill, and I also feel like he’s less of a team player and more of a solo artist. I’m okay with it for now because at least he’s not dead or wallowing anymore, and also it means that Valkyrie gets to be Queen of New Asgard, but I really hope it’s just temporary because he deserves more than to be just another crew member on that ship.

Again, more could probably go here, but this is what I’ve got for now.

Things I Didn’t Like:

Steve wielding Mjolnir. I get that this was a callback to Age of Ultron, and specifically the scene where they all tried to wield Mjolnir and couldn’t, but it did tremble a bit under Steve’s grasp, but I didn’t like it. I don’t hate Steve, by any means, but particularly after all that shit in Civil War I don’t think he’s worthy, and it also doesn’t make a lot of sense to me that he just magically knows how to flawlessly use Mjolnir with no practice or training. Sure, Thor picked it up quickly, but Thor is also an Asgardian. It doesn’t make sense that Steve, a human, would know how. And also, Thor’s “I knew it!” was strange, considering he seemed anxious about the possibility of Steve being able to wield Mjolnir in Age of Ultron. Like it was just . . . I didn’t like it. Especially since it cut so much into Thor’s dual wielding time. On that note . . .

Thor. Just . . . Thor all around. Aside from how his “let himself go” look was his look for the entire movie, I felt like his portrayal in this movie was really . . . shallow, flat, and lacked all of the emotional weight he carried in Infinity War. Like in Infinity War he was raw with grief, he’d just lost everyone, and you could feel that in every action he took. And yeah, he felt that he failed at the end of that movie, even though he did kill Thanos, so it makes sense that he’d need time to process that grief. But five years of processing led him to lose all the emotional weight he had originally. Like, we were supposed to get the feeling that this was Thor grieving, but it just didn’t feel that way. Moreover, it felt like they were trying to bring in Ragnarok flavored humor with him, but it didn’t work because it didn’t fit the tone of the movie. I usually love Thor, he’s always been one of my faves, but I just was not vibing with him in this movie. The dual wielding was cool, as was his excitement to get Mjonir back, but the rest of it? Bleh.

Natasha’s death. I mean, I get it on some level. I get that she didn’t have a family to go back to, whereas Clint did. I get that Scarlett Johansson probably didn’t want to do any more MCU movies / her contract was up. But that doesn’t make me feel any more okay that yet another woman was fridged so that Clint could have some manpain. It doesn’t make feel any more okay that a character who actually routinely did things and contributed in these movies (Nat) was sacrificed for one who pretty much never does anything ever (Clint). To be fair, far more male characters were removed from the cast in this movie than female ones, but that doesn’t make this jive with me any more. I was totally rooting for Clint to bite it instead. Like let him do something for once in these movies, ffs.

Harley being present at Tony’s funeral. Look, I’m going to be honest: Harley had no reason to be there. I get that he was in Iron Man 3 and that he was like the prototype for the Iron Dad we’d all come to love, but that’s the thing: He was the prototype, he was like foreshadowing. From a narrative perspective, Harley’s purpose was to foreshadow how Tony was with kids, so that when he met Peter in Civil War and came to bond with him over the course of the following films, we’d be able to see where that paternal side of Tony came from. There’s a reason why Harley was not seen or mentioned after Iron Man 3, and it’s because his narrative purpose was fulfilled, and therefore Tony presumably didn’t have any further contact with him after that. And I mean, no offense to those who liked Harley or his role in Iron Man 3, but the Tony & Harley relationship was not the one that was developed over the course of the following movies. Again, he wasn’t shown, nor was he even mentioned. Instead, it was Tony & Peter in Civil War, Homecoming, and Infinity War. Harley might as well have not even existed. The only reason I even recognized him was because I knew ahead of time that he was going to be in the film. My best friend (who I saw the movie with) didn’t even recognize him and was wondering who tf he was. So to that end, I just . . . I don’t think it was necessary for him to be there. Like it felt more like a move for us, the audience, of them saying “see, Tony impacted all these people, everyone who was important at some point in his life is there.” But it didn’t even really work that way because the funeral was so small and private. So it just seemed really random for Harley to be there, when he hasn’t been relevant at all since Iron Man 3. And I know it’s not that big a deal and I honestly wouldn’t care, except every time I see something about “Morgan and her big brother Harley” or “Tony’s three kids” I can’t help but roll my eyes because, no. There was nothing post-Iron Man 3 that would lead us to believe that Tony considered Harley to be like a son to him. The fact that Harley was standing awkwardly way in the back at the funeral, instead of up front where Peter and Morgan were, says it all. If Harley had been present in movies following Iron Man 3 and we actually saw his relationship with Tony on-screen, okay, fine. But that’s clearly not the case, and wasn’t even in the case in this movie (like he was clearly not around for those five years!) so it just . . . I don’t know. It felt really unnecessary to me. I’m not a fan. (And I know some people are like, “He’s going to pick up the mantle from Tony, he’s going to be Iron Lad!” which gets a very hard no from me, for two reasons: 1.) If anyone is picking up the torch from Tony, it’s Peter. Peter has been Tony’s protégé for the past several movies, Peter is the one that the Russos have specifically said had a father-son relationship with Tony, Peter is the one that Tony made tech for and trained, the one who was sobbing by his side when he died. If anyone is picking up the torch from Tony, it’s Peter. 2.) If it’s not Peter, it’s Tony’s biological daughter Morgan. Yes, she’s too young now, but give her some time and she’d make a fantastic Iron Lady, or even Ironheart if they don’t want to introduce Riri. Morgan has far more reason to pick up that mantle than Harley does, just like Peter. Send Harley back to Tennessee where he belongs and stop acting like he’s super mega important when he clearly wasn’t important enough to even get name dropped after his initial appearance in any of the movies before this one. Jesus.)

Thanos going from “you drew blood from me, I respect that” to “you keep resisting me so I’m going to enjoy killing you.” Like, it just made him seem so petty? I feel like it would have made more sense for him to make the jump to “I’ll kill EVERYONE and make a WHOLE NEW UNIVERSE this time” if his rationale was “I can’t have anyone around trying to undo what I do.” It would have felt more in line with his characterization from Infinity War. I get it, Thanos is a sociopath, no one is arguing with that. But he wasn’t a petty sociopath in Infinity War, so it feels a bit disappointing to me that they made him such a petty, smug bastard in Endgame. I liked him more when he was acting like a Well-Intentioned (In His Mind) Extremist than a Petty Purple Bitch.

And once again, there could possibly be more here, but this is all I can think of for now.

All in all, I did like it, just not as much as I liked Infinity War, and that probably has to do with (as I said) the fact that Infinity War had more Iron Dad & Spider-Son content / interactions, and that’s my favorite relationship in the whole MCU, so obviously I’m going to prefer the movies where that’s a bigger focus. But I did like Endgame well enough all the same, and I can’t wait for Far From Home this summer. And on that note, some wishes for it:

The reason why Peter doesn’t have the Iron Spider suit in Far From Home is because it hurts too badly to wear / he doesn’t feel like he deserves it after what happened to Tony. I want to see his grief over Tony’s death brought up.

An AI / hologram message that Tony made for Peter at some point.

May to not date Happy, but instead to bond with Pepper, and for them to eventually find love again in each other’s arms and get married so that Peter and Morgan can be official stepsiblings. (Like Peter is Morgan’s big brother anyway, but this would make it Official™.) Happy can date someone else. (Also I know that May is Peter’s aunt and not his mom, technically, but come on. She might as well be his mom.)

But that’s it for now. Time to go nurse the pain with some fics (including potentially a couple of my own.)

[brainy-storm]

oh I was just recently thinking about that (the text post you just made) and I came to the conclusion that whatever Clark was saying, Kell would have meant too? Like he'd have to agree to those words, even if Clark ultimately said them. But your theory is funnier, so I want to go with that instead.

Great minds think alike, haha!

Yeah, I mean like you said in your tags it was really  weird and I feel like it was kind of rushed buuut yes it does give us some good stuff. It would depend on how the mind fuse actually works but I think that’s way more detail than was actually put into the idea. I feel like it must have been more like ‘what if we could fuse both supes in the final battle?’ ‘okay sure’  [Superman -dundun- and Superman X -dundun- DNA DIGIVOLVE TO  ..*insert funky digimon music* --- SUPERMENMON]

Also I will thoroughly admit that I didn’t actually realise the lines in the final battle paralleled the lines in Brainy’s simulation in  S201 until I saw @fairyroses ‘s gifsets way back that or I forgot, so was still mind blown. I failed as a shipper, I realise So yeah, I went to stare at the gifs again cause they’re pretty. Then I  thought well since it’s clearly supposed to be a parallel that I missed or forgot aklsdjkslasjd  then it seems to make the most sense that at least the ‘Brainy may not have been human, but he had the biggest heart I had ever seen’ and the ‘he was a hero, my hero!’ lines were all Clark’s. 

Not even factoring the fact that those two lines just don’t sound like Kell-El. So if he did approve too I imagine it being like:

Kell: This guy is stepping on us, how dare he - I say we insult -

Clark: BRAINY HAS THE BIGGEST HEART -

Kell: ...fine we can go with that.

---

Clark: He was a hero -

Kell: Yeah, we got off on the wrong foot but he was definitely a true legionnaire, a true-

Clark: MY HERO 

Kell: ...okay  *the longest of sighs* 

[bandicoot88]

Bruce’s body language (part 4)

I need to stop, but I can’t.

I just did an analysis on the fight sequence in the vigilante ending, but I wanted to point out some things that happened before that. Some I’ve already mentioned in gifsets, etc, but I’ll be putting them here too in further detail.

Spoilers for episode 5 under the cut.

   Scene 1:

    Embarrassment after listening to John telling Alfred that he’d been collecting tabloid photos of Bruce for years. What an introduction to your father figure.

  Scene 2:

    Batman/Bruce often gives John the silent treatment/stare, I actually love it. The crossing of the arms is also great. He knows he doesn’t have to say anything, because it’s an attitude typically done towards someone you have a strong connection with. If John wasn’t that important, I would bet money that Batman/Bruce wouldn’t hesitate with talking, and immediately talking back at someone is a response. With John, he’s being patient, trusting that John can do better, or that he will back off when necessary. They’re like a married couple, I swear.

  Scene 3:

    A minor moment, but I like that Bruce doesn’t even flinch at the idea that John went shoplifting for his outfit. I mean, John was in hiding, but that doesn’t mean he needs to be in an outfit right away. Bruce is a billionaire, I’m sure he would’ve kitted John out with something. I like to think that suggests their relationship was being close too, because Bruce isn’t even questioning it, he’s just like “oh, the same old John.”

  Scene 4:

    The hand shot is special, it’s a little moment between the two. I noticed that many YouTubers don’t mention this at all, but the shot was longer than necessary, because it’s suppose to be. Can you see the comparison in that gif and this one?

    Bruce’s expression though.... ugh! It’s adorable. It’s tender as all heck, like... what other explanation is there for that face? Confusion? Maybe, but I don’t see that personally, doesn’t make as much sense to me. Seriously, just kiss him, dude.

  Scene 5:

    I purposely did not slow this gif down, because it would be misleading. I want it shown in real time, and how long Bruce leaves his arm extended like that. You wanna retreat your hand a bit quicker there, Bruce, you lingering, bisexual dumbass?

 Scene 6:

  Being asked to hand over John. He clearly does not want to, and even if you agree, there’s a close up shot of him hating that he made that decision. Batman knows John is dangerous, but that he is trying. It’s irrational thinking to allow someone like John on the streets in such a way, but we as the player probably wanted to believe in him anyway, which is a risk to the public. Choosing a single person over the many is a big deal, but realistically, it happens among humans, when you’re willing to sacrifice everything for that one person. And Batman is about justice, he knows when people should be locked up, but he’s also human, which makes him flawed when following his own code, and when to break it, for someone like John.

 Scene 7:

  I try not to make it all about what I want, and try to see the other side of things, but this scene kinda goes with the scene above. Batman is about protecting everyone, so you could argue that he’s protecting John like he’d protect an everyday civilian. Yes, but what Batman is doing is disobeying the Agency in putting John away. Again, it’s choosing what’s best for Gotham, or allowing John to potentially do more harm than good.

