#made no sense whatsoever but yeah I wish the best for series and hope it continues

[dontmindme2600]

Honestly from a writing perspective, I think the Pomefiore house has the best character development so far?? I mean this is probably purely due to luck because their house was right around when the books started getting longer, they play a big part in Ignihyde which is almost comically long, and just had an event themed around one of their dorm members but HOLY SHIT. Even if I don’t always agree with Vil I just respect him as a character because of the whole arc he went through, Rook is always fun to be around, and Epel is out here having like MULTIPLE character arcs, which is way more than I expected. It almost makes me wish the other dorms had stories this long so we could see what this would be like for every dorm, but I don’t want to sound like I’m demanding anything from a team that’s already working hard lmao. Idk I’m rambling but anything involving the Pomefiore members is guaranteed to FUCK (I could write whole paragraphs on Vil and Epel alone)

[aboutcustardcreams]

People Help the People

Still grieving cause I finished watching another amazing series "Broadchurch" and this is my way to cope. Writing! I hope this is a healthy mechanism cause it's the only thing I do. Always. No kidding. Hope there aren't many typos or mistakes, because guess what? I didn't reread :3

Summary: Sometimes it's nice to be reminded by those you love how much you mean to them. Beth Latimer is natural at that. /Set somewhere in season three/

word count: 3800 ish

When Chloe picked up her phone, you glanced at her with the corner of your eye. As ‘dad’ slipped from her lips, the episode you two were so carefully watching turned unimportant, so you paused it. 

It was no secret that Chloe was particularly tethered to Mark, all things considered. It had been incredibly painful for her to see her parents drafting apart, filing the divorce’s papers and taking different paths. Beth with you and Mark… well, by himself, wandering here and there, searching for who knows what. 

You met Beth some months after the trial; she and Mark were already in crisis by then. Their marriage, you learned, broke long before Joe Miller took their son’s life, but they only admitted it to themselves after the tragedy fell upon them, too busy mourning their son. With everything going on, to talk about their marriage going south didn’t seem right, nor as important as dealing with a pain so colossal as the loss of a child, by hand of a friend, no less. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine here,” she responds lightly, but honestly. “Mom’s reading a bedtime story to Lizzie and I’m watching a movie,” she briefly glanced up at you, a tight smile curving her lips, “Yeah. With her.” 

You froze, suddenly feeling uneasy. You couldn’t be one hundred percent sure, but you got the feeling that Mark probably asked if you were near her. Her daughter. Not yours. As if he wouldn’t know. Where else would you be anyway, considering you lived there now? You never fully grasped what his opinion of you was. If he hated you, envied you or tolerated you.

You leaned back against the couch, and forced yourself to push aside those voices in your head, still accusing you of living in someone else's nest.  

It’s been a few days since the last time Mark dropped in to say hello. Weeks, maybe. Maybe he passed by when you weren’t there, or met up with the girls somewhere else. Beth would tell you if she met him in the street, but she didn’t. You knew it was difficult for him to show up and be a dad, despite everything. 

“So late at night?” Chloe’s voice takes you from your thoughts, “Are you far? Maybe I could–” 

You tried to think of the reasons why Mark would call Chloe at this time of the evening. You could think of nothing immediate. You turned towards the teenager again, gwaning at your lip, as you spotted Chloe’s side profile crunched up in concern. Features dimming a bit. Only a moment ago, she had another light in her eyes, she was smiling and commenting on the movie as the two of you watched it. She cared for you, liked you, maybe loved you. On your part, there were no doubts whatsoever, you loved Chloe and Lizzie as if they were yours.

Before meeting you, Beth had nobody to talk to. It took her some time to let you in, trust you, as it should have been, all things considered. But when she did, your life opened up to a myriad of possibilities. To be able to enter her world had been the best gift you could ever wish for. She found a friend in you, a trustworthy one. You gave her a sense of stability she was so desperately looking for. And then, it all blossomed into love. Before finding you, everything revolved around Mark and his grief. Sometimes it still feels that way. He made Danny’s death all about him, and that behavior caused great damage to the Latimer’s family that eventually fell apart for good. Beth was the one who suffered the most, in your opinion. Because she had to crowd out her ongoing pain to deal with Chloe and Mark’s. Then you came along, and made it a little easier to deal with it all. 

At first, you remember, you didn’t have the words. What was to say to a woman who lost something as important and essential as a child? For a while, you had no idea how to help her. So you did the only thing you could do, be there, be present. Listen to her cries and outbursts, hold her with the promise to never ever leave her side. That’s when she started to heal, to feel better, to smile more, to act like she was alive again. 

“No, I know, I’m just worried,” Chloe’s hand reached out to yours, probably having noticed the nervous drumming of your fingertips over the fabric of the couch. You met her eyes then, and she gave you a soft smile, when you gently intertwined your fingers together. 

“I miss you too, dad,” she trails off, and you feel your chest tighten a bit, “do you think we can meet up soon? Maybe we can have lunch together, here at home? Lizzie would love that and–” 

You winced when her hopeful tone turned into a discouraged one, “Oh, yeah right. I get it,” her attempt at pretending to be alright by whatever he told her didn’t convince you for a second. 

It doesn’t take a genie to understand he let her down. Again. Why was it so hard to show up and be there for his daughters? It enraged you, his behavior. 

When Chloe withdraws her hand from your grasp, you’re sure to feel your heart creaking slightly. Her jaw tightens as she nods wordlessly, only briefly throwing you a look, whose meaning turned out to be quite a mystery. Until it didn’t. 

“Oh,” you breathed out, blinking  repeatedly. You mouthed a small ‘sorry’ before getting up from the couch, later motioning to her you’d go outside for a breath of fresh air, acting as if being indirectly told to leave didn’t hurt you. Get a grip on yourself, and woman up. You gave her one last tight smile, and then reached up to the front door, stepped outside only to sit down at the entrance, on the stairs. Flopping down, you raked your fingers through your hair, ruffling it a bit. 

You looked up at the sky, a pout soon forming on your face. No stars. You were hoping to see the stars. 

You find yourself thinking about a lot of things. Your life with Beth. Your relationship with Chloe and Lizzie. And the highly questionable behavior of Mark. After four years, he still struggled to move on. Never tried to, perhaps. A part of you thought Mark died with Danny that day, becoming the ghost of the man he used to be. Only an empty shell, unable to find any form of comfort, not even in the eyes of his daughters. 

Beth, somehow, succeeded where Mark failed. That woman never failed to surprise you. Beth was the strongest person you’ve ever met in your entire life, she even helped other people now, as sexual assault crisis worker. When you thought she couldn’t surprise you more, she showed up one day telling you about her new job, with so much excitement flashing in her eyes. You were so proud of her. So immensely grateful to have crossed paths with her. Beth had been able to convert her ongoing pain into something noble and useful to the community, despite that same community letting her down when it came to getting justice for her son.

A single tear slipped down your cheek, at the thought. You’re quick to wipe it away, when you hear the front door creaking open again. 

A smile crept on your features, when you feel the warmth of a familiar jacket fall upon your shoulders. Of course it would be hers. She knows how you love her clothes. Her scent filled your nostrils right away, and you can’t help but inhale deeply to have more of it. “Chloe told me you were here,” she stroked your head, and you glanced up at her, finally meeting her eyes. 

You hummed, “looks like you found me,” you teased softly.

“What are you doing here?”, she crouched down by your side, her thighs touching yours as she does. 

You cling to the jacket, and take in a small sigh, before replying, “Chloe was on the phone, I thought I’d give her some privacy. Is she still-”

Beth shakes her head, predicting your question. You hummed, a tight smile graced upon your lips. A part of you wanted to ask if she was alright, but you asked something different, instead. “Lizzie is asleep?”

Beth nodded with a smile. She later scooped you a bit closer, draping an arm over your hip. “Yeah, she wants you to know that you’re way better than me at doing the voice of Mr. Penguin,” her attempts at sounding annoyed aren’t convincing in the slightest. When you looked up at her, you spotted the veil of amusement flashing in her eyes, making you chuckle. 

“Aahw, is that so?” You leaned further to kiss that adorable pout of hers. It was true, you were good; the only problem was that Lizzie hardly ever fell asleep when it was you narrating the stories, because of the energy and the poignancy you used. Story time with you became a real playtime. That’s why you three made a deal, you’d be the one reading the adventures of Mr. Penguin on the weekends, when there was no school the day after. 

Beth gently squeezed your hip, “Don’t be smug now,” she teased, and you chuckled against her mouth, “I can teach you how to be more convincing for the next time. Mr. Penguin has a specific accent, you know,” you teased, eyebrows shooting up in a cheeky way. She hummed, before pressing her lips against your hairline, offering you a sweet cuddle. 

When she pulled away, she said, “You know, you didn’t need to leave the house to give Chlo some privacy earlier.” 

You hesitated, looking down on your lap. “I didn’t leave the house,” you explained. “I’m on the porch, am I not?” 

“Still,” she insisted, gesturing to where you were sitting. You sighed and rolled your shoulders, probably in the attempt to downplay the topic, but Beth was having none of that. She clasped your chin and gently lifted it so that you’d meet her eyes. Your heart can’t help but beat faster. 

“Why are you here, really?” Her sweetness turns you into a puddle. 

“No reason, Beth…”, you insisted uneasily. 

With her hazel eyes squinted, she muttered “Liar,” to you. “You should know better than to do that to me.” 

You laughed slightly, merely shaking your head at her ways. “Beth,” you started meekly, “I simply thought that Chlo needed a moment of privacy,” it wasn’t a lie, it just simply wasn’t the whole truth. “It felt like she couldn’t talk freely to Mark with me sitting so close.”

She cleared her throat, nodding in understanding. “So it was because of him?”

“Not because of him,” you objected, sounding almost childish. 

She giggled. “Hey, I know, alright? I’m just teasing you. Will you stop worrying so much? Don’t act like you don’t belong in this house.”

Confusion flashed across your face. “How exactly am I doing that?”

She raised an eyebrow, looking at you as if it was kind of obvious, “By sitting on the porch because Chloe was on the phone.”

You shyly ducked your head, a little smile tugging at your lips, “you mean your property stops at the doorway? What about this beautiful garden over here?” 

“First of all it’s our property, not just mine” she sounded almost offended by your assumption. You giggled, a wave of warmth flashed through your heart and lit up your eyes once again. She had superpowers, Beth Latimer. She couldn’t be a common human being, because of how extraordinary she was. “You belong here. By my side, with Chloe and Lizzie,” she brushed her hand over your cheek, before brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “Don’t you ever doubt that for a moment, please.”

“I never do,” you respond, fondly. “It’s just– I just wish things between Chloe and Mark were different. Better. All she wants is her dad close and he– it seems to me he doesn’t care enough. Which is ridiculous, and cruel,” you know you’ve started rambling the moment your hands go flying here and there to give emphasis to your speech. “I know it’s not my place to judge, and I’m sorry if I do. I should probably shut my mouth, so if I’m crossing  a line, feel free to slap me, but Jesus, he enrages me!” 

The light in Beth’s eyes slowly dimmed, not because of your opinion of Mark, but at the realization of all the things you were only now allowing yourself to voice out loud. You were always so calm, so composed, probably for the sake of the family. She had been like that so she knew what it felt like. So she lets you continue, despite wanting nothing more than cupping your cheeks and kissing all your worries away. 

“I can’t stand it when he keeps letting her down. I see how it hurts her. How can he not notice? And Lizzie, gosh, she is still young, but someday she will ask questions about why her dad is hardly ever and then guess what? You’re gonna be the one picking up the pieces, again, and it’s not fair. It’s just not fair, Beth,” you stopped abruptly, feeling short of breath. 

Beth’s hand is still on your face. “Hey, it’s okay, trust me, I know. And it’s perfectly normal for you to feel that way, and you know why?” You looked up at her, frowning confusedly. She, on the other hand, gave you the calmest, most genuine smile to ever exist. How did she have an answer for everything? “Because you’re the closest thing to a parent for the girls. You feel responsible for them, you care for them in a way that– I swear, it moves me like nothing else. When something goes wrong, you’re there for them, you help them out, you make them laugh. It’s not just me. You pick up the pieces as much as I do and you don’t even see it.” 

“But—“ you still try to object meekly. 

Her response is categorical, yet there is fondness in her voice. “No buts.” 

For a second you just sit there awkwardly, looking adorably conflicted in Beth’s eyes. Then she chuckles, and despite the sound of it, there’s something sad flashing in her eyes. “Listen to me very carefully. I felt so lonely, for a really long time. Even before all that happened with Danny. But then I met you,” she paused, voice filling with raw and vivid emotion. “And I just— you showed me what it means to be seen, to be alive, and feel like a teenager in love who’s afraid of nothing and enthusiastic at everything.” A single tear wets your cheek; you don’t even notice, not until her thumb brushes against your skin. “You gave me another chance at falling in love and, my dear, how I love being in love with you,” her smile wobbled, and you felt your heart flutter in your chest. Butterflies tickling your stomach, up to your throat. 

You have so many things to tell her, yet nothing could ever top her speech, or match your feelings. “Beth, I–” How to describe a love so colossal as yours with only a lifetime at your disposal? She looked at you as if she knew, though. “I love you. I love you so, so much,” you leaned closer to her, adhering your forehead against hers, delicately brushing the tip of her nose with yours. “You’re everything to me, and the girls, you’re right– they feel like mine, egotistically speaking.” She smiled amusedly at that, slightly shaking her head, “They are yours,” she assures.

You hummed, in thought. “I just wish I could do more for you and Chloe, but sometimes all I feel is this sense of worthlessness inside.” 

Beth’s brows furrowed almost painfully, “which is ridiculous,” she placed a hand upon your chest, gently pulling away so that she could see your eyes better, and get these crazy ideas out of your system, somehow. “The girls adore you, you hear me? I do. So much my heart could burst any moment for all the love I feel for you.” She is so cute when she is all flustered. Once again, you find her fingertips raking through your hair, to better expose your face, the face of the woman she couldn’t do without. “You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met, so please, treat yourself with kindness, or else…” 

You gasped, when leaning closer, Beth nibbled on your skin instead of kissing your cheek like you had expected, “Oi! You bit me!”

She grinned, eyebrows shooting up amusedly, “you deserved that.”

“Maybe I did,” you conceded, sweeping your tongue over your lips. She caught the movement with her eyes, and her mouth suddenly went dry. 

“Kiss me, Beth.” You were sure that the sky was devoid of any stars that night, and yet, you could bet to see a constellation in her hazel eyes as soon as you came with that whispered request. A smile creeps up to her face, those cute little wrinkles in the corner of her eyes widen, making her look even more beautiful. 

She drew closer, holding onto your jacket, her jacket, her lips parting but still not touching yours, “ask me again,” her teasings are so deliciously irresistible. 

You moaned, the sound though is destined to muffle in her mouth, and you can’t wait. “Kiss me, Beth. Please, just kiss me.” 

She clings to you in a way that makes you feel all warm inside. She is gentle, yet there’s a side of her that’s also possessive and needy. And that turns you on so much. The thought of her needing you as much as you needed her darkened your eyes and you couldn’t help that. 

She chased your lips, hands tangling in your hair, and breaths coming short and uneven within seconds. 

You were wrong before to think there were no stars that night. Suddenly your vision was filled with them. Luminous, unreal tiny dots everywhere. Shining bright into her eyes, her smile, echoing in the sound of her lips popping and crashing against yours.

“You shine so bright, Beth,” At your confession, she whimpers, head gets lighter, to the point that she feels like floating. To keep balance, she pulls you even closer, holding on to you for dear life. She pushes her tongue past your lips, crashes against yours, fights for dominance. She takes all the oxygen and you’re more than happy to end up breathless for her. 

Her voice sends you a tingle, “If I shine, I do it for you,” her hands slide to your middle, guiding you to crawl on top of her. As she says that, the kiss deepens even more and you giggle, both for what she just said, and by the tip of her tongue expertly lapping at the inside of your mouth. 

Her back gently leans against the doorframe as you lie on top of her as she asked. After that, a silly idea comes up to your mind so you lift your jacket over your heads, creating a little love nest. 

“We look like two crazy teenagers,” Beth stifled a laugh. 

You nodded your head, pecking at her nose. “Imagine if Chloe saw us. Busted by your daughter,” she chuckled again and started playing with the tips of your hair. 

“Well, I think she would sue us to the police for having traumatized her,” the way she said that, so seriously, and without the slightest doubt causes both your eyes and mouth to part open in horror. 

When Beth bursts into a fit of giggles, you realize she was just teasing you. What a pushover you are. What a tease she is.

“Ha, ha! Very funny, Beth,” you said sarcastically. 

“You have to admit it is,” she trailed off, cheekily. 

Before you can reply to that, the front door swings open, causing Beth to slide rearward, and with you still on top of her, her hands tightened around your middle on instinct as the two of you squealed.

“What are you two— oh. Oh!” Chloe’s voice is filled with amusement as she puts two and two together. “On the porch, mom? Really?” 

“It wasn’t like–!” You objected, heat rushing to your cheeks. Then you freeze, while Beth’s heart fills with such tenderness, in the fact of what has just happened. Her mouth parts ajar, the corners slightly up. 

You looked at her, utterly in awe. Then at Chloe. Slowly, almost mechanically. She spoke to you. Not Beth. It was you who called mom.

Beth can’t help the tears pricking at her eyes. 

You realize Beth can’t really get up, not before you do it first. You blink repeatedly, still feeling all flustered and confused by everything that just happened within minutes, before clumsily pulling yourself up, and then helping Beth on her feet as well. 

You need to be sure, so you ask Chloe, “did you call me—?”

Chuckling nervously, she stutters out, “Mom, yeah. Uhm... sorry, it came out so naturally. If you don’t want me to–” 

You’re quick to interject, seeing where this is going, “Oh no, no, no. No, I do,” your voice rises several octaves all of the sudden. Chloe hardly stifles a laugh at your demeanor, while Beth’s hand finds yours and laces your fingers together, in reassurance. You cleared your throat then, “if it feels right to you, so it does to me.” 

“Really? Cool,” a wave of sudden embarrassment colored her pale cheeks, but that didn’t prevent her from smiling at you. “We still have fifteen minutes till the end of the episode, so whenever you two are ready–” she grinned, before vanishing into the house again. 

You’ve never felt so lightheaded before. Of a good kind, obviously. 

“Did that actually happen?”

“Sure sounds like it,” echoed Beth, with a grin, before pressing a soft, chaste kiss above your lips. She leans into you, as you walk inside again. Heart lighter and happier. With her fingers still curled with yours, your thumb traces slow patterns over the back of her hand. 

“What were you watching?” She asks, pulling you on her lap as she flops down the couch next to Chloe, who grabbed the remote. 

“Ah you know–” you mused, “There’s this guy, really cool, thick eyebrows, good heart, who travels through space and time in a police box.”

Beth laughs lightly, “that sounds silly. What’s his name?”

Chloe scolds her softly, “It’s not silly, it’s sci-fi, mom.” 

“Name’s Doctor, by the way,” you grinned from ear to ear, impatiently waiting for her to say the next words. 

Both you and Chloe exchange a knowing glance before bursting out laughing at Beth’s confused frown and question, “Doctor who?”

[thehiddenmemoryuniverse]

Lucifer Ending: Tragedy and Contradiction

Okay, so I tried really hard to resist the urge to post anything about it, and I even held out for over a week trying to process/calm my feelings about the ending to Lucifer. I’ve tried, I really have, but the more I try, the more I CANNOT rationalize that ending. As you may have guessed, I absolutely hated the ending, and I just really, really, have to get my feelings out about it. If you liked the ending (I really wish I could be you!!), you may want to skip reading any further (I recommend you do, in fact). 

Ultimately, regardless of the details, that ending for Chloe/Lucifer is just way too heartbreakingly tragic and sad, however, this is made all the more unbearable because none of it makes ANY damn sense.  

I’m just going to start by pasting a bunch of quotes first:

2x05

Lucifer: I refuse to believe that. There is always another way.

Mum: If anyone can find it, it's you.

2x02 Chloe: “Doing what's best for your child, it doesn't always make them happy.”

3x16

Cain: But you're the Devil, you always keep your word.

Lucifer: I do. So I hope you understand how difficult a decision this was. And yet, oddly, the easiest I've ever made.

6x01

Lucifer: I love you, Chloe Decker. I'd do anything for you. Except give you up. Give us up.

6x09

Lucifer: I need you to know that if there is any choice to be had at all, I will always... choose us.

6x07

Rory: You make choices, Mom. If I told you what they are, you wouldn't really be making them any more.

Yeah. Not going to comment further on these right now. 

Nor am I going to even get into the whole fate vs free will. Regardless of your views on that debate, why on earth a show about free will spends its final season spotlighting the widespread, controversial debate of fate vs free will by introducing a time loop plot, I’ll never understand. 

But even if we forget the numerous issues/contradictions with that (and the ridiculous irony of Rory’s quote shown above), and accept that Lucifer and Chloe chose this, I honestly feel like screaming because WHY??? Why on earth would they EVER want to chose this? 

I know the 2 reasons given, the reasons everyone is speaking up with, the reasons expanded on at length in fanfiction, and I’ve tried really, REALLY hard to rationalize them in my head, tried to enjoy the sweet moments fanfic writers are trying to make of it, but I cannot. Because it doesn’t make any damn sense whatsoever to me.

Reason # 1: Lucifer never would’ve realized his ‘calling’ to help tortured souls in Hell.  

Right. First of all, if it really is his ‘calling’ he would figure it out eventually because that’s what a bloody calling is. I mean really. Not to mention there was plenty of evidence that he was figuring it out already, and him figuring it out after actually helping people in hell (Jimmy, Dan, Mr. Said out bitch), makes way more sense than stopping someone from making the mistake of killing someone else.

And second, even if we accept the argument that he wouldn’t find his calling, we are then saying that he chose his ‘calling’ over his own family, the people he loves most of all? That’s beyond awful to me. And pretty much destroys all of the growth and beauty and love and development across the series. A complete contradiction to even earlier in series 6. See above quotes. Lucifer tells Chloe he’d do anything for her, except give her up, give them up. He tells her if there’s ever any choice to be had he would chose them (his family). So, what the heck? Which leads me to reason 2, and beware with continuing because this is UNBEARABLY frustrating to me so I may get a bit heated. I just can’t. I can’t understand this.  Reason #2: They did it for their daughter, because she asked them to, because she didn’t want them to change her, because she’s happy with who she is, etc, etc..

This is the most widely accepted reason, the most referenced in fanfic, that it’s so beautiful because Lucifer and Chloe sacrificed everything for their daughter because they loved her so much.

I’m sorry, I really am, I tried so hard to make sense of this but it makes the least sense to me of all. 

Why on EARTH is Rory growing up without her father better for her? Why on earth would Lucifer, of all people, knowing the pain it causes, ever chose that for his daughter?

This is not sacrificing for their daughter, this is sacrificing for NOTHING at all. This is doing the ABSOLUTE worst for their daughter, all because she asked them to?

And her asking them to in the first place makes no sense either. Why on earth would Rory ASK for it after all the pain it caused her? Earlier she told Lucifer and Chloe that him leaving ‘ruined her life’, and now all of a sudden she’s happy with it? After seeing and reading how much Lucifer and Chloe loved each other she wants to separate them? After saying she now loves Lucifer too she wants to do that to him? And you can’t tell me it’s her being selfless because she thinks he won’t find his ‘calling’ otherwise, because even if he doesn’t (which he would for reasons above), then again we are saying they are choosing a ‘calling’ over family, over those they love most. Or, even worse, Rory, is choosing FOR HIM and ROBBING him of his choice to chose his family over his ‘calling’. 

No matter what way you spin it, it is just all kinds of wrong and messed up, and does not showcase the love the characters have for each other, nor the freedom of choice.

There’s nothing beautiful about any of this to me. It’s just plain awful and cruel for NO REASON. 

Yes, I know I’m missing one popular theme with all of this, and I might just hate this one most of all: That even though Rory suffered it made her stronger, she’s proud of who she is, and they don’t want to change her, don’t want to ‘kill’ this version of Rory who grew up without her dad. 

No. Just no. This pains me immensely. So we’re saying that she’s a better person having grown up without a Dad than she would’ve been growing up with a complete, loving family? That people who grow up with loving families can’t be as strong and proud of who they are? WTF? 

Sure, we as people are only strong in life when we need to be but that doesn’t mean that someone who grew up more fortunate doesn’t still have the capacity for that strength (or that they don’t suffer in other ways).

Yeah, it’s beautiful when you grew up abandoned and were able to eventually overcome it, but in reality you’ll always be scarred to some degree, and you certainly would have been less messed up, happier if you hadn’t.

Changing the time loop so that Rory could grow up with her father in her life wouldn’t ‘kill’ her. Fundamentally she’d still be the same, still would have grown up with her ‘kickass’ mom. All the good parts would still be there. There would just be even more good and much less of the bad.

How on earth would Chloe and Lucifer not want to chose that?

There is no way anyone can ever convince me that you come out better growing up abandoned by your father than you would have if he hadn’t. Just no.

We are strong and proud to overcome something only when WE HAVE NO CHOICE. CHOOSING to suffer just to show how great you are afterward for overcoming it when you could have chosen NOT to suffer at all, is just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. 

It reminds me of a quote from one of my childhood movies, the original “Lion King.’ Little Simba tells his dad he went looking for danger to show that he’s brave, and his dad answers, “I’m only brave when I have to be.” 

So.  Circling back. Ignoring the debate on whether or not there was even a choice given (fate vs free will and ridiculous time loops). Ignoring that Lucifer likely (and should have) been able to find his ‘calling’ anyway. 

Then, in summary, we are left with Lucifer (and Chloe) ‘choosing’ for Lucifer to leave them for Hell, abandoning them both (and Trixie) because either

1) Lucifer’s calling is more important than being with his family

2) Rory wants to suffer, to let her parents suffer an unimaginable amount of pain, just to show that she comes out better for it, even when she can choose not to suffer at all. And Chloe and Lucifer are both in agreement that this is best for them and their daughter. 

What. The. Hell???!!

I’m sorry, but there’s no rationale for this. None. At. All. 

I’ll be the first to admit that I would never be happy with such a devastatingly heartbreaking ending no matter what the reasons, but, HOLY HELL, can they at least have had it make even the smallest amount of SENSE?! 

It’s just angst for the sake of angst, and I especially did not expect this from this show. It was always a show not to be taken too seriously, not to overthink and just have fun with, and that’s what made it work for me. But then they decide it’s a good idea to 1) throw in a time loop plot when time loops in fiction is pretty much the definition of serious complexity and making viewers overthink. And 2) have it end with such a tragic and sad ending that makes no sense. I am so sick and tired of the trend now days that shows can’t have happy endings.

(Edit: Now look what happened. I’ve gone and made another rant: https://thehiddenmemoryuniverse.tumblr.com/post/663357629901438976/lucifer-morningstars-broken-journey)

[king-paimon]

HnK Chapter 95 Thoughts: The cruelest chapter of all times

AKA: The chapter everyone hated

AKA: No happy ending in sight

AKA: Haruko Ichikawa is a monster

AKA: I called it again (and I wish I was wrong)

AKA: Talk about kicking someone while they’re down

Ms. Haruko Ichikawa. You’ve truly done it. You truly are a cruel, sadistic, trolling monster. You leave us with this chapter? This chapter that truly shows us that despite every hardship they faced, Phos gets nothing. This chapter shows that Phos was destined to be in constant misery, and to rub that in with literally everyone else is free and happy? And to add more salt to the wound, you’re leaving us on an hiatus for who knows how long??

This is without a doubt the cruelest chapter to leave us on and this is probably one of the cruelest things a mangaka can ever do for a series as intense as this. I wish the previous chapter was the last one for the end of this year because at least with that one, it would have given us some sense of something.

Man. I’m both horrified and amazed by you, Ms. Ichikawa. I’m not even being sarcastic, I’m truly in awe.

Ugh.

As you can see, I have several things I have to say about this and... Just wow. This chapter. In these posts, I try my best to try and write my thoughts with the most rational mindset but... I don’t know how well I’ll be able to do that with this chapter. What a way to end this horrible year. 

But with this chapter’s ending and the implication for what is yet to come... this marks as the story’s descend to it’s bitter end, and I now wish I didn’t make that prediction last month.

I know I said in another post that I was going to write this in a few days, but I changed my mind. I’m getting this out now while my thoughts are still fresh in my mind. Please don’t mind the writing errors, I’m very tired, I’m writing this at 3 in the morning and I need to sleep. I promise I will come back to this and tidy it up later.

Anyways, here we go:

Haruko Ichikawa: Manipulator of emotions

Ms. Ichikawa really toyed with us with this chapter. So many things happened in such a short amount of time and I’m trying to process it. Also, doesn’t feel like too much happened in this chapter? Especially in comparison to the previous chapters, where everything was stretched out, to then have this chapter have so many things happen all at once. This chapter, in many ways, feels very rushed... and this style of story telling has me very worried about what’ll happen from here on out. I’ll talk more about what I mean by this later, but for now, let’s focus on the story of this chapter:

So... Antarctictite is back now. Adamant is back, too. So are most of destroyed gems, both the ones we knew and the ones we never got meet. And they are all now Lunarians... Hm.

I don’t like this or anything in this chapter for many reasons. In fact, I’ll go as far to say that I don’t like where the whole story is headed for these same reasons: 

The first reason: The emotional turmoil from the previous chapters

For the past 10 or so chapters, I’d been anticipating the destruction of the gems and Adamant. I was one of the people who didn’t like the idea of it happening, though I knew they kind of deserve it. And I remember how sad I was seeing Adamant turn to nothing but dust and seeing how everything was affecting Phos after the bloodlust ceased.

But it all led up to...this. In the very next chapter, after watching those heart wrenching scenes of the gems being broken down and Adamant’s last moments with Phos...we see him and the other gems being brought back like it was nothing.  And on top of that, they are totally happy Lunarians now. Yeah. Okay.

So it feels like the emotional tole that I felt for these characters I didn’t want to see get destroyed...meant nothing. Not going to lie: I kind of wish you all stayed destroyed.

And you know what? It’s kind of funny. In my Chapter 94 post, I said I was sad that we didn’t get to see Adamant and Aechmea interact and I didn’t think there would be a way now that Adamant is dust. Well. I was wrong. It happened. I got the interaction that wanted. Wasn’t worth it. 

So to sum up this first reason: The emotional turmoil that I personally experienced watching the characters I like get destroyed... meant nothing in the end.

Now I don’t know how to feel about these characters. It sucks. I even had a post that I was starting write about on a certain controversial character that I couldn’t bring myself to hate, despite everything, but I’m now debating whether or not I should still write it. I think I will, but there will be a lot of edits.

The second reason: Negation of personal growth

One of the things that has been brought up many times by fans is about how the gems dealt with problems. Instead of trying to address the problem and talk to try to fix it, they chose to ignore it and sweep it under the rug, no matter how upsetting it is to the characters involved. All of the gems, both Earth and Moon, constantly choose to not confront the issue and stay blissfully ignorant.

And now that they’re accepting to be Lunarians, it feels like they’re just running away again. Instead of confronting the Lunarians or having the gems properly talking with each other about how things got to the point where they had to once fight each other, they are like: Oh, we can be Lunarians so we don’t have to fight with them anymore? Awesome. Let’s do it.

Everyone is once again going with the flow, just sweeping the glaring issues that they all carried for so long, and are just accepting the new reality that they are in with no problems whatsoever. No addressing of anything means no character growth for all of them. No one grew from this experience. No one learned that ignoring the problems doesn’t solve them. They aren’t solving their previous issues, they are masking it under the belief that becoming Lunarian automatically solves all of their problems. 

No talking between Diamond or Bort. No talking with Yellow about their traumas or any of the other gems in the same boat. And no talking about how everything that happened lead to Phos doing what they did. It’s even more disappointing how Antarcticite was the only one who showed any concern about Phos or even thought to bring them up in the first place.

Edit: Also to add, the other problem here is how the are conscious choosing to remove your identity. They are not only choosing to loose their identity as gems, but they are fine loosing their memories as well. Not to mention how Cairngorm is once again being given a new identity to go by, from Aechmea, and is totally fine with it. That scene was small but once again, the fact that they are fine pretty much erasing what made them who they are is...unnerving. 

So pretty much to sum up this: Once again, everything meant nothing in the end. 

Speaking of Phos...

The third reason: Phos’s miserable fate

Phos, once again, got the short end of the stick. After everything that they’ve done, from trying to save everyone but themselves, to doing what was once seen as cruel for the sake of everyone to finally do something for themselves to go back to wanting to save the others after the bloodlust was gone... to get this ending for themselves.

But wow, what a cruel twist: Phos’s old goal was fulfilled. Thanks to them, the gems don’t have to live in fear of being destroyed or taken or anything. Thanks to Phos, everyone is free. Everyone now is going to be happy for the rest of their existance...at the cost of Phos’s expense.  

Phos lost everything. 

Their body. 

Their sanity. 

Their identity. 

Everything.

What do they get in return?

10,000 years of nothing but their own miserable existence and dark, depressing thoughts.

In the end, everything that Phos experienced not only sent them crashing down to rock bottom: it sent him to the chore of the earth, back out the other side, then back into the earth, in an endless cycle of just constant misery. 

That’s a theme in buddhism, if that’s what I’m recalling right from @rinboz​‘s posts: a cycle of continuous misery. That is clearly embodied here through Phos and Phos will continue to suffer the pain of existing while everyone else got what they wanted in the end, especially Aechmea. 

Speaking of which, I also genuinely want to know if there’s still fans out there who view Aechmea as a good guy for ‘liberating’ Phos, because as far as I see, thanks to him, Phos is now stuck in an even more miserable form of existence. At least before everything, everyone was miserable together with Phos. Sort of. Still better than what we got with this chapter, in my opinion. (Please do share your thoughts, if you do. I promise, this is not an attack. I’m just interested to hear your thoughts, if you’re willing to share)

But now, there’s no there for Phos. And unlike those other instances where Phos was in a situation and someone somewhat saves them like Adamant and Padparadscha once did before, there’s no one there. So unless there’s some Admirabilis hiding around there or if the Gem/lunarians decide to come to them, which I doubt will happen, there’s no one for Phos. No one is coming to help/save them.

Phos will have to suffer all alone. For 10,000 years. Phos is the last existing gem being now...even though technically, they aren’t really a gem anymore. 

Once again, to sum up why I don’t like this chapter nor how the story has progressed: Phos’s suffering meant nothing to them in the end. That’s the other theme I’m trying to hammer in in this post: Everything meant nothing in the end.

I’ve already seen a few fans react to the chapter and I saw one state that if the Lunarians, including the gems, were to come to Phos to pray for them, the poster hopes Phos tells them to “F* off” And you know what, I hope so too. But this revelation has me fearing for what’s going to happen the series, or more specifically, how and when it’ll officially end.

No true happy ending in sight and not exactly for the reasons you think

As always, it’s hard to predict how Ms. Ichikawa is going to end this series. Us fans made many predictions and a good number of them came true, but it’s the ending that eludes us. Some hope for a happy ending for Phos, while many, including myself, predict that it’ll be anything but happy. And now, with this chapter...I think it’s set in stone now.

Last month, in response to someone asking me how I think the series might end, I made a few small predictions. Some for a good ending, a bittersweet ending, and a bad ending.... 

...and it looks like that first sad ending is where the series is heading after all:

Everyone is gone/moved on and Phos stays behind as a lonely, immortal being.

Even though this small prediction was correct, how it’s all playing out was not exactly how I’d envisioned. It’s worse. And what’s making me even more worried is that based off of where the story is headed, my gut feelings are saying that the series ending is near. And it won’t be to anyone’s satisfaction.

Whenever I get invested in a series, other than worrying about how the creators will handle their characters and story, one of my biggest worries is about how the creators handle their ending. I’m truly afraid about what Ms. Ichikawa is planning for this series because I can’t help but fear it’s not going to end well. It’s not the worry that the series will have a sad/bittersweet ending, even though that concern is still there though I’ve accepted the likelihood, but rather I’m worried that the next chapter or so will be the abrupt end to this series. This concern is because of how rushed this chapter felt and I can’t help but worry that Ms. Ichikawa is now rushing to the end of the story. And to be honest, the addition fact that Ms. Ichikawa is going on hiatus is not helping these uneasy feelings. 

I hate being the pessimistic one but what if this happens? What if Ms. Ichikawa decides to end the series here or in the next chapter? What if the next chapter is literally another time skip, with all of the characters that I once cared about just NOT progressing, and Phos continuously being stuck in this immortal and we’re expected to accept this as the ending. Because other than Phos, everyone’s story, from what it looks like, is at their end now. I really hope that doesn’t happen. I’ve seen great series end so terribly too often and I’ve loved this story for so long that I hope that doesn’t happen with this series too. I love this series a lot and it’s characters, even the ones who I don’t think I like as much as I did after this chapter. I hope the series will end nicely... but I don’t think it will.

Back to predictions on how the story will progress: I made a post a few days ago about how I hope the forgotten plot elements will come into play and the fact that Aechmea isn’t omnipresent. More than ever, part of me hopes those elements will come back and have a positive impact for Phos’s story, especially the omnipresent part. But again, I don’t think I’ll hope too much for it because looking at Ms. Ichikawa’s past works... I don’t think they will, at least not in the way I’m hoping for.

Maybe I’m too used to Western (American/European) stories, where the protagonist somehow beats the odds and wins in the end. This isn’t always the case for Eastern stories, especially stories from Japan. They usually end bittersweet and I don’t think Houseki no Kuni will be the exception. I know I’ve said this saying many times before and with each passing chapter, these words become more and more true:

Phos’s suffering is never going to end. 

And unless someone does something to change the course of the story, which I don’t think will ever happen now, Phos is never going to have a happy ending. 

If I could wish for anything, it’d be that this story ends on a satisfying note. I know, I know. It’s foolish to still hope for that it’ll happen, given everything I’ve seen from Ms. Ichikawa before...But still. I don’t want to lose all of the hope that I have left for this series. Even though that hope is nearly diminished, it’s still there.

So please, Ms. Ichikawa. Please give us a satisfying ending for Phos. Please let them go.  If anyone deserves a dignifying conclusion to their story, it’s them.  Let them rest. End their suffering. Please give them the ending they deserve after everything they went through.

You’ll likely won’t though.  

Because this is Phos.

And to be Phos is to constantly suffer.

Well, regardless, I truly hope you’re hiatus goes well, Ms. Ichikawa. Even though you are a cruel troll, your work is still amazing and I applaud you for your story telling and your love to mess with us. I hope you enjoy your time away and when you return, I hope that you’ll continue to give us amazing content and eventually give Phos the ending they deserve. Please. That’s all I want.

I hope you all a nice holiday season, too, or at least try to.

Happy Holidays. 

Can’t wait for 2020 to end.

[starcookiechu]

ROTT Review

SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE. You have been warned.

FYI: I just finished the movie. So my opinions may change a bit but here I am writing a full review.

Before I talk about the movie, I have to say this movie has fantastic animation. The music is as good as usual.

Ok now the story. Let’s start with the our Trollhunters.

Fair Lady Claire. My girlie Claire really brought her all into this. I’m really proud of the young woman she has grown up into. However for the sake of the plot and story they make her run out of magic juice quite a bit. But my girl is still the best and gives it her all.

Wingman Domzalski. I will be perfectly honest. Toby is kind of the annoying best friend at times and bothers me as a plus size person. (They really push the over eating thing to the point that it’s his biggest factor.) Toby is a very eager kid who is ready to get in the action. Never being negative to his friend but the best emotional support who will always be at his side. Sure Toby was used a bit as comedic relief in the movie but when push comes to shove, Toby will always be there to do the right thing.

Blinky is amazing as always. One of the best father figures out there.

Aarrrgh was there. Was great for the scenes he was in, but all together didn’t do much that altered the story.

Our Trollhunter, Jim Lake Jr. Someone I admire and basically see as my little brother/child. Kiddo really did it. I know everyone is upset that Jim’s arc was redone when we had the “Unbecoming” episode. If I could come to a peaceful middle ground, I saw we all need to blame Merlin. He really rocked Jim’s world and self worth. When the creator of the object you need to save the world with tells you “You’re not enough”, it really can be a great setback. But once we past that, Jim really pulled through. Amulet or not, he is our Trollhunter.

Mommy Dr. Lake was there. Barbara was mostly there for our emotions.

Dilf Strickler. I felt that he was changed a bit since we last saw him, but he had a new purpose. He was more cautious and happy because he had a chance at a happy life with Barbara. Which makes what happens to him more upsetting. 

Nomura my sweet. This movie did not deserve you. At least she was with Draal.

And Not-Enrique (seriously why didn’t they ever give him an actual name) just wasn’t in the movie.

How about some CreepSlayers?

BABY ELI PEPPERJACK CAME BACK LOOKING SO CUTE. So proud.

Bumbling knight oaf Steve the Palchuckian was great as usual.

I will say though. The whole pregnancy plot was just a way to get Eli and Steve out of the way. I could feel that the writers maybe didn’t like Steve so much since Wizards. But Steve was once again someone to laugh at. Pregnant and out of the way.

How about some Akiridions?

Aja my darling girl, oh how you’ve grown. I understand some think she has changed. However I must say that her preparing a plan B on the side was smart. She isn’t just a princess on earth anymore. She is a queen on a distant planet. So if she thought evacuation was best, it would ensure that everyone would live. And avoid losing more valuable people from her life. So no, I can’t blame her.

DJ Kleb was there. He was kinda doin his own thing and messing with Steve. Brother-in-law stuff.

It was good to see Varvatos Vex.

Stu was the man in the background working on the busy important things like working on the amulet. Personally I feel like the series REALLY underutilizes Stu A LOT so I was so happy to see him being a part of something huge.

And finally some Wizards.

Douxie my love, you were amazing as usual. His powers have grown greatly and have contributed to the adventure. But god the writers really do love to take everything away from him don’t they. It’s unfair.

Archie was kinda just there and just... I understand leaving Douxie but that doesn’t mean I like it.

Nari the sweetest. I can only imagine the guilt she felt to end Nomura. Her self sacrifice was probably the one in the movie most called for.

Alright now I’ll talk about the movie.

I can whole heartedly say this movie was rushed. To be honest I feel like the original writers weren’t completely in this. At least it felt kind of not so much Trollhunters or 3Below vibes but more Wizards, if that makes sense whatsoever. Something is off.

I just want to blame Merlin for everything. To hell with that guy.