 Scene 8:

 This is on par with scene 6, but this takes place after Bruce was nearly killed, as well as several people being hurt, and possibly killed, due to John’s impulses. This scene is unique to the choice of not wanting to give up on John, after all this. The line hasn’t been drawn yet for Bruce, if you choose to play him this way. Again, it’s irrational, and as much as we all love John, he is dangerous, but you can have Bruce be completely blinded for his affection for John, doing the whole choosing between one person and the many. It really shows how important John is to Bruce.

 Scene 10:

   This is one of my favourite moments from episode 5, probably even one of my favourites of the whole game. I’m aware that many glossed of this, and perhaps the only reason I picked it up instantly was because I was already thinking how important John was to me (Bruce). The way this scene plays out is brilliant, but I know we all wanted Alfred to finish saying what he was saying. If only Bruce hadn’t cut him off, but it’s Bruce cutting him off that makes this scene very clear to me.

  Bruce is being very defensive towards Alfred. He’s giving him that challenging look too, on Alfred too, who just patched him up. What other possible reason would Bruce have to be defensive about? Can you think of one, because I have no idea what else this could mean, other than that Alfred was going to question Bruce’s dismissive behaviour about John’s antics on the fact that Bruce actually loves him. Again, very irrational thinking. Alfred knows, but he lets the subject slide, realizing that Bruce doesn’t want to talk about it (damnit Bruce!)

  It’s very sad to see Bruce with pleading eyes like that too, which will happen regardless of your choice, but I like to think with whatever you choose, canonly, Bruce is sad about John. The other choices are basically silence, “don’t put the blame on me”, and “you’re right, I guess I just didn’t want to see it”, which are all choices that aren’t against John, so Bruce’s expression makes perfect sense.

 Scene 11:

 Pardon the odd gifs being weird, I don’t know what that is.

  I don’t think Alfred’s even being subtle here. Feelings can mean in a friendship/brotherly kind of way, but with the usual nature of Batman’s and Joker’s relationship across other media, I feel that Alfred is talking about something more intense. Alfred has mentioned feelings before, when referring to Selina. The same can be applied here. All of these happen regardless of which choice you pick, except the mention of John being a friend. Again, even if you pick something completely against John, in this game, Bruce will display otherwise, and the emotion is strong.

 I know this is long, but I hope you enjoy it.

[leiandcharles]

F, G, M, N!

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? 

7 years? I got into the One Tree Hill fandom in about the third season I think and was active in it until about a year or so after the show ended so that’s about 7 years and It’s been about that long for OUAT too, I watched the first season live and was pretty quickly obsessed with the show but I didn’t find the fandom until the second season and obviously I’m still here so

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it? 

Yep, just answered my first was Laura and Almonzo, but another one I really liked when I was young was Cory and Topanga from Boy Meets World

M - Your favorite fanart or fanartist 

Oh man these are tough because I have so many favorites and I also wouldn’t want someone to feel bad if I don’t say them. I’ll name a few but there are definitely more artists than this that I really really admire 

@scribblecat27 just yes. ugh everything is so beautiful! the watercolors the charcoals the sketches just so gorgeous. She’s made some of my all time favorite pieces, I even got one signed by Colin! & will love it always

@bleebug like every single piece is soo beautiful and so cute or so hot! that Millian one! *fans self*

@svenjaliv a mastery of colors and emotions! I mean every single new piece I see, or even old works on my dash just makes me gasp. I could stare at so many of them for hours. And also the sketches are so gorgeous!  

@queen-mabs-revenge those Millian and Milah manips ajkscnseovn I love them a lot a lot

@cocohook38 ugh such beautiful pieces. The details! Amazing! and the chibi’s are sooo cute!

@flipperbrain also has an incredible use of color and emotions and the line work is just ugh amazing! really really beautiful stuff

@lumadreamland I’m including gifs okay because her gifs are always sooo pretty! like really gdamn gorgeous colorings and every gifset has me 😍like teach me your ways! and also she is one of the gifmakers who inspired me to start making gifs in the first place!

YOU! those Alice pieces! so beautiful! the knightrook one with the letters ugh yes! and the one of Alice on her birthday, that great big dark space with her looking so little and alone with only her little candle as light and the tears! still kills me

N - Your favorite fanfiction or fanauthor

honestly its been a while since I’ve really read ff, I read little one shots here and there but I haven’t like really sat down and read anything in so long so I know I would forget people so I am only going to name a few that just come to mind (and that I know haven’t changed their urls cause that always messes me up)

@montanarosalie she’s not online anymore but man I can read her works over and over again and still sob as much as I did the first time I read it. Each one of her works is just so beautiful. 

@winterbythesea (sneaking her in here twice) I could just go on and on about characterization and perfect use of emotions (with art and fic like damn she’s good at hitting emotions) and great pace and ugh so many other things but I’ll just say two words - fuckin. brilliant.

@laschatzi beautiful beautiful beautiful works. she’s written some of my all time favorite fics. I love every single fic of hers I read, just characterization is spot on, powerful storytelling, great use of emotion and use of humor. Brilliant, beautiful, passionate, all words I’d use (and most definitely have used) to describe her fics

@killianmesmalls tears my heart out all the time with absolutely beautiful knightrook fics but then also makes it all better. I was looking through my fic tag earlier to add knightrook fics to the fyes blog and saw I once used the tag “I love how much this hurts my heart” for one of her fics and man that is accurate. her fics hurt my heart in all the best ways and I love that a lot. 

Ask me: FANDOM EDITION

[the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt]

All Things Considered

Summary:  When word of Robert Siegel's departure from NPR's "All Things Considered" goes public, Emma gets the chance to compete for her dream job. All that stands in her way are nine fellow journalists - one of them being the charismatic yet cocky Killian Jones. When she ends up paired with Killian on the first story, things get more complicated as she tries to balance fighting for her long-time aspiration and her budding relationship with this fascinating fellow reporter. Rating: M (for mention of sexual assault) Word Count: Just under 15k Also on: Ao3

Cover Art by Lilo: http://liloproductions.tumblr.com/post/170946506621/artwork-all-things-considered-by Gifset by Megan (spoiler alert): http://sailingcaptainswan.tumblr.com/post/170946398295/all-things-considered-by

A/N:��Brace yourselves, everyone. This has got to be the longest thank you/author’s note ever written.

First off, a warning: This story contains mention of sexual assault.

Now, thank yous: My first thank you has to go to @theonceoverthinker for listening to my ideas and frustrations and always supporting me, even though I refused to spoil the story for her. She didn’t have much to work with, but she helped anyway. Oh, and she absolutely wrote the summary for this story. Thank you, Jenna! Next thank you goes to @liloproductions. She took my near-15,000 words and turned them into some gorgeous cover art. This was really the first piece of art I’ve ever seen based on my writing, and I couldn’t have asked for a better artist to put all the details into an actual masterpiece. I definitely still stare at this piece every so often in complete awe. Lilo, thank you so, so much! (Oh, on top of her art skills, she’s a joy to talk to.) I was lucky enough to be matched with two artists, so I want to give the next thank you to @sailingcaptainswan. Not only did she leave the BEST comments on my story as she read it, but she also created an amazing gifset, which presents highlights from the story beautifully. I refused to close the tab with the gifset on my laptop from the time it was finished to today. Megan has some serious talent. I can’t believe she produced such an incredible gifset when she had two other stories to work on as well. She’s amazing. Megan, thank you so very much! And now @best-left-hook-jones. Wow. I am so lucky to have gotten such an amzing, incredible, wonderful beta. She is the only reason this story is readable. She’s a formatting master, diction superstar, and all-around great human being. This story would never be where it is now if not for her. I really got the jackpot in the beta lottery. She’s so supportive, and I can’t find it in me to delete any of the sweet comments she left on my story. She is a saint to put up with all my questions and ramblings and crazy weird schedule. So a HUGE thank you to my word filter, my own personal cheerleader, and NPR’s newest fan. :) THANK YOU!!! Shout out to everyone who put the Captain Swan Little Bang together and helped us out along the way. I can’t wait to read all the other stories in the project!

A few quick disclaimers before the good stuff: NPR and WBUR are real radio stations/news outlets. “All Things Considered” and “It’s Been a Minute” are real shows/podcasts on NPR. Robert Siegel, Sam Sanders, Linda Holmes, and Kelly McEvers are real reporters/hosts on NPR. I do not own any of the above.

Congrats on making it to the end of my thank yous! 

Before you proceed to the story, BEWARE. There is mention of sexual assault. The rating is M for this reason, so proceed with caution. No smut, sorry.

Now, enjoy the story!

“Come in, Miss Swan.”

Emma stopped pacing the hallway and followed her boss into the office. To say Emma was nervous would be an understatement. She loved her job, and she took pride in a job well done, so she couldn’t figure out why her boss had requested her presence. And not knowing may have been worse than knowing she did something wrong and dreading the meeting all day. But she showed up at her boss’ office as soon as her shift was up, not even stopping at her own cubicle so she could get ready to head home after the mysterious meeting. Getting there early led to the nervous pacing as Emma let her mind wander, debating what she could have possibly done wrong to warrant a talk with her boss. Being called to come in was almost a relief.

“Thank you for coming by.”

Emma sat in the chair facing her boss, suddenly feeling far too low on the ground. Her boss sat across from her, seeming to tower over the big mahogany desk, and Emma actually had to look up to make eye contact. Appropriate, Emma thought, as the state of her job and general well-being was in the hands of the woman looking down at her. Her boss sighed when Emma didn’t say anything.

“You’re not in trouble, Emma.”

Regina Mills - station manager at Storybrooke Public Radio - crossed her legs under her desk, pulled the jacket of her pantsuit tighter around her, and turned her laptop so Emma could see the screen.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Robert Siegel is leaving ‘All Things Considered’.” Emma shook her head, still unsure of why exactly she was called into her boss’ office. Regina didn’t try to hide her eye roll at Emma’s inability to put the pieces together. “Robert Siegel is leaving ‘All Things Considered,’ which means there’s an opening for a host position at NPR.”

Regina sighed again at Emma’s silence, irritation creeping into her voice as she continued. “The job will be open to anyone, but NPR wants, ideally, to hire someone from one of their member stations.”

Emma nodded, a bit stunned at the course of the conversation.

“The managers at NPR are asking member stations for recommendations. They want reliable reporters who are strong journalists, and I’ve given them your name.”

Emma couldn’t be sure how far her jaw dropped, but she wouldn’t be surprised if it hit the floor. NPR was the big leagues of public radio, and working there had been Emma’s goal since her first story had gotten picked up by her college’s radio station. She’d immediately changed her major from criminal justice to journalism and radio. Journalism was Emma’s chance to give a voice to the voiceless and shed some light on matters of importance. Emma Swan had a talent for presenting news in an unbiased manner, and she had something of a built-in lie detector that repeatedly proved helpful in sniffing out the truth from the lies - a skill of great value in the world of journalism. And now Emma Swan had a real chance to work for NPR.

Realizing she’d been staring at her boss with a dumbstruck look on her face for a questionable amount of time, Emma shook herself out of it. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Regina.”

“You’ll still need to go through the application process, but your work at this station gives you an edge. Of course, there will be plenty of other people in your situation, but I know how talented you are, Miss Swan. You have a gift for radio journalism.” Emma had known Regina since high school, and she’d never heard her compliment someone like that. Her jaw dropped for the second time.

“I expect you won’t let me down.”

“Of course not. I want this.” Emma had never felt more determined in her entire life.

“You may go now, Miss Swan.”

Emma stood up and walked to the door. She paused before walking out.

“Thank you.”

Regina just nodded, not looking up from her laptop. Emma took that as her cue to leave her boss’ office. She went straight home after rushing to pack up her stuff for the day. Immediately upon arriving at her apartment, she printed the application for the job. She made the decision right then and there that she wouldn’t settle for anything less than her dream position. Emma Swan was going to work for NPR, no matter what it took.

Emma tapped her foot a few times and sighed to herself. She and nine others - she’d counted - had been called in to come to NPR’s headquarters in DC. She’d been thrilled to receive the email, at least until she was directed to a conference room she now shared with the other hopefuls. The nine other interviewees were talking amongst themselves, but Emma had no desire to get to know the competition.

A man walked in the room, effectively silencing the chatter. He looked like a man who was used to silencing rooms with his entrance, so it didn’t surprise Emma when he introduced himself as part of NPR’s Human Resources department. His name was Andrew Ventequez, but he told the competitors to call him Andrew.