The beginning sequence was great. A car chase to a moving train. Which ends up with Toby of course screwing up and breaking the brakes. Of course. The train falling off the tracks which ultimately ends up with Nari gone. Oh yeah, and video recordings of Magic, trolls and being taken in by the police. Great.

WHY TF WAS TOBY TELLING THEIR STORY TO THE POLICE. YOU DON’T MIX THE POLICE IN STORIES UNLESS YOU KNOW THE COP PERSONALLY. CUZ IT’S A MESS AND THE POLICE GET IN THE WAY. GDI TOBY.

Our heroes go back to base on the new and improved Camelot. Where we discover that Barbara and Strickler are now engaged. Happy news and would secure that Jim has another Father figure in his life and his mother’s happiness. Which explains Strickler’s “stay behind” advice. Now he has a family to watch over. He must be careful and warns that Jim’s actions could cost so much that he might not be able to afford.

Enters our Majesty Aja and the new stud on the block, Eli. Dang I wish puberty hit me like that.Truck-kun strikes again. And also enters... the pregnancy thing. I will say, I didn’t mind it too much... at first. But there are complications. Steve is too young to be a father and dang 7 kisses?? I can’t help but feel like Aja should have mentioned that or it was a last minute plan to write out Steve and Eli. (Which it was.) It was funny sure cuz omegaverse and ALIENS but all together it’s really iffy.

They really had Douxie preform a body-swap spell only so it would be undone. And undoing the spell only hurt them both?? C’mon. C’mon.

And they mention the Krohnisfere. We’ll get back to it. Jim gets a brand new amulet infused with Akaridion tech. However theres an issue. It was created by Merlin right? Who is a wizard right? Who uses MAGIC. Shame Douxie wasn’t there to help make it. Ya know. 1/2 of the original creator of the AMULET. So it’s missing a huge part and for the sake of the plot, Jim doesn’t test the Amulet which is out of character personally.

Toby makes a silly big deal over a penny. I was actually hoping they would make it a silly Chekhov's gun later on. But no, it’s just Toby being loud and comedic relief.

The titans are released and we visit a very pregnant Steve. Ok so it’s a rushed kind of thing. ok.

Aja suggests evacuation. You can say it’s out of character but we need context. When Aja helped in the Doomsday Battle, she was ensured a way out but if she let the people of Arcadia perish. She decided to stay and help. But now the Trollhunter himself can’t help. So to ensure the survival of everyone, evacuation. A best chance for everyone to survive. Plus she is now a Queen. She rules over a whole planet which must change her thinking.

Now our characters are split into 3 teams:

Blinky, Archie, Archie’s dad and Claire for the Krohnisfere.

Jim, Aja, Toby, Strickler and Barbara for the Glacial Titan.

Nomura, Douxie and Aarrgh for the Earth Titan.

Now here is where I have problems. WHY. DID. THEY. SEND. TROLLS. TO. BRAZIL. IN. THE. DAY. Nomura dying was just so out of pocket. Unnecessary. I couldn’t even grieve properly I didn’t have a chance to process. The best thought I could think was “At least she’s with Draal now.” 10 seconds later, Strickler makes the choice to sacrifice himself. Because of Jim’s heroic’s, Strickler decided to try to save the most important people in his life. The person who was always dishonest finally had a chance to live a happy life with his family. The one who played it safe now had to make the final impulsive move. And unfortunately, his death was in vain. These deaths were just so forced. It wasn’t in any way good. And Strickler being one of the best written characters just going in such a way was just off. He died for nothing. He could have turned back and fought another battle but... no.

(BTW Barbara was just there... for Strickler’s death.)

We move to Babara and Jim having a heart to heart. I’m glad she didn’t blame Jim but a small moment of anger. Something a little more real for me but no I guess. Barbara will always just be Jim’s mom. She mention’s Jim’s father and it passed so quickly I missed it on my initial viewing. I’m happy that Jim’s father is never revealed or made a bigger part in his story. This is good representation for those of us who did have our fathers walk out on us. That we can grow despite our parents failing us.

And finally team Krohnisfere. Archie just leaves. He’s gone. Poor Douxie. A mentor and now his closest companion.

Our heroes meet up to go against the Volcanic Titan. In comes Varvatos Vex on a Gun Robot. Nice to see some good ol Gundam with a character mentioned throughout the entire trilogy. However it doesn’t last. BTW for the sake of survival, Aja leaves Jim and Toby. Iffy.

Douxie pulls a “Jason stop. This isn’t you.” thing with Nari and is reunited with his friend.(+ points for the shippers. It’s kinda winning me over?) Also, Claire now has the power to teleport a Titan. I know she’s much stronger than she was for the Trollhunters Sn 2 finale, but cmon. You can’t just say she’s out of magic juice and then pull this. C’mon.

(btw did the titan make a War of the Worlds tripod sound? No? Just me?)

Nari sacrifices herself and takes the other god with her. Which takes away Douxie’s other companion. Mr. Stark I don’t feel so good. Why does this movie hate Douxie so much. (I am so sorry shippers. Angst.)

BLINKY DIDN’T SEE A PAGE? ADDRESSING IT IN THE SHOW DOESN’T GIVE YOU A PASS. I forgot the word but this irony isn’t greatttt.

Jim now has to pull out the legendary sword Excalibur. But he can’t cuz he hasn’t harnessed the power of friendship.

And Steve is giving birth. At the worst time. What is this a zombie movie??? C’mon.

Jim says “Magic is friendship” And Stu is finally being used for one grand act. Seriously Stu is just so unappreciated. So he fixes the amulet with magic.

Basically everyone who went on top of the Volcanic titan falls off at some point. Except Jim cuz of course some 1v1. 

ONCE AGAIN Claire is out of magic juice. Because... reasons.

Toby makes the choice to race to Jim’s side with the technology to cancel out magic. (Wait how does science stop magic again)

BTW, For the Good of all doesn’t hit as well BUT it’s not mentioning any glory towards stinky Merlin so I am happy with the change.

JIM HAS A NEW TRANSFORMATION. MY BOY. MY SON. I’M SO PROUD.

Toby races to Jim and his helmet falls off the taco truck. That honestly should have been a huge warning sign. I was worried he didn’t have armor but we know how this goes.

Jim defeats the final titan and everyone is happy. The fight is finally over.

STEVE HAS 7 KIDS. OUCH. 

Seeing Jim run to Toby was heartbreaking. Now this is the one scene where the movie really let out actually process a character’s death. How on earth can you process your best friend, your most faithful companion dying. Jim goes through too much I swear to god.

Now let’s discuss the time travel plot. I honestly feel like they pulled some kind of Attack on Titan ending. The main character burdened with knowing the future and what could have been. And if everything is meant to be how it will be, destiny will reconnect them again. (Jlaire reincarnation AU???)

I’m actually ok with this ending. I understand people would want the time stone to return only a few minutes. But even then, the kiddos still have police records, so many people dead at the titan’s hands (or feet) and now the world knows about the existence of trolls thanks to the internet. In New York no less. And people are still dead.

We return the the beginning of everything, reflecting the “Unbecoming” episode.

(NGL I’m bothered that they didn’t do anything to stop Steve from bullying Eli, but Jim can’t do it. He’s saving it for Toby.)

And now finally, let’s discuss Toby becoming the Trollhunter. From the beginning, Toby never considered himself good enough to be the main star. Always the wingman, the 2nd best. Support. Now it was Toby’s turn to climb the ranks and be the Hero he’s always wanted to be. It’s Jim’s turn to live an easier high school life. I don’t doubt that he won’t follow Toby. But now he knows what to avoid and how to make the story process more smoothly.

I understand some are unsatisfied with this ending, which is kinda trademarked with Dreamwork’s shows. I get it. But honestly as of right now, I think I like the ending.

The amulet didn’t choose Jim because this Jim is not the same Jim as in Sn 1 Ep 1. He is a new man. And I think we all can agree that it’s his turn to be happy.

---

I still love this series so much. It is my favorite cartoon. Of course it has it’s flaws, but this ending is at least satisfactory and not heartbreaking. Now it’s up to us to either continue the story or contribute our ideas in fanfiction. I look forward to everyone’s creations.

Don’t think. Become.

[mc-critical]

On Hatice’s character, I feel like she more or less was cheated of a better character arc which could’ve made her more likeable or easier to understand (almost everyone I’ve encountered who is into the series has extreme distaste for her character.) Though I don’t necessarily feel any particular form of intensity towards her character I do wish she could have been explored a bit more? I can see why she wasn’t likely due to time constraints/needing to stay consistent with plot lines but it would have been nice to see. I feel like everytime Hatice was on screen, mentioned, or involved in the plot line it was in conjunction to or in relation to Ibrahim. Even after Ibrahim was dead, Hatice’s whole storyline was just..Ibrahim. It was clear that she was emotionally unstable and dealt with attachment issues from the start of the series, likely resulting trauma from her father’s bloody reign. We’re told she was “her parent’s favorite/the spoiled one” according to her siblings, we’re hinted at some sort of past fued between her and Sah but no real context. We rarely got to see her interact with her children. It’s like we only were given tiny bits and pieces of Hatice as her own person and everything else about her just existed to string Ibrahim along. It’s quite sad..what do you think?

Eh, I absolutely adore Hatice as a character and I feel she got a very solid, well-written character arc. I'm pleased with what we got with her in the show and I think that her nuance tends to be massively overlooked.

The center of her character is not really Ibrahim, but rather the line between family and dynasty. And while that seems to be attributed with Ibrahim in the strongest way, it also channels in who Hatice is as a person and her interactions with other characters like her mother, Süleiman and Hürrem.

Hatice has always been the sultana of blood that is closest to the dynasty, but also the one that wants to detach the most from it. As you said, she had lingering trauma from her father's reign /which indeed is only hinted, to be honest, but that's the whole backstory of Selim Yavuz, what we got from his cruelty in the show was basically hints two flashbacks. We were told by Süleiman of his defining deed, we were told by Valide and Hatice that they saw his father in him, but the rest remained pretty much vague, which isn't a problem with Hatice's character. However, it may come off as a problem with SS's character, since more backstory would better explain his paranoia outside of actions of the "suspects" taken out of context, would render Mustafa's death a little more understandable and would highlight even more his character arc, for Selim Yavuz was his "Azraeel", according to him, but that is a post for another day./, but on a more personal note, she has witnessed the death her former husband, which puts her panic and fear over death in another light. Her backstory isn't that focused on, because it's not all that important for her character arc: because while Mahidevran has to get over her past and Şah Sultan tries to consistently set herself for the future, Hatice has to face the events of the present. She's an effective deconstruction of the Princess Classic trope she started up as: an innocent, fragile, kind hearted princess, no sign of trauma whatsoever who strives to create a family of her own, as a bonus. After she meets Ibrahim, she feels like she wants to be in that adventure with him, she not only falls in love with him, but he fills her with hopes and dreams for a better life. Look how when she marries him she wanted to get out of Topkapi as soon as possible and always repeated that she wanted for them to be a family, that she wanted to have piece. Even her love for Ibrahim is much more deep seated than some plain obsession that is only used as a plot device or to prop him up. She's grown with beliefs that have been a part of her life and sometimes she lets them out out of sheer ignorance, no matter how much independence she wants in her personal life. Her whole relationship with Ibrahim is a back and forth conflict between dynasty and family that is only a vector for her arc, not the entirety of it.

It's often ignored how pivotal is Hatice's relationship with Valide. The closeness she has with her, especially compared to her other sisters, shaped up all of Hatice's life long beliefs. Namely Valide is the root of Hatice's love and respect for the dynasty, being next to its female representative her entire life (see also Valide's flashbacks in E58) and witnessing the way she dealt with things, the way she ruled the harem, the way she made decisions. Even Hatice herself considered her as her role model and wanted to be like her. (she told her this in E61) It was as if Valide was a preserver of all the virtues Hatice deemed as worth having. She has a tremendous respect for her and her opinions and this is what brought her to hide her love for Ibrahim more than anything. The respect she has for the ottoman laws and the ottoman dynasty and the ways she got used to them made her to do anything but admitting SS and Valide her true feelings.

Valide is an indirect reason of Hatice's supposedly "inpartial" point of view in the harem that let her judge things more fairly. It's not that Hatice was completely unbiased in her relationships with Mahidevran and Hürrem early on, because oh no, she wasn't, Hatice always was on the dynasty's side in this war, but for her dynasty always advocated fairness and preserving piece and order. She wasn't afraid to call out whoever she thought was wrong at any time and even when her bias had completely (and honestly, rightly in many aspects) impacted her in terms of Hürrem, she wasn't afraid to admit that she was right about Firuze after all. Hatice also has a very reactive personality: she doesn't let anyone provoke her and quickly responds when she's provoked. She's not provoked only about Ibrahim, she's also provoked when it comes to both family and dynasty, overall, seeing Hürrem and Mahidevran quarrel in E11, Fatma and the concubines challenging Hürrem in E47, Mahidevran attempting to kill Hürrem's children in E55, Mihrimah defending Hürrem in E84 etc. Whenever something she cares about is opposed or attacked by someone, she would always spring into action, which is a very consistent trend of her character as a whole.

{There are many reasons why I personally find Hatice sympathetic: she's one of the most ethical characters of the show, acting as a peacekeeper wanting to keep everyone out of their struggle, she's always ready to help, she cherishes love (her wanting to marry Sadıka to Matrakcı), there are so many people she cares about outside of just Ibrahim - Mahidevran, Mustafa, Valide, her sisters and their problems impact her as well, despite of how "self-centered" she may seem at first glance. She, just like MCK Gevherhan, is so humane to everyone she interacts with, trying her very best to empathize with them. (to the point Mahidevran told her in E05 that if she keeps up worrying only about them, she will wither in this palace) Her trauma and circumstance also bring in a lot of empathy for me, because significantly little of it is her own doing, compared to other characters. We see a character that deteoriates both internally and externally often as a consequence of her simply fearing she would lose everyone she loves and that her life would be once again, filled with illnesses and death.}

[Truth be told, I don't get the Hatice hate, like AT. ALL. I don't know about you, but people I've encountered on the Internet couldn't give me a valid reason as to why they hate Hatice so much. They either reduce her to a "whiny", "crying", "spoiled" or "evil" bitch, either say they hate her because she breaks down a lot or because stood up against Hürrem for no reason, which is totally untrue, in my opinion. I genuinely haven't seen one (1) good argument as to why she deserves such ire. They mostly look at a more dimensional version of S03 Hatice and forget everything that set up S03 Hatice, or they hate Hatice exclusively because of S03, which.... eh? I would dare say that there are more reasons to hate Mahidevran than there ever were to hate Hatice (even though the hate directed at Mahidevran is, once again, for all the wrong reasons) and if someone gave me an actually good reason to hate Mahidevran, I would understand, but Hatice? Even her more questionable actions were ultimately provoked by something or someone.]

Her first traumatic experiences in the present is also connected to the kids she's lost. Yeah, giving her more time with her living children and seeing her more as a mother is the one thing I would definetly change in her writing. We didn't get enough of that and it would be a breath of fresh air. But then again, losing so many could've demotivated her and the last time she was pregnant we also had this prevailing, but understandable fear. It also just doesn't play such a big part in her deconstrustion-to-become-flanderization-in-character-development arc.

We gain a gradual, broader perspective into her a bit later in the narrative, and perhaps that eventually broken first impression would cause disappointment - Hatice could be prideful and while she wants to detach from the dynasty for her family, she values her own position and the rights that are offered with it. She could be easily offended by remarks made to startle her. She could be demanding sometimes. But that existed along with her good traits. Hatice was the most reasonable and morally unproblematic character of the main cast overall and by S01/2, that truly showed.

If we refer only to S03 Hatice, it would make a tiny bit more sense for people to not find her that sympathetic. Because while she underwent a good flanderization arc, it's still flanderization and some traits of hers seem to be more present than others in that season, especially knowing the trajectory of said arc. It may look like there isn't a sympathetic reason to do what she does, as if she's like this all of the sudden. But here's the rub: season 3 wasn't supposed to give this much context to Hatice's actions, it's the pay-off of a build-up, the peak of her arc that leads to a resolution. Season 3 wasn't supposed to repeat stuff that has already been established, all Hatice is doing there, has been set up for an entire season, if not more. We already know what's driving her, we already have the sympathetic reasons. That's why all the attention is given to her actions that bring her to tragedy, not to introspective scenes.

Back to Ibrahim's relation to Hatice's character: A common affirmation I hear is that Hatice's rift with Hürrem was caused thanks to Ibrahim and Ibrahim alone. There's so much more to it than that! While we had the scene that started the build-up and the one that ended it be about a possible/already a fact infidelity of Ibrahim's as a parallel, these are only a part of it, not it in its entirety. Keep in mind that the one thing that fully set the upcoming enmity in motion during S03 is Hürrem taking Valide's chambers. And at first Hatice wasn't about to blame Hürrem for it all when she went to tell it to his majesty (her saying to Gülfem that it doesn't matter who told her about the affair) with her claiming that Hü ruined her life only after their confrontation for Valide's chambers. And here we return to the center of Hatice's character: thing is, whether we liked it or not, Hürrem always was a threat to the dynasty in Hatice's eyes. Şah asked her the infamous question: "The dynasty or Ibrahim?" when she was asked why is Hürrem a threat in E81, but I think both are in conjunction, yet independent of each other here. Hatice values tradition just like her mother and Hürrem breaking them all would cause some kind of disturbance. She got distraught right after she was freed and married, claiming that it had to be stopped before it happened, look also how she told Afife Hatun that Hürrem had to be gotten rid of because she caused unrest in the harem! Not only Ibrahim's death, but Valide's death impacted her so much, she thought someone had to supposedly protect the dynasty for what is to come before everything goes haywire and that's what she attempted to do the entire time. In S03A personal motives clearly ran together with the apparent protection of the dynasty (I sometimes like to parallel Hatice's dynasty with Kösem's state in my head, despite that Kösem's urge to protect the state comes more with her role as a ruler and regent and measures out of necessity, while Hatice's comes from willingness to preserve balance and harmony in a more personal level.) and she considered Hürrem as a threat to everything Hatice believes in. She seems to also take on her mother's footsteps in that regard, in a way, using common for Valide methods like sending a concubine to SS etc. She considers Hürrem a threat for her own stability and well-being and that isn't limited to just Ibrahim.

Her relationship with SS is the one that is probably the most connected to Ibrahim, judging by their first more "nuanced" scene for me (him deciding to marry Ibro and Hati) and fallout (the confrontation for Ibrahim's death), but that could be also connected to what Hatice has previously experienced and genuine respect for him as a brother before all the rocky stuff happened. And interestingly, her deep resentment and then despise of him is targeted at him bringing Hürrem to their lives, not simply just killing Ibrahim, though that was also an intensely strong motivator of hers.

Hatice's bond with Mustafa is also strong even before she fell in love with Ibrahim. She also considered him "the future of the dynasty", played with him in the gardens, comforted him in tough times when she could. They didn't have as many scenes together, but the relationship added a good amount of flavor to her character.

A reason why I think Hatice's relationship with Mahidevran is so precious and criminally underrated, is that this is the relationship least centered on Ibrahim, second only to Hatice's with Valide. Their scenes early on is mostly them being there for each other and being happy with each other's moments of good time. They're very bound to each other and are very good friends that still have a dynamic relationship. The temporary S02B fallout between them has everything to do with Hatice's disappointment and disbelief of Mahidevran's own failings. She also threatened something Hatice cared about and did something she didn't expect of her. And that isn't barely noticeable, Hürrem even remarked that Mahidevran is becoming alone in E58. (oh my, I hate this scene with passion, but anyway.) After that their dynamic then remained basically intact for S03, expect that they could act more like allies than friends. But that's a given, due to the more intense events in the palace and the tonal shift of the show.

I find her dynamic with Şah fascinating due to their contrasting personalities and strained, yet loving relationship. The feud between them had enough context given to us through Beyhan's words to Şah in E83: that Hatice not only was Valide's favorite, but she apparently had the life Şah wanted to have, which explains Şah's ambition and supposed distance and secrecy well enough. More backstory would mean destroying the interesting duality in the relationship and wouldn't make Şah's motivation half as interesting and uniquely presented as it was, to be honest. Which is why I find her dynamic with Hatice way more interesting than her dynamic with Hürrem (which is good, too, but pretty generic), but that's also a post for another day. But Hatice is actually the more open person in this dynamic and the one more revealing her feelings. Şah wanted her to move on from her losses, but Hatice objects so strongly because it all has gotten to a completely personal level, with Şah trying to redecorate her castle, it would look like she's trying to change her from the outset, her as a person, which is something Hatice would never agree with. But then again, it's clearly shown that deep down Şah cares about what Hatice wants and is trying to do the best for her in her own way. And the emphasis is again put on family: they still get along and reconcile, setting their differences aside.

Many of Hatice's introspective scenes were with Gülfem and while they talked about Ibrahim many times, we could still see the amount of powerful support between them. Hatice shared everything with Gülfem, it was as if they knew everything about each other. They were each other's comfort.

She showed moral support to Beyhan, as well. That is another familial relationship that shows both casual and profound interactions. It's not there as much, but that's more because of Beyhan's limited screentime, not because of something to do with Hatice.

Even her arc with Ibrahim isn't all about him, but is also tied to the core of her character. The line between dynasty and family drives their whole fallout and if it wasn't there, the conflict between them wouldn't ever take place. Hatice ultimately forgiving Ibrahim is more about her getting out of her own dynastic outlook, which is a relevant character development of hers that happens along with her flanderization. And that plot-line is as important as the flanderization, even more so, and it pushes it forward. It was a resolution of the conflict with family and dynasty in Hatice, not exactly forgiving Ibrahim just for Ibrahim. (that is also a factor, no doubt, because she loves him and he is a part of her character, but not all her character.)

Overall, for me Hatice is a multi-faceted, amazing character that is actually very fleshed out in the span of three seasons. I don't find much issue with her writing: everything that happened with her is logical and well-explained if you look closely enough and I don't want more for her arc. It was original and outstanding for what it was, both as a character concept and a dynastic sultana of the franchise.

[snakeboistan]

A Wish In A Jar

Pairing: Sugino and Nagisa (gen)

“Sugino,” The captain of Tomohito’s high school baseball team drawled from his perch on a changing room bench, “are you aware that there will be a hole on the floor from your pacing. Like, seriously dude, you’re worrying so loud that I can literally hear thoughts.”

“This is the fall tournament, Takahashi,” Tomohito said, nerves all tangled up into an anxiety-ridden amalgamation and hands wringing frantically, “winning this qualifies us for the Spring Koshien. Losing it w-”

“We’re not going to lose, Sugino,” their vice-captain, Nakajima, clapped him on the shoulder and shot him a friendly smile, “we’ve all been practically eating, sleeping and breathing baseball for the past few weeks so why don’t you sit down and try to calm down alright.”

��Yeah, dude,” another teammate voiced his concern, “you look like you’re about to keel over. I don’t see any reason why you should though - your fastball’s gotten pretty good.”

That didn’t really do much to soothe his apprehension but with a resigning sigh he did drop down onto a free bench. Anyone and everyone that knew Sugino Tomohito, or at least had a five minute conversation with him, knew that baseball was his passion, no competition (like, no joke, he even got sent to E-Class because he was too into it - but then again his year in 3-E was by far the best time he’s ever had so he’s counting that as a win) and that his dream since elementary school was to make it to the Koshien High School Baseball, and then get scouted and meet Arita and make it to the Japanese Professional Baseball League, and then play in the Nippon Series and then play for Major League Baseball in the World Series (hey, he’s got high hopes, sue him). Anyway, the idea is that baseball was his life and this game really means a lot to him so if he messes up even once then he can kiss his hopes and dreams goodbye as he buries himself under his bed covers with a bucket of fried chicken and hibernate there until he dies. Well, maybe he won’t be that dramatic but he really really wants to win and not disappoint his other hardworking teammates when they’ve already come so far. His dream was so close he could almost taste it. Or maybe that was his sense of impending doom. Who knows?

“Hey, Sugino, listen,” his captain said, “at least you’re still a first year. Even if something happens - which won’t by the way - then you’ve got all of the summer and next year to try again, and then the year after that.”

“Yeah, I know, but-”

Then, cutting through his thoughts like a professional pitch through the air, was a voice that Tomohito could recognise with his eyes closed, a voice that he’s known since Junior High would always be able to lift his spirits up.

“Sugino! Sugi-Sugino!” 

And just like he expected, a flash of blue caught his vision before the person he was expecting stood by the door of the changing rooms, a hand gripping onto the door frame. He looked just as he sounded, out of breath and like he had ran a marathon. He was breathing deeply, the apples of his cheeks tinted red and the drawstring shoelaces at the center of his hoodie askew, but the moment he locked eyes with Tomohito, his face had physically brightened.

“Nagisa,” Tomohito said with a disbelieving laugh, “wha-how?”

“Oh, thank god you’re here,” their second baseman placed an arm around the blunette’s shoulder with a dramatic sigh akin to a priest whispering his thanks at the altar. He jerked his head in Sugino’s direction, “that one could use some cheering up. He’s acting like Cap did before he confessed to Naho-chan.”

Nagisa ducked instinctively when he saw an empty plastic bottle soar towards the other boy’s head and hit him square on the temple, the captain glowering at his teammate, “Oi, shut the f*ck up, Hagiwara.”

Tomohito watched with mild interest as his teammates began to undergo their usual routine of pre-game bickering before he felt a presence by his side and looked down to meet Nagisa’s shy gaze, “uh, hey?”

Nagisa giggled slightly at his (sorta lame) greeting, “hey, Sugino. Just came to check up on you, you know. See if you’re okay.”

“Why are you speaking like you didn’t spend an hour last night hyping me up on the phone and then sent me an essay over text about how I’m amazing and how much you believe in me,” Tomohito raised an amused eyebrow, muffling his laughter at Nagisa’s bashful smile. He vaguely registered someone whispering ‘gotta get me a bro like that’.

“I’m-I’m just trying to be a supportive friend,” the shorter boy defended himself, “I know how much this means for you okay, I just want you to know that I’m here for you.”

“Dude, I’ve never once had to question whether or not you’re there for me,” Tomohito punched the other lightly on his shoulder, “I like to think I know you well enough to know that I can always count on you to be by my side.”

“Always,” Nagisa nodded, “and hopefully that means you know me well enough to know that even if you don’t win - which is honestly the least likely outcome - I’ll still be proud of you because I know you well enough to know that you gave it your best.”

Tomohito swallowed, “I just wish that we do win.”

At that Nagisa smiled like he did when he had just won a game or had figured out a particularly difficult question, “Well, I think that I might have something that might help with that.”

At Tomohito’s furrowed brows and confused head tilt, the blunette turned and reached inside his shoulder bag that Tomohito had just realised was dangling near his hips. He placed both of his hands inside and then pushed something cold and solid into his chest. Tomohito glanced down before flicking his vision back at Nagisa’s meek face and then looking back down again. Slowly, he gripped onto the sides of whatever it was Nagisa had thrust towards him. Aware of the hushed whispers and gasps of awe, he held it out in front of him. The object appeared to be a medium sized mason jar which held hundreds upon hundreds of tiny little pieces of multicoloured papers, all folded into really small … paper cranes.

“A thousand paper cranes,” Nagisa said, looking at the floor and playing with the hairbands on his wrist, “Now if my memory serves me correctly, I believe that this should grant you one wish. You-you don’t have to use that now and I’m more than confident in your skills but, you know, if you need some form of divine intervention, which unfortunately I can’t give you, then…”

You’d think that being best friends with Shiota Nagisa since he was fourteen would make him immune to being surprised with just how much of an unbelievable person he was, but time has no impact whatsoever because the short little brunette with stuttering words and cautious hands always somehow seems to do yet another thing that completely throws him off his axis.

“When-when did you even have the time to do this?” he managed to stutter out, 

Nagisa shrugged noncommittally, flashing one his signature shy smiles, “I have my ways. Plus, origami’s been a hobby of mine for years.”

“I-this is,” Tomohito choked, “Nagisa, thank you.”

“No problem,” Nagisa beamed. A few feet away, some of Tomohito’s teammates placed hands on their hearts whilst one pretended to faint. 

“Would Keisetsu Daigaku Fuzoku High really mind if we keep you here?” One of his teammates asked Nagisa, “like seriously, have you ever considered transferring?” 

“You’ve asked me that like twenty times,” Nagisa pointed out. 

“Twenty-one,” Tomohito muttered. To say that Nagisa had some sort of charm would be an understatement. Even though Tomohito and Nagisa no longer went to the same school, they still made a habit to walk home together. Thankfully, their schools were within walking distance from each other and Tomohito’s after-school practices with his team lasted long enough for Nagisa to be able to make it to his school’s playing field at least five minutes before packing up. After two and a half weeks of Nagisa waiting for him by the gates of the field, his teammates demanded to be introduced and one thing led to another and now they all love him. Well, to be honest, how can anyone not? He wasn’t named ‘Class 3-E’s resident cinnamon roll/sunshine boy’ for nothing (Nakamura’s words, not his). Nagisa said that it was because of his unnecessary boasting that another school’s sport’s team would invite him over for baseball club sleepovers but Tomohito just laughed and said that there was a reason Fuwa had once told him that he could take over the world.

“I’d best get going to the stands,” Nagisa turned to his ex-classmate, “You brother’s saved a seat for me next to him and I don’t want to cause any problems. Oh and I’ve got to warn you - some of our old classmates are here and they’ve brought banners.”

Tomohito blushed, face-palming with a groan, “Seriously?”

“I tried,” Nagisa smiled sheepishly, “Fuwa wanted to bring a megaphone but I managed to negotiate her down to a noisemaker.”

“Whyy?” Tomohito despaired into his hand whilst Nagisa’s eyes shone with amusement at his clear suffering. Doesn’t he get enough embarrassment from his family?!

“I’m sure that they just want to show their support just as I do. And don’t worry, Isogai and I are here to keep them in line.”

“Thank the gods.”

The other gave him one last ‘good luck’ shoulder punch before adjusting his bag’s strap.

“Don’t forget what you told our sensei back in Junior High,” Nagisa said as he made his way, “‘I don’t want to just put up a fight. I want to win’.” The shorter boy then turned his head and looked directly into his eyes, a small smile gracing his face, “so go out there and give them hell.”

And with that, he left, leaving the ensemble of sportsmen staring at the door in his wake. 

“That’s a good friend you’ve got there,” Yamato Akane, the team’s short-stop, observed. 

“That was so sweet,” Hagiwara started swooning, stars in his eyes as he draped himself backwards onto a locker, “Oh if only someone would wish me luck like that. Hopefully a cute girl - who would come to me before the game and blush as she hands over a bouquet of flowers-”

“Shut the eff up, dumb*ss, no one wants to hear your stupid fantasies.”

“Ugh, rude.”

Tomohito dodged the stray jersey that was sent flying in the other boy’s direction, clutching onto the jar like it was his first born child. His entire body was on fire.

Let’s show them.

[duchesschameleon]

codependent idiots

an ajf playlist for @winterscaptain

hello tali! and everyone else reading this.

music is something incredibly important to me, as a musician and as someone who hates existing in silence. I always need something in the background. so, what better way to celebrate 100 ajf fics than with a playlist? tali, I am so incredibly proud of you for 100 ajf fics and so honored to have been part of the journey. and to be your friend. seeing the hard work that goes into this universe and how much you love it is just incredible. I cannot wait for what comes next and to see you continue to create and grow this universe that I love so, so much. you are amazing and wonderful and I love you to bits and pieces darling.

so without further ado, here’s the playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0RpXkdEbsdMqX6l5daBdaL?si=bae62e4556674c84

These songs make me think of ajf or just fit the universe - it’s not about one specific moment or one specific relationship, it’s ajf as whole. So I’ve included a little explanation for each song, considering there isn’t a cohesive sound.

paper rings - taylor swift

this one is pretty self explanatory. it’s a song about loving someone so much you don’t care how, when, or why you marry them. considering meraki, I think we can all agree this fits.

I will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie

this is a song that screams going to the end of the line for someone. and we’ve seen time and time again (and I’ve referenced it in many a commentary) that aaron & mom lean on each other for everything. they are so reliant on each other for everything and I feel like this song captures it. 

be my baby - the ronettes 

another classic love song. and just the right amount of sweetness for aaron & mom I think. their love, to me, is a deep and everlasting love that endures and as we’ve seen in the fic, is filled with sweet moments between each other. and there’s a lot in this song about knowing you love someone from the start.

can’t keep on loving you from a distance - elliot yamin

this fits into berry hill/mean it ajf I think. it’s the yearning guys. it’s the not being able to love someone from afar anymore and wanting to do something about it. yeah I threw in a little angst, but this is one of my favorite songs. it’s good and it fits. it’s a crossroads.

die a happy man - thomas rhett

pretty self explanatory, listen to the lyrics. it's all about needing just the love of the person you love the most in this world. that is aaron and mom to a t. 

unforgettable - thomas rhett

okay an upbeat song! this one is not forgetting any detail from when you met the person you love. again, aaron and mom. also it’s one of my favorite thomas rhett songs. it’s about inevitability, knowing that you’ve found your person, and not forgetting a single thing about them. 

this will be (an everlasting love) - natalie cole

aaron always gives me classic song vibes, he likes the oldies and what he was raised on. this song is...it is happiness personified. it is happiness and joy in a song and you cannot convince me it wasn’t played at the wedding. 

make a life, not a living - brett kissel

okay so first off: brett kissel is an amazing canadian country artist whom I love dearly. this is his newest song and it was released just in time for this. this ENCAPSULATES ajf for me - this aaron that allows himself to live and love again, to have this happiness and joy. it’s all about making a life, and making a good one. this is ajf for me. 

between you and me - brett kissel

and this one is for all the 18+/nsfw moments. listen to the song and it's pretty self-explanatory. 

at last - etta james

it took them like 6 years (? I think) to get together and another 2.5 to get married. someone played this at the wedding and you cannot convince me otherwise. again, it goes to inevitability and how everyone was waiting for this to happen. we knew it was gonna happen, it was just a matter of when. so when it does happen, everyone’s screaming “AT LAST!”

kiss me - ed sheeran

okay this album came out in 2011, mean it happened in 2011...it fits. and this song screams mean it to me. that’s really all I have to say

give me love - ed sheeran

same reasoning as kiss me. I just couldn’t decide which one fit more. but they both work.

growin’ up - bruce springsteen

this song is less mom & aaron and more ajf in general. it’s rebellion and doing what you want - hello bau - and it’s just a great song about learning and growing up and doing things your way. also it’s me, there had to be springsteen on here somewhere

mary’s place - bruce springsteen

run with me on this one: you’re driving in the car with your family, people you love, and this song comes on. you can’t help but smile and sing along and it is happiness personified. this one is all about the vibes, not the lyrics or meaning of the song. this to me is a bit of a party starter and something that could play at every bau party. familiar faces, laughter, gathering people together….this is all about having a good time with people you love. 

we take care of our own - bruce springsteen

last springsteen song I promise. this one is similar to above, it’s all about a family and being there for one another. looking out for your own, looking out for each other. 

some day one day - queen

this is a great soft, sweet song talking about hope for mom & aaron. much like this is early in queen’s discography, it fits into the early years of ajf. 

you’re my best friend - queen

self explanatory. they are codependent, they rely on each other so much, they are best friends and lovers. it fits so well. and this song will always put a smile on my face.

another one bites the dust - queen

another unsub bites the dust because the bau is great at their jobs. and, this screams hotchner’s dancing around the kitchen or the living room. they seem like the kind of family to dance around and film each other for….no ulterior motive whatsoever (/sarcasm)

my wish - rascal flatts 

so this fits for the wedding vows BUT ALSO - during enough when aaron is thinking about how he’ll fit into reader’s life. he just wants them to have a good life, to find happiness. that is his wish for them. 

danger zone - kenny loggins

we all know the hotchner’s love top gun. they absolutely, unabashedly love this song and blast it for a dance party. 

landslide - fleetwood mac

maybe it’s because we sang this at my camp as a last night campfire song, but I can see this being a song sung to the littles to get them to settle down. the lyrics might not make total sense but it’s a bit of a vibe. 

this is it - scotty mccreery

it’s a great love song and I love it. it gives me ajf vibes for many reasons and many moments in the series

not alone - mcfly

OH ITS TIME FOR MY MCFLY SOAPBOX. mcfly is a band that yes, I mostly know because of the close geography of the internet and early 2010s british youtubers. they are a big band in the uk and they were in an early 2000s movie called just my luck with chris pine and lindsay lohan. I love the movie, I love mcfly. seriously, they are one of my favorite bands ever. not alone is a great song and one I think can be the background for many ajf scenes. and yes this is about to start a few mcfly songs on the playlist

I wanna hold you - mcfly

it’s just about being close and wanting to hold the person you love. how many times during ajf do we see mom & aaron with a hand on each other and reaching for one another? 

it’s all about you - mcfly

I tend to find this is the most well known mcfly song. it was written for one of the band members’ wife and it’s so good. and yes, again, it encapsulates the love aaron and mom have.

being alive - company

I kinda had the realization that this song screams aaron to me. that for so long he fought against his feelings and was almost content with being alone, with not having anyone. he sort of holds himself at arms length, like bobby does throughout company. and then at some point, there’s a switch. and he realizes that being alone is not the same as being alive and he wants to have someone to hold and someone to be alive with. and that’s what this song is about. 

louder than words - tick, tick, boom

there are so many times where aaron and mom just look at each other. they use their actions, their body language, and their eyes to communicate and forgo words. they don’t need words. and it’s not just with one another. it’s with jack and the littles and the whole team. actions truly do speak louder than words in this universe. 

always will - bright star 

it’s a mean it & mistletoe song. “we’re supposed to be/together it’s true/I’ve had my doubts/but not about you.” these lyrics SCREAM ajf and this is one of my favorite songs from bright star - WHICH IS AN UNDERRATED MUSICAL.

dirty little secret - all american rejects

okay so it’s never a dirty secret, but this fits in during the mean it arc. they’re so secretive and sneaking around. we needed one unhinged song here okay???

the power of love - huey lewis & the news

this is a song that fits the relationship, but is also something that could play in the hotchner house and get everyone singing and jamming. or could be played at dinner at uncle dave’s house to get everyone up and dancing on the flagstones.

sharp dressed man - zz top

it’s aaron hotchner. also, this is a song I can see aaron making his kids listen to (yes my dad made me listen to this a lot growing up)

I want to hold your hand - the beatles

yes we need a beatles song on here and yes this is one that always makes me think of ajf. there’s always some way people are touching - linking pinkies, holding hands, a finger through a belt loop, hands on the top of someone’s chair - touch and contact are important here so yes this is the requisite beatles song.

the heart never lies - mcfly

one more mcfly song. just listen to the lyrics and you’ll know why it’s one of my favorites. for as long as these two fought their feelings and denied them, the heart never lies. and their eyes can give it away.

[jeonqukie]

OUT OF LOVE / 02.

SYNOPSIS / When you think you’ve covered all your bases, you’re left panicking when you realize you have no place to call home. Luckily for you, you have a best friend who is more than happy to call you his roommate.

FEATURING / Jeon Jungkook.

GENRES / Jungkook being the biggest gamer & best friend ever, lots of angst and secret feelings, lots of fluff especially from our soft bunny, and eventual smut.

WARNINGS / This part may contain some pretty self-deprecating commentary and there will be mature language used throughout the series.

WORD COUNT / 2k+

TABLE OF CONTENTS / To be redirected and get the latest on the story, click on the table of contents.

NOTES / Thank you so much for the love part 1 has received! I’m absolutely grateful and enthralled from the bottom of my heart. To those who have expressed their love for these drabbles, thank you for sharing them with me! Please do not hesitate to send them to me. I promise I’m super nice and will just shower you with so much love as well. Feedback is always welcome. 

© All rights reserved to jeonqukie. All or portions of my work may not be reproduced, distributed, modified, or used in any way whatsoever without my permission.

“Don’t panic.”

Those two damn words echoed in your head all entire week.

Jungkook would constantly remind you to stop worrying so much about finding a new place. 

“Look, I’ll talk to my manager if there are any available apartments either here or somewhere else. I’m sure she’ll know something about an available unit.”

You grumbled from where you sat as you endlessly scroll through the numerous apartment listings. Though most of them said new units would be available in three months month, you did not want to spend another there e torturous months with you wretched ex-boyfriend.

“How can there be a mix up with the waitlist? I’ve confirmed with my supposed apartment manager that there was a new unit available for me, but how is there a mix up in the waitlist? I just don’t get it.” 

Jungkook observes you from the kitchen where he was cracking eggs into a bowl and you sat at the dining room with your reading glasses perched at the bridge of your nose. Your notepad had too many crossed out locations and all he can do is smile and shake his head at how stubborn you were.

And then he is reminded about how you’d correct him.

Every single time he’d comment on how fucking stubborn you were, you’d retort back by saying it was persistence.

He’d chuckle every time he catches you biting your bottom lip and you’d perch your head on your palm as begin typing away on your computer.

“I don’t understand why you’re giving up your apartment to —“

“We do not speak of his name.” You grumble and you place your pencil on your ear. “I want to completely rid of him from my life, y’know? The apartment will just be another reminder to me. Besides, work is too far. If I find a place around this neighborhood, I’d be way closer to work.”

Jungkook pokes the tip of his tongue against the inside of his cheek as he resumed breaking the yolk of the eggs and scrambling them together. He can feel the increasing heat of the pan where he takes a pad of butter and coat the surface area of the pan with it.

When he dumps the mixture on the pan, a loud trilling noise fills the room. Your phone screen lights up and you both can read the name.

Both of you had not spoken his name in weeks; let alone have seen it displayed right in front of you. After giving it a few more seconds to ring, you let out a deep exhale and decide to answer it before placing the phone onto your ear.

“Hi.” Your voice came off so stern yet there was a hit of hesitance in it. Jungkook’s jaw tenses when he sees that you have clutched onto the pencil that had been perched on your ear so tightly as your eyes searched the computer monitor for some sort of distraction.

But most of all he can sense the pain in your voice with one single word.

“I — uh, yeah, thanks for that. I’m not sure when I’ll be free but you can just send the money through my bank account.” You swallow hard and Jungkook could have sworn he could hear it from the kitchen. When he had been done with the cooked eggs, he places a serving for you along with two lightly toasted bread to the side and placing the plate right in front of you.

Your call with Eunwoo had ended.

There was a moment of silence — a moment of contemplation before you went back to searching through the apartment listings.

“What did he want?”

Your fingers nimbly picked up the silverware and you scooped the eggs into your mouth, taking bites out of your toast.