“You’ve all gotten past the application review and your first two interviews. We narrowed down over 200 applicants to just the ten of you. And since the job is so high-profile and public, we decided we’d try to do something different. We’re going to make this process a little more interesting.”

Emma frowned. She didn’t want ‘interesting’. She very much wanted ‘simple and usual’.

“Most of you are from member stations, a couple of you are not. Regardless, we want to hold a competition of sorts. Winner takes the hosting gig of ‘All Things Considered’ and a regular reporting job here at NPR.”

Emma could do competition. Years of living in group and foster homes made her naturally competitive. She was going to wipe the floor with these other reporters.

“So what will this entail? Basically, we’re going to have you all work on stories, and we’ll feature them on different NPR shows. Even if you don’t get the position, you’ll have been featured. We’ll occasionally suggest stories we want covered, and the rest you’ll find on your own. We will evaluate how you cover the stories both in writing, and on air. We also want to get the donors involved. While our evaluations will make up the bulk of our hiring criteria, we will be asking the opinions of our donors.”

A chorus of chatter arose in the room. The ten applicants glanced around at each other, sizing the others up. Emma peeked around as well, intrigued by the challenge and ready to crush it.

“The competition will begin tomorrow. Today, we’ll give you a tour around the complex, and we’ll let you take some time to get to know each other.”

Emma wasn’t interested in getting to know anyone. Once the competition was over, she’d likely never see any of them again. Thinking she could escape to the hallway until the tour, she slunk back and tried to make her escape. But before she could dart out of the room, her path to the door was blocked.

“Killian Jones, Boston Public Radio. And you are?”

Emma huffed out a breath and stood up straight, taking in Killian Jones. Damn, he was attractive. He was dressed in clothes that absolutely had to be made for him - clothing just doesn’t look like that on most people. Black jeans, a dark blue button-down shirt, and a black leather jacket. Well, hot damn. Her eyes trailed upward; his shirt was strategically unbuttoned at the top, displaying thick, dark tufts of chest hair. Emma’s mouth was getting dry already. Forcing her gaze from his chest, she scanned him from the neck up - well-groomed scruff and hair of a god. It was professionally disheveled - if that’s even a thing - and it made him look good. Snap out of it, Emma.

She met his eyes, ready to narrow her own and challenge him. Boy, was that a mistake. She had never seen anything so blue in all her life. His eyes were the color of forget-me-nots, and there was so much soul in his eyes, she could get lost. Hell, she probably stared into them for an unreasonable amount of time, but she couldn’t be sure because she also seemed to lose track of time in that blue. Ripping her eyes away from the magnetic pull of his, she crossed her arms and glared at him.

“Everything alright, love?”

She didn’t realize his hand had been extended this whole time. She ignored it.

“I’m not your love.”

“Well, considering you haven’t told me your name, I don’t know what I’m to call you.” He leaned back against the doorframe - wow, she’d been so close to escaping before he trapped her - and cocked his head at her, waiting for her to say something.

Looking at the floor, she answered him, “Emma Swan, Storybrooke Public Radio.” She still didn’t take his hand. He took that as his cue to drop it.

“I’ve never heard of Storybrooke before.”

“Wouldn’t expect you to.”

“Where is it, if I may ask?”

“Maine.”

“You’re not making it easy to speak to you, Swan.” She tried to move to the door, but he got up from leaning on the doorframe to block her.

“Maybe that’s because I don’t feel like talking.”

“To me?”

“To anyone. Hence why I was trying to leave the room before you blocked me.” She may have pointed her finger at him on the word “you.” He may have smirked. The idiot.

“And you don’t want to get to know the competition? Sniff out any weaknesses?”

“Don’t need to. I’ll win anyway.”

“You’re pretty confident there, Swan.”

“My name is Emma. And I’m confident because I know I’m good.”

“So is everyone in this room,” he clicked his tongue, “allegedly.” He shrugged.

“Is that what you’re doing?”

“What?”

“Sniffing out my weaknesses?”

“I don’t think you have any.” Emma wasn’t expecting that answer. She was stunned silent. She hoped she didn’t let the shock show on her face, but by the smirk on his, she’s pretty sure she wasn’t successful at controlling that particular facial expression.

Emma raised an eyebrow in question.

“I may have just met you, Swan, but I know better than to underestimate you.” He stood up from against the doorframe and moved aside, clearing the doorway for Emma. She eyed him for a moment before stepping toward the open doorway.

As she passed him on her way out, she turned and said, “good,” leaving him to watch as she left.

Emma was no happier to see the other nine reporters at NPR headquarters the next day. However, Emma was happy to begin the actual competition. She’d been itching to do a story since she arrived in DC. Positioning herself as close to the door as possible without actually being in the hallway, she stood and waited. She wanted to get some of the complimentary coffee on the table in the far end of the room, but Killian Jones was sitting there talking to two of the other competitors. Emma figured she could go without coffee if it meant avoiding being roped into another conversation with Killian Jones.

“Alright reporters,” the NPR executive - Andrew - clapped his hands once as he entered the same conference room from the previous day. “We can’t expect your home stations to fund your housing for the entirety of the competition, so we are going to provide you with rooms at a hotel a few blocks from here.” Emma spared a glance at her competitors. Everyone seemed to be in agreement that this was exciting. Emma was certainly thrilled at the idea; the hotel Regina set her up with was pretty run-down, but it had the basic necessities. Any hotel NPR put her in was going to be a step up.

“However...” There’s a catch? “...We only have six hotel rooms.”

Emma looked around. Six rooms for ten competitors? That didn’t add up.

“We’re going to have you partner up for your first story in the competition.”

Wait, what? Emma was supposed to be competing against these people, not working with them.

“We are going to review your partner stories and eliminate two pairs.”

Now Emma was nervous. She was never big about relying on other people. In her experience, other people pretty much sucked. And now her spot in this competition depended upon another person.

“We’re going to let you all partner yourselves up, and the two of you will pick your own story together.”

This was just getting worse and worse. Emma was starting to regret not talking to anyone yesterday, except - crap. Her stomach dropped as she realized exactly what was going to happen. She was going to have to work with Killian Jones. She was sure of it, even despite the fact that he was standing with their fellow competitors - three of the females eyeing him from all across the room. She knew she was going to end up working with him.

“You can get started now. Stories are due in two days.” Andrew nodded once and walked out of the room.

Confirming her prediction, Killian immediately strutted over to where Emma was standing, ignoring the calls from other - female - reporters asking him to work with them.

“Swan,” he smiled.

“Hey, Jones.” Emma stared at her boots. She really didn’t know any of the other competitors, so was it so bad to work with Killian on one story? Maybe he’s a really great journalist, she thought to herself, he must be to have gotten this far.

“Do you have a partner yet?” Empty question. He knew she didn’t. She knew he knew.

“Um… not really.” She raised her eyes to meet his. His smile brightened.

“Would you do me the honor of being my partner?” She rolled her eyes.

“You’re not proposing, Jones.” He shrugged. “But sure.”

“Really?”

“Why not? You’ve already sized me up. And now you can tell me everyone else’s weaknesses.” She couldn’t help but smile a bit as he chuckled.

“And why would I do that? I did all the work.”

“But now we’re on the same team. We share a common enemy - or enemies, I guess.” Killian’s tongue trailed along his bottom lip in some obscene kind of way.

“Fair point, Swan.” Letting out the breath she’d been holding since that tongue thing, Emma smiled at Killian despite being unsure of what to say next. “We should figure out our story.”

“Yeah.” Emma glanced around the room. “But not here.”

“We can always go to my hotel room,” Killian winked. Emma tensed. She knew he didn’t mean anything by it; it was just flirty banter to him. But that didn’t stop her breathing from quickening.

“Um… No. Um… There’s a Starbucks down the street. There.” She hoped Killian didn’t notice how breathless she sounded.

If he did, he said nothing. “Lead the way, Swan.”

“Why don’t you reserve us a table, Swan? I’ll get the drinks.”

“I can pay for my own drink.”

“I never suggested otherwise. I simply wanted to be a gentleman.” Emma crossed her arms in the middle of the coffee shop.

“I’m getting my own drink.”

He put his hands up in surrender and followed her as she took a spot in line. She was looking at the shoulders of the woman in front of her, but Emma could feel Killian’s stare on her. She tugged on the zipper of her red leather jacket and turned to face him when he tapped her arm. He raised his eyebrows in greeting.

“I won’t buy you a drink, but can I buy you a cookie?” She raised an eyebrow; he mirrored the pose. “Something?”

“Look, I don’t like when guys pay for me. It makes them feel entitled to things.”

His eyebrows went from questioning to furrowed in mere seconds. He didn’t have to ask what kind of things. He knew. Emma frowned. She didn’t mean to give so much away. No one in this competition needed to know anything personal about her, yet she couldn't control her reactions around Killian for some reason. He was already dangerously close to learning some things about Emma's past she'd rather not revisit.

“Swan,” he said softly. She made a noise in her throat that could be considered questioning. “It’s your turn to order.” Emma felt her cheeks grow hot as she turned around and ordered a hot chocolate - she really didn’t need the coffee if she and Killian were just going to be talking. She was alert enough as is. Coffee would only make her more jittery.

After paying for her own drink, she stepped to the side to wait for it. Killian joined her moments later, a drink already in his hand.

“How do you already have your drink?” She glared at the white and green cup in his hand, thinking he must have flirted with the barista to get her to make it right away for him.

“Black coffee. Doesn’t need to be prepared.” Emma scrunched her nose. She couldn’t drink coffee without a ton of sugar and flavoring. He chuckled at her disgusted facial expression. It was weird standing there with him while neither of them said anything.

“Go get us a table or something.”

“But then who will retrieve my scone?” Of course he’d gotten a scone. “I am from Britain after all.” It was like he read her mind. She looked at him - wow, he had a nice profile.

“Why’d you move here?” He turned to look at her, blue eyes meeting green.

“Personal questions already? We've just been acquainted, Swan.”

“We're journalists. Asking questions is what we do.” She just hoped he wouldn't. And, yes, she was totally aware of the double standard there.

“Well, Swan, my brother and I had a rough childhood. Both of our parents...” he paused to consider his wording, “...left us back in England.” There was more to that. He chose that wording carefully. By the look on his face, he knew he’d been caught in the half-truth, but he continued. “We wanted to distance ourselves from those memories.”

He stepped forward to pick up his freshly-warmed scone using the same hand that held his coffee. Emma almost missed the call for her hot chocolate because she was too busy staring at him. That was all in the realm of incredibly personal. Who could blame her for staring in shock for a questionably long moment?

She grabbed her drink and followed him to a table.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Swan. I’ve come to terms with my past.”

“I didn’t really have a family either. I’m a foster kid.” Well, add that to the ridiculous number of personal things Killian found out about Emma today. She was just disclosing everything to him. That probably meant something. She decided not to dwell on that thought.

“‘Am’? Present tense?”

“Never really ended up with a family. My own fault. I ran away before they could realize they didn’t want me.” She gulped her hot chocolate to keep from saying more. It burned her throat on the way down and she coughed into her arm. She probably deserved the burn; maybe it would serve as a reminder to keep her mouth shut. They were only there to figure out their story.

“We can focus on our story if you want, Swan.” She gaped at him. He always seemed to know what she was thinking.

“How-”

“You’re something of an open book.” Emma narrowed her eyes. His ability to read her so easily freaked her out, but he could probably read that, too. She was thankful he didn’t show it. Instead, he ripped off a chunk of his scone and popped it into his mouth. “So, our story. Did you have any preferences?”

“I want to do something on the Harvey Weinstein Effect.”

He groaned. He actually groaned.

“What?” She gripped her hot chocolate slightly tighter than she should have, but still kept the cup’s structure functional.

“Everyone is covering the sexual assault stories.” He definitely noticed Emma tense at his words. Maybe she wasn’t the only open book in this relationship.

“People are still judging the credibility of the victims.”

“Some people are lying for the attention.” He wasn't trying to test her - that much she could tell. But he also wouldn't quite meet her eyes; he looked at the mugs for sale on a shelf behind Emma to her left instead. Perhaps he was suspicious about her connection to the issue.

“That’s true. But most people aren’t lying. And people are suggesting it was their fault - the victims, I mean - and that’s if they even believe the stories at all.” Emma sat up straighter. She was going to win this.

“Covering this - it’s not original. It won’t get us through.”