“He’s giving up the apartment.” You answer him and Jungkook feels relieved for a moment but there is no sign of joy in your face. You have your brows knitted together.

He observed the way your quick fingers type away quickly on your phone when you had fished it out of the pocket of your jacket. Tap after tap, you finally land on a page where your face unravels all of your pain.

“Our manager says that the unit seemed good as new, so they were willing to give me back the deposit I had. He’s going to send it to my bank account.”

However, Jungkook is ultimately confused to see your mood change after that phone call.

“Why — why are —?”

“He’s staying with Soohyang.” You scoffed and he stops chewing on his own breakfast when his doe eyes meet yours. You toss your phone on the dining table and begin to chew on the inside of your cheek. “All those fights — all those times I thought I was blaming myself for even doubting his trust and it turns out I was right all along.”

The room grows silent and Jungkook sees the waterworks build in your eyes.

You were doing so well.

You hadn’t cried for the past three nights but that was because you had gone to work. You had your head so preoccupied on working and finding a new place to live and now that you were back to ruminating upon your previous relationship, you can’t help but feel defeated once again.

“I’m going to use the bathroom.” A single tear falls from your cheek. You have lost your appetite to eat, so you place the fork down on the plate only to stand up from where you sat and you excuse yourself to use the bathroom.

When Jungkook was left on his own, he can’t help but pick up your phone to see what could’ve possibly made you so upset.

Of course, you had every reason to be upset because your ex-boyfriend will be staying with his supposed best friend. But weren’t you doing the same thing?You had been seeking refuge under your best friend’s roof for the past week.

But this was different.

Jungkook sees that your phone had remained unlocked and the screen displayed Soohyang's Instagram page. There is a post where Soohyang is taking a mirror picture with Eunwoo; arms wrapped around her petite framed while his head nuzzles onto her neck.

Finally mine.

The caption reads and, now, he understands.

So Jungkook abandons his breakfast and he makes his way towards his bathroom where he immediately sees the lights turned on. He can hear the sounds of the water pouring and muffled sniffles from the the other side of the door.

He hesitated to knock on the door but he lifts his fists, knuckles meeting the wooden door to knock very softly, careful not to startle you. But you jump from the other side of the door and you look for your face towel to begin tapping your already red face to try to calm yourself down.

“YN?”

“I’ll be out in a  minute, Kookie.” Your voice cracks in an attempt to feign happiness. But he knows deep down you were not okay with this.

“YN, I know you’re not okay. Just open the door and we can talk it out.” You can feel the fresh hot tears build up again and you refused to let them fall, but you fail nonetheless.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You sigh so softly and Jungkook’s head presses against the wooden door, waiting for you to open the door. Your hands clutched on the edge of the counter so forcefully, trying to get a grip of yourself.

Knowing very well how long it’ll take you to calm down, Jungkook decides to take a seat on the carpeted floors of his bedroom as he awaits for the bathroom door to open.

When you hear a soft thud at the other side of the bathroom door, you swallow hard, convincing yourself to get a grip of yourself quicker than usual.

“YN,” Jungkook starts his sentence before he places his head on the other side of the door. “It’s… okay to not be okay about this.” The words come out of his lips so effortlessly and it was all it took for you for more tears to come.

The strained whimpers are muffled from the outside and Jungkook is patient to wait for you to unlock the bathroom door so he can enter. But he can hear shuffling on the otherwise where you drop on the spot, hugging yourself.

“I have no right to be sad.” A sob practically squawks out of your mouth. All the emotion come flooding out of your mouth with each word. “I wanted this to happen. I wanted to break up with him. I wanted to move out and I’m supposed to be happy, so I have no right to be sad.”

Jungkook can feel his chest swell with pain at your thought process and all he wants to do is barge in and have you in his arms.

“YN, no one — absolutely no one deserves what you just experienced.” Jungkook’s head is against the door, hoping he’d hear your loud and clear. “You obviously didn’t want to break up with Eunwoo. No one goes into a relationship and wants to break up with them later on. You wanted to break up for good reason because you are right about one thing — you and Eunwoo are… just not compatible for each other.” 

Jungkook carefully worded his thoughts, hoping it’d comfort you without having to offend you or make you feel like this was something you had wished for.

“You wanted to move out because it was too painful. Staying would have been just as bad — maybe even worse if you hadn’t decided to move out. It’ll make closure so much easier because you would’ve been completely moved past this chapter of your life.”

Your sobs begin to soften with each comforting word. His logic and rationale made sense and you extend your arm towards the door knob and you unlock it for Jungkook to have access inside the bathroom.

When he hears the rattle of the knob, he gets up from where he sat only for him to enter inside the bathroom slowly.

There he sees you curled up at the side of the counter, head against the wall and your red, tired eyes look up at him where he lowers himself down in front of you.

“It’s okay to cry and feel bad.” His tattooed arm stretches right in front of you where he grabs your face towel and he begins to wipe the tears off of your puffed visage. “There’s nothing wrong with crying or feeling remotely disappointed — you have every right to be.”

You nod once in response and you cried silently while he continued wiping the salty tears.

“Did you want to stay here or move somewhere more comfortable?” He queries and you sigh, getting up from where you sat and deciding to moving to another spot.

When you lethargically move towards his bed, Jungkook moves to the dining and kitchen area where your breakfast resided. He grabs the plates of eggs and toast before he transfers it to the bed where you both silently ate together and he’d continue the search of apartment listings while you attempted not to dwell on your own decisions.

“Okay, I have officially gone out. Are you happy, Kookie?”

Jungkook had been awfully chipper that afternoon and he you can’t help but feel slightly annoyed by his uplifting mood.

After the discovery of Eunwoo and Soohyang's union, you had backtracked into your progress of recovering from a heartbreak. However, Jungkook refused for you to wallow in sadness all day.

You remembered vividly how Jungkook waited for your come outside from the bathroom and he had embraced you so tightly. It was an ephemeral comfort but there was an omnipresent reminder that you were miserable. The boyfriend you so badly wanted to break up with decided to do it himself and you were so heartbroken.

He had essentially left you, only to be with the one girl you were envious off. Why did you care so much? This is what you wanted, you’d constantly tell yourself.

Though you knew you still had feelings for Eunwoo, you were smart enough to understand that he was bad for you and you were bad for him, so why were you so torn apart when you saw him with someone else?

All you wanted to do was curl up in your pajamas, but you had no time to waste because you were starting to feel like a burden to your own best friend.

Little did you know that he was enjoying your company.

Your confidence and self-esteem had been at an all time low and Jungkook couldn’t stand to see you sulk and tear yourself apart.

That was all it took for him to force you out of his couch and convince yourself to get dressed up because you two were going to watch an afternoon showing of any movie you thought would be remotely good.

However, you can barely recall what the movie was about… or even the name of it, for that matter, because you were too focused on the anguish and anxiety settled in the pits of your stomach.

Your now ex-boyfriend, the one you so badly wanted to break up with, decides to dump you first. The plan to move out of the home you shared now blown into thin air because there was a “mix up.” While you’re stuck apartment hunting and essentially couch surfing, Eunwoo has now sought comfort in the humble abode of his new girlfriend.

You were starting to feel responsible for the mess that is your life; no boyfriend and no home.

This is what you wanted, you would constantly remind yourself.

“I’m proud of you, YN.”

A voice interrupts your thoughts and your brows knit together in confusion at Jungkook’s praise. He swings his arm around your neck where he pulls you close and you grunt in response, shaking your head loose from his grip.

“But there’s something else I want to show you.” He announces.

“Kookie, you don’t need to make me feel any better. I had a really good time with you today. I didn’t even think about —“

“Just shut up and come with me, please. I promise this will make your day better.” Jungkook declares confidently and you roll your eyes at him before he grabs your hand and guides you to the lift where he goes four floors higher.

You are ultimately confused that you had gone to a different floor building other than Jungkook’s apartment and he continues to guide you through the hallway. You stop at the unit 812 and he pulls a key out of his jacket pocket to unlock the door and your eyes widen at such a bold action.

“You’re a fucking lunatic from breaking and entering into someone’s —“

“Will you shut up and just follow me?” He successfully unlocks the door and it swings open effortlessly where he captures your hand once again and you both amble inside the rather empty apartment. There had been several boxes and old items that have been stored in a corner and your eyes travel into the corridors and Jungkook slips his hands into his jacket pockets.

“What are we doing here?” Your curiosity is obvious in your voice and he cracks a wide smile for you.

“What do you think of the place?”

“It’s like any other apartment. It’s big and the carpets are nice — can you please just tell me what the fuck is going on, Kook?”

“Remember a couple days ago when I told you I’d talk to my manager,” You nod once and he runs his fingers through the back of his neck. “My manager tells me that there’s no single unit available. However, he did say a neighbor has recently vacated a double unit.”

It’s silent and you’re still having a hard time piecing the puzzle together.

“Our waitlist is long, but since I had been a good tenant, I have advantages. I can move into this place in a week.” Jungkook looks through the apartment and you feel defeated and the look is quite evident through your visage.

Jungkook’s excited smile soon fades and his brows knit together in concern and confusion.

“What’s the matter?”

“I — I can’t even find a fucking apartment and you’ve managed to get one yourself. I’m so —“ But all Jungkook can do is laugh heartily to himself. It was so endearing the way you pouted and started tearing up, sill not adding the pieces together.

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” He sighs exasperated when he pulls you close to him and he embraces you to comfort your crying body. “This is my apartment and I have an extra room. Coincidentally, I have an overemotional and clueless best friend who has no place to say, so she can come live with me.”

The words come so effortlessly out of his mouth and your sobs come to a halt.

“Wh — what?”

“You’re my roommate now, YN.”

“You can’t be serious.” There is a look of awe across your tear stained face and Jungkook swore he felt his heart race a tenfold at the sight of your mouth twitching to a smile. “Kookie, don’t play with my heart, are you serious?”

And he mimics the same grin that is plastered from ear to ear on your face.

“Now, why would I do that?”

↪ Please stay tuned for the next part!

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

Lets debunk the BS from this. Up top a lot of this BS comes from Bob Chipman/MovieBob who is the guy who if you recall said:

-         Superheroes like Superman (and thus by extension Spider-Man who marry civilians were jerks for putting their spouses through the same stuff soldiers’ spouses go through

-         Spider-Man appeals best to teens (even though he provably doesn’t since most people get into him before their teens and he appealed to college students in his heyday)

-         The Spider-Marriage was nothing more than a forced publicity stunt

-         Sins Past is worse than OMD

-         Spider-Man is about passive aggressive power

-         And the best one, ever since OMD Peter and MJ had become ‘more interesting’

That all being said lets dive into this:

Someone asked the panel what a queer reading would add to the character of Miles…Jesus…that’s just the greatest sign of hope for this podcast isn’t it? Shoot me now…

Miles was not 3 dimensional when he was created. Even if you disagree it is nonsense to say that Peter wasn’t  three dimensional when he was first created. Just look at how much Stan explored Peter’s psychology in this singular panel from ASM #50

Look at that. Peter Parker pulled between the two sides of his life. Making a judgement of someone. But then calling out his own judgement of them and acknowledging maybe he’s in the wrong.

This was 1967!

That isn’t three dimensional?

Additionally other people would disagree that Peter wasn’t three dimensional early on.

And even if you disagree with that it’s nonsense to say he hasn’t SINCE become three dimensional or that retaining his origin story (which Miles broadly uses as the basis for his story in every version of his character) somehow holds him back from being three dimensional. If nothing else Peter was at least multifaceted for the time period.

Spider-Man wasn’t an example of stories about a 15 year old made for 7 year olds. Spider-Man was intended to be a senior in AF #15 and the stories were written by Stan for at worst an older audience but at best basically just for him.

Stan Lee confirmed that AF #15 was written not as a one off but as something that if successful COULD become an on-going series.

Its BS to say Peter makes no sense as a character because he makes sense about as much as any character within the confines of the superhero genre can. MILES doesn’t somehow make more sense whatsoever.

No. Spider-Man wasn’t merely a thrown together ‘hey here is a teenage superhero story with a downer ending’ it was a story about selfishness, responsibility and appealed via it’s relative normalcy and lack of idealization of the superhero protagonist.

The psychology and thematic idea of his exclusive powers (invisibility+venom blast) is the same…how? How is disappearing and repelling people the same thing? They keep saying that in the podcast as though it’s obvious and it’s really not

Great Power=Great responsibility isn’t Peter’s catch phrase it’s the philosophy underpinning everything he does

‘The young end millennials have been thrown under the bus by society so the optimism is reserved for the young end millenials like Miles and Gwen’ oh but also ‘you need 5-10 years added to each character to have this make sense and also Spide-Ham doesn’t quit fit’…So…the theory doesn’t  make sense then does it. Also, what optimism is there for teen millenials in the late 2010s? We are all shit scared Global warming needs to be fixed within the next 10-20 years. The young end millenials will not be in much of a position to do that. Maybe not the high-end millenials either. The power rests in older Gen Xers or even older generations. So this ‘generational’ theory is bullshit. Yeah, Miles as the next generation maybe makes sense but not when you apply real world concepts of who the different generations are. Especially considering that’s made up bullshit anyway.

‘Blah blah blah for most of my life I’ve been uninterested in Spider-Man because I’ve believed him to be WHITE MALE teenaged wish fulfilment.’…*internally groans*…oh boy…this woman is one of those  types huh. Frankly I, and I would advocate others too, take a salt shaker with them whenever they hear someone say something like this. But more importantly Spider-Man is seriously NOT what she describes. For starters Peter was a senior in high school when he began and shouldered adult responsibilities when his father died. That’s wish fulfilment? That’s a BURDEN. The reason that spoke to so many people was because he was just different and because his imperfections made him more relatable. The whiteness idea is also bullshit since he was intentionally or otherwise subtextually Jewish and has spoken to countless people of all colours across the generations. He very particularly has a HUGE following among African Americans which was partially what prompted the creation of Miles Morals in the first place!  Shit, the showrunner for the 1994 Spider-Man cartoon was black for God’s sake. Many of the head honcho creators for ITSV were people of colour who were clearly MASSIVE Spider-Man fans!

‘As a woman Spider-Man didn’t resonate with me’. Spider-Man is male. And he acts in ways a male would in the context of the situations. But the character as a whole, in his deepest themes and concepts, is a universal character. He does and has spoken to people across race, gender, sex, sexuality, class, culture and generations. Spider-Girl, Mayday Parker, was her father’s daughter and far more similar than different to him. She spoke to male and female readers. Peter Parker himself has had female fans since his inception. There is no end of female fans here on tumblr or in other online spaces that are the proof of this, to say nothing of old letters pages.

Miles feels more like a real kid and fits together better than most other versions of Peter Parker?...how? I don’t like USM the comic but hwo the fuck do you take that, Spec Spidey, the 1994 cartoon and the Raimi movies (that MovieBob adores btw) and say ‘it doesn’t fit together properly like Miles’. Dude, Comic Book Miles Morales is a teenager in New York who goes to a bordering school for scientifically gifted kids and yet is supposed to be an everyman. That fits together well? He risked his life before  being motivated to do so which is how most 13 year old woudn’t  have acted. Then he feels guilty about Peter dying but his BFF explains it’s not his fault and he accepts this but then goes on to become Spider-Man anyway. And somehow this equates to guilt+responsibility. THAT’s better put together? His character got web-shooters two different ways by the same writer and the guy he was a legacy to was resurrected within like 3 years of Miles’ debut. That’s well put together? This makes more sense and is more believable than a kid who’s Dad dies because he didn’t use his gifts altruistically, so he spends his whole life striving to use them altruistically?

Blah blah blah MovieBob spewing more shit about how Peter is a teenage wish fulfilment power fantasy even though he clearly isn’t from a modern POV and REALLY wasn’t in the early 1960s.

By extension arguing Peter is an adult male’s retroactive teenaged wish fulfilment fantasy of working stuff out is so plainly wrong. Peter Parker in the early 1960s didn’t have everything figured out. The whole world was against him totally unfairly. He needed Aunt May or the Human Torch at times to give him pep talks. His social life was barely existent! You wanna see a middle aged man’s retroactive young wish fulfilment fantasy? Go read Brand New Day, which MovieBob claims was superior to the pre-OMD era. What is the wish fulfilment here? That attractive young women like him? Is that it? That one thing vs. all the horrible shit beating Peter down?

Bob claims there was a lot more Steve Ditko in the early issues of his run compared to Stan Lee because Peter was very angry. First of all Ditko was such a private person claiming he was definitely angry and that the anger was all him is a MASSIVE speculation. Especially considering Stan wrote Spidey as angry plenty after Ditko left. More importantly, Peter wasn’t  angry in the early Ditko issues except for maybe issue #8. He had his moments sure, but it wasn’t at all consistent. He wasn’t raging out or smashing shit like he did later  in Ditko’s run. He was more anxious and neurotic in those early issues which is comparatively closer to how Stan and Romita handled Peter in their earliest issues together. Peter and the whole world of Spidey got angrier towards the end  of Ditko’s run. You know when Stan was letting Steve plot stuff more and more…It’s almost like Bob is full of shit or something

Bob tries to claim by the time ITSV was being written the kinks in Miles’ character had been worked out in the comics. Nah fam. If anything they’d been exacerbated. In reality it was the ITSV writers who took the wonky early Miles character and worked out those kinks themselves, creating an overall superior rendition of the character. A viewpoint I am not alone in.

‘The Prowler has never been a particularly noteworthy villain in the comics’ That’s because he’s not  a villain. He was kind of a villain in his debut but he very quickly became an ally to Spidey

The panel then get into a very pretentious discussion about how ITSV preaches you arne’t stapled to your origin, you are not your trauma. That claiming that is pretentious ala Zack Snyder. But like…isn’t that the POINT of super hero origins? That they contextualize everything about the heroes thereafter? Isn’t carrying his trauma with everything they do practically the point of Batman and Spider-Man’s origins; you know the 2 most popular heroes? Uncle Ben’s death IS stapled to Spider-Man because it underlines everything he ever does. Shit it doesn’t even make sense when applied to Miles in ITSV. He does what he does because his Spider-Man died and then so did his uncle. There is even a whole scene in his dorm room where each Spider-Hero relays the grief that shaped their own lives. I’m not saying you need death and tragedy to be Spider-Man. But that’s neither a bad thing nor something that ISN’T applicable to Peter nor ITSV Miles. Aren’t these idiots supposed to be film buffs? How do you screw up such a basic reading like that?

One of the pundits claimed the movie preaches acting heroically in spite of your tragedies not because of them. Again though…that’ not Spider-Man. Peter is a hero specifically because his uncle died. Miles endeavours to become Spider-Man because his Peter died. His Uncle Aaron’s death further fuels him and allows him to make to final leap of faith. Yes, Peter B. continues to be a hero in spite of his failings but it is only his experiences with Miles that make that possible.

‘They don’t need the tragedies to be heroic they are already heroic in their own right. Look, I don’t disagree with that more broadly. Mayday Parker didn’t need tragedy to be a hero. But in terms of the specific characters in this movie? That’s clearly not true:

This whole ‘in spite of tragedy’ shit is so pre-Marvel DC comics it hurts. Heroes who just innately do the right thing because it is the right thing to do is a dated and archaic invention Spidey and the other Marvel heroes were reacting against.

‘Spider-Man Noir detracted from the film’s message of diversity because he was a brooding WHITE MAN who prowled the night to enact fist based justice!!!!’ Do I even need to say anything to that? First of all literally every hero in the movie enacts fist based justice. Why does Noir operating at night make him worse than Peter B? Why does him being male make that worse than Peni or Gwen? Why does him being white make that worse than Miles or Peni? And as for detracting from the message of diversity, shockingly diversity can be found within the same ethnic or gender group. You know white/male people aren’t a monolith and all that. Plus creatively you want PERSONALITY diversity more than anything else. In this movie in particular you want shorthand conceptual differences too. ‘Spider-Man but an anime mech girl’ ‘Spider-Man but a noir character’. ‘Spider-Man but a cartoon pig’. This is how asinine this disgusting modern day mentality is.

Wow…MovieBob defending Noir from the asinine comment. I’m genuinely surprised. Too bad he doesn’t use the most obvious defence of ‘that is obviously a ridiculous statement to make you moron’

The next topic of discussion was related to Marvel moving away from Gwen as Spider-Man’s dead girlfriend. I spoke a lot about Bob’s ice cold take on that in this post.

He claims they introduced Spider-Gwen because the idea would be taboo and thus would get people talking. HA! Spider-Gwen was done as just a general idea not something to spark controversy. It wouldn’t even BE controversial. Marvel brought back a version of Gwen within 2 years of her death. They brought her back again 15 years after her death. They brought her back again 22 years after her death along with other versions who melted because it was the Clone Saga. During and after all those times they had AUs of Gwen in What If, Age of Apocalypse, Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane and other such stuff. An explicitly AU of Gwen Stacy in 2014 was one of the most aggressively uncontroversial  things you could do.

Gwen’s ballet shoes differentiate her from every other Spider-Man ever. I mean yes in terms of being a dancer I suppose but in terms of being dedicated and studious, training hard and earning immense physical control? There have been plenty of versions of Spider-Man pre-2018 who are like that.