“What are your ideas, genius?” She crossed her arms. She was being overly defensive. If she were him, she would’ve been able to read her, too.

“The 25th anniversary of Aladdin.”

She exhaled harshly.

“Seriously? You want to do a story on a cartoon genie when women are getting accused of ‘asking for’ men to assault them?” She put air quotes around “asking for” and leaned in as she spoke. She was an uncomfortably close distance to his face. She could smell the coffee on his breath when he spoke next.

“Why are you pushing so hard for this?”

This wasn’t fair. He knew exactly why. He could read her. He’s probably known since she’d suggested Starbucks.

“Swan,” he sat back and his eyes dropped to the table. “I’m sorry, Swan. I’m pushing.” Emma sat back as well, taking a couple deep breaths and nodding to acknowledge his apology. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want to understand why you're so passionate about covering an entirely unoriginal story.”

Maybe it wasn’t the most original topic, but it was important - really important. They were going to do this story no matter what it took. Emma was determined. She knew what she had to do.

“If I tell you why this means so much to me, will you do the story?” Emma’s eyes were transfixed on the place where her cup was resting on the table.

“That’s fair.” He leaned closer to her when she didn’t say anything. “Try something new, darling. It’s called trust.”

“I don’t have the easiest time trusting people.”

She hesitated, but lifted her eyes to look at the man across from her. His eyes were wide and full of compassion. She definitely looked as terrified as she felt. She wasn't really going to tell him this - was she?

“You don’t have to tell me. We can do your story anyway. I know it means a lot to you.” He was giving her an out. She could take it and they would still do her story. But why did she suddenly want to tell him?

“No. If you're sacrificing your story idea for me, for an idea you're not confident in, then you deserve to know.” He said nothing. He was going to let her do this at her own pace. She appreciated that. This was something she had tried very hard to suppress. It had been a decade - at least - since she said the words aloud. “I wasn’t always going to be a journalist.”

“Oh?”

“I was a criminal justice major at first. I wanted to be a cop.”

He grinned. “Sheriff Swan?” He was attempting to make her less nervous. It may have worked - just a little.

Killian was harmless - her lie detector never sounded with him. The therapist she was forced to see had said talking about it would help her move on. Though, admittedly, her therapist probably hadn’t meant Emma should tell an almost-stranger. Semantics. Emma decided at that moment that she would tell him. Trust - she was trusting him.

She followed his questioning. “That was the goal. Or maybe detective.”

“You are certainly tough enough to be in law enforcement.”

“Yeah, well, I ended up switching to journalism my first semester.”

She was about to tell someone her story for the first time since college. It was daunting. She usually tried not to think about it, and yet, she was about to tell Killian Jones, who she had only just met yesterday. And in the middle of a Starbucks near NPR headquarters no less. How the hell had she let herself get into this situation? And why wasn't she more freaked out about it? Damn Killian.

“I interned with the campus police. Freshman interns were almost unheard of, but I passed all the exams.” He looked genuinely impressed. “The intern mentor - his name was Neal. He was new that semester. He was in charge of all the interns. He gave us assignments and signed our paperwork and everything.”

She watched Killian’s face change as he put the pieces together. He was already ahead of her, it seemed. He immediately opened his mouth to speak.

“Swan,” his voice was low and careful. “I didn’t know - I didn’t - I wouldn’t have -” Emma had never heard Killian stutter before. “I just thought you had a story that meant a lot to you or something. Or a friend. I don't know. I never thought-” His right hand shot up to scratch behind his ear. He really hadn't figured it out until now.

“What happened to open book?” Her effort at light-hearted teasing fell a bit short.

“You’re just so tough. I didn’t think you could have gone through anything like that.”

“I don’t exactly advertise it.”

“I’m sorry for pushing. I really just thought you encountered a story somewhere that was exceptionally moving. Or maybe you had a friend that went through it.” He had no clue what to say. That was a first. “Oh, gods, Swan. I am so sorry.” Emma just shook her head. He really felt bad.

His eyes widened again with another realization. “Oh, Swan. I never meant anything by any of my comments.”

“What?” She was a little surprised he found something else to apologize for, especially when she had no idea what he was talking about.

“Liam always told me my merciless flirting would get me in trouble.” Oh. Oh. “Apologies, Swan. I never meant to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, no, no. I know you never meant anything.” Killian made a noise sounding like a cough that got stuck in his throat. “I have this superpower. I always know when someone is lying. And I knew you wouldn’t do anything.” He visibly sighed in relief. “Trust me, if I saw anything bad in you, I would not be here with you right now.”

“I still apologize. I made some inappropriate comments, and I pushed you too far. I just wanted to get to know you, and instead I’m making a right arse of myself.”

He wanted to get to know her? That was new. Even more, this was the first time a man had ever considered his own actions and apologized to her - not out of pity, but genuinely. And Emma knew Killian meant every word. Something about that made her more inclined to open up to him. None of this was in the plan, but it was happening.

Emma never would have continued if he wasn’t so genuine.

“So Neal-”

“Swan, you don’t have to.”

“Surprisingly, I want to.” And she meant it. It didn't make sense and it scared the hell out of her, but she wanted to tell Killian Jones her story. He considered for a moment before conceding.

“In that case, I would be honored to learn more about your beginnings, Swan.” He took a sip of his coffee and waited for her to take over the conversation.

She was really going to do this. Her heart was beating at what was probably a very worrying speed. She was anxious to verbalize the event after a decade of suppressing it. And maybe it made her a little hopeful. Her therapist may have been onto something - not that Emma would ever admit it.

“Neal had all the interns doing office jobs at first - mostly paperwork. And one day, he asked me if I wanted to grab some pizza after work. I didn’t want to, but I went anyway. I figured I could show him I had what it took to be put on different jobs. So we got pizza at a place near campus. The next day, I got to help with campus security.”

Killian was already visibly cringing in anticipation.

“I went back to paperwork after that. So when he asked me to grab tacos with him a few days later, I went. The next day, I got another security job.”

“Swan, you can stop.” She shook her head.

“You need to hear this to the end.”

She barely heard his whispered, “okay.”

“Neal and I kept going out. Every time we did, I’d get jobs. I think the other interns basically knew what was going on. Some of them went out with him to get jobs, too. But none of us said anything. I know it was kinda naive, but I thought the more he got to know me, the more he saw potential.”

“Wait,” Killian interrupted her story. She almost glared at him, but he looked adamant he say whatever was on his mind. “What happened - it wasn’t your fault.”

It took her a moment too long to respond. “I know.”

He nodded skeptically and pulled off a chunk of his scone. She could practically see him thinking, but he was letting her speak.

“And one night, we were out for pizza. He suggested we watch a movie at his apartment. I told him I had a lot of homework, so I was just going to head back to my dorm. He said that if I went over and just watched a movie, then I could shadow a campus officer. Not just security, but on the job with an actual police officer. All I had to do was watch a movie with him.”

She paused.

“So I did. And we watched a movie, and I went home. And the next day, I shadowed an officer for the first time.”

Killian was remarkably attentive. Emma was seriously reconsidering the conceited, self-sure image she formed of him after their conversation the previous day. But he was still going to be her competition after the partner stories - they were absolutely going to win; she was sure of it - something she had to keep in mind. She was telling him this for her own sanity, and maybe a little for the sake of their joint-story. But she was absolutely doing this for herself, and once she realized that, she found the strength to keep talking.

“He asked me back to his apartment again a couple weeks later, and, of course, I went. I wanted to shadow again. But during the movie, he- he, um… he slid his hand under my shirt.”

Killian clenched his jaw.

“I told him ‘no’. I said that I wasn’t comfortable with it, but he kept going. And then he unbuttoned my jeans...”

“Swan,” he interrupted her as he exhaled through gritted teeth.

“I was frozen at first. I knew I couldn’t do anything without jeopardizing my internship. But he kept going. I didn’t actually let him, you know, do anything. And he never asked me out again. But I didn’t have another job for two weeks. And then I got dropped from the internship program.” She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before opening them and continuing, “I reported it to the college. It was this big thing. We went to university court and everything.”

“But?” He was smart. Of course there was a “but.”

“But the case was a he-said-she-said case, and the court sided with the ‘he said’ side.” She didn’t think Killian could move with that amount of tensed muscles, but she watched as his face fell with the news. “They just thought I was making it up to retaliate for getting fired from the program. Or they thought we must have been drunk, or that I must have been wearing something revealing - neither of which makes it okay. But the point is that no one took me seriously.”

His right eyebrow shot up to his hairline when she smiled.

“I went to the journalism department in hopes that someone would tell my story. I ended up at the college radio station. They picked it up - my story. I took the names out, more to protect myself, and they ran the story four times that first day.”

Emma took interest with a car in the parking lot visible through the window behind Killian.

“A local station heard the story and picked it up. Then the newspapers. And local TV news. The college got into a lot of trouble. I’m pretty sure they knew it was me, but they weren’t going to punish me because they’d get in even more trouble. Anyway, it was then that I saw what journalists can do. I saw how important journalism is to society. I loved that they believed me, and they actually made change happen. The college changed all their proceedings for sexual assault charges. So yeah, I switched my major the day I saw my story on the news.”

Killian put his coffee cup on the table and leaned in.

“Thank you for telling me. You didn’t have to.”

“I know. But I don’t want to let that control me anymore.”

And it was true. She felt freer already. She wasn’t sure what it was about Killian, but she trusted him completely. And her usual urge to run was nowhere to be found. That should have scared her the most. It didn’t. That must be significant. She tried not to dwell on that.

Emma grabbed her hot chocolate and took a large swig of it - anything to keep from thinking about how much she trusted this near-stranger named Killian Jones who was practically thrown into her life.

“I was right.” She put her cup down and sent him a questioning look

“Huh?”

“You don’t have any weaknesses.”

“Can I ask you something?” They were back at Starbucks. Emma was typing up the story she and Killian were meant to do together for the website while Killian was working on notes for them to reference on air.

“Of course.”

“You thought I was passionate because I had a story that meant a lot to me.” She paused her typing.

“Mhm.” He didn’t even look up from his laptop.

“Is that because you have a story like that?” She got her answer when he stopped typing and his eyes widened. His right hand darted upward to scratch behind his ear.

“Um… Actually, I did.” His cheeks went red.

“Do you feel comfortable sharing it with me?” She closed her laptop and looked at Killian.

“Well, after what you told me yesterday, I feel like telling you is the least I can do.”

“No, stop.” She put her hand up to cut him off. “I don’t want you to tell me because you think you should. You don’t owe me anything. Don’t tell me because you feel bad for me or whatever.” He looked a bit like a scolded child as a result of Emma’s stern tone.

“Swan, you trusted me.”

“Yeah, well-” She didn’t actually know where she was going with that. She didn’t understand why she trusted him - or why she still did.

“Well, I trust you as well. And if you felt better for having told me, then maybe telling you will help free me of this.”

“Okay.” She took a sip of her large hot chocolate, which she actually let Killian buy her. She also let him buy her a chocolate chip muffin.

“There was this woman-” That’s never a good start. “We, um… We were involved.”

“You know you don’t have to, right?”

“Aye. But I want to. All cards on the table.”

She nodded to motion for him to continue.

“Milah was her name. She was my British literature professor at university. It was attraction at first sight. She was beautiful and brilliant and-” he trailed off, shaking his head. “She was everything.”

“What happened?” Emma was surprised at how weak her voice sounded.

“She was married.” Emma’s mouth widened in a silent “oh.” He nodded. “I knew it when we began our relationship. She told me she filed for divorce. Her husband was a cold, cruel man.”

“She ‘told you?’” Emma wasn’t quite sure what Killian was getting at, but she was going to hear him out.

“She truly did file the papers, but her husband...” Emma decided to keep her mouth shut this time. “He refused to sign. He wouldn’t allow her the freedom of her relationships. And he had complete control of her finances as well. Unless she was with him, she had no money.” Killian scrubbed his hand over his face. “She left him anyway. She said she loved me so much, the money didn’t matter. She was able to change the bank account her salary went to, since she was still teaching. So she moved in with me. And we had all these big plans.”

“She encouraged me to use my talents as an English student to bring her situation with her husband into the light. Her husband was a rather prominent individual in the U.K., so I did it. And the story was successful.”

“But?”