The only way you can make Spider-Gwen work going forward is by not tying it to her death in the canon? Boy…too God damn bad her debut and origin is entirely built upon that. Her origin in the comics and in the movies is built  upon a role reversal because it is Peter who dies to motivate her. Film audiences would’ve still grasped that role reversal because it was only 4 years ago Emma Stone’s highly popular rendition of the character died. And that was in the last pre-MCU Spider-Man movie to boot!

‘The only Iron Man story anyone cared about was Demon in a Bottle’ Actually they only cared about that story and Armor Wars. But yeah, the MCU version is lesser for neither having his alcoholism nor a crippling heart condition. The mere fact people became complacent about that doesn’t mean it wasn’t reductive.

‘These are fictional characters they need to grow and change with the times to remain popular’ Gwen Stacy sucked shit in the 1960s-1970s and was then killed off and defined by her death. Somehow she still  wound up becoming a fan favourite by the 90s and 21st century. Spider-Gwen sucks as a character but not in concept. I never had a problem with the concept. But the idea that she needed to exist to keep Gwen popular is bullshit because Gwen had somehow become immensely popular in spite of being a nothing character. And that even presumes anyone needed to perform maintenance on Gwen to keep her popular. No we didn’t. She was an irrelevant character beyond her death. It’s like saying we need to change Uncle Ben or Bruce’s parents to keep them popular.

Gwen’s affect on Peter Parker was important for awhile but we aren’t that society anymore. It’s not a fucking societal concern!  Putting aside how a 2014 movie did Gwen’s death just a few years before ITSV, Gwen’s death is about a universal human experience.  Death, grief, moving on. Oh, I see. This halfwit mistakenly believes Gwen is an example of women in the refrigerator.

Gwen died because Peter had this perfect lovely girlfriend and everything was too great for him and they didn’t know how to write beyond that. An oversimplification. Gwen died because they needed to shake things up for sales in general. Because Conway shipped Peter with MJ. And a 20 year old Spidey in 1973 really was too young to be killed off. Oh and you know she was written like shit. Yeah that’s the part no one ever talks about. Gwen is played up as this underserving victim of a character but she sucked shit.

It’s almost the 2020s! So fucking what? People still lose loved ones in the 2020s? I’m not even saying Spider-Gwen should have died in ITSV or revolved around her counterpart dying. I’m saying this dumbass is wrong for bringing it up as though killing Gwen off is dated on principle. But this is the same moron who unironically said ‘I never connected to Spider-Man because he is a teenaged white male wish fulfilment fantasy’. I’m sure she got top marks in her gender studies class

‘sOme PpL nEEd 2 gEt oVa iTTTTTTT’ I genuinely wish this person would wake up mute someday.

‘We could do a whole movie about Spider-Gwen’. I don’t respect where this opinion is coming from but I don’t necesarilly disag- ‘Get Seanen Maguire to write it’…nevermind. This gets even worse when you consider Maguire had only been writing Gwen for literally 3 issues at the time this podcast was released. Of the back of three issues  you are declaring this writer qualified to write an entire movie about the character? Not even Jason Latour who created her. I smell someone who just jumped on the bandwagon or worse is blinded by agenda and ideology.

‘Gwen could’ve done with 5 more minutes’ It’s not her movie!  It’s Miles’ movie and secondarily Peter B’s movie because he is Miles mentor. It is through their mutual relationship that Miles learns to be Spider-Man and Peter learns to be Spider-Man again.

It never made sense for an 80 year old woman to be raising a 16 year old boy! Aunt May in the 1960s wasn’t in her 80s. She just looked that way because, duh, standards of health were different back then. A 40 year old now looks much younger and in better health than someone who potentially might’ve been born in the 19th century circa 1962! A working class  woman no less…With chronic health problems! Even if she was in her mid-late 50s her looking like that was totally believable in context! And her raising Peter was also entirely believable depending upon how old Ben and May were when Richard and Mary were born. It’s not beyond possibility at all that there was 15-20 years separating Ben and his younger brother, meaning if Peter was born when Richard was 25, Ben and May would’ve been in their 40s. Thus by the time Peter was 15 they’d be in their 50s or 60s.

These idiots keep treating Peter from Miles’ universe as a bona fide version of 616 Peter when it’s blindingly obvious he’s supposed to be an idealized rendition of the character. A version intended to be a juxtaposition to the version we all know walking into the movie.

Peter B. Parker having a more traditional version of Aunt May as opposed to a more proactive and involved version has left him with a sense of giving up. Er…no. It’s pretty obvious Peter B. Parker is the Spider-Man we know and love who normally doesn’t give up but one string of failures after another has brought him to his lowest. But he rises back up again. Look Peter is supposed to be a representation of human beings. Human beings need people and need emotional support. When you lose those people and are alone you can go to a very dark place. That’s Peter B’s story. If Aunt May had been more involved but everything else went wrong (including her death) he’d have still wound up in the dark place he went to. Blonde Peter might’ve weathered May’s death better in theory but he had OTHER stuff in his life to keep him afloat. Peter B lost most everything. What horseshit it is to argue if Aunt May was different he’d have not given up.

There was no purpose for Aunt May being as old as she was or on the cusp of death in the original comics. Er…yeah there was. She was that old because it made her more vulnerable and thus accentuated the loss of her husband and the need for Peter to be her support network. It also internally justified why she was so frail and unwell. Old people usually have health problems. Duh! But then Bob admits there is a reason for those decisions. So he is contradicting himself.

Bob presumes Blonde Peter told Aunt May his secret even though there is no evidence in the movie to support that idea.

Kids today aren’t resentful of their grandparents like older generations were, that’s why Aunt May is played differently now. Um…Peter was never resentful of Aunt May in the first place. He sincerely loved her and felt he needed to pay her back for all she’d done for him.

‘Kids today have cool grandparents because 50% of them would have been hippies.’ Hippies aren’t cool. And never were. They were pretentious losers that hid behind causes as an excuse to do drugs and have lots of sex. Over half a century later the world they claimed to fight for and want to build has yet to materialise and in fact is in a lot of ways far worse off than it was before their generation rose to the seats of power. The hippy generation are part of the baby boomer generation that are so thoroughly mocked today. The people in power who’ve fucked up the job and housing market for consequent generations. These idiots literally spouted a dumbass theory earlier on about how first wave millenials have been thrown under the bus. Who do you think did that? The baby boomers, many of whom used  to be hippies! And NONE of this demands Aunt May has to be different. I have no problem with her being different in ITSV. But the idea of someone who used to be a hippy being doting? Being a worry wart? Why the Hell is that a dated concept?

These idiots clearly view the world aggressively through an identitarian and group weighted lens as opposed to how the world really is. I.e. 7 billion+ individuals

There was a weird amount of focus upon gangsters in the Spec Spidey cartoon considering it was for kids. Not really, the show was reverential of the original comics. The original comics (which were for children) had lots of gangsters

To the people who bitch and moan about getting another Spider-Man it doesn’t take away from the one you had before. No one was complaining about Miles as another Spider-Man in this movie. People weren’t claiming it ruins the Raimi movies or something. People resent it in the comics because it waters down the brand and makes Spider-Man himself less special when he is an ONGOING character. It’d be one thing maybe if the torch was passed from person to person. But nowadays it’s literally all of them co-existing.

Blah blah bah symbolism of a young black boy fighting a big WHITE business MAN. Blah blah blah this is the type of bad guy Miles would fight in real life blah blah blah…Jesus Christ… these people really just buy that type of Kool-aid in bulk don’t they? As if Miles, were he ‘real’ wouldn’t fight anyone who’s doing bad things. FFS they just got done talking about Tombstone from the Spec cartoon. Tombstone is an African American!  And he’s in this fucking movie. He’s not some weird fantastical guy, he’s a regular gangster who happens to be albino. That’s it. Miles fights him in this fucking movie! Miles first major adversary in the comics was the Prowler who was another African American. Miles wouldn’t JUST fight ‘evil white businessMEN’

‘As far as I know about Doc Ock from Superior Spider-Man, which is excellent’ Wow. So, as would be obvious with anyone with a working brain and some prior knowledge of Otto, Superior is garbage. And saying you are basing your assessments of Otto on Superior is like saying you have never known about the character

Doc Ock is in so many Spidey stories as a scientific assistant to other people because the Green Goblin is always either dead or completely untrustworthy. Bob really just said that huh? This is further proof Bob has read precious little Spider-Man material. Doc Ock is NOBODY’s assistant. Even in Secret Wars he had to be threatened into compliance by Doom himself when Ultron was his attack dog. Doc Ock isn’t recruited by other people for his genius, he is the mover and shaker. He recruits other people and is the man in charge. And who the fuck is looking to get the help of Norman Osborn because he’s a scientist? Not to mention Norman is untrustworthy, oh but Otto?????????? The guy who tried to nuke NYC???????? WTF is Bob talking about?

Since we are in the ‘age of heroes’ (whatever THAT means?) it is impossible for Spider-Man to not be mentored by some other hero. Er…yeah it is? This is obviously a defence of MCU Spider-Man and it holds no water. First of all DC and Marvel have had young heroes show up when there are a plethora of heroes around they’ve not had mentors. Second of all it’s entirely possible for Peter to not WANT a mentor and it’d be entirely believable that the other heroes might not see themselves as mentors or might mistrust him.

The Spider-Heroes take their grief and turn it into action. WHOA WHOA WHOA! Didn’t these guys say earlier that the movie preaches the heroes are more than their trauma? That they aren’t stapled to their origins? That they move on from it? What’s this change of tune all of a sudden?

Miles Dad was probably made into a cop to avoid having a difficult discussion about how the police would react to a black super hero or a black Spider-Man. Yeah, or it’s because you know…his Dad worked in law enforcement in the comics so you know…faithfulness. Also the police don’t discriminate against black heroes in the MCU except Luke Cage. Also, also not every fucking cop is racist. Also, also, also how would they know Miles is black his costume covers his whole body!

Miles Dad was super authoritarian. Dude. He didn’t like vigilantes and he followed basic rules like stopping not abusing police sirens. That’s hardly akin to being a jackbooted fascist.

Miles would’ve had a different relationship with authority and the police if his Dad hadn’t been a cop. Er…no not necessarily. First of all being the son of a cop doesn’t mean he’d have not experienced institutionalized racism from the police. Second of all even if he had experienced that he could still believe in justice and taking down obviously evil and dangerous people like Kingpin.

They never touched upon institutional racism from the police in Luke Cage which was for adults. Er, yes they did. The rapper in the later episodes of season 1 (the Bulletproof Love guy) stated he wasn’t going to call the police. The police were stopping and searching black men in their hunt for Cage. Black people wore shirts with holes in them in order to protect Cage and defy the cops. The rap mentioned how nobody was interested in protecting their neighbourhood.

Nobody wants the tell a superhero story about institutional racism within the authorities. Isn’t that literally Luke Cage’s origin? Didn’t Black Panther mention that earlier in the year ITSV was released.

I’m going to disagree that Miles fighting Kingpin was unnecessary because of the cultural connotations we talked about….God…You couldn’t just say ‘the main hero obviously has to defeat the main villain. Duh!’…

Dan Slott is a dang genius! As if you needed more proof these people are unqualified  to talk about Spider-Man…

Spider-Verse’s (the comic’s) fan service is what happens when you get Spider-Man fans to do the story vs. ITSV. Nah fam. ITSV is what happens when you get real fans who are talented  vs. Spider-Verse is what happens when you get a real fan who fundamentally misunderstands the characters and is a hack

There is no real Peter Parker. Who cares! The real Peter Parker is the original because he is the one everyone else is derivative of and therefore based upon. And fans AND creators and Marvel itself clearly care about that because they sure as fuck didn’t kill him  off so Miles could replace him. They killed off the secondary and surplus Ultimate Peter Parker. Treating the original version as the true  one doesn’t invalidate any other versions because they can still be great characters unto themselves. But given how disgustingly SJW this whole podcast has been I am unsurprised they go in for this participation trophy form of analysis where everything is equal all the time.

It also doesn’t invalidate the idea of Spider-Man being anyone. Spider-Man CAN be anyone. But not everyone can be Peter Parker. If we are going to say otherwise the praise these jackoffs lauded onto Miles for how his specific identity was explored is invalidated. Peter is Peter. Miles is Miles. They can both be Spider-Heroes worthy of the mantle.

Because Miles is a POC people who don’t look like Peter can believe they can be Spider-Man. I’m not arguing against Miles but seriously, that was the case before Miles existed. The showrunner of Spider-Man 1994 was an African American and he related to Peter Parker in the 1960s. Poc can relate to Spider-Man regardless of skin colour.

The original comic book version of Spider-Man isn’t the true one just because he is the original. Er….yeah. It seriously does precisely BECAUSE he is the version all the other ones are derivative of. Hence he’s from the PRIME universe. Shit the Spider-Verse comic book the movie takes mild inspiration from literally says that. Granted it then contradicts itself but the point still stands. Because he is the original one he IS the true one because without him the others would not exist. He is the canonical one!

The true 616 Spider-Man will never be in any adaptation because there is too much continuity…Yeah…so? How does that make him not  the original one in the broad context though when you compare every version?

Continuity is the killer of enjoyment when it comes to movies. No, this podcast is the killer of enjoyment. And btw, maybe ask all the people who went to see Infinity War earlier in the year ITSV was released and ask them if continuity ruined that movie for them. This is such a lazy, myopic attitude.

If continuity is used to exclude people it is bad. Good job nobody was ever saying ITSV shouldn’t exist because Miles isn’t Peter then

Infinity War is a fine movie even if you do not know who everybody is. No it isn’t. Infinity War is wholly inaccessible if you do not know who everyone is because it’s throwing dozens of characters at you with little-no context provided.

Black Panther is better than Infinity War, this proves continuity is bad. No. Black Panther not having to have it’s story wrapped up in everything else in the wider universe was what helped make it better. FFS, Winter Soldier is better than Avengers 2012 and that still relies upon plenty of continuity. Civil War is better than Thor the Dark World and the latter has way less continuity than the former. It’s not about having continuity it’s about how you use it. Black Panther was world building in it’s own corner. It wasn’t plugged in so directly to the wider universe the way Homecoming or FFH was. THAT’s what made it good but that’s not a continuity issue that’s a world building issue.

Continuity is toxic when you use it to claim a long running fantasy series didn’t satisfy you. Uh huh, hey do you wanna ask all the people who hated Game of Thrones’ final season that?

Oh, and one of the pundits, the one who bleeted on about Spidey as a ‘tEEnAgE WHITE mAle wish fUlLfiLmEnt fantasy!’ is a Hollywood actress. Now her views make waaaaaaaaaay too much sense

In conclusion…Sigh…For a podcast called School of Movies I think these guys need to go back to kindergarten.

[carl-grimxz]

Confused Feelings- Part 5

Carl Grimes x Reader

Part 5

Summary: Y/N simply wants things to go back to normal... how they used to be with Carl, but maybe that isn’t actually possible. There are a few members of the group that will Y/N to go with her heart, but it isn’t that easy, is it?

Word Count: 3,601

Warnings: None :)

A/N: I am loving writing this series. I will probably only do a couple more parts to this, but if anyone is interested I might do a couple requests? If that’s something you want anyway! Message me if so <3 Enjoy part 5!

I wake to the bright light of sunrise shining in through the small gap between the closed curtains. I squint as my eyes adjust to the brightness and lay there still, going over what happened last night for what felt like the billionth time. I let out a wide yawn and sigh while rubbing my eyes. I didn’t sleep too well. Well, I think I got a few hours but there was a lot of tossing and turning to begin with. I’m not too surprised though, all I could think about was Carl. 

I couldn’t sleep knowing how I just left him without an explanation. He didn’t deserve that, but the more I thought about it the more I realised how it couldn’t have gone any other way. I’m too scared to tell him how I really feel. I had to just leave. It doesn’t make me feel any less guilty though.

I pulled myself up to a sitting position reluctantly and stretched. I suppose I ought to get up and make my way downstairs, I mean I can’t stay in this room forever, although I’d kind of like to. I have to face them eventually, but the prospect makes me seriously anxious.

Now Y/N, just get up and go. 

I slept in what I wore yesterday and I have nothing else to change in to, but I move to stand in front of the full length mirror to try and neaten myself up as much as I can. Once my clothes and my hair are looking tidier, I open the door and step out of the room hesitantly. That’s the first step done. As I make my way towards the stairs, I start to hear talking from below. I guess they’re all awake too. 

I let out a large sigh, attempting to build some courage and make my way downstairs.

“Ah mornin Y/N, sleep well?” Maggie was the first to notice me come into the kitchen, where the majority of them were. Then the rest of them become aware of my presence and greet me as well.

“Morning! Yeah ok thanks, you?” I answered with a smile. I decided to lie about my awful nights sleep through fear of them asking why it was so bad.

“Yeah good.” She responded enthusiastically 

I scanned the room quickly and everyone but Carl and Rick were here. I was kind of relieved but I am wondering where they might be.

I stood at the doorway, uncomfortably and spotted Sasha, Michonne and Rosita talking on the other side of the room. I made eye contact with Sasha and she waved a hand at me, motioning me to come over. 

“Hey” I smiled again. I wondered if Sasha had told anyone about last night.

“Here have some trail mix”, Rosita handed me a bag full.

“Thanks” I nod my head at her

“So Y/N how are you this morning? You were upset last night. We all felt awful.” Michonne enquired. 

I didn’t know how to answer that. Do they all know about my conversation with Carl last night?

“Umm-”

“Yeah, you know after the walkers…” Sasha helped me out “You never came down again after” Right yeah. Of course… Michonne is talking about Carl nearly dying, not what happened after, which I’m now assuming she must not know about. Thank god. I knew Sasha wouldn’t have told anyone about what Carl said to me.

“Oh yeah well, you know… Carl’s my friend, I thought he got bit. I was worried.” I played it off like that was all it was. They probably don’t believe that, I don’t know why I bother.

“Of course…” Michonne gave me an empathetic smile but she had a suspicious look on her face. 

Rosita sensed the awkwardness in my face and tried to change the subject. “Hey so Rick said we’re good to stay here a while! Isn’t that great?” She seemed pleased.

“Oh wow, yeah…” As I speak I see Carl and Rick enter the kitchen. Carl sees me straight away but avoids any lasting eye contact. I knew I’d upset him. Damn it, I hate myself. I focus my attention back on the three women in front of me, who notice my hesitation and all flick their eyes towards Carl and then back to me, assuming I hadn’t noticed. “Yeah that is really great.” I smile, trying and probably failing to act unbothered.

-

It was now gone lunch time and I had spent the entire day with Maggie, strangely enough. It was really nice actually. She never tries to quiz me about my feelings or about Carl, mainly because I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know about any of it. She spends all of her time with Glenn that’s why, so I like to hang out with her because I don’t have to think about Carl at all, although I’ll admit he has been on my mind a little. I haven’t spoken to him whatsoever today. I’ve been avoiding him and I’m pretty sure he’s been avoiding me. I do want to talk to him though. It can’t go on like this. I’ll just tell him I want to be friends and I’m sure he’ll want the same thing. 

He’s been outside most of the day, securing the land with Rick and a couple others. I should go and find him.

After excusing myself from Maggie, I head out to the porch and try look for Carl from there. I wanted to see him before he sees me so that I can take a moment to gear myself up. God I’m pathetic. After only a couple seconds searching I see the familiar sheriffs hat. He was over at the fence with his dad. I noticed that he wore a thick denim jacket over his flannel. I’ve never seen it before, he must have found it here. 

It is actually pretty cold. I’m stood here in just a plain gray hoodie and black jeans wishing I had put a coat on. Oh well, if I go back in now, I might not come back out. Just get on with it Y/N.

I make my way over to them and hear them chatting with their backs to me. They haven’t noticed me yet. Here goes nothing.

“Hey um, Carl?” I smile, waiting for a response with my arms crossed attempting to keep warm.

His head whips around quickly, while Rick merely glances around, unfazed.

“Y/N what are you doin?, It’s freezing out here!” Rick sounds concerned, squinting his eyes at me.

“No it’s fine. I’m fine, uh Carl… can we talk for a minute?” 

Carl looks at his dad for permission I guess, or maybe an excuse not to talk to me.

“Go on, go inside and warm up, both of you” Rick nods at Carl and gives me a kind smile.

“Thanks” I return the smile to Rick.

“Maybe you can cheer him up, he’s barely said a word all day”.

I pursed my lips, bracing myself for the awkwardness to ensue and I hear Carl sigh quietly. We both make our way up to the house in silence. This is not going to be fun.

I know that there is a study/ office room on the ground floor, as I saw Daryl coming out of there earlier. I figure it’d be private enough to talk without being interrupted, so I lead Carl in there. He followed, silent still.

He shut the door behind us and eyed me curiously. He didn’t exactly look angry as such, he’s never really been angry at me… but he definitely seemed sort of annoyed. I don’t blame him. I’m annoyed at myself.

I fiddled with my fingers, trying to work out what to say but he spoke first.

“So what did you wanna talk about?” I expected animosity but he spoke softly with kindness in his voice.

“I’m sorry” I sighed “About last night… I’m really sorry Carl” I looked at him nervously.

“It’s fine, you don’t like me in that way. You shouldn’t be sorry” Carl responded quickly, without hesitation but with hints of frustration in his voice.

“No it’s not that, it’s just-“

“Then what? What is it?” Exasperation growing in his voice.

“Can’t we just be friends? It’s easier.”

“No…” I didn’t expect that. He sounded tired. “It’s not easier.”