“Aye, but.” He took a breath. “But her husband wasn’t happy we exposed him. She was able to get a restraining order against him, making them fully divorced. And she got her money back.” He took another breath. “But two months later, she was driving home and she drove into a guardrail on the road.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“The seatbelt was sliced by the rail, and so was she. She died in that car. And when they examined the car afterward, they noticed the brakes had been tampered with.”

“Her husband?”

“I believe so. But I couldn’t charge him because of lack of proof. They said we’d never be able to pin him to the crime.” Emma could see Killian was still torn up over the loss. “So I did what I did best - I wrote a story on it. I made it fairly clear in the story who did it, but I never actually named him. However, it was enough for the government to look into, and they arrested him for other things - fraud, bribery, failure to appear - among other things.”

“At least he got arrested.”

“Aye. I just wish it could be for what he did for Milah. She deserves justice.”

“You did what you could, and I know you might feel like it wasn’t enough, but you did a really good thing.”

“Well, thank you, Swan. She was my first real love - not just a conquest. I never thought I’d love again.”

“Thought? Past tense?” Killian’s eyes may have just sparkled as he nodded.

“Well, things change. And the future is nothing to be afraid of.”

Emma was certain she wasn’t the only one trying not to squirm in her rolling chair as she and Killian waited patiently for final preparations to be finished in the studio. Perhaps if they were alone, she could have settled some of the restlessness by chatting with Killian beforehand, going over the last lingering details again before they went on air. But seated just on her other side was Robert Siegel - actual NPR host and reason for her being there. Her right leg bounced with excitement and nerves.

Sure, she’s had a couple stories featured on NPR shows before, but she had always recorded those stories either onsite or back in the studio at Storybrooke Public Radio. Now, though, she was about to go live on “All Things Considered” with a story she was extremely proud of at NPR studios in Washington DC. This might just be the greatest moment of Emma’s life.

But apparently NPR couldn’t afford a third microphone, which was why her chair was pressed up against Killian’s, the pair squeezed in together to share the single microphone. At least they had their own headsets. But still, if Emma’s thigh was any further to her left, it would be touching Killian’s. And that was somehow even more unnerving than going live for her first story from NPR HQ.

Everything about Killian Jones overwhelmed Emma. He was sweet and smart and genuinely interested in getting to know her. She trusted him despite every experience she’s ever had telling her not to. And she wanted to be close to him - just maybe not practically sitting in his lap while she was supposed to be reporting on NPR and focused on destroying her competition, which included a certain Brit. A certain Brit whose breath smelled like black coffee, which Emma knew because he was currently breathing onto her face. She silently wished Robert Siegel would stop making conversation with Killian because every time the latter responded, she could feel his breath, hot on her cheek. It was entirely distracting, and Emma couldn’t afford distraction right now.

Emma tried to pay attention to Robert Siegel until they were to go live - ‘tried’ being the operative word. She felt like Killian was surrounding her, and he kind of was. He had an arm resting along the back of her chair, fingers dangling awfully close to Emma’s shoulder. His leg was less than an inch from her leg. And - gosh - if they leaned in to talk into the microphone at the same time, their faces would be touching.

Emma jerked her head to look at Killian when he nudged her with his elbow. He leaned in and whispered into her ear.

“Are you ready? Live in one minute.”

She shut her eyes for a moment and focused on the story. She was going to answer the questions and focus on her reporting. She needed this interview to go well. Their stories would be judged both on this interview and the written story that would go on the website. Her eyes shot to the NPR host on her right when he started speaking.

“And I’m Robert Siegel in Washington.”

This was it. Her first story for NPR from NPR studios.

“As more and more sexual assault allegations are brought up, how can we keep up with it all? With the seemingly never-ending accusations, how do we know what to believe? Here to shed some light on victim credibility are two talented reporters - one of whom may very well take my job in January - Emma Swan, of member station WSPR, and Killian Jones, of member station WBUR. Thank you both for joining me.”

Both Emma and Killian leaned in at the same time to respond. Her hair rubbed his cheek.

“Thank you for having us,” Emma got out first.

“It’s an honor to be here,” Killian added.

Focus, Emma. Focus on journalism and the words on the paper in front of you and the questions Robert Siegel was asking. Focus on anything but Killian’s beaming smile and how his coffee breath doesn’t even smell bad.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And she did - for the most part. She focused on her story and her responses, and she sounded not only coherent, but good - really good. And she only got distracted by Killian Jones when he absolutely gave her all the credit for their story on the air. Damn him. It was charming and honest and she could see the pride on his face. He was proud, but not of himself. He was proud of her.

When the news came in that they had passed their round and were to stay in the competition, Killian was quick to quip about them making quite the team. And he was right.

With their achievement came another prize; the remaining contestants would each be granted their own room for the remainder of the competition. It would be a welcome relief to have her own space again, but Emma couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed that she would no longer have Killian’s company bright and early each morning. They’d have group meetings, but now that they would be in nicer rooms, they had no reason to leave the hotel all the time. Not to mention that she and Killian weren’t working together anymore. But Emma and Killian wrote down each other’s room numbers when they got their room keycards anyway. Not that Emma planned to use that information or anything. Absolutely not. Because the partner work was finished and Killian was her competition again. And she had to get all thoughts of that smile beaming with pride for her out of her mind. But that, of course, was easier said than done.

Walking into NPR headquarters the following week was refreshing. Rather than being greeted by nine other reporters, there were only five other faces - only five other people she needed to destroy in order to live her greatest journalism dream. Emma saw only one problem: Killian Jones was one of those five people she had to destroy.

After getting to know him, even just a little bit, she found that she didn’t really have any desire to destroy Killian at anything. In fact, she kind of (absolutely) wanted to get to know him better. She wanted to root for him in the competition, too, because it had become clear over the past few days that he deserved the spot as much as she did. Not that she was about to give up her place in the competition to ensure he got the spot, though. Certainly not. She was slightly conflicted.

Her face fell when she walked in and wasn’t immediately greeted by a smile from Killian. She poured herself some of the coffee that was provided for free every morning and sat down in an end seat at the large table in the center of the conference room. Emma scanned the room, gazing just above the top of the phone she was pretending to use. She wasn’t about to let on that she was looking for Killian. Still, she couldn’t quite suppress the small smile that broke out on her face when she spotted him pacing back and forth in the hallway. After minutes of trying not to blatantly stare at him, he finally made her spying easier and walked in the room. He bypassed the free coffee altogether and immediately sat in the seat closest to Emma.

“Good morning, Swan.”

“Are you worried about something? That was quite a bit of pacing you did there.”

His cheeks immediately grew red, but he shook it off fairly quickly.

“You were watching?” He quirked an eyebrow.

She’d given herself up. Now it was Emma’s turn to turn red. She shrugged in response, not trusting her voice to hide her embarrassment.

“Well, Swan, it was nice of you to be worried about me. But I was merely speaking to my older brother. He’s in the Navy, and he doesn’t always get time to call. He wanted to check on how the competition was going.”

“That’s nice of him.” She winced as soon as the words left her mouth; her tone was drier than she hoped it would be. He gave her a curious look before returning his facial expression to normal. She interrupted before he could say anything. “Sorry. I didn’t mean for that to come out so bitter.”

“It’s fine, love. I understand.” He really did understand that she only sounded bitter because she never had a brother - or any relatives, really - to care about her like that.

Emma nodded in response, letting him know that she appreciated the understanding and he was free to continue talking. He took the cue.

“Liam can be overprotective for the both of us.”

“You’ve mentioned him a couple times before.”

“Aye. The best brother in the universe. He raised me, really.” Emma’s eyes dropped to her coffee cup, the contents quickly cooling. “When my mum died, my father turned to alcohol. Poor excuse for a father he was. Liam left school to work. My father spent all our money on drinks, and Liam wanted us to be prepared for the day he passed out in an alley and didn’t get up.”

Emma listened, not commenting. Killian was yet again opening up to her, and she was going to pay attention. They should probably stop making incredibly personal confessions in public places.

“That wasn’t what happened, though I think I’d prefer it. That probably makes me a horrible person, but I would rather have had my father die than abandon us like he did.” She could hear the anger in his voice. “The man was a coward.”

“For the record,” she interrupted, “I don't think that makes you a horrible person.”

He took a moment before speaking again.

“Well, thank you, Swan. I'm glad you see it that way.” Emma couldn’t believe he thought himself a horrible person. He wasn't anything even resembling horrible. She would have to make sure he knew that, but maybe she'd wait until after yet another one of his emotional stories.

“One day, he disappeared. After three weeks, Liam and I figured he wouldn't come back. We knew he hadn't passed out somewhere and finally succumbed to the alcohol because Liam checked. Every day for three weeks, he would go out after I was to go to sleep. He thought I was sleeping, but I wasn't. And I knew where he went every night. Another thing about my father; he always preferred Liam over myself. So Liam didn't have the disrespect I had towards the man - not yet, anyway. And he went out every night for those three weeks, searching all our father's frequented bars for him. No one in town had seen him. It was after those three weeks that a man came to our house. Liam knew the man from the docks. My brother always wanted to be a Navy man, so he got out on boats any chance he got. He worked at the docks for money after mum passed.” Killian paused and Emma watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed a couple times before continuing. “One of Liam's friends from the dock told us he saw our father boarding an unregistered ship. Since the ship wasn't registered, he had no idea of where it was headed or whose ship it was. He said he tried to get my father's attention and to stop the ship, but alas, it was fruitless.”

“What a dick,” Emma muttered out of instinct. She didn't really mean to say that out loud. Oops.

Killian chuckled. Phew.

“Aye. That he was.”

“Your brother sounds like a good guy.”

“The best. Had to grow up before his time, but he never complained once about any of it. He left school to work so he and I could eat. We never had much, but he would always give me more than he had himself. If we had soup for dinner, I got two helpings and he got one. At night, I had a pillow and blanket and he had a sleeping bag. He always made sure I did well in school, and he never let me worry about anything. He said that was his job and he'd take care of us both.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.” Emma could see the pride and admiration Killian had for his brother. “It took about half a year for him to win legal custody of me in court, and I still don't know how he did it. But he did. And then we decided to leave the country. Too many negative memories. We went to Boston with all our money and what few possessions were dear to us. It was near water. Then, he joined the Navy, and I attended school. And then I joined the Navy when I was of age.”

Killian really had quite the story. He seemed to look back with a sense of pride for his brother, but also something else Emma couldn't quite put her finger on. It wasn't longing or disappointment or sadness. She wished she could read that emotion, but she was fine with letting him keep talking.

“Liam was my captain. I rose to the rank of lieutenant before I got hurt.” He held up his left hand, which was covered by a black glove - a prosthetic. She had noticed it, but never had the courage to ask. It was convincing; she wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t worked so close with him. And he seemed to try to hide it most of the time. Now that she thought about it, he never once touched her with his left hand, he was always on her left side, and he constantly had his hand in his pocket. He watched her as she thought about it, shame seeming to creep into his eyes. Before she could reassure him that his hand - or lack thereof - was nothing to be ashamed about, he decided to sate her curiosity.

“We were docked away from home for some time, allowed to go into town and enjoy ourselves before our next orders came in. I had done a fair bit or drinking; seems I inherited my father's affinity for alcohol.” He spoke that last line through his clenched teeth. Loosening up, he took a breath and continued. “There was work to be done on the ship. My alcohol-addled brain decided to work on some of it. I thought I could make Liam and the rest of the crew happy by alleviating their workloads later. So I started some mechanical work.”

“Killian, I know where this is going. You don't have to keep telling me.”

He nodded. “I should spare you the details anyway.” He looked down at where his prosthetic hand rested on the table. Definitely shame. “The doctors couldn't save my hand. Liam stayed with me in hospital, taking leave from service for the time. I was an arse, but Liam made it his goal to make sure I recovered best I could and made something of myself. So once I finished physical therapy and he could trust that I wouldn't drink myself to death, he enrolled me in university. And you know how that story ends.”

Emma considered what to do next. She didn't want to say anything overly emotional, and she didn't think Killian wanted to hear it anyway. And there was something more to that story with Liam. Killian had told her what happened, but there was a feeling there, lingering just behind his words. He felt like he was always second-best to Liam. Overly emotional probably wouldn't do, although one day, she would have to tell him that he's absolutely second to none. And, god, he shouldn’t be ashamed of his disability.