“What do you mean? We used to be so good… best friends. It’s better that way” I was clinging desperately to this last strand of hope I had that we could go back to the way we used to be.

“Better for who?!” His voice broke slightly as he whisper-shouted. I was taken aback by this. He’s never been this upset with me before. “-Not for me.” He calmed his voice, but he still came off as hurt.

“What?” I need him to explain.

“I’m tired of ignoring how I feel Y/N. I really like you.” I was shocked at how much emotion was in his voice.  “I don’t want to be your friend. I want us to be together”

I stared at him, no idea what to say.

“When you thought I was bit last night… your reaction… that is how you feel” He stepped closer to me. “You care about me, a lot. I know it… I feel it, and I care about you too. So why can’t we be together?”

My breath was shaky.

“I can’t… It’s too dangerous. Loving someone in this world… when they can be taken from you at any time. I can’t do that”.

I think he understood, I could see in his face that he did. Carl stepped back away slightly. He didn’t agree.

“Yeah well I don’t know if I can be your friend.”

I’ve never seen him look like this. It was like he was empty.

Once again I found myself lost for words, but it didn’t matter. Before I could say anything at all he had turned and left the room, closing the door behind him and leaving me alone. A part of me considered going after him, but then I still had no idea what I would even say. We would just keep going round in circles. 

I try not to think about the old world too much, how life used to be. It would just be too painful to torture myself over ice cream trucks, going to the movies and even just the simple things like running water and electricity. In this moment though, as I stand here I can’t help but long for what this planet used to be. In an ideal world, we wouldn’t be constantly running from walkers. I’d like Carl and he’d like me and we could live a nice, normal life together and everything would be just fine. We’d go on dates and he’d ask me to the prom and we could be happy. That would be my ideal life…. But it’s not like that. I’m stood here not knowing what to do next.

It’s all getting too much right now. I can’t stay in this room. I feel the inevitable happening, and tears are slowly beginning to flow down my face. Only a couple, but I fear it won’t be long before I’m sobbing uncontrollably again. I decide to escape as fast as I can upstairs to the bedroom that I’ve now claimed as my own, without anyone noticing me. Then I can be on my own.

As soon as the plan is formed in my head I quickly make my way out of the room. Nobody can see me from here. On the move again, I sneak through the living area and see the stairs right ahead.

“Y/N?”

Damnit. I look as Sasha, Michonne and Maggie are all sat talking, heads turned looking at me.

I freeze in my tracks and notice that they’re all silent now and have looks of concern on their faces.

“What’s wrong?-” Maggie sounds alarmed. I don’t think she’s ever actually seen me like this before. I usually try to hide any signs of sadness.

“-Have you been crying?” Sasha cut in, trying to keep her voice low so not to attract anyone else’s attention.

I couldn’t keep it in anymore. As soon as they question me I well and truly burst into tears, covering my face with my hands in embarrassment, while trying to stop any noice from coming out as well. I don’t need the whole group knowing I’m upset, especially Carl wherever he is.

As soon as they realise that I’m crying, all three of them jump up and circle around trying to comfort me.

“Come on” Michonne speaks with a caring tone and gentle hand rested on my shoulder. I lower my hands, sure that my face is both red and blotchy, and they lead me upstairs into what must have been the bedroom that Michonne had shared with Rick. I only assume this because I immediately notice his revolver on the dresser.

When all four of us were in and the door was shut, Sasha put both hands on my shoulder and lead me to take a seat on the bed. I had managed to calm myself a little on the walk upstairs, so I can speak at least.

“Y/N tell us what’s wrong” she said with a kind voice. 

The other two watched me with sympathy and I just looked up at Sasha as if to telepathically communicate to her what this is about and that I didn’t want to say it out loud. She probably worked out what the problem was as soon as she saw my face.

All three of them gave each other a look with raised eyebrows and immediately came to sit with me on the bed. Maggie put her arm around me and I automatically moved to rest my head on her shoulder.

After a second of silence, Sasha spoke up. “We saw Carl leave the room you were both in… What happened?”

I just looked at her blankly for a moment, deciding what to say.

Then Michonne inhaled deeply. “We really care about you Y/N. We just want you to be happy, and you’re not are you? Neither is Carl”

Something told me they knew more than they let on. I wipe a tear off of my cheek turning my face to the side, away from them.

“He likes you a lot. He told me this morning” My heads shoots towards her quickly. That’s news to me. I wait for her to elaborate. “I asked him why he looked so miserable and he told me. He said that he admitted having feelings for you last night but you sort of turned him down”.

I sighed. This hurts so much.

“You like him don’t you?” Sasha asked.

“Yeah” I whispered, almost getting choked up again. I didn’t have any fight left in me to deny it any more.

Another pause, while they decide what to say next.

“You can talk to us Y/N…” Maggie adds.

“Why won’t you allow yourself to have feelings for him?” Michonne asks me. 

The million dollar question. 

Ok… here we go.

“We’ve come across a lot of people since the end of the world. People who have been in love. The majority of those couples were shattered. Torn apart one way or another. There has been so much pain. I saw them pouring all of their love into that one person and then what happens next is they grieve. The look in someone’s eyes as they watch the love of their life, the person they’d do anything for, get torn to shreds by walkers or shot or whatever… Killed right in front of them. That’s their heart broken for eternity. A pain unimaginable, incomparable. I never want that. I couldn’t survive it. To love and to lose. It isn’t worth it. Death is inevitable. If I don’t let myself love then it won’t be a problem for me.” They were silent as I finally gave them the answer they’ve been waiting for.

I hastily brush away some more tears as I leave my head and come back to the room.

“Y/N… You can’t live like that” Sasha sounds shocked to hear these words escape my mouth.

“Yeah that’s… I don’t even know how else to say it that’s sad Y/N. Nobody should think that way. Life wouldn’t be worth living.” Michonne exclaimed.

I stand up, frustrated, “I’m trying to save myself heartache. It’s unavoidable.” My voice becomes slightly stronger as I grow fed up.

“It doesn’t happy to everyone” Maggie speaks up “Look at me and Glenn… Michonne and Rick!”

“The lucky few. I’m sorry but I don’t like those odds.”

“You’re looking at this all wrong!” Michonne raises her voice at me. “Look… There’s a lot in this life that is scary, but if we let fear get in the way of everything we do then we might as well just end it all now. We shouldn’t just be surviving, living is important too!”

I didn’t quite know what to say. I’m just not sure.

“We can’t make you agree with what we’re saying, but I am gonna tell you one thing…” I don’t know what else there is to say. “That reaction you had when you thought Carl was gone…” Sashas voice was firm now, and her eyes were wide. “That was grief. That was the exact thing you’re so afraid of feeling!”

“Yeah, it sucked Sasha. I never want that-“

“No you’re missing my point. You were so heartbroken when you thought he was dead because you’re already in love with him!” She was getting louder, intent on finally making me see what she saw.

“…” I had no words. I don’t get it and I’m starting to feel like I’m being attacked in all honesty.

“Yeah exactly! You already love him Y/N-“ Michonne piped up.

“Ok fine, you got me! I love him! It doesn’t make any difference.” My feelings for Carl may be stronger than I thought but that doesn’t change anything.

“Of course it does! Why can’t you just tell him how you feel?!”

“Because I’m scared!!” I was on the verge of screaming at them now, crying as I did so. “I’m so terrified of losing him. If I give in and we… we become a couple then… I just know that we’ll be happy and then out of nowhere something will happen and one of us will be gone! It fills me with fear to think of that happening, don’t you get it?” I’m sure my face was red with anger.

“There you go… you said it yourself” Maggie tried to diffuse the situation by talking calmly.

“What?” I was clueless, whereas they all looked at my like I’m an idiot.

Taking note from Maggie, Michonne calmed her voice too. “If Carl died tomorrow you’d be devastated wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah of course but-“

“It doesn’t matter that you’re not together now, if you lost him you’d grieve just the same as I would if I lost Rick. It’s too late, you love him too much. Stopping yourself from being with him isn’t preventing your heart from being broken! All you’re doing is wasting time… Time that could be spent telling him you love him”.

Oh. 

Only now, now that it’s all been said out loud am I realising that maybe they could be right. There was truth behind everything they had just told me. 

Am I wasting time? Is it too late to prevent my heart from breaking if I lost him?

My eyebrows furrowed together in thought.

Sasha broke the silence. “Y/N go to him and tell him how you feel. I promise you’ll realise this when you do.” Clearly they had noticed my indecision.

“I… I wouldn’t even know what to say” I spoke hesitantly, distracted as I tried to wrap my head around what all of this meant.

I glanced out the window in thought. I was about to tell them how I could never do this, but I saw something outside. Someone. There he was. Stood on his own, looking off into the distance, was Carl.

Right in that moment something changed. I’m beginning to see a future. Me and him. Together.

“You want to be with him.” Michonne seemed to read my mind, smiling for the first time since we even entered the room.

“I do” 

This is the most clearly I’ve seen things in a long time. All of a sudden it all made sense.

“Then go! Go to him and as soon as you see him you’ll know what to say.”

“Thank you” I hugged all three of them in one embrace.

“Don’t thank us!” Maggie laughed.

“Just go!” Sasha gave me the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on her face and winked.

With that I was gone, running out the door and down the hallway, swinging round the bannister and leaping down the stairs three at a time. All of a sudden I just had to be with him.

“Woah where’s the fire?!” Glenn shouted as I ran past the rest of the group and out the front door.

I slowed down at this point, wanting to gather myself a little. Stood on the porch, I watched him, in the very same spot he was just now when I saw him through the window upstairs. Standing with his back to me, hands in his jacket pockets, sheriff hat on his head.

Carl Grimes.

How could I have been so stupid?

[shiro-0197]

Oh I see 😭😭 but that's so cool, you'll be a graduate by then!! Do you have a graduation party, or something like that? For when you graduate? Yes istg they have no chill whatsoever 😬 but I can't wait to go back and see my friends :) just the exam part that bothers me ugh.

you're right! And honestly, as long as you're enjoying yourself, it's worth every second. I wish you all the best, love.

you're right tho hhhh everyone is different 😣😣 what works for one may not work for another, but I think if you're earnest about it, no one is going to think you're a bad teacher. That'd be great. Tips on how to deal with people, and teach, right? If only there were classes on that xD

you're cuter than koalas tho💖💖💖🐨 and oh yes. I've taken to finding it on Twitter but it hasn't popped up. I hope it does.

Headbutt? He's so flustered ekdhwkkssk 😭😭😭💖 cute.

Omigosh yesss that's another thing you like. I can't believe I didn't write that alongside cheese haha >.< but ugh instant ramen is just wonderful. It's so spicy, but so wonderful!!

awww understandable. I low-key feel like skipping school on the days when I don't eat. But gotta go nonetheless. Or Angel might kill me. 😭😭 If I don't come without telling her, she calls me at 6.50 in the morning to find out why. Gotta love friends like that skhdksks 😭😭 but yeah!! I googled it yesterday and that came up somewhere on Google? Wait a sec, let me copy paste it: It consists of meat, rice, and fried vegetables placed in a pot which is flipped upside down when served, hence the name maqluba, which translates literally as "upside-down."

yasss nice :D pls do!! And oh skjdskjsk 😭😭 I wish we had some in common but I'm literally in none of those fandoms grrrr I've always been so bad at video games +_+ my old fandoms were mostly books (like the whole Percy Jackson series, and everything the author had written), Harry Potter, the mortal instruments, etc. Hamilton (the musical), and of course, Voltron, She-Ra, and Avatar (the last airbender. Not the blue people xD). I wish you luck if you do plan on catching up with them!! That's what I'm doing now, so I'm taking a break from anime >.< And don't worry! I'm sure you'll be able to relive your childhood and buy those video games soon. It might be fun to play them, when you couldn't as a kid.

Aww that sounds lovely I hope you had fun!! What'd you have??

yes it was well deserved. I didn't get much done today but I'm well rested for tomorrow. (Finished the latest season of money heist too. It's so good ughhhh) have you been sleeping okay tho?

The meeting went okay. I met with the other tutors and we decided on dates and times for us to hold our sessions. Mine's on the 14th, in the afternoon, after lunch, and I'll have 1 and a half hours to teach however I wish. I'm racking my brains for a lesson plan now, because I've never tutored people my age xD so I hope it'll be alright. that sounds so cool! Anything with anonymity in it is fun, in my opinion. I hope your classmates come up with some real cool stuff :D

and ah, Cookie you have my heart 😭I love you too.

— 😺💖

Yeah we do!! Though this year will probably be a class only party, if we even get to have a party XD yeah, my friends are really the best thing to get out of school. I wouldnt have any otherwise😭

Yeah!!! I'd really just rather die if I went to work as a cashier, or a waiter... not because the jobs are bad but because I have to speak? Say something? AND memorize the prices ????? No thanks. I'd get fired after the first hour😭 hmm, what about you?? What's your hell-no job?

Yeah!!! Literally the most important thing. To be honest, when I explain something, I sound like Hinata. "You know, it goes like this and that, and them whewww and woah and yeahhh you know?"

Yeah, it hurt like a bitch but seeing his red-ass face was the best reward I've ever gotten XD he stuttered!!!! Once, but he did, and that's worth more than a thousand compliments I think

Heheheh, how could you not remember?💔 Slkwkfkskx just kidding xD I can also add something else, for example soup dumplings. I love them so much you know?? Very much

It's nice to have friends like that ngl😭😭 sadly I'm that friend xD others are soooo irresponsible its embarrassing

Ohhh I see!! Makes sense, haha~ thanks!! I really need to start doing proper research.

That's so cool, to be honest. I've never been much of a bookworm... probably because we never could afford books so I was never really interested... so embarrassing😭💔 I actually really want to catch up on all those because I've seen them everywhere, so yeah, hopefully, I will😩

I did!!! I had a cheese sandwich (not surprising), and a strawberry milkshake. It was nice^^

Yeah, I've been sleeping alright! A little more than usual, which made me kinda more dehydrated, so I gotta drink more water~

Ohhh, good luck!! That's so cool tbh, I hope it goes well!! I'm sure itll go well, you can do it<33 I hope so as well, no one has done anything yet so yeah xDDD

I hope your day is going great!!! I really love youu🤍🤍🤍

Edit: I forgot about this wjjdkwkdk

I did it😼

THIS IS THE WORST THING IVE EVER CREATED THIS IS SO CRINGEY AJDJJWJRJ!!!!

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

Rank Murven from favorite to least favorite. S4. S5. S6

Hi! Hope you’re doing well out in the world, Murven friend! I’m having a tougher day today so I decided to answer this to make me feel better - thanks for asking! This was actually pretty tough to rank, and I admit I have wavered. But I think I finally feel steady in my answers so here we go.

Third Place - s6. Admittedly there was very little Murven content in s6 so this affected my ranking. But, what we did get was quite good, and there is a scene in s6 that absolutely is in my top 3 Murven scenes ever (this varies at times). The little wave and smile that Murphy gives Raven & her answering playful insult rates HIGH on my list, always. I have said it before but damn this says so much! That they’re both miserable and hurting (he died and thinks he’s going to hell - she’s lost yet another romantic interest and is grieving that and Monty & Harper) - and yet - and YET. They reunite and make the effort for each other like they do for no one else. They both put aside their own pain to try and make the other smile. Yeah that’s some good food right there. The two of them having a deep discussion like no one else is in the room? Yum. Raven being angry at the world but gentle with Murphy even when he messes up because she gets him and knows what he needs in that moment is understanding & not a lecture? Delicious. Murphy telling Gaia not to worry about Madi because “Raven’s on the case” because of the faith he has in her? Yes, more of that please. Raven backing Murphy up immediately when he comes up with a desperate plan to save them all from being burned at the stake? We all know she trusts his instincts. She’s the intellect, he’s the instinct. That’s just how it is. But s6 lost points for having them separated for far too long. Even though Raven’s smile at the end of it all made up for a LOT in my book. Whoops, yes, my love for Raven Reyes is showing again!

Second Place - s5. Again, part of my process was the lack of Murven content at the back end as well as what I viewed as OOC actions. But the beginning? Ah well, the beginning was FABULOUS! It feels almost impossible to pick a favorite scene from s5 because every interaction is just so damn good! The tension, the UST, the intense eye-you-know-what-ing... god, it was all just like me watching every early episode on the edge of my seat. Murphy seeing how hard Raven worked to save everyone in s4 even with the strokes and seizures and then 6 years on the Ring watching her stress out and feel like a failure because she couldn’t get them home? And then deciding to stay with her because she shouldn’t be the only one to sacrifice? Even in the face of his own death? And he’s not even freaked out or all that upset about it?? I MEAN!!!! Listen I will never get over him saying to her “It’s not a bad view” - because like a post I’ve made before, he saw that view every day for 6 years. And we’re told how unhappy & useless he felt in space. We’re shown how desperate he is to get OUT of space. And yet he stays for her. Because there’s NO OTHER REASON. It’s for Raven. When he says that line - he’s not even being sarcastic. And then when she tells him there’s no escape pod, his reaction is very mild for a Murphy reaction, seriously. It’s like he’s barely even angry, just accepting. The soccer? The knowing her work face? His INSTANT DESIRE TO APOLOGIZE TO HER when he hurts her feelings? He does not do this with other people, just Raven. Risking himself & Em0ri to go save her? There is so so so so so SOOOOOO much in s5 to be thrilled with, truly. Points lost though, for OOC actions mid & late season, and of course big mega points lost for the other couple who broke up for good reason, never apologized to each other for it, never discussed it and then got back together to fulfill a trope. Also Raven & Shaw never made sense to me whatsoever. I don’t get these swaths of fandom who loved them after Shaw tortured her like a week ago but who maintain Murven can never be together because he shot her like 7 years ago and she’s long since forgiven him. I could have lived with the ending of s5 as a series end because you better believe I would have made up a happily ever after story for them both after going into cryo.

First Place - s4. So this is very subjective. Both s4 and s5 rate super highly for me and this is where I wavered the most. But ultimately I think s4 is my favorite & probably always will be. Until the beginning of s5, I was not in fandom even though I was watching live. I fell for Murphy & Raven in 1x10 because of that look he gave her while she was sleeping in the Dropship, and even though I did genuinely feel like he was much more interesting than Finn and that the two of them would be fascinating to play off each other, I never, NEVER thought it was anything more than a crack ship. But then s4 came along and OH. MY. GAWD. After suffering through the s3 drought of no Murven scenes whatsover and both of them being physically & emotionally tortured, to have the Murven content in s4 was like a fantasy of mine come true! I was watching their interactions like IS EVERYONE ELSE SEEING THIS?! I was wishing so hard that I had friends who watched too so that we could talk about it but I did not. And EVERYTHING about s4 and the two of them is what led me to join tumblr and fandom and pushed me into writing fanfiction about them. The fight that they had in Becca’s Lab was painful but absolutely necessary for their arc and Raven’s face after is so so miserable. Just thinking about that scene... ah, it’s SO GOOD even though I hate it when they argue. We get Luna thrown into their intense little agenda and I think she gets BOTH of them so well, and IMHO for Murphy to come and try again with Raven AFTER that massive blowup? Well. It’s not just progress for his character, okay? It’s a massive hint on how he feels about her that he’s willing to do it. And sure, some people can chalk that up to only him having guilt about shooting her, and that’s fine. I think there’s going to be part of that always in Murphy’s head because even though Raven forgives him, he does not forgive himself. But we get him making the effort towards her, and her making the effort towards him, and so so so much more in s4. Really it’s just the best.

And to top it off? That it ends for them like THIS? No matter what happens in s7, in my head I’m probably always going to think of this as their ending.

[katsuragitakumi]

Thoughts on New World Grease (1/2)

This is the last festival!

 Well, the last V-Cinema is here! And it’s become the top-grossing KR V-Cinema so far, so maybe it’d be a bit of an understatement to say it was well-received in the Japanese fandom. 

After Cross-Z got mixed reviews, there were fans concerned about the Grease V-Cinema: would Kazumin get a new love interest? (Keep in mind that Kazumin/Misora as a ship has a bigger following there than in the Western fandom) Would Sento play a very passive part and be depressed at home? Would the crows get the screen time they deserve?? Would Grease Blizzard be back?

Toei seems to have paid attention to what fans wanted, and I think this movie feels much more Build-like to me than Cross-Z or even Be The One ever did. Kazumin/Misora is a thing -more about that in the next post-, Sento is in a good mood, gets to transform and does stuff other than mope around, the Crows are adorable as usual and Grease Blizzard gets to shine.

Anyway, I’ve enjoyed the movie for the most part. The action, the comedy, the characters… everything was very good! It’s definitely one of my favorite KR V-Cinemas so far. Is it perfect? No. While I don’t think it has as many issues as Cross-Z -which was enjoyable nonetheless-, there are a couple of things that have bothered me. And let’s say one of them was especially bad. But still, I had a blast watching this movie, and I think it understood what made Build so special to many of us. I saw someone say that while Cross-Z showed the bad side of Build, Grease showed its good side. While I don’t necessarily agree (I don’t think Cross-Z was garbage, and some things Grease does are questionable at best), I do believe Grease was an honest attempt to please the fanbase. As someone else put it, “it’s a love song for Build and its fans”. That’s more like it, yes.

What I did like:

The characters got to do stuff! I’m especially happy for Sento and Sawa, whose roles in Cross-Z were… disappointing, to say the least. Here we’ve got Sento at his best, living a happy life, transforming and trolling his good ol’ pal Kazumin. Sawa gets to rescue Gentoku, repeat her shady line (“it’s better if you don’t know about it”) and this time around, fortunately, she wasn’t knocked out for any reason.

Shinobu acknowledges Sento as his other son!!! I wish there was at least a lil mention to Mrs. Katsuragi, but I’m happy with what we’ve got. Now I can easily imagine her, Shinobu, Katsuragi and Sento enjoying their sweet eggrolls together.

That conversation between Katsuragi and Banjou! When I read the spoilers in late August, I think this was one of the scenes I wanted the watch the most. “It’s not a weapon if a hero uses it. It’s hope”, says Katsuragi. Banjou and Sawa smile at him, and he smiles back. He finally acknowledges Banjou and everyone else as true heroes who fight for love and peace :’)

Massugu (the kid from the Grease HBV who made a brief cameo in the series) is back! I love how in the show he said something like “we were saved by a purple Kamen R*der!” and now he just says “a green monster has appeared!”.

While I’m sad that Gentoku and Kazumin hardly interacted at all (they were treated as a duo in the show, in Be The One, in Cross-Z and in Heigen Forever), I loved it when Kazumin called him and understood that Gentoku had been kidnapped because he called him “Grease” instead of “potato” lol

THE JOKES. The comedy was great in this movie, but I especially appreciated something that’s extremely mutocore: the jokes that turn out to be plot relevant. In this case, Kazumin is so heartbroken when Misora rejects him that he and his friends go on a trip to a deserted island (their preferred means of transportation: a raft), and they can transform because… they bathed themselves in a very special onsen! It’s so stupid. I love it. Now, that’s the kind of silly stuff I actually like, not Cross-Z’s strange “Banjou’s gonna explode” thing. In a way, Misora saved the world by rejecting Kazumin. A legend.

There were many gags I loved and I can’t choose a single one. I think I’m going to have lots of fun giffing this movie, although some of those scenes aren’t very gif-friendly (like when the crows are cheering on Kazumin, and Aoba goes “YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”). Sento trolling Kazumin (“misoramisoramisoramisoramisora”) was great, or Sento forgetting about Utsumi, who was inside a capsule, or the shabby map Sento drew for Kazumin… God, Sento was the MVP.

Misora calling the crows “the three idiots” ALL THE TIME. I loved her interactions with them. When Aoba is trying to protect her, when she refuses to let go of Akaba’s hand… And I’m glad Isurugi was mentioned (she was buying a present for him), although it makes me sad that we didn’t get to see Misora and her dad in the New World after the finale. I bet Isurugi and the crows would have been a very fun combo.

Also, I’m glad Kiba’s acute sense of smell wasn’t forgotten, or Aoba’s reaction when he saw Metal Build :’) Or Kiba’s and Aoba’s roasting Kazumin, as usual (“he’s so bad at lying!” and “he can’t do anything without us…”). Akaba was a sweetie. I love every single one of them.

Utsumi’s “EVERYTHING FOR NANBA INDUSTR… no… FOR PEOPLE!”. That’s my boy right there!!!!!!!!  

THE ACTION SCENES! Now, I’ve always had a soft spot for Grease as a rider because I love his fighting style, and he got to shine as much as he deserved in this movie. Dunno how to feel about the DBZ fight at the end (when he and the Bad Guy were flying around), but his scenes as Grease Blizzard -my true love- were amazing. Perfect Kingdom was cool though, and that scene where all the riders transform together was very sweet.

Kazumin was VERY cool. While I’m :/ about some stuff he did (more about that in the next post), he does know how to deliver cool lines. “You’ve always been alone, haven’t you?” or “I’ve got something I want to protect. You don’t. That’s it”. YOOOOOOOO. Or his speech about what a Kam*n R*der is. He and the crows were very, very fun.

SENTO AND BANJOU WERE SO FUN TOO! Loved the scene where Sento says he’s glad the Katsuragis made up, and Banjou gets all “:’)” while looking at his smile.

I’m surprised (except not really) that in a movie where TWO new het ships become canon, there’s no mention whatsoever of Yui, Banjou’s love interest in Cross-Z. Now, Build has been consistent about bringing up randos now and then (here we’ve got Massugu, for instance, but in the show nearly every rando has been mentioned again at some point), so I think it’s worth pointing out the so-called “Cross-Z erasure”. Especially in this context. Which leads me to…

What’s with the Kazumin+Misora and Sento+Banjou similarities in this movie? lol Maybe I should write a separate post to not make this post even longer.

“You know, he’s a dumb and lame idol otaku, but he’ll fight to create a future for his friends, for everyone. Because he’s a hero”. Awww, Misora (see the point above). Felt bad when she started crying as soon as she spotted Grease Blizzard. She’s precious…

I laughed when the Bad Guy killed The Other Bad Guy. This movie wasn’t very violent compared to other V-Cinemas, let alone ROGUE. And although we see how the Bad Guy gets tortured, it’s much more tame than Yui getting burned alive in Cross-Z. And I’m glad we didn’t get a gratuitously violent scene where the bad guy tortures Misora.

I actually appreciate the Bad Guy, whose name as you can see I don’t even remember. Is he great? Nah. But what I want in these movies is to see the characters I already know doing stuff, not for some rando to steal the spotlight. Bonus points because he wasn’t an alien. He did work with Shinobu, but he doesn’t retcon the plot like the guys from Be the One did, and they don’t bring back Evolt like Cross-Z did. He was just there doing his stuff and I respect him for that.

I’m probably missing some more stuff, but yeah this movie was very, very enjoyable to me. I’ll talk about the stuff I did NOT like in the next post!

(Second part)

[noona-clock]

Return ❣️ Hug Me

An iKON songfic series by Admin B! Enjoy!

Genre: High School!AU

Pairing: Chanwoo x You

By Admin B

Love Scenario ❣️Beautiful ❣️One and Only ❣️Jerk ❣️Best Friend ❣️Everything ❣️Hug Me ❣️Don’t Forget ❣️Sinosijak ❣️Love Me ❣️Just Go ❣️Long Time No See ❣️Rubber Band ❣️

Just one time For 10 seconds Let me hug you

“Aww, Chanwoo,” she chuckled, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “That’s so sweet. But... I think you should go with someone your own age.”

Chanwoo tried to smile because he’d known she wouldn’t accept. But he’d had to give it a shot anyway.

“Yeah... I just...” he shrugged, letting out a slightly awkward chuckle.

“I’m sorry,” she told him, reaching over and pulling him in for a consolatory hug.

Chanwoo didn’t hesitate in hugging her back, closing his eyes briefly and trying to etch this moment into his memory. He wanted to remember for the rest of his life how it felt to hug her.

Just listen first, I don’t wanna hear anything from you I know we’re friends and you’re his girlfriend Tomorrow and the day after that, I know we’ll be friends You’re his girl but I love, no, I like you a lot

He’d had a crush on her since he’d first laid eyes on her. But there was one fairly large problem.

She was his older brother’s girlfriend.

Which made things a lot more complicated.

First of all, she was his older brother’s girlfriend. She was taken. By his brother. But also she was around all the time. Both her and Chanwoo’s brother attended a nearby community college, so both of them lived at home.

But, being the fact they were both 20 years old (a.k.a young and in love), she spent more time at the Jung house than she did at her own house.

Wherever Chanwoo’s brother went, she went, too. Family dinners, neighborhood block parties, even Chanwoo’s baseball games. And she was so friendly, too, which made it that much worse. She wasn’t like his brother’s other girlfriends who pretended like he didn’t even exist. She actually talked to him and included him in things.

So even if he wanted to get over her, he couldn’t. She was everywhere, and she was just too damn nice.

He almost wished she was like the others, ignoring him completely and acting as if he weren’t there.

It would be a lot easier that way.

I became like the people I hated the most My head says no but I want you As time goes by, these feelings get stronger I try to hide it but I keep moving to my instincts

It had started out as a simple crush, but as time went on, Chanwoo could tell his feelings for her were growing deeper. As much as he told himself it was the worst idea ever, falling in love with his brother’s girlfriend... he just couldn’t deny it.

He thought about her all the time. His heart soared when he heard her voice. He ached to touch her, speak to her, be around her.

And the only other person who knew about it was you.

You, who’d been Chanwoo’s neighbor for years, knew about his unrequited love, and you kept his secret.

But you also kept your own secret.

Because while Chanwoo was head over heels for her, you were head over heels for Chanwoo.

The classic Love Triangle. Except the person Chanwoo had feelings for didn’t have feelings for you. She had feelings for his brother. And his brother had feelings for her right back. So it wasn’t exactly a triangle, more like... just a bunch of lines.

But you understand what I mean.

My heart won’t listen to me I didn’t know it was this bad But I still feel so strongly, I’m a bit impatient Who knows? I’ll keep the door open

Chanwoo knew he had to do something, even though it was one hundred percent a very, very stupid idea which made no sense whatsoever.

But... he was going to do it anyway. His teenage heart wouldn’t allow him to just sit back and do nothing any longer.

So he approached her one day after school. He caught her just as she arrived at his house while his brother was still inside playing video games.

You were on standby, having been told this plan at school earlier. You’d agreed to watch out your side window and make sure his brother stayed inside.

Really, you knew you weren’t actually doing anything, but you’d wanted to watch and see what happened. For your own greed. Because you knew she would reject Chanwoo, and you wanted to be there to pick up the pieces.

As a friend, of course.

Chanwoo softly closed the front door behind him, meeting her halfway down the walkway and smiling a bit anxiously.

“Hey, Chanwoo,” she greeted cheerfully. “What’s up?”

“Not much, I just... Can I talk to you?”

“Sure, what’s going on?” she asked, moving to sit on one of the front porch steps. “Girl troubles?”

“Well... I mean, kind of,” he chuckled as he sat down next to her. “It’s... about... prom.”

“Oh, boy. Prom. You need help thinking of a way to ask someone?”

“Not really... I just... Listen, I -- I know this is crazy, but I was just wondering... I mean, I know you’re my brother’s girlfriend, and you’re not in high school anymore, but I thought I would give it a shot, anyway... and see... if... maybe you would go with me?”

“To prom?”

Chanwoo nodded.

“You want me to go with you to prom?”

Chanwoo nodded again.

“Aww, Chanwoo,” she chuckled, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “That’s so sweet. But... I think you should go with someone your own age.”

Chanwoo tried to smile because he’d known she wouldn’t accept. But he’d had to give it a shot anyway.

“Yeah... I just...” he shrugged, letting out a slightly awkward chuckle.

“I’m sorry,” she told him, reaching over and pulling him in for a consolatory hug.

Chanwoo didn’t hesitate in hugging her back, closing his eyes briefly and trying to etch this moment into his memory. He wanted to remember for the rest of his life how it felt to hug her.

We’ve already come so far I just quietly waited Every night, pacing back and forth through the memories Trying to throw away these feelings

You knew as soon as she ruffled his hair she’d rejected him. But, honestly, if she’d accepted you would have been thrown for the biggest loop in the history of the universe.

So when she stood from the steps and headed inside the house, you made your move.

You darted outside, speed walking through your lawn over to Chanwoo’s front porch.

“Hey,” you breathed, trying to sound sympathetic. You knew his heart was broken, and while you hoped this would help him finally get over her, you wanted to properly console him. “How’d it go?”

“She said ‘no,’ of course,” Chanwoo told you with an emotionless chuckle. “I knew she would. I just...”

“Had to try.” You sat down next to him, filling the space she’d just left. “Yeah, I get it.”

“So, yeah...” He shrugged and let out a deep sigh, gazing out into the front yard thoughtfully.

“So... let’s just go together.”

“What, you and me?”

You hid a blush, shrugging bashfully and hoping he wouldn’t hear how nervous you were. “Why not? I don’t have a date, you don’t have a date... It’s our Senior Year. We shouldn’t miss prom just because we can’t go with who we really want to.” He didn’t need to know the person you really wanted to go with was actually him.

Chanwoo was silent for a moment... but then he nodded.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“We’ll at least have a good time,” you pointed out.

A soft smile pulled at Chanwoo’s lips and he turned to look at you. “As long as you don’t break out The Sprinkler.”

“What?!” you cried, laughing. “The Sprinkler is a classic! Everyone loves it!”

“It’s embarrassing!”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” you murmured, nudging his shoulder.

After a minute or two of comfortable silence, Chanwoo moved his arm and placed it around your shoulders. “Have I ever told you what a good friend you are?”

“Hmm? Oh... um... I guess?”

“Well... you are.” He pulled you in for a full-on hug, and you pressed your lips together to keep from sighing lovingly. Chanwoo’s hugs were the warmest and the softest and you really hoped Prom would change everything because, man, you were so in love with him, and if only he could see how perfect the two of you would be together...

This is how your embrace feels, it’s very warm Maybe it’s because I love you But you’re so beautiful, you, who I can’t have

Tagging @cramelot , @zhangjingyou , @daelicious-jongbulge , @constellxtion ,  @xiusmybeautifulnightmare , @brie02 , @haveanotherkpopblog , @skatertuan , @peach-sm , @lovebuginlove to let them know this has been posted! Readers, if you would like to know when the series is updated, let me know, and I’ll add you to the list!

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Buffy Season 7 Thoughts

Current Emotional State:

So yeah. That is it. After starting in March 2017 (thanks to the 20th anniversary), I officially finished the series Jan 1st 2018.

And hooboy. Straight out the gate, I’d say it its now in my top three shows of all time (i.e. Doctor Who, Stargate, and BtVS). That’s right. It beat out ATLA. (Sorry ATLA but you never ripped my heart out like the others.)

IDK, a part of me is still kind of like “why did it take me this long to watch this show” and another part is glad, because I watched DW, SG1, and ATLA all around the same year or two of my life, and to get completely walloped by something a decade later... well it’s wonderful. Completely and truly wonderful.

BtVS & AtS Recap Master Post located here

So, starting with predictions that I made during my S6 recap...

On predictions that I made during my S6 recap:

- Spike comes back to Sunnydale and becomes tentative friendship bros with Buffy with continual underlying UST that’s never resolved again because of the attempted rape and also because none of my ships can ever be happy It was resolved. It was fucking resolved. I don’t care that they never kissed on screen and Spike didn’t believe Buffy when she said she loved him (still crying forever, Spike you idiot), there was a confession. And even before that, Buffy telling Spike that she believed in him, and that she wasn’t ready for him to leave, and sleeping beside him for those final nights. THAT WAS MORE THAN I’D EVER BEEN EXPECTING. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL (NO CHECK AND I’M HAPPY FOR IT)

- Dawn and Spike eventually work through his attempted rape and become bros again Yeah, their relationship went up in flames (NO CHECK)

- Dawn takes a level in badassery, will fight things Aside from the first episode or two when Buffy’s giving her training, Dawn pretty much got shafted when the potentials arrived (NO CHECK)

- Buffy’s perma-death/rebirth will be addressed re: slayer chain of dead slayers leading to new slayer (CHECK... SORT OF?)

- Anya stays a vengeance demon because fuck Xander (NO CHECK)

- Willow finds a happy place between using no magic whatsoever and trying to fry the earth (CHECK)

- Giles hangs out in Sunnydale again because Giles (CHECK)

- Anya stays in command of the magic shop because it’s her magic shop… even though Willow kind of destroyed it She stayed in command but the other characters stopped visiting, so... (CHECK?)

- Clem continues to have cameos because he’s Clem and he’s awesome (HELLA CHECK)

On Spuffy:

I’ve written enough about these two in my earlier posts. I might make a completely separate post where I talk gush about their development over the course of the series but yeah. In this post, all I’ll say is that I thought Seeing Red would be the official end to their relationship. I thought even with the soul, their connection would be like a giant white elephant that’d never be directly addressed again... and then I got S7, aka the giant, canon, hurt/comfort fic.

Also, I didn’t cry during Chosen, but “No, you don’t. But thanks for saying” kept playing through my head over and over and over again, gutting my heart into numbness, and then sometime during the next day, it morphed into “Quite right, too” and I was so confused, thinking where did that dialogue come from, and then I remembered:

And it’s ridiculously bizarre, since Doctor Who’s Doomsday has been a traumatic thing that’s been a scar on my heart for the last decade, so I naturally think of it as the older, original traumatic “I love you” DENIED scene, but then I look at when Chosen actually aired and Chosen came out first? So if anything Doctor Who cribbed off Buffy? (And both cribbed off Star Wars and “I know” but that one doesn’t count because there wasn’t actually a failure to communicate between Hans and Leia, just Hans being Hans.)

Oh, and then the day after I watched Chosen, as I was getting ready in the morning, I made the mistake of listening to Sarah Brown Eyes which is about a guy reminiscing about the first time he met the love of his life after she’s already died. And then the song ends with “come, let’s dance” and there’s a sad instrumental section and I STARTED BAWLING. STRAIGHT OUT BAWLING.

So, thanks BtVS for that. I haven’t done that for a fictional couple since 2008. I appreciated the jump start to my heart.

Okay, officially moving on.

On Andrew:

AKA the best reoccuring character. I loved his arc in this season, going from a comic puppet of the first evil to a still-comic, yet emotionally redemptive who can’t hide behind “i was just following other people/didn’t know better”. He was the best, and Storyteller was one of my favorite episodes

On Buffy’s relationship with Giles:

I really wish they’d had the time to wrap a bow on this, but I can understand why they didn’t. As it is, their relationship kind of ended in Lies My Parents Told Me with Buffy shutting the door on him and his tendency to decide what’s best for her. But I’m not sure they held to that? Or rather, in Chosen it was kind of back to situation normal re: Willow, Xander, Giles, and Buffy being in the final pow-wow together. Either way, I liked that Buffy stood up for herself, that Giles was finally acknowledged as fallible as opposed to the savior woosh he got at the end of S6.

On Anya, Willow, and Xander:

I feel like the three of them got kind of shafted this season? Xander didn’t really have an arc or purpose other than “fix Summers house when monsters break it”. Oh, and his convo with Dawn in Potential. I really did like the episode Potential... I just wish the whole “you still have purpose” extended past the boundaries of that episode? Which honestly is the subject of another post I’ll write, entitled Xander vs Sokka: Giving Purpose to the Powerless.

And then yeah, Willow intentionally stayed on the backburner for the majority of the season (her best moments were in AtS), and Anya... oh Anya. I understand why she was un-Vengeance Demon-fied, but I still wish she’d stayed a Vengance Demon. Mostly because as soon as she lost her powers, the show for the most part ignored her.

Which is a crime.

Actually...

On Anya specifically:

I’m gonna let some time pass before I do a “thoughts on BtVS as a whole”, but I want to say right now. Anya was my favorite surprise of the series. Every other character or major, major plot development, I’d been warned, or hinted, or inadvertently spoiled for.

Anya (aside from her name) was a complete unknown. When she appeared in S3 as Anyanka the Vengeance Demon, I thought... no, that can’t be “Anya the eventually reoccuring character.” And then she was. And was amazing. And continued to be amazing for the next four seasons.

I love Anya. She is everything I aspire to in life.

Now that I’ve talked about minute character stuff, let’s go to major S7 plot stuff:

On the Potentials:

Honestly, everything I’m gonna say is not groundbreaking thoughts re: fandom. I actually liked the potentials, but I didn’t like how there were so many of them, and how some of their actress were not that great. I didn’t like how Chao Ahn was the one who couldn’t speak English and was the butt of language jokes. They could’ve easily had a French or German-speaking potential.

On the First Evil and other villains:

The mark of a great villain (for me) is how much they reflect and/or personally tie in with the heroes. It’s why Angelus remains my number one fave BtVS villain (and why S2 is still my favorite season from a plot standpoint). It’s why I’m still super pissed that Maggie Walsh (unpowered, rigid, military-backed, older woman to Buffy’s powered, improvisational, rogue, younger self) was killed off in favor of Adam (generic evil dude)... even though I now understand it was because of behind the scenes actor stuff.

So yeah. I started off with high hopes re: the First Evil... and then got let down a bit when psychological enemy was pushed aside in favor of the Turok-han and then later Caleb. Though, honestly, I was more fine with the Turok-han than I was with Caleb. Caleb was... meh. (Sorry, Nathan Fillion.) If I had to guess, I’d say the writers couldn’t think of a good way to keep the First a constant threat without relying on minions that could physically attack the heroes. IDK.

On Spike’s soul:

Once again, this is a topic I’ve talked about before in my per episode recaps, but overall, I really like how they ended up handling it. It makes sense that he’d more easily adapt to it and wouldn’t do an abrupt personality shift like Angel because he voluntarily got his. I still hold to my S6 theory, that (if it hadn’t been for the First tormenting him) he could’ve returned to Sunnydale with no one (except Anya) being the wiser.

BUT! At the same time, it did make him a lot more mellow and self-reflective. Gave him self-doubt as well. And Get It Done and Lies My Parents Told Me were excellent episodes that showcased that.

On Sunnydale getting sucked into crater, Buffy being one of thousands of Slayers, and ending the show with a “well, what happens now”/“possibly anything” kind of feel:

I loved it. It was a great ending. And together with Spike coming back in AtS, and the comics, and whatever, it makes for a ending that fans can play around with however they want. It’s an amazing launching point for new stories, and honestly...

I’d take that open ending over a 19-years-later, “All was well”, ship-killing epilogue any day.

So... thanks, BtVS. It was one hell of a ride.

(PS: If you liked these thought posts and wanna see more inner workings of my mind, my current BtVS fanfic is over here.)