But Andrew would be there soon to give them their assignment. So instead, she lifted up her cup of now cold coffee and made a toast. “To terrible pasts and broken people,” she said, taking a sip of the drink before handing the cup to Killian, who repeated the toast and took a swig of the coffee himself.

By the time Andrew walked through the door, Killian’s mood had seemed to improve, though Emma didn’t fail to notice how his gaze seemed to linger on her. How could she not notice, when she found herself sneaking her own glances at him?

They were down to five competitors now. Emma figured she might as well get to know at least the names of her fellow reporters (other than Killian). She learned their names were Jefferson, August, and Aurora. Jefferson, she found, was experimental and up for anything. He seemed a bit crazy, but that worked for some people. August was generally quiet and ultra-focused. He kept to himself with his eye on the prize, but Emma sensed he also had a gentle side. And Aurora was kind, and she cared about a lot of issues. She covered a wide range of stories, and the amount of care Aurora had for the subjects was clear.

All three of them were great journalists, but Emma felt confident she could take each one of them down. She and Killian worked together to sniff out their competitors’ weaknesses. Jefferson could be a bit too out there sometimes. August was too quiet for a hosting gig. And Aurora wasn’t much for stories about subjects she didn’t care deeply about.

Throughout Emma and Killian’s teamup, she tried to remember when she decided getting so close to a competitor was a good idea. She figured probably around the time he mentioned that they made a great team. And the amount of personal information shared by them both was incredible. Or alarming. The two of them settled into a routine. Emma had never had a routine involving anyone but herself. She just met the guy, yet they went to Starbucks every morning. And they worked, even on individual projects, together. She was even okay with going back to one of their hotel rooms. She may have fallen asleep on the hotel bed with him a few times while they were watching Netflix. The fact that she wasn’t uncomfortable with it should have terrified her. It didn’t.

Still, it was a wonder they could do such great work together when it felt that most of their time was taken up by sarcastic quips toward one another and bumping heads on seemingly everything. For two people who actually had a lot in common, they argued a lot. At least it was never over anything serious.

And Emma wasn’t stupid. She knew the talk going around. She saw the looks the other competitors gave her and Killian. They were a package deal, and everyone knew it. Even the NPR reporters they got to work with told Emma how much they loved her work with Killian. But as well as they worked together, they were competition. And Emma’s dream job was on the line. She was going to take that spot for herself. And nobody, especially not Killian Jones, was going to stop her.

Emma frowned when she walked into NPR HQ and wasn’t greeted by a sarcastic comment. Her fellow applicants were huddled together in the corner of the conference room.

“Where’s Jones?” She asked. Jefferson, August, and Aurora all stared at her in unison. Emma’s eyes flickered between the three. “What?”

“Didn’t you hear?” Aurora and Jefferson glanced at August nervously.

“Hear what?” Emma crossed her arms and stared August down. “What’s going on?”

“His brother,” August stated as if that explained everything. Emma raised her eyebrows and waited. “His brother died yesterday.”

“What happened?” Emma worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

“We don’t know. Something happened on his ship. The Navy won’t release anything yet.”

Aurora handed Emma a newspaper. “Check the obituaries.” Aurora kept her voice lowered as if Emma would scare off if she spoke louder. Emma found it immediately:

Captain Liam Brennan Jones passed away with full honors aboard the USS Jewel of the Realm on Tuesday, November 14, 2017. Capt. Jones left behind a brother, Lieutenant Killian Jones, of whom the Captain was immensely proud, and a fiancee, Elsa Arendelle. Funeral services will be held Friday, November 17, 2017 at Arlington National Cemetery, and Killian Jones will be presented with the Navy Cross on his brother’s behalf.

Emma was speechless. She immediately wanted to comfort him, but she figured he probably went home to deal with everything.

“Is he still in the competition?”

“Yeah. NPR is letting him take some time off.” Aurora approached Emma delicately - like she would break if she was too rough.

“None of us will be eliminated until he’s back, but we get to keep doing stories,” Jefferson added. Emma nodded. Good. Killian wouldn’t be eliminated for this.

“He was close with his brother, wasn’t he?” Aurora asked Emma.

“Why are you asking me? I never met his brother.”

“You two have been inseparable since the partner assignment,” August noted.

“Yeah, we all just kind of figured…” Aurora never finished that thought.

“We’re friends.” The three competitors shared a look. Emma rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Okay, seriously? We’re just friends. Only one of us can win after all, which means the other one will lose. That wouldn’t make for a great relationship.” Emma’s comment was met with silence and less than convincing nods from her fellow reporters. “But, yes, he and Liam were close. At least from what he told me, they were really close.”

“The poor thing,” Aurora’s hand covered her mouth and her eyes turned sad.

Emma was spared having to defend her relationship - or lack thereof - with Killian when Andrew walked in the room. She didn’t pay much attention to what he had to say, instead debating if she should call later or send flowers or both. Or if she should do nothing and wait until she saw him again. She overanalyzed each option to the point where she almost drove herself crazy.

When her competitors were knee-deep in story writing, she decided to send Killian a text. The rest would be up to him.

The following day, Emma entered the conference room and nearly dropped her hot chocolate when she saw Killian across the room. He was hunched over, his head resting on his arms where they were folded on the table. Emma ignored greetings from August and Aurora as she made her way over to Killian.

“Hey, Jones.”

His head shot up to look at her, and she got a good look at him. He looked worse for wear. His hair was way past the point of being disheveled, and his eyes were red and puffy. He’d been crying recently. Judging by the way he sniffed as he sat up, he had probably cried since arriving that day.

“Swan.” He gave her a watery smile.

“What are you doing here?”

His smile, as pretend as it was, disappeared in a flash.

“This is work, Swan. I need to show up if I want the job.”

“I don’t think anyone would blame you for taking a few days.” She kept eye contact with him. He looked so broken. He shook his head.

“Need to get back to normal. He wouldn’t have wanted me to give up my shot at this job for him.”

Emma pulled her lips behind her teeth. Comforting wasn’t really her thing. She peered at the hot chocolate in her hand before she slid it over so it was in front of Killian.

“Here.” He cocked an eyebrow at her, bringing back some semblance of normalcy. “Drink it.”

“No, Swan. It’s yours.” He stared at his lap.

“You need it more than me.” He raised his eyes to meet hers without lifting his head. He was being stubborn; she knew stubborn better than anyone. Crossing her arms, she sat back. “If you don’t drink it, I’ll throw it away. You wouldn’t want to waste a large hot chocolate, would you?” She shot him an encouraging smile.

“Of course not.” He took a sip of the drink. “Thank you, Swan.”

She nodded in response. As she watched him take another long sip of her hot chocolate, she was sure having to go the morning without the beverage was worth it. The warmth was returning to his cheeks already - not that she was looking or anything. Definitely not. She was just worried about him. Yeah, just worried. She felt bad that he just lost his brother - that was all. She snuck glances at him for the next ten minutes before Andrew came into the room.

“Hello, journalists. Before we begin, I want to express condolences - on behalf of all of us at NPR - for your loss, Killian. I am so sorry.”

“Thanks.” Killian tried his hardest to smile, but his eyes remained trained on the table in front of him.

“With the loss of Captain Liam Jones, it seems more people have died from naval incidents than the Afghan War this year.”

Emma shot Killian another concerned glance. She fought the urge to take his hand to comfort him.

“Emma, we want you to take that story. Get it done today and you’ll have off the rest of the week. Plus, you’ll be immune from elimination this week. The rest of you will pick your own stories for competition.” Emma looked at Killian again and bit her lip. “Is there a problem, Emma?”

“I just think maybe Killian should take it.” Every head in the room shot up to look at her.

“I’m not sure that’s such a great idea,” Aurora started.

“Well, I know he wants to be here and do a story, and he has a connection to this one. It might help him with-” she paused when she noticed no one’s expression had changed “-closure.” Besides, anyone could tell just from looking at him that he could use the time off.

“Killian, are you up to it?” Andrew looked skeptical.

The man in question sat up straighter and avoided Emma’s gaze. “Absolutely.”

“Alright then. Killian will take the Navy story. I want story idea pitches from the rest of you in 24 hours.” He left the room, leaving the journalists to work.

Emma couldn’t concentrate on story ideas because she was too busy worrying about Killian, who hadn’t moved since taking the story. His jaw was clenched and he was stiff. He was angry with her. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before deciding that saying nothing was probably the best option. Let him talk first.

Aurora was the first one to approach Killian. “Hey, why don't you work from your hotel room? You already have your story.” Emma absolutely didn’t notice Aurora’s hand on Killian’s back.

“I’m fine here, but thank you, Aurora. I can get my work done here and then use my time off to finish funeral preparations.” His demeanor had completely changed in a second. He was personable and calm talking to her. And then he looked at Emma and the coldness returned.

“Let me know if I can do anything for you, alright?”

“Alright, lass. Thank you again.” Killian gave Aurora a nod before she walked away from him to do her own work. Killian turned to address Emma. She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. “Don’t.”

“Let me explain.”

He held up his hand to stop her. “No. You don’t get to speak. I don’t want your pity story.”

“It wasn’t a pity story.”

“Please,” he scoffed.

“Killian, please.” Emma tried her best to stay calm. Yelling back at him wasn’t going to help the situation.

“You gave me the story because you felt bad for me.” His accent was even stronger when he was yelling.

“That’s not why-”

“I am perfectly capable of participating in this competition and winning on my own, and that includes beating you, Emma. I don’t need your help.” Her first name. Ouch. That was a new and unpleasant development.

“I know you’re capable! That wasn’t the point!”

“Save it. It was a pity story and we both know it.”

She could see that the words were uncomfortable coming out of his mouth. He didn’t mean any of this. He just needed to purge some of the swirling emotions he was dealing with.

“You didn’t have to take it.”

“You gave me a means to get ahead. I’m not dumb enough to give that up.”

“But-”

“I thought you were above the pity. That you understood. But now I see the truth,” he pushed on, not giving her a chance to get a single word out. “You gave me a story out of pity and I took it because it puts me ahead in the competition. That’s it. And now I’m done with this conversation, much like I’m done with you.”

He inched closer to her with every sentence. When he finished speaking, she got a good look at him. He wasn’t angered. He was sad - really sad. Devastated and scared and… broken. He walked away, leaving her struggling to figure out how to help him feel better when it was clear he wanted to be alone for a bit. She decided it was best to let him have that time, then she’d try. But until then, she was back to being a lone wolf in the competition.

What compelled Emma to go to Virginia and attend Liam’s funeral was beyond her. Killian was currently giving her the silent treatment. She shouldn’t have wanted to be there for him. But the look in his eyes when he’d yelled at her - he was lost. She knew the look; she’d had that look once.

So she showed up, despite everything in her telling her she had no business being there. What if he was still mad at her and didn’t want her there? God, she’d never even met Liam. What was she doing there?

Well, too late to back out now.

Emma hid, positioning herself behind a tree and behind the service. She stared at the backs of the heads in front of her - heads of Liam’s family and friends, all mourning the death of someone Emma had never met. She caught a glimpse of Killian standing over a coffin with an American flag draped over it. He was next to a woman - she must have been the fiancee, Elsa. She had her arm around Killian’s waist, the other holding a tissue to her face. Killian looked at his watch, nodded to two men in uniform - naval officers - and sat down next to Elsa.

Emma was far enough away that hearing what was being said about Liam was a challenge, but she picked up on bits and pieces. Everyone saw him as a hero - not just Killian. And he was friendly to literally everyone he met. And Killian hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d told her that Liam had raised him. Everyone in attendance seemed to know what the brothers had gone through. And Emma heard - multiple times - how Liam had always talked about how proud he was of Killian. She saw Killian’s shoulders sag a little more every time it was mentioned.

The officers folded the flag that was draped over the coffin and handed it to Killian. He stood and shook the officers’ hands. The rest of the crowd stood as the coffin was lowered into the grave.

The whole ceremony was beautiful - fitting for a man who died while in active duty. The officers left first. People lined up to talk to Killian and Elsa. Emma grew more nervous as people left. By the time the crowd had dwindled down to just Killian and his almost-sister-in-law, Emma was already well into considering leaving. She had no business being there. But when Killian and Elsa hugged and Elsa left to go home, leaving Killian to have a moment alone with his brother, she knew it was now or never. She had originally planned on giving Killian some time alone with Liam for closure or whatnot, but when she saw him sit on the wet grass next to the open grave, she changed her mind. He shouldn’t be alone. Stepping quietly out from behind the tree, she silently came up behind him.

“Jones,” her voice was far steadier than she anticipated. Killian’s head jerked around to look at her. Even from a few feet away, she could see the red around his eyes.

“Swan? What are you...” he trailed off as she approached him.

“I’m sorry.” There was more in those two words than just her condolences. Killian seemed to get that. His eyes widened and he nodded softly, taking a deep breath. He stayed silent. Emma had never known him to not have some witty comment or backhanded compliment. It was weird. She had to break the silence. “I didn’t think you should be alone.” His eyes widened even more.

“I’m hardly alone, Swan, as you saw.” She narrowed her eyes in question. “I’m assuming you were around for the service, judging by the wetness of your dress.”

She looked down at her black dress, completely unaware the drizzle had soaked in so deeply. Her cheeks reddened.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” And there was more to those two words as well.

“It was a nice ceremony,” Emma tried again as she sat down. Killian stared out in the distance, looking just above Liam’s grave.

“It was.”

“Your brother was a hero.”

“Aye. That he was.” Killian reached into his pocket and pulled out a badge. “This is a Naval Cross. They gave it to me on Liam’s behalf. I wanted to bury it with him, but the officers told me to keep it for myself. So it’ll be like I have a piece of Liam still with me.” Killian’s gaze moved from the distance to the grass under his legs. He still didn’t look at the grave.

“You have the flag, too. Right?”

Killian shook his head and laughed dryly.

“We’re not even American - not really. Just served in the Navy.” Emma said nothing. “Liam always wanted to be a ‘Navy Man.’ He wanted to serve in the Royal Navy. But we had no desire to remain in the country where our mother fell ill and our father abandoned us, so we moved to the States. We joined the Navy here; he loved it. But we’re - or we were, I guess - British. Having an American flag as memento of him wouldn’t feel right.”

Emma’s silence continued. She didn’t know what to say. She was pretty sure there was no way to make someone who just lost his brother and father-figure feel better.

“Besides,” he continued, “I wanted Elsa to have something of Liam’s. I gave her the flag. They were to be married soon. It would have been hers if they were. It seemed right.”

“It was right.” She wasn’t great at comforting, but he needed to know he did the right thing. She knew that Liam was always so much of a hero that Killian felt he could never live up to the bar the elder brother set, and Emma made it her mission to show him how amazing he really was.

Emma moved her own gaze from the horizon to the man in front of her - the man whose wall of innuendo and sarcasm was finally down.

“Thanks for coming, Swan,” Killian took a deep breath and met Emma’s eyes with his own. “After I yelled at you back at the office, I wasn’t sure you’d ever speak to me again.”

“Don’t worry about it. You were upset and I never should have given up the story for you.”

He shook his head.

“That doesn’t excuse my outburst. I apologize.”

“It’s okay.” They sat in silence for a long moment. “You can yell at me all you want. I still wasn’t going to let you be alone today.”

“Thank you, Swan. It’s nice to have a friend, and someone who didn’t know Liam.” He sighed. “Everyone knows Liam was a hero. He was always a hero. He was a hero after my mother died, helping my father and going to work to make money so we could survive. He was a hero when my father abandoned us. He was a hero when I was a mouthy, rebellious, bloody awful teenager. And he was a hero when we both joined the Navy together. He was a bloody good captain. He was the hero again when I got hurt.”

Killian took the black glove off his prosthetic hand. There was something incredibly intimate about the act. Emma didn’t miss that. So she took the newly-exposed appendage in her own hand. She didn’t miss the way he held his breath.

She also didn’t miss the deep breath Killian took before he continued.

“And he was a hero on that last day. If only he hadn’t been so damn heroic, he would still be alive. He saved them. He saved every one of his crew members.” He paused. “He was a hero to a fault.” Killian’s voice broke and Emma watched tears slide down his cheek. He let out a watery laugh and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Sorry, Swan. You’re here to help me feel better and I’m feeling sorry for myself because my brother couldn’t stop being a hero for two seconds.”

“It’s okay,” Emma’s voice was barely above a whisper. “You have every right to be upset, especially now.” She tilted her head toward the grave.

She watched something in Killian’s face change - soften, but she was completely unprepared as he pulled her in for a hug. She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed soothing circles on his back as he let himself break down for the first time that day. He had cried, sure, but now he was sobbing - uncontrolled, uncontained.

And this was different. In this interaction, their whole relationship was changing - and they both knew it. They’d figure out what the hell was going on with themselves later. But for now, Emma was content to sit there, in front of Liam Jones’ open grave, and let Killian Jones sob into her shoulder.

This was it. They were about to find out the winner of the competition. Emma and Killian sat in the conference room, which suddenly felt all too large without the other competitors. Everyone else had slowly been eliminated over the past couple weeks, and it was now down to the pair of them. Emma glanced over at Killian when he elbowed her.

“Good luck, Swan.” He smiled at her, but she knew how badly he wanted the spot for himself, and she could see how nervous he was.

“Good luck, Killian.” She sent him a reassuring smile and took his hand, which was resting on the table. He gave her hand a light squeeze when their competition ringleader came into the room one final time.

“Ready to find out who won?” Emma nodded and Killian mumbled something unintelligible in reply. “I have a couple surprises for you.”

Emma’s head turned quickly when she heard a group of people walk into the room. She felt herself smiling when she saw her eight former competitors take seats around the table. There was a murmur of “congratulations” and “I knew it would be you two,” and Emma was overwhelmed in the best way.

Things got even more overwhelming when Robert Siegel walked in after the group of reporters. She and Killian shared a look. She was growing more anxious by the minute.

“Congratulations to both of you,” Robert Siegel began. “The executives and donors debated for quite a while on which one of you should get the spot. The final vote was not unanimous, and you should both be extremely proud of the work you’ve done.” Emma’s grip on Killian’s hand got tighter. “The winner of the new ‘All Things Considered’ hosting position, and my replacement is,” he paused for dramatic effect. Emma may have stopped breathing. “Emma Swan. Congratulations!”

Emma froze. She probably smiled, but she really couldn’t be sure. She’d actually won. She’d just gotten her dream job. She smiled, full of pride, and thanked Robert Siegel for the news. Killian looked at her, beaming with pride for her, and congratulated her, along with the other competitors. But even through the ear-to-ear smile plastered on Killian’s face, she could see the hint of disappointment in his eyes. He’d wanted that spot. She thanked him and pulled him into a hug, which she would claim was in utter joy from winning and absolutely not to comfort him. Not at all. He wouldn't want her to focus on him when she just won her dream job.

“You did it, Swan,” he whispered into her hair. She grinned even wider against his chest.

“Killian,” Robert Siegel interrupted. Emma pulled away so Killian could give the soon-to-be former host his attention. “I actually have some news for you as well. First of all, you almost won the entire competition with the piece you did on the number of Naval deaths this year. Everyone was really impressed with the work you did on that story.” Emma nudged him with her elbow. “But overall, Emma’s work was closer to the work done by a host. However,” he emphasized the word, “ the donors and executives admired your quality of work throughout the competition, and NPR would like to offer you a position as head of a new department, covering the armed forces. You would lead the entire department, but your focus would be on the Navy.” Killian’s face lit up and Emma was already hugging him again, wishing him a congratulations through her still-smiling face.

“Liam would be proud of you,” she whispered. His eyes expressed all the appreciation his mouth couldn’t while he was busy thanking other people for their congratulations.

They would both be working at NPR. That was definitely a sign, and Emma wasn’t going to ignore this one.

After Robert Siegel gave them instructions for what to do next and when they would both start, Emma pulled Killian to the back corner of the room - in front of the complimentary coffee - and pulled him down for a kiss by the lapels of that stupidly well-fitting leather jacket.

Some conscious part of her mind kept reminding her that they were in their future place of employment, so she pulled away, both of them wearing matching smiles. She let out a laugh of disbelief. “We did it.”

“Swan, let’s go for a drive.”

“What?” Emma looked up from her laptop to see Killian dangling his car keys on his prosthetic hand.

“The car. Let’s get in it.” He was grinning at her.

She crossed her arms. They’d been dating for long enough now that Emma could tell in a second when Killian was up to something. And he was definitely up to something. “Why?”

“‘It’s Been a Minute’ is on.” He was still grinning.

“So? We don’t listen to it every week. And contrary to what you seem to believe, just because we work for NPR doesn’t mean we need to listen to every show every day.”

He closed the distance between himself and his girlfriend and closed her laptop before putting it onto their coffee table in front of Emma. He held his hand out for her. She kept her arms crossed and rolled her eyes.

“I think you’re going to want to listen to this one.”

“Okay, so we’ll listen from the laptop.” He shook his head. “From the stereo.” He was still shaking his head. “You know it’s a podcast, right? We can listen to it whenever we want.” He just grinned even more and tapped his foot overdramatically. She sighed in defeat and took his still-outstretched hand.

Killian led Emma to his car, opening her door for her. She rolled her eyes again. He pretended not to notice.

Once they’d been on the road for five minutes in silence, minus Sam Sanders’ voice coming from the speakers, Emma turned to Killian.

“Where are we going?”

“Spoilers, Swan.”

He kept his eyes trained on the road. Whatever he was up to was weighing heavily on his mind. She could see it.

“You are impossible.”

He shrugged in response. Smug idiot.

Emma went to change the station. Neither of them were really listening to the show.

“No, no, no,” he raised his voice.

“What? You’re obviously not listening. I’m too busy trying to figure out where we’re going to listen. Let’s put on music or something.” She put her hand in her lap anyway.

“Just keep it on. And I am listening.” She knew he wasn’t.

“You know Sam won’t know if we’re listening or not. Relax.” Emma wished he would turn to look at her. It was really hard to read him when he was so focused on the road.

“This isn’t about Sam, love. I promise it will be worth it. Just leave it on.”

Emma let out a “hmph,” but left the podcast running. She kept looking at Killian, suspicious at his out-of-character silence. Sighing quietly, she looked out the window again, vaguely aware that Sam Sanders, Linda Holmes, and Kelly McEvers were still talking on the podcast.

“Killian, you’re literally driving in circles. We’ve been past this street before.”

He just chuckled to himself and sighed, but he seemed perfectly content with the situation.

“Just keep listening.” Emma crossed her arms and sunk into her seat in defeat.

“You know I was being productive back home.” She actually didn’t care that much anymore, but she was nothing if not stubborn.

“It’ll be worth your while.”

“Are you being cryptically vague for a reason?” He laughed in response.

“You aren’t listening, love.”

“No offense to Sam or anything, but I’m really not all that into how much TV Trump watches.”

“Well, I can hardly blame you for that, but bear with me.” She had no response. “Besides, we’re almost there.”

“Where? We’ve been driving back and forth for almost 45 minutes.”

“I did that so we could listen, which you haven’t been doing much of.” She knew that if he weren’t driving, he would have punctuated that accusation with a nose boop. Emma found herself smiling at the thought against her will. She stayed silent for the remainder of the trip, actually trying to listen to the podcast.

“And now it’s time for my favorite part of the show - the part where we listen to the best part of your week. We encourage listeners to brag, and they always do. Record an audio of yourself telling us the best part of your week, and send your audio to samsanders@npr.org. We play as many as we can. Let’s hear them.”

“We’re here, Swan.”

“The U.S. National Arboretum?” Emma read the sign in front of what appeared to be the Visitor Center. Killian nodded, but didn’t move. “Are we getting out of the car?”

“Yup.” Killian popped the “p” before he walked around the car to Emma’s door. He opened it, smiling. His eyes were even bluer than usual. He held out one of his earbuds for Emma to take. He had the podcast downloaded to his phone - of course he did. Emma took it, playing along with whatever he was up to. They walked around the arboretum hand-in-hand - through cherry blossom trees and hollies and magnolias - until they got to the National Capitol Columns. Killian stopped them at rows of flowers in front of the columns, all of which were brightened by sunlight. Killian pushed Emma to keep listening to the last segment of the show.

“Hi, Sam. It’s Nate from New Jersey, and the best part of my week was finally getting to take my 4-year-old daughter to Disney World.” Okay, Emma had to admit that was adorable.

“Hey, Sam. It’s Killian Jones. The best part of my week was getting engaged.”

Emma’s jaw dropped.

“And that, of course, is NPR’s own Killian Jones, armed forces reporter. And his girlfriend is Emma Swan, host of ‘All Things Considered.’ NPR, bringing people together. Congrats, you guys!”

Emma heard the two guests on the podcast wish them well, but her jaw was still practically on the ground.

“Swan.” Killian got down on one knee and fumbled around in his jacket pocket for a little black box. “Emma Swan, from the moment I laid eyes on you our first day of the competition, I knew I wanted to end up here. We make quite a team, and you’re still here despite seeing me at my absolute lowest. So Emma Swan, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” She wanted to kiss that beyond-cute, hopeful look right off his face. “Will you, Emma Swan, marry me?” He lifted the lid of the box to reveal a diamond ring. It was simple, consisting of a diamond centered on the silver band, which was twisted on either side of the diamond. It was classic and gorgeous. He really knew her well. He raised his eyebrows, alerting her to the fact that she still hadn’t answered the question. Immediately, she started nodding.

“Yes! Yes, Killian.” He stood up and slid the ring onto her finger. It was a perfect fit. She probably shouldn’t have been surprised about that at this point. The sun made the diamond glisten. Emma never imagined she’d have a fairytale romance and an over-the-top proposal from a dashing hero, but here she was. She locked eyes with her brand new fiancé, happy tears threatening to spill from her eyes. One of her hands found the back of his neck and the other rested on his chest as they both leaned in and kissed - in front of the flowers and columns - for the first time as an engaged couple.

He gave her a minute to collect herself when they finally needed air enough to pull away, and neither one of them could stop smiling. He took her left hand in his right, enjoying the feeling of the silver band against his fingers.

“Shall we enjoy the rest of the arboretum, my love?” She nodded, dangerously close to letting out a giggle.

Walking through one of the gardens, Emma looked up at Killian. “You were pretty sure of yourself back there, huh?”

His eyebrows furrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“You told Sam the best part of your week was getting engaged, not proposing. You must’ve been pretty sure I’d say yes.”

His prosthetic hand shot up to scratch behind his ear.

“I was strongly hoping you wouldn’t reject my proposal.”

She kissed his reddening cheek.

“You had nothing to worry about.”

[imagining-supernatural]

Takes One To Know One

Summary: You’ve been going through a sex-drought recently, and Dean, your best friend, is starting to look a little too tempting. In order to not ruin your friendship, you head to the bar to find someone to break your dry spell. A few drinks later and a conversation with an inquisitive bartender lead you to admit some things out loud that you wouldn’t have if you’d been sober.

Word Count: 2123

Warnings: Dean Winchester in jeans

A/N: Based off of this gifset that basically kills me every time I see it. P.S. I am trying to get the inspiration for As It Seems and Avenging Angel. If you want either of those to get more parts soon, shoot me an ask with what you think is gonna happen. Maybe I’ll get excited about one of those series again.

Version en Español: Mira Quién Fue a Hablar

“Oh, fuck me,” you mumbled, completely unable to help yourself.

“What was that?” Dean glanced over his shoulder at you as he bent down to grab some beers out of the mini fridge in the hotel room. His ass looked absolutely delicious in those jeans. Honestly, it should be illegal for him to wear jeans like that. Here you were, just minding your own business, trying to get some research done when he comes prancing along in those goddamn jeans looking like a fucking model and making your mouth go dry and your thoughts delve into the folder of forbidden not-so-friendly thoughts.

How rude.

“Y/N?” he prompted again when you didn’t answer.

Oh shit. Hoping that your cheeks weren’t giving away how your mind had taken a quick and dirty detour to the gutter for a moment, you looked back at your laptop. “Nothing. I just… I don’t think we’re going to get anywhere tonight. Whatever is in this town has a dormancy period of three days, which means tomorrow is the earliest we’ll be able to do anything.”

Maybe it had just been too long since you’d had sex. Maybe that was why you couldn’t stop imagining taking those goddamn jeans off of your best friend. That had to be it, right?

“You’re probably right.” He handed you a beer as he sat down next to you. “What do you wanna do until tomorrow?”

You.

You shook your head, trying to get those thoughts out of your head. “Go to the bar down the street? Maybe that bartender who was eye-fucking me last night will be there and I’ll finally get some action.”

“Hey, what about me?”

How you’d love to get some action with Dean at the moment. But you knew what he was really asking, so you answered that instead. “Please, you never have problems getting some. You’ll walk in and have at least four beautiful women plotting their next move within the first five seconds.”

“Takes one to know one, right?” He raised an eyebrow and took a swig of his beer, watching as you tried to work through his comeback.

“Takes one to know one, like, I could also walk into a bar and have four people wanting to fuck me, or like I’m one of the four women wanting to fuck you?”

His lips quirked up into a half smirk. “Which one do you wanna be?”

What the fucking hell was he playing at? Dean Winchester knew his sex appeal. He knew his charm. And he knew how to work both of them. The only reason you’d managed to stay partners with him for so long without messing up your friendship with sex was because he never turned either of those onto you. He’d always just treated you as a friend.

“I wanna walk into that bar ‘cause I wanna get laid tonight. Can’t find that hot bartender if I’m stuck here with some cheap ass beer and late night talk shows.”

Your laptop was on the bed and you were walking over to your duffle bag before Dean could come up with something else to say to you that would potentially throw you off balance. Well, more off balance than you already were.

Dean was hot. You’d always acknowledged that. You were attracted to him. That wasn’t a secret either. But you’d always managed to keep that all under control. You liked him. He was nice. He was fun to hunt with. He was a great friend. That was enough.

Well, until tonight when he wore those jeans.

Damn those jeans and your sex-drought making you extra horny.

“Ass beer just sounds disgusting,” he mused as you dug through your duffle for the perfect outfit.

“Especially the cheap stuff.” Play on words. You could handle this banter without wanting to rip his clothes off. Well, theoretically, at least. When you weren’t starved for sex. “The more expensive stuff isn’t so bad.”

“What about eating it? You ever eat ass before?”

You literally dropped the shirt in your hands back into the duffle at his blunt question. When you and Dean spoke of sex, it was usually just comments about how either of you needed to get laid, or how you wouldn’t come back to the room because some guy was taking you home, or vice versa. The two of you never discussed anything more specific than that. You only had speculations on Dean’s kinks, and assumed that he’d only speculated on yours as well. There was no need to actually know.

But he just went there.

You had to answer, or you would make it weird. Treat this like a normal, friendly conversation. “There’s very little I haven’t done, Dean.” But you really didn’t want this conversation to continue. “Like that bartender. I haven’t done him yet, and I want to. So let’s get a move on.”

With your back to him, you quickly tugged your shirt over your head, leaving you in only your bra for a brief second before pulling on a new shirt. You could have sworn that Dean said something, so you turned and gave him a questioning look. He just shook his head, dragging his eyes over your outfit. “Let’s go get you laid, sweetheart.”

*****

“What’s this one?”

The cute bartender slid the drink a little closer. “Try it first, then I’ll tell you.”

You gave him a coy grin and picked up the martini glass filled with some light orange liquid. “I’m trusting you a hell of a lot right now.”

“You’ll like it, I promise.”

“Well,” you said with a slight shrug, “You haven’t been wrong yet.”

It was sweet and citrusy and you quickly found yourself taking a second sip. The bartender… Brent? Whatever his name, he was watching for your opinion. You couldn’t even pretend not to like this drink, as you had at the beginning of the night. After your approving nod, he told you. “El Presidente.”

“I’ve had this before! How did I not recognize it?”

Brent just laughed. “You’re nearly drunk, babe. Don’t blame yourself if you can’t remember.” He leaned forward. “My turn now.”

“Okay.” You too leaned across the bar, propping your chin up in your hand.

For the last hour, Brent would make you a mystery drink then ask you a question. He said it was his payment, and you were all too glad to play this game. You’d tried to offset the alcohol by drinking an entire glass of water between drinks while he was serving other patrons, but apparently the water hadn’t been enough, because your tongue was getting looser and Brent was getting a very up-close and personal look into your life.

“What’s the deal with the guy you came in with? You two looked pretty cozy last night.”

“Dean? Oh, no. We’re just friends. We work together and live together, but that’s it.”

Brent was silent for a minute, his eyes boring into yours. Maybe it was your short answer, but you knew he sensed that you were holding something back. “Must be hard to live with a guy like that and not be sleeping with him.”

The memory of Dean bending over in those jeans earlier popped up and you groaned in frustration. “That’s why I come to bars. Gotta find someone else to sleep with or I’d go crazy.”

A gleam flashed across his eyes as you finally started uncovering some more juicy details.

“Why not just sleep with him? Seems like that would save you the trouble of going through so many guys who probably don’t know how to handle a girl like you.”

Another sip of your drink gave you the liquid courage to answer truthfully. “’Cause I can’t casually sleep with friends. One night stands are great. Love ‘em and leave ‘em. I can do that. But every time I’ve slept with a friend, I haven’t been able to stop myself from completely falling in love with them and ruining everything. I can’t do that with Dean. Hell, I’m already halfway in love with him. But Dean… the life we live… there’s only room for casual. So I put up with the guys who can’t tell an orgasm from an orange since it means I get to keep my best friend in my life.”

Brent pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. “That was beautiful, Y/N. But now I know that you’d only be sleeping with me tonight because you’re too scared to be with the guy you really wanna be with.”

Your mouth dropped open at being called out like that. “But, that’s what everyone else here is doing, right? That’s the whole point of one night stands.”

“Tell me, Y/N,” Brent paused for a second to get you a glass of water. “What was it tonight? What made you need to get away from him tonight specifically?”

You said nothing as you stared at him. This had gotten way too real.

“C’mon, babe. You already shot yourself in the foot.” He grinned to show that there were no hard feelings. “What is it about him that makes a woman like you so crazy? Help a guy out. Maybe I can learn something.”

What the hell, right?

“Those goddamn jeans. I mean, have you seen him tonight? I don’t understand how he always looks so fucking hot on a normal day, but then he goes around and wears those jeans and they show off his perfect ass and, my god, the thighs on that man? So, Brent, that’s what you need to do. Go find yourself a pair of jeans like that and walk around with that cocky, bowlegged strut because Dean Winchester knows just how sexy he is and no matter how hard I try I can’t stop—” You broke off before you could embarrass yourself any further. Here you were, gushing over the guy you lived with to the guy you were trying to sleep with. What kind of a person did that?

“Can’t stop what, sweetheart?” Dean’s gruff voice from behind you completely seized up your muscles. Brent laughed, tossed you a wink, and left to talk to the people on the other end of the bar.

That… That bastard! He set you up!

Oh god. How long had Dean been behind you? How long had he been listening to you? Did he hear you say that you were halfway in love with him already?

With a hand on the back of the barstool, Dean slowly spun you until you had no choice but to look at him. “What can’t you stop, Y/N? Don’t leave a guy hanging. I wanna know exactly what I do to you.”

You were basically helpless. Brent had gotten you just drunk enough that it would take considerable effort to come up with any sort of lie, and you’d always found it difficult to lie to Dean anyway, sober or not. The shock hadn’t quite left your body, so when Dean stepped up between your legs, you didn’t have the strength to push him away.

Finally, you managed to tear your eyes from his face long enough to throw a glare down the bar at Brent, who was watching you and Dean with a grin. Dean’s fingers on your chin directed your eyes back to his in the next moment.

“Don’t be mad at him, sweetheart. I cornered him the last time you went to the bathroom to get his help.”

“His help?”

“Answer my question and I’ll answer yours.”

“Your… question?” It had to be the alcohol that was making it so damned difficult to think. Definitely not the soft way Dean was watching you, eyes flitting over your face. And, of course, it wasn’t the way his fingers were gently massaging the back of your neck. It was obviously the alcohol.

“Either tell me what you can’t stop every time I wear these goddamn jeans, or tell me if you’d rather walk into the bar and be the center of attention or be the someone who get me in bed.”

It never crossed your mind that you could refuse to answer. If you pushed Dean away and walked away, he wouldn’t push much harder. He would respect whatever decision you made. If you didn’t answer, he might be frustrated, but he wouldn’t get mad.

All that you could think of, though, was how the answer to either question was the same. The answer to both questions was about to shift everything and possibly ruin everything as well.

You could have refused to answer. But you didn’t.

Instead, you pulled his head down the few inches and kissed him like you’d been dreaming of for years, consequences be damned. 

